#so I’m hoping it stops feeling like my life is over sooner rather than later

[bambino1294]

the absolute severity of the change in my ability to work quickly post-covid is insane

[collapsedglasshouses]

HOTEL NEIGHBORS || Noah Sebastian x fem!Reader

PHOTO CREDIT: Bryan Kirks

SUMMARY: After you hear Noah talk about liking experienced women, you can't help but feel insecure about yourself. Noah wants nothing but to lift your spirits.

WARNINGS: SMUT, MDNI, friends to lovers, inexperienced reader, slight ? dom!noah i guess, oral sex (female receiving), unprotected p in v (dont do that), slight mutual pining?, not edited oopsie, ...

TAGLIST: @measuredingold @cncohshit @circle-with-me @jilliemiw86 @justeli6

A/N: This idea planted itself in my head last night and I don't even know what to say anymore. I’m more than stressed because of university, but I hope my creative spark is coming back rather sooner than later. Is anyone actually reading what I say here. If you're reading this say hi in the comments, ily. Please, enjoy and consider reblogging if you liked it.

You didn’t exactly know you had gotten into this situation but at this exact moment you were shifting in your place and wanted nothing more but to vanish into thin air.

You were currently sitting in a hotel lobby, exhausted and tired from the show the boys had played, and waited for Matt to hand you the keys to your hotel rooms. Somehow in the course of the last ten minutes, the conversation between the guys had turned. They were talking about previous relationships and the experience it came with since Folio had been freshly separated from his ex-girlfriend.

“I don’t know what it is, but I feel like I just want someone with more experience, you know? I’m not saying I wouldn’t date anyone who doesn’t have much experience but I just-… I don’t know. You know what I mean, Noah?” Folio rambled and looked at the man next to you in hopes to find confirmation.

“Yeah, I know. I prefer women with experience, too. I guess.” Noah just mindlessly mumbled while looking at his phone.

You knew for sure the boys didn’t say this in an ill intend but somehow this exchange began to bother you more than you wanted it to. In all honesty, it felt like a punch straight to your face. You felt stupid that this simple exclaim from Noah got to you, but you couldn’t really help it. It wasn’t like you never had sex. You had a boyfriend that you dated from high school to about two years ago, but when it came to your sex life it felt like you never really experienced anything. You knew almost everything that only concerned you, but when it came to another person being involved, your knowledge stopped. You knew what you liked and what you disliked. But that didn’t make the conversation you just witnessed any less hurtful.

You swallowed hard before standing up from your waiting seat in a rather fast manner.

“Imma head to the bathroom.” You mumbled so quietly you feared nobody would have heard you, before walking away. You didn’t see how Noah looked after you with a confused facial expression.

You slammed the door shut behind you and stared at your reflection in the fancy bathroom mirror. Your eyes were watery and you hated yourself for that. Especially Noah’s sentence echoed in your head and you hated that you had a weak spot for him. You hated that you got along with him too well for your liking. When the band hired you as an assistant for Matt about a year ago, you hadn’t planned that all of this would happen. You thought you were there for only one tour and now you were already on your third with the band. To your astonishment, you got along wonderfully with everyone, but you and Noah had a special bond. You didn’t know what it was exactly but somehow you repeatedly found yourself in deep conversations about literally everything with him. It took you well over six months to realize that you didn’t just simply like him as a friend, but you were starting to fall for him.

Right now, you hated yourself that you never got brave enough to admit it to him. You always acted like nothing had changed and you felt embarrassed about the fact that a small sentence like that could throw you off so bad when you didn’t have the right to act like that about it.

A couple of minutes passed before you had enough courage to head back to the boys. So, you took a deep breath and wiped away the single tear that had managed to escape, before stepping out of the bathroom again. Gladly, you didn’t have to justify your sudden move as Matt approached the group at the same time as you to hand you the keys.

“Finally, I thought we needed to sleep in the lobby.” You managed to say with a lopsided smile while Matt handed you your key.

While your group headed in the elevator, you took up a small conversation with Matt about things that had happened at tonight’s show, before he headed out together with the others. The only two left in the elevator being, of course, you and Noah.

“Looks like we’re neighbors tonight.” He answered you with a sweet smile after looking at your key for a second.

“Cool.” You tried to exclaim as friendly as possible and cringed for your second. Even the most unempathetic person on this planet would have realized that something was going on with you, but you were glad Noah decided to not talk about it as you walked to your rooms.

A couple of hours later, you were finished with your evening and ready to go to sleep but before you could slip under the blankets, you heard a slight knock on your door. For a second, you considered to just ignore it but when it knocked again, you sighed and opened the door just enough to look who was disturbing your peace at these ungodly times.

You were greeted by Noah with a worried expression on his face. For a second, you just looked at him confused, but he was fast to explain, while you opened the door a little more.

“Tell me what I did. You’ve been ignoring literally all my texts for more than three hours at this point.” He exclaimed and crossed his arms in front of his chest. Of course, he was right about his statement. You had seen his texts. Normally, you’d test about the concert or some random stuff until you were both to sleepy to respond, but you had decided you couldn’t deal with him this evening. Not after you got so emotional because of a stupid sentence.

“I have no idea what you are talking about.” You lied and mirrored his gesture.

He lifted his eyebrow, and you already know he wouldn’t let you out of that conversation until you gave him the answers he wanted. “Gaslight someone else, sweetheart.” He grumbled.

You sighed and looked at your hands. “It’s nothing, Noah.”

“Oh, come on. You know nothing you is unimportant.” He encouraged you.

It felt stupid. Stupid how easy it was to open up to him, but you knew you couldn’t just tell him what’s been on your mind, so you simply shook your head. You were about to close the door, when he reached into the doorframe and pressed himself in your room while you protested.

“Y/n. Seriously, what’s going on?” He muttered in a soft tone while sitting down on your bed. He patted the place next to him. When you sat down, he turned to fully face you and touched your shoulder. “Please talk to me.”

“I really can’t, Noah.” You whispered. “It’s so fucking stupid.”

You felt so dumb, you wanted to slap yourself. You didn’t want this to go bad. You hated your feelings for choosing him. For opening up to him. For becoming so close with him. You remembered how you had joked with Matt about how everyone would eventually fall for THE lead singer and how you said Noah is just a really good friend and now look at you. Unable to even look him straight in the face.

“Did I say something?” Noah wanted to know, and you briefly looked at him. You couldn’t hold his gaze any longer in fear you would crack. You looked at his shirt to calm your thoughts but that was when you noticed his neckline and your thoughts instantly began to wander.

“You never not tell me anything.” Noah urged.

“Why are you so desperate?” You asked him in slight annoyance and swept his hand of your shoulder.

He blinked surprised for a couple of seconds before answering you. “Because you can’t even look at me and I don’t like that.”

Your heart jumped with happiness when you heard that confession, even if it was innocent.

“That’s not true.” – “Then look at me.”

You sighed before forcing your eyes onto his for a second just to look away again.

“See?” He mumbled, defeated. “I’m sorry if I said something that upset you. I didn’t mean it.”

“So, you didn’t mean you liked girls with experience better than others?” You spat out before you could even think about it more and instantly regretted it.

Noah opened and closed his mouth in confusion. He knew about your previous experiences or lack of experience.

“See that’s exactly why I didn’t want to tell you. It is dumb.” You tried to brush off what had just happened, but Noah shook his head.

“No, no, no. It’s not dumb. I didn’t mean it like that, I-…” He began to explain but you just sighed and rolled your eyes.

“Just stop, Noah.” You mumbled and laid down on your bed. “We should get some sleep. Tomorrow is another stressful day.”

“N-no… I really didn’t mean it like that. I wasn’t even paying attention to Folio. I-… I don’t care about experience, Y/N. I consider myself lucky if anyone gets close to me at the moment. I’m a stressed mess, you know.” Noah rambled out and you noticed that he was nervous. You couldn’t really think about why.

“Oh c’mon. Everyone would consider themselves lucky to sleep with you, Noah. And you fucking know that.” You joked halfheartedly, but then a smile crept onto his face.

“You too?” He asked with a broad smirk on his face.

“Huh?” You huffed as your eyes grew wide.

“I mean… I know you are worried about not having too much experience… I just-…” He swallowed hard. “I could… help with that.”

“You wanna have sex with me?” You bluntly asked your friend and felt your heart almost exploding in your chest.

“I-… You know, we-… I-…” He began to stutter for a second but then he saw how nervous you looked and stopped in his tracks. “So, you wanna have sex with me.”

You felt your cheeks heat up and you swallowed hard. “Uh… I…”

“Forget it, you don’t have to answer th-…” – “Actually, I do.”

Your voice was not more than a whisper while your thoughts were racing. You just blankly confessed that to him, because you were tired. Tired of holding back.

“You are joking, right?” Noah mumbled; his mouth slightly open.

“Oh, come on. As if this comes as a surprise. There are literally people writing fanfiction about you.” You said and ran a hand through your hair in frustration.

“And you know that why?” He exclaimed and smiled lopsidedly.

Your eyebrows rose for a second when you realized what you had said.

When you didn’t answer, he spoke again. “So, you wanna have sex with me?”

“Trust me, with each word coming out of your mouth, the urge is getting less and less.” You answered him and rolled your eyes. His smile faded slightly, and he looked you deep in the eyes.

“Would you feel better if I told you I’ve thought about it, too?” He exclaimed and the tone of his voice shot straight to your core. This didn’t feel real.

“Yeah… Yeah that would help.” You mumbled and swallowed hard, not knowing how to proceed.

A second later, Noah was hovering over your, his face only a couple of inches away from you and you felt how the atmosphere in the room changed.

“You really wanna do this?” He asked you as your hands travelled to the hem of your shirt. You nodded.

“Tell me, you want this.” He almost pleaded with you.

“I want you to fuck me, Noah. For god sake, should I write it down for you?” You whisper-shouted against his lips and with that he giggled quietly before kissing your lips with such force that you realized he wasn’t joking. You grabbed his face and pulled him even closer to you. It felt like you two grasped onto everything. It felt like you were each other’s last meal. Like you were starved for so long, you couldn’t control it anymore.

You wrapped your legs around his waist and pulled him down towards your core that was only clothed in your underwear, and you could feel how hard he was. You couldn’t help but grind against him. He slightly moaned into your mouth as your tongues danced with each other and you moved your hips again.

“Stop that.” He suddenly groaned against your mouth, and you began to grin. “What if I don’t?”

“Then I’m not going to go easy on you, sweetheart.” He warned you. It didn’t take a second for you to grind against him one more time, while smiling proudly about what a hard time he had with you.

“You’re going to regret that.” He mumbled and grabbed your hips with his hand firmly. This alone almost made you cum. It felt like something in him snapped. His pupils were blown wide with lust and then he was underdressing you. It was like he was ripping you out of your clothes.

When he reached your underwear, he stopped for a second and looked at you for reassurance. It was the last chance for you to tell him, but you didn’t want that. You didn’t want him to stop.

“I trust you.” You breathed out and bucked your hips for a second.

“You don’t even know how long I’ve been waiting for his, Y/n.” He answered you as he slowly slipped down your underwear. He didn’t waste any time after that and only a few kisses later to your stomach, you felt how his tongue moved through your folds. A soft moan escaped your mouth and you arched your hips to possibly get any closer to him.

Your hands found their way in your hair. It wasn’t the first time someone went down on you, but never before had it felt so intense to you.

He pinned your hips down to the bed with one arm and his tongue was devouring you like it was the last thing he would do. The sounds you were making only made him go harder. Then you felt how he added a finger inside of you, quickly followed by another.

“Oh my-… Fuck, Noah.” You gasped and you felt the vibrations of his laugh against your core. You felt a knot building inside of you and you tried to concentrate on anything that would help you not to come instantly.

“I can feel that you’re close.” He mumbled against you and flicked his tongue over your clit while his fingers pumped in and out of you.

You nodded, unable to form clear words without moaning them.

“I know, you can go longer than that, Y/n.” He hummed against you, and you felt like you were going insane.

“God, please.” You cried out, fearing you couldn’t hold it any longer.

