#ask para

[paradoxolotl]

📚 please!! (I think I am 🍌 anon?)

Book asks

Bananon my beloved ♥️

For you I have this one:

Andrew runs a cooking vlog and Neil comments every single time that his recipes are shit and they never work. Endlessly amused exasperated, Andrew meets him to try and teach him to cook. Unfortunately Neil’s just a complete disaster in the kitchen

The vlogs change to both Andrew and Neil making the recipes together while they’re back to back, Andrew guiding the recipes and both of them contributing their scathing commentary. At the end they turn around and try each other’s dishes. But a fan favourite is when one of them is blindfolded and has to guess what the other is making based on what ingredients are being added, with a final guess after a taste test

Neil’s dishes always looks like garbage but (usually) taste half decent. Any sweets they make Neil is overly dramatic about

(Planned out commentary and videos below the cut)

“This is the most disgusting thing I’ve ever tasted.”

“Neil, it’s a brownie.”

“It’s so rich. Only saving grace is the nuts.”

“That is what I’m know for.”

“Your nuts?”

“Fuck you, you know that’s not- oh my god, Jesus Neil why are these salty?!”

“That’s what I’m known for.”

~

Andrew: and now we carefully fold in the eggs

Neil: okay * folds in whole eggs without cracking them *

-

Andrew: separate your egg whites

Neil: how do I do that

Andrew: I thought you watched all my videos

Neil: I did, I did.

Andrew: I’ve separated egg whites before

Neil: …are you sure

Andrew: we’re moving on. There’s lots of ways you can do it. Some people use a bottle to get the yolk out, some people do like a seesaw motion-

Neil: oh, okay. * vigorously shakes egg *

-

Andrew: grab your fruit-

Neil: * reaches back and grabs Andrew * got it

-

Andrew: now I’m not one for dramatics

Neil: * looks into the camera like he’s on The Office *

-

(Blindfolded)

Neil: okay now eggs

Andrew: what kind of eggs?

Neil: uh. They’ve got brown shells. Free range

Andrew: good to know. But whole eggs?

Neil: no last time you got mad at the shells being in your food

Andrew: so…the egg minus the shell?

Neil: yeah. No shell, just how you like. Oh, also I added bacon grease and cinnamon

Andrew: what…what the fuck are you making

Neil: it’s one of your recipes

Andrew: I have never used that combination in my life

Neil: well I had to make a few substitutions

Andrew: a few?!

Neil: I couldn’t find the butter

Andrew: did you check the drawer in the fridge? Where we keep the butter?

Neil:…uh. * checks fridge * oh. I’ll just add it now. I’m adding butter

[iron-magee-giant]

We need to talk but like not about us, about me and Corpse and us and Corpse, and also you and Coprse... got time?

Uh… yeah sure man! What’s going on?

[little-boii-blue]

[text: Eths] why were you kinda hot in CC

-surprised to see her texting him, but immediately responds back in minutes-

[Text: Minx🔪] I mean, I was in Florida, everyone was hot

[paragons-saga]

4 25 26 kei/yue 5 10 26 damask/errare

Kenan/Shanyue

4. Favorite non-sexual activity?

Actually, bathing together. It's way more of a social/bonding experience for them than anything sexy and it was legitimately the first real interaction they had upon meeting for the first time. I could actually expound on this quite a lot, since Kenan came from a background that was a lot more prudish about nudity and Shanyue came from a culture that doesn't automatically sexualize 90% of interaction between the sexes.

25. Who needs more assurance?

Kenan by a long shot. For all his attitude, he's really really insecure. Especially when he's being treated kindly. He's constantly waiting for the other proverbial shoe to drop.

26. Their theme song:

I haven't quite found a theme yet that fits the both of them together, but Gravity Eyelids is an easy contender. For a quick pick.

Damask/Errare

5. Who is most likely to carry the other?

If we're talking fully off the ground, Errare, purely in terms of height. He's taller and a bit broader in the shoulders (well, at least after he filled out, because he was a beanpole as an adolescent), so it's easier for him to lift Damask clear off the ground. However. If we're including something like a walking assist as carrying, Damascus 100%.

10. Who remembers what the other one orders at a restaurant?

Errare. He's not super showy about much anything, particularly in a close relationship (considers it private business and nobody else has any right to pry), so he generally shows his care in other ways. Little gestures and mindfulness. Like remembering a favorite order.

