#especially since this has apparently been sitting in my drafts since last august

[viperwhispered]

Rest

Guess what? I've got more Jamil x reader for y'all. You can also find this on ao3. No warnings, just 866 words of kinda fluffy(?) caretaking stuff with gender-neutral reader.

At this point, you know Jamil’s schedule almost as well as he does. So, when you have the chance, you head to Scarabia’s kitchen, hoping to spend some time with Jamil while he and the other students prepare dinner. 

However, when you enter, it takes you but a moment to notice Jamil’s uncharacteristic fumbling and the tired look in his eyes. The way Jamil’s chopping the vegetables has you worried about him cutting himself with that knife he’s usually so adept with, and it seems it’s only force of habit that’s keeping him on track.

You frown, and when your eyes meet Jamil’s, you can already see him put his guard up.

So he knows what state he is in, huh? And still, here he is.

It seems Jamil is reading your thoughts, all of him telling you drop it before any words are even said.

At least he still lets you lean in and give a quick kiss to his cheek in greeting.

“Hello love. Do you still have a lot on your agenda for today?” you ask, keeping your tone low for at least some semblance of privacy in the busy kitchen.

“Nothing I can’t handle,” is the response you get.

Of course.

It takes a little more pestering before Jamil actually answers your question. Your lips purse. That list is far too long to your liking.

You take a moment to think, juggling your own plans and to-do list against the urgency of the things Jamil mentioned.

“Will Kalim be eating from that?” you ask, pointing at the food Jamil is preparing.

“Yes.”

“Alright, I won’t be touching that one, then. I’ve gotta do a few things but I’ll be back when you’re done here.”

“Don’t,” Jamil says with a glare, clearly aware of what you’re thinking.

Yet even his disapproving look doesn’t have the usual weight behind it.

“Yes. I will,” you say firmly, even as your heart curls inwards with another bout of concern.

Really, when did he get so tired?

And how did you not notice it earlier?

You leave the kitchen before Jamil can protest further, hurrying through the dorm corridors to find Kalim.

Soon you have an enthusiastic – and concerned – supporter for your plans. You have Kalim point out a few reliable Scarabia students to help with a few of the most urgent matters Jamil mentioned – cleaning up the common areas, delivering some paperwork to Crowley, preparing some dorm-wide notices – while you see to Kalim getting his school supplies in order for the following day. You even recruit a couple of third years to help Kalim with his homework.

You’ll see to the rest tomorrow – after all, you do also have a boyfriend to look after.

Your conversation over dinner can hardly be called anything else than an argument – despite Kalim’s best attempts at acting as a moderating force between you two. It is very tempting to ask Kalim to tell Jamil to take the rest of the day off – it’s not like Jamil would be willing to openly disobey a direct order. Still, you really don’t need to remind Jamil of his position on top of everything else that you’re already doing more or less against his wishes.

Eventually, however, Jamil’s had a square meal, the most urgent things on his to-do list are being taken care of, and you’ve managed to drag him to his bed.

“I really wish you wouldn’t push yourself so hard,” you murmur, your arms wrapped tightly around Jamil. You’re telling yourself you really do just want to cuddle, to offer some respite to Jamil. Still, there might also be a part of you worried that if you were to let go, he’d just jump up and get back to working himself to the bone.

Yet, for all his protestations, just the fact that you’ve gotten Jamil to lay down with you speaks volumes of his current exhaustion.

“I can’t just leave my duties, albi. You know this.”

“Making yourself too indispensable, is what you’re doing,” you protest.

Oh, you know it’s not so simple. Not with his background, not with all the expectations and assumptions.

But sometimes you really wish it would be.

Jamil merely scoffs in response to your words.

Still, it is undeniable that he is slowly beginning to relax in your arms, slowly bringing his head closer to yours. His eyes are starting to flutter, too.

“I will still need to help Kalim with his homework, at the very least.”

You wonder who he is trying to convince more, you or himself.

“Amin and Khalil are helping him. They’re basically top of their classes, aren’t they? I’m sure they’ve got it.”

Still, Jamil frowns.

You sigh. He really is not letting go, is he?

“Do you want me to go supervise?” you ask.

And leave you, unsaid yet hanging there right after your words.

“Don’t,” Jamil eventually says, the word barely more than a breath.

It seems he has accepted his fate.

You softly caress Jamil’s hair, listening to his softening breathing.

And when you wake up, wholly unaware of having been lulled to sleep in the first place, it’s to the lightest of touches from Jamil’s fingers.

Tagging @diodellet @twstgo @crystallizsch @jamilvapologist @jamilsimpno69 as per request If you'd like to be tagged for any future works, let me know!

[anaithya]

2018, etc

2018 was one hell of a ride.

I spent the NYE working on thesis proposal with my best friends A & G at G’s home. It was tense, since the deadline was close but none of us was even halfway through. At midnight we took a break and walked to Bundaran HI to join the crowd and watch fireworks. We had a bit of fun, grabbed some food in the nearest McD, talked all the way back, and prayed for our hopes and dreams for the year, before finally continue to work. 

We had our common goal: to graduate. Little did we know it will took a long, winding road before we finally reach one.

January was fine. IECOM was successful, despite me being a zombie for several days. It might not be perfect but I’m very proud of what my team has done. There were unexpected things happened in D-Day but we handled them well. It feels so nice to see people work together--voluntarily put their time, mind, and energy to make the plan come true. We did our best and that’s what mattered. 

Two days after IECOM, batch 2014 went to field trip in Malang and Bali. Having too caught up with IECOM, my friends and I planned our extended trip on the bus lol (I wrote about it here). It was reaaal fun! I liked how chill we all were, stopped for a moment not thinking about thesis or our routine anxieties, living the moment we were in. Thank you crew #gogotrip.

But the chaos was waiting for me. From then on, I was drained working on my thesis. Thesis was like the epitome of my uni life: crappy and messed up. Full of regret and wrong decisions. Perfectly summed it up! I thought I planned everything perfectly, but then Murphy Law happened. I remember panicking when things were still uncertain. I overthinked a lot, I was desperate and felt so clueless on April, but things began to unfold in May. In early July, I was finally certain in what I had to do. But still not sure whether I could make it or not in October. The pressure was even higher after you see your own friends graduating. 

Whole September I couldn’t manage to do anything but working on my thesis. The month slipped perfectly from my life, I barely remember anything but me sitting in my computer, whether looking on Word, Excel, or Lingo. I remember staying up all night in the then-newly-opened coffee shop until 2 in the morning with my friend N (we’ve been there for hours), working on our thesis, too tired to talk to each other. Then we do the same thing in the day, only in our lab, and there will be our other friends. On repeat, for days. 

On Tuesday, 25th, I finally did my thesis defense. Got an A, with extremely minor revision. Happiest day of the year. Took a day off on Wednesday, printed the final draft Thursday, got my supervisor’s signature, submitted it to the library, and signed up for October graduation on Friday. 

Took two companies, months of hustles and hurdles, loads of papers, countess lingo solving, and series of sleepless nights to finally did it. And also a great supervisor. I couldn’t thank my supervisor enough for all the help that he gave me. If it wasn’t him, I don’t know if i can still manage to graduate in October.

In between the mess, with the thought that I need a break, I signed up for HPAIR conference. After two essays and an online interview, I got accepted! So for a full week in August I went to KL. It’s been a long time since I visit KL, and it was my first time participating in an international event like that. (one bucket list checked!). The conference was lit with the intriguing theme and notable speakers. I made new friends and tried superb food in town.

I also got the chance to participate in Maybank Impact Challenge, which I think the most interesting part of the conference. It was modelled upon Maybank Go Ahead Challenge. We were divided in teams, and the members came from different backgrounds and nationalities. In the span of 6 hours I had to make a country development plan, played board game, took the role as a COO in an engineering company, cracked codes and analyzed financial statements, ran for 1-2 km?--wearing a smart casual attire--from Sunway Uni to a bowling alley in Sunway Pyramid, pitched my company to investor WHILE playing bowling, ran back to the Uni, and took the role as management in company-in-crisis. Too much for a day, eh? It was crazy but I got to learn a lot: 1) How to work under pressure 2) How to work with strangers, especially with a very dominating person 3) How to estimate and make up numbers that still make sense 4) How to do impromptu speech.

(I also signed up for IELTS and Germany course. The courses were so refreshing since I love learning languages. I stopped showing up in September tho when the stakes on my thesis were high)

October 19 was my graduation day, and 20 was the parade. Bachelor of Science, I am now. I finally ended my university life. (another bucket list checked!)

The past four years was rough for me, especially in terms of my own ambition and personal development. To be honest, I hate my university life so much. I hate it to the point I don’t like to talk about it. About this class, about this exam, about this task, about this A B C, about this time when we had to do X.

If I could turn back the time I would definitely pick another major and another university. I hate how I didn’t work hard enough. I hate how I didn’t give my 100%. I hate how I DID work enough but still failing anyway. I hate how the world seemed so unfair. I hate how unprepared and unplanned I was. But what I hate the most is... I hate that I didn’t pursue for things I really like the most, because I was too scared. I hate how I wasn’t willing to take chances and chose the easy path. I hate how scared I was, to the future, to the what-ifs, to things that were actually in my head.

So messed up. So many wrong decisions. So many regrets.

Nonetheless, university life gave me valuable friends and... meaningful relationships! I really didn’t expect this from ITB back then, but yeah. The people I met were good ones. MTI ITB IS AWESOME!!! (at a certain period of time lol). I’m thankful that I found trusting, reliable friends that might not be 24/7 for me but surely make me laugh and make me feel much better when they’re around. It is my memories with them that I cherish the most.

Several days after graduation, I secured my first job (or not? I’m not permanent yet but nevermind), and started to work rightaway--in a company that I really admire. (bucket list checked once again!!!)

November and December were about adjustments. Adjusting myself back to Jakarta, coming back home after years of living alone. Adjusting to the new role that I take, as an employee. Adjusting to the new routine.

I also got two free concert tickets in November: Gun N Roses and Blackpink lol.

I spent the last day of the year with my high school friends in a friend’s house. Learned to play poker, chit chatted about life, reflected on how the year was for each of us. 

Calm and serene. 

Despite the sour, sour lemons, I learned a lot in 2018. 

Four years of desperation crafted this worrisome and pessimist attitude in me. Contrary after graduating high school, after uni graduation I feel like I have self-confidence issue and I feel like not knowing what I really want or what I have to do next. I am still clueless apparently. 

However, knowing the fact how terrible last year was, and I still survived after all gives me this weird strength to carry on. It gives some me kind of positivity and energy for 2019. 

I get this epiphany that... maybe life indeed sucks, it still has loadsss of lemons to be thrown at me. There will be more cancelled and altered plans, and there will be other twists, turns, and surprises. Nevertheless, I shall focus on things that I can control and let go the ones I can’t. I shall control my perception and reception towards what’s happening instead of letting it affect me. I shall not waste my energy panicking and thinking too much on things that don’t matter like I did last year (and throughout my uni life also). I shall let go of my fear and let loose, be less rigid.

I shall focus on me and my personal growth, also on people that matters. I want to regain my confidence and cut all the negativities that the past might have caused me. I need to reorganize my life and construct my future plans.

This year, I want to be chill like I was in Bali.

[avasharpe]

Sugar and Salt

Chapter: Five of ?

Summary: Sara gets some life changing news and so she and Ava try and make it as a family.

Fandom: DC’s Legends of Tomorrow.

Relationship: Sara Lance/Ava Sharpe, Amaya Jiwe/Zari Tomaz

Characters: Sara Lance, Ava Sharpe, Sin, Gary Green, Amaya Jiwe, Zari Tomaz, Behrad Tarari, Kuasa, Kendra Saunders, Sin, Aldus Boardman, and Laurel Lance.

Chapter Rating: General Audiences.

Additional Tags: Bakery and Coffee Shop, Mutual Pining, Non-binary character, Trans Character, Fake Marriage, But Real Feelings, Food.

Read at AO3

Read at FFN

Two Chapter updates in two days?! What who is she?

