#so I’m projecting that into all your minds

[bloomzone]

2025 : #17 THE ULTIMATE GUIDE ABOUT PROCRASTINATION

✒️.Procrastination is more than just putting things off as all "procrastination definition" says . It’s an internal BATTLE or WAR against your own brain. When you procrastinate you're not just delaying a task you’re delaying PROGRESS. The longer you wait the harder it gets so yeah It's an endless loop of guilt stress and self-sabotage. But what if you could break that cycle? What if you could stop hiding from your tasks and actually face them head-on? but ..

ᴛʜᴇ ʀᴇᴀʟ ᴘʀᴏʙʟᴇᴍ ɪs ᴜ ᴀʀᴇ ᴀᴠᴏɪᴅɪɴɢ ᴅɪsᴄᴏᴍғᴏʀᴛ

Think about why you procrastinate. It’s not because you’re lazy it’s because you’re avoiding discomfort cuz Every time you put something off, it’s because your brain perceives that task as a threat to your comfort zone. Whether it’s a project at work, school assignments, or even cleaning your room, the thought of doing it brings up feelings of discomfort, stress, and anxiety. So, your brain tells you, “ hell nah bro just put it off. do something else that feels better right now.”

the reality is that DISCOMFORT is part of the PROCESS. You don’t have to feel good to do the work In fact the more you put things off to avoid feeling uncomfortable the harder and more uncomfortable it will become later. But if you can get comfortable with discomfort, you’ll realize that starting is half the battle. Once you take the first step the rest follows.

ᴜɴᴅᴇʀsᴛᴀɴᴅɪɴɢ ᴛʜᴇ ᴍɪɴᴅ ᴏғ ᴀ ᴘʀᴏᴄʀᴀsᴛɪɴᴀᴛᴏʀ

procrastination is about “fear and avoidance.” You fear failure, you fear not doing a task perfectly, and you fear not measuring up to your own or others' expectations. This fear triggers the avoidance mechanism in your brain your limbic system, the emotional part of your brain that seeks to protect you from discomfort. This makes it hard to make decisions or take action when the task feels overwhelming.

Your rational brain knows you need to get the work done HE TRY TO WAKE UP U but the emotional brain doesn’t care. It wants relief and it wants it now. So, you find yourself scrolling on your phone, watching another episode, or simply zoning out (like me). The task doesn’t disappear it only grows more daunting. The longer you avoid it the worse it feels. That’s why procrastination feels like a snowball effect

ᴛʜᴇ ᴄᴏsᴛ ᴏғ ᴘʀᴏᴄʀᴀsᴛɪɴᴀᴛɪᴏɴ: ᴡʜʏ ɪᴛ ʜᴜʀᴛs

Every time you procrastinate, you’re paying a price. The cost is MENTAL and EMOTIONAL exhaustion. The weight of the task sits in the back of your mind nagging at you. You feel guilt, shame, and frustration for not taking action. And then that stress builds up over time.Procrastination also eats up your time. The more time you waste avoiding, the less time you have to actually get things done. When you finally force yourself to sit down and work, you have less energy and less time to do it well. This leads to rushed, sloppy work, and the cycle continues. It’s a trap that leads to more stress and anxiety. It’s like digging a hole for yourself each moment you wait, the hole gets deeper.

ᴛʜᴇ ʜɪᴅᴅᴇɴ ɪᴍᴘᴀᴄᴛ: sᴇʟғ-sᴀʙᴏᴛᴀɢᴇ ᴀɴᴅ ʟᴏᴡ sᴇʟғ-ᴡᴏʀᴛʜ

Procrastination can also impact your self-esteem (this is sick) Every time you delay, you reinforce the belief that you're not good enough or that you can’t manage your responsibilities. Over time, procrastination can feed into self-doubt. You start thinking, "I’m just not the kind of person who gets things done" or "I’ll never be able to accomplish my goals." So procrastination is a form of self-sabotage. You’re stopping yourself from reaching your potential. You have dreams, you have goals, but procrastination convinces you that you’re not worthy of success or that you don’t deserve to put in the effort.

ʜᴏᴡ ᴛᴏ ᴏᴠᴇʀᴄᴏᴍᴇ ᴘʀᴏᴄʀᴀsᴛɪɴᴀᴛɪᴏɴ : ᴏᴘᴇɴ ᴜʀ ᴍɪɴᴅ ᴡʜɪʟᴇ ʀᴇᴀᴅɪɴɢ ᴛʜɪs !

1. Stop Waiting for Motivation.

Motivation isn’t something that just magically appears when you need it. It comes after you start doing the work, not before. You can’t wait for motivation to strike u have to create it

So How? By taking the first step, however small. Set a timer for 5 minutes, sit down, and start. Action creates motivation.

2. Break Tasks Into Bite-Sized Pieces.

When a task feels huge, it becomes overwhelming, and that's when procrastination sets in. Instead of thinking about the entire project, break it down into smaller, manageable parts. Want to write an essay? Start by writing one paragraph. Want to clean your room? Tackle one section. Small wins lead to bigger wins. Each time you check something off, it builds momentum.

3. Eliminate Distractions.

Procrastination thrives on distractions. The phone, the TV, social media they’re all little traps that pull you away from what needs to be done. Set boundaries. Turn off notifications, put your phone on airplane mode, and create a space where you can focus without interruptions. The goal isn’t perfection, but efficiency. SO THROW UR PHONE AWAY

4. Don’t Wait for the "Right" Time.

There’s never going to be a “perfect” time to start. You’re never going to feel 100% ready. The trick is to get started even when you don’t feel like it. The longer you wait for the “right moment,” the longer the task stays on your to-do list. Start before you’re ready. Trust that you can figure it out as you go.(Like those ppl who have an exam in a Monday and they wait until the perfect time 🤭 and the perfect time become a Sunday night 🥶)

5. Embrace Imperfection.

Perfectionism is procrastination’s best friend. You keep delaying because you want everything to be perfect. But hear me out : done is better than perfect. The task doesn’t need to be flawless; it needs to be completed. You can always improve it later, but only if you take action now.as long as u put effort

ᴛʜᴇ ᴘᴏᴡᴇʀ ᴏғ ᴀᴄᴄᴏᴜɴᴛᴀʙɪʟɪᴛʏ : ʙʏᴏʙ 📢

Sometimes, the best way to break the procrastination cycle is to hold yourself accountable. Tell someone what you’re working on. Whether it’s a friend, a family member, or even a colleague, let them know your goals. When you have someone checking in on your progress, it creates a sense of urgency. If you're someone who struggles with motivation, having external accountability can push you to stop procrastinating and get things done.

ᴏᴠᴇʀᴄᴏᴍɪɴɢ ɢᴜɪʟᴛ ᴀɴᴅ sᴛᴀʀᴛɪɴɢ ғʀᴇsʜ

It’s easy to get stuck in a cycle of guilt. You feel bad for procrastinating, which makes you procrastinate even more. But guilt is not helpful. It’s normal to slip up or delay things. What matters is that you get back on track. Forgive yourself. Don’t let the guilt weigh you down please please please Instead, focus on the task at hand. Take that first step . Break through the resistance

ᴛʜᴇ ᴋᴇʏ ᴛᴏ sᴜᴄᴄᴇss: ᴄᴏɴsɪsᴛᴇɴᴄᴇ

Procrastination is not something you can “cure” overnight. It’s a habit, and habits take time to change. The goal isn’t to be perfect every time it’s to be consistent. The more consistent you are with taking action, the easier it becomes to fight procrastination. Slowly, you’ll start building momentum, and before you know it, you’ll be taking action without second-guessing yourself. (for example set a challenge of one week without procrastination and u will see change)

AT THE END IT'S UR CHOSE : DISCOMFORT TO SUCCESS OR COMFORT TO FAIL

It’s not going to be easy. But you’ve got this AAAAAAH . The pain of procrastination will always be worse than the pain of getting started. Take control, start small, and build from there. Procrastination may try to convince you it’s too hard but you’re stronger than that. Start now, and watch the weight of procrastination lift off your shoulders.

@bloomzone 📇

[annabelle--cane]

(ao3)

The best part is, it’s not even a lie.

The words drop from her mouth like rotten dates as she kneels on the ground outside that hideous portal, and she doesn’t even have to lie.

“He was protecting me, that Archivist thing tried to, to drink up my memories, and he tackled it, I think, and both of them must have fallen--and I passed out.”

Alice doesn’t break down. It’s written over every inch of her face that she wants to, and Celia can feel it in her body’s tension when she’s pulled in close, but she just about holds it together. Not stoic and steely, but on the move. Not giving into despair. She keeps up a good natter as they start their return-trip.

“This wormhole or whatever, it’s come up in loads of cases going back years, right? And Gwen says that Lena’s been, well, a lot more hands-on then she looks, so she must know something about it, must be able to help. You can, just, go back home and rest, try to sleep off some of the panic with your kid, and I’ll go track down Lena. We can get started on fixing this.”

Celia nods, waiting on the train platform. If Sam comes back then the universe would be back out of balance, she’d have to start all over again. Pick someone new to spend months with and slowly gain their trust to the point where they ignore all her secrets and convince themself it was their idea to go to the Hilltop.

No, she stops her mind mid-thought. No, it was Sam’s idea. She was always careful to wait until he said the word, let him take the lead, she never pushed. Even earlier today, he brought up going to Oxford, he ignored the danger, he insisted on it being just the two of them, he almost made her physically restrain him before she finally backed down. And she told him that it was dangerous. Said not to thank her.

It’s not a lie. She didn’t do it. She didn’t kill him.

