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justagalwhowrites · 11 months ago

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Yearling - Ch. 28: Newcomer

Life changes for you in Jackson. A continuation of Yearling ch. 1-26 found on Tumblr here.

Pairing: Joel Miller x Female Reader

Warnings: Angst because duh. Canon-typical violence. Reference to past SA. No use of Y/N. Minors DNI 18+ Only

Length: 14.1k (SOMEONE PLEASE TELL ME TO CALM DOWN)

AO3 | Chapter One | Previous Chapter | Next Chapter

October, 2027

“Is everything OK?” You frowned as you watched as Savvy pushed her scrambled eggs from one side of her plate to the other, her head propped against her hand and a flat look on her face.

She shrugged and moved the pile of eggs again.

“Need to eat before school,” you said, not really paying much attention to your own plate.

“Why?” Savvy snapped, looking up at you. “So I can have energy to go sit in a chair all day? No thanks.”

You sighed, jaw tense, and set your fork down, crossing your arms and leaning on the table.

“Want to talk about it?”

“Not really,” she looked back at her plate and moved the eggs again.

“I might be able to help,” you said, smiling a little at her from across the table. “Believe it or not, I was a teenager once, too. And life here isn’t all that different from the life I had when I was your age.”

“Yeah, so you’ve said,” she muttered, an edge in her voice.

You watched her for a moment, feeling more distant from your daughter than you ever had when she was physically so close.

Becoming a part of Jackson had been a rough transition for Savvy. It just had taken you a while to see it.

At first, you were so relieved to have her with you again that everything else was white noise.

For a bit, that day at the stables, you were rooted to the ground. You were afraid to move too far, like if you left that space she’d vanish again. You couldn’t bear to stop touching her to walk home, your arms around her shoulders and holding her body to yours the entire way.

She clung onto you, too, early on. There was so much she didn’t know and so much you didn’t know that she didn’t know. Things about life in Jackson that were innate to you - muscle memory from a time the crumbling world was forgetting - were completely foreign to her.

Savvy had the same problem with electricity you had when coming to town, sitting with her fingers in her ears when you weren’t talking for the first few days she was there. She was amazed by so much. She’d seen and read about things like stoves and refrigerators, showers and CD players but she’d never used them. It was like she existed outside of the modern era, approaching it all with skeptical caution as she adjusted to the reality she now lived in. You did your best to guide her through it, showing her everything and explaining how it worked as best you could.

The two of you didn’t leave the house the first week she was there. You didn’t need to, food boxes appearing again. It was a good thing, too, because you were too busy catching up on everything that had happened in the years you’d been apart and getting to know each other again to venture out.

Savvy had never been captured by Mitchum and his men. They’d gotten close to her once, one of his men the first person she ever killed. She managed to slip away but had to leave Nike behind.

After that, she wanted nothing to do with people. She knew how to run and how to hide, how to get away quick when she heard or sensed something coming. She had become an expert at being alone, living off the land, crossing all over the region so she was never in one place for long enough to tip off any of the more powerful groups. It was a miracle that Joel had found her at all.

Getting adjusted to the people of Jackson was a struggle. She’d only ever been around maybe half a dozen people at once before, when you’d run into a family making their way through your territory and you decided it was safe for her to meet them.

Here, there were hundreds.

“Why are there so many of them?” She asked quietly the first time you left the house, her arm looped with yours as you passed a cluster of kids running toward the playground, a haggard looking man chasing after them.

You frowned.

“What do you mean?”

“The people,” she said, watching the kids for a moment with a small frown on her face before looking back to you. “There’s… there’s so many of them. There’s not enough space here, how does everyone live here?”

You smiled a little.

“This is what people did all the time before,” you said. “People like us were the odd ones.”

She crinkled her nose.

“Maybe that’s why the world ended,” she said. “Not enough room for us all.”

“I think you’ll like people once you get to know them,” you said, giving her a little squeeze. “They’re good people here. And you always had fun playing with the kids we met before…”

“That was a long time ago,” she said, voice sharp.

“I know,” you said, trying not to let the hurt at the thought of your time with her being long ago now. “But you were always good with people. Definitely better than I was. I think you’ll like it, once you understand it.”

“Maybe,” she said, skeptical. “I don’t know. I just… I kind of like it. Being by myself.”

“That’s OK,” you replied. “Doesn’t mean you can’t like people, too.”

“Right,” she nodded, looking at the ground.

She really had not enjoyed starting school.

Savvy just came with you to the stables when you starred back at work again. She immediately bonded with the horses and spent an hour just standing next to Perseus, her head pressed against his large shoulder, her eyes closed.

You tried to not push her too fast or too far. You knew it was a big adjustment, that she would need time. But you also knew how important this time of her life was. She’d been totally alone for so long and you wanted more for her. She should have a chance to get to know kids her own age, to make friends, to fall in love, to have a life that she looked forward to and shared with people she cared about. Instead, she was hiding away.

So you brought her to meet Susan, the woman who taught most of the older kids in Jackson, one afternoon. She was sitting at her desk, papers in front of her and gray hair twisted into a knot on the top of her head with a pencil holding it in place. She smiled when you came in, Savvy against your side with her brows together and her features drawn tight. You were reminded of when she was a little girl and you were first teaching her how to kill. How she wanted so badly for things to stay the way they were.

“I thought I might be seeing you two soon,” she smiled and introduced herself and gestured for you to sit on the other side of her desk. “Why don’t we get to know each other a little bit?”

She asked Savvy a few questions and Savvy looked at you before answering each one, her hand tight on your knee, your hand in the middle of her back. Susan gave Savvy a few work sheets and pulled you aside while she did them.

“Do you have any idea what her skill level is?” She asked quietly. “I’ve never worked with a student who’s coming into this quite like she is…”

“I’m not sure,” you said, looking back toward the door that separated you from your daughter. “I tried my best when I was with her but I was never some great student, didn’t like school much and I never went to college, I didn’t know what the fuck I was doing…”

Susan reached out, her touch catching you off guard and you had to fight not to jump, giving your shoulder a gentle squeeze.

“You did everything you could,” she said. “No one would expect you to run an elementary school when trying to survive the end of the world. But students backslide over summer break let alone something like this. Years on her own not keeping up with what she was taught and no formal schooling to begin with… she might have a lot of ground to cover.”

You just nodded, trying not to blame yourself for whatever Savvy was missing. Even though you knew, deep down, it was your fault.

But she hadn’t let her skills totally lapse in the last few years. When she stopped and checked houses and stores for clothes and shelf stable food, she also found books to read and something to write in. Her language skills were advanced and she had a good understanding of biology. But her math was rudimentary at best and her history knowledge was spotty, limited to areas that had caught your attention or hers through the years.

“I can put her with the other kids her age,” Susan said, her voice low as Savvy browsed the book shelves at the back of the classroom. “We’ll see how she does. I’m more worried about the socialization than I am anything academic. She’s not used to being around her peers or more than one or two other people at a time, it might be a lot for her…”

“Do you think it would be better if I kept her home?” You asked, the sting of tears at the back of your throat. What if you’d doomed your daughter to a life of loneliness because you hadn’t sought out a place like Jackson when she was little? What if she never had a chance to experience things beyond just survival because you’d kept her away from it?

“No,” Susan said, more definitively than you’d expected. “But it might be better to… ease her into the school experience. Just an hour or two at first and build up to it, plan to have her join during quieter periods when there’s lecture and not group work quite yet, that sort of thing.”

You nodded slowly, jaw tight as you watched Savvy pick a book off the shelf and turn it over to read the back. Susan rested her hand gently on your shoulder, making you jump and look back at her. She didn’t seem to notice.

“Children are resilient,” she said gently. “They adjust and adapt. She will be OK.”

You nodded, a few tears slipping free.

“Mom?” Savvy called.

You quickly dried the tears and sniffed.

“Yeah?”

“Can I bring this home?” She came over and handed you the book. It was Little Women. “It sounds good…”

“It is good,” you said, clearing your throat and hoping she couldn’t hear the change in your voice. “But it’s not my book to lend, you’ll have to ask Ms. Parker.”

“Right,” she said, turning to her but looking more to the side than directly at her. “Is it OK?”

“Promise you’ll bring it back when you come to my classes?” Susan asked, smiling and trying to meet her eyes. “And that you’ll take good care of it?”

Savvy just nodded.

“Then yes,” she said. “You can borrow it.”

She smiled tightly and turned to go before you stopped her.

“Savvy,” you said. Like you, she’d forgotten what it was like to interact with other people after being totally alone for so long. You’d taught her please and thank you when she was little but, once it was just her and the animals, the habit had slipped away.

“Right,” she said, turning back and actually looking at Susan this time. “Thank you.”

Susan smiled.

“You’re welcome. I hope you enjoy it and I’ll see you soon in class.”

Savvy looked to you and you put your arm around her waist and guided her home.

She’d taken pretty well to school, all things considered. She liked to learn and was an engaged student, according to Susan. But she got bored easily and wasn’t the most tolerant of other students’ tendencies to goof off or talk during class. She also didn’t understand when the other kids teased her.

Sean, one of the older boys, sneered at her once and called her the wild girl.

“So?” Savvy had frowned.

“You’re not civilized,” he’d said. “Shouldn’t be here with us humans, should be out there with the fucking animals…”

You only knew about it at all because Ellie overheard the incident and handled it herself.

“Ellie!” You’d gaped at her when she told you as she leaned against the stall you were in. “What did you do?”

“Beat the shit out of him until he went home to cry to his mommy,” she sneered the last word, mocking and righteous.

You weren’t sure whether you wanted to hug her or scold her.

“You’re an adult now,” you said, going back to brushing down Shimmer. “You really shouldn’t beat up children…”

“OK first of all, he’s 16,” she said. “Second, he’s got a foot on me, not my problem if he’s a little bitch…”

“And thank you,” you cut her off. “For protecting her.”

She just shrugged.

“I was the wild girl once,” she said. “Sucks sometimes.”

“She OK?” You asked, realizing that you’d never thought you’d need to navigate things like bullies with Savvy until that moment.

“Fine,” Ellie shrugged again. “She didn’t seem that bothered by it, actually. Pissed me off more than her.”

You nodded slowly.

“I can introduce her to some people who don’t fucking suck,” Ellie said after a minute. “And she can come hang out with me and Dina and Jesse sometimes.”

“Isn’t she a little young to be running around with y’all?” You frowned.

“Not really,” Ellie shrugged. “And we won’t let her get into too much trouble.”

You sighed, brush frozen on Shimmer’s side. The horse huffed, turning back to look at you, a sense of judgement in her eyes.

“Try not to be a bad influence on my kid,” you said, glancing at Ellie, who smirked.

“Bad influence? Me? Wouldn’t dream of it.”

Ellie did introduce her to some of the older kids who were still in school and Savvy started staying after school to hang out with them a few times per week. There was one boy, Kyle, who she started talking about a lot, a small smile tugging at her lips when she did.

She also started going to movie nights and even to the mess hall with people besides you, easing into knowing people. She even slept over at Ellie’s once, leaving you anxiously pacing your house all night, not able to shake the feeling that she should be here and she wasn’t. There was the lingering thought that, maybe, you’d only ever imagined her coming back at all and you’d been alone all this time. You left the lamp on by the front door for the first time since she’d come back and you slept on the couch, waking with a jolt when she came home the next morning.

But she’d started pushing back against you for the last two weeks. She answered questions in as few words as possible, she pushed her curfew when she went out with her friends, she snapped at you when you asked her to help around the house.

You were taken aback by it. You’d never had conflict like this with her before. Of course, it was hard for her to rebel much when there was nothing else for her to rebel WITH, no other people or forbidden substances to act out with. But she’d also only been 11 when you’d been taken. She was 15 now. You weren’t sure how much would have always happened this way and how much she was picking up now that she was around other teenagers.

“Do you not want to go to school anymore?” You asked gently from across the table. Her hair was extra wild today, her all but shoving you away when you tried to braid it before heading to the mess hall for breakfast. She’d refused all attempts to contain it, curls springing in every direction.

“Is that what I said?” She asked, raising her eyebrows at you.

“No,” you said. “But I’m trying to understand how you’re feeling, honey. I can tell you’re upset by something and…”

“Were you ever going to tell me about you and Joel?” She snapped.

Your heart stuttered.

“What?”

“You and Joel,” she said. “You were together, right? Were you ever going to tell me about that?”

“I… I don’t…” you just blinked for a moment, trying to gather your thoughts. “Where did you hear about that?”

“Something Ellie said tipped me off,” she replied. “Don’t think she realized she was giving away some big secret…”

“It’s not a secret, honey, it’s just…” you sighed. “It’s not… it’s not important right now, you’re what’s important and…”

“Am I?” She smacked her fork down on the table hard enough that you startled away from the sound. “Doesn’t feel like it.”

“What do you mean?” You asked, chest getting tight. “Savvy, you’re the most important…”

“Did you even try to find me?” She cut you off. Her eyes were glistening and her face was drawn, tight and hurt. “Did you even bother to really look? Because I looked for you. I looked for you for years, Mom! I searched and I searched and I thought I’d find you eventually. I thought you must have really been hurt to have not come and found me so I needed to find you because my mom would never have just left me like that.

“After a while, I thought you must have died, that’s the only thing I thought would have kept you from finding me again,” she kept going, voice a little louder, the people around you at the mess hall awkwardly glancing away. “And that hurt and I missed you and I felt… I felt so guilty about that because I knew that if I just hadn’t been there you’d still be alive and you were only gone because of me and that was the only thing that would have kept you away from me. But I was wrong, you were just… you were here the whole time, here having some happy life with some man like you had before and… did you forget about me? Once you found this place was I just nothing to you anymore?”

“No!” You just gaped at her from across the table. “No, that’s not what happened, that’s not at all…”

“I have school,” she stood up, picking up her plate of half eaten eggs as she did.

“No,” you shook your head, standing up, too. “No, we need to talk about this, if this is how you’ve been feeling, we can go home and…”

“Do you want me to go learn freaking algebra or not?” She snapped. “You’re the one who says it’s so important, is it important or not?”

“It is, but…”

“Then I’ll see you later,” she said, a little quieter and calmer now. “Besides… I don’t think I want to hear what you have to say right now, anyway.”

You just stood there, watching your daughter stalk off toward the school.

It was hard to focus at the stable that day. You kept looking up, hoping Savvy would come in. You weren’t sure if it would have been better to chase after her or give her space and you tried to remember what you would have wanted from your mother when you fought with her but your relationship with Savvy had never felt like your relationship with your mother. You felt so different from your mother that you sometimes wondered if you’d been traded at the hospital, another girl out there in the world who loved all the things she did living the life you were supposed to have. But Savvy had always felt like another part of yourself, independent but never fully separate.

“You caused a ruckus this morning,” Julie said when she came by the stable in the afternoon. You sighed and she perched on the wall of a stall before handing you an apple. You took a bite of it and sighed, leaning next to her.

“Heard about that, huh?” You asked, turning the fruit in your hand.

“Think the whole town has,” Julie took out an apple of her own. “Sorry.”

“Shouldn’t be too surprised,” You sighed.

“Want to talk about it?” She asked.

“Yes, in great detail,” you said sarcastically. You were thankful for Julie in that moment, though. After Savvy had come to Jackson, Julie had reached out to check in on you and, in spite of the awkward moment in the orchard outside of town, you’d grown to be friends. Which was something that you’d sorely needed as you navigated this unknown landscape of your new relationship with Savvy.

Julie snorted.

“Yeah, should have known better than to ask that. You OK?”

“I just wish I knew what to do,” you sighed. “I don’t know what she needs, I don’t know how to make her feel better, I don’t know how to make her understand…”

You pinched the bridge of your nose for a moment, sighing again.

“She’s a teenager,” Julie said kindly after you were quiet for a second. “Teenagers are hard. You remember being a teenager…”

“Not as well as you do,” you teased and she rolled her eyes.

“Yes, yes, you’re very old,” she teased back before turning serious. “She might just need space. She’ll get past it. They always do.”

You just nodded as Persephone nudged you with her large head and you surrendered the last of your apple to her.

“I just don’t want to lose her,” you said, petting the horse’s velvet nose as she chewed. “I lost so much time already, I don’t want to lose any more…”

“I know,” she said gently. “She will come around. I know she will. And in the mean time, we can drink about it.”

You laughed.

“Yeah, think I might need that.”

Julie hung out at the stable for a bit as you shoed a horse, talking to you about the date she’d gone on the day before with Karen, which had surprised you.

“Karen? Really? Wouldn’t have thought…”

“Yup,” Julie smirked a little. “What can I say, I have a good eye.”

“Are you just turning the women of Jackson?” You teased. “Wasn’t it Beth last month?”

“Maybe I am,” she teased back. “Someone needs to, Beth went out with Henry for like two months. Fucking Henry. It might be the apocalypse but options aren’t really THAT limited…”

It was a nice distraction, listening to her talk about her love life and the petty property line war happening between two of her neighbors as they went back and forth about whether or not one of their clothes lines pushed into the other’s yard and the new cocktail she was planning to roll out soon at the Tipsy Bison.

“She really will come around,” she said, dropping all pretense as she got ready to go get changed for her bartending shift. “You two love each other. She’ll understand eventually.”

You just smiled tightly.

“Thanks,” you said. “It really does help…”

“That’s what friends are for,” she said. “And if you come by the Bison tonight, I’ll even let you be one of the first to try the new drink. Take your mind off of family trouble, guaranteed.”

You laughed a little.

“Yeah, we’ll see about that.”

You finished up early at the stable and, instead of heading for the mess hall like you normally would, you went home, hoping that Savvy would be there. But it was quiet when you came in and you sighed.

“Savvy?” You called anyway, hoping she would answer.

You took off your boots and went upstairs, knocking on her bedroom door all the same. She didn’t answer then, either.

So you took a shower, trying to not linger on what she said that morning. How she thought you’d abandoned her, forgotten her, thought that there was anything in the world that was as important as her.

You’d never told her about Mitchum. It didn’t feel right, you didn’t want her to have that in her head. But you weren’t sure how to explain your absence without it. It had never occurred to you that she would think you chose to be apart from her, as though you’d choose anything over being with her. But she did.

The chill of fall was settling in so you actually dried your hair before getting dressed and seeing if, maybe, Savvy had come home while you were in the shower. You went back to her bedroom door and just happened to look down as you went to knock. There was just a bit of paper poking out from below the door. You frowned and picked it up, pulling it out from below the door. On the paper was a note in Savvy’s haphazard scrawl.

