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sinceileftyoublog · 3 years ago

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Doug Clifford Interview: Shuffle & Flow

Photo by Brent Clifford

BY JORDAN MAINZER

For All the Money in the World is a time capsule. The album, written by Creedence Clearwater Revival drummer Doug Clifford and Greg Kihn Band bassist Steve Wright, was recorded in 1986 but won’t see the light of day until the end of the month. Since then, it’s been waiting in Cosmo’s Vault--the self-proclaimed storage area for Clifford’s unreleased music--until the right time. “There’s some good music on this album,” Clifford told me over the phone earlier this month. “Right now, more than ever, we need some good music that’s uplifting and makes you feel good.” Plus, for Clifford himself, the tunes have barely scratched the surface: “To me, it’s still new.”

After Creedence Clearwater Revival broke up in 1972, Clifford released a solo album and later joined the Don Harrison Band, which also featured former CCR bassist Stu Cook. In 1995, he and Cook formed Creedence Clearwater Revisited to play CCR songs live without singer John Fogerty, who retained artistic control over CCR. Revisited’s last show was in February 2020 in Mexico, and based on what Clifford told me, that’s likely their last, at least in this version, as Clifford is suffering from Parkinson’s Disease. All in all, though, he’s ready to move on from those songs, instead choosing to look into different parts of the past. Last year, he unearthed his lost second solo album Magic Window. And now, with For All the Money in the World, released under the name Clifford/Wright, he’s beginning to revisit a series of recorded writing collaborations whose release never came to fruition.

Though Clifford/Wright was formed around the rhythm section, the rest of the band that plays on the album is nothing to sniff at: guitarists Greg Douglass (Steve Miller Band), Jimmy Lyon (Eddie Money) and Joe Satriani and keyboard players Tim Gorman (The Who) and Pat Mosca (Greg Kihn Band). The lead vocalist picked for the project was Keith England, whose emotive howl ties it all together on the title shuffle and stadium anthem “I Need Your Love”. While the first two songs sound like something you might expect to be recorded in 1986, other tracks operate under different styles and recording aesthetics. The rockabilly echo of “She Told Me So” lies in stark contrast to the ripping guitar jaunts of “Lost Pride Fever” and “Weekends” and the funk snap of “You Keep Runnin’ Away” and “Just In The Nick Of Time”. Indeed, some songs on here sound like they could be Steve Miller or Eddie Money jams, but for the most part, they sound like lost relics of rock radio, comfort food for troubling times.

Clifford hopes For All the Money in the World is more than nostalgia, though. For one, he’s “calling the shots,” releasing the album on his own label, Cliffsong Records, with a distribution deal through Bob Frank Entertainment. “It’s like a publisher’s outlet for the songwriters involved,” he said. “It’s really kind of exciting.” His hopes are that the songs do land on today’s rock radio or do well streaming so they can release it on vinyl. “I still get a kick out of it,” Clifford said about hearing his songs on the radio. Not bad for somebody who started playing in bands at age 13. And while it’s very much not a CCR album, he’s excited for CCR fans to hear it, okay with the long-disbanded legendary outfit as the connecting bridge for listeners. They might just come away with a new favorite song.

Pre-save/pre-order For All the Money in the World, out August 27th, here, and read my conversation below with Clifford, edited for length and clarity.

Since I Left You: I was struck by the variety of styles on this album. You think to yourself, “What would music written around the 80′s sound like?” There’s some of that, but there are other sounds, too. Do you remember consciously trying to write in a number of styles?

Doug Clifford: Yes, because we were trying to get a record deal. We were the only writers in the group, and we wanted them to know we could write more than just “Bad Moon Rising”. There’s really not much in there that sounds like Creedence. With Steve Wright on bass, that changes a lot of things. It puts a different spin on it from the standpoint of the house the songs are built on, the rhythm section. It’s exciting. I listen to it as if it’s another band. [laughs] Normally, I don’t do that. Steve passed away in [2017], so we won’t do any more writing or playing, but this album is a chance to hear a great bass player and songwriter. I’ve got three terrific guitar players in there, too, Joe Satriani, Greg Douglass from Steve Miller Band, and Jimmy Lyon from Greg Kihn and Eddie Money. A guitar extravaganza. A lot of good stuff coming from this record.

SILY: Not only does the record sound different from CCR, but I heard a lot of the other projects the players were involved in, like Eddie Money and Steve Miller.

DC: Yeah, but when we were doing the writing, those guys weren’t in the band. Steve Miller is one of my best friends. He loves “She Told Me So” on this record. He sent me an email all excited that said, “I was dancin’ around my studio! You still got it!” [laughs] I love that guy.

SILY: I like songs like that, that have a little more of a shuffle.

DC: That would be [the title track], too. I love shuffles.

SILY: You’ve said people need songs like this at a time like now. When you wrote and recorded them, did you know you’d put them away for a while?

DC: Not really. If you’re a songwriter, you want to have versions of your songs that sound radio-ready instead of just [recorded on] an acoustic guitar. I produced everything that we wrote, so we had good versions of our work and presented it that way. The idea was not to put these things out as albums, but for record companies. Then you’d go out and play, and they’d send their A&R guy. Steve didn’t want to play in any of the clubs we’d have played in, and you need a band that plays, so that started the tailspin of this project. [After that,] I did a solo singer-songwriter album [Magic Window], and I did projects for areas that had overgrown forests and droughts. I had kids that were going to school. So I sort of slowed down on the music and slapped [these songs] in Cosmo’s Vault. That’s where they stayed till a year or so ago. I [finally released Magic Window], but nothing happened because...COVID hit, and it really changed everything. There’s been enough time that we’re all living through the virus that it’s time to hear [For All the Money] on the radio to make me feel good. It’s a labor of love that all songwriters have. Allowing people to hear the excellent musicianship of Steve Wright playing bass. There’s a little difference in my playing as well. It’s fun, really enjoyable.

SILY: When you were originally writing the lyrics and instrumentation, were you going for a feel-good, uplifting type thing?

DC: When you’re looking for someone to invest in you and put you on their label, you want them to like your music, too. I’ve never been a guy to write songs that make you feel bad. [laughs].

SILY: What were you looking for in a vocalist, and why did you end up going with Keith?

DC: We were so fortunate to have Keith in many ways. He was the youngest guy we were working with. I would be the guy to teach him the songs, as the writer of the words. He had to sing those words and get the idea of the song across, which is a big job for any singer. He took special care to get the essence of the song. It makes a big difference to learn the words and melody. I took extra time to write the melody, because I’m putting the words out there, and a lot of time, the melody would depend on what the words were. You have to give the singer places to breathe. I gave Keith liberty to let me know if something wasn’t working for him vocally, to sing it the way he was comfortable. He always came through. The idea of a song is like a chapter in a book. It has to have meaning and a certain ambiance and feel to it. That’s at least my approach to writing and performing, really. He nailed every song in a very professional approach. That’s not an easy thing to do, especially over 11 songs.

There are other songs in the vault from the sessions that he did. He was the only singer we had. I’d like to see success, not just for myself and Steve, but for Keith. He was the only guy on the session that wasn’t in a band that had a Gold or Platinum album, and he’s very deserving of it. I’d love to see this thing be successful on that level because I’d love to walk up to his front door and knock on it and hand him a Platinum album. He’s still trying to do it. He has been for 30-some odd years. He can still hit most if not all of those notes. He doesn’t complain about it, he just stays at it, trying to get to that spot. I’d like to see that happen for him.

SILY: This album was recorded in a number of different studios, and some tracks do sound a bit lower-fi or raw. Did the difference in sounds among the tracks correspond to the different studios you recorded in?

DC: Not really for that reason. What’s really important is trying to get an attitude out of a certain song. It is rock and roll after all. The sound of the studio wasn’t something that dictated the direction.

SILY: At what point did you decide to name the album after the title track?

DC: That song, the first time I heard it, it was one of those that Steve said, “Listen to this!” He had the chorus and the lyrics. [sings] “For all the money in the world, girl / For all the kisses in the sea, baby...” I went, “That’s a hit.” Whenever I play that song for people, they all say, “That’s a natural hit.” Being a shuffle adds a lot to do with it. Shuffles have a magic to them. You just can’t help but tap your foot. Your body moves with it. The approach to have it be a shuffle is right up my alley. Creedence didn’t ever do one, and I always wanted to have a shuffle to record. There it was! It was a natural as the first song on the record. The second one that’s out now is a different type of song, to show the album’s versatility, but I had an inkling that it might be a good idea to name it after the first song on the album.

SILY: At what point did you come up with the order of the tracks?

DC: Listening. [laughs] That’s very important. Again, they’re like chapters in a book or story. I did a lot of shuffling around--there’s that shuffle again--seeing which order played best. It took a while, but that’s something worth spending time on. You want to get it right.

SILY: You’ve said any of these songs could be a single. Do you have a favorite?

DC: [The title track] is probably my favorite for that reason. It’s simplistic in its style, and usually, those are the best ones, the easiest ones to understand, though everybody has their own understanding of music. It is art; you can look at a painting, and 10 different people can have different opinions on it. It’s the same with music. Each song has a different meaning to a different person. That’s great; that way you can touch millions of people instead of 10.

SILY: What’s the story behind the album art?

DC: The story behind the album art is my son [Grady Clifford] did it and I needed a cover. That’s it! I didn’t tell him anything. When I saw it for the first time, I just went, “Wow!” He’s very talented. He did the Revisited cover. Whenever I need art, I don’t tell him what to do. He just does it. My wife [Laurie Clifford] is an artist, too. She did the artwork for [CCR]’s first album. Very recently, she got it in the de Young Museum. They had a show of album covers from the 60′s. The Clifford family has a drummer and artists. One of the things about going from vinyl to CDs is the art is a pretty good size. I miss a lot of aspects of the packaging. I have a couple of good album cover folks within the confines of the house here.

SILY: What’s next from the vault?

DC: A project I did with the same songwriting concept. Two of us did all the writing. The other guy was Bobby Whitlock. I’ve got a Bobby Whitlock album with a group we had for a short while. Bobby’s wife didn’t like living in the East Bay. She wanted to live in the Northeast. Happy wife, happy life, so we had to split when we were close to getting a deal. Another addition to Cosmo’s Vault!

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karasunoloomer · 4 years ago

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only shallow (haikyuu!! band au)

chapter 1: first impressions wc: 1.5k synopsis: yachi hitoka joins a band. envy and tinnitus ensues. masterlist an: literally just a passion project of mine i'm working on to pass the time. a lot of call outs to my favourite bands will come sooner or later. self indulgent? entirely so. do i care? yes but pretend i don't

read under the cut!

This was it. She could hear the band from the outside of the house; a consistent, yet disorganised stream of music thumping against her ears, growing louder as she steps closer to the front door.

"Yachi, you can do this!" The blonde girl tells herself. The cocoons of nervousness in her stomach kept at bay for the past week, had finally emerged as butterflies. She'd never met these people in real life, spare talking to the drummer on the phone, and a million possibilities swan through her mind.

Would they like her? Will she be good enough for them? Was this a ruse for a money laundering scheme, or worse a sight for a potential kidnapping? She had work in just under half an hour, and being kidnapped was not factored in to her schedule.

Trying to shake the intrusive thoughts off her mind she knocks on the door. The music continued. Okay. They just didn't hear her. She takes a deep breath, and knocks again, louder this time.

"Oh shit I think that's her!" a voice behind the wall exclaims and the music stops. Thirty seconds later and the door opens with a boy just taller than her popping his head through. "Yachi?"

She nods as he unlocks the screen door in front of her, "Come on through, we usuallly practice in Tsuki's garage. It's just down the hallway!"

His eagerness and enthusiasm prompts Yachi to recognise him as the one who had taken her call. To be honest, she still didn't know what had come over her when she decided to answer the ad. It was just so happened that one night, while she was on the closing shift, she spotted it. It was hand written, stuck on the community notice board snuggled in a spot beneath the lost pets and above the second hand cars.

Looking for a bandmate to jam with :) Musical experience is preferred. We're looking to make it big, so commitment is key. If you're interested call the number below:

Yachi did have musical experience, although it was more polished than the DIY vibes she got from the advertisement. Learning piano, at the request of her mother, for twelve years did come in handy on rare occasions. She hadn't played in front of an audience since her first year in high school, so she didn't have the performance skills for a live band. But on the other hand, she thought, the years of lessons and sore fingers had to account for something, even if it was just playing chords on a keyboard. This wasn't like the proper, school recitals. This was a band. Where she'd have creative freedom and make friends and jam out.

Her life was at a stalemate at this point in time, the hope of university was still there, although Yachi had to first endure the drudgery of work. Joining a band would bring some flavour to her routine, and encourage her to get out and talk to people; people who weren't her co workers or entitled customers. With this in mind, Yachi pulled one of the numbers off and placed it in the pocket of her apron.

Which led her here. In someone's garage, staring at a bunch of boys she'd never met in her life. The butterflies were going crazy by now, and she was trying her very best to stop the word vomit from coming up.

"Everyone, this is Yachi, she answered the ad," the ginger announces, the enthusiasm in his voice ever present. "I'll introduce you to the guys first! The one who looks really scary is Kageyama, he plays guitar and is a super genius."

Yachi spots a black haired boy with a stern look on his face and her knees nearly give way.

"...The tall guy is Tsukishima and he plays bass. Don't worry if he's mean, he's like that with everybody."

Tsukki nods at Yachi.

The ginger boy then points to the person checking cables, "That's Tadashi, he's our vocalist and sometimes plays tambourine."

Tadashi pauses his work to wave at Yachi. She meekly waves back.

"And the best for last," he gestures to himself. "I'm Hinata and I'm the drummer!"

Yachi gulps. They looked so sophisticated, and so scary, something she couldn't pull off in a million years. "Hi everyone," she murmurs softly, failing to meet anyone's eyes.

"What instrument do you play?" Kageyama asks, failing to recognise her nervous demeanour.

"Oh um, I used to play piano, and I know that piano players aren't really needed in bands a lot but I figured I could play keyboards or help out with musical composition." The word vomit had started, she knew it wouldn't help her case but she continued anyway, "You guys don't have to let me be in your band if you think I'm too bad at it or anything..."

Kageyama cuts her off, "You play piano?"

Yachi nods.

He looks at Hinata, a pissed off expression on his face. "Hinata, we needed another guitarist."

Guitarist???

"S-s-sorry Kageyama I forgot to put that on the ad."

"Shoegaze bands don't need pianists. The guitars are the most important part. Does she even know what shoegaze is?"

She didn't. Yachi's heart sinks, the nervousness replaced with the sting of disappointment. As Kageyama and Hinata bicker, the two trying to pin the blame on eachother. Yachi decides to make her way out of the house before the tears well up. Figuring there was no point sticking around if she wasn't wanted.

A voice perks up. "You know, Yachi was the only person who answered the ad. If we dismiss her abilities entirely we could be missing out on a chance to strengthen our instrumentation."

The two are silenced. Yachi stops, turning her head back in surprise, to see Tsukki with arms folded.

He continues, "Going the purist route like Kageyama here will only make us run of the mill copycats. If we don't somehow innovate the sound we'll be forgettable. I think someone classically trained could be an asset and could push our music in a different different."

"See Kageyama?" Hinata exclaims. "She'll be great! What do you think Tadashi?"

The brown haired boy- was that a tint of green?- shrugs. "I can fill in as a second guitarist if Kageyama really wants it. I don't see why Yachi shouldn't be in the band."

He turns to Kageyama, who has been quiet since Tsukki initially spoke up. He stares at Yachi directly, his unreadable gaze making her tremble. He breaks it and addresses Tsukki, "You're right." More silence. "We'll trial her, and if she fits she can join us permanently. We can't guarantee she'll mesh well with our sound just yet."

A sigh of relief escapes her. She was in! Well, not in just yet, but they were willing to give her a shot! "Thank you so very much you guys for letting me join. I'll try my best, I promise. Thank you thank you thank you!"

Hinata pats on her the back. "That's totally alright Yachi! It'll be awesome with you around, I'm sure you'll do great. Right guys?"

Tadashi gives a thumbs up, Kageyama's face remains unchanged and Tsuki shrugs.

"Once again thanks," Yachi smiles, her shoulders loosening up and breathing a small smile of relief. She turns to walk out the door, calling behind her, "Please text me when you guys are practicing next!"

"Are you leaving already?" Hinata pouts. "We can't hear you play."

"Oh I'm super sorry!" Yachi says, flustered once more. "I just have work. Next time I promise I'll bring my keyboard and jam out with you guys. I swear!....Ahhh!"

Kageyama's hand is on her shoulder. He hands her a torn piece of paper, covered with his handwritten scrawl. "I made a list of shoegaze albums. Listen to these. They're important."

"Uhh.. thank you." She pockets the piece of paper and then turns around to wave at her newly found band mates, "See you guys!"

Finally out of the garage, and making her way towards the store, she reads the list Kageyama has given her. Yachi could almost admire his passion for the genre; quite a few albums were listed with hasty notes detailing the important aspects she should look out for, but the stench of elitism he exuded kept her from fully acknowledging his prowess.

She had no idea how she'd find the time to listen to the extensive list of music he'd given her before their next rehearsal. She spent the majority of her time working and her manager barely let her play her own music in the store, instead subjecting her to repeated listens of Green Day. Regardless, Yachi thinks to herself, she needs to listen to this. It was essential to keeping her on Kageyama's good side, improving her chances to be included in the band as a worthy musician.

Her eyes glance at the album listed first. It is circled, and the title written over at least five times to give the impression it's bolded. Beside it: "MOST IMPORTANT- IF YOUR (Yachi cringes slightly) GOING TO LISTEN TO ONLY ONE, PICK THIS ONE!!!!"

"Loveless," she whispers the title to herself, grabbing her phone to look up the album. "Let's go."

#haikyuu!!#gen fanfic #yachi hitoka #kageyama tobio #tsukishima kei #hinata shouyou #yamaguchi tadashi

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dustedmagazine · 4 years ago

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Bill Meyer: Lockdown pickers 2020

You don’t need me to tell you that it’s been a hell of a year. The pile-on of environmental disaster, the COVID pandemic, people being blasted with teargas for having the temerity to suggest that living while Black shouldn’t be a shooting offense, 70 million-odd Americans endorsing and abetting buffoonish fascism, and the virtual evaporation of live music — and that’s just off the top of my head.

Still, 2020 has been a great year for recorded music. Working from home and not going out at night has meant more time to play it, and while the supply and production chains have been undeniably wonky (oh yeah, I forgot to mention our departing president’s efforts to drown the US Postal Service in the bathtub and the Apollo Masters factory fire; really, fuck you, 2020), a lot of good records have made it into my house. The year has also yielded creative musical responses by creative music makers to the loss of live performances. Chicago Experimental Sound Studio provided a platform for The Quarantine Concerts, a series of live-streaming and prepared video performances that took us into performers’ homes, basements, back yards and pottery studios (I’m talking about you, Terrie Ex). No, live-streaming is not the same as attending a concert. The experience of community and shared space can’t reach you through a screen. But hearing Joe McPhee send a shout-out from his basement Batcave to Peter Brötzmann, seeing Arto Lindsay struggle with the orientation lock on his phone and getting drawn into the layered environment that Olivia Block created with film projections, played sounds and no help from an intruding cat delivered some of the same authenticity, disaster and wonder that concerts at their best can provide. And if you have had the chance to attend some concerts since March (I’ve seen three; two appearances by improvising ensembles involving Dave Rempis in a park on Chicago’s north side, and an all-outdoor edition of the Hyde Park Jazz Festival on the south side), you probably already know that live music events aren’t the same, either. The feelings of communal trust and safety, the internal shift that says “yup, this is where I’m supposed to be,” is gone. We have a lot to recapture and rebuild once the pandemic passes.

The sales and streaming platform, Bandcamp, became a hero simply by virtue of simply treating musicians like people who need a hand rather resources to be sucked dry and discarded. The monthly Bandcamp Fridays, when the company refrained from taking its cut and passed that percentage along to the artists and labels, afforded fans a direct way to help out folks whose work was getting them through the day, and allowed people who had lost all their performing opportunities a chance to make a little money. Some players took the opportunity to release music solely through Bandcamp. English soprano/tenor saxophonist John Butcher has issued seven titles collectively dubbed The Memory of Live Music. They are a sequence of previously unreleased, archival concert recordings monthly, all splendid musical statements, but also reminders of what we have been missing. Chicago saxophonist Dave Rempis’ Aerophonic Records likewise posted live recordings of short-lived ensembles like the Outskirts that he’d never gotten around to documenting, as well as one-off encounters, such as a marvelously wooly 2012 concert with guitarist Terrie Ex and drummer Tim Daisy at Milwaukee’s Sugar Maple.

But Bandcamp also gave some musicians an opportunity to create outside the frameworks of physical recordings and performance in physical proximity. Soprano/tenor saxophonist Ingrid Laubrock and her husband, drummer Tom Rainey, used her Bandcamp page as a conduit for Stir Crazy, a semi-weekly series of home recordings. Each installment lasts 15 or 20 minutes, and it might be a free improvisation, a run through a friend or inspirational elder’s compositions, or a topical commentary, such as the loving, skeletal performances of tunes from the American Songbook that they offered a few days after the election. And jazz clarinetist Ben Goldberg has kept a Plague Diary of nearly-daily sketches for clarinet and electric keyboard. Some celebrate friends, colleagues, family members, and historical figures; others simply work out an idea. It feels a bit like an invitation to look over the guy’s shoulder and see how his notions come into being.

Other parties made the circumstances of the time into a premise for new work. Mary Staubitz (Donna Parker) and Russ Waterhouse (Blues Control) reached out to fellow musicians to contribute to Distant Duos. Each candidate’s mission was to improvise for five minutes while thinking of another player, who would likewise improvise for five minutes while thinking of their counterpart. Then Waterhouse and Parker would combine the tracks. The circumscribed duration and prior acquaintance kept collaborations by the likes of Kryssi Battalene / Jayson Gerycz and Jeb Bishop / Joseph Mauro charged and focused. And the Swiss label Insub instituted Distances, for which it enlisted eight composers (including Michael Pisaro-Liu, Ryoko Akama and Sarah Hennies) to devise pieces to be performed by two physically remote musicians (such as Mike Majkowski & Cyril Bondi, or Cristián Alvear & Violeta Motta). Each contribution consists of two videos, one a sequence of interviews with the composer and the players, the other a split-screen projection of the music being played. And if you want to take the music home, you can always buy it on Bandcamp.

