#but i will kill the next person that tells me how to eat eggs

[inbabylontheywept]

you don't need a sous vide machine to sou vie! all you need is some plastic freezer bags and like, a cheap digital thermometer (and a pot for water). you might need to get finicky by adding water to the pot during the process to keep the water a consistent temp.

You: Ah, yes, Egg Guy! Guy who ate 15 raw eggs! Wow! Hey, you seem extremely reasonable and controlled and ludicrously hinged. Like, 20 goddamn hinges on you. More hinges than a door store. May I recommend carefully putting eggs in a bag, putting a thermometer in water, then boiling the egg bag while watching it carefully whilst it rises to temperature? Also keep in mind that any significant mistake in this process will simply result in the worlds largest and least appetizing hardboiled egg clusterfuck.

Me: Oh wow, what a wonderful idea. By the way, I seem to have dropped my pen. Yes, here, on the side of the line that says "Stand Back - He Bites." Yes, it refers to someone else. Yes, I am very scared he'll come back while I'm still in range. All the more reason for you to be a good chap and pick up the pen for me. That's right. Perfect.

Perfect.

[pupkashi]

Ok so can i request something?

Im currently on my period and i feel my insides tearing apart. Im having rough months cause my roomate who was also my best friend got in a fight with me and blamed me for everything (that wasn't even my fault) and my final term exams are here as well :((( imagine all the pressure

Can i get something soft with toru?my period is killing me and I would KILL to have this man with me rn

a/n: me when a bad bitch tells me to write comforting fluff 🫡 in all seriousness i hope this helps you even a smidge my beloved !!! i know how terrible and hurtful fights with friends can be from personal experience and i hope things get resolved for you soon <3 i love u so so so much you sweet summer child I’m so proud of you & best of luck on exams !

masterlist

sundays are your favorite days, you’ve decided.

sunday means you’ll have a warm, lanky, white haired sorcerer asleep next to you when you wake up. his arms tightly wrapped around your torso with his over grown hair tickling the back of your neck.

it’s sunday morning, and satoru is wrapped around you like a koala bear. there’s soft snores coming from the tired sorcerer, making you wonder what time he got home last night. the clock on the nightstand reads 7:42 am, making you smile. you don’t move or try to turn to face your lover, opting instead for reveling in his warm embrace, letting your eyes close softly and listening to his steady breathing.

satoru is awake by the time you wake up again, he’s drawing light circles on your bare arms. you turn around slowly, finding him laying on his side propped up on one elbow with his head in his hand. part of his hair is spiked up every which way, the other completely flat and there’s stray strands of hair all over his forehead.

“morning sweetheart” he whispers, smiling softly as he wipes away an eyelash from your cheek. the pad of his thumb brushes against your cheek, his hands are a bit calloused and rough, but you don’t care. you let your eyes close at the feeling, smiling before fluttering them open again.

“g’morning toru” you whisper back, smiling as he leans forward to press a kiss to your forehead. “d’you get back late last night?” he nods.

“first years had more trouble than i thought they would” he adds on, “you didn’t wait up did you?” there’s a pout on his lips when he sees you nodding.

“not too long though don’t worry” you assure him, flopping onto your back and staring at the ceiling, “knew youd be upset if you found me awake when you got home.” satoru smiles, you had him all figured out and he loved it.

“can’t have my baby losing sleep over me, now can i?” his voice is still raspy and deeper than usual, it makes your stomach flip and your heart stutter.

satoru moves around until he’s got his head resting on your chest, closing his eyes when your fingers find purchase in his hair. you both stay quiet for a bit, your fingers running through his hair and satoru letting his body fully relax under your touch.

“missed you” he mumbles, not opening his eyes. “wish everyday could be like this” the sigh that leaves his lips makes you frown a bit.

“don’t worry angel boy, one day it will be” you assure him, continuing to play with his hair, smiling when you form it into a giant spike before combing it down again. “for now, you wanna make breakfast?”

the sorcerer hums in agreement, standing up and stretching before the two of you head to the restroom, grabbing your respective toothbrushes.

“any plans today?” satoru asks, words jumbled and muffled thanks to the toothbrush in his mouth, but you understand him perfectly. you shake your head ‘no’ the two of you spitting and rinsing your mouths before heading to the kitchen.

there was only one way satoru would eat his veggies, and it’s if you made them in his eggs. while you chopped up some bell peppers, mushrooms and rinsed spinach, satoru put coffee to brew. small talk filling the space of the kitchen as you two slowly woke up.

it’s not long before satoru was wrapping his arms around your waist, letting his head rest on your shoulder as he watched you cook the eggs. he’s placing soft kisses on your neck, smiling when he hears your giggles.

“your hair tickles” you laugh, making no attempt at pushing him off you.

“should i get a trim?” he asks you, laughing when you immediately respond with a quick ‘no!’

before long satoru has two coffees on the dining table, accompanied by two plates of food that you set down moments later. it’s peaceful as the two of you talk, hearing the world outside wake up, cars going up and down the street every five, ten minutes and birds singing sweetly by the bird feeder you’d set up with satoru not long ago.

“think a dove is setting up a nest in the garden” you smile, watching as your lover immediately looks up from his food excitedly.

“really? i told you we should’ve gotten the bird houses!” his eyes are gleaming as he stares out the window, smiling at the sight of two doves at the bird feeder. me and you, he thinks, staying quiet so he could continue to listen to you tell him of the new season premiere tonight.

the day passes slowly, with you two lounging on the couch watching an episode of whatever show you two had started during the week before getting ready for the grocery store.

satoru takes grocery shopping you very seriously, writing down every item you say on a paper list as you check the pantry and fridge. soon enough the two of you are on your way to the store, satoru grabbing a shopping cart and following you as you pick out everything.

he does make himself useful by getting whatever you tell him to, smiling widely when you approve of his fruit picks and sets them in the cart gently. he does all of the heavy lifting, carrying all your groceries in the house in one trip, not even breaking a sweat as he softly sets them down.

the two of you work harmoniously putting everything away, never once bumping into each other and easily understanding what the other wants without having to say a word.

“should we do takeout tonight?” he asks, looking down at you. the two of you freshly showered and now on the couch. your head in his lap as you both wait for the new episode of your show to premiere.

“yeah, what’d you have in mind?” you ask. 20 minutes later the two of you are eating dinner, drinking a bottle of wine satoru picked up on his way back home.

it seems unreal to satoru. being home. no matter how many weekends he spends with you, they all seem to be like a dream. he doesn’t care much for the show on tv, but he still sits with you and watches it for the full hour, listening intently to anything you had to say.

its dark out, and to both you and satoru’s dismay sunday has come and gone all too quickly. you’re both back in bed, in each others warm embrace. conversation topics come and go quickly, the two of you laughing loudly at any little thing.

“oh my god it’s already two in the morning” you gasp, looking at your lover with a shocked expression, “how do we always manage to talk all night?” satoru laughs as you try to pull the blanket over yourself, as if that would instantly make you fall asleep.

“time flies when you’re with the love of your life” he sing songs, joining you under the blanket and looking at you with fond eyes.

“that’s not how that goes” you tease, watching as he rolled his eyes, muttering a ‘come here’ before getting you back in his arms, peppering kisses over your face as you giggle.

“toru you have to be up early!” you scold, the smile on your face is a juxtaposition to your words. and you can’t help but smack him softly when he points it out.

“alright, alright” he sighs, turning off the dim lights and leaving a mixture of moonlight and streetlights illuminating the room. “let’s go to sleep then.”

it doesn’t take long to get cozy, the weeks exhaustion still prominent as you two begin to doze off quickly. satoru tries to keep talking, but his words don’t make much sense as they’re muffled against the top of your head.

“g’night toru, i love you” you whisper, holding him a bit tighter as he replies, already half asleep.

“g’night sweetheart, i love you.”

sunday ends the same way it began. with satoru wrapped around you like a koala, his streaky breathing lulling you to sleep. his body radiating warmth that makes you feel more sleepy. you can hear his soft snores after a couple minutes, it makes you smile.

you don’t dwell on the fact that come tomorrow morning, his side of the bed will be cold and you’ll have to go back to your routine. instead you sigh happily, letting yourself enjoy your lovers company on your favorite day of the week.

taglist (send an ask to be added): @chilichopsticks @anime-for-the-sleepless @safaia-47 @nanamikentoseyebags @fushironi @nineooooo @the-mom-friend-dot-com @gojoshooter @beautiful-is-boring @sweetheart-satoru @luna0713hunter @torusmochi @kentocalls @sadmonke

[space-emperor]

It’s kind of funny to me that the Djesh started as an afterthought/side joke that didn’t feature largely in the plot but have absolutely become the most interesting part of the story to me.

They’re big old parasitic xenomorph-lookin space bug women, right? They do not have a binary sex—only a select few choose to metamorpihize into a reproductively mature imago, while the others remain infertile neonates for their entire lives. Functionally they are all hermaphroditic and can reproduce sexually or asexually depending on environmental pressures. But also: they’re all women. As far as they’re concerned, so is everyone else.

Their closest concept to gender is relational:

A mother is anyone who creates with her body. This could be a literal gestational mother who lays eggs, fertilizes, or gives birth, but it can also mean a creature or person serving as host to the parasitic larvae. A mother in this sense is typically a final, fatal role immediately preceding death.

The Djesh do not distinguish between “mother” and “aunt” but for translation purposes it’s easier to explain with different terms. An aunt is a type of parent who participates in the rearing of young. If a mother or host survives and helps to raise a child, it counts as an aunt-parent. An aunt’s role is to teach and protect and to transmit stories from one generation to the next. An ideal Djesh family consists of many aunts raising young communally—possibly dozens. A family with too few aunts is considered deeply taboo in a way that’s comparable to incest. A Djesh encountering a two-parent nuclear human family for the first time would be horrified and disturbed and have trouble accepting that an intelligent species would reproduce like animals.

A sister is any independent adult who is not actively occupying a parental role. An aunt will revert to sister when her young reach adulthood. An aunt who abandons her role before then is committing a grave taboo—if a Djesh encounters a human who has been deployed on a military or scientific endeavor and left children at home, she will be repulsed and disturbed and potentially hostile.

A daughter is anyone, specifically a child, dependent upon a caregiver. I haven’t made up my mind yet on how this intersects with Djesh conceptions of disability but it’s something I may want to explore.

A Djesh will continue to molt and grow indefinitely. It’s possible that they have the technical capacity for immortality, with no set upper limit. They can regenerate limbs with each molt of their skeletons. As they age, however, the time between each molt grows longer, and the process becomes more difficult and perilous. Because this molting process functions as the only natural limitation on lifespan, there is a taboo against interfering. To succumb to the temptation to help a loved one with a bad molt that would otherwise kill them is to curse them and is a kind of spiritual betrayal… it’s very evil and very, very romantic. The idea of it is horrifying and tragic but they also eat that shit up like it’s Shakespeare.

Most importantly, of course, the Djesh are biologically dependent upon stories. They cannot be Djesh without them. You could incubate and hatch a Djesh egg in a laboratory and provide the larva with all the nutrients it required, but unless you (and, ideally, your entire team) spent time constantly telling it stories, it would never grow into a Djesh. It would survive, sure, but it would take the form of a weird gelatinous animal. This is why Djesh familial units consist of many aunts: the stories and narratives they pass on give Djesh children physical form and act as genetic information more substantially than whatever they inherit biologically. The more stories, the more diverse and robust their DNA-analogue. This is why most Djesh remain neonates and die infertile—they are able to reproduce more effectively by passing down stories than by producing/fertilizing eggs.

Turantirok is sometimes described as the Djesh “religion”. And it is, but only sort of—different populations may have different mythologies and beliefs, but turantirok is better defined as the cosmic force that drives narrative. To other species, Djesh may seem to behave erratically and seemingly act against their own interests. Even those few who manage to get around the language barrier struggle to understand the Djesh, and they are broadly regarded by other species as dangerously insane. In reality, Djesh have an innate instinct for turantirok—they will act according to whatever they believe best furthers a cosmic narrative, up to and including self-destruction. This was an evolutionary adaptation to pass on better stories to their descendants, but now that their planet is incorporated into a galactic civilization, turantirok may be an existential threat.

[thefallennightmare]

Just Pretend-Twenty Three

*gif created by me. feel free to use, simply give credit*

Parings: Noah Sebastian x Musician! Reader

Warnings/Tropes: language, angst, fluff, smut, star-crossed lovers, right person/wrong time, cheating, talks of mental abuse.

Summary: “I can wait for years, heaven knows I’m not getting over you.” A story about two star-crossed lovers, that always find their way back because their souls are entwined. The universe desperately attempts to bring them together, no matter what the cost.

Authors Note: PHASE II comes to an end! Strap in everyone, PHASE III is going to be a smutty ride. Also, please listen to Just Pretend on a constant loop for this chapter. ESPECIALLY AT THE THIRD PERSON POV SECTION. Then you all will finally understand what I meant about 2:23.

PLEASE READ MY JOLLY TWO PART FIC FIKA BEFORE CONTINUING ON TO CHAPTER-24!

FUCK YOU. EAT SHIT. KILL GOD. DETHRONE.

We are Fallenvvitch. Goodnight.

🪽🔮

Collaborating With: @thescarlettvvitch(better give her all the love as well)

Tags: @thescarlettvvitch @ozwriterchick @waake-meee-up @notingridslurkaccount @niicoleleigh @sammyjoeee @xxrainstorm @dominuslunae @notmaddihealy @malice-ov-mercy @crimson-calligraphyx @iknownothingpeople @writethrough @thebadchic @blackveilomens Claudia on Tumblr @tobe-written @blacksoul-27 @loeytuan98 @loverofagoodbeard @comfortcharactercraze @lma1986 @plutonikchaos1 @spicywhenspeaking @lyschko666 @somewhere-diamond @hi-fancy-seeing-you-here @koskeepsake @bngurngheart @shilohrosechicken @emzandthevoid @casangel1986 @qualityvoidcollectorsblog @myownthoughts12 @jilliemiw86 @bellaboo967 @halloweenaesthetic @collapsedglasshouses

JOLLY

As I stood in front of my mirror, I did my best to brush down the stray hairs so it could lay straight with the others. Tonight was important, for some more than others, but regardless, we all wanted to look our best. Noah was more nervous than any of us, only because in his mind he had more to lose. 

“What if she doesn't show up?” He asked this morning during breakfast, moving his scrambled eggs around with his fork. 

Jesse rubbed his shoulder. “She will, Noah. You have to stop doubting her. She’ll be there tonight.”

My phone went off in my hand and my heart skipped a beat when I peaked at the name. 

I hope you have fun at your party tonight. Unfortunately, I’m stuck in bed sick. Had to close down early.

Attached was a picture of what seemed like her bedroom; a television perched up on a black wall with a wide variety of plants around it. She was watching Harry Potter; I immediately noticed which one and what scene. 

Not wanting to overthink, I quickly snapped a picture of myself in the mirror before sending it to her.  

“Now why are you, out of all people, smiling at your phone?” Nicholas wondered as he leaned against the door frame of my bedroom. 

Sliding my phone back into the pocket of my black jeans, I stared at him unamused. 

“Oh,” his eyes lit up. “Is it-?”

“Shut up,” I grumbled while gathering up my things. 

Nicholas held up his hands in surrender. “Alright, alright. Almost ready?” 

“Yeah. How’s Noah?” I wondered while we descended the stairs and came to a halt in the living room. 

“He’s okay, I think,” Nicholas sighed while stuffing his hands into the pockets of his pants. “Nervous, though. We tried telling him that Y/N will be there but you know him; he won’t believe it until his eyes set on her.” 

I nodded. “I’ll talk to him and meet you at the car.” 

Making my way towards the master suite which was secluded off the back hallway, I could hear Noah muttering to himself. The privacy of where this bedroom was located was one of the main reasons we let Noah have it. It was on a different floor than the rest of us so when Y/N eventually moved in, they could feel like it was just the two of them. 

With a soft knock on his open door, Noah peered up from burning holes into the ground. 

“Hey, are you ready?” 

He was sitting on the edge of his bed with his phone lying next to him on the bed, the Calm app opened and playing, but his knee continued to bounce at a rapid pace. His once-styled hair was now a disheveled mess thanks to his hands running through it. 

Noah motioned to his phone. “I’m listening to the new section of “calming your mind when you feel like you’re going to ruin everything.” 

“Is that the real name of the section?” I crossed my arms over my chest

He hesitated. “No”

I pinched my eyes shut with a sigh. “Noah-.” 

“I’m fine,” he reassured me by rising to his feet. “I just needed to collect my thoughts.” 

“Are you nervous about the release?”

“No,” Noah fidgeted with the silver chain around his wrist. “What if she-.”

I pushed myself off the door and stepped into his bedroom, laying my hands on his shoulders; they were shaking. 

“Y/N will be there. She confirmed it with me and Nicholas. Stop worrying, alright? Everything will be fine.” 

“I know. I’m excited, trust me. I just want tonight to go right. For the album and Y/N.  She deserves a good man, and I want to be that.” 

“You are, Noah. Look what you’ve done here,” I motioned to his room. “You set up her vanity, you bought her plants, you bought her cat a fucking cat tree that takes up half the wall in the living room. You’re doing everything right.” 

“Yeah, I suppose you’re right. Y/N thinks I’m pretty awesome. I am awesome, to be honest,” he chuckled.

“And there he is!” I patted his shoulder. “You didn’t go anywhere. You’re simply trying to navigate the new you with another person. Trust yourself. Trust Y/N.”

With a firm nod, I motioned to his outfit. “Ready to go?” 

Noah ran a hand through his hair, still getting used to the short length. 

“Yeah, I think so. Do I look okay?” 

I peered down at his choice of outfit. It was from the new stack of clothes he bought earlier in the week. A snug black turtleneck with the sleeves rolled up to his elbow, showcasing his tattoos. The black dress pants were snug as well. A simple outfit but enough for Y/N. 

“Maybe we should stay at Matt’s or even Malcolm’s place tonight,” I joked. 

He rolled his eyes while playfully pushing my shoulder as my phone buzzed in my pocket. 

“Oh, did she finally decide to be your date tonight?” Noah tried to peer at my phone. 

I turned it away from him. “No, actually she’s home in bed sick.” 

He stepped into his closet only to reappear with a pair of shoes in his hand. “We can bring her some soup. Or some of those Swedish desserts she made. Fuck, those were good.”

“Are you ready yet?” I asked, trying to change the subject. “Everyone is waiting on us.”

Noah patted himself down as he went over his mental checklist. “Shit, I need cologne. Two minutes.” 

I reread Malcolm's text message as he ran into his adjoined bathroom. 

Malcolm: We’ll be a little late. Y/N’s getting ready now but we’ll be there. 

Me: See you guys soon. 

“Ready?” Noah asked, stepping out of the bathroom. 

I nodded while pocketing my phone again. “Yep.” 

MALCOLM

“I fucking hate this shit.” 

Stepping out of the hallway bathroom, I wandered down the long hallway towards the living room where I noticed Chase standing in front of the mirror next to the front door; an undone tie hanging loosely around his neck. 

“Why the fuck do I have to wear a tie?” He grumbled when he saw my reflection in the mirror. 

I chuckled before slinking up behind him and gently turning him to face me. “It’s a big night, Chase. The least we can do is dress up for our friends.” 

He let out a deep sigh but nodded. “I know. I’m just not a suit and tie kind of guy.” 

I paused mid-tying his tie before gazing at his black suit with a red shirt underneath. Tossing the tie onto the couch, I unbuttoned the top few buttons of his shirt, the ink of his chest piece peeking through with the gold chain he wore all the time. 

“Babe, I love you,” Chase started. “But we don’t have time for that.” 

Ignoring him, I smoothed down the front of his jacket. “Leave the jacket open like this. It looks better.” 

He pointed to my burgundy three-piece suit. “You’ve been waiting for a moment to break this one out.” 

I snorted while tying my long auburn hair back into a bun. “Damn straight.” 

Chase laid a gentle kiss on my lips before he retreated into the kitchen to pop open a Celsius. “Did you text Jolly?” 

“Yeah. The plan is still set. We should be getting there before their song plays,” I said. 

“Cool.” 

Chase nodded but I could tell something else was weighing on him. 

“What’s going on?” I asked while sitting against the back of the couch. 

“I’m worried about tonight,” he admitted after a long beat. “It’s been a long time coming. After all the bullshit and miscommunication, I just want things to go perfectly. She deserves that.” 

“It will, Chase. But it’s not up to us. We can get her there but the rest is on them,” I said. 

He ran a tattooed hand over his buzzed head. “I know, I know. How is she doing, anyway?”

“I think she’s okay,” I stuffed my hands in my pockets. “Nervous, though.”

Chase tossed the empty can into the recycling before leaning against the counter, crossing his arms. “Do you think she’ll love what Noah did? With the house and everything?” 

“Of course, she will. Noah-.” 

“Now what are you two handsome boys talking about?” The clicking of heels against the floor echoed in our apartment.

Both Chase and I turned our attention to her and he let out a low whistle. Y/N stood in front of us, decked out in full nines for tonight. The dress she wore gilded along the floor as she walked farther into the room. There was a long slit on the left side of her dress, showcasing the newest tattoo she got on the last tour with Joe. As she gave us a full 360, we marveled at the low-cut back of the dress that showcased her entire back and the large snake tattoo. With the thin straps, the tattoos on her arms were on full display tonight as well. 

“Oh, sweets! Look at you.” 

Y/N brushed her palms against the smooth material of her red dress. “Does it look okay? Is it too revealing? I feel like there may be too much boob with this dress and the open back-.” 

“Y/N,” I stood straighter. “You look absolutely beautiful. Stunning. Noah will love it; you know how much he loves the color red.”

Chase agreed as he left a soft kiss on the side of her head, careful not to mess up the perfect curls. “He’s gonna pass out the minute he sees you.”  

“I don’t think so,” she tried to argue, wringing her hands together. 

“Sweets, you are the moon and he's constantly in your orbit. It’s just you two. All the time,” I said while grasping her hands, and holding them to my chest. 

Y/N’s gaze darted back and forth between mine, the darkness of her eyeshadow making the color of her eyes pop, and she finally nodded. “Maybe you’re right. I do look good in this.” 

“There she is!” Chase hollered while handing over her jacket. 

“Fuck the record! You’re gonna be the belle of the ball,” I cheered. 

We all shared a laugh but as soon as we were about to leave, Salem came bounding down the hall, the bell of his collar ringing loudly. 

“Remind me to ask Noah why he chose the one collar with the loudest bell,” Chase grumbled. 

Ignoring him, I watched as Y/N bent down low when Salem brushed himself against her leg; his way of saying goodbye. 

“Bye, baby. I’m going to see your dad.” She mused while kissing his head, not caring if she messed up her deep red lipstick. 

When Salem meowed, I peered over to Chase, who was already watching the two of them with his own fond smile. I snaked my hand behind his neck to pull him in for a kiss, one that always took our breath away. 

“I love you,” I muttered against his lips. 

Chase rarely ever smiled, only for me and Y/N, so when he did now my heart fluttered in my chest like it always did. 

“I love you too,” he placed another kiss on my lips. “Alright, let’s go. We don’t want the belle being late to her own ball.” 

Y/N walked out of the apartment before us however before I could follow, Chase held me back. 

“I’ll bet you $5 they meet in the middle of the fucking room like some rom-com.” 

I scoffed while patting his chest. “I’ll bet you $5 they start making out 15 minutes in.”

“You’re on.” 

We sealed our deal with another kiss before Y/N’s voice rang out in the front yard, the stars and moon casting her in an angelic glow. 

“Come on lovebirds! I can’t be late! My prince is waiting!” 

THIRD PERSON POV

Y/N smiled politely as she maneuvered her way through the crowd of familiar faces. The House of Blues was packed tonight with people here to support Bad Omens. Their third album was minutes away from being released for the public and for everyone in this room to hear. It was a huge, long-awaited event so they threw this party together for their closest friends and other musicians that were signed to the same label as them. 

“Y/N!” A somewhat familiar face beamed with their arms outstretched. 

Y/N cursed when she couldn’t remember this girl's name although she did remember they were signed to the same label. 

“Hi,” Y/N smiled. “It’s so good to see you-.” 

Chase muttered low in her ear. “Reign. Guitarist for Tonight We Sleep.

“Reign!” Y/N nodded. 

“I heard Hollow Souls was on tour with nothing, nowhere. How was that?” Reign wondered. 

“It was a great time. But we’re thankful to be back home for a few months,” Malcolm answered. 

Can you see yourself?

Through the bruises when the makeup melts?

In the dark when all the powers out?

Everybody talks and gets around.

As Malcolm and Chase continued their conversation with Reign, Y/N froze when Noah's melodic voice echoed through the speakers of the venue. The richness of it was something she’d never heard from him. She had only heard two of their new songs so far, this one was new to her. She couldn’t help but feel frozen as she let the beat of the music hit low in her chest. 

Across the room, Noah was doing his best to remain professional as someone who was a friend of a friend kept commenting on how wonderful the first song sounded. 

“I love what I’ve heard so far!” 

Noah nodded with a firm smile. “Thank you. Also, thank you for coming out tonight. Means a lot to me and the rest of the guys.” 

After politely excusing himself, he found Jolly off in a different spot of the venue, typing away on his phone. 

“Any luck?” He wondered. 

Jolly rested a hand on Noah’s shoulder, giving it a reassuring squeeze. “She’ll be here, man. You need to stop stressing out about it and enjoy the party. We made it. We’re finally here after writing this album for the last two years.” 

Noah stuffed his hands into the pockets of his black dress pants and nodded while keeping his head down, dark tendrils of hair falling into his face. “I know.” 

Only a few feet behind the two men stood Chase and Y/N who were busy chatting with Bryan and Matt. 

“I really like the new look, Y/N,” Matt smiled as he motioned to her hair. 

She smiled with a red hue to her cheeks and tucked a strand behind her ear. “Thank you. I thought I was due for one.” 

“How was tour?” Bryan asked. 

Tell me what's mine and tell me what's yours

Why I never got a say, never got a choice?

Tell me what's mine and tell me what's yours

And why I never ever got a fucking say?

Chase’s conversation with the other two fell on deaf ears as Y/N once again stood frozen as the familiar lyrics touched her ears. The haunting memory of when she first heard it in her car all those months ago was still fresh, like an aching wound that hadn’t freshly healed yet. She wouldn’t hold that lapse in judgment over Noah, not when they both were trying to heal from dark moments of their pasts. 

Quietly excusing herself from the guys, Y/N wandered over to the mini bar, the ends of her red dress flowing behind her. 

“Hi, what can I get you?” The young man with bright green eyes behind the bar asked. 

“Dr. Pepper, please,” she smiled. 

As she waited for her drink, Y/N leaned her elbow on the bar and rested her chin in her palm. She’d been here for almost thirty minutes and still no sign of Noah. She knew he was here; he had to be. 

Outside in the front entry of the venue, Noah tried to pay attention to the story someone was rambling on about but the only thing in his mind was Y/N and if she was here yet. The anticipation of seeing her again was palpable, almost weighing him down, but he couldn’t allow himself to fall back into that state of anxiety he was in earlier. He had to heed Jolly’s words and trust that Y/N would show up. 

I know I'm gonna die in this bed I made.

And I'm drowning in a dream that I can't escape.

If I could wake up I'd hesitate.

Politely excusing himself, Noah decided that he needed a glass of water to help with the sudden dryness of his mouth. There were people everywhere, always stopping him to chat. While he loved the praise and support for the new album, he only had one focus since he stepped foot into this building. 

“Noah!” 

Cursing under his breath, he turned swiftly to see an old friend, someone he hadn’t spoken to in a few years. At this moment, Noah was suddenly wishing he kept the album release party to strict friends and family. 

“Dude this album is sick! The cover is amazing! What inspired it?” 

Noah did his best to make it seem like he was interested in the guy’s questions but truth be told, he really couldn’t give a fuck. 

“Uh, I was browsing through Pinterest,” he answered honestly while gazing over the man’s shoulder. 

“That’s so cool! I love that. You know-.” 

A sudden flash of red caught Noah’s attention so he quickly patted the guy's shoulder. “Hey, I’m sorry, if you’ll excuse me.”

Noah made it all of a few steps before someone else stopped him. “Noah!” 

He stopped and rolled his eyes while internally groaning. He could not feel any lower at this moment as he began to feel like this was another moment set up for doom.

But that glimmer of hope in his chest sparked when he spotted those familiar auburn curls and the shaved head that belonged to the two members of Hollow Souls. So before this new conversation could start, Noah once again politely excused himself and reached Chase and Malcolm in a few quick strides. 

“Hey, guys. Is Y/N-?” 

Chase nodded. “She’s here, don’t worry. She was just with us but someone dragged her away for a minute.”

Cursing, Noah ran a hand through his hair for what seemed like the third time in a matter of minutes. It was the only thing he could do to keep his hands busy so they wouldn’t shake. 

“Can you tell her I’m looking for her?” He asked. 

“Of course,” it was Malcolm’s turn to nod. 

In the middle of the large circle of people, Y/N was smiling as Jolly was telling her all about his last few weeks and frequent stops somewhere. 

“She sounds lovely, Jolly. I can’t wait to meet her,” she took a small sip of her soda. 

Jolly shrugged while fiddling with the zipper of his jacket. “It’s still early. Who knows if she’s even interested.” 

Y/N rested a hand on his arm. “Don’t doubt yourself, Jolly. She gave you her number, right?” 

When he nodded, she continued. “Trust me, she’s interested.” 

They chatted for a few more minutes before Y/N excused herself, needing to get a refill of her soda. It was a long night ahead and needed all the caffeine she could get. The clicking of her heels on the marbled floors echoed over the loud chatter of everyone but soon halted when the next few beautifully haunting melodies of Noah’s voice sang throughout the room. 

I made another mistake, thought I could change.

Thought I could make it out.

Promises break, need to hear you say.

You're gonna keep it now.

Memories of her and Noah in the backseat of his car flooded Y/N’s mind and she let her eyes flutter shut, gently touching her lips. It was as if she could remember the way he tasted that night after the pier and fireworks. 

I miss the way you say my name.

The way you bend, the way you break.

Your makeup running down your face.

The way you fuck, the way you taste.

That night didn’t end the way either of them wanted it to. But tonight would be different. There was no way Y/N would be leaving 

“I don't understand where she’d be. How haven't I seen her yet?” Noah grumbled while fidgeting with the silver chain around his neck. 

Nicholas chuckled while taking a sip of his drink. “Relax, Noah. You’ll find each other soon. There’s a lot of people here and chances are she got caught up with some of them.” 

Folio reached them with a bright smile. “I just ran into Y/N. You’re not going to believe-.” 

“Where?” Noah’s eyes widened. 

“By the bathrooms. She looks good, Noah. She cu-” 

He didn’t bother waiting for Folio to finish before he pushed his way through the crowd toward the bathrooms. 

You couldn't wait, wait, wait.

For the day, day, day I lost.

It's such a shame, shame, shame.

You couldn't change, look what it cost, ohh.

“You haven’t found him yet?” Chase asked as he, Malcolm, and Y/N sat on one of the couches in the venue. 

“No,” she sighed while fidgeting with the silver chain around her neck. “I’ve seen everyone else but him. I don’t understand where he could be. It’s like he’s avoiding me.” 

“No,” Malcolm sternly shook his head. “Don’t think like that. He’s here and looking for you.”

“How come I haven’t seen him then? This place isn't huge, Malcolm.” 

“But it’s packed with people, he probably got caught mingling. Just relax. Have another Dr. Pepper, will you?” Chase motioned to the minibar. 

Reluctantly, Y/N nodded while rising to her feet and making her way over there for another drink.

I don't wanna know all your secrets 'cause I'll tell.

It's hard enough being alone with myself.

I don't know how long I'll be holding on.

I know you tried your hardest, I know that you meant well.

But you pushed me to the edge and I slipped, and then I fell.

I don't know how long I'll be holding on.

“Everything alright?” Jesse asked Noah, who was starting to look defeated. 

“I’ve talked to everyone in this fucking room,” he ran a hand over his face. “I’ve done enough mingling for the night.” 

“I’ll get us a couple of drinks,” Jesse offered. 

Noah waved him off. “No, I’ll get it.” 

Both Noah and Y/N were slowly starting to lose hope that they would find each other, all while the rest of their friends were worried the two soulmates would miss their mark. Two songs left and if things didn’t go according to plan, everything would have been for nothing. 

Y/N leaned against the wall in the secluded hallway, alone for the first time all night as she gathered her thoughts. Her feet were killing her from the heels and her cheeks ached from all the fake smiling tonight. She understood she needed to mingle with people tonight but frankly, she was over it. The only thing Y/N wanted was to find Noah; her heart and soul yearned for him. 

I'm taking it slowly, you'd never know.

How quick it gets lonely here at the top.

Her skin feels unholy, but I'm still drawn.

The morals I'm holding, you know they're gone.

Snapping her gaze up from the floor, she let Noah’s deep voice sink deep into her bones as she sucked in a breath. 

No God, no religion.

Just bad, bad decisions.

No God, no religion.

Just bad, bad decisions.

“No,” she shuddered, remembering that night all those months ago in that hotel room. 

It should have been a great memory. At the end of their evening that night, there was a feeling in her gut that said, “no,” due to the fears of the past and the weight of burdens others cast onto her. When she walked away from him in that hotel room, Y/N believed it was what started the downward spiral into the dark parts of her life. 

You can be all I got, what's the difference?

Hennessy and a lot of bad decisions

All I know, all I know

Is bad, bad decisions

The image of Noah sitting in the airport the morning after was something Y/N tried so hard to forget. It haunted her for a long time after, all those days locked away in her bedroom as she talked with Keaton. In those times of darkness, he seemed to be the only one to give her an answer without ever speaking. 

“I won’t walk away from him again, Keaton,” Y/N muttered while grasping the chain around her neck. “I’ll stay until morning.” 

I'm only human, but I'm afraid.

I may never learn from all my mistakes.

Don't know what I'm doing but that's okay.

'Cause I like it that way.

Another feeling in her heart that said, “Yes.” 

Noah wasn’t like anyone else, he claimed to be someone mundane, with nothing to offer when in fact, he offered her the entire world that night with just a smile and those shining auburn eyes. 

Bitter ends to the nights.

I'm along for the ride.

Out of breath, out of time.

Everything has a price.

Bitter ends to the nights.

I'm along for the ride.

Out of breath, out of time.

Everything has a price.

When people choose to be brave in love instead of being the puppets of fear, everything seems to get better. It became gradual. Y/N decided to make the right choice, the one she believed in.

Pushing herself off the wall, she forced her way through the crowd ignoring people who tried to get her attention. The vision of Chase and Malcolm a few feet in front of her was her current target until the siren-like voice of Noah made her stop completely in the middle of the room. 

I'm not afraid of the war you've come to wage against my sins.

I'm not okay, but I can try my best to just pretend.

Noah immediately sat straighter on the couch, nearly dropping the glass of water, as those lyrics rang out into the vast space of the room. 

No, they were supposed to be together at this moment. Not far apart. 

This was their song.

So will you wait me out?

Or will you drown me out?

So will you wait me out?

Or will you drown me out?

Everyone around Y/N faded to white noise as she stared blankly ahead toward Chase and Malcolm, who watched their sister with confused expressions. Something about the way Noah’s voice sang with so much emotion told her everything she needed to know. 

This was their song. 

I can wait for you at the bottom.

I can stay away if you want me to.

I can wait for years if I gotta.

Heaven knows I ain't getting over you.

Noah bolted up from the couch. “I need to find her.” 

Michael and Orie shared a look before the former stood slowly. “Noah-.” 

“NO!” His head snapped towards Michael. “We needed to be together for this song. It’s not-. It won't feel right unless she’s with me.” 

Neither man made comments on the way Noah’s voice cracked, so close to breaking down. Instead, they nodded and agreed to help him find Y/N. 

I know the pain that you hide behind the smile on your face.

And not a day goes by where I don't think I feel the same.

So many different memories flashed in Y/N’s mind as she let Noah’s voice sing to her; sing their song to her. 

So will you wait me out

Or will you drown me out?

So will you wait me out

Or will you drown me out?

The first meeting when he stepped off the bus. Their day at the zoo and the wolf stuffed animal he bought her. The day at the beach where she told him it couldn’t rain all the time. 

It seemed as if the rain had finally seized. 

I can wait for you at the bottom

I can stay away if you want me to

I could wait for years if I gotta

Heaven knows I ain't getting over you

Y/N remembered her birthday and how Noah bought her the necklace and bracelet she was currently wearing. 

We'll try again.

When we're not so different.

We will make amends.

'Til then I'll just pretend.

There was something there in the distorted part of the song, something that Y/N immediately caught and let out an audible gasp, hand covering her mouth. Another memory plagued her existence; the pier day. 

“Noah! Stop!” She giggled while wrapping her arms around his neck.

“What?” Noah stopped spinning. “Let you go?”

Y/N shrieked as he nearly dropped her. “No, you idiot! Don’t let me go!”

Weigh down on me, stay 'til morning.

Way down, would you say I'm worthy?

“Sweets,” Chase tentatively approached Y/N, resting a hand on her elbow. “Are you alright?” 

She shook her head, eyes brimming with tears, as she stared up at Malcolm and Chase while stumbling over her words. “I-I-I have to find Noah. I need to-I can’t.” 

