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Agatha Harkness x Rio Vidal Playlist
Here's a bit from a playlist I made for Agatha x Rio (There's a lot of angsty songs) - Admin Cam
playlist link
master list
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"Shake the Frost" by Tyler Childers
So if it'd make you stay I wouldn't act so angry all the time I wouldn't keep it all inside And I'd let you know how much I loved you every day So, darlin', will you stay right here and shake this frost off of my bones?
Post-Nicholas, Agatha is angry at Rio for taking Nicholas but also struggles with the fact that Rio is the one she loves. It's Angst City, essentially.
This could also be a pre-Nicky moment with Agatha learning how to open up and accept love after being burned so much by people before.
"The Prophecy" by Taylor Swift
Please, I've been on my knees Change the prophecy Don't want money Just someone who wants my company Let it once be me Who do I have to speak to About if they can redo the prophecy?
Ever since watching the show, when I hear this song, it just makes me think of Agatha begging Rio for more time with Nicky. But there's only so much Rio can do. Rio can't change the prophecy for even her love.
Makes me want to sob thinking about it to this song tbh
"Waiting Room" by Phoebe Bridgers
I wanna be the power ballad that lifts you up and holds you down I wanna be the broken love song that feeds your misery And I can wish all that I want, but it won't bring us together Plus, I know whatever happens to me, I know it's for the better And when broken bodies are washed ashore Who am I to ask for more, more, more? But you're breathing in my open mouth You're the gun in my lips that will blow my brains out
This gives me angsty Rio thinking about her and Agatha vibes. I can't explain it, but it just does.
"We're In Love" by boygenius
You could absolutely break my heart That's how I know that we're in love I don't need the symbol of a scar So, put down the knife We're not swapping blood ... If you rewrite your life, may I still play a part? In the next one, will you find me?
NO MATTER WHAT AGATHA AND RIO WILL FIND EACH OTHER.
Even after the heartbreak of losing Nicky, they will always find each other. Their lives are intertwined. Along with this, Rio and Nicky are literally the only people that could break Agatha's heart. They're the only ones that have ever and could ever have that power over her.
"In the Woods Somewhere" by Hozier
I clutched my life And wished it kept My dearest love, I'm not done yet How many years I know I'll bear I found something in the woods somewhere
Agatha finds her love, Lady Death, in the woods. This one also has the vibes of their relationship that I can't quite explain.
"The Ballad of Lucy Gray Baird" by Rachel Zegler
It's sooner than later that I'm six feet under It's sooner than later that you'll be alone So, who will you turn to tomorrow, I wonder? For when the bell rings, lover, you're on your own I am the one who you let see you weeping I know the soul that you struggled to save Too bad I'm the bet that you lost in the reaping Now, what will you do when I go to my grave?
Agatha will eventually die. There will be a time when Rio won't have Agatha, and that is heartbreaking for our star-crossed lovers.
"Where do we go now?" by Gracie Abrams
I know I changed overnight So I can't blame you for fightin' And I'd be losin' my mind If you lived in your writin' 'Cause now I'm half of myself here without you You're the best in my life and I lost you And we had no control when it fell through It was one-sided, hate how I hurt you If I could, I'd have changed every feelin'
Agatha regrets pushing Rio away after she takes Nicky away. Deep down, she knows Rio has to do it, but it kills her. In the end, Rio is the only other person who understands her pain and that she has ever loved besides their son.
"Chinese Satellite" by Phoebe Bridgers
Took a tour to see the stars But they weren't out tonight So, I wished hard on a Chinese satellite I want to believe Instead, I look at the sky, and I feel nothing You know I hate to be alone I want to be wrong
Post-Nicholas, Agatha is dealing with the loss of her two loves. She's trying to believe that Nicholas isn't disappointed in who she has become, and that's hard for her to do.
"cowboy like me" by Taylor Swift
You're a bandit like me Eyes full of stars Hustling for the good life Never thought I'd meet you here It could be love We could be the way forward And I know I'll pay for it
Imagine Agatha and Rio were both bandits and cons together. Like happy Agatha and Rio pleeeaasssee
"Like Real People Do" by Hozier
I knew that look, dear Eyes always seeking Was there in someone That dug long ago So, I will not ask you Why you were creeping In some sad way, I already know
This song gives major Agatha falling in love with The Green Witch. Especially an Agatha that is pre-finding-the-darkhold
"Please Stay" by Lucy Dacus
You tell me you love me, like it'll be the last time Like you're playing out, the end of a storyline I say I love you too, because it's true What else am I supposed to do? Maybe bar the door when you move to leave
This song is in fact, the song I cry to
Tell me this song doesn't give Agatha dealing with the loss of her and Rio's son (or dealing with the inevitability of losing them).
After she loses Nicky and Rio is gone, Agatha has to sing the song that she made with Nicky every day, and it reminds her of him and Rio. Every time she sings it and sees things that remind her of the two, it just twists the knife more in the wound of her being alone. After having everything she could have wanted, she's alone, being reminded every single day of what she lost.
#i hope this wasn't too boring#admin cam#playlist#agatha#rio#agatha all along#aaa#agatha x rio#agatha harkness#rio vidal#agatha harkness x rio vidal#marvel#kathryn hahn#aubrey plaza
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The Nurse (Part Eleven) || Rick Grimes (TWD)
Part: One, Two, Three, Four, Five, Six, Seven, Eight, Nine, Ten, Eleven...
AVAILABLE ON AO3
Taglist: @strnqer @1985bitch @curlycarley @imaginemyfavoritefics @t-uroboros @crazytxgradstudent @addisonnie @whos6claire @taylvvrr @quicksilversg1rl @catt-leya @1tsk1tty @pascalshearts @hopefulatrocity @xoyouronlyamorrxo @fuseburner @idkseraphine @all-for-kpop @carlgrimeskisser @emo-potato-virgil @timotheesrealgf @mcuclintasha @8crazy-freak8 @peepeepoopoobutt @crazyunsexycool @moneyoverl0v3 @alixxhere @allthetroubleiveseen @dxrkymxrchy @taylormarieee
Summary: Before all this, you were a nurse. A nurse who had patients, one of which was a man in a coma. A sheriff, you think, it was all kinda fuzzy now. When it all went sideways, you set up what you could for the man - but had to leave. You’d always wondered where he’d ended up; until in your search of shelter, you run into a familiar face.
TWS: a touch of angst (mostly fluff though), mentions of death, gun violence (just violence in general), gunshot wounds, swearing, and all things typical of TWD.
[[A/N: listen, I know there's a similar scene to Maneater but this has completely different vibes okay? (I just like face kisses, sue me) So don't judge me. Thanks for reading !!! ]]
Your head hurt, that was the first thing you felt upon waking up. A sort of throb in the darkness of your mind.
It was warm, under a sort of scratchy blanket that you felt was oddly familiar. As thin as a sheet, but it still kept you warmer than without one. You'd felt rather tired, sort of heavy, particularly in your shoulders it felt sore -you briefly wondered why.
"Y/N?"
You were hardly awake then, as you shifted ever so slightly -there was a pillow under your head, you realized. You couldn't remember the last time you'd had one. All you remembered was concrete floors-
"Hey, hey," the voice spoke, "-you're safe. You're safe, sweetheart."
You recognized him then, something in you relaxing -safe, safe. You knew that if he was there, you weren't in Woodbury anymore -you weren't locked away. You were safe-
"Rick-" you whispered -your voice dry and cracking, you wondered how long you'd been out, "-Rick?"
"Breathe, baby, I'm here-" he responded -you felt something shift near you, "-right here."
Your eyes opened then, settling to your right -where you heard him, searching. Despite the pound of your head, you wanted to see him -really see him, he was right there. You could see him.
He was there, looking slightly tired -blue eyes intently focused on you, something warm and heavy there. His hair pushed intently behind his ears almost as if he was doing it anxiously, you wanted to reach forward and fix it.
"Hi," you echoed -quietly with a smile, he was right in front of you.
Rick smiled -a sort of hazy fond one that sent a flush down to your toes, "Hi, sweetheart, you feelin' okay?"
"Sore," you answered -shifting slightly, the deep ache only spiking, "-did Hershel-"
"He stitched ya up," he spoke, careful to keep his voice low, "-you're supposed to be on rest for a while. Doctor's orders."
You smiled -voice still dry, "You gonna be my nurse, cowboy?"
He laughed -a wonderous sort of noise that made your heart squeeze in your chest, "Already am, darlin'. Haven't left y'er side since we got 'ere."
You faltered, trying to turn more toward him -ache rather distant at the moment worth looking at him better, "Have you been sleeping?"
"Yes," he responded, "-when I can, I 'ave. Don't worry 'bout me right now-"
"'Can't help it," you hummed, "-I just need to make sure you're okay. I have to know-"
"'Course you do," he echoed, moving his hand to smooth against your hair -soft and tender and fond, "-you're on bedrest and still worryin' about me. You're unbelievable, ya know that?"
You leaned into his touch, now recognizing the surroundings to be your own 'office', "I just... I care about you, Rick. You know that."
Your words echoed off as you just looked at him, heavy eyebags underneath his eyes but there was something so content there. Deep within the slope of his shoulders, he seemed to relax -you were safe. You wondered just how similar his experience apart from you had been -had he slept? Could he think straight? Could he breathe?
"I'm sorry," you spoke, sort of quietly -his hand still cradling your face there, "-for... for leaving everyone here. Leaving you, Carl, and Judith here. I- I really thought I was doing what was best, saving lives. I just... I can't imagine what it was like me just leaving so quickly-"
"Y/N-" he urged in a soft whisper that swept a heat across your face -he was so close.
"No, I..." you paused, raising your own hand -despite how weak it felt, to flutter along his jaw, "-I need to say it. It was all I could think about, the pain that I had caused."
"I won't say I wasn't affected," he hummed -leaning into your fingertips slightly, "-but I know why ya did it. There's no need to apologize, not when you're here. When you're safe-"
"Rick..."
"I thought, well I hoped really that you would be safe," he spoke -rubbing his finger along some of your cuts (from the glass, you assumed), "-when we started makin' that plan, I... I thought he might'a killed ya already. That I was too late."
"You weren't," you soothed -a sort of twisted turmoil rooted in your stomach, "-I'm here."
"I kno', darlin'," he shushed you, holding your eyes steady with his -a sort of cloud hanging over their normal blue, "-I kno'. I was just scared. And when I saw you again... I just got... got so hopeful. Even though we were in danger, I was just so happy to see you breathin."
"Rick..."
"And when he-" he started before his throat seemed to choke up slightly -tears rising behind his eyes, "-when he shot you. I just... I got the feelin' I'd lost it all again."
"Rick," you whispered, slowly moving to grab his hand from the side of his face -both hands timidly enveloping his skin, and pulled it to your chest (where your heartbeat was a steady thrum against your ribs), "-I'm right here, I'm alive."
He seemed to pause, hand tensing at the sensation, as his eyes trailed over your chest -rising and falling with each breath. Making sure you were still there.
That you were okay. You knew the feeling.
"I love you."
He said it quietly, a sort of breathy whisper through his tears and the ghost of a smile on his lips. Tone washing over you like the morning sun, you felt something in yourself shift. Maybe a little disbelief, like you wondered if you'd actually heard it. Or if he intended for you to.
Rick answered the question himself with a watery chuckle and moved his hands to cup your face -fondly, so fond, "God, I love you."
You smiled, teary in your own way but smiling, happy, "I... I love you too."
"Never thought I'd get to say 'at," he grinned, still teary but you'd taken it upon yourself to wipe away any you saw, "-I love you."
"Rick-" you laughed.
He leaned forward, kissing your forehead first, "I love you-" then your eyebrows, "-I love you-" the apples of your cheeks, "-I love you-" your cheekbones, "-I love you-" the creases of your smile, "-I love you-" the tip of your nose, "-I love you."
You only laughed louder, your heart sparkling more and more each time he said it. It sent your head spinning, "Rick-"
He leaned back, looking at you in a sort of wonder -so happy. You couldn't believe it, honestly, that he... that you could make him so happy.
One hand moved down to your chin, fingertips pressing into your skin -guiding, blue eyes set on you in a haze. Something soft, something like a daydream-
"Can I kiss you?"