But the response that compelled me most is AMPLIFY 2020: quarantine, an online festival of new work initiated by Estwhile Records’ Jon Abbey. On March 12, as concert seasons canceled and countries went to lockdown, Abbey and a circle of associates invited sound artists to contribute newly recorded pieces. Over the next six months they posted 240 pieces to Facebook and Bandcamp. Most were solo works, but several were blind duos for which musicians with shared histories and separate addresses submitted solo pieces with the understanding that they’d be mixed together. At the end of the festival, Taku Unami combined sounds from all 240 pieces into a final entry, “All Together Now.” The works encompassed paint-stripping noise, solemn études, field recordings, electronic music, musique concrete, improvisations, compositions, and works that combined several of the aforementioned methods. The contributors included people you probably know (Tom Carter, Toshimaru Nakamura, Sarah Hennies, Vanessa Rossetto), others I certainly didn’t (Fangyi Liu, Asha Sheshadri), and one who also writes for Dusted (Michael Rosenstein). They made diaries of their circumscribed days, laments for lost experiences and memorials for friends who died during the festival’s duration. There are too many good ones to name, so I’ll just single out a couple performers whose work especially touched me. Reinier van Houdt’s first piece, “drift nowhere past (22 march 2020),” marvelously captured the still loneliness of life that had shrunk to what you could perceive through a window or a screen. Five subsequent monthly instalments came to feel like notes of progress from an ongoing search for purpose and grace. And the radio captures that make up Keith Rowe’s “GF SUC,” recorded as Black Lives Matters protests arose around the world, imparted sadness beyond words; I’ve heard no music that was truer to the tragedy of this time.

Bill Meyer

#yearend 2020 #dusted magazine #bill meyer #experimental sound studio #dave rempis #hyde park jazz festival #bandcamp #john butcher #aerophonic records #stir crazy #plague diary #distant duos #distances #live music #improvised music #jazz #quarantine concerts

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littlejeanniebean · 5 years ago

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Ep. 3 | The Marauders: Riddle Records

A/N: “Come to the dark side. We have a solo career.” - Tom Riddle Jr., probably. On a lighter note, I can just see them backstage like this by the lovely artist @theimpossiblefifth. Read on AO3 :) Enjoy! - J xx

One look in your eyes

I can read your mind

You're naughty, my type

Care for a good time?

You could be just like all your high society friends at high tea

You could get with a football player

But there’s nothing like a shot of adrenaline in the morning

You know you want a dragon slayer

“Like me,” James mouthed seductively to the camera and winked.

“I’m Alice Fortescue, these wonderful lads are The Marauders, thank you for joining us this Saturday Night Live!” the actress grinned widely as the camera backed away.

The boys all gathered around her in a group hug.

“Holy shit! That was incredible!” Obviously, this was Sirius speaking.

“You were wonderful, honey,” a low voice whispered.

A smiling man with sweet eyes and a mop of dark hair put his arms around Alice.

“Oh, everyone, this is my boyfriend, Frank!” the bubbly actress grinned widely, “He’s a photographer for GQ.”

“Sick!” James shook his hand.

“Nice to meet you, Frank; lovely working with you, Alice; hope you’ll both come to one of our shows sometime, ta-ta!” Sirius practically dragged the band away before anyone could say anything more.

“What was that?” Remus tutted at his boyfriend.

“Yeah, ta-ta?” the bespectacled boy wiggled his nose to adjust his glasses that had gone askew, “Who says that?”

“Not what I meant,” the pale, mousy-haired boy shrugged off his suit jacket in their shared dressing room.

“Look, I’ll explain later!” Sirius pleaded, “Just hurry up and let’s get the hell -”

“Yoo-hoo! Siri!” a warbling, high-pitched voice giggled on the other side of the door, “This is their room here, Tommy...”

“Christ,” the dark-haired boy covered his face with his hands.

“We’ll deal with Bella,” James set his jaw and turned to the other two, “Ready?”

Remus and Peter rolled up their dress shirt sleeves and nodded.

The trio filed out of the dressing room, forcing Bella Black and her friend backward, and immediately shut the door behind them.

“He doesn’t want to see you or any of your family again, Bella,” said James sternly, giving the show's new cameraman the stink-eye for good measure.

Bella stuck her tongue out childishly.

Her guest grimaced and offered his hand to the boys, “I’m sorry about her. She overheard I was interested in speaking with you young talents and… well, it got a bit out of hand. I’m Tom Riddle, of Riddle Records.”

Really, the man with chiseled features and dark slicked back hair wasn’t much older than they were. But he was dressed more expensively than they could ever be comfortable with, even with the fresh success of their debut album.

“You’re Senior’s kid,” James nodded, his mother being an agent in the industry. He noted just the smallest flinch at the mention of the man's father. “With all due respect, we already have a label.”

“A label that has you locked into a contract as a group,” Tom gave them each his card and presented James with another one for Sirius, “We would pay any fees associated with breaking your current contract, then we would launch your solo careers - James as the pop prince, Sirius as the rock and roll bad boy, Remus as the R&B god, and Peter as the jazz legend!”

“We’re better musicians together,” said Remus.

Tom leaned in, “Your success now, quadrupled. Plus the potential for high-engagement collaborations among you. The freedom to create in your own style on top of that. Imagine it. And give me a call.”

"Ta-ta," Bella blew them each a kiss in a way that could only be described as menacing. When they were out of the boys' earshot she simpered, "You're such a clever businessman, Tommy."

"Don't call me that," he yanked his arm away and pressed his phone to his ear irritably, "I found us some new business and laid the groundwork. Can I have my allowance now?"

The Marauders flew back to Scotland that night and rehearsed for months until they were ready to drop before flying back to LA for Night One.

“Nervous?” Sirius whispered while they waited for their opening act, DJ Dedalus Diggle, to finish his set.

“Why would you ask me that?” James huffed, adjusting his bright red tie for the umpteenth time.

“You need more glitter,” Molly patted his cheekbones lightly with her pointer finger, which was covered in the golden stuff.

“Five minutes, boys!”

“Thanks, Arthur!” Remus spoke for them all.

“We’ve got this, Jimbo!” Peter bounced excitedly on his heels.

“Easy for you to say. You’ve been performing at recitals since you were big enough to reach the keys from the bench.”

“The jitters never get old,” his baby-faced friend told him, “but we’re all going out there. And with everything we do together, we always have fun.”

James nodded to himself and made sure to check on their drummer for the tour, “You good, Kingsley?”

The man in a rose-red disco suit twirled the sticks deftly in his hands, “Let’s do this.”

“... and now, Los Angeles,” Diggle hyped the crowd, “give it up… for The Marauders!”

The lights went up and the boys looked out at the incredibly emotional fans who’d come to see them.

“Right,” James whispered, reaching for the microphone with shaking hands, “A-one, two, three.”

I don’t have a lot of time

I’m running for my dear life

Can’t breathe without you by

Aye aye aye

It’s a full house

But I’ll seek you out

It’s a wild crowd

But I’ll seek you out

I don’t know how

But I’ll seek you out

James couldn’t help grinning ear to ear as Sirius broke out into his guitar solo.

Remus pointed out a sign that said, “Marry me, James Potter!”

The lead singer laughed and spoke into his mic, “Well, will you buy me dinner first, at least?”

The girl promptly fainted.

Arthur was by her side immediately to make sure she was alright.

“Oh, dear, you’ve hit your head,” Molly crouched down beside him and handed the young girl an ice pack.

The red-headed manager got his first good look at the videographer and her multi-pocketed fishing vest and cargo pants.

She noticed him staring, “I’ve known these boys a long time. You never know what you’re going to need.”

“Good advice,” he helped her and the fan back up in one go, “I’m Arthur.”

“Molly,” she grinned, hoisting her camera back onto her capable shoulders and focused back in on James.

Under your spell, I like how you play it

Keeping it cool is so overrated

Waiting on you, every breath bated

Hey hey hey

They played LA two more nights before moving on to San Francisco. Then Vegas, then Seattle, and across the rest of the continent, all the way to New York.

“Madison Square Garden,” James swallowed, taking in the iconic jumbotron above their heads and the entire stadium, really.

Just three hours later, he was up on that very stage, sweat trickling down his back and the bridge of his nose as he sang his heart out about a funny story the designer, Lily Evans once related about her sister via Instagram post.

There’s a little house on Privet Drive

Where nothing ever happens

Little curtain twitcher of a wife

And a little boy and husband

But when they leave for their nine to five

And the little boy goes to school

The little old lady with cats ninety-nine

Does what she wills to do

Living next to ordinary no. 4

So much to do, so much to explore

The grocer down the street from me

His daughter left for university

And he needs the comfort of my tabbies

Yessiree, that’s what I’m here for

Your neighbour next to ordinary no. 4

After that, they went all over South America. The streets were typically too narrow to drive a tour bus around, so they often jetted from one country to another and rented a little convoy of minivans to take them to the arenas from their hotels and back.

“Shit, Petey’s got food poisoning!” Remus fussed over the poor boy.

“I’m fine! Really!” the blond insisted before doubling over and retching once more.

“I can fill in,” DJ Diggle adjusted his signature flat cap, “I have all your songs pre-recorded -”

“We have half an hour to get it out of his system!” Sirius declared determinedly, “We’re not going on without you, Pete!”

“I’ve got the doctor!” Arthur came in, followed closely by a middle-aged woman with apple cheeks and curly hair.

“You need to replace your fluids,” Molly handed Peter a bottle of electrolytes.

“Yeah, it’s a common bacterial infection going around among tourists,” said the doctor, giving him a dose of antibiotics, “He’s not in any shape to perform, you lot, so you might as well let him rest.”

“I can - oh,” Peter ran to the bathroom.

“How soon can you give him another dose of that?” Sirius asked anxiously.

“Not any time in the next half hour,” she narrowed her eyes at him, apparently having overheard his earlier proclamation.

“Poppy’s right,” said Arthur, “Peter’s health comes first. Dedalus, isolate the keyboards in every track and queue the set list.”

“Try to keep in time,” Sirius added.

“No improvising for tonight, lads,” Arthur warned the regular band members.

“But -”

“I’m serious.”

“And so am I!” he could only maintain a straight face for two and a half seconds after he said this.

James sighed as they waited for the DJ to introduce them half an hour later, “It’s not going to be the same without Peter.”

“We’ll make the best of it, Jimbo,” Remus assured him, “and he’ll be back with us for the next one.”

The frontman set his jaw, pushed his glasses up his face and pulled the microphone to his lips.

Do you remember

The games we used to play

Mermaids underwater

Aliens in outer space

Do you remember

The sticks we’d raise aloft

We called them swords and never

Lost the battles that we fought

Peter was back on stage the next night, to much celebration and all too soon, they flew back across the pond for their European leg. Of course, their first stop was Scotland.

“It’s so good to be home,” James sighed happily, pausing to wipe his glasses on the hem of his shirt and winking at a girl who lost it at the sight of his abdomen, “This is our last song. Please join in if you know the words. Or make them up. Just have a good time. Be as loud as you want to. We love you all, thank you for everything you’ve done for us. We’re the luckiest boys in the world.”

Is there a risk to it?

Is it a challenge?

If there isn’t, if it isn’t, I don’t want it

Yeah, I wanna do some damage

I feel lucky tonight

I got you by my side

Seven days in a week

And you spend them with me

So hell yeah, I feel lucky

"That sounds really good, Pete," said James from where he lay on the floor of their stage after the arena emptied, "We could use that."

Peter chuckled, "It's Chopin. A waltz."

James ambles over and his friend makes room for him on the bench.

"It's a split C chord, then F, A flat..." he guides him through the song. It's out of time and messy, but they're having fun. "James…"

"Yeah, Pete?"

"What are we going to do about Tom Riddle's offer? I mean, his dad’s label practically owns half the music industry. And Castle is just this little independent… He could make our lives more difficult than he already has."

"Unless we join him, you're thinking?"

"We could ask Arthur to negotiate a group contract just the same. I doubt they'll dislike the idea of paying less upfront."

"But what about loyalty to everyone at Castle? McGonagall? Urquart?" James shook his head, "We're having a successful tour in spite of the ticket bots Riddle set on us. We're looking out into seas of fans all wearing our merch in spite of his shipment hijacking. And we're having bloody good time because we're not letting any of the homophobic slander he's fueled the press with get to us."

"Here, here!" cheered Sirius, clinking his beer bottle with his boyfriend's.

"Right, rest up, lads! You deserve it with all the work you put into this show," James stood and ambled back to the tour bus, where Shacklebolt was already sleeping soundly, being the earliest riser of them all.

“Goodnight, all!” Peter loved his friends, truly. But he was convinced their stubborn sense of the meaning of courage would do them a great disservice.

As always when confronted with a decision to make, he visited the only jazz bar in Scotland, the Leaky Kettle. Immediately upon stepping inside, he let the smooth piano carry away the stress.

“The usual,” he told the bartender.

“Put it on my tab,” Tom Riddle swivelled around on the bar stool, "Fancy meeting you here."

"You mean you didn't expect to? Didn't plan it?" Peter received his drink with barely more than a sideways glance at their adversary.

"It's just business, Peter. I know you understand that."

"Then why go through all this trouble for one act? There must be thousands - hundreds of thousands - of talented artists who could make you rich."

Tom rolled his eyes, "My father was always… a bit single-minded. He wants to put me through my paces before handing me the keys to the kingdom, so to speak. But don’t worry about that. Just know this: I think your group is talented and I can see that you’re the musical glue holding it all together. You’re the only one with any formal training, after all. And I really can see to your career’s longevity. If you stick with this boyband too long, though…”

Peter raised his eyebrows, “Then what?”

“Well,” the label executive leaned in, “then you’ll need to think about what that does to your image as a real, serious musician.”

The blond boy finished his drink.

“Another one for my friend,” Tom told the bartender, took his jacket, and left.

His calling card sat heavy in the keyboardist’s wallet.

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doomedandstoned · 5 years ago

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The End Is Nigh: A Conversation With OFFICIUM TRISTE Frontman Pim Blankenstein

~By Shawn Gibson~

I was first introduced to OFFICIUM TRISTE when Mors Viri came out in 2013 and I have been a fan ever since! At the time, I had a radio show and got an email from HammerHeart Records with promo and played some songs off of that album.

The Dutch band's music has also pushed me through tough times, mentally and emotionally. There is sadness in their songs, as there is great beauty. Each song has its own dynamic sound with piano, organs, violins, cellos, etc. Officium Triste's albums are heavy as mountains, but have parts within that soar like eagles!

Recently, I had the privilege of longtime singer Pim Blankenstein, who has been with the band since 1994.

Mors Viri by Officium Triste

Officium Triste has been making music since 1994! How does that feel to be with this band now and the current state of affairs?

It feels as exciting as it was when we started out. Of course, a lot has changed in 25 years, but for us as a band our values are still the same. We love slow, heavy and melodic music and we still write this kind of music. Over the years we of course have grown as a band and you keep learning. After the last couple of line-up changes I totally feel this is the best line-up we've had. We're all on the same page and actually things couldn't be better.

What does the name Officium Triste mean?

If you put it in Google translate, it says it means the baleful. Back when we started out our then guitarist Johan Kwakernaak came up with the name, which he got from a Latin dictionary. The combination of words means something like a "sad gathering," such as a funeral.

You are from the Netherlands right? What are some other bands from the Netherlands you guys love?

Yeah, we are from the Netherlands and when we started out there were quite some doom bands we dug like early The Gathering, Celestial Season, Castle or Beyond Belief. Having said that, the doom scene never was that big but we always had killer bands. Just think of Deinonychus or newer acts like Facade, Treurwilg or Beyond Our Ruins.

In other genres we have (and had) great bands, too. Death metal was especially huge. Pestilence, Pentacle, Asphyx, Sinister, Thanatos, Severe Torture, Bodyfarm, Gorefest. I could go on and on. Bottomline is that the Dutch scene always has been and still is great. We know quite a lot of bands personally and we get along real fine.

We are all Doomed! Are you Stoned?

Nope. Used to smoke a lot. Not anymore though. But that doesn't change the fact we indeed are doomed!

The Death of Gaia (Atmospheric Death/Doom Metal) by OFFICIUM TRISTE (Netherlands)

Your latest album 'The Death Of Gaia' came out December 13 2019. What has influenced the writing of this album?

As far as the music is concerned, our core values are still present, which is writing slow, heavy, melodic and melancholic music. I like to say we are still inspired by the bands that showed us the way in the '90s, like Paradise Lost, Anathema, Katatonia or Type O Negative. Along the way, also a band such as Shape Of Despair inspired a bit but also film scores, shoegaze or dream pop.

Lyrics are about subjects such as the decline of our planet, loneliness, insomnia, guilt, and stuff like that -- basically what is happening around us. So the reality of life inspired us in that department.

Throughout the years of your albums there is always great range and depth of song with varied instruments. Are there any instruments you haven't used yet, but would love to include in a song?

From a personal perspective, I'd like to include some percussive elements. I can totally imagine us using some proper timpani for that ultimate heavy sound.

Who did the artwork for 'The Death Of Gaia'?

When we figured out we wanted something different as artwork on this album and moved away from our earlier art, we got in touch with Chris Smith of Grey Aria Design from the US. We liked what he had done for Solstice from the UK and we really wanted that Art Nouveau-type art. Chris totally delivered what we were after.

Art by Chris Smith/Grey Aria Design

What makes you guys laugh?

We actually laugh a lot. We get along really well and joke around a lot making fun of each other. Other than that we are totally into dark, sarcastic humour. Or stand-up comedians like Steve Hughes of Jim Jefferies. Writers like Bukowski or Brusselmans (a Belgian writer). Ren & Stimpy, Pinky & The Brain, Invader Zim. There's plenty of stuff that makes us laugh.

What has been an awkward moment for Officium Triste?

Probably being too drunk on stage in our early years could be considered as awkward. Other than that, not much. Maybe some awkward moments on behalf of our previous bass player, but I won't get into details on that because it's better to let that rest.

You have a long history of making death doom and are in the same boat as other established bands such as My Dying Bride, Katatonia, Paradise Lost. What is in the future for Officium Triste? Will there be another 25 years?

Well, we take it as it is. Our current label Transcending Obscurity is quite happy with us it seems and has been asking if we want to do another album for them. We are gathering new song ideas as we speak, so you can expect another album in the future. Not sure if we'll last another 25 years, as we will be considered as elderly people by then. As long as we're having fun we keep doing what we like to do.

Who is in the band Officium Triste and what do they do in the band?

Right now it is the founding members Martin Kwakernaak on keyboards. He used to be our drummer, too. Gerard de Jong on lead guitars and I (Pim Blankenstein) on vocals. We have Niels Jordaan on drums, William van Dijk on rhythm guitars and Theo Plaisier on bass.

With the varied sounds in your music do you have several session players to record? Sometimes it sounds like you have a symphony accompanying your music!

Actually, this time around we used some session musicians. We decided to record some real string instruments, as opposed to using the sounds from the keyboard, so we asked Chris Davies to record violins. We knew Chris from Eye Of Solitude where he used to play bass and he played violins with Clouds, in which I am involved, too, in a way. He did a great job. On cello we asked Eliane Anemaat. She is quite known for her work with bands, such as Celestial Season, Mayan or Delain. She also did an outstanding job.

What are some bands from the beginning that have influenced Officium Triste? Who are some current bands that catch your attention?

I more or less mentioned some bands in an earlier answer, but we initially were heavily influenced by Paradise Lost, Anathema, Celestial Season, My Dying Bride, Katatonia, and Type O Negative. But also Metallica, Edge Of Sanity, Dismember or Winter influenced us to some extent. Later on, also bands such as Evoken, Mournful Congregation or Shape Of Despair impressed us. Currently, there's not a lot of bands that caught our attention and actually had an impact on us, but we do like bands that mix things up like what In Solitude, Tribulation, Alcest or Chapel Of Disease are doing, to name just a couple.

Film by Buzau Live Music

Beyond doom and death, what other music styles do you like and listen to?

We listen to quite a lot of varied stuff. Like heavy metal, classic rock, shoegaze, indie rock, new wave, movie scores, retro wave. As long as it is good music we listen to it.

Will you ever tour in the states?

Hopefully. If we ever get a proper invitation and stuff is sorted out, well we definitely would like to come. We are crossing the Atlantic in a couple of months to play a one-off in Mexico.

For me, I have felt positive things from the lyrics and the heavy music amidst the doom. I guess its nice to be able to relate to songs and feel the music with your soul. The balance of heavy and almost symphonic and atmospheric music still blows my mind! Officium Triste is one of very few with clean vocals accompanying death growls I love. Most clean vocals fuck me up.

Cheers for that!

"Burning all Boats and Bridges" is my jam! Fuck it all and starting clean! My life has to take another turn! A fresh start is what I yearn for! Please tell me a little about this song.

Actually, this song is basically the only one where we could use music provided by our previous bass player. But since he fucked things up I have a hard time listening to this particular track. I did write the lyrics, though, and I usually start with a song title. I'm not sure where I got it from, but the lyrics are about having a fresh start and cut all ties with your past. It's not something that happened to any of us personally. But I guess everyone can relate to the subject, so I wrote lyrics about this.

"The End Is Nigh." Do you think this song is relevant to current world events?

That's what inspired it. But to be honest, this world has been a shithole for centuries. So, when I wrote the lyrics I did think about the current state of affairs, as well as stuff from the past. I think everyone can decide for themselves what we talk about, whether it is politics, the environment or overpopulation. It all goes hand in hand, in a way. For the lyrics, I took the Four Horsemen of The Apocalypse as a metaphor. And the second song on the album World In Flames continues with the subject.

Pim, thank you very much for your time! It is a pleasure and an honor!

Thank you, Shawn, for the interview. Much appreciated. Hope your readers will check us out if they haven't done so yet.

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#D&S Interviews #Officium Triste #Rotterdam #The Netherlands #Doom #Metal #Doom Metal #sludge #death doom #blackened doom #Shawn Gibson #Doomed & Stoned

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khadij-al-kubra · 6 years ago

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I’m Still Here (a songfic oneshot)

Pairing: None (maybe Moxiety if you squint)

Characters: (Human AU) Virgil, Logan, Patton, Roman, Dr. Picani, Duncan (Deceit), Jamal, Dariana, Alma (OC)

Warnings: mentions of considered suicide, self hate, abandonment

Summary: A year ago, Vigil couldn’t have imagined himself being alive, let alone accepted as he was and happy. But here we was, and on the anniversary of the day he decided to start truly living, he plans to show it to his little corner of the world.