Malcolm nodded. “Ok, we will. Let’s split up and-.” 

As if the stars were finally aligning in perfect harmony, something told Y/N to glance to her left, that pull in her heart she never ignored when it came to Noah vibrating with so much energy it made her choke on a breath. 

Weigh down on me, stay 'til morning

Way down, would you say I'm worthy?

The music seized for a few seconds as Noah let out a choked breath when his amber eyes finally landed on her, their gazes locking. Everything and everyone seemed to fall away from them into the depths below their feet. His palms began to sweat as his ear rang loudly. His pulse rate quickened as his heart began to beat so hard he felt it in his throat. 

Y/N and Noah were the only two that mattered at this moment and right when Folio’s drumming picked up again in the song, they pushed their way through the crowd toward each other. 

I can wait for you at the bottom

I can stay away if you want me to

I could wait four years if I gotta

Heaven knows I ain't getting over you

Y/N couldn’t contain the tears anymore as she maneuvered her way past people who continued to try and get her attention. None of them mattered. The only one that did was now less than a few feet away from her; their souls vibrating for the connection it drastically missed. 

We'll try again

When we're not so different

We will make amends

They were no longer different. Y/N and Noah grew immensely with their time apart and now they were finally ready to become one.

'Til then I'll just pretend.

There was no more pretending anymore. Every bad, good, ugly, and beautiful that these two went through was worth it for this moment. This is what all of their friends and they had been waiting for. 

Weigh down on me, stay 'til morning

Way down, would you say I'm worthy?

Y/N would stay until morning; every morning.

Weigh down on me, stay 'til morning

Way down, would you say I'm worthy?

Noah was worthy. 

READER 

My heart was beating so fast in my chest that I could hear it in my ears and feel it in my throat when I came to a halt in front of Noah. Even though he looked different, he was still my Noah. 

“Hi-.” 

My greeting was cut off when his large hand wrapped behind my neck to yank me towards him, his lips crashing against mine. Very quickly, my hands grasped at his shirt to feel if he was actually in front of me and not another dream. 

But his lips were real. The taste of his tongue was real as it forced its way into my mouth to mold against mine. I moaned into the kiss when his hands grasped at my backside as if he wanted to commit every last curve to memory. The other kisses we’ve shared were intense, but this was the kiss that sent my mind spinning. I moaned again, leaning into his embrace and meeting his passion. My teeth caught his bottom lip and tugged as I wrapped my arms around his neck, fingers playing with the ends of his hair and our bodies were pressed against each other.

The smell of his cologne, the soft and peachy scent of his conditioner was dizzying and the butterflies danced in my stomach. 

When he nibbled on my bottom lip before devouring my mouth once again with his tongue, I couldn’t stop myself from grinding my hips into his. I missed every single part of him and my soul was screaming its thanks for finding its mate once again. 

Noah’s lips were soft, almost silken, and pillowy against my own. They parted slightly, allowing my tongue to slip inside. I could faintly taste the mint from his toothpaste and apple cider he must have drank earlier. 

My eyes were half closed and I had a feeling Noah's eyes were as well because of how focused this kiss was, as if he was burning it into his memory. Almost like he was afraid I would vanish; slip through his fingertips as they dug into the material of my dress. 

No, never again.

Noah nudged his nose against mine, and our mouths fell lazily together, already soft and open.  I could feel the soft tickle of his breath beneath my nose, fingers carding through his hair as we breathed each other in. I could taste our shared breath, and feel the thud of our combined heartbeat.

I wanted to open my eyes to get a better look at his too-dark eyebrows. The freckles that peppered his nose and cheeks. I needed to admire the new crazy, vampire hairline. I desperately wanted to observe all of him. Burn it into memory. 

I recalled at that moment that this wasn’t the end. No, this was the beginning and I could always bear some witness. My mouth was beginning to tire.

Noah’s kisses were all-absorbing like he was drawing something out of me with soft little jabs of his chin. The stubble was gone, much to my dismay, and I ran my hands down over his broad chest, nails scraping along the silver chain across his neck, something I noticed when I finally pulled away and opened my eyes. 

It mirrored the one that hung on my neck. 

Peering up through my lashes, I was finally able to drink in the sight of Noah and his kiss-bruised lips. His pupils were blown wide as his large hand cupped my cheek, thumb brushing the lone tear that fell. 

“Hi,” Noah breathed. 

I couldn't help but giggle while wrapping my arms around him. “Hi.” 

His eyes scanned my face while still holding my face. “You’re here. You’re real.” 

“Were you expecting a ghost?” I teased with a raised brow.

“No, no I just-,” he trailed off with a shake of his head. 

“I know,” I squeezed him. “I’m here.” 

“Let’s go somewhere where we can talk?” Noah suggested. 

“Please.”

I let him link our fingers together, bringing my hand to his lips to leave soft kisses against each knuckle before wrapping an arm around me to lead me outside. As if he couldn’t believe I was in his embrace, Noah kissed my cheek a few times, causing a fit of laughter to echo in the room. 

I did my best to ignore Chase and Malcom when we walked past them, the latter handing the former some cash. 

JESSE

Friends, friends of friends all disappeared, reappeared, made plans to go somewhere, and then lost each other, searched for each other, and found each other a few feet away.

Noah and Y/N broke apart from their kiss engulfed in one another. 

What a man like Noah will store up in his ghostly heart no amount of fire or freshness can be challenged. He tried very hard not to dwell on the past but oftentimes found himself there. The past few months, I noticed my friend trying to move on from the stories that haunted him. 

Noah wanted to recover something, some idea of himself perhaps, that had gone into loving Y/N, himself, and hell even the band. His life had been confused and disordered since I met him, yet a light and new spark of glory came breaking through that concrete surface.

I looked at them both as they took slow strides across the room, towards the glass doors that led to the back deck of The House of Blues. Noah was looking down at Y/N as she talked, her low, thrilling voice. It was the kind of voice that the ear followed up and down as if each speech was an arrangement of notes that would never be played again. 

Y/N’s face was happy and lovely with bright things in it, bright eyes, and a bright passionate mouth. I could tell there was excitement in her voice by the way Noah was grinning from ear to ear, fingers tangling in her new locks. 

He was so beautifully whipped and I couldn’t be more pleased. I fucking knew it would work out. 

Glancing across the room towards our larger group of friends; our family and we all shared a nod and a smile.

Finally.

With that, I slunk off in the direction of the cocktail table, the only place in the garden where a single man could linger without looking purposeless and alone.

READER

As soon as we stepped outside, I tied my jacket closer to my chest while Noah led me to a bench. Once we were seated, his arm pulled me closer to him, his lips brushing along my hairline. 

“I’ve missed you, angel.” 

I leaned into him while grazing my fingers against the back of his neck. “I missed you too, Noah. I also love your haircut.” 

He went rigid. “Are-are you sure? I know how much you loved the long hair but I felt like I needed to see the back of my neck again.” 

I reassured him with a smile. “Don’t get me wrong, I think your long hair will always be my favorite but this is nice too. It suits you. Reminds me of Levi.” 

“You caught that?” Noah chuckled. 

“Oh immediately,” I brushed away the strands that fell into his eyes. “You know how much of a sucker I am for Captain Levi. But honestly, you look wonderful, mochi.” 

He scrunched his face. “I still give off the mochi vibe for you?”  

“You’re mochi, you will always be my little mochi,” I cooed while pinching his cheeks. 

Noah grabbed my hands and brought them to his lips. “I don’t want to be called that, by anyone but you. Just you.”

“Good, because the nickname stays,” I smiled. 

It was his turn to run his fingers through my hair, a faint smile pulling at his lips. 

“You cut and dyed your hair?” 

Now it was me who felt nervous being assessed by his eyes and I shifted next to him. “Yeah, I felt like I needed a change. I’m sorry if it’s not as flattering as before but I-”

He immediately hushed my words with a gentle kiss on my lips. “You look beautiful, Y/N.” 

My hands were sprawled over his chest and it was then that I noticed the glimmer of a silver chain under the moonlight from above. I tilted my head at it when I noticed how familiar it looked. 

“Wait,” I grasped his necklace. “Is this?” 

“Uh, yeah,” Noah rubbed the back of his neck. “When I bought your set for your birthday, I bought myself a set as well. You’re wearing yours?” 

Immediately I lifted my wrist to his face while showing the necklace with the other. “I haven’t taken them off since I found them in my dresser drawer. The day of my live stream.” 

His fingers grazed down the side of my neck, over my collarbone to fiddle with my necklace. “I know. I noticed it right away.” 

We sat in silence for a quick beat but I could tell something was weighing heavily on Noah’s mind, his eyes cast down to not meet my gaze. I lifted his chin with a knuckle to force him to look at me. 

“What are you thinking about?” I wondered. 

His almond eyes glistened. “I know you only heard a few of the songs so far but I need to be honest with you and apologize if some of these songs hit a nerve. I wrote a few of them when I was really upset. Bad Decisions especially.” 

I linked our fingers together to rest them on my lap. “I know.” 

“I needed to get through whatever we were doing and going through. I don’t want to upset you or anything.” 

“No, Noah. You didn’t. I should have considered your feelings when I pushed you away that night. None of that was right, and I’m sorry it took so long for me to realize just how much you mean to me. I’ve always been yours, Noah, and I'm sorry I made you go through that.”

His brows furrow while shaking his head. “Angel, it’s not all on you. Listen, I’m moving past the anger and frustration. All the fear and panic. I’m trying to look at things more healthily. I accept your apology. It’s taken me a long time to come to terms. We both have had a lot to work through. I was talking to my therapist and she told me that  acceptance of things we cannot change is the first step.“

“Wait,” I blinked while turning my body to face him. “Your therapist?”

“Uh, yeah,” he ran a hand over his chin, suddenly nervous. 

“Noah, that’s amazing. I’m proud that you’re talking to someone. I am too. My therapist, Dr. Poulos, is wonderful. She’s been helping me a lot.” 

Now it was him who blinked while shaking his head. “Hang on. What’s your therapist's name?” 

I pursed my lips. “Dr. Poulos.” 

“The small office on W. 9th Street? It has that new cafe next to it?” 

I nodded slowly, still not understanding. “Yeah, I still have to try their coffee. But I’m not following.” 

“Y/N, we've been seeing the same therapist,” Noah informed with a light chuckle. 

My eyes widened. “No way.” 

“I swear. She has that dying plant-.” 

“On the shelf behind her chair!” I finished while pointing a finger, my own fit of giggles filtering into the night air. 

“Do you think she knew that we were talking about each other?” Noah asked. 

“She had to! There’s no way she didn’t,” I said, still laughing, and ended up leaning against the bench to gaze up at the stars. “It seemed the universe kept trying to keep us together in our time apart.” 

Noah mimicked my actions. “I think so too.” 

Neither of us said anything for a long moment, enjoying the quiet of the night air with the subtle noise from the party inside. Neither of us was in a rush to go back in, simply enjoying our time together. 

“Can I be vulnerable with you right now?” I said suddenly, breaking the silence, while turning my head to face him. 

Noah gazed over to me, eyes filled with love. “Always, angel.” 

“She asked me why I loved you.” 

His brows peaked with interest. “Oh, what did you tell her?” 

I only thought about my answer for a brief moment, figuring out the best way to let out everything I feel about him. “I love you for many things; your passions, your love, your friendships, and brotherhood. Your beauty and nature. I despised the pain you went through.” 

Sitting farther up, I traced my fingers over the exposed tattoos on his forearms. “I love you so deeply, so incredibly much, that I wanted to find a way to come back to you despite my condition, and past keeping me in fear.”

It was true. My endometriosis had hindered me for years. Trey made me believe that no man would stay with me because of it; especially Noah. He wanted a family and I was keeping him from that. 

But never once did Noah make me feel that way. He made me feel as if he would be by my side no matter what we decide to do in the future. 

I let out a shaky breath before continuing. “Ever since I was diagnosed with endometriosis, the fear of whether I'd ever be able to have kids kept me from finding the happiness I deserved. So I settled for what I thought I deserved until you came into my life.” 

Noah’s fingers grazed over the back of my neck. 

“You showed me that my condition doesn't have to mean the end for my future. I have choices. So thank you for that.” 

He brushed his lips over my forehead and I grasped at his sides. “Of course, angel. Can I be honest with you?” 

Peering up at him, I nodded. “Please.” 

“Would kids be nice?” Noah licked his lips. “Yes. But if it’s not for us, then I’m okay with it. As long as I have you and Salem, then that’s all I need.” 

“Are you sure?” I asked. “Because if I can’t give you a child, you might say you’re fine now but who knows years down the road.”

He cupped my cheeks now. “I promise you. You’re it for me, angel.” 

Noah then brushed back the hair from my face, tracing a finger over my jawline before speaking again. 

“You know, one of the things I discussed in therapy was how I believed I’ve spent every life before this one searching for you. Hoping that we would find each other again, and maybe the stars will have changed, and we will not only love each other in that time, but for all the times we’ve had before.” 

I trailed a red nail down his chest. “You know, Malcolm also said something about our past lives.” 

This piqued Noah’s interest as he gave me a smug smile. “Oh, yeah? Folio thought the same thing.” 

“Of course, he would,” I snorted. “Did he also think you saved me from a burning building that was set on fire by my long-lost brother?” 

Noah’s chest rumbled in laughter. “He said I fell in love with you after one wild night of sex and you came on the road with me.” 

“Oh, I like the sound of that life. It probably would make a great story to read online,” I mused while leaning into him, allowing Noah to wrap his arm around my shoulder. 

“I’m so happy you’re here tonight, angel. But I hope you know I’m not letting you leave here without me, right?” He muttered against the side of my head. 

I wrapped my arms around his side to bury my face into his chest. “I wasn’t leaving without you. Even if you decided not to wait for me anymore.” 

“There’s no universe where we aren't together, Y/N. We can’t outrun each other. I love you.” 

With his long fingers lifting my chin, the softness of his lips molded against mine and a gentle but firm kiss. His tongue brushed over my bottom lip, asking permission before slipping inside. I moaned into it, reveling in his taste. Sparks shot off inside of me, igniting my cells with such heat, my pussy throbbed in anticipation. 

“Stay the night with me?” Noah nibbled against my bottom lip

“Nowhere else I’d rather be,” I breathed before devouring him once again. 

NOAH

With Y/N’s hand in mind, I led her up the driveway towards the house, the sound of her heels clicking against the pavement. 

She pulled me to a stop while groaning. “Hang on a second.” 

“Everything alright?” I asked, worried that she was changing her mind and wanted to go home. 

Bending at her knees, Y/N made quick work of taking off her heels. 

“I suddenly remember why I hate wearing heels,” she groaned again. “My feet are killing me.” 

Quickly, I scooped her up in my arms to carry her bridal style up the rest of the way to the front door. 

“Noah,” she giggled. “I can walk.” 

“You’re insane if you think you’re going to walk in the dirt then on my clean floors,” I joked. 

Y/N rolled her eyes dramatically. “You’re such a clean freak.” 

Ignoring her comment, I reached into my pocket awkwardly to reach for my keys and unlocked the door. My mind was working in overdrive on how to make the rest of our night perfect. 

Would she like the house? 

Would she appreciate what I’ve done in my room for her? 

Would she actually stay? 

Stepping over the threshold, I set her down gently in the dark room before clicking on the light, allowing Y/N to take in the fresh scenery. 

“Oh wow,” she muttered while looking at me over her shoulder. “It’s a lovely place, Noah.” 

I did my best to smile through my nerves and ran a hand through my hair. “Did you want something to drink? If you want a beer, I’m sure one of the guys won’t mind if you take one of theirs. I actually don't drink anymore.” 

“You don’t?” She asked. 

“No,” I now rubbed the back of my neck. “I’m actually sober. I have been for the last few weeks. I had to, for a few reasons, but it was something I wanted to do.” 

Y/N walked into my embrace, wrapping her arms around me, and laid her chin on my chest as she looked up at me. 

“I’m proud of you, Noah. I know it might not have been easy and it still may not be. But I’m proud of all your accomplishments. And I’m happy to be by your side for it.” 

I kissed her forehead. “Come on, I think I have a Dr. Pepper in the fridge.” 

“Oh no. If I have any more caffeine I’ll be a jittery mess. I’m fine right now. Why don’t you show me around?” 

Nodding, I spent the next while showing her around the house, upstairs first to where the guy's rooms and the studio were. It was when we were back downstairs and in the open space of the living room and kitchen that she paused while pointing to the large cat tree opposite the large bay window. 

“Who has a cat?” 

My cheeks flushed as I shifted on my feet. “It’s for Salem. I thought it would be nice for him the next time I have to watch him when you’re out of town or something.” 

“You didn’t have to do that, Noah,” she said with a shaky breath. 

I could see the tears welling in her eyes but made no mention of it. Instead, I linked our hands together and kissed the back of hers. “I know but I wanted to.” 

“I like the couch,” she nodded towards it; the large evergreen sectional.

I smiled wildly. “Thanks, it’s a dope couch. I’d been wanting something like this for a while.” 

“So,” she cleared her throat. “Are you going to show me your bedroom?” 

“Trying to get me into bed already, angel,” I mused while yanking her into my embrace. 

Her hair flew behind her shoulders with the sudden pull and she held herself up by her one hand on my chest, the other still locked with mine. 

“I’m tired,” she shrugged. “It’s been a long day.” 

Smiling at her joke, I lightly dragged her down the hallway towards the master suite but she stopped in front of a closed door. 

“What’s this room?” 

My face twitched. “Oh, just storage space.”

She narrowed her eyes, almost seeing through my life. “Storage space? You sure you’re not creating a room for all your awards and nominations are you?” 

“Ha ha,” I mocked while booping her nose. “Very funny my little flower but that’s a no.”

Y/N was taken aback. “Did you just boop my nose?”

“I did, you have a cute nose,” I shrugged as if it was nothing. 

The memory of our hike that one morning when she said the same thing to me fluttered in my mind and I smiled fondly at it. 

“Now if I’m not mistaken, I was the one that said you had a cute nose.” 

She tried to boop my nose but instead, I grabbed her wrist and spun her to face the other door across the hall. 

“Do you want to see my bedroom or not?” I wondered. 

“Very much,” she leaned her head against my shoulder as I guided her through the door. 

We stood in utter darkness, our breathing sounding so loud in the enclosed space, as I brushed my nose along her neck to breathe in her familiar scent. It made my cock twitch in my pants and I internally groaned, wanting to envelope myself into her. 

“Do you guys always sit in the dark or what?” 

Stepping away from her, reluctantly, I clicked on the light of the room, Y/N’s loud gasp echoing. She brought her hand to her mouth as she took in every inch of the bedroom. 

The large king-sized bed with the sage green duvet blanket and six pillows. The burnt orange throw blanket was thrown haphazardly on. Lined on the wall behind the headboard were the LED lights casting the room in a faint red glow. 

The large walk-in closet that only one side was filled with clothes and shoes, the other side bare; waiting to be filled. 

The plants littered almost every inch of the shelves of my bookshelves and end tables on either side of the bed. 

But when Y/N’s eyes landed on the vanity in front of the window that overlooked the small creek in the backyard, I noticed her breath catch. It still had a few of the figurines I bought her and empty containers, waiting to be filled to the brim with her products. 

“What’s this?” She gazed over at me. 

I stuffed my hands into my pockets. “It’s your vanity table. I didn’t buy you a chair yet because I wanted you to try ones out that you’ll like. I figured you’d be sitting there while you do your hair and makeup so you’d want to be comfortable. And I didn’t bother buying products cause I don’t know what works best for you. So I figured we could go shopping and you can buy whatever you want or need when you’re here.  That way you don’t have to lug everything back and forth.” 

“Noah,” her voice trailed off. 

“Chase and Malcolm told me that you have all your products jammed into a suitcase so I got you the biggest one that would fit in this space,” I said while running my hand on the dark surface to brush away the nonexistent dust. 

“They knew about this?” Y/N asked as she fumbled with one of the skulls. 

It had a crow resting on it with red flowers. 

Then she picked up the Valak figure, the faintest of smiles on her gorgeous face.  

“Yeah. They told me a few things but a lot I remembered from what you already have in your bedroom. I wanted you to feel like you have a place here, angel,” I spoke. 

She, however, hadn’t said much and it began to make me worry. Maybe I did too much. Pushed her somehow with everything. 

“If it’s too much, I can-.” 

“No!” Y/N whirled her head to me. “It’s not. I love it so much. I just don’t know what to say because no one has ever done something like this for me before.” 

I grasped her hips, peering down at her through the few strands of hair that fell into my face. “I’m going to take care of you, angel. No matter what. You deserve all of this and more.” 

She hastily wiped away the few stray tears before leaving a gentle kiss on my cheek. 

“Thank you for this, Noah. Truly. I love you.” 

My thumb caught a tear that fell. “Anything for you. Come on, I want to show you one more thing.” 

With my hand on her lower back, I guided her out through the patio doors in my bedroom onto the secluded deck. We had one that wrapped around the back and side of the house but this one was only accessible through my bedroom. The sound of the running creek and crickets played like music as we leaned against the railing. 

“Every morning, I come out here with my coffee or tea, and either read a book or meditate. I let the sun hit my face and enjoy the solace. Something I never used to have much of before,” I explained while crossing my arms over my chest. 

Y/N rested her head against my shoulder. “That sounds lovely Noah, I’m comforted knowing that helps you and that you can do that for your peace.”

“You could do it too,” I suggested. 

She hummed. “I could, but you know that small patio back at my apartment is not ideal for sitting outside and sunbathing.” 

I bit the inside of my cheek. “Well, you’re always welcome to just stroll right over here to use this one. What’s mine is yours you know.” 

“Like I won’t be here all the time anyways,” Y/N snorted while playfully smacking my arm.

“You’re right,” I chuckled. 

A sudden chill brushed over us which caused her to shiver so I motioned for us to go back inside. She sat on the edge of the bed with a content look crossing her features. 

“How did you get lucky to get the master bedroom with that shower?” She wondered while throwing a thumb over her shoulder. 

“We flipped a coin,” I joked while plopping beside her. 

It was nearing midnight and exhaustion was aching deep in my bones but I wasn’t ready to go to sleep yet. I wanted every waking moment with Y/N. 

I ran my finger down the exposed skin of her back, tracing the lines of her snake tattoo. My eyes were drawn to the ivory river that gently caressed its way down her neck, reaching just below her shoulder blades. If the gods are real then this woman is their masterpiece.

“Have I told you how beautiful you look tonight?” 

“No,” she tapped her chin in mock thought. “I don’t think you have.” 

“Well, you look stunning, angel,” I kissed her shoulder. 

She had a kind of understated beauty, perhaps it was because she was so disarmingly unaware of her prettiness.

“I was told the theme was red, though,” she teased while pulling at my shirt. 

With a smirk, I lifted my pant leg to showcase the long red socks I’d been wearing all night. Y/N peered down at them, carefully studying the black symbols.

“Those symbols are on Salem's collar and they were showcased tonight,” her eyes lit up when she remembered. 

“Surprise?” I shrugged. 

“Do they have meaning?” 

I pointed to each symbol. “Death. Peace. Mind.” 

“The Death of Peace of Mind,” she uttered the name of our album. “Oh wow, I love that, mochi.” 

When her bright eyes gazed up at me, I cupped her cheek to lay a kiss on her lips, slow and sensual. When I pulled away for a brief moment, I marveled at her beauty. Alluringly, Y/N would blink her eyes from time to time, allowing her eyelashes to flutter like the wings of an actual angel. 

By Venus, her eyes were simply spellbinding.

With my lips on hers again, I let my tongue explore her mouth while I leaned her back on the bed. One had caressed her cheek while the other ran down her side before resting on her hip. Y/N hooked her leg around mine in a way to lock me in and her nails scratched at the skin of my stomach, underneath my shirt. I shivered with her angelic touch, moaning into her mouth as our tongues continued the fight for dominance. 

Y/N tasted just the same but there was no possible way I’d ever get sick of it. I drank her in, reveled in the way her lips molded against mine, and when I broke apart from her to start leaving kisses from her jaw to her neck, she sucked in a breath when I began sucking on the sensitive area just underneath her ear. 

I pressed my hips into her, my cock fucking aching in my pants, and I knew she felt it because Y/N let out a harsh moan; my name falling off her sweet lips. 

However, when my hand slipped between the slit of her dress, her warm skin underneath my fingertips, she gently pushed me away. 

“Wait,” she spoke with a small waver in her voice. 

“Did I do something wrong?” I asked, suddenly worried. 

“No, no, you’re fine, Noah. It’s just-” 

Y/N sat up on her elbows which made me lean back on my knees so I could gaze down at her. Fuck, she looked beautiful with her flushed cheeks and kiss-swollen lips. There was a faint red mark on her neck and my dick twitched with the excitement of marking what was mine. 

“I have to talk to you about something,” she blew a strand of hair from her face. 

I gave her a small nod, urging her on. 

Y/N licked her lips while taking a deep breath. “I know this is a moment and this is something we’ve been waiting for, for a while. But I don’t want us to rush into full-on sex tonight. I’m sorry if that’s not what you wanted.” 

She continued to ramble on so I hushed her worries with a kiss to her lips, nibbling on her bottom lip. “No angel, no. I’m just so happy to have you with me at all. All I want is you. My love for you isn’t based on sex. I don’t mind waiting for you, I will always wait for you.”

Her bottom lip was caught between her teeth as Y/N eventually nodded. I lowered myself once again, this time farther down. 

“Can I?” I hovered over her pussy, warm breath fanning over the material of her red dress. 

She raised her hips off the bed towards my face. “Please.”

With her permission, I lifted her from the bed to stand on her feet. My hands snaked up behind her to unzip her dress, it falling to her feet in a pool of fabric. I took a step back so I could gaze upon her. Y/N stood in front of me in nothing but her red lace thong and I licked my lips hungrily at the sight of her. Her muscle definition was perfect and she glowed with a newfound confidence. Y/N wasn’t just flawless in her bone structure but her skin was like silk over glass and she radiated an intelligent beauty.

“Noah.” 

My eyes snapped away from admiring her body to her face. “Hm?” 

“I love you,” she admitted while taking off her panties. 

My heart swelled in my chest and I let out a long breath. “I love you too, Y/N.” 

Gently laying her back onto the bed, I settled myself between the valley of her legs and my nostrils flared when the scent of her filled the room. The red hue from the neon lights behind my bed bathed her in an incandescent glimmer. My angel. The scarlet shade emulates her place in my heart where she flourishes. 

Now kneeling on the floor, I wrapped my hands around Y/N’s legs to drag her down towards me, her squeals echoing off the walls of my bedroom. 

Our bedroom. 

Her nails raked through my hair, urging me closer. I darted my eyes up towards her one final time before devouring her completely. My tongue licked up her entire slit, Y/N hissing in pleasure, and I licked the sensitive nub over and over. Hiking her leg over my shoulder, I spread her wider for me so I could spear my tongue between her folds. 

Fuck, I missed the way she tasted. 

“Noah,” she moaned. 

I lapped up her essence hungrily, like a man starved. The tangy sweetness made me moan in delight as I replaced my tongue with a finger, pumping in and out, then wrapped my lips around her clit to suck. 

“Fu-fuck. Shit,” Y/N writhed against the comforter. 

One hand was still tangled in my hair while the other grasped at the pillow behind her, her arm extended up over her head. 

“Close, Noah, Holy shit” she muttered passionately. 

Y/N gripped my hair pushing my head even harder- in an effort to get me closer, if at all possible. I pushed my tongue and fingers deeper inside her, almost feeling like I might split her in half. Her knees shook as she all but yanked on my hair now, her body going rigid. Her pussy pulsed in my mouth as the first waves of her orgasm began to build. 

I hummed in approval with how she tasted but I needed more; I needed all of her. 

“Noah, I’m gonna-.” 

With a gentle pat to the inside of her thigh, I made my fingers work faster while my tongue teased her clit before scrapping my teeth against it; that being exactly what she needed to finally let herself go.

I gazed upon her perfect, naked form, her skin glistening with a sensual sweat. She was stunning. Something radiated from within that rendered her irresistible, and I was more than thankful to be between her thighs, tasting her again. My eyes caught sight of the new ink on her right thigh. The design was of a tattooed arm and hand holding a black rose. After her favorite nothing, nowhere album.

Reaper. 

A fool says there was no god. I was no fool. She was an altar to me and I was here to worship.

The cries of her orgasms sounded like a pure melody as I licked and finger fucked Y/N through the aftershocks. My cock was pressing against the confines of my pants and I palmed myself to relieve some of the ache. 

She patted my head and I finally pulled away from her to lick up her arousal from my lips and then from my fingers. Humming in approval, I hovered over her and buried my face in the crook of her neck. 

“Fuck, Y/N. I missed how you tasted,” I groaned, nipping at the skin of her collarbone. 

“I missed that,” she said breathlessly. 

My finger brushed over her clit and she shook in overstimulation. “Noah, I can’t.” 

I shook my head. “Yes, you can, angel. I want at least four out of you.” 

Y/N turned her head towards me, her eyes blown wide with lust and her chest rising and falling with each deep breath. “Four?” 

I nodded eagerly while slipping a finger inside of her. “I’ve waited so long to have you again, Y/N.” 

She moaned while arching her back off the bed, her walls clamping around my fingers as I slipped another one inside. Now with two fingers, I worked her close to another orgasm as my tongue teased and teeth pulled on one of her nipples.  

“Cum for me, angel. Be a good girl and fall apart on my fingers,” I demanded before dragging my tongue between the valley of her breasts. 

Her second orgasm ripped through her with no warning and I let her ride it out against my palm, praising her with sweet whispers in her ear. I brought my fingers to my lips, licking them clean as Y/N watched with wide eyes. 

“So fucking good,” I mused before crashing my lips to hers. 

I was aching, my cock practically screaming at me for some sort of release, but it wasn't about me right now. It was about Y/N. 

As I went back to working on the mark on her neck I started earlier, I rearranged ourselves so now I was sitting against the headboard of the bed with Y/N lazily sitting on my thigh. I knew she was exhausted but I also knew that she had at least one more in her. 

“Noah,” she whined. “I can’t.” 

I brushed away the sweat-stuck hair from her forehead so I could gaze upon her. “Yeah, you can. I know you can. Soak my thigh, angel.” 

I was so far gone in my own lust for her; my love for her, that I was about to bust at the seams. 

“I don’t see how it's fair,” Y/N pouted. “You still have your clothes on.” 

I smirked and kissed the corner of her lips. “Soon.” 

With a bruising grip on her hips, I began to guide her back and forth against my thigh; her arousal from her two previous orgasms already soaking my pants. The warmth of her made me revel in delight as I leaned my head against the headboard so I could watch Y/N. 

She arched her back, her tits in full display in front of me, and she tilted her head up towards the ceiling, lips parting in a silent moan. As she continued to rub her pussy against my thigh, Y/N’s hands slipped underneath my shirt to yank it up over me, tossing it to the floor. 

The cool breeze from the overhead ceiling fan cooled my heated skin and her nails scratched at the tattoos on my chest. Her mouth immediately attached to the divot of skin between my neck and shoulder, teeth nipping before soothing the pain with her tongue. 

“Shit,” I hissed in pleasure. 

This orgasm was silent but just as powerful as Y/N’s body went stiff in my embrace, my arms locking around her to press our bare chests against each other. 

“Good girl,” I praised with a kiss to the side of her head, her body going limp in my embrace. 

READER

Noah’s arms wrapped around me from behind as he buried his face into the back of my neck, breathing me in. While I was still naked, he was only wearing his red briefs. He lost his pants right after I finished cumming all over his thigh. 

For the last little while, we had been resting in each other's arms, enjoying the silence that fell between us. I enjoyed the way I felt his chest against my back, his deep breaths almost lulling me to sleep but I refused to succumb to the darkness yet. I wanted more time with him. 

“I’ve missed the way you tasted, angel,” he laid a kiss on my shoulder and sighed in content. “I’ve been dreaming about this a long time. All I want to do is give you the pleasure you deserve. I love you.” 

I turned over in his arms so I could face him and pressed a small kiss to his chin. “I love you too.” 

When I went to pull away from him, Noah pouted and reached for me. “Hey, where are you going?” 

I patted his chest. “Don’t worry. I’m not leaving.” 

Wrapping my leg around his hips, I now straddled him and linked our fingers together to hold his hands above his head. I licked and kissed my way from his forehead to his cheek, down his neck, and across the tattoo on his chest. 

“Two can play at this you know,” I muttered.

Noah made a low noise in the back of his throat. “I like it when you’re bossy.” 

“As you’ve proven,” I teased while gazing up at him. “I owe you for all those wonderful orgasms you’ve given me.” 

Letting go of his hands, I dragged myself down the length of him to rest just above his cock which was barely being confined by his briefs. I hooked my fingers in the waistband and slowly dragged them down his long legs to toss them over my shoulder. 

I now gazed upon the colorful designs that littered almost every single inch of Noah’s skin. His cock was almost standing straight and I licked my lips hungrily at the sight of the beads of precum that dripped down his length. For months, I dreamed of the last of it; of him. 

Noah noticed the way I titled my head at him, eyes darkening. 

“Y/N, you don’t have-. Oh, shit!” 

He groaned in pleasure when I lapped up the precum, humming in delight, before sinking my mouth over his entire length. My tongue pressed against the base of his cock as I moved my head up and down, slow at first to take my time.

“Oh fuck,” Noah huffed out my name as he gripped the blanket beneath him. 

I continued to suck him sloppily for a few moments before taking all of him deep in my throat. His hands grasped behind my head to keep me steady, hips bucking up into me. I dug my nails into his thighs as tears burned in the corners of my eyes, drool dripping from my lips but I refused to let up even a half an inch. I concentrated on breathing through my nose while gliding my tongue up and down. 

The head of his cock was buried at the back of my throat and I ignored my gag reflex, not wanting to think of it.  I dared a peek up at him, noticing that his head was arched back onto the pillow, his eyes closed, my name falling from those sinful lips in prayer. Sweat gathered at his forehead, dark tendrils sticking to him, and I knew that it wouldn’t be long with the grunts he was making. 

My fingers played with his balls as I began moving my head up and down at a fast pace now, wanting nothing more than to get him to finish; and revel in his own orgasm.

“I’m gonna cum, Y/N. Oh fuck,” Noah warned. 

Suddenly, warm spurts of cum shot to the back of my throat and I mewled in delight as I swallowed every last drop of him, coming off of his cock with a loud pop. I wiped the drool from my chin with the back of my hand as Noah brushed away the hair from his face, trying to catch his breath. 

“Fuck,” he breathed. 

I nodded with a giggle. “Agreed.” 

His hand reached up to brush his tongue along my bottom lip. “Thirsty?” 

“Yes, please” 

With a gentle pat on my thigh, I climbed off of Noah and climbed underneath the blanket and black sheets while he slipped on his briefs before leaving the room. I heard rummaging around in the kitchen. 

I quickly glanced at my phone to notice a missed text from Malcolm and a few from the Hollow Souls group chat. 

Malcolm: Don’t worry. I’ll feed Salem tonight and in the morning. Have fun and be safe. We love you, sweets. 

With a fond smile, I replied to him before clicking on the Hollow Omens text thread. 

Chase: Jolly, where are you? If you guys need a ride to our place, we’re out front. 

Nicholas: He’s coming. Jesse and Michael got caught up with an old friend. 

Michael: Hey, what are the chances we can swing by home to grab some extra clothes? 

Jesse: Unless you want to walk into something you can’t unsee, I’d suggest against it. 

Jolly: Has anyone checked to see if Noah and Y/N made it home safely? 

Folio: I don’t think they’re too worried about their phones right now. 

I snorted a chuckle before responding. 

Me: Hi, friends. Noah and I made it home safely. Whoever sleeps in my room, make yourself at home! Just don’t look under the bed 😉

Not bothering to wait for a reply, I locked my phone and set it down on the nightstand next to the bed just as Noah returned with two glasses of water and a pack of chocolate chip cookies. 

My eyes lit up. “Oh, yes! It’s like you read my mind.” 

“Just a little bedtime snack,” Noah winked while handing me the water and a few cookies. 

“I’m surprised you’re letting me eat in your bed,” I mumbled over a bite of cookie. 

He settled himself next to me. “You’re the only exception because this would typically be a no.”

Waving him off, I finished the cookies then washed them down with half of the water and settled into bed while Noah browsed for a show to watch on the televisions. As I traced my gaze over every inch of him, studying him, I noticed something on his back. 

My hand gently pushed his shoulder forward. “Woah. When did you get this?” 

I traced the ink that covered the entirety of his back. It was just an outline of Jesus with the crown of thorns. There was some kind of border around it, a flower and leaves on each of his shoulder blades along with his lower back. Beneath Jesus, was a heart with barbed wire around it, a flame cross emanating from the top of it.

“I got it done a few weeks ago,” Noah answered, shivering underneath my touch as goosebumps rose to his skin. 

I hummed a kiss into his back. “I never took you as the religious type.” 

“I find religious art beautiful,” He leaned down to brush his lips over mine, a kiss I eagerly returned. “Besides, I don’t need God, no religion. Just you.”

After shutting off the lights and settling on a random movie, we cuddled deeper into the comforts of the bed, my head resting on his chest with my leg wrapped around his hips. Noah’s hand dragged up and down my back and I sighed in pure bliss. 

