#sitting in silence now so I decided to make a vent post before I have another scare... at this point i just need to survive til spring brea

[dawntheduckrb]

I used to treat this blog like a diary, and when I went offline recently I realized how much I normally bottle up. Really not feeling well so vent post below :') feel free to skip

I really tried to not let my dog passing affect me as much as it has; but 3 weeks later, I'm finally admitting that I completely shut down when it happened. My ability to focus on anything other than good ol' instant-gratification media has literally gone to the gutter, and I've only recently worked up the ability to talk to close friends. I only took a day off of work and classes when it happened, and I realize in retrospect that it wasn't nearly enough.

At this point, I'm so far behind in my classwork that I have no idea what to do with myself; I'm skirting by all of my classes doing that absolute bare minimum I have to, and it feels awful.

And at the same time, I've wanted nothing more than to communicate with people, and I really have tried, but I keep talking myself out of it because of all the things I haven't done yet. I can't justify giving myself the time to message a friend - even though my brain has no problem letting me waste literal hours doomscrolling and watching the same videos over and over - because "what about that one thing you could also be spending your time on?"

I really wish I knew what to do about it but I have no clue. I haven't gotten a single full night of uninterrupted sleep for the past three weeks. I keep falling asleep on top of assignments I stared at for so long that I started to doze, because flitting in and out of sleep is easier than just doing the work that has never given me trouble in my entire four years of classes. And I've berated myself for not working or communicating, and I've tried giving myself more breaks and intermittent rewards for getting even the tiniest things done, and I've tried brute forcing my way through it all, and on the whole, it's just not working.

Normally I end these posts with a proposed path for myself to get better, or a question that I need answered so I can finally move on with life, but right now I just need these thoughts out of my head. I just think I needed to finally admit to someone that I'm not okay, and that this time, I really just don't know what to do.

[kaces-graham-crackers]

Stirring the Quiet - (3) Sips with Stardom

Jenn Ortega x Female Reader

Summary: Y/N's morning is stirred when Jenna arrives before opening hours. She finds herself sipping coffee and sharing stories with the star again. Between bodyguards, family, and an unexpected promise, Y/N's day becomes more than just her regular routine—a start to a little more, one sip at a time.

Word Count: 2.9k

As I unlocked the door and stepped inside, the familiar smell of Chinese takeout filled the air. The sounds of laughter and clatter of utensils echoed from the kitchen. Kicking off my shoes and slipping into my slippers, I sighed in relief. Home. Before I could take another step, Mr. Noodles—my black-and-white tuxedo cat, complete with his signature black bowtie—greeted me by weaving between my legs, purring loudly. "Hey, Noodles," I chuckled, bending down to scratch his chin. He meowed once, flicking his tail, and followed me into the kitchen. Marcus and Caleb sat at the table, surrounded by various takeout containers. Marcus dug into his lo mein while Caleb balanced his fork in one hand and scrolled through his phone with the other. "Look who finally decided to grace us with their presence!" Marcus called out, waving his fork in the air dramatically. "Yeah, too high on your horse to join your big brothers for dinner? Caleb chimed in without even glancing up from his phone. I rolled my eyes and dropped my bag onto the floor, giving Mr. Noodles a final pat before sitting down at the table. "Whatever you say, peasants, you wouldn't believe the day I had." Marcus raised an eyebrow, grinning. "What happened? Did Tom Cruise stop by to argue with his reflection again?" Caleb snicker. "Or did Chris Hemsworth come in to try and order his post-workout protein shake?" 'Ok. So maybe I don't only keep celebrity conversations with just Wilma.' "No, I still don't know what kind of gym rat demands a coffee shop to make a protein shake," I said, grabbing some fried rice. "But actually, it was Meryl Streep. She and her manager walked in, supposedly for a meeting. And they broke into a feud over whether or not she should be having hot chocolate and a donut." Both of them looked at each other, chuckling. Marcus leaned back in his chair to scratch Mr. Noodles under him. "Meryl Streep, defending her sugar right? You go, girl!" I grinned, stuffing a dumpling in my mouth. "Yeah, his face when she chewed him out was priceless." Caleb's full attention is on me now. "What about Will Ferrell? Did he drop by and give any hints about his upcoming movie?" I shook my head. "No Will Ferrell today. But Liam Neeson came in, ordered tea and a jelly donut, and then tripped on his way out. Spilled tea all over the place." Marcus and Caleb both froze mid-bite before bursting into laughter. Marcus set his fork down, "Let me guess, he threatened the floor after that one, right?" Caleb swallowed his food, "I can just imagine him giving his famous death stare. What did you do?" "I gave him another one, free of charge," I shrugged. "The man looked so heartbroken. I couldn't let him walk out like that." They laughed again, shaking their heads in disbelief. Marcus wiped his mouth, "Man, only in your line of work do we find out Meryl Streep and Liam Neeson are out here having bad days like the rest of us."

We kept eating, trading stories about our day. Marcus talked about a guy at the gym who almost dropped a barbell trying to impress some girl. At the same time, Caleb vented about the latest office drama. While leaning over to offer the piece of chicken on my fork to Mr.Noodles, without even thinking, I casually mentioned, "Oh yeah, Jenna Ortega came in today." Marcus froze, his fork nearly dropping, while Caleb slowly lowered his phone. Both of them stared at me in studded silence. "Wait...what?" Caleb asked, voice rising. "The Jenna Ortega?" It took me a second to realize what I had just said, and I immediately felt my face heat up. Damn. "Uhh...yeah. She was just, you know, having coffee." Marcus leaned over the table, grin growing wider. "Are you seriously telling me you met Jenna Ortega and didn't freak out? Come on, you've been obsessed since she made it big on Wednesday." "I wasn't obsessed!" I protested, feeling my cheeks grow even hotter. "And it wasn't a big deal. She's just a regular person." Caleb raised an eyebrow, clearly unimpressed. "Did you...like talk to her?" I groaned, running a hand through my hair and throwing my head back. "Yeah, we talked a little. She was reading a book I loved, so we ended up geeking out about the author. She already read it, too, just revisiting it." Marcus' grin grew, looking smug. "You geeked out about a book...with her? And you're sitting here acting like it's no big deal?" I shrugged, trying to play it cool. "She's just another customer like anyone else, guys," Caleb smirked. "Uh-huh, sure. Except you're blushing right now." I could feel the heat creeping back into my face. "Am not." Marcus chuckled, shaking his head. "Our lil sis rubbing elbows with big stars. Be careful if she wants to meet us, we're totally gonna embarrass you." I groaned, covering my face. "Shut Up, Please!"

After dinner, I headed upstairs. Changing into a pair of comfy sweats and a loose T-shirt. Noodles, ever my loyal shadow, hopped onto the bed and curled into a little ball beside me as soon as I laid down. He purred, vibrating through the blankets. I grabbed my phone and, doomed scrolled through Instagram and TikTok. But no matter what I did, my mind drifted back to Jenna. The way she was there—from anxious to completely calm in the café. It was hard to match that with the version of her I'd seen on the screen. And the fact that we actually talked? That was still sinking in. Then there was the blush. That small, subtle blush when she realized she was the last one left in the café caught me off guard. Jenna Ortega, the same Jenna who played the confident, intense character on screen, blushing because she'd lost track of time in a quiet little coffee shop? It made her seem so much more...cute. I immediately slapped my face. 'No, no, not what I meant. I meant human.'" When I looked over, Noodles' eyes were wide, and his tail flickering. I must have startled him with that slap. After a moment of us watching each other, Clearly unimpressed, he huffed and circled a few times, kneading the blankets before settling back down. "Sorry Noodles...What do you think? I murmured, my fingers absentmindedly tracing shapes behind his ears. "Do you think I made a fool of myself?" He responded with a soft purr, utterly unbothered by my internal crisis. I tossed my phone onto the nightstand, my mind replaying every detail of the evening: the way Jenna smiled when I brought her the donut, her casual posture as we talked about horror novels, and, of course, the way she blushed. It was as if, for a moment, she wasn't Jenna Ortega, the actress. She was just...Jenna. A regular person who got lost in a book, just like me. I sighed, rolled onto my back, and stared at the ceiling. "I'll probably never see her again, right?" I muttered to myself. Noodles meowed softly in response, unbothered by my troubles. But a small part of me couldn't help but hope that maybe she'd come back. Noodles stretched, yawned, and moved closer, curling up beside me. I smiled at his contentment, but my mind was still swirling with thoughts. I couldn't help but wonder if this was it or if I'd get the chance to talk to her again. Maybe she'd come back. With her lingering in my mind, I eventually drifted off to sleep, contemplating the unexpected conversation that had turned my usual day at work into something unforgettable.

The next morning came far too quickly. My alarm blared, and I groaned, rolling over to smack the snooze button. Mr Noodles, the early riser, pounced on my chest and meowed directly in my face until I finally gave in. "Alright, I'm up," I muttered, pushing him off and dragging myself out of bed. After a quick shower, I threw on some clothes and grabbed my bag, ready to head back to The Daily Grind. As I patted Mr. Noodle's head one more time before slipping out the door. I headed out the door, keys in hand, and my phone buzzed as I locked up. I answered. "Hey, Y/N! You're going to have to open up today," she said, practically out of breath like she was jogging. "The twins are dragging their feet and won't put their shoes on! She yelled that last part as I pulled out of my parking spot. "Mama couldn't take them, so I got stuck on babysitter duty again. I'll be in later." I chuckled, imagining the chaos on her end. "No worries, Captain, I can hold down the fort until you come." "Thanks! Oh, and by the way..." Wilma's tone shifted to something more playful. "How did things go with Primera last night?" I paused for a moment, feeling my face heat up. Of course, Wilma was going to ask. I couldn't avoid it, but...did I really have to tell her everything? I could already picture the girl tackling me if she had to find out on her own fruition. "Y/N? You still there?" Wilma prompted, clearly sensing my hesitation. I sighed, knowing there was no way out. "It was fine. We just talked a bit more," I started, trying to keep my voice casual. "Mhm, sure," Wilma replied, egging me on. "And?" I took a deep breath, feeling the warmth creep up my neck. "Jenna...actually walked me to my car," I admitted, my voice quieter now. "And then she teased me, said I had somehow 'charmed' her like it was the most obvious thing in the world. She flashed that smile—half playful, half serious—like she knew she was messing with me. Honestly, it was impossible not to blush." "Wait, hold up, She walked you to your car?" Wilma interrupted, her voice dripping with amusement. I could practically see her grinning on the other side of the phone. "And what smile? You've already memorized her smile, huh?" I groaned, blushing. "It wasn't like that, Wilma. She was just being...friendly." Wilma laughed. "Friendly? Please. You're a natural-born flirt, and you don't even realize it. And with "that" smile? She was totally into i—" "I wasn't flirting!" I protested; the thought of Jenna's smirk made me doubt my words. "She was just messing with me." "Oh sure, because it's so easy to charm someone with those smooth barista skills," Wilma teased. "You better brace yourself when she comes back. You're in trouble, Y/N." "Yeah," I admitted, resting my head on the steering wheel. "And then her bodyguards showed up out of nowhere and scared the life out of me." Wilma's laughter echoed through the phone. "Bodyguards? Of course. This keeps getting better by the second! What else? I know there's more." I sighed, already resigned to the teasing. "She made me promise that the next time she comes by, I'd share some of the stories about some bodyguards at the café." There was a beat of silence, and then, as expected, her laughter doubled. "Y/N, you've got her hooked! Wild café stories? She's definitely coming back now. Congrats—you've got yourself a celebrity lover. You're basically famous." "Wilma, seriously," I groaned. "Please don't blow this out of proportion." "Oh, honey, it's already out of proportion," her voice full of playful mischief. "You've charmed Jenna Ortega, and now she's coming back for more. I can already see it—this is how it all starts." I rolled my eyes, fully aware of how this conversation would go. "You're impossible." Wilma snickered. "Well, look at you—handling business like a pro. Don't let the fame go to your head, mascot. Remember to stay humble when you're hanging out with Hollywood Royalty." "Yeah, yeah," I muttered, though I couldn't suppress the small laugh. "I'll try not to let it change me."

"Alright, gotta get these monsters buckled and shipped off to school. Don't have too much fun without me!" "Sure, I'll try not to, and hopefully, I'll survive the first horde," I said, grinning as I hung up the phone. As I pocketed my phone, I shook my head, a smile lingering on my lips. I was starting to get used to the teasing. I grabbed my bag and headed inside. The sun crept up, casting soft light through the windows as I unlocked the door. Stepping inside, I could still feel the leftover warmth from yesterday. The café was quiet and still, just how I liked it before the rush. I went to the back, checked in, and threw my stuff into my locker before heading to the employee area. I slipped into my all-black barista uniform—simple black pants and a fitted black shirt before getting my apron from the hook by the door. The apron was the only pop of color, a warm brown that stood out against the dark. As I tied it around my waist, I fell into work mode. First things first: the plants. I grabbed the watering can we kept under the counter, filled it up halfway, and made my way around, giving each hanging plant a good drink. The soft trickle of water and the rustle of leaves was strangely calming, making the café feel like it was waking up, too. I always made sure to take extra care of the plants; Wilma was obsessed with them. Her grandmother had a green thumb, and she followed suit. So she'd notice if even one leaf looked droopy. Next up, I headed to the kitchen to bake the day's pastries. The scent of flour and sugar greeted me as I pulled out the ingredients. I started with the croissants, carefully rolling the dough before placing them on the baking tray.

While they baked, I started on the rest of today's menu items. If a customer wanted anything else, we'd bake it fresh for them. Next, the muffins were mixed with batter and folded in fresh blueberries. The lemon scones were last—I zested the lemons, mixed the dough, and shaped them perfectly before sliding them into the oven. As they finished in the oven, the warm, sweet smells began to fill the café, and I could already imagine the regulars lining up for their favorites. Once they were done, I arranged the croissants, muffins, and scones, which were still hot, and I knew they'd be the first to go as soon as we opened the doors. I also double-checked the coffee machines, making sure they were clean and ready to brew all day long. Once the plants were watered and pastries set, I headed to the front window to hang up a new poster advertising an upcoming poetry night we were hosting. Wilma printed and designed it with bold artistic letters and a little sketch of a coffee cup next to it. I used a bit of tape to secure the edges, securing it to the front window and centered for everyone to see. As I finished up, I wiped down the tables and chairs, making sure everything was spotless. The last thing I needed was someone complaining about a sticky spot on a table or chair. I rearranged the cushions, giving the booths that extra welcoming touch. Everything was in place by the time I was done, and The Daily Grind was ready to go. The café had this lived-in feel that always made me smile. It was the kind of space that felt like a warm hug—for anyone who needed it. I poured the fresh streaming brew into a mug, fixing it up just how I liked it, feeling the warmth spreading through my hands. As I leaned against the counter, taking that first comforting sip, a familiar figure appeared outside, her bodyguards in tow. I wasn't even officially open yet, but when Jenna Ortega knocks, who am I to not answer? I walked over to unlock the door, letting her and the guards in. Jenna wasn't in her usual hoodie this time. Today, she wore a stylish see-through white tee paired with a pair of plaid pants with high heels. Looking casual but chic. "You look nice," I said, feeling the comment slip out naturally. Jenna smiled warmly. "Thanks. She added, "I have an early interview for an upcoming film...and then some other boring meetings," her tone was slightly sarcastic. I gave her a teasing look. "Boring? Sounds like you've got a rough life," I joked, rolling my eyes playfully. Jenna chuckles lightly, brushing her hair out of her face. "Yeah, it's tough being me," she shot back. I shrugged, "Well, technically, we're not open yet, but I've already got everything set up, so if you want, I can get you and your crew settled in." Jenna exchanged a quick look with her bodyguards, who nodded back at her. "Thanks, that would be great." I turned to the guards, who had positioned themselves quietly near the entrance. "So, what can I get you guys?" The taller two, who had a more serious demeanor, spoke first. "I'll take a hot coffee. Black, with two pumps of vanilla and a dash of cinnamon." The second guard, who seemed more talkative, said with a small smile, "Tea, please. With milk and one sugar. I'm more of a tea guy myself." I nodded and then looked back at Jenna, expecting her to give her order, but I beat her. "Iced coffee with caramel and whipped cream, right?" Jenna raised an eyebrow, "Not bad. I guess I'm predictable." Jenna leaned her back on the counter as I got to work preparing the drinks, glancing toward the front. "What's that about?" she asked, pointing to the poster I hung earlier. "Oh, that? We run an event for people to come to enjoy poetry or music with their coffee. It's pretty laid-back. Kind of a 'grab the mic if you feel like it' vibe." Jenna nodded, looking at it. "Noted," was all she said softly. "Here's your drinks," I called. Each drink lined up. I handed the bodyguards their drinks, and they settled into the bar area by the cash register while Jenna and I sat at one of the tables, far enough away to talk privately.

"Sorry to inconvenience you again." Jenna replied, smiling briefly before glancing out the window, her fingers tracing the rim of her drink, a little distracted. "You look like you're lost," I teased. "Something on your mind?" Jenna blinked, snapping out of her thoughts and giving me a small smile." Just thinking about the day ahead. Meetings, interviews...nothing too exciting." She glanced at me, smile falling slightly. "But I guess everyone has their own version of busy, right?" I nodded. "Yeah, but at least your 'busy' involves making movies. Not a bad gig." Jenna chuckled softly, "True, but you'd be surprised how much of it is just waiting around, talking about things you've already said a thousand times. It's not all glamorous." I tilted my head slightly, "I can imagine. It's like running a coffee shop. People think it's just pouring drinks and chatting with customers, but there is a lot of behind-the-scenes stuff no one sees." She looked up around me, a spark of intrigue in her eyes. "Yeah? Like what?" I shrugged. "You know, making sure machines are maintained, cleaned, and functional, keeping the inventory stocked, baking pastries fresh every day, And don't even get me started with dealing with the occasional difficult customer, celebrity or not." She laughed, her smile returning tenfold. "I guess we both deal with our fair share of drama, huh?" I grinned, nodding. "Exactly. but hey, at least you get to wear cool outfits. All I get is this apron." She glanced at my apron. "Well...it suits you. And besides, I'm sure you could pull off one or two if you tried." My blush crept up, but I sipped from my cup to cover it. Jenna gave me a playful smile, taking a sip of her own. "So," Jenna began, "Where's Wilma this morning? I feel like I'm missing the other half of this Daily Grind dynamic duo." "She had to drop off her siblings at school," I explained, getting comfortable. "We've been best friends since preschool. Never really been apart, even traveled across the country to open this place together." Jenna's curiosity grew. "That's amazing. No wonder you guys make a great team; you're like a hive mind." I nodded, laughing at the thought. "As terrifying as that is, we do make a great team. Wilma's practically family. We've seen each other through school and jobs. It's been an adventure." Jenna's gaze softened as she asked, "And your real family? Are they around?" I shifted slightly, setting my drink down. "My older brothers, Marcus and Caleb, live here in California with me. We share an apartment together. But the rest of my family, my parents and younger sister, are back in New York." Her eyes lit up. "Wait, you've got a younger sister too? Same here—she can be such a pain, always finding ways to bug me, but that's little sisters for, right?" Jenna chuckled softly, a mix of affection and exaggeration in her voice. "She keeps me on my toes." I chuckled, adding, "Tell me about it. Sometimes, it's a lot of deciding whether to ship her off or not, but I wouldn't trade it for anything. And then, of course, there's Mr. Noodles." Jenna's brow furrowed in confusion, gnawing at her straw. "Mr. Noodles?" I smiled, nodding. My tuxedo cat. He's the real boss of the house." Jenna gasped loudly, startling her guards. "I need to see pictures. Now." I pulled out my phone, scrolling through the dozens of photos I had of Mr. Noodles, and handed it over. Jenna's face lit up with a huge smile as she swiped through the photos. "He's adorable! Look at this gentleman; his tie is too cute! How can you ever leave him to go to work?" I shrugged, shaking my head. "It's tough, but he's got work too. He's a professional napper around the clock, so he manages without me." Jenna handed the phone back, shaking her head in return. But my brain froze; her fingers brushed against mine for a brief moment. It quite literally—shocked me. "Thanks," she said, her hand lingering just a second longer than I expected before she pulled away. "No problem," I replied, trying to calm my racing heart.

"I think I might be in love with Mr. Noodles more than anything else." she joked. I laughed as the door swung open, and Wilma burst in, a disheveled mess, panting like she had just run a marathon. "Sorry, sorry! I swear, herding those beasts into the car is like trying to wrangle lions." Jenna, her guards, and I all turned to look at Wilma, who attempted to play it cool, straightening up as she wiped her brow. "Don't mind me. I'll be in the back getting ready." But before disappearing, she shot me a cheeky smile and said, "Keep charming, mascot." I quickly drank from my empty mug, hoping the ground of the mug would swallow me whole. Jenna raised an eyebrow, "Mascot?" she asked, her voice laced with amusement. I rubbed the back of my neck, "Yeah, it's just Wilma's nickname. She has called me since we opened the café, and she says I'm the face of the place." Jenna let out a laugh, "That's cute. It suits you," she teased, her smile growing. She added, "So, do I call you Mascot now, or is that just reserved by Wilma?" I chuckled, shaking my head. "More like trademarked; she's big on original nicknames but doesn't mind if they stick." "Alright, then, I'll have to go to the drawing board." She chuckled. Jenna's guards glanced at each other, then at the phone in front of them, before standing up. "Ma'am, we've got to head out. Your manager's been calling non-stop," one of them said, holding up Jenna's phone. It read 25 missed calls and 12 growing messages. She sighed, clearly not ready to leave, but she nodded. "Alright, guess I've got to go face the music." She stood up, and I offered to top off her coffee. "You've got a busy schedule. Want a refill to help get through it?" Jenna smiled gratefully. "That would be great, thanks." I quickly refilled her cup, handing it back to her as she pulled out some cash. I frowned, confused. "You don't have to—" She cut me off with a smirk. "I never paid for my drink the other day, and I'm covering today, too. Keep the change as a tip for the drink and for treating me like an actual person." She handed me the cash, along with a piece of paper. As Jenna and her guards left the café, the door softly closed behind them. I stare down at the money. Suddenly, I felt a pinch on my arm. "Ow!" I yelped, spinning around to see Wilma scolding me. "That was to snap you out of it. Also, for not charging your celebrity crush like a regular customer," she teased, hands on her hips. I shot her a look. "I was! I was just caught up in conversation. And besides, Jenna's a good tipper." Looking back at it, I realized the paper wasn't just her receipt—it had her Instagram handle scribbled at the bottom, along with a note that read, 'Thanks for the coffee and conversations again, Slick. You still owe me some more café stories.' I stood there, dumbfounded, as Wilma yelled back, "Come on, mascot, it's opening time before I take your tip!" Snapping back to reality, I shook my head and pocketed the receipt and money. "Alright, alright, I was just counting!"

[mirrortouchedsea]

Secret Santa 2024 PART 2!!! Once again this is a gift for @oh-great-another-blog-posts, this time we have HiMERU and Jun just hanging out on break from a job. CW for general reimei isms.

@enstars-secret-santa

---

Jun wipes his forehead and slumps down in one of the break room chairs. He’s doing a job without the rest of Eden today, but a few other CosPro idols were there too, so he isn’t entirely alone. He takes a swig from his water bottle and leans back in the chair to catch his breath. 