Her memory isn’t clear, as soon as her story started projecting out of her it had been like she was back in her Hell again. Like she was losing everything that meant anything to her again. Her name, her mind, her memories, everything about who she was, right back to year dot again. Her greatest fear--no, her greatest Fear made manifest once again, returning to that neverending torment of being eternally unmade over and over every time she managed to pull together any scrap of self. She can’t remember who she was before, but she knows damn well who she is today, and she actually likes being Celia. In that moment, she knew that she would do anything to avoid being sent back to that place. She could not let it happen.

Then, as she’d been rescued from her Hell the first time, she was saved once again. She heard more than saw Sam leap at the creature. And then she woke up and Alice was there. Perfect. She didn’t even have to make the call. Everything she wanted, all with her hands still clean.

They tremble as she takes her seat in the carriage.

She darts a glance at her companion, and Alice’s eyes are glued to the window like she’s scanning for someone, just making sure there’s no one rushing after them.

Celia likes Alice. Sam had liked Alice, too, even if the relationship had been vexed. And Sam had liked Celia enough to save her and doom himself in the process despite knowing her motives. He might not even mind.

He certainly can’t mind from where he is.

Loathing herself with every word, and letting that hatred play openly over her face, Celia says, “This all feels like my fault.”

Alice snaps around towards her with vicious purpose. “Don’t say that.”

She doesn’t even have to lie. Every tear of anguish that rolls down her cheeks is completely heartfelt. “I’m the one who mentioned this place to begin with, and he sacrificed himself to protect me, if I hadn’t--”

“No,” intercuts Alice, taking both of Celia’s hands in hers. “No, I’m not having any of that from you. You’ve just lost someone--” she swallows thickly-- “We’ve both just lost someone. Not necessarily for good, mind you, but. Yeah. And Sam, he…” Her mask almost falters, her role almost giving way to her true center, but she stands her ground. “He made his own choices, alright? I know from plenty of personal experience, you can never make that man do something he doesn’t want, no matter how much you try to shield him. It’s not your fault.”

Celia’s entire insides burn up as she lets the deceptive reassurance melt into her deceptive heart. Everything about her is a facile fiction built from the ground up over the last few years, so she tries desperately to plaster this in to who she is. She tries to make the not-lie real. She listens to this woman who cares about her tell her that it’s not really her fault, and like the worm she is she curls up into herself in sobs, letting Alice pull her in for comfort. Alice strokes down her hair and it feels like hot iron on her scalp.

It’s not a lie. She didn’t do it. She didn’t kill him.

Plenty of people have managed to survive the instant starvation.

[improbable-outset]

📂 𝐉𝐚𝐲𝐜𝐞 𝐓𝐚𝐥𝐢𝐬 𝐒𝐅𝐖 𝐀𝐥𝐩𝐡𝐚𝐛𝐞𝐭.𝐟𝐢𝐥𝐞

7k+ words….my God. I still don’t have a Masterlist for my Jayce fics. Soon though 🙌🏼

📄 𝐀𝐟𝐟𝐞𝐜𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧.𝐝𝐨𝐜

If I had the write an essay on how Jayce’s affection manifests throughout Arcane, using case studies and evidence from the series to back up my points, I’d absolutely ace the task

Matter of fact, that paper alone would probably be enough to pass the whole course because it’ll be exquisite— mind-blowing even. The professors wouldn’t just give me an A*. They would invent a new grade entirely

The point is, Jayce’s affection is heavily presented in this show, and it’s clear that this man is dedicated to the people he cares about

We’ve all seen it most prominently with Viktor. I won’t go into too much detail (or we’ll be here all day), but Jayce’s loyalty and care for him are on full display

His physical presence is grounding to him, and he often uses touch to comfort or connect with the people he’s close to

With his romantic partner, I can definitely see him being naturally physically affectionate— holding hands whenever he can, resting his hands on your shoulder, or even lightly brushing your fingers. If he’s feeling anxious, he might just hold onto your fingertips, seeking reassurance from you

Whenever he feels overwhelmed by his responsibilities as a councillor, he wouldn’t hesitate to rest his head on your lap (sound familiar?) even wrap his arms around you to recharge

He doesn’t shy away from showing his emotions and vulnerable side, which creates a space of trust and intimacy between the two of you. If something was to bother him, he’d talk it out rather than bottling everything up and leaving you in the dark

As mentioned above, he’s unflinchingly faithful and loyal. We’ve seen the way he covers for Caitlyn, and I feel like he would extend that loyalty to his partner. Always ready to stand by your side and protect you, no matter what

📄 𝐁𝐞𝐬𝐭 𝐅𝐫𝐢𝐞𝐧𝐝.𝐝𝐨𝐜

Have you ever had a friend who yaps a lot? Not in an overbearing way that talks your ear off or doesn’t give you room to speak. But someone who’s just eager to share their thoughts and experiences with you. Probably oversharing occasionally

That’s what being friends with Jayce is like— especially if you were friends back in his Academy days. He was already a bright, intelligent student back then, driven by a passion of his studies and research, and always eager to learn more

When you’d study together, you’d hear him ramble about some experiment or project he’s working on. Even if half of it went over your head, you’d still listen because his excitement was contagious (blah blah blah proper name, place name, backstory stuff)

And you’d know that he would do the same for you. Whenever you spoke about something you were passionate about, Jayce would listen intently— always with solid eye contact and offering his thoughts and encouragement

If you need advice, Jayce would be there to talk things through with you. He’s rational, but also leads with his heart, so his advice would always come with empathy.

And let’s not forget his humour. Jayce might take his work seriously, but he knows how to lighten the mood when the moment calls for it. Remember the way he snuck up behind Caitlyn and tipped her hat? That same mischievous streak would show up in your friendship too

Whether it’s pulling an all-nighter for a project or grabbing a coffee together, Jayce would make sure you feel valued and appreciated. His loyalty runs deep, and once you’ve earned his trust, you can count on him to be a lifelong friend

📄 𝐂𝐮𝐝𝐝𝐥𝐞𝐬.𝐝𝐨𝐜

I’m not exaggerating when I say that physical touch is like fuel to Jayce— it gives him the extra drive, especially if it’s from you. And cuddles is no exception

When it’s the two of you in privacy, he closes the gap in bed immediately. His go-to is being the little spoon, though he wouldn’t mind switching things up and holding you from time to time as well

He loves lying on top of you, listening to your heartbeat and the soft rhythm of your breathing. It’s these little things— your natural scent, the way you chest rises and falls, or just the fact that you exists— fulfils him

God forbid if you were to shift in your sleep, unintentionally pulling yourself away from him. He wouldn’t be too dramatic about it but he will grumble softly from the lack of your touch and instinctively tighten his grip and pull you close (unless you really do want your space, of course)

Being in your arms feels like home, and he’ll savour every moment, preserving those quiet times together.

📄 𝐃𝐨𝐦𝐞𝐬𝐭𝐢𝐜.𝐝𝐨𝐜

I don’t know what it is, and I can’t fully explain myself here, but I just can’t see Jayce being great with the cooking. And it’s not like the show gives us much to work with, maybe it was the sandwich he made for himself that appeared in the first episode— it didn’t scream “master chef”

I know that doesn’t really speak much. Though, that’s not to say he couldn’t handle himself if needed. He might manage some basic dishes (scrambled eggs or simple pasta), but that’s just me being generous here

Cleaning, on the other hand, would be Jayce’s strong suit in a domestic setting. He seems like the type who works best in an organised, less chaotic space, and that preference would carry over to his living space

I’m basing most of this on his lab that looked pretty tidy, while being spacious (it helps that Viktor was there to share the space). Plus, from the small glimpse of his bedroom, everything looked pretty neat and thoughtfully placed

Speaking of the bedroom, we do see him keep trinkets— like the photo of his father and himself as a boy and other nicknacks— and I think that speaks a lot about him. Those small items hold a sentimental value, and I feel like if the two of you were to live together, he’s carry that habit into your shared home

You’d find pictures of the two of you together (maybe even wedding photos, if it gets to that point), ornaments or objects that remind him of special memories or an event, and collections of meaningful things. He’s definitely not a hoarder, but he has a way of decorating that feels personal and homely without making the space look cluttered

📄 𝐄𝐧𝐝𝐢𝐧𝐠.𝐝𝐨𝐜

I always disliked getting to this part of the headcanon alphabet because my heart can’t imagine breaking up with my favourite person. Breaking up is something Jayce would avoid as much as possible

He’s not the type to walk away lightly. If there was an issue, he would always try to fix things— sometime to the point where he might be blinded by his own feelings. In such a pivotal moment like this, he might fail to see the bigger picture, not realising that letting go could actually be the healthiest option for both of you

Jayce values commitment deeply, so it would take something monumental— likely a circumstance outside of his control— for him to really reach the point of ending a relationship

If he was the one to break things off, it would be rooted in his self doubts. We’ve seen blame himself heavily when things go wrong, like after his decision to arm the Enforcers with Hextech weapons led to disastrous fallout. If he started to believe that his actions were causing you pain or holding you back, those insecure thoughts could push him to make the heartbreaking choice to let you go.

Another major reason might be to protect you. As a public figure, tied to the Hextech legacy and Piltover’s council, there’s always a risk of danger surrounding him. The idea of his enemies harming you because of your connection with him would be unbearable. He’d rather live the ache of losing you than risk you getting hurt because of him

We’ve seen how much he struggled with his emotions— like when he broke down after seeing the destruction on the bridge blockade (and threw up over the bridge, yikes) or when Viktor revealed his illness. And don’t get me started on his face when he saw one of the smugglers helping with the Shimmer was a child.

Before actually saying the words, he’d spend sleepless nights agonising over the decision, rehearsing his explanation until his head starts pounding. When the moment comes, Jayce would be nothing but straightforward and compassionate though (even though he’s dying inside and would break into a sob if you keep looking at him like that)

I can see him blame himself more than necessary. His emotional driven nature means he could take on too much guilt. He would reassure you repeatedly that he still cares about you and you deserve better or that he didn’t want to hold you back. It’s not that he doesn’t love you— it’s that he loves you too much to put you in harms way or causing you unhappiness

If the breakup wasn’t his choice, it would devastate him. His idealism and compassion runs deep, and losing someone he loves deeply would make him feel like a failure.