He held me gently as if he were holding a flower and I wished we could have stayed like this forever. 

“I wish we could stay like this forever,” I mumbled my thoughts out loud.

“We can if you want,” he offered while leaving a kiss on the top of my head. 

“We have to leave this room at some point,” I poked him. 

Noah chuckled, it rumbling underneath my cheek on his chest. “True, but it’s not the room I was talking about.” 

Gazing up at him, I cupped his cheek. “You’re already my forever, Noah. I learned that a long fucking time ago.”

He left a kiss on the inside of my palm. “Are you okay if we sleep together?” 

I didn’t miss the hesitation in his voice so I sat up in bed, the sheet falling from my naked form. “I’m staying, Noah. There’s no place I’d rather be than right here with you. There is nowhere else I belong, nowhere.” 

Noah dragged his hands over his face to muffle the faint sound of a sniffle. Gently, I pulled his hands away from his face and noticed a faint tear roll down his cheek.

“Noah, why are you crying? I’m right here. This is you and me, right?”

He sniffled again but cleared his throat soon after. “I guess after all this time, it still sort of doesn’t feel real.” 

I nodded while pulling my knees to my chest, resting my chin upon them. “I can understand that, I feel that way too. But it is real. It’s you and me. I’m not going anywhere and neither are you. I love you.” 

“I love you,” he sat up in bed to kiss me. “It’s you and me, angel.”

“Have any clothes for me to borrow?” I asked while biting my lip. 

As much as I loved feeling his bare skin on mine, I could not sleep naked. 

Noah motioned to the closet. “Help yourself to whatever. What’s mine is yours.” 

Hopping off the bed, I scurried into the closet to scavenge through his drawers, not trying to gawk at the size of the closet. After deciding on his Naruto eating noodles shirt and gray joggers, I stepped back into the bedroom. 

“Are you wearing my joggers and shirt?” Noah stifled a laugh. 

“You said help yourself, so I did,” I smirked while hopping back into bed. 

“Angel, I have to say you look ravishing in my clothes even if you look like a fucking pipsqueak in them.” 

“It’s not my fault you’re fucking giant! I had to roll up the joggers three times!” I defended while pushing his shoulder. 

Noah raised a brow before rolling on top of me, pinning my hands above my head with one of his while the other ghosted over my side. Immediately I knew what he was going to do. 

“Don’t,” I warned. “I can’t be held liable for what happens if you tickle me.” 

He narrowed his eyes, thinking it over, before he instead plopped down next to me, resting his head on my chest. I wrapped my arms around him to drag my fingers through his hair. 

“This was all I wanted,” Noah admitted after a long beat of silence, wrapping his arms around me to pull himself closer. 

“Me too, mochi. I feel like I’m home,” I admitted, eyes suddenly heavy with exhaustion. 

I yawned, which made Noah turn the television off before returning to his position of being the little spoon. 

“You are home, angel. Wherever I am is your home.”

NOAH

Leaning on my elbow, I gazed down at the sleeping form of Y/N, soft snores falling from her lips as her hair was covering her face. I brushed it away with soft fingers and let my mind wander to last night. 

She was here. She was with me, in my bed, and had no intention of leaving. For so long I’ve wanted this, dreamed of it, and now that it's actually true, my anxiety kept trying to tell me that she would end up slipping between my fingers. 

My breathing suddenly became erratic, feeling as if someone had their claws sunk deep in my lungs, and white spots danced at the edge of my vision. 

Shit. Shit. Not now.

Making sure Y/N was still asleep, I slipped out from beneath the covers and stepped into a pair of shorts and grabbed my phone on my way out the patio doors of my bedroom. The fresh scent of the morning dew that covered the grass filled my nostrils as I did my best to take deep breaths. 

I sat cross legged on the deck and with the Calm app open on my phone, I let the familiar sounds of one I usually opted for sink deep within me. My eyes shut as I took countless deep breaths. 

Deep breath in. Hold for four seconds. Out for two seconds. 

I envisioned Y/N’s soft features of her face. Her bright eyes as I drowned in the color of them. The faint freckles that seemed to over cover her nose. The slight dip between her upper lip. The one dimple on her left cheek that was always prominent whenever she smiled. 

Fuck, her smile was one that could light up a room. It was one that made all your problems go away when you gazed upon it. 

Holding her in my arms is more natural to me than my own heartbeat. Even now, when I’m sitting here, I think about her.  I think about her all the time. Some may say that we’re too young, I just know deep inside the flesh of me, there could never be another.

I was so entranced in my meditation that I didn’t hear the sliding glass door open until two arms wrapped around my neck from behind, soft lips pressing kisses to my cheek. 

“Good morning, mochi,” Y/N’s angelic voice sang in my ears. 

I grasped her arm with a sigh and opened one eye to peek over at her. “Morning, angel.” 

This is real. This is my new routine.

She fell into my lap, locking her arms behind my neck again and kissed me. My hands rested on her hips to keep her within my embrace, not wanting to let her go any time soon.

“Did you sleep okay?” She asked.

I nodded and lifted her chin with a knuckle. “Best sleep I’ve had in a long time.”

“I must say you outdid yourself with that bed. Perfect amount of pillows and the sheets are comfortable,” Y/N mused while playing with the ends of my hair. 

“Only the best for you, angel,” I smugly smiled. “But listen, there’s something I want to bring up.” 

“Yeah? What is it?” 

I took a deep breath. “This weekend, I want us to have our first official date.” 

Her eyes lit up. “Noah, I’d love that. But I just need to make sure to check my schedule.”

“Nope, already taking care of,” I snaked my hand underneath her shirt to graze over the soft skin of her back. “Malcolm and Chase said that you have nothing planned. So this weekend, you’re all mine.” 

“I’m always yours, Noah,” she promised with a kiss to the side of my mouth. 

With my heart solely in her hands now, I nuzzled my face into the crook of her neck, breathing her in. 

“Yes you are.” 

Our lips met in a gentle, slow kiss, but when Y/N adjusted herself to fully straddle my lap, I forced my tongue into her mouth and tasted all of her. My nails dug into the skin of her back to hold her closer to me and when she rutted her hips into me, I could feel the heat from her core brush against my hard cock. 

I needed her so badly, in any way I could. But for now, I simply enjoyed having her grind against my lap as we sat on the deck, lips attaching to one another. The sun broke through the clouds to warm our already heated skin and with her body on mine and the sound of the running water of the creek, it lulled me into a state of peace that the Calm app couldn’t do for me earlier. 

“I love you,” her teeth grazed over my bottom lip. 

I grasped the side of her neck, thumb locked on her chin. “I love you too, angel.” 

Our tongues began another fight for dominance, her winning this round again, but I never would complain. Y/N could do whatever she wanted with me and I’d still worship the ground she walked on. 

“Noah,” she whined, rubbing her pussy over my cock, the thin material of our clothes still causing a barrier between us. 

“What do you want, Y/N?” I demanded while nipping at the skin of her neck. 

“You,” she gasped when my fingers slipped inside the waistband of her pants. 

Fuck, she was soaking wet. My fingers glided over her pussy, gathering her arousal to begin rubbing fast, short circles against her clit. 

The sounds of birds singing their morning songs were drowned out by Y/N’s moans, resting her forehead against my bare shoulder, and she bucked into my hand. 

“So wet,” I praised, still working fast on her clit.

“I’m so close.” 

With her still in my embrace, I stood and carried her back into my bedroom, slowing my pace on her clit immensely. 

“Noah,” she groaned. “Why’d you stop?” 

Forcing her against the wall, I let Y/N wrap her legs around me just before I attacked her lips in a fever hungry kiss. Now it was me who won the battle for dominance and I forced my tongue into her mouth, ravaging her lips. 

“I need to taste you again, Y/N. Need it on my lips,” I grunted while pushing us off the wall and over towards the bed. 

Her giggles echoed loudly in the room as she bounced and I jumped on after her. 

JOLLY

With a big yawn, I walked into the house with Jesse and Michael close behind. We all spent the night at Chase and Malcolm’s place but now that it was nearing mid morning, we decided it was safe to come back home. 

“I don’t know about you guys,” Michael groaned as he rummaged in the fridge, “But I need another couple hours of sleep.” 

I snorted my laughter. “What, did Salem keep you up all night?” 

“I don’t understand how that little dude has all that energy. Running up and down their long hallway all night. I swore you’d think they had a pet horse,” he exasperated. 

Jesse went to say something but he quickly pointed to the kitchen window. “Look.” 

We did and I couldn’t help but smile at the sight. Y/N was sitting on one of the patio chairs with a blanket wrapped around her and a book in her lap. I peered down the hallway where Noah’s bedroom was just as he stepped out, dressed in a pair of black shorts and his Hereditary sweater. Water still clung to his hair as he stepped out into the living room. 

“Oh, hey. When did you guys get back?” He asked. 

Sharing a glance with the others, all three of us wrapped Noah in a large group hug, finally happy that all the bullshit the last few months was finally worth it. 

“Alright, alright,” Noah pushed us away when Jesse began ruffling his hair. 

“She looks peaceful out there, I’d say what you were so worried about resolved itself,” Jesse chuckled at first. 

He sat on the couch to put on his white socks then white vans. “Yeah. We had a good night. Are you guys cool if she stays?” 

I grasped his shoulder, giving it a squeeze. “You know we’re more than okay with that. She’s welcome here anytime, Noah.” 

Just then, the sliding glass door in the kitchen opened as Y/N stepped through, wearing Noah’s clothes, and gave us all a warm smile. 

“Hi!” She cheered. “I was thinking about making some breakfast if you guys are hungry.” 

Just then a thought crossed my mind and I ran a hand through my hair. “Actually, I was thinking we could go out for breakfast. I know this great place.” 

Noah chuckled while rising from the couch and immediately pulling Y/N into his arms, leaving a kiss to the side of her head. 

“Any reason why you want to go there?” He teased me. 

I narrowed my eyes as Y/N smacked his chest. “Noah, be nice. But I’d love that! I just need to run home quickly and I can meet you there!”

Michael tossed her her car keys since he drove it over here for her. “Count me out. Your cat kept me up all night with his galloping and biting my toes.” 

“Oh, you leave my baby alone,” Y/N pointed a finger at him as he began walking up stairs to his bedroom. 

“I’m in,” Jesse smiled. “Give me a little bit to change. 

When it was now the three of us, I couldn't help but watch with a smile as Noah walked Y/N to the door, muttering something low in her ear, a red hue creeping across her cheeks. 

“I love you, angel,” he brushed a kiss across her forehead. 

She grasped his sides, leaning into the kiss. “I love you too, mochi.” 

They were not the same people they were when they met. They’ve changed, they’ve grown. 

I felt joyous, for this reunion. This is proof that love can exist. The sun has long since risen, the thief of night would come quickly. I stared at my friends, who desperately could not disconnect. I was just so glad. I smiled with a crinkling mouth, and pure heat enveloped my heart for them. 

I began to wander in the corner of my own daydream. I couldn’t wait to live a lifetime in these last remaining moments of my own. 

Her face came into my mind.

[justagalwhowrites]

Yearling - Ch. 28: Newcomer

Life changes for you in Jackson. A continuation of Yearling ch. 1-26 found on Tumblr here.

Pairing: Joel Miller x Female Reader

Warnings: Angst because duh. Canon-typical violence. Reference to past SA. No use of Y/N. Minors DNI 18+ Only 

Length: 14.1k (SOMEONE PLEASE TELL ME TO CALM DOWN)

AO3 | Chapter One | Previous Chapter | Next Chapter

October, 2027

“Is everything OK?” You frowned as you watched as Savvy pushed her scrambled eggs from one side of her plate to the other, her head propped against her hand and a flat look on her face. 

She shrugged and moved the pile of eggs again. 

“Need to eat before school,” you said, not really paying much attention to your own plate. 

“Why?” Savvy snapped, looking up at you. “So I can have energy to go sit in a chair all day? No thanks.” 

You sighed, jaw tense, and set your fork down, crossing your arms and leaning on the table. 

“Want to talk about it?” 

“Not really,” she looked back at her plate and moved the eggs again. 

“I might be able to help,” you said, smiling a little at her from across the table. “Believe it or not, I was a teenager once, too. And life here isn’t all that different from the life I had when I was your age.” 

“Yeah, so you’ve said,” she muttered, an edge in her voice. 

You watched her for a moment, feeling more distant from your daughter than you ever had when she was physically so close. 

Becoming a part of Jackson had been a rough transition for Savvy. It just had taken you a while to see it. 

At first, you were so relieved to have her with you again that everything else was white noise. 

For a bit, that day at the stables, you were rooted to the ground. You were afraid to move too far, like if you left that space she’d vanish again. You couldn’t bear to stop touching her to walk home, your arms around her shoulders and holding her body to yours the entire way. 

She clung onto you, too, early on. There was so much she didn’t know and so much you didn’t know that she didn’t know. Things about life in Jackson that were innate to you - muscle memory from a time the crumbling world was forgetting - were completely foreign to her. 

Savvy had the same problem with electricity you had when coming to town, sitting with her fingers in her ears when you weren’t talking for the first few days she was there. She was amazed by so much. She’d seen and read about things like stoves and refrigerators, showers and CD players but she’d never used them. It was like she existed outside of the modern era, approaching it all with skeptical caution as she adjusted to the reality she now lived in. You did your best to guide her through it, showing her everything and explaining how it worked as best you could. 

The two of you didn’t leave the house the first week she was there. You didn’t need to, food boxes appearing again. It was a good thing, too, because you were too busy catching up on everything that had happened in the years you’d been apart and getting to know each other again to venture out. 

Savvy had never been captured by Mitchum and his men. They’d gotten close to her once, one of his men the first person she ever killed. She managed to slip away but had to leave Nike behind. 

After that, she wanted nothing to do with people. She knew how to run and how to hide, how to get away quick when she heard or sensed something coming. She had become an expert at being alone, living off the land, crossing all over the region so she was never in one place for long enough to tip off any of the more powerful groups. It was a miracle that Joel had found her at all. 

Getting adjusted to the people of Jackson was a struggle. She’d only ever been around maybe half a dozen people at once before, when you’d run into a family making their way through your territory and you decided it was safe for her to meet them. 

Here, there were hundreds. 

“Why are there so many of them?” She asked quietly the first time you left the house, her arm looped with yours as you passed a cluster of kids running toward the playground, a haggard looking man chasing after them. 

You frowned. 

“What do you mean?” 

“The people,” she said, watching the kids for a moment with a small frown on her face before looking back to you. “There’s… there’s so many of them. There’s not enough space here, how does everyone live here?”

You smiled a little. 

“This is what people did all the time before,” you said. “People like us were the odd ones.” 

She crinkled her nose. 

“Maybe that’s why the world ended,” she said. “Not enough room for us all.” 

“I think you’ll like people once you get to know them,” you said, giving her a little squeeze. “They’re good people here. And you always had fun playing with the kids we met before���” 

“That was a long time ago,” she said, voice sharp. 

“I know,” you said, trying not to let the hurt at the thought of your time with her being long ago now. “But you were always good with people. Definitely better than I was. I think you’ll like it, once you understand it.” 

“Maybe,” she said, skeptical. “I don’t know. I just… I kind of like it. Being by myself.” 

“That’s OK,” you replied. “Doesn’t mean you can’t like people, too.” 

“Right,” she nodded, looking at the ground. 

She really had not enjoyed starting school. 

Savvy just came with you to the stables when you starred back at work again. She immediately bonded with the horses and spent an hour just standing next to Perseus, her head pressed against his large shoulder, her eyes closed. 

You tried to not push her too fast or too far. You knew it was a big adjustment, that she would need time. But you also knew how important this time of her life was. She’d been totally alone for so long and you wanted more for her. She should have a chance to get to know kids her own age, to make friends, to fall in love, to have a life that she looked forward to and shared with people she cared about. Instead, she was hiding away. 

So you brought her to meet Susan, the woman who taught most of the older kids in Jackson, one afternoon. She was sitting at her desk, papers in front of her and gray hair twisted into a knot on the top of her head with a pencil holding it in place. She smiled when you came in, Savvy against your side with her brows together and her features drawn tight. You were reminded of when she was a little girl and you were first teaching her how to kill. How she wanted so badly for things to stay the way they were. 

“I thought I might be seeing you two soon,” she smiled and introduced herself and gestured for you to sit on the other side of her desk. “Why don’t we get to know each other a little bit?” 

She asked Savvy a few questions and Savvy looked at you before answering each one, her hand tight on your knee, your hand in the middle of her back. Susan gave Savvy a few work sheets and pulled you aside while she did them. 

“Do you have any idea what her skill level is?” She asked quietly. “I’ve never worked with a student who’s coming into this quite like she is…” 

“I’m not sure,” you said, looking back toward the door that separated you from your daughter. “I tried my best when I was with her but I was never some great student, didn’t like school much and I never went to college, I didn’t know what the fuck I was doing…” 

Susan reached out, her touch catching you off guard and you had to fight not to jump, giving your shoulder a gentle squeeze. 

“You did everything you could,” she said. “No one would expect you to run an elementary school when trying to survive the end of the world. But students backslide over summer break let alone something like this. Years on her own not keeping up with what she was taught and no formal schooling to begin with… she might have a lot of ground to cover.” 

You just nodded, trying not to blame yourself for whatever Savvy was missing. Even though you knew, deep down, it was your fault. 

But she hadn’t let her skills totally lapse in the last few years. When she stopped and checked houses and stores for clothes and shelf stable food, she also found books to read and something to write in. Her language skills were advanced and she had a good understanding of biology. But her math was rudimentary at best and her history knowledge was spotty, limited to areas that had caught your attention or hers through the years. 

“I can put her with the other kids her age,” Susan said, her voice low as Savvy browsed the book shelves at the back of the classroom. “We’ll see how she does. I’m more worried about the socialization than I am anything academic. She’s not used to being around her peers or more than one or two other people at a time, it might be a lot for her…” 

“Do you think it would be better if I kept her home?” You asked, the sting of tears at the back of your throat. What if you’d doomed your daughter to a life of loneliness because you hadn’t sought out a place like Jackson when she was little? What if she never had a chance to experience things beyond just survival because you’d kept her away from it? 

“No,” Susan said, more definitively than you’d expected. “But it might be better to… ease her into the school experience. Just an hour or two at first and build up to it, plan to have her join during quieter periods when there’s lecture and not group work quite yet, that sort of thing.”

You nodded slowly, jaw tight as you watched Savvy pick a book off the shelf and turn it over to read the back. Susan rested her hand gently on your shoulder, making you jump and look back at her. She didn’t seem to notice. 

“Children are resilient,” she said gently. “They adjust and adapt. She will be OK.” 

You nodded, a few tears slipping free. 

“Mom?” Savvy called. 

You quickly dried the tears and sniffed. 

“Yeah?” 

“Can I bring this home?” She came over and handed you the book. It was Little Women. “It sounds good…” 

“It is good,” you said, clearing your throat and hoping she couldn’t hear the change in your voice. “But it’s not my book to lend, you’ll have to ask Ms. Parker.” 

“Right,” she said, turning to her but looking more to the side than directly at her. “Is it OK?” 

“Promise you’ll bring it back when you come to my classes?” Susan asked, smiling and trying to meet her eyes. “And that you’ll take good care of it?” 

Savvy just nodded. 

“Then yes,” she said. “You can borrow it.” 

She smiled tightly and turned to go before you stopped her.

“Savvy,” you said. Like you, she’d forgotten what it was like to interact with other people after being totally alone for so long. You’d taught her please and thank you when she was little but, once it was just her and the animals, the habit had slipped away. 

“Right,” she said, turning back and actually looking at Susan this time. “Thank you.” 

Susan smiled. 

“You’re welcome. I hope you enjoy it and I’ll see you soon in class.” 

Savvy looked to you and you put your arm around her waist and guided her home. 

She’d taken pretty well to school, all things considered. She liked to learn and was an engaged student, according to Susan. But she got bored easily and wasn’t the most tolerant of other students’ tendencies to goof off or talk during class. She also didn’t understand when the other kids teased her.

Sean, one of the older boys, sneered at her once and called her the wild girl. 

“So?” Savvy had frowned. 

“You’re not civilized,” he’d said. “Shouldn’t be here with us humans, should be out there with the fucking animals…” 

You only knew about it at all because Ellie overheard the incident and handled it herself. 

“Ellie!” You’d gaped at her when she told you as she leaned against the stall you were in. “What did you do?” 

“Beat the shit out of him until he went home to cry to his mommy,” she sneered the last word, mocking and righteous.

You weren’t sure whether you wanted to hug her or scold her. 

“You’re an adult now,” you said, going back to brushing down Shimmer. “You really shouldn’t beat up children…” 

“OK first of all, he’s 16,” she said. “Second, he’s got a foot on me, not my problem if he’s a little bitch…” 

“And thank you,” you cut her off. “For protecting her.” 

She just shrugged. 

“I was the wild girl once,” she said. “Sucks sometimes.” 

“She OK?” You asked, realizing that you’d never thought you’d need to navigate things like bullies with Savvy until that moment. 

“Fine,” Ellie shrugged again. “She didn’t seem that bothered by it, actually. Pissed me off more than her.” 

You nodded slowly. 

“I can introduce her to some people who don’t fucking suck,” Ellie said after a minute. “And she can come hang out with me and Dina and Jesse sometimes.” 

“Isn’t she a little young to be running around with y’all?” You frowned. 

“Not really,” Ellie shrugged. “And we won’t let her get into too much trouble.” 

You sighed, brush frozen on Shimmer’s side. The horse huffed, turning back to look at you, a sense of judgement in her eyes. 

“Try not to be a bad influence on my kid,” you said, glancing at Ellie, who smirked. 

“Bad influence? Me? Wouldn’t dream of it.” 

Ellie did introduce her to some of the older kids who were still in school and Savvy started staying after school to hang out with them a few times per week. There was one boy, Kyle, who she started talking about a lot, a small smile tugging at her lips when she did. 

She also started going to movie nights and even to the mess hall with people besides you, easing into knowing people. She even slept over at Ellie’s once, leaving you anxiously pacing your house all night, not able to shake the feeling that she should be here and she wasn’t. There was the lingering thought that, maybe, you’d only ever imagined her coming back at all and you’d been alone all this time. You left the lamp on by the front door for the first time since she’d come back and you slept on the couch, waking with a jolt when she came home the next morning. 

But she’d started pushing back against you for the last two weeks. She answered questions in as few words as possible, she pushed her curfew when she went out with her friends, she snapped at you when you asked her to help around the house. 

You were taken aback by it. You’d never had conflict like this with her before. Of course, it was hard for her to rebel much when there was nothing else for her to rebel WITH, no other people or forbidden substances to act out with. But she’d also only been 11 when you’d been taken. She was 15 now. You weren’t sure how much would have always happened this way and how much she was picking up now that she was around other teenagers. 

“Do you not want to go to school anymore?” You asked gently from across the table. Her hair was extra wild today, her all but shoving you away when you tried to braid it before heading to the mess hall for breakfast. She’d refused all attempts to contain it, curls springing in every direction. 

“Is that what I said?” She asked, raising her eyebrows at you. 

“No,” you said. “But I’m trying to understand how you’re feeling, honey. I can tell you’re upset by something and…” 

“Were you ever going to tell me about you and Joel?” She snapped. 

Your heart stuttered. 

“What?” 

“You and Joel,” she said. “You were together, right? Were you ever going to tell me about that?” 

“I… I don’t…” you just blinked for a moment, trying to gather your thoughts. “Where did you hear about that?” 

“Something Ellie said tipped me off,” she replied. “Don’t think she realized she was giving away some big secret…” 

“It’s not a secret, honey, it’s just…” you sighed. “It’s not… it’s not important right now, you’re what’s important and…” 

“Am I?” She smacked her fork down on the table hard enough that you startled away from the sound. “Doesn’t feel like it.” 

“What do you mean?” You asked, chest getting tight. “Savvy, you’re the most important…” 

“Did you even try to find me?” She cut you off. Her eyes were glistening and her face was drawn, tight and hurt. “Did you even bother to really look? Because I looked for you. I looked for you for years, Mom! I searched and I searched and I thought I’d find you eventually. I thought you must have really been hurt to have not come and found me so I needed to find you because my mom would never have just left me like that. 

“After a while, I thought you must have died, that’s the only thing I thought would have kept you from finding me again,” she kept going, voice a little louder, the people around you at the mess hall awkwardly glancing away. “And that hurt and I missed you and I felt… I felt so guilty about that because I knew that if I just hadn’t been there you’d still be alive and you were only gone because of me and that was the only thing that would have kept you away from me. But I was wrong, you were just… you were here the whole time, here having some happy life with some man like you had before and… did you forget about me? Once you found this place was I just nothing to you anymore?” 

“No!” You just gaped at her from across the table. “No, that’s not what happened, that’s not at all…” 

“I have school,” she stood up, picking up her plate of half eaten eggs as she did. 

“No,” you shook your head, standing up, too. “No, we need to talk about this, if this is how you’ve been feeling, we can go home and…” 

“Do you want me to go learn freaking algebra or not?” She snapped. “You’re the one who says it’s so important, is it important or not?” 

“It is, but…” 

“Then I’ll see you later,” she said, a little quieter and calmer now. “Besides… I don’t think I want to hear what you have to say right now, anyway.” 

You just stood there, watching your daughter stalk off toward the school. 

It was hard to focus at the stable that day. You kept looking up, hoping Savvy would come in. You weren’t sure if it would have been better to chase after her or give her space and you tried to remember what you would have wanted from your mother when you fought with her but your relationship with Savvy had never felt like your relationship with your mother. You felt so different from your mother that you sometimes wondered if you’d been traded at the hospital, another girl out there in the world who loved all the things she did living the life you were supposed to have. But Savvy had always felt like another part of yourself, independent but never fully separate. 

“You caused a ruckus this morning,” Julie said when she came by the stable in the afternoon. You sighed and she perched on the wall of a stall before handing you an apple. You took a bite of it and sighed, leaning next to her. 

“Heard about that, huh?” You asked, turning the fruit in your hand. 

“Think the whole town has,” Julie took out an apple of her own. “Sorry.” 

“Shouldn’t be too surprised,” You sighed. 

“Want to talk about it?” She asked. 

“Yes, in great detail,” you said sarcastically. You were thankful for Julie in that moment, though. After Savvy had come to Jackson, Julie had reached out to check in on you and, in spite of the awkward moment in the orchard outside of town, you’d grown to be friends. Which was something that you’d sorely needed as you navigated this unknown landscape of your new relationship with Savvy.

Julie snorted. 

“Yeah, should have known better than to ask that. You OK?” 

“I just wish I knew what to do,” you sighed. “I don’t know what she needs, I don’t know how to make her feel better, I don’t know how to make her understand…” 

You pinched the bridge of your nose for a moment, sighing again. 

“She’s a teenager,” Julie said kindly after you were quiet for a second. “Teenagers are hard. You remember being a teenager…” 

“Not as well as you do,” you teased and she rolled her eyes. 

“Yes, yes, you’re very old,” she teased back before turning serious. “She might just need space. She’ll get past it. They always do.” 

You just nodded as Persephone nudged you with her large head and you surrendered the last of your apple to her. 

“I just don’t want to lose her,” you said, petting the horse’s velvet nose as she chewed. “I lost so much time already, I don’t want to lose any more…” 

“I know,” she said gently. “She will come around. I know she will. And in the mean time, we can drink about it.” 

You laughed. 

“Yeah, think I might need that.” 

Julie hung out at the stable for a bit as you shoed a horse, talking to you about the date she’d gone on the day before with Karen, which had surprised you. 

“Karen? Really? Wouldn’t have thought…” 

“Yup,” Julie smirked a little. “What can I say, I have a good eye.” 

“Are you just turning the women of Jackson?” You teased. “Wasn’t it Beth last month?”

“Maybe I am,” she teased back. “Someone needs to, Beth went out with Henry for like two months. Fucking Henry. It might be the apocalypse but options aren’t really THAT limited…” 

It was a nice distraction, listening to her talk about her love life and the petty property line war happening between two of her neighbors as they went back and forth about whether or not one of their clothes lines pushed into the other’s yard and the new cocktail she was planning to roll out soon at the Tipsy Bison. 

“She really will come around,” she said, dropping all pretense as she got ready to go get changed for her bartending shift. “You two love each other. She’ll understand eventually.” 

You just smiled tightly. 

“Thanks,” you said. “It really does help…” 

“That’s what friends are for,” she said. “And if you come by the Bison tonight, I’ll even let you be one of the first to try the new drink. Take your mind off of family trouble, guaranteed.” 

You laughed a little. 

“Yeah, we’ll see about that.” 

You finished up early at the stable and, instead of heading for the mess hall like you normally would, you went home, hoping that Savvy would be there. But it was quiet when you came in and you sighed. 

“Savvy?” You called anyway, hoping she would answer. 

You took off your boots and went upstairs, knocking on her bedroom door all the same. She didn’t answer then, either. 

So you took a shower, trying to not linger on what she said that morning. How she thought you’d abandoned her, forgotten her, thought that there was anything in the world that was as important as her. 

You’d never told her about Mitchum. It didn’t feel right, you didn’t want her to have that in her head. But you weren’t sure how to explain your absence without it. It had never occurred to you that she would think you chose to be apart from her, as though you’d choose anything over being with her. But she did. 

The chill of fall was settling in so you actually dried your hair before getting dressed and seeing if, maybe, Savvy had come home while you were in the shower. You went back to her bedroom door and just happened to look down as you went to knock. There was just a bit of paper poking out from below the door. You frowned and picked it up, pulling it out from below the door. On the paper was a note in Savvy’s haphazard scrawl. 

Need space, it said. Find you eventually.

“No,” you breathed and flung her door open without bothering to knock. 

Her bedroom was neat and organized and everything that she’d brought with her that she considered hers was gone. All her clothes, her backpack, the books that were on her nightstand, the carvings that she’d made. All that was left in the room that hadn’t been there when you moved in were two small carvings you’d made her: two deer, one large and one small. Both were rough, the limbs not quite the right proportions, but you’d been happy to make them, sitting next to her on your porch while you both worked in a way you’d never really done before. 

“Well, I’m still learning,” you’d said, putting the figures in her open palm a few weeks earlier, before this cold distance had started growing between you. “And I don’t think I’ll ever be as good as you, you’re just a natural…” 

“No, they’re really good, Mom,” she’d smiled. “I love them!” 

They were there on her nightstand, the larger one knocked on its side as though the table had been jostled on her way out the door. 

“No,” you shook your head, heart racing. “No, no, no, no, no…” 

You took off, going two stairs at a time. She was gone, she’d left, she’d taken her things and left and you hadn’t even been able to find her the first time and she was gone and this time she chose it and Joel had been the one to find her last time, not you. Joel found her once. He could find her again. 

You ran to Joel’s so fast you didn’t even close the door behind you as you left. The sun was setting and you almost ran into a couple walking home hand in hand as you careened around the corner. You barely even paused at Joel’s door, the fear and warning signs that usually took hold this close to his house buried deep below a fresh horror that your mind couldn’t wrap itself around yet. You ripped the screen door open and went to grab the knob of the main door when it opened before you touched it, Joel standing there in his boots, jacket half on. 

“Bambi…” 

“She’s gone,” you panted for breath. “Joel, she’s gone, she left, she left a note and took her things and I need your help, please, I need your help, I’ll never ask you for another thing, I promise I…” 

“Bambi,” he said again, voice gentle. His big hands gently cupped your shoulders and pulled you inside. “It’s OK, I know, she’s here, she’s OK…” 

“She’s here?” You grabbed his arms fingernails digging into the thick muscle of his biceps as you searched his face. “What do… she’s here?” 

“She’s here,” he said again slowly, carefully. “She’s alright, I was just about to go find you and tell you so you wouldn’t worry. Need you to take a deep breath for me sweetheart, you’re gonna pass out if you’re not careful…” 

You just nodded and let him guide you to the couch, your hands still clutching onto him. Standing on your own felt uncertain, like you were newly shaped and your legs at risk of collapse under the weight of yourself. Ellie came out of the kitchen, her arms crossed over her chest, a worried look on her face. 

“Where is she?” You asked, looking from Joel to Ellie. “If she’s here…” 

“She’s at my place,” Ellie said, shifting awkwardly, putting her hands in her back pockets. “She was really upset, she was there when I got home… I told her I was going to get us something to eat, I should get back…” 

“Is she OK?” You asked, moving to stand but Joel held you in place. “Can I see her? I need to see her…” 

“That’s probably not a good idea right this minute sweetheart,” Joel said. He sounded so calm. 

“I need to see my daughter,” you looked at him, heart racing again. “You can’t… she’s my daughter, I need to see her, you can’t just keep me from her, she…” 

“Not keeping you from her,” Joel cut you off. “But it sounds like she’s hurtin’ right now…” 

“So you need to let me see her!” You yelled and Ellie’s eyes got wide, glancing quickly to the back door. “If she’s hurt I need to take care of her, she’s my child she’s not…” 

“I know,” Joel said. “Physically, she’s fine. She’s upset, her feelings are hurt. Goin’ after her right this second might just make things worse. Think you need to give her some space.” 

“I’ll look out for her,” Ellie said quietly. “I’m sure she’ll get over it quick but… I’ll look out for her. At least for tonight, Bambi. She’s… It’s like how I was with Joel. If you push her too far she might not stay with us and I don’t know if we could stop her if she decided to go, she’s stubborn as hell.” 

“She’s OK,” Joel said, his hands still firmly on your shoulders. “She’s safe, she’s with Ellie. She’s alright.” 

You just nodded and tried to breathe through it. Joel turned Ellie, still holding onto you. You were thankful for that, his hands a grounding force that were holding you inside yourself. It seemed like you might split into disparate beings without him. 

“Why don’t you get on back, baby girl,” he said to Ellie. “Take some of the leftovers from the fridge, keep an eye on her. Don’t let her go anywhere alone, OK?” 

“Yeah,” she said. “I will. I’ll take care of her, Bambi. I really will.” 

You nodded again and closed your eyes, listening as Ellie gathered things from the kitchen, the back door slamming behind her. You took a deep, shaky breath and opened your eyes again, lashes wet. 

“Joel,” you said, voice thick. 

“Gonna hold you,” he said gently. “That OK?” 

You trembled and nodded and he pulled you against his broad chest and you collapsed against him, sobbing so hard you couldn’t breathe. 

“You’re alright,” he said gently, one thick arm looping around your waist, the other going around your shoulder so his hand could cradle your head to him. “She’s OK, you’re both alright…”

You clung to him, your arms snaking up his back, fingers clutching so hard at his shoulder blades that part of you was worried you were hurting him but you couldn’t make yourself stop. It was a struggle to breathe through your tears, gulping in air that smelled like Joel’s skin and cedar and laundry soap. It was like your body forgot to be afraid of him now, so desperate for something to hold on to that it didn’t matter anymore. 

His hand traced a slow, soft pattern from your hair down your spine before starting over again and you felt his lips press into the crown of your head, lingering there as you shook in his arms. 

“Shhh,” he soothed, starting to rock you gently. “S’alright. I’ve got you and her, you’re alright.” 

He said it over and over and you concentrated on the rise and fall of his chest, the smell of his skin, the gentle motion of him. Eventually, you quieted, hiccuping as your tears slowed and your breaths caught up with your body. His rocking slowed, too, but he kept holding onto you, his nose nestled in your hair until your grip on him loosened and he relaxed as you sat back from him. 

“You with me?” He asked gently, one hand still loosely on your arm. He went to take his hand back but you caught it and he froze. 

“I’m sorry but…” You fought to not hyperventilate again. “If… can you…” 

“Do whatever you want with me, sweetheart,” he said and you nodded, moving so you were tucked against his side and your head was on his chest. He sat, stock still, as you guided his arm around your waist and you pressed yourself closer. It felt better with him here like this. He’d brought Savvy home, he’d take care of her, you could trust that. You could trust him.

“What happened?” He asked quietly after you’d settled against him. 

“She found out that we were together,” you said, your voice raw. “And she just… she thinks I forgot about her, that I was just here and happy with you the whole time she was out there alone and…” 

“You didn’t tell her what happened to you?” He asked softly. 

“No,” you shook your head into his chest. 

“Baby…” 

“She’s 15,” you said softly. “She doesn’t know how bad it is out there, she didn’t grow up with shit like girls before, she never had to learn to be afraid of men. I still remember the first time a grown man grabbed my ass when I walked by and I was 13 and I don’t… she doesn’t need to know about all that, Joel. I don’t want her to know about that and I don’t want her to look at me and think about that, she can’t…”

“She should know that you tried,” he said, his hand going in a slow, easy path from your shoulder to your elbow. “She should know that you fought for her.” 

“I don’t want her to know,” you whispered, tears slipping from you again even though it seemed like you shouldn’t have any more left in you. “Please, I can talk to her some other way, please don’t tell her, please…” 

“Won’t tell her,” he said gently. “S’OK Bambi.” 

You remembered the look on her face this morning, the anger and the hurt there and you pressed a strangled sob into Joel’s chest as he held you closer. 

“She hates me,” your voice shook. “And I don’t blame her, I should’ve tried harder, I gave up on her, I let him lie to me and…” 

“You did everything you could,” Joel cut you off. “And you protected her. She was alone out there but she survived because you let her escape and you taught her what she needed to know so she could live. You did everything you could, baby, everything.” 

