#single can of fruit... yeah that's a fucking plan

[imistyou2]

Nipple piercings. c.sb

pairing: sub!Soobin x Noona!reader

warnings: nsfw under the cut. boobie worshipping. unrealistic piercing healing time I know yall but #forthesakeoftheplot um ya that's about it soobin juss luvvvs yo titties hahaha. Gyu cameo as alwaysss

summary: Soobin is sweet and simple as vanilla and you're like a bottle of hot sauce! To spice up your sex life, his dear dear Noonim surprises him with nipple piercings.

This is part 2.2, you can read it as a stand-alone too

series masterlist

-

Soobin's never been much of an experimental man. He likes to keep things simple and follow a routine. He's been contempt of that too, he likes to think. It is rather easy to figure out that the younger man likes to stay in his little bubble of soobin-ism.

Eat, play games, and talk to friends, now a new addition is hanging out with his noona dearest and then sleeping. Simple, clean, and neat.

This pattern is reflected in many aspects of his life, including his sex life. In the many months you have been involved with Soobin, you've taken note of his quirks. How his body trembles when he's about to climax, what overstimulates him enough to cry, that he has an oral fixation (with your tit's specifically) and so on and so forth.

It always brings in great pleasure to 'make love' (a replacement for using "fuck" since he apparently doesn't like using that) with him but who are you if not trying to rile up the pliant man till he weeps at your mercy?

So, you've been devising, and planning! You even startled yourself with how much effort you were secretly putting into getting to know about Soobin's kinks and preferences. Yes, the sex was exceptionally good but it was very much vanilla ice cream! A classic for sure but could be spruced up. Stumbling on his Twitter by accident was what you considered to be a sign from God himself that you need to do something to take it to the next level.

It was no surprise Choi Soobin is a boob man, he might as well have a huge poster hung up on his walls saying "I LOVE TIDDIES" or something. This man did NOT play about boobs. Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, and Sunday- call him jungkook the way he was gonna be loving that thang seven days a week. He was serious about worshipping your breasts like they were sent by a messiah to unlock spiritual awakening.

And so it happened, for the past 3 weeks you have been avoiding getting down and dirty with him. Instead, the time was passed with Cafe dates and late-night movie marathons. The lack of dick was slowly getting to you but you persevered none the less. Some quote about the fruits of your labor or something but instead it was his reaction.

Soobin returned back to his dorm after a long day, not even flinching when he see's you laying on his bed reading one his mangas.

"Hey Soobs, how was class?"

"Ugh, don't get me started, Noona. My TA is the biggest B-word ever! This internship is not easy."

"She's a bitch?"

"Yeah, thats what I said."

"No, you said b-word!"

"You know I don't like to cuss at women like that...", you giggle as you get up from the bed, swinging your arms around his neck to pull him in. "Okay Mr. Nice Guy, what can I do to make you feel better?"

"Maybe watch Jujutsu Kai-"

"I have a better idea. How about we have some fun...?" You say, spreading your legs ever so slightly to reveal your exposed thigh.

His eyes widen tenfold, head darted up with excitement, "Really! I'm thinking we play League of Lege-"

You roll your eyes, pushing him off of you, he lands softly to your side on the bed. "No- baby, fun!"

He looks blankly at you, not a single thought rummaging his mind. "You wanna get food or something, Noona..?"

Losing patience, you grab his hand folding the sleeves up to his elbow. You bite your lips with a smirk, he looked the best in white shirts for sure. You take his hand and guide it under your shirt, fingers ghosting over your bralette. Something small pokes through but Soobin doesn't say much. His attention was stolen away the moment you took his hand. "I wanna do this kind of fun. Soobie...don't you wanna make you noona have fun? Hm?"

He gulps, Adam's apple bobbing deliciously, nodding.

"Take my bra off, will you?"

"Yes, Noona!"

He struggles a little with the hook of your bra, you honestly don't blame him since you're without a bra around 90% of the time with him. He noted that today was one of the rare days you wore a bra. Once the bra finally came off, the cold air conditioning of his room hit your breasts, perking them up even more.

Suddenly, Soobin jerks back with a muffled gasp. A finger raising slowly, one hand cupped in shock, he points at the two barbell rods that are sliding through your nipples. On the two sides are heart-shaped gems. Soobin peers closer, almost in a cautionary way, and as his eyes narrow in on the gems, he can make out a distinct S letter in each of them. He blinks twice.

Your heart speeds up in anticipation, his facial expression unrecognizable. "S-surprise...?"

"Y-you got them pierced?"

"Yeah... Do you not like it? I thought you liked pierc-" Your expression drops.

"Mmmph-" he kisses you deeply, a soulful exchange. His fingers dig into the sides of your waist, rubbing circles. "I love it-I love it- Noona, how did you even know?"

You chuckle, relieved. "Hm..just have my ways!"

He raises his brow. "Okay fine, I asked Beomgyu for your twitter and basically did a little stalking from there."

His lips curl into an adorable smile as he pecks your lips again.

"C-can I.. Y'know... touch?"

"You can do alot more just touch, Soobie."

"Really? Do they hurt? I don't wanna hurt you, Noona."

"Aw, my baby. Always worrying for me. They're almost healed. You can have it, just be gentle." your fingers twirl around your nipples a little, hissing slightly.

"No, Noona that looks like it hurts..."

"I like the pain hehe." He has a scandalous look on his face before finally giving a kitten lick to your hardened nipples. He looks intensely at the gems. "What does the S stand for?"

Your eyes look away, face turning slightly red. "What the fuck do you think it means?" you yell out, a lot more aggressive than you had intended.

"I-I I didn't wanna assume.."

"Sorry, yeah no, um, wanted to surprise you Soobin. Do you like your initial on me?"

Soobin will melt. Fuck, he wants to turn into putty. He has more important things to focus on right now, your tits to be specific. "Noona...they're beautiful." His fingers pinch on a nipple very softly, you whimper as the bundle of nerves get played with again and again. The piercing has started to heal pretty soon but it still felt a little raw and fresh.

Soobin's pink tongue flashed as he licked meticulously all around your breasts, from the sides to the piercing. The cool metal hit his tongue and he will not deny that it was weirdly satisfying especially when contrasted with your warm body.

He is still yet to suck on your nipples, you can tell he's nervous to do so since the piercing is still so new. The sting of pain is there but it transforms into pleasure when you see it's Soobin who is doing all these things to you.

You never really thought you'd get turned on by pain but I guess you live and learn, Soobin definitely is.

The very obvious tent in his pants was an indicator of how much he really liked these piercings. "Fuck, so good yeah, good job baby, making noona feel so good. You like making me feel good?"

He looks up from in between your breasts and nods before continuing. He could spend hours on end here if you let him.

"Noona I could be here the whole day just making you feel good. I love you...r tits noona!" Your eyes roll back in pleasure and pain, whimpers coming out.

He slowly backed up, a thin layer of sweat covering his face, eyes admiring your breasts once more. You look down and gasp at what you see. Red and blue bruises everywhere, littered throughout the expanse of your chest. "Soobin! I told you to go easy on that"

He smiles sheepishly, scratching his neck in feigning innocence. "You know I can't stop myself with you Noona.." he nudges you playfully.

Oh he wants to play dirty, you'll show him dirty.

"You're on Choi Soobin. I'll make sure you leave this room crying." you claw at his sweatpants.

"AH!"

Outside, in the living room, Beomgyu sits with a stoic face, dark circles, and some noise-canceling headphones which don't seem to really cancel much noise at all, wishing that you guys gave him a heads up so that he didn't have to spend his whole afternoon listening to you two canoodle and do the dirty.

"fuck my life."

-

a/n: uneditied

hiiiiiii my pookies

a lil surpise chapter cuz ive been feeling extra good lately and my school work is going well. that being said, part 3 will be out in feb so stay tuned ill tag the people who wanted to be in the taglist from part 3 as well.

stay sexyyyy

[medicinemane]

From what I can tell my mom also decided not to season the stir fry today... so cool... that's nice

[buckyalpine]

Here is a list of things that make me mad in no particular order. Angry ranting. Pls ignore this, I'm just screaming into the void. These example apply to very specific situations I've encountered with people who are perfectly capable of doing better.

People who lack common sense. Social awareness. Common courtesy. Saying "Oh my God, I'd never do that" when they've never been even close to said situation but they're now experts on how they'd act while sitting on their pristine Thoroughbred horse, sipping on English tea with their pink so high it may as well be in their nose.

People who say "Well I wouldn't care if it happened to me" or "I'm just being honest" when you point out something they did/said.

When autocorrect/spellcheck decides it cannot for the life of it figure out what you're trying to spell OR it gives you suggestions for every word under the sun except the one you want. All you did was leave out a single letter with the rest of it spelled perfectly and spellcheck decides to go into a coma. So you fix the mistake and the little squiggly red line goes away. Fuck you.

Gnats. WTF is you're problem. I've Googled this shit cause I want to know why tf you can't just fly straight, why do you have to buzz all over the damn place near my head of all places.