You stilled, heart beating along your chest, as he stared. It felt like all he did was stare, you couldn't read him. But... you knew what you wanted.
"Yes," you echoed, breathlessly.
Rick was slow to move, tender sort brush as he tilted your chin to face him. Gentle, he roamed closer -breaths fanning across your face, slowly so as to not hurt you. You could tell he was worried. Fingers moving up from your chin and fluttering along some of the glass cuts -which seemed to be healing. Like he was giving it extra thought, extra care.
Before you could speak a word, he connected your lips to his.
It was something small, a press of the lips (he was worried-) -stubble creating a buzz against your skin, in time with the thrum of warmth.
You let him guide you, hand still placed casually on your face - affectionately brushing his thumbs against your cheekbones. Calloused fingertips so warm so safe, you want to stay here -enveloped on Rick. From the woodsy scent that trailed behind him, to the feeling of his stubble against your skin, the gentle push of his lips against yours. It was anything done in a passionate moment or as a last resort, but more so... a promise.
A step in what was to come. A notion of something small for now, but bigger things to happen to see, to feel-
Rick pulled back but stayed close -breaths a puff onto your skin, just looking at you, "I love you."
"Really?" You smirked -rather playfully, eyes dashing between the two of his, "-'Couldn't tell, cowboy."
He laughed, and you felt your heart flip in your chest, as his eyes softened into something you could see now -love, "I missed ya, so much. I can't- I won't lose you again, 'kay? No matter what. Promise me... Promise me you'll stay safe."
"Okay," you whispered back, leaning into his touch -a little stunned by such admiration, you'd never... you'd never considered that he loved you too, "-I promise, but you too, okay? I can't... If you're not safe, I don't know what I'll do-"
"Deal," he answered, in a sort of low rumble you could feel down to your toes -eyes heavy on you, as if they were tracing every inch of your being. As if doing so, would keep you there -safe.
And you thought, just for a second, maybe it would.
#rick grimes#rick grimes x reader#its griming time#stuff n' thangs#rick grimes x you#rick grimes x y/n#ricky dicky doo dah grimes#twd#twd rick#rick grimes x y/n fanfiction#the nurse#nurse!reader#doctor!reader
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This post is not related to literature, books or art , please skip the post since that's what u thought and stumbled upon it , this post is all about me and my personal thoughts on various chain of things in my life , which I want to write down here since Tumblr has been my safe place .
I went through my blog yesterday and tried to look up what i have been posting since the last few months, it gave me a lot of blue vibes altho it is a representation of what's going on in my head , on Tumblr specifically I only post what goes through me & what I been feelin , I have lived in every peice of quote I have posted over the span of months, i have resonated with them not just only once but multiple times over the period of time , but I don't want to post them always, I want to feel so many other emotions that exist out there so that I can post about them , intimacy love happiness faith youth friendship I want to feel them I want them to happen to me the way I feel blue heavily, intensely ,constantly ! I post on this blog so I can find people who have felt things that I have felt so that I know I am not the only person who has felt it this way & again I sometimes think about the people who felt the same things as they felt and wonder how miserable it has been for them too. I am never not thinking about the quote from van Gogh when he says I want people to touch me through my art I want people to feel my art I want them to say oh he feels deeply he feels deeply.
This year has undoubtedly been one of the worst years of my life i have suffered great losses not just of people but also of the person I was , I don't recall a single day in this year when I looked in the mirror and felt happy looking at myself ( I am not talking about the physical appearance here ) . This year has made me weak on all levels & i can't write down all the reasons for it cuz they won't justify anything, this year I have spent more time somewhere else rather than in myself, despite what i am writing here trust me I am a very optimistic person I still keep the faith & hope to do better in life everyday I am the person who will fall down ninety nine times and stand tall again on hundredth, i don't give up and sometimes i think thats what goes wrong with me I don't know when to give up which l believe has significantly hurted me over many things , indeed nothing has hurted me than my very being & my mistake cuz i have done a lot of them but the what makes me more ridiculous is I am the most intelligent person in my family tree and it's branches ( no i am not trying to praise myself)my opinions/choices are asked for decision making over lot of important things in their life which amusingly fits them well and satisfies them but the same wisdom/intelligence doesn't benefit me,it has caused me more damage than good , I read the quote from Bukowski where he says "Sadness is caused by intelligence, the more you understand certain things, the more you wish you didn't understand them" and i have never looked at myself in the same way again
As much as I believe in efforts and action I also believe some things are not just subjectivity enough with them for example my experience with love and friendship, i believe one of strongest reason I loved Leeza was the resemblance of our tragedies in the past , there is quote from nagato ( pain from Naruto shippden) where he says "" unless people comprehend the pain as others they truly cannot understand one other"" here the pain i and Leeza shared was very much similiar I thought we would understand each other best out of anyone in this planet, which made to put my 100% into loving her but unfortunately that was not enough
I wanted to meet people who would want to understand me ( only /atleast those who already knew me inside out) based on the way I did things and what happened to me & how much of what changed me overtime as a person, because i don't want to explain each time I do something to the person who already knows about me ,maybe this doens't make a lot of sense since this by far has been the most delusional thing I have ever thought of , I have never met someone as such i am being very honest about it ,and this is solely due to my own fault I am an over expaliner cuz i think people are overthinkers ( simply because I am one) .
I am trying my very best to change my life in every way i can , even if things aren't beautiful I am grateful that I am alive, i will always hope that things will get beautiful over time, sincerely and most Genuinely I want to feel those things ,i can not describe how badly i want nice things to happen to me , how i would like to be friends with someone who won't hurt me & to be loved by someone deeply enough that i can find my peace in them.
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Tough Day
a lot of content warnings in this one for angel-typical sexual content and violence so please skip this one if that’s not something you’re comfortable with! this still has lots of caretaking and comfort, there’s just also valentino so please beware!
content warnings: MDNI, emeto, language, valentino, violence and sexual content
~
Angel knew it would be a tough day when he woke up feeling like shit.
Well, to be more specific, his stomach feels like shit and his entire body aches all over. It doesn’t exactly take a genius to figure out that he’s probably coming down with something.
But he doesn’t have time to worry about that. Valentino needs him for a shoot and he’s not exactly going to take “I’m sick” as an excuse. He’s been higher and felt worse than this and completed shoots just fine. If he’s lucky, he doesn’t even remember them when he’s that out of it.
This is just…uncomfortable. Inconvenient. A fucking drag.
Getting to the set isn’t an issue but actually having to film? That’s another beast altogether. Having a bunch of dicks shoved in his mouth isn’t exactly the best idea when he’s already feeling like he could puke at any second. Thankfully, it doesn’t seem like that’s the vibe Valentino wants to go for today.
Filming isn’t actually that bad, but it’s during the short break he’s allotted that things start to take a turn for the worse. He takes a drink of water and practically gags, feeling his stomach rebelling against the liquid he tried to introduce into his system.
“Angel, baby, we haven’t even played with your gag reflex today,” Valentino says, obviously having fun reveling in Angel’s misery. He just has to suck it up and take it, trying to fight back now would just be stupid. “Don’t tell me you’re losing your touch.”
“Not at all, Valentino,” Angel swears. “I’m fine.” The last thing he’s going to do is open up to Valentino and admit weakness. If anything, the creep would only want to exploit his misery even more.
Valentino looks at him intensely as though poring over every little detail of Angel’s body. It feels slimy. It feels violating. “Back to filming, then,” he commands and the stagehands and actors get into position. Angel follows suit.
It’s when he has a demon’s cock up his ass and his brain is being pounded out that the nausea gets worse. He lifts a hand to cover his mouth, but Valentino immediately yells, “Cut! Angel, what the Hell are you doing?! We need to hear you loud and clear!”
“Valentino, I—” He isn’t sure how he would have explained himself, but even fumbling over his words would have been better than doubling over and vomiting all over the bed. Which is exactly what happens. He hears the stage crew gasp and shout around him, pictures being snapped, and Valentino yelling at him.
It all gets fuzzy after that. Maybe it’s the fever he’s positive he has at this point or maybe it was all so awful that he blocked it out of his memory, but he doesn’t remember much of Valentino’s wrath, just being thrown out of the studio and yelled at by some stagehand to call a cab because the shoot is over.
That didn’t end very well.
Angel still has the cognizance to do exactly what that stagehand told him to do because he needs to get home now. He’s lucky a driver even lets him in the car with how rough he looks, but he manages not to throw up in the backseat for the entire ride. That’s a win in his book.
This late at night (or early in the morning), not many of the hotel’s employees are still awake. Alastor might be lurking around somewhere but that doesn’t really count. Husk is the only one up at this hour, but that’s about the only person Angel feels comfortable showing himself around while he looks and feels like this.
“Hey,” Angel greets, his tone noticeably less excitable than usual. “‘m not feelin’ great today, you got anythin’ other than booze here?” He hasn’t eaten or drunk anything since the previous day now and he knows he should at least get some non-alcoholic fluids into his system.
That…definitely wasn’t what Husk was expecting. He thought Angel would immediately ask for the strongest drink he could make, but for him to admit that he’s not feeling well? Husk decides to keep a close eye on him out of concern. “I’ve got coffee, milk, tea, and water,” he offers. “Take your pick.”
Angel’s stomach rolls at the thought of drinking anything other than plain water right now, so he opts for that. Husk eyes him for a moment longer than usual before handing him a glass of water. “How was work?”
“Terrible,” Angel admits. “I threw up all over the bed during the shoot and Valentino threw me outta there. Guess I ain’t getting paid this time.” There’s no way Valentino will pay him for screwing up. He’ll have to resort to other means to make ends meet for the month, then.
“What the fuck?!” Husk shouts, and he immediately lowers his voice because of the way Angel flinches. “That bastard did this to you? Because you got sick? The next time I see that guy, I’m gonna fucking kill him.”
“After today, I think I’d like that,” Angel says, taking a swig of his water like it’s alcohol and immediately regretting it. His stomach still isn’t feeling great. “Listen, I’m gonna head to my room now. You have any drugs I can take? Like, the actual medicine kind?”
He must be feeling worse than he’s letting on if he’s actually asking for medicine. Even now, he’s performing. “You head upstairs and I’ll meet you there. I’ll bring you some meds and some water.”
Angel looks like he’s about to say something for a moment, but stops himself. Instead, he nods and heads to his room. Husk knows the bitterness of the tea would probably upset his stomach even more, so he pours him a glass of water instead. He gets some nausea medicine and some fever reducers (just in case, the guy was looking a little worse-for-wear) and heads to Angel’s bedroom where he’s immediately greeted by the sound of retching from the bathroom.
“Angel?” Husk calls out, setting the glass of water and medicine on the nightstand and opening the door to the bathroom only to be greeted with Angel hunched over the toilet, expelling what little is left in his stomach. “Hey, ‘s okay. Just breathe.”
Angel gags, bringing up a small amount of stomach acid. “I feel like shit,” he moans, eyes streaming with tears from the strain of throwing up, his voice hoarse and raw.
“I know,” Husk sympathizes, “but you’re doing great. Just lemme know when you’re done and we can get you cleaned up.” He takes this opportunity to check his forehead for a fever and sure enough, he’s burning up.
It’s tough to see someone who’s usually so strong in Husk’s eyes barely able to keep themselves up in front of a toilet bowl, and he really feels for the guy. If he had any kind of power over Valentino, he would kick his ass into oblivion for working Angel to the bone while sick.
“Think I’m done,” Angel says, looking absolutely miserable. He looks like he might pass out, so Husk wants to get him to bed as soon as possible. Husk rips off a piece of toilet paper and uses that to clean around Angel’s mouth. It might just be the fever, but his face looks really red.
“Think you can stand up?” Husk asks. He’s surprised when Angel nods, attempting to stand up on his own, but he leans on Husk for support as he walks to bed.
For the first time that night, Husk sees Angel visibly relax and close his eyes. “No going to sleep yet, sweetheart,” he says, apologetic since he knows the only thing Angel must want to do right now is go to sleep. “I need you to take these.”