Need space, it said. Find you eventually.

“No,” you breathed and flung her door open without bothering to knock.

Her bedroom was neat and organized and everything that she’d brought with her that she considered hers was gone. All her clothes, her backpack, the books that were on her nightstand, the carvings that she’d made. All that was left in the room that hadn’t been there when you moved in were two small carvings you’d made her: two deer, one large and one small. Both were rough, the limbs not quite the right proportions, but you’d been happy to make them, sitting next to her on your porch while you both worked in a way you’d never really done before.

“Well, I’m still learning,” you’d said, putting the figures in her open palm a few weeks earlier, before this cold distance had started growing between you. “And I don’t think I’ll ever be as good as you, you’re just a natural…”

“No, they’re really good, Mom,” she’d smiled. “I love them!”

They were there on her nightstand, the larger one knocked on its side as though the table had been jostled on her way out the door.

“No,” you shook your head, heart racing. “No, no, no, no, no…”

You took off, going two stairs at a time. She was gone, she’d left, she’d taken her things and left and you hadn’t even been able to find her the first time and she was gone and this time she chose it and Joel had been the one to find her last time, not you. Joel found her once. He could find her again.

You ran to Joel’s so fast you didn’t even close the door behind you as you left. The sun was setting and you almost ran into a couple walking home hand in hand as you careened around the corner. You barely even paused at Joel’s door, the fear and warning signs that usually took hold this close to his house buried deep below a fresh horror that your mind couldn’t wrap itself around yet. You ripped the screen door open and went to grab the knob of the main door when it opened before you touched it, Joel standing there in his boots, jacket half on.

“Bambi…”

“She’s gone,” you panted for breath. “Joel, she’s gone, she left, she left a note and took her things and I need your help, please, I need your help, I’ll never ask you for another thing, I promise I…”

“Bambi,” he said again, voice gentle. His big hands gently cupped your shoulders and pulled you inside. “It’s OK, I know, she’s here, she’s OK…”

“She’s here?” You grabbed his arms fingernails digging into the thick muscle of his biceps as you searched his face. “What do… she’s here?”

“She’s here,” he said again slowly, carefully. “She’s alright, I was just about to go find you and tell you so you wouldn’t worry. Need you to take a deep breath for me sweetheart, you’re gonna pass out if you’re not careful…”

You just nodded and let him guide you to the couch, your hands still clutching onto him. Standing on your own felt uncertain, like you were newly shaped and your legs at risk of collapse under the weight of yourself. Ellie came out of the kitchen, her arms crossed over her chest, a worried look on her face.

“Where is she?” You asked, looking from Joel to Ellie. “If she’s here…”

“She’s at my place,” Ellie said, shifting awkwardly, putting her hands in her back pockets. “She was really upset, she was there when I got home… I told her I was going to get us something to eat, I should get back…”

“Is she OK?” You asked, moving to stand but Joel held you in place. “Can I see her? I need to see her…”

“That’s probably not a good idea right this minute sweetheart,” Joel said. He sounded so calm.

“I need to see my daughter,” you looked at him, heart racing again. “You can’t… she’s my daughter, I need to see her, you can’t just keep me from her, she…”

“Not keeping you from her,” Joel cut you off. “But it sounds like she’s hurtin’ right now…”

“So you need to let me see her!” You yelled and Ellie’s eyes got wide, glancing quickly to the back door. “If she’s hurt I need to take care of her, she’s my child she’s not…”

“I know,” Joel said. “Physically, she’s fine. She’s upset, her feelings are hurt. Goin’ after her right this second might just make things worse. Think you need to give her some space.”

“I’ll look out for her,” Ellie said quietly. “I’m sure she’ll get over it quick but… I’ll look out for her. At least for tonight, Bambi. She’s… It’s like how I was with Joel. If you push her too far she might not stay with us and I don’t know if we could stop her if she decided to go, she’s stubborn as hell.”

“She’s OK,” Joel said, his hands still firmly on your shoulders. “She’s safe, she’s with Ellie. She’s alright.”

You just nodded and tried to breathe through it. Joel turned Ellie, still holding onto you. You were thankful for that, his hands a grounding force that were holding you inside yourself. It seemed like you might split into disparate beings without him.

“Why don’t you get on back, baby girl,” he said to Ellie. “Take some of the leftovers from the fridge, keep an eye on her. Don’t let her go anywhere alone, OK?”

“Yeah,” she said. “I will. I’ll take care of her, Bambi. I really will.”

You nodded again and closed your eyes, listening as Ellie gathered things from the kitchen, the back door slamming behind her. You took a deep, shaky breath and opened your eyes again, lashes wet.

“Joel,” you said, voice thick.

“Gonna hold you,” he said gently. “That OK?”

You trembled and nodded and he pulled you against his broad chest and you collapsed against him, sobbing so hard you couldn’t breathe.

“You’re alright,” he said gently, one thick arm looping around your waist, the other going around your shoulder so his hand could cradle your head to him. “She’s OK, you’re both alright…”

You clung to him, your arms snaking up his back, fingers clutching so hard at his shoulder blades that part of you was worried you were hurting him but you couldn’t make yourself stop. It was a struggle to breathe through your tears, gulping in air that smelled like Joel’s skin and cedar and laundry soap. It was like your body forgot to be afraid of him now, so desperate for something to hold on to that it didn’t matter anymore.

His hand traced a slow, soft pattern from your hair down your spine before starting over again and you felt his lips press into the crown of your head, lingering there as you shook in his arms.

“Shhh,” he soothed, starting to rock you gently. “S’alright. I’ve got you and her, you’re alright.”

He said it over and over and you concentrated on the rise and fall of his chest, the smell of his skin, the gentle motion of him. Eventually, you quieted, hiccuping as your tears slowed and your breaths caught up with your body. His rocking slowed, too, but he kept holding onto you, his nose nestled in your hair until your grip on him loosened and he relaxed as you sat back from him.

“You with me?” He asked gently, one hand still loosely on your arm. He went to take his hand back but you caught it and he froze.

“I’m sorry but…” You fought to not hyperventilate again. “If… can you…”

“Do whatever you want with me, sweetheart,” he said and you nodded, moving so you were tucked against his side and your head was on his chest. He sat, stock still, as you guided his arm around your waist and you pressed yourself closer. It felt better with him here like this. He’d brought Savvy home, he’d take care of her, you could trust that. You could trust him.

“What happened?” He asked quietly after you’d settled against him.

“She found out that we were together,” you said, your voice raw. “And she just… she thinks I forgot about her, that I was just here and happy with you the whole time she was out there alone and…”

“You didn’t tell her what happened to you?” He asked softly.

“No,” you shook your head into his chest.

“Baby…”

“She’s 15,” you said softly. “She doesn’t know how bad it is out there, she didn’t grow up with shit like girls before, she never had to learn to be afraid of men. I still remember the first time a grown man grabbed my ass when I walked by and I was 13 and I don’t… she doesn’t need to know about all that, Joel. I don’t want her to know about that and I don’t want her to look at me and think about that, she can’t…”

“She should know that you tried,” he said, his hand going in a slow, easy path from your shoulder to your elbow. “She should know that you fought for her.”

“I don’t want her to know,” you whispered, tears slipping from you again even though it seemed like you shouldn’t have any more left in you. “Please, I can talk to her some other way, please don’t tell her, please…”

“Won’t tell her,” he said gently. “S’OK Bambi.”

You remembered the look on her face this morning, the anger and the hurt there and you pressed a strangled sob into Joel’s chest as he held you closer.

“She hates me,” your voice shook. “And I don’t blame her, I should’ve tried harder, I gave up on her, I let him lie to me and…”

“You did everything you could,” Joel cut you off. “And you protected her. She was alone out there but she survived because you let her escape and you taught her what she needed to know so she could live. You did everything you could, baby, everything.”

You nodded, even though you didn’t really believe it, and curled in on yourself, your whole body against him now.

“Can I stay here tonight?” You asked softly. “I don’t want to be far from her, I can’t…”

“Course,” Joel said. “I’ll go make up the bed for you, you can stay there, I’ll take the couch…”

“No,” you shook your head. “No, I want to be down here, if she comes inside…”

“OK,” he said gently. “Want me to stay with you?”

“Please,” your fingers tangled in his flannel.

“OK,” he said again. He just held you for a while before getting some blankets and a pillow out of a cupboard you didn’t remember holding them before and you realized it had been almost half a year since you’d been in Joel’s house. Things about it had changed. So much time had passed but really, none at all. Joel got you water and made you drink two tall glasses of it and eat an apple before he stretched out on the couch and you folded yourself in around him. It had been months but your body still remembered how to wrap around his to sleep, where your head fit best against his chest, how your leg best hitched over his, how his arm draped over you.

“I can’t lose her, Joel,” you whispered into the dark. “I can’t, not again. I have to fix this.”

“It’ll be OK,” he said, his fingers trailing over your bicep. “She’ll understand. Don’t give up, it’ll be OK.”

The next morning, Ellie came to the kitchen with the excuse of needing tea and found you and Joel still asleep on the couch. She assured you that Savvy was still there and had asked to stay for a while. Ellie had already said yes.

“Thank you,” you said quietly, head still fuzzy from sleep and the emotional turmoil the night before.

“I’ll go talk to her,” Joel said as Ellie headed out. You opened your mouth to fight him on it but he held up a palm, silencing you. “Just to lay down some ground rules. Not gonna tell her she needs to go back to yours or tell her anything about what happened to you. Just gotta set some expectations, that’s all. OK?”

“Yeah,” you nodded. “Yeah, OK…”

He got you more water and draped the blanket around your hunched shoulders before he went back to Ellie’s. It felt like he was gone an eternity before he came back, settling in beside you on the couch again. His hand found the middle of your back, moving over you in slow, soothing circles.

“She’s still pretty pissed,” he said softly. You nodded. “Told her she can stay as long as she wants but no boys spending the night, needs to go to school every day and show me her progress, she’s gotta eat three meals a day and be in for the night by 9 every night.”

You nodded, your fingers knotting and twisting together.

“OK,” you said. “That’s… that’s good, she’ll go for that, I think.”

“Seemed receptive,” he said. “She’s a good kid, raised her right. She’ll come around. It’ll be OK.”

You nodded and pressed your face into his shoulder, letting his soft flannel soak up your tears yet again.

It was the start of a new kind of friendship with Joel. You came by every day now after you were done at the stable, Joel giving you a report on Savvy, both what she told you and how she seemed. He said he was trying to gently nudge her into talking to you again but she got worked up when you were mentioned.

“Don’t push her,” you said after you’d been in this strange limbo with your daughter for two weeks. You’d hardly slept or eaten and you could feel yourself starting to almost seep out of your body, little pieces floating away into the ether the longer you were separated from her when she was so close. You wondered how Joel had survived it as long as he did with Ellie. “I don’t want to hurt her any more than I have…”

“Should think about telling her, Baby,” Joel said softly.

“I know you think so,” you said, arms crossed tight over your chest. “But… I can get her back without that, she doesn’t… she doesn’t need all that in her head, Joel, she doesn’t.”

He nodded slowly and sighed as you headed back to your cold, almost empty house.

When it had become clear that Savvy wasn’t going to come home in just a day or two, you’d gone to where the working dogs of Jackson lived and asked to bring Gattling home with you. You’d been so excited to see her once you could actually wrap your head around the fact that she’d come back with Savvy, too, but she’d always been a working dog. She was used to having something to do all day everyday and you knew she’d be happier helping on guard duty or protect the livestock with regular visits from you and Savvy. Now, though, you picked her up on your way home so you wouldn’t be alone.

That was an adjustment, too. Gattling was cagey around you when she first came to Jackson, skeptical of you even though she clearly remembered you. But she’d warmed up to you again now and greeted you with a wagging tail every night. She followed you obediently around your house and curled up next to you in bed, sighing her heavy dog sighs as she settled in to sleep and you thought that this was what life had been for your daughter for the past four years. Having no one but her horse and her dog because you’d left her to fend for herself in the wilderness.

It took until November for you to feel at all adjusted to this new way of things with Savvy. You saw her in the mess hall, scheduling your day so that you had the best chance at seeing her in the morning or the evening, just to catch a glimpse of her and see that she was whole and happy. You tried to catch her eye and hoped she’d do something besides glare at you eventually, that you’d be able to actually talk to her at some point. It hadn’t happened yet.

But you couldn’t let yourself completely break down into nothing.You knew that. So you started trying to eat something and tried to do beyond the bare minimum in your day. Julie came by in the afternoon and you took a walk. You talked to Joel about something outside of Savvy. You even played your guitar - though you made the mistake of playing Sweet Child of Mine and dissolved into tears, Gattling licking your face and whimpering as you lay curled on the cool wood of your living room floor.

You’d found a semblance of a life again, taking comfort in knowing that Savvy was alive and healthy, even if you didn’t get to hear her voice or see her smile. You were focusing on that in the afternoon when you heard Ellie coming toward the stables, her voice oddly chipper and friendly, odd enough that you frowned and watched the doors as she came in, hoof pick in your hand as you worked on shoeing a horse.

“Stables are here,” Ellie said, leading a man who had to be close to Joel’s height inside. “You’re starting up patrol and if you end up in the regular rotation, you’ll probably be here a lot and you’ll get assigned a regular horse to take out. I usually go on Shimmer… Oh, that’s Bambi, she runs the place.”

The man turned so that you could see his face and you froze, grip on the pick tightening.

You were surprised you hadn’t recognized him from behind. You always thought you’d know him immediately, sense when he was even remotely close to you. But he’d made it here, to the heart of Jackson, into your stables, and you hadn’t known. You’d heard that someone had come in with a patrol the week before but you hadn’t heard a name or seen anyone new in town since then. You weren’t worried about it, you had enough else on your mind without concerning yourself with a new arrival.

But you should have been. You should have been very worried.

“Bambi,” Ellie smiled brightly, leading the newcomer toward you. You lowered Ares’ hoof slowly to the ground and shifted the hoof pick to your left hand, holding it so tight you were sure your knuckles were white. “This is Cody, he’s going to start out on patrol soon, he’s going out with Joel soon…”

He stood there, looking at you, his jaw tight for a moment. After what felt like a small eternity, he held out his hand.

“Bambi, is it?” He asked. “Nice to meet you.”

You didn’t take his hand. The thought of touching him turned your stomach.

“Ellie,” you said, not taking your eyes off him. “Shimmer is out in the paddock, do me a favor and take her around once, make sure she’s walking OK after I shoed her and bring her in.”

“What?” Ellie laughed a little. “I’m kind of in the middle of…”

“It can wait,” you snapped, still watching him. “I can introduce him to a horse, do what I’m telling you to do.”

“Alright, Jesus,” she muttered, stomping off to obey. Cody watched her go before turning to you.

“Good to see you,” he smiled a little. “Wasn’t sure if you’d actually made it…”

He moved to close the gap between you and you stepped back on instinct, your heart beating so fast it drowned out the sound of his voice. You could remember exactly how he felt inside of you, how his breath felt on your skin, the self righteous look on his face because he thought he was better than the others because he didn’t get off on hurting you. Your head spun.

“Stay the fuck back,” you hissed, adjusting your grip on the hoof pick.

He frowned. “Why? Come on, you know I’m not dangerous…”

“Like fuck I know that,” you snapped. “You’re just as dangerous as the rest of them. What, are you here to do recon?”

“No,” he snapped. “I left.”

“Good for you,” you said. “Stay the fuck away from me.”

“Don’t think that’s the way you want to talk to the guy who saved your life,” he said, eyes narrowing. “Feel like you owe me a little more than that…”

“Don’t owe you a goddamn thing,” you said. “Didn’t kill you that night. Far as I’m concerned? Life for a life, we’re even.”

That was a lie but he didn’t need to know that. You wished you could bring yourself to kill him but you didn’t think you could. He had saved your life, had been kinder to you than most of Mitchum’s men even if he had hurt you. You weren’t sure if he deserved to die, you didn’t think you could handle killing him.

“Hardly counts as even,” he said, taking a step toward you. “You know I wasn’t like them, you know I was different…”

Another step and something inside you snapped. It didn’t matter that you were in Jackson, that he had saved your life by getting you away from Mitchum, Cody was a threat. You knew what he was capable of and he was here with you and your daughters.

You met him in the middle, catching him off guard. He moved to touch you in some way - hug you, grab you, you weren’t sure - and you threw your left arm over his throat, your right into his chest, shoving him back against a stall, putting one knee between his legs so you could hit him in the groin if he tried to move and pressed the tip of the dirty hoof pick to his throat.

“What the fuck!” He yelped, his chest heaving.

“Gonna give you this one warning,” you said through clenched teeth. “You stay away from me, you stay away from my girls. I catch you even glancing their way, let alone talking to or touching one of ‘em? I will rip your goddamn throat out, do you understand me?”

“How am I supposed to know who your girls…”

“Any girl here,” you seethed. Your stomach turned at your body being so close to his but you forced yourself to stay on him, keep the pick pressed to his throat. “But Ellie and the girl she lives with? They’re mine and if you think the fact that I owe you my life would save you if you touched them, you got another thing comin’.”

You heard the scrape of the door and you stepped back from him, chest heaving, lowering the pick. He stayed back against the stall, his eyes wide and darting from you to the door.

“She’s walking fine,” Ellie said, leading Shimmer in from the paddock. “Don’t know why you were worried, anyone knows how to shoe a damn horse around here, it’s you.”

She put Shimmer in her stall and went toward Cody but you stepped in front of her, putting your arm out to keep her behind you. Cody’s eyes narrowed.

“What…” Ellie began but you cut her off.

“You supposed to show him anything else?” You asked, not looking back at her and keeping your eyes on Cody.

“Just here,” she said. “How the stables work, shit like that. But…”

“I think he’s fine from here,” you cut her off again. “Why don’t you go to the school, walk Savvy home.”

“Bambi?”

“Go, Ellie,” you snapped.

“Fine, Jesus,” she muttered just as Joel came in and she ducked around him. Your eyes darted his way but you looked back at Cody almost immediately, not willing to let him out of your sight. You saw Ellie go out of the corner of your eye, keeping Cody pinned to where he was with your gaze. Your grip was still tight on the pick.

You could feel Joel’s eyes on you as he moved slowly to stand at your back. You could feel him there, close behind you at your shoulder, the heat and strength of him there.

“Everything alright here?” He asked, his voice deep, empty of the warmth you’d come to associate with him.