Author’s Note: Hey friends! I’ve had this idea in mind for a while and really just wanted to get it out there. I’ve always loved the film Treasure Planet and the main song from it, but it wasn’t until recently when I heard the song again that I realized it could tell another kind of story. I tried to do as much justice as possible but I am not myself trans or part of the lgbt community. So if I got anything wrong or could’ve done anything better please let me know. As always feel free to leave a comment in the messages or reply if you have any notes or constructive critiques. I’m always open to writing advice. Enjoy!

AO3

Knowing who you are and coming to terms with it is one thing. Actually getting to be who you truly are without fear and loving yourself is a whole other, much harder thing. As far back as he could remember Virgil had always known two things about himself with absolute intuitive certainty: that he was an anxious mess and that he was a boy. Even without being consciously aware of what gender was specifically, he always felt that way on the inside. It wasn’t until he was five or six and his mom kept forcing him to wear too tight pigtails and poofy dresses that he realized the rest of the world didn’t see him that way; that his outside didn’t match the inside. He hated it and himself.

As he got older he allowed himself small acts of defiance. He insisted on wearing pants when he could and cut his long black hair short. He always insisted on people calling him ‘V’ instead of ‘Victoria.’ His parents weren’t trilled about their child being an introverted sarcastic tomboy that played guitar all day instead of a polite, sweet, studious young lady, but they still loved him. Or rather, they loved Victoria. Virgil learned to hide who he really was, got good at keeping quiet and playing the part as long as it kept his parents happy and himself safe. It was a miserable time in his life. He hated his body, hated his mind, and hated himself; that he longed to have the simple luxury of being his true self, knowing it was impossible. One day, Virgil decided he didn’t want to live this way anymore.

That had been two years ago.

“Yo, Virgil! You still with us man?” Jamal asked, breaking Virgil out of his thoughts.

“Oh, yeah. Sorry ‘bout that dude,” he said to the keyboard player.

“No worries. You just don’t usually get all spaced out like that during rehearsals.”

“Guess I’m trying to channel my inner Ziggy Stardust,” Virgil said, smirking at his band mate.

“That’s not exactly our usual sound,” said their drummer Dariana. She was sitting in Jamal’s lap, lightly scratching the back of her boyfriend’s fro. “But hey, I guess it kind of works for this particular song.”

“Just make sure your head stays in the music,” Duncan droned as he adjusted the strings on his bass. “After all, you’re the one who insisted we do a cover of this song for the talent show instead of one of our own songs. Or begged is more like it.”

“Easy Duncan,” Jamal warned the other musician. “I’d like to get through one rehearsal without you two going at each other.”

“I’m just saying the talent show is this Friday. If our fearless leader is going to make us learn a whole new song in so short a time,” Duncan threw daggers at Virgil with his brown and green eyes, “the least he can do is stay focused during rehearsal.”

Virgil fought the urge to hiss at the Nirvana t-shirt clad teen. The guy was a sarcastic snake in the grass at times, but there was no denying his musical skills. He was an important part of the band, so he tried to keep the peace most days. And to be fair, he wasn’t wrong in this instance. Virgil has been so adamant for them all to learn this song in time for the school talent show. The least he could do was put 110% of his focus into practice.

“Yeah, yeah. I gotcha. No more daydreaming ‘till we’re done.” Virgil promised.

“And hey! We’ve nearly got it finished,” said Dariana as she returned to her drum set. “And it’s only taken, what, three hours?”

Virgil smirked at her subtle call-out to him. He knew she was tired, as was he. Still, his anxiety at possibly being off key or hitting a sour note the night of the show made him push them all to practice even more than usual. This performance was too important to him.

“Alright, let’s pick it back up from the bridge, run through the song two more times and then we’ll call it quits.” said Virgil.

“After we do our ritual for good luck,” Jamal said. “It is the night of the full moon. Gotta get as much of that good energy as we can from Gaia.”

“Of course,” said Virgil. He already had the three spell candles, quarts and incense in his backpack. “Can’t forget that.”

He waited for Dariana to count them in. She clicked her drumsticks together, “One-two-three-four!”

Virgil lost himself in the music as he always did, giving his band mates full attention. After the four Wiccan teens completed the small ceremony they went their separate ways. Well, save for Duncan, since their rehearsal space was in his garage. Yet another reason Virgil tried to keep things civil with him. It wasn’t his fault their personalities clashed harder than a cymbal.

On the long bus ride to the apartment he now called home, Virgil put on his large headphones to block out the rest of the world. It was the easiest ways to relax and not let the anxiety of being in a crowded public vehicle overwhelm him. As the music played and the streets passed him by outside the window, Virgil found himself looking back on where he’d started. He almost couldn’t believe it sometimes. Two years…Two years since the night he wanted to end his life and the same night where a chance encounter had convinced him not to…

…That night Virgil had waited till his parents were fast asleep. Not that he thought they’d miss him (he was never the daughter they wanted him to be) but still, he wanted to spare them the unpleasant sight. Sometime between the witching our and 3am he snuck out the bedroom window and made his long walk to the high wooded hill on the borderline of their small town. He didn’t go there anymore, but at the time that had been Virgil’s safe retreat where he could go to think or cry. He and the occasional summer potheads only ever occupied it. It had been a crisp autumn night and the stars were in their full radiant splendor. He’d at least wanted something beautiful to see in his last moments on Earth.

When he got the top of the hill, the last thing he’d expected to find was someone else already there. It was some guy around his age, and he had been sitting just a few feet away from the cliff’s edge. In all honesty, at the time, Virgil was both surprised and thoroughly pissed. He had been trying to avoid witnesses. Virgil must have stepped on a branch or something, because suddenly the guy was alerted to his presence. When he turned around Virgil froze. Even with only the light of the half moon he recognized the dark hair, piercing blue eyes and glasses. It was a classmate of his from school. Since he was still just a freshman Virgil had never plucked up the courage to talk to him, or anyone else really for that matter. Plus the guy always seemed to be stuck nose deep in his studies. Yet there seemed to be a look of recognition in the others’ face.

“Good evening,” he said, like some figure straight out of a gothic novel.

“Uh…hey,” said Virgil. He pulled up the hood of his purple sweater.

“I hadn’t expected anyone else to be out here tonight, let alone know about this spot,” the guy said, pushing up his glasses. He didn’t seem annoyed however. If anything he sounded curious, yet there was something soothing about his deep voice. “Would you like to join me?”

Virgil watched him pat the spot next to him. It would’ve looked weird if he refused, since he clearly came up there with a purpose. So Virgil opted to sit down for the time being. Besides, given how late it was, the guy was bound to leave at some point.

“You’re in my chemistry class, right?” he asked.

“Uh, yeah,” said Virgil.

“I thought so. Yet I don’t believe we’ve ever properly spoken before. I’m Logan Sanders. And you are?”

Virgil looked down at the held out hand. How could a guy come off as so formal yet open at the same time? Not wanting to be rude, Virgil took his hand, cold from the night air.

“I’m Vic—“ He gulped. Well, if this was gonna be his last night, might as well let himself be honest for once. What’s he have to lose? “…Virgil. Virgil Yang”

Logan didn’t let go or look at him in disgust, but his eyebrows did shoot up. Virgil pulled his hand back, not aware of the softening look on Logan’s face.

“Ah. I see. Well then, pleasure to make your acquaintance, Virgil.”

“Yeah, yeah, I know. I don’t look and sound like a typical guy—“

“Perhaps your biology may not match your gender. However that doesn’t negate how you perceive yourself to be on a soul level. If you say you are a boy, which I assume so given the masculine name, unless you are non-binary, then frankly it’s no right of mine to refute it,” Logan said matter-of-factly.

There were a lot of words there, a few of which had confused Virgil at the time. But the basic gist he gleaned was that he had been honest about who he was, and instead of receiving disgust or hatred, Logan had taken it in stride. No one had ever treated Virgil that way before.

“I’m a guy.” It felt like such a stupid response, but saying it out loud had felt like a boulder being tossed off his chest.

“Well then there it is.” said Logan with a small smile.

Virgil swallowed the lump in his throat. “Y-yeah I guess…Thanks.”

“Of course. So I realize this is none of my business, but out of curiosity might I ask what brings you up here tonight?”

Jeez, he really did speak too old for someone his age. “I should be asking you the same thing.”

Classic deflective technique. Logan scrutinized him but didn’t press. In his eyes, there was almost a silent yet pained understanding.

“Fair enough. I happen to enjoy coming out here from time to time to look at the stars and wait to make my pre-dawn prayers. It’s quite relaxing to do so in nature, especially before the weather becomes too cold.”

“Pre-dawn prayers?” Virgil asked.

“Indeed. My faith requires Muslims like me, although mind you I am only a recent convert, to perform five daily prayers so as to facilitate a constant mindfulness of God in our daily lives,” Logan explained.

“No offense but I wouldn’t have pegged you as the religious type. Not that I’m judging or anything!” Virgil added quickly. “I mean, it’s not something I vibe on myself, but if it’s your thing, that cool I guess. You just seem all scientific and logical and stuff.”

“Valid assumption, but false. On the contrary, it is possible for science and spirituality to go hand in hand, so to speak. After all, science is the study of the structure and behavior of the physical world around us, even to the unseen subatomic level, and adequately submitting to it. And what is faith other than the study of and submission to an unseen divine force greater that oneself?” Virgil caught the gleam of excitement in Logan’s eyes as he spoke. “Additionally, some of the greatest scientific minds emerged from the Islamic world. For example, did you know that one of the greatest astronomers in history was a Muslim?”

Virgil perked up at that part. “Astronomy?”

When he told Logan that astronomy was his all time favorite subject, the guy went into full-on nerd mode. They started talking about their favorite constellations and the stories behind them. Logan talked about his favorite astronomers and Virgil listened with wrapped interest, captivated by the other’s enthusiasm. Somehow this led to Logan telling Virgil about his theories on how God was actually a They/Them/Their and not an all powerful cis-white He or even a She since God was beyond the human concepts of gender, race, or sexuality. It was so out there and beyond anything Virgil had ever been exposed to, yet it was just so damn wild and interesting to listen to Logan ramble on about it. The more they talked the less Virgil thought about the reason why he’d gone up there in the first place.

Even when Logan stopped to pray, using the small rug he’d brought with him, Virgil didn’t move from his spot. He watched Logan pray or looked back up at the stars. They really had been beautiful that night. Not even that, however, compared to the otherworldly beauty of when the sun finally started to rise. It wasn’t like Virgil had never seen a sunrise before, but something about that one was different. Like the volume on the world around him was turned up yet there was a comfortable silence to it all as well. It broke the walls inside of Virgil’s heart and released the toxic black flood that had been swelling up inside of him for years.

When Logan, having been long done with his prayers, saw Virgil cry he didn’t say anything. Didn’t try to cheer him up or pull back in confused discomfort. Instead he placed a still yet gentle hand on Virgil’s shoulder and sat with him until he’d cried himself out. Even after Virgil calmed down Logan didn’t try to get him to open up about why he’d suddenly started sobbing. Instead he only asked if Virgil felt better. He had. Then Logan offered him a ride back to town on the back of his bike. To his surprise, Virgil took up the offer. He no longer felt as tired as he had on the climb up, but he had felt physically exhausted. He longed for his bed and a good breakfast of rice and eggs with some kimchi. Virgil had taken one last look at the cliff before following Logan down the hill. He could always try again if he needed to, he had reasoned. Death wasn’t going anywhere.

It was because of that one chance encounter that he’d lived to see another day, and more to come.

After that night on the cliff Logan started to talk to him more at school. As nervous as he was at first, Virgil slowly allowed the logical nerd into his small world. They sat together at lunch in comfortable silence, or occasionally got into debates that were admittedly pretty fun. They were both freshman so they had a lot of the same classes. They’d hang out in the library after school or do homework at Logan’s house where his mom would invite Virgil to stay for dinner. Sometimes when Virgil was having a panic attack Logan would be able to help calm him down. They never brought up the cliff again, yet Virgil knew without asking that –if he wanted him to–Logan would be there to listen. One day Logan suggested, albeit in his straightforward way, that Virgil join him at the school’s LGBTQ Club meetings after school. That was also the day Virgil learned his Muslim friend was Bi. The club was also where Virgil would meet his other soon to be two best friends, Patton (the pansexual club president) and Roman (the gayer than the Yule Tide vice president).

It was because of Logan that he’d found a community and his first real friends.

The more Virgil went to the LGBTQ Club meetings, the more he got to understand the part of his identity that he’d tried to hide away for so long. Virgil was especially drawn to Patton, who’d been the first to welcome Virgil with open arms. Not only was the guy super frigging cute (not that he’d ever admit it out loud) but also the curly haired freckle faced boy was so incredibly warmhearted! Everything about him radiated comfort and kindness and understanding. Perhaps it was because he’d been born blind, but Patton had a way of seeing people (a pun the guy used way too often) for who they were beneath the surface. He slowly got Virgil to open up more about his parents and himself. Patton was an ever-patient listener. The practicing Buddhist had even started teaching Virgil meditation as a way to help calm his thunderstorm mind, and it did help. Later on Patton convinced Virgil to talk wit his father, who also happened to be the school’s guidance councilor, to see if maybe he could help with some of the things he had been dealing with for so long on his own.

It was because of Patton that he’d found hope.

Roman had taken longer to warm up to, since there were both so similar and different at the same time. However, once they got past the snarky banter and discovered a mutual love of Disney and Sondheim, they’d become great friends. When he officially came out as FtM transgender, Roman had been his biggest supporter. Anytime some idiots gave him a hard time in school or threatened him, Roman was there to defend him and tell the others off. He’d convinced his parents to let Virgil stay at his house the first week after being kicked out. Granted, Roman hadn’t told his Sephardic Jewish parents why his skinny goyim friend from school needed a place to stay (he wasn’t exactly ‘out’ at home yet), but they didn’t press. All they knew was that their son’s friend needed help and lots of big meals. So they welcomed Virgil until he’d found a more permanent place to stay. After that, Roman and Virgil had become brothers. Later on the actor introduced him to other musicians, artists, books and plays that were all LGBT centric in an attempt to help him through his trans journey. (“It’s important to keep up with fellow gay icons, especially when you plan to be the next NPH.”) For the first time Virgil saw himself in other’s, saw that he wasn’t alone. He began to think that, hey, if other people made it through okay –had even made an impact in people’s lives– maybe he could too.

It was because of Roman that he’d found his self worth.

Once the drama king had learned of Virgil’s interests and talent in music, he convinced him to be part of the band for the school’s musical. That was where he’d met Jamal, Dariana and Duncan. After learning they all shared a love of punk rock music and were each practicing wiccans, the four teens decided to form their own band. Of course Virgil had been nervous at first and never failed to get stage fright before performing. Yet whenever he got up behind a microphone, guitar in hand and started to sing, he felt a strange sense of calm. When he performed, Virgil couldn’t be anywhere else but in the now and he loved that. On top of that, because he had not only a good voice but also a fairly low one for someone of his, uh, biology, he passed easier as a boy in the audiences’ eyes. Over time the Children of Hecate found their sound and became local favorites. Sure they’d only played at school dances and local open mic nights, but it was a start. This one guy Remy who owned a coffee shop down town even paid them to perform twice a month to get in a younger crowd.

It was because of their band that he’d found his voice…

…The shuddering jerk of the bus shook Vigil from his memories. Good thing too, or else he would’ve missed his stop. Really gotta work on not zoning out on public transportation. The last thing he wanted was to end up in some part of town that wasn’t familiar. His nerves would never survive.

The apartment was only a block away form the bus stop. He climbed up the stairs (elevators freaked him out too much), got to the door, took out his spare key and went inside kicking off his boots. The smell of garlic pasta and cookies welcomed him, as did the sound of jazzy Studio Ghibli music renditions. The Picani household never ceased to be a warm and inviting safe haven for him.

“I’m home,” Virgil called out.

“Hiya Virgil!” Patton said, popping his head out from the kitchen.

Virgil noticed he was wearing an apron. Must’ve been helping his Ren out in the kitchen again. It always made Virgil nervous thinking about Patton being in the kitchen when he couldn’t properly see the appliances or the stove. Yet Patton insisted, and admittedly has proven, that he’s perfectly capable of cooking so long as someone else is with him.

“Hey Patton. I’m at the door,” said Virgil, letting the other boy follow his voice.

Patton didn’t need his cane when at home, and he maneuvered around the apartment like a pro. He reached out to Virgil and enveloped the young musician in a big hug.

“How was band practice?” asked Patton when they broke apart.

“Went pretty well. The song’s coming along good and Duncan and me only snapped at each other once. New record.”

“Helloooo nurse!” Shouted Dr. Emile Picani as he popped in from down the hall in all his pink haired glory. “Glad to see ya got home safe Virgil.”

“That makes two of us Doc,” he said.

Virgil set his bag and guitar case down before letting himself be caught in a big hug from the school guidance counselor. Even his hugs were as animated as the cartoons he loved.

“Did I hear you two talking about that new song you’re planning for the talent show? I hope it’s the Disney one you were obsessed with a while back?”

It had been sometime last month when Virgil, Patton and Picani had sat down for one of their Disney movie marathons. They’d put on Treasure Planet, which until then Virgil had never seen. Not only did he love the protagonist, story, and animation, but also the song just spoke to him. Even though the lyrics weren’t about the struggles he’d gone through necessarily, they still spoke to Virgil on a personal level. He’d listened to it on repeat for weeks. That’s how he got the idea to sing it with his band for the talent show after he found out the date.

“Yep. The very same.”

“Exellent,” said Picani in a semi-good Stewie Griffin voice. “Such a great song from a highly underrated movie. I mean seriously, it’s about pirates in SPACE! HOW is that not more popular?!”

“Oh dear,” said a bright voice from the kitchen. “When my partner starts going on a Disney rant is when I come to the rescue.”

Patton’s Ren came out of the kitchen, wiping their hands with a dishrag. Virgil squinted to see the pronouns necklace they wore. Today was a ‘she’ day. As much as she teased the grown man about his cartoon obsessions she really was no better. The long blue winter skirt, black legging and white cashmere sweater she wore made her look practically like Belle incarnate. Save for the cropped curly blonde hair that Patton shared.

“Hello Vigil, welcome back,” she said, pulling him gently into a hug.

“Hey Alma,” said Virgil, returning the embrace. The Picanis were the only people that Virgil let hug him. “Dinner smells great.”

“Thank you! Should be ready soon. If you could help me set the table after you wash up I’d really appreciate it.”

“No problem,” he said. Helping out was the absolute least Virgil could do.

“Oh I can’t wait to hear your band play this Friday!” Alma said. “I’ve got the perfect suit to wear for your special night and everything. Even found myself a nice galaxy tie to go along with your space song’s theme.”

“I’m sure you’ll look killer Alma.”

“Don’t forget, Roman’s gonna be in it too,” said Patton. “We’ve gotta show him our love and support also.”

“Well now that goes without saying sweetheart.”

Suddenly Patton started sniffing the air. “Uhh Renny, did the timer go off? ‘Cause I smell smoke.”

“My cookies!” She rushed back to the kitchen. Virgil, Patton and Picani barely held back their giggles.

Virgil really owed the Picanis more than he’d ever be able to repay. When Patton finally convinced Virgil to start seeing his dad for counseling about his anxiety issues, it opened up a new door for him. The hilarious, fun loving, yet surprisingly wise Dr. Emile Picani had given Virgil tools to help manage his mental health issues. Not only that but over time he gave him even more. His office became a safe haven when he had panic attacks or just needed quiet. Picani got Virgil to open up more about his sexuality and body dysmorphia after revealing he was non-binairy (although he tended to favor he/they pronouns). Pretty soon Virgil saw the man as a second father figure. After Patton had told his dad about how Virgil’s parents kicked him out and he was temporarily staying with Roman, Picani immediately told Virgil to pack his things and that he was more than welcome to stay with them. No room for arguments. His partner had been equally as welcoming to Virgil after hearing his story. She even went out and bought Virgil his first binder for his birthday. The Picanis went the extra mile to researched ways for him to get testosterone shots after he revealed he wanted to start transitioning. They gave him a roof, food, comfort, and a place of belonging.

It was because of them that he’d found his freedom.

They spent dinner with the usual boisterous chatter and laughter, Virgil chipping in with his own quieter comments every now and then. Afterwards he and Patton cleaned up and worked on homework together. Then they watched cartoons with Picani before Alma told them to get to bed. All three of them. They whined but did as they were told.

Virgil lay on his futon and stared up at the ceiling thinking. In just a few days it will have been a year since Virgil came out. A year since he started transitioning; now he was more than halfway through the treatments. A year that he found himself happier than he ever would’ve dreampt possible. He fell asleep repeating one thought in his mind like a prayer...I’m Still Here…

* * * * *

The next day at school went by as usual. Virgil and Patton got a ride there with Picani, Virgil tried to stay awake during his first two periods, and Logan nudged him awake during third and fourth period classes. To all of their delight Logan, Roman, Patton and him shared the same lunch period this year, so the four juniors sat at their usual table. Logan and Roman got into some debate or other, Virgil sat back to enjoy the show, and Patton threw in a couple of puns while also reminding Virgil to actually eat his lunch. Then they split up and Virgil went to spend his free period with Picani in the councilors office. Afterwards he spent the last two classes with Roman. All in all, it was a pretty solid day. That is, until the last bell rang.

“Oh come on! Okay, I’ll admit you have a point about the dark undertones of Sleeping Beauty and Peter Pan and Snow White, but it can’t be possible for ALL of the Disney films to have sinister hidden messages.” Roman said, slamming his locker next to Virgil’s for emphasis.

“Come on Pricy, have you ever read the original fairy tales those movies are based off of?” Virgil asked as they walked down the hall. “It’s some seriously dark shit!”

“I’m telling Patton you said a bad word,” Roman said in a teasing sing-song tone, dramatically draping his red letterman jacked over one shoulder.

“Don’t you dare rat on me to Patton.” Virgil gave his best black eye-lined glare.

