#since i don’t know her thoughts on jegulus yet

[allamericanb-tch]

what fic should i make my friend read next

she’s read atyd and out of the blue so far, and she is currently reading choices but i want her to have a different fic prepared to read if she finishes choices while i’m gone

[wolf-star-chaser12]

Little Notes

| Little Notes - word count: 2874 - jegulus/starchaser oneshot

no warnings |

James knew he should give the book back to Regulus, but the sticky notes inside made it almost impossible. When he opened the book to see whose it was, he didn’t expect to see several sticky notes with Regulus’ handwriting inside. 

James meant to give it back right away, he did, but the sarcastic comments and responses to the boring history book made it automatically interesting. It didn’t help that James also had a slightly massive crush on the book’s owner. 

James wanted to know everything about Regulus, Sirius was only so much help after all. He felt guilty, reading the first few notes. It felt like he was trespassing on something private even if it were only witty remarks as to why people throughout history were stupid and what they could have done better. But if he wanted to know Regulus better, there was nothing more intimate than knowing one’s thoughts.

James' curiosity overpowered his guilt. So he spent the next hour reading through the boring history book, only made better by Regulus’ remarks. At first, it was just chuckling and little huffs of laughter, but then it grew louder and louder. After three warnings to keep quiet by Madame Pince, he was finally kicked out of the library for laughing too hard and loud.

James walked up to the Gryffindor tower, wiping away tears as he remembered the whole ass paragraph Regulus wrote on why Dumbledore was incompetent and could have easily been defeated by Grindlewald. James respected their headmaster, but Regulus had some pretty strong points as to why he wasn’t truly the strongest wizard.

The Marauder’s room was strangely quiet but a quick look at the map showed that Sirius and Remus were in the astronomy tower and Peter was in the greenhouse probably checking on his plants. Another quick look showed Regulus in his room with Crouch and the Rosier twins, along with Marlene’s girlfriend, Dorcas.

James smiled as he thought of their little group, he always wondered how they managed to become friends with Pandora, but nobody could turn her away. Then again they probably didn’t need to since she was Rosier’s sister. But why Dorcas was friends with Crouch and Rosier remained a mystery. She insisted they were secretly soft and refused to let anyone know it, but she also admitted they were as insane as they appeared.

James was caught up in thoughts of Regulus and his friends, but mainly Regulus. He definitely needed to give the book back to him tomorrow. But he also wanted to know more about him. Just then, James had a brilliant idea. He would respond to each of the little comments, even the paragraph.

James spent the better part of two hours writing little responses on the sticky notes. At one point he wondered where Regulus got the sticky notes but then he quickly dismissed it thinking it wasn’t important. He was the most productive he had ever been, writing silly little responses to Regulus. If only he were this productive with his actual schoolwork. By the time he finished writing responses, Peter had already fallen asleep and Sirius and Remus stumbled in, hand in hand. 

“Prongs! You’re still awake? Don’t you have quidditch practice in four hours?” Sirius asked.

James looked at the clock that every dorm had— the only clocks that worked throughout the school, just so they could get up in time.

“Shit, I got carried away. But so do you, in case you forgot.”

Remus’ brows went up in surprise. “You’re doing homework? You? James Potter?”

“Yeah, yeah.” He rolled his eyes. He decided to go with it since he didn’t want anyone to know yet about his maybe not-so-little crush. James knew Sirius would be fine with it and support him, but things were still tense. After Regulus ran away with him, they were still trying to figure out how to be brothers again.

Thankfully the couple left him alone and he soon put away the book, falling deep asleep.

—

If James weren’t the captain of the quidditch team, he would strangle himself for making him get up so early. He wasn’t going to complain, it was worth it responding to all the little notes and getting an up-close look at Regulus’ mind.

James didn’t know when he would be able to see Regulus, at least not until dinner. Even then, he would probably be in the kitchens, away from everyone else. They didn’t have potions that day— Regulus was so smart he was in the seventh year’s class. James sighed as he thought about how smart Regulus was, how beautiful and deadly. It was his own fault when Sirius snuck up on him during the practice he was supposed to be leading.

“Okay, that’s it. Practice is over,” Sirius shouted. 

The team looked relieved to be dismissed even ten minutes earlier.

“You can’t do that,” James said in disbelief. 

“I can, I will, and I just did. Besides, you’ve hardly been leading practice today. Marlene is doing all the work.”

