#so I made this into real bad fan fic so I didn't have to try

[thisapplepielife]

Written for @steddiesongfics.

Fan Mail

June Prompt: Song By Blondie | Word Count: 876 | Rating: T | Characters: Steve, Robin, Eddie | CW: Language | Tags: Future Fic, Canon Divergence, No Upside Down, Steve "I'm a Big Fan" Harrington, Platonic Stobin

For a song by Blondie, I picked Fan Mail.

The crumpled ball of paper hits the wall, banking off and falling straight into the trash can. At least his aim is good, even if his writing isn't. Steve looks up at the poster over his desk, and sighs. He's fucking pathetic. Seriously, is his plan really that he's gonna write Eddie "The Freak" Munson with some, what, fan mail? Yeah, that's a great fucking plan. 

Hi, remember me? We went to high school together. I was a bit of a dick, but I'm hoping you've forgotten that. You're pretty hot up on that stage. Call me.

Yeah, right. 

He's definitely aborting this mission. It was a stupid idea, anyway.

A few weeks later, Steve pulls a stack of letters out of the mailbox. Bill, bill, junk, junk, bill…and then his stomach drops with dread. A red envelope, with the Corroded Coffin logo drawn in the corner, where the return address should be.

What the fuck? No, seriously, what the fuck?

Steve takes it to the kitchen counter and sits it down, filled with dread. He didn't lose his mind and actually mail one of those goddamn letters, right? Surely he'd remember doing something as unhinged as that. 

He wants to open it, but he also really doesn't want to know what's inside.

So, it sits. For an hour, a day, a week.

It sits until Robin swings by one day, and picks it up like the Nosey Nellie she is, "What's this, dingus?"

Steve reaches for it, trying to grab it from her grubby little hands, "Nothing!"

"It doesn't sound like it's nothing," she crows, and holds it behind her back. 

"Robin, give it to me," he warns, low and pissy. If he opens it, it's gonna be on his own terms. And that's a big if. As long as he leaves it alone, he'll never have to know what's inside. Good, bad or ugly.

"Why haven't you opened it? Maybe it's important," she says, "maybe it's from Eddie."

And he knows. He suddenly knows exactly what's happened here, and he's gonna kill her.

"What the fuck did you do?" he asks, eyes narrowed.

"What you were too chickenshit to," she says, and she presses the envelope to his chest.

"Goddamnit, Robin," Steve says, feeling embarrassed and sick, "they weren't, I wasn't, ready."

Robin's eyes soften, "I know you, Steve. You'd never be ready."

She's not wrong, she's not, but still. She shouldn't have done this to him. It could be classified as a hate crime, he's pretty sure. And maybe even tampering with the U.S. mail. That's a federal offense. He could have her prosecuted to the fullest extent of the law.

"Quit daydreaming about my demise, and just open it. Then you can kill me if you need to," she says, and he nods, sliding onto the stool at the counter. 

He slides his thumb under the flap of the envelope and tugs, ripping it open, pulling out the letter. When he unfolds it, two tickets fall onto the counter and Robin reaches for them, and he just lets her. 

And he reads. 

It's short, and funny, and not as embarrassing as he'd feared. Eddie seems happy to have heard from him, and the two tickets are an invitation. It seems casual, but Steve knows better.

Holy shit.

He's actually made a fucking pass at Eddie Munson, and he seems to have made one back? What is happening right now? For real. 

"Well?" Robin asks, bouncing on the balls of her feet, impatient. 

"He invited me, us, to their show in Indy next month."

"See? I told you it'd be fine, dingus," she says, and he nods.

He spins on his chair, to face her full-on, "What version did you send?"

Steve suddenly needs to know how embarrassed he needs to be right now.

"The least stalkerish one, I swear," she says, "and I included a note from me, so he'd know, you weren't exactly aware it was being mailed."

That's probably more embarrassing, he thinks. Like he was just sitting there, pining, like a fool, and his best friend had to intervene.

Eddie must think he's the fucking freak, now. 

The tickets are good. Really good, Steve has suddenly realized, as they stand right next to the stage. They aren't front and center, more off to the side, but still. Right there. Front row. Where Eddie will definitely be able to see them, and know they came, if he just looks down.

And he does. 

As soon as he hits the stage, he comes right to their side, squats down, and reaches out to hand Steve something. Steve's frozen, eyes locked on Eddie's, so it's Robin's hand that reaches out and takes the folded up piece of paper he's offering.

Once Eddie's gone from in front of them, taking his spot center stage and getting the show started, Robin is unfolding the piece of paper. 

Steve leans over her shoulder, and it's dark. Nearly too dark to read, but it's fan mail. Right back. Talking about how he'd always liked looking at him, too, back in high school.

That he'd like to look at him a little bit more after the show tonight, if Steve is interested.

Oh.

Steve is definitely interested.

If you want to write your own, or see more entries for this challenge, pop on over to @steddiesongfics and follow along with the fun! 🎶

[goldsbitch]

I could tell them where you were that night

part 3 to I gave so many signs

summary: They shouldn't. They really shouldn't...But they did.

warning: present + flashbacks, mature content, cheating, self pleasure, alcohol and smoking, typos

song fic (disclaimer: rights belong to the respectable owners)

The Alibi - Dylan delicate - Taylor Swift

But if there was a crime If there was a body, if there was a knife If you told a real good, real bad lie I'd be standing by your side

Both of them knew this was not going to end well. This screamed "bad idea" on all levels. He should have just turned and run back home. She should have gone straight back to the bar as soon as she saw his unmistakable figure. There was no one to diffuse the tension, all of her friends were back upstairs ordering another drink. Nobody to play pretend to.

"So you're a smoker now," Charles said with a hint of disgust. She'd cursed herself for ever picking up the habit. He had never made her nervous back in the day, maybe she was cashing it in all now retroactively. Stood there like a lamb waiting for someone else to decide her destiny. Totally at his mercy and he had no idea. "Yeah, for a moment I was. Now just these," she pointed to the latest trendy vape in her hand, which Charles mistook for a cigarette. "Ah. Cool." "Not really," she said and inhaled extra large dose of fruity smoke just to breathe it in his face. The regular rules of proximity didn't seem to apply to to them. If he had been standing closer to her, he'd have to be touching her. "So, you're a runner now?" she took the opportunity she looked him up and down, trying not to let her imagination run too wild. "Always was." "No, you were not," she laughed genuinely. "What are you trying to play at here?" She was right. Charles picked up running with his first real girlfriend. "And what a bizarre thing anyway - to go for a run after a night out," she pointed out and he smirked, as both of them knew she got him with that. "I should not be seen with you for long. Doubt that you'd pass as a fan." It felt like an invitation from him, but she was well aware that he was not inviting her to his home. There was a strange spark in his face, as if he dared her to ask him to come over. Like a shameless devil testing her self control. "I'll take a cab and you can run over to my place. Let's see who'll get there first," she dared him back.

If there was a way That someone at the scene had saw your face I could tell 'em where you were that night You were standing by my side

"You should have told me that you parents were home!" he whispered angrily, as they snuck in like they used to back in the day. Funny how it worked like magic and Charles felt as if he just turned nineteen, terrified of running into Y/N's angry mom. "What? It's not like your place is empty, correct?" she shot arrows at him without waiting for an answer. Shot of guilt went thought Charles and he decided chased that by lying to himself, thinking that this was just a casual catch up with an old friend.

We can't make Any promises now, can we, babe? But you can make me a drink

Charles waited on the balcony adjacent to her old high school bedroom, that remained untouched for years, serving as a perfect door for nostalgia, while she made their favorite Moscow mule. He had tasted many of those since they last saw each other. None of those tasted so intoxicating like this one.

"So, big racer boy. Always wondered. Which out of the cities you go to is the most fun?" "Define fun. I'm sure your taste has evolved over the years." Yes, it had. No longer was she blind towards the god like man sitting across from her. "Ok, where did you fuck the most girls?" "Monaco," he smirked at her. He realized he enjoyed teasing her. No longer was he the shy love stuck puppy dancing as she demanded. "You became quite forward, huh? I remember you avoiding these subjects," he followed up, testing the waters. She gave him a long look, before letting a loud sigh out: "Charlie, it's been years. People change. Mature. Gain experience..." "And then come back to where they started, huh?"

Is it cool that I said all that? Is it chill that you're in my head? 'Cause I know that it's delicate

He leaned a little too close for an old time friend. Slowly, he touched her hand and waited for her to stop him. When she didn't, he tangled his fingers with hers. No longer were they soft baby hands, but adult fingers with tender touch. "I missed you," he said quietly. Old habit kicked in and she avoided his eye contact. But this time, he put his hand on her cheek and turned her face towards him, so that she couldn't just dismiss it, like she had so many times back then. "I missed you too." There was an urgency and a vulnerability that he had never heard from her before. It was addicting and intoxicating. He carefully closed the gap between them and their lips brushed so lightly that one could still pass it as friendly touch, if they really really wanted to. But with every second they kept their lips like that, the gap of morally safe evening kept closing inevitably. They stayed like that for just a few seconds, both of them waiting to see if the other one pulls away. Until finally, her lips moved slightly and then there really was no way back. Charles forgot that there ever was anyone else in his life and kissed her slowly. She took his bottom lip in and let her tongue lick it, breaking the soft kiss with urgency only years of daydreaming can bring.

Do the girls back home touch you like I do? Long night with your hands up in my hair Echoes of your footsteps on the stairs Stay here, honey, I don't wanna share

This was bad. Ugly, disrespectful and not something a friend would do. Charles was locked in room again having the luxury to spend few weeks in a sunny Monte Carlo. But sunny days at home also meant that he and Y/N were spending a lot of time together. Charles knew he was head-over-heels for this girl, but kept himself at bay. But these thoughts he was having were a little too much. Inappropriate. Made him feel dirty and shameful. He was just a teenage boy and he just came back from a beach day with his crush. It was impossible to focus on anything, he was suppose be studying for his exam, exploring race strategies, anything! He could have been a good son and helped his mom out. But no, instead he was pacing around his room, desperately trying to block all the images that got burned to his memory under that day's bright sunlight. Why did he even suggest a beach day - and why would she ever agree to that. Stupid idea. Charles was mad at himself for being so stereotypically teenage. For a split second, he stopped with the self-shame and allowed himself to recall this afternoon. Perfect Monaco sunlight hitting Y/N lightly tanned skin, her hair falling out of her messy bun, just begging for him to tuck it behind her ear. This was all still pretty innocent. But then there were the shoulders. The collarbone leading way towards her boobs, covered by a piece of bathing suite fabric, that pushed her cleavage up just a little bit, but it felt like a weapon designer specifically to destroy him. He had to stop himself from looking. When that proved impossible, he opted for looking only when he had his sunglasses on. If only he could take his hand and lightly brush over her nipples, which he couldn't forget about since the Moscow mule night. And then if only he could squeeze her boobs while tracing the line of her waste and over to her ass, also barely covered by a bathing suite. If only he was brave enough to do so, to make his wildest dreams come true and to confess his feelings. To have her come over to his place, look him suggestively in the eye, lick her lips and take him in her pretty little mouth. It didn't matter that she was slightly younger, in his fantasy she was the more experienced one, the one to guide him, instruct him and tell him what she likes. And once he learned, he would make her moan like nobody before, because he would adapt himself to any style she'd want. The visuals of a daydream extension of their today's hang out crept in, and there she was, taking her bra off and inviting him to join her in the water. Free, happy and heavenly hot. By some miracle he managed to avoid having a boner in her company. What he didn't manage was to stop stroking himself while drowning in the thoughts about her and her body, no matter how shameful it was for him. The best orgasm of his life yet had his hands covered with his cum and his head with clouded with growing, never-stoping need for a touch from his crush.

