#so I’m finally closing in on being all done getting them integrated into the blog so we’re getting there

[captivemuses]

Okay I’m gonna be mobile bound for a few hours, I’m hitting up a local con so I can get Caleb Yen’s signature and then I’ll be home. I’m excited to have a Gaming print for my Genshin wall!

[ladyanput]

Ok so this is the third time that I'm sending you an ask tonight. (or is it night time in your country?) I'm being annoying right now but whatever. So I've been cackling about those salt fics you wrote because they are just amazing. I have a request, though it is up to you to write it or not. So, can you write a salt fic where someone got an interview with Ladybug (probably Aurore) and then they ask her why they replaced the old heroes like Rena Rouge, Carapace and etc. and LB is just like I don't work with dumb shits or somethin'. Then there is also a new Black Cat (Probably Luka, Felix, or Damian) because Adrien here is an asshole and this fic is saltier than salt water. Then LB also insults Alya's blog and their school. Those foolish mortals get some lawsuits and the rest is up to you. (This request is probably messed up since it's already midnight here and I can't sleep.)

You're never annoying, I just apologize that it took me so long to get to you. I do hope you don't hold it against me, darling.

A one on one interview with Ladybug was basically unheard of if you weren't the Ladyblog or Nadja Chadwick. Ladybug had made it firm that she wasn't a celebrity, she was a hero. She wasn't there for clout, for attention, for fame or fortune. She just wanted to keep Paris safe.

That's was Aurore admired about her. And why she felt queasy as she sat across from the heroine, who had given her of all people an interview. But she got ahold of herself, taking deep breaths as the cameraman began counting down. And when he hit 'one', she put on her best smile and straightened in her seat.

"Hello Paris! Welcome back to 'Latest Buzz'! I am your lovable host, Aurore Beauréal. Today I am here with a very, very special guest, our very own heroine of Paris; Ladybug!"

Ladybug beamed right at the camera, but gave a shy little wave, giving away the nerves she obviously had.

"Now, Ladybug, I'm so glad you requested to be on the show. You know, I initially thought I had misheard when Estelle told me. Usually you're not big on personal interviews." Aurore gave her full attention to Ladybug, but keeping the bright, friendly smile and perfect posture.

"Well, I tried a few times actually. But when I did, none of them were really great experiences." Ladybug admitted and both girls immediately thought of that disastrous Face-to-Face interview. It left a bitter taste in their mouths. "My issue is that misinformation has been spread around a lot recently. It's made me realize that I need to find more trustworthy sources."

"Ladybug. I vow on my integrity as a host and Estelle's reputation as a journalist that we are people who research facts. We don't ambush our guests, we respect them." She said, placing a hand on her heart. Ladybug saw an honesty in her eyes that she hadn't seen in such a long time. It honestly made her feel.. Respected. "Now, Ladybug.. We both know you have a lot of fans. A lot of admirers. False information can be spread so easily these days, which sources specifically are you telling people to avoid?"

"Well.. With Face-to-Face, I found that I was entirely ambushed in that interview. I wanted to speak about my hero work, but instead Nadja kept trying to needle her way into my personal life. That picture she had shown in largely out of context; when Dark Cupid attacked and Chat Noir was under his spell, it was the only way to get him free."

"Yes, I remember watching that. I'll be honest Ladybug, I felt bad for you." Aurore bit her lip, but smiled a bit when Ladybug nodded. "I mean, Chat Noir wasn't helping either. He seemed to be trying to push this narrative forward that you two are a couple."

"And we're not!" Ladybug burst out before she could stop herself. Everyone in that studio could hear the utter stress and frustration in her voice. "I've begged and begged Chat Noir to stop with the flirting, the 'telling people we're dating', everything! I just wanted him to focus and he couldn't seem to do that!"

"Is that why you replaced him? Because of his slacking off and refusing to take anything seriously?" Aurora sat up an bit straighter, her eyes going wide.

".. Not exactly, no. It was a bunch of issues that eventually piled up and boiled over." Ladybug made some gestures with her hands, trying her hardest to find the words but just letting out a long and pained sigh in the end. "I do enjoy my new partner now. He is more serious, more stable. I know he won't go off and pout if I deny something he wanted. I needed an entirely new team, as a matter of fact."

"Well I am going to say, on behalf of everyone here, that we're glad. We swear on our integrity as journalists that if such rumours were to ever surface again, we will do our proper research." Aurore beamed and many of the staff and crew behind the cameras nodded and gave Ladybug their thumbs up. Honestly, it warmed Ladybug's heart to see such support.

When had been the last time someone had supported her like this? Sure, her parents supported her, but her friends..? Her peers? No, none of them had supported her in a long time.

"Speaking of research, I'd say to stay away from the Ladyblog." It burned to say it but it had to be said. Alya had crossed so many lines it wasn't even forgivable at this point. She had gone too far, had betrayed too many.

"Wait, what?" Aurore nearly jumped out of her seat but quickly composed herself, taking a deep breath. "Pardon me Ladybug, but the Ladyblog has been a vital source of information since the very beginning."

"And I'm not denying that!" Ladybug quickly held up her hands, her eyes desperate now. "But please let me explain. The Ladyblog was amazing in the beginning, but like all things, it started to go astray. It was things like trying so hard to find out my identity. Trying to push that narrative of that whole superhero couple thing.. Ladyblogger Alya Césaire has proven time and time again that she is not trustworthy. I mean, I thought she was my biggest fan. Why does she keep pushing my words aside?"

Many people who watched the interview would agree. If you idolized someone, respected someone, truly looked up to them.. Why would you push aside their words, their wishes to try and push the narrative you're so convinced is true, but isn't there?

"And don't get me started on the whole Lila Rossi craze she seemed to be on now." At Ladybug's mention of Lila Rossi, both Estelle and Aurore had to keep from rolling their eyes. They knew all about the girl.

"You speak as if you are quite frustrated, Ladybug. What an odd reaction to your best friend." Aurore leaned forward a bit in her seat. Everyone else got to the edge of theirs. Ladybug only shook her head, looking utterly defeated.

"That's the thing, she isn't my best friend." It took everything to keep from satin that she hated her, that she had taken away her friends and her life. "The only times she's met Ladybug is when she's been akumatized, which has been around six or seven times at this point. And the other things she's claiming are so outlandish! Saving Jagged Stone's kitten from a airport runway? Clara Nightengale stealing her dance moves? And the Ladyblog just posts it out there, claiming every single story is true. I'm just scared that people are taking this one hundred percent seriously. That's why I had to drop Rena Rouge and Carapace from the team as they believed Lila Rossi over me. They didn't even try to confirm these rumours! And it hurts to think that one day, someone will take Lila's words seriously and get hurt. What if she says it's safe to dip strawberries in bleach? Or tells someone that she found a way to tame some kind of wild animal? Someone would get hurt because they believe her story and try it out for themselves!"

"My goodness, I can definitely see how that is a problem. Misinformation is very easy to spread thanks to the internet, so you being worried is a very relatable thing." Aurore nodded, then tilted her head ever so slightly. "Ladybug, do you know anyone who has taken her word seriously? This is besides the Ladyblog of course."

Ladybug closed her eyes briefly, mentally debating with herself before finally giving in. These things needed to be said.

"Collège François DuPont. Now I wasn't there personally, but I heard about this situation and looked into it. The entire situation was appalling. Apparently a student was found to have cheated, assaulted another student, and commited thievery. But the thing that stuck out is only one person saw her do all of these things; Lila Rossi. No investigation was done, no questioning other students. This student was then expelled immediately. Her teacher and her principal didn't even give her a chance. And from what people have been saying, Miss Rossi's behaviour is actively encouraged in that school. She misses countless days, no, months of school, claiming she's traveling. But when she was supposedly in Achu, doing whatever it was she was claiming with Prince Ali, I was fighting her akuma here in Paris on Heroes Day!"

"I was at school the day that happened. I knew the student that happened to. They're the nicest person in that school! Never a bad thing to say about anyone, always willing to help! I agree with you on how things were handled, it's a level of incompetence that is baffling." Aurore's hands slowly curled into fists as she remembered it all. She slowly shook her head. "The principal, their teacher, their class who backed up Rossi. It must have hurt them so much, made them feel so alone."

"That's why I want people to be more careful with what information they take as fact. It's so important, because stuff like that can lead people to a desperate place. They feel alone, like the entire world is against them. I wouldn't have let the principal and the teacher get away with that gross negligence in their jobs." Ladybug leveled her gaze directly to the camera. "People of Paris, please listen to what I am saying. I am here to be a hero, to protect you from the terror of Hawkmoth and to defeat him. But please, do not be like Principal Damocles, do not be like that teacher and her class at DuPont. Do your research, look up your facts. Do not let a liar lead you to do something dangerous and hurt yourself as well as others. Respect each other, talk and be honest. I swear on my life that I shall do the same. You are the people I swore to protect and I love. I am saying this all to protect you. And I'll hope you'll all forgive me for not protecting you sooner."

...

The interview rocked Paris. Ladybug speaking so openly about her frustrations, about the discrepancies in the Ladyblog and Lila Rossi had many people double checking the sources of everything they learned from that blog.

Alya could barely show her face as she made her way though the school hallways. Her reputation as a journalist had gone down the drain. People had basically started boycotting her blog, harrassing her, or trash talking her on other forums and sites. Even a lot of news outlets picked this up.

What hurt the most from that interview last night was Ladybug's words towards her, both as Rena Rouge and as Alya. Surely the heroine had to be mistaken, she had never beytrayed Ladybug! And that Oblivio incident, it was just to show Chat Noir and Ladybug that they were meant to be together!

Her family was upset with her. No, upset was too tame of a word. They were pissed.

"I can't believe she lied to us.."

"Well what do you expect from someone who keeps harrassing Ladybug?"

Alya flinched when she heard the whispers and rushed into Miss Buster's class. The entire class was there, all seated, all looking utterly miserable. Many of them looked as if they had been crying all night. A lot like she had.

"W-where's Miss Bustier?" Alya asked when she eyed the empty desk. Many of her classmates shot her glares, but didn't say anything about the interview last night. After all, they had no room to talk.

"She and Principal Damocles are with the school board now. We're getting a new teacher." Adrien was the one that spoke up. He looked utterly miserable. So unlike his usual self.

"Lila isn't coming back. She was pulled from school when her mother found out what happened." Alix muttered from her seat, arms crossed and shoulders hunched.

The class went quiet as they all internally contemplated how things had gotten like this. Their eyes focused on the door when it abruptly opened and Marinette came strolling in, carrying a box.

"Good morning everyone!" She said brightly, pretending not to notice the downcast expressions on their faces. She set the box on the teacher's desk before she turned towards them. "Oh? What's wrong everyone?"

".. Did you not watch the interview with Ladybug on 'Latest Buzz'?" Alya stared at Marinette, a bit dumbfounded by her friend's lack of awareness of the situation. She had been expecting Marinette to rush in with support and a fiery vengeance against those who had humiliated her best friend, maybe even a fresh pastry. But instead she was greeted with empty hands and a cheerful hello?

"Oh, well I haven't really had the time to watch much television. I mean, with my transfer papers, needing to plan out my new schedule with all of those new classes. Busy as a bee, that's me!" Marinette just beamed, giving Adrien a playful wink that had his stomach churning.

"Wait, transfering?" It was Rose that spoke up, her large eyes seeming impossibly large now. "Transfer what?"

"To my new school, of course." Marinette giggled and clasped her hands together. "I start on Monday."

"New school?!" Alya was on her feet and rushing towards Marinette. The others quickly followed, crowding around her. "What do you mean new school?! When did you ever say you were going to a new school?"

Marinette blinked, as if stunned, then tilted her head ever so slightly.

"I told you all last week, don't you remember?" Marinette tapped her lower lip, seeming to be wracking her brain before she abruptly snapped her fingers. "Oh! I forgot, you all were deep in conversation with Lila about her upcoming event with Jagged Stone and Clara Nightengale. You know, the one she said she'd be attending with Ladybug, since they're such good friends. Did she ever say how it went?"

All of the students shifted uneasily, suddenly seeming to refuse to meet her face.

Alix murmured something so barely audible, Marinette held a hand to her ear and leaned closer.

"I'm sorry, what was that?"

"Lila was lying to us!" Alix snapped as her cheeks went a flaming red.

"About everything! She never knew Jagged Stone!" Juleka spat out in fury.

"Or Prince Ali!" Rose sniffled.

"And she wasn't friends with Ladybug? They were barely acquaintances!" Alya wailed out as tears welled up in her eyes.

But Marinette hardly reacted the way they were expecting. She just gave them a small smile and nodded.

"Oh, yeah. I know."

Alya sucked in a breath sharply.

"You knew..? But why did you never..?"

"Oh Alya, you silly forgetful thing. I told you the day she returned from her long 'trip', remember? I told you she was lying." Marinette gave Alya a smile that said 'oh you silly thing'. "But you told me that I should really check my sources. And I got tired of trying to bring up any lies, since that was always your response. So I decided to just stop. I mean, since you're such an inspiring, honest journalist you must double and triple check every source you come across and found every story to be true!"

Alya flinched and looked away, feeling the churning feeling in her gut again. No, the Ladyblog had been the only source for the stories. The. Only. One.

"And I'm sure all of you knew what you were doing! I mean, it makes sense; trusting the words of a complete stranger over someone you've known for a while now. Some of you since we were in diapers!" She focused her gaze on Nino and Kim, who had the grace to at least look ashamed.

"Marinette, you really should-" Adrien began, reaching out for the girl, but was cut off by her clapping her hands together.

"But it's alright! I decided that fighting with you all wasn't worth it, so I took Adrien's advice and took the high road! Don't bother exposing Lila, she isn't hurting anyone!" Marinette announced brightly, giving her hands a little wave.

The temperature in the classroom dropped by several degrees.

".. Adrien, she's kidding, right?" Nino glanced over at his friend, his eyes pleading for him to deny it all. But the sight of the blood draining from the model's face and the sweat starting to bead at his forehead told him everything he needed to know. "Dude.."

"How could you?! You knew this entire time and didn't even try to tell me?!" Alya rounded on Adrien, fury in her eyes.

"Now, now, don't get mad at Adrien. I'm sure he knew you all were going to do you research. Besides, it's not like this did anything bad for anyone." Marinette pressed a hand to her cheek, still grinning. "I mean, it's not like you all took her advice without doing any research. You didn't try the things she suggested without actually checking them out to be true, right? No one lost any scholarships or job opportunities. No one's relationships were ruined. No one was hurt."

The nauseous feeling spread to all of the class as the reality of everything caught up with them.

"I'm sure everything will go back to normal, right? I mean, I'm sure that that woman from the education bureau isn't here to fire Damocles and Bustier for their severe neglect in their duties. Expelling me with the most mediocre and shaky proof. Surely that's a school I should feel safe in! That I should be proud to be a part of. But alas, my preparations for my new school are already done, so oh well."

Marinette shrugged and adjusted her purse strap.

"Anyhow, I wish you all luck with the amazing things Lila has helped you to do! I know it must have been worth ignoring me and convincing me I was crazy. With all of the free time I've had, with you guys practically replacing me with Lila in the group, I've had tons of time to spend with my boyfriend."

"Boyfriend?!" Alya's eyes went owlishly wide as she gaped at Marinette. "But what about Adrien?!"

"Oh Alya, I fell out of love with Adrien forever ago." Marinette shook her head in an almost patronizing way that had Alya's cheeks burning with embarrassment. They didn't even pay attention to Adrien's noises of surprise. "I mean, you claimed I was jealous of Lila getting close to Adrien, that I should let the jealousy go. And you know what? You were right! So I decided Adrien wasn't worth the stress, the embarrassment.. I mean, I couldn't even talk to him straight. I thought he was the most perfect guy in the world! Goodness, did I learn my lesson!"

She giggled as if she found the entire thing amusing. She then beamed at the class.

"Well, ta-ta! I need to get back home and make sure everything is ready to go. I wish you all the best, I really do!"

They all watched, shellshocked as Marinette breezed out of the classroom like it was nothing. Like she wasn't leaving her friends, her school, her life behind. And they all would wonder exactly how badly they screwed up, if she could walk away do easily, without a care.

Permanent Taglist: @vixen-uchiha @ravennightingaleandavatempus @2sunchild2 @crazylittlemunchkin @bee-wrecker @souleateralicestein @loysydark @kceedraws @realrandomposts @alienjoyful

Salt Taglist: @virgil-is-a-cutie @sidessunnybumblebee @persephonebutkore @18-fandoms-unite-08 @suzen23smith @luciferge @theelventhgod @noirdots @space--butterflies @ghostglaceon @magicalfirebird @goggles-mcgee @chocolate1721 @minightrose @bookcrazybby @cupcakeandkisses @mewwitch @adrestar

[smellsfaintlyofvanilla]

author-chan!! can i have angst of annie leonhardt' s/o leaving her after she confesses that she's the female titan:(((

also i wish you luck with your blog ٩( ᐛ )و

tHIS HURT ME TO WRITE, ANNIE DESERVES HAPPINESS!

On another note though, thank you! I’m having fun so far ᕕ( ᐛ )ᕗ

Oh, and to preface, this turned out a lot more angsty and violent than I had sort of planned in my head, so if you want something changed, I can easily go back and edit it.

Monster

(Annie Leonhart x Reader)

AU: Canon

Warnings: Slight violence, season 3 spoilers

Category: Angst

Summary: After finding out she is the Female Titan, Annie’s s/o leaves her, leaving her heartbroken and angry.

Words: 2.0K

The most recent scouting expedition was an absolute disaster.

You thought things were going well. One of your first scouting missions, and you had made it far into titan territory without much trouble.

But then, she appeared.

An abnormal for sure. Shown to be fast and agile, plus very intelligent, the Scouts stood no chance. She mindlessly ripped through your comrades in search of Eren, pushing all the way up to the forest, and wiping out almost all of the Levi squad.

Luckily, you were able to make it out of the mission relatively unscathed, physically anyway. Mentally, you were a mess. The experience messed you up for sure, you had never been more terrified of a titan before then. The fear of death that she instilled in you had shaken you to your core, and as soon as you were allowed to leave, you ran to the interior to find solace in your girlfriend, Annie.

Sneaking into the military police dormitories, as you had done many times before, you quietly pushed to the door open, poking your head in in search of the blonde.

You found her alone in bed, staring at the ceiling wordlessly. Her roommate, Hitch, was strangely absent. You wondered if she was getting ready for bed. It was a bit early, as the sun had just began to set, but you figured she may have just been tired.

She didn’t seem to notice you at first, which was unnatural of the usually extremely observant soldier. Still you paid no mind to it, calling out her name.

“Annie?”

She turned to face you, and a small smile graced her lips. But something was very off about it. The smile looked so... pained. Not fake, but pained. Like it hurt her just to smile.

“Can I come in?” You asked, just out of courtesy, since she looked like she had something on her mind.

She nodded, sitting up in her bed and patting the space next to her.

You climbed onto her bed, and the two of your shared a chaste kiss before you hugged her, burying your head in her shoulder. You inhaled slowly, taking in her calming, slightly sweet scent.

“I missed you...” You muttered.

She chuckled just a little, before wrapping her arms around you and falling backwards, pulling you with her so you were tucked into her side. “I missed you too...”

You snuggled closer into her chest, taking deep, relaxed breaths for the first time in days.

You laid in comfortable silence for a few minutes, before you finally started to talk about what had really been bugging you.

“The scouting mission was a disaster.” You said, slightly muffled into her chest. You could’ve swore you felt her breathing hitch and her muscles tense up at the mention of it.

You pulled your head out of her chest, not even waiting for her to beckon you to continue, deciding to keep talking anyway.

“There was this huge abnormal, and she was faster and smarter than any one I’ve ever seen before!” You cried out, not even bothering you control your voice. You needed this experience off of your chest as soon as possible. “She killed so many Scouts! I saw it all with my own two eyes, I thought for sure I was gonna die!” Tears formed in your eyes as you recounted the experience, images flashing through your head and screams ringing in your ears.

Your hands covered your eyes, eyes squeezing shut so tightly that bright colors seemed to flash over your vision as your eyebrows furrowed. Quiet sobs and sniffles escaped your lips.

After a moment, you realized Annie still hadn’t moved an inch. The Annie you know would’ve been shushing your cries and petting your hair, as she’s done so many times before, but right now, she didn’t move a muscle.

Your eyes fluttered wide open, and you bit your bottom lip to suppress your sobs. You shakily moved your head up to look at her. She was completely frozen, even her breathing had stopped momentarily, as she stared at the wall with wide, unmoving eyes. Her expression looked so mortified.

You gasped out loud as it finally clicked, your hands moving from your ears to cover your mouth, and your pure shock immediately stopped the flowing tears. All the pieces fell into place in your mind at once.

The expression on her face was recognizable anywhere. God, how did you not notice it before?!

Guilt.

Confused and panicked, you sat up and scampered to the opposite side of the bed, still in disbelief.

“A... Annie?” Your whisper was barely audible, but compared to the tense stillness of the room, she heard you perfectly. “Tell me it isn’t true...”

You had ignored it. You didn’t want to think about any of it. You didn’t want to think about how similar the female titan looked to her, or how the female titan had the same martial arts technique as her, or how strange she had been acting lately, especially now after the attack. You still clung to hope that, maybe, just maybe, you were wrong.

She finally sucked in a breath harshly through her clenched teeth, lowering her head in shame and hiding her eyes from yours.

“I...” She whispered. The tone in her voice almost made you pity her. She sounded so sad, like a kicked puppy. The furrow in your brow softened, but you remained on guard until she finished her sentence.

“I’m so sorry... Y/n...”

At that moment, you felt a switch flip in your mind. This was no longer the Annie you knew. She wasn’t the Annie that would lean on you silently during mealtimes, or the Annie that would kiss you on the forehead when you woke up together, or the Annie that smiled lovingly whenever you told her that you loved her.

No, not anymore. This was a monster. She was a monster.

Burning rage and heartbreak coursed through your veins, taking over your body as you lost any control you may have had. She didn’t need to try to apologize. She didn’t deserve forgiveness.

You grabbed her by the shoulders, and before she even had the chance to react, you tackled her off of the bed and onto the creaky wooden floors of the dorm, landing on top of her with a loud thud.

She shut her eyes and winced in pain for a moment, but she opened them to look at you. As soon as her eyes met yours, you saw them widen with fear. Not fear for her safety, she could easily beat you in a fight if she wanted to. No, this fear was different, it was something she had feared since she first started to fall for you. And right now, it seems that fear was becoming reality.