TBH this has been in my draft box for a while, but my college work took priority and I was so burnt out because of it (Bio is hard especially when it's online and the teacher is a mess) so school is almost over and I finally finished editing it and here it is!

……………………………………………………………………

It was an unusually quiet Saturday at the Bakery, Sara had just opened a little later than usual since none of the usual early morning customers were in yet, Amaya and Zari were nowhere to be found and the kids were playing in the office. Kendra was in the back doing prep work, and Sara was doing some extra cleaning in the corners of the seating area and trying not to gag on the vinegar cleaner.

The front door slammed open, and Zari and Amaya rushed in, followed by Kuasa and Behrad. Despite their quick entrance and sour faced kids, Zari and Amaya both had dazzling summer smiles, and seem to float on cloud nine as they ran over. Behrad and Kuasa made themselves scarce and scampered off to the office.

“Hey watch the…” Sara popped up from under the counter with a rag, wiggling her finger at them both, but was quickly cut off by Zari.

“You guys,” Amaya sang. “We've done something amazing, I mean it's completely rash but it's amazing. We're so excited.”

“It's not too rash,” Zari said, putting her hand on Amaya's arm. “We have known each other for years.”

“Still, it's pretty rash,” Amaya said, looking over at her.

Sara looked at them and then over Kendra, who had come out from the kitchen, looking just as confused as to why they were acting and talking so outrageous.

“Wait, what’s going on?” Sara asked, but before she could continue her question Amaya started up again.

“Well we were talking this morning, and at first it was just an idea we started to look into...”

“And then we found this perfect place and called just because we were curious, we figured we wouldn't be able to book it for at least a year or so,” Amaya said, easily picking up when she stopped.

“But they had a last minute cancellation and had an opening for August, so we jumped on that and booked it, but we just couldn't wait so we went downtown to the courthouse and met with the judge.”

It was at that point that suddenly everything clicked in Sara’s head. “Oh no, you didn’t!”

“Oh, we did,” Zari said in both disbelief, but utterly happy with their decision. “I even have a dress picked out, it was my mother's and it fits perfectly.”

“Are they talking about what I think they're talking about?” Kendra asked in disbelief.

“We also have my parents’ rings,” Amaya said. “They're both very simple gold bands, and my mother's has just the one diamond.”

“But they're perfect,” Zari said, gazing down at the ring on her left hand.

“You got married?!” Sara yelled. There was no question about it with the two of them standing there.

“Woah, woah, woah,” Kendra said, holding up her hands and closing her eyes for a second. “Let me get this straight, you guys are engaged right now, and your plan is to get married in August of this year, in four months?”

“No,” they both said in unison.

“We already got married,” Amaya explained with a smile. “We’re just planning a formal ceremony that will take place in two month.”

“We've thought it over and it's what we want,” Zari added with a matching smile.

“Exactly how long have you both thought about this?” Kendra asked, putting her hands on her hips.

“Since we got together two months ago,” Amaya said.

“But when I caught you two making out last week you said it had only been a month,” Kendra stammered.

“Well, technically it’s been seven weeks,” Zari said, looking up as she did the mental math.

“Oh shit,” Sara said. The realization dawned upon her. Seven weeks ago she and Ava had started sleeping together regularly. Six weeks ago she had her period, which was now a whole week late.

“Yeah, oh shit is right,” Kendra said. “You two cannot get married after only a month and a half of dating.”

“Oh come on, Kendra,” Zari said, walking over to her. “You’re the one who always goes on and on about how you knew from the moment you meet Carter that he was the one.”

“Yes, I have said that.”

“And you two were engaged after six months and married after a year,” Amaya said, raising her eyebrow.

“Yes, but the difference between two months and six months is a huge amount of time.”

“We’ve known each other for two years.” Zari said looking over at Amaya with loving eyes. “We know what we're doing, and this is what we want.”

“I have to go,” Sara said, coming out of her daze. As much as she wanted to push aside her own problems and focus on what was going on with her friends, she had to know for sure if she was pregnant or not. She turned around and walked straight back towards their office. “I have to go to the store. I'll be right back.”

“Sara wait,” Kendra said, following her down the hall. “You can't leave. We have to talk them out of this!”

“I know, but...” Sara hesitated. She and Kendra had always been especially close, but this was something that she would usually keep to herself, although she hadn't had a pregnancy scare in several years, and she knew Kendra wouldn't judge her. She would be there for her whatever the outcome was. “Kendra, I think I’m pregnant and I need to know for sure.”

Kendra's eyes grew as wide as dinner plates, but she nodded. “Go, I'll cover for you and say we need some wine or donuts or something if we’re going to discuss this.”

“Thanks,” Sara said, rushing into her office and grabbing her coat and wallet, slipping it into her back pocket. “In the meantime call up everybody, Mick, Gideon, Ray, Nora, Nate, Mona, Ava, and definitely call Charlie. If anyone can knock some sense into these two it’s them.”

“Oh yeah,” Kendra said, pulling out her phone.

……………………………………………………………………

Ten minutes later, Sara stood in line at the local grocery store with a bottle of wine, a dozen donuts, and a pregnancy test. This was by far the first time she had done this, though she’d had a few other pregnancy scares since she lost her virginity as a teenager. However, she’d never bothered to buy more than one test, it had only been positive once.

She always thought that Sin was her one, her one pregnancy, her one kid. She wondered if this time the baby would be blonde like her and Ava, whereas Sin got their thick black hair from Len. Sara shook her head, she couldn't think about that, not until she took the test.

The cashier checked her out with a raised eyebrow, but let her take the test, the wine, and donuts. Sara walked over to the bathroom, and five minutes later she was sitting in her car with the wine and donuts in her front seat and the test on her console. She waited anxiously as the timer on her phone counted down, five, four, three, two, one. Her phone vibrated, and she quickly shut off the alarm.

This was it. Sara took a deep breath, closed her eyes, and grabbed the test. When she opened her eyes, she looked down at two very pink lines. It was positive. She was pregnant with Ava’s child.

“Oh mama,” she said. This was going to change their lives forever.

That is if she kept the pregnancy. She would be okay financially, she knew that, but emotionally and physically? She was so sick with Sin, and her body ached the entire time. The hormone changes put her on an emotional roller coaster, and having Len there kept her steady and helped her emotionally. Feeling Sin grow and kick inside of her, and now watching them grow and mature into their own person now, it was worth all nausea, all the pregnancy aches, the crazy emotions, the painful labor and delivery, the sleepless nights, and endless worry.

She knew that Ava would support her financially and physically if she wanted to keep it, Ava had always been so responsible. They would split time when they were old enough, but even that would be difficult for everyone, especially a kid. But would Ava want it? Like Sara, Ava had always thought of Gary as her one child, and Sara knew that she was happy with things the way they were.

Sara knew she couldn't do this on her own unless Ava was there for her emotionally, physically, and financially. Sara was so thankful that Len was there for her when Sin was a baby, and raising Sin was the hardest thing she's ever done. Sara didn't know if she could do it again on her own. She didn't have the luxury to think about wanting to keep the baby. She couldn't do it on her own, as much as she would love them. She and Ava had to be in this together, or not at all.

That's what she would do, she would tell Ava and they would talk this over, and then she would make her decision. She turned her key in the car and started it up, driving out of the parking lot and back to the bakery. Right now she had to stop her friends from making the worst decision of their lives, and afterward, she and Ava could talk.

……………………………………………………………………

Apparently, not everyone wanted to talk them out of this. By the time Sara had gotten back, pretty much everyone was there.

Sara held up the bottle of wine and box of donuts as she walked in, having hidden the test in her coat pocket, thanks to the cap she had placed over the “pee here” end. She handed the wine to Kendra and whispered that they would talk later.

“I'm so happy you're married!” Ray said, pulling Amaya in for a hug.

“Thanks,” Amaya replied.

Mona seemed to vibrate with excitement and let out a high pitch squeal.

“Aunt Mona, Please don't scream, it hurts my ears,” Gary said, with his ears covered with his hands.

“Yeah, stop with the squealing, there will be no wedding and you two will get an annulment if I have anything to say about it!” Charlie said, making their displeasure known.

“Anyone who gets married is an idiot,” Mick announced and Charlie nodded in agreement.

Zari and Amaya argued back, and Sara walked over to where Ava was sitting at one of the tables, pulling up a chair next to her. Gary sat down at the table next to them and started looking up at the poster for John Constantine’s show that was placed above him.

“Thanks for texting me, from the looks of it they're pretty set on going through with the wedding,” Ava said with a concerned look.

“No problem," Sara said, whispering to her. “It's gonna take a lot to talk them out of this."

“Well they have known each other for two years, and if this is what they want them maybe we shouldn't stop them.”

What?” Sara said, turning her head to look at Ava as she tried not to yell. “You can not honestly think that this is a good idea?”

"No, of course not," Ava stammered. "But they’re already married. We may not be able to talk them out of this and you don't want to lose your friends, right?"

"No, but we have to at least try."

"Okay," Ava said with a smile, and Sara sighed, happy to know that Ava was on her side.

“This is insane!” Nate said. his hands on the top of his head. “You two are insane!”

“That’s what I said,” Behrad added, and Nate put his hand on the boy’s shoulder in solidarity.

Things quickly dissolved into a squabble, and Sara turned away from the commotion.

"I guess we picked the wrong couple to bet on," Ava said, with a chuckle. "And this doesn't mean you win.”

“I wasn't actually trying to win anything, I was just trying to get you to like me,” Sara confessed.

That gave Ava pause. “You wanted me to like you?”

“Yes,” Sara said, looking over at her.

They stared at each other for a moment. Neither one had admitted that they had feelings for the other. Sara knew that there was a possibility of Ava actually liking her, but it was something they had never discussed. It had mostly been a friends-with-benefits situation before things got complicated with the feelings Sara had had for the last few weeks. Feelings she suspected Ava reciprocated. Now things were complicated with more than just feelings.

“Hey Mama look! Constantine is having a show next weekend can we go?” Gary called out, now standing on the chair to get a better look at the poster.

“We’ll see about that honey, but can you please sit down?” Ava said, in her teacher-mom voice.

“Okay,” Gary quickly complied, sitting back down and reading his book.

With everyone else weighing the pros and cons and trying to talk some sense into the newlyweds, Sara took the opportunity to talk to Ava.

“He's a pretty easy going kid,” Sara said, watching him read. “Sin usually doesn't like to sit and read like that. Watch videos or play games yes, but they prefer to be moving.”

“Yeah, some kids are just built like that. I loved to read and I read to him a lot when he was younger, so I guess he just sort of inherited it from me. We both can just sit and read for hours,” Ava said with a smile.

Sara smiled too, then remembered the other reason why she wanted to talk to Ava. “Hey, do you have any free time this weekend? I really need to talk to you.”

“Sara, I know you like me and I really like you too, but we can't see each other while I'm Sin’s teacher.”

“I know, and this isn't about that, I mean it is but...” Sara trailed off, shaking her head and trying to figure out what she wanted to say. “Look, why don't we just have a playdate with the kids. You can bring Gary over and we'll have dinner together. It would be good for Sin to make some new friends anyway.”

Ava looked over at Gary and then back at Sara. “I don't know.”

“Please, Ava?”

Ava seemed to think it over, and Sin got up from their place watching all of this go down next to Aldus and Kuasa, to stand next to Sara. Sara smiled and pulled Sin onto her lap, needing a bit of comfort as she went through her own craziness. Sin laid back and put their head on Sara’s shoulder, and they both relaxed.

“Okay, Gary could use a new friend as well.”

“Thank you,” Sara said hoping her expression conveyed her gratitude.

“Alright everyone, enough this is happening whether you like it or not, now you can help us plan a wedding or you can leave,” Amaya said, staring them down.

Everyone looked either content or defeated, and even Charlie huffed and sat down in one of the chairs, gesturing for Amaya to go on.

Sara sighed, the exhaustion of everything with Zari and Amaya and with her and Ava kicking in. At least everything was somewhat settled.

“Do you want to go watch a movie with me in the office?” Sara whispered in Sin’s ear.

Sin nodded and got up, but still held Sara’s hand needing some comfort of their own.

