#smoke weed and drink caffeine all day

[emotionalsupportvape]

no offense but ummm my fave things in life are drugs and alcohol and yummy lil treats

every. single. day.

thx for understanding

[yandere-fics]

♡ Their Darling Has A Bad Habit ♡

(assigned everyone with a darling with a different bad habit to keep things unique.)

♡ Miriel would probably cry to find out her darling smokes weed, it's not really the weed bothering her, but can you please stop smoking it? For her? She knows you prefer the way it feels compared to something like edibles but please it smells abhorrent, the smoke is now getting in her lungs and making her feel ill when you do it too long, and the smoke is not good for you, can't you just let her get you those edibles or something? Plus whenever she smells smoked and fire she has flashes back to the few times there was a fire in the forest she grew up in so you're also triggering her anxiety every time you smoke. Eventually she'll just give you an edible in the morning's instead and hide all the real smokable weed and find ever bong or pipe you have to get rid of them. If you want to get high, it has to be edibles even though you do try to explain to her how edibles feel like a much different experience, she's not having it. ♡

♡ Eliza was very confused to hear her darling's stomach growl whenever she hung out with them because she never went long enough without eating that her stomach could growl and when you explained that sometimes you would forget to eat until you were really hungry, she was even more confused. That's just the silliest thing she's ever heard puppy. Don't you worry, your wolf will hunt and feed you, you need to be full to have her pups. She won't believe you in the future when you say you're not hungry and even when you're completely full, could not eat another bite, there she is with the food so you don't forget to eat ever again. No is not a word she understands when it comes to feeding you, she's trying to breed you and that would be very difficult if she doesn't make sure you're always entirely full. ♡

♡ Selene didn't realize when she met you the first night that you drinking wasn't just a one off thing but a constant in your life. Sure a drink is okay occasionally for her mate, she's a hypocrite and doesn't consider that she was a raging alcoholic before but you are her mate and she doesn't want you like that all the time. Your drinking will be monitored and greatly reduced and if you really need that feeling there's certain things that supernatural's give to their mates to keep them high and compliant that are healthier than an alcohol so you can just have that instead. She also just feels uncomfortable looking at you drinking alot because it's like looking in a mirror of her own bad habits before meeting you. ♡

♡ Coffee really is a no no for her mate in Kassien's mind, like maybe one of two cups a day but she won't let you have overwhelming amounts of caffeine because you're her sweet soft mate so there's really just nothing you should be doing that would require having that much extra energy. Just relax at home, you don't have to work ever and I think she would completely lose her patience if she found out her darling was drinking mass amount of coffee like eight cups a day, you would have to move in with her, sorry but it just can't continue and she will force the water down your throat you damn brat. ♡

♡ We all know Nikki loves to sleep, she would sleep all the time if she could so having a mate who very rarely sleeps is not ideal for her, she would prefer you sleep just way too much if she's being honest. Even her soothing abilities barely manage to make you sleep an extra hour, she's going to have to start drugging you if you don't let her get in her allotted nap time with her mate hours. Humans don't usually have this much energy to never sleep so why are you just always awake? When she finds out you do feel tired, you just simply want to stay up, she'd be a bit irritated and definitely drug you.

♡ Runa already has to go into her three day comas which means there's a chunk of the week you already can't spend together but adding to that you sleep all the time? That just won't do it for her, if she's up for four days out of the week and sleeps for the other three then she's making you get on that schedule so you have more time together. At first she might let you keep your same pattern cause she's a pervert and so she can do things to you while you sleep but after awhile she prefers to have you awake and thus begins boot camp to get you on her time. ♡

♡ Nora had been told by the boss on your file that you'd had some bad habits but she hadn't expected your apartment to be a complete mess which is when she decides she has to kidnap you so she can have you living in a cleaner living environment. She will overwork herself to get this done even if you're sloppy and toss things everywhere or leave trash on the bed and she comes home to you napping next to a pizza box cause you were eating and randomly felt tired. Eventually she may even tie you up because the way you're taking care of your own needs is inefficient to her. ♡

♡ Sawyer loves when her mate uses her money to treat themselves so having a darling that doesn't buy anything and keeps everything even underwear until it is a single thread is a nightmare to her and eventually she'll call for an intervention, by that I mean you come home to everything thrown out and forcibly replaced with new items and are force stripped so she can put you in new clothes and get rid of the old stuff and this is what she'll just have to do from now on, along with forcing you to go out on shopping date wit her, if you won't pick things yourself, she will get them for you herself to break this habit. ♡

[bat3s]

I don't know if you have limits and if you don't want to do these it's completely fine, just wanted to ask if you could do a s/o with multiple additions like coffe/energy drink, cigarettes/weed and self harm, cutting/burning. I have these additions and I was curious how they would react. You can choose the killers

TW:s/h

Slashers x gn s/o with addictions (Michael Myers, Billy Loomis, Norman Bates, Jason Voorhees, Brahms Heelshire, Thomas Hewitt)

Sorry this took so long! I hope you enjoy!!

