#since that seemed to be a problem for what was implied to be the storyline they were planning relating to her past

[stelladess]

Medicmiya and W-alter operator profiles/voicelines both mentioning Blaze what did they mean by this.

[dillydally6969]

CROWNED .ᐟ 𝓝AT SCATORCCIO

♱ fighting situationship!nat for the antler queen title, where you eventually knock her off the tip of the food chain

♱ cw; yj s3 spoilers, harsh language, angst, implied f!r, shauna storyline if u squint, pt. 2 linked at bottom

“loser says ‘what’.” mari snarked, brushing past shauna.

the butcher was about to snap back before nat jogged on-scene, shaking her head and shooting the raven-haired girl a disapproving glare. “knock it off, mar!”

upon hearing your lover’s voice, you looked up from your shared hut. mapping a route for the next hunt seemed far less interesting when the usual bickering began escalating.

“i’ll kill you, just give me a fucking reason--!” shauna yelled.

natalie rushed to physically keep the brunette from lunging at a timid mari. she held shauna by her sides, but her smaller frame gave her a slight disadvantage as the blonde struggled to hold her back. mari’s face dropped in a flash of panic before brushing it off with a scoff. “jesus, you’re a fucking psycho!”

“hey, hey, hey!” you barked, pouncing to your feet.

the others ceased whatever they were occupied with prior to the hassle, watching as you jogged over.

“shauna--hey! walk it off,” you hissed in shauna’s face, a hand on her chest as nat stepped back to brush herself off. you turned to see the blonde standing beside mari, hands on her hips as she made sure the taller was okay.

you glanced between the two of them. you grunted, “what the fuck are you two, children? get your fucking shit together.”

you caught the murderous glint in shauna’s eyes, and she was ready to do something she’d regret. it wasn’t the fact she was so willing to resort to violence that bothered you, no, it was the fact she was looking straight at nat.

your presence commanded the room, even in moments when things fell silent. nobody dared speak up, speak against you.

“y’know, this beef between you two is getting real old. and since the two of you want to act like children, you’ll be punished like it. i don’t want to see either of you in the same area again. i don’t care if you need to eat, piss or sleep, i don’t want you two within a fucking hair of each other. am i clear?”

neither of them responded, averting their gazes elsewhere.

“did i make myself fucking clear?” you repeated, a grumbled ‘yes’ and ‘whatever’ came from them before they dispersed.

once the grounds cleared and everybody returned to their duties, you eyed nat out of the corner of her eye. she sighed, hurt flashing in her eye as she turned to walk away, a hand on her head, fondling the edge of her bandana. “nat, i--!”

“i had it.” she mumbled softly, “you didn’t need to do all that.”

you know, for somebody who really didn’t like being queen, she sure had a problem when you stepped in to help. you knew her, and you knew the last thing she wanted was to be the leader of these animals when it came down to it. but whenever you’d try and share the seat, take some things off her shoulders, she’d get thrusted into a sour mood for the rest of the day. you sometimes wondered if she secretly resented you for doing her job just that much better than her.

“i was just trying to help,” you replied, following her as she walked back towards your hut. “nat--shauna was damn near about to cave your head in.”

“she wouldn’t have, okay? y’know what? it’s fine. thanks.”

she scurried through the opening to your hut, plopping down onto the makeshift bed of compiled cushions and worn clothes. you were left standing outside, watching as she went out of her way to ignore your insistent gaze.

you scoffed in disbelief at her attitude, spinning on your heel. you caught lottie’s eye from across the camp.

the girl beckoned you over with a single nod of her head, a mug in one hand as she adjusted the shawl draped over her shoulders with the other. you sauntered over, your hands on your hips. upon her patting the bench cloaked with flannels sewn into a table mat, you took a seat across from lottie.

“your influence is growing, y/n. it’s testing you.”

“yeah, this is on me for thinking you had something actually meaningful to say.” you ran a hand through your hair, ready to stand. “i’m not in the mood for your wilderness bullshit, lottie.”

“winter is coming, y/n, nat’s tranquil style of leadership may thrive in the spring, but she will be buried, along with all else under her hand once snow falls.” lottie reasoned.

you froze. your grip on the table cloth tightening.

“lottie, this wacky hippie shit is fine away from camp. i don’t care if you waste the better part of most days to sneak off with travis on your weird little sexcapades, but i’d appreciate if you’d show nat the respect she is owed.” you stood, nodding down at her, “thanks for the news flash.”

“you’re not stupid, y/n. you know her time is running out.”

“bye, lottie.” you called over your shoulder, sauntering your way back to your hut to finish routing the next hunt.

truth be told, you had begun doubting nat’s control over the peace yourself a while back. from the beginning, since lottie constructed the whole tier with her schizophrenic episodes, you had begun your subconscious climb to the top.

you knew, the moment nat drew the queen of hearts last winter that she was going to die, or she was to be crowned.

though you could not have been more thankful the latter happened, you knew nat was not mentally built to sustain the burdens she was forced to bore from her manifested guilt.

but antler queen nat wasn’t the nat you thought you knew.

she rarely spent time with you alone, always finding excuses to escape being intimate--sometimes, it’s not even physical intimacy. you’ll have a long, hard day at hunting and come home craving a night by the fire, beside the tawny-eyed beauty you spent the day thinking about, just savouring the crisp night air. but no. there was always something greater, something in need of her more than you were.

it was driving a wedge between you. and the others were starting to take notice as well.

as you disappeared into your hut, two pairs of eyes from the water station had been following your frame the entire time.

“damn, y/n should yell at me next, that was kinda hot.” van commented, earning a tiny shove to the arm from her girlfriend. “ow--hey! i’m just saying, why is nat even antler queen anymore? y/n’s the one who’s got shauna on a leash.”

tai groaned, “it’s just one of those unspoken things, alright? everybody knows it’s only a matter of time before y/n goes all nevermind on nat’s dangerous.”

the redhead shot the taller an amused look, “did you just make a nirvana versus mj reference?”

tai rolled her eyes, “shut up. my point is, don’t talk about it.”

“but, why? she’s not even hunting anymore, she just acts like the boss around here and call it a day. y/n keeps us fed, y/n keeps the atomic shauna bomb from nuking us all to death, i mean--!” van was practically yelling, prompting a quick slap of a hand over her mouth. muffled against tai’s palm, the taller could briefly make out, “--am i wrong though?”

tai dragged the shorter back to their hut in a hurry, yanking the blanket over their opening after snapping her head around.

“look, i also think nat’s lost it since we got through winter, but she still has y/n worshipping her like some weird god, and i’m not about to mess with the one person in this fucking camp that has a rifle.” tai huffed, “i mean, how twisted and scary do you have to be for shauna to listen to you?”

the hut fell silent for a moment. van tore through the pause with an indifferent, “…you think they’re fucking?”

two huts over, you found it hard to focus on the map in your hands. you, nat and travis had made it months prior at the beginning of your ventures. since then, you and your team consisting of gen and occasionally misty (in hopes of finding coach scott) have expanded the map beyond what the snow had constricted you to.

just two feet away sat nat, leant against the side of the hut. she refused to glance up at you, eyes trained on the book in her hand. it was worn around the edges, water stains and tears across the pages evident from where you sat.

feeling the crushing weight of the giant elephant in the room, you decided to confront the blonde.

“so, are you just not gonna talk to me?”

she exhaled deeply through her nose, not looking up. “yes.”

you tossed the map aside, slapping both your thighs as you stood. you settled beside her, your knee brushing against hers. you could tell she was contemplating whether or not to move away out of spite, her lip was doing the twitchy thing you had noticed it would whenever she thought.

“come on, nat. don’t be stubborn, let’s talk about this.”

“i have nothing to say,” she countered, “you saved me, just like you’ve done many times the last couple weeks.”

you felt like she was playing games with you. nat was never one to be open with her feelings, you knew that. despite her constant deflection, her dismissive behaviour and stubborn nature, you weren’t one to back down. never go to bed angry, especially not at this tiny little italian angel.

“baby, don’t do this.” you grabbed her hand, interlacing your fingers. internally relieved she didn’t resist, you watch her expression carefully. “i just get really worried shauna’s gonna go all stone cold steve austin on you.”

the blonde tried defying the urge glance at you, but she had already read the same sentence over a dozen times.

“y/n, anybody could walk past and hear you right now.”

you shrugged, leaning to press a kiss against hers knuckles. you traced you lips up her arm, humming against the skin of her collarbone. “better give them a show then.”

“y/n…” she gasped when you sucked lightly against her neck.

“yes, my queen?” you murmured, in that raspy tone you knew she was a sucker for. “still not talking to me?”

“okay--enough. i can’t have you stepping in anymore.”

you paused, pulling away. you glanced down at her quivering lip, swallowing thickly. you tilted your head. “what?”

“the stepping in and taking over, i just… it’s making people talk, they’re asking questions and i don’t want that.” nat confessed, her fingers praying away from yours. “i mean, mari and shauna’s been acting up more often, and misty’s being a pain about coach, i just need you to support me.”

her earnest voice made your chest tighten. you felt sick.

“oh,” you hummed softly, “okay.”

“thank you,” nat forced a smile. she stood abruptly, the warmth of her skin against yours fizzing into the air as she cleared her throat. “i’m gonna, uh, i’m gonna go talk to akilah. check in and see how the animal pen’s holding up.”

yup. you definitely resented antler queen nat with all of you.

at this point, you were determined to get her off that throne. you were desperate.

you were sick of giving yourself excuses as to why the one person you had once truly believed had your best interest at heart was making you feel like talking to you was the last thing she wanted to do.

like you were such a chore.

like she’d rather let akilah chirp about that stupid petting zoo than kiss you.

like she’d rather let fucking misty yap all day about her creepy obsession with coach than to have a good, normal conversation with you that didn’t concern your duty as the hunter or hers as the queen.

you were beginning to forget how her lips felt. what she tasted like. you hadn’t even gotten a hug, a cuddle at night. she would simply sleep beside you, like you were contagious.

fuck, you hated antler queen nat. did you mention that?

lottie was right. she was barely even queen anymore. she had no power over shauna and her incessant tantrums, she hadn’t been hunting since last winter when javi had been slaughtered, and she was growing sick of trying to contain her internalized guilt, the anger gnawing at the bars, threatening to throw her into a state of hysteria so deep into the burrow she would not be able to claw her way back out.

you were the hand that ruled by your own instincts, undaunted by posed danger (civil or foreign) and merciless. you were willing to stare a doe down before shooting between its eyes.

you sought guidance from within your own voice.

unlike lottie, you didn’t desire approval from a higher authority.

unlike nat, you weren’t stunted by your humanity.

you were the fix, the stricken balance between morality and benevolence. you’ve earned the respect you get from your peers--you’ve earned their loyalty. you were the high priestess. and you deserved to be antler queen.

since, you’ve been pursuing--no, preying on the throne.

“what’re you thinking? you can’t just go and hunt him down like he’s some animal--y/n, will you drop the fucking gun and please listen!” the distress in her voice almost made you yield to her instruction.

but you weren’t nat’s little jester. not anymore.

after days of mari’s absence, she had finally stumbled her way back onto camp. she was in much rougher shape than when she had departed. her eyes were bloodshot and her leg was wrapped in some shitty makeshift cast. she was lying to you about her whereabouts the last few days.

all you had to do was lean down, your hands on your knees as you levelled with mari’s sitting figure. with a clenched jaw and a snarl, you asked her a single question: “where is he?”

and that alone was enough to crumble the deceit she initially vowed she would stick to (for coach’s sake).

from the state of his health, his newfound resources, to his refuge, mari did not hold back on spewing information.

and now, you were ready to avenge for the loss of the cabin.

“i’m done listening, natalie. all i fucking do, is listen, and where has that gotten us? at least here, we can be sure if he’s actually innocent, we can keep him fed. because how i see it, running just made him look guilty.” you stuffed ammo into the utility belt akilah and melissa had crafted for you. you looped it over your head, strapping it right across your chest.

“so, what, you’re gonna kill him? he has one leg, for christ’s sake!”

“i’m not going to kill him. i’m going to bring him back here and choke some answers out of him.” you strapped the rifle to the back of your belt. “whether you like it or not.”

“he fled because he’s innocent, y/n, you know this. you know him, he wouldn’t risk all our lives like that.”

nat reached for your belt, but you grabbed her wrist before she could yank it off of you.

“then i guess i’ll get to hear it from him.”

you let go of her wrist, brushing off the way she caressed the tender skin with a frightened grimace. grabbing your own bandana, you wrapped it around your head, letting a couple loose strands fall to frame your face.

