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seresinhangmanjake · 3 months ago

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Fluff for Feyd, reader tells him that she’s proud of him and it’s the first time someone’s said that to him genuinely 🩵

Feyd-Rautha x reader

All He Knew

Summary: Feyd deals with the emotional aftermath of protecting you from his uncle.

Notes/Warnings: mention of past abuse, mention of death, and vulnerability. It's fluffy-ish and angsty-ish, and slightly different, but I still kept in the main idea. Hopefully you still like it :)

Words: 1150

Feyd-Rautha Masterlist / Main Masterlist / Tag list

You knew the second your husband’s blade went through the Baron’s neck that his whole world would change. Everything inside of him would disconnect. The pieces of his inner self would scatter chaotically, and he would no longer know who to be. You knew because of the power his uncle held over him for the majority of his life.

After Feyd killed his mother, the Baron was all he had. And how do you go from having the fullness of an overbearing presence on your shoulders—miserable as it was—to nothing? By killing the Baron, Feyd excised a part of himself, as if some creature had sauntered up to his side and taken a big bite out of his body. And now there’s a chunk missing that you fear cannot be filled, even by you.

He cries when he thinks you’re asleep. And though you continue to feign unconsciousness as you roll over and drape your arm over his waist, it’s not always enough to stop the tears. Part of you knew it wouldn’t be, but you still hoped. You hoped that having you beside him would remind him why he did what he did.

The Baron had ordered your execution because you were taking too long to provide an heir, and as you were dragged in front of the old man to answer for your ‘crime’, Feyd was nowhere near to protect you. The Baron was smart—he took you from the comfort of your bed in the early morning as your husband was training for another fight in the arena. The plan was simple, and Feyd wouldn’t know about your fate until it was too late. He wouldn’t be able to save you.

But he did, somehow. Your best guess is that Feyd has a mole, or many, throughout the Harkonnen fortress to relay everyone’s movements, because Feyd was rushing into the room and thrusting his blade into squishy flesh just as the order to end your life was leaving the Baron’s lips. And in those quick seconds, your husband was changed.

You don’t know how to bring him back to you. At least, you didn’t. You wrestled with it for days until it dawned on you that what he might need is not necessarily your touch or the reminder that he still has a wife, but instead, the words he deserves to hear.

—

“Feyd, I’m proud of you.”

You’ve been watching him all morning, standing aside, not wanting to interrupt his process of slowly nipping away at a training dummy with his knife. There are holes of all sorts in the torso, both deep and shallow, and slashes across the inanimate face. It has lost both its legs. One arm hangs on by what would be a thin cord of skin were it human. When your words reach him from the other side of the room, he pauses mid-swing.

“You did a hard thing,” you continue as his arm drops to his side and he straightens his stance from a fighters position. “You did a painful thing.”

His adam’s apple bobs. He sighs and stares down at the blade, the sharp point digging into his index finger as he twirls it. He has yet to look at you in the hour you’ve been here, and with the unpredictability of your husband, you don’t know what he’s going to do next. But you wait, patiently, because that is what you can do for him.

“I wouldn’t let him take you from me,” he finally says. The blade stabs into the gut of the dummy. “He’s damaged me enough.”

That’s all he gives you. Your heart shatters for him and for the walls he’s been building between you since he killed his uncle; walls that took you ages to tear down after you married him. You’d done so well at getting him to trust and love you, and you hate to watch the bricks stacking as the minutes pass.

“Since when are you proud when I kill?” he asks.

And it’s a fair question. You’ve never been a fan of the death that wreaks through the halls of the Harkonnen fortress. You’ve never enjoyed his triumphs in the arena. But this is different, and so you must handle it differently, with a gentle hand and well-chosen words, despite what those words may bring.

He hasn’t often handled well certain topics that you’ve tried to bring up in the past. Risky topics, you learned. Topics that have usually left him drawing away from you until the next morning comes and he can pretend as if you never brought them up.

When you’ve asked about his parents, he gets fidgety; can’t stand still, can’t stop messing with his hands, can’t look you in the eye for more than a quarter of a second. He’s unlike the husband you know. When you’ve asked about his uncle, he’s worse. He’s more than just unlike your husband, he detaches himself from the moment completely. He becomes stiff as a board; a statue with a faraway gaze in his eyes. He offers few words. But those reactions are enough for you to assume the truth of his past without him giving you more than the little he has.

“Feyd, he was abusive,” you say, closing the distance between you. “You ended someone who had power over you for years. Of course I’m proud of you.”

“It’s not as if I did it for me; I did it to save you.”

“You did it,” you tell him. “You did it when you needed to protect us most. You didn’t let him hurt me and force you to accept his justifications for doing so. That's what matters.”

Long beats pass that grow longer with each one. Your heartbeat pounds in your ears so violently that they feel stuffed with cotton. You fear his reaction; a further pulling away from you—something you’re not sure you’ll be able to take. But then he drops the knife to the floor, turns to you, and tucks his head into the space where your neck meets your shoulder.

His arms slowly snake around your waist and squeeze you tight, and you’re struggling to breathe properly, but you don’t care because the half-built brick wall just tumbled down. He needs you.

His exhales shakily graze over your collarbone. A droplet forges a path down your chest, disappearing into your cleavage and leaving a chilled trail in its wake. You raise your hand to the back of his head and hold him against you, letting more droplets trickle down your body, letting your skin muffle sobs.

“I’m sorry it had to be like this,” you whisper.

He inhales, breathing you in, and then says, “There’s not a life where I wouldn’t have done it for you.”

“I know,” you tell him.

“It shouldn’t hurt.”

“It’s allowed to hurt,” you say. “He’s all you knew.”

#feyd rautha x reader #feyd rautha x you #feyd rautha fic #austin butler #dune 2

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markrosewater · 4 months ago

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You often say something akin to "If you don't like something Magic has done, don't build a deck with it", but that ignores the actual problem. If I don't like something in the game, I don't want to PLAY against it either. I can't control what other people play but if the things I detest keep getting made, and at a higher and higher power level, the idea of just not putting them in my own personal deck doesn't solve anything. This is doubly true with things that are competitive or exclusively with strangers, ie Arena or FNM.

Let’s me try to approach this from a slightly different vantage point. One of the core things about Magic is that it constantly reinvents itself. Much like how we design the game, it iteratively adapts.

That means we try something and then the audience, the collective whole of all the players, gives us feedback. Note, for the rest of this answer, I’m going to use the word “players”, but I’m using that word to mean the totality of everyone playing. If it’s something players like, we make more of it. If it’s something players dislike, we make less of it. If players despise it, we don’t do it again.

My example for the last point was ante. For those unfamiliar, ante made you play an extra card exiled from the game which the winner permanently took from the other player if they won. The game started with ante as a core part of the rules. Originally, it was the default. You had to opt out of it.

Players hated it. Hated, hated, hated it. I remember, whenever you would meet a stranger, you had to start by saying “no ante”. It didn’t take long for the game to reject ante. Eventually, we even banned all the ante cards in every tournament format.

Part of the social contract of playing Magic is agreeing to experience what the players want in the game. Yes, you can build your deck however you wish, but other people get to do the same.

This means if something exist in any volume, it exists because the players want it to exist. If the players didn’t want it, like ante, the will of the players would force it from the game.

A common note I get on Blogatog is “I don’t like thing X. Can we please remove thing X from Magic? Thank you.”

My answer is always some form of this: The players (again the totality of the players) have said that this is something they want in the game. It’s now part of the game because people want it to be.

This means being part of Magic means to signing up to anything the players have said they wanted. I keep focusing on how you can control what you play with, but yes, part of being in the Magic ecosystem is the agreement that each player gets to play with the parts of the game they enjoy most.

So, let’s talk Universes Beyond. The reason we tried it in the first place was because we had data that made us think players would like it. That’s what R&D does. We extrapolate based on player feedback and try new things.

The players will embrace or reject it. If they embrace it, we’ll make more. If they reject it, we make less of it. If they reject strongly, we might never make it again. Look at March of the Machine Aftermath. The players hated it, and we excised it from our future plans (surprisingly quickly, by the way).

Why are we making more Universes Beyond? Because the players are saying loudly that they want it to be part of the game. The best selling Secret Lairs of all time are Universes Beyond. The best selling Commander decks of all time are Universes Beyond. The best selling large booster release of all time is Universes Beyond. It’s not “sets” because we’ve only ever released one.

It’s not just sales. We do market research. Market research also strongly says players want Universes Beyond. Note, each individual player wants specific ones, but the collective data is they want it.

We also look at data about what creates the biggest online discussions. Universes Beyond rules supreme there as well.

I could go on and on. There are many metrics we look at to reflect the will of the people, and Universes Beyond is crushing it in (almost) every metric.

My point is Universes Beyond follows the pattern of every new thing we’ve tried. We try it in small samples and then increase its usage as the players show acceptance.

Why do you have to play against it? Because, by being a Magic player, you accept the will of the people. You accept that part of being a member of the community is allowing the community, as a whole, to dictate what the game is.

It doesn’t want ante, but it definitely wants Universes Beyond.

That’s why you have to play against it.

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dolphin-diaries · 25 days ago

Text

How To Prevent Detransition In Five Simple Steps (Part 1)

Originally published on Dolphin Diaries.

What do you think of when you hear ‘detransitioner’?

The Right, likely. Grift and pantomime for clout, such as that of a certain doll or the world’s most Korean and Christian man. Coercion; forced detransition.

What do you think of, say, when you consider willing and genuine detransition? If you could look at Chloe Cole past her rhetoric, her ideological allegiance, her utter lack of compassion for those outside of it—what do you see?

Is it regret? Self-hatred? Pity, maybe? A correction of a shameful (stupid, even) mistake? A bizarre decision you struggle to imagine yourself—or anyone—making? A web of uncanny, discomfiting choices, written in flesh?

Maybe, if you’re trans yourself, you might also see your own fears. Not necessarily forced detransition—that wouldn’t make you like her. No, maybe you look at your past doubts and wonder if you could’ve been her, under different circumstances. Or maybe, it’s merely the thought of something that brought you great joy—your transition, the alteration of your body, your freedom—being broken, hated, turned inside-out. Like a shredded garment.

Perhaps you’re just unnerved to see it undone.

Detransition, in the eyes of the masses, is an undoing. That implies discontent, and since this discontent is over transition—something not only voluntary but often hard-won—it also implies that transition itself was a mistake. Seemingly, a preventable one.

And so there is only one conclusion: detransitioners must be prevented. I must be prevented. I am a stain on the medical, social, and queer establishments that have created me, whether you look at it from the Right or the Left. The ‘reverse’ dysphoria I feel is, by all accounts, utterly preventable. Naturally, then, we must attempt to prevent it.

The belief about detransitioners is that they need medical gatekeeping to prevent them from having transitioned—a more robust system of checks that would’ve helped them realise they were never trans. Or perhaps, that they need the topic of transness altogether excised from the zeitgeist. For instance, a known detrans grifter Maia Poet tweeted she is retrospectively grateful to her parents for having hyper-surveilled her after she came out as trans. She still socially transitioned and continued to identify as trans for twelve years afterwards, so it can’t have helped in the way she wanted, but she’s still grateful for, uh. Something. Whatever it is that was accomplished, which, it seems, was not a lot.

Well, no one was expecting cutting social commentary or lucid solutions from Ms. Israeli Sellout Poet, so never mind her. Let us put the grift aside.

That is the knee-jerk response, isn’t it? Make fun of the loud and stupid and obviously wrong ones?

