#so I not only didn’t get to go on the cruise but I got COVID too!

[huffle-dork]

If it wasn’t for my brain that is full of COVID tm it’d be over for you bitches-

[hitchell-mope]

Five years later.

Now be warned. These headcanons are based on what I personally think could have happened to the Pritchett’s by 2024. The pandemic and lockdown influenced this scenario. And it will have my own interpretations of the characters. So if you don’t like it. Don’t read it.

Let’s get the pandemic stuff out if the way first shall we?

During the lockdown Jay decided (read: he was forced to admit) that novelty dog beds were nonstarter. So now he’s a freelance consultant for closest firms like his own. He has his own hours. And he can make them pay through the nose. So he’s very happy.

Because of the pandemic freezing everything. Gloria decided to volunteer enforcing the six feet apart rule at supermarkets. She proved very effective.

Manny got lucky. Very lucky. He got cold feet the day before the cruise left so he was at home when the lockdown started in earnest. Javier on the other hand got stuck on a Covid cruise and became born again. Gloria wishes that he wasn’t.

Joe loved the zoom classes. He got to show his teachers his room. And he became very popular with his new class when he showed them the pool.

With the housing market frozen during lockdown, Phil also volunteered at the supermarket as a cashier and cleaner. It lacks the major human interaction he prefers. But he was proud to contribute to society in some way during the crisis.

Claire hated the pandemic. Her new job went up in smoke two weeks in. She had to reclean everything every two hours. It got so bad that Alex had to recommend a therapist to her. Claire still isn’t 100% yet. But she’s getting there. Plus. She’s gotten closer to Dylan.

Haley’s marriage suffered during lockdown a little bit. Dylan was classed as an essential worker. So he was basically living at the hospital for months on end. And he felt like he couldn’t talk to her about it. Not even when a surge of very young patients died on his watch on the same day. The only one he felt like talking to was Claire. But now they’re in marriage counselling. Which is helping them a lot.

Alex and Arvin also got very lucky. They were in California for his birthday and staying at the Dunphy house when everything shutdown. Their jobs in Switzerland were packed in. But at least Alex had her family around her during the lockdown.

Luke had a mixed bag during the pandemic. He was just about to leave for Oregon when lockdown was announced. Which meant that he was still at home and doing zoom classes so that was good. But he also had Alex breathing over his shoulder.

The lockdown was a miserable experience for Mitchell. In a completely different state miles away from the rest of his family. He kept a 24 hour zoom call going just so he could see his father every day. Needless to say he was over the moon when Cameron suggested they move back to California when lockdown was lifted.

Cameron’s dream job turned into a nightmare once all of the schools closed. Plus his side of the family, especially Pameron, didn’t follow any of the rules properly so he kept having to throw them out of the house to keep Lily and Rex safe. Admittedly he did go a little overboard when he misinterpreted “bubble” and tied to wrap the houses exterior in plastic. But eventually he calmed down and got through it.

Lily fared a little better. She found learning in place boring. But she was happy to finally have a reason to yell “get away from me” when people broke the six feet apart rule.

Now on to the fun stuff. This will be a bit Luke heavy because he’s my favourite character.

Luke ended up majoring in child psychology at the University of Oregon. He figured that George, Poppy and Rex could do with an Uncle Frasier. That and he watched Silence of the Lambs a lot during lockdown. He wisely leaves that out of conversation.

At ten am on the Fourth of July 2022 Luke Dunphy became a father to a boy he calls Phillip Franklin Dunphy. Frankie for short. The baby was left on the doorstep nameless. But he knows who mother is though. He only slept with one redhead after all. He’s now suing for full custody with Mitchell’s help on grounds of abandonment.

Luke fell in love with his college roommate in 2024. Reeves McCoy. (For references sake think of John Boyega in the force awakens but with a prominent Missouri accent). Reeve is on the wrestling team and is majoring in family law. Luke brought Reeve home for the summer. He hadn’t told anyone so everyone was very surprised but very happy for him. None more so than Cameron and Mitchell. Then Cameron found out they Reeve is a descendant of the fabled McCoy family. And Cameron was raised believing that the Hatfield’s are in his veins. Reeve won him over by singling a ten hour Cher medley.

Haley and Dylan have another baby now. Clark Kent Marshall. Named after Claire. And the ward that he was born on Neither of them get the reference to superman.

George’s first word was “oops”. Poppy’s first word was “no”. Rex’s first word was “Lily”. Lily lords it over Cameron and Mitchell every chance she gets. And Frankie’s first word was “dada”. Luke finally understands why Phil is the was he is.

Lily can yodel like Alameda Slim. Mitchell pays her 100 dollars a week to keep it a secret from Cameron. He categorically refuses to start a bluegrass band.

Alex and Arvin are married but don’t have children. They mutually decided not to. Instead they have a calico cat called Curie. Unfortunately for them. He has a habit of running through plate glass doors. So now Joe calls him Luke the Cat. And it stuck.

Thankfully for all concerned. Mitchell and Cameron moved back into their perfect house in 2021. It pays to be related to a realtor like Gloria.

Manny finally got fame for his movies. And he hates it. He made what he felt was a hard hitting docudrama about mother and son relationships. But it’s known as a reimagining of Psycho. He’s now joined Phil and Gloria in the real estate business.

Claire got on the Marie Kondo train. She started her own business where she helps people clean up their lives. Especially families with a lot of children.

Joe is a very smart student. Well. He would be if he didn’t channel all his intellect into a black market candy stall. Jay still doesn’t know where he got the merchandise from.

Phil and Gloria started a new business with Manny after Covid. Family Realty. They proved extremely successful with Mitchell and Cameron’s friends.

And that is what I think the Pritchett’s are doing five years after the show ended.

[aroundtheworldin214days]

July 4, 2023 - Day 190

Hubbard’s Glacier, Alaska

In the comments section “easyasgoingtothedentist” asked the following question so I thought I would try and answer. My response is probably too long but I wanted to give it a go so here it is.

Question = “It’s hard to believe you have been on this journey for half a year now. With one month remaining, would you reflect on your favorite places and where you would return to? Any comments on the world atmosphere post-Covid which you have experienced? How about any interesting people you have met on the ship? Which ports did they embark? What nationality were they? It has been really fun to read of your escapades. Thank you. Oh- and could you please post a map of the rest of your ports-o-call?”

Thank you for your note. I appreciate that someone is actually looking at this. It is hard to answer your first question because there have been so many but let me give you a few statistics before I try.

On this trip we have visited 44 countries with 117 stops in different cities. I keep track of how far we go each day and the two screenshots below show my mileage markers. To date we have traveled 51,430 miles and have 7,195 miles to go for a total voyage of 58,625 miles. As far as the rest of the voyage we will be visiting Sitka, Ketchikan, Prince Rupert, Victoria, Astoria, San Francisco, Cabo San Lucas, Zihuatanejo, Puerto Quetzal, Puentarenas, Cartagena and Great Stirrup Bay in that order. We weren’t allowed to land in Peru or Myanmar because of political unrest and missed Kodiak Island and Hubbard’s Glacier because of weather. Because of CoVid we were the first cruise ship to return to many of the ports and there were extremely happy to see us. Bands, dancing and big welcome signs were common. Many of these places depend on the tourist business and there were many closed businesses and restaurants that didn’t survive.

The average age of people on the ship is 72, the oldest is 92 and the youngest is 23. Five people have died during the voyage, there was one helicopter evacuation because of a heart attack, there have been 8 people that have broken arms, legs and wrists because of falls and 2 couples have been kicked off the ship because of misbehavior. The ship doesn’t advertise these events so there may have been more but these are the ones I know about.

Three hundred and fifty of the Around The World passengers got on and will get off in San Francisco. Fifty seven got on and off in Miami and NewYork. Half the passengers are from the US, 25 % from Canada and the rest from other countries including Switzerland, Germany, UK, New Zealand, Australia, Holland, Israel, Mexico, Columbia, Turkey and two Ukrainians. The passengers are fairly affluent with representation from all races, colors and nationalities. Most are retired but some still working a little. The professions include medical Doctors, lawyers, engineers, book authors, a retired bus driver, a police detective, a tobacco factory owner, university professors, bed and breakfast owners, medical laboratory technicians, the owner of a Canadian lumber company, the chief architect for Home Depot, high school superintendents, a physiologist and many more that I don’t know.

The crew is even more diverse. The Captain is from Croatia and most of the officers from Eastern Europe. There are only about 8 of the crew that actually work for the cruise line the rest work through a contract company and are mostly Indian, Philippino and Indonesian. The chef and ship manager are French.

As far as places I would like to go back to there are many so let me just pick one or two from each continent. The highlight of the trip was Antartica. Amazing scenery, amazing animals and absolute desolation. In South America it would be Punta de Este, Uruguay followed by Puerto Monty, Chile and Recife, Brazil. In Africa it would be the Seychelles followed by Cape Town, South Africa and Walvus Bay, Namibia. In the Middle East it would be Muscat,Oman. Dubai, of course, is great but it is just a big international city. In South Asia it would be Columbo, Sri Lanka. In the Far East all of Japan was great but if I had to pick it would be Hakodate and Kobe, Japan followed by Ha Long Bay, Vietnam and Singapore.

Politically my biggest surprise was how strong the Chinese influence is in many of the countries especially West Africa. The situation in these countries is very sad. It is to much to discuss here but basically the vast majority of people live in extreme poverty with the few people in power selling off the resources of the country to China to enrich themselves. The Chinese then move their people in to gain land and resources at the expense of the local population.

Another surprise and disappointment was what I saw in San Diego and San Francisco. The downtown streets are lined with tents and cardboard boxes housing the homeless. There were many many more than I saw in even the poorest countries we visited. I am not going to get into the reasons I think this is happening but there is definitely something wrong in these cities and it needs to be fixed.

[ruminate88]

So much confusion surrounded my digestive:

When I was walking away from my last relationship, there were moments I didn’t even remember to eat because I was just so upset with him constantly worrying what he’s gonna say or do next hurtful and I just wanted him to stop hurting me because I cared about him and I didn’t know why I deserved him to hurt me so much… I ate nothing but drank Mountain Dew as if it was water 😳😝

Less than a year and a half later, I get married to someone nice but I get sick that Christmas and I land myself in the hospital for 4 days and they had to put me on all these antibiotics and I know that it can kill the good and the bad within you. That was when I first noticed struggles with eating and digesting my food.

After that, I’m on my first cruise going around the Bahamas and I was told that drinking the water on the ship could potentially make me sick if the water is not filtered very good. I did not drink the water on any of the islands I went to, only the boat and because I was in a safe marriage away from my ex, I felt free to eat all that I wanted, and I was the heaviest I had ever been at that point, but I did start to notice at times, struggles after eating, but just couldn’t fully understand it or make sense of it and I felt I was completely in the dark about everything. Of course I blamed the antibiotics because I didn’t know any better! 😝

When Covid hit, that’s when all the extreme burning happened in my esophagus. I suffered for weeks and could not eat a single thing and I lost over 25 pounds within two weeks. EVERYONE CLOSE TO ME freaked out, Including my husband and they all looked at me differently. I felt broke in my body, but I didn’t know why. When I noticed I was losing hair, that’s when I began to truly feel like I was actually sick and something was really wrong with me. 😞💔💔

After I lost all the weight and got my esophagus healed to my knowledge, I start to calm down and I changed my diet drastically and I ate mostly healthy stuff and drink water only but very little coffee until I felt comfortable to drink more coffee and at one point, I actually lived on eating an apple only. That was the only food that didn’t bother me whatsoever for the longest time…. I kept losing weight and everyone kept scaring me saying how bad it is to keep losing weight. 😢

This year started with a very traumatic event with my in-laws. There was a sudden but shocking death that we all we’re trying to process and I’m struggling again in my body and I’m trying to make sense of it. I somewhat knew at this point about “fight or flight” mode and how it impacts your overal health when you stay in it too long but I’m still struggling to fully understand or accept it.

I watched an episode of “Everybody loves Raymond.” Where Robert says his ex gave him “spastic colon” AND I quickly googled it and it basically said it was IBS a.k.a. digestive issues…. Ding, ding, ding! The bell went off in my brain and I understood, but it doesn’t make me feel good about myself.

I struggled again at Easter and tried so hard to fight against this and work to learn how to help myself. I felt like I got myself under control again, so I stop worrying about it and I haven’t had any trouble UNTIL, here lately and I am stressing AGAIN about taking care of my body and realizing I’ve got to get out of survival mode and I’ve got to heal myself, but I can’t do it without God‘s help and I pray every day for a healthier body and healthier mind set ❤️‍🩹

[russilton]

on my knees again begging for rb!george crumbs. any angsty headcanons on what george does on sleepless nights? or what directly happens in the hours after he gets announced into merc? any george hc's would do bc i love this au sm 🤲🤲 - @ruszhou

Ame I will always give you RB au crumbs bc you know how to ask the best.

George and sleepless nights are a common occurrence, even before Redbull stop effectively letting him sleep.

RB au spoilers below the cut

RB AU MASTER POST

Tw for mentions of unhealthy relationships with sleep, drinking and food, as well as the abusive and isolating environment George endures at RB

It starts the way a lot of us get insomnia: chronic workaholism

George has always been a bit of a workaholic, even before he got into professional single seater racing, in his karting days he spent every minute his parents would let him at the track, and would stay up late doing homework for school, knowing if he didn’t, the karts would be the first thing to go. It continues that way, even though George never goes to university, there’s plenty of studying to do around his tracks, and George pretty much walks out of school and into his professional formula career (this is true for real life George, he walks out of a prestigious grammar school at 18 and comes p2 in an F3 championship… insane twink, this man is)

Gushing aside (we’re heading into AU territory here, so I’m talking fully out of my ass rather than using fact), George signs for Redbull at 19, and while his sleep improves for a while, at least when he’s in a bed. He’s travelling near constantly between Milton Keynes and race tracks, testing for Redbull, attending meetings with Helmut and the drivers Academy, and then when he’s signed to Torro Rosso he can add flying to Italy to that burden. He has to learn to adjust to timezone switches or he’ll pass out in the car, but he dislikes sleeping while flying, and tends to read instead, something Alex and Pierre love to tease him for. He favours autobiographies of other drivers and other sports people, along with books about engineering and car design. He doesn’t understand all of it, but he hopes he can learn enough to at least not sounds like a dumb kid. (yes he has Lewis’ book, but that one tends not to travel with him, stays safe at home where the signature across the inner cover can’t get smudged. George has an ebook version for travel.

In 2020 his sleep deteriorates rapidly. He can’t share rooms with Alex or Pierre anymore, who would throw pillows or discarded socks at him for keeping them up with his book light, they’re all separated to prevent Covid spread. And they’re spread out by more than just regulation; Pierre turning always from them both scornfully for how they take advantage of his mistakes, and George doing the exact same thing to Alex. This means there’s nobody to stop him staying up late into the night studying the tracks he’ll be racing, till he can practically draw them blindfolded. His keen track knowledge is vital if he wants to show up Alex, he gets less time to track walk than he did before covid too. It means George often cruises through races without any damage he caused, can take the more dangerous lines that others can’t because he knows the limits of his car. He turns that funky little AT into a monster by taking bigger risks, he only crashes out once that year on his own, and he’s patted on the back for the delay it causes.

When he becomes Max’s teammate, he sleeps better for a while. Max tries to get him to go out to parties with him, and George only goes a couple times before he starts shaking it off. Then he starts sleeping with Lewis, and well, there’s nothing like coming so hard your legs quiver to help a guy sleep. To his credit he doesn’t normally stick around after they fuck, George prefers to pull his pants up and head back to his own space. And he and Lewis aren’t exactly cuddly, so Lewis is happy to see him out with a slap on the ass and a teasing comment. They can’t risk getting caught either, with motorhomes and hotels that’s too easy. The only time Lewis may let George stay is monaco, even if it’s just a couple hours. He just fucked the guy against his window, he can offer him dinner at least since George has no idea where to go in monaco (this is Lewis’ first hint that George may not be quite the same as other rookie drivers, who are no doubt out drowning in vodka and club beats at that moment) they talk, it’s not exactly a heart to heart, but Lewis learns a little about the boy behind the bastard.

And George’s weekends work well like that, he goes into each Friday working hard, his usual routine of training and studying the tracks as he grins and snips his way through interviews, then he races hard and Lewis puts him away wet on Sunday, before he flies back to England to start the process anew. At least until Hungary, when George tips his career upside down.

