#since i haven't been able to do that in like 3 weeks bc of work

[hpandthegobletofsass]

have been gripped by the concept of history of magic teacher!regulus the past 12 or so hours, might fuck around and put aside the two other hp fics i've been working on in favor of writing a little one shot of my headcanons related to this

[pickapea]

fanfiction is so much fun i wish i liked reading it </3

[crest-of-gautier]

video editing is so fun... (specifically cutting down hours of gameplay into a highlights format)

[autistic-shaiapouf]

Covid update, the vice grip pressure headache is gone, I was able to get out of bed without issues today, I actually slept through the night, AND don't feel feverish anymore 😤

[ddiidi]

bf!Bangchan x gn!reader (ot8 mentioned)

Masterlist

When he calls you clingy, so you distance yourself

Previous Pt. 1

Pt. 2

Next Pt. 3

!Warnings: angst, swearing, fun at the end bc reader needs fun in life (lmk if i missed anything)

Important!Side-Note!: Should I do a happy ending for them?

It has been 3 days since that incident. 3 days and still not a single message from Chan, not even an apology for yelling at you, nothing. You've been texting him every now and then, to ask if he's okay, eats and sleeps. He never replied to any of them, nor has he seen them, so you spend most of the time packing your stuff and working from home. You were glad you had a job you also could work from home for. Every now and then, you went over to the building, to check a few things, walking extra detours, to make sure, you won't bump into Chan.

A few of the other members texted you the past days, asking if everything is okay and why the haven't seen you around for a while, to which you just replied with "Busy with work and private stuff, dww:)". It made you happy they actually care that much about you, just because they haven't seen you in a few days, but also anxious and sad, since they care, but chan hasn't even shown any intress in you the past days. You weren't even able to tell him that you're moving.

More days pass, and a few days, turn into a week of no textes from Chan. At this point, you wondered if he even knew that you still exist.

So here you were, in your old apartment, stuffed with boxes, not being able to get your mind off chan and his well-being, even though, you're still deeply hurt from what he said, you couldn't just not not care about him....He pointed out two of your insecurities, just like that as if it was nothing and he doesn't even care...not about you not your feelings.

You let out a deep sigh. You should be getting ready for a day with your friends. Not think about some man, who happened to be the love of your life, who calls you his partner, but doesn't even know how to cherish you.

You let out another, heavy, sigh as you drop to the floor to put on your shoes, Let's just focus on having a great time today, you thought to yourself and left the apartment.

Well, maybe it was not the best decision to go out today...

Chan for his part, had to listen to a lectur from Felix, after you ran out, crying. "Chris..you really shouldn't have said all that to her. I understand that you were annoyed or whatever, but that was no reason to yell at her" "Really now? They were just being a fucking, clingy and annoying crybaby that couldn't take no for an answer, for whatever reason." chan sighed out, at the younger member. "That crybaby...was really uncalled for chris. They're your partner, not some random person on the street you can yell at. I wouldn't wonder if they took that "Leave me alone" to heart and actually leave you after that action." "But I-" chan starts, "I'm just saying chris. You better fix this before it's too late. After what you pulled, partners are faster gone than you could blink" with that, Felix leaves the room, leaving Chan alone, again.

Since that talk, Chan locked himself in his studio, thinking about the best way to apologize for what he said. But he couldn't find one. No matter how long he thought, days, a whole week, there was nothing but regret. He just had to apologize in person and beg for forgivness, hoping that you'd actually forgive him.

So there he was, with a giant bouquet of flowers, fresh clothes and hope.

He had the code to your apartment, so he opened the door, ready to be greeted by the warm, wide open hallway, but was greeted with the cold gray of bunch of boxes instead and the first thing he felt, was panic."Y/n? Y/n are you there?" he yelled, as he ran through your whole apartment, but as he saw that even all your date polaroid pictures where gone, he couldn't help but panic even more.

He let's the flowers fall on the floor, running to your room and nearly collapsed when he found..nothing. Where were you? Did you actually go? Did you actually leave him? All these questions consumed his head and that's when he broke, crying to the point he couldn't breath. He took out his phone and called the first number he saw in his recent calls. It peeped a few times, before someone took the call.

"Hey Chris everything alr-" "They're gone! Felix they're gone, they're not here i don't know what to do! I've never meant it I was just-" chan cried and gasped out at felix on the other line. "Woah there calm down, try to breath I don't understand a word. Relax, I'll be there okay? You know there is an explination for everything, that's what you always say, so try to relax it's okay" Felix tried to soothen the older man, while grabbing his keys and running out to his car. Chan didn't reply anything to that and continued soobing.

I have your location, I'll be there in 5." that's the last thing chan heared from felix, before he collapsed on the floor in your apartment.

And you? You were drinking coffee with your friends, while your bestie told you guys a story how she saw a horse that nearly drowned.

‧͙⁺˚*･༓☾✧༺🖤༻✧✧༺🖤༻✧✧༺🖤༻✧☽༓･*˚⁺‧͙

@finnbbl @wolfs-howling

[writers-blockkk]

The counter

__________________________________________

Content: SEX (p in v)

Ok y'all! 1/3 of the requests done! I'm still working on the other 2 bc I literally wrote this in like one night 💀

Also made this one a full fic bc I haven't done much for my man Stanley yet. Hope this is what anon wanted, I feel like I kept to the plot a little better this time

__________________________________________

Its been almost a year since you decided to work at the Mystery Shack to make some extra spending money. You'd retired early and moved to Gravity Falls for a quiet life, which wasn't constant because of the magic creatures.

Your hair had some gray streaks around your face and by your ears. You always dressed nice for your job, maybe a little outdated but you knew Stan loved to see you in more 70s atire. Makeup was usually on the lighter side, and LOTS of jewelry adorned your neck, wrists, and fingers.

One evening the gnomes broke into the shack trying to steal Mabel away again, and unsurprisingly they caused all sorts of damage. You offered to stay late and help clean up, which Stan gladly agreed to also hoping he'd be able to have some alone time with you.

It was late, cleaning up took much longer than anticipated so Stan sent the kids to bed, and you told Soos you'd finish up since he looked tired. Secretly you were hoping something would happen tonight as well, especially since his flirting had gotten more persistent the last few weeks. You suspected it had something to do with Mabel pushing him to get closer to you, but you're not complaining.

♧

Since you started working at the Mystery Shack, you always caught Stan staring at you or just loitering around you when you restocked. When you were behind the counter he'd stand behind you, almost guarding you and not so secretly staring at your ass. Rather quickly his silent looks turned into loud comments and flirty remarks, like whenever he ended a tour he'd lead customers into the gift shop.

"And welcome to the gift shop! Buy something and you'll get to talk to the most beautiful woman in the world!"

Stan gestures to you while leaning on the side if the counter wiggling his eyebrows at you. Rolling your eyes while helping the first customer helping them check out, your cheeks slowly burning a light pink.