“Aww what’s the matter chemically imbalanced romance, afraid of getting on his bad side?” Roman teasingly ruffled Virgils purple dyed hair, knowing he hated it.

“If he even has one,” Virgil muttered, smiling softly at the thought of his sweet and wholesome friend.

“You know Virgil, one of these days you’re really going to have to tell Patton that you like—“

Roman shut up suddenly. Virgil was grateful for it, because Patton and Logan were both coming their way from the opposite hall. Logan’s black and blue flannel clad arms were loaded with three our four books and Patton was tapping his walking cane along the hall.

“Uh-oh! Guess you’d better start calling me Beetlejuice, ‘cause I swear I heard my name three times,” Patton beamed. “Hi Roman! Hi Virgil!”

“Salutations again you two,” said Logan.

“Hey guys.”

“’Sup?”

“Did we interrupt your conversation?” asked Logan.

“Nah, just the usual banter,” said Roman.

The four of them walked out the school together, talking about nothing and everything at the same time. The leaves had already turned a multitude of red and orange colors. There was a slight chill in the wind that felt sharp in Virgil’s lungs every time he breathed. He was grateful for his usual attire of skinny jeans and his favorite hoodie.

“Jeepers, I’m gonna make myself a nice hot chocolate when I get home,” said Patton to Virgil. “My knees are freezing!”

“I told you it was too cold for a skirt today Pat,” said Virgil.

As usual Patton was clad in one of his soft slightly oversized sweaters. However, instead of his usual jeans, that morning he’d opted for one of the knee length skirts he occasionally wore. Ordinarily Virgil enjoyed seeing Patton in a skirt every now and then (even if it did make his gay brain short circuit), but this time around it was definitely not weather appropriate and he was worried about Patton catching a cold.

“Well it was pretty warm this morning, and I really felt like wearing something cute and comfy that I could twirl in,” said Patton. “I didn’t think it’d get so cold.”

“On the contrary Patton, it shouldn’t be all that surprising given that it is currently 53 degrees out and mid-October,” said Logan, adjusting his glasses.

“Sheesh Logan, you can’t ever let me skirt around a subject, can you?” They all laughed save for Logan, who groaned at all of Patton’s puns.

“I keep telling you, listen to the weather reports the night before,” Roman said.

“I guess, but why bother when it’s easier to just stick my head out the window every morning?” asked Patton.

“Because that’s how you end up with cold knee caps,” said Virgil.

They all laughed good-naturedly at that. Patton tried to pout but he could never keep from smiling very long and laughed along with them. Virgil soaked up every second of it, never letting himself forget just how close he’d come to missing out on moments like these. He smiled at his best friends.

“You’ve been in a rather good mood today Virgil,” said Logan.

“Yes, I noticed that too,” said Roman. “Far less brooding than usual.”

“Guess I’m just looking forward to this Friday,” he shrugged.

“Ah yes, the talent show! I myself shall be performing in it as well,” said Roman. “I plan to do a dramatic reenactment of Lewis Caroll’s brilliant poem The Jabberwocky. It shall be epic!”

“I’m sure it will,” Logan said, rolling his eyes. Virgil snickered.

“And of course I’ll be back in the audience in time to see you and the other Children of Hecate perfume Virgil.“

“As will I.”

“Yep! I can’t wait. Dad and Renny are gonna be coming too don’t forget. So save us some seats.”

“Will do Pat.”

“Speaking of performances, I’d better get home so I’ll have time to practice before my mom and nana rope me into helping her cook again,” said Roman.

“Hey tell Nana Reina I said ‘hi’. Oh, and that I miss her cooking,” said Virgil.

“Will do. Farewell friends,” said Roman, heading towards the buses.

“Speaking of parental units, I’d better be going,” said Logan. “My father should be here to pick me up soon. He’s promised to take me to the planetarium after school before he leaves for his business trip. Farewell.”

“Bye Lo!”

“Later.”

Virgil was happy to see his nerdy friend so excited, but the mention of quality bonding time with a parent made him cringe. When was the last time he’d ever had quality time with his own parents, even before that painful night.

He only came out to him because the LGBT Club and sessions with Picani had filled him with foolish courage and hope. After all, they were his parents and loved him. They’d never been unkind or strict unless it came to school. He didn’t expect they would understand, but maybe they would still accept him. How wrong he had been.

Not only had his parents looked at him like a stranger, like a thing, but his dad told Virgil he’d have five minutes to pack his things and leave. That Virgil was no child of his. Virgil could still remember tasting his own salty tears and the stone-cold tight-lipped glare on his father’s face. His mother hadn’t said anything against Virgil; she hadn’t said anything. But she didn’t defend Virgil or stand up to his dad either. Only looked at him with confusion and disappointment. That was enough. Did they even ever miss him? Of course not. They hate you, otherwise they would’ve invited you back home a long time ago. Virgil sighed, knowing that the thoughts in his head were probably right this time.

“You okay Virge?” asked Patton, his brow creased with worry.

“Yeah Pat. Stellar. Come on, let me walk you to the car. Your dad’s probably waiting for you there,” said Virgil, gently holding the other’s elbow.

“Aww that’s sweet of you Virgil, but don’t you have to get to band practice?”

“I’ve got a few minutes to spare.”

They walked to the parking lot together in comfortable silence. That is, until Patton spoke up again.

“Alright kiddo, what’s really eating at you? And I know something is. I hear you sighing,” said Patton.

Virgil sighed. “I can’t hide anything from you, can I?”

“I might not be able to tell when your lying the way Toph can with her feet, but I’m not as blind to you as you think.“

Virgil rolled his eyes. “Ugh. You’ve been hanging around your dad too much.”

Patton giggled, but then grew somber. “Seriously though Virgil, what’s wrong? Is it about your parents?”

Virgil stopped in shock, nearly tripping up Patton. He turned to his friend, looking into his light milky blue eyes. “H-how did you—“

“I heard you sigh the first time after Roman and Logan started talking about their families. And I know Friday is the anniversary of the day you came out to them. Wasn’t hard to piece together after that.” Patton gently reached for Virgil’s hand and gave a squeeze. “Are you still thinking about inviting them?”

Virgil let out a groan/sigh combo. He immediately regretted telling Patton about that. It had been the briefest of thoughts. It was weird and painful because, as much as he never wanted to see his parents again, Virgil also missed them. They were his family after all. And he thought, maybe if they came they would change their minds. Or at the very least he could spite them. But two weeks had gone by since telling Patton about that and Virgil still hadn’t emailed either of them an invite.

“I don’t know Patton. Maybe it’s a bad idea. It was stupid of me to want…”

“I understand Virgil. I know that they hurt you, and I’ll be honest…I hate them for that.” That caught Virgil by surprise. “But even so, I know you still miss them. I hear you crying for them in your sleep sometimes down the hall. So maybe…maybe at least extending the olive branch would do you some good. Give you some peace of mind again.”

“Maybe you’re right. But I just…don’t know if I can forgive them. They don’t deserve it.”

He turned and saw Patton giving him a pained look of sorrow. He was guiltily glad that his best friend couldn’t see him cringing beneath that look.

“Maybe not,” Patton said after a moment. “But you do.”

A staccato car horn oddly in the melody of the Spongebob theme song sounded from a distance. They both turned to the source. No surprise, Virgil saw it coming from a volxwagon. Picani waved to them from the window.

Patton sighed loudly. “That’s my dad. We’ll see you at home later. Well, they’ll see you at home. I’ll hear you. You gonna be okay?”

“Yeah, i’ll be fine. See you Pat,” said Virgil.

Patton gave him one last hug before heading off. His dad met him halfway and guided him to the car, helping him fold up the cane and buckle up. Virgil watched them drive away. Then he pulled on his headphones and blared the Treasure Planet theme song before going to meet Jamal, Dariana and Duncan at the bus stop. He needed to escape into some music.

Rehearsals went really well. Virgil was actually feeling pretty confident, and they still had two more nights left to rehears. On the bus ride back home however his mind circled back to what Patton had said. Forgive them for yourself… Maybe it was the healthier way to go but honestly, Virgil didn’t want that. He wanted to stay angry and bitter because that kept the sadness at bay. Or at least covered it up. It hurt to still feel that way and, frankly, he didn’t know if he was strong enough to forgive his parents even if he wanted to. Let alone send them an invite. It was easier just to stay bitter and angry. Virgil spent the rest of the bus ride doing his meditative breathing exercises. The last thing he needed was a panic attack in public.

When Virgil got back to the apartment after practice he was met with the usual welcoming arms. He didn’t join Patton and Picani in the tv room for cartoons, insisting he had a headache. Alma seemed like they’d wanted to talk to Virgil, but ultimately gave the teen his space. Virgil went to the rooftop with his backpack, hoping to distract himself with schoolwork. No luck there. He tossed the notebooks aside (he could get the notes he needed from Logan the next morning) and instead opted to give reading a chance to take his mind off things. He pulled out the worn out copy of Angles in America that Roman had let him borrow. He was nearly through Peretroika and it was getting good. But when he got to a line by the drag queen Belize he paused. Virgil sat up straight and re-read the lines about nine times. Then on the tenth, he read them aloud:

“’He was a terrible person. He died a hard death. So maybe…A queen can forgive her vanquished foe. It isn’t easy. It…It doesn’t count if its easy…It’s the hardest thing.” Virgil swallowed the lump in his throat before reading on. “Forgiveness. Which is maybe where love and justice finally meet. Peace, at least…”

He just sat there staring at the words on those yellowing pages, all to aware of his own breathing. Virgil may not have believed in some singular all-powerful God like Logan did, but he sure as hell believed in signs. After several long moments Virgil’s jaw set firm. He grabbed his things, went back downstairs to the Picani’s family computer, and typed out the hardest email of his life.

* * * * *

Friday rolled around and with it came the night of the high school’s talent show. Big surprise, Virgil was really anxious. Even the band’s pre-show ritual and meditation with lavender incense hadn’t helped to steady his nerves. They were dressed in their usual all black attire for performances but Virgil had kept his purple hoodie wrapped around the waist. He was fidgeting with the sleeves so much his fingers were starting to hurt.

“Virgil, relax! That pacing is making me dizzy,” said Dariana as she fiddled with the small crystals braided into her afro.

“Sorry, sorry, I’m just—“

“Nervous,” said Jamal as he checked that their equipment was ready to go. They were the last act but the musician liked to be prepared. “We know. You always get like this before a gig, and we always kick ass anyway.”

“Yeah, and it’s not like we haven’t been rehearsing for weeks,” said Duncan. Yet even he cast the emo guitarist a sympathetic glance. “We’re bound to at least not suck.”

Virgil took a deep breath. “Thanks Duncan.”

“Whatever.”

It wasn’t just the usual pre-show nerves this time though. Virgil had done the unthinkable. He actually invited his parents to the show tonight. He honestly hadn’t expected them to show up (that had been his one consoling thought) but low and behold, he saw them in the audience from backstage. At least, he was pretty certain it was them. There weren’t exactly a lot of Korean parents in the audience, so who else could it have been? His mom had been shifting nervously in her seat, and beside her was his dad. Arms crossed and stone faced, yet there seemed to be hints of annoyance that shone through the chips in his armor. Yeah, not exactly thrilled about this either dad, Virgil thought bitterly. Still…they’d come.

As had the Picanis and Logan. They were all sitting together in the audience. Logan was reading through the cheaply printed playbill, Patton has his head slightly bowed so he could better listen to the different performances, and both the Doc and Alma had their eyes glued to the students on stage. It was as though they were proud parents of every one of those kids even if they weren’t their own. He could only imagine how they’d be when it was his turn. It warmed Virgil’s heart and made him smile for the first time all day.

Virgil was just finishing tuning his guitar when he heard applause from behind the curtain. Guess they really liked Roman’s enactment of that poem after all. To be fair, the guy was a gold star performer. Virgil had caught glimpses of it from backstage and it honestly was a pretty cool show.

“Children of Hecate, your on deck,” said a kid with a clipboard and wearing a Steven Universe t-shirt.

Roman burst through the curtain and came straight to Virgil. “Virgil! Did you see that? I had the crowed eating out of the palm of my hands.”

“Great job Roman. Seriously,” he said.

Roman’s smile faltered when he saw how nervous the rock musician looked. He placed a firm yet warm hand on Virgil’s shoulder.

“Hey, don’t sweat it Virge. You’re going to do great! I know it.”

Virgil smirked and clapped him on the back. “Thanks man.”

“I’m going to head into the audience. Hopefully Logan saved he a seat. Break a leg!”

He watched Roman go and then went back to his breathing exercises. The next act went by but was cut short when the kid tripped on his own juggling balls. At least whatever we do won’t be worse then that. Finally, they were up.

“Alright guys, gals, and non-binary pals,” said the kid from backstage.

Virgil saw his dad cringing at that line. Screw you too.

“Here is your final act of the night. Give it up for Virgil, Duncan, Dariana, and Jamal; a.k.a. the Children of Hecate!!!”

The younger audience members who’d seen them perform before gave the loudest cheer (Roman was loudest of all). The other adults and strangers gave a polite applause. Virgil’s parents hadn’t even bothered with more than two or three stiff claps. Virgil stepped up to the mic and took a shaky breath. He did a test strum letting the strings vibrations ground him. You got this Virge. Remember why you’re here. Do it for you. He took one last breath before signaling Dariana to count them in.

Then, they played. The drums were like a steady grounding heartbeat, the rhythm of the base like a pulsing metronome in his mind, and the keyboards flowing melodies like the blood in his veins. His own guitar strings felt like thick blades of grass against his calloused fingertips, their music gently rooting him in the moment. When they played through the intro Virgil got close to the microphone and sang.

“I am a question to the world

Not an answer to be heard

Or a moment

that’s held in your arms.

And what

do you think you’d ever say?

I won’t listen anyway.

You don’t know me

and I’ll never be what you want

me to be.”

Virgil’s anxiety faded away into the music. He felt the vibrations coming off the state through his boots. Could hear his fellow band mates getting caught up in the swing of the performance, just as they always did. The muse of music was certainly with them all tonight.

“And what

do you think you’d understand?

I’m a girl, no, I’m a man!”

Virgil thumped his chest in emphasis on this line. It took a lot for him to make that small change to the lyric, but he was glad he’d decided to after all.

For the next part of the verse, Virgil looks directly at his parents. He pours all the hurt and betrayal built up over the past two years into the next lines.

“You can’t take me

and throw me away.” His dad’s face remains stony as ever, but Virgil catches his mom’s wince.

“And how

can you learn what’s never shown?

Yeah, you stand here on your own.

They don’t know me

‘Cause I’m not here.”

Virgil couldn’t bear to look at their faces anymore. So, he turned back to the audience as a whole, losing himself in the music.

“And I want a moment to be real.

Wanna touch things I don’t feel.

Wanna hold on

and feel I belong.

And how

can the world want me to change?

There the ones that stay the same.

They don’t know me

‘cause I’m not here.”

He turned towards where Roman, Logan, Patton Dr. Picani and his partner were sitting in the audience. Virgil knew the blind boy couldn’t see him, but he hoped that his friends could still feel him through the music. Moreover, he hoped Picani would understand how grateful Virgil was to him for everything the man had done for him.

“And you

see the things they never see.

All you wanted, I could be.

now you know me

and I’m not afraid.” Not anymore.

“And I

want to tell you who I am

Can you help me be a man?

They can’t break me

as long as I know who I am!”

Virgil did know who he was. That’s what got him this far, and even though it was hard, he hadn’t let the world break him. It came close, but thanks to the new friends in his life Virgil emerged stronger than the world. It’s like Picani was always telling him: Self-love is the greatest form of defiance.

“And I want a moment to be real.

Wanna touch things I don’t feel.

Wanna hold on

and feel I belong.

And how

can the world want me to change?

There the ones that stay the same.

They can’t see me

but I’m still here.”

Everyone could see him now for all that he truly was. And sure, there were still bigoted haters and idiots. Yeah, he was still pretty terrified a good 25-60% of the time. Even so, he wasn’t alone anymore.

Virgil gave the signal for Jamal and Duncan to get ready for the key change coming up after the bridge. That had been Dariana’s suggestion, since Virgil actually had the vocal range to pull it off, even with the testosterone shots shifting his voice. He took a breath to steady his nerves before picking the song back up again.

“They can’t tell me who to be…” Duncan played a short bass solo.

‘Cause I’m not what they see…” Dariana killed her drum solo.

Yeah, the world is still sleepin’ while I keep on dreaming for me…” Jamal rocked his short sharp chord progression.

“And there words are just whispers

and lies that I’ll never belieeeeve!”

Virgil couldn’t fight the smile that climbed up his face now. Not only had they nailed that key change, but also nearly the whole auditorium was cheering now. For a moment Virgil felt like he was standing on the edge of eternity, but instead of falling he was flying. He was happy. So impossibly happy! Virgil felt the tears slipping down his cheeks but managed to hold it together for the finish.

“And I

want a moment to be real.

Wanna touch things I don’t feel.

Wanna hold on

and feel I belong.

And how

can they say I never changed?

There the ones that stay the same.

I’m the one now

‘Cause I’m still here.” Virgil played a few quick yet slick guitar licks.

“I’m the one

‘cause I’m still here.

I’m still here!

I’m still heeeerrre….”

The song ended. He was in tears and no doubt his eye shadow was kind of a mess (although it probably added to the goth punk aesthetic). His heart soared even higher when the whole audience stood up in a wild applause and cheers. He spotted his friends and Picani being the most exuberant cheerers of all. Even Logan had abandoned his usual composure out of pride for his friend. The only ones who weren’t cheering so much were his parents. In fact, they weren’t even in their seats anymore. Virgil looked to the back of the auditorium and saw them talking to each other at the door. Virgil looked away. Yeah, it stung. But honestly, he didn’t care. He was happy. So unbelievably happy because he had done this even though it was hard.

“Well, guess we know who won the show,” said Duncan over the applause.

Virgil rolled his eyes but nodded in agreement, even smiling at the guy. They all took a final bow before the Steven Universe kid (oh right! That was Thomas from drama club) closed out the show. Virgil clambered off the stage and was immediately caught in a patented Patton hug.

“Virgil that was AMAZING!!!” Patton said with a squeal.

“We’re super proud of you buddy,” said Picani, joining in on the hug.

“You are kicked butt up there, sweetie,” said Alma as they added onto the hug.

“Thanks guy…but uh…need to breathe!”

“Oh, sorry!” They all said letting go.

“Seriously though Virgil, you sounded amazing,” Patton said as he squeezed Virgil’s hand, “I could practically hear how happy you were up there.”

“Patton,” Virgil held the boys hand in his own, grateful that Patton couldn’t see him blushing. “That may just be the nicest thing anyone’s ever said to me.”

Patton gifted him with the warmed of smiles. Virgil practically melted.

“Honestly Virge, I’m not even mad that your band won the show instead of me,” said Roman. “You all gave an Oscar worthy performance. Grammy? Either way, you kicked ass.”

“Language,” said both Patton and Alma.

“Indeed. While I don’t quite understand theatrics that was undeniably a fantastic performance,” said Logan. He clasped Virgil on the shoulder and gave a rare soft smile. “Tremendous job Virgil. You’ve really come so far.”

Virgil smiled back. “Thanks Logan. All of you, I—“

Someone cleared her throat and stepped into there little circle of light and love. Virgil stiffened, holding tight to Patton’s warm hands to ground himself.

“Mom?” he said, voice trembling.

“Hello Vic—Virgil,” she said. “I’m Mrs. Yang. Are you all Virgil’s friends?”

“Indeed ma’am,” said Logan, his eyes cold.

Roman took a protective step in front of Virgil. Patton, having now picked up on the sudden shift in the air, seemed to get the gist and did the same. He practically held his walking stick like a spear.

“Hey, hey, hey. Hakuna matata boys. I’ve got this,” said Picani.

He stepped in front of the teenagers and put on polite yet icy smile. Meanwhile Alma stood behind Virgil, their hands resting protectively on his shoulders. Picani extended a stiff hand towards Mrs. Yang.

“Do you how do? My name is Dr. Picani. I’m the school’s guidance councilor and, for the past year or so, your son’s guardian.”

To Vigil’s surprise, standing before the other adult, his mom looked…small. Not height wise but like on the inside. To her credit she politely, albeit awkwardly, shook his hand.

“I’m glad to know that my child’s been looked after,” she said.

“Well someone had to,” Alma said. Virgil had never heard so much venom coming out of their mouth before.

“May I speak with Virgil alone?” she asked. “Please?”

After a pause and a loud breath, Picani said, “Of course.”

“Dad!” Patton said.

“Come on fellas, lets give these two some privacy,” said Picani, corralling the reluctant teens away from their friend. “Virgil, we’ll be right over by the bake sale table if you need us.”

Virgil nodded to him, still a bit in shock. “Thanks Doc.”

Alma kissed the top of his head before going over to join their partner. Now that they were alone together Virgil felt the bitterness starting to creep back into his heart again. Despite this, he couldn’t help noticing just how nervous his mom looked. She was even fidgeting with her fingers in the same way he did. When did that start happening?

“You were wonderful up there,” she said finally. “I’ve never seen you so happy.”

Virgil scowled. “Yeah well, you haven’t exactly seen me in a while.”

She winced at his words. He hated how it made him feel both guilty and glad at the same time.

“I thought you were leaving with dad,” said Virgil.

At the mention of him, she stiffened her spine. There’s the mom he remembered.

“I told him he was free to leave on his own. I also told him that he should leave with his things and that he’s not welcome to come back home. Not until he was ready to live under the same roof as you.”

That took Virgil by surprise. “W-wh-what?”

“I want you to come back home Virgil,” she said, a sad smile on her face. “Everything’s already made up the way it was before. I mean, I-I added a few more, um, male intended furniture and re-painted the room so that it wasn’t so, uhh, pink. You still like purple, right? I didn’t expect you to say yes right away. I’ve been planning it for a while but I never—I-I didn’t know—but after seeing that email you sent I hoped…I even cleaned your room up today just in case…”

Virgil was speechless. Someone might as well have dropped kicked him in the gut, he would’ve been less surprised. He swallowed the cotton ball in his throat and managed one shaky word.

“Why?”

“I-I told you, I want you to come—“

“Why now!” Virgil seethed. It cam out sounding more sad than angry. “Why now?”

He hated just how desperate he sounded. Then again, his mom looked just as desperate, if not more. Hell, she looked about ready to cry. That quelled some of the embers in his temper.