After his stunt, Redbull drag him back to MK and made him do days on days of sim work. Max of course isn’t there, he’s on his summer break, but RB have different plans for George. Just because the team is meant to be in utter black out shutdown to follow the rules, doesn’t mean they actually do that. It’s redbull. They shout at him for every race sim that isn’t perfect, every team order he ignores, George starts staying up late to try and perfect his times so they just give him a break. His fingers crack and blister from how long he’s sat in front of screens, and they tell him his workout routine isn’t enough, and he has to push harder in the gym, his diet is heavily restricted and George can’t go a day without his physio poking and prodding his weight and routine.

When he shows up at SPA looking like he hasn’t slept, it’s because he hasn’t had much time to, the only time he’s left alone is to sleep and he subconsciously stops himself from sleeping as much because he’s avoiding another day of hell. If his only personal time is at night, that’s when he stays awake, even if it just makes him feel worse in the morning. When the races restart with that routine comes testing new car parts, playing Max’s Guinea pig with components that haven’t been simulated long enough, Georges drives get harder and more painful, but he pushes through because he has to. He aches to go back to lewis’ bed where he felt safe, where Lewis took control and told him what to do but it felt good. He has nobody to talk to in the paddock anymore. He can’t call his family, he knows what they’ll say and he’s not ready to hear it. He has no friends, he especially can’t talk to Lewis, he spends more than a few nights awake scrolling Instagram and Twitter to see what Lewis, or indeed any of them are doing, to feel any small level of engagement.

After Monza, he has occasional nightmares filled with Redbull staff laughing as Max parks his car on Lewis’ head. On those nights he wants to call Lewis, just to hear his voice, but he doesn’t, he just lies awake and calls himself pathetic.

When he podiums at the Turkish GP after Russia, he drinks the entire bottle of champagne that evening just to sleep a little faster.

Even after Merc approaches him to sign, and he then does, his sleep doesn’t improve. Now his worries are Red Bull finding out, a copy of his contract hid in a safe at his home out of sheer paranoia. His texts with Lewis, however short and unemotional, hidden behind passworded screens. He knows it’s ridiculous but he can’t stop himself laying awake at night going over how to keep this secret just a little longer, wondering if he made the right choice. What if Lewis was lying to him too, and he should have been grateful for the AT seat helmut might offer him.

He doesn’t sleep, fully and deeply, till after Abu Dahbi. When it’s over, he doesn’t have to get up and face Redbull and Max in the morning, all sulking over their “undeserved loss”. He goes to sleep in the same bed as lewis; their hands brushing as George passes out full of food his physio would hate and tipsy on champagne, relief and Lewis. He wakes up 10 hours later tucked into Lewis’ chest, a strong arm over his back, warm and safe.

His sleep isn’t fixed immediately, he still has nights where he’s up late worrying that the next call he gets will be Toto telling him they’ve actually dropped him, but Lewis texts him photos of Roscoe now he’s brought the dog back to England, and he invites George round the night before the announcement, so they can get take out and bicker over football results, because Lewis knows George is freaking out and needs a distraction, as well as someone to prep with. George sleeps over that night too, unsurprisingly dozing like the dead with Lewis' broad arm wrapped around his waist.

fun fact, I actually worried that the way George signs to merc (secretly and months ahead of any announcement) would be unrealistic and far too drawn out, but little Oscar P really went and proved me wrong didn't he. (No hate to Oscar, guy deserved better, but Mark Webber can go fuck himself)

Following the announcement, Mercedes’ know the fall out will be massive, and so they plan for George and Lewis to be at the factory for the entire day, intent on distracting George from staring at his phone and torturing himself looking at news articles. They basically use it as an excuse for a toned down office Christmas party, Bottas helps introduce George to his engineers, Lewis shows him to the strategy and mechanical team, taking George on a tour of Brackley and telling him stories of fuckery he and valtteri had either endured or created in each and every room. Showing George their trophies just so he can tease Lewis for trying to impress him, and then pointing out all the places where Mercedes’ could have had one of George hadn’t stolen it himself. It’s a little… domestic? George leaves his phone with PR, happy to let them handle his calls, till Toto summons them both back to a meeting room so they can watch a replay of Christian’s face on itv as he realises Mercedes have stolen George from under him. George thinks he should be anxious that the team is laughing at him too, but the way their warm gazes check in with him and Lewis throughout the afternoon, he finally starts to relax and laugh with them. He returns home with Lewis that night, some corny joke about it being too cold to drive all the way back to London alone, Lewis welcoming him with an open arm so they can celebrate George’s freedom privately.

There’s so much work to be done, so many strings to thread or cut loose, but for now they can just enjoy each other’s company without worry.

[fuck-customers]

Hope you don't mind the ranting

When I told my co-worker that I got my first COVID vaccine shot she honest to god said "Oh really. Well, you know I'm anti-vax. But I know I need it to get it before I go on my cruise, so I might as well get it."

Is this seriously how you fuckin anti-vax/mask people truly are?! All those "I'm scared all these chemicals I'm putting in my body will kill me" or "Masks lowers your oxygen levels" is nothing but a fuckin act?! Especially since you can easily look this shit up on CDC.

Are you people so bored of your lives that you would go so far to cause drama, by risking other people's lives, for attention?! IS THIS YOUR TRUE FORM?!

My co-worker is a veterinary technician. Whose whole job is based off of science and medicine. And she's very good at it. She's a professional. And yet, again, SHE'S ANTI-VAX. She doesn't push her beliefs onto people which is good. But her reasoning for being anti-vax is incredibly stupid. She said she got a fever after her first flu shot and she never want to go through that again. So it's not because she doesn't believe that the vaccine would protect her, it's because she didn't want to spend a few days of discomfort. THAT'S IT! 

I think the main reason why this simple "oh I change my mind" exchange infuriates me so much is that I wish a lot of anti-vax/mask people would drop this melodrama because it would not only make things easier and safer for everyone around you--which you proved constantly throughout this soul-crushing year that you don't care about that--but would also be so much easier for you.

Co-worker wants to go on a cruise. She can't go without being fully vaccinated. Done. She may feel crummy at first but hey, at least she can relax during the rest of her trip. God damn fuckin simple.

What do you assholes get from yelling at people and deliberately coughing on them? Hatred. Unsatisfaction. Denied service. Nothing going your way, unless, these were the reactions you wanted. Hence, your obsessive attention-mongering.

WE DUB YE, KARENS! In the most dangerous ways.

[oh-for-fic-sake]

The Stand In Chapter Seven

Masterlist Summary: Your finally home! comfortable and confident in the familiar surrounding's at least you are until Henry helps scout the woods for shooting location's and manages to get you alone and you both find out that admitting feelings is tough, but misunderstandings are much worse. Warnings: Implied Smut?, Innuendos?,  Angst, Fluff, Swearing A/N: so here we go chapter Seven!! I'm super happy with how this has ended up but its very long...very long like 1300+ words so get ready!!  This is mostly fluff and angst!!  And a special Thanks to @ayme301​ for helping my with the idead of Joey!!! I hope you all enjoy it xx Taglist: @dark-night-sky-99 @thummbelina @sofiebstar @jellicorn05 @m3anwhil3misha @thefangirlsblog @al-wiisa @healojane @goodpeoplegotohellanyway @heybitchhhh @britty443 @ayamenimthiriel @crazyandanonymous4u @rebel4fandom @mrs-dragneel-stark-solo @angelofthorr @harrysthiccthighss @loserrlauraa @tumblnewby @singeramg @cheeseman​ @lundelorient @isitmine @tinabean37

"You ready?" You asked grabbing your phone checking the battery quickly. Eighty percent good enough. Freya smiled nodding it was time to get going! "Yeah lets go...This is a cool car its very you..Does it have aux? Bluetooth? Can I connect to it?" You chuckled nodding to her sitting in your baby. "Yeah go ahead! she has a killer sound system if I do say so myself~...Use the aux its better on your battery life its in the glove box" she clapped her hands excited as you moved tucking your phone in to the door pocket. She squeeled when she saw found the aux cable and gushed over how neat and cute your car was, you smirked, you thought your baby was cute to. "Oh my god! It's so so small but comfy! like its not cramped in here at all!" you shook your head. As she moved her seat back and streatched out. She was right looks were deceiving you had a black Peugeot 207cc, not to fancy but it was a convertible and all yours. You both fiddled about getting seat belts on and Freya popped her bag on the small bucket seat in the back letting her stretch out her feet in the foot well completely unhindered. You brought the car to life, a deeper growl than she should have thanks to your little customization's. Freya looked around it getting to grips with the stereo you moved your hand down to the roof controls pulling back and she flew, jumped about a foot nearly hitting the roof as it peeled away then began laughing loud. "Holy shit it's a convertible?!" You smiled nodding smugly to her as she leaned back already connecting her phone to the stereo. "I've so hit the jack pot today!" She called as suddenly her music came through the quality speakers you'd had put in.

You swore lightly as you crawled along the motorway in first gear. This was a shit day you should of known Mathew was a bad omen. Here you were nine nearly ten hours into what should have been a seven hour drive. Roof down in the blistering thirty four degree heat!!. The air con was on cooling your feet but that was little constellation to the burning on the back of your neck. "So here is the down side to a convertible no protection in the fucking heat!" You said trying to laugh off the brutal situation at least it was automatic and you wasn't shifting gear every few mineut's or so. Honestly your feet weren't even on the pedals the car did all the work crawling down the tarmac. Things had been great until an hour ago you'd been cruising,  blasting tunes,taking selfies with Freya even a video for her instagram story which over the course of filming you'd been involved with. Joey had also convinced you to make your own which was cool. But during this drive things had been just laid back and fun! Especially as you weaved in and out of the Witcher entourage singing along to the likes of queen, little mix and Rhianna as you went, having a proper girls road trip. Freya received a text from Joey who was in a car behind you at some point begging you to change the song when Freya decided to blare toss a coin once she spotted him waving in the window. Even Henry who was in the bus you were overtaking had popped his head up and called a few words out the window laughing as you passed him head bopping like pigeons to Joeys strumming. Naturally once you'd got those reactions the song was put on repeat and turned up. You'd even slowed down to be along side Henry's bus and trap Joey's car behind you for a few verse's or so the second time round before shooting off and pulling in infront of the bus. Then a lunch pit stop which included you and Freya following Joey singing toss a coin loud and off key to irritate him. But he laughed along with you, he found it quite flattering that you both knew all the words because you both had it on your phone..I mean what Witcher fan doesn't? After lunch the other trucks had caught up with you and you all set of again for the next few grueling hours of the drive. It was only one more hour of plain sailing until bang. Fucking traffic an accident by the looks of it, you were all trying to check the news but it had only just happened and nothing was being released about it. but by the amount of police and ambulances it was very bad. "Fuck me we will get there quicker reversing!" You groaned slumping Freya giggled finding the whole situation a laugh a mineut she moved opening a bag of crisps holding them out to you letting you take a few. "No no its fine besides I get to wear this fashionable hat~" she posing for anothet selfie in the large floppy sun hat that you kept in the car for this type of situation the hat covered the back of your neck. She scanned her phone and sat up from her slouched position seeing the traffic news. "Oh fuck they just put inline about the accident...We're on the M40 right?" You nodded to her and frowned what ever was online didn't seem good for her to frown like that "Says here tail backs are for a few hours...Accident was two lorries caused a ten car pile up at junction eight... looks nasty five fatalities." You squinted junction eight?! That was fucking miles away from where you were sitting. You moved to reply but was interupted by her phone going off. "Hold on its Lauren...Hi...You saw it to?...Hold on I'll ask her" she moved turning to you. "Are we close to the accident? Lauren said you'd know better than anyone" you shook our head at her letting the car crawl faster as someone pulled oof into the lay by getting out to have a piss. "Not really... About twenty minutes in normal traffic. I know a short cut the smaller cars and vans can take to avoid it busses can't tho just tell them to follow me" Freya recited that to Lauren who seemed to consult Tee the put the phone on loud speaker. "Really? You can get us there quicker around the traffic?" You heard the hope in Laurens tone as she asked you. "Yeah you just gotta trust me I know this area....Might cut through country roads near home okay? tell them to follow me off the motorway after the next junction A404 then down to the M4 the bigger trucks and busses will have to go on to A329 then to the M3 they should come off at towards blackwater and hawley...think its the A327or skmehing its an okay work around but the rest can fit in the smaller roads with me" you heard Tee speak up moving to the phone getting louder. "You thinking of going around ascot? The old back roads around the ferns and the old showground?" You smiled as she guessed correctly and nodded you could hear the smile in her voice. "Yeah then we can be in the woods from the back near the chocolatebox house just past the sand pitt" you explained knowing you and Tee were the only two who had a clue what you were talking about. In all honesty you wasn't that far from the woods it was just the motorway though a pain and longer in miles was usually faster. "But don't we need to be on the other side? We were setting up set on your side of Brian's woods...Better access" She questioned you huffed smiling she forgot it would all be cornered off for you. "Yeah but snake lane is gonna be clear with us booking the whole wood so can use that to cut through there" you grinned hearing a decisive hmpf and a chuckle fro Lauren before Tee spoke up again. "Alright smart ass" she said grumbling "I take that as a compliment~" You and Freya eyed one another giggling both knowing Tee was gonna pout. "Okay well it sounds like you have a plan could you text me the directions so we and text them to the others." Freya nodded and confirmed saying she'd text them over "Its better actually we still need to walk the woods and find exact locations...We panicked and had to book anywhere we could after the covid shenanigans.. But we trust you girls you seem to know where your going~" you quickly thanked Lauren and she hung up giving Freya the time to text over the directions so everyone could be informed of the new plans.

Thanks to your short cut you and a few others managed to be home within 45 mineuts as apposed to the trucks and busses that were still another hour and twenty mineuts away others had also figured out the new work around. Much to your surprise Henry and Kal were also here managing to wrangle themselves into one of the small people carriers with Joey to practice lines. Currently you were walking through the woods near camp with Tomasz and Lauren looking for locations to shoot. You didn't really need to accompany them but after sitting in traffic for so long you all needed to stretch your legs. Freya had stayed behind with kal and Tee finding themselves a spot on a blanket under a huge tree just relaxing enjoying the soft breeze. It was the calm before the storm, the few days of relaxing and slowly throwing your base camp together before jumping right back into the hectic filming schedule. You walked along the trails completely at ease eyes roaming the familiar woods you were home. Not that you live in the woods but..You lived across from them literally you parents house was just over the field, across from the main entrance and base that was currently being set up on the small worn dirt car park enough to just squeeze everything in to. Although this wood was close to Hawley wood it wasn't apart of it. This was a private working woodland with hacking paths and logging areas. You looked down scanning the area out of habit, you did it automatically drilled into you from exploring and playing in these woods. You saw it, your trained eyes locking on the slim body and quickly without hesitating yanked Joey towards you causing him to yelp as you pulled him off his footing. The others stopped looking at you as Joey began creating a fuss. You pointed down to wear he nearly placed his foot. Joey had nearly stood on a fucking snake an adder to be more precise. "There's a fucking snake Joey?!" Suddenly there were 'manly' screams as Joey bolted around you away from the snake coiled on the floor by his foot. He was hysterical freaking out with frantic twitches with every brush of twigs and grass. "Joey its okay see he hasn't moved..He isn't bothered he wont bite you...He would have had you stepped on him" You noticed everyone suddenly paying close attention Henry came closer looking in awe fascinated. He went to pick up a stick making to poke it but you stopped him. "No Henry! Fuck no! That’s an adder..." he looked at as if to say and?...Oh yeah most people don’t know. You sighed motioning to it. "Venemous Henry...Their Venemous you do not want to be bit by it...Fucking nasty Levi got bit once painful business" you moved ushering everyone on before the snake got to aggravated you knew how fast they can move you were all in striking distance. As you moved across the trail everyone now seemed to watch the ground carefully as you walked through the sparse area before reaching camp. "But seriously a fucking snake!? I didn't think we had them over here!?" Joey said clutching at your arm eyeing the floor still twitchy you linked arms with the panicked man who looking around warily eyeing the sticks treading carefully. "Yes we do, a couple actually some grass snakes, smooth snakes worst are the Adders...Its rare to see them in all honesty Adders especially they are the only venomous snake in this country not life threatening though" You almost laughed as the others stuck close to you each making sure you were still eyeing the track.