You nodded, even though you didn’t really believe it, and curled in on yourself, your whole body against him now. 

“Can I stay here tonight?” You asked softly. “I don’t want to be far from her, I can’t…” 

“Course,” Joel said. “I’ll go make up the bed for you, you can stay there, I’ll take the couch…” 

“No,” you shook your head. “No, I want to be down here, if she comes inside…” 

“OK,” he said gently. “Want me to stay with you?” 

“Please,” your fingers tangled in his flannel. 

“OK,” he said again. He just held you for a while before getting some blankets and a pillow out of a cupboard you didn’t remember holding them before and you realized it had been almost half a year since you’d been in Joel’s house. Things about it had changed. So much time had passed but really, none at all. Joel got you water and made you drink two tall glasses of it and eat an apple before he stretched out on the couch and you folded yourself in around him. It had been months but your body still remembered how to wrap around his to sleep, where your head fit best against his chest, how your leg best hitched over his, how his arm draped over you. 

“I can’t lose her, Joel,” you whispered into the dark. “I can’t, not again. I have to fix this.” 

“It’ll be OK,” he said, his fingers trailing over your bicep. “She’ll understand. Don’t give up, it’ll be OK.” 

The next morning, Ellie came to the kitchen with the excuse of needing tea and found you and Joel still asleep on the couch. She assured you that Savvy was still there and had asked to stay for a while. Ellie had already said yes.

“Thank you,” you said quietly, head still fuzzy from sleep and the emotional turmoil the night before. 

“I’ll go talk to her,” Joel said as Ellie headed out. You opened your mouth to fight him on it but he held up a palm, silencing you. “Just to lay down some ground rules. Not gonna tell her she needs to go back to yours or tell her anything about what happened to you. Just gotta set some expectations, that’s all. OK?” 

“Yeah,” you nodded. “Yeah, OK…” 

He got you more water and draped the blanket around your hunched shoulders before he went back to Ellie’s. It felt like he was gone an eternity before he came back, settling in beside you on the couch again. His hand found the middle of your back, moving over you in slow, soothing circles. 

“She’s still pretty pissed,” he said softly. You nodded. “Told her she can stay as long as she wants but no boys spending the night, needs to go to school every day and show me her progress, she’s gotta eat three meals a day and be in for the night by 9 every night.” 

You nodded, your fingers knotting and twisting together. 

“OK,” you said. “That’s… that’s good, she’ll go for that, I think.” 

“Seemed receptive,” he said. “She’s a good kid, raised her right. She’ll come around. It’ll be OK.” 

You nodded and pressed your face into his shoulder, letting his soft flannel soak up your tears yet again. 

It was the start of a new kind of friendship with Joel. You came by every day now after you were done at the stable, Joel giving you a report on Savvy, both what she told you and how she seemed. He said he was trying to gently nudge her into talking to you again but she got worked up when you were mentioned. 

“Don’t push her,” you said after you’d been in this strange limbo with your daughter for two weeks. You’d hardly slept or eaten and you could feel yourself starting to almost seep out of your body, little pieces floating away into the ether the longer you were separated from her when she was so close. You wondered how Joel had survived it as long as he did with Ellie. “I don’t want to hurt her any more than I have…” 

“Should think about telling her, Baby,” Joel said softly. 

“I know you think so,” you said, arms crossed tight over your chest. “But… I can get her back without that, she doesn’t… she doesn’t need all that in her head, Joel, she doesn’t.” 

He nodded slowly and sighed as you headed back to your cold, almost empty house. 

When it had become clear that Savvy wasn’t going to come home in just a day or two, you’d gone to where the working dogs of Jackson lived and asked to bring Gattling home with you. You’d been so excited to see her once you could actually wrap your head around the fact that she’d come back with Savvy, too, but she’d always been a working dog. She was used to having something to do all day everyday and you knew she’d be happier helping on guard duty or protect the livestock with regular visits from you and Savvy. Now, though, you picked her up on your way home so you wouldn’t be alone. 

That was an adjustment, too. Gattling was cagey around you when she first came to Jackson, skeptical of you even though she clearly remembered you. But she’d warmed up to you again now and greeted you with a wagging tail every night. She followed you obediently around your house and curled up next to you in bed, sighing her heavy dog sighs as she settled in to sleep and you thought that this was what life had been for your daughter for the past four years. Having no one but her horse and her dog because you’d left her to fend for herself in the wilderness. 

It took until November for you to feel at all adjusted to this new way of things with Savvy. You saw her in the mess hall, scheduling your day so that you had the best chance at seeing her in the morning or the evening, just to catch a glimpse of her and see that she was whole and happy. You tried to catch her eye and hoped she’d do something besides glare at you eventually, that you’d be able to actually talk to her at some point. It hadn’t happened yet. 

But you couldn’t let yourself completely break down into nothing.You knew that. So you started trying to eat something and tried to do beyond the bare minimum in your day. Julie came by in the afternoon and you took a walk. You talked to Joel about something outside of Savvy. You even played your guitar - though you made the mistake of playing Sweet Child of Mine and dissolved into tears, Gattling licking your face and whimpering as you lay curled on the cool wood of your living room floor. 

You’d found a semblance of a life again, taking comfort in knowing that Savvy was alive and healthy, even if you didn’t get to hear her voice or see her smile. You were focusing on that in the afternoon when you heard Ellie coming toward the stables, her voice oddly chipper and friendly, odd enough that you frowned and watched the doors as she came in, hoof pick in your hand as you worked on shoeing a horse. 

“Stables are here,” Ellie said, leading a man who had to be close to Joel’s height inside. “You’re starting up patrol and if you end up in the regular rotation, you’ll probably be here a lot and you’ll get assigned a regular horse to take out. I usually go on Shimmer… Oh, that’s Bambi, she runs the place.” 

The man turned so that you could see his face and you froze, grip on the pick tightening. 

You were surprised you hadn’t recognized him from behind. You always thought you’d know him immediately, sense when he was even remotely close to you. But he’d made it here, to the heart of Jackson, into your stables, and you hadn’t known. You’d heard that someone had come in with a patrol the week before but you hadn’t heard a name or seen anyone new in town since then. You weren’t worried about it, you had enough else on your mind without concerning yourself with a new arrival. 

But you should have been. You should have been very worried. 

“Bambi,” Ellie smiled brightly, leading the newcomer toward you. You lowered Ares’ hoof slowly to the ground and shifted the hoof pick to your left hand, holding it so tight you were sure your knuckles were white. “This is Cody, he’s going to start out on patrol soon, he’s going out with Joel soon…” 

He stood there, looking at you, his jaw tight for a moment. After what felt like a small eternity, he held out his hand. 

“Bambi, is it?” He asked. “Nice to meet you.” 

You didn’t take his hand. The thought of touching him turned your stomach. 

“Ellie,” you said, not taking your eyes off him. “Shimmer is out in the paddock, do me a favor and take her around once, make sure she’s walking OK after I shoed her and bring her in.” 

“What?” Ellie laughed a little. “I’m kind of in the middle of…” 

“It can wait,” you snapped, still watching him. “I can introduce him to a horse, do what I’m telling you to do.” 

“Alright, Jesus,” she muttered, stomping off to obey. Cody watched her go before turning to you. 

“Good to see you,” he smiled a little. “Wasn’t sure if you’d actually made it…” 

He moved to close the gap between you and you stepped back on instinct, your heart beating so fast it drowned out the sound of his voice. You could remember exactly how he felt inside of you, how his breath felt on your skin, the self righteous look on his face because he thought he was better than the others because he didn’t get off on hurting you. Your head spun.

“Stay the fuck back,” you hissed, adjusting your grip on the hoof pick. 

He frowned. “Why? Come on, you know I’m not dangerous…” 

“Like fuck I know that,” you snapped. “You’re just as dangerous as the rest of them. What, are you here to do recon?” 

“No,” he snapped. “I left.” 

“Good for you,” you said. “Stay the fuck away from me.” 

“Don’t think that’s the way you want to talk to the guy who saved your life,” he said, eyes narrowing. “Feel like you owe me a little more than that…” 

“Don’t owe you a goddamn thing,” you said. “Didn’t kill you that night. Far as I’m concerned? Life for a life, we’re even.” 

That was a lie but he didn’t need to know that. You wished you could bring yourself to kill him but you didn’t think you could. He had saved your life, had been kinder to you than most of Mitchum’s men even if he had hurt you. You weren’t sure if he deserved to die, you didn’t think you could handle killing him.

“Hardly counts as even,” he said, taking a step toward you. “You know I wasn’t like them, you know I was different…” 

Another step and something inside you snapped. It didn’t matter that you were in Jackson, that he had saved your life by getting you away from Mitchum, Cody was a threat. You knew what he was capable of and he was here with you and your daughters. 

You met him in the middle, catching him off guard. He moved to touch you in some way - hug you, grab you, you weren’t sure - and you threw your left arm over his throat, your right into his chest, shoving him back against a stall, putting one knee between his legs so you could hit him in the groin if he tried to move and pressed the tip of the dirty hoof pick to his throat. 

“What the fuck!” He yelped, his chest heaving. 

“Gonna give you this one warning,” you said through clenched teeth. “You stay away from me, you stay away from my girls. I catch you even glancing their way, let alone talking to or touching one of ‘em? I will rip your goddamn throat out, do you understand me?” 

“How am I supposed to know who your girls…” 

“Any girl here,” you seethed. Your stomach turned at your body being so close to his but you forced yourself to stay on him, keep the pick pressed to his throat. “But Ellie and the girl she lives with? They’re mine and if you think the fact that I owe you my life would save you if you touched them, you got another thing comin’.” 

You heard the scrape of the door and you stepped back from him, chest heaving, lowering the pick. He stayed back against the stall, his eyes wide and darting from you to the door.

“She’s walking fine,” Ellie said, leading Shimmer in from the paddock. “Don’t know why you were worried, anyone knows how to shoe a damn horse around here, it’s you.” 

She put Shimmer in her stall and went toward Cody but you stepped in front of her, putting your arm out to keep her behind you. Cody’s eyes narrowed. 

“What…” Ellie began but you cut her off. 

“You supposed to show him anything else?” You asked, not looking back at her and keeping your eyes on Cody.

“Just here,” she said. “How the stables work, shit like that. But…” 

“I think he’s fine from here,” you cut her off again. “Why don’t you go to the school, walk Savvy home.” 

“Bambi?” 

“Go, Ellie,” you snapped. 

“Fine, Jesus,” she muttered just as Joel came in and she ducked around him. Your eyes darted his way but you looked back at Cody almost immediately, not willing to let him out of your sight. You saw Ellie go out of the corner of your eye, keeping Cody pinned to where he was with your gaze. Your grip was still tight on the pick. 

You could feel Joel’s eyes on you as he moved slowly to stand at your back. You could feel him there, close behind you at your shoulder, the heat and strength of him there. 

“Everything alright here?” He asked, his voice deep, empty of the warmth you’d come to associate with him. 

“Fine,” Cody said, his eyes darting up to Joel before going back to you. 

“He was just leaving,” you said. “Weren’t you.” 

He just looked at you for a long moment. 

“Yeah,” he said eventually. “I was.” 

“Better get moving then,” Joel said, dark and dangerous, like every word was a threat. 

Cody kept his eyes on Joel then, slowly moving around you, staying out of arm’s reach until he had a clear path to the door. Only then did he turn his back to you, putting his hands in his pockets and closing the door behind him. 

The second he was gone, the pick slipped from your fingers and hit the concrete of the stable floor with a clatter. You couldn’t breathe. It took you a moment to realize you were shaking, your heart racing. You clutched at your chest and stumbled to the stall you’d thrown Cody into, collapsing against it as you struggled to get enough air. 

Here. Cody was here, in Jackson. He knew you, he knew where you were, he’d been with Ellie, he was where Savvy was…

“Bambi,” Joel’s hands were on you, one at your ribs and the other taking yours, his thick, long fingers closing around your own completely. “Gotta breathe for me, baby, gotta breathe through it…” 

You just nodded and tried to listen but it wasn’t working. 

“Here,” he said, guiding your hand to his chest and holding it there. “Match me, OK? Gonna push everything out first…” you exhaled with him, nodding as you did. “Now in.” 

He breathed in slow and deep and you tried to keep pace with him, focusing on how he felt next to you, his heartbeat below your hand, the warmth of his body. 

“Talk to me,” he said once your breaths had slowed and your shaking had eased. He stopped holding your hand to his chest but you left it there, holding onto him. “What’s wrong, what did he do? He touch you?” 

“No,” you shook your head, taking a deep, shaky breath. “No, he didn’t touch me. It’s fine, it’s OK…” 

“He did something,” Joel said and you looked up at him, into those soft, brown eyes that had been home for so long and you missed him. You missed him so much you thought your chest might crack open with it, the ache in your heart too big to be contained by your skin and ribs. You missed how safe you felt with him, how much he felt like home. You moved slowly, cautiously, until your arms were looped around his waist. He hesitated and then he was enveloping you, clutching you close and tight and you could hear his heart racing in his chest. You felt his lips and nose brush the top of your head before he tucked you below his chin, his large hand cradling your skull as though you were some precious, treasured thing. 

“Talk to me,” he said again, quietly, holding you closer. “What’d he do? You can tell me, I’ll handle it…” 

“Nothing that you can handle,” you said, your voice thick. 

“Watch me.” 

“Joel,” you nuzzled closer to him and breathed deep. 

“Tell me,” he said. “Let me help you, take care of you. Please.” 

You just held onto him, focusing on him as he swayed just a little with you, almost like you would rock a restless child. 

“He one of them?” He asked eventually, deathly quiet. 

You pulled back from him ever so slightly, looking up into his eyes and you watched the warmth slip away from them as he answered the question for himself. 

“I’ll kill him.” 

“No,” you shook your head, holding him tighter. “No, you can’t…” 

“Why,” he was straining to stay calm, you could feel it in his body. “Don’t matter that he’s here, I’ll kill him in the street like the goddamn animal he is…” 

“He saved my life,” you said. “He… he hurt me but I wouldn’t be here without him, he got me out, I owe him my life, I can’t… he can’t die because of me. I told him he needs to stay away from Ellie, from Savvy…” 

“Baby,” he breathed holding your face in his hand and you closed your eyes, trying to stay focused on him and not lose yourself to the panic that was still at the edges. 

“I’ve handled it, Joel,” you said after a moment, opening your eyes. He was still watching you intently. “If he tries something with them I’ll kill him myself but you can’t kill him, Joel. Not now. He can’t die because of me, not after he saved my life. I can’t live with that. Please.” 

He sighed and pulled your head into his chest, his cheek pressing into you. 

“Won’t kill him,” Joel said. “But I should. And I swear to God he even glances at you or the girls I will rip him apart. I’m sorry, baby, but I will.” 

You just nodded into his chest and he held you close and you wished you had one of his shirts again so you could wrap yourself in the scent of him and keep his warmth and safety close when he left. 

Ares’ large head nudged your shoulder and he huffed and you laughed, separating from Joel enough to see him there, one hoof off balance from the others. 

“Right,” you laughed and sniffed a little. “I was shoeing you before we were interrupted, wasn’t I?” 

His head bobbed once in what you’d call a nod if you didn’t know better and you dried your cheeks with the back of your sleeve, separating from Joel and picking the hoof pick up from where you’d dropped it in your panic. 

“Thank you,” you said to him quietly. 

“Course.” 

“Not just for this,” you said. “For everything the last few weeks. With Savvy. I don’t… I don’t know if I could have gotten through it on my own and…” 

“Always gonna look out for you,” Joel said. “Doesn’t matter if we’re not… Always going to take care of you how I can.” 

You nodded and he cleared his throat awkwardly, looking to the side at nothing. 

“Should probably get back,” he said. “I was just passin’ by, thought I’d… I dunno, say hi. Or… somethin’. Didn’t have any business here… Anyway. I’ll see you tonight, give you the Savvy update after I check in with her.” 

You nodded again and he gave you a sad, tight smile before leaving you to your work. 

***

It took everything Joel had inside himself to not go find Cody and kill him. 

He’d seen the man a few times as he was introduced around town and he’d seemed decent enough. Tommy had been encouraged by his shooting test results, happy to have another skilled man out on patrol. 

Fuck, how was he supposed to let this man come back from patrol alive? 

He’d hurt you. He terrified you, that much was clear. Joel wasn’t sure he wanted the details of what Cody had done to you but, whatever they were, Joel wanted to do at least ten times that to him. He wanted to do more than kill him. He wanted to feel the life leave his body and know that he’d made it happen. He wanted to hear him hurt, he wanted to make him beg. He wanted him to be helpless and at his mercy and he wanted him to know why. That his actions had brought his pain, that he was only receiving what he was due. 

But he couldn’t hurt you. 

It seemed like you were finally, maybe, starting to trust him again. You’d slept on him the night Savvy came to Ellie’s, you’d wanted him to hold you today. It was like you were finding comfort instead of fear with him now. He couldn’t hurt you, especially not now. 

Joel showered when he got home, changing out of his shirt and putting on a clean one. If you did think he was safe, if the way you calmed when your face was against his chest was any indication, he might be able to help you this way, too. 

The girls were home before he was and he went to Ellie’s, the music inside loud enough that he could hear it through the door. He knocked once and he heard a high pitched giggle before Ellie called for him to come in. 

Savvy was laying broadside on Ellie’s bed, her head dangling over the side of it, her curls brushing the ground, a comic book laying across her chest. Ellie stretched to turn down her boombox, a notebook open on her lap. 

“Hi Joel,” she said in her lightly teasing tone. “Here to do the daily old man check in?” 

“What can I say,” he replied. “I’m a creature of habit.” 

“Well, I helped out at the mess hall this morning,” Ellie said. “Getting ready to go out on patrol with Dina in a few days…” 

“First overnight patrol without me,” Joel nodded. “Still feelin’ OK?” 

“It’s getting cold, probably won’t even see any infected,” she said. “And haven’t seen shit for other trouble lately. Think we can handle some scary deer and shit.” 

“Don’t get cocky,” Joel cautioned, though he smiled a little all the same. “But I think you’ll do just fine.” He turned to Savvy. “And how about you?” 

She sighed and he was reminded for the millionth time since Savvy had moved in with Ellie of Sarah. It hurt less now, looking at her. He was sure it was sharper because she was only a year older than Sarah had been when he lost her, her hallmarks of teenage independence the same as any other teenager’s, including his daughter’s. 

“Still hate math,” she said. “It’s boring. Why do I need to know how to calculate stuff like that? Maybe it was important before but it’s useless now.” 

“Need people who can do math to help build and maintain things around here,” Joel said. “Afraid that means you have to study it.” 

“Ms. Parker says I’m catching up,” she said. “I borrowed a new book, Catcher in the Rye…” 

“She talked to a boy,” Ellie drew out the last word, smirking. 

“Ellie!” Savvy shot up, twisting herself around on the bed so she was facing Joel and Ellie. She grabbed the pillow at the head of the bed and threw it at Ellie, who caught it and laughed. “Shut up!” 

“Boy, huh?” Joel asked, treading lightly. His hand clenched into a fist at his side anyway. “Boy from school?” 

Savvy sighed and nodded and Joel’s fist relaxed. A boy from school, not a new man in town.

“His name is Kyle,” Ellie teased. 

“Ellie!” Savvy hissed, eyes wide. “Shut up!” 

“Long as he’s a nice boy,” Joel said, trying to picture a kid in town named Kyle. “Respectful. All that.” 

“He’s fine,” Ellie said, serious now. “Kind of a dork but fine.” 

“Shut up,” Savvy said again, more pouty this time. “I think he’s cute.” 

“Well you and your bad taste can have him,” Ellie shrugged. 

“Thank you,” Savvy said, smug, relaxing a bit onto the bed and picking up the comic book that had fallen to the side. “But that’s all. Not much to report.” 

Joel nodded slowly. 

“Good. Just… One more thing. Need you girls to do me a favor.” 

Savvy just nodded but Ellie frowned, her eyebrows knitting together. Joel took a deep breath. 

“Need you girls to stay away from that new man in town,” he said. “His name’s Cody. He tries to talk to you, come tell me or your mom…” 

“Why?” Ellie’s frown deepened. “What happened?” 

“Just tryin’ to be safe,” Joel said. “Don’t know him yet, you’re both young. Want to make sure you’re protected is all.” 

Savvy just shrugged and nodded, already getting distracted by the comic book. Ellie was still frowning. 

“Ellie.” 

“Sure,” she said eventually. “Yeah, I guess.” 

“Good,” he nodded. “You girls behave. Let me know if you go out, OK?” 

“OK,” Savvy said, flopping back down on the bed and holding the comic book over her head. 

Joel turned to leave and the volume on the boombox went back up but Ellie caught his arm as soon when he wasn’t even half way back to the house. He frowned, looking down to her. 

“What’s up baby girl?” 

“What’s wrong with Cody,” she said more than asked. 

“Ellie…” 

“It’s something,” she said. “I’m not a fucking idiot, Joel. Bambi practically kicked me out of the stable today, you’re telling me to stay away from him… what’s the deal.” 

He sighed and tightened his jaw. 

“Bambi’s come across him before,” he said eventually. “Doesn’t trust him. Best for you girls to stay away for now.” 

She watched him for a moment, skeptical. 

“You gonna let him live?” Ellie asked eventually. 

Joel could have hugged her, his daughter so like him in this way, for better or for worse.

“For now,” he said. “She doesn’t want him dead so, for now, he keeps breathin’. On thin ice, though.” 

Ellie nodded. 

“I’ll look out for Savvy,” she said, turning to go back inside before turning back to Joel. “I think you should kill him. And if I see him try to fuck with either of them? I’ll do it myself.” 

She didn’t give him a chance to respond, just going back in, Joel hearing a laugh from from just beyond the door before he headed home himself. 

You came by a few hours later, seeming much more like yourself when you did. He gave you the rundown and you seemed happy about Savvy talking to a boy, something that made Joel raise his eyebrows. 

“No, Ellie’s right, I’ve seen him around, he’s kind of a dork,” you smiled a little. “Harmless kid. But… I want that for her, you know? Want her to have someone she can have a crush on and feel giddy about…” You looked, longingly, out the window to the backyard. 

“She’ll talk to you about it,” Joel said. “Once she figures herself out. She’ll tell you.” 

You nodded and smiled tightly at him and went to leave when he stopped you. 

“I… uh…” he awkwardly cupped the back of his neck, not entirely sure what to do with his hands. “Earlier, at the stable… I know, back before, you liked the coat and things because of the smell and… anyway.” He picked up the shirt he’d changed out of just before you came over, the one he’d put on clean that afternoon, and handed it to you. “Thought… seemed like it might be helpful again. Wanted to help, if it was.” 

You took the folded shirt and watched him as you lifted it, slowly, to your nose before you closed your eyes and breathed deep before you clutched it to your chest, crossing your arms tightly over it. 

“You gonna be OK over there?” He asked. “Can always stay here if you’re worried…” 

“I can’t let him drive me out of my house,” you shook your head. “Besides. Got Gattling. She’ll rip his throat out and save me the trouble.” 

“If you change your mind,” he said. “Can always come over here.” 

You nodded and held the shirt a little tighter. 

“Thanks, Joel,” you said. “I appreciate it.” 

He hardly slept that night, staring up at the ceiling, remembering the fear on your face the second Cody was gone. How you’d trembled and cried, how you were reduced to that much fear by his presence. 

It didn’t matter what Cody had done for you, Joel was going to take care of it. Saving your life didn’t forgive his sins. He couldn’t have a man like that here with you, with Ellie and Savvy. He was going to take care of it. 

Joel beat you to the stables that morning and you frowned when you walked up, hands in the pockets of your jacket. He could just see a hint of the plaid flannel of the shirt he’d given you the night before peeking out over the collar. 

“You’re usually not this much of an early riser,” you said, letting the two of you into the stable. “Patrol doesn’t leave for another hour…” 

“Figured I’d get the horses,” he said. 

“Joel.” 

“Not lettin’ him near you,” he said. “Not if I can do something about it.” 

You just nodded and started getting Ares and Cassiopeia ready. Joel took over Ares, giving the horse a good scratch behind the ears as he worked. 

“You should take Ares,” you said, adjusting the saddle on the mare. “He’s harder to control, I have no idea about… about his abilities. Can’t risk a horse getting hurt because a rider isn’t up to snuff and on an animal that’s too powerful for him.” 

“I’ll make sure I bring your horses back alright, Bambi,” he said gently, watching as you busied yourself, checking buckles more times than you normally would. 

When you handed him the reins, your fingers lingered on his palm. 

“You can’t kill him,” you said quietly, all but begging him with your eyes. “Please. I can’t have that on my conscious…” 

“Not gonna kill him,” Joel said, reaching out slowly, cautiously, to cup your cheek. You closed your eyes and pressed against his palm and he had to resist the urge to kiss you. “I’ll bring him back in one piece. Promise.” 

You nodded against him and he led the horses outside and waited for Cody to arrive. 

Joel had to fight to be civil to the man. He introduced himself, apologized for the awkwardness the day before as the two of them made their way outside the walls of town. 

“Really not sure what got into her,” he laughed after he and Joel had been riding for a few hours and were taking a break, getting ready to turn around and head back. “Know her well? Bambi, think they said her name was?” 

Joel shrugged. 

“Really not trying to get on people’s bad side this early,” he said and Joel could see how he’d lasted as long as he had in town. He was easy going, charming. It was hard to picture him running with raiders. “Never found a place quite like Jackson, don’t want to spoil it too soon.” 

“Don’t get comfortable,” Joel said, resting a hand on the pistol at his side. “You won’t be stayin’ long.” 

The man frowned. 

“What…” 

“Know who you are,” Joel said, straining to keep his voice calm as he stepped closer. He only had about two inches on Cody and he was at least a decade older but that didn’t matter. If it came down to a fight, Joel knew who would win. “Know what you did. You ain’t stayin’ in Jackson.” 

Cody’s confused face turned angry and entitled and Joel could see him as a raider now. The switch flipped quickly from charismatic man who could talk his way into places into one who wasn’t bothered by hurting and killing to get what he wanted. 

“I don’t know what she told you but…” 

“Didn’t need her to tell me,” he said. “Knew from how she was looking at you. You’re one of ‘em and you hurt her.” 

“No,” he snapped. “No, I never fucking hurt her, I was always careful, never was like what they were…” 

“You really think that matters?” Joel asked, his voice flat. He tried not to think about what he used to be, the things he used to let happen. “Think it makes a damn difference to me?” 

Cody lunged for him, trying to punch Joel in the face but he dodged him easily. Joel shoved the other man to the ground before catching his shoulder with his boot, forcing him onto his back. Joel dropped to one knee, putting it in the middle of Cody’s chest and yanking his gun from the holster, tossing it over by the horses before looking down at him, his head cocked to the side as the man’s hand scrambled over Joel’s leg, clawing for some weakness he wouldn’t find. 

“Can’t just kill me,” he panted up at him eventually. “They’ll know…” 

“They wouldn’t,” Joel shook his head. “Just say we ran into infected, you got bit, had to shoot you. Unfortunate loss but the merciful way to go. Hell, they’d even console me for havin’ to do it. No, killing you’d be easy. But I’m not gonna do that.” 

“Bullshit,” he hissed. “Just do it, get it over with.” 

“Nah,” Joel shook his head, clenching his jaw for a moment. He had to remind himself that he couldn’t kill Cody. It didn’t matter how good it’d feel to pull pain from his body, to watch him scream and beg, he’d promised you. “If I was going to kill you, it’d be slow. Painful. Only get to kill you for what you did once, better be damn sure I’m gonna enjoy it. I’d enjoy it plenty with you.” 

“You’re a monster,” he managed through gritted teeth. 

Joel shrugged. 

“Maybe. But I’m her monster. And she asked me not to kill you. Said you got her out so she owes you her life. This is her repaying that, understand? If it were up to me, you’d be dead today. But that’s not what she wants. 

“So here’s whats going to happen,” he continued. “We’re gonna ride back to Jackson like nothing happened at all. You’re gonna stay in town for two days and you’re gonna talk to people. You’re gonna be restless, you’re gonna say you miss being outside. Two days after we get back, you leave with what you came with, no more. You’ll go far away from here and you won’t tell a single goddamn soul about our town or about her. I catch you so much as looking at her or our daughters? I’ll kill you in the middle of town, I don’t give a shit. When you go, you’ll stay gone. Ever come back? I’ll kill you. I find out you told anyone about where she is? There ain’t a corner of this planet you’ll be able to hide from me. I will hunt you down like a fuckin’ dog and you’ll wish I killed you now, just the way I want to. I bein’ clear?” 

Cody just glared at him and Joel sighed before grabbing a fistful of the man’s hair, forcing him to look him in the eye. 

“I asked you a question,” Joel said, leaning in close. “Did I make myself clear?” 

“Yes,” he hissed through clenched teeth. 

“Repeat it.” 

“I leave in two days,” he said. “And don’t breathe a word.” 

Joel released his hair. 

“Good,” he said. “Don’t want to hear another goddamn sound from you the rest of the day unless it’s warnin’ me about infected because I’m taking your fuckin’ guns. And you best keep her name out of your goddamn mouth the next two days or I’ll make you regret it. Understood?” 

He nodded once and Joel lifted his knee from his chest before hefting him to his feet. 

“On your fuckin’ horse,” he said. “Move.” 

The rest of patrol was, at least, easy. Joel spent most of it keeping an eye on Cody but did notice signs of a large group of infected moving through somewhat recently, most likely migrating south for the winter. He made a note of it but he doubted it’d be worth following up on this late in the season. 

When the two of them got back to town, Cody still looked off balance. Angry, entitled, like he was thinking of picking a fight he wouldn’t win. Joel just took his horse outside the stables. 

“Remember what we talked about,” Joel said. “Two days from now and you’re gone or I’ll make you go.” 

“Got it,” he seethed, looking murderous. Joel didn’t care. 

“Good. Get the fuck out of here.” 

You were waiting inside the stables, perched on the side of Perseus’ stall, stroking his neck. You stiffened when Joel came in but relaxed when you realized he was alone. You were wearing his shirt. 

“Where’s Cody?” You frowned, coming and taking Cassiopeia’s reins. “Joel, you promised…” 

“He’s fine,” Joel cut you off. “Sent him home. Told you I’d let him live so he’s alive. No intent of changin’ that.” 

You nodded slowly, starting to take the horse’s tack off. 

“Thank you,” you said quietly. “I’m sure that wasn’t easy…” 

“It’s your decision,” he replied. “Don’t matter what I want.” 

You nodded again and the two of you slowly, methodically stripped down the horses side by side. 

Joel saw you catch a glimpse of Cody in the mess hall the next day, he saw the shiver pass through you as you spotted him and all but ran for the doors instead of staying for breakfast. He had to fight the urge to kill him then, knowing how he still hurt you. But he resisted. It should be up to you, he wasn’t about to take that from you. 

It was a relief when word spread two days later that Cody had left in the night. He’d even given the guards at the gate a note to pass to the council, saying exactly what Joel had told him to say. That he missed being outside and didn’t feel like Jackson was a good fit, that he’d be no trouble and doubted he’d come back. 

“Weird that he’d just leave like that,” Maria said as she, Joel and Tommy sat around her and Tommy’s kitchen table, making sure they had all the coverage they needed for the patrol leaving the next morning. It was going to be a big one, a few groups going out overnight, including Ellie with her friend Dina. “Rough on us, too. He was a solid patrol prospect…” 

“Can’t force a man to stay who don’t want to stay,” Tommy shrugged, bouncing William on his knee, trying to settle him. “His spot is open now though… think Bambi would be OK to fill in? Olivia can cover the stable for a few days and that’s one of the easier routes, s’why we were sending the new guy out on it. And it’s with Julie, her and Bambi are friends, right?” 

“Doubt she’d mind,” Joel shrugged. William reached and groped for him so he held out a finger and smiled as the toddler wrapped his chubby hands around it. “Been a bit since she was on a patrol.” 

“Perfect,” Maria said, noting it in a journal and on a map. “You two go to the lookout to take over for Jesse and Eugene, Ellie and Dina can cover this territory, Bambi and Julie here. One last go round for the big stuff before the snow flies.” 

“Assuming we make it back before snow flies,” Tommy said. Maria scoffed. “Bein’ serious, it’s on the way, can feel it.” 

“Just because your joints are getting old…” she said and Tommy laughed. 

“Don’t start on his age,” Joel said, getting up and stretching. “Don’t even want to think about what that means for mine.”

“You goin’ to the dance later?” Tommy asked. “You and Bambi been looking a bit closer lately…” 

“Don’t start on that either,” Joel said. “And figured I’d stay home. Worried I’d cramp Ellie’s style if I went, kid seems pretty damn excited.” 

“We can keep an eye on her,” Maria said. “Savvy, too, especially since she’s coming here tomorrow while you and Ellie are patrolling.” 

“Appreciate that,” Joel nodded. “See you in the morning?” 

“Be there bright and early,” Tommy replied. 

Joel took the long way home, pausing outside your house for a moment, checking the status of your woodpile. It would be OK for a bit but he made a plan to come chop more for you, make sure you had a good stockpile before the cold really set in. 

Ellie and Savvy had left for the dance before he got home and he took advantage of the quiet. It was chilly but not freezing so he settled on the porch with his guitar, not playing anything in particular. Instead, he was thinking of you. 

He wasn’t sure where to go from here. Things felt better than they had in months. You leaned into his touch. You were wearing his shirt. He wanted to let you have control. You deserved that much, at least. He didn’t want to push things or rush you. He didn’t want to push you away but, more importantly, he didn’t want to hurt you. But he missed you. He wanted you back so bad it hurt. He had this underlying fear that he’d never move past this point, this constant longing, no matter what he did. He just didn’t know how to fix it. 

Joel lost track of time out there, Ellie and Savvy coming back eventually, Savvy giggling and Ellie’s eyes wide. 

“Everything OK kiddo?” Joel frowned as she cut around the house. “Have a good time?” 

“Oh she had a great time,” Savvy giggled and Ellie elbowed her, only making her laugh harder. 

“It was great,” Ellie said. 

“Yeah it was,” Savvy said in a tone that made Joel think of you. 

“Shut up,” Ellie hissed and Savvy giggled again. “We’re going to bed, some of us have to get up early.” 

“Bet you wouldn’t say that if I were…” Savvy said but Ellie cut her off. 

“OK, goodnight Joel!” She said, shoving Savvy playfully toward the back. “See you tomorrow…” 

Joel tried not to laugh as he watched the girls dissolve into giggles as they went inside and he shook his head a little before going in himself to make a cup of coffee, something he figured he’d regret when he couldn’t sleep but it sounded too good. But he made the most of it, putting it in his favorite mug, one that Ellie liked to tease him about because of the owl but that just made him like it more. 

He wondered if Tommy was right about the snow. He leaned on the railing of the porch, looking up into the dark. The skies were clear and he could see the constellations that you and Ellie both loved so much. He’d been looking for a good telescope for Ellie for years now and nights like tonight made him wish he’d found one by now. 

“Hey.” 

Joel jumped enough that he was surprised he didn’t burn his hand from the coffee. 

You were there, at the base of the stairs, looking up at him with eyes wide and bright. His heart skipped a beat. 

“Hey,” he cleared his throat. You were wearing his shirt. You didn’t have on a coat. 

“It OK if I come up?” You nodded to the porch. 

“Course,” he said. “Always welcome.” 

You jogged up the steps, the same one as always squeaking under your feet, and Joel smiled a bit at that. The little sound he’d come to love because it announced your arrival. 

“Can I get you a cup of coffee?” He asked. “It’s not bad, all things considered.” 

“No,” you said. “Not in the mood, it’d be wasted on me.” 

“You go to the dance?” Joel asked after a moment, your body close to his as you leaned against the railing beside him. 

You laughed once. 

“No,” you said. “Didn’t see much point. Besides, Tommy asked me earlier if I could fill in on patrol because we were down a person so I thought I’d try to rest since that means it’s an early start.” 

Joel nodded slowly. 

“Didn’t go either,” he said after a moment of quiet. “Girls got back not long ago, though, gigglin’ up a storm. Think they had fun.” 

“That’s good,” you said, nodding, too. “I wonder what Savvy thought of a dance… I hated them when I was her age but that’s because my mother made me go. She might love them. It’s hard to know.” 

“They’re not for everyone,” Joel said. “But can be fun. I’m sure I’ll get all the details soon, I’ll pass ‘em on when I do.” 

“Thanks,” you said, glancing at him for a moment before looking up at the stars again. You were quiet for a moment before you sighed. “Joel…” 

He looked at you, your fingers gripping the railing so tight your knuckles were pale. 

“Joel, did you kill Cody?” You asked, turning to look at him, still holding the railing tight. 

“No,” he shook his head. “No, you asked me not to so I didn’t.” 

“So, what, he just disappears two days after you go on patrol together?” You asked, brows raised. “Do you expect me to believe that?”

“No,” Joel shrugged. “But I didn’t kill him. Didn’t hurt him, either. Told him he had to get the fuck out, that he couldn’t come back and couldn’t tell anyone where you were or I would kill him. But he’s alive. Unless he got himself fuckin’ killed since he left but since he made it this far, seems doubtful.” 