Michael Myers

He’s already aware of your addictions since he basically stalks you

He’s familiar with not only substance based addictions but also self harm because he had seen other patients at Smith’s grove who struggled with addictions

His immediate reaction is to clear the house of anything you could really hurt yourself with

He knows he can’t just make you stop, he understands that it’s much more complicated than that

If you talk to him about it, maybe asking for comfort when you get urges he’ll begrudgingly agree to help

He knows this is important, he knows you’re important to him so he wants to make sure you’re okay

Whenever you get the urge to smoke/cut/burn etc. he’ll walk up behind you and press himself against you to try and distract you

Not exactly hugging but it’s the thought that counts

Billy Loomis

The first thing he noticed was the smoking/energy drinks

They were pretty apparent because those were things you did in front of him, he noticed how often you seemed to do it and how you seemed dependent on these things to get you through the day

He notices the self harm a bit later

Might sneak into your room when you’re asleep and noticed the cuts/burns on your arm where your clothes had been brushed up in bed

He kind of gets mad, not really though, he’s upset and frustrated but he doesn’t know how to express that

Wakes you up right away and asks you about it

Gets really pushy up until you start crying/shout back at him

After that he backs off a bit and tries to figure things out

He wants to help you he just has no idea how

What he ends up doing is basically just trying to distract you, if he noticed that you seemed bothered he would drag you onto the couch to watch some movies (your choice!) 

Reacts fairly poor in the case of a relapse

He’ll back off for a bit just so he doesn’t do anything particularly upsetting

Tries to help by distracting you mostly

He'll try to take you out more, you'd normally stay in with him since that's his preference but he'll do whatever he can to help you work through things

He does still do regular movie nights though, if not more frequently

Lets you pick the movies :0

Norman Bates

He discourages your use of caffeine

considering the time, smoking is a fairly common habit

Though he does notice that you're smoking a lot

He tries to gently encourage you to be healthier

He'll encourage you to sleep earlier and more often to dissuade your caffeine use

He'll also try to let you relax more, he thinks that removing stress might help you cut back on smoking

He notices the self-harm slowly

He sees all the little things

You going to the bathroom for long periods of time and not running the shower

You wearing long sleeves/pants in hot weather

The amount of first aid supplies being used

How you'd flinch when he touched or brushed certain parts of your body

He tried to deny it for a while, he didn't want to believe you'd hurt yourself

He decides to ask you about it one day though

He can't stand the though of you hurting while he stands by and does nothing

He's very delicate with how he phrases his question, but he asks if he can see your arms/legs

If you oblige he very carefully rolls up the clothing and gently cradles the area

He's silent for a moment before he speaks

He asks if he did something/has neglected something which prompted you to do this

Encourages you to seek him out when you feel the urge to self harm

Very patient and a great listener as you tell him about your struggles and how you've been feeling

He encourages you to form healthier replacement habits like gardening/baking/art

Will drop everything to comfort you

Will abandon conversations with customers to make you feel better

Will always be willing to help you clean any injuries

He's very teary eyed the whole time but he remains calm and reassuring the whole time

Whenever he gets the chance he'll hold your hands in his and press your foreheads together and he'll just whisper how much he loves you and how proud he is of you

Jason Voorhees

Jason does not really tolerate any smoking/drinking

So I won't be writing about that

He doesn't notice any of the signs of s/h

He has never really seen or heard of anyone doing that sort of thing before so it doesn't even occur to him

He finds out on a really hot day

You're clearly suffering in the heat but insist on wearing long sleeves/pants

He doesn't want you passing out from the heat so he tries to get you to change clothes or at the very least roll up your sleeves/pants

He gets fed up and just does it for you (he's to strong so there's really nothing you can do to stop him)

When he sees the marks he just freezes

He assumes someone else is hurting you and that you were hiding it

Panics and carries you indoors to give you first aid

As you explain to him that you were hurting yourself on purpose he just looks confused

He hugs you and holds you really close (still broiling hot but he's upset okay)

Won't really leave you alone after this

Always checking you for injuries

Won't let you near anything potentially dangerous

If you express that you want to harm yourself he'll take you out on a walk to try and distract you

Brahms Heelshire

Brahms doesn't like it when you go outside for smoke breaks often

So your only options are to smoke inside/out a window or to quit altogether

Brahms will insist on the latter

He doesn't like the smell or taste and will throw a fit when you smell like tobacco

He will throw a fit about the caffeine as well

He thinks energy drinks and coffee are disgusting and doesn't want them in the house

Even the smell of coffee will upset him

If he finds any he'll steal it and throw it out

He's in the walls so you're not really sure where he can see/go so there's no where private to go

He'll witness you harming well before he reveals himself

(Before revealing himself) He'll take away any blades/lighters so you can't use them

(After revealing himself) He won't throw fits about you harming

But he does get very sad

He doesn't like the idea of you hurting yourself but he's even more upset that he can't help you

He'll hold you very close to him and whisper little praises and reassurances when you tell him you're having the urge to hurt yourself

Thomas Hewitt

It's quite unlikely that the Hewitts have easy access to coffee let alone energy drinks

And it's unlikely they'd let you leave often enough to get large amounts of them, that's assuming you can even afford that given your new situation

So you're forced to quit cold turkey

If you explain it to Thomas, he's very sympathetic and tries his best to sooth your withdrawal symptoms

When it comes to self harm, Thomas has personal experience in that area

He notices you wearing long clothes in hot Texas weather and catches on pretty quickly

He knocks on the door to the bathroom one day when you're in the middle of harming and asks if he can come in

If you panic and insist you're fine he'll calmly assure you that he already knows and he just wants to help

You let him in and he very slowly steps in and slowly reaches towards the area, looking down at you to make sure you're okay with him checking

He'll clean your wounds in silence and then will take you into your bedroom and just hold you in his lap

He's silent but he's gently rubbing his hands over any unmarked areas to sooth you

He'll listen very closely if you want to talk

He tells you that while he'd like you to stop, he understands it's not that easy and that he just wants you to be safe