"How'd you spot it anyway?" You shrugged at him as you continued this particular path was a large c and you were close to the carpark by now. "I grew up here you learn to keep your eyes peeled...A little advice though they coil up in sun spots, so the clearer the canopy the more likely they are there, flat surfaces to he was just sunning himself...Just watch your feet and you'll be fine...They leave around October to, gets to cold" you tried easing the frightened man he nodded and relaxed his hold before trying to laugh it all off with some typical Joey-esque bravado and Jaskier worthy scoffing. "What else should I worry about Tinks? foxes? Wasps!" You shook your head laughing at him cutely patting his arm breaking away making him quickly clutch at you again. "Haha no foxes are skittish round here...But we do have a few vespa hornets...And badgers...Badgers are worse... Don't go poking around any borrows" you smiled smugly and slipped from Joey's hold properly he whined looking around still jumpy from the snake incident. "Fucking wait a minute what do i worry about more the hornets or badgers?" You hummed and weighed up the time. The vespa hornets are scary as fuck buzzing around you and they are few and far between you just brought them up to make him squirm...What can you say today you were just in that type of mood, besides your and Joeys whole friendship was annoying one another with banter. But you loved each other when it came down to it. You tapped your chin making the man wait with baited breath. Aw bless he looked so uncomfortable. "Badgers, I was pissing about with the hornets they haven't been spotted for a few years" you said finally putting Joey out of his misery. "Really...Badgers aren't they like tiny...The size of a house cat?" You smiled turning to face him shaking your head. "Wait a minuet you've never seen a badger? Like ever?" You asked completely struck with the fact he might never have seen an animal that to you is common, there is a burrow near your shed for christ sake!. "Nope...Never but really they can't be that bad" he said you gaped at him.Well I'll be damned. Never seen one, you were gonna fix that! "Joey hun they are bigger than a cat like neary a meter long and chubby big claws" he gulped looking around even more wary making you burst out laughing. "Joey, they are knocturnal you wont see a badger...Or a fox the most you'll see is squirrels, rabbits maybe some snakes or slow worms-which look like baby bronze snakes but are harmless nothing to deadly I assure you" he seemed to calm down at that.

Once back at set you watched Lauren and Tomasz frustrated talking with each other trying to pick out spots for filming, they were under strain trying to find the perfect locations. But they seemed underwhelmed with the area ,You heard the word ritual and magic. You could see they were getting frustrated. Trying to think you snapped your fingers the gate! "You wanted a magical type place for filming?" You asked incredulous they nodded to you hoping you could pull another win out of the bag today "Wish you'd just said! I thought you were looking for some trail for Geralt to walk or something!...Follow me! I know a spot it's one of those things if you don't know about it you wont find it" You marched off slipping off the trail leaving no room for thought. Henry was the first to shrug following followed by Lauren and Tomasz. Joey had stayed behind this time wandering over to Freya Tee and Kal not willing to risk another snake encounter. Henry eyed your back as you walked on through the scrub leading once again Knowing exactly where you were off to for the second time today. He followed behind the two directors calling out to you as you lead them seemingly deeper into the woods. "Tinks are you sure we should leave the trail!?" You waved Henry off making him heave a sigh.

"Trust me! I know my way around these part this is home turf!" Was what you called out over you shoulder as you marched on wards, you continued leading them deeper into the woods away from the main trails ten minuets later you stopped looking down a steep bank, the ground broke of suddenly into a six foot drop a small clear trickling stream as the base you smiled...It was still standing. "Here this is it!! I used to play here as a kid I almost forgot it was here! It was only when you said magic I remembered" You quickly launched yourself down the bank that had seemed much higher as a kid. It looked much older now the over hanging roots now thick and looping out and in the dirt towards the old structure below. It was a stone moon gate on a flat pebbled bank that peeked out of the tiny stream that bended around it making the structure have a small five to six inch deep moat. A few larger trees had fallen but it actually did a favour opening up the canopy of trees letting larger streams of light frame the scene. Tomasz and Lauren smiled quickly speaking amongst themselves about how they could make this work as 'Geralt’s camp' and the small ritual Yennefer was going to do.

You walked over to the lightly Aged stone smiling remembering all the times you played here as a kid. You were glad it was still standing. "You know I broke my wrist trying to climb this as a kid... Didn't even notice to much thought I sprained it...Mum went mental when I got home and she realized Id been playing on it for hours despite it being black and blue the size of a grapefruit...knocked me out of competition for a while to...I was always down here best place to find tadpoles!" You muttered as Henry crept up behind you smiling you turned eyeing him cautiously and quickly flicked your gaze to the stone again and pointed to one at the top. "That’s the bugger I slipped on! Everything seemed much taller then" he followed your gaze and sighed, it must have been something being raised around here. "Well I doubt there’s much difference now~" he smiled poking playfully at your height as he stood tall. Henry moved to the side eyeing the large stone circle. You whined at him giving a sweet pout before huffing stepping towards the small stream. Henry did a slow walk of the little make shift island in the stream taking in the tall aged trees, the canopy of leaves was high so the equipment would get in here fine without causing much damage...And the bank gives a good overview of the area. He turned one slow sweeping motion eyes landing on you who had tucked down letting your hands dip into the shallow water you sunk them to your wrists letting the cool water wash over them you sighed happily. It was good to be back home. To Henry you were a vision, the light hitting the water lighting up your face as you closed your eyes and smiled taking a deep breath just enjoying the moment. You were sexy and stunning, cute all in one you just seemed so? "Perfect" you looked back up to him shyly his soft eyes were glowing in the fractured light reflecting off the water. You swallowed unable to stop your staring the man was sunning his face was relaxed a small lopsided smile across the perfect jaw he licked his bottom lip and smiled wider, he was always happy to capture your attention. "I think its perfect here to!...The gate isn't that old though...Only like twenty odd years...Which does us a favor Brian had it put in when his daughter was at university studying photography and cinematography... She used it for her final project-" Henry shook his head with a chuckle You'd missed his point. He crouched down beside you angling himself to face you holding eye contact then slowly moved caressing your face lightly tucking the short lilac strands behind you ear in a sweet gesture. You gasped unable to hold eye contact for long looking down to you hands in the water trying not to squeak at him being so close. Yet so far? It was bittersweet. The object of your fantasies. Man of your dreams was right here. In touching distance constantly flirting and making almost romantic gestures. Yet he was still out of your reach. Out of your league. Your face dropped and you faltered.

There you go again. Something crossed your eyes making you pull back. Nerves? doubt? Unease? Henry couldn't tell but he really wished he could stop it. Wished you'd stop getting yourself down. Its like when you acted but instead of a mask it almost felt like a wall. You slammed up a guard between you and he wanted nothing more then to tear it down. To comfort and reassure you, but it was hard to try and reassure you when he didn't know what was wrong. 'Maybe now's the time?....Yes! That’s it right come on superman pull some courage out of your ass...Tinks go out with me....No no that's not-your not giving her a choice she'd say no just to be stubborn...Right...Tinks I'd be honored if you'd accompany me on a date....What the fuck? Honored,accompanied? What is this a fucking marriage proposal?...Well not yet-WHAT THE FUCK HENRY? YOUR NOT EVEN DATING HER YET!! Right okay okay new plane ,new plan ask her out or?...Or just tell her you like her bingo ask her out and if you fail tell her you like her!..I mean fuck sake. AcOmPaNy Me On A dAtE. It wasn't a question either...Come on henners...WHY THE FUCK IS THIS SO DIFFICULT!? its never been this difficult...So that means she's the one right?-So I cant afford to screw up!...No pressure then...Right just say Tink's would you like to go out with me?...Yes that’s it straight to the point....Would you go out with me? Would you go out with me? Right okay...Okay deep breath here we go' After Henry hyped himself up plans A and B all ready to go. Oh god. He moved his hands into the water it was a tactical move. His palms were sweaty. He took a deep breath watching his own hand dip into the cold stream sighing contentedly 'yes right now just ask....Ask her out...Move your lips say Tinks would you go out with me?...That's all you need to say! FUCK SAKE SAY IT! ASK HER?...Hold her hand first' He moved his hand through the water before stopping and wrapping his hand around yours, then brought the other to hold it to. Enveloping your hand with his own making your breath hitch you went to ask what he was doing but froze getting trapped in his eyes.

He was staring intently almost like when you first met him but there was something deeper like he wanted to get something out. It looked almost painful was he worried?

"H-henry? Are you okay? Do-don't you like this place? Do you think it wont work?" You asked panicking it was clear you were already trying to think of other places and little groves the wood has.

"No! No it's I....This place is perfect but...It's just that...That’s not quite what I meant~ I wasn't talking about ah... I was talking about...Well" you froze cheeks tinting pink as you cottoned on as he continued staring at you...That he had he been talking about you... He smirked feeling more confident watching as you became all shy realization crossing your face. You quickly looked down to the crystal clear water suddenly finding the colored stones that made up the stream bad interesting. You occupied yourself by curling your fingers in his hand gripping him as he squeezed it lightly reassuringly. It was more for him to reaffirm his resolve. You were here alone now. Time to do this go Henry go!

"You-your so beautiful do you know that?" You smiled and chuckled at him waving your free hand to him⁸ nervously voice getting caught in your throat. 'Oh my god? Is this really happening!? Shit girl he is looking right at you,lovingly? IS THIS CLASSED AS ROMANTIC!? OH MY GOD IT FUCKING FEELS LIKE IT....Fuck fuck okay don’t scream...Don't scream or panic...Not to be one to toot my own horn but he is lost in your gaze like one of those fucking mills and boom romances...Was he meaning to look at you like that? All sweet and endearing...But no! Stop it!...It will never happen your just letting the others get to you...But then why is he saying this? If he didn't mean it? He doesn't seem the type to say things for no reason...But oh fuck wouldn't that be something?...This gorgeous sweet man thinking you were beautiful....But no, you can't afford to fall for it no matter how tempting' you swallowed looking away from him trying to distance yourself. This was a fantasy! He will never be yours. He was... Entertaining himself is all. You took a breath looking at him trying to slowly pry your hand from his but he wouldn't allow it, he was frowning at you lightly. "H-henry you don't..Don't have to...Mathew isn't here you don't have to say stuff like that...Don’t have to protect me from him" you muttered the words quietly unsure if you really wanted to hear his reply. A part of you liked to pretend that he was interested, that he could like you and he wasn't just doing all this out of some strange misplaced feeling of responsibility. You held your breath waiting for him to confirm that that was all it was. He felt responsible for you. He shook his head releasing a deep breath before speaking and even serious tone. "Tinks would you...Fuck okay no...Right. Tink's. Would you like to..." Henry turned his head squeezing his eyes shut and cursed angrily. You frowned at him he looked annoyed and upset. You knew it! You fucking knew it! It was just him taking responsibility for you! He was just being kind...To kind to even let you down easy. Your chest clenched horribly tight and your wind wipe constricted pulling in the most awful of ways. You felt so stupid for ever building your hopes . Of course he didn't really like you....This was Henry Cavill the incredibly handsome actor who'd never have looked twice at you if you hadn't been working along side him. You felt crushed and looked away as tears gathering in your eyes. You were so pathetic a silly little virgin with big ambitions. Maybe Mathew was a safer bet. You tried to slip away from him but he wouldn't let you instead of releasing your hand he moved circling your wrist in a firm grip.

Henry swore under his breath.What the fuck just happened? One moment he had stammered out half of his admission, began to literally ask you out. Then the next you were all but falling to pieces in front of him trying to run off. How? Why?...No he'd fucked up along the way and he couldn't figure out how he'd shot himself in the foot this time. He held your wrist in on hand the other firmly interning  hi fingers with your despite you trying to wriggle away. "Whoa there-hey Tink's?....Whats the matter love?..Y/n could you look at me...Please love?" He asked softly tip toeing forward trying to inch closer but not fall ass first into the water, he settled knocking knees with you. Slowly you sniffled and put on a smile it was clear to see it was a forced one it didn't reach you eyes. He winced seeing the beautiful emeralds clouded by tears. His guts churned he had done that. He didn't like it. "Hey there gorgeous~ what's gotten you so upset?...Look love I was trying to say...That I-I know that I don't have to but I want to...I love complimenting you. You deserve to be told how incredibly beautiful you are" you frowned at him what? But that doesn't make any sense? You tilted your face slightly turning to him trying to conceal your unshed tears not wanting him to think your pathetic. It was a pointless endeavor he was looking right at you holding eye contact he could see them alright there was no denying that. But strangely it was his cheeks that were pink for once and with a lopsided uneasy smile on his face he looked like a little boy trying to dig himself out of a very big hole. He continued stuttering slightly stumbling over his words trying to find the right ones. "I...A-and I was trying to find the words..pfft still am...I-It's just that I'm finding this....Hard? harder then usual for some reason...I just really really wanted to tell you that I...I was serious the other day Tinks, about a possible relationship" His brow was twitching worriedly a he spoke and he still seemed completely out of his depth but he carried on clearing his throat. "I...Y/n I meant every word. I? I'm not just doing these things to protect you from that little prick...hehe That's just a bonus.. I just wish you knew what you did to me...I-Fuck me come on Henry!...I really like you Tinks..Like like" he finished with a small chuckle and sagged his shoulders in relief so glad to have that off his chest he didn't even notice you freezing holding your breath even.

You just gaped at him in that moment everything stopped. 'What? but how? Why? That was why he...It wasn't because he didn't like you? He was nervous and couldn't find the words because he did?...OOOHHH SHIIITT HE WAS FUCKING WHAT?? HE WAS-NO NO no calm...That’s it breath and think...he liked you, he liked you!. He was serious....babe he was MOTHER FUCKING SERIOUS LIKE WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON? WHERE AM I? WHO AM I?... He meant it, he meant it this is just...wow Henry has meant all these things holy fuck...Oh my god, now that really does change things.GET IN THERE GIRL YOU CLAIM YOUR HONEY BUN!! Hehe more like Claim your sexy bun's...No...No not yet fuck play it cool shit your freaking out and he can see it! Stop it...ouch why do my lungs hurt? Oh I'm holding my breath yep that'd do it now breath...Any time now one big gulp of air should do it....Oh for the love of god! Breath it's not that hard! Just-just calm down and fucking breath!!...Oh fuck he is serious you weren't going crazy!!...Henry Cavill...Want's you? Like holy shit mind blown...Now how do we go about it? How do you start The dating process? Shit this would be so much easier of he didn't still take your breath away!' Henry cleared his throat nodding to himself a reassuring smile on his face and stood taking you with him you were having a meltdown that was clear so there wasn't much you could do. You were to lost in your own thoughts to fight him as he stood with you pulling you closer. He seemed pleased to have gotten that off his chest. He moved holding your hand by your fingers curling them until your hand was held firmly in a princess hold your hand trembled ever so slightly, palm growing sweaty...You hope he didn't notice as he pulled your now cool hand to his face placing another sweet kiss to the back of it snapping you out of your little tizzy finally he pulled away with a wink and grin now seeing you were back from where ever you'd gone to. "I love it when you zone out and glow like that, face all cute and red it normally means I'm doing something right~" you stuttered at him as he spoke in a low easing tone. How he can go from nervous and stuttering to cheeky and confident in seconds always caught you off guard. The man was blessed in so many ways...To many if you were honest.

It was after that a silence fell over you both as you stole glances each other. You shivered meeting his increasingly nervous gaze. Shit this was getting awkward real quick. You shuffled around each other daring the other to ask. Willing for one another to ask the all important question. Do you want have dinner with me?. That's all a simple question. The air felt fragile, neither of you wanted to speak nervous and quivering. Your eyes roamed him questioning. Should you? Was he waiting for you to ask? Or was it to early?  Was he just letting you know?

Henry bit his lip. He was freaking out he had hoped his last comment had lightened the mood and it had, but you were still frozen blushing unsure where to put your face he began panicking. 'Shit. It was to much to soon. Was it? Were you not interested? Did he fuck this up...Fuck sake Henry you just had to be an eager beaver and now you've cocked up royally...Quick change the subject or-or ask...Ask her out dammit don't let this chance pass you by!!' He grunted and took a small step towards you grasping your hand again running his thumb over the back of it. But in the end it was fruitless just as you peeked up at him Lauren had called down to you both. You twisted your head nodding and moved walking over to the bank, but you didn't let got of Henry's hand, instead you interlocked your fingers squeezing trying to get across just how you felt in the tiny gesture. If you didn't have the courage to say anything you could at least try to show it? Lauren and Tomasz began speaking as you and Henry sauntered back to them looking up. Tomaz smiled knowingly at the interlocked hands but chose to say nothing. Instead he rose an eyebrow as you both had pink tinted cheeks. Henry was grinning like a Cheshire cat you were holding his hand! You held onto him and you wasn't letting go! So it meant you were interested, you were just to shy to ask him out. But what did he expect? He'd just sprung it on you- did he really think a shy inexperienced gorgeous young woman who was a self confessed fan was going to ask him out? What a dick!? Well at least he realized his mistake even if it was to late...There was always tomorrow. "Its time to head back it's six already!" Lauren said she was right the sun would be setting soon ,not that it was a problem but after today you all just wanted to sleep. Henry moved pulling you towards the bank releasing you holding out his arms out ready to catch you as you began climbing up the bank. Once you were up and away from the edge he moved hoisting himself up.