It was a different man kissing Y/N than the boy who had imagined it more times that he would ever admit. Yet still, he was getting to live out his ultimate fantasy, one that he almost forgot he had, until all the desire rushed back in and screamed so loudly he couldn't hear anything else. And the best thing? The best thing was that she was responding enthusiastically, felt as if she was hungry for something only he could have. He was a different man now, experienced, understood the spectrums of what touch could offer. The confidence radiated from him and it was Y/N who was now who danced way over the line of self control. It was her, who drank so much cheap wine in the form of men bad at sex, that she could finally appreciate the Montrachet Chardonnay she overlooked the first time around.

"We should get inside, mon cheri," he whispered into her lips. She understood why and did not want to hear him say it. Because in his silence, she could insert any thought and that was probably better than the hard truth - they were too exposed on her balcony. She nodded and slowly opened her eyes. Even with the dim lights she saw the tender spark in the most captivating shade of blue the world can offer.

Oh damn, never seen that color blue Just think of the fun things we could do

He pressed her to the door frame while devouring her lips. Lines have been crossed and the room was filled with unresolved sexual tension. Charles wanted her - naked and moaning in pleasure. She pulled his hair while they made out and each pull was like gasoline to the fire of his desire. He traced her side with his cheeky finger and then slipped his hand under her t-shirt only to trace the line of her bra and then swiftly cupping her breast. "So you're wearing bras now," he let slip out of his mouth, already fucking her in his thoughts. His comment sparked a distant memory of an evening long gone by now. She was shivering his touch and wanted more and more. "Yeah...but now you're not gonna have to touch yourself alone or secretely," she said, hoping he actually had done that in the past, trying to tease him once more, while grabbing the hem of his belt and pulling him even closer. It worked. He was hard as a rock. He pressed his cock against her and started kissing her neck. She wondered if he understood the cocktail of pleasure and arousal he was preparing for her and felt even a bit shameful to crumble so easily. He felt her cave into his embrace as soon as he touched her neck and made a mental note, so come back to this spot once he was inside her. He thought about her devilish finger making her way to his cock slowly, just painfully slowly. She was teasing him and while he was loving that, he couldn't wait a second longer. He grabbed her hand pushed right onto his erection, which cause her letting out a surprised gasp. "I'm gonna fuck you, Y/N. Say yes if you want me to," he whispered into her neck. Not much second guessing went into her reply. "Yes," she moaned out, causing shivers on his neck. "Really?" he said, unhooking her bra. She smiled. This was no shy unsure Charlie. This was a confident man with intension to make her feel good. "Yes..." With that, he pulled away to help her get her t-shirt off and get rid of the cursed bra. Finally, he could stare as much as he wanted to.

He fucked her like there was no tomorrow. For them there really wasn't a tomorrow, because technically, there wasn't suppose to be a tonight. It was to stay as a blank page, moans written in an invisible ink, for no one but them to read. Morning would bring trouble, reason would wake up and start ordering around. As long as the sun wasn't watching, they were safe, hidden in each other and wrapped by desire.

Sometimes when I look into your eyes I pretend you're mine all the damn time

part 4

--------------------------------------------------------- @linnmee @itsjustkhaos @rhythmstars @blueflorals

[hamletshoeratio]

"But no new content 😭!!" that means jack shit. We have several literal decades worth of content we can watch or rewatch. The writers and now the actors too are not only fighting for their livelihoods but for the futures and the soul of their industries.

Fuck new content, fuck the executives and producers and powers that be who make millions upon millions while the people, who create the content that make them rich, can barely make ends meet.

Here's some suggestions to anyone who doesn't know what to watch;

Nostalgia rewatch; watch old favourites, shows and movies you haven't seen in years but that stayed with you, the ones that mattered to you.

Watch the shows your parents didn't let you watch growing up because they thought the show was "too mature" for you.

Watch the shows and movies people have recommended to you that you never found time for before.

Watch indie films!!!

Look at different genres than what you've watched before and give them a go.

Try films and shows from other countries and/or in other languages. There's dubs and subtitles available and these shows and movies can be just as good if not better than their American and/or English speaking counterpart.

And remember when watching shows, that you do not have to binge them all at once, you can have your own personal tv schedule and watch say an episode a week like you would've done when/if they aired before streaming

Look at some older films and shows, why does it matter if it's in black and white or the camera quality is lower than 4k and hd, so long as it's good? And so many of those shows and films, while not perfect, have aged better than shows that have come out in the last decade, like the golden girls for instance has aged so much better than say glee (ok many many many shows aged better than glee but let's be real for a second, music was better when artists were terrified of the Glee cast doing a better version of their song on the show. I do still wish it was a show my mom didn't let me watch tho, lmao glee was fine but no, her twelve year old being obsessed with Les mis and rewatching it religiously was cause for concern 😂😭 I was just as obsessed with glee for seasons 1-4 especially).

It's ok to indulge your inner child and rewatch the classics tm. The shows and movies you grew up with. Rewatch the shows that got you through sick days from school, the tv movies you remember watching premiere, the cartoons that MADE your Saturday mornings, etc.

On the topic of animation, that's literally an unlimited genre you can tap into, which rarely gets the recognition and respect it deserves.

Don't be afraid to watch the one season wonders, the shows that networks and streamers cancelled after one season in spite of strong reviews and good ratings. Or the shows that ended abruptly around the season 3 or 5 mark because networks and streamers cancelled them because they didn't want to negotiate contracts and have to pay the actors and writers more. Get angry, remember what the actors and writers are fighting for.

The privilege of older shows that either concluded naturally or that writers were given a heads up on might be on it's last season is that you get closure, unlike with the above. That might not mean an ending is good but a bad ending is better than a cliffhanger. There's always fix its fics for a bad ending. And if the ending is good, it's typically GOOD in my experience. The fear of a cliffhanger and zero closure has already turned many against watching new content until the show is renewed for another season or is fully wrapped (and fans don't hate the ending).

Watch the shows that were in their day or are popular or critically acclaimed, they usually hold up to the hype.

Watch the old shows and movies your favs were on/in before they were your favs.

Try a soap or a telenovela, they can be entertaining af (holby city my love, Tuesdays have never been the same since the BBC robbed me of you).

If you liked a reboot or a revival of a show, try the original (in certain cases, the og is even better, see boy meets world v girl meets world).

If you like period dramas, try shows and films from other countries based on their history. A lot of times when people are telling their own history it goes far better than when Hollywood tries it (see the many times Hollywood has actors brought in because producers think they're good for box office and they then go on to butcher the accent their character should have, see Cameron Diaz, Julia Roberts, Meryl Streep and so many others who have absolutely butchered the Irish accent over the years for instance. There's also many many instances even recently of just blatant whitewashing see Matt Damon as the last samurai...).

Listen to recommendations, watch the shows and movies you know your family and friends loved but you never got around to watching.

[bonny-kookoo]

Jungkook

W.D.Y.W.F.M [Lovebites]

Jungkook could've adopted anybody else, really. He's gotten to know a lot of hybrids left and right during his time at the carecenter and foster homes- low maintenance ones, friendly ones, ones that are easy to be around. So why would he want you?

Tags/Warnings: Idol!Jungkook, Hybrid!Reader, Fox Hybrid!Reader, mentions of trauma, Reader isn't cute & cuddly in this at all, manhandling (not the spicy kind), sort of brat-tamer Jungkook but not in the kinky way if that makes sense? This is about four years AFTER the Prelude chapter!, slight angst, okay it's actually not slight, mentioned attempted violence against mc, mentioned panic attack, fluff, slightly suggestive towards the end but overall SFW

Length: 3.4k words

There is no taglist for this fic.

A/N: Have you forgotten about this because I didn't

-> Masterlist

⋅ ⋅ ── ⋅ ⋅ ── ⋅ ⋅ ── ⋅ ⋅ ── ⋅ ⋅ ── ⋅ ⋅ ── ⋅ ⋅ ── ⋅ ⋅ ── ⋅ ⋅

He remembers the day he'd made it public. Not only the fact that he had you, was living with you, legally.. well, owned you-

But that he was also in a relationship with you.

Jungkook remembers the immense wave of both support and hate clashing against one another, both sides aggressively trying to win a fight that was never theirs to fight to begin with. No one ever really pushed against or with him- it had always been about you. Fans trying to shelter and protect you, others attempting to use your past against you, slandering you or even attempting to scare you away from him.

From online threats against your safety, birthday projects all over the world to people actually attempting real life harm against you on airports, and others making signs specifically about loving you to hold up during concerts.

It's a constant push and pull- but after four years now, fans had to pretty much accept the fact that you existed and had this connection to him, or stay in their delusions and theories as to why it cannot be true.

It's like it's gotten simply boring. Old news.

He's kept you at his side, safe and sound, through all these years. Doesn't hide you when he's live, or outside, or taking the plane, or filming. You're a part of his life, and he doesn't ever attempt to keep you hidden. And neither does he ever want to back down and give anyone reason to think that he's not taking you seriously- neither as someone to love, nor as someone to keep safe.

He will do both, fully. Love you, and protect you.

Jungkook is currently live, talking to fans while you're on the couch next to him, tired but unable to sleep yet because it's something you've developed ever since staying with him. It's kind of his own fault- bad timing of him leaving the apartment every time you'd sleep making you wary of leaving him out of sight even to this day. He feels bad for it- but you're both working on that these days.

He doesn't want you to believe that he'd ever leave you alone.

"Is that foxy? Yes, she's right here!" He grins, leaning back a little to teasingly pull one of your ears into frame, showing that you're halfway laying on his lap. It makes some people upset in the chat, but most find it cute. "She doesn't sleep well alone, when I don't sleep she doesn't either." He explains to the fans watching. "Which is.. my fault, I kind of messed that up, but we're working on it." He nods, leaning back forwards to read the chat. "Calvin Klein? Huh?" He wonders why he reads the name of the brand in the chat considering he himself is wearing a simple white nike shirt- before he turns around, spotting you climbing over the back of the couch, seam of your pale purple underwear displaying the brand name. "Ah, yes! We got sent some stuff from their hybrid collection. Looks really pretty!" He smirks teasingly into the Chat, and he knows his management is probably holding their heads again in agony- so he can't help but make them mad just a little more, by reaching out behind him to smack your butt once, earning a squeak from your end and a wave of emojis in the chat.

They can't do much against his relationship or you, but that doesn't mean that they like it when he talks so easily and openly about it like this, or even dares to show public displays of affection towards you. He's not supposed to.

He does it anyways.

"Calvin Klein shooting when? Ah~!" He laughs, leaning back with arms crossed. "I'm not sure if I'd be happy with others seeing her in underwear." He jokes, though there's a hint of truth in it. He's painfully possessive over you- he doesn't like you even just playing around with the other members, for example, does everything for you before anyone else could offer. He doesn't like it when you're being taken care of by others, and he knows that's a bit childish. "But maybe normal clothes. Who knows. Maybe one day." He shrugs and reads the chat that asks him what you're doing- so he turns around to check on you in the kitchen-

Instantly jumping up over the back of the couch to run to you.

"Hey hey hey, no climbing that!" He scolds on his way, pulling you down from the counter before setting you down. "What did you want?" He asks, getting the bowl from the higher shelf for you before teasingly pulling your tail. "Don't do that again, yeah?" He shakes his head as he walks back to the couch, sitting in front of the camera again. "What happened? Ah, she couldn't reach something and climbed on the counter. But she could get hurt, so I don't like it." He explains. "Why? Ah, she doesn't do it usually!" He waves off. "She really doesn't. She's just having an episode these days, so she's a bit more trouble than normal." He says, trying to laugh it off- quickly changing topic.

He doesn't want anyone to really dwell on the fact that the most recent airport accident had sent you into an episode of all things.