That has its place, but let me assure you, detransitioners exist outside of TV and Twitter. Most are disinterested in sharing a pedestal with Maia or Chloe, regardless of what they believe. Let us even put myself aside as a singular subject. Let us examine what is normally either cynically weaponised by the Right, or else timidly swept under the rug. Because if you allow the idea that willing detransitioners truly exist—and they do, I assure you; if I turned my screen off, I’d be looking at one—then you must also allow the possibility of, well…

Transition regret.

Allow yourself compassion for a detransitioner—a random, regular person—that is staring at rock bottom and finding that their transition took them there. If I were them, I’d surely ask what could’ve been done to prevent that. What could’ve been done so that I never existed such as I am.

A very rock-bottom kind of question, I know. But the only way out is through.

So what is the most effective way to prevent detransition? What has been done to that end? How is transition handled, and what does that mean for detransition?

1. The Doctor Will See You Now

Over the past few months, I’ve spent a good chunk of my god-given procrastination allowance on scrolling online detrans communities that explicitly ban transphobia. You may call that biased, but I’ve found that detrans spaces which make no such explicit attempts are swiftly overrun by Gender Criticals. Not even detrans ones; the topic is hot-button and embarrassing enough to encourage unmitigated manipulation of the audience. It’s a bit like browsing spaces for discussion of cosmetic surgery. When an issue is too unseemly to be spoken of in polite society, the snake oil salesman can peddle whatever the hell he wants. By contrast, trans-positive detrans spaces tend to be smaller, less fraught, and more diverse in issues discussed and feelings expressed.

(To be clear, I will not quote anyone here. While their accounts were told neither in privacy nor in confidence, online messages in small communities carry a presumption of anonymity and non-disclosure, which I intend to maintain.)

Indeed, a sizeable number of even explicitly trans-positive detransitioners express some desire for a prior intervention. A therapist or psychiatrist that would’ve entertained alternatives, or questioned why their patient wanted to transition. It’s not uncommon, when queried by people unsure of surgery or HRT, for such detransitioners to advise waiting until total certainty is achieved. Unlike GCs, though, they often lament the lack of medical professionals that will neither attempt to do conversion therapy nor consider detransition an untouchable topic.

(As I’ve alluded to before, it is difficult enough in many places to find a therapist that even knows Trans 101. ‘Advanced stuff,’ like detransition, is beyond contemplation. It’s not that skilled-enough professionals don’t exist, but that there is no resource for finding them.)

There is a common denominator among such detrans people. They are often—though not always—young transitioners, having done so either in high school or shortly after. They’re usually from countries that have an informed consent model of transition care. Under this model, a doctor does not diagnose with gender dysphoria—or indeed anything at all—but merely provides assistance in alteration of sexual characteristics. That’s the idea, anyway; reality varies and often does not quite match that ideal, but by and large, the doctor’s job is then mainly to explain what the patient is signing up for. What intervention or investigation exists, if any, is minimal or perfunctory.

From a purely technical perspective, these detransitioners are asking for something that wasn’t this doctor’s job to do. But it is a fairly heartless argument to make. “Well, if your dysphoria wasn’t actually dysphoria, you should’ve gone to a therapist instead!”—rather silly, isn’t it? Easily refuted with: “If I knew then what was wrong with me, I wouldn’t be here.” And anyway, just because that is how the system works does not necessarily mean that is how it should work.

There is a wrinkle here, though. Informed consent may be the norm in, say, the USA—for now, anyway—but it is not worldwide. In most places you ought to receive a gender dysphoria (or transsexualism, if the updated DSM is yet to be adopted) diagnosis before access to medical transition is permitted. So how does the diagnostic model hold up when it comes to detransition?

2. Hoops and Hoops and Hoops

As I mentioned in my first essay, I am a young-ish transitioner from a country that very much does not practice informed consent. I started transitioning medically at 19, which is young for an adult transitioner but post-pubertal nonetheless. However, transitioning in adolescence would’ve been functionally impossible for me. Even if my parents were supportive and I somehow found a doctor to prescribe me blockers/hormones—the latter of which is monumentally unlikely, as it was illegal—it would still basically mean social death. So, in effect, I transitioned as young as was humanly possible.

The procedure to acquire legal access to hormone replacement therapy was pretty antiquated during my time. Internment in a psychiatric ward, a prior real-life test, the nine yards. (For the unaware, a ‘real-life test’ is a requirement to have lived as your desired gender for several years prior to any medical transition.) I was diagnosed rather thoroughly both for presence of gender dysphoria and an absence of alternative explanations, such as schizophrenia, BPD, autism, and, put colloquially, mummy or daddy issues—having a ‘broken family’ was a strike against the transsexualism diagnosis. Anxiety or depression was also a no-no. Under this particular model, literally any other condition is a contradiction to transsexualism. You are to be deeply distressed about your genitals and assigned gender stereotype, and absolutely nothing else at all.

Because yes, naturally the pathologisation of gender entails reliance on stereotype and archetype. What makes a man or a woman, after all? When the goal is to have transsexualism as the last possible resort, it’s not enough to merely wish for a different set of genitals or breasts or to describe oneself as a man or woman—gender must be dissected. And that dissection, inevitably, leads to ‘bitches be crazy.’ Man like car, woman like kitchen. Man fucks woman, subject verb object. Et cetera.

Of course, declaring any ‘irregular’ thoughts about gender to be the sole purview of a perfect and utterly healthy citizen, is just cruel. Gender conformity is a violently enforced social protocol. Therefore people that run up against it—trans or not—are highly likely to be made maladjusted. To deny them care on that basis alone is inhumane. If you are found too ‘wrong’ to be transsexual, you will then be told to go treat whatever is wrong with you—your symptom, not your cause. Gender will not be entertained.

Now, that the psychiatric treatment of gender dysphoria is inhumane, dated, and deliberately difficult and arcane, is not news. It is designed to prevent transition first and foremost and also secondly and thirdly, and only lastly to enable it. Some young people in the US may feel enough distance from such treatment as to not understand what it truly entails. To some it is buried history. Most, though, even when unaware of what such procedures are or were, understand they are/were bad. Nebulously bad or specifically bad (mostly the former), but bad nonetheless.

So here’s the first question: does this work? Does this ensure those that truly need transition can do it, and none that don’t, can’t?

I can obviously just point to myself and be done with it, but one person can be anything from an anomaly to a fun fact, just not a tendency. So let’s work through this.

Obviously such procedures do not prevent all transition. Do they reduce the number of transitioners? It is impossible to count for sure, but certainly such procedures generally exist in societies that are not amenable to trans people, and therefore some plainly do not survive long enough to try. It does not matter whether they would’ve eventually detransitioned or not; severe psychiatric procedure does not coexist with widely available, comprehensive therapy. It does not matter because no one will ever find out.

What of those that do survive, though? One extreme conclusion to make is, if you can survive without something, you do not need it. I’m not particularly interested in a survival-only existence as I do not live in a cave and hunt mammoth. (And even prehistoric people made jewellery and painted cave walls with art, so clearly they cared about things beyond sheer necessity, too.) So that aside, how do the lives of those that actually engage with the procedure pan out?

Naturally, one of the results of such procedures is the delaying of access. Some things, like hormones, you can get on the sly, but surgeries you simply cannot receive without either the doctor’s permission or a great—and I do mean great—deal of money. The procedure is designed to take several years before any access can be granted at all, assuming you go through it swiftly and successfully. The more stringent the procedure, the fewer doctors can do it; a degree of waiting is involved even before it begins. In my country’s case in particular, transition is fully paid for by the patient—there is neither state nor insurance coverage, at all, for anything. Even doctor visits in government-sponsored institutions are de facto paid because you need to grease some palms for someone to bother. No, there’s no suing the doctor that won’t treat you without the agreed-upon bribe; you can’t afford it and you won’t win. Therefore there’s also risk of further depression and suicide as great financial burden falls on people that, as a rule, have below-average funds, poor employability, and no family support. But assuming you soldier through, the overall result is a transition timeline that spans about a decade or two. The bulk of social transition will happen in the first five years, whereas surgical interventions, due to cost and laborious approval processes, fall on the last years.

This can be seen as a boon to detransitioners. Delay in access means more time to change your mind, hypothetically. The fact that surgeries are generally impossible until many years in transition means—hypothetically—there’s less chance you’ll end up with changes that cannot be reversed or amended without further surgical intervention, or at all.

As I’ve mentioned in my previous essay, I do believe such calculus to be heavily hindsight-skewed, favouring present lack of regret and dysphoria over past misery and the humiliation of the psychiatric grinder. It’s a little like getting hit with a hammer to the head and then falling madly in love with the doctor treating you. Sure, in hindsight it softens the blow of the head trauma, but you still wouldn’t recommend anyone walk around with a sticker on their back saying ‘Hit Me.’

I can understand, however, how a detrans person who never went through any of that, now deep in dysphoria blues, could find such an argument empty air. Infuriating, even. Perhaps they’d even say they’d gladly be a bit miserable for a couple years so long as they didn’t have to deal with all this now. Grass, greener, et cetera. So let us say this really is a possible advantage of the procedure—

If it actually makes you less likely to go through with transition once you begin the procedure and uncover doubts creeping in.

Does it?

3. A Patient Is A Person

There’s an elephant in the room, though not many notice it. To a cis person it may well be invisible. You might’ve spotted it when I first flippantly described the procedure I went through and mentioned a real-life test. Most people cannot be reliably and consistently integrated into society as the ‘opposite’ gender until they have some kind of physical intervention. Especially not in places that are highly transphobic, where being visibly trans is either not an option or a very dangerous one. But clearly, people do pass this ‘real-life test’ somehow. Is it really only the most androgynous among us that are allowed to transition under such procedure?

Well, no. Although doctors will be more charitable if you already seem like a ‘lost cause’ to your birth sex. Nothing wasted and so on. But like I said, you can always get hormones on the sly. It’s not even hard or prohibitively expensive.

That’s not the only issue with the procedure. How do you reconcile putting all this time and money into a (marginalised) diagnosis with (often precarious) employment? Why are trans patients supposed to have a singular script for their lives and genders, whereas cis people are permitted variance?

In the end, how do you prove to someone else that transition is right for you? Is it really all the silly quizzes and the identically heart-wrenching stories? Eh. Not exactly. In my experience, the doctor makes half their mind up the moment they look at you. And most every patient seems like a regular cis person—a fertile woman, a boy that can be made a man—and so the knee-jerk response is to help you stay that way, no matter how you feel. So there are two options: memorise a rote script of suffering and hope for the best, or, much more reliably and painlessly—

Already look like a transsexual.

Put plainly, the current diagnostic model of transition only works when you’re already transitioning. To access transition you must’ve already done so. Yes, we all simply pretend. Yes, people just memorise whether they’re supposed to like cars or kitchens and how they should describe their sex lives. Of course they do. People seeking transition are human.

You can wag your finger however much you want and insist that people must follow protocol, and whatever happens as a result of disobedience is their own damn fault. The empirical fact is, protocol as written is un-follow-able. Because it is un-follow-able, no one actually follows it.

The result of a system whose first and foremost purpose is to make as few people transition as possible, is very simple: everyone lies. No one trusts doctors. No one in their right mind would go to a doctor that controls their legal gender marker based on the patient’s tales of masturbation, and then bare their true gender feelings with an expectation of help. Even the doctors themselves do not care how you really feel or whether you’re lying. They know the system is faulty, they know none of this is human or nice, but they also don’t understand why anyone would transition and they don’t care to. They have a hundred more patients, a thousand more protocols that are also neither human nor nice. This is psychiatry, and you are an annoying and rare brand of crazy, one that’s both utterly perverse and—they know—not actually crazy, not hallucinating or threatening suicide (and if you do: you can’t, remember?). What you’re doing is wasting a bed and their time. So all they want is their bribe, maybe a dissertation subject, and for you to cooperate and be gone.

