#smth that makes the present better
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clarabowmp3 · 2 months ago
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I can’t keep living like this
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wrmhles · 3 months ago
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Lt. Ronald Hollenbeck states: Cleven buzzed the tower with my airplane with all four engines feathered. That’s the kind of guy Cleven was. I had just gotten a couple engine replacements, and he didn't get to fly too much being squadron CO, so he comes over and says; "Hollenbeck, let me fly your airplane for you, I'll put some slow time on it" and the next thing I knew, is this God d--n B-17 was coming across just about 25 feet off the runway and I looked up and all 4 engines were feathered. He (Cleven) said "I wanted to do that all my life." (x)
GALE CLEVEN + GAMBLING [part 1/?]
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angel---eater · 7 hours ago
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i truly have no tolerance for this fandom shittin on random fans personal trans headcanons. someone saw themselves and their experience in this character, isnt that beautiful? why dont you mind your business and focus on your own fan stuff? wouldnt that make you happier? someones headcanon doesnt negate yours. what the fuck is wrong with yall. its playing make believe x2. its just a headcanon. real life trans folks are in active danger right now and some of yall are wasting all your energy abusing others over which pronoun set figments of someone elses imagination 'should' be using
#our t#this is *any* trans hc it doesnt matter the flavour of the trans headcanon. i dont have time for that shit i have real problems#if i see one more fight over jegbert or dave on this site i s2g#if june happens on screen like if we SEE june happen on screen then that will be canon. even for a single panel she will be canon#but genderbend aus have existed since the dawn of fuckin time and an au isnt gonna suddenly blast june's canon transness outta existence#like what are yall TALKING about.#and im saying 'if' w/ a heavy fuckin sigh bc while the hsbc team has stated that they have plans no one knows#when or where or how thats gonna happen. i want it to happen & i have my own hopes for how it will but we'll just have to see#but this aint abt rep yall just want justification to punch e/o in the face & call it 'fighting against ur intercommunity oppressors'#or whatever cause none of yall are brave enough to get organized#and actually try to make changes in ur communities.....headcanons will never be actual representation#as for dave. yall know that transmascs and cis boys also struggle with masculinity right? esp hegemonic pressures and ideals?#thats kinda what LE is about? thats why so many trans guys see themselves in the striders. thats why i think theyre supposed to be cis#but thats ALSO why so many transfemme folks see themselves in dave. and that should be rlly beautiful!!! we're not so different!!!#its almost like that power structure harms everyone in different ways bc of how we treat e/o inside of the structure!!!!!#i cant TELL you how many of my cis guy friends have cptsd from just not being allowed to express sadness or joy in an acceptable way#and davepeta being nonbinary only adds to this!!! davepetas existence in contrast to dave DIRECTLY MIRRORS roxy in meat/candy#but yall are never gonna be fuckin ready for that so what the fuck ever i guess#i just feel constantly forced outside of this fandom or scorned as a Bad Tranny bc im very literally in the middle of this shit#and i dont believe one style of presentation is inherently better or morally righteous than the other. like what are yall expecting#are yall expecting to be let into tranny heaven bc u wear a skirt and say 'haha yeah all instances of mascness is grossss' be for real#just rlly highlights the fact that no one in this fandom wants to care abt intersex trans ppl or hear them talk or try to#contribute to gender analysis. its not girlboss enough i guess. sorry for not drinking the radfem rhetoric thats embedded itself#into this site i suppose. hope the fandom gets better but idk i dont think thats gonna happen anytime soon#stop treating femininity as smth inherently Morally Good its all 'divine feminine moon phase' bullshit slightly repackaged#to include transfemme folks. which none of yall should want. its a direct pushback to actual feminism but ok all mascs evil bc LE i guess#im not missing the fact that this fandom cracks down hard on queer mascness & tries to 1:1 equate that hegemonic cismasculinity either#yall aint slick at all. sorry im just. fucking tired. feeling like i dont exist & my words dont matter
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deoidesign · 6 months ago