“WHY?!” You screamed, still hovering over her. Despite your anger, your face appeared distraught, tears falling from your eyes and onto her cheeks. The tears she usually wiped away endearingly were now flowing from your eyes, and it was all because of her.

“This whole time, you pretended to love me, while you were really just our enemy? Do you have any idea how many died because of you?! What are you doing this for?! WHY, ANNIE, WHY?!”

Tears fell from Annie’s eyes as she struggled to form a coherent sentence.

You remained on top of her, waiting impatiently for an answer. “Well?!”

“I... Y/N please... I’m sorr-” Her sentence was cut off as you raised your fist and struck her in the nose with all your might. Her head flung to the side, blood already spurting from her face.

“Don’t give me that sorry bullshit! You aren’t sorry at all! You just want to save your hide!”

You sat up from your previous position, but your knees stayed grounded on the floor to either side of her. You stared at her, your expression broken and unremorseful.

“You’re a traitor...” Your voice dropped to a solemnly low pitch, and a pained, almost hysterical laugh ripped through your throat. You calmed down within moments, however, and stared into her eyes. If looks could kill right now, she would be dead on the floor in an instant.

“You stood there with us and swore to fight against the titans... and then you went on to kill your own comrades... do you feel no remorse?” You shook your head, looking away as if she didn’t even deserve your acknowledgement. “You never deserved to wear the uniform. You should never have joined the ranks.”

You stood up, heading for the door. You turned to look at her once again, only to see that she hadn’t moved an inch, her head still facing to the side, looking away from you.

“Tch.” You turned around, twisting the doorknob and pushing the door open slowly.

“I can’t believe I thought I loved you,” You took a step out of the door. “You monster.”

---

Annie panted in front of the mirror, gripping the sides of the porcelain for support. The blood still leaked from her nose, the metallic taste making its way into her mouth and coating her tongue.

She looked at the mirror, and a stranger stared back. A stranger whose faced was still stained with tears. A stranger who was afraid. A stranger who, deep down, ached for her lover to return.

She should’ve known. Hell, Reiner warned her several times.

“I know you care about her, Annie, but you can’t get attached to, let alone involved with Y/N. It sacrifices the integrity of our mission as warriors.”

She winced at the memory, closing her eyes and trying to block it out. Still, his words wrapped itself around her brain.

“Besides, you know it well. We’re sinners, Annie. Monsters. We have a duty to serve, but that’s it. People will hate us simply for being born into this program, for inheriting our titans. Y/N is no different.”

She stared back into the mirror. The stranger who looked back had really believed that she could do it. That Y/N wouldn’t hate her when she inevitably found out her secret. How foolish, believing that she could be forgiven.

A sudden rush of anger and frustration washed over her, and her hand left the sink and struck the mirror in front of her. The reflection shattered, and the glass fell to the ground.

She didn’t bother to wash the blood off of her hand, or even pick the tiny shards of glass out of her hand before she punched the empty wall where the mirror used to be.

*POW*

She knew it, she always knew it, years before even being given her orders.

*POW*

Of course she knew it, how could she not?

*POW*

But she didn’t want to be reminded of it.

*POW*

She didn’t even want to think about it.

*POW*

She didn’t want it to be told to her face like that.

*POW*

And especially not by her.

*POW*

No matter how she faced it, she was just...

...

A monster.

---

She huffed in the midnight air as she ran, holding her limp right hand. It wouldn’t take a genius to look at it and tell immediately that she had shattered many of the bones in her fingers, but that didn’t matter right now. You knew her secret, and it wouldn’t be much time before you told the others.

She ran as fast as she could, skidding to a halt in front of the cabin that she unfortunately knew all too well.

---

Reiner awoke with a start, a painful sensation covering his chest. As he opened his eyes slowly, the blurry silhouette in front of him delivered another swift kick to his ribs. He groaned painfully as the silhouette began to clear.

“Annie?” Confusion and fatigue laced his speech heavily. Across the room, Bertholdt began to stir awake.

“Reiner,” She spoke. His eyes widened as he gazed into her eyes. The icy blue orbs appeared as though no one was behind them. She looked broken, as if a painful realization had shattered her entire world. “Get up. Now.”

“Huh?” He sat up, noticing her battered and bruised hand, only heightening his confusion.

“We’re going to go get Eren.” She spoke, an eerie monotony to her voice.

“Whether you like it or not,” She continued. “This mission ends today.”

SAAHFKSJHLDFSKHACKJH I NEVER WANT TO WRITE ANNIE IN PAIN AGAIN I FEEL SO BAD AAAAAAAAAAA

also, i put so much effort into this, but it feels really bad for some reason :|

Also I couldn’t write Annie punching the wall without comparing her to a Kyle™ lol.

Well, still, I hope you enjoyed it! Let me know if I should change anything.

[p-artsypants]

P-Artsypants Fic Masterpost!

This information is always available on my blog. 

Find most, if not more, of these fics on:

Fanfiction.net | Archive of Our Own | Wattpad

(~AU’s, *Finished, ❤️Author’s Favorites)

Kingdom Hearts

~❤️Rage Awakened AO3 | FF.net- Ten years ago, Terra, Aqua, and Ventus lost their fellow apprentice, Sora, in Deep Jungle. Now, they are to return with two new students, Riku and Kairi, to lock the heart of the world. All the while, something watches from the trees. Feral!Sora AU

My Kingdom for a Heart AO3 | FF.Net - The curse of being one of the Princesses of heart, is that there’s always someone out to get you. As Xemnas looked failure in the face, he reached out in a last ditch effort and destroyed Kairi’s heart. Now her friends must travel the worlds again. Sora, to find a way to recover Kairi’s heart, and Riku, to make amends to those he has wronged. All the while, the darkness grows. [Unfinished, on permanent hiatus]

Miraculous Ladybug

One Shots

*❤️Amalgam- When an young man is rejected for being ‘incompatible’ he turns into the akuma ‘Amalgam’ able to fuse two people together. And later Adrien and Marinette would debate if it was lucky or unlucky that they got hit. (Also Available in Russian)

*Sing We All Noel- After receiving the worst Christmas present ever from his father, Chat Noir finds himself out on the streets with nowhere to go on Christmas Eve. Thankfully, Ladybug finds him and brings him home.

*Speechless- In a world where everyone has a soulmark, the first words their soulmate will say to them, Marinette is born without one. But Adrien Agreste has two. Curious, considering he’s mute.

*❤️Tunnels of Love- The night started out with an accidental kiss from Adrien Agreste, and ended with her bleeding in the Catacombs of Paris. Ladybug, the wielder of the miraculous of good luck. Yeah right. (Some blood)

*The Reveal That Wasn’t- First Parts My ending to kittybug’s Tumblr Prompt

*What A Mess We’re In- Ladybug has a lot on her mind, and when Chat Noir bugs her enough, she tells him she’s going to confess to her Crush, Adrien Agreste. Chat’s reaction is not what she’s expecting.

*Oblivi-oh no! - A retelling of Oblivio, except Ladybug is the only one to lose her memory. How will Chat deal?

*Bad Day (3 chapters) - Marinette was Ladybug! This was Adrien’s luckiest day ever! Except it wasn’t, because all his good luck was used up in one go. Turns out this might be the worst day of his life.

*One Win, So Many Losses- Marinette was forced to break up with Adrien. It had been a low blow from Gabriel, to be sure. But she was Ladybug. She’d find a solution…right? An alternate ending to Chat Blanc, where Adrien doesn’t Cataclysm the akuma.

*❤️Five Minutes- Gabriel has had enough of all these girls fighting over Adrien. He decides it’s high time Adrien picks one, and arranges the perfect opportunity for him to do so. Each candidate has five minutes to present why they’d be a good girlfriend. Marinette decides to take this opportunity to shoot her shot.

~*Panache- Every eligible maiden was invited to the Prince’s ball. That included Marinette, scullery maid in her own household. But her stepsisters destroyed her dress, and she can’t go to the ball in rags. Or can she? (Cinderella!AU)

*Perfect, No Matter What-In which Gabriel sets the bar even lower for himself, a reveal happens because of pain medication, and the new guardian actually goes to Chloé for advice.

*Crushed- Stuck under a collapsed building together, Chat Noir and Marinette have a heart to heart.

*Lovelace- Convinced that he's unlovable, Adrien is quickly thrown for a loop when Marinette confesses her love for him out of the blue. An akumatization and reveal later, he changes his mind about being unlovable.

Long Fics

*❤️Longest Night- (FF.net | Ao3) - The day started out sucky to begin with. Her crush ousted to the class and Adrien. Lila taking pride in exacting her revenge. But by the time patrol was over, a young man was dead, and Ladybug’s identity was at risk. Lila was the least of her concerns. Good thing Adrien was taking it all like a champ. (Rated M for scenes of torture)

*❤️Nine Lives- (FF.net) When Adrien Agreste is scheduled to go to a Military School in Germany, Chat Noir must make a critical decision. Does he give up his Miraculous? Or does he give up his life as Adrien? I’ll save you the trouble of guessing, he gives up being Adrien.

*Tender Words- When Marinette finally gets the guts to confess her feelings for Adrien, some things go so wrong, and other things go so right.

*Integrity- Overwhelmed with her responsibilities, guilt, and drama, Marinette has an emotional breakdown in front of everyone, and even hands over her earrings in a moment of weakness. Only for a few seconds, but the damage was done. Adrien’s pretty quick on the uptake like that.

~Much Obliged- Everyone deals with grief differently. Some take to drinking, others devote themselves to charity. Adrien Agreste? Well, he became a cowboy. Marinette Dupain-Cheng is a witch, one of very few in the world. She knows what it’s like to be doubted, and assumed delusional. Maybe that’s why they got along so well. Or maybe it’s just because they both like big hats. AU where everything is the same, except instead of superheroes, Adrien is a Cowboy and Marinette is a witch. (Unfinished) (Based on a AU by @bugaboo-n-bananoir)

*I’ll Handle This- “I’ll solve all your problems,” Plagg had said. “You just have to agree to it.” A fixed relationship with his father, Lila to stop bothering him, and Ladybug to fall in love with him? Who wouldn’t agree to that? Except Plagg was the God of Destruction and Chaos and had a more…hands-on approach. Adrien just wants his body back. (Body swap fic)

The Ghost of Smokey Joe- Adrien Agreste was acting bizarre. Stilted body language, plastic smile, and he seemed to have forgotten how close they were. Before she can get the truth out of him, Marinette finds herself as the sole heir to the Gabriel brand and the mansion, following the murder-suicide of both Adrien and Gabriel Agreste. The mystery continues as Tikki explains that Adrien was Chat Noir...but if Adrien is six feet under, why is Chat Noir still running around?

How To Train Your Dragon

One Shots

The Vikings Have Their Tea (FF.Net | AO3)

Arranged Marriage- Takes place at the beginning of HTTYD

❤️Breathe- Survival of the fittest

~Childhood Friends- At the Sandbox

❤️Easy Fix- In which Hiccup has a bad day

~Fashion Designer- Astrid needs a fill in

❤️Frozen- In Which Astrid takes a Dip and things get frisky (Rated M)

❤️Headache- In Which Hiccup hits his head….really hard

❤️Heir- In Which Hiccup is Picked (Longer version by FateCharms)

Illness- In Which Stoick is a dad

~Illusionist- Trick gone wrong

~In the Walls- In which there’s a poop ghost

~Knocking On The Wrong Door (2) - A chance encounter

❤️Messages- Astrid is Frustrated with Hiccup’s obliviousness

~To Mirkwood- Hiccup is not a dwarf

~Monster Falls- Hiccup and Astrid take a dip

❤️Mute- In which there’s a quiet stranger

~Music Video (ImgHS)- He didn’t expect it

❤️Operation: Lovebirds- In Which the gang makes a plan, and Hiccup gets Drunk

~Over- Too many nightmares

~Partners in Crime- A normal day at work

~Pirate- Astrid is the greatest treasure

~Prince- He doesn’t want to be a broken King

❤️Sorting Things Out- In Which Astrid gets her ducks in a row

~The Dragon and The Dame- Beauty and the Beast Au

The Pit- In Which Hiccup is rescued

Hide and Seek- Part 1

Lost and Found- Part 2

Long fics:

*❤️Infernal Responsibility- Being the son of the chief takes brains, courage, and a lot of patience. But at his father’s the request for marriage, Hiccup decides he has had enough. When he seeks out a life of ease, he runs into more than what he bargained for.

*❤️Roses and Lilies- “Astrid, you and I both know you’re much tougher than I am. You’re more brave, and a better fighter…but just for a little while…could we pretend that I’m the one protecting you?” “Oh gods yes!” (Also Available in Spanish!)

*~What the Water Gave Me- The sea is a wild and dangerous thing, something that cannot be foretold or predicted. Hiccup discovered this many years ago, in human naiveté. Yet, what was meant as a sacrifice became a new life, one like no one could comprehend. He now finds himself once more in the unknowing hands of those that sentenced him to death. He only prays things will be different this time. Merman!AU

*Parasite- Soulsnatcher Dragons are rare but deadly. But, As Hiccup finds out, it’s the eggs you have to watch out for.

*~320 State Street- Gobber’s Goods. A Hardware Store that was rumored to have everything you needed. She thought she only needed a job. Turns out, she needed a lot more than that. (A Modern AU no one asked for)

*~❤️The North Tower- When Finn Hofferson died, Astrid inherited his castle in Wales…and a whole lot more. Something sinister lurks in the North Tower.

*~❤️Boy Toy- AO3 - At the age of 21, Princess Astrid lawfully has to pick a husband. But when the perfect groom is nowhere to be found, she requests the toymaker to create one for her. It’s safe to say that everyone in the kingdom is a little concerned. (Pinocchio!AU I guess?)

No, You Go First- AO3 - The Chief of Berk was a headstrong viking, stubborn and full of pride, and willing to do whatever it takes to keep his village safe. But for a moment, he puts that aside, and listens to his son. In which Hiccup convinces his dad not to make him go through Dragon Training, and the subsequent changes that follow.

*In Due Time- AO3 - As another illness sweeps through Berk, Gothi needs another ingredient for her medicine…one that doesn’t exist anymore. Fortunately, she kept that old spell book around for such an occasion. Big Hiccup is sent to five years into the past, and his younger self sent to take his place in the future. But it’s only a few days, what could go wrong?

Trollhunters: Tales from Arcadia

❤️Arcadia or Bust- In Which Arcadia welcomes back it’s underground citizens.

Teen Titans

Oneshots:

~Big Brother- Don’t turn out the light (Horror)

Dear Jason- Bruce Writes a letter

Just Drawing- Bruce thinks about Robin

The Prisoner- Starfire is Guilty

Of Mustard and Three Foot Purple Tongues- A collection of Oneshots and Drabbles

Long Fics (*Finished):

*~❤️Carol of the Bells- High in the dark Bell Tower of Notre Dame, there lives a mysterious bell ringer. Legend tells of the angel who fell from the sky, and the curse she bares. There are few who know her true identity though; her master, the priest, and the acrobat that performs on the streets below. Based loosely on ‘The Hunchback of Notre Dame’ RobxStar and slight BBxRae

*No Escape- Three years ago, Starfire escaped an Alien race called the Gordanians, to arrive on Earth. They’re back, and ready to put Starfire back where she belongs, behind reinforced Titanium bars. Robin’s not about to let her go…if only he hadn’t got captured first. How does it feel to be the alien, Robin?

*Now you Know My Pain- When the new Villain, Gender Bender, comes to down, the Titans find themselves in an odd situation. They’ve been turned into the opposite gender against their will! Now in order to change back, they must learn to understand the gender they’ve turned into. Rated T for obvious reasons. A great read if you’ve ever wondered why girls or guys do [blank].

*Paint it Black- Robin disappeared three months ago. Now, Jump City’s crime rate is mysteriously being taken care of by a normal, albeit strange, teenage boy who goes by the name Black. As the Titans befriend this lunatic, they begin to see a relation between him and their missing leader. Will they be able to find Robin, or will Black turn them all insane as himself? Actually, contains NO OC.

*Saving Grace- “When I’m done with you, you won’t be able to walk upright or speak coherent sentences and all you’ll see is my mask and my voice repeating in your head…Weak. Richard Grayson, I am not tough, I am everything that you fear.” Happy Ending! Smudge of RobStar. NO Slash!

Other Fandoms

Final Fantasy XV

❤️Requiem for Pitioss-“O King. The god’s have heard your cries. Know that we weep with you. The Oracle’s calling has not yet been fulfilled. But…Lunafreya as you know her cannot return the way she was.” Noctis looked up, hopeful. “But she can return!” Canon divergence from Chapter 9. Happy ending. Some spoilers.

Final Fantasy X

I Do…I Guess? - “I would…like to ask you something.” “Shoot.” “Well…if it’s not too much…I’d like to ask you…to marry me.” Knowing what’s to come during her pilgrimage, Yuna asks Tidus to marry her, strictly for convenience and having an official next of kin, of course. Starts after Luca and how this decision would affect the rest of the story.

Beauty and the Beast

*❤️Behold the Beast- A Oneshot alternate ending to the Animated Film

Cinderella

*❤️Midnight- “When the clock strikes twelve, the spell will be broken,” the fairy godmother had warned. A retelling of the story, when Cinderella doesn’t escape the ball in time. Oneshot

*So This is Love- What if Jaq and Gus hadn’t made it in time to help Cinderella? A new twist on the ending of the classic Fairytale, and what lies beyond the story. She still gets her happy ending and her Prince, and her step family gets their just deserts.

Sleeping Beauty

*❤️A Love Song Back To Me- Maleficent saw the loophole that stared her in the face. Prince Phillip would break the curse in time, for sure. After all, he was betrothed to Aurora. So in an effort for her evil plan to stay in action, Maleficent takes care of the young prince herself. Phillip never imagined having to live off the land like the birds above. Alternate twist on the classic Disney tale.

Escaflowne

Down Feathers- Hitomi’s depressed. She’s been away from Van too long, he comes back to visit her…but what if something went wrong with the transfer? (Not finished. Never will be finished. Mwahaha) Circa 2012

*Angel’s Wounds- Fanelia’s been victorious in their most recent battle with Basrum. Unfortunately, someone is wounded and just seeks solace in his love that lives so far away. Post Anime.

Momma Look Sharp- With the war between Fanelia and Basrum finally coming to a close, the kingdom is celebrating. The young king, however, is suffering from an experience unlike any he had before. Van finally seeks solace in his wife.

[gumnut-logic]

The world was blurry as he let his head slide on one hand and stared out through the kitchen window. Gordon was in the pool, swimming his morning laps. The sun had yet to rise and Virgil had broken several laws of physics rising himself. This time of day should not exist. But then it didn’t, because it wasn’t day yet because there was no sun!

But no, supersonic big brother wanted to do some special training today. Training that for some reason had been scheduled at sunrise.

It was possibly important, likely scheduled just to get his ass out of bed at this godawful hour. Occasionally there were some issues with having your brother in command. Brotherly love only went so far, brotherly snark had more mileage, and Scott did have that twist of his lips when he announced the schedule.

Four pairs of eyes had immediately turned to him and his return glare had been insufficient to deflect the amusement that followed.

But it was okay. It was fine. He had his own skill drills up his sleeve. Two am would be convenient for him next time, definitely. After all, they all had to keep their skill sets up, didn’t they?

In the meantime, it was black coffee and repeated attempts to focus on Mateo. Mateo was distinctly blurry, and dark and...

“Hey, Virg!” Alan whacked him on the back.

His face nearly ended up in his coffee. “Alan? What the hell?”

“And good morning to you, too, big bro. Ready for this morning’s run?”

He stared at his bright and peppy, yes, peppy, youngest brother. Augh. “Go away.”

“Aww, did the big bear have to get out of bed a little early?”

“Alan...”

“C’mon, Virg, it’s gonna be fun. A race around the island, wind in your hair, blood pumping...it’s gonna be awesome.”

Virgil stared at him, his brain slowly picking up that something wasn’t quite right. “Alan, why aren’t you comatose?”

“What do you mean, big bro?”

A slow blink. “You hate mornings almost as much as I do. Who are you and what have you done with my little brother?” His eyelids drooped all of their own volition.

“It’s called prepared, bro. I’m in it to win it.”

Virgil’s eyes narrowed. “Are you on something? Because if you are, Scott’s going to kill you, and once I’m awake, I’ll resuscitate you so I can kill you again.”

“That’s violence, bro. It’s cool, I promise.”

An arched eyebrow that almost hurt. “What did you do, Alan?”

“Nothing. Well, nothing you aren’t already doing.”

“You drank coffee.”

“Noooooooo.”

“What did you do?”

“A little caffeine is all.”

The arched eyebrow flipped into a frown. “How much?”

“Enough.”

Virgil’s back straightened. “Alan.”

“I’m fine, bro, I promise. I know what I’m doing. I’m not stupid.” A blond frown. “Besides, it’s not like you don’t do the same with your coffee after coffee after coffee technique.”

Virgil’s lips thinned, but to be honest, the kid was right, he didn’t have a leg to stand on. But... “You’re not yet an adult, Alan.”

“Yet, I take the responsibilities of an adult, Virgil.”

“Your body isn’t fully mature!”

“Well, thanks for that, Doctor Virgil!”

“You have to look after yourself!”

“Hard to do anything else when I have four brothers mother-henning me all the time!”

“We worry about you!”

“Well, don’t! I can look after myself.”

“Alan!”

“Virgil!”

“Hey! What the hell is going on here?!”

Virgil found himself looming over his little brother, one brain cell after another slowly catching up with what the hell was going on. Bright blue eyes were staring up at him defiantly, his little brother’s shoulders tight and fists clenched at his sides.

Virgil forced his own fists to uncurl. There was a reason why he preferred not to see this time of day. Disturbed sleep disturbed his calm, his control, and things like this happened.

Scott loomed over the both of them and Virgil took a step back, slumping back onto his seat and hulking over his coffee almost in a pout. “Better ask Alan, he’s the one being stupid.”

“Speak for yourself, Virgil.”

“Both of you, shut it.” Scott could glare with the best of them, but Virgil had exhausted what little energy he had and ignored him. “Alan, dosed himself with caffeine.”

“Virgil!”

He could feel the laserbeams shooting out of Scott’s eyes switching targets and landing on Alan. There was no satisfaction, just blergh. Here we go.

And sure enough, Scott started in on his little brother. There was, of course, shouting. Virgil idly wondered how come Scott got to yell and he didn’t. But then Virgil didn’t really like yelling anyway.

Coffee. Its warmth drifted down his throat and spread into his bones. Oh god, he needed it. Maybe a second one after this? But then the word ‘caffeine’ came up amongst the explosions beside him and he reconsidered. No need to become a target himself.

