#sincerely good for you thats amazing guys but like. a fine amount of you love rubbing your popular ship in our faces

[tabuhaven]

I probably would've been more down with devildice if such a good chunk of the community wasn't so damn mean toward non-shippers/cup x boss shippers

[amazingphanisnotonfire-imagines]

Sweet Pea//you’re too hard to forget

Request: Hey!! Love your writing! Are you able to write a song imagine for the song lie to me by 5sos and Julia Michaels.. for reader x sweet pea when they broke up and seeing other people but still think of each other? Thankyou!! 🧡

hey! i looooove this song and i loved writing this! also it’s very angsty so be warned i hope you enjoy! 

Red Rose Hall is everything Toni and Cheryl hyped it up to be. High ceilings, bright white walls, soft gold decor, chandeliers, candlesticks that are definitely made out of solid gold and enough room in just the entrance to fit at least half of Riverdale’s population in. 

It seems half of Riverdale’s population is here tonight, as well as at least another 100 people that Sweet Pea has never met before. But what else does he expect from Cheryl and Toni. 

The invitation he’d received for their engagement would probably fit in as decor here, and he clutches it tightly as he walks through the large wooden doors. 

An older man in a suit offers him champagne and he takes it gratefully, suddenly feeling underdressed in the only suit he owns. He fiddles with his tie, trying to hide the ketchup stain that he can’t quite get out. 

“This is amazing.” A voice says in awe and suddenly he remembers that he isn’t here alone. “And this is just their engagement party?” Cece asks, her dark hair falling straight down her back and over her pale blue dress. 

“Er-yeah.” He says, handing her a glass of champagne. “Cheryl is very...out there.”

“You’re telling me.” She laughs and takes a sip. “Holy shit, is that an ice sculpture?” Her eyes widen and Sweet Pea follows her gaze until they’re both staring at a huge sculpture of Cheryl and Toni.

“That is-”

“Wonderful!” Cheryl’s cheery voice makes both Sweet Pea and Cece jump before turning around to face her. Toni stands beside her, and her and Sweet Pea share a look. 

It’s been well over a year since they last saw each other, but they don’t even have to say anything to know what the other is thinking. 

“Yes. Thats what I was just about to say.” Sweet Pea says, glancing quickly at Toni who stifles a laugh. “How are you Cheryl?” 

“Fantastic.” She replies. “Me and my future wife to be have been enjoying engaged life.” 

“You don’t need to tell us about that.” He interrupts and Cheryl hits his arm, sending him a sharp glare. 

“Not like that...but thats been great too.” She smirks and nudges Toni. “Are you going to introduce us?” She asks, staring straight at Cece. 

Sweet Pea sighs and braces himself for the grilling he’s going to get. Toni won’t be as bad, but Cheryl was more your friend than his, and now he’s brought a new woman, he’s definitely going to have to watch his back. 

Speaking of you, he wonders if you’re here. Of course you are. You’d never miss this, but the room is so big and he feels so small compared to it. He used to always be able to find you in a room, it was a secret talent of his, or maybe it was you just drawing him to yourself constantly. Tonight however, he can’t see you anywhere and he doesn’t know if thats a good or bad thing. 

“This is Cece.” He says and gestures to the woman holding onto his arm. She waves awkwardly at Toni and Cheryl and they both smile back at her. Cheryl’s is a lot faker than Toni’s but thankfully she doesn’t notice. “Cece, this is Toni and Cheryl.” 

“It’s really nice to meet you both.” Cece replies, a sweet smile on her face. It’s no where near yours, but that’s what Sweet Pea likes about her. She’s the complete opposite of you and thats just what he needs. “And congratulations.” 

“Thank you.” Toni says sincerely. 

“Yeah. Thank you.” Cheryl adds. “It was lovely seeing you again Sweet Pea, and nice meeting you Cece. But there’s lots of people here and we need to talk to everyone. You can put your gift on that table over there.” 

“We didn’t bring anythi-” 

“Money is fine.” She cuts him off, calling over her shoulder. 

“Sorry.” Toni mumbles before following Cheryl. 

Despite Cheryl’s grating personality, it’s nice to know not everything has changed since the last time he saw everyone. Cheryl is still as rude as ever, Toni still apologizes for her and they’re both still very extra. 

“Do they really need anymore presents?” Cece asks and points to the large table in the corner of the room. Its stacked full of gift bags and huge boxes and Sweet Pea’s eye widen at the sheer amount of stuff they probably already have. 

His eyes scan the room, looking out for anyone else he knows. Hopefully Fangs is around somewhere and three of them can sit at a table near the back until it’s acceptable to go to the very expensive rooms they’ve been forced into paying for and staying in tonight.  

He does find Fangs, standing with a grin on his face and two champagne glasses in hand as he talks to a guy with curly brown hair, glasses and a suit that looks like Sweet Pea pulled his out of the trash. 

His eyebrows furrow in confusion, he doesn’t remember Fangs mentioning a new boyfriend the last time they text. But when he looks at the guy properly, he notices he’s also holding two champagne glasses and now he’s even more confused. 

That is until he see’s you, approaching the pair of them with another girl walking beside you. You both stop the conversation you’re having to greet Fangs and the mystery guy and they hand each of you a champagne glass. 

The other girl stands beside Fangs and he quickly realizes its Jade from  school, he then chuckles quietly to himself, momentarily forgetting about you and whoever he is, because can you imagine Jade and Fangs together? They are definitely not each others type. 

His smile disappears however once he see’s you reach up and press a kiss to mystery guy’s cheek. 

You brought someone else. 

Okay, so did he, but that’s beside the point. 

You look good, but different. It’s been a year since you saw each other so he’s not surprised you’ve changed, he’s just surprised by how much. 

You look like a completely new person. Like you changed over night. Your hair is longer, your makeup and style different and you look confident. A lot more confident that the last time he say you. You still capture an entire room when you walk into it, but now its like you know you’re doing it. 

He feels frozen, everything about you is so different, yet it feels so familiar to him and he can’t stop looking at you. Even when you throw your head back in laughter at something Fangs has said and when you look around, acutely aware that someone is watching you. Even when you notice him looking at you from across the room, Sweet Pea still doesn’t look away. 

You send him a polite smile before turning your attention back to your new boyfriend. Sweet Pea continues to watch, hoping that you’ll glance at him again, but you don’t. You don’t even attempt to look at him again and he feels his heart sink. 

“Sweet Pea? Are you okay?” Cece asks, pulling him from his thoughts and his heart sinks even further at Cece’s worried expressions. He doesn’t deserve her and neither did you, which is why you’re both here with other people instead of each other. 

At least you look happy. Or at least you’re trying to. Your smile reaches your eyes, but it doesn’t make them light up like it used to. He wonders if he did that to you or if its because of the new guy you’re with. He hopes it wasn’t him, but he can’t shake the gut feeling that it was. 

“Yeah.” He nods, finally dragging his eyes away from your figure. They settle on Cece and she smiles at him warmly, but he can tell she noticed. There’s just a hint of disappointment resting behind her eyes. “I’m fine. Do you want to find our table?” He asks, wanting any excuse to get away from you and him. 

“Yeah okay.” She replies and grabs his hand, weaving him through the mass of people. 

He sits down, the gold chairs with large white cushions on them help him sink further into the depression he’s already falling into, purely because he knows the chairs alone probably cost more than his rent last month. 

He tries so hard to loose himself in having a good time with Cece, but he just can’t. He looks at her but ends up looking straight through her and back at you again. As Cece takes in the the small details of the large hall, Sweet Pea takes in the smaller details of you. 

You stand a little differently that how you did a year ago. Maybe its because whoever your new boyfriend is closer to your height than he is Sweet Pea’s, or maybe its the new found confidence you seem to have since Sweet Pea left. 

This time two years ago, both of you were staying in Cheryl and Toni’s New York apartment. It was a welcomed break from the busy jobs you were both desperately trying to hold down in order to keep your flat. 

You’d only been in New York for 2 days, but it was the best 2 days of your life. Toni and Cheryl had showed you around the city, the four of you doing some sightseeing and just enjoying seeing each other again. 

But just before going to bed on the second night, Sweet Pea got a phone call from his work saying they needed him in tomorrow morning, despite the fact he’d booked the week off. 

You’d only just managed to go to sleep, finding it difficult due to the loud roads and bright lights outside. You may have also moved to a busy city, but it was no where near as busy as New York, and so Sweet Pea tried desperately to pack as quietly as possible. 