26. Their theme song:

You know, I never really had an official song for them before, but lately because I've been mulling over their past relationship a lot, I've been really feeling this one. "I said I'd never miss you, but I guess you never know. May the bridges I have burned light my way back home on the Fourth of July."

[paradoxolotl]

@neilimfinejosten sure thing!

For this one I’m trying out landscape orientation, but if you want the long skinny book like in the last one just keep it on portrait. Set it to two columns and then edit as needed to get the layout you want (I like when my chapters start on a new page). Make sure you print one sided!

This took a minute for my brain to wrap around, but the left side of your printed page will be the right page of the book

Fold it in half, so the blank side of your paper is inside

I flip through mine to make sure it’s all in order and reads properly. The creased edges of the pages are facing out, the ‘open’ side of the fold in the middle

Then, you want to stack them in the order you need them in (all creased/folded edges on top of each other). You’ll be gluing the non-creased edges together to make the spine.

I found the measurements for the cover didn’t work like I wanted it to, so I waited for the glue to dry before setting the pages against the cover page and creasing and cutting from there

Hope this helps!

Listen to your elders

So last week I posted abut the importance of downloading your fic. And then three days later AO3 went down for 24 hours. No one was more weirded out by this than I was. But while y’all were acting like the library at Alexandria was on fire I was reading my download fic and editing chapter eight of Buck, Rogers, and the 21st Century. And also thinking about what I could do to be helpful when the crisis was actually over.

So first off, I’m going to repeat that if you’re going to bookmark a fic, you really need to also download the fic and back it up in a safe place. I just do it automatically now and it’s a good habit to get into.

But let’s talk about some other scenarios. Last October I lost power for over a week after hurricane Ian. Apart from not having internet or A/C I did find plenty to do, I collect books so I had plenty to read, but maybe, unlike me, your favorite comfort reads aren’t sitting on a bookshelf. So let’s do something about that, shall we?

In olden times many long years ago around 1995 we printed off a lot of fic. It was mostly SOP to print a fic you planned to reread and stick it in a three ring binder. And that’s totally valid today too, but you can also make a very nice paperback with a minimum amount of skill and materials.

Let’s start with the download; Go to Ao3 and select your fic, we’ll be working with one of mine. This method works best with one shots, long fic tends to need a more complicated approach. Get yourself an HTML download

Open up the HTML download and select all then copy paste into any word processor. Set the page to landscape and two columns, then change the font to something you find easy to read, this is your book, no judgement. This is all you have to do for layout but I like to play a little bit. I move all the meta, summary, notes to the end and pick out a fun font for the title: 

No time like the present to do a quick proofread. Congratulations, you’ve just created your first typeset. On to the fun part.

Now you’re going to need some materials:  8.5x11in paper ruler one sheet of 12x12 medium card stock (60-80lb) scissors pencil pen or fine tip marker sheet of wax paper white glue two binder clips 2 heavy books or 1 brick butter knife

You’ll also need a printer, if you’re in the US there is almost a 100% chance your local library has a printer you can use if you don’t have your own. None of these materials are expensive and you can literally use cheap copy paper and Elmers glue.

Print your text block, one page per side. Fold the first page in half so that the blank side is inside and the printed side out:

use the butter knife to crease the edge. Repeat on all the sheets. When you’ve finished, stack them up with the raw edge on the left and the folded edge on the right. I used standard copy paper, because you’re only printing on one side there’s no bleed to worry about. Take the text block and line everything up. Use the binder clips to hold the raw edge in place.

Wrap the text block in the wax paper so that the raw edge and binder clips are facing out. I’m going to use my home built book press but you don’t need one, a brick or a couple of books or anything else heavy will work fine.

Once the text block is anchored down, take off he binder clips and get out the glue.

You can use a brush but you don’t need one, smear some glue on that raw edge.

Go make a margarita, watch The Mandalorian, call your mother. Don’t come back for at least an hour

In an hour smear some more glue on there and shift your brick forward so that the whole book is covered. This keeps the paper from warping. While glue part 2 is drying we’ll do the cover. Get out your 12x12 cardstock

Mark the cardstock off at 8.5 inches and cut it. Measure in 5.5 inches from the left and put in a score line with the butter knife (the back edge not the sharp edge)

Carefully fold the score line, this is your front cover. You have some options for the cover title, you can use a cutting machine like a cricut if you have one, you can print out a title on the computer and use carbon paper to transfer the text to the cardstock. I was in a mood so I just freehanded that beoch. Pencil first then in pen.