Jun perks up when the door creaks open and someone else slips inside. Oh, hey HiMERU…san. Ah, HiMERU didn’t realize you were also taking a break in here Sazanami, HiMERU will leave now. Oh, you don’t have to do that HiMERU-san, I thought we were friends? It takes a moment for HiMERU to respond and Jun worries he’s overstepped. Kaname always was touchy on that subject, wasn’t he. Ah, yes, HiMERU apologizes for that. He sits down awkwardly across from Jun and also drinks from his water bottle. The silence is deafening and Jun racks his brain for something to say. What did Kaname even like? Does Jun even know him at all? 

In the end, HiMERU is the one who breaks the silence first. You did well during our last shoot, Sazanami. You weren’t half bad either, I didn’t realize you could dance like that. HiMERU has many talents and must be flexible to be the perfect idol. What’s with that anyway? With what? Being the perfect idol, I mean, you were pretty obsessed with Kazehaya-senpai--Do not say his name around HiMERU. Sorry man, but you were pretty obsessed with uh, that guy I guess, talking about how perfect he was and how you wanted to be like him. HiMERU remembers no such thing. Jun thinks to himself how Kaname’s injuries must be worse than he thought after that incident. Whatever, forget I said anything, but thanks for the compliment I guess. 

…

…

… 

What was HiMERU like in school, before the…well you know. You were such an asshole when we first met, but I’m not shocked you don’t remember that at all. Ridiculous, HiMERU treats everyone with respect. Just yesterday I saw you calling Rinne-senpai some colorful words that would make Ohii-san’s ears bleed. Amagi is a different case. Yeah? He’s an insufferable asshole who decides things on a whim and doesn’t care for anyone else. Uh huh… Yesterday he decided to place a plastic bucket full of water above the door before practice and it fell on HiMERU causing him to be soaked. That sounds like Rinne-senpai alright, but you haven’t left Crazy:B or anything so it can’t be that bad can it? Unfortunately no, Amagi is a competent leader when he wants to be. Rare to hear you admitting something like that about Rinne-senpai, I mean even Sakura always has something to say about the guy. It is a rather unfortunate circumstance HiMERU has found himself in, though he is not surprised that Oukawa has vented to you as well. 

Back on topic, is there anything else about HiMERU from high school you remember? I mean, you were pretty popular with the special students for a while there, it was hard t’ get ya alone sometimes. Why would you need to be alone with HiMERU? Well I don’t fuckin’ know, I wanted to try and be your friend after your time in the work house and with Tatsumi-senpai. HiMERU still cannot believe he was ever ‘friends’ with that freak. Tatsumi-senpai is amazing, but anyway, once you became a special student, you never wanted to be seen in public with me which sucked but like, I get why, those guys are brutal, but still. HiMERU apologizes for being so cold with you back then, he would actually like to…get to know you better. Yeah? Yes, he would like to make amends for his past transgressions. Well I s’pose this is a good place to start with that, oh, could you toss me that water bottle? Sure, here, it’s important to stay hydrated during jobs like these, HiMERU should drink some water as well. 

Jun takes a swig from his water bottle. HiMERU is definitely a weird guy, and he’s definitely not the same guy from Reimei Academy that he knew, but could that all be chalked up to his injury? He isn’t entirely sure, something about this HiMERU in front of him, drinking from his water bottle in the most perfect form despite it just being the two of them in the room, wasn’t Kaname, but…well Jun shouldn’t pry into those reasons, should he. He was partially responsible for not warning them in time, so he shouldn’t get those answers just because he wants them. 

They finish their water and go back to work, but Jun is a little lighter on his feet. Whoever this HiMERU is, they care a lot for Kaname. He won’t pry into it, at least for now. 

[mrs-snape5984]

“Dancing with tears in my eyes, weeping for the memory of a life gone by…”

“It's time and we're in each other's arms. It's time, but I don't think we really care…” (“Dancing with tears in my eyes” by Ultravox)

After reading my following lines, I decided to put a trigger warning on this post. I used this platform to vent out my frustration and despair. Those of you wonderful readers, who get triggered by mentions of hopelessness and subtle hints of suicidal thoughts, should better skip the next seven paragraphs. Thank you for your understanding!

Lying in the darkness of my room…forced by this cruel disease ME/CFS to live a restrained life in a body and mind, which makes me feel as if I’m an animal, trapped in captivity…I often show tendencies to dream myself away…drowning in my fantasies of Severus Snape.

With him by my side, I can do the things, which my diseased body and my disoriented mind are refusing to allow me experiencing them anymore. Things, which I’m desperately yearning for, since this sickness has clawed me into her tight grip about 1,5 years ago.

I want to leave my darkness so badly that it hurts. The longing for a self-destined life in freedom becomes unbearable for me to endure. My only piece of liberty left is my habit of sitting on the balcony outside of my bedroom at nighttime, enjoying the silence of the world and a fresh breeze on my face without getting overstimulated by noises, motions and lights.

In times, when even this tiniest bit of peace isn’t possible for me to enjoy anymore…when another crash is suppressing me even further…forcing me to stay in bed for days or weeks, my soul seems to absorb the darkness around me. I’m getting tired of this life…tired of myself…tired of being doomed to uselessness.

I mean, what’s left of my former self? My professional career as a pedagogue, working as a social worker for the government office for youth welfare seems to be a fading memory in my mind. Now I have to ask my mother for help with each bureaucratic application form, because my retarded brain refuses to understand these things anymore. For someone, who has always been proud of their intellect and education, this is a real low blow. Also, I’m a person, who’s really bad at asking for help. The thought of being dependent on others has always been one of my biggest nightmares…and now I can’t even do the smallest tasks on my own!

My three amazing children were used to have an active, funny mother, who guided them through this confusing world….who showed them the beauty of life in its fullest. And now, they’re witnessing their mother lying in her bed surrounded by darkness day in, day out! Sure, I’m still trying to be there for them in my minimalistic possibilities…but it isn’t the same as they’ve always known it to be. You can’t imagine, how guilty I’m feeling for being so useless…for not being the mother, my kids would deserve to have!

In order to escape these thoughts of hopelessness and to forbid myself to drown in despair, searching for ideas of exiting this world, I rather keep clinging on Severus…like I’ve done it over the past 21 years.

I’ve commissioned my friend @opalchalice to make my fantasy of Severus and my (self-inserted as fuck) OC Julia, dancing in the rain…letting their sorrows be washed off from the pouring raindrops…come to life through her beautiful art. I asked her to draw this moment of peace for Sevy and Jules…a moment of joy before the world around them would fall apart.

Lia, you did an incredible job with this artwork! There’s nothing, that I don’t love about it. Please, take my apologies for writing such a pathetically whiny post beneath your lovely drawing. I know, it should have deserved better. But rest assured, my friend, your art always gifts me some light and comfort for my troubled heart and soul and I enjoy every conversation with you! Thank you for everything!

🖤Severus & Julia🖤

🖤Sevy & Jules🖤

[ronnie-ratke]

I need to vent because he’s actually making me feel like I’m crazy. Bare with me this is gonna be long.

So quick back story me and my partner have been together for almost nine months now. Before we even started dated he was made VERY aware of the state of my mental health, in extreme depth. I have BPD, i explained narcissistic tendencies, daily self destructive, and literally every single behavior in depth which examples. I literally said I’m a walking red flag and he decided it was worth it.

All was good and the relationship was great then my life took a massive shit, two of my dogs died, my lamb died, my tegu died, my childhood dog was diagnosed with mast cell cancer (it’s been three weeks since the surgery to remove it and she’s had every complication possible and is on around the clock meds), my other 17 year old dog who is my literal reason to live is starting to go down hill. My mental health inevitably took a shit as well. I wouldn’t say I’ve been any more snippy or irritable than I always am. But my partners whole demeanor has seemed to change. But apparently I’m the only one who sees it. His friend now lives with him (at his grandparents with his mom) with this I can’t even have a private phone call with him to vent or talk about literally anything serious. His phone is always on speaker and most the time he’s just talking to his friend while I sit there in silence. He’s even told me he’s had his friend read my texts and wrote a response so it sounds better and I “won’t get mad” When he’s at my house for a few days there’s just so much disconnect it feels like. I go to work and he sits at my house on his phone or gaming, I come home and do all the animal care myself and then it repeats until he goes home.

I really just feel like he can’t even give me the time of day to actually talk. Like more than surface level “what’re you doing” “oh fun”. But when I bring this up his response is “well I don’t see it like the but OK”. I genuinely feel like I’m the problem and am just being needy because how he reacts. I point blank tell him I wanna k!ll myself and his response is always “well that’s illegal” or “that’s not allowed”. Like I’m saying it as a joke or just shit posting. He refuses to acknowledge that i actually don’t want to do this anymore. My life is a shit show and it feels like he couldn’t be less empathetic. I’m just really struggling, I don’t have any friend like at all. My contact at any point ever is my mom and him, that’s it. I feel hopeless and don’t want to go down this rabbit hole of beating around the bush until I get broken up with again because “my mental health is too much” but I don’t want to end things. I want this to work, I love him. I just don’t know what to do so anyway if you read all this thanks for coming to my BPD Ted talk

[a-problematic-writer]

Can we get an aftermath of Sky City? Jesse has a chance to visit Aiden in his cell and vent feels? A bit of angst but ending off with fluff. To call back to another Telltale game. "You're not as bad as everyone says you are." Bonus if goodbye, we'll meet again kiss.

Ask and ye shall receive teehee! Meant to be a continuation of the set of fics I wrote involving Jesse and Aiden being a couple pre-s1 ^^ No need to read those to understand! I hope you enjoy! [I also figure this works for another ask I got for "Dramatic Aidesse" in a reply on a post from a friend ^^]

Jesse’s not sure what’s worse: the dim hallway or the fact that even her breathing reverberates off the cobblestone walls—as if the click of her and the guard's boots and the jangle of the key ring at their side wasn’t nerve-wracking enough. She’s damn near certain she can hear her heartbeat in the hall too. Badump. Badump. Badump. Like a drum against her chest and announcing to the world how terrified she is. Her throat dries and she wishes she had accepted the offered bottle of water. It is what it is. She just has to push forward despite shaking in her boots.

She appreciates the guards' silence but also loathes it. No one seemed surprised she wanted to see Aiden, not even Isa. She immediately sent in the request and within the hour here Jesse was walking the long hall down to Aiden’s solitary cell. She’s not sure she’s ready to see him, hasn’t been sure since she decided she wanted to. Maybe Lukas was right, maybe she was losing it—but Aiden and those horrid mismatched eyes and the rain dripping down his face like tears has done nothing but haunt her. She has to see him. Has to. Has to get everything off her chest so she can move on.

The guard stops in front of a reinforced iron cell and her stomach drops into her boots as they fish the key from their side and slide it into the lock. The mechanism makes a scraping clunk of a noise as it’s turned and the guard pulls the door open and flips a switch to turn on the overhead redstone lamp. Her breath hitches. Aiden was in the middle of sitting up on his cot when the light flipped on. He covers his eyes from the assaulting rays as he grimaces.

“Got a visitor.”

“Visitor?”

His voice is hoarse and sets her stomach twisting and curling in ways that twist like nausea. The guard steps out of the way to present her. It takes Aiden a good moment to focus on her and when he does he freezes up entirely, eyes wide as his hand automatically comes back to his side slowly. She wants to offer something in greeting but can only gawk at the disheveled man before her. His hair is long—bangs in his eyes. Those pretty eyes have horrible dark circles around them that make his sunken-in, scruffy, face look more like death than it should. A pang reverberates in her chest.

“I’ll be back in ten.”

She barely gets to look at the guard before they’re off and she’s left alone with the man who broke her heart and tried killing her to boot. It should make her hate him. It should. It should. It should! But as she stands here, she just finds herself dejected and teary-eyed. He looks awful like he’s not being fed and barely sleeps…

“Jesse?” Her breath hitches at the soft way he murmurs her name, lips trembling involuntarily. He pushes himself up and she finds herself taking an unconscious step back that has hurt twisting his features before he crosses his arms and stays put. “What’re you doing here?”

Where his voice was soft it’s now edged. Her lips part as an answer buzzes to life but then dies as she meets his eyes. What is she doing here? What was the point? Closure? She felt more stable before seeing him. She sucks in a shuddering breath.

“I don’t know…” Her voice shakes and she curses herself. His brow knits together as a grimace tightens his features. Concern palpable, enough so it sticks in her chest and intensifies the dull pang into a steady ache. “I shouldn’t be—this was a mistake.”

The last part isn’t meant to be heard but her shaking voice dances off the cobblestone walls and has her throat tightening as Aiden scoffs, pretty eyes shining with intense pain that has guilt swallowing her.

“Then leave," he spits—she can almost see the venom dripping off his chin. The words are curt and angry but mostly pained. “I don’t want you here, anyway.”

Briefly, anger and indignation take over and she spins on her heel and makes three steps out of his cell before being brought to a halt by some unknown force. She knows it to be her heart screaming to not leave. It’s been waiting for him to be back in her life. She hates it. And yet, no matter how much she wants to keep marching forward, chalk this up as a failure, and go home to lick her wounds—She can’t. Not now. She broke past the wall and now all sorts of emotions she’d forgotten are spilling into her veins. She pivots toward him. He scowls.

“Go!”

She wants to. He wants her to. She can’t. She’s planted here. A single question bouncing off the walls of her skull, ringing in her ears, and swelling her tongue:

“Why?”

He scoffs eyes rolling. She hates that she recognizes the defensive way he has his arms crossed. Being with him for 2 years, she’d easily started recognizing his mannerisms. She crossed arms and head turned to the side tell her he’s hurting. Her heart beats oddly, tugging her forward until she’s back in the doorway of the cell. His eyes jump to her and she sees it. Sees the facade break for half a second. Relief and something else simmering in his eyes before they go dark again and he sneers.

“Because you obviously don’t wanna be here!” His voice is all edge but ultimately hollow. There’s no conviction behind the answer. She would have kept walking if she didn’t. He’s also not understanding her question… or maybe he doesn’t want to confront it. “Don’t let me stop you from walk—”

“No,” she says and her voice wavers. His sneer falls into a frown eyes cutting to the floor. “Why did you—” Her voice breaks again. A wave of pain pushing up against like a tide on a cliff. “—why did you do it? Do—” A ball is forming in her throat. Her composure can only last so long. She doesn’t want to cry in front of him. Yet can’t help it. “—do all of this?”

His eyes lift from the floor to meet hers. For the second time since she got here, he looks sincere—brows furrowing expression tender. He never liked when she cried. She’s nearly compelled to just run at him and fall into his arms. She’s craved it since he left, since the big fight. Since everything turned upside down. She almost thinks he’d let her. Then the vulnerability leaves and his face tightens, arms pressing closer to his chest. Her heart sinks.

“You needed a wake-up call.”

She breathes a bitter laugh. Same song and dance. She’s so tired of it.

“From what?”

“Yourself!” He barks and she can’t help but roll her eyes.”All you did was throw your weight around plundering temples and calling yourselves heroes.”

The venom in his voice strikes hard and irritates the tears that were already forming behind her eyes. She can’t stand to look at him; her eyes dropping to the floor as tears stream down her face.

“God, you're an asshole.”

He huffs a bitter laugh. That rattles her with its cruelty.

“At least I’m consistent.”

That does it. Her pain whips into anger. Blood boiling beneath her skin as she cut her eyes like daggers up to him.

“You aren’t though!” She spits. “We used to be good! Weren’t we? Weren’t we?” The anger falls fast as he bows his head away from her. Not answering. Pain quickly filling its shoes and dragging a sob from her. “And then one day you just blindside me with a breakup and won’t explain why and then treat me like… like…” Her mouth dries and her frame shakes as more sobs bombard her. “like you… like you never…” ‘Like you never loved me’. She can’t say it. The thought twists a knife too deep into her stomach and heart. She can’t resign herself to it. Even if it is true at this point. She sniffles swiping furiously at her eyes and looking him dead on. “I just want an answer, Aiden. Please.” He won’t look at her. “Please, Aiden.” She’s begging at this point, nearly prepared to fall to her knees. She needs an answer. She needs an answer now! Or this pain won’t go away. This pain will consume her. “Why? Why do you hate me? Aiden, please!”

“You hated me!”

His snappy reply cuts through the tension and her pain—confusing her. He exhales a shaky breath and swipes at his own eyes.

“I didn’t.”

His eyes meet hers and that genuine sincerity, that vulnerability—the man she fell in love with looks back at her again. The facade is cracking. She wonders how long he spent thinking she did. Even now after everything’s been said and done. She still doesn’t hate him. And she should. She should. She should. She should! But instead, her heartbeat tugs her a step into his cell. Instead, she finds it unbearable they’re not closer. That any of this has to be hashed. And just as before, the mask hardens again and he scoffs. And the moments shattered and she steps back out of the cell.

“Sure.”

“I loved you!”

And she did. Loved him so much it annoyed everyone. Her parents, Olivia and Axel, Petra… though Petra just hated hearing her gush and her mother and father worried she was getting too involved with him too fast. Olivia was scared things would go wrong. And Axel… Axel thought she deserved better. Never understood her feelings for him. She barely did sometimes. He was different with her though. More comfortable, she thinks. And they were so similar. And she loved him. She thinks she still does…

“Oh fuck off with that!”

His response startles her and twists in her side painfully. There’s a pain behind the seering words though. One she wants to grab hold of and unravel.

“I did, Aiden! I loved you!”

Repeating the sentiment only seems to make him angrier. She stands her ground though. He can believe whatever he wants about her but she won’t let him diminish or doubt the fact she loves him.

“Sure you fucking did! So much, right?” His voice trembles and breaks. Her shoulders slump. Something deeply hurt is clawing at him, trying to fight its way out. She steps back into the doorway of the cell. “You really think I’m not smart enough to see that something was going on between you and Lukas?” She inhales sharply at that. Sure, she could tell Lukas liked her but she never reciprocated. Not when she and Aiden were together and even after she was too hung up to properly commit to the relationship. Anything that was ‘going on’ between them dead. At least for her. “He was so smitten…” He continues, voice biting and downright vicious “and acted so coy like I wasn’t right there! It wasn’t enough he got to be there with you while I struggled to keep Maya and Gill alive—” His voice breaks with a sob. “he just had to rub in how much you two hit it off. How little I deserved you... like I didn’t already fucking know that!”

He breaks fully arms dropping to his sides as he bows his head and turns it off to the side, sobbing. Next, he’s gripping the pants of his jumpsuit and he’s got his hands his eyes hands. His cries bounce off the walls and lodge themselves in her throat, stirring up her own tears.

“Aiden…”

He coughs and collapses onto his cot. It gives an awful creak as he does. He won’t look at her—head bowed as he digs his nails into his knees, still sobbing. The tears that streak down his face catch the light of the lamp above. She wants so badly to wipe them away.

“Go,” he says weakly. “Please…”

Her shoulders drop. She doesn’t want to. She gets the feeling he doesn’t want her to either.

“Do you really want me to?”

His breathing hitches and trembles as he lifts his head, eyes finally meeting hers. That angry mask is gone for good it seems as he sniffles, swiping gently at his tears and shaking his head. Her chest squeezes heart beating woefully. It tugs her forward again and she makes it past the threshold into his cell. It’s surprisingly drafty inside. His eyes widen as she continues toward him. Unsure of what she’s planning. She’s not sure either. She’s just tired of the distance between them. She finds herself settling next to him on the cot. Her leg flush against his, elbows brushing. They both stiffen. It’s the most contact they’ve had in years. She can feel him trembling. Or maybe it’s her.

Being so close, she can really study him. He won’t look at her instead fixated on a crack between the floor and wall of his cell. She’s not used to his looking so rugged. He preferred a clean shave and short hair. But his hair has lost its signature undershave and is beginning to reach his shoulders and he’s got a good stubble growing. She can also better see the scar from when she caught his face with her sword. Her stomach twists with guilt. She hadn’t wanted to hurt him. But he was so blinded by anger… she’s afraid he would’ve hurt her. And with how he’s acting now, she knows he wouldn’t have wanted that.

With some hesitance, his eyes finally part from the crack and meet hers. Seeing those pretty mismatched irises so close again has affection swelling in her chest even if they’re muddied by tears. She can’t help but trace with her eyes the freckles on his face either or note where each piercing used to be. That slow crooked grin. Her heartbeat stutters as her eyes come back to him. He’s looking her over too. No hint of upset, disgust, or hatred. He’s looking at her like he used to. Like she’s everything. Every fiber of her wants to throw her arms around him and sink into a deep embrace. She’s missed him so much. But she refrains. Instead, she aims for something less risky—taking his hand. His breath hitches eyes wide as they dart down to their connected hands and then back up to her eyes. She flashes him a smile. His expression grows tender.

“You’re not as bad as you think you are. I promise.”

His breath hitches again and he blinks furiously, trying to fight tears but loses the battle as they streak down his face. His hand squirms in hers for a moment, feeling clammy. She nearly pulls away fearing she’s making him uncomfortable until his fingers lace between the spaces in hers and he gives a firm squeeze.

“I don’t hate you, Jess.”

She can’t help the bright smile, affection threatening to drown her. He’s shy, eyes dancing away from hers as he coughs, covering it with his free hand. She leans into him out of habit and old instinct. He stiffens.

“I don’t hate you either, AJ.”

His breath hitches at the nickname. She thinks maybe she shouldn’t have used it but when she peers up at him his smile tells her it’s more than welcome. He tightens his grip on her hand and lays his head against hers, slightly guiding her to his chest. She listens intently to his heartbeat and breathing. She hates how bony he feels beneath her. She’ll have to inquire about his conditions… she’ll think about her plans for after their visit later. Right now he’s close and she wants to soak in his warmth and presence. And that’s what they do. Neither speaks just settles there cuddled close together. She finds herself so at ease she could sleep…

But they don’t get forever right now. The security door to the cell block opening echoes down the hall followed by the cough of a guard. She lifts her head and frowns as she sees them approaching, shoulders slumping.

“Think the ten’s up.”

He frowns, deflating slightly, but nods. He doesn’t want her to leave judging by how he squeezes her hand. She doesn’t want to leave either. But this isn’t their moment. Not yet. She has a lot to think on. He has a sentence to serve. She’s sure of what she wants now though. She doesn’t want to forget him or what they had. She wants to give it another chance. He releases her hand reluctantly. She feels impossibly cold without the contact. His sad eyes make her chest ache. She doesn’t want to say goodbye. So she elects not to. Instead making a potentially horrid decision on her part and gripping his shoulder to pull him to her in a chaste kiss to the corner of his mouth. He stiffens briefly but presses back just enough for her to know he feels the same way. She pushes back and offers him a bright smile.

“Stay outta trouble, okay? I wanna see you again.”

He inhales sharply through his nose, brows shooting up before he mirrors her smile.

“Of course.”

[80pairsofcrocs]

baby scarab || 53

@yikesitskennawrites - Rough idea of a chapter thing (my dude, I just woke up from my post dinner nap so excuse me): Khonshu uses his god powers to kind of play puppet with y/n and make them fight the moonboys for funsies. Y/n has zero control in their actions and the boys don't want to hurt her so when Y/n comes back to reality (because they aren't aware of it, kind of like blacking out and coming to) y/n finds the boys beaten up because they didn't want to lay a hand on her.

I love your series :) <3

~~~

anon - For baby scarab in maybe one of the chapters moonboys found out reader can play guitar or an instrument or like the drums and there all super shocked bc when she lived alone she had some free time to try something diff so she's kinda good

~~~

@r4tch1ld - Khonshu and y/n watching two birds fight over scrap and being like,...who's gonna win?

~~~

A/N : pls read the announcement!!

masterlist - marvel masterlist - series masterlist

A/N : THERE IS NO MORE SCHEDULE, IM SORRY also thank you all sm for the support and requests :)))

please enjoy, and don't be shy if you want to be in the taglist, just ask <3, sorry for the long wait

pairings : steven grant x (platonic)reader, marc spector x (platonic) reader, khonshu x (platonic)reader, jake lockley x (platonic)reader

TW : medicine (pills), spidey stuff, mentions of violence, language, fighting, nothing else really, crack, let me know if i missed anything.