Flies. Same thing as above. Why tf can't you just fly straight. WHY NEAR MY EAR. You have the entire world and you decided my room is the place to be? And now we're both miserable because you keep hitting yourself against the window after noticing your grave mistake. I leave the door wide open but you want to keep body slamming the glass.

Giving me life advice on something you know nothing about.

People who don't love their pets. Yeah, you take care of them but you do it as a chore and then complain about it. Those little fur babies deserve it all, give them the best or don't have pets at all.

Holier than thou attitude.

People who laugh at those who are visibly upset and tell them they're being too sensitive.

Allergies. IDK Why tf my body acts surprised as hell every single spring. It's just fucking pollen. Why are you trying to fight it. Do you understand that in your brilliant plan to try and fight the little evaders you actually make me want to end it all because my nose is itching and my eyes are watering and I can't breathe. Food allergies are another level of bullshit. I'll never forget the day this one girl tells me she wished she had allergies? Like it makes you special, mf what??? She was being serious too.

Thin, straight, fine black hair. Can't do anything with it. It doesn't hold hairstyles, doesn't curly, gets heavy as soon as you use any product and 90% of the time it just looks like Snape cosplay. Ask me how I know

Parents who buy their very young children shoes with laces. This is inconvenient for all of us. why tf would you do this when Velcro exists. Your 4 year old doesn't need laces when they have no clue how to even eat cheese with their crackers, mf why did you buy this shoe for them?!

Bananas. Hate them with a burning passion. The smell. The texture. I hate the peel is left out and about like it isn't making the entire room smell. Don't even get me started on banana breath. (Keep in mind this is not me saying I think they're gross. I wish I liked them because they're a super convenient snack and very healthy)

People who lie and say you can't taste the banana in a smoothie. Yes, I can. You always can. You can have 1000lbs of any fruits and that single banana will still stand out.

People who don't understand mental illness/ act ignorantly to those suffering.

Big companies who ask you to donate to stuff. You're going to use this as a tax write off, stfu.

Inflation.

People who laugh at others for not knowing something. Maybe that thing had 0 relevance to their life. Maybe they learned about that because they were taught something else. Either way, how is it funny.

People who laugh at those learning a new language. You're the fucking worst. They are LEARNING. Let them get used to the pronunciation, let them get accustomed to sentence structures, let them make mistakes without being embarrassed. You're the embarrassing one cackling you're damn ass off while they're trying to do something new. You're discouraging them from wanting to continue because you feel the need to be an asshole.

People who make everything a serious debate/conversation.

People who steal. Not out of necessity but just because they can. I'll never forget overhearing this group of kids in my high school bragging and laughing their asses off over how much candy they stole from other kids. They also stole phones. These were not troubled kids mind you, they were doing this for shits and giggles.

Eczema. So fucking itchy, why can't skin just act right. It feels awful, looks awful and just comes and goes as it pleases.

People who clown you for who you find attractive. Why. If I find this person attractive, what in the ever loving flying fuck does it have to do with you. It's just so unnecessarily rude. I don't even get how its funny or why you find it okay to call someone ugly as if this is something they personally have control over.

I'm going to add more to this list.

[lara4eclipze]

“Better than me?”

sypnosis; "she was cute you know?" Megan chimes , "oh so she's better than me?" the older replied snarkly

cw; smut , mean Dom Sophia, sub Megan , fuckbuddies , sorta toxic , recent fics flopping 😔... , might be my last smut for this month cuz I'm planning out a smau....(still not sure tho) , short maybe less than 1k words!

being in a girl group was fun and enjoyable I mean you get to meet thousands of people who love and support you , the downside was freedom

ever since becoming a part of katseye every single member had been personally talked to about the rules and what the contract inscript

no dating , no posts on social media without managers looking thru them , no wearing clothes that were not yet approved by management and the list goes on

it was hard — they were teenagers and obviously they also had feelings , yet to protect their image they had to not date publicly..

—★

resulting in members being in relationships with each other it started with lara and manon — at first it was them being close to each other , suggestive jokes until they got caught kissing each other whilst in manon's room

but megan didn't want a relationship, it was exhausting , combat that with training and constant changes of schedule it wasn't gonna work

but when times like this was happening she couldn't help it , imagine seeing your members be touchy and feeling up to each other— especially sophia god damn that woman

she always held megan close the way her hands wrapped around the younger's waist has her subconsciously pressing her thighs together — the way her fingers trace Megan's tummy and her plump lips that was like a forbidden fruit

—★

"I dunno maybe you should ask her" dani responds to the ginger

"but I don't think she'll approve of that!—i mean how am I gonna ask that?" megan says her voice was like a scream

"you never know.." dani says standing up form the beanbag on the floor to walk out the room

now left with her thoughts and prayers megan decided it's now or never

—★

knocking on the leaders door megan enters greeted by sophia organizing her stickers

"hey" she softly greeted

"hi baby what do you need?" the older replied

fuck,her hands got sweaty , her heartbeat going so fast it probably will explode — calm down you want her to know this right?

"so you know uh- lara and uhm manon right?" Megan stammered

"what about them?" sophia replied her eyebrows raising out of pure concern

"and you know they kinda started as fuck... buddies?— well I was wondering if we can uhm"

"oh you want that with me?"

"yes..?" megan closes her eyes only to feel Sophias hands on her jaw

"okay—if that's what you really want" sophia nods at her kissing her cheeks

—★

and thats how it started — as ashamed megan felt for even asking that or thinking about it she's happy that she tried

yet something will always go wrong , sophia was very possessive over megan , ever since the agreement, she would practically pry off Megan off any other member when they were being clingy or even just talking

—★

NYC was a big city , with loads of interesting places to go to , so the girls decided to go out and have fun

I mean they did have a comeback soon so they atleast had to rest and have fun before that

spotting an ice cream shop yoonchae excitedly told the rest of the girls whom all agreed on having ice cream

"I want choco chip!" yoonchae exclaims

"we'll have a rocky road" manon says signaling to her and lara

"I would like strawberry please" dani grins

"and you megan?" sophia asks as she listed down all the orders in her notes app

"do they have caramel?" megan asks , as she looks at the leader

"yeah , okay sit down I'll order" sophia says to which the girls follow sitting down on the corner booth if the store

"would that be all?" the cashier asks

"yes! and maybe extra tissues aswell" the leader nods and smiles

—★

as their order number got called megan volunteered to get the ice cream, she earned nods from the members

"thank you so much" megan smiles her dimples showing

the cashier was smooth with it she didn't even know how it happened but now she was giving her number to her

"you're really pretty!—maybe we can talk more I guess you have to go right?" the cashier says

"oh definitely!—heres my number" megan says blushing, she shows her phone

as she walk back to the table she couldn't even pretend not to notice sophia staring at her , her brows furrowed

"ooh what was that Megan" daniela teases

"I dunno — she just asked for my number" megan shrugs , as the other members continue teasing her

"and you gave your number to her?" the leader cuts

"yeah?—i mean she's cute" megan says , skeptical about the leaders reaction

—★

as the girls wind down in the dorms megan had this nagging feeling of something will go wrong—sophia has been off ever since the ice cream shop

was it because of the cashier?—or maybe she's too naive how deep sophia's possessiveness goes for her

deciding to know megan knocks on the leaders door , only for the door to open right away with sophia pulling her in

—★

"what was that about" sophia starts her voice was authoritative , stern and not anything like normal

"what was what?" megan replies confused

"oh you know damn well—why would you give your number to her?" sophia snaps

"shes cute you know?" megan replies, she wanted a reaction out of the older — and she was gonna get it

"oh so she's better than me?" the older replied snarkly

the olders eyes blazed , megan gulps — barely processing it sophia already had her pinned against the wall roughly making out with her

the older bit megan's lips for access, which she granted after whimpering

"you're mine fuckin remember that" she spits out as her hands tighten around megan's neck causing the younger to see stars

she continues her rough handling and removes megan's clothes pinching the younger breasts , she does the same to herself shedding off her clothing and leading them to bed

sophia grabs a scarf and ties it around megan's hands keeping her immobile

"so pretty for me" sophia says her long nails trailing around the youngers stomach down to her thighs

she stands up and walks to her closet pulling out her strap

oh fuck

sophia straps it in , seeing how megan dripped onto the bed, clenching on air as she waits for what's next

sophia walks back kissing down the youngers face , her fingers on megan's clit stimulating her before pushing in the whole length of the strap in megan

"fuck!" megan whines her legs wrapping around sophia urging the older to go faster and she did pounding into Megan like her life depended on it

"you like that whore?" sophia says in between her gasps and groans

"mhm-ye-yes!" megan replies as tears fell onto her cheeks due to pleasure

"your cunt so fucking desperate huh?" sophia says , as she felt megan tighten around her

megan didn't know and didn't care either way she felt so good

"close!" megan screams , as her orgasm crashes on her , her legs getting weak and her heartbeat going slower

afterwards sophia pulls out with a wet sound , her hands untying megan's

"I love you" sophia whispers as megan's eyes fluttered close

"I love you too" megan mumurs

[moonspirit]

Hi Moon :3

What do you think of AruAni bakery date?