“Fine,” Cody said, his eyes darting up to Joel before going back to you.

“He was just leaving,” you said. “Weren’t you.”

He just looked at you for a long moment.

“Yeah,” he said eventually. “I was.”

“Better get moving then,” Joel said, dark and dangerous, like every word was a threat.

Cody kept his eyes on Joel then, slowly moving around you, staying out of arm’s reach until he had a clear path to the door. Only then did he turn his back to you, putting his hands in his pockets and closing the door behind him.

The second he was gone, the pick slipped from your fingers and hit the concrete of the stable floor with a clatter. You couldn’t breathe. It took you a moment to realize you were shaking, your heart racing. You clutched at your chest and stumbled to the stall you’d thrown Cody into, collapsing against it as you struggled to get enough air.

Here. Cody was here, in Jackson. He knew you, he knew where you were, he’d been with Ellie, he was where Savvy was…

“Bambi,” Joel’s hands were on you, one at your ribs and the other taking yours, his thick, long fingers closing around your own completely. “Gotta breathe for me, baby, gotta breathe through it…”

You just nodded and tried to listen but it wasn’t working.

“Here,” he said, guiding your hand to his chest and holding it there. “Match me, OK? Gonna push everything out first…” you exhaled with him, nodding as you did. “Now in.”

He breathed in slow and deep and you tried to keep pace with him, focusing on how he felt next to you, his heartbeat below your hand, the warmth of his body.

“Talk to me,” he said once your breaths had slowed and your shaking had eased. He stopped holding your hand to his chest but you left it there, holding onto him. “What’s wrong, what did he do? He touch you?”

“No,” you shook your head, taking a deep, shaky breath. “No, he didn’t touch me. It’s fine, it’s OK…”

“He did something,” Joel said and you looked up at him, into those soft, brown eyes that had been home for so long and you missed him. You missed him so much you thought your chest might crack open with it, the ache in your heart too big to be contained by your skin and ribs. You missed how safe you felt with him, how much he felt like home. You moved slowly, cautiously, until your arms were looped around his waist. He hesitated and then he was enveloping you, clutching you close and tight and you could hear his heart racing in his chest. You felt his lips and nose brush the top of your head before he tucked you below his chin, his large hand cradling your skull as though you were some precious, treasured thing.

“Talk to me,” he said again, quietly, holding you closer. “What’d he do? You can tell me, I’ll handle it…”

“Nothing that you can handle,” you said, your voice thick.

“Watch me.”

“Joel,” you nuzzled closer to him and breathed deep.

“Tell me,” he said. “Let me help you, take care of you. Please.”

You just held onto him, focusing on him as he swayed just a little with you, almost like you would rock a restless child.

“He one of them?” He asked eventually, deathly quiet.

You pulled back from him ever so slightly, looking up into his eyes and you watched the warmth slip away from them as he answered the question for himself.

“I’ll kill him.”

“No,” you shook your head, holding him tighter. “No, you can’t…”

“Why,” he was straining to stay calm, you could feel it in his body. “Don’t matter that he’s here, I’ll kill him in the street like the goddamn animal he is…”

“He saved my life,” you said. “He… he hurt me but I wouldn’t be here without him, he got me out, I owe him my life, I can’t… he can’t die because of me. I told him he needs to stay away from Ellie, from Savvy…”

“Baby,” he breathed holding your face in his hand and you closed your eyes, trying to stay focused on him and not lose yourself to the panic that was still at the edges.

“I’ve handled it, Joel,” you said after a moment, opening your eyes. He was still watching you intently. “If he tries something with them I’ll kill him myself but you can’t kill him, Joel. Not now. He can’t die because of me, not after he saved my life. I can’t live with that. Please.”

He sighed and pulled your head into his chest, his cheek pressing into you.

“Won’t kill him,” Joel said. “But I should. And I swear to God he even glances at you or the girls I will rip him apart. I’m sorry, baby, but I will.”

You just nodded into his chest and he held you close and you wished you had one of his shirts again so you could wrap yourself in the scent of him and keep his warmth and safety close when he left.

Ares’ large head nudged your shoulder and he huffed and you laughed, separating from Joel enough to see him there, one hoof off balance from the others.

“Right,” you laughed and sniffed a little. “I was shoeing you before we were interrupted, wasn’t I?”

His head bobbed once in what you’d call a nod if you didn’t know better and you dried your cheeks with the back of your sleeve, separating from Joel and picking the hoof pick up from where you’d dropped it in your panic.

“Thank you,” you said to him quietly.

“Course.”

“Not just for this,” you said. “For everything the last few weeks. With Savvy. I don’t… I don’t know if I could have gotten through it on my own and…”

“Always gonna look out for you,” Joel said. “Doesn’t matter if we’re not… Always going to take care of you how I can.”

You nodded and he cleared his throat awkwardly, looking to the side at nothing.

“Should probably get back,” he said. “I was just passin’ by, thought I’d… I dunno, say hi. Or… somethin’. Didn’t have any business here… Anyway. I’ll see you tonight, give you the Savvy update after I check in with her.”

You nodded again and he gave you a sad, tight smile before leaving you to your work.

***

It took everything Joel had inside himself to not go find Cody and kill him.

He’d seen the man a few times as he was introduced around town and he’d seemed decent enough. Tommy had been encouraged by his shooting test results, happy to have another skilled man out on patrol.

Fuck, how was he supposed to let this man come back from patrol alive?

He’d hurt you. He terrified you, that much was clear. Joel wasn’t sure he wanted the details of what Cody had done to you but, whatever they were, Joel wanted to do at least ten times that to him. He wanted to do more than kill him. He wanted to feel the life leave his body and know that he’d made it happen. He wanted to hear him hurt, he wanted to make him beg. He wanted him to be helpless and at his mercy and he wanted him to know why. That his actions had brought his pain, that he was only receiving what he was due.

But he couldn’t hurt you.

It seemed like you were finally, maybe, starting to trust him again. You’d slept on him the night Savvy came to Ellie’s, you’d wanted him to hold you today. It was like you were finding comfort instead of fear with him now. He couldn’t hurt you, especially not now.

Joel showered when he got home, changing out of his shirt and putting on a clean one. If you did think he was safe, if the way you calmed when your face was against his chest was any indication, he might be able to help you this way, too.

The girls were home before he was and he went to Ellie’s, the music inside loud enough that he could hear it through the door. He knocked once and he heard a high pitched giggle before Ellie called for him to come in.

Savvy was laying broadside on Ellie’s bed, her head dangling over the side of it, her curls brushing the ground, a comic book laying across her chest. Ellie stretched to turn down her boombox, a notebook open on her lap.

“Hi Joel,” she said in her lightly teasing tone. “Here to do the daily old man check in?”

“What can I say,” he replied. “I’m a creature of habit.”

“Well, I helped out at the mess hall this morning,” Ellie said. “Getting ready to go out on patrol with Dina in a few days…”

“First overnight patrol without me,” Joel nodded. “Still feelin’ OK?”

“It’s getting cold, probably won’t even see any infected,” she said. “And haven’t seen shit for other trouble lately. Think we can handle some scary deer and shit.”

“Don’t get cocky,” Joel cautioned, though he smiled a little all the same. “But I think you’ll do just fine.” He turned to Savvy. “And how about you?”

She sighed and he was reminded for the millionth time since Savvy had moved in with Ellie of Sarah. It hurt less now, looking at her. He was sure it was sharper because she was only a year older than Sarah had been when he lost her, her hallmarks of teenage independence the same as any other teenager’s, including his daughter’s.

“Still hate math,” she said. “It’s boring. Why do I need to know how to calculate stuff like that? Maybe it was important before but it’s useless now.”

“Need people who can do math to help build and maintain things around here,” Joel said. “Afraid that means you have to study it.”

“Ms. Parker says I’m catching up,” she said. “I borrowed a new book, Catcher in the Rye…”

“She talked to a boy,” Ellie drew out the last word, smirking.

“Ellie!” Savvy shot up, twisting herself around on the bed so she was facing Joel and Ellie. She grabbed the pillow at the head of the bed and threw it at Ellie, who caught it and laughed. “Shut up!”

“Boy, huh?” Joel asked, treading lightly. His hand clenched into a fist at his side anyway. “Boy from school?”

Savvy sighed and nodded and Joel’s fist relaxed. A boy from school, not a new man in town.

“His name is Kyle,” Ellie teased.

“Ellie!” Savvy hissed, eyes wide. “Shut up!”

“Long as he’s a nice boy,” Joel said, trying to picture a kid in town named Kyle. “Respectful. All that.”

“He’s fine,” Ellie said, serious now. “Kind of a dork but fine.”

“Shut up,” Savvy said again, more pouty this time. “I think he’s cute.”

“Well you and your bad taste can have him,” Ellie shrugged.

“Thank you,” Savvy said, smug, relaxing a bit onto the bed and picking up the comic book that had fallen to the side. “But that’s all. Not much to report.”

Joel nodded slowly.

“Good. Just… One more thing. Need you girls to do me a favor.”

Savvy just nodded but Ellie frowned, her eyebrows knitting together. Joel took a deep breath.

“Need you girls to stay away from that new man in town,” he said. “His name’s Cody. He tries to talk to you, come tell me or your mom…”

“Why?” Ellie’s frown deepened. “What happened?”

“Just tryin’ to be safe,” Joel said. “Don’t know him yet, you’re both young. Want to make sure you’re protected is all.”

Savvy just shrugged and nodded, already getting distracted by the comic book. Ellie was still frowning.

“Ellie.”

“Sure,” she said eventually. “Yeah, I guess.”

“Good,” he nodded. “You girls behave. Let me know if you go out, OK?”

“OK,” Savvy said, flopping back down on the bed and holding the comic book over her head.

Joel turned to leave and the volume on the boombox went back up but Ellie caught his arm as soon when he wasn’t even half way back to the house. He frowned, looking down to her.

“What’s up baby girl?”

“What’s wrong with Cody,” she said more than asked.

“Ellie…”

“It’s something,” she said. “I’m not a fucking idiot, Joel. Bambi practically kicked me out of the stable today, you’re telling me to stay away from him… what’s the deal.”

He sighed and tightened his jaw.

“Bambi’s come across him before,” he said eventually. “Doesn’t trust him. Best for you girls to stay away for now.”

She watched him for a moment, skeptical.

“You gonna let him live?” Ellie asked eventually.

Joel could have hugged her, his daughter so like him in this way, for better or for worse.

“For now,” he said. “She doesn’t want him dead so, for now, he keeps breathin’. On thin ice, though.”

Ellie nodded.

“I’ll look out for Savvy,” she said, turning to go back inside before turning back to Joel. “I think you should kill him. And if I see him try to fuck with either of them? I’ll do it myself.”

She didn’t give him a chance to respond, just going back in, Joel hearing a laugh from from just beyond the door before he headed home himself.

You came by a few hours later, seeming much more like yourself when you did. He gave you the rundown and you seemed happy about Savvy talking to a boy, something that made Joel raise his eyebrows.

“No, Ellie’s right, I’ve seen him around, he’s kind of a dork,” you smiled a little. “Harmless kid. But… I want that for her, you know? Want her to have someone she can have a crush on and feel giddy about…” You looked, longingly, out the window to the backyard.

“She’ll talk to you about it,” Joel said. “Once she figures herself out. She’ll tell you.”

You nodded and smiled tightly at him and went to leave when he stopped you.

“I… uh…” he awkwardly cupped the back of his neck, not entirely sure what to do with his hands. “Earlier, at the stable… I know, back before, you liked the coat and things because of the smell and… anyway.” He picked up the shirt he’d changed out of just before you came over, the one he’d put on clean that afternoon, and handed it to you. “Thought… seemed like it might be helpful again. Wanted to help, if it was.”

You took the folded shirt and watched him as you lifted it, slowly, to your nose before you closed your eyes and breathed deep before you clutched it to your chest, crossing your arms tightly over it.

“You gonna be OK over there?” He asked. “Can always stay here if you’re worried…”

“I can’t let him drive me out of my house,” you shook your head. “Besides. Got Gattling. She’ll rip his throat out and save me the trouble.”

“If you change your mind,” he said. “Can always come over here.”

You nodded and held the shirt a little tighter.

“Thanks, Joel,” you said. “I appreciate it.”

He hardly slept that night, staring up at the ceiling, remembering the fear on your face the second Cody was gone. How you’d trembled and cried, how you were reduced to that much fear by his presence.

It didn’t matter what Cody had done for you, Joel was going to take care of it. Saving your life didn’t forgive his sins. He couldn’t have a man like that here with you, with Ellie and Savvy. He was going to take care of it.

Joel beat you to the stables that morning and you frowned when you walked up, hands in the pockets of your jacket. He could just see a hint of the plaid flannel of the shirt he’d given you the night before peeking out over the collar.

“You’re usually not this much of an early riser,” you said, letting the two of you into the stable. “Patrol doesn’t leave for another hour…”

“Figured I’d get the horses,” he said.

“Joel.”

“Not lettin’ him near you,” he said. “Not if I can do something about it.”

You just nodded and started getting Ares and Cassiopeia ready. Joel took over Ares, giving the horse a good scratch behind the ears as he worked.

“You should take Ares,” you said, adjusting the saddle on the mare. “He’s harder to control, I have no idea about… about his abilities. Can’t risk a horse getting hurt because a rider isn’t up to snuff and on an animal that’s too powerful for him.”

“I’ll make sure I bring your horses back alright, Bambi,” he said gently, watching as you busied yourself, checking buckles more times than you normally would.

When you handed him the reins, your fingers lingered on his palm.

“You can’t kill him,” you said quietly, all but begging him with your eyes. “Please. I can’t have that on my conscious…”

“Not gonna kill him,” Joel said, reaching out slowly, cautiously, to cup your cheek. You closed your eyes and pressed against his palm and he had to resist the urge to kiss you. “I’ll bring him back in one piece. Promise.”

You nodded against him and he led the horses outside and waited for Cody to arrive.

Joel had to fight to be civil to the man. He introduced himself, apologized for the awkwardness the day before as the two of them made their way outside the walls of town.

“Really not sure what got into her,” he laughed after he and Joel had been riding for a few hours and were taking a break, getting ready to turn around and head back. “Know her well? Bambi, think they said her name was?”

Joel shrugged.

“Really not trying to get on people’s bad side this early,” he said and Joel could see how he’d lasted as long as he had in town. He was easy going, charming. It was hard to picture him running with raiders. “Never found a place quite like Jackson, don’t want to spoil it too soon.”

“Don’t get comfortable,” Joel said, resting a hand on the pistol at his side. “You won’t be stayin’ long.”

The man frowned.

“What…”

“Know who you are,” Joel said, straining to keep his voice calm as he stepped closer. He only had about two inches on Cody and he was at least a decade older but that didn’t matter. If it came down to a fight, Joel knew who would win. “Know what you did. You ain’t stayin’ in Jackson.”

Cody’s confused face turned angry and entitled and Joel could see him as a raider now. The switch flipped quickly from charismatic man who could talk his way into places into one who wasn’t bothered by hurting and killing to get what he wanted.

“I don’t know what she told you but…”

“Didn’t need her to tell me,” he said. “Knew from how she was looking at you. You’re one of ‘em and you hurt her.”

“No,” he snapped. “No, I never fucking hurt her, I was always careful, never was like what they were…”

“You really think that matters?” Joel asked, his voice flat. He tried not to think about what he used to be, the things he used to let happen. “Think it makes a damn difference to me?”

Cody lunged for him, trying to punch Joel in the face but he dodged him easily. Joel shoved the other man to the ground before catching his shoulder with his boot, forcing him onto his back. Joel dropped to one knee, putting it in the middle of Cody’s chest and yanking his gun from the holster, tossing it over by the horses before looking down at him, his head cocked to the side as the man’s hand scrambled over Joel’s leg, clawing for some weakness he wouldn’t find.

“Can’t just kill me,” he panted up at him eventually. “They’ll know…”

“They wouldn’t,” Joel shook his head. “Just say we ran into infected, you got bit, had to shoot you. Unfortunate loss but the merciful way to go. Hell, they’d even console me for havin’ to do it. No, killing you’d be easy. But I’m not gonna do that.”

“Bullshit,” he hissed. “Just do it, get it over with.”

“Nah,” Joel shook his head, clenching his jaw for a moment. He had to remind himself that he couldn’t kill Cody. It didn’t matter how good it’d feel to pull pain from his body, to watch him scream and beg, he’d promised you. “If I was going to kill you, it’d be slow. Painful. Only get to kill you for what you did once, better be damn sure I’m gonna enjoy it. I’d enjoy it plenty with you.”

“You’re a monster,” he managed through gritted teeth.

Joel shrugged.

“Maybe. But I’m her monster. And she asked me not to kill you. Said you got her out so she owes you her life. This is her repaying that, understand? If it were up to me, you’d be dead today. But that’s not what she wants.

“So here’s whats going to happen,” he continued. “We’re gonna ride back to Jackson like nothing happened at all. You’re gonna stay in town for two days and you’re gonna talk to people. You’re gonna be restless, you’re gonna say you miss being outside. Two days after we get back, you leave with what you came with, no more. You’ll go far away from here and you won’t tell a single goddamn soul about our town or about her. I catch you so much as looking at her or our daughters? I’ll kill you in the middle of town, I don’t give a shit. When you go, you’ll stay gone. Ever come back? I’ll kill you. I find out you told anyone about where she is? There ain’t a corner of this planet you’ll be able to hide from me. I will hunt you down like a fuckin’ dog and you’ll wish I killed you now, just the way I want to. I bein’ clear?”

Cody just glared at him and Joel sighed before grabbing a fistful of the man’s hair, forcing him to look him in the eye.

“I asked you a question,” Joel said, leaning in close. “Did I make myself clear?”

“Yes,” he hissed through clenched teeth.

“Repeat it.”

“I leave in two days,” he said. “And don’t breathe a word.”

Joel released his hair.

“Good,” he said. “Don’t want to hear another goddamn sound from you the rest of the day unless it’s warnin’ me about infected because I’m taking your fuckin’ guns. And you best keep her name out of your goddamn mouth the next two days or I’ll make you regret it. Understood?”

He nodded once and Joel lifted his knee from his chest before hefting him to his feet.

“On your fuckin’ horse,” he said. “Move.”

The rest of patrol was, at least, easy. Joel spent most of it keeping an eye on Cody but did notice signs of a large group of infected moving through somewhat recently, most likely migrating south for the winter. He made a note of it but he doubted it’d be worth following up on this late in the season.