Episodes in hybrids can vary in severity. Yours is a pretty serious one- it's been more than 24-hours since the airport incident, and yet you're still quiet, you're still regressing, and most of all- still terribly jumpy, as if you're right back to square one when he'd first brought you home, just ten times worse.

He'd been caught off guard this time. The same as security. No one saw it coming.

The airport had been crowded from the start, which had been normal. It's not unusual for him to draw in a large crowd- you never changed anything about that at the end of the day, if anything, you just increased it with many hybrids becoming fans of you, begging their owners to take them to the airports and other places where they could garner a glimpse of you. But this time, a crazed 'fan' had slipped through security, had grabbed after you- acrylic nails scratching hard on your arm, drawing blood and making you panic, as she yelled in a language he couldn't understand fully at you, hand raised to strike.

Jungkook had barely managed to pull you close, dash towards the car with security suddenly on highest alert, until you both had reached and entered the car.

He will never forget the sight of you, terrified, scrambling to crawl over the backseats, trying to get into the trunk area instead because in that moment, everyone had been an enemy in your eyes.

Him included.

It took him more than half an hour to get through to you, reassuring you enough with his strong hold and scent to push through the fog in your mind, and make you remember that he is safe. He's your person. He's to be trusted. And he's not mad at you for biting him in that moment whatsoever.

You'd thrown up the moment you'd entered the apartment due to the stress, before you shamefully hid in the furthest corner of the shower, cowering in panic, body trembling still.

Jungkook had wanted to cry so badly while the guilt crawled up his neck. Instead, he'd given you space, and had instead called a doctor to schedule an appointment asap for today, and one home visit later, you're all bandaged up and medicated to help your anxiety until you're able to think straight again.

He doesn't like that it has to be like that. But he understands that it's all that can be done to at least make your episode a bit more manageable and comfortable.

"Yeah, I'm gonna take some days off. I actually wanted to anyways, it's not just because of what happened, so don't worry." He reassures the fans concerned over your well-being- probably mostly because of the official statement from his company, which also announced his short hiatus from all activities, and a sharp increase in security measures moving forward. You simply crawl over his lap to lay down lazily, tail smacking around, your impatience the result of lack of attention. "Is she okay? Yeah, she has been prescribed some medication, she is okay." He offers, before he changes the topic again for a moment, until he can finally find a good opportunity to end the livestream.

The moment he does, he leans back, tension leaving his body as he watches you turn your head towards him. You've not said a word since the airport- and your gaze is hazy, not quite there.

He feels guilty just looking at you.

"I won't let that happen ever again." He promises, a hand on your head gently petting your ears. "I'll protect you more seriously." He mumbles, and you just watch him, happy to gain his attention even if you've got no idea what he's saying. Right now, you can't really comprehend anything- neither time, nor words, nor anything else.

You just exist, healing in silence it seems like.

And that's fine with him, as long as you'll be okay.

⋅ ⋅ ── ⋅ ⋅ ── ⋅ ⋅ ── ⋅ ⋅ ── ⋅ ⋅ ── ⋅ ⋅ ── ⋅ ⋅ ── ⋅ ⋅ ── ⋅ ⋅

You're biting on his curled up finger, while he laughs and wiggles your head around with it, no pain whatsoever in your bites.

You do that, occasionally, even when 'normal'. Though in that state, you typically recoil from your own actions, feeling bad for them even with his patient attempts at reassuring you that it's fine with him. But like this, still in your episode, you're a lot more open with what you're usually hiding when it comes to your natural hybrid behavior.

Love bites. That's what Jungkook calls them.

You bite his arm randomly when he stops paying attention to the movie you're supposed to watch together. You bite his neck whenever you cuddle, tangled up limbs and careful nips on his skin, well aware you shouldn't mark him up- even though he wouldn't complain. You bite after his hands when he tries to feed you stuff, though his reflexes tend to be better. And you bite at his clothes and pillows and toys- those you have a tight hold on though, testing his strength every single time.

He doesn't mind any of those things. He knew what you'd be like right from the start.

Your mind is slowly clearing up a bit, the second day into your episode- though it seems like you're still hiding away behind your hybrid behavior, taking your time to properly heal and collect yourself again before facing reality. And he's fine with that.

You can take as much time as you need and want.

He's brushing your hair for you while you sit on his lap, still tired form having just woken up. He can't really leave you alone like this- and you also still need to go to your regularly scheduled appointments to make sure you're recovering physically and mentally. Last checkup they've found some growing bruises near your hip, probably from the car door having accidentally swung into you in all the frenzy, and because you can't really tell anyone how you're feeling right now, everyone including Jungkook is being a little extra careful.

Though he can't say he doesn't enjoy moments like these, where he's truly got you all to himself.

He's opening a pack of wet wipes specifically for hybrid features, and you automatically move to lay your head in his lap as he cleans your ears for you- something back then, the shelter had told him to teach you to do yourself first things first since you hated having it done with a passion, but he's never had any problems with you. Sure, you can be a brat-

But you always have somewhat of a reason for lashing out if it happens, down the line. And he's learned to take a step back and look for that reason first and foremost, before judging or scolding you.

You wiggle around a little bit as he finishes up, putting everything away before he lets you go to lay down somewhere near the windows on a mattress he'd laid out. He chuckles as he walks back inside the living room, holding out your collar towards you, and his heart breaks a little when your ears clearly droop, probably still scared of leaving the apartment. "I know, but we have an appointment today that has to happen at the doctor's." He gently speaks, squatting down to where you're stubbornly rolling away from him, shielding your neck so he can't put your collar on. He clicks his tongue, carefully putting the collar down into his lap before he pulls your wrists away from your neck. "Baby please. I promise you, no one will ever hurt you again as long as I'm with you, okay?" He presses on, and at that, he can see your ears turn towards him, before you slowly give in to his hands pulling yours down.

He carefully places the simple velvet collar around your neck, both an Identification mark and a Yellow mark with the words 'Caution; Nervous' on it. He's received it from the doctor that checked up on you right after your episode had started- and he feels awful that you have to wear it like this.

But he'll do anything to make sure you're safe.

"…kook?" you ask, and he immediately perks up at hearing you speak again, arms open to let you crawl into his lap. "M' scared." You admit, and he nods.

"I know." He agrees, because he really does know that you're still fearful. It's only natural after what had happened. "But I'll do anything to keep you safe. You trust me?" He asks, and after a moment of thinking-

You nod into his chest, making him feel unbelievably proud of himself.

He won't let it go to waste.

⋅ ⋅ ── ⋅ ⋅ ── ⋅ ⋅ ── ⋅ ⋅ ── ⋅ ⋅ ── ⋅ ⋅ ── ⋅ ⋅ ── ⋅ ⋅ ── ⋅ ⋅

It's been a week, and Jungkook has to admit- he's never been happier that you're back to your old, chaotic self.

"You know you're in trouble." He states, holding up one of his sweaters-

The strings of the hood all chewed up, clearly because of you. You're just sitting on the floor on a random pillow, tail wagging, as if you're proud of your work. "People keep staring at you!" You complain, huffing in anger as you cross your arms. "You need my scent on you, so they know you're taken!" You say, and he sighs, shaking his head.

"It's not like I'm gonna wear this with those strings still in place anyways." He tells you, and you seem to become even more frustrated now. "In fact, I'm not really wearing anything top-wise in the most recent photoshoots-" He says, and suddenly, you get up, and dash past him, your shoulder hitting his body as you push towards your room- But he doesn't want you to just lock yourself in and 'sleep it off' like you always do. He wants you to explode into his face like this- he needs you to be honest for once. "No, you'll stay right here." He tells you, but you shake your head, trying to claw his hand from your arm.

"I don't want to!" You bark at him, now simply letting yourself drop down, hanging limp from his grip, and he just watches how you throw your little tantrum. "Let me go!" You hiss up at him, but he just takes in a deep breath, and continues to hold you.

"No." He denies. "And I can do this all day long, you know?" He shrugs, dragging you over the floor by your arm into the kitchen to get some water out the fridge.

And even as he can see your eyes start to tear up, he doesn't budge.

"You know, I'd really like to help you." He sighs, sitting down on the floor close to you. "I hate seeing you cry."

"Then let me go!" You try again, but he shakes his head.

"I won't." He denies once more. "I told you that's not how it works. Over and over again." He reminds you, his grip softening a bit. "I need you to talk to me, not just bottle things up and shove them into a corner inside your head." Jungkook complains, and you deflate at that.

"I don't like that.. no one takes me seriously." You say, and he tilts his head a bit in question. "People act like.. like I'm not even there." You say quietly, and he's unsure what you mean.

"What are you talking about baby?" He wonders, helping you sit on his lap, legs over his thighs wrapped around him just like your arms. "Many people love you. And by now, almost everyone knows you too." he reminds you, but you shake your head.

"They know me as your hybrid." You say, in a defeated manner. "But people don't see me as.. you know.. your mate." You complain into his shoulder, and at that he hums to himself, seeing the issue finally reveal itself.

"You're jealous?" He wonders, and you shrug.

"Sometimes." You admit. "When.. people how well this or that.. famous person fits you, you know." You finally say honestly. "And the worst is that they're often right. You do look nice with a pretty actress maybe, or-" You begin to rant, when a hand runs over your back, up and down.

"Mark me." He tells you, and you freeze.

"What?" You wonder, leaning away to properly look at him. But he just smiles, teasingly almost, and leans his head to the side a little.

"You heard me." He chuckles. "Wherever you want. Mark me up." He shrugs.

"But.. I'm not allowed." You shake your head, unsure if you understand him correctly. "I'm not supposed to."

"I do it all the time to you, don't I?" He asks, and you nod, a little shy now. "So? Only fair if you get to do it too. I'm sorry I didn't realize how.. that must've felt like to you, the fact that I always told you not to do it." He offers, a hand running over your tail.

"But they'll get angry at you-" You remind him, and he still denies it, instead leaning in to peck your lips once. You huff at that, even after the second, the third- but the fourth is when you melt, join in, and let yourself be swepped away by his love.

Jungkook knows best, you remind yourself. He knows what he can and can't do. He'll manage that.

You're mouthing at his neck on instinct, careful still- before you actually do end up biting and marking him, the evidence of this staying even the next day and the day after, causing his management to scold him numerous times- all of them Jungkook simply lets wash over him, not really taking it to heart.

He loves you, and therefore things like these are simply normal. They shouldn't be forbidden. He's not a child anymore.

And, at the end of the day, he doesn't need the fame, or money, or anything else.

He only needs you.

[antimony-medusa]

I just have vauge thoughts about Fandom, and Creator Notices, and Boundaries, and I'm just gonna ramble for a second here.

Okay, so you end up really liking a show or event to the point that you want to make something for it, generally you want to show it off. You want to share it with other people who like the show or event, and have them go !!!!!!!. That's fun, that's normal. We all want to be enthusiastic about [show/event] together. That's our starting point.

Enter social media and official actor/streamer/writer accounts.

Now fan artists, a good portion of the time, can make their art and then thanks to the wonders of social media, they can go straight up to the actual people who made the show and show their art, and have them go !!!!, and get the actual creators to like it. Maybe not if they're drawing hard gore or NSFW, but if you're drawing a soft canon family moment, or a cyberpunk au, or behind the scenes look illuminated, or kick-ass character design, you can get a creator notice.

Fan writers, by and large, do not get creator notices. This is because looking at art takes two seconds, and reading a fic takes between ten minutes to ten hours. Creators can be out there scrolling art in a way that most of them, frankly, do not have the time to devote to Ao3 searches sorted by kudos. And I think among writers there's a little bit of a sense that that's unfair, and writing is just as much as art as visual art is, so we should be getting creator notices, and we should all act as though we might get a creator notice at any time. On all platforms. Cause what we're doing is real art, right? And we all saw the art get retweeted?