James felt a stab of guilt. Was he really so caught up in his thoughts of Regulus that he wasn’t able to focus on quidditch? Apparently so. He flew down with the rest of the team, hoping to avoid his best friend for a moment longer. 

“Not so fast.”

James grunted as he was pulled back hard by his quidditch jersey. He and Sirius stared at each other before James began to run his hands through his hair nervously.

Sirius sighed. “What happened?”

“What do you mean?”

Sirius punched James on the arm. “Don’t be dumb. What happened?”

“Noth– nothing happened I swear mate.”

Sirius glared at him. It was unnerving how much the Black brothers looked alike. They practically looked like twins, the only difference was their height, hair, and eyes. Not to mention the way they held themselves. But their glares could kill. Luckily for James, he was practically immune to the death glare.

Suddenly, Sirius’ eyes lit up with mischief and sheer joy. “You were thinking about someone, weren’t you?”

James grinned, unable to help it. 

Sirius gasped, “You weren’t doing homework last night were you?”

“Nope,” he continued smiling.

“What were you doing?”

James shrugged. “Eh, just writing.”

“Who is it?”

James' smile faltered then. Sirius wouldn’t be mad, but was it the right time? Regulus made him so happy with his mean comments and sarcastic responses. There had to be something wrong with James, but if there was nothing wrong with Regulus, then what was so wrong with loving him?

Oh. It wasn’t a slight crush. No, it was so much more wonderful than that. He, James Potter was in love with Regulus Black. As simple as that.

Sirius seemed to misunderstand James’ silence for something else when he pulled him in for a hug. James held him tight, not caring that it wasn’t something most boys did. But Sirius was his brother, he would gladly hug him any time.

“I won’t judge you, or be mad. You know that right?”

“I know. Just don’t know if it’s the right time to say anything.”

“That’s okay, you don’t have to. Do they make you happy?”

With no hesitation, James responded, “Yes.”

They pulled away from each other, and James’ hands were still on Sirius’ shoulders. “He makes me so happy, you have no idea.”

“Oh yeah?” Sirius said. 

“I’m just worried he doesn’t feel the same.”

“Well, if he doesn’t, it’s his loss.”

James grinned even wider. “If he doesn’t, I’ll woo him.”

They left the pitch and headed down for breakfast. James hoped he would see Regulus, even if it was in passing. James knew he and Regulus had a gap between classes around the same time, he would try to find him and give him back the book.

When the time came, James was buzzing with excitement. Just the thought of being able to talk with the beautiful boy made his heart soar. He knew he was cheesy and romantic, but that wouldn’t stop him. Looking at the map, Regulus seemed to be walking from Ancient Runes to the library. Much to James’ delight, he was alone.

He rushed through the halls, only slowing down whenever he saw a professor or prefect— even though he needn’t worry about prefects since he was Head Boy. James arrived shortly before Regulus did, which was perfect because he could say he had just found the book.

Regulus looked like a dream with his curls framing his pale face. He always looked perfect— at least that’s what James thought. Regulus walked up to the table where he left his book and looked confused for a second when he realised it was gone.

“Regulus,” James said breathlessly. “Hi.”

Regulus scowled but his ears turned slightly pink. “Where’s my book James.”

He called me James.

���Wher– oh! Here.” James handed him the book, trying not to show his nervousness. What if he didn’t like it? What if it made him mad? 

“James, why did you have my book?”

Regulus’ green and grey eyes were so pretty, James could get lost in them forever. “I just found it, I figured you didn’t want anyone to accidentally take it or put it away so I was going to give it to you but you just got here.” He was rambling and he knew it. But the boy in front of him made his mind melt like butter.

Regulus looked at the book suspiciously before saying, “Thanks.”

“Y-yeah.”

They stood there awkwardly for a few seconds. 

“Right, I’m leaving.” Regulus walked bruquely past James and out of the library. 

James was too dazed from counting Regulus’ freckles— he counted fourteen before he left. James wanted to feel a little disappointed at the interaction, but Regulus didn’t outright insult him or ignore him for once, so James was more than happy. He walked out of the library and to his next class with a lovesick expression.

—

Regulus didn’t immediately think there was anything off about the book. James seemed to be telling the truth so he wasn’t worried. He walked to his next class and met Pandora on the way.

“Did James give you the book yet?”

Regulus stopped and looked at her with a confused expression. “How did you know?”

“I know all sorts of things.”

“I know that,” he said exasperatedly. “But you know everyone’s secrets and little details. This wasn’t even a secret.”

