#sins kakashi | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

toni-kirkwood99 · 4 months

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This is my first ever post on here. That's mine, so talk to me nice, please🥹🫶🏿💯. I've never done warnings before, so if I miss something, please let me know! I'll have to figure out how to fix it and edit this post. I've never done that before either...😅

⚠️WARNINGS ⚠️

Mentions of pussy eating, reader has female anatomy, pussy eating, begging brat reader, daydream fuck, vaginally sex, passionate sex, oral fem receiving, mention of bunny and hun bun for a nickname (no pet play tho), daddy nicknames for him, breading, vaginal creampie, squirting, cow-girl, mating press, suggestive sex at the end, Choking (slightly and gently), use of colors for safe words, brat reader, chaotic switch reader (mostly pillow princess but a switch), soft dom switch male, mostly a wholesome situation turned into a wet daydream honestly lol, healthy strong relationship✅️, fluff but NSFW 🔞, ageless blogs will be blocked, No Minors Please🙏🏾💯

⚠️END WARNINGS⚠️

Reader POV*

*We just came inside from hammocking because it started raining, and you didn't want us to get sick*

You ask me if I'd like hot Cocoa. To which I replied yes. I'd never turn down a good cup of Cocoa.

We just had a very intimate yet innocent quality time together. But as you make our drinks, I can't help but let my eyes drift. Let them wander over every expanding and contracting muscle. While you do something as simple as making 2 cups of hot cocoa, it stirs something up inside me.

I sit at the island stool across from you and run my fingertips across the countertop and imagine all the sweet yet nasty things you could do to my body.

I envision you looking up at me like a lion, thirsty, ready to drink from the watering hole for the first time in days. The same way you'd look at me, thirsty ready to taste what's between my meaty thighs that you so gently caressed, kneaded, and rubbed outside on the hammock. With nothing but love and care, but I can't help that my mind takes me to far away places, dirty places.

Places where you have me underneath you (after making me cum with your mouth because you're a gentleman And oh so gentle with me)

*wet dream while you make Hot Cocoa*

You grab me by my thighs and pull me to the edge of the bed. Before you even truly start anything after the amazing earth shattering head you gave me and the two back to back orgasms.

You say, “if at any point you want to stop, tell me. I'll always ask you what color you are throughout the whole experience. If you want me to stop, say red, slow down is yellow, and keep going is green. Got it baby?”

I'm so hot and bothered I respond a bit more rude than I meant to, “I know I know. Just fuck me already! I want you so bad.”

You just smile and laugh through your nose at my impatience. For that you decided to tease me a bit more. You caress my face and lean down to kiss me softly and slowly. I melt into the kiss. Even more when you line your tip up with my clit and start rubbing your sex in my slick and moaning into the kiss.

At this point I'm already soaked so this does wonders for you, but it isn't enough friction for me. I start whining and it's like music to your ears for a few minutes. You wait patiently as you continue for your favorite part. Making me beg.

I whine, “baby ‘tis feels good but I want more."

You pull away and smile at me, “you know the magic word that would give you everything you want right now baby, you just gotta say it and talk to me nice hun bun.”

I melt at the nickname. You could call me anything, and it would make me weak in the knees. Because it's you. I blush and get a bit embarrassed. You caress my cheeks and give me another kiss for encouragement and slow down your grinding. To an agonizingly slow pace for me but a delicious one for you.

“Can you please make love to me babe, I want you so bad, please?” I ask sweetly.

You smile a sweet prideful smile and say, “of course baby, your wish is my command.”

With that you kiss down my body one last time. Kiss lick and suck my clit and make sure I'm wet enough to take you (which I am beyond wet enough lol). You come back up and kiss me long and passionately.

You ask, “color?” and I reply “green” with a loving smile.

You smile back and line your tip up with my entrance. You ask once more just to make sure but my answer remains unchanged.

You push in slowly and watch as my eyes get lower and I start to whine and rotate my hips a bit at the stretch of you.

You ask again, “color hun bun”

To which I replied “still green baby~ it feels so good~”

As I reach out both of my hands for yours and you gladly take them. Interlocking them.

“You feel amazing, bunny. I can't wait to be all the wa-” you groan.

My coochie slowly sucks you in the rest of the way. Slurping you up in my sticky wet heat; like a hot babe at the beach would throat a popsicle on a hot summer's day.

You instantly grab my throat and ask for a color as you apply the perfect amount of pressure that you know I like.

“still green baby~” I say as you keep the pressure I like on my throat and notice again how my pussy squeezes a bit tighter when you squeeze a little tighter.

You love how nasty I can be. It turns you on so much. You do a few experimental rolls of your hip and I am keening for you.

You say, “baby i'm gonna go fast, but if you need me to slow down let me know okay?”

And I melt. You always prioritize me and my wants and needs over your own. It makes me feel so safe and loved. This intimacy is how I repay you. By showing you just how much I trust you with my body. How much I care for you with this dance we do every night.

“I don't need to, you always take care of me, you're my sexy amazing daddy and future baby daddy after all~.” I say it with the utmost confidence. And with a knowing smirk.