And this sense that creator notices— cause we've all seen them happen with art— spreads until we all think that they could happen at any time. Thanks to the wonders of social media. And very rapidly, the "you can get a creator notice" turns into "the highest honour is a creator notice", and we're all gunning for that, and you SHOULD be gunning for that. You should be looking for the creator to weigh in on your art. You should make sure that there's nothing in your work that the creator doesn't like. If you're an artist, you shouldn't be playing with gender in your art, or draw them being tortured, or anythign NSFW, and if you're a writer, you need to make sure that you don't have anything "weird" in your writing. In practice, let's be honest, this just turns into demonizing NSFW work and saying that anything we don't like is NSFW. Looking at you the "you can't draw the streamers with boobs" discourse.

Anyways, I think going after creator notices is a bad idea for many reasons— a, let them rest, b, bad atmosphere for the fandom, c, let's be honest, an awful lot of fandom stuff is weird from the outside. Let it stay in the fandom.

First thing is like, there are only so many hours in a day. Fan artists can tag their people but it's SO much of a huge and rude demand on someone's time to ask them to read your fic and tell you if it's good. That's the request you make cautiously to your beta reader, and then everybody else on this planet earth gets to opt in to your work. Do not TTS stories to people, do not hand them copies at cons, like— if they want to find it they can find it.

Second thing, creator notices hovering over the fandom like a sword is not a good attitude for creativity. Fan work is supposed to be transformative, it's about taking the original work and going "oh but what if they didn't die" and "what if they lived in space" and "what if they were a family" and "what if they kissed". Gunning towards a creator notice at all times takes you from an independent person following your creativity to a contractor working under someone else's vision. All the time.

Trying to adhere to the source material isn't bad in essence, there's a spectrum of "how do you feel about canon" in fan work that ranges from "trying to hit all the same beats just with a twist" to straight up adversarial attacks, and all of that is fine and part of what fan works are. But if the only stuff that gets written is the stuff that we think the creator would approve of, a) that's stifling to both creativity and people who have an adversarial relationship with canon, you shouldn't start to be branded as "weird within the fandom" cause you're mad at a plot arc b) you very rapidly run into the issue where you're adhering to someone else's morals, and sometimes you don't agree with random person's morals. Anne McCaffrey famously said that fan works were okay as long as you didn't make any of the dragon riders gay. I guesture at you about that. Sometimes a creator is way more comfortable with NSFW stuff than you are, that doesn't mean you should feel forced to make NSFW stuff for their approval! You shouldn't have to 100% agree with someone's vision for an art piece to be able to roll up and go "yes but I think there should be like 50% more evicerations in here" and acting like the creators are the ultimate authority in fan spaces is a bad atmosphere for making fan works.

Sure, absolutely, showrunners get to decide canon. But the whole point of fandom is that sometimes I have a better vision for my story, and maybe I don't want to think about what the creator says at all. If I'm not gunning for the creator's approval, let me stay in my little circle with the creator blocked and adding more pregnancy to the QSMP, or whatever. Follow your bliss.

Third thing, like, okay. There has been a move in fan circles, and especially in mcyt circles, to say that if we just cut the NSFW stuff out, everything we're doing isn't weird, and the creators can look at it. I honestly think this is a failure of both imagination and perspective.

If you have written someone being vivisected, it's gonna be a trifle weird for the actor of that someone to come into contact with that. It is doubly weird if you're depicting a character who shares the same name as the actor. Is it bad to write the vivisection? No, this is fandom, we get to do terrible things to characters here, and that's not for the actors, that's for the audience of two hundred people who saw the words "Schlackity vivisection cannibalism necromancy" and said "clear my schedule, I know what I'm doing tonight". Awesome, continue with the gore.

And like, again, this isn't just NSFW. You can have something that is the fluffiest most platonic story in the world, and I'm saying look at me, look at me honestly, consider this; isn't it going to be just a little bit weird for a grown-ass man to open up a story where they've been aged down to four years old and they're lost and sad and their friends are their family and rescue them and there's cuddling and petting and snackies and pet names and they get their blanket and suck their thumb and take a nap. Look me in the eye and tell me that's not gonna be weird for an adult to read that about their character who shares their name. Okay? We're all on the same page here? Awesome. Is it bad to write kidfic? No. Kidfic rocks. I am your target audience, I am clicking through. I am leaving a keysmash comment. It is also, like, look at me here, focus— it's weird if you're outside the fandom. Platonic? Yes. for the actors/streamers? No. And that's because it's not FOR outsiders to the fandom, it's for the fandom. It's for people who rotate the characters so much that they go 'wouldn't it be sooooo cute if they were babies wouldn't it be adorable', it's not for the actual guys who had a meeting with an accountant today.

MCYT in particular has a horrible practice of saying that because everything has to be for the streamers, nothing can be NSFW unless they've approved it specifically, but somehow everything else is cool? I cannot express to you how much stuff I've read and enjoyed that even the smallest amount of thinking about should let you know that we keep that stuff away from the guys driving the block men around. Fine to write it, I say again, go for it. Please completely divorce yourself of the idea of a creator notice for it at the same time.

Should we show the streamers porn? No. We also should not show the streamers the thing where they're physically abusive parents of their friends. We should not show them the stuff where they're babies. We should not show them things where they're bigots. We should not show them things where they have hybrid instincts that tell them to kidnap someone. Really not sure about showing them a story where they're a cop who takes bribes. Like come on now. Really, as soon as you diverge from canon you're getting into stuff that's probably going to be weird for the crdeators. And that's why again, we don't show it to them, because it shouldn't be for them, it should be for the other people who are like "oh you're doing something fun with the character there, awesome" and click through. Weird for the creators, because it's for us.

Fandom should not be for for the creators. We can make stuff for the creators ocassionally, but I really think it's healthier for the fandom, and probably a lot less weird for the actors/streamers/writers, if we stop acting like what we make is all for them and should be shown to them. Some of it is just for us! That's fine! Make it for the people who have an rss feed for "autistic technoblade" on Ao3! Make it for the people who show up in your inbox asking about your "Philza gets arranged married to a different QSMP guy every week" au! ! Make it for the people who have three spellings of "charlie slimecicle" followed on Tumblr! Make it for the people making helsmit fancams! Make it for the fifteen people who suscribed to you after you posted that fic about the various wilbur bursonas kissing each other! Make it for the people who have Puffychu art saved to their phones! Make it for the fandom!

Leave the creators alone, make the fandom for the fans.

[olderthannetfic]

Something that's always stuck with me is Stitch's followers dogpiling me for writing a Jewish Star Wars AU. Basically it was an AU where Finn was space Moses, the last of a noble Force-sensitive family who made sure he survived the destruction of their planet, and when his Force abilities awakened he went on to fight to free the other Stormtroopers. Stitch didn't like that I went in a Finn/Hux direction wherein Hux was a double agent embedded deep in the First Order, sabotaging it from the inside.

I was called a Nazi. I'm Jewish. I was called anti-black. I'm Beta Israeli, black and Ethiopian-American and proud. I was called a Pick Me POC, I was sent pictures of starving Ethiopian children, I was sent Holocaust pictures, people flooded my comments on AO3 - this was before it had a block feature - and even after I deleted my tumblr the hate bled over onto my other social media accounts. I was called slurs, I was told I should've starved to death, people told me my "Jew money" wouldn't buy off people this time, and I got hit by enough people calling me a monster, a bad person, etc. that I took the story down just to escape them.

Stitch only mentioned me once. Just once.

I think the real issue they have with AO3 is that at any point you can be blocked, comments can be turned off, people can find themselves unable to keep clawing at you again and again. You can make it so they have to be logged in to send their threats and then you can report them. They can dogpile "bad" fans all they want, but there are consequences for their actions. I was 14 then and easily intimidated. Many people on AO3 are not either of those things. You can't harass them off their own platform. And when you try, you end up being booted off of it instead.

The real reason Stitch doesn't like AO3 is that it's designed to protect authors, including "Pick Me POC" and "POC TOO" (get it, it's funny because it's like #MeToo, Stitch is oh so hilarious). It protects those of us who are neither white nor onboard with all of Stitch's opinions and, more broadly, not onboard with purity culture, respectability politics and people's demands that you change your content to match their idea of what a respectable fictional story looks like.

This is not about racism. It's about kicking people who are "wrong" aka write anything they don't like off of AO3 for pure, morally good, self-righteous reasons that they tell themselves make them not the bullies here. It's about control. They want you to do what they want or leave.

I've been rewriting my old fic and I'm planning on putting it back up sometime this year.

No, antis, you don't get to bully black people off of AO3 and call yourselves anti-racist and act like you're moral guardians. To be a moral guardian, you'd need some morals. If you don't like the site's policies, get off of it. I am entitled to my space on AO3 just as much as anyone else. I am not Less Than, and the fact that my own people were the ones telling me I was has permanently made me suspicious of alleged anti-racism campaigns in fandom. I know who these people are when they know there won't be consequences for their actions and they're not people I'd trust to run a bake sale, let alone a fandom archive.

--

Yikes! That's quite an experience for a 14-year-old!

[chaos-of-the-abyss]

as someone who has read your fics a lot (big fan hiiiii) and your tags (they're like easter eggs), i am now so curious about your controversial opinions and takes that piss you off because, i mean, i don't want to make a big deal out of it, but you seem to change your opinion on certain characters now hehehe

hi anon! thank you for reading my fics and the nonstop rambling in my tags, haha. i hope you have fun with them! i'm going to assume this is about the silm fandom because i've been rolling out the tolkien posts lately. i couldn't possibly go into all my controversial opinions or all the takes that i hate in one post, but since you're asking i'll give three of each. i'm gonna stick with things i haven't talked much about on this blog, because there are lots of opinions and takes (i.e. blaming thingol/b&l/dior/elwing for the kinslayings, claiming elrond and elros think of maedhros and maglor as their Real Parents, etc.) that i've already made my thoughts on abundantly clear, lol

controversial opinion #1: i don't think tolkien intended this to be the case, but the noldor have uncomfortably colonial overtones in their expressed intentions for middle-earth: 'long he spoke, and ever he urged the noldor to follow him and by their own prowess to win freedom and great realms in the lands of the east' / 'the words of feanor concerning middle-earth had kindled in her heart, for she yearned to see the wide unguarded lands and to rule there a realm at her own will. of like mind with galadriel was fingon fingolfin's son, being moved also by feanor's words, [...] and with fingon stood as they ever did angrod and aegnor, sons of finarfin.' these are finwe's family, his son and his grandchildren. there is no way they aren't aware that elves already inhabit beleriand, yet they express zero consideration for what said elves' opinions might be on their sudden arrival and claiming of the land. it is... a Bad Look

controversial opinion #2: according to the narrative, the sons of feanor lost their right to the silmarils. regardless of who agrees or disagrees, that's what the text posits. the silmarils burned morgoth. they didn't burn beren, didn't burn luthien, didn't burn dior, didn't burn elwing, didn't burn earendil, and didn't burn eonwe. they burned maedhros and maglor

controversial opinion #3: eol is not unreasonable for his low opinion of the noldor. eol is unreasonable for almost everything else about him -- he attempted filicide, is at best a creepy stalker and at worst a rapist (aredhel was not "wholly unwilling"... wdym tolkien explain tolkien what do you mean she was not wholly unwilling), and he accidentally murders his own wife while trying to murder his son. like wow, pick a way to be a terrible person. these quotes though -- "all this land is the land of the teleri, and i will not deal nor have my son deal with the slayers of our kin, the invaders and usurpers of our homes" / "no right have you or any of your kin in this land to seize realms or to set bounds, either here or there." -- he's not wrong about the highlighted portions and he has every right to dislike the noldor for the points he brings up. (though he is wrong for believing the noldor are at fault for morgoth, since morgoth would have come knocking with or without them.)

