#so I thought I wanted to practice transitions and why not edit one of my favs eh?

[tspstuff]

hey psst @lexumpysfunland I did something (again...)

nearly 4 hours but definitely worth it.

[gnabnahc-143]

Love is what we make of it | L.K

Pairing: Lee know x reader

Summary: You knew love with him wouldn’t be easy, but you were willing to do anything for him. As you transitioned from best friends to lovers, you start to crave more than what he’s giving—more than he could ever give.

Genre and notes: angst?, This is really mindless honestly, breakup, childhood friends-to-lovers, breakup, lee knows a bit bad at feelings😅

wc: 2.4k

Song suggestions: things I wish you said to me - Sabrina Carpenter

Edit: pt.2 out now🤭

You treasured his presence, the love he made you feel and yet you couldn’t help but deny the love he actually gave, the love one would usually act upon. Lee Minho was a strange man, one who you thought had a lot of love to give and yet not many ways to show it, your suspicions were confirmed when you first told him you loved him.

You were sitting on your living room floor with him, eating Chinese takeout whilst a scarily terrible horror movie plays, a tradition you’ve both kept for years, even during his busy trainee days. Growing up with him meant you were one of the only people who knew the way to destress him, who knew when to comfort him and when truly the only thing he needed was silence instead of a badgering voice telling him all he already knew.

“Why did we choose this movie again?” You grimaced as another expected jump scare came.

“I was feeling critical, needed something to judge” he said, a lazy smile decorating his face.

“Didn’t you do enough judging in practice?” You joked, shaking your head.

“Yeah and I’m trying to keep the momentum up so come on, that cgi is fucking horrendous, I could do better on imovie” he laughed, a belly laugh, as he tried to get his point across.

From then on, you knew all he needed from his stressful day was denial, ignorance to reality. So you joined in, not once mentioning his job, whether or not he’s okay, silently checking up on him, but that was it, silently.

As the night came to an end, he took his cue to leave back to his dorms when you remembered a very important surprise you left cuddling your pillow as it slept.

“WAIT I almost forgot my very special surprise” you grinned.

Rushing into your room you grabbed the little ball of fluff gently, ready to see the inevitable smile on Minho’s face. Walking slowly back to the living room you saw him right where you left him, as you whispered his name, his eyes turned wide as he caught the sight of what was sleeping tightly in your arms.

His eyes shone brightly, moving to gaze at the small kitten in your arms, enthralled by how easily you’re always able to pull him back to earth from whatever dissociative state being an idol could leave him. “Who’s this?” He asked with a grin and a small voice, fearing of waking up the angel in your arms

“Nemo” you grinned as you proudly admitted the pun of a name you came up with to match one of the cats he oh so cherished. You knew you accomplished your mission when he went quiet, no emotion showed on his face except the hint of a teary eye he tried to hold back. What you did not expect were the words that came next.

“I love you.” He admitted, emotions still a stranger to his face.

“What?” You blurted, shocked. You knew he loved you but before right know, you thought it would only ever be platonic.

“Shocking right” he chuckled “I was never good at showing how I feel, and yet you always knew. My biggest flaw, and yet you seemed to look past it, telling me it’s okay to bad at it, to have hope that someone in the future could accept it too. But as time went on, I realized that the only person I wanted it to be, the only person I will ever need in my life, will always be you. I know I’m difficult, I won’t be the perfect boyfriend, I won’t show my love normally, more so I don’t know how to, but I’ll try it all as long as it’s with you” he admitted.

Your heart was beating embarrassingly fast, this was a moment you never thought in your wildest dreams could be a reality, but it was and it was yours. You knew then on, ever since the start of the relationship, that it wouldn’t be an easy one. Even before the relationship, you knew you wouldn’t feel love the same way with him as with others, but you were okay with that and you embraced his imperfections with your whole heart. You always thought in your daydreams of your relationship with him that you’d be okay with his unique way of showing affection, that you could be the one to embrace it proudly, going as far to promise him that the way he showed love didn’t matter to you as long as he loved you. That was before you truly felt what it was like to be at the end of this affection.

A relationship with Minho was unpredictable, one day he’d shower you with kisses, his clingy side took a hold of him as you were met with endless cuddles and loving gazes. On another day he settled with silent love, homemade dinners left in the fridge when he knew he’d be too busy to come over, playful teasing to mask the immense love he felt for you, buying your now shared kitten every single cat toy he would ever need. However as months passed by, the honeymoon phase came and left like the wind, all that was left was silent gestures to show he cared but no love felt from him, only the love his mere existence made you feel. The love you would hold for him no matter what, not ever triggered by his own actions.

“Hey honey” you smiled to him as he entered your now shared living room. He kept his eyes down as he entered the house with a big sigh, not saying a word only leaving you with a kiss on the forehead as he went to shower. Your smile fell, you knew his aforementioned problem with affection coupled with his demanding job would take a toll on your relationship, but you never doubted the forever in his “I love yous” until recently. As your relationship became meeting at night when he would come home, only to leave early in the morning not taking time to eat breakfast with you, and a string of phone calls occasionally through out the day filled with mindless conversations.

You always thought you could handle a distant relationship, as long as it was with him you told yourself. After knowing just what that entailed, you no longer knew if you could continue being this strong, if you could handle a love that essentially felt one sided. That’s when you accepted that maybe this was never meant to be forever.

It became worse as stray kids gained even more popularity leading to a world tour he was so excited to tell you about, and although you were thrilled to see all his hard work pay off, the thought of a tour meant even more distance and you didn’t know if you could handle that. Mustering up a smile to hide your tears you hugged him tight congratulating him and assuring that this was the least of what he deserved.

As he ended the call you burst into tears as you knew you had to face the inevitable sooner or later, and just like the passing spring, your strength to hold on passed right as he arrived in America. You were lonely, desperately so, his calls became less and less frequent as time zones clashed and schedules overtook, it didn’t help that one of his many imperfections you once promised your ability to overlook was the rarity of his “I love yous” or even now his “I miss yous”. Texts filled with questions of how your day was, updates on his trips, photos of things that remind him of you. Yet you can’t help but feel unrequited love, a feeling you thought would never change, leading you to a decision you never thought you’d make.

You wanted to stay, in fact your feet refused to leave your shared apartment, wanting to savor every moment of this life you were thinking of leaving behind. You called him one last time in a desperate attempt to stay, to hear him say he loved you that he’d change, and yet you knew he wouldn’t…he couldn’t and that wasn’t his fault, but maybe you just weren’t the right person to accept that.

“Hi this is minho, if you’re trying to reach me-“ you hung up as you recognized the voicemail message playing, tears came to your eyes as you finally accepted the inevitable. He deserved an explanation, he deserved more than a half empty closet, an empty clearly not slept in bed, and a pair of keys as he came back home from tour. That was not how you’d end your relationship, because even through all of it you still loved him, and you could never be as cruel as to do so.

So you called him back, expecting the sound of his voicemail to play so you could send one last message to him. Instead you heard his voice call out “y/n?” and instantly your mission had become that much harder. “Minho…um hey I wasn’t expecting for you to actually pick up” you responded hesitantly.

“I could hang up if you wanted” he joked, you would normal chuckle at his teasing but your head was filled to the brim with nerves and worry, so much so that you didn’t realize the whisper that came out of your mouth

“That might be easier honestly” you whispered

“What? Y/n what’s wrong? First you call me Minho instead of your incessant nicknames and now this, have I… have I done something wrong?” The worry in his voice again increased the difficulty as well as your hesitancy.

“I want to break up.” You blurted before your thoughts could consume you and take his worries as the only form of apology you’d ever need. Silence took over the other line, you feared his reaction, not cause you thought he’d get mad and start shouting but because you thought the lack of it would break your heart. That the expected “alright I’m sorry if I did anything wrong, can we be friends?” would break your heart.

“Why?” was all he said, you could hear his voice quiver, and your eyes softened recognizing the tone of voice as the sadness he always tried to hide but only you could completely see through.

You clenched your eyes as you braved yourself for a long talk. “I will always love you, I have always loved you, and before you started loving me I thought I could be the one to understand you, the way you thought no one could. But maybe my place to understand it was as your best friend, not your lover which expectantly made me want more, and you deserve someone that could appreciate the way you show love not just settle for it.” You sighed, getting ready to confess to what led to your decision. “So yes, I love you but I can’t continue being in a relationship where I keep thinking the only love in it was mine. I can’t be chasing for a requited love in a relationship I’m already in, no one expects a relationship with unrequited love.”

“Please don’t, don’t do this, I love you okay I love you so much and fuck I hate that I don’t know how to express it but I can try alright, I’ve BEEN trying. I’d do anything for you and I realize I may be unconventional but my love for you is still as strong if not more than your love for me” he ranted.

“I don’t know what to tell you…I never thought I’d be the person to need to feel it to know it but as we go on, I can’t live in this relationship having constant doubt of whether you love me! I just can’t.” You replied teary eyed, it took all of your strength not to give in.

“BUT I DO! I’ve tried my best and I can’t lose you just because what I thought was my best want good enough. I thought you were happy- if I would’ve known, maybe I could’ve changed. Just please…give me a chance to change” he started to cry.

“I don’t want you to change for me….don’t you get it, I’m leaving not just because I thought you didn’t love me but also because I could never ask you to show it, I can’t change who you are and even if I was successful in doing so, you won’t stay that way forever. You and I deserve people who we don’t need to change for, who we don’t need to settle for. I will always love you, but maybe I’m not supposed to be in love with you.” You cried, not letting him say a word you hung up and turned off your phone, avoiding any more calls to come.

Just then your now grown Nemo came into the room, seeing its small figure reminded you all too well of your love with Minho. Remembering his words and realizing what it truly meant.

“I made breakfast before I left for you :)” I’m sorry I had to leave but I love you

“Look honey, I saw this in a shop and it reminded me of you <3” I can’t get you out of my head, I miss you and god I love you

“The boys wanted to get dinner but I really just want to rest and make us a homemade meal” Any chance I get to be home, I will, because I love you

You sobbed on the bed you were just about to abandon, hugging nemo tightly hoping to find comfort in your decision but all you could feel was regret. Because love was what we make of it, and you were too obsessed with the idea of conventional affection that you saw past what you should’ve known. You knew he loved you but selfishly you wanted more, and as you came to realize how many times he’s truly said he loved you in the many ways he disguised, your heart broke at the fact that you truly didn’t deserve him as you now cried in regret. Love is what you make of it, and you rendered his efforts futile.

[voylitscope]

Stucky Recs: Pride Edition

So, the original plan was to do dystopias and apocalypses as the next theme. I actually started that post. It's sitting in my drafts. But then between work, moving, and other real-life stuff, I sort of ran out of days in May. Now it's mid-June. And since it is mid-June -- and since part of the whole point of these rec lists is the theming -- I thought I'd go for Pride recs instead.

We'll do dystopias in July.

I could have done a lot of different rules/qualifiers with this theming, but, for this time/post I went with, "actively has sexuality themes as a decently large plot point." I ended up with 12 fics.

Note: As part of my personal campaign to combat the persistent idea that every great fic in this fandom was written in 2015, I'm now marking recs of fics written post-2016 and recs of fics written post-Endgame.

Canon

🏳️‍🌈 Tin Soldiers | idrilka | Teen | 19,743 words

You know what's great? Fake pop culture, fake academia, and fake social media. This fic makes such good use of all of those things and is so smart about it. I love that this fic narratively sandwiches CA:TWS. So a large part of the point here is the public perception of Steve, and of SteveandBucky right before, during, and then after the events of CA:TWS, in a world where all of that is real. The way it's done is brilliant and feels so true and accurate to life. There is live tweeting and live reactions. There are news headlines. There's fandom culture and blogging. There are social media arguments. It's just so well done. There are a lot of fics that look, at least briefly, at the public perception/use of Steve's legend in some way, and a lot of them are fantastic. I'm just so especially of fond of this fic. There's a hyper-realism to it. Plus, it includes a scene of people live reacting to Steve spontaneously and bluntly coming out on CNN. It's some beautiful stuff.

Quote:

As Michelle Mbatha argues in The Anatomy of a Sidekick, “Barnes’ transition from a partner to a sidekick marks the point at which the relationship between Barnes and Rogers becomes that of a mentor and pupil, thus effectively prohibiting any potentially »unsavoury« readings of their partnership” (121). In this sort of dynamic, one which emphasizes the much more prominent age difference, there is, indeed, no place for any assumptions of queerness or any sort of code similar to that which permeated cinematographic works of the time, signifying penalizable, “forbidden” practices falling under the censorship guidelines (see also: The Celluloid Closet, 1995). Bucky, then, in taking his place as Captain America’s teenage sidekick, becomes figuratively castrated in order to appear effectively sexless and thus avoid any possibility of coding their relationship as queer.

Moreover, the insistence upon heteronormative and ultimately exclusionary interpretations of Rogers’ relationships with Barnes and Carter respectively, both in the comics and in biographical writings, comes from the need to reaffirm the image created by the American propaganda, which constructed Captain America to reflect the intrinsically jingoistic policies of the United States, to propagate the myth of American machismo and uphold the wholesome image of the American everyman at the same time.

🏳️‍🌈Let me be buried under your name | tempestaurora | Teen | 50,669 words | **Post-Endgame Rec**

Oh no. This one. So, sometimes, my notes on fics in my rec database have sensible things like comments about tropes or moments I definitely want to point out. Other times, well -- The notes on this one say, "DOG TAGS," and also, "OH GOD." Which is very helpful of me. To myself. But I will say more coherent words about it to all of you. I imagine that fics that have both wartime and post-TWS scenes are emotionally trying for us all, and this very painful, and very beautiful fic is certainly a good example of why. There is a heartbreaking quality to the wartime Bucky POV, the during Hydra captivity POV, and the post-TWS Bucky POV that has really stayed with me. Bucky's thought processes, and his descriptions of Steve at various points, especially, are so observant and vulnerable all at once. It's also all just -- Guttingly but wonderfully romantic.

