#hmmm aircon n lights keep doing this weird thibg
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im gonna say something (admit) and no one can Say a Fucking Word Alright.
#the fact that my room was alreasy hard ti skeep in . bc trauma n relationships or wtv i called it#and like ive struggled to keep anything fucking clean im gonna be socreal. its so fucking difficult.#but idk i . theres a small part of me that diesnt wanna clean it bc even tho . ive Wiped the areas#down and like sprayed thw carpet#theres fucking . traces of my cat still all over thst room (inckuding unfortunately piss)#and i sont . idk i know its gross but a part if me is hesitant to ckean my room bx like .#idk . she cant steo in there ans markcher territory or make it Her Soace anymore.#like shes been dead for months and im still finding cat furr everywhere bc i just dint wanna ckean anyrhing i know#shes been#apart fromclike . xlothes and stuff .#for the record i dont actually step foot in my roon n my dokr stays Closed. so i dont axrually .#yea im not vathing in my cats fucking piss or anything. she pissed in there and i hakf assed cleaned it.#i also thibk she pissed in a box and im furious abt that STILL . vitch lwmme play soccer w ur ghost#anyway. i miss her a kot and i thibk im edging sone of thst grief still.#or i acceoted it . idm i nust. it feels Weird . her death still feels weird n how ive jandled ir feels weird#coupled w feelinf her spirit (i think she leaned against my leg one night bc i felt smth heavy n warm#prssed against my calf n i got this vibrsnt image of this white n grey cat rubbinf against a persons leg#it was cartoonish bc my team cannot Not be fucking Funny. but i fwlt like it was her :(#hhhhhh. this year has been so hard . n ik this doesnt Antirely Change Shit#but theres a new moon 30th dec n then some other planetary xhanges thatll make it soon feelclike a new ywar#i genuinely cosnider the switch to sries season the new ywar n then again Birth days bc .#yea i rhink the sun n moon SHOULS be our calendar years but i digress .#hmmm aircon n lights keep doing this weird thibg#HEY id rlly like to know why tberes suddebky so much fuckery w elextricity incmy city#like . Dawg why is there socmany power outages. or better yet: why am j Present fkr so many of tgem / why do i Know ppl#going through them.
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