~~~

it was two in the morning.

how do you know that? it's because you're wide awake.

your migraine has ceased, and now you were just bored.

you would get up and go do something but steven had an arm around you since you ended up falling asleep with him.

and tiktok could only do so much before you got too bored of it.

"spiderling! get up" you hear khonshu whisper shout from the now open window.

"why?" you whisper back, looking back to steven to make sure he was still asleep.

"your friends are quarreling" he leaves back to what you assumed was the roof.

you roll your eyes and look to steven, who was still sound asleep.

you decide you follow khonshu, so you carefully move stevens arm from around you, replacing yourself with a pillow.

you slip out of the bed and watch as steven cuddled a bit deeper into the pillow, making you smile.

making your way to the open window, you start hearing crows cawing at each other.

that makes you smile even wider.

you peek out the window and shoot a web up the brick wall outside, slipping out of the window and pulling yourself up to the edge of the short wall.

you pull yourself over the roofs edge, seeing khonshu perched on one of the huge vents and looking down at something that you can't see yet.

you curiously and quietly approach to see that khonshu was looking down at two crows.

and they were fighting over what looked like half a slice of pizza.

you chuckled, alerting khonshu of your presence. he jumped when he realized you were there.

"still a damn shadow" he mumbles and moves over so that you could crawl up to sit next to him on the vent.

"yeah, love you too buddy" you deadpan, watching the crows fight over the food.

it only takes another three seconds for you to talk again. "who do you thinks gonna win?" you ask khonshu and he tilts his head and hums.

"the one on the right" he decides, and you nod.

"yeah i had my bets on him too. his names charlie" you start. "the other one is elden" you add, and khonshu nods.

the two of you sit in silence, watching the crows until khonshu is the one to break the silence.

"i have a question" he states and you look to him to urge him to continue.

"it was many moons ago but.. i saw something when you and your parents were flailing about in the water" he begins to explain, and you make a face at the wording.

"yeah? what was it?" you ask, getting the idea of what he was trying to say.

he was referring to when you and your parents went to the beach.

"it's about you" he continues as you furrow your brows. "i noticed.. scars. on your back. i'm surprised none of the idiots said anything with how attached they are to you" he finishes and you take a breath.

"..how many did you see?" you question hesitantly.

"four"

"shit" you mutter. "did you tell them?" khonshu doesn't move or answer you verbally, but just by the way he was staring at you gave you your answer.

"khonshu i know you want to help but i really didn't want them to know about those" you start and he looks back down at the birds.

"i didn't want to explain how i got them yet" you ended quietly.

"then i apologize, child" he says a bit quieter, and you can tell by the tone of his voice that he meant it.

you just sigh tiredly and run a hand down your face. "it's fine" you mumble and you both go back to watching the crows.

"i'll tell you who wins in the morning. you should go back to bed" khonshu says to you quietly and you look at him in surprise.

"since when do you care if i get sleep?" you question is all seriousness.

"in my defense, you are cranky when you're tired" he says simply and you nod.

"fair enough. i'll see you tomorrow. night" you hop off the vent and make your way to the edge of the roof, ready to jump back in through the window.

"sleep well, little spector" is the last thing he says before you disappear back into the apartment.

you close the window after you get back inside, to see that steven was awake, and patiently waiting for you.

"i'm sorry, khonshu wanted to show me something" you apologize and steven gives you a tight lipped smile.

"that's alright, just try to get back to sleep" he says in a hushed voice and you nod, laying back down to have steven bring the blankets up to your chin, pressing a light kiss to your head before laying back down himself.

now that's what you would call an under reaction.

if this was marc, he would've lightly scolded you then order you to get back to bed, and steven would've given you some kind of lecture.

but this time he didn't, and you had no clue as to why.

do you just went back to sleep, half expecting to get a lecture in the morning.

~~~

"you need your sleep, kid it's non negotiable" marc shakes his head at your pouting figure.

instead of steven, it was marc. which is so much worse since he doesn't sugarcoat anything.

"well my crows were fighting. and khonshu even said that charlie won" you argue and marc raises an eyebrow at you.

"y/n i'm not joking around" marc says sternly and you look down at your lap, fidgeting with your fingers.

"you need to get at least 8 hours-"

"8 hours? marc-"

"don't interrupt me. you think we don't notice every time you leave, but we do. and we always trust you to come back but you need a better sleep schedule now that schools starting soon" he explains and your eyes widen at the last part.

"school? it's already the end of august?" you ask and marc nods.

"shit" you mumble, which earns you a stern look from marc.

"as i was saying" he begins again. "that also means no more arachnid" you scoff.

"that's not fair" you whine and he just shakes his head.

"i know but you have to finish high school, this is your senior year it's the most important" he reasons and your eyes drift to the open window across from where you were both sitting at the kitchen table.

"don't even think about it" you hear jake warn and you sigh, looking away from it.

"oh please, just let the girl be" khonshu makes himself known.

"no, idiot. this is to make sure she has a shot at a normal life" marc defends himself.

"no. she's going to be bored now" khonshu argues back and looks towards you with determination.

"and if you can't see that this is what she really wants to do then i'll do it for her" he stalks over to you, making you get up from your seat in alarm, marc coming towards the both of you as well.

"khonshu wait-" you hold our your arm towards him to stop his movements.

he just sighs. "i apologize little spector, you won't feel a single thing" he rushes in saying, moving to poke you in the center of the chest with the tip of the crescent on his stick.

nothing seemed to happen after that.

or so you thought.

~~~

third pov

~~~

y/n raises an eyebrow at khonshu, as nothing happened when he poked her with his stick.

marc let out a breath of relief until y/n froze in place, her eyes glowing a bright white for a second before her suit formed onto her.

marc panicked, causing jake to front out of habit.

"khonshu what in the absolute fuck is wrong with you?!" steven exclaims from where he was watching in the mirror hanging next to jake.

khonshu only answered by making y/ns head tilt to the left, right before making her shoot a web out at jake, sticking his arm to the wall.

y/n was in a dream like state, not able to control her own body.

and another thing, she wouldn't be able to remember anything that happened while khonshu played puppet with her.

jake easily ripped his arm from the wall the moment y/n started towards him.

jake wasn't stupid, he knew what khonshu was doing.

now, the bird was planning on fighting them. but only in the way that y/n would.

he dug through her brain to see what kind of fighting moves she used, so all he was really doing was using her body for things she has already done.

khonshu in all honesty wanted to help. he was always stuck up and quite frankly a cranky bitch, but seeing as marc was being unfair he had to do something.

and he knew that not a single one of his avatars and would ever lay a hand on y/n.

even if she was attacking him.

and he keeps being proved right.

she was swinging at jake every moment she could, while he just blocked her fists and tried to lead her away from anything that could possibly hurt her.

but the kick to the shin followed by a punch to the nose made them all finally surrender.

jake had a hand up to block y/n from going any further to which khonshu gave up his short control on the girl.

~~~

second pov

~~~

you blink a few times in confusion, trying to remember when you walked across the room and asked khonshu for your suit.

and that's when you noticed the man in front of you, with a now bleeding nose with a hand out towards you in defense.

you gasp at the sight, your hood and mask disappearing from your face as your eyes widen at the scene.

jake put his hand down, noticing how it seemed like you were back.

"oh my god- what just happened?!" you cover your mouth with both of your hands after seeing the blood drip from jakes nose and onto his shirt.

you rush to the kitchen to get a small towel and running it under water before going back to jake who was now just sitting on the floor.

he didn't know how to explain what had just happened, so he simply stayed quiet while you sat down on the floor as well, adjusting yourself so that you were sitting comfortably on his lap.

after getting all the blood cleaned up, you were just holding the towel to his nose to stop the bleeding.

"i just blacked out and now i'm in my suit, can one of you explain?" you ask into the air and jake sighs, bringing a hand up to brush a strand of hair from your face.

"to put it simple, that bonehead possessed you and you may have broken my nose" he shrugs and tears gather in your eyes.

"i did that..?" you trail off and jakes eyes widen before moving to comfort you.

he needed to stop you from crying, basically.

one time you were upset about god knows what, and jake happened to be the one fronting.

you cried into his chest for like an hour while he just stood there not knowing what to do exactly.

that was more stevens thing. comforting you, that is.

jake tried his best, he's still learning how to 'parent' and all that.

"princesa, it's not your fault. it's khonshus, and i can barely feel it" he shrugs and you see his eyes wander all over your face until furrowing his brows at something.

"and it appears that your nose is still broken too" he points out.

shit.

"what? no it's not" you wave him off.

you completely forgot you broke your nose when your dads almost died.

that night that you murdered that man in cold blood.

shaking your head, you get rid of the memory and keep the towel pressed against jakes nose.

"what did i do?" you try to change the subject, and jake just guides your hand down, taking the towel off his face.

"nothing, just let me fix your nose, hm?" he offers and you frantically shake your head.

"it's fine- i really don't-" jake holds your face still and puts a hand up in surrender.

"listen, i'd rather hurl myself off a building than hurt a single pelo en tu bonita cabeza" he assures you and you just sigh.

"is it gonna hurt though?" you ask and he simply doesn't answer, moving both of his hands to clasp them together over your nose, making sure you weren't going to move to much.

"you ready?" jake asks and you just squeeze your eyes shut, giving him his answer.

"alright, i'll do it on the count of tres" he starts and you tense up.

"uno" he squeezes your nose a bit tighter.

"dos" and then there's a sting and a sickening 'crack' before jake takes his hands away from you.

your eyes watered as you gaped at jake who had an unapologetic look on his face.

"you said on three! you ass!" you exclaim, getting off of him while he just chuckles, staying on the floor until steven decides to take over to get up himself and follow after you.

you were in the bathroom, poking at your now non crooked nose, and seeing steven walk in behind you.

"tell jake he's a bitch" you wipe your watery eyes, as you see jake shake his head in the mirror.

"jake can hear you" he says and you chuckle.

"here, how about we forget about all this and go to town, how's that sound?" steven offers and you nod.

"sounds great, just give me five minutes" you nod to yourself.

~~~

you and steven left the building ten minutes later, due to marc taking over the body and having to fix their own nose before going out.

they couldn't believe they forgot to bring up the fact you'd broken your nose days before.

and now, you and steven were walking contently down the sidewalk, just browsing at all the items in the windows.

and it was one that caught your eye, a f/c guitar sitting brand new in the window.

steven noticed how you halted in your steps for a moment, so he guided you inside without a word.

"steven wait-" you started before seeing all the different instruments inside the shop.

steven simply smiled and followed you as you wandered towards where the guitars were.

you were lost in your own little world as you just stared ahead, running your fingers along the base of one of the guitars that are set up for anyone to use.

"you play?" steven asks when you turn back to him and you nod with a smile.

"i had a lot of free time" you shrug and he nods.

"can we see?" steven questions and you make a face.

"i don't know.." you trial off and you hear both marc and jake start complaining.

"oh come on, we didn't even know you played" marc starts.

"si, why didn't you tell us?"

"because it's embarrassing" you mutter and steven just shakes his head.

"no it's not, is anything it's impressive" he assures you and you just sigh.

he darts his eyes from the guitar to you, so you roll your eyes picking it up and sitting down on the empty chair next to it.

there was a small container or guitar pics on the table next to the guitar stand, so you just waited a second as steven moved a chair over next to you.

you were only doing this because there was literally nobody else in the shop, only the cashier who was listening to music with airpods.

steven had a small smile on his face, watching as you adjusted the guitar so that your arm was resting comfortably, so that you could play whenever you wanted to.

you just decided to play the beginning of 'sweet child o' mine', just in a more quiet and mellow way.

steven watched in amazement as you expertly moved your fingers, holding down the correct strings at the right times, marc and jake staying quiet as to not distract you.

you finished it up after a second and put the guitar back on the stand, and the pic back in the container like you never even picked it up in the first place.

"oh sweetheart, that was amazing" steven helps you up, giving you a quick side hug and a smile.

"thank you" you murmur.

"no really, we had no idea" marc breaths out.

"well, now you do" you shrug and keep looking around with steven.

"is there anything else you're hiding from us?" marc asks dramatically, referring to the instruments in the shop.

you just give steven a look, knowing marc could see it.

"maybe" is all you say before moving on to walk forward again.

the day started rocky and ended the opposite.

marc and you decided you can only be arachnid if you aren't failing any of your classes once school starts, and if you promised to be careful.

oh, and also only on weekends.

being arachnid meant you had to get at least 7 hours of sleep each night, no exceptions or excuses.

you agreed of course, especially because khonshu took over your body and broke jakes nose with it.

he was fighting for you, i guess so it works.

you also had a great time showing your dads that you could in fact play multiple instruments, and they were all very impressed since they had no idea you had even touched one before.

now, you four were all in your little world the whole day.

that means none of you noticed someone following you on the sidewalk and watching you from outside the shop.

that meant you didn't know they also followed you home, and had an entire notebook where they had written every single time you left the apartment.

nobody noticed that they've been watching for a while, not even khonshu.

nobody knew when they were going to strike.

and not even your spidey sense could warn you for what's about to come.

~~~

A/N : omfg im so so sorry it took so long and ITS STILL SHORT

anyways, i hope you liked it and ill see you hopefully in a few days :)) ily all sm

~~~

taglist ---

@alexloveskili @ihatemyselfmorethanmydepression @thebiggestsimpshrimp @guyinachair27 @astrobuzzsstuff @mooonlight-and-stars @moonlighting87 @mateihavenoidea @inactive-things @alondrashultz @femalemarvelself @queenthorin1 @haileymorelikestupid @jvdethirlwall @justtiredandvibing @winterfrostsarmy @themapoftinyperfectthings @littlebird101 @atzlena @httpslinow @arrowurboat @m-brekker @lifeandbandmembers-blog @adamcarlsenslvr @violet-19999 @seninjakitey @bestgirlpip @panic-in-the-multiverse @in-between-the-cafes @branolagar @bl6o6dy @annoyingmarvelreader @bee-a-cool-kid @buzzitsbeee @wintergirlsoilder2 @crow-carcass @you-bloody-shank @distinguishedmakerpandapatrol @valiantphantomangel @50shadesofcrocs @rayrlupin @kingshitonly @brekkers-desigirl @hutaos-gh0st @kayane28 @nevaeh-jasso @lizlil @scarabgrant @luvxxee @certainchildmentality @yikesitskennawrites @alexisabirdie

[prose-for-hire]

She hates me

This was my fic for @idabbleincrazy​‘s 1k I can’t believe it’s classic rock challenge !!

(I’m sorry it’s so ridiculously late, but I still wanted to post it !!)

Pairing: Spike x fem!reader 

(or I guess it can be read as Spike x Buffy maaaybe if she was a little ooc and you just squint a little)

Desc: I chose the song She hates me by Puddle of mudd and the phrase ‘Oh fuck off’ !! I decided to actually... challenge myself for this challenge and write something with a bit more angst. Rather than ‘you’ I use ‘she’ pronouns throughout.

Warning: unresolved angst, swearing, arguing, alcohol consumption.

The room was dark by design, the lights dimmed as much as they could be. The clientele of the place weren’t the kind to appreciate any kind of harsh lighting. Not just because it may harm the several pairs of eyes on some demons faces, but because it made it easier to navigate without the stares the less humanoid in feature were accustomed to.

He had braved the bar despite almost every demon in there having him at the top of their hit list. He needed this, needed to be away from the crypt. Everywhere he looked it reminded him of her. Of moments of fervent intimacy. Of stolen moments where she appeared to be right there with him.

Now he couldn’t stop second-guessing it. Everything. Finally seeing through what had been so obvious, if he hadn’t been distracted by how deeply he felt for her.

He sat at the bar. Hunched over his drink. He was several rounds in and not even likely to be halfway through his alcohol intake for the night. Regulars would recognise his face and mutter in disdain, but he didn’t care. His mind was on her. It was always on her.

Here he was again, a place he had found himself in much more frequently. Since her. He always found himself, alone, sitting at the bar and knocking back as much liquor as he could take. He had become a regular, giving the phrase ‘drowning your sorrows’ a new meaning.

There had been a silence for a moment, only interrupted occasionally by growls and whispers about him by demons from the corners of the room. Someone had hit the faulty jukebox on their way past to the bar and jolted it back into action. It was magically programmed to have any song on there that one could imagine and yet this one starts up. He scoffed, downing the rest of his drink.

Met a girl, thought she was grand. Fell in love, found out first hand…

The voice reverberated around his head, making him feel like the room was spinning. Or, perhaps that was the alcohol. His jaw tensed at the words, managing to hear through the fog of his mind and fully experience the meaning.

Because, well, the words spoke to him. He felt them. He was thinking them before the lyrics had put it painfully back into the forefront of his mind.

Went well for a week or two. Then it all came unglued

He growled at this, an involuntary response. His anger began to seep from every pore. About the situation. About her. He turned swiftly and threw an empty glass bottle at the speakers.

The bartender tries to intervene and ask him to leave but before he opened his mouth, he saw Spike’s demeanour. This man was in pain and he had a soft spot for the lonely, heartbroken demons of Sunnydale.

“Let me get you a drink” He offered as Spike patted his pockets down for any cash.

“Hey, this one’s on me. You wanna talk about it?” The bartender asked, scanning the blonde vampire as he spoke.

“Don’t swing that way, mate” He said flatly. Although he cast an eye over the man before he said so. No, he was too concerned with her. As he always was. He could only ever go her way and that was what made this worse. He wanted to fuck away the image of her in his mind. Drink it away. Do anything that could possibly burn her image from where it was stuck fast in his brain.

“Uh, no. I’m offering my ear pal. Most say I’m good to vent to” He shrugged, a third arm slid from under the bar to pass him a drink.

In a trap, trip I can't grip. Never thought I'd be the one who'd slip

“She’s bloody left again… left me hollow – a space she could only fill” he groaned, knowing how pathetic he sounded.

Spike had been trapped. In the web of the words she would spin for him. Such beautiful words that had spoken to his romantic heart. To the idea that had always lived in his mind that he would find the one. One that would last an eternity. That he could love with both heart and mind.

He thought back to how it had been. He began to recount it to the guy behind the bar. Visions of the good that clouded his mind, made him near ready to get up of his seat and walk straight to her. Sink to his knees before her, promise her that his heart would never stray. No matter what she thought. What she said. He hated that he was this way, hated that he would lose the last thread of his pride so that he could tie it into a bow and gift it to her.

She had walked out on him three times, including the latest incident. This one had been the worst, there was something so final about it. That look on her face. As if she wouldn’t care if he had been dusted before her eyes.

When it was good though, it was really good. Devastatingly good. Addictive, even. They spent hours in bed, skin touching skin. There were rough, passionate encounters that led to both parties panting and glowing with pleasure. Other times could be surprisingly tender, holding hands and whispers that led to feelings spilling out. Mostly from Spike, but she had let on that she felt something during the throws of passion.

When they were alone this way, he felt as if he were on top of the world.

Then I started to realize. I was living one big lie…

He had known from the beginning that their relationship, or whatever it was, would have to be a secret. It had been fun at first, sneaking around under everyone’s noses. That was until the guilt settled in. He noticed that she started to pull away. Refused to even discuss telling anyone or calling their relationship what it was. She couldn’t let anybody know about them.

Spike sighed, nursing his drink as he explained how it had been getting harder to get time alone with her. How she didn’t even acknowledge his existence around other people. Especially not her precious Scoobies.

“Didn’t speak to me, would barely look my way. Pretended like the night before hadn’t happened” He said, his voice cracked at the memory. At how she could walk through her life as if it meant nothing. That he meant nothing to her.

He wanted to hold her, to have some sort of intimacy that wasn’t just a quickie whenever she could find the time to slip into the crypt unannounced. But after a while, she always insisted she was busy. Found excuses for why she couldn’t stay very long after they finished up. It hurt him. Wounded him in such a way that his insecurity became too much.

He had started to follow her, to see if there was another guy. One that she left his bed to see. He never caught her with anyone but she did catch him following her one night. He had thought he was at a safe distance but somehow she had spotted him. Might have been something to do with the cloud of smoke that signalled his presence.

She had screamed at him and, although he knew he was in the wrong, he shouted back. That had been the beginning of the end, he realised. She didn’t trust him as much, wouldn’t come round as often. Not even to allow him to explain.

He sighed, trying to explain himself to the demon behind the bar, “She just-”

She fucking hates me. Trust, she fucking hates me

The music kicked back in and finished his sentence for him as he lit up a cigarette and recalled the events of earlier that evening. They had been arguing. Again. He saw her pulling away further and had confronted her about it. Seeking solace, some kind of reassurance that she would stay. Instead, he was met with her blank expression as she waited for him to finish his usual accusatory speech.

Instantly, he felt her disinterest and interpreted it in his own mind. People didn’t love as deeply or as earnestly as he seemed to, or at least wouldn’t admit to it. Especially not her and so he decided that she must truly hate him. There was no other possible explanation.

She snapped. She was sick of having to stroke his ego every time she saw him. And she told him this. The conversation turned ugly. Eventually, he asked her to leave, to never come back and hoping that she would plead with him to let her stay. The way he knew that he would had it been the other way round. He just needed her to show some kind of emotion, give him some kind of reaction. Something, anything that would give him hope.

He could remember it now, as if it was… well around three hours ago. He could see it playing out on a loop in his mind’s eye. Just how much she appeared to loathe him and clearly herself just for being with him. It hurt, a deep and devastating ache that ate him from the inside out.

“Oh fuck off!” he had shouted, kicking the nearest piece of furniture to him and splintering it in his frustration. He scanned her face, it was unmoving and set.

“Happily,” She said, shrugging and storming away. The crypt began to shake at the force she slammed the door shut behind her. 

“Bloody women!” He shouted, kicking the cupboard again for good measure.

I tried too hard and she tore my feelings like I had none. And ripped them away

It gets worse. He couldn’t leave it, despite shouting at her to leave him to rest in peace. He followed her out as she weaved between the gravestones. Trying to get her to come back to the crypt. Hopefully apologise in bed, the best way he knew how. But she was over it. She had gone colder, her eyes would have betrayed her though if he could bare to look in them.

“I thought you wanted me to fuck-off-and leave-you-alone-for-the-rest-of eternity or else?”

“Look, just stop, would you? I was angry, ‘cause you’re, well, you’re you and I’m… me”

“I’m not in the mood for riddles, Spike” She warned, as he sighed. He would have to do this. And now. He adored her. Needed her more than he had ever needed anything in his un-life.

“I love you, pet, always have” He insisted, taking her hand in his. She watched him for a minute, as if to discern if it was some kind of joke.

“You don’t love me, you… you don’t even know how. I think you’re right, we should keep a distance from each other. I can’t do this anymore. It’s shit.” She stated clearly. No emotion in her voice and Spike interpreted it in the most disastrous way possible. She didn’t care about him.

“Love-” He grabbed her arm desperately. Trying to pull her into him but she shrugged him off, looking ahead of her rather than at him.

“Bye Spike” she said, steely tone made him choke back a sob. As all of the past rejections he had faced mingled with the freshest one, which had become the deepest and most painful.

She was queen for about an hour. After that, shit got sour

All the good memories swam to the surface after she walked away, drowning all of the bad. Just to make the loss sting even more.

