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plasma-legendary · 1 month ago

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welcome, strangers! it's about time i give this blog a real introduction!

as my info says - i'm Jay, & i really like Team Fortess 2.

i write primarily in Word 2010, in 11pt Euphemia, colored to #006666.

i don't have a DNI - i don't mind what you ship, how you identify, or what you believe, just please understand that all headcanons are unique to the individual & my thoughts on the game & its characters might conflict w/ yours, & that's okay!

the above being said, i am an adult, & TF2 is an M-Rated game. as such, i believe the writing i produce, & the characters my writing is based off of, are 'mature' subject matters.

my fics have been tagged accordingly, but please be aware that mature themes can & do appear in my content!

the main characters i've been writing w/ are:

Josiah, BLU's sniper, & Basil, RED's spy.

Josiah is 32 & expectedly Australian.

• BLU's sniper for two years

• he's very good at being by himself, & prefers it to the company of others; can become anxious in crowds

• has synesthesia, & often describes feelings as having colors or particular smells

• very likely to be autistic; has an acute awareness for the presence of others [cloaked spies included], & can 'hear' others due to a variation of hyperacusis [extreme sound sensitivity]

• has never met the RED sniper, & doesn't particularly care to

• does not have any pets, but finds wildlife fascinating; in that same vein, he appreciates music greatly but cannot play any instruments

• potentially asexual, but he admittedly doesn't give it much thought very often; panromantic

• isn't great at remembering to do laundry

• startles easy, & will almost always back down from being threatened, hoping the confrontation can be resolved another way

• can crack his knuckles simply by flexing his fingers hard enough

• has a brother he doesn't really talk about - not because they don't get along, but because Josiah finds him uninteresting, as he has a very 'normal' job & lifestyle compared to Josiah

Basil is 36 & proudly French.

• RED's spy for longer than he cares to admit

• left-handed

• does not speak in contractions - will always take the lengthiest possible form to articulate his words

• never apologizes, & instead turns phrases around, to redirect blame [i.e., instead of 'forgive me if you do not understand', it would be re-phrased as, 'it is expected for you not to understand', or something similar]

• unexpectedly social & eloquent with others, & enjoys get-togethers w/ intelligent, like-minded individuals

• sociopathic tendencies, which are often repressed in favor of making more pleasant 'first impressions' [this is to imply the actual, diagnosable, real-world condition of sociopathy - not a shorthand for 'sadistic bastard']

• is not scout's father

• handles pressure well, & can operate / perform to expectations regardless of any unplanned occurrences

• bi / pan-sexual & aromantic; believes Miss Pauling to be his platonic soulmate, & the feeling is reciprocated

• engaged in a very long & traumatic relationship w/ the BLU spy, prior to the BLU being hired

• part of a rather large family, but has not met most of his extended family / half-siblings

a lot more information is found in my fics, which you can read here!

you can interact w/ my characters if you'd like!

i don't mind other snipers / spies, even if the same team color.

you can also ask me questions about TF2 if you'd like! i used to play competitively, & i have ~10,000 hours in the game. [i just aged myself, didn't i?]

nice to meet you all [again! after all this time!]

#tf2 #team fortress 2 #tf2 fandom #introduction #blog intro #blog info #pinned intro #intro post #introductory post #consult the legend #text post #text #tf2 au #tf2 fanfiction #tf2 fic #tf2 sniper #tf2 spy #tell me about jay

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hajimehinata · 1 year ago

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i gave you all i had, i did

day 5 : sacrifice ( from @adfaugust )

all he’s ever done, he did it for this family.

tyler’s long been used to hours of work with little reward, underpaid for hard labour and chalking it up to his family name. the world’s out to get him, he’s always known it, has been told so time and time again by the holt matriarch. and he knows better than anyone that sharon wouldn’t lie, has been an honest woman from the day she was born. if she ever was dishonest, it’s cause she had to be, cause she wasn’t given another option. but ma’s honest, gets her way through respect built from her steely and admirable nature. sharon, impossible not to respect with her fingers poised elegantly around a cigarette. lord knows tyler gladly picked up that habit for a few stolen seconds of her company. always wishing blindly to soak up her presence, as if it would somehow cure him of his own inferiority, childishness she frowned upon. he always feels adult standing next to her — ’cept for when he don’t, when he feels like he’s quakin’ in his boots just being near her. tells himself it’s because he loves her, because he can’t stand the thought of her coming to harm. knows that he’s her protector and that’s all he is, and for a holt, that’s a blessing. no higher honour than to be at sharon’s side, making sure their shitheel of a pa don’t try anything.