Like where Armin just takes Annie out to lunch in the tiniest pastry shop in town?

Fluff will 100% ensue!

🥲

Nevermind fluff, I think Armin's gonna get poisoned by too much sugar.

Because come the fuck on, what is a bakery date if he isn't being a lovey-dovey boyfriend and accepting cutesy-sized bites of cake and pudding from his very excited girlfriend?! Like, that's tHE boyfriend dream!

(half of the reason he's taking Annie to this bakery because she'll love it, the other half is because he's excited to be romantically spoonfed)

It goes well! They're cuter than the icing on the display cakes! They get a tiny table by a corner where Armin can coax Annie into cuddling close as she orders off the menu. And can you imagine the look on HER face?! It's the girl's DREAM. He's even telling her to get whatever she likes! Diabetes heaven! The first dish comes - some kind of milk pudding that looks like a cat and almost too cruel to eat, but hell to the fuck yeah, she's picking up a spoonful and looking at him expectantly and with a slight blush, "Wanna try a bite?"

In public! Hallelujah!

T////T Armin's positively floating off to space now.

It's still good after that tho! She gets whipped cream on her nose and he licks it off. She gets sugar on her lips and he kisses it off! She's so happy and blushy and purring with contentment and Armin is mentally formulating his 12-step marriage proposal plan (ring included).

But listen... listen, it soon backfires because he doesn't realize - Annie's hellbent on trying every single thing they have in that bakery, and though it means he continues to get tiny bites of whatever thing arrives on the table like the star boyfriend he is, it also means... he's feeling sick with all that sugar.

"Hmm, now I think I'll get the Mango Foam Cosmic Shoedust Ginger Puree Health Hazard Fruit Salad."

He's terrified. Does it really have mango in it? Only Ymir knows. 500 grams of sugar in a single scoop and a guaranteed dentist appointment. An abomination, but Annie's looking at him like THIS:

He's poisoning himself for her, confirmed. RIP.

[harlowsbby]

With U 💘

Requested, a rainy valentine’s day spent inside I feel like jack would go above and beyond to still make it great.

“Dammit.” Jack cursed as he looked at the weather notification that had just been sent to his phone.

It was Valentine’s Day the day of love but unfortunately it looked like the two of you would be spending your Valentine’s Day indoors. It was meant to be raining all day today with severe thunderstorms.

It was around seven in the morning when Jack had woken up and saw the weather outside, he planned for the two of you to have a little romantic picnic but he figured if you couldn’t have the picnic outside that he’d bring it inside.

He saw that you were still fast asleep so he made his way downstairs to set everything up.

He took the picnic basket from out the garage and even packed it with a few sandwiches, chips, fruit and cookies.

When he was finished he made his way into the living room and moved apart the couches and started laying down blankets and pillows and put the picnic basket in the middle on the floor.

“You’re so in love it isn’t even funny anymore.” Ace’s voice came from the speaker of Jack’s phone.

“He really is because if it was me the whole day would’ve been ruined.” Urban spoke. Jack rolled his eyes at his friends and paid them no mind.

In the middle of setting everything up Urban and Ace ended up calling Jack to see what he was doing.

“You both are just jealous and hate the fact that I’m in love and you both aren’t.” He said.

“Whatever I don’t need a woman.” Ace mumbled. “We’re team single over here.” Urban added on and Jack simply rolled his eyes.

“Should I lite a few candles? Or is that doing too much.” He asked and stood back to observe and look at everything he set up so far.

Jack was a perfectionist he’d spend hours on something till he thought it was perfect.

“I’d say just a few.” Jack placed a few lit candles above the fireplace and took the rose petals he had bought and tossed them around the living room.

He placed your gift next to the basket along with a bottle of sparkling cider, neither of you drank so sparkling apple cider was the go to drink for the night.

“Wow, you actually did a good job.” Ace said and Jack went to thank him but stopped when he heard footsteps approaching.

“She’s up I’ll call you guys back.” He quickly said and rushed them off the phone.

Urban snorted. “Yeah fucking right I’m sure by the end of the week I’ll find out if I’m going to be an uncle or not.” Urban joked.

“You need to be finding out if you’re going to be the one making me an uncle.” Jack said making him Urban got mute.

“He got your ass.” Ace laughed and Jack chuckled and quickly hang up the call.

“Jack?” You called out for him as you made it downstairs. “I’m in the living room babe.” He called out to you.

When you made it into the living room you stopped in your footsteps upon seeing the dimly lit room, the rose petals everywhere and the picnic basket.

“You did all of this?” You grinned and he smiled and nodded.

“I sure did when I woke up this morning the news app said it would be raining all day with severe thunderstorms so I brought the picnic to us.” He smiled ear to ear.

“You’re so sweet.” You coo’d and made your way to him when you were finally in arms reach he brought you into him.

“Happy Valentine’s Day babe.” You smiled and looked up at him. “Happy Valentine’s Day Jack.”

Jack pulled back and looked down at you a small and silly grin played at the corner of his lips. “Can I kiss you?” You smiled. “Of course, you know you don’t have to ask.”

Before you knew it he was crashing his lips onto your lips he put one of his hands on the back of your neck and pulled you closer if that was even possible.

You wrapped your arms around him and started kissing back passionately he smiled into the kiss which made you smile as well.

He pulled away slowly and rested his forehead against your forehead. “I love you.” He said with the biggest smile.

“I love you too Jack.” Even though you were a bit bummed out you couldn’t spend your day outside. You appreciated the face that Jack was still was able to make up for it.

[interstellarlyinlove]

Gold (June 5th)

word count: 650

@wolfstarmicrofic

“You know how you believe everything Trelawney says?” Sirius says instead of 'hello', sitting in the empty chair in front of Regulus.

Regulus’ head is hurting from his homework and he’s bored out of his mind so he decides to entertain this. And he does believe everything Trelawney says. “Sure.”

“Well, she told me that I’m going to find the love of my life soon.”

“Professor Trelawney said that?” Regulus asks bluntly

“Well, not in so many words, but that was the gist of it.”

“Are you sure that was the gist of it, Sirius?”

“Yes,” Sirius says. “Anyway. I need the Slytherin common room password please.”

Regulus scoffs. “What does that have to do with anything we’re talking about?”

Sirius blinks. “I figure true love isn’t just going to fall from the sky into my lap. I have to seek it to find it, like most things.”

“Okay, let me rephrase that. You need the Slytherin common room password to… find true love?”

Sirius nods. “It’s the single hardest thing in my life that my other half wears silver and green instead of red and gold, but you win some and some fuck you over, right?”

Regulus blinks. “Who the fuck do you like in Slytherin? Is it Severus? Is that why you pull his pigtails at the park?” Sirius’ eyes widen and Regulus’ facade breaks. He laughs. “I am only joking, brother. As if there is someone that doesn’t know that you’re in love with Remus.”

Sirius has hearts instead of eyes. “Yeah.”

“I’m not giving you shit.”

“You’d be standing in the way of fate, Reg,” Sirius says. “You’d be–”

“You and Remus spend too much time together, anyway. Why do you need–”

“I don’t want it to be casual,” Sirius blurts. “I thought casual would be great. But how can you spend that much time with Remus and not want it to be–”

“Okay, I get it,” Regulus interrupts. He really doesn’t want to hear more about his brother and his best friend being together. He’d rather not know. He sighs. “Did you tell him this?”

Sirius shakes his head. 

“Are you going to?”

Sirius nods. “I wasn’t planning on saying anything. But then Trelawney–”

“What did Trelawney say, exactly?”

“That I’m going to find my missing puzzle piece. Do you not listen when I talk?”

His missing puzzle piece. Regulus is going to barf. “You speaking to Remus really isn’t finding anything. You’ve known him since you were eleven years old. You almost let the Sorting Hat put you in Slytherin so you would be in the same house. You spend all your time–”

“No, wait a second. How do you know the Sorting Hat thing?”

“I read through your journals when you were being an ass in fourth year. You’re a run-on sentence lover, Sirius. You really should work on that.”

“You–” Sirius whacks Regulus’ head. “That’s not okay!” 

“You really considered Slytherin because you thought his scars were cool?”

“Remus’ scars are cool,” Sirius says. Regulus silently agrees. “You’re horrible. I can’t believe you went through those.”

“I can’t believe you’ve been in love for six years and only decided to do something about it because of Professor Trelawney.” 

“That’s not fair. Trelawney has a way with words.”

“No, she doesn’t,” Regulus says. “In fact, her lack of a way with words is why most people think she’s a fraud with no–”

“Will you tell me the damn password or not?”

“What password?” Remus asks. Regulus saw him approaching their library table but he didn’t say anything. Sirius jumps in his chair when Remus speaks and Regulus is rewarded for his patience. 

Regulus says hello to Remus and walks away from that table as fast as he can. He really doesn’t want to hang around for the rest of that. 

Trelawney really is something else. Regulus decides he’ll get her a fruit basket. 