You still woke up though, either sensing the empty space beside you or hearing the large thud of Sweet Pea tripping over his suitcase in the dark. You’d asked what he was doing and he felt so bad as he told you he had to go home. 

You were of course disappointed and his heart ached at the sight of you trying to hide it. He said you could stay and spend the rest of the week with Toni and Cheryl, but by the time he finished his sentence and multiple apologies you’d already changed your flights and were starting to pack. 

“We stay together remember.” You’d whispered in his ear on the plane. You then lay your head on his shoulder and even though he was tired and pissed beyond belief at his boss, he knew he’s got it right. You were definitely the one. 

Or at least thats what he thought. 

“Holy shit! Pea. I didn’t know you were coming to this!” Fangs is more than excited to see his best friend. He practically jumps on him and it causes Sweet Pea told jolt out of his thoughts at the weight of his friend embracing him. 

He returns the hug, a little too late but Fangs doesn’t seem to notice. He’s too busy introducing himself to Cece. She smiles in surprise at the energy of the stranger stood in front of her, but she shakes his hand anyway and introduces herself. 

“Don’t mind him. He’s had far too many ‘choni’ cocktails.” A voice deadpans from beside him and he sends the girl it came from a glare. “Hi Sweet Pea.” She waves at the tall serpent and he sends her a smile in return. 

“Hey Jade. How are you?” 

“Not good. I’ve been put on Fangs babysitting duty.” She huffs and takes a seat opposite the couple. Cece looks at Sweet Pea hesitantly before looking at the purple haired girl opposite her. 

“So how long have you and Fangs been together?” She asks in a small voice, but its met with loud laughter from Fangs, Jade and even Sweet Pea. 

“Babe, they’re not a couple.” Sweet Pea forces through laughter. 

“Well how am I supposed to know that. It’s not like you tell me anything about your friends.” She replies through a gritted smile and Jade and Fangs share an uncomfortable look. 

Sweet Pea coughs and stares at the napkin on the table, his finger traces the pattern gently and the four of them wait for something to change the sudden dull mood. 

A distraction comes, but it’s not a welcome one and Sweet Pea thinks he’d much rather snide comments from his girlfriend than whatever this is. 

“Hi guys.” You smile and wave at the small group. Your boyfriend stands behind you with a hand on your hip. He pushes his glasses up his nose before quickly moving to pull your seat out for you. You smile and sit beside Jade, giving her and Fangs a warm smile. Your boyfriend, who Sweet Pea still doesn’t know the name of sits on the other side of you, and he decides he doesn’t want to know the name of him. 

“Ryan, have you had one of these?” Fangs asks, trying his hardest to break the now awful atmosphere surrounding your table. It only makes it worse, because Sweet Pea knows his name and he hates it. 

Cece stares down at the silver bracelet dangling around her wrist, she plays with the charms and tries her hardest to will away the tears threatening to spill from her eyes. Sweet Pea seethes silently, glancing between the table, you and Ryan every so often. Fangs gulps, and plays with his hands, trying desperately to help his friend but nothing comes to mind. 

Jade sits back in her seat, sipping on her drink to try and hide a smile as she watches everyone silently. You sit awkwardly, your chin resting in your hand while you think of how to get out of this situation, and Ryan sits beside you, holding your free hand under the table and glancing at Sweet Pea nervously every so often. 

“No, I-er I haven’t no.” He shakes his head, gaining the attention and eyes of the five of you. 

“Good.” Jade replies. “They suck.” 

“How dare you.” Fangs glares at the girl but she just looks at him bored. 

“I’m sorry but if you name a drink after your ‘ship’ name, it automatically sucks. It could be the best tasting thing in the world, but as soon as its got a stupid name, it sucks.” She replies making Fangs huff. You and Sweet Pea stifle laughs at her sudden outburst and the two of you make brief eye contact before the moment is gone. 

“You’re so fun at parties. Did you know that?” 

“I did. Thats why I was your plus one.” 

“You were my plus one because we both got dumped right before thi-” He stops himself mid-sentence but the damage is done. You force yourself to look at Sweet Pea and are surprised to see he’s already looking back at you. 

“Well that got awkward fast.” Jade says, taking another long sip from her drink. “I’m getting another one. Anyone want to come with?” 

“I will.” You and Sweet Pea stand at the same time. 

“Its fine you go.” You say and sit down again. 

“No, no. You go.” He replies, also sitting back down. 

“Are you sure?” You ask. 

He nods quickly before starting a conversation with Cece. Cece talks about how pretty your outfit is and he nods along, not really paying attention. 

The only thing he can think of is you. 

And how he wishes the two of you never met. 

The thought makes something twist in his gut, but it’s true. When you met, he remembers thinking how lucky he was to have been in the right place at the right time. He knew he’d never forget you from the moment you met. And he was right. You are too hard to forget, no matter how bad he wants to. 

It doesn’t help when there’s little reminders of you no matter where he goes. A certain smell reminds of of your perfume, a certain taste and he’s taken back to your first date eating Pop’s takeout in the parking lot because there wasn’t enough seats inside. 

When you left, he tried to erase every part of you. Every trace of you was taken from the apartment you’d shared. He was angry at you of course, you’d argued and shouted just as much as he did, but he was more angry at himself for letting you go. 

He’d cleaned the shattered glass from the floor, caused by you slamming the door a mere five minutes earlier, and he learnt later that you’d gone to a co-workers house for ‘support’ and ended up in his bed. 

He knows you don’t love him anymore. Why would you? He said some of the worst things anybody had ever said to you, kicked you out of your home and ignored you for a year after. But he hopes if he asked, you’d lie to him. ----

It’s 3am and you’re still awake. The last of the guests have only just gone to bed and you can hear them stumbling and giggling as they pass your room. 

The moonlight streams in through a gap in the dark curtain and it casts a soft glow over Ryan’s bare chest and face. His lips are parted and soft snores echo around the room making you feel even more alone. 

You pull your legs up to your chest and wrap your arms around yourself, resting your head on your knees. 

Ryan had pressed gentle kisses up and down your neck while the two of you slow danced, his hands had wandered along your body and he’d whispered words in your ears that made you blush and look around, making sure no one else was looking. 

Nobody was, not even Sweet Pea and you felt a familiar twang of disappointment at that. But nonetheless, you said your goodbye’s to your friends, thanked Cheryl and Toni for the invite and told them congratulations for probably the fourth night, before Ryan had you pinned against the elevator wall, kissing you like his life depended on it. 

Now you sit awake, to busy thinking about Sweet Pea holding onto somebody else the way he used to. Sweet Pea could always sense if you were awake, it was like a weird gift he had. If you couldn’t sleep, he knew. And he would pull you tight to his chest and stroke your hair gently while whispering nonsense in your ear. 

Ryan sleeps through anything, which means you’ve spent a lot of lonely nights looking up at the moon. It’s seems the two of you are friends now, but tonight she’s taunting you and you sigh deeply. 

This was supposed to be a happy occasion, a chance to see all your friends again. But you feel anything but happiness. 

Your mind wanders to last year, and the way you stared at the moon back then. Only it didn’t end with tight cuddles and sweet whispers. It ended in a fight, a break up and the biggest mistake of your life. You walking out and giving up on you and Sweet Pea forever. 

You were thinking about New York, and how you should go go back sometime when Sweet Pea stirred beside you, asking the same sleepy question of ‘are you okay?’ 

‘Yeah’ you’d replied, settling into his arms and letting your eyes flutter closed. ‘Just thinking about when we could go back to New York.’ 

You honestly hadn’t meant anything more of it. Literally just wondering if you had any weeks off. But Sweet Pea was tired and stressed and took it as an attack. You tried to tell him you didn’t mean it like that, but he wasn’t listening and so you gave up trying to reason with him. 

You fought, cried and then you stormed out, not bothering to look back. 

You ran, even though it was right. 

You have a deep need to do it again. The rooms seems to be slowly suffocating you and you need to get out asap. You grab your dressing gown and slip some shoes over your feet before slipping out the door and into the dimly lit corridor.  It’s a welcome quiet to the thoughts screaming in your head and you take a moment to take in the beauty of the place. It might only be a corridor, but it’s a damn pretty one. 

With no destination in mind, you start to wander around the large hall. Eventually settling on a window seat right in the corner of the building. It looks out into the garden and the moonlight casts it in a fairytale like glow. It looks magical and you feel yourself calm down a little. Your heart rate goes back to normal and your breathing slows. Thats until you feel a presence beside you and the cushion your sat on dips as another joins you. 