When the two of them got back to town, Cody still looked off balance. Angry, entitled, like he was thinking of picking a fight he wouldn’t win. Joel just took his horse outside the stables.

“Remember what we talked about,” Joel said. “Two days from now and you’re gone or I’ll make you go.”

“Got it,” he seethed, looking murderous. Joel didn’t care.

“Good. Get the fuck out of here.”

You were waiting inside the stables, perched on the side of Perseus’ stall, stroking his neck. You stiffened when Joel came in but relaxed when you realized he was alone. You were wearing his shirt.

“Where’s Cody?” You frowned, coming and taking Cassiopeia’s reins. “Joel, you promised…”

“He’s fine,” Joel cut you off. “Sent him home. Told you I’d let him live so he’s alive. No intent of changin’ that.”

You nodded slowly, starting to take the horse’s tack off.

“Thank you,” you said quietly. “I’m sure that wasn’t easy…”

“It’s your decision,” he replied. “Don’t matter what I want.”

You nodded again and the two of you slowly, methodically stripped down the horses side by side.

Joel saw you catch a glimpse of Cody in the mess hall the next day, he saw the shiver pass through you as you spotted him and all but ran for the doors instead of staying for breakfast. He had to fight the urge to kill him then, knowing how he still hurt you. But he resisted. It should be up to you, he wasn’t about to take that from you.

It was a relief when word spread two days later that Cody had left in the night. He’d even given the guards at the gate a note to pass to the council, saying exactly what Joel had told him to say. That he missed being outside and didn’t feel like Jackson was a good fit, that he’d be no trouble and doubted he’d come back.

“Weird that he’d just leave like that,” Maria said as she, Joel and Tommy sat around her and Tommy’s kitchen table, making sure they had all the coverage they needed for the patrol leaving the next morning. It was going to be a big one, a few groups going out overnight, including Ellie with her friend Dina. “Rough on us, too. He was a solid patrol prospect…”

“Can’t force a man to stay who don’t want to stay,” Tommy shrugged, bouncing William on his knee, trying to settle him. “His spot is open now though… think Bambi would be OK to fill in? Olivia can cover the stable for a few days and that’s one of the easier routes, s’why we were sending the new guy out on it. And it’s with Julie, her and Bambi are friends, right?”

“Doubt she’d mind,” Joel shrugged. William reached and groped for him so he held out a finger and smiled as the toddler wrapped his chubby hands around it. “Been a bit since she was on a patrol.”

“Perfect,” Maria said, noting it in a journal and on a map. “You two go to the lookout to take over for Jesse and Eugene, Ellie and Dina can cover this territory, Bambi and Julie here. One last go round for the big stuff before the snow flies.”

“Assuming we make it back before snow flies,” Tommy said. Maria scoffed. “Bein’ serious, it’s on the way, can feel it.”

“Just because your joints are getting old…” she said and Tommy laughed.

“Don’t start on his age,” Joel said, getting up and stretching. “Don’t even want to think about what that means for mine.”

“You goin’ to the dance later?” Tommy asked. “You and Bambi been looking a bit closer lately…”

“Don’t start on that either,” Joel said. “And figured I’d stay home. Worried I’d cramp Ellie’s style if I went, kid seems pretty damn excited.”

“We can keep an eye on her,” Maria said. “Savvy, too, especially since she’s coming here tomorrow while you and Ellie are patrolling.”

“Appreciate that,” Joel nodded. “See you in the morning?”

“Be there bright and early,” Tommy replied.

Joel took the long way home, pausing outside your house for a moment, checking the status of your woodpile. It would be OK for a bit but he made a plan to come chop more for you, make sure you had a good stockpile before the cold really set in.

Ellie and Savvy had left for the dance before he got home and he took advantage of the quiet. It was chilly but not freezing so he settled on the porch with his guitar, not playing anything in particular. Instead, he was thinking of you.

He wasn’t sure where to go from here. Things felt better than they had in months. You leaned into his touch. You were wearing his shirt. He wanted to let you have control. You deserved that much, at least. He didn’t want to push things or rush you. He didn’t want to push you away but, more importantly, he didn’t want to hurt you. But he missed you. He wanted you back so bad it hurt. He had this underlying fear that he’d never move past this point, this constant longing, no matter what he did. He just didn’t know how to fix it.

Joel lost track of time out there, Ellie and Savvy coming back eventually, Savvy giggling and Ellie’s eyes wide.

“Everything OK kiddo?” Joel frowned as she cut around the house. “Have a good time?”

“Oh she had a great time,” Savvy giggled and Ellie elbowed her, only making her laugh harder.

“It was great,” Ellie said.

“Yeah it was,” Savvy said in a tone that made Joel think of you.

“Shut up,” Ellie hissed and Savvy giggled again. “We’re going to bed, some of us have to get up early.”

“Bet you wouldn’t say that if I were…” Savvy said but Ellie cut her off.

“OK, goodnight Joel!” She said, shoving Savvy playfully toward the back. “See you tomorrow…”

Joel tried not to laugh as he watched the girls dissolve into giggles as they went inside and he shook his head a little before going in himself to make a cup of coffee, something he figured he’d regret when he couldn’t sleep but it sounded too good. But he made the most of it, putting it in his favorite mug, one that Ellie liked to tease him about because of the owl but that just made him like it more.

He wondered if Tommy was right about the snow. He leaned on the railing of the porch, looking up into the dark. The skies were clear and he could see the constellations that you and Ellie both loved so much. He’d been looking for a good telescope for Ellie for years now and nights like tonight made him wish he’d found one by now.

“Hey.”

Joel jumped enough that he was surprised he didn’t burn his hand from the coffee.

You were there, at the base of the stairs, looking up at him with eyes wide and bright. His heart skipped a beat.

“Hey,” he cleared his throat. You were wearing his shirt. You didn’t have on a coat.

“It OK if I come up?” You nodded to the porch.

“Course,” he said. “Always welcome.”

You jogged up the steps, the same one as always squeaking under your feet, and Joel smiled a bit at that. The little sound he’d come to love because it announced your arrival.

“Can I get you a cup of coffee?” He asked. “It’s not bad, all things considered.”

“No,” you said. “Not in the mood, it’d be wasted on me.”

“You go to the dance?” Joel asked after a moment, your body close to his as you leaned against the railing beside him.

You laughed once.

“No,” you said. “Didn’t see much point. Besides, Tommy asked me earlier if I could fill in on patrol because we were down a person so I thought I’d try to rest since that means it’s an early start.”

Joel nodded slowly.

“Didn’t go either,” he said after a moment of quiet. “Girls got back not long ago, though, gigglin’ up a storm. Think they had fun.”

“That’s good,” you said, nodding, too. “I wonder what Savvy thought of a dance… I hated them when I was her age but that’s because my mother made me go. She might love them. It’s hard to know.”

“They’re not for everyone,” Joel said. “But can be fun. I’m sure I’ll get all the details soon, I’ll pass ‘em on when I do.”

“Thanks,” you said, glancing at him for a moment before looking up at the stars again. You were quiet for a moment before you sighed. “Joel…”

He looked at you, your fingers gripping the railing so tight your knuckles were pale.

“Joel, did you kill Cody?” You asked, turning to look at him, still holding the railing tight.

“No,” he shook his head. “No, you asked me not to so I didn’t.”

“So, what, he just disappears two days after you go on patrol together?” You asked, brows raised. “Do you expect me to believe that?”

“No,” Joel shrugged. “But I didn’t kill him. Didn’t hurt him, either. Told him he had to get the fuck out, that he couldn’t come back and couldn’t tell anyone where you were or I would kill him. But he’s alive. Unless he got himself fuckin’ killed since he left but since he made it this far, seems doubtful.”

“Joel…”

“Couldn’t have him here,” Joel said, taking a sip of coffee. “Not with you. Not with our girls. He’s too dangerous. You wanted him to live so he’s alive but he couldn’t stay here, so I handled it.”

You straightened up, looking him in the eye before you stepped closer to him. He waited for you to say something. Say something. Blame him, rail against him, something. But you didn’t.

“What are you doin’ here, Bambi?” He asked softly.

“Couldn’t sleep,” you whispered, so close he could feel the heat of your breath on him.

“Why’s that?” He asked. You reached up slowly, cautiously, and put your arms around his neck. He set his mug on the post of the railing and his hands curled gently around your biceps. You stepped closer still, your body against his now.

“I was thinking about you.”

Your eyes drifted to his lips before going back up to his eyes.

“Can I…”

“You can do whatever you want with me,” he breathed and you nodded before you kissed him softly, slowly. Your lips were gentle and easy on his, so much like he remembered them being. Your whole body slotted perfectly against his, the curves and arches of you melding into him as he wrapped his arms around you to cradle you against him and you deepened the kiss, moaning into his mouth. He damn near whimpered when you pulled back from him, your body still pressed against him.

“Would it be alright if we went inside?” You asked.

“Whatever you want,” he said softly. “Give you whatever you want.”

You just nodded before kissing him lightly, pulling back much faster this time.

“Then let’s go inside.”

He just nodded, guiding you to the door before opening it and welcoming you into his home.

Next Chapter

A/N: EEEEEEEEE THEY'RE FINALLY BACK TOGETHER!

The Joel/Bambi relationship based angst is coming to a close and I think we're all pretty happy about that. Yeah? Yeah. Think we all know what the next chapter will be. Hope you're excited about it because I know I am!

Thanks for being patient while I write this insane chapter. I so appreciate you all for being here and sticking with this story! Love you!

Taglist: @ashleymsnodgrass@planet-marz1@kalea-bane @juneswonderlust@ilovepedro @h-annahayy @starstruckmusiciansartghost@beccerjune@mumma-moonchild@netonetoneto@mellymbee@purplelye@n7cje@flugazi@evyiione@randomhoex@aliengirl99@orcasoul@reds-ramblings@pedropascalsbbg @fupoola @tinypotatothing @knopes-waffles @lilmizmoz @ayamenimthiriel@jenispunk@panda-pascal@sarap-77@flugazi@your-slutty-gf@daniegraceg@partyofone3413@cumberpegg@noisynightmarepoetry.@fifia-writes@grumpygrumperton @srmacaroni @txlady37 @bigboiseason123@ashleyfilm

#fanfic #joel miller x female reader #yearling #joel miller x reader #joel miller x you #joel miller x oc

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larluce · 11 months ago

Text

Merlin as Arthur's familiar/Arthur's shapeshifter falcon AU

@dsabian , @theroundbartable , @theplatanitosqueal , @stressed-but-chill , this part is quite long.

LINK TO THE OTHER PARTS: PART 1 , PART2 , PART 3 , PART 4 (You're here) , PART5

Morgana, Arthur (with Merlin on his shoulder) and Uther having a family dinner. Gwen and other servants enter to serve the food.

Uther: Does the bird really has to be here?

Morgana: Oh, let him be. He's very well behaved. Even more than Arthur.

Arthur: I'm very flattered you think so highly of my manners, Morgana.

Merlin: (chirps)

Morgana: See? He agrees.

Arthur: Shut up, Merlin.

Uther: (thinking) Am I the only one that thinks is weird they treat this animal like a person?

Arthur: (takes a bite of his food) Hum, what is this? A pigeon?

Merlin: (chirps loudly, horrified, and flies away, leaving the room)

Uther: Arthur, control your bird! He left feathers on my food!

Arthur: Sorry father. (worried) He isn't normally like this, I think something upsetted him.

Morgana: Maybe is because you're eating a bird?

Arthur: No, that have never bothered him before and small birds are part of merlins' diet.

Morgana: Wait... (turns to Gwen) Gwen, what type of bird is that on Arthur's plate.

Gwen: I'm not sure... (turns to other servant girl) Gladys, you were with the cook when they prepared the food right? What kind of bird is that?

Servant girl: I don't know, it kind of looked like a falcon but it was too small too be one.

Morgana: You mean like a merlin?

Arthur: (pales) Fuck! (stands up) I'm sorry father. I need to go (leaves)

Morgana: Yeah, me too. It was a nice dinner, your majesty (leaves too)

Uther: But you barely touched your plates! (sighs, to servants) Take this away, and make sure you don't cook merlins for dinner next time, for gods' sake.

In Arthur's chambers. Merlin is in his human form crying, while Arthur and Morgana try to comfort him.

Merlin: He was just two years old!😭 He was barely starting living.

Arthur: (hugs him close, patting his back) I'm so sorry, Merlin.

Morgana: (puts a hand on his shoulder) Are you sure is Claws?

Merlin: I'll recognise him anywhere. (snifs) He had just started his first nest with his mate.

Arthur: Wait, he had a partner? 😧

Merlin: And five little eggs. (breaks the hug abruptly) OMG! I need to tell Brownie what happened to Claws!

Arthur: Go, meanwhile I'll talk to the hunters so this never happens again.

Merlin: (smiles) Thank you, Arthur.(kisses him on the cheek) I'll be back as soon as I can. (turns into a bird and goes flying through the window).

Arthur: (in shock with a hand on his cheek) 😳😳

Morgana: I'll try to get Claws' rests, so maybe we can do him a proper funeral when Merlin comes back.

Arthur: (snapping out of his trance) Right, good idea, Morgana. I'll meet you at your chambers in an hour.

Later. Arthur shouting at the hunters.

Arthur: What were you thinking?!😡

Hunter1: (scared) Bu-but, sire. You told us to get rid of it.

Arthur: Yes, but you were supposed to bury him somewhere in the woods, not get him cooked!

Hunter2: We were going to, but the cook saw us and thought it was todays dinner-

Arthur: I don't want to hear your excuses! (threathening) No one must know about this, specially Merlin, this stays between us. Do you understand?

Hunter1: Yes, sire!

Hunter1: Yeah, we won't mention this to your.. uh.. pet.

Arthur: Now, get out of my sight!

Hunters: Yes, sire! (leave)

Morgana: (enters, in disbelieve and furious) I can't believe you!

Arthur: (turns to her, nervous) Oh, hi, Morgana! 😅

Morgana: Don't "hi" me. You killed Claws! You murderer!

Arthur: You're talking like I've just killed a person. He was just a bird.

Morgana: He was not just a bird to Merlin and you know it! Did you think about how devastated he would feel?

Arthur: He was never supposed to know he died, just that he disappeared!

Morgana: yeah, because that's ten times better, isn't it? Are you even hearing yourself?

Arthur: Morgana, stop. I feel bad enough already.

Morgana: As you must! 5 merlin chicks are without a father thanks to your sick jealousy!

Arthur: (Guilty) I didn't know he had a family. (thoughtfully) How do you compensate a female bird for killing the father of her eggs?

Morgana: Don't. She'd probably just take your eyes out.

Arthur: (sighs) Will you tell Merlin?

Morgana: No, that would just crush him more. Your secret is safe with me.

Arthur: (relieved) Thank you.

Morgana: But you better start acting on your feelings for Merlin before you start killing the entire merlin race!

Later at Claws funeral in the royal garden. Morgana puts Claws bones in a box and Arthur buries it while Merlin watches in grieve.

Morgana: I'm sorry I could only save the bones. The servants tend to eat the royal leftovers.

Merlin: It's okay. If he wasn't eaten his dead would've been in vain. (turns to Arthur) Was he delicious?

Arthur: Ahm... yeah?

Merlin: (smiles, sadly) I'm glad. He was a nice friend. He didn't care I wasn't enterily a bird though he didn't quite understand it.

Morgana: Did you know Arthur thought he wanted to mate with you?

Arthur: (flustered) Morgana! 😳

Merlin: Oh, he did propose me to mate with him once.

Arthur: What?!

Merlin: Yeah, he did the most beautiful flying dance I've seen, but I just couldn't see him like that. So we stayed friends. It surprised me a lot, normally merlins just leave after I reject them, but he never stopped hanging out with me, even when he found his mate.

Arthur: What a nice friend (thinking) That flirtatious bastard.

Merlin: Anyways, I need to go now. Brownie needs me to hunt her food since she's incubating her eggs still and can't leave her nest.

Arthur: (guilty again) Right, send her my condolences.

Morgana: Mine too.

Merlin: (kisses Arthur's cheek again and leaves in his bird form).

Morgana: Well, that went well.

Arthur: Morgana.

Morgana: Yeah?

Arthur: I need to learn how to fly.

#merlin bbc #bbc merlin #merlin #merthur #merlin fanfic #merlin fic #merlin prompt #merthur fic #arthur and merlin #merlin and arthur #merthur prompt #Merlin as Arthur's familiar/Arthur's shapeshifter falcon AU

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hwasoup · 11 months ago

Text

Tale As Old As Time

Playlist !!

art credit: Marbipa

OMG GUYS IM SOSOSO SORRY FOR SUCH A DELAY, COLLEGE REALLY DEVOURED ME IN THE MOMENT. AND TUMBLR REMOVED THE OPTION TO MAKE THE TEXT YELLOW...SO THE COLOR WILL NOW BE ORANGE. However, this is a double update week bc I owe you guys bc of your amazing patience with me!! I hope you guys enjoyed this chapter

like always don't hesitate to lmk if you would like to be tagged:')

prev | next

warnings: talking objects, borderline assault, Canis Lupus

word count: 3.3k

Chapter 4: Dinner is served

However, in the village’s small tavern….

“UGH, WHO DOES SHE THINK SHE IS ?!”

“Uhh Ben, chill out here you’re drunk.” Eddie says, while trying to take away his beer. Ben looks at Eddie extremely furious and annoyed “So? don’t you see that- that woman has messed with the wrong MAN ?!!” Eddie winces at his words a little and says “erm…. sure…let's say that she did.” Ben, who was moping in front of the tavern’s fireplace, takes another swig of his beer. “Dismissed, publicly humiliated, How DARE she! Nobody says NO to ME!” he says in a growl. Eddie sighs and rolls his eyes a bit and cracks his knuckles. “Well, you’re not a bad person... And besides forget her, you have tons of admirers in this tavern anyways” he says with a remark. Ben groans “Ugh, EDDIE LISTEN... My rustic cabin, my latest kill roasting itself on the fire, the children playing with the dogs ...and a pretty wife rubbing my feet…And what does Y/N say?? she says NO” he says throwing his beer into the fire.