Angel swallows the pills with some water and sighs. “If I have to go into work tomorrow, I think I’ll actually die again. I feel like shit, Whiskers.” How honest. When he’s not feeling well, Angel tends to be a bit more truthful. Interesting.
“I know you do, Legs. Tell you what, you sleep in today and get some rest. If Valentino comes knocking, I’ll set Alastor on him. Sound good?”
“Mhm,” Angel mumbles affirmatively, but he’s already half-asleep and very out of it. He probably doesn’t know what he’s agreeing to, but there’s no way Husk is letting him go to work tomorrow when he’s this sick. He’s already thrown up twice and his fever felt pretty high. Whatever Valentino is going to do to him won’t be good.
Husk turns to leave when he feels a hand grip his wrist. “Wait…please stay…” Angel mumbles. How could Husk say no when he’s asked like that? He isn’t completely heartless. Just mostly heartless.
It doesn’t take long for Angel to fall asleep. He must have been exhausted, because it usually takes him much longer. Husk sits next to him, reading a book he’d been meaning to catch up on.
Husk flips through the pages of his book when Angel begins to stir again. He doesn’t appear to be awake but he looks distressed, as though he’s having a nightmare. Husk doesn’t wake him because he doesn’t want to disorient him even further, but a large small part of him feels badly seeing him like that.
Eventually, Angel wakes up with a gasp. “You’re alright, Legs,” Husk says, a steadying hand on his back. “You just had a nightmare. You’re in your room and you’re fine.”
He doesn’t feel fine, though. His stomach is in knots and he’s starting to sweat but he feels cold. He just dreamt about Valentino and he has to go to work the next day like this. There’s no way he can work like this! He’s going to get in so much trouble.
Husk can see Angel starting to work himself up even more, but he doesn’t know what to say to him to make it better. It’s only when Angel’s breaths start to morph into nauseous hiccups that Husk goes to get a trash can and places it under Angel’s mouth.
Angel starts to gag unproductively, bringing up strings of saliva. It isn’t a pretty sight, but Husk wants to be here for him. He has to. “It’s all right, Angel,” he says, “just let it out if you have to.”
Eventually, Angel finally does bring up a mouthful of bile and Husk winces. He hasn’t seen him this out of sorts in, well, ever. And he’s seen Angel in many different states.
It seems like that’s all he’s going to be able to bring up because the rest of his retches are dry and unproductive. Husk has to help him sit back in bed as he moves the trash can out of the way. “How’re you feeling?” he asks tentatively, though he has a feeling he already knows the answer.
“Like shit,” Angel says, as expected. “I think I threw up the medicine you made me take. Sorry ‘bout that.”
That’s when his phone starts blowing up. Husk is able to see the contact labeled “Valentino” on his phone, followed by several messages with some very aggressive language. He doesn’t miss the way Angel tenses up when a new text comes in.
“I-I should answer that,” he says, reaching for his phone before Husk snatches it out of his grasp.
“No way,” Husk says, “you’re not answering that asshole. I’ll take care of everything, promise. You deserve one day for yourself. Worst case scenario, tell that Valentino to shove a dick up his ass because you’re not going and that’s that.”
He’s worried he crossed some boundaries there, but Angel’s lips turn upward in a small smile. That’s enough to make Husk smile too. “Just get some rest, sweetheart.”
Husk isn’t stupid, he knows that means more work and possibly more punishment for Angel down the road. But for now, he’s in no state to show up for a shoot. Anything that comes later, they can handle. For now, he can just focus on resting and feeling better.
Angel doesn’t have to ask him to stay this time.
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Event | Xmas PARK CARNIVAL | Chapter 4
Sakuya: Haah, that was really good. Thank you for the meal!
Banri: Thanks for the meal.
Masumi: Thanks for the meal.
Banri: Aight, let’s start lookin’ at the books Sakuya got.
Sakuya: Yeah! I picked out a bunch of picture books, and just some with pictures in them too.
*Page turns*
Masumi: Hmm… there really are a lot of pictures of towns during Christmas.
Sakuya: The Christmas market and lights are really cute! I’m getting kinda excited just looking at it.
Masumi: …I can’t wait to see this with her.
Banri: And there’s the Masumi we all know and love.
Masumi: So what? …It’s not like I won’t help out and do the show properly because of it.
Banri: Oh, right, I remembered somethin’ while looking at the documents we got about the amusement park the other day.
Banri: When I was a kid, I went on a trip overseas to a place like that for Christmas.
Sakuya: Eeh!? That’s incredible!
Banri: I only remembered when I saw the documents, so my memory’s a little fuzzy.
Masumi: If you went overseas, you probably at least have some pictures.
Banri: True. Next time I go to my parents’ house, I’ll ask about it.
Sakuya: …Fufu, this kinda feels like back when we were in high school.
Banri: You too, Sakuya? I was kinda feelin’ the same way since it’s us three.
Sakuya: Same! What about you, Masumi-kun?
Masumi: Not really.
Banri: I guess that means he’s thinkin’ the same way we are.
Masumi: You can’t just decide to interpret it however you want.
Sakuya: Ahahah.
· • —– ٠ ✤ ٠ —– • ·
Izumi: Mizuno-san had delivered the script from the amusement park! So let’s all go over it today.
Banri: Before we do that, I’ve got somethin’ I wanna show everyone.
Banri: This is a pic of me from when I went on a vacation as a kid. The vibes of the place were similar to the ones of the new area in the amusement park, so I thought I’d bring it as a reference.
Izumi: Wah, thank you! I can’t believe you really went somewhere like that when you were little, Banri-kun.
Muku: Waah, Banri-san is really cute in this!
Tasuku: A real-life photo like this really makes it easier to visualize the place compared to just the ones in the document.
Tenma: Yeah. Thanks to this picture, we’ll all be able to visualize the stuff in the script more concretely.
Guy: Yes. Now then, let’s all read through the script.
· • —– ٠ ✤ ٠ —– • ·
Muku: It’s a really lovely story filled with Christmas spirit!
Tenma: The story’s set in a town and is about a boy who loves Christmas and a boy who hates Christmas.
Tenma: Alright, should we start thinking about the casting?
Izumi: The owner of the amusement park said that they’d really like the two boys to be Banri-kun and Sakuya-kun.
Izumi: After all, you are the two they said they really wanted to see perform.
Banri: You should’ve led with that.
Izumi: It looks like they didn't specify any further than that.
Masumi: From reading the script, I think Rudolph, the boy who loves Christmas, would be a good fit for Sakuya, and Snowray, the boy who hates Christmas, would be a good fit for Banri.
Tenma: Yeah, that’s the impression I was getting too.
Banri: That’s good by me, but what about you, Sakuya?
Sakuya: …Ah, umm…
Tasuku: There’s no need to rush it, okay?
Guy: Yes. We still have time, so you two can take your time deciding.
Sakuya: T-Thank you so much.
Izumi: Alright then, we’ll put the casting on hold for those two and cast everyone but Banri-kun and Sakuya-kun.
[ ⇠ Previous Part ] • [ Next Part ⇢ ]
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SHIPPING INFO // ANSWER THE FOLLOWING FOR YOUR MUSES SO PEOPLE KNOW HOW SHIPPING WORKS ON YOUR BLOG.
WHAT IS YOUR OTP FOR YOUR CHARACTER(S)?
If we're speaking in the canon sense like in his universe I really do like the idea of yusuke x botan because I like the aspects of him with death...not to mention he's a devil now too soo. I still love Yusuke x Keiko tho just so the peeps know there's no hatred for our girl.
HOW LARGE DOES THE AGE GAP HAVE TO BE TO MAKE IT UNCOMFORTABLE?
Anything like a muse being a fucking minor and the other almost hitting their 40's. There's ONE particular verse that does this shit but this ain't about them. As long as you don't ship your literal grown man/woman with a literal definition of a child then I wouldn't have to be disturbed.
HOW FAR DO STEAMY MOMENTS HAVE TO GO BEFORE THEY ARE CONSIDERED NSFT?
The minute a hand touches a boob or the clothes begin to fly off I'm guessing it's considered NSFW.
ARE YOU SELECTIVE WHEN SHIPPING?
LOL I'd say I am..but people have known to just show up, write with me and in a day of our muses vibing we're already shipping them. I MEAN if I have to be selective I'd say..as long as she's a woman XD
WHO ARE OTHER CHARACTERS YOU SHIP YOUR CHARACTER WITH?
Where do I even begin?? First of all I gotta go with the one that started this and that's @belovedblossoms Hiyori. She was the first person I've ever shipped Yusuke with and that relationship has started from not so disney friendly beginnings but entertaining as shit. Then there's @lady-llewellyn El who just ruins the guy, I swear in this ship Yusuke is the innocent one in the relationship no cap. We got @itmeanspeace Shiloh, this one started off just plain physical until she became attached, lol look at me talk as if Yusuke didn't catch feelings too..probably first since he's still kinda technically a human. Give it up for @swordsxandxsakuras Nezuko, the first one to actually go the full nine yards with him to dating all the way down to married with kids. Then there's my homie @fatexbound Chie I wouldn't CALL it a relationship yet but they're definitely in that phase in getting to know one another. You know I gotta put my home girl @adversitybloomed Mulan, who's probably seen everything there is to who Yusuke is as a character, she's been with him as a pervert all the way to him being nice and doing stuff for people. She's also helped him with his family life might have bribed him to go to college but in the end Yusuke proposed to her and it's actually the first REAL proposal I've written as him. I also can't use the term ship without mentioning @bravesung old OC Alyssa, she was definitely a special one who refused to buy into what people said about him, and after discovering he was supernatural (to a degree) just like her it got them to bonding. She's probably believed in him more than he did in himself when it came down to school because she NEVER let him quit HELL she brought his ass TO school whilst he was still sleeping in bed, picture that in your minds if you will. I got good ships and there's even this unhealthy one right here with my girl @acoldsovereign Maiz, tons of ships starts with curiosity, cute moments and even love at first sight and this one is just violence, one devil often tries to get the other devil to dig into those natural urges and forsake his human heart (that literally isn't even working anymore) and just behave like a demon, there's also acts of public terrorism but he'd punch her right..and she'd kick him wrong, it's a tug and pull with 'em. Bruh this segment is getting long since belovedblossom also has other muses that are shipped with Yusuke too and i have a feelin we'd be here ALL day and I've still got a few to talk about. Just know I love all y'alls muses.
DOES ONE HAVE TO ASK TO SHIP WITH YOU?
Nah, I mean if we write and there's a connection then I'd say let 'em go for it. EVEN IF you came to me writing Keiko and you're worried about shipping with me cause you'd think it's forced and i'm obligated to because of the canon then don't. It'd still be cool in my book.
ARE YOU SHIP-OBSESSED OR SHIP MORE-OR-LESS?
I'm not ship obsessed but I would say it's a fun thing to have cause when you're talkin' to your homies and the muses come u you can talk about the ship, or how a song reminds you of them. Shipping whether it's romantically, platonically or familial, they bring us together as writers and we because better pals cause of it. Cause there's always something to talk about when we wanna forget about that bill we can't pay.
WHAT IS YOUR FAVOURITE SHIP IN YOUR CURRENT FANDOM?
Let me tell you something about my fandom on tumblr: It hardly exists XDD there's really only a handful of us.
FINALLY, HOW DOES ONE SHIP WITH YOU?
Simple, we write. If there's chemistry between the muses well then your muse has got themselves a partner. He's by no means an easy person to love but once you've got him you've got someone that'll be there for your muse indefinitely. And if ya wanna discuss the possibility then my DMs are always open..even if i'm terribly slow with 'em.
tagged: @vartouhix
tagging: Y'all gonna have to steal this one homies. Tag me when ya do cause imma read it.
#❛ dashgames ━━ everyone's tough talk til the hands clam up.#thanks fo much for taggin' yo boy tho#i had fun with this one#tw long post
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Game master / Episode 14
Author: Akira
Characters: Aira, Kohaku, HiMERU, Hiiro
"Of course, HiMERU doesn't have emotions such as fear."
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Season: Winter
Location: Mountain Hut
About an hour later. The second checkpoint in the test of courage showdown, an abandoned house.
Aira: Ahhh, no way no way no way.... I didn't become an idol to get scared like this!