Pulling your gaze away from the window, they settle on a pajama clad Sweet Pea and your expressions softens.  

“What do you want Pea?” You ask, the easiness of the nickname surprises the both of you. 

“I woke up a while ago and couldn’t get back to sleep. I figured you were awake somewhere.” He shrugs, leaning his back against the window and you watch a shiver crawl up his spine at the cold. 

“How do you know I wouldn’t be in my room?” You ask, turning your attention back to the sky. 

“I dunno.” He shrugs. “But I remember after a while, if you couldn’t sleep you used to get up and wander.” 

“Oh.” You say quietly and look back at him. “I never did that with you.” 

“You did. Once when we first got together.” He replies. 

“I don’t remember.” 

“I do.” He shrugs. “Why do you think I used to wake up? I didn’t want you wandering the streets at night.” 

“Thank you.” You say sincerely, looking him in the eye. He clears his throat and looks away. 

“Its whatever.” 

“Its not whatever Sweet Pea.” You say making him look at you. “Its really sweet.” He looks away as soon as you make eye contact and the two of you are left to sit in silence. 

“Do you ever wish we never met?” You ask and he quickly looks at you. 

“I er-” He stutters, unsure of what to say. Because he does, but even now he doesn’t want to hurt you. 

“I do.” You reply and he feels himself shatter. The whole illusion that he’d built you up to be, what you’d be doing now that you’re no longer in his life has been broken. 

“Thanks.” He huffs and crosses his arms over his chest. A small pout makes its way to his lips and you roll your eyes at the sight of it. 

“Don’t tell me you don’t feel the same.” You argue. “I saw the way you looked at me before. There was more regret in your eyes than there was when Fangs ate all of those out of date pies.” 

“That was funny though.” Sweet Pea chuckles. 

“Yeah.” You join in. “Up until the hospital visit.” You add and the two of you frown. 

“You’re impossible to forget you know Sweet Pea.” You say out of nowhere and his eyebrows raise. 

“You too Y/n.” He replies, sadness lacing his tone and the two of you both stare out into the garden. 

“But I have to.” You stand suddenly and he looks at you confused. 

“What?” 

“We have to try and forget each other.” 

“Y/n, our best friends are getting married. I’m the best man and you’re maid of honour. We’re always going to be in each other’s life. It’s going to be pretty impossible to forget each other.” 

“Well, maybe if someone hadn’t have dumped me for no reason then we wouldn’t have to do all this awkward shit.” You snap, a years worth of feeling bubbling up to the surface. 

You’ve had enough. He did this, he started it and now he doesn’t want to end it. 

“Excuse me?” Sweet Pea asks, his voice raising as he also stands. “You’re the one that walked out.” 

“Because you told me to! Whatever Sweet Pea. I’ll see you around.” You huff and storm off into the dark hallway. “And so hi to Cece for me.” 

“Only if you say hi to Ryan for me.” He calls angrily after you. 

He watches you walk away and curses himself for letting you do that again. 

“Babe? Where have you been?” Ryan’s voice is groggy as he turns his head to face you. 

“Do you love me?” You ask suddenly and slip into bed beside him. The moonlight still shines in through the curtains, but the glow it casts into the room is cold. 

You know he doesn’t, he knows he doesn’t, but it doesn’t matter. You’d rather a sweet lie than a bitter reality. So he takes a deep breath, his hair falls into his face but you don’t bother moving it, not wanting to ruin the fabricated moment you’re desperately trying to believe in. 

“I do, yeah.”

[princesssarcastia]

Infinity War

Spoilers below.

Okay, umm?? uMMMM??? wow.  rude.  

If I'm rating this movie, I'd have to give it....like 7/10.  There were some FUCKING AWESOME bits and some NOT SO AWESOME bits.  

First of all, they juggled 20+ main characters very, very well. No one felt marginalized, no storyline uninteresting. The “most ambitious crossover event in history” was very well executed purely on that point. 

Second of all, I’m definitely going to see this movie again; not because I'm not sure about it, but because I genuinely enjoyed watching it. 

Pepper!! And Tony!!! Talking!!!!!!! amazing.  I’m not super chill with pepper still being Anti Suit™ but they clearly love and enjoy each other; they’re finally...comfortable, and its so nice. 

Everyone was worried about how Wanda was going to be there just to feel sad about vision, but I thought they did well with that! There was definitely a huge amount of Being Sad About Vision but I feel like struggling with the decision to kill your boyfriend is interesting enough. Also, her being powerful enough to destroy the mind stone and hold off thanos at the same time was a fucking trip, I really enjoyed that.

The bit where Bruce talked about Vision being a product of JARVIS, Ultron, and Tony was sooooo satisfying, like yes, Vision, you are tony and bruce and JARVIS’s brainchild. ha!

I think the part that bugged me the most was Gamora.  Fucking killing her off for fucking manpain, I stg.  Peter’s reaction was completely normal! Of course you’d want to smash his face in!! but see, thats the only reason Gamora is dead: so Peter’s admittedly very smart plan would go kaploey due to his own emotional response.  I'm really mad about this.

And hey, props to PQ for actually trying to shoot gamora like she asked him to.  It was killing him, but he promised, he swore on his mother; usually when people make promises like that it doesn’t pay off, they chicken out or miss their shot, but not this time.  even Thanos baiting him didn’t work.  

Another thing I’m mad about is Loki.  This is, what his third time dying?? Fourth time????? its not emotional or impactful anymore.  just kinda...oh, he’s dead.....again......okay............sure. like get a new schtick. Whats that tweet, about killing people just before they get what they want, that its shitty writing?? yeah, it is.  do you know how funny it would have been for Loki to have a “zuko here” moment with the other Avengers? much more satisfying than another fucking death scene.  Also, the liesmith just...tries to stab thanos, wow, okay.  

Wong is invited to Tony’s wedding, props. 

Tom Holland as Peter Parker is the best part of this movie, hands down. Charming and adorable and a really competent fighter, and his interactions with Tony are wonderrrfullll I loved them.  And his death scene was the absolute best one out of all of them.  he was like “I feel funny” and I’m like SHIT SHIT SHIT NO. “I’m sorry” oh my god, child, nooo, it’s not your fault!!! agh. I love him. 

On the subject of death, I’m pretty torn about how everyone is dead.  Yeah, it was meant to be devastating, but...PP’s death was the only one you really felt, because he was freaking out and so was Tony.  There had to be that kind of reaction to feel it, because we all know everyone is going to be fine at the end of the next movie; they’ll just use the infinity stones to bring them back. So the lack of reaction for everyone else is a bit of a letdown.

I’m intrigued by the idea that Tony Stark has to be alive for them to win; Strange said he’d seen only one reality where they beat Thanos, and then gave up the time stone when Tony was about to die.  The prodigal son who started the marvel universe has to save it.  And since everyone was sure that Tony would be the first to go, myself included, this is one good example of subverting expectations.

Bruce and the Hulk’s Dr.-Jekyl-Mr.-Hyde bit was kinda funny. I liked how Thanos delivered a beatdown on the hulk, because it was an example of training overcoming brute strength.

Heimdall??? dying??? um how about no.  my favorite asgardian is not allowed to die, 0/10 doctors recommend.  (he was crucial but his death was unsatisfying, just like Loki’s. there’s honestly not much about the scene on the Ark that I liked beyond the Hulk thing)

Thanos is alright as a villain.  His reason for committing genocide is kinda stupid, but can there actually be a good reason for genocide? not really.  the fact that he loved gamora is TOTALLY DEBATABLE I'm not cool with that. also pUT THAT HELMET BACK WHERE IT CAME FROM OR SO HELP ME–

Thor has armor and a cape again, which confuses me because he looks much better in asymmetrical leathers, but thats an aesthetic thing.  His bromance with  rocket was very satisfying.  Groot making the handle for Thor’s new axe out of himself is priceless, although I’m a little disappointed they didn’t continue the idea of Thor being just as if not more powerful without his hammer. and that moment when they show up in Wakanda??? good shit, good shit.  chills man. was it falcon who was like “well u guys are fuckkng screwed now!” ? I concur, sam.

The moment when you realize Thor fucked up, oh shit he really fucked up, was also cool.  Its not stupid to aim for his chest; on any other man, it would have worked, and the battle would be over.  It just wasn’t enough this time. 