“i’ll have him back before sundown. prep the pen for holding.”

nat could not believe her ears. she could not believe such words were coming from your lips. you never defied her wishes, you never sided with a defector as led astray as shauna, you never unsettled her the way you did right now.

how ruthless you were being. how cutthroat.

nat didn’t recognize you, and it disturbed her deeply.

you marched out of your cabin, seeing shauna was already geared up and waiting in the centre by a dormant bonfire. her hair was up, and her knife was tightly wound in her fingers.

“anybody who’s willing to come help, grab a weapon. if you’re not, i don’t want to see anybody leaving this camp until we’re back.” you barked eyeing the circle that had gathered around you. “nat has decided she will not be stepping up to help, and i know many of you will choose to stay by the antler queen.”

you jerked the rifle off your back, cocking in, basking in the lingering echo of the startling sound.

“but if you have an ounce of respect for everything we’ve built here, i suggest you bring this man to justice. ‘cuz he took away our shelter, and because of him, we’ll have to live through the coming winter knowing we might not wake up one morning.” you rested the snout of the rifle on your shoulder, “so, who’s ready to catch some coach ass?”

sharing glances with each other, gradually the team scattered to do as they were told. shauna’s lips quirked up in satisfaction, the most you’ve seen of a positive mien from the brunette.

first, travis left to grab the axe from the lumber station.

then, tai and van submitted in silence, hoisting a fireplace poker and a hunting net respectively.

you caught sight of lottie’s unreadable expression. she observed from the very back of the pack, her arms crossed and her eyes stern. you struggled to make out a lone thought or emotion from her features, but the slight cock of her head to the side gave you all the approval you needed.

as more than half the team, those who are well and uninjured, volunteered themselves to follow your lead, the sudden sound of twigs and leaves crunching from behind you sounded.

eyes followed nat storming back to your hut across camp.

you looked down to the ground, gulping. any other day, you would’ve followed her, consoled her. but you had greater duties to attend to, as she had. she couldn’t hold it against you, but she did, and that deepened her guilt.

you shot your hut one last glance before you led the party off into the woods.

they trailed after you like ducklings after their mother, wielding torches and rope in preparation for the hunt to bleed into nightfall. travis jogged up beside you, shauna and melissa tailing the both of you a few feet behind.

you hadn’t really spoken to travis since javi’s passing. you used to be close, back when the hunting trip spent every waking moment together out in the wilderness. he was such a jerk when you first began spending time together, a misogynistic, selfish little prick who picked on nat a lot.

you even fought him once, grateful your athletic build gave you a levelled physical advantage with the boy.

he was just relentlessly slut-shaming nat, and though the girl lashed out in defence of her own feelings, you could tell it stung. so without thinking, your fist met his face.

in the end, nat pried you off him, cradling your shaking hand as blood smeared across your bruising knuckles.

he wound up with a broken nose and a black eye.

but he grew more tolerable with time, as grief accelerated his growth. he had to step up to take care of his brother, then he had to step up to feed the team, then come to terms with the loss of his flesh and blood before consuming him.

you hadn’t spoken, because you’ve been busy. but you had your own reservations about him since he started hanging around lottie and her supernatural nonsense more.

“hey,” he grumbled, “do you know where we’re going?”

“i don’t know, travis,” you remarked sarcastically, “who’s been hunting these woods the past year?”

he nodded, pursing his lips awkwardly as he looked elsewhere.

“i’ve been meaning to talk to you about something,” he muttered under his breath, like he was whispering a dirty secret. he turned his head, eyeing his surroundings before he turned back to you. “are we gonna just go and kill coach?”

“you’re just like nat in the worst ways,” you scoffed, smirking, “when did i become so violent in everybody’s eyes?”

“you did just threaten us with a rifle, so.” travis raised both his eyebrows, slipping a hand into his pockets.

“what? no, i didn’t. all i did was encourage you to join.”

“yeah, didn’t look like it.” travis chuckled, “you’ve turnt into a real hotshot around here. even the ones who would jump off a plane for nat has turned to a y/n devote.”

you eyed him briefly out of the corner of your eye. “really?”

sensing the skepticism mixed with a tinge of irritation at the statement, travis cleared his throat, rethinking his words carefully. “look, i don’t know what’s going on between you and nat, but just know that, i--well, most of us, really, are behind you for whatever you want to do.”

vexed by the sudden statement, you halted in your steps, startling those behind. “what’re you trying to say, martinez?”

travis glanced back at the girls, particularly, shauna’s eye.

his head hung low, his breath quickening under the weight of the snarl you basked him in. as he gathered the words gagging in his throat, shauna took a step forward.

“nat isn’t fit to lead. she fucking knew where coach was hiding, for fuck’s sake.” she confessed, pointing misty with the tip of her knife. “quigley told me they found a trap he set when they were looking for mari.”

agitated, you tilted your head, lips parting in disbelief.

you approached the curly-haired blonde, and with a visible gulp, she backed with you drawing closer.

“you knew where he was?” your voice quivered.

“no, i--nat said--i was just doing what nat told me! but i-i told her we should’ve told everybody and looked for him, he could be starving! he moves around so slowly, i was thinking about how vulnerable he was to all the crazy beasts around here, and i knew we should’ve said something, but nat told me to keep it a secret!” she stammered, “please don’t hurt me, i was just doing what the queen told me to.”

how could she? after all the speeches on justice and equality she had given? after all the times she told you things should be fair? after she lied to your face many times about what she discovered on her scavenging trips.

when you didn’t answer, the team fell into an uncomfortable position. nobody moved a muscle, not even shauna.

you don’t know what you expected. it’s not like you were dating. nobody knew of the two of you.

and it looks like she’s forgotten it too.

sucking in a breath, you threw your head up with a newfound drive. you glanced around, spotting a mark on a distant tree you had made months ago. it was the right area, around where mari recalled ben had taken her. you looked around, reaching for your rifle over your shoulder before you gestured demands.

wordless. assertive. the alpha leading its pack.

as the sun gradually diminished behind acres of forest, and the glade the yellowjackets have claimed lapsed into a glum atmosphere, nat sits anxious by the fire robin and akilah had started. as the few that stayed prepared dinner, the blonde couldn’t help but sit, consumed by her thoughts.

her hands clasped against her purses lips, her glossy eyes stared blankly into the roaring bonfire.

she was losing it. the pressure of everybody’s expectations for her as the queen was crushing what little sanity she had.

she wanted to cry, throw up and stab something all at once.

nat wasn’t one to complain, she wasn’t one to settle, and she believed it became apparent when she started using her antler queen responsibilities as excuses to stay away from you.

it wasn’t because she wanted to, god, she hated how things were now, but she didn’t want you dragged into the messy makeup of leading such an estranged group of animals.

you were bleeding your way into her role, however, and it troubled her deeply.

as she lies beside your sound, sleeping figure at night, she can’t help but be roused awake by her fears. she has spared every person she loved from herself, she shot her father in the face, for christ’s sake, why you enjoy her company will always be such a mystery to her.

usually, she’d have her drinks ready to console her.

but this, being stranded in the wilderness, was the longest she had ever been forced to be sober.

“nat?”

nat blinked herself from her trance, “lottie--what’s up?”

the brunette gazed down at her, eyes curious.

“you seem troubled. are you worried about y/n?”

the blonde’s breath hitched. “no, it’s--don’t worry about me. how’s the stew coming along?”

“are you afraid she will hurt coach scott?”

“lottie, i really don’t feel like talking about this.”

“she won’t kill him, y’know,” the taller insisted, sitting beside a sighing nat. “y/n may be strong-willed, but she’s reasonable. she’s more fair-minded than you’re giving her credit for.”

the italian ran her hands up her face, through the bangs over her forehead and over the bandana.

“are you afraid of being forced to surrender your title?”

was she? she feels the serene spirit she has managed to foster, in contrast to the harsh essence of winter, has raised morale.

“i don’t care about the title, lottie. but coach isn’t gonna survive if they find him.” nat’s fingers fidgeted, “and they will find him as long as y/n’s at the head of that group.”

“she is quite the gifted hunter,” lottie remarked, “that’s it, then? the thing that’s been bothering you?”

no, it isn’t. “i suppose, yeah.”

“well, i believe everything will work out just fine--!”

“oh my god, they fucking found him!”

both of them sprung to their feet upon robin’s declaration. on one edge of the camp, emerging from the leaves and thick bushes was ben, limping his way within the camp with the mouth of your rifle stuck to the back of his neck.

shauna and travis held lit torches, standing just behind you as you pushed the man to his knees, gun to his head.

nat slapped a hand over her mouth. standing before the knelt man with tears welling in her big, brown eyes.

“y/n, what’re you doing?” she gasped softly.

you let out a shaken breath, slowly dropping the snout of the gun. you slid it back onto your back, a hand on the quaking man’s shoulder. you held your lover’s gaze. she was still queen. she was still in charge. “i promised you i wouldn’t kill him. so here’s your chance to prove him innocent.”

shauna scoffed, “what? he almost set us all on fire, we should fucking execute him!”

you held a hand up, silencing her frustrated outburst. she sneered, scoffing with an exaggerated eye roll.

“we’re putting coach on trial. that way, he gets to tell his story, and we get to flesh out both sides.” you tilted your head, challenging nat’s authority. “what do you say, my queen?”

the blonde shot you that deer in the headlights look. “fine.”

an; first yj fic down… lmk if you guys like it cuz ill write another part if it’s wanted enough. happy reading! xx

next >>

[escapingrealtiylovinginsanity]

[Not] Guilty Part 2

Part 1 

A few people expressed interest in this becoming a series. I had a storyline for it when I made the first ‘chapter’. I do warn you guys though I will probably be slow to post. I have a hard time when I feel like I have to write the next chapter of something. Not to mention I am currently packing (and procrastinating packing by writing) to move from Michigan to Tennessee for my new post-grad job!  

This is not a spoiler because I hinted heavily (told you really) at it at the end of the first chapter, but I did want to warn everyone- this has the ACCIDENTAL PREGNANCY TROPE. For those of you who do not like those stories, you have been warned. The case is mentioned in this story but is not its main focus, but what will become of the reader and Sonny’s relationship. (I may change the name because it implies otherwise.)  

Warnings- mentions of sex abuse, physical abuse, prison violence, suicide and accidental pregnancy trope (just in case you missed it ^)

Thank you for reading that really long author's note <3

The breakup should be harder on you. It was the longest relationship you had been in. The nervousness you had felt when you had crept up to the six-month marker and the kiss of death to every relationship you had ever had. It had come in like a lion, with you causing fights waiting for the inevitable, and out like a lamb when Sonny realized what the problem was. He had maturely communicated that he had no intent in letting you go. It had been smooth sailing for the most part after that. The relief you had felt when it all just seemed to work out. You guys were just a few weeks away from the year mark.  

The end was as abrupt as your cousin Randy’s arrest. The betrayal of Sonny going after him without any regard to you. Then the attempted railroading from him to you of Randy’s guilt. The whole thing had left you cold and numb.  

You knew Dominick Carisi was a good lawyer and now he could be the one to put Randy away for life. On a charge you were sure he didn’t commit. You hadn’t seen him much since the day you refused to let him into your apartment. You only saw him during court proceedings or meetings with him and Randy’s defense lawyer. Not that he hadn’t tried. He had called, texted, and stopped by your apartment frequently during the first few weeks. You were sure he thought that you were just overacting and that you would come to see the light of your cousin’s misdoings. Process and then accept what was going on. The only difference was you knew deep in your soul that your cousin wasn’t guilty. You wouldn't let anyone railroad you into thinking anything differently.  

Not even a man you loved. 

You had been actively avoiding him and any emotion that he provoked. You tried to ignore that you were a hot mess. The stress and emotional strain caused constant fatigue and churning in your stomach which had a tendency to make you sick. You had been trying to take care of everything for the case and still work overtime to continue paying your bills and for Randy’s pricy lawyer. You had even tried to get the money to bail Randy out, but Sonny had asked for an outrageous bond that even combined your working-class family couldn’t afford. You had tried to make up for it by putting money in his commissary and visiting once a week. Randy assured you he was okay, but it didn’t help make you feel better. Especially, when you saw the black eye and cut lip on your last visit.  

Today was court and it was Randy’s turn to testify. You sat there in support of him and tried not to wince or shift uncomfortably as years of family secrets were let loose in open court. It was to help show Randy’s character the lawyer had explained. It was smart but you didn’t have to like listening to it.  