His mouth and fingers felt so good, you were sure you couldn’t help yourself much longer. You felt your orgasm built up and then-… He stopped. He pulled away from you, his fingers out of your pussy and you whined at the loss of contact.

He grabbed your face with the hand that had been inside of you just seconds before and looked you in the eyes. “When you come tonight, it’s gonna be on my cock.”

“You know, it’s kind of unfair that I’m laying here completely naked while you’re fully clothed.” You breathed out with a small smile on your face.

“Oh, yeah?” He laughed against your lips before climbing of the bed to get out of his clothes. His eyes never left yours and yours never left his.

He was in nothing but his underwear, his cock hard underneath them and you bit your lip as his hands hooked under the waistband and he slowly slit them off. Your eyes slowly widened at the sight of his member, and you suddenly realized that all of this was real. He looked so perfect. All of him.

“You still okay?” He asked as he crawled back to you.

“Yes.” You breathed out when he was on top of you again. He leaned down to kiss you. You could feel him against your core, his cock moving between your folds as if he belonged there.

“Noah, please.” You moaned out and let your hands roam over his back.

“Yes?” He teased you and rocked his hips once more.

“Don’t be such a tease.” You whined and dragged your fingernails over his back. He let out a soft moan.

“Tell me what you want, Y/n.” Noah exclaimed, and you whined, before rolling your eyes.

“Do that again and I’ll make you regret it.” He breathed out.

“Oh, I’m so scared.” You answered him in a mocking tone and he instantly gave his words truth.

For the second time something snapped inside of him. You let out a small yelp as he flipped you over in a swift motion, your chest hitting the mattress. He grabbed your hips with such force, you were sure he would leave bruises.

“You still wanna continue to be a brat?” He asked you in an almost dangerous tone and you shook your head.

“Fuck, you’re dripping.” He almost moaned and you felt this cock against your ass. He positioned himself behind you, his tip teasing your entrance. His hands wandered over your hips softly and you felt a kiss against your neck. “We can stop anytime.”

“Please, don’t stop.” You breathed out. After that he slowly slid into you, your mouth open in a silent moan as he bottomed out.

“Is that alright?” He asked with a soft tone as you tried to get used to the feeling of him inside of you.

“Yes, everything is perfect.” You moaned out.

When he started to move, you thought you were going to die. In a good way. In a way that made you decide right there and then that when your time has come, this was how you wanted it to end.

“Oh, my f-… Noah.” You whispered out and gripped the sheets beneath you.

His right hand slowly reached to the front of your body and found your clit. He swiftly circled it while rocking into you.

His head was buried in your neck and the room was filled with moans and pants and curse words that were almost illegal to speak out.

“Shit, Y/N.” He whined into your neck. “You feel so good.” His thrust became faster and you were almost certain the bed was going to break if he kept that pace. But you were too far gone to care. You felt that knot in your stomach again and you knew this time you couldn’t contain yourself.

“Come on. Come for me, sweetheart.” He whispered against the back of your head, and you screamed. You screamed load enough that you were sure Jolly in the room underneath to you would hear.

He fucked you through it, his pace only slowing down moments later, right before he pulled out and you felt hot liquid painting your back.

You let yourself fall onto the pillow and he soon collapsed next to you. You turned to face him and could help but smile at him. He reached out to brush a strand of hair out of your face. “Are you okay?”

“Yeah, but I’m in desperate need of a shower and I don’t even wanna talk about the lack of sleep we’ll have tomorrow.” You answered him and giggle for a second that caused him to smile.

“It was worth it.” He mumbled before leaning in again.

“Yes… yes it was.” Your lips met in a soft kiss and for a second everything inside of you began to tingle. You knew this was a new chapter for the both of you and that this was only the beginning.

“Let’s shower.” He mumbled before getting up and reaching out to help you up. He slung his arms around you for a second. “Maybe you can tell me about those fanfictions while showering.”

Your eyes widened for a second, before you made your way to the bathroom, followed by a laughing Noah.

“I’ll keep that to myself.” You answered him, before closing the bathroom door behind the two of you.

dividers by @saradika-graphics

[wayfayrr]

By your side from day one <3

finally set aside some time to finish off wilds turn for being self aware, the smartest one who found a way to get out without breaking your tv and getting the glass shards of screen everywhere. I'll be back on requests and such soon though!! <3

[masterlist]

“Come on [name], you can’t be serious about missing out on plans just to talk to someone you don’t even know is real.”

“You say like I would want to go clubbing tonight either way, besides he’s said he’s just been working up the courage to video call.”

“And you trust that?”

They’ve got enough of a conscious to look a bit ashamed when I look at them, I know they’re worried for me but of all the things to be so worked up about this seems harmless. 

“What if I told you that he was messaging me and telling me to stop talking to you.”

“Can you show me the proof.”

“Well… no. he deleted them immediately afterwards.”

Are they just jealous? This is so unlike them that it’s offputting. I know they can get a little worked up when I get close to other people but accusing my online friend - accusing wild - of threatening them? It’s petty and childish. Are they afraid I’ll replace them or something? 

“Okay, alright. This isn’t going to make me cut him off you know?”

“[name]...”

“Reach out when you don’t feel like senselessly trying to cut me off from others. I’ll see you around.”

Hopefully, it’s sooner rather than later, but if they don’t? It’s their own fault they thought they would need to sabotage my other relationships to get closer to me. They even have the audacity to call out after me as I’m leaving, still trying to warn me about him, like they can’t accept I would dare get close to anyone else. Not like it doesn’t feel awful potentially losing a friend like this, but what can I really do?

The trip home seems to pass in a blur, until I’m already collapsed onto my couch with a familiar notif going off on my phone. Opening it proves it is exactly what I expected it to be, a message from him, asking me how my day has gone showing me more care than nearly every other person in my life ever has. Not expecting me to drop everything on a dime for him, even if recently he’s been getting more possessive in his messages like he wants to be serious when I’ve never seen his face. 

- I’ve been decent, met up with a friend. Not much really, you? - 

- Had to do chores for someone I don’t like >:( wanna get away from everything tbh - 

- why not just up and leave? - 

- I mean, it’s not like I haven’t been planning something - 

Seems like the possessive streak has worn off now then, so I don’t have to worry about mentioning friends again. There isn’t even a reason he should be possessive of me though, unless he’s got a secret crush or something. Which I hope he doesn’t, he’s been speaking to me for barely a couple of weeks. 

- You free to call tonight? It’s been a while. - 

- I’m good rn if you are. I’ll just grab my headphones - one sec - 

- :DD perf perf - 

Honestly a call will be nice, I can just zone out for a bit, play some games and chat. It’s the perfect way to destress after everything that happened earlier, I still can’t believe they threw away our friendship over something so small. Maybe I should just block their number and drop them even if they do try and apologise, I don’t really need people like that in my life. 

“So then love, any plans for tonight?”

“I thought you said you were gonna drop calling me that?”

“It’s silly and you didn’t answer my question anyway.”

“Nah not really. I’m just loading up breath of the wild, been a bit since I’ve -”

“Oh shit.”

Has wild been link this whole time, wait - how did he get access to the internet, HOW IS HE SENTIENT?  

He’s just sitting in his hateno house, holding the sheikah slate like a phone and silently, through the switch anyway, talking. The look of horror on his face is gut-wrenching though.

“You - you…”

“Oh - uh - I mean. Come on love it’s not that bad is it? I - I’m not going to hurt you, I swear.”

“I don’t think I want to deal with this right now… I’m sorry I just.”

The look of horror and shame shifted terrifyingly fast when he noticed me moving to turn off the switch, replacing itself with fear and anger before he steeled himself, and presses his hand against the slate’s screen?

…

He - he’s reached through my phone to grab onto my wrist. 

“No, don’t turn me off, I can’t go back to being just a voice. Please”

“How… how are you DOING THIS?”

“That… Isn’t what matters right now.”

His grip feels so nervous, he looks it too - which makes sense, I would probably be petrified if I lost my body just because I was trapped in a game. I can’t turn him off that would be cruel… he deserves better than that. 

It instantly lightened as I moved to sit back down, a sigh of relief echoing through both my tv speakers and my phone, as he let go the second I sat with his hand retreating through my unbroken phone. 

“Okay, you promise you won’t try to turn me off?”

“I won’t if you’ll explain.”

“That - that’s fair, I can do that for you love and - if I told you that I think I’ve figured out a way to get out? Would you let me live with you?”

“So that’s why you were so forward abou- yes you can. When you’ve explained everything. And made it certain you’re not planning to kill me because you’re scared of me sending you back.”

The reverb’s stopped now, which makes talking a lot more pleasant and less like he’s trying to intimidate me now, not that I blame him for it if I was about to condemn him back to that hellscape. I just, I really hope he isn’t trying to get out just to kill me, I don’t think I would ever be able to get over my childhood crush wanting to kill me even if he has every right to want that.

“What- No no I don’t - why - why would you think I would ever want to even hurt you let alone KILL. I - love I. I love you. That’s why I’m doing all of this - I - I.”

He’s crying. I should’ve known that he wouldn’t do anything like that - it’s within his right to - but he’s link, he’s the hero, the protagonist who was stuck to my side through it all. I know I shouldn’t have said that it wasn’t meant to be cruel but it was careless enough to hurt him. 

“I’m sorry, I came on to strong, you - you have every right to be scared of me. I promise though love I - I will never hurt you ever.”

“I know… I just panicked. You can explain now I won’t overreact again I swear. Or if you’d prefer -”

“If I would prefer..?”

“Why not get out first, then explain?”

Lighting up a firework in my face would have been less blinding than his smile in that moment, it’s such a sweet smile - a genuine one too. Meaning that I said the right thing, that I’m doing the right thing by giving him this chance. 

Hopefully, I won’t regret it.

“Really? You’ll let me do that?”

“I think it’s a good idea, it’ll be easier to talk to you as well. Just - how are you going to go this?”

“Um, oh, well uh, I think I could possibly make your switch into a mock version of a warp medallion? Then link my slate to it and just well”

“That makes sense, you can go ahead then, shouldn’t take long right?”

“No, no it won’t.”

A couple of seconds was all the wait it needed for him to stumble out of the blue lights and right onto me, clearly disorientated by the shift into reality. Probably not as bad as any of the 2d links would have struggled to be fair to him. It was an even shorter wait for him to jump onto me and cling even tighter than a koala could ever hope to, nuzzling up against my neck like it’s the only - because - it’s the only real touch he’s ever felt. 

“So you want to explain then?”

“Could we wait? That took much more effort than I thought. I just want to rest a bit if that’s alright.”

“As soon as you’re rested enough to. You going to sleep for a bit then?”

“No I still want to talk, just about something less taxing?”

Seems like he’s more dodging the topic than anything, which is fine I can get him to talk about it later, there really isn’t a rush for anything. It’s fine. Besides he’s like an excited kid that’s staying up way past his bedtime right now, where’s the harm in staying like this for a bit?

“Mind if I ask why you’re so determined to call me ‘love’ then?” 

“Because you’re everything to me, my light, my love, my life - you’ve been with me through everything. From when I woke to killing ganon and you didn’t abandon me there. You’ve shown me your favourite cities, stuck with me when you had the choice to choose others because you said I am you favourite, so really? How could I not love you?”

“You were aware even in Mariokart?” 

His giggle is sweet, he’s so charming right now, especially with how unaware of it he is. It’s so earnest and unfiltered, just so raw, I could go the rest of my life with that being the only thing I ever hear again. Compared to how he acted in cutscenes as well? He’s happy. Tired but happy.

“Oh before I forget, You should be expecting a delivery actually!”

“What.”

“I’ve been wanting to get out of the game for a while so I ordered some things to try make myself more appealing to you.”

“Like what? Link you didn't need to do anything like that.”

He just shrugged, seems like I won’t be getting an answer to that till whatever arrives whenever it does. Seems he really wasn’t lying about being tired though, he’s already starting to fall asleep laying against me like this. Thankfully he’s light enough to move to a more comfortable position, although theres nothing I can do about how tightly he’s holding me and truthfully? There’s nothing I want to do about it.