“Because I’d rather have a happy son than a suicidal daughter! I miss you Virgil. Ever since that day the house—my life—has felt so empty without you in it. I admit, when you told me about…you…I was confused. I didn’t understand it, and quite honestly I still don’t. But you’re my child and I love you more than anything. I’m willing to bend and try to understand. I made a mistake and I’ll be spending the rest of my life trying to make it up to you. Virgil, baby, p-please come home? C-can you ever f-forgive me?”

For the first time ever, Virgil saw his mother start to cry. He tried to ignore the stinging in his own eyes, just barely keeping a straight face. He took a deep breath, looked her in the eyes, and nodded his head yes.

Relief painted his mother’s face, as did a fresh wave of tears. She stepped hesitantly forward, arms open, and he filled the space between them. Virgil hadn’t realized how much he missed being held by his own mother. That did it.

“I’m still mad at you,” Virgil cried, “but I love you mom.”

“I love you too Virgil,” she wept. “My son.”

They held each other for the longest time. Over her shoulder Virgil looked at where Picani was watching concerned. He gave the councilor a thumbs up and the grown man visible sagged with relief. He nodded and smiled proudly at Virgil before talking to the others. Virgil would fill his friends in later. For now, he just wanted to be in the moment.

It wasn’t going to be easy starting over with his mother. Then again, when had anything in his life ever been easy? Even so, no matter what the world threw at him, Virgil had proven himself stronger.

He was alive, he was happy, and he was still here.

Tag list:

@justisaisfine @the-pastel-peach @altruistic-skittles @queer-human-being @phlying-squirrel @thekeytohappiness-is-you @canadian-crofters @patchworkofstars @ab-artist @ravenclawangst @pink-and-purple-flowers @forrestwyrm @beautifully-terribly @lizaelsparrow @fangirltothefullest @romanamongthestars @ierindoodles @logically-asexual @icecoldparadise @bluebloodstains @purpleshipper @hissesssss @axyzel @jynxlovesluck @thatsanswitch @6tick6tock6 @hanramz-the-fander @azlinne @helplesscreator @thestoryofme13 @bibbidi-bobbity-booyah @accidental-sanders @smokeyrutilequartz @madly-handsome @puns-and-patton @notveryglittery @eequalsmcscared @safesandersides @lizziepopanime @anxiously-unsatisfied-world @moonstone-fox

#sanders sides fanfic #virgil sanders #patton sanders #logan sanders #roman sanders #deceit sanders #emile picani #thomas sanders #tw suicide attempt #tw self hate #famders #fanders #I'm Still Here #my songfic #KDsWriting

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boonesfarmsangria · 3 years ago

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Before the pandemic, Foals delivered their most ambitious project yet. A sprawling two-album epic released within the space of a few months, it saw them embracing their status as one of the UK’s biggest bands like never before. As we approach the other side, they’re back – one member down and with a new full-length with completely different ambitions. Yannis, Jack and Jimmy are ready to party. Are you?

Words: Martyn Young. Photos: Sarah Louise Bennett, Ed Cooke. DORK March 1, 2022

“We’re as vital as ever. It’s the most exciting record that we’ve made.”

As Foals prepare to release their seventh album, frontman and creative visionary Yannis Philippakis is as confident as ever. He has good reason to feel so cocksure, though, as the Foals that emerge into the (hopefully) post-pandemic world are a rather different beast to the band that ended their last touring cycle with an expansive multi-layered epic of a double album. This time, everything is different as they channel the spirit of their incendiary early days into a new vibrant future. Welcome to the rebirth of Foals.

The most obvious change in this new era is the band are now a trio following the departure of keyboard player Edwin Congreave, not long after they lost bass player Walter Gervers. In truth, it wasn’t particularly a shock for either member to leave, but in the case of Edwin, the writing was on the wall from the very start of the new album process. “He showed up for one rehearsal and was like, no, see you later!” laughs guitarist and now brand new keyboardist Jimmy Smith. “You could see on his face that he was just sat there thinking, I’ve made a terrible decision,” he adds. “We were happy that Edwin and Walter made the right decision. We feel a little more buoyant. We’re leaner and meaner.”

The streamlined three-piece Foals were ready to shake things up and mess with the formula that made them one of the biggest bands in Britain since they emerged in 2008. To do that, they knew that they would each have to step up and tap into everything that makes the band so special. The result is ‘Life Is Yours’. A euphoric life-affirming record that captures the desire of a culture and society desperate for something to celebrate and a little bit of carefree abandon after two years of miserable gloom. “The absolute last thing we wanted to do was write a languished miserable lockdown album,” laughs drummer Jack Bevan. So here we are in 2022, and it’s time to party.

“I’m excited about it, particularly in the context of what’s happened in the last two years,” begins Yannis as he talks about the album. “Being able to release a record that’s fun and uplifting and joyous after the dank and dark couple of years is really exciting. It’s the most fun record we’ve released in terms of its mood and danceability. I think it’s going to go off. It’s the right record for the summer.”

The vibe and the impetus to keep things upbeat and energised are at the album’s heart. Notably, there are none of the massive riff-laden behemoths that powered their previous albums in a sign that this is a reconfigured version of the band. “I specifically said I didn’t want to write any heavy rock songs, not ever again but not right now,” explains Yannis. “We’d been in that place for a minute, and it was time to shift things up. There was very little distortion or fuzz to get away from that heavy expansive aspect of our sound that we’d previously been exploring. I got the other part of our DNA and re-emphasised that for a bit. What’s kept the band exciting for us and hopefully other people over the years is that we’ve played with that stuff, and we’ve not just stuck to one lane of sound. It was time to do that again.”

The DNA that he’s referencing is the intensely rhythmic and dance-focused side of the band that has always been part of their sonic arsenal. Perhaps their biggest ever hit, ‘My Number’ was a dancefloor-slaying monster. The tracks collected on ‘Life Is Yours’ are very much in that image; they represent the spirit of the band going right back to the start. “After the last records, because there was such a broad spectrum of stuff going on there both sonically and thematically, we wanted to just pair everything right down and make something concise and focused and direct,” says Yannis. “We wanted it to be cohesive and have one mood across the record. That’s what [debut album] ‘Antidotes’ had. In a way, it’s the long lost brother or sister of that record. It’s also got that directness and dryness. The rhythmic emphasis is most apparent in those two records. They are driven by the groove and the rhythm section.”

It wasn’t necessarily explicitly spoken about, but there was a feeling throughout making the album that the band were tapping into the guiding principles that informed the bedrock of their spirit as they looked to navigate the future without two key members. “We’re relearning the dynamic as a three-piece,” explains Jack. “It felt a bit like going back to the drawing board with this record. We were thinking about what we started off with and what were our original influences but now approaching it with more experience. It was a similar mindset to making ‘Antidotes’ but with an extra 13 years of experience.”

The ecstatic exuberance of ‘Life Is Yours’ provoked other memories of that early golden period as, forced into a tiny room with just the three of them, the band whipped up a rhythmic storm as if their lives depended on it. “That spirit is hewn into our DNA,” says Jimmy. “That party vibe is how we started.”

“The way we wrote the record in this tiny room felt like when we were playing those house parties in 2006,” adds Jack. “We were tapping into that energy. We were also quite militant in that when we were writing Yannis wasn’t using any effects on the guitar. I stripped my kit right back to a minimal set-up. It was quite a tight, dry sound. It felt like we got to a place where we rehearsed enough that it was really tight, so we didn’t want to slather effects all over it and make it woozy. It’s got the leanness of the first record.”

For Yannis, the themes of the record are escapism and yearning. A desire to transcend a mundane existence, to harness the feeling of youthful optimism when anything is possible. In songs like the next level turbo banger of ‘2001’, he captures that vibe in a sugar-rush explosion. “That song is set when we were younger,” he explains, his eyes twinkling as he reminisces about youthful hijinks. “It’s set in that moment when you’ve really made a good group of mates, and you’ve turned into a social creature. Right at the end of high school into early uni, and you’re starting to feel yourself and party and get into mischief.

“That era for me was in Brighton when I was younger. That was the early stages of the band when I was 19/20. It’s set down at the coast. It’s by the sea, and it’s to do with seaside innocence and going to the sea when you’re young turning into going to party down at the sea.

“The chorus has that feeling of being young and waiting for the summer and waiting for the weather to get better because you can get out and enjoy yourself. It’s about the moment you get that first sunshine, but that lyric also came from being stuck at home due to Covid and wanting that symbolically to be blown away so we could go out and be wild again.”

While they definitely didn’t want to make an album about the pandemic, what they did want to do was to take the feelings of wanting to escape, to inspire what life might be like once we come out of the pandemic. “We’d been locked away for months, so the lack of being able to go out and experience life and gigs and all the things we’d grown accustomed to made us want to get that out of the music,” says Jack. “It was cathartic to make music that was playing at an imaginary party that we weren’t allowed to go to because of the pandemic.”

For such an intense and devoted character as Yannis, the desire to get out there and do something – anything – was even more palpable. There’s only so much gardening you can do. However, if you do want a tip on how to keep your roses nice all through the winter, then according to Yannis, “It’s all about the pruning.” Anyway, enough about that and more about how Yannis and co. are bursting with ideas on how to bring their party music to life.

“It felt feverish, and there’s an itchiness to it,” he says. “There’s an itching to get back out into the world and be part of parties and nightlife. I think we all felt that. The way that society just closed down over the past 18 months was so deeply frustrating and so unnatural, to not have social gatherings and creative expressions.

“As we were writing the music, there was something that was acting as a grip to make us feel more frustrated and give more urgency to it because we just wanted to get back out there and play shows and have the music be part of people’s social life.”

It’s impossible to overstate just how important physical connection is to Foals’ music. On the previous double album ‘Everything Not Saved Will Be Lost’, they dealt with wide themes like climate change and societal ills. This time the focus is on communal experiences and personal salvation. “I definitely think about songwriting in terms of how people will listen to it socially or somebody getting ready to go out to a party, and once you get to the party, someone puts on your tune, and it acts like magic,” he continues. “Music is social magic. That was the vibe. It was frustrating and aggravating, so we just wanted to cut through that and speed the process up. The record is eager for the reemergence of the world.”

The reemergence of the world coincides with the birth of a new Foals. Yannis concedes that despite the trio of him, Jack and Jimmy being the creative linchpins of the band long before they lost members, it definitely feels different this time. Not worse, perhaps even better, but definitely different.

“It doesn’t feel like the same band,” he ponders. “There are some aspects of that that we’re going to have to get used to and will be a bit disorientating. It feels like a different era. It feels like Foals mk.2. Because of what’s been going on with the pandemic, everything was stopped. You had this dormant phase creatively where you kind of just hibernated and waited for things. This feels like a reemergence. It feels like we’ve been in a cocoon working away on things, and we’re going to emerge as a shiny new creature. It feels fresh.”

If there’s one word that defines this brand new era for Foals, it’s fresh. “That’s one of the words that kept on coming up when we were writing,” confirms Jack. “The feel of the record needs to be fresh. We were constantly striving for that feeling of freshness.”

After 16 years as a band, though, just how do they keep things feeling fresh and motivated? For Yannis, hunger is central to his very being. “It’s part of my personality and part of all our personalities in the band,” he says confidently. “I don’t think it’s to do with age or success or anything like that, but more to do with not being satisfied with anything internally. I wish it would go away sometimes, to be honest. It’s exhausting to always be trying to do something better. Often it can come from a place of slight dissatisfaction with what you’ve done. Thinking that a record or something should have been better. There’s an element of self-criticism that fuels that which is good and important creatively. I don’t think there’s much danger of that going anytime soon. I’d say that I’m hardwired like that, and there are big aspects of Jimmy and Jack that are wired like that. As a combination of people, we’ve gotten used to being quite self-critical and also getting bored easily. Talking about the riffs and changing it up, I think that comes from a kind of creative restlessness.”

In a creative sense, for a band so in tune with their sound as Foals, changing things up in a musical sense with different guitar tones, synth sounds, and drum set-ups is the easy bit. What’s difficult is finding the words and themes to accompany all that sonic invention and convey their intentions. “Most musicians probably find lyric writing the hardest bit,” says Yannis. “You have to get the message right. It’s one thing to write a guitar riff or a drum beat, but if the lyrical message and the delivery and how it connects with the vocal isn’t right, then that’s the bit that’s the most challenging.

“On ‘Everything Not Saved Will Be Lost’, I was in a doomy frame of mind. My mentality isn’t actually that different, but in writing that last album, I really wanted to put those anxieties and insecurities and feelings into the music as something that would engage people, but there was also some element of catharsis. I couldn’t do that again on this one. I didn’t want to revel in the bleakness. It became about doing the opposite, which was trying to make this record as escapist as possible. It’s optimistic – life is yours, we’re still alive, and there’s something beautiful in that, and we need to cherish that.”

In many ways, it’s remarkable that a band as unique and diverse as Foals have endured at the top of their game for so long. Capable of commanding the biggest live stages with iconic festival sets as well as crushing the smallest of sweaty stages with white-hot controlled chaos, they can do it all and have proved it time and time again. The ethos they forged back in the mid-noughties is still ever-present and drives everything they do. “I’d like to think that it will always be there, but it’s something we have to be mindful of, and we have to protect,” says Yannis.

“It would be easy for us to just go full arena. We’ve toured with some bigger bands, and you can tell that they’ve gotten lost in the comfortability of big rock stages and big rooms and are slightly engorged on their success and probably are removed from the people they were when they started the band.

“It’s good to grow, and it’s good to mature, but for me now, that aspect of the band and the DIY punk start that the band had is something to protect because it keeps us grounded. It’s something that we’re proud of. I’m proud of how we started our band, and it influences the mentality to this day about decisions that we make and trying to make sure what we do is organic and intuitive and not based on the wrong self of values.”

One of the challenges of making music these days is operating within the peak social age. While the opportunities are there, it can be a distraction from the whites-of-their-eyes close physical connection that the band revel in. For Foals, they are looking to successfully navigate both lanes. “I’ve started getting into TikTok now, and I’m enjoying it. It’s about finding your language on there,” says Yannis. He draws parallels between the social tools of today and the very early days of primitive online culture when the band formed in 2006. “Without MySpace, we wouldn’t be here,” he says. “We used it to book those parties. We used it to connect with other bands and promoters, get shows and put music out. It was amazing for that. There’s an absolute direct correlation between that and TikTok.

“I think the difference now is that music, and most of culture, has gone so much to online platforms it exists predominantly in that world. I miss that scene. We haven’t looked after venues and record stores in the UK. Nightlife and the ability of people to go out and play shows or congregate at a record store or have a physical hub hasn’t been looked after. So it’s going to migrate online. There’s loads of great things about online communities, but I just think it would be good if we kept our venues open and ensured they have the ease and accessibility that we had in our day.”

As success gets harder to measure and ever more transient, the importance of forging your legacy becomes key. “Something I’ve observed with lots of bands who have put out records during the pandemic is that without shows and record stores and tangible culture of putting out a record, there is something missing,” says Yannis. “Lots of people put out great music, but it sort of went out into this digital void. Live with it for a few weeks, and then it’s gone. That’s the thing to be cautious of with the way that we consume music and art through some of these platforms.”

“It takes months to write a great song, or for an album, it will take a year,” he continues. “If you’re doing that and it’s consumed and discarded within a matter of weeks, there’s a fundamental problem there. It’s a lot to do with algorithms and the rapidity with which we consume culture. There are loads of good sides to it, but also music doesn’t really get a chance to have its time in the sun.”

There are many ways in which ‘Life Is Yours’ directly contrasts the previous double album, but one significant way is that they are no longer self-producing. There were a couple of reasons why the band looked to go in a different direction. In simple terms, they didn’t want to do more work with fewer people after losing Edwin, but they also thought it would be a good time to bring in some new voices. “We wanted to construct a dream team of people around us,” explains Jack about the quartet of ‘drum ninja and prime hype man’ Miles James, ‘mad scientist’ Dan Carey, ‘supernova visionary’ AK Paul and producer John Hill, who was “The parmesan that brought everything together in the salad.” All four producers added sonic flourishes and tricks to the record, slotting perfectly into a cohesive whole. Also, it’s good to have some other people arguing instead of just the people in the band. “It was great. There would be an argument in the studio between four people, and none of them were in the band, so I’d just be like, I’m going off to have a cup of tea. You guys make that decision; it seems like you’ve got it covered!” laughs Jimmy.

If there’s one thing that Foals are looking forward to, it’s getting back out on stage. It’s what this album was made for and where they made their reputation. When it comes to incendiary live shows, Foals are untouchable. Yannis even sounds excited and wistful as he talks about the exhaustion and days of bedridden illness that normally follow a Foals tour. “We put everything into the live shows,” he says. “They’re draining, but that’s why it’s great. I wouldn’t want to have it any other way. I wouldn’t want to tepidly walk up to a stage and just play the songs. It’s fine if you’re playing a different type of music, but for a Foals show, it’s got to be maximum intensity. We need to deliver.”

Freed from the pressure of expectation and liberated by having the luxury of freedom and space, Foals have delivered on an album that encapsulates everything brilliant about the band. Distinctive, full of hooks and with bangers to spare, it’s Foals at their most organic and most creative ready to belatedly kick start the decade and take things to another level.

#FOALS #actual reading #sns #yannis philippakis #jack bevan #Life Is Yours #jimmy smith

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quickeningheart · 6 years ago

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Nine

Alley muttered to herself and punched the button on the elevator, waiting for the lift to carry her up to another floor. This was the fifth ride she’d taken so far in search of the elusive Main Office, and her nerves were about shot. And it was totallyStoker’s fault. He’d had her so turned around that she’d taken off without remembering to grab the GPS out of Priscilla’s glove-box, thus leaving her to find her way to the Chicago Institute of Art and Design without so much as a road map to guide her.

After two hours of battling downtown mid-afternoon traffic, getting turned around twice (once going the wrong way up a one-way street), stopping at three different convenience stores to ask for directions, she’d finally made it to the main campus located three miles outside of the actual city. Only to be faced with another conundrum: the campus really was huge. The four buildings on the campus were huge. And only one of them contained the offices where she was supposed to fill out the final papers to turn in for the start of her school year.

On a whim, she’d picked the biggest building that was located the furthest from the gated entrance, which had thankfully been the right choice (according to the random student she’d asked in passing). But now that she was in the place she was supposed to be, she found herself confused and lost all over again. The large floor layout maps hanging on the walls by the elevators and escalators were proving less than useful. Big red dots with the words “You are here” graced every one, but the maps themselves were all wrong, and didn’t seem to match the actual floor plans at all. So no matter where Alley supposedly was, she couldn’t help feeling like she was supposed to be somewhere else altogether!

The elevator dinged, the door slid open, and she stomped out of the lift and turned right … only to run headlong into a wall of books and poster tubes, hard enough to knock herself flat on her ass. There was a startled yelp from behind the book-wall as it promptly came tumbling down, scattering tomes and tubes all around her. And the tall, skinny man who’d been holding them blinked owlishly at her from the wire-framed glasses that had been knocked askew on his nose.

“I am so sorry!” Alley cried, scrambling to her knees to help pick up the scattered books. Her entire body was flaming with mortification. “I wasn’t looking and I knocked into you and I am just so sorry,” she babbled.

“No worries,” the man grunted, getting to his feet. “I wasn’t exactly looking where I was going, either. What with the books blocking my view and all.” He offered a crooked grin, soft gray eyes smiling down at her through an unkempt mop of sandy brown curls. “You okay?” He offered a hand to help her up, which she gratefully accepted. “No broken bones or anything?”

“Nah, I’m fine. How about you?” she replied. “I hit you pretty hard.”

“Oh, don’t worry about him. He’s used to being knocked on his ass by girls.”

The man heaved a long-suffering sigh, rolling his eyes as a woman dressed all in purple and black joined them. She smirked at him and kicked a poster tube out of her way with a well-worn engineer boot. “This your new method for picking up women? Play the injured puppy and get them cooing and drooling all over you in sympathy?” she teased.

“Don’t you have some kittens to eat or something?’

“I upgraded my diet to pig hearts this week. More protein.”

Alley watched the two of them banter, fascinated. They were as different as two people could be. If she had to put a title, he was classic preppy nerd while the girl was clearly the punk-goth type. In normal society, these two would hardly take time to look at each other, much less interact like … well, a lot like her and Charley did, actually.

“Are you two related by chance?” she blurted, and felt herself blushing all over again when the pair stopped talking and turned to face her. Goth Chic had gray eyes, too, she noted, heavily made up with dark shadow and liner. And she suspected that under the cherry-red hair dye, the girl’s natural hair color was also brown.

“You’re good,” Goth Chic commented. “Most people don’t figure it out on the first try. You must have an annoying brother, too.”

“I’m an only child, actually. But my cousin and I get along pretty much the same way,” Alley explained. “So, you’re siblings?”

“Yeah, we’re twins. Can’t you tell?” Goth Chic’s voice was so bland, Alley couldn’t tell if she was joking or not.

Preppy rolled his eyes and smacked his sister across the head. “What the birth defect means to say is her name is Constance Archer. And I’m Christopher.”

“Call me Chex,” the girl put in. “If you call me Constance or Connie, I'll be forced to kill you. You can call him the Mutant Hobbit.” Another smack over the head from said Hobbit. “Okay, fine, call him Chris.”

Alley laughed. “Alley Davidson,” she said. “Freshly relocated from Florida. And you’re from?”

“Oh, we’re born-and-bred Illinoisans,” Christopher replied with a grin. “Chi-town residents for the past ten years. A little town called Penbrooke before that.”

“They call it a town, but it’s more like a speck of dirt on a map. You know, the kind you try and scratch off with your fingernail.” Chex demonstrated by scratching the air with a black-painted nail. "Oh, speaking of maps, I probably should tell you, the maps on the walls? They’ve been switched around.”

Alley’s brow furrowed. “Switched?”

“Yeah.” Chris nodded at the map behind them. “That one says Atrium floor, but the Atrium is actually in another building. This is the Hospic floor. Who knows where that map ended up.”

Alley’s jaw dropped. “No wonder I can't figure out where I am!” she huffed. “What morons went and switched the maps?”

“Just some prank from the senior students,” Chex said with a shrug. “The frat houses tend to pull crazy shit like this to confuse the hell out of the newbies. Congrats. You can consider yourself officially initiated. Welcome to college. Just like high school, but with a lot more drinking.”