The flame bursts a bit startling Eddie, but he proceeds to maintain his composure. “Listen to me ben…listen to the tavern…they’re all here because they’re admirers of you...” One man yells “NOBODY BITES LIKE BEN OR CAN WIN AT CHESS LIKE HIM”

Another man yells “HE CAN EASILY WIN SPIT CHALLENGES” The tavern eventually comes together as they spew out all of their favorite qualities of ben. Especially the women, all of them gushed over his blonde hair, his brawn, his charm, and even his chest hair. (for some reason) Ben’s mood lifts and he smiles as he cheers along with the tavern of the glorification of his achievements and assets. People get together and eventually dance and drink as a small trio plays some music to add more to the cheerful atmosphere. Ben sits beside some ladies and brags about the number of eggs he eats in the morning. “TEN CHEERS FOR BEN RILEY !!” the tavern yells After a while of just fooling around, with a brightened mood Ben sits back in his lavish chair and looks at Eddie “that was very fun, thank you… but how come not a single woman has approached you?” Eddie chuckles and simply scratches his hair “well…I’ve been told I'm either too bored or too clingy .... I have no idea why though...” Ben just stares at him and clears his throat, looking back at the crackling fire.

Suddenly, the joy got sucked out of the room when Mauricio came waddling in tattered clothes, unruly hair, and barefoot. “SOMEONE, PORFAVOR QUE ME AYUDEN!!” The people in the tavern whispered to each other as they stared at him. Mauricio runs towards Ben and other customers in the tavern as he yells “SHE’S LOCKED IN A DUNGEON, EL LO TIENE CAPTIVA !!”

A man asked, “but who?” Mauricio looks at this man with his eyes filled with fear “...who?... WHO?? MY DAUGHTER Y/N< WE HAVE TO GO SAVE HER NOW !!” Ben raises an eyebrow and looks at Eddie as he tries to stifle a laugh, not believing his words. He gets up and approaches Mauricio and pats his back “calm down Mauricio, now tell me… who is it that has Y/N locked in a dungeon?”

“UN MONSTRUO! A BEAST !!”

Crickets could be heard in the entire tavern as it went silent…

The entire tavern bursted into laughter at the idiocy of his words.

“Lemme guess! He’s a huuuggee BEAST.”

“HE’s got an UGLY MOUTH WITH TEETH” Mauricio in his fears nods his head vigorously as he confirms each person’s questions about his so-called ‘beast’. He looks around and trips and falls on the wooden floor “Will you help me?” he asks with tears in his eyes. Ben rubs his chin as he rolls his eyes as he decides to say something sympathetic to him “alright, alright, Mauricio relax, we’ll help” Poor Mauricio looked up with hope in his eyes as he thanked Ben for his courage to step up and help him. It didn’t last too long since he shortly got thrown out of the tavern by the owner due to his “madness.”

Little did he know that Ben was already devising a plan with Mauricio’s plea for help…that may or may not have to do with marrying his daughter.

—----------------------------------------------------------------------------

On the other hand in the Castle..

After what seemed to be a few hours after that nasty confrontation with Miguel, A starving Y/N emerges from her room. She looks around as to see if she would see Miguel, but she ultimately decides that he has very much retired to his room. Wherever it may be. As she walked down the halls, she didn't notice the sound of giggling coming from behind a curtain.

“Miles nooo, stay away”

“Ok but I just wanna hug, Gwen” “Miles, the last time you hugged me, you literally burned my feathers” she says with a sigh. Miles sighs and just pouts “It’s not my fault you got turned into a feather duster, ok?” Gwen rolls her eyes and chuckles at his antics. Miles then looked up as he heard the sound of footsteps and his flame burst a bit more “Hey look !!” he says pointing at Y/N “she emerged !!” He left Gwen in a hurry as he quickly hopped his way to Y/N as he followed her to the kitchen. In the kitchen, Peter was putting Mayday to sleep in the cupboard. Once she fell asleep, Peter closed the cupboard only to spot the cook, who was angrily huffing his stove top with fire as he whined over his cooking going to waste. Peter sighed “shh, come on I just put the little one to sleep, it’s been a long day.” Lyla however hops in and sighs “Honestly, I think she was just being headstrong, I mean...Miguel did say PLEASE” Peter sighs and says, “Really Lyla? you know that Miguel has a temper…and if he doesn’t control it, things won’t work out for him.”

They were interrupted when Y/N walked in. “Hey, you showed up, a little late but that counts!” Peter says. Lyla turns around and greets her “Hello, I don’t think we properly introduced ourselves, I'm Lyla, you already know Peter of course, and in the back over there trying to get everyone in check is Jess and-” Miles butted in the conversation as he smiled at Y/N “and I’m Miles, nice to meet you senorita” he says wiggling his eyebrows. Jess waddled over smiled at Y/N “If you need anything to make your stay more comfortable just tell us honey” “Well ....I am hungry,” Y/N says with a sheepish smile. Peter grins and starts directing the kitchen to quickly cook something up for her. Lyla escorts her to the dining room, while Jess sighs “ok, but we have to be as quiet as possible, or else Miguel will flip. Miles just hops around happily as he says “aw come on, we gotta get Pav here! Actually, Imma go get him” he says as he hops off out the kitchen.

A little while later, Miles came back with a large piano, “come on Pav, you haven’t played for someone in forever!” Pav smiles as he warms up quickly playing his keys “yep i’m all good” Jess walks in and spots him “Please…play quietly” Pav looks at Jess with the biggest stank face he has gave her “oh no yea..sure..softly… are there ANY more tasteless remarks to my artistry?” Jess says no and walks off back into the kitchen. In the dining room, Y/N was quietly sitting until she saw Miles come up to the table with a smile. He signals to Gwen who’s hovering over the window with a mirror to create a form of stage lights. Pavitir is playing his tunes, and Miles looks at her and smiles happily “It is our pride and pleasure that we all welcome you here tonight. Stay seated in your chair as you relax, enjoy what you see, as the dining room proudly presents…. your dinner!” Y/N smiles in amazement at all of the food that has been placed on the table, she had never seen so many foods from different regions in such a long time. If she had to be honest, it was better than the cooking she had seen from the local restaurant back at the village. She was handed a napkin by Miles, and she took it and placed it onto her lap to catch any food that would hypothetically stain her dress and fall to the floor. Each dish was kind enough to explain to her what each dish was. She had some gray stuff, Beef ragout, Chilaquiles, Asopao de Pollo, Arepas, Mofongo, Congri, Tequenos, Tostones, Pupusas, Camarones al ajillo, Quesadillas, and even Enchiladas. She had never tasted such a culinary cabaret in her life before. As Y/N ate, she chatted with Miles for a bit as he told her how it has been 10 years since they had a guest like her. She chatted with Gwen a bit and found out she’s the feather duster that snuck into her suite while she was busy crying to collect the dust that was piling up. She learned that Lyla is actually a relative of Miguel and learned about all the staff as well. Y/N found herself creating a friendly bond amongst the staff as she happily ate to her heart’s delight. Peter came in after a while on his serving cart with some tea for her to drink “one lump or two?” he asked. Y/N giggled “Just one please” She takes a cup and sips it as she sighed in content as the soothing flavor of the tea.

After Y/N ate her fill she clapped in awe “this was wonderful, please give my compliments to the chef!” Jess smiled at her from a distance and looked at her minute and hour hand. “Oh dear, look at the time…it seems to me we should all get some sleep” She approaches Y/N and tries to escort her back. “Oh, but Jess…after such a meal, I can’t just go to sleep, besides it is my first time in such an enchanted castle...” Jess nervously laughed and looked around trying to divert her attention, “oh why who would say such a thing..I mean-” Lyla hopped in and heard what they said “Yyyyyeeeaaa…. totally not enchantteeeddd” she says to Y/N. Jess turns around to look at l

Lyla and muttered “it better not have been you” Lyla looked at her in shock at her accusations and was definitely going to retaliate until Y/N diffused the situation. “Oh guys please…I figured it out myself...” she says with a smile. She then gets up from the chair and approaches the door “I hope you both don’t mind If I look around, if that’s okay” Lyla perked up and hopped to her “wanna tour girlie ?” “AH AH AH…. we can’t let her... She might you know... go someplace else?” Jess says sternly. Y/N giggles as she looks down at Jess’s frown “aww come on, I bet you know a lot about the castle…how about if you tell me all about it?” Jess sighs as she gives in “alright then...” —----------------------------------------------------------------------------

An hour later…

Jess was happily giving her knowledge of the castle, adding her expertise and explaining how old the castle truly was. She gave some stories on how she lived in the castle, as well as her years of service. Y/N looked around in awe as she marveled at each painting and each intricate design of the castle. It might have looked scary at first, but now that she’s taking a closer look. The castle itself is truly beautiful. They passed by a hall of empty armor, each head turning around to take a peek at Y/N, finding her curiosity quite charming. Jess heard the squeaks of the rusty armor and turned around and with a silent hiss “Turn Around”

She looked back to her direction and noticed that Y/N was nowhere to be seen. Jess wanders around until she spots her trying to go up the west wing. “Lyla damnit go stop her !” Lyla notices and hops as quickly as she could to stop Y/N from going any further, Jess running along behind her. The two eventually reach Y/N and stand in front of her making halt gestures. “What’s up there?” she asked. Sheepish smiles were both seen on both women’s faces as they try to make up some excuses.

“Oh nothing there just storage, Rubbish, Dusty, Boring, absolutely nothing in the west wing” Lyla says Y/N chuckles as she was able to trick them and says in a coy voice “Oh so THAT'S, the west wing” Jess groans in frustration and looks at Lyla “nice going idiot...” Y/N keeps on staring up the stairs as she wonders what Miguel is truly hiding in the west wing. The two women then started blabbering as they started to try and convince her to go and see the library. She nods and slowly follows them until she notices that they sped so quickly that they were almost down the hall. She took this opportunity and quickly tiptoed up the stairs and into the West Wing.

The more she went up the stairs, the more she noticed how the hallway had cracks, claw marks, shattered mirror pieces, and broken gargoyle statues. Y/N looked around a little concerned and debated if she should stop. However, her curiosity got the best of her nature, and she kept on going. She eventually made it to the top and walked down a hall to two double doors. “This must be Miguel’s room” she whispered to herself. Y/N looks back behind her just in case Jess followed her but didn’t see anyone. With a deep breath she slowly opened the doors and walked in to see an almost dilapidated room. Everything was broken or at least about to shatter. “Probably from his anger issues” she says softly to herself. After walking inside and looking around she spots a portrait, she slowly approaches it to see claw marks on it. She couldn’t make out who the man painted in the portrait is, but she could tell that he was handsome, but what struck her the most was his piercing crimson eyes.

She then turned around to notice the window completely open and a table with a mirror and a beautiful glowing rose. Amazed at its beauty she took the glass encasing off of the rose and watched how it sparkled, it was mesmerizing. Y/N then reaches a hand to touch the rose but stops as she feels a shadow loom over her. She looked up and gasped in shock to see Miguel. He angrily huffed at her and snarled as he quickly made his way to reach for the rose’s glass encasing and protectively covered it. Miguel then slowly looked at Y/N with such rage in his eyes and blocks her from the rose “Porque Viniste” Y/N slowly stepped back as she raised her arms to protect herself from harm without realizing. “I’m..I’m Sorry” she says softly. Miguel growled and rolled his eyes “Sorry? I warned you to NEVER COME HERE” Y/N flinched and moved back even more “I didn’t mean any harm; I Apologize if I offended you” Miguel enraged clenched his paw into a fist “DO YOU REALIZE WHAT YOU COULD HAVE DONE?” He takes his anger on a broken chair and punches it. “I- No, Please, stop” she said worriedly.

“LARGATE DE AQUI”

Y/N didn’t hesitate and ran out as quickly as she could. Miguel raged and punched anything in his sight that was breakable in his room. His eyes widened as he realized he scared her off again. His heart ached at his own actions, and he lowered his head in shame feeling just awful about himself and worried for her...

Y/N on the other hand has made a run for it and somehow found her coat as she was running down the stairs. Miles was playing chess with Pav and spotted Y/N running “HEY, Y/N!! Where are you going ?!” Y/N looked back at them and fearfully said “Promise or not, I can’t stay here for another minute!” She left the castle and, in a hurry, looked around for the stables and found her dear old Felipe, despite the heavy blizzard that was occurring outside she managed to saddle him up and rode him away and out of the castle grounds into the black forest.

After a while of horseback, she realized that she had no idea where to go, everything was covered in snow. Felipe whinnied and panicked as he fidgeted left and right where to go. Y/N tried to calm the horse down but gasped in terror when realizing there was a pack of hungry and vicious wolves ready to hunt them for their next meal. Felipe regained his control and immediately turned back to the castle’s direction to run away from the wolves. Y/N grasped tightly onto the reins and tried maneuvering Felipe through the woods. The wolves nipped at Felipe’s legs, and he would only run faster. Y/N was hyper focused in getting away that she didn’t completely register the frozen lake in front of her. The two fell in with a splash in the icy water, Y/N kept on holding onto the reins and Felipe quickly swam to the other side, the wolves still following behind. Eventually the other half of the pack caught up to both Y/N and Felipe in the front and spooked them, Y/N fell off the horse’s back and Felipe’s reins got stuck onto a tree branch.

Y/N quickly got up from the snowy ground and found the nearest thick stick that she could find and stood in front of Felipe to help protect him. She swung the stick left and right, battling the canines on her own, but the stick was split in half when one of the wolves' sharp teeth gnawed into it. Y/N stood there in shock not knowing what to do..she was about to get eaten along with her beloved horse. A wolf leaped out of nowhere and took a bite of her coat, throwing her off her balance and making her fall to the ground. She screamed in terror, as another wolf leaped at her ready to bite. Until she heard a loud thud from the wolf’s body and a loud roar. She looked up and saw Miguel who stood beside her and protected her with his large body on top of her. He then jumped away from her leading the wolves far from her reach and fought them on his own, he scratched, bit, he harmed, and almost killed.

The wolves, intimidated by his dominant presence, whimpered and scurried away from him. Miguel let out one final growl until he looked directly at Y/N, his eyes showed relief that she was fine, but quickly rolled behind his head as he weakly fell down onto the cold icy ground. He was bleeding with many bites and scratches from the wolves. He panted heavily as the pain from his wounds slowly enveloped him. Y/N was going to take advantage to run away but stopped…she would be no better than a crude human to leave him out there. He saved her life…and she owed him. She slowly walked away from Felipe and kneeled down to Miguel and whispered. “Hey, I know it hurts…but you have to help me...”

She was able to somehow get Miguel to stand up and mount the horse. His body however limped on it as he was too weak to sit properly on the horse. Y/N bit her lip in worry as she took off her coat and wrapped it over Miguel’s wound.

Y/N slowly united Felipe’s reins from the tree branch and slowly led him back to the castle.

With the beast on his back.

taglist: @cupcakeinat0r , @miguelhugger2099, @mcmiracles, @xxsugarbonesxx,@codenameredkrystalmatrix,@deputy-videogamer,@lxverrings,@miguelzslvtz,@itsameclinicaldepression,,@ricekrisbris,@loser-alert , @thedevax, @uncle-eggy, @m4dyy, @freehentai, @synamonthy, @razertail18, @s0lm1n, @badbishsblog, @faimmm, @keendreamknight, @texanadmirer, @stargirrls, @itzsab

#atsv miguel #miguel o'hara x reader #miguel o'hara #spiderman 2099 #miguel x reader #miguel spiderman #miguel ohara #miguel spiderverse #miguel atsv

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cloudyswritings · 2 months ago

Note

Dear Cousy

Hello! How’s the weather?

I don’t know if your a Minecraft fan but I need to know your opion on Enderman Biology. My brain keeps telling me that as primordial agents of entropy they just DONT have biology but that seems boring and you are the best Spec Bio person I know I need answers

Respectfully Frantic

-Clever-Naming-Convention

As always the weather is cloudy!! I am indeed a Minecraft fan though I’ve never really done biology for it so bear with me!(and sorry for the late reply!)

Let’s get right into it!

Why do Endermen hate water?

So this really puzzled me at first, and I was kinda scratching my head for a bit honestly, until I thought about it a little more.

See the Endermen are supposed to be uncanny, enough like what we know to be familiar and yet unsettling enough to scare us. Fundamentally they’re unlike us.

So I added one and one together and realized that hey, what if Enderment were NOT carbon based lifeforms?

And wouldn’t you know it, when you add water to silicon it creates silica, which , notably, would destroy the organic molecules that silicon can create.

So, to answer the question, Endermen hate water—and take damage from it— because exposure to it literally starts turning them into glass. Really makes you wonder about the end pillars doesn’t it…

Moving on: What do they eat

Despite being found around end ships and end cities, it’s clear our lanky pals didn’t build them. Yet we know they can pick up and move blocks and tend to do so with some frequency in the overworld(and nether). So what’s that about?

We’ve got a couple options here, but my favorite of the bunch is that this is part of how these fellas eat. See it would track that being silicone based life Endermen would need to absorb minerals and such in order to survive, this could by the reason behind why they pick up and then place down blocks.

Essentially they’re absorbing the silicone and other necessary components from those blocks and then setting them aside when they’re done.

Adding to this I also wonder if they might be radiotrophic, that is, using radiation to feed. This is largely based on the ends resemblance to space, which has a much higher amount of radiation than on earth meaning it would be far more viable as an energy source under those conditions

Also some earth fungi do actually use radiation like this, and wouldn’t you know it, they’re generally black because of how they use melanin to safely process said radiation into useful forms.

The Endermen could very well be doing the same thing with a silicon based equivalent pigment.

this would also explain why we never see them eating in game.

Long story short, Endermen use radiation and minerals from blocks they pick up(absorbed through openings in their carapace on their hands) to survive. But cloudy, I hear you asking, what about the chorus fruits? Don’t worry, we’ll get there, and it’ll be far more horrifying than expected.

Next up: Of Men and Mites:

So what the hell is the deal with endermites?

Obviously they parasitize endermen, that’s their whole deal. But seemingly there aren’t really any negative side effects for the men explaining why they had the mites, again aside from parasites being gross.

Well, what if I told you that endermites are why we have ender pearls!

See when an endermite infects an enderman they instinctually head for the reproductive organs, where they begin to dissolve the spore-glands(we’ll get to that in a bit) and begin making cocoons where they will lay their eggs. These eggs eventually develop into larval endermites which burrow out of the enderman when fully grown to start the cycle again.

This renders the enderman infertile(and leaves chemical traces letting other mites know they aren’t a suitable host anymore) hence why they hate endermites.

However if and enderman is kill before these eggs can hatch, well, they don’t exactly survive outside of an appropriate host, and boom. Enderpearls. Incidentally these pearls still retain the larval mites ability to teleport, which we make great use of, at the expense of dealing with fragments of enderman ovaries/endermite egg casings damaging us when we teleport.