While Jayce isn’t naive in the traditional sense, his trusting and tendency to act impulsive sometimes might make you feel like he’s putting others’ agendas above your own values or your relationship. If you feel like his choices are constantly being driven by outside influences, or his passion for progress leaves little room for the two of you, it could push you to make the decision to leave.

Other reasons could be an imbalance of ambition. You might reach to a point where you feel emotionally drained, unable to keep up with the pace or the expectations of someone so involved in shaping the future of Piltover— and staying longer could be daunting

Jayce would respect your decisions, even though it hollowed him out. This brings me back to the sadness in Jayce’s eyes when Viktor left him, ending his partnership with him.

He might try to make amends, but he wouldn’t force you to stay. You might catch a glimpse of his heartbreak the way he buries himself in work, pushing himself harder than ever to keep his mind occupied

📄 𝐅𝐢𝐚𝐧𝐜𝐞.𝐝𝐨𝐜

Jayce is incredibly ambitious, and even before his rise to the Council, he was locked in with his studies at Piltover Academy. Marriage wouldn’t necessarily be at the forefront of his mind— at least, not until he feels like he’s reaching a point where it makes sense for him to settle down

That being said, Jayce is also emotional and very passionate. If you were in a committed relationship, he might consider the idea of marriage. Though he would make sure his other goals, like completing his work or studies, were handled first. It’s the practical and plausible choice in his eyes

When it comes to cultural norms in Piltover, particularly among the elite, there’s a focus on status, achievements, and societal contributions over personal milestones such as marriages. And if marriage was considered, it’s often seen as a catalyst for strengthening alliances or enhancing social standings

This might influence Jayce, especially after becoming a Council Member. While navigating the political implications of marriage, he refuses to prioritise it for political reasons. He wouldn’t let it dictate something as important as his love life. For Jayce, marriage would only be on the table if it was based on genuine love and commitment— not ulterior motives

In the end, it might just work in his favour. A marriage built on love could serve as a stabilising force for him, painting him as a family man who values commitment and balance— a sentiment that even the Piltover’s elites would admire and trust

📄 𝐆𝐞𝐧𝐭𝐥𝐞.𝐝𝐨𝐜

Jayce has always shown his gentler side throughout the show, especially more so with his interactions with Viktor. One stand out moment is when Jayce gave up his seat during a council meeting so Viktor can sit comfortably— a simple gesture that speaks volume. It shows his attentiveness to the needs of those he cares about.

And when Viktor confides in him about his illness, Jayce doesn’t brush it aside. We see more of his reassurance in the last scene, telling Viktor that he was ‘never broken’. Anyways, I’m not just here to talk about him and Viktor.

Jayce approaches delicate situations with care, and as his romantic partner, you’d see that same emotional depth and consideration

His gentleness isn’t just emotional though, it’s physical too. His relationship with Mel is a perfect example. Even if their relationship had a political undertone, you can see Jayce being tender with her during their private moments, as if he’s always mindful of his touch and presence

As his partner, you would expect him to be just as tender with you. Whether it’s stroking your hand during a tough conversation or holding your chin while tilting your head up to look at him. Jayce doesn’t rush— he takes his time to show his care, both his actions and words

Part of this stems from his upbringing. His warm and respectful relationship with his mother is something he carries into how he treats others, and it’s evident that he values meaningful connections (his mother taught him well)

📄 𝐇𝐮𝐠𝐬.𝐝𝐨𝐜

My God….where do I even start. To say this man isn’t a hugger is like saying the earth is flat. You know you’re lying to yourself

I cannot get over the scene where Jayce hugged Viktor before Viktor left him. You could see the yearning in his eyes when he pulled away

He’d definitely be the first to initiate a hug with his romantic partner. He’d take every opportunity to do so, especially if you’re in need of comfort or reassurance

Jayce’s hugs are unmatched. With his height and broad frame, you feel completely enveloped— like nothing in the world could hurt you. Bonus point for those biceps— when he wraps his arms around you, it’s a whole experience. It’ll leave you feeling protected, and completely loved

📄 𝐈 𝐥𝐨𝐯𝐞 𝐲𝐨𝐮.𝐝𝐨𝐜

The first time Jayce confessed his love to you (and he definitely confessed first— have you seen the yearning in his eyes in the series?), he probably said something along the lines of ‘I’m in love with you.’ Words are powerful to him, and he needed to say something that truly expressed the depth of his feelings

A half-assed ‘I really like you’ wouldn’t have been enough for him— it wouldn’t even scratch the surface of what he felt. He wanted you to know, without any shadow of a doubt, how much you meant to him

And okay, technically, that might have not been a straight forward ‘I love you’ but it was the first time he used the word love. That counts for something, right?

It didn’t take him long to say those three words, though. I can picture it happening in one of his happiest moments with you— maybe after you surprised him with a gift, or did something meaningful that hit him right in the heart. Riding that high of happiness, he’d look at you with the biggest grin on his face and just let the words slip “I love you”

He’d probably laugh softly right after, a little sheepish but not at all regretful before sealing it with a kiss. A passionate, heartfelt one

Jayce is the type to say it more often in private, when it’s just the two of you. He doesn’t throw it around casually— every time he says it, you can tell he means it. The words don’t lose their weight, only growing stronger with every moment he spends with you

📄 𝐉𝐞𝐚𝐥𝐨𝐮𝐬𝐲.𝐝𝐨𝐜

Awhh Jayce. Whenever it comes to your relationship and how he handles things, he runs on a lot of passionate emotions, which can be both a good and bad thing. He doesn’t get irrationally jealous and starts throwing hands, but he definitely has a sense of pride and protectiveness

That being said, Jayce’s jealousy doesn’t come from possessiveness but rather from a deep-rooted fear of inadequacy or not being good enough for you. It’s not about him doubting you— it’s about him doubting himself

When jealousy creeps in, he doesn’t lash out or make a scene. Instead you might notice subtle changes— he becomes quieter, more distracted and overall a little less cheerful. He struggles to hide how much it’s bothering him, but it’s obvious in the way his usual enthusiasm and affection falters

When it’s really eating at him, he might let out a passive-aggressive remark. Though he doesn’t mean to, and it usually comes out more awkwardly than anything. If you ask him directly what’s wrong, he’ll brush it off with a humour-laced excuse, cracking a joke to deflect the situation (which lands awkwardly) all while feeling uneasy inside

It’s not until the weight of his overthinking gets too much to bear that he finally gives in and tells you “I don’t know I just…do you think I’m good enough for you?” It’s not just the jealousy, but the fear behind that’s talking

He didn’t expect you to laugh softly— not at him, but at how adorable he looked, all flustered and overthinking everything. You cupped his face and reassured him that he has absolutely no reason to doubt himself or your love. You kissed him softly, reminding him that you chose him, and no one else.

Jayce melted under your reassurance, his shoulders finally relaxed. He chuckled nervously, rubbing the back of his neck and muttered about how silly he’s being. You could tell from the way his hands lingered on yours that your words meant everything to him

📄 𝐊𝐢𝐬𝐬𝐞𝐬.𝐝𝐨𝐜

This is always my favourite headcanon to write up. Smooches. I've definitely rewatch the scene of Jayce and Mel’s first kiss more times than I’d care to admit, just so I could see how Jayce kisses his partner

The first time he confessed his love to you, and you returned the feeling, he was ecstatic. But he also didn’t want to be too forward (even though he’d dreamed about kissing you so many times). Instead, he softly kissed your knuckles. It was such a sweet, chivalrous gesture, and quickly became one of his go-to ways of showing affection. He even lowers his head every time to meet your hand, like a knight bowing before their queen

Forehead kisses are also his signature, especially if you’re shorter than him. He find them warm and protective, a way of silently showing his presence

Now, kisses from you turn him into an absolute puddle. Surprise kisses are his ultimate weakness. The first time you caught him off guard, he just stood there, startled. Blinking like you’d short-circuited his brain. You pulled back with an innocent look, and he ended up rubbing the back of his neck, trying (and failing) to hide how flustered he was

There’s one moment where you hugged him from behind and kissed the back of his neck. He didn’t even know he was into neck kisses like that until you did it. He’s too shy to bring it up, but secretly hopes you’ll do it again (you absolutely should). Cheek kisses and forehead kisses from you are also high on the list, but the neck kiss is a core memory now

First time you shared a kiss, it felt like his whole world was muted. I can imagine him tilting your head up from your chin, and his eyes flicked between yours and your lips. while his heart is jackhammering inside his chest like crazy (how were you even more beautiful up close?). He almost hesitated, but when your eyes softened in anticipation, he leaned in.

The first kiss was gentle, almost weary, like he was testing the waters. But when you kissed him back, he couldn’t help but deepen it slightly, tilting his head to fit against you perfectly. That moment would be burned into his psych forever— how your soft lips felt against his, the way you made his chest tighten and stomach flutter.

📄 𝐋𝐢𝐭𝐭𝐥𝐞 𝐨𝐧𝐞𝐬.𝐝𝐨𝐜

We haven’t really seen many paternal characteristics from Jayce in the series, so it’s a bit hard to pinpoint exactly how he would be as a father

However, based on the traits that shows throughout the series— his care for others, and his passion— I feel confident that he would be a good father (I can definitely see him asking his child to hold a flashlight while he’s working on a project in the lab, giving them the “mini assistant” title)

That said, fatherhood might not come naturally to him right away. The idea of having his own children wouldn’t initially cross his mind, especially how busy he is in the lab, and his additional duties as a councillor

Even if you do introduce the idea of having children, he would feel a little skeptical. Losing his father at a young age would play a role in his doubts— he didn’t grow up with an official father figure and might question if he's equipped for that role himself.