Gamora and Thanos both doing the “snap of his fingers” thing is a haunting echo.

notice how all the original avengers are still alive? we are definitely getting a boy-band reunion in the next movie, which I sincerely can’t wait to see. 

overall, I’m not disappointed by this movie.  there were parts they could have done better, but marvel hit all the big checkpoints with Infinity War, Pt. I.

[chaosbisexual]

list of discoveries over 2017

hi so,, 2017 has been,,, quite a fucking year. and over the course of the past few months, i’ve been making a list of things that i’ve learnt over this year. some of it is trivial and some of it is important as hell, but it’s all helped shaped 2017. here’s what i discovered. 

if u dont wanna read or see what i’ve learned, it’s cool, it’s under the cut if u so choose :)

exercise actually does release endorphins and makes you feel good. walking and gentle exercise is still good and it doesnt have to be at the gym or intense

travelling is good for your soul.

anxiety isnt forever, it comes and goes. and there are ways to feel better

it’s not all your fault 

people doing the things they love and seeing that smile when they’re happy is the best thing in the world.

platonic handholding is important 

music is also good for the soul (this isnt news to anyone but its nice)

don’t give up what makes you happy 

you don’t have to be afraid to put your content out there. it’s yours and people will like it. and you dont have to do it for anyone anyway

you’re restless so stay at home days are only good in small amounts

baths are nice,,, rlly you should have them more often

dont drink caffeinated drinks when you’re anxious. stick to water and decaffeinated tea.

working. in a job is tiring and anxiety inducing but you will be rewarded ($$$)

you’re really not a bad person 

achievements can outweigh mistakes if you let them  

lillian ( @thelouvvre ) and hannah ( @acestephendene ) have the most adorable voices and skype makes you love them more (SKYPE THEM MORE OFTEN THEYRE CUTE AS FUCK)

you make big mistakes. and thats okay. you fuck up and you will keep doing that and its human.

if you hurt someone, apologise and deal with it as sincerely as possibly. it is as human to hurt as it is to breathe, whether you are hurt or doing the hurting. 

november = good music 

you’re gonna stop being hurt by the things that are hurting you. the person who you thought would always stay in your head, the person you thought you would never get over,,, you’re gonna get over it. it’s gonna take a whole lot of time and a hella confusing 6 months, but december has you looking back and realising huh. i don’t feel that way about them anymore. 

your family = lighting fires, ride or die (this is not a metaphor my cousins rlly like fire) 

reaching for goals is great, looking forward is amazing, but always take a moment to appreciate what is around you. the way your friends laugh, the music you like now, how tall your step brother is right this second, how the leaves look this time of year. later you’re gonna look back and wish you were paying more attention. 

friends ! platonic relationships ! so important !

you’re a fucking emotional mess, disaster, catastrophe. but you know what else you are? fucking sixteen years old. you’re allowed to be a mess and you’re allowed to be dealing with shit. 

writing in the backyard at midnight = good content 

haps. just,,, haps. happy naps 

u make at least 3 bad decisions in a day ok it’s just expected at this point. BUT ur gonna get better at it and ur gonna start lookin after urself,,, eventually

boys are fucking confusing. just,,, trust me they’re so confusing i don’t know why i only discovered that this year but BOYS SUCK 

GIRLS HOWEVER ARE FUCKING CUTE AND ADORABLE BUT UR GAY ASS IS TOO AWKWARD TO FLIRT SO,,, 

sometimes,,, life is a fucking soap opera. but its all okay.

memories fuckingn hurt. okay remembering that thing that you did with that person and how it felt and how stupid/happy you were stings. but better days are ahead.  and one day, nostalgia is gonna come and rear its head again, but even then, there’ll still be more amazing things coming for you.

what ifs also fucking hurt. because so many things could have gone differently and they didnt and it’s not great and you’re probably always gonna wish that things went better and that you kissed them or that they said or didnt say that thing or didnt end up w that person but you’re both gonna move on and be just fine. 

you’re gonna be okay and do just fine. you are gonna have an amazing life. 

A HUGE THANK U TO; @gaygaea @umcharlie @w-byers @acestephendene @thelouvvre @jediparkers @lucypcvensie @georgiehenley @childoftimeandmagic @annalightwood @freyasgayshakespeareplace @mayasderen @theflerpyfail @hpwritersnet. thank you so so much for every kind thing you have all done for me. this year has had a lot of downs, but seein each of u on my feed and in my life has made it that much better. so thank you, from the bottom of my heart. 

and the year2020 squad; u guys probs wont see this but if u do; ur all assholes, but i love u guys more than tea and breaking things. 

i hope everyone has an amazing 2018. 

[bechloeficstuff]

Best Quotes of Experimentation

Hey @redlance, remember that anon? That was me. My “collection” of your quotes sprinkled with my thoughts turned out a mess tbh, and it’s kinda really late, and way too long, but here you go anyways:

Best Quotes of Experimentation, aka The Bechloe Bible™. Chapters 1-35.

[or: what you should read if u love that fic but ur too lazy for a whole reread.]

Beca smiles a little, relieved, and tries not to shift under Chloe’s touch. She doesn’t find it comfortable, not exactly.” - Chapter 1 in the middle - because thAT’S THE FEELING THATS THE FEELING EXACTLY

“It’s fine.” She’s quick to say and now her smile is too wide, the wrong kind of bright.  - Chapter 1 towards the end - “the wrong kind of bright“ really nails it. i love your word choice.

She doesn’t really want to talk to anyone right now, because even though they know better than to expect an immediate explanation or apology – and she swears that it isn’t because she’s an asshole, just super awkward – Beca will still feel like she has to give one. - Chapter 2 relatively in the middle - you’re entirely to hashtag relatable, this is Not Okay™ (jk i lov u)

And Chloe loves this. Love being given the opportunity to sit back and take in moments like these. Her best friends interacting around her, the enormous sense of family and comfort that they give her. - Chapter 7 relatively at the beginning - friends fill my heart with warmth, as does this quote

“Two girls, one cup.” It leaves her in a rush and she covers her face with her hands the second she's finished saying it. Chloe's mouth actually falls open. “That's disgusting.” She gasps after a moment, sounding thoroughly appalled. “I know.” Beca sounds so forlorn and defeated, like she's committed some heinous, ignominious offence. Chloe thinks it might be the most adorable thing she's ever witnessed. - Chapter 7 in the middle somewhere - a good example about how abso-fucking-lutely talented you are in describing feelings and the little changes in them through facial expressions in so much detail without it ever getting boring or dry - also it’s really funny :D

So, um,” excellent start, “when you said that,” and her on and off eye contact is in top form today, “that thing about wanting to kiss me?” - Chapter 8, middle - made me laugh :D

“Sorry.” She mumbles, suddenly sombre, and brushes the back of her hand against her nose. “I just...” A sigh escapes her and she hates how sad and pathetic it sounds. She hates feeling like this; weak and worthless and mopy. Because God, she hates moping. More so when other people do it because it makes her all uncomfortable and she never knows what to do. She would love to be able to tell Chloe something other than the truth. Joke that she was waiting for the redhead so they could pick up where they left off in Stacie's car. “I didn't want anyone else to find me.” What comes out though, is the truth. Which is usually how things with Chloe go. - Chapter 11, lower middle - resonated within me

also: some comparisons or phrases i was too lazy to also copy+paste. like for example chloe or beca uttering something that was like a "drunkenly conceived lovechild between a whine and a groan" or something like that or:

The earrings, her tone, and what Aubrey had later coined as Beca's “fuck off smile”.  - Chapter 12 at the beginning ...stuff like that u know. i really like how you put the words together so well (idk how to say that in good english. you obviously would know tho, and that’s the point)

And she only realises that Chloe is awake when she feels her press a smile into her shoulder. - Chapter 13, lower half  - this fluff is giving me diabetes i swear to god

“I can't leave anyone alone for five minutes around here. You bitches all end up drunk off your tits or gayer than Elton John, God rest his soul.” Beca presses her face into her pillow. “Elton John isn't dead, Amy. - Chapter 13, lower half - bc that was fucking funny 😂

"You know that's what they all say, right? 'One thing led to another' and then bam." Beca makes the mistake of taking a drink from her straw as he speaks. "You're pregnant." And it almost results in what Jesse would refer to a 'spit take', but she manages to keep the liquid inside of her mouth. Just barely. "Yeah, um," she wipes her thumb across her bottom lip to catch the thin smear of dribbled drink, “weirdly? Not worried about that.” - Chapter 14, relative beginning - i think i snorted pretty badly when i read that and i feel like people don’t appreciate your comedic talent enough