What actually decides access to transition? A little bit of luck, a little bit of social acceptance in one’s immediate social circles, but chief among all: money.

If we must prevent the possibility of detransition at all cost, surely financial disincentive still works? Not the way you’d want it to. The only thing cost barriers ensure is that the rich can do whatever they want on a whim, and the poor can’t have even that which they desperately need. That is the only social balance money can buy.

And what decides eventual detransition?

The truth is, at least for me, it wasn’t regret. I’ve lived a long while in trans circles shaped by such transmedicalism. And if I’ve learned one thing, it’s this:

Transition regret was everywhere.

It is not at all unique to detransitioners. Certainly wasn’t in my circles. Many trans people who were also my contemporaries and fellow countrypersons had something or other they regretted about their transition. Some had even found the whole process extremely traumatic. They regretted not allowing themselves any femininity/masculinity that ‘contravened’ their desired gender. They got haircuts, clothes, friends, surgeries—anything related to gender, which is everything—only and solely because of the need to transition under very strict guidelines. Sometimes consciously, sometimes not. We lie to the doctors, yes, but that does not mean we are untouched by the transition procedure at our heart. The procedure is long and complex, and thus at a certain point, it occupies a lot of your attention and time. You live and breathe the sex questionnaires and psych visits whether you want to or not. And, as I’ve established, no one in the whole hospital cares how you truly feel about your gender—so for a while, you may stop caring too. It’s a matter of survival. Not just in the sense of access to transition, but in the very banal calculus of things that will and won’t get you beat up in an alley. At some point it’s only human to mentally check out.

In other words, everyone was fucking miserable. Trans, detrans—everyone.

People transition because they want to. Because everyone wishes to be an architect of their own fate and body, insofar as they can, and for some that involves choosing which way their body grows and ages. How it occupies the mould of sex. And when barriers are put between you and your agency, what follows is not obedience. You are human; you are not an algorithmic machine; you do not simply obey, you choose. So what do most people choose when they want something very badly and are told they cannot have it? They resist, of course. Resist, lie, scheme. And resistance to stringent protocol takes a lot out of you.

If doubt starts whispering in your head and you’re not listening, will you even hear it?

Put plainly, there’s no space for gender feelings in survival mode. What the diagnostic procedure causes is precisely that. It does not matter whether one’s need to transition is caused by some sort of True Transsexualism or trauma or misogyny or self-delusion or a secret millionth thing. You want it, and there’s no resource, no space, and no help for you to dissect that need. No time, either, because everything costs years—be it in money, in waiting, or your own life. You have an acute need and a difficult path to it. That is all.

And when all is said and done, and now you want to detransition? You’ve spent years to transition in the first place. You’ve invested great effort and great money, even if you’re not yet ‘done.’ You’ve likely lost family members and friends. Sunk cost is a hell of a weight, and sunk cost is precisely what the diagnostic model—a prevention model—engineers in spades.

4. A Dream of Utopia

So the informed consent model has no oversight, and the diagnostic model is a horrible grinder. Informed consent seems to be the patented harm reduction choice of the two. But surely those are not the only things that can exist? Surely we can dream of more than just ‘less harm’? Can there not be some sort of prior screening by an actually humane doctor who understands both trans and detrans needs? No quizzes about masturbation or kitchens or cars or whether you demanded to be called ‘boy’ or ‘girl’ at age four—just a robust way to determine whether you actually have gender dysphoria or not?

Let us say it is possible. When detrans people ask for qualified, humane, non-transphobic aid in helping them through their feelings on sex/gender, they are not asking for the impossible. Their need is one that must be answered in a just and caring world; it is already being answered for trans people, so why should the detrans be any different? And from there, you might think, it follows that it’s possible to attempt a system whose aim is some reasonably brief and minimally invasive pre-screening, which would filter out would-be detransitioners and enable trans people to pursue their transitions.

It is possible to attempt that. But.

All systems of restriction and access have a problem: there’s a power dynamic at play. Transition is often a pretty acute need. Doctors can make mistakes, they’re only human. Who is to decide what is real gender dysphoria? What if the doctors are not so humane? What if they enjoy holding power more than they enjoy helping? ‘Just don’t hire them’ isn’t really an answer—if we knew how ‘not to hire bad people,’ we’d have already colonised Pluto.

That doesn’t mean no system of restriction has its place. Access to weapons has similar problems, but most people would agree it’s probably not right for them to know nuclear codes anyway. Obviously no one worth listening to would compare detransition to guns or nukes, but let’s say, for the sake of the argument, that the possibility of detransition is so utterly undesirable that, if a prevention system could exist, it must.

The question remains: what makes gender dysphoria real?

The answer is very simple. Ultimately, it will always only be real because you said so. Because the patient said so—not the doctor.

If you’re a medical professional, you know how much of your diagnostic work relies on patient testimony. How you must at times cajole them into being honest, or to decode what exactly ‘bubbling pain in the liver’ means. Those unfamiliar with the medical world often imagine there’s always some kind of screening that can determine with certainty if the patient is lying or misguided or unsure. And yes, even if John insists he never put that Christmas ornament up his arse, the X-Ray will show it one way or another. But in many cases, it’s not that simple, and patient testimony is crucial.

When it comes to psychology and psychiatry, this issue could not be more acute. Often there is nothing else to go on at all. That doesn’t mean therapists are just useless soundboxes—but neither are there Top 10 Signs My Patient Is Actually A Narcissist. Nor are there actually body language experts that will totally tell you you’re being delusional; peddlers of simple and exact solutions are, as a rule, charlatans.

In short, therapists and psychiatrists are not mind readers. They are only analysing what you are saying about your own mind, and what you’re doing about it. They can aid you in interpreting yourself, but at the end of the day, you’re still the one doing it.

And here’s the kicker: no single issue faced by detransitioners is something trans people do not experience. Some detrans people first transition as a form of self-harm after sexual assault; but childhood sexual trauma is common among trans people who are happy in their transitions, too. Many detrans women felt pushed out of their gender by internalised misogyny and the impossibility of envisioning happy lives as women; but all those that are brought up or grow up as girls experience misogyny, including trans men and trans women. Detrans people often cite only wanting to transition after they learn of the possibility of transition and not from early childhood, as if that is evidence—but many trans people do not seek transition until they learn of its existence, too.

Trans people doubt their transitions all the time. Feel unhappy with their transitions, at least sometimes. And they self-harm via detransition too—a lot. The idea that none of this happens, or only happens very rarely, is a fiction recited for the sake of self-defence and attaining civil rights in a hostile world. Spending any time in trans spaces will tell you the truth is much more nuanced. And even so, even still, only some of those people detransition. And only some of those do so completely of their own free will, and not out of despair or a successful right-wing pipeline.

For every seemingly telltale sign of future detransition, there are numerous counterexamples. In fact a trans person can have all those signs at once, and nonetheless remain trans. Diagnostic criteria for a condition requires a list of symptoms, and if no number of those can be definitive? That means there can be no diagnosis. No (medical) condition.

In other words, resources, attention, and qualified aid can all accommodate detrans people exactly as it does trans people. Procedure cannot. Just like it can’t satisfactorily accommodate trans people. It is a dead end to treat the matter of gender as if it is a disorder, an ailment of the individual, rather than an exercise of agency against a society which enforces sex/gender.

Additionally, I have so far spoken in extremes. Real and not-real trans people; detransitioners that utterly regret their transition and wish it never happened. It was necessary for the argument. But many detransitioners do not have such black-and-white feelings about their past. Some are nonbinary and unhappy with either ‘man’ or ‘woman’; some do not maintain that their gender dysphoria wasn’t actually real; some even reject the label ‘detrans’ on principle, even though they have verifiably detransitioned. I have not mentioned any such case because I wished to argue that even the most ‘textbook,’ most acutely regretful case of detransition has little to gain and much to lose in a gatekeeping-first transition system. However, I must also point out that the ‘textbook case’ is the only case that can envision any gain at all. It isn’t real, but it’s a lovely mirage. To the rest of us, there isn’t even that.

5. I Have Bad News—Or Do I?

Yes, what I am saying is that detransition is inevitable. I’m saying its negatives can be curtailed by therapeutic and medical care that accommodates for detrans people—as much is true for trans people—but, regardless of how preventable detransition may seem, there is no way to simply solve it. Detransition can only be vanished by going back in time and making medicine freeze at the turn of the twentieth century, before such things as exogenous hormones were invented. Even a full ban on transition would be just a costly inconvenience, but ultimately not a magic bullet. People do banned things because they want to all the damn time. Oh, and I guess we’d also have to sterilise every single female horse.

So does that mean detransitioners are necessary collateral damage?

Only if you think detransition is inherently, inevitably, invariably undesirable and bad.

When you discover you want to detransition, it can be hard to accept for a myriad of reasons. Sunk cost, fear of ostracisation, shame, or even because you have no idea what detransition can look like and you don’t know what to do. And then there’s dysphoria and dealing with the wider society’s disgust and I-told-you-so’s. Some amount of what one might call a ‘bad time’ is unavoidable.

But why? What makes wanting to detransition—not resigning to it; wanting it—bad? What makes it socially reviled and pitiable? What makes going through it feel so difficult? How is the shame of detransition engineered—and what for?

See you in Part 2.

#transfeminism #detrans #detransition #transmedicalism #material feminism #lesbian feminism #feminism

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bambi-kinos · 3 months ago

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I am not a native English speaker, but I want to express my love for you. I think your understanding of Paul Mccartney is the closest to the truth (at least in my opinion) on this website. Please share your opinions, i'd love to read them!

In addition, I couldn't agree with you more about John and Paul's relationship. I have a very unpopular opinion. I always thought John Lennon was the love of Paul Mccartney's life, paul loved John with a passion that went against his own nature, and has not yet fully reconciled himself with this violent love.

Oh my god I'm gonna cryyyyyyyy holy shit ya'll you're too nice to me

John Lennon was the love of Paul Mccartney's life, paul loved John with a passion that went against his own nature, and has not yet fully reconciled himself with this violent love.

Man I think it goes even further than that. For Paul McCartney John Lennon is simply The Answer. That's the other reason he brings up John so much, everything in Paul's life eventually comes back to him and Paul's great life challenge has been accepting this.

Paul wants to be a fully rounded person like we all do and I think part of his struggle with his Shadow Self (in addition to the absolute multitudes Paul contains) is that wherever Paul goes, John is there. Even Paul's marriage to Linda could not fully escape this, one of his most devoted Linda ballads "My Love" cannot escape the ghost of John and his beautiful hands.

Very astute of you to note that it goes against Paul's own nature; someone I used to know made that observation to me around two years ago now. The thing with Paul is that he is a control freak. One of the reasons that Linda appealed to him is that she was willing to take a backseat for the sake of Paul's public image. Check it out:

With modern eyes we can see that Paul and Linda's relationship was on a much more even footing than Paul wants us to believe, hence all those jokes about Linda pegging him. However that is not necessarily the construct Paul wants The Public(tm) to see. Linda often takes subservient poses in her PR photos with Paul and this combined with Paul's babbling about his trad fetish and that he "likes" the set up of a woman handling all the domestic chores communicates a very clear and intentional message.

These poses and photos are simple and innocent enough but they are a specific genre that communicates the message of 1) Paul's heterosexuality 2) his status as the dominant partner in the Paul&Linda relationship 3) the fact that Linda is supposedly accepting Paul's directives and leadership. The fact that we are having to argue with deniers about Paul's bisexuality is due to Linda Eastman's sacrifice: Paul's public image is Linda's greatest creation, even surpassing the birth of her children. She realized that Paul's preoccupation with what other people think of him is simply a part of himself that cannot be excised or gotten rid of. By being married to Paul she chose to help him achieve his goal of a having an unassailable image as a heterosexual family man that was done with his tomcatting days; an image that I would guess did not match reality in any way but still was essential to Paul's nature. And that nature is indeed a controlling one.