Knowing that talking like that gets you going and places one thing on your mind on repeat. This is your pussy forever, and since it's yours you're gonna claim it. Breed me if I ask for it. Cause you'd give me the world on a silver platter if you could.

You look me deep in my eyes with love and lust, “baby can I cum inside you tonight? You know when you talk like that all I wanna do is breed my pussy.”

And If I were on my hands and knees like I normally would be, my knees would have buckled. But I'm on my back in a mating press, nose to nose with my soulmate.

I airily say, “take me, and breed me, I'm all yours, future baby daddy~” and that's what makes you snap.

You piston your hip in my dripping heat and grip my thighs to keep me from moving around too much from the force of your hips rutting into mine.

Your big breeder balls are slapping against my ass as you pound into me with one thing on your mind.

Breed breed breed.

I moan your name loudly, your given name and a string of nicknames that make your heart melt.

Even in your breeder frenzy you still ask, “color, baby?! What color?”

And I respond lustfully, even with my cloudy mushy fucked out brain, “So good baby~ it's so… soooo good~ I'm… I’m green~ green~.”

You smile at the fact that you've barely started and I’m already a fucked out mess. Dripping all over your cock and squeezing like a vice from time to time because of the deliciously hard fluid strokes you're giving me. Kissing my cervix deliciously without fail with every stroke.

You move your hand from my throat up to my jawline. Using your thumb to brush against my lips. I stick out my tongue and give it a kitten lick. You push your thumb in my mouth, and I suck it. You groan at my obedience. Even when my brain is mush. I'm still your good girl. To reward me, you place your hand back in my throat and squeeze the way I like, and I moan your name like a prayer. A mantra if you will.

You notice when my eyes roll back and I drool a bit. My pussy, your pussy, starts to convulse. So you press down on my lower stomach so I can feel you deeper. That's what makes me scream your name as I cum.

You smile with pride as I come undone on your cock. Even more so as you pound me through my first orgasm into my second and make me scream your name as I squirt all over your cock for the umpteenth time. But each time you count them. Every. Single. One. This is number 28, you want to hit 30 by the end of tonight at least. But I don't know about that little game you play in your head. Keeping score because you want to make sure you're actually pleasing me (so much better and unlike the men from my past).

You slow down to try to be gentle with me, knowing how sensitive I get after squirting.

I whine with a hint of mischief in my tone. “Come here, please, baby~ kiss~?” I ask so sweetly, how could you say no?

You leaned down to kiss me sweetly but I licked your bottom lip, and in your shocked state I slipped my tongue in. I make out with you.

You were pleasantly surprised. Your submissive pillow princess was ever so bold tonight. You couldn't be more proud and turned on if you tried.

When I break away I whisper in your ear, “lay down on your back for me baby, please~”

You do it without question. And I get in cow-girl position facing you. Lining your massive cock up with my entrance and slowly sinking down on it until it's sheathed inside me fully. I moan loud and proud as I take all of you.

I grab one of your hands and place it on my love handles, the other I place on one of my boob. “color?” I ask.

You chuckle and smile, “green baby, always”.

And I smile that smile that shows all three of my dimples and makes your knees weak for me. Then I start grinding, rotating my hips in a circle at a tantalizing slow pace.

You groan cause it feels so good. But your eyes roll back when I do a kegel (tighten my pussy) and start bouncing at a fast pace randomly. I moan and drip and leak all over your cock. One hand grabbing one of your forearms while the other moves my hair out of my face.

“Baby you're so beautiful, you're a goddess and I'm lucky you chose me. Fuck baby! Just like that~” you groan as you watch me fuck myself on your cock.

Nothing turns you on more than when I bounce back on you to get more friction in doggy or bounce myself on your cock in cowgirl or reverse cowgirl when I want you to slap my ass🤭.

I continue to bounce, “I'm the lucky one that you found me, I want your babies so bad, give it to me daddy~ please~ I need it so bad~” I whine with tears in my eyes.

Third orgasm approaching rapidly. You groan at that. Grabbing my love handles and fucking up into me at a rapid pace. Making your orgasm approach quicker.

My eyes roll back and I scream a string of loving nicknames towards you. As I squeeze your cock as I cum & squirt all over your cock for the second time tonight. I unknowingly milk your cock for all its worth in the process of reaching my own peak.

Your eyes rolling back as you say, “fuck baby, cumming~ oh fuuuck take my kids~ have my babies! Baby, please! Oooh FUCK! Please take it~ Take it all!~ Good girl~”

All I can do is whine and moan. Being called your good girl makes me cum again and give you all I have with my last little squirt and orgasm of the night. You fucked me so good and my legs burn from this position.

But I keep you inside me as I lay down on you and snuggle into the crook of your neck. Getting cozy while I use your softening cock as a plug for the cum that would come leaking out if I slid off of you.

I meant it when I asked you to give me your babies. I'm just wanting to take a nap while I give as many of your swimmers a fighting chance as I can.

You rub my back and arms lovingly. Moving my hair out of your face.

“I adore you, you beautiful woman, I always will. In this life and the next.” You say lovingly.