“Y’know I think I could get used to this.”

“Yo’ will I pr’mise, I’ll make you addicted to m’.”

“Well that isn’t ominous at all… and you’re already asleep.” 

[half-bakedboy]

one hell of a story

For @bucktommyweek prompt: alternate first meeting | 1.4k | Teen

Tommy's not usually one to fly for anyone but LAFD and himself, but the Skywitness News Eight helicopter desperately needed a pilot. He owed his old army buddy, Trent, a favor, which is how he finds himself trying to land a failing helicopter in the middle of a baseball field. Unfortunately, he fails. But he meets Evan in the process, so it's worth it.

read on ao3 or under the cut

“This is Taylor Kelly with your morning traffic update… and we are going down!”

----

Tommy isn’t even supposed to be here. He’s not usually one to fly for anyone but LAFD and himself, but the Skywitness News Eight helicopter desperately needed a pilot and he owed his old army buddy, Trent, a favor. Tommy was too kind to tell him to fuck off, though, he’s pretty sure those two words will leave his mouth the next time he sees Trent’s face. 

“Tommy, what’s going on?” Taylor shouts. She’s holding onto the seat belt around her like her life depends on it—and it does, but Tommy isn’t about to tell her that. 

“Some kind of engine malfunction. Does Trent keep this thing in good condition?” Tommy asks. 

“How am I supposed to know?!” He really hoped for a more confidence-inducing answer. “I’m pretty sure he likes this thing more than me if that says anything!” 

“It does,” Tommy mutters, though he knows Taylor can hear him through the radio. Trent always talked about his crush on the redhead and how he would drop everything if she agreed to date him. Unfortunately, Tommy now knows he’s not exactly her type—no man is—so he thinks he’ll have to break the news sooner rather than later. 

“Are we falling?! Why does it feel like we’re falling?!” Taylor screams, panicked gasps following in quick succession. 

“I’m going to do my best to land, okay? There’s a baseball field below us, and if all goes to plan, we’ll land safely and you’ll have one hell of a story,” Tommy relays. 

Taylor laughs humorlessly into the radio. “And if it doesn’t?” 

“It’ll still be one hell of a story,” he declares. 

Then he focuses on saving their lives. 

The baseball field is immense and empty enough that he doesn’t have to worry about collateral damage from the landing, but he realizes quickly it won’t be that easy. Every single control he usually manipulates with ease shakes under his grip, and no matter how much pressure he puts on the cyclic, there’s no tilting his way in the right direction. 

He gets the machine as close to the ground as possible and prays that’s enough. 

All he remembers is the blades getting louder, a metallic screeching, and a terror-filled shriek, then everything goes dark. 

“Tommy? Can you hear me?” 

“I think he’s coming to!” 

“Kinard, open those baby blues for us!” 

When Tommy blinks to consciousness, he feels like he’s been hit by a truck. 

“Nope, just crashed a helicopter,” an unfamiliar voice says. He sees the blur of a few hands reaching out to slap the man, and when he follows the arms, he thinks he must be dreaming. 

“Wilson? Han?” Tommy’s voice is almost hoarse and he wonders how terrified Taylor was of his warning screams—

Taylor. 

He jolts up as best as he can but Hen and Chimney hold him down before he can go too far. The pain that radiates through his chest knocks the breath out of him and he falls horizontal once more, clutching his stomach in pain. He breathes quickly and shallowly, as any attempts to fill his lungs result in sharp twinges of pain. Someone he doesn’t recognize—the voice from before—places an oxygen mask over his face. 

“She’s fine. Not a scratch on her,” the man soothes. Tommy likes the sound of his voice. He stops trying to escape his old teammates’ grasp and instead, angles his head back to connect eyes with the unknown man. 

He’s a boy, really. Looks at least a decade younger than Tommy, but that doesn’t stop the rush of attraction that seeps through him. The man’s hair is mussed up like someone has run their hands through it—Tommy wants to run his hands through it—and he’s wearing his turnout coat unbuttoned like the picture of casuality. Tommy’s not sure he’s ever seen someone wear the uniform with such confidence and such… sweetness. He’s squinting his eyes from the sun though Tommy still notices a few small pink patches surrounding his eyebrow that match the color of his unfairly kissable lips. 

“Yeah, he’s fine,” Hen decides. Tommy knows he’s been caught when he recognizes the sarcasm in her voice. Hen’s always been an observant one. He can practically hear her eyes roll as she makes quick introductions. “Tommy, this is Evan Buckley. Buck, Tommy Kinard.”

“From Air Ops,” Evan says eagerly. Tommy’s stomach flips at the acknowledgment. How has he never heard of Evan before? “What are you doing flying with Taylor Kelly?”

“Slumming it with Skywitness Traffic, Tommy? I can’t believe I saved your life for this,” Chimney teases. Tommy smacks him on his nearest body part and takes the oxygen mask off of his face. 

As if on instinct, Evan reaches to put it back, and their hands brush and linger. 

Tommy hates to be cliche, but they’re lucky the ambulance doesn’t blow up when the sparks fly through the flowing oxygen. Actually, being touched by Evan Buckley seems like a hell of a way to go…

“Was helping out an old army friend,” Tommy explains. “Can’t let L.A. fall subject to bad traffic patterns, can I?” 

Evan laughs, and Tommy’s stomach does a weird fluttering he hasn’t felt in ages. 

“Guess you regret that favor, huh?” Chimney jokes. 

“Not anymore,” Tommy mutters just loud enough for Evan to hear. 

Tommy makes sure to maintain eye contact and only barely stops himself from winking at the poor kid. He’s blushing like crazy, redness spreading up from underneath his high neckline and overtaking his adorable cheeks. From the stillness around them, Tommy doesn’t think this is usual behavior, and he can’t help but feel a little satisfied about that. He chances a glance at Hen and Chimney who are both staring at Evan like he’s lost his damn mind. It takes everything in Tommy not to giggle—both because of embarrassment and the fact he might actually pass out from pain if he does.

“So, what’s the verdict, Evan?” Tommy asks.

The adorable man blinks a few times before glancing up at Hen and Chimney, who Tommy is very aware are the ones with the answer to his question. Out of the corner of his eye, Tommy sees Hen gesturing for Evan to answer himself. 

“U-Um, I’m sure you feel ten-tenderness in your ribs so that’s… gotta be looked at.” Evan shakes his head like he’s all too aware of his stammering, but Tommy couldn’t be more smitten. “You lost consciousness so H-Hen—she checked for any issues with your eyes but nothing abnormal. How’s your head?” 

Without thinking, Tommy replies, “Would you like to find out?” 

There’s a chorus of: “Tommy!” “Get a room!” “Jesus Christ!” “Oh my god!” 

All of which are ignored by both of them. 

Instead, Evan tilts his head and smiles—it would’ve knocked Tommy off his feet if he were standing. 

“I think I just might,” Evan agrees. 

“Oh, you two are made for each other,” Hen turns toward Chimney, “how did we not see that?”

“Buck likes guys?!” Chimney says instead. Evan blushes even deeper and Tommy’s glad that he’s not on a heart monitor for all to see it skip a beat. “No, I’m done with this. To answer your question, Tommy, you may have an acute head injury and you definitely have some broken ribs. We’ve gotta get you to the hospital so if you’re done flirting…” 

“What if I’m not?” Tommy argues, just to rile Chimney up a little more. Tommy always enjoyed that—misses it, really. “What if I want to see Evan blush a little more?” 

“Oh my god,” Buck mumbles. He hides his face in his hands, but Tommy can still see the smile lines between the cracks in his fingers. “Hen, get him out of here.” 

“Got it, Buckaroo,” she agrees, shrugging at Tommy playfully. 

“I didn’t get your number!” Tommy shouts as best as he can with presumably broken ribs. He knows they’ll hurt a lot more the second he focuses on them, but how can he focus on anything but Evan? 

“118.” 

With that, Hen shuts the doors and Tommy sighs the happiest sigh he can muster. 

“Oh, he’s—” Tommy doesn’t even have the words, but Hen seems to understand.

“You’re in trou-ble, Kinard.” She clicks her tongue. 

And Tommy’s never been so excited by the prospect. 

(Chimney derails any further conversation with a line of consciousness that starts with, “Okay, since when do both Tommy and Buck like men?! How did I miss this?!”) 

[quinnyundertow]

Picking up the Pieces

Chapter 2

What we Lost

Choso x Reader

Chapter 1

THERE WILL BE MANGA SPOILERS BELOW

Summary: The fight with Sukuna has finally ended. Before he’s wisked off the battlefield the boy named Yuji begs you to try and save what’s left of his older brother.

TW Extreme disabilities, hospital setting, amputation.

AN: Writing this fic so far has been incredibly cathartic. I’ve found writing to be incredibly difficult since my back surgery. At first I thought it was the heavy duty pain killers and meds fogging my mind. Maybe it was. Now I’m just depressed. In the blink of an eye I went from no disability to unable to drive and using a walker to get around. Even then the pain is extreme. Thankfully my body is not as wounded as Choso’s is in this. Choso will not regain his limbs or full function in this story. But that doesn’t mean he can’t have a happy ending. Choso will have disabilities moving forward but that doesn’t mean he’s something broken that needs to be fixed. He still has value despite his physical limitations. I’m trying to convince myself that I do too.

Chapter 2

What we lost

All he could feel was pain. He had never experienced a sensation like this before. Wave upon wave of raw agony rolled over him. There’s this screeching mechanical noise blaring near him. Muffled voices are discussing something but it’s like all the sounds are under water. He’s trying to focus his blood manipulation ability to assess the damage to himself but something is terribly wrong. It’s like trying to grasp threads of information in a typhoon. The capabilities he used to summon with barely a thought before are slipping through his fingers. He can’t tell the extent of the damage Sukuna left but he knows this is a very bad sign. The pain has him gritting his teeth and straining his exhausted muscles.

Is this how his brothers felt before they died? Kechizu and Eso? Hell, even Yuji when he had practically killed him in that bathroom in Shibuya. Yuji. Had he been able to save Yuji? He thinks he did, hopes with every fiber of his being he did. If he failed, he hopes to die sooner rather than later. He tries to open his eyes but they’re too heavy. A racking wet cough bubbles out of his mouth to form the words to ask the only thing that matters, “Yuji?”

Someone is responding but he can’t make out the words. A small soft hand takes his own. It’s not Yuji. It reassures some part of him all the same. It feels like a life preserver has been thrown into the roiling ocean around him. Sudden relief from pain.

Time passes in a state between waking and dreams. He can tell when Yuji visits. His hand is large and calloused on his own. Yuji’s distressed. He knows he’s the reason and he hates it. Blood pressure rising as he’s struggling to open his eyes. Hands are on his shoulders as he seizes violently. Those small delicate hands are on one side and Yuji’s on the other. That familiar flow of pain relief pulls him under.

~~

Yuji Itadori has been through so much at this point yet he’s still smiling. It’s an exhausted, stressed out smile but a smile all the same. You feel cripplingly guilty. You may have kept Choso alive but the state he’s in is barely human. Er, curse. An existence at all.

“I can’t thank you enough for watching over him.” Yuji’s voice is sincere as he bows his head. You hate that he’s thanking you. Yuji has been at the hospital on campus more than he’s been home. Everyone he loves, still alive, is here in some capacity after all. Megumi Fushiguro and Nobara Kugisaki have their own rooms but they tend to gravitate towards one another and stay in Megumi’s room. Much to Megumi’s pretend chagrin.

Your voice is heavy with exhaustion, “It’s the least I can do.” You haven’t left the hospital in the week since Sukuna was destroyed. Neither has Shoko nor Nitta. There are so many injured people. Every few hours someone codes. Heart stopping, lungs failing. You three manage to bring them back but it’s taking everything you have. You’ve never felt so helpless. You know Shoko and Nitta feel it too. When your eyes meet each other in the hall as you pass. Grim expressions rather than greetings.

