#so I can’t really tell by voice
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viperwhispered · 8 months ago
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Guess what? I've got more Jamil x reader for y'all. You can also find this on ao3. No warnings, just 866 words of kinda fluffy(?) caretaking stuff with gender-neutral reader.
At this point, you know Jamil’s schedule almost as well as he does. So, when you have the chance, you head to Scarabia’s kitchen, hoping to spend some time with Jamil while he and the other students prepare dinner. 
However, when you enter, it takes you but a moment to notice Jamil’s uncharacteristic fumbling and the tired look in his eyes. The way Jamil’s chopping the vegetables has you worried about him cutting himself with that knife he’s usually so adept with, and it seems it’s only force of habit that’s keeping him on track.
You frown, and when your eyes meet Jamil’s, you can already see him put his guard up.
So he knows what state he is in, huh? And still, here he is.
It seems Jamil is reading your thoughts, all of him telling you drop it before any words are even said.
At least he still lets you lean in and give a quick kiss to his cheek in greeting.
“Hello love. Do you still have a lot on your agenda for today?” you ask, keeping your tone low for at least some semblance of privacy in the busy kitchen.
“Nothing I can’t handle,” is the response you get.
Of course.
It takes a little more pestering before Jamil actually answers your question. Your lips purse. That list is far too long to your liking.
You take a moment to think, juggling your own plans and to-do list against the urgency of the things Jamil mentioned.
“Will Kalim be eating from that?” you ask, pointing at the food Jamil is preparing.
“Yes.”
“Alright, I won’t be touching that one, then. I’ve gotta do a few things but I’ll be back when you’re done here.”
“Don’t,” Jamil says with a glare, clearly aware of what you’re thinking.
Yet even his disapproving look doesn’t have the usual weight behind it.
“Yes. I will,” you say firmly, even as your heart curls inwards with another bout of concern.
Really, when did he get so tired?
And how did you not notice it earlier?
You leave the kitchen before Jamil can protest further, hurrying through the dorm corridors to find Kalim.
Soon you have an enthusiastic – and concerned – supporter for your plans. You have Kalim point out a few reliable Scarabia students to help with a few of the most urgent matters Jamil mentioned – cleaning up the common areas, delivering some paperwork to Crowley, preparing some dorm-wide notices – while you see to Kalim getting his school supplies in order for the following day. You even recruit a couple of third years to help Kalim with his homework.
You’ll see to the rest tomorrow – after all, you do also have a boyfriend to look after.
Your conversation over dinner can hardly be called anything else than an argument – despite Kalim’s best attempts at acting as a moderating force between you two. It is very tempting to ask Kalim to tell Jamil to take the rest of the day off – it’s not like Jamil would be willing to openly disobey a direct order. Still, you really don’t need to remind Jamil of his position on top of everything else that you’re already doing more or less against his wishes.
Eventually, however, Jamil’s had a square meal, the most urgent things on his to-do list are being taken care of, and you’ve managed to drag him to his bed.
“I really wish you wouldn’t push yourself so hard,” you murmur, your arms wrapped tightly around Jamil. You’re telling yourself you really do just want to cuddle, to offer some respite to Jamil. Still, there might also be a part of you worried that if you were to let go, he’d just jump up and get back to working himself to the bone.
Yet, for all his protestations, just the fact that you’ve gotten Jamil to lay down with you speaks volumes of his current exhaustion.
“I can’t just leave my duties, albi. You know this.”
“Making yourself too indispensable, is what you’re doing,” you protest.
Oh, you know it’s not so simple. Not with his background, not with all the expectations and assumptions.
But sometimes you really wish it would be.
Jamil merely scoffs in response to your words.
Still, it is undeniable that he is slowly beginning to relax in your arms, slowly bringing his head closer to yours. His eyes are starting to flutter, too.
“I will still need to help Kalim with his homework, at the very least.”
You wonder who he is trying to convince more, you or himself.