[blacklegsanjiii]

•°♤°• Read a Zosan fic where every single male (Except for the male Strawhats; compliments here and there) is attracted to Sanji and I'm so here for that. But think, what would happen if this thing happened in the ASL x Sanji or God AU? That would be so fuking funny and hilarious that alot of men are down bad for this beautiful blond cook with blue eyes with muscular legs and a gable waist.

I would also like to add for the God au that before Sanji lost his godly status and life, he placed the inability to all DF users to be unable to swim. This is their punishment because of what the WG did to the gods (Ex: Sabo, Ace, and Luffy).

First: Yeah, Sanji was fucking pissed and absolutely told the Elders and the World Government to get fucked during the void century and wrapped his most prized creations, amalgamations with the god of life, taking the ability to swim away. If they want to fuck with the gods the gods will fuck right back. Sanji was more than giving, he gave far more than he was worshipped which led to his followers always singing their praises to the ocean, so after the void century his followers were distraught to find the fruits, now called devil fruits because if you eat one you have betrayed the ocean, betrayed him. He is a god who forgives easily, you just need to give it back, it only costs your life. His partners had never seen the god so enraged because he used to bestow fruits to those were so utterly devoted to him or his fellow gods. Now? It doesn't matter if all three of his husbands have eaten a fruit, Ace and Sabo were old enough to remember what happened, Luffy might not have been but it doesn't matter, they do not get leeway either. It's probably a really fucking dark joke he makes despite how often he does save them, just grins at them and says he could always get his fruits back if they want to swim so bad. Sabo didn't eat a fruit in this from what I can find so Sabo spears Sanji overboard quite a bit to avoid his brothers.

I did read that fic as well I think? But like could you imagine the crew are meeting the other gods for whatever reason(how much do you think it would fuck with the romance dawn trio if Buggy was a god? Or the Cross Guild and Shanks?) And a lot of the gods and others are just flirting with Sanji. Nothing new, he's a handsome guy. He is married though, he has the marks from his godly spouses claiming him just as they do from him. Buggy is ruffling their hair and avoiding Luffy because he can't play nice with the god of luck and travelers in this life. Buggy looks at Zoro and just goes 'oh no, poor baby' and does nothing to fix his sense of direction because Buggy is a trickster god, tell me otherwise. Sanji is of course used to striking deals with the clown in past lives for the wayward travelers but also Buggy redirects so many gods from Sanji and tells the blond to quit being born pretty and Sanji rolls his eyes.

There's gods left and right grabbing Sanji and Buggy is sending body parts whenever Zoro and Luffy are distracted by some other god of whatever as they plan their assault on the Elders. The crews are fucking weirded out by the sheer godly power in front of them and how close the gods are to each other. Also Mihawk has to be digging deep into himself to find out the weakling of the Roger pirates is the god of luck and travelers and distracting so many gods from his normal waiter from Baratie who is the god of the ocean. Also Buggy keeps riling up Luffy and splitting apart to escape the sun god. Also he distinctly remembers Ace showing off his godly body at Marineford and watches him shoot off with the blond a few times. Sabo, the chief of staff for the revolutionaries for heaven's sake straight up attacks several gods for getting too handsy with his husband. Mihawk calls Shanks later and asks if he knew Buggy was a god like Luffy or Ace and the silence from Shanks on the other end of the denden is very telling as Crocodile is screaming next to him about how many gods there are and the strawhat crew has. This is a true test of will for them.

(I just had to make buggy the god of luck and travelers it's so him I'm not sorry)

[the1975attheirverybest]

ILYMTYEK

A/N: Matty and Amelia’s first Valentines Day.

Warnings: none.

***

Matty could smell the scent of Amelia’s body lotion as she climbed into bed next to him, going through her bed-time skincare routine while he tried to make it to the end of the chapter of the book he was reading before she’d turn the lights off.

His subconscious has come to associate that scent with sleep, cuddles, and the intimate feeling of her body in his arms. He found himself inexplicably softening and relaxing any time that lotion would come out.

She leaned to the side and planted a quick, light kiss to his cheek as she slid her legs under the covers, pausing a moment to admire how beautiful he looked with glasses on, “night, Matty.” She whispered sweetly.

Fuck the rest of this chapter. He couldn’t wait to wrap his arms around her and get under the covers to nuzzle her. He set his book down, took his glasses off, and turned the light off.

She giggled, “tickles!” When he rubbed his beard against her skin, pressing their bodies impossibly close together.

“You’re so soft.” He whispered, sighing contentedly, as he settled into the bed. “And you smell so nice. Like passion fruit.”

“It’s my lotion.”

He already knew that.

“Did you have a good day, today?” She turned around in his arms to press her lips to his, tickling stray strands of hair behind his ear.

“It was alright.” He shrugged, “Slow work at the studio. Missed you loads.”

Amelia blushed, smiling, and wondered if she would ever get used to hearing him say that.

“What’d you do today?” He asked, sleepily, his eyes fluttering shut as her fingers ran through his hair.

“Not much. Just revised some designs. Might be coming to work for your label again soon.”

“Oh?”

“Yeah. Been asked to help out with the newer artists, and….i don’t know. Might say yes.”

“You should!” Matty said instantly, his eyes still closed, eyebrows raised expressively. “That way we’d see each other more. Might even be in some meetings together.”

She giggled. “I don’t know how wise it would be to plan career moves like we plan dates.”

Her words seemed to awaken him from the edge of sleep. He jolted in her arms. His eyes suddenly flung open. “Speaking of which!” He whispered loudly. “What’re we doing for Valentine’s Day?”

“Didn’t know you were the Valentine’s Day type. Thought you’d moan about how it’s some kind of capitalist scam designed to commodify the one thing that should remain sacred between humans or whatever.”

Matty laughed silently, shaking his head. “You make me sound like a joy to be around.”

“What can I say? I like my men like….like- wankers.”

“Oh fuck off!” He kissed her cheek. “For your information, I do think it’s a capitalist lie. But it’s an excuse to make time and effort to be with you. And I do love you. So, I will gladly participate in this dehumanizing corporate ritual.”

“How romantic.” She teased.

“Seriously, Amelia. I want us to have a perfect first Valentine’s Day. So, tell me what you’d like. Let’s do something together.”

***

Matty offered George his cigarette lighter, reclining his chair backwards and putting his feet up on the computer desk.

“And then she said,” he pulled the cigarette off his lips, “that she’s never celebrated Valentine’s Day before.” Matty announced, baffled, “can you believe that?”

George cupped the flame and tilted his head down to bring the tip of the cigarette to the fire. “Hmm.” He took a long drag, a puff of smoke filling his line of vision.

“She said she’s either been single most Februarys, or, in a new-ish relationship where it’s too early to do anything serious. So….” Matty’s hands flailed in the air.

“So, what’s the plan, then?”

“I don’t fuckin know! It’s why I’m asking you. It’s not just- our first valentines. It’s her first ever valentines.”

“Right.” George closed his eyes, his brows crossed, in deep thought. “Could go the classic route: dinner at a fancy restaurant. Get dressed up. Reservations. Nice piece of jewelry. Roses and chocolate and all that. Failproof plan.”

Matty groaned in disgust. “Cliche. Boring. Predictable. Trite.”

“Alright, alright. Fine. You don’t like it. I get the idea. Don’t have to piss all over it.” George shifted in his seat, stretching his legs out in front of him. “How about….something more lowkey and intimate. Night in at home, perhaps? You can still do flowers and candles and all that shit. Just the two of you together the whole night.”

Matty shurgged. “So…average Tuesday night?”

George rolled his eyes. “Weekend getaway, then?”

“Too dramatic.”

“Fine, write her a song.”

“What are we? Fifteen?”

George scratched the back of his head. “I don’t know, Matty. Ignore each other on opposite ends of the couch and fall asleep in front of the tv like a retired old married couple? Do whatever you like! I’m sure it’ll be fine as long as you’re trying. That’s the point isn’t it?”

Matty scoffed. “Useless.” He pulled out his phone. “I’m asking Hann.”

“Sure. Ask the boring married man.”

“Well, he’s been married a while. He’s obviously done something right.” Matty shrugged.

“He’ll tell you to cook her dinner and stay in. Mark my words.”

“Sounds kinda nice actually.”

George stared at his friend, incredulous. “Isn’t it what I JUST suggested?”

“ still. Gotta check with Hann.”

“Well, you better do it somewhere else cuz Amelia’s coming to meet with me in a bit.”

Matty’s eyes darted from his phone screen to George’s face. “What? Why?”

“Told you she’s designing the thing for the album I’m producing.”

“Right….right. Text me when she’s gone?” Matty walked over to the door, placing the phone to his ear and waiting for it to ring.

“Mhm.”

***

“Well, so? Did you get it?” Amelia whispered, leaning in close, even though they were the only two people in the studio.

George rolled his chair away from the desk, to the other end of the room, unlocking a discrete drawer. “Yup. Here it is. One, extremely rare, 1973 recording of Donny Hathaway, ‘I Love You More Than You’ll Ever Know.’” He smiled, wide, “Matty’s gonna lose his fuckin mind.”