Quote:

Maybe he’d read before the light died entirely. Steve had bought him a pulp novel at the market and Bucky had been working through it slowly, dragging out the story and making it last, to make the most of the pages. He’d likely read it three times over before trading it for something else, and even then he’d tell the story to himself – mythical, magical things he’d never even thought of existing; time travel and other worlds, aliens and laser guns and space ships, exploring the stars. His eyes fluttered shut, and he just listened to Steve’s breathing, to him drawing, to the birds outside the window. He’d more than once thought that he could live in this moment forever; that he’d be more than happy to live out the rest of his days just like this one, with Steve and a crummy apartment and a warm summer day. Screw marriage, kids, and a house in the suburbs – this was where Bucky pictured when he thought of home. This was what he’d be imagining on the cold nights in Europe. This was what he’d fight to come home to.

🏳️‍🌈We wear red so they don't see us bleed | unicornpoe | Teen | 2,161 words | **Post-Endgame Rec**

This is the most beautifully tense little fic. A canon-divergent-before-canon-starts fic (I never know how to classify those. If it's AU, but Steve and Bucky still move in together by like, 1939-ish... is it fully AU? Like, yes because them as childhood friends is important, obviously, but also -- in the grand scheme of overall canon -- sort of no?) that has Steve and Bucky sitting in jail cell doing this dance of little cues about each other. This is all little words and gazes and touches; there is a conversation under a conversation in this fic. They're having this casual chat as strangers in jail, except they're also having this whole second secret dialogue underneath it where they're trying to make sure they speak each other's language. Also? I adore this characterization. I love it.

Quote:

Bucky stands up and crosses the cell in two long strides, draping himself in clean lines along the section of free bench next to Steve; he pulls one leg up beneath him and stretches the other out, so that their ankles almost touch. Turned toward Steve as Bucky is, he can watch fully the sharp, barely-there movement of Steve’s eyes flickering down to their legs, and then back up to the wall across from them. He doesn’t turn to Bucky. It’s mostly silent in here. There’s a faint murmur of voices somewhere down the hallway, the quiet, steady tick of a clock hidden from view, the various noises of the men locked up with them—but other than that, nothing. “Where’d a guy like you learn to throw a punch like that?” Bucky asks finally, when he’s spent too long staring at the delicate, fucked-up line of this man’s profile, spent too long raking his eyes over and over again down the line of his feather-soft lashes. The corner of Steve’s mouth ticks up, just slightly, just a little bit.

Shrunkyclunks

💗I just met you (and this is crazy) | littlesystems | Explicit | 41,784 words | *Post-2016 Rec*

This is one of those fics that surprised me with just how much I liked it. I certainly wasn't expecting to dislike it, but I was not expecting to love it so much, either. It's a joy, though, just a total feel-good joy. It's a fic that has Steve and Bucky pretty instantly head-over-heals for each other, something I never ever object to, and the instant attraction works so well here. I think, too, so much of what I love about this one, is that they make each other so happy in it -- like the two of them truly just get dumber and happier and more in love with every 100 or so words of this fic. So then I get happier and happier as I continue to read it. Seriously, this fic is a joy in part because Steve's POV is so damn giddy and joyful about Bucky. I love that. It's good stuff.

Quote:

“You’re a person, Steve. And if people hurt you or take advantage of you, that’s not your fault, either. You should be able to go to a bar. You should be able to hook up with some guy. There’s nothing wrong with any of that. The fact that someone took pictures is the photographer’s fault. And the fact that newspapers decided to print it is the editors’ fault. And the fact that some fuckwad decided to lie for a quick buck is his fault. You may regret it, and that’s fine. But I don’t want to hear you blame yourself again. Got that?” Steve nods. His throat feels tight enough that he’s not sure he can speak. Bucky tips their foreheads together and they sit in silence, until Steve has naturally matched his breathing to Bucky’s - slow, deliberate, relaxed, and not geared up for a fight. Bucky kisses him softly, then.

💗The Voyager | notlucy | Explicit | 76,740 words | *Post-2016 Rec*

I am a sucker for the Steve and Bucky road trip fic. A very recently arrived in 21st century Steve on a road trip with a modern Bucky? All that time alone? In those motels? That might or might not have the right number of beds? This is a good trope that we should very much use forever. This fic is such a classic sort of road trip fic. Honestly, I've never been on any sort of proper, real road trip, but I'd like to think this fic feels like a road trip -- what they must feel like, anyway. There's such freedom in the storytelling here. There's a suspended sense of time in this fic. There's a way this fic rolls along with a pace that makes sense here, in this story -- it's a pace that definitely wouldn't work in all stories, which is exactly why it does, in this one. It's lovely, it's a little bit surreal, and it stays with you long after you finish it.

Quote:

“Wow,” Bucky managed. Words were difficult when faced with something so spectacular, the canyon spread out before them lit with the slow, smoldering burn of that deep, ancient glow. “Awesome,” Steve murmured, the word incongruous in his mouth. Bucky nearly poked fun, until he realized Steve meant it literally - what they were seeing was awesome. Smiling, he leaned his head against Steve’s shoulder before entwining their fingers, not caring a whit who might see them. Who might care. At that moment, Bucky wanted to tell the entire world, because he was in love. Except it wasn’t love. Strong like, maybe. Effortlessly increasing affection, sure. But not love. You couldn’t fall in love that fast. He’d only known Steve since May, after all. It was at most infatuation. Appreciation. Fascination. Bucky was a very level-headed person. It wasn’t love. But it was something.

Modern

🌈On The Back of a Raindrop | musette22 @musette22 | Explicit | 52,215 words | **Post-Endgame Rec**

Something I love to read in kid fics is any time that thing happens where it's not just Steve and Bucky acting like a couple without being together yet, but a group of people starting to act like a family unit in every single way -- except that no one has talked about that, or acknowledged it, and technically, someone is actually still the neighbor, or the babysitter, or, in this case, the gardener. I love that, and I love this fic, specifically. Featuring this sweetest and loveliest and healthiest family forming in a backyard garden over the months of a beautiful summer. It's so domestic, so intimate, and it happens so naturally over the course of this story. It makes everything feel so perfectly meant to be, so romantic, and so satisfying. Also! One of my database notes on this one is, "SARAH," because this is a fic with a very alive Sarah Rogers, and I love, love, love, Steve and Sarah's relationship in this fic.

Quote:

Now that he’s gotten to know him, seen him with the twins, has gradually watched Bucky’s tan deepening and bringing out the grey-blue of his eyes, Steve is so wildly attracted to him sometimes that it knocks the breath right out of him. It’s how he ends up sketching Bucky again on Wednesday, from his usual spot in the shade. He makes sure to make it a PG rendition this time, including Gracie and Miles as well, so that when later, Bucky asks him ‘Hey, whatcha drawin’?’, Steve can actually show him the sketch. Bucky is silent for the longest time when Steve hands over his sketchbook. For a moment, Steve almost panics, wondering if he accidentally forgot to draw Bucky’s jeans or something, but then Bucky looks up, a look in his eyes that Steve can’t quite pinpoint. “This is amazing, Steve. Could I… Would you mind if I hold on to it, maybe?” Steve blinks in surprise. “Of course, yeah. I mean, it’s not my best work. I could do you something better if you like.” “It’s perfect,” Bucky frowns, seeming almost offended Steve would suggest otherwise. “I love it.”

🌈One for Fiction | thepinupchemist | Explicit | 6,713 words |*Post-2016 Rec*

I very much enjoy a shrinkyclinky-ish modern fic where Bucky is a disaster about the fact that Steve, like, exists. I am just so here for this, and this very adorable fic is a top-tier demonstration of that. Featuring a Veteran-turned-librarian Bucky and a barista Steve, and a lot of awkward flirting. At a library! Also featuring a lot of Bucky being a disaster about Steve, but also a lot of Steve being like, "...have you? seen? or? met? yourself? You are definitely the catch here." It's cute. They're cute. This fic is cute.

Quote:

“Fun fact about the library,” Bucky went on, “As long as no one can see your computer screen, you’re allowed to look at porn. That’s protected under intellectual freedom.” Steve raised a brow. “Interesting.” They meandered back to Bucky’s display. The night, as far as nights went, was a quiet one for the library, and the cafe was a ghost town, but for the group of teenagers with bags of McDonald’s scattered across the table and AP History books open on their laps. “Where’d everyone get their pronoun pins?” asked Steve, as Bucky pushed his stepladder upright, collected his tape dispenser, and climbed back up to finish hanging the flag garland. “They make ‘em at one of our sister libraries,” Bucky said, “Have a pin press over there and everything. I’m picking up a couple of shifts for one of the ladies over there next week; you want me to grab you some?” See, Bucky used to be this smooth. He used to be this smooth all the time. Apparently, trauma and PTSD aside, he could still be smooth every once in a while. A pleased little smile tilted beautiful Steve’s beautiful lips. He said, “That would be awesome. Do they have pride ones, too? Like your rainbow?” Does Steve like men? Steve might like men. Be cool, Barnes. Don’t be weird.

🌈Wholesale Change | biblionerd07 | Mature | 83,320 words | *Post-2016 Rec*

You know how sometimes you're the captain of an NHL team, and you're very talented, but over the years you've gained a bad reputation? And so your people all but force you to do a The Bachelor-esq dating show? And you've been having a terrible few years and feel like your life is falling apart? And also you're bisexual and closeted because of the whole NHL thing? And also the camera guy on that dating show is your long-lost very attractive best friend? Who also used to play hockey? Look, this fic has a ridiculous premise. In the best possible way. It's a delightfully ridiculous premise. It's so much fun. There's literally a dating show. Steve gets mad about dating show manipulations and lies! And, you know, Steve definitely ends up selecting one of the dating show contestants. Steve definitely does not fall for Bucky instead! Steve definitely does not purposefully out himself on live TV. Steve absolutely follows the rules and sees the dating show contract through! Because as we all know, Steve Rogers follows rules and does what people with authority tell him to do. Always and at all times. So much fun. So delightful.

Quote:

“I’m so tired of lying,” Steve says. He almost sags with the weight of it all, now that’s admitted it. He was trying so hard to outrun it all. Outskate it all, maybe. But he’s been losing for a long time now. “I know,” Bucky murmurs. “I’m sorry. But I don’t think letting him tell the world is going to make you feel any better. You need to tell the truth on your own terms.” Steve sighs and leans his shoulder against Bucky’s. “I’ll talk to whoever I pick,” he says. They deserve that, at least. He doesn’t want to pick someone under false pretenses. Falser, anyway. “You won’t get much alone time,” Bucky warns. “But I’m sure you can find a way.” “Nothing gets in Captain America’s way when his mind’s made up,” Steve says in his cheesy commercial voice. It was a line from some ad campaign he did for a sports drink he didn’t even like. Bucky snorts. “I was thinking more about Steve Rogers,” Bucky says. “That asshole’s unstoppable.” And after a line like that? All Steve can do is kiss him.

🌈Songbird | chicklette | Explicit | 70,843 words | **Post-Endgame Rec**

I am very fond of this fic. It's music industry closeting -- but then planned sexuality revealing. Through lies. This is a fic that starts off with what should have been a one-night stand -- a great one, as one-night stands go, but a one-night stand. Except, pictures are taken of them very early the next morning, hugging, in front of Steve's apartment. And Bucky is very famous and very not out. Bucky's already got a damaged reputation and a host of other problems, and so his team decides that, actually, Bucky pretending to date some non-famous, pretty-faced, nice boy for a couple months might do his reputation some good. So, then, as you can imagine, being Steve and Bucky, the two of them spend the fic doing a very excellent, really great, just super good job, at sticking to having a formal arrangement. A no sex, no feelings, totally-just-a-business-deal-smile-for-the-camera-thing. They're total pros at it, okay? It goes so well for them. They definitely succeed. Just because, whatever, they quickly become friends and get close, it's totally still fine. They're definitely still doing really amazing at this, alright? They've got it under control. They're not going to crack on any of this. No sex. No not-for-the-cameras-kissing. No feelings. No one will cry at any point. Nope. They're So Good at this. Like I said, I'm super fond of this one.

Quote:

Steve smiles, his face going all soft and sweet, and it’s like a knife to Bucky’s heart. Ten more weeks, and someone else gets all those smiles. It’s a Goddamned shame, is what it is. His thoughts are uncomfortable enough that Bucky gets up and goes to the railing, looking back out over Manhattan. All the people there, living their lives, day in and day out. How many broken hearts is he looking at right now? How many people starry-eyed with new love? How many people, he wonders, comfortable in an old love, one that’s solid and still growing, deeply rooted, secure enough to be safe, but fresh enough to still bloom? “Penny for your thoughts,” Steve says, and Bucky tilts his head to look at him. “There’s a million love songs happening right now, just waiting for someone to write them.” “That’s awful hopeful, coming from you.” Bucky chuckles. “Nah, I was just wondering how many people we’re looking at right now with broken hearts.”

🌈Strong Saftey | queenmab_scherzo | Mature | 23,043 words

As a first note here, I will point out that this fic is a sequel to Targeting, and it is probably most satisfying when read with full context. But I really do think it can absolutely be read on its own. I really, really appreciate and love the way this fic handles Bucky and trauma. (the Targeting 'verse mirrors canon very closely, re: bad things happening to Bucky. Except that it's about college football.) Bucky's headspace here, and the way that then translates to his actual dialogue/actions is so, so well done. Plus, Steve and Bucky are preestablished in this fic, and it's healthy and lovely and romantic and makes me emotional-- Bucky is so hard on himself about everything, all the time, but he's got Steve, who is wonderfully loving and supportive. Also! Bucky befriends a cat. Also! Bucky legitimately has Steve saved in his phone like this: "Punk ❤️."

