#sincerely the love of my life

[acrosstobear]

arrowmclaren P15 ➡️ P33 ➡️ P11. An unconventional day turned into a well earned result for the No. 6 team.

[giantkillerjack]

Today my therapist introduced me to a concept surrounding disability that she called "hLep".

[plain-text version of this post can be found under the cut]

Which is when you - in this case, you are a disabled person - ask someone for help ("I can't drink almond milk so can you get me some whole milk?", or "Please call Donna and ask her to pick up the car for me."), and they say yes, and then they do something that is not what you asked for but is what they think you should have asked for ("I know you said you wanted whole, but I got you skim milk because it's better for you!", "I didn't want to ruin Donna's day by asking her that, so I spent your money on an expensive towing service!") And then if you get annoyed at them for ignoring what you actually asked for - and often it has already happened repeatedly - they get angry because they "were just helping you! You should be grateful!!"

And my therapist pointed out that this is not "help", it's "hLep".

Sure, it looks like help; it kind of sounds like help too; and if it was adjusted just a little bit, it could be help. But it's not help. It's hLep.

At its best, it is patronizing and makes a person feel unvalued and un-listened-to. Always, it reinforces the false idea that disabled people can't be trusted with our own care. And at its worst, it results in disabled people losing our freedom and control over our lives, and also being unable to actually access what we need to survive.

So please, when a disabled person asks you for help on something, don't be a hLeper, be a helper! In other words: they know better than you what they need, and the best way you can honor the trust they've put in you is to believe that!

Also, I want to be very clear that the "getting angry at a disabled person's attempts to point out harmful behavior" part of this makes the whole thing WAY worse. Like it'd be one thing if my roommate bought me some passive-aggressive skim milk, but then they heard what I had to say, and they apologized and did better in the future - our relationship could bounce back from that. But it is very much another thing to have a crying shouting match with someone who is furious at you for saying something they did was ableist. Like, Christ, Jessica, remind me to never ask for your support ever again! You make me feel like if I asked you to call 911, you'd order a pizza because you know I'll feel better once I eat something!!

Edit: crediting my therapist by name with her permission - this term was coined by Nahime Aguirre Mtanous!

Edit again: I made an optional follow-up to this post after seeing the responses. Might help somebody. CW for me frankly talking about how dangerous hLep really is.

Plain-text version:

Today my therapist introduced me to a concept surrounding disability that she called "hLep".

Which is when you - in this case, you are a disabled person - ask someone for help ("I can't drink almond milk so can you get me some whole milk?", or "Please call Donna and ask her to pick up the car for me."), and they say yes, and then they do something that is not what you asked for but is what they think you should have asked for ("I know you said you wanted whole, but I got you skim milk because it's better for you!", "I didn't want to ruin Donna's day by asking her that, so I spent your money on an expensive towing service!") And then if you get annoyed at them for ignoring what you actually asked for - and often it has already happened repeatedly - they get angry because they "were just helping you! You should be grateful!!"

And my therapist pointed out that this is not "help", it's "hLep".

Sure, it looks like help; it kind of sounds like help too; and if it was adjusted just a little bit, it could be help. But it's not help. It's hLep.

At its best, it is patronizing and makes a person feel unvalued and un-listened-to. Always, it reinforces the false idea that disabled people can't be trusted with our own care. And at its worst, it results in disabled people losing our freedom and control over our lives, and also being unable to actually access what we need to survive.

So please, when a disabled person asks you for help on something, don't be a hLeper, be a helper! In other words: they know better than you what they need, and the best way you can honor the trust they've put in you is to believe that!

P.S. Also, I want to be very clear that the "getting angry at a disabled person's attempts to point out harmful behavior" part of this makes the whole thing WAY worse. Like it'd be one thing if my roommate bought me some passive-aggressive skim milk, but then they heard what I had to say, and they apologized and did better in the future - our relationship could bounce back from that. But it is very much another thing to have a crying shouting match with someone who is furious at you for saying something they did was ableist. Like, Christ, Jessica, remind me to never ask for your support ever again! You make me feel like if I asked you to call 911, you'd order a pizza because you know I'll feel better once I eat something!!