“Amin and Khalil are helping him. They’re basically top of their classes, aren’t they? I’m sure they’ve got it.”
Still, Jamil frowns.
You sigh. He really is not letting go, is he?
“Do you want me to go supervise?” you ask.
And leave you, unsaid yet hanging there right after your words.
“Don’t,” Jamil eventually says, the word barely more than a breath.
It seems he has accepted his fate.
You softly caress Jamil’s hair, listening to his softening breathing.
And when you wake up, wholly unaware of having been lulled to sleep in the first place, it’s to the lightest of touches from Jamil’s fingers.
Tagging @diodellet @twstgo @crystallizsch @jamilvapologist @jamilsimpno69 as per request If you'd like to be tagged for any future works, let me know!
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mourningmaybells · 1 year ago
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HI??
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the-casbah-way · 7 months ago
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i never ever cry in front of anyone ever but there was this boy i was OBSESSED with in primary school when i was like seven years old because he was the fastest boy in the class and he had cool spiky hair and i always thought it was a crush until i came out and realised it was gender envy of some form and today my friend out of the blue told me that i look like him and we looked at his instagram together and i actually do. i look almost exactly like him. and i cried like an absolute wanker because i’ve been so miserable my whole life being perceived entirely the wrong way and i went home today and looked at myself and realised i look like the boy i always wanted to be when i was a kid. and whenever i feel bad about myself i get to remind myself that i look like him so i shouldn’t feel bad because back then i couldn’t have ever dreamed of getting to look like this. and t will only make it better and even though the idea of starting it is still so scary to me i keep having moments like this that make me realise how good it’s going to be even if some of it will suck. i always focus on all of the ways my transition has gone and will go wrong and i forget that it’s going to go right in a lot of ways too
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brokendreamscreation-moved · 5 months ago
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Rules: choose 4 of your favorite characters from 4 pieces of media as options and let your Tumblr pals decide which one most suits your vibe.
Tagged by: @hellcab (thank you bud!)
Tagging: @helluva-hazbins @themosthatedbeingg @heaven-said @the-devil-less-known @originemesis @radiiosugars @pantheon-panic @hells-musing-along @edcnfell @applcyed
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kavehater · 1 month ago
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I’m going insane I actually can’t believe them !!!!
#dora daily#she always sides with my sister#why ? Bc I raised my voice at that spoiled brat to tell her to keep her name out of my mouth AND SHE TELLS ME TO SHUSH ONE HUNDRED TIMES#like a girl eight years younger telling me to shush ? are you freaking kidding me b#and then I raised my voice at her a little more mind you I wasn’t screaming#and I told her she’s so stupid because she can see I’m so distressed and upset yet she’s the victim#SHES THE VICTIM bnbdnskwosksa#she’s always the victim#I’m always the villain with them#I hate her#I hate herrrrrrrrr#she always gets away with everything I always have to suck up to that spoiled brat eight years my junior and be nice to her and all that#it’s not fair why must I cater to her cruelty#and she is cruel even tho she’s so much younger than me#she’s so cruel and rude and mean and she actually hits me really hard and I just have to sit there and take it#and everything’s always my fault#my mum started siding with me briefly acting like the two sides thing for like a year#then she’s back to how she was before#like this girl gets away with things because apparently she’s a baby she’s almost TWELVE#I can’t do this anymore#I never could’ve ever gotten away with these things even if I wanted to#like I’m so numb to her to all of them when they say those things I just accept the fact that it’ll always be like this#but logically speaking it’s NOT FAIR#my mum can say I’m her favourite all she wants but she’s a liar and she doesn’t even know it herself#or she does and she’s lying#oh why am I even complaining at this point#why haven’t I given up already on her on both of them#my sister is scary because she gets everything#if only my mum aborted her too along with the other two#please I’d have such a better life with so much less trauma
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ocdhuacheng · 7 months ago
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I have… lots of thoughts on milsiril and kabru and the commentary on mixed-race family/adoption, in particular white parents with children of color. I think it’s really cool kui incorporated this into the story because lots of (particularly white) people just think adoption is this pure altruistic thing and don’t think about the negative affects it has on kids (again, kids of color) to not have people of their own culture to grow up with.