Quote:

"Vanilla latte, no whip?" the barista calls. Steve goes to the counter for his drink, but keeps his ears open. "I just wanted to tell you—I came out to my high school team last week. And, um. It's gone really well actually." "Wow," Bucky croaks. "Yeah, it just, I've been scared about it for a long time, but then you told the whole NFL, so I thought—yeah. I just wanted to say … thanks." From the corner of his eye, Steve can see them shake hands. "Wow," Bucky says again. He clears his throat a little. "Thank you. I mean, thanks for telling me." "I'm headed out to visit Oregon now, actually." "Football?" "Yeah." "Holy shit," Bucky says, candid as ever. "That's legit, man. Good luck." "Thank you." The kid starts to turn away, then adds: "For everything." When Steve goes back to Bucky's side, Bucky is staring into the paper bag at his donut. He sniffs, audibly.

"Are you crying?" Steve asks quietly. "No." Steve can't see his eyes through the sunglasses, but his nose is really red. It makes Steve smile. He doesn't press the issue.

🌈Rough Edges | sparkagrace @sparkagrace | Mature | 33,278 words | **Post-Endgame Rec**

Showmances and Rivals-to-Lovers on the Stars on Ice Tour! There's a lot to be excited about here. This fic is such a delight, truly. I love it. You know that post that goes, "What is a rival other than a crush you're mad about having?" Steve spends the first chunk of this fic so disproportionately angry at Bucky for incredibly minor things. Like standing in rooms or... skating. It's amazing. But then there is bonding and heart-to-hearts. Often on skating benches! And, as it turns out, those two being around each other a lot is, as always, a very, very good thing, in the long run. One that helps them both. Also! Becca texts Bucky lots of pictures of Alpine -- pictures from Alpine. Also! Bucky and Nat have a somewhat frighteningly intense friendship/skating partnership and it's all just so, so great.

Quote:

Bucky continues on the corner edges while Steve sorts through one of the color groups. He thinks he has enough to make up branches of the tree that was displayed on the front of the box. He likes it when he finds the pieces that fit together, it’s like his brain fires little electrons of glee when they slot into place perfectly. He tries not to think about the fact it’s the same feeling he gets sometimes when he and Bucky execute their twizzles in perfect synchronicity. The same way he likes the sound of their prop swords clashing when they’re choreographing their throne number. Everything seems to feel matched when he’s around Bucky lately, like they’re synced partners as much as he is with Maria or Bucky is with Natasha. Puzzle pieces. Bucky seems to be enjoying it too. The quiet as they work together to put together this puzzle that neither of them would have looked twice at if they weren’t desperate for a distraction. A distraction from his heartache, from Bucky’s boredom… from the way that Bucky keeps looking over at him, from how he wishes they were doing this under different circumstances.

🌈Right where we are | steveandbucky | Teen | 10,395 words

This is actually the first fic in a whole 'verse, and they're all super sweet and super lovely. I really enjoy the way this Steve and Bucky build their relationship. I love seeing them get to have happier lives where they just get to be good for each other and good to each other, and this 'verse's Steve and Bucky, who do their best to communicate and who are so so cutely smitten from the gate, are great for that.

Quote:

“Hi,” Bucky smiles again, wider this time and the effect it has on Steve is embarrassing, since he can barely get out a greeting in response. Bucky looks ten times better in person. His now longer hair parted in the middle, and he has a two-day-old stubble, looking gorgeous in a navy blue shirt and dark form-fitting jeans. “Fancy running into you here,” he says as he leans closer to be heard above the music. Steve gets a waft of cologne, a sharp and somewhat sweet scent that draws him in as he briefly leans in to speak close to Bucky’s ear. “I’m just here with some friends, I swear I’m not stalking you.” Bucky laughs heartily, ducking his head and crinkling his nose as he does. It’s the cutest thing Steve’s ever seen, and fuck if he wouldn’t spend every minute of every day trying to get Bucky to laugh like that again. “Didn’t think you were stalking me. But what a coincidence, huh?” Bucky says, still grinning. “Nice to finally meet you, Steve Rogers.”

Bonus:

So, this is WIP, and I haven't started reading it yet. But! From everything I know about it, it absolutely fits what I'm going for on this rec list. Also, I've loved every other fic by @zenaidamacrouras1 that I've read. So while I can't actually rec something without reading it, I did feel like this should be in this post somewhere:

Unpredictable Synchronicity | Zenaidamacrouras1 | Mature | 106,788 words (WIP)

Second bonus:

These are fics that 100 percent should/would be on this list, except that I literally just rec'd them in my Brooklyn stories post. They are wonderful for all reasons described in the Brooklyn post:

Three White Horses | magdaliny | Mature | 16,601 words

Not In The Answer But The Question |  aimmyarrowshigh @aimmyarrowshigh | Teen | 27,382 Words

Ill With Want | thedoubteriswise | Mature | 26,999 words

This turned into a very long post, but that feels fitting. Happy Pride! 🌈

Like I said, next up will be dystopias, apocalypses, etc.

More Recs

[cerealandchoccymilk]

Trigun Bookclub: Trigun Vol.1, Chapters #00-01

all | next

lets fucking do this

I'm annotating every chapter of trigun, both the Japanese original print (reread) and Overhaul 1.0 (first read). Literally just writing down everything I notice about details, version differences, translation notes, etc. and also being gay about the characters. happy pride month

I had other stuff to do today yesterday so I only got through a little bit but pace will pick up tomorrow today (1 volume/week is faster than i thought...)

Here are the beloved non-analysis sillies...

And there are just so many annotation images so I just put the rest under the cut <3 read my notes boy

[edit: why aren't the images not being side by side like i want them to i hate this. here's the url for my blog page with correct formatting] [edit 2: i guess it's only on desktop, not on mobile. so that's good]

First thing I noticed was the difference in the number of volumes, or the number of chapters in each volume. In my JP copy, volume 1 ends at Chapter #07: Rem, while Overhaul (and I assume every version after the first JP print) ends at #12: River of Life.

Anyways onto the actual images

21st of July - !! didn't notice [that the July incident actually happened in July] during 1st read b/c months are only numbers in Japanese 11 hours after destruction - July incident was 2am

For some reason I thought he was standing this whole time. unneccesary details georg

Estimated age: 24 - Official age for his appearance? dang he's young Appearance - "Place of origin/birth," not "what he looks like" The worst kind of outlaw, and an unrivalled killer. - Added in a later version? (not in my JP copy but the phrase is familiar)

This blank space originally had the Japanese translation for the board.

We see his serious expression already! I don't remember '98 doing so this early on so it's pretty notable to me...

Just thinking about how Vash counted each individual gunshot being fired during all that chaos... dear god.... During my first read/watch I thought it was just silly Rule of Cool protagonist moment but not really. This guy actually has Insane perception, either from being a plant or sheer practice. Or both.

Also immediately after all that, I really love the way the aftermath is shown here. The only things you can hear are the creaks of the light and the crying boy. It really brings out the tension in the atmosphere.

Finally, something other than unneccesary bits! If you look at the flooring under the toy gun, the perspective lines are pointing SW-NE. This corresponds to the flooring on Vash's right, whose right arm is also suspiciously out-of-frame... This is definitely the moment he took the toy gun. I can't express the amount of Holy Shit I felt when I realized this. The detail!!!!! man!!!!!!!!!

There's a little translation error here - it should be something like "Even if he were still alive, he wouldn't be able to move an inch!"

One of my favorite Vash moves with one of my favorite Tumblr heritage posts.

This is not really based on any drawn details, but I think this is the moment that Vash readies the toy gun, puts it in his pocket, and picks up the ketchup. Do Not trust this man when his arm is not visible. Also finger still in gun <3 doing his part blocking one bullet at a time

And here we have Vash's first COOL cool moment!!!!!! cue my homo screaming. goddddddddd im so mentally unwell about him. agh I also absolutely love when Nightow does that thing where he screen-tones a character's skin just because. It pops!! It's unique!! I love it!! I eat it up every time!!!

Here's where I realize that Vash's hair antennae are pointing straight up. I should be on the lookout for when he makes the transition to the M-shaped antennae we know and love.

Also, a little untranslatable joke from the Japanese version. In Japanese, this guy calls out at Vash like "And you, don't provoke him!" except it's written with the kanji for "Hunter" (狩人 karyūdo), with a ruby pronunciation note saying "you" (おまえも omaemo). These kanji/ruby mismatch jokes are never not funny and it's so sad that there's no way to keep them in without doing...this lol

The "I counted!" reveal never fails to get me. holy shit. I love the little boy's expression when he gets his gun back :) You helped!!! and you don't have to have the real deal to be cool as balls!!!

Just lumping this with the previous two because it's a tall image, but another small translation error. Rather than being about doing harm, he's talking about recieving it (～～はゴメンだ is a hard-to-catch phrasing/idiom; it's already been discussed with the translator on a different instance). It should be more like "[...But] nobody likes getting hurt, right?"

THE GIRLIES YIPPEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Not including the dialogue because. y'know. At least they get (accidentally) Bonked by Millie :) get their asses

Here, the order suggestion is made by somebody off-screen, but in the first edition, it was made by the cook himself. (left image annotation says "the storekeeper(cook) is so nice!")

That's it for chapters #00-01! I'm going to keep having Category 5 Autism Events every day aren't I.

It's literally 1:20am as of finishing this post because my computer won't stop crashing. Posting this first thing in the morning tomorrow <3

Also, the Japanese copy of the annotations will be in the reblogs for anyone who wants to see them. The emotions are Rawer and they're phrased way less awkwardly... if you can read them lol

[trutrustories]

STUDY IN LOKI ROMANCE

Part 3: 1893

Since we're only a few days away from the last episode, I decided to COUNT DOWN everything we´ve got so far ( that can be interpreted very easily as romantic ) and discuss what the actual fuck is going on with second season. Because even though I shipped lokius practically from S1E2, I absolutely did NOT expect this kind of development. (Not that I´m complaining)

Warning: This is gonna be LONG post, lots of screenshots, lots of SPOILERS, lot of "oh-my-god-they-so-cute" language, and little bit of meta.

I originally thought that this post would be everything at once, but since I have just too many screenshots this time around, I´ll have to split it. so every post will be one episode. Color coding means:

IIIIIIIIII = anything, that coud potentialy be just acting choice.

IIIIIIIIII = everything else (tzn.: whatever was written, and/or carefully prepared by filmmakers. )

side note: I already wrote, about how amazing it is, that Mobius is unable to fight but fights anyway and how beautifuly, and ridiculously brave he is HERE. But this is about Loki/Mobius interactions, so I´ll try my best not to talk about THAT. (Even when I´m really happy, that s2 continues with this formula and Mobius is still his completely defenseless while aggressively brave self. I love him, btw.)

EPISODE 1 HERE EPISODE 2 HERE

Episode 3, here we go:

22) matching suits part 2 anyone, who work on those costumes: I want to kiss you all!

23) Another exhibition of touches:

the challange name is: "how close we can get, before we sink into each other"

24) "And they lived happily ever after..." They had some lokius fan in the editing room, I´m telling ya! This retro movie style transition... THAT is my roman empire...

like seriously? what is the purpose of this? I can´t wrap my head around it. someone just thought that it is really crucial to end this scene with two of them in a circle. OK.

but WHY?

It was LITTERALY used only once! (I´m sorry, but as someone, who works as an editor, this just driving me crazy 🤒🫠)

25) Loki and Mobius enjoying popcorn:

I have several things to say here:

ever heard about when one person is "forced" to have fun for the first time, and to try new things by the other person, and he´s protesting and is all about work and serious matters, but secretly loves it and is visibly relaxed and happy? - Because I´m sure this is some bloody romantic comedy trope, that everyone have seen about hundred times!

"Oh look, you have a piece of food on the chin, let me just…"

I know I already said this somewhere, but, this is the moment, where in my language suddenly (completely randomly) switched from formal way of speaking to each other to intimate way of speaking to each other. (I´m Czech, btw, and I have no idea, what happened in that recording studio but it had to be interesting)

26) Also... Bickering like married couple (part 3)

27) "You know sometimes I forget, that you are one of them... Blows my mind!"

Mobius being Loki´s fan.

Also yeas. Loki is one of them. God. And Mobius is a small, normal dude. JUST A HUMAN. Analyst, even! And they´re eating popcorn together.... also Loki will do whatever Mobius wishes

28) another "let´s be as close as we physically can" challange

Loki can´t keep only eye on him. he needs hands, because reasons

29) Mobius supporting Loki in using magic...

... or I should say Loki using Magic, whenever Mobius wishes, because...

"Will you handle this please?" "Gently!"

And on top of that... not him, explaining, what just happened, to the public, by: "The amazing Loki, everyone! He´ll be here all week! 🥳🥳🥳"

who the heck asked, Mobius? stop showing off with your magical boyfriend

30) Victor/Ravonna - the most transparent mirror ever:

THIS scene? Are you kidding? Ravonna running towards Victor: "Mr Timley! are you okay? And Mobius running practicly at the same time towards Loki with: You allright?" and both helping their man up on their feet?! IN SYNC! this is too much.

WTF

31) THE BIKE THIS. this is the most GREENLY green point, I can think of. Someone had to have this vision. This idea. And put it in to screenplay. Someone had to find the bike. Someone was shooting this. Camera is moving around them. And they were all like GREAT idea, let´s have them riding tandem bike while chasing Ravonna and Timely, that makes complete sense! (even when we have Loki chasing Brad USING MAGIC one episode back) anyway... ever heard about "let´s do this crazy stupid thing - absolutely not - and then they do the thing" trope?

32) Loki going with Mobius, not even thinking about it anymore.

And to think, that I was expecting something like S01E03 (Lamentis episode)! Once again, I wasn´t prepared for amount of Lokius content I was actually served. What a surprise! 🤯

[theender36]

Recently watched Superman: The Movie (1978) for the first time in well over a decade and it really is a great movie so I got some thoughts that I want to put somewhere before I forget.