Pandora giggled. “Of course it wasn’t a secret. I saw him take your book last night after he got kicked out my Madame Pince for laughing too loud. I was going to grab it myself but he got to it first.”

Wait what? “Last night?”

Pandora nodded. 

This instantly made Regulus suspicious of the book, but he wouldn’t be able to check it until he finished this last class. All throughout Transfiguration, Regulus’ thoughts kept straying to James and the book. Pandora said James was kicked out for laughing, but why was he laughing? Surely he wasn’t laughing at his notes, was he? 

“Panda?” he whispered, quietly enough so Professor McGonagall wouldn’t catch him.

“Yes?”

Regulus hesitated. “Why was James laughing last night?”

Pandora smiled sweetly, instantly knowing what Regulus was really asking. “Your little notes you always make.”

Regulus felt dread pool in his stomach.

“Don’t worry,” she said. “He wasn’t making fun of them, he kept muttering how funny you were and how smart too.”

Regulus felt a funny little flutter in his chest. He tried to concentrate on the rest of the lesson, but his thoughts were filled with James and his laugh. Oh, how he would give anything just to hear James laugh. The things he would do to be the one making him laugh. 

He was gone for James Potter, his brother’s best friend. 

There was no way someone like James would possibly like him. After all, he was only “Sirius’ little brother.” James would never see him any other way. Impossible.

Pandora leaned into him again. “Maybe when you stop blushing and daydreaming about him, you should open the book.”

If Regulus wasn’t blushing before, he sure was now.

As soon as Transfiguration finished, Regulus tried as subtly as possible to rush to his room. Judging by Pandora’s smile, he wasn’t that subtle to her.

When he got to his room, he noticed the curtains around Barty’s bed were spelled shut and there was a silencing charm around it. Thank Salazar, Regulus would kill Barty first and then Evan if they forgot it again.

Regulus closed his curtains but didn’t bother putting up a silencing spell. Opening the book, he had no idea what to expect, but it was not this— little notes under his little notes. Butterflies erupted all throughout his body and he knew he was sporting the biggest blush ever. He read through the notes like his life depended on it. James’ notes were variations of his if he had said something sarcastic. 

“Pathetic. I could do better.”

“Could you?”

“Honestly, I’ve never seen so little common sense from someone. There’s a reason history is documented just so people don’t repeat it.”

“Clearly this guy doesn’t understand that.”

“I could’ve done that in half the time and with less mess.”

“I would love to see that happen.”

“She left obvious traces. I wouldn’t have gotten caught.”

“She truly shouldn’t have left the gloves there.”

Some were actual notes that gave his opinion, meaning James took the time to read through the passage of a class he was no longer in, just to give his insight. It was the most adorable thing Regulus had seen. The giggle slipped past his lips before he blushed in embarrassment at the noise.

A dramatic gasp sounded from Barty’s bed. “Did you hear that Rosie?”

Regulus shoved the book under his pillow.

Evan pulled back Regulus’ curtains with delight. “It was actually Regulus.”

“Impossible,” Barty said.

“Bat, do you think someone is using polyjuice potion?”

“No one is dumb enough to sentence themselves to death by impersonating Reg.”

“I’m right here,” Regulus scowled.

“You just fucking giggled,” said Evan.

“Shut up,” he growled. Regulus shot them a glare that made them fidget from nervousness. 

Barty dropped it, surprisingly. “We’re about to go to dinner, you coming with us?”

Regulus sighed. “I’ll meet you there.”

They smiled and left the room. 

Regulus spelled his curtains shut and cast a silencing charm this time. He grabbed his pillow and screamed into it before dissolving into giggles. He put the pillow back and took a few breaths to regain his composure before heading to the Great Hall.

—

James swore he wasn’t stalking Regulus, maybe, but when he looked at the map and saw Regulus heading towards the Great Hall, James jumped up and nearly ran to intercept him. He didn’t know what he was going to do or say, but he would figure it out.

Turning the corner, he nearly tackled Regulus to the ground. The boys jumped back before either one could get hurt. Much to James’ delight, he noticed Regulus blush from his ears to his neck before he scowled.

“Do you ever pay attention?”

“To you, yes,” James smiled.

Regulus gaped and flushed a deeper red before he found his words. “You shouldn’t go through other people’s property.”

“Yes, well, it’s technically not yours but the library’s.”

Regulus raised his brow. “Why?”

“Why what?”

Regulus cleared his throat. “Why the notes?”

James hesitated. “Because… You never really talk to me— in fact, this is the longest conversation we’ve had. It felt like it was the only way I was going to talk with you.”