Yuji scratches the back of his neck; a gesture you’ve come to learn means he’s not sure what else to do with them. “Please don’t diminish what you’re doing.” He pauses to look back in the room where Choso is sleeping fitfully. “He’s calmer when you're close.”

You give a tired chuckle, “I’m a walking painkiller. Can you blame him?”

Yuji tilts his head as if considering your words. He looks like he wants to say more but words fail him. “If it’s okay with you, I’m going to go check on Fushiguro.”

You nod, “Of course.” Yuji’s low bow before he leaves seems excessive. This is the boy who saved all of Japan after all. You sigh. Yuji doesn’t see the situation the same way. He sees it as him failing to protect all of Japan. You duck behind the curtain pulled around Choso’s bedside and sink into the chair beside him.

Choso looks like he was chewed up and spit out again by a meat grinder. Maybe that’s a bit of an exaggeration; but not by much.

You had managed to nap for about an hour the ate some food Yuji had brought up alongside fresh flowers for the room. That was enough to give yourself a little more cursed energy to expend. You are trying to improve his quality of life while keeping him drugged up so he’s not in excruciating pain. Even with all your advanced pain relieving jutsus he moans for hours on end. Throat so raw he coughs up blood.

You place your fingers right behind his ears near his jaw. His right eardrum is just about healed. He should be able to hear something at least. The left ear is irreparable. Well technically it’s not the ear. Shoko said it’s the nerves from the brain to his ear that were destroyed. He has a gnarly scar on the back of his head. His dark locks will hide it in time. That’s probably the least of his worries.

You pick up his medical chart and jot down some notes. There’s a human figure at the bottom of the page. The figure shows front and back with notes on all injuries. You had to start numbering the locations because it was too much to write in the area provided.

“Left cranium injury, loss of hearing and sight to left eye. Severe burns to the inside of the throat and lungs from breathing in super heated air. Six broken ribs, right lung punctured, arms with severe burns from the elbow down. Right hand missing pinky and index finger. Left hand and forearm required amputation.” You can’t read anymore. Needless to say nothing survived below the knees.

When he’s up moaning in pain all night you wish you never would have tried to help him. He probably would beg you to let him die if he could manage it.

You stroke the right side of his forehead gently. He remarkably hasn’t had a fever today. He’s gradually improving. Shoko says he’s out of the woods now. He won’t die but he can’t regrow any of the pieces missing either.

Tracing his brow you hope the light sensation brings the tiniest bit of comfort. You’re terrified he’ll hate you when he wakes up and registers his condition. The only thing proving he’s aware of anything is he cries out for Yuji intermittently only to stop when Yuji or you hold his hand. What’s left of it. You hesitated at first to put any pressure on his hand but when you finally did his three undamaged fingers wrapped around your own. He didn’t let go until Yuji took your place.

His fingers curl comfortably around yours now. The sharing of warmth between you both seems to help you both relax. His blood pressure goes down to a healthier level and you can finally manage to get some much needed sleep. You don’t even realize when you doze off. Something feels wrong when you wake up. The hospital room is dark except for the green glow of the machine running his intravenous and keeping his pulse and oxygen rates tracked. Disentangling his finger from yours, you stand, examining the numbers on it to be sure there isn’t anything wildly out of the ranges he’s been in. “It doesn’t look bad. All things considered.” You’ve been talking to him since the moment you found him in the rubble. It comes naturally now. You don’t expect a response.

The relationship you have is one sided. You and Choso had never officially met before the fight against Sukuna. You had seen him in passing. Especially in the months leading up to the climactic battle of good vs evil. He was referred to as the curse protecting Sukuna’s former vessel by those who didn’t care for him and Itadori’s older brother by those who did. You hadn’t formed an opinion either way at the time.

You change the bag of urine collected and make sure his catheter doesn’t have any kinks in the line. Finding nothing else to occupy yourself with you slide back into the chair you had been seated in. “I think I’m starting to lose it.” You’re not sure what woke you up but you doubt you could fall back asleep anytime soon. You place your hand under his again and his fingers wrap back around your own.

You adjust pulling your legs up onto your chair, your thumb lightly rubbing the back of his hand in what you hope is comforting circles. That uncomfortable feeling falls over you again. It’s like you're being watched. You jerk awake, your eyes quickly scan up his face only to lock on the dark brown eye watching you. You gasp in surprise and shock. He looks cognizant, his pupils are almost back to normal size. Your mouth opens and shuts a few times in shock, “I-I gotta tell Yuji.”

You go to reach for your phone but your attention goes back to him when he tries to sit up and speak. Eyes widening, you're shaking your head. You let go of the hand that is holding his to urge him to not move; but his grasp on you is surprisingly strong. It doesn’t hurt at all but it’s definitely firm. “Choso, please don’t try to get up yet. You’ll tear your stitches open.”

He must be able to hear your plea because he pauses and rests back into the pillows laying about him. His eyes are scanning his surroundings briefly. They pause on the wall clock only to wander until they rest on your face. “It’s 3:20 AM.” You hear yourself stupidly explain what he clearly just saw. “..but you know that because you read the clock. Sorry.”

He looks confused as to why you're apologizing. You flush in embarrassment before picking up your phone again. “Yuji is going to be so happy you're aware now.”

His fingers squeeze your own briefly to get your attention. You pause to glance up at him in surprise. His voice is deep and scratchy sounding but it’s there. “Don’t.”

You blink in confusion several times. All Choso has done is ask for Yuji the whole time he’s sick and now he doesn’t want to see him? Clarity hits you a moment later, “You don’t want to wake him up?”

The corner of his lip curls slightly in the smallest smile. His fingers flexing once around yours in what your guessing is approval. You can’t help but smile back, your eyes burning with relief that his mind seems intact. “How about I text him as a compromise?”

His response is so light it’s barely a flutter of his fingers. His head is leaning back into his pillow. The eye he doesn’t have covered with bandages sleepily blinks at you. His eye is starting to look unfocused as it drifts shut. Each time it closes it’s a little longer than the last. He’s still holding your hand. You text with one hand to Yuji telling him the good news but not to rush over that Choso is going back to sleep. When you finish the message you tuck the phone into your pants pocket. Now free your spare hand wanders to his brow again. Still cool to the touch. You caress his forehead lightly stroking his hair back. You hope you aren’t overstepping your boundaries by doing so. Thankfully, you're reassured when he gives a long breath out and his brow relaxes as he fully falls asleep.

Chapter 3

AN

I really enjoyed these fics with themes of loss and surviving with a caregiver reader. Please consider checking them out.

@umemiyan Postmortem/Postpartum

Buttholesupreme “I’ll be seeing you”

[websterss]

THOSE EYES  — LUKE PATTERSON

REQUEST: Hi!! So I've seen your account recently and I really would like you to write jatp luke Patterson x reader, when the Reader is always so goofy and childish. So they are sick like they have a very bad fever, and they are very weak and Luke takes care of them, and maybe sings a lullaby to help them sleep by singing to them and rocking them please. 

WARNING(S): um cussing mostly, and fluff

WORD COUNT: 985

PAIRING: Luke Patterson x fem!Reader    

A/N: Hope you enjoy it! ♡ Feedback is always welcomed!

MASTERLIST

“Y/n, I know you’re in there!” Rapid thuds against your window can be heard. The loudness that vibrates through the window shook through your body. You pull the duvet over your head to hopefully muffle the sounds of your annoying friend.

“Come on, let me in!”

“Goaway.” You muffle yelled. Though to your annoyance, it simply slipped your mind that Luke has the ability to poof in and out of places. Perks of being a ghost. “No. I wanna be at peace!” You whine as you sense his presence before you.

“Hello to you too, sunshine.”

“Goaway.” Your voice muffled under your blanket.

“Can’t do that. Julie specifically told me to come and help you around the house since she’s at school.”

“Why!” You kick out the duvet off you. Moving around frantically, part tantrum. “I don’t need a ghost. I need a goddamn miracle-“ You stop feeling clogged up air in your chest causing you to cough. “God I hate being sick.”

“Do you need anything?” Luke walked over, pressing the back of his hand against your warm tempered forehead. “No fever.”

“I just wanna sleep honestly.” You sigh heavily. Turning your head to meet his eyes. “I have this massive migraine that I’ve been trying to cure with ibuprofen for the last couple days, but I stopped because I’m scared of growing an addiction.” You muster a grin, finding the bit hilarious. “Then there’s my congested nose, trying to breathe has been a bitch. I keep waking up in the middle of the night in coughing fits because my lungs can’t get any air.”

“You gotta tell your lungs to work man!”

“I’m trying!” You laugh, heaving a slight bit then feeling the urge to cough again. “This sucks. I don’t even know how I got sick. It’s like all my energy just got drained right out of me. It’s ruined my whole week.” You let your arms fall in defeat by your sides. “I’m sorry, Luke. I know I said I’d be there for the band’s rehearsals but— I barely have the energy to get out of bed these days.” A faint smile paints your face.

“Hey, don’t sweat it okay. Rehearsals will still be there for you to watch after you get better alright? Besides, we can always record what you’ve missed.” Luke sat on the edge next to you. His comfort dissolves the aches and pain that run through your entire system. The mere thought of knowing someone wanting to look after you, gave you hope for a full recovery sooner rather than later. “Though you’re not missing much honestly.”

“Only my social life.” You dismissed passively. “Can’t believe I’m stuck here and you guys are making music. Unfair.”

“Well, if it makes you feel better-” He pointed at your side, activating your flight or fight response. You laughed moving away from his hands, never one to enjoy being tickled. “We’re not really having much luck with coming up with new songs.”

“Now that I found it hard to believe.”

“No seriously, it’s like we ran out of inspiration.”

“Oh come on! You guys seriously haven’t written anything while I’ve been at home sick?”

Luke shrugged. “We’re all missing our muse…” He reached forward to boop you on the nose.

“Please, I’m no muse.” You half heartedly laugh.

“Maybe not the guys, but definitely mine.” He nodded surely.

“Well then, I’m honored.” You reach forward and take a hold of his hand. Twiddling with his fingers. Intertwining and untwining your hand with his. “Any chance I can hear something?” You batted your eyes playfully. A pout full on display. “Would you sing for a poor sick girl?” You force a cough out of your mouth. “A sneak peek of what’s to come?”

“You sure know how to persuade a guy.” Luke smirked.

“What can I say–“ You cough again. “I’m pretty convincing.” Your eyes crinkle, a sleepy haze falls over your tired form.

“Alright sleepy head, I’ll give you something.” He brought his hand up to lightly brush away some flyaway hairs from your eyes. His touch softly lingering. Soothing the slight ache that didn’t want to go away.

“What’s it–“ You yawn big. “called?”

“Well, Julie, the guys, and I haven’t really settled on a name yet, but I think we’re inching closer with Those Eyes.”

“It sounds nice…” You adjust yourself into the bed. Bring the covers up to your chest. The thing about having the flu was that you had the tendency to get shivers here and there, other times hot spells causing you to kick off the covers. A continuous back and forth situation. Right now you were just simply feeling cold. 

“It does. It’s a little slower than any of our other songs, but I think it’ll be a nice touch to the album.”

“Let’s hear it, rockstar.” You hummed. Placing your hands flat over your covered stomach.

“Give me a second.” Luke scoffed humorously. He began making a rhythmic beat on his jean clad thigh, head slowly bobbing as he tried to find his pitch. He took a deep breath and began singing.

“Cause all of the small…things that you do…are what remind me why I fell for you...” His smile grew seeing you start to slip into a deep slumber. Your breathing evening out and becoming slower. He leaned forward, letting his hands caress the side of your cheek gently. His heart fluttering as you subconsciously leaned into his touch. “and when we're apart, and I'm missing you. I close my eyes and all I see is you...and the small things you do.” He leaned back and watched you sleep. His favorite pastime, knowing you were getting rest, and at peace in the comfort of your bedroom. “Sweet dreams, peaches.” Then he was gone in a poof. Silence filling the space, and your sleep unbothered.

[pinkdaisies9285]

Flyboy and the Florist-7

Bob Floyd x F!Reader

Warnings: Fluff, lil bit of Angst, minor cursing

Word Count: 757

Author's Note: Here's our first bit of angst for Bob and Flora! I hope you guys are ready for it!