♧

You were just about done with cleaning the gift shop part of the house when Stan walks into the room leaning on the door frame smirking. At first you don't notice him as your humming to the song playing on the radio and shaking your ass slightly while putting away the last few things under the counter.

"Lookin' toots"

Stans voice makes you jump bumping your head on the bottom of the counter. When you stand up a hand rubbing your head you look over at Stan (un)intentionally looking lower noticing a growing bulge in his suit pants.

"Someone's happy to see me"

Eyebrows raised and a smirk on your face you lean against the counter more obviously checking him out as he walks towards you.

"I'm always happy to see you toots"

He returns your teasing, which causes pink to creep from your ears to your cheeks. You're nat able to speak because you know you'll stutter so you just stare into his eyes.

"Whats wrong cat got y'a tongue?"

Stan is mentally freaking out as he slids his large hand around your waist pulling you closer lips almost touching.

"Can I kiss y'a? Been craving it for so long

..."

You can feel his whispers against your face, without answering you wrap your hands around his neck and connecting your lips. Stan makes a sound that's a mix between surprise and a whine when your lips connect, his other hand leaves the counter and grabs the back of your head deepening the kiss.

Stan licks your bottom lip asking for entrance, you part your lips in agreement and he slids his tongue against yours the kiss getting more heated by the second. You guys are all over each other in a matter of seconds, your back being pressed against the counter and your hands desperately grasping at his hair and clothes.

There was a pause when your both needed air, you both looked like you were gonna jump on each other again when Stan spoke.

"I need to be inside you"

You were almost sitting on the counter, hands behind you now as you're looking down at the much larger bulge in his pants.

"Then what are you waiting for?"

The second the words left your mouth it's like he snapped, you were sudden on your stomach on the counter ass up. Stans rock hard bulge pressing against your ass, his hands snake across your hips to the hem of your pants slowly undoing them. Once they're fully unzipped he pulls them off your legs and leaving small kisses on your lower back and tugging at your lace underwear.

"Wearin' the fancy stuff for me now?"

Stans voice is low and teasing as he pulls the underwear over the plump of your ass and let's them fall around your ankles. He slides his right hand down to your dripping folds gently rubbing your clit, his left hand is on your ass massaging and kneeding the flesh.

"So wet and I've barely touched you y'a dirty girl"

Stans voice is low and gravelly against your back while he leaves kisses up your spine till the edge of your shirt that's been pushed up. His fingers work your clit harder now, rubbing tight circles that have you gasping and clawing the counter.

"Please Stan! Don't stop"

You're whining only serves to turn him on more as he slowly dips one finger into you, and is practically sucked in by your greedy cunt. Stan groans at the feeling before adding another finger and pumping slightly to see your reaction.

"Aah fuck, harder!"

You arch backwards moaning rather loudly at the sensation, which caused Stan to use his free hand to clamp over your mouth.

"Shhh, don't want the kids hearin' us"

He whispers in your ear and you nod half moaning against his hand, your breath is heavy and vision glossy when he releases you. He continues to pump his fingers in your tight cunt scissoring them slightly to stretch you out while he leaves hickeys on your neck.

You're trying so hard to keep quiet but Stan's fingerings you so good you can't help the yelps and whines that slip from your throat.

"I said keep quiet"

Stan whispers against your neck before a loud slap is heard and you feel a sharp stinging pain on your left ass cheek. A loud yelp emits from your throat and your head drops between your arms, ass wiggling slightly to try and ease the pain.

"Think you're ready to take me toots?"

You frantically nod looking at him over your shoulder, your eyes are glossed over and needy the look making his cock twitch in anticipation. He removes his fingers that are soaked with your juices and licks them clean moaning at the taste.

He started undoing his pants and let them drop to his ankles, the same with his boxers. His cock is blushed red and rock hard, dripping with precum as he pumps it a few times groaning before rubbing the tip through your folds lubing up a bit.

"Shit toots can't wait to fuck you stupid"

His words make a shiver run through your body, your pussy clenching around nothing. Stan slowly pushes in breathing heavy and holding back moaning too loud, on the other hand you were whimpering and gasping. After giving you a second to adjust he snapped, and bottomed out starting a brutal pace.

You clap a hand over your mouth when he bottoms out to muffle your scream as your body is rocked by his thrusts. Hands gripping the counter as you loudly moan his name, which makes Stan grab a fistful of hair and yank you back into an arch.

"Told y'a to be fuckin' quiet"

His voice is stern and low as he's still pounding you so deep there's a bulge forming in your belly. He wraps a hand around your throat squeezing slightly to restrict your noise, your eyes roll back at the feeling pussy tightening around his cock.

You can feel it, you can feel everything he's doing to you, the way his fingers dig into your throat to every vein on his cock. You're so close to cumming but can't say anything, you're so fucked out all you can do is moan.

"So close babe, just hol' on"

Stan groans against the crook of your neck sucking a large hickey onto it, his thrusts getting sloppy. He slides his free hand down to your clit rubbing tight circles again, which causes you to whine loudly even through his throat hold. You cum all over his cock, pussy clamping down on him which causes him to spray his hot seed inside and collapse over your back.

You both are panting hard laying on the counter, Stan pulls out of you after a second admiring his work. Mixed cum dripping out and down your thighs, he slides his hands down your back grabbing both ass cheeks and squeezing.

"You're so hot like this toots"

A smirk etching onto his face as he grabs a few tissues and wipes you up, you mumble while your face is laying on the counter. He then lazily pulls your pants back up and carried you up to his room changing you into one of his old t-shirts and shorts. He lays you in his bed and climbs in with you pulling you close and drifting to sleep.

"Love y'a toots

[reikunrei]

feeling incredibly averse to posting this but i'm just gonna drop my kofi link here in case anyone wants to help me get out of my increasingly shitty situation living with my parents

more info below ig

after having given my parents nearly $100k over the last four years, i'd love to be able to actually leave. my future job situation is still up in the air (i've submitted for about a dozen positions and the only one i've heard back from and interviewed for hasn't gotten back to me yet), and i haven't been able to build up any savings because, again, i was (and still am) helping my family afford rent and bills, and probably the taxes my parents are behind on, but if i think about that, i'll get too angry. no joke, i've given my family, at the bare minimum, 85% of my income over the last 4 years. the rest of it has gone toward medical stuff and, now, my car

at this point, with the combo of my mom refusing to lower her standards and my dad's seeming refusal to hunt for a new full time job, i don't see how they won't continue to bleed me dry. my dad even has a bad habit of taking money out of my old savings account that he's a joint owner on or whatever from when i got it set up when i was 16, even when i stopped actively putting money in it, so now any time it gets its automated $1 transfer from my checking account, he'll just take that $1 without consulting me. i'm not exaggerating, even if it has $1-2 in it, it'll be gone within a week