The trip back to the base camp was fairly quiet. Henry had fallen instep beside you capturing your hand in his again making you smile as he rubbed his thumb absentmindedly over it. You grinned and swooned inside 'HOLY SHIT TODAY HAS BEEN ONE HELL OF A DAY....And oh my fuck He is holding your hand!...Like fuck me! This is insane Henry cavill-superman, Geralt Is holding your mother fucking hand after confessing he likes you in the woods.....And its not a scene THIS WAS REAL FUCKING LIFE AAAAHHHH!!...He is just- Fucking hell! This is just to surreal! And his hand is so big and warm and strong...His fingers are so fucking thick and ugh! God I wonder what they'd feel like if he was to-NO! NO THE SNEK INCIDENT WAS ENOUGH FOR ONE DAY YOU RANDY LITTLE PRAT.... Y/N DON'T YOU FUCKING GO THERE!...But gurl two finger would be the sizze of your mini rabbit...Now there was a though~...Like you had no qualms of him getting a little freaky...Or a lot you'd fucking die on the spot! UGH SHIT YOU FUCKING WENT THERE!!' You tilted your head looking at him again he gave a shy smile as he followed the others in the direction of camp. You and Henry both walked side by side fidgiting both unable to say anything. There was many things to be said but you were both to nervous...And for the first time you both sort of clicked thatthe other was nervous Henry couldn't stand it much longer so spoke up clearing his throat. "H-ahem...How'd you know about the snakes and moon gate?" you smiled quickly jumping to answer his question thankfull he had broke the silence. "Well I grew up here...Once at the set if you look across the road theres the cottage just over the field, with the blue windows? Thats my parents house." You explained  Henry nodded he had seen it when they pulled into the carpark earlier he smiled brightly. And twisted his body useing his interlocked fingers to usher you before him through the slim pating in the younger thick trees. You smiled blushing as his hand skimmed your ass face flaming. 'Did he do that on purpose? Was he trying to feel your ass and mor importantly...Did he like it? Was it to small? To big?OH MY GOD DID IT WRIGGLE AS YOU WALKED!!??' It used to be a pert little ass with all your training and shit but since you'd stopped competing it had gotten a little chubby... Youwwre pulled from your thoughts "The chocolatebox house?" He asked moving his other hand pushing some of the lower branches out of the way as to walked up the hill to the trail that you'd been on earlier. "That’s the one! Born and raised in that house" you explained eyeing him casually he rose his eyebrows looking a little shocked then let out a chuckle under his  breath. "Wow I knew you said we were going to your home but is didn't think we'd be that close, so I suppose we will be meeting your parents then? I can imagine your mummwantingnto come and visit...shes missed you"  henry moved slower not wanting this to end he wanted to drag this out because as soon as you reached the trailers youd both part ways. "Uhuh...Probably at some point she's gonna sneak over. Not today though I texted Mum that we were here late because of traffic so she said to pop by tomorrow to see her, she can't wait for a proper catch up..But dad is on a fishing trip so wont be back for a few days still he has been itching to get out on the lakes again he had to give it up over lockdown he really found it hard" henry nodded he could understand that the lockdown had been tough on everyone. "I bet he is making up for lost time...I didnt understand why they stopped fishing? I mean arnet ou normally alone and far apart do you dont tangle lines or so,thing you looked down with a grim look. "He is trying to, poor sod hasnt cuahgt anyhing in this heat" you explained with a giggle it was just his luck that when he finally got out for a few days the fish wouldn't bite, you could only imagine how irritated the man must be. "But as I was saying these are pretty much my woods in all but name...my brothers and I grew up playing in it I can navigate it with my eyes closed!" You gloated twisting swinging your intwined hands lightly he tipped his head back looking to the trees "Oh really you'll have join me and Kal on a walk sometime? Give us a tour?" You faltered then smiled shyly nodding that sounded fun. "Alright then it'd be nice...There are some hour long walks I wouldn't let Kal off though at this time of year, not with the snakes around I'd hate to see him bit" you offered out casually as you both crept up on the set lights seemingly moving slower but once you were both out of the woods you smiled shyly. Before both releasing hands slowly like a couple of  crushing school children and went your own ways. You were both clear with one another...Weren't you? 'Oh fuck! I didn't reply!? Fuck fuck what if he thought you wasn't interested? That he took your silence as refusal!! OH MY GOD NO NO NO PLEASE GOD NO!' You turned suddenly to him taking a step towards him as he walked away, swallowing curseing yourself for being so shy. Once again you'd held yourself back from what you truley wanted.No! No more, you'd over come this shit for him. He was worth the risk, worth the fear. "Henry! Wait a moment can I just?" He stopped frowning and stood still you jogged the last few steps to him body shaking like a leaf as you aproached him, he stood frim shoulder trembling with his own nerves. You finally made stood befor him gulping watching him with panicked wide eyes. Was he expecting the worse? "I er...Its probably obvious but...I sort of...Kind of...Well fuck it...Ireallylikeyouto" you muttered out your admission and with a rush of forced adrenaline you quickly surged forward darted up onto your tip toes one hand placed on his bicep the other on his chest keeping your balance and just li,ethat your lips connected with his jaw leaving a quick chaste kiss his light scruff...You were aiming for his cheek but the man was huge and your short ass only managed to place a kiss to the side of his mouth. You stood back twisting your hands back into your own top nervously, already regretting kissing the man for many reaons. One of which being now you'd had his skin below your lips you knew no one and nothing will ever compare and second...He was just standing there shocked wide eyed and a flush crept up his face before splitting into a painfully wide grin his eyes despite shocked were twinkling with an almost childish glee. You placed your hands on your own burning cheeks and quickly spun on your heels and all but ran in the opposite direction not stopping to see his face. It wasn't until you'd shut yourself in the trailer you peeked out of the porthole window on the door he had moved, was walking to his own trailer with a spring in his step...He was almost skipping.

You sat down on the floor on the trailer feet down the entrance steps holding a hand to your chest feeling therabbit li,e heart beat leesa thumping morea hum from how frantic it was pumping...It'd be justyour luck the haveaheat attack now you gulped and began laughing smoothing your hands through your hair. 'Holyfuck...I just...I just kissed him!I JUST FUCKING KISSED HIM ALMOST ON THE MOUTH!! AND AND SHIT!...Fuck thatwas just so- his scuff was amazing and and hedidnt thrlwme off him?! He let me he was happy and and...OH MY GOD OH MY GOD HE DIDNT EVEN FLINCH... AND AND I KISSED HIM!' you flopped back to lay on the cool lamented floor arms stretched wide laughing and squeeling kicking your legs on the steps you couldn't contain your fangirl! You were blown away. 'I kissed him...And he accepted it...He smiled and was fucking skipping! And he scruff on my nose and cheek UGH~ FUCK YES BEARD BURN? PLEASE DADDY!' You rolled from side to side squealing still far to excited to even think of getting up and moving. It wasn't long before yourveiw ofthe ceiling wasblurred by tiny tears. You sniffled still laughing whilst wiping away atthe tears that trickled free from your eyes, tears of relief and joy. A life time's worth of silly worries releasing when the reality settled in. You were enough for someone? Pretty enough to be liked? Good enough for someone and of all the people he liked you...Henry Cavill liked you back!...Just having someone admit that they liked you would have meant the world to you, let alone someone you looked upto and were crushing on. It was silly but you always felt there was something wrong with you to get this far in life without having a boyfreind or a lover. Fuck all your freinds were married with kids and you were just left on the shelf so to speak. You knew it was mostly due to your brothers but after they left for the armed servicees a girl couldnt help wonder why no one looked her way?...Start to question yourself, your worth. And for the first time thats what you felt worthy and dareyou say desired.

Later on Joey was in Henry's trailer watching the man pacing back and forth in a mess once again. It was deja vu. But this time Freya was here to witness the mental breakdown...Was it a break down sure the man looked worried but also ecstatic! It was a weird combination tosee. Henry was trying to explain bless him but he was cutting himself off with tonnes of mumbled what if's and maybe's. Basically the man was over thinking. "Soo...You want to tell us whats got you so frazzled or what??" He asked but Henry stopped facing the two sat at the table shook his head making one more legnth of the bus and finally stopped paceing and sliced his hands through the air. "I err ...Well...She kissed me...." Headmittd slapping his hips as he lowered his hands to his sides. Joey through his head back scoffing shaking hksheadin disbelief. "Bollocks" Henry sighed ans stopped before the smaller man arms out at his sides palms up shrugging trying to get across he was being deadly serious. "No no seriously Joey...Listen she fucking kissed me!" Henry explained ruffling his own hair as iffinding it hard to be.ive himself... "Fuck off you want me to belive our tiny shy little Tinkerbell just waltzed right up to you and snogged you?" Joey through out in to the trailer letting the words linger. Henry nodded to him then looked to Freya who had been quiet. "There must be more to it then that?" She added wanting to here the whole story behind this one. "When we were in the woods things were great! Then bad then catastrophically bad; Which I'm still confused by how that happened? But the then I clawed it back, climbed out of a hole in put myself in somehow? Still not sure how and once we got back here she kissed me! Likei waswalking back to my trailer and she just called me running uptomesaid he liked me and beforeIcould doanything she kissed me..." freya and Joeylookedateach other quietly beforesquealing and bouncing on the spot clapping each others hands a s they did so. "OH MY GOD! Henry thats great! Was it on the lips? Did you smooh back?....Oh no...No no no what's with that face? For god sake tell me you put some sugar on her and snogged her back!?" Henry sighedrubbing the backof his neck as Freyas excitement drained from her words. She slammed her hands on the tableas joey head butted it grkaning shaking his head. "Henry please pleeeaaasssee tel, me you didnt throwher off!?" He added whining pitifully tAnd rose to face the now twitching darkhaired man. Henry sucked threw his teeth and took the joy with it. "Okay right, she was fast and I wasn't expecting it and I just froze!" They both deflated groaning smoothing their hair out of their faces. "No! No no no Henry nooo you don't- you didn't do that?! Henry please tell me you didn't?!" Joey brust out throwing his hands up in theair as freya shook her head just as exasperated as Joey. Henry held up his hands as if calming a wild beast. "Hang on! Hang on I started the whole thing! Okay just bear with me okay its a long story...I tried to ask her out...It seemed perfect okay? We were there by the little stream...Just me and her okay? Lauren and Tomasz were on the six foot ledge eyeing the setting...and wewereat the moon gate shewas letting the water cool her hands and i just...It seemed perfect" Freya nodded to him it did sound perfect and romantic, she tried not to swoon.

"I...er choked , I couldnt ask her out it...My nerves got the best of me...And she got upset, she looked like she was going to cry...I didnt understand and i just- i quickly calmed her down and admitted my feelings...she didnt say anything back though...I thoughs i'd ballsed it up but then she held my hand and wouldnt let go as we came back.." they both listened carfully to henrys as he explained it took a few moments for them to really take in al, he'd said but once it clicked they looked to each other and grinned Joey spoke fisrt. "Soo? You took our dear little Tink's out into the woods with and admitted you loved her? And then walked back hand in hand?" "And then when you got back she kissed you, but you like a prat didnt kiss her back?....But seriously was it on the lips?" Freya asked leaning her face on her palm eyeing Henry with a sly grin trying to get the details to relay to Tee and Anya no doubt. "No..No it wasnt I think she was aiming for my lips but she's short...and missed but It counts! And i was there grinning like an idiot when she pulled back but what do you expect! Shes fucking gorgeous and she kissed me! I almost had a heart attack when she did it-OH MY GOD IN A GOOD WAY IN A GOOD WAY!!" Henry explained makingnthe both of them laugh. "Okay and what happened in the bad bit in the middle?" Joey pried wanting to kmow the ins and outs. "I just...I fucked up okay I fucking bottled it! I complimented her and she...She sort of freaked out...W-well not freaked o she was all like you dont need to say that Mathew's not here and then I was like I know but I really like you but I waited to long to say it...Couldnt get the right words and I think she was expecting the worst" Freya leaned forward and shook her head. Henry sat down with a huff petting Kal who'd come over to comfort him. "When I choked...I panicked and Instead of asking her out I just said I was serious the otherday" he explained to them Joey held a hand up. "Wait wait wait. What other day? what did you say the other day?" He asked confused. Ah yes, Henry hadn't mentioned what happened the otherday. Shit. "I asked about her and Mathew and sort of pointed out he liked her...Well long story short she tried laughing off the idea of me and her ever making a go of it and I sort of..Well I said why not? And she was...She was shocked when I said that I could see us getting together-that I thought we'd be a perfect couple"Henry said stuttering he yeyed Freya and Joey cautiously as they bpth gapped and him Joey dropped his hand slapping the table. "How the fuck did you miss that out!?" Joey exclaimed Freya nodded wonder just when Henry had managed to keep that quite?. The man was so excited about anythingnthat included Tink's he gushed like a schoolgirl. "Well yeah...I err it crossed my mind...It's just...She seemed open to the idea! But then today I-she seemed upset when i couldnt get my act together...do you think I fucked up not Kissing her back? Like she did see that I was happy! So everythings fine right? " Joey eyed Freya asking her to take this one she was the girl, Joey could only guess so much afterall he was a man. Freya hummed she  could see Henry was really out of it this time he was so flustered. Freya looked on as he ran a hand through his hair he was at a loss. "Well, from where I'm sitting you made it clear you liked her and she held your hand and had a wonderful walk through the forest...Which is pretty romantic~ and she kissed you admitting she liked you back so I'd call that a win Henry, so what if you didn't get an official date but a walk in the woods counts!" She said cheering him up Henry noodded slowly a bright smile creeping across his face. Freya smiled to Joey and winked. Oh yes she was good at this, her and Joey were the fucking dream team!! "I hadn't thought of it like that..It was romantic overall and we both spoke more on the way back and he nabbed another walk in the woods which could be classed as a date? If you squinted." Joey slapped henry on the back smileing like a maniac. "Thats the spirit! You go get her tiger~" he said all three chuckled for a few breaths henry bit his lip looking down then quickly turned to Freya as she began speaking. "Yeah and for the record Henry...Tink's and I were speaking in the car today and she well just...Shes worried of reading the signals wrong...The woman is in love with you we can all see it! She's just shy and doesnt know how to go about it...I'm sure she wanted to ask you out but just couldnt!" "Exatly just like Freya says you are both as bad as each other~but she must really really like you if sheovercome her own shyness to kiss you...Just try to kiss her back next time...Or even instigate it yourself girls like a man who take charge just walk up to her look her in the eyes and give her a big old smooch! "Oh in front of Mathew!" Freya spoke upand Joey hi fived her agreeing gasping to Henry who was laughing out loud already. "YES! Snog her infront of Mathew!...Or like make out! Go the whole hog" joey added making henry roar up slapping his knee imagineig Mathews face when he first kissed Tink's in frontnof him...With any luck he wont have to wait long.