#I’m white so I can’t pretend this is something I am able to fully understand#and I feel like it’s not my place to write an essay on it? I’m sure poc could do it a lot better than me#but someone who is close to me is a poc in a kind of kabru adjacent situation#and I don’t want to give details bc this is personal and (obviously) not just to me so I don’t really want to talk about it too much#my point is. kabru ans milsiril just hit me really hard#I really love that kui made their relationship a relatively good one for the most part but she doesn’t just pretend it’s perfect#because it’s like. even if your parents are the best they can possibly be.l#if they don’t understand your culture that’s still a huge loss isn’t it?#and milsirils parenting skills….. definitely need a lot of work even if she means well#and the description of her adoptions as a ‘hobby’ makes it seem rather flippant imo#(not sure if that was just a translation thing tho)#but my impression is that kabru does still think of her fondly and is grateful for her taking him in and teaching him things#at the same time he does voice his frustrations about the cultural disconnect between them and her being ‘overprotective’#but yeah#like that kind of thing needs to be talked about I’m grateful that she not just doesn’t shy away from it but puts it in your face like that#.txt#dungeon meshi#oh also clarification#when I say kui talks about this stuff I do mean as an allegory#bc while I don’t think it is at all a coincidence that kabru is dark skinned and milsiril is white (coded?)#their skin color doesn’t really come into account here#it’s really the disconnect between elves and tall-men#but look me in the eye and tell me that’s not what she was going for
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lesbiansanemi · 1 year ago
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I think… I have figured out the reason I never get gendered as a guy anymore and it’s making me have…. A lot of really complex feelings
#most of my life I’ve been VERY androgynous#and ever since I cut off all of my hair when I was 16 and started dressing in men’s clothes#I tended to get gendered as a man or woman p equally by strangers#(until I talked because my voice tends to be a give away which is a whole other thing I have Thoughts about but that’s a different issue)#but in the past oh… idk… six months or so? I literally NEVER get gendered as a guy#it has happened ONCE#like sure ppl will ask for my pronouns but I know that’s just cuz I look like stereotypical genderqueer afab person#it’s not cuz they can’t tell what my gender is…#and I’ve been wondering what’s so different. why don’t I ever get gendered as a man anymore#I haven’t changed how I dress I still have a masculine haircut most of the time my facial features obviously haven’t changed#SO WHAT DID#I… I’ve figured it out….#I’ve gained weight. but only in my hips and thighs#all my pants that I’ve had for YEARS are suddenly too tight and too small around my hips and thighs#I’ve NEVER had curves anywhere before I was always stuck straight and now… I do#and like part of me wants to be happy. I’m gaining weight!!! I’ve always been so horrendously underweight#and I’ve battled severe disordered eating for so long that was the cause#this past year I’ve actually very steadily been eating three meals a day instead of one#I can eat whole portions without getting sick#and I’m really proud of myself for that like I’m def not upset I’m gaining weight#it’s just. it’s just that it’s literally all in my hips and thighs#and it’s giving me a more feminine figure which I’ve NEVER had before#and I know your body goes through more changes in your twenties and that’s probably part of it too#it’s just. I don’t want this. I don’t like this.#I haven’t felt genuinely dysphoric in a long time and now I want to crawl out of my skin whenever I look in a full body mirror#cuz I see it now. I see the change. and I just. do Not fucking Like It#but I can’t do anything about it 😭#and idk what to do#ugh#kaz rambles
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pepprs · 1 year ago
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ok so. today i am going to
fly (and travel at all) by myself for the first time since making the emergency return home from br!ghton bc of c0vid 4 years ago (extremely distressing and scary experience). and fly by myself two weeks after a mixed bag of a conference experience / plane ride home that included a massive scary depressive spiral that i had someone there to help me through as much as they could but it wasn’t enough which was absolutely not their fault but was deeply distressing to me at the time. so im about to be in a very similar environment but this time that person won’t be physically with me and it’s going to wreck my brain in multiple directions in part bc i have not yet recovered from the depressive spiral. i am still in it. lawl <3