It would take time and some extra convincing for him to warm up to having children. But the moment you conceive, or once you finalise the adoption, everything changes.

When your belly starts to show, he would be all over you and the baby. He’d drop to his knees just to feel the baby kicking, resting his palms gently on your bump while murmuring sweet words to you and the little one

Once the baby is born— or if you do end up adopting— a switch flips inside him. He takes doting on the child to a whole new level. Sometimes, it might come off as overbearing (like when he creates an ultra-organised schedule for feeding, nap times, changing the diaper, and even tummy time)

Of course, he’s a man of science, Jayce comes prepared. Expect him to research everything about childcare— I’m talking crossing the t’s and dotting the i’s. Even applying scientific precision to parenthood.

But he’s also adjusting to the new lifestyle as much as you, so there will definitely be hiccups. At first he’s a bit of a nervous wreck— fumbling through diaper changes and fretting over the baby crying. But over time, he grows into the role, becoming a loving father.

📄 𝐌𝐨𝐫𝐧𝐢𝐧𝐠.𝐝𝐨𝐜

Naturally, Jayce would be an early riser— first as a dedicated student, then as a councillor with more duties. However, ever since you started living together, waking up to your warmth has made getting out of bed a lot harder

If he had the choice, he would sleep in just to stay wrapped up in you, basking in your presence. But the world doesn’t stop spinning, and the duties won’t take care of themselves

He showers first thing in the morning to wake himself up— probably preferring warm showers over cold ones. At this time, he prefers to be alone while freshening up, needing the quiet moment to fully wake up

On his mornings, he tends to rush through breakfast— even skip it entirely. But with you around, you always remind him to eat properly. While dressing, he multitasks, skimming through his reports with one hand while fastening his cuffs with the other

If he had to give a speech that day, you help him rehearse one last time in your room. He always steals a quick kiss on the cheek or on the lips before heading out. A quick thank you before the chaos of the day begins

On his days off however, he would definitely use the opportunity to stay in bed with you. Morning cuddles are non-negotiable. You’ll see a softer, almost puppy-like side of him— nuzzling into you, sneaking extra kisses, even draping himself over you just to keep you in bed longer

📄 𝐍𝐢𝐠𝐡𝐭.𝐝𝐨𝐜

It’s no surprise that Jayce often comes home late, exhausted from council meetings and Hextech work. Some nights, he doesn’t make it home at all, caught up in duties or attending evening events

If he’s working late in the lab, he tends to lose track of time, completely immersed in his research. He’s a workaholic when it comes to science, and sometimes, it takes you reminding him to step away and actually come to bed

On particularly long days, he’s so drained that he flops onto the bed fully clothed and immediately falls asleep. It’s happened more times than once— until you stepped in and stopped him

You help him out of his jacket and boots, and in return, he presses a tired but grateful kiss against your lips or forehead. Even when he’s dead tired, he still checks in on you, asking about your day— though don’t be surprised if he drifts off mid-conversation, lulled by exhaustion

On rare nights when he comes home early, the atmosphere is more relaxed. He enjoys having tea with you, unwinding as you both share stories about your day.

In bed, he pulls you close, whether you’re talking or just enjoying the quiet together. Physical touch is comfort to him, and even in his sleep, his arms always finds its way around you

If he comes home to find you already sleeping, he slips into bed carefully, wraps an arms round you from behind, plants a kiss to your shoulder before drifting off to sleep

He definitely sleeps better with you besides him— it’s probably something scientific, oxytocin level or whatever— but he knows with you there, he’s at peace

📄 𝐎𝐩𝐞𝐧.𝐝𝐨𝐜

Whenever I think of Jayce being open and vulnerable, I think of his relationship with Mel— especially more so when he rests his head on her lap. One of his lines that stood out to me was “nothing feels impossible when I’m with you”

So I think I can confidently say that with Jayce, it won’t take long for him to reveal things about himself, after he fully trusts you. He’s not the type of person that has a tough shell exterior (Thank God), even if front of the council, where we’ve seen how easily his emotions can show when he’s under pressure

Though he wouldn’t reveal everything at once, when you are alone together there might be some moments of silence and others where he opens up about his past: the House Talis, his family’s business, and how he was expected to join— but instead, he pursued his passion for science and became a scholar in the Academy

Sometimes it might take a little longer to talk about things he sees as personal failures or flaws, like the unintended consequences of his decisions or the guilt he carries for not always living up to his ideals. He might hesitate, afraid to burden you, but you always listen attentively and the way you reassure him makes it easier for him to talk

He would open up more with time, especially about his ambitions and fears. Most of these heartfelt, vulnerable conversations would happen when you’re alone in bed together, with the stillness of the night and the soft glow of your light where he feels safe

📄 𝐏𝐚𝐭𝐢𝐞𝐧𝐜𝐞.𝐝𝐨𝐜

This is a bit of a two-sided coin. And let me explain why.

On one hand, we could see Jayce tirelessly working on Hextech during his early Academy days. Back when he didn’t have a lot on his plate and was just still a student— he always pushed forward with determination. His persistence show he doesn’t let setbacks anger him, even when the Council doubted his research

Based on this, I imagine Jayce as someone who would patiently listen attentively to his partner, hearing you out on your problems, trying to find a solution without immediately jumping into anger. If arguments do happen, he’d avoid raising his voice, though he’d still stand firm on his beliefs. I feel like he’d process his emotions first, calming down before returning to the conversation

However, after becoming a Councillor, we see his patience start to wear thinner under the weight of his new responsibilities. His duties have multiplied, and the stakes have gotten much higher. We see his argument with Viktor over the bridge blockade.

By this point, he’s juggling political pressure, the Hextech weaponisation, and his own guilt over the chaos unfolding in Piltover and the Undercity. His frustration boils over because he and Viktor are no longer fully aligned, and Viktor questions his decisions

This is a rare moment of Jayce misdirecting his anger— his frustration at the whole situation, but Viktor ends up on the receiving end because Jayce is overwhelmed (not that I’m saying this is excusable)

I’m not saying that Jayce would snap at his partner easily— he’s still incredibly caring— but under extreme stress, his patience might fray, especially if he feels unsupported in difficult situations. That said, Jayce would immediately regret it. He doesn’t like being at odds with the people he loves, and he works quickly to apologise and make things right

📄 𝐐𝐮𝐢𝐳𝐳𝐞𝐬.𝐝𝐨𝐜

One of the first things that comes to mind from the series is how Jayce never forgets the people who’ve helped him. After returning from the Arcane, he made it his mission to fulfil his promise to Viktor. Also, even as a councillor, despite his growing responsibilities, he still tries to check in on him, showing how much he values those close to him

That being said, Jayce would absolutely make an effort to remember details about his partner— especially if it’s something important to you. If you casually mention wanting something but never getting around to buying it, don’t be surprised if he gifts it to you later, acting like it’s no big deal

Another thing that proves how sentimental Jayce can be is his relationship with his mother. He still carries the medallion she gave him, a reminder of where he came from and the people who support him

Speaking of sentimentality— one year, on his birthday, you’ve gifted him a custom brooch, something small yet meaningful. Ever since then, he wears it on his jacket during council meetings, a quiet reminder of you no matter where he goes (that’s canon now)

📄 𝐑𝐞𝐦𝐞𝐦𝐛𝐞𝐫.𝐝𝐨𝐜

One of Jayce’s favourite memories in your relationship is the time you surprised him with a telescope for his lab. You’d remember him casually mentioning how he was interested in astronomy and how owning a telescope would be pretty amazing. He never expected you to actually act on that passing comment

The morning he walked into your lab and saw it there, he was completely floored. From that day on, it became a tradition to spend every other night together in his lab, stargazing through the telescope and poring over his astronomy books

Those nights under the stars, where you both connected over something so simple yet meaningful, became a core memory for him. It wasn’t just the telescope, but the thoughtfulness behind the gift and how it brought you closer

📄 𝐒𝐞𝐜𝐮𝐫𝐢𝐭𝐲.𝐝𝐨𝐜

A lover boy like Jayce Talis is bound to have a protective streak to match. Argue with the wall. If he would sacrifice himself to save humanity, then what makes you think he wouldn’t move mountains for his partner?

One of the scenes that has highlighted this to me was when Jayce saw that the Hexcore had saved Viktor’s life. When Heimerdinger instructed for him to destroy it, Jayce gets defensive— for Viktor. (I don’t know, I just love seeing Jayce get mad when it comes to protecting his loved ones. What a man!)

With that scene, I can totally see Jayce standing up for you, even in your absence. The last thing we wants is hearing people talking bad about his beloved. He doesn’t get aggressive, but he would be firm and commanding when defending you— especially to anybody who dares to overstep

That being said, he absolutely values a partner who truly believes in his work and isn’t afraid to stand up by him when the rest of the world is against him. Even though he doesn’t necessarily need someone to fight his battles, knowing that you’ve got his back just as much as he has yours will always give him the confidence he needs

Additionally, this man is physically strong. We’ve seen his physique in the forge scene, as well as his ability to wield the Mercury Hammer. I can only imagine how heavy that is, and he handles it like it’s a toy. So, of course, he would use his strength to physically protect you from danger (even if he doesn’t know how to fight)

As protective as Jayce is of you, he craves to feel secure and supported by his partner. You being his steady source of encouragement and emotional protection means the world to him. He might not outright ask for it, but small gestures— like gently reminding him to take a break and drink water— would make him feel loved and safe. Security in a relationship goes both ways and nothing feels insurmountable with you

📄 𝐓𝐫𝐲.𝐝𝐨𝐜

With everything that I’ve described about Jayce so far, it wouldn’t make sense to say he wouldn’t put effort into your relationship. He isn’t the one to half-heartedly approach anything

We see a snippet of this in the series, all the way back to Season 1. After Caitlyn is suspended from the Enforcers by her mother, Jayce visits her and offers her a position as his personal bodyguard. While she does ultimately declines, this highlights how he tries to support and protect the people he cares about, even when they’re at a low point

Now imagine the level of care and attention he’ll bring to his romantic partner. Jayce would be the type to take anniversaries and birthdays seriously, plan them well in advance. Whether it’s an extravagant dinners at one of Piltover finest restaurants or a quiet night home in front of the fire, he’d make sure every detail is thoughtful and personal to you

Speaking of personal, Jayce would definitely be the type to make handmade gifts in his forge. One year, he surprised you with a metal rose for your birthday, each petal crafted with care

And let’s not forget the big one— your engagement ring. I saw a headcanon that Jayce would craft the ring himself, and I’m fully on board with the idea. That’s my our man right there!