He let his foggy mind drift a little. It was all his fault really. He could have gone to bed early, but he had made the mistake of getting into a discussion online with an engineering idiot. The topic had become heated, chemical formulas launched like bombs and laced with reactive equations enough to take out half the engineering community. In the end, he’d thrown a hissy fit and sat up to three am writing up his argument. He’d chucked it onto his blog with a great deal of satisfaction and was looking forward to rubbing it in the man’s face.

Just as soon as he could boot his brain.

Coffee, give me strength.

Gordon wandered in at some point, a damp towel around his neck. Being Gordon, he prodded the conflagration in progress and got burnt. The argument became three sided.

Virgil considered snoozing on the counter.

Then he hit on the idea that he could possibly sneak back to bed. He stood up slowly.

Brains bounded into the room, tablet in hand. “Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Brilliant, so b-brilliant!”

The argument came to a sudden halt, four pairs of eyes turning towards the engineer.

The engineer didn’t notice, eyes glued to his tablet. Max bounded in behind him, whirring excitedly. It was the robot who prevented the distracted Brains from walking into the kitchen counter.

“Oh, thank you, M-Max.” His eyes didn’t leave the tablet. “Did you see the p-polymer ratio? Amazing! Such elegance. You know, I am quite d-disap-pointed that I didn’t think of this myself. The applications are going to b-be in-numerable.”

The distraction was enough to break the fuel lines of the argument and Scott settled for a final threat, Alan a final glare and Gordon, a snort of derision. The moment to escape was lost and Virgil slumped where he sat.

Damn.

“Virgil, you going to eat before we run?”

Alan was right, Scott mother-henned.

“Maybe.” Ugh, c’mon coffee kick in. He needed operational braincells.

Scott was peering closely at him. “Earth to Virgil.”

“Shut up, Scott. You got me up at the ass end of the day, I’m here. Don’t expect much more.”

His brother grinned, and Virgil had the odd urge to thump him. Just because this was his element, didn’t mean he had to be a smart ass about it. “Your next physical is going to be hell.”

The grin faltered. Aah, that’s better. Hmm, perhaps his brain was slowly booting. Go, coffee.

“Virgil! You h-have to see these equations. They are brilliant!”

What? Brains’ tablet shifted the remains of his coffee to one side and Virgil found himself staring at a series of numbers that made little sense at this time of the morning. “Brains, looks great. Can I review them later? I’m not all here yet.”

The engineer didn’t appear to hear him. “Look at the polymer decay to reaction ratio! This is a self-healing polymer!”

Huh? He frowned and forced himself to focus. The appropriate neurons clicked into place in his brain and suddenly what he was seeing made sense.

Shit.

He grabbed the tablet, eyeing the equations and spinning calculations in his head. Brains was right. This was perfect. The polymer would be able to self-heal with the application of a mild electrical current. Give it a pattern to follow and it would populate and keep it populated, even after disturbance.

“Did you discover this, Brains?” He frowned. There was something familiar about this. Maybe they had discussed it recently.

“Oh, no, this is V. T. Green. The man is brilliant.” There was that word again. Brilliant.

But it still took a second for it all to click into place.

V. T. Green was his blog. V. T. Green was his pseudonym online, used for obvious reasons to keep his identity hidden. The blog had been for amusement originally. A place to stash his favourite music and art, but at some point, he had found himself venturing into engineering circles and getting into discussion with the online community. It made for interesting discourse and he was able to keep up to date with some of the latest innovations. Not that he could share his own much and IR was well ahead of the majority of the world thanks to one Hiram Hackenbacker, but on occasion he would fiddle with ideas and make suggestions. It was also a great place to postulate out-there concepts.

The equations on Brains’ tablet were Virgil’s.

“Where did you get these?”

Brains was full of far too much energy for this time of the morning. “Green p-posted them during the night and they have h-hit the world by s-storm.”

“What?”

Brains frowned at him. “Haven’t you heard of V. T. Green, Virgil? He is o-one of the leading engineers on this p-planet. I have been f-following his b-blog for over a year n-now. You r-really m-must check it out.”

“Um, must have missed that one.”

“H-how could you m-miss such an important s-site? I know you k-keep up to date. The man is at the centre of a massive discussion about polymer cohesion and decay. Last night, Coloncous in Spain had the nerve to challenge him in the most ridiculous manner. I was so close to cutting him off myself, he was embarrassing us all, but Green replied with this. As expected, it is a brilliant explanation and Coloncous had no choice but to concede and crawl back into the hole he should never have come out of in the first place. He was a fool to think he could go up against Green. But this solution has so many possibilities. Do you realise this could be integrated into Two’s cahelium hull and she would be able to heal damage midflight? Four would be able seal herself in an underwater emergency. So brilliant.”

Virgil stared at the engineer. He didn’t think he had ever heard Brains say so many words in a row. And his stutter had disappeared two sentences in.

“What did you say about sealing Four, Brains?” Gordon’s ears had obviously pricked up at the mention of his ‘bird.

Brains’ attention was immediately drawn to the aquanaut, his verbal diarrhoea spilling all over Gordon and freeing Virgil.

Taking the opportunity, he pulled out his phone and brought up the website.

Shit!

He had notifications enough to clog his inbox. Due to the early hour, his phone was still on silent and he hadn’t heard any of them. A quick glance identified several prominent names and universities.

Shit. His eyes widened.

He glanced up at his family who were now eagerly discussing safety seals for Thunderbird Four. Even Scott’s eyes were wide and enthusiastic.

Shit.

Um.

Yeah.

He needed more coffee.

-o-o-o-

V.T. Green (one of my absolute favourites :D)

[popculturebuffet]

Amphiba: True Colors Review or FINALLY THE  FINALE

We’re finally here all you happy people! Ten Months, 36 episodes, 20 half hours, a lot of gay subtext, a lot of bloodshed, and a lot of build up have lead us all here! One absolutely STUFFED finale: A trust is betrayed, a rebllion is had, a conquerer rises and NOTHING will ever be the same.. and yes htat’s thrown around a lot but this is one of those times where NOTHING WILL BE THE SAME. This is that kind of finale folks. 

But before I can get into all the juicy stuff you’ve been waiting for there’s a few things to discuss.. and the first is obviously the fact we had to wait three goddamn extra weeks to get here after spending all season leading up to this. 

You all know the story by now. Hell I even angirly ranted about it when it happened and rightfully so. But frankly the colossal delay is going to be such an integral and permeant part of this episode and this show’s history that not talking about it in this review would do it a diservice: So to recap: The finale was posted to air  May 1st, a weak after “The Dinner/Battle of the Bands”. I had it set in my schedule, it showed up in that month’s press release of Disney Channel Episodes, We were all ready to go with all the tight and intense build up leading up to this. 

Then the worst happened and Disney aburbtly, and with a funny face image trying to play it off as a joke annoucned via it’s animation twitter the episode would be delayed. Now in fairness to the twitter person there, they were PROBABLY trying to help massage a blow... but seriously dude, read the room next time.  Thankfully creator Matt Braly stepped in and explained it was technical delays. After what happened the next day I ASSUMED he was just trying to cover for them as it would turn out the episode was finished.. turns out, and I had to edit the review to reflect this the truth was somewhere in the middle. Edits were more discussed, likely due to the episodes very violent nature, and the episode was given a content warning. Given what happens.. I can’t blame Disney for wanting one or for thinking of editing it.. but canblamehtem for the “Things that could’ve been brought to my attention YESTERDAY’ nature of the edist and the insuing delay. 

I can also blame them for leaking the episode on ITUNES. Yeah if they were REALLY concenred abotu content then they would’ve held off longer and not brought this up five minutes before it aired, delaying the episode for many. Hell I DEFENEDED them in the original version of this, but they had MONTHS of this episode being in production to fucking say something. WHy do this five mintues before it’s finished? 

It just smacks of laziness and overly panicy stuff. A content warning would’ve been FINE. You ahve it for racisim on Disney Plus, just put one here and call it a day. You haven’t objected to the horrifying content in the series up to this point why start NOW.  And they STILL never apologized. For any of this. For the leak, for the delay, never properly explaining the delay (Matt didn’t either.. but given how twitchy comapnies can be about what their creators say, I can’t blame him for not wanting to clarify it was a post credit’s thing till closer to airtime), just in general not giving a shit abotu the kids or adults watching this. Just because kids watch thiis dosen’t me older kids don’t have social media, and it dosen’t mean teens don’t. If you want to pretend us adults watching this don’t exist.. fine. It sucks but I can’t do anything. But do not do this shit to kids and then not go to them. And again Matt could’ve.. but it’s not his fucking job. His job is to make a show, help make sure it gets to air and be a sweeheart. YOURS is to make sure things run smoothly and when their is a hickup,get your house in order. 

Matt shoudln’t of HAD to beg people not to watch it. Various va’s for the show shoudln’t of HAD to record funny messages.. it was appricated but it’s not thier job to prevent this from spreading. It’s yours. It’s yours to open your damn eyes and see adults and older teens watch this stuff too and to head that shit off. This incident is going to stick in my craw for god knows how long and ALMOST convinced me not to cover Owl House weekly (I still woud’ve likely done a review on each half of the season). I ended up renegeing on that and will be starting regular coverage of that in June and continuing coverage of this show whenever it returns.. but it was close. 

And it’s ultimately YOU GUYS that kept me hanging in there. It was thanks to a Disney show this blog exists in the first place, and contiunes to get the bulk of it’s viewers. It’s how I got my patreon, biggest fan and bfinacial backer Kev. I’ts why I can do what I love, talking about and analyzing stuff I enjoy and ocasionally loathe. You guys came back week after week for my ducktales reviews and stayed for Amphibia. I”m sure i’ll get even more for Owl House. It’s thanks to all of you I can keep going despite the hardships, the lack of patreons, the long nights, the weird sleep schedules. I wouldn’t of made it through 20 weeks of awesome tv without you. So for you, and for myself, i’ll hang in there but I expect better Disney. And i’m damn well gonna get it. So join me under the cut as the world turns upside down.. and there are a LOT of spoilers. Seriously if you want to wait for the tv airing do not go under the cut

So we open with a flashback to 8 months ago, the day all this began: Marcy was working in the library on her cram classes, getting texts from both Sasha, who was excited about Anne’s birthday, and her own father who wants her to come home right away as there’s something important they need to discuss. 

But before she can a book about the strange and what not naturally slips out and Mar-Mar can’t help but thumb through it.. and as you were no doubt dreading.. finds the box which is said in a large tv friendly caption to lead to other worlds. 

Naturally Marcie is intrigued and snaps a pick and heads home... and we cut to the END of that conversation as she tearfully runs out of the house , refusing to accept what they’ve told her and her dad coming off hella unsympathetic with his overly harsh tone, especially since we DO find out what he told her... and it’s a lot to put on her and a lot to just say “accept because I helped make you for all of two unsatisfying minutes. “ 

So while running away she passes the box.. and sets the events from both the show’s opening and the flashback from the last finale in motion. Marcy sent them here on purpose.

Yeah needless to say I DIDN’T see this coming. And it seems obvious in hindsight: Marcy being the one most desperate to keep thier friendship together, as we’ll see at it’s worst through this episode, her barely mentioning going home, and most tellingly the only things she talks about from earth were Anne, Sasha and her dorky intrests. All the things closest to the heart and that she’s most likely to make out with.. but while Anne brings up earth stuff every so often even after getting more screen time in Season 2b... Marcy NEVER talks about that kind of stuff. She has her girlfriends and a real life fantasy novel right here... but she DOSEN’T miss her parents or earth itself. And given her life was already shown to be as an outcast with only two people carring about her, three with her mom now we know, who never REALLY fit in and whose on friends very clearly didn’t share her intrests.. it probably made it all the more tempting: a real adventure, an escape from her problems, and a way to start over: become who she always PLAYED and not who she was. Everything just.. snaps into place with this revelation and makes Marcy an all the more heartbreaking character... even more so soon enough when we find out what her overall plan was. 

But that’s half an episode away: for now our party returns on Joe to Newtopia.. though clumsly. Marcy admits that they probably can’t fit more people on him. But with this our heroes are ready to finish this story and with a plan since obviously they can’t just walk into town with two wanted crminals: Marcy will present the box and THEN sasha and grime, who will cloak themselves to avoid attracting attentions, with literal cloaks Marcy hasn’t made a cloaking device yet, so hopefully they’ll get a pardon. 

Inside Sprig and Anne talk, with Sprig admitnig he’s sad this is the last adventure.. but Anne has hope. After all they have a way home now and that portal goes both ways. She can hop back any time and vice versa. This sin’t goodbye.. it’s just goodbye for now. And i’ts something I genuinely didn’t think of.. and not just because Andrias’ shady actions and Sasha and Grime’s machinations meant this was NEVER going to end well. 

Speaking of Sasha and Grime’s machinations those come to a head: As our heroes enter the castle, greeted by Lady Olivia, and we get our typical end of the RPG speech from the “Good” king.... Sasha swipes the box and Grime uses the hammer to knock everyone off ballance. The coup the two have been cooking up has come to pass. 

Anne and Marcy’s reactions.. are telling: Anne is utterly pissed at the betryal and done with Sasha and Marcy is begging both sides to stop as this was not how it was supposed to end. Sasha tries to use a box as a baranging chip, and plans to destroy it if Andrias dosen’t surrender despite destroying her way home. Given it’s implied her home life isn’t great either and she gets to rule an empire instead of a school, it’s easy to see why. 

Grime stops him from calling her bluff though by wacking him in the shins and then hodling him at hammer point to get the military of Newtopia to stand down while his covert Toad agents reveal themselves and runamuck. Grime has won. 

Anne meanwhile is livid, with Sasha not quite getting why MAYBE Anne would once again feel betrayed that once again Sasha is trying to do everything her way and once again lied to her and harmed innocent people. Anne breaks off their friendship which deeply uspets Marcy.. who weirldy. ISN’T trying to talk Sasha out of this. After all she gets what she wanted anyway. She IS upset when Sasha tries to send them home for defiance.. but the box dosen’t work for her and she simply has the guards escort our heroes and Olivia out till she can figure this out. 

Naturally though Anne, being pissed, heartbroken and pissed, and yes that was indeed intentional, HEADBUTTS the nearest guard and breaks them out, with the planatrs starting to fight back. Their still outnumbered.. but help arrives 

Or rather the Amphibia equilvent as both wolverines are busy with prep for the Hellfire Gala. Yes it’s General Yunan, who Lady Olivia cuts off probably not for the first time. Your lucky that’s one of her turn on’s lady.

So our heroes sneak out and head to Sals, while the Toads wreck up the town. Marcy... is of course desperate to fix things, but figures it’s easy. All they have to do is free the king, stop the rest of the army from arriving, their an hour away, and cementing grime’s foothold, get her girlfriends to reconcile and fix the inherent power imbalance so a rebellion doesn’t’ happen again. 

But Anne rouses them: They may be a goofus, a quick witted kid, an out of touch old man, a literal baby, am etaphorical baby, and a nerd.. but their a BADASS Goofus, kid, old man, babies and nerd... and two other ladies the toads actually know and respect. They’ve fought worse: Canibals, princess bride references, theater bandits, chicken elder gods, Poly’s addiction to angry mobs and paste pot pete and come back stronger each time. They can do this. They might only be 8 strangers, but together they can fuck up this shit. or to have a previously mentioned buddy of mine sum it up

So with that it’s time to split up gang: Marcy, Hop Pop and Olivia will go free the king using Hop Pop’s acting skills...which actually works despite Olvia’s doubts. Polly, Yunan and Frobo will put the hammer down and give them hell, taking out the toads in the city and drawing all of them away from the gate where Spriganne will trigger it thus saving the day. 

Meanwhile Sasha is feeling discontent. She got everything she wanted.. but she didn’t think about what to DO with all that power. At home she could do all sorts of things ruling a school but now she’s lost one of the loves of her life. Without Anne and Marcy i’ts just empty. Even Grime’s utterly heartfelt gift of an emerald sword, he knew she always wanted to duel wield that has a heron on it, a sign of how they met and a truly sweet gesture can’t cheer her up. So Grime suggests redecorating and the first thing to go is a sappy mural of Andrias and his subjects. What they find UNDER it though is horrifying.. and i’ts surprisingly not a bunch of spiders like you’d expect.. but a mural of Andrius as some sort of horrible king with an army of robot frogs like Frobo, with a LOT of frog, toad and newt skeletons piled up. Sasha and Grime are glad they dodged that bullet.. only to find Anne scaling the tower with Sprig, the two naturally going to stop them.

 The two try and turn the wheel, but can’t as there’s a doorstop... one they DEFINTELY saw earlier when looking out the window of Sal’s.

Regardless they send Polly for that.. and the rematch begins. Sasha TRIES talking to Anne.. but given she stabbed her in the back AGAIN for incredbly petty reasons, that’s not going to work and the two get one hell of a fight. Beautifully animated and rife with emotion as the two clash with Sasha DESPERATLY trying to get Anne to stop for a second and listen and Anne rightly refusing, while we watching know our hero winning will spell DOOM for this world despite her trying to do the right thing. Anna and Brenda’s acting here is just TOP notch. In any other episode this would be the best part of it.. but we’re only getting warmed up.

While they fight, we get a surprising and awesome bout I did not see coming: Sprig Vs Grime. And it gives me Spider-Man vs Kingpin vibes really: A rotund but still far more powerful opponent versus a smaller but quicker one. And that’s how even more shockingly, Sprig comes out the WINNER. While Grime has the hammer and more strength and skill... Sprig has speed and thus gets Grime to whack himself with it. Granted he can’t use the thing and comically spins around afterword.. but it proves Grime’s racist thoughts about frogs wrong and leaves Anne free to turn the wheel once she beats Sasha. The invasion is thwarted.

But naturally given the ooky spooky mural and the other hints of ominous shit like the watcher with a thousand eyes, this isn’t the end. Back at the throne room, with Sasha and Grime as prisoners Anne gives Andrias the box despite sasha begging her not to. But rather than send her home right away.. he has a history lesson for her first. And nothing good ever starts with someone delaying helping you to give a sinister history lesson let me tell you.

We find out the while truth: Amphibia was once a technological empire powered by the box, and prosperity SEEMINGLY reigned, and Andrias, much like our heroines, had two close friends, a toad and a frog. But one day they betrayed him, abandoning him and seemingly stealing the box , leaving his mechanical marvels powerless and Andrias bitter and angry. Hence the whole revenge ploy. 

In an unsurprising and invincible-esque twist, he reveals his ancestors were not explorers but CONQUERERS and he intends to finish their work, placing the box on a pedestal that turns his castle into a flying fortress glowing blue. It only gets worse from there: the castle’s awakening also activates factories around Amphibia similar to the one we saw back in “Fort in the Road” that gave us Frobo and it turns out their dark purpose.. is to create armies of unstoppable soldiers to secure his dominon.... and spread it to the other worlds. The reason he didn’t send the girls home is he figures correctly Anne and the others will try and stop him from TAKING it. 

So yeah Anne’s reaction is very naturally...

And despite being outgunned, outmanned, outnumbered and outplanned she plans to make an all out stand. She realizes that her own fight with Sasha only allowed something FAR WORSE to take hold. She’s not WRONG for fighting her, Sasha was being a shithead taking over and did so for flimsy and selfish reasons and she had no reason to listen to her.. but had she at least thought over giving him the box and not simply given it to him to spite her none of this would be happening. So she and the plantars get ready for round 2, with Sasha having her back this time, and Grime having Sasha’s. It’s a really sweet moment, showing Sasha has realized just how much her own greedy and controlling ambitions have cost her and that she’s brought about something far worse thorugh them, and is ready to make amends and Grime as always ready to stand by the only true family he has. 

But before the carnage can begin.. Marcy stops them... and then tearfully turns to Andrias “This wasn’t our deal!”. Andrias, now not having to play nice, dosen’t care and cruelly points out of course he did: He would’ve said whatever it took to get her to fill the box and she did it. He also hints at Marcy’s dark secret, with both girls wondering what the hell he’s on about.. but clearly starting to piece it together, with Andrias cruelly toying with Marcy to tell them before he does.. and barely gives her any time before going ahead with it anyway, knowing she’d be unable to. And with this we get the best line of the episode and Keith david’s best delivery.. and given he makes a fucking seven course meal of the entire second act, yeah that’s a high bar.

"Did it ever occur to you — Anne, Sasha — that one of you knew more than she was letting on? That one of you might've gotten you stranded in Amphibia... on purpose?"

The line itself hits like a sledgehammer. We knew for the full episode she did this on purpose.. but we also knew at some point it was clearly going to come out and hurt them both.. and to see someone Marcy clearly saw as a better replacement dad, someone she thought cared about her and was offering her her dreams for no gain on his end cruelly tell them clearly for his own amusment as he dosen’t remotely see them as a threat.. it’s utterly chilling as it is heartbreakiing and horrifying. 

Naturally Anne and Sasha are upset, Sasha a bit baffled and Anne just utterly broken by this: She’d already been betrayed TWICE by the other love of her life.. now MARCY had betrayed her.. and WORSE? 

And it only gets worse as Marcy heartbreakingly reveals her motivation and what this was really all about: Her dad announced he got a new job and they were moving a state away.. and like I said he’s a prick. Not for moving, that happens and it sucks but for having no freaking empathy about it. Maybe if he took a parenting class earth wouldn’t be on the cusp of a robot invasion. Marcy was about to loose her girls and was desperate.... so naturally Andrias claimed to simply want to take them all with him on his journeys, obviously leading out the conquest and likely genocide part, so they could go on and on FOREVER. And this whole thing gave Anne the plantars so it’s not all bad right? Right? But it’s clear she’s trying to desperatly lie to herself this was all okay as she’s been doing ever since she started this all 8 months ago and Anne pointing out she misses her family, something Marcy never considered given her own reasons for leaving and how Sasha likely dosen’t have a happy family life herself. 

This.. this is Haley Tju’s finest hour. She’s done good voice work before, especially in this series but here, with Marcy’s anguish, desperation and guilt all leaking out as she tries to get her girlfriend not to turn away from her. it’s all just amazing heartbreaking stuff and I salute her and the animation does her fine acting a service and shows every bit of pain in the poor girls face. 