“You’re a lifesaver, George. I owe you one. For real.”

“Nonsense.” He waved her off. “Just, erm….dont forget to send me the video of his reaction. I need it for a….lets call it an ‘independent project’ of mine.”

Amelia giggled. “You got it. Thank you, seriously. You’re the best.”

George nodded, wheeling himself back to the desk. “So? Do you know how you’re going to surprise him with it?”

Her eyes twinkled with pride. “Fuck yeah. I’ve made a special reservation at his favorite place. I’m taking him to dinner. Wining and dining and all that. Just when he thinks the night is over…I’ll pull it out. He’ll have no idea what hit him.”

***

Matty winced as he brought the ladle up to his lips for a quick taste. “I know! I’m sorry! I know you’re at dinner. I’m trying to be at dinner, too. But I think- I think I might have fucked it.” He, sighed, exasperated. “I- just- don’t think the sauce is meant to be bubbling quite as- mum, please! Turn on your camera I’ll show you.” He tapped his own camera in return, focusing it on the sauce pan in front of him.

Denise laughed, saying something about how he should’ve turned the stove off fifteen minutes ago.

“It’s not funny! This never would’ve happened if you’d let me come over and practice last week like we said- fuckin hell….well- do I- start over- I-“

“Matthew, breathe. You’re going to hyperventilate.”

“Well….It’s a good thing the gift I got her is perfect. By the end of the night she just might forgive me for this d disgusting dinner.”

“Pop the chicken in the oven, and just re-make the sauce. It won’t take too long! Fifteen minutes. LOW heat. No more; no less.”

“Right, right.” Matty nodded. “Fifteen minutes.” He echoed his mother’s instructions. “Fuck! I think- I think I just heard her come in. I’ve got to go. Bye now. Lots of love. Have fun at dinner. Say hello to everyone!”

Amelia walked through the door, greeted by an arrangement of teacup candles that flickered warmly, shining her way into the dining room. Her heart melted at the bouquet of flowers that stood at the center of the table. She clutched the record inside her bag closer to her chest, smiling to herself. She set her bag down, pulling out a bouquet of her own, and blushing in anticipation.

“Matty?” She called out his name as she approached the kitchen, hearing, in response, the banging sound of pots and pans, followed by her boyfriend’s incoherent cursing. She rushed into the kitchen. “Matty? Are you alright?”

“No! No! No! I- I mean yes! Just don’t- fuck!”

Running inside, she was relieved to find him unharmed standing in the middle of the kitchen, with freshly washed pots and pans at his feet.

“Was just putting away some dishes and- oh.” He paused when he saw her walk in. “What’ve you got there?”

“These? Oh, these are for you.” Amelia straightened her posture, walking slowly over to him. “Flowers and chocolate.” She giggled, suddenly feeling foolish. “Gosh. Is that….stupid? I just- I don’t know. I figured men don’t usually get gifted stuff. They’re the ones doing the gifting on days like today, so- god that sounds so fuckin-“

“Perfect.” Matty blurted out, placing a hand on her arm. “It’s perfect. I’m- so- I don’t even know what to say.” He stammered. “Th-thank you.”

“Really? You promise you’re not just saying that to spare me the humiliation?”

He chuckled; shaking his head. “Not at all. Nobody’s ever gotten me flowers and chocolate before! Feels nice to be spoiled like that.”

He took the flowers and chocolate out of her hands, setting the bouquet down and instantly digging into the box of chocolates. “Does it say, on the thing, which ones are which? Or do I have to bite into them to go find out?”

“Wait! Don’t eat that-“

“Too late. I think this one’s got some raspberry in it or something… it’s good! Try it?” He brought the remaining piece up to her lips.

She accepted the taster, licking her lips. “I just meant don’t fill up on chocolate. We’ve got dinner plans.”

Matty’s brows furrowed. He wondered if they’d made a commitment that he’d somehow forgotten about. “We…hmm?”

She grinned, excitedly. “I made reservations!”

“What?! No! I- made dinner. Well, I’m making dinner…I hope I am, anyway… but- erm… if you’d rather go out- I guess I could just- it’s fine-“

“Oh- Matty.” She looked around the kitchen, finally, realizing what she’d interrupted. “You didn’t have to! It’s fine. I’m fine. We don’t HAVE to go out. I just figured you’d want to, that’s all.”

Matty felt conflicted. He’d been so caught up in trying to surprise her that he hadn’t considered whether or not she’d have different expectations.

“Oh. I mean- no. It’s fine either way. I guess I’d imagined that we’d just - have a night for just us, you know? Everyone’s probably out at dinner tonight- it’s-“

“No, you’re right. Let’s- you’ve already gone through the trouble of making stuff for us- let’s just do your thing. I’ll call and cancel.”

“Are- you sure?”

“Yeah, yeah. Of course. Wanna have dinner with you. Here. Now.”

She kissed him.

***

“Erm…Amelia? Darling? Have- have you made that call yet? Cuz if not….you might want to keep those reservations after all….i think- I might have burned our dinner.”

All the way from the bedroom, Amelia could only vaguely make out the word “burned,” but it was enough to alarm her and send her sprinting into the kitchen. “What happened? Are you okay?”

“I’m fine, I promise. The chicken isn’t though….”

Amelia chuckled as she looked down at the dish that Matty had just pulled out of the oven. “What on earth happened to this poor chicken?”

Matty shrugged. “I feel like I did everything the instructions told me to. But, erm, I’ve obviously gone wrong somewhere.”

***

Amelia plopped down onto the couch next to him. “App says pizza is on its way.”

Matty looked down at his feet in shame, nodding in silence. “I’m sorry I ruined our night.” He mumbled.

“You did not! You’ve been so thoughtful and sweet-“

“Don’t have to lie to my face about it.”

“I’m not lying!” She placed her hand on top of his, squeezing it gently. “Look at all these candles you lit up for us. And the table that you set. The flowers? They’re so cute. Nobody’s ever done that for me before! I love it! Really!”

A weak smile gradually made its way onto Matty’s face. Those were still not the standards that he’d hoped to measure his success by, but he was glad that she felt appreciated.

“Besides! I still have one more trick up my sleeve.” Amelia announced.

“Oh yeah?”

“Mhm. I got you a present!”

He laughed. “Well; so did I.”

“Shall we open them? To lighten the mood?”

The light finally returned to Matty’s eyes. “Yes, yes, okay! I’ll go get mine. You go get yours. We’ll meet back here on this couch, yeah?”

“You go first!” Matty squealed, his legs bouncing, barely able to contain his excitement.

Amelia laughed, kissing him softly. “You’re so cute when you’re excited like that.” She took the gift from his hands. “It’s fine either way cuz I’m pretty sure my gift is going to blow yours out of the fuckin water.”

Matty rolled his eyes, feeling his competitive instincts kick in. “No it won’t. Just open it and see for yourself!”

Amelia’s hands delicates untied the sleek ribbon, already thinking about how she planned to save the wrapping paper forever. She found the taped up corner to undo with as little damage to the wrapping as possible, slowly, cautiously, unveiling her gift. It only took her one peak at what’s inside to burst out into a fit of uncontainable laughter.

“What?” Matty demanded, eyes darting between her and the present. “What’s happened? What’s so funny? Why’re you laughin??”

Amelia attempted to swallow her giggles and straighten her face, several times, unsuccessfully. The longer this went on, the more impatient Matty became. “Just- just finish opening it! Open it would you?!!!” He grabbed her by the shoulders.

Finally, she found the self-restraint necessary and looked up at him. “Matty, I- got you the exact same thing.”

***

Donny Hathaway’s velvet voice crooned in the background behind the glugg of the wine as Matty pour them each a glass.

Said I love you

More than you'll ever know

More than you'll ever know

Amelia opened the pizza box over the duvet, pulled a cheese slice apart from the rest of the pie. “Sex, wine, AND pizza?” She giggled. “Best Valentine’s Day ever.”

Matty clicked his glass to hers. “Here’s to a million more, my love.”

She hummed over a mouthful of pizza. “Happy Valentine’s Day, Matty. I love you always.”

“Love you always. More than you’ll ever know.”

[paradoxolotl]

📚 please!! (I think I am 🍌 anon?)

Book asks

Bananon my beloved ♥️

For you I have this one:

Andrew runs a cooking vlog and Neil comments every single time that his recipes are shit and they never work. Endlessly amused exasperated, Andrew meets him to try and teach him to cook. Unfortunately Neil’s just a complete disaster in the kitchen

The vlogs change to both Andrew and Neil making the recipes together while they’re back to back, Andrew guiding the recipes and both of them contributing their scathing commentary. At the end they turn around and try each other’s dishes. But a fan favourite is when one of them is blindfolded and has to guess what the other is making based on what ingredients are being added, with a final guess after a taste test

Neil’s dishes always looks like garbage but (usually) taste half decent. Any sweets they make Neil is overly dramatic about

(Planned out commentary and videos below the cut)

“This is the most disgusting thing I’ve ever tasted.”