John himself is totally antithetical to that. He does like his measure of control for sure, but John himself lived by the ethos that life is an endless nonsensical carnival and that the universe is too chaotic and unpredictable. I think that's part of why John tended to go along with whatever was happening to him at the time (which makes his rebellion against Mimi an interesting outlier in John's behavior IMO. I'll try to develop that later.) John fully believed in the random chaotica of life and I think his conflict with Paul ultimately boiled down to John not wanting to hand Paul that level of control because John believed it was pointless and insulting. John instead handed it off to Yoko because he would be less curtailed with her whereas maybe being with Paul would have meant giving up a certain amount of freedom to do what John wanted, whatever that may have been. (And really the possibilities are endless on that score, it's almost pointless to speculate.)

Paul enjoys being loved but his specific breed of control freak finds the idea of being in love absolutely terrifying. John in many ways created Paul McCartney; he remade Paul's fashion sense, his haircut, his sensibilities, even successfully made Paul into a sexy little housefrau:

And check out this bit from Phil Norman' George biography:

George and Ringo then took up residence in a second-floor flat at Whaddon House, a modern block in William Mews, Knightsbridge, where Brian himself lived on the top floor. To this point both had been looked after by doting mothers, so they possessed no domestic skills -- another reason why the highly domesticated Paul had jumped ship.

There's only one useless bum Paul will cook and clean for, and it's not George and Ringo. (And keep in mind all of that was happening against the backdrop of Cynthia and the new baby.)

I think the truth of the matter is that Paul is a great deal more submissive and wifeable than he wants to let on, hence that weird comment to the apple scruffs about how he didn't want to be some queer that never got married. Paul is always very concerned about what people think of him and finds it genuinely threatening. It's an open question if he ever has or will open himself to reconciling himself to it as you said; though I'm hoping that he's made some strides in that direction. John Lennon was totally antithetical to that and disrupted Paul's attempts at creating a normal heterosexual life.

And look I'm focusing on the domestic roleplay aspect of McLennon here but I think what it really indicates is that Paul was telling the truth when he described himself as a second in command and that he doesn't like being the leader. Due to the heteronormativity of the time Paul couldn't really conceive of himself as not being insulted by being a man stuffed into a woman's traditional role and he may have even been negatively effected by how much he enjoyed being dominated and lead. As well as how much he enjoyed being overpowered by John in such matters which I'm sure extended to their musical, professional, emotional, and sexual relationship.

That was one of the qualities that John seeded and grew in Paul, unwittingly, which went against everything Paul had been taught to believe and what he was supposed to value. I think that the latter half of the 1960s and then Paul growing into his own talent as a musical leader, also turned over the apple cart because suddenly Paul outgrew the Work Wife role he had with John and was becoming something much bigger. John in the meantime couldn't keep up due to his drug abuse and also due to how stifled he felt by the Beatles machine and that he couldn't record or publish the music that he wanted to, being forced to endlessly compromise with three other guys. One of which was supposed to be more submissive to him but then suddenly stopped being so easy to keep at John's side.

And yes, you're right there is a "violence" to what they felt for each other. John stirred up incredibly powerful feelings in Paul. He did it from the very beginning when Paul saw John on the bus and fell in love with him. Can you imagine being a control freak that's terrified of Being Seen for what you really are by the general public, when all it took for you to fall madly in love with another man...was to look at him during a fucking bus ride?

I would probably freak the fuck out and shack up with a Yankee too.

#paul mccartney #linda eastman #john lennon #mclennon #beatles meta #my meta #anonymous asks #talktalktalk #ask meme #the beatles

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stackslip · 6 months ago

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I'm curious, at the point where you're at in FMA 03, have you met Dante yet? I'm curious at what you think of her.

late but now that i'm done: i adore her. like, she could have benefited from a few more episodes' worth of development (like envy, really, and many other aspects of the ending that were clearly VERY rushed for time), but i fucking *love* what we got of her. i find her a thousand times more compelling and thematically appropriate an antagonist than father is.

the first thing i enjoy about her is that she is, fundamentally, a human. she claims to have surpassed humanity and looks down on them, but she is a real human person who just happens to have used alchemy to extend her own life, and the process costs not only her but everyone! she isn't a supernatural being, and in fact her bodies are all extremely fragile even outside of the whole rotting thing. what she is is really the ultimate alchemist: someone who really does see the world and everyone within it as material to be analysed, decomposed, and recomposed to her will. someone who dehumanizes others so profoundly they are just tools to her, things to be manipulated or destroyed or remodeled at her will, and who's fundamentally baffled when they react as people. but outside of being that good an alchemist, she's also just....... human. she's scared, and petty, and honestly a bit cringe and old-fashioned. she's cunning and used to manipulating people and movements, but she's good in that human, predatory and slimy way rather than as an inhuman force of evil. her motives too are human! she wants to keep living. she claims to be above it all but she is really just another human, among many MANY in the show, who struggle with the concept of dying and letting go of an idealized life. she isn't special among them! she isn't particularly unique in her motivation! she's one of a dozen characters of fma 03 who cannot cope with death as a part of life.

the second thing i enjoy is, how despite her manipulations and how she is, in essence, responsible for everything the brothers have been through (they wear her mark without knowing it for most of their life for fuck's sake!) she is not actually the only one with agency in the world, and while she pushes amestrian towards its genocidal policies the show makes it very very clear clear that she is not solely responsible for them, and that excising her does not suddenly make everything better or end racism or all that fucking nonsense lmfao, it's so clear that really, dante has been taking advantage of existing prejudices and amestris's own imperialist ambitions for her own gain. amestrians support the genocides and wars! it brings them resources, and national pride, and racial superiority! it strengthens the might of state alchemists! again what dante is is first and foremost a manipulator. the homonculi are all lost, and hollow, and desperate OR they are her own creations from past lovers and children she views as her property and lies to. they are inhuman and yet genuinely intimidated by her. she knows what buttons to press. dante doesn't implant or create things in others, she takes advantage of what is there and remolds it to her desire! equivalent exchange if you will :)))

third reason is: again. she is slimy. she is cringe. she is predatory but in a weird flailing way. she is so obviously a predator, and a very much older woman who knows nothing about the times and thinks she's still hot shit. she is sloppy at times in her handiwork. she is deeply, unbelievably petty. she is so awful it becomes campy. she throws a baby in the air for fun and experiments. she is so mad hoheinheim got himself a wife she uses the wife's homonculus for fun. she is EXCEEDINGLY creepy about rose and sexualizes and exoticizes her openly in a way that feels.... genuinely real and pathetic and racist (she is racist tbc, the narrative is v clear about it and isn't doing this for fun points). i think there need to be more evil girlfailure villains who aren't like just, hot sex machines but are this kind of realistic kind of everyday awful and evil.

fourth reason is that she's an excellent foil to a number of characters, starting with hoheinheim obviously and his own fucked up actions, and his own predatory nature towards younger women (and btw just like.... the little we get of their relationship and interactions has my head spinning, it's so good and juicy) and refusal to accept death until he does. but also edward--she isn't just trying to convince him bc he's hoheinheim's son and she's a fucking creepy, but bc again and again the narrative has shown that ed IS teethering on the edge of morality with his alchemy, that his curiosity and drive to prove he CAN do these incredible things deemed impossible, that he IS no ordinary alchemist and his love for al can lead him to dark places. he isn't dante, not yet! he turns away from her values! but had dante played her cards a bit better, maybe he could have been. and of course there's the izumi parallel too: izumi, dante's student who flees her master because there's something wrong with that woman; who grieves her son and tries to bring him back and is stuck with the homonculus that resulted--where dante tried to resurrect her son and used him as a tool. and all those who committed human transmutation in the name of bringing back lost loved ones, when pride and greed are said to be based on dante's former lovers she killed and controlled. did she ever really love them? was her first transmutation genuinely out of grief? when did she lose sight of the common humanity at the core of these other people? was it from the start, or did she lose it gradually as her soul rotted with her bodies?

i think that's also one of the most fascinating aspects of dante. she is, for all intents and purposes, a living corpse who refuses to die and move on. a zombie. in a show full of ghosts and people who are unable to die or move on, in a show about how idealizing the past and trying to freeze it or recreate a pitch perfect version of it stops you from seeing the love and possibilities right in front of your nose. and nowhere is that seen more than in dante: whose bodies rot faster and faster and yet she keeps believing she can fix it. she can use a thousand more lives to let her use a body for a few more months. why should she have to die and move on? why can't the world just stop for her? it should. everyone in fma 2003 keeps trying to repeat the past, to start up the same old cycles, to drag the long dead and buried kicking and screaming into the present. dante literally lives in a city so old and forgotten people have forgotten its existence and that it is the foundation on which central is built. she drags the bones of the homonculi's former selves to threaten them. she tries to immediately start up a relationship with her ex's son, believing she can remodel him to her liking. she takes and she takes and she takes. she has forgotten that one is all and all is one and that all struggles are connected, that the old must give to the new, that you cannot make the same mistakes over and over and get what you want whenever. she is rotten inside and out. i think it's fitting then, that she isn't killed by ed or al's hand, but that she simply storms off mad when things don't go according to plan (because she is just that petty) and that she is killed by the rebound of her own actions of untethering gluttony. she has so thoroughly dehumanized others, literally and figuratively, that she gets swallowed by the results of it, and dies the same pathetic death that the priest did in episode 2, and marcoh did, and many others that she sent gluttony to clean up.

like gd i do wish we could have gotten another full ten eps of her. but i'm also fine with her as she is. she sucks so bad. she's so delicious to dive into, the layers of her fucked up ness.

#eli talks #fma 2003 #there's a reason i'm writing a fic digging into her specifically lmao

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jewish-vents · 6 months ago

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I, like too many of us, lost my entire friend group a couple months ago and I'm in a really fucking bad mood about it right now.

The literal leader of the whole group was Arab. I won't say from where, but not Palestine, he would have said so, but he told me where he is from. Several tragedies occurred in the world before 10-7, and in the group chat we broke from our usual unspoken commitment to not discussing politics to give statements of sorrow for the victims. The Irish nationalist never missed a chance to anyway. Then 10-7 did happen and I thought ah, this time I will lead this sharing of communal grief for the brutality of prejudice... but then I thought better of it. I said nothing. No one else did either.

I think the second he found out I was Jewish it was already over. He just came at me one evening and accused me point blank of being a Zionist. I tried to hold my ground and tell him that that is one thing I refuse to discuss with anybody, and he wouldn't take that as an answer, and I just stopped answering his texts until he stopped.

We didn't talk again after, not that we very much did before. I wanted it to just blow over, wait for him to cool off and realize he went way too far, maybe even apologize, but that never happened. I hoped, but I already saw the writing on the wall. Things mostly went back to normal, until he came at me again. Accusing me again. I defended myself again but he really wouldn't have it this time. He used every trick in the book, saying he has family at risk of dying and i don't (because they died during the shoah. as if he's not american too), saying that he was obligated to remove me unless i could prove I wasn't a "threat" in his words. I tried to placate but I knew this was it. He's already made up his mind. He told me that he "has Jewish friends", tokens and Good Jews I'm certain.