“Does Gary want to watch a movie?”

“He’s probably fine for now, but if he wants to later I’ll send him your way.”

Sara nodded to Ava who smiled as they slipped away, and Kendra caught her eye as she left, following her into the office. Sin got the movie set up, and Kendra caught Sara’s hand in the doorway.

“I’m pregnant,” Sara whispered to her, turning away from the room.

Kendra pulled her in for a hug and Sara melted into her arms. She and Kendra were pregnant around the same time, and they supported each other. Through the surprise of being pregnant and normal pregnancy stuff, Sara was there when Kendra got her C-section, when Aldus was diagnosed with spina bifida, and Kendra was at her side when Sara’s labor became high risk, then during the craziness of having newborns.

“What are you going to do?” Kendra asked, pulling back.

“I'm going to talk to Ava,” Sara said, crossing her arms. “I don’t know if I’ll keep it, but I need her to be on board if I'm going to continue with this.”

Kendra just nodded and rubbed up and down Sara’s arms. “I'll cover for you whenever you need it, and I'll drive you to the clinic or to the doctors. Whatever you need.”

“Thanks,” Sara said, pulling her back in for one more hug before letting Kendra go and closing the door behind her.

She flopped onto the couch and laid down as Sin crawled up and laid in front of her. “We're watching Into the Spider-Verse.”

“Sounds good,” Sara said, even though this was the 100th time they were watching it.

Sara put one arm around them as Sin cuddled up against her, and they both relaxed as the movie started. Behrad and Aldus joined them not soon after, but Sara was out before the so-so popsicle joke that always started out the giggles.

……………………………………………………………………

Ava wasn't surprised when they weren't able to talk Amaya and Zari out of getting married. When someone sets their mind on something, it was happening and she knew that despite the suddenness of everything, they seemed sure in their relationship. The one thing that Ava was concerned about was what Sara had said to her at the Bakery. What could she possibly need to talk to Ava about?

Gary must have picked up on her nervousness, as he was equally concerned about meeting Sin and Sara. He hopped from one foot to the other on the elevator, as they headed up to Sara's third floor apartment.

“What if Sin doesn't like me?” Gary asked, looking up at her. “What if she thinks I'm weird like everybody else?”

“You're not weird, honey,” Ava said, looking down, reassuring him and rubbing his shoulders. “You just do things differently, that's all. Just remember, boundaries and personal space, and try to alternate talking about your likes with asking Sin what they like.”

Gary nodded and Ava smiled, trying to put herself at ease as well. When they stepped out of the elevator, they turned to see Sara standing in the hall. A brunette woman was holding their hands together between them, as they talked in low voices.

“Mama, that’s Sara!” Gary shouted.

Ava paused, holding Gary’s shoulder to wait. Sara looked over and dropped the hands of the other woman, stepping back and crossing her arms over her chest. Sara gave them a smile and a small wave. The other woman looked over as well. She seemed to be judging them, as her eyes narrowed and looked them up and down. They continued to talk in hushed tones as Ava walked forward.

When they were a few feet away the other woman leaned in and kissed Sara’s cheek. Sara then reached out and hugged her, holding on tight for a moment, before letting go. Jealousy flared up in Ava, but she held it down. They had never talked about being exclusive, nor were they even technically dating. Sara was free to see other people, not that it still didn’t make Ava want to be Sara's one and only.

“Goodbye Beloved,” the other woman said.

“Goodbye Nyssa,” Sara said, giving her a soft smile.

Nyssa turned and walked past them, but not before she grabbed Ava’s arm, applying a tight grip. She leaned in and whispered in Ava’s ear. “Please, take care of them. However, if you ever harm them in any way, I shall find you and return the pain you have inflected tenfold.”

A shiver ran down Ava’s spine as she looked into her dark eyes, knowing that she meant every word.

“Nyssa!” Sara hissed at her and pulled them apart.

Nyssa let go and walked down the hall. Ava looked back at her as Nyssa did the same, before opening the door to the stairwell and disappearing.

“Mama, what did she say to you?” Gary asked, completely oblivious.

“I’m sorry Ava,” Sara said, ushering them into the apartment. “I didn’t know she was coming over or I would have told her not to.”

“You don’t have to apologize. You can see whoever you want.”

Sara opened her mouth to explain, but looked down at Gary. “Hey Gary, I heard you liked magic. Now Sin and I don't know much about it, but we did get the Lego movie game.”

“I love the Lego Movie!” He smiled, getting excited. “Emmet is my favorite. I didn’t know they had a video game! Can I play as Emmet?”

“We don’t usually play video games at our house,” Ava explained. “We’ve never really been into that kind of thing.”

“Oh well, you don’t have to, we can get out a game or some toys. Come on in, Sin’s room is here on the left.”

Sara went to the first black door on the left, knocking first then opening the door and peeked in.

“Sin, Gary and Ava are here. Can we come in?”

The door swung open and Sin smiled back at them. “Yeah come on, I’ve got the game all set up.”

Ava peeked in to see Sin’s room was set up with a TV, the game, and two bean bag chairs. There was a bunk bed and toy shelf stuffed into the small room with legos, books, and other toys strewn across the room.

“Sin, I thought I asked you to clean these up?” Sara asked, sweeping some of the legos to the side with her foot. “We don’t want anyone stepping on these.”

“Sorry Mom,” Sin said, crouching down and picking them up in the box next to them.

“Woah,” Gary said, looking over at the TV where the game was paused on screen. “Is that the Lego game?”

“Yeah,” Sin said, running over and picking up the controller, and handing one to Gary. “Here, I'll show you how to play it.”

“Wait,” Sara said. “I think that Ava wanted you guys to find something else to play with.”

“No it's okay,” Ava said, waving her off. “I just meant that we don't have any video games at our house and I usually try to limit the TV time. Would it be okay if they just played for a half hour or so?”

“Yeah, we’ll just set a timer,” Sara said.

Sin got up and went over to the doorway, hanging onto the door frame as they poked their head out into the hall and shouted. “Hey Gideon, set a timer for 30 minutes.”

A voice from the living room responded to them. “Okay, setting a timer for 30 minutes, starting now.”

“My friend Gideon works for Smoak tech, and one of her inventions is a google home type thing. She gave it to us for Christmas a couple of years ago, before the release.” Sara explained.

“Oh yeah, we have a Gideon at our place, I can’t believe your friends with her,” Ava said. They stood in the doorway, watching the kids start up their game and happily play for a couple of seconds.

Sara smiled. Sin and Gary got along pretty easily, as Sin showed Gary how to work the game, and they told him all about the Lego characters they were going to encounter. Sara nodded her head to Ava, and they both left.

Sara led her down the hall; there were two doors on each side of the hall, one on the right opened into a bathroom before finally the hall opened up to the main room. The dining room was directly in front of her, with the kitchen to her left, and to her right was a modest living room. The apartment was small, but cozy and well put together.

“You want any coffee or tea or anything?” Sara offered, taking a left into the kitchen and grabbing a mug from the countertop.

“Tea is fine, what do you have?” Ava asked, following her in.

“Well Laurel has a bit of a variety, looks like some peppermint, earl grey, there's a couple of others if you want to go through it?” Sara looked back at her, leaving the cabinet door open as she stepped back.

Ava looked over the variety and picked out an apple cinnamon type tea. When she turned around, Sara presented her with a simple blue mug full of hot water, and Ava put the teabag in and wrapped the string around the handle of the mug.

“I'm sorry about Nyssa threatening you in the hall. She's always been overprotective of us."

“It's okay,” Ava said, trying to hide her curiosity. “But you don't have to explain yourself to me.”

“I want to,” Sara said, looking at her earnestly. “She was falsely imprisoned two years ago and apparently got out a couple of weeks ago. That's why we broke up actually, she sent us away as she didn't want Sin and I caught up in the middle of a business war between her and the man who was taking over her father's company. He was the one who had her imprisoned. She just wanted to see us again and make sure we were okay. She was saying goodbye, that's all.”

“I get it,” Ava said, in a soft tone. “If my ex-wife ever came back. I would want to talk with her too.”

Sara smiled. She seemed to relax against the countertops, holding her mug between both of her hands.

“So, what did you want to talk about?” Ava asked.

“Let’s sit,” Sara said, leading her back out of the kitchen and into the dining room. Sara set her mug down on the table before going back down the hall and closing Sin’s door.

“We can open it in a second. I just don't want them to overhear anything.”

Sara’s worried look was back. It had been on her face from the moment she had told Ava they needed to talk back at the bakery a few days ago. Since then, Ava's mind had been racing with the possibilities of what Sara could have wanted to tell her. It was either about them or about Sin. Ava had logically thought it was the latter and had hoped that it was just Sara wanting to talk about Sin’s new math IEP (Individualized Education Program) in regards to their Dyscalculia.

Sara sat down and folded her fingers together on the table in front of them. She looked down at them before looking back up at Ava. She hesitated and took a deep breath, closing her eyes. Ava took a sip of her tea, trying to calm herself down. Then, Sara pulled out a stick and set it on the table in front of them.

“Ava, I’m pregnant.”

Ava froze as she looked down at the positive pregnancy test. The muscles in her mouth stopped working, and she choked down her tea, coughing and sputtering.

“You're what? You're pregnant?”

“Yes.”

“Wait, you're pregnant and it’s mine?” Ava asked, still not processing all of it.

“Well, half yours, but yes. There hasn’t been anyone else.”

Throughout this whole thing, Sara had remained somber as she spoke, while Ava was flailing around like an idiot. Ava took a deep breath and closed her eyes, taking a minute to process everything. Sara was pregnant, Ava was the biological second parent, and Sara was pregnant with their child.

“Okay, how far along are you?” Ava said, opening her eyes and looking over at Sara.

“I don't know, maybe five or six weeks.”

“Okay,” Ava said, trying to think about how to move forward and what Sara would need from her.

“Okay, that's all you're going to say, okay?” Sara flailed, clearly as freaked out about this as Ava was.

“I'm sorry,” Ava said. “I'm just still getting my head around all of this.”

“No, it's okay,” Sara said rubbing her forehead. “I'm just worried about this too.”

Ava reached over and took Sara’s hand, rubbing her thumb over the back of Sara's hand. “Have you thought about what you want to do?”

“Kind of,” Sara said, shaking her head a little. “I'm not really sure I just, I know that I can't do this unless you're a hundred percent on board. If you don't want to keep it, then I know I can never do it on my own.”

Sara looked back down the hall towards Sin’s door. “Sin was a surprise, and I went through all of this with her father, Leonard, we decided to keep them even though we were just straight out of college. We were young, and we thought we could do it all and it worked out, even after he died. I had my family and they were a huge help, but even with them, after Len died I found out that I was pregnant again. I toyed with the idea of keeping it, but I couldn't do it. I had an abortion, and it feels like I’m in the same boat now. I know I can't do this on my own. I can’t raise two kids alone. I mean, you know what it's like to be a single parent.”

Ava nodded. “Gary was planned, but even after that, my ex-wife, she just couldn't handle taking care of a baby. Looking back, I wish I would have gotten her more help, like a nanny or a babysitter. My mom was staying with us and helped out for two weeks, but after she left my ex-wife just couldn't handle it. She decided she didn't want Gary, or me, or the life we had built together. From then on it was just me and Gary, on our own, and I did it because I had to and you're right, it worked out. If I could go back and do it all over again, I would, but it was still the hardest thing I've ever done. I moved back in with my family and they were a huge help, but I couldn't have done it without them.”

Ava gave Sara's hand a squeeze and spoke again. “If this is what you want, then I am behind you a hundred percent. I'll go to all of the appointments, I'll buy everything we'll need for the baby, and we can work out something, but Sara do you want this?”

For the first time since Sara had told her they needed to talk, Sara gave her a genuinely happy smile. “Yeah, the more I think about it, the more I want another baby. Do you?”

Ava found herself easily smiling back at her, the thought of having another baby sent her straight to cloud nine. “Yes.”

Sara let out a breath and continued to smile, a few happy tears slipping from the corner of her eyes. Ava scooted closer to her and squeezed her hands.