“Joel…” 

“Couldn’t have him here,” Joel said, taking a sip of coffee. “Not with you. Not with our girls. He’s too dangerous. You wanted him to live so he’s alive but he couldn’t stay here, so I handled it.” 

You straightened up, looking him in the eye before you stepped closer to him. He waited for you to say something. Say something. Blame him, rail against him, something. But you didn’t.

“What are you doin’ here, Bambi?” He asked softly. 

“Couldn’t sleep,” you whispered, so close he could feel the heat of your breath on him. 

“Why’s that?” He asked. You reached up slowly, cautiously, and put your arms around his neck. He set his mug on the post of the railing and his hands curled gently around your biceps. You stepped closer still, your body against his now. 

“I was thinking about you.” 

Your eyes drifted to his lips before going back up to his eyes. 

“Can I…” 

“You can do whatever you want with me,” he breathed and you nodded before you kissed him softly, slowly. Your lips were gentle and easy on his, so much like he remembered them being. Your whole body slotted perfectly against his, the curves and arches of you melding into him as he wrapped his arms around you to cradle you against him and you deepened the kiss, moaning into his mouth. He damn near whimpered when you pulled back from him, your body still pressed against him. 

“Would it be alright if we went inside?” You asked. 

“Whatever you want,” he said softly. “Give you whatever you want.” 

You just nodded before kissing him lightly, pulling back much faster this time. 

“Then let’s go inside.” 

He just nodded, guiding you to the door before opening it and welcoming you into his home. 

Next Chapter

A/N: EEEEEEEEE THEY'RE FINALLY BACK TOGETHER!

The Joel/Bambi relationship based angst is coming to a close and I think we're all pretty happy about that. Yeah? Yeah. Think we all know what the next chapter will be. Hope you're excited about it because I know I am!

Thanks for being patient while I write this insane chapter. I so appreciate you all for being here and sticking with this story! Love you!

Taglist: @ashleymsnodgrass@planet-marz1@kalea-bane @juneswonderlust@ilovepedro @h-annahayy @starstruckmusiciansartghost@beccerjune@mumma-moonchild@netonetoneto@mellymbee@purplelye@n7cje@flugazi@evyiione@randomhoex@aliengirl99@orcasoul@reds-ramblings@pedropascalsbbg @fupoola @tinypotatothing @knopes-waffles @lilmizmoz @ayamenimthiriel@jenispunk@panda-pascal@sarap-77@flugazi@your-slutty-gf@daniegraceg@partyofone3413@cumberpegg@noisynightmarepoetry.@fifia-writes@grumpygrumperton @srmacaroni @txlady37 @bigboiseason123@ashleyfilm

[larluce]

Merlin as Arthur's familiar/Arthur's shapeshifter falcon AU

@dsabian , @theroundbartable , @theplatanitosqueal , @stressed-but-chill , this part is quite long.

LINK TO THE OTHER PARTS: PART 1 , PART2 , PART 3 , PART 4 (You're here) , PART5

Morgana, Arthur (with Merlin on his shoulder) and Uther having a family dinner. Gwen and other servants enter to serve the food.

Uther: Does the bird really has to be here?

Morgana: Oh, let him be. He's very well behaved. Even more than Arthur.

Arthur: I'm very flattered you think so highly of my manners, Morgana.

Merlin: (chirps)

Morgana: See? He agrees.

Arthur: Shut up, Merlin.

Uther: (thinking) Am I the only one that thinks is weird they treat this animal like a person?

Arthur: (takes a bite of his food) Hum, what is this? A pigeon?

Merlin: (chirps loudly, horrified, and flies away, leaving the room)

Uther: Arthur, control your bird! He left feathers on my food!

Arthur: Sorry father. (worried) He isn't normally like this, I think something upsetted him.

Morgana: Maybe is because you're eating a bird?

Arthur: No, that have never bothered him before and small birds are part of merlins' diet.

Morgana: Wait... (turns to Gwen) Gwen, what type of bird is that on Arthur's plate.

Gwen: I'm not sure... (turns to other servant girl) Gladys, you were with the cook when they prepared the food right? What kind of bird is that?

Servant girl: I don't know, it kind of looked like a falcon but it was too small too be one.

Morgana: You mean like a merlin?

Arthur: (pales) Fuck! (stands up) I'm sorry father. I need to go (leaves)

Morgana: Yeah, me too. It was a nice dinner, your majesty (leaves too)

Uther: But you barely touched your plates! (sighs, to servants) Take this away, and make sure you don't cook merlins for dinner next time, for gods' sake.

In Arthur's chambers. Merlin is in his human form crying, while Arthur and Morgana try to comfort him.

Merlin: He was just two years old!😭 He was barely starting living.

Arthur: (hugs him close, patting his back) I'm so sorry, Merlin.

Morgana: (puts a hand on his shoulder) Are you sure is Claws?

Merlin: I'll recognise him anywhere. (snifs) He had just started his first nest with his mate.

Arthur: Wait, he had a partner? 😧

Merlin: And five little eggs. (breaks the hug abruptly) OMG! I need to tell Brownie what happened to Claws!

Arthur: Go, meanwhile I'll talk to the hunters so this never happens again.

Merlin: (smiles) Thank you, Arthur.(kisses him on the cheek) I'll be back as soon as I can. (turns into a bird and goes flying through the window).

Arthur: (in shock with a hand on his cheek) 😳😳

Morgana: I'll try to get Claws' rests, so maybe we can do him a proper funeral when Merlin comes back.

Arthur: (snapping out of his trance) Right, good idea, Morgana. I'll meet you at your chambers in an hour.

Later. Arthur shouting at the hunters.

Arthur: What were you thinking?!😡

Hunter1: (scared) Bu-but, sire. You told us to get rid of it.

Arthur: Yes, but you were supposed to bury him somewhere in the woods, not get him cooked!

Hunter2: We were going to, but the cook saw us and thought it was todays dinner-

Arthur: I don't want to hear your excuses! (threathening) No one must know about this, specially Merlin, this stays between us. Do you understand?

Hunter1: Yes, sire!

Hunter1: Yeah, we won't mention this to your.. uh.. pet.

Arthur: Now, get out of my sight!

Hunters: Yes, sire! (leave)

Morgana: (enters, in disbelieve and furious) I can't believe you!

Arthur: (turns to her, nervous) Oh, hi, Morgana! 😅

Morgana: Don't "hi" me. You killed Claws! You murderer!

Arthur: You're talking like I've just killed a person. He was just a bird.

Morgana: He was not just a bird to Merlin and you know it! Did you think about how devastated he would feel?

Arthur: He was never supposed to know he died, just that he disappeared!

Morgana: yeah, because that's ten times better, isn't it? Are you even hearing yourself?

Arthur: Morgana, stop. I feel bad enough already.

Morgana: As you must! 5 merlin chicks are without a father thanks to your sick jealousy!

Arthur: (Guilty) I didn't know he had a family. (thoughtfully) How do you compensate a female bird for killing the father of her eggs?

Morgana: Don't. She'd probably just take your eyes out.

Arthur: (sighs) Will you tell Merlin?

Morgana: No, that would just crush him more. Your secret is safe with me.

Arthur: (relieved) Thank you.

Morgana: But you better start acting on your feelings for Merlin before you start killing the entire merlin race!

Later at Claws funeral in the royal garden. Morgana puts Claws bones in a box and Arthur buries it while Merlin watches in grieve.

Morgana: I'm sorry I could only save the bones. The servants tend to eat the royal leftovers.

Merlin: It's okay. If he wasn't eaten his dead would've been in vain. (turns to Arthur) Was he delicious?

Arthur: Ahm... yeah?

Merlin: (smiles, sadly) I'm glad. He was a nice friend. He didn't care I wasn't enterily a bird though he didn't quite understand it.

Morgana: Did you know Arthur thought he wanted to mate with you?

Arthur: (flustered) Morgana! 😳

Merlin: Oh, he did propose me to mate with him once.

Arthur: What?!

Merlin: Yeah, he did the most beautiful flying dance I've seen, but I just couldn't see him like that. So we stayed friends. It surprised me a lot, normally merlins just leave after I reject them, but he never stopped hanging out with me, even when he found his mate.

Arthur: What a nice friend (thinking) That flirtatious bastard.

Merlin: Anyways, I need to go now. Brownie needs me to hunt her food since she's incubating her eggs still and can't leave her nest.

Arthur: (guilty again) Right, send her my condolences.

Morgana: Mine too.

Merlin: (kisses Arthur's cheek again and leaves in his bird form).

Morgana: Well, that went well.

Arthur: Morgana.

Morgana: Yeah?

Arthur: I need to learn how to fly.

[hwasoup]

Tale As Old As Time

Playlist !!

art credit: Marbipa

OMG GUYS IM SOSOSO SORRY FOR SUCH A DELAY, COLLEGE REALLY DEVOURED ME IN THE MOMENT. AND TUMBLR REMOVED THE OPTION TO MAKE THE TEXT YELLOW...SO THE COLOR WILL NOW BE ORANGE. However, this is a double update week bc I owe you guys bc of your amazing patience with me!! I hope you guys enjoyed this chapter

like always don't hesitate to lmk if you would like to be tagged:')

prev | next

warnings: talking objects, borderline assault, Canis Lupus

word count: 3.3k

Chapter 4: Dinner is served

However, in the village’s small tavern….

“UGH, WHO DOES SHE THINK SHE IS ?!” 

“Uhh Ben, chill out here you’re drunk.” Eddie says, while trying to take away his beer. Ben looks at Eddie extremely furious and annoyed “So? don’t you see that- that woman has messed with the wrong MAN ?!!” Eddie winces at his words a little and says “erm…. sure…let's say that she did.” Ben, who was moping in front of the tavern’s fireplace, takes another swig of his beer. “Dismissed, publicly humiliated, How DARE she! Nobody says NO to ME!” he says in a growl. Eddie sighs and rolls his eyes a bit and cracks his knuckles. “Well, you’re not a bad person... And besides forget her, you have tons of admirers in this tavern anyways” he says with a remark. Ben groans “Ugh, EDDIE LISTEN... My rustic cabin, my latest kill roasting itself on the fire, the children playing with the dogs ...and a pretty wife rubbing my feet…And what does Y/N say?? she says NO” he says throwing his beer into the fire.

The flame bursts a bit startling Eddie, but he proceeds to maintain his composure. “Listen to me ben…listen to the tavern…they’re all here because they’re admirers of you...” One man yells “NOBODY BITES LIKE BEN OR CAN WIN AT CHESS LIKE HIM” 

Another man yells “HE CAN EASILY WIN SPIT CHALLENGES” The tavern eventually comes together as they spew out all of their favorite qualities of ben. Especially the women, all of them gushed over his blonde hair, his brawn, his charm, and even his chest hair. (for some reason) Ben’s mood lifts and he smiles as he cheers along with the tavern of the glorification of his achievements and assets. People get together and eventually dance and drink as a small trio plays some music to add more to the cheerful atmosphere. Ben sits beside some ladies and brags about the number of eggs he eats in the morning. “TEN CHEERS FOR BEN RILEY !!” the tavern yells After a while of just fooling around, with a brightened mood Ben sits back in his lavish chair and looks at Eddie “that was very fun, thank you… but how come not a single woman has approached you?” Eddie chuckles and simply scratches his hair “well…I’ve been told I'm either too bored or too clingy .... I have no idea why though...” Ben just stares at him and clears his throat, looking back at the crackling fire.

Suddenly, the joy got sucked out of the room when Mauricio came waddling in tattered clothes, unruly hair, and barefoot. “SOMEONE, PORFAVOR QUE ME AYUDEN!!” The people in the tavern whispered to each other as they stared at him. Mauricio runs towards Ben and other customers in the tavern as he yells “SHE’S LOCKED IN A DUNGEON, EL LO TIENE CAPTIVA !!” 

A man asked, “but who?” Mauricio looks at this man with his eyes filled with fear “...who?... WHO?? MY DAUGHTER Y/N< WE HAVE TO GO SAVE HER NOW !!” Ben raises an eyebrow and looks at Eddie as he tries to stifle a laugh, not believing his words. He gets up and approaches Mauricio and pats his back “calm down Mauricio, now tell me… who is it that has Y/N locked in a dungeon?” 

“UN MONSTRUO! A BEAST !!” 

Crickets could be heard in the entire tavern as it went silent… 

The entire tavern bursted into laughter at the idiocy of his words. 

“Lemme guess! He’s a huuuggee BEAST.” 

“HE’s got an UGLY MOUTH WITH TEETH” Mauricio in his fears nods his head vigorously as he confirms each person’s questions about his so-called ‘beast’. He looks around and trips and falls on the wooden floor “Will you help me?” he asks with tears in his eyes.  Ben rubs his chin as he rolls his eyes as he decides to say something sympathetic to him “alright, alright, Mauricio relax, we’ll help” Poor Mauricio looked up with hope in his eyes as he thanked Ben for his courage to step up and help him. It didn’t last too long since he shortly got thrown out of the tavern by the owner due to his “madness.” 

Little did he know that Ben was already devising a plan with Mauricio’s plea for help…that may or may not have to do with marrying his daughter.

—----------------------------------------------------------------------------

On the other hand in the Castle..

After what seemed to be a few hours after that nasty confrontation with Miguel, A starving Y/N emerges from her room. She looks around as to see if she would see Miguel, but she ultimately decides that he has very much retired to his room. Wherever it may be. As she walked down the halls, she didn't notice the sound of giggling coming from behind a curtain.

“Miles nooo, stay away” 

“Ok but I just wanna hug, Gwen” “Miles, the last time you hugged me, you literally burned my feathers” she says with a sigh. Miles sighs and just pouts “It’s not my fault you got turned into a feather duster, ok?” Gwen rolls her eyes and chuckles at his antics. Miles then looked up as he heard the sound of footsteps and his flame burst a bit more “Hey look !!” he says pointing at Y/N “she emerged !!” He left Gwen in a hurry as he quickly hopped his way to Y/N as he followed her to the kitchen. In the kitchen, Peter was putting Mayday to sleep in the cupboard. Once she fell asleep, Peter closed the cupboard only to spot the cook, who was angrily huffing his stove top with fire as he whined over his cooking going to waste. Peter sighed “shh, come on I just put the little one to sleep, it’s been a long day.” Lyla however hops in and sighs “Honestly, I think she was just being headstrong, I mean...Miguel did say PLEASE” Peter sighs and says, “Really Lyla? you know that Miguel has a temper…and if he doesn’t control it, things won’t work out for him.” 

They were interrupted when Y/N walked in. “Hey, you showed up, a little late but that counts!” Peter says. Lyla turns around and greets her “Hello, I don’t think we properly introduced ourselves, I'm Lyla, you already know Peter of course, and in the back over there trying to get everyone in check is Jess and-” Miles butted in the conversation as he smiled at Y/N “and I’m Miles, nice to meet you senorita” he says wiggling his eyebrows. Jess waddled over smiled at Y/N “If you need anything to make your stay more comfortable just tell us honey” “Well ....I am hungry,” Y/N says with a sheepish smile. Peter grins and starts directing the kitchen to quickly cook something up for her. Lyla escorts her to the dining room, while Jess sighs “ok, but we have to be as quiet as possible, or else Miguel will flip. Miles just hops around happily as he says “aw come on, we gotta get Pav here! Actually, Imma go get him” he says as he hops off out the kitchen. 

A little while later, Miles came back with a large piano, “come on Pav, you haven’t played for someone in forever!” Pav smiles as he warms up quickly playing his keys “yep i’m all good” Jess walks in and spots him “Please…play quietly” Pav looks at Jess with the biggest stank face he has gave her “oh no yea..sure..softly… are there ANY more tasteless remarks to my artistry?” Jess says no and walks off back into the kitchen. In the dining room, Y/N was quietly sitting until she saw Miles come up to the table with a smile. He signals to Gwen who’s hovering over the window with a mirror to create a form of stage lights. Pavitir is playing his tunes, and Miles looks at her and smiles happily “It is our pride and pleasure that we all welcome you here tonight. Stay seated in your chair as you relax, enjoy what you see, as the dining room proudly presents…. your dinner!” Y/N smiles in amazement at all of the food that has been placed on the table, she had never seen so many foods from different regions in such a long time. If she had to be honest, it was better than the cooking she had seen from the local restaurant back at the village. She was handed a napkin by Miles, and she took it and placed it onto her lap to catch any food that would hypothetically stain her dress and fall to the floor. Each dish was kind enough to explain to her what each dish was. She had some gray stuff, Beef ragout, Chilaquiles, Asopao de Pollo, Arepas, Mofongo, Congri, Tequenos, Tostones, Pupusas, Camarones al ajillo, Quesadillas, and even Enchiladas. She had never tasted such a culinary cabaret in her life before. As Y/N ate, she chatted with Miles for a bit as he told her how it has been 10 years since they had a guest like her. She chatted with Gwen a bit and found out she’s the feather duster that snuck into her suite while she was busy crying to collect the dust that was piling up. She learned that Lyla is actually a relative of Miguel and learned about all the staff as well. Y/N found herself creating a friendly bond amongst the staff as she happily ate to her heart’s delight. Peter came in after a while on his serving cart with some tea for her to drink “one lump or two?” he asked. Y/N giggled “Just one please” She takes a cup and sips it as she sighed in content as the soothing flavor of the tea. 

After Y/N ate her fill she clapped in awe “this was wonderful, please give my compliments to the chef!” Jess smiled at her from a distance and looked at her minute and hour hand. “Oh dear, look at the time…it seems to me we should all get some sleep” She approaches Y/N and tries to escort her back. “Oh, but Jess…after such a meal, I can’t just go to sleep, besides it is my first time in such an enchanted castle...” Jess nervously laughed and looked around trying to divert her attention, “oh why who would say such a thing..I mean-” Lyla hopped in and heard what they said “Yyyyyeeeaaa…. totally not enchantteeeddd” she says to Y/N. Jess turns around to look at l

Lyla and muttered “it better not have been you” Lyla looked at her in shock at her accusations and was definitely going to retaliate until Y/N diffused the situation. “Oh guys please…I figured it out myself...” she says with a smile. She then gets up from the chair and approaches the door “I hope you both don’t mind If I look around, if that’s okay” Lyla perked up and hopped to her “wanna tour girlie ?” “AH AH AH…. we can’t let her... She might you know... go someplace else?” Jess says sternly. Y/N giggles as she looks down at Jess’s frown “aww come on, I bet you know a lot about the castle…how about if you tell me all about it?” Jess sighs as she gives in “alright then...”  —----------------------------------------------------------------------------

An hour later…

Jess was happily giving her knowledge of the castle, adding her expertise and explaining how old the castle truly was. She gave some stories on how she lived in the castle, as well as her years of service. Y/N looked around in awe as she marveled at each painting and each intricate design of the castle. It might have looked scary at first, but now that she’s taking a closer look. The castle itself is truly beautiful.  They passed by a hall of empty armor, each head turning around to take a peek at Y/N, finding her curiosity quite charming. Jess heard the squeaks of the rusty armor and turned around and with a silent hiss “Turn Around”

She looked back to her direction and noticed that Y/N was nowhere to be seen. Jess wanders around until she spots her trying to go up the west wing. “Lyla damnit go stop her !” Lyla notices and hops as quickly as she could to stop Y/N from going any further, Jess running along behind her. The two eventually reach Y/N and stand in front of her making halt gestures. “What’s up there?” she asked. Sheepish smiles were both seen on both women’s faces as they try to make up some excuses.

 “Oh nothing there just storage, Rubbish, Dusty, Boring, absolutely nothing in the west wing” Lyla says Y/N chuckles as she was able to trick them and says in a coy voice “Oh so THAT'S, the west wing” Jess groans in frustration and looks at Lyla “nice going idiot...” Y/N keeps on staring up the stairs as she wonders what Miguel is truly hiding in the west wing.  The two women then started blabbering as they started to try and convince her to go and see the library. She nods and slowly follows them until she notices that they sped so quickly that they were almost down the hall. She took this opportunity and quickly tiptoed up the stairs and into the West Wing.

The more she went up the stairs, the more she noticed how the hallway had cracks, claw marks, shattered mirror pieces, and broken gargoyle statues. Y/N looked around a little concerned and debated if she should stop. However, her curiosity got the best of her nature, and she kept on going. She eventually made it to the top and walked down a hall to two double doors. “This must be Miguel’s room” she whispered to herself. Y/N looks back behind her just in case Jess followed her but didn’t see anyone. With a deep breath she slowly opened the doors and walked in to see an almost dilapidated room. Everything was broken or at least about to shatter. “Probably from his anger issues” she says softly to herself. After walking inside and looking around she spots a portrait, she slowly approaches it to see claw marks on it. She couldn’t make out who the man painted in the portrait is, but she could tell that he was handsome, but what struck her the most was his piercing crimson eyes. 

She then turned around to notice the window completely open and a table with a mirror and a beautiful glowing rose. Amazed at its beauty she took the glass encasing off of the rose and watched how it sparkled, it was mesmerizing. Y/N then reaches a hand to touch the rose but stops as she feels a shadow loom over her. She looked up and gasped in shock to see Miguel.  He angrily huffed at her and snarled as he quickly made his way to reach for the rose’s glass encasing and protectively covered it. Miguel then slowly looked at Y/N with such rage in his eyes and blocks her from the rose “Porque Viniste” Y/N slowly stepped back as she raised her arms to protect herself from harm without realizing. “I’m..I’m Sorry” she says softly. Miguel growled and rolled his eyes “Sorry? I warned you to NEVER COME HERE” Y/N flinched and moved back even more “I didn’t mean any harm; I Apologize if I offended you” Miguel enraged clenched his paw into a fist “DO YOU REALIZE WHAT YOU COULD HAVE DONE?” He takes his anger on a broken chair and punches it. “I- No, Please, stop” she said worriedly. 

“LARGATE DE AQUI” 

Y/N didn’t hesitate and ran out as quickly as she could. Miguel raged and punched anything in his sight that was breakable in his room. His eyes widened as he realized he scared her off again. His heart ached at his own actions, and he lowered his head in shame feeling just awful about himself and worried for her...

Y/N on the other hand has made a run for it and somehow found her coat as she was running down the stairs. Miles was playing chess with Pav and spotted Y/N running “HEY, Y/N!! Where are you going ?!” Y/N looked back at them and fearfully said “Promise or not, I can’t stay here for another minute!” She left the castle and, in a hurry, looked around for the stables and found her dear old Felipe, despite the heavy blizzard that was occurring outside she managed to saddle him up and rode him away and out of the castle grounds into the black forest. 

After a while of horseback, she realized that she had no idea where to go, everything was covered in snow. Felipe whinnied and panicked as he fidgeted left and right where to go. Y/N tried to calm the horse down but gasped in terror when realizing there was a pack of hungry and vicious wolves ready to hunt them for their next meal. Felipe regained his control and immediately turned back to the castle’s direction to run away from the wolves. Y/N grasped tightly onto the reins and tried maneuvering Felipe through the woods. The wolves nipped at Felipe’s legs, and he would only run faster. Y/N was hyper focused in getting away that she didn’t completely register the frozen lake in front of her. The two fell in with a splash in the icy water, Y/N kept on holding onto the reins and Felipe quickly swam to the other side, the wolves still following behind. Eventually the other half of the pack caught up to both Y/N and Felipe in the front and spooked them, Y/N fell off the horse’s back and Felipe’s reins got stuck onto a tree branch. 

Y/N quickly got up from the snowy ground and found the nearest thick stick that she could find and stood in front of Felipe to help protect him. She swung the stick left and right, battling the canines on her own, but the stick was split in half when one of the wolves' sharp teeth gnawed into it. Y/N stood there in shock not knowing what to do..she was about to get eaten along with her beloved horse. A wolf leaped out of nowhere and took a bite of her coat, throwing her off her balance and making her fall to the ground. She screamed in terror, as another wolf leaped at her ready to bite. Until she heard a loud thud from the wolf’s body and a loud roar. She looked up and saw Miguel who stood beside her and protected her with his large body on top of her. He then jumped away from her leading the wolves far from her reach and fought them on his own, he scratched, bit, he harmed, and almost killed. 

The wolves, intimidated by his dominant presence, whimpered and scurried away from him.  Miguel let out one final growl until he looked directly at Y/N, his eyes showed relief that she was fine, but quickly rolled behind his head as he weakly fell down onto the cold icy ground. He was bleeding with many bites and scratches from the wolves. He panted heavily as the pain from his wounds slowly enveloped him. Y/N was going to take advantage to run away but stopped…she would be no better than a crude human to leave him out there. He saved her life…and she owed him. She slowly walked away from Felipe and kneeled down to Miguel and whispered. “Hey, I know it hurts…but you have to help me...” 

She was able to somehow get Miguel to stand up and mount the horse. His body however limped on it as he was too weak to sit properly on the horse. Y/N bit her lip in worry as she took off her coat and wrapped it over Miguel’s wound. 

Y/N slowly united Felipe’s reins from the tree branch and slowly led him back to the castle.

With the beast on his back.

taglist: @cupcakeinat0r , @miguelhugger2099, @mcmiracles, @xxsugarbonesxx,@codenameredkrystalmatrix,@deputy-videogamer,@lxverrings,@miguelzslvtz,@itsameclinicaldepression,,@ricekrisbris,@loser-alert , @thedevax, @uncle-eggy, @m4dyy, @freehentai, @synamonthy, @razertail18, @s0lm1n, @badbishsblog, @faimmm, @keendreamknight, @texanadmirer, @stargirrls, @itzsab

[the-cookie-of-doom]

Chay takes his first sip of beer under Macau’s careful guidance when the last guest walks in, and the horrible taste of it combined with the sheer shock of the third cousin means most of it ends up sprayed down his shirt, and all eyes are on him as he coughs and desperately gasps for breath, and Chay wants to die. 

Because Macau’s cousin? Is Wik. Wik. 

“Why didn’t you tell me?” He manages to wheeze, while Macau laughs and thumps on his back. 

“What, you’re a fan?” 

Chay can’t very well say yes, seeing as Wik is right there, ten feet away, watching him with mounting annoyance as if he already knows the answer. Of course he does. And of course he wouldn’t want Chay anywhere near him, his family, on what is supposed to be a private vacation. God, what was Macau thinking, bringing him here?

“Who are you,” Wik asks. His voice is dry enough that Chay feels parched. He can breathe again, and he clutches his beer to his chest like a shield, and not like the thing that almost killed him a second ago. Or maybe that was Wik. Either way, Chay is in danger. 

“Our virgin sacrifice,” Macau says, because apparently once wasn’t enough. “This is Porchay, he’s my friend, don’t be an asshole. Chay, this is my loser cousin, Kim. Who, yeah, is also kind of famous, I guess. Don’t make it weird.”

“Hello,” Porchay says weakly. “I, uh… I really like your music.”

“Thanks.”

Chay feels a strong urge to apologize—and offer to leave right then and there, even if it means calling Porsche to drive the three hours to get him—but he doesn’t get the chance. Wik—Kim—is gone just as fast as he'd appeared, taking his guitar case with him. Strangely it isn’t any easier to breathe in his absence. 

“You’re an asshole,” Chay informs Macau. “You planned that, didn’t you?” His best friend’s shit-eating grin informs him that yes, he had. 

“Dude, your face! I thought you were going to die!”

“I wanted to! That’s so messed up! He’s going to think I’m, like, stalking him, or something.” 

“Nah, probably not. Seriously though, don’t be too weird, or he might kill you.”

Nevermind that, Chay might kill himself. How is he supposed to get through the next two weeks? 

***

Out of respect, Chay does his very best to avoid Kim and stay out of his way. He doesn’t know if the older boy notices, because of the aforementioned avoidance, but he hopes so. He wants Kim to know he’s trying. That he isn’t here to creep on him, that he isn’t one of those psycho fans. Yeah, Chay has a little bit of a shrine at home, but all of the pictures on his wall are from professional photoshoots. No paparazzi photos or creepshots from other fans. Nothing from his personal time. Chay isn’t like that. He doesn’t want to intrude. He just wishes he could explain himself. 

The opportunity comes the next morning. Chay is awake before anyone else; he kicks around in bed for a while, then goes to Macau’s room across the hall, but he’s still fast asleep. Chay isn’t comfortable enough to go explore, but eventually his stomach drives him in search of the kitchen. It’s massive, borderline industrial, and fully stocked to feed an army. It’s ridiculous. 

Chay is cracking eggs into a pan when he hears another set of footsteps, seconds before he’s greeted by Kim’s handsome, scowling face. He must have just rolled out of bed; he’s wearing soft-looking lounge clothes, barefoot, and his hair is just messy enough that it could be intentional, if not for the softness around his eyes. Softness that disappears as soon as they land on Chay. 

“... Good morning,” Chay greets, with an awkward smile. He turns back to the stove, trying to communicate I’m not watching, just ignore me. It must work, because rather than turn back the way he came, Kim joins him in the kitchen. 

“Hi,” is all he says, and Chay is content with that. 

There’s a fancy-looking espresso machine at its own coffee station. Kim takes up his post in front of it, grinding down coffee beans and pressing them into the filter. He takes down two small glasses and sets them beneath. Soon, the rich scent of fresh coffee fills the kitchen, the espresso machine's pop and hiss accompanying the sound of frying eggs. 

“Do you want me to make you something?” Chay offers, not turning around. 

“No.” 

Kim doesn’t say anything else. Neither does Chay. He chews on his bottom lip until his breakfast is finished, and he plates his eggs on a pile of sticky rice. 

This might be my only chance. 

“I hope I’m not making you uncomfortable. By being here, I mean,” Chay starts. “I swear I had no idea when Macau invited me. He said he was just coming here with his cousins. I-I wouldn’t have agreed. If I knew. I promise.” 

Kim turns to face him fully, leaning back against the counter. Chay fidgets beneath the weight of his gaze. “Really?” he asks. He doesn’t sound like he believes Chay one way or the other. 

“Yeah, yes, I wouldn’t want to intrude. I’m obviously,” he waves his hand between them, “You know, but like. You’re with your family. That’s not my business… Or anyone else’s,” he adds, trying to reassure Kim he isn’t going to tell anyone about anything that happens on this trip, without saying that outloud and reminding him it was ever a risk in the first place. 

“Hmm.” 

Please believe me. Even if they never see each other again—Chay will leave right now if Kim tells him to, he’ll figure it out—he needs Kim to believe this. That Chay isn’t another vulture trying to take more of him than Kim is willing to give, as if it’s something he’s owed just because he’s a fan. 

“Porchay, right?” Chay nods. “How do you know my cousin?” 

“We go to school together.” 

Kim looks at him doubtfully. Chay’s face goes hot, and reminds himself what Porsche told him before he left; just because they’re rich doesn’t mean they’re better than you, don’t forget that. 

“I’m, uh, I’m there on scholarship.”

“Really? That’s not an easy scholarship to get.” No kidding. Chay took a summer prep course for the entrance exam and that alone was almost too much. The exam itself nearly made him pass out. “What was your score?”

“Uh… One hundred percent.”

“Bullshit.” 

Chay flushes, equal parts embarrassed and something slightly less than angry. “They made me take it twice. The proctors thought I cheated the first time.” He didn’t. He’d spent the entire summer studying, because Porsche told him this is what he needed to do for his future. To make their parents proud. Chay never knew their parents; he just wanted Porsche to be happy, and to repay him for being such a good brother. 

“And you got the same score?”

“... Ninety-eight percent, the second time.” He was terrified, and that meant he made mistakes he wouldn’t have otherwise. 

“Still nearly perfect.” Kim regards him carefully, his head tilted, and Chay is too incensed to properly appreciate the flex of Kim’s bare arms across his chest. “Interesting.” 

Chay thinks that maybe, from anyone else, interesting might have meant impressive. 

Kim turns his back on him again, then, leaving Chay to eat his now-cold breakfast while he finishes his coffee. Neither say anything else. It’s painful in a way silence always is for him—to Chay, silence means loneliness, means sitting at home and waiting for his brother to walk through the door, bloody and beaten, or it means hiding from debt collectors—but Chay refuses to break it again. 

He also refuses to look at Kim, which is why he startles when a porcelain cup is set down in front of him with a delicate clink, a cappuccino with delicate-looking latte art and a dusting of cocoa powder. He looks up and Kim’s back is already to him again as he finishes making his own coffee. He cleans the espresso machine, puts away his tools, and leaves without another word, no doubt in search of a better refuge to enjoy his morning coffee, without Chay breathing down his neck. Even though Chay already wasn’t doing that. 

Whatever, it’s not like it matters. 

Chay picks up his latte. He’s a little bit mad at how good it is, blooming rich and smooth on his tongue, and not overly sweet. 

Like Kim, he thinks, glowering into the milk foam. 

[cloudyswritings]

Dear Cousy

Hello! How’s the weather?

I don’t know if your a Minecraft fan but I need to know your opion on Enderman Biology. My brain keeps telling me that as primordial agents of entropy they just DONT have biology but that seems boring and you are the best Spec Bio person I know I need answers

Respectfully Frantic

-Clever-Naming-Convention

As always the weather is cloudy!! I am indeed a Minecraft fan though I’ve never really done biology for it so bear with me!(and sorry for the late reply!)

Let’s get right into it!

Why do Endermen hate water?

So this really puzzled me at first, and I was kinda scratching my head for a bit honestly, until I thought about it a little more.

See the Endermen are supposed to be uncanny, enough like what we know to be familiar and yet unsettling enough to scare us. Fundamentally they’re unlike us.

So I added one and one together and realized that hey, what if Enderment were NOT carbon based lifeforms?

And wouldn’t you know it, when you add water to silicon it creates silica, which , notably, would destroy the organic molecules that silicon can create.

So, to answer the question, Endermen hate water—and take damage from it— because exposure to it literally starts turning them into glass. Really makes you wonder about the end pillars doesn’t it…

Moving on: What do they eat

Despite being found around end ships and end cities, it’s clear our lanky pals didn’t build them. Yet we know they can pick up and move blocks and tend to do so with some frequency in the overworld(and nether). So what’s that about?

We’ve got a couple options here, but my favorite of the bunch is that this is part of how these fellas eat. See it would track that being silicone based life Endermen would need to absorb minerals and such in order to survive, this could by the reason behind why they pick up and then place down blocks.

Essentially they’re absorbing the silicone and other necessary components from those blocks and then setting them aside when they’re done.

Adding to this I also wonder if they might be radiotrophic, that is, using radiation to feed. This is largely based on the ends resemblance to space, which has a much higher amount of radiation than on earth meaning it would be far more viable as an energy source under those conditions

Also some earth fungi do actually use radiation like this, and wouldn’t you know it, they’re generally black because of how they use melanin to safely process said radiation into useful forms.

The Endermen could very well be doing the same thing with a silicon based equivalent pigment.

this would also explain why we never see them eating in game.

Long story short, Endermen use radiation and minerals from blocks they pick up(absorbed through openings in their carapace on their hands) to survive. But cloudy, I hear you asking, what about the chorus fruits? Don’t worry, we’ll get there, and it’ll be far more horrifying than expected.

Next up: Of Men and Mites:

So what the hell is the deal with endermites?

Obviously they parasitize endermen, that’s their whole deal. But seemingly there aren’t really any negative side effects for the men explaining why they had the mites, again aside from parasites being gross.

Well, what if I told you that endermites are why we have ender pearls!

See when an endermite infects an enderman they instinctually head for the reproductive organs, where they begin to dissolve the spore-glands(we’ll get to that in a bit) and begin making cocoons where they will lay their eggs. These eggs eventually develop into larval endermites which burrow out of the enderman when fully grown to start the cycle again.

This renders the enderman infertile(and leaves chemical traces letting other mites know they aren’t a suitable host anymore) hence why they hate endermites.

However if and enderman is kill before these eggs can hatch, well, they don’t exactly survive outside of an appropriate host, and boom. Enderpearls. Incidentally these pearls still retain the larval mites ability to teleport, which we make great use of, at the expense of dealing with fragments of enderman ovaries/endermite egg casings damaging us when we teleport.

Also the fact we can get at most 4 pearls from an enderman tells us they’ve got four spore glands

To recap: Ender pearls are endermite eggs and occur when a mite infects and Enderman and dissolves it’s spore glands/ovaries.

So, about those spores:

Endermen are much like the common fern

yeah, so what the fuck do I mean by that?

I mean that they have two adult reproductive stages.

Stage 1: is the Endermen we know and love, and stage two is the Chorus fruit.

Adult sexually mature enderman will release spores that float through the end island on the breeze until they they find a place to take hold and root. Generally large groups of Endermen will all release their spores in synch, sorta like how corals spawn when the moon is full.

Once rooted these spores begin growing into Chorus fruits, which are occasionally predated upon by Shulkers, though generally it’s the stems of the “plant?” that they consume.

Once matured, a Chorus plant produces flowers, which are then cross-pollinated to ensure genetic diversity. Once this is achieved Chorus fruits are produced, which given time will form a large shell/egg like husk from which a fully formed adult enderman will eventually emerge. Think of butterflies and their chrysalis.

Interestingly the Endermen actually serve a role similar to butterflies, see because in their Chorus plant stage Endermen are immobile they can’t relocate or ensure the survival of their genes if conditions worsen.

By producing Endermen who then range far away from their home forests they ensure their genes survive and increase genetic diversity as a whole. This also explains why Endermen are capable of extremely fast movement/teleportation. Their only job is to get as far away as possible.