“Neil, it’s a brownie.”

“It’s so rich. Only saving grace is the nuts.”

“That is what I’m know for.”

“Your nuts?”

“Fuck you, you know that’s not- oh my god, Jesus Neil why are these salty?!”

“That’s what I’m known for.”

~

Andrew: and now we carefully fold in the eggs

Neil: okay * folds in whole eggs without cracking them *

-

Andrew: separate your egg whites

Neil: how do I do that

Andrew: I thought you watched all my videos

Neil: I did, I did.

Andrew: I’ve separated egg whites before

Neil: …are you sure

Andrew: we’re moving on. There’s lots of ways you can do it. Some people use a bottle to get the yolk out, some people do like a seesaw motion-

Neil: oh, okay. * vigorously shakes egg *

-

Andrew: grab your fruit-

Neil: * reaches back and grabs Andrew * got it

-

Andrew: now I’m not one for dramatics

Neil: * looks into the camera like he’s on The Office *

-

(Blindfolded)

Neil: okay now eggs

Andrew: what kind of eggs?

Neil: uh. They’ve got brown shells. Free range

Andrew: good to know. But whole eggs?

Neil: no last time you got mad at the shells being in your food

Andrew: so…the egg minus the shell?

Neil: yeah. No shell, just how you like. Oh, also I added bacon grease and cinnamon

Andrew: what…what the fuck are you making

Neil: it’s one of your recipes

Andrew: I have never used that combination in my life

Neil: well I had to make a few substitutions

Andrew: a few?!

Neil: I couldn’t find the butter

Andrew: did you check the drawer in the fridge? Where we keep the butter?

Neil:…uh. * checks fridge * oh. I’ll just add it now. I’m adding butter

[loyaltykask]

Chapter 24

@journeythroughjourneytothewest

WUKONG YOU ABSOLUTE ASSHOLE XD HE SO MEAN I LOVE IT

Wukong: You had a wild night didn't you Bajie: This is kosher being tied up!!

Even Wujing has to tease him there is no mercy for the middle child vibes

Precious

I like how they ask Wukong when they might be going there and they listen to him seriously. Like they know he is the strongest there and that he has been all around the world. Poor Sanzang being human has no idea when he could make it, whether in this lifetime or the next. But Wukong putting that tidbit of determination and will is actaully really sweet that he thinks Sanzang has a chance.

Haha Equal is Earth

Creepy fruit, however living to 47,000 is also kinda dope. Like that a fuck ton of years

These guys are just around Wukong's age. 1,212, and 1,200

These shits are like "But we Daoists and they Buddist why would we welcome them?" their teacher has to be like "Cause he a nice guy assholes now shut up and do it"

This guy is pretty generous but also what an ass. Oh sure, Sanzang gets 2 Fruits that like 94,000 years of life for his past life, TEN LIFETIMES AGO. And Wukong, Bajie, and Wujing getting nothing for being 'rowdy'

Even Wukong says this guy is full of himself which is saying SOMETHING from him.

Wukong has to pull a Sanzang life all over again and make sure no one eats his baby. These Fucking brats really are just as bad as they are in the Movies Not a single ounce of respect for Earth Even Wukong is behaving better than them

Wukong calls them FLIMFLAM

TARADIDDLE! BULL SHANK! THIS IS AN OLD MAN!

Also love that Sanzang is trying to change the subject else these two brats rile Wukong even more. Like Sanzang becoming a master of trying to dodge topics

I like how Sanzang is more worried that these brats are going to start some shit to rile Wukong up rather than Wukong actaully being riled up. Like he knows he talked to some brats but he can't change that XD just like customer server. I love that Sanzang just straight-up makes plans to fucking leave. Like "we can rest here but yeah lets gtfo" And now these boys are like "no please come in we were told to serve only you"

Bunch of two-faced assholes

Probs not even then, they represent hard Confucianism where Daoism and Buddhism are not meant to interact with one another and not even respect one another. Wukong is a legit representation of fighting that stereotype by being a symbol of both and achieving true immortality for it. Honestly, Sanzang refusing to believe those aren't real ass babies makes me wonder how fucking close to babies these fruits actaully looked liked. Like Sanzang the most gullible and naive of them all refuse to believe those are actaully ass babies XD That says something

I mean if I was eating something that looked too human I would also probs pass on it

This is honestly my favorite arc cause it is just such a 'boys will be boys' like the idea was Bajie's but he shared it with Wukong who was 100% on board, he didn't need an ounce of convincing, he just said "fuck yea, fuck those brats lets get that fruit, I'll do it myself" and then they just get Wujing his own too cause he just that good of a homie Like..... sometimes it's the stupid stuff you do together that makes it all the more memorable. Crimes committed together are enjoyed together.

WUJING WAS SO EXCITED HE WANTED TO TRY. WUKONG REALLY IS THE BEST BIG BRO HE GOT HIS HOMIE COVERED

I have to admit calling someone a baldhead is be fighting words indeed

Sanzang like: Hey even if they did commit the crime let's watch the fucking language

it's like breaking someone's sports car and being like "well we can at least say sorry, that should be enough" LIKE IF THAT IT SANZANG'S PHILOSOPHY NO WONDER HE LETS PEOPLE GET AWAY WITH SO MUCH SHIT DAMN And he still like: hmmm, doesn't sound like my boys

HE TRUSTS HIS BOYS He also got to love the homies for agreeing that snitches get stitches and that they should all lie together damnit

True brotherhood

[novadreii]

On one hand it's shocking that people in their 20s and 30s are getting diagnosed with colon cancer, something that typically is only seen in people 50+ after a lifetime of pounding booze and steaks and frozen dinners. But last year I had the opportunity to get to know another family who ate in a way that honestly fucking horrified me and confirmed to me that the parents were not going to live very long lives, and the kids would follow suite because it's all they were taught.

Fast food was consumed at least once a day in the house, tall sugary drinks were purchased for everyone in the car every single time they left the house. The food at home was mostly processed, from a box of some kind. Lots of sugary snacks. Any produce purchased was usually rotting in the fridge. The parents admitted they hated cooking and the most common foods were burgers, fries, noodles, etc. Shit that needed minimal prep or planning. The only regular vegetable served with meals was a Cesar salad absolutely smothered in dressing with more croutons than lettuce. Nutritionally useless. The kids in this house struggled with insulin resistance, ADHD, and other conditions that really necessitate a nutritious diet and to keep the amount of added sugar LOW. The parents and other adults had known heart conditions, diabetes etc and would just blithely laugh it off, like OOPS my diabetes is gonna hate that I ate all these sugar cookies haha! Yeah when your extremities lose circulation and fall off I bet you'll be laughing all the way to the hospital.

My mother, the bitch that she is, at LEAST prioritized feeding us home cooked, minimally processed meals. She built up a binder of recipes that were easy enough to throw together, combined with family recipes, and shopped in a way that the basics were always on hand. Veggies were served with lunch and dinner always. Fruit with breakfast and after dinner was required. And we'd get treats too, but they'd be homemade! She just didn't believe in boxed and frozen stuff, we weren't super rich or anything but she shopped specials and made it work. I'm grateful to her for that! As an adult it's helped me cultivate a taste for produce and home made things, I honestly can't stomach the taste of ultra processed junk because I swear I can taste the preservatives and plastics.

Yes. This is a privileged position to come from, but even when I've been broke I ate cheaply by eating as I typically still do: stocking up on lean, unprocessed meat when it's on special, eggs, cottage cheese and Greek yogurt, frozen berries which are much cheaper, beans and lentils, and filling in the gaps with dark leafy greens, broc, potatoes etc. If you only drink water and don't buy anything that comes in a box or bag, this is even more affordable than eating an ultra processed diet. I know it sucks, but you gotta MAKE the time to prepare your food. Batch cook meats and a pot of chili on the weekend. Every time you cook, make sure you have at least 1 serving per person of leftovers. I'm sorry, but the answer to lack of funds/time is to get creative, plan ahead and eat whole foods. Not buy shit that you have to just pop in an air fryer (another cancerous product nobody should be buying)! The amount of people I've known who subsist off off Dino nuggets and Pepsi astounds me. And of course, they are *mysteriously* plagued with health issues they insist they have no idea what the source of is.

This is shit that's taught. If you were not raised to feed yourself properly, it's a damn hard thing to learn. And witnessing a family passing on bad food habits and therefore poor health to their kids made me so mad but of course, there was nothing I could do about it except try and introduce them to healthy homemade stuff when I could, but I know that after I left they just continued eating like shit. It's honestly very sad to me because one of my most cherished values is the joy of nourishing myself and the people I care about with food that is healthy and tastes good. I think a good life past middle age is cultivated when you're young with good food and exercise habits so we don't spend our years north of 50 in hospitals and fiddling with a million prescription medications, being a burden to our children because we couldn't be assed to care for ourselves.

[doctortonytchopper]

Godddd I am so glad I went back and watched the punk hazard arc though.

Partly because WOW I am really blown away by how early and THOROUGHLY Oda started just absolutely laying in on the gear 5 reveal hints. Holy shit.

