#slashers incorrect quotes

[mostly-ghostly-hotel]

Brahms Heelshire: Look, my only crime is caring too much. I mean, yeah, there has been some murder and a little kidnapping, but caring too much is the real problem.

[adalwolfgang]

POV: Bo in the hospital (drugged with anaesthetic) ft. Fem!(Name).

*(Name) resting her hand on his chest as Bo starts to wake up.*

Bo, half out of it: My wife will get upset if she sees you touching me like that on my chest.

(Name), trying not to laugh: I am your wife.

*Bo looks you up and down before giving a goofy smirk. All of a sudden the heart rate monitor starts beeping like crazy.*

Bo, in a sultry voice: Sup~

[gen0c1de]

Based on something I actually did with a friend and should've been charged for but the dude who owns the property was chill-

Y/N and Stu: Walking into Stu's house.

Billy: "Y/N, why do you have an arrow?"

Y/N: "I got it from the abandoned shack down the road! Stu and I accidentally ripped the window off the building and so we climbed in to explore it!"

Stu: "The floor was caved in, dude. Y/N almost fell in it!"

Billy: "You mean the old hunting club cabin? The one that has the driveway go past it and the guy who owns the property AND the shack lives?"

Stu: "...someone owns that shack...?"

Billy: "Yes!"

[slashingdisneypasta]

Incorrect Quote

Jennifer and Y/N arguing over which Slasher gets to be their 'Back up' (Back up husband in case they dont find anyone by 40).

Y/N: Alright!, you know what!? I know how we're gonna settle this. Alright, here- this is what we're gonna do.

Y/N: I am gonna write Freddy on one napkin and I'm gonna write Jason on the other napkin, and we are going to pick one.

Y/N: And that person is gonna be our back up!

Y/N: Okay here we go- *Shuffles the napkins around so no one knows which is which anymore, then holds them behind their back* Uhuh- Okay, pick one.

Jennifer: Uhh, hmm... left!

*Jennifer and Y/N read their napkins*

Y/N: uh- Jason!

Jennifer: ... Freddy.

Y/N: ... hm

Jennifer: Hm.

Y/N: ... we should just switch-

Jennifer: *Handing over her napkin immediately* Yep-

[luna-charlie]

Y/n : i put the d in Vincent

lester : there ain't no d in vincent

Y/n : not yet~

________________CUE____________________

Bo : * laughing his ass off*

Vincent : *red as a tomato*

[2braincellslz]

Billy loomis: where's Billy?

Stu: I got this.

Stu: *ahem*

Stu: SO NO ONE TOLD YOU LIFE WAS GONNA BE THIS WAY!

*rythmatic clapping from the attic*

[riotlain]

Stu after killing Tatem and now flirting with Y/n at knife point: Would you say I have.. W rizz?

[killingick]

People in the slasher community asking slashers to kill their teachers for failing them on a test:

[callsign-gasleak]

Jason: WHY. why did you give Danny a KNIFE?! Michael: I'm sorry.They said they felt unsafe. Jason: Now I feel unsafe! Michael: I'm sorry. Michael: ...would you like a knife?

[weirdwizardofoz]

Billy: Why did you stab Randy?

Y/N: You weren't there! You didn't hear what he said to me!

Billy: What did he say?

Y/N: "What are you gonna do? Stab me?"

Billy:

Y/N:

Stu:

Stu: Fair

[killingick]

Just one bite big heffa

Slashers: *changing shirts*

Y/n: *staring at slasher’s chest* can I have a bite~

Slasher: excuse me?

Y/n: i just I need a bite of that tittie. Just like a quick chomp.

Slasher: 👁️ 👄 👁️

[mostly-ghostly-hotel]

Y/N: One of these days, I’m going to say “fight me” to the wrong person and they’re just going to deck me.

Michael Myers: Oh, that day is closer than you think.

[adalwolfgang]

POV: What would happen if (Name) flirted with Bo instead?

*Everyone chilling in the living room. Vincent watching Lester and Jonesy play wrestle, while you and Bo are talking on the couch*

(Name), shocked: “Bo! You’ve been rejected 27 times?”

Bo, rolling his eyes: “yes.”

(Name): “let me tell you something Bo, that’s 27 people on this earth with no taste.”

*The room goes quiet*

Bo: “(Name) I want to have s*x with you.”

[gen0c1de]

A/N: a literal conversation I had with a friend around Christmas my senior year of high school. I’m Jewish by the way. If you get offended easily then this is NOT for you. I was laughing so hard I needed my inhaler, I give my friends permission to make these jokes around me mostly because I don’t care.

Y/N: “Y’know, I know way more Christmas songs than I do Hanukkah songs.”

Billy: “Wait wait wait wait… there’s Jew music?”

Y/N trying not to laugh: “Yes there’s fucking Jew music.”

Stu: “Oh yeah! I’m sure one of them would go-“

Stu now singing: “Please don’t gas me.”

Y/N laughs: “You’re lucky I don’t get offended by this shit.”

Billy baffled by Stu’s stupidity and lack of a filter: “Stu, what the fuck-“

[slashingdisneypasta]

Incorrect Quote

When Jason and Freddy fight in the Horror House and Tiffany convinces you to help calm them down.

Y/N: ... Fine... *Sigh* So, which one do you want me to take?

Tiffany: How about you take Jason and I'll take Freddy.

Y/N: Arrgh no

Tiffany: Okay, then I'll take Jason and you take Freddy.

Y/N: Aghh no...

Tiffany: Y/N!

Y/N: Cant I take Bubba?... He doesn't talk much, and as far as I can tell- thoroughly enjoys the way I dress.

[issdisgrace]

Y/n *out of nowhere*: If a 178lb person fell from a 15 floor building how many feet would they fall in a second

Hannibal: Where do these questions come from my love

Y/n: I don’t know, my brain

Hannibal: Sigh, they would fall about 15 feet per second meaning they would impact the ground in about 10 seconds.

Y/n: Cool

*Cue Y/n going back to what they were doing before their question*