Every moment of his labour, every drop of sweat from his pores, would be worth it to see the look on your face when he gets down on one knee and asks you the ultimate question. (And yes, he absolutely daydreams about that moment more often than he’d admit)

📄 𝐔𝐠𝐥𝐲.𝐝𝐨𝐜

My brain was a little all over the place when I came this this letter, so let’s break it down

One of Jayce’s common flaws— something that’s pretty evident early in the first season— is his naïveté. He has moments where he lets other people’s influence guide his decision, like the councils agenda or Mel’s early manipulation

This habit could be deep into your relationship, too. He might unintentionally hurt you by prioritising the wrong thing or listening to other people’s opinion over yours, even when he means well. He’s not malicious, but it can still sting

Another habit of his (that’s tied to how much responsibility he carries) is his tendency to overwork himself. He takes on more than he can handle— working late in the lab, balancing council duties, or trying to fix every problem by himself

Because of this, he might struggle to make time for you. It’s not intentional, but you could feel neglected at times. And if he doesn’t pace himself, it could lead to burnout or moments where he’s short-tempered from stress— and you’d end up being on the receiving end

None of this means he doesn’t care about you, though. If anything, Jayce’s flaws come from how much he cares about everyone else. It’s just that sometimes, in trying to take care of the world, he forgets to care for himself. And you

📄 𝐕𝐚𝐧𝐢𝐭𝐲.𝐝𝐨𝐜

After being appointed to the Council, Jayce definitely started putting more effort into his appearance. As the voice of progress and the co-founder of Hextech, all eyes are on him, so looking presentable is part of the job (not that it take much effort with Jayce)

The white jacket with the gold accents on the maroon shoulder pads show that he’s polished and takes pride in his status. The Talis family crest on his outfit is a reminder that he hasn’t forgotten his roots (plus the hammer doubling as the letter T is a chef’s kiss design choice)

Later in Season 2, we see him clean up after being stuck in the chaos of the Arcane. He ditches his council robe for a sharp black dress shirt with a white jacket (though I prefer it without the jacket, and definitely not because we get a better view of his biceps)

Honestly, I’m still vexed that we only got to see him in that outfit for a few scenes. It was easily his coldest look, and I think dark colours suit him more— it might be the scruff and the longer hair that really ties it all together

📄 𝐖𝐡𝐨𝐥𝐞.𝐝𝐨𝐜

Whenever I think of Jayce, I’ve always seen him as independent. From his early Academy days, he was immersed in his research, working in the lab to chase his vision for Hextech. Even before that, it was just him and his mother growing up— he learned earlier on to rely on himself to push through life’s challenges.

But even Jayce knows the importance of connections. After all, it was the Kirammans patronage that gave him the foundation he needed to bring his dream to life. He’s never truly been alone, even if he feels like the world was on his shoulders

With that in mind, it’s hard to imagine Jayce feeling entirely ‘incomplete’ without you. He has his work, his allies, and his sense of purpose to keep him moving forward. But that’s not to say you haven’t profoundly changed his life for the better. Being your partner has opened new doors for him, feelings he didn’t fully understand before— love, partnership, and the comfort of knowing someone sees him for who he truly is.

You’ve given him something deeper than any political alliance or patronage could— a sense of belonging and a safe space.

If, God forbid, the two of you were to ever separate, he'll keep going because that’s who he is. But there’d be a deep-rooted sadness, a yearning in the quiet moments where he’d normally share his thoughts and vulnerabilities with you. He’d still have work, the Kirammans, and the weight of Piltover's progress— but none of it will fill the space you left behind

📄 𝐗𝐭𝐫𝐚.𝐝𝐨𝐜

This headcanon has nothing to do with your relationship, but rather, Jayce’s signature scent. As a Councilman, an inventor, and former Academy scholar, his fragrance reflects his polished, ambitious image— but without overshadowing the warm, approachable demeanor that makes him so charming

You can always tell when he’s in the room— his cologne lingers just enough to leave a lasting impression, but it’s never overpowering

Here’s what I think his scent would be like:

Base note— I imagine sandalwood or cedarwood, which gives the fragrance a rich, slightly smoky essence that feels masculine

Heart note— maybe amber or vanilla. Adding a touch of sweetness that mirrors his good-natured personality

Top note— cardamon for a bright, sophisticated opening that reflects his confidence and intellect

A luxurious scent that speaks to his taste— polished, yet warm and undeniably Jayce

📄 𝐘𝐮𝐜𝐤.𝐝𝐨𝐜

For someone who genuinely does have a good heart— someone driven by passion and ideals— it’s not surprising that Jayce has a few deal breakers in a partner. Whiles he’s not one to judge so hastily, certain behaviours and mindsets could clash with his values and make the relationship unsustainable

Jayce is a man with vision. He dreams to unite magic and technology has defined his life, and we’ve seen how deeply he pours into his work. Do you know how hard it is to build new technology, as well as harnessing magic? Back in his Academy days, when everyone doubted him (including his mother) he hit his lowest point. He knows how it feels to have your efforts dismissed, so he thrives on encouragement (we’ve seen it from Caitlyn).

A partner who undermines his ambition or brushes off his ideas would cut deep. He could handle skepticism from strangers, but the love of his life— that would wound him

He’s also a man who strives for progress— not just for himself, but for the world. His vision for innovation isn’t just for selfish reasons— he wants to help improve lives. So, if his partner was indifferent to larger issues or uninterested in changing the world, that disconnection could create a rift between the two of you. Jayce is someone who wants to share his dreams, not feel like he’s dragging someone along

Jayce is vulnerable when it comes to his personal life. He thrives off of constructive criticism when it’s beneficial. But constants belittling from his partner who only points out his flaws while ignoring his effort, would chip away at his confidence. He already struggles with his self-doubt at time, but harsh words from you would only amplify the dark voice of his doubts

And going back to his emotional nature. I’ve mentioned earlier that Jayce isn’t the type to call quits immediately, even when the red flag starts to appear. He would try to make it work, holding onto hope and trying to see the best in you. But if the relationship is starting to drain his energy rather than uplifting him, even his optimistic heart would have to let go

📄 𝐙𝐳𝐳.𝐝𝐨𝐜

Have you ever seen a koala hugging a tree? Now, imagine Jayce as the koala and you as the tree. Are you getting the vision?

When you sleep together, he’s quick to have his arms clutching around you. His face is either buried in the crook of your neck or resting on your chest— all while being the small spoon (how greedy)

However, Jayce tends to forget that his body runs hot naturally, especially when he’s already half-asleep. So you’ll often wake up feeling like you’re trapped in a furnace of his body heat

On warmer nights, he would sleep shirtless, of course. He also loves the skin-to-skin contact when he’s cuddling you. It’s his favourite way to fall asleep

It’s hard to predict when the nsfw version will be posted. But if already liked the wholesome HC and want early access to the explicit stuff (I know you do 👁️👁️), I will be posting it on ao3 first. They will be posted here

[luvst4rc0r3]

CAN YOU DO A JINX X READER FIC BUT READER IS PREGNANT AND LIKE SHE DOESNT KNOW HOW TO TELL JINX.

IF YOU DO IT TYYYYYY❤️❤️

“Two Pink Lines”

Jinx x F!Reader

WARNINGS: Mention of abortion?

WC:2311

NOTE: established relationship.

Your POV

You had been pacing the tiny space of your shared room for the last ten minutes, the little pregnancy test feeling like a bomb in your hands.

Your heart was pounding so hard it made your head hurt. You knew this wasn’t something you could just ignore—Jinx deserved to know. But saying it out loud? Actually forming the words? That felt impossible.

“Hey, Jinx, so, funny story—I’m pregnant.”

Nope. Too casual.

“Jinx, I have something to tell you… I’m having a baby.”

Too dramatic.

“Surprise! You knocked me up!”

Oh, hell no.

You groaned, dragging a hand down your face. Every option sounded worse than the last. There was no way this wouldn’t shake her, no way this wouldn’t send her brain spinning in all directions. Jinx wasn’t bad with emotions—she just didn’t always know what to do with them. And this? This was big.

You had seen how uneasy she was lately, the way she watched you with that nervous, twitchy energy. She knew something was up, but instead of pressing, she’d let it fester, probably assuming the worst.

Jinx had been through too much, lost too many people, and she had this awful habit of thinking everything was her fault. And you had not been helping, avoiding her questions, brushing off her concerns, all because you didn’t know how to say it.

That had to stop.

You exhaled sharply.

You needed to tell her. But you also knew that telling her face-to-face might make it worse.

Jinx was all reaction—she acted before thinking, emotions bubbling over before she could grab hold of them. If you just told her, there was a chance she’d shut down, that panic would take over before she even had time to process.

But if you left the test somewhere she’d find it, without the pressure of you standing there waiting for a reaction… maybe that would help.

Your eyes landed on her workshop.

That’s it.