All the lazy mornings/evenings that they spent in bed together. Kissing and talking when she had time. The times they spent patrolling, laughing and working together to slay the demons. He loved the way she looked when she laughed, it made her face look so much brighter.

There were times where he had convinced her to stay at the Bronze when he arrived. They had danced, bodies pressed together in a way that felt natural. As if they were a proper couple. It had been fun, she had relaxed around him. Pressing a kiss against his lips on the busy dancefloor even though people she knew might have been there. They even played a few drinking games, leaving together to go to the crypt later to continue the fun.

But the good times never lasted. Some of the worse memories came back to the surface. They were very different people in some ways, they found themselves arguing fiercely, over anything. Just because one was in a bad mood and had taken it out on the other. They struggled to find anything to agree on during a bad day.

The way she would leave as soon as they finished up in bed always left him feeling like shit. Sometimes without a second glance at him as she got dressed and hurried out of the crypt. The look of shame that clouded her face when they were together, the way she blamed him for how she felt. She felt gross inside, lying to people and sleeping with someone that had tried to kill her more than once. She took all the love and care he had offered her and left him, lonely, in his crypt without a shred of reciprocation.

She took all I ever had. No sign of guilt

Not feeling bad, no

“She- she just treats me as if I’m nothing, barely looks at me on a good day” He sighed continuing his explanation of the recent events to the demon behind the bar, “Sees me as a monster, I can see it you know… the kind from her personal nightmares”

“Why don’t you move on, pal, huh? She’s not worth it” He offered as he cleaned down the counter.

“You don’t understand, she’s the love of my un-life”

“But you’re obviously not hers” He shrugged and realised he wasn’t helping when Spike stood up as if to fight the bar tender, who quickly surrendered and turned away to look busy.

He sat back down and nursed his drink, shaking his head and downing the rest before demanding another. He thought about it, he swore she felt the same sometimes. It wasn’t often she left her guard down but it was there. She enjoyed the sex, he knew that much. But he had hoped there was a deeper reason why she kept coming back for more.

They had laughed together at the beginning, shared things. Nothing too deep but you pick things up about another when you spend as much time as they did. Enough to love someone. Enough to make them your every thought.

But the way she reacted when he professed his love was nothing that he could have ever expected. She barely even blinked. She had taken his heart in her hands and crushed it into a fine powder. The kind that could never be pieced back together. The kind that couldn’t be retrieved or replicated by anyone else. He had a hole where his heart should be. His heart now lost somewhere with his soul, in the ether.

In a trap, trip I can't grip. Never thought I'd be the one who'd slip

By the time he left the bar in the early hours of the morning, he had convinced himself he didn’t care about her. Didn’t need her. She was cruel and cold and… the only person that had ever owned his heart in this way. The one person that made him feel alive again. Made him quiver with want. 

God, he couldn’t get over this in a night. He didn’t think he would ever get over it. He had fallen for her deep and he wished he hadn’t. He always did this, became love’s bitch. The fool that fell so deep without thought or reason. But never had he fallen as deep as this. He ached for her. Longed for her, in both sleep and wake.

It was meant to be a bit of fun. Shagging and sneaking around. Until, of course the inevitable happened. He should have known this would happen. Especially when he had suddenly been inspired to write poetry for the first time in several decades. But he had been oblivious, these feelings growing fast and strong.

He now felt as though he was caught up in a maze with no end in sight. A predicament he wasn’t always sure he wanted to escape. Stuck, loving her for eternity when she probably hadn’t thought twice about him since she walked away. Yet, he was all in. Even now, after everything. The constant arguments. Her lack of emotion. Her coldness.

Then I started to realize. I was livin' one big lie

As he staggered through the dark streets, he knew deep within that if she even gave him a moment of attention again, changed her mind and offered to come back to his crypt even now that he would say yes. He wouldn’t even stop to think.

Through the entire night, as he tried to convince himself and the bartender that he was over her, he was thinking about how he would give anything to be in bed with her again. To slog through the pain, the disgust or worse, that blank expressionless look that may flash across her face just for that sweet moment they may share briefly.

He knew she was annoyed. Mad. Tired of the constant arguments. The sneaking around. The lying she was doing to her friends. And she blamed him. For being this monster, just as he blamed himself. She made him wish his un-life away.

But the truth was, he would go through all of that again, just to be close to her. He would allow her to set him on fire. Stake him through the heart. He would bathe with her in holy water, just for a single moment by her side.

Trust, she fucking hates me…

[buckyownsmylife]

Follow you - Chris Evans smut

The one where Chris becomes your roomate and finds out he has a domesticity kink... and more

Warnings: Smut, breeding kink, domesticity kink, friends to lovers, rommates au, pandemic mention, hair-pulling kink, daddy kink, cockwarming, kind of allusion to an age gap, but can be read as reader being into teasing chris

Word count: 4.1k

A/N: Thanks to @mollygetssherlockcoffee​ for reading this over and helping me make it better! You’re the sweetest person ever!  this is for my own birthday celebration challenge! Like I explained here, I’m going to try to fill every single AU I listed with the characters I picked for the challenge, and since the deadline if May 27, these fics will be posted randomly, as I finish them. Hope you guys like it!

Chris’ P.O.V.

“C’mon, sweetheart,” I’d been trying to convince her to close her laptop for the last two hours, unfortunately without any luck. She just glanced at me before returning to her document, and I groaned as I left the living room in search of what I knew we needed.

“Close the laptop and I’ll give you a sip.” This time when she looked up, she found me holding a bottle of my most expensive whiskey, the one she’d been dying to try ever since she first got invited to my place.

It was a tense moment of evaluation while she took in my offer and her workload, her head turning from her computer to me and then back to the device again, and I found himself growing anxious because of how desperately I wanted her company that night.

“Please?” I tried to convince her, even going so far as to pout - which at least earned me a giggle. I considered it a win, especially with the way it made my chest warm up. “C’mon, we deserve it! After the week we had?”

She frowned when she thought back on the stresses we had confided in each other for the last couple of days, and I watched with glee when she slowly closed her laptop, prompting me to wave my arms around in victory. “We?” She teased, getting up to stand before me with her arms crossed in front of her body, making me laugh.

“Alright, so maybe just you.” I couldn’t really deny that my work “problems” paled in comparison to hers. “Listen, I’m only trying to help.” She narrowed her eyes at me, reaching out for the bottle and unscrewing it before taking the sip I’d promised.

“Shit, this really is good.” A smug smile took over my face as I wrapped my arms around her, walking us back to the couch before making us fall over it.

“Only the best for you, babe.” I watched her roll her eyes at the pet name, snickering at how it affected her. I knew it made her giddy and she hated it, it’s why I insisted on doing it - or so I told myself.

Something deep inside of me whispered differently, though. I tried to ignore it. She was my best friend and we were going to be living together for the foreseeable future. No one knew when this pandemic would let up.

And lord knows that nothing positive had ever come out of my investments in romantic relationships. So every rational thought in my mind was begging me not to overcomplicate this. I couldn’t stand to lose her friendship, anyway. That’s why I had invited her to spend lockdown with me - my need to know she was okay, and be able to have her around whenever I needed to vent.

She was the only one outside my family who got my anxiety well enough to help me work through it when I was feeling bad, and she had even been able to prevent me from having panic attacks more than once.

I just couldn’t imagine going through this with anyone other than her. I simply hadn’t anticipated how fucking horny this period of forced sexual privation would make me, and I never expected her to become a willing victim to my needs.

But boy, once the liquor hit and she ended up over my lap, shivering as she rode my thigh without a care in the world, was I glad that she did.

“Is this what you like?” I asked, looking up at her with my mouth hanging open, unbelieving of how fucking sexy she looked as she used my body for her pleasure. I didn’t even care that my cock was straining against my jeans, begging me to move her on top of it. As long as I could keep enjoying the show, being a part of it, I was satisfied.

“I wanna learn it,” I pressed, moving my hands to hold her ass, squeezing it the way I’d always wanted to do but never allowed myself to dream about. “I wanna learn how to please you.” She made me feel something I hadn’t felt before, in any of my past relationships. There was attraction, of course, but there was also this deep, familiar feeling that made me feel at home. It made me feel safe, and with the help of alcohol, I was desperate to explore it.

“Ugh,” she groaned, letting her head fall back, drawing my attention to her breasts, the way they bounced in front of my eyes, unfortunately still covered. My mouth watered at the sight of it, wanting nothing much than to strip her bare and wrap my lips around one of her nipples.

“Don’t say stuff like that, Evans.” The comment threw me off, making me frown as I took a hold of the hair on the back of her head and yanked her to me, devouring her lips. They were soft - so much softer than I’d ever allowed myself to imagine.

“Why not?” I panted against her mouth once I was forced to separate from her taste of whiskey to search for some oxygen. She kept moving, her eyes hazy and glossed over, and it sent a pang of lust straight down my body when I realized it wasn’t completely due to the drinks we shared. There was also desire in there.

“You want to learn?” She asked, hands bunching up my shirt as she used her hold to grind against me faster. “Then fuck me, Chris.” She molded her body to mine, engulfing my lips once more as I laid her down on the couch, excited to have her underneath me - excited to see her naked body, explore it, get to know every little thing that made her tick.

I knew it would be a moment I’d forever remember, regardless of the amount of bourbon in my blood. I just never expected it to become something I was so eager to relive over and over and over again.

It was supposed to be a one time thing. When I woke up in the morning, I was ready to go back to being roommates. We were good at that. She was a morning person, by the time I woke up every morning, she already had breakfast ready for me, and then we’d go out to the backyard to let Dodger out together.

We’d sit and talk and then I’d go for a run - she’d have done her yoga already, while I was still asleep - I’d answer some e-mails, she’d work on her laptop by my side and the silence was just as comfortable as all of our late night conversations.

She’d sneak out to the kitchen and come back with a few sandwiches for our lunch, and then the rest of the day would go by with us doing whatever mundane task we had in mind, together even if we were doing separate things, and I didn’t feel suffocated.

I didn’t even run out of things to say. By the time dinner rolled around and I followed her back to the kitchen, cleaning up the dishes while she fixed us dinner - I wasn’t allowed to cook in my own stove, mostly because she was terrified of my food but hid it under the excuse of that one time when I started a fire - then we’d eat together, watch a movie together, talk until we fell asleep - always together.

I was shocked. It’d never been this way in any of my previous relationships. In fact, I was certain it was the reason why they had never worked. I’d given up on any realistic expectation of settling down precisely because of this: I just never expected to find anyone with whom a day-to-day life wouldn’t eventually grow boring.

It’d been three months and I still loved to wake up to her coffee. We still fell asleep every night side by side, too tired to move into different beds because we had laughed our asses off after skyping Scott.

And now that sex came into play in our relationship? I just knew there was no way I’d ever go back to being nothing but friends - or living in a place where she wasn’t the first person I saw when I woke up.

It sucked that it took a pandemic and a night of alcohol to make me realize that, but damn, was I grateful that I decided to open a bottle of whiskey that evening.

I kept waiting for the catch, the moment it would all go to shit, but it never came. Our lives resumed to how they used to be, only now I had this ongoing inner battle to not just bend her over the nearest piece of furniture when we were busy, and the ability to do exactly that whenever there was nothing else to do.

And for a while it was bliss. There wasn’t a nagging voice inside my head questioning this arrangement because it was theoretically perfect. I had a best friend, a roommate and a fuck buddy, all wrapped into one single person that I adored.

Life couldn’t possibly get better - until I realized that I wanted more. Talks of lockdown being over started and she had plans of going back to her place, of course, but I couldn’t stand the thought of being away from her.

I wanted to see my family too, but I wanted to take her with me. Introduce her to my mom, see her get along with my sisters. Witness how she’d be with my nephews and nieces - I knew how much she loved kids. And that’s when it hit me.

I’d given my heart to her. Somewhere between the morning coffees and afternoon runs, the nights where I’d rant about all of my silly problems and she actually listened to them - really listened, never making me feel bad about what could only be described as rich people problems.

All the innocent little gestures, and the not so innocent ones - when I discovered she was exactly the nasty slut I’d always dreamed of, the way she would randomly drop to her knees and suck me off, even while I was on the phone. Most times she didn’t even let me repay the favor. She just genuinely liked to blow me.

She also liked to play with me randomly, like when we were watching a movie and she mindlessly reached for my crotch, rubbing me until I got hard. It almost always ended in sex, and I just loved it.

I loved it, and I loved her, and the idea of her ever sharing this idyllic lifestyle with anyone else made me irrationally jealous.

And that’s how I knew it. I didn’t want to mess it up. But how could I not fuck this up?

Xxx

“Chris…” Her sweet voice called out to me, reaching my ears while I was hiding in my office, trying to get my thoughts in order so I wouldn’t just randomly blurt out what I was feeling for my best friend to my best friend.

To her credit, she didn’t try to force me to keep her company - but that only made me fall even deeper for her, leaving me a complete and utter mess while she went about her day as if nothing was wrong in the world.

“Yes?” I looked up to see her by the threshold, clearly reticent about invading my privacy. It made me smile, thinking back on all of the times my exes hadn’t been as understanding, even after I let them clearly know what I was needing.

“I made cupcakes, do you want me to bring you one?” The thought of her in the kitchen, baking a sweet treat just for me had my cock twitching in my pants. Biting my lips, I pushed away from my desk to finally get up and stretch my legs, taking advantage of the monitor to hide my hard-on.

“No, I’ll come eat them downstairs with you.” She smiled before leaving, and I soon trailed after her, walking into the kitchen to find the most delicious-looking little treats, just waiting to be devoured.

Much like her, I supposed.

I was reaching for one of them, already licking my lips in anticipation when something caught my eye, prompting me to raise my gaze and look at her again, but really look at her this time.

She was wearing an apron.

There was nothing inherently sexual about the damn thing, but the way she looked with it, going about her business in my kitchen like she owned the place… It just felt right, seeing her there.

And suddenly I couldn’t hold back anymore.

“Y/N…” I started, leaving the cupcake back on the counter and brushing off the crumbs as I circled the kitchen island to go stand in front of her. She hummed before turning to meet me, smiling slightly to signal that she was listening to what I had to say.

But I didn’t know how to say it. So we just stood there, staring at each other until eventually her smile became a frown. “Chris, what’s going on?” I still couldn’t speak. Much to my absolute surprise though, she just sighed, wiping her hands on the apron while shaking her head, a knowing smile on her face.

“You’re stressed, aren’t you? You’ve been working so much, that’s why I thought the cupcakes would be a good idea,” she explained nodding towards the tray where her sweet treats laid. “They’re a reward and a break all wrapped in one delicious cake.”

The comment was like a punch to the stomach - or a scalding wave of desire rushing through my body, straight to my groin. The idea of her thinking about my needs and catering (quite literally) to them just did something to me, and I didn’t know how to explain it - I don’t think I understood it myself.

“But since they didn’t work…” she continued, blissfully unaware of the conundrum she had put me into. “I know something else that will definitely work.” And just like that, the woman dropped to her knees in front of me, reaching for my sweatpants before I could find a way to close the mouth that was hanging open.

“I guess I’ll grab a sweet treat for myself.” She looked so devious, small hand encircling my already pathetically engorged member, that all I could do was whisper an, “Oh, shit,” when she immediately wrapped her lips around it,  starting to suck me off without any preamble.

My fingers were white as I held onto the counter behind me to keep myself up. She looked so good, staring up at me with her lips wrapped around my dick, I felt like I was about to blow already.

Why did she have to be such a fucking tease?

“Oh, God,” I moaned when she managed to engulf the entirety of my member inside her throat, the choking noises getting to my head. My hand instinctively laced with her hair, first to hold her lips close to my navel, then to pry her completely off of my member.

“What’s wrong?” She questioned once she was able to speak, surprise written all over her features while I was still staring down at her slightly teary face and trying to find my voice.

“I-I have a problem.” There. I said it. I had finally made some progress in my goal to let her know what was going through my head. Only instead of curiosity, what I got was a confused expression from the woman still holding my dick, her eyes darting from my own to the member throbbing between her fingers.

“No, you don’t!” It would have been funny if I wasn’t so fucking frustrated. Yanking her by the hair, I complained, “Not that kind of problem!” pulling her to the living room so I could throw her on the couch, trying to ignore her moans of pleasure in the process.

I’d figured out pretty early on that she had a pretty serious hair-pulling kink, and if my plans of sitting down and having a level-headed conversation were ever in motion, they surely went out of the window the second she pulled my body down to cover hers and adjusted my cock so it would easily fill her.

“Son of a…” I groaned, letting my head fall down against her chest as the little vixen gleefully giggled underneath me, legs wrapped around my torso as she tried to thrust up and tempt me to move.

“Just wait a second,” I managed to reason, but she just shook her head.

“Fuck away your problem, Chris. Use me. I want you to.” Motherfucker. I really couldn’t catch a break with her. Just as she started to make me move again, my hand instinctively wrapped around her neck, lightly squeezing it just enough to get her to shut up.

“I wanna start a family with you,” I finally spilled, looking deep into her eyes as I tried to ignore that I was still balls deep inside of her. Her eyes widened, and now her mouth was the one hanging open.

I couldn’t really relish in it because she looked absolutely delicious and she felt stupidly heavenly to my throbbing dick.

A few seconds went by without as much of a reaction from her and I was about to pull out - despite still being achingly hard - but her legs held me tighter, stopping my plans of leaving her tight haven.

“You know…” She started to speak, a little out of breath, catching my attention as I finally gathered the courage to look her in the eye again. “When I first met you, I thought you were the epitome of a fuckboy.”

The unexpected sentence had me snorting, and then I just couldn’t stop laughing. Finally pulling away from her, she fixed her hair when she sat up and I did the same, shaking my head slightly as I rubbed my eyes.

Our own relative nakedness - well… mine, she was wearing her usual dress with no underwear under the damn apron - didn’t affect anything when I pondered over her words, until I decided to break the silence.

“I mean… I think I was?” She chewed on her bottom lip as she took in my response, analyzing it, weighing its validity in that gorgeous head of hers. I was nervous, but she hadn’t blew me off yet. And quite honestly? I’d do anything for that little hope that was growing inside of me.

“What changed?” Was her question, so unexpected I couldn’t help but question, “Huh?”

“What made you change?” It wasn’t an unwelcome inquiry, especially when the response became clear to me, lighting up my brain and warming my chest, spreading all over my body until I had no choice but to voice it.

“I realized I could have a future with you.” My smile was vulnerable but honest, and in her eyes, I could see that she knew that. When she threw one leg over my lap, straddling my hips, I allowed myself to breathe deeply again, leaning on the soft cushion while taking a hold of her ass.

“So, how are we gonna do this?” She non-nonchalantly asked, slowly rubbing herself against my still half-hard member. I groaned when I realized the implication of her words, knowing that the meaning paired with the feeling of her wet lips dragging along my cock would get it back up in no time at all. “You wanna do me right now?”

The brashness of the question made my eyes light up, as weird as it may sound. In that moment, it became clear just how perfect for me she really was, giving me what I needed exactly in the way I didn’t know how to ask for it.

“See? This is why I’m in love with you.” She rolled her eyes at that, making me laugh. I’d anticipated the gesture, I knew it’d take her longer to say it, but it was alright. The fact that she was willing me to give me a child was more than enough proof of her feelings for me, if her entire behavior ever since she moved in wasn’t already.

“Shut up and fuck me, Evans.” Throwing her back against the couch, she yelped in surprise when I took off my shirt and slapped the inside of her thigh, assuming my usual position of hovering over her smaller frame.

“Spread your fucking legs, darling. I’m gonna fuck you real good.” The way she bit her lip as I slowly penetrated her again showed me just how excited the prospect got her, and as I started to make good on my promise, her moans told me just as much.

“Holy fuck,” she commented as I pounded her ruthlessly, weeks of frustration and the rush of anticipation getting the best of me, and I was glad for the feeling of her nails biting into my skin because otherwise, I’d probably run over the edge of not even caring about her own pleasure as I chased mine.

“You gonna cum inside of me, honey? Make me a mom? Finally fulfill your dream of becoming a daddy?” Her words detracted me from my task of sucking bruises on the skin that was now mine to bruise, mine. I threw my head back, yelling a, “fuck yes,” as my hips sped up, desperate to fill her up, but I was determined to get her to cum before me.

“Say it,” she ordered, small hand circling my throat as best as she could, a throwback to what I’d done only moments prior. It wasn’t enough to choke me, but it did catch my attention. “I wanna hear you say it.”

Tears escaped the corners of my eyes as I blinked, the intensity of the moment overwhelming in the best of ways. “God, you are such a fucking tease…” She chuckled underneath me, giving my throat a squeeze before she raised up on her elbows to kiss my jaw.

“Better get used to it… daddy.” And just like that, I realized that I had yet another kink I hadn’t known about before her. Or maybe it was just her, and I was obsessed with the damn woman, painfully turned on by every little thing that she did.

“I’m gonna cum deep inside your little pussy, sweetheart,” I finally gathered myself enough to do as she asked me to. “You’re gonna belong to me forever now. Give me kids, make me happy. How do you like that?”

The mischievous grin she gave me told me everything. “I love it.” I knew this was her way of saying what she couldn’t yet voice, and I’d take it. I’d take anything she gave me, any chance I got to love this wonderful woman.

We came together, both riding our highs in deep ecstasy. I moaned when I felt myself empty all of my seed inside of her, incredibly excited about the prospect of starting our future together right then.

“You’re so fucking beautiful.” I cradled her face in my hands as I struggled to catch my breath, but she turned it to the side and pressed a kiss to my palm and I was breathless all over again. It was such a simple action, why did it get to me so much?

“You’re not too bad yourself, Chris.” I didn’t want to part with her warmth, so I just adjusted us on the sofa in a way that kept me inside of her, sighing contently as I realized I’d never have to sleep away from her again.

“I’m gonna stay right here all night.” I adjusted myself so I was resting my face on her boobs, perfectly happy to do just so, but by the tone of her voice, I knew she had a teasing smile when she called me an, “Old man.”

“And here I was, thinking you’d be able to go again.” Warmth filled my chest at the realization of just how badly she wanted me - just as much as I wanted her too. I was so damn ecstatic. Not even her pokes at my age would be able to affect me.

“Oh, darling… better get ready,” I warned as I adjusted myself to hover over her again, taking notice of the excited glint in her eyes, the way she bit her lip as she stared back at me. “I’m never gonna get enough of you.”

The next morning, I added a new kink to the list of random bits of information that were driving me slowly insane as I felt the overwhelming need to bend the woman that I now got to call ‘mine’ over the nearest piece of furniture and rail her until I had cummed deep inside her pussy: seeing her in my shirt while cooking breakfast.

Yeah, I was going to live a happy life by her side.

[natsbaby]

Life Before You

Pairing: Natasha Romanoff x Reader

Summary: it’s one of your dates with Nat and she asked you about your childhood not realizing how similar you both actually are

Warning: angst, rather sad childhood, loneliness, emotionally absent family

A/N: just a short little vent fic cuz <//3 I will still post my Scarlett x Reader fic this week, so enjoy this little “treat”? HAHAHA hopefully you’ll enjoy this really short one, I’ll make it up to you guys in the next one! <33

“I’m sorry about the mess, I didn’t anticipate any visitors anytime soon” you shyly chuckle as you let Nat into your little apartment. “Make yourself at home, wine? water? juice even?”

You met Nat during a press conference for the Avengers’ image that was organized by Pepper. Luckily, your boss asked you to come in just to watch really as a reward for your current progress at work. He knew, after all, that you were a big fan so the stars aligned for the both of you.