The cold open of theater curtains showing a mockup of an old Superman serial featuring Action Comics is a great nod to the character's past. Then the title flying out of the old theater screen is a fantastic visual as well as a good transition to kickstart the credits sequence accompanied by the iconic music

The set design of Krypton is phenomenal; the glowing clothes, the crystalline look, and the streamlined technology feel alien and futuristic in a unique way, although it is a little odd that everything is so white except for Kal-El's baby blanket.

The trial of Zod, Ursa, and Non has the striking combination of visuals that are the trio being held in a spotlight by spinning rings and the stern Kryptonian judges' faces being projected onto the otherwise dark dome surrounding them

Marlon Brando keeps pronouncing it "Kryptin" for some reason. Like when I'm joking about watching "The Batmins"

Genuinely very sad goodbye scene from Kal's parents

Pretty much every wide shot in Kansas is super beautiful

As is the custom, Ma and Pa Kent bring Clark up right. I appreciate the moment where Clark tells Pa about how he gets so mad at bullies that he wants to tear them apart because first off, you can tell from how he says it that he knows it'd be wrong to do that. And second, Pa doesn't yell at him for having those feelings, he tries to help him deal with them.

Clark doesn't just bail on Martha to go find himself, and he makes sure she'll have help on the farm while he's gone

The sequence of the Fortress forming itself has amazing practical effects and editing

Maybe it was because I was watching the Blu Ray version with extra scenes but the abstract montage of crystal Jor-El teaching Clark about the universe and his abilities and giving life lessons ran a little long but it was cool

Clark is very much playing up his meek, clumsy identity but him being Reporter Clark Kent as a person is not totally an act. He makes sure half his paycheck goes to Ma back home because he wants to make sure she's taken care of and he tries to be polite and helpful around the office, which tracks with who he is at his core

I think Lex being a business tycoon/scientist is pretty integral to the character but I don't mind this version's "Napoleon of crime" shtick. I like that Gene Hackman's hair being a wig in-story is hinted at when Otis is poking around the spa and he finds a spare hairpiece

I know everyone knows this already but Christopher Reeves is a perfect casting choice and he does an amazing job at making Clark and Superman superficially different but obviously the same person at heart. Even when he says something a little corny as either one, there's so much sincerity to it

Clark feeling a little guilty about enjoying being a hero is on-brand. I like that Jor-El reflects Johnathan Kent by encouraging him but also giving guidance so he doesn't lose who he is.

The moment of Jor-El saying "I've sent them you. My only son." is veering very close to the common Superman-as-a-Jesus-allegory mistake but it's the only time in the entire movie I remember it doing that, so I can't harp on it too much

Lois is just a force of nature and the only reason Clark can keep up with her as Superman is because she's starstruck

This version of Superman and Lois are down just HORRENDOUS for each other

The flying date scene is great and I think the poorly-aged flying effect is countered by the nighttime background and the chemistry between the characters. That being said, the "can you read my mind" poem is just. What. Why is this

The scene of Lex, Ms. Teschmacher, and Otis attempting to tamper with the nukes and then having to do it again because Otis screwed up is so goofy I forgot they were villains

Great moment when Superman shows he can be intimidating by just staring down Otis.

I like that Superman is saved by Ms Teschmacher because she believes in him which is a surprise to Lex because he only believes in himself

Really great effects in the scenes of the destruction from the San Andreas fault

This shot is underrated

The moments of Superman realizing Lois is dead have so much weight to them and are amazingly shot

I kind of wish they explored the consequences of him "interfering in history" because otherwise it is sort of just a convenient deus ex machina

Everything ends tied up very nicely (except the Zod squad but after two hours, nobody's thinking about that) and sometimes that's all a movie needs

It's astonishing really how much they manage to fit in this movie considering they give a lot of scenes more time than you'd expect

Overall, movie good.

[apparently-artless]

oh my god WAAAAAAAA THANK YOU SO MUCH ART!!!! the gifset is SO so so beautiful you have no idea!!!!!!!!! i cannot stop watching it over and over again. the colours are absolutely perfect, and the gif transitions are so smooth!!!!!! i'm so so happy aaaaa i can't believe something so beautiful was made for my request 😭😭😭 i really appreciate it, thank you soo much!!!! the bokuyaba fandom is truly lucky to have you in it, your edits are always so spectacular and i always enjoy looking at them. im so glad you had fun making it too!!!! thanks a million and i hope you have a wonderful day, week, month and year <333 !!!!!!!! 💛💛💛

hi, willow!! thank you so much for sending me another message to let me know of your thoughts!! this message really made me happy. ( ´ ∀ `)ノ～ ♡

i also noticed that you pinned my post on your blog, i was practically blushing when i saw the label on top. (⁄ ⁄>⁄ ▽ ⁄<⁄ ⁄)

in all honesty, i was very aware of the scene that you were referring to when i saw your request. i was also thinking of making a set for that scene but it got buried in all the current series i am watching. the scene itself was already beautiful and to be honest i am not good at scenes with sunset gradient. and i guess that's another reason why i didn't made this set until you requested it. and so i took it both as a challenge and an opportunity. who knows, i might end up gif-baiting other people to watch it?? lol

and yes!! i did have fun making the set. i had to combine some gradients with different blending modes and i had to manipulate the level adjustment layer a lot for each gif. i was very concerned that i might end up ruining an already beautiful scene so i tried not to deviate too much from the original colors but at the same time still incorporate my own coloring style.

i hope you don't mind me putting the comparison of the original vs my coloring. this is just to show you how much i had fun making this edit. i am also very satisfied with the result if i do say so myself. hehehe. ^^

anyways, it doesn't matter if other people don't appreciate it as long as the person who requested the set liked it, is what i thought. so i'm very happy when i saw your message and your tags in the post when you reblogged it.

bokuyaba is a dark horse anime series for me. it's something i watched simply because i wanted to explore different genre every season. i was thinking of dropping it after 1-2 episodes but i'm glad that i didn't. i am not an avid fan of romance, especially if the main characters are young but this series has something special to offer. it's one of my favourite romance anime now with school setting.

SO TO ALL THE PEOPLE WHO DROPPED THIS ANIME, GIVE IT A TRY AGAIN. AND THEN SCREAM AT ME IN MY INBOX FOR WASTING YOUR TIME IF YOU STILL WOULD NOT LIKE IT AFTER WATCHING AT LEAST THE FIRST SEASON. XD

[the-one-who-lambs]

You said in a post that you were ok with asking about wrighting stuff so here I go-

How would someone go about improving their wrighting? Are there any exorcises to do that will help get better? People have told me that my wrighting is good but rarely tell me what I should do to improve on things im not good at and make the things I am good at even better

As for improvement, there are two main factors: practice and feedback.

For practice:

Make it a habit. Obviously, writing every single day is unrealistic. But it should be something you can get into a routine of doing if you enjoy writing! Some writers work on/update their projects sporadically, some churn out 50k words in a month, some focus on one project or smaller projects-- there's no way for me to tell you what works best for you personally, so developing a routine is a good way to teach you what does. The more often you write, the quicker you'll likely improve.

That said, if you're writing and find yourself stuck on a scene, don't be afraid to step away from it. If you have an idea for a scene that comes after what you're working on, there's no shame in giving yourself a little annotation or placeholder, and then just writing a scene that'll come later. Often, the transition comes as you work on the next scene!

I have favorite writing exercises I like to do when my writing feels stale. To me, it's the same as stretching your body to make sure you keep your body active and engaged, or warming up before going on a run; I do writing exercises that I never intend to necessarily "put" anywhere in my longer WIPs (or sometimes they turn into oneshots!). A few exercises I love:

Write your idea in a different genre, with a different point of view, or different tense than you're used to writing in. The drawback: sometimes it's hard to switch back. I typically write in past tense, but did an exercise in writing present tense a few months ago. When I went back to working on my WIP, I found myself switching and making constant tense changes by accident that I had to edit out later.

The classic "drabble." Take one idea and break it down as abstractly as you can. Then, write a story that is 100 words exactly. This is a fun one to test how clearly you can get your idea across concisely and eloquently.

My personal favorite is a sentence structure exercise. If your syntax sounds flat, grab a book and flip to a random page, and pick a random paragraph. Then, break up the sentences you read into chunks/clauses, and try to rewrite the sentence/paragraph you originally wrote in this new sentence structure. Obviously, don't copy phrases from the source material you're looking at to practice with, but trying to rewrite your style in a new voice often lets you branch out into writing in ways you'd never thought to try before! I'll give you an example of this exercise, actually, and walk through the steps as I'm working through it myself:

If you're writing a first draft, ignore this step, but sometimes I like to do this while editing. Pick a sentence (or a few) that you're not happy with. Here's the original sentence I wrote: “So why do we start the day with basic berry bowls?” The Lamb asked Narinder when they reached the cooking pot.

Pick a book and pick a sentence or two. "It's what Mom wants," his sister said again, and all three of them knew the depth and complexity of their mother's wishes, their mother's whimsy. (Source: Half Spent by Alice McDermott)

Break the sentence into chunks. This is a compound-complex sentence with an independent clause, a conjunction followed by another independent clause, then a dependent clause. "It's what Mom wants" is a declarative sentence spoken in dialogue. his sister said again is an action phrase. and all three of them knew the depth and complexity of their mother's wishes begins with a conjuction and goes on to describe internal reactions to the action phrase. their mother's whimsy is a dependent clause that makes use of repetition to emphasize the traits of a particular character. You don't have to get this specific when breaking down syntax, and you certainly don't have to write all this out, I'm explaining all the technical stuff for the sake of the example! So, we have: "Declarative dialogue" (subject) (verb phrase) (conjunction) (other subject) (verb) (objects) (repetition of object).

Now let's restructure the sentence I originally wrote, imitating the syntax from the example! "We start the day with basic berry bowls," the Lamb told Narinder, as if he didn't know what he had eaten over the past three years for every breakfast, every single morning.

The revised sentence doesn't have much narrative similarity with the sentence I'd used as a reference, but it reads with roughly the same syntax. If I fall into a habit of writing dialogue that reads all the same way, like this-- "Dialogue dialogue dialogue." Character said as they did some sort of action. -- then I can practice this exercise and get my flow back.

...Anyway. One last tip for practicing: please take regular breaks. It's tempting to get into the Writing Zone and go at it for five hours straight, only to realize afterwards that you're severely dehydrated and have skipped two meals and you're about to piss your pants like a racehorse if you take a step with a centimeter too long of a stride. This is especially important if you're writing on a computer; give your eyes a screen break! PLEASE.

And read!!! Not just other fanfics, but published stories as well!

For feedback:

Yeah, it's intimidating, but ask people for constructive criticism. Get a writing buddy who will cheer you on and be their hype buddy as well. (This may or may not be why like 75% of my friends I met through the cult of the lamb fandom are also fic writers: I see someone write with me and we are kids playing with barbies and I am inviting everyone to play our fun little game of pretend.) Work through edits with them and forgive yourself for not being perfect. Remember that you are doing this for your own enjoyment and it should not stress you out too much. It is okay to be frustrated with your own work, though, as it can be grounds for improvement!

Get a beta reader if you'd like to help you catch any errors. I know people who find them tremendously helpful, and I also know people who prefer not to have one because they feel it adds unnecessary pressure to a hobby that is for their enjoyment. It's up to you! I don't have an official beta reader but, uh, @surfdudeboy might as well be at this point.

If you find yourself having to explain your work (especially before you show it), that's probably a sign that you need to communicate more clearly in your work.

Take critique gracefully and respectfully when you receive it (as long as whomever is giving you genuine constructive criticism isn't being outright unkind). Thank them for their time but don't treat all reviews as if they have equal merit.

Also, learning how to critique and give feedback to other people's writing will make you a stronger writer as well, because you're practicing how to recognize what works and what doesn't work, and how to identify why a piece of writing has a particular effect.

Think of writers you admire or writers whose style inspires you. Think about what you appreciate about their works, and see if you can try it out. It's also worth a shot to go to them and ask for writing tips.

Look! You're already doing this step well, because you reached out for advice! Hooray!

Overall:

It's okay to make mistakes. You are allowed to love your work and be proud of it, as the writer you are now, while also seeking to improve.

Don't feel pressured to remove the parts of your writing that make it yours.

If you're working on a long-form project, indulge in some shorter projects along the way as well. Writing isn't an ultramarathon, it's a few miles max a day. While in the depths of the "enemies" stage of The Risen Lamb and the Fallen God, I suddenly had a massive craving to write the fluffiest cuddliest bullshit and later on some unabashed poetic yearning ( <- thanks to Sara for the hammer of a brainworm that made me write that poem). Keep your eye on the prize for the longer project, but don't burn yourself out trying to stick to one thing and one thing only!

Finally, leave yourself little notes while you write about your own symbolism, about your characters, and about your writing process. Watch your growth, so that when you doubt you've come as far as you have, you know where to go to prove your mean thoughts wrong.

Happy writing, and best wishes! You've GOT THIS <3 !!!!