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#ok finally making a post about meds#I've not ever tried taking medication before. I was sorta raised with that classic 'dont rely on meds you have to learn to manage without'#I mean I was also raised with the idea that therapy is stupid unless you have 'real' trauma. and also like idk.#can't stay home from school unless your temp is over 100 or you're throwing up. etc. very suck it up mindset#so I was just really nervous to start. also of course worried about losing myself or whatever I know that's a silly fear but#it's also a common fear for a reason!!! anyways#so I finally was like 'I need to do something' when I realized I was so anxious I couldnt even get myself to go outside alone#like I just don't want to do ANYTHING alone to a detrimental effect. and it was butting into my ability to do my work...#for various reasons. but then ALSO adhd has been a constant issue with my work as well!#it is SO hard to write and draw on a weekly pace like I am without being able to focus#my whole life I've had these terrible nightmares constantly and I've always woken up constantly in the night#sleep has always been terrible so I've always dreaded going to bed.. ESPECIALLy because it didnt even make me less tired#it was more something that I just did because I had to.#but going to bed was always terrible. there have been times I was too scared to go to sleep for weeks on end...#I've been mitigating this for years of course. and recently I've been taking melatonin which has been helping too.#but I've also always struggled to get up. because I've always been EXTREMELY exhausted#but also anxious of what the day might bring... idk.#anyways it has all hit a point that I was like okay. I am doing as many coping mechanisms as I can. the psych said they were good too#but... it just has never been enough. it's never been enough to make me not tired it's never been enough to make me not scared#so I finally talked to the doc about it. and she was like youve def got smth wrong basically. which yah I know.. but yknow#anyways so I started taking wellbutrin. and I am so frustrated now. because it's WORKING#that constant looming sense of dread is gone. I'm excited to get up. I'm excited to go to bed BECAUSE I'm excited to get up#I feel like for years I've been holding on to the idea that I have to get up because I have to put something good out into the world#and I've been clinging to knowing that if nothing else. I am able to help other people feel better.#but now for the first time in my life I'm like. free of it. I didnt even know it was possible... and I'm so sad how much I've lost out on#and so frustrated how my whole life I've been told to put up with it and push through it. and treated like a failure for it being too much.#and just. It has only been 2 weeks. but the lack of anxiety is SO noticeable I'm so...#I'll never miss it. the adhd is still pretty present but like whatever. I can manage that better.#and I'm just crying because of all this combined.#I just. I hope I get to finally be the best I can be now. for myself but also for you guys!
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lupins-hehim-pussy · 6 months ago
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I wanna know ur Fontaine msq criticisms 👁️👁️👂I’m all ears
I'm not sure if you wanted me to talk about this secretly or publicly but! Here I go!
The TLDR: Fontaine MSQ aestheticised prison, poverty, child abuse, the justice system/court and didn't properly address any of it.
More:
Focalors/Furina has way too much of a sympathetic angle for a dictator who's lets people drown with her inaction.
Neuvillette feels Bad for sentencing some people to death/prison, but that's it. He's one of the most powerful people in Fontaine. If he felt like there are systemic injustices, I.E sending an abused Child to prison, he should be the first person to DO something about it, not just cry and be sad so the audience can be like aw, that's complex character writing isn't it? No it's not! And guilt doesn't absolve you!!!!!!! (These are stuff we deal with in OTCOJ read my fic now /j)
Meropide has children in it, both Sentenced there (Wriothesley) and BORN THERE (Lanoire), and this is just a quirk of the place. Not only that, Meropide accepts prisoners of all genders and crimes. There are abusers and abuse victims in one place. Do you know how bad that is? How much potential for crimes to happen in a place like that— oh wait, Meropide isn't under Fontaine's jurisdiction. If you are assaulted as an inmate it literally means nothing to the court.
Wriothesley had no qualifications when he took over. Depending on how long he lived on the streets, how old he was when he killed his parents, how old he was when he was first taken in by the orphanage, etc, the man might never have more than 4–5 years of formal education. Sigewinne probably had to teach him how to write reports. And do Meropide's spreadsheets. Edit because I forgot to elaborate on this one: This isn't a point brought up anywhere, which is bad, because when poverty and incarceration robs you of a proper education (and the rights to vote in many places too, too, by the way), it reduces your prospects for jobs, reduces many people's ability to get a home etc etc. Wriothesley was just, narratively, Given his position.
Meropide is an industrialized prison, and they portray this as a good thing. Prisoners are paid in coupons for their labour, and this is also portrayed as a good thing.