okay now on to the takes that piss me off!

stupid take #1: that thingol and doriath were bigoted assholes that turn away refugees for not letting aredhel pass through. this was not a very nice thing for them to do, obviously, but equating it with a case of refusing refugees is ridiculous. to begin with, the iathrim and the noldor (save maybe for the nargothrondim, whose king -- finrod -- has a respectful relationship with thingol) do not have the best relations with each other, which is hardly just doriath's fault. then aredhel, one of the noldo whom the iathrim have tensions with, wants to travel through their kingdom to visit her cousin, another one of the noldo whom the iathrim have tensions with. (the worst tensions with, in fact, as thingol is markedly, and rightfully, more disdainful towards the sons of feanor in particular.) why is it so unreasonable that this would not go over well? the iathrim didn't force her to go the way she did either; in fact they explicitly warn her that that road is "the speediest way," but that it is "perilous". she had other options and she decided to go with the one that was reportedly dangerous. and on top of it all, aredhel is not in the same dire situation as actual refugees. turgon would have given her ample supplies for the journey since he was already so remiss to her leaving in the first place, plus he gives her "three lords of his household" as guards/companions. how come this instance, which is not a case that concerns refugees, is treated by some people as sure evidence of thingol's isolationism and "racism" towards the noldor, while an explicit instance where he does accept actual -- noldorin!! -- refugees is swept under the rug? oh wait i know. because this fandom loves making doriath into this discriminatory, uniquely nationalist kingdom that it canonically is not. if you want isolationism, gondolin is right there

stupid take #2: that luthien's victories over sauron and morgoth are proof that she's a mary sue. tolkien calling her "luthien the mere maiden" is annoying, but more accurate than the complaints about her being op. she doesn't even fight either of them. with sauron he jumps at her and radiates so much Hatred that she faints, but she manages to cover his eyes with her cloak and make him sleepy for a moment. huan takes the opportunity to jump in and they start fighting. with morgoth, her disguise doesn't work on him. instead she uses his arrogance and lust to her advantage, bides her time, then seizes the opportunity to put him to sleep with her cloak. and when he stirs, she and beren run for their lives in terror! when people say luthien winning against sauron and morgoth is plot armor, what they really mean is that their faves don't have the guts she has to go up against extreme odds and the brains to effectively use what she has going for her to her greatest benefit ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

stupid take #3: that luthien cast an enchantment on celegorm to make him lust after her. or even anything adjacent like luthien's maia blood enchanted celegorm though she wasn't doing it intentionally. not even going to bother debunking this kind of thing because it's a genuinely braindead take that reeks of misogyny, victim-blaming, and desperate whitewashing. fuck all the way off

i get the feeling you're talking about the sons of feanor on that part about changing my opinion on certain characters? which you'd be right about, the fandom has majorly turned me off from them. they used to be nearly the center of my interest in the silmarillion and its events, and now, while i still like them as they are in the story, i barely look at fandom content of them because the apologism is extreme and ridiculous. also funnily enough, my ranking of the individuals within the blanket of "the feanorians" has shuffled a lot too. maedhros and maglor used to be my favorite, now i've had enough maedhros and maglor to last me... maybe not a lifetime, but a good long while. (i dipped out of the tolkien fandom about two/three years ago, which was the time i got tired of m&m content. to this day i'm still tired of them.) and celegorm, the piece of shit that he is, used to be among my least favorite and now somehow shot his way up to my favorite <3 he's ambitious. he's charismatic. he's impulsive and arrogant. he's a wreck. he's funny. he's the absolute worst. love him

[autisticlancemcclain]

fic rec friday 37

hello and welcome to fic rec friday! where, on friday, i rec five of my favourite fics.

1. Fade to Black by @yokohogawa

Things between Keith and Lance are changing but Keith is restless, especially with Shiro still weak, and ends up taking a bad decision: he leaves Lance alone in the Castle with a Lion he cannot pilot. Unable to form Voltron without the newly appointed Red Paladin, the four Paladins left struggle against the sudden attack of a Galra ship and later on take damage from the explosion of a star in close proximity. Lance, on the other end, is left to defend the Castle by himself and has little time to succeed: without energy, the Lions have only 6 hours of breathable air. Beyond that point, his friends will be dead.

okay yes technically this series is unfinished. HOWEVER the first two works ARE finished, and they are amazing showstopping incredible etc. tbh im not much of a black paladin lance fan, i genuinely think solo leadership is not what he is suited for, but this fic made me way more open to it. the way he handled severe crises was as fear stricken as it was awe inspiring highly recommend

2. once again i am a child by @lilaclavenders

“You’re not a spare tyre,” Adam interjects.  “I know that,” Lance says, too unsure to sound completely defensive.   “That almost sounded like a question.” “No... it didn’t,” Lance says.

Lance and Adam talk.

i have always been a fan of lance and adam even tho its the most evidence lacking fanon thing in this fandom. its truly just so interesting. and to have lance as a young cadet getting slammed so badly just in so many different directions being given at least one grownup in his corner...its a good read.

3. Lance the language man by @irish-vampire-blog

Lance didn't really try to learn a language. He just, kind of, picks up the basics and then works from there. Its usually unintentional. Ish.

He isn't stupid though. He isn't an idiot. He just isn't the same kind of smart as his friends are.

this kind of smart for lance is so REAL bc no he cannot do like quantum physics or whatever probably but the way he seems to have a pretty innate ability to successfully do many things that he tries. he just can u know?? thats the autism with the gay audacity i would imagine but i love seeing fics like this

4. my boyfriend's back (and you're gonna get in trouble) by teacupfulofbrains

hey la, hey la, my boyfriend's back

Keith Kogane has never heard of Vine. Lance McClain takes personal offense to this, and makes it his personal mission to teach his boyfriend to meme. Keith is confused, mostly.

(OR: several instances of Keith not getting the meme™ and two times he did)

I LOVE THIS FIC SO BAD I CANT BELIEVE I HAVENT RECCED IT BEFORE. yes i am a cringe zillenial who still finds vine funny and quotes it on the internet but truly idc idc. this fic is funny. this fic is cute. established klance my love and light. also keith comparing lances eyes to the star of bombay is some of the gayest shit ever and also the only time i will entertain blue eyed lance

5. The Most Dangerous Thing is to Love by running_downn

Last time something like this happened to Lance, Keith wasn’t there. He’d thought he would have been able to do something if he had been there, or at least if he was, the guilt wouldn’t be so heavy on his chest. But this time he was there. He was right fucking there and he decided that it was infinitly worse.

~

Basically there's a new threat after the Galra and it almost kills Lance. Desperate making out ensues, but it's okay to recognize when it's not the right time for it. Keith cries a lot cause he's older and grizzled and therefore not as emotionally stunted.

green sock reality? team still out fighting as adults and lance isn’t a fucking farmer while the rest of the team isn’t? keith’s abandonment issues treated with respect and dignity and also the acknowledgement that he’s older and therefore mature enough to handle those issues in a way that doesn’t risk a relationship that is important to him? lance understanding all this and using the supportive nature he is known for??? yes yes yes. stellar fic that should have way more hits than it does

that’s it for today!! i’ll see y’all back next friday for the next fic rec post!!!

[arson-09]

How people are trying to change fandom (the rise of hatred against non-canon media)

This was inspired by the rise of backlash against the "Rhysta" ship.

Traditionally throughout the history of fandom spaces on social media, a very important factor has been creativity of course. Art and Fics by fans being the backbone of a fandom. Including non-canon ships, Aus, etc. And of course there was drama (when is there not drama?) BUT there wasn't as much hate because there was an understanding that it's not REAL. People in fandoms understood creativity and thinking outside the box (canon)

But something interesting happened in 2020 with the pandemic, people who weren't apart of fandom spaces started joining cause what else were you going to do? but there started the divide. These people wouldn't have joined fandoms originally because they didn't have that sort of creativity. Which isn't a bad or negative thing, everyone is different and that what makes the world go around, but these people were not used to fandom spaces and that divergency. To them, things have to be how it was written and non-canon things, ships or au's that can't hurt you or become canon, were blasphemous. Because why change the foundation if you liked the original media? this also ties into the "why do you read or interact with this media?" questions when people engage with media in their own way even if they dislike the majority of it. which is valid to do, I do it personally with acotar. I dislike the majority of acotar from the way it's written to lots of the characters, but I interact with a certain subset of the fandom that shares a love for the same characters as I.

But these people, these mostly neurotypical, TikTok people, intrude into these safe creative spaces and cause a ruckus over non-canon Aus and ships. for no reason! Ships like Rhysta are harmless, of course people who make and consume this media don't think it's going to be real, and that's the misconception! Making and consuming non-canon media doesn't mean you think it's going to happen or want it to happen, it's just existing. existing for the sake of existing and stretching creative muscles. You can't grow as an artist if you do not break from the mold, from the restraints of canon.

What you are doing by constantly harassing and posting shit about non-canon media is showing you lack a fundamental understanding of Fandom. Policing what people do is a fruitless endeavor. of course, calling out actually problematic creators is okay, when what they're doing is actually harmful and not them being creative or God forbid, a little weird.

There has been and still needs to be respect in the places. Filtering tags for things that upset you and blocking creators you disagree with is key to being someone people will actually listen to and respect. If you refuse to do that, no one you harass, or attack will take you seriously. and maybe that's not your objective but that means you're going to be blocked on main and made fun of. And this segment is somewhat targeted at someone who has been consistently harassing my mutuals, but I've seen so many people like this and it's a real issue. And its such an issue in Booktok popular books and shows, and media that becomes popular with the masses.

Fandom spaces aren't meant to follow canon to a T. People will have non-canon ships, opinions on how they think the series should have gone, opinions on characters, etc. Constantly harassing and targeting creators won't change that.

I know this won't stop this behavior, it will continue to happen but it's been bothering me and maybe this will change some people's minds on how they interact with the media they like, and they hate.

I love rhysta, I think that the dynamic is very interesting and that people are free to explore that and say whatever they want about how it could have gone in canon. None of that means i think its going to happen or that it should. Lord, people are just having fun. Like they should in fandom places.