“Look Sara, I don't want you to have to worry about how you're going to take care of this baby okay? I am here for you and for them, I’m gonna cover all the expenses so I don’t want you to worry about anything, and I want to be a part of not just the babies life, I want us, you, me, Gary, Sin, and this baby to be a family,” Ava said tearing up a little as she tried to find a way to say what she wanted to say next. “You know that I didn't have a family growing up. I was born into the foster care system and I just got shuffled around from the Sharpe’s who adopted me, but couldn't keep me, to the several other families who did the same.”

Ava took a deep breath; there was a part of her that still hurt from that rejection, and being forced from the first home she ever had when the Sharpe’s got caught stealing from their employers, even then Ava always felt like they were trying too hard.

“It wasn't until Nate became my friend in high school that he started inviting me over, and Dot and Hank, they took me in. They did everything that parents should when they didn’t have to and even though they never officially adopted me, I always knew that I was a part of their family. I just wanted to tell you that, because I want you to know that I will never turn my back on this baby or you, and if you decide that you don't want this, you can change your mind and get an abortion, or I would gladly adopt the baby.”

“No, no,” Sara said, shaking her head. “I want them, and I want you too, and I wouldn't abandon this baby or you like your parents and your ex-wife did. I promise you that we're in this together, okay?”

“Yeah,” Ava said, letting the tears fall and run down her cheeks as she let out another breath of relief.

They both cried, and Sara ran and grabbed the tissues from the bathroom, and Ava let Sara lead her over to the couch. They curled up together with a box of tissues and just held each other. Ava tenderly reached out and placed her hand on Sara's belly, and Sara folded her hand over Ava’s. Once the tears stopped, Ava started making a plan, something she liked to do to calm her nerves, and she found that it helped Sara too.

“My mom and I kept some of Sin's baby things, a few special outfits and toys, but I gave away everything else. I never thought I'd need them again.”

“Well, I kept most of Gary's things, even the crib, and the glider. I didn't think I'd use them again. but I just couldn't get rid of it, and there's one other thing.” Ava hesitated, unsure of how to approach the next topic, as they both had gotten excited as they planned for the baby.

“In the future, once the baby's born or maybe before then, I'd like to set up some sort of living arrangement together. If you want, I'd be happy to have you and Sin stay with us. I just think that with a newborn, it would be really important for both of us to live together so that we can co-parent. We don't have to if you don't want to. I just want to make this as easy for everyone as possible.”

Sara nodded, thinking about it a little and took a sip of her tea. “It’s a good idea, I just don't think we should rush into this. I think we should take it slow, you know, like weekly dinners and playdates. We're gonna be a family, might as well start acting like it.”

“That's fine with me,” Ava said, nodding and trying not to feel disappointed. Sara was right, they should take this slow. “I just want to be here for you.”

Sara bit her lip, before looking up at Ava and nervously asking, “Would you like to go out with me? As in, we start dating? I mean, I know we’ve talked and everything, but it's mostly just been a sexual relationship, and I'd like to get to know you more.”

Ava's heart fluttered in her chest, of course she had feelings for Sara. Ava had grown quite fond of her during all of the times that they had gotten together, and had been anxiously waiting for the right time to ask her out. She was just disappointed that she hadn't had the guts to make the first move.

“I'd really like that,” Ava said with a smile.

Sara smiled back at her and squeezed her hand. She let out a deep breath and giggled.

“Sorry," Sara said, hiding her smile behind her hand. “It's just weird, we're having a baby and we've already had sex, but now we're starting to date, it's just...”

“No it's okay, it is kind of funny,” Ava said with a little laugh.

"Well, I'm happy we're doing this."

"Me too."

A little while later, Sara and Ava relaxed on the couch, while Gary and Sin were making a castle in Sin’s room, having spilled the Legos all over the floor again. So far, they had already booked Sara’s first appointment with her OB-GYN at a time both of them could attend and had spent the rest of the time getting to know each other. At first, it was difficult, they already knew so much about each other, but once they started talking about work and the kids, things seemed so easy, and neither of them realized what time it was until Laurel had come home.

The second the door opened and Laurel called out to them, Sara heard Sin race out to greet her. Sara realized how close she was to Ava, and Ava caught her look and scooted over to give a friendly space between them, then moved her arm from around Sara’s shoulders to the back of the couch.

“Auntie Laurel!" Sin said, rushing into Laurel's arms.

“Hey, there's my little nibbling.”

“Auntie, this is Gary, we’re making a castle,” Sin said, gesturing to Gary who lingered in the doorway.

“Well it's very nice to meet you, Gary,” Laurel said, walking into the main room and setting her purse and briefcase down on the dining room chair. “Why is it so dark in here?”

Neither Sara nor Ava had realized the sun had already gone down and the early spring night set in, as they had been consumed with their conversation with each other.

“Oops, I guess we just lost track of time," Sara said, reaching over and turning on the lamp next to her.

“I'm guessing you haven't made dinner either?”

Ava and Sara's guilty face spoke for them.

“I'll get started on it right now,” Sara said, getting up and out of Ava’s arms.

“Hey Mom, can Gary stay for dinner?” Sin asked, walking with her into the kitchen.

Sara looked over at Ava who shrugged and said, “If it's okay with you, I think that would be fine.”

“We'd love to have you. If you'll help me cook,” Sara said.

“Of course.”

“Yay! Come on Auntie, I want to show you this castle we made!” Sin said, trying to drag Laurel out of the kitchen.

“Wait, I want to say hi to Sara,” Laurel said, digging in her heels to the carpet and giving Sara and Ava a quizzical look, no doubt inquiring into the manner of their relationship.

“But you talk all the time!” Sin protested.

“Okay, okay,” Laurel said letting herself be dragged away.

……………………………………………………………………

Dinner went well, the kids played and laughed, and Sara was so relieved that they got along. Laurel suspected something, but she doesn't say so in front of the kids and indulged in their playful behavior. Sara wasn't very hungry, her nausea kept her from taking more than a few bites, but she kept her tea warm and Ava brought her a pack of crackers with the soup, sending her a soft and knowing smile. Sara knew that this was the right choice. Even though it would be difficult, having Ava there for her would make a world of difference.

After dinner, Laurel and the kids headed to the kitchen for cleanup duty, and Sara and Ava stole a moment away in the living room. She was able to talk with Ava, even if they had to do so quietly, but it wasn’t long before both kids were jumping on them, interrupting their private conversations. It was getting late, but Sara didn't want to ask them to leave, nor did Ava seem eager to go. It seemed as though the kids had the perfect solution.

“Hey Mom?” Sin asked, looking up at her with their best pout and big blue eyes. “Can Gary sleepover?”

“Please, we'll both be really good! We promise we’ll go to bed when we're told,” Gary added, sitting next to Sin with equally adorable eyes, that Sara can see he got from Ava. “I’ll only get up once or twice to use the restroom.”

Sara looked over at Ava, who was taken aback by the question. Sara wanted to say yes, so that she could have Ava a bit longer. “It's okay with me, but you'd have to ask Ava.”

They turned their adorable eyes to Ava, and Sara saw her being persuaded by their cuteness and pleading, but she managed to compose herself and look over them at Sara. “It's okay with you?”

“So long as you're down for it?”

“Well, I suppose that's alright.”

As soon as the words were out of her mouth, Sin and Gary squealed with excitement.

“But,” Sara added, ceasing their celebration, “I insist that Ava join us as well. It's a new place and, we don't know each other that well, and I wouldn't want Gary to be uncomfortable tonight.”

Sara and Ava shared a knowing look. “I suppose I wouldn't mind having a sleepover of my own.”

They plan to have a movie night, and Sara helped them put new sheets on the bottom bunk of Sin’s bed for Gary. The two kids were now engaged in a mini lightsaber battle with two snake plushies they got from the fair last summer. Sara let them run off extra steam, while Ava ran home to pack them an overnight bag.

She tossed the old sheets into the washer, trying to avoid getting sick from the week old stinky kids smell. But there was one particular stinky sock that must have gotten stuck in the sheets, and she heaved. Sara turned away from the washer and fell over in front of the toilet, spitting up the tea and crackers. It came up as easy as it went down, and she was thankful that she had a light dinner.

Sara heard someone close the washer door and start it. She looked up to see Laurel pulling out the extra container of fragrance free soap they keep on hand for when they washed things for Aldus, measuring it out and putting it in the washer.

“If you want, I'll take over laundry duty for you, and we can switch to the fragrance free stuff?” Laurel offered, as she put the soap cap back and rinsed off the extra from her fingertips. “I remember how hard it was for you when you were pregnant with Sin.”

“How did you know?” Sara asked, sitting back as Laurel offered her a cup of water, and Sara used it to rinse out her mouth.

“Well, you're not exactly subtle, running to the bathroom all the time, taking naps, drinking tea, eating crackers, and throwing out my favorite lemon scented candle. That was a dead giveaway,” Laurel said, sliding down to sit next to Sara.

“I'll buy you a new one,” Sara promised, as she leaned her head on Laurel's shoulder, and Laurel put her arm around her.

“You could have just put it in my room or told me to take it to my office, but no, you had to chuck it in the dumpster. Not the trash, the dumpster.”

“Okay, okay, I'll buy you two new ones.”

Laurel laughed, and Sara knew she was teasing. They sat on the floor against the wall as the washer ran.

“Is that why Ava was over today, and you two were acting all weird?”

“We weren't acting weird,” Sara insisted.

“Oh please, you could cut the tension in the room with a knife. I'm surprised the kids didn't pick up on any of it.”

Sara rolled her eyes and shoved Laurel with her shoulder, then looked down at her hands.

“She’s the baby's other parent, and we're gonna try and make it work.”

“So I suspect I'll be seeing a lot more of them.”

“Yeah, we're going to try and do at least once weekly dinners and playdates, along with my appointments and other stuff.”

“I can't wait for Mom and Dad to hear about this.”

“Please don't tell them yet!”

“I promise I won't,” Laurel said, holding up her hands.

Sara sighed, knowing how both of her parents would react. Her mother would be over the moon. Dinah would drop everything to come visit and probably get overly involved, while her father would be excited for her too, but he would worry about her and he'd probably go after Ava for knocking up his baby girl. Sara should definitely get things settled with Ava before she told either of them.

Laurel leaned over to give Sara a hug. “No matter what happens, I'm always going to be here for you, Sara. But tonight, I'm going to go over to Tommy's so I can give you and Ava a little bit of privacy. Although, I suppose Ava can't get you pregnant again.”

The last part was said with a wink and Sara laughed and slapped her arm, Laurel feigned injury and wound up to strike Sara back.

“Wait, you wouldn't hit your pregnant sister,” Sara said, with big eyes and as she held her belly.

“You're lucky you're cute,” Laurel said, crossing her arms.

“Thanks,” Sara said, nudging Laurel’s shoulder. “It's going to be nice for Sin to have two siblings now.”

“Not only that, but you both get a whole family now,” Laurel said, and Sara knew that she longed for the same sort of thing.

The sound of a loud thump followed by breaking glass pulled them out of their sweet sisterly moment.

“We're okay,” Sin called out followed by a. “But we broke something.”

“Sara!” Gary said, running into the bathroom. “I'm so sorry, it was an accident. If you tell me where the broom is I'll clean it up.”

Sara sighed and put her hands on her belly, as it felt like the baby was making her stomach flip flop.

“I'll show you, Gary,” Laurel said, getting up. “And help you clean it up.”

“Thanks,” Sara said. Laurel sent her a wink and put her hand on Gary's shoulder. Sara wasn't the only one with a growing family.

……………………………………………………………………

They get the kids to bed pretty easily, both of them were worn out after the long day, and Laurel headed off to Tommy's not soon after, leaving both her and Ava alone. Sara's cravings have kicked in, and she was now laying on the couch with a bowl of popcorn, pesto covered chicken, cheese, and tomato stuffed pasta shells. Ava tried to hide her disgust, and she watched Sara inhale her food, and wrinkled her nose as Sara dipped the popcorn in pesto.

“It's not that bad,” Sara insisted, poking Ava with her foot on the other end of the couch.

“To you, maybe,” Ava said.