Regulus studied him carefully, visibly relaxing. “I’m not, I don’t.” He took a deep breath. “I’m not good at talking.”

“I know,” James smiled fondly. 

“Then why bother trying?”

“I want to get to know you, Reg.”

“But why?” he asked softly.

Forget wooing, James would just tell him. Maybe not that he was in love, but that he had feelings.

“I like you. As in, I fancy you and want to date you.”

Regulus stared at him with wide eyes. When he still hadn’t responded, James began to get nervous.

“I-I mean of course, if that’s something you’d like. I probably shouldn’t have sprung this on you since you don’t like talking about feelings or feelings in general. But I like you and I was planning on wooing you but then I thought it would be better to just tell you but you probably don’t like me back and I should’ve stuck with wooin–”

James’ rambling was cut off. Because Regulus Black kissed him. He was kissing Regulus Black. In the hall where anyone could walk by and see them. 

He was kissing Regulus.

“I’m not good at talking.” Regulus looked at James. Green and grey on hazel eyes. “But I can try to show you.”

“I’ll take anything and everything you have to give me.”

“It’s not very much, James.”

“It’s everything to me.”

“Even the little notes?”

“Even the little notes.”

James took Regulus to the kitchen for their first unofficial date. It might have taken them longer than necessary because James kept stopping to kiss Regulus.

[thestarslittleking]

Could you write a jegulus fight about the fact that regulus and Barty used to fuck and James just found out?

Here you go, sorry about the wait. And my disappearance but I hope you enjoy <3

“I’m just not understanding what the big deal is.” Regulus says from against the the wall. They’ve been actually going at it for the past 20 minutes but this argument really started the previous night when Regulus’s and James’s friends had their monthly get together.

Since Regulus and Sirius started fixing their relationship and he and James started dating, much to the dismay of the older Black Brother, the two groups have been hanging out once a month to try and ease tensions. There were still some issues as it would appear.

“The big deal? How do you not see what the big deal is? I’ve been explaining the big deal to you for the past 20 minutes!” James, who is growing increasingly frustrated, is pacing the length of the Astronomy tower, a habit he picked up to help get the inside energy out.

“James, Barty and I fucked around in 4th year, 4th. That was 2 years ago. It doesn’t mean anything now and it doesn’t matter anymore. Why won’t you listen to me?” Regulus hates when they fight, they don’t do it often but when they do, they really go at it.

“It matters because your still friends.”

“Oh, like you and Lily?” Regulus raises a brow.

“Like me and- Regulus, what does Lily have to do with anything?” James rubs his hand down his face, under his glasses, over his eyes, then across his mouth.

You were in love with her for years, James, years. And yet, you two are still the best of friends.” Regulus has taken on an accusatory tone.

“In love with- Regulus, I was never in love with Lily. It was always you, it’s always been you, and it will always be you. There has never ever been anyone else for me. From the moment Sirius dragged you into our compartment my 2nd year I have loved you. But I couldn’t have you, Sirius would’ve lost his mind, and you, you walked around like I was the literal bane of your existence. Sirius was insistent that I had a crush on someone no matter how much I denied it. I had to choose someone and I knew Lily would never like me.” James sucks in air when he’s finished.

“I never hated you. Angry at you, jealous of you maybe, but I never hated you. I was angry because it felt like you had stolen my brother. Jealous because he couldn’t stopped talking about you, I felt like I wasn’t good enough for him anymore. I wanted to hate you, I swore myself to it even. But when I met you, James it felt like I had seen the sun for the first time.” Regulus takes a deep breath and calms down before continuing, “You wanna know why me and Barty fucked around 4th year?”

“Yes. No. Maybe. I don’t know, I’m scared I’m not going to like the answer.”

“Because I couldn’t have you.”

“What…?” James’s tone is a mixture of confusion and disbelief.

“No matter how much I looked at you, you never looked back. You were too busy looking at Evans. And that hurt. Well one day Barty and I had gone into Hogsmeade because Evan, Pandora, and Dorcas were busy. We had gotten into town and we’re walking about the shops when we saw you and Evans. You had somehow gotten lost from your group and so it was just the two of you. Seeing you together the only thought in my mind was ‘why couldn’t that be me? Barty noticed my mood shift so we left to go get drink in our dorm. Yes I know it’s prohibited, but it’s Barty and Evan we’re taking about here. But anyways we got drunk, and Barty who was hopelessly in love with Evan asked why we couldn’t just fall in love with eachother. One thing led to the next and we ended up fucking. We thought it was a one time thing but then Evan was caught kissing a girl in a broom closet and rumors of you and Evans started. So we fucked again. And again. And again. Never in my life had someone looked back James, never had I been good enough. But me and Barty understood eachother, and we made eachother feel not just wanted but needed. I wasn’t Evan and he wasn’t you but for 8 months I had someone and someone had me back. So we continued fucking the rest of the year then when we came back from the summer going into 5th year we just stopped. Never spoke about it again.” Regulus sighs, his voice tired “So yes, Barty and I fucked around 4th year, and yes he’s one of my closest friends to this day. But he was never ever you, and he never could be. So our brief entanglement means nothing now, and quite frankly I wouldn’t touch his dick with a spell now. You understand now?”

James stays silent as he walks up and his Regulus tightly. They stay like that for several moments. He kisses the top of his head and puts Regulus’s face in his hands.

“Look at me, I have always, always looked back. I’m sorry I didn’t make it more obvious. I’m even more sorry for not listening to you earlier and starting this whole argument, I know how much you hate when we fight. I think I’m just terrified that one day you’ll realize you could have better than me, that I’m not actually the man you want. So when I found out about Barty, I panicked, because he had you before so what stopping him from taking you and having you again you know? I love you. You hear me? I love you. And I am so so sorry.”

“I love you more. I’m sorry I disregarded your feelings, it obviously was a big deal to you and I shouldn’t have acted like it wasn’t. Your feelings are valid, and I’m proud of you for sharing them with me. The fight wasn’t just your fault, I should’ve talked about it with you and let you calm down instead of fueling the fight. I’m sorry I didn’t tell you sooner, it just genuinely was not important to me so I didn’t think to tell you about it. But listen to me. I love you. I want only you. In this lifetime and in every other. You have no competition. I’m yours. And if it makes you feel better, you can leave hickies on me so everyone knows.” Regulus kisses James quickly, “oh and as for what stopping him? My undying love for you, my self respect and standards, and my homicidal tendencies”

James starts laughing “C’mon, let’s get to bed. I’m exhausted,” James sobers up and whispers in Regulus’s ear “But first I have to get a start on those hickies.”

[nerdcousin]

Do you ever just think of a different universe, in which the marauders realise that they are being dicks in like third year or something when it isn’t too late yet, and they stop bullying Snape, and apologies; and Snape (and a good few of the other Slytherins bc that whole portrayal is just lazy writing in my opinion) don’t have as much of a problem with muggles (probably because they actually spend time with people who don’t have blood supremacist views/have positive examples of muggles and muggle borns, depending on case); and they all become friends.

And when Regulus comes to Hogwarts Severus befriends him, and ofc he’s Sirius’ brother. And because he’s obviously friends with other Slytherins as well, and he introduces them to the marauders and their other friends and thus the gap between Slytherin and Gryffindor starts to mend.

A good few more people find out about Rem being a werewolf and become animagi. Lily also befriends the Marauders and stats dating James earlier (canonically she couldn’t stand at least James and Sirius until sixth year).

All the friend groups (Marauders, Snape’s gang, Slytherin Skittles etc) become intermingled. These people all get invited to so many weddings and anniversaries after Hogwarts, it is actually ridiculous. The wizarding world, canonically-ish, has no issues with queer people so whatever rocks your boat works. Charora, wolfstar, jili, sevity, snulciber, Jegulus, rosekiller, marily whatever you want.

And Sev isn’t mentally quite as fucked about Lily’s death, but now he’s of course also sad about James, Sirius and Peter, and Regulus, but he’s got other friends too, ones that are not death eaters, so he isn’t (actually) one either, and he’s mentally just more healthy. We’ll just say he still becomes a spy for the Order for the sake of convenience.

Remus is left mourning Regulus and his other new friends after the war, but the wizarding community is stronger, and he had more support.

The Order is also in a better position because the kids managed to change the views of their age group so drastically.

If you have ideas for other characters, please add, idk too much about them cuz I tend to fixate on just a handful of characters but I would love to read your thoughts.

When Snape goes to teach at Hogwarts he isn’t a downright antisocial asshole like he is in canon so he becomes part of the Big Happy Hogwarts Staff Family. (If you know fics for this trope please tell me I am starved)

He’s also actually a good teacher, because he has always been competent, and since he’s healed from his own trauma much better than in canon, he isn’t an utter arse to everyone.

And when Remus comes to teach they instantly become, or rather re-become, rampaging bffs.

When the staff starts a prank war they team up, and no one stands a chance against the man who knows virtually every potion in existence and the literal former marauder.

Sirius gets pardoned, because this time both Remus and Severus are willing to hear him out. Peter still escapes because Remus transforms, but everyone present demands Sirius is questioned with verita serum. Professor Binns is finally retired/exorcised, and Sirius becomes the History of Magic Professor. (Idea for this from Oh God, Not Again on AO3)

Remus still has to leave because of the curse, but he drops by now and again, now that his boyfriend and hopefully-soon-to-be-but-we-all-know-it’s-gonna-happen-so-soon-to-be fiancé works there. Harry never goes back to the Dursley’s.

Snape eats dinner with the other members of the Order. His hair isn’t greasy, because he isn’t too depressed to wash it. Minerva and Poppy (they are married btw) are mother figures for him, as well as the Marauders. Snape isn’t Nevils biggest fear, because he isn’t a bully. Everyone is actually shocked when he kills Dumbledore, and he is just generally more well liked.

Umbitch doesn’t know what hit her when she comes face to face with not only the Weasley twins and the contempt of the entire student body and faculty, but also prank-planing mastermind and gay disaster Sirius Orion Black the Third.

Draco isn’t a twat, or at least not as much, because his parents weren’t as bad as they are in canon. Him and Harry start dating.

Harry’s name-choice for his kid(s) isn’t terrible.

The marauders era gang comes together in the afterlife by the end of the second war and ‘lives’ happily ever after. The rest of course join then eventually, but they’ve got their lives to live at first.

Like these characters could have ALL had such beautiful relationships with each other, platonic and romantic, but nO, they HaTe each other and they have too much tRaUmA

Feel free to add and comment, but (and the fact that I feel I need to say this says a lot about this fandom or at least my experiences with it) if you’re going to insult me for liking certain characters or having certain head canons, just don’t. You don’t like, scroll.

[supernova-stardust]

A Tender Thing

an ongoing jegulus long fix if fic set during the first wizarding war, non canon compliant, with prominent wolfstar. also featuring background rosekiller, pandalily, dorlene, and emmary. updates 2-4x monthly. 18+!! explicit content.

chapters 1-10 on ao3 total word count: 44,954

chapter 2 after the break, word count: 4,435

Dorcas makes her way back through the garden, avoiding the couples making out amongst the shrubbery. She’d really rather not have to explain to Walburga that she caught Rabastan making out with Crabbe, so avoiding the interaction altogether is ideal, to say the least.

She enters the parlor, scanning the room as subtly as possible. Hopefully no one even noticed that she slipped away as soon as she noticed Sirius. Honestly, what were they even thinking coming here? Grimmauld Place is probably one of the most dangerous places for Sirius to be, let alone during a party where every witch and wizard who has pledged themselves to the Dark Lord has gathered for the evening. Noticing that Evan and Barty are still near the furthest wall, she makes her way through the crowd to them.

“Hey,” Evan beams at her. “Isn’t this party just the best? I mean, the groom-to-be is simply eating up all this attention.” He gives her a pointed look, clearly expecting her to know where Regulus has disappeared to. They all know that Regulus would rather drown than be the center of attention at a party like this, but usually he’d at least uphold his polite duties and greet their guests. Dorcas glances around and notices that Narcissa is beaming, Walburga at her side.

“I have no idea where he went, but I’m sure he’ll show up soon. We did drink a little before this, he probably just needed a moment to regroup. You know how he gets.”

“This is all such bullshit anyway,” Barty laments. “It’s no wonder he snuck away the moment he could. I’m looking for the next opportunity myself. This shit is so fucking boring.”

“Listen,” Evan sounds exhausted as he soothes Barty, rubbing his hand up his arm and clasping his bicep. “You’re the one who wanted to join the Death Eaters, you brought this upon yourself.” Evan’s voice drops down to a whisper, “I tried to convince you not to take the Mark.”

“Yeah, well I didn’t think it would include shit like this. I thought it would be more fighting for our lives, action adventure vibes, not hoity-toity parties and playing dress up.” Barty clearly looks put off. To anyone outside of their friend group, they’d be appalled by Barty’s attitude, but they both know that this is just a cover for his real feelings. He’s been regretting signing his life away for a while now, even if he did it because he loves Evan dearly. The only person who ever understood Barty fully was Evan; where he goes, Barty goes. To the ends of the earth or with