I smile and you can feel it on your neck. It gives you butterflies.

“I adore you, in this life and the next my handsome future husband and baby daddy.” I say.

You smile at that. Knowing something that I don't know. I don't know that you've been waiting for the perfect moment to break out that beautiful velvet black box and pop the question. Already planning out our life together. Already knowing you've found the one you want to spend the rest of your life with. Your soulmate, best friend, and lover wrapped up into one beautiful perfect woman you want to wake up next to every day for the rest of your life. And you smile knowing 100% for a fact that the feeling is mutual.

You smile hearing my soft snores. Knowing that I only snore when i'm super tired. And-

*End daydream*

“Cocoa is done! Do you want marshmallows in your Cocoa love?” you ask.

I blink rapidly at that. Being brought back to reality.

I take a minute to respond. To snap back into reality.

“Yeah always, you know I love marshmallows!” I say with a smile.

You smile back at me sweetly. “Of course I do. Just thought I would ask on the off chance you didn't want them this time. Like that would ever happen! My sweetie is a cannibal for sweets when you're on your period. That's why I'm getting as much chocolate & sugar in your system as I can!” You admit sweetly.

I looked at my phone and just received my notifications from the Flo app that my period should start tomorrow. I forget he has it too to know when he has to be extra nice to me. It makes me tear up a bit.

You turn around to give me the Cocoa and see the tears brimming at my eyelashes. “Oh no honey, are you cramping already?” You ask sweetly, concern written all over your face.

I have to blink away the tears and wipe a few away. “No, not yet anyway. Just feeling a bit overwhelmed that I have such a loving doting partner is all. Never thought I'd find someone like you in a million years.” I say sadly, but truthfully.

You look at me with those sad knowing eyes, and put your mug down. While mine sits on the counter and I play with the ring of the cup. You move around the island and turn me around, so I'm facing you.

“I Love you, I'm real, and I'm not going anywhere. Now you say it too so I know you're real and not a robot [lol].” you say sweetly with a joke at the end to make me laugh. I do.

After my fit of giggles, “I love you, I'm real, and I'm not going anywhere either.” I say and hug you around your waist and snuggle into your chest. You start to laugh again and I know what you're going to say before you say it.

“I am not a robot!” I shout, and that makes you laugh harder.

We both laugh, and it's another great night. Another night snuggled up on the couch watching back to back movies and cuddling. You grab us snacks and drinks. Nothing but sweet loving innocent intimacy. Until I change that… Eventually…

My anime husband's that give off this vibe (same age or aged up for some cause no I would never f*** a minor🗣📣💯)

#Demon slayer-

#Giyu tomioka♡

#Kyojuro rengoku

#Sanemi shinazugawa

#Tengen uzui (I want his hot wives more than him ngl☠️💯)

#Inosuke Hashibira

#Tanjiro kamado

#Gyutaro

#Muzan jackson (hee hee🌙🚶‍♂️🕺🎤🎶)

#Tokyo Ghoul-

#Juuzou Suzuya♡

#All out-

#Sekizan Takuya♡

#Iwashamizu Sumiaki♡

#My hero academia-

#Katsuki Bakugo ♡

#Izuku Midoriya ♡♡♡

#Tomura Shigaraki ♡

#Tamaki Amajiki ♡♡♡

#Chainsaw man-

#Denji ♡♡♡

#One punch man-

#Genos ♡♡♡

#Jujutsu Kaisen-

#Satoru Gojo

#Megumi fushiguro

#Kento Nanami

#Mahito </3 (idk what makes me so wet for this mf monster, bro)

#Choso ♡♡

#Toge Inumaki ♡♡

#Seven deadly sins-

#Ban ♡ (in a world with no Elaine lol)

#Inuyasha-

#Sesshomaru ♡

#Naruto-

#Neji Hyuga ♡♡

#Kakashi Hatake ♡♡♡

#Gaara ♡♡

#Kiba Inuzuka♡

#Blue lock-

#Bachira Meguru ♡♡♡

#Chigiri Hyouma

#Kunigami Rensuke

#Nagi Seishirou♡♡

#Barou Shouei

#Black clover-

#Luck Voltia♡♡

#Nozel Silva♡

#Fuegoleon Vermillion ♡

#Mereoleona Vermilion♡♡♡

#William Vangeance♡♡

#Jack the Ripper

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asirensrage · 2 years

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the weight of all my sins snippets - Kakashi x OC

A series of scenes from this fic idea that would not leave me alone.

Title: the weight of all my sins - snippets Rating: M Fandom: Naruto Warnings: Violence. Blood. Thoughts of suicide. Mention of suicide ideation. Mention of seduction missions and the aftermath. Mention of smoking and drinking. Summary: AU. Kei has always held anyone outside of her team at a distance but Kakashi has a way of slipping in between the cracks. An exploration of grief, loss, sacrifice, murder, protection, acceptance and letting people in.

Notes: I haven't watched all of Naruto and this is going a lot off of memory. It's a series of scenes that are out of order and it is un-beta'd. There are also a couple in Kakashi's POV. Heed the warnings.