[amethystblack]

I really wish people would stop making comparisons between the depiction of goblins in Hogwarts Legacy and real life antisemitism or even the holocaust. I think it belittles the historical events to make such comparisons. The game has no contents which justify those statements. I concede that J.K. Rowling is a transphobe, but one should not lightly draw a connection between the most horrifying events in history and the fictional contents of a fantasy world video game.

so... okay, to be forthright, i haven't played the game and i have no intentions to, so the extent of what i know about it is what was in that post that i reblogged and... maybe one more that i thought i reblogged but apparently not (edit, found it). but... this ask strikes me as weird because like

"stop making comparisons between the depiction of gobins and real life antisemitism"

this is a bizarre comment to me because (assuming that the information in that post was accurate) to me, this is an example of real life antisemitism. caricaturizing an ethnic group that has been historically persecuted as an antagonistic race like that can do real harm today to people's understanding and impressions of members of that group.

not that being trans is an ethnic group, but i am not jewish so i'll use a more familiar example: the negative representation of trans people in older movies is a pretty good example of what that harm can look like-- many people assume that transwomen look or act a certain way because we have generally been the butt of so many jokes. then people who see those movies without knowing actual trans people can only base their mental conception of transwomen around those ideas, and that creates the stigma that makes it hard for people to accept themselves or others. it is a cycle of misrepresentation leading to bias leading to hate, harm and further misrepresentation. that is also to say nothing of how the groups in question might feel about it when suddenly encountering those things for themselves.

but again, the antisemitic aspect is not my wheelhouse. let me ask you, anon, what's your stake in this? i would love to hear how this is personally relevant to you. or if i have other followers who are actually members of the group in question that we can listen to firsthand, please by all means weigh in here. i would not want to, through my own ignorance, be spreading disrespectful or false information in approaching these matters.

i will comment my personal stake though, even aside from just being trans: i coincidentally earlier this week learned about some of the history of the rise of the n*zi party... i did not know before that one of their first major attacks was on the forerunning institute of sexual research in germany-- a place which had become a haven for LGBT people and a forerunner in gender identities (including non-binary folks) and practicing medical transition (including early laser hair removal, HRT, and gender-affirming surgery). i had no idea that those ideas and techniques, many of which as we now understand them today, were already in practice and circulation in the 1920's and had been, at the start of everything, effectively stamped out, setting the presence and health of trans people in the modern world back by nearly a full century. i recognize that those events in history were not primarily about my demographic, but having learned this and seeing an alarming number of similarities between now and then, you may perhaps understand why i am quite a bit more alarmed about these circles of hate overlapping.

[idunnowatimdoin]

hahahaha, remember when I thought 2021 was bad??

So if you're reading this, kudos!! You are an incredibly kind, patient, awesome human being who somehow put up with my bullshit 2+ year radio silence and decided to tough it out in the hope I came back. Well!! I'm back and I'm hoping I stay back for awhile -- at least long enough to finish my fics, please @ the universe.

Idk how many of you care about why I disappeared, but for all 3 of you who do, it's bc I've been kind of dead inside??

So I started writing all these fics while I was still in medical school. Hence why Nitric Oxide has so much weird medical jargon in it that non-medical people are like ?? why tho ?? Bc writing the fic was in part a way for me to study while still engaging in an activity I love. Going back and reading through those earlier chapters has parts that make me laugh and some parts that make me cringe, bc now I'm 2 years out of medical school and I've grown a LOT as a medical provider ( and some of the things I wrote are not correct for how I or Obi would practice ). At some point I'm going to have to go do an edit/rewrite of some of those parts. Bc oof

But anyways, yeah I was kinda dead inside for a long time there. See, I really, really, really had my heart set on going into psychiatry, but I didn't match into a psychiatry residency program. So I took a position in a transitional year program, which is basically a way of working as a resident while you still apply for programs in the specialty you want to get into (or for some people, it's a year of medicine they have to do before they can start their specialty training like people going into radiology or anesthesia). And just...

If you're in the medical field: DO NOT WORK AT AN HCA HOSPITAL IF YOU CAN AVOID IT. Holy FUCK, that organization is so fucking toxic and soul-sucking and awful. Like. That whole year I spent there was so miserable it took me all of last year to finally recover and get back to a place where I could even think of writing again bc I barely had the energy to take care of myself, let alone to engage in artistic pursuits or passion projects.

Anyways, I won't get into details about why it sucked, but it did. I was in such a dark place while I was there. It didn't help that I applied for psychiatry residencies again and still didn't match, so I was faced with the choice of giving up my dream or doing another year in Hell.

Well... I'm an emergency medicine resident now. To be fair, I worked as a scribe in the ED before medical school and it's ALWAYS been a close second choice for me. And now that I'm here, I gotta admit I kind of LOVE it. More than I thought I would. But it still stings, and I won't lie and pretend there's a small part of me that aches over my lost dream.

But anyways. Fuck capitalistic, for-profit medicine. A lot of us doctors hate it just as much as all the rest of you do.

Hopefully this current hyperfixation lasts awhile and I can crank out a lot of chapters for yall and maybe even finish (gasp, I know right??) a fic or two here.

Thank you for reading, if you did. I truly do appreciate each and every one of you and all the kind words and compliments you pay me and my brain children.

I hope y'all have a wonderful day/night.

-Sam

[won4kiss]

𖠵 . ׅ ࣪ ⌇𝐿OVE 𝐼S 𝐻𝐴RD 𝐹𝑂R 𝑅𝐼KI-𝐾UN !

ᯓ ᡣ𐭩 shy bf! 𝑛ishimura riki x 𝑓! reader. 𝒢enre fluff. 𝓢ynopsis. in which your boyfriend’s way too shy ! 𝑤𝑐 𐙚ㅤㅤ 777⸝⸝ not edited, kissing ⸝⸝ stream romance: untold ! ୭ৎ — 𝓵𝗂𝖻𝗋𝖺𝗋𝔂 ᥫ᭡

PLEASE LIKE & REBLOG ! 𓂃

YOU HAVE KNOWN NISHIMURA RIKI FOR AS LONG AS YOU COULD POSSIBLY REMEMBER.

from building sandcastles in the park to having sleepovers every weekend, your childhood was a tapestry of memories knit together with laughter, trust, the two of you were basically bonded for life.

it felt only natural when the both of you had realized the feelings of friendship had evolved into something deeper.

the transition from friends to lovers had been seamless and easy — or so you thought.

the first few weeks of dating were like your dreams come true.

every touch felt electric, every glance filled with unspoken words, you felt like the princesses you read about in your fairytale books and riki was your prince charming. — more under cut !

but recently, riki's behavior had changed.

he slowly became more disconnected with you, distant. his once bright eyes now clouded with something you couldn't quite put your finger on.

the texts that once buzzed your phone constantly had disappeared into thin air, and riki’s his usual warmth and radiant energy was replaced with a chilly indifference.

the anxiousness gnawed at you, each passing day a reminder of the growing distance between you two.

you replayed every interaction in your mind, searching for a clue, a reason for his changed behaviour.

one evening, as you laid on your bed, deep in your thoughts as you stared at the ceiling, you made a decision. you needed answers.

the next day, you met riki at your usual spot, a quiet park bench tucked away from the loud streets and protected from the world.

he arrived, hands shoved deep into his pockets, eyes avoiding yours. the sight of him, so close yet so far, made your heart even more jittery.

"riki, i think we need to talk," you said, voice trembling slightly with nervousness.

he looked at you then, surprise flickering across his face before he quickly masked it with that same look that was irking you for a while.

"sure, what’s up?"

taking a deep breath, you steadied yourself.

"do you...do you have romantic feelings for me still? it’s okay if not… i don’t want to force you to stay in a relationship you don’t want."

his reaction was immediate and telling. his eyes widened, and a flush crept up his neck to his cheeks. he stuttered, mouth opening and closing as if he was searching for the right words.

"w-what? y/n, why would you even ask that?"

"i don’t know riki, maybe because you've been acting so distant!"

you replied, voice cracking with all your masked emotions building up over the past few weeks.

"it's like you're not even here with me anymore, i miss my old riki."

riki's eyes wandered around, looking at everything but you, panic evident in his gaze.

he ran a hand through his hair, a nervous habit you knew all too well.

"i... i didn't mean to make you feel that way."

"then why? why are you pulling away from me?" you pleaded, tears of anger pooling up in your glossy eyes.

before you could process what was happening, riki closed the distance between you in one swift motion.

his hands cupped your face, and his lips crashed onto yours with an urgency that took your breath away.

the kiss was filled with intense, unspoken words filled with a desperate need that left you dizzy.

when he finally pulled back, you were left gasping for air, absolutely speechless and your heart pounding in your chest.

"does that answer your question?" he whispered, eyes wide with vulnerability.

you blinked, still reeling from the kiss.

"riki, i—"

but before you could finish, he stepped back, the flush on his cheeks deepening, his ears and neck turning the same shade.

"i-i have to go," he stammered, turning on his heel and practically running away from you.

you stood there, stunned and breathless, watching him retreat as you held back a giggle threatening to spill out.

the kiss had been passionate, over pouring with love but also overwhelming, it left you with more questions than answers.

why was love so hard for riki-kun?

© won4kiss 2024

tl open <3 @luvlyhee @sjyunnsworld @suneng @pnghoon @laylasbunbunny @shawnyle @privareum @briefsaladfun

[tfunai-acmwo-capstone]

October: The Month of Progress

Happy October, everyone! Due to my lack of progress these past six weeks, I will be spending this month making a conscious, daily effort to get back on track.

I've done a lot of thinking about why I struggle to commit myself to this project, even though I have such intense passion for it. Currently, I'm stuck on the pre-production process that involves conceptualization and storyboarding, so the abstract, creative part of my project. However, it is the way that I engage with the process that is making it difficult; I'm working abstractly in my mind without the tangible world to ground my thoughts, so I get lost or overwhelmed in an empty world of my imagination. Moreover, I've always had anxiety about deadlines, which stunts my ability to think because I spend the majority of my time worrying about a looming, unchanging, and disastrous deadline over my head. Luckily, I've recently come to the realization that I'd be willing to delay my graduation to give extra time to a project that makes both sense of a personal and professional level. Despite that, I still want to give it my all in this semester; therefore, here I am with a daily practice! A pleasure to be here with you!

October 1st:

I worked on imagining the first 38 seconds of the song, and for operating in a purely abstract sense, I think that is pretty good. These 38 seconds, in my head, are something I could just shoot in one day because I already worked out how to shoot it, how to edit it, and how to capture the attention of the viewer! My storyboard may not accurately capture that for someone not in my head tho...

In addition to that, I wanted to stop thinking so chronologically because the premise of my video isn't chronological to start with (we go back and forth from an imagination to the real world in different settings), so I started to think of pickup shots that I could intertwine between sequences when I struggle to come up with something meaningful. Of course, I still want them to be visually interesting, so I was inspired by the transportation scenes in Barbie, detailed here:

Lastly, I needed to think of parallels between the space scenes (actions, movements, etc.) that could be transition points between the different settings, such as rocket propulsion matched cut with me riding bike

I'm really bad at drawing, but I do have a concrete idea of the flow that will be best scene in the video!

Anyway, that's all the progress I made yesterday!

[sanukidigitalcommunities]

WEEK 8: SNAPCHAT LENSES: PROMOTING EUROCENTRIC STANDARDS OF BEAUTY

This week’s reading by Jessica Barker focuses on how Snapchat lenses, which we thought were harmless at the beginning of its inception in 2015 actually turned out to be problematic for users. (Barker 2020, p. 208). These filters apply virtual accessories and modify facial features, enabling users to incorporate augmented reality into their daily sartorial practice and self-presentation (Barker 2020, p. 208). These filters tend to enhance or distort the face and add animal-like features. (Barker 2020, p. 208). When you critically examine these Snapchat filters, you'll see why they're problematic because they make a face more attractive and flawless by thinning out the face, slimming and shortening the nose, enlarging the eyes, plumping the lips and smoothing out the skin, Snapchat seizes a user’s features and morphs them into conform to a preconceived notion of beauty (Barker 2020, p. 209). One controversial feature of Snapchat filters that go unnoticed, mentioned in Barker’s reading is that it whitewashes users' skin color. people of color find their complexions unnaturally and undesirably lightened by Snapchat’s filters (Barker 2020, p. 209). Skin lighting for the purpose of aesthetics and beauty is inherently discriminatory and only goes on to promote that ONLY the Eurocentric beauty standards make you beautiful.

Aline Martins describes her experience as she used filters for the first time when it was introduced and she could see a noticeable transition from the beauty enhancements in the filters.  She says in the reading, “I remember the day the ‘beauty’ filter came out on Snapchat – the one that ever-so-slightly retouches skin, narrows noses and gives doe eyes. The filter just barely changed my appearance but changed it enough for me to notice that I looked ‘better’” (Barker 2020, p. 211). For women who attribute filter use to a desire to appear made-up, delight

Women use the beautifying filters when their appearance looks rather tired or unpolished it is often tempered with complex feelings towards their natural beauty. The ‘pretty’ filter incited a complex process of gaining confidence while igniting insecurities. (Barker 2020, p. 212). This goes to show, although the changes portrayed by these filters may seem minor, they actually have a more profound impact on the user's perception of oneself.

These filters have created negative physiological effects on society. Users have become self-conscious about their facial features as a result of these modifications and may even consider having surgery to alter their appearance so they look more like the filtered version of themselves. (Barker 2020, p. 215). ‘Digital plastic surgery’ has affected some users to such an extent that they seek Snapchat-inspired plastic surgery in the real world. As tech site Engadget framed it, they wish to ‘look like a software-enhanced version of themselves’ (Barker 2020, p. 216). Users wanting to look like the filtered version of themselves has led to ‘Snapchat dysmorphia’ which is related to a body dysmorphic disorder, an obsessive-compulsive fixation on perceived appearance defects (Barker 2020, p. 216).

Coi-Dibley's article “Digitized Dysmorphia” of the female body: the re/disfigurement of the Image” analyses how digital editing and manipulation affect how the female body is portrayed in the media. She contends that the use of digital technologies to produce idealized and hyper-realistic representations of women has led to a new type of dysmorphia she refers to as "digitized dysmorphia." (Coy-Dibley 2016, p.1). Digitized dysmorphia is characterized by a disconnect between the real and the ideal, which creates a sense of insecurity and self-hatred in women who cannot live up to the digitally enhanced images they see in the media (Coy-Dibley 2016, p.2). 

The social pressure to alter one's image highlights the coercion individuals face to strive for a perfect self-image. Apps that are aimed at perfecting the body, airbrushing and erasing the raw image in exchange for an increasingly narrow, standardizing perception of female beauty reinforce unattainable beauty standards that marginalize differences in race, ability, and gender identity, presenting an extension and intensification of our images-saturated culture's homogenized, Westernized beauty standards (Coy-Dibley 2016, p.9). 