[thattimdrakeguy]

anything i see anything new on dc's bat-family it makes me wanna scream "WHAT THE FUCK'S THE MATTER WITH YA" and go after them yelling "FUCK OFF"

(not that bad actually. i'm pretty chill inside most of the time. i'm not what i used to be. a lot of it is performative, but a luke warm attitude towards something you have to say doesn't invoke passion, or anythign exciting that'd make anyone want to read it. not that many do anyways)

so many years of this and none of them get better. it's like it's trying to be pathetic

all those years of things you can research to be sure you get it right, and you fuckers couldn't be arsed to get your ass in gear and make sure all these fans that left have something to go back to?

now this dc server discord. my gosh, i don't think we're seeing the blue skies again. they're catering to a small pond of people, a wee group consisting of those that read panels, and pal around with fan fics and mash-ups that they created and pondered

not the stuff that had plenty of real people going out to the shops and ordering comics, that made them have a love and respect for the medium to the point they were fine calling themselves a fan back when it wasn't right in a cool kind of way in the eyes of many

now they're comics, it's not that serious. whoc ares that much in the end

and i guess i'll never seem like i'm not overreacting a touch

but comics used to tell stories that attached themselves to people's hearts and made them be seen and held, like finally i got something that i respond to

now it's who can rip off the fandom the best, and it's so easy to get content of the same marginal quality on AO3, and fan comics that don't need to blessing of bastard DC Comics

it's sensational the passion people can have despite that, whether or not it's for me. but all those hundreds of thousands of people missing a piece of their prior enjoyment because the 5 stan opinions repeated at nauseum is all anyone important at the writers station (not a real thing, i just mean writers) at the company is making them thing "ah yes, we're doing all right by them"

no you didn't, fucker, you scared the rest away with all the nonsense

now if you want more money you gotta try to earn them back

they think it's hopeless and practically pointless because comics are a dying medium, but they don't have to be. i'm sure it'll never to go back to what it once was, but you can still at least try to have a legacy as a writer that means something to people

when we used to have guys back in the day that could go and fuck around writing stories about peter parker's love life that didn't have much action that you would think the typical reader would desire, that could still effect someone in a way that had them stop and think about themselves, because a fraction of wisdom was hidden in it

now you get characters botched, bastardized, and secretly killed and replaced by those with the same names, and they can't even muster the sense to care. because someone laughed at a character being drawn at the wrong height, or another had a good reaction from people that didn't know the character as they thought they were writing their big magnum opus blockbuster for them

and i don't expect perfection, or the good old days to be possible to back to because they're the old days for a reason

but theirs's still the possibility and ability to go back and figure out the lost art of product control, and ravenous quality that can seep into people's spirits and give them a passion to constantly go back to issue after issue, giving your damn funky company a proper profit that means anything

no there they go ripping off little jimmy on twitter, stan account number 55, who's repeating what their pal jessica said on tumblr about bat-family member that got designated trope number 782 on the list, and that got the writer believing they did a job well done

you can do more

they're all just people, and i admire the fact they got to where they are. bless them for all the accomplishments they have. i can't take that way from them. but i'm also just a person who has what he has to say, and i think there's more to these writers then even they give themselves credit for

whining when people rightfully criticize your poor characterization and (even that's rare given the standards of today's comic fandom population) because it's your interpretation, when that's not how interpretation works

my man the money, and legacy you could create for yourself by doing the job, and research, and making something that actually comes across as a product worth buying could make you name live on for years after your death

comics aren't a large, marginally important industry, that all writers strive to join, but they're a passionate bunch that can make your legacy last for years to come

instead you'd rather sit on the bottom of a barrel being like everyone else typing out the same crap in 5 minutes a junior high student could in 2

batman has made billions of dollars from the excellence of others

and they'd rather sit down and take, what's not even a lot of money given that it's comics, and accept it, then make somethings of themselves, and perhaps with enough lucky make the company and business worth something again

there's no point in not trying

all they'd do is get more out of it with a bit of trying and effort, and passion and metaphorical sweat put into it

why should i read Tim Drake: Robin that can't even remember how Tim would talk about Damian right, and can't be fucked to not make his boyfriend look like a generic twink instead of himself, when i could go back and read something from about a decade before my own birth when it was good (if written by a massive fucker)

i've spent nearly a decade on and off criticizing comics, mainly dc and the bat-family, look at my blog name, it's 'ThatTimDrakeGuy' (yes that's how i personally spell it, with the capitalization), and all i've found are holes and tears in it since i've began back in 2015 when Rebirth was only news and headlines

and i've yet to see things get better when i read some classics and became aware at what was, and what could be

nonsense that people with enough passion to get their asses in gear to get the job and the assignments, with plenty of talents, especially the artists, my goodness regardless if they can remember what characters like tim or damian, and sometimes even easy to remember ass jason todd look like, they still have impressive skill, ability, and talent, that far surpases what the majority of the population on the whole planet can do

so it's not that they can't do it

it's that they don't try

often they try the opposite for quick cheap rewards, in the form of twitter stan brownie points "LOOK THEY HUGGED" "LOOK THEY'RE CRYING" "LOOK HE'S SO SHORT" regardless if that's thhe character, it makes sense, the story needs it, or it'll be remembered in years to come

give me and others a reason to come back

otherwise dc might as well die, which i hate to say, and don't mean all the way because of the jobs that would lose

but how else can i verbalize the general feeling and sensation it gives me, when all of that effort goes to waste with medicore at best products that won't be recalled months from now by any amount of peopel that's substantial?

you could go and be a legend in the field, or another turd in the bucket that's about to fly away in the wind to never be seen 'til their next splatty mess

quite sad and i hate it

and shit, with so many people acceptint it, and talking it up, the idea i can't even see a character i used to enjoy look like themselves at times is a wee miserable

how stupid is that when you think on it

how do you get to that point?

comics aren't serious

but the passion a lot have is

(never hurt anyone over it tho. those people are just wild, and not in a cool way)

[stitched-mouth-vs-the-world]

Papa’s Pet

Pairing: Dr Martin Brenner x Fem! Lab Worker! Reader.

Summary: Dr Brenner will absolutely use you teach someone a lesson about the consequences of trying to steal what belongs to him.

Warnings: NSFW, Smut, Daddy kink (Papa), Not exactly public sex but y'all fuck in front of someone, Jealousy!, Jealous! Brenner, Creampie, Intercourse (P in V), Unprotected sex, Established relationship (?) this is kinda up to you, You belong to Papa, Reader is Papa's Bitch, I am the Reader.

Writing Time: 1 hour.

Word Count: 1,374.

Format: Kinktober Fic, Day 25.

A/N:

Sorry to all the 001/Henry fans out there. I kinda did him dirty here. I love Henry and I'll write another fic to make it up to him.

I'm so wet for Brenner though. An old hot crazy scientist? I'm already spreading my legs. Take me please, Papa.

I don't know if it's clear in the fic so I'll explain it here. Reader is Brenner's play thing, and Henry is caught trying to fuck the reader (flirting shamelessly with her in front of Brenner), to get a rise out of his Papa. But reader doesn't realise what he's really up to and thinks he's after friendship, which is is happy to give. Brenner knows the truth and punishes Henry for it.

Here are my other Kinktober 2023 works.

—///—

You felt beyond vulgar and used in the worst way possible.

It almost made you sick to your stomach. It was anyone else, you'd snap. Filled with rage and disgust.

But this was for the Doctor. Dr Brenner. And it wasn't much of a secret how much you loved the Doctor, or the lengths you'd go to please him.

Which is why you allowed him to drag you away to his office in the middle of your short scheduled time with the children, where 001 was already waiting, and throw you onto his chair (knees on the seat facing away from him) and rip your skirt up and tights and panties down. Exposing you completely to the men in the room.

"I'm sure you know why I brought both of you here today..." Dr Brenner sighed whilst stroking your wetting entrance slowly.

He continued, "I was pretty shocked and disappointed with both of you as of recently... maybe you didn't realise how obvious you were both being, but I've seen the looks you've been each other... the little conversations you been having during and after work... I've decided I need to give you two a reminder of the rules here."

You were frozen in fear, what was he talking about? Yes, you and Peter had been getting close as of recently but only as friends. You'd never betray your beloved Doctor like that.

You couldn't see, but behind you Peter was also frozen in fear. He didn't quite know where this was going. He had tried to anger his Papa by flirting with his naïve girlfriend right in front of him and did expect Papa to lash out and punish him, but he didn't quite know what kind of punishment this was and the lack of knowledge and control scared him to say the least.

Dr Brenner stared Henry down as he shoved a finger inside of you, making you gasp and grip onto the chair harder. Brenner and 001 could see how wet just a finger could make you, 001 moved uncomfortably on his chair and tried his best to hide his growing erection.

But Brenner had already seen it, and it only made him angrier. To him, Henry had no shame. He shamelessly flirted with his girl right in front of him and how he was shamelessly getting hard right in front of him for his girl.

Brenner knew you had no real part in his, he never once doubted your loyalty to him. But he was a little upset you hadn't seen 001's bad intentions with you and come to him immediately.

But still, this was Henry's punishment, not yours. Your punishment would come later.

Brenner unbuckled his belt and pulled down his trousers with just his free hand, before adding another finger into you.

He turned away from Henry to look at your bare ass and wet cunt and began stroking himself though his boxers, "I'm doing this to remind you both of your places, since you clearly need reminding. Henry, your place is beneath me and my darling... you should be grateful I've kept a failure like you around for so many years... and my darling," You slowly looked around to face him and your eyes met, "...You're my whore. I keep you around just to use whenever I please. You'll do good to remember that."

It stung and made you wetter. To hear you meant so little to the Doctor broke your heart a little but you already knew it. But also to hear that the Doctor wanted to use you in filthy ways... I mean, a win is a win.

Dr Brenner removed his fingers from you and showed them to Henry. The young man closed his eyes and looked away, moving awkwardly in his seat again because his hard dick was starting to hurt against his trouser.

Brenner chuckled at him and placed his fingers in his mouth, sucking off your juices with an evil smile on his face.

You whined and whimpered, grabbing both men's attention.

You shook your ass at the Doctor, "Please more Sir..."

Henry thought he was gonna be sick. He wanted to run away, but knew running away from his punishment could make things even worse.

But Brenner was quite the opposite. He was always thrilled to hear you beg for him. And since you were handling this all so well, he figured you deserved what you wanted.

He pulled down his boxers and quickly sheathed himself into you. You both let out a groan and began eagerly rolling your hips together.

You bit your lip and ripped the chair beneath you, you needed some way to let out how good this felt.

"Oh Papa... I'm so sorry!" You cried, "I'd never betray you! I love you!"

Brenner gently patted your head and continued fucking you, "I know you wouldn't, dearest. Papa knows you would never... God! You're taking me so well!"

You came first, Brenner not long afterwards. You sighed as you slowly came down from your high, you stayed out just in case your Papa had more in store for you.

Dr Brenner sighed as he carefully spilled all of his seed into you, then tucked himself back into his trousers and turned to look at Henry.

His face was almost covered with his hair as he looked down, but Brenner could feel 001's fury from a mile away. This punishment was a reminder that Brenner owned him, and he hated it. He always hated his Papa, but now he might hate you even more, for not helping him. And for choosing your evil mad Papa over him.

"Henry..." Brenner spoke out of breath, "Before you go back to work, look here."

He pointed to your cunt, filled to the brim with the Doctor's cum.

"I can't stop you from thinking about my Darling, but when you do, remember her filled up with all of me."

Henry didn't even bother to look.

"Now go back to work."

Henry was more than happy to run out of that office. Both to jerk himself off and to get as far away from the both of you as possible.

Brenner turned back to you and carefully pulled up your panties and fixed your clothes. He pulled you off the chair to face him and smiled at you.

"You did so well Dear." He gently stroked your face, "You know Papa really does love you. I love you more than anything else in the World, actually."

You smiled at your Doctor, your heart beating speed up to the point you though you might be having a heart attack. Your Papa did love you.

"I love you so much too Papa."

Brenner smiled again at you and leaned down to kiss you gently.

It was better for you to enjoy the tender moment than to worry about how 001 would react or treat you after his humiliating punishment.

[misteria247]

If I see another fic about one of the 2012 turtles "finally knowing what a real family is" in a rise!crossover, I'm gonna lose my goddamn mind

I feel ya Anon I truly do. It's honestly getting quite ridiculous.

To be honest with you, seeing this stuff happening to the 12 series lowkey breaks my heart. Like this is the show that I as well as so many others have grown up with and to see fanfics put these beloved characters in such uncharacteristic and horrible lighting is a quite upsetting to be blunt. Like I usually don't get involved with this kind of stuff, I'd rather just stay in my corner and just vibe but this is something I've just gotta get off of my chest. As a Rise fan myself, it's disheartening to see some fellow fans turn a blind eye to the faults that Rottmnt has and instead tries to make it seem like it's the best show out there. Like don't get me wrong the show's amazing, but it just like every Tmnt series, has it's flaws and weaknesses. Seeing the 12 series getting torn apart in this way and being treated in such a disrespectful manner reminds me way too much of the episode/movie from the 03 series that had the crossover with the "supposed" 87 series. Much like the fanfics going on now, the episode put 87 in a very bad light. It made the series look awful and basically tore it down and because of it, a lot of newer fans like myself at the time, didn't touch the 87 series at all. Not to mention that there was fans who tore it down and made it seem like the show itself was a waste of time.