He wants you to come to him when you feel any urges

Or after you've already harmed, that way he can disinfect it and comfort you

He won't tell anyone else, he's sure they'd react poorly (even if Luda May cared, she wouldn't really understand)

He tends to be very shy about his own scars and is apprehensive to let you touch or even see them

But now he lets you in hopes that you won't feel alone

He's not good with words, so he hopes this shows you how much he cares and that he understands how you're feeling

(If you let him) He will gently pet the areas around the injuries

He'll trace the scars and press gentle kisses on them

I'm so soft for him

[lastoneout]

So my neurologist actually did something right for once and gave me some ambien to help me sleep while I'm on the steroid pack since I already have insomnia and steroids make it WAY worse, and I was really excited because this is legit what I've been wanting a doctor to do for like over a year now...but it didn't really help me sleep, at least not as well as the weed does.

I could possibly just need a higher dose(I am known to be very resistant to these sorts of meds, it takes like twice the normal dose of propofol to put me under) or maybe the steroid is just so powerful the meds can't make a dent in it(which I'd believe since I'm really sensitive to steroids and the weed ALSO doesn't help me sleep as well when I'm on them), and also it's really hot and humid right now which makes it hard to sleep in general AND I just got my bc implant put in which is making it hard to sleep since I have to be careful with my left arm and I like NEED to be able to switch what side I sleep on cuz my shitty arthritic joints don't like staying in one position for too long...but this is a bit of a let down ngl. I was really excited to be able to sleep and then maybe use this as proof that I can be trusted with sleep medication and I could finally stop having to spend damn near $100 on weed gummies every month and a half just to Sleep At All but like...hnnnn.....

Idk, when I see my primary I'm going to beg her to send me to a sleep specialist again bcs the weed is NOT sustainable it's already expensive and on top of that I am absolutely building up a tolerance which means I have to take more to sleep and thus spend more money and it's so fucking annoying. I've already made a lot of progress in the trauma department too and that hasn't really helped me sleep better which leads me to believe this is def a result of one of my other medical issues, I def think a sleep specialist is the best bet rn.

The plus side tho is she gave me 15 ambien and I only have three days of the steroids left, and my arm should be healed better in the next couple of days, so I should have a chance to test the ambien without the dual whammy of the arm pain and steroids wrecking my system, and if even that fails well that's a 15 day T break for the weed which honestly I really do need so like there's that.

Also since I have a bunch of new followers quick FAQ/rundown before anyone gives advice:

I have bipolar disorder type II and adhd and severe chronic pain from fibromyalgia, arthritis, and hEDS. The adderall for my adhd isn't the problem, I actually sleep WAY worse without it. I don't drink that many caffeinated beverages and I especially don't drink them basically at all when I'm on steroids so that's not it either. At least a little of my insomnia is due to trauma and not having a dog currently, but I can't adopt another one right now for numerous reasons, and EMDR has helped the trauma nightmares/anxiety let up quite a lot but that hasn't helped me sleep. I can't take CBD it makes my brain feel like I'm hooked up to a car battery. I also can't smoke bcs asthma so unfortunately I am stuck buying edibles which are very expensive. Insomnia isn't on the medical marijuana criteria in my state so I can't even make it cheaper that way. Melatonin does nothing. Benadryl also does nothing. Exercising before bed also does nothing. I can't do yoga(hEDS) or meditate(adhd). Cutting down on screen time before bed doesn't help and I already spend as little time in my bedroom as possible during the day so my brain keeps associating being in there with sleeping. Listening to music/a podcast doesn't help. Sleepy teas and nice baths and all that before bed doesn't help. I have a weighted blanket which does help a little, but sucks bcs it traps heat like a motherfucker, but I'd sleep worse without it so yeah. Also I can't make my house any cooler/less humid because I'm renting and it's old and shitty and doesn't have real air conditioning and the little portable ac unit + dehumidifier is trying but like...it's not enough I'm still hot and sweaty all night.

I am on hydroxyzine and nortryptraline and they don't make me even a little tired. I cannot take SSRIs or SNRIs on account of the bipolar and the fact that I'm just really sensitive to stuff that messes with my serotonin, even when I'm on a mood stabilizer, and the only med that I can stand that does serotonin stuff is the nortryptraline and it's also the only thing that helps my pain so switching it to something else isn't an option. I build up a resistance to seroquel really fast which makes my insomnia infinitely worse in the long run so I don't see the point in taking it. I have tried basically everything my psychiatrist can think to give me outside of narcotics, which led to her straight up telling me to my face she just can't help me before clarifying that apparently narcotics are somehow worse for me than not sleeping so she won't prescribe them even if they might help. I don't snore or wake up gasping for air so I know I don't have COPD or sleep apnea.

Literally the only thing that has ever made sleeping easy is weed(and opioids but those don't help my pain and have so many hoops to jump through so I don't wanna take them anymore), specifically indica with CBN, but it has to have THC in it I've tried pure CBN + CBD gummies and they don't make me tired they just make me feel weird 'cuz of the CBD.

So yeah. I am up shit creek without a paddle and I really quite desperately need to see a sleep specialist. I appreciate advice but like believe me, I've tried just about everything I can think of and none of it helps. I just naturally have really bad insomnia. And it sucks.