never strikes him that he might be thinking backwards, that the person he’s afraid of is the very person he loves the most. so wrapped around her finger he can’t see it for what it is, embraced into her perfumed storytelling, lies that sound like the truth, until tyler can’t help but believe in her. she’s his ma, and she needs him, everyone does. shoulders heavy burdens so she don’t have to, under the firm belief that he had a choice, but that no sane man would choose the other option.

what man would leave his ma to suffer all alone? none that are mannerly or polite, none that really care for her. tyler’s signed away his life, all twenty-five years of it thus far and whatever rest of it that cruel fate gives him. quickly revises the thought, since he oughta be grateful for what he has — the opportunity to be there for his ma, for his brothers.

still doesn’t stop the white-hot jealousy from bubbling up in a weary chest when he sees how easily dale and jay are awarded with ma’s attention. don’t know the last time she called him sweetheart — or if she ever has. keeps blindly charging forward, since he knows why dale’s got ma’s heart; no one could hate a face like that or deny him a thing. and jay… as much as he don’t contribute, as much as he ain’t really one of them ( as much as his sensitive nature is rewarded when tyler’s was long stamped outta him, told time and time again that he’s the eldest and real men gotta keep their upper lip stiff ) … sharon’s affectionate towards the golden boy because he reminds her of that sister of hers. that woman who got herself knocked up and imposed herself on her charitable sister, only to wind up dead and leaving her screaming kid behind for sharon to care for like he’s hers.

( and if tyler had to pick up those motherly responsibilities, it’s cause ma obviously couldn’t, not after her own sister had died, and no one could have expected her to be well enough to take care of a kid or her three-year-old and certainly not her seven-year-old little man, the nickname brooke gave him as she pinched a solemn cheek still ringing in his head — )

— but ain’t he the same as brooke, now? running off to save his own skin when dale’s … a sharp pain lancing through his chest, solid evidence of how he’s failed the family. still feels the sting on his cheek when ma told him clear as day — he ain’t got this, he wasn’t responsible enough, never good enough. and selfishly he wonders how long he has to sweat and toil for … her approval, but he’d never say that. sharon don’t give out praise that ain’t earned, and tyler never earned it a day in his life. no matter how hard he worked. no matter how little he slept. no matter how kind he was to his charity case of a cousin.

and he’s doing everything he can, even if ain’t good enough, even if it ain’t perfect. tells himself this is the best he can do for the ones he’s lost — protect himself cause he’s the only one left to protect her. when dale’s gone, pa’s in some hospital after his act of cowardice, and they had to leave jay behind when the cops were too close for comfort. he’s the only one left, and sharon’s safety’s all that matters. they come up with a plan, her and her only child, and there’s an unspoken understanding that passes through ‘em. the knowledge that they’re all they’ve got anymore, that they have to stick together.

it’s everything he wanted. least, he thought it was. until jay shows back up on their doorstep and tyler’s left to stare. a brother back from the dead and the short-lived attention from his ma itching at the back of his ribcage. forced to think horrible thoughts, wondering if it was jay all along who took this from tyler. if sharon’s affections were only doled out to the youngest boys because that love’s finite, and because jay just had to be difficult, ruin things by taking that book and killing dale, the sting of a motherly slap across the cheek still smarting. can’t accept that he wants more than he’s got, so it’s jay’s fault. that festering itch getting worse until it’s damn near unbearable. it’s jay on the doorstep of the cabin and not dale, not his baby brother who sat on his lap and babbled to him in half-formed sentences, who didn’t leave him ( didn’t leave the family, comes the mental correction ) to go galavanting off in the woods.

still, tyler takes first watch. is used to staying up and expects that neither ma nor jay will wake up for a second watch. maybe he’ll catch an hour or two, but he ain’t counting on it. more important that sharon gets her rest, and it’s not like tyler trusts jay to stay up and keep an eye out. not after he found out about brooke, the long-kept secret that shoulda been told to him long ago, so he could understand why he’s gotta make it up to the family more than ever. if anything, he thinks maybe jay’ll try to slink out and talk to him. the lie weighs heavy on his chest, but it’s the most sensible solution. ma needs to go on the motorcycle, and jay can survive out here in the woods. if tyler stayed ( and his chest constricts at the mere thought ) … he’d die. still, even though ma knows that, it’s still his duty to stay back. even with this busted leg, even with his lack of familiarity of the bush of two rock. when jay wasn’t around, the solution was simple. now, it’s staring him right in the eye. his imminent death. the same fate as dale. loving jay, then dying for it.