She was always working on something, always tinkering with gadgets and bombs. Her workbench was her safe space—the one place she could think things through. If you left the test there, she’d have time to work through the shock before she had to deal with you staring at her, waiting for an answer.

Decision made, you swallowed hard and forced yourself to move.

Jinx wasn’t in the workshop, which was perfect. You stepped inside, ignoring the usual chaos of scattered blueprints and half-finished projects, and placed the pregnancy test dead center on her workbench.

She wouldn’t miss it.

You took a shaky step back, staring at the little plastic stick like it might suddenly shout the news for you.

This was the best way. You had to believe that.

Taking a deep breath, you turned and walked out. You’d give her a couple of hours—enough time to let her mind run in circles, freak out, and hopefully settle before you came back.

You just had to hope she wouldn’t blow anything up in the process.

‧͙*˚⁺‧͙ㅤ ওㅤㅤֺㅤ ⠀⠀✧ ⠀ ㅤֺㅤ ওㅤ ㅤ*̩̩͙‧͙*˚⁺ ͙

Jinx’s POV

Jinx felt like her skin didn’t fit right.

Something was wrong.

You were gone again, and she had no idea where or why. You kept sneaking off, looking at her like she was some kind of fragile bomb that might explode if you said the wrong thing.

She hated it.

Hated not knowing.

Hated the pit of anxiety gnawing at her stomach.

She stomped into her workshop, muttering to herself, fingers twitching at her sides. Maybe she could work on something, blow off some steam, keep her hands busy before she—

Her eyes landed on her workbench.

Jinx froze.

There, right in the middle of the mess, was something that didn’t belong. A little box.

Her brows furrowed. She stepped closer, picking it up and flipping it over in her hands. The words on the front made her stomach drop.

Pregnancy Test.

Her breath hitched.

That wasn’t—

No way.

She ripped the box open, fingers fumbling as she pulled out the little plastic stick inside.

Two pink lines.

Her heart stopped.

She stared at it, willing the lines to disappear, to change, to be anything else.

Two lines meant—

It meant—

Jinx’s breath came fast and shallow, her grip tightening around the test. Her thoughts were spiraling too fast to grab onto.

You were pregnant.

With her baby.

Her lungs felt too tight. Her hands were shaking. The world tilted, her brain screaming at her to do something, but she didn’t even know what.

This was why you’d been acting weird. This was why you were avoiding her, why you looked so nervous every time she got too close.

Oh.

Oh, shit.

Did you think she’d be mad? Did you think she wouldn’t want this?

Jinx stumbled back, almost knocking over a pile of scrap metal.

A baby. A tiny, fragile thing that would need her, to touch her, to need her warmth.

Her.

Jinx.

A girl who broke everything she touched.

She squeezed her eyes shut, sucking in a sharp breath. No, no, don’t go there, don’t—

Her brain wanted to run, to slip into that dark, gnawing place where she wasn’t enough, where she couldn’t be enough. But another thought cut through the panic—sharp, insistent.

You hadn’t left.

You didn’t run.

You left this for her to find, trusting that she’d handle it.

She blinked down at the test again.

Her fingers loosened.

The fear was still there, lurking under her skin, but something else was rising up too—something warm and unfamiliar.

You were having a baby.

Her baby.

Jinx let out a breathless, slightly manic laugh.

She had to find you. Now.

And you had a lot of explaining to do.

̩̩͙‧͙*˚⁺‧͙ㅤ ওㅤㅤֺㅤ ⠀⠀✧ ⠀ ㅤֺㅤ ওㅤ ㅤ*̩̩͙‧͙*˚⁺‧͙

You took your time getting home, dragging your feet through the dimly lit streets of Zaun. Every step felt heavier than the last, your stomach in knots.

You had done it. You had left the test on her desk. You had given her time.

Now you had to face whatever came next.

But the closer you got, the more the fear crept in.

What if she freaked out?

What if she shut down?

What if she left?

Jinx had a habit of running from things that hurt. And this? This had the potential to destroy her.

Your hands were ice-cold when you finally reached the door. You hesitated, heart pounding so hard you could feel it in your throat.

Then, slowly, you pushed it open.

Jinx was standing in the middle of the room.

Her shoulders were hunched, her hands curled into fists at her sides. The pregnancy test was still clutched in her fingers, white-knuckled like she had been holding onto it for hours.

The moment she saw you, she went still.

Completely still.

Your breath caught.

She wasn’t smiling. She wasn’t moving toward you.

She was just staring.

The weight of it crushed you.

She didn’t want this.

You could see it in the way she held herself, in the way her fingers trembled slightly around the test, in the way her mouth parted like she wanted to say something but couldn’t force the words out.

Your stomach turned, a sick, hollow feeling settling in your chest.

She didn’t want this.

And that meant—

You swallowed hard, your voice coming out quiet, fragile.

“I can get rid of it.”

The second the words left your mouth, Jinx broke.

“No!”

Her voice was so sharp, so panicked that it actually made you flinch.

Your breath hitched.

For a moment, neither of you spoke. The room was suffocating, thick with something raw and unbearable.

Jinx’s breathing was uneven, her chest rising and falling too fast. She looked—

Terrified.

Not of you. Not of the baby.

Of losing you.

“You don’t—” her voice cracked, and she shook her head so violently her braids whipped around her shoulders. “Don’t say that. Don’t even think—”

You took a step back.

Jinx moved forward immediately, closing the distance like she was afraid you’d slip away if she didn’t grab hold of you now.

“You thought I didn’t want this?” she asked, voice strangled. “You thought I—?”

You had.

She saw it in your face.

Her expression twisted, something like hurt flashing behind her eyes, and it made your chest ache.

“Shit,” she breathed, voice cracking. Her fingers curled into fists at her sides. “I don’t—I don’t know how to do this, okay? I don’t know how to be—” Her throat bobbed. “I don’t even know how to be a person most days. How the hell am I supposed to be a—?”

She cut herself off.

Didn’t say the word.

Couldn’t.

The weight of it was too much.

You looked down, eyes burning. “Then maybe—”

“No,” she snapped, voice hoarse. “Don’t. Just—don’t.”

Jinx ran a shaking hand over her face, dragging her fingers through her hair.

“I want this,” she admitted, voice barely above a whisper. “I want you. I want—”

Her gaze dropped to your stomach, and something in her expression cracked.

“I want them.”

It was barely a breath, barely a sound, but it knocked the air from your lungs.

She looked lost, like she didn’t know how to want this but did anyway.

Your throat tightened.

“You do?”

Jinx let out a soft, broken laugh, but it was filled with confusion and fear. “I do,” she whispered, her eyes glossy. “I just don’t know how. I don’t know how to be ready for this. But I want to try. I don’t want to lose you. I don’t want to lose us.”

Her voice wavered, and she reached out, her hand trembling as she placed it gently on your stomach. It felt tentative, like she wasn’t sure if she had the right to touch you, like she wasn’t sure if she was allowed to have a future with you and the baby.

But her fingers lingered there, almost as though she were trying to feel something real, something to ground herself. Her breathing was shallow, her body stiff, like she was holding herself together by sheer will.

You didn’t know what to say.

You could see it in her eyes—the fear, the doubt, the overwhelming weight of everything crashing down at once. She loved you, she wanted you, she wanted the baby, but she was terrified. And the last thing she wanted was to ruin everything. She couldn’t bear to mess this up.

But all you could think about was the space between you, the way she was afraid to touch you too hard, like she might break something precious.

“I don’t want to do this alone,” Jinx muttered, her voice cracking as she looked up at you, her face twisted with desperation. “Please, don’t make me do this alone. I… I don’t know how to be a mom. I don’t even know how to fix myself half the time, let alone another person. But I swear to you, I’ll try. I’ll try, okay?”

Her words hung in the air, raw and painful, and you could feel your heart breaking for her. You reached out, pulling her close, wrapping your arms around her. She tensed at first, but then she melted into you, pressing her forehead against your shoulder, her body trembling.

“I’m not going anywhere,” you whispered, your voice thick with emotion. “I’m not leaving you. I’m not leaving this. We’ll figure it out. Together. I promise.”

Jinx clung to you tightly, as if she feared you would disappear if she let go for even a second. Her hands dug into your back, her nails pressing into your skin as though she were holding onto the last thread of stability in her life.

But even as she held onto you, you could feel her shaking. Her whole body was trembling with the weight of everything she was carrying—the fear, the guilt, the uncertainty. She was scared, and you could feel it in the way she breathed, in the way her fingers tightened around you, as if she thought she might lose her grip.

“You don’t have to do it all alone,” you whispered, your voice soothing, trying to reassure both her and yourself. “We don’t have to have it all figured out right now. We’ll take it one day at a time, okay? No pressure. We can be scared together.”

Jinx pulled back slightly, just enough to look you in the eyes. Her face was streaked with tears, her cheeks flushed, and her gaze was still full of uncertainty. But there was something else there, too. Something softer.

“I’m scared,” she admitted, her voice trembling. “I’m terrified. But I want this. I want you.”

Her confession hit you like a wave, crashing through the walls you’d built in your own heart. You couldn’t stop the tears that welled in your eyes, couldn’t stop the sob that escaped your throat. You didn’t want to be scared anymore, either. You didn’t want to doubt everything you had with her, everything that was coming next.

You kissed her then, gently, softly. It wasn’t a kiss of passion or desperation, but one of quiet understanding. Of shared fear, shared hope.

When you pulled away, you both stayed close, your foreheads resting against each other, breathing in unison.

“I’m not leaving,” you repeated, almost to yourself, as much as to her.

Jinx nodded, her breath shaky, but she didn’t pull away. “Promise?”

You smiled faintly through your tears, nodding in return. “I promise.”

She closed her eyes for a moment, letting the silence between you stretch, the weight of everything pressing down on both of you. But there was a new understanding there now. An understanding that no matter how broken you both felt, no matter how terrifying the future seemed, you wouldn’t face it alone.