Im certain I'm the only Jew hes ever met who didnt roll over for him. I know he wanted me to denounce israel, my homeland, my people. Not that he'd believe me. I told him that I'm on the side of peace, that i detest violence and suffering, and he accused me supporting the "genocide of his people". he's literally afraid of pan-arab replacement

i will never trust goyim again. i will always be afraid. too many times in my fucking life have i done nothing fucking wrong and been punished, ostracized and abandoned.

ordinarily I'd be afraid that he or the rest of my traitor fucking neonazi ex-friends would see this but so what? theyve already blocked me. if theyve seen this blog, they've probably blocked it. and so what if they see it, you gonna tell all your friends about the threatening zionist you excised from your midst? gonna tell your friends about what a heroic little martyr you are, protecting your friends from that fucking jew?

you were a silverfish in your past life and I would i eat you again, centipede that i am.

#jewish vents #antisemitism #islamic antisemitism

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changelingsandothernonsense · 3 months ago

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Joshi's Top Ten Best and Worst places to jork it in Vvardenfell District

Part One here

Building on the initial post and an idea floated by @skyrim-forever (Check out theirs) and my own personal craziness. Here I introduce Joshi's Best and Worst Jorking location on Vvardenfell that he's sampled or wants to sample/ him on his soap box/ his hit list. Under a cut again for the whole NSFT thing. Remember this is all a joke.

The Best of the Worst! Vvardenfell Edition!

10. Best Suran

Oh...you're back aye? Right so why Suran? Simple, I spent most of my adolescence here. I got the fuck around since I wasn't really welcome back at the Estate unless Ilaro's out of town an let me tell you, he was rarely out of town. I used to hang out in one of the warehouses on the docks that was basically a poorly hidden hidey hole for Tong smuggling. Had to watch that warehouse a lot. I was a bored kid so yeah, I'm gonna fucking figure out that jacking off was a fun use of 5 minutes.

It just barely sneaks in because it's familiar an I don't know some fucked sense of sentimentality. Jerk it on the docks if you're feeling mildly adventurous...I think they rebuilt them...I don't think I burnt down more than the main pier?

Ah fuck me... 10. Worst That fucking boat!

It's dark, it's moist an it's covered in rats and their shit! The stench alone is a turn off. Then you got the fact that the whole thing moves, you are tied to the floor an you have zero privacy. Look if you are jerking it in the hull it's because you're desperate for a wank. It's a pitiful wank. It's an unsatisfying wank. It's something to do, sure, an we all fucking do it but like...I'd rather be doing it somewhere where I wasn't filthy and wasn't being looked at by some dumb fuck who's also over being locked up in a place where you can't stand up straight!

Like if you have to have a wank do it because eight weeks is way too long not to but it's certainly on my shit list.

9. Best Seyda Neen's Census and Excise Office

Now this one is more a fantasy of mine then anything I've actually done in the flesh (I got a husband with a brain who stops me from fucking up like that) but could you fucking imagine? I hate the Empire, I hate their taxmen and I fucking hate that old fuck who grilled me with inane questions for well over an hour when I needed a fucking piss! Every one of those fucks that work there deserve it an I don't give a fuck if that's crass! I guess this could go for Cosades' hovel in Balmora too, but that would require me actually going near any of his filthy fucking furniture! See this is why I need someone to think for me. 9. Worst Anywhere at the Erabenimsun camp.

Firstly, there is no circumstance where I'm remotely welcome here. My gahata had a bit of a power boner (fuck where do I get that from) an decided "Yeah I should just poison the Ashkhan because I think I can do a better job." An you wanna know how that turned out? The fuck split the tribe in half an got most of his clan killed. You know, I can't even set foot on the main tribe's border without getting an arrow to the face. Let alone find a spot to get my rocks off. Too busy running from the old blood price on my head to worry about blowing my load in Ulath-Pal's yurt- which I would have done if I had the chance let me tell you.

Give this place a skip if you value breathing.

8. Best The Urshilaku Camp

Specifically the yurt I'm staying in. Look, I do actually respect some things an this is one of them. Though, considering how long and how often I stay there, I'm gonna need some time to myself. I don't often have to take care of myself (what with me staying with Erra an all but keep that quiet aye?) but if I have to... It's up there with a locked suite at a corner club or like...a house? It's good coz I'm not being bothered too much. Just don't get upset about a little bit of ash getting thrown into the mix. It's a hazard of the Ashlands. 8. Worst Any an all Velothi Towers

I get it, you've been trudging through the wilderness all fucking day an you're tired. You see the ruins of some weird fucking structure in the distance. It's pretty solid looking an maybe you can set up camp in or near it. You do that, enter the ruin an after you've set up all your junk you decide to relax a bit. Think again fucker! Relace your pants an get the fuck out of there! If you're lucky, you'll escape an extremely offended Telvanni who doesn't appreciate you ruining his experiments after he's copped an eyeful. If you're unlucky, you'll find that you've offended a vampire coven an you gotta race out of there with your trousers around your ankles and a desperate need for a cure disease potion. Find literally anywhere else! 7. Best Erra's House

Erra bought a small house in Maar Gan not long after we met. We stay there whenever I need a rest an Erra wants to make a few drakes off the Redoran. It's that same "home" principle but I don't have to worry about locked doors on nothing coz the only person who's gonna catch me is just as likely to help me finish. I highly recommend...

Ah... nothing special it's just a nice, normal place to jack off if I'm bored an Erra's busy.

7. Worst Any Daedric Shine Ever

Just like the Velothi Towers. Easy trap when you're travelling and bone tired. You see these twisted towers in the distance an you're thinking "Fuck yes! A place to camp!" Maybe you've had the fortune of locating one of the ones that's by a pretty lagoon. It's so unbelievably tempting to just rub one out then take a nap. WRONG YOU DUMB FUCK! You ever been so close to cuming and then get attacked by a scamp who's angry you've intruded on it's house? No? Well don't make the same dumb mistakes I have then. 6. Best Balmora's Fighters Guild

Seemingly inconspicuous, yeah? Most members have a dormitory they share so not a lot of opportunity for privacy. This wouldn't even be on the list if I didn't have a giant bone to pick with their Master-at-Arms and her choice to basically use that whole outfit to do heavy work for Orvas Dren an the Camonna Tong. No, the reason this is so high is because I fucking relished in leaving a surprise in her desk draw. What can I say, I'm very, very petty an she's pissed me the fuck off enough times for me to get my rocks off at the thought of her angrily screaming at the mess.

6. Worst Ancestral Tombs

Firstly, I wanna know who'd go into one of these by choice? Then I'm gonna ask why the fuck they think whipping their dick out whilst in there is a good fucking idea? Like yeah I've wanked in some weird fucking places but I got standards! I do, I swear! Why you need to skip any and all ancestral tombs? Simple, try being sprung by this big fucking bastard.

You know, I was nursing a broken wrist and cracked ribs for weeks after facing one of these meat mangled monsters an I wasn't even doing anything particularly crass. Certainly wasn't jerking off or anything like that. Just had to pick up a skull...which is probably what summoned it. There is no scenario where it's safe to enter one of these places let alone whip your fucking cock out an rub one out on a whim. YOU ARE CRAZY! 5. Best Lake Amaya

I made it pretty clear that I like pretty things an fuck me is this lake pretty. If you go to the side with the wildflowers, you'll have one of the nicest places on Vvardenfell to let loose. I used to camp here a lot when I was travelling the Ascadian Isles an Erra's pretty partial to it too. Kinda honeymooned here. Anyway it's just a nice, normal place to blow off some steam. Something that can't be said for the rest of my pics so um...get used to it?

5. Worst Every Dunmeri Stronghold

I think you've probably figured out by now that no place on this Blighted fucking island is safe at this point an that goes for these ziggurats from my people's golden age.

You know these things date back to before we all turned into grey skinned nutjobs? The power trip I could get from jizzing off the side of one ordinarily would be palatable. Of course this is Morrowind an no ruin is left unoccupied. If you're not getting attacked by a stronghold full of fucking Orcs then its something much, much worse. What you ask? I'll get to it in some of the additions that are higher on the list. Just...I don't fucking know, wait until you've cleared the place before you whip your dick out, yeah?

4. Best Dwemer Ruins

Look these can go one of two ways but for me a Dwemer ruin is like my favourite thing so I'm just beside myself excited when I'm trudging through them. It can take a while to clear these places out an I'm camping out as a result. You bet I'm rubbing one out an fucking enjoying it when I'm on my downtime. Just make sure you've cleared the chamber you're in of constructs before you get started. Nothing worse than just reaching the edge only to be assaulted by a centurion spider before I can climax... Look this might just be a me thing...um...

4. Worst Ghostgate

Yes, there's a small Temple based settlement here where you can stay at an inn or whatever but like why would you want to? I'm gonna be blunt, I can't get within a hundred metres of the place without having a fucking fit an that's mortifying enough to deal with in the middle of the Ashlands. I'm not even gonna have the opportunity to jerk off here because I can't enter the fucking building. So I asked my husband his opinion an he just looked at me like I was a fucking idiot for even considering but he got to choose entry five so it's not like he's completely against this list. Anyway I don't think this is a great place to crank it. Nope, you got Temple stink for one and that's wrapped in a thick blanket of Blight an ghost wailing if Erra's description's correct. I'm guessing it is. Look if you want to jerk off near some Tribunal Temple complex then maybe look at my next entry. Oh, Erra has a few thoughts on special mentions. Do set up camp on the coast of the Grazelands and watch the - Erra that's not what the list is about! I suppose you could find a bit of solitude out there but then you're dealing with Telvanni an you don't wanna jerk of near any of their towers. Mushroom stink is not something that turns me on okay. Oh an avoid the Corpruserium if you know whats good for you. I spent a good month down there an I can assure you, there is no good nut in there. Right number three, number three... 3. Best Maar Gan Temple

Like I said, if you want to stick it to the Tribunal by jerking off in their holy places then you may as well do it at the tourist attraction of all time. See there's a rock you can sit on an a bound Daedra you can tease if you're feeling a bit ah... antagonistic. Something that always gets me hornier than a kagouti in late autumn. I broke into the temple one night after it closed an just went to town. The burn on my ass from that Daedra's retaliation was so worth it! Highly recomend if you're into that kinda thing, yeah? 3. Worst Any and all Sixth House Bases

Just...why? Like what would possess you to jerk off in any of these places? I mean I can't keep myself present when I'm here, like I'm gonna jerk off whilst I'm at it. To start you have Blight an that should be more than enough to make your dick retreat all the way back. You gotta deal with Corprus Monsters an the Ascended too. It smells of death and if you aren't consumed into the hive then you're most likely dead anyway. I don't think you're gonna have long enough to get into the mood let alone finish. I do wonder though...do the higher Ascended have working plumbing? I um... It took me a while to get back to normal an sometimes it still doesn't ah...Don't need to know about that ah... 2. Best The Ministry of Truth and the Temple Canton

Lord Nerevar's home Vehk an there's nothing you can do to stop me! Look I'm not actually Nerevar or nothing... we share a brain an stuff an he's not... Look I can feel Nerevar has a hate boner going on for all this an that kinda affects me too. So anyway I'm justifying it by the fact that I get off on defiling places of power an this place is top of my shit list. Yes, I have cum in that Library as a fuck you to all this shit an I'll fucking do it again!