Also because it's so fuckin great seeing the introduction of Momo and Kin to the crew and Law now that I know the backstory that was revealed in Wano. Like imagine being them (I'm focusing on Kin's POV here to lessen confusion btw).

You've been living under a hellish dictatorship - a shitty piss bitch snake, and this murderous dragon Kaido who's as powerful and unkillable as a god. Your beloved lord fights them and loses despite being literally the strongest fighter you know, by like, several orders of magnitude. He is then brutally executed, and the fight you put up to save him isn't even a fight just a half-failure of a retreat (not everyone made it) and it all ends in utter despair. There is no hope of ever beating this villain.

In an act of pure desperation, as the only option available as an alternative to absolute slaughter, his wife shoots you like 20 years into the future. You find the dictatorship is thriving; your beloved home is a wasteland. There are some people on your side but pretty much everyone is enslaved, weakened by starvation, or dead. You've got like ten people on your side to fight an army, and a fucking invincible dragon.

You take to the sea to see if you can find two guys on an elephant who will probably help you. You are so desperate for any help. This is a last ditch effort. You keep up an air of determination but are convinced you will all die. This man is a monster, an immortal dragon from hell ruling with an iron fist of bloody claws; not even Oden could do more than put a single scratch on him. It was over so fast, Kaido's victory so absolute, his hold on your country so firm. MAYBE these two guys will help you, but it's still just a drop in the bucket. You don't think anyone will be swayed by any plea you could make; no one on this earth will be willing to help you.

You land on a strange island where you're all separated, one guy gets lost, your lord's son (now your new lord) gets abducted, and you try to follow the ship he's on.

[That's what we learned in Wano recently. But I had forgotten the next part since Punk Hazard was so mcfuckin long ago.]

You arrive at this insane island that's half on fire and half frozen and just start killing. Then a guy shows up and dices you like a fucking onion but you stay alive. That's fuckin weird! Then you run into a group of pirates who absolutely INSIST on helping you stay alive despite your vicious complaints and argument.

They help rescue the boy, your lord, and make him smile despite the devastation and utter hell you and he have been through this past two-ish months of your personal timeline. You're so relieved to see him again!! He looks super normal and like he's hungry but is having a normal samurai amount of reluctance to trust food from strangers. Nothing going on there, probably! He probably didn't eat one single thing while on this island, definitely no magic fruits, no sir!

Anyways you hitch a ride with these weird pirates on their weird boat and they feed and clothe you, and they're kinda crazy but they treat you very kindly, despite having no obligation to do so. Oh, they're going the same way as you? Back to that weird island where your friend got lost? How fortuitous! Truly it was fate to meet these strange people!

You wonder if we could ask them for help. Hm, probably not. They'd be great allies but who in the world would ever want to willingly put themselves in that much danger, just to help people they don't know??? Caesar Clown is one thing but this is Kaido, invincible dragon, king of the beasts, emperor of the sea!

But then before you can say anything about it you overhear that insane stretchy boy say: "yeah, so that island's our next stop. After that, our plan is we're gonna go kill Kaido!"

And then Momo gets so startled he turns into a dragon.

How do you cope

[medicinemane]

Ok... I'm gonna talk about my mom and what's up with her and why she's being impossible to live with right now, and it's probably gonna take a while so... putting it below a break

She gets home yesterday after seeing the pulmonologist and says "well, I can't eat normal food anymore"

And I'm going... ok... and that's because...? (Cause like does she have some allergy that's just in everything or something?

No, she went to discuss her sleep study and she found out her 02 levels are tanking every night, and the doctor basically said "well there's nothing wrong with your lungs, so it's because you're fat"

(I think this is bad medicine, but I won't be able to say this for like an hour)

Anyway, now her plan is shes just going to eat a single can of fruit a day

(Also keep in mind that as I'm doing all this, I haven't eaten at all that day, and it's like 4pm, so I really really really need some of that costco pizza before I can think, but no, I'm trapped there with her)

She's just super sulking and not at all willing to listen to the fact that while I sympathize with why she's upset, this isn't like... a productive course of action. Eventually I'm trying to leave because I've got a hot plate in my hand that's burning me cause it's been microwaved and is just real hot, and she's still talking to me while I'm switching it from knee to knee

Well finally after I've eaten I've come back down and she's in a better mood, and we talk and I point out that like my gramps was a skinny man but needed a cpap machine, and that I don't think being fat really has much to do with it or should be a prerequisite for getting important care

I point out that she's been getting stronger and had more stamina since she moved out here and started doing yoga, and that I think that's a better goal than weightloss

I talk about how really if we could find one she ought to have a patient advocate. Like as much as she's pissing me off I'm on her side here

I tell her the self advocacy phrases of "what would you do for a thin person presenting these same symptoms?" "why don't we do that then?" and if they don't agree to do it "I want it noted on my chart that you're not doing those tests/that treatment"

By the time we're done she's in a relatively good mood. I'm not, but she is (I'll get to that at the end)

Today I talk to her and she's sulking, and now she's only going to have a single sandwich a day. You know, fuck everything we discussed yesterday, it's back to the sabotage

Then she goes to the mechanic, she gets back and it turns out she got there late (cause she fucking has always sucked with time, I... I spent a half hour just sitting there most days after school waiting for her, one time literally 3 hours cause she... anyway... yeah... she does show up late even though she's better these days)

Well, they couldn't get her in, so now she's a stupid evil worthless monster

Now here's the two problems. See, I wouldn't mind so much if like... one of you was down, but with her, her I mind a lot

First of all, she constantly lashes out when she's like this. She gets snippy, or she gets... she pretty much... well I mean fuck, do you get how her diabetic ass refusing to eat basically places me in the same position as someone threatening to kill themself in front of me if I don't deal with it and fix them?

But she really does lash out a lot and get short with me and it's like... fuck you... I'm one of the few people actually nice to you and on your side all the time despite everything you've done to me... why are you so mean to me? Why am I your emotional punching bag when you're down?

But the other thing to understand is there's so much shit that happened in the past... like I was literally having to do this same stuff when I was like 5... fuck... fuck, that's literally it... isn't it?

That's the real reason it bothers me this much, it's cause it's fucking identical to how it was when I was little, and that messed me up so bad, and it forces me back into that

I knew that was why her night terrors or her sneezing fits make me bash my head with the heels of my hands; just so fucking overwhelming I lose control because they bring back such horrible feelings but... yeah... that's a lot of it

But also it's just I can't be close to her, it hurts me to be close to her

In addition to making me be her parent she said stuff like how I'm a loser that no one could ever love (when I was like 12), did a bunch of other shit that skeeves me out... just... I do not want to be in anyway emotionally touching her with a 20 ft pole

I feel bad for her, but I just fucking can't be the one to deal with this cause she messed things up to bad in the past, but... tough shit for me, gotta try to keep things functioning so... so things don't get even harder

But like... the way she was when I went down and she's sulking and saying she'll make dinner but she's not having any rice, it brings up a memory so bad I can't even fucking focus on it enough to tell you what happened with it, and I know enough to know I'm glad I can't cause it would mess me up

bad bad bad abdabd a abdadbaa bdadb adbda sadsbljk fadsl khawsfe y

kill me

[queermarzipan]

Hooooooo boy. I definitely have some stuff I'm not happy with. They were written on paper, however...

not in my school folder. not in my CTYI bag.. wait I found SOME. from like the single school class where we were instructed to collaboratively write a short story. ....OLD PLANS FOR MY UNWRITTEN DRARRY FIC!! and a SONG??? THAT I'D COMPLETELY FORGOTTEN I WROTE??? AAAA???

I don't think I'm gonna find what I was originally looking for (written and rewritten versions of "Draco smells Harry in the Amortentia without copping that it's Harry" lol). But I think we have enough to be getting on with😅

First up is the ones that I love.

Numero Uno:

...He'd started treating it like a project.

That had been his first mistake, he supposed, as he stared at the fruit of his labour like it was a sentient guillotine with a vendetta against him specifically. 

He was good at projects.

I just really like what I did there. With the metaphor. Analogy. Thing. Lmao

Second up:

Crowley was vaguely surprised when he wasn’t the one to break the silence. That hadn’t, he didn’t think, ever happened to him before – some stranger recovering from his presence enough to speak before the reverse happened, that was. It was unsettling.

I'm quite happy with all of the larger snippet I took this from, but this paragraph doesn't reveal the identity of the stranger, which I am not ready to embarrass myself by revealing. What I specifically like about it, though, is that it revealed something new about Crowley to me. I hadn't considered what Crowley's response to the stranger speaking would be before I wrote it. And that just stuck. That was the first way I wrote that, I think, and it just. fits. There's nothing I wpuld change there.

Uimhir a Trí:

And I know that I'm lying to you  And I know that I'm lying to me  And that we will never be okay without us  I know that you're lying to you  And I know that you're lying to me  And I hate that I've turned you into a liar  And I know that if I don't tell you the truth  That it's over, I'm over  I won't love me anymore  I won't be okay, nor you, no  I'll be dead to me...