Randy testified to his mental health issues. His bipolar that left him manic and on top of the world one day and then so depressed he couldn’t get out of bed the next. He went on to talk about the sexual and physical abuse he had received at the hands of his own father. How he had used substance to numb himself. He was in tears when he talked about how he could never hurt someone like he had been hurt. He would rather put a bullet in his head.  

He had tried to skirt around the question about his uncle. But when he was pressed, he talked about how he had witnessed the brutal murder of his father at his uncle's hands when he had found out and then watched his uncle be arrested and put in prison. How he had been put on multiple 72-hour psych holds in the years following. Listening to it all was hard and made you want to curl up in a corner and sob. It was heartbreaking to listen to. Randy looked and sounded believable- like a victim himself who deserved empathy.  

Sonny turned in his seat to look at you. You were only able to maintain eye contact for only a few seconds. It had been long enough to see the understanding in his eyes. The almost audible clicking of all the puzzle pieces of your life that you dodged around or refused to talk about when you were together were finally coming together for him. You could also see the frustration at you not being honest with him and him being blindsided in open court. 

When recess was called until Monday you had to keep yourself from running out of the courthouse and instead force yourself to walk at a normal pace. You couldn’t face any of the SVU detectives that you were once close to. You hear your name called and your body freezes without your permission. A Staten Island accent thickened with emotion. “Why didn’t you tell me?” 

You can’t even turn back to look at him. You feel exhausted as you say. “You didn’t want to listen.” 

≪ °❈° ≫ 

You return to court four days later, and there is something strange brewing in the courtroom. You can feel it in the air. You can see it. There is no jury and the courtroom is empty. The rest happens in a blur. ADA Dominick Carisi stands up and tells the judge they had found further evidence over the weekend and they wanted to drop all charges, except for possession. They offered a deal on time served. You felt the tears rush down your face in disbelief. 

You find yourself in the hallway and a hand touches your shoulder from behind. You turn around to see Olivia Benson. “For what it is worth, I’m sorry.” Her face is sincere but all you could hear in your mind was the echoing of her words to you of his guilt and how it was normal to be in denial. It could take a while for your mind to be able to comprehend that someone you know, and love is capable of such malicious intent. “For all the trouble and for all this has cost you.” Even in your haze, you knew she wasn’t talking about the money you had put into Randy’s defense. “With his DNA in her apartment and on that blunt we really thought-” 

“Sharing weed with a woman doesn’t mean you're going to rape and kill her.” Your words are bitter and distant even to your own ears. 

“Of course not,” Olivia paused gathering her thoughts. 

“What happened? What did you guys find?”  

“Well, we went back over the timeline. We had a hard time believing Randy because when we interviewed him, he didn’t even know where he had been for most of the night.” You knew he had been hopped up on some pretty strong stuff that night.��“Do you know the cemetery a couple of blocks from where we arrested him?” You felt like a bolt of lightning had struck through you. You did in fact know it. It was where his older brother had been buried after he committed suicide at twenty. “There was a security camera there that had been installed because of some teenager destroying headstones. It shows Randy there hours before Mary Moore’s death to hours after it. He slept there all night actually.” 

You huff out a laugh. Thomas was Randy’s older brother by almost ten years. He, out of the three sons, had taken the worst of the abuse from their father. He had protected Randy and the youngest David until the moment he had ended it all, but it seemed even death couldn’t stop him from protecting his younger brother. 

You see Randy getting released, a bag of belongings in his hand and you start to head over to him completely forgetting that you had been in a conversation with the detective. You are only reminded when you hear her voice raise slightly as she says, “You know, Carisi is the one that started looking back at the timeline. He is the reason this case was dropped.” You freeze feeling something twist in your stomach. An emotion that you don’t want to deal with in this happy moment. 

“It doesn’t change anything.”  

You stride to Randy’s side and hug. You weren’t allowed to touch him when you were visiting him in lockup. He clings to you burying his face into your neck and you can feel the hot tears against your neck. “Thank you. Thank you so much for never giving up on me.” You hug him tighter feeling your own tears roll down your cheeks.  

≪ °❈° ≫ 

You were sitting back at the apartment curled up on the couch wrapped in a blanket as Randy was spending an ungodly amount of time in the bathroom. You smiled to yourself, just happy that he was home. Even if he was back to crashing on your couch. He joined on the couch, hair still wet from his shower. He leaned back into the cushions with a sigh. The two of you sat in silence processing all that had happened in the last four months.  

“I found a rehab program when I was locked up. It focuses on people with mental health issues like my bipolar. I called and they said they had a spot open for me. Someone ran out. Good luck, huh?” You laugh shaking your head.  

“Good to know you still have your positivity streak.” You lay back feeling absolutely exhausted. You had been having a fatigue that just wouldn’t go away. “I think it's a good idea though. It would be good for you to get that settled. Your being off and on your meds hasn't been helping. I just want you to be happy, and have a real chance at the life you deserve.”  

“Yeah, I know. I hope you know I appreciate everything you have done for me. Everything that you have had to sacrifice.” You say his name, but he cuts you off, “No, really Chickadee. All these years, you didn’t have to do any of it. Without you, I would have been dead or locked up three times over by now.” You reach out and start running your finger through his hair. “It’ll probably be good for you to have to space anyways.” 

“I don’t mind you sleeping on my couch.” You assure him. 

“I know, but with you being pregnant and all. I’m sure you-” 

“I’m sorry about me being what?” Randy doesn’t miss a beat. 

“Oh, come on Chickadee. I know you were trying not to make a big deal out of it because of everything that was going on but-” You shake your head at him, laughing. 

“Randy, I’m not pregnant.” The finality in your voice makes him turn his position to face you more fully. He quirks an eyebrow at you. 

“Are you sure about that?” His tone is one of disbelief as he eyes your form. You smack his shoulder saying his name loudly. “Well, I would check into that, anyhow. You know with the fatigue, upset stomach, morning sickness, and with how big those things have gotten.” He gestures to your breast with a wave of his hand.  

You look down at them and feel your mind starting to spiral as you try to think of the last time you had a period. You bite your thumb as you realize it was before the case had started. While it wasn’t uncommon for you to skip when you were stressed out, that was a considerable amount of time. “Alright, I’m kicking you out of my bed. I haven’t had a good night's sleep in almost four months.” Randy didn’t seem to notice your mind spinning. He thought that you were still just messing around with him. He had no idea the can of worms he had just opened in your head. 

You stood up numbly as he started making the couch his makeshift bed. Then flopping onto it with a content sigh. You say nothing as you go to grab your purse and head toward the drug store a block over.   

[azaharinflames]

I've been thinking a lot about Buck and Tommy, and honestly, my thoughts keep changing.

If this show weren’t led by Tim, I probably wouldn’t be so worried about Buck and Tommy. But since it is Tim’s show, I just don’t know.

I think the biggest problem for BuckTommy is actually Tim himself—he wants to attract the Bobs and make noise, and in doing so, he ends up writing these messy, half-baked storylines.

The reason so many of us truly believed Tommy was gone after 806 wasn’t just because of the exit interviews, but because we barely saw any development between Buck and Tommy outside of the episodes Tommy appeared in. He showed up in 801 and 805, both times with Eddie. Even then, I didn’t understand why Eddie kept getting inserted into scenes instead of focusing on Buck and Tommy’s dynamic.

After 806, I started to feel like maybe all of this—BuckTommy and even Bvddie—was just some strategic play by Tim to keep both sides hanging on. The couple’s story never really focused on just the couple. A third party was always involved. Then, they suddenly broke up for a pretty vague reason, and after that, Buck seemed totally unaffected—except for that one baking scene. It was like the breakup didn’t even happen. The whole thing felt choppy and disconnected, like the story was just patched together.

So I started wondering if they simply didn’t care about Buck and Tommy as a real couple, so they didn’t bother giving them a consistent storyline. Of course, the OS and Tim’s interviews didn’t help either.

Now, Tommy’s back in 811, and the story seems to be heading toward a reconciliation. But again, from 812 onward, Buck is acting like Tommy was never there.

Still, as many BuckTommy fans have pointed out—if their relationship was meant to be just a temporary thing, there would be no reason to bring Lou back. But they did bring him back. First with a scene clearly implying they had sex, then as part of a major two-part storyline that even included expensive helicopter scenes that didn’t really need to exist. And from what I’ve seen, there are hints that Tommy will appear again in the remaining episodes.

If the plan was just for them to break up, they could’ve just mentioned him briefly and moved on. But instead, we got a kiss, an implied sex scene—it reminded me of Tarlos, honestly—and those aren’t the kinds of moments you give to a couple that’s done for good. Even in 805, Tommy was caring for Buck without any physical affection. That brief hospital touch was apparently an ad-lib by Lou.

The way they shared a warm moment after sex, only for things to quickly turn cold and one person to leave—it really gave me rom-com vibes, like they broke up but will find their way back to each other. Plus, Tommy showed up in some recent BTS content, which is meaningful considering he’s not part of the 118.

So yeah, I’m not overly optimistic about BuckTommy, but I don’t think the door is completely closed either. My trust in Tim is pretty low, though.

At the end of the day, time will tell. I’m still really curious to see where this story goes. Of course, the best-case scenario would be Buck and Tommy getting back together—but as long as we get a satisfying storyline and a happy ending for Tommy, I don’t think I’ll be as angry as I was after 806.

Sorry if I rambled too much. I just really needed to talk to someone about all this. Thanks for listening.

No need to thank me, Nonnie. I'm happy to listen. Or, well, read.

Now, please know I think the way you are feeling is completely valid, and that I do see and agree with some of your points.

However, let me say this: I think that we, as a fandom, have let the negativity affect us too much, including our takes.

Again, this is not a dig at you. I know I have been too negative from time to time, and considering everything that's happened in the last year, I don't think it's that crazy for us to feel this way.

But still. I understand the doubt when it comes to Bucktommy, because at the end of the day, we don't know, and Lou is recurring, and we've been burned once already. I get that. And I'm not saying to forget about that, because it would be unwise. I'm still strictly on the team, have low expectations and low hope, because I'd rather be pleasantly surprised rather than disappointed, or heartbroken again.

And I don't want to talk in absolutes because again. We don't know. But, from an objective point of view? Just looking at what the show is telling us?

They are making an effort with BT they have never done with any other of Buck's LI (at this point, I don't think even Taylor was this intertwined in the story), they made sure to show just how well Tommy works with Buck and how he takes care for him (which is a change in Buck's life).

From 812 onward, it doesn't make sense if Tommy is mentioned. 812&813 were episodes where Buck was barely present (outside the firehouse), because other characters had the spotlight. Sure, it would've been nice to hear Tommy's name, but factually? They didn't need to bring him up. And them not throwing a casual oh yeah I called Tommy, is a good sign, because that means that they want to show their story on screen, because they deem it important enough to be shown.

I'm sorry for how long this is getting, but I have to say - i don't think the drama we had this season was as bad as we initially thought. It will be if they stay broken up, but id they don't? Yeah, it tells me something I already suspected: that Tim thought they got together too quick, too easy. That he wanted to give them drama because if you look at any of the established couples, all have drama that have either kept them apart, or almost separated them. He's not breaking them for the sake of breaking them; he's purposefully giving them depth and making them have an actual story, be a couple the audience can be engaged with and can be worried about. At the end of the day, that's what they want - to keep their audience engaged.

Also, as for Tim, I think he has many flaws as a showrunner. But I think sometimes we go a bit too far. He has a plan. We might dislike it at times, but he does. And I understand being scared, and I share the sentiment, but I think we tend to villanise him a bit too much (not you, Nonnie, just wanted to make this point).

Anyway. Sorry for the long answer lol. I hope it helped even if it was in the form of a rant.

[rebouks]

It's been a while since I read your story and sadly I come here today as a hater: I'm afraid you're not cooking with this romance storyline with Robin. Seeing him kiss Aster was the weirdest thing because he's the most asexual character I've seen in a while. You joked how people didn't believe Robin would get a smooch but it's still not believable, at least not to me. Sorry, but I'm not eating what you're serving. I hope you don't take this badly. But if you do, you have the right to kill me.

There's also something that gave me pause: the reveal that Penny cheated on Levi once and will likely do it again, and probably with Jacob since she has a crush on him.

I just can't see Jacob entertaining Penny. First, Jacob would never accept Levi's sloppy seconds. And second, I think Jacob has an arrogant side that would clash with Penny's attitude of thinking highly of herself. "I'm too good for you" is what I see coming from him regarding her. He's a womaniser but he has taste, and Penny is rotten to the bone like Victoria. And because they're teenagers, Jacob ridiculing Penny as an indirect jab towards Levi would be so realistically petty. There's nothing quite like hitting your enemies from all angles. I'm sure Bruno taught him that. And with Levi being such a doormat, it seems it'll take somebody else to put that girl in her place and knock her down a few pegs.