The One-Meal-A-Day reform was something Paimon gushed about being so great of a perk, that people might want to go to jail for food (could be interesting and reflective of systemic poverty if MHY had brains, but they don't, so I was just Pissed because essentially all Paimon wanted to say was "Prison isn't so bad, but still don't go to prison guys! Prison labour is really hard!"). By the way, in most real-world prisons they are obligated to feed you three meals a day. Because that's how much food a human needs. MHY went with one meal just so they can say "if you want to eat more, you have to work." And then the welfare meal is a goddamn gacha. So imagine you're a starving child who's too weak to work in the fucking robot assembly line, and you wander up for your first meal in 24 hours, only to luck in with a shit one. I'd kill myself.
They wrote Wriothesley, who's a victim of the system, into a guy who's say shit like "I'm the Duke I can do whatever I want" for a cool moment where he choke-slams an inmate (I know he was a bad guy. But also, in copaganda when cops are violent/disregarding protocols, they are always only portrayed to do that against bad guys, so what does our critical thinking tells us about this one?) They wrote Wriothesley, who was an inmate of a prison so bad, so notorious that it is the literal boogeyman of Fontaine, that has a legal (???) fighting pit, with an administrator who abuses his position to be unreasonable, to willingly stay in the place and become an Administrator who would choke-slam an inmate while saying a cool line about how he has the power to do whatever he wants. They wrote him, the guy who had to be fed on the streets by melusines, to think one-meal-a-day was a good enough reform (while he spends god-knows how much on his boat). This wasn't a victim-turns-into-abuser narrative either, they want all this to be seen as positive character growth.
And then, the final kicker is, they gloss over his entire abuse. You can only read about these shit in his profile, which most people don't because they don't Have Him or doesn't care to unlock it/read it online, and they jammed his entire backstory into a flaccid info-dump at the end of his character story quest. This man isn't Allowed to feel abused and neglected and show any reaction to it within the narrative of Fontaine itself, because if they actually Gave Weight to what happened to him, they'd have to confront THE FUCKING JUSTICE SYSTEM they had NO PLANS on criticising. I don't think they ever explicitly said the fucking Crime-Theatre nonsense was Bad either.
I could go on, but this is already so long. But yeah, I hope this gave you an idea.
#and then. and im putting my most controversial opinion in the tags bc im scared lmao. but like... then... you have the fans..... doing......#the same fucking thing.#the amount of times I have seen Wriothesley used as just a side prop for Neuvillette to feel bad about shit. While Wriothesley is just.....#portrayed as having the inner peace and acceptance of a fucking monk. I was shocked when I read some fics I swear#they really said this man has no trauma at all! the stuff in his past? he's over it!#i hate that passivity when writing victims. like ok if One is written like that#sure. but MHY write all their victims like this#I mean look at fucking Lanoire#and Neuvillette sentenced him to prison after he killed his parents who were never confronted by the law. That's canon.#that's more canon than WRLT itself.#why weren't they confronted? did wriothesley try to talk to someone about it? why did he feel like killing them is his only option ?????#at least have there be some sort of conflict and friction there. How does Wriothesley feel about the court and Neuvillette when#this is the literal system that allowed all that shit to happen to him in the first place???#are you Sure he won't be at least a little wary? the fact that some people think he's Grateful to Neuvillette or even idolises him is crazy#because the man literally subjected him to prison. and if you want to portray his prison life as easy breezy and trauma free#you undermine his entire shitty little 'prison reform' narrative#and if you think he'd be completely 100% accepting of the justice system. Then why the fuck would he kill his parents himself#don't you see that the whole 'I'll accept whatever sentence in order to kill my parents' thing in itself is an act of defying the system#and I Hate#this idea. about being some of the most powerful men in the nation. and yet they can't fucking TRY to set up a better system or smth#i can't believe I read a fic where leaving starving street kids croissants is the most they (the characters and the writer) want to do#like. what the fuck. the whole point of that scene is just to make neuvillette feel bad and be like aw......... poor people exist.... OK???#this is literally how MHY would portray him though.... tbf..... This is what ppl would argue as 'in character'#I just think the character they're in is bad.#I will say I'm giving the fic a lot of grief. there's more to the scene than that. and. ultimately.....#fanfic is (saying this through gritted teeth) ........ recreational....................and free........... in the end.................#i dont think this is reflective of the writer. I do think it is reflective of the way the canon material (genshin impact)#presents in the audience who consumes it. most fans only want these guys to fuck anyway. not think about systemic injustices#canon doesn't make it about the systemic injustices either so why should we. the aesthetic of slums and prisons are just there for fun guys#IM JUST CRAZY OK. I SHOULDNT EVEN BE HERE THIS IS NOT FOR ME . I DONT CARE THAT MUCH FOR PEOPLE FUCKING AND I CARE TOO MUCH
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teddybeartoji · 10 days ago