It had been a week since your wonderful date with Bob and it feels like you’ve been floating since. Everything seemed perfect and nothing could bring you down, except one thing. Prom, it was right around the corner so you haven’t had time to talk to your lovely WSO. The number of corsages and boutonnieres you’ve had to make was endless. Your fingers have been throbbing from the number of times you’ve accidentally poked them with pins.

What was worse was the mothers. If you got a dollar every time a mother yelled at you for picking the “wrong” shade of pink or purple, you would be rich by now. They were ruthless and didn’t care that you were only human. Your assistant, Quinn, was at the same level of tiredness as you. They would come in daily with your regular order from the cafe down the street to ensure you were alive. You looked like a zombie on the outside but on the inside, you were still on that high from the date.

Bob hasn’t texted since but you weren’t worried. During the date, he talked about having to do a small deployment for three weeks so that contact would be low. While you weren’t used to this, you knew that if you wanted to continue this blooming relationship you had to understand what comes with dating a man from the Navy. Yet, that didn’t mean you didn’t miss your conversations with him. He always had such a way with words that it made you feel like a schoolgirl in love, which hadn’t happened in a long time. Quinn would joke that you always had “heart eyes” when discussing or thinking about him.

They said it was obvious that this man from the Navy differed from your previous relationships. This was true, no one had treated you like Bob did. He seemed to worship the ground you walked. He cared about your comfort zones and if you were enjoying yourself. It made your heart flutter when thinking about it.

While attempting not to prick your finger the thousandth time, a jingle of the door was heard. Quinn greeted the customer and asked what they were looking for.

“Actually, I’m here to talk to her,” a deep gravelly voice said.

Recognizing this voice, you froze. It was your ex, James. One of the few men who thought that he could use you as an experiment girlfriend based on your looks. People sometimes tell you that you dress differently. Even though Quinn had simply explained your style was more on the whismigoth style. James was part of the group that deemed it weird and childish.

When you were dating, he kept trying to change how you acted, dressed, talked, etc. He thought he was doing you a service, but in reality, it just tore down your self-esteem.

Turning around, you put on your best customer service smile and walked over.

“Hi, James. What can I do for you?”

You wanted to keep this interaction short.

“Oh, nothing much. I was just seeing if you still were attempting to have an “actual” business,” he replied unbothered with his hands in his pants pockets.

This comment made you pissed. How could he judge your life when he wasn’t even in it anymore? Either way, he had to leave sooner rather than later so you had to cut this interaction short.

“Well as I appreciate the concern, I do have a lot on my plate. So, it was nice to see you again, James, but I must say goodbye,” you said with a tight smile on your face. The man had only been here for five minutes and you wanted to beat him with a bucket.

“Of course, wouldn’t want to take up too much of your precious time,” he said sarcastically. “I hope you enjoy making useless shit.”

“What did you just say motherfu—” Quinn began to say until you put a hand on their shoulder to stop them from picking a fight. They looked back and saw you shaking your head.

James simply smirked and walked out of the store with zero care. He knew had won this battle, but that wasn’t what you were worried about. Why did he show up out of the blue? Why did he “check-up” on you? What was his intentions?

While you didn’t have all the answers, you knew one thing. This probably wasn’t the last time you were going to see him. Now you had two things that were bringing you down.

Tag List: @tgmavericklover @jessicab1991 @havlindzk @tgmreader @charactersimp08 @just-in-case-iloveyou @theamuz @attapullman @seresinhangmanjake @nerdgirljen @bobgasm @muddwheelz123 @3tabbiesandalab @mckenziewhite2005 @djs8891 @seitmai @kmc1989 @nervousnerdwitch @sweetwhispersofchaos

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Series Masterlist

Main Masterlist

Divider Credit: @cafekitsune

[preservationofnormalcy]

OOC: hey folks! Just wanted to give an ooc message. It’s a little late for new year’s, but still.

Thank you for following this little project. I’ve been consistently blown away by the following I have here. Thank you for supporting me both with likes, reblogs, and fun tags, but with merch as well. It means so much to me. I have like 300 asks in my inbox and so many of them made me laugh when I got them, or made my mind go crazy with ideas. I’ve developed a lot of this setting in large part due to submissions making me think about it.

I’m on the last day of a week long PTO I booked. I got a lot of stuff done behind the scenes, a couple projects I’m keeping secret for now but I hope you’ll see before too long. I also adjusted (hopefully for the final time) the button designs (including all the poster styles that weren’t available before), and did some writing. I wish I’d been able to sit down and just queue dozens of asks but alas - life and time don’t stop when you’re on vacation. Thank you all for your patience, and I hope someday I can do this full time (along with some other OPN-related things) so I can have a faster turnaround on that stuff. Going forward I might be a bit more choosy simply due to the amount.

I have a lot of ideas for things I want to do with this project and I hope I get to do even half of them. We’ve hinted at one of them already. I’m really excited for the future of this, and I hope you will be too.

As a final note, soon I’ll be adjusting the prices of the stuff in the shop. The stickers and buttons may increase in price by about 50 cents a piece, but sticker shipping cost will decrease. That may be in the next few days. Check out the ko-fi for prints of my posters, stickers, or buttons, or to just send good vibes.

Thank you all for your support and love. Reading tags is my favorite thing in the world currently. Over the rest of today, please feel free to send me any ooc asks you like (or reply to this post) about the setting or requesting something you’d like to see - more about a certain topic, or the interview for a certain poster, whatever. I’ll try and get to them sooner rather than later.

Finally - thank you so much to my co-writer for helping and being a sounding board. I appreciate you.

[oswaldepic]

Getaway // The Magnus Archives Fic

howdy fellas! been a long while since I've spoken about any of my fic here. I know I don't really have any TMA mutuals but I figured I'd post this anyway, because I think I did a pretty good job!

the ao3 version of this can be found here, or you could just read below if you would like :) I wanna experiment with posting actual chapters on here instead of just linking to ao3, feel like it's more convenient for folks. I hope you enjoy !!

---

Jon is growing rather used to the full force of someone’s anger being directed at him. 

“I’m tired of hearing your excuses, ” Melanie says, spitting out the last word like it was venom. “I told you to stay out of my head. ”

“I know,” he mutters. “I… I’m sorry.” 

“If you were really sorry, you would actually do it.”

He feels a twinge of indignation. Can’t she tell that he’s been trying? “It’s not exactly easy, especially not when I’m-”

“Yes, yes, you’re starving. Do you expect me to feel sympathy after what you did?”

“No! I didn’t say anything about sympathy! I’m just-”

“ Save it. ” She storms off, probably to go complain to Basira. He makes a mental note to expect a tense discussion with her later. 

But then, is there even any point in preparing? Any move that he makes is viewed with hostility. He can’t even leave his office without being eyed suspiciously. And he gets it, he really does- he’d hurt people, and that needed to be stopped. But would it kill them to be a little more understanding? 

You don’t deserve understanding, the voice in his head whispers. You’re a monster. 

“Shove it,” he growls under his breath. He’s already heard enough from Melanie, he doesn’t need himself to chime in as well.

Might as well read a statement. It’s not like he’s got anything better to do with his life anymore. 

It’s a few hours later when he gathers the courage to leave his office. His plan is to make a quick trip to the breakroom, grab some water, and then head straight back. Even if he technically doesn’t need it anymore, he likes to at least pretend that he has some semblance of humanity left in him.

On the way, though, he hears voices. Without thinking, he stops, tilting his head to listen in. 

They’re in one of the office rooms. The door is closed, but he can still make it out well enough… or maybe the Eye is helping with that. For once, he isn’t going to complain about his patron’s assistance. 

“It can’t keep going like this.” That’s Basira, loud and clear. “Sooner or later, he’s going to hurt someone again.” 

“I know,” Melanie replies. “And you know what I think we should do.”

She wants to kill you, the Eye helpfully chimes in. Jon tenses.

“It’s too early for that,” Basira says, and he relaxes a bit. “I don’t want to put him down unless we absolutely have to.” 

“So we’re going to wait until he traumatizes another stranger?”

“I know, it’s not ideal. But he’s too useful to just get rid of because he might do something.” 

“You’re just saying that because Daisy likes him.” 

Basira’s voice immediately hardens. “This has nothing to do with Daisy. Though, yes, her reaction is another reason we shouldn’t do it unless necessary. She can get… protective.” 

Protective? Over him? Jon feels his heart lift, just a little. He knows that Daisy is grateful to him, for getting her out of the Buried, but he hadn’t thought that maybe she’d actually grown fond of him. 

….god, he’s that excited over someone maybe liking him. This is getting pathetic. 

“Fine.” Melanie huffs. “But if something happens, then I told you so. ” 

He can hear her voice getting closer, and he hurries away. It’s not hard to guess that they’ll be angry at him for overhearing the conversation, and he’s more than a little sick of getting snapped at right now. 

He means to head for his office- at least, he thinks that he does. But his feet lead him in a completely different direction, and before he knows it, he’s walking through the trapdoor and heading down into the depths of the tunnels.

They’ll be mad, he thinks. They’ll assume I’m trying to sneak off. And then, angrily, why should I care? I can go where I please. And I’m not hurting anyone.

He wanders for what may be minutes or hours. This place makes him feel… strange. Lost. He doesn’t entirely like it, but it beats being up there, surrounded by reminders that everyone has turned their back on him.

Even Martin. He feels a fresh stab of sorrow at that thought. Jon had managed to lose the loyalty of the most kind and caring man he had ever met. He had lost Martin, who had always stood by his side throughout everything. Sweet, loveable, gentle Martin, who he-

That thought is abruptly interrupted by the sound of a door creaking open. He whirls around, poised to run. He’s not sure he can easily get back to the Institute from wherever he is, but at the very least he can find a way out. 

Standing in the doorway is a familiar figure. Humanoid, but only if he squints. Otherwise, he can see the strange features all too clearly.

“Ah.” He doesn’t even try to hide the disdain in his voice. “Hello, Helen.” 

“Hello, Archivist.” Her voice echoes strangely, in a way that has nothing to do with the vast, open tunnels.

“What do you want?” he snaps.

“Why do you assume I want something from you? Maybe I just want to talk.” 

“Sorry, but I’m not buying it. Now, what do you want? ”

“...I have a proposal for you, Archivist.” When he doesn’t respond, she carries on. “...you’re tired of being here?”

“Here? Like, in general, or…?”

“In the Institute. With people that hate you… or ignore you.” 

“Well, it’s not like there’s anything I can do about that. If I leave, they’ll assume I’m up to no good.”

“And you think they might kill you.” 

He shifts on his feet. “Well, considering the conversation I just overheard, yes. I do think they might decide to try.”

“...how about I take you away from here?”

“To your hallways? I’ll pass. They aren’t exactly a getaway.” 

“No. Somewhere else… somewhere they won’t think to look for you. Where you can just be, for a while.”

Jon eyes her distrustfully. “... why? ”

She laughs, that weird distorted laugh. “I like you, Archivist. And I don’t like to see you starving. And alone.” 

…he doesn’t want to admit it, but that immediately warms him up to the idea. At least somebody likes him. “But I will be alone, won’t I?” 

“I’ll stay with you. It can just be you and I. We can talk! Bond, maybe.” 

Jon resists the urge to snort at that. “And you’re certain they won’t come looking for us?”

“They won’t find us. You can stay there for as long as you like.” 

“....you’re sure you aren’t proposing the corridors.” 

“ Quite. ”

Well… he doesn’t exactly have anything to lose. He heaves a sigh. “...alright. Take me.” 

Helen’s grin impossibly widens, and the door behind her opens. “Let’s be on our way, then.” She steps aside and gestures for him to enter.

Jon takes a deep breath, steels himself, and then steps through. 

“Have you seen Jon?”

Daisy looks up, giving Basira a curious look. “...not since this morning. Why?”

“He’s been in his office an awful long time.” 

She shrugs. “He’s probably just tired. I heard Melanie laying into him earlier.”

“He’s been in there for hours. I don’t like it.”