[bonni]

I was tagged by @thesentdowngirl ❤️

favorite color: I'm one of those "I like all the colors" bitches these days but pink will always be #1 (light blue is a close second rn)

last song I listened to:

currently reading: the monster baru cormorant, the birth of tragedy, surviving romance (webtoon/reread), and shadows house (manga/reread)

currently watching: the sopranos ofc! I'd like to start iwtv too soon, and I've been watching naoki urasawa's monster and person of interest with a friend

coffee or tea: tea, I rarely enjoy the taste of coffee. my go-to morning drink is black iced tea, or an iced matcha latte if I need the caffeine

currently craving: weed ngl, I'm going to go smoke on the porch after I post this

I'll tag @ergativeabsolutive @mahoufriend @kdreader02 @baruhead77 @alethiometer @fujoshiwarrior @mousepal @trashcandroid @kaleidoscore @snugstones ofc feel free to ignore

[mothpdf]

Hello <3 5 and 11

hiiii <3

5- Do you take drugs?

Not really, i smoke weed occasionally but i got a really bad hallucination back in may and havent had any since... if we're including other substances cigarettes sometimes and probably more alcohol than is entirely healthy... and so much caffeine. istg i run entirely on energy drinks. ill totally quit aaaany day now...

11- Best friend?

they're all on here funnily enough (dont have that many friends and they're all nerds, bless them). @/mavmav0 @/muesli-command and @/vvenusdahlia

ask game

[doberbutts]

Hip anon here. I think it must be. I’m 31 and don’t smoke, don’t drink alcohol and don’t drink coffee. I didn’t take THC until 30. (Some of my CBD products have THC and I’ll incidentally get high when trying to control breakthrough nerve pain) All of my coworkers were baffled. They couldn’t figure out how I had fun. I was like, I’m introverted so like I stay home and play on my switch

I'm not even an introvert I'm just boring lmao

Nah it's just. The vast majority of normie drugs/alcohol stuff I've just never been interested in because I don't like the feeling and besides the majority of it is not good for my health concerns. And the hard stuff, well I have relatives that are recovering addicts and I think it would hurt them a lot to know that I watched their lives unfold and still chose to experiment with the same things that harmed them.

I have three controlled substances in my house. One required for my transition. Two due to my car accident injury that are used as an as-needed basis, in other words I've filled them once last year and I still haven't used them all. Those two do help with symptoms but they make me high so I don't love taking them.

My friend group is all pretty chill because most of them have the same concerns or if they do anything it's, again, the normie shit (caffeine, alcohol, weed) and in fairly small amounts. Sometimes when I first connect with a potential partner they're weirded out by it, I usually have to explain over and over that I don't care if they do it and it's not moral or religious, I'm just not into it. But it's just strange to me that I keep having these interactions, sometimes even with my doctors, where people are dumbfounded.

Like. I eat my weight in candy and that provides enough of a boost for me to make it through my day. I don't really need or want anything else.

[lancedoncrimsonwings]

Honestly this turned into an absolute fuck of a ramble but oh well.

If the black dog is depression, and the dog of insanity is stealthy, perhaps he is a grey dog.

I've had my fair share of "psychosis", and got through the other side. To think back on those times is surreal, and they don't feel like my own memories, but the more surreal part is you can feel it there at the back of your mind, waiting, for another bad day.

For the most part my grey dog is tame now, though there are still bad days where the black dog howls and the grey dog bares his teeth in memory of what he used to be.

And maybe one day he'll howl again and bite at the cage of my mind, those of us that have faced these dogs know how easy it is to fall into. It's never usually intentional, not truly. Just sometimes, after those aforementioned 3 days of no sleep with bad news and caffeine, you open up the door and there he is, looking back at you. The grey dog.

All the while those dogs took control of me without me realising, but these days, its easier to notice the signs before they do, to realise why they are there, so when you open the door and see them, you knew it was coming and you know what to do.

For many of us, we learn to look him in the eye, ask him why he's here, and soothe him down before he bites. I know when I open the door to him, I've pushed myself too far and he and his brother bark at me to stop it and rest. To take time out, to go to the doctors and make sure my meds are working right, to ask for help, to say no to things on my plate and just eat what I can for a while.

And bit by bit, he backs away, with a nod, and a promise, and a threat; "I'll return, if you fall again."

There is definitely a distinct difference between mental illnesses causing chronic psychosis and acute episodes of psychosis. Mine is generally the latter, and I'm more predispositioned to it thanks to mental illness, but my brothers is chronic and much more intense, with daily symptoms.

Both of us had a marked increase in symptoms around the late teens and early twenties, and more recently an increase after experiencing traumatic events like the unexpected death of a very close family member and no-fault homelessness.

The "avoid weed and psychedelics" advice was very true for me, my clinical therapist also warned me. One of my worst experiences with full blown psychosis was because I was around people that smoked weed, and though I never touched it myself, being in the same room was enough. I also had non epileptic seizures. I don't remember much of that time, but I do remember the pushback I got when I refused to be around them when they smoked anymore, no matter than they'd seen the seizures and the affects of the weed induced psychosis- even for weeks after not being around it. I implore anyone who does smoke weed to do it responsibly and not judge anyone who says they can't be around it.

Biology is weird, and brains are weirder. We're still guessing at most of the mechanisms we run by, and still guessing how half our medications work, weed included!

These days, I'm lucky to avoid weed, (Though the fact people smoke it wherever they like still scares the shit out of me!) But I've still been facing off the grey dog recently, with mess ups with my meds, forced to come on and off them each month as they're routinely out of stock.

The only things that help are having people around me- well, one person, right now- that can recognise if I'm not coping with the grey dog myself and can step in.