And Penny's reaction to being rejected for the first time would be a sight. It's what she deserves.

And speaking of Bruno, he must come back! Ivan and Francesca are cute I guess but Brivan is still the 5-star dish and I like the spice Bruno brings to your story. Imagine if Francesca's crazy ex turns out to be an actual problem and Ivan had the bright idea of hitting up Bruno when he realised he couldn't handle the guy? "We split because I wanted to return to this life and you didn't, but now you come here asking the mafia to get involved in your life again so we can help you sort out a guy...? You've lost your mind. You and your woman just need to go to the police like everyone else with an abusive partner. Now get out." but then think twice when he meets the guy in question when he contacts Bruno's family to buy an illegal firearm from them, babbling how he's going to "fix" his ex's new boyfriend and get her and his son back. Initially, he'd be hurt Ivan only sought him for the sake of his new girlfriend, but Bruno will be damned if anything happened to the man who owns his heart and their little daughter. And we know he doesn't mind getting his hands dirty, huh? :3c

Hmmmm maybe you're not wrong to refuse what I'm serving! Maybe it was made in a shitty diner by a jaded cook who didn't wash their hands and thought rat droppings were sprinkles?? FFFFFFF.. no but I get it, Robin and Levi's plan kinda sucked from the get go and him kissing Aster like that was pretty uncharacteristic.. but alas he is a teenage boy with bad decision making skills and false bravado from his little gift, so here we are.

I will say that he's definitely not asexual tho and if I have, I didn't mean to give off that vibe for him.. believe me, most of these teens, including Robin, are thinking and (sometimes) acting on thoughts right now, wink wonk (hell, I know I was at that age) but it's not something I particularly feel like being too graphic about since they're still teens y'know? I've mostly just implied or alluded to such things when necessary, so my bad if that's not coming off too well, but rather that than be too crass.

I may have joked about Penny cheating on Levi with Jacob, and she definitely would if given the chance, but I think you're right that Jacob wouldn't be interested in her, she's far too high maintenance for him and he'd totally be against the idea of touching Levi's seconds like.. no thx! 🫣 I would love to see her try and get shot down for sure tho, that'd be hilarious!! Someone needs to take her down a peg or two one day! Part of me hopes it IS Levi who does so, but we'll have to see.

Hmmm hmmm hm.. Bruno! As much as I still love Brivan I don't think there's even a slight chance Ivan would ever go to him for help, especially since he went back to that life, even if he thought it'd help. He's so against everything it stands for.. it almost took his life, Oscar's in a roundabout way, Cookie's?! and it DID suck Bruno back in, he's waaay too stubborn and proud as well like, Bruno fucking left him for THAT? Are you kidding??? Fuck crawling back to him for ANYTHING, nope. he'd never! Now, that's not to say Bruno wouldn't jump in without Ivan's permission but (and I'll let you off for this cos we don't know Lee too well) he's way too much of a coward to take matters into his own hands like that. He's just not dealing with losing Frankie/Sawyer in a very healthy way, hence the bullshit spewing from his mouth. He's probably asleep on the job or some shit atm, not buying firearms from Kaden n' co. in Oasis Springs, however exciting that may be.

All that being said, I hope you still like the direction I go with all these threads, because they ARE all going somewhere. We're just dealing with people who don't always make the best decisions at the end of the day and that's what makes this stuff interesting to me! We don't always have to like the path or the choices these guys make but hopefully they all learn something along the way! Or not, I guess? That's also fun sometimes lmao 🤸‍♀️

[iwoulddieforher]

Here’s an ask! (For Casey x Alex obviously lol)

You’ve mentioned a couple times Casey tends to be self deprecating. How does Alex support her?

When/how does Alex realize Casey uses the batting cages/gym as an outlet (and takes it too far sometimes)? How does she handle it?

Oh! And while I’m on firsts! How about the first time Alex sees Casey in one of her shirts that say Cabot? (Loved the stealing clothes stuff btw!)

Thank you so much for the ask <333 I LOVE ASKS I LOVE TALKING GRAAHHHHH

This got hella long!!! Warnings for discussion of self harm, self hatred, blah blah blah and also implied sex below.

Have this picture of upset Casey (fittingly for what I ramble borderline incoherently about here) so the reply doesn't seem so short above the divider

It's always difficult for me to write more comforting interactions between the two, because as much as it feels natural to make them comfort each other to a really high degree, I want to keep the characterization provided by the show as closely as possible and thus despite my intrinsic urge to project the way I personally as an author want someone to treat me if I was in the high-stress scenario these two find themselves in, the reality of it is overt comforting probably would not work well on either of them. They're both strong, independent and emotionally resilient women- and the flaws they have oftentimes probably could not be directly addressed or they'd just withdraw and become defensive.

Thus, since Casey slips self-loathing comments into casual conversations, it always comes off more as a wry joke, and that's why other people such an Olivia or Elliot just assume she's poking fun at herself or venting frustration. Alex, too, initially perceives similar, but then she starts registering Casey's 'tells'. The way her hand flexes as though she wants to bite the fingernail on her thumb and has to consciously hold herself back from doing so, the way she refuses to make eye contact with anyone and if she is forcing herself to do so anyway her gaze is very blank because she's not actually looking, the angle of her shoulders and collarbones in relation to her spine- stupidly specific, intricately tiny things in Casey's body language that show, no, she's actually really stressed. When the correlation between these minor actions and Casey's comments jumping to a more frequent pattern emerges, Alex realizes this is actually an issue and although Casey conceals it by jesting she's being dead serious, she does believe she's unworthy of what she has or incapable or whatever else negative Casey believes about herself.

Since noticing it at all used such attention to detail and the actions are so minor they're unexplainable, Alex realizes that if she approached this issue head-on Casey would probably do a wonderful job at gaslighting her into believing she was making up problems, so she doesn't. Instead, she simply begins peppering praise and reassurance throughout daily interactions, enough that Casey realized it had increased but not much that she'd grow suspicious. Little things, like staring at Casey's figure for a little bit extra long so Casey would notice Alex was admiring, making sure to smile down at the legal notes Casey had asked her to review so when Casey studied her face intently while Alex read she'd know Alex was beyond proud of her, or just straight on whispering compliments into Casey's hair when they passed eachother in hallways.

Eventually, she did see Casey's deprecating comments decrease, and instead when Casey was stressed she subconsciously sought out Alex because she knew she'd find gentle praise and reassurance from her when Casey felt as though she was lacking.

I think your second ask is somewhat asking for a continuation of Softball to the Ribs (Kiss it), so I'll just talk about the storyline I would've written had I decided to make a next part (which I won't, all my fics exist solely as one-shots);; Alex finds out because Casey did tell her in the bathroom that it was a softball, she just didn't know the details of how the injury occurred. I think Casey would never tell her, Alex would find out from something like Life360/Find my Phone since it would make sense to me that at some point they start sharing locations due to the nature of their job. Casey vanishes for random hours at a time when she's grappling with heavy caseloads and Alex checks it to find her location as being at the batting cages. The first time she sees it she does nothing, she just makes sure a warm bath is already all set up for her when she comes home and drops by an Apotheke (what the hell is Apotheke in English????? nOt my language) to pick up muscle rub and then pretends she's initiating sex as an excuse to massage it into her. Casey is nonethewiser.

Eventually, though, when Casey has been gone too long or it's happened back to back on multiple days, Alex goes to the batting cages and sort of just sits in the corner with her legal notepad and despite being uncomfortable in the weird sporty setting proceeds to try to work there. Her presence is grounding for Casey and it makes her want to push herself less because she doesn't want Alex to watch her get hurt- and when Alex gets bored of faux scribbling random shit she just starts being the one who controls the batting cage so she can press the button to stop it if she thinks it's going too far.

Self-harm is a very difficult issue and I wrote Casey to be using exercise dependence as a means to do it, and I have a concern with many fics in which a character's romance causes them to suddenly lose interest in what is a destructive coping method, and I think at least in my experience that's unrealistic. Self harm is wildly addictive and Casey is dependant on this to make her feel as though she's coping with stress she otherwise can't, and although Alex would obviously love to step in and pull that feeling out of her, that's just... not how life works, most of the time. If it was something like cutting or burning one self, obviously that's an entirely different story, but where the line between healthy exercise and an overt dependence that leads to self destruction ... that's hard to differentiate at times. What athlete hasn't accidentally gotten injured? The same story could exist in which Casey uses exercise as a healthy method to deal with stress (literally in the show that's what it is.) and the whole thing happened by genuine accident if it wasn't for the fact Casey simultaneously wasn't eating. If her ribs weren't visible in that fic Alex probably wouldn't have known something was seriously wrong. But I wrote Casey as intentionally putting herself in positions in which the risk for it is very high, and not caring for herself after- but how could Alex read Casey's internal dialogue and draw the line somewhere? It's complicated.

Alex focuses, then, on fostering a nurturing, loving environment and accepting every part of Casey as she is.

She can't directly stop Casey from participating in sports but she does ensure Casey eats and sleeps to a healthy degree and if she realizes something like Casey skipping meals more than is normal for people with inconsistent work schedules she'll do something to make sure Casey gets the care she needs.

Eventually, through this environment and Alex's comfort, Casey can build the emotional skill set required to cope with stress adequately - that's the ultimate goal, because even if Alex did somehow twist exercise out of her grasp, there's always the possibility something in their relationship would break and Casey would fall straight back into it. Alex is smart enough to avoid that possibility.

Finally, the first time Alex realized Casey was wearing something of her's was one of the first times the accidental swapping of blazers occurred that I described in the other post. Alex had stopped by Casey's office with food during a lunch break and while they ate Casey extended her arm to reach for something, and Alex realized her name was on the sleeve. Cabot suddenly becomes very bothered and jumps Casey's bones the second they're somewhere more private because holy shit does the idea of Casey being her's and similarly labeled do something for her.

[floofiestboy]

I've asked 2 other users this and I wanna ask ur opinion this time :D

Other than the childhood friends to lovers trope, what other tropes could gosho use? Cause I realized that the childhood friends to lovers trope is everywhere and I wanna hear ur thoughts on it.

Apologies for the late reply!

I think Aoyama has already made use of some better plots when it comes to his romance. Sato/Takagi is slow burn coworker romance. Shuukichi/Yumi is a meet-cute with secret identities.

In all honesty, I don’t think he needs to use cliché tropes. Imagine if Kobayashi/Shiratori was instead Shiratori being charmed by something Kobayashi does and finding himself slowly moving on from Sato. I still wouldn’t really be into it since I don’t care about either of them. But it wouldn’t be a trashfire that implies that Shiratori doesn’t care about who Kobayashi is today- if he found out a different woman were his “childhood friend”, he would drop Kobayashi like a hot potato.

My main issue with the childhood friends trope is when I feel if the characters lost their memories of each other and met today, they wouldn’t become friends. Many of Aoyama’s childhood friends fall into that camp for me- where they seem to only “love” each other because they happen to have met as kids, regardless of who they are as people today.

Negative thoughts about Aoyama’s childhood friends ships under the cut:

Take say, Hattori and Kazuha. Hattori likes Kazuha because she… dressed up in a kimono and makeup as a little kid and looked really cute? Okay. No wonder Hattori never prioritizes Kazuha over literally anything else in his life, he has no real reason to love her. Would he even like spending time with her if his parents hadn’t forced it since he was little?

I think that’s why I still like Yui/Kansuke (and for non-canon, Hagiwara/Matsuda). They both feel like pairs who would get along even if they weren’t childhood friends.

I can’t think of a single thing Hattori would say if asked if he likes Kazuha. He’d probably go, “I don’t know, I just like her!” That’s a death knell for a ship, in my opinion.

It doesn’t help that Aoyama has stretched himself way too thin with too many characters and too many ships. No wonder most of his canon ships are badly written when he wants to write dozens of them. I argue that a big reason why we all like satotaka is that he let them develop their relationship further off-screen, which he doesn’t do with a lot of ships- meaning they’re stuck with whatever scraps of screentime they can get.

Of course, it also doesn’t help that he just doesn’t seem to care about some of these characters outside of their ship. Not to bring up Kazuha again, but I’m not over how when asked “What hobbies does Kazuha have?”, Aoyama went, “Cooking [like other girls], I guess?” She’s a love interest first and character second to him. And that too is unappealing.

I argue that Momiji and Kazuha’s karuta rivalry in M21, despite being centred around a boy, was still far more compelling than anything we got in canon for Hattori/Kazuha. And it’s probably not a coincidence that this was a storyline not written by Aoyama.