i've even put off starting on testosterone because of this. i wanted to start it like 3 years ago, but kept putting it off because of money issues and wanting to save as much as possible. i got really close to actually starting it this year, but because of how messy everything is, i put it off again bc having one more thing on my plate, especially when my parents are already weird about me being trans, was not something i wanted to deal with

not to mention, we're still currently not living under a lease in our house that we're, as far as i'm aware, still tens of thousands of dollars behind in rent on (again, my dad refuses to disclose our financial position honestly with any of us) and it's developed many, many issues bc the landlord, even before we were behind on rent, is shit and refuses to actually fix anything. and my dad loves to just ignore things unless we beg him to do something

i'd love to be on my own (in the, much more affordable, midwest) by the end of summer. i by no means want to rely on donations and i have other avenues i'm working with to make money (i still have my current full time job, but i'm going through my old belongings and selling a lot online), but i'll take any help i can get atp because i'm truly at my wits end. i'd start doing art commissions again if i could, but doing that from 2020-2022, partially on top of my full time job, absolutely wrecked my right hand and i'm still in enough pain that i can't make it a regular activity

idk how much else there is to say. there's more i could say but... i don't really wanna air all my dirty laundry here. i'm miserable in so many ways and it's just become increasingly clear that my dad expects me to constantly cover his ass. my younger brother gives money too, but he manages to go on big cross-country and overseas trips with friends, so i think i've been stuck with the burden of giving the most money. there's so many more things going on in the world rn and everyone is stretched thin so i don't expect much, or anything, but. idk. might as well throw it out there, right?

i’ve also since taken down the gfm i set up last year when we got our first eviction notice bc, while we still need the money, i don’t feel right keeping it up for multiple reasons, including “i don’t want to give any of that money to my family” and it feels too… serious to keep it up when i could just throw out my kofi instead

i just want to make sure i have some sort of safety net to catch me if i move before anything job-wise is finalized. i need to be able to afford a place to live for at least a month so i can job-search while physically being in the area i wanna move to, which would ultimately make it easier for me to find a job at all. i'm working on being more firm with giving less money so i can actually have the means to move and be safe and comfortable, but... that never lasts long in this house

anyway. that's it, i guess. thanks for reading

[winryrockbellwannabe]

✨ Getting my life together ✨

to be very honest, i've been feeling kinda awful this last couple of weeks, and i haven't been able to do anything but stress over exams and complain about my life. today this will end.

So here's a hopeful but realistic list of habit's I'll try to implement

🏋🏾‍♀️ 1: Im going to start working out again.

Not everyday at first, and i still have to understand if it works better for me to work out in the morning or at night. Ideally im going to rotate between: arms/abs workouts, youtube ballet classes (there's a youtuber that seems to have great adult ballet videos, and its a chill way for me to work out), and hopefully going on walks on fridays, since i have the morning off, when it's not raining.

🫗2 : Im going to do the dishes right after i use them

i dont even hate doing the dishes, i dont know how i accumulate so many shit. But i do, and then i have no clean dishes and that makes me not want to cook, and delay eating lunch and stuff like that. SO DO YOUR DISHES!!!

💊 3: im gonna go to the pharmacy to get my meds and actually take them

self explanatory, ive been super anxious about taking my adhd meds, since im going to try to take a more intense dose than im used to, and i was a bit scared bc of side effects but my friend has already calmed me down a bit about it

🖋️ 4. Im goint to try to post more regularly and journal more

4.1. Post more regularly

It helps me get excited and motivated about studying, so self explanatory

4.2. Journalling

Everything is being so weird rn. My friends are acting so weird, two of them are basically ignoring me, and other two are acting super shitty towards me and another friend. It's super messy, and we don't know why everyone is being off, so i think i need to let all this negativity out of my system and reflect about this, and see if i could also be in the wrong in this situation

🧹 5. Im going to be more organized, and try to keep my room tidied

💖 6. Im going to try to spend more time with people that actually recharge my energy, instead of people that just stress me more and make me more upset

📜 7. Im going to try new places to study, since my usual ones haven't been working as well for me

and there's more to go, but i don't want to be too optimistic, Im going to be happy if I actually manage to keep half of those for more than a week lol

[genericpuff]

1. Have you read Circe by Madeline Miller + Song of Achilles ~ if you have what are your thoughts

2. In the original what was your favorite male character drawn out (mine was Hermes only bc I found him hot😓)

3. How long do you think it’ll take you to ‘finish’ your story, like do you have a set date: 2026,2027, even 2030🙈🙈

4. What’s your backstory on tattooing and art, was this your initial plan

5. Fave girl character, (mine is Minthe only bc she reminds me of my younger self since I seemed to only choose realtionships where I get here)

thank youuu

ahaha so many questions! I'll answer them as concisely as I can :>

1.) Song of Achilles is on my shelf, I've been meaning to read it all but I haven't been able to make time for it, I might try and do so before the new year! I've definitely heard great things :>

2.) Hephaestus! He gives me such older brother vibes, he just seems like a really chill and snuggly guy LOL Only complaint about his character design is the fact that he's constantly using running blades (sure they look cool but they're not practical for casual wear, you're supposed to use them for, y'know... running lmao) but that's really it, I think his arc with Aphrodite in S3 was poorly written tbh especially with how rushed it was, but overall not the worst treatment out of the cast.

3.) Definitely don't want it to take until 2030 LMAO It's gonna depend on a few variables, including update schedule (I'd really like to get back to posting once a week again like I used to but I don't think it's gonna be possible for a little while u.u""") and how long the final scripts come out to be. Ideally though I'd like it to be wrapped up within another year or two. This definitely isn't one of those "work on it indefinitely" type projects, I have an end goal in mind and I don't want it to take over half a decade like my last comic project did LOL

4.) Never expected to wind up making Rekindled or in tattooing. I'm kind of a "fall into it" type person, I do what feels right in the moment even if it's not what I initially planned for (within reason, of course! I've learned to sit on new ideas and plans for a bit before pursuing them to ensure I'm actually into them before diving in lol it helps me avoid the impulsive ADHD-fueled decisions 😆). I sort of had a plan for myself back in primary and high school - I wanted to become a video game concept artist, but over time as I got into making comics and after I graduated college, it just never really happened. It's never too late, of course, but right now I'm having a lot of fun tattooing and making comics in my free time ! I think I'd still be making comics even if I ended up in game dev, it satisfies my storytelling side haha

5.) If you mean specifically LO, yeah, Minthe here too. Which is wild because I remember when I was still a huge fan of the comic and was on the "fuck Minthe!" train. Now that I've explored the comic with a more critical eye, I sympathize with her way more and I really hope she had gotten a more satisfying conclusion. Still, she got away from Hades and Persephone's nonsense so that's better than nothing LMAO but I definitely want to explore her side more in Rekindled as the story unfolds, I have some fun plans for her <3