After officially meeting at the green room and talking for a bit, Nat decided to ask you out to which you couldn’t help but say yes to. As a result, you both have been on a few dates lately, testing the waters of a possible relationship between you two. So far, a relationship would be within the horizon based on how smitten the two of you are to the other so it’s just the matter of time wether or not the ball drops for the better or for the worst.

Nat chuckles at your flustered state as she takes the chance to look around for a bit. “Wine would be great, and thanks for letting me stay for a bit. Didn’t want the date to end just yet”

“Ah yea no I feel you” you say from the kitchen as you grab a bottle of your favorite red wine and two wine glasses. “I’ve really enjoyed our dates Nat, truly”

“I’m glad you feel the same way” she quickly takes the wine bottle from you, pouring the wine into the glasses while you hold them out. After putting the bottle down, you hand her one of the glasses and sit down on the couch with her, facing each other on your sides. “To us”

“To us” you smile at the toast, clicking your glass against hers before taking a sip of your wine. The intimacy provided by the candles she lit up around your apartment giving a soft warm glow to your living room that could make anyone swoon.

After a few moments of comfortable silence between the both of you, Nat breaks it as she gently drapes her arm over your shoulders and pulling you closer to her making you giggle a little. “Can I ask you something?”

“Hmm sure if I could provide an answer” you say with a smile, taking a sip of your wine.

“I saw a photo of you and your family on your wall, can I know more about them?” You hum in thought at her question as you look behind the both of you at the mentioned picture frame.

“Oh that old thing” you mumble as you take another sip of your near emptying wine as Nat refills both of your drinks. “We’re nothing special honestly, just your average but small family”

“Are you busy? Can we play?” Your 7 year old self ask as you watch your siblings, who are hanging out in front of the television, continue to play their video games.

“As you can tell in the photo, I have two older siblings.. they’re both 10 and 15 years older than me” you reminisce as you gently swirl your wine. “They’re nice people, albeit have that older sibling bullying and all, but overall treated me good. Sadly, it didn’t really translate so well before I became 18”

“We’re playing a game right now, but you can watch on the couch if you want” the eldest says without looking away from the TV, laughing out loud as they win the round while the middle child shoves the eldest with a scowl on their face.

“You definitely cheated!” The youngest exclaims as they both start to rough house, laughing and having the time of their lives while you sit on the couch behind them with your stuffed bear in your arms. Not realizing the deep-seated feeling of loneliness starting to grow inside of you.

“They had each other growing up so they didn’t know how to fit me in their already established dynamic so I had to play by myself a lot” you explain as you finish the last bit of your wine, placing the glass down as Nat places hers as well. “Didn’t help that I was a lot more introverted as a child, so making friends as a whole wasn’t really my strong suit so in school and at home I didn’t have any playmates”

“Not even your parents?” She asks as she pulls you closer so you could cuddle with her on the couch.

“They try, but they were out of touch with playing with a child since its been a while since its been years then since they had my siblings” you smile softly as you start to tell another story.

“Daddy?” You ask softly as you gently open your father’s office door, peaking your head thru to see your father working on his computer. “Are you busy?”

“Y/N/N?” He asks as he looks over at you, swiveling his chair to the side so he could watch you come in with your stuffed bear in your arms. “What’s my little girl doing here?”

You open your arm for your father to place you on his lap. “I’m bored”

“You are?” He chuckles as he swivels his chair back so you could see what he was working on. “I’m a little busy but you can stay here while I work, is that fine?”

You hum in approval as your father goes back to work while you watch him with your little arms on his table and your chin resting on it.

“They never truly played with me, had to play by myself a lot since my siblings were in school by then and my father would work a lot so I only see everyone together on the weekends” Nat hums in thought as she gently traces shapes on your back as you place your head on her shoulder.

“Were you lonely?” She asks even though she has an idea what your answer would be.

“I guess you could say so yes, but it was something I was used to so I didn’t really process it as such till later on in life” you chuckle softly, pulling back slightly so you could look at Nat with a smile. “It was definitely hard, but they’re kind people, just emotionally detached so the concept of family love was kinda weird, maybe till now”

“Yea I get that” Nat mumbles softly as she remembers her own widow family. “But now? How are they?”

“The eldest has a family now, their poor daughter is being spoiled by me and the second eldest’s engaged with their fiancee so I think they’ll do well..” you trail off before quickly adding “hopefully” at the end of it making Nat chuckle.

“You know.. As cheesy as this sounds, but I don’t feel as lonely anymore” you state as you pull back from Nat’s arms completely so you could look at her properly.

“Really? How so?” Nat asks before realizing what just came out of her mouth, but a smile slowly grows on her face. The butterfly in her stomach flutters as you flash her a genuine smile on your face while you utter the next few words.

“Life before you has been gray, dark even, but I started to look forward to seeing you every week and I don’t feel as alone anymore.. so thank you Nat, for being you”

[outercrasis]

Sessions

Pairing: College!Din Djarin x F!Reader

Rating: Mature (18+)

Word Count: 3.2k

Warnings: References to sex, masturbation (nothing actually occurs)

Summary: After meeting Mando, you just can’t seem to get him out of your head. (events directly follow Introductions)

A/N: Thanks for the kind reception to the first post of this AU! I’ll be making a masterlist soon for easier navigation :) Let me know if you’d like to be tagged in future posts or if I’ve missed a warning.

Series Masterlist // Main Masterlist

Lingering Impressions

Your day ended up being an exhausting one. Mando had been your most exciting session for more reasons than just the obvious. You'd reviewed the papers of two freshmen, a junior who wanted you to basically write their paper for them, and another graduate student who disregarded every suggestion you made. Needless to say, Mando's gratitude felt extra special after all of that.

Getting home, you're greeted with the welcome smell of something delicious coming from the kitchen as you throw yourself face-first into the couch. The open floorplan of your tiny two bedroom apartment allows Layla to spot you as you wander in.

"Hello to you too!" she calls over. "I'm making chicken marsala."

You lift your head up from the watermelon-shaped throw pillow to smile at her. "You are a saint and I don't deserve you."

"You totally don't," Layla teases back, happily returning to the stove. You flip over on the couch, mindlessly scrolling through your phone while she finishes making dinner. A comfortable silence fills the room, interrupted only by Layla's hums and the discordant sounds of cooking.

Layla has been your roommate since your sophomore year of college, randomly paired together by the dorm sorting system and inseparable ever since. The two of you clicked, a friendship forged over the awkwardness of early adulthood and a shared love of terrible reality TV. Both of you keep busy schedules while pursuing your respective master’s degrees and help each other out where you can. Making dinners for each other is just a part of that.

It’s not long before Layla brings over two steaming plates of food to lay out on your thrifted coffee table. She sits opposite you, preferring to sit on the floor rather than the couch. You’re eager to dig in, groaning at the first bite.

“I’ll take that as a thank you,” Layla grins, tucking into her own meal.

“God yes.”

“Long day then?”

You groan again, this time in irritation rather than pleasure. “Yes. I don’t know how many more know-it-all grad students I can deal with.”

She’s heard all about your nightmare sessions with students that think they already know everything. You’ve questioned more than once why they bother booking the session if they're just going to ignore your advice and decide their paper is perfect as is. It seems like a total waste of time for both you and them. 

Layla sympathizes and shares her own gripes about some of the assholes she's forced to put up with while working on her research project. After all, no group project is complete without the one person who does nothing but acts like they know everything. Giving each other time to vent another small way the two of you take care of each other.

As you think back on your day and sessions your mind inevitably drifts to Mando. He hadn’t been anything like you’d expected. He was kind in his own way and by far the most amenable session you’d had all day. Not taking off the helmet was odd, as was not giving out his real name, but neither of those had really bothered you when it came down to it. If anything, they only serve to fascinate you further.

“Did something else happen today?” Layla asks, a spark lighting up in her eyes. She can always read you, something that can be either a blessing or a curse depending on what it is you're hiding. You take a few more bites before answering, already anticipating her reaction.

“Well I might have also met Mando today,” You try to throw it out there casually, hoping that if you treat it as though it’s not a big deal she’ll follow your lead. You should have known better.

“You what!? Tell me everything,” Layla screeches at you from across the coffee table. She pushes her food off to the side, clearly deciding that your unexpected meeting with campus's resident celebrity is far more important.

"He came in for a session. His paper was really good, it-"

Layla is quick to cut you off. "I literally couldn't care less about that and you know it. Tell me about him, what's he like? Is he terrifying?"

You can’t help but snort at that. You know why she asked of course - the rumors flying around about him getting out of hand these days - but when you think about him now they all seem ludicrous. The gentle way he spoke to Grogu and offered his hand out to the kid before leaving. The sincerity in his voice as he spoke to you, eager to hear any advice you had to give him. No. Mando was decidedly not terrifying. “He’s… just a guy,” you tell her, not really sure how to explain his unique presence.

The eyeroll you receive in response is warranted. “Are you kidding me right now? You probably know more about him than anyone else on campus and you’re going to tell me he’s just a guy?”

You shrug, shoveling another bite of food into your mouth. “I don’t know what to tell you Lays, I only spent an hour with him. He was nice, really sweet with his kid, and I’ll probably never see him again.”

You’re not sure why you feel a quick sting in your chest at that thought. It wasn’t like you knew him well or that he even owed you anything. Considering the fact that you’d gone weeks without so much as glimpsing him on campus you’d probably only have another chance to see him if he signed up for another session and there was no guarantee he’d return.

“So the kid thing is true?” Layla asks.

“Yeah. Really cute kid, pretty quiet.” Very quiet now that you think of it. You don’t have much experience with kids that young, but you’re certain kids Grogu’s age can talk. He hadn’t said so much as a word, only letting out an occasional noise or two. It was odd, but then he could just be shy or something. Another question you’d probably never have an answer for.

“Is the kid his?” Layla presses.

“I don’t know, it didn’t exactly come up while we discussed his paper on unique material applications,” you snap back at her. You wince a little at your sharp reply. It wasn’t deserved. Layla was simply curious and now the victim of your long day and swirling thoughts.

You quickly follow up with an apology. “Sorry. I just- I had a long day and I really didn’t learn much about him, okay?” 

There’s a small sense of relief when Layla nods, backing down from her inquisition. “It’s cool, I get it. Just promise you’ll tell me if you see him again?”

“Yeah, I’ll let you know.” 

The rest of the night passes like usual. You wash up after dinner, a fair trade since Layla cooked, and the two of you get to tackling homework that’s begun to pile up with the semester entering its full swing. Nighttime study sessions have been a regular occurrence since your undergrad days and have only intensified while pursuing your respective graduate degrees. It’s more about solidarity and accountability than shared workload, what with your program being in English and Layla’s in Marketing, but it’s nice. Simply having company is better than doing it all by yourself.

Around 10:30 you call it, eyes bleary from staring at your laptop. Layla is deep into a PDF reading so you leave her to her work and shuffle off to the shared bathroom. While the water heats, you brush your teeth lazily, going through the motions of your nightly routine. You test the water with your hand before deciding it’s warm enough to step in.

Your thoughts drift aimlessly as you stand under the hot stream, unfocused until they land back on him. It’s like you can’t help yourself, the way your thoughts have been returning to him all night. You’ve puzzled about him before, but only in the abstract. A hypothetical more than a real person. Wondering if rumors are true isn't quite the same as wondering about the man himself. 

All throughout the night he kept popping up. One moment you would be considering the symbolic use of color in your assigned reading and the next you would be puzzling over Mando’s favorite color. Maybe orange, if his gloves were anything to go by. Layla's favorite song played and while she sang along you couldn't help wondering what kind of music he listens to. Rock probably, or was that too on the nose? As you sipped your drink you wondered what his drink of choice would be, alcoholic or not. Did he even drink alcohol at all? Something told you he wasn’t much for losing his inhibitions.

It's all the little things, all the little details that actually make up a person that no one bothers to speculate about that consume you now. Who cares about his favorite movie or favorite food when you can guess on whether or not he's been to jail?

As you wash the grime of the day from your body, your mind continues to drift further, settling onto the first thing that captured your attention earlier today. His hands. Those gorgeous sun soaked hands, how fluidly they moved across his keyboard. The firm hold of them when he shook your hand.

Eyes fluttering closed, you can't help imagining that it's his hands skating across your skin. You can almost feel the gentle roughness of them, the way he'd squeeze and hold you - tight, but not so hard that it hurts. Almost unconsciously, your hand begins to drift down your body, only to be interrupted by a pounding on the bathroom door. Your eyes snap open, confusion and embarrassment replacing your fantasy.

"Hurry up in there! I need to pee," Layla yells through the door.

You grumble in response, knowing she can't hear you, but quickly finish your shower. It's not quite as relaxing anymore, flustered by your wanton thoughts. 

Getting back into your room, you check your email before setting your alarms for tomorrow. There’s the usual spam from online stores reminding you of limited time deals, a reminder that rent is due next week (lovely), and a couple generic university emails. Your eyes fall to your new tutoring appointment emails and you flick through them mindlessly to clear them out, knowing they’ll all automatically appear on your calendar. 

Just as you’re about to close out of the app and get some well needed rest, a new email pops through. It’s another appointment alert scheduled for next week. You tap to open it and your heart flutters when you read the name on the form. Mando. No need to wonder about if you’d ever see him again now. You’d be seeing him Tuesday at 3 PM. Somehow you know he won’t miss his appointment.

×××××

Din is exhausted. Between Grogu, classes, and trying to find ways to make money, he barely has enough time to do basic functional adult things. Things like showering regularly, eating more than a required minimum of once a day, or heaven help him sleep. 

He wishes he could afford a regular babysitter, allow himself some occasional reprieve but it's not possible. He makes just enough to keep the bills paid and at least Grogu's stomach full. There's also an ever present paranoia about letting a stranger into his home, much less to watch his son. Only Paz and Cara have ever babysat for him and even that was mostly against his will.

Din slumps onto his couch, exhausted from the long day. He’d found the couch on the side of the road. It’s well worn and has a couple holes in it, but it was devoid of fleas, comfortable, and most importantly, free. His helmet is off, sitting on the kitchen table where he’d left it after getting home from campus. He’s mostly used to it these days, but sometimes it can still feel suffocating underneath the custom bucket. Taking it off at the end of the day is always welcome, especially when Din sees Grogu’s eyes light up at his exposed face.

He allows himself just a moment of rest, closing his eyes and leaning his head against the back of the couch. Grogu had finally gone to bed, demanding three stories before he fell asleep and Din not having it within him to deny the requests. A small smile rests on his lips, thinking of Grogu's excitement at his mediocre storytelling. He already loathes the day when Grogu won't ask him to read anymore.

There are about twenty other things he should be doing right now other than sitting on the couch. The apartment hasn't been cleaned properly in weeks, dishes are piling up, laundry needs to be done, he needs to find a job for this weekend, should probably find better daycare for Grogu, has an exam to study for, and a paper to finish writing. He should be doing all of that and more, and yet he can't find the will to move. He stays planted firmly on the couch, letting his thoughts drift. A few different ideas and ruminations swirl around, but his mind settles onto one. Her.

She isn't what he had been expecting. When his professor had recommended a session with a writing tutor he'd been a little miffed at first. Din knew words weren't his strong suit, but he hadn't thought he was that bad. He probably wouldn't have even considered it if she hadn't immediately assured him that it was only a suggestion because she saw potential in his work.

He had still only been considering it, form half filled out, when Grogu had hit submit. He’d looked for a way to cancel the appointment, but couldn’t figure it out with the school’s poorly designed website, so instead he had resigned himself to going. After all, just the one session couldn't hurt and he'd already be on campus.

He thought the tutor would be some irritating know-it-all, pointing out all the mistakes in his paper. Either that, or that they'd be too nervous to make any real criticisms. He’d noticed the way people froze up around him, sometimes too timid to even look in his direction. She wasn't either of those things.

She was all smiles and kindness, not hesitant around him for a moment. Even Grogu took an immediate liking to her, as evidenced by the gift of his frog drawing. Din had more of those than he could count, but very few others had been bestowed the honor of his sacred amphibian themed artworks.

She challenged him in a way he liked, not rude but still forceful. Encouraging him to figure out what it was she was guiding him towards with the paper. Not taking ownership, simply identifying where ideas could be made stronger or clearer. They’d only worked through a few pages in the session and Din already felt more confident in his writing. 

What he liked most though was that she hadn't even asked about the helmet. It was all he heard from those brave enough to speak to him. Where did he get it, why did he wear it, did he ever take it off, what does he look like underneath, and so on. Avoiding all of those questions got to be draining. She didn't even acknowledge it.

She had mentioned the rumors that were apparently swirling around campus about him but that was it. He was a bit grateful for that though, entirely unaware of how popular he'd apparently become. The stares that followed him on campus were hard to ignore, but he didn’t know about their accompanying whispers. He still isn’t sure if the rumors are a good or a bad thing. Her reaction hadn’t given him all that much to go off of. He wishes it had.

That thought stops Din short. Where did that come from? Why did her opinion of him suddenly matter after a single one hour session? Din can’t remember the last time he considered someone else’s opinion of him. Probably when he first brought Grogu home to meet everyone. Now here he is, wondering what his English tutor’s thoughts were about the rumors everyone has been spreading about him. He needs to get out more.

Din shakes his head free, trying to ponder other aspects of his life. Like when he’d be able to get the Razor Crest up and running again. She’d broken down again after only the second week of classes. Paz makes fun of him for riding on such an old bike, but she’s a classic. Din can’t get rid of her, no matter how much she likes to break down on him. In the meantime he could make due with the loaner truck from Peli.

Thoughts of his motorcycle only distract him for so long though. He realizes half-way through the fantasy that he’s imagining taking her out on his bike, feeling her hands clasped around his waist as he rides through the city. The way she’d hang on just a little tighter, pressing herself against his back, as he hits the throttle just a bit harder.

Din sits up on the couch and mutters to himself. “Come on, Djarin. Pull it together.”

She’s beautiful, yes, but to already be fantasizing about taking her for a ride? That’s a bit much. It has been months since Din has seen any kind of action, but he shouldn’t be this desperate after spending only an hour with a pretty face. Still, now that he’s thinking of it, his mind wanders to what she’d be like. 

Would she take charge, calm and in control like she was earlier today? Or would she submit to him, allow him to do whatever he wanted? A small groan escapes Din’s lips at the thought of having her beneath him, begging for him to take her. How she would look spread out on his bedsheets, how sweet she’d taste. He can already imagine how good she’d feel wrapped around him, the way her eyes would look all strung out and cockdumb. It would be a beautiful sight if he’s ever lucky enough to see it.

An alarm Din forgot he set suddenly blares on his phone. He can’t even remember what he set it for as he’s yanked from his lewd imaginings, scrambling to turn it off. There’s a small wave of embarrassment as he registers where he allowed his thoughts to drift. 

Ignoring the uncomfortable pressure in his jeans, Din pulls up the tutoring appointment form on his phone and signs up for another session. There’s an option to select a specific tutor and he’s quick to open it up, choosing her name from the drop down menu. 

There’s nothing wrong about this, right? She’d helped him with his paper and Grogu liked her. She even asked if she’d be seeing him again. That was plenty of reason to have another session. His renegade fantasies had nothing to do with his decision to go back. Din is a man in control of his urges. If anything, this next session would prove that his thoughts were all just fleeting, just a simple result of going too long without anyone in his bed.

.

.

.

taglist: @honestly-shite​ @booksarekindaneat​ @wonderless-screwup​ @pinkninja200​ @captain-jebi​ @ajeff855​ @leias-rebelion​ 

Reblogs and comments are highly appreciated 💕

[aresrl]

Emergency Request? If you don't accept any ignore it, please! Don't force yourself to write it, only for my comfort :)

As for the initial ask — headcanons for reader, who's hard work never gets acknowledged, as she's always in the shadows of someone who has the talent for it? For example, the wielding of a bow? She had spend years in working hard to get to the number 1 rank, yet never able to reach it, not because her abilities are not enough, quite the opposite — they're the highest in the region, just society prioritizes natural talent over hard work. Short scenario/headcanon where she finally cracks under the feeling of never beeing enough and always beeing the second choice to EVERYONE. Such as her family, former friends and current acquaintances.

Please include Diluc and if you accept more than one, Venti and Xiao. If its too much, only Diluc :)

Vent in the next paragraph!!!

I'm in a situation familiar to the request. My whole life I never was anyone's number one, but always the second. And people "taking" this spot, always had a natural talent that I didn't, but instead worked years for. Such as synchronizedswimming — my coaches never saw my potential, my hard work and even though, loud the list, I'm the best in the whole team, there always come new girls that have the talent for it and the coaches give them their whole attention, forgetting me. And honestly, even I, a mentally VERY strong person, can't hold it inside themselves for 8 years under the "dramatic, positive swimmer." My old team, all left before and during the quarantine, as did my duett parter of 6 years and she didn't even say goodbye. Like damn, did our partnership really meant nothing to her? To put it simply, I'm just tired of keeping the strong facade facade want to be held someone, anyone, but there's no person I can go to...

That became depressing very quick, I'm sorry if this vent affected your mood and I'm so sorry for beeing selfish to post it publicly, as its really only my problem, but... I don't know. I don't have an excuse.

Have a nice day lovely and know that you're loved :) <3

(Again, ignore if you aren't comfortable with writing this!)

I apologize if it was long! I feel like I've been doing it too slowly. I don't know if this is the right thing to do, but for now, I'll only release this with Diluc as I'm afraid I would take too much time to write the others. It's the first time I'm writing in this genre and also the first time I'm receiving an emergency request, so it may be clumsy! Genre: Hurt with comfort Content: Feelings of not being enough, frustration, rejection. Characters: Diluc (Xiao and Venti won't come actually, sorry).

• It's been many years now since you joined the archery association. What motivates you to stay in is your love for this knightly art: you love the fact that it requires peace of body and mind and how it creates new companionship with people sharing this same hobby. • Your love for this made you spend your sweat, all your efforts for years. So much that you became the best of your team, and also, of your region. But not in everyone's eyes. It was the end of the session, you were heading to the room to store your bow. You had a group exercise today, and you were satisfied with what you've done. However, you heard the coach talk to one of the girls that were part of your group: “It's pleasant to work with you because you already got it in you, you know? I feel like our sessions together are easier and run more smoothly.” Does it mean that it's not with me? Because I don't have it in me? Have I been forgotten again...? Once again, you plunged back into these thoughts. The coach knows I'm the best in the ranks. I'm always happy in front of them, and yet, it doesn't satisfy them. Would I be not enough...? You decided to stop thinking about it. You didn't want to feel that again, so in the hope of relaxing and distract yourself, you chose to go home by taking a longer path. Unfortunately, walking was leaving you too alone with your thoughts. I wasn't the one talking with the coach. So it's normal if they give them more attention! But even when I'm here, they're not even glancing at me when complimenting us. I'm tired of lying every time something like this happens. But I know I'm not worth anything! But still-- It seems not enough for people to see that- I'm here... You felt tears coming, so you stopped walking and decided to sit on the ground. It's so frustrating. Tears fall. I can't even complain. Nobody would hear me. But Diluc was near. He was on his way home from Mondstadt. He saw your sitting silhouette while walking and when he recognized you, he headed in your direction. But once he was close enough to hear what sounded like cries, he walked faster, almost ran to reach you. He reached your shoulder from behind with his left hand. He didn't want to hug you yet to not rush things. He kept his hand on you while turning to face you. Your head was facing the ground while you were crying. “D-Diluc...?” you said as you were lifting your head up to check who it was. “You can talk to me if you need to. I'm here for you now.” Is he truly here for me? I don't know. Your confusion frustrated you even more now, leading you to cry louder. Diluc didn't want to stay there with only his hand to comfort you. He hugged you. His right hand was in your hair, and the other caressed your back. His hug is tight. He wants to help you, to stop your cries, to put an end to your current pain. He won't force you to talk if you don't want to, so he remains silent. “People- They won't make me stop thinking I'm not enough. But I work so hard! I know it...” you said, crying in his chest. “They can't see how much effort I put into what I love. I'm not jealous, but- people with natural skills are more praised than people-” Your voice lowered. “Than me...” A little silence passed before Diluc answered. “To be honest, I haven't seen that coming. I assume you've been enduring this for some time.” He paused, his head slackening a bit. “This world is unfair. Things will never go as you wish. People won't always recognize your work as they should. But you're strong. You can already recognize your own, and this should be enough.” He sighs. “I love you, Y/n. When you feel like this, you can think about me. I can assure you that, to me, you are perfect. You don't need to be more.”