In sum: the problem isn’t childhood friends, despite me not personally liking the trope.

The problem is bad writing.

[ananke-xiii]

Can’t Heaven Wait?!

After “Beat the Devil” and “Form and Void” it’s time for a new movie in SPN, eheheh.

I’ve only watched one of the two movies titled “Heaven Can Wait” so I shouldn’t say what I’m about to say but, if it’s correct, I think it was very cool to use “Heaven Can Wait (1943) for the Crowley’s storyline in “Heaven Can’t Wait” (s9e9, I think) AND the other “Heaven Can Wait” (1978) for Cas’.

From what Wikipedia tells me the first movie is about a man who needs to prove to be “worthy” of entering Hell after his death and I think it could be a match with Crowley being placed on “hold” (literally) by Hell when he tries to connect with “his” dimension as its King. By the end of the episode we also see that his addiction to “humanity” is still going on strong so the question seems legit: does Crowley still belong with Hell or… does he belong with humanity?

The same question is valid for Cas but, of course, it’s about Heaven and humanity. Ephraim, the Rit Zien angel, even explicitly says so during his confrontation with “Castiel, the legend”. After watching the 1978 movie (they’re not two different versions of the same movie, they’re two different movies with the same title) I must admit that this specific take on angels, i.e. angels making mistakes because they’re unaccustomed to how humans deal with pain, was quite inventive.

To be honest, I watched this movie first and not the other (but I plan to!) because I’ve been thinking quite a lot about how the entrenched and ancient idea that body and soul are separated is portrayed in media. Even movies that I’ve profoundly, profoundly enjoyed like “Soul”(2020) resort to the same concept: a different soul can “inhabit” a dead body and give it “life” or it can even inhabit a living cat (thus implying that cats don’t have souls)! I’m not going to bore you now with my private speculations about the subject, but you can’t deny that this theme is veeeery prominent in Supernatural. So of course I thought about it in relation to the show as well.

After watching the movie I had some thoughts and I want to share them with you. They’re going to be about three main topics so here’s a little bullet point for you. If you’re interested more is under the cut!

(a)Angels/Heaven making mistakes vs fairness, probability and responsibility;

(b)How to choose a body: some problems;

(c)Good stories are ultimately interesting because… it’s always about Love, folks. And this time? Yeah, it’s romantic love, baby, buckle up.

(a) In “Heaven Can Wait” (1978) Joe is a football athlete who’s just recovered from a knee injury. He’s a quarterback for the LA RAMS and he’s “looking awful good”: his coach thinks he’s ready to play for the Super Bowl match. It’s his birthday when he finally receives the good news: he’s back in the game! Unfortunately, right after that he dies while riding his bicycle. Life sucks.

Joe finds himself in a “way station”, a sort of limbo before his “final destination”. Funnily enough, this ultra-dimensional space is the same as his “inward” dimension: he’s a man who feels stuck, like he’ll never get his chance in life “to do something”. So he does what everyone would do: he doesn’t accept to go to his “final destination” and wants OUT. The angel who’s accompanying him, a character named “The Escort”, tells him that those are the rules and any violation is impossible. And yet, Joe is still rebelling.  So here comes The Escort’s superior, Mr Jordan, who tries to solve the little problem they find themselves in.

The Escort tells Joe that he’s not being “a good sport” and that it’s not fair for the other souls to get stuck there because he doesn't want to go. Joe doesn’t fall for the extortion and says the following:

“I’m not supposed to be fair. If this is really Heaven, Heaven is supposed to be fair. I didn’t make a mistake”.

As it turns out, Joe IS right. The Escort has made a huge tiny mistake: since it was his first time on this assignment he thought to “spare” Joe a painful death and so he took him to the “way station” a few instants before his death. Mr Jordan then reminds the angel that he cannot do that because everything is based on “probability and outcome”: life cannot be taken before the moment of death because things can change at the very last millisecond.

So if you’ve watched the SPN episode you have already guessed who’s who: Joe is clearly Castiel and the Escort is Ephraim the Rit Zien. Now, of course this isn’t a 1:1 thing but we can still see some very, very close similarities and the different interpretations of the same theme. On the one hand we have Cas who’s working in a gas station which, like Joe’s way station, is a temporary place for him because he doesn’t belong there (or does he?); Cas is the legend, the quarterback who keeps standing up after each… Fall; but, like Joe, Cas is also someone who feels stuck, who feels like he still has to “do something” with his life, outwardly people see Cas as a RAM ready for battle, ready to prove himself but inwardly he’s also hurt, afraid and lost.

On the other hand we have The Escort and Ephraim: like the first, the Rit Zien wanted to spare Joe/humans the pain that he knew would come; both, however, make a mistake in assessing what constitutes pain for humans, how humans deal with pain and even whether humans have the right to feel (emotional) pain or not. Unlike The Escort, Ephraim doesn’t (want to) realize that he’s been making mistake after mistake: what he’s doing is unfair. As a matter of fact, Heaven is being unfair killing and scamming people to get into their bodies.

If Joe didn’t make a mistake but Heaven did, then it means that Cas, too, didn’t make a mistake but Heaven sure did. Or not? The episode is titled “Heaven Can’t Wait” so I have to assume that Berens wanted to say something similar in themes but different in its… outcome.

You see, Cas is called “responsible” by Nora, his employer, in this episode but in the positive sense of the word. He calls himself “responsible” for the his job-related tasks. But he’s also responsible for the angels falling on Earth. He IS responsible for those angels who are unable to reach their “final destination”. Unlike Joe, he did make a mistake. Unlike Joe, it’s fair for him to stay in his “way/gas station”. Or… perhaps… not?

Right before seeing Dean Cas is giving a lotto ticket to a customer. Lottery is based on probability and outcome… just like the Heaven in “Heaven Can Wait”. The theme of responsibility gets rather difficult to navigate now: yes, Cas is responsible or, perhaps, accountable for the Fall fiasco but where does it end? Is he responsible for Ephraim? For Gadreel/Ezekiel? For Metatron? I think these questions are very pertinent to Dean as well: yes, he called the angels in the first place but is he responsible for Kevin’s death? What I’m trying to say here is that Cas and Dean share a similar story about mistakes&responsibility that seems… unending. They set off a chain of events and now everything is their responsibility and… is it fair? Or is it probability and outcome? When does one’s responsibility end, especially if one has been scammed and preyed upon?

I think the episode ends on a bitter note: perhaps Cas is not responsible for Ephraim’s killing spree but he feels responsible and this changes everything because, under this light, responsibility confuses itself with sense of guilt. In the movie Joe doesn’t feel guilty that he doesn’t act like “a good sport” because he doesn’t feel responsible for the other souls’ fate. The mistake is not on him, he wants OUT.

(b) So Joe, Mr Jordan and The Escort go back to Earth but.. Joe’s body has been cremated. Adieu. What to do? Well, Joe wants to “get back” into his body, he wants his body back but this is not possible anymore. Mind you, Joe is an athlete who’s worked hard to get back in shape so the body dilemma has another layer to it. The problem is that the ONLY way to get back to Life is via the body of… another man.

So we see Joe and the angels looking for the “appropriate” body and Joe is never happy with that he’s presented with to the point that Mr Jordan tells him to “broaden” his standards. Eventually they land on the body of an old, extra-wealthy man who’s been just murdered by his wife and her lover. Why did Joe choose this body? The reason has to do with his sense of justice and with… Love so I’ll talk about it in my third point.

The “choice of body” problem is relevant to SPN as well because S9 is very much about angels coercing their way into finding vessels that are “strong” enough to hold them in. Ephraim’s vessel was a “Bobby Boylist”, one of those people who were lured by that fraud who, in turn, was used by Bartholomew and his crew. However, as we know, even if these people consent to possession not all bodies are good for angels. Castiel himself was hunted down by some angels who wanted to get their hands on his powerful vessel. So, you see, this “recherche du corps perdu”, this search for a body that’s able, for lack of a better word, to contain an angel raises quite a few ethical questions.

Related to those questions are the other ethical questions that actions like those of Ephraim raise. In angel’s morality it is deemed compassionate to be smitten to particles when an angel is in great distress. The Escort from the movie would agree: he did “kill” Joe before his time to spare him a painful death. But angels don’t actually have bodies anyway so what these Rit Zien do is also reducing to ultra-ashes the angels’ vessels. Or does grace feel pain as well? I don’t know and the episode doesn’t really go there. It also doesn’t really go into exploring euthanasia because human morality is not so black and white, clear-cut when it comes to this theme. But the episode doesn’t go to this extreme because we clearly see that the people that Ephraim target don’t actually want to die or they changed their mind at the very last… millisecond. The stress here is not so much on physical pain but on emotional, internal suffering. A distinction that angels fail to comprehend because, perhaps, they don’t have a body and a soul? Like Cas says, it takes time for angels to understand humans because the two do not live according to the same “rules”.

While the movie treats the “let’s choose a body to inhabit” theme lightly in accordance with its comedic genre, it also makes a very specific choice: we the viewers don’t see Joe into his “new” body because we still see the same actor, Warren Beatty, playing the same role. The thing is that, while inwardly Joe hasn’t changed, outwardly he looks like another person. However, the other characters see this other person but the viewers don’t, we see the same actor. In other words, what the viewers see is not the in-universe reality because we see Joe in his “inward” side rather than the outward one.

While the responsibility/probability dilemma draws Cas close to Dean, the inward/outward dilemma draws Cas close to Sam because they are both coveted vessels (Dean has a different storyline re: being the recipient of a bigger power that shares similarities with Cas and Sam’s but it’s nevertheless different because it’s not about angels). While Cas manages to escape the angels that want to use him as vessel, he eventually becomes the new vessel for one of his brothers' grace which he cannibalizes. On the other hand, Sam gets possessed by Gadreel via quite an elaborate ploy. When Dean prays the angels to help him,  Gadreel/Ezekiel comes to help him for sure but he has his own agenda as well: the Winchesters are renowned powerful vessels, perhaps the most powerful ones. Specifically Sam Winchester is the one, true, perfect, “consenting” vessel whose body is, sadly, being predestined to be used as such. Sam’s body is therefore able to contain any angel. The show also plays with this dichotomy using different techniques: the same actor plays two different roles, two actors play two different roles, we see Sam’s “inward” life when Crowley possesses him to tell him about Gadreel/Ezekiel or when Dean/Ezekiel/Gadreel “convinces” him to hold onto Life.

Sam, however, is also connected to the second set of ethical questions that I’ve talked about and that are very related to the Rit Zien too. Did Sam really want Dean to “pull the plug”? If yes, was Dean “right” to go against his wishes? If not, was it still fair for Ezekiel/Gadreel to scam both brothers even if it meant that Sam got to live? I could go on because these are VERY big questions and everybody has their own answers to them. But let me point out to you that we’re back to the probability vs outcome theme: if Ephraim had felt Dean’s pain and had showed up at Sam’s hospital the show would’ve been over, lol. One thing is sure, though, not all angels seem to be as obtuse as Ephraim when it comes to pain because there are quite a few of them that understand the centrality of Love in humans’ life. Some of these angels abuse their knowledge for their own personal gain.

(c) Love, let’s talk about love. One thing that I’ve purposefully omitted is that “Heaven Can Wait” is a romantic comedy which is a remake of a movie titled “Here Comes Mr Jordan” which is ALSO a romantic comedy. There is no escape folks, whether you like it or not the romance is not in the eye of the beholders but it’s in the script. It’s ingrained in the writer’s original idea, it’s in the movie the episode is inspired to. To paraphrase Chappell Roan: it’s in the source material’s source material. So I gotta talk about Love.

Earlier I said that Joe chooses Mr Farnsworth’s body for two reasons: his sense of justice and romantic interest. I’ve also said that Joe didn’t think he should be fair because Heaven should, but that doesn’t mean that he doesn’t have an internal sense of justice. When Joe and Mr Jordan arrive at Mr Farnsworth’s house and Joe learns that the man is about to die, he does all he can to save him but unfortunately nobody can see him. At the same time, he virtually (because she can’t see him yet) meets Betty Logan, an environmental activist who happened to be in the mansion to seek a visit with Mr Farnsworth and ask him to stop building a refinery in England. Joe decides to inhabit the old man’s body because he wants to put an end to the man’s environmentally disastrous choices and because… well, he falls a little bit in love with Betty.