[maxmoffs]

gonna just post this quick psa yap about my interactions here on wanda and the rest of my blogs from here on out , then i'll be fully committed and indulged into finally ! fulfilling my owed starters , inbox and drafts and writing entirely, just because i want to get it out of my chest and so that im fully comfortable and happy with my blogs and want to be able to come on without feeling so anxious ! this is the most I’ve approached everyone and bravely finally after being shy and hesitant so pls be proud of me uwu . it’s been a long time coming i know , im finally actively interacting, i do know that i had been so yappy ooc the past weeks that just went by! its because i haven't been doing anything but work and training and with the christmas holidays chaos, so it had gotten me incredibly sporadic which is the reason for my lack to keep a consistent flow of my writing on all my blogs no matter how much i wanted to ! i actually have no idea who is following me or not still from the last time ppl had been more enthusiastic of when i made wanda weeks ago uuhuhu , but i hope all of you are still interested because when i write and post all my owed writing its both old and new bahaha just bc i hadnt had the proper opportunity to write wanda as how ive been wanting to with full focus like right now bc i had been so busy :( <3 please continue below for the psa , i appreciate you if you do get where im coming from <3 because after this , i want to just feel happy writing wanda and the rest of my muses . without feeling like i have to prove my worth or place , but im finally at a good mental balance of both , and i now have slower days since christmas is finally at its end of holiday chaos for me work wise which was the only thing holding me back and life is life and i will now stop for apologising to be slow ! i now have discord anyways , which is also finally open and im migrating to as an avenue to 'yap' and plot with those that dont mind my excitment hahahaahah so as long as we're mutuals , im already a big yapper and will always be welcoming , so you are welcome to add me just pls understand that i do get overstimulated or busy sometimes but i'll use it more now ( arden1ly . )

im gonna just consider this as an add to my rules . but as i continue here on out now , i think i will now stop following people first anymore unless obvs we are moots and you're moving blogs . and will just focus my time and attention to those of you that just want to write with me and wanda and my multi , who are already here, my mutuals and my mains / friends who's stuck by and been patient and understanding with me . i will always be an open book , and will always always keen a nurturing and safe environment because i love writing , and love being able to write with everyone as best i can, but will no longer go too above and beyond to push myself to others and i will always be here to come back to when the interest rises again of interest to write with me , because at the end of the day ! im here to write with you ! and along with that , a bonus when i create wonderful friendships which i also know and feel that i have now <3

it is what it is, and i have lost a few wonderful moots i had been writing with a couple of weeks back out of the blue that i never even noticed probs bc of that very reason , i have kept myself quite so very open book and half of the time i literally dont know whats going on so i tend to really keep my and i noticed that it definitely scared ppl that my inability to hold my excitement can be sometimes excessive so i will try to refrain from it now , because ive always advocated kindess and positvity on my blog and nothing else ! but i know tumblr is so scary! and can be so judgemental , and im a super open book but also can barely keep up so sometimes i barely scroll through tumblr, but i always try my best. from here on out though , obviously i will always and stay welcoming especially if you are a mutual already here , but i just no longer want to keep apologising for my speed / slow -ness , or for my personality bc really half of the time its just me approaching with excitement to write and interact, but ive noticed that its probs annoyed ppl , and i dont want to also be annoying for anyone <3

[hydrangeachainsaw]

just answering some asks ^-^

it's been awhile I dont answer asks lol I was going to release this post way earlier but always leave it for later����sorryy! will tag everyone who asked so they can see <3

Hi! Check if there's any sims 4 package in your mods folder, everytime something like this happens is bc of an incorrect game file. lmk any other issue and have a nice day! :)

@virtualdolls Hii! ^-^ Ofc! it might just take awhile cuz i'm busy with other projects rn but will def make! :D if u find any other creator for caw to do it i'm okay with it too! hope ur doing well too have a great week <3

@sarasccblog heyy :) tysm! I will release another version for that tv next month for advent calendar. I actually should've released the version without antlers in the cozy days set and leave the one with antlers for christmas, cuz it makes more sense but I only noticed that later after posting xD anywayss thank youu!

@bunnnnnnnnnnnyyyyyyyy copypaste ftw lol 🥰😍💗💗i will!! thank youuuuu

you need to set up ur caw framework to be able to see cc there, here's a page explaining https://modthesims.info/showthread.php?t=481967

nope, but I wanna do that eventually :)

@megmeg-chan ty for ur support, i'm glad u like it :3

@marias-assumption 💗

hii! not sure, maybe

sorry i'm not sure what post is that

@pwtti hii! sadly no, i was posting some stuff on cf tho you can find some cc there

hii thanks for letting me know will check it out!

ty already talked to her about it :)

@luyepiaofeng hii it's for both sim 3 and sims 4!

@suteflower Hii Sute! hope ur doing well! yep i'm from brazil, she/her! :) grl you have good memory i don't even remember mentioning that publicly before xD

yep!

@cutebich hii thank u! ofc! will do it eventually there's some more other suggestions i need to make but will def do! thanks!

hii! that's the same tutorial i've watched, it's a bit complicated but give it another try i'm sure you can do it :) also im too shy to make videos sorryyy xD

tysm makes my day to know u guys like it <3

@thesims4babe hii! there's a bottle override for sims 3 too

im not converting anymore ever since i started making my own cc, i only ever convert things for halloween or christmas that i like and that's it (and commissions too) hope u understand! <3

@joshiifox hii sorry for late reply, hopefully you got it working by now. it's working normally here

@francesweyr hii! it's no problem don't worry! petit trianon is a felix conversion, it's been son long i don't even remember how i did that 😭😂 I think I just used the game's walls to support it or used cfe cheat, not sure. but nowadays you can use omedapixel mod to do that easily

@bebefege 😁💗

np! it's my fave <3

@chxm1calkid hii! this ask is so old i already made it but haven't posted it yet xD anyway will post it asap, probably after all the christmas cc

@usermitsuri hi! i advise using the latest blender version, but its okay if ur already using older. I used 2.79 for many years and recently changed to newest version and i prefer it nowadays. anyway, there's ton of tutorials on youtube that's how i learned, just choose something you'd like to make and start. I began doing very simple forms like a teacup, so i'd advise doing something similar. you can do basically anything just searching blender + whatever object you wanna make + tutorial on google/youtube. hope that helps lmk if you have more questions

@aiikrstn iirc there is! tnx glad u like

that's it, will post part2 next:)

[2demondogs]

HIIIIIII RAHHH

sorry

Im the same anon who asked you to write the latest arthur x m!reader and omgg you envisioned what i wanted so well! you're an amazing author!!

I was also wondering if you were up to write more parts to this specific prompt of the affair? it doesn't have to be smut again, just a continuation of the story ykyk?