[barbarianprncess]

“Forget it, you’re a fucking asshole.” and “Nobody’s seen you in days.” that would be inchresting 👀👀

for mari my beloved, 

(aka @chironshorseass ) 

as you know this sort of got away from me. one second i was writing a drabble of angst, the next I'm on the 16th page with no end in sight. so this maybe isn’t what you were expecting but have 5k of post-botl/pre-tlo pining idiot besties who are in love :). 

(also this hasn’t been beta’d and i'm welcome to volunteers i just finished and got so excited i had to post.)

(dear one anon who asked for 'forget it you're a fucking asshole' too, if you're reading this, don't worry yours is coming too i promise)

(final s/o to @posallys for letting me scream about them)

24 hours

read on ao3

enjoy <3

                                                      ...

Percy is fucking exhasted.

He was supposed to be back at camp four days ago. The deal was he’d spend weekdays at camp to plan and train and weekends at home to relax. But, he kept putting it off, opting to keep the weight on his chest that’d been pushing him down since last summer bearable, and not crushing the way it always was at camp. So, when he gets through the barrier, aside from nodding hello to Beckendorph and Silena, he makes a beeline to his cabin. He manages to keep his eyes down until he’s standing at his porch steps- and that when he sees her.

Annabeth is pacing on his balcony. She’s wearing jean shorts and her camp shirt, but instead of her typical ponytail her hair is in two intricate braids that reach her breastbone. She’s muttering to herself and wringing her hands together and for a moment Percy forgets. He forgets the past year and all the arguing and the bitterness and he sees Annabeth is worried about something and he reaches out as if to hold her. To wrap his arms around her and tell her that everything is going to be alright.  

But then he remembers.

He retracts his hands.

He clears his throat and Annabeth startles. Her grey eyes are as intense as ever and he can almost see her defences come up. He hates that it's because of him. Annabeth is the first to break the silence.

“Hey.” Her voice is small but clear. Not yet vulnerable, but gives Percy the sense that it could be soon.

“What’re you doing here?” He isn’t sure he said it out loud until she ducks her head and flushes.

“Nobody’s seen you in days.” It’s not the accusation he expects. It's also not an answer to his question. Just an observation.

“I’m here now.” He says it like it’s an invitation. He then becomes incredibly aware that he's still looking up at her from the bottom of the steps, so he grabs his duffel, bounds up the stairs, and opens his cabin door. He hesitates and meets her eye with another silent question. She answers by stepping inside.

He drops his bag by his bed and turns on the light. The air is charged with unasked questions and unfinished conversations. He can’t stand it. He’s about to attempt small talk when she says something that nearly knocks down where he stands.

“I miss you.” She’s wringing her hands again and she won’t look him in the eye, but takes his silence as confusion.

“That’s what I came here to say, that I miss you.”

Percy isn’t sure what to say. Percy isn’t sure this conversation is really happening, she’s broken so many of the fragile rules they’d been following all year. He’s 98% sure this is a really vivid daydream to cope with…. well everything.

He decides that on the off chance this is real he should play it safe so, he states the obvious.

“I’m here. We’re here, together. We’re together and-” She cuts him off and begins to ramble.

“Strained and awkward and it's like there’s this chasm between us of all these things from last summer. From our kiss, to you dying, and then you not dying, and Rachel, and Luke, and Luke being Not-Luke, and it’s like we can’t have a conversation anymore and that sucks ‘cause..”

She pauses for the first time to look up at him and her eyes are shining.

“You’re kinda my best friend. And I miss you. Everything sucks and I'm tired of fighting. And I really miss you.”

Percy’s too shocked to say anything. It occurs to him that he should respond but he can’t find the words. All the unspoken rules they had in place and Annabeth had just steamrolled right through them. Percy realizes his mistake in staying silent as Annabeth flushes and turns to leave.

“Forget it, you’re a fucking asshole.” And oh no Annabeth had just swallowed her pride (which he knows better than anyone is no easy feat) to say everything he’d wanted to hear and he can’t let her walk away.

“I miss you too.” The words tumble out of him, clunky and a little awkward but earnest. Annabeth stops and faces him, eyes suspicious in the way that breaks his heart a little bit.

“Really?”

“Yeah. Really.”

Annabeth exhales and shoots him a tremulous smile he hasn’t seen in forever, and oh he’d forgotten what it did to his chest when she did. Before he does something stupid like tell her he thinks her smile is the best this he’s ever seen, he clears his throat.

“So…. this chasm you said, what do you propose we do about it?”

“24 hours. For 24 hours everything that I listed before is a non-issue. After that we can go back to…..whatever it is we’re doing now. One day, where we’re just two friends spending a day at camp together..”

“Best friends.” He corrects without thinking. She rolls her eyes, and he almost giggles because he’d missed her eyerolls too.

She holds out her hand to shake, all business-like and gods he missed her.

“Best friends. 24 hours.”

He takes her hand. Her shake is firm, her palms are warm, her eyes are bright, and she is beautiful.

“Where do we start?”

...

Apparently it starts with homework.

After he asked where they’d begin, Annabeth had flashed him a wicked grin, damn-near dragged him off the porch, and made a beeline to the Big House. Before last summer, Annabeth had been “tutoring” him. Once a week they’d head down to the Big House and spend hours combing through myths and legends, practicing Ancient Greek, and all things Demigod 101. It probably wasn’t ever that useful considering Percy barely remembered any of it, but Annabeth had always insisted. After last summer they’d non-verbally decided to take a break from it (eachother), and they’d never started back up.

Usually he’d halfheartedly complain that it was pointless and say some form of ‘I know enough to not die and that's good enough for me’ every five minutes, but today he nods dutifully along as Annabeth talks animatedly about Orpheus, and Theseus, and all the other -eus’s. He’ll ask a dumb question that they both know he knows the answer to, but she answers him anyway. He watches the wisps of hair that refused to be tied down, and counts the tiny sunspots across her nose and the way she wrinkles her eyebrow when she forgets a name.

It’s not terrible. It’s kinda the opposite. He’d forgotten that she made studying not terrible.

He’s so screwed.

...

The stables are almost empty when they get there.

After 2 hours of studying, (one hour of studying, one hour of laughing and talking and calling it studying) Annabeth declared it was his turn to pick the activity. Tired of sitting still Percy lands on tending to the pegasi. It was one of his favorite things about camp plus he got to teach Annabeth something for once. Annabeth was comfortable enough around them but she never spent anytime with them that she didn’t have to.

When they entered the barn, Blackjack gave him a look and he blushed remembering all the times he’d come to the stables with Beckendorph to vent about how much he missed Annabeth, (He didn’t even know horses could give looks but here we are) and silently told him it was a long story and to be cool. Annabeth had stopped next to one of the cleaning stations and was looking at him expectantly. He cleared his throat and they got to work. He showed her how to brush them and how to get tangles out of their manes, where to scritch them and where not to scratch them. He showed her how to check their feathers and make sure their wings were healthy and how to get them to be still enough to check.

Annabeth was excellent with them, gentle hands and kind eyes. Whenever she approached one she would look them in the eye and talk to them like the intelligent creatures they were. Each time she got started taking care of a new steed she’d gently reach for the muzzle and say in a soothing voice:

“Hi, my name is Annabeth and I'm going to groom you today. Don’t worry, I'm friends with Percy, and he taught me exactly how to take care of you. If I’m doing something wrong, let him know and he’ll tell me how to fix it. I promise I’ll do my best to make sure you feel like a brand new pegasus.”

Frankly, it was fucking adorable.

Pork-pie had taken a special liking to Annabeth, telepathically asking Percy if she could groom him more often. When he told this to Annabeth she’d beamed and enthusiastically agreed to come down whenever she could. Percy had off-handedly suggested that they take them out for a bit and Annabeth immediately started to release Pork-Pie from his stall.

They flew over camp for what could’ve been minutes or hours. He was lucky that Blackjack could fly himself because Percy couldn’t take his eyes off his flying partner. Her braids held firm, but a few rebellious curls were now whipping with the wind. The atmosphere combined with the speed they were flying, made her cheeks red and splotchy. Her smile is brighter than the sun, and eyes- gods her eyes were going to be the death of him. The sun and her mood (he had this theory that her eyes changed color based on her emotions) had made them almost blue, they are full of laughter, and Percy adores her. And when she directs her sunshine-smile at him, Percy can’t help but smile back.

(He doesn’t stop smiling until they land.)

...

As they're putting their pegusi back in their stalls, Blackjack decides to give him some advice.

“I know I don’t understand all of your fragile human emotions, but I know enough. There’s a lot of bad in this world of ours, and from what you’ve told me about this war business it's only gonna get worse. You gotta make the most of the good.”  He tilts his head over to Annabeth who is cooing at a preening Pork-Pie.

“You and ladyboss, you’re good together. And really nothing else matters.”

He doesn’t have time to even think about a response when Annabeth is walking over from Pork-Pie’s stall, and telling him it's time for a picnic.

...

(“What did Blackjack say to you? You looked kinda flustered when I got you.” Percy almost drops the plate he’s piling with food from the buffet. He’s gotten three pointedly confused looks at the sight of him and Annabeth together and not strangling each other and a thumbs-up from Grover. He and Annabeth are getting their food and then they’ll go sit by the beach.

“Oh,” He clears his throat and goes with the first thing he thinks of. “Blackjack calls you ladyboss.” Good that's good, not technically a lie either.

“Huh. Weird.” Annabeth, seemingly satisfied with this, returns her attention to the grapes she is adding to her plate.)

...

“Where do you go?” Annabeth asks. She’s sitting next to him in the sand brushing crumbs off her fingers. They had been eating and watching the ocean in comfortable silence and Percy furrows his eyebrows in confusion. “Lots of days when you’re at camp for lunch and sometimes dinner you just disappear for hours. And I know you aren’t going home because your stuff is still in your cabin. Where do you go?”

It’s not an accusation, just a question. Percy gets the feeling she doesn’t want to know so she can disturb, she just worries. Percy knows her. He knows she’s always planning for the worst and she needs to be able to get to him if there's an emergency.

(It strikes him that she notices when he disappears and he feels guilty but also just a little hopeful. Because she misses him as much as he misses her.)

He stacks their plates and rests them on the blanket they’d been sharing. Percy stands up and holds out his hand, gesturing for Annabeth to do the same.

“C’mon, I’ll show you.”

...

He tells her to close her eyes. She gives him a skeptical look but obliges and holds out her hands, a silent request for him to guide her. It’s almost easier to take her hands in his without those trademark eyes on him. But it’s not any less intense. As soon as their fingers interlock sparks of electricity lick up his arm. Now that her eyes are closed he can look at her face up close without fear. Her curls had gotten more unruly as the day went on, and the ringlets that framed her face blew lightly in the ocean breeze. He leads her slowly towards the ocean, using his powers to dry any spot she walks on. He sees her brows furrow when she notices how far they’ve walked towards the ocean without their feet getting wet, but she doesn’t say anything. He parts the water for her to walk through, and when the water rises above their heads, he forms an air bubble that moves with them, keeping them dry. When they get to a good spot, squeezes her hand signaling for her to stop with him, but tells her to keep her eyes closed. Then he closes his eyes with her and calls out to the ocean's creatures, making himself a beacon.

Here I am, he thinks. The son of Poseidon.

Come to me.

Minutes pass.

“You can open your eyes now.” He whispers.

She does, and lets out a soft gasp, “Oh, Percy.”

He smiles and looks out at the scene before them. He’d come down here after a particularly bad day and just wanted to sit in silence. It was an accident, calling the creatures to him. Subconsciously, he must have sent a message along that he was feeling alone. And all sorts of sea creatures - from greek monsters and to great white sharks to your average cod had flocked to him. And he didn’t feel so alone. So now, whenever he couldn’t take the human world, he’d come down here and talk to the fish.

This time he’d actually concentrated on getting a message out and they did not disappoint. He couldn’t count all the animals that had heeded his call but it was a sight to behold. He had willed some glowing coral from the deeper ocean to stay in that spot, which created a multicolored tint to everything around them.

Normally they come right up close to him, but this time they were hesitant. And as he listened to the creatures and heard more than a few whispers of Athena and stranger, he’s suddenly reminded that she’s the only person he’s ever done this with. It’s his favorite place, and she is the only other person ever to see it.

“It's okay guys, she’s a friend.” He reassures them. When he looked back at Annabeth, her mouth was still hung open and she was staring out at the scene in front of them in wonder. He smiles at her dazed silence and uses the hand he’s still holding to tug her up to the barrier of the bubble. The first creature willing to accept Annabeth is a baby spotted dolphin. He swims towards the clumsily with eager fins and pokes at the barrier with it’s snout. Annabeth's eyes widen in fear and look up at him and it takes a second to realize she isn’t afraid of the animal, but of their bubble popping.

“Don’t worry, the bubble won’t break unless I break it myself, and it’ll last however long I want it to.” He reassures her. He senses her hesitation so he guides her hand up to meet the snout of the baby dolphin who seems fascinated with Annabeth herself. He reaches his snout and head bumps directly into the spot on the bubble where her palm is placed.

Annabeth lets out a laugh, the kind of laugh that sort of bubbles out of you without warning and it’s the best thing Percy’s ever heard. He watches as the shock fades for her features and she pets the infant creature through the sheen of bubble keeping them dry. The animals begin to warm up to Annabeth as well, and as soon as they figure out she’s not some evil Athena agent sent to destroy the ocean, they join in on the fun. Hundreds of ocean creatures of all sizes begin doing tricks, nuzzling up to the flexible barrier, all vying for Annabeth’s attention. Annabeth herself is happy to oblige. Ever consistent, she introduces herself to each creature she meets. She smiles and laughs and reaches out to all the animals she can. Percy is happy simply to watch her and keep the bubble up but then she turns to him, eyebrow drawn together in concern, pointing to a particularly awnry seahorse, and asks what it's saying.

“He says his name is Frank and that he’s ‘too pregnant for this shit.’”

Annabeth stares blankly.

“His words not mine.” Percy offers hands up in surrender.

Then she snorts and then they’re laughing, they’re laughing harder than they have in years, and it's that kind of hysterical laugh where everything around them makes it more funny, and soon Percy’s clutching his stomach and Annabeth is beet red.  As soon as it subsides enough to get words out Annabeth is shaking his arm saying “Do that one! What's he saying? Oh my gods what even is that? Does that one like me? That ones majestic, what's his name? Oh Percy, look!! Look at that one!”

So he translates and they laugh and he teaches her different species and Annabeth nods along like it’s very important stuff. She pets the baby dolphin through the bubble and listens intently to all the animals telling her stories, even though she can’t understand a word until Percy tells her what they said. And when it’s time to go he sees the tears in her eyes and tells Percy to promise the baby that she’ll visit all the time, even though they both know she can’t.

(Apparently the baby dolphins name is Arnold, and according to his mother, he was so enthralled by Annabeth because when he first saw her he thought she was an angel.)

(Percy thinks he’s not too far off.)

...

(“That was incredible Percy. Thank you so much for sharing that with me.” They had been walking in silence as they made their way back to camp using the bubble, enjoying the afterglow of their adventure.

“Yeah, of course.” She smiles at him and looks ahead.

He’s not sure why he does it but without looking at her he reaches out and ever so carefully, and brushes her fingertips with his.

Her breath hitches, but she doesn’t say anything.

Then suddenly, miraculously, her hand tilts and their fingers are interlocked.

And there's no pretense of guiding her somewhere, they’re just….holding hands.

And it's perfect.)

...

Percy thinks if he’s not in love with her, he’s pretty damn close.

Because this feeling, the one he gets in his chest when he looks at her, is what love feels like.  

...

When they resurface, they’re met with twinkling lights and the last three stragglers singing softly at the campfire. It’s almost time for lights out.

Oh.

Oh no.

Annabeth seems to be coming to the same realization, as she clears her throat and lets go of his hand. He misses her fingers immediately.

“So, I guess we should start heading to bed.” She looks at him, hopeful but he’s stuck. Stuck in the feeling of dread at the idea of waking up tomorrow and not having his best friend. Suddenly the idea of leaving her side is so unbearable he can’t speak.

“Goodnight, Percy.” She’s turning around and backing away when the words lodged in his throat come unstuck.

“8 in the morning.” She turns giving him a ‘what are you on about’ look.

“That when you came and got me at 8 in the morning. We agreed on 24 hours. It's only been 12.”

She smiles slow and wide, “You know you're right, that math checks out.”

“We had very clear terms. We even shook on it.”

“Yes we did.”, she nods gravely. “It’s a binding agreement, we can’t just ignore it.”

“So what do we do?”

She flashes a wicked grin. “You aren’t the only one with a secret spot.”

...

Percy arrives in the Big House 20 minutes after curfew was called, exactly as Annabeth had instructed. He felt her presence before she re-materialized in front of him and in a low conspiratorial whisper tells him to follow her.

They sneak down to the basement and Percy is confused when she keeps walking towards the corner. She lifts up a floorboard and starts climbing down a ladder. She beckons him to join her and when he makes it down the ladder, he can’t help the smile that breaks out. It’s a sort of underground attic, complete with a worn dusty couch, blankets and an old TV.

“I found it my first year at camp by accident. I was down doing chores and one of the broom strings got caught under it. I didn’t have many friends except for….” She lets him fill in the blank rather than say the name out loud. “And when he wanted to be with kids his own age, I’d come here. There's only five movies down here and I memorized them.” She looks down at her shoes. “I know it’s not the sea floor but..”

“Are you kidding? It’s awesome. What are the movies?”

They dig around and end up finding two more that apparently seven-year-old Annabeth did not think worth the time. They watch Die Hard first, (“Oh my Gods I can't believe you haven’t watched Die Hard. This is a travesty. It’s a classic Annabeth.”) then Pulp Fiction, ("I can’t believe it, all the shit you gave me for not seeing Die Hard, and you haven’t Pulp Fiction?? You absolute heathen!") and Clueless. ("What? It has to be full of violence and toxic masculinity to be good? It’s a good movie Percy, shut-up.") Before he knows it, it’s 3:54 am shaking with hysterical silent laugher at Annabeth's impression of Dionysus.

“Oh my gods oh-OH! Do you know what we’ve got to do?”

“Uh-oh, what?”

She grins impishly and a little deliriously. “We’ve gotta go to our spot.”

“Ah, of course. Yes, our spot, totally.” He says in a voice he hopes is neutral, in an effort to gage if she’s serious.  

“Oh my gods.” She gasps, offended.

“What.”  

“I can’t believe this.”

“You can’t believe what?”

“You forgot our spot.”

“I’m sorry Annabeth, until four seconds ago I wasn’t aware we had a spot.”

“Oh my gods. I can not believe this-” He can tell she’s messing with him, and not actually mad.

“Annabeth, just tell me where it is.”

“I simply can not believe this, you absolute heathen-”

“Stop calling me a heathen, and tell me where it is.”

She smiles, “I can show you.”

...

“Oh, of course! This is our spot!”

Annabeth chuckles, “I told you.” They’re standing at the edge of the forest at the tallest of the rock clusters to the far left. It's the one they used to go to after their first quest, the place where Annabeth taught him the constellations. The place where he made his first real friend. Not people he hung out with to avoid getting picked on. Not a searcher who happened to like the demigod he found.  His first real best-friend.

They climbed up easily and lay down looking straight up at the sky. Annabeth points up at the floating memorials, and Percy dutifully recites the legends of how they earned their place in the sky. They're shoulder to shoulder and their fingers graze each other for longer than necessary. And slowly they lull into comfortable silence, arms overlapping, at some point Annabeth's head lands on his shoulder. Percy freezes for a while, staying absolutely still as if she’s a wild creature who could bolt at any moment. But then he relaxes, and she relaxes and he’s pretty sure she’s asleep until she takes in a shaky breath and whispers, “Hey, Percy?”

“Yeah?”

“We’re gonna be okay right?” He can tell she's trying to mask the vulnerability in her voice. And he can’t see all of her face from the angle they’re laying, but her nose is on his collarbone, and her hair is tickling his chin.

He closes his eyes, and he thinks. He thinks about Luke and Rachel and how nothings been the same since Percy blew up that mountain.

He thinks about seeing her for the first time, grey eyes wide hair falling off her shoulders and how even after everything he just went through, he felt safe. He thinks about ‘you drool when you sleep’, and the way she looked at him when he was claimed- awestruck and pitiful at the same time. He thinks about rolled eyes, stamped feet, and frustration always just under the surface. He thinks about silent truces, and letting guards down, and shared oreos in the back of a mobile zoo. He thinks about sweaty palms gripping each other in the Underworld, and shaky hands giving him a good luck camp necklace. He thinks about camp fires, stupid jokes, learning about the stars, and how the just fit.

He thinks about postcards and iris-messages, and how she punched Matt Sloane square on the nose. He thinks about how despite the arguing and the confusion about Tyson, she was always there when she needed him. How she didn’t hesitate to sneak out of camp with one of the first species he ever learned to truly fear, because he asked her to. He thinks about her in a dress and how tongue-tied him in guinea pig form. He thinks about her broken sobs and how she clutched at him in their underwater bubble. He thinks about winning a chariot race, the softest of cheek kisses and how in this world of gods and monsters, she’s the only thing he was really sure about.

He thinks about how she was the first girl he ever danced with, and how light everything felt when she was around. He thinks about how it felt strangely familiar when she fell off that cliff, and how only days later realized that it was the same desperation he had when Hades took his mother. He thinks about how gutted it was when he found out she was thinking about joining the Hunters. He thinks about his visit from Aphrodite and how even though she changed form, her hair smelled like lemons the entire time. He thinks about when he saw her on that cliff it was like the sun came out. How he saw her face and it was smudged with dirt and cuts but she was alive and he could breathe again. He thinks about how his throat closed up when he thought Artemis was going to pick her for the Hunt. He remembers how when they danced on Olympus, for a song she was prettier than Aphrodite.

He thinks about planning a movie date, and how he discovered Annabeth doesn’t get any less pretty when she’s mad at him. How she sat right next to him at dinner and how when she fixed his armour, his neck burned wherever she touched him. He thinks about falling in a whole and holding her hand and how they’d done it before but it felt different that time. He thinks about ping pong table meetings and how he became aware of the fact that he’d follow her anywhere. He thinks about the determination in her when she faced the Sphinx, and how the same fire was in them right before she kissed him. He thinks about how she tasted like smoke and salt, and how for the 3.2 seconds that his lips were hers, the first thing he thought was ‘we fit like this too’. He thought he was going to die but it was okay. It was okay that he was going to die, because he had gotten to kiss her. He thinks about Calypso’s Island, and how he dreamt about her every night. How when he crashed his funeral, she held like she couldn’t bear to let go and how that was fine with him. He thinks about the blur that was the labyrinth, full of unshed tears, words that cut, and how despite all the scream fights and the terror, and the barely contained rage, none of it lessened the fierce protectiveness he feels for her. How despite it all, she's still the best thing that's ever fucking happened to him. He thinks about the last line of her prophecy, and how she thought it was about him.