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i want (need) new glasses so badly but i HAAAATEEEEEE shopping for them it's always so awkward when the workers just glare at you the whole entire time lmao i understand that they have to keep an eye on the customers bc well what if somebody steals/breaks them right but man you don't have to shoot lasers into me
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sage-nebula · 2 months ago
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Okay, like . . . it was one thing when they did their little retcon of Edgeworth's evidence forging in 1-5 because he was such a popular character and I guess they felt that having him be someone who could've once forged evidence to get wins would diminish that (even though he was already popular, and also we all remember that sus as hell "updated autopsy report" in 1-2, like get real), but are they REALLY trying to say that Manfred didn't forge evidence either, that his penalty wasn't deserved, that it was actually Excelsius Winner who was the forger all along? Really? Why? What is the purpose of this? Do they think Edgeworth and Franziska couldn't be upstanding if their teacher was a slimebucket? Because a.) neither of them were at first (updated autopsy report, illegal detention center photos), and b.) that's just not how that works regardless.
Man. This game series, man. I just don't always jive with the choices it makes.
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asterrisms · 3 months ago
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if im complaining about batfam misogyny disclaimer i dont keep up with batman comics anymore in any sense but the eye twitching fandom characterization of both steph and cass...
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phagodyke · 1 year ago
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in a hilarious turn of events my flatmate didn't even know I use any pronouns....
#i thought when she was talking abt how her parents thought i was gonna come out as trans and kept checking my name/pronouns-#that the joke was that im ALREADY trans but in ways they dont know abt.... but nope she genuinely didnt know 🤭#to be fair. i dont rly let anyone in on my gender business unless we're close enough to be dating or its an anonymous online space#like im legally cis and thats fine. idc abt ppl using my name + she/her bc thats not my gender identity its just AN identity that i use-#to navigate the world without ppl being fucking nosy bc i pass as + am sociopolitically treated as a woman (if butch lol)#to ppl who are friends ill joke that my gender is dyke (true) and to friends whose gender falls on a similar spectrum-#or who are transmasc ill talk a little more honestly abt it bc theyre usually able to understand better than anyone else#other butch dykes w a weird gender going on are the only motherfuckers who actually Get It but theyre hard to come by tbh#to be frank i dont fucking know whats going on w my gender. and i dont rly care enough to do the introspection to figure it out rn#i have so many other problems in my life and im lucky that most of my beef w gender can be solved by presenting butch + binding#and using any pronouns around other queer ppl. its actually incredibly funny to me when ppl she/her me bc its like tch. this chump hasnt#unlocked my level of gender yet. pronouns and names in general are so far disconnected from the way i exist in the world...#its just smth thats fun for me to play around with + makes me feel weird sometimes but in ways i havent distilled yet yknow#and this has been my approach to gender for like?? 4-5 years now??? and likely will continue to be for a long while..#anyway. its not actually that surprising my flatmate doesnt know bc shes cis so ive never felt compelled to have a deeper conversation#abt gender with her. but also i could sweeaaar its been mentioned bc almost all our other friends are trans lol#and also ive been introducing myself at queer sports socials w any pronouns and i swear i talked abt that w her..... whatever#and my pronouns are on discord and shes def seen my tumblr before but maybe i didnt have them in my bio at the time... i digress#i kind of prefer cis ppl she/hering me tbh. theyre not able to they them or he him or whatever else me in a way that matters.....#altho i do find it fascinating when she or other ppl elect to use neutral or masculine terms for me. raising an eyebrow and taking notes#like when she got a job and joked abt me being her househusband.. pulling up the fem/masc tally chart and chalking a line up#a la nona the ninth.... ive been trying to figure out whos inhabiting this body my entire fucking life with no luck girl#ANYWAY just smth to think abt. im so tired i think my brain is gonna start seeping out my eyeballs#im gonna watch some more pluto and read and then -> 🛌#another 6:30 start tomorrow woohoo#.diaries#zzzzz
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fiendishartist2 · 1 month ago
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art youtubers are either the funniest ppl alive or theyre so horrifically annoying its a wonder they have anyone watching their videos at all. idk if maybe im just too picky about the videos i watch, but i hate those "i learned x skill in JUST 24 HOURS!!!!!!!" videos bc its like. so you tried it for the first time ???? you didnt learn that skill, you made a first attempt at it. i hate it bc it like sets a standard that ppl should be able to master a skill in a day or a week when actually you can keep trying a hobby for years and still learn new shit all the time. ive been sewing since i was like 13 and i STILL learn how to do new techniques and i still fuck up majorly!!!! bc you cant master smth in a few tries. thats not mastering, thats an attempt that looks good to the untrained eye
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dutybcrne · 11 months ago
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Kaeya wasn’t one to really get angry as a kid, but the very few times when he genuinely did, it was extremely obvious to everyone, in the way he carried himself.