After an almost full night of fangirling the next morning after breakfast you found yourself outside in the shade sat on a soft blankets. You'd all sprawled out under the large tree on the edge of the woods trying to escape the heat, it was nine in the morning and the temperature was already twenty eight degrees. You huffed waiting untill ten to coss over to see your mum. Anya ,Freya and Joey all laid around on the blankets relaxing on your phones or in your case reading the new scripts you were handed this morning.The silence was broken by a high whine and Joey flopped back and huffed. "Its so fucking muggy! I feel gross already!" He cried out you all nodded grumbling but then after a few moments you spoke up. "Its not to bad today" you added eyeing Joey who scoffed and rolled his eyes. "Well its alright for some! you can go home and have a proper shower!" Anya nodded groaning along with Freya muttering somthing along the lines of a decent shower with proper water pressure. You could relate washing hair in these fucking trailer showers were a pain you thought yourself lucky to have short hair, fuck rinsing the long locks the girls had. "Look I'm just gonna pop to mums now...If you want to borrow the shower I don't think she'll mind Joey" you offered up, Joey rolled over to his front eyeing you cautiously as you unlocked your phone checking the time nine thirty five, she wouldn't mind if you went over early would she? You didnt think so...Not if you brought Joey, she loves Jaskier! "Really? She'd let me do that?" He asked grabbing the attention of everyone. You shrugged to him standing brushing yourself off. "Well yeah can't think of a reason she wouldn't,between me and you when she watched the first season she had a little soft spot for you so I'm sure if you asked nicely she would do anything for you she thinks your super sweet and adorable...She may demand a hug though" Joey got up locking his phone. "Really what about me?" You jumped and did a ridiculous side step as Henry crept up behind you out of nowhere. You flushed a bright red and giggled nervously...He smiled waitin for his answer and you swallowed quickly scrabbling for words..Preferably english and somehing that makes sense. "I-i  Err well she erm..She feels the same as the rest of the witcher fandom does" whew! 'Good girl you pulled thag out of your ass...Were things gonna be akward between you?.. it didnt feel akward... did it? Maybe no-No it wanst you were just skittish is all!' Henry shifted on his feet crossingnhis arms overnhis chest raisingnhis brow. Damn his beautiful biceps drawingnyou in like a moth to a flame. Your mouth became dry despite wantjngnto drool over him. He was dressed in his costume going fpr an small shoot nothing much just some horse whispeing scenes. "Oh?~ And whats that then?" You could have cursed him, didnt he know how hot he looked? How was you supposed to fucking concentrate when he was out here like a fucking witcher sized lickable snack...Damn you were thirsty more so now that you'd gotten away with kissing him last night. The temptation was just to great.'Be cool be cool be fucking cool!!! Nothing has changed, he is still the amazingly handsome fuckable snack he has always been....and He is your friendly neighborhood crush?? WHO FUCKING LIKES YOU BACK OH MY GOD?!?! HE ISN'T AVOIDING YOU!! YES YES YES GO GIRL WOOO YOU DIDNT FUCK UP!! THINGS WERE OKAY...Right now tone it down and answer the man- calmly like normal be cooool don't think about the kiss...The kiss that you stole...That was definetly the hottest kiss of your life and he didn't even do anything, god his skin was so hot and rugged and NO!...Right right cool as a cucumber-NOPE no long cylindrical objects today thank you very much!!...Well...Maybe later...Never say never~' Henry's lip twitched he could see you were stuck in your own thoughts probably godsmacked he was acting so casually, if only you knew he was loosing his shit inside quivering with the fear of things being awkward....But they didnt seem to be ad for that he was thankful. "Well she thinks th-that Geralt...Needs a good slap for how you treated muggin's here..." you said finally managing a fw breaths to in what you hoped helped you manage an even tone nodding to Joey. He looked away biting the inside of his lip growling softly clenching his fists. "..Fuck." he growled looking mildly concerned, you wiped your sweaty palms on your shorts taking his distraction as a moment to calm yourself and even your breathing you quickly spoke to Joey. "Joey go get your stuff quick and we can go visit mum" he nodded and left in the direction of his trailer. You eye'd henry and he seemed worried? Like he it was important to him that your mum liked him. You placed a hand on his tense bicep squeezing quickly. He looked to you golden eyes lighting up and he place his palm over yours in an attempte to keep it there. You flushed when he stepped forward casually letting your bodies lightly graze one another. You looked to Freya and Anya who were no help watching from the sidelines giggling between themselves, the words cute and adorable being thrown around. "I-if it's any constilation...She loved you as Superman...And man from uncle, she didn't want to watch it with me at first because she didn't like the tv series but in the end she was over the moon and got it on dvd that day incase Netflix ever deleted it...So I'm sure if you wanted a shower she'd let you" He quickly perked up standing taller squeezing your fingers lightly and sighing relaxing the worry on his face melted away. "So she does like me?! Oh good god thats a relief!" you didn't really understand why he'd got upset...It was almost as if he wanted to have impressed her. He looked over your head seein Joey return a small wash bag, towel and a bundle of folded clothes to change into. Henry patted your hand and released you letting you take a step back. "Well I will let you go, tell your mother I'm sorry I couldn't meet her today but I look forward to it soon..I best get back before they send a search party" you smiled cheekily, the look caught him off guard but he tilted his head ready to listen to what ever little comment you were about to make. "Yes Geralt You mustn't keep your little pony waitng~" you stated giggling as he rolled his eyes sighing as everyone laughed. He pointed at you as he walked back wards. "I'm warning you~ one of these days girl~" you thighs clentched and you almost whined. 'Fuck why was that so sexy?...Oh god why is he still teasing you? Is it worse today? It felt worse already!...I wonder if he'd call me that again if I asked...Like Henry that made me wet say it again!...Dont think about girl in the bedroom...dont ou-ah fuck he would definitely call you Iittle girl...and fuck me if he does I'm gonna fucking drench through like omg daddy pu-lease~"  you swear sometimes his whole misson in life is to fucking ruin your undewear and make you squee! You squinted at him as he smirked oh her thought he was getting away with it? Not today! "Oh I'm so scared Big boy, what you gonna do ask your little pony to run me over?" The others oooed as you stepped up for the first time playfully snapping back as the man. Henry faltered tiltjn his head slowly  in what could only be seen as 'Oh?...what was this? Tink's is trying to play?' He grinned devilishy and spoke loud and clear hands on his hips. Your body ceased and you rubbed tyour thighs together subtly as Henry stood tall and  began making more of an anouncement then a bit of banter. "Boy?! why you little?-Just you wait Tinks one day I'll show how much of a big boy I truly am, then you'll be singing a different tune I guarantee it~" he called out you gapped at him shrinking and flushing your tummy clentched and body shuddered as his shouted words carried across the open space of the car park. So much so that even the passing crew had looked over and had a chuckle 'Oh fuck me!? He had to go there HE JUST HAD TO DO IT!! He fucking went there sexy kissable lickable mother fucker...And thats a record-knickers destroyed before brunch...He is getting more efficient WHAT A DICK!.....yes what a dick indded~ How do I even respond to that?...There is no response to I'm gonna fuck you up with my MASSIVE DONG and mad you Sing...It not much of a threat either~FUCK NO DONT THINK ABOUT IT-BUT FUCK YES YOUD LOVE THE CHANCE, RIDE OR DIE BABY! WOO!' You flushed and growled trying to contain your embarrassment but there was no where you could put you face you just had to let this one go you bit your lip and turned away from him as he winked and turned back around...He knew he had won.

Henry 1 Tinks 0 Once Henry was out of sight the others stopped laughing and Anya spoke up first thankfully letting the whole Henry threatening to fuck you silly blow over. unlike Joey who was nudging and winking at you as if you say 'Get in there girl! You go get yourself some lovin~' you slapped at Joey's stomach and pointed at him making him wriggle his brows as Anya spoke. "So what about me? Think I could wrangle a shower?" You opened your mouth to speak but Freya quicklly pitched in. "Yeah me too!" You smiled at Freya and Anya and nodded to them both who grinned wide thankfull that they could finally have a real shower. "Of course you can we have two so one of you might have to wait but I'm sure she'll feed you in the mean time...Go get your stuff..." you all jumped when Joey through his head back with a victory cry! "Feed me? I'm getting a shower and food!? Oh my god your mother sounds like a saint!" He said sounding genuinely excited to get to your house.

It was no longer then ten mineuts before you had all crossed the field and entered the back garden passing the well manicured garden and veggie patch to the kitchen door. You didn't bother to knock instead walked right into the medium sized cottage kitchen. You ushered the other three in through the door and called out for your mum. "Mum!? I'm home!" You heard some mpvement and claws scratchingnon the floor the excited yippjng of Nemi your jums dachsund you crouched and opened your ar,s catching her as she flung herself at you wriggling and crying "Hey there Nemi baby~ oh my love? Look at you you little chunky pudding? how ae you sweety? Such a good girl~" you cuddled her and then placed her back down "Go! go find mummy got get her baby~" true to form she raced off into the house barking he head off. You smoled to the others seeing they had been cooingmover the small dog. Then your mum came through the door and swallowed you up in a hug. "Oh gosh y/n sweety!! Come here let me look at you?!" You flushed as she held you at arms lenght before reaching forward again squishing you tightly to herself. You winced at how tight she held you and tried wrigglin free. "Mum whoa okay...wow I missed you to hey come here let me introduce you...This is Joey, Anya and Freya, Sadly Henry had to go over a few shots and couldnt make it, he feels bad and said he cant wait to meet you" you mum quickly gave them each a hug..Joeys lasting a little longer then the girls, she was biased and couldn't help it. She pulled back and crossed to the kettle ready to make some tea. "Henry?" She called over her shoulder you sighed, you'd tried bot to gush ablut him to much...but she should knlw who he is by now..Especially since youd been crushing on him since forever! "Oh fuck Geralt he plays Geralt mum...The white haired one" she smiled wide nodding finally placing the character. "Oh now I gotcha well im sure I will see him soon. Anyway Its nice to meet all of you~ y/n has told me all about you!" She said you could see she was excited about having these famous people in her house and you couldnt blame her, you were to when you first met them all. It was sweet seeing her all giddy. "Good things we hope mrs l/n" Freya spoke up politely and your mum waved her off rolling her eyes as the young woman. "Oh god none of that call me Terry...Gosh you must be famished! That long trip down here nothing but nasty greasy take away food, and I doubt you ate well last night here sit I will whip somthing up!" She said getting ready to race arou d the kitchen and make some snacks. You stopped her before she became to hurricane you knew and loved. "Actually mum they were hopeing for a shower" you said and all three nodded sheepidhly each adding ther own pleases and 'if its not to much trouble' you mum widened her eyes and nodded. "Oh of course of course, how silly of me! I dread to think what those trailers are like! But ladies first in this house I'm afraid young man" Joey held up his hands and smiled. "That's no problem Terry I can wait" your mum smiled and quickly ushered him to sit down at the table and then started rustling through the cupboards for some biscuits. "Right well he looks safley occupide so we should be safe to leave him you guys follow me we have a bathroom upstairs and down" you said leading them through the kitchen to the hall.

It was ten mineuts later you found your mum in the living room watching Joey munching on a toastie haveing the time of his life with three tiny dachsund puppies? "Oh my god! mum? you didn't tell me Nemi had pups?!" You admonished quickly kneeling down to the floor cooing at them Joey smiled rolling the ball to you and they dutifully chased it yipping the whole time pouncing at one another. "Yes well it wasn't really planned... Harriots boy got her...He was only nine months old so we didn't think nothing of it....Then she got fat and here we are five pups" you stopped looking to her seriously placing a hand to catch the lighter of the three as they climbed up making a rather loud noise begging for attention. "Five but theres only three...Did the others you know?" You quickly glanced down to the pup in your lap tickling its tummy placating them. "Oh goodness no they have gone to their forever homes! The black female is a surprize and we are holding her here untill the little girls birthday at the end of the week and the males family are organizing travel from devon neither can drive they should be collecting him next week if not Euan said he will drop him off they seem like a nice couple recently retired and want a little pup to love and spoil" you smiled feeling better as your mum explained things, atleast they were all going to loving homes. "Aww their so sweet I wish I'd been here to see them born I bet they were so tiny~ is that a dapple?" You were interrupted by a squeal and turned seeing Freya standing at the door fresh in set of clothes looking relaxed. "Holy fuck puppies! Come come! Gimme! Come to aunty Freya! Oh look at that little pudding~ yes awoo to you to baby!" You laughed as Freya moved faster then you'd ever seen her move batting Joey away. "I left it on for you Joey go go! And I will take that!" She said snatching the black and tan pup from Joey and sitting down on the floor cooing and playing with the tiny dog.Your mum got up quickly heading to the kitchen and returned with two plates. "Yes shes a beauty isn't she?" You looked to the dog and smiled agreeing with your mum as she nodded to the colorful dapple puppy in your hands, she definitely was a pale beige grey with a mix of bright coffee and dark grey splotches. You rolled her over to her back tickling her chin and she quickly arched up closing her eyes enjoying the pamper. She would be a spoiled little madam that much was certain~ "I had her throughly checked out at the vets, apparently dapple's are more prone to problems but she is perfectly healthy and called a black tan brindle dapple...Cute huh?...Here you go dear eat up!" You watched as your mum handed Freya a plate with a toastie on it. "Its sweet, cherry pie filling" Freya smiled thanking her and quickly began nibbling it whilst playing with the pups who now licked at the sugar on her fingers. You leaned over the tiny dapple giggleing blowing a little puff of air on her tummy making her jump tilting her face at you yipping playfully trying to bite and paw at your hair. "She really is beautiful and her eyes their so blue...So gorgeous and cute~ get a decent amount for her I suppose" you moved to put her down sighing wishing you'd been here a litter of puppies must have been fun right? Playing with puppies all day? Why couldn't she have had pups in lockdown? "I would but...No shes a gift" your mum sighed watching as the small pup tried to wrangle your attention again. "Oh Really? Like for the fathers family?" Your mother smiled softly and leaned down scopping up the tiny pup, and she was tiny smaller then the other two she was the size of your mums cupped hands, the tiny girl whined softly then was quickly placed back in your lap. You cooed at her again making her jump up trying to give you kisses wriggling her little butt wagging her tail. You giggled leaning down to her as she yipped again then began nipping your nose. Your mum moved in kissing your head. "Happy late birthday sweet heart" you froze looking at her you could hear Freya gasp watching from the other side of the rug. "What? You can't be serious? Mum you can't give me a puppy" you asked but cuddled the tiny pup to your chest wanting to keep her so bad. But you couldn't accept...Could you? I mean Henry had Kal on set so? Doesn't that mean you can have a puppy in your trailer? "Oh I am...You looked after your father and I during that whole lockdown shitshow, sheilding just as carefully as us so you could take him to chemotherapy and do all our shopping and prescriptions...We missed your birthday so we decided this is our thanks...We know she's in good hands and you'll take good care of her...Besides now that your a big time actress you'll need a companion for on the road. Like your friend's doggy cow was it?" You laughed wiping at your eyes tears welling just overwhelmed with the idea of getting to keep the tiny dog. You shook your head at her believing kal was called cow. "Kal mum k-a-l you know...Like superman?" You mum clapped her hands and laughed out loud. "My god that makes more sense! I thought it was cow...Like you know 'Moo'...Your father and I couldn't figure it out~ Any way your puppy is eleven weeks old and vaccinated chipped-all using your details... We got her a bed and collar lead food ect for you to take so once you set off for london you can take her with you! Shes why we didn't tell you about Nemi it was a surprize" you looked down at your new puppy who was howling her little head off throwing a fit over the fact you stopped paying her attention you grinned at her and moved down kissing her little head , she jumped up pawing at your hair pulling and mouthing on it. "Oh I must warn you shes a bit of a singer...Needs to be center of attention and if she isnt she'll let you know about it!" You giggled she reminded you of Joey you smiled holding her up. Freya snorted "Now who does that sound like?~" Freya snorted and you chuckled "Who does what sound like?" You all looked up seeing Anya enter the room and smiled Freya was quick to hold up a puppy "Anya look! Puppies!" Anya grinned and quickly sat down taking one off Freya petting it cooing softly. "Oh my look how cute they are!? They are so tiny~ I need one to snuggle daily!" Freya smiled and nodded to you who was still quite emotional trying to think of a name for your cradled pup. "Well your in luck Terry gave that one to Tinks so we're gonna have one onset! For real to steal and snuggle" Anya smiled so that was what had you choked up. They watched as you looked up a grin on your face and held up your yapping puppy. "Anya here you go a cherry pie toastie~" you mum called out handing the second plate to her, she smiled greatfully and bagen eating face lighting up at the taste. Both women watched as you held your new found baby coddling her and playing completely awe inspired by the size of her. "Joey...Shes my baby joey! My little Jojoba~ my very own bard yesh you are oh thats right! Mummys gonna spoil you rotten yes I am my baby little sausage!" Your mum lifted a small blanket as Freya and Anya laughed out loud moving to put the two dogs back into the playpen still eating their snacks.Poor Joey. He was going to love this.