~*~*~*~*~

After picking up the rest of the books, the twins guided Alley to the correct office located on the first floor in the back of the building. They seemed to know their way around the place pretty well, and when Christopher told her why, she was astonished. “Your father is the dean?” she repeated.

“Yeah, but don’t hold it against us,” Chex deadpanned. “We can’t help who we were born to.”

“So you know this place pretty well, huh?”

“We’ve been running around these buildings since we were kids. I always wanted to attend school here,” Chris told her. “My sister is here because her other option was Military boot camp, but the food is better here.”

“Ah.” Alley grinned. “That would be those pig hearts you mentioned?”

“And let us not forget the kittens,” Chex added. “So, what’re you majoring in?”

“Well, because my parents absolutely insisted on me picking something I can make a real career out of, my major is graphic design. But since I’m not sure if that’s what I actually want to do, I’m minoring in creative writing and music composition, and looking into a few possible art courses for next semester.”

“Sweet. Another writer type. I dig it.” Chex offered a high-five, but hastily reconsidered when she nearly dropped her armload of books. “What’s your preference? Novels? Poetry? Essays?”

“Well, I don’t really know,” Alley admitted. “I’ve mostly kept journals and stuff, and I’ve written some song lyrics here and there, a few poems. But since I’ve never actually let anyone read any of it, I don’t know if they’re any good or not.”

“You write music?” Chris asked.

“Sort of. I didn’t take a lot of music classes in high school, but I do know my basics. I took piano lessons for eight years. I’m in the beginning course for music composition. I think it’d be fun to try writing my own songs.”

“Do you sing, too?” he asked hopefully.

“What’s with the twenty questions?” Chex nudged her brother. “Trying to recruit her for your little band?”

Alley raised her eyebrows. “You’re in a band?”

She must’ve sounded skeptical, because he drew himself up, looking a little wounded. “It’s nothing spectacular, just a garage band I put together back in high school, but we get decent gigs on weekends and stuff,” he replied. “It’s a lot of fun. Hang out, play good music. Get paid for it, even. Since we graduated, though, some of the members have left. The drummer headed to Oxford and our female lead singer is attending Juilliard. We’ve still got our bass and guitar players, and I sing and play the keyboard.”

“That’s cool,” Alley said.

“We’ll probably hold auditions for another keyboard player and singer once classes start. See if we can get some interest. It’d be great to keep the band going, if we can.”

Chex cupped a hand to her mouth and added in a stage-whisper, “That’s a hint for you to show up and sing.”

Chris mimicked the move. “She’s just mad ‘cause we won’t let her join. She can’t hold a note to save her life.”

“Butthead.”

“Birth defect.”

“Awww, you guys love each other so much,” Alley teased. “Almost makes me wish I had a brother, too.”

“Don’t. You’re better off,” Chex said blandly.

Alley laughed. “So what’re you majoring in, Chex? You like writing, too?”

“Connie has wanted to be a professional writer since she was old enough to pick up a pencil,” Chris said with a roll of his eyes. “Don’t get her started on the subject or you’ll never get her to shut up again.”

“Don’t mind him.” Chex pulled a face at her brother. “ His ultimate goal in life is to be our dad’s personal Mini-Me. He fully plans to take over the position of dean when Pops retires.”

“That’s not set in stone,” Chris muttered, blushing a little. “But it’s sort of a position that’s been passed down in the family since the school was founded. As the oldest son—”

“As the only son,” she cut in with a snort.

Chris shot her a brief glare before turning his attention back to Alley. “Our family founded this school,” he explained. "We don’t own it, per se, but it’s always been the Archer sons who have taken the position of dean.”

“It’s got something to do with the founding father’s will or some sort of legal shit like that,” Chex put in, waving a dismissive hand. “Even though there’s a board of directors and all sorts of officials these days, they can’t kick an Archer son out of the position, unless he willingly steps down.”

“So, when Dad retires, I’ll be taking over as the dean,” Chris finished.

“Wow. That’s kind of nice, knowing you’ve got a career path all planned out for you.” Alley pursed her lips, considering. “Unless … you don’t want to be the dean? Then I guess it’d be kind of a pain in the ass.”

“No, I’m willing to step into the position, but it’ll be after Dad retires, and since he’s only in his forties, that won’t be happening for awhile.”

“So, what do you plan to do with yourself in the meantime?”

“I’m majoring in musical composition, the advanced classes. I’d like a career in music. Maybe become a pianist, or even a teacher. It’d be kind of fun to teach classes here, actually.”

Chex snorted. “In case you haven’t figured it out yet, my brother really loves this school.”

“Oh, like you’re one to talk.”

Alley grinned as she listened to the twins’ bickering, which only ended when they finally reached their destination. “The offices are right through here," Chris announced, pushing open a set of swinging doors to reveal a posh waiting room.

“The dean’s office technically closes at five,” Chex said, “but being his kids gives us certain advantages.” She flashed a cheeky smile at the secretary and sauntered down the short hallway as if she owned the place, stopping before a closed door. “Hey, Pops, you in?” she called.

“C'mon in,” came a deep voice from the other side. Chex pushed the door ope and stepped into a large, richly furnished office with Chris and Alley bringing up the rear. “Got those books and posters you wanted,” she grunted, dumping her armload onto the mahogany desk. The dark-haired man on the other side glanced up from his ledger, gray eyes crinkling with a smile.

“Thanks, kids.” His eyes fell on Alley. “I’m sorry, young lady, the office is closed now.”

“Um,” Alley began, but Chris hastily stepped in. “She’s with us,” he explained. “She got lost trying to get here because someone went and switched all the floor maps on the walls.”

“Again?” Mr. Archer rubbed the bridge of his nose. “Didn’t we just go through that last year?”

“Better up the security, Pops.” Chex took her brother's armload of books and unceremoniously dumped them into an empty armchair. “Tricky bastards, those seniors.”

“Language, Constance,” the dean sighed.

“Sorry, Sir.” She didn't sound sorry at all.

“Alley has some more papers she needed to sign. Think she could do that real quick? After all the trouble she had getting here and all…” Chris prodded.

“Sure, sure. Have Mary pull the file. Alley, was it? You can sit at the table out there and finish what you need. I just ask that you be done by six thirty. That’s when Mary has to leave.”

“Oh, that’ll be plenty of time. Thank you, Sir,” Alley replied gratefully, placing the poster tubes she was holding on the chair beside the books. She stood awkwardly, wondering if she should bow or curtsy or something, and settled for a polite nod as she turned to follow Chex back to the waiting area.

~*~*~*~*~

Half an hour later, Alley was on the final paper, filling in her new address. She jotted Charley’s house phone down as a temporary number until she could buy a cell phone. She considered who to put as the emergency contact. Her parents were on the other side of the States, so they were out. Charley was the only person she knew in this city, aside from the mice, but she could hardly use their names. She wasn’t sure if they even used phones. Probably best to leave it blank for the moment. She could always fill it later.

She glanced at the twins, who had for whatever reason decided to stick around; Chris had made himself comfortable in an armchair, absorbed in a well-worn copy of what looked like a science fiction novel.

Chex lounged on a loveseat with her long black-and-purple-striped legs resting against the back of the couch and her bright red hair brushing the ground. She didn’t seem to care that her short, black-lace tutu skirt had ridden up her waist and now rested in a frothy pile on her stomach. Or that her upside-down face was slowly turning the same shade as her hair as her booted feet danced in the air, keeping time to whatever song was playing on her iPod. She completely ignored the disapproving glances both Mary and her brother kept tossing at her; if anything, they only seemed to encourage her as she drummed the air with her purple-gloved hands, body squirming as she danced on her back. Alley found herself grinning, wondering if she could convince Chex to come shopping with her for a new phone that week. She had a feeling that, despite their very different appearances, the two of them would get along swimmingly.

A disturbance from the front of the waiting area caught her attention, and she looked toward the front desk, where three men had entered the doors and were casually strolling toward them, ignoring Mary’s frantic attempts to stop them.

“Aw, shit,” Chex swore softly. “The Purple People Eater’s back.” She quickly flipped herself around and patted down her skirt, snatched a photography magazine off a nearby rack and hastily flipped it open. She didn’t seem to notice it was upside-down. “Keep your head down,” she hissed to Alley. “Don’t look at ‘em, don’t draw attention to yourself, and whatever you do, hold your breath. ”

“Hold my—bwoaaarph,” Alley gagged as a most awful stench suddenly hit her like a brick to the face. She choked, one hand coming up to pinch her nose shut as she ducked her head, staring through tearing eyes at the forms in front of her. The three men passed them, and she dared to glance up for a better look, then did a triple-take. Purple People Eater was right! He was the largest man she’d ever seen. And he was dressed in the most glaringly purple pinstriped suit her eyeballs had ever had the misfortune to encounter. His greasy black hair was slicked back in some semblance of a coif and he carried a cane in one white-gloved hand. All he needed was a Tommy Gun and he’d be the epitome of the classic 1940s mob boss.

He noticed her staring, gave her a cold smile that sent a chill shivering up her spine, and sauntered down the short hallway to Mr. Archer’s office. The two henchmen following him, looking more like typical thugs on a street corner than anything, didn’t even glance her way. She watched them go, wondering why in the world she felt like she’d seen him before.

As soon as the office door opened and shut, Alley released her breath and gasped for air for a moment. “Holy hell,” she hissed. “Did somebody drop that guy into the Bog of Eternal Stench?”

Chex burst out laughing and reached over to slug her brother in the arm. “See? I told you I wasn’t the only person in the world who watches Labyrinth!”

“Well, we all must have some flaws,” Chris sniffed, shutting his book.

“Says the guy reading The Man Who Fell to Earth for the umpteenth time.”

“It’s a classic book!”

“And Labyrinth is a classic movie!"

“Guys!” Alley snapped her fingers to get their attention. “Focus. Who was that?”

“Trouble,” Chris grumbled. “He’s been coming around lately. Dad says he’s been trying to convince him to sell him the school or something. He wants the land around it.”

“Yeah, he seems to have it in his head that Pops owns the place and has the legal authority to sell out, or can convince the board members to sell out, or something. I dunno, the guy’s a nutball.” Chex circled her temple with a finger.

“Well … hasn’t anyone called the cops on him or something?”

“Won’t do any good.” Chris ran his fingers through his tousled curls, mussing them even further. “His thugs are there for show, but he hasn’t actually gotten violent or anything so they can’t toss his fat ass out. Dad wouldn’t, anyway. He prefers to keep the peace and try and talk things out.”

“Yeah, he’s stupid like that,” Chex muttered, earning a glare from her twin.

“Besides, we think he sort of owns the police. He lines their pockets and all.” Chris rubbed his fingers together.

“He’s got some weird-ass cheese name,” Chex added. “Like, it really fits him, though.” She glanced at her brother. “What was it? Muenster? Pepperjack?”

“Limburger,” Alley said quietly, as it abruptly hit her where she’d seen him before. In Throttle’s memories. “That’s Lawrence Limburger.”

“Yeah! That’s it!” Chex laughed. “Smelly cheese for a really smelly guy!”

“How often does he stop by?” Alley asked.

“I dunno. He started coming around about two months ago. Once or twice a week, I guess. No big deal, really.”

“No, listen, this is a big deal.” Alley shook her head. “That guy, he’s dangerous. He’s—” She stopped, struggling to think up a way to explain how dangerous. She doubted the truth would get her anywhere but locked up in a nuthouse. “He’s mafia,” she finally blurted. “He’s a boss in the mafia, and he’s buying up property all over the state to strip-mine it. He seems focused primarily on Chicago, though. My cousin, Charley? She’s been harassed by Limburger for years, trying to buy out her garage, or take it by force. She’s managed to resist, but only ‘cause she’s got some good friends helping her out. If it wasn’t for them, she’d be out of business by now. Possibly worse. He has gotten violent with her in the past. If something isn’t done to stop him, he’ll start using force to get what he wants here, too. Trust me on this, okay? I believe my cousin.”

The twins stared at her, wide-eyed. Even Mary had stopped what she was doing to listen.

“But, when he first showed up, Pops called the cops on him, and they didn’t do anything,” Chex finally said. “I mean, they said they couldn’t do anything.”

“Never mind that he was legally trespassing, showing up after-hours without an appointment and even making veiled threats,” Chris added. “That’s why we figured he’s got the police in his pocket. They could’ve done something otherwise.”

Alley chewed on her lower lip. “I gotta get back,” she decided. “I’ve been gone too long, anyhow. Charley needs her truck back, and I want to talk to the guys about this. Her friends, I mean. They can probably help, and the cops never even need to know.” She gathered the paperwork and slid it back into the folder, taking it to Mary.

“You two should get yourselves home,” the secretary told the twins. “Don’t worry, I’ll stay and make sure Mr. Archer gets out safely. I’ll call security in to escort him if I have to.” She took the file from Alley and nodded. “Welcome to the Institute, Miss Davidson. I hope you’ll enjoy yourself here.”

Alley flashed her a weak smile. “Well, can’t say it won’t be interesting, at least.”

#bmfm fanfiction #Biker Mice from Mars #OCs #humor #romance #adventure

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kimonobeat · 6 years ago

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aiko bon “Profile Interview” Chapter 4 (3/3)

ーWhat kind of fashion did you wear outside of school?

aiko: In elementary school I was always dressed like a boy. I almost always wore jeans. I started gradually wearing girlier clothes since middle school though. I started wearing a lot of culottes and denim skirts. I used to love the clothes at BETTY’S BLUE. Then in 9th grade, I started wearing Hysteric Glamour. There was this T-shirt I used to wear that had Mickey and Minnie doing something dirty on it. (laughs) That and skinny black pants, skate shoes, and a polka dotted zip-up hoodie. I wore more ‘lolita’-ish clothes in my later high school years. Oh, and in middle school I used to go to Armani fashion shows.

ーWait, you watched Armani fashion shows in middle school? What kind of middle schooler does that? (laughs)

aiko: My older cousin took me with her because she worked in the fashion industry. Sometimes I would copy her and wear perfume. I’d put on Dior, or Chanel, or Poison, and people would tell me, “Ew, you STINK!” (laughs) My favorite fashion style in high school was mod clothing. I also loved psychedelic, hippie-looking clothing, so I used to wear dresses from thrift stores. The fashion I liked around that time had a lot to do with my favorite bands. Like, I loved THE COLLECTORS, so I wore mod clothing, y’know? I also kept my hair in a mushroom cut. Here I was wearing gigantic glasses and vintage dresses… Definitely a cringe-worthy look now. Like, just YIKES. (laughs) Now when I look back on it I just think to myself, “Well, at least I got to do the things I wanted to do. Oh well!” But not too long ago I wanted to eliminate all traces of those outfits.

ーDid you always have long hair up until you decided to chop it off for the mushroom cut?

aiko: Yeah, it was always long except for when I did the mushroom cut. My hair was sooo pretty in high school that anytime people couldn’t remember my name, they’d just call me “the girl with the pretty hair”. It was straight and black, with no split ends to be seen. You can thank my dad’s seaweed dishes for that. I had such healthy hair even though I didn’t take good care of it.

ーYou didn’t really need to do treatments or anything like that?

aiko: Nope! I went to the beauty salon about once a month though. I went to the same hair stylist my aunt went to. They cut my hair and let me pay later. I’d always tell them, “Just the ends, please.” (laughs) I didn’t do anything to take care of it but got my hair cut often.

ーHow was the coursework at your high school?

aiko: Hahaha! I… didn’t study.

ーWhat about when you had exams?

aiko: I did for those… (quietly) But that was the only time I did.

ーAnd your grades?

aiko: Eh, well, they weren’t great. Just average… No wait, a little worse than that probably. (laughs) I had a lot of points taken off. Like, less than 40%. That all depended on which subject, though.

ーSo what classes did you have GOOD grades in?

aiko: Music. I was #1 in our music class. I remembered a pretty good amount of music history, so I got 100 in that class. That and the skills tests we did put me at #1. The other person in my class tied with me for #1 was this guy named Yamamoto Poppo (Coo). We gave him the nickname “Poppo” because he was a lot like a pigeon. I was really good friends with Poppo.

ーaiko and Poppo.

aiko: Yeah, yeah. When it came to music, we had a lot in common. When everyone else was listening to bands like BOØWY, LUNA SEA, TRACY, KATZE, PRINCESS PRINCESS or JUDY AND MARY, we were like, “Hey, you heard Kaji’s new stuff yet?” We also traded each other CDs in secret, and listened to stuff like Harada Tomoyo’s albums, Spiritual Vibes, and Summer Vacation together. I also listened to indies music, something I’d been doing since I was in middle school. I didn’t have any money back then, so I just borrowed CDs from TSUTAYA to listen to. Indies artists didn’t make their music available as rentals though, which meant that I had to buy indie releases to listen to them. And of course, I listened to the radio all the time, same as always. I wasn’t in any after school clubs. I was in a band though.

ーHow many bands were you in during high school, all in all?

aiko: Just one. Oh wait, I was in another band too. The band I formed in 10th grade was entirely made up of girls. A girl named Tomo played the drums, and her older sister played the bass. Another really serious girl named Shimamoto played the guitar. She was the kind of girl who played guitar because she loved, like, B’z and Aerosmith, y’know what I mean? That band only lasted for about 3 or 4 months. We’d say, “Let’s practice!”, fumbled around for a while, then we sorta just fizzled out without even coming up with a name for our band. The real reason that band fell apart was that the bassist lost the scores of the Shonen Knife songs she had. She went through the effort of asking Shonen Knife herself but still lost them. That was too bad.

ーThe members of Shonen Knife sent you guys the band score to some of their songs themselves?

aiko: Shonen Knife wrote their contact information in their indies CDs. There was a “Contact” section that listed their personal address and phone number. (laughs) I don’t remember much, but we wrote them a letter or called them about it. “We wanna cover Shonen Knife’s songs. Would you mind giving us the sheet music?” we asked. They were gracious enough to send it to us, along with a message that said “Good luck!” I was so touched. “Wow, what nice people,” I thought to myself. And then we practiced it. Now that I think about it, the sheet music was pretty simple. They only thing they had written on it were the chords. Just, “Here’s where you strum.”

ーAnd that all-girls’ band fizzled out after only 3 or 4 months.

aiko: I started my first real band in 11th grade. We had 5 members: a guitarist, bass player, drummer, keyboard player, and me. We were all in the same grade. The keyboard and bass players were girls, and the drummer and guitarist were guys.

ーYou were the vocalist, I’m guessing?

aiko: Yup, just the vocalist, no instrument. We said, “Let’s be a band!” and that was that.

ーDid this band have a name?

aiko: Um… (laughs) Let me think. We were “The Pinsaka Knife Orchestra”. The name was based on the names of all our favorite bands. A three-piece indie girl band called The Pinkies, another band called Hanasaka who was passing out cassette tapes they hadn’t even released yet, and Shonen Knife. We covered those 3 bands a lot, so we decided to use them all in the name of our band. Then we tacked on the word ‘orchestra’ at the end, because we wanted to add a bunch more people. (laughs) Not that we needed anyone to play any other instruments; we just wanted them as members of the band. Y’know, members of the band who help us out by making copies of tickets, that sort of thing. The whole shebang sorta felt like Sharam Q. (laughs)

ーBut if you weren’t covering those bands, doesn’t that make the name kind of… wrong? (laughs)

aiko: I thought the same thing.

ーSo were you pretty similar to those 3 bands, at least?

aiko: We were completely different from them. I don’t really feel like those bands had anything to do with each other either. Shonen Knife’s a rock band, right? One of those ‘hit it and quit it’ punk rock kind of bands, y’know? Hanasaka was your average pop group, although they used similar instruments to BO GUMBOS. You see, the drummer played the bongos instead of drums. Visually they had this BO GUMBOS psychedelic vibe going on, but musically they were a pop band. The Pinkies were, what would you call them… Honestly, I only know one of their songs. I used to listen to this song of theirs that was on an indies omnibus release. It was the kind of song you’d do the monkey too, I guess? It went something like, “My cute lil’ baby~ Cha cha cha! My boyfriend’s over there, lookin’ so fine~ Cha cha cha!” (laughs) Well, our band just wanted to have some fun. We covered a lot of pop bands.

ーDid you write any original songs for this band?

aiko: Nah, none at all. No one wrote any songs so we only did covers. We covered Japanese bands like The Pinkies (which I just mentioned), Hanasaka, Shonen Knife, and THE COLLECTORS. People mistook the indies songs we covered for original songs, though, so when we performed at our school festival, we did a bunch of songs everyone already sort of knew. We knew we’d definitely draw a crowd if we performed Mr. Children or JUDY AND MARY. We performed some of Mr. Children’s songs from around the time they released the songs “Kind of Love” and “versus”. There I was, singing, “One of~ these days~ We’ll be together~” I asked the keyboard player to pitch the song up to C for me. The song’s about being in love with a girl who’s older than you. I was actually dating a guy who was younger than me at the time, and he came to see us play. Everyone swooned. (laughs) We also did JUDY AND MARY’s song “LOLITA A-GO-GO”. I wore lolita-ish clothes for it. (laughs)

ーHow long were you in The Pinsaka Knife Orchestra?

aiko: Up until just before I graduated, I think. We practiced in a studio, performed live at school festivals… It was a blast. It’s just, we were all headed down different paths. We stopped after about 2 years.

ーBy the way, when did you decide to apply to a music college?

aiko: Sometime around June of my senior year. (laughs) I didn’t really care where I went to college. I would’ve been fine with a vocational school too. I just sort of thought it would be nice to be part of a music college. When I told my dad, he said, “I ain’t lettin’ you go nowhere unless it’s a music college.” So I was like, “Really!? Guess I’ll go to a music college then!” and asked my teachers for advice just before summer in 12th grade. They said, “Really!? Well, if you don’t turn things around, you’re not gonna get in!” And yeah, that was true. I ended up doing just fine, surprisingly.

ーThere weren’t any particular subjects on the entrance exam of your music college?

aiko: Well first of all, there were the subject exams. Like, I think I did a Japanese exam. There was that, and a ‘composition’ exam where they quizzed you on music history: “Beethoven is ___”. There was also a music theory exam where they asked you questions like, “What interval is this? A minor third.”