Anne naturally does turn away a bit and Marcy cries.. but Anne quickly recovers... while she obviously isn’t entirely ready to forgive Marcy JUST yet, it’s clear she wasn’t thinking straight and did all of this out of desperation... and that the hulking dickbag who betrayed them all and is gloating about all of this manipulated her, preying on her desperation and anguish to finish his plan.  Marcy fucked up big time, no question.. but ANDRIAS is the true monster here, and if he’s not stopped this world she’s grown to love and the one she left behind will BURN. Anne may be many things: impulsive, kinda weird, easy to anger.. but she is over all that a HERO. And there’s a villian to stop

Andrias, while not seeing them as remotely a threat, does admit this will probably be fun and the fight begins, with our heroes, including Marcy, easily besting the Obsdian Swarm.. as i’m calling them now. It’s a cools equence.. but ultimately futile. Andrias is FAR more powerful than he’s let on with the box. And shows it off by destroying toad tower before coming at them with a fire sowrd, easily swatting them aside like flies. They try their best to fight back but it’s not much use, and Andrias NEARLY crushes polly to death under his fist. Yes a fucking child. What a dick. 

Frobo saves him... and sadly this is the end for our new friend as Andrias is mildly amused that one of his creations glitched.. then smashes him into robotic paste. Polly rightfully calls him a monster and his response is as chilling as it is wonderfully dickish: “Don’t worry, your next”. 

Thankfully though she got out of the way.. because she has LEGS now. It’s also why I keep saying 8 months, though it’s likely more like 9 given it took a month to get to newtopia: 

The prophecy has come true! And while she stumbles for a second Polly quickly proves she can really move, she has an attitude and she’s the fastest thing alive by grabbing the box seemingly winning.. except Andrias has sprig in his fist and is going to crush or drop him ulness she stops. And despite Sprig BEGGING his sister to let him go for the sake of everyone else, like any good hero she naturally puts the box back. 

Anne begs for him to let Sprig go since he got what he wanted and he’s her best friend in this or any world... but all this does is insprie Andrias to DROP HIM OUT A WINDOW, bitter over his own past and eager to torture her some more. This really shows off who Andrias REALLY is now the mask is off; a sadistic tyrannical bully who relishes in making his victims really squirm, revels in malevolence and is just so damn gleeful about it: Not to say BIll Cipher levels more of a cold, cruel enjoyment of things. 

As I said earlier Keith David makes a motherfucking Seven Course Meal out of the second half of this episode, utterly stealing the show now he can play Andrias as he truly is: not skulng in the shadows with ominus hints he’s evil or pretending to be nice, but instead as a sadistic brute who delights in suffering and wants nothing less than everything under his boothill. in short he’s an AWESOME antagonist and while Keith David has played TREMENDOUS villains before, this one will easily be his best if the writing holds. Andrias is Keith David at his fucking best and proves the Disney legend has EVEYRTHING left in the tank even as he approaches 70′s. Jesus I fucking love this man. 

So this causes anne to retreat into herself, leaving us in a black void as Anne remembers all the good times.. and goes MOTHERFUCKING SUPER SAYIAN. Well more accurately super sayian god super sayian, or blueper sayian if you will, but still i’ts a n utterly striking sequence and a clear direct shout out with Anne getting her powers the same way Goku did: loosing someone to an utterly cruel bastard. Same with Gohan’s upgrade to super sayian 2. It’s just a truly striking sequence as she powers up in a FULL rage, DEMANDNIG he give him back. 

Andrais is stunned, clearly knowing this was something she was capable of but thought she could no longer do as the box shoudlv’e drained her of the ablility, while Hop Pop and Grime wonder if this is a human thing. 

So Anne WAILS on the fucker, easily besting a shocked andrias despite his best attempts.. but she tires out and he swats her aside, gleefully noting she dosen’t know how to control it. Sprig turns out to be okay though. Marcy went and saved him while Anne was rippig Andrias asunder.. and then activates the box. Sasha and Grime hold him off while Anne makes a run for it with the plantars while Andrias gives out your standard villian big no. Anne and Fam make it... but Marcy is taking a sec.. and that second gets her GUTTED. Not an exageration or me being a smart ass like usual.. Andrias RAN HER THROUGH WITH HIS SWORD. 

His only response is “Look what you made me too and Anne and crew are warped away, unable to save her. 

So we end with our heroes landing somewhere and Sprig wondering where they are... where they are is on the top of a car on a busy Los Angeles Freeway... and in front of two very weirded out humans. Anne is home. 

So now for the part that wasn’t in the original release apparently: The teaser.. aka THE MOTHERFUCKING SEASON 3 OPENING. 

Hell. Yes. Just a few quick personal notes before we hit the wrap up: I love how the season will be on earth, a nice change of pace, how the Boonchuy’s have very clearly warmly welcomed the plantars, the expanded cast at the title card, and how Disney just let them go ALL out for this one. They’ve clearly stopped being cheap assholes when it comes to letting intro’s change or at the very least got this was the very end of the series and thus important enough to gussie up. But yes the end is nigh.. and probably not till late this year if this year AT ALL And I will return for it. Well return to doing this show anyway, i’m not going anywhere. They’ll have to pry this blog from my cold dead hands. 

Final Thoughts:

This episode is the series best so far. My only honest complaint is the Toad Invasion comes and goes really quickly and I question why it was crammed into half the episode. Don’t get me wrong, Andrias’ rise needed the full 10 minutes, but I question why we dind’t get an episode before this settingit up and THEN have it happen over half an episode, epsecially since we spent an entire episode on getting the other toad barons involved only for ONE of them to show up for all of five minutes. 

Otherwise though? Yeah no notes. The cast is at the top of their damn game, with Brenda Song, Hailey Tju and Keith Motherfucking David as the standouts, the animatoin is likewise, and it pays off a thing or two you wouldn’t expect like the acting episode. This is a truly outstanding finale, one that has now joined other all time faviorite season finales such as “You’re In Control”, “Reunited”, “The Crossroads of Destiny”, and “Moonvasion”. I will be watching this again when it comes to Disney Plus. Masterful stuff.

As for the season as a whole.. this was a great season. While it did start a bit rocky with the road trip arc, which I’m still not a huge fan of as I feel it mostly wasted an awesome idea of them going on a world spanning roadtrip with some fairly weak episodes, with the exception of standouts “Truckstop Polly” and “Wax Museum”. 

But once we got to Netwopia it got better, with better spotlight episodes, the pacing picking up and Marcy joining our merry crew. And it hit it’s peak with the second half of the season: the return to wartwood effortlessly combined slice of life with the compelling temple episodes. It was also a nice break before the utter hell that arrived in the finale, but still nicely lead up to said finale.  This season may of STARTED bumpy but it finished at it’s highest point and with one epic finale to go it’s only going to get better from here. 

As for this blog the same holds true: Review wise next week i’ll be taking a break from normal reviews to do a week’s worth of Goofy based content in time for his birthday, from shorts, to goof troop, to hosue of mouse, to an obscure special, all leading up to the Disney Classic A Goofy Movie. So stick around.

And if that dosen’t do it for you I have an ongoing retrospective on the story arcs of ducktales season 2, i’m nearing the end of one on Scott Pilgrim and in the middle of one of The Life and Times of Scrogoe McDuck. and if you prefer weekly reviews, as I mentioned earlier offhandidly i’ll be covering the Owl House! LIke Amphibia i’m starting with Season 2, but just like with this show i’m excited as all hell and hope you’ll join me. And if you need even more I have a patreon, patreon.com/popculturebuffet, where I have exclusive reviews if you choose to back me as well as exciting stretch goals, one of which down the line is reviewing season one of this very show. So join it and if not that’s okay too, either way.. it’s been a pleasure. 

[grimoireofwritings]

Hiii again!! I cant get enough with ur writing. Please if u dont mind making one., again? UMM where Langris is very jealous to the black bull bcoz his s/o (fem) (a member of black bull) and shes very close with them. Or just along the lines? Thank you agaaain!!

Hello again my dear!! No need to apologize, you can send in as much as your heart desires. I am deeply sorry this is sooooo shamefully late. Chronic health difficulties have gotten a bit complicated lately and I'm trying to be more consistent with this blog. Hopefully the scenario was worth the wait!

Also I headcanon William is the squad's therapist on many occasions, you can't change my mind 💀

Scenario: Langris Vaude's fem s/o is in the black bulls.. and he's jealous!!

No matter how much he pushed the aching itch at the front of his mind away, or brushed aside the little intrusive thoughts he experienced day by day, sometimes even going so far as to manifest them in little growls of frustration and the tightening of his jaw... Langris Vaude was failing horribly... Miserably, even, to set aside his personal emotions regarding the whereabouts of his partner.

She... With those gorgeous (e/c) sparkling hues that always lit up at the sight of something she loved.. and the way the sunlight often glimmered so flawlessly against the soft sheen of her hair - was far too beyond his reach for his comfort. Not only that, it completely wracked at his nerves on a daily basis.. that he... That person.. got to see her and her beauty far more than Langris ever did.

His brother. And the black bulls in general. So unworthy of her presence, her stunning grace. Not only that, he knew about his damn brother. And even he had to admit that he'd be a blind fool not to recognize such a gorgeous woman in his proximity. Considering that shameless flirting habit, it made him grit his teeth knowing that Finral was inevitably wooing her on a daily basis. Beyond his control.

"Does he even realize how lucky he is to be graced with her mere presence?? So undeserving.."

This had been Langris' current obsession for about a month now, and it haunted him, even going as far as losing sleep against his own will. It was getting to the point that he was grinding his teeth and mumbling to himself, much to the dismay and terror of his subordinates as he passed them by in the HQ's long hallways... Probably fearing for their lives being so close to his dangerous aura, permeating off of him like a toxin.

But after one last all-nighter of complete mental torture, he was done in, he had finally caved. It took a lot, and I mean a shit load of stress to force Langris into swallowing his pride. Something he was about to do that morning.

He knew Captain Vangeance was up, even at this ungodly hour. The man seemed to enjoy getting up at the crack of dawn to get a head start on his work load, for the sake of having spare time in the evenings to tend to his private garden. Yet here was he, concerningly deep and dark bags under his eyes, as he paced and debated with himself outside the Captain's door to his office, feeling held back by his own dignity on the line to actually knock.

Eventually though, his choice was made for him, as his mumbling was interrupted by the door opening up. There was his Captain, the same trademark amiable smile on his face as he appeared before him, seemingly in a bit of a preoccupied hurry. He halted completely though upon spotting his Vice Captain, raising a brow, before his expression immediately faltered into a look of concern at the sight of Langris appearing so unhinged. Was something going on that he had failed to notice?

"Langris, good morning. You look troubled. Is there something I can help you with?" He tilted his head expectantly, a friendly and welcoming look in his eyes behind that mask of his. Langris bit his lip.. somehow the open offer made him feel even more on edge than he'd expected. Geez.. why did his Captain have to be such an insufferable softie??

Giving a few reluctant grumbles, the shorter spacial mage gave a slow nod. "Yeah... I came for some.. advice" he said, begrudgingly managing to spit out the last word distastefully. And to his slight surprise, Vangeance didn't hesitate to give a nod and he opened up the door to his office, offering the space for the two of them. "Of course. Step inside."

There was a bit of an awkward quietness as they did just that, Langris being sure to avoid eye contact - as he instead focused on the sensation of a crisp breeze passing by through the opened windows and the faint scent of the flowers William cared for in his office. It brought "life" to the space, the Captain had said.. it had made Langris scoff.

He watched Vangeance approach his desk, but instead of circling around to take a seat, he settled for leaning back against the wooden mahogany top, letting it support his weight. "Alright. What's on your mind?" He asked. It honestly sometimes amazed Langris how the Captain managed to speak in a way that was both gentle and calming, yet straightforward and confident.

"I... Have.... A girlfriend..." He started after an agonizingly long pause. Each word seemed so painfully difficult to force out through gritted teeth. But after another few passing moments, the image popped into his tormented mind again. Finral... That ridiculous, stupid, idiotic grin on his face as he flirted in the most unbecoming, disrespectful way to his precious y/n. And that was it - his resolve broke. And his insecurities became less important than his need to vent.

"She's with the black bulls. She's a magic knight under Yami and... Sometimes I just get so pissed off that my damn good for nothing brother gets to spend far more time with her than I ever can. I'm so busy and swamped with work here that I hardly even have time to make plans.. and take her on dates. I want to treat her with the respect and care she deserves, but.. I can't. And that makes me afraid."

He was gritting his teeth, utterly humiliated as tears began to prick his eyes. Why? He figured it was probably because he hadn't actually talked about his feelings with someone in ages. Perhaps he'd repressed more than he realized.

"Afraid she'll abandon you for something or someone else..?" William prompted gently. And Langris nodded. "Yeah.. I mean, my brother. We all know he was the one out of my family that our peers preferred. I was better, I was praised, I was rewarded on a materialistic level for talent. But I was never.. liked. In the way he was. With that whole soft hearted sensitive guy display. She's around him, all day, every day.. and I just... I..."

He finally cracked a bit more and planted his face in his hands, unable to finish. Completely destraught. And he was forced in that moment to face his own inner ugliness - the insecurities and jealousy he felt so much shame for harboring at all.

William gave him a brief moment, both to ensure he had finished saying all he needed to express, and to truly consider those words. He hummed. "I see. It seems this is something that's been deeply disturbing you and impacting your health, even. A very painful and helpless situation, by the sound of it. It pains me to see you so destraught, Langris."

For a moment, as Vangeance removed his mask and placed it neatly beside him, Langris mistook a look of sympathy and empathy in those eyes for something as disgusting as pity. And he snapped, making an impulsive remark in his state of frightened vulnerability.

"Whatever. As if you have any experience with women to begin with, what with that face-"

He halted abruptly before he could finish. No, that was unacceptably harsh. "I apologize." He mumbled, a moment later. William Vangeance sighed deeply, brushing off the remark. It clearly stung but he was far more concerned about his underling than himself at that moment. "You're forgiven, Langris."

The Vice Captain began to shuffle and twitch nervously, this was going so much worse than he even thought possible. But that changed with William's next words.

"Langris. I think you ought to have a little more faith in your partner's judgement, and her decision making. Despite all the time she spends with the black bulls, and your brother, she still chose you, above them. She developed those special feelings for you, and at the end of the day, you are her person.. the person she loves. Trust that judgement of hers, and that she hand selected you for a reason. Women are smart like that, they hardly waste their time with someone they aren't interested in. I am positive she cherishes you, and thinks of you, every day."

He smiled, and even approached his subordinate with a warmth in his expression. "I think.. perhaps it would reassure you to reach out to her, a bit more. She understands you have a lot of responsibility, but with women, I've definitely perceived that they appreciate even the smallest gestures immensely. Send her hand written notes, flowers, or even sweets. Whatever you know she likes the most, and would appreciate as a gesture of affection. It will remind her that you're thinking of her, and likewise, I'm positive she will respond to you in a way that provides you some peace of mind. Rekindle that romance, and maybe even.. consider opening up to her about your feelings, like you have right now."

Langris interrupted, shaking his head stubbornly. "No. Then she'll know how weak I am" he stated. Vangeance chuckled, his smile softening. "Hmm.. I disagree. I can garuntee you that she will perceive such vulnerability as trust. She'll see that you trust her integrity to confide in her. That will strengthen your relationship with her more than anything else. I promise.. just try it once, and tell me how it works out."

Langris puffed a sigh through his cheeks. "Fine... Fine. Fine." He repeated the word, each time a bit more in defeat. "Listen.. I'll try it, but only because I'm desperate. And because I want to, not because you told me to."

With that, William held back a grin of amusement, and he nodded in satisfaction. "Of course. Hopefully, that will help you out. But besides that.. I think I'm going to give you some time off. Go see her, and spend some quality time by her side. I think it would do you some good."

Langris raised a brow, seemingly a bit confused. "But Captain, all my work-" he was interrupted by a hand, that was held upwards with a sense of finality. "No buts. Besides... Your quality of work is suffering anyway due to your current state of health. I'd rather you go take care of yourself first, then return to finish up your tasks properly. Until then, I'll take care of things. You have my word that everything will be fine."

Langris took a few long moments to ponder this, and his Captain's gesture. He started to realize more and more, working alongside Vangeance, why his squad was so fiercely loyal to him, and that their team was so successful to begin with.

"Alright. I'll accept your offer. Vangeance..."

He glanced up at his Captain sheepishly as he followed the scarred man towards the exit of his office.

"Thank you. Very much."

[fury-brand]

top 10 villains

my brain hurts so this is video games only and the order is whatever and I’ve picked villains that I like rather than ones that are good at making me hate them

1. Kreia - Knights of the Old Republic 2

A cunning manipulator with a fairly excellent point who will forever be the pinnacle of what Star Wars can be when no one’s being a fucking coward about it. Also, the drama? The lies? The being my overbearing mom who can’t love me properly and just wants to drive me to greater and greater heights? All so good

2. Delita Hieral - Final Fantasy Tactics

Delita’s such an impressive villain because like you’re on his side, really, except that he is slipping so far that suddenly you are not. Some people see Delita as a second hero of this story, and that is because he is good enough at what he does to convince you

3. The Practical Incarnation - Planescape Torment

Planescape Torment is just excellent at showing you up-close the fucking horrifying amount of damage you’ve done to people as the Practical Incarnation, and calling him “the practical incarnation” is itself just so choice, what an evasive way to put it. Anyway, Justice 4 Deionarra

4. Sephiroth - FFVII

I am Contractually Obligated to include him on any such list, please peruse my tags on this blog or @cryoftheplanet​ for rationale

5. Emet-Selch - FFXIV

The latest addition to my catalogue, he’s got RANGE. I don’t usually go in for affably evil because it can get old quickly but he feels very naturally relaxed when he’s dicking around with you, yet still overflowing with pathos and human failure when he’s not. Honourable mention to Emet-Selch for being the most likely to call you and ask what you’d like from McDonalds

6. Sydney Losstarot - Vagrant Story

The inverse of Delita in the sense that he’s got all the trappings of villainy but is mostly... on your side? And mostly has the right of it in what he’s trying to do? Except of course that he’ll step on anyone and do absolutely anything in order to do that. It’s ok, I respect his conviction

8. Elizabeth - Bioshock Infinite

OKAY HEAR ME OUT, I know she’s NOT a villain as we get to know her, but Bioshock Infinite is basically just a time loop AU where we try to stop Elizabeth from becoming a villain and EVERYTHING we know about the Lutece’s suggests that this, as her end, is nigh-inevitable! And boy she’s got all the shit I love, from the tragic backstory to the unbridled rage to the sorrowful too-late realization that perhaps another way was available to the willingness to walk over who she has to walk over in order to save herself in the end. Fuck Burial at Sea and I’m happy she avoided her fate but we do stan regardless

9. Loewe/Leonhardt - Trails in the Sky

Staying as light on spoilers as I can here but Loewe’s like the epitome of the villain who knows what he’s doing is wrong and stupid but just cannot turn away from it because of his own darkness, rooted in heinous injustice, absolutely will not allow him to move on and heal. What kills me about him is that it still doesn’t stop him from seeing better paths for OTHER people!!!! I think he’s probably the least villainous on this list if we measure by harm done, a little closer to Sydney, but still going to count him.

10. The Radiance/The Hollow Knight - Hollow Knight

Again, gonna try to stay light on spoilers here and just say... I STRONGLY appreciate the otherworldly jenova-like qualities at play here and the way they integrate so elegantly into such a sparse setting

[jay-and-dean]

Same 3/4 Same names

By Roonyxx and Jay-and-dean

Pairings : AU Dean x reader, Dean x reader

Summary : Two Deans… What could go wrong ?

Serie Warnings : Smut, Angst, hurt (and jealous) Dean, hurt AU Dean, hurt reader… hurt everyone. Swearing, Alcohol. (15.13 kinda spoilers ?)

Wordcount : 3.3k

Note : This is a collaboration beetween both of us. We can’t both edit the same post, so we decided we would post 1 chapter/2 each. So if you want to read chapter 4, it will be edited on @roonyxx​ ‘s blog… TOMORROW.

We both worked as much on this story and it’s the result of both our brains but also both our hearts.

Please, if you want to show love for this story, don’t forget we were together in this.

Part 1 : Same eyes

Part 2 : Different hearts

Roonyxx Masterlist

Jay’s Masterlist

_________________________________

3. Same names

           Y/n was curled up on one of Dean’s comfy armchairs, holding her knees against herself, warming her hands around her cup of coffee. And she was just doing nothing. 

           At least she looked like she was doing nothing, because in her head, she was listing her faults. One by one, hurting herself with everything she could have done better, differently or not have done at all.  

           She had spent nights crying over the man she loved, as he was out with some girl named Lucy or Vicky or anything, was it that bad to finally find some comfort in a man’s arms ?

           Yes it was. Because that was not any man she slept with. 

           And as using her best friend’s double to satisfy her needs was not enough, she had hurt another Dean too. She could remember his face clearly, his voice when he said he loved her, and she was starting to understand why he knew her body even better than she did herself. How he kissed her and touched her… And thinking he knew everything about her made her shiver. 

“Can I come in ?” Dean’s voice echoed softly and she jumped a little.

She was so far in her thoughts that it took a second for her to come back and turn her tired eyes on him. 

His tall shape in the door frame was one of the thing she always loved the most, seeing him come to her, to say goodnight, to ask her if the researches were giving something, to offer something to eat… Whatever the reason was, everytime he appeared at the door like this, it was like the sun was coming through the clouds.

She was far from knowing how nervous it always made him. After all these years, he was still wondering if he would bother her, if she needed space or to be alone for a while ; if she was tired of the boorish men she lived with sometimes. He had never had a woman at home before (Lisa was different, it was her house, it was her life, and the whole situation couldn’t be compared), and a woman he loved like that...

He was wrong. He was wrong each time he thought she would rather him not showing up, he was wrong each time he persuaded himself that she was better without him… But he didn’t know she was just waiting for him most of the time, and so he was nervous.

That precise moment was way worse though. He was terrified. 

Terrified of his own feelings, of what he would find on her, a new hickey, a scratch mark… Because everything that reminded him that his other him had had her was like a stab in the guts. And he will see the mark of his elbow on her face. Hurting her was his worst nightmare. He was also terrified of what she was going to say; of what he was thinking so loud but never wanted to let it slip.

Don’t push her away, his alternate version had said. Do not let our own self wallowing bullshit stop from being with her. But Dean didn’t think of this as self wallowing, just truth, he wasn’t ready to understand how much she needed him yet. So he kept thinking he needed to be a better friend to her, apologize for his drunk behavior and hitting her accidentally. But not once he came close to convincing himself he should try to change their relationship to something romantic.  

He was damaged and all, dangerous and cursed. That’s how Dean Winchester pictured himself.

“This room is yours” she shrugged. “I can leave if you want.”

“Leave ? No !” he shook his head, coming in hesitantly. “I wanted to apologize.”

“Dean…” she started, not feeling like she deserved any apology.