He loves her.

He’s not sure if he’s in love with her because he’s 15 and he hasn’t exactly had time to date around but he knows that for a fact. Knowing Annabeth, loving Annabeth has made him who he is. She is burned into his DNA. Somehow the 12 year old with princess curls and eyes that cut, crawled under his skin. He knows he’s done the same to her, even though they’re both too stubborn to say it out loud. They could never really leave each other, even if they tried.

So Percy shifts so he can see her face in the pale moonlight, brushes a curl out of her face and says,

“Yeah. It’s us Annabeth. We’re gonna be alright.”

She smiles soft and real because she knows him, so she knows he means it. He’s not sure who reaches out this time, but they're holding hands and staring at the sky in a silence that speaks volumes.

They stay like that until it’s sunrise and they have to sneak into their respective cabins. Looking at stars, fighting sleep, and forgetting about the rest of the world.

______________

(They hold hands all the way back to her cabin.)

(He doesn’t stop smiling the whole way back to his own.)

______________

if your still here hi! thank you for reading. send in prompts from this list, or any sentence starter you want to read. ask box is open for those and if you just wanna say hi :)

[safertokiss]

Lost in Translation

A/N: Heyyyyy guys...remember when I used to post like every two weeks? Yeesh that’s awkward...but I’m backkkkk woooooooo party time! I was so excited that my discord buddies organized another fic swap because it was so much fun the first time. This time around I was chosen to write a doozy for the wonderful @writing-in-april and I have decided to bless you all with a beautiful subby boy. Sub Spencer lives in my head rent free, no cap. So sit back, relax and pretend it's you getting fricken railed. Peace out girl scouts;)

Pairing: SPENCER x READER

Category: SMUT hehe oh yeah and fluff

Word Count: 4.8k

ENJOY:)

~~~

MASTERLIST

~~~

For as long as she could remember, Y/n had always wanted to learn Russian.

So, naturally, when she found out that their newest case involved two lovers who also happened to be Russian criminals trying to escape the United States government, she simply couldn’t help but jump at the opportunity to become more involved in the investigation. 

It’s not that she’d never been on a stakeout for the Bureau before, in fact she’d probably been on so many at this point that she’d lost count. The only difference that this specific stakeout brought to her life was the fact that it was her first one to have ever been shared with Spencer Reid.

Her and the young doctor had lived in the same apartment building since her first day at the BAU, but their relationship pretty much began and ended at that. Of course they greeted each other whenever they passed in the halls of their building and ricocheted off of each other’s theories whenever necessary during their meetings in the round table room, but it would be a lie to label their relationship as anything other than casual acquaintances as well as amicable coworkers. 

She had never been able to fully get a grasp on the elusive Dr. Reid. The fact that he was already such an integral member of the F.B.I. at the ripe age of 25 astounded and, well to be honest, perplexed her. Not that she doubted his abilities or intelligence in any way, quite the opposite really. She admired how utterly brilliant he proved to be day in and day out, even with the shy exterior he presented himself with to the world. Well, shy was definitely more of an understatement. 

She had never met someone more socially awkward in her entire life, but with that being said, she couldn’t help but find it endearing and pretty dang adorable. Y/n constantly found herself enjoying his pathetic attempts at human interaction on a daily basis. From the nervous stutters to the out of this world hand gestures, there was much for her to dissect about the young doctor. And while she could openly admit that he was quite easy on the eyes, in a boyish-innocent kind of way, she had never really been able to see him in that sort of light.

If she thought his normal social interaction skills were entertaining to witness, his reactions to any of the conversations that took a more raunchy turn were to die for. The speed at which his features would ripen red like a tomato whenever anything of a sexual nature was brought up during cases was truly amazing, impressive even. However, unlike the rest of their team, she knew he wasn’t completely innocent. The walls in their apartment were as good as paper when it came to thickness, so it wasn’t that big surprise that the sounds created within them carried fairly well. 

Or at least that was what she had discovered after the first night she heard him touching himself just through her bedroom wall. 

Yes, it was less than ideal that their bedroom walls just happened to be adjacent to each other, but what could she do about it? It wasn’t as though she never sought out her own pleasure while alone in her apartment...although she would bet money that she was much better at withholding her noises. Instead, she learned to adapt to the sounds from next door and continue on with her life, having accepted that guys will in fact be dudes, no matter how innocent and meek they may appear.

When her boss had explained the nature of the assignment to them, there wasn’t anything of significance that had jumped out at her. It was all pretty standard instruction. They would wait, parked, in a government issued SUV overnight at a location close to the whereabouts of the criminals and simply translate their conversations using the mics that were planted prior. While Hotch knew that Y/n herself couldn’t understand Russian, it was common knowledge that the resident genius easily could transcribe the language.

And that was how she found herself cramped next to Spencer Reid in the stagnant vehicle, pen and paper in hand, patiently waiting for the translations to begin. 

It was almost completely silent inside the car, apart from the quiet whirring of the heat coming through the vents, and she could basically feel the nerves coming off of the man next to her in waves. That’s why she was completely thrown off her game when his timid voice was the first to break through the silence that had encompassed the space they inhabited together.

“So um Y/n..h-how have you been recently?”

She did her best to hide the small smirk that started to form on her face from the stuttering mess that spilled out of his mouth. She definitely didn’t want to make him feel even worse about himself so she decided to humour his adorable attempt at conversation with her...well...sort of.

“Oh ya know Reid, just counting the days until I get some action. How about you?” If she  thought he was sputtering nervously before, that was nothing compared to this treasure.

“Oh um well uh I-I mean...I don-I don’t...uh...w-what was the question a-again?”

This time she couldn’t stop the airy chuckle that escaped her lips as she leaned over and patted him gently on his thigh.

“Relax Reid, I’m just fucking around with you. Well for the most part...I certainly wouldn’t be opposed to some action, but that’s a whole can of worms I am not about to open during a stakeout”, Y/n laughed, not at all missing the steadily spreading blush that coated his sharp features.

“Yeah...no..yeah right of course...I t-totally knew you were just um fu-messing with me! Uh we should probably um r-review our assignment...you know just so we’re all s-set before we start.” How adorable.

“Aye-aye captain Reid. Ok so..”, she muttered while fiddling with the listening device to secure the right frequency. “...we just have to wait until they get back so we’re in range of their conversations. That’s when you’ll have your time to shine and prove yourself as the resident genius once again. And I’m sure that you’re aware that I don’t know a lick of the Russian language so I will be the best damn transcriber for you that the world has ever seen”, she finished with a smirk. 

Even Reid chuckled a bit at her words, the ever-present blush slowly creeping back upon his face and neck. 

“I’ll uh-I’ll hold you to that then.” Y/n had to admit she particularly liked to see the boy smiling, especially when it was the result of her own words. His innocence seemed to call out to her like a siren and she didn’t know how to feel about it.

“Oh-oh there they are! Ok get the pen and paper ready because as soon as they’re in range I’ll start translating.”

Getting themselves situated, they waited the few seconds it took for the couple to get close enough to the vicinity of the SUV for their conversations to begin to be broadcasted through their system.

“Как вы думаете, они идут по нашему следу?”

“Do you think they’re on our trail?”, Spencer easily understands, leaning slightly closer to her so his words were clearly heard.

“Ни за что. У этих глупых американцев нет шансов поймать нас.”

“No way. Those stupid Americans don’t stand a chance at catching us.”

At this point, the couple had already disappeared behind the door at the entrance of their current base, leaving only their words to give the closely listening agents much needed context clues.

“Я когда-нибудь говорил тебе, как сильно мне нравится твоя уверенность?”

“Have I ever told you how much I love your confidence?” 

Even Spencer let himself smile at the chuckle that left Y/n’s lips. “Awww how cute...they’re flirting with each other over mass murder. I strive for that kind of intimacy.”

“Да у тебя есть. Но почему бы тебе не показать мне, насколько тебе это нравится.”

“Yes, you have. But why don’t you show me just how much you love it.”

Uh oh, Y/n thought to herself. Not a second after the untimely thought permeated her brain, the sounds of wet lips sloppily colliding against each other filled the otherwise silent vehicle. After the few seconds of shock wore off, their heads whipped to face each other, eyes wide and mouths wide open. “Huh...well this was certainly an unexpected turn.”

“I uh um-uh well w-what do we do now?”, Tomato Boy nervously sputtered out over the chorus of moans and groans that were currently bouncing off the SUV’s walls. As unexpected as the present situation was, she was absolutely eating up his reaction to the crude sounds.

“Well, Hotch did say he wanted us to take down every single word that was shared between them so...I guess we’re just gonna have to keep moving forward with the translations. You can do that, can’t you Reid?”, she explained, not even attempting to hide the growing smirk on her face.

“Yeah! Yes! Mhmm I can do that, I c-can definitely do t-that.”, he gushed, trying to subtly clear his throat to clear the steadily growing tension in his body.

“Good to hear, Doc.”, she cheekily replied just as the raunchy sounds echoing through the system transitioned to different methods of communication, more legible ones.

“Ты была для меня такой хорошей девочкой. Я думаю, ты заслуживаешь награды.”

Quickly clearing his throat once more, he jumped back into action, with what Y/n noticed was considerably less confidence than before. “You’ve b-been such a good g-girl for me. I think you deserve a r-reward.” Spencer’s voice had noticeably dropped to a whisper by the end of the sentence, forcing Y/n to lean closer to be able to hear his translations, only magnifying the already present tension in the air. 

“Пожалуйста, папа, я сделаю что угодно.”

“P-please daddy.” His voice broke at the end igniting something deep inside Y/n’s being. “I’ll do anything.” In that moment she truly believed he would do anything, his own words or not, based on the obvious strain in his pants that her eyes glanced over, and also by the way his skin completely succumbed to goosebumps as her warm breath caressed the shell of his ear. She didn’t really know what the hell was happening, why her body was absolutely loving the way he gradually leaned into her’s, submitting all of his vulnerabilities into her hands. 

“Тебе это нравится, не так ли, маленькая шлюшка. Как член папы глубоко внутри тебя?”

She watched the way he inhaled a deep breath and released a high-pitched sigh before continuing on, subtly pressing her legs together to control the excitement thrumming through her body at his pathetic tone and mannerisms. 

“You like t-that don’t you, you little-uh-you little s-slut?” From their close proximity, she could clearly make out the speedy heartbeat clambering against his chest as he spoke. And if that was the case, he must’ve been able to feel hers as well. “Like daddy’s c-cock deep inside of y-you?” She could’ve sworn she saw his dick twitch slightly in his pants.

“Маленькая шлюшка уже придет за мной? То��да умоляйте об этом. Бля, умоляю позволить тебе кончить.”

Y/n certainly did not miss the airy sigh that escaped his lips, watching as a bead of sweat dripped down his temple, confidently guessing it was not from the heat that had been coming through the vents.

“Is the little-little s-slut gonna come for me already? B-beg for it then. Fucking beg f-for me to let you c-come.” Spencer was speedily falling apart at the seams and she was loving it. More than loving it. She was craving it. Craving the little noises that he was trying to stop from escaping his lips. Craving the way he slightly bounced his leg in an attempt to control his arousal, which was futile because it had obviously already reached its full potential in the confines of his khaki slacks. 

“Пожалуйста, папа. Пожалуйста, позволь мне прийти. Мне это надо. Пожалуйста.”

Without even hearing the words translated back to her, she could hear the utter desperation in the girl’s voice. She no longer needed to understand the Russian language to be able to finish the translation, and as she sat there with her thighs tightly pressed together, she knew exactly what it meant.

“Please!” The utter need that was present in the original audio was somehow mirrored perfectly by the young doctor’s breathy voice, his eyes squeezed tightly shut, a prominent vein popping through the skin of his smooth forehead. “Please, p-please, please let me come. I n-need it. Please!”

“П��иди за мной, детка.”

Deciding that she could regret her actions in the morning, Y/n quickly grabbed his face before he could translate, angling his head so she could whisper directly into his ear at the same time he spoke the last line of the night.

“Come for me baby.”, they both spoke at the exact same time.

Pulling away as fast as possible, she watched his clamped eyes shoot open as the most obnoxiously loud moan she had ever heard escaped the poor kid, his whole body spasming as a result. And using the large stain on the crotch of his pants as a guide, she was pretty certain she knew what had happened.

For the next few minutes there was silence in the SUV, apart from Spencer’s heavy breathing as he came down of course, leading them to believe the couple had fallen asleep after their...activities. Of course she wanted nothing more than to tease the trembling mess next to her, but she could already tell he was mortified beyond belief because of what happened so she didn’t want to make it any worse for him than it already was. 

After waiting a few extra minutes just to make sure that they had actually gone to sleep, the pair drove away from the stakeout location, Spencer not having said a word since his...big finish. As much as she loved watching him fall apart in front of her, she really didn’t want him to feel uncomfortable around her. 

“Well that was certainly an unexpected turn of events for the night, huh?”, she said, lightly chuckling with the intent of lightening his mood. She was very glad to see it had the intended effect.

“Uh y-yeah...you could definitely say that again.”, he mumbled with the ghost of a smile on his plump lips, though she could still clearly make out the blush coating his features.

“So hey, I know that you usually take the metro, but I’d be more than happy to give you a ride home after we drop the SUV off at the office if you want.”, she warmly smiled in his direction without taking her eyes completely off the road.

“Oh um..yeah that would be perfect. Thank you.”