ride in an uber by myself for the first time. ride in an uber at all for maybe the 5th time. as a very short young woman. which i have been expressedly warned by my parents not to do. lol <3
check into a hotel by myself for the first time
walk in a big city by myself for the first time (technically slightly untrue bc wjen i was last in ch!cago 5 years ago i did power walk from the hotel to the conference venue (like a block away) on the last day bc i was pissed about a situation but that was like… a block and i saw ppl i knew walking in that area. this time i will be in the same city and know no one at least for today
give myself a self care evening at the recommendation of my therapist…. for the first time. (maybe after i take a walk which i will do specifically when it’s still light out to see what the area is like). tonight no one i know will be in ch!cago yet and i have no plans to do anything. im going to play video games and draw and sing and give myself space and time to just enjoy being by myself and see how it goes
#purrs#conference tag#chicago#im very very very scared. that i won’t be able to handle it. i have craved solitude but also don’t know if it’s something i actually want o#if it’s a product of my circumstances. i am not used to being completely alone like that like whenever ive had it there have always been#other ppl in the building that ive had to be cognizant of and that will be true of a hotel too but bc i don’t know the people i will feel#less responsible to them . like obviously im not goi ng to sing at the top of my lungs but i will feel like i can sing which ive never felt#like i can do when ive lived with roommates or at home kinda. idk. my therapist was challenging me to experiment with fear by asking myself#if im really in danger or if im just uncomfortable / about to experience something ive never done before and right now im so extremely#anxious but what i am about to do is not inherently dangerous and i need to recognize im just experiencing something new and do it scared.#like im literally terrified i can’t describe how scared i am in a way that does it justice. but i am going to be okay. and when i tell#myself that i make it so.#trina vega voice im a woman…… [about to be] in ch!cago….. who’s SCARED!#i also have no idea how to be in a big city and be safe. like what do i do if im followed or if someone tries to attack me or something.#obviously the chances of that are extremely slim but ive had it hammered into me that if i am alone in a city that’s what’s going to happen#to me bc i am such a ~weak and defenseless small young woman~ lol. but bc i believed the fear and have had very little experience in citie#i have no idea how to navigate them or to be safe which creates the problem. like it makes it true that i am weak and defenseless bc i have#been shielded from being able to learn how to be smart and strong and cognizant of my surroundings. and i am so angry about it and hope tha#i will SHATTER that sense when im there and come away from it w confidence ive never had before#like i don’t have… pepper spray or anything like that. idk if that’s a thing ppl actually carry on them or if it’s just a thing ppl say. i#genuinely have zero idea at all. and i really really hope i won’t be in a situation where i’ll wish i had some. i doubt i will be but still
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sadisticyouko · 5 months ago
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I would’ve said a glint of mischief in his eyes, but mischief is not enough. mischief is just scratching the surface of what that tragically beautiful boy is hiding
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glossysoap · 7 months ago
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ngl whenever you boo and throw tomatoes at König, i am filled with an embarrassing amount of joy😂🍅
KELSI <3333
heheheeh someone’s gotta do it! thank god i have an unlimited supply of tomatoes 😈
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dyk3pup · 7 months ago