But he came closer, sat on the edge of the other chair, turned to her, and didn’t let her speak.

“No, really. I… I acted like a dick” he looked down at his open palms. “I drank too much and… my behavior was…” he rubbed his face. “I was really rude and… hurtful. And I punched you.”

“You didn’t punch me, I came too close to your elbow” she smiled softly, trying to ease his obvious guilt. 

“No” he grunted. “I was being violent and I was drunk… There’s no excuse for that.” 

She tightened her grip around her coffee mug, what was her excuse ?

“You were hurt” she stated, hoping he would somehow explain why he was that hurt. 

“Yeah well, no reason to make you go through all this.”

The second he said he was indeed hurt, her heart sank a little lower in her belly. She knew it, just, hearing him admit she had caused him pain was barely bearable to her. 

           She bit her cheek and nodded, not finding her next words.

“I… I shouldn’t have talked to you like this, drank like an idiot and leave you and Sam with strangers” he continued. “And I shouldn’t have fought with him… especially if… you like him.”

“Like him ?” she half strangled on her coffee sip. “Dean… I think you misunderstood. We…”

The word we felt like a stab in Dean’s chest but he didn’t move a muscle, patiently waiting for her to break his heart.  

“We had both our reasons to… get intimate” she said with shame. “But that was one time, I’m not the woman he wants, and I don’t want more with him.”

“Sam is making them IDs and a giving them a credit card. They will leave, are you… disappointed ?” he dared asking though his teeth.

“No” she said sincerely, but the pain she felt for him since she knew his loss gave a sad tone to her answer. “I…” she started, her breath short in her lungs crushed with shame and guilt. “I would have gone crazy if you… or Sam… had slept with someone looking exactly like me. It’s your body. It’s…” she swallowed the tears, looking in the bottom of her mug. “It’s your intimacy.”

He sighed. She was right, he hates that, but not for the intimacy reasons... At least it was really not what was hurting that much. 

“It’s not that” he mumbled sincerely.

But when she lifted her wet eyes on him to encourage him to say more, he became silent again and she knew she could wait a lifetime, he would just not say another word about that.

“I’m so confused” she admitted. 

“I’m sorry.”

“Do you know… His girlfriend…” she started and he moved a little on his seat.

“That he was engaged to… the you from his world ? Yeah… Sam told me.”

“I’m so selfish” she slightly whined, playing with her mug. “He was so hurt Dean… If you had seen his eyes, he’s broken and…”

“And I punched him in the face…” he whispered, feeling actually bad for hurting the other him for the first time. “He… He talked a little to me. He is really…” 

He couldn’t finish his sentence. In love ? That was too painful to say. 

“I get why he did it…” he sighed. “It was kinda selfish of him, but why would you call yourself selfish ?”

She looked down, she couldn’t just tell him she had jumped on his double because she couldn’t resist an occasion to feel him, his lips on hers, his hands on her skin... to fulfil her deepest desires.

“He had… Something I wanted” she looked down, that sounded even worse.

“Oh ?“ he raised his eyebrows, having no idea what she was talking about.

Maybe she had a physical need, a kinky desire ? Maybe she just needed tenderness or to feel desired and beautiful… Dean couldn’t deny that his alternate him was good at making her feel special.

“But it wasn’t… real” she sighed. 

Of course it was very real, but the fleeting illusion of having her Dean was not. Because love is not about having and the body is just a part of it anyway ; the other Dean looked like him, but he never lived what Dean lived, what made him, and they didn’t have that history she had with the man looking at her. They never sneaked out of the motel room to the pool at night together, he never cried the loss of his father in her arms after he had to crush that damn pearl.... But as he couldn’t know all those thoughts in her mind, he grew more confused.

“Dean I…” she caught his attention, tears fighting her voice. “I’m really sorry I… feel like crap.”

I feel like crap. That was the kind of things you only said to your closest friends, because it was different from I screwed up or I regret. I feel like crap, was either a confession of self-hate or a call for help. 

Y/n and Dean had a relationship where this thing could be said, he already did, and now was her turn…

“You know, I really over reacted, Y/n, please don’t feel bad because I can’t handle some... things in me” he avoided the word feeling, but put a hand on her knee. 

“It’s not you, Dean, really. I c-can’t get rid of the idea that I abused your intimacy…”

He frowned. Intimacy was a complicated concept for him. Since possession and Hell, since Michael, the integrity of his body -a body that had been cut, burned, shattered, boiled, skinned, stabbed… a body that had been used to kill, torture, threaten…- had never really been respected, and the fact that, without even touching him, she felt that bad for that, made him love her more.

She had always been the only one trying to figure out how he could live the horrors going on, how he could feel, asking the right questions, even if he rarely answered them…

“You abused nothing” he cut her. “That’s how messed up our world is, if I had a twin brother, this idea wouldn’t even come to your mind.”

That was different because in her head she knew that she had undressed the other Dean to see him.

“I shouldn’t have asked him to kiss me” she continued and Dean’s stomach contracted. “If I had knew what it meant for him, how painful…”

“He’s a grown up” Dean stated. “He makes his own choices, and to be honest, I still think he kinda used you.”

“No Dean…” she sighed.

She had understood the other Dean. Paradoxically, it was in their own selfish use of one another that they had found each other, and a bond made of respect and empathy had grown between them. But she couldn’t explain that… To anyone.

           Sam appeared at the door with a sigh. His eyes laid on Dean’s hand on her thigh and it warmed him.

“Everything is ready” he stated and stayed in the door frame for a second, waiting for an answer.

As Y/n didn’t talk, her eyes back on her coffee mug, Dean gave his brother one of these looks that meant a lot of things. This one was saying “It’s complicated but, we will be here in a moment, just give her a minute.” Sam, of course, understood what his brother told him without a word and left.

“I think we should say goodbye” Dean murmured with a heartache, still hating that she looked so sad when it came to his other self.

His hand on her thigh gave a little squeeze and she dared touching his hand for a second, her index finger gently rubbing a freckle here.

“Yes” she just stated.

           She got up, still clinging to the cup in her hands like it could hold her back. Dean followed her silently as she walked to the library, he could see she was a little tense.

           The Sams and alternate universe Dean were in the war room, bags on the table, standing a little awkwardly. Y/n looked at them, their tall frames and charisma invading the room. Sam and his double were facing each other and even Dean looked small next to those giant men. And Dean wasn’t a short man, far from it. 

           They were talking about Hunter Corp, alternate universe John Winchester’s operation. Sam seemed to want to know everything about it, and until the last minute with them, he would keep asking questions about how people dealt with knowing the truth, how financers worked, how hunting was organized. He needed to know if such an operation was making a true difference. But in the end, Y/n thought, their world had disappeared and not this one. 

She didn’t dare walking to that other Dean right away, staying a few feet away.

           His hair were back to being brushed flat on his head, giving him a cute nice-guy look, he was wearing his white shirt and sand coat again, those bracelets she really liked at his wrist. And when he saw her, a soft smile appeared on his face. 

           This little move of his lips was a sign of their new complicity, it was sincerely friendly, and in the same time filled by the emotions of seeing the face of the woman he loved, and that’s how she understood it. 

But her Dean didn’t, a burning jealousy still squeezing his heart. He reached to her from behind and flattened his palm on her lower back softly, just to remind her he was still here.

           She turned to him for a second, searching his green eyes, and noticing that scar on his chin that the other, fancier Dean didn’t have. She loved this scar, she loved every scars on his body and on his heart, even if she would give her life for him to get more.  

“Thank you” she told him earning a light smile.

She was thanking him for being him, and he thought she did for supporting him.

Then she walked to the other men in the room, letting her fingers graze the familiar map-table.

“It was a pleasure meeting another Y/n, a really nice one” said man-bun Sam with an unreadable look. 

Y/n couldn’t help but glimpse at Sam, her own regular friend Sam before she answered, like it could help her keeping her mind clear. And, as usual, it did. The smart compassionate light in his hazel pupils eased her still half-panicked half-confused brain and she could answer.

“It was really nice meeting you too. Where are you going ?”

“Brazil” alternate Sam nodded. “But we still have to find a way to fix our world, and without our trained hunters and equipment, if it is even possible.”

“I really hope it is” she bit her lip, doubting it was like everyone did, but wasn’t it the essence of a Winchester to try the impossible ?

“Did Sam gave you phones ?” she asked and her friend nodded. “If you need me to help with research or anything…”

Both tall hazel eyed hunter looked down for a second in a creepily synchronized expression of light embarrassment. 

“I think…” Man-bun Sam said with that smile that only he mastered, that very polite and soft, but also very slightly irritated smile of his. “I think it’s better if we don’t stay too much in touch, Y/n, Sam...” he posed, evidently disturbed by the use of his own name. “Gave us names and tips, we will do just fine. My… brother needs to move on.” He ended a little lower.

She bit the inside of her cheek and sighed.

“Of course” she stated with all the dignity she could find in herself, even if she felt accused, unable to distinguish her own feeling of guilt from what the man was actually insinuating.

But his next words warmed her heart a little. 

“Thank you for being so understanding. You really are, in any universe, someone noble despite what dad used to claim.”

For a second, there was a hesitation, alternate universe Sam moved his arms, like he wanted to hug her, just like Sam always did, and like this Sam probably used to do. He had lost her too, and if she was this important to Dean… she must have been really important to his brother too.

But he didn’t hug her, and just put a hand on her arm kindly.

His brother, however, he hugged her the second she walked to him, wrapping his suede covered arms around her.

“You stay cautious, Love” he said letting go when his double’s eyes darken. “Especially with demons…” 

“I know…” she said sadly. “I will.”

“Y/n…” he let out in a sigh, taking a few steps back, taking her with him.

He didn’t took her to another room, and she would probably not have followed him anyway, but just a few feet away, so that his whispers wouldn’t be heard if he kept them low. 

“Did you talk to him ?” he murmured, searching her face.

“I… Listen…” she tried but he let out a sigh.

“You listen, his feelings seem to be an issue for him, at least talking about it, even to himself” he whispered, getting a little closer to be discreet. “But you have to talk to him, believe me.”

“Dean…” saying that, she looked back to see the man they were talking about. “You and your Y/n, it’s not Dean and me, he doesn’t…”

“He doesn’t what ?” he cut her, shaking his head a little in disapproval. “You… You’re a lot like him actually.”

She lifted her eyes to dive in his, her face stern, she didn’t know what that meant, but be like the man she admired the most could only be a good thing.

“He needs you” he insisted a little louder and she hushed him.

“He doesn’t, you don’t know him.”

“Don’t I ?” asked.

This question was confusing, who did understand Dean better ? Someone who knew everything he had been through, or someone that didn’t but was… She frowned and cleared her throat. She needed to change the subject. Make things right as much as she could, forget about all this to get back to be the best friend possible.

“I’m sorry” she stated. “I feel like I have made things a lot worse, salt on the wound.”

“You didn’t. You’re not allowed to feel bad about it, okay ?” he took her hand, not noticing that this world Dean was looking at them, clenching his jaw, frustrated that he couldn’t hear them. “You gave me closure and I am just grateful. I will be okay…”

She smiled weakly at him and nodded. 

“Dean” his brother rushed him a little, already holding his bag. 

“Yes…”

She turned and gave the men waiting a shy smile, ready to join them, but he walked in front of her, looked at her in the eyes and bent to hug her once more, not letting go so quickly this time. As she hugged back, she looked above his shoulder to Dean watching them.

“Y/n and I were not just engaged” he murmured in her ears, making her shiver. She kept her eyes on the man she loved, he was staring back with his hands in his pockets. “We were… are soulmates. It’s not a way of speaking, Fate told us, Cupid confirmed.” 

Her pupils dilated and Dean noticed it. 

The man holding her finally let go.

“Goodbye Y/n” he smiled and reached her face to wipe a tear she hadn’t even noticed.

“Goodbye Dean.”

           And he left, they left. Escorted by her Dean, they took the metal stairs as she stayed frozen playing his words again and again in her head.

Part 4 will be edited (tomorrow) in @roonyxx​‘s blog

________________________

***FEEDBACK IS GOLD***

Forever Tags : @parinarain @animegirlgeeky @mogaruke @masterof-agony @rainflowermoon @tftumblin @deans-baby-momma @roonyxx @thefaithfulwriter @vicariouslythruspn @emeow1496 @daryldixonandfrogs @holylulusworld  @cocklesbelli @sandlee44 @screenchingartisancashbailiff @donnaintx @hawaiianohana31 @akshi8278 @magssteenkamp @sister-winchesters99​ @neii3n  @lyss-dw79​ @im-a-shrub @sadwaywardkid @hopelesslydevotedtoyou1912 @slyqueenj​ @i-love-superhero​ @waywardsisterandpie @sunsetsandbooks​ @fangirlxwritesx67​ @mrspeacem1nusone​ @stylesismyhubs​ @deanwanddamons​ @jawritter​ @peridottea91​ @chelsea072498 @chocolateheart​ @vicmc624

Same Tags : @olichat​ @starryeyeseunbyul​ @acklesterritory​ @deanmonandnegansbitch​

Roonyxx will put her tags in the reblog

[paradife-loft]

Hi! I absolutely love the meta about NMJ's Empathy memories being unreliable, and it's got me wondering about how his qi deviation and death actually went. Since LXC says he saw the qi deviation (and Fatal Journey says it was in public), what's your take on how JGY got NMJ into his secret room so he and Xue Yang could use the Tiger Seal (and eventually kill him)? Fatal Journey has the Nie sect holding a funeral for him, so presumably NHS had /soneone's/ body to bury, but then in The Untamed LXC later says something like he 'hasn't heard from' NMJ in years and had feared the worst, so things... don't seem to add up? What do you think?

Aaah, okay, so: first off, I’m incredibly sorry it’s taken me so long to answer this, and I nonetheless  very much appreciate your interest in my opinions here <3 If you’re still hanging around/following me/reading my blog, anon, idk how obvious it’s been that I’ve… not been having the best few months brain-wise, but that’s basically all I can offer as an excuse for why this reply is coming so late. Thank you for your patience!

So, okay, I think I’m going to try and tackle this question from a couple different angles. First of all, I think it’s worth looking at the material provided in the contained story of the 50 episodes of The Untamed on its own, to see what that suggests, before bringing in outside or supplemental sources, which is what for this purpose I’d consider spin-off movies, details in other versions of the broader MDZS story material, etc. to be. Also, I want to note upfront that while I do tend to incorporate different details and versions of events from both CQL and MDZS into my personal headcanon, what I write in my fic, etc. because I think they tend to provide interesting possibilities, elaborations, and what-ifs for a broader composite MDZS-adaptation-universe – for the purposes of this post, I’m going to stick to material from The Untamed and Fatal Journey only. Mostly, my reason for that is that there’s a few logistically distinct details of how the qi deviation happens in MDZS compared to CQL – one being, it happens at Qinghe rather than Lanling – that I believe affect the timeline of what Jin Guangyao is doing with Nie Mingjue’s corpse in the first place.

Alright so, in The Untamed alone, the evidence such as we have includes: the Empathy sequence involving the qi deviation in episode 41, and Lan Xichen’s statement in episode 39 recounting that he saw it happen himself at Jinlintai, and that after hearing nothing from/about Nie Mingjue since, he’s been “mentally prepared” - presumably, for the news that he’s dead. What I’m inclined to take from those two pieces of information, is essentially a story like this: NMJ qi deviates, very publically, and at some point while this is happening, he makes a break for it and leaves Jinlintai, and whatever presumably messy trail he leaves in the process ends up going cold for anyone trying to follow, with no NMJ around to be seen. With various factors at Jinlintai invested in retrieving him for attempting to turn him into a controllable fierce corpse, it’s pretty easy to imagine that, besides whatever above-board search party tried to follow him, there would also have been another party closely watching his movements for an opportune moment to slip in and scoop him up to bring him back to the secret treasure room for fierce corpse experimentation – hence why the trail would’ve gone cold.

Now, the actual scene showing the qi deviation itself doesn’t include multiple elements I’m positing or including here – specifically, the presence of a bunch of third parties actually witnessing it, LXC included, and then also the idea that NMJ ever left that one landing at the top of the stairs during the qi deviation at all. But, since we see in other parts of the Empathy sequence that the events shown can be… a bit more impressionistic than accurate; and furthermore since it seems reasonable to posit that the memories of the time when he has a literal break with reality might be even less literally reliable than the rest of them – I think those aspects can be reasonably explained away as that scene portraying more of what the qi deviation felt like from the inside, than what an outside observer would’ve seen. Nie Mingjue’s focus is Jin Guangyao, so Jin Guangyao is all he sees – up until Nie Huaisang breaks through that monomaniacal focus and is seen, finally, as himself.

(If you particularly want to pull out some feelings, I might even suggest the idea that finally seeing a distraught NHS was the thing that pulled NMJ sufficiently out of his rage to be lucid enough to flee – and that he booked it in part because he was terrified and ashamed to possibly hurt his younger brother, whether physically or emotionally by letting him see NMJ in such an awful state.

So then, aside from that: the question of what we see in Fatal Journey. I’ve actually been trying to find an answer about what kinds of mourning customs would be followed or even possible if a family didn’t actually have their loved one’s body on hand to bury, but thusfar my internet searching hasn’t really gotten me any useful information one way or another – if anyone reading has an idea or some good sources to point me to, I’d love to hear them! Everything I’ve read so far seems to very tightly marry the performance of appropriate rites and the presence of a body together.

That said, looking back through the actual funeral scene in Fatal Journey, I also wasn’t able to notice the presence of a coffin anywhere in the set, either? We see a memorial tablet, set up in the front of the throne room at Qinghe, and what looks like a brief shot of some offerings, and NHS stoking the fire, but in the couple brief scenes of the inside of the hall, I don’t think there was a coffin set up there? (Or, for that matter, out in the courtyard which we get a longer look at, either.) Compared to what I at least assume is a coffin with Jin Zixuan’s body inside during the mourning scene in episode 32, I feel like it’s reasonable to guess that, even with Fatal Journey included, whatever mourning rites took place at Qinghe after NMJ’s death, they may simply have not involved a body or a burial at all.

- And actually, now that I’m thinking about it, taking Fatal Journey into consideration overall suggests that it might ultimately be the norm at Qinghe to hold mourning rites without a body present – because per the lore additions in the movie, the Nie sect leaders go down to die on their own at the bottom of the saber tomb, and it sure doesn’t look like anybody had been going down there to retrieve them once they did? So, I don’t know, maybe there’s some sort of symbolic burial of something associated with the sect leader as a Nie custom, to keep things looking a bit more normal and less “we build a tomb for these resentment-filled blade spirits that eat our sect leader’s sanity”, and that’s also what ended up being done for Nie Mingjue?  But, yeah, there’s no real confirmation happening even in the movie that NHS was able to come back with a body to bury, so I don’t think that necessarily contradicts the idea that NMJ could have gone missing during his qi deviation and never been properly recovered for a 100% confirmed death.

(That said, I personally don’t tend to incorporate, oh, most of the specific events or points of lore from Fatal Journey into my own readings on various elements of the story? Like, quite frankly, I don’t really like the movie that much, and I think it opens up a lot more unnecessary character and worldbuilding questions without doing a good job of integrating them back into the rest of The Untamed’s continuity (er, such as it exists XD). So I don’t necessarily have an opinion on whether “the Nie sect generally doesn’t do bodily burials of is clan leaders” is an idea anyone should pick up for The Untamed canon; merely that if you do take the events of Fatal Journey as canon, it certainly seems like it could be a possibility.)

(And again, big, big big disclaimer here that, e.g. if holding any kind of mourning rites without a body present is actually super Not Done, then what I’m saying with this part might be totally moot, and then well…. who knows, there’s plenty of speculation that could be used to cover that gap up – maybe “they never found the body” wasn’t actually widespread knowledge, but rather just information LXC had special access to due to the relationships he had with the people involved? – and some set of people depending on your preferences conspired to get another body to stand in for NMJ’s to allow them to hold a funeral? ….Which honestly sounds incredibly sketchy to me on its own, but considering all the other professionally Yikes-style desecrations of bodies that happen in this story…. who knows? I’m really just tossing out ideas here at this point, not saying I necessarily endorse any of them outside of “I think this could potentially work in some way without being out of character for anybody”.)

Anyway… I hope that answers your question, anon, and is otherwise interesting for everyone else reading? Thank you for the ask, and apologies again for taking so long to respond! <3

[musicfeedsmysoul12]

Flash Forward: Other bits

Lila

Lila was sitting in a white room dressed in a white shirt and blue jeans. She was eating a meal and looked bored as she did so. Once she was done she looked up.

“If you are finished mask on,” a voice said through the walls.

“You can trust me. I won’t do anything!” Lila replied, sounding charming.  “Miss Rossi you do not have permission to leave your room without a mask. Mask on.” Lila stared at the ceiling before a look of utter rage passed over her face, startling the watchers. She grabbed something sitting next to her and put it on, tying it behind her head. It was a half mask, with slits in the front. Putting it on, a click was heard and she growled, the mask showing it also had a voice program as it came out distorted and computerized. “Thank you.”

Waking out of the room when the door opened, Lila carried her plate and utensils, heading to a window in a wall she put them through. Around her others dressed like her were walking around. Only a bare few had masks though.

“Rossi,” one said, walking by.

“Smith.” She responded, heading through the room and out a door, to where a fenced-in outdoor area was. Lila sat on a bench and just watched people before someone walked up to her. It was Chloé, wearing similar clothes but with gloves.

 “I thought you were avoiding me,” Lila said.

“I was.” Chloé said simply. “But I have news.”

“Oh? The Justice League realize they made a mistake and are letting me go?” Lila mocked. “Please. You knew your magic had people listening to you and believing you no matter what you said. You willingly used your magic on others and turned out to be working with a magical terrorist since you were fourteen until eighteen. The one time they let you go unmasked here you used your magic to spark a riot.” Chloé snorted. “You deserve to be here like I did.”

“Did?” Lila asked.

 “I’m leaving next week. Parole.” Chloé told the girl and Lila snared, the sound menacing in her mask.

“You sided with him just like me! Hell you willingly let him cast magic on you- that’s why you have those damn gloves!” Lila said.

“I know. I was a petty and jealous brat who wanted to be special. I was so mad I would never get the Bee Miraculous back, I was so mad Ladybug didn’t like me. So I foolishly didn’t think of anyone but myself and sides with him.” Chloé told her. “It took me nearly killing my dad just by hugging him to realize what I did. Lila, how do you feel knowing your mother is sick to her stomach when she sees you because of how much magic you used on her?”

“It wasn’t that much.” Lila snapped and Chloe shook her head.

“Your mother can’t be in the same room with you without going into shock.”