She feels him step up next to her. She glances over out of the corner of her eye. He’s matched her pace, seemingly oblivious with his book in front of his face but she knows better.

“Kakashi,” she greets. “You’re up early.” She plays into his reputation.

“As are you, Kei, where are you off to?”

“I’m meeting Seitaro and Aya. Where are you headed?” She doesn’t have to explain. She’s known Kakashi for a long time. He had been her team leader for long enough that they knew enough about each other that things could go unsaid. It is a rare moment for her to meet her friends. The school year has finished which means Seitaro is free and Aya is not on duty. She knows though that they haven’t met for weeks because of her. Kei rarely stops.

“To meet my new genins.”

She stops in the street. “They gave you another team? Those poor kids.”

He pouts over exaggeratedly at her. “So cruel!”

“You’ll recover.” She’s aware that people are staring. They are always staring. She’s used to it. Kakashi nudges her slightly, pulling her from her thoughts. “I’m glad it’s you and not me.”

“Well, they have to pass first,” he tells her.

She tries not to smile. “Good luck.”

––

She knows what they’re going to say. She can hear it already: copying the famous copy ninja. Her lips twitch up, amused at the thought. Kakashi won’t care. She’s already asked.

She slips it on, tugging it in place until it is tight against her. The face covering sits comfortably against her skin. It will take some getting used to but already she feels herself settling at the fact that no one can see her. Her expressions won’t be used against her anymore. She won’t get anyone else killed.

––

She’s tired.

Maybe they had the right idea. It was time to leave ANBU. She’s been running for too long, trying to lose herself in every mission, every promise and never succeeding. She wants to go home.

She wants to spend more than a day or two in her Village. She wants to be able to see her friends and the faces of those she’s working with.

She wants her body to feel like hers again.

––

“Found you!”

Three kids skid to a stop in front of her, the blond pointing up at her face. She blinks and stares at them.

“Can I help you?”

She watches as the realization sinks in.

“You’re not Kakashi-sensei…” the pink-haired girl says.

“Ah, you’re Hatake’s genins.” It clicks and as she looks them over, she realizes why he was forced to have a team. Uchiha and Uzumaki. The poor pink-haired girl was probably just to fill in the ranks. Cannon fodder. She swallows dryly.

“Where is he?” The Uchiha kid demands. What a brat. She’s tempted to not answer just because.

“Do you know where he is?” the girl asks politely.

“No,” she shakes her head. “Why are you looking for him?”

“He’s late!” Uzumaki yells. Her ears are already ringing. “We’re supposed to be training!”

“Did you check the trees?” she asks dryly. Thankfully, the mask hides the smile she's trying not to give.

“The trees?”

“He likes to hide in them,” she tells them. “You have to climb them to look for him.”

The kids look at each other as though they don’t believe her.

“Are you related to Kakashi-sensei?” the girl asks.

She laughs. She can’t help it. The idea of being related to Kakashi is hilarious. “No,” she says. “I know him but we’re not related.”

“Well, why are you hiding your face?” Uzumaki demands.

“Why are you showing yours?” she retorts. It surprises the kid long enough for her to walk away. Kakashi has his work cut out for him.

––

“What are you doing here?”

She looks over to where he’s sitting next to her bed. She’s trying to get some sleep and heal the bruising on her back which didn’t require a trip to the hospital. She’s just tired. It feels like a state of being at this point.

“Heard you were injured.”

She should have been more alarmed but she’s always known when it’s him, even when others have tried to disguise themselves to prank them. She’s not surprised he broke in, but she didn’t think…she didn’t think he’d care.

“I’m fine,” she says.

Lightning flashes outside her window, illuminating him for a moment. He turns to look at her, lowering his book. Her mask is off but he’s seen her before. Most of the village has, at least those old enough to be around when she was young.

“The fact you won’t get up tells me otherwise. What happened?”

She sighs and rests her chin back on her hands, looking away from him. “I hit a tree.” There was more to it than that. She was flung into a tree after she managed to stab her target. He bled out afterwards and they dealt with the body before managing to get home but it still hurt.

“A tree.”

“Yes. Nothing’s broken but I’m off the roster for a couple of weeks.” She turns to look at him again and suddenly realizes he’s wet. “You’re not dripping on my bed, are you?”

“Course not,” he smiles as he says it and she doesn’t believe him for a second. He doesn’t move though, just goes back to his book.

“You don’t have to stay,” she says softly.

“I’m not leaving.” His voice is soft but stern.

She gives a small sigh. “Okay. You can lie down though. You don’t have to sit there if you’re planning on being here long.”

He looks back up at that. “You’re inviting me to your bed?”

She gives a laugh and winces at the pain. “Not actually in shape for anything but sleep. Don’t worry. Your virtue is safe.”

“That’s no fun.”

She tries not to laugh. “Another time.”

He leans down and her eyes close as she feels cloth-covered lips brush against her shoulder. “I’ll hold you to that.”

––

She tries to resist the urge to lean into him, to rest her head on his shoulder and use him to hide. She shouldn’t. She’s not supposed to be that frightened little girl anymore.