the door creaks open, and tyler’s heart squeezes in his chest seeing it’s ma. it ain’t rare for her to seek out his company, whether it’s to unload some stresses or just cause he’s smoking at the same time as her, but that weary heart still jumps when she does. hard and clear evidence that he’s doing something right. but that brief hope gets squashed like an insignificant insect as soon as the words leave her mouth. can we talk about this canada thing?

shoulda known she was coming out to ask about it, silently curses himself for not realizing sooner. remembers the other mistake he made, telling jay about his real ma, and braces himself for a scolding that thankfully never comes. sharon’s not a petty woman, and she’s moved onto more pressing matters. wondering why jay can’t have the prized seat next to her on the bike. wondering all that when she’s whip-smart and definitely smart enough to know tyler’d die if he stuck around back here. and it all comes flooding out. a juvenile confession, practically sobbed out. a desperate begging for love he’s always thought he was above. is it so wrong to want to live? is it so wrong to want a shot at life even when it’s long over? all his life, he’s given her ( the family, he hurriedly corrects, because even now, he can’t stop the helpless fawning over her ) everything he has, everything he is. and here he leans against the cabin post, staring up at the consequence bearing over him like a giant. finds himself scared and utterly alone in the face of this insurmountable beast.

he just wants to live. and if that’s gotta mean just surviving from here on out, he wants that. if his fate was never to live his life, he’ll mourn it and bury it alongside dale. clenches his fists and jaw and tries not to let the grief consume him, crush that bad leg before he’s even got a chance to try to keep going. wouldn’t dale have wanted him to live? wouldn’t dale have wanted… and it feels blasphemous to even think, but wouldn’t dale have wanted his happiness? couldn’t sharon have loved him enough to want that for him?

but it can’t be about dale and it certainly can’t be about sharon, so it’s about jay, the boy who got everything tyler wanted just by being. who whines and gets his way, the eternal favourite and the one dale eventually left tyler behind for. but tyler knows he can still win. he’s just gotta convince jay to stay back. and he does. feels that affection he always had for the kid come back full force, all babyish smiles and hints of wisdom he don’t think even jay knows he has. tyler will miss him. he gets that now. wishes blindly and with all his heart that there were three seats on the motorcycle, even if the thought of sharing ma with jay was nauseating just an hour ago.

tyler trudges back to his world, leaving jay to his own. greets sharon with a weary look, disillusioned like he hasn’t been in a long time. no longer is he excited to be the only one left. misses his brothers, both of ‘em, like hell. but at least he’s got ma, his sole purpose for as long as he can remember. something nettles him about that. maybe it’s just that jay taking off didn’t make him feel any better.

that’s what he sticks with until one night at the church turns into two, and then three.

and tyler lays with his cheek pressed against a dilapidated floor and wonders. do we get what we deserve?

#as dusk falls #tyler holt #sharon holt #adfaugust2023 #pan writes #this is obviously inspired by the cabin scene and my intense feelings about it #and there's a lot i could say about it but i will say that this fic does not paint sharon positively #people do not seem to realize that both bear AND sharon have seriously abused their kids ESPECIALLY tyler #and the cabin scene really shows how for the first time in his entire life tyler is having an intense breakdown about #the absurd expectations placed on his shoulders #it's baffling to me that sharon would not stay behind if it meant her kids would be safe #ESPECIALLY since she goes to paul for help regardless!#but because both tyler and jay are so emotionally abused by her ( especially tyler ) it's never a question whether she should get that seat #leading to this huge fallout between tyler and jay #which tbf was already coming since we know tyler was dying to tell jay he was adopted #and he is severely in his feelings because he (AND LITERALLY SHARON) blames himself for dale's death #cannot stress enough that if dale dies from the sniper sharon tells tyler POINT BLANK that it was his fault. and similarly in the barn scene #if jay fucks up the two by fours bear LITERALLY tells tyler 'weren't you watching him? what's wrong with you?'#so like this isn't something tyler is just making up in his head. people ACTIVELY assign him responsibility over his brothers #in any case the point is atp tyler is DISABLED and there is no way he can make it on his own. leaving him there IS a death sentence #and while jay probably doesn't realize this there is no WAY sharon doesn't. why else would she abandon him and latch onto paul?#and i know she tells paul a different story but she is HEAVILY established as a liar/unreliable narrator in that chapter so #ANYWAY. i have normal thoughts and feelings about sharon and tyler's abusive ass relationship /lie

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