“Your mother-“

“Is in jail for insider trading and child abuse,” Chloé said coldly. “And good riddance. But this didn’t about that. This is about me and you.”

“What could you possibly want with me? You hate me.”

“I do. But sadly you’re my only friend here.” Chloé said. “And we’re similar. We both fucked up. Difference is I realized it and am trying. I’m getting out. I’ll never not be able to not wear gloves. My touch with either kill or paralyze anyone. That’s fine- I got offered skin right and skin coloured gloves I’ll be wearing. I get to change my name and appearance and integrate back into society as long as I keep in contact with Canary. That’s great.”

“And you think I can too?” Lila sneered. “I can’t turn off my magic.”

“You can control it you just don’t want to. You’re damn lucky they gave you a mask instead of casting a spell to permanently silence you and you know it.” Chloe told Lila who glared at her in answer. “Lila don’t let the mistakes you made as a teenager affect you now.” Lila didn’t answer as Chloe stood and left her alone in the yard.

Alya

Alia was sitting in a cubicle, working on something. She looked different with her hair in a short bob and wearing a set of business casual clothing. She looked fairly focused as she was typing, only stopping when someone stuck their head into the cubicle.

“Hey, someone’s waiting for you in meeting room B.”

“Thanks,” Alta said, standing up and heading to the room. She looked puzzled as she entered it before a smile crossed her face. “Rose!:

“Alta!” Rose looked older, with her hair longer then it was currently, and her outfit a white sweater and jeans. “It’s good to see you! Sorry about dropping in on you at work…”

“It’s fine. I don’t have any cool stories right now- mostly the normal stuff and that’s pretty easy to write.” Alya told her. “Why are you here?”

“Juleka and I are getting married!” Alya squealed and threw her arms around Rose who laughed and hugged back.

“God! You guys beat the odds! I’m so happy for you!” She pulled away with a smile.

“Thanks! We wanted a reporter covering it- famous model marrying a charity worker so we thought of you!” Alya squealed again and hugged Rose again who laughed. “But uhh…”

“If it’s about Nino it’s fine. It’s been years- we broke up and we can be civil.” Alya said in amusement. Rose winced. Alya frowned at her.

“It’s Marinette.” Alya frowned at Rose.

“Me and Marinette are cool too.”

“You guys stopped being friends so suddenly-“ Rose began but Alya lifted a hand.

“No. We stopped being friends earlier then we thought. Neither of us realized it though until after Lila’s bullshit. It took her telling me to my face she was over Adrien and her realizing I hadn’t talked to her about anything not about the blog for us both to admit we’d stopped being friends. It was new kid friend syndrome. We were buddies but didn’t have a solid enough basis in common interests to remain besties. And that’s fine. It happened.” Alya chuckled. “Didn’t know you were still thinking we had issues.” Rose shrugged but smiled.

“I’m glad you’re okay with that.” Alya chuckled and her smile grew.

“Yeah same.”

Adrien  

 Adrien was working in his classroom, marking papers.

“Ugh,” he sighed, rolling his eyes. “What is with teenagers.” He finished the last paper and stood up with a sigh. He put the papers into his desk and begun to get ready to leave when the door opened. “Mylene! Hey.” The woman smiled.

“Hey, just wanted to see if you were staying late. How’s your first month?” The woman came in to sit on a desk, still smiling.

“Pretty good. Thanks for vouching for me. Might not have got the job without it.”

“You could have.” Said Mylène in reply. “You’re a good teacher Adrien- much better than our examples.” Adrien laughed a little bitterly.

“Well not hard.” He shook his head. “... ever hear from anyone?”

“Well, you did get the invite right?”

“Yeah Rose and Juleka. I’m happy for them… just not sure if I want to go. Not sure if everyone wants me.” He looked down at his empty hands for a second. “... after everything.”

“You messed up Adrien. But you were a kid. Rose wouldn’t invite you if she didn’t want to give you a chance. If any of them wanted not to see you.”

“I… Mylène what I was like, what I did… it was wrong. It was disgusting. It took me literally being slapped by Ladybug, by Marinette and being sued for me to get it through my head. Not to mention-“

“That’s not your fault Adrien. Don’t blame yourself.” Mylène got off the desk and went to place a hand on his shoulder. “You’re a good man. C’mon- I’ll buy you a drink. Us teachers are all going. They want you to come.”

“... if you’re sure.”

“I am.”

Nathanael

Nathanael was bent over a desk, drawing something with a focused look on his face. He barely paid attention to Marc who walked in, the man laughing quietly.

“Nath, you’re going to hurt your eyes drawing so close and in such bad light.” Marc told him, putting a hand on his shoulder, a wedding ring on his hand.

“I’m fine Marc, promise.” Nathanael smiled at the man, patting his hand. “I think your husband’s-“

“Nathanael, don’t do this.” Marc sighed.

“Do what?”

“Do this ‘I want to wallow’ thing.” Marc shook his head. “Look yeah you were a shitty boyfriend in high school but that was mostly your own issues being bi and all the crap your parents gave you more than anything. And the whole Lila crap- in case you forgot I believed her to until she managed to say one lie I knew was wrong and you snapped out of the magic when I showed you it was wrong.”

“I… I dunno.” Nathanael sighed. “I think I’m just tired.”

“Yeah well no wallowing my friend. C’mon- Marinette called and she wants to see us before Rose and Juleka’s wedding.” Nathanael looked pleased.

“That’s good. Is she still willing to help with talks about our book becoming a movie? I’d rather her or her boy toy being there.”

“She’s going to kill you if you keep calling Tim a boy toy.”

“She grew over six feet tall and she still wears heels. Tim is 5’6”. I will never stop. Jason lets me.”

“Jason likes riling up his girlfriend. She pins him better.”

“... how do you know this?” Nathanael asked his partner in business.

“I’m married to Roy- Jason’s best friend? We talk.”

“... how much can we use for our porn books?”

“Where do you think half the ideas came from?”

Kagami

Kagami was setting up her office, smiling as she put a photo frame down that had her on a podium with an Olympic Gold Medal around her neck.

Pulling back, she looked around the office and smiled.

“Fuck you mom,” she declared. She looked pleased as she set the final piece down, a plague declaring her name.

“Someone sounds happy,” a blonde stuck her head in, grinning. “That exciting to be heading your own company?”

“Of course. I worked hard for this.” Kagami smiled at her. “And stealing Kara Danvers is just a bonus.”

“You’re only saying that because you think it’s funny.” Kara laughed. “Wouldn’t leave you for the wolves after you saved my ass.”

“Anyone else would have done it or well anyone we know.” Kagami told her. Kara gave her that with a shrug.  “What’s on the plan for today?”

“Well business wise we have a meeting with Tim Drake-Wayne- he’s currently trying to get permission for some sort of body armour to be made for teens that can be a hoodie or a sweater.”

“It disgusts me we need those. Let me guess the government won’t have it?”

“Not unless he has back up, or if he agrees for the military to have it to for free.”

“That’s disgusting and I’m going to rip them to shreds.”

“Yep. And for pleasure, you’re meeting your girlfriend at that waffle place she likes.” Kagami grinned, looking pleased. “And your other girlfriend is meeting you guys later. She’s busy with helping her youngest brother with something- wanna tell?”

“Damian is proposing to his boyfriend later. And yes you can call in with this info to hangs your bets.” Kara pumped her fist.

“Yes! Clark and Bruce’s families finally join!”

“Dare you to tell them that.”

“I will gladly do so.”

Luka

Luka was busy tuning his gut air when the door opened and Nino stuck his head in. “Yo, Luka- your sister is here.”

“Nice.” Luka grinned as Juleka came in, Nino following. “Jules!”

“Luka!” The two hugged. “Ugh, how’s the recording going?”

“Really well. How’s the wedding planning?”

“Better now that we took Marinette’s advice and hired her friend Bart- he’s amazing at it.” Juleka told her brother. “Rose wants to adopt him I think.”

“Bart? Yeah he has that sort of feel.” Laughed Luka. Juleka shook her head.

“Of course you know him. So… dating anyone?”

“Not really. Sort of dating this one guy Conner but we’re not that serious.” Luka shrugged.

“Aww. Hey how about you Nino?”

“Nah man, I’m flying solo still. Busy with my music and helping Luka out.” Nino told them. “Though I do have a date so… later!”

“... one night stands?” Juleka asked Luka who laughed when Nino was gone.

“Yeah. He’s having fun.”

“To each their own,” Juleka said. “... he’s not-“

“Juleka. He and Alya broke up and I will not let you two hatch a matchmaking scheme at your wedding. It’s about you, no one else.” Luka told him. “As well Nino told me there’s some stuff he doesn’t like talking about with their relationship. And he doesn’t want to get back together.”

“... Alya says-“

“Different people Juleka. Different people and Alya may not be saying everything either.” Luka told his sister. “Aren’t we talking about me?”

“You and your music career making a killing while you also run around with interesting jewelry?”

“Says the one with her fancy rings.” Luka teased. Juleka laughed and smiled. “And the fact she’s a world-famous model now.”

“Yeah we are really killing it aren’t we.” Juleka smiled, then frowned. “... heard about Chloe?”

“Yeah. I think we can trust her though. There are telepaths working there.”

“I know it’s just…” Juleka made a face. “Viperion and Black Claws might need to step in.”

“Maybe. Hopefully not but maybe.” Luka sighed. “... I’m glad you saw through Lila so fast.”

“Got lucky with Rose knowing Ali… he’s coming by the way.”

“King at your wedding. Nice.”

“I know.”

[jinfilms]

mobile header tutorial

hello! I’m here to share how to create a header similar to these that i’ve done in the past. here are the tools i’m using:

photoshop cc 2018 (from @birdysources)

some picture of hoseok probably from either twitter or weverse i don’t remember lol

i included pictures and tried to make it VERY beginner friendly, but please, send me an ask or dm if i’m unclear at any point. it’s 2:38 am as i’m making this tutorial and i just downed my cold brew so i’m sorry if it’s messy

1: open your picture in photoshop (here’s the picture of hobi if u wanna follow along)

2: find the quick selection tool

you’ll find it in the left sidebar, fourth from the top. i’ll often use this and the tool above it (polygonal lasso tool) depending on the photo. the quick selection tool is faster but more tedious, in my opinion, but hoseok was easy enough to cut out just using the quick select. use both! whatever u are comfortable with. 

here are my settings for the tool:

i almost always keep it at 3px. unless the image is huge, then i’ll go up to 5px, but never really above that. 

3: trace over your subject(s) (aka hobi) by dragging the tool along the edges, until you’re happy with the accuracy: 

4: find Select and Mask (directly above the image):

and here are the settings i’m using:

then press ‘Ok’ !

5: Select Inverse (right click inside subject)

now we’re going to press ‘backspace’ on your keyboard, and the background will be gone~ 

make sure your file isn’t locked! it should be labeled ‘Layer 0′ and not ‘Background’ (if it’s locked, just double click it and press ‘Ok’ on the window that pops up)

after pressing backspace to delete the background, it should look like this: 

then deselect it all. now is the time to look closer at your newly made render and see if there’s any cleaning up to do. i’m good to go, so i’m gonna continue on with making my header. 

tip: drag the subject (hobi) with the move tool (very top tool on your left sidebar) to the center so he’s in the very middle. it should click to the center (you’ll see the pink line) 

it’s not necessary for the tutorial but if you plan on saving this render as a .png and dispersing the renders you make-- it’s just cleaner looking to have them centered! 

6: File > New 

i always use 800 x 430 for mobile headers. for gifs, i size it down to 650 x 349.

7: resize and drag hobi into the new canvas (Image > Image Resize) 

for single subjects like this i usually resize them to ~300 to ~400. whatever you think looks best tbh

now drag the file from its place up top:

then the file from where it’s labeled ‘Layer 0′

8: now hobi is inside the canvas where the actual header is going to be made~ you can get rid of the render, or save it as a .png, whatever u plan on doing w it

i’m gonna center my hobi for the header i plan on making! from this point it’s just gonna be coloring, sharpening, etc. if you’re interested in using any textures like flowers or bring in other renders of objects, DeviantArt is a great place to search for texture packs. @beapanda on DeviantArt makes beautiful resources (kpop and non kpop related) be sure to credit them or whoever u save ur textures from! 

for this header i’m not going to be using any outside resources, i just want my hobi to be the focus~ 

for the background, i’m gonna use a gradient from this site (this pack is 200 images. phew) 

i’m using no. 200 from that pack.

9: optional- i’m gonna make some extra layers and start coloring hobi using clipping masks. 

make a new layer > right click the new layer and find ‘create clippink mask’ > set the layer to either color, overlay, or multiply (whatever you think looks best and does what u are trying to achieve)

here i’ve just make layers to color things like his hair, his hoodie, and baby mang

here’s with vs without: 

and when you’re done, go ahead and right click your primary layer (subject layer) and click ‘merge clipping mask’.

10: coloring~ 

find a psd you like or being to color the header yourself. for this header i’m gonna be using a homemade psd. i’m not gonna go into detail bc there are sooo many places to find psds on tumblr and deviantart. just like you brought hobi into the header canvas, drag your psd there, and that’s how u apply a psd. 

when u are happy with the coloring, right click the bottom layer and flatten the image. 

11: topaz clean + unmask sharpen

topaz clean is an addition u have to manually add to your photoshop program. u can google how to do it, but if anyone’s struggling i can show u how i did if i remember (but i’m pretty sure i do)

topaz settings:

unsharp mask settings (go to filter > sharpen > unsharp mask): 

honestly, topaz is completely unnecessary, but i like the way it looks so i’m gonna go with it anyway. sharpening the header alone will still give you a great outcome

12: final step, header border time~

over on my film/tv blog @gusdapperton​ i’ve made a header template pack (click here if u just wanna use my premade borders) but for this tutorial i’m gonna show u how i actually made those (minus the cloud one, i was just fucking around lol) (it’s so simple)

>>> if u DO just save one of the borders i made in that pack, resize it so the width is at 800 and drag it to your header canvas. set the layer to ‘screen’ and bang there u go! 

BUT with that method u can’t change the color from white. so if u want a border with any other color, keep following the tutorial >>>

go to view > rulers and select that to show the rulers (duh)

click from inside the ruler (light grey) and drag out your guides. here are where i’m placing mine:

they should ‘snap’ right into place, but if they don’t, make sure u go to view > snap and that’ll fix it. u will know what i mean once u try it lol

select the curvature pen tool (right click the pen tool to show more tool options):

and begin to place your dots. thanks to the guides, these dots will also snap into place

here are mine: 

(i eyeballed the two in the middle, it doesn’t need to look perfect tbh)

this next step is sorta stupid but i haven’t found a better way to do it yet lol

to close the shape just make sure to closely follow the direction of the dot you last placed, then go around to make your way back to the first... it looks silly but like this:

just play around with the shape and the tool... u will get the hang of it lol

now look up ^ and press Selection

then ‘Ok’ in the next window. then boom~ there’s your selection for the border we’re about to make.

make a new layer then select the rectangular marquee tool (second from the top on the left sidebar) and either drag with your mouse or use the arrow keys to move the selection we just made. here is where i’m placing mine:

then select your paint bucket tool (if you can’t find it, right click the gradient tool and it’ll be one of the sub tools, like i showed u with the pen tool)

make a new layer, then fill it in (i’m using white)

you can stop there, but to make that line like i did in my border template pack, press the down arrow on your keyboard and go down 5-10 pixels, press backspace, go down the same amount of pixels, and re-fill that area. 

now unselect. there’s the border~ 

now go to view > clear guides to get rid of those. u don’t need em anymore :) i’m also going to move the border we’ve just made down to the bottom of the canvas since we don’t need that big gap there. 

>>> tip, don’t fill in the white directly on the layer if you wanna change the color. create a new layer on top of the border layer, right click > create clipping mask > fill the layer with the color u want for the background. example: 

it saves the integrity of the shape. if you color fill right over the white, look closely and you’ll see it looks sort of pixelated and not as clean or smooth. it’s subtle but noticeable enough to me where it bothers me. 

since this color i chose is kinda vibrant and clashes, i’m gonna help it out some. go back to the quick select tool and select everything inside your border layer. make a new layer, fill the layer with black (any color will do, it doesn’t matter) and set the fill to 0%. double click that new layer, and a new screen will pop up. go to drop shadow, find the settings you like, and boom. here’s what i did and what it’ll look like: 

now u are finished~ i didn’t do this but u can skip sharpening the header earlier in the tutorial and reflatten the image again to sharpen it at this point instead but, yknow, i didn’t do that lol

here’s the final product (save by going to file > export > save for web)

preview of how it looks on mobile:

background: 8bd4ed

the end~ please send me an ask or dm if you haven any further questions, i will try my hardest to help <3

[keichan]

Paint Me This

Request: DUDE I LOVE YOUR BLOG SM CAN I REQUEST KAGEYAMA X READER?? Liek the reader loves to paint and becomes manager because she knows Yachi and they fall in love and kags tries to confess and fails like the bab he is 🥺🥺? Fluff please!

A/N: AHHH THANK YOU SM! This is my first request ever! I don’t think that this is as fluffy as I wanted it to come out but I still enjoyed writing it 🥺I hope you like it

Genre: fluffffff, pinch of angst

WC: 2262

★Kageyama x Reader ★

”Y/N! I’m so glad you were able to come!” Yachi grinned, beckoning you to meet the team. It was you and Yachi’s second year at Karasuno and you have yet to meet her volleyball team she manages, though now was a better time than ever. Your club that you have attended for the last year had unfortunately shut down due to lack of members, but luckily your best friend was able to save your ass, per usual. Not only is it your first time meeting these guys, but your first managing gig as well 

“Yachi-san, who’s this?” A small, orange haired boy peeked between two of the taller members of the team, his mouth agape. A taller boy with bluish-black hair nudged him to silence.

“This is my friend, Y/N! Since our goal is nationals again, she’s here to help us out this seaon! So be prepared to see her more!.”

“A new manager?” Two boys practically yelled in harmony with each other.

Yachi giggled before nodding in agreement. She quickly turned it over to you for your self introduction.

“My name is L/N F/N. I’m a second year. I’m in class 2-3. Uhhh- I really enjoy painting in the courtyard during lunch so you can always find me there.” You laugh nervously at all the sets of eyes staring at you.

“Nice to meet you!” You said abruptly before dipping your body into a bow. As you drew your head your line of vision met with the tall bluish, black-haired boy from earlier. That’s when it clicked in your mind.

“Kanayama! We’re in the same class aren’t we?”

He automatically stiffened before nodding his head jerkily. A pink hue barely painted his features.

A tall blonde behind him snorted.

“Are you even going to say anything?”

“It’s Kageyama!” He stuttered.

“I’m so sorry!” You laughed rubbing the back of your head. You gave him a warm smile before breaking off to individually meet everyone else. Not before long, practice began. 

Kageyama and Hinata silently peered over your shoulder in the courtyard to see what you were painting today. With your headphones in, you quietly hummed to the rhythm and your brush strokes followed. 

He usually passed you everyday to see what you were painting, but today was the day that Kageyama accidentally lost his footing leaning forward and toppled onto your picnic table, rather hard. You jumped in your seat as the tall setter awkwardly regained his posture. He sent a glare to Hinata who instantly scurried away.

Kageyama cleared his throat and brushed off his pants.

“Sorry, I- uh was tryna see what you were painting there and I uh”

You quickly set down your brush to wave your hands.

“Don’t worry about it Kageyama-kun! You can help me judge this peace if you wanna! Go ahead and take a seat.” You absentmindedly patted the bench beside you.

He stepped his long legs over the bench before firmly sitting next to you. You presented a small canvas in  front of his face and his mouth morphed into a small ‘o’. It was the scenery of the mountains behind Karasuno high. He saw it everyday on his way home. It was a beyond perfect painting.

“Beautiful.” Was all he could manage.

“Me or the painting?” 

He froze in place before you nudged his shoulder playfully. Your eyes traveled from the painting to his with a smile so wide, your eyes squinted shut. “I’m just kidding, Kageyama-kun! Thank you!” 

A small shadow appeared on the boy's lips.

“Of course.”

Now that he thought about it, he meant you.

A month later, it has now been integrated into your schedule that Kageyama sits next to you at lunch time bearing a carton of milk for himself and a canned coffee for you. Some days he chose to paint with you, though his paintings never came out as well as yours, you definitely acted like they did. He was definitely becoming a prodigy in your world  as you were learning his. Anything that you mentioned you like, he’d attempt to paint. Meanwhile, he was more than happy to explain volleyball to you. Sometimes you’d pretend to not understand, only to see how happy he becomes when he gets to talk about what he is passionate about. You adored the setter with all of your heart.

Today the two of you sat against the wall of the school, with a sketchbook in your hand you were jotting down new ideas for personal projects when you felt a weight gently press onto your shoulder followed by a faint snore. Kageyama had passed out, though it made sense with the boys overexerting themselves for the upcoming game. With a faint smile on your face, you slid your phone out of your pocket to take a quick picture of him. He was precious, though it was definitely a  potential blackmail photo. You closed your sketchbook and rested your head atop of his until the bell rang.

Months later and the boys volleyball team had become your family to the extent that it felt like you’ve known each member for years. You knew their quirks, their antics, what made them tick. Especially Kageyama. If anything you’ve been spending more time with him than Yachi. You always put in extra hours to help him practice and study.  One could not be seen without the other. 

Though for the last two weeks you haven’t been at your usual place on the courtyard. When   Kageyama asked, you told him that you had supplementary lessons, though it didn’t make sense to him due to the fact that you have never struggled academically as far as he knew.  In fact, if he ever needed a tutor, you were always there to help him.

Now he handed you your daily canned coffee in silence at the start of each after school practice. Anytime he’d attempt to talk to you, you’d shy away and stutter nervously. If you wanted to blatantly avoid Kageyama after all this time, he was just hoping that you’d be a little more direct. After a while , he finally gave up on showing up to the courtyard for lunchtime

The evening breeze was chilling to the bone as the cold front rolled in. It was now late December and Kageyama was zipping up his jacket to begin his walk home. At the edge of campus he heard his name being called.

“Kageyama-kun!”

He turned on his heel to the sound of your voice with his heart beating rapidly. 

He stood in place until you ran up to catch him. 

“Kageyama-kun!” You panted. “I have something that I need to give to you

The setter dug his hands in his pocket with a blank stare on his face. He tilted his head. “Y/N-san, we’re about to go into winter break, I’m sure this can wait until we get back.” 

However he felt the opposite.

You were already digging through your bag before the words finished pouring from his mouth. With both hands on a canvas you presented it to him with your head dipped.

“Happy early birthday, Kageyama-kun!”