ーWere there any practical exams in addition to the subject exams?

aiko: There were! I majored in popular music vocals, so my practical exam was singing a song. They gave you a couple of set pieces to choose from. I chose the song “Yesterday Once More”. I had another exam called ‘solfege’, where they have you transcribe a song, then sight-read the music.

ーDid you do any interviews?

aiko: Oh, I did that too. I talked pretty briskly through the whole thing: “Yes! Yes, that’s right!” But… I don’t remember a single thing I talked about. (laughs) That whole time period when I was applying to music school is a fuzzy memory to me. Honestly, I really don’t remember anything that I don’t really care about… That’s why it’s all kind of a blur to me. I sometimes forget about people too. For example, let’s say you’ve got two people, and they both get teased and bullied in the exact same way. One person might remember how they were bullied, and what people said to them down to the letter, but the other person might not remember anything at all. I guess that’s the difference between people who give a damn and people who don’t. Music school was one of those things for me. It’s not really that I didn’t care at all about music school, I just don’t remember anything about it because it was never really a goal of mine to get into a music college. Even when I was in school, it wasn’t the kind of college experience that made me feel like, “I’m in a college for music!” That’s why I don’t really remember a whole lot about it.

ーWasn’t it hard, going through all those entrance exams? Normally, students who apply to music colleges spend years preparing. You’re not supposed to study for everything a few months before.

aiko: Definitely, because of the specialized subject exams and the practical exam. I studied for those in a huge hurry starting in June. My music teacher gave me very intensive lessons. For singing lessons, I went to this place my music teacher introduced me to and told them I wanted to be a musical major. “You’re not meant for musicals,” they said, so I decided to apply for the popular music department instead. I definitely wasn’t cut out for being in musicals, that’s for sure. At the time, I couldn’t really hold out a falsetto note. “I’m definitely more of a ‘pop music’ kind of vocalist.”

ーEither way, when you decided that you wanted to go to a music school, it really meant that you wanted to sing. You didn’t want to play an instrument, or just compose music.

aiko: Right. That was already set in stone. It felt like the only option to me.

ーYou never wanted to go to a music-focused middle school or high school before you started applying to colleges?

aiko: Not one bit. It had nothing to do with music, I just didn’t really feel like going to high school. I basically went because my dad said I had to. I never felt like studying music when I was in school either, though. It never occurred to me that music was something you could study because it was everywhere: it plays on the radio, you hear it while walking around, you hear it playing in stores, you hear it on TV… So when I got accepted, it was… honestly, I had mixed feelings about it. Even my teachers said, “You don’t seem all that happy about it!” I didn’t desperately wanna go in the first place, so whenever I talked about it, all I said was, “I got in…” When I enrolled it was almost like, “I got in… So I guess I should go after all, huh…”

ーYou weren’t totally sold on studying music yet, were you?

aiko: I was, a little bit. Every time I went to singing lessons, I found myself thinking, “Wow, what IS this… ?” You know how you start off voice lessons doing that ‘ma ma ma ma ma~, ma ma ma ma ma~’ exercise? You’ve gotta practice that sort of stuff to make singing fun. I have to say though, there’s gotta be a more fun way to learn the basics. They are lessons after all, so they’re not that much fun. That was all I was doing, so after a while I thought to myself, “I don’t know about music school anymore…” The field day we did my senior year of high school was SO, SO much fun though.

ーWas that when you were the captain of the pep squad?

aiko: Yup! (laughs) Apparently the kids in my class who decided I would be captain of the pep squad got scolded by the teacher though. At that point I’d already decided to apply to music school. The teacher said, “I hope you all know by doing this that if she ruins her throat, it’s all YOUR fault!” I wasn’t even thinking about my throat. (laughs) My voice was so powerful I was actually kinda curious what would happen if I did hurt my throat. I’ve never once lost my voice, no matter how much I scream and shout.

ーDid you ever think about applying to a regular college as a back-up?

aiko: No, I didn’t. I had zero interest in going to a regular university. Everyone was always talking about how difficult it was to get into a private university in the Kinki region, which I don’t really understand. Someone would say, “Isn’t it amazing that so-and-so got into ABC University?” And I’d just have this blank look on my face. Like, “Huh?” I know about Tokyo University, of course. I know of Waseda and Keio too. I used think Doshisha was a company or something. (laughs) I honestly don’t know anything about colleges. Like, NO idea what’s so great about one university, or what the class curve is. My school was the ‘smartest’ in one of the top school districts, but I stopped there.

ーIt didn’t rub off on you at all, did it?

aiko: Not one bit. You might say they were really focused on skills. Like, “Wow, you’re really good at frisbee!” Because of that, I never really looked at the grade curves when applying to music school. My dad said, “If you’re going to school for music, that means you can only go to a music college!” I said, “What about an art school?” He said no. I probably would’ve found a bunch of other schools if I had looked at the music departments of women’s colleges.

ーIn spite of all that, it’s pretty amazing that you managed to get accepted into a music college with such little time to prepare.

aiko: No no, not at all. Everyone gets lucky every now and then! I’m sure they just went a little easy on me during the exams. (laughs) Classical music is so much harder. I basically had to practice for a couple hours every day. The school I went to had a ‘popular music vocals’ department. We were known around campus for being the ‘delinquent’s major’. They wouldn’t even let us use the opera house. “Popular music isn’t music,” they would tell us. All of the older professors refused to acknowledge pop music vocal students.

ーBut now that you’d been accepted into a music college, I bet you were thinking about having a career in music in the future, weren’t you?

aiko: I definitely did. I had sort of thought about becoming a singer before that, so I had already thought about starting my own career once I’d graduated from high school. Getting into a music college helped me make up my mind, I think. Part of me wanted to become a singer, so I definitely had the feeling that I wanted to cling to whatever would help me head towards that goal.

ーSo when you graduated, were you already hoping to work really hard towards that goal?

aiko: Sure. When I graduated from high school, one of the underclassmen said, “I’ll be sure to buy your CDs when you debut!” Everyone had written stuff like “I’ll be rooting for you when you debut as a singer. Good luck!” in the back of my graduation yearbook too. Seeing people write stuff like that to me definitely helped lock in those feelings, I guess you could say. They said those things to me like it was totally obvious too. “I’m definitely gonna buy your CDs when you debut, Aiko. Good luck to you!” And when they did, it made me think, “Geez, I have to work hard on it now!”

ーWould you say that that’s when your childhood dream of becoming a singer finally felt real to you?

aiko: Yes. It suddenly became reality between the summer of my senior year of high school and graduation. It hit me that I needed to get things going on my own. I couldn’t just wait around for it to happen.

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#aiko #aiko yanai #yanai aiko #aiko bon #translation

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jbenjaminshieldsdoesthings · 3 years ago

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Z to A: X

XTC: The Big Express (1984)

Generally seen as one of their weaker records, and I admit it’s no Black Sea or Drums and Wires, but a weak XTC record is still damn fine. Favorite track: “Wake Up.”

XTC: English Settlement (1982)

Final record from my favorite XTC lineup, which also produced The Black Sea and Drums & Wires. Favorite track: “Senses Working Overtime.” (Sometimes singles are singles for a reason)

XTC: The Black Sea (1980)

I posted about this one in a non #ZtoA capacity not long ago, but I’m happy to revisit this old favorite. Their finest hour, IMO. Both this and Drums & Wires bridge the gap between the early spazzy new wave and the more elegant songwriting of their mid-late 80s output. Drums & Wires tilted towards the former; Black Sea towards the latter. And Terry’s drums never sounded bigger than they do here. Love it so much. Favorite track: “Paper and Iron” (also: all of them)

XTC: Drums and Wires (1979)

Not only is this record’s cover a snazzy staple of my partner's wardrobe (she has the cover art on a sweatshirt), the music’s damn good too. It’s the first one featuring Dave Gregory on guitar and keys, who would help shape their mature sound over the next 20 years. Favorite track: “Scissor Man.”

XTC: Go 2 (1978)

XTC’s second, and the earliest in my collection. Founding keyboard player Barry Andrews would leave after this record, and it changed their sound considerably. The first two records were solid, spiky new wave with hints of ska, and could veer a tad too close to circus music territory. Fun, but much less interesting than what would follow. Favorite track: “Are You Receiving Me?”

X: More Fun in the New World (1983)

Lunchtime jams with X. I was looking forward to this one (along with Los Angeles). Wild Gift is also amazing, but it will not be included in this list bc I only have it on CD... Those first three* records (Los Angeles especially) have been old friends since a former bandmate introduced me to them around 1999. I’m hard-pressed to think of a finer straight-up, pure rock and roll band. They’ll never sound less than brilliant to me - every note played like life depended on it (and - having seen them twice in recent years - they are still ferocious live). Following this record, were lineup changes and an unfortunate mid-late 80s shiny hard rock phase during which they lost me. But three perfect records are three more than most bands make. Favorite track “We’re Having Much More Fun.”

X: Los Angeles (1980)

Their first, and my introduction. The drummer for Happy Family (named after our favorite Chinese restaurant), my last punk band in Springfield, loaned me this CD to learn “Sugarlight.” I instantly loved the song and my memory is that we did a decent job with it. But when I read the lyrics, clearly about injecting drugs (speed, according to John Doe), it seemed insincere - considering it wasn’t an area in which any of us had experience. I think that drummer was straight-edge, actually... So we dropped it. But my love for that record lived on. Favorite track: “Sugarlight.” (yes, still)

*I should have said first four records. Soon after writing this, I realized I had forgotten about Under the Big Black Sun in my list of X's golden-era albums, an omission I regret, as it easily stands up against the others I mentioned.

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thewaterrocks · 3 years ago

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My music bio.

IAM THE WATER When I started listening to Music with my very first B.F. Gary in 7th grade, I feel in love with the freedom I felt listening to Music, a safe haven of Joy & Peace it offered. Since the beginning of bands such as Ted Nugent, Montrose, Journey, UFO, Van Halen, A/C/DC & SO MANY MORE. I started out with learning how to play guitar, I took a couple of lessons, and the complexity of focus was not my friend at 11 years old, So I took drum lessons, I did not understand that much of that process either, however I was able to grasp the concept, and soon after I received my 1 first drum set, Thanks to mom & Dad allowing me to get noisy & learn.I figured God was in me I had the ability to do anything I wanted to do!So by playing along with my record player “AKA the 70’s” I was able to play along quite well with the music of my favorite bands in my garage, I loved it felt right, I jammed for years locally, when I was able to drive I joined a band in San Leandro CA, called BORN AGAIN.It is where I gained brothers & friends in a Christian band, we toured and played up to 80 shows a year, My best friend " Skip" and mentor in life at that time, was a co founder of the band along Tony Quinn, and they are the ones that took me under there wing to help shape and helped mold me into a drummer. "Benny Aka Skip" has since left us in 2003. The lead guitar player in BORN AGAIN band was also a great brother & musical mentor, Tony Quinn Aka "Tony Guitar Quinn" as well, In whom I still see to this day, whom also lived his life as professional musician and also 1 man band at times And is a true Pro!However I still loved guitar & wanted to learn how to play, some years later Benny's son Dylan Aka "DB Gleason" also learned how to play the drums, as he started playing more & more, I jumped in to the experience, and he/we hooked up with a guitar player "John Eggers" Aka Johnny.That is where Johnny taught me how to play the Bass.. Instrument # 2 has been implemented. Shortly After that I picked up a guitar and applied what I learned on bass, and started my guitar journey. Instrument # 3 has been implemented, along with learning how to record, and play a little bit Keyboards as well. Then the Instrumentation of vocals # 4 had been implemented on my first song. I have been hooked on all on my experiences with Music since I was 12 years old. In 2003 after loosing my best friend "Skip" I did not know how to deal with it very well, I went on western medicine, thank God, that was not going to work for me! I love live and be Conscious in my life! So I felt if I could just write a song about how I was feeling, that may be a start in the healing process. So I took that chance on song writing as well, since I was depressed all the time, been dealing with that since I was 10 I waisted precious time, and Loosing your closest friend was not good for that condition yet I allowed to live unhappy Big mistake! I have since fixed that part of my! So my first 1 man band song was called " Wake me up when this Hell is over" after completing it I felt better, an the song tuned pretty good to, considering that was my first real attempt at such a task, I went on to form a band with Larry "aka" The Hippy" And Brian my Cousin who is a talented drummer an finally a vocalist appeared as Scott "Aka' Scotty doo, for his abilty to throw out slurs of words with melody, Scott would do his Yabba Daba Doo, for vocal melody's and possible words that we could make into the lyrics, We did a lot of shows, traveled to New York 2001 for a video opportunity, traveled to Texas, LA, we played the Whiskey ago go 2 times, all the good clubs in LA, And the most fun we had was going to the Grammys, sneaking into the after a show at the Biltmore hotel in Los Angeles, It was classic we were dressed in our tuxedos, we came up the food elevator as lost fellows we asked how to get back into the party “Hee 😊 Hee” In 2 minutes we were in the party, thanks to the staff as our guides 😊 We were in the heart of the after party, met Johnny Winter, the band SALIVA, CREED David Spade, Lemmy from Motorhead, at the Rainbow in LA, on the famous Sunset strip where our bands photo is still on the wall😊We also won best Hard Rock Band at the LA, Music Awards, just so many more, fun times at NAMM Shows 2 times and we met a ton musical hero’s there as well. After the band Days of Rage was coming to a close, I started doing my own recordings and in time I was able to do 1 a night, it was flowing, I'm now over 110 (1) Take Tony songs, that is what I call my one take songs, Fueled by the feeling in the moment the songs took on meaning, Not so much songs based on perfection doing many takes, and Many days that you could spend on a song.I had limited time being self employed & not in a great space at that time in my life. Most of all my music is about strengthening ones self, standing up to life and embracing it, this life is a gift that to many of us do not realize this gift.Having said that I do appreciate this life & experience, lets make the best of our world with love through music and good deeds towards one another!IAM THE WATER "Which is the meaning of my last name in Italian" TheWaterRocks.comhttps://groove2themusic.com/profile/iamthewaterLabel: https://distrokid.com/hyperfollow/iamthewater/silence-the-fearmongerhttps://vimeo.com/iamthewaterhttps://twitter.com/PureCleanGreen1https://www.facebook.com/Werockthewaterhttps://www.instagram.com/iamthewater1manband/

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brendonuriesource · 8 years ago

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Death of a Bachelor, Birth of a Billboard-Topping Broadway Badass

Brendon Urie got pretty sick a few months ago. Three days before the Panic! at the Disco frontman’s Death of a Bachelor tour was set to hit Oracle Arena, he lost his voice and his temperature soared to 103 degrees. But he was slated to perform for 11,000 fans at Oregon’s Moda Center that evening.

“Still gonna have fun on stage tonight,” he tweeted before the show. “Fuck a cancellation. Let’s do this, Portland.” The next day, he informed his followers that he’d received a steroid shot in the ass so as not to miss his sold-out Vegas hometown show. Then it was off to the Bay Area.

If there were any Oakland concertgoers unaware of Urie’s social media play-by-plays (unlikely), they would’ve had a tough time deducing that the Panic! frontman felt like anything less than a rock star. He belted out over 20 songs during the March 25 show, including covers of Queen’s “Bohemian Rhapsody” and Billy Joel’s “Movin’ Out.” He took over the drums to bang out a Bruno Mars/Rihanna medley, killing back-to-back renditions of “24K Magic” and “Bitch Better Have My Money.” He nailed his signature backflip during the band’s 2013 song, “Miss Jackson.” Then he packed up, hit the road, and completed 15 more stops around the country (including one in Duluth, GA on his 30th birthday). And then, one month later, he made his Broadway debut.

This is how Brendon Urie gets shit done. And this unrelenting energy and passion have made him one of pop-rock’s biggest success stories. Panic! at the Disco currently counts over 3 million and 2.29 million followers on Instagram and Twitter, respectively, and Urie’s amassed nearly identical numbers across his personal accounts. Panic!’s 2005 debut album, A Fever You Can’t Sweat Out, produced the instantly recognizable, irresistibly catchy earworm, “I Write Sins Not Tragedies,” which became a top 10 hit, peaking at No. 7 on the Billboard Hot 100 singles chart. Not bad for a group of recent high school grads who got their start as a Blink-182 cover band. A year earlier, Urie, along with pals Ryan Ross, Spencer Smith, and Brent Wilson formed Panic! and sent a few of their demos to Fall Out Boy’s Pete Wentz via LiveJournal. Within months, he’d signed them as the inaugural band under his Fueled by Ramen record label imprint, Decaydance.

Phoenix, AZ resident Sarah Fingold discovered the group early on. “I was a Fall Out Boy fan, and they did a tour in 2005 and Panic! opened for them,” she recalls. “It was one of their first tours and no one knew who they were. I just remember them being all flamboyant with their outfits and what I remembered as the ‘Shotgun Wedding’ song [officially known as “Time to Dance” from Fever].”

Fingold has attended 15 Panic! shows over the past 12 years and has, along with other early adopters, stuck by the group through a tumultuous decade. In 2006, Jon Walker replaced Wilson on bass. But two years later, Walker and guitarist Ross both left the band following the release of their sophomore album, Pretty. Odd. Urie and drummer Smith then recruited bassist Dallon Weekes while recording their third album, 2011’s Vices & Virtues, and the trio went on to create 2013’s Too Weird to Live, Too Rare to Die! But in 2015, Smith bowed out of the band and Weekes later downgraded his role from permanent to touring member.

And then there was one.

At that point, Urie had a choice. He could have retired from the music game altogether, content with the band’s solid decade together. Or he could’ve put the Panic! brand to bed and reinvented himself as a solo artist. But instead, he soldiered on alone under the Panic! moniker, writing and producing new tracks from his Los Angeles home studio. And while he recruited Weekes, guitarist Kenneth Harris, and drummer Dan Pawlovich for live performances, Urie himself recorded every instrument on the new material, aside from the horns (he’s mastered guitar, bass, keyboard, percussion, and synthesizer), and he even provided his own background vocals (courtesy of a four-octave range). In January 2016, he unveiled the band’s fifth studio release, Death of a Bachelor. As a one-man act, Urie earned Panic! its first No. 1 album and a Grammy nomination.

“Brendon Urie is an anomaly,” says producer and collaborator Rob Mathes. “He’s a young man who is an incredible drummer and singer with extraordinary range, but also a truly great bass player and a guitarist who can shred along with the best of them. Not only that, but he can do backflips and cartwheels on stage and perform seven shows a week with his voice remaining as powerful as ever.”

According to Mathes, Urie’s musical talent is just the tip of the iceberg, and this absurd amalgamation of attributes makes him an industry exception.

“Add to this no ego whatsoever — none,” he says. “It doesn’t really make sense. He was raised by Mormon parents, and though he has drifted from that tradition, I believe his kindness, politeness, and complete lack of pretension probably comes from that religious upbringing. He never thinks he is the most important person in the room. He’s one of my favorite people.”

Los Angeles-based host and long-time KROQ radio DJ Ted Stryker has supported Urie since his early days. “I’ve been listening to Panic! and interviewing Brendon since close to the beginning — he was never off my radar,” he says. “The dude is a superstar. His stage presence, energy, vibe, work ethic, attitude, style, writing — he does not want to fail.”

And he hasn’t, despite the fact that Panic! could have easily succumbed to the fate of other pop rock acts of the MySpace era, written off as a one-hit wonder. Considering the young group’s quick and sudden rise to fame and the members’ gradual departures, it would have been understandable if Urie had felt entitled to coast on his early success until fans lost interest. But the musician has pulled off a rare feat, artistically experimenting and evolving enough to continuously attract new fans, but never veering so off course as to alienate his original supporters.

“Amazingly, the band has amassed a massive cult following, and in essence, are actually bigger now than ever before in their career,” says Live 105 music director Aaron Axelsen. “They sold out a show at the Oracle in Oakland back in March and continue to generate insane sales and streaming numbers here in the Bay Area.”

“You have this [older demographic] of generation-MySpace who nostalgically love Panic! and have been there since day one in 2004, fused with a new wave of younger millennial fans, basically creating an ideal band for soccer moms and their daughters,” Axelsen adds.

That universal appeal hasn’t just kept Panic! afloat: it’s catapulted them toward greater and greater success, even as the band members themselves have dwindled down to just one. That may be why Urie, while lacking the name recognition of an Ed Sheeran or a John Mayer, beat out both artists by having the highest-grossing tour of 2017 thus far.

It’s the combination of unconditional old-school fan loyalty and newbie devotion that’s kept Panic! thriving. “When the new songs came along, the younger audience took ownership of them,” Stryker says, noting that Blink-182 and Weezer have experienced similar sustained success thanks to the support of a millennial audience.

Case in point: 15-year-old Panic! fan Eva Goldthwaite from Boston. She became a dedicated fan a few years ago after discovering Urie’s outspoken support of the LGBTQ+ community in his lyrics and press interviews. “I’ve grown up in a pretty accepting environment,” she says. “I never realized the true, horrible things that were happening in the world.”

After launching the Instagram fan account @brendon.urie (which now counts 31.5K followers), Goldthwaite was shocked to read comments describing followers’ experiences with homophobia and prejudice. Moved to take action, she and a friend decided to pay tribute to Urie’s message of acceptance by distributing paper hearts in all the colors of the rainbow through the crowd at the band’s July 1, 2016 show in Mansfield, MA. Printed on the cutouts were instructions for attendees to shine their cell phone flashlights through the hearts to create a stadium-wide wave of rainbow colors. Audience members were instructed to start the spectacle once the band launched into the equality anthem, “Girls/Girls/Boys,” which includes the refrain “love is not a choice.”

Urie and his team were blown away by the grassroots effort, sharing their appreciation on social media. Fans in other cities took notice, like 20-year-old New Yorker Raquel DiGiacomo, who co-manages the Twitter and Instagram accounts, @PanicUpdating (16K fans and 17.8K followers, respectively). As Urie prepared to kick off the Death of a Bachelor tour, she and a team of fellow fans spearheaded a national effort to replicate the rainbow.

“We spent hours getting people’s information for each stop on the tour, writing our their handles, Tweeting templates of the hearts, telling people where to buy paper,” she says. “It got so big, the people in Houston managed to turn the entire arena into the pride flag.”

The nightly tradition became a testament to the loyalty of Urie’s fans, and he acknowledged the spectacle in a speech at each tour stop.