Just like now, it's happening all over again. Only it's now the 12 series that's being torn down. It's honestly just upsetting to see something that you love and cherish be tarnished and ridiculed by people who've never even seen the show. Like I understand that people love Rise and they want to encourage others to check out the series so it can get recognition. But doing things such as putting down other variants of the franchise just to lift Rise up isn't the way to go. Especially when it's because of shows like the 12 series that helped paved the way for Rise to get to where it is now.

I love both shows, just like I love the others as well. And as a fan of these beloved series, all I ask is that there's some respect shown for both shows. Cuz this trend that's happening just isn't it fam. Like I get it, writing different characters can be hard and getting them completely in character can be challenging. As someone who's got their own crossover fic going, I understand completely how difficult it can be. So I try to be not too harsh with these things, but lately........it's become increasingly difficult not to.

[silveredsound]

How you go from harry styles to hockey I will never understand.

I was going to make a little joke, as I do, (would have been v hilarious, best joke ever pls know this) and leave it at that. But like, it's been raining for over 24 hours, it's 2am and it might be good for me to reflect a little.. So sorry anon I am going emote all over your ask (which (the ask) sounds a bit judgey tbh but the written word is NOT a great conveyor of tone so that might be on me.)

On one hand it's just fandom. And, I think it's been pretty clear that as much as I love Henry Stars, I'm not like, a 'Harry is the be all and end all of all music creation and creativity and actions.' I like him for the good and the bad, and I don't leave critical thinking at the door. (Not saying I'm the only person to do this, just that it's hard sometimes in fan spaces and Stans definitely do..)

Which, can make it hard to participate in fandom as a lot of people are not great at irony, or accepting that someone else can say, god damn that is a terrible song - and that it's okay for that to happen. It doesn't mean that the person who expressed the neg opinion is not still a fan of the artist they were speaking about. Same with if the artist you are a fan of does something that gives you the ick.

I def learnt this when Harry went to Google Camp the first time. Like obviously I've been around 1d fandom in some way since 2012 ish I think it was - and it was my own reaction to Harry going to Camp Douchebags the first time that made me go, oh jeez Silv, you are a bit too involved in the parasocial relationship here. Like I was genuinely upset that he'd done something I thought was so dumb and wanky.

Anyway, clearly I still loved - love - him and I celebrated him and spent a fuckload of money on him and engaged in fandom and etc etc. But I just did at that point I think turn a little from heading in a very blinkers on version of fandom to one that's def more me - where you just get to have fun, make fun be creative, make friends! and have a bit of a perv depending on the silk cream vanilla ice cream outfit Harry might be wearing in Nashville.

I like RPF. I mean I like all transformative works and fandom extending and enhancing source material via creation, but I don't have an issue with RPF. I believe in 4th wall. And I clearly have written 1d fic. A lot of my good fandom mates, and real life best friend(s) are people I have met through sharing a love of writing in fandom spaces. Obviously all the best writers in 1d went to Hockey. And I stayed here. And I tried. I wanted to be where my friends where. I had fomo and I was lonely! My fandom had changed in a few ways all around the same time.

But Hockey is very confusing, (for starters as I often say to Angela or Joanna, snow is fake) and nothing clicked for me - it seemed large and I had no idea where to even start and I didn't really try.

But I think the change in some fandom fellow participants, and also anons being mean when they would get even a glimpse in their peripheral that I might have vaguely indicated that Henry did something that I thought was dumb or embarrassing, or just not that good, (it's no fun sharing a thought and feeling chatty about it, and wanting to engage with other people's thoughts if some random is going to anonymously tell you that you are a dumb c*nt and should delete etc etc so I stopped sharing any thoughts at all.) Of course Nick leaving breakfast and then R1 altogether - as well as obviously my whole life narrowing to a point that was just tend Mama- work - tend mama - work - tend mama - sleep - grow a tumour - tend mama left me not so much time for proper joyful engagement.

And then, in Jan/Feb this year, I think as I'd been looking at book reviews and as soon as you search for a book on tik tok they push book tok romance reviews into your feed and I think then that pushed an actual hockey clip (which is a really shite 4th wall issue as is the whole Kraken thing etc) and I can't even remember what it was but I know I then swiped through and watched other videos on the account and like 1d being adorable shites repeating stock answers and sitting on top of each other I was intrigued by what seemed to be very dumb and very entertaining.

But Silv, you cry, what about the emotions! You need emotions! Ah, yes, see, because I am nothing but devoted I had followed Angela and La's hockey blogs, and something La posted grabbed my attention and I followed a link and read an article and I was like. Oh, I want to read more about these kids. So I did. And after a little while I reached out to La and was like, um, I think I get it. And I posted something about the Fantilli Bros and then Max reached out and tbh I don't think anything says it better than my wide eyed enthusiasm reply. (You are probably by now thinking, Silv why is your answer to Max so short, why didn't I just get a paragraph? This is an endless essay with no conclusion or indeed a thesis statement, (that is if you have even made it down to here) & anon I can only apologise.)

I am really enjoying learning so many new things, being welcomed into a new space of connection and joy and silliness and emotional breakdowns. It's been so lovely to meet new people who are so excited to share their niche interest with you and no one minds how many questions I have and everyone searches out Primera and Important Past Instagram Posts from the archives - and of course reconnecting with people who I have always been friends with, fandom changes didn't change that, but it's delightful chatting much more often. The other day Angela and I watched an Avs game together via Tumblr chats, which was delightful, to learn about the team and to talk about random other things, and I've spent my last month of Saturdays watching umich with lovely people who La introduced me to, and having MANY EMOTIONS. (It's like hanging out all posting about a show's fits and one liners and if he's going to sing medicine but it's many pantomime gooseberrys. The performative homoeroticisim, wild hair, jokes, punching (only now during not pre show work outs ) and very goddamn impressive skill and physicality is actually pretty similar). Meghan and I have been able to chat through our very similar horrible experiences with cancer and mums with cancer and it's been so lovely and strengthening to be able to share that experience with a person who beyond gets it, and then also I've been able to announce to her that I want to write a fic about 5 ways Nolan saw god with the UMich Bible Study Group but didn't find faith. which is obviously a completely ridiculous concept but equally worthy of discussion. It's this that I love so much about fandom friendship - you share SO much because you are sharing something that gives you intimate joy, so the relationship always starts from a place of an automatic mutual understanding and empathy - and from there we make it our own.

But also, I really like the game. Like I love watching them play, all of them! It's fast (obviously - and oblig have to say - ice is slippery) and it's hard - and they make it look easy. When one of the special players (they are all special, but one of the ones who play almost with innate ability) makes a pass or a turn sometimes it's almost almost magic, like how the fuck did they see that gap between four players, and did you see how they kept the puck a moment longer so they could release it perfectly into the lane !! Hot.

The game can be all encompassing and it's SO SO SO silly. Like it's the dumbest sport. It's The Show. I'll put on ESPN and stream a match while I'm working during the day (the time difference is perfect for once) and I'm spending time cos I want to, learning the rules and the logistics and business side of it all. And of course, the differences between college hockey and the show. Idk. It just clicked on so many levels for me.

And so, I have no idea why it took me so long to transition from Henry to Hockey, but I am not surprised I did now that I have - it def wasn't something that I was bloody expecting. And Anon I will say this, the last few years of my life have been sad, hard, and tbh shitty. Now, I know what it's like to have fucked years, so I am not saying this to try to be and show off but 2024 feels a bit better. I feel clearer, I have started to lose some weight (15ish kg so far depending on the time of the month) and now I have a meeting w a PT on Tuesday as I actually don't care what I weigh but I want to get stronger and reduce my visceral fat as it will be better for hormones which is better for lessening my cancer reoccurrence %.

God knows it's (2024) not all roses, I literally had surgery again a fortnight ago and the cost of living in Sydney is giving me so much anxiety. I am still a terribly disorganised mess, my work is undergoing a complete restructure (thanks NSW gmnt) and my clean washing is NEVER folded and put away, it's always in the basket - but I feel so happy and entertained and creative - I am writing again! like it's joy. It's ye olde you are who you are at this moment but you are also the 4 year old you and the 15, 27, 34 year old you - girlhood (non gendered concept of not literal interpretation) and I love it. 💛🩵🌱

[mustainegf]

not sure if this is too specific, but could you do a fic where the reader is nervous/a little "scared" of having sex and Dave comforts/reassures her and is like really gentle and praises her? :)

This is real asf, hope I did it justice!

Daves warm lips pressed loving kisses to my neck, showing extra attention to my sensitive spots.

There was a churning nervous feeling in my stomach, Me and Dave had never really had sex before. It's not that I didn't want to, I wanted it more than anything, but I couldn't help but wonder how he'd react to my body, the body I wasn't particularly a fan of.

I thought about how things could go wrong and what he'd think of me. Would he like me? And would he be repulsed by my scars and stretch marks?

Dave lifted his head to look at me, reading the uneasiness in my eyes. "What's wrong? You went quiet," Dave said gently.

I bit my lip, hoping he wouldn't push me any further for an explanation. "Nothing," I said softly.

He kissed me again. "I know something is wrong. Tell me." I sighed, knowing he wouldn't drop it until I did.

I chewed on my lower lip nervously. "It's just that... Well, this is the first time we have ever done this.

And I don't want you to regret it afterward," I finally managed to say. "Why would I regret it?"

I gulped hard, unsure of how to answer. "I just haven't had a lot of sex... and I'm not the prettiest in the world either," I whispered, brushing my fingertips over his stubbled cheek.

Dave's eyes softened. "Honey, you're the most beautiful woman I've ever known. But uh, if you're scared about the experience thing, we don't have to,"

I shook my head slightly. "No, no, I want to," I told him softly. "I'll be gentle," Dave nodded.

"I've got you," he whispered, positioning himself up with his arms by my head.

As I looked into his warm brown eyes, I felt all the butterflies in my stomach flutter around, making me feel both sick and excited.

I exhaled slowly, realizing Dave was the sweetest person I knew, sure he had a fiery outer shell, but on the inside he really was just a big softy. He'd never do anything to hurt me.

"Relax," he said, "I promise I won't hurt you. All right?" I bit my lip as I looked at him, knowing I trusted him completely.

I gave a nod of agreement and closed my eyes tight, trying to focus on something else other than the nervous thoughts running through my mind.

"Are you ready sweetheart?" He whispered into my ear, pulling me close and snuggling into me.

My heart raced so fast I swore it was going to fly out of my chest. "Yeah.." I whispered, keeping my eyes shut gently.

He kissed me once more and then entered me in one swift move. I let out a small gasp. He immediately stilled, giving me a moment to adjust to the sudden invasion.

When I felt he was far enough inside, he began moving. Our kisses grew feverish as he moved deeper. "You okay baby?" He asked in between kisses. I nodded against his mouth, not wanting to break our kiss. "You're doing so good, sweetheart," he whispered, his hips moving smooth as butter.

I wasn't too sure why I was so afraid, the feeling was pure euphoria. "Mh- Dave..." I whimpered, burying my hand in his soft hair as he cuddled into me.

"I told you everything would be okay," he chuckled softly, slowly making love to me.

Everything was at Peace, and just the feeling of him inside of me was overwhelming.

"God, I love you," I whispered into his hair, holding him even tighter against me. His pace quickened and he moaned, his rhythm becoming faster.

"I love you too, honey," he growled, his lips finding mine in a frenzied kiss.

"You're taking it so good, such a good girl," he praised softly between heaving breaths.