I just wanna go home alreadyyy! Munch on some convenience store food, and catch up on idol livestreams from the safety of my couch!
Kohaku: Yeah... I was real excited 'bout the test of courage and feelin' pumped, but now that I'm settlin' down, it's gettin' kinda spooky...
Even though I've got good night vision, it's gettin' too dark to see anythin'.
HiMERU: Thankfully, the weather is good amidst the misfortune, but when you enter places where the starlight doesn't shine through, it's like blindly feeling your way through the dark.
Aira: This place really has those countryside vibes, with no artificial lights at all. It takes me back to visiting my grandma's place in the past.
Hiiro: Aira's grandmother was from a country called France, right?
Aira: Yeah... It's not as rural as the Amagi Village, but all we had around our house were vineyards for making wine.
I remember hearing what seemed like wolf howls back then, it was super scary.
Kohaku: Now that ya mention it, there ain't any signs of wild animals or insects in this Amagi Village.
Though there's a presence within the buildings, it's likely just the villagers.
Aira: The villagers are kinda creepy too...
It's typical of a backward village, but besides that Takashi-kun who's a Hiro-kun lookalike, everyone else is holed up indoors, not even peeking out.
Hiiro: I think everyone's just cautious because outsiders are rare.
But, I was also concerned about what Oukawa-san pointed out.
Kohaku: Bit late for this, but quit callin' me “Oukawa-san," like I'm some stranger. Kohaku's fine.
Hiiro: Umu. I was also concerned about what Kohakucchi—
Kohaku: I didn't allow ya to go that far?
Aira: Stop! Only I can use that nickname! No stealing!
HiMERU: Fufu. It's scarier when people are silent, so it's helpful to talk even about trivial topics.
Of course, HiMERU doesn't have emotions such as fear.
Kohaku: You some kinda robot or somethin', HiMERU-han?
Aira: I have a theory that HiMERU-senpai's the most scared out of all of us... For some reason, he always hangs back where he can use someone else as a shield, never in the front...
HiMERU: Isn't this the most sensible arrangement? Given that HiMERU lacks the night vision of Oukawa or Hiiro-san, wouldn't he be inadequate to lead the way?
Kohaku: You're always so quick to make excuses...
Hiiro: Hehe. Well, it might be that the lack of signs of wildlife is the villagers' consideration. Maybe they've already removed them so we won't get inadvertently attacked.
But what we should be concerned about more than such trivial discomfort is that the ghost story Mayoi-senpai told us is gradually becoming more believable.
Aira: Yeah... I wanted to believe it was just nonsense to freak us out, but...
We're following the exact route they told us to take.
And yet there are still traces of the staff from the paranormal show, who got caught up in the mysterious phenomena.
Though it's probably all set up by Rinne-senpai and the other scarers... Even at the last checkpoint, there was something like a staff member's notes placed there.
HiMERU: Just like the account told in the notes, we stumbled upon vinyl strings and carvings left by the staff as markers.
Aira: Carvings? Were there really?
HiMERU: There were scratches on a tree made with a knife or something similar. It had dates and names presumably belonging to the staff of the paranormal program carved into it.
Naturally, those dates and names matched the ones in the notes.
Since there's no internet connection in this village, we cannot be sure that people with those names were once real and are now missing.
—Along with other facts that cannot be verified.
Aira: S-So, those notes and everything, they're all just made up by the scarers, right?
HiMERU: Who knows... It seems too elaborate for that.
It's not something that can be done overnight, writing lengthy notes and leaving traces exactly as described.
And the scarers arrived in this Amagi Village at the same time as us. It's hard to believe they had time to prepare for such a test of courage.
Kohaku: Yeah... After arriving in the Amagi Village, Rinne-han and the others were with us the whole time.
Of course, given Rinne-han's status, he might've ordered these preparations from the villagers.
He's always dead serious 'bout havin' his fun, but why go through all this hassle? And even if he did, what'd be the point?
Aira: D-Did he really wanna freak us out this bad?
I bet Rinne-senpai's out there somewhere, laughing away from behind some bushes even now!
Kohaku: Hmm... Even Rinne-han ain't that nasty deep down— Mm?
Aira: W-What's wrong, Kohakucchi? Don't suddenly stop moving, or you'll startle me?!
Kohaku: My bad... Hmm~ Must've just been my imagination.
(I've been feeling strange gazes for a while now... Even if they're the guys tryna scare us, there's too many of them, no?)
(Maybe the bored villagers get a kick outta watchin' the dumbass idols from the city doin' dumbass things?)
Aira: Ugh~! Can we just get this over with already?
This test of courage showdown's just the fourth match, so Matrix isn't even halfway through, right?
It'd be stupid to use up all our energy and strength being scared here. I wanna wrap up the unpleasant work quickly!
Kohaku: Right. In fact, it'd ruin the atmosphere if it gets light in the mornin'. We gotta get through the checkpoints as soon as possible.
HiMERU: Yes. The Amagi Village is smaller than expected, so it's fortunate that there isn't much distance to cover.
HiMERU: (But even that feels slightly offputting.)
(Based on Rinne's previous remarks, HiMERU had predicted that his hometown would be much larger—the size of a nation, even.)
(Has he been carelessly trusting of Rinne's penchant for grandiosity, overestimating its authenticity?)
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My Chapter 22 Commentary
“We aren’t going on a date!” “Yes, we are!” The beautiful boys that you are. I love the start to this chapter, their combined prettiness hit me like a truck ngl. It was also such an odd feeling seeing Kagiura’s hair still left in the same position as we last saw it months ago. Feelin like we’re on earth while Kagihira are on the Miller planet in Interstellar, time speeding by for us but inching ever so slowly for them. Anyway, they’re adorable here. And Kagiura is getting prettier by every chapter.
I love how much bolder Kagiura is now too; probably emboldened by Hirano’s initiative in choosing the location of the 10 seconds last chapter. And Hirano. Hirano, once again, saying no to something with Kagiura, then realizing he’s actually at least somewhat okay with it (if not more).
Chapter 22: Slowly but Surely. The Gap Between Givers and Takers Like everyone else, I’m soooo encouraged by the name of this chapter. Like. This is really happening huh. Things are really changing for Hirano in real-time, and he’s becoming very incrementally more aware of it. And the tagline is so ooogh… is it referring to the palpable difference felt when you are the giver of touch (by extension, affection, and by extension, love), is it referring to the gap slowly and ultimately diminishing to the point that there is no longer a difference felt whether one is the giver or taker and the effect felt is the same no matter what? Is it referring to the widening discrepancy between our boundless acquisition of our planet’s resources and what our poor earth is physically capable of supplying us with hence sending us further past the point of no-return for ecological sustainability? Only sensei has the true answers.
“We’re just going shopping! No one calls that a ‘date’!” “People go on shopping dates all the time!” Kagiura continuing to fight the good fight. He’s right, Hirano. I mean if even uniform dates exist, surely anything can be a date…
“How long?” “It’s a secret. But I’ll tell you… Once you fall in love with me.” Honestly, I don’t really know specifically, but I feel like the fact that sensei did a throwback to Hirano wondering how long Kagiura’d been in love with him, is more significant/relevant to the future storyline than we think right now…
Other than, you know, Kagiura cranking up his rizz to MAXIMUM DRIVE Niibashi putting distance between him and Kagiura in front of Hirano is so funny. Even funnier is Kagiura’s adorable little “Niibashi’s mad at me because I’m missing a button :D” happy-go-lucky air here while he grins ear to ear. I also love the different ways both Niibashi and Hirano get angry around Kagiura hahah. Kagiura really is the perfect easygoing friend for that kind of personality. Still thinking about somebody pointing out the fact that Kagiura’s button was shown missing since the chapter cover for #20…
“Shall we skip practice today? I feel bad monopolizing you every day.” Please monopolize him until the end of time. Niibashi just quietly simmering in the background like my dinner. Hirano looking up at Kagiura in such a cute little way while holding the ends of his sweater, why the frick does this give me such domestic vibes.. Ha ha it reminds me of Kagiura holding Hirano’s ring folder when he was fixing it up in the nurs e ‘ s o f f i c e . . .
I’m sorry I am now looking at the symbolism for paper cranes (the ones in the background on the table behind Niibashi calling Kagiura a slob, and well, it’s not much, it’s just stuff like honor, good luck/fortune (hmm), loyalty and longevity (hmmmmm)… Slowly but surely…
Sewing privileges transferred. Niibashi’s organs eroding from the inside-out from seeing (and probably simultaneously remembering everything Kagiura’s told him Hirano has done/said) every speck of affection dripping out from every crevice on Hirano’s gay little face and body.
“There’s nothing I can’t do if I put my mind to it.” Including realizing your growing romantic feelings for Kagiura, right? Man the way Hirano keeps poking/hurting himself in the process of trying to fix Kagiura’s button/make up for wrecking it himself… makes me emo how he doesn’t mind getting hurt if it’s all for Kagiura’s sake aghhhh byeeeee… Love all the fond smiles Kagiura gives when Hirano says something cool, gahhhh… they love each other so much… I cant handle them…. “Ugh, why do you have to be so stubborn even with something like this?!” “I’m just messing with you.” Aaaand there’s his first smile of the chapter, followed by the next one 6 pages later (and one of my favourite panels of Kagihira together ;___; laughing together and relishing purely just being with the other….
Can’t remember if someone said this already, but I don’t know if it’s significant here, them both being on one side of the window frame’s shadow (the ‘centre line’ (Romance: don’t cross the line)). I mean it’d make sense I guess, since what Kagiura initiated wasn’t super romantic relatively speaking, albeit still a very affectionate gesture. Either way though- no lines were crossed, for sure.
Bony shoulder… hard thigh from the lap pillow… the physical awareness of each others’ bodies…. the way Kagiura rubs his head on it like he’s a cat on a scratching post… I digress. Love how sensei does lighting in her manga. The shadow that separates part of Hirano from Kagiura on the page after Kagiura told him it makes his heart race. Oooh…
...It doesn’t make mine race, though. But… It’s still not bad at all. What if I died. No but for real, this hurtssss because Hirano’s thinking to himself how he doesn’t physiologically feel the same as Kagiura, but he still enjoys the contact. He still likes touching it. Even if I’m not in love with you the way you are with me, I still want to be with you Kagi-kun.
I also want to mention something. I’ve kind of picked up this little.. thing.. of counting the panels of their ten second touching as if each panel is a second. Now, I’m too lazy to look through right now but there was at least one time when it equated to about 10 panels, 10 seconds, right? Well here, I’m counting 14 panels of his head being on Hirano’s shoulder. I was talking with friends about this and we were so unanimous about the fact that this was *not* 10 seconds long. Okay, it could’ve been, but c’mon, between all their talking, do you reallyyyy think Kagiura was fully counting the whole time. Be for real
Oh… Was that 10 seconds already? Back to the lighting. MAN. So good. The shadow on both the boys as Kagiura removes the weight of his head from Hirano’s shoulder. I hope his shoulder felt lighter. I hope it felt wrong to feel so light. Just like when Kagiura removed his arms from around Hirano after the hug and Hirano shivered a little. I hope each and every continued loss of weight and warmth is an accumulated strip torn off of Hirano’s psyche, and I hope he reaches the point where he is just a building torn to shreds whose only hope for reconstruction is the handyman responsible for the teardown in the first place.