When I've spent an entire day staring at the wall, trying to make a cup of tea and the side is full of half made drinks that I don't even realise are there, they know to make me sit down and bring me a brew, wrap me in a blanket and let me rest. When I've been talking to the person sat opposite me for an hour, but there's no one there, they sit there instead and let me talk. When I mention walking into the woods and never coming back, in the same tone I'd talk about getting an ice cream, they encourage me to listen to music instead.

Keep an eye out for your friends and family in their early twenties, especially if they have mental or physical health issues, and especially if they're experiencing trauma.

They Grey Dog can visit us all. But neither that or its big brother the Black Dog have to be a death sentence.

99% of "mysterious disappearances" esp of people in their 20s who start acting weird for 48 hours and then vanish are not mysterious, thats just when a lot of reality-obliterating mental illness tends to kick in and it's pretty easy to get a short circuit in your brain that makes you go family guy death pose in joshua tree national park. it's not any less tragic, it's just a documented phenomenon and not particularly predictable. its a big reason the medical advice is for people with a family history of schizophrenia to completely avoid weed and psychedelics. "people just go crazy sometimes" is a principle of human health that used to be a lot more accepted prior to the american midcentury and to a certain extent thats a healthier way to conceptualize and prepare for the risk, as opposed to the modern assertion that anyone acting weird is dangerous and broken forever.

[nathank77]

12/17/24

9:25 p.m

I feel like a different person... I don't smoke weed. I don't party. I don't drink alcohol. I've been on a diet for almost a year, Feb marks a year. I fixed my circadian rhythm entirely.

I joined the gym and i go 4-6 days a week. It's a life style. I'm trying to quit cigarettes. I don't game anymore.. i will sometimes but I keep myself so busy that i don't have time for it. I still love it. I just feel like I'm in prison in my house.

But yea. I mean I was thinking I'm not happy with gym progress bc if you saw me shirtless when I dont flex.... I mean I basically look the same. Flexing is a different story. And sucking in my gut now has a new meaning. It's flexing my abs... all my stomach photos basically I've sucked in.. there are very few honest ones.... which is good for ab comparison...

But you know the weight loss is minimal.. not enough to be happy about... cause I still can't fit in my skinny pants.. and the scale hasnt went down. Muscle weights more than fat.

Yet despite my body not being what i want it to be without flexing. And with me not thinning out enough, even if I stay here.. I mean... I'm addicted to the endorphins tbh. I've replaced my addiction to nicotine almost entirely to caffeine and the gym.

I still don't think I'll find anyone. But I mean i realize that last year i was barely out of full blown psychosis. Struggling so hard. And now I'm this entirely different person.

Idk how i feel about myself. I mean proud. But like i was forced to change.. I was forced to quit smoking weed and drinking. I wasn't forced to quit cigarettes or join the gym or diet. But I was sorta forced to diet to start Methimazole... bc I didn't want to gain crazy amounts of weight..

I am passed the window of ever even thinking about trying antipsychotics. I'm super resilient and if you saw me in October 2023 you'd never think I'd be 25 pounds lighter. A fitness oriented person.

I also feel like if you knew me before. You don't know me anymore. I'm still the same to my core. But I'm different.

I am proud of myself. But I mean. You got to realize i feel like an entirely different person.

[neetpunk]

I had a couple important appointments today, with audiology and gastroenterology. Also had to say goodbye to my peer support and end services with her because she’s going to get a new job. My audiology appointment went alright, my hearing test came back fine. The doctor thinks I have auditory processing disorder and that’s why I can’t hear things as well through my left ear. She also thinks the stuffed feeling in my ears is from inflammation from TMJ. So she sent a referral for me to be seen about testing for APD. I’m hoping insurance will cover that and treatment because I can’t afford the hearing aids and microphones made for APD.

My gastroenterology appointment went really well! My doctor seemed really empathetic and concerned about my well being, and understanding of my addictions situation. She was really confused and annoyed about my endoscopy results, because it turns out the doctor didn’t test me for anything; he just found the hernia and called it a day. So she wants me to get another endoscopy after a while, but first she wants me to get a gastric emptying study done in November to officially test for gastroparesis. She took me off Reglan because I told her it was making my face twitch, she’s putting me back on Zofran instead. I have to stop taking omeprazole two weeks before the endoscopy, too, so that won’t be fun.

I told her that I was kind of annoyed that everyone was blaming everything on me smoking weed, because I know it’s partly to blame but it’s not the cause of every single time I get sick, a lot of it is just from food. And I don’t think smoking caused my hernia, I think hEDS did. And she looked at my chart and asked why I’m not diagnosed and I explained I have all but the last symptoms of severe and deadly things, and don’t know of any family history with those things. And I described more of my problems going on, particularly my pelvic floor and prolapse issues, and she seemed really concerned. She looked up a doctor she wanted me to see on her computer; he's about an hour away from me and not associated with my hospital, but he specializes in EDS. She said he’s written papers about Ehlers-Danlos Syndrome and everything she knows about it is from him, and said he’s a really good doctor who’s diagnosed a few of her other patients.

I told her I’ve been eating pretty poorly again, and drinking way too much soda that’s making me feel sick but it’s hard to stop drinking it, especially because of the caffeine. She told me to start by cutting down slowly, go from drinking 6 cans a day to 5 cans a day, and down from there; and recommended I get caffeine another way if I really have to. She also really recommended I try to cut back on smoking and vaping, and try eating more fruits. She wants me to follow up with a nutritionist soon, but I told her the one I saw said “Go see GI first your problems are scary!” and she laughed. I feel pretty good about my appointments today, but I feel kinda tired today otherwise.