As the movie goes on the two grow fonder and fonder of each other until they even go on a little date and fall in love there. It’s a car scene and I’m gonna leave these screenshots for you and then I ask you to tell me if they’re familiar:

Eventually Joe asks Betty to marry him but it’s important to remember that Betty doesn’t fall for the young, handsome man that we see, not even for the old, rich man but for the “inward” man that we also see behind the body: she sees right through him, she encourages him to pursue his passion, she tells him that he can do anything he wants to because he’s not afraid of anything. To which Joe tells her that he’s only afraid of losing her, afraid of being unable to be with her.

The movie ends a bit weirdly in my opinion but it does have a happy ending, love-wise: Betty and Joe get together for a cup of coffee. Now you can already guess that, as I’ve said, since the episode is titled “Heaven Can’t Wait” our story won’t end well. But that doesn’t mean that there’s no love, heheh.

Who could Betty possibly be in “Heaven Can’t Wait” I ask myself. Who, who, who? Well, of course it’s Dean. Since Berens played with opposites, it’s Cas/Joe who calls Dean/Betty rather than Dean/Betty going to Cas/Joe. While in the movie it’s Cas/Joe who takes Dean/Betty to places, in this episode it’s the opposite since Cas depends on Dean to move around. If, in the movie, Joe is a humble man (athletes are not portrayed as superstars in this movie) who’s “playing the part” of a super wealthy man, Cas is a former powerful entity who’s “playing the part” of a human worker. Both Dean and Betty, however, can see “inward” Cas and Joe and while the first sadly leaves him the second goes get her coffee with him.

Again, it’s not a perfect 1:1 scenario (and, I mean, of course it’s not and couldn’t actually be so) but the romance aspect is still there. Like Betty is proud of Joe and thinks he can do whatever he puts his mind to, Dean shows a similar attitude towards Cas as he believes he can be a hunter, that he can and should lead a human life, go on dates, go to work etc. Like Betty Dean also sees the “inward” Cas, the Cas who’s not the ram ready for battle but someone who’s scared. Unlike Betty, he cannot do anything to help him BUT take his burden and try to solve the angels debacle alone with Sam.

In conclusion, say what you want about this episode (some things are a bit weird frankly, like Nora, lol) but I personally can’t deny that, once you watch the movie it’s based from, it’s a pretty cool episode!

[lonelier-version-of-you]

I feel like Dylan's autism diagnosis storyline is the perfect example of what Casualty's idea of "being progressive" seems to be lately.

Which is to say: it's taking a subject (Dylan's autism) that the show has already covered before and covered well, and ignoring the fact it had been covered before like "Oh, look at this New and Groundbreaking topic Casualty has never covered before (except all the times it did!)".

Dylan has been canonically autistic since 2011, and he was getting along fine as a canonically autistic character until Casualty suddenly retconned practically all of his character development - because a lot of that development was built on him being autistic and knowing it - just for a weirdly handled "Dylan finds out he's autistic" storyline.

Dylan has been well aware he's autistic since before work at Holby was even a twinkle in his eye! He's made clear statements on it himself (not to mention that Sam obviously knew - how could she know if Dylan didn't? Am I meant to believe she time travelled to 2024 to see Dylan get diagnosed?!). I'd even go so far as to say the show implied Dylan was into disability activism, considering things like terminology he used, his repeatedly forming friendships with other disabled people, his general tendency to be the most passionate character about disability rights, etc... and all of that goes back to long before his OCD diagnosis, so it can't be explained with "well he knew he was neurodivergent, just not that he was autistic" either.

Of course, I don't have a problem with the idea of a "finding out you're autistic in adulthood" storyline. It would have been great for Henrik or Eli or Ruby. It's an important story to tell. Dylan would have had his own realisation in adulthood... just the part of it before Holby.

I don't even mind a story about Dylan getting an autism diagnosis. I can't think of anything that wouldn't work with a "Dylan has assumed he's autistic since the 2000s, but never got officially diagnosed until now" setup. What I have a problem with is rewriting history just to do a "this is how Dylan realises he's autistic" story.

It's made all the more annoying by the fact that Casualty just recently had a character who would have worked really well for an adulthood autism realisation story: Sah! It would make so much sense for Sah to be autistic, and be sadly realistic for it to have gone unrecognised because of them being nonbinary. Why not give the story to Sah instead?

It's such a shame: what a waste of Dylan's characterisation and of the great idea of an adulthood autism realisation storyline.

[sometimesraven]

I would like to mention I don’t give a fuck about canon. There’s no such thing in this show. What I care about is respect.

I saw someone say that this move by RTD cements Ten as one of the “best doctors” and that it’s a huge show of respect to Tennant.

But that is so disrespectful to the other Doctors?? That point exemplifies exactly what’s wrong with it in my opinion.

Yes, the episode paid lip service to the 15 years of writing since RTD and Ten left and a little more lip service to the eras before.

Yes, the idea was that an entire regeneration cycle has ended and been given closure, hell I’m even willing to headcanon that this happens to the Timeless Child after every cycle as a way to cleanse the trauma or something idk. I don’t care about the bigeneration, it literally means nothing to me as a concept.

But.

He chose Ten’s face; he explicitly chose the face of one particular Doctor (the Doctor HE WROTE and gave the least graceful regeneration) rather than just giving this storyline to the current Doctor as a way to pass the torch and acknowledge the sheer amount of pain and growth the Doctor has been through. By specifically choosing to go back to the most marketable Doctor between two of the hardest to market Doctors (due to bigotry and the fear of change that HE CONTRIBUTED TO FIFTEEN YEARS AGO), RTD has implied that Ten deserved more time and more closure than any other Doctor.

He’s undercut Ncuti’s debut for some fanwank over his own literally dead creation. He’s disrespected everything that regeneration has come to represent. That is why I have a problem with it, not because it “breaks canon”. Fuck, I was even warming up to the Timeless Child idea because whatever, who cares, it is what it is.

Literally, if the 60th had followed the same storyline but with Jodie instead I would accept it. I might even love it. I still wouldn’t particularly feel the anniversary vibes but I have no problem with the episodes in theory, but the decision to make it Ten feels cowardly at best, almost malicious at worst. I don’t think it was actually malicious, don’t get me wrong. I don’t think RTD thinks ahead enough for that and I think he genuinely loves what he does. But intention and impact are very different things and RTD does not adequately consider the impact of his actions as a writer in my opinion.

I just. Y’all were down Moffat’s throat every time he seemed even slightly self congratulatory but this is what y’all allow? Arigh’ then

[butterflydm]

Minor WoT Odds & Ends, with some s3 speculation

None of this is really big enough for a post of its own, so I'm just posting a few thoughts

Another Rand & Egwene parallel this season just came to mind:

In 2x3, Logain demands wine before he'll teach Rand anything and Rand goes out of his way to get him the wine he asks for, only to have Logain pour it out and waste it, because it was never about the wine but about seeing what he could get Rand to do for him.

In 2x6, Renna demands that Egwene pour her a glass of water, and after Egwene breaks enough that she's able to do it without picturing herself hitting Renna with the pitcher, Renna pours out the water on the floor and wastes it, because it was never about the water but about what she could force Egwene to do.

And we have the purity of water (saidar) vs a pleasant intoxicant in wine, something that damages the body but makes the person who drinks it feel good (corrupted saidin).

...

Also, a note about Nynaeve not healing Rand in 2x8:

“Moiraine says Nynaeve must have done something, or you wouldn’t have lived till we carried you to Verin, but Nynaeve says she was too frightened to light a candle. There is . . . something wrong with your wound. You will have to wait for it to heal naturally.” (from The Great Hunt)

It's clear that the show was leaning on that part of Nynaeve's issue when she was in Falme, imo. Because her block needs to be a problem so that she has a very strong reason to want to break it.

...

re: Lan Investigating Moiraine's stilling issue, the Amrylin that Verin wanted to look up a passage about was Tetsuan, an Amyrlin from the Red Ajah and one who was stripped of her stole and stilled -- might have ended up being part of Lan's investigations into stilling, since he did note Tower records, and it seems like the journey he went on was:

2x1: Tifan's Well (in Arafel) with Moiraine, Verin, Adealas, & Tomas

2x2: Traveling south with Moiraine & co, and then handed off to Alanna & co

2x3-2x4: hanging with Alanna, Ihvon, & Maksim at her family's place, which is in Arafel but sounds closer to Tar Valon

2x5: confrontation with Alanna & her Warders on the road to Tar Valon

2x6: meeting up with Siuan on the road; at first I assumed that they went back to the White Tower before going to Cairhien but Liandrin states in this episode that they were 'called' to Cairhien to meet up with Siuan, which implies to me that Siuan and Lan DIDN'T go back to the Tower first

Which makes me think about Verin, doing investigations in the Tower about the Black Ajah, sure, but she was also investigating at least one person in history who had been stilled. Did she sneak some Tower records to Lan? From 2x7, we know that he's the one who basically hooked Verin and Alanna both in on the plan (Alanna and her Warders are talking about how Lan has said that Verin can be trusted).

2x7: completes his investigation when he speaks with Logain & confirms the weave on Moiraine

...

And then there was an official Amazon press release back on the 15th, which did confirm that part of The Fires of Heaven will be covered in s3, which... I'm still leaning towards that being the doorway encounter. "[at NYCC] Judkins revealed that Season Three of The Wheel of Time will focus primarily on the storylines from Book Four, with elements of Book Five".

But Rand & Aviendha's romance also seems likely to be one of the elements from book 5 that's brought forward into s3 (if Lanfear is going to crack at the end of s3 over the idea of Rand loving someone else, then Rand/Avi would kinda need to be somewhat accelerated). If they still want to start Aviendha off as somewhat resentful/wary of Rand, they might tie it into the fact that he had Moiraine lie to everyone about him being dead (so she's offended on Perrin's behalf, essentially, instead of on Elayne's) and it takes him proving that he's going to do his duty to the Aiel people that makes her soften towards him.

I'm feeling pretty good about my early speculation of 3x3 being Rhuidean, because of the casting of Maigran being for director Thomas Knapper, who is filming/filmed 3x3 & 3x4, so it'll definitely be either 3 or 4. Rafe also talked about how Rand & Perrin are going to have 'focus' episodes in s3, like how Nynaeve had 2x3 and Egwene had 2x6.

My guess is that Mat would get that kind of focus episode in s4 (probably the formation of the Band of the Red Hand); and maybe Elayne would get one in s4 as well, which would have meant all six of our main younger cast would have gotten a big focus episode by the end of s4.

I do think/hope that it's very unlikely that we won't get s4, but I'm definitely hoping that we get all 8 seasons that Rafe wants. But I can see a path to finishing the show in s5 and still hitting all the main beats (won't go into details here for spoiler reasons! but they've set up a lot of the foreshadowing and puzzle pieces that they would need), as long as Rafe knows going into the final season that it's the last one.

The big wildcard for me right now is Rand/Elayne. Their introduction felt very much like a promise that their romance is 100% happening*, but they are also destined to have separated storylines for most of s3 (and if they follow the books, the entirety of s4 (!), though I feel like it would be very easy for them to let Elayne be part of Rand's storyline that season because her plotline in TFoH is literally just wandering the continent in a sidequest while Nynaeve tries to remember a word; it's a fun sidequest but 100% a sidequest).

So my most generous to Rand & Elayne's development outline for s3 would be:

episodes 1&2 are in Falme for Rand's group, and our team isn't going to Caemlyn at all (Caemlyn is reserved for introducing Elaida & co to the audience, in this case). Episode 1 would be Rand & Egwene's final breakup, and then episode 2 would be Elayne having sparks with Rand (and maybe also Aviendha?) but nothing solidly romantic happening. Just some ~vibes~.

episodes 3-6 feature them being separated into their own plotlines, with Elayne and Nynaeve staying behind on the west coast while everyone else goes east (through the Ways?). Rand and Aviendha grow closer together while Rand deals with his stalker ex-girlfriend (Lanfear) who keeps bringing him gifts (Asmodean).

episodes 7&8 has Elayne & Nynaeve rejoining Rand's group (which also would give Nynaeve & Lan more time together, which Daniel has implied that we'll get -- he said in that one s3 teaser interview that the show would be going further along in the relationship than the books had at this point and if that's the case, then a lot needs to happen in s3), in Tear or maybe in Cairhien. And that would be half the season of Elayne and Rand getting to be in the same place. If they get to spend half the season together, that does give considerable time for relationship growth, especially with that separation in the middle to give them time to miss each other.

If in Perrin's storyline in 3-6, we have a subplot about Bain, Chiad, & Gaul, then this could also be more subconscious priming of the audience towards not being weirded out if s3 ends with Elayne, Rand, and Aviendha all having some feelings for each other.