“Then go talk to him instead of bothering me.” Daisy turns away. 

Right. Basira isn’t sure why she hadn’t done that in the first place. Maybe she didn’t want to just barge in there without good reason. Perhaps some part of her is growing a bit soft of him, after he risked himself to save Daisy.

She shakes her head. Whatever he’s done in the past, she needs to remember that he’s no longer human. Keeping other people safe from him is of utmost importance. 

When she reaches the Archivist’s door, she gives it a couple of brisk knocks. “Jon.” 

…there is no response from inside. She knocks again. “Jon, I know that you’re in there.” 

When there’s nothing further, she decides, fuck it, and just barges in.

The room in front of her is completely empty. A quick scan confirms that Jon is nowhere in it. 

Immediately, she gets a bad feeling. She conducts a search of the Archives, looking in every nook and cranny there is. Any small spot that he could possibly have shoved himself in, she looks. And he’s absolutely nowhere to be found.

By the time Melanie runs into her, she’s reached her conclusion. “He’s gone,” she growls.

“I told- ”

“You can brag about it after we find him,” she interjects. “Before he can hurt anyone.”

“And if we can’t?” 

“He’ll come back eventually. He’s got nowhere else to go.” 

Jon did not, in fact, come back eventually. There was no luck with finding him, either, and with each passing moment, Basira’s suspicions grew even further.

So did Melanie’s, evidently. “He’s probably too scared to come back here. He must have Known that we’d kill him for it.”

“We don’t know for certain that he did anything. He’s a magnet for kidnappings, remember? Someone could have taken him.” 

“At least that would solve our problem.”

“Unless they want to use him for something.” Basira sighs. “I’m going to have to ask Elias.” 

Melanie scowls. “You think he’ll help?”

“If he doesn’t, then I’m all out of ideas.” 

“Ah, detective.” Elias has a pleased grin on his face that Basira immediately wants to rip off. “Here to interrogate me once more?”

“Cut the bullshit, Elias. You know why I’m here.”

“Do I?” Elias tilts his head. “That’s a rather big assumption.”

“Just tell me where Jon is.” 

“I see.” Elias leans back. “You think he’s been taken, perhaps?”

“I don’t care what’s happened to him. I’m taking him back to the Institute.” 

“Well. That shall be a rather daunting task, because he doesn’t want to go back.”

“...so he left of his own accord?”

“Indeed he did.” 

“Did he feed off someone?”

Elias shook his head. “The Distortion offered him some peace and quiet. And he agreed.” 

“What, so he’s on holiday ?” She scoffs.

“In a way, yes. Can’t say I blame him, really. You all haven’t exactly made him feel welcome.” 

“He doesn’t deserve to feel welcome right now. He has to earn that from us.” 

Elias lifts his hands in a gesture of surrender. “I’m not saying I disagree. But are you really that surprised that he decided to leave with someone who actually likes him?”

“Daisy-”

“ Daisy tried to kill him not that long ago. Do you think he’s forgotten that?”

…well, shit. She can’t exactly argue with that. “Where is he now?”

“The Distortion took him to a secluded part of the New Forest.” 

Basira nods. “So, not far. Good.” 

“Is that all you wanted from me, detective?”

“You can stop calling me that.” 

“But it has such a ring to it. Don’t you agree?” Elias grins at her. 

She doesn’t return it, and instead turns and walks away without another word. There is absolutely no time to waste.

They have an Archivist to find. 

[dranna]

Blossoming Love through the Ages

2500BC - Chapter 1

AO3 / Commissions / Links / Prologue

Summary: How does their friendship and eventually their feelings blossomed through the ages? I'm attempting to rethink the scenes we saw from the seasons, adding Crowle's thoughts and additional segments.

Warnings: none

a/n: I've finally gathered enough courage because I've never wrote nor shared anything of this poetic, sonnet like?? fanfiction before. I'm a little nervous tbh, but comments and feedbacks are warmly welcomed! Let me know, if you would like to see more:))

Later on, I might add my drawings too.

English is not my first language, so I apologise for mistakes.

Crowley’s POV:  

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

In the year 2500 BC, 

Stood someone, on top of a dry hill, 

where this story line began growing.

There he was in all confidence, 

Because he knew, he was protected by the law of all Light and Dark of the Great Universe.

He was, as he always been a soul of a misunderstood kind, 

Caught up in between the two sides of eternal corrival.   

His name was Crowley, not long ago changed from Crawly, 

A Demon, fallen from the cold, white sky, 

Which he once filled with hope and light. 

His stature was camouflaged with all black, decorated with a little carmine, 

Just like ever since, after the Beginning of Time. 

As he was standing in the frying rays, 

The flaming flocks and bushy beard of his, absorbed every heat it seemed.

His golden, snake-like eyes, remained hidden, 

Under the darkened glasses of man made brand.

“You should know why, you are about to die. 

I was sent here to tell and corrupt, there is no need to deny, 

God has abandoned you, yet claims to love you. 

Demands your praise, and has given you up to be ruined.” 

How ironic is it not? To send a once all devoted angel to the destruction of a devoted man? 

What was his sin, if I might ask, or it’s just for thy amusement? 

He gave all of his mind and heart to you, 

Is it thy reward to kill, then give everything back but new?

– Reflected the serpent, while placing the huge fire of decay, 

In front of the burning planet’s radiate. 

-------------------------------

The destruction of Job, was about to begin, 

When came in a warm golden light, 

The warning of another eternal life. 

In appearance he was the opposite of the fiend,

White and gold were what he wore, 

Hair white, cheeks puffy and in general being silly. 

Aziraphale, as he was called, appeared out of a colourless mess,  

Demanding the demon to stop his evil progress.

Before he could cast something holy upon him however, he halted amused:

“Oh! It’s you isn't it? 

We haven't met since the drowning of the creatures of this Planet.”

“Ah, yeah. That's quite correct.”

“....Well, if you don't mind, I have a duty here, I can't neglect–”

With that exchange, he opened the blanket of his holy light, 

And started his speech a second time. 

How charmful he is standing there, 

Casting blessed words to my care.

He is rather lovely on his own, 

Wouldn't need all this devine glow.

What a funny effect it will have, 

When I tell him, I’m allowed to do that!

– Crowley was chuckling inside, 

Then suddenly, calmly exhaled,

“No”

“No?” 

Azriaphale was so surprised, 

He thought, he didn't hear it right. 

After all, what he had known all this time, 

That Job is the favourite of the Creator. 

And, God is just and right, 

He wouldn't punish an innocent that tight.

“What do you mean no? 

I would like to remind you, that Job

Is favoured by God, 

Therefore you see, I can't let you do your evil deed.”

“Noooo.. Thank you? I have a permit you see,

By God. Yes!

So I’m more than allowed to do that.“

“But this can't be right!

You know well, I don't mind jokes of the harmless kind,  

However this–”

Crowley reeled the parchment of the godly permits, 

The sooner before Aziraphale could finish his speech. 

The paper just rolled and rolled and rolled, 

Over hills and valleys, 

Because it was so long. 

To the utter fright of the Angel, 

The licence seemed legit. 

His look of puzzlement has such an endearing effect, 

As he is focusing on the subject, 

How is it possible that we are on friendly terms,

Since he still has so much fate,

In the doings of Heavenly concerns?

Why do I wish to be closer to him, to him!

Among all beings?

— The Snake’s reflections wandered yet again, 

As his good companion took the permit, 

And took a visit to the Ones Up there. 

How come, he didn't know, 

While everyone got a note?

I’m pretty sure the High Ranks were the firsts,

Who was imparted in confidence, 

How he, who was sent to Earth, 

Didn't learned about this providence?   

-----------------------

Alright now I should destroy everything this poor man, Job has,

Farms, buildings, animals and children, 

What did they ever do to You?

Nevertheless I have no choice,

But to obey the orders of my Boss.…….

Yet, I'm a Demon after all, 

So they mustn't be mad if I do fuckery. 

After all, what Beings of the Down supposed to do,

But do mischievous tricks on their own? 

– Sighed the Demon with the flaming hair, 

Then launched the fires from the air, 

He seemed to be in deep, deep thought, 

While all the goats, to whom he first spoke, 

Appeared to be evaporate under the heat,

Still he carried on, in rather a cheery emotional state. 

Yes, the idea might work, 

His home will be perfect for this toil, 

All I have to do is be careful and focus, 

So the Downstareians don’t except a thing!

With that, he turned towards the home of Job, 

Among the falling fiery petal jewels.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Thank you for reading dears! <33

Tags my beloveds: @giosnape

[azuisreading]

Born of Scourge by S. Jean

Legends say when the skies grow dark and scourge starves the land, a star will fall in order to save humanity. Only when the star is sacrificed at the end of their journey will light return. It's a cycle—one humanity refuses to break because stars are plentiful and their sacrifices easier than learning the true nature of the scourge. When Sol finally falls, it's not because of humanity. It's because he's had enough of watching his brethren be sacrificed. He has one goal: end humanity and end the cycle. Unfortunately, he has to pretend he cares before humans get wise. It doesn't matter how soft the princess who catches him is—Celena will be dead by the time his journey ends. Nor how kind his assigned companions are—the outgoing Mira with her ballads, the brave Nebora with her axe, and the hero Loren with his soft voice and friendly smile. For centuries, humanity has lied and their kindness is a ruse to bring about Sol's own destruction at the end of his tale. He will not be fooled. No one cares about the cries of the stars they've destroyed over and over again and Sol will make sure this time, humanity is the one sacrificed. At least, that's the plan until his traitorous heart begins to care for the humans he sought to eradicate.

Review

Following S. Jean from their web novel series «The Magician and The Bard» brought me this greatness. I was able to apply to join their ARC team to read this gem, even though I was a bit unconvinced about their writing, but this ended up being an amazing decision. I’m in love with Born of Scourge and their storytelling skills, and I’m already in for whatever she wants to tell in the future (and for what I’ve already missed in the past).

So, what are you gonna encounter here? A lot of angst. And a pretty dark theme. This isn’t a light reading, everyone knows the world is ending, but all of us rather play dumb. That doesn’t stop the passing of time and we’re unfortunately aware. Which I believe makes things worse. There wasn’t a moment in which I believed the story would end in a happy or positive ending, and I’m pretty good at leaning toward this stuff.

Why read it, then? Because it’s amazing. You can feel the bond between the characters and how, even when everything has an end and sooner or later it will come, things have meaning. What you do it’s important. How you decide to act will always be the key. You can help someone to have a better or a worse journey just with a few, usually not significant to you, words. Just by staying for a moment. Just being you.

You can go through the world wanting to end it and still spread hope. The world could not deserve you, but what you do will always be more than enough.

I think that if a book can make me this philosophical and positive about our existence and the way our world is working right now, then it deserves a shot. I never expected to find a book with such dark tones on my comfort shelf. I never expected to have fun delving into such themes. The prose is magnificent, incredibly beautiful. I took out a few phrases just because it was going to be a big spoiler (and highly illegal, hahah) to take the whole book.

I’ll keep its love story, because I believe that’s what is about. Even this dark, is a beacon of light and hope. You know how it goes: you only can appreciate the beauty of life when you have seen its ugly side.

Phrases that I liked so much that I marked them while reading

«She held the star as close to her heart as possible because he would bring back the light. She was sure of it.» — Prologue.

«All of it was rote, normal, and helped her ignore the fact the world was ending around them. Sol didn’t mind helping her forget. He liked the way she smiled.» — Chapter I.

«And besides, she harbored the belief the world wouldn’t end because Sol was there. He hadn’t the heart to tell her otherwise or about the promise he’d made as he’d fallen through the skies. Let her believe he’d save the world if it made her smile so.» — Chapter I.

«Early on, Celena had told Sol the names of every single plant they grew here, but only these two stood out because Celena absolutely loved them.» — Chapter I.

«It was calm simply existing together like this, arms entwined, and Sol wouldn’t have minded staying like this the entire day.» — Chapter I.

«For some reason, when she spoke his name, it made him want to smile.» — Chapter I.