#hc; kaeya#//Dude had/has like#//Mom type anger bfbfb#//Where his bad mood would just absolutely Contaminate the very room he was in and make the atmosphere utterly Suffocating#//He wouldn’t be confrontational about it either; just be absolutely Frigid; enough that it leaks through his politeness#//Which most of the time was at Luc (after antics gone too far or him pressing Kae abt himself/his past too much)#//Or maids who mouthed off and gossiped a bit too much; esp abt Addie. Which was the most frequent cause#//Only TWICE at Crepus; 1) directly when he tried to pry once; 2) from afar the day he died when Kae saw the Delusion on him#//And ONCE at Addie after Luc left & she tried to lessen the blame Kae heaped upon himself; in reasoning Luc could have; too#//He regrets that one most#//He’s not even overt with it; not usually. But still v palpable to those it’s directed at#//It’sa subtle storminess in his eye; a particular tension in his body.ACertain Tone in his voice; like an air of finality w each sentence#//It was far more obvious as a kid than present day; bc later on he got better at hiding it as smth else#//& as a bab; it was far more jarring to see him acting that way after being used to him being so warm and shy#//For Diluc esp; it was prolly a mad stressful affair each time it happened; no matter how infrequent#//One minute yer bro is jokin around & chilling; then he’s suddenly put what feels like leagues between you & kicked you off Dragonspine#//Tended to show up sometimes during their knight days at the others & ESP in his first few months as Cavalry Captain#//Except he was deffo far more willing to resort to confrontations over insubordination & challenges of his capability in latter#//Before he mellowed out again bc of Jean & Varka and really started picking up the silver tongue’n sly approach more#//It was more efficient seeing people fall apart seemingly from their own doings than do it himself & deal with the troublesome aftermaths#//Nowadays; his Vision acting up if anything is is main tell to if he’s angry or not#//Unless the person knows him REALLY well; or he genuinely can’t hold it back#//But that one is v extreme cases
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yoojinluv · 3 months ago
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starlooove · 5 months ago
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So which is it? Did Bruce treat everyone like that or was he only super mean to Steph bc of the writers? Like I’m tired of the excuses being made, if it was one and done whatever but the way Bruce treated steph did impact her story and then changing stephs personality to golden retriever blond doesn’t change that at all lmao
#fans when the character flaws are socially unacceptable 😖😖😖😖#like yeah a lot of tim and Bruce’s writing did reflect racism classism and misogyny of the writers#that doesn’t make their impact on the characters they were talking to any less racist misogynistic or classist#and i genuinely think choosing to ignore it in order to preserve ur image of ur white fave whilst completely changing the way steph Duke#Damian cass etc. behave is more racist than the writing#this is just to me#to ME changing the things tim said and making Steph a ditzy Girlboss blond is more misogynistic than ANYTHING they could’ve written#at least they had a point where growth could happen and the possibility to give Steph a backbone#y’all just say tim is a coffee addict and go#and It’s the personality shifts that bother me the most#like this most recent Damian is ass sorry#like in canon making his relationship with Bruce good or closer than it actually was….#and ppl saying Bruce changed post death like no he hugged Damian once lmao#like that didn’t change a damn thing between them before#and if it was presented as codependency and trauma bonding whatever but it’s not they just act like he was always a difficult fave#which fuels racist fans who already thought that even more#yuck#and every single personality shift that happens is to prop Bruce up and by extension tim bc the meanest thing dc does to him is nothing#like y’all think tim is most hated NOT true#he’s badly written in the sense that his personality becomes being the perfect soldier for Bruce#which y’all play into by doing the same shit downplaying everyone else but making him pissed about it#get real#if I see another fic or hc about how Damian actually can’t withstand torture or needs Tim’s help to hack smth 😭#y’all can’t stand that Damian IS talented it’s so sick like his whole issue is that he’s a kid with kid emotions who knows how to do all#this shit and mentally knows he ‘should’ behave differently and fails in an effort to go towards that bc he doesn’t take him still being a#kid into account UNLESS it’s an advantage. saying ur a better writer than dc by saying Talia was play fighting? ok…#when ppl are like ‘Talia/Ra’s would never respect a kid enough to do XYZ…’ THATS THE POINT!!#anyways sorry tiktok vid pissed me off this went everywhere
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arolesbianism · 5 months ago