Thank you so much, I'm so glad you liked it! <3 Sorry this took so long, I had an immediate plot come to mind bc I'm fuckin' heavy w this AU but then I got nerfed by life. Original work I'm writing rn is affair-based too... I'm on a messy gay bitches kick I guess lol. No smut in this one.

For the uninitiated, part one is here. On Ao3, I've just added this as a 2nd chapter.

Words: 3.6k Tags: pre-canon, extramarital affairs (reader's married to a gal), chalk full of messy drama, this is like a situationship but even more evil

The bruises Arthur left lasted for nearly two weeks.

You're thankful that the soreness wasn't present for quite as long, coming in hard and fast in the morningtime. It felt like you'd sat on hot coals. Riding home was nearly unbearable, and not only because — for some reason that couldn't've been worth what it did to your heart — the man spent the night with you. Maybe he thought it would feel less transactional than an evening together usually must, though you'd not know. Maybe he holds every man he lays with while he sleeps.

The fact you don't know anything substantial about Arthur, sometimes, bothers you. Your wife wanted to lose her virginity on a more special occasion than her wedding day which also, sometimes, bothers you.

Anymore, you twist the ring around your finger and quiet that blackness in your gut by reminding yourself: if she's got someone else, well— haven't I?

She doesn't, you know. Never have you been one to play those petty games of accusation based only in your own sorrows. As you ready for bed, there is no other man undoing the laces of her corset. Nor does he do them up in the mornings, having learned exactly how tight she likes them done; no other woman fixes your ties when you wear one, nor goes to undo the first button of your collar because it looks less stiff this way.

Stiff is the awfulest thing, your wife believes, a man could be. You suppose you're inclined to agree, in most cases. It certainly does not ease the tension in your shoulders to know you're becoming stiff, and for reasons she's not privy to.

She hasn't got another, no.

Have you?

Firstly, it would break her heart. Or at least, you think as much. It felt too fresh to be desired how you were, openly and hotly, by Arthur. A wife should be her man's best friend and her, his, but is she too friendly? You had rolled that one around your head until the purple on your chest began to fade and you were beginning to forget, with a great sense of regret for how fast memories discolor themselves, how Arthur had looked at you that first moment alone. By then, it was beginning to aggravate you how difficult women's clothes are to do and undo.

Secondly, you hadn't been able to shake the idea that she'd find out. Someone saw you, you fear, and felt so bad for your poor betrothed that they're about to risk their own life to out you. Any minute now, two years of marriage and many more of some sort of love will be lost.

It'd been awful enough trying to fall asleep in a place with such a target over its head. It was foolish, you know now that you are no longer aroused and careless, to not find another, safer room to board in for the evening. It was foolish to feel safe because Arthur was beside you, and even more foolish to let Arthur stroke your hair. It'd only been for a moment. Your wife hasn't thought much of your requests for it every night since then, though her slender, soft fingers kept you awake and tense.

Mostly, you feel confused. Torn, more like; ripped apart. It's unavoidable, now, the answer to whether you like men or not. The wonder is so satiated, in fact, you're starting to fear that you used Arthur for your own exploration in a moment of callous selfishness led only by your prick.

It's soothed by the longing, and then you feel the pain of her delicacy. You're beginning to question if you like women or not. The answer is coming into focus the more you look at her, though she only thinks you missed her enough to be crazy for her.

God, does staring truly count as being crazy for someone?

How distant have I been?

How little have I known myself, all this time?

And yet remains the urge to be pleasant for her. To loosen your collar and yourself and have her draped over your arm, because you do still love her, even if only as some odd sort of close friend that lives with you and dotes on you and fixes your hair when it is windblown and looks at you when you light her cigarettes, because she's forgotten her matchbook again.

You fear, despite this love, you are using her.

There is still a certain, adoring pride you take in knowing how tightly to lace her corset, that she's absentminded but always remembers the dates of things, that she'll be happy if you lay out that food for the stray cats and make sure to feed her favorite one — that calico that looks like it's ninety years old — an extra slice of salami every time she goes to her sister's house for the weekend. Salami, always, because he doesn't like ham like the others do. She can tell if you're lying, somehow, so you always make certain to do it.

You aren't sure why she doesn't bring them inside the house. Sometimes you feel more kinship with the crowd of strays than you'd like.

It's an hour past noon when you hear the approaching of hooves from the parlor. Too spacious, with little to soak up the sound as it wafts in through an open window, cracked to let the summer breeze blow through the stuffy downstairs. Perfect timing, all things considered: you'd just finished a chapter of your Wilde collection.

While you sat the hardcover volume on the coffee table before the couch, you found it odd to hear hooves on second thought. Used to it, anymore, but unless your horse got out of the pasture again — possible, and very tiresome — your wife had not left on horseback.

Her friend's husband had driven by to take your ladies into town, which you declined because you did not care for the man and your wife didn't either. The thought of him wandering the city alone while the women shopped together was amusement of a cynical variety. She didn't want you to bicker with him, anyways, so you'd given her perhaps too much of your week's pay and a kiss on the forehead. She looked like a painting, which of course you told her, in her fine afternoon dress and those earrings her friend had made for her on her last birthday.

Sometimes you consider the very fine line you walk between comfort and wealth, and find yourself a little off-put by it. The house was a wedding gift, and much of it is empty still from your meager pay.

The foyer is rugged, though it needs a wash from the dust and dirt staining it. Door creaking, you try not to walk fast down the steps, though that changes when you see her being helped down from riding side-saddle on an unfamiliar horse by a man you don't recognize— right away. Talking, and she laughs, but it is strained and thick as though she's upset. You last heard that voice out of her when her father passed away.

"Sweetheart?" The brief worry flashes in your mind that she has found someone else; it's your guilt speaking. "What's goin' on?"

Her face appears from behind the broad shoulders, and she starts to meet you where you approach them. You wish your gun were not left in the bedroom, tucked into its holster on the nightstand, because there is something about all of this that is already twisting your gut.

What it is becomes clear soon enough. With her face in your hands, its makeup run down her cheeks and tracks of skin showing through her ruined rouge and eyeliner, you look over her shoulder at the man who's turned around. That thing coils tighter in your belly, twists into something even uglier than fear or anger: excitement.

His skin is beaten freshly red by the sun and his clothes are stained in traildust, but it is Arthur all the same. You should've known by that black hat, though it was too dark to have seen the scuff marks that would've told you from behind, or maybe by the way he stands. Missing the heat but as certain as he had stood staring down at where you were pressed to the wall.

Recognition flashes across his face, too, but he handles it with more grace. You realize she's began to speak, and afix her with all the confusion and sympathy you have.

"—chasin' me! Mister— oh, I didn't even ask your name," she's saying, looking back at Arthur.

He gives her a soft expression, as though she's a wounded animal. "Kilgore," he says. "Arthur Kilgore."