«The smiles she graced him with were bright and dazzling and made him forget what he was.» — Chapter I.

«When he opened his eyes again, Celena had returned. Still radiated a softness in the world Sol couldn’t help but want to hold.» — Chapter I.

«Celena was so resplendent when she smiled. Sol wanted to memorize it and sought to trace it with his fingers, so he’d never forget. Even when darkness claimed everything that was and ever would be, he’d hold onto this smile. This afternoon as they swept each other through the gardens, their soft laughter mixing together amongst the whispers in the wind.» — Chapter I.

«“Part of me actually hoped they wouldn’t come. So then I’d have more time with you.”» — Chapter II.

«“Are you ready?” “As long as I am with you,” Sol said.» — Chapter II.

«Sol drifted off, simply listening to her breathe and the way her blood hummed against him, and part of him hoped morning never came because deep down buried in his heart, he didn’t want to leave her.» — Chapter III.

«Gareth looked between Nebora and Loren, silent with his eyebrows high in amusement. For once, he wasn’t the one being yelled at.» — Chapter IX.

«As much as he wanted it to be true, these were not those he’d once been nestled beside in the cosmos. They were echoes of who they’d been, hardened into scourge and then left behind when the light returned. They would never again be who they once were.» — Chapter X.

[sabrinamichele]

The “In-between” space

It’s hard, talking about it—it feels like the white elephant in not just the room, but every single one of my relationships, and it’s just exhausting—my dating life, or the glaringly absence of one, as it were. Because it’s how we are wired, in our society, to think and to see people. You “should” be with someone. A half of “a whole,” a couple, a relationship, and god forbid you’re not, because then you’re, well, you’re not, and we need to “fix you.” Granted, no one actually says this to your face, but it’s felt. No matter what you’re doing, or have done, somehow your singleness is “your fault,” or there’s something you’re “not doing right.” It can’t be anything else now can it? Frankly, I’m very tired of the conversation, and I’m VERY over the completely unwelcome and unhelpful “advice” people give me like that will somehow be the key to “fix me.” To be clear, I am in love with the person I have become and grown into these past nine years I’ve spent finding myself being newly single. I am NOT broken, and I am NOT “less than” by being not part of a relationship. With that said, I’m not willing to settle (not any more—I settled, without meaning to, in my marriage for eleven years, and I don’t intend to spend another day of my life doing so), which is the biggest reason I am still single. I am self aware, and I have spent half of my life going through some incredibly hard shit, and then some, so this woman isn’t willing to accept anything less than the genuine article, so that just means it’s harder to find, and I’ve tried my best to make my peace with the fact that this means more time spent alone. And I am, and I’m learning to find peace here in the “in between.” My life right now feels like I’m in the waiting room, for so many things, that I am waiting and hoping will come to pass, sooner rather than later, but in the meantime, trying my damndest to not go crazy in the waiting. (Apologies as that sentence alone was insane itself.)

I know I haven’t written in a very long time, and I still have a very vulnerable, difficult post I need to share (soon), but as I sit here in this moment, these words find themselves needing to come to the surface, so I will make space for them now. I find myself grieving right now; not even a person, so much, as “what could have been” with a new person I met. In the almost nine years I have been dating, it’s given me so many opportunities to meet people, and so many “what ifs,” if you will, with some incredible humans (and, the flip side of that coin, some not so incredible humans). Thankfully, the first list is much longer than the latter. With that said, I feel like there’s no space for the “what ifs” in life. And maybe it’s the romantic in me that’s even pausing to think about it now, but I do think about this, especially as I’m getting older and the amount of times life allows you to meet someone and have an absolutely incredible moment with them and find genuine true connection, how do we not then take a moment to grieve the “what if” of what could have been with that person? It feels that we’ve become so quick to brush it away, to tell the person who’s grieving, “well they weren’t meant for you, then,” but do we ever pause and stop and say, “It sounds like there could have been something there with this person. I’m sorry that didn’t turn into something more.” I don’t know anymore. How to think about dating, how to talk about dating. But I am tired of hearing the same bullshit. If one more person tells me I need to lower my standards, i.e., settling, I will fucking scream. So, if you’re reading this, and you are “an offender,” or have told your friend “what to do” to “help them,” please stop. Please just be empathetic and listen. And say, “I’m sorry. That must be so hard.” That’s it. We don’t need you to “fix it.” We don’t need your advice (we already get an ear-full). We need you to just be there. That’s it.

As I’m coming out of a disappointing weekend, and a disappointing trip, I find, even here, despite another person disappointing me, I am hopeful. Against all odds. And grateful. So incredibly grateful to the human beings who have showed up for me these past few months. It’s been an incredibly difficult transitionary period for me, coming out of what has felt like never ending hard shit and chaos for the past three years since I was told I was losing my townhouse, and even before that. But in the few months I have found some calm following the storm, I have found a new and exciting new direction and goal, and it’s both scary and exciting, but it’s also helping me to find my way in this hard space that is the “in-between.” I promise to share more when I’m ready to, but for now, I wanted to share this.

When I think about these words, and how they’re perceived/taken by my reader, I know there’s nothing I can say that will change the way that these words are taken, or how people will continue to see me, or other single people like me. What I want, more than anything, to leave you with is this—Do not pity me. Yes, it is sad, and there has been so much loss and hard shit along this journey. But it has also come with so much growth, and so much love, even with each loss, such love. I have lived more in these nine years than so many get to in a lifetime. And I am so damn proud of the woman who’s writing these words today. No, I am not in a relationship. And no, I don’t have it all figured out. But please don’t find me sad. Please, see me as the strong, resilient woman who hasn’t let life keep her down and who still, unyieldingly, believes in love. And believes she will one day find a partner worthy of said love. Because that is the woman I am. Single, yes. Sad, sometimes. But not “sad”—not sad for reinventing her life after her husband walked out nine years ago. I believe I stand in this in between space representing all that can exist outside of what society would like to tell us is, “all there is,” and still finding a beautiful and fulfilled existence, even here. There is more.

All that said, this is still hard. And it takes a toll as I am, as Brené Brown wrote, “wired for belonging and connection.” I still long for connection and love, so I am grieving someone, or the “what could have been” with this person. And as small as that is in the grand scheme, it feels like the moment I needed to finally share some of the things that have been weighing on my heart lately.

For those here with me in this season of singleness, I hope you feel seen and comfort in these words, even if our experiences aren’t the same.

For those who are not, I hope you read these words with maybe a different appreciation for the single experience, and I hope a different approach to how you talk to your single friends going forward.

And to my dear friends who keep showing up, I love you. I couldn’t do this without you. And I hope I never have to. ❤️

Here’s to the hard moments in life, even the sad moments. As unfortunate as they are, I also know they are temporary, and they are the other side of the coin that is some of life’s sweetest moments. Here’s to all of the as of yet unknown, sweet, happy, joyful moments of life (and love) I still have ahead. I’m here, and I’m ready.

Love always,

Me ❤️

[the1975attheirverybest]

No that’s so true, it is him. It’s really sad because whenever im drunk all I think about is him but whenever he’s drunk, it’s like he hates me and im getting in his way of having a good time.

I feel I’ve made an awful mistake agreeing to move back home for uni, but atleast I’ve realised it now before we’ve decided to move in together and stuff. I mean look at me, 21 years old and thinking about getting house with a guy??? I’m literally a baby 🥹 I don’t want to move back home next year and live here forever, I want to experience life away from my family again, I really enjoy that and my family enjoy seeing me happy when im away too. He’s the only person that isn’t happy about it.

Don’t get me wrong I wasn’t expecting him to be really happy about me wanting to move away, but I didn’t expect him to persuade me to stay. I don’t have many friends at home, but he argued that I have “no friends at uni” which is so not true. I have lots of amazing friends at uni.

I took him to Edinburgh last week as a birthday trip for him. It was a disaster. He was on his phone the whole time, even at dinner. I was looking around when we were in bars and stuff and people were so engrossed in their conversations and here I was staring at my boyfriend who was constantly on his phone. He complained the whole time about anything and everything, and it really got to me because I’m a broke student rn, I don’t really have the money to be taking us to Edinburgh but I saved for it and he didn’t really appreciate it.

All of these things are just adding up and adding up. I’m really scared to break up with him, he’s so manipulative and I know it won’t be a clean break up, he’ll call me for months and won’t stop texting me. Even if I block his number, he’ll find a way. And stupid me will forgive him because it’s easier to see him content than angry and upset.

Thank you so much tho to both you and Vee! I need you both on my shoulders all day repeating your advice to me 😂 you’re both so lovely and Im so glad I reached out. I don’t feel stupid anymore like he makes me feel. 🩷🩷

Is there any way that you can get out of moving back? If you break up with him, could you get a flat share with a friend or something? You don’t have to do this! Not if you don’t want to!

What a selfish person he must be to feel entitled enough to spend his birthday trip, an expensive and difficult thing to save up for, on his phone! I’d wanna spend a special time like this with my loved ones, socially the loved one who planned this whole trip!!!! Fr I think if anyone did something that sweet for me I might just cry.

I hope you’ll dump his ass sooner rather than later. It doesn’t sound like he appreciates how giving you are. In fact it sounds like he takes advantage of your kindness. There are only so many chances you can give to someone who isn’t reciprocating.

I know it’s hard. But you have to remember that it’s over. He may not WANT it to be over, which is why he’ll have things to say and try to reach out, but you don’t even have to read his texts or emails or dms or anything. You can just delete them or have a friend do it for you. Once it’s over, you’re not his gf anymore you don’t owe him time or energy or respect. He’s a stranger to you. You got shit to do. A life to live.

Please write back soon to give me the good news that you left him. 🩷

[itshiddeninthewords]

Later Rather Than Sooner… Oops

Entry: October 23rd 2023

7:46pm

I know, I know. It’s been a long time.

Another year has passed and again, so much has changed. I just read through all my entries and that seems to be a recurring thing. Constant change.

Does it ever stop?

Doubtful.

I’m permanently living in Wauchula, at least for the next few years.

I’m shutting down my LLC.

Man, oh man. I tried to save her but at the end of the day, I just wasn’t happy doing that work anymore. It was time to say good bye and move on.

And move on, I did.

I’m currently working full time at L Cobb Construction/Cobb Site Development in their AP department.

Truthfully, I love it so much. I really appreciate my team and I look forward to my future here.

I lived with my brother for a year and ended up taking over his lease at the apartment he lived in. Not gunna lie, I adore our little apartment and the little life we live here. It’s beginning to feel so full.

My mom is thankfully still alive. She still lives at The Palms and things are much better there. Her current nurse is the best. Same with Vitas.

Who she currently has is a great fit and I hope they stick around for awhile.

My dad’s house caught on fire and almost burned down. Him and Catherine are safe and now in (beautiful) temporary housing.

The lost almost everything. Catherine was in NY and my dad was alone while all this happened. He shouldn’t have faced it alone… again. Why is he always alone?

Let’s move on.

I’m not Two Spirit and was way off base. I felt the need to have another stamp that marked me as native and I need to stop feeling like I have something to prove. I don’t.

I’m a woman who dressing more masculine, but still a woman nonetheless.

We kept Scarn and I’m so fucking thankful for that.

Magni & Dart died though… that was hard.

Me and my husband have worked on so many things and we’re doing really good. I love him so much and I’m so thankful that we’ve continued to chose each other.

Gabi is still one of the worst friends I’ve ever had.

She continues to find ways to make my life difficult.

I tried out poly again for a little bit.

Decided once again that it wasn’t for me.

I keep wanting to look elsewhere to fill faults in my marriage.. not cool. So I told him it’s wasn’t healthy or okay and I’d rather commit to us.

I was the one dating - so it wasn’t a problem stepping away from things.

I met a few women but it just wasn’t it. Not because of them, it really was a me thing.

I’ve officially been gluten free for a year and it was one of the best decisions I ever made. Veganism is popping back up on my brain but I don’t know.

I never wrote that book but I do want to publish. I’m thinking about novellas though - or maybe poetry.

Hmm, life is so strange man.

& I’m not talking about the game.

This has been such a wild time.