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Harold tell your son to post some selfies I need to draw him stat
#rat rambles#oni posting#hi Im still not asleep because Im thinking too hard abt oni#god Im so proud of you harold you made it big you have earned the huge award of being the first scientist with a confirmed named child#and not only that but one thats like relevant and might end up being duped themself#harold you made it big Im so happy for you everyone cheer and clap for my boy#and congrats to gossmann for getting a first initial ig#but yeah calvin design when also I just wanna know more abt this funky lil man#also also I need to know if harold is a good dad or not god I hope he is#if hes not I can live with it but I'd much prefer he be a good dad who supports his revolutionary son#all of my curiosity for the current actual new duplicant girl has completely died Im calvin pilled now#although tbf the new girl is not a presence in any of the new logs so its not like shes had a chance to catch my attention#and her dupe description isnt doing her any favors either#maybe if she was nonbinary Id care more lol#she still feels very weird compared to every other dupe I hope she does get some lore present to make her fit in more#I think itd be funny if her donor looked nothing like her and was just some lady and gravitas decided to get funky with it and try to make#a new unique dupe to experiment more with duplicant biology#this is baded on one of her odd quirks that makes her feel weird which is that shes guaranteed to have the cold resistant trait#I think itd be neat if she was a dupe who was specifically designed to better handle the cold#maybe they tried this with her and decided it took way too much time and resources to make specialized dupes like that#idk if they do smth like that with her then I might be able to be a fan of her's but otherwise they have some heavy lifting to do
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spotsupstuff · 1 year ago
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With your meta approach that void fluid should never have been harnessed in the first place, how do your iterators feel about their existences, which rely on it? Do any of them wish to be a part of the Cycle, how many of them wish none of them were ever built? Maybe this question is presumptuous in which case apologies
"meta" sdjklgsdjlgksmclkdsgjk that sure is a one way to call my daring decision to introduce that idea into the world
with the Sparrows' Dad question answered i suppose these questions have been sort of answered, but- no Iterator believes the Void Fluid should've never been found or used. the notion of it sounds silly at best, offensive and idiotic at worst. that whole thought is rooted in some low circles were they manage to still believe in the original religions or manage to cling on to their traditions. the Void stuff is, to a degree, a solid standing point of the Global Religion which is what the Iterators are meant to exclusively work with. anything outside of it is considered nonsense. it's basically like asking one of those toxic Christian people to consider accepting a piece of Hinduism into their faith or smth. it's unthinkable, even though the pagan religions and the Global Religion have a lot of stuff in common as a result of the spiritual being tangible thing to a degree of it being science
like Euros' whole religious journey is one to behold, because it has no business existing cuz of this divide of ideas
he starts off with a really religious colony that looks up to him as an actual god, with the Houses and his first Mechanic cementing this idea of him being a real proper holy being into his mind. then Sparrows comes by and by being so casual and nonchalant about everything she starts making him doubt his status. then she tells him she's a pagan and he ridicules it. one day she complains about her noodles being cold and "Man, would it be cool to have godly powers and just warm this stuff up with snap of fingers" and Euros, with a puffed up chest, exclaims he can do it right there and then
but Iterators don't have any heating stuff in their puppet chambers. so instead he accidentally brain blasts it while he tries to figure out how to use the gravity control in his chamber to generate some heat for this stuff. Sparrows mourns her splattered-all-over-the-place food while he has an existential crisis because yes. he really couldn't warm a single bowl of noodles up. a God would be able to. he isn't a God despite almost a century of people telling him he is