OUCH. Hey look, it's a bit of the song I JUST FOUND :D. And, okay, it's two verses, but I couldn't pick between them, and they come right after each other, and the symmetry of the first one is so great and the second one is just OW. This is from 2018. I was thirteen years old. What the fuck, 13yo me. What the fuck.

...anyway, next up is the ones that I hate. HOO boy. Okay. Here we go.

Numero Uno:

Only way. The only way. Fluorescent lights lined the sign of Corey's Diner, illuminating her stark blonde hair. Ironic, that this had been where she'd followed Annabelle on her first date. She'd never found out, of course. Penny was, for all her faults, not careless. The door stood ajar, spilling warmth and light of a very different kind than the sun provided onto the street.

Ayyy, another thing I only just found!! It's the collaborative short story!! ...*sigh*. It's just. I like what we learn here, about their history. How the context for the thought occurring builds tension for what's going to happen in the here and now. But the setting. I would redo every line that describes the environment. And the had been where was would've worked fine, and been less confusing to boot. Hnmmrr. >:(.

Numero Dos:

All I'll ever want All I'll ever need All I'll ever ask you to be is my owner

...yeah. I was starving for BDSM music, as you can tell. It just. Doesn't. Work. Tonally, conceptually... Being an "owner", in this context, is hard fucking work. Gh. I remember trying to finish that sentence for so long, and then finally giving up and just sticking the right number of syllables in. It still irks me, now I've found it again.

Numero Très:

Your bedroom, your favourite book The straws you grasp at in the dark They haven't let you fall yet

This is the least done piece of my attempt at de-Christian-ifying Overcomer by Mandisa. I like the concept of the verse, but it just doesn't feel metrically equivalent to— The same Man, the great I Am / The one who overcame death / Is living inside of you. Especially that third line. I don't know. It feels like it needs more punch. Only the concept doesn't really.... maybe spite?? Spite is a powerful morivator. Hm.

SO. THAT'S IT. That took ages, I was here literally as this was posted. I clicked on it while its timestamp was counting in seconds. I'm positive there are plenty of entries by now, lmao. But I WAS HERE FIRST!! XD. Kidding. No prizes for seeing it ig, right? Haha

Tagging the only people I've interacted with in here who I know are writers (excluding Asmi, uh... obviously *gestures upwards*): @howmanyholesinswisscheese and @derinthescarletpescatarian !! Hey Derin, come join us here! Arthur, I don't care that you're getting tagged twice, no way am I ONLY tagging a big name author. You get to be the buddy. Well done.

ALSO OMG ALMOST FORGOT (cause ur never on here grrrr): @urlocalrockstar GIVE US IT. GIVE US IT MS. RIDICULOUSLY POPULAR ON WATTPAD

starting a tag game for writers

Hi, it's Asmi! Okay, so, I've seen so many people afraid to start/continue writing because they're afraid it'll be garbage. And it's so sad how much joy and creativity is getting lost because of that fear. I've written utter shit before, and looking back on it is actually hilarious, and also, it's a reminder of how far I've come as a writer.

I really, really want people to be less afraid of the written word and of creating, and to get rid of that aura of mystery and elitism that often covers the writing process. Writing is messy and it's hell and it's torture. And it's amazing.

So here's the tag game:

Give me three lines/paragraphs that you've written that you love [fiction, non-fiction, from different works or the same, from completed stories or poems or WIPs, from yesterday or ten years ago] that you love. If that seems hard, even one will do. It doesn't have to be perfect. It can just be something silly that gives you joy.

And give me three lines/paragraphs that you've written that you dislike and find shitty. Anything at all as long as you wrote it. If you think it's ridiculous or absolute fucking garbage, even better! That's the point of this game. To see that we all write good things and bad things. Yeah? You can do this. And remember that both these categories are subjective.

I'll start. It's not as scary as it seems, I promise.

Things I've written that I find shitty:

The first man grabbed him by his collar, pinned him against the wall of the cave in which they were standing, and spat, “It doesn’t matter what you’ve done before. If the Queen’s not in the graveyard tonight, King Baza’s going to plan a most delightful execution for you. And even if he doesn’t, you being his nephew and all, I will arrange an accidental blowing up of your house when you are, tragically, inside.” [discount wall slam scene courtesy of 2016 Asmi, you're welcome]

“Overreacting?” said Dextor in disbelief, staring at Jay like, ‘What is wrong with you, dude?’ [sigh. my serious-scene-writing left a lot to be desired.]

“Don’t go,” I said, fighting tears. “Please, don’t leave me, too! You’re all I have left.” Strange thoughts for a child, but I meant every word. She looked at me with anguish. “I am sorry, Phil. Believe me, you are all I have, too, and this hurts me more than it does you. You’re like my son.” [I'm hysterical rereading this melodramatic shit, which was NOT the intended effect]

Things that I've written that I love:

He dropped the books onto a nearby chair and pulled her into his arms as he’d been longing to do all day, the smell of blueberries and hair product and her. The books she was holding were pressed against his chest, and he didn’t care. Why did he need to love the stars when he could love her, why did he need to look up at the sky for answers when they were right there in his arms? [I love this because when I first wrote it, I thought it was romantic, but I realised later that the boy, Ant, is aroace, and it doesn't change a thing about this scene, except that their love is platonic]

"Maybe being happy is the best that we can do. Maybe that’s more than most people manage, anyway.” They stood in front of the entrance, over puddles that reflected all the broken skyscrapers and the colours of the street and the grey-yellow sky. “Whatever you do with your parents,” she said. “Don’t let your guilt get in the way of doing ballet. It’s not wrong to be happy. It’s not.” [This is from the book I finished and I published, and I just really like this paragraph. It's not my favourite, but it makes me smile.]

The last you may leave wherever you please, wherever it is birds land to die. [A line from a poem I wrote in 2022, I like the rhythm]

(It took effort to find ones that I wanted to share, oof. If you find this difficult just know you're not alone. I usually like my writing, but turns out it's hard to take something you created and go hey, look, I'm proud of this. But we can do it.)

Alright, of course anyone who sees this is welcome to join, and tag the writers you know so we can all be uh writerly together :") but to start it off, no pressure tags @howmanyholesinswisscheese, @1800ineedshelp, @queermarzipan, @thescholarlystrumpet, @madfangirlontheloose.

Oh, and also tagging @neil-gaiman, @dduane, @drchucktingle just because maybe if you see this and join in, new writers will find comfort in knowing their role models have ups and downs, good and bad days too :")

Have a lovely day, everyone, and keep writing.

[r0-boat]

Sick day

Oc x reader

with the bug hybrids (Zero, Salem)

Summary: They take care of you when you're sick

Cw: for Arachnophobia for Salem

🐝Zero🐝( yandere character)

he knew this day would come... when His Highness wouldn't wake up after he made breakfast for them. His antennas twitched something was off about your scent... he gently set the tray of your food down onto the bed running to get your old thermometer to check your temperature.

You were just starting to wake up at that point. Just throat hurt was swollen and everything in your body ached you felt hot but at the same time too cold.

Zero gives you a small smile, well as much of a smile as his mandibles could do " Stay still my Dear, I just need to take your temperature"

You hummed in delight feeling the cold exoskeleton of his hand caress your warm cheek as he hovers the thermometer over your forehead.

”101... goodness that doesn't seem good..."

His beloved caught some kind of human sickness but he did not panic he was prepared luckily just last week he found in a bed in library and found sicknesses and human doctoral practices... he has been addicted to that book ever since.

He takes his old lab coat and puts it on before grabbing an old dusty box of face masks ( he probably doesn't need one... but it makes him look the part)

You tried to get up and reach for your lover "Zero..." letting his hands in your hair and gently planning you back into bed.

"Shh, my delightful darling don't you lift a single finger today. I will Brew you a nice medicine and fetch you a glass of water"

🕷Selam🕷

You woke up with a throbbing headache and the smell of chicken soup and a plate of freshly cut fruits.

And Salem's giant spider half sitting on your bed.

"Salem... How did you-" you tried to sit up Salem scoops your nightstand closer to you, placing the bowl of soup and a spoon on it " Spare key. you really need to find a better place to hide it..."

Not feeling like getting lectured you responded nonchalantly looking over at the food on the nightstand. The soup smelled good, really good... and it didn't look canned the vegetables in the soup look nice and fresh the soup was a warm and the chicken looked nice and juicy. And the fruit was meticulously cut as if it was cut with care. All complete with a cup of water with cold ice.

" Hurry up an eat, trying to fatten you up so I can eat you later..." Salem Smirked scooting the plate of fruit closer to you.

"Yeah yeah...." damn so bossy...

You look over at your boyfriend to see a mask on his face. Which was odds since hybrids don't carry or get human sicknesses.

"Salem, why the mask?"

"Because I don't want your gross human germs" he scoffed

" funny" you said picking up your bowl of soup, before taking a sip " Didn't complain a few days ago when we made out"

" Shut your fucking mouth..." Salem mumbled back pulling up his mask to hide his cheeks