[nahalism]

heyyyy i hope you are feeling good wherever this finds you 💙🌀

how are you sleeping nowadays? how do you handle days when your insomnia strikes hardest? i havent been sleeping much again and sometimes it feels so helpless. do you take something to fall asleep or do you toss and turn hoping it comes? and during the days do you maybe drink coffee or energy drinks (i doubt you drink energy drinks i dont know why im asking haha)to get through them

sending love love love

hey <3333. tbh —_— my sleep has been at an all time low for the past few months and ive been getting away with it/making it work, cause i have relaxed work hours atm. that said i wouldn't advocate or recommend what im doing as sustainable. cause its not and the eye bags arent sexy but whatever — there are times where i do things like get away from screens, shower, read or stretch, then lie down and just wait for sleep. usually it's excruciating and takes hours for me to actually sleep. so i havent been doing that recently. at the moment i just tap into the excess energy. when i cant sleep, even if im super tired, ill get up and do the things im thinking about / do something to process the thoughts. usually read, write or draw. then i keep going till i crash out. then i do it again. — after a break from smoking, weed can help me 'come down' enough to sleep earlier. but once i regain tolerance it loses that effect on me.

if its been a week or two and i havent gotten much sleep i can take a phenergan. it stops me going straight loopy from sleep deprivation, but i try not to cause im not a huge fan of relying on meds. so yh. i like coffee but dont drink much, caffeine doesnt even give me energy & i dont rly like fizzy drinks so no energy drinks.... 🫣🫶🏼 i wish i had a more optimistic reply but one day ill get my sleep together and report the good news. sending u love & restful sleeps

[stevishabitat]

Asexual and aromantic - as in I really don't give a fuck. I'm a grown ass adult, with a 10yo child. I've fucked. It wasn't my jam. I was married. Also not my jam.

I drink, and I do edible MJ. But for medical reasons I have to be extremely careful with both. So I've never done anything else (although some of my prescribed meds have been controlled substances, which was definitely not a fun experience).

My body is too fucked up to do much experimenting. Every day is an experiment to see if I can get through it without excessive pain. This is also why I don't go skydiving or scuba diving or ride on rollercoasters.

Can we stop assigning morality to things? Or infantilizing ace/aro, disabled, and other folks regardless of their sex lives and substance use habits?

A lot of neurodivergent and disabled people have a hard enough time functioning in a world that's hostile to them. For some, substances help with that (whether that's alcohol, weed, caffeine, uppers, downers, whatever). For others, they very much do not.

Every person knows their body and their needs and can make their own choices about what works for them and what doesn't.

If you like sex, and can find consenting partners, have however much sex you want. Be safe, and get the necessary healthcare (vaccines, birth control, prep, testing, etc) if you can.

Or masturbate. Please do that however much you want!

But if you're not interested in sex, there's zero reason to feel like you have to do it. It's not a milestone you have to achieve to be mature. It literally has nothing to do with becoming an adult.

Same with alcohol, weed, or anything else. If you enjoy it, can afford it, and it doesn't cause you any problems, or interact badly with necessary medications, then by all means do it (in as safe a way as you can).

But there's no moral value to choosing to do it or not do it. Drinking is not a right of passage. Choosing to smoke or not smoke has no bearing on your adulthood.

It's all just stuff that some people enjoy, and some people don't. Some people turn some things into unhealthy habits. But that's by no means universal.

There's no purity test.

There's no achievements to unlock.

See also: driving, any particular level of education, getting a job, living away from your family of origin, living with a partner, having children...

None of that is a requirement for being an adult.

If you don't want those things, or can't do those things, or need to wait awhile, that doesn't make you a lesser person or less of an adult. And you can always change your mind later if circumstances change!

//end rant

Ok so I've seen so many polls going around that are like "how old were you when you first had sex/got drunk/smoked weed etc." and the answer that wins is always the boring one so for those of you who are straight edge and celibate, which I know is the largest segment of this website:

[bisluthq]

I think he used to have a bad relationship with food and teetered into orthorexic stuff back during 1d tbh but who knows. He’s always been into woo woo shit but I think he had a shift to treating his wellness routine as training like an athlete in more recent years

I also think he used to have a worse relationship with a lot of stuff (food AND alcohol AND drugs), but he’s been working on a lot of that for the last like 5-6 years actually? I think he wasn’t as aware of what he “should be” eating in 1D days but used to feel bad about himself when he ate “bad” things lol if that makes sense? In 1D days I remember he went through a phase of like drinking bullet coffee so as not to eat anything else lol which… obviously isn’t a very great idea lol. He and Grimmy also went through a phase of like being obsessed with green tea lol idk. I think if I recall correctly he also didn’t like the 1D chef cooking for him because that was mostly more wholesome “home cooking” vibes and he was into the - as you say - woo woo stuff even then. So all of that sounds like it wasn’t that yk great. But these days I think he sticks to his pescatarianism and his juice cleanses and he does his nutrient IVs when he’s on tour and stuff and when he wants something he’s craving he does just go and eat that. He’s also said he doesn’t consume any caffeine or alcohol on tour (for the most part at least idk how religious he is about it because we did see him attend some parties like during LoT and the first tour but I do buy that those are very much exception days) but he doesn’t stick to that when he’s off tour (or intend to like it’s a tour only thing to make sure he’s feeling his best and his voice is good).