He had pulled her away. He had moved them both, into the darkness, giving her that space even as he crowds her. She never felt claustrophobic with him. Never felt threatened. She’s always been safe and maybe that’s the part that scares her the most. There are so few people she feels safe with.

His hand squeezes her hip, just enough to draw her attention to the fact that he’s touching her. She looks up, going to meet his eyes and tell him that she’s okay, she’s fine. She doesn’t get the chance.

His lips are on hers before she can even start to say anything. The kiss is desperate and hard and as his hand cups the back of her neck holding her against him, she melts into it. They’ve kissed before, usually because of some mission or task, when they’ve pretended to be a couple to gain information, but not…not like this. This was different. She couldn’t give a reason why, even as her arm goes around his neck to keep him there.

The kiss breaks.

She’s left catching her breath, wondering how the fuck it came to this. She had promised herself she wasn’t going to let him in. She wasn’t going to let anyone in. He crept in behind her walls regardless.

“It’s okay,” he says softly, his mouth brushing by her ear. “It’s okay.”

“We shouldn’t ha–” she’s cut off by another kiss.

“I’m tired of pretending,” he says when he pulls away again. “I’m tired of stopping. Aren’t you?”

—–

“What’s up with you and Kakashi?”

She looks at Aya. “What are you talking about?”

Aya just gives her a smile and a shrug. “Someone saw him climbing into your window the other day.”

She frowns at that. She just got back. “I have no idea. I’ve been on a mission for the last week. You’d have to ask him.”

“But you let him in?” Aya presses.

“I don’t think anyone lets Kakashi do anything. He just does what he wants.”

“And that includes going into your home?”

“Maybe he was watering my plants,” she shrugs.

“You don’t have plants.”

“True…” She’s not sure why Kakashi was in her home but she’s not concerned. He’s one of the few people she trusts. She’s not expecting him to lay traps. “I’ll ask him when I see him.”

“You’re not upset?” Aya asks.

“About what?”

“Someone in your apartment while you’re gone?”

She shrugs. “It’s Kakashi.”

––

She’s sitting at the table, surrounded by friends and people she knows. The bar is crowded. It’s late but no one is showing signs of stopping. They all had different ways to deal with the things they do, that they have done. There are no morals when you have no qualms against killing for your livelihood.

Kei almost wishes she had a cigarette but that would involve lowering her mask. As much as she should be able to relax in her Village, surrounded by people she knows, she can’t. There’s a lingering paranoia in the back of her head. She feels like crawling out of her skin.

“Kakashi!”

There are a few other cheers as he slips into the chair next to her. She nods in his direction before turning back to her conversation with Seitaro. She’s not sure how long has passed before she feels his thigh pressing into hers. She presses back but she knows he’s not looking at her, that there’s no actual demand or desire behind it. It’s simply a way for both of them to make sure that they’re there.

It's weird to feel as connected as she does to Kakashi. They’ve worked together, have been teammates for years, but it’s more about the fact that she knows he understands her. Her team knows but they’re too close. They push. At least they used to. Not anymore. They don’t demand answers or that she forgive herself, Aya doesn’t hold it against her but Kei does. She hasn’t stopped. Kakashi understood that.

She feels a sharp relief, the urge to run quiets slightly, enough that she can control it. Kei relaxes, the reminder that she can slip out at any time, that enough time has passed now since Kakashi showed up. He nudges her slightly and she looks over at him. He raises a bottle, a silent offering to pour her more. She slides her glass over towards him.

“Thanks,” she smiles with her eyes. He nods in return and pours it. Somehow, with all her time wearing the same mask, she’s learned how to read him.

––

She kneels, waiting for the approval to speak. She doesn’t need to be there but she is. They all are. Aya and Seitaro are on either side of her. Seitaro has helped them kneel, skin pulling at the injuries that are still wrapped. They’re not supposed to be doing anything strenuous, but Kei had to come.

So she waits, holding back the pain of the position.

“Why are you here?”

Kei leans forward, pressing her forehead against the ground in her bow. “Kazu is dead. It was my fault. I’m sorry. I am so sorry.”

She doesn’t look as she hears the Clan head come forward. “Did you wield the kunai?”

“No.”

“Did you make the cut?”

“No.”

“Did you lead my brother into a trap?”

She swallows tightly. “No. We were ambushed. They saw…I gave him away. I didn’t mean to.”

There is a small sigh. “The fate of a shinobi is rarely a good one but he gave his life to protect you. It was not your fault.”

Tears build up in her eyes. She shakes her head. “No, I gave it away. They told me,” her voice cracks. “They said it was me. They knew I cared and they–” She starts crying. “How can you not hate me?”

“You were his. He was ours. You are ours. All of you.” The Clan head leans forward and pulls Kei up, bringing her into her arms. “It’s not your fault, young one.”

Kei just cries harder, clinging to the woman who is offering absolution that she does not feel like she deserves. She should have died instead.

—–

She’s not suicidal. She’s not. She doesn’t want to die. She just wants…to stop existing for a moment. To have that sense of peace. She wants to not be able to feel the guilt and anger and blood that feels like she’s covered in, for one moment. She wants to be able to stop thinking.