Had that been his name?

Perhaps it's his middle name, or his last. You could've sworn it was Callahan, but maybe in your overwraught mind the last month and a half has morphed it the same it's done to the visions of that evening. It wasn't entirely farfetched to think he might've lied in such a place, either.

She turns back to you, brows scrunched. "Mister Kilgore got them boys off my trail. God, I never should've left them two, they'll surely be worried to death, but I— I jus' wanted to be home, 'n' I hadn't any idea where they was by then." She sighs, shuts her eyes as if she can't bear to say it with her gaze on your face. The mahagony shadow is still painted on her lids. "Oh, I wish I would'a asked you to come with us, honey. I hate bein' alone in that godforesaken town."

Burying her face into your collar, she squeezes around your ribs tighter than you've ever felt, and you stroke her hair. "It's a'right," you soothe, rocking her. "You're home, now."

With her in your arms, Arthur standing awkwardly to the side, it feels— everything feels wrong. You find again that there is something missing from the way you hold her, and this is an awful moment to notice it.

"Well," Arthur says, settling his hands on his belt only to lift them in some gesture of that's enough for me. "I best be movin' on, now. I got—"

Your wife draws back, steps away to swing her body to face him. Her fingers clutch in your shirt's back, and then loosen, though her arm stays around you.

"You must stay for dinner," she says, palm open to him as if to display the offer. "It's the least we can offer. You might'a saved my life."

She turns to you, smiles and drops her tone the way she always does when she's sweet-talking. Her lashes are black and thick with mascara as she looks up through them. "And I don't know what you'd do without me."

For better or worse, you don't know either. You realize that is precisely the problem.

You flush, anyways.

Arthur begins to speak, eyes flicking between the two of you and your house, the stables out back. His face is unreadable, artfully so. You've never been more thankful, nor more curious as to how a man keeps his composure in a situation that's got you feeling like some part of you might implode, toe of your shoe antsily bouncing on the grass.

"I s'pose a hot meal does sound nice," he sighs, humble as ever. He takes his hat off, lays it over his chest. You look at your girl's hair instead, until he speaks, seeing him gesture with the gambler to her out of your peripherals. "Thank you, miss." Arthur finds your eyes, and you think maybe you see some of the tension you feel returned in them. There's a silent pointedness in how he returns his hat to his head instead of waving it towards you. "'N' you, o'course."

Feeling as though it's the right thing to do, you bring her closer by her bicep, sliding a hand around to squeeze comfortingly at the softness that her off-shoulder dress exposes of her arm. "Thank you, mister."

You'd insisted on helping with the cooking, and she insisted you keep Arthur company. It was your expected duty as the man of the house, but what a terrible choice it had seemed, and what a terrible choice it's coming to be.

Some young men had scared her half to death chasing her through the city street. She's alright, physically speaking. You'd been worried when she described it, but she swore she was untouched, which eased your concern only a little. Arthur affirmed as much.

You didn't and don't ask what he did to the boys. A feeling that he is more than he appears comes crawling up your neck, but you disregard it. A man who would stop and whisk your wife away from danger is not a man that you fear, let alone the way he'd treated you.

All you do is wonder if he realizes, based on the blasé expression on his face, the lives he touches. The way he's touched yours, twice now— you're uncertain on how it feels but, nonetheless, he has done it.

A man less keen on disturbing peace and quiet might have spoken up and said the man's got places to be, darling, and sent him away instead of inviting him inside. Punishment must make you feel better, you think, because that seems an even more terrible choice than allowing things to complicate themselves further in the name of your own relief.

Inside, once more. It was beginning to get easier to swallow the inklings of lust and the afterimages burned into your mind, but there is little to stave them off, now. Two weeks' worth of repression is brewing beneath the pressure of the half-dignified face you've kept sealed over top.

He apologizes for tracking dirt in while slipping off his boots, and that gentle consideration strikes you as too-familiar. Your wife laughs and says what a great idea before toeing off hers; all you can think of is jeans pooled around socked feet and smooth, exposed hip-bones. You clear your throat and lead them towards the sofa by a hand on her waist and his elbow.

How many lives has Arthur touched without knowing the burn he leaves behind? It's muggy in your throat, the want and the dismay and the horrible, no-good pleasure of being near him again.

As she disappears into the kitchen, he settles a respectable distance from you on the couch. The idea that he is not interested in any more fooling around makes you want to tear the skin off your hands, forcing yourself to settle for picking at the dirt gathered beneath your nails.

He looks out of place in the tidiness. You study him openly, and Arthur doesn't appear to mind. His eyes are wandering the paintings and scattered photographs on the walls. Fresh freckles are formed along his arms, or maybe you've merely forgotten them; his stomach has lost some of its fullness, which makes you glad dinner was offered and yet leaves you with questions; his his socks are holed against clean hardwood floor.

There's an awkwardness that lays only in how stilted both of you feel, though his own is considerably more concealed. It comes through in the air, a tightness in his spine. There's a thick blanket of oxygen between your bodies that you have no idea how to approach, although you know you shouldn't approach it at all.

"Nice home," Arthur says. His voice seems fuller indoors, warm and rough.

"Nice house," you agree. It's very unlike you to say such a thing. "Cigarette?"

Something ugly inside you wants to plead with him that you are not a cheater nor attached to him, though he didn't seem to care about either possibility with the promise of your warmth, and to lie and say you are only a heartless hedonist. By all accounts, most think the latter is better for a man to be.

Well, as long as he is a hedonist for another woman. You do not contemplate that, or else you'll truly go mad.

Arthur nods, a thanks under his breath. Your fingers fumble with the lighter once you've fished the carton from your breast pocket, almost dry and tasting bitterly of scraped up fuel when you drop the lever to ignite the end of your smoke. Patiently, he accepts the flame when you light his.

You feel terrible, but you yearn. He looks at your hand and he is gorgeous beneath brown lashes.

Oh, how you yearn. There is and there isn't— of so much. Does he understand what his presence is doing to you? He must, for how he turns his eyes up at you across the flame, easy and open and unspeaking but knowing.

"Wife's a pretty gal," he says, once he's settled back into the cushion. You can't decipher his tone, only to decide it's mere polite conversation. "Real sweet. Didn't think she'd ever stop thankin' me." He shrugs. "Jus' scattered some fools for her."

How pompous. You're delighted to hear so many words from him.

"She was scared," you say, as if you were the one who was there. Nothing else comes to you, so you reach over and slide the glass ashtray across the coffee to sit between you, flicking the end of your cigarette into it.

"Dunno what's wrong with fellers these days," Arthur says. He blinks and sighs, face suggesting it isn't just these days as he leans his elbows on his knees. You're inclined to agree, twisting at your wedding band with the cigarette tucked between your lips. "Lonesome lady mindin' her own business." He gestures with his hand, smoke trailing after it. "No reason to bother her."