Social media filters have increased users' insecurity as they are reminded that meeting Ecocentric beauty standards is the only way to be considered beautiful. Brands, Social Media influencers, and platforms need to introduce more positive ways to counteract the negativity of filters to change the perceptions of beauty they have fostered in society as it could lead to more severe consequences. People should be reminded that they are BEAUTIFUL JUST THE WAY THEY ARE.

References

Barker, J 2020, ‘Making-up on mobile: The pretty filters and ugly implications of Snapchat’, Fashion, Style & Popular Culture, vol. 7, no. 2, pp. 207–221.

Coy-Dibley, I 2016, ‘“Digitized Dysmorphia” of the female body: the re/disfigurement of the image’, Palgrave Communications, vol. 2, no. 1.

@_nelly_london 2023, February 20, viewed 30 April 2023, <https://www.instagram.com/reel/Co2y361Ko5d/?igshid=YmMyMTA2M2Y=>.

[trasnpanda]

First time posting here, despite lurking for years. Wanted to say thanks for the discussions and the links. Wanted to give some long overdue advice & thoughts after a brief story

I bought my first thigh highs 2 years ago from a link I got here and it felt great, euphoric. I bought some cute skirts online afterwards. It helped that I was buying my own (masculine but stylish) clothes beforehand so it helped with that. Online shopping is amazing! Practice being a disinterested boyfriend if you aren't comfortable being fem in public.

While I started here, I no longer identify as a femboy due to my egg cracking and finding out I'm trans. That being said, I don't think that ALL feminineboys are transwomen, or gay. Being cisgender male of any sexual orientation & a femboy doesn't have any contradictions. (I'm not sure if trans are since they're fundamentally women and idk if women can be femboys, but I'm not going to deny someone if they want it, i personally don't use it). While it might be more challenging finding love some women definitely love guys with a feminine side~ just like how guys think tomboys are cool. I'm so glad the awareness of femboys has increased, when I was younger I knew of tomboys but wish there was a feminine boy counterpart!

I'd still recommend checking out the gender dysphoria bible, because if you realize you're trans ("your egg cracks") you want to find out as soon as possible as it's a long process and many wish they knew sooner so they could take advantage of their youth for hormonal transitions. And work through the paperwork. So much paperwork. Like many things in life, there often isn't truly a "too late", but early is beneficial.

I do think that some femboys will be femboys (femmen?) truly are cisgender men, and will be until they die; so if that's you that's great and equally valid. If that's you and you read the GDB you've learned a lot about a group of people.

For drag queens and trans women (which are not the same!) have great resources if you want to control certain aspects of your appearance. It's a very feminine thing to do, but your validity doesn't depend on it, so any body type can be a femboy. I should know I have rather strong masculine features.

Couple thoughts:

- Be safe: I personally got a second reddit account. While I can take harassment some can't, so remember to protect yourself, set up boundaries and manage risk in advance so the wrong people don't find out and give you shit

- Read the room: if you're in an environment where it's not safe to be gender nonconforming I would try and not. I recognize some femboys can't, it's too much to keep down. Just be careful.

- You have a right to privacy. And the people you live with must respect that, especially your parents.

- Christians can be femboys. As in the theological and personal divine relationship it's fine. I wouldn't recommend being out about it in religious settings though. I don't know why but this question is one I've seen over the years here and I've always wanted to answer.

- You don't have to be out. For years I was I out as a femboy to myself exclusively. And I was perfectly comfortable with that. I felt cute and that was enough. I was privileged to have parents who respected my privacy, and a job to buy cute skirts & thigh highs.

- Be careful with pictures of yourself on the internet. ESPECIALLY YOUR FACE. Pictures aren't allowed here, but anywhere online be VERY careful with pictures of yourself, especially if you're posting it in a public place on the internet where a bunch of shitty people DM and harass you.

Will edit with more as I think of them. :)

[grampstaxidermy87]

Pretty Boy

Part 1 | Part 2

Poly!Lost Boys x Male!Reader

Smut Warning: Polyamory, dumbification ,Blood kink, Double penetration, blow jobs, hand jobs, body worship, biting, fingering, choking, public sex, voyeurism.

Warning: blood consumption, turning, murder, Gore, Alcohol, drug use, corruption, Reader is too horny to have morals.

summary: After a night of mind-numbing passion, it is time to join the club. But don't worry baby, the boys are there to make the transition as pleasurable as possible.

An: So sorry lovelies, wanted this out a while ago but as I was editing I just hated the way the plot was going so I rewrote most of it. I had gotten some feedback on the first one that said I lost the plot and it just really got me rethinking myself a lot. I'm still iffy on this but it is better than before, anyways on to the delicious smut I know you're all here for! Enjoy <3

My eyes snapped open as I shot up, gasping for air and gripping the T-shirt that felt looser than the one I remembered wearing.

Looking down I saw a dark grey Metallica T-shirt with a few holes and unknown red stains across the front, furrowing my brows I realized I wasn’t in my bedroom like I should have been. Shifting to stand I winced when my sore muscles cramped and screamed at me for the action, Memories of the night before came crashing down as my stomach twisted with hunger.

Confusion fogged my mind, why did I let myself give in like that? Sure, they were all insanely attractive and it felt good...like really good actually, I shouldn't have crossed the line. I mean they were Michael's friends-

Shit Michael!

I quickly slipped out of the mountain of blankets and pillows they had put me in, fighting against the soreness and dizziness that shot through me as I wobbled around in search of my clothes.

He was going to kill me, all he wanted was for me to drive him to his friend's place and I end up ditching him to fuck them. What kind of friend does that?!

In my frantic search I didn't notice the looming figure watching from the shadows in amusement, A single burning light illuminated their face as a puff of smoke blew out into view.

"Going somewhere (Y/n)?"

Jumping with a startled yelp I dropped my shoes with a loud thud, whipping around I felt a shiver roll down my spine at how intimidatingly attractive he looked "David! I-I was just..." He stepped out of the shadows, fully dressed and showing no signs of the intense sex we had last night.

I knew for a fact that I had left quite a few marks on his skin, but now he looked untouched and…perfect.

A smirk pulled at the corner of his lips as I gawked at him, making a show of taking a long drag of his cigarette and blowing the smoke while keeping our eyes locked together. Why did such a simple thing affect me so much? The cocky bastard looked satisfied when he got the reaction he had wanted in the form of me shifting on my feet with a flustered expression.

Shaking away my lustful thoughts I recollected my clothes and headed towards the nest mattress. “Look, last night was amazing but I really have to go. I need to find Michael."

David's cocky grin fell into a frown of distaste at the mention of my best friend, a dangerous aura radiated off of him as I tossed the pile onto the bed before moving to remove the t-shirt.

Footsteps approached me and stopped as David’s chest pressed to my back, his eyes practically glowing as he dug his gloved fingers into my hip. "Forget about Michael, did you forget what I told you yesterday?" A shiver rolled up my spine at his words, eyes full of serious emotion as he glanced down at my bare neck, he leaned down to start peppering my skin with kisses.

"Look...I barely know you guys; I shouldn't have done any of...that." My words lulled when he slowly lowered his gloved hands lower and lower down my stomach, I hated to admit how much I craved him, but I needed to stay strong. I couldn't give in again no matter how much I wanted to.

"Didn't it feel good for you? It sure did for us, you're quite the lover." He could feel how I melted at the compliment, his other hand moving to my jaw as he turned my face towards him. Licking his lips as our faces were mere inches away from one another.

"Come on baby boy, you know we're meant to be together. You feel it too don't you, that pulling sensation that ties us all." I gripped onto his shoulders when he turned me around, "Just give in and I promise to fuck you senseless whenever you want." My eyes grew heavy when a wave of lust washed over me, it was too hard to fight against my urges when he spoke such pretty words.

"I-I can't..." He smiled so tenderly stroking my cheek with a surprising amount of care, "Oh but you can (Y/n), I know you can. Don't you want to be loved?" It was as if his voice was seeping into the deepest crevices of my mind, all I could think of was him and the boys.

It made me wonder, why was I fighting this so much? There were four handsome, funny, and adoring boys who wanted me...all of me. And yet still wanted to see Michael.

Michael who has always treated me like I was nothing more than a friend.

Michael who was so eager to toss me aside when new, more interesting people came into his life.

Michael who had the audacity to look jealous when I was given the attention for a change.

It was time to do something for myself for once in my life, it was time to be happy.

All I had to do was give in.

"I don't want to be alone anymore."

David smiled, for he had finally won. “It's okay kitten, just let me take care of you."

I let out a whimper as he crashed our lips together in a surprisingly hungry kiss, turning to face him I wrapped my arms around his neck and felt him chuckle into my mouth. Moving his hands down my body until they made their home at my ass, skilled as they slipped under the bottom of the shirt and groped the meaty flesh and added tongue to the kiss.

"Damn David, I told you he'd look so cute in Paul’s shirt." I tried to pull away when I heard Marko's flirty voice, but David refused to release me now that he had me. Moans were devoured by the stronger man as he pulled me into his chest allowing me to feel the large, clothed bulge that pressed against my own.

Another body wrapped around me from behind, placing open mouthed kisses to my neck mixed with a nibble here and there. While skilled hands easily made quick work of tearing the shirt to shreds and tossing the torn fabric somewhere out of sight and out of mind.

"There we go handsome, nothing to hide your delicious body from us." Marko hummed nipping at my earlobe and growing a feral grin when I visibly shivered at the sensation.

David pulled away and chuckled as I followed him for more, "Easy kitten, we have eternity to fuck your brains out. But it's almost dinner time, so we'll be continuing this later." Marko growled, not wanting to stop as he moved his hand around to grab hold of my shaft making me gasp out with pleasure.

David gave him a look daring the shorter man to argue, but unlike I who shivered at his intensity Marko merely smirked.

"Come on David, just look at him. Let him orgasm at least once." The leader glared harder at him, but Marko didn't seem deterred as he began pumping my weeping cock.

David took my chin and tilted my head up to watch the way I panted and moaned, “We have plans Marko, you know that.”. He had to admit I did look delicious as my eyes watered and moans fell from my lips like a beautiful Symphany that he could listen to for hours.

So while this was pushing back the important plans for the night, he decided just one orgasm wouldn't hurt.

"Fine." That was all Marko needed to hear as I was suddenly tossed on the bed with the sporadic cherub climbing between my legs without a second's hesitation. He licked his lips pulling my thighs over his shoulders and looking up at me as he grabbed my cock again.

"Don't worry baby, I'm going to return the favor for last night. Fuck my throat as hard as you want." With that said he kissed the tip, licking away the precum that leaked from it, before taking all of me into his mouth.

He didn't stop until I hit the back of his throat with his nose pressed to my pubes, He hummed at my delicious taste making me whimper and squeeze his head with my thighs.

Out of the corner of my eye I could see David approaching with the same chalice from last night, I assumed he had taken a sip seeing since he had a bit of the crimson liquid on his bottom lip.

“See pretty boy, you’ll get to feel this every night if you want to. It will only feel better after tonight though…trust me.” David looked over us as he knelt on the bed beside Marko, watching my blissed-out expressions as Marko mercilessly bobbed his head at a punishing pace.

“I-I’m going to cum-” A bastardly smirk tugged at his handsome face, he leaned down to run his leather fingers down my stomach, keeping eye contact as he moved up onto the back of Marko’s head and pushed down.

Marko choked on my cock but didn’t seem bothered as he instead used his tongue to lick at my balls, tears filled in my eyes, ”Not yet kitten, thirsty?” His other hand led the chalice to me and I struggled on weak arms to push myself up to it.

Now that I thought about it, I was oddly thirsty. But for some reason I was craving whatever was in this cup.

It smelled insanely good, so much so that I found my stomach grumbling with hunger as it was pressed to my lips, ”Drink baby boy, then I’ll allow Marko to make you cum.”

Marko looked up with those enchanting eyes of his, his hands stroking my thighs and waiting for David’s cue.

Licking my dry lips, I allowed him to tilt the cup and begin pouring the liquid into my mouth. I tried my best to drink every drop, but some still ended up dripping down my chin. It was only when David was satisfied that he pulled the cup away, eyeing the red staining my chin with a hunger that shot a wave of heat between my legs and into Marko’s mouth.

Tossing the cup away he didn’t give me any time to be startled by the loud clang as he released Marko and grabbed my hair pulling my head back as he dove in and began licking at my skin.

The cherub chuckled and returned to his brutal pace from before, his nails dug painfully into my thighs but whatever that drink was made me feel too high to care.

Euphoria was nothing compared to this dizzying feeling that made me feel so tingly. What was happening to me…and why did I love it?

"Guyyyysss I'm starvi- Whoa what did we miss?" Paul jumped into the doorway and froze as he saw my sweaty and panting body trapped below his two friends.

Dwayne appeared not even a second later peering over twisted sisters' shoulder, a smirk present on his lips as his dark eyes looked straight into my soul.

“Looks like their having fun without us.” Paul pouted to accentuate Dwayne’s words, “Aw but I want to fuck him too!” He whined but yelped when the brunette slapped the back of his head, ”You had your turn dipshit.”

They stopped arguing when I let out a load groan, bucking my hips up and feeling my tip abuse the back of Marko's throat.

"Shit..." Dwayne cursed covering his mouth as his pants grew tight, the smell of my lust filled the roam and his senses making him feel drunk.

“Fuck you taste so good kitten, so perfect for us.” David's hand squeezed my throat as he moved to my ear.

"Cum for us (Y/n)." He purred before capturing my lips in a passionate kiss.

Finally getting permission I came down Marko’s throat, whimpering into David's mouth. Marko happily swallowed every last drop and licked my shaft clean as he pulled off.

“You’re right David, he is absolutely delicious.” Marko chuckled sitting up and moving my legs to settle around his waist as I came down from my high.

David hummed as he too pulled away, and I felt like prey with the way they both stared down at me with predator like gazes.

As they grew louder I glanced up at David who turned to me with clear annoyance, "Are they always like this?” The leader chuckled and nodded as he moved his hand to my cheek, eyes soft while his thumb rubbed beneath my eye to wipe away the tears.