God I just noticed Kagiura’s made that smiling while looking down face before, in chp 17, and Hirano just watches him so closely… but that wasn’t after touching. However in chp15 it was after their first 10 sec touching, but he wasn’t smiling, he looked blushily anguished, and Hirano was observing him in the panel right before it, top left, just as he is here…
Oh Hirano…bold of you to think Kagiura’s only been teaching you basketball…
It’s so crazy how Miyano dispels all this manga-obtained BL wisdom and yet does not have the intuition to put 2 and 2 together from what is coming out of Hirano’s mouth. It’s okay, not everyone can be Tashiro/Hanzawa…
Also, I feel like everyone’s processed it long enough that it’s just normal now, but Hirano admitting his heart raced during the hug and it not being mentioned at all (not even in motherfreaking SFX) up until this point is insane. It’s insanity. What other finer details are being kept under wraps til much later? Anyway, so I guess Hirano’s parents aren’t the hugging type ;_;
Love the Hiramiya banter. And Hirano’s chibi face in the, “Yeah, right???” panel. Aaaand cue Exhibit #2(?) of Hirano’s selective hearing in full display. So frustrating yet funny. Miyano literally giving out the secrets to the universe FOR FREE and Hirano’s out here like “man I really need the secrets of the universe, whatever shall I do”
I mean, personally, I don’t think we can know for sure yet if his heart was beating hard during the hug from surprise or from ~something else~, until they, like, schedule in a hug or something. Pencil it into their busy schedules in advance and know it’s coming and be fully prepared for it only for his heart to start racing again despite the precognition and become totally ruined inside and out, only then will I sleep soundly at night-
And then the infamous: When he’s around…it’s so much easier to focus. God I wish I could see him 顔が見てえ…Kao ga mitē…I want to see his face…. instant ruination. thrown asunder further into uncertainty. I’ve definitely had crushes where my infatuation developed while at a distance, pondering how much I think of them, and then leading to further physical reactions within their proximity. I feel… good things will come of this date. Though it’d be nice if Kagiura hugged Hirano during the date, to further nail down Miyano’s quote of how much they wanted to see the person, and then getting embraced after.
Ahhh… Hirano pissed off, then receiving Kagi’s text and instantly relaxing and smiling…and regaining the focus to study. Not to mention Hirano adding a date-like activity to their very non-date date. And calling it “not a date, but...”
I’m going to throw them into the sun. /lovingly
#see you guys next time at their “Not A Date But”!!#sorry this got so long#reread number 4?#i'm going to lay down and never get up again#maybe 23 will be out by then#hirano to kagiura#my posts#kagihira
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since I was last on here regularly I got a schizoaffective (depression variety) diagnosis and I feel like it is probably in line with the diagnosis that I’m not fully convinced of it. lol. I think it’s because I experience the negative symptoms 10x more strongly than the positive ones (hallucinations/delusions) which schizo diagnoses are so stereotypically known for. got a soft autism diagnosis but will not be returning for the official diagnosis as I don’t have the funds and it’s prob better anyway because having that in my documents will likely prevent me from doing things I wanna do in the future
I quit smoking cigarettes, and rly everything but I do have a drink once in a while like when I go out to dinner or w/e( I rarely do). as an ex-drug doer that’s a big ol deal because smoking cigs was kinda my last ~bad habit~ I let myself do. realized smoking was a stim for me so I actually just bought some tactile stim toys and we are good2go. will specify that I still have bad habits technically they are just disguised as passable regular things (spending money! but too much! Clothing designer purchases etc. eating issues from a long ass time ago that never fully dissipate) but we are managing
I’m currently in a position in life where I finished one chapter but there’s at least 10 fuckin blank pages before the next chapter and that’s just the vibe. floating in the ether (also mid Saturn return rn)
I’ve been rly in the mood to write something somewhere somehow and I guess that’s what this is I need to dump the thoughts because they are big. overflowing and I have been talking less and less and unable to verbalize in my daily life. kinda wanna take it to like substack or something idk. I need a word document. Some time some silence I’m feelin poetic and philosophical lmao. my first instinct is to think that is embarrassing but it’s literally fine.
#also accepting that I love someone and instead of trying to shoo away the feeling just letting it happen regardless of circumstances#and it actually feels quite nice yall I regret to inform you that giving love and not expecting a return does in face light me up#fact*
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HeliosR - Sing in the darkness - Chapter 1 - Part 27
Translation of Sing in the darkness from ‘Helios Rising Heroes’, a new side arc alongside the current main story arc Like the dawning light.
Nova: I watched your conversations on the screen but, I think there’s more delicate information you must’ve drawn out from how you came in touch with the person themselves.
Nova: Something like, a hint that could serve as to break out of “the current state of affair”----
Nico: Can’t think of anything in particular.
Nico: More importantly, I’m hungry
Nova: Eh
Nova: Bianchi, Jude, let’s go eat something.
Bianchi: Yes, sounds good.
Jude: I’m going if Bianchi’s going.
Nova: Well well now…
Victor: I can sense the estrangement.
Nova: Feelin’ the vibes too, Vic? I wonder if there’s a line they don’t want us to cross after all~?
Nova: They’ve been like that since their rookie days, of how they don’t let anyone get close. A unique kind of characteristic, or something along these lines…
Nova: The synergy between these four is strangely powerful if I had to say~
Victor: Subsequently to Brad and the others from the 10th generation, they served as a suitable example of Rookies training and were highly praised for it.
Nova: They did come across as lone wolves at first… Maybe it’s all due their mentors, Robin-kun’s, achievements~
Victor: Although I still believe that they come across as a pack of lone wolves.
Nova: Yeah. Also feels like it won’t work out if it’s not the four of them…
Victor: I recall that Sage was the only one with a gentle and sociable disposition. Perhaps he truly is the one we must hear from first.
Nova: Right…
Nova: Been a week already, huh. Would be nice if he woke up one way or another…
Sage: ….
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listened to matty's interview on the cam & strick podcast the other day while commuting and if you've been hesitating bc you can't stand doofus hockeymen blabbering but rly love matthew tkachuk, listen to it. he talks a lot a lot WAY more than the interviewers and i was pleasantly surprised-- which is so not the case with spittin chiclets podcast. biz & whit fuckin love the sound of their own voices telling their misogynistic glory tales while cutting off their guests. not to say c&s weren't🙄 but still listenable!
my biggest takeaway from Matthew's interview was how much he is so so soooo ready to, prepared to, has a sensible head for being the face of the nhl to promote the ever lovin fuck outta it, take it to the next level. But the nhl remains garbage league as per usual.
i was especially endeared by how this american boy (half canadian!! I wonder if the 3 kids have dual citizenships...? would make it easier for them to live and work here I'd think.) who (paraphrasing) has found his own personal paradise now living and working in florida said (paraphrasing) "every player should play in canada, on a canadian team, at some point. there's nothing like it" thank you, matty💕 and ty brady for fuckin loving it here.
the talent drain of players to markets where they can live anonymously off the ice is a heartbreak hockey fans don't talk about v much (I'm still really heartbroken about losing ror & schenn to the preds ok!! their vibes, skills, passion and leadership were exactly what our boys needed) ig we just shrug & accept it bc you can't force ppl to enjoy the spotlight and write it off as oh they like the tax breaks🙄 ofc every canadian market player talks about "the pressure"... which ok someone pls explain. Is that not part of competing. Ok fine fine can't force any situation on anyone
Sigh. Idk maybe I'm just having my omg the season is so close am i ready blues. Feelin off about wtf the Leafs vibes are gonna be. I've been ostrich head in sand about my feelings since that discombobulating first week of free agency and i don't think I'll be settled until we get to the reg season. Pls if you're hyped abt the Leafs season don't let me drag u down!!! I am rly excited about the avs, oilers, sens, flames, pens. and yooo let's see caufield hit his stride again. Hopefully this season isn't too long of a recovery period post surgery
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STS9 Take Brooklyn Steel on a Voyage on Friday
STS9 – Brooklyn Steel – September 13, 2023
When they still went by the full name Sound Tribe Sector 9, what the band did was right there in their moniker: sonic voyages that get way out there and most certainly beyond, thanks to a delectably competent blend of space rock, jam-band jazz, electronic music, drum ’n’ bass, psychedelia, EDM and other flavors that push all over the place but doesn’t sprawl. Today, they simply go by STS9, but the mission is the same: Get out there, get wild, blow some minds, blow a lot of minds.
We don’t get STS9 in NYC that often. This weekend’s Brooklyn Steel stand was their first multinight run here since before the pandemic. And that meant that it was time to get down, good ’n’ proper, and on Friday, the first of two nights in Brooklyn, the five-piece served a little bit of everything over two sets.
They’re almost all instrumental, except for some occasional vocal effects or samples from sung or spoken-word records they incorporate. Crucially, and somewhat unique among electronica-shot-through rock bands, they resist the sometimes-jam-band-y urge to let individual solos dominate how the music progresses. STS9 have always been an all-at-once unit that shifts and contorts and rocks and freaks out as one, a moving beast. This helps make their songs feel like, yep, voyages. Most tunes begin either with slow builds that eventually surge to shattering peaks or they get right into your face from the jump, then lightly confound expectations by morphing into different modes before resolving or shifting into other tunes entirely.
Friday’s two sets pulled tunes from so many different corners of what STS9 do, although the common thread was often massive, dance-it-off payoffs, one after the other. “New Dawn, New Day” — with its vocal sample of Nina Simone’s “Feelin’ Good” — was all vibe-y groove. “Wika Chikana,” by contrast, didn’t pick any one groove at all, loving on its gnarly syncopation like a Frank Zappa carnival ride atop New Orleans funk.
“Vapors” — late in the second set — was a jittery video-game soundtrack, starting as heavy space-rock and then setting loose its drummers into propulsive untz-untz territory. “Move My Peeps,” a favorite of this writer’s, built layer upon layer of synths and other sonics to begin spectral and then, as it dynamically upshifted, menacing. The deliberate, woozy “F. Word” sounded trip-hop, but its rhythm turned so stabbing and slashing that it built toward something more industrial-stomp.
Each of these was a little voyage, none too short to feel impatiently explored, none too long to feel formless or trudging. We were totally spent by the time they wrapped up things with a whirring, emotional “Circus” in the encore slot, but we’d have been for hearing what another hour could bring, too. —Chad Berndtson | @Cberndtson
Photos courtesy of Hillary Safadi | @hillasafadi
#Alana Rocklin#Bowery Presents#Brooklyn#Brooklyn Steel#Chad Berndtson#David Phipps#East Williamsburg#Frank Zappa#Greenpoint#Hillary Safadi#Hunter Brown#Jeffree Lerner#Live Music#Music#New York City#Nina Simone#Photos#Review#Sound Tribe Sector 9#STS9#Williamsburg#Zach Velmer
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Valentine’s Day Application
Name: Beth Riley an' no you're not gonna make me say da whole kine cause by time I would be done, we gettin' ready f' Easter.
Age: 29
Do you like to cuddle?: Is Holy Faddah ~da Pope~ Cat'olic? You already know da answer t' dis one as you are in fact my primary victim. I mean...cuddlee? Wha' you call dat person who receive cuddles?
Can we make-out?: This is where Beth giggles and looks away, a corresponding blush to match his. Her already soft voice becomes smaller still, almost inaudible against the sound of drizzle outside. "I mean. No can promise I won't...keep teeth t' myself, but I have it on good aut'ority dat you kinda don't hate it. So."
A night in or dinner out?: Uhm...hones'ly, I know you like goin' out, explorin' da city an' all da funky little pop-ups an' unique places, but I'm sort of a homebody at heart. My compromise den is to take a map of da city and tack it up to dart board, t'row a couple, see where dey land...den go an' pick out appetisers, drinks, food, an' den pack dem back to your house or mine. Now, notice I no say dessert because I would use my bes' feminine wiles t' get you to make me haupia or lilikoi filled malasadas, fresh.
Whip cream or chocolate syrup?: Gonna be Tulio and Miguel right now an' say both? Both is good. But it depends on wha' we gonna do wi' dem an' if mebbe when you say chocolate syrup you mean da dark chocolate an' sea-salt ganache still hot in from da waddah ba'd you made last week. Really broke da mout' an' I could eat our combined body weight of it.
Chocolates and roses?: She gives him a certain look, one that's as rare as hen's teeth. She isn't quite mad at him but something wounds her deep down. It takes a few seconds before she blinks that instant rage away, and then turns her jaw away apologetically. "Don't do roses."
What makes you a good Valentine?: Lessee, I know you forevah. We have a lifetime of ups an' downs, share so many kine in common, we bo'd laid-back kine of people, an' no maddah what we do? Always have a good time togeddah, or make a bad one beddah for one anoddah. So...I guess...dat's jus' it. I know you. I care about you. An' we're bo'd like stupidly soft.