Amy's face contorts under the strain of her determination and Cynthia Rose pre-emptively clutches at the oversized knit blanket that they sometimes have to throw over the Aussie to get her to calm her down. - Chapter 14, end of first quarter(?) - the amy related humor just kept getting better and better. your characterization of her is also scarily accurate, i doubt that the movie writers could’ve come up with better stuff tbh

but they haven't been able to come this far in their friendship without Beca learning how to read Chloe. Chloe's kind of like a well-worn paperback at this point, even feels a little ragged around her edges, and so Beca can probably see the panic Chloe feels herself spirally towards after her reaction. - Chapter 15, first half - i love love love good comparisons and metaphors

something rattles behind her ribcage, jostled by the term of endearment. - Chapter 16, last third - beautiful yet accurate description of that feeling

she can see clear sky blue eyes – mischievous, sincere; Chloe's natural state – staring at her over the tops of her knees - Chapter 16, last third - bc imagining that just made me fall in love with the amazing character that is your version of chloe beale all over again ugh god

“Oh my god, it's like I lose control of my body when I’m around you.” The words come out as a rushed whisper, once again without her conscious consent - Chapter 16, last third - bc it was an unexpected yet very pleasant plot point

Beca feels her pulse quicken. It's a familiar beat, one that inevitably starts up whenever she's about to make a move, because initiating things isn't usually within her comfort zone.  - Chapter 16, at the end - bc you can just relate to that a lot as a reader

Chloe's protest is punctuated in all the wrong place by giggles that continually tug at the edges of Beca's smile.  - Chapter 18, towards the end - really nice description

Because she is really, genuinely sore and Chloe does give truly magical massages and it has nothing to do with Beca missing the feeling of her hands on her, because that would be weird. - Chapter 19, beginning - Beca’s sad attempts at denial are gold material :D

“I was conceived on the steps of the Sydney Opera House.” - Chapter 25, lower half - because I could genuinely hear Rebel Wilson saying that in a PP movie. (see: frighteningly spot-on characterization of amy)

There are butterflies mating in her stomach, she knows it. - Chapter 25, towards the end - :D

She can still recall the first time it had stormed after her father's death. - Chapter 26, relative beginning - because you don't expect the end of the sentence and it hits you pretty hard. in the feels. am i ok? not really

And Chloe can't help herself; she twists her head around and brushes her nose against the soft skin of Beca's neck before straining just enough to place a kiss to the same spot - Chapter 26, towards the end - bc that wording "can't help herself" is so accurate

Beca, who whimpers into Chloe's mouth when the redhead presses closer and deepens the kiss, and sucks a sharp breath in when Chloe's hand closes tightly around Beca's arm. Beca, who lets Chloe kiss her for far, far too long given their whereabouts before jerking away. - Chapter 26, end - bc the timing and description and everything of that kiss shows the amount of tension between those two and it's just weirdly perfect idk

Generally, Chloe aggressively and shamelessly flirting the whole time they're on that couch in those moments is my jam

Beca feels fingertips wriggling into the gap at the junction of her thumb and forefinger, and turning her hand over. It's a gesture that has been familiar for a long time now, but lately the way it effects her seems to have changed. It makes her feel extra warm or something. Nervous. - Chapter 27, middle - because every line that subtly confirms that those guys are crushing on each other makes me giddy

Because she always needs that minute of pause it seems, to re-centre, to come back to earth after a moment with Chloe. Especially one like that. Involving hands and mouths, and Chloe telling her she looks good, which so hadn't been something Beca had been hoping to hear at all. If anyone asks. - Chapter 31, beginning - made me smirk. (see: Beca’s attempts at denial)

Chloe takes the silence with that same exact smile and Beca feels those earlier butterflies return, their wings flapping as though they're rushing through the Great Stomach Migration. She swallows the rest of the glass in an attempt to drown them. - Chapter 34, first half - i’m just such a slut for a funny yet good comparison tbh

'Word vomit' has been a term she's identified with a few times over the years and she feels it now. The acrid after-taste of having said something potentially damaging lingers in the silence that follows and it probably doesn't last that long, but it feels like a lifetime passes before Chloe speaks. - Chapter 34, lower half - never thought about the aftertaste comparison of word vomit and i like it

“I thought she was dead,” Beca manages to whisper through her laughter, once the older woman is definitely out of earshot - Chapter 35, relative beginning - hilarious scene :D

Okay so obviously there were more parts that I liked but during some Chapters I just wasn’t motivated to copy+paste everything. Also; I hope the way I cited the quotes is okay, I didn’t know how else to do it. And finally, sorry for my messy thoughts and maybe incorrect English, I’m not a native speaker but I try 😅

Okay, so. Concluding statement. This story made me feel so many types of good things, not only as a Confused Questioning Gay™ that could relate, but also as a reader and human. I’m in love with this story and your writing style and your three-dimensional characters. Every new chapter is so worth the wait, and I hope you don’t get too much pressure from the angry anons; they don’t deserve you.

Thank you @redlance​ so much for writing this story.

[singingpuddle]

My commentary whilst watching Buzzfeedblue’s “The Horrors of Pennhurst Asylum”

Sup, ya spooks. Here we go again.

(Btw I was reading this amazing Destiel fic on AO3 before doing this so that might leak through a little.)  (link here)

Warning:

1. I ship them, if you don’t that’s cool with me.

2. This post is super long

3. I long for the day I no longer have to cross out the boy in boyfriend when it comes to these two. this will be abundantly clear by the amount of times i do

4. After a little bit i will stop putting full names, so just know.

5.I recommend watching the video along with or before going through this post, because if you haven’t seen it you will be lost.

R=Ryan and S=Shane

****************************************************************************************************

Me: Not even five seconds in and he already spooked.

****************************************************************************************************

Me: Shane you look like a twink, Ryan... you look like a smaller twink.

R: Not even a minute in and she is starting with the gay stuff.

Me: Touché

****************************************************************************************************

Me: Could you not do the speedy uppy thing, it gets on my nerves? ... Thank

****************************************************************************************************

Me: You always do this Rye, you psych your self up and get scared easier because of it.

****************************************************************************************************

(+1 for the way Ryan looks at Shane)

****************************************************************************************************

Me: Ok, that was cute.

R: What?

Me: The way Shane tilted his head subconsciously.

R: ok??

Me: Usually people tilt their head like that when they are worried or are being sincere.

R: Meaning?

S: It means I give a shit about your mental health.

R: sure...

****************************************************************************************************

Me: Why does this feel like the haunted house version of the ‘follow me’ pictures. Am i the only one getting those vibes.

S: Show me.

Me: Hmm?

S: Common, at this point I know you made a visual aid.

Me: *sigh* fine, you caught me

S: Its’s beautiful, Im gonna hang it on my wall forever.

****************************************************************************************************

(+10 for adorable boyfriend duo Buzz-cut Un-bald)

****************************************************************************************************

Me: Boi... Hes wearing Heterosexual beige™

R: And we arent matching, so you can say its gay.

Me: Ugh... fine. For once its not gay... lies. its still gay somehow.

R: How?

Me: IDK, but it just is.

****************************************************************************************************

(+2 for the boys looking good)

(+1 for the reappearance of Shane “Hearteyes” Madej)

****************************************************************************************************

(+200 for Pure Smiley Boys)

(+1 for Ryan “my boyfriend’s smile is so cute” Bergara)

****************************************************************************************************

Me: Just a side note, it makes me so happy to see these two so comfortable together. Like Ryan keeps on looking over to/at Shane as if he is the only thing keeping his heartbeat on tempo, and I love it. And Shane has been cracking more jokes specifically for Ryan, because he knows if he doesn't Ryan might get too scared to move and might actually have a mental breakdown. Which, even with his joking, its clear he doesn't want to happen. It also seems like Ryan's laugh has this calming effect on him, makes him feel more comfortable. Even if its all platonic, I really like seeing how close they have become.

****************************************************************************************************

Me: oh shit, look at Sassmaster Rye over here, fucking your shit up.

(+1 for those honey ass boys cockroaches)

****************************************************************************************************

(+5 for the return of Ryan “my boyfriend is an idiot and that’s kinda why I love him” Bergara)

****************************************************************************************************

Me: Okay... that’s fucking weird.