Sara just smiled and licked the rest of the sauce off of her fingers, before putting a plate on the coffee table and slowly sitting up, not daring to risk it coming back up.

“Well I guess I should make up the couch,” Ava said, standing up and looking around for a spare blanket.

“Why?” Sara said with a shrug. “We can just share my bed, I mean it's not like we haven't already had sex.”

“Well we haven't actually slept together before, and I don't want to give Gary or Sin the wrong impression.”

Sara nodded. “Well, it's not too unusual at our place. Whenever Kendra or my other friend's sleepover we always share the bed, so Sin used to it. Not that I've ever brought home someone without Sin knowing about them before, but if you're uncomfortable you could sleep in Laurel's bed. I'm sure it’s much more comfortable than the pullout bed.”

“I don't mind the pullout,” Ava said. There was a part of her that wanted to sleep next to Sara and find out what that would be like, but she wanted to take this part slowly, especially when the baby made things go so fast.

They got ready for bed, and Ava pulled out the fold away bed from inside of the couch and helped Sara make the bed. Ava quickly changed into her pajama shirt and matching pants; she brushed her teeth and washed her face before stepping out of the guest bathroom. She went over to the pull-out bed and crawled under the sheets, sitting up and pulling out a book. She had just finished the first page when she heard soft footsteps in the hall, and looked up to see Sara lingering in the entryway. She wore a pair of cute pajama shorts and a long sleeve shirt with a pair of pink fluffy slippers.

“You got settled okay?”

“Yes.”

“Okay,” Sara said, nodding her head, looking like she wanted to say more. “Well if you need anything, you know where my room is.”

“Okay, Goodnight Sara.”

“Goodnight Ava,” Sara said, giving her a smile before she went back to her room.

Ava only read for a little while, as she had already stayed up pretty late. She settled into the bed that was surprisingly comfortable, but harder than her mattress at home. There were soft city lights from the windows, and the sound of the busy street below was different compared to her quiet neighborhood. At last, she fell asleep, however, she didn't quite sleep soundly and woke up sometime later. She sat up and looked over to see Sara puttering around in the kitchen.

“Sorry,” Sara whispered, holding up a box of pasta. “I didn't mean to wake you. I'm just trying to find the granola bars I keep in here.”

Ava just blinked at her, as she watched Sara put the pasta back and held her back, rubbing circles with her hand.

“Do you want me to rub your back?” Ava offered.

Sara sighed in relief and immediately walked over, holding her granola bar. “That would be amazing.”

Ava moved to make room for her on the bed, and Sara laid down on her stomach as Ava went to work. She worked out the knots along her spine as Sara quietly ate, but before she was done Sara had fallen asleep. Ava didn't have the heart to kick her out of the bed, so she just put one arm around Sara and fell asleep next to her.

Unfortunately, it didn't last long, as a few hours later she felt someone poking her side.

“Mama? Mama?” Gary whispered, dragging out the syllables in her name. His favorite way to get her attention.

“What is it honey?” Ava said, opening one eye to see him standing next to her.

“Can I sleep with you?”

Ava opened both of her eyes and looked back to see Sara had rolled away from her.

“Sara's over there so there's room for me.”

Ava nodded and scooted back to make room for him. She opened the covers and Gary happily climbed in, snuggling close to her.

“Sara and I had just stayed up talking and we accidentally fell asleep,” Ava explained, hoping that he wouldn't question why they were sharing the bed.

“That's okay Mama,” Gary whispered, already half asleep. “You're just having a sleepover too.”

Ava sighed in relief at his explanation, but knew that she would have to ask Sara to leave the bed in the morning before he woke up.

Unfortunately, she didn't get the chance to do that. Ava awoke to feel the warm and soft morning sun creep into the windows. However, she soon realized she was stuck in between Gary and Sara as they had squished up against her. Each of them had an arm around her, and her and Sara's legs were tangled together. Sara's head was pressed against her shoulder blade, and Gary had spread out like a starfish, with one foot over her neck.

If she moved too quickly she would probably wake one of them up, something she wasn't inclined to do. As Ava gently moved, trying to wiggle out, she felt someone was watching her and looked over to see Sin glancing down at them. Ava immediately sat up, dislodging Gary and Sara from her side, but luckily neither of them awoke. She stared at Sin, who had their arms crossed and was glaring at Ava.

“Am I the only one around here who likes to sleep in their own bed?”

“I guess so,” Ava said, eyeing them carefully.

“Do you like to make pancakes Miss Sharpe?” Sin asked, with a mischievous smile that Ava knew they got from Sara.

“I do like pancakes, and you can call me Ava outside of the classroom if you want?”

“Okay Miss Sharpe, Ava, I’ll show you where we keep the pancake mix, but you gotta make the big pancakes, not the little ones,” Sin insisted, as they ran over to the kitchen and grabbed a stool.

Ava got up and followed Sin into the kitchen. They climbed up onto the countertop and Ava reached up to spot them, but they did need it as Sin found the pancake mix, setting it on the counter before turning around and looking back at Ava.

“Catch,” Sin said, and that was all the warning Ava got before Sin was flying into her arms. Ava carefully caught them and quickly set Sin down. Gary was never that brave, but years of teaching gave her quick instincts.

As they pulled the step stool over to the counter, Sin pointed out where the bowls and whisks were kept, and they poured a bit of pancake mix into a large bowl. Ava decided to add some nutrition to this surely sugary breakfast and brought out the eggs, along with some fruits and vegetables.

“So Sin, do you like cooking breakfast?” Ava asked, as she watched them mix up the bowl of pancakes.

“I love making pancakes,” Sin announced, whisking with the speed that told Ava, they were a pancake pro.

“What do you love about making pancakes?” Ava asked, trying to spark up a conversation. Of course, she knew Sin from having them in her class, but this was different.

“I like mixing it up and then watching it bubble in the pan, and I like flipping them over.”

“Well, you must be a pancake expert.”

“I am! I know exactly when they need to be flipped over so that they're golden brown,” Sin said, as they grabbed a knife, sliced off a good chunk of butter, and put it in the heated pan.

“Are there any other breakfast foods you like?”

Together, they poured the first pancake, and Ava made sure to fill the pan with batter, seeing how Sin's face lit up as she did.

“Yeah, I like cereal. Mom likes oatmeal, but that's boring unless you have the dinosaur egg one.”

“Yeah, that one's a favorite in our house too,” Ava said, dinosaur oatmeal was always the thing Gary begged for when they went shopping, but she usually saved it for special occasions.

Together, they quickly chopped up some strawberries and blueberries to mix in with the pancakes. Sin showed her how to flip the pancake in the air and make it land in the pan, while Ava taught her how to make a smoothie that they sipped on while cooking. Soon they had a breakfast feast.

Ava was glad to have this time with Sin, seeing them like this was slightly different than how they acted in the classroom. Ava loved being their teacher, but she knew that if things with Sara were going to continue, it would mean that Sin would have to be transferred to another classroom. She didn't want to compromise herself and treat Sin differently, because she was seeing Sin after school and dating their mother.

Even though she knew Nate's classroom would be the most logical choice, as his class was the smallest, Ava worried that with Gary being an almost sibling, Sin would be transferred to the other 4th grade classroom. Her co-teacher was older and had old fashioned methods that Ava knew wouldn't work well for Sin.

But they didn't have to worry about that now, and hopefully she could maintain her composure until she could successfully transfer Sin to Nate's class, or wait it out to the end of the year.

……………………………………………………………………

Sara woke up with someone else's foot kicking her thigh, and carefully turned away so she wouldn’t get a kick to the belly, but nearly fell off the bed and rolled over to lay on her back. She opened her eyes to see that it was Gary starfishing that forced her to the edge of the bed. She tilted her ear towards the kitchen, and she heard Ava and Sin talking, and the sounds of the frying pan going. Their happy conversation and easy banter made Sara smile. She carefully moved Gary’s leg over and tried to catch an extra hour of shut eye.

Unfortunately, that wasn't the case, as their other child’s presence meant that the snack and the late dinner Sara had last night bubbled up in her throat. Sara made a run for the bathroom and slammed the door behind her, not wanting anyone else to follow. She had forgotten how sick she had got while pregnant, and this time around didn’t seem like it would be any easier. Ava knocked on the door, but Sara didn't want Ava fawning over her and sent Ava away.

After her stomach settled, Sara took the opportunity to pee and wash her face. When she was done, she opened the door to see Gary waiting for her.

“Hey, did you need to use the bathroom?”

“No,” he said, just looking up at her. “Are you sick?”

“No, not really.”

“But you were throwing up? That means you're sick?”

“Yeah, but I think it's just because I ate too much popcorn last night,” Sara said, trying to brush it off.

“Don't worry, Doctor Sharpe M.D. is on the case!” Gary said, and Sara could do little to protest as he led her back to the living room.

Gary quickly ran off and grabbed Sin’s doctor kit. Sin didn’t really play with it, so Sara usually kept it in their closet, but Gary must have found it last night. He also got out a few packs of stickers and the real first aid kit that he said was in Ava's bag. Soon enough, Sara had a giant frowning sticker on her stomach, a band aid on her arm after she got a shot, and a thumbs up sticker on her shirt, for being a good patient.

Gary was currently checking her temperature and her blood pressure at the same time, while dressed in the cute little doctor's coat, with the stethoscope around his neck and his headlamp flashlight on his head.

“So you must like playing doctor, Gary.”

“Shhh,” he shushed her, adjusting the thermometer in her mouth. “You're not supposed to talk while I'm taking your temperature.”

Sara just nodded very seriously and he continued.

“Yeah, I like being a doctor,” he said, as he looked very seriously at the blood pressure cuff. “I don't like it when I feel sick, so I like to help people and make them feel better.”

He finally took the thermometer out of her mouth and the blood pressure off of her arm. He looked at the results and pulled out his clipboard, making a few notes that Sara leaned over to read.

“Is doctor second place to magic though?” Sara asked, scratching at the band aid on her arm.

“Yeah, but I don’t want to be a doctor, they have to go to school forever, and Mr. Constantine said I could have a job there when I’m a teenager, and that’s only five years away. But, for now, I like doing both, and Mama said I’d make a very good magician.”

Sara smiled as he rambled a little bit, so much like Ava in his professional and logical thinking.

They played for the rest of the morning, and Sara enjoyed getting to know more about Gary and his magician ambitions while Ava and Sin cooked breakfast. Once they sat down to eat, Ava sat next to her and Sara reached over to hold her hand under the table. This whole thing had gone extremely well, and Sara was surprised at how easily their lives had fit together. Ava was all in, and so was she. They were doing this, and although she knew it wouldn't always be this easy, she relished in the fact that in this moment it was.

[flauntpage]

Troy Aikman Trashes Doug Gottlieb for “Total Bulls***” Andrew Luck Take

Andrew Luck retired suddenly on Saturday night, resulting in a FIRESTORM of social media reaction. Some of the takes were intense, like a flamethrower attached to a cruise missile and fired into our Twitter feeds.

Among the most maligned was a Doug Gottlieb tweet that proclaimed the following:

Retiring cause rehabbing is “too hard” is the most millennial thing ever #AndrewLuck

Hoo boy! That certainly is a take. Gottlieb, who is now with FS1, took a lot of shit for that line, including this from Troy Aikman, who apparently is now my favorite Dallas Cowboy:

That’s total bullshit Doug. What qualifies you to decide how someone should live their life? So you’re now the authority on what motivates Andrew Luck? And if his decisions don’t fit into what you think is best for him then you rip him? Guess that keeps you employed on FS1. Nice https://t.co/p59DsmPoER

— Troy Aikman (@TroyAikman) August 26, 2019

Strong response from Troy.

A lot of people, of course, reminded Gottlieb of the time he stole his teammates’ credit cards in college, resulting in a transfer out of Notre Dame (he did, to his credit, apologize for that).

Even Britt McHenry, the former ESPN host and current Fox News personality – who seems to be universally reviled on Twitter – got in on the action:

With all the pro football you’ve played I can see where you’re coming from…..