Would you cook for me?: "Haven't in...I dunno how long. It's been almos' fifteen year? You know wha' happen last time I was lef' alone in da kitchen unsupervised...an' so does da Phoenix fire-department. Dey said nex' time dey would charge me wi' arson." They both know she's only half kidding. She can prep-cook and she can work creative wonders with frosting and fondant but she leaves the actual cooking to Chris.
Would you let me cook for you?: Same as cuddle answer. You're amazingly talented in all dat you do. To da point I'm pretty sure dat Kitchen-Witch is more dan jus' someone who practices magick wi' whatevah dey have on hand. An' I know you been tryin' to branch out, make somet'ing different from wha' you do in da bakery. I am volunteer as tribute, den, to be your taste-tester.
Where would you take me on a date?: Mmm. Whaddya in mood for? Live music I'd take you to da Van Buren. Or mebbe Char's if ya feelin' low key an' cozy. Or, since technically Valentimes is also Deat' t' Captain Cook day, maybe Undertow, but sometimes da whole 'ooooh, tiki-bar!' is so offensively fake Polynesia, mebbe we skip dat. Again, depends on where you wanna go, who ya wanna be seen by, wha' ya whole vibe is.
Who’s paying?: Another look, a small archaeological dig in her backpack-that-pretends-to-be-a-purse, and she finally returns to the conversation triumphantly with her wallet. She opens it up and points to the seven different credit cards inside of it. "All of my coloniser family, actually." The smile she gives him is a little sharp, the flick of her tongue not remotely doing anything to soften the look.
What did you get me for Valentine’s Day?: This is where Beth shows her weirdness because nothing she produces is technically Valentines related. Not a single heart, no shade of pink or red or white. Instead she hands him a small wooden crate. Within is a master's collection: A blu ray copy of Possession from 1981. Near Dark, 1987. An uncut copy of Peter Jackson's Dead/Alive. Fright Night. Return of the Living Dead Collector's Edition. Dawn on the Dead, 1978. And the crowning jewel, a fully restored Vincent Prince's House on Haunted Hill, 1958. "I dunno if ya hip t' dis, but movie marathon?"
The baker adjusts his glasses, clearing his throat as if he were a the most regal of judges. His eyes glance at his phone, taking note of the questions on their quiz.They already went over his answers and like a kid at Christmas, he was excited to hear her answers.
Chris nods in half agreement.
He knew her name liek the back of his hand. No, not just Beth. Or Eliziabeth Irene Riley.
Elikapeka Ailine Alohaekauneikahanuola'Ilikea'wahine Riley.
After all, he did spend hours practicing after school with Jess. Writing it over and over in a notebook until he finally got it right, 25 times phonetically and 25 times spelled correctly (though one could spot his early spelling mistakes).
Needless to say, Chris knew her name and age without having to ask. Hell, he could say it just as fast and easily as supercalifragilisticexpialidocious.
A slight red hue fills those chubby cheeks of his at her answer of cuddling and making out. One would think he would be used to her affections. Long before they started dating, Chris was often Beth's cuddlee. The Luna sleepovers usually ended with the younger siblings tangled up on each other's arms. If you asked Chris what he remembered the most about the first time Beth held him, he would tell you he remembers his heart sinking to his stomach when he saw Andy standing over them.
Thankfully, it just earned him a playful (albeit still painful punch to his arm.)
"Cuddlee is definitely the right word," Chris chuckles. "I definitely think you're a top tier cuddler. Olympic level if we're being honest."
Then that's when he hears her voice soften and that giggle that would always make that childhood stutter return as he if saw her for the first time. If there was one person who could tell you about his thing for sharp teeth, it was one Elizabeth Riley.
Afterall, she was the baker's first kiss...and bite.
"You might have some authority on that mi amor" he jokes with a bashful chuckle , "But I'm not gonna complain if I feel a little bite."
When it came to going out, Chris wasn't exaclty a social butterfly. Often more interested in the delicious meals and sweet treats around Arizona. Sometimes taking note but usually just enjoying the ambiance. Plus, he would always appreciate the sight of Beth in a nice dress. But as long as there was good food and even better company, Chris was happy.
"That sounds like a good compromise, as long as I get to try some good food and get to look those beautiful eyes I'm good."
The love of his life earns one of Chris's laughs when she mentions using her best feminine wiles. Beth could easily just smile his way, giving him the world's most complicated order. Best belive he'd find a way to fulfill that order.
"Honestly, you could give me the world's small peck on my cheek and I'd make you whatever you wanted from scratch."
The young Luna can't help but smile at her reference to the Dreamwork's classic, remembering their young days imitating the blonde and brunette duo. He straightens his glasses with a smile that grows at her pronounced love for his dark chocolate and sea-salt ganache recipe. It warmed his heart to know his recipes were appreciated outside the bakery.
Though his smile falters seeing that look. It was rare for one experience the wrath of Beth, thankfully Chris never pushed her to that point. He's only seen that look once before this and thank the Gods he was not the cause. Only the Admiral could get that kind of reaction out of such a kind soul.
He gives her a firm nod.
"I'll definitely make note of that."
Thankfully the mood is lightened with the next answer. A small select few know Chris that well. Beth. His sister. His tias. Can't forget Zora. It was rare for the baker to feel comfy with someone seeeing...all of him.
After all she saw him in a all phases of his life. Good. Bad. Sad. Weird.Just like he supported her, she had his b's even through his worst phases.
"Can't argue with you on that, although I will say betweent he two of us you're the softer one. Why do ya think I can't keep my hands off ya~"
He offers a wink.
A small chuckle soon follows once she mentions the Phoenix fire department charging her with arson if she has another fire incident. Some guys would go out of their way to poke fun at her about this. Even make a few snide comments. But not Chris. He's perfectly happy cooking their meals. What better way to express his love than in the kitchen.
Like she says, he could be a kitchen witch after all.
Soon that cat like tilt of his head follows seeing her thumb through her backpack as she discusses a few potential dates. A night at the Van Buren could be fun, especially if the coloniser side of the fam was paying for it. But then she reveals a wooden crate, further piqued his curiosity. When he goes through it's contents, those soft brown hues widen as that dorky grin spreads across his face.
"Whoa! No way! Thanks!"
He clears his throat, attempting to look as smooth as possible.
"I mean, this is pretty cool. I dont know where to start but I have a few ideas."
A small smile spreads his face.
"Would you be down to spend Valentines day doing a movie marathon? We could pick one of those fancy resteraunts in town and get take out and some wine. I'll even make some of those desserts you like."
He leans over to press a kiss against her cheek.
"I mean it's safe to say you're definitely my valentine. Honestly, even before we filled out this quiz, I was gonna ask if ya wanted to be my Valentine."
[ @brooklynislandgirl ]
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So, we haven't seen Edge of Midnight, but I would still like to give my thoughts, specifically on 3-5. Virgil and Jerchio honestly seem just.. So plural, I can't wait to see them.
3) Feelings/thoughts/desires
In our system, we can roughly feel each others feelings, thoughts, and desires, closer to a sense/vibe sort of way, but it an vary between people (for example, our Torbek can't really connect with anyone, but Duke has a strong connection with Shepherd).
It, honestly, would have to go with how you write them, or the amount of care/role they play with each other. Would Virgil care about Jerchio in the same way Jerchio cares about Virgil? Would he want to know about the others?
The lines might be more the longer Virgil is around, or the longer they're around each other. But, that could also relate back to being a confused/blurry state. A bad day could leave both of them confused of whose thoughts are whose, or what feeling is supposed to be there. There might be a rough approximation, but pinning it down on a bad/blurry day would be difficult. (Probably not as much so, since it's a hypothetical two and we're speaking from... Over 200 experience, but even when we were smaller, Alexander and Ashkie were confused of whose who on a blurry/fuzzy day.) (Yes, there is a term for the lines blurrin', it's called feelin' blurry, literally, but others use different terms, just depends on how ya feel. We use fuzzy or blankin' because it feels more like that to us.)
But, the proxy point, more than likely not. Virgil might be able to acknowledge that Jerchio cares about them, but he is his own being with his own thoughts and feelings and desires. While, overtime, Virgil might start caring about them, being fueled slightly by Jerchio's feelings, that would still have to develop on its own. It, again, relates back to the relationship between Jerchio and Virgil themselves from each of their sides or how strong it may be, or how much they influence each other.
4) "It wasn't sausage at all! It was a penis!"
All situations would be funny, and that would go based off of Virgil's knowledge and want to fuck with people. Would he tell Jericho to stop him from asking? Would he let him stay confused? Honestly, I can imagine the cackling as is of Virgil finding it hilarious.
(Semi-related, askin' about each others anatomy unexpectedly, then bein' met with the response of "You think I would know?! I just woke up!" it golden. (I love fuckin' with Kremy with that.))
5) Communication
From experience: Yes, this is 100% possible, especially if there isn't really.. Barriers between them in terms of memory, with something like that. Virgil and Jericho can take advantage of it (there have been many conversations between us just by talking to ourselves verbally).
The best way we've found communication, verbally, with each other is through pacing. The repetitive back and forth motion turns mindless to the point you can focus on just talking. So on, so forth, yeah! Pacing and talking!
And, yeah, it would look like a scarecrow pacing around the room and talking to himself. We've been walked in on many times, that we put headphones in and make it look like we're pacing to music, heh.
The talkin' especially helps with memory barriers. For us, we've found that it brings us closer together, but also helps us define what happened. We especially do it when writin' things, actin' out and talkin' about what we want to happen, and bein' able to remember it better due to the verbal talkin' and communicatin'!
I don't know if this was helpful, but I hope that this gives somewhat of an insider look! If you need anythin' else, our DMs and asks are open! Have fun writin', and hope ya sleep well!
So I was writing the Jericho and Virgil oneshot, and it made me wonder a few things.
1) how did Jericho taste, if he (assumedly) did not have a tongue? How is he sure he likes the taste of sarsaparilla, if he had no tongue to taste it with pre-metamorphosis?
2) on that note, how does Jericho…consume things, exactly? Like, where does it go? He doesn’t have a stomach (or, at least, he didn’t. Idk about now) or bowels. Is it like a pregnancy situation, where Virgil consumes anything that Jericho does?
3) so we know that Jericho can feel (or at least sense) Virgil’s feelings/thoughts/desires. Does the same work for Virgil? Like, can he feel/sense Jericho’s thoughts/feelings/desires? And how much of that line blurs? Would Virgil, hypothetically, start caring about the others by proxy, because Jericho cares about them?
4) kinda unrelated but not really; would Virgil explain to Jericho what a penis is? Or would Virgil be like “idk, man, ask someone else”? Or would he just. Refuse to let anyone explain what a penis is to Jericho? I mean, I know the man doesn’t have one, but if someone doesn’t let him know then he’s just going to keep asking.
5) now that Virgil and Jericho can take over interchangeably, and Jericho knows what Virgil does/says when he takes over, would Virgil take advantage of this usage of Jericho’s body and just. Have verbal conversations with Jericho? Like, Virgil takes over, says something, Jericho takes over, responds, and so on? Like, would you hear Virgil and Jericho talking from the other room, look in, and just see a scarecrow pacing around the room talking to himself in different voices?
I. Need to go to bed.
#reblog#legends of avantris#edge of midnight#jericho sticks#werecat frost#the shepherd of the system
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Schadenfreude
Description: In a game of cat and mouse, Merkel loves to make you his prey.
Warnings: bondage, spanking, smut, 18+
Notes: In case it needs to be said, this story takes place in the context of plenty of conversations about consent between participants.
Merkel doesn't even have to fuck you to get you off. All he has to do is tell you to strip in that hard voice, letting his accent come through harsher than normal because he knows it puts you in the right headspace. He'll take his time tying you up, dragging the ropes over your body slowly, letting you feel every inch of them as they begin to restrain your limbs, leaving you completely at his mercy.
His coup de grâce is a hook on the ceiling. You never know if he'll anchor your wrists to it, forcing you to stand on the balls of your feet and showing off your legs, or if he'll use it to raise one leg into the air in an elegant arabesque with your arousal on full display for him to see while you balance on the toes of one foot. When he's certain his prey is fully trapped, he'll step back and light a cigarette, admiring his work.