That being said, I do kinda lean towards the idea that s3 is gonna be Rand & Aviendha's season, and the show will make some plot adjustments so that Elayne will actually get to be in the same place as Rand in s4 and so s4 will be either Rand/Elayne or Aviendha/Rand/Elayne. And if we don't get any kind of reunion at the end of s3, then I'm guessing that would happen near the beginning of s4 instead.

(* Though Rafe talks about Rand and Elayne's first meeting in his collider interview:

"We really wanted to flag for the audience that this is a relationship to pay attention to. So having her heal him of this wound that can’t be healed is a way to cement right away for the audience, 'These two have a connection to each other, and I’m paying attention to what’s going on with the two of them.' The way he sees her, the way that she comes into the scene, it all hopefully is signaling to an audience that’s not familiar with the books that there’s something to really pay attention to there — because there is." (from https://collider[dot]com/wheel-of-time-season-2-finale-rafe-judkins-interview/)

Which kinda implies they're going to follow up on it sooner rather than later. But who knows!)

[cienie-isengardu]

MK1's Lin Kuei

I’m trying to figure out something about the current Mortal Kombat, so bear with me here for a moment. Since the MK1 (2023) dropped, there is no doubt that Netherrealm Studio decided to make Lin Kuei the bad guys again, and between Lin Kuei brothers, Bi-Han got the short straw. He is the cold bastard while Kuai Liang the loyal supporter of Liu Kang. Only Tomas arguably could be said to be treated even worse than Bi-Han, as Sub-Zero at least gets his chapter and some focus, while Smoke is sidelined to the point Liu Kang doesn’t even once acknowledge him through story mode.

However, what intrigues me the most about the new version of Lin Kuei is… do the NRS have a fixed idea about the clan's nature or is it a flexible thing, depending on the needs of the storyline? Granted, the expansion story mode is still not released, so I’m basing my wondering mainly on Cyrax Gameplay Trailer here and her criticism about Lin Kuei under Sub-Zero (and Sektor)’s leadership. Those charges included an unseen attack from distance (to Sektor) and attacking Shirai Ryu at Kuai Liang’s wedding (to Sub-Zero)[1]. Cyrax even mentioned that “there are rules”, presumably rules in combat.

Now, Cyrax has a valid reason to question those tactics yet I wonder why the current timeline/characters put so much pressure on honor in regard to Lin Kuei in the first place, when the MK1 itself heavily implied this clan was not made for “honorable fight”.

Let me explain.

Mortal Kombat 1 established that:

Lin Kuei is a centuries old clan and its members were raised in secret to defend Earthrealm.

Members of said clan did not take part in Mortal Kombat, the official and honorable fight one on one - 10 000 years old Kitana asking Bi-Han about the reason for that is the best “evidence” Lin Kuei were excluded from Liu Kang’s Champion, as we can assume she witnessed many tournaments to attest that.

At the same time, Outworld’s prominent figures seem to be fully aware of Lin Kuei’s reputation and its role in protecting Earthrealm. So logically, if Lin Kuei was excluded from Mortal Kombat, those characters needed to either personally face Lin Kuei in battle/fight or heard about their skills.

Lin Kuei took part in battles against vampires and apparently tangled with Kenshi’s ancestors, suggesting Lin Kuei took part in both the external and internal affairs of Earthrealm without revealing themselves for centuries. Presumably on Liu Kang’s orders.

The latest game also gives us insight into Lin Kuei by showing us their missions. The first one was regulated by Liu Kang to test his Champions, thus Bi-Han, Kuai Liang and Tomas were forced to hold back. The second however presented the Lin Kuei infiltrating enemy’s hideout and none of brothers were bothered by attacking from behind (done by Sub-Zero who eliminated one of guards)

nor with killing defeated opponent (as would happen with Shang Tsung if General Shao and his men did now show up in time).

And here is the core of my problem. Why is Cyrax - a Lin Kuei herself - so angry and/or resentful about things that Lin Kuei was doing even as the good guys? Or why is everyone so set on “honor” and “honorable rules” if Lin Kuei weren’t made for that type of battles but to do the dirty job for Liu Kang and Earthrealm’s sake for centuries? Of course Bi-Han is prone to sneak attacks because this is how he was raised - to strike an enemy when the least expected, not to knock on the door and challenge to an honorable one on one duel (and he personally likes testing his skills against powerful opponents). Even Kuai Liang, the "good Lin Kuei" said in intro dialogues that stealth is the only tactic he needs[2].

It sucks that Bi-Han attacked his brother at the wedding and both Kuai Liang and Cyrax have a right to be angry about that, yet from a logical point, this is exactly the best moment to attack. When Bi-Han and Kuai Liang infiltrated the fortress, they did not challenge the sorcerers to fight until they were all alone in the same room. Until that moment, Lin Kuei Grandmaster and his younger brother were both fine to stay in their hidden spot, awaiting the right moment to strike. Same with killing the enemy from behind (guard) or defenseless opponent (as would happen with Shang Tsung). Kuai Liang and Tomas did not blink an eye when Bi-Han eliminated the guard. Scorpion did not protest when Sub-Zero was about to decapitate the unconscious sorcerer - even though Liu Kang told Lin Kuei to capture the man[3].

My point is, Cyrax’s criticism about ambush & sneak attack tactics feels a bit off, considering this is what Lin Kuei were doing as the good guys, presumably for centuries and with full approval of Liu Kang. Now, NRS claiming this is unhonorable and evil makes me wonder is this intentional choice on NRS’s part to bring an interesting nuance to the relationship between Lin Kuei and Liu Kang, or is it just the studio’s oversight and ignorance of their own lore? Because to me it feels ridiculous to establish Lin Kuei first as ninja clan (black ops) and then call them dishonorable for the same thing that benefited Liu Kang/Earthrealm before.

Granted, once the expansion story mode will drop, the fandom will be the most focused on the emotional impact of the conflict between brothers. I do, however, hope the game will include the reason for the flexible “morality” to which Lin Kuei is held.

SIDENOTES:

[1] Cyrax's criticism about attacking Kuai Liang during his wedding may not be about the method itself but the following consequence - not gaining the respect Lin Kuei wanted. So, does Cyrax cares about the sneak attack or more about Lin Kuei's reputation here? (Bi-Han's answer how it is better to be feared than respected also raises a question about NRS' choice, as Sub-Zero was estabilished in first game as someone wanting the recognization for his clan.)

[2] The full mentioned intro dialogue:

Shang Tsung: I could teach you the secrets of shapeshifting. Scorpion: Stealth is the only tactic I need.

[3] Considering Lin Kuei situation during the mission, I assume this is less about Sub-Zero ignoring Fire Lord’s orders and more about him understanding that leaving the fortress with Shang Tsung on his back may not be possible. Thus if he can’t capture the man, he decided to eliminate him for good.

[newpathwrites]

Arms Wide Open - Chapter 4

The coldness in that familiar voice stopped you in your tracks as you rounded the corner of the cabin.

Dread and even a bit of mild rage seized your heart.  

Was it all an act?  How could you have misread the situation so badly?  The force had never led you so far astray…

Main Masterlist Series Masterlist

Summary: Your budding relationship is cut off at the pass.  Can you recover from this misunderstanding?

Notes: We’re about halfway through, and there will be some mild, very temporary angst and misunderstanding in line with the movie storyline that inspired this fic.  But guess what will come once they’ve moved past it?  The good stuff… 😁  Stay tuned.

RIP Carl Weathers.

Warnings: Angst, misunderstandings, mild implied threats.

Word count: 1.6k

Read on AO3

________________________________________

Din awoke with momentary confusion.  Why was he sprawled on the couch instead of comfortably laying in his bed?  This did not bode well for his sore back.

Oh, yes…

He couldn’t help a boyish smile as he recalled last evening’s events.  Spending half the night talking… falling asleep with your head on his shoulder… your touch… your patient understanding…

You.  

He almost didn’t dare to dream that this could be something.  He hadn’t felt like this since he was a boy with his first crush.  

But could he really have this?

Besides the nature of his work, of which you were aware, there was also the issue of the creed.  You had been curious about it, asking a lot of pointed questions, but appeared otherwise unbothered and not the slightest bit judgemental.  Ultimately, though, would you really be interested in a relationship with a man who could never show you his face?

You’d left at some point, but he tried not to read into it.  It was late morning already, and you likely had places to be.  It wasn’t like he didn’t know how to find you.  In fact, your own cabin was only a short walk away.  

Maybe he could pay you a visit later and thank you for dinner and a pleasant evening - perhaps ask when he might see you again…

His musings were cut short by a rap at the door.  Probably Karga making his morning rounds.

But to his disappointment and great annoyance, it was instead a former guild colleague - one with a decades-long chip on his shoulder, who blamed the Mandalorian for his own shortcomings.  The humanoid was generally harmless, in line with his less-than-stellar bounty hunting skills, but Din had always kept a wary distance - the man seemed to be a loose canon at times.

“Mando.”

Din didn’t even bother greeting him by name.  He just wanted him off this property before Grogu woke up.  “Why are you here?”

“Nice to see you, too,” the man responded sarcastically.  “I saw a woman doing the walk of shame from your cabin this morning and thought I’d come by to offer some wisdom.”

Din didn’t respond.  The impassive visor would do the talking for him.

The awkward silence enticed the man to keep speaking.

“Anyway, you know as well as I that men like us don’t get to keep nice things.  A lady like that is a weak spot, even for you.”  He shrugged, adding, “You wouldn’t want anything to happen to her…”

Within a fraction of a second, the visor was not an inch from the man’s face.

“Do you have a habit of harming innocent women?  Because that would be a problem for me,” Din stated coldly.

“No, no, Mando, I…” the man shook his head wildly, panicking thanks to his own stupidity.  He was still smart enough to know what the Mandalorian could do to him.

“She is innocent.  She is nobody.  You leave her alone, or you answer to me.  Understand?”

He nodded, too scared now to speak.

“Good.  Leave.”

Di’kut.

Din pushed the incident out of his mind as he woke Grogu and prepared for the day, thoughts again and again turning to you.  Gosh, you were really doing a number on him - and he was enjoying every second.

________________________________________

You were practically walking on air.  What a lovely feeling.  Whoever said romance was reserved for the young?  You might have thought so, too, had you not met Din yesterday.

He was so real and respectful and interesting.  He didn’t appear capable of leading you on, honest nearly to a fault, and it was him who slowed things down - wanting nothing more from you in this first rendezvous than a quiet evening of conversation.

And it was so refreshing.  Men pulling you in with pretty words and then leaving you high and dry once your clothes came off was the reason you’d given up some years ago on meeting people, getting by instead on romance novels and your own devices, resigned to a fate of perpetual solitude.

You did have one reservation, though.  And it wasn’t about his face - you honestly didn’t care about that.  But would his cultural and religious restrictions really allow him a relationship with an outsider?  That was something you’d need to seriously discuss if this went further.  

Maybe you were getting ahead of yourself here.

For now, it was best to focus on what you could control - a quick morning visit with a fresh pot of steaming caf and the promised reading material in tow and to perhaps set a date for another meeting.

“She is nobody…”

The coldness in that familiar voice stopped you in your tracks as you rounded the corner of the cabin.

Dread and even a bit of mild rage seized your heart.  

Was it all an act?  How could you have misread the situation so badly?  The force had never led you so far astray…

Maybe he was just like everyone else - playing the long game just to get you in his bed.

Without further thought, you turned on your heel and walked quickly back the way you came.  

Perhaps there was an explanation?  No - that was only wishful thinking.  You’d spare yourself the humiliation.

________________________________________

It was a hard pill to swallow, but it had become clear to Din after nearly a week of you turning the other direction each time you came into his line of sight.

You didn’t want to see him.

Was it the creed?  His work?  Did someone enlighten you about any of the many terrible things he had done in his past?

There was no way he had misread things between you quite so badly.  He wasn’t that oblivious.  And the mutual attraction had definitely been acknowledged, albeit not in so many words.

But he supposed he had no choice but to accept it.  It would be both disrespectful and rather creepy to continue any pursuit when you’d made your disdain so clear.

Fate would have other plans.

“You called for me, Greef?”  Din addressed his old friend as he stepped through the already open office door.

Greef was at that moment in a meeting with another party, but the man stood and welcomed Din in his typical booming manner, arms raised in the air ostentatiously.  “Mando!  You are just the man we need.  Do you think you could set up security for some greenhouses?  Here now, have you met our lovely plant doctor?”

He gestured to the human sitting across from him who swiveled their chair around.

________________________________________

“Flora…” Din addressed you in surprise.

“Mr. Djarin…” you returned cooly.  Kriff, you weren’t even using his name now.