“Don’t mention it Reid.”

~~~

The rest of the ride back to the office was pretty much spent in silence, but it was much more comfortable than it had been before, which was a huge relief. After dropping the keys to the SUV in the lock box inside, the two agents piled into Y/n’s car to go back home to their shared building. On their way back she considered just asking him if he wanted to ride with her everyday just to make his life a little easier in the long run.

Once they got to the parking lot and exited the vehicle, they began walking towards the entrance together, the awkward tension from before creeping back into the air around them. Soon enough, they found themselves standing in front of their respective doors, both unsure of how they were supposed to end the night’s interactions. After a few moments of painful silence and eye contact, Y/n was the first one to rip off the band-aid.

“So...I guess I’ll see you tomorrow Reid?” He seemed to be broken out of his trance by the sound of her voice, snapping back to attention.

“Huh? Oh yeah uh yes of course. S-see you tomorrow Y/n. Goodnight.” He scampered into his apartment before she could even get a chance to respond to his bidding.

“Goodnight.”, she whispered to no one other than herself as she unlocked her door and headed inside to shower quickly before diving into her soft sheets.

She was sitting up in her bed, book in hand, with only the small glow of her reading lamp illuminating her room when she heard it. Of course she knew immediately what they were, a talent that had developed and strengthened from living adjacent to a pretty much pubescent boy.

The tell-tale sound of moans and groans vibrating right through her wall.

She knew she probably shouldn’t be listening, something about a violation of privacy or whatever, but she just couldn’t help it. He sounded so desperate it was driving her insane. So much in fact that she was in the process of skimming her own hand downwards when she was interrupted by a certain something from the Doc’s room.

“Y/n! Oh god, please. Please.”

Oh. Oh.

Not even giving herself a second to consider her actions, she was up on her feet basically sprinting to his door, pajamas and all. Not even bothering with knocking, she noticed it was unlocked and let herself in, beelining for what she assumed was his bedroom by the increasing volume as she approached it. Standing in his doorframe, she was utterly mesmerized. There he was, sprawled across his sheets, completely bare with sweat coating his hair as he rapidly pumped his angry, red cock, her name tumbling from his lips like a chant.

“You’re so beautiful like this.” She smirked as she watched his head shoot up to where she was standing, his hand immediately stilling it’s rapid movements. Watching the panic spread on his face was intoxicating to her as she slowly approached his bed.

“Y/n! Oh my god, I’m so sorry! I uh-I didn’t um...” His words trailed off and his eyes widened as he watched her slowly begin removing her clothes as she moved closer to him. 

“Shhhhhh.” She managed to remove both her shirt and pajama pants in the short trip over to his bed and she had no intention of stopping there. Now standing directly in front of him, she let her eyes wander over his still frame completely, soaking in the amazement in his dark eyes and the slight tremble that was periodically rippling through his body. Maintaining eye contact with him the whole time, she reached behind her back and unclasped her bra, letting it pool on the floor next to her.

It was honestly shocking his eyes didn’t actually fall onto the floor with how far they bulged out of their sockets, a small moan leaving his mouth. 

She giggled at his enthusiasm before bringing her soft hands up to caress his face gently, his body shuddering at the contact. “Do you want me to keep going baby boy?” Taking a second to process the question that had left her lips, he slowly nodded while looking her in the eyes, his own full of awe. 

Happy with his answer, she reached for the edge of her panties before pushing them down to join the other pieces of clothing already inhabiting his floor. Spencer couldn’t speak. He could barely even breathe. Five minutes ago he had been jerking off to his neighbor, who also happened to be his coworker, and now said neighbor was crawling onto his bed, completely naked, with a wicked smirk on her face.

Straddling his lap, but making sure that there was no actual contact, she reached up to cup his face again, slowly rubbing circles into his defined cheekbone. “Is this ok baby boy? Is this what you want?”, she cooed. 

Spencer looked like he honestly might cry from the pure compassion laced within her words, but still found a way to nervously nod his head in affirmation of her questions. With a warm smile on her face, she leaned forward and placed a feather-light kiss on his lower jaw before continuing up the side of his face, basking in the small whimpers that fell from his pretty lips. Finally reaching his ear, she let her warm breath tease him before proceeding. 

“Do you want me to take control of you? Is that what you want sweet boy?” While the whine that immediately escaped him was answer enough, she pulled back searching for a more concrete answer to her question. “Hmmmm, you’d like that?” 

“Yes.”, he whispered, nodding his head anxiously. 

While he was answering she had leaned back towards his face, placing soft kisses all over. “As you wish baby boy.”, she whispered, changing course to attack his neck with her eager lips as soon the words left her mouth. Spencer gasped instantly and she couldn’t help but smirk against his pale flesh, increasing the pressure in which she was assaulting his neck.

Through the groans that spilled past his lips, she was able to make out his pathetic attempt at words, not slowing down her lips at all. “J-just make sure not to leave any m-marks. We’ll g-get in trouble at w-work.” Of course Spencer would be the only person on the planet to remember their office guidelines while getting his neck sucked like a vampire.

“No marks...that’ll be difficult. I want everyone to know just how thoroughly I fucked you.”

Feeling extremely satisfied by his enthusiastic response to her vulgar words, she slowly lowered herself down his body, pausing with her mouth right above his groin. Somehow the poor kid already looked completely fucked out and she hadn’t even done anything yet. Hearing him wince as she gently grasped and started stroking his cock, she knew this was gonna be fun.

Staring directly into her eyes, he watched the string of spit leave her mouth and drip directly onto his dick, eyes bulging at her bold actions, still in shock that any of this was actually happening. 

Entranced by the way his chest expanded rapidly as he watched her curiously, she leaned forward and licked the tip, his head falling back onto the pillow behind him. “I’m gonna suck your cock...but only because I want to see if you can not be a spaz about getting head from me.” Her words made Spencer whimper and she smirked as she took him fully into her mouth, soaking in his pretty noises. 

Y/n had only been going for a minute or two when she heard his groans get louder and felt him twitch in her mouth. Pulling off of him with a pop, she hummed at the sight of the completely wrecked boy in front of her, panting and shaking adorably. It wasn’t long before the perfect idea infiltrated her head, her body thrumming with anticipation and excitement.

“You’ve been such a good boy for me. I think you deserve a reward.”, she smirked, reciting the words that they had heard verbatim. Seemingly catching on to what she was pushing for, he responded accordingly.

“Please Y/n. I’ll do anything.”

She quirked her eyebrow in his direction questioningly, slowly grinding her dripping core against his achingly hard cock. “Anything, baby boy?”

Snapping his heated stare directly to her eyes, he cracked a beautiful smile. “Anything.”

She couldn’t control the grin that overtook her lips as she lowered herself down onto his erection, writhing in pleasure at the feel of him inside of her and the sound of his wanton moans. “Good boy.” 

Wanting to give Spencer time to fully adjust and control himself, she started her movements out slow, lifting herself up until only his tip remained inside before dropping down completely into his lap repeatedly. He was a moaning mess on the sheets below her, sweat coating his body along with goosebumps covering every visible expanse of his skin as he panted like a dog. He was so fucking pretty like this. 

Deciding enough was enough, she picked up the pace considerably, bouncing like a mad woman on his dick, while her sharp nails scratched down his creamy, pale chest in front of her, leaving angry, red streaks in their wake. Spencer had devolved into a blubbering mess underneath her and that lit her soul on fire.

“You like that don’t you, you little slut? Like your cock deep inside of me? Huh?” 

Y/n was pretty sure that he was short circuiting below her, his brain cutting off all control over his body as he spasmed uncontrollably and moaned for the entire fucking building to hear. Good, she thought. Let them hear how whipped he was for her. Even though it had only been a few minutes since she increased her speed, she could feel his cock starting to twitch violently inside of her and she knew he was close, really close.

“Is the little slut gonna come for me already?” All he could do was whimper in response, having to nod his head emphatically due to his loss of speech.

“Beg for it then. Fucking beg for me to let you come!” She was on fucking cloud nine right now, floating through the motions, as his whimpers increased in volume and speed. Mustering up all the strength he could, he spit out as many audible words as possible.

“Please! Please, please, please let me come! I need it! Please!” He was crying now, tears rapidly pouring from his eyes and spilling down his cheeks out of sheer desperation and need to release the tension built up within his body.

She was in awe of him. As she watched the tears pour down his face, she couldn’t help but whimper too. Desperately needing to finish, herself, she brought one hand down to make circles around her clit, while the other she brought up to wrap gently around his flushed throat, leaning over to whisper in his ear like she had earlier that night.

“Come for me, baby.”

She once again pulled back to witness his reactions to her hushed words, the outcome only more amazing than before. She watched as his eyes rolled back as far they could possibly go into his head as his mouth dropped open in pure ecstasy, high-pitched whines escaping his lips, his release shooting up into her like it had always belonged there. Maybe it had.

Watching him come undone below her, combined with her hand speedily rubbing circles on her clit, she was catapulted into the most amazing climax of her entire life, her body buzzing with excitement as she tightened around him and collapsed on his chest, weak as could be after that activity.

The pair laid silently, apart from the heaving breaths whirring through the room, still in shock over what had just transpired minutes before. Slowly shifting her eyes to the shivering boy below her, she saw he was caught in a trance, his eyes dazed, a soft grin on his lips. 

Breaking him from his stupor, she gently cupped his cheek with one hand as the other drew lazy circles on his blotchy chest. Rubbing the skin on his face lightly, she leaned forward and kissed his nose, making him scrunch it up and giggle as a result. “Such a sweet boy for me. Such a sweet, sweet boy.” Her words made him melt inside and words tumbled out of his own mouth before he could even think about stopping them.

“Вы красивы внутри и снаружи.”

She looked up at him in shock, before breaking out in giggles. “Did you just serenade me in Russian? How romantic.”, she giggled, wiggling her eyebrows suggestively.

He couldn’t seem to control his giggles either, a fact that warmed her heart. “Yes, I suppose I did.”

Smiling up at the adorable boy she just had to ask. “What does it mean?”

Y/n watched as his signature blush quickly coated his features once again as he looked down at her with a shy smile. “You are beautiful, inside and out.”

With the warmest grin she could muster, she leaned up and kissed his jaw once more before snuggling up against the young doctor who had melted her heart.

Tag List: @hopebaker @pastathighs @psychedellic-phase @gloryekaterina @sleepysnapesnake @racharr @etherealgubler @furiouspartyrebelhoagie @andiebeaword @liaabsurd @cielo1984 @starkeybaby @victomizedbyreginageorge @rainsong01 @moonlight-jukebox @gretaamyk @httpnxtt @rachelxwayne @goldnratio @cheyxminds @kricketc29 @cupcake525 @pinkdiamond1016 @slutforthegubes @shadyladyperfection @emilysallysmith @babblingbrookex @legendaryanimeaestheticclou @sunstspidey @ashwarren32 @pixels-impulse @eviewildflower @spencerreider @awkwardsadaa @dirty-pan-goblin @spencerspecifics

[pricefieldchaos]

Matthew & Lucie: "Bas les masques pour un soir"

Disclaimer: Chain of Iron Chapter 20, where Matthew and Lucie are in the carriage together and basically miss a great opportunity to tell each other what's going on in their lives. I thought I should fix that. Also, I was starving for new content about these two because that's simply how the last couple of years have been going for me. So I decided to write something myself. It's pretty much platonic – or is it? Hehe. Hope you enjoy this! I also posted this on AO3. I'll leave my profile here, if you want to check out my other OS and stay tuned for new ones! https://archiveofourown.org/users/thelastwriter/ Enjoy and maybe let me know what you think, I appreciate it a lot!

Words count: 3,800

James and Matthew were parabatai, and Cordelia and Lucie were meant to become parabatai as well. Yet it seemed to Lucie that none of them were being honest with each other.

Lucie had just come clean with Matthew about her real intentions for their destination. Matthew, as usual, had only responded with a tired, affectionate look. Why would he say that he didn’t deserve James’ love? What was tormenting him to the point that he even refused to talk about it?

She had listened to him venting throughout the whole carriage ride, without interrupting him a single time. And yet... she felt so useless, so powerless in front of his undeniable pain. She had never stopped worrying about him, and she was tired to just stand there and watch how everyone else just kept avoiding the topic. James seemed to be ignoring it, Cordelia felt miles away from her and looked like she had her own burden of secrets... Lucie herself hadn’t been so open and honest with them lately– on the contrary, she probably was the one who was keeping more things from her friends and family.

But the more she looked at her friend Matthew, the more her heart ached. Sometimes she just wanted to take him and scream into his face and tell him all the reasons why he should love himself that he seemed so unaware of.

Then why couldn’t she just do it? What was stopping her? Perhaps the fear of his reaction, or the fear of making a poor choice of words? It wouldn’t have been the first time that she had hurt him with her words. She remembered their argument in her room after the meeting with Gast’s ghost too well. I am worried that you will get my brother killed, she had told him. And if a moment before he had been holding her hand and giving her one of his fond looks, at the sound of those words he had suddenly stood up, raging. And then he had run away, leaving her flummoxed and embarrassed.

He also hadn’t seemed to take well her joke about James that she had just made. Every time that Lucie mentioned her brother to him, she got something wrong and only ended up pushing him away. And the farther he got, the more she understood how bad she needed to keep him close instead.

“Stop the carriage, Matthew” she said, breaking the silence once again.

“What, Lucie? Why?” he asked, visibly confused.

“Just stop it” she repeated.

Bewildered still, he asked the coachman to stop and told him that he could take a break. Lucie waited until the man left, then stood up and moved to the seat next to Matthew.

“Alright, I’ve had enough” she began.

He still looked clueless. “Would you just tell me what’s happening, Lucie? First you tell me to take you to another place from what we had agreed, now you want to stop. I don’t–”

“You have told me that you don’t want to talk about the thoughts that are troubling you. Well, that doesn’t sit well with me anymore. I don’t want to keep all these secrets with you anymore, I don’t want to keep secrets with anyone.”

Matthew raised an eyebrow. “I have nothing to say to you” he spat.

Why did Lucie’s heart shudder at those words and at the tone of his voice? Why did she feel like there was this huge, unbreakable wall between them? Talk to me, Matthew. It’s still me, it’s your Luce. Once you used to tell me everything... What has changed now?

“It’s not like that, Matthew, we both know it. I... I know that I haven’t been the best of friends, lately. It’s like I have got into this habit of telling the worst things to the people I care about whenever I talk to them.”

Matthew smiled bitterly. Lucie shivered. The cold winter air filtered past the curtains of the carriage, and she wrapped herself more tightly in her coat. Then she continued: “It’s like you are so scared to destroy something with your words, and because of that you do nothing but push people away. At first, I thought that was because we’re growing up and you need your space and all that, but now... there’s an abyss between us, Matthew, and I can’t accept it anymore. It... bothers me.”

“How funny,” he replied, “you looked way more bothered by my presence when we were closer. You told me yourself you were worried that I could hurt James with my behaviour. I thought I was doing you all a favour.” There it was again. That wall which wouldn't let anyone through.

Lucie looked at him in shock. “How could you ever think something like that? You know how much James cares about you. Whatever is going on, he would never want to push you away, it’s the last of his wishes. And of mine as well” she said, looking down and twiddling her thumbs nervously.

“I doubt it” Matthew replied.

Lucie had no intention of letting go. She was going to break down that wall. “Alright– to prove you my trust, I will tell you something first. After all, I haven’t been very honest myself. Neither with you, nor with the others.” She paused and took a breath. “You know that I’m able to see ghosts, right?”

He nodded. “Yes– James and your father can do that too, it’s a... peculiar family trait, am I right? But what has this got to do with us now?”

“Well– let’s say... that I also have the ability to command ghosts to do things. For instance, it was I who asked Gast to speak to me, and it’s also because of this that Jessamine can brush my hair or help me get dressed. I believe I have some sort of power, like James and his shadow world.” Another pause. She cleared her throat. “So, about all of this... there’s another ghost that I’ve met. A ghost that only I can see– well, along with Grace and Tatiana Blackthorn.”

Matthew frowned, but Lucie didn’t worry about it and just kept talking. “It’s Jesse Blackthorn. He died in such mysterious circumstances and I... I am trying to bring him back. I feel that my power is strong enough for me to command him to live again and succeed, but there still is something keeping him anchored to the other side. And the reason why I’m going to Limehouse is to try to find out what that is.”

Matthew remained silent for a long time. Lucie could read surprise on his face– a bit of fear too, maybe. He was trying to find the right words to reply to her.

“Would you care to tell me what on earth were you thinking, Lucie?” he finally snarled. “Do you understand that you’re playing with black magic, with demonic magic– that you could be exiled, or worse, for that?” Matthew covered his face with his hands. “By the Angel, Lucie! And here I was, thinking that the shadow world was already enough trouble to deal with.”

Lucie frowned. “I didn’t ask for your judgement, Matthew. And it’s not up to you to deal with mine and James’ powers.”

“James is my parabatai, Lucie! Of course it’s up to me. It’s my responsibility– I swore it. And you, you are his sister, my friend, of course I want to protect you as well! Especially from those ghosts. I don’t trust them, they could hurt you. Even those who say they are your friends... even him.”

Lucie clenched her jaw. “Thank you for your concern, Matthew, but I believe that I am perfectly capable of taking care of myself. And Jesse is not like other ghosts, his body hasn’t been taken to the City of Bones– it’s been intact for years. His soul is hanging between this and the other world, and there must be a way to reconnect it to his body. I don’t think his story has reached the end, and if I am able to see him, then it is I who can do something to help him get back the life that was so unfairly taken away from him, and that he so desires to live.”

Matthew didn’t argue further. He looked down and started fiddling with a button of his waistcoat. “It looks like you really do care about this Jesse” he pointed out.

Lucie blushed. She didn’t think that it was appropriate to talk to Matthew about her feelings for Jesse– at least not in those circumstances. And by any chance, the bright colour of her cheeks already was enough proof to him, because she saw him nodding and taking a deep breath.

“You will never cease to amaze me, Lu.”

Lucie shrugged. “So it seems.”

“You know you will have to tell James and Cordelia, right? I won’t leave you alone in all of this. Much less I will let you lie to them like that.”

She huffed. “You’re right, eventually I will need to do that. But what about you? Don’t you have any secrets with them? With me?”

He got nervous at that question and looked down again.

“What is that? You’ve had it for months now, I never see you without it. It must be really important to you” he asked in turn, abruptly changing the topic and distractingly pointing at the golden locket that sparkled around Lucie’s neck. She had carefully been wearing it backwards, hiding the thorns engraving against her chest.

She decided not to insist further with her arguments, at least for that moment. She rested her hand on the locket and lazily brushed it with her fingers.

“This? Oh, sure. Do you remember when James was about to... you know, after that terrible battle?” Her voice slightly broke at the memory of the time she had almost lost her beloved brother. “Well, this locket held Jesse’s last breath and... he gave it to me, to help me save him. James is alive thanks to Jesse. It was such a kind and brave gesture of him.”

Matthew didn’t answer, but Lucie could read some sort of gratitude in his eyes. Matthew didn’t know Jesse, but that boy had saved his parabatai and that for sure meant something to him. If anyone had saved Cordelia, Lucie would have felt the same. Daisy... she missed her a lot. Lucie had been all but honest with her lately. She would’ve just wanted to tell her everything about how she felt, but something seemed to always be keeping her from doing it. A more time went by, the more she felt her distant.

She saw Matthew turn pale and divert his gaze from her, as if he had suddenly began thinking about something else that was shocking him deeply. Then he pulled out his flask from the pocket of his coat and took a long sip of what smelled like... bourbon?

“Matthew– are you alright?” she asked him, gently resting a hand on his shoulder. He was shivering. He didn’t provide an answer, but she noticed that he was having trouble breathing.

“Alright, I will take you home now” she said in a firm tone. She called the coachman back and instructed him to bring them back to Wimpole House. The man quickly readied the horses, went back to his seat, and hit the road towards the new destination.

“Just let go, Lucie. Get a ride home and leave me alone, I am fine” Matthew whined.

“I wouldn’t even think of it. Breathe, Math” Lucie said instead. She pulled out her stele to give him an iratze, hoping it would help. With her left hand she kept his arm still, while she traced black and defined lines on his skin with her right one, moving slowly and gently. He seemed to calm down a little but didn’t speak anymore; he closed his eyes and tipped his head back against the carriage seat.

When they finally got to the apartment, Lucie took his keys from his pocket and dragged him inside. Before doing anything else she headed to the kitchen, filled in the boiler with water and put it on the stove. James says that tea is always a good solution. And it’s so cold today, after all...

She then left their coats and gloves in the hall and sat on the floor next to Matthew, who in the meantime had sunk into an armchair in the living room.

“Look at me, Matthew. Now that we’re here, will you tell me what troubles you so much, once and for all?”

“It won’t change what I did. Nothing will.”

Lucie rested her hand on his arm, slightly squeezing it. “It may be, but for sure it will lighten the burden on your shoulders” she sighed. “Listen... I am not here to force you to do or say anything, but I’m fed up with seeing you in all this pain. And most of all, I hate to see everybody else just stand there and do nothing. I see everything, but I’m not afraid.”

“You would be of me if you only knew. Don’t do this to me, Lucie, not you.” Matthew’s voice broke in the middle of the sentence.

“Do you really think I could ever hate you?” she asked him in a sad tone.

“Anyone with a bit of sense would do that.”

“Well, then, call me a fool” she said.

Matthew stifled a little laugh. “You’re so stubborn, Lu.” There it was. A small crack in the wall, and light filtering through it.

He was the only one to call her Lu. She didn’t use to like that when they were little, but with time she had grown to appreciate it. It was somewhat special, like the way only she and James would use the nickname Math for him.

Matthew sighed. “Alright.” He locked eyes with her again, and if he was looking for any remaining sign of hesitation from her, she was showing him the right opposite.

“Do you remember when my mother lost her child?” he stammered. Matthew never stammered like that– unless he was incredibly wasted. He was a bundle of nerves.

Lucie nodded weakly, then let him talk, holding his hand the whole time. And finally, Matthew told her everything: about the Academy, about Alastair and the rumours of his mother and Gideon, about his terrible secret which he and Brother Zachariah had held for years. He admitted his fear to tell everybody else, especially her and James, just because he was convinced that he didn’t deserve their love anymore after his despicable Sin. Brick by brick, the wall fell down. A great part of it, at least.

And then he told her about how he had finally given up and told Cordelia, because he felt that she was the most distant from the situation and maybe she wouldn’t have judged him. At those words, Lucie felt something twisting in her stomach and found that she couldn’t ignore it so easily. Cordelia had been a better friend to Matthew than she had been lately, despite her worries and her attempts at helping him. She was glad he had found some comfort in Daisy, but at the same time she was so disappointed in herself, and bitter about the fact that he had thought that she and James could ever judge him.

What hurt the most, though, was the disdain she heard in Matthew’s voice as he talked about himself: how could he hate himself so much, when he was so deserving of love? How could he not see it at all? Perhaps they hadn’t done enough to prove it to him, and he’d eventually given up believing it.

“Say something, Lucie” said Matthew after a long moment of silence.

Lucie couldn’t take it anymore– she reached for him and took him in her little arms. “Oh, Math” she sighed, holding him tightly. She felt him abandon himself against her.

“I... I love you. We all love you. Especially James. You have such a good heart, you’re funny; you’re scandalous, but still always a gentleman; sure, you can be annoying and a bit vain– actually sometimes you’re an insufferable wretch.” He was about to say something, but she shushed him. “But all that doesn’t matter, because your good taste and your sense of humour and your pure heart always get the best of all these insignificant flaws. What I mean to say is that you are many things, Matthew Fairchild, but you certainly aren’t a murderer. You are not a bad person, and everyone here is aware of that, except you.”

He looked up to meet her gaze, his eyes shining and wavering. “Interesting choice of words, Lucie Herondale. Are you sure you are not simply trying to please me?”

“Why should I? Especially right now. I’m dead serious.”

“Jesse Blackthorn is such a lucky man... or should I say, a dead lucky man?” At those words they both looked at each other, trying hard to remain serious, but eventually burst out laughing out loud.

“Hey, that was uncalled for!” Lucie giggled.

She had come to terms with her feelings a while ago now– her heart belonged to Jesse. And yet, she couldn’t help but feel grateful for that sense of comfort that pervaded her whenever she shared this kind of moments with Matthew. She sprang up and sat on his legs, a gesture that was to her as spontaneous as it was familiar; she used to do that a lot when they were younger, but now it had been so long since the last time. He sat up straight, caught by surprise, and wrapped an arm around her waist.

“Lucie– I would be a liar if I said that I don’t appreciate being this close to you, but I wouldn’t want someone to suddenly walk in and find us alone in this compromising situation. I regret to remind you that we are not eleven anymore.”

She shrugged. “Who could ever walk in? Your beloved Oscar Wilde? He must have witnessed much more compromising situations than this, that poor dog...”

“What did you take me for?” Matthew said, resting a hand on his chest dramatically. Lucie raised an eyebrow and smirked.

“You’re impossible, Lu” he laughed, “but thank you” he added, and she rested her head on his shoulder, still hugging him. Being this close to a person she cared about so much again was the best of feelings; she had never realised she had needed it that much until that very moment.

“You know that you will have to tell James as well, right?”

“I really can’t argue with you... how do you do it every time?” he said, distractingly stroking her hair. She looked up to meet his gaze.

“I must admit, I have a way of doing that” Lucie shook her head and kissed his cheek. His light stubble tickled her lips and she smiled, lingering for a couple more seconds on his warm skin.

The tension between them had dropped during the last months– Lucie didn’t feel the pressure of Matthew’s unrequited feelings anymore. She wondered if that made her feel relieved, or if that lack of interest had started bothering her. But why would that be? After all, they were better off that way– Matthew was her friend, and it was good that he now felt the same about her. Right?

Matthew’s voice interrupted those weird thoughts. “I’ve ruined all your plans for today. I’m sorry, Lucie.”

“If I hadn’t cared about you, I wouldn’t have stopped the carriage in the first place. It was my decision, Matthew. Stop feeling guilty for things that don’t even depend on you. I will be back there tomorrow; I can still help Jesse. But first I needed to help a friend.”

He smiled. “I am speechless... in a good way, obviously.”

“Yeah, that’s what I usually do to people, they say” she laughed.

Matthew sighed. “So, we’re going to be alright then, yeah?”

Lucie smiled to him. “Of course we will. I will always have your back. You will be fine, I promise.”

“And I won’t let you put your life at risk like that. At least, not alone.”

Lucie stifled a laugh and pinched his arm. Matthew reached out his hand and fixed the ribbon that was slipping away from her hair.

“I’ve always wanted to do that, I admit it, your ribbons are always out of place. Only I didn’t feel entitled to take certain liberties before.”

She blushed slightly and brought a lock of hair behind her ear. “What has changed now?”

“Maybe getting rid of that burden and you not running away in horror helped a little.”

“You silly. I’m really glad to hear that” she smiled. Then she gasped. “Oh Raziel– the tea! It’s still on the stove!” Lucie sprinted to the kitchen to put out the fire and filled in two cups with the hot tea, which had been ready for a while now.

Matthew laughed. “Luce, do you mean to set my house on fire, by any chance? I knew that you would try to get rid of me sooner or later, but I must admit I had imagined something more like a face-off.”

There was something about Matthew’s laugh, something comforting and wonderful that warmed Lucie’s heart like the sun in full summer. It was the first time in years that she felt him laughing like that, and she couldn’t help but feel so happy to have given him back a part of that smile that she and James had always loved– that everyone had always loved, like anything about him. How could anyone not love Matthew Fairchild?

Lucie returned to the living room with the two cups and a tray, and she put everything on the coffee table in front of them. Then she sat back with him on the armchair and gave him a challenging look. “Believe me, Matthew: when the time comes and I decide to get rid of you for good, it will be a bloodbath” she chuckled. He responded in kind, and they both started joking and teasing each other.

And among an abundance of inside jokes, laughter and a good cup of hot tea, Lucie’s heart started beating a bit faster, composing a sweet background music which lulled her in that little frame of peace and that, maybe, told a story about the feelings still buried deep within them.

Lucie and Matthew had put down their masks for one night; but as good a writer as Lucie was, she knew that this often wasn’t enough to bring all the secrets and the truths to light.

Time would take care of that.

[blu-joons]

The Fans Find Out About Your Relationship ~ Kim Seokjin

As soon as you walked through the front door you could feel that there was a tension in the house. Jin refused to acknowledge your presence in the house as he continued to play on his phone, only managing a quick glance across at you.

“Everything alright?” You questioned, grabbing yourself a drink before taking a seat on the sofa. “Has something happened?”

Slowly, his head nodded. You watched on as he reached beside him on the sofa and pulled out the newspaper from the front door with a large photo printed.

As you reached out to pick it up and take a closer look, you realised exactly what the picture was of. It was of the two of you, just outside your apartment two nights ago, with Jin’s arms wrapped tightly around your body.

“I don’t even know what we’re supposed to do when they’ve managed to get such a clear picture of us,” Jin sighed, shutting his phone off, spinning around to face you.

You felt your stomach knot as you studied the photo closely, yours and Jin’s features were obvious, there was denying that it was the two of you. Neither of you could understand how you’d managed to get caught in somewhere so private though.

“My phone has been blowing up with interviews and questions from people, desperate to know what’s going on,” he vented.

“I had no idea, no one at work even showed me anything.”

Jin’s head nodded, but it didn’t change the fact that the two of you had been rumbled. You’d worked tirelessly to make sure that your relationship was kept private, mainly for the sake of Jin’s career that had always been his biggest concern.

A quiet apology came from your lips as you placed the newspaper back down on the coffee table, studying his expression closely for just a hint of what to do next.

“Do you know how many fans have tweeted about this or sent me a message? They’re all so disappointed that I kept something like this a secret from them all. I don’t know how I’m ever going to be able to make this up to them.”

Your hands brushed through your hair nervously, turning the paper over so that you couldn’t see the photo anymore as it continued to add to your anger and your frustration.

“We were trusted to keep this a secret, and we’ve gone and done the complete opposite of that.”

Your head nodded shamefully, struggling to find the words. Jin’s eyes kept looking across at you in hope that you’d say something, but every time you tried, words failed.

He was right, the two of you had so hard to keep your promise that the two of you would be kept a secret, and yet somehow, you’d managed to get rumbled.

“We made a mistake Jin, surely they’ll understand that and sympathise,” you finally spoke.

“Do you really think the fans will be so understanding?”

Your shoulders shrugged back at him, neither of you could ever have the answer to such a question without exposing yourselves to all their posts on social media. Jin continued to frown across at you, evidently in deep thought as he tried to take his next step.

The longer the silence between the two of you grew, the more fearful you became as to what was going to happen next. You watched Jin closely as he sat up on the sofa, sighing loudly.

“This is it,” he muttered.

“What do you mean?” You questioned, moving further along the sofa so that you could sit a little bit closer to him.

His head shook as you moved closer, refusing to accept any affection from you. Your body jumped at his cold nature, placing your hands into your lap to move away from him again. His actions only worsened your fears as your mind began to wonder to all sorts of scenarios that seemed to be coming your way.

“Us,” he muttered, “this is it.”

You continued to stare cluelessly across at him as you tried to figure out exactly what was going on. But as you tried to reach out for him once again, he shrugged you off immediately.

“Are you saying you want to break up?”

The lack of response that came from Jin was the only answer that you needed, scoffing in disbelief as you moved yourself back away from him.

You watched closely as Jin stood up from the sofa and walked towards the kitchen, leaning himself against the counter. You quickly followed behind him, refusing to bring such a sudden end to such a serious conversation.

“Is that really the only solution you can find to all of this?” You asked him, “you just want to drop me and leave me to do with this all alone?”

His head shook back at you, “I’d never let you handle this alone Y/N, but until it blows over, I just think it’s best if we spend some time apart. I always told you that my career was the most important thing to me, and that’s what I need to protect right now.”

You couldn’t quite believe what you were hearing as Jin continued to move around you, carrying on as if nothing had really happened. Your eyes glared across at him every time he moved, shaking your head continuously.

“Do you not think I need protecting?” You continued to question, staring in disbelief.

“You can handle yourself,” he pointed out to you, grabbing his phone out of his pocket. “If the fans aren’t accepting of the two of us, we can’t continue. I can’t risk losing everything I’ve worked for just over a photo of a kiss on the front page of a newspaper.”

Your eyes widened as soon as he finished speaking, “is that what I am to you? Just a kiss that makes front page news?”

His head shook as soon as he realised what he’d said, but you were already on your way into the living room to grab your bag. It was Jin’s turn to quickly try and chase after you, calling out your name, but each time you ignored him, picking up whatever you could find.

As you began to walk towards the front door, he finally managed to stand in front of you and stop you from opening up the door. You quietly asked him to move, but he stubbornly stayed in position.

“That’s not what I meant, and you know it. Let’s just give things a break until this blows over, I don’t want to see you get caught up in this.”

“I’m already caught up in this Jin, but you’re too wrapped up in your career to see that.”

His head shook lightly, “that’s not true. I’m trying to do what I think is best for you right now Y/N, can’t you see that?”

“I think I should be the one to decide what’s best for me. Don’t use that as an excuse to try and cover the fact that you simply don’t care enough for me.”

“Of course, I care,” he protested, “I’ve tried to protect you for months by not letting this get away, and now it has, and I just don’t know what to do.”

You scoffed loudly, “you’ve made it clear what you want to do, and that’s not be with me.”

“Are you really going to leave right now?” He asked.

“You’ve left me with no other choice.”

---

Masterlist