“The last tour we just finished was the most inspiring I’ve ever been a part of,” he recently wrote in a letter to Billboard commemorating Pride month. “Thank you to all of you for being who you are. You’re beautiful and I love you.”

Fans love Urie right back — so much that they’re willing to traverse the country to see him fulfill his lifelong dream of starring on Broadway. On May 26, Urie kicked off a 10-week run as Charlie Price in Cyndi Lauper’s Tony Award-winning musical, Kinky Boots. It’s a definite departure from his comfort zone, but the production is, in many ways, a perfect fit for Urie. Lauper’s rock-tinged numbers are reminiscent of Panic!’s theatrical influences, and one eerily prophetic lyric from Death of a Bachelor’s “Don’t Threaten Me With a Good Time” kind of says it all: “I lost a bet to a guy in a chiffon skirt/ But I make these high heels work.”

If the numbers are any indication, he definitely does. In the first week (during which he only performed four of eight shows), Urie boosted Kinky Boots ticket sales by 40 percent (or $315,000) and raised attendance by 22 percent compared to the previous week. His seamless transition from rockstar to thespian has wowed critics and colleagues alike.

“Brendon has been like a sponge soaking up everything-Broadway and putting it into his work,” says Urie’s Kinky Boots co-star, Taylor Louderman. “For someone with such a huge following, you might expect an equally huge ego, but this guy is as sweet as they come.”

Mathes says the new endeavor is an ideal outlet for Urie’s talent and enthusiasm. “He has never had more fun in his life than in Kinky Boots,” Mathes says. “He’s over the moon for it and has never been happier. We know he’s at home making blistering modern rock music, but he sure is loving Broadway.”

Urie’s temporary departure from Panic! hasn’t deterred fans. Goldthwaite’s mom will drive her six hours to see Kinky Boots in July and Fingold will make the trek from Phoenix that same month. DiGiacomo has seen the show twice already and plans to see it two more times before Urie’s final performance on August 6.

Each night Urie has appeared in the show, the stage door has been swarmed post-performance, with fans of all ages pouring onto the West 45th Street sidewalk and coming uncomfortably close to oncoming traffic. And each night, Urie has shown up for fans, smiling for countless selfies, signing an astronomical amount of Playbills, and expressing sincere gratitude for their support.

The fan devotion isn’t simply idol admiration; supporters say the musician’s unwavering commitment to his craft, his community, and the causes close to his heart have motivated their own personal growth.

“Brendon has really inspired me to be a better person,” Goldthwaite says, noting that many of her 31,000 Instagram followers are in search of solace or support. “I do mini-projects where I’ll have people compliment the person above them in the comments, which spreads a little bit of positivity to a lot of people,” she says. “Brendon’s positivity inspired me to become a better person and be there for his fans, just like he is.”

Source: sfweekly

#brendon urie #Panic! at the Disco #article #p!atd #kinky boots

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igutranslations · 8 years ago

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ZEAL LINK Personal Interview - Mally

Text: Shimizu Motoko

As the tight supporting backbone of the sound on stage, Mally attracts the viewers’ gaze with her passionate performance. However, behind it all, there lies a calm analytical self, and an honesty that absorbs everything around her. Here, an overview of the lifetime of a girl who says, “I’m bad at lying. I can’t hide my true feelings.“

– When you were younger, what kind of child were you? Looking at your image now, I’m imagining a very lively older sister type. I guess so (laughs). As a kid I was born after three older brothers, so the friends that I played with were mostly boys. To kids, a difference of three years is overwhelmingly strong, so even when playing video games, I’d compete like crazy, thinking "I never want to lose to my brothers!” My competitive personality now is something that I think came from that too. – You didn’t have female friends? I did. Only, even when I played with dolls I was never given Licca-chan but instead minor characters, and long ago, one time I lost Izumi-chan’s dress, and I was so scared, like, “What if she came back in the middle of the night to attack me!?” After that I kept my hands off dolls. I’ve hated scary stories and stuff all my life…. I had a weirdly strong imagination back then, probably. – It seems like you were strongly empathetic, or very strongly sensitive to many things. Did you also start playing instruments through your brother’s influence? No, when I was in elementary school I was interested in brass band, and “because I was tall” I started playing trombone. I’ve always been the type to be really freaking serious in everything I’ve been told to do, so I had a lot of fun honing my skills, thinking how do I get more precise!? I hated talking in front of people but I ended up loving performing, so in marching band I played trombone like whoosh! like how guitar players do that aggressive spinning move. – Ohh. That’s passed on until now.

People say that trombone players consist of outgoing, attention-grabbing people, so I started to feel influenced by them. In the end, I continued trombone in elementary, middle and high school for 8 years, and especially since I went to a middle school well known for its music program, I had the opportunity to play many different instruments. In the midst of basses, drums, keyboards, marimbas, bells….. I was drawn to the big instruments (laughs). I played drums for a bit, and when I performed the theme song of FI, “TRUTH,” I became quite popular! But while I’d had an interest in it then, at the time trombone was still my first choice so I didn’t really start to really play. But after entering high school, I started being invited to play into bands more, and my childhood friend Naoto was there too. – Last time when I had a chat with Naoto, she told me that you played some weird games together in the middle of the forest when you were kids. Yes (laughs). For a long time, I’d braid leaves and make instruments, I liked making things from nature for some reason. With Naoto, who I’d known before I changed schools, we’d rip the plants, take branches…… we’d play around like that. And we were in the same school in middle school and she knew I played the drums, and even though she’d invited me, for some reason she decided to bring me along to meet another drummer who she was considering for her band, and at first we didn’t know what was going on (laughs). Even then I thought, “I don’t want to lose to them!” and in the end I became the drummer. – Around then, did you have any particular interest towards rock or “visual kei”? No. In brass band it was classical or J-POP, ethnic music, musicals… we were exposed to all sorts of music, but talking about forming a band who played visual kei music was… to be honest, I don’t really like the signature “visual kei” voice. Except, I hated pushing things aside just because I didn’t like them, so when I tried to listen to it I found bands that I thought were pretty good or had good arrangements. For example Naoto’s favourite band Raphael had songs where I thought, “Above all else the singing voice is really good!” and when I was covering the song, I just couldn’t get the phrase right, and I liked them so much I introduced twin pedals early on so that I could play it better (laughs). Just like I don’t like continuing to dislike the things I dislike, I also don’t like not being able to do something whenever I fail to do it. – Hearing what you’re saying, you seem like a very straightforward person. Whether it is the tasks that you’ve been given or the influence you receive from others, and how you absorb what’s around you, you face everything head on. Especially during that time, I absorbed everything around me but I was just frantic. Because in the beginning when I first started playing drums in a band I was so frantic, I couldn’t charm anybody with my playing. One time in a band we performed with, there was a drummer who had been so focused on their drumming that they kept their head down the whole time. One of my seniors who had been watching with me told me, “Mally, when you play you look just like that.” I was so upset hearing that, I went to the bathroom to cry. ー Really!? I can’t imagine that from your emotional performance now! That’s why, after that I started to watch and absorb more drummers in their performances. Among the ones who gave me the deepest impression was Nero from MERRY, so definitely, I was the most drawn to flashy, energetic drummers. When I felt seriously like I was a member of the band, I started to feel a tickle of desire in myself to want to stand out. That being said, even when I drum with reckless strength, people around me would tell me that the instrument doesn’t sound that strong, so I had to find a balance between drumming with the movement of my hands as well as keeping the strength that I would drum from my arms that I had since the beginning. ー Especially in exist†trace’s case, at the start all of the visual kei bands around you consisted of only men, so wasn’t there even more of a sense that the power not to lose to them was important?

Definitely. I was thinking only about how to become more like them, so I also tried to have their coolness as well. So in the beginning I tried to act like a pretty boy, but I started feeling like it was a bit off, so the result of the shift is my current style. When I express my true emotions, as long as it could move your heart or make you feel sympathy…. was what started to become my thoughts when I stood on stage, and when I started doing that, one girl told me, “All this time I’ve always only thought negative, sad things, but after seeing Mally, I was able to be more positive” in a message. And then I realized, “Oh, so I’m not doing anything wrong.” I want to be able to make more people feel that, so I do what I do now.

ー That’s a natural result for someone as empathetic as you, but of course there isn’t really a “right answer” for being in a band. You had been devoted to precision in brass band, so there must be difficulties for you in that shift. There really is. A drummer’s standing and style in a band varies so much that I had difficulties understanding what kind of drummer I was, and in times like that I’m deciding to face them head on. Before I would reveal my emotions too much, and when I played really sad songs, I would start crying during a live……. which isn’t really something you should do. When drummers let their emotions out, songs collapse, and that was something I engraved into my mind, so how should I balance expressing my emotions with a solid base of calmness? That became something I began to think really deeply about. ー The drums are the backbone of the sound, and you have to grasp the member’s conditions and support them, so however flashy you have to be, there’s definitely a part where you have to stay calm as well. Behind a powerful performance, being able to be aware of that is very important. Now that you mention it, in an ensemble with other instruments, the trombone also has the duty of regulation. I was always thinking about the comfort of being able to be in rhythm with the sounds all around me, so it may have been that trombone training that got me into the drumming life…… because I’m not really an artistic human being.

ー I think you’re the type of person who’s very straightforward and proper, and who does well in general society. By what you said I may be street smart (laughs). But that’s why I came to the drums, a position that has to pay attention to all of its surroundings, and that’s why from now on I want to keep that perceptiveness while I play in a band. After signing with this company, something that they always tell me is “If the drums are good, the band is good,” so of course I want to always keep improving as a drummer, and my personal goal is “Eternally in second place, but all-around winner.” So of course if you only get one vote, I wouldn’t have it, but if you could vote twice, then I’d be the overall winner; I want to be a character that can be loved by everyone. And anyway it’s because my motto is “Keep moving before you have the time to feel bad.” When I feel bad, I go rehearse on the drums, or I go to the gym to muscle train, I go and fill out all the parts of me that are missing! ー That sounds very much like you. So finally, on March 16th your mini album “THIS IS NOW” will be released, and I must say, that is a very bold title. That’s the maximum “NOW” that we can show of this band, exist†trace, and it’s a release that has accumulated all of our thoughts of how we want to keep going as a band. This wasn’t an album that we penned in time for a release, but rather an album that we nourished with our audience at lives, whose heat we wanted to package as a sound; that’s the kind of name it is. The tempo is quick, and even as a drummer the titular song tests my limits most of all, and the album is packed with challenges like its hard rock beat and its delicateness, so straight after the release, we want to share the passion that we have now with the audience of Nagoya at our oneman. Nagoya’s audience is very passionate, and we want to attack Nagoya after Tokyo, the centre of our Tokyo-Nagoya-Osaka tour. ー I’m looking forward to it. And the same as I asked Omi two issues ago, and Naoto last issue: do you have any advice for girls who want to join a band? I think it’s really important to challenge yourself. I had said this earlier, but there’s no such thing as impossible. Because it’s critical that you make even impossible things possible, then if there is music that you really want to play then you have to believe in that and move forward, and from there on, make things that you’ve grabbed ahold of things that you will cherish and have fun with. You’ll have to have the drive and the resolution for it, but I want exist†trace to be a band that you can see and think “Ahh, I want to be like that,” so don’t hesitate to come see us play. And if that actually happens, then I’ll try my best while I think to myself, “I refuse to lose!”, so for my rivals in the future, I’m waiting for you!!

Read our other exist†trace personal interviews here:

Omi (ZEAL LINK December 2015)

Naoto (ZEAL LINK January 2016)

Jyou & miko (MASSIVE Vol. 22)

#exist†trace #mally #interview

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noiseartists · 5 years ago

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Thai Shoegaze, Dream & Noise Pop, a quick guide, Vol.1

INTRODUCTION

by Punnawich Limparungpattanakij, creator of ‘The year Shoegaze broke’

"The year shoegaze broke is a group of people who love genre of Shoegaze, Dream pop and Noise pop. We came together to organize our own gig, concerts and tours. In order to make Shoegaze music more popular in Thai society."

Since the first period of 2000’s when the internet brought back to life of classic Shoegaze bands and with the rise of Post-Rock bands led by Sigur Ros or Explosion in the Sky, Thai alternative music scene got heavily inspired by those genres. Bands such as Goose, Desktop Error, Assajan Jakgawan (อัศจรรย์ จักรวาล), Swirling Light were the influential figures for those Shoegaze/ Post-Rock/ Experimental Thai bands that came after. Even if some of them have split up, still play the important role for Thai alternative music scene. Some are the founders of record companies which provide the sound that reminds us of those time in 00s, the glory days of Shoegaze/Post-Rock. . These days, with the popularity of band such as DIIV, Thai bands develop their style of Shoegaze which are heavily charged with dreamy sounds and obscure lyrics. Band like ‘Death of Heather’ or ‘Mind Wanders’ are good examples. At the same time, the Post-Grunge style of Nothing, Whirr created Thai band like ‘Telever', which is more of a 'wall-of-sound/Noise type'. I also created the collective 'The Year Shoegaze Broke' (with member of the band ‘Low Fly’, ‘Reverse’) that hosted few events that gathering unknown Shoegaze bands to play together. We also hosted the event: 'Shoegazer Night' that pays tribute to those Shoegaze legendary bands: MBV, Slowdive, RIDE, The Jesus and Mary Chain, Nothing, Whirr by Thai bands ‘Follows’, ‘Telever’, ‘Blue Yogurt’, ‘Frizzy Hair’ and founders of 'The Year Shoegaze Broke' band, to play the copycat of holocaust section in 'You Made Me Realise'. Its goal is to gain more attention for Thai music listeners who are familiar to those classic Shoegaze bands but still have no idea about what was going on the Shoegaze scene of their own country.

Even through the first-tier names for Thai Shoegaze band these days belongs to ‘Follows’, ‘Hariguem Zaboy’ (which change their direction to the more Post-Punk sound in their upcoming album), Thai Shoegaze community keeps growing, with the decline of Post-Rock and growth of Dream Pop/Post-Punk, Thai Shoegazers, who share listeners with these genres, have hopefully a bright future.

The year shoegaze broke is a group of people who love genre of Shoegaze, Dream pop and Noise pop. We came together to organize our own gig, concerts and tours. In order to make Shoegaze music more popular in Thai society.

DESKTOP ERROR

Desktop Error, is a Thai Alternative Indie Rock band, formed by a group of friends that have been hanging together since secondary school and university. Their love for similar type of music and lifestyle, eventually inspired them to form a band. They are:

Lek Kongphaibun (Guitar, lead Vocal)

Adisak Poung (Guitar, Keyboard, Vocal)

Wuttipong Leetrakul (Guitar, Keyboard, Vocal)

Chanarong Jamkow (Bass)

Phatharhaphon Thongsuka (Drums)

We collaborated with Desktop Error in 2017 to present the band and their music. They are by far the most famous and followed Indie band in Thailand. They are a world-class act, but unfortunately are not well known outside of Thailand. From the outside, the recipe for Desktop Error could be:

Shake some Ride and Radiohead together for the guitars and their capacity to complement each other very well, their flair for mixing melodies and using sound effect without abuse,

Add a bass player that understands how to blend support and melodies, without being too linear, much like Colin Greenwood, Radiohead’s bass player,

Supplement with a drummer that keeps everything together well and have a rich repertoire of rhythms and sounds,

Sprinkle a pinch of traditional Thai music and some flair for melodies.

Their music work to date:

2006: Instinct, EP

2009: Ticket to home, Album

2014: Looking at the window, Album

Surprisingly enough it is quite difficult to get their music (no Bandcamp, Soundcloud, limited presence on Spotify or Apple Store)

Some of the songs we love:

INSPIRATIVE - อินสไปเรทีฟ

Inspirative is a post-rock band from Bangkok, Thailand formed in 2006. The band initially started as a solo project of Noppanan Panicharoen. They work the Reverb like nobody and brush on genres like Shoegaze and Ambient.

Listening to Inspirative is like walking into the shop of a master sound crafter. All you discover has been studied, thought completely through, melodies, sound, texture, and colors. They are all masterpieces made by a band that has not only worked hard but also thought hard about their music and are clever about their choices. You can feel that the evolution is not just been let to itself: it has been planned, designed.

If you want to know more you can read our collaboration their music, the band or their interview.

All members joined in 2008 and turned into a full band consist of:

Noppanan Panicharoen: Guitar

Amornthep Masawang: Bass

Wuttipong Huangpetch: Piano, Vocals

Nattanai Janjarassri: Guitars

Ginn: Drums

Their musical work to date is:

2008: Floating Down Through The Clouds, EP

2009: The Sleeping Tracks, EP

2010: Memories Come Rushing Up To Meet Me Now, Album

2012: When We Talk EP

2015: Mysteriously Awake, Album

2017: Mainland, EP

2018: Inertia, Pt.1, Album; พื้นที่ว่าง, single

Some of the songs we love:

HARIGUEM ZABOY - ฮาริกึ่ม ซาโบ้ย

Hariguem Zaboy are a Shoegaze band from Bangkok. They are signed on the record label Panda Records

We're a long time friends. We had met at the Triamudomsuksa Pattanakarn School in Bangkok. When we were in the high school, we started this band, Hariguem Zaboy, just to perform in the school's auditorium. We were so happy at that time to be part of band and teenagers, so we decided to write our own songs and make our own music.

The band members are:

Napan Pichaikool: guitar

Rungsimun Suwiruttanapast: vox, guitar, tambourine

Garntanop Tanjaroen: drums

Songkhun Sanguankulthong: bass

The music work to date is:

2014: Thick Mink, album

2017: Kart, album

2019: (She Loves Her) Expensive Hairstyle, single

Some of the songs we love:

SOLITUDE IS BLISS - โซลิจูด อีส บลิส

Recommended by Desktop Error in their April 2017 interview with Noise Artists, as one of the best of the new generation of indie Thai bands, Solitude Is Bliss has a very nice mix of indie and Thai pop influences, tinted of reverb.

We are Solitude Is Bliss of Chiang Mai, Thailand. Join us on our journey, we promise to delight!

The band members are:

Thanaphol Chumkhammool (Fender) : Vocals/Guitar

Sedthakit Sitthi (Beer) : Guitar

Jomyoot Wongto (Dong) : Bass

Songpon Kaewwongwarn (Pound) : Keyboards

Saran Dolpipatpong (Frank) : Drums

Their music work to date is:

2015: Her social anxiety, album

2017: Montage, EP; Lost in Jane, single

2019: Please Verify That You Are Not a Robot, Album

Some of the songs we love:

MONOMANIA - โมโนแมเนีย

Monomania are an Alternative/Indie/Rock band from Thailand, united in their passion for ambient and electronic noise driven by hypnotic grooves. Together they create a unique atmosphere, from chilled psychedelia to jarring rhythms brimming with energy. This provides the bedrock for their songs that whilst tinged with melancholy are always hopeful, striving to break free.

Sometimes, we do love to play the music in the way of crazy, break of our mind but we also try to do it in the way of creativity. We do not like to limit ourselves so this can always make us so excited and fun especially on our music

The band met while studying at the same College of Music, in Mahidolin University. They quickly became close friends and have been playing music together ever since, becoming the band Monomania when their project and sound took more shape.

The line-up is:

Napat Prucksachattawon - Lead Vocal, Acoustic Guitar

Katawut Chandaeng - Guitar

Nattapak Kaweethammawong - Guitar

Kanes Ongarjwuttiwong - Bass

Thanachai Sae-Chin - Drums

Their music work to date is:

2014: Another side of human, album

2017: Before the dawn, album

Some of the songs we love:

TELEVER - เทเลเวอร์

Telever is a band formed in 2018 in the city of Nakhonsawan, Thailand. Telever sings both in English and Thai. They mix Noise Rock and Shoegaze like Whirr or Nothing. Telever currently belong to the independent label ’Brand New Me Records’.

We grew up in shoegaze and hardcore music taste and small town. that’s the reason we do this music

The new album they prepare is quicker and heavier, with a more Post-Hardcore feeling than their popular, more Shoegazey, 2018 EP.

We has toned the reverb and distortion too, with an emphasis on scream vocal and lyrics. This new album, with its songs about depression and the broken hearts, is meant to be sang along to.

The line-up is:

Tae tae kittitad: Guitars, Vocals

Jame thanadol: Lead Guitar, Vocals

Thawedate Narkchittakarn : Bass

Teamy janson: Drums

The music work to date is:

2018: Chem, single

2019: Have a Good Health, long EP

2020: New album in preparation

Some of the songs we love:

LOW FLY - โลว์ฟลาย

Low Fly are a Shoegaze band from Bangkok. They are a newcomer but the first EP released in 2019 is full of great music.

The current line up is:

Nattacha Veeravanich: Guitar & vocals

Wisun Swathasut: Drum

Sutthipong Phumidamrong: Bass

Music work to date is:

2019: Low Fly, long EP

Some of the songs we love:

SWIRLING LIGHT - สเวอร์ลิ่ง ไลท์

Swirling Light is Shoegaze Alternative Band from Bangkok, Thailand. The project started when Manasya Sachorfah (Bas) met Chonlatas Chansiri in University. She asked him to teach her the guitar and soon they discovered that their music tastes were very similar. When Chonlatas decided to start a band he asked Bas to join him. In turn 3 other members joined the band.

The released one EP and one Album with the same name (World is full of Noise), the title being an homage to their favorite band, My Bloody Valentine.

They toured in Indonesia, Singapore and Malaysia before even being known in Thailand. After they left University, they stopped playing together as life commitments took over.

They are still well remembered, and one of the seminal Thai shoegaze bands.

The lineup was:

Manasya: guitar, voice

Chonlatas: guitar

Ae: guitar

Tippy: bass

Bass: drums

Music work:

2009: World is full of Noise, EP and LP

Some songs we love:

Thanks

First a big thank you to Punnawich for his work (superb introduction) and his kindness. He is a treasure of information and contacts on the Thai scene + do a superb work in getting the Shoegaze genre better known. Make sure to follow his The year shoegaze broke if you are in Thailand.

Thanks to Manasya B Sachorfah (Bas) for her time in providing information on Swirling Light. Thanks to all the Telever, Monomania, Solitude is Bliss that reviewed the information above + to Desktop Error and Inspirative for all their kindness and patience when we worked together in the past.

And last thanks to the Facebook group Shoegaze Japan that always support Asian and Thai music.

Stay tuned for the volume 2 with many more exceptional bands.

#Thailand #Shoegaze #Dream pop

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