Also the fact we can get at most 4 pearls from an enderman tells us they’ve got four spore glands

To recap: Ender pearls are endermite eggs and occur when a mite infects and Enderman and dissolves it’s spore glands/ovaries.

So, about those spores:

Endermen are much like the common fern

yeah, so what the fuck do I mean by that?

I mean that they have two adult reproductive stages.

Stage 1: is the Endermen we know and love, and stage two is the Chorus fruit.

Adult sexually mature enderman will release spores that float through the end island on the breeze until they they find a place to take hold and root. Generally large groups of Endermen will all release their spores in synch, sorta like how corals spawn when the moon is full.

Once rooted these spores begin growing into Chorus fruits, which are occasionally predated upon by Shulkers, though generally it’s the stems of the “plant?” that they consume.

Once matured, a Chorus plant produces flowers, which are then cross-pollinated to ensure genetic diversity. Once this is achieved Chorus fruits are produced, which given time will form a large shell/egg like husk from which a fully formed adult enderman will eventually emerge. Think of butterflies and their chrysalis.

Interestingly the Endermen actually serve a role similar to butterflies, see because in their Chorus plant stage Endermen are immobile they can’t relocate or ensure the survival of their genes if conditions worsen.

By producing Endermen who then range far away from their home forests they ensure their genes survive and increase genetic diversity as a whole. This also explains why Endermen are capable of extremely fast movement/teleportation. Their only job is to get as far away as possible.

Basically, Endermen are fucked up silicon based ferns, and they attack you when you look at them because they mistake you(or not) as a threat to their ability to spread their spores. Also eating chorus fruit means you ate baby Endermen.

Wow! This really ran away for me, thanks for the cool ask @clever-naming-convention!! I’ll definitely be doing more with this cause I’ve got more thoughts

#minecraft #enderman #minecraft headcanons #speculative biology

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the-cookie-of-doom · 1 year ago

Text

Chay takes his first sip of beer under Macau’s careful guidance when the last guest walks in, and the horrible taste of it combined with the sheer shock of the third cousin means most of it ends up sprayed down his shirt, and all eyes are on him as he coughs and desperately gasps for breath, and Chay wants to die.

Because Macau’s cousin? Is Wik. Wik.

“Why didn’t you tell me?” He manages to wheeze, while Macau laughs and thumps on his back.

“What, you’re a fan?”

Chay can’t very well say yes, seeing as Wik is right there, ten feet away, watching him with mounting annoyance as if he already knows the answer. Of course he does. And of course he wouldn’t want Chay anywhere near him, his family, on what is supposed to be a private vacation. God, what was Macau thinking, bringing him here?

“Who are you,” Wik asks. His voice is dry enough that Chay feels parched. He can breathe again, and he clutches his beer to his chest like a shield, and not like the thing that almost killed him a second ago. Or maybe that was Wik. Either way, Chay is in danger.

“Our virgin sacrifice,” Macau says, because apparently once wasn’t enough. “This is Porchay, he’s my friend, don’t be an asshole. Chay, this is my loser cousin, Kim. Who, yeah, is also kind of famous, I guess. Don’t make it weird.”

“Hello,” Porchay says weakly. “I, uh… I really like your music.”

“Thanks.”

Chay feels a strong urge to apologize—and offer to leave right then and there, even if it means calling Porsche to drive the three hours to get him—but he doesn’t get the chance. Wik—Kim—is gone just as fast as he'd appeared, taking his guitar case with him. Strangely it isn’t any easier to breathe in his absence.

“You’re an asshole,” Chay informs Macau. “You planned that, didn’t you?” His best friend’s shit-eating grin informs him that yes, he had.

“Dude, your face! I thought you were going to die!”

“I wanted to! That’s so messed up! He’s going to think I’m, like, stalking him, or something.”

“Nah, probably not. Seriously though, don’t be too weird, or he might kill you.”

Nevermind that, Chay might kill himself. How is he supposed to get through the next two weeks?

***

Out of respect, Chay does his very best to avoid Kim and stay out of his way. He doesn’t know if the older boy notices, because of the aforementioned avoidance, but he hopes so. He wants Kim to know he’s trying. That he isn’t here to creep on him, that he isn’t one of those psycho fans. Yeah, Chay has a little bit of a shrine at home, but all of the pictures on his wall are from professional photoshoots. No paparazzi photos or creepshots from other fans. Nothing from his personal time. Chay isn’t like that. He doesn’t want to intrude. He just wishes he could explain himself.

The opportunity comes the next morning. Chay is awake before anyone else; he kicks around in bed for a while, then goes to Macau’s room across the hall, but he’s still fast asleep. Chay isn’t comfortable enough to go explore, but eventually his stomach drives him in search of the kitchen. It’s massive, borderline industrial, and fully stocked to feed an army. It’s ridiculous.

Chay is cracking eggs into a pan when he hears another set of footsteps, seconds before he’s greeted by Kim’s handsome, scowling face. He must have just rolled out of bed; he’s wearing soft-looking lounge clothes, barefoot, and his hair is just messy enough that it could be intentional, if not for the softness around his eyes. Softness that disappears as soon as they land on Chay.

“... Good morning,” Chay greets, with an awkward smile. He turns back to the stove, trying to communicate I’m not watching, just ignore me. It must work, because rather than turn back the way he came, Kim joins him in the kitchen.

“Hi,” is all he says, and Chay is content with that.

There’s a fancy-looking espresso machine at its own coffee station. Kim takes up his post in front of it, grinding down coffee beans and pressing them into the filter. He takes down two small glasses and sets them beneath. Soon, the rich scent of fresh coffee fills the kitchen, the espresso machine's pop and hiss accompanying the sound of frying eggs.

“Do you want me to make you something?” Chay offers, not turning around.

“No.”

Kim doesn’t say anything else. Neither does Chay. He chews on his bottom lip until his breakfast is finished, and he plates his eggs on a pile of sticky rice.

This might be my only chance.

“I hope I’m not making you uncomfortable. By being here, I mean,” Chay starts. “I swear I had no idea when Macau invited me. He said he was just coming here with his cousins. I-I wouldn’t have agreed. If I knew. I promise.”

Kim turns to face him fully, leaning back against the counter. Chay fidgets beneath the weight of his gaze. “Really?” he asks. He doesn’t sound like he believes Chay one way or the other.

“Yeah, yes, I wouldn’t want to intrude. I’m obviously,” he waves his hand between them, “You know, but like. You’re with your family. That’s not my business… Or anyone else’s,” he adds, trying to reassure Kim he isn’t going to tell anyone about anything that happens on this trip, without saying that outloud and reminding him it was ever a risk in the first place.

“Hmm.”

Please believe me. Even if they never see each other again—Chay will leave right now if Kim tells him to, he’ll figure it out—he needs Kim to believe this. That Chay isn’t another vulture trying to take more of him than Kim is willing to give, as if it’s something he’s owed just because he’s a fan.

“Porchay, right?” Chay nods. “How do you know my cousin?”

“We go to school together.”

Kim looks at him doubtfully. Chay’s face goes hot, and reminds himself what Porsche told him before he left; just because they’re rich doesn’t mean they’re better than you, don’t forget that.

“I’m, uh, I’m there on scholarship.”

“Really? That’s not an easy scholarship to get.” No kidding. Chay took a summer prep course for the entrance exam and that alone was almost too much. The exam itself nearly made him pass out. “What was your score?”

“Uh… One hundred percent.”

“Bullshit.”

Chay flushes, equal parts embarrassed and something slightly less than angry. “They made me take it twice. The proctors thought I cheated the first time.” He didn’t. He’d spent the entire summer studying, because Porsche told him this is what he needed to do for his future. To make their parents proud. Chay never knew their parents; he just wanted Porsche to be happy, and to repay him for being such a good brother.

“And you got the same score?”

“... Ninety-eight percent, the second time.” He was terrified, and that meant he made mistakes he wouldn’t have otherwise.

“Still nearly perfect.” Kim regards him carefully, his head tilted, and Chay is too incensed to properly appreciate the flex of Kim’s bare arms across his chest. “Interesting.”

Chay thinks that maybe, from anyone else, interesting might have meant impressive.

Kim turns his back on him again, then, leaving Chay to eat his now-cold breakfast while he finishes his coffee. Neither say anything else. It’s painful in a way silence always is for him—to Chay, silence means loneliness, means sitting at home and waiting for his brother to walk through the door, bloody and beaten, or it means hiding from debt collectors—but Chay refuses to break it again.

He also refuses to look at Kim, which is why he startles when a porcelain cup is set down in front of him with a delicate clink, a cappuccino with delicate-looking latte art and a dusting of cocoa powder. He looks up and Kim’s back is already to him again as he finishes making his own coffee. He cleans the espresso machine, puts away his tools, and leaves without another word, no doubt in search of a better refuge to enjoy his morning coffee, without Chay breathing down his neck. Even though Chay already wasn’t doing that.

Whatever, it’s not like it matters.

Chay picks up his latte. He’s a little bit mad at how good it is, blooming rich and smooth on his tongue, and not overly sweet.

Like Kim, he thinks, glowering into the milk foam.

#cookie writes #kimchay #this is vaguely dead friends forever inspired #but it'll prob be way less spooky bc horror is hard to write #mostly it's going to be the theerapanykuls emotionally terrorizing Chay the whole time lol

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i-literally-cant-with-this · 1 year ago

Text

Panty Dropper

@callm3senpaii was so kind tagging me in this and I know I should have been asleep but I couldn't stop thinking about stuff to write. Will I be tired today? I probably already am. Will it be worth dragging my ass around? Most definitely.

Things they do that have me throwing my panties on the floor and my ankles in the air:

TOJI :

~ The bulge in his pants and the scar on his lips.

~ When he stands, sits, when he's hard. Especially if he wants to hug me or pull me down onto his lap. And if he looks at me and licks the scar, I'm immediately flooding my pants. I don't know what it is about scars, whether they're on chests, arms, faces, backs (omfg backssss). They're just so fucking sexy to me. I want to lick them all.

~ He'll press that mass right into me. Knowing damn well what he's doing. Same with the scar, he knows wtf is up. If he wants my attention but doesn't want to have to say that he wants it, he'll just stare at me and lick the corner of his mouth until I'm dropping down on his face.

~ It gets worse the longer we're out of the house. Having to show self-restraint and not drop to my knees and rip his low-hanging pants from his godlike hips is not #1 on my to-do list.

~ HE IS, though.

REINER :

~ Jesus Christ. The way he would hold me all the time. How he can flip-flop between being gentle one minute to shoving my back up against any hard surface that was easily accessible, rolling and grinding his hips into me.

~ How needy he can be sometimes is so hot. Like, he can't fucking live another second without burying his face in my cunt or stuffing me full of his cock. Or tongue. Let's be real, the man loves to eat.

~ He's also emotional AND emotionally stupid. He tries to express himself and sometimes he just gets so pissed off that he doesn't have the words that he'll shut down. And I wouldn't be able to sit by and watch him beat himself up about some shit that happened 10 years ago. I'd have to climb up on his lap and start rubbing my ass all over him to get his focus to shift.

~ Watching him hold a baby would make every single good egg I had left drop down, ready to create life with him. He's so fucking big and seeing him hold something so small and fragile would make me insane with lust. (As if I'm not always DTF this guy). I'd whisper in his ear to give the baby back to her (yes, it would be a baby girl, all pinked out) parents because I need him upstairs shooting his hot load into me and telling me how much he wants to fuck a baby into me and watch my body change while nurturing life (WHERE THE FUCK DID THAT COME FROM. LITERALLY WHAT. TF.)

~ His sweet gestures would kill me so softly. He would bring me a wild flower that he saw somewhere while he was out. Or he'd bring me a little succulent clipping that he snagged while he was at Home Depot getting stuff to make the rack to hold our sex swing that was going to be delivered in 2 days. 1 if the mail runs a little faster than anticipated.

~ I don't know how else to articulate this other than to tell you that we'd dance like they do in Dirty Dancing (the OG movie. Not the remake shit). You know how Baby and Johnny danced with each other when they'd basically straddle each others thighs and just grind while his hands were on her ass and she was clinging to him to keep herself from falling over backwards, even though there was no way in hell that he'd ever let go of her. And how he'd turn me around and have my back to his chest while we're just like, making our hips go in circles while we're in the living room listening to songs like "Cry To Me." Fucking shoot me now, please. I can't stand another minute without this guy.

Sanemi :

~ This motherfucker. His lack of personal space with me would be irritating at first. Like, he would always come to bed with me at the same time. Sleep smooshed up next to me, even during summer months when it's too hot to lay like that unless you have 3 box fans pointing at you (and I DO) just to take the edge off of the humidity swarming around you. But eventually, when he'd stay up to do something, video games or working out, whatever, and I go to bed alone, I definitely would just lay there and miss him. So I'd call for him and he'd come peek his head in the room and ask me what I need.

~ I'd admit that I need him because I'm so goddamn used to feeling his body next to me that I don't know what to do with myself when I'm not all tangled up in him. I just toss and turn not feeling grounded in my own bed.

~ So he'll turn off all the lights because he's a responsible electricity user and do his bedtime routine then finally come in and lay with me.

~ But he's not really tired. And he will turn over to face me and starts rubbing my thigh with his left hand, sloooowwwlllyy going higher until he's got his fingers dancing over the waistband of my --- wait, I won't be wearing panties. Scratch that. He'd play with the hem of my t-shirt and inch his way between my thighs until my knees are opening up for him.

~ "You still not tired?" is all he'd have to say to me in his deep, husky nighttime voice and I'd pull him over on top of me because I can't resist his voice, even in the daytime. But there's just something about his voice at night that does me in. It's heavy with the days weight and he wants to let go of everything. And I would help him with all that shiz.

LEVI

~ There are several things that he would do that'd lead to my clothes spontaneously disappearing.

~ If I walked in on him cleaning ANYTHING my pants would combust on the spot. There is something about a man who takes tidiness seriously. And no one takes it more seriously that Levi.

~I would try to get him to wear nothing but an apron to clean stuff up in, but he'd just call me a dumbass and continue his dusting.

~ When he is getting annoyed with me and his voice gets all disciplinary and starts yelling at me a little bit to "Knock my shit off", it's only going to egg me on more.

~ I would love to push his buttons until he was beating my ass over the kitchen table, counter, dishwasher, shower, closet, cat food dish. Idfc.

~ Also when he would drive us somewhere, he'd have his hand on my thigh and subconsciously rub and squeeze it whenever he'd get pissed off at the other idiots on the road.

~ It would be the way that he'd kiss me goodbye in the morning and then he would pull away only to lean in for a deeper kiss as his hands wrapped around my waist and pulled me into him.

~ The way the heat from his cock would warm me wherever it pressed into me as he was trying to leave for work that day. "I'm working from home today, yes. Yes, thank you. I'll be in tomorrow," he looks at me, "Possibly."

#levi ackerman headcanon #reiner braun headcanon #sanemi shinazugawa headcanon #toji fushiguro headcanon #levi smut #reiner smut #levi aot #levi attack on titan #reiner braun aot #reiner braun smut #toji smut #toji jjk smut #sanemi smut #demon slayer smut #jjk smut #kny smut

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a-decent-human-being5 · 7 months ago

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My Thoughts and Opinions on all the Season One Drawtectives Witnesses Because I Just Finished Rewatching it

(Spoilers under the cut btw)

Buzz: Yeah his design is adorable the drawtectives are completely valid to just melt the second he comes on screen. I adore his voice and the fact that he doesn’t really talk that much, very fun contrast with the cute design. His crush on Dr. Fontaine is also incredibly cute glad they got to sit next to each other at Huck E. Heese. Wish I could eat some of his food but that’s kinda how I feel about all fictional chefs cause I like good food.

Don Jovi: What a name. I remember when I first watched the show I didn’t like him very much because he was the first witness to say “well you gotta earn the clue about the murder” but all things considered they’re chill. I don’t have many thoughts on them though other than the fact that it’s funny how even he finds the crew’s love for Buzz to be a bit much.

Avis Smythe: He obviously didn’t do it but I absolutely feel like he would kill for his son, even though he doesn’t actually know his age lol. Idk he just defends Ogalvy as a good kid so much, despite how blatantly obvious of a troublemaker he is, that I absolutely could see him killing for him if it came to that. Which brings me to yeah in terms of being a good dad he probably should set more boundaries but I love that he just lets Ogalvy do basically whatever weIl also swearing up and down that he’s such a good boy. I get why he was chosen as the fall guy but I also love that the crew went the complete opposite direction with it of “well it couldn’t be Avis cause he’s so nervous he’d probably just tell us if he did it”. However that does always make me wonder how he was able to be a good mole in his job. Also I didn’t say it yet but for him and Ogalvy both the designs are amazing. The reveal that they aren’t actual bird people is iconic. I love how their designs still perfectly match the masks like I would expect no one else under those masks you know.

Ogalvy Smythe: He’s such a little chaotic troublemaker of a kid I absolutely adore it. The fact that this child is not just a thief but a dedicated thief is amazing. Like he’s actively getting so upset when he realizes that there were expensive jewels in this house that someone who’s not him already stole. It’s perfect. He’s also Such a funny character like his lines are iconic and consistently had me laughing. It’s just that complete accurate bluntness that a 5 or something year old has. I don’t want to repeat myself too much but it should be said just how good his design is. Like he is just an egg and I love that for him. It’s not that important and makes sense but I do appreciate just how fitting the cartoon characters he assigned to each of the drawtectives are. Like yes Rosé gets hot lady, York gets hot guy, and Grendan gets dog, perfect. Also speaking of the drawtectives I love how they all eventually came around on him. And of course you can’t talk about Ogalvy without talking about his bond with Rosé. It’s adorable love these thief buddies love that Rosé takes him under her wing despite the fact that she’s trying to get out of that lifestyle. I love it all. Rosé asking what all he stole to try and see if he has the jewels is both a very smart move on her end and such a cute little bonding moment. Plus that gave us all the iconic line of “the hearts and minds of the people”. Overall I just absolutely love Ogalvy he’s probably my second favorite witness and despite his criminal tendencies, or let’s be honest here do in large part to them, he’s such a fun and charming character.