Edit: crediting my therapist by name with her permission - this term was coined by Nahime Aguirre Mtanous!

Edit again: I made an optional follow-up to this post after seeing the responses. Might help somebody. CW for me frankly talking about how dangerous hLep really is.

[storiesabound]

I love how this show portrayed how no act of kindness goes to waste. Im Sol had no real reason to show friendship to the random high-school dropout guy she had a crush on when she was 19. But she did. She convinced him to abandon his rackety lifestyle, dressed his wounds, urged him to consider a parent’s point of view which in turn acted as catalyst for the mending of his relationship with his father, encouraged him to graduate, and praised him wholeheartedly when he did so. All of which (the scolds and the compliments) added up to him finding his purpose and making a good life for himself.

Her sincere and unceasing kindness towards Kim Tae Song in all the timelines gained her not only a friend for life, but the said friend turned out to be the one who ultimately reversed her ill fortune. Saving not only her but the man she loves as well. Thereby securing them a happy future together.

[kindwhispers]

Ranma 1/2 Remake (2024) - Episode 5

[evermoresversion]

Jason never liked celebrating his birthday, until one day he woke up with you covering his face with loving kisses and a big smile.

"Happy birthday, pretty boy, I made you breakfast."

The two of you had breakfast together while you told him about the couple of plans you had to celebrate with him.

And as a gift you gave him the edition of Pride and Prejudice that he was missing. Even though he had the money to buy it for himself, he loved that you remembered that detail.

"Thanks, doll, I loved everything."

He murmured at the end of the day, leaving kisses on your face, his hands fixed on your hips while you were laying by his side.

"I love you."

"I love you even more."

disclaimer ── evermoresversion © 2024.

[shippy-from-apocalypse]

Must a girl communicate how much he loves his friends? isn't enought to Just look at them autistically?

[spy-x-family]

i don't think tanjiro is the successor of sun breathing 'despite not being related to yoriichi'. i think it's that yoriichi is family to the kamados

in kny, family is whoever loves you. rui tries to make a family but ultimately fails not bc they're not blood related but bc he doesn't really love them. on the other hand, kanae, kocho, and kanao are sisters. zenitsu's master is his grandfather. inosuke's family were the boars (and then of course later, his birth mother kotoha, because tho he barely has any memories of her, he remembers she loved him dearly)

yoriichi was an unwanted child and later an unwanted brother when michikatsu's hatred for him festered and grew. he was rejected from the corps and only had the kamados. when he felt like his existence was worthless, it was the sumiyoshi who told him he deserved to be here as much as everyone else and made the effort to weave yoriichi into the family by passing down his earrings and sword form. he was rejected by his family but accepted by another. if family is whoever loves you, then that's yoriichi's people, and that love was why tanjiro succeeded him

[storybookstr4nge]

its 2018. fall out boy released mania, Brendon urie released pray for the wicked, and twenty one pilots released trench. supernatural is on season 14 without any signs of destiel. Voltron season 8 just came out and decimated both klance and its fanbase. the third trials of Apollo came out and made everybody miserable. dan and Phil are on tour, and the final Phil is not on fire came out. Tumblr is never going to be the same.

[lunarharp]

uhh another modern au agott follow-up. They've gotten progressively sillier

[puppyeared]

learning abt friendship decay and "not reaching out to your friends for months at a time unprompted is not neurotypical behaviour" has me feeling a certain way

[cryptocism]

cut him some slack he only just started listening to music

special thanks to @domnorian for their post opening my eyes to this dynamic and to @eyefocusing for thad’s outfit inspiration

[sexybritishllama]

i am soooo excited for the chaotic alliance raids you have no idea

[hooked-on-elvis]

[sciderman]

howard the duck (1976) #10

[pixelatedraindrops]

Yuma Month: Day 31: Post Game

…for the sake of the world’s happiness.