Her back hits the wall hard. His body presses into hers as he cages her in place.

“Don’t fucking say that,” he snarls. She’s never seen him this angry before. Not at her.

“It’s true.”

“It’s not. You can’t.” There is a moment of silence before he presses closer, his hand digs into her hair. “I won’t lose you too.”

––

She sits next to his bed, feet propped up and looking completely comfortable despite the fact that she’s on edge. He’s been sleeping for days. She’s been on guard since he arrived. Kei needs him to be okay. She needs him to wake up.

––

She stares at the man. “No.”

“A favour.”

“She’s your student, Kakashi. Not mine. I don’t take students.”

“She needs guidance and I can’t–” he sighs. “My hands are full with Sasuke. I have Ebisu teaching Naruto. Please, Kei. She’s…young. Naive. She needs someone who will help her survive.”

She stares at him, unimpressed. She knows what he’s doing. “I can’t.”

“She’s civilian, Kei. She doesn’t have anyone.”

“She has you,” she snaps back. “You’re her sensei, not me.”

“And I’m trying to find her help. If she doesn’t improve, where do you think she’s going to end up.”

Kei winces at that. She knows what happens to genin who have no one looking out for them.

—–

He remembers meeting her. He was no longer drowning in his grief, but he was not living either. He was doing the same thing she’s doing now: trying to lose himself in the missions he was given and uncaring if he ever made it back. And then she tracked him down. She found him, even when he tried to hide and made a simple request that had nothing to do with all the things that had gone through his mind when he realized she was looking for him. She wanted to wear a mask like his. She wanted permission to do so. He stared at her for a moment, unsure where it was coming from and if she just wanted to cover the scars on her face until he met her eyes and recognized them. She had the same expression he had seen in the mirror for ages.

So he accepted.

He told her where she could purchase one, and how they would make it to fit her specifically. She thanked him, bowing even when he told her she didn’t need to and left. And Kakashi…well, he followed, curious now.

The next time he saw her, she was wearing a black mask and he could tell it had settled something in her. It was perfect. She still looked haunted, angry, and sad but slightly more confident. She looked like this would protect her. He just didn’t know what from.

The problem with living in a ninja village was that it was easy to lose people. It was easy to also come together. Few people seemed to live to old age. At 25, those in the same age range came together. At a bar. At funerals. Wherever they could. Whenever they could. Kakashi hadn’t grown up with most of them, but he had been on their teams, he had been a captain and he had been welcomed. He found her there as well.

It wasn’t hard to find out what happened. Her genin team had lost their sensei, an Inuzuka, on a mission gone wrong. They had been attacked by the Inuzuka hound after it had been placed under a terrifyingly strong genjutsu. They had lost their sensei as he saved them. They only survived because one found help. He was almost surprised they stayed in the village, but out of the three remaining on the team, only she moved past Chunnin. Only she climbed through the ranks to ANBU.

––

They arrive at the scene to a bloodbath.

Kazu is face down in the dirt. His dog is whining, nudging the body with its head. One of the genins is passed out, her arm nearly shredded. The other one is kneeling, covered in blood as she stabs the kunai over and over again into the chest of the man that’s down in front of her. She finally stops when she falls sideways. The team moves forward.

The missing-nin was from Grass. Expert in genjutsu. Kazu was dead. The girls were alive but barely, and the small amount of field med-ninjustu they had in their arsenal allowed them to try to stabilize them until they got back.

Ashi died on the way back to the village. The girls survived but they would scar. Physically. Mentally. They survived and the ten million Ryo bounty on the missing-nin’s head was awarded to them.

––

It’s by complete happenstance that she catches his eyes as the blade is pulled out. She smiles, a sharp relief that’s mixed with the pain. Of course. Of course, it would happen now. She falls back, imagining she hears her name called as she laughs. The world always had a cruel sense of irony. Why would it stop now?

––

“Mask-san!”

She continues, ignoring the voice. If someone doesn’t know her name, it’s not important.

“Miyahara-san.”

She stops. The voice is slightly unfamiliar but she turns to see who’s calling her. Everyone around her feels familiar. Hatake’s three genin are standing there with a man that she vaguely recognizes. “Yes?”

“Eh?” Uzumaki looks between them. “You know mask-san?”

The girl knocks him on the head. “That’s not her name!”

“Well, how am I supposed to know?!”

“Can I help you?” she cuts in before the argument can devolve further. The Uchiha kid has his arms crossed, looking unimpressed but he doesn’t leave.

“Miyahara-san,” the girl chimes up, stepping forward to draw her attention to her. “We’re looking for Kakashi-sensei. Have you seen him?”

“Again?” She looks down at them. “Are you supposed to be training?”

“We’re going on a mission!”

“Not a real one,” the Uchiha kid grumbles.

“Oh?” She looks up and catches the eyes of the man they’re with. She reaches out, focusing on him specifically when she feels it. She raises her eyebrows at him and he gives her a soft smile in return. That’s why he’s familiar. “What’s the mission?”