"Go go show her off but remember she cant go on the floor yet...Not that I imagine your going to put her down" you smiled and turned facing the door and bumped into Joey you grinned at him and held her up to his face as she started 'singing' as she wasn't being snuggled correctly. "Joey meet Joey! The best little singer in town" Joey stuttered and moved to pet the small pup then tilted around her looking at you shocked only just relising what youd said. "What the-is that one yours?" You smiled at him nodding proudly and pulled he rto your chest letting her snuggle in you your boobs rubbing her chin. "Uhuh! Mum gave me one! My Joey!" He smirked watching you fawn over her and chuckled. "Aw he's so cute....Right thats it I accept Tinks we now have a son! Its official I shall teach him-" you snorted and interrupted his dramatic announcement. "Her" he faltered and frowned tilting his head. "What?" he asked not sure he heard you correctly. "She's a girl Joey" you giggled and he shook his head baffled looking between you and the dog. "Then you cant call it Joey...Its a boys name....Call her Josie or Joyce" he offered alternatives which made you cackle this was pay back for the whole tumblr thing...And every other time he's embarrassed you and Henry...Oh yes revenge was sweet~ "Her name is Joey and thats final, you should be happy listen she makes a lot of noise, she sings just like her uncle Joey~ don't you like her singing?" You teased holding he out to him again making him wince at how high pitch the sound was you could hear Anya and Freya laughing at him from behind. "Shes got a set of lungs on her I'll give her that much" he said still wincing and patter her head in a hopes of shutting her up. "Well I think she had a perfect singing voice~ See shes singing for her mummy...Arent you princess oh come here my baby~" you said cradling her again completely in love with her already. "Well she is cute...When she isn't making all that racket" Anya scoffed trying to bite back a laugh and Freya smirked saying outloud what you were all thinking. "pfft could say the same for you...Definitely Joey" you all walked past him making your way outside. Your mum had conveniently packed Joeys puppy pack in a small box for Anya to carry and a slamm princess bed was tucked under Freyas arm...she stopped by Joey and thrust it into his arms. "Come on then you time to earn your keep~" he stuttered but sighed as he soon found himself lugging the box Anya was carrying to. "Joey~" you called trying to get her used to her name as you walked across the field. "Yes Tinks" Anya and Freya shared a look then bellowed a laugh and so it begins. Joey sighed but smiled secretly excited to have a little pup about he was definitely gonna steal her for cuddles.

[purplesurveys]

1324

survey by roxy-ryan

Where are you from? The Philippines.

What do you do for a living? I help handle PR for some brands.

Do you enjoy your job/study? I do. I love it a lot and am happy to have landed somewhere I genuinely wanted to be in. My only worry about it is the threat of my creativity getting all dried up when I already have so little to begin with.

What is something you have always wanted to get into (job/study) In another universe I would have been a historian or museum curator; those jobs just aren’t the most sustainable or get a lot of support where I’m from, so I had to stick with something practical.

Planning on travelling anywhere in the next year? Yeah, I wanna travel to Korea. If not there, I’d love to go another part of the country that would require me to go by plane, because so far I’ve only traveled out of town via car.

How has COVID impacted you the last few years? Well my family definitely got affected financially, especially since my parents work in the hospitality industry (which went virtually nonexistent for most of the pandemic). We never went hungry or anything, but we did have to sell a car so we can continue paying for other more pressing priorities; and our expenses got limited to the bare necessities - groceries, water, electricity. Fortunately they’re both back in work, but as far as I know they’re still playing catch-up with a bunch of bills we weren’t able to pay last year so I think we’ll have to wait a bit more until we can spend for luxuries again.

Do you have a favourite animal? Dogs and elephants.

What artist or band would you consider a favourite? BTS, Paramore, and Beyoncé.

Do you create playlists? I do, on my Spotify.

Are you a fan of nature and wildlife? I’m not super obsessed, but I will spend some time in nature and check out wildlife if given the chance.

Do you have any pets? I have two dogs, yes.

Did you ever own sea monkeys? I had to look those up because I had no idea what they were...anyway, no.

Given the choice would you spend $50 or save it? Save it, but more specifically I’d put it in my get-Robyn-to-Korea fund haha.

Do you work hard achieve your personal set goals? Sure.

One place you would like to travel in the future? That I haven’t been to yet? Probably Morocco or Malta.

Japan or Korea? (Travel)

China or Switzerland? (Travel)

New Zealand or Australia? (Travel)

Canada or The United States? (Travel)

Paris or Italy? (Travel)

Greece or New Caledonia? (Travel)

Hawaii or Bali? (Travel)

Ever been on a cruise ship? Yup.

Would you prefer to read a book or watch a movie? Watch a movie. I do wanna get back on reading, though; I’ve gathered a few recos from other people that I genuinely want to check out.

You're handed a paintbrush, Paints and Canvas as well as gardening kit, which do you choose? I’d paint in a heartbeat. I’m not very good, but at least I can feel free doing it. I don’t have a green thumb at all.

Have a best friend? Yep.

Do you like Theme Parks? I mean yeah, if there were a lot of food stalls. I wouldn’t get on the rides though.

Do you like Water Parks? No, I find them pretty gross.

Someone famous you'd like to meet? Hayley Williams and just viiiiiiiiiibe.

Soda or Juice? Wouldn’t normally order either of these but I’d go with juice just because I hate carbonated beverages.

Wildest thing that's happened to you recently? The quest of hiding my vaping vice is over cos my mom found a box of vape pods on me. But what surprised me is she didn’t stomp her way to my room and start yelling...she actually honestly seems to be ok with it. She never even confronted me. I shared this with Angela and she said I must finally be a big girl now hahaha; she’s not wrong!

Do you use Instagram? Yeah.

Do you use Tumblr? Yes, this was posted on a Tumblr.

Do you use Snapchat? Not since like 2017.

Do you use Tiktok? I only go through my feed occasionally, but I always come across TikToks either on my other social media feeds, or through my friends.

Favourite thing about nature? That they’re pure.

Do you exercise often? Not at all.

Do you have a bucketlist? No, keeping one stresses me out because it makes me feel like I have to accomplish everything in the shortest amount of time.

Thoughts on the Covid vaccine? Grateful that they exist.

You're offered a job as a bartender, do you take it? Not immediately. I’d be open to take lessons to be better at it, though.

Favourite chocolate bar? It’s not a bar but I love Reese’s Peanut Butter Cups.

Do you drink enough water daily? It varies. Sometimes I drink a lot, sometimes I completely neglect myself and realize I hadn’t drunk anything all day only by like 9 PM. 

Anything to add? Nopes.

[wingingitonwheels]

Crossroads

You are only one decision away from a totally different life…

In 2021, I took a leap of faith. I had a job with a brilliant employer, but for some time, I’d been looking to grow into a role that didn’t materialise. I could have cruised on in my comfortable slippers, and most likely would have. Out of the blue, as things can be, I was approached about a role that seemed to tick a lot of boxes, but came with calculated risk as any new position and company might. I accepted the risk, put on my trainers and started running. At the back of my mind, I knew if it didn’t work out, it would be ok. I was prepared to work hard, and try to be an employer pleaser. In only one month of employment, there followed a series of unpredictable and unfortunate events. I very quickly felt that work had taken over every aspect of me; I did what I could to manage the situation, but after a lot of heartache, and only 2 months in, I resigned.

The decision was a frightening one. I was doing a great job, despite the challenges, but the situation challenged my whole being. It is probably a common story for people. I was blessed with a good salary, I’d been welcomed with open arms and my colleagues were extraordinarily dedicated. For them, time didn’t exist, it would seem. Anytime, any place, anywhere. Maybe this was their mountain and their calling. I got to know some of them relatively well for what was such a short time. The fear came not from failure, but more from “what next?” Whilst I’d reconciled the risk before I took the position, I didn’t foresee how desperate I’d feel and so soon.

Whilst you’d never think reflecting on the demise of a parent could end in anything positive, but in the following year to that resignation, I’d be 10 years younger than my mum was when she died, suddenly, and sadly, as in her last weeks, she’d made a very clear resolution to sort her life out and shared this with me. I was so proud of her. She was an alcoholic since I could remember. She had to change or it would kill her. It was that simple. And she finally committed and three weeks later, she died. When she passed, she was 10 years older than I am now. With this perspective, if you knew, what would you do and when? Would you wait or seize the day? At my age, everything is becoming fragile. I’m amazed I can still keep going.

The resignation came first and for a short while, relief, then wilderness…how would I keep going for the three month notice I had to work, and what next? Chase a career? Pick up my massage business?

It was Mark who told me to plan an adventure. COVID or not. Whatever I did, he’d be there when I got back. There would never be a more perfect opportunity, he said. He’d look after Nyla but if I didn’t come home, he’d not be too happy. If I was being flippant, I’d say he needed a break from my relentless dramatics. Maybe that’s true, but from what I know, he wanted me to have the same opportunities that he had in the army before he settled down. Having got a dog, had my amazing children, a well established mortgage, everything on interest free credit, a car, countless bills, and next to no savings, how on earth could I make this work? I couldn’t afford 6 months off…And then, what about him? Forget any risk of me dying and not coming home, how could he let me go?

There it was. October, the first iteration of international flights and tickets were booked. I hadn’t yet figured out the finances. The house was sold and I planned to use some equity to fund the trip. That fell through 4 weeks before I was due to depart. It was time to get smart.

Sold my car, time trial bike, countless bike possessions, paid off some credit, changed some aspects of the mortgage and boom! Reduced my expenditure by two thirds. It wasn’t going to give me a free 6 month ticket, but I had untangled myself from all the things that would hold me in full time employment, even if only for a while, and allow me to throw all the life balls up in the air and see what lands. This was more liberating than handing in my notice. I never really thought this day would come. But here it is: sat in El Chalten, looking at the most incredible mountain view I have ever had the privilege of witnessing, considering my next career as a mountaineer, batting back every barrier that comes my way. Knee - smash, COVID - try to stop me. Dentist butcher: how much were you paid to take me down? You failed. And ****, money: pah! The dogs on the streets over here look pretty happy despite their lack of a home and a grooming routine. They never look in a mirror. They just are. So here’s to the dogs, Mark, freedom, frivolity, adventure and dreams.

Before I left, I completed my first ever official will, and sorted out some life insurance. Everything’s gonna be ok! 🤩.

The rides

Tuesday

I spent the night in my little house again, buffeted by the winds, not feeling entirely sure that the house wouldn’t get blown away like Dorothy’s home in the Wizard of Oz. I again prayed to the bike gods of a tailwind for the day…or whatever I could get. They delivered for 2/3 of the route, which any cycling nut will know is as good as it gets. I’d prepared myself for the worst. There was not a single dwelling for 125km as I entered my first ever desert, Patagonia. I’d anticipated the same insane wind bashing as my ride to the glacier the day before, and for a while, it certainly happened. But each time the road edged right, a little reprieve. I tried taking a photo on the Rio Santa Cruz Bridge but couldn’t even hold my phone steady. It was comical. I believed it to be possible that my bike would blow off the bridge and into the river, but I tried.

About two km later, I felt like a female David Attenborough on wheels. Some 4 legged creature that might have been a llama - perhaps an impala? I still haven’t researched it. 1 Km later…a road runner - and her babies???? I thought I’d entered the South American Serengeti. Whilst I never stopped being flabbergasted by the extreme epicness of the desert, I expected soon to see all characters from the Lion King. Disappointingly, the remainder of the desert saw 13 wild horses and a collection of sun-dried carcasses who didn’t quite make it over the fence that was designed to protect them. Despite these disappointing observations, every encouraging horn beep put me on cloud. This for me was heaven on a place called Earth.

I arrived at Tres Lagos trying to break my ten mile time trial personal best, regardless of baggage and winds. I’d forgotten that I’d changed my bike computer to miles per hour. 29. Not bad. OMG! 29 miles per hour on the flat. 31! I smashed it into my destination spot for the day! Whatever happened next, who cared? My first, planned and followed route complete. Tres Lagos, you little town with no restaurants and only dogs for company, I’ve arrived 💪.

I’m stopping now, as Alejandro has just started serenading us all in the bar where I’m scribing. Wow. How I miss Jess and George! 🥰

[imgoodloveenjoy]

What down, joe?

So I finally got around to watching the episode of ChicagoMed that we all missed due to those idiots at the Capitol. SMH but here we go into the MESS & my feelings lol

April

What does April want? That’s the name of her arc cause she needs to figure it out. I do feel her on wanting to stay in the COVID ward because it gives her a sense of purpose but her acting as though Ethan “took” that from her is ridiculous: 1. She never let Ethan know that she felt that way, maybe that would’ve swayed his decision a bit and 2. She’s been a nurse for what I’m assuming is years, she knows that nurses rotate positions in hospitals so her being rotated out to the ED shouldn’t have been such a blow- its almost like she expected special treatment & took it personally that she didn’t get that and was expected to rotate out like all the other nurses. In and regards to Ethan, she needs to figure out what she wants from him; it feels like she’s on the fence about resuming a romantic relationship, and that’s fine, but she also acts as though he should be doing things for her because of implied lingering romantic feelings- feels like she’s using him a bit and he’s being a doormat about it.

I’ve noticed that she’s moving as though Ethan should be a mind reader and know what she’s thinking and feeling for a while. When she discovered that she was having fertility issues, she lashed out at him without telling him about it so then he was stuck on stupid thinking they were still on the same page about having a baby. When she was feeling like there wasn’t any romance in their relationship since starting IVF, she took that out on him without telling him how she felt. When she felt like she found her purpose in the COVID ward, she didn’t say anything to Ethan, just gave him attitude. Girl, he’s not a psychic, tell him what you’re feeling! I do feel like the storyline of her getting involved in the Will’s new crusade with the trail medicine is a way for them both to undermine Ethan, his new elevated position and the new hierarchy in the ED – neither of them respects him as a peer or senior at this point.

I would love for April to have something else to focus on. I know that the writers have talked about her re-assessing how she’s maneuvering as a caregiver & I think that’s great! I feel like she can receive more responsibility, like a sort of promotion (idk what that means to nurses), and has to work through the struggle of those new responsibilities (without Ethan trying to save her) and become a more confident & capable nurse. I do think eventually she has to sit with herself and assess her personal life: does she still want Ethan? If not, she has to sit down and discuss that with him, set some boundaries; I think she needs better communication with him in general but this would be a good place to start.

Us: “April, tell us what you want. Make a choice.”

April:

William

Will absolutely demonstrated why he isn’t the Chief ED in this episode but one thing that really irks me about this character is that he does thing so totally left field and reckless, but the writers always manage to redeem him in the end, and it moves along as though he was always right. I’m waiting for the day the writers let Will really feel the consequences of his actions; he really needs to sit and think about why he rushes into situations the way he does. And why the hell did Maggie apologize to him? She should’ve questioned Will about how she felt he was being blind to his crusade; his patient’s daughter specifically told hm what type of treatment she wanted for her father and he ignored that…GIRL! Let that have been Ethan or Natalie LOL. And every time he does something like this he comes out smelling like roses…I’m tired of it.

I also feel like Will is acting more impulsive because he still is upset about the Chief position and doesn’t want to accept Ethan and the new hierarchy of the ED. Its like him being a part of this clinical trail give him the authority position that he wanted in the ED but didn’t get, not really about him being really interested in the trails. It’s giving me “I don’t respect Ethan” vibes & I would appreciate it if he just said that.

Ethan

Ok so I feel like with this episode, Ethan did really leave April alone except for things that were related to work and that’s what I want for him moving forward until she figures out what she wants: keep it professional. But I don’t like how he’s handling April with kid gloves; I get that he still loves her, it’s evident, but he needs to show her that he won’t be a push over for her, that she can’t use their connection to get her way & then give him attitude when he does his job as Chief of ED.

There is such a wedge in Chexton that it doesn’t even seem worth it anymore and the writers said that Noah is going to cause even more problems, at this point, but my ship in the harbor and let us disembark. I love Chexton but this is ridiculous, they have these characters walking around not communicating with each other like children even though I’m sure these characters are pushing 40!

I would like for Ethan to continue his mentor-mentee relationship with Charles; I feel like that will help Ethan determine the type of Chief he wants to be and how he wants to run his ED. He also needs to make it clear that no one will be getting special treatment (April and Noah) and try to establish communication, trust, collaboration, and accountability (Will) in the ED. For Ethan, getting used to this new role is his drama, he doesn’t need the extra mess with his love life at the moment; it would be good to see him grow in a way that sticks from being Chief of ED. Also free Ethan from the shackles of April, please LOL.