I wanted him to keep going forever, I never wanted this to end.

The sensation was incredible, and the heat building within me made me crave more. I lifted my hips, meeting his thrusts.

"You're doing so good. Keep taking it ... just like that." His words were enough to make my bad clench.

"I can tell you're close, that's it, just let go. Let yourself feel good," he held me tighter, continuing his sweet love making.

"Come on, cum with me. That's it," he urged, speeding up his movements. "Yes!" I cried, losing myself in his grasp, his name falling from my lips.

He gave a deep groan, and followed soon after.

Dave pulled out, giving only a few strokes before he was spurting cum onto my heaving stomach.

"You were perfect for me, my love," Dave smiled, collapsing beside me.

[hypermoyashi]

Okay! I finally got the time to start reading Trigun again, so this'll be my thoughts on chapters 17-20, plus Day In / Day Out and the Pilot, which are included in the Trigun volume of the deluxe edition. Warnings for spoilers!

Man I have so many thoughts on these chapters. I have to say I'm not a huuuuuge fan of the pilot--this appears to be where Vash's sexual harassment habit from the '98 came from, plus it did feel kind of odd for him to stand back and do nothing as someone took revenge on another when he's much more active in asking people not to kill in the main series. It sort of feels like he wasn't done yet as a character, and Nightow tweaked his characterization after the pilot. Some fun gags, though! And the Day In / Day Out bonus chapter was just cute, with Vash playing chess and losing with old men and playing with children. He's so sweet!

As for the actual chapters, we got the Legato chapters, and the Dominique chapters! Man, Dominique seemed like such a cool character, but we didn't get any real information about her. I guess that was standard since we didn't get much on the previous Gung-ho Guns that appeared, either, but she seemed neat! Mad respect for people who develop her in fic.

More under the cut! (Mind the warnings!)

We also got the first chapters of Wolfwood and Vash interacting! Honestly, the kids trying to steal from Wolfwood, Vash chiding them, and Wolfwood just giving them each a third of his remaining money but still keeping a little for himself... Wolfwood is such a sweet person. And Vash's smile! Wolfwood's comment on it! Honestly their relationship in canon is just so fucking sweet, though my brain is very Vashwood oriented now. (Though, fun fact that I experienced the '98 and Tristamp before Trimax, and Trimax was what got me really shipping Vashwood. So I didn't explicitly ship it until Trimax.)

And then. Man. We got the first on-screen interaction of Knives and Vash. I'm actually gonna save that for the end of the post, but. Actually made me feel kind of bad for Legato, after showing such devotion and loyalty to Knives only to get maimed by him almost as soon as Knives was awake again. It really shows that no matter what Legato does, he will never hold the same place in Knives's heart that Vash does because he's human, and yet, Legato will continuously chose Knives anyway, because at least he is better than Legato's previous circumstances.

I also loved Meryl and Milly. They tried so hard to get Vash to rest, to not go and confront Knives after he was injured in his fight against Dominique, but he went anyway, because of course he would. Them keeping his jacket and then hanging in the desert as a mock grave because they're not sure if he's dead or alive... Man. My fucking heart. They didn't get to spend a lot of time with him, but he was still important to the two of them.

Wolfwood was revealed as one of the Gung-ho Guns as well... The series doesn't play coy with letting you know Wolfwood is a traitor, and the fact that Vash travels with him later despite Wolfwood being at the Jeneora Rock with the rest of the Gung-ho Guns... I'm not even sure if they were visible to Vash, but there's nothing I picked up on to indicate he couldn't see them. So it's possible and probable Vash was just aware from the beginning of who Wolfwood was, what he was sent for, and Wolfwood was aware he probably knew, and just... Neither of them acknowledged it, which is very in line with the two of them.

And now. My thoughts on Vash and Knives.

Warnings for explicit discussions of abusive relationships and the dynamics involved.

Also a disclaimer that if you don't read them as abusive, that is perfectly fine. My reading is colored by my personal experience, so due to the inherently upsetting nature of denying abuse, I just ask that no one respond with their own contradictory headcanons on why I'm wrong on my reading--you're free to talk about your own readings in your own posts and spaces, but please be respectful of my own personal reading here!

In such a short interaction, there are so many shitty things that Knives does. So I'm going to break them down below:

Belittling/Infantilizing Vash: Knives specifically does this when he comments on Vash's scars, how they've grown since their last encounter. He views them as a mark of ignorance, how Vash refuses to learn from his mistakes, instead of seeing them how Vash sees them--a result of his choice to be kind. He can't view them as marks of Vash's choices, because then he can't frame this as him needing to "save" Vash from himself.

Attempts to isolate Vash from everyone who is not Knives: Specifically, he does that when he's pushing Vash to turn his gun on humans, asking why he's pointing his gun at Knives instead of them, turning his angel arm on humanity, sending the Gung-ho Guns after Vash, and purposefully creating chaos and destruction around him to ostracize him from society--Knives wants Vash to hate humanity as much as he does, but we also don't really see Knives connecting with other Plants on a personal level or encouraging Vash to do so, either. So effectively, by trying to drive Vash away from humanity, it means he's trying to severe every connection Vash has that isn't him. Painting him as a disaster and getting humanity to try and hate him (successfully, for the most part), and then trying to get Vash to hate humanity in return (unsuccessfully), is all a tactic to try and convince Vash that Knives is his only option, that they're the only ones who can understand one another and co-exist. This also extends to him sending Wolfwood after him--someone for Vash to bond with, only for him to be revealed a traitor (or for Vash to know he's a traitor all along). It didn't have the intended effect at all since Knives's understanding of Vash is shallow and self-centered, since Wolfwood is exactly the kind of kind human forced into violent circumstances that Vash would grow fond of. I don't think Knives banked on what comes later with the two of them, either. There are additional examples of this later in canon, but I'm sticking to what I've noticed so far.

Violating Vash's bodily autonomy: Conjuring the angel arm despite the fact that Vash is screaming and crying through it, using Vash's body for his own purposes against Vash's will. Yeah, this one doesn't really need any further explaining.

Blaming Vash for things that were objectively Knives's fault: Case in point, July. If I remember correctly, July was 100% a result of Knives forcing the angel arm to go out of control, but he cites it as an example of why Vash is just as much of a "humanoid disaster" as he is when Vash tries to call him out for his actions against humanity and the genuine harm he is doing. Knives was deflecting and disregarding Vash in an attempt to drag him down to his level and avoid taking responsibility for his own actions. It's also a manipulation tactic to "muddy the waters" and attack Vash's self-esteem, by trying to equate their actions as just as bad as one another when they are not.

These are the main ones I noticed! It's all kind of subtle, but real-life abuse often is, as well (except when it's not). But these are all tactics that Tristamp Knives also uses, he's just a little more blatant about it--with saying that Vash only needs him, labeling Vash a criminal, putting a bounty on his head, and blaming him for Knives's criminal acts in the public eye, using him to try and get at the core, etc. So honestly, I think Tristamp Knives reads as pretty faithful to Trimax Knives in my opinion, and it's neat to see that the creators drew on the same details that were there in the manga and expanded on them, although in slightly different contexts.

I do really appreciate this aspect being present in the manga, too. It's very often that I find depictions of abuse in fiction don't jiive with me personally, or that I can't read them, but the way Trigun handles it really resonated with me. But! I will talk about that more as I go through the rest of the series!

Thanks for reading this far!

[90shaladriel]

Writing Interview Tag Game

Thanks for tagging me @klynnvakarian !

About Me:

When did you start writing?

In my 30s I definitely made an attempt to write a "novel" and did some world building and a few pages of writing and it didn't go anywhere. Then Late 2022 after Rings of Power season 1 just joining the Haladriel fandom I read so much fic that I thought maybe I could do some as well. Got some encouragement from other haladriel writers (crucial for me)

Are there different genres or themes you enjoy reading other than the ones you write?

I love history and science non-fiction. I mostly am writing in the fantasy fan-fiction space, but I do like sci-fi as my first love.

Is there an author you want to emulate, or are compared to often?

I either consciously or unconsciously imagine I am writing in the voice that Frank Herbert used in the Dune series. Maybe mixed with some George RR Martin and a tinge of Tolkien.

Can you tell me a bit about your writing space?

Vast majority of my writing was on an iPad lying in my bed before sleep when no one needs my attention.

What’s your most effective way to muster up a muse?

I usually write a chapter per month so it's just random thoughts or reminders while reading other fics which inspire me to write a snippet here or there when I have the energy.

The other big muse I've found in recent months was actually listening to or reading Tolkien books: "The Silmarillion", "Beren and Luthien" and "Fall of Gondolin" the beautiful prose and the rich lore just sparks new ideas I want to try to play off of or emulate in my own fics.

Are there any reoccurring themes in your writing? If so do they surprise you?

I always like stories of characters that are beaten down, up against the world, maybe a little unappreciated, but not giving up. Even if they cannot win they try their best and work hard. A lot of sadness too. I don't express much of that sadness IRL so that is a bit surprising.

Characters:

Would you please tell me about your current favorite character?

Tough call - probably the Lady of Light, Galadriel based on the ROP - characterization

Which of your characters would you be friends with in real life?

Hmm, I'm not sure if I would be best friends but I think I would get along with Ereddâz, my Orc OC from A Lord and his Builder.

I think Galadriel would ignore me and Sauron would send me to his dungeons to be a thrall.

Which characters would you dislike the most if you met them?

Melkor from my First Fire in the Void fic

Do you notice any reoccurring themes/traits in your characters?

I touched on it above, I think I like writing characters that believe they are doing the right thing. I do not like writing characters that are specifically and intentionally bad. Even my villains have plausible motivations or perspectives to justify their actions.

How do you picture your characters?

Most of my writing is currently around the Rings of Power cast and that style.

I am dabbling with non-ROP fics, like First Fire in the Void and there I pictured Mairon based on a lot of fanart that basically draws him like a pretty woman with long red hair lol.

My Writing:

What’s your reason for writing?

A creative outlet. For years and years I would day dream my own stories, going back to when I was a kid, I was also a pretty decent DnD DM making up my own campaigns. I've often had dreams of telling stories by creating video games (I am a software dev professionally) but I usually get stuck on the actual technology side of creating a game and can never get to the creative side. By writing fic, I was able to just get my ideas out there without being held back by the lack of skills in other areas (game dev, art, making a story interactive and still make sense)

Is there any specific comment or type of comment from readers that you find particularly motivating?

Ive gotten a few amazing comments that say this is their favorite fic and I can't believe it since I just write one of many thousands of fics so I feel honored, and for my WIPs a little pressured, to produce more at that level.

How do you want to be thought about by your readers?

I want to write stories other people like, I do think about how can I make a story original in a way no one else does? What's a premise no one else has or could be done differently?

But really I am mostly writing stories that I like?

What do you feel is your greatest strength as a writer?

I think putting my characters through emotionally charged or traumatic events where they have realistic responses or reactions that I or I think readers might relate to emotionally.

How do you feel about your own writing?

I read other writing and it feels so polished and natural. I often feel like I am "emulating good writing" rather than being a good writer myself. I like my stories and plots but I am not always impressed by the words on the page after writing them. Sometimes I just give up during editing and just post and people seem to like it enough.

When you write are you influenced by what others might enjoy reading, do you write purely for yourself, or is it a mix of both?

AS I was saying I do think about the readers and I'm surely influenced by what I see in the community and what people respond to but every single idea is a kind of "wouldn't this be cool" idea I have myself first and then I judge how much I think other people would also find it to be cool or enjoyable. That part I sometimes guess at or things resonate with others that I didn't expect

No pressure tags!

@eowyn7023 @demonscantgothere @cliffdivingsblog @pursuitseternal @theriverwild