“We’re gonna find out what’s under his mask!” The Uzumaki kid says, pumping his fist in the air.

She glances at the man behind them, thankful for her own mask that’s hiding how funny she thinks this is. “Who’s this?”

“This is Sukea-san,” the pink-haired girl says.

“He’s gonna help us!” Uzumaki nearly yells again. “He’s gonna get a picture!”

“Is he now?”

There is a gleam in Sukea’s eyes that tell her he finds this as hilarious as she does. He must have a reason for it so she doesn’t press. At least, not yet. This is the funniest thing that’s happened to her in this village though.

“Ah, well, do you have a plan?”

“Do we!” Uzumaki lays out the detailed plan of following their sensei, of getting him to eat in front of them. Considering Kakashi had taught her how to eat quickly without getting caught with her mask down, she doesn’t think they’ll have much luck.

“Sounds like you have it covered. Good luck!”

“Yeah! And after we get Kakashi-sensei, we’re coming for you!” Uzumaki points at her. “What are you hiding?”

Kei stares at him for a moment reminded suddenly of all the times people have tried to reveal her face, all the times she’s been forced to before she unconsciously releases her killing intent. They flinch back.

“Sorry! Sorry!” they all apologize and she pulls back, realizing what she’s doing.

“No, shit, I’m sorry.” She tries to give them a smile before she glances at Sukea. He’s staring at her like he knows exactly what happened. There’s a slight question there and she nods back, silently telling him that she’s alright. “How about I make you a deal?”

That catches the kids' interest and they all perk up to hear it.

She grins slightly under her mask. “If you catch Kakashi without his mask, and bring me a picture, I’ll show you what’s under mine.”

“A picture?”

“You just want to see for yourself!” Uzumaki exclaims.

She waves him off. “I’ve seen his face. I just want the proof.”

“We’ll get it!” Uzumaki exclaims.

“Yeah!” the girl adds.

“You’ll see! Believe it!” The blond kid gives her a thumbs up.

“Better hurry then,” she says. “I leave tomorrow morning for a mission. You have until the end of today.”

The kids start talking about theories on where they can find Kakashi. She looks at the man with them who’s still watching her and she winks. He smiles back and she knows she doesn’t have to worry. They won't catch him.

––

She’s been up for 57 hours but she can’t stop. If she stops, she’ll die. She knows that. She’s taken too many pills and she’s bleeding out slowly but she keeps moving. She has to get home.

She runs through the main entrance and follows the closest sense of familiarity, of safety. She’s supposed to report when she gets in but she needs this. She needs help.

Kei nearly crashes into him and his team as they’re walking down a street. She stops just in time and pauses, catching sight of him and smiling because it’s okay. It’s okay.

“Kakas–” her vision goes dark and she’s falling before she can stop herself. She passes out as someone catches her.

—–

It takes her over a month before she finally regains control of her sensing. They called it a trauma response. It ate and ate at her chakra, slowing her healing but she could not stop.

When she finally takes back control, when she can finally settle it inside herself, turning it off until she chose to use it, she’s attuned to the chakra signatures of most people in the village. It makes it easy to find them, even if they’re trying to hide.

She develops a routine, every night, lacing out her senses to confirm that there is no one new. It takes her a year before she stops searching for those she does not recognize and watching them, ensuring they are not a threat.

Kei manages to stop. She manages to reign it in, only seeking the safety of her people before she sleeps. Until the invasion.

After that, Kei falls back into the habit.

––

“The target has…specific tastes. He targets those who are not visually appealing.”

The deformed, she thinks. The ones everyone else flinches from. It is a rare mission that demands the appearance of her scars. The Hokage does not hesitate in his insult.

She stands there and waits for the question.

“Will you accept?”

There is no answer but yes. Most of the other kunoichi in the Village do not have scars as visible as hers. It is drilled into them during their academy years that they are to ensure they are as spotless as they can be. It makes seduction missions easier. The only other who looks worse than she does is Aya. Aya who cannot use her arm in full capacity anymore. She refuses to let her team mate, her best friend, a third of her soul, fall into this trap. They have paid enough for this village in blood. There are few things left to give.

“I accept.”

––

She waits until most of the crowd leaves. She arrived late to the funeral, indecision warring in her. She wasn’t close with them, had barely interacted with her cousin outside of missions. Neither of them were entirely sure how they were related but it was likely. There were only a few people who shared their hair after all.

She finally moves and steps up beside her cousin. They stand there in silence for a long moment before Kei speaks. “I’m sorry.”

“Thank you.”

She wonders if she should leave, let her cousin grieve on her own. She jolts slightly when Yugao’s hand touches hers. It’s a question and an offer all in one and Kei does the only thing she can think of. She does what she would do if it was Aya reaching out to her. Kei grasps her cousin’s hand and holds tight.

––

Being a ninja meant facing death every day. It was nothing new. He had lost people before. He knows there were no promises in safety but in that moment, when he looks up and meets her eyes, the very moment the enemy was pulling out the blade in her stomach, something cracks. She smiles and laughs even as she falls. His opponent is dead before he even remembers moving and he’s calling her name, running to reach her. There’s a war going on but all he can see at that moment is her.