Maybe all over the Patriarch's desk? I think the bastard deserves it. Fucking cunt! 2. Worst Kogoruhn

Yes. I already put strongholds on the list but this one takes every shitty thing about Sixth House bases an Strongholds an wraps it all into one fucking package of fucked! Not only is it fucking crawling with Blight creatures but the thing is a giant fucking hive of Voryn's most loyal bitches. Those fucks are motivated, let me tell you! You want to know how I got through the Ghostfence without seizing? Here it is. The place is the only other opening to Red Mountain that exists an it's deep under the earth. You are not going to have the time to jerk off here! You are getting in an getting out as quickly as your skinny legs can carry you! Jerk off all you want later you don't want to be here! No one should be here! 1. Best The Cavern of the Incarnate

This is more a fuck you to the Deadric Prince an the artifact that ruined my whole life! I employ all of you to descend on this place in one big group and crank one out for me! It's what would truely make me happy...that an having my husband not be a damn ancestral ghost trying to remove the stylus from my hand as I write this but I can't have everything I want apparently. Why this is a prime jerk off spot? Well aside from my hate boner over Azura an Nerevar fucking with me, its actually kinda pretty for a shrine to a Daedra. Just um... find a place that isn't lined with the mummified remains of my predecessors, yeah? 1. Worst Akulakhan's Chamber

An on the flip side, where the end beguins an everything ends. I'm sure I don't really need to clarify why you simply shouldn't be whipping your dick out here but incase any of you need a reminder.

Not only did I spend the whole fight down here in the rescesses of my mind but when I did finally regain control of my body from Nerevar I was definetly not feeling primed for a good wank. You shouldn't either. You are dealing with cunt number one in a long line of cunts that seek to turn you into one of them an I'm not really interested in completing the transformation, yeah? Besides, I wasn't really given a chance to savour the ah...ambience of the bowels of a fucking volcano! Have you been in a magma chamber? I've been in more than my fair share an I can assure you it is unpleasent. Like a part of me wonders if it would just evaporate as it was coming out but i'm also not interested in getting my cock within five hundred meters of a magma pit but if you want to push your luck an trial that age ol "Dunmer are heat resistant" thing then you go ahead an go for it. I'll be over there, above ground, not doing that.

Anyway I think that's it. I gotta go like purify my husband's ghost with a conduit flame. He's fucking mad at me now over my top best pick.

#Jerking World Tour #Joshi's Top Ten Best and Worst Places to jork it in Vvardenfell District #danger!josh #nerevarine #nsft

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ooffmlsorry · 1 year ago

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A/N: Not a request but @makemake22 stumbled across an idea I was already toying around with so kudos to them lol same brain cell moment ig! Plus I mentioned Miremo in this post (and might again) so I figured fuck it why not. So uh...I guess this is a "Law Bends the Rules for You" Part 2

Read Part 1

Law Bends the Rules for You Part 2

Y/N is definitely a pirate in the making.

When you said "cat," that's what Law was expecting. A cat is something small, mildly irritating at best, sometimes cute, and wouldn't get in the way because it's yours. What he got was not that. What you presented to him was donkey-sized creature resembling a grossly overgrown Maine Coon that could light parts of itself on fire at will.

That's not a cat.

He could plan around a cat.

But you were a package deal. If he wanted one on the crew he'd have to take both. And admittedly, when you said it was the only family you had left he just...he couldn't, okay? Law had excised the hearts of a 100 pirates, removed them from their bodies with cruel precision, but he didn't have the cruelty to separate you from the last piece of home you had.

He would kill or be killed to have one person left from his past.

Plus, you immediately gave him a piece of your mind for trying to leave it behind when you found out the Heart Pirate's own navigator was essentially a polar bear.

He should've known you'd be trouble from that alone. Yelling at him in front of his crew.

Now he was alone with it...her...Miremo. You and the rest of the crew were exploring an island. Even you weren't sure why Miremo stayed behind, but she wasn't interested despite being cooped up on the Polar Tang.

"That's really weird, I hope something didn't make her sick," you had said, pulling at the skin around your fingers until it peeled. A nervous tic Law noticed you had. "Could...could you just keep an eye on her? Please? There's some supplies I really need to get and I'd ask one of the others but..." You trailed off.

Law wanted to say no. He really did. It's not his damn cat, nor is it his family. Sure, if the thing was sick or injured he'd try his best, but he's not a vet. He's a doctor. A surgeon.

Did you think he had all the free time in the world to babysit your animal? He's the captain, he's a doctor. He's got stuff to do. And yet...when you asked, he said yes.

Now here he was, having taken his work to outside to the deck of the Polar Tang to keep an eye on Miremo while she lazed about in the sun. That was a little under an hour ago.

Ridiculous.

Law looked up when he heard the pat of paws slowly approaching him. "Do not light my papers on fire," he said.

Miremo stopped and sat just out of touching distance. True to her word, he guessed(??) the creature didn't light it on fire, but she did swipe her paw against it curiously.

"Y/N-ya uses paper all the time, you know what it is," he said sternly. "Stop touching it." Miremo kept pawing at it until she was able to lift one enough to get her paw under it. "Stop!"

Law snatched the paper and glared at the animal who looked back at him with a neutral expression.

"Room!"

A small blue bubble enveloped them. Miremo stood up immediately, ears flat against her skull and teeth bared. It was hard not to focus the terrifying length of her fangs.

They glared each other down. "Don't make me..." Law warned. Miremo lowered herself as if ready to pounce.

Somewhere in Law's head he could almost hear your voice: Please keep an eye on her. Y/N would kill him...or at least try to. Your punches nor your sniper skills were a joke.

He sighed and let the bubble flicker into nothing. "No more messing with my work, understand?"

How does she manage this thing? Law marveled. Or get anything done for that matter.

Miremo relaxed slowly. She sat and licked her paw before scrubbing her ear and blinking at him curiously. Otherwise, she was still. "Good...kitty?" Law tried the phrase out, he heard you say it to her often. He grimaced, the words feeling strange in his mouth, and went back to work.

He got twenty minutes of peace before Miremo kept closer, slowly. Law looked up to make sure he wasn't about to get eaten or scorched then tried his best to ignore her.

And then a heavy paw knocked his shoulder. He sighed, "what?"

He was surprised to have Miremo nuzzle against his shoulder. Was she purring? "What? What did I do?"

Puzzled, that would be a word to describe Law. Utterly puzzled the the cat rubbed around him and purred. "Okay..." Miremo's fur was soft and warm like Bepo's but much longer. She smelled like embers and the soft scent of you. Law ran his fingers through it and scratched between her ears.

A soft smile spread on his lips, his work somewhat forgotten. How often did he get to pet a fire cat? "Clearly you're not sick or injured."

She purred more in response and settled down next to him. Shortly after she shut her eyes and slept.

LATER

"Captain! You didn't have to sit outside with her!" Your eyes glowed with appreciation. Truly, you would've been happy if he glanced at her a few times while you were gone.

You couldn't believe he'd moved all his stuff outside just to look after Miremo. It made your heart warm and something flutter in your stomach.

He had moved his books and journal back in to his office with your help. You insisted on it, which only made Shachi and Penguin snicker. He was decidedly not going to read into that. His friends are idiots, that's all.

"I did as you asked, don't read into it," Law said. "And don't expect me to keep doing it."

Except this was the third time I've done as you asked, he thought. The idea that he wouldn't be able to stop scared him.

You didn't notice Law's internal battle, just grateful that he had helped you even if it put him in a sour mood. "Well." You reached into your bag. "I figured you hadn't had lunch by now so..."

You placed the wrapped rice ball on his desk. "It's a thank you," you said, trying to convey how sincere you were, "and payment. I really appreciated it, Law, really."

"Sure. You're welcome, Y/N-ya."

With that you left to finish sorting out the items you bought. Miremo followed you out of Law's office looking pleased.

#one piece #one piece x you #law x y/n #law x reader #trafalgardwaterlaw

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sarucane · 1 year ago

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Why did Ed think becoming a fisherman made any sense at all?

Seriously, this was always a ridiculous idea. Stede gets zero blame for laughing the first time Ed says it--it's an even crazier and more extreme whim than Ed saying "we'll go to China." And it's reasonable that it blindsides Stede for Ed to be leaving--a few hours ago Ed was making Stede breakfast in bed and taking Stede out to his favorite restaurant, and now he's leaving forever. That's a hell of a mindfuck there. So why does Ed think it makes sense to follow this whim?

Ed starts this episode by throwing away his leathers. He's trying to discard and excise the 'kraken' part of his personality, trying to consciously transform into something else (hence wearing Button's clothes).

At first, he's also trying to embrace being with Stede.

He volunteers information that shows how important Stede is to him by describing the mermaid vision. But, just like when he told Stede about how "sometimes it's nice to just be patient," Ed's not directly owning his feelings here. He's skimming right past the fact that it was he, himself, who was choosing (unconsciously, but still choosing) to die, and his bond to Stede is why he came back. In fact, the closest he comes to actually saying he felt a certain way is by admitting he panicked over the twine.

And Stede, who just feels so secure in this relationship right now, more comfortable in his skin than we've ever seen him, just does not get Ed's insecurity. He doesn't reassure Ed by saying "the breakfast is great with or without the twine" he says "it actually made it!" And when Ed tells about the vision, Stede doesn't seem to register how big a deal it was.

They're not communicating here, they're just not. They've had this very intimate experience, but there's still distance between them. The visuals reinforce this: they're at opposite ends of the bed, they don't come close to touching at any point in the scene. Ed's dressed and Stede's comfortably naked.

Ed snuck out of bed and went to throw his leathers away by himself. He doesn't tell Stede what he's done, and Stede doesn't comment on Ed walking around in Buttons' clothes. Ed's thrown away the kraken--and then he watches Stede embrace being "a sea god."

And this fear and disconnection to Stede goes right back to how Ed's been acting ever since he came back. He's not been opening up to Stede. He's not been willing to get vulnerable with Stede again; he doesn't trust himself not to wreck it and get his heart broken, and he doesn't trust Stede not to break his heart. The filmmaking choices (bless this amazing meta for explaining it all) have been signaling this ever since they found each other again: they love each other, but they're on different wavelengths.

Ed's trust in Stede is brittle, even before he gets the idea that he and Stede want different things out of life (piracy vs anything-but-piracy). So, Ed goes out and sits with himself. Then he takes Izzy's suggestion and he listens to himself, to his desire not to live a certain life anymore.

But rather than deciding to talk to Stede about this, he decides he's going to leave before the conversation even starts.

Ed gets really, really close to real communication with Stede here. He admits that he doesn't feel safe in the relationship, and that the speed and intensity that Stede has reveled in have made Ed feel less safe.

And even now, even though he lost all track of Ed for a big chunk of the day and now he's being surprised by deep withdrawal--Stede is still all in. He could have been heartbroken or angry. He could have panicked and apologized, or frozen and shut down the conversation.

Instead, Stede listens. And he tries to make good on what he told Ed: "I love everything about you."

But Ed doesn't really hear this, because he doesn't trust Stede, the connection between them, or himself. Because "Trust no one" includes not trusting oneself.

Rather than engaging with what Stede actually says, Ed starts ranting, and uses his own insecurities to push Stede away. Stede's right, it is panic.

Stede mirrors Ed's body language all through this part of the scene. He gets what's happening, understands insecurity and what it can trigger (particularly related to an insecurity of "I'm bad for you you're better off without me") deeply--which is why it's so easy for him to forgive this later.

But while Stede understands exactly what's going on now that Ed's finally talking to him directly, for Ed it's all confusing and happening much too fast. So he shuts down, lashes out, and bails out.

Figuring himself out is complicated, navigating his relationship with Stede is complicated, trust and self-realization are complicated. Fishing, on the other hand, is simple. Unlike love or psychological integration, there's no risks in fishing.

