#single advice

[sparkliingdust]

I went on a date that a friend set me up with, and it was disastrous. Long story short, he was a MAGA Supporter disguised as a musical theater/fandom/movie/etc. nerd.

And, what I learned is always follow your gut - a bunch of side shit that made the date super awkward and made me question meeting up might not be a good idea, but I went through with it anyways... Instead of listening to the yick factor, I ended up wasting my time, energy, and money. And he ended up being a dickhead and the food wasn't even good.

While I don't blame my family or co-workers who supported me going on a date and want to see me do more than go to work and go to home, if someone is actively expressing something greater than nervousness about going on a date, and are talking about how they dread being in a relationship all the way to their core, maybe respect that that they truly do not want to go on a date. My family and co-workers were 1000x more excited for me to go on a date and felt like I was making a life-altering mistake. That's not normal. lol

As someone who sees themselves as single for now, and the near future, please respect our choice to be single or on our own. I get lonely. I imagine being in a relationship. I'm open for the right person to come along, but at the same time, I know what I want, and I'm okay with not going through the whole humiliating dating process to get to that other person. Like I'm confident enough to not beat myself up over wandering 'what if I never end up with someone?' because I'm really okay with being on my own.

It's also very frustrating for women at work who are not happy with their partners and constantly tell me not to have kids because they are not happy with their family, to constantly ask me about why I don't see myself with kids, when am I going to go out on a date, aren't I lonely....not really, until you keep making me feel awful about it. There was a time when I was teenager when it was all that I imagined. I really wanted to have a traditional hetero marriage and be the mom I never had and had the family I never did - and RECORD SCRATCH - one day I realized that's exactly what my mom did. She wished to have kids to have the family she never did. And once I realized I only wanted to be a mom if it didn't mean continuing that generational cycle, I decided maybe that wasn't for me. Again, it could be some day. But if I get to that place, it will be my choice - not because co-workers think it's a good idea for me.

I've heard the horror stories from everyone around me settling for someone they don't enjoy spending life with and/or going through the humiliating process of hunting down the right person to be with..and honestly, I want to do other things with my time.... and if I can be that person that I want to spend my life with and do it without a central companion that's not a dog/cat/fish/etc, why shouldn't I be able to??

When I see people doing something by themselves for the first time, and never knew that was possible for them, it makes me kinda sad. Because of the messaging that's out there. Going to the movies, to a wine and paint class, to a museum, to the park, to the coffee shop, to a restaurant, etc. by yourself is okay. You are just trying to enjoy your own company before, or if you ever, decide to pair up with someone.

People just need to respect that shit.

[lovelifting]

You can very well want to be in a romantic relationship, get married, and have children. It's a natural response. But, you are not incomplete in your singleness, motherlessness, or fatherlessness. When the timing is right, God will make it happen.

[astrmastr]

based on a dream i had some nights ago

it was a pretty fun experience this was me after

[sturionic]

Today's top reddit detectives

[scarlettgauthor]

So I have two general life philosophies that guide most of my actions. They're deceptively simple, but when I figured them out it really changed my perspective on stuff in a helpful way. Maybe they'll help you!

They are:

If I want something to change for the better, I have to be the one to change it. Doing nothing only makes things worse.

This applies to... everything. Want to get better at drawing? I have to be the one to practice. Doing nothing only makes me worse. Want my house to be clean? I have to be the one to clean it. Doing nothing only allows the mess to multiply. Want my garden to be beautiful? I have to be the one to weed it. Doing nothing only allows the weeds to spread. Want a better political system? I have to be the one to vote, and then the one to put pressure on my elected officials/support groups furthering the progressive policies I value. Doing nothing only allows the other side to make things worse.

It sucks. It's hard. It's the unfortunate truth.

The second one is a quote a friend shared from her therapist, and it fucking picked me up, turned me around, and spat me out a fully changed person:

Trying harder is not a plan.

Goddamn does that slap me around the face. Trying harder is not a plan. If you have an issue remembering your tasks at work and your solution is, "I'll try harder," you are setting yourself up for failure because there's nothing actionable there. When you inevitably fail (because trying harder is not a plan), you won't have any idea where the failure came from or where to go from there, and you'll feel like absolute shit for failing.

"I struggle with taking my medication on time. I have to try harder to do it!" ❌ Trying harder is not a plan!

"I struggle with taking my medication on time, so I'm adding calendar reminders to my phone and computer that require me to check off that I've taken it, and I'm storing my medication on my computer desk, which is where I eat my breakfast, so I can take it as soon as the reminder goes off." ✅ This is an actual plan! If it breaks down or fails, you can evaluate what parts worked and what parts didn't! You then have knowledge you can use to make a new plan!