****************************************************************************************************

Me: Oh Bouy, I would have been thrown in so fast. I got ADHD, and it was super bad when i was young.

S: Explains your random commentary schedule.

Me: Oh shove it Madej.

****************************************************************************************************

Me: Poor C.C.

(hey um, people editing the video... can you not zoom in on the text whislt its scrolling.)

****************************************************************************************************

Me: WHO LET THIS GUY THROUGH MEDICAL SCHOOL?? ARE THEY OKAY?? IS THERE FAMILY OKAY??

****************************************************************************************************

Me: That seems a bit off...

S: Well that is the point we’re making.

****************************************************************************************************

Me: It just sound like your clothes rubbing together to me, but what can I say, wasn’t there.

****************************************************************************************************

Me: It looks like a Labyrinth tbh.

****************************************************************************************************

(+1 for my good boys trying to spread their good gay vibes)

****************************************************************************************************

(+1 for Shane joking to calm down Ryan)

****************************************************************************************************

Me: Damn Sally sure is busy.

S: Hm???

Me: The wall right behind you has “Sally” spray painted on it.

****************************************************************************************************

Me: Okay, its one thing if it was a normal sized doll. But a tiny one makes it like 10x creepier.

S: I dont get it, a doll, is a doll, is a doll.

Me: Its a small little doll, in a huge haunted space. It has absolutly no reason to be there, perfectly proped up on the pillows. I dont know why, but it makes me uncomfortable.

****************************************************************************************************

Me: Its evil i say, EVIL.

****************************************************************************************************

(+1 for goofy mystery boyfriends)

****************************************************************************************************

(+2 for this whole conversation)

(-1 for the new zoom in thing)

****************************************************************************************************

Me: Hey look, its Shane.

****************************************************************************************************

Me : Im spooked.

S:Why?

Me: That fucking song gives me nightmares.

R: It is a creepy song ill grant you. But nightmares?

Me: You dont understand. When i heard this song it was a creepy robot singing it, it was all frame work. Im getting antsy just thinking about the thing.

R: Ah, now i get it.

****************************************************************************************************

Me: Admiring the art Mr. Madej

S: Why yes Ms. Todd, this particular piece right here is fascinating.

Me: Are you hoping life imitates art Mr. Madej.

S: Always Ms. Todd.

Me,R&S: *Bursts out laughing*

R: You guys are so weird, I swear.

Me: Your one to talk Rye Bread.  The Rap videos.

R: *cringing* Touché

****************************************************************************************************

Me: Tbh, thats kinda pretty. Can i get on of those for like Photography?

****************************************************************************************************

S: You know, if we werent in some creepy asylum, its call this kinda romantic.

R: But we are, so shut up.

****************************************************************************************************

(+1 for Shane joking to calm his boyfriend down)

****************************************************************************************************

Me: Cute, let the kiddo play my dudes.

****************************************************************************************************

R: “His dirty man hands.”

Me: You know sometimes you make my job to easy.

(+1 for Ryan “Im smiling because my boyfriend’s a doof” Begara)

****************************************************************************************************

Me & Ryan: *Laughing our asses off*

Me: Hes a fucking five year old.

****************************************************************************************************

Howie: You know what its okay. Most people just tough my plane, but you look like your having fun. Ill let it go this once.

****************************************************************************************************

Me: His name is fisher... and Howie likes to play with a Fisher price airplane?

R: idk man, maybe Howie and Fisher are friends or somthing.

Me: Or somthing.

****************************************************************************************************

(+10 for Shane “I know my boyfriend really fucking well” Madej)

****************************************************************************************************

R: *SHOOK*

Me: Ah, there’s our boy.

****************************************************************************************************

Me: Ok... this is adorabe Ryan never cracks jokes in these situations.

****************************************************************************************************

Me: You looks so proud Shay.

S: I am.

(+3 for smiley boyfriends)

****************************************************************************************************

(+ 20 for smiley boyfriends)

****************************************************************************************************

Me: You okay Shane?

S: Why would I not be?

Me: You do know that heroin used to be considered medicine right.

S: Im aware.

Me: Isnt your greatst fear being stabbed with a heroin needle?

S: Oh... Shit. *non- visibly shook*

(+1 for the way to long needle in the picture.

****************************************************************************************************

Me: Your only JUST getting the dowsing rods. Eh gads, I thought y’all already had them and didnt use them. they arent you res or no answers. they are for finding lay lines. At least that’s what i’ve heard.

R: Whats your source on that one?

Me: a BBC special that had Colin Morgan and Bradly James trying to find out as much as they could about The real Merlin and Arthur.

R: Oh, cool.

****************************************************************************************************

(+10 for Shane playfully teasing his boyfriend)

****************************************************************************************************

Me: Im worried Rye. Are you okay?

****************************************************************************************************

Me: OH MY FUCKING GOD. You would think i wouldnt find it annoying after not hearing it for a week but... GODDAMN.

(+1 for Rye’s derp face)

****************************************************************************************************

Me: Why was this part not shown earlier?

S: He was talking about how he wanted to suck me off so we couldnt put it in.

R: *socks shane in the arm* Shut up both of you.

****************************************************************************************************

Me: Two bros, standing in a recording booth, no feet apart cuz they're both gay.

R:Ugh

Me: Dude it literally looks like Shanes arm is around your waist.

R: ... fine.

****************************************************************************************************

Me: tbh they sound the same to me.

****************************************************************************************************

Me: He squat.

****************************************************************************************************

Me: Why are you like this Shane?

****************************************************************************************************

Me: Dont.

Me: OMG Ryan.

****************************************************************************************************

(+1 for smiley Ryan)

****************************************************************************************************

Me: Hoe don’t do it.

R: “Individually.”

Me: Oh my god.

****************************************************************************************************

Me: Aww look at my adorable little boyo.

****************************************************************************************************

Me: And the beanpole enters hell.

****************************************************************************************************

S: “Ryan’s Gonna hate this.”

(+20 for Shane “I know my boyfriend really fucking well” Madej)

****************************************************************************************************

Me: Are you shook... for him? Is all of Shanes shook energy pushed into you?

R: *shook* Seemingly

****************************************************************************************************

Me: Ryan, you have used this multiple times. We get it.

****************************************************************************************************

Me: Correction, person who spray painted that, you are trespassing. They are legally allowed to be here... as far as we know.

****************************************************************************************************

Me: I don’t think ghosts can paint.

****************************************************************************************************

Me: Are you guys sure there isn't more room in that studio? Also the word your looking for is Rorschach. A Rorschach test.

****************************************************************************************************

(+1 for Shane teasing his boyfriend)

****************************************************************************************************

Me: Side note, it seems like, to Ryan, every word that Shane says is loaded with this electricity. He loves it, craves it and, gets a buzz off of it. Its like it ignites this feeling of pure joy inside of him. That’s what it seems like to me.

****************************************************************************************************

Me: Is that a... complement?

S: Thank You Ryan

****************************************************************************************************

(+10 for Harry Potter Reference)

****************************************************************************************************

S: Don’t you just want me to shut the hell up.

Me: I like how Shane is just using the same logic that he uses with Ryan.

****************************************************************************************************

Me: Oy boy...

****************************************************************************************************

Me: Shane stop being an encouraging jackass.

(+1 for how cool Ryan’s eyes look)

****************************************************************************************************

Me: Look at that smug ass smile. Yet he still looks so-

Me& R: Handsome.

Me: Rye?

R: You didnt hear that.

Me: Hear what?

****************************************************************************************************

S: “He is going to hate this.”

(+10 for Shane “I know my boyfriend really fucking well” Madej)

(+10 for the fact Shane was listening to Ryan from the other room)

****************************************************************************************************

R: “I fucking hate this”

Howie: “Why?”

Me: Now Rye, be fore you freak out. That’s one of the sweetest questions a ghost could ask you. All other ghosts you have meet have been dicks, keep that in mind. 

****************************************************************************************************

Me: You fucking fuck.

****************************************************************************************************

Me: Wow, sassy ghost, I dig it.

****************************************************************************************************

Me: Father Thomas is quaking.

****************************************************************************************************

Me: I feel like this is the ghost of a teenager, it just feels right. Like a 16/17 year old male. Sassy yet compliant.

****************************************************************************************************

Me: Okay, Im calling it. A 16/17 year old boy named Jeff who looks after Howie. I have a feeling he is only interacting with you on Howie’s request. 

****************************************************************************************************

Me: Okay so I did some minor digging and...