#our flag means death #ofmd #ofmd s2 spoilers #ofmd s2 #ofmd spoilers #ed teach #ofmd meta #stede bonnet #blackbonnet #gentlebeard #edward teach #blackbeard #seriously ed catching a fish and being a fisherman are not the same thing #you're worse than stede deciding now he'll be a pirate captain #cause at least he thought it through even if half of what he thought was wrong #nothing's simple man and no one is simple either #there are plenty of risks in fishermaning ed ended up regressing to childhood abuse within a few hours that's not how life works man

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ephemeralgalaxies · 1 year ago

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Y'ALL. Re-listening to The Penumbra Podcast (s3 now lol bc yes I am specifically looking for Nureyev lore since s4/5 new info) and Man in Glass has me SOBBING IT WAS RIGHT THERE ALL ALONG.

s3ep2, Buddy telling Nureyev his "calling card"

Buddy: "An endoring moral core, coupled with a strong desire to excise that core completely...like having a heart embarrasses you. I brought you on this ship for that moral core. If I distrust you, darling, it is only because you have proven that you can do anything you set your mind to, and so I am certain that you are capable of excising those morals for good. You just haven't done it yet."

Then later, s3ep2 still, Nureyev is talking with Juno in his room and Nureyev narrates:

Nureyev: 'I feel the weight of potentiality sit heavy on my shoulders, I hear Buddy's words about the excision of my moral core and about my ability to do it. And I realize, for the first time, that there is a kind of helplessness in complete freedom[...]when trouble arises, I disappear. [...]but looking at this new man [Juno], there is nothing I want more than to stay.'

AND THEN AND THEN IN S5ep14 The Sixteen Tons,,, yeah I know this line by heart :')

Nureyev and Juno talking (arguing) after Juno takes him into the closet at the facility (near the beginning of the ep)

Nureyev: "I do not want to see you anymore, Juno."

Juno: "...What?!"

Nureyev: "You said that it would just take those words to excise you from my life entirely, didn't you? Well, I've said them..."

THE EXACT WORD CHOICE. THE WAY HE WANTED TO STAY ON THE SHIP AND JOIN THE AURINKO CRIME FAMILY FOR (money, but also) JUNO. BECAUSE JUNO IS HIS MORAL CORE, THEIR MORALS DO ALIGN. THAT'S WHY THEY WORK SO WELL. SO OFC HE HAS TO "EXCISE" JUNO TO CARRY ON WITH THIS.

Because the reality of it: keeping someone between life and death for YEARS, helping fund the Big Pharma that has vowed to safe Slip and yet also commits such horrific acts, but he has to do it or else he never gets to know Slip or have someone know him as he thinks they should bc surely he must not be worth all of this to Juno, the lady's just being stubborn again and inconsiderate, but deep down Nureyev KNOWS that's not it at all. He knows that Juno does know him and will continue to know more about him, and if he can do that and love Nureyev... well, that means Nureyev could have a future.

But Nureyev has been trying to stretch out the future for over 20 years. He's set his mind to it, and he can do anything he sets his mind to. Including destroying himself until there is nothing left to bother with a future anyway. Until there is nothing for Juno Steel to know and love and so he gets the punishment he believes so adamantly that he deserves long before Juno first left him in that hotel room.

If he is alone, then when trouble comes he can just disappear. If he is alone, there is no one to hurt when that bomb goes off.

#juno and nureyev being character foils will always destroy me #yes I know they have many similarities for character foil label but so do Aang and Zuko and look where we are #also the way Nureyev finally realized Juno HATED Zola in s3ep2 bc he is morally disgusted by her — as is Nureyev's words #IN THE SAME EPISODE that Buddy talks about knowing Juno is Nureyev's reason AND that he can excise those morals if needs be #It is that being what Nureyev admires most about Juno but also the reason he must push him away to continue down this path #Because Juno already almost died for him. Nureyev cant have Juno living for him #Train from Nowhere also makes me sob if u cant tell #the penumbra podcast #long post #ehe #tpp #tpp s1 #tpp s3 #tpp s5 #tpp s5 spoilers #tpp spoilers #just in case #jupeter #juno steel #peter nureyev #peter ransom #juno x peter #buddy aurinko #my beloved mother #the aurinko crime family

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kingsonne-zedecks · 8 days ago

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Cradle Snippet

"Now, what to do with you?" Eithan Arelius said, looking down at the kneeling form of Jai Long. "Just how much trouble are you worth to me?"

Jai Long said nothing, knowing his life was in the hands of the Underlord.

Eithan stroked his chin with his hand as he continued.

"I find myself in a rather rare situation. I win no matter what I choose, and so do you! How marvelous."

He produced the Ancestors Spear from behind his back and Jai Long could not help but look up to track its movement with his eyes.

"I could just give you this you know? Give you everything you've ever wanted. Power, revenge, the ability to take your fate into your own hands. I could just set you loose on the Jai—a thorn in Daishou's side—digging away at his strength, distracting from his efforts to destroy my family. We could be done with each other here and now and we would both win."

Jai Long could not help the expression of need and want that crossed his face at the Undelords words. Normally the scripted bandages wrapped around his head would serve to disguise such things, but against the eyes of the Arelius they proved worthless.

"Oh ho, you like this plan? Yes, I rather thought you might. But then, consider an alternative. I give you the spear, and bind you to my service for the duration of one year. Rather than a child swingly wildly in the dark you will become my tool, and I will use you like a scalpel to excise the rot of the Jai. You will be granted recompense for your actions on my behalf. Traditionally, this would be advancement resources and scales, but given the nature of this weapon... perhaps you would wish to take payment in the form of treatment for your sister instead?"

Jai Long's eyes bulged out of his head, and he could not stop himself from bursting out in gratitude, prostrating himself on the floor at the feet of the Arelius.

"The Underlord is too kind! This Jai Long swears to your ser—"

"Ah, ah ah" Eithan interrupted. "Let's not be hasty, we haven't yet discussed the last of our options."

Jai Long slammed his head back to the floor, sweat beading at the base of his neck, and cursed himself for his foolish interruption.

"Now, treatment for your sister is all well and good. But that's for her, even the revenge is for her to an extent. What about you, Jai Long? What do you desire?"

Jai Long felt the tip of the Ancestors Spear impose itself between his forehead and the stone floor of the Transcendent Ruins, as the Underlord leveraged his head upwards to look him in the eyes. He flinched as the blade twisted, and the strips of cloth with which he hid from the world fell loose, exposing his deformity.

"Ah yes... an unfortunate consequence of a desperate decision. You could continue to advance of course, at later stages you can exert some level of control over your goldsign, you could attempt to minimize it if you desired. Of course, you would never truly be free of it that way."

Jai Long froze what little movement remained in his body, going completely still at the implied 'or'.

Eithan Arelius grinned at him as if he could read his thoughts.

"Yes, or. There are indeed ways to revert a goldsign. Painful, horrible awful ways, but it can be done. Of course, pain is not the only reason few choose to go that route. For one, it is horrendously expensive, and for another... Quick question—how attached are you to your advancement?"

The Underlord didn't bother waiting for an answer.

"Jai Long, if you let me, I will unravel your soul. I will tear you to shreds and extract every last piece of the monster that dared harm your sister. I will break you and destroy you, and then... if you will let me, I will build you up again from a new foundation."

Jai Long was silent as he considered the offer. For years he had wanted for nothing more than what was now being promised to him. A chance to take it all back and resume life the way it should have been. A way to go back to being the perfect scion of the Jai as he was supposed to be. To gain the influence that would see his sister treated the way she should be.

For years longer, that desire had twisted and festered. He could not stand for his face to be seen, even by himself. It was the representation of everything that had gone wrong, everything he hated about the Jai, and by extension, himself.

"Now, of course this will render you useless to me in the short term. I view this option as something of a... long term investment. As such I would require your service for a period no less than 5 years, and if—in the end—you choose to return to the Jai, well... I wouldn't mind Daishou's replacement being someone I have a more friendly relationship with." he said with a smile.

"Now. I'd like one thing to be perfectly clear now Jai Long." The Underlord said softly, as he crouched down to look him in the eyes. The jovial mask had dropped to reveal an intense seriousness that made Jai Long shudder.

"I don't like you. You are a brute and a thug, and I have little patience for men of your temperament. Desperation, resentment and rage are powerful motivators for advancement but they come at a cost. If you so choose, I will be your crucible in the sacred arts, but you must temper your personal weaknesses yourself.

"I truly hope you will consider this avenue of self improvement. I would prefer to end this effort with more than a leashed dog to show for it, but that will up to you."

The Underlord stood and his grin returned as if it had never left. He turned to leave the room but paused at the door.

"Oh yes, one last thing. I know the location of the lost ancestral city of the Jai should you wish to follow the Path of the Broken Star once your soul has been purged.

"Just something to consider. Anyway—seek me out once you have made your decision. Goodbye."

And then Jai Long was alone.

#cradle series #cradle will wight #kingsonne writes stuff #jai long #eithan arelius #snippet

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theaudientvoid · 8 months ago

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So, since both DC and Marvel are currently launching initiatives to created "simplified" continuities in a bid to attract new readers, I should probably do a periodic reminder about why efforts to "simplify" continuity almost never work, and even if they did, I don't think that simplified continuity is nearly as laudable goal as many people seem to thing.

In practice, attempts to simplify continuity almost always end up making continuity more complicated. Let's take the Marvel's current attempt, relaunching the Ultimate Universe. This is meant to be a new universe that readers can pick up of the rack without having to worry about decades of continuity baggage. So far, so good. The problem is that this is the second time that Marvel has done this trick using this exact name. So now, any time a prospective new reader hears about Ultimate Spider-Man, well which one are they hearing about. The old one from the 2000s who was a teenager, or the new one that's, like, 35?

The fate of the original Ultimate Universe is instructive. It went on for over a decade, and by the end had built up its own convoluted continuity, such that Marvel eventually decided to just pull the plug and merge it over into the main universe.

Now, keep in mind, the "New" Ultimate Universe is selling like hot cakes. Ultimate Spider-Man is currently out selling the main Spider-Man book. But how much of that is from "simplified" continuity, and how much of that is because Marvel editorial is committed to maintaining a status quo for the character in the main universe that many readers find uninteresting? (They still haven't undone One More Day.)

It's also instructive that Marvel chose to reuse the "Ultimate" name. If they really wanted to excise continuity baggage, presumably they'd pick an entirely new name, to prevent any threat of namespace collision. But that's not what they did. Presumably, they were hoping to capitalize on any residual good will associated with the Ultimate brand left over from the original Ultimate universe. Which new readers, who supposedly hate continuity, won't have.

All that being said, though, is "simplifying" continuity even all that worthy a goal in the first place? I'm not convinced it is. So, like, the thing to keep in mind is that Marvel and DC's business model is oriented around selling single issues to a small pool of collectors at exorbitant prices. Once a issues initial print run(s) end, it becomes an afterthought from the standpoint of the decision makers at the big two.

So, from the perspective of convincing randoms off the street to buy the latest issue of Batman, that decades of continuity baggage probably is an impediment. But, I would argue, it's not nearly as big an impediment that as the fact that single issues are a) expensive as fuck, and b) only sold in specialized stores. If you want to grow the population of comic readers, the biggest things you need to do are lower the price, and sell them in places that normies actually go to.

DC recently, with relatively little fanfare, started an initiative to sell collected additions of a handful of classic stories from their back catalog in regular book stores. Importantly, however, these special collections all collect 12 issues, and cost only $10. For comparison, ordinary trade paperbacks collect 6 issues and cost $17. Single issues run you $4 or $5. This is an okay start, but not nearly enough. If I was in charge of DC or Marvel, I would start by aggressively marketing our back catalog to non-comic readers at significantly reduced prices. Note that this would still allow us to continue selling single issues to super fans at full price, while also having a realistic prospect of growing the market. Because the idea that Marvel or DC can get people into comics by convincing them to walk into a comic shop off the street and pay $5 per issue for the latest crossover event is just absurd.

#comics #dc #marvel

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markrosewater · 9 months ago

Text

Elegance

Here’s my original article for Elegance.

This is a topic I’ve wanted to write about for a long time. Ironically, the words needed to explain the concept kept the column from being elegant. So I did what all artists do. I found a way to say a lot in a little space.