"Can you feel your fingers and toes?" he asks. You’re standing flat on one foot now, with your arms folded neatly behind you and your left leg suspended in midair. It’s not particularly uncomfortable yet, and that’s what concerns you. Any sudden shift in his mood could compel him to adjust one of your lashings and flip you upside down, or send you flying.
"Yes, Herr Merkel," you breathe.
You can feel everything—the taut ropes smarting across your skin and resisting any attempt to reposition yourself, the radiant heat of his body standing mere inches from yours and yet completely out of reach, the little knot of desperation somewhere deep inside your belly pulling tighter and tighter.
"Good," he says, his heavy footfalls circling around you as he checks various places to make sure his rope work is secure and not applying too much strain. He knows that real torture inflicts lasting damage, and that’s not what he’s set out to do. As he checks you over, he touches you as little as possible. He's content to experience you with his eyes only for now, letting you feel more touch-starved and exposed by the second. You'll be more responsive when he does touch you, maybe with a riding crop or his open palm, or maybe just with his sinful lips and that wicked tongue. The anticipation of the unknown is half the game.
Merkel snuffs out his cigarette somewhere behind you. You hear him gathering another length of rope in his hands and your heart begins to race as you wonder what he'll do. He doesn't say anything. He knows there is power in silence, that the mind will go to elaborate lengths to fill it in if given the chance, imagining countless scenarios for how the night could unfold. He lets your mind wander, preparing the rope. You want to beg him to touch you, but you don't dare say a word without his permission, knowing if you do he might decide not to play with you at all. He might just leave you there as his own personal art installation while he spends the evening reading a book and watching you out of the corner of his eye until he finally lowers you to your knees and reminds you that your mouth, like the rest of your body on nights like this, belongs to him. He's done it before.
Suddenly you feel his breath between your shoulders, and it makes you shiver. He secures the new rope to the column tied around your waist. He threads the rope between your legs, pulling it tight against your cunt, and that's when you realize how devious he really is. There is a hard knot in the rope that presses against your clit as he continues working, massaging the sensitive bundle of nerves every time the rope shifts even slightly. Even though the material is rough, the pressure makes you throb with the desire for more. An involuntary gasp escapes your lips and Merkel slaps your ass in warning, the harsh sound reverberating in the quiet room. But even the slap causes the knot to move, a fact which you are finding impossible to ignore.
Merkel secures the final rope through the hook on the ceiling and makes several adjustments. Your left leg is still arched behind you, but he pulls on one more rope, tipping you onto your toes as the knot grinds mercilessly against your clit. You squeeze your eyes shut and force yourself not to make a sound. Merkel loves to watch you struggle to obey him—your noble submission, he calls it. He's always testing the limits of it, and you think he might break you tonight. You know you can’t stay in that stress position for long, but if you try to relieve the pressure on your toes you’ll only transfer it to your center, priming you for release. It could tip you over the edge, and the consequence for coming without permission is far worse than speaking out of turn.
You’re recognizing your predicament when Merkel crooks his finger under your chin, lifting your face up to look at him. He watches you like a cat, a devilish smirk playing at his lips. He always has so much fun when you give yourself over to him like this, and even though he’s ruthless, you can still see the affection in his eyes, because this is a game he plays only with you.
"Don’t go anywhere, Mausi," he teases.
@loomiz @stevesharrlngtons @ladadada-da @skrsgardspam @scxrsgxrd @grandpa-sweaters
#merkel#gordon merkel#merkel smut#gordon merkel smut#merkel imagine#merkel drabble#Mausi means little mouse#Schadenfreude is taking pleasure in the pain of others#merkel x reader#since we still feelin this vibe#Herr Merkel
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“What’s Best For You”
For @iwasbunny ‘s Toxic Collab 🖤 I very much enjoyed writing this. Thank you for letting me join, bby 🖤
Bakugo x Reader x Kirishima
There is Dark Content in this fic. Please read the warnings before proceeding.
Warnings: Begging, praise, degradation, fingering, like two thigh slaps, manipulation, mentions of baby trapping, pussyjob, oral (f and m receiving), unprotected sex, threesome, daddy kink, breeding kink, non consensual filming, jealousy, possessiveness, masturbation (f mentioned and m), manipulation, dildo play and use, size kink, a couple pussy slaps, slight Stockholm-ish vibes at the end (I’m putting this more for just in casies but better safe than sorry 🤷🏻♀️)
W.C.: 3.9K
Pretty sure the banner was made by @doinmybesthere now @katsupeach but I could definitely be wrong I’m sorry if I am 😭 My memory is horrible and I forgot to write it down
“Better start beggin, Princess,” sending you his signature smirk. Bakugo had you in his lap, large hands gripping your hips, holding you in place. His lips and tongue mapping out all the spots along your neck that made you shiver.
“Mmmmm, Daddy, please…”
Chuckling, he takes one of your nipples between his teeth, lightly biting before swirling his tongue over it, your back arching into him. Bakugo looked up at you through hooded eyes, pupils blown wide with lust, “We both know you can do better than that, Y/N.”
“Fuck…please, ‘Suki…need to feel you…please let me feel you…”
“You are feelin’ me, baby. Hands’ve been runnin all over me since I got ya here.” His hands soothing up and down your back and ribs, “Aww whatcha whining for?” He cooed. “If you want something, you gotta use your words, Princess. Say whatcha mean.”
“Wan’ you inside me, please, Daddy…”
Sighing with relief when he reached his hand down, thinking he was lining himself up to finally fill you for being so good for him. Huffing when you felt him sink two fingers into your dripping core. Slowly stroking that little spot against your walls, making you clench around his digits, his thumb dancing around your clit. It felt amazing, as always. Bakugo never failed to make you come apart but you needed more.
“Please, Katsuki,” you whine, burying your face in his neck.
He laughed, slowing his fingers even more, “What, baby? I’m inside you like you asked,” he said, shrugging his shoulders. Gripping your jaw with his other hand to bring your face to his, he licked and bit your bottom lip before thrusting his tongue into your mouth, swallowing your moans. You felt his cock twitch when your hands ran over his undercut threading into his hair. Pushing you back, thumb and fingers still firm around your jaw, his crimson eyes bore into yours, “What the fuck did I say about using your words?”
Your face flushed red with embarrassment, “Want your cock, ‘Suki. Want you to fuck me…”
“See that wasn’t so hard was it?” He asked, grabbing your hips and picking you up, letting his tip tease your entrance.
The highly anticipated moment was abruptly ruined by your phone ringing, the song “She Thinks of Me” by Landon Tewers filling the air. Kirishima told you he set it for his contact as a joke a few days ago but Bakugo knew the real reason. Kiri was your best friend and knew not to call when you were on your “dates” with Bakugo unless it was absolutely necessary so your brain quickly went from needy slut mode to concerned friend in no time at all.
“Sorry, Katsuki, give me a second, it’s important.”
Inside he was fuming but he couldn’t show you that; he didn’t want to scare you off by showing how jealous he was. Instead, he lightly slapped your thigh, giving you a small smirk letting you know he wasn’t mad at you.
Grabbing your phone, you quickly answered, still sitting in Bakugo’s lap.
“Hey Kiri, are you-,” you gasped when Bakugo started playing with your nipples, his thumbs softly rubbing back and forth over them, his tongue darting out every few swipes. Sending him a pointed look, he responded with a wink and continued his work. “Sorry, are you okay?”
While you listened to Kirishima, Bakugo pushed you back, laying you on the bed. You looked at him confused until he sat between your legs and landed a string of spit onto your clit then once again onto his length. He gripped his shaft and slowly started stroking, spreading his spit and pre while his other thumb rubbed circles over your clit. Shuffling closer to you, he held his throbbing length between your folds with his palm before thrusting his hips forward. Gasping and stifling a moan when the tip rubs over your clit, Kirishima asks if you’re okay, a twisted grin stretching across Bakugo’s face.
“Mmhhmmm,” another gasp, “m’fine, Kiri. Please keep going,” returning Bakugo’s stare, your bottom lip tucked between your teeth. Everything was so sloppy; Your arousal coating every thick inch of him as he slid between your folds, one hand holding his cock in place, the other rubbing frantic circles over your clit. His thrusts became frantic, you knew he was going to cum soon and you fared no better. Your eyes rolling back in your head, your breathing heavy, Bakugo softly stuttering your name.
Shifting forward to grab your phone, Bakugo kept rolling his hips against you, putting your phone to his ear, “Hey, Kirishima. I’d like to hear her scream my name when she cums so she’ll call you back.” He smirked before dropping the phone on the bed, increasing his pace. Bakugo groaned your name, covering your lower abdomen with hot, sticky white ropes of cum at the same time you screamed his name. Pussy fluttering around nothing, body twitching from the aftershocks of your orgasm, finally catching your breath, you lean forward to pick up your phone. A cold chill runs down your spine when you see the timer still counting how long the call had been.
You swallow thickly, embarrassment painting your cheeks bright red, you rasped out, “Kiri? I’m so sorry. I don’t even know what to say…” you trailed off. “Oh please, Y/N. Don’t worry about it. Mistakes happen. Wanna just talk when you get back later?”
Relief coursing through your body, you mutter your thanks and agree you’d see him later. Turning to look at Bakugo you swear you can see him forcing down a smile but that would be crazy, right? Surely he’s also embarrassed…right?
Maybe now he realizes who she belongs to
—————
Kirishima couldn’t believe what he was hearing. He knew who you were with and what you were doing when he called because he specifically planned to call in hopes of interrupting. He never thought Bakugo would go so far as to keep going. Kirishima had seen you naked before, hell he’d even seen you masturbate, not that you knew that, but hearing you moan, the wet squelch of your juices sliding across skin, your cute little gasps catching in your throat sent blood straight to his dick. He didn’t care if your pleasure was coming from his best friend, or that said best friend knew what he was up to himself since Kiri responded ‘don’t mind me, bro’. He was just so fucking excited he was getting to share this moment with you. Tugging down the hem of his sweatpants, his length bobbed against his abs, the tip flushed red, dripping with pre, hissing when he strokes a hand over it, spreading it along his shaft. He put the call on speakerphone, surprised he was already so close as his free hand reached down to cup his balls, squeezing lightly. Whimpering a small, “F-fuck,” when he hears you scream ‘oh god, Suki’, spurts of cum covered his hand, some landing on his chest and abs. He grabbed a tissue to clean himself up just as you picked up the phone, of course he didn’t want you to feel bad or embarrassed. You need to know just how much you can trust him before he has his turn with you. So he does what any best friend would do, he reassures you.
Kirishima waited for 10 minutes, knowing you would have left Bakugo’s by then, and called his best bro friend. “Hey, Bakubro. I think we should talk. Come over tonight? She’ll be here but it needs to look like a casual hang out until she goes to bed.”
Bakugo decided to stay over, the three of you drinking and hanging out well after the stars sprinkled the sky. When Kirishima heard your bedroom door click shut for the night, he lightly nudged Bakugo and motioned for him to follow.
“I’ll tell you my secrets if you tell me yours. And don’t you dare try to lie and say you don’t do anything to fuck with other guys in her life,” Kiri said, leveling Bakugo with a pointed look.
Rolling his eyes, Bakugo grunted, “Fine, whatever, Shitty Hair, just get on with it.”
“First of all, I think we should work together…”
—————
Bakugo was back the next night hanging out with Kirishima on the couch while you blasted music, dancing around your bedroom, getting ready for a date. Thinking to yourself how sweet this one is and how hopeful you are that it’ll go past a first date.
“Oi, Kirishima, I need you to distract her when she comes through so I can get rid of him.”
“You got it, Bakubro.”
Two sets of crimson eyes darted to the door when they heard the knock.
“Hey, guys can one of you let him in? I’m almost ready.”
Both of them standing, Kiri went to the kitchen for a glass of water, while Bakugo answered the door. Sending the man a small smirk and nod, Bakugo let him inside, gesturing to one of the barstools in the kitchen for him to sit.
“So, you’re taking Y/N on a date, huh?” Bakugo stayed silent and appraised his apparent competition while Kirishima made friendly conversation with the intruder. Short brown hair, standing at about 6’ even, toned but not defined. To say the least, Bakugo was not impressed. Walking through the doorway, you pulled him from his thoughts. He watched Kirishima accidentally bump into you, spilling his water over the front of your light blue dress. Brandishing out profuse apologies over his clumsiness, Kirishima vowed to keep your date company while you changed.