Mancel

I’m kinda on this ship LOL. IDK what it is about these two but I kinda like it…I think it’s the fact that Marcel can be vulnerable to Natalie and she gives him the space to do so without judgment. Natalie confronting Marcel about his one-night stands and then just leaning herself onto his back, then his face being so content just made me swoon a bit, I can totally understand Natalie’s attraction to him with this new attitude. I know that his ex-wife will be making an appearance that will surely shake things up with them but it can be a moment for Marcel to determine if he wants to pursue a relationship with Nat or continue being a committed bachelor. The direction the writers are taking with Mancel is the only good thing they’re doing IMO; it’s giving me an insight to Marcel’s pathology – he feels like a person who runs when the going gets tough cause he doesn’t want to be vulnerable but his attraction to Nat and the type of person she is will make him want to stay and work through the hard stuff.

The Writers

I am TIRED of y’all. TIRED. I’m so done with the way the writers make characters regress to build up other characters/relationships. They had Manstead going but then as Chexton took off, Manstead crashed and burned. Chexton was cruising along, now they’re floundering as Mancel is taking off. What is going on? Can no one focus on more than one relationship at a time? And why are the characters going through the same development that they went through in past seasons (Ethan, Will). Like they went through that, their characters were better then all of a sudden, its back to square one and then on top of that, no one is communicating with each other, just getting upset in their feelings. You know y’all don’t have to do that, right? There are ways of challenging characters beyond regressing them and focusing on their love life screw ups. Do y’all need a more diverse writing room? Some new people to bring in fresh ideas? What is it? What do y’all need to keep this show from being too predictable and unnecessarily messy? It’s like they don’t realize that the characters and viewers of the show aren’t teenagers, we’re grown ass adults so petty relationship drama isn’t going to satisfy us. I would give them more free game but they’re gonna have to pay me LOL.

Me to the writers:

So i guess that’s all until next episode of ChicagoWhatTheFuckAreTheyDoingOverThereMed Z.

[lokiondisneyplus]

Prior to the pandemic, Frank Patterson would spend most days at the sprawling production facility, formerly known as Pinewood Atlanta Studios, that he runs outside of Atlanta. Then COVID-19 hit, and not even he was able to make his health and safety team's cut of essential on-site personnel.

"They were like, 'Frank, why are you here? You're setting a bad example,' " says the president and CEO of what is now Trilith Studios, the in-demand filming location known for hosting a suite of Marvel projects, including WandaVision and Avengers: Endgame.

Since Patterson took the reins in 2016, he's transformed the place from a set of soundstages to a full-fledged film community. After divesting from the Pinewood Group, Patterson led investments in new technologies and content companies, as well as expanded Trilith's footprint. The result is a 935-acre master development that includes the studio as well as a European-inspired town including homes, restaurants and schools that serve as a live-work community for the many creatives on the lot.

In a wide-ranging conversation, Patterson, 59, opened up about the most challenging aspect of COVID-era production, the studio's biggest concerns and whether he'll mandate vaccines.

You've had multiple projects in production during COVID-19. How has it been going?

We've been very fortunate. We had the first studio feature in the industry back to work in June. I can't say what it is, but they'll be finished soon. It was an intense amount of research and work to put together protocols, recognizing that the disaster version looks like an outbreak. None of that's happened. We've had enormously low numbers of positive tests. And we have a full lot: 3,200 people drove on today.

How much more expensive is it to make a film or show right now?

It's costing about 20 percent more money and 20 percent more time. Things are slower and clunkier and it's taking more space. But the good news is cast and crew are taking safety very seriously. I'm sure you heard the story of Tom Cruise getting upset at the crew for not following protocols [on Mission: Impossible 7]. I don't think that's common. What we have found is with the exception of the day player — they tend to test positive more than the average crewmember — people are taking care of themselves.

A year in, how do you feel you did with the COVID-19 protocols?

They're pretty routine now. We're not just making stuff up like we were in the very beginning.

Which of those do you expect to remain post-pandemic?

The washing hands and standing apart, that's how we keep from spreading these diseases and how we need to work. There's a heightened awareness for cleanliness. People used to drag themselves to work miserably sick because if you missed work, you were letting your team down. Well, that's changed. If you show up and you're sick, they're like, "Get out of here." That'll go forward.

Fellow Georgian Tyler Perry said when he was shooting his shows last summer, there was an elderly actress who didn’t feel comfortable coming on set given the risk, so they had to write her out of the scripts. Have you heard of anything like that happening on any of your productions?

Not leaving a show, but changing of schedules to accommodate people's tolerance for coming back to work. There's an, "OK, let's not shoot this right now because this actor is not quite ready to come back to work." They're pivoting and shooting other stuff first and coming back. That's happening across all the productions.

What are the biggest concerns that you hear from the studios now?

Everyone's overwhelmed with the need to get stuff made, but we aren't returning to the speed that we had and we're spending more dollars per frame captured in just the pure production. And it's not like people don't care because you always care when you're spending more money than you planned, but it’s a way a distant second to: Are we getting this stuff shot?

Are all the studios behind?

Nobody is meeting their goals. Just look at the Disney+ line-up, all the stuff that they want to put in place. Look at what Paramount is doing now with Paramount Plus. If you just look at these pipelines, this is the anxiety that everyone feels right now. And then, by the way, WandaVision's a hit, so you got to feed that beast, right? That’s the tension that you feel every day.

How much of that is not having enough physical space to film? Several production facilities, including yours, are fully booked.

It's not just about space. Yes, of course, we could use some more facilities, and we're putting in five more stages that will be ready by June. But that's only one small part. Even before COVID hit, there weren't enough people — I'm talking about crew, not to mention the storytellers — to meet the demand that Wall Street was pouring into the pipeline. There's a talent drain. With COVID, it's [only gotten worse].

Georgia opened sooner than other states. Did you field a lot of calls?

It was overwhelming. Guys were like, "Hey, we heard you guys figured it out." First of all, we didn't figure it out. We have a version and it's working. But there was a lot of attention on us. And we had the good fortune of not having to worry about what role our government leaders would play because they basically said, "We're going to let the industry figure it out." That's the good news. The bad news: It was on us to figure it out and take responsibility.

Are you getting involved in the vaccine rollout as you did testing?

No, we decided we would just keep our focus on the testing protocols. We have to make certain that we just take it all the way to the end — and we'll let [union, guild and association] leadership decide when that is and when those protocols can change. And then again, as an industry, we're going to have to decide what we want to carry forward and what we don't. That's the next phase, and the rate at which we're vaccinating may advance those conversations faster than I thought. I used to think [the protocols] were going to go into 2022. I don't know if that's the case anymore.

Have you had conversations about mandating the vaccine on sets?

We haven't. We know that when it comes to mandatory protocols, we'll have to work in collaboration with industry leadership. No one goes on our lot without a mask, for example. And that was a political thing. Fortunately, Governor Kemp said, "How can I help?" And we were like, "What would be helpful is if you wear a mask in public," and he said, "OK." So when a crewmember said, "It's my right [not to wear one]" or whatever, of course we can say, "This is private property, sorry," but what our security team said instead was, "Hey, listen, the governor's wearing a mask, and you should wear a mask to protect our industry." It was us taking a stand, but the stand was really only taken because the unions and guilds and associations agreed. We'll have to do the same thing with the vaccination.

You're building out a neighboring town for people to live. Is this the future of production facilities?

I don't think so. In some ways, what we're doing is what Mr. Disney did. The mill town is not a new concept. But if we didn't have a state with a reputation for being so business friendly, for having the tax incentives, for having the most traveled airport in the world, if those things didn't exist right there, believe me, we couldn't do this. I grew up in Hill Country outside of San Antonio, Texas. You cannot do this in San Antonio, Texas.

How many people are buying houses and apartments on the Trilith property?

We have 400 of the apartments built, 260 of them occupied. We’re at almost 300 homes now sold and 500 people in the town. We're working on our next set of 150 homes right now and starting our third micro village. The second micro village filled up like that (snaps fingers). We have 36 people on the waiting list. What’s happening — and this is a global trend — is that COVID has heightened our awareness of the benefits of this approach to working. The distributed workforce and the way for us to collaborate with these electronic tools is causing a lot of people to realize that they don't have to live in the town they thought they have to live in. So I think people thought it was going to be more like a second home, but they're actually staying here.

Every few years it seems there’s some controversial legislation in Georgia that pops up and Hollywood threatens a boycott, whether it’s an anti-LGBT or anti-abortion bill. Do you just assume it's going to pass?

These kinds of ebbs and flows of social discourse and its impact on the industry will never go away. Georgia is not immune to it. The film industry has been this wonderful beacon of possibility, and I do worry, given what's going on in our culture right now, that we as an industry could get caught sideways in this in some way that really dampens our ability to continue to have diverse views on the world.

Georgia's film incentives program has been criticized by some as an irresponsible use of taxpayer money. Do you see it being phased out or pared in the future?

This state is very proud of the fact that seven years in a row now it’s the number one state in the United States to do business. They saw the film industry as a way to really diversify its economy, to bring the creative class into the state. So they wrote this policy that was supported left and right, and that still is the case. I'm not a politician, but I'm on all of these committees, and what I noticed is they were so careful and specific about making it make business sense. It would be very difficult for anyone to turn it around now because it's just good, smart money — and you have both Democrats and Republicans looking at it. But in every session in every state always in the U.S., you will have people come up and write up some kind of legislation, "Let's get rid of tax incentives." It's just not going to happen. I would be really surprised.

But there were some changes to it recently, yes?

There were parts that we needed to improve on around auditing and how we manage the information and our relationship with all the productions. We needed to clean up some of the back of house stuff, so Representative Matt Dollar passed some amendments last session that are now going into effect that really helped clean up the whole process.

Interview edited for length and clarity.

[captainmartinisblog]

Yes, We Have No Bananas….

Monday 30th May 2022

Today we got the bus in the other direction for a change and made the short journey into the Royal Town of St George, otherwise known as St George’s.

St George’s was the first town on the island founded in 1612 and was the original capital of Bermuda until the island population had grown to the point where the newer and more central city of Hamilton became the capital in 1815.

Sadly, as cruise ships have grown larger over the years, and with the advent of covid-19, St George’s has seen tourist numbers fall dramatically and only a handful even bother to get the fast ferry from Dockyard to come here - as was the case today. We had a gentle stroll through the town, doing a bit of light shopping and then stopping for a drink at the famous White Horse Pub on King’s Square.

Mind you, it may seem odd but everywhere we’ve been over the last few days, there have been no bananas and no banana-flavoured things. It was bad enough they ran out of Pina Colada mix in the hotel bar but there were no banana daquiris or banana ice-creams either; also, there were no banana-split sundaes in the park on Friday; no bananas in the fruit selection at breakfast - need I go on? Bermuda must be the only tropical island with no bananas! However, wonder of wonders, the White Horse had some banana daquiri mix today, so maybe I broke the spell and as a result, Andrew and I ended up co-ordinating our drinks with our outfits - his was an Apple Martini of course!

We returned to Grotto Bay in time for lunch and in the afternoon, we ventured across the road to Blue Hole Park and the Walsingham Nature Reserve.

The Reserve is a habitat for birds and native mangroves, as well as being directly above the island’s famous Crystal and Leamington Caves, a series of underground limestone caves. The Blue Hole for which the park is named is a collapsed example in which people who find it often swim.

It was a very hot day today (by English standards at least) and Andrew led our group (or my case, dragged!) up the hill to the Ice Cream Parlour - where, surprise, surprise, they didn’t have any banana ice-cream! Still, they did have about 15 other flavours to choose from and the Mint Choc Chip was just what the doctor ordered.

[thedeaditeslayer]

Moonshine, shotguns, buried cash: Bruce Campbell on 'The Evil Dead' in East Tennessee.

There are plenty of structurally sound homes scattered throughout East Tennessee's woods for tourists to enjoy, yet some prefer to visit the ruins of a Morristown cabin. Of course, it's the only cabin in the state once surrounded by demonizing trees and where zombies could be found locked in the cellar. A handful of circumstances led a Michigan film crew to East Tennessee in the late '70s to film the low-budget movie "The Evil Dead." More than 40 years later, the film is till very much alive in horror-enthusiast circles, with a special virtual screening scheduled for Jan. 23. The screening will include behind-the-scenes commentary from producer and actor Bruce Campbell, who recently spoke with Knox News about his time in East Tennessee and what's next for the "Evil Dead" franchise.

Check out our conversation with Campbell and visit bit.ly/WatchwithBruce to purchase tickets, starting at $25.  

How'd you end up in East Tennessee?

The crew planned to shoot the film in Michigan, but as delays got longer and the weather got colder, the thought of shooting outdoors in the North sounded less appealing.

"There were plenty of isolated cabins in Michigan that would have done the trick, but we went south," Campbell told Knox News.

The crew connected with folks from Tennessee's film commission, who then connected them with a local to drive them around.

"And we checked out half a dozen different possible places and finally found this creepy-ass place outside of Morristown," Campbell said.

He visited the cabin a few years back, although there's not much left of it.

"But it's private property, you know — 'Stay the hell off,'" Campbell said. "The usual deal (in) Tennessee: Shoot first, ask questions later. I never encourage people to go see it because part of the placed burned down in the '80s, but part of the fireplace still exists."

That hasn't stopped people from showing up at conventions with bricks to show Campbell, as the site has become a tourist destination of sorts.

Was the cabin as scary as it looks?

Fans of "The Evil Dead" might be surprised to learn the cabin was more scary than it appeared on screen.

"It had no power," Campbell said. "It had cow s--- on the floor. We had to knock doors and ceilings out and stuff. There was a lot of work to do. The locals showed up after a thunderstorm and said, 'Hey, have you seen Clara?'"

The story goes that people were once killed in the cabin during a storm, but Clara ran off.

Clara was rumored to come back to the cabin during storms and would have been an old lady at the time of filming "The Evil Dead."

"And so we were waited to see with bated breath if anyone caught out of the corner of their eyes some old woman crawling through the underbrush whose name happened to be Clara," Campbell said.

What was your experience in East TN?

Coming to East Tennessee in 1979 was a "fascinating cultural experience," Campbell said.

"It was all new," he said. "In 1979 you knew Tennessee was not Michigan. ... It changed in Kentucky, and we drove down."

Being that Campbell was a producer, he went to a bank to take out $10,000 in cash that he recalls smelling like dirt. He asked the woman at the bank if he was imagining the smell.

"Oh yeah, people still bury it in their back yard," he recalls her saying.

The crew tried their first moonshine in Tennessee, which they acquired along with marijuana from a local.

"We learned a lot about moonshine," Campbell said. "Too much. Too much."

Why did you decide on horror?

Campbell's early "Super 8" movies were slapstick style — "very 'Jackass'-like," he said.

But that changed after "The Evil Dead" director Sam Raimi, Campbell's high school friend, went off to college.

"He was sort of studying humanities or something and studied like the Sumerian book of the dead," Campbell said. "And that kind of caught his attention."

They knew they wanted to get into the movie industry after high school; they just didn't know what kind of movie to make.

"We sort of thought horror would be pretty safe," he said. "It's cheap, you don't have to have name actors, you can use regular street clothes and cars. Nothing had to be glitzy or fancy. If we did a comedy, you'd have to have John Candy or somebody. But, in this case, you were off the hook. Horror was very forgiving."

Raimi was interested in the subject matter, Campbell said. Once "The Evil Dead" story was selected, he was all in.

"We also thought no holds barred," Campbell said. "This movie is potentially unrated. Let's not pull any punches."

What were some low-budget tricks?

Being that the film was low budget, Campbell said, there were some tricks the crew used to make shots work.

"Every hour of every day on that shoot we were faking it," he said.

The moonshine they couldn't drink went onto the fire just before cameras rolled to make the flames roar.

"So we learned how to do that real cheaply," he said. "We learned to just use a real shotgun with real ammunition. That was just the easiest way to do it. ... The shadow passes over the window, you turn and you blow the window out with the shotgun just standing right there — no safety glasses, no earmuffs, no nothing.

"So simpler times, but stupider times. Hell yeah."

How do you illustrate fear on camera?

Illustrating fear on camera is just like illustrating any other emotion: You fake it, Campbell said.

He remembers someone at a Q&A criticizing his "Evil Dead" performance for being over-the-top.

"Sir, excuse me," Campbell recalls saying. "Can you verify sitting in that chair right now how you would react if your (girlfriend's) eyes turned white and she flew up into the air and got possessed and tried to rip your throat out? Would you react like Clint Eastwood? I would scream like a girl."