— Britt McHenry (@BrittMcHenry) August 25, 2019

Right, so look, I don’t fault Andrew Luck for retiring, not one bit. I don’t know what’s going through the guy’s head or the type of pain he’s been dealing with for the last few years, nor would I presume to judge him for doing what he thinks is best for himself and his family. He’s suffered a laundry list of injuries and I think most athletes, especially football players, come to some point where they think to themselves, ‘hey, is this really worth it?‘

But I do understand the other side of it. I understand why people are being critical, and it’s not because of your fucking fantasy football team. It’s because he made the decision two weeks before the start of the season, which puts the Colts front office and coaching staff and 52 teammates in a tough position. It was the timing of the announcement that people had some trouble with, since the lack of notification didn’t give the Colts the required time to maybe reformulate an offseason plan or project their future salary cap and blah blah. That’s where the negative responses are coming from.

I think longtime NFL QB Steve Beuerlein actually did a nice job of articulating that in a series of tweets, explaining that the Colts invested 5 to 10 years in Luck while the quarterback himself spent much less time pondering the retirement decision. Beuerline suggested Luck go on injured reserve, attempt a mid-season come back, and then call it a career at the end of the year if he still didn’t feel right. That would have been a better way to do right by his teammates and the organization, according to the 17-year veteran.

Either way, it’s Luck’s decision, and he can do whatever we wants to do. I wouldn’t sit here and poo-poo that choice or presume to have the arrogance to tell the dude how to proceed with his body and his life, especially as somebody who never has and never will take an NFL snap.

I also think the 2012 draft class will make for an excellent documentary some day. ‘What could have been,’ featuring Andrew Luck, Robert Griffin III, Trent Richardson, Matt Kalil, and Mo Claiborne, among others.

The post Troy Aikman Trashes Doug Gottlieb for “Total Bulls***” Andrew Luck Take appeared first on Crossing Broad.

Troy Aikman Trashes Doug Gottlieb for “Total Bulls***” Andrew Luck Take published first on https://footballhighlightseurope.tumblr.com/

[junker-town]

Which NFL players are holding out and why?

Aaron Donald, Khalil Mack, and Julio Jones are a few of the players angling for new contracts this summer.

The NFL news cycle grinds slowly in the summer, and nothing causes more hand-wringing than stars skipping practices.

Player asks for more money, player skips practice, radio personality calls them selfish, player does or doesn’t get paid, player reports to camp, everyone forgets about the holdout, player has another good season.

Rinse and repeat.

There’s a handful of high-profile names skipping practices in 2018, all with the goal of receiving lucrative new contracts. For some, it’ll happen soon. Others are just setting the stage for negotiations in 2019.

Here’s a look at the biggest names holding out for more money this offseason:

Khalil Mack, DE, Raiders

Oakland reshaped its roster in a big way four years ago when Khalil Mack, Derek Carr, and Gabe Jackson were picked by the Raiders in the first three rounds of the 2014 NFL Draft. But for Mack, that meant waiting until the 2018 offseason to get a new contract.

Jackson signed a five-year, $56 million extension in June 2017 less than a week after Carr got a five-year, $125 million extension. That left the Raiders without much room to add money to Mack’s deal.

With deals done for Gabe Jackson/Derek Carr, Khalil Mack will have to wait till 2018 for new deal, per sources. Too big to fit under cap now

— Adam Schefter (@AdamSchefter) June 29, 2017

Now it’s Mack’s turn and he’s sitting out until the deal is figured out.

Current deal: Like Aaron Donald, Mack played out the first four years of his rookie contract and is set to play in 2018 on a fifth-year option. That means he’s due to receive a sizable $13.846 million before hitting free agency in 2019.

What he’s looking for: In the last three years, Mack has three trips to the Pro Bowl and 36.5 sacks. Only Chandler Jones has more sacks over that span.

Still just 27, Mack will also be looking to receive more than Miller’s $19.02-million average and become the highest-paid defensive player in the NFL. Mack and Donald are likely to get similar amounts, and that’s going to pricy after Donald received a six-year, $135 million deal at the end of August.

What’s the latest: Mack is reportedly looking for a huge amount of his next contract to be guaranteed, according to NFL Network’s Steve Wyche.

“He’s expecting to get paid significant money,” Wyche said. “When we’re talking significant money, we’re talking guarantees in excess of $65 million, so he’s in that quarterback contract range when it comes to guarantees.”

Wyche thought the contract would will get done in June — the same time deals for Jackson and Carr got done — and Raiders general manager Reggie McKenzie said earlier in the summer that he anticipated an extension getting signed soon.

But training camp opened and there was still no deal in place. In another interesting development in the saga, it was reported that Mack and head coach Jon Gruden haven’t even spoken during the offseason. Gruden disputed that and said he spoke with Mack when he first got the job.

Either way, discussions about a new deal haven’t been held in quite some time:

Leaving Napa, I’m told there is no present offer from the #Raiders to star pass-rusher Khalil Mack and there has been no contract talks with Mack’s camp since February.

— Ian Rapoport (@RapSheet) July 31, 2018

With so little contact between Mack and the Raiders, trade rumors have begun to pop up as it seems there’s no progress being made.

There’s no sign that a deal is close to getting done and now the Raiders have the option to fine Mack more than $1.6 million for his holdout.

Raiders DE Khalil Mack will not report to team before its second preseason game Saturday, per source, meaning he will be fined another $814,000, bringing his two missed preseason game total to $1.628 million. More important for both sides: there is no end in sight, per source.

— Adam Schefter (@AdamSchefter) August 16, 2018

According to Yahoo, the holdout is now expected to cost Mack regular season time, further fueling speculation that a trade may be the only outcome left.

Earl Thomas, S, Seahawks

After starting all 96 possible games through the first six seasons of his career with the Seahawks, Thomas missed five games in 2016 due to a hamstring problem and broken leg, and another two games in 2017. He even floated the idea of retiring when he broke his leg.

Thomas is still just 29, but his recent health problems and talk of potentially hanging up his cleats may raise concerns about his long-term future. But when healthy, he’s arguably the best free safety in the NFL.

Current deal: The four-year, $40 million extension Thomas signed in 2014 made him the highest-paid safety in the NFL. He’ll make $8.5 million in base salary in 2018, and has a $1.9 deferred signing bonus on the way.

But Thomas is set to become a free agent in 2019, and five safeties have received deals that average more than $10 million in the four years since he signed his extension.

What he’s looking for: Thomas will have to convince Seattle he still has high-level play ahead of him, which shouldn’t be too difficult considering he’s still under 30. He’ll likely ask for something close to Eric Berry’s $13 million per year average.

“I want to remain a Seahawk for the rest of my career but I also believe that based on my production over the last eight years that I’ve earned the right to have this taken care of as soon as possible,” Thomas tweeted earlier in June. ”I want to have certainty in regards to the upcoming years of my career.”

Shortly after camp opened, Thomas penned an op-ed for The Players’ Tribune that explained his decision to hold out and made his demands crystal clear:

I’m asking the Seahawks to do one of two things:

Offer me an extension.

Or trade me to a team that wants me to be part of their future.

What’s the latest: In the months before the holdout for Thomas officially began, the Seahawks traded Michael Bennett to the Eagles, cut ties with Richard Sherman, and cut Cliff Avril. Thomas’ partner in the back end of the secondary, Kam Chancellor, announced in July that he isn’t cleared to return to football after a neck injury that appears to have been career ending.

There’s too much talent on the Seattle defense to really call it a rebuild, but there’s clearly a generational shift happening. The Legion of Boom era is over, and Thomas was reportedly shopped by the Seahawks for a second-round pick, although the Cowboys rejected the deal.

It would seem that Thomas isn’t in the team’s long-term plans, although Seahawks coach Pete Carroll told reporters in June that the team will be in contact with the safety‘s reps over the next six weeks. That apparently didn’t happen or didn’t get very far if it did:

Pete Carroll says there has been no communication with Earl Thomas.

— Bob Condotta (@bcondotta) July 31, 2018

The storm between Thomas and the Seahawks has been brewing for a long time, and if it doesn’t end with a new contract it could get uglier. He’s prepared to sit out as long as needed.

Le’Veon Bell, RB, Steelers

The rift between Bell and the Steelers isn’t anything new. The running back missed all of training camp and preseason in 2017 after he received the franchise tag and couldn’t come to terms on a long-term deal in the summer.

In January, Bell said he’d “definitely consider” retirement if Pittsburgh gave him the franchise tag again. Two months later, he got the tag again.

So it should come as a surprise to no one that he isn’t planning on showing up at team practices any time soon.

Current deal: The franchise tag can be pretty lucrative, especially when a player gets it in consecutive offseasons. Bell is due to make $14.544 million for the 2018 season.

The July deadline for franchised platers was essentially the Steelers’ last chance to keep Bell on a long-term deal and one didn’t get done.

What he’s looking for: Bell hasn’t just been one of the best rushers in the NFL over the past four seasons, he’s also been one of the Steelers’ most productive receivers. In July 2017, he said he wants to be paid like Pittsburgh’s top rusher and No. 2 receiver.

More recently, Bell told ESPN’s Jeremy Fowler that he’s not going to sign a contract that averages less than $14.5 million per year.

That’d be a huge amount for a running back. Devonta Freeman of the Falcons has the second-highest average salary at the position behind Bell, but gets just $8.25 million per year.

What’s the latest: Pittsburgh had until July 16 to reach a long-term deal with Bell. Since no contract agreement was reached, Bell will play the 2018 season on his one-year, $14.544 million franchise tag deal.

Bell won’t be signing a new contract until 2019 and it will almost definitely be with a new team on the open market. That means his current holdout isn’t about getting a new contract.

He was in the same exact situation a year ago and didn’t show up to the Steelers’ facility until the beginning of September, skipping all of preseason. He’ll likely do the same this year, possibly even waiting longer to make his return to the football field.

Players who aren’t holding out anymore

Aaron Donald, DT, Rams

It’s over: On Aug. 31, one day after the Rams wrapped up their preseason schedule, the team dished out a record-breaking, six-year, $135 million deal to Donald that makes him the highest-paid defensive player in the NFL.

Long time coming: Rams and Aaron Donald finalizing a record 6-year, $135 million, including $87 million guaranteed, per source. Richest defensive deal in NFL history. Donald now tied to LA for next seven years. And he will be ready for Monday night opener vs. Raiders.

— Adam Schefter (@AdamSchefter) August 31, 2018

Current deal: Donald is still on the rookie deal he received after he was picked No. 13 overall in the 2014 NFL Draft. The Rams picked up his fifth-year option last year, which means he’s due to make a respectable $6.892 million in 2018 — easily the highest salary of his career.

But he received $10,136,500 in the first four years of his career and has played like someone who deserves the biggest contract of any defensive player in the NFL.

What he’s looking for: At age 27, and as destructive as any defensive lineman, Donald will likely be the highest-paid defensive player in the NFL soon. That mark currently belongs to Von Miller, who signed a 6-year, $114.1 million deal in 2016.

Donald is likely looking for a contract that eclipses $20 million per year, and has no reason to accept anything less. If the Rams don’t give it to him this offseason, they’ll be forced to give him the franchise tag or let him walk, where another team will jump at the chance to fork over a huge deal.

What’s the latest: The Rams and Donald seemed to be on good terms earlier in the summer and NFL Network’s Steve Wyche said there was a “lot of positive conversation” regarding a new deal.

However, no deal got done before camp opened and one report said Donald has no plans of playing on his current contract, which means his holdout could drag on, even into the season.

Donald had until Aug. 7 to report to camp or else he’d lose an accrued season toward free agency, but that didn’t stop him from sitting out. That means he’ll be a restricted free agent next year, giving the Rams more leverage.

Ultimately though, it doesn’t matter. NFL Network’s Ian Rapoport says nobody involved is putting much thought into that date, and the team would likely franchise him next year in any event.

Rams head coach Sean McVay said the team doesn’t expect him to show up until a contract resolution is met, but that doesn’t necessarily mean it’s a contentious situation.