You had each other.

And that, for now, was enough.

YALL I LOVE THIS REQUEST!!

I want food

[ashortdropandasuddenstop]

James chuckled softly, his fingers continuing to comb through Homelander’s golden hair. “Ah, you make it sound like I’m the world’s most stubborn parasite. Though, I suppose there’s some truth to it. I did cling to you in my own way. Hard to resist when you’re so… you.” His teasing tone softened as his pale cheeks turned a light shade of pink. Homelander’s wink and playful words always caught him off guard, even now. “And you love making me blush because you know it’s rare. Consider yourself lucky, my radiant troublemaker.” James’ voice was warm, affectionate, laced with the depth of his adoration.

He smirked at the playful idea of Vampology for the modern age, shaking his head with a small laugh. “The day vampires start attending classes with PowerPoints and textbooks is the day I truly believe the apocalypse is upon us. That said… you might be onto something.” His voice dropped into a low, thoughtful hum. “A modern twist to our kind wouldn’t hurt. There’s more to us than the old legends. But don’t think I’m going to go easy on you just because you’re my husband and fledgling.” James raised a brow, his eyes sparkling with mock severity. “You’ll earn your after-class mischief… but only if you pass my tests.”

And when the conversation turned to the hunt, the playful mischief in his eyes mirrored in his bond with Homelander. “A whole new meaning to date night, indeed,” he said, the corner of his mouth twitching upward. “You say stealth isn’t your strong suit, I beg to differ. You’ve been blending in for years, fooling the world with that perfect Supe persona. This will just be… a different kind of mask.” He grinned, leaning in closer as his thoughts turned vivid, projecting them through their bond.

James let Homelander see his mind’s eye: the two of them moving through the shadows of a bustling city, the thrill of the hunt sparking through their shared bond. He imagined leading Homelander into the night, their senses heightened, the world around them alive with potential prey. The pulse of life all around them, the scent of blood in the air. He pictured the exhilaration of the chase, the satisfaction of the capture, and the pleasure of sharing a meal side by side. Perhaps dining upon the same person like something out of a twisted 'lady and the tramp' moment. The sheer intimacy of it all.

James licked his lips, the thought stirring the deep, gnawing hunger that never truly faded, no matter how often he fed. His fangs pressed lightly against his bottom lip as his voice dropped into a lower register. “Mmm yes, a pair of apex predators. You… my beautiful hybrid, with your strength, your speed, your senses… and me, the one who knows how to channel it all into the perfect hunt. Imagine it, John. The two of us moving as one, sharing the thrill, the satisfaction. Feeding… together.” His voice carried a faint, hungry edge, though it was tempered by his affection and restraint. "on the same target.. at the same time.. "

His voice had taken on a far away edge to it, and he was all but drooling at the thought.

SupeVamp Hybrid

[howlsofbloodhounds]

writing a story that will include Killer and Color in it (not the main focus but I love their dynamic with how dedicated I’ve seen you and others talk about them) and I want to get their characters right without accidentally tripping up. So I’m here to ask for advice!!

I was thinking that I will have two Killers in my story. The original Killer who escaped Nightmare and the one who’s under Nightmare’s control. Color ofc caring about both of them and wanting to rescue the one under Nightmare’s influence.

How would you say the first Killer would feel when Color does eventually help the new Killer escape Nightmare? And how would the two react when Color moves in the second with him? Could you give me some pointers or ideas?

Some extra info I have in mind is the second Killer will have a missing arm due to tanking a fatal hit for Color (this said fight also being the one that Nightmare lets go of his control and manipulation on Killer due to taking a fatal hit himself and sort of vanishing. But he’s not the main focus as he’ll be gone for quite a bit). The first, original Killer has been free for years with Color and has smoothly integrated himself somewhat back into society under peaceful terms. If it can be called peaceful considering he may face discrimination due to simply being a Killer variant. Mistrust, y’know?

Mainly looking for some pointers on how the three would react to each other or the rest of the Chromatic team (Delta, Epic, Cross…). Thank you in advance!

Ooh I love when people tell me about their projects and fics. I hope you’re having fun writing.

As for tips and everything, I’ll try to stay somewhat broad and just ask some questions that are hopefully helpful for you, because there’s many different factors in things like this—and at the end of the day, this is just my interpretations, thoughts and ideas, and this is your fic and your story. You are free to take and leave whatever I have to say at your own will, if anything at all, if you do or don’t want to.

There’s mainly like, a few big things that would probably needed to be considered in this situation and that is:

1. Is the 1st Killer aware that Color wants to help and save the 2nd Killer, and is he aware that the 2nd Killer is staying with them? Is the 2nd Killer aware of the 1st Killer and the rest of the Chromatic Crew? Is this a conversation that was had prior, was it a spur of the moment thing, etc? Was there any time to prepare?

2. What are the similarities and differences between the two Killers? They are both Killer of course, but how exactly are they different and in what ways; what was their experiences with their humans and Nightmare like? What was the 2nd Killer’s relationships with them like? How did the actions by Color and the 1st Killer effect the 2nd Killer, considering that is 1’s replacement, and 2 would have to be dealing with the consequences of another’s actions and choices?

3. Does the 2nd Killer actually trust Color, or does he feel like he has no choice but to be there because Nightmare is gone and no one else will have him? Is this a version of a Killer who feels discarded and useless so early on, that he thinks he’ll be useful for Color? Or that Color will be useful for him, if this version is particularly loyal or attached to Nightmare, or even just more self serving or self interested in some way?

4. How has the 1st Killer’s healing been going exactly? What has he unlearned or learned in all these years, and how has he changed? If the presence of a 2nd Killer were to send the 1st Killer back in a few steps in recovery, what would that look like? What would this Killer regressing or progressing look like, and what would be the things either from the 2nd Killer himself or the things the 2nd Killer does/says that reminds the 1st of/makes the 1st remember something that sends him backwards?

5. Conditioning/training. How was that similar and different for the both of them, how did the 1st Killer leaving Nightmare effect the training that the 2nd Killer was put through, and how does that effect the 2nd Killer’s views and opinions of other Killer variants and maybe even Color himself? How far along has the 1st Killer gotten in his deconditioning, and how conditioned was the 2nd Killer by the time Nightmare disappeared? Was the 2nd Killer led to believe certain things about Color?

6. How did the 2nd Killer meet Nightmare? Or to be more accurate, how does the 2nd Killer understand his first meeting with Nightmare—regardless of how true or accurate it may or may not be—and how does that affect his views of and relationship with NM, and how he views his job under Nightmare, and by extension—how does this 2nd Killer understand his place and reputation in the Multiverse? Feared, pitied, just another cheap replacement? Did other people attempt to help him before Color, given that there was a previous successfully saved Killer?

And there’s probably more and I don’t know if that was helpful at all, but that’s what I got in general for rn. Maybe something more specific eventually.

[zestinator5000]

I think they’re friends :•)

[jewishbarbies]

ethel cain is actually so funny and by funny i mean stupid bc what do you mean Kamala “got on that debate stage and said israel had the right to blow the levant to smithereens”? are you just dumb? is that what it is? I genuinely don’t understand where she got that from bc it doesn’t even sound like we watched the same debate. if you take “israel has the right to defend itself from terror attacks (as all countries do)” to mean “israel has the right to blow everyone up indiscriminately bc why not” you should probably refrain from public speaking, bc that’s embarrassingly intellectually dishonest.

[wallissa]

“Fem!Sam would wear cute workout sets and—“ fem!Sam would wear Dean’s hand me downs which are John’s hand me downs, a switchblade in her Walmart sports bra and lipgloss Dean shoplifted for her.

[unfinishedslurs]

do u love the colors of the comphet

When it’s over, when Henry Creel is dead and dust and they’ve emerged battered and triumphant. When she and Jonathan have ended things. When there is no more fighting to be done, she and Steve give it another go. 

She knows he’s going to ask the same way she knew in ‘83. There’s no waiting this time, no need to wonder if Jonathan might want her too. They gave it the old college try (He lied to her. He was lying to her for months, and she knew something was wrong before that. She thought they could work it out. She’s so fucking sick of lying to herself being lied to). 

He asks with wide, hopeful eyes, running a nervous hand through his hair. He doesn’t have anything to be nervous about. She made up her mind before he even asked. 

She can do it right this time. She can love this boy the way she wants to. The way he wants her to. They’ve both grown in the years since. She’s going to do this right. 

That’s the mantra she keeps in her head when he picks her up and spins her. I can do this. 

She can’t do this. 

It’s somehow the same and different from when they dated the first time. They’re going through the same motions, but there’s something lacking. They’re both older, more jaded. They’re not kids anymore, and it shows. 

They rarely kiss. He hesitates now in a way he didn’t before. Sex is something they don’t bring up at all. Eddie makes a crude joke once, something or other about what Nancy is like in bed, and she and Steve make eye contact. There’s something there, something like mutual understanding, before Robin smacks Eddie upside the back of the head and the moment breaks. She keeps thinking about it long after. Whatever it is that they shared, they don’t talk about it. 

Maybe they’re lying to themselves, both of them. Puppets going through the motions, too stubborn to admit they’re play acting as real people. Still, she can’t give this up. She can’t make the same mistakes all over again. 

Robin corners her two months into the relationship. Part of Nancy is surprised it took her this long. The rest of her is angry she brings it up at all. 

Saying she’s cornered might be doing her a disservice. They’re having a sleepover, painting their nails and talking about boys. Everything a girl is supposed to do. Except Robin is awkward and fumbling, and every name she brings up sounds like a question. Nancy only has Steve to talk about, and barely talks about him at all. 