The very second your door clicked shut, Bakugo was on his feet. One hand wrapped around the intruder’s neck, he pressed him against the wall, “You will leave and forget you ever had a date with her. If I ever see you near her again, I’ll fuck you up. Don’t text, call, snap, write, message, carrier pigeon, nothin’. You disappear and never return. Got it?”
Your date looked to Kirishima for help but found the prior bright smile replaced with a glare that could rival Bakugo’s. Realizing he was on his own, your date quickly nodded and voiced his confirmation, slipping through the front door while Kiri and Bakugo resumed their positions on the couch.
“Damn, dude. Didn’t know you scared them half to death every time,” Kiri chuckled.
“If I don’t they tend to get ballsy and come back around.”
“Okay so what about Y/N?”
“Just watch.”
Walking back into the living room, your eyes searched for your date. Seeing no one, your shoulders dropped, eyes tipping down to the floor. Watching you crumble made Kiri’s heart hurt and Bakugo was no better but now they have the opportunity to be exactly who you need. They knew you better than any other extra anyway. They knew how to make you happy if you’d just let them.
“Hey, Princess. Look, How bout you go get comfy clothes and come watch movies with us tonight? Sounds fun, yeah?” Perking up at the promise of your favorite movies and your two favorite men, you nodded, turning to walk back to your room.
Movies helped but they didn’t make you forget. That all too familiar anxiety rolling around your chest, weighing you down as your thoughts told you something was wrong with you. Why else would every date never call you back? Sitting on the couch, Bakugo rubbed soothing circles over your back while you sniffled against Kirishima’s shoulder, “I just don’t understand what’s wrong with me. Am I that horrible? No one ever calls or asks me on a second date. It has to be something I’m doing, right? This one didn’t even get through the first date and he ran. Like what the actual fuck?”
“Nah c’mon, Princess. You know better than that. S’nothin wrong with you. They’re just stupid fuckin extras that don’t deserve you.”
“Exactly what Bakubro said. You deserve the world and someone that’s more than willing to give it to you.”
“I need someone like you two,” you laughed, “Both of you are always fixing me up when this happens. I’m so glad I have y’all.”
Bakugo shared a look with Kirishima saying, “We’ll always be here, baby. C’mon…go hop in bed and I’ll be there in a minute.”
Kissing both of them on the cheek, you padded down the hall to your room and snuggled in under the sheets.
“I’ll start working her towards us tonight. She belongs to us, just needs to realize it.”
“Sounds good. Night, Bakugo.”
—————
You were on the verge of losing it. You’ve been searching for the last hour and couldn’t find a damn thing that could make this infernal fucking beeping sound. “Goddamnit what the hell is making that stupid fucking noise?”
Beep…
Beep…
Beep…
“You’re mocking me, aren’t you? You totally are you stupid little fucker. When I find you, ooooohhhhh…”
Interrupted by your phone dinging, you pull it from your pocket and open your messages.
Unknown: Look, I really wanted to go on our date but the whole blonde and red guard dog thing was terrifying. Being threatened isn’t really a great first date activity, for future reference.
“What the fuck?” Muttering to yourself, you thought back to the night you were supposed to go on your last date. Your eyes widen as you connect the dots. Every time you were stood up, or so you thought, Katsuki was always nearby. Every single time he was conveniently in the same area as you like he knew it was going to happen.
Beep…
Your attention was stolen by the little teddy bear sitting on your dresser that faced your bed. The teddy bear that Kirishima gave you for your birthday earlier this year.
“Okay what the actual fuck?!”
Fully alert at your scream, Kirishima and Bakugo ran into your room expecting you to be doing anything other than what you were. Panic quickly set in when they saw the teddy bear you were holding. You were seething. The waves of anger were practically visible as the energy rolled from you.
“So it’s fucking true? You’ve been threatening my dates and making them not call me back? Do you understand how manipulative that is? How much pain your actions have caused me?” Wiping away angry tears before they fall, you turn to Kirishima, “And that probably means that this,” holding up the bear before throwing it against the wall, “was your doing? Fucking cameras, Kirishima? I can’t believe you two. Who the fuck do you think you are? What gives you the right to control my life from the background? To fucking spy on me in the one place I’m supposed to feel the most secure. How many others are there?”
Both men’s eyes glued to the ground, not able to handle being at the receiving end of your disgust and the cause of you feeling betrayed.
Finally, Kirishima glanced up at you and gulped, “There are five more.”
“I probably don’t even want to know where they are. This is…the craziest, most fucked up thing…that’s ever happened to me and it was from my…my two best friends,” you choked out between fits of manic laughter. Stopping when you realized, “Wait…that means you’ve seen me naked.” Gasping at your next thought your eyes flew wide, “You’ve seen…seen me…oh my god oh my fucking god.”
Bakugo finally recovering enough to speak, steps toward you reaching his arms out to softly rub up and down your arms. “Princess, we didn’t mean to overstep, we just want to keep you safe. Those pathetic extras don’t deserve you, you’re way too good for them. Kiri just wanted to make sure you were always safe. Isn’t it better that he used cameras instead of sneaking in here while you sleep? Sure, maybe he saw you naked and some other things but that’s okay. Now he knows exactly how to please you…he loves you ya know. We both do.” Slipping his hand around your waist, Bakugo moved behind you, nodding at Kirishima who tentatively walked to you.
Dipping his face to yours, you felt his breath fan over your face, “I do love you, Y/N…just wanted to feel close to you without scaring you off.” Pressing a soft kiss to your lips, he heard you sigh, taking the opportunity to slip his tongue into your mouth.
Bakugo’s hand slipped from your waist to your hip, pulling you to your bed. Lowering his lips to your ear he whispered, “We’ve just wanted what’s best for you, baby and we’re it…let us show you…”
—————
Bakugo pulled you to recline between his legs, your back against his chest as he bit and sucked dark marks onto the skin between your neck and shoulder, claiming you. Kirishima stood at the edge of your bed, his eyes roaming over your figure, taking in and admiring every detail, finally in person.
“Goddamn I’ve seen you naked before but this…holy fuck…” he whispered, leaning over to let his hands ghost over your curves, paying special attention to your thighs and stomach. Dragging the knuckle of his middle finger over your slit he groaned, “Shit you have such a pretty pussy, babygirl.” Bakugo removes his hands from your tits as Kirishima moves up, allowing his mouth to suck and bite the swollen buds.
“See, Princess? We know how to take care of you. You can’t be mad at us for wantin to…” Katsuki reasons.
I should still be mad, you tell yourself. And you were right, you should be angry. Even fucking livid but all you could feel was the tingling between your legs and a disturbing creeping question tickling the edge of your brain.
“What would you do for me?”
“Anything,” both men replied simultaneously.
“Anything?” A breathless whisper, “Seems a bit obsessive…”
“Maybe, but we love you…there isn’t a damn thing we wouldn’t do for you, Princess,” Bakugo mumbled against your shoulder. Kiri dipped between your thighs, feeling his tongue trail up your slit, you tensed as he flicked over your clit.
“Oh fuck…holy shit…”
Kirishima lifts his head, smirking at you, “Hey Bakugo reach in that drawer and give me the purple one.”
“You know about that?”
“Of course I do, babygirl. Watched you fuck yourself with it at least six times.”
Bakugo passed the toy to Kiri who dripped a line of spit onto the head, rubbing it against your drenched folds before slowly pushing it into you. Moaning when Kirishima’s lips wrap around your clit, gently sucking and nibbling, thrusting the toy faster, sucking harder. Bakugo shifts behind you, one hand groping your tits, pinching your nipples, the other wrapped around his cock giving long, lazy strokes. His eyes fully focused on watching Kirishima fuck you with one of your favorite toys. Sliding his hand up your chest to your throat, he wraps his hand around squeezing just enough to make you arch your back and bring you to the edge. You moan and pant, “god…fuck I’m g-gonna cum, daddy…”
Kiri sits up, removing the toy, “No, Little One. The first time you cum with me is gonna be on my cock while I stuff that perfect cunt. Now, clean it.”
Gripping your jaw between his thumb and fingers, Bakugo lightly squeezes and holds your jaw open letting Kiri push the toy past your lips until the tip pushes against the back of your throat.
Kirishima watched you suck your juices off the dildo, humming, he asked, “Bakugo, is she as good with her mouth as I’m thinking?” Bakugo knew exactly how good you were with that smart ass mouth of yours. You on your knees with those plump lips wrapped around his thick cock was one of his favorite images. Smirking at his friend’s lust blown eyes he chuckles, “Why don’t you find out for yourself?”
“Nah I’ve waited so long to be inside her, I’m not waiting any more.” Throwing the toy off the bed, Kirishima landed a light slap to your inner thigh, “All fours for us, babygirl.”
Bakugo stood at the side of the bed, his cock standing snug against his abs. Seeing a string of pre connecting from his tip to his abs as his length bobbed made you lick your lips, eager to feel him fuck your throat and taste his cum on your tongue. Looking back when you felt the bed dip behind you, your eyes widened and your mouth dropped open. Bakugo’s dick was huge but Kirishima’s was monstrous. Long with prominent veins running up his shaft, at least as thick as a bottle of water, the tip flushed an angry red slick with pre.
“Kiri…I don’t think it’ll fit…”
“Awww Little One, don’t worry. I’ll make sure it does. You wanna be a good girl for us right?”
“‘Course she does. I’d hate to punish her by making all of her friends stay away from her,” smirking at your distressed expression, Bakugo continued, “Now be a good little whore and suck my cock while Kiri destroys your pussy.” With a fistful of your hair, Bakugo leads your mouth to take in the head of his dick, thrusting to the back of your throat and dropping his head back to his shoulders, groaning about how good your mouth feels.
Kirishima holds your hips in his vice-like grip, lining up with your fluttering hole.You feel the bulbous head of Kiri’s member finally bully its way inside, you moan sending vibrations down Bakugo’s length.
“Fuck, babygirl…you know how many times I’ve cum all over myself watching you fuck this pussy? You’ve been such a bad girl…giving everything to Katsuki when I was right down the hall,” Kiri grunted, snapping his hips forward, your scream muffled by Bakugo’s dick down your throat.
Every thrust from Kiri shoves Bakugo’s cock further down your throat until your nose is pressed against the patch of blonde at his base. The hellacious pace Kiri set has your eyes rolling back, drool spilling from your lips. Your ass and thighs red and raw from his powerful thrusts.
Laughing at your small whimpers, “Shut up and fucking take it…Maybe I should just get you pregnant, hmm? Then you’ll really be stuck with us. Just keep breeding you…keep you full of babies so you can never leave. Oh shit you like that? I can feel you squeezing my cock, babygirl, no use in lying to me.”
You feel their thrusts getting sloppy, hips stuttering as they slam against your ass and face.
“Hnnnggg…goddamn, baby,” Bakugo moans, “This is where you belong isn’t it? Speared between our cocks…not a single thought in that pretty little head of yours…fuck m’gonna cum…oh shit…you better not fuckin waste any of it…”
The thought of being full of their cum sent you over. Your limbs violently shaking, struggling to hold yourself up any longer. Bakugo and Kirishima filled you at the same time, their cum dripping down your throat and flooding your pussy. Kirishima slipped from you to lay on your bed and pull you into his arms, Bakugo still standing at the side.
“You good, bro?”
“Yeah, Shitty Hair just gotta check somethin’ real quick,” Bakugo said, slapping a hand down onto your abused cunt. “Who the fuck do you belong to, Princess?”
Overstimulated, your body jerks, “‘Suki ‘n’ Kiri”
Another slap, “Who’s gonna block all the other guys in her phone and pretend the cameras don’t exist?”
“Me, ‘Suki, please no more…”
Another slap, “That was for being so damn mean and ungrateful about us doing what’s best for you.”
You nod softly as he crawls into bed behind you, your eyes drift shut as you start to fall asleep on Kirishima’s chest. Threats, betrayal, and manipulation the furthest things from your pretty little cock drunk mind.
_______________
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