Greef looked between you both quizzically.  “Do you two know each other?”

But his question was ignored.

“You left,” Din stated.  “And you’ve been avoiding me.”

You steeled yourself against the hurt manner in which he spoke - it was only part of the act.

“Why do you care?  I’m nobody.  And you’re a bounty hunter - you could have found me if you really wanted to…”

Din was silent for a moment.  Your entire demeanor was so angry - what had he done to foster such resentment?

“Well, I don’t use my skills to stalk women…”

Okay, he got you there.  But still, you owed this man nothing.  He was the one who deceived you.

Din turned toward Greef who was utterly confused at this point.  “I’ll take care of the greenhouses, if that’s what she still wants.  Send me the details later.”

Damn, this was awkward.

“Thanks,” you offered half-heartedly.  “I guess.”

He turned back toward you.  “Look, Flora… I won’t bother you again, but I don’t understand why you’re so angry with me.  Could we just talk?”

Well, kriffing damn it…  The hurt and confusion in his voice was breaking down your walls.  You didn’t want to trust him, but it sounded so genuine.

You sighed, resigned.  He would have this one chance to explain himself.  You were way too soft.  “Fine.  Meet me at the cafe in an hour.”

Din nodded gratefully and took his leave as you turned back around to face Karga.

“You’ve been holding out on me, doc,” he said, eyes twinkling with amusement.  “You got a little thing going with our resident Mandalorian?  It’s fitting, actually.  As soon as I met you I thought you two might get along.”

What did Greef think of you, then?

“I have no interest in cavorting with that womanizing liar,” you returned, voice stony.

But your simmering anger was cut off by Karga’s booming laugh.  “Womanizer??!!” he chuckled in delight.  “A word I never thought I’d hear associated with Din Djarin.  Oh, that’s hilarious!”

“I don’t understand…”

Karga calmed himself and grinned at you.  

“Flora… that man may have the emotional intelligence of a rock, but he is anything but a rake.  I reckon he’s got the worst case of blue balls in the entire parsec.”

He shook his head, smiling fondly as he continued.  “In the old days, when the other hunters would buy an hour with one of the workers, he’d head out directly on his next job.  And now that he’s settled, I’ve not seen him so much as socialize with another human being.  He’s refused my every offer to go to the twi’lek baths.  Even his few female colleagues are not ones to be interested in men if you know what I mean…”

Even as Greef poked fun at Din, he did so with great affection.  Apparently, he knew him well - and for a very long time.

“Oh,” you responded, a bit dumbstruck.  “Perhaps I’ve misjudged…”

“He’s a good man, Flora.  He’s protective to a fault, brutally honest… but he’s respectful and honorable.  I think you should give him another chance.”

In the short time you’d known Greef Karga, you’d come to greatly respect his opinion.  And so you gave in.  You hoped your impression would be proved wrong - because you’d really, really liked Din Djarin.

“Okay, okay.  I will.”

________________________________________

Next chapter

[dwellordream]

thoughts on HOTD, episode 6, season 2 (spoilers below)

Some people are not a fan of Aemond's acting in this episode but I think it's perfectly on point. Even the stupid anime villain voice. That's what he is. Aemond is three kids in a trenchcoat playacting at what he thinks power and intimidation. He's only genuinely frightening when he is at his most pathetic and ashamed, because that is what compels him to do depraved things- the thought of being mocked or pitied.

Aemond releases Alicent from the Small Council, IMO, not because he genuinely thinks her incompetent, but because, aside from his general misogyny, he sees his mother as a woman who pities him, and while he craves her affection, he can't stand being reduced to a sniveling little boy in her eyes again.

I truly DNGAF about the 'Aeriana Targaryen' shit. They had to show Rhaenyra actually trying to come up with a reasonable cover for why Rhaenyra would encourage others to try to claim dragons without her throwing the concept of Valyrian supremacy out the window. Yes, the writers could have just decided to randomly make, say, Viserra or Gael Targaryen have wed a Darklyn, but I'm not really bothered that they didn't. Rhaena the Black Bride's daughter Aeriana by Maegor. Sure.

The writers seem to be trying to walk a thin line between Alys manipulating Daemon for kicks by preying on his insecurities regarding who 'deserves' the Iron Throne in his family, but the suggestion that Viserys 'never sought the throne' is wild. He put himself forward as a contender for the Great Council! I genuinely can't tell if we're meant to believe Alys truly thinks Rhaenyra could be a better ruler than Aegon, or if this is all supposed to be taken as her playing mind games with Daemon sheerly out of spite.

The foreshadowing that Rhaena will claim Sheepstealer, rather than Nettles, seems pretty strong at this point. I get the writers' desire to have Rhaena claim a dragon in a more active and assertive manner than simply patiently waiting for an egg to hatch for her, especially since Morning in-canon was not at all capable of being flown to war during the Dance. However, I wish we could see both Rhaena and Nettles tame dragons here, rather than one Black female character (in a show that already has a problem with shoving its Black characters to the sidelines) simply taking over another's storyline. It is possible they will still include Nettles, and have her claim a different dragon instead, but I'm losing hope.

Gwayne is a snotty racist asshole, obviously, but I commend the show for displaying that he does genuinely love Alicent and Daeron, who he seems to view as akin to his own son. It's surprising that he specifically praises Daeron's kindness, and seems to view it as a strength of his nephew's, rather than a weakness. In the grand scheme of HoTD men, Gwayne is probably one of the better ones, at least in terms of how he treats his family.

I thought the smallfolk riot scene was well-done. Alicent and Helaena are clearly not the ones responsible for the food shortage- Alicent has been booted off the Small Council and Helaena has no real political power herself. Yet they- and most noblewomen in the series- will always be blamed more viciously than any of their husbands or sons for the suffering. It's also good to see the foreshadowing of a more ruthless side of Hugh- while he is motivated by love for his family, he will do anything in order to protect them, including stealing food from other starving peasants.

Seasmoke chasing Addam Velaryon down like an over-eager puppy was pretty entertaining. Whether or not this implies Laenor is actually dead, I have no idea.

It's interesting that they have Mysaria confide about her own incestual abuse- her clearly viewing her father as a predator who horribly violated her- compared to Rhaenyra, who while openly critical of Daemon's behavior as a husband, and who does acknowledge that Daemon took advantage of her as a teenager- doesn't seem to see him as a monster. I don't really feel any type of way about Rhaenyra/Mysaria- obviously I do think Rhaenyra is bisexual, given everything about her and Alicent- but I don't think Mysaria has been used that well as a character by the show, and I'm not sure whether this is supposed to be a one-off moment of passion, or if they will actually have her and Mysaria in an illicit relationship moving forward.

Overall, I think this was one of the weaker episodes this season. It felt like a lot of wheel spinning because the writers were unsure of how to build up to the end of the season. Probably a 6.5 out of 10 for me.

[thestobingirlie]

i read this post that said robin was written to show steve wasn't homophobic anymore but "that doesn’t mean I’m just going to forget how he implied that Will deserved to die because he’s gay, so what now? Steve is growing and changing but that doesn’t just take away everything he’s said, especially since he has yet to apologize to Jonathan. There’s a reason why Will and Steve have zero scenes together!" like it makes no sense firstly bc robin wasn't even originally written as a lesbian so that just doesn't line up. then steve also never said will deserved to die bc he's gay; he never actually said anything about will's sexuality, his comment about will is about the byers family being full of "screw-ups" which steve actually classified as separate from gay ppl at the start of his mini monologue lol (by saying he thought jonathan was queer but he's actually a screw up like his dad). sometimes i think certain ppl have never actually watched that scene bc they just use it as a Steve Said Bad Things free space where they get to invent what he said. he did apologize to jonathan, it was literally the only reason he was at the byers' house, but it was interrupted which led to steve both saving jonathan's life and buying him a new camera. the thing about will and steve not having scenes together is baffling to me. their storylines just never intersected like s1 will is gone, s2 will is possessed while steve is helping junkyard trio, s3 steve is held captive in an underground russian bunker, and s4 will is literally in a different state on the other side of the country.

yeah, i saw that post lmao, real fucking stupid. it’s just so funny to me that these people accuse us of reducing robin to just being steve’s friend, and then can’t see past her sexuality in regards to her character? they’re the ones making robin just a lesbian bff, not us.

and saying that steve hasn’t had an impact on her character?? rewatch the show! steve’s the reason that robin feels comfortable in who she is, that she rambles and jokes around instead of fronting her stony facade from s3. i honestly think these people only care about robin in regards to a certain character they ship her with. because they seem to know nothing about her.

thank you!!! he never implies will is gay. at all. why would steve know or care about the sexuality of some random 12 year old?

and, 100%, people take that scene and mold it into anything they want just to rag on steve, and it’s super telling, because they’re constantly getting it wrong. some people decided that steve called jonathan a fag, which is the most annoying to me, because at least get the slur right lmao.

steve fucked up, absolutely. but he did apologise, and he did save their lives, and virtually sacrifice his own when he decided to run back into that house. had steve not done that, jonathan and nancy would be dead. just a fact.

and the will and steve sharing scenes thing is especially funny to me, because they’re just part of different plots. they have shared scenes, and will clearly has no problem using steve to get free movies like the rest of the kids, so there’s no animosity there.

[highladyluck]

Season 2, Episode 8 Post-blog:

So I did not liveblog this episode since I had friends over to do a watch party, but here's everything I remembered that I wanted to talk about!

As far as I can tell, the two Seanchan sul'dam that got collared are not going to be found with the collar on them. (Not sure if Renna is dead or if Egwene chose to uncollar her, but either way she's not chained up in a basement with the collar on waiting to be discovered by her peers.) I was thinking at first that this had major implications for the rest of the Seanchan storyline. But really, it only has implications for Suroth, since in the books Suroth (and Alwhin, who is already her Voice in the show) sit on the information until Egeanin discovers it separately. Egeanin can still be the first Seanchan to know and do anything about it. I do think this lack of a dangling thread, Suroth's ship being blown up, and the way it's hard to get actors to come back seasons later make it more likely we've seen the last of Suroth. I would be happy to eat my words, though! Also, Egwene, Nyneave, and Elayne all know you can collar a sul'dam, and possibly Mat, Rand, and Perrin will soon as well if anyone remembers to communicate this information, so any one of them could spill the beans.

Major props to whoever hypothesized that Uno would be a Hero of the Horn; not sure if he's implied to be Gaidal Cain or not (possibly not? there was a blink-and-I-missed it moment of PDA between Birgitte and somebody but I am not sure if it was Uno or not).

I did not anticipate Mat making an ashandarai out of household objects and the dagger and I am EXTREMELY PROUD of him. Also proud of him for escaping traps! My boy is really coming into his own! I also really appreciate the classic blunder of doing the same thing to Mat again but worse- the Dark does not understand that my boy thrives when you do that. He solves his problems by escalating them in intensity or magnitude. You can only put him in a room with drugs once, if you put him in a room with drugs again he will use them in an unconventional manner to escape and also destroy his enemies.

Also props to whoever guessed that the Horn would trigger memories for Mat- I'm intrigued by where they are going with this. I hope it's not precluding the Aelfinn and Eelfinn, but given all the hanging foreshadowing, the makeshift ashandarai, and Lanfear yeeting Moiraine out of the waygate doorway, I don't really think they'd cut the Eelfinn. It's the Aelfinn that seem slightly less like a sure thing, and I'm going to be a little on edge until Mat gets the DotNM prophecy somehow. I don't think they'd cut the problematic fave; it's a juicy part, idk what Mat would even do if he weren't babysitting the Seanchan in the later plot, and they've been doing great with the 'you're wrong but I see where you're coming from' characters. But they've either cut or significantly changed the Moiraine/Thom relationship in the show, and the two relationships are kind of linked in my head for thematic reasons. I'm probably overthinking it though.

HOPPER T_T

Dain looked like a boy band member who fell off the stage and got trampled in the mosh pit.

Loved that Egwene got to face off against Ishamael! Loved Egwene all the time forever actually. I was also entertained that Egwene had like one semester of Magic College and used it to school the Seanchan on linking mechanics. She's right that the sul'dam don't know how to link properly and are weak little babies when it comes to channeling, and she should say it.

Nyneave and Elayne were great, as usual- very impressed with Elayne, who is finally living all her Battle Queen fantasies and is being very brave about how much they suck, actually. Nyneave is in for some self-loathing next season though, I'm afraid. I love that Rand and Elayne still get to have a meet-cute when she's treating his wounds. :P

I was very happy for Tumblr User Moghedien that we got to see Forsaken Moghedien. She's offputting and very gay, just like I imagined!