“He and I have had good dialogue. I spoke to him last week,” McVay said in May, via TheRams.com. “Kind of like we’ve talked about, this feels a lot different than last year. Certainly any time you have something where the team comes together, to have a player that’s as important as he is here, you would prefer that. But it is voluntary. We understand that and we have a lot of respect for kinda what’s going on.”

A new deal for Donald seems more a matter of ”when” than ”if,” even after teammate Todd Gurley got a new deal.

“We’re simultaneously working to make Aaron a Ram a long time — that’s the goal,” GM Les Snead said.

Reports in the middle of August continued to suggest that a deal for Donald should be finished soon. Near the end of August, Pro Football Talk reported the Rams and Donald were closing in on an extension with about $22 million per year and as much as $80 million guaranteed.

Julio Jones, WR, Falcons

It’s over: On July 26, the Falcons and Jones came to an agreement on a revised contract that bumps his 2018 salary up:

Julio Jones' revised deal will net him an additional $2.9 million in '18. He received a $4.4 million signing bonus and lowered his base salary from $10.5 million to $9 million, per sources Bottom line: Jones will make $13.4 million instead of $10.5 million this season.

— Chris Mortensen (@mortreport) July 27, 2018

Jones then reported to camp with the team.

Current deal: Jones signed a five-year deal worth $71.25 million in 2015. At the time, it made him the second-highest paid receiver in the NFL behind only Calvin Johnson.

Johnson has since retired, but eight receivers have signed contracts that average more than the $14.25 million Jones gets. Leading the way is Antonio Brown, who gets an average of $17 million per year.

Jones still has three years left on his contract. His deal isn’t set to expire until 2021 — just after his 32nd birthday.

Why he was looking for a new deal: The list of players who make more than Jones includes Jarvis Landry, Davante Adams, and Sammy Watkins. None of those players have topped 1,400 receiving yards in a season — something Jones has now done four years in a row. Adams hasn’t even cracked 1,000 yards in a season yet.

The Falcons also had the freedom to move on from Jones after getting through the first couple years of a front-loaded contract. It would cost the team just $2.4 million in dead money if he was released after the 2018 season, and he could be cleared from the books entirely after 2019.

That seems unlikely considering Jones is still one of the best receivers in the NFL, but more long-term security is likely the target for Jones.

What happened: Atlanta’s dominant receiver has had reason to hold out in the past, but didn’t. So it was new territory for Jones, who didn’t get a brand-new deal.

There was a mini freakout for some Falcons fans, but the team insisted there’s nothing to worry about. On Tuesday, July 24, it was reported that Jones would miss training camp, but be ready to play when the season started.

According to ESPN, the Falcons informed the receiver he wouldn’t be getting a contract extension this offseason. The team has said that they would renegotiate Jones’ deal after the season. In the meantime, he was seeking a contract adjustment that would push some of the money from later years into this season, which is what happened.

Falcons general manager Thomas Dimitroff said in June that the team had productive and constructive talks with Jones.

“We have been in contact with Julio and his representation,” the statement reads. ”We will not discuss those conversations publicly except to say we feel they have been productive and constructive. We understand the concerns and thoughts from their perspective.”

By all accounts Jones was resolved to miss training camp and the preseason without a new deal or adjusted contract. And while fans may have been a little nervous about it, there was no reason to be.

David Johnson, RB, Cardinals

Johnson led the NFL with 2,118 yards from scrimmage and 20 touchdowns in 2016. But his impact was also felt in 2017 when a wrist injury kept him out of the lineup for 15 games.

Without Johnson, the Cardinals were No. 28 in the NFL in rushing touchdowns and No. 31 in yards per carry. The 26-year-old running back was brutally missed and now he’s asking the Cardinals to make sure they’re not without him in the future.

Current deal: Johnson is entering the final year of the four-year, $2,919,373 contract he signed as a third-round rookie in 2015. Unlike the first-round picks on this list of holdouts, there is no fifth-year option on his contract, and Johnson is due to become a free agent in 2019.

What he’s looking for: The standoff between Le’Veon Bell and the Pittsburgh Steelers makes it difficult to gauge how much any running back should get right now. A deal for $14.5 million is so much higher than the rest of the market that it would have reshaped all future negotiations if Bell finally got that number.

But he didn’t and that means Johnson could be the one to reset the market for now. The Cardinals running back will provide an interesting standard for what an elite running back is worth.

His next contract will undoubtedly eclipse the five-year, $41.25 million extension that Devonta Freeman received in 2017. By how much is the question.

What’s the latest: If Johnson doesn’t get a contract this offseason, the Cardinals always have the option to use the franchise tag in 2019. But the team has made it clear they want to get something done.

“I don’t think there is any question David is one of our core players and someone we look forward to having a long-term future with,” Cardinals general manager Steve Keim said in June.

“(It’s) no different from in the past, when we’ve rewarded players like Pat Peterson, Chandler Jones, Larry Fitzgerald, Carson Palmer, just to name a few. There’s no doubt in my mind moving forward that we will keep a positive outlook and again, look forward to rewarding him just like we have players in the past.”

According to Mike Garafolo of NFL Network, a deal for Johnson will probably get done before the 2018 season begins. While it hasn’t happened yet, Johnson reported for the beginning of training camp on July 23 after missing minicamp earlier in the offseason. His holdout is already over.

Taylor Lewan, OT, Titans

It’s over: Lewan got the biggest deal for an offensive lineman ever: a five-year, $80 million extension. His average salary of $16 million is also tops at his position. The 2014 first-round pick took over as a starter during his rookie year and has become a stalwart on the left side of Tennessee’s offensive line. He earned trips to the Pro Bowl in each of the last two seasons,

Former deal: The Titans picked up the fifth-year option on Lewan’s rookie contract, so he’s due to make $9.341 million in 2018.

Why he was looking for a new deal: The New York Giants set the market in March when they signed Nate Solder to a four-year, $62 million deal. Solder is three years older than Lewan and has never made the Pro Bowl, so there’s no reason Lewan shouldn’t have become the new highest-paid offensive lineman in the NFL.

Wha happened: Lewan ended his holdout and report to training camp before he got his new deal:

As the #Titans get set to report for camp today, sources say there has been progress in the contract negotiations for star LT Taylor Lewan. They aren’t all the way there. But progress toward a deal, which increases the likelihood he’ll report and have his reps keep working on it.

— Ian Rapoport (@RapSheet) July 25, 2018

Titans general manager Jon Robinson said in a statement in June that the team has had “several constructive conversations” regarding Lewan’s contract.

Statement from #Titans GM Jon Robinson at the start of mandatory veteran mini-camp. pic.twitter.com/WHjg0zEaYl

— Tennessee Titans (@Titans) June 12, 2018

The Titans are among the league leaders in cap space, so unsurprisingly, it didn’t take long for the team to invest in their left tackle for the future.

[bryanllamado]

ATM with Bryan | 16

School is in and yes, (despite the fact that the school year just begun) I am already stressed. Syllabus week ain’t syllabus week at all. I already feel the load of school works piling up–I mean, do professors give assignments right on the 1st meeting? Yes, they do and you can call me unlucky for that. Man, I’m still not over vacay. Not to mention that I have 7am classes on MWF. Uh oh. So before I drown in the deep deep ocean of academics, I shall give you your dose of ATM with Bryan for the month of August.

I have a lot of things to share but I think I’ll be featuring them on a separate blog entry–things such as enrollment matters, dorm life, love life, life in general, etc. I wanted to just compose a long entry and write everything there but that would be an effort for me (and effort on your side too, to read). The first few days of this academic year drained all the energy I save since summer. #thestruggleisreal I feel like we’re already on the major exam week! But before I start ranting about school works, I’ll be giving you a list of my ‘at the moments.’ Happy browsing!

CURRENTLY

Reading

a few articles for an assignment (all of which are about curriculum). And the winner for most number of assignments given on the first week of school is *drum rolls* none other than… Oops! I might as well not spill it. I guess I’ll be reading a lot this semester because I have 9 friggin’ units of Literature, which is more than the total number of Lit units in my first 4 semesters in DLSU-D. #sendhelp

Writing

This very volume of ATM with Bryan. Oh, before I forget, I also finished a volume of ‘10 Awesome Things This Week’ last time and I’ll be publishing it along with this one. So if you’re reading this entry, that means that the 10ATTW entry has gone live as well. #logic lol I also want to compose another entry about the first week of school but I have to wait until Friday before I can start writing it. #abangan

Listening

to Salamat by Yeng Constantino–somebody’s singing the song on a videoke (???). That, too, is one of the songs I sing on the karaoke. #factrevealed I’m currently at a local mall to visit a pizza parlor but apparently, the place is closed for renovation… so here I am, passing the time at the food court while drafting this entry. I hear a lot of people chitchatting in the background and it just feels good to be surrounded by life. Yay.

Thinking

about tomorrow’s 7AM class. I just heard that one of our 1 unit credit subjects was moved to 7:30AM. Holy guacamole! So there, I have 7AM classes on MWF and a 7:30AM class on Thursdays–RIP sleep. I’m thinking about how (the hell) could my body cope up with this semester’s sched when classes start so early. But yeah, all these ranting will not do anything to change it.

Smelling

chocolate pizza and lemonade–tonight’s dinner. I have a solo size chocnut chocolate flavor pizza–with peanut butter and nuts–and a 16oz lemonade drink. Damn, I should have bought a regular sized one (trust me, I could devour a regular size in one sitting). Lemonade is one of my personal favorites, much because of its citrus-y taste. Beyonce’s Lemonade is also a banger. Lol

Wishing

for a productive and adventure-filled semester ahead. I want to explore more to get to know myself better and grow; but at the same time, I want to be a full time student (typical ‘focus sa studies’ type of students). I also wish to always keep track of my priorities this semester and be more organized in terms of time and energy. No to cramming na ang lolo niyo! Pero walwal is still layf.

Hoping

for positivity in all ways always. You might be tired of me hoping for positivity but the thing is, positivity is a tough energy to sustain–especially with all the negativity around us. Despite the conscious effort of remaining positive, people will cross your lane and bring negativity. Utang na loob naman, don’t you want to live in harmony and positivity?! #goodvibrationsonly

Wearing

a cream colored printed top, a pair of gray skinny jeans and a pair of blue boat shoes–my OOTD for today’s theme of Earth Tone colors. I did not change outfits for tonight’s blogging night because I’m dismissed at 5:30PM; I didn’t have time to change anything in this comfy ensemble and rushed straight to pack my bag and go. It’s also an errands day go-to comfortable OOTD.

Loving

my Instagram feed. I’ll be changing themes by the end of the month but for now, I’m still stuck with the minimalist look–y’already know, the no filter slash slightly edited look of my feed. I’m loving it (to the point that I stalk myself too lol) but I’m having a hard time maintaining it. Hassle talaga magtimpla! But I bet my fellow Instagrammers are facing the same problem. #damaydamay

Wanting

to see a film or to from Pista ng Pelikulang Pilipino. I have picked a couple of good films to watch (along with good dates to see them) but the problem is, I need a movie buddy. I have! Haha. But just like what I said, I want to see other entries as well. #movieislayf so that means that I need more film buddies? Anybody free this weekend? Go see a film with me. *winks*

Needing

good sleep. Is it too much to ask for? *sighs* It’s definitely hard to keep up with college especially if you have other endeavors (like me and my blogger lifestyle, catch up time with friends, etc.). I haven’t had a complete 8-hour sleep since school started and it looks like the weekend is the only time that I’ll get the chance to catch up on it. Perhaps, I need a cup of coffee for homework time.

Feeling

blessed. With my busy schedule, I could not ask for more (aside form extra time to read novels and blog). I’ve been running errands since last week and I feel blessed that I get to take side trips and stop by some places and explore. I’ve been catching up with (some of) my friends and it feels therapeutic to unburden myself. Busy is the new blessed; too blessed to be stressed.

Clicking

Through my Google Drive files–just searching through the files that I can download here on my ‘for the meantime’ laptop. My original laptop is on repair (can’t wait till we reunite lol) and luckily, I have some interesting files on Google Drive that I can use to kill time when I’m not busy. I’ll be keeping you posted as to when my original laptop comes back. #baby

That’s all for now. Wishing everyone a productive academic year ahead!