“You’ll get used to it after a while, they have their moments when they can be tolerable. Except for Paul, he’s always on cloud 9.” He brightened when my laughter spilled out enough to stop the boys arguing that had turned to roughhousing, each one watching in awe as I tried to compose myself.

“He really is pretty when he smiles.” Marko muttered causing the other two to hum their agreements.

“You boys are so cute!” I wiped away my tears and sat up, not even minding that I was still completely nude. I felt nothing but comfortable around these boys that I didn’t even know until yesterday, they made it so easy to exist…to just simply live in the moment without a care in the world.

I felt protected, safe, loved. Those were things I never thought I’d be able to.

“Now then Pretty boy, hungry?” David’s voice was followed by my stomach grumbling as my throat burned, grabbing at my neck I swallowed dryly. “I could eat, what were you thinking?” David shared a look with the others before standing up, “Don’t you worry about a thing kitten, we have the perfect meal in mind.”

Reaching out a hand to me I stared at it for a moment as slight unease swirled around my chest, there was something almost…animalistic in their eyes.

A hidden danger that should have sent me running, but instead I felt excitement bubbling as I took his hand and allowed him to pull me up.

As I regained my balance on shaky legs a jacket was draped over my shoulders making me jump, cold blood red leather rubbed against my warm skin as dark hair fell into view beside my head.

Dwayne smiled with content as he looked over the way the leather jacket fit on me, it was the only thing covering my delicious body.

But for the boys this visibly showed that I was part of the group, each part of it tied in with one of them.

The patches curtesy of Marko, the peacock on the back was painted by Dwayne, and the chain along the side added by Paul to match his.

David however held much pride when I wore one of the medals he had worn on his own coat since the 40’s.

I was a lost boy, now all I had to do was complete the transformation.

————

The salty sea air batted against my face as we drove down the foliage covered pathways towards the beach, The boys yelling and hollering into the quiet forest.

It was honestly amazing to see them in their element like this, letting loose and running on pure adrenaline. Dwayne glanced back at me as I hung onto his back, pressed tight against him as I wrapped my arms around his waist in content.

He didn’t bother hiding the pleased smile on his handsome face when he saw me rub my cheek into his shoulder blade and look up at him, “You doing okay back there sugar?” Smiling at the nickname I nodded and burrowed deeper into his leather jacket, letting my hands graze his bare stomach before sliding up to his chest. All while watching his reaction with great satisfaction.

He gripped the handlebars tighter as warmth spread in his chest, he wanted nothing more than to hold me tight, purring dirty words in my ear as I squirmed with pleasure against him.

Those thoughts almost won too but one glare from David put out the urge…for now.

Curiosity swelled in my mind when we pulled to a stop next to a giant tree on the beach, I could hear the sounds of music and chatter as Paul hopped over and helped me off the bike before swinging an arm around my shoulders.

“Come on man, the funs about to begin!” Melting into his side I wrapped my arm around his waist and allowed him to pull me along leaving the three boys behind.

“Are we sure he’s ready?” Marko inquired suddenly looking nervous as they all watched Paul hang off a tree limb and laugh as I tried to climb the tree after him, key word is ‘Try’.

“Shouldn’t we tell him?” Dwayne asked glancing over to see David ponder their concerned words, “He belongs to us, his soul is connected to ours. Even if he is scared, he’ll come around in the end.” David simply stated before walking over to the tree with a smirk.

Dwayne and Marko shared a look, knowing that while they trusted David’s judgment, they were all terrified of the prospect of losing me. I did belong to them, just as they belonged to me…so they hoped that would be enough reason for me to stick around for good.

Paul nudged my arm as we watched a group of Surf Nazis drunkenly dancing and screaming the song ‘Rebel Yell’ horribly, despite the confusion that followed I felt my stomach grumble again as we watched them push and shove at each other.

Drool pooled in my mouth when one who had been shoved too hard fell on a fallen log they had been using as a bench and scraped his hand, too high to notice as he bounced up and rejoined his friends.

Paul’s head bumped against mine, one arm wrapped around my waist as the other held the tree limb above us.

“Pick one, baby.” Paul whispered in my ear while peppering kisses to my cheek and jaw.

Pick one? Why would I need to pick one, and why did I feel so hungry? Sweat was dripping from my face as my lunges felt heavier with every breathe I took.

“W-Wha...” Another hand captured my chin and turned me to look into the comforting gaze of my handsome brunette giant. His thumb brushed over my cheekbone as he leaned in close to capture my lips in a soft kiss, it only lasted a few seconds before he pulled away.

“Breathe sugar, I know you’re confused but you’re safe with us. We’re not going anywhere.” It was so easy to melt into Paul’s arms as Dwayne spoke.

Marko watched from above as I finally gave in and let my worries wash away, “There we go, our good boy.” He praised as Paul kissed my head and nuzzled into my hair.

David watched with a soft smile, he could feel how anxious his boys were and while he wouldn’t admit it aloud…he was scared too. None of them could even think about a life without their pretty boy now, far too addicted to ever let me go. Vampires were selfish and territorial creatures, and David was the worst of them all.

He would kill anyone who tried to take me away…even if it meant going against that bastard's sick dreams of a family. No one, and he meant No One, was going to get in the way of our happiness.

So with that in mind he decided to start the show, ”Boys.” All eyes fell on him with a buzz of excitement filling the air.

“It’s time.” Dwayne placed a soft kiss to my lips before I was released, they each stared off at the dancing drunks on the beach with barely contained eagerness.

I went to sit up but was pushed back against the trunk of the tree as David moved down to cage me against it, taking my chin and forcing me to look into his striking blue eyes.

“It’s time to join the club Kitten, see us for all that we are...” He stated turning my chin right as he snapped his fingers. Within a second the three boys had disappeared in a flash and the sound of screams filled the air.

My eyes grew wide at the bloodbath I bared witness to, the same boys that had been whispering comforting words to me, who had kissed me so tenderly, and fucked me into oblivion…were ripping human beings apart limb from limb.

David turned to watch my reaction as I felt the hunger grow, he smiled when he saw my eyes turn yellow as my gums and face started to ache. “Don’t they look delicious, kitten?” He trailed his leather finger up my chin and brushed my bottom lip, moving down to whisper into my ear.

“Aren’t you wondering why their blood smells so appetizing? Why the drinks we’ve given you taste so good?” He watched as realization flashed over my hunger hazed eyes. Not daring to look away from the horrifyingly attractive blood covered men who laughed as they tore into their meals.

“It’s because you’re one of us…or at least halfway there. All you need to do is consume human blood and you’ll be a creature of the night like us.” He purred into my ear and glanced at the boys, Marko was looking up at us while holding a barely conscious man with paling skin and a bloody throat, the poor thing hung limp in his arms.

It was the same man who had skinned his palm.

“Sleep all day, Party all night. You’ll never die, kitten. All you have to do is feed.” All eyes were on me now, the unknown beast inside threatening to come out if I didn’t give in. To devour the delicious smelling nectar that dripped from the fragile neck of a human being.

He was a human being! Why was I even hesitating? I should be running, fighting back, something other than sitting here while these bloodthirsty creatures' pet and paw at me. All while I looked at a fellow human like I was a starved man sat Infront of a full course meal!

But…But I wasn’t human anymore, was I?

Glancing down at my nails that looked sharper than before I knew I was probably far too gone already.

How did I even get here? One second I was talking with Michael in the safety of my home and the next I’m in the middle of nowhere surrounded by blood and guts and yellow eyed monsters.

They turned me into one of them…and the worst thing was I didn’t hate them for it, no... instead of hatred I felt...want.

Heavy lustful want.

David was caught by pleasant surprise when I suddenly grabbed his collar and smashed our lips together in a heated kiss, he didn’t hesitate to kiss back however. Meeting my passion with his own fire, digging his fingers into my hair to bring me closer.

When pulling away my heart skipped a beat at the shift in his face, much like a feline in the angular and sharp features. Yellow eyes filled with lust stared into my own as sharp nails dig into my hips, threatening to puncture the flesh.

“He's awakened the beast now!” Paul teased Elbowing Marko who shot him a glare before approaching, still holding the limp man who’s breathing had significantly slowed.

“Come on baby, just a taste.” I gasped when David grabbed me and leapt down, landing Infront of the curly haired beauty and setting me down. He stayed close though, hovering over my shoulder with his chest pressed against my shaking form.

It was too late to go back…but with how they were looking at me, full of love and hope, did I really want to?

Did I want to go back to a world where I had to hide who I was, my parents were never around, and when they were it was only because they needed something. But now I had four boys who wanted me, all of me. They were kind and funny, not to mention attractive and strong.

I had been one of them the second I stepped foot out of my truck.

Marko grinned when he saw that I had made my decision, starting to chant my name as the others joined.

“(Y/n), (Y/n), (Y/n)!”

Marko grabbed the man’s hair and yanked his head back, baring the bloody throat to me and making me hiss with painful hunger.

Baring my teeth I lunged and sunk my teeth deep into my foods neck, destroying the last bit of humanity I had left.

The boys cheered as I sucked down the delicious liquid that filled my mouth and dripped down my chin to stain my shirt, a wave of euphoria flushed through my system. Tears formed in my eyes as I slowly pulled away, letting the corpse fall to the ground as I stared at my bloody hands.

Gentle hands began caressing me, but I was so dizzy that I couldn’t even tell who they belonged to.

“That’s it baby bat, our good boy.”

“He looks so pretty all covered in blood.”

“I knew you could do it babe!”

“Welcome to the club kitten.”

Their voices echoed in my mind startling me as I saw that none of their mouths were moving, instead they were pulled into proud smiles as Dwayne whispered in my ear.

“You’re one of us now sugar, we're bonded.” He nuzzled into my neck and began licking away the sticky blood that coated my skin.

It was strange how much their affection affected me now, far more intensely than before. Tingling shivers rolled over my body as I held onto his strong arms, leaning my head to the side so he had more room.

He smirked against me, opening his mouth to place loving bites against my flesh. Skilled hands raked up my stomach, pulling my jacket off before I heard a loud rip.

Looks like I’ll need a new shirt.

“Just look at you baby boy, all covered in blood and looking so damn delicious.” Paul purred as he knelt Infront of me, not stopping for even a second He licked a stripe up my blood covered chest. Eyes rolled back at the mix of taste, ”Oh fucking hell, Marko you have to get a taste!”

Paul yelped when the cherub shoved him aside to kneel Infront of me, Cupping my face he smeared the blood over my lips as he licked his. “Oh baby, I’m so proud of you. We all knew you could do it, because you’re our good boy aren’t you?”

His praise brought a drowsiness to my brain that left me wanting more. Whimpering and nodding eagerly my one hand tightened on Dwayne’s arm while the other reached out for Marko.

“P-Please…” What I was begging for, I had no clue. All I did know was that I needed them in every way possible or else I felt that my body would burst into flames.

“Ah Ah, use your words kitten, what do you want us to do?” David’s hand came from beside me as he tenderly ran his sharp nails over my scalp and watched me shiver with glowing yellow eyes. Blood caked his chin as well meaning he had fed while I was drowning in this strange ecstasy.

“I…I want you all to touch me, to fuck me...show me that I’m yours!” Just like that I had four sets of hands groping at me and making me moan in pleasure.

“Well sugar, who are we to deny such a tempting request.” Dwayne growled in my ear as I squirmed in his embrace just as he had wanted back at the bikes.

Someone was unbuckling my belt and tugging down my pants and boxers in one go, while two mouths were licking up all of the blood from my body.

“Dwayne.” David’s voice echoed in the brunette's mind, "Distract him.” Feral grins formed at their leaders' words, he watched as David vanished into the trees.

"Come on baby? You want Dwayne to stretch your tight little hole?" Paul asked cupping my erection and making me buck into his hand.

“Yes! Oh god, please fuck me!” I pleaded looking at the four glowing eyes with tears falling down my cheeks.

“Aw listen to him beg Dwayne, I think you should give him what he wants~” Marko teased while Dwayne tapped two fingers on my lips waiting for me to part them before slipping them into my warm mouth.

I hummed at the taste of blood on his fingers as they pressed down on my tongue, Dwayne’s fingers left my mouth and lowered down to my ass, ghosting over my puckering hole as I shivered with anticipation.

"Ready baby bat?” He asked waiting for any signs of hesitation, smiling when he found only pure need.

"Please...I need to feel you inside me...”

"Keep begging baby, it’s so hot!” Paul interrupted my thoughts, and I looked over to see he was currently rutting against Marko, arms tightly wrapped around the smaller blonde's waist as their bodies molded together.

Heat spread up my body as I watched them, feeling my dick twitch while they continued to move in sync.

A gasp ripped from my throat when Dwayne used the distraction to push his fingers inside easily, my grip righted on his arm as they slid in and out stretching the muscle that still ached from its abuse yesterday.

But now every spark of pleasure ignited a burning need inside of me, impatience came along with it as I moved my hand back and cupped his hardened erection. Rubbing it I heard him let out a hiss and tighten his grip.

I drowned in his pheromones as his entire being flooded my senses, and from the way his eyes fluttered shut while he took a deep breath, I could tell he loved it just as much as I did.

When his eyes opened again they were back to their normal darkness, his pace suddenly sped up to match mine and tore a load moan from my throat.

“Fu-huck Dwayne!” I grunted nearly collapsing when he spread his fingers further stretching me to his content, whimpers soon spilled from my lips when my hips moved back to meet his fingers in search of more stimulation only for strong hand to grab my hips stopping my attempts.

“Patience baby boy, you’ll be filled up in a second.” Marko said before glancing to the other vampire with that Cheshire grin of his.

“Is he ready?” Paul asked peering over Marko’s shoulder panting as he grinds up against Marko.

Dwayne hummed in response, pulling his fingers out before moving out of my reach to unbuckle his pants.

Marko chuckled as I looked at him eagerly, shuffling forward a bit to press himself against my front. "See what you do to me baby boy, I can’t wait to feel your tight ass around me.” I bit my lip at the feeling of his hard Dick pressed against mine, his hands moved to wrap around us both.