Enjoy,

Mark Rosewater

[NOTE: EACH OF THE ABOVE FIFTY WORDS IS HYPERLINKED. BELOW IS THE FIFTY HYPER LINKS. THE HEADERS SHOULDN’T BE ON THE LINKED PAGE. I’M JUST INCLUDING THEM SO YOU KNOW WHAT EACH LINK IS.]

ELEGANCE

Merriam-Webster’s Collegiate Dictionary has five definitions for elegance:

• refined grace or dignified propriety

• tasteful richness of design or ornamentation

• dignified, gracefulness or restrained beauty of style

• scientific precision, neatness and simplicity

• something that is elegant

The common elements appear to be dignity, simplicity, and taste.

THIS

Elegance requires thinking, but it also requires feeling. Elegant prose is judged by how it makes the reader feel. It needs to generate a sense of calm that puts the reader at ease. Everything in your writing should feel as if it was carefully positioned to create the proper effect.

Pound for pound, the writer’s greatest writing tool is the verb. Nouns add substance and adjectives add flourish, but it’s the verb that drives the sentence. Choose a strong, descriptive verb and the sentence has flair and purpose. Choose a weak one and the sentence lacks any sense of drama.

Here’s a little game to test an elegance relevant skill (based on an old game called Inklings). Randomly choose a noun. Try to convey that noun to the other players using the least number of letters possible. You’ll be surprised how much you can communicate in just a few letters.

TOPIC

One of the greatest stumbling blocks to elegance is the inability to choose a single focus. Elegance requires simplicity. Simplicity requires a single purpose of thought. This means that elegance starts before you write a single word. A good sculptor must know his image before he picks up his chisel.

I’VE

One of the common misconceptions of elegance is that it requires a writer to be fancy. Elegance though is more about familiarity than formality. You shouldn’t be afraid of friendlier language such as slang or contractions, assuming that such language adds an element of ease rather than one of laziness.

WANTED

An important element of elegance is a sense of passion. Brevity does not mean pulling away emotionally from words, but rather the opposite. When you find yourself limited to fewer words, you must pack each individual word with extra emotional punch. You are not reducing your message, simply your messenger.

A good tool in understanding elegance is studying poetry. Poetry is the most concise of all written art forms. It strives to maximize impact while minimizing expression. Each word carries the burden of evoking some essence of the poet’s message. If it cannot carry its own weight, it is excised.

WRITE

To be an elegant writer, you have to become a student of prose. You have to study the mechanics of language to understand how it can be shaped. Once you have learned how to transfer the feeling in your head into meaningful words, you are on the path to elegance.

ABOUT

Be careful not to fall in love with ambiguity. While intoxicating in its beauty, it is the enemy of elegance. Remember, the goal is not to make the reader struggle for comprehension. Rather it is to lead them to the obvious conclusion. Elegance should be used to illuminate, not confuse.

FOR

Elegant prose requires connecting with your reader. To do this, you have to understand who that reader is. Nothing should come before this task. It needs to be done before writing can begin. I like to compare this to planning a trip. Maps are useless until you know your destination.

Another major key to elegance is the understanding of the importance of the tiniest detail. Just as a chain is only as strong as its weakest link, a piece of prose is only as tight as its messiest detail. A good writer doesn’t stop at the nouns, verbs and adjectives.

LONG

Don’t confuse elegance with brevity. Elegant things are short not because they have to be but because the difficulty to craft an elegant piece of prose combined with the limitations of time forces writers to be brief. Elegant novels, for example, do exist, but they are few and far between.

TIME

To quote Roman orator (and letter writer) Marcus T. Cicero, “If I had more time, I would have written a shorter letter.”

Simplicity takes more time not less. Anyone can get a point across with ten thousand words. But a true artist can do it in ten (or possibly fifty).

IRONICALLY

Irony is a potent tool for commentary. Its genius lies in the fact that it comments not on what is, but rather on what isn’t. Like all good humor, irony makes you laugh. But like the best type of humor, it also makes you think. It’s both funny and funny.

THE

Elegance in writing is about more than words. Equally important is how the words are woven together. Tempo, pacing, rhythm – these are the tools that set the mood for the piece. Try reading aloud your text. The natural beat of language is more suited for the ear than the eye.

WORDS

To realize the power of words, you must first understand how they work. Art is expressive; words are connotative. That is, words draw their power from their ability to extract different ideas from different people. A circle is a circle, but the concept of “scary” varies from person to person.

NEEDED

Elegance is not the result of any one attribute. It is the combination of numerous factors coming together in harmony. This is why it’s such a hard skill to master. Most people can pat their head or rub their tummy. But put them together and it’s not quite so easy.

An elegant piece of prose needs to hit the reader at a gut level. Often they won’t know exactly why they like it, but they will recognize that something about the piece moves them. There are many types of writing where subtlety is lost. Elegant writing isn’t one of them.

EXPLAIN

There are many ways for you to explain an idea. The most elegant one though is not through definition but by example. By connecting your idea to one already known by the reader, you’re leaving the work of teaching to someone in the past. Education is hard. Comparison is easy.

THE

If writing is like building a house, the structure is like the foundation. Its design will dictate how the house is built. If it’s faulty, no amount of fancy brickwork will undo the damage. So take the time to ensure your structure is building the kind of prose you want.

CONCEPT

Never underestimate the power of a concept. An important part of elegance is condensing big ideas into little words. This is far from an easy task. It often takes a genius an entire lifetime to create a truly innovative concept. So take advantage of all their hard work and inspiration.

KEPT

A common barrier to elegance is the belief that only one way will work. Often a writer is unable to abandon a beloved piece of prose even when evidence demonstrates otherwise. If something doesn’t add to the larger sense of the piece, you have to learn to let it go.

THE

Readers notice things at a minute level far beyond their mind’s ability to interpret. This means that although they may not consciously notice many of your tiny details, they will do so unconsciously. Aesthetics teach us that it’s this unconscious structure that will determine whether or not it feels “right”.

COLUMN

All communicators, whether through speaking or print, need to find a voice. A voice provides familiarity and it teaches the listener or reader how to more quickly absorb the information. Elegance is all about the conservation of ideas. Having a pre-learned voice to guide you is a very valuable tool.

FROM

I’ve spent some time talking about understanding your reader. But there is one more person who is even more important to understand – yourself. Writing is about sharing your ideas with others. If you haven’t spent the time to figure out what you think, how can you possibly communicate it?

BEING

“A picture is worth a thousand words.”

Or so the saying goes. What the cliché forgets to mention is how many words a single word is worth. For example, take the word “being”. To capture the essence of what “being” represents is tens of thousands of words if not more.

ELEGANT

What is the value of being elegant? Why should you care? Elegance adds aesthetics. It evokes poetry. It grants beauty. Elegant prose draws the reader closer because it gives them something to not just learn but to admire. Good prose stimulates the head, but elegant prose resonates in the heart.

Who, what, where, when, how - all important questions. But for a writer they pale next to why. If you don’t understand the reasoning beneath the surface, the other details are irrelevant. The act of elegance is cementing the why. It’s taking the purpose and engraining it into the piece.

Elegance is a very personal thing. If something doesn’t resonate with you, there’s no way for it to resonate with your reader. Writing is an art, not a science. There is no rulebook for how things must be done. If your instincts are telling you that something isn’t working, listen.

DID

An important tool in your toolbox is time. Elegance cannot be rushed. Mental ruts only get deeper the harder you focus on them. Make sure to work time into your schedule so you are able to walk away from your writing. An hour next week is worth a day today.

WHAT

Don’t let attention to detail pull you away from having a larger sense of what you’re writing. Take this column as an example. While I spent a lot of time fine tuning each entry I never lost sight of the effect they created when all the entries were put together.

ALL

Elegance requires taking a holistic view of writing. Every word, every sentence, every paragraph is a piece in a larger puzzle. It’s not enough to understand the impact of a single element. You must understand how any two elements interact if you want to understand the potency of your text.

ARTISTS

Elegance and art are very intertwined. Both seek to achieve a similar goal: to illuminate and inspire with a conservation of expression. If you’re trying to be elegant, I think it helps to think of yourself as an artist. The instinct for the latter mirrors the needs of the former.

An important part of any writing is understanding the feeling you’re trying to evoke. And then realizing what mechanic tools you have available to evoke that feeling. Diction, verb tense, sentence length, alliteration, word flow, phonetic juxtaposition – each of these will control the mood and tone of your piece.

A writer’s life is the ultimate fodder. Don’t be ashamed to plumb your own experiences. You understand them deeper and more personally than anyone else. No painter would refuse to use his finest paints. And, as a bonus, by using your own experiences, you will become better educated about yourself.

FOUND

Don’t forget that the act of revealing is also an act of exploration. Don’t be afraid if you learn more than the reader you’re trying to educate. Writing is not an exact science. (Or even an exact art.) Often you will find that the road to salvation has a fork.

Your future is paved with your past. If you want to learn how to grow as a writer, you need to look back at what you’ve written. With time and a detached eye, your will find your mistakes become clearer. Remember that it’s failure, not success, that bests drives education.

WAY

The problem with looking for a single solution is that you’ll never find more than one. And the first one isn’t always the best. But if you’re open to the possibility that every problem has an infinite number of answers, you’ll have the freedom of choosing the solution you want.

Sentences are filled with freeloaders. Because writers seem to love overwriting. (I include myself in this camp.) Make sure to create time for the editor side of you to prune unnecessary words. If a word can be excised without any harm to the sentence, it has no right being there.

SAY

I’m spending my time today talking about elegance in prose, but most of what I’m saying is applicable in speech. The key difference is that prose has less defining attributes like appearance or tone. The key to elegant speech is making people focus on the words rather than everything else.

It’s ironic that something designed to be so simple can be so complex. But that, my faithful readers, is the joy (and mystery) of elegance. Like an onion, elegance has numerous layers that reveal themselves as you slowly peel them away. Oh yeah, and it can sometimes make you cry.

LOT

An interesting exercise is to look at each word you’re using and think about how much content is loaded in that word. Then explore what other words exist that fulfill the same role but with added content. Once you’ve found the word you can’t best, move onto the next word.

A good way to get better at understanding elegance is to look for it in every day life. I think you’ll be pleasantly surprised where and how often you find it. Study each example carefully and try to see if you can put your finger on what makes it work.

Writing is a shared endeavor. No one owns the words. If someone uses a technique that works, there’s no shame in borrowing it. Like science, writing creates technology that’s brought back to the group to spur further advancements. Elegance is hard enough to accomplish without refusing to use the toolbox.

LITTLE

How big should a piece of text be if you want it to be elegant? The answer is as big as it needs to be – and not a word more. Just think of it as playing the game Jenga. Keep pulling words out of your prose until it collapses.

SPACE

One of the most important lessons in art is learning the value of negative space, the idea that the eyes are equally drawn to what isn’t there. Prose has a very similar quality. When writing pay careful attention to what you aren’t saying. Often it will speak the loudest volume.

ENJOY

For some reason people tend to equate dignity with seriousness. And as such they come to the false conclusion that elegance has no room for humor. Ironic as humor is one of the most elegant of styles. A good joke is no longer than is necessary to do its job.

MARK

As is always true when I head off the beaten path, I am curious to hear your feedback. What did you think of this article? Was it entertaining? Was it educational? Did you actually read all fifty links? And if not, why not?

Tell me. Inquiring mind wants to know.

ROSEWATER

I couldn’t end this week’s column without my trademark closing. I mean, how inelegant would that be?

Join me next week when I go from being a letter man to a Letterman.

Until then, may you learn to appreciate now just the “what” but the “how” and “why”.

Mark Rosewater

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