Take your text block out from under your brick. Line it up against the score mark and mark the second score on the other side of the spine

Fold the score and glue the textblock into the cover at the spine. Once the glue dries up mark the back cover with the pencil and then trim the back cover to fit with your scissors.

Voila:

I’m going to put this baby on the shelf next to the Silmarillion.

The whole process, not counting drying time, took less than an hour.

If you want to make a book of a longer fic, I recommend Renegade Publishing, they have a ton of resources for fan-binders. 

[avi-damn-daniel]

[text: Danny] Happy birthday, mister :) [@ofmanysides]

-Surprised to see it at first, but smiles anyway as he replies back-

[Text: Thomas] Thank you, T :D

[mons7errr]

paraphiles are cool and awesome and thinking we need to be in wards is ableist and just stupid

[aurnadri]

MY TIME

@paranormal-peri fanart

[kafus]

n64 paras in the microwave

[paradoxolotl]

hey! So quick question, did you write an alternate ending to brother of mine where Andrew actually dies or did I fever dream that? I can't find it anywhere and I wanted to suffer again.. Anyway, love everything you write!

Ooooh yes I did ~ enjoy your suffering I guess? ♥️

[kamiraaah]

Crying and begging for we to start referindo to gramma bucchi as vovó bucchi 😔😔😔

✨️Vovó Bucchi ✨️>>>>>>>>>>>> Gramma Bucchi

All posts of Grandma Bucchi shall have the #vovó bucchi

You're welcome 😚

[itsonlypolite]

it's official. your voice designs have invaded my dreams. I I was dreaming last night and I went out onto my back porch and opportunist was there sittin on one of the chairs. cheated was also there but he'd fallen off the chairs onto the floor so I didn't see him right away but they were there!!! on my fucking porch!!! I went out there again later in the dream and smitten was bleaching broken's hair?? I cannot stress this enough they were All Your Designs. I've never even had a dream with the voices in them before. I literally Just got up so I'm sorry if this isnt coherent but I had to tell you

WAIT IM SO JEALOUSSSSSSSS (also like so happy to hear that that's so fun!!!!) also those interactions!!!! So fun!!!!! Had to draw Opportunist and Cheated on the porch

[paragons-saga]

kenan: danger spring Sam: on proof

Kei

danger: what’s one thing that makes your OC angry? what’s their temper like? how do they respond to people who make them mad?

Kei's definitely got his father's temper. Intense, explosive. Very dragonian. His unusual upbringing kind of brings the worst of that out in him. One of his major triggers is being accused of something he didn't do, which.. happens a lot. He's a very angry person. Imagine a half-starved abused dog on the streets and how it might react to being cornered, and you'd have a pretty good picture of how he is when he's angry. In the worst of it, he will completely lose any sense of self control and will lash out indiscriminately. He really, actually doesn't like this at all because deep down, he doesn't actually want to hurt anyone even though he's definitely capable of it. (If nothing else, hurting someone usually comes back to hurt him more.)

spring: what does your OC miss most? will they ever be reunited? how would they feel about that?

It sort of depends on what point of his story that we're talking about. Early on, he misses the only friend he ever made growing up. When he was about 12, his friend vanished and he (like usual) was blamed for it. Only this time it was infinitely worse because everyone knew that she hung around him a lot so they were absolutely certain that he did something to her. She was a victim of something far bigger than the town could conceive and it's unlikely that Kenan will ever be reunited with her. He carries a lot of guilt over it all, so if he did find out she was okay, it would be a weight off his shoulders.

(I'll answer Sam's when I figure it out. They will need some extra thought.)

[newtzii]

waiting for my lovely wife to return. my lovely wife. shes waiting. please lets make this quick shes waiting,

[gothghostiie]

More oviposition..?🥹

cw: ovipostion, afab!reader, ambiguous partner

mmm them rubbing your poor belly, swollen with eggs. kissing the sweaty skin of your neck while you try to push them all out, but it's so hard:( they massage your tits, playing with your nipples to make you wet and give you some distraction from your poor cunt and womb being stretched like that with their eggs:( cooing and crooning at you, acting like they feel so sorry for you; but they can't wait to put their next batch into you.

[ourdadai]

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