Both of these principles also combine really well. Let's take the gardening, for example: I want my garden to be beautiful and functional, so I need to be the one to make that change, since doing nothing only allows my garden to get overgrown. I also know that "trying harder to garden" is not a plan, and I know that to-do lists work really well for me from previous experience.

Solution: I put a recurring reminder on my to-do list to garden for 20 minutes (if the weather allows). I don't have to remember to garden: The to-do list takes care of that. I don't have to remember to add it to the to-do list because it's recurring. All I have to do is go garden so I can come back inside and check it off, which makes my brain happy both because gardening is good for my mental health and because I fuckin' love accomplishing things on my to-do list.

If I want something to change for the better, I have to be the one to change it. Doing nothing only makes things worse.

Trying harder is not a plan.

Give 'em a shot, yeah?

[inbabylontheywept]

you don't need a sous vide machine to sou vie! all you need is some plastic freezer bags and like, a cheap digital thermometer (and a pot for water). you might need to get finicky by adding water to the pot during the process to keep the water a consistent temp.

You: Ah, yes, Egg Guy! Guy who ate 15 raw eggs! Wow! Hey, you seem extremely reasonable and controlled and ludicrously hinged. Like, 20 goddamn hinges on you. More hinges than a door store. May I recommend carefully putting eggs in a bag, putting a thermometer in water, then boiling the egg bag while watching it carefully whilst it rises to temperature? Also keep in mind that any significant mistake in this process will simply result in the worlds largest and least appetizing hardboiled egg clusterfuck.

Me: Oh wow, what a wonderful idea. By the way, I seem to have dropped my pen. Yes, here, on the side of the line that says "Stand Back - He Bites." Yes, it refers to someone else. Yes, I am very scared he'll come back while I'm still in range. All the more reason for you to be a good chap and pick up the pen for me. That's right. Perfect.

Perfect.

[bevioletskies]

gmmtv + character fashion ↳ ford allan as "por" in my school president (2022)

[jcollinswrites]

How the fudge are you writting so fast??? I sit down to write and end up with nothing or reworking plot instead of writing 😭Have any tips you want to share? Perhaps the ingredients to the dark ritual you perform to get the motivation and remain focused 👀👀👀

So, first of all, you'll need half a newborn, shaken, not stirred…

lol jk (don't shake babies)

Believe it or not I'm the same as you, so here are some stuff that helped me tremendously, especially with my squirrel ADHD brain:

NUMBER ONE that I needed 20 years to learn, is that… forget editing, man. You can't edit if there is nothing to edit, so first you have to sit ya ass down and just fuckin' do it. It doesn't matter if it's shit at first. It's called work in progress for a reason. Who cares if it's shit? You can edit it LATER when the whole thing is already done. What you're reading in my game is literally my first draft. Lots of scenes might change later. In fact, I'm already changing scenes in the background, I'm just not always telling you. It doesn't matter. If anyone gives you shit for it, tell them to kindly fuck right off.

Have a plan for the book (written down. Not just in your head). Don't even start writing until you have a plan for the entire book. It doesn't have to be detailed. Mine is just bulletpoints, but you should know which chapter will contain what, including plot points, character development, relationship progress etc, otherwise you'll get lost, especially in a big IF. And then as you get closer to the next chapter, you can work out more details in the plan to help the actual writing.

If you don't feel like writing a scene, then don't write it. Leave a placeholder word there (I use 'mandarin' because that word likely won't come up anywhere else in the text), and instantly move on to another scene that you have inspiration for. Later, you can just search for 'mandarin' and add the scene when you feel like it. If you accidentally come across any MANDARINs in my game, that's the reason lol.

If you are writing an IF, it helps to start simple. Write the story until a choice comes up, then write the title of the choices, and continue ONLY with the route you feel the most inspired for atm (use mandarin for the rest). Don't let your momentum die by getting bogged down in choices. That's why I have so many greyed out choices when I start a new origin or chapter. I just write write write until the end of the chapter, THEN I go back to whatever choice is the simplest to add, and put the variations in the already-existing text if needed. Repeat until all the choices are written and coded in. This way, the text might feel more organic too, because you already have a pre-written skeleton that you can just add variations in.

Keep notes. It helps to have them on paper, next to you, so f.ex. when you make 9 different deities to choose from, you don't have to go back to the beginning of the chapter every single time to look up which deities those were and what they mean, you can simply turn your head to the side lol.

Take regular breaks. Exercise, stretch. Keep a daily schedule. Eat and drink enough. Try to keep a good health. Your brain won't work if it's starved.