Basically, Endermen are fucked up silicon based ferns, and they attack you when you look at them because they mistake you(or not) as a threat to their ability to spread their spores. Also eating chorus fruit means you ate baby Endermen.

Wow! This really ran away for me, thanks for the cool ask @clever-naming-convention!! I’ll definitely be doing more with this cause I’ve got more thoughts

[i-literally-cant-with-this]

Panty Dropper

@callm3senpaii was so kind tagging me in this and I know I should have been asleep but I couldn't stop thinking about stuff to write. Will I be tired today? I probably already am. Will it be worth dragging my ass around? Most definitely.

Things they do that have me throwing my panties on the floor and my ankles in the air:

TOJI :

~ The bulge in his pants and the scar on his lips.

~ When he stands, sits, when he's hard. Especially if he wants to hug me or pull me down onto his lap. And if he looks at me and licks the scar, I'm immediately flooding my pants. I don't know what it is about scars, whether they're on chests, arms, faces, backs (omfg backssss). They're just so fucking sexy to me. I want to lick them all.

~ He'll press that mass right into me. Knowing damn well what he's doing. Same with the scar, he knows wtf is up. If he wants my attention but doesn't want to have to say that he wants it, he'll just stare at me and lick the corner of his mouth until I'm dropping down on his face.

~ It gets worse the longer we're out of the house. Having to show self-restraint and not drop to my knees and rip his low-hanging pants from his godlike hips is not #1 on my to-do list.

~ HE IS, though.

REINER :

~ Jesus Christ. The way he would hold me all the time. How he can flip-flop between being gentle one minute to shoving my back up against any hard surface that was easily accessible, rolling and grinding his hips into me.

~ How needy he can be sometimes is so hot. Like, he can't fucking live another second without burying his face in my cunt or stuffing me full of his cock. Or tongue. Let's be real, the man loves to eat.

~ He's also emotional AND emotionally stupid. He tries to express himself and sometimes he just gets so pissed off that he doesn't have the words that he'll shut down. And I wouldn't be able to sit by and watch him beat himself up about some shit that happened 10 years ago. I'd have to climb up on his lap and start rubbing my ass all over him to get his focus to shift.

~ Watching him hold a baby would make every single good egg I had left drop down, ready to create life with him. He's so fucking big and seeing him hold something so small and fragile would make me insane with lust. (As if I'm not always DTF this guy). I'd whisper in his ear to give the baby back to her (yes, it would be a baby girl, all pinked out) parents because I need him upstairs shooting his hot load into me and telling me how much he wants to fuck a baby into me and watch my body change while nurturing life (WHERE THE FUCK DID THAT COME FROM. LITERALLY WHAT. TF.)

~ His sweet gestures would kill me so softly. He would bring me a wild flower that he saw somewhere while he was out. Or he'd bring me a little succulent clipping that he snagged while he was at Home Depot getting stuff to make the rack to hold our sex swing that was going to be delivered in 2 days. 1 if the mail runs a little faster than anticipated.

~ I don't know how else to articulate this other than to tell you that we'd dance like they do in Dirty Dancing (the OG movie. Not the remake shit). You know how Baby and Johnny danced with each other when they'd basically straddle each others thighs and just grind while his hands were on her ass and she was clinging to him to keep herself from falling over backwards, even though there was no way in hell that he'd ever let go of her. And how he'd turn me around and have my back to his chest while we're just like, making our hips go in circles while we're in the living room listening to songs like "Cry To Me." Fucking shoot me now, please. I can't stand another minute without this guy.

Sanemi :

~ This motherfucker. His lack of personal space with me would be irritating at first. Like, he would always come to bed with me at the same time. Sleep smooshed up next to me, even during summer months when it's too hot to lay like that unless you have 3 box fans pointing at you (and I DO) just to take the edge off of the humidity swarming around you. But eventually, when he'd stay up to do something, video games or working out, whatever, and I go to bed alone, I definitely would just lay there and miss him. So I'd call for him and he'd come peek his head in the room and ask me what I need.

~ I'd admit that I need him because I'm so goddamn used to feeling his body next to me that I don't know what to do with myself when I'm not all tangled up in him. I just toss and turn not feeling grounded in my own bed.

~ So he'll turn off all the lights because he's a responsible electricity user and do his bedtime routine then finally come in and lay with me.

~ But he's not really tired. And he will turn over to face me and starts rubbing my thigh with his left hand, sloooowwwlllyy going higher until he's got his fingers dancing over the waistband of my --- wait, I won't be wearing panties. Scratch that. He'd play with the hem of my t-shirt and inch his way between my thighs until my knees are opening up for him.

~ "You still not tired?" is all he'd have to say to me in his deep, husky nighttime voice and I'd pull him over on top of me because I can't resist his voice, even in the daytime. But there's just something about his voice at night that does me in. It's heavy with the days weight and he wants to let go of everything. And I would help him with all that shiz.

LEVI

~ There are several things that he would do that'd lead to my clothes spontaneously disappearing.

~ If I walked in on him cleaning ANYTHING my pants would combust on the spot. There is something about a man who takes tidiness seriously. And no one takes it more seriously that Levi.

~I would try to get him to wear nothing but an apron to clean stuff up in, but he'd just call me a dumbass and continue his dusting.

~ When he is getting annoyed with me and his voice gets all disciplinary and starts yelling at me a little bit to "Knock my shit off", it's only going to egg me on more.

~ I would love to push his buttons until he was beating my ass over the kitchen table, counter, dishwasher, shower, closet, cat food dish. Idfc.

~ Also when he would drive us somewhere, he'd have his hand on my thigh and subconsciously rub and squeeze it whenever he'd get pissed off at the other idiots on the road.

~ It would be the way that he'd kiss me goodbye in the morning and then he would pull away only to lean in for a deeper kiss as his hands wrapped around my waist and pulled me into him.

~ The way the heat from his cock would warm me wherever it pressed into me as he was trying to leave for work that day. "I'm working from home today, yes. Yes, thank you. I'll be in tomorrow," he looks at me, "Possibly."

[a-decent-human-being5]

My Thoughts and Opinions on all the Season One Drawtectives Witnesses Because I Just Finished Rewatching it

(Spoilers under the cut btw)

Buzz: Yeah his design is adorable the drawtectives are completely valid to just melt the second he comes on screen. I adore his voice and the fact that he doesn’t really talk that much, very fun contrast with the cute design. His crush on Dr. Fontaine is also incredibly cute glad they got to sit next to each other at Huck E. Heese. Wish I could eat some of his food but that’s kinda how I feel about all fictional chefs cause I like good food.

Don Jovi: What a name. I remember when I first watched the show I didn’t like him very much because he was the first witness to say “well you gotta earn the clue about the murder” but all things considered they’re chill. I don’t have many thoughts on them though other than the fact that it’s funny how even he finds the crew’s love for Buzz to be a bit much.

Avis Smythe: He obviously didn’t do it but I absolutely feel like he would kill for his son, even though he doesn’t actually know his age lol. Idk he just defends Ogalvy as a good kid so much, despite how blatantly obvious of a troublemaker he is, that I absolutely could see him killing for him if it came to that. Which brings me to yeah in terms of being a good dad he probably should set more boundaries but I love that he just lets Ogalvy do basically whatever weIl also swearing up and down that he’s such a good boy. I get why he was chosen as the fall guy but I also love that the crew went the complete opposite direction with it of “well it couldn’t be Avis cause he’s so nervous he’d probably just tell us if he did it”. However that does always make me wonder how he was able to be a good mole in his job. Also I didn’t say it yet but for him and Ogalvy both the designs are amazing. The reveal that they aren’t actual bird people is iconic. I love how their designs still perfectly match the masks like I would expect no one else under those masks you know.

Ogalvy Smythe: He’s such a little chaotic troublemaker of a kid I absolutely adore it. The fact that this child is not just a thief but a dedicated thief is amazing. Like he’s actively getting so upset when he realizes that there were expensive jewels in this house that someone who’s not him already stole. It’s perfect. He’s also Such a funny character like his lines are iconic and consistently had me laughing. It’s just that complete accurate bluntness that a 5 or something year old has. I don’t want to repeat myself too much but it should be said just how good his design is. Like he is just an egg and I love that for him. It’s not that important and makes sense but I do appreciate just how fitting the cartoon characters he assigned to each of the drawtectives are. Like yes Rosé gets hot lady, York gets hot guy, and Grendan gets dog, perfect. Also speaking of the drawtectives I love how they all eventually came around on him. And of course you can’t talk about Ogalvy without talking about his bond with Rosé. It’s adorable love these thief buddies love that Rosé takes him under her wing despite the fact that she’s trying to get out of that lifestyle. I love it all. Rosé asking what all he stole to try and see if he has the jewels is both a very smart move on her end and such a cute little bonding moment. Plus that gave us all the iconic line of “the hearts and minds of the people”. Overall I just absolutely love Ogalvy he’s probably my second favorite witness and despite his criminal tendencies, or let’s be honest here do in large part to them, he’s such a fun and charming character.

Faucon: Coolest person ever. I love how laid back she is it can sometimes be very funny just how chill she is about absolutely everything. Like just how cool she is was something so refreshing that it was almost comical. Love how she inspired Grendan to change up his name for the first time that’s pretty cool. Even though the name change is just a joke at that point Faucon is still just so supportive of it like it’s real sweet to see. Objectively she’s just the down to earth celebrity but she’s so good at being it you know. She’s cool and understanding while also not down playing her fame. I feel like most down to earth celebrities in fiction fall into a trap of just disregarding or not really liking their fame but that’s not really Faucon. She might be chill and not actively bringing up her status as a celebrity but she still loves her music and her band and if her interactions with the drawtectives is anything to go off of her fans too. She is truly just so nice and supportive about like absolutely everything. Even for something simple like Grendan not knowing many songs her immediate response is, that’s fine and you shouldn’t feel like you have to lie about it. Ended up loving her a lot more than I previously did upon rewatch.

Harper Justice: A lot of people love Harper but I’m not one of those people. I get why other’s like her so much but I am York in this situation. Her spoiled contradictions in her morals upset me. I also can’t stand how she didn’t give them any clues at the end of it. I do like her a lot more in the one shot stream where she’s less drunk and angry, plus giving her a pet that she loves immediately makes her more endearing. This post is only really about season one though so as it stands I still don’t really like her. I hope that her and her mom get closer after she tells her the truth about her past though. I just think it would be nice especially since they’re the only members of the justice family that are left.

Sam Ug: Sam gives us a lot of interesting information after Grendan uses their power on her. I really think her past as a criminal is intriguing especially in relation to Sorin giving her a second chance and her not really trusting people because of her past. Love that she’s based on a dragon and the cigarette representing the smoke is a cool choice. Kinda unrelated to her as a character but her drawing prompt is one of my absolute favorites in season one. It’s just so funny to watch the crew explain photoshop actions in traditional art wording as everyone is just sitting there like damn you really brought your whole ass art kit here tonight huh Grandma. Overall though I think she’s interesting and her past has some cool implications about how she is currently.

Emery Justice: Emery is a horrible evil dad killer we know this, however sense we do know this it can be a little fun to watch him upon rewatch. Like seeing him so quickly agree with any witness the drawtectives propose. Watching him talk up how strong the person must of had to be to overpower his dad. How he out the gate says he wants to help catch whoever is responsible for his father’s death. Like I don’t really like Emery and he’s probably my least favorite witnesses of this season, but sense he is the murder he can also be kinda interesting for that reason.

Susan Fontaine: She’s very sweet and very proficient in her field of work which I respect. She’s actually so sweet that it catches the crew completely off guard, which is pretty funny to watch considering they’re so not used to someone being so agreeable and easy to work with. I think it’s cute how she knows most celebrities because of the interns at her job like it’s just kinda sweet. To me her listening to her interns about casual stuff kinda just shows her caring nature even outside of this case. Also I already said it when talking about Buzz but they’re pretty cute together. Them sitting at Huck E. Heese is adorable. Yeah she’s nice and sweet but I honestly don’t have many thoughts about her outside of that.

Llarm Alasa: My favorite witnesses. He is fashionable for one like the outfit is just great. I completely forgot that he opened it up with the drawing prompt immediately but I kinda love it. It kinda feels like a fun contrast to Dr. Fontaine who gave them all the information up front and then asked for a drawing after just for fun. I don’t know if this was at all intentional but it sure works out nicely with their episodes being back to back. Him just wanting to do something by getting into the drawing challenge dose makes sense though cause as he says he’s been in this room for ever. Also he’s so incredibly tired which again is completely fair considering he’s the last witness and had to just sit in this room for 10 hours. And all this on the same night that one of his best friend died like that sucks so much. He’s so clearly not doing well right now given the whole situation so he tries to distract himself with invention ideas so he doesn’t have to think about it. He basically says this himself. He also brings up how he tends to bury himself in his work to distract from his personal problems which just has me sitting there like bud that’s an awful coping strategy. I’m just glad that at the end of it though the drawtectives give him a new thing for him to think about with whether or not anyone there has been an animatronic the whole time. Also can I just say that his response of “that would be amazing” to that thought is so funny. Like given the witnesses track record you think he would just say it sounds stupid or something but no, to him that idea is cool as hell. It’s just so endearing and speaking of things that make him endearing, I’m great at segways I know, I love him for being a cat owner. Plus it’s a black cat that’s named after something he really enjoys which appeals to me specifically as someone who also has a black cat that was named after something I enjoyed. It is a slight upset that he doesn’t show the crew any cat photos but like he comes around in the end by telling them to follow his Binstagram so I won’t hold it against him. Honestly the only real slight I have against him is that you can not go around picking up obvious murder weapons off the floor my guy. Like do I kinda respect him for not really trusting the bumbling idiots that are the B team cops? Yes. Do I think that could be an interesting thing to think about considering he was Sorin’s close friend and wanting an important piece of evidence to be taken care of properly kinda shows a weird sense of care for him? Also yes. But do I think it was a good move? Absolutely not. At least he eventually trusts to give it to Jancy and the other three. Also I do think he’s mainly trusting Jancy over the drawtectives considering he actively lets out a sigh of relief when she comes in the room. Anyways I’m sorry that I rambled so much about my favorite but I just love him so much he’s literally my favorite witnesses/npc of the entire series.

[hotchners-wifey]

Save Her

Spencer Reid x Fem!Reader, Platonic!BAU x Reader, Morgan!Sister Reader

Summary: Y/N has a past she's never told anyone about, she was involved in some heavy things when she lived in England with her Aunt and Uncle. Things she thought were murdered along with her best friend, things she thought went missing with her boyfriend. Things that followed her to Quantico, Virginia. Previous Chapter~ Next Chapter Chapter Warnings: hangovers and peer pressures

________________________________________ Four days before Y/N disappears ________________________________________

I woke up before everyone else and decided to grab some Aspirin and start cooking some Waffles, bacon and eggs for the girls knowing that when they wake up they'll be hungry and have a pounding headache. Right as I finished cooking I turned and spotted the them waking up to the smell of food. JJ got up first and walked to the kitchen, "I smell coffee." was the first thing she said. I chuckled and grabbed a mug out of the cabinet and filled up the mug. "Did you want any creamer?" She nodded and I walked to the fridge, "I got caramel and vanilla, which one do you want?" She looked up with her hands shielding her eyes from the lights, "Vanilla please." I nodded grabbing the creamer and noticed Penny and Emily were both sitting at the island as well. "Good morning you two, how did you guys sleep?" Emily just groaned and looked at the coffee in the pot, I nodded grabbing two more mugs and the creamer. "Well I take it you guys had a lot of fun last night." JJ groaned behind her coffee mug, "I never want to experience last night ever again." I laughed loudly causing all three of them to groan at the loud noise. "Sorry, but if you don't normally drink that much why did you?" They looked at me like I had three heads. "Because you were going out with us." Penny exclaimed with a slightly upset face, "And you were supposed to be getting plastered with us." Emily continued I smiled innocently, "Well if I had gotten plastered with you then who was going to drive us home?" JJ thought for a minute, "Normally when we go out to drink and have a night out the guys all take one vehicle in which either Spence or Hotch drives because they don't drink like that either." I shook my head and grabbed some plates, "Well how was I supposed to know that? I never go out with you guys remember?" JJ shrugged "Well it doesn't matter now. The real question is why you cooked food for us when we could've gotten room service?" I placed their plates of food in front of them and shrugged, "I felt like you guys could use a home cooked meal with a touch of motherly love. This is my mothers special breakfast that she would make us every Sunday morning before church." Penny's head shot up at that, "This is one of Mrs. Morgan's famous meals?" I nodded and smiled, "Yeah Mom taught me how to make everything I cook or bake. She was my personal chef when I was a kid, Dad never wanted Mom to teach Derek how to cook because he was a firm believer that Derek should have someone take care of him but she always secretly taught him when she taught me and my sisters." Emily and JJ were shocked to find out that Derek knows how to co. "Don't tell him I told you that, he'll kill me." Emily snorted, "Oh I'm definitely making a joke about this." I sighed in defeat, once Emily said she was going to do something there was no getting her to back down from it. We spent the day watching movies and eating snacks and eventually after the girls were feeling better we went to the mall and bought ourselves some new clothes, Penny bought some new trinkets for her desk and I found the cutest Doctor Who paper weight for Spencer. "Really?" Emily questions when she sees me approach them with the paper weight in my hands, "What? It's for Spence. You know how much he loves these little things." Penny laughed, "Of course you know that Y/N." I turned to look at her confused, "What's that supposed to mean Penny?" She laughed and shrugged. "I'm just saying you know a lot about what Spencer Reid likes, way more than we do." I nodded, "Yeah of course I do because I actually listen to him." JJ smiled, "Guys just let her buy the paper weight for Spence, Penny you buy things for Derek and Emily you buy things for your cat Sergio. The people and pets you love deserve gifts." I nodded along to her words, "Yeah let me buy things for the person I love-wait what?!" JJ burst out laughing and eventually Penny and Emily joined in while I stood there fuming that I got tricked like that. "Oh Y/N we already know you love Spencer, you didn't have to tell us that again."

[patibato]

[Bitter Sweet Sixteen] 002-B05 - That jeans in GHOST WORLD

Akuta: unlove?

Nanaki: …

Akuta: Nanaki?

Nanaki: Well…

Kiroku: …The masked… artist… unlove…

Ushio: The same unlove that made the song for R1ze's HosLive?

Muneuji: The one being lauded as the next big thing online—

Nanaki: … Well…

Akuta: …

Yachiyo: Pl…!

PLEASE KILL MEEEEEEEE!!

Muneuji: …What a remarkable jump into a bow. I'm amazed.

Yachiyo: I'm sorry I'm sorry! I just went and blabbed out serious information!

Of course, it's not like the President leaked that info or anything! I just went and—

I just went and gave in to my stalker tendencies because I wanted to know what kind of person could make such lovely music!

I searched a whole bunch and found out! I'm sorry for being a creep~~~! Death! Death!

Nanaki: No… I'm, uh, grateful you think so, so you can get off the floor now.

Yachiyo: I'm a huge fan~~~~!

Nanaki: Thank you… …

Ushio: Holy shit, he's got like a hundred thousand followers.

Did that live song make a bit of a buzz? The number just keeps going up. Bandwagoning much?

Muneuji: That's incredible, Nanamegi. I'd never have thought I'd be so close to someone so famous.

Nanaki: Aah… I didn't really intend to hide it, but I figured it'd be fine if only people in the know like Oguro-san were aware…

Ah, I do want to keep it a secret at school. I'd appreciate you doing that for me.

Kiroku: …Right… got, it… But still… that's, ama… zing…

Ushio: Hah, it's like a swan egg got mixed in with us. Right, Idiotake?

Akuta: …!

That's AWESOOOOME, Nanaki!!!! What? A hundred thousand? How many people per follower is that???

Muneuji: A hundred thousand.

Akuta: Woooah, that's our music head for ya~!!

That rules~! As for me, I've still—

I've, still… …

…

(What the—I can't get my words out. …Why?)

(This weird fuzzy feeling… won't go away…)

Ushio: …

Liguang: … It's been awfully quiet since this morning.

What of those brats?

Yukikaze: Apparently they're back at school today.

They've been making the mornings lively lately. It feels… a bit lonely. That said—

There's some leftovers from the bentos I made for the students and Momiji. Would you like to eat together?

Liguang: Much appreciated.

Female Student A: Morning! Hey, did you check dazzle!? Some weird ball thing's heading North!

Female Student B: I saw~! The egg thing, right? Apparently it's getting closer to here.

Female Student A: Yeah yeah! It's jumping and walking up! I don't get it at all! Like, what the hell?

Female Student B: There's lots of eyewitness reports, but I hear it keeps escaping when they try to catch it. Just what is it?

Nanaki: Time to go, then.

Momiji: Hold on, everyone gather round. Let's review.

The press release from the other day was just an announcement aimed towards journalists. News for the general public will be published at a later date.

In particular, the matter of who we've appointed is top secret for the time being—

Akuta: …

Momiji: So you can't go telling anyone that you're Ward Mayors now, okay? Promise me.

Ushio: You don't have to drill it in so hard, we've got it.

Muneuji: It's important enough to confirm multiple times. —Understood, Chief.

Momiji: Ok! Let's reconvene in the clubroom after homeroom.

Kiroku: … We'll… get, going… then…

Nanaki: …See you later.

Akuta: Ah, conversation's over? 'Kay, I'll get—

Momiji: Ah, hold back a moment Akuta-kun!

Akuta: Yeah!? What's up?

Momiji: Just want to do a quick progress check! How's the concept coming along? Are you making progress?

Akuta: I mean, I am making progress, but it's not done yet. Anyway—

Honestly, I don't think there's any time for school, y'know…

Momiji: … I understand how it's going. It's alright, we can think about it together again later.

Akuta: …

Akuta: Good morning everyone!

Mornin'~ Okabe~

Okabe: Aah… morning.

Akuta: Mor~ning, Sasaki~

Sasaki: …

Akuta: …

(My classmates are basically i~ndifferent towards me.)

Hey hey! Did'ja see the news about the Ward Mayors?

Sasaki: You mean how they were chosen from Asu-High? An important role like that's gotta go to Rank Five students like Kuraku.

Akuta: (Their faces are screaming that they don't think I could do it.)

…

Well~ the truth is, I'm actually one of them~~~~!

Sasaki: Huh?

Akuta: (Ah, crap. I said it without thinking, even though I promised not to.)

(Ah, but getting fussed over might help me come up with something… probably!)

I kinda happen to be one of the Ward Mayors~

Sasaki: …Pfft… ahahaha ahaha! That joke's not even funny, coming from a Rank One~~~!

Okabe: Why would they pick YOU of all people! You damn bomber! Hahahahahaha!

Akuta: … You really gotta laugh so hard?

Classmate C: …Uum, sorry to interrupt. Isotake-kun.

Akuta: ? What?

Classmate C: There's someone waiting for you… in the hallway.

*door opens*

Akuta: Yo! Nanaki? Kiroku? Muneuji? Or, no way, is it Ushio—

Yumenosuke: Good morning, Isotake Akuta-kun.

Akuta: Huh! Who're you?

Yumenosuke: E-excuse me!? You don't know I, the Student Council President!? I'll have you know I frequently give speeches at school assemblies!

Akuta: Do you? I don't remember!

Yumenosuke: H-hmph, what can I expect from a Rank One. Well, whatever.

Apologies for calling you out so suddenly, but there's a matter I wish to discuss with you. Akuta-kun—

Though not officially announced yet, you are appointed as a Tourism Ward Mayor, aren't you.

Akuta: -— Why do you know that!?

(Wait, this means there's finally someone who's noticing me!)

Yumenosuke: Hahahaha… finding out this much is no trouble at all. Now then—

Just what kind of tour plan are you going with? I'll keep it between us, so you can tell me, can't you?

Akuta: Uh… it's kinda…

Yumenosuke: Based on your reaction, is it perhaps not going well? Even though the open days will be upon us soon?

Akuta: …

Yumenosuke: Ha ha ha ha! Don't look so despondent now!

If you tell a high schooler to suddenly come up with a business plan, it's only natural that it won't go well!

Particularly when that student is a below-average Rank One!

Akuta: … …

Yumenosuke: Well, I thought something like that would happen! I've just sent something to your school email address.

I apologise for my impertinent behaviour, but I believe it will help you out of this situation—I implore you to watch it.

Akuta: It'll help me?

Yumenosuke: Of course. —Oh my, would you look at the time! I must be off now!

I'm entrusted with many important roles, and so I'm very busy! Today I must stand before everyone at our full-school joint homeroom—

Akuta: Ah, 'kay…

Yumenosuke: Excuse me, then! Ha ha ha ha!

Akuta: …

Previous Chapter | Next Chapter

Masterlist

[drifting-pieces-blog-blog]

Introspection

Summary: Moon Knight Comic universe. A study of the Interpersonal relationships between Marc, Jake, Steven, Mr. Knight, and Moon Knight.

They don't always get along. Sometimes they have no choice but to hold things together while one of them seems determined to take them apart.

Pairings: Gen fic, Brief mentions of Greer and Marc.

Warnings: Dissociation

Word Count: 4715

A personal note: I started this as something else and then had a small mental health event and continued to work on this. So it didn't go where I had planned on going. But here it is for whatever it's worth. I hope it's worth something.

----

MARC

Sometimes I remember life one way and sometimes I remember it another. It’s hard to pin it all down. If you asked me what I did this morning I’d be hard pressed to tell you the fine details but I can guess the usual. 

Each awakening starts the same. I listen to just about every joint in my body pop and creak as I crawl out of bed and wait for sensation to return to my body. I imagine it much like watching someone claw their way out of a shallow grave. When I am sure that the body is mine, I chug the coffee that by now must be two days old and reheated so many times the burnt smell only makes me think it’s stronger than it is. 

It does nothing for my headache but at least the double vision blurs into one and I can do more than make further zombie sounds. This does little for the popular notion that I am a dead man that has returned from the grave so many times that I sometimes catch myself glancing in the mirror at the symbole on my forehead. Is it still a moon? Am I sure? Is it the crest of a god or the word of another? Perhaps it is the truth. 

I try not to think about it if I don’t want to spend the next hour fading in and out of that dangerous void. 

Today is a bad day. I can’t stay out of the past. It happens. The past is a long dark tunnel or a glimpse of a street light I once stood too long under. 

I can feel the annoyance as I fade and cling at the same time. He calls me a pain as I dig my heels in. I’ve been told that I have a nasty tendency to dig my grubby mitts in so hard that it takes a considerable fight to knock me out of place. He says I have control issues. 

I don’t do it on purpose. I frankly wouldn’t know how to stay if I wanted to. I tend to come and go like a nasty habit you just can’t get rid of. Every time you think you’ve kicked it, it comes crawling back. 

Sure, I can give it up for them when we talk. When we talk. I remember the silence. Confusion and blanks written off with a shrug. Then I remember the yelling. There used to be so much yelling. Like siblings yelling from one room to the other over a barrier of invisible walls and doors that rattled on old hinges. 

We don’t yell anymore. Mostly. He calls me short sighted. The other one calls me a Schlimazel. He thinks he’s funny. I snapped and called him a Meshuggeneh once and he laughed about it for two weeks straight. He takes a special delight when I speak in that tongue. 

I think there is a popular opinion that we act like a big family full of love. Just a bunch of brothers that look out for one another. Bullshit. We are not brothers. Brothers in our situation would have probably killed each other years ago. The truth is that we are three grown men all trying to drive the same car and decide on where it’s going all at the same time. 

Sometimes we want to go to the living room and end up on the fucking roof. And it’s always anyone’s guess on how we got up there. When was the last time we ate? Did the other one go nuts on eggs again or did I have the reins and forget to eat for three days because I’m an idiot? It’s anyone’s guess. 

It has taken us a very very long time to figure out how to function. How to work as a team. How to care about one another. We certainly didn’t come into this wanting to help the other guy stop crying. It was just annoying listening to him cry all the time. We wanted him to stop. I wanted him to stop. I wanted to stop. He wanted me to stop. We were just kids. Just kids learning to share and… 

Here I go again, floating into the void and I think we’ve been staring at the same spot on the wall for ten minutes. He’s fucking yelling at me to get my shit together. 

I know what would really piss him off. I don’t want to piss him off. But I do. I piss him off by existing sometimes. He used to wish I would go away. He could put up with the other one but me? I was unacceptable. I used to wish I would go away too. I hated how much I was present. Always there. Always waiting to be angry. Waiting to punch something. Waiting to find a reason. 

They both tell me I need to stop. I needed to learn how to exist. I existed enough. It’s how we got into this mess. I existed. My name was put on a paper: Here Elias begat Marc and all the trouble that came with. 

I’m the trauma. I’m the reason. I’m the one that ran. I’m the one that made the decisions. I’m the one that lost… 

Now here’s the territory that he won’t let me near. Says I get too close and hurt myself too much. As if I can’t help but shout out “Here I am”. 

And as I sit and stare into the fire of my trauma, he finally pulls me and it feels like a relief as even the body lets out a sigh. 

STEVEN

It takes a minute. It doesn’t always. When he cooperates it’s like lightning. That’s the problem though, isn’t it? Marc Spector cooperating? The very notion of it makes me smile. 

Like the notion that Marc might actually take the moment to be more aware. I’d laugh if I wasn’t so pissed off. 

Don’t get me wrong. I’m not pissed at him. Not really. It’s hard to be pissed at him these days. Back at the start, though? All you had to do was imply his presence and I was pissed at the man. 

I think he still strives for that. He wants us to be angry at him. Give the man a stick and find him in the woods poking a bear for kicks. 

I’m pissed because I have to do this. I’m pissed because this is something that we still have to do. What brought it about this time? That’s always the part I hate the most. Trying to figure out why Marc had to be pulled. 

We know our places now. It wasn’t easy to figure out. There was a certain level of trust we had to reach to figure it out. When Marc was needed, we knew it was going to hurt. We hardly ever asked for his help. It was pride not to. 

Me? Needing his help? When I could just avoid the situation all together, why would I need his help? 

My denial was deep enough to drown us. My pride, the anchor that brought us down. 

Marc thinks I’d have been the perfect son. I was better. I was the one you introduced to your friends. And in this corner you see Steven Grant, poised and perfect. Just don’t ask him where his family is from. A nod and a wink and we can pretend he’s something else, right? 

Marc forgets how outright obnoxious I used to be. Forget the bruised knees and black eye. That was someone else. My creases were all pressed and my shirts were the whitest. “Yes teacher or course teacher right away teacher”. With grades and posture, I could look down my nose at the world. 

So why wasn’t I the perfect son? Because that was someone else. The real mensch. Yeah, he came a little late, but that’s the nature of him, isn’t it? While Marc and I circled the drain, he sat back with the plug yucking it up with the locals. He doesn’t know our trauma. Our pain. He shifts in and out like it’s nothing. That’s his job. 

Now I’m beyond annoyed. That spot on the wall still hasn’t moved and I’m stuck playing put the lid back on everything Marc opened up. 

I don’t tell him. He has enough to beat himself up over. I don’t tell him how it all carries over. I don’t tell him how his tears sting a little bit more when I’m the one shedding them. I don’t tell him that my hands shake just a little bit as I flush out our wounds. 

There’s a new bruise and I swear it lines up with someone’s fist perfectly. The night was long and now here we sit with ice and a fog that I can’t make go away. Images of our father float in and out and I hear something that I don’t know the words to. 

The fact that Marc does makes me angry. Angry at myself. 

Marc will never know how much he reminds me of our father. Not because he is like the man. No, they couldn’t be further from night and day. But Marc, full of vengeance and fire and bloody fists… No one worships like he does. Only our father, a Rabbi, could have more faith. 

I’d never tell him this, though. He wouldn’t understand. 

The wounds are clean and the bandages applied. My job is done and there is still so much more work to do. I do what I can. It’s not enough. It’s never enough. 

The mensch wants to know what’s going on. He doesn’t pay attention. He doesn’t have to. It’s my turn to be the stubborn ass and it isn’t till I feel the warm comfort of his embrace that I realize there’s more needed than a desperate need to make amends. 

JAKE

Bubbeleh, take a rest, eh? 

What’s going on up here? Why are we so worked up? I step out for a second and look at this mess. Stomach sounds like a grinder and I feel like we did ten rounds with that gorilla at the zoo. 

Steven makes a jab at my choice in food. What part of our life has been Kosher? Why start now? I think we’ll be forgiven if we break a few rules. Ah, there’s the issue, isn’t it? 

Memories. 

I can sit back and watch them. They play like an old flickering television with a bent antenna. 

No guess on who let these out of the box. He sulks in the back and I can feel his pain radiating across the whole void. 

Marc… If it was ever possible for someone to embody the word Schlep it would be Marc. I sit back quietly for a bit, letting the food soothe the body first. That quiets Steven down. Always worried about the body. The body relaxes and so does Steven. 

Steven settled, now comes the hard part. 

I do remember. I see the boy struggling and I see the other one rebelling in his own way. I remember stepping in more times than they know. I remember what it was to wrap ourselves in a large warm blanket and cry ourselves to sleep. 

The mustache goes on. Steven hates it. Hates what the adhesive does to our skin. I tell him to grow it out naturally; but then you’d have two problems instead of one. I’m a problem fixer. My problem can be fixed with adhesive and a hat.  

I pull my sweater closer and adjust my hat. Marc would riot if I wore the other hat. It was easier to dip into older traditions. It feels right. It feels like it holds us down and gives me the silhouette I know is right. 

Steven thinks I don’t know. I know more than he does sometimes. I never settled on denial. I just settled on acceptance. 

I whisper the right words. The ones that finish the song Steven forgot. They say there is a prayer for everything. Meditate on it long enough and there is a blessing for every situation. 

Sometimes a simple blessing is one that simply soothes the soul. It doesn’t have to make sense or even be appropriate. Just a notion that you do belong and that the good you do is truth enough to exist. 

“May it be your will that I lie down in peace and rise up in peace.” It isn’t the whole prayer. I don’t even remember the whole thing, but the whole thing isn’t what is needed now. Words are like that. Like a lullabye or a magic spell, we settle in peace. We know the truth to those words. 

And we do rise. We always rise up, but never in peace. But for now… At least we can lie down in a sort of peace. 

Cat naps, really. I close our eyes in the reclined seat of the cab as the sounds of the city soothe us into a slumber that keeps the dreams away. 

A yawn and a blinker later, we tour the city. This is my peace. Chit chat with the locals, a tip here and there from the underground. I smile to the fare and impart knowledge on the tourists. We were all dazzled by the city at one point or another. 

By the time my tour is over, we feel rested and refreshed. As much as is capable for us to feel anyways. I think if we ever really did rest we might not ever get back up again. 

Steven is quiet and back in place where he can pretend that maybe this time Marc might behave. I wish I lived in that bloke’s world. At least I know he won’t spiral for a bit. He likes to at least space out his breakdowns a bit. Adds flavor for when they really do build up. 

And a look up at the rising night sky assures me that Marc is also quiet, resting and pretending that he won’t be needed again. I don’t know how to tell him that he’ll always be needed. That he’s wanted. That I wouldn’t trust anyone else to watch my back. 

But now another bloke is stirring and asking questions. 

Yeah buddy, we got this. Just a hiccup or two. The usual. 

He relaxes and I let him stretch. He’s the shy one of the group, which is ironic considering just how flashy he is. 

You want denial, just ask him who lives under that mask. 

I relax back. He does better when we aren’t watching. Maybe someday he’ll feel confident enough to etch out his own place. It’s really enough to make me want to come up with a new prayer just for him. I was never a wordsmith though. Blessings were more of Marc’s territory anyways. 

MOON KNIGHT 

He gives us the information we need. He asks if we want to know about the day. We don’t. We appreciate the offer. He has a lot to share, but these things don’t mean anything to us. He has a lot of strength to offer and we appreciate him for it… But sometimes we enjoy just sitting in silence as we feel the moon and city and justice. 

We don’t know what we did today. We don’t know how the body is doing. We don’t know how they are doing. That isn’t really our business. Our business is up here under the sky under the mask. We can feel the bandages and know the fussy one has taken care of us. We feel energy and relaxed and know the chatty one has done his part. We also feel the anger and need to punch something and know our companion is ready. 

He isn’t always there. Sometimes it’s just me and I feel like a ghost, sliding through the moonbeams and haunting the streets. I don’t know how I feel about these times. 

Our companion helps us. We help him. He pretends to be us and we let him. He can pretend that he doesn’t exist and we are blended until his needs are ours and our actions are his. 

Sometimes he bleeds through. Sometimes the mask becomes heavy on his skin and we have to assert ourselves. We act on behalf of the system. We act because it’s what he needs. When his needs hurt, we let the others take him away. 

We aren’t sure when we became me. When I became individual. We prefer him to be there. We remember a time when we were one. Now we aren’t sure who or what we are. The fussy one prods at us sometimes. Questions us and tries to find out what we know. He asks us a lot of questions. Right now he dismisses us as essential to our companion and lets it go. The chatty one spends a lot of time trying to talk with us. He does not care for the mask and often sits back and just talks. I think he thinks we are a good way to see how our Companion is doing. 

Our companion sometimes resents us. We are the job. We are the work. We are the way for him to let off steam. We are the action to what needs to be done. 

But we are only here when the sky is dark and when justice is needed. When we slip away, it is just him and that is when the mask becomes too heavy. 