Finally Robin sighs and puts down the nail polish. “I feel like this subject is making us both miserable,” she declares. “I don’t want to talk about boys, I was just doing it because I thought that’s what you’re supposed to do at girl sleepovers. I haven’t actually been to a sleepover since I was in middle school and the other girls decided I was weird, but I’m pretty sure the point is to have fun. This is not fun. This is agonizing. We should talk about something else.”

“Steve isn’t making me miserable!” She snaps, before realizing she sounds way too defensive. 

Robin peers at her. “Yeah, see, that’s not what I said. That’s not even a little bit close to what I said. Maybe we should talk about this instead. What’s the deal with you and Steve?”

“What deal? There’s no deal.” She turns around and rummages through the nail polish selection. Robin doesn’t exactly have a variety. Her options are red, dark red, and black. She chooses the brighter red with the absent thought that the black would look good on Robin, with her long fingers and dark eyeliner. Then she banishes that thought away. 

“There’s definitely some kind of deal.”

“There isn’t.”

“Nance.” 

She can’t help but turn around then, drawn in by the tone of her voice. There’s a glass wall inside of her, and someone is pounding on it, trying to get out. She wants Robin to see it. She wants someone to see behind the glass. There’s something in her trying to get out. 

“Nancy,” she says again, eyes searing into her soul, “are you happy?”

She smiles, fake and fixed on her face. The glass stays firmly in place.  “Of course I am,” she replies. “Why wouldn’t I be?”

The next time Robin wants to hang out, she’s busy with college preparations. 

It’s not just Robin. She thinks everyone can tell something’s wrong with her. Eddie gives her these looks every time she and Steve are in front of him, like he’s putting together a puzzle. Her mom keeps trying to talk to her. Jonathan keeps trying to talk to her. 

They know, she thinks wildly, every time. She doesn’t know what it is they know. She doesn’t want to find out. 

She avoids them all. 

When she and Steve go to dinner, the waitress captivates her. 

Long, dark hair in braids. Long fingers tapping against the notepad. Dark eyes in a dark face. She’s always loved brown eyes. Nancy has never been one to be jealous of other girls (lie, lie, lie), but suddenly heat floods her body. She wants to be as gorgeous as this woman. She wants her full lips, popping gum. She wants the woman’s swaying hips as she turns and leaves their table. She wants— she wants—

She tears her gaze away to find Steve already looking at her. 

The heat is dosed by the ice that fills her veins. All her senses go on high alert until she realizes he’s actually staring past her. She turns around to see the bartender. He’s handsome, she thinks, tall with tan skin and brown hair carefully styled. He’s talking to a customer, teeth shining as he laughs. 

When she turns back, Steve has firmly fixed his eyes on her. She could almost believe he’d never been staring at the bartender at all. 

There’s something there. Something just out of reach, something she could put a finger out and touch if she were braver. She doesn’t. There’s no gun in her hand here, no adrenaline to keep her going after it all falls apart. 

“What did your dumb boyfriend do this time?” Mike demands, storming in her room. Nancy has half a mind to yell at him to knock first before she registers his words. 

“Steve is- Steve is fine,” she says, startled. “He’s great, actually. Nothings wrong.“

“Then why are you so miserable all the time?” Mike accuses. 

“I am not miserable!”

“You are! You both are, and neither of you will tell anyone what’s wrong, or why-“

“I don’t know why!” She shrieks. Mike falls silent, eyes wide, and Nancy suddenly realizes she’s crying. 

“I don’t know why,” she repeats. “Everything is fine. He’s like, the perfect fucking boyfriend. It’s me, I’m the problem. There’s something wrong with me. There’s a beautiful boy who loves me, and I’m- I’m trying. I’m trying so hard to love him back, but I can’t. I can’t. There’s something wrong with me.” She’s desperate now, wiping away tears as she curls into a ball. She feels pathetic, crying in front of her little brother. She’s the oldest, she should be keeping it together, she shouldn’t let him see her like this. But she can’t help it. There’s something in her screaming to get out. 

Mike, with all the grace and bewilderment of a newborn deer, gingerly pats her shoulder. 

“Have you…talked to Steve about it?”

She gives him a cutting look. It’s probably not as effective as she wants it to be, with her red eyes and tear streaked face. Mike holds his hands up. 

“I’m just saying! He’s your boyfriend, you should talk to him. And if you don’t want him to be your boyfriend, you should really talk to him.”

“I want him to be my boyfriend, I just need to get past whatever this is—“

“Nancy,” Mike says. “It’s not just you. He’s miserable too.”

“Because of me. I just need to—“

Mike shakes his head. “I don’t think it is. If it were because of you, he’d be acting different. More…kicked puppy, or whatever. He’s just being weird,  and won’t tell anyone why. Dustin said he asked Robin, and she doesn’t even know.”

Nancy doesn’t have anything to say to that. 

“I think you need to talk to him,” he says again. “I think you need to talk to each other.”

“When did you get so smart?” She asks, instead of crying again. 

“I’ve always been smarter than you.”

She kicks him for that blatant lie.

“Are we holding onto a dead thing?” She asks out loud. 

He rolls over and looks at her. She’s worried she’s hurt his feelings, broken his heart again, killed any chance they have at a relationship, romantic or not. Then he snorts. 

“Robin got to you too, huh?” He asks, flopping back onto his back to look up at the sky. 

“Mike, actually.”

“Mike? That shithead? What does he know about relationship problems?”

“Are we having relationship problems?”

“I mean,” he says, wry twist to his mouth, “we haven’t had any arguments.”

“Nope.”

“Or general drama.”

“That might be debatable.”

“There’s no need to spice up our sex life.”

She snacks him for that one, and he laughs. She props herself up to look him in the eye. His face is more open than she’s seen it the entire time they’ve been dating. 

“I think you have to be in a relationship to have ‘relationship problems,’” she tells him. “Are we in a relationship?”

He visibly considers this. “I mean, I asked you out, and you said yes. And we never broke up.”

“We haven’t kissed in at least two weeks.”

“Did you want to?”

She takes a moment to think about it. “Not really,” she admits, and his face splits into a grin. 

“Not that you’re not still wonderful, Nancy Wheeler,” he says, teeth shining, “but I don’t think I want to kiss you either. Isn’t that weird?”

When they dated in high school, it was like he couldn’t stand being away from her. He spent every moment he could kissing her, wherever he could. Sometimes it felt almost like a performance he put on for the people around them, lifting her up and spinning her just so everyone would know how in love they were. It was stifling at times, feeling like something to prove. Still, it was how he was, so in love he could burst with it. 

Now, she wonders if it was always a performance. Maybe they’ve both been on a stage, and neither of them noticed the lights blinding them until now. 

“It is a little weird,” she says finally.

“Right?!”

He holds out a hand to shake, the other one firmly in his pocket. God, she wishes she could love him. “Good go, eh Wheeler?” He asks, smile crooked and shaky. 

She snorts. “We made ourselves and everyone around us miserable,” she points out. But she takes his hand. 

[reverecurrent]

isn’t it so ironic that my WHITE rich privileged professor of my women and gender; transportation class is filling me (a queer, poor, transportation disadvantaged student) in her class ABOUT vulnerable ppl.

[milo-is-rambling]

Omg yesterday at my moms therapy I said how well I had been doing and feeling like I can actually handle life and my mom was immediately like “that’s because you’ve been taking your meds regularly again” and like completely brushed off any progress I had actually made and I had to be like yeah totally that’s it that’s why exactly when I haven’t taken my meds for a week straight in idk how long

[room215]

i had genuine stuff to say here but i think that just posting this as is is better honestly

[cetoddle-archive]

therapy was interesting she kinda just out of nowhere asks if i like writing and i was hesitantly like….yes……and she got all excited she was like you should really pursue that. i think that’d be great for you. and i was like thank you but why are you saying this. i don’t remember exactly what she said cause i think i blacked out a little but basically said im very well spoken and deliberate with my word choice and she said she’d have been very surprised if i said i don’t write at all

[dual-dreamer]

In other news, I think it would be a great idea to give demon Jack a biting kink AND the habit to constantly chew gum because he is not allowed or able to bite people in his current powerless state lol

[preserve-or-raze]

my tags got out of hand

i keep thinking about hobbies and how i often spill over myself to pick up new ones. i have adhd, i end up trying something for like a month and then just getting far enough in it that i move on, satisfied.

and that should be fine; but it's never fine.

i am a pretty decent artist; but i can't just make art for my dnd campaign, i should be selling dnd maps and character designs and scene setting pieces. i can't just make my friends matching earrings, i need to get an etsy and ship them internationally and take bulk orders. i make pretty good props and decorations and use them to throw my friends parties - but i should be running a party planning business and start taking paying clients and networking and putting my skills to actual use.

for some reason, i never figured out the specifics of pottery. it was a fun class and i enjoyed myself - and still, i'm embarrassed, years later, that i put in all that useless effort. everything i make has to be stunning. stellar. i should have applied myself more. maybe i'm too lazy. maybe i'm broken and selfish and needy. actually creative people would have kept going; they would be bettering themselves at every possible opportunity.

we find ourselves in this trap, even accidentally: we need to commodify our time, because it is a commodity. if we spend our efforts and our time not earning, isn't that the same thing as burning free money? and god forbid you ever take up a hobby that ends up being more expensive than you thought. you sit in your car and you look at the receipt and in your head you hear a conversation that isn't even happening - your mom or your friend or your partner all saying oh great. not this shit again. it's always something with you, and it never actually means anything.

i have realized this horrible thing, recently - i'll get excited to start a project, pick up a new hobby. and then i just... stop myself. i start thinking about the amount of time it will take, and how it'll look in my monthly budget. what if i can't even produce a good enough final product. sure, it's exciting to think about how i could make my friend her own custom dice. but i'm just polluting the earth if i don't get it right. better not bother. better not try.

restless, i get caught in the negative space. the feeling that oh god, i want to create. and that horrible sense - yeah, but i don't have the time to just put to waste.