Campbell said his performances are "protected" by the fact no one knows how they actually would react. And while many modern films require even more faking, due to computer technology replacing sets, "The Evil Dead" had an advantage.

"You don't see anything anymore," Campbell said. "At least with the first 'Evil Dead,' you're in a real cabin in the middle of nowhere in the Deep South in 1979. I mean, it was weird as --- already.

"So, the nice little edge that 'Evil Dead' gets is it's a little docu-horror once you get deeper into the shoot and we all get a little crazier."

Why have you stuck with the franchise?

One of the reasons Campbell continues to be a part of the franchise is his love for his Ash character.

"He has no skills," he said. "In this case, the guy who saves the world from evil multiple times is — by the time he gets to the TV show, he's doing mescaline, he's drinking his ass off, he smokes reefer constantly. This is my kind of hero."

What will the screening be like?

The virtual watch party and live commentary will be different than what some fans are used to. Campbell will have the ability to stop and start the movie to share his thoughts.

"My problem with commentary always in the past is you see something that triggers it — a stunt or a punch in the face — and you tell about what happened," he said. "But then, you tell that story and you look back and you missed three other stories you could have told if that film hadn't just rolled along."

What's it like to watch yourself?

When asked what it's like to watch a young version of himself on screen, Campbell explained how being an actor is a double-edged sword. On one hand, every bad photo taken of Campbell is out there for the world to see.

"But then your best work is documented," he said. "That's what's awesome. Because a lot of guys go, 'I remember back in the day the chicks thought I was hot.' And most people are like, 'Yeah, yeah — sure pal.' At least I can suggest a couple of movies that I go, 'Well, this is me when I could do s---.'"

What's next for 'Evil Dead'?

Campbell said he's planning to shoot the next  "Evil Dead" movie in New Zealand later this year. The film will be set in a modern-day urban setting.

While he couldn't share much about the film, he did emphasize that "it's out of the woods."

"That's the best thing to say," he said.

Campbell also has a film called "Black Friday," in which he plays a manager at a toy store invaded by aliens on Black Friday. Campbell said he's interested in doing a drive-in tour and that it would make "a whole lot of sense" to show 'The Evil Dead' somewhere near Knoxville.

"Maybe I'll see you there in East Tennessee with this new movie," he said.

What are the challenges of COVID-19?

Campbell filmed during the COVID-19 pandemic in December, even though he had no clue what to expect.

"The whole crew looks like Darth Vader," Campbell said. "In proximity, you have to go beyond the mask. You have to put the shield too. The good news is Tom Cruise would shout at us, of course, if we had any problems with COVID."

In all seriousness, he said. the industry has been doing a good job taking precautions making sure work can be completed safely.

"Everything's more complicated, but it can still be done," he said.

[thesinglesurgeon]

Feb 28: Hot Jon

What did this picture cost me? 

A 1.5 hour drive down the Long Island Expressway on a rainy Sunday night. I was blasting Bronze Whale, my latest favorite artist culled from this weeks Discover Weekly playlist on Spotify. I had to gently swerve to avoid the crater-like potholes left behind from all the snow plows, the snow still hadn’t melted and gray heaps of it dotted the banks of the road and the lawns seen from the highway. I had a coffee next to me with sugar free vanilla syrup added, a new thing I was trying. It was 5pm but I was post-call from a boring 24 at the VA, of course someone needed an emergent chest tube at 2am. My sleep was like it has been for months: in chunks punctuated by achey backs in hospital beds, the intern calling for help, bloody bowel movements the nurses saved for us to see, hiccups and nasogastric tubes, and sometimes a code blue page.

I finally found this guys apartment building and the parking garage right below it (he sent me a picture of it when I got closer for QuikPark). I walked outside of the parking garage just to take a picture of the city skyline in the rain. The fog and the colored lights during a rainy sunset were perfect. It quelled my nerves. A first date. 

We had talked on facetime before, something I had dreaded but did anyway with a full glass of wine (carefully out of view, sipping subtly to not appear like an alcoholic). He was handsome, with really good hair. I think he used to have a speech impediment, he had to slow down to talk to me. He seemed passionate about his job, whatever it was (I swear I tried to understand it). Something about business solutions and IT and team management. I laughed a lot, and I didn’t roll my eyes once. Right before we hung up he asked when I could come and see him. 

Here I was now cruising down the highway, the bass reverberating through my bones, feeling sultry, but tired. My tiredness lived in me now, had settled into my bones. I sipped the coffee, something I carefully matched it with water intake during the day. It felt like liters of coffee and liters of water. 

His apartment was hot, it was uncluttered. He had 2 pictures on the wall and a lamp that changed color when has asked Alexa to change it. His bathroom had toothpaste still stuck in the sink. But the toilet was clean, so was his shower when I peered around the curtain. The view was amazing (see above). He was wearing a t shirt and shorts and socks. I had spent hours getting ready, to be honest, to look like I was always this sleek and clear skinned. Poor women of the world.

He talked to me confidently after he made Mojitios using mint from his quarantine project indoor garden. He wasn’t scared of me. I made up an elaborate lie that i had to go at 7:30 to pick up my friend at Penn Station who had been in town enjoying tapas restaurants with her friends from med school and she didn’t want to take the train home since it took too long. I had her call me at 655 reminding she would be ready on time. God bless her.

So this guy sat on the couch at 7:15, said I could sit down too. I did, but I was at least six feet away, maybe quarantine habits had sunk in hard. Our fluid conversation became jagged, I knew what was happening. I asked if he was afraid of COVID, he said “not enough to stop from kissing you soon.” He actually said that. And he scooted over, across the distance I had placed and kind of pushed me down and took over me and touched my face and neck and it was a good make out session. But I designed this so I had to go. I had mentioned it one hundred times. And he stopped and lifted up his body and said to me “please let me go down on you, please? Please? I want twenty minutes.” 

Was I dreaming? And also, how did I say no? I could feel my hair pushed into twenty directions. I could fell my lips burning from being rubbed against his stubble. I could hear my ragged breath, but I said no, in as cute of a way as I could, I pretended I just really had to go. We kissed goodbye, but he had this look of fascination in his eyes, his facade had been broken. I like that look, but I also feel like I won too early.

I left the apartment, I felt neutral, not on a high or in a low. It was misting outside, I put up my hood and walked for a mile. I found a pizzeria. I ordered a Margherita slice at 8pm in the rain.  I stuffed napkins in my pocket and walked outside, unwrapping the pizza. I will eat pizza in the rain in the city because I don’t care. It’s a story, it’s romantic, it’s artistic. I saw the yellow-white lights in all the apartments, people in all of them, sitting around tables, one guy with a guitar. Interesting curtains, weird wall hangings. And the voice I fight now everyday was very loud in the rain in Long Island City on this Sunday while I ate melted cheesy pizza dappled by raindrops: I want to be an artist. 

I found the parking garage. My brown boots were wet, my toes were getting wet. I paid 21 dollars for parking. 4 dollars for pizza. 3 hours of driving. I listened to the entire Bronze Whale album twice. I wondered what I could do about new resolutions in March, did I need a self help book now, why was I turning down a man begging to go down on me, who lost all his composure because he wanted so badly to give me pleasure? Was something wrong with me? Also, why do men beg me lately to come over, come inside, have sex? What happened to mixed drinks at pricey restaurants and being nervous about kissing by a car before saying goodbye? Was this thirties-something dating, or New York dating, or was I giving off thirsty sex vibes that made them all beg?

I drove home, and fell into a perfect sleep with the comforting admission that I am just overwhelmed right now, maybe all the time, and the only thing I can do is take it day by day, moment by moment, tackle what scares me (in small measured bites). I texted my friends I had shared my location with informing them I was alive, don’t worry, we will analyze this all to death with wine next week.

[deepdeepjoyandpain]

Covid Thanksgiving

Last year I decided I was all done going to my relatives thanksgiving due to the obsessive diet culture talk, lack of relationships and follow through. They are a connection to my deceased dad and it was wild to suddenly just know I don’t have to do this anymore. Later that weekend I booked a cruise for this week. Ha. Instead I’m working tomorrow and worked both days last weekend as well as extra hours monday and Tuesday. Omg I just realized she would have had a broken leg for our cruise, so that really wouldn’t have happened. So over the broken leg. Five more days. So we had thanksgiving lunch at my moms, just four of us. She did a ham, i surprisingly missed the turkey and many more sides but whatever. We played some games, watched the dog show, took a walk. Lulu can triangulate between us, with it being so long since she’s seen mom or all of us being together (they’ve taken her for me without me there, only communal meal in August) I wasn’t sure how she’s do. She did great. We dropped off a treat at my sick friends house on the way home, got to meet their puppy (mini Aussie doodle 😍) and shout at her kids from across the yard. Lulu wanted them to sign her cast... yeah no. We put this years marching Christmas pjs on (old navy this year, sorry lands end, your price and quality didn’t hold up how I wanted last year) and watched little women, Winona Ryder edition. I think we will watch the new one as well as the current times one also this weekend because why not?! We made popcorn and snuggled on the couch with the tree, candles, etc. then she shoved the dog off the couch and I didn’t get mad, but was just so disappointed and weary and she’d much rather I got mad of course.

[gotmilk5101520]

Trollhunters: Tales of Arcadia Watch Episode 8 Adventures in Trollsitting

Hey, this one is actually short for once.

Suddenly first person view.

“Ohh!”

“Chaka, chaka, chaka, chaka” Goblins are the best babysitters.

“Can you imagine me going down the road on that?”

“Wind whipping through my hair”

“Claire holding tight to my back”

“Me, cruising in the sidecar next to ya” Question: Are there any fanarts of that? If there are no fanarts, then i’m disappointed in this fandom.

“What are the chances of your mom getting you one for your birthday?” “My birthday is next episode, Tobes”

“It’s a goblin, with a baby!”

“Come on, Jim! It’s just a bird! Or a plane! Oh it is a goblin with a baby. It’s a goblin with a baby!”

“And, in order for a changeling to maintain it’s appearance in our world, no harm must come to the human child in theirs”

“I assure you, there is no safer place for a baby to be than the bowels of the Darklands nursery”

“Oh great, that means Gunmar is watching them. Gunmar the Black? More like Gunmar the Babysitter”

“AAAAHHHH!!!”

“Jim!”

“Got him!”

“I told you i’d fall. Plus, i can’t go down there” “Yet” “Yet?”

“As Jim has Draal now to protect his home”

“Tobias, you will now have Aaarrrgghh to protect yours”

“Really? For real? We’re gonna be roomies?

“Yeah! High-five, big guy!”

“AAAAHHHH!!!”

“AAAAHHHH!!!”

“We said we were sorry”

“I am going to find out who it belongs to, and when i do i’m going to find the parents and punch them in the face for letting their baby get taken so easy. And if there’s an older sibling that’s my age, i’m punching them too. That stupid family that let thei-”

“You have Suzy Snooze?”

“My brother’s bunny! I’ve been looking all over for him” “So you still gonna...” “Shut up, Toby”

“I, like, live in their shirt every day!” You’re in a cartoon, you’re suppose to wear the same thing every day.

“Sorry, but Dean finally asked me to a movie”

“And then Hank invited me to ice cream!”

“Do you believe this?”

“I know. Mary Wang’s a player” Important facts.

“Claire, i can babysit!”

“Wait, have you ever babysat before?”

“Uh, yeah” And he said “Yeah” you know, like Lila.

“Nana, i’m home!”

“It’s your Toby-Pie!”

“I have a giant troll with me!”

And they’re safe.

“Ladies love the floating ball” That’s what she said.

Sonic the Gnome 2006

“I guess i was just excited to have a roomie, you know?”

“It’s just been me and Nana here for a while”

*Cries in Troll*

“Jim, put the horseshoe away” “Right”

“You’re not the only one hiding a secret” “Secret? What secret? I’m not hiding an secret! No not me. No secret about me being the Trollhunter and your brother is a changeling” “You are lucky you’re cute” “What?” “Nothing”

“So, if your secret is eating babies, now is the time to tell me” Jim the Baby-Eater.

“Sheesh-kebab” What an odd way to say shit.

“What?”

“Steve the fuck are you doing here?” “I’m here to babysit!” “I’m the babysitter!” “I thought i was babysitting?” “Steve i would not trust you with a baby” “Hey! I could be a good dad! You two are lame anyway. You guys don’t know what i had to go through in 3Below!”

“Yeah? Well why don’t you tell Aja! She’ll love to hear it!” “...” “Jim, We’re not at that part yet” “Oh... Uh. I’m gonna go and move forward with the plot, and shove my hand in a bin of used diapers. Okay, bye!”

Suddenly blood.

“Kill them all, kill them all”

“Kill them all!”

“Kill them all!”

“Kill...”

“them...”

“all!”

I don’t know about you guys. But this terrified me a lot (It still does)

“Wow. When you get into a game, man, you really”

“Um... commit” I sometimes throw my controllers, but i never smash them.

“You hid the horseshoe in the diaper bin, didn’t you?”

“Because you’re just a normal baby, and that’s what normal babies do”

“Ooh, doggy! Oh, It is really packed”

And you just did that for nothing.

“Go away. We’re closed”

“You haven’t closed your apothecary since the wart outbreak of 1982!” Wart outbreak? Was that the trolls version of Covid?

Suddenly a cat.

‘Are you not babysitting?”

“Well, i’m not saying i’m good at it”

“I don’t understand how the baby could elude you if you were rightfully sitting on him” Babies can’t elude you, if you’re sitting on them.

“Do you see this? The little poop-bag locked us out!” What an odd to say shit-bag.

“I feel a disturbance in the Force. Like someone is breaking into my room” “Who cares about you?” “Steve, go back to drinking your milkshake”

“This is what a girl’s lips taste like!” Toby that “Girl’s lips” you tasted is Claire’s. So you kinda kissed Claire. Wait then that means the next time Claire uses that lipstick, she’s kissing Toby. Toby and Claire’s first kiss was with each other. Sorry Jim.

“You’re freaking him out!” “He is freaking me out! Why are you gaslighting this!?” “I am not! I’m just expressing poor denial at the idea that an evil creature would take sweet, helpless babies from their families and replace them” “I- I’m sorry, Tobes. I had no idea this was hurting you on the inside” “No. I’m sorry for gaslighting this” “Come here Tobes. Let all out”

“All right, come to daddy” That’s what she said.

“That is not Enrique!”

“That is not Enrique!”

‘That is not Enrique!” And, for some reason, that’s his name.

“No, hey!”

“You’re a very bad baby!”

“My word!” What are you reading?

“Stay hidden”

“I mean, lie low”

“Lie low” Yeah, no one will see him.

“Ooh, cake!” Priority straight.

“Oh, hey, Claire! How’s the concert?” “We never went to the concert” “Why? What happened?” “Remember what you told Steve? Let’s just say he’s been a mess after that. We’re at a McDonald’s right now” “Really? Can you get me a milkshake from there?” “Sorry, but they’re out” “Of course they are. McDonald’s never has milkshakes” “That, and Steve has been ordering those all night. He’s on his fifth one right now” “I never wanted to be in this play! Tell Jim, to take his part back! I don’t want it!” “I can get you French Fries instead. Does that sound good?” “Deal!”

“Oh, yeah. One other thing, my parents are on their way home” “What? I thought they weren’t coming back till late late!” “Jim, you should know by now, when they say “Be home late late” it means they’ll be home early” “God, i hate when that happens!”

New meme template.

“Need help”

“But we are helping them by not helping” The best way to be helpful.

“Can’t you see? By coddling a pupil, we’re only stunting-”

“Ah!”

“Aaarrrgghh, remove this door immediately!” Now it’s personal.

Some-

BODY ONCE TOLD ME!

Squashed

“Where’s the bridge?”

“What bridge? London Bridge?”

“I hear it’s falling down” My fair lady.

“Oh, no, someone’s home!”

“I suggest we make our egress”

“Agreste? Adrien Agreste?”

And this will never be let down for as long as Jim lives- Oh wait.

“Fudgeknuckle” What an odd way to say crap.

“Jim, your French Fries are in the front room” “Thank you! Why are they cold?” “Cause i walked home” “Why did you walked home? Where was Steve?” “Steve got tired, and said “Screw you, i’m going to Eli’s! At least he understands me!” and left” “Why didn’t you use the Shadow Staff?” “I thought that too, but then i remembered “Wait this is the first half of season 1″ and then i began walking home”

That’s a lot of babies.

So “Best” babysitter. Jim or Marinette? You decide.

And now, it’s time for a birthday.