He carefully took the canvas from you and gazed at it with awe. It was a painting of him setting the ball. You perfectly captured his features. The face he always makes concentrating. The details on his fingers, his hair, his nose. Everything. It looked lifelike.

He studied it for minutes in pure amazement. It was one of the kindest things anyone had done for him. The joy in his heart was overwhelming.

“I’m so sorry that I’ve been distant from you lately, Kageyama-kun. I wanted to do something really special for you, though, I’m not good with painting people so I’ve been going to the art teacher’s classroom for lunch. I’m awful with secrets and surprises, so I apologize for acting the way I have I-”

You were pulled into a hug. Long arms wrapped around your body as Kageyama’s head buried into your neck. His warm breath tickling your skin against the cold.

“Thank you.” He mumbled. “I love it. You're the best.”

The compliments sounded odd rolling off of his tongue, but you couldn’t help but smile.

“So I’m forgiven?” You pulled away from his embrace, a sly smile resting on your lips, your faces inches apart.

“Of course, Y/N-san.”

Luckily for Kageyama, mother nature was on his side or else his face would be beet red.

He walked you to your home with many questions in his mind. The main one being how can he make you his?

You were startled to see Kageyama waiting at the gates, you figured that he’d be at the gym in the early morning with the spring interhigh right around the corner.

“Good morning!” He said with a smile painted on his lips. Slightly unusual, but you couldn’t help but mirror his expression.

“What’s got you in a good mood?”

He glanced over to you with the corners of his lips upturned. “So there’s this girl that I really like-” Your heart automatically sank to the ground, but you kept an eager expression on your face.

“I really want to ask her to get dinner with me at this place in town this weekend before we all leave for Tokyo. I think she’s super pretty, she helps me out in a lot of ways…” She must be so lucky to catch his eye. After all, a lot of girls at the school fawned over Kageyama Tobio. The two of you halted at your classroom door before he turned to you.

“Y/N, I really like-”

The morning bell rang.

You rest your hands over his and give him a reassuring smile.

“I’m sure she’ll say yes.”

You quickly walk into the classroom, leaving the setter with his chest aching.

“So, how’d it go?” Yachi popped in front of you as you silently flipped through the pages of your manager notebook, practice for the evening was finally drawing to a close.

“What?”

“Didn’t Kageyama-kun ask you out? He texted me that he was going to do it after break?”

“WHAT?” You shouted making the entire gym come to a screeching halt. Balls quickly thudded to the floor. You quickly used your notebook to shield your face from everyone else.

“Are you saying he didn’t?” She whispered as if the whole gym’s eyes weren’t on the two of you. 

“C’mon guys! Keep it moving!” Enoshita called. You lowered the notebook slightly only for his eyes to meet with yours briefly. With a nervous look on his face he quickly hustled back to his position on the court.

“He was talking about some girl he liked today!” You yelled in a hush whisper.

Yachi gasped. “That’s you! He really did try! Well it was the best he knew how to. And I’d like to say it’s obvious that you two like each other. I’m pretty sure the whole school knows”

Heat rushed to your face and you did your best to hide how flustered you were. Your eyes followed Kageyama as he played with the team.

“I thought I did my best to hide it.”

“I think your three-week long painting project of him kind of gave it away.”

“Shut up.”

After cleaning up, you waited at the stairs of the clubroom for Kageyama. At the top of the stairwell he paused before walking down and carefully tapped your shoulder.

“Y/N, I-”

“Kageyama-kun!” You turned to smile at him, nerves eating you alive.

“I-I just wanted to apologize for earlier. That was out of character for me-” he looked off into the distance with his hand messily running through his hair. “Just don’t worry about what I said I-”

You swiftly walk towards him taking the collar of his team jacket nervously in your hands. You catch his gaze and his speech slowly comes to a halt. You gently pull him down to your face to place your lips softly on his. Kageyama’s lips move slowly against yours as his hands travel quickly along your sides to cup your face delicately. He pulled away with his lips lingering on top of yours, his eyes searching your features for an answer to his silent question.

“I like you, Kageyama-kun. I really really like you. Sorry I misread your confession earlier, I… I uh kinda thought it was for someone else...”

A sheepish smile appeared on his lips as he leaned in to capture your lips once more. Your arms traveled around his neck to gently move into his hair while his hands moved down to hold your hips.

“Well I’m glad that’s cleared up now. Also, just call me Tobio.”

Your eyes twinkled as you studied his face.

“Give me another kiss, Tobio-chan!” 

“Get a room you two!” Tsukishima’s voice cut the atmosphere like a knife. Yamaguchi snickered behind him.

“Shut the hell-”

You grabbed his sleeve and gave it a slight tug. He smiled down at you before giving Tsukishima a scowl. Interlacing your hands together he began to walk you home. You waved goodbye to the boys before using your free hand to wrap around his arm.

You swung your intertwined hands marvelling at Tobio under the streetlights. The walk so far has been quiet, but calming. Suddenly Kageyama came to a halt, pulling you by his side.

“Y/N… Would you uh. Um… Be my- err- be my- uh-”

“Yes, Tobio.”

You quickly gave him a peck on the cheek before walking ahead of him. 

He grinned from ear to ear.

“Wait up!” 

[eldritch-elrics]

this summer, me and my brother watched four whole shows. at long last, here is my comprehensive review of all of them!

in the order we watched them, these shows were:

avatar the last airbender (ATLA)

mob psycho 100 (MP100)

demon slayer / kimetsu no yaiba (KNY)

fullmetal alchemist: brotherhood (FMAB)

they were all very very good!

i’m not going to try to rank them, but, as is probably obvious by the state of my blog, my favorite was FMAB :) if i had to pick a least favorite, then, it would probably be KNY—not by any fault of its own, but just because it didn’t appeal to me quite as much as the others. still a very good show!

i will review each show by:

giving a quick plot-based pitch discussing the show’s hook or appeal

discussing one element that i believe it does better than any other show on this list—in other words, a quality that i think it stands out for

discussing one element that didn’t appeal to me or that i had issues with—a criticism

putting forth my favorite character and favorite episode or arc, just for funsies

including various other commentary. mostly positive, as, again, i did really like all of these!

(i’ve tried to make this whole thing free of specific spoilers, but if you’re planning on watching any of these shows and want to go in more-or-less blind, it might be best not to read this.)

first of all, i’d just like to discuss all four of these shows as a whole! it was definitely interesting watching one after another and noting similarities between them.

all of them have siblings in them! which is, perhaps, fitting, as i watched them with my brother

two include a pair of siblings in which one has powers and one doesn’t (at least at first), and part of the narrative involves getting better at using those powers (ATLA, MP100)

two include a narrative centered around a pair of siblings and something tragic that happens to them, resulting in the older one being traumatized and forced to train to become a soldier, and the younger one turning into something (arguably) inhuman. the protagonist’s major goal is to return his younger sibling to the way they were before (KNY, FMAB)

ATLA and FMAB are both fantasy political dramas, which is rapidly becoming a favorite genre of mine

most of these are historical, or historically inspired in some way, which is interesting!

all of these shows are really really good at character building. all the main characters are interesting and complex, and the relationships between those characters are similarly nuanced and very well written. they make you really care about both the protagonists and the side characters!

avatar: the last airbender

pitch: as the ever-growing imperial force of the fire nation threatens the earth and water nations, a kid from the long-lost air nation turns up and it turns out he can control all four elements and he has to save the world and all that. sorry i tried to write this pitch like five times and realized that well at this point i think everyone reading this will know the plot of avatar

stands out for: avatar has possibly the best worldbuilding i have ever seen in a show—it takes the time to introduce us to so many places and aspects of its world, both explicitly and subtly. the main highlight of this is the magic system. by creating a magic system based in body movement, the process of using magic and learning to use/control it better becomes immediately obvious to the viewer. combine that with the philosophy behind each type of bending and the way that characters take bending inspiration from types different than their own, and you’ve got a system that is complex, flexible, believable, internally consistent, and just plain fun! it makes action sequences a blast. i especially liked the moments when bending was stretched to its limits in totally logical ways (metalbending, bloodbending). not to mention the way that bending is seamlessly integrated into the world of avatar! the example that comes to mind is the earthbending-powered transport system of omashu. a whole essay could be written on that topic alone!

criticism: i know this is a sentiment shared by many people, but the first season was kind of boring to me. some of the humor and the plots felt hit-or-miss. of course, it needed to take that time to establish the world, and it does a great job of doing that. it just didn’t hook me until the second season.

favorite character: i love toph she’s so much fun :) iroh is a close second! and zuko is great, too, of course

favorite arc: i loved ba sing se a ton, especially the episode when they get there and everything feels off. it felt so resonant with real life, in a very fun way. there’s a reason “there is no war in ba sing se” is a meme…

other commentary: what can i say? it’s a classic for a damn good reason. the plot is tight, and it does a great job raising tension and introducing new elements and twists. i also love the care put into the antagonists, especially azula, who has a fascinating arc.

mob psycho 100

pitch: a middle schooler and a charismatic con artist team up to smite ghosts using extrasensory powers. thing is, only the middle schooler actually has ESP, and it happens to be really, really powerful. can he navigate the difficult world of middle school while also getting a better grip on his powers—and his bottled-up emotions?

stands out for: the way that MP100 uses animation is excellent. it takes a little getting used to but it’s just so fun, combining all sorts of different techniques to create an experience rich with drama and emotion. it’s playfully exaggerated and self-parodying, adding to the show’s fantastic sense of humor as well as its truly emotional moments.

criticism: the way that ESP works makes suspension of disbelief tricky. it’s a great feat to introduce a character who is essentially all-powerful and still make them interesting (even in fight scenes), but at times (especially the second season finale) it felt like a magic system with too much breadth and too few limitations. this might just be my bias for hard magic systems talking, though.

favorite character: other than mob and reigen? probably teru. he’s loads of fun AND all the season 1 episodes he’s in slap hard

favorite episode: the one where the girl asks mob out on a date as a dare.. it’s super cute

other commentary: thank you mp100 for being the leftist propaganda we all deserve <3

in all seriousness though, this show is a blast!! it does a great job switching between silly and serious in the blink of an eye. i also really appreciate the way that it balances comically huge stakes with much smaller, more personal stories. for example, the conflict between mob and reigen in season 2 is especially well-done. in general the emotions just feel so real? characters whose emotions tie into their powers are an excellent trope, and mob is a wonderful protagonist who exemplifies this really well.

finally, on a more critical note—there are so many characters in this show! and it feels like only a handful are fleshed out? however, this may be due to the fact that it’s not an adaptation of the entire manga (which i haven’t read). there’s a lot more to go! more characters to dive into! so i probably shouldn’t try to critique it in the same way as a finished work.

demon slayer / kimetsu no yaiba

pitch: demons kill a boy’s family and turn his sister into a demon, so he decides to try and figure out a way to turn his sister back into a human. what follows is a demon-killing adventure that’s in equal parts harrowing, poignant, and hilarious.

stands out for: there’s not much i can say about this other than “please just take a look” but the art and design is phenomenal. it does a much better job of integrating 2D and 3D than a lot of other animated series, and overall it is just so so pretty! all the character designs are complex, memorable, and fit the characters perfectly. the color choices are interesting and satisfying. i also really like the sound design? not often that i notice that in a show. i’ve watched so many KNY amvs by now lol it’s just amazing animation

criticism: the narration style leans too heavily towards tell instead of show. this is mostly an issue with the first few episodes, but i got super annoyed by how much the show would narrate every single one of tanjirou’s thoughts instead of letting us infer those thoughts through his actions and reactions—the latter, i think, would have been more emotionally impactful. sometimes silence speaks louder than words! tanjirou was also not the world’s most compelling protagonist in my opinion, though i think that mostly has to do with my own tastes.

favorite character: *holds up zenitsu* I Just Think He’s Neat. i actually kind of lost it when he first used his powers, like… damn i love characters with weird relationships with their magic like that. i also think the narrative about how having a solid foundation is sometimes more important than knowing a ton of different moves was really powerful. and he’s just funny! pathetic boy i love him

favorite arc: really just the whole spider arc. fucked up man… i love it. they pulled off that last twist so well, and all the family stuff was so weird and complex and emotional…

other commentary: it’s just a really solid and very well-written show! the team of tanjirou, zenitsu, and inosuke is so much fun… bro bonding :) i also quite like the horror elements; it’s fucked up but in a good way. finally, this is very specific, but the demon that can alter buildings/rooms through drumbeats? appealed to me very much. it’s a cool and unique power!

fullmetal alchemist: brotherhood

pitch: two kids do some fucked up alchemy and end up getting parts of their body stolen by god. now they’re on a quest to get their bodies back, but find themselves wrapped up in crazy government conspiracies and alchemy more powerful than they ever could’ve imagined…

stands out for: plot. by this i mean less overall concept (though the overall concept is pretty great too), and more that the pacing and progression of the story is extraordinarily tight. for the most part (the first few episodes are a little weak but i’ll let it slide), it does an excellent job establishing its premise and building on it logically, adding layers and layers that extend naturally from what we already know. everything has a reason for happening; everything is revealed in good time and all the twists are super satisfying. there’s great balance between exciting moments and quiet moments. it’s just very good at being a story!

(fun fact: i’m reading the manga right now and so far it’s even better paced than the show, which is super interesting! it’s especially good at how it lays out pieces of the backstory and then fills everything in later in a really satisfying way.)

criticism: this is incredibly specific but it’s what comes to mind as something that bothered me: winry’s character arc was really disappointing. for most of the series she’s a pretty strong character, but in the end it feels like she gets pushed aside, defined only by her relationship with ed. what happened to her wanting to take action more? that was a specific desire she expressed—wanting to be less passive! since she’s such an important character, i wish she could have had more presence in the last season other than as a sounding board for the elric bros’ emotions. (even though her one scene in the last episode was really good and emotional…)

favorite character: other than the elric bros, absolutely ling. he fits into multiple of my favorite character archetypes (fun, silly, bastard, gets possessed…) and he’s just overall a delight. plus his relationship with greed is really really good. bro bonding at its peak!! (my other favorite is pride. i will not say why because spoilers. but if you know me.. you know)

favorite episode: this is really really hard to choose but i’m gonna go with envy’s death because. holy shit.

other commentary: i’m a really big fan of the complex and nuanced way in which FMAB breaks down militaristic, imperial regimes from the inside. many of the characters have done awful things, and the story forces them to grapple with that and accept that all they can do now is be better in the future. the moral complexity is just really good! characters with flaws—we love to see it!

finally, parts of this story seem so so catered to Me Specifically that it’s no wonder i got so into it. like just the entire premise? the way that so much of the conflict is built out of identity crisis and exploring the nature of consciousness and human vs inhuman? beautiful. i love ed and al so much

*

if you made it all the way to the end, thank you so much for reading!! glad to have finally gotten this done (3 months late…) and put all my thoughts down. i hope this inspires someone to try watching one of the shows i discussed!

[inspired-by-the-music]

For You

Chapter 7: Love

Taglist: @jineunwootrash​

If you would like to be added to the taglist of any of these blog’s works, please ask!

Laying with Taemin should have been uncomfortable because a) I always slept alone, b) I had never been so (willfully) close to another person, and c) we hadn’t known each other long enough to justify my wish to stay so close forever.

When I pointed out in a whisper that we had only shared our first genuine conversation under the moon a few nights ago, I saw the outline of Taemin’s frown in the dark. His voice created small vibrations in his chest (where my head laid over his sky blue pajama shirt) when he asked, “Do you think I’ll have to love you for years before my feelings count?” 

As evidenced by the ragged breath that fell from his mouth, I hurt Taemin’s feelings without even trying. All that kept me from apologizing immediately was the fear that whatever I said might deepen his frown; so, instead of speaking, I felt around for his hand, pressed my freezing palm against his— warm— and threaded our fingers. 

“I really want to know what you think, Lei.” He gave my hand a reassuring squeeze. 

What did I think? 

People rarely asked me, yet I tended to overthink my position on a given issue until I had exhausted every possible opinion. Maybe I was preparing for the occasion that never came— when somebody other than Lucas may value my outlook— until Taemin decided to wear my ribbon. 

Although I had thought of little other than Taemin since that night in the garden— or maybe it started that night by the lake— I had no concrete thoughts. That’s why I stuttered, “I— I don’t know. I want you to love me or like me—” 

Taemin said, “I do,” and I imagine that should have been the happiest moment of my life. 

So why wasn’t it? Why did that ache in my chest return? Why did I long for him as if he were worlds away when I was in his arms? When would this— our bond— feel real? 

“Then I want to believe you when you say that—” I didn’t pause to consider that I sounded like I was calling Taemin a liar— “but it sounds too good to be true.” 

Taemin must have realized that there was nothing he could say. We were at another impasse. Silence fell over us, and I didn’t want it to stay, so I spoke through the discomfort. 

“You have to understand who you are to me, Taemin.” Calling him an idol— stripping him of his humanity in such an intimate setting— was the worst thing to do. 

Tracing my thumb along his knuckles, trying to feel that he was real, I carefully continued, “You are somebody I’ve admired for years. Yours is a voice I cherished long before you had anything to say to me. I loved you before I met you, and—” I hoped he wouldn’t think less of me for believing, “the problem with dreams coming true is that you always wake up or the dream becomes a nightmare.”

Taemin must have been shocked by my honesty. Seconds or hours or eternities passed quietly before he said, “I think that you should learn to enjoy dreams— if that’s what we are— as they happen. I think you can ruin the night if you spend the time worrying about what could happen when the sun rises.” 

Of course, it occurred to me before that worrying achieves nothing. On some level, I always knew that I could benefit from learning to live in the moment— finding that balance between being a successful idol and being a happy person. Yet, it was as if Taemin had turned on the light with his gentle warnings that were always prefaced by the phrase, “I think,” because he was too humble to boast, “I know.” 

I already decided that I didn’t want to be lonely. 

Then, as silence fell again, I decided that I didn’t want to be incapable of appreciating beauty until it had faded out of my grasp. That’s why I lifted my head from Taemin’s chest: I wanted to admire him. I wanted to really see him clearly. 

I didn’t expect that he would be looking at me as if patiently waiting for me to return his gaze. 

Before I could sort through my thoughts, I was saying his name. “Taemin, I just really want you to be here when the sun rises.” 

If he was as shocked by the mid-night declaration as I was, he certainly didn’t show it with that radiant smile. “Okay,” was all he said before holding my head against his chest where I heard it: his heart was soaring, racing, beating for me like mine was for him.

. . . 

Interviews— although often uncomfortable— were never as unbearable as a solo artist as they were as a member of SuperM. Part of the issue was that, without my phone, I couldn’t scroll through social media to educate myself on the popular topics of gossip. 

It wasn’t so shocking when the first interviewer asked if Lucas and I were a couple. That question had been following us for years and (I guessed) the rumors about our supposed undying love were amplified by LX2’s existence. 

I was winded, however, when the rumors started to stray from Lucas. Almost daily, in my place between Ten and Mark (or English line, as the fans called us, since our knowledge of the language facilitated the American interviews), I sat with my hands clenched into tight pale fists, jaw set, as I waited to discover which member I was alleged to be sleeping with this time. 

The interview started, as they usually do, with a relatively unoffensive question: “Who from Korea do you keep in touch with while you’re on tour?”

The host was a middle-aged man— bearded and wearing glasses and a t-shirt— who twitched with every frequent sip from his coffee mug. He listened with feigned interest to the other members who answered with some variation of the fact that they stayed in contact with the members of their individual groups (except Baekhyun, who replied, “Super Junior’s Donghae,” just to watch my fists tighten in their place in the lap of my black skirt), before fixing his stare on me. 

“What about you? You’re a solo act outside of SuperM, right?” It was promising at first, the realization that he had done some research, but my hopes that maybe— finally— I was participating in a legitimate interview crashed with the following question. “Do you have a boyfriend back in Korea that you text every night, you know, just to tell him, ‘hi, I love you, I promise I’m not hooking up with any of my superstar bandmates?’”

Questions like that made my blood boil. He didn’t want to know my answer. He didn’t care who I talked to or who I loved. He just wanted to watch me squirm as he pried into my personal affairs. 

“Yes,” I said as calmly as possible, “I am a solo artist. No, I do not have a boyfriend in Korea—”

He raised his eyebrows, probably, in preparation to ask if my boyfriend was touring America with me, but I continued, “When I’m on tour, I try to find time to talk to Joy of Red Velvet or Amber Liu. If I need advice on something related to my performance, I’ll waste no time in calling Girls’ Generation’s Taeyeon.” 

Why didn’t anybody ever ask about my friendships with those girls? It seemed wrong that everyone should be so fixated on my romantic relationships — of which there had only been one that was held as our precious secret— when I would have been more than happy to share the friendships that shaped me as a person and as an artist. 

That interviewer seemed to share Baekhyun’s recently developed interest in making me as uncomfortable as possible. He asked the group, “So, was it hard to teach your new girl all of the choreography? Just how long did it take her to get it?”

In situations like that, I liked to think that I was somehow misunderstanding the question or mistaking the tone. Sometimes, that was the only way to keep myself from snapping. Sometimes, that was the only way I could sit there, legs crossed, without shattering my perfect posture and perfect smile. 

Ten’s temper was as bad as mine— worse, actually— so I didn’t fully succumb to my irritation when he rolled his eyes at the question. I didn’t acknowledge that I had a right to be uncomfortable, that the interviewer was truly being rude, until Kai leaned forward to tap Mark on the shoulder and request, “Translate, please.”

As soon as Mark translated the question, Kai replied in rapid-fire Korean that I couldn’t quite keep up with, “That’s a stupid-ass question. Lei isn’t in the group just because she’s a girl or because she’s pretty or because she’s popular. She’s here because she’s talented. And we’re not here to answer stupid questions that belittle our members.” 

We all stared at Kai as he sat back in his chair, crossing his arms over his chest and pouting his lips. Ten and I, wearing twin stunned expressions, looked (along with the interviewer) for Mark to translate Kai’s answer.

“I — uh—” Mark stuttered— “Kai said, no offense— I added that part— but that question is kinda— no, really disrespectful to Lei.”

Ten agreed, jumping at the opportunity to strike the interviewer with his sass. “Yeah. For us NCT guys—” he gestured to the other NCT members— “although some of us are older, Lei is, like, our senior because she debuted first. We didn’t have to teach her anything. She teaches us.”

Mark translated Ten’s comment for the others, and Lucas and Taeyong murmured in agreement. 

I shook my head despite the affection swelling in my chest. “No, that’s not true. You guys teach me a lot.” 