Me: I was wrong about the age. But, he was younger than the other spirits. I still believe him to be Howie’s protector, or else the other voice we are hearing is his wife.

****************************************************************************************************

Me: I didnt find a mention of Howie anywhere in the records. But, there is a mention of a child being nursed at the hospital. Because he’s not a patient his name isn't listed. It might be a long shot, but this might be Howie.

****************************************************************************************************

Me: Please Jeff, play it cool, he doesn't want to harm you.

****************************************************************************************************

Me: Im really proud of you Ryan, actually holding a conversation and not screaming every time.

****************************************************************************************************

Me: Jeff, thank you.

****************************************************************************************************

Me: Why are you timing him, he was having a solid conversation and you pull him away from it. Why are you like this?

****************************************************************************************************

Me: Give me a sec.

Me: Well shit... its Howie’s mom.

****************************************************************************************************

Me: Well you are in a hospital.

****************************************************************************************************

Me: Sounded a little like a metal pipe, but lets just say It was Bri. That means Jeff is there too, he followed you Rye.

R: Okay... I can handle this.

****************************************************************************************************

Me: You do realize you are still in the building right?

****************************************************************************************************

Me: Ryan Bergara Little Ghost Antenna™.

****************************************************************************************************

Me: awe, they are still working on a catchphrase.

****************************************************************************************************

Me: ARE YOU OKAY RYAN? ARE YOU GUYS OKAY?

****************************************************************************************************

Me: Tbh, still love this because HEIGHT DIFFERENCE

****************************************************************************************************

This long ass post brought to you by:

This (Ryan is 22 in this and I love it.)

Link to video here

Link to Masterpost here

[iamtaekooked]

Secret Ship

Hi love!~ I just wanna say that your ships are honestly amazing, the amount of detail and effort you put into them is so lovely and I really admire that! 😍❤️ I would love to request a ultimate ship, please?

I’m 5'7, an ENFJ, scorpio, have a long black hair, dark eyes, fair skin, oval face & chubby cheeks. I’m the eldest of four, making me reliable & a good leader. I’m very caring, affectionate, kind and strong both physically & mentally. I get competitive & fearless sometimes. I’m a good listener so as a good adviser. I work hard, play hard! I do things fast, walk fast, work fast, speak fast but I always think through it before act. I have so much love to share with everyone, especially my family & people I care. I just love others and always wish them well. Everyone can be my friends! I’m very sensitive to the feeling of my close ones. I like to take things slow when it comes to love. If I love, they will have all of me and my support. I’ll treat them like they are special as they deserve and they can trust me that they’d be the only one. I’ll fill what they lack and I’ll cut down what that’s too much. If they’re ‘yes’, they’ll always be my ‘yes’. I’m good with children, they make me super happy! 😍. I can cook too. My friends say I’m persuasive, funny, very friendly and very warm. I’m good with words and always want to be there for my friends. I LIKE flowers, animals, coffee ☕️ & LOVE cuddling, skinship and watching movie (horror movies are my fav). I enjoy amusement park & advanturous things. I really like stars gazing and going for a walk at night. Listening to music is things. I love the sound of piano the most. I’m perfectionist. I don’t really like changes. I hate heat & worst with directions. I’m always there for my siblings. Smile’s always on my face & I hope everyone can smile, too. I like someone who is firm both with his actions and his words. The one who keeps his promise and doesn’t lie brcause I’d trust him and only him whole heartly. I’m indecisive and not good with change. So, it’s ok if he’s not the strongest but can give me a sense of steadiness and security. I’m ok with not seeing him everyday but if something happen, I hope he’ll stand beside me. Someone that I know he’ll always be there. I’m not the type to open my worries to others fast and likely to say it’s fine. In fact, I just need someone who will face me and tell me to be honest with him. I prefer those who have my picture in their phone/ wallet proudly over those who have a lot of money. Money can be earned. I want someone who work hard and know about saving. It’d be great if he’s family-oriented and loves his family. If I love someone, I love his family too.

Thank you so much, sincerely, for everything! I love you~ Always support you. You’re wonderful!!❤️❤️❤️

@channynipa

Hey homie! You are more amazing and basically you are just the best honestly. I dont deserve these compliments but THANK YOU <3

IDOLS YOU ARE COMPATIBLE WITH:

Donghyuk (ikon)

Yoongi (bts)

GD (Bigbang)

Dong Hyun (Boyfriend)

These idols are perfect matches for you because all of them fit your personality well. They all have some of qualities you have mentioned you like in a guy. They are all very perceptive and I think you would go well with someone who is perceptive, and observant.

YOUR PERFECT MATCH IS:

Dong Hyun!!

Ok I am not sure if you know Dong Hyun,but seriously he is a sweetheart just like you and out of all the idols he popped up in my head first. Ok so the primary reason I thought of him was because of your family values. He is very close to his family as well just like you. Thats a big factor because both of you are family oriented so you would respect each other’s families, and even develop a better understanding of each other. 

You can be assured that he is firm in his words and actions because after all he is the leader and he knows what he wants and how he wants to do things. He is someone who acts on his words and because he is the leader he has a sense of what to say, when to say and how to say it. You could definitely rely on him and be assured that he would there with you during thick and thin. He seems like the kind of protective person who would give his all (which is why I love this guy).  Another reason why I ship you with him is because he cant really express himself all that well. Its ironic but someone expressive like you and outgoing would be perfect for him because he could rely on you to know what he was feeling and he could lay out his problems in front of you. 

He is a little bit of an introvert so your outgoing nature will balance that out perfectly. Since you are also indecisive he is a good match because he is really good at giving advice as he is the leader. So he could always help you decide on different things and work through it together. He is like total boyfriend material so he would really go well with someone like you is very cheerful. I dont know how much more perfect it can get but he wanted to be a pianist when he was younger, so he can definitely play piano for you. Honestly he has everything you asked for, so I really ship it!

I really hope you like your ship. As always you can request again! Have a very happy day ahead

Stay Healthy. Stay Happy. Stay Beautiful

Love

Gia

[somedaypast-thesunset]

i just ... dont feel right inside of myself. like something is slowly leaking into my brain. yesterday i slept for a good portion of the day at his house, then went to sleep around 10pm. when i woke up yesterday it was to an alarm at 5:40. i told him the alarm had given me anxiety straight away - i had to search for the phone in my bag and couldnt find it right away. 

he said it was okay and reminded me that its just because the day is starting and if today is not good i have to remember there is a tomorrow and tomorrow might be better. he told me that i have to remember not to give up and to keep doing what im doing because im doing good. 

i dont feel like im doing good. i dont feel like im progressing like i should be but like.. i put some weight on medication solving many issues and it did but it did not solve the underlying issue which i think my doctor recognized right away. 

and i really appreciate my doctor. i really appreciate that there is someone of professional studied calibre to say - hey, you know what. you went through a lot of shit. youre not fucked for not being able to cope. the majority of people dont go through what youve gone through. and they probably wont. 

and thats it you know - like i want a level of sympathy but not pity. i want the understandng of how important it is to my life that i do not have parents or a family. that is a huge defining factor of so many things. and its not because i needed them to take care of me. thats not it at all. i am perfectly capable of caring for myself - in fact; ive done so for most of my life. i cared FOR THEM so its not laziness. its not me going out in the world and crying about how i have to be an adult. ive been an adult since i was 10. like since i hit puberty, ive been an adult. ive taken on adult responsibilities an handled adult situations since i was 10. and thats 17 years. my doctor brought this up himself - he recognized that ive had 17 years of dealing with trauma that most people dont deal with or deal with at amuch much older age when theyre able to cope. i grew up in trauma. i was built by trauma. 

my doctor actually repeats it a lot - you lost both of your parents. like its not the excuse - its the reason why i am struggling. i dont need anxiety about why im struggling or why i cant get better; there is a reason. he is giving me the answer that im looking for. 

last night i was very upset. he asked if i wanted to go for a walk or refocus or stretch or talk about it. but i just felt very very upset. i told him that i had felt very isolated for the past few weeks. but not because i spend time alone. i have no problem spending time alone. i was an only child, i learned to cope with being alone and i found peace in it. being alone is very peaceful. 

but you dont be alone forever. you cant just _be_ alone unless you literally isolate yourself and live off the land. like you have to revert back to cavemen times to be entirely alone. and i’m not interested in that; people realized by banding together you accomplish more and i’m not going to go against proof of a millenium of years. so people; all people - every single person is important. they might not be important to YOU but theyre important to SOMEONE so theyre important, you know? everyone is important; everyone i meet will affect my life in some way. 