he doesn't tell Sparrows about how fucked up he is over this, just keeps it to himself to ponder while he keeps absorbing the already known information on the Big Question. Sparrows brings a wheel flower with herself one day and well, they are both a lil bit of children on the inside so they fool around with it, Sparrows takes a lil bit of it even though Euros doesn't know how to guide a first timer through such an experience and it ends with her crying her eyes out because it was just too much. she says she will never do this again. he takes an issue with this, because he's worried. he brings it up to her- "don't write it all off so fatally *please,* you know if you don't work on yourself spiritually- who knows what you will end up reincarnated as? that is a path to suffering." and she gets sorta angry with him and tells him that she doesn't care for that. his life mission and she flat out says that. not to be Mean, he knows she respects why he's here, she's simply talking about herself. only herself. "even if you find the solution to the Great Problem, *i* won't be taking it. i don't care for it." is what she essentially communicates with it
and that fucks him up even Further, because at this point they've been dating each other for around 5 or 6 years. he loves her endlessly. he knows she loves him endlessly too (she's already made that trip to Zephyr... went through her first deaths without comfort for the sake of His family that despises her. he doesn't doubt her love for him). but Still. if he does what he is made for, stopping these repeating deaths- which he started to think of as doing for Her sake, after she came back to him from Zephyr all emotional worn out n destroyed because of her deaths- she will not care for it personally
so what is he doing here. he's not a God, if he succeeds in the purpose of his life it won't hold much meaning for the most important person from the people he's doing this for... what is any of this for. what is he for. he's so infinitely smart and he Does Not Know
so one day he asks Sparrows to teach him how to pray. and worship. in her own religion that is supposed to be more or less banned to him by context, the one she doesn't really care to faithfully follow herself
she shows him how to after getting over her surprised and uncertainty (as an Iterator he's not. supposed to indulge the pagan stuff This much. as a man-made "God", he isn't supposed to worship a different God). he asks about stuff and she tries her best to explain from what she does know. then redirects him to her farm district to try looking for more information there, since she's kind of dumb in this stuff
he learns more and comes to the conclusion about the Void and how it would've been better if it was left alone all by himself. would've been better if he and his family never existed. he ponders it a while and then decides to just shrug about it and keep it to himself. no point agonizing about woulds and shoulds. he just has to keep living his life as the best person he can be
so that's the thoughts on that of the only Iterator who ever touched on it
and none of them wish to be a part of the cycle. the cycle Sucks compared to what they have going on (strange immortality and almost complete invincibility). for the most part they are quite content being as they are- giant cuboids in the sky made up of millions of little dudes. only Euros, again, ever ends up wishing he could just Leave himself and one day just die. just like any other victim of the cabin fever
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igneouswyvern · 1 year ago
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being the only fan of something is so great because i am the sole ruler of this kingdom. no one is around to tell me my headcanons suck or that all the characters are ooc
however it also sucks because i am the only fan. no one is around to support my headcanons or tell me they love my portrayal of the characters
#in a way i'm really glad there's no celceta fans. i don't think i could take meeting another person who knows the game#building your house out of donuts and all that#same with zestiria i'm very glad there's no one around to tell me how ooc sorey is in my mind palace or any of that#but god it would be nice to have a friend to bounce ideas off of once in a while. get some positive reinforcement in this echo chamber#of mine#altho the thing is i don't really have these kinds of elaborate aus and stories and headcanons for stuff with an actual fandom.#i love psychonauts with all my heart but the simple fact that there are other people who enjoy it just makes me feel shyer or smth#like i know that these people have played the games a million times more than i have and are a million times more obsessed with the charact#characters than i am so why should i bother developing my own headcanons abt these characters when there are people out there who do it muc#much better than i ever could. so why bother at all you know#that's why i tend to be a passive enjoyer of most things i care about on here#i'm not out here giving complex and unique takes on psychonauts or mario plots or characters#i'm just gonna enjoy what's presented to me by people who are cooler than me#and when i do have original thoughts it's only gonna be about stuff nobody else gives a flying fuck about. like tales or ys or tok#which is kind of sad! i'm not gonna lie!#but i guess i do this to myself huh. if i managed to find an ys fan they'd probably scare me out of my own theories#idk man. theres not really a solution is there#wyvern rambles
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