The interviewer’s stare was all that kept me from saying that Taeyong taught me about leadership, integrity, and honest communication. Ten reintroduced me to the joy in dancing, which (for me) had become less of a soulful expression and more of a mechanical execution of choreography. Lucas taught me so much— too much to describe with words— but the most important lesson was to laugh like nobody is watching even though somebody was always watching. Mark reminded me that people— some people— even in the entertainment industry are good just for the sake of being good. 

And I loved them for that, so I declared, “I love my members,” including (of course) Taemin, Kai, and Baekhyun (even though he was a little demon). I meant it so earnestly that I forgot to consider how my words could be perverted. 

“Yeah, but which member do you love most?” The interviewer winked. 

Gathering from my glare at his perversion of “love,” the interviewer redirected the question to the other members, asking, “So we all know it’s happening— who’s sleeping with Lei?”

Granted, I was technically sleeping with Taemin. We would never admit it in an interview, but we had fallen into the habit of falling asleep in the warmth of each other’s embrace. Maybe, then, my blush was caused by the embarrassment of a) having such an intimate aspect of my life aired publicly and b) having it questioned with so little understanding and respect. 

Before I spoke my mind, Mark said the stupidest sentence in recorded history: “Look, man, as bandmates we’re all involved with each other, but we’re not, like, involved.”

Ten started growling, “What—” before I cut my eyes away from Mark to tear into the interviewer. 

Of course, he didn’t shrink under my stare or burn from the flames flung by my narrowed eyes. It didn’t matter that he seemed to delight in my reaction; I spoke the truth not for his benefit but for mine. 

“Aside from being disgusting— the fact that you can only look at me and see my worth as some sexualized creature— it’s appalling that you spread these rumors with absolutely no regard for how it affects my image and my career. These guys—” I shrugged in reference to the other members— “are expected to priorities their relationships with their fans above all else—”

“Don’t you think that’s a little ridiculous, though?” The interviewer slurped into his microphone as he took a sip of his coffee. “Don’t you think these guys should date if they want?”

Yes. Of course, I did. They deserved to do whatever would make them happy. 

“What they do is none of my concern.” The words were diplomatic, but my tone was not. “It is a problem for me, however, that this narrative painted by those, like yourself, in the media depicts me not only as a disgraced idol but— more importantly— as somebody willing to squander artistic opportunities by sleeping with everybody in a band. Learn to respect me as a woman, an idol, or a human being. Take your pick.”

My hand raised to detach the microphone from the collar of my white button-down top cut just above the navel, but it paused when he asked, “If the standards are so harsh on idols— especially women— don’t you think you’re obligated to challenge the standard?”

His question— spoken so casually as if he weren’t advocating mindlessly for the impossible— should have stunned me silent. It didn’t.

“No,” I said not because I was the perfect idol, not because I wanted to uphold that illusion in that moment, but because I was emboldened by the reality, “I am an artist, not a revolutionary.” 

Before the interviewer could challenge me further— before I could act on the pulsating desire to rip the microphone off, throw it onto the ground, and stomp it under my unnecessarily high red heels, Mom intervened with the muttered excuse that we had other events to attend. She even thanked that bastard for his time. 

I know that was her job— I knew that then— but I felt too angry, too betrayed, to look in her direction afterward. Our relationship wasn’t even remedied in the car when she returned mine and Lucas’s phone with the instruction, “Behave from now on. And brace yourselves for the incoming social media storms when that interview is broadcast.”

Lucas was so thrilled to have his phone, his true best friend, returned that he dropped his arm from its protective place around my shoulders. 

Instantly my screen lit from notifications of fans’ reactions to that interview. It must have been a live broadcast. Not quite ready to face praise or criticism, I locked my phone and shoved it into the narrow space between mine and Lucas’s body. 

With my face burning from the realization that there would be no opportunity to edit or retract any part of my outburst— not that I really wanted to— I rounded on Mark, who sat right behind me (beside Taemin who, of course, sat beside Kai). 

“What the hell was that about, Mark?” My imitation of his voice was so accurate that in the seat ahead of me, Ten threw his head back in a bitter sort of laughter. “‘We’re involved, but we’re not involved? What kind of stupid shit—”

Taemin had been smiling when I first turned around, but his expression turned to one of complete bewilderment. His understanding of the incident must have been limited by the interview’s language barrier. He whispered to Kai, “What’s wrong?”

As Kai (who had been donning a scowl that rivaled mine since his outburst) tried to explain the situation to Taemin, Mark stared at me with eyes so wide and guilty that I would have forgiven him instantly if I hadn’t spent so many years swallowing my frustration that I could no longer package my emotions back into their appropriate internal boxes. 

“I’m sorry,” Mark stuttered, “I didn’t mean to say something so stupid—”

“Well, you did!” Ten whirled around to yell at him, brows angled and ears crimson. “If that’s going to be your contribution in interviews, I’m kicking you off English line!”

Mark argued, “You can’t kick me off English line! That’s not how it works! As long as I know English, I’m on English line—” he laughed nervously and reached for my shoulder— “right, Lei?”

Usually, I probably would have laughed along with Ten before siding with Mark. Even in that moment of rage, I worried that I was being too harsh on Mark. It wasn’t really his fault that the media (and that interviewer in particular) was so problematic. Still, that concern didn’t prevent me from crossing my arms, turning around and tugging sharply out of Mark’s reach, and fixing my gaze on the back of Ten’s seat.

As if sensing that I wanted nothing more than to go deaf to Ten’s bickering and Mark’s incessant pleas for me to “please turn around” and forgive him, Taeyong tossed me a pair of earphones and an apologetic grin— if you can really call it a grin. 

Even after I plugged the headphones into my phone and tried to drown my anger in the music flooding into my ears, I rolled my eyes when Mom’s voice raised to snap, “Be quiet back there! I’m on an important call!” before saying into the receiver, “I’m back, Heechul.”

I could only vaguely hope that neither she nor Heechul would say anything loudly enough for Baekhyun, sitting in the passenger seat (one of the perks of being the leader), to hear.

Although Amber, Joy, and Taeyeon had brightened my day with their support, I didn’t feel like running to the pool with the guys when we returned to the hotel. While they were immersed in excited chatter, I beelined to the elevator, rejoicing when Baekhyun told Lucas (who must have been trying to follow me), “Give her space. If she’s anything like Momager, you don’t wanna be around while her temper is flaring.”

I wanted to be alone, but not because my temper was flaring. My furious blush had been abandoned in the car hours ago. Mostly, I was sorry for snapping at Mark— too sorry to look at him or even think of him without picturing the pained expression that settled on his face when I yelled at him— and bothered that my relationship with Taemin had been so misconstrued by that gross interviewer. 

Bothered wasn’t a strong enough word, but I don’t know how else to describe how I felt. It wasn’t quite anger; my face would have been burning still, and I would have been grinding my teeth and balling my hands into fists as I pressed my back against the cold wall. It was more like sadness (but without the pain in my chest) because tears were blurring the edges of my vision, and my lips were trembling. 

The tears weren’t quite ready to fall, so I was standing there with hands ready to catch them when he forced his way through the closing elevator doors. I don’t know if the doors were even closed before Taemin had his arms wrapped around me. 

Because I hadn’t expected him to be so close again until the moon rose, I gasped at the contact, too stunned to return the affection. It was over as soon as it started, over well before the sounding of the chime announcing that we had arrived on our floor. 

Neither of us spoke until we were inside the room, safe from prying eyes. Although we were still wearing our clothes from the day of interviews, although the sun had not yet set, Taemin sat on the bed we called ours— which was still unmade because we had to run downstairs after ignoring our first alarm that morning— and opened his arms for me. 

The version of me who crawled to him wasn’t the same person I had been for most of my life. The version of me who was comfortable with wanting Taemin, who didn’t feel weak for leaning on him— she was a good person. I wished to be her all the time. I was hurt by the outside voices that said I couldn’t be. 

Taemin didn’t ask me to explain why tears were swimming in my eyes, but I did. “I know that we can’t tell other people what we have. I don’t want to waste my breath explaining things nobody can understand anyway. But why do people who don’t even know us have to try to take what’s our and make it into something— something less than what it is?”

Taemin’s fingertips that traced the skin below the hem of my shirt were uncharacteristically cold; they made me shiver. “I don’t know,” he mumbled, “and I’m sorry that happened. I’m sorry I can’t carry more of the burden for you.” 

I looked at his face and saw it in the tensing of his jaw: the frustration that he hadn’t been able to understand when I was under attack, the bitter knowledge that (even if he had known) he couldn’t have defended me without arousing suspicions that we were in a relationship. 

Unlike the Lucas rumors that, despite persisting through years of rejection, carried no real weight because they were untrue, rumors about Taemin would have been suffocating because, to some degree, they were true. How would I be able to deny an outright allegation against us? Even if my words lied, my face would convey the truth that Taemin was my first love. 

I was going to tell Taemin that he didn’t have to carry any burden for me— I only wanted him to hold me like this every night to brace me for the next day— but when I looked at him, I couldn’t speak. He was dressed as Taemin the idol, and for a fleeting second, I transformed into the version of myself who couldn’t believe that he was real and in this place with me. 

“They can’t take what’s ours, though.” He linked our hands, smiled brightly, and he was real. “And that means nobody can make it less than what it is.”

Taemin pressed his forehead to mine. I imagine that he was giddy with the realization that our relationship— although unconventional and undefined (‘soulmates’ who weren’t ‘dating’)— was as significant to me as it had always been to him. I imagine that he might have kissed me if Mom hadn’t knocked on the door. 

As I leaped from the bed to answer the door, Taemin snatched something from his suitcase, slid into the bathroom, and locked the door. 

I carefully swallowed the red-hot anger I had been harboring toward Mom (since she thanked that interviewer for his time) before opening the door. She was on the phone again, but she held it away from her ear when I ushered her into the room. 

She sat perched on the edge of the still-made untouched bed, placed the phone by her side, and said, “You know, Lei, as your manager, I have to discourage you from ever repeating your behavior from that interview this morning.” 

Had I been able to find my voice as I stood there, staring down at her with tightly clenched fists, I would have wanted to spit back that I would say exactly what I said that morning every day for the rest of my life because it was true. The thing is, though, I think that kind of honesty was a once in a lifetime thing. The circumstances that prompted that outburst were a perfect storm; placed in an identical situation tomorrow, my voice might fail me. 

“But as your mother—” a bright smile overwhelmed her stern expression— “I have to say that I’m very proud of you for standing up for yourself!”

When Mom flew off the bed to throw her arms around me, I wrestled with the thought that maybe she struggled to find the balance between mom and manager as much as I struggled to find the balance between human and idol. I thought she was a good mom and a good manager, and I might have told her if she hadn’t released me to grab her phone from the bed. 

“There’s somebody else who wants to speak to you too.” 

From that mischievous glint in her eyes, I should have expected Heechul’s voice to burst through the speaker when I held the phone up to my ear. 

“KID—” he would always call me ‘kid’ no matter how old I was— “I AM SO PROUD OF YOU! NOBODY HAS EVER BEEN AS PROUD AS I AM OF YOU—”

I smiled as I held the phone away from my ear, squirming at the realization that if Heechul was congratulating me, I must have been a rogue idol.

Had anyone been paying attention to us, they would have noticed that Taemin and I walked to the pool together. Of course, we were careful not to hold hands or allow our gazes to linger, but whenever Taemin was near me, I felt that there must be some outward evidence of our bond. 

I knew that it was better that the others were too engrossed in their volleyball game (except Ten, who sat on a sun chair in a well-shaded corner) to notice us until Lucas and Kai wildly beckoned for us to join the game. Yet, although I hadn’t so much as whispered to Lucas that there was something between me and Taemin, I was always slightly disappointed when none of these people— who were my closest friends— noticed what (to me) was impossible to ignore.

Taemin, clad in black swimming trunks, dashed to Kai’s side, but I explained my reluctance to join the game. “I don’t wanna get my hair wet.” Really, though, I didn’t want to shed my denim shorts. 

As I walked to claim the seat next to Ten, Baekhyun cupped both hands around his mouth and yelled, “Lei! Bring me a drink!” and pointed to a small blue cooler. 

When I held a freezing Sprite out to him, standing a safe distance from the edge of the pool because I expected him to pull me into the water, I teased, “You should really use your manners, Baek. ‘Please’ and ‘thank you’ are nice words.”

He swam over to me, opened the drink, and winked. “Thanks. Ya know, you should follow your own advice and go thank Ten over there.”

I wrinkled my eyebrows at Baekhyun as he gulped the drink down in one sip. “Why?”

“Ah!” Baekhyun beamed at the can as if it contained the best drink he had ever tasted or as if it had been his first drink after months of wandering through a desert. I rolled my eyes at his theatrics, and he laughed. “Oh! Because he came up with the best plan to get Momager and Donghae— Momhae, as I call them— together!”

Miraculously, nobody turned their head at Baekhyun’s hollering. I blinked at him as if that were an adequate defense against his devilish smile and feigned ignorance as best as I could. “What?”

Knowing that he had done enough to get under my skin— he had done enough to flash his hand without showing all the tricks he held up his sleeve— Baekhyun shrugged. “Why don’t ya ask Ten about it?” He suggested before swimming back to the volleyball game, leaving the Sprite can empty at my feet. 

After tossing Baekhyun’s trash into the bin, I sat next to Ten. Pulling my sandaled feet onto the chair, I tried to study his expression to gather whether he actually knew about “Momhae.” Because he was wearing huge black sunglasses that covered most of his face, I couldn’t piece anything together.

I didn’t even know if Ten noticed me until a smirk tugged at his lips. “Like what ya see?”

I hadn’t even been looking at Ten like that, yet the suggestive lilt of his voice painted my face a pale pink. Maybe Ten couldn’t see my blush through his sunglasses, but I tore my gaze away anyway and sat back in my chair, arms crossed over my short cropped t-shirt. 

Ten lowered his glasses to delight in my reaction to his teasing. Something about that sparkle in his eyes annoyed me— emboldened me to reply, “No, not really.” 

Realizing that I wasn’t playing along with his flirtations, Ten’s jaw dropped (maybe to ask what was wrong with me), but I didn’t give him a chance to speak. “You shouldn’t be talking about my mom’s personal affairs with Baekhyun of all people.”

Ten only said, pitch high from confusion, “What?”

And I realized that Baekhyun tricked me into bringing Momhae up to another member. When he waved at me (just before Taemin launched the volleyball at his obnoxiously large head), I thought I could have murdered Baekhyun. 

Ten knew absolutely nothing about Mom and Donghae. He probably hadn’t considered anything about Mom’s life outside of being a manager until I opened my big mouth. Now, he was looking for me to explain my outburst, and I only had time to briefly thank God that I hadn’t mentioned Donghae’s name before Lucas plopped down onto the foot of my chair. 

I could have barked at Lucas for shaking his head like a wet dog and soaking me with pool water, but I was too grateful that he had come to dig me out of this awkward situation with Ten. Once he opened his mouth, however, I realized that Lucas was there to worsen matters. 

As if Ten wasn’t sitting right there, still staring at me, Lucas said, “Dude, Lei, I’ve been meaning to tell you since, like, the start of the tour that Taemin likes you.” 

Had I not known, I might have been as shocked as Ten, who sat up so quickly that his sunglasses fell onto the ground. “What? Taemin likes Lei?”

When my instinct was to hiss for Ten to be quiet, Lucas narrowed his eyes at me. “Wait. You’re not surprised enough. Did Taemin already tell you he likes you?”

I never stopped being surprised by how perceptive Lucas was. Usually, that trait made him a remarkable best friend because it enabled him to know when I was troubled without requiring an awkward exchange of feelings. In that moment, however, I wanted to kick Lucas for somehow knowing everything. 

I didn’t lie exactly. “I don’t think Taemin likes me.” I didn’t think; I knew.

Neither Ten (who just liked to tease everybody) nor Lucas (who just wanted to know every intimate detail of my life) was satisfied by that response. When they continued to pester me about Taemin, I had to adopt the same tone I used in the interview to scold, “Cut it out, guys. I still have to sleep in a room with him tonight and for the rest of the tour, and you’re making it weird!”

My heart was still racing after they ceased their demands for more information. I was so overwhelmed by the fact that I had almost shared my two deepest secrets— Donghae’s love for Mom (which was directly related to her true identity as the idol who never debuted) and my love for Taemin— that I retired to my room early without apologizing to Mark, which was the entire reason why I walked down to the pool in the first place.

[glittering-snowfall]

Since I always seem to be “in the middle” about Frozen 2 (I have mixed feelings about it and sometimes I defend it and other times I critique it a whole lot), I’ve been thinking about Elsa’s characterization in F2 and what does and doesn’t work for me.

I know I’m an EA shipper and that colors my perspective. A part of me is always going to dislike the ending of F2 - although it’s not entirely shipping-based. I’m of the opinion that F2 made missteps in the Frohana dynamic and that the focus on characters’ individual personal journeys at the expense of working together did a disservice to the final film.

At the same time, I’m not against the ending of F2 on principle the way some of my friends are. This is going to be controversial, but I do see some potential in F2′s ending. And I think there are some ways it fits with Elsa’s character. (In the same breath, let me say that there are some ways I feel it doesn’t fit with Elsa’s character, but let me make my first point first.)

One of the good things I can see in the ending (and in Elsa’s personal journey across the film and her characterization therein) is that the journey ultimately allows Elsa to broaden her horizons. This seems like a good thing, especially for someone who was cooped up in a castle for years of her life in childhood without the ability to truly live. Another good thing might be (keep a pin in that “might be,” I’ll come back to it later) that it expands Elsa’s support network because now Elsa can have the Northuldra and the spirits around her - and so she can meet new people and expand her horizons that way. Again, I can see a lot of good in that, especially for someone like Elsa who was isolated for years of her life.

Here’s the thing though (and this is part the where I start getting critical of F2). F2 doesn’t really focus on Elsa expanding her support network. It never capitalizes on the idea that, hey, this young woman was isolated throughout her childhood and she deserves to have the ability to make connections with people. Frustratingly, F2 doesn’t focus that much on Elsa’s connections with the people who live in the area she eventually decides to call home. Outside of her brief conversations with Yelena and Honeymaren, the film barely shows Elsa interacting with the Northuldra. In fact, the film basically drops the Northuldra characters from the second half of the film. Yes, they are integral on a conceptual level for the plot because the plot hinges on the wrong that Arendelle did to the Northuldra, the developing Northuldra characters from the film’s first part vanish for a large chunk of the runtime - which, in my opinion, has negative consequences for the Northuldra as characters and for Elsa’s choice at the end of the film.

Since the film isn’t as focused on Elsa’s interactions with her new and old friends - on tangible people living in the world around her that she can bond and interact with - it puts its focus on Elsa’s magic, her connection with the spirits, and Fifth Spirit stuff - which was a mistake, in my opinion.

I’ve talked about this before on my other blog, but I fundamentally disagree with the idea we needed to know “the origin of Elsa’s powers.” In my opinion, that puts more focus on what Elsa is rather than who she is. Moreover, making Elsa’s powers a gift for Iduna externalizes something that worked beautifully as a metaphor for something unique that was internal to Elsa. The “gift” plot thread also introduces aspects of predestination to the narrative that the film really could have done without. And before someone jumps in and says, “But Elsa still has the free will to accept her place as one side of the bridge or not and it’s still her choice,” it’s a choice that is fundamentally muddied by the fact her life has been influenced before she was even born by sentient forces outside of her control. I know the world generally influences people, but we tend not to think of the world as having a Will. And even if we look at things from a religious perspective, God never interacts with us as directly as the spirits interact with Elsa, making the comparison between Elsa’s life and the lives of ordinary people influenced by worldly forces outside their control particularly murky.

Now, some friends of mine talk about Elsa making her home in Ahtohallan at the end of F2, while other friends of mine talk about Elsa making her home among the Northuldra. People have very strong opinions about this, but I’m going to toss something out there: both interpretations of the text are valid and that ambiguity is a problem. 

People who argue that Elsa’s home at the end of F2 is Ahtohallan... aren’t wrong, exactly. The film puts way more focus on Elsa connecting with Ahtohallan and the memories of the Northuldra than actually having her connect with the Northuldra. Like I said previously, the actual human Northuldra characters vanish, abruptly cutting off beautiful potential for character development. Moreover, Elsa’s profoundest declaration that she’s “home” comes at Ahtohallan - and there’s some evidence that the writers tossed around the idea of tying Ahtohallan in firmly with the concept of home.

Now, people who disagree with that reading will probably point out that, just because the writers tossed around that idea, doesn’t make it so in the finished film. Just because there are lines in deleted scenes (like Elsa’s declaration that she doesn’t know what the spirits want from her now, but she wants to be there when they do) that suggest the writers didn’t quite know what to do with Elsa and leaned too heavily on the magical destiny aspect, doesn’t mean the finished film totally reflects that.

I’d still argue there are vestiges of it in the finished film, though. We don’t see Elsa living among the Northuldra at the end. We see her standing outside the village instead of within it. We don’t see her riding with the Northuldra at the end, she just waves at them from a distance. But still, she does wave at them! That suggests a happy closeness towards them! She joins hands with Yelena and Honeymaren as she decides to stay, after all. She could indeed live in the village with them.

We just don’t know. It never comes up. I certainly want her to live in the village. I want her to connect more with her mother’s people and explore her culture. It’s a headcanon I find infinitely preferable to the headcanon that her home is the glacier.

But that’s the vexing thing. They are both headcanons - and there are enough details in the finished film that you could plausibly argue either way.

And while I do love the idea of Elsa bonding with the Northuldra in the film’s conclusion, that interpretation also unfortunately highlights the fact that we didn’t get to see that much of Elsa interacting with the Northuldra characters across the movie.

And that just makes me wish we got to see more of the Northuldra - for the Northuldra’s sake, and for Elsa’s. 

And all that kind of comes together to establish why the ending of F2 (at least as it pertains to Elsa) doesn’t exactly work for me.

The way I see it, you could fix this either by having Elsa not stay in the Forest at the end (because that conclusion doesn’t quite feel earned) or you could expand the Northuldra characters’ roles - maybe have Honeymaren and Ryder tag along on the adventure. Then we could see Elsa engage with them, learn more about them, maybe better set up her decision to stay at the end.

Both of those fixes work. And I know the EA shipper in me prefers the first option (and, even divorced from shipping, I enjoy the idea of the found family from the first film staying physically together; it’s a personal bias of mine.) But I also really, really would have loved to have seen more of the Northuldra and the expansion of their role because the Northuldra are pretty awesome.

Sorry, this was really long and rambly. I also know I usually write my rambly analysis posts from my other blog, but I wanted to talk more openly about how my being an EA shipper shapes my perspective.