— EB

8:17pm

[daryl-dixon-daydreams]

Warnings: alcohol consumption, mentions of intoxication, black out reader pronouns: she/her Daryl started to stir when he heard someone coming down the steps to his basement space, but he wasn’t fully awake until there was a light rap on the door, followed by the sound of your voice. That jolted him upright. “Daryl? Are you awake?” Ahh, fuck... He clutched a hand to his pounding head and squeezed his eyes shut. Shit. Why had he drank so damn much last night? “Daryl? Please at least just answer me so I know you’re alright,” you said through the door. He swung his legs over the edge of his bed and planted them on the floor, realizing his boots were still on. “Uhh, yeah... ‘M up. Hang on a second,” he drawled. He hastily tried to smooth his wild hair.  He glanced down at what he was wearing. His clothes had deep wrinkles in them. He must have slept like the dead... He went to the door and pulled it open. You were standing at in the doorway looking somewhat worried. “Hey.” ”Hey...” you said, a little hesitantly for some reason. “How are you feeling?” Why did you look so on edge? Daryl cleared his throat. “‘M fine. Er—I mean... my head hurts...” he admitted with a dry laugh.  You nodded seriously, the creases in your brow staying put. “I’m sorry if I woke you up... I just thought we should talk after last night... Sooner rather than later.” You watched a flash of confusion flicker over his features. “Righ’—last night. Uhh...” He scratched at a non-existent itch on the back of his neck. “W—what ‘bout last nigh’?” An expression of sudden understanding dawned on you and Daryl thought that your cheeks flushed pink. “Oh. You don’t—don’t remember?” He chewed on his bottom lip and shrugged vaguely. “Nah, I—I mean, with this hangover I got I ain’t surprised.”

”Oh—umm...” You forced yourself to pull in a deep breath. Daryl’s heart started to race. “I hope I wasn’t an asshole... I can be kind of an asshole when I drink. And I dunno why I drank so damn much in the first place,” he murmured. For some reason this caused a queer sort of half-smile to appear on your face, and you felt a warmth in the middle of your chest again. “I’ll give you the benefit of the doubt because you were too drunk to stand straight...” Daryl ducked his head, embarrassed and now thoroughly worried. “Sorry...” You debated for a moment whether to tell him what had happened at all, or whether you should just try to pretend like it hadn’t happened. But that would be damn near impossible for you... just the thought of it sent a shock like electricity right up your back, tingling and warmth and hair standing on end. “You picked a fight with Aiden,” you said. “I had to stop you from beating him to a pulp.” Daryl hazarded a glance up at you, trying to read your expression. “So, tha’s why my hand hurts.” He wasn’t expecting you to go on. ”And then you—” you froze and sighed, meeting his nervous blue eyes. “Well, I helped you home and you—” Daryl gulped again. “I what?”  ”You kissed me.” The words finally tumbled out in a rush. And then the two of you were just staring at each other. His mouth dropped open like he was about to speak but nothing came out for a long moment. His heart was absolutely pounding. Ya kissed her while ya were fuckin’ drunk and now ya dun even remember it. Ya fuckin’ idiot... “I—I dun—” ”Daryl, all I want to know is if that was just some whim, some drunken impulse with nothing behind it or whether it was—real? You don’t have to say anything else.”

He straightened up, his broad shoulders falling back again and he sighed. “Course it was real.” He watched your face crack into a wide smile. You felt like a weight had been lifted off you. ”Look, I’d kiss ya again righ’ now,” he said urgently, “but I think I probably smell like stale booze...” he drawled. ”I can wait another hour,” you replied.  Daryl had never gotten cleaned up so fast in his life. Prompt: “I’ll give you the benefit of the doubt because you were too drunk to stand straight.”

[ranhaitanisgf]

Hello so glad to see you write for Shinichiro!! Could I have some headcanons of spending the day as Shinichiro’s s/o with Shinichiro, Mikey, and Emma? Maybe having a picnic or going to the mall together? Just some fluffy Sano family time!

spending a day with shinichiro sano (feat. emma & manjiro sano): headcanons

[𖤐] hii anon; thank you for requesting this!! it was so cute and fluffy to write i kinda melted a little bit when i was writing this aaaa, i hope you like it!! <333

❧ masterlist

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✂︎ honestly, the day was supposed to be just a casual date with shinichiro; going to the mall and doing some window shopping and maybe buying a few things, then going to the food court to get some food before riding to the riverside to watch the sunset. nothing really out there, but just spending time with him was enough for you, so you didn’t really need any sort of fancy date.

✂︎ at least, that was the original plan. you weren’t sure how you had ended up taking emma and mikey along with the two of you, but frankly, you didn’t really mind. there’s probably a lot of other people who would have some...thoughts, if their boyfriend’s little siblings tagged along on their date, but emma and mikey were always such sweethearts, (to you at least) so you actually thought it was a nice change of pace.

✂︎ hm, well, now that you think about it, the both of them coming wasn’t really supposed to happen in the first place. it was pretty nice weather out, so you and shinichiro had decided to walk to the mall instead of taking his bike. the both of you had figured it would be a nice change of pace and that the fresh air would do both of you some good, but you two were so wrapped up in your conversation with each other that you didn’t even notice the steps following you two. it wasn’t until you were almost at the mall that you and shinichiro had realized emma and mikey had tagged along.

“what were you thinking of buying, (y/n)?”

“hm, i’m not really too sure yet, maybe some-”

“i can’t believe that didn’t see us the entire walk!! we’re just that stealthy, emma!”

“what the hell-”

✂︎ and just like that, your date was crashed by the two little kids who had followed you on your way to the mall. according to emma, the only reason she was here was because she was trying to stop mikey, but by the time she finally was able to pull him back, she didn’t know how to get back home, so she just decided to follow you. according to mikey, he had followed you two because...well, just because he wanted to.

✂︎ mikey’s response earned him a punch on the head from shinichiro, who started yelling about how he can’t just crash his date, ‘just because he wants to’.

✂︎ it was obvious from his body language that shinichiro was feeling pretty exasperated from all this, and you can’t really blame him. i mean, who would expect for their little brother to purposefully follow him while he goes on a date?

“sorry about this (y/n), i should’ve noticed they were following us sooner. if you don’t mind, i can run them back real quick while you go look at some shops, how’s that?”

“...hm, actually, if it doesn’t bother you, how about we just take them with us? i don’t really mind that they came along; i really like emma and mikey, and if we take them with us, then you don’t have to go all the way back. is that alright with you?”

“are you sure, (y/n)? mikey can be a little troublemaker sometimes-”

“hey, shut up!! am not!!”

“yes you are!!”

“i’m sure it’s fine, now both of you stop yelling at each other, people are staring!!”

✂︎ gonna be honest here, the two of you looked like a family when you walked into the mall. mikey was sitting on shinichiro’s shoulders while shinichiro kept a firm grip on his legs, and emma was holding your much bigger hand in her smaller one, looking around a bit curiously.

✂︎ as you all walk around, looking at the different shops, there’s going to be a lot of commentary about literally everything from mikey. he’s going to be commentating on everything he sees, whether it’s clothing or a food stand that he wants to go try, his commentary will just be endless.

“do girls really wear that sort of thing??”

“woah, that looks super cool!”

“can we get the dorayaki that’s over there, (y/n)-nii?!”

✂︎ you’ll probably start to notice emma’s longing glances at some of the things that she sees in the windows. she won’t really say anything about it, but you can tell that it’s something she wants, so you’ll go into a couple of the stores with her, asking what it is that she wants. she’ll definitely be surprised at first, but she’ll get really excited that you’re willing to get stuff for her and will show you the things that she thinks are pretty. she’ll probably start talking about how she wants to be able to wear all of the cute stuff she saw in some of the other windows someday, so you just ruffle her hair and tell her that when the time comes, you’ll definitely buy it for her.

✂︎ your actions don’t go unnoticed by shinichiro, so he’ll just be waiting for you outside the store with mikey, looking at you with a small smile on his face. he doesn’t know why, but whenever he sees you getting along with her and mikey, it just warms his heart and reminds him of how much he loves you and how much he wants to be with you for the rest of his life.

“stop staring at (y/n)-nii, it’s weird.”

“wha- i wasn’t-!”

“yes you were! i saw you!!”

“be quiet mikey, i’m trying to have my moment!”

✂︎ ah, well, he actually does know why his heart skips a beat whenever he sees you smiling and getting along with emma and mikey, but he’ll save that for later.

✂︎ when you and emma walk out of the store, the giddy smile on her face makes shinichiro smile down at her before turning his gaze to you, who was looking at her with a giant grin on your face as well.

“let’s go look at some more places?”

“definitely!!”

✂︎ emma is a lot more vocal from that point onward, pointing out all the different things in the shops that she thinks would look best on you. she actually has a pretty good fashion sense, so you ended up buying some of the stuff that she suggested.

✂︎ she’ll even have you try on all the clothing that she picked out for you so that you can show shinichiro, (she whispers to you it’s so that he’s struck with love when he sees you). her plan definitely worked though; when you came out of the dressing room in the clothes she had picked out for you, shinichiro was wordless for a few moments, so captivated by you that he doesn’t even know what it is he should say. he’ll probably stutter out some words after a few moments, the broken sentence resembling that of a compliment, but you’re not quite sure since it’s all pretty broken up.

“wow, uh, you look, uh...wow, you’re very...wow…”

“shinichiro-nii, can’t you think of anything else?! i thought you were supposed to be their boyfriend!! you’re making my plan fail!!”

✂︎ mikey will probably be more interested in going to the food court, and will be asking every five minutes when you guys can be finished with window shopping so that he can eat because he’s absolutely starving, (it’s a lie, he just wants dorayaki).

✂︎ you’ll probably tell shinichiro that he should probably get some new clothing as well, with emma chiming in that his taste in clothes is kinda boring and that he should spice up his wardrobe, (he feels very wounded by this and puts a hand to his heart as if he’s been fatally shot). with that, the four of you will start to look for new clothes for shinichiro. it’s quite the serious mission, so the three of you will be closely examining him whenever he steps outside of the dressing rooms. it’s also like you three are judges at a fashion show, and if you could, you would all be holding up numbers that were rating his outfits, (the employees are fairly amused by all of this).

✂︎ after you all finally find some new clothes for shinichiro, you’ll be making your final stop at the food court, the place mikey has been pestering you about going to for the entire time you were there. he immediately dragged you all over to the dorayaki place, eagerly asking if he could get one. really though, how could you say no to those eyes?

✂︎ after getting everyone something to eat, you’ll all be sitting down, emma and mikey chomping down and their food, and you and shinichiro resting your feet after all the walking you had just done.

“remind me to never bring you to the mall on a date again.”

“what, you didn’t have fun?”

“no! no, that’s not it, i just...my wallet feels lighter than before…”

“you’re so dramatic sometimes, i swear.”

“but you love me.”

“...yes.”

✂︎ by the time you all are done with your food and are exiting the mall, it’s dark out, and emma and mikey are barely able to keep their eyes open, meaning that for the walk home, you were carrying emma on your back and shinichiro was carrying mikey. the walk back was rather peaceful, but what you enjoyed the most was the whispered conversation you were keeping up with your boyfriend, who was complaining about how mikey was drooling on his neck and he could feel it dripping down to his shoulder.

✂︎ after putting both the kids in their respective bedrooms and tucking them in, the two of you just crash on shinichiro’s bed, tired from all the events that had happened that day. you really had to admit though, it was times like these that you would always remember the most. the way he looked like when he was beside you, his eyes already closed as he rested his head on your arm. god, he looked so pretty…

“hmm, what do you think you’re doing?”

“just fixing the hair of my beautiful boyfriend, that’s all.”

“i see...carry on then.”

✂︎ neither of you bothered to change out of your clothes into pajamas, just deciding to leave them on and stay in each other’s embrace. in your opinion, there was truly no better way to end a day than to have shinichiro on your arms, his head fixed into the crook of your shoulder as he peppers kisses all over your neck and jaw.

“love you so much (y/n)...”

“mhm, i love you too.”

--