Faucon: Coolest person ever. I love how laid back she is it can sometimes be very funny just how chill she is about absolutely everything. Like just how cool she is was something so refreshing that it was almost comical. Love how she inspired Grendan to change up his name for the first time that’s pretty cool. Even though the name change is just a joke at that point Faucon is still just so supportive of it like it’s real sweet to see. Objectively she’s just the down to earth celebrity but she’s so good at being it you know. She’s cool and understanding while also not down playing her fame. I feel like most down to earth celebrities in fiction fall into a trap of just disregarding or not really liking their fame but that’s not really Faucon. She might be chill and not actively bringing up her status as a celebrity but she still loves her music and her band and if her interactions with the drawtectives is anything to go off of her fans too. She is truly just so nice and supportive about like absolutely everything. Even for something simple like Grendan not knowing many songs her immediate response is, that’s fine and you shouldn’t feel like you have to lie about it. Ended up loving her a lot more than I previously did upon rewatch.

Harper Justice: A lot of people love Harper but I’m not one of those people. I get why other’s like her so much but I am York in this situation. Her spoiled contradictions in her morals upset me. I also can’t stand how she didn’t give them any clues at the end of it. I do like her a lot more in the one shot stream where she’s less drunk and angry, plus giving her a pet that she loves immediately makes her more endearing. This post is only really about season one though so as it stands I still don’t really like her. I hope that her and her mom get closer after she tells her the truth about her past though. I just think it would be nice especially since they’re the only members of the justice family that are left.

Sam Ug: Sam gives us a lot of interesting information after Grendan uses their power on her. I really think her past as a criminal is intriguing especially in relation to Sorin giving her a second chance and her not really trusting people because of her past. Love that she’s based on a dragon and the cigarette representing the smoke is a cool choice. Kinda unrelated to her as a character but her drawing prompt is one of my absolute favorites in season one. It’s just so funny to watch the crew explain photoshop actions in traditional art wording as everyone is just sitting there like damn you really brought your whole ass art kit here tonight huh Grandma. Overall though I think she’s interesting and her past has some cool implications about how she is currently.

Emery Justice: Emery is a horrible evil dad killer we know this, however sense we do know this it can be a little fun to watch him upon rewatch. Like seeing him so quickly agree with any witness the drawtectives propose. Watching him talk up how strong the person must of had to be to overpower his dad. How he out the gate says he wants to help catch whoever is responsible for his father’s death. Like I don’t really like Emery and he’s probably my least favorite witnesses of this season, but sense he is the murder he can also be kinda interesting for that reason.

Susan Fontaine: She’s very sweet and very proficient in her field of work which I respect. She’s actually so sweet that it catches the crew completely off guard, which is pretty funny to watch considering they’re so not used to someone being so agreeable and easy to work with. I think it’s cute how she knows most celebrities because of the interns at her job like it’s just kinda sweet. To me her listening to her interns about casual stuff kinda just shows her caring nature even outside of this case. Also I already said it when talking about Buzz but they’re pretty cute together. Them sitting at Huck E. Heese is adorable. Yeah she’s nice and sweet but I honestly don’t have many thoughts about her outside of that.

Llarm Alasa: My favorite witnesses. He is fashionable for one like the outfit is just great. I completely forgot that he opened it up with the drawing prompt immediately but I kinda love it. It kinda feels like a fun contrast to Dr. Fontaine who gave them all the information up front and then asked for a drawing after just for fun. I don’t know if this was at all intentional but it sure works out nicely with their episodes being back to back. Him just wanting to do something by getting into the drawing challenge dose makes sense though cause as he says he’s been in this room for ever. Also he’s so incredibly tired which again is completely fair considering he’s the last witness and had to just sit in this room for 10 hours. And all this on the same night that one of his best friend died like that sucks so much. He’s so clearly not doing well right now given the whole situation so he tries to distract himself with invention ideas so he doesn’t have to think about it. He basically says this himself. He also brings up how he tends to bury himself in his work to distract from his personal problems which just has me sitting there like bud that’s an awful coping strategy. I’m just glad that at the end of it though the drawtectives give him a new thing for him to think about with whether or not anyone there has been an animatronic the whole time. Also can I just say that his response of “that would be amazing” to that thought is so funny. Like given the witnesses track record you think he would just say it sounds stupid or something but no, to him that idea is cool as hell. It’s just so endearing and speaking of things that make him endearing, I’m great at segways I know, I love him for being a cat owner. Plus it’s a black cat that’s named after something he really enjoys which appeals to me specifically as someone who also has a black cat that was named after something I enjoyed. It is a slight upset that he doesn’t show the crew any cat photos but like he comes around in the end by telling them to follow his Binstagram so I won’t hold it against him. Honestly the only real slight I have against him is that you can not go around picking up obvious murder weapons off the floor my guy. Like do I kinda respect him for not really trusting the bumbling idiots that are the B team cops? Yes. Do I think that could be an interesting thing to think about considering he was Sorin’s close friend and wanting an important piece of evidence to be taken care of properly kinda shows a weird sense of care for him? Also yes. But do I think it was a good move? Absolutely not. At least he eventually trusts to give it to Jancy and the other three. Also I do think he’s mainly trusting Jancy over the drawtectives considering he actively lets out a sigh of relief when she comes in the room. Anyways I’m sorry that I rambled so much about my favorite but I just love him so much he’s literally my favorite witnesses/npc of the entire series.

#drawfee #drawtectives #ashlynposts

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hotchners-wifey · 10 months ago

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Save Her

Spencer Reid x Fem!Reader, Platonic!BAU x Reader, Morgan!Sister Reader

Summary: Y/N has a past she's never told anyone about, she was involved in some heavy things when she lived in England with her Aunt and Uncle. Things she thought were murdered along with her best friend, things she thought went missing with her boyfriend. Things that followed her to Quantico, Virginia. Previous Chapter~ Next Chapter Chapter Warnings: hangovers and peer pressures

________________________________________ Four days before Y/N disappears ________________________________________

I woke up before everyone else and decided to grab some Aspirin and start cooking some Waffles, bacon and eggs for the girls knowing that when they wake up they'll be hungry and have a pounding headache. Right as I finished cooking I turned and spotted the them waking up to the smell of food. JJ got up first and walked to the kitchen, "I smell coffee." was the first thing she said. I chuckled and grabbed a mug out of the cabinet and filled up the mug. "Did you want any creamer?" She nodded and I walked to the fridge, "I got caramel and vanilla, which one do you want?" She looked up with her hands shielding her eyes from the lights, "Vanilla please." I nodded grabbing the creamer and noticed Penny and Emily were both sitting at the island as well. "Good morning you two, how did you guys sleep?" Emily just groaned and looked at the coffee in the pot, I nodded grabbing two more mugs and the creamer. "Well I take it you guys had a lot of fun last night." JJ groaned behind her coffee mug, "I never want to experience last night ever again." I laughed loudly causing all three of them to groan at the loud noise. "Sorry, but if you don't normally drink that much why did you?" They looked at me like I had three heads. "Because you were going out with us." Penny exclaimed with a slightly upset face, "And you were supposed to be getting plastered with us." Emily continued I smiled innocently, "Well if I had gotten plastered with you then who was going to drive us home?" JJ thought for a minute, "Normally when we go out to drink and have a night out the guys all take one vehicle in which either Spence or Hotch drives because they don't drink like that either." I shook my head and grabbed some plates, "Well how was I supposed to know that? I never go out with you guys remember?" JJ shrugged "Well it doesn't matter now. The real question is why you cooked food for us when we could've gotten room service?" I placed their plates of food in front of them and shrugged, "I felt like you guys could use a home cooked meal with a touch of motherly love. This is my mothers special breakfast that she would make us every Sunday morning before church." Penny's head shot up at that, "This is one of Mrs. Morgan's famous meals?" I nodded and smiled, "Yeah Mom taught me how to make everything I cook or bake. She was my personal chef when I was a kid, Dad never wanted Mom to teach Derek how to cook because he was a firm believer that Derek should have someone take care of him but she always secretly taught him when she taught me and my sisters." Emily and JJ were shocked to find out that Derek knows how to co. "Don't tell him I told you that, he'll kill me." Emily snorted, "Oh I'm definitely making a joke about this." I sighed in defeat, once Emily said she was going to do something there was no getting her to back down from it. We spent the day watching movies and eating snacks and eventually after the girls were feeling better we went to the mall and bought ourselves some new clothes, Penny bought some new trinkets for her desk and I found the cutest Doctor Who paper weight for Spencer. "Really?" Emily questions when she sees me approach them with the paper weight in my hands, "What? It's for Spence. You know how much he loves these little things." Penny laughed, "Of course you know that Y/N." I turned to look at her confused, "What's that supposed to mean Penny?" She laughed and shrugged. "I'm just saying you know a lot about what Spencer Reid likes, way more than we do." I nodded, "Yeah of course I do because I actually listen to him." JJ smiled, "Guys just let her buy the paper weight for Spence, Penny you buy things for Derek and Emily you buy things for your cat Sergio. The people and pets you love deserve gifts." I nodded along to her words, "Yeah let me buy things for the person I love-wait what?!" JJ burst out laughing and eventually Penny and Emily joined in while I stood there fuming that I got tricked like that. "Oh Y/N we already know you love Spencer, you didn't have to tell us that again."

#aaron hotchner #criminal minds #derek morgan #emily prentiss #spencer reid #david rossi #jenifer jareau #criminal minds fanfiction #fem reader #spencer reid x reader #penelope garcia

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patibato · 5 months ago

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[Bitter Sweet Sixteen] 002-B05 - That jeans in GHOST WORLD

Akuta: unlove?

Nanaki: …

Akuta: Nanaki?

Nanaki: Well…

Kiroku: …The masked… artist… unlove…

Ushio: The same unlove that made the song for R1ze's HosLive?

Muneuji: The one being lauded as the next big thing online—

Nanaki: … Well…

Akuta: …

Yachiyo: Pl…!

PLEASE KILL MEEEEEEEE!!

Muneuji: …What a remarkable jump into a bow. I'm amazed.

Yachiyo: I'm sorry I'm sorry! I just went and blabbed out serious information!

Of course, it's not like the President leaked that info or anything! I just went and—

I just went and gave in to my stalker tendencies because I wanted to know what kind of person could make such lovely music!

I searched a whole bunch and found out! I'm sorry for being a creep~~~! Death! Death!

Nanaki: No… I'm, uh, grateful you think so, so you can get off the floor now.

Yachiyo: I'm a huge fan~~~~!

Nanaki: Thank you… …

Ushio: Holy shit, he's got like a hundred thousand followers.

Did that live song make a bit of a buzz? The number just keeps going up. Bandwagoning much?

Muneuji: That's incredible, Nanamegi. I'd never have thought I'd be so close to someone so famous.

Nanaki: Aah… I didn't really intend to hide it, but I figured it'd be fine if only people in the know like Oguro-san were aware…

Ah, I do want to keep it a secret at school. I'd appreciate you doing that for me.

Kiroku: …Right… got, it… But still… that's, ama… zing…

Ushio: Hah, it's like a swan egg got mixed in with us. Right, Idiotake?

Akuta: …!

That's AWESOOOOME, Nanaki!!!! What? A hundred thousand? How many people per follower is that???

Muneuji: A hundred thousand.

Akuta: Woooah, that's our music head for ya~!!

That rules~! As for me, I've still—

I've, still… …

…

(What the—I can't get my words out. …Why?)

(This weird fuzzy feeling… won't go away…)

Ushio: …

Liguang: … It's been awfully quiet since this morning.

What of those brats?

Yukikaze: Apparently they're back at school today.

They've been making the mornings lively lately. It feels… a bit lonely. That said—

There's some leftovers from the bentos I made for the students and Momiji. Would you like to eat together?

Liguang: Much appreciated.

Female Student A: Morning! Hey, did you check dazzle!? Some weird ball thing's heading North!

Female Student B: I saw~! The egg thing, right? Apparently it's getting closer to here.

Female Student A: Yeah yeah! It's jumping and walking up! I don't get it at all! Like, what the hell?

Female Student B: There's lots of eyewitness reports, but I hear it keeps escaping when they try to catch it. Just what is it?

Nanaki: Time to go, then.

Momiji: Hold on, everyone gather round. Let's review.

The press release from the other day was just an announcement aimed towards journalists. News for the general public will be published at a later date.

In particular, the matter of who we've appointed is top secret for the time being—

Akuta: …

Momiji: So you can't go telling anyone that you're Ward Mayors now, okay? Promise me.

Ushio: You don't have to drill it in so hard, we've got it.

Muneuji: It's important enough to confirm multiple times. —Understood, Chief.

Momiji: Ok! Let's reconvene in the clubroom after homeroom.

Kiroku: … We'll… get, going… then…

Nanaki: …See you later.

Akuta: Ah, conversation's over? 'Kay, I'll get—

Momiji: Ah, hold back a moment Akuta-kun!

Akuta: Yeah!? What's up?

Momiji: Just want to do a quick progress check! How's the concept coming along? Are you making progress?

Akuta: I mean, I am making progress, but it's not done yet. Anyway—

Honestly, I don't think there's any time for school, y'know…

Momiji: … I understand how it's going. It's alright, we can think about it together again later.

Akuta: …

Akuta: Good morning everyone!

Mornin'~ Okabe~

Okabe: Aah… morning.

Akuta: Mor~ning, Sasaki~

Sasaki: …

Akuta: …

(My classmates are basically i~ndifferent towards me.)

Hey hey! Did'ja see the news about the Ward Mayors?

Sasaki: You mean how they were chosen from Asu-High? An important role like that's gotta go to Rank Five students like Kuraku.

Akuta: (Their faces are screaming that they don't think I could do it.)

…

Well~ the truth is, I'm actually one of them~~~~!

Sasaki: Huh?

Akuta: (Ah, crap. I said it without thinking, even though I promised not to.)

(Ah, but getting fussed over might help me come up with something… probably!)

I kinda happen to be one of the Ward Mayors~

Sasaki: …Pfft… ahahaha ahaha! That joke's not even funny, coming from a Rank One~~~!

Okabe: Why would they pick YOU of all people! You damn bomber! Hahahahahaha!

Akuta: … You really gotta laugh so hard?

Classmate C: …Uum, sorry to interrupt. Isotake-kun.

Akuta: ? What?

Classmate C: There's someone waiting for you… in the hallway.

*door opens*

Akuta: Yo! Nanaki? Kiroku? Muneuji? Or, no way, is it Ushio—

Yumenosuke: Good morning, Isotake Akuta-kun.

Akuta: Huh! Who're you?

Yumenosuke: E-excuse me!? You don't know I, the Student Council President!? I'll have you know I frequently give speeches at school assemblies!

Akuta: Do you? I don't remember!

Yumenosuke: H-hmph, what can I expect from a Rank One. Well, whatever.

Apologies for calling you out so suddenly, but there's a matter I wish to discuss with you. Akuta-kun—

Though not officially announced yet, you are appointed as a Tourism Ward Mayor, aren't you.

Akuta: -— Why do you know that!?

(Wait, this means there's finally someone who's noticing me!)

Yumenosuke: Hahahaha… finding out this much is no trouble at all. Now then—

Just what kind of tour plan are you going with? I'll keep it between us, so you can tell me, can't you?

Akuta: Uh… it's kinda…

Yumenosuke: Based on your reaction, is it perhaps not going well? Even though the open days will be upon us soon?

Akuta: …

Yumenosuke: Ha ha ha ha! Don't look so despondent now!

If you tell a high schooler to suddenly come up with a business plan, it's only natural that it won't go well!

Particularly when that student is a below-average Rank One!

Akuta: … …

Yumenosuke: Well, I thought something like that would happen! I've just sent something to your school email address.

I apologise for my impertinent behaviour, but I believe it will help you out of this situation—I implore you to watch it.

Akuta: It'll help me?

Yumenosuke: Of course. —Oh my, would you look at the time! I must be off now!

I'm entrusted with many important roles, and so I'm very busy! Today I must stand before everyone at our full-school joint homeroom—

Akuta: Ah, 'kay…

Yumenosuke: Excuse me, then! Ha ha ha ha!

Akuta: …

Previous Chapter | Next Chapter

Masterlist

#18trip #18tlip #18trip translation #main story: bitter sweet sixteen #akuta isotake #kiroku kinugawa #nanaki nanamegi #muneuji kaguya #ushio kurama #momiji hamasaki #yachiyo fuefuki #yumenosuke kuraku

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drifting-pieces-blog-blog · 1 year ago

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Introspection

Summary: Moon Knight Comic universe. A study of the Interpersonal relationships between Marc, Jake, Steven, Mr. Knight, and Moon Knight.

They don't always get along. Sometimes they have no choice but to hold things together while one of them seems determined to take them apart.

Pairings: Gen fic, Brief mentions of Greer and Marc.

Warnings: Dissociation

Word Count: 4715

A personal note: I started this as something else and then had a small mental health event and continued to work on this. So it didn't go where I had planned on going. But here it is for whatever it's worth. I hope it's worth something.

----

MARC

Sometimes I remember life one way and sometimes I remember it another. It’s hard to pin it all down. If you asked me what I did this morning I’d be hard pressed to tell you the fine details but I can guess the usual.

Each awakening starts the same. I listen to just about every joint in my body pop and creak as I crawl out of bed and wait for sensation to return to my body. I imagine it much like watching someone claw their way out of a shallow grave. When I am sure that the body is mine, I chug the coffee that by now must be two days old and reheated so many times the burnt smell only makes me think it’s stronger than it is.

It does nothing for my headache but at least the double vision blurs into one and I can do more than make further zombie sounds. This does little for the popular notion that I am a dead man that has returned from the grave so many times that I sometimes catch myself glancing in the mirror at the symbole on my forehead. Is it still a moon? Am I sure? Is it the crest of a god or the word of another? Perhaps it is the truth.

I try not to think about it if I don’t want to spend the next hour fading in and out of that dangerous void.

Today is a bad day. I can’t stay out of the past. It happens. The past is a long dark tunnel or a glimpse of a street light I once stood too long under.

I can feel the annoyance as I fade and cling at the same time. He calls me a pain as I dig my heels in. I’ve been told that I have a nasty tendency to dig my grubby mitts in so hard that it takes a considerable fight to knock me out of place. He says I have control issues.

I don’t do it on purpose. I frankly wouldn’t know how to stay if I wanted to. I tend to come and go like a nasty habit you just can’t get rid of. Every time you think you’ve kicked it, it comes crawling back.

Sure, I can give it up for them when we talk. When we talk. I remember the silence. Confusion and blanks written off with a shrug. Then I remember the yelling. There used to be so much yelling. Like siblings yelling from one room to the other over a barrier of invisible walls and doors that rattled on old hinges.