With alcohol as I say like he’s said he tries not to drink on tour (and also in general I don’t see him being a regular drinker idk) and in 1D days he was obviously as he’s said repeatedly very anxious about being caught doing something very naughty so I think tried to keep it to a minimum but we also did see him going big lol and he mentioned back then he really likes straight tequila (😳😳😳 bruh) so my guess would be he used to binge and then feel badly about it and like hate himself and tell himself never again and then go big again lmao. I do think he’s in a better place with it now though and drinks when he feels like it and doesn’t hate himself for having a big night out here and there but doesn’t really feel like doing that often lol because he’s focusing on all his 🧘‍♂️ crap.

and with drugs obviously he said he was SO anxious about being caught doing any during 1D days but obviously did experiment and then I’d guess felt really guilty every time so again I think just not super healthy as a vibe. These days I think he smokes weed now and then/eats edibles and well likely has tried like medicinal doses of shit like he’s probably gone on an Ayahausca journey or whatever.

he also meditates twice a day and does yoga and does his cold water swimming on top of gymming and he’s said a lot of that is for his mental health rather than for his looks so idk I think being so focused on that kinda makes the eating/drinking/substances a lot easier because if he knows he wants to go and do a polar plunge in the morning idk if he wants to go and do that hungover and I think he knows the polar plunge will make HIM feel better than a couple glasses of wine lol.

[windw8ker]

Human life is one big cope. One big cope for the fact that you exist and existing is either suffering or the absence of suffering which is pure nothingness (peace). That isn’t a bad fact, or a negative fact, or a nihilistic fact, it’s just the realistic truth. The real, real truth under everything.

You are either participating in “human” and suffering, or you opt out and you are nothing. You are truly nothing under your learned behaviors and carefully crafted personality that your ego has made for you for survival advantages. Strip away that mask of personality and become self aware of learned behaviors and everyone is the same blank slate of nothing just like the rest of the universe. Again, not a bad thing, just the real thing.

It’s also not a bad thing to participate in “human”. It obviously brings pleasure, but be aware it also is the source of all pain. No matter how well you craft your personality or fix your behaviors, you will fall short of other’s expectations and expectations of yourself. That is natural. You will feel adequacy therefore inadequacy, you will feel happy therefore unhappy, you cannot choose to participate in one side of any emotion and not the other. Having anything means also not having it later. There is no way to have only one side of a coin.

If you opt out of these things, kill your ego, there is no more suffering. There is also no pleasure except simple ones. Food, entertainment, material belongings, bring you nothing. But what fills you instead is deep fulfillment and peace. Nothingness is peace. Like the night sky. The whole universe is peaceful as it feels no pain nor pleasure. It just is.

You might think “a life of nothing! What do you even do? That sounds horrible!”. I understand why you would think that. When you opt out of ego, you just maintain your physical form and spend the rest of your time in quiet observation of yourself and the physical universe. Self care and observation. You can still connect to others, animals, nature. You still have emotions, they just pass through you and don’t affect your actions or your mental state. You actually spend your whole life caring about everything around you in deep loving compassion, like a teacher and student, or parent to child. You can still choose to participate in worldly pleasures occasionally, but you soon realize that the momentary pleasure is always followed by a consequence.

This is primarily a journal entry to myself while I am up in the middle of the night processing things. I know I am a random blog that you follow. But here is my truth. I reiterate that life is a cope or avoidance of the truth, as the truth is caused fear or is scary to admit. It’s scary because it is so different than what we are taught to believe. My evidence is look what people are willing to do to outrun the truth? They will avoid it all day in the form of ceaseless entertainment, overindulgence in food, substances, endless activities, never being alone, fighting, sleeping, working. All to avoid feeling the peace of nothing. Just know that when you die, you will feel that nothing, the immense peace of nothing, and you will always die.

I too did all of those things. I felt pain and pain and pain and pain and covered it up with the band aid of drugs, food, work, doomscrolling, sex, you name it. And I stopped. I felt my pain and let it go. I feel no need for the band aids anymore. I spend my days (outside of work, necessary for survival, again a realistic truth not a sad one) mostly alone in meditation or on walks outside. Peace is worth it, it is worth giving all of it up.

I no longer smoke weed, I do not drink caffeine, I do not consume excess sugar or sugar that is not from fruit, I do not take pain killers, I do not do hook ups, I do not binge eat anymore, I do not self harm, I do not watch tv, I do not drink, I do not eat meat, I do not blast my feelings away with music, I do not seek external validation, I do not distract myself anymore. I work, maintain my body, meditate, regulate, contemplate and observe. And that is it. Expecting fulfillment from others, expecting anything from others, is suffering. I fulfill myself. I am fulfilled and peaceful. I will die fulfilled and peaceful. I have friends that I care for, but I expect nothing back. I expect nothing but the truth; nothing!

[grimtrespasser]

I descend from a long line of addicts (alcohol and otherwise) and everyday I am genuinely so thankful for my creative outlets. I’ve been drawing since I could hold a pencil, my grandma taught me to sow when I was ten, and I got into tabletop gaming in my teen years. All of which have helped me immensely to avoid the same addictive habits I’ve seen in my family and friends. Yknow how pets and zoo animals get super depressed or kinda lose it when they don’t have enough space/things to play with/other animals to interact with? Yeah, human beings are the same. If all you’ve got is home and work, with no hobbies or social circles to turn to, you’re gonna take whatever you can get, and usually what people turn to is substance abuse. (If you’ve never heard of Rat Park, look it up, the story of that study is fantastic for learning and understanding how addiction works.)