Dwayne grabbed my chin and turned me to face him, forcing eye contact as I felt him slide between my ass cheeks. Slowly pushing after lining up, we both grunted when his tip started to slip past the ring of muscle.

Marko smirked with content watching my pleasure-drunk expressions, "Almost there sugar, once you take all of Dwayne I'll slip inside too, you’ll be stuffed to the brim with our cocks. And you’re going to love every second of it aren’t you?”

It felt too good to even think, the more he slipped inside the dumber I became until all I could do was nod with drool pooling in my mouth.

“Course you will, such a good boy.”

‘Fuck keep calling me that’ I wanted to say but all that came out was a whimper.

“You like it when we praise you Huh pretty boy? Like a dog waiting for their treat.” Paul snickered but they all knew it was true.

“Well get ready puppy because here it is!” Dwayne growled, thrusting all the way in until he bottomed out.

“Holy shit-He still feels so warm!" He leaned back and sat with me settled on his lap, using his strong grip to begin bouncing me on top of him.

The new position presented me fully to the two awaiting men, “Get in here boys, you gotta feel this.” His hips thrust up into me mercilessly making me moan in pleasure, I reached back and grabbed a fist full of his hair and his laughter rumbled against my back as he leaned his head down and peppered kisses to my shoulder.

Marko could feel his composure cracking, he wanted to hold back so that he didn’t scare me, but he couldn’t only last long. So the very second that I looked at him, arms stretching out with a needy look on my face, was the exact moment his restraint shattered.

He lunged forward knocking our mouths together as he ripped off his belt, pushing his pants and boxers down to press his tip to my stretched-out entrance.

He waited until I gasped as he bit my bottom lip to push in, grunting at the tightness and pressing our foreheads together.

“You’re right Dwayne, incredible...” Marko huffed as he pulled away and rolled his hips, the two groaned at the feelings while I was too distracted by the feeling of being pressed between them as they thrusted in tandem.

“Move.” I mumbled between the moans and gasps of breath. “What was that baby? Speak up.” Paul's head appeared beside me as he cupped my chin and turned my face towards him.

Leaning in he brushed our lips together and smirked as I tried to pull him closer.

“Paul kiss me!” The blonde didn’t need to be asked twice, crashing our lips together and battling my tongue for dominance.

Marko and Dwayne both grinned at the view, sharing a look that spelled trouble they began a brutal pace. Marko would thrust mercilessly and Dwayne would follow even harder. Pounding into me and moaning into my ears, and holy fuck was it hot.

Pulling away from Paul I moaned out with bliss as he moved down and latched onto my shoulder, teeth sinking into my supple skin and biting down to the point that if I were still human it would have torn out a chunk of muscle. “Yes! right there!” I yelled and clenched around them, earning three animalistic growls in return.

Their thrusts were unrelenting when Marko and Dwayne both reached the perfect spot, skilled in the way they easily found it over and over again.

At this rate I wasn’t going to last long, I could already feel the knot in the pit of my stomach tightening and threatening to release.

“Not yet sugar, just hold on.” Dwayne grunted licking a stripe up the back of my neck, he was drowning in pleasure as his hips slapped against my asscheeks.

“What about me baby?” Paul pouted, feeling left out up until my hand wrapped around his shaft. He let out a moan as I lazily jerked him off and leaving him a whimpering mess for me, begging me to go even the slightest bit faster.

My chest heaved as I smiled with satisfaction, he held onto me with tears building in his eyes when I squeezed. God I could cum just by looking at each of their handsome, pleasure ridden faces. Holding back like this seemed impossible when my boys kept fucking me without slowing down their rapid pace.

“I can’t hold it any longer! Please let me cum!” Marko shivered as I whimpered into his ear, but not without nibbling on his lobe. He was grinning like an idiot as he looked up at Dwayne and Paul’s matching smile, "Think we should let him, he was so good for us after all.”

Dwayne grabbed my chin, tenderly looking my blissed-out expression. “Since he begged so nicely, we’ll come together.”

It didn't take much longer for my body to finally give up in trying to hold back, my head fell back against Dwayne's shoulder as my cum shot up and covered Marko’s chest right as Paul came in my hand, holding onto me as he grunted.

Not even a second later I felt full as the two boys own loads were stuffed deep inside of me,their whimpers filling my ears as they came down from their highs.

“Definitely worth the wait.”

———

“He’s amazing isn’t he Michael?”

Michael fell back onto his ass as David’s voice suddenly came out from bee hind him, looking up at the looming figure standing over him.

David grinned and wiggles his fingers tauntingly,”Hello Michael, enjoying the show?”

Michael quickly shuffled away and stood up,brushing off some of the dirt on him as he glared at the vampire.

“What have you done to him! He didn’t want this!”

David merely rose a brow,looking him in the eye as my moans and screams for more echoed in the air.

“He’s just confused by lust,he doesn’t know what he wants!” Michael hissed,looking red in the face.

To David, Michael looked insanely jealous, if this were a cartoon steam would be coming out of his ears with a train whistle blowing.

“Oh yea, you’re absolutely right. Those are the sounds of someone who doesn’t want us to fuck him sensless.” David snickered pulling out a cigarette and lighting it up, taking a drag he stepped closer and blew the smoke right in Michaels face.

As Michael coughed and waved away the smoke David smirked, “Poor little Michael is jealous, He never got to fuck pretty boys tight ass so now he’s throwing a fit.”

His laughter only made Michaels anger worse,but David’s grin died down to a deadly glare, stepping forward until he was a breathes distance. “How many times do I have to tell you Michael, (Y/n) is ours. And we don’t share with others.”

Michael clenched his jaw because he knew that despite being a half he had no chance of beating someone like David. “He’s not an object, he’ll leave once he realizes that you’re all nothing but mons-“ he gagged before he could finish his sentence,David’s clawed hand wrapped tightly around his throat.

“Oh Michael, you just don’t know when to shut your fucking mouth.” David hissed with glowing eyes of barely contained fury,”Besides nothing you say is going to change the fact that you’re forgettable, he chose us over a pathetic waste of space like you.”

Tears built in Michaels eyes, flinching when the grasp on his neck grew tighter. “Perhaps I should just kill you now and rid myself of any further headaches.” His jaw opened baring his fangs aiming to tear out Michaels throat.

‘He’s asking for you.’ Dwayne’s voice echoed in the vampires skulls making David’s glare melt into a cocky smirk.

“Enjoy the rest of the show Michael, because the next time I see you…” he leaned in and whispered into his ear, “I’ll take great pleasure in draining every ounce of your blood and bathing him in it while he screams my name.”

Releasing his throat David didn’t waste a single glance towards the pathetic half again as he stalked off back to the others leaving Michael alone as he rubbed at his throat.

Silently plotting.

———

Paul was laid out on my lap as I leaned back against Marko, Dwayne was busy cleaning up the mess of torn limps and bodies missing throats.

“So…I’m a vampire now.” They shared a nervous look, unsure on how to read my stoic expression.

“We’re sorry sugar, we should have told you.” Dwayne said softly as he tossed an arm into the fire.

“Why didn’t you?” I asked, hissing lowly as I ran my hands through paul's hair.

Paul melted into my hand, soaking up the tender affection that I was giving him. He glanced up at me with an embarrassed expression, “We were worried you’d be scared of us.” I couldn't help but soften at how cute he looked, glancing at the other two I realized they had all been worried.

Now with a clearer mind I thought back on it, the clues were all right in front of me. The looks, the possessiveness, the true meaning being David’s words earlier.

They wanted me from the beginning, and once they got a taste they were hooked. I suppose the same could be said for me, even if they had let me go when I first woke up there was no way I’d be able to stay away from them.

“I have never been put first before, never treated with such love and care. You four have made me feel more important in the last two nights than my own parents have my entire life, and I owe you my everything for that.”

They shared a look of surprise,they hadn’t expected such a heartfelt response.

“Well damn sugar, you know how to make big bad vampires like us tear up.” I chuckled at Dwayne’s mumbled words as he came over and placed a kiss atop my head, smiling as I looked up at him with they same amount of love that they had looking at me.

"Speaking of big bad Vampires, We're missing one. Where's David?" Dwayne looked off towards the woods he had watched his leader dissapear into before looking back to me,"He's coming."

Nodding in understanding I started to get up, Paul rolled off to allow me room as I stood and brushed the sand off of me. Marko Handed me my boxers and pants while Paul searched for my jacket that had been tossed somewhere.

Once dressed I looked down at my chest to see the small patches of blood that was now dried to my skin, "This is going to take a bit to get used to..." They chuckled as I tried to wipe away the flakes.

"We'll be here to help you every step of the way kitten, you're stuck with us." Two arms wrapped around my waist from behind as I was pulled back into a sturdy chest, David's voice was a soft purr in my ear as he rubbed his nose into my cheek.

"Oh boy, lucky me." I teased earning a nip at my neck that made me laugh. "Well now that I'm one of you...I was promised an eternity of partying." David grinned proudly as he pulled away but kept an arm around me as he looked to the others.

"You heard him boys, let's get cleaned up and show our pretty boy a good time." They all cheered while Paul made a lewd comment about showing me a really good time. I'd be taking him up on that later.

They began heading back to the bikes leaving me to look over the burning remains in the firepit, I should feel guilty...like I was a monster.

But for some reason all I felt was the love my boys had for me, that overwhelming need to be around them overpowered any human morals I should have.

The old (Y/n) was dead, now all that was left was their Pretty boy.

No one was going to change that.

[foreverinadais]

sleepless: steven grant

Summary: Y/N can’t sleep... luckily, Steven knows how to calm her.

Word Count: 839 words

Pairing: Steven x fem! reader

Warning: None, just pure fluff :)

hi! i did a similar hc post which you can find here :) oh and i’m also reposting this, it was the first thing i wrote for Tumblr but wanted to edit some things, so yeah 

She couldn’t sleep. Normally, she would be fine staying awake, lost in her thoughts until whenever Steven, Marc or Jake was up. But, she hadn’t been sleeping a lot lately. Too many of the wrong thoughts, the anxious kind that kept her brain whirring and stomach churning.

After the fifth time of tossing over, she gently turned over to face Steven. He looked so peaceful, so content. A mere glimpse of his face was enough to make her smile, her heart skipping a beat. But watching him made her feel even more overwhelmed. She could feel herself begin to get restless, this just adding to her nerves, her tiredness. Finally, she decided to just get up and do something until either she fell asleep, or morning came.

Slowly, she removed the duvet off her body, reaching her feet down to the floor, wincing at the slight creak of the bed. She didn’t want to wake up Steven, not with him sleeping so soundly. So, she tried to be quiet, eventually sitting up before making her way out of the bed. The transition went rather smoothly… until she lost her way in the dark and stubbed her toe on the nightstand.

“SHIT-” she practically shouted before quickly covering her mouth. But it was too late; Steven was up in a flash.

“BLOODY HELL WHAT HAPPENED?! Y/N/N?” She found the lamp in the dark and switched it on, looking at Steven’s face, illuminated with worry. She winced at the slight throb in her toe.

“I’m alright. Just stubbed my toe. I’m sorry I woke you, darling, I didn’t mean-”

“Shh it’s okay, come ‘ere, let me look.” She went to protest but he was already sitting her on the bed as he examined her injury.

“How does it look, doc?” she joked, and Steven mocked seriousness.

“Bad. Terrible. We shall have to cut it off.” She chuckled as Steven got back up unto the bed, gently caressing her cheek as he passed her. “I think it’s alright. Does it feel okay? Not broken or anything?”

“Feels fine. Thank you, Steven.” She offered him a smile to which he returned, before rubbing his eyes tiredly. Guilt filled her insides. “I’m so sorry for waking you up, I shouldn’t’ve been such a baby-”

“Nonononono, darling, ‘s okay! Why were you getting up, my love?” She stayed sat up, fiddling with her hands to avoid confrontation.

“I just…” she cut herself off with a sigh, shrugging.

Steven shuffled so he was sat in front of her, taking both her hands into his and gently caressing her palms with his thumbs. “You can talk to me, Y/N/N, you know that don’t you? Darling?” She nodded, feeling tears brim her eyes. Fuck don’t cry. She told herself, but he was so nice, and she felt so tired…

“I’m just overwhelmed. Everything is too much, and my head is swirling, and it never stops. And I just, I want to sleep but my brain doesn’t rest right now and ugh I’m sorry I don’t want to burden you with this, I didn’t mean to wake you, Steven-” she cut herself off again with a choked sob, all of it washing over her, and Steven didn’t hesitate when bringing her into his chest, stroking her back comfortingly.

“Oh my love. I had no idea, you don’t need to be sorry, honey. Shh, it’s okay, let it out, all of it, don’t want it to get bottled in that head of yours, eh? There you go.” His words carried her through the storm, and she gradually felt herself get settled, the grip she had on his top loosening slightly as her sobs subsided. “I’ll help you with whatever work I can, okay? All of us will. We can get through it one bit at a time. But right now, there’s nothing more you can do, not tonight, okay? You deserve rest, you need to rest. So let’s do that. That alright, my love?” She nodded, feeling comforted by his words.

Steven kissed the top of her head once, twice, before slowly lifting her head up with his hands. He swiped some of the tears away with his thumb before gently kissing her forehead, her cheeks, the tip of her nose, before finally, her lips. So softly, it made her dizzy, made her worries melt away. She smiled against his lips, and he noticed, pulling away grinning.

“There’s my girl. Shall we go to sleep, my darling?”

“Yes please.” She croaked out, and he smiled at her lovingly, shuffling around on the bed so that he was lying back under the duvet, before bringing her with him. She settled with her head against his, leg swung over his own, and her arm around his neck. She felt completely safe as he traced her skin with soft touches, whispering comforting affirmations to her as her eyes became heavy. “Thank you, Steven.” She whispered.

“Of course, my love.” He replied, placing a last kiss to the top of her head, “Always.”