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#depraved ass omo shit idk?#couldn’t stop thinking abt this fantasy tonight😵#needing to pee rlly bad. like getting super desperate looking up at her w pleading puppy eyes n everything#just to have her coo at me thru my whines and whimpers like ‘aww what’s wrong puppy?’ .making me specifically say it and ask for permission.#then after seeing how desperate i am just going w faux sympathy ‘mmm nooo i think u can hold it! be a good puppy and hold it for mama<3’#but obviously im abt to fucking explode😭😭😭so i just plead and desperately beg and she just laughs at me like ‘mm no. u can hold it baby’#but as i insist i can’t anymore she just coos at me like ‘oh u can’t? the puppy can’t help themselves?’😭😭😭😵‍💫😵‍💫😵‍💫#THIS IS ALL SO FUCKING HUMILIATING LIKE I WOULD GENUINELY BE CRYINF FROM EMBARRASSMENT😭😭😭😭😭#and she just keeps telling me i can hold it. 😭😭till i piss myself with the most humiliated sounding whine ever#just for her to coo/aww at me w the stupidest condescending voice ever ‘aww really? u couldn’t help but make a mess of urself baby?’😵‍💫😭#then call me fucking pathetic for losing control so easily😂then also adding to the humiliation.#‘oh my god. are u getting off to this? u like making a fuckin mess of urself like the filthy bitch u are?’#😂😂😂😂😂😂😭😭😭😭😭😭😵‍💫#i’m fucking insane .#her <3#bonus points if tickling is involved in any way!���#being tickled till u piss urself💞🪽✨#being bullied💞🪽✨
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neon-vocalist · 7 months ago
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blaise shinryu i will always love you but would it kill you to have an ounce of good vocal technique like…. ever?
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crowcryptid · 1 year ago
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*insanity showing*
I got all the audio files for ac6 (thankfully someone else already ripped them so all I had to do was convert them to wav)
Small issue. ~800 files with names that are all random numbers. I did find a program that will rename them to something more understandable, if that data is present, which it might not be. Instead of being random numbers it might have actual words.
Im goin to sleep so I’ll check tomorrow. Hopefully it works. If not I have to listen to all the files to get Rusty’s lines since really he’s the only one I’d put the effort in for lol
Since it’s not just getting the files it’s putting them in order too. I am doing a new game + play though so I will try to use my brain cells and remember to write down the order of things.
Goodnight. Why do I torture myself like this
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bootyful-seventeen · 9 months ago
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Anyways as a resident senior to many, I urge you to get physicals of the media you love because you don’t know if they’ll ever remove the digital version of it
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0rionz-belt · 1 year ago
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I don’t know how to explain that I’m not me in a way anyone can fully comprehend. I’m so tired.
#vent#I can’t just keep saying all of this stuff again. but I’m going to.#I look back on my life and it feels like I’m remembering scenes from my favorite movie.#or better yet. you know how if you tell someone something enough they eventually believe it? like in criminal justice shit?#I look back. and it feels like that wasn’t me. but they’re my memories. somehow.#this is the same body. same brain. same voice.#but I can’t remember more than an audience would. I’ll never know what I was thinking. how my brain worked.#and I can’t help but wonder if I’m still seeing my life like that. if I’m exaggerating everything.#if I’m exaggerating how amazing I really was.#I spend every day of my fucking life mourning over what I perceived myself to be.#because back then? back then I was building the skills needed to be a person in this world.#everything feels fucking broken with me. I’m in so much anguish.#I miss being a person more than anything.#I feel so horrible. not just for everything I’ve done but for everyone I’ve met. for my friends.#I feel like I’ve let everyone down. No one understands just how true that actually is.#If you could see the life I lost you would think I let you down too. I guarantee it.#this is the worst death one can have. Everyone loses the you they know. But you still have a body and brain that has to face the aftermath.#I’ve been in agony for so long. so much of me is dead. I just pray that the rest of me goes painlessly.#cant believe I wrote this shit listening to a song from the god damn doll movie
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silverhalla · 1 year ago
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playing inquisition first really is the move because you can finish the whole entire thing and won’t even realize how much of an absolute fucking slog it is until you start the other two
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