That is when we aren’t sure…  There is another we. 

Mr. Knight

I am not Marc Spector. This much I know. Marc doesn’t know this. It’s a recent development. Steven calls it ‘failure to trauma process’. Marc hides behind us. It is difficult to know when he is he and I am me. He is the man under the mask that does not wish to be there. I am the mask. 

The problem was that he would not take off the mask. We became new. 

I’m not sure what I think of things. Only Marc wears the mask. Jake doesn’t care to wear us. Our style doesn’t really match his, but he’s still supportive. Steven was exasperated by us at first but now he finds a useful transfer of information through us. The actual Knight? We’re a team. Sometimes we talk. Perhaps we have the most in common. We have jobs. Our job? We protect Marc. 

The Knight is difficult to speak with sometimes. He’s a bright white light in the dark and sometimes formless. I honestly can’t tell if he is one person or many pretending to be one. Maybe he’s all of us? Maybe I’m really just Marc pretending to be someone else. 

Steven tells me I’m too self aware for that. I asked Steven about the Knight once and Steven didn’t have an answer. 

Sometimes I am Marc. When his blood boils and he walks the street in search of something to hit I very much am Marc. I’m a thin shield over him, much like gauze over a wound. I don’t have fists. I am just the gloves that soak up the grime. 

I become myself when Marc checks out. He still loses time. He won’t admit it. Staring at the far wall while he sits in his chair or waters his plants. My plants. We keep things tidy. Perhaps that is why Steven likes us. 

I keep up appearances. How would it look to find ‘Mr. Knight’ standing in the corner staring at the dust on the leaves for the past twenty minutes? 

I think the others notice. The vampire? She knows. Once she met Steven she caught on real quick. Jake and Steven? Easy. Those two idiots couldn’t ever pretend to be someone else. They fought too long and hard to be independent. She isn’t sure about the Knight. It’s hard to tell with him. Perhaps she sees him as something else completely. Maybe he is. 

Me? She watches me carefully. Jake calls me ‘auto pilot’. When Marc goes ‘space case’ someone has to drive. I think the vampire avoids me when she doesn’t sense Marc there. Maybe I am an auto pilot. A way for him to watch the world without having to take off the mask. I’m okay with that.

The Tiger has noticed me but doesn’t say anything. She’s more familiar with Steven and Jake. Jake chats up anyone and everyone. Steven likes communication. Any way for him to ‘settle the system’ he takes it. The moment the Tiger officially became a part of the picture, Steven and Jake got involved. They like her. She is on edge around the Knight. Perhaps she senses something different about them. It’s hard not to. With me? She asks me to step back. She got Marc to take the mask off the other day. It was nice to step back. I’m not sure what will happen to me if Marc stops wearing the mask all the time. Maybe we become ‘Just Marc’ again. 

 I’m here as long as he needs me. 

Right now he needs me. We’re having a rough day. I say we because when Marc has a bad day, we ALL have a bad day. 

Marc is having a panic attack. 

His mask is off and he has locked himself in his room. The first line of defense steps up. 

We can all feel him assess the body. Marc digs in hard. In his worst moments it would take an act of sheer force to pry the body away from him. 

Steven is cool and collected as he looks the situation over. He talks to Marc and we all watch. It gets crowded up in the front during these times and Jake hangs back. He likes to show his support but also make sure no one else gets in the way. 

We had an incident a month back where we all tried to have opinions. Talk about loud chaos. 

Marc starts to yell and Steven shakes his head, not wanting to force it but not wanting to let it continue. 

The Knight simply watches, formless and bright. They don’t understand these things. They do understand that it can affect how they function though. 

Jake saunters in, hands in pockets as he talks to Marc and Steven. They all have history. 

Marc reaches for me. He wants to hide. I soak up the tears and cover the scars. 

Steven sighs and I can feel his pull as we wordlessly talk. I am auto pilot as Marc fades back and the body carries on. We feel tired. The information travels up the ranks and we all decide what to do with it. 

The Knight shares in his own strange way the memories of a full night. Jake shares memories of a full day. I sit in the chair and watch as the mission moves around us. 

Steven gives orders. Sleep. Short and sweet. 

Convincing Marc to sleep is a chore for the others, but not for me. 

When Marc thinks he is me, I can simply stand and move us to the sarcophagus. Climbing in, Marc settles back and we all feel the body sink in. 

We aren’t perfect, but we are a team. We have to be. 

Tomorrow Marc will wake up again. Tomorrow we will all find our places and tomorrow there might be more of us or less of us. Just gotta roll with the punches. 

Marc

Here we go again. Alarm. Awake. Headache. Confusion. Fight through. 

Fight through. 

Pain and aches and old blood and this deep fog that mutes all light and sound and color and feeling. I live here. I live in the blur. I work best in the blur. 

Muffled and soft. It lets me breathe. In and out. I can’t hear my own pounding blood rushing in my head. I can’t feel the cracks and pops as my legs bend and snap into place to lift this shell. 

I move past the room filled with plants I don’t remember buying. Past the decorations I don’t remember setting up. Hand tracing the ever breathing and changing walls of the living mission. 

I pause. 

“Good morning.” We understand one another. A haunted shell. Walls that hold nothing and too much. 

The walls breathe and I wait. I breathe with them, meditative and peaceful. A moment for me. Only for me. This is how I ground. I connect with the ghost in the walls until I too can inhabit my home. 

Good morning.

Coffee. Chatter. Energy. Noise. Movement. I’ve surrounded myself with movement. I remember a time when my life was non-stop movement. 

Come and go. Through the door as Steven, out the door as Jake, in the sky as Marc and… I try not to think too hard about that part. That time in my life is hard for me to pin down. I wasn’t the one driving most of the time. Then when I was, it was filled with pain. 

Now I’m sitting here and they move around me and I am waiting. The movement has slowed down. When I do go, it isn’t the constant shifting, changing, and rushing that it was. 

It feels… Languid. 

I gaze out the window. It’s a quiet night. I don’t trust the quiet ones. They drift slow and I’m left pacing like a caged tiger. 

“Marc. Sit.” Speaking of caged tiger… She watches me and gestures for me to join her. Calm and peaceful and domestic. 

I hesitate. Domestic was not something I could do. Domestic was his. 

They say cats can sense the switch. Maybe it’s chemical. Maybe it’s just sensing the mood. 

I try not to. I try domestic. I don’t deserve domestic. Domestic and Marc Spector do not belong together. 

It’s just sitting. 

Mr. Domestic chimes in. Of course he would. I stop and she watches. The mask hides the fade. I wonder if she can sense it because her tail starts to twitch. 

I’m grounded. I have no reason to give in. There is no danger. I have no reason to stay. All that stands before me now is the one thing Marc Spector has never been able to handle: Happiness. 

She isn’t gonna be happy if you don’t put your butt in that chair.

The other guy. Mr. Charm. As if he were a professional at making people happy. 

Take off the mask. 

We should patrol. 

Let’s go out and have a drink. 

We need to take a day off. 

The people need to see us. 

I’m so tired.

Needless to say we all have opinions. More than I would think there would be. Some that come softly and others that rock through us like a megaphone to the brain. 

I sit with her. She rolls up the mask just enough to touch the face. Our face. My face. 

Slowly. Like peeling back layers of grime and sand and blood and pain and trauma I let her take the mask away. She places it just in reach of me. As if she knows something I don’t. Something that makes my fingers twitch towards it, longing to touch it. To press it to my heart and keep it safe like a gentle friend. 

I take a breath. Let the air fill my lungs. Let the fog fade. Let the world settle. Let the Me I am becoming fight the Me I have been back and into submissive silence. 

There will be days. Days where that me wins. Days where I do not sit with her. Days where I flinch away and pull the mask back down. Days where the past pierces through me and I am lost again. 

“It’s quiet.” I close my eyes and lean back. 

“Quiet?” She gently curls into me. Warm and soft and heavy at my side. 

“For now.” I relax and feel my foundation shift, letting these old walls settle as they continue to hold it all up. The body sighs and I look at her. Me and him and the other and they and them and us. “Here I am.” 

We rise in peace. 

I let us be at peace. 

[narcissusbrokenmirror]

It's so funny that Alex is an all day stressed person.

but imagine him and Willie living together, Alex waking up relaxed and chill, just to find out that Willie's all day very chill relaxed non challant personality, doesn't exist in the morning.

Alex is making coffee for them both and Willie sits down. First of all, he looks sick, eye bags, his face has marks from the scrambled duvet, his hair is frizzy and matted up, and he has the facial expression of someone that saw a dead cat in the road.

And then Willie looks at him, no good morning, only "why did you let me sleep with my hair loose? Look at this mess."

Alex :well you fell asleep when we were watching tv i didnt wanted to disturb you.

Willie: So why YOU didn't fixed it for me?

Alex has no answer to that.

Willie express the nexts thoughts, his coffee is making him nauseous, his eggs smell horrid, his juice maker is too loud and "No, Alex, I didn't brushed my teeth yet, what are you? A dental cop?"

Alex is just amused and staring while Willie is running his hands through his hair and staring an empty plate.

Luke, Reggie and Julie come in bc they have some band stuff and Luke looks Willie up "Jesus...alex how are you attracted to this?"

And Reggie "wow we really fell into the trap that willie was a hot godsend. Shame."

And like THEY NEVER saw Willie in the morning so they don't think Willie will be upset by their clownery.

and alex wants to stop it but he also wants to see what willie will do about it

Willie tell them to get out his face, as he is ignored and the boys start to look for breakfast.

Willie: didn't you heard me? I told you that get out.

Luke: chill man we just mess-

Willie: OUT! Now!

Reggie: dude that breath is foul, you kiss alex with that mouth?

Willie, gets up and slam the table: If you don't get out of my house right now, i will kill the both of you with this butter knife and throw both your bodies in that dumpster outside!!!

Luke and Reggie: okay... Alex, we will get donuts and meet you there.

Willie looks at Julie who is puttint herself eggs. "Do you have anything to add too?" "... I love your shirt." And points to the shirt that is definitely stained with dental cream and drool. "Thanks, its Alex's." He says unamused and sits down.

Alex is staring and Willie catches him. "thanks for defending me, by the way." And alex "I want to marry you." "Then you should've gotten ME some donuts."

but alex is just always happy to have a demon boyfriend in the morning.

But he learns too, for example, Willie hates coffee and juice is not an everyday choice, willie WANTS pancakes and bacon and donuts but pancakes, bacon and eggs or anything that has too much carbs make him feel heavy and stuffed, and fruit just and juice are too acid for the morning.

ideal breakfast for willie in the morning that won't get him to complain? Tea and oatmeal with smashed banana and honey. Or guacamole if they have it.

Willie never gets better in the morning, Alex learned that he doesn't care how "healthy" it is, Willie doesn't brush his teeth in the morning. If he forgets to braid his hair before sleeping (which he does. A lot. Sleeps watching TV or drawing a lot.) Alex will either braid for him, or in the morning, Alex will get Willie through breakfast and sit him on the bathroom with a comb and some water, and gently get the knots out. Which usually gives Willie tingles and quiet time so he's more chipper after it. One time willie kissed him after it and said "sorry I am being a dick to you after I wake up." And Alex "please never stop being a dick to me in the morning."

And like when people finally learn to not talk to Willie in the morning, they think Alex mastered how to deal with him but.some mornings willie come in and Alex "i made your breakfast" and willie will go "i dont want it." And start preparing toast and bacon. And alex will look at him like "you know u dont like eating those at this hour, right?" And willie "i WANT to eat it, you can't tell me what to do!" And whoever is there thinks "wow alex is being a super sweet boyfriend and willie is being really moody" and when willie gets his breakfast ready he sits, stares and looks down.

Alex: you don't want it.

Willie: shut up.

Alex: well these look really good, so what about you gimme these, and you can have my yogurt with cereals. It has those dried minced fruit.

Willie: ... Is it creamy?

Alex: no.

Willie: ...fine.

Willi plops into Alex's lap and reach his made breakfast to Alex. And eats "alex's breakfast"

It basically means alex has double breakfast sometimes.

[sweetestofchaos]

BNAA | Stay Close - M.YG x K.SJ

🔪Pairing: Alpha Gang Boss!Yoongi x Omega Maid!Seokjin

🔪 Rating: 18+

🔪 Genre: gang au, dead dove, parent au, a/b/o, angst, fluff, smut, mxm, mpreg

🔪 Warnings: time skip, mentions of blood, torture (described), physical violence, semi-public sex, handjob, light bondage, sensory play (blindfolding), body worship, crying, breeding kink, unprotected sex, knotting, fingering, spiting, slick/cum eating, anal sex, oral, nipple play, dacryphilia, brief depictions of childbirth, seokjin has a lot of emotions, a/b/o dynamics, scenting, pet names/terms of endearment, strong language.

🔪 Word Count: 12k

Four years later and Yoongi is still in love with his mate, Seokjin. Their pup, Miyoung is thriving and now the family of three is ready to grow by one more.

a/n:  this story is completely fiction. it was written for the daddy’s home fest hosted by @btsfests. if i missed any warnings, please let me know. if you would like to scream in my ask box, feel free it is open. for the sake of time, i did not have this fic betaed, if you see any major mistakes, please let me know. it has been a long time since i finished any kind of fic...so i am very proud of myself. i love this story and i truly hope you enjoyed it as well. thank you so much for reading and your support!

fest masterlist 🔪 ao3 🔪series masterlist

🔪chapter one 🔪chapter two

Four Years Later

“Find him!”

Everyone in the room looks at the man standing in front of them pacing back and forth. Min Yoongi, the boss of the underground, is pissed. His usually neat hair is disheveled, messy from running his hands through it repeatedly. His smokey thyme scent is burnt. Someone has stolen something very important from him and they will pay with their life. Four sets of eyes watch as Yoongi slowly starts to lose his composure little by little. His chest is heaving, his eyes are scarlet red, wide and wild like an animal. He is going to kill whoever stole from him with his own two hands.

Hoseok, an alpha and Yoongi’s second in command, sits in a large chair. Out of the crew, Hoseok has the least amount of injuries. He was hit in the back of the head with a vase from behind. So, there is a nice sized egg hidden by his dark hair. His heart shaped mouth is turned down into a small frown as he recalls the mess he ran into. He went down for a few moments from the attack, unaware of the aftermath that it would cause.

Namjoon, a beta as well as the hacker of the group and Taehyung, the other beta and sniper, sit on the love seat that is in the middle of the room. Taehyung is nursing his bruised jaw with an ice pack while Namjoon picks at the blood that has clotted on his knuckles. His hand hurts like a bitch and he is sure that his hand is broken from how discolored it has become.

“I want every fucking person on the streets, ears to the ground. You hear me? Find him!”

Yoongi’s eyes are merciless as he scans over the room of his subordinates, ghosting right over the five men closest to him. Useless, the whole lot of them! All these bodies and yet one of the people he swore to protect was taken in the blink of an eye.

“Yes, sir!” Come the shouts of the others in the room and Yoongi glares at everyone just standing around.

“Get the fuck out!” He snaps, his patience hanging on a very thin thread and the men in the room all scramble over themselves to clear the room. 

As the door slams shut loudly, Yoongi is left alone with his five most trusted friends and the in-house doctor, Jackson, a beta. The youngest, Jungkook, an alpha, pushes himself off the wall. His face is boyish with large doe-like eyes but the hardened muscles on his body and the full sleeve of tattoos displayed for all to see on his left arm tells another story. There is a cut above his right eyebrow and his bottom lip is split as well. Like Namjoon, Jungkook’s knuckles are bloody and bruised.

“So, what are we doing boss?” Jungkook asks as he walks over and parks himself on the arm of the couch, right next to Jimin, the only other omega beside Seokjin, who is being looked over by doctor Jackson. Out of everyone, Jimin got hurt the worst since he was inside the nesting room where everything fell apart.

Jimin is passed out cold thanks to the drugs that are pumping through his blood stream. Jackson is currently stitching a rather large gash on Jimin’s chest which makes Taehyung frown. Jimin and him have been through thick and thin together. They are soulmates, blessed by Luna to always find each other. He was supposed to keep him safe and he failed. The younger’s golden skin has lost its glow, now pale and bruised. His face is untouched much to Taehyung’s disbelief but the gash across his chest is cause for concern.  

Yoongi clicks his tongue as he looks around at his friends; his pack. Namjoon’s indigo hair looks darker thanks to the dried blood from someone else. Taehyung’s bangs hang in his eyes as he sits up with a wince. Namjoon raises an eyebrow and Taehyung waves him off, his freshly dyed blond locks curling from the blood that ran from his temple. The room is filled with bitter, sour scents. No one is happy with the night’s outcome.

Yoongi’s alpha is at the surface ready to draw blood. His pup’s screams still ring in his ears and he grinds his teeth as he jaw clenches. He wants to go to her right now, his inner wolf is howling to comfort Miyoung but Yoongi needs to handle business first.

“I didn’t get a good look at the fuckers, but we got one of ‘em.” Taehyung states and hisses as he starts to grin. His lower lip is split, his temple has two stitches and four of his ribs are bruised, nothing he can’t handle.

Yoongi’s ears perk up at the mention of a survivor and something wicked comes to life in everyone’s eyes as Yoongi’s lips twitch. He runs a hand through his hair and looks at Jackson, who is still working on Jimin.

“Wang?” Yoongi rolls his tongue in his mouth as Jackson looks over his shoulder. “We good here?” 

“Joon needs to stay-”

“Bullshit! Doc, I’m-”

“Not doing shit with a broken hand!” Jackson glares, his eyes flashing a striking gold and Namjoon grumbles knowing that Yoongi will not go against the doctor’s words.

Nodding his head, Yoongi jerks his head towards the door and one by one the others all stand. Taehyung and Jungkook pat Namjoon on his shoulders, scenting him quietly with their wrists as they walk by and Yoongi rolls his shoulders.

“Joon, hop on the trail. I want these fucking bastards found in the next three hours.”

“Already on it, Min.” Namjoon waves his phone in his unbroken hand and Yoongi nods before he steps out of the room.

Out in the hallway, Yoongi cracks his knuckles and shoves his hands in the pockets of his black trousers. He looks at his pack, they all look fucked but at least they are alive. 

“Kook, you good to deal with ‘em?” 

“I won’t kill him…much.” 

Jungkook’s eyes glow red and Yoongi nods his head before he looks at Hoseok, “Keep tabs on the men. Let me know if they find anything.”

“Should I let BamBam know what’s up?” 

Yoongi sucks his teeth. He really doesn’t want to involve the Got7 pack. Jackson’s mate, Jinyoung is the pack alpha and they are useful. Bambam is an omega with his hands in a little of everything; he is a good ally to have. Yoongi gives a stiff nod of his head and Hoseok is walking off down the hall to the main office. Now it’s just Jungkook, Taehyung and Yoongi. Yoongi and Jungkook follow Taehyung to where the only living survivor of the attack is being kept, the library. Yoongi makes a mental note to scold Taehyung for not bringing the guy into the basement.

Taehyung opens the door to the library and Yoongi sees a younger man tied to a chair, he is passed out and bleeding from his broken nose. Yoongi closes the door and takes a seat in the large leather reading chair that is a few feet away from the unconscious man. He notices the blood that drips from the man’s fingertips and splashes onto the fancy rug. Damn. Yoongi thinks to himself. Seokjin is going to chew his ass out if he finds out they got blood on the rug. He wonders if Seokjin would notice a replacement or not.

Jungkook and Taehyung share a look before Jungkook walks over to the man with all the bone chilling confidence of an apex predator. He is a shark, waiting for his chance to strike in bloody water. Taehyung pulls a hair tie from around his wrist, the very one that he keeps in case Jimin wants to tie his hair up and hands it to Jungkook. Quickly, Jungkook takes the hair tie, holds it in his mouth and gathers his hair into one hand. Grabbing the hair tie from between his teeth, Jungkook easily pulls his hair into a messy bun and cracks his neck. Taehyung walks over to Yoongi’s chair and stands behind it, leaning against it with his arms crossed in front of him over the back.

“Get on with it.” Yoongi orders, his voice a low rumble that fuels the sick and twisted pleasure in Jungkook’s heart.

Reaching into his pocket, Jungkook’s fingers wrap around the cool metal of his favorite switchblade. He pulls it out of his pocket and flicks it open, twirling it around on his fingertips for a few seconds as he looks the man over in thought. What is the best way to wake the man? He could stab the man in the chest, he knows enough body anatomy to not kill the poor guy right away. Or maybe he should cut off a finger? No. No, he needs his tools from the basement for that. Pouting, Jungkook stares at the man’s thighs and nods to himself. 

Clasping the knife in a fist, Jungkook squats in front of the man’s spread legs and plunges the sharp blade into the man’s upper thigh. The man jolts awake with an ear splitting howl. Jungkook giggles, his red eyes gleaming in joy as the man stares wide eyed at the knife sticking out of his thigh.

“Wakey, wakey asshole! Boss has some questions for ya!” Jungkook sing songs and Taehyung fights off a smile at the display of collected insanity. He always knew that Jungkook was unhinged and that is why he makes the best bodyguard for Yoongi out of all of them. The man is a blubbering mess as the pain burns deep in his veins and Jungkook cackles. The high grade silver will do that to a wolf. He rises to his full height and flicks the hilt of his knife making the man cry out.

Yoongi clears his throat and Jungkook takes two large steps to the side, giving him a clear view of the man that should know where his mate is.

“If you don’t want to die, I highly suggest you answer my questions, ‘kay? JK over there falls into blood lust easily.” Yoongi warns with a blank face as the man before him trembles. Yoongi leans forward slightly in his seat, elbows pressed into the top of his knees as he steeples his hands, resting his chin on top. “I asked a question, kid.”

The young wolf nods his head quickly and Yoongi can see the way his body sags. The guy won’t last long. He must be new. Yoongi thinks to himself as he smirks. Easy, prey. Licking his lips, Yoongi sighs and leans back against his chair, snapping his fingers. Taehyung steps from behind the large chair and goes over to the mini bar that is tucked in the corner. He fixes Yoongi a whiskey neat silently, the sound of glass clinking every once in a while. Yoongi doesn’t take his eyes off the man who is silently crying and he is honestly a little disappointed. He knows that Jungkook won’t have that much fun with the guy.

Taehyung returns to Yoongi’s side with the glass of amber liquid and Yoongi takes it without a word. Thanking Taehyung with a small nod before he raises the glass to his lips and takes a sip. The smooth bittersweet liquid warms his throat on the way down.

“What’s your name, kid?” 

The man glances at Jungkook who is standing stark still, his arms crossed over his chest, his muscles flexed and bulging. His eyes flicker back to Yoongi and he stumbles over his own name. Yoongi has to stop himself from rolling his eyes.

“You know, you’re the only one alive right? All your little friends refused to talk…JK had a lot of fun with them.” Yoongi is lying through his teeth of course. The other attackers were slaughtered on the spot. “Now, if you want to make it out of here alive-” Yoongi takes another sip of his drink and narrows his eyes slightly, “tell me who you work for and where they took my mate, Kim Seokjin.”

Stars in the sky kiss the horizon, sparkling in the night, tiny shiny jewels pinned high. Seokjin stares out the tiny window of the room he is being kept in. The grime on the window distorts the view, turning the outside world into something from a twisted fairytale. A regretful smile pulls Seokjin’s lips into a frown and his eyes start to burn as he thinks about Miyoung’s favorite story.

A sob crawls up Seokjin’s throat and he covers his mouth with a hand to muffle the sound. He wonders if Yoongi is out looking for him or if his alpha is holding their pup close, whispering comforting words into her ears as he plays with her hair. Seokjin prays that Miyoung is okay, he wishes on all the stars above that she hasn’t realized that her daddy is missing.

A gust of air blows past, making Seokjin’s body shiver as he pulls his limbs in as close as possible. A feat truly impossible with his six month swollen belly in the way. He buries his face in his hands and cries as silently as he can. He misses his pup. He misses his alpha. He misses his warm bed and clean clothes. Seokjin hates this. He hates that everyone tries to hurt Yoongi in some way or form. Seokjin was foolish to think that no one would take advantage of Yoongi’s love for him. He doesn’t even want to think about the shirt storm that’s about to hit once Yoongi finds him. It’s not even a matter of if but when. Seokjin trusts his alpha and his pack. They will come for him and Yoongi will rip out the throats of every person who dared to lay a hand on his pregnant mate. 

Seokjin isn’t sure when he fell asleep but he is woken up by the sound of shouting and guns. Someone screams in the distance and there is a thud against the door of his locked room. Seokjin knows better than to shout for help. Not all break ins are rescues. He would be a fool to give his location away, in fear that he can end up in worse hands. 

“Open the fucking door, now!”

Seokjin knows that voice and his inner wolf is howling.

“Y-Yoongi!” Seokjin cries, tears streaming down his snotty face as he forces himself to sit up. 

The door to the door splits open, wooden splitters going everywhere in a cloud of fine dust. As everything settles, Yoongi stands in the doorway, his body a perfect silhouette outlined in the light from the hallway. His eyes are ruby red, his fangs hang over his lower lip and his hair is wild, falling into his face. Seokjin’s eyes burn blue, a beautiful contrast to the alpha he is reaching out for. In the blink of an eye, Yoongi is in front of Seokjin on his knees, cupping the omega’s face and latching on the swollen scent gland on the side of his neck.

Yoongi pulls the spiced peach scent into his lungs and drowns in it. Smoked thyme is heavy in the air and Seokjin whines as he fists the damp material of Yoongi’s black shirt. He can smell the blood that sours Yoongi’s scent but he doesn’t care.

“A-Alpha!” Seokjin whimpers, pressing into Yoongi’s chest, trying to hide himself and his pup away from the cruel world. 

“Shhhh, no more tears nae sarang.” Yoongi whispers as he preppers kiss after kiss to Seokjin’s skin. “Alpha is here. Alpha will protect you.”

“Y-Yoongi?”

Yoongi’s blood freezes in his veins at the sound of the voice. His arm is stiff, pin straight with his fingers wrapped tightly around the butt of a 1911 pistol. His back faces the door along with the man that is tied in the chair before him. The room is a little too warm with the fireplace going, sweat collects at Yoongi’s temples and gets lost in his sideburns. Yoongi doesn’t take his eyes off the man that sits with a gage shoved in his mouth as blood dribbles from his broken nose and cut up face. He refuses to turn around and face the omega that stands in the doorway. Not in his current state, covered in someone else's blood and smelling like death. Ready to get even more blood on his hands as he takes the life of the man before him. He cannot face the omega that takes up the space in his heart.

“Go back to bed yeobo.”

Yoongi’s voice is clipped and icy as he turns his lover away. It makes his lover frown as he’s reminded of their past when they first meant. Yoongi hears the shuffling of slippers on the hardwood floor before the click of the door closing echoes in the room. The man in front of Yoongi whimpers and begs, fat tears roll down his face as he shakes his head back and forth.

“Miyoung is-”

Yoongi jumps at the sound of the voice, not expecting his lover to still be here. The scent of blood is so strong in his nose, that he can’t even smell his mate. His jaw clenches as he tries not to spin around and shout.

“Omega,” Yoongi warns one final time.

“Don’t omega me, Yoongi-ah!”

Yoongi’s shoulders pull upward towards his ears. Footsteps come closer and he is quick to bend his arm and tuck the pistol into the waistband of his pants. Yoongi spins on his heels, ready to shout but the look on the other man’s face makes him pause and his shoulders slump. Standing a few feet away, his husband, his mate, Seokjin cradles his round and swollen stomach, heavily pregnant with their second pup.  

The light blue fabric of the sleep shirt he wears makes his tanned skin glow and Yoongi’s mouth water. The shirt stops at the back of Seokjin’s knees but with his stomach in the way, the shirt raises in the front, only covering his mid upper thighs. There is a large bow tied loosely at Seokjin’s throat, covering his mating mark and Yoongi wonders for a second if it comes undone will the shirt slip off Seokjin’s body? Yoongi vaguely recalls Seokjin shopping online for cute and sexy maternity sleepwear to help himself feel better about his body. Seokjin’s face is twisted up in displeasure, his full lips pulled down into a frown and the tip of his ears are flushed as he glares at Yoongi.

“You promised! You said no more killing inside the house!”

Yoongi swallows the moisture in his mouth and takes a step forward, “Nae sarang-”

Seokjin shakes his head, his dark chocolate hair flies about his face, it’s longer now, hanging past Seokjin’s ears and barely touching his jaw. It is the longest that Yoongi can remember ever seeing it. Seokjin doesn’t want to hear Yoongi’s excuses and he will not allow him to try and make any.

“Out!” Seokjin snaps and Yoongi’s body deflates a little. Seokjin rubs his tummy, his eyes starting to burn blue with unshed tears as the next words leave his mouth. “Both you and your fucking pack, get out!” 

Saying what he has to say, Seokjin turns and rushes out of the room, not giving Yoongi a chance to fight him in fear he will change his mind with sweet words and sweeter touches. Yoongi stares at the door as it closes and as the click echoes in the room, his heart shatters and his wolf howls. 

Yoongi sits alone in the kitchen of one of his safe houses. Seokjin kicked him out a little over a month ago and he is missing his family. He misses little hands squishing his face and tiny lips whispering in his ear to wake him up. He misses the feeling of quick kicks hitting against his side as he cuddles with Seokjin in one of many nests. He misses the warmth of little arms wrapping tightly around his neck and words of love showered down on him. Yoongi really, truly misses his family.

On the counter, his phone rings, the screen lighting up with Seokjin and Miyoung’s smiling faces. Yoongi’s heart beats quickly in his chest, is this the call he has been waiting for? Can he go home? Grabbing the phone, Yoongi takes a deep breath and answers.

“Yeobo,” Yoongi breathes out and he can hear laughter in the speaker.

“Hi, Yoongi.” Seokjin’s voice is music to Yoongi’s ears. A song that makes his whole body flout and drown in endless love.

“Appa!” The voice of his daughter, Miyoung, makes Yoongi smile.

“Would you like to join us for a picnic at the river?” Seokjin offers and Miyoung is in the background singing happily.

Yoongi chews on his bottom lip. Of course he wants to join his family but is it what Seokjin wants? Should Yoongi turn him down?

“I don’t want to make you upset, wangjanim.”

“Miyoung asked for you.”

Yoongi’s heart is at war with itself. He is thrilled that his daughter is asking for him but it hurts knowing that Seokjin wasn’t calling because he missed Yoongi.

Seokjin sighs and speaks into the phone softly, “Don’t make this about us, Yoongikkeo. Our pups miss you and that’s all that matters.”

The pups miss him? Yoongi smiles to himself, “What time?” he questions and Seokjin rattles off the time and location that they will meet. “See you shortly.” Yoongi hangs up and curses. It has been a month of living on his own. Sure, he has seen Miyoung since he left the house. Seokjin isn’t cruel enough to keep her away but it isn’t enough for Yoongi. He wants to go home. He misses the warmth of his mate’s nest and body.

Namjoon and Jungkook keep tabs on Seokjin and give Yoongi daily updates. They let him know that his family is safe at all times. Not being at home puts Yoongi on edge, so he makes sure that two of his men are keeping guard at all times. He isn’t going to put Seokjin’s life nor his daughter’s life at risk just because he fucked up. Scrolling on his phone, Yoongi shoots Jimin a quick text, asking him to stop by Seokjin’s favorite bakery to pick up an assortment of treats along with a strawberry boba tea for Miyoung. 

Once off the phone, Yoongi hurries to his room and changes out of his loungewear into something more suited for the park. Yoongi pulls on a pair of light blue wide leg jeans, a white button up and throws a soft, pale yellow cardigan over top. Looking in the mirror he styles his hair to show off his forehead by parting it in the middle and letting his bangs frame his face. It’s a look that Seokjin loves and has told him so many times.

He replaces his contacts with glasses and brushes his teeth quickly for that extra kick of freshness. Spraying Acqua di Gio cologne on the inside of his elbow and running them down the length of his torso, Yoongi is ready to head to the park. He grabs a pair of light tan slip-on shoes on his way out the door and double checks he has his phone, wallet and gun.

On his way to the park, Yoongi meets with Jimin four blocks away and takes the baked goods from his friend. Jimin teases Yoongi for looking like such a dilf and Yoongi flips him off, his neck flushed in embarrassment. He knows he looks good and he hopes that Seokjin thinks so too. Finding a parking spot at the park isn’t too hard. Yoongi spots Seokjin’s car and parks beside him, smiling to himself when he sees Miyoung’s car seat in the back. Stepping out of the car, Yoongi grabs the box of treats and Miyoung’s drink before he scans the area for his pack. He spots Namjoon in the distance setting up a bunch of blankets and pillows while Seokjin sits in a foldable chair.

Jungkook is on the playground chasing Miyoung around while making what sounds like a dying cat (or maybe dinosaur?) noise. From this distance, Yoongi can’t help but grin. It seems that the three of them are dressed in matching colors. Seokjin has on a yellow and tan ombre sweater with light yellow pants and tan slide-ons. Miyoung is dressed in blue flared jeans with a cute chain belt and a pale yellow shirt with tan and white sneakers. Shaking his head, Yoongi walks into the park and the smile on his face turns gummy when Miyoung screams for him.

“APPA!!!”

She rushes at him as fast as her little legs can go and Yoongi braces himself for impact. Thankfully, Jungkook is there to grab the box of treats and drink so that Yoongi can squat down and catch his pup in his arms. 

“Appa, I’ve missed you!” Miyoung whines and starts to giggle when Yoongi stands up and swings her around in the air.

“My little angel, Appa has missed you so much! Look how big you’ve gotten.” Yoongi sets his daughter on his hip and kisses her cheek a million times, rubbing their noses and cheek together to scent his pup. He can feel a pair of eyes on him and when he looks in Seokjin’s direction, sure enough his husband is staring at him with the softest of smiles on his face. Yoongi doesn’t miss the darkness in Seokjin’s eyes and licks his lips as his gut starts to roll. Now is not the time to think about taking his husband against the nearest tree, though the idea is hard to shake off.

“Have you had fun with Daddy?”

Miyoung nods her head and pouts, “Can you come home now? I miss playing with you and Daddy doesn’t make good voices when he reads.”

Yoongi chuckles and hugs Miyoung a little tighter in his arms as he heads over to the picnic blanket where Seokjin, Namjoon and Jungkook are now waiting. As he gets closer, Yoongi notices that Seokjin’s stomach has gotten bigger and he frowns. A month away felt like a long time but looking at Seokjin, Yoongi feels like he had not seen Seokjin in over a year.

“How are you feeling, yeobo?” Yoongi finds himself moving on auto pilot, leaning in close to touch Seokjin’s belly and press his lips to Seokjin’s. Seokjin turns his head and Yoongi’s lips graze the soft skin of his cheek. The scent of Yoongi’s cologne, bergamot, tangerine and patchouli tickles Seokjin’s nose. But it is the smoky thyme that makes Seokjin clear his throat as he grabs Yoongi’s wrist and slides it a little more to the right where the baby is kicking.

“We’re fine. The pup is fine and I have a little more energy this month. The next appointment we can find out the gender.”

“Can I come?” Yoongi’s voice is tentative, shaky in a way that Namjoon and Jungkook have only heard when Yoongi is speaking with Seokjin, vulnerable.

Seokjin nods his head with a sigh and motions for Yoongi to put Miyoung down. “You’re still her father, Yoongi. Stop acting like the world is ending.”

Yoongi carefully puts Miyoung on the ground and offers his hand to Seokjin to help him sit on the pillows stacked around on the ground from Namjoon’s half-assed nest.

“You are my world,” Yoongi admits and Seokjin rolls his eyes as he places his hand into Yoongi's palm. 

“Could have fooled me.”

Yoongi ignores Seokjin’s harsh words and watches as Namjoon holds one of the pillows in place for Seokjin to sit on. Once Seokjin is seated, Yoongi sits down and Miyoung crawls into his lap with her bobo tea clutched in her hands. Yoongi kisses the top of his daughter’s head and wraps an arm around her little body.

“Are you hungry my angel?” 

Yoongi enjoys the time spent with his family, not even minding that Jungkook and Namjoon are with them. The two men are just as much his family as Seokjin and his daughter. Seokjin rises to his feet, holding the underside of his stomach with a small grimace. 

“What’s wrong, yeobo?” Yoongi jumps to his feet and Seokjin waves him off.

“I’m fine. The pup is sitting on my bladder weird.”

Yoongi turns to his packmates, “Keep an eye on Miyoung, we’ll be back.” 

He wraps an arm around Seokjin’s waist and supports his stomach with his other hand; Seokjin doesn’t protest. 

“Bag,” Seokjin manages to grunt out as the baby kicks him rather hard. Jungkook holds up the carrier that Seokjin totes around filled with necessities that Miyoung often needs like hand wipes, bottles of water, band-aids, pain medicine and snacks. Yoongi quickly takes the bag and hikes it onto his shoulder. Together, the two of them head to the public bathroom, the bag bouncing against Yoongi’s back a little as they walk.

“You didn’t have to come with me, Yoongi.”

“Stop pushing me away, please?” Yoongi pleads as they reach the bathrooms. “Let me take care of you.”