We don’t yell anymore. Mostly. He calls me short sighted. The other one calls me a Schlimazel. He thinks he’s funny. I snapped and called him a Meshuggeneh once and he laughed about it for two weeks straight. He takes a special delight when I speak in that tongue.

I think there is a popular opinion that we act like a big family full of love. Just a bunch of brothers that look out for one another. Bullshit. We are not brothers. Brothers in our situation would have probably killed each other years ago. The truth is that we are three grown men all trying to drive the same car and decide on where it’s going all at the same time.

Sometimes we want to go to the living room and end up on the fucking roof. And it’s always anyone’s guess on how we got up there. When was the last time we ate? Did the other one go nuts on eggs again or did I have the reins and forget to eat for three days because I’m an idiot? It’s anyone’s guess.

It has taken us a very very long time to figure out how to function. How to work as a team. How to care about one another. We certainly didn’t come into this wanting to help the other guy stop crying. It was just annoying listening to him cry all the time. We wanted him to stop. I wanted him to stop. I wanted to stop. He wanted me to stop. We were just kids. Just kids learning to share and…

Here I go again, floating into the void and I think we’ve been staring at the same spot on the wall for ten minutes. He’s fucking yelling at me to get my shit together.

I know what would really piss him off. I don’t want to piss him off. But I do. I piss him off by existing sometimes. He used to wish I would go away. He could put up with the other one but me? I was unacceptable. I used to wish I would go away too. I hated how much I was present. Always there. Always waiting to be angry. Waiting to punch something. Waiting to find a reason.

They both tell me I need to stop. I needed to learn how to exist. I existed enough. It’s how we got into this mess. I existed. My name was put on a paper: Here Elias begat Marc and all the trouble that came with.

I’m the trauma. I’m the reason. I’m the one that ran. I’m the one that made the decisions. I’m the one that lost…

Now here’s the territory that he won’t let me near. Says I get too close and hurt myself too much. As if I can’t help but shout out “Here I am”.

And as I sit and stare into the fire of my trauma, he finally pulls me and it feels like a relief as even the body lets out a sigh.

STEVEN

It takes a minute. It doesn’t always. When he cooperates it’s like lightning. That’s the problem though, isn’t it? Marc Spector cooperating? The very notion of it makes me smile.

Like the notion that Marc might actually take the moment to be more aware. I’d laugh if I wasn’t so pissed off.

Don’t get me wrong. I’m not pissed at him. Not really. It’s hard to be pissed at him these days. Back at the start, though? All you had to do was imply his presence and I was pissed at the man.

I think he still strives for that. He wants us to be angry at him. Give the man a stick and find him in the woods poking a bear for kicks.

I’m pissed because I have to do this. I’m pissed because this is something that we still have to do. What brought it about this time? That’s always the part I hate the most. Trying to figure out why Marc had to be pulled.

We know our places now. It wasn’t easy to figure out. There was a certain level of trust we had to reach to figure it out. When Marc was needed, we knew it was going to hurt. We hardly ever asked for his help. It was pride not to.

Me? Needing his help? When I could just avoid the situation all together, why would I need his help?

My denial was deep enough to drown us. My pride, the anchor that brought us down.

Marc thinks I’d have been the perfect son. I was better. I was the one you introduced to your friends. And in this corner you see Steven Grant, poised and perfect. Just don’t ask him where his family is from. A nod and a wink and we can pretend he’s something else, right?

Marc forgets how outright obnoxious I used to be. Forget the bruised knees and black eye. That was someone else. My creases were all pressed and my shirts were the whitest. “Yes teacher or course teacher right away teacher”. With grades and posture, I could look down my nose at the world.

So why wasn’t I the perfect son? Because that was someone else. The real mensch. Yeah, he came a little late, but that’s the nature of him, isn’t it? While Marc and I circled the drain, he sat back with the plug yucking it up with the locals. He doesn’t know our trauma. Our pain. He shifts in and out like it’s nothing. That’s his job.

Now I’m beyond annoyed. That spot on the wall still hasn’t moved and I’m stuck playing put the lid back on everything Marc opened up.

I don’t tell him. He has enough to beat himself up over. I don’t tell him how it all carries over. I don’t tell him how his tears sting a little bit more when I’m the one shedding them. I don’t tell him that my hands shake just a little bit as I flush out our wounds.

There’s a new bruise and I swear it lines up with someone’s fist perfectly. The night was long and now here we sit with ice and a fog that I can’t make go away. Images of our father float in and out and I hear something that I don’t know the words to.

The fact that Marc does makes me angry. Angry at myself.

Marc will never know how much he reminds me of our father. Not because he is like the man. No, they couldn’t be further from night and day. But Marc, full of vengeance and fire and bloody fists… No one worships like he does. Only our father, a Rabbi, could have more faith.

I’d never tell him this, though. He wouldn’t understand.

The wounds are clean and the bandages applied. My job is done and there is still so much more work to do. I do what I can. It’s not enough. It’s never enough.

The mensch wants to know what’s going on. He doesn’t pay attention. He doesn’t have to. It’s my turn to be the stubborn ass and it isn’t till I feel the warm comfort of his embrace that I realize there’s more needed than a desperate need to make amends.

JAKE

Bubbeleh, take a rest, eh?

What’s going on up here? Why are we so worked up? I step out for a second and look at this mess. Stomach sounds like a grinder and I feel like we did ten rounds with that gorilla at the zoo.

Steven makes a jab at my choice in food. What part of our life has been Kosher? Why start now? I think we’ll be forgiven if we break a few rules. Ah, there’s the issue, isn’t it?

Memories.

I can sit back and watch them. They play like an old flickering television with a bent antenna.

No guess on who let these out of the box. He sulks in the back and I can feel his pain radiating across the whole void.

Marc… If it was ever possible for someone to embody the word Schlep it would be Marc. I sit back quietly for a bit, letting the food soothe the body first. That quiets Steven down. Always worried about the body. The body relaxes and so does Steven.

Steven settled, now comes the hard part.

I do remember. I see the boy struggling and I see the other one rebelling in his own way. I remember stepping in more times than they know. I remember what it was to wrap ourselves in a large warm blanket and cry ourselves to sleep.

The mustache goes on. Steven hates it. Hates what the adhesive does to our skin. I tell him to grow it out naturally; but then you’d have two problems instead of one. I’m a problem fixer. My problem can be fixed with adhesive and a hat.

I pull my sweater closer and adjust my hat. Marc would riot if I wore the other hat. It was easier to dip into older traditions. It feels right. It feels like it holds us down and gives me the silhouette I know is right.

Steven thinks I don’t know. I know more than he does sometimes. I never settled on denial. I just settled on acceptance.

I whisper the right words. The ones that finish the song Steven forgot. They say there is a prayer for everything. Meditate on it long enough and there is a blessing for every situation.

Sometimes a simple blessing is one that simply soothes the soul. It doesn’t have to make sense or even be appropriate. Just a notion that you do belong and that the good you do is truth enough to exist.

“May it be your will that I lie down in peace and rise up in peace.” It isn’t the whole prayer. I don’t even remember the whole thing, but the whole thing isn’t what is needed now. Words are like that. Like a lullabye or a magic spell, we settle in peace. We know the truth to those words.

And we do rise. We always rise up, but never in peace. But for now… At least we can lie down in a sort of peace.

Cat naps, really. I close our eyes in the reclined seat of the cab as the sounds of the city soothe us into a slumber that keeps the dreams away.

A yawn and a blinker later, we tour the city. This is my peace. Chit chat with the locals, a tip here and there from the underground. I smile to the fare and impart knowledge on the tourists. We were all dazzled by the city at one point or another.

By the time my tour is over, we feel rested and refreshed. As much as is capable for us to feel anyways. I think if we ever really did rest we might not ever get back up again.

Steven is quiet and back in place where he can pretend that maybe this time Marc might behave. I wish I lived in that bloke’s world. At least I know he won’t spiral for a bit. He likes to at least space out his breakdowns a bit. Adds flavor for when they really do build up.

And a look up at the rising night sky assures me that Marc is also quiet, resting and pretending that he won’t be needed again. I don’t know how to tell him that he’ll always be needed. That he’s wanted. That I wouldn’t trust anyone else to watch my back.

But now another bloke is stirring and asking questions.

Yeah buddy, we got this. Just a hiccup or two. The usual.

He relaxes and I let him stretch. He’s the shy one of the group, which is ironic considering just how flashy he is.

You want denial, just ask him who lives under that mask.

I relax back. He does better when we aren’t watching. Maybe someday he’ll feel confident enough to etch out his own place. It’s really enough to make me want to come up with a new prayer just for him. I was never a wordsmith though. Blessings were more of Marc’s territory anyways.

MOON KNIGHT

He gives us the information we need. He asks if we want to know about the day. We don’t. We appreciate the offer. He has a lot to share, but these things don’t mean anything to us. He has a lot of strength to offer and we appreciate him for it… But sometimes we enjoy just sitting in silence as we feel the moon and city and justice.

We don’t know what we did today. We don’t know how the body is doing. We don’t know how they are doing. That isn’t really our business. Our business is up here under the sky under the mask. We can feel the bandages and know the fussy one has taken care of us. We feel energy and relaxed and know the chatty one has done his part. We also feel the anger and need to punch something and know our companion is ready.

He isn’t always there. Sometimes it’s just me and I feel like a ghost, sliding through the moonbeams and haunting the streets. I don’t know how I feel about these times.

Our companion helps us. We help him. He pretends to be us and we let him. He can pretend that he doesn’t exist and we are blended until his needs are ours and our actions are his.

Sometimes he bleeds through. Sometimes the mask becomes heavy on his skin and we have to assert ourselves. We act on behalf of the system. We act because it’s what he needs. When his needs hurt, we let the others take him away.

We aren’t sure when we became me. When I became individual. We prefer him to be there. We remember a time when we were one. Now we aren’t sure who or what we are. The fussy one prods at us sometimes. Questions us and tries to find out what we know. He asks us a lot of questions. Right now he dismisses us as essential to our companion and lets it go. The chatty one spends a lot of time trying to talk with us. He does not care for the mask and often sits back and just talks. I think he thinks we are a good way to see how our Companion is doing.

Our companion sometimes resents us. We are the job. We are the work. We are the way for him to let off steam. We are the action to what needs to be done.

But we are only here when the sky is dark and when justice is needed. When we slip away, it is just him and that is when the mask becomes too heavy.

That is when we aren’t sure… There is another we.

Mr. Knight

I am not Marc Spector. This much I know. Marc doesn’t know this. It’s a recent development. Steven calls it ‘failure to trauma process’. Marc hides behind us. It is difficult to know when he is he and I am me. He is the man under the mask that does not wish to be there. I am the mask.

The problem was that he would not take off the mask. We became new.

I’m not sure what I think of things. Only Marc wears the mask. Jake doesn’t care to wear us. Our style doesn’t really match his, but he’s still supportive. Steven was exasperated by us at first but now he finds a useful transfer of information through us. The actual Knight? We’re a team. Sometimes we talk. Perhaps we have the most in common. We have jobs. Our job? We protect Marc.

The Knight is difficult to speak with sometimes. He’s a bright white light in the dark and sometimes formless. I honestly can’t tell if he is one person or many pretending to be one. Maybe he’s all of us? Maybe I’m really just Marc pretending to be someone else.

Steven tells me I’m too self aware for that. I asked Steven about the Knight once and Steven didn’t have an answer.

Sometimes I am Marc. When his blood boils and he walks the street in search of something to hit I very much am Marc. I’m a thin shield over him, much like gauze over a wound. I don’t have fists. I am just the gloves that soak up the grime.

I become myself when Marc checks out. He still loses time. He won’t admit it. Staring at the far wall while he sits in his chair or waters his plants. My plants. We keep things tidy. Perhaps that is why Steven likes us.

I keep up appearances. How would it look to find ‘Mr. Knight’ standing in the corner staring at the dust on the leaves for the past twenty minutes?

I think the others notice. The vampire? She knows. Once she met Steven she caught on real quick. Jake and Steven? Easy. Those two idiots couldn’t ever pretend to be someone else. They fought too long and hard to be independent. She isn’t sure about the Knight. It’s hard to tell with him. Perhaps she sees him as something else completely. Maybe he is.

Me? She watches me carefully. Jake calls me ‘auto pilot’. When Marc goes ‘space case’ someone has to drive. I think the vampire avoids me when she doesn’t sense Marc there. Maybe I am an auto pilot. A way for him to watch the world without having to take off the mask. I’m okay with that.

The Tiger has noticed me but doesn’t say anything. She’s more familiar with Steven and Jake. Jake chats up anyone and everyone. Steven likes communication. Any way for him to ‘settle the system’ he takes it. The moment the Tiger officially became a part of the picture, Steven and Jake got involved. They like her. She is on edge around the Knight. Perhaps she senses something different about them. It’s hard not to. With me? She asks me to step back. She got Marc to take the mask off the other day. It was nice to step back. I’m not sure what will happen to me if Marc stops wearing the mask all the time. Maybe we become ‘Just Marc’ again.

I’m here as long as he needs me.

Right now he needs me. We’re having a rough day. I say we because when Marc has a bad day, we ALL have a bad day.

Marc is having a panic attack.

His mask is off and he has locked himself in his room. The first line of defense steps up.

We can all feel him assess the body. Marc digs in hard. In his worst moments it would take an act of sheer force to pry the body away from him.

Steven is cool and collected as he looks the situation over. He talks to Marc and we all watch. It gets crowded up in the front during these times and Jake hangs back. He likes to show his support but also make sure no one else gets in the way.

We had an incident a month back where we all tried to have opinions. Talk about loud chaos.

Marc starts to yell and Steven shakes his head, not wanting to force it but not wanting to let it continue.

The Knight simply watches, formless and bright. They don’t understand these things. They do understand that it can affect how they function though.

Jake saunters in, hands in pockets as he talks to Marc and Steven. They all have history.

Marc reaches for me. He wants to hide. I soak up the tears and cover the scars.

Steven sighs and I can feel his pull as we wordlessly talk. I am auto pilot as Marc fades back and the body carries on. We feel tired. The information travels up the ranks and we all decide what to do with it.

The Knight shares in his own strange way the memories of a full night. Jake shares memories of a full day. I sit in the chair and watch as the mission moves around us.

Steven gives orders. Sleep. Short and sweet.

Convincing Marc to sleep is a chore for the others, but not for me.

When Marc thinks he is me, I can simply stand and move us to the sarcophagus. Climbing in, Marc settles back and we all feel the body sink in.

We aren’t perfect, but we are a team. We have to be.

Tomorrow Marc will wake up again. Tomorrow we will all find our places and tomorrow there might be more of us or less of us. Just gotta roll with the punches.

Marc

Here we go again. Alarm. Awake. Headache. Confusion. Fight through.

Fight through.

Pain and aches and old blood and this deep fog that mutes all light and sound and color and feeling. I live here. I live in the blur. I work best in the blur.

Muffled and soft. It lets me breathe. In and out. I can’t hear my own pounding blood rushing in my head. I can’t feel the cracks and pops as my legs bend and snap into place to lift this shell.

I move past the room filled with plants I don’t remember buying. Past the decorations I don’t remember setting up. Hand tracing the ever breathing and changing walls of the living mission.

I pause.

“Good morning.” We understand one another. A haunted shell. Walls that hold nothing and too much.

The walls breathe and I wait. I breathe with them, meditative and peaceful. A moment for me. Only for me. This is how I ground. I connect with the ghost in the walls until I too can inhabit my home.

Good morning.

Coffee. Chatter. Energy. Noise. Movement. I’ve surrounded myself with movement. I remember a time when my life was non-stop movement.

Come and go. Through the door as Steven, out the door as Jake, in the sky as Marc and… I try not to think too hard about that part. That time in my life is hard for me to pin down. I wasn’t the one driving most of the time. Then when I was, it was filled with pain.

Now I’m sitting here and they move around me and I am waiting. The movement has slowed down. When I do go, it isn’t the constant shifting, changing, and rushing that it was.

It feels… Languid.

I gaze out the window. It’s a quiet night. I don’t trust the quiet ones. They drift slow and I’m left pacing like a caged tiger.

“Marc. Sit.” Speaking of caged tiger… She watches me and gestures for me to join her. Calm and peaceful and domestic.

I hesitate. Domestic was not something I could do. Domestic was his.

They say cats can sense the switch. Maybe it’s chemical. Maybe it’s just sensing the mood.

I try not to. I try domestic. I don’t deserve domestic. Domestic and Marc Spector do not belong together.

It’s just sitting.

Mr. Domestic chimes in. Of course he would. I stop and she watches. The mask hides the fade. I wonder if she can sense it because her tail starts to twitch.

I’m grounded. I have no reason to give in. There is no danger. I have no reason to stay. All that stands before me now is the one thing Marc Spector has never been able to handle: Happiness.

She isn’t gonna be happy if you don’t put your butt in that chair.

The other guy. Mr. Charm. As if he were a professional at making people happy.

Take off the mask.

We should patrol.

Let’s go out and have a drink.

We need to take a day off.

The people need to see us.

I’m so tired.

Needless to say we all have opinions. More than I would think there would be. Some that come softly and others that rock through us like a megaphone to the brain.

I sit with her. She rolls up the mask just enough to touch the face. Our face. My face.

Slowly. Like peeling back layers of grime and sand and blood and pain and trauma I let her take the mask away. She places it just in reach of me. As if she knows something I don’t. Something that makes my fingers twitch towards it, longing to touch it. To press it to my heart and keep it safe like a gentle friend.

I take a breath. Let the air fill my lungs. Let the fog fade. Let the world settle. Let the Me I am becoming fight the Me I have been back and into submissive silence.

There will be days. Days where that me wins. Days where I do not sit with her. Days where I flinch away and pull the mask back down. Days where the past pierces through me and I am lost again.

“It’s quiet.” I close my eyes and lean back.

“Quiet?” She gently curls into me. Warm and soft and heavy at my side.

“For now.” I relax and feel my foundation shift, letting these old walls settle as they continue to hold it all up. The body sighs and I look at her. Me and him and the other and they and them and us. “Here I am.”

We rise in peace.

I let us be at peace.

#Moon Knight #Moon Knight fic #Moon Knight comics #Marc Spector #Jake Lockley #Steven Grant #Mr. Knight #The system is Jewish #The system is bigger than three #dissociation #I promised I'd post it by Saturday and it's only 11:45pm so yay

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