but this isolation is not in a lack of meeting people. ive been around people. ive had options and choices to be around even more people. but when im around people and i try to relate with them or have a conversation ... i dont care? like i care, i care about whats happening with them but like i have no sense of relation to them. like theyre hanging out with cousins or family or they have this wedding to go to and their cat dies and its the worst thing that happens or their grandma dies and people are sooo sympathetic and thats not my experience of life? like i have not had that experience of life. so i’m carrying a lot of resentment and bitterness towards life itself right now. and i feel like i have to reprogram myself to be okay that i didnt have the exprience a majority of people have and continue to have. so its kind of an ongoing battle to be like - hey, its okay you dont have a mother. its okay you dont have a father. its okay no one really cares if youre dead or alive. just keep doing you.

i guess in some ways im envious of people who have good mothers. i always wanted to have a good mother. and you know what? it would be amazing to have a good mother right now. even as an adult. that would be really nice. i feel like if i had a good mother i could sit down and chat with her and she would be invested in my life and give me weird advice i dont know if id take but maybe i would and she’d make cookies or maybe shed buy cookies and give them to me but either way im getting cookies. and then you know maybe at the end she slips me 20$ for bus money or something - you know moms and i go off to work or something. 

i’m not really asking a lot of a mom, i guess. i have pretty low expectations. it’d be great if they didnt hurt me. i feel like ive been hurt a lot. even by my father - maybe unintentionally. like it hurt that he didnt care enough to be well. and he couldve. he really couldve. i feel like there was a lot of senseless death around me. i feel like no one cares. like people literally died because no one cares. thats how serious life is. i cant unshake that. its not like a belief i have. its my truth. its what ive lived. 

but im not delusional, you know? i can obviously see people caring. like the bubble i grew up in - no one fucking cares. not a single ass person givesa  fuck and i think we were all developed in our own ways to not give a fuck beyond ourselves because maybe this whole bubble was just survival. 

but i can see it exists. i can see its not beyond a human being to care. i can see it with my own eyes so thats also a truth. but i feel resentful its not a truth for me; as much as i’ve tried to have it be and not just with my parents and not just within my bubble. but it cant be the whole truth because life has variables. 

like i feel very attached to him right now because he is a variable. and i hate to create this like.. level of heavy importance on who he is and who he is to me because to me it feels like life or death. not that iw ould die. its very unlikely i would kill myself over him. like ... theres too many other reasons for it to land on him, honestly. but its life or death of my hope in the world as i know it. this is like the one last shot, one last chance of being proven that not every person i meet is going to be an asshole. that i have atleast the CHANCE for love, support, care & understanding. 

but thats because of who he is. not because i came into it with the hope that hewould do this for me. i never had an expectation for him - ever. i was pretty fed up and just kind of went with whatever was going on in all of life. but he became a variable because as i got to know him, i realized how good of a person he is and how much he cares for me.

one of the biggest things that gives me so much... i dont even know. like something good that is undescribable. he is not like.. some next level person or anything. hes just a normal guy, but because hes capable of being ... i dont even know if its mature or adult because adult men older than him have been worse and have been worse to me. like, to me this is transcendent in a very deep scar that has been within me for a long time regarding men and sex.

i have been treated terribly in most of my relationships. if not all of them. and a good amount of that treatment has come in the form of sex. men have not given a single fuck about me in a relationship when it comes to sex. i am an obligation. they deserve sex because theyre in a relationship with me and thats what we do. thats just how it is. even in terrible times, you know? even in the worst of times, they’d still be trying to fuck. and its fine - really, maybe thats a nature of a man. but if it is - and you overcome that nature to display a level of fucking respect, thank you. 

i think he understood before i said it last night, but i described it outloud - i have bigger problems than your passive need for an orgasm. life is a lot bigger and harder than this. it’s a lot more real. he had made a sarcastic and joking comment when i was scrolling on my phone (in view of him, on instagram) to stop talking to all my boyfriends. my gut reaction was a very stern, rolling of the eyes kind of “sure”. i understood he was joking but to me it was so stupid - so stupid - that even as a joke i wouldnt entertain the idea of it when i do in fact feel anxiety on a constant basis to a point that even thinking about other men or other people in such a way is a waste of my time and something i’m really not interested in. having “more” boyfriends or additional relationships honestly progresses nothing in my life. the relationship and friendship i have with him is acknowledgable as incredibly important. 

i think weve had sex once in three weeks. not because no one is interested in being physical, and not because we’ve become distant in any way, but because its not the most important thing to do right now. its not really really necessary. i believe he almost understands it as just a physical need that is natural like a sneeze or take a shit. which sounds terrible, sex should be more than that - and it is, but when you’re overcome with the need or the urge for such a thing, you may be lonely or you may just have an urge - like an urge for eating mcdonalds or chocolate. you dont need to satisfy that urge by creating multiple parterships and fucking all sorts of people. it can be as simple as jacking off and moving on in your day. 

though, truthfully, i enjoy having sex with him. he’s created a trust level that has allowed me to sincerely enjoy it and when we have sex, even when it’s a quick thing, it feels like he really appreciates that i’m offering my body to him. whether or not i was still fairly asexual, whether or not i had an inherent desire, i was still offering my body to him for him to use. it’s hard not to feel like you’re in a passive/submissive position when you’re the one being prodded; even if you take enjoyment from it. but maybe its just me. i dont know. regardless i feel lik the position is respected. 

sometimes, i feel like a true ‘queen’. he treats me so well and has given me such legitimate deep care. when i speak about even the few things he does for me, on his own accord, i feel like there are some who are envious / jealous and try to express somethig their boyfriend does for them; like it’s an one-up contest. instead of appreciating that there’s someone - anyone - in my 27 years of life who gives a fuck enough to show me such treatment, they try to extole the virtues of their own partners. 

but there are some i feel appreciate it. why shouldnt i be treated like that? why shouldnt he braid my hair, feed me fruit, make me cakes, dance with me to flashdance when im sad? why? i didnt ask for any of these things (i asked for cake) - why dont i deserve someone who wants to do these things? not only does he do this - he frequently, if not on a daily basis, looks at me in clear honesty and tells me i look pretty or that my clothes look good, or my hair looks nice. if i manage to put on makeup, he always acknowledges it. if i dont, i’m still told i’m beautiful. 

one time he told me it and i told him he always tells me it when i kind of look terrible - like i havent showered in a few days or i forgot to brush my teeth or wash my face or brush my hair. i’m a mess, most of the time. he told me he could see “underneath all of that”, as a joke. 

he was - and told me - he’d talk to that girl last night. i fell asleep and he was awake for maybe a half an hour or so but i dont know if he did or not. i truly dont care. i feel like the only reason he cares is a perceived notion tht i have something aganst her personally; which i dont. her existence only matters because of his past connection to her, otherwise i wouldn’t know of her at all. and his past connections are so far in the past and so meaningless to the present that i legitimately dont care. thats not his life or my life or our life anymore. 

and i guess thats kind of a way i grew as a person. and he might not even realize that, which is okay. but like - i’d definitely, in the past, hold a lot of resentment and bitterness and distrust in a person who has done some of the things he has done. but he’s never lied. and that’s like.... that’s real. he has never once even attempted to hide or lie anything. ever. and knowing things makes life better. knowing whats happening around you and why and who the person youre dealing with is and why they do things and what theyve done before - it’s a choice. you can choose to be involved when its all laid out or you can leave. your choice. are you hurt or do you move on? 

i really appreciate that level of honesty for once in my life. for all the liars and theives ad fucked up people ive been around, i need that. and i am a mostly honest person with him. which is bad. like to use mostly is already bad. and if i was entirely honest, it’d probably be okay, but i have shame in what i did. and again - no interest in being with others, so i’ve not been with anyone since weve been together. i havent even spoken to other people. 

this morning he asked how i felt. i said about the same. but he let me wake up in a more natural way instead of rushing me or waking me up himself and it helped a bit. as he was driving me home he said something like, “baby girl, even though you’re upset you still have to find me funny”. i told him i wasnt upset. he said “well sad or unwell or whatever, you still have to find me funny”. as i got out of the car, he repeated that he loved me a few times and to have a good day. i told him to text me later, he told me he’d call and see how i was doing. 

his concern makes me feel like at least taking a shower is worth doing in my day.