Silence passes with ash dropped in tray, though not internally. The conversation settles and your mind is back ablaze, with a fresh coat of guilt-paint. God, she could've been kidnapped, and you're—

"Does it bother you?" You're murmuring, eyes set on his. They are clearer in the day, shades of green shining through their blue, set above dark undereyes. "That she's in the other room?"

Understanding crosses his face immediately. You aren't sure if it's an offer, if it's a question, if it's even something you should have spoken aloud. But that strength is there, that odd and nuturing kind that you simply don't have or comprehend, and you feel better that Arthur seems to know what you mean.

"No," he whispers. His voice is gravelly. "You?"

"Yes," you reply. It's the truth.

Despite it, you move closer; so does Arthur.

His hand finds your thigh and the touch sears so strongly you might jump from your skin the moment it leaves, his palm hot, back of his hand covered in hairs bleached blond by the sun. He must be a trailblazer of some sort. Somehow, the urge to know him dies.

It's more exciting this way. How quickly you've leapt from whatever aching, heart-bursting thing that was begging him back to you and straight towards skin-shallow lust. It is hot in your gut as he kisses you, cigarette pinched between his fingers as they trace your jaw, fall to rest on your neck. He tastes so familiar despite the distance between now and then, time and miles. The parlor fades and only the bar would exist, save for the daylight that threatens your hastily shut eyelids, so you squeeze them tighter and place your nose against his throat.

She's making dinner. The sounds of it haven't stopped, idle metal clicking and the sound of fresh-lit crackling in the fireplace. The racing of your heart is enough of a reminder, the anxiety that makes your hand twitch where it clings to the coarse fabric of Arthur's flannel shirt, nails digging in and slipping against it.

You withdraw, even though you want. There are not definite words for the desire, none at all, except maybe consumption or licking him clean down to the bones.

He is everything a man ought to be and Jesus, you want a man.

In the face of him the first time, the worst parts of this new self-discovery had fled and gave way to the goodness of it. All those terrible parts simmering inside you for so long flee again now that he is here, now that his stubble has roughed your chin and his spit dries on your lips once more. You were starting to fear they'd never leave, that the rot would grow stale in you and sour for as long as you lived.

You kiss him again to lick into his mouth, haphazard, all prowess lost in the celibacy since you had sex with him. He accepts it as openly as before, shows you another thing or two. Hot breath grows too loud and you withdraw despite yourself.

What to do now lingers.

You've broken whatever remaining restraint was keeping you sat at the other end of the sofa, and his hand is feeling at the softness of your inner thigh through your jeans. If you don't decide quickly, you'll be explaining a hard-on to your wife, and that thought sobers you.

You told him it bothers you that you are not alone, so he does not question it, despite his obvious disappointment, when you slide inches back to your original seat. Not all the way, but enough that when your wife pokes her head from the kitchen and asks what the silence is about, she suspects nothing more than that stiffness she dislikes so much.

[bones-of-a-rabbit]

status of babbit's life yeehaw

tl,dr: busy moving and a couple of other big life things that just complicate things, but well on the way to being back to normal! new fic chapters and better quality art coming soon.

tl,wr (too long, will read):

Helloooo what's up its me, Babbit. or Rabbit. or Bones. or Idiot Moron Menace Child, idk im not picky lol

i know a lot of you guys have been wondering wtf is up with my upload schedule lately and the extreme lack of even basic content and also i am extremely aware that i have not updated my fics in a few millennia and for that i am very, very sorry. this post is to answer a few questions you might have, if anyone was curious about the 'reason' instead of just the 'when.'

my family and i have had a hell of a year, y'all. like, jesus christ, i really hope things level out and calm down for a while once we're moved in to our new apartment bc god damn we are so tired. the list goes: 1. we got kicked out of the house we were renting-to-own bc we wouldn't be able to afford the new rate, so they gave us two months to find a new place to live (not long enough, it turns out) and then foreclosed to get us out. 75% of our belongings were still in the house when we had to leave. that includes all of our christmas ornaments- including the ones kept for decades, and the ones made by me and my siblings, and the fancy ones made from blown glass. 2. the first night out of the house, one of our dogs, freaked out by the strangeness of the situation, panicked and slipped her harness and ran off. that was over a year ago. we haven't seen her since. 3. my cat got very ill and became unable to eat. she passed away almost exactly a year ago. she had been 14-15, and had been my baby since i was maybe 8. 4. one of the tires on my dads car blew out. during the night, while it was parked on the curb so he could put the spare on in the morning, one of the in-tact tires was fucking stolen LMAO 5. we applied to rent at so many places and got rejected so, so many times. it costs money to apply, btw. we're talking like $200+. no, u don't get that money back. 6. i lost my job bc knowing i would have to work 8 hours at a job that stresses me out to the point of exhaustion (at a place where no one takes me seriously and would actively laugh at me when i try to express my need to step away for a minute) sometimes paralyzed me and made me sick to my stomach and made me feel unable to leave the house, and i called out one too many times. a day after my birthday, too! 7. just recently, like within the last week, my dad's car got fuckin totalled!!!!!

THE GOOD NEWS IS WE OFFICIALLY, FINALLY, AFTER A SOLID YEAR, HAVE AN APARTMENT!!!!! I'LL HAVE MY OWN ROOM AGAIN!!! THERE'S AN ENTIRE KITCHEN!!!!!!!

the 'oh god' news is we still have to move in, and replace a lot of the stuff that we just couldn't take with us when we moved out (mostly stuff like bookshelves, dining table, dressers, etc) AND get the few things we could cram into a storage center out and moved into the new place, which isn't a lot but at the same time is more than we can realistically handle on our own. and then, we have to get my mums cats (a pair of kitty sisters that we had to temporarily house with my aunt, who got tired of looking after them and let them outside to be outdoor cats a few months ago. yes, this was an extremely shitty thing to do, and we've been working hard to get them back safely) AND my gecko (who my cousin has been looking after, even tho feeding him worms freaks him out LMAO yes i plan on compensating him) moved in, as well... basically oh my god there is so much to worry about but at the same time it's nice to have to worry about it bc it means we're making progress sdkfhsjdkfhdsjfh

basically i am just so tired but so busy and also thinkin abt so much im so sorry for lack of stuff but i am so looking forward to being able to bounce back, pls stick with me, it'll be sorted out soon i think and then i'll hit y'all with some good stuff i promise!!!!!!!

anyway thank u guys i love u and appreciate u all for sticking around

[captainimprobable]