Seokjin sighs and Yoongi pulls away, pushing open the door to the family restroom. Once Seokjin is inside, Yoongi locks the door and slides the bag down his arm. He digs inside, pulling out the hand wipes and motions for Seokjin to give him a minute to clean the stall. Yoongi wipes down everything that he thinks Seokjin will touch and hands his husband a roll of toilet paper that was tucked away in another pocket of the bag. Seokjin steps into the stall and shuts the door, grunting as he tugs down his pants and underwear. Standing with his bare ass out, Seokjin inhales sharply as the baby kicks him again. 

“You okay?!” Yoongi reaches for the stall and stops himself at the last second.

“I’m fine!” Seokjin snaps, his scent bitter as he sighs deeply. “Can you get out? I don’t need you listening to me take a piss.”

“No.”

“Yoongi-”

“Just pee already, Seokjin.”

Seokjin? Hearing his name fall from Yoongi’s lips stings but Seokjin bites his tongue. He is the one that kicked Yoongi out of their den. He is the one that won’t let his alpha come back…

A sob breaks the silence followed by the sound of Seokjin relieving himself and the scent of rotten peaches proliferates the air; Yoongi rubs the back of his neck. He looks up at the ceiling and frowns. He wants to kick down the bathroom stall and hold Seokjin in his arms but he knows better.

“I didn’t mean it, nae sarang.”

Yoongi runs a hand through his hair, ever since they started their relationship, Seokjin hated being called by his name. He was Yoongi’s darling, his love, his omega…his everything.

The toilet flushes and Yoongi takes a step towards the bathroom stall, waiting for Seokjin to unlock it. Inside, Seokjin weeps, tears dripping down his face as he struggles to pull his pants back up. It is a stupid reason to cry but hearing Yoongi use his first name hurts deeper than any pain Seokjin can recall feeling. 

Yoongi sighs loudly and thumps his forehead against the stall as he tries to speak. “Yeobo…I-I-”

What can he say? How can he fix his mistake? All of them.

“I love you, yeobo. You hear me? I fucking love you, Kim Seokjin.”

Seokjin manages to tug his pants up and turns around, staring at the stall door.

“You love me?” Seokjin’s question is a knife to Yoongi’s heart but he nods his head nonetheless.

“I would do anything to prove it to you, nae sarang.”

“Anything?” 

The lock clicks out of place and Yoongi nearly falls as Seokjin opens the stall door. They stare at each other in silence, Seokjin’s eyes are red and puffy from crying while Yoongi’s are tinted pink from holding his tears back. He takes a step forward, standing toe to toe with Seokjin, looking up slightly at the older man.

“Anything.” Yoongi repeats, his voice firm as he stares Seokjin right in his eyes.

Yoongi’s hands rest on Seokjin's tummy, the warmth seeping through the material of his sweater and Seokjin places his hands over top of Yoongi’s. The pup kicks a few times and Yoongi smiles. He has missed this, missed everything about his mate.

“I miss you, ‘mega.”

Seokjin allows Yoongi to slip his hands underneath his sweater; the skin of his stomach is tight and smooth. The pads of Yoongi’s fingertips scratch against Seokjin’s skin, making goosebump rise and Seokjin shiver.

“Do you miss me?” 

His hands trail farther up Seokjin’s sweater, the material loose enough for Yoongi to freely move around. The bottom of Seokjin’s tummy peeks out and he gasps when Yoongi’s thumbs graze the underside of his pecs before they brush over his sensitive nipples. They pebble up, hard and stiff, making Yoongi lick his lips and smirk.

“Always so sensitive around this time…” Yoongi whispers and Seokjin gulps, his Adam's apple bobbing harshly as he inhales shallow breaths of air. Smoky thyme becomes heady and threatens to suffocate Seokjin.

“Do you miss me, yeobo? Miss my touch?” Yoongi pinches one of Seokjin’s nipples teasingly and Seokjin whines, the ache shooting right to his groin and making him chub up as slick starts to wet his underwear.

Leaning in, Yoongi ghosts his lips along the column of Seokjin’s throat. He licks a wet strip with the tip of his tongue at Seokjin’s scent gland, tasting salty flesh and cinnamon peaches before he kisses just below Seokjin’s jaw.

“Say it.” Yoongi orders softly, his breath washing over the wet strip of skin on Seokjin’s neck. “Say you miss me and I’ll do anything.”

Seokjin struggles to find his words, the scent of Yoongi mixed with his touch and words is fogging up his mind. How can Seokjin respond when his mind is nothing more than a warm syrupy puddle?

Yoongi pulls away, his eyes a deep red and merciless as he stares up at his mate from under his lashes. 

“No?” Yoongi teases Seokjin’s nipples as he speaks softly, his thumbs tracing small circles on the pebbled flesh. He sucks his bottom lip into his mouth and nods his head, humming to himself. “As you wish, omega.” Yoongi slowly pulls his hands from under Seokjin’s sweater, making sure to touch every inch of skin as he goes.

Seokjin’s hands grasp Yoongi’s wrists and Yoongi raises one eyebrow, his face lighting up as one side of his lips quirks upward in an amused smirk. Seokjin’s face is flushed, his chest is heaving up and down and his pupils are dilated, making his eyes look almost black with a thin blue ring. Yoongi knows what that look means. Ignoring Seokjin’s hands on him, Yoongi reaches up and cups Seokjin’s cheeks gently. 

Not taking his eyes off his husband, Yoongi pulls him down slightly and tilts his face upward as he leans in again. Their lips touch and Seokjin’s eyes flutter shut as his fingers dig into Yoongi’s wrists. Yoongi allows for Seokjin to control the kiss at first, giving his husband the out he might need if he really doesn’t want Yoongi. Seokjin deepens the kiss, pressing his body as close to Yoongi’s as it can be with his stomach in the way. He is needy, hungry for Yoongi’s touch as he licks at the smaller man’s mouth and nibbles at his lip. 

Yoongi gives into Seokjin’s silent begging and lets his mate explore his mouth, taste every bit of himself. Seokjin moans into the kiss as Yoongi slips one of his legs in between Seokjin's and presses up against his fully erect cocklet. It isn’t enough. Seokjin wants more and he starts to rut against Yoongi’s thigh.

“Easy, lovely,” Yoongi whispers into the kiss as he places his hands on Seokjin’s hips. He pulls his mate into his body and presses him against the stall, resting his forehead on Seokjin's shoulder. 

“Let me take care of you.” Yoongi shoves his hand into Seokjin’s pants and relishes in the sounds pouring from Seokjin’s mouth as he wraps his fingers around the little cocklet that is squished against his thigh. 

“Feel good, yeobo?” Yoongi questions as he smears Seokjin’s precum and slick along the tip of his leaking head. Seokjin throws his head back and gasps as Yoongi’s finger presses into the slit before spreading more of his precum. “Tell me ‘mega-”

Yoongi’s head snaps over to the door when he hears footsteps coming and he slaps a hand over Seokjin’s mouth to muffle his moans. A knock at the door makes Yoongi smirk while Seokjin’s eyes widen.

“Just a moment!” Yoongi calls as he quickens his strokes on Seokjin’s throbbing member. He smiles wickedly at Seokjin and licks at the taller man’s neck whispering hotly in his ear. “Better come quickly. Unless you want everyone to know what a needy little breeding bitch you are.”

Seokjin groans against Yoongi’s hand and his eyes fill with fresh tears. He grabs at Yoongi’s shirt and before Yoongi can say anything, a warm wetness coats his hand. Yoongi’s eyes soften as tears spill down Seokjin’s face, wetting his other hand.

��Oh, yeobo. You really missed me, huh?” 

Carefully, Yoongi pulls his hand from Seokjin’s pants and steps away from his husband. He grabs the toilet paper and helps clean Seokjin up before he flushes the evidence down the toilet and washes his hands. He helps Seokjin change into a fresh pair of panties and tugs up his pants, tossing the soiled underwear into a baggy and shoving it at the bottom of the bag.

“I still can’t believe you carry around extra underwear,” Yoongi chuckles and Seokjin’s face flushes.

“S-Shut up!” Seokjin stammers and Yoongi kisses his cheek. They have learned from Seokjin’s first pregnancy that it doesn’t take much for Seokjin to get horny, and they are safer packing a few changes of underwear in case Seokjin gets a little too excited and leaks. Seokjin washes his own hands and splashes his face with cool water before he cuddles into Yoongi’s side feeling tired. Yoongi sprays a small amount of scent neutralizer in the air to mask their scents for anyone who comes in after them. Seokjin’s stomach growls and Yoongi kisses his cheek.

“Come on, yeobo. I think our little one is getting hungry.” 

“One day, a little blue fish followed after him. “Rainbow Fish,” he called, “wait for me! Please give me one of your shiny scales. They are so wonderful, and-”

“She is sleeping, naekkeo.” Seokjin’s voice is the softest of whispers as he stands in the doorway of their daughter’s room.

“You know she plays pos- ”

Yoongi is cut off by the sound of a soft snore and he looks over the top of the book in his hand. Miyoung is sound asleep, curled up around one of her bear stuffies that Taehyung got her on her fifth birthday. Yoongi smiles and places the bookmark on the page he is reading before he closes ‘The Rainbow Fish’ and slowly gets up from the seat beside the bed. Setting the book back on the bookshelf, Yoongi walks over to the doorway and takes in the sight of his mate. Seokjin is fresh out of the shower, his hair looks darker since it is still damp and brushed out of his face. He wears a black paisley matching two piece short set that shows off his legs, making Yoongi’s mouth water and dry at the same time.

“Should we head to bed, yeobo?” Yoongi questions as he reaches out and tucks a strand of hair behind Seokjin’s ear. “I’ll give you a massage if you want.” Yoongi wraps his arms around Seokjin’s waist, his hands resting low on Seokjin’s hips, fingers touching the top of his butt. “Rub the sweet almond and grapeseed oil into your skin? Massage your feet and worship your body the way it should be?” 

Yoongi takes small steps forward as he speaks and Seokjin steps backwards until they are out of the room. Reaching behind himself, Yoongi pulls Miyoung’s bedroom door shut and taps Seokjin’s hip twice with gentle eyes. Seokjin hums in agreement, a massage sounds like a lovely way to end the night. Nodding his head, Seokjin jumps up and Yoongi easily supports his pregnant mate as his long legs wrap around his waist. Yoongi smiles as the baby kicks away and Seokjin giggles.

“Will you let me do that, yeobo? Let me care for you? Worship you?”

Yoongi presses Seokjin against the wall, trapping him mid air unable to collect his thoughts. Yoongi sprinkles kisses to Seokjin’s neck, shoulders, collarbone and hollow of his throat. His thumb rubs soothing circles on Seokjin’s sides, the warmth a welcoming and promising feeling. 

“Would you like that, omega?”

Seokjin’s eyes are half closed, his lids too heavy to keep open as Yoongi whispers everything he wants to do against his skin. He is a weak man. One that feels wanted and loved.

“Y-Yoongi…”

Yoongi sinks his teeth into the side of Seokjin’s neck, a shallow bite but a bite nonetheless. A warning that goes right to Seokjin’s dick. He gasps and slaps a hand over his mouth to keep quiet.

“Are we back to first names, Jin-ah?” Yoongi’s eyes are red, daring as he stares at Seokjin waiting for his answers. Seokjin shakes his head and Yoongi grins, all teeth. “Can’t wait to hear all the pretty sounds you’ll make for me.”

Yoongi wastes no time in carrying Seokjin to their bedroom. He keeps his hands on Seokjin’s ass, squeezing the globs of flesh and teasing the puckered ring of muscle through the fabric of Seokjin’s shorts. It is a sweet torture that Seokjin has craved since Yoongi left. Now that his husband is home, Seokjin will take everything that Yoongi is willing to give him. If he wants to worship his body and play his body like his personal instrument, who is Seokjin to deny such a request? 

In the bedroom, Yoongi kicks the door shut and locks it behind him. He walks over to the bed and sets Seokjin down gently. Yoongi doesn’t want to upset the little one that should be sleeping right now inside of Seokjin’s tummy. 

“Strip for me, wangjanim.” Yoongi’s words are a soft order and he leaves Seokjin’s side to grab the massage oil, pink silk wrist restraints, the matching silk blindfold and lube. If Yoongi is to worship Seokjin, he is going to do it right. Yoongi hears the ruffling of fabric as he moves around in their shared closet. He steps out and Seokjin is just now stepping out of his sleep shorts. Yoongi smirks when he sees that his husband isn’t wearing any underwear. 

Standing by the side of the bed, completely nude, Seokjin wraps his arms around his stomach, rubbing the sore and stretched skin. His eyes are downcast, staring at the new stretch marks that zigzag on his stomach and hips. He has a love, hate relationship with his stretch marks. They show just how much of himself Seokjin has given for his children but they also show the changes his body has gone through. They are a consent reminder that his body will never be the same ever again. 

Pale hands come into Seokjin’s vision, flushed and dark at the knuckles and warm as they smooth over Seokjin’s tummy. 

“Get out of your head and focus on me, yeah?” Yoongi demands softly as he caresses the tummy that holds his growing child. “You are so beautiful and I can never thank you enough for the life you have given to me. Miyoung and our new little one…they are my blessings.” Yoongi cups Seokjin’s cheek in one hand and runs his thumb over the apple of his eye. 

“You are my greatest blessing in this hellish world I live in.”

Leaning in, Yoongi captures Seokjin’s lips and Seokjin’s body relaxes into the kiss. His body follows every order that Yoongi gives and soon, Seokjin is lying at the top of the bed, his back cushioned by soft pillows while his hands are held down by silk restraints tied to the headboard. Yoongi sits beside him on his knees, a pink blindfold held between his hands with that all too familiar smirk present on his face.

“What’s our safe word darling?” 

“B-Borahae,” Seokjin stammers as he shivers under Yoongi’s unblinking gaze. He feels like Yoongi is appraising him, trying to relearn and memorize every inch of his body before he is devoured. It makes Seokjin’s tummy tingle with a hot heat that sits low in his groin. For a moment, Seokjin worries that maybe the baby is sitting on his bladder but as Yoongi moves forward with the pink blindfold in his hands, Seokjin knows that he is okay. The material is cool and smooth as it rests against his eyes and presses lightly into the start of the apples of his cheeks.

Yoongi’s hands are warm and rough, calloused from years of killing and never learning the meaning of hand cream until Seokjin came along. Fingertips leave a trail of goosebumps in their wake as they map out paths for Yoongi to follow later on. From the bottom of Seokjin’s jaw, down the length of his neck, across his collarbones, into the hollow of his throat and down over his chest before his nipples are twisted, pinched and pulled until they are stiff and puffy. Down farther, circling his stomach, up, over and around, again and again, Seokjin shivers. His hips are traced and squeezed, his thighs are kneaded like dough and yet Yoongi goes further still.

Seokjin is on cloud nine, his mind a happy mess of cotton candy caresses and syrup sweet seduction as Yoongi’s voice floods his very being. With his eyes covered, Seokjin’s pleasure is completely up to Yoongi and he makes that known with his heated words, whispering into Seokjin’s ears a low ember just starting to burn.

“So good for me ‘mega, showing me everything that you like.” Yoongi hums as he inhales, his nose pressing against Seokjin’s temple as he speaks. “Will you show me more? Humm? Will you show me everything I've missed?” 

Seokjin nods his head, a whimper falling from his lips as Yoongi’s blunt nails scratch over the stretched skin of his tummy. Yoongi shushes him before a wet kiss is placed on his shoulder and Yoongi shifts on the bedding. A cap clicks open, ringing loudly in Seokjin’s ears as he tries to guess what Yoongi will do next. Something is squeezed out of the bottle and from the pleasant sweet and nutty scent that wafts into Seokjin’s nose, he knows that it is his sweet almond and grapeseed oil that Yoongi has promised to rub into his skin.

Skin on skin rubbing together, not dry but moistened by the oil makes Seokjin’s stomach flutter in anticipation. Yoongi’s hands are a wonderful torture when he isn’t killing someone. He always applies just the right amount of pressure to pull the sweetest of sinful sounds from Seokjin’s lips. Seokjin jumps as oil slicked hands press onto his calves and start to massage the warmed wetness into his skin. His muscles flex and tremble as they are rubbed, pressed and rolled into malleable mounds of flesh that tingle in relief. The pressure of carrying a baby no longer strained the overworked tendons and Seokjin sighs in content. 

“Feeling better?” 

Seokjin is sinking fast as Yoongi’s hands skim upwards, now his thighs are the victims of tender touches while feather light kisses cover his tummy. The baby kicks, not enough to hurt but enough for Yoongi to huff out a laugh. The pressure of Yoongi’s forehead pressing into Seokjin’s stomach is soothing as Yoongi mummers to the little one that should be asleep by now. In the quiet of the room, Seokjin smiles to himself as he listens to Yoongi’s secret words. He thinks that his lover might have forgotten that with his eyes covered, his hearing has gotten better.

Yoongi speaks of the days to come, of tiny hands, chubby cheeks and toothless smiles. He promises protection, never ending love and ceaseless laughter. Seokjin believes him, it is a dream that has taken root in his heart. A kiss to the skin where the baby is resting against makes Seokjin’s eyes well with tears and he sniffles a few times trying to get his nose to unclog.

“I haven’t shown you my love and you’re already crying?” Yoongi’s voice is a teasing coo as he rubs Seokjin’s stomach. “Cry if you must. I will not untie you just yet wangjanim.”

Seokjin’s fingers wrap around the bounds at his wrist and he bites his lower lip to quiet his cries. He is filled with so much love just from Yoongi’s words alone and it isn’t enough. His heart craves more. He wants Yoongi to smother him with his love and brand it into his skin again and again. Though if Seokjin really thinks about it (he doesn’t), Yoongi already has branded his skin with his love. The darker zig zag lines that cling to his hips are proof of his love outside of Miyoung and the little one that continues to grow in Seokjin’s stomach. The faded red ring of teeth is another brand, one so loud that it screams in the silence.

More and more kisses are pressed to Seokjin’s skin, following the path that Yoongi’s hand created. Seokjin’s skin is tingling with need, he tries to cross his legs, press his thighs close together to maybe offer some relief but Yoongi is quick. He swats at Seokjin’s left thigh, the skin becoming flushed with the sudden strike. It isn’t hard but enough for Seokjin to gasp as his cocklet twitches. Yoongi shifts on the bed and Seokjin holds his breath as he strains his ears. What is his dear mate up to now? 

Hands touch his stomach and Seokjin relaxes into the warmth of Yoongi’s very existence. Invisible shapes are traced onto his skin, his stretch marks are grazed over with so much love that Seokjin struggles to breathe. Yoongi’s breath is cool as it washes over Seokjin’s chin and soon lips are on his. He can taste love on Yoongi’s tongue, unspoken words that are swapped in between split slick tongues and bitten moans.

Yoongi easily settles himself between Seokjin’s spread legs and snakes a hand between their bodies. Having Seokjin sitting up opposed to laying flat on his back, makes the move easier for Yoongi to slide his hand below Seokjin’s swollen stomach and allow for his fingers to pet the dark curls of hair that Seokjin hasn’t had groomed since Yoongi left the house.

Yoongi grins against Seokjin’s mouth as the older gasps, his cocklet again twitching at the promise of getting attention. Yoongi licks into Seokjin’s mouth, hungry and ready to suck down anything that Seokjin will give him. 

“Mmm!” Seokjin breaks the kiss panting against Yoongi’s mouth, “P-Please, wanna…wanna feel-” Seokjin’s words fall into messy whines as he tries to grind against Yoongi’s hand, the head of his cocklet just kissing the tips of Yoongi’s fingers. 

“Tell Alpha what you want and I’ll give it to you. Tell me what you need.”

“You!” Seokjin sobs, his tears soaking the blindfold and turning it a dark pink. “I w-want you, Alpha!”

Yoongi huffs, his lips pulling into a smirk as he presses his mouth against Seokjin’s once more as he wraps his fingers around his husband’s leaking tip. Seokjin cries harder and Yoongi starts to circle the messy tip with his thumb. It isn’t enough, it isn’t nearly enough but Seokjin will take it. He knows that Yoongi will give him what he wants soon enough.

“I hate it when you cry darling.” Yoongi whispers as he pulls his face away from Seokjin’s and rips the blindfold off his face. Seokjin blinks quickly, his vision blurred with tears and spotted with darkness.

“But, fuck! You look so pretty when you cry for me though,” Yoongi coos as he wipes at Seokjin’s tears with his free hand. He leans forward and licks a missed tear from Seokjin’s cheek and kisses his temple. “Will you let Alpha fuck you, ‘mega? Knock you up with twins this time?” 

Seokjin whines and pushes at Yoongi’s chest, “S-Shut up. I’m already p-pregnant!”

Yoongi laughs and licks his lips as he looks down at Seokjin’s large stomach. He is much larger than he was the last time with Miyoung. He slides back and fixes the pillows around Seokjin, placing another at his lower back to help him sit up better since he slid down slightly.

“You have enough room yeobo,” Yoongi teases as he rubs Seokjin’s stomach. “What’s one more?” 

Yoongi knows his words don’t make sense but they have the desired effect on Seokjin. His husband will not say it out loud but they both know Seokjin has a breeding kink. And what kind of mate would Yoongi be if he didn’t indulge his heart every once in a while. Yoongi strokes Seokjin slowly, gathering his precum before he slides his hand away, between Seokjin’s ass and teases the fluttering hole. Seokjin’s fingers are pale, his knuckles nearly white from squeezing his restraints so hard and Yoongi grins, all teeth and gums as he pulls his hand away and holds up his palm to Seokjin.

“Sp-”

Yoongi doesn’t even get the chance to speak before Seokjin spits right into his hand, his lower lip glistening from the saliva. Yoongi hums in delight, he loves it when Seokjin is just as nasty as him.

“That’s my good omega. So perfect for me, yeobo.”

Yoongi angles his hand downward and lets Seokjin’s split slide towards his fingers before he reaches back down between Seokjin’s ass. The mixture of spit, slick and precum is messy, slippery and just the right amount as Yoongi slips his middle and index finger into Seokjin with no resistance. Seokjin’s moan is high pitched, almost a keen as he tries to sink down farther onto Yoongi’s fingers. He knows that Yoongi is only two knuckles deep, he can go deeper.

“Easy, darling.” Yoongi teases, his cat eyes trained on Seokjin’s hole sucking his fingers in as he tries to pull them out. The tug of war between the two has Seokjin’s head spinning and Yoongi is unable to look away. He adds his ring finger as well and now Seokjin is falling apart on three of Yoongi’s fingers. The space is tight with a little burn that leaves Seokjin wanting more. Tears once again stream down his face, as Yoongi starts to tug at his flushed and leaking length.

“Make a mess for me to clean. Wanna treat you right, wangjanim”

Seokjin nods his head at Yoongi’s words, his hair sticking to his sweaty forehead as he tries to verbalize his response but it’s no use. He can’t form any words yet alone any sound other than his long drawn out moans as Yoongi pulls him apart. Blood rushes behind his ears. His face, neck and ears are flushed and his heart is pounding so loudly.

“Y-Yoon! F-Fuuuuk!” 

Seokjin’s body tenses for a moment as Yoongi’s fingers brush against his prostate. Yoongi grins to himself, this is what he wants. Seokjin is a babbling mess, unable to think of anything but the need to come before he begs Yoongi for his knot. Seokjin’s head is spinning as he paints the underside of his stomach white as his cum shoots out and dribbles down the sides of Yoongi’s fingers. His heart is pounding harshly and so loudly that Seokjin is sure Yoongi can hear it. Yoongi keeps a tight grip on Seokjin’s softening member and eases his fingers out with a smile on his face.

“Too much?” Yoongi muses and Seokjin shakes his head quickly. “Still want more?”

“Want your knot, Alpha!” Seokjin’s eyes are large and wet as he begs for Yoongi. What pretty words he says, always knows just how to get Yoongi to do what he wants.

Not taking his eyes off Seokjin, Yoongi licks at his fingers. His tongue collects the spilled cum and he makes a show of swallowing it all down, humming in delight at the sweet and salty taste. Seokjin bites his lip and watches in awe, his eyes blown wide with a thin ring of blue as Yoongi licks his lips before smacking them. He shoots Seokjin a wink and slides down the length of the bed, his face now between Seokjin’s leg and he licks his lips again.

“Made such a mess for me ‘mega. Let Alpha clean you up and then I’ll give you my knot.”

“Yes!” Seokjin mewls, his legs spreading farther apart and Yoongi chuckles. 

Wasting no time, Yoongi licks and sucks away the spilled cum making sure not to miss any. He would hate to waste such a treat. He carefully moves Seokjin’s legs until they are bent at the knees and spread wide apart before he grabs Seokjin’s ass and spreads his cheeks. His slurps up the mess he made, Seokjin spit and slick mixing together on Yoongi’s tongue. From the sounds that Seokjin is making, Yoongi is sure that he could come again without his prostate being touched. Wordlessly, Yoongi grabs Seokjin cocklet and wiggles the tip of his tongue on the slit of the head where a clear bead of precum is already starting to drool out.

“Yoongi!” Seokjin yowls, his pitch high and frazzled. 

Yoongi pays him little mind as he wraps his lips around the flushed tip and sucks Seokjin deep into his mouth, his lips and nose tickled by dark pubes. He sucks and swallows around the short length, using his split slicked hand to fondle Seokjin’s balls, silently daring the man to deny him another taste of his cum. Seokjin is sensitive and horny, this pregnancy is worse than his first and with Yoongi between his legs all he can do is come again with his mate’s name on his lips. Yoongi purrs as he gulps down Seokjin’s release and lets the softened member slip from his lips. Licking his lips, Yoongi shuffles back up the bed, still settled between Seokjin’s legs but now hovering over his sweet husband.

“Did so good for Alpha. So fucking perfect for me,” Yoongi whispers as he leans down and captures Seokjin’s lips that are swollen from how much he has bit them.

Seokjin pulls at the restraints on his wrists and nips at Yoongi’s lower lip before he pulls his face away and widens his eyes. From above, Yoongi looks so much larger than he really is. Strands of his dark hair stick to his damp face, his lips are a deep mauve color from spending time between Seokjin’s legs and stealing so many kisses. Yoongi’s shoulders are powerful, wide and tempting. Seokjin wishes he wasn’t pregnant only for a moment just so he can throw his legs over Yoongi’s shoulders as his husband folds him like a pretzel. 

“What are you thinking about yeobo?” 

Seokjin blinks slowly as he focuses on Yoongi’s face, he looks so natural looming above him and it makes Seokjin’s mouth water as his omega rolls over willingly. He swallows thickly and nuzzles his face into Yoongi’s forearm, littering small wet kisses to the bulging veins that stand out against his pale skin.

“Want you to fuck me A-Alpha,” Seokjin moans, throwing his head back to show off his long marked neck. “Need you so bad.” Seokjin makes his voice airy as he rolls his hips, pressing himself flush against Yoongi’s thick cock. It was a no-brainer when Seokjin found out he was pregnant with Yoongi’s pup. He couldn’t even deny it if he wanted to. Yoongi was made to breed and Seokjin was his to use.

Seokjin’s needy words go right to Yoongi’s cock, the tip is already flushed and angry, drooling clear, honey like precum just from Seokjin’s words. Nodding his head, Yoongi sits back on his knees and strokes himself twice before he lines himself up with Seokjin's puffy hole. He presses the tip of his dick in slightly and the moan that fills the air makes the hair on the back of Yoongi’s neck stand up. God, his husband is so fucking loud and he hasn’t even done anything yet.

“You’ll wake the baby…” Yoongi teases as he pulls away and Seokjin whines, turning his head to bite into the meat of his bicep to silence himself.

Knowing that he locked the door already, Yoongi isn’t worried about Miyoung barging into their room, but it is still fun to tease his husband. Plus after Miyoung turned one, Yoongi had their room remodeled so that no one could hear Seokjin’s sinful shouts as Yoongi took him again and again. Narrowing his eyes, Yoongi reaches out and strokes the side of Seokjin’s face. He digs his thumb into Seokjin’s lower lip and pulls slightly, making Seokjin release his bicep from between his teeth. Yoongi makes a scolding tisk as he sucks his teeth and groans as Seokjin sucks his thumb into his mouth.

“That’s it, darling. Stay nice and quiet for me.”

Easing his hips forward, Yoongi’s cockhead is meant with the slight resistance before he slides right in, the warm walls greedily sucking him in little by little. Yoongi nearly forgot how tight his husband is, the way his walls squeeze him like a vice that refuses to let him go. Seokjin’s moans are muffled as Yoongi presses down on his tongue with his thumb. Yoongi’s brows knit together as he bottoms out, his pelvis flush against the back of Seokjin’s thighs. 

“M-More!” Seokjin pleads around Yoongi’s finger and Yoongi does as he’s told. 

He circles his hips, grinding against Seokjin’s thighs, refusing to move away just yet. He sits heavy inside of Seokjin, carving a place for his cock as he starts to roll his hips like he’s dancing. Seokjin whimpers as he tries to move his own hips but Yoongi is quick to grab hold of them and pin him to the mattress.

“Let me do the work. You just relax and enjoy it, wangjanim.” 

Yoongi keeps his eyes on Seokjin’s face, watching as his nose scrunches up in pleasure, his mouth parts and eyes slip close once Yoongi finally starts to really move. He rocks his hips back and forth, the lewd squishing sound nearly drowns out his balls slapping against the wet skin of Seokjin’s ass. It is loud, hot, sweaty and intoxicating. Yoongi wouldn’t trade this moment for anything in the world and as Seokjin moans his name over and over, Yoongi knows that this is where he is meant to be, forever.

“W-Wait!” Seokjin cries out and he tries to close his legs, pushing Yoongi away. 

Yoongi stops all of his movements and raises an eyebrow to which Seokjin inhales a shaky breath.

“Borah-aae.” 

Yoongi immediately pulls out and rolls from between Seokjin’s legs. He crawls up to the headboard and unties Seokjin’s wrists, pulling them up to his face and kissing the discolored skin.

“Did I hurt you? What’s wrong?” 

Yoongi’s eyes are wild as they dart around Seokjin’s body trying to find the source of his discomfort but Seokjin shakes his head as he pulls his wrists from Yoongi’s hold.

“I-” Seokjin’s ears burn hot and he wiggles to the edge of the bed. 

Yoongi is right there by his side, helping Seokjin stand up on his own two feet.

Splash

Seokjin’s eyes widen and he stands frozen while Yoongi’s eyes drop down to the dark spot of water on the area rug. Slowly, Yoongi’s eyes widen in realization and his head snaps up to look at Seokjin who looks more embarrassed than concerned. Yoongi carefully moves Seokjin away from the mess on the floor and leads him into the bathroom with steady steps, one after the other.

“Any pain?”

“A two?”

“Cramps? Do you want to shower or take a bath?”

“A shower would be nice. I don’t want to go to the hospital smelling like sex, naekkeo.”

Yoongi huffs a laugh and settles Seokjin on the toilet before he starts to set up the shower making sure that the water is warm enough to steam up but not burn Seokjin’s skin. He helps Seokjin into the shower first before he joins him and quickly washes.

“Stay in here and relax. I need to call the guys and pack the car.” 

Yoongi moves to leave the shower and Seokjin grabs his arm. He turns around and Seokjin smiles, taking a few steps forward. Seokjin wraps his arms around Yoongi’s shoulders and hugs him as tightly as he can.

“I love you, Yoongi-ah.”

Yoongi hugs Seokjin lightly and rubs his hands up and down the small of Seokjin’s back as he sinks into the love.

“I love you too, Jin-ah.” Pulling away, Yoongi cups Seokjin’s cheek and presses his lips to his. “I’ll be back for you in a minute.” 

Yoongi exits the shower and grabs a towel, not bothering to wrap it around his waist as he towels himself off as he walks. In the bedroom, he finds his phone tangled in the clothing on the floor and grabs it. He calls Namjoon first and informs him that the baby is coming and it is time to get shit rolling. Once he is off the phone with Namjoon, Yoongi gets himself dressed in a pair of black sweats and a black t-shirt. He grabs a loose pair of blue sleep pants for Seokjin and a pretty white and blue silk top that will hang down past Seokjin’s stomach.

He grabs the hospital bag from the back of the closet and tosses it by the bedroom door before he goes back into the bathroom to check on Seokjin. Yoongi’s phone dings and it’s a text message from Taehyung, letting him know that he is on the way to his house to stay with Miyoung until it is time to bring her to the hospital to meet her newborn sibling. Yoongi heads down stairs and packs a smaller bag with snacks since he knows that the hospital will not let Seokjin eat before his delivery. A few snacks on the way to the hospital is the best that Yoongi can do outside of the ice chips that they will give to Seokjin.

Yoongi sets both bags by the front door and rushes up the steps to his room. He enters the bathroom again and this time, Seokjin is crying in the shower. Yoongi turns the water off and wraps a towel around his mate’s shaking form.

“Pain level?” 

“F-Five,” Seokjin cries and Yoongi’s brows pull together in confusion. “W-What if something is wrong?” Seokjin starts to go down that path and Yoongi shakes his head.

“We are fine, yeobo. The pup is fine. They just got a little excited to meet us.” Yoongi’s voice is as reassuring as it can be. Sure the baby is coming early, a full month early, but Yoongi is sure that everything will be okay.

He helps Seokjin out of the bathroom and gets him dressed. He brushes Seokjin’s hair and tosses it into a claw clip to keep the damp strands out of his face. The sound of footsteps catches Yoongi’s attention and stands behind Seokjin rubbing his shoulders as the older man rubs his tummy soothingly. There is a knock at the door before it opens and Taehyung walks in with Jimin behind him.

“Miyoung still sleeping?” Taehyung questions as Jimin pushes past him to walk into the room and drop down onto his knees in front of Seokjin.

Yoongi rolls his eyes and nods his head as Jimin starts to rub Seokjin’s tummy while speaking in whispers to the baby. Taehyung walks over and gives Yoongi a hug before he pats Seokjin’s head and kisses his cheek.

“Thank you for everything,” Seokjin mummers with a smile as Yoongi and Taehyung help him up from his seat. He is wearing a set of old maternity underwear along with one of the few pads that he had left over from Miyoung’s birth.

“We would do it again in a heartbeat,” Jimin beams as he leans in and  wraps his arms around Seokjin kissing his cheek. “Now go! I’m not ready to see the little one just yet.”

Yoongi takes hold of Seokjin’s hand and the two leave the room with Taehyung and Jimin right behind them.

“Hoseok is in charge until further notice. Namjoon will keep everyone posted.”

“You got it boss man!” Jimin and Taehyung both salute Yoongi and he flips them off before he leads Seokjin down the steps. 

Yoongi grabs the bags by the door and swings them over his shoulder before he heads outside and to the car with Seokjin. He opens the passenger side and helps Seokjin inside before handing him the snack bag. The other bag is tossed in the back seat and Yoongi jumps into the driver seat. As he puts his seatbelt on he looks over at Seokjin.

“Level?” 

“Still a five.”

“How far apart are your contractions?” 

“Fifteen minutes...maybe less?”

“We got this darling.” Yoongi backs out of the driveway and heads to the hospital. Halfway there, Seokjin starts his breathing exercises and Yoongi puts on one of Seokjin’s favorite albums on the radio. Seokjin keeps one hand on his tummy, rubbing it in small circles, where Yoongi thinks the baby is and his other hand is laced with Yoongi’s in Yoongi’s lap. Raising their joined hands, Yoongi kisses the back of Seokjin’s hand and grins, all teeth and gums. 

“If it’s a girl?”

“Micha.”

“A boy?”

“Youngtae.”

Yoongi’s smile widens. He loves the names that they picked out and he cannot wait to meet his little one. At the hospital, Seokjin is every bit of a monster. Gone is Yoongi’s sweet and gentle lover, now replaced with an angry omega who wishes death upon Yoongi a thousand times over for causing him so much pain. Since Seokjin’s contractions hit all at once so quickly, they missed the cut for an epidural and now Seokjin has to have the baby without one.

Yoongi’s bones feel like they will be ground into dust with how harshly Seokjin’s is squeezing his hand. Both of them are sweating but only Seokjin is sobbing, his face puffy and nose snotty as big fat tears roll down his face. He is screaming, cursing Yoongi for ever tempting him into his nest. He doesn’t say that he hates Yoongi but with how he glares, Yoongi thinks a little part of him might.

A little wail shatters the tension in the room and an urgency like never before floods the room. Seokjin is sobbing into Yoongi’s chest as doctors and nurses run around with different things in their hands. Yoongi smooths a hand over Seokjin’s hair and kisses the top of his sweaty head.

“You did so good, yeobo. So good. Our pup is okay…”

“Wan-wanna see them.” Seokjin whispers, exhausted from childbirth. He just wants to sleep for a little bit but he cannot do that until he sees with his own two eyes that his baby is okay. Yoongi watches the doctors as they move about and soon a nurse walks over with a tiny pink blanket in her arms.

“It’s a girl,” she informs the couple and a new set of tears falls from Seokjin’s eyes. Yoongi’s eyes start to mist over but he clears his throat and helps Seokjin take their daughter from the nurse.

He slides the side of Seokjin’s hospital gown down and eases the baby onto Seokjin’s bare skin. His own hand rests on the baby’s bare back and he finally cries when his little girl’s cries quite right down now that she is safe in her parent’s hold.

“Micha…our beautiful daughter.” Yoongi leans down and presses a kiss to her little head before he kisses Seokjin’s temple. He presses his nose into Seokjin’s sweaty skin and inhales deeply, “I love you. I love you so much, yeobo.”