My grandpa used to smoke a ton when my mom was a little kid. Him and my grandma married young and already had three kids to look after, she dropped out of college to take care of my mom and aunts at home so that meant my grandpa was stuck in a shitty job trying to make enough money to make ends meet by himself. He turned to weed out of stress. He quit smoking when he realized he spent all his time either at work, or holed up in his bedroom using, and that he was missing his daughters’ childhoods.

My mom started drinking when I was a kid. She was an undiagnosed autistic under a ton of work and personal stress, as well as dealing with fresh trauma she didn’t know how to cope with, and alcohol was an extremely normalized thing for her to turn to. She was practically expected to drink at every social event with other moms in the community. “It’s wine o’clock” and all that. Similarly, she quit drinking when she realized how dependent she’d become on it. How normal it’d gotten for her to have several drinks a day just to numb her senses and how much she was being pressured by drinking culture to continue.

I have friends who’ve been smoking or drinking since high school, sometimes younger, who’ve acknowledged that they’re addicted but that they just don’t have the resources to quit. Everything from alcohol and opioids to caffeine, nicotine, and social media, I’ve seen countless different shades in countless different people, and I’ve seen what it looks like to quit and stay sober. I’ve also seen what it looks like when someone refuses to quit and loses everything. Alcoholism killed my dad’s best friend. It’s not a path I ever hope to wind up on myself.

From what I’ve learned, the key to sobriety is communal support (friends, family, pets, clubs, anything that involves interacting with other living things) and creativity (painting, singing, sowing, glasswork, literally anything you can get your hands on. Join a local group dedicated to a hobby and put your mind and body to work!) Literally it’s just keeping busy in healthy ways. Learn to cook, start opening up to your friends more, get really into something you used to love as a kid, and do it before you get addicted in the first place. It’s genuinely such a massive help to have something you love to do available to you, it means you don’t have to turn to alcohol in the first place. Being as predisposed as I am, I’ve had the urge several times throughout my life, but having seen what it did to my family and having those healthier outlets available was instrumental in helping me avoid it. But if you’re already addicted, these are the things that’re gonna keep you sober after all the rehab and medical work are through. Quitting doesn’t work if after it’s out of your system, you’ve got nothing else other than drinking to do with your time. I recently worked on a project about the opioid crisis with an old teacher of mine who himself used to be an addict and he talks all the time about how theatre saved his life. Acting, then directing, now running a whole program for kids to get into theatre. Having someplace to go where he could pour all his energy into art without any drugs or illegal dealings gave him something safe to fall back on when he was attempting to fix his life. It was something he could channel his focus into so that he didn’t think about using again.

So yeah, as difficult as it can be to do these days, get out into the world and find things you love. Form hobbies and passions outside of your house and work. Meet new people, try new things, enjoy the mundane aspects of life. Do it before addiction becomes your only consistent outlet. It’s psychological just as much as it is physical. Find what you really love to do, because I promise it isn’t drinking, and build a life out of it. It’ll be the best thing you ever do.

some sobriety ideas

[postmoderntongues]

B's friend D is one of my favorite of his friends he is such a kind, compassionate guy and hes so good to his wife who was his high school sweetheart and he really is just an all-around stellar person but not irregularly do I tell a "funny" story from my childhood and hell get all serious like "oh my god Im so sorry that happened to you" and im like no im laughing you are supposed to laugh!

He's a Dr who works with the profoundly mentally disabled an the only argument i ever had with him was over me saying "retard" to describe myself and he was like "Dont use that word around me" and I was like sure np sorry to offend but I wanted to be like "THATS MY WORD! I PREFER RETARDED (Slow, a different rhythm, the pretty emotional soft part of a song, a musical word to describe something not wrong or broken but simply different speed) TO DISABLED (sets "able" as the default state and implies theres something wrong with me or like i started off able and somehow became broken)" and like I respect him so I don't say it around him but literally all my autistic friends that Ive talked to on the matter hate the word disabled and prefer "retarded" but his dad who passed away traumatically and worked with the disabled was super strict about that word so I don't fight him on it but Im so used to calling myself "retarded" that having to watch my language with him ABOUT MY DISABILITY gets me a little tight.

Also at the BBQ (which was in a legal state) this one girl from their high school freaked out at us for smoking around her baby (we weren't blowing smoke in the baby's face we were on the other side of the back yard we could not have been farther from this baby without leaving the property) so we had to walk off the property and smoke like fucking teenagers so she wouldnt freak out and I wanted to be like "why can she drink alcohol in front of me but I cant smoke pot in front of her" like she had her baby in one hand and a glass of wine in the other but us smoking a bowl in the back of the yard by the fence was somehow offensive to her and I wanted to pull a "how dare you drink in front of me im in recovery" at her for being stuck up but I didn't want to cause D any drama but like TBH I was a little offended that she was openly drinking but had something to say about people at the party smoking weed. I never went into a 10 day psychosis where I pulled a knife on my family because i thought they kidnapped me over weed. And it isn't even like it is illegal it is as legal as alcohol (which I still don't agree with, I think it should be regulated similar to caffeine) I can't fucking stand people who are snobs about pot smokes especially i they drink like I understand people who have addiction genes so they pass on substances as a whole but you're not better than me because you dont smoke weed if you are openly fucking drinking. Oh and she had no problem with people smoking cigs on the deck where she had her baby playing but for some reason the baby would explode if it smelled pot. The plus side of walking to smoke tho was that I got to rip a blue lives matter sticker off a neighbor's car but I can't find it now I wanted to add it to my collection Im almost up to 10