I've known i had a sleep disorder for like 13 years, but didn't get diagnosed with anything til last year, and until LITERALLY THIS WEEK even though it's been hard and even though I've cried over it multiple times, I've been able to be like "hehe haha i have sleepy bitch disease" but i just suddenly realized that i actually have a real, tangible disability. And I KNEW that, and I was never hung up on that word or anything, but I've been fine bc sure it's been impacting my life, but I've always managed to hold down jobs right??? And then I thought about it. I managed at Trader Joe's bc I was active all the time. So I thought "oh, okay, while i get this disorder under control, I can work retail". Except I realized that a) this disorder will never be under control, and b)i worked retail before the disorder got WORSE, like it has gotten the last couple years. because when I worked it before, sure i was tired, but because i was always moving I was fine. But NOW I also get these waves of extreme exhaustion that mean i need to take a nap RIGHT THEN, and if I don't, I get really sick. So. How am I supposed to work a retail job if there's a chance I'll be incapacitated for at least an hour in the middle of my shift? And when I worked the office job? That was remote. And looking back, I slept half the work day. (I always got my work done anyway, but NO it was not ok to sleep through the work day. I know.) So now here I am, almost 6 months unemployed, about to run out of unemployment money, JUST NOW realizing that it is not physically possible to work. And meanwhile, everyone around me just acts like either "oh haha isnt everyone tired" or like Im overdramatic and making it up. So I went on to a facebook group for people like me, and asked for advice. Every response was "Sorry, no, this never gets better! Also I haven't worked in years! Good luck! <3" And now I'm looking at the rest of my life and realizing im always going to be this way. Im always going to be living at half speed. I will never actually be able to live up to my full potential. How am I ever supposed to work? How do I make money? I've been so hopeful and blase about this whole thing for years and suddenly its not so chill anymore. I'm SO fucking SCARED and Im looking for literally any answer or any help and there is none. You can try medication, but it doesnt always work (and im doing that. and its not working.) Otherwise, ig you just...pray?????? I literally cannot feel this way forever. I cant. That is just not a life at all. What the FUCK am i supposed to do??? (And now Im freaking out bc when this all started i would fall asleep while driving. That hasnt happened since college but what if it changes? What if I cant drive anymore? So many people with these problems simply are not allowed to drive. What the fuck do I do oh my god)

[eonars]

BORINGGGGG ⬇️🚫😴🤓

Moved into my actual long term place in the city today (have been living in my department head's basement apartment thing until my contract starts and that was way out in the countryside where the university is) right now it's 10:15pm and I'm all tucked up in the brand new fresh bedding I bought today for my dinky little twin bed because this is a one room studio. Which is worth honestly bc I'm paying only approx $1k a month for it and it's smack DEEP in the city center, walking distance from the train station and surrounded by all kinds of super exciting stuff. Tomorrow I need to unpack properly and go through the box of kitchen stuff the landlord gave me and decide what I want + do a big shop of establishing kitchen essentials + possibly another less big shop of homewares and storage/organization stuff perhaps. I've also been struck with the realization that tomorrow is Saturday night and I'm in the big city and can just.....go out if I want to and easily walk back here whenever I want. I gotta go into the office on Monday even though there's nothing to do because I need to retrieve my work laptop (left it there so there'd be one less thing to move) and I figure since I'm there I can also practice the presentation I have to give at this summer school program. The summer school program that I have to leave for on Tuesday because why would I get to just chill and settle in to the new place for more than 4 days you know. But that's where the real hard work is gonna start because they're gonna have us in lectures and practical sessions on cryopreservation and laser microscopy from the getgo which is giving me the major fear cause from here on out it's Real. Like I get back from this week long program and immediately it's time for my husbandry sessions and learning to do ivf on fish and a microdissection session and signing up for the ethics in animal experimentation course and I'm getting a weird fear that for whatever reason I'll just full stop be too stupid to determine cryodamage via laser microscopy and they'll be like actually you're done just go back. Which is stupid I'm aware because obviously they know full well I'm not an expert on this stuff and I've never even done it before and accepted me anyway but still. It just feels really surreal cause I suddenly got every single thing I've ever wished for in the space of like two months and I haven't been able to shake the feeling that somethings gonna go wrong and it's all gonna disappear and I'm gonna end up back home again. Or like I'm scared it's gonna be too hard and I won't be able to do it cause they overestimated me and I have the least lab and research experience out of all these other candidates because again I'm just a minimum wage waster from california they brought in vs veterinarians and research scientists. Like if doing ivf on a zebrafish was so easy surely everyone would be doing it. I've also had an unshakeable migraine for like 3 days now and I think even though I've been doing so well at a solid 11:30 to 7am sleep sched for these last few weeks I'm gonna let myself sleep in tomorrow morning before I rise and grind and unpack. And then maybe dress up and go sip a vodka soda in a metal bar alone looking like a spooked antelope.

[nicistrying]

Sun 8th Sep

Nothing really to report, I just want to put my thoughts and feelings into the void to look back on later.

Woke up this morning feeling better than yesterday. Lay cuddling Maggie, went downstairs and watched the last episode of Bly Manor with a cup of tea. Did some housework. Got a little moody while doing it bc I remembered shitty comments my sister in law makes about the house a lot when we see her. I just think she's so fucking rude, we have a black long haired dog how are we going to have a spotless house. I clean it every fucking weekend but it literally lasts 10 minutes and everything is dirty again either from the man or the dog I live with. Anyway put my earphones in to drown out those thoughts, had a sing and dance while hoovering. Got dressed to go out to visit a load of family and got sad and overwhelmed. My mam told my nanna I would go visit her today too so we had 4 visits to do instead of 3 which would already have been tiring. So we visited step-grandma who is a pain in the arse like EVERYTHING is a drama with her she's so negative and it's exhausting (ik I can't talk atm I'm no better). Then Nanna Mary which did cheer me up a lot to be fair. She told us about her trip out to the museum with the blind society she goes out with 🥹 she's my hero. She's not blind or even partially blind, she just goes along for fun with her friend who is partially sighted. Then we went to Matt's parents' and that went pretty much how we expected it to. They were okay, it was just hard work. Then we went to see my mams and had a nice little catch up with them.

When we finally got home I was so exhausted I just crawled into bed. Had a cuddle with Maggie and got a bit sad, because I was lying in bed at 6pm duh. In hindsight I could have stretched or even just watched tv and I probably would have felt better but I just felt exposed downstairs and wanted to hide in my duvet. But I just keep thinking I still haven't had a 'day off' since before our honeymoon. Not one day where I haven't had to work, or visit someone, or go somewhere or do something. For like 3 weeks at least, and before that was the wedding. So yeah I think I'm just really tired and overwhelmed and I think that's okay. I just have to push through the work week and try to take care of myself gently, and next weekend I can relax. Matt is working all weekend so he'll have the car so I won't physically be able to go out to visit anyone lol. Anyway that's what's happening. Yo-yoing between 'I feel quite depressed and overwhelmed and shit so I must be lazy and shit' to 'it's okay that I feel shit and I just need to be nice to myself through it and try to do some things that will help'. I feel like I'm walking a veeeery thin line 😂