He can’t lose her. Not Kei.

––

There are rules about ANBU. Rules to keep them alive and slightly well functioning. Rules that include time away from the position. Kei is removed. She is told that she has been given leave and captains standard jounin missions. She hates it.

––

She stares down at this group of children. They are young. Too young. She can picture their bodies, broken and bloody when she blinks. She shoves it back.

“Nee-san,” Kiba greets. “I thought you were gone.”

“Nee-san!?” Uzumaki spins to look at Kiba. “You’re related?”

Kiba does not answer, instead he is watching her, looking uncharacteristically serious. She has seen many dinners with him rough housing with his sister. With his mother. It is always hard to look at Kiba, at any of his family, with the reminder of an empty place she had created.

“Kiba-kun,” she greets, ignoring the others. It’s hard to call him her cousin, or nephew. She does not deserve it, even though the clan accepted her team long ago as theirs. “I just returned.”

The kid crosses his arms and glares at her. “Does oka-san know?”

She winces. She’s avoided the family dinners as much as she could. “No.”

He grins, teeth flashing with smugness. “I’ll be sure to tell her.”

“Hold on!” Uzumaki cuts in. “Is that what you’re hiding?” He points at her. “The Inuzuka marks?”

“No. I’m not Inuzuka,” she says, ignoring the low growl from Kiba and Akamaru. “But we are close.”

“We’re family,” Kiba says. Years of being indoctrinated that pack is pack. Kei did not grow up in that but she has long ago stopped fighting Tsume on the fact.

––

It takes her a moment before she realizes what he’s doing. Something settles as she relaxes into him, letting him inhale her scent. She breaths him in return.

––

He finds her in the shower. Steam fills the room, the water is scorching, leaving her skin red and welted in areas but she continues to scrub at it. He reaches in, turning down the heat and strips until he is naked. He moves in, confident that she couldn’t hurt him even if she tried. He hopes she does. She needs an outlet. She needs to fight and make someone other than herself bleed.

He couldn’t be there for her. He couldn’t stop this. The village takes and takes and takes. Each mission scrapes them out from the inside and threatens to leave them a hollow shell that is waiting for the right moment for them to break or be broken.

How many have been unable to handle it? How many have run? How many of their companions have they hunted down on orders? Will it ever be enough?

She finally looks at him. Her gaze is hollow and the knowledge that she killed the one responsible for leaving her like this is not enough. He wants to tear them apart. He wants to rip off the hands that have touched her, even as she went willingly, for the good of their home.

He cannot though and she cannot refuse, will not when a refusal means that someone younger, someone weaker, may be given it instead. He picks up a cloth and some soap and under the cooling water, he gently washes her own blood off of her. He brings her back, slowly slowly slowly, and it’s when his hands are in her hair, washing away the remains, the smell of anyone else, that she finally starts to lose the tension that laces through her back and shoulders. She leans on him. He takes her weight, any way that he can. The only way they can survive is by trying to hold each other up, even as they’re all drowning together.

––

“Well, he’s crazy.”

She can’t help but listen to the conversation around her. The command of silence between ANBU members does not count when they are in Headquarters. Some take advantage of that. She knows who they’re talking about. Kei hasn’t spoken to Kakashi since the day she asked for permission to wear a mask like he does. It has been years. They don’t entirely run in the same circles. She does not seek others out aside from Aya and Seitaro and she’s avoided him when possible. Kakashi had a way of looking at her and making her feel exposed, like an open wound. She felt like he could see every part of her.

“They call him friend-killer.”

She moves without thinking.

Her hand is around their throat and she has them pinned to a wall. It’s remarkably easy considering they were fellow ANBU. They should be ashamed. “Don’t.” She says, her voice low and full of warning. “You have no idea what the truth is. You have no idea what he’s done or hasn’t done.”

“Hawk, let go.”

She tightens her grip. “The next time you talk shit about a commanding officer, you’ll have more to deal with than my hand on your throat.” She lets go. Kei half expects them to fall but they remain standing.

“Just because you’re spreading your legs for him doesn’t make it not true.”

She snaps. A punch doesn’t send them sprawling but it starts a fight. It continues until she’s dragged back.

“Stop! Get to the Commander,” someone snarls at her. The voice is slightly distorted behind the mask and it takes her a second to realize it’s her captain. “We’re ANBU. We’re better than this.”

She shrugs off their hold. “Tell them that.”

Two days later, Kakashi appears beside her as she’s walking to buy groceries. He follows as she continues on her errands, his face buried in a book. Neither of them say anything. This is how their friendship starts.

taglist: @raith-way @arrthurpendragon @zeleniafic @jvstjewels @veetlegeuse @chickensarentcheap @booty-boggins @residentdormouse @delicateblackrose @stanshollaand @cantfighthemoonknight @wordspin-shares @chrissymunson

#fic: the weight of all my sins #naruto fic #hatake kakashi x oc #kakashi x oc #oc: kei #i don't know what to tag this #this is a mess of scenes #future things to write #naruto fanfic

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