Bry. x 081617

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[flauntpage]

Troy Aikman Trashes Doug Gottlieb for “Total Bulls***” Andrew Luck Take

Andrew Luck retired suddenly on Saturday night, resulting in a FIRESTORM of social media reaction. Some of the takes were intense, like a flamethrower attached to a cruise missile and fired into our Twitter feeds.

Among the most maligned was a Doug Gottlieb tweet that proclaimed the following:

Retiring cause rehabbing is “too hard” is the most millennial thing ever #AndrewLuck

Hoo boy! That certainly is a take. Gottlieb, who is now with FS1, took a lot of shit for that line, including this from Troy Aikman, who apparently is now my favorite Dallas Cowboy:

That’s total bullshit Doug. What qualifies you to decide how someone should live their life? So you’re now the authority on what motivates Andrew Luck? And if his decisions don’t fit into what you think is best for him then you rip him? Guess that keeps you employed on FS1. Nice https://t.co/p59DsmPoER

— Troy Aikman (@TroyAikman) August 26, 2019

Strong response from Troy.

A lot of people, of course, reminded Gottlieb of the time he stole his teammates’ credit cards in college, resulting in a transfer out of Notre Dame (he did, to his credit, apologize for that).

Even Britt McHenry, the former ESPN host and current Fox News personality – who seems to be universally reviled on Twitter – got in on the action:

With all the pro football you’ve played I can see where you’re coming from…..

— Britt McHenry (@BrittMcHenry) August 25, 2019

Right, so look, I don’t fault Andrew Luck for retiring, not one bit. I don’t know what’s going through the guy’s head or the type of pain he’s been dealing with for the last few years, nor would I presume to judge him for doing what he thinks is best for himself and his family. He’s suffered a laundry list of injuries and I think most athletes, especially football players, come to some point where they think to themselves, ‘hey, is this really worth it?‘

But I do understand the other side of it. I understand why people are being critical, and it’s not because of your fucking fantasy football team. It’s because he made the decision two weeks before the start of the season, which puts the Colts front office and coaching staff and 52 teammates in a tough position. It was the timing of the announcement that people had some trouble with, since the lack of notification didn’t give the Colts the required time to maybe reformulate an offseason plan or project their future salary cap and blah blah. That’s where the negative responses are coming from.

I think longtime NFL QB Steve Beuerlein actually did a nice job of articulating that in a series of tweets, explaining that the Colts invested 5 to 10 years in Luck while the quarterback himself spent much less time pondering the retirement decision. Beuerline suggested Luck go on injured reserve, attempt a mid-season come back, and then call it a career at the end of the year if he still didn’t feel right. That would have been a better way to do right by his teammates and the organization, according to the 17-year veteran.

Either way, it’s Luck’s decision, and he can do whatever we wants to do. I wouldn’t sit here and poo-poo that choice or presume to have the arrogance to tell the dude how to proceed with his body and his life, especially as somebody who never has and never will take an NFL snap.

I also think the 2012 draft class will make for an excellent documentary some day. ‘What could have been,’ featuring Andrew Luck, Robert Griffin III, Trent Richardson, Matt Kalil, and Mo Claiborne, among others.

The post Troy Aikman Trashes Doug Gottlieb for “Total Bulls***” Andrew Luck Take appeared first on Crossing Broad.

Troy Aikman Trashes Doug Gottlieb for “Total Bulls***” Andrew Luck Take published first on https://footballhighlightseurope.tumblr.com/

[junker-town]

What the hell is Ray Lewis talking about?

The Hall of Famer linebacker is America’s most confusing motivational speaker.

Ray Lewis deserves all the credit we can give him for his football career. Middle linebacker isn’t a position that lends itself well to sexy stats, but if you need a number to explain to the people at your fantasy draft about Lewis’ bona fides, use this one — the only player in NFL history with at least 30 interceptions and 40 sacks.

The doughy, old gatekeepers who decide which players get into the Pro Football Hall of Fame actually did something right when they decided Lewis was worthy of enshrinement on the first ballot.

The only downside to their decision is that it subjects us to another awkward public display of another thing Lewis is famous for — inspirational speaking.

Rousing locker room speech is really the practice of finding the right cadence and tone. The words don’t have to matter as long as there’s some mix of important terms like “our house, brotherhood, God, momentum,” etc. Lewis’ sideline speeches were apparently very powerful and complete nonsense, as pointed out by Joe Flacco. And yet, somehow Lewis has managed to make a career of speaking his mind.

Here, without further commentary, are my own picks for the most confusing, problematic and uncomfortable things Ray Lewis has ever said.

His Hall of Fame speech

It hasn’t even happened yet, but we got a sneak peek during Thursday’s Hall of Fame game.

Also, it’s going to last at least 45 minutes, AT LEAST.

Here’s what he said when NBC let him filibuster instead of showing Lamar Jackson play:

“This is why I never change, that moment always — and you’ll hear it a little bit tomorrow — but that moment always ends with the honor of God. It always does. So when I throw out my chances, it’s like ‘gah we did that ... we did that.’”

Huh?

Can’t wait ‘til Saturday!

On the subject of momentum

“People don’t really know how huge momentum is. Momentum is huge.”

It really is.

Ray Lewis prevents crime

Lewis has some zany sociological theories:

Ray Lewis said the contagious positive energy surrounding his induction reminds him of his playing days. "When I played, crime went lower in Baltimore," Lewis said. "It’s like, nobody needs to be mad now. It’s like everybody wants to be happy and celebrate."

— Jamison Hensley (@jamisonhensley) August 3, 2018

The NFL also prevents crime

With a player lockout putting the 2011 season in jeopardy, Lewis laid bare the dire consequences, as he foresaw them.

“Do this research if we don’t have a season — watch how much evil, which we call crime, watch how much crime picks up, if you take away our game,” he told ESPN’s Sal Paolantonio.

“There’s nothing else to do Sal.”

Well, there’s baseball ... okay, nevermind.

So much for solidarity

I can’t imagine Lewis’ fellow union members loved the sound of Lewis stumping for owners with that whole crime warning. I’m sure they were absolutely thrilled with what else he had to say about players fighting for a new collective bargaining agreement.

“It’s simple, we really got to remove pride. Seriously. There’s no other reason the issue is going on. That’s why I don’t get into words and all that other stuff, because it takes away from life ... itself.

I know the main reason players didn’t hold out longer was not because of Lewis’ admonishment, but it certainly doesn’t help the cause of his fellow players, especially since most players who pass through the league never get the kind of contracts Lewis signed during his career.

Ray Lewis mashing words together is funny. Being shitty is not funny.

Lewis is confused about Kaepernick

Speaking of shitty, let’s not forget the low point of Lewis’ career as a television talking head (seriously, what a terrible idea that was), which came just last year when he once again went to bat for owners, specifically Ravens owner Steve Bisciotti, criticizing Colin Kaepernick for speaking out against police brutality and racial inequality.

He actually started criticizing Kaepernick in 2016, with Lewis-isms like this:

“I understand what you’re trying to do, but take the flag out of it. [...] I think if Colin really just steps back, because to affect change, if you don’t have a real solution, if you ain’t seen as a true activist to go into these hoods and do these things on a daily basis and not just jump up and protest because you’re sick of this one thing …”

He failed to mention the “real solution” of Kaepernick pledging one million dollars of his own money, not to mention the effort to start a national dialogue over the issue.

He teed off on Kaepernick again last fall, following a nonsensical debate on Fox Sports’ Undisputed. He made Skip Bayless look reasonable! Then, posted an even weirder video on Twitter.

“If you do nothing else, young man, get back on the football field and let your play speak for itself. And what you do off the field, don’t let too many people know, because they gonna judge you anyway, no matter what you do, no matter if it’s good or bad.”

Lewis missed the part where Kaepernick WAS trying to play football again, but teams, including the Ravens, were blackballing him.

And that wasn’t even the end of it. Lewis made himself look like a fool over the whole affair, a grandstanding egotist.

Do not mention deer antlers, even with your hat!

That wasn’t the first time Lewis had beef with Kaepernick. He ago was apparently damaged because of a hat — yes, A Hat! — that Kaepernick wore after Super Bowl XLVII, when Lewis’ Ravens beat the 49ers.

Kaepernick wore a Milwaukee Bucks cap. Lewis reportedly took that to be a slap at him because of the whole flap over the whole deer antler spray Lewis allegedly used to help himself get over a torn triceps.

That incident has always been a touchy subject for Lewis. It’s also a good way to get him to stop talking.

Ray Lewis is here for Odell

Kaepernick wasn’t the only player Lewis counseled via the media. He had some words for Odell Beckham Jr. too.

“Where there’s no God, there’s chaos,” Lewis said on The Herd. “Odell has removed God from his life. This is a kid who grew up under the covenant of who God really is. And everything that he’s doing, he’s crying out for help.”

Uh huh. When asked about reaching out to Beckham, it got even weirder.

“It’s not what he said, it’s the commitment he started to make. So we started to make those phone calls, we started to have conversation. And then I started to see [that] he started to distance himself a little more, a little more, and a little more. And the moment — just listen to me, Colin, I don’t care about religion, I’m talking about a foundation. When your foundation is disturbed, when everything you’re doing is the opposite of what’s got you to this place, then you’re making your own bed hard.”

Okay then!

Conspiracy theories!

“I’m not gonna accuse nobody of nothing -- because I don’t know facts,” Lewis said, according to USA Today’s Nate Davis. “But you’re a zillion-dollar company, and your lights go out? No. No way.”

As with everything, Ray Lewis managed to bring it back to Ray Lewis.

“Now listen, if you grew up like I grew up -- and you grew up in a household like I grew up -- then sometimes your lights might go out, because times get hard. I understand that. But you cannot tell me somebody wasn’t sitting there and when they say, ‘The Ravens (are) about to blow them out. Man, we better do something.’ ... That’s a huge shift in any game, in all seriousness. And as you see how huge it was because it let them right back in the game.”

A Tom Brady hot take for the ages

Brady and the Tuck Rule

“The only reason we know — I’m just being honest — the only reason we know who Tom Brady is, is because of the tuck rule. There’s no such thing as a tuck rule,” said Lewis.

Water polo is apparently for weak fools who need hope.

“But we don’t need no hope. Y’all can keep your hope because we’ve got enough hope over here. We’re packing our bags, and we’re not packing our bags to come play water polo,” Lewis said when asked about playing the Jets in 2010.

Water polo is actually a very difficult sport to play.

“Pissed off for greatness”

“‘Cause if you ain’t pissed off for greatness then that means you’re OK with being mediocre.”

That’s what he told the Stanford men’s basketball team before an NIT tournament game.

That was just the main highlight. He opened up with what I can only assume to be one of his rejected Successories submissions.

“If tomorrow wasn’t promised, what would you give for today?”

Credit for quotes he didn’t even come up with

It says something about your reputation as a motivational speaker when long-standing clinches are wrongly attributed to you.

Lewis did not make up “stand for something, or else you’ll fall for anything” but the Ravens gave him credit for it anyway.

Ray Lewis was against Joe Flacco before he was for him

Lewis is either bad TV or unintentionally really good TV. Either way, questioning Joe Flacco’s passion for the game probably got him a quick phone call from Bisciotti. Lewis backtracked on it pretty fast.

Yes, he brought that back to himself too.

“It was just me being frustrated of watching something that I had control over for so many years, which was men and inspiring them to go on and do things.”

He also said this in a confusing direct appeal to Flacco:

“You’re a man, and you put your pants on one leg at a time just like everybody else. Listen, from a man, you’ll never hear it again. Sorry for ever even calling out your name in the context of making you try to be anything that I am or anything that you’re not.”

Weapons, God, you know, that kind of stuff

After beating the Broncos on their way to the Super Bowl in 2013, cameras got an excited Lewis riffing after the game.

“No weapon formed against me shall prosper, no weapon.” He hugged Peyton Manning, and then launched right back into it.

“No weapon, no weapon, God is amazing.”

I’m sure I’m missing more than a few, so if you have a favorite non-sensical Ray Lewis speechifying moment, drop it in the comments.