Know yourself and your habits, and be honest with yourself. I know of myself that once I start working on the big plot points, I won't have any motivation to come back to the beginning again. That's why I'm writing all the origin stories first, because I know that if I start going into chapter 2, I definitely won't feel like coming back to start yet another route from the very beginning. So if you don't feel like doing something, then just… don't do it. Or do it simpler. Do it smarter. Trick that asshole brain into cooperating.

Last but not least, guys, 90% of my motivation COMES FROM YOU! Your engagement, your messages, your feedback, every little interaction is what keeps me going! So write me! I will answer! (if you aren't a dick). Literally, about anything. Even if it's just "hey I really liked this small detail here", that will already make my day, seriously. I LOVE talking about my work, and I'm pretty sure every author is like that, so keep engaging with writers, because that's 90% of the reason when a novel gets finished! I'm writing for YOU! Your enjoyment, your fun, because I love telling stories, but those stories don't mean anything if no one is reading them.

[bvnnyl0v3r]

Uuuh imma do one of those note thingies

5 notes per person btw

50 notes and I'll finish/start working on writing/drawings for my oc's

100 notes and I'll start/finish animations

200 notes and I'll show some of the pages of ny written stuff

300 notes and I'll keep working on decorating my room's walls again

400 notes and I'll start an advice acc on tumblr (will explain in tags)

500 notes and I'll finish my book

Good luck, might add stuff later. I will not tag anyone but you can if u wanna.

[jesuis-assez]

↠ Tim & Lucy ↳ 2x10 - The Dark Side

[good-advice-ganondorf]

Ganondorf concept art is always cool, but every single time, you gotta wonder why they insist on drawing his nose like that. It's been almost 30 years since his introduction why is there still always at least one racist looking piece of concept art.

[little-pondhead]

Oops.

While learning to control his powers under the guidance of Clockwork, Danny accidentally curses his own bloodline with the Curse of Sentient Food several centuries in the past. Originally, a witch was supposed to curse his family. Oops. Well, the Fentons were always adapting, and technically, either way, he'd end up battling dino nuggets at three am in his underwear, no matter who the curse came from. So he shrugged and continued on.

Unfortunately, this also means that out of nowhere, the timeline shifted, and some of his very distant relatives are now battling their food into submission at every meal because Danny is ultimately way more powerful than some mortal witch from the 1600s. His version of the curse reached literally everyone he could ever be related to for the last few centuries. Even if they were adopted into the family!

So, returning to the present time after training, Danny is a little startled to see some news clips of people's dinners coming to life and beginning revolutions. Wow, John Fentonightingale really got around, didn't he? He felt a little uncomfortable that now all these random people had to deal with their share of Fenton luck, but from some of the interviews, everyone seemed to be handling it pretty well!

Especially his so-distant-they're-on-another-tree cousins, the Kents, who contacted his family directly, asking how best to prepare a zombie turkey. Their son was coming for Thanksgiving with his new wife and some coworkers, and they just refused to make the guests fight for their lives on a holiday!

They invited the Fentons to join them, of course.

[skunkes]

that "i wish that being aware of a mindset being ridiculous would make it easier to snap out of it" post hitting hard every single day

[danskjavlarna]

Source details and larger version.

All kinds of vintage advice.

[inpursuitofnunchi]

[rjalker]

Giving this part its own post.

Another tip: Let your fucking characters become disabled over the course of the story! If they get their fucking leg chopped off, even if it gets magically fucking reattached, there should be fucking evidence that they lost the fucking leg in the first place! Pain! Reduced sensation! Trouble moving it! Anything to fucking show that the injury fucking happened! Otherwise you just fucking did that to them for no point but to cause cheap, meaningless drama! That's just shit fucking writing!

I don't care if there's magical healing in your universe. I don't care if it's a Super Scifi Future and your character is a robot. (Yes, I am looking directly at The Murderbot Diaries!)

Getting a brand new fucking arm attached after the first one got blown or ripped off should still have physical fucking symptoms! The character noting that it's a different weight from before and constantly being distracted by this! The new arm has faster or slower reactivity to its attempts to move it! Having to learn anew how to do basic shit with a whole new system! Having to try and work with technology that's not actually compatible!!

If your characters receive massive injuries, let those fucking injuries have permanent effects. Stop fucking acting like being disabled is the worst fucking fate imaginable.

And if you don't want your characters' massive traumatic injuries to result in them being permanently disabled........don't fucking have them sustain massive life altering injuries. It's that fucking simple.

By handwaving this shit away and magically fixing everything back to normal, not only are you being ableist as fuck, you're just being an absolutely shitty, lazy writer.

Let your fucking characters become disabled over the course of the story. Your fucking audience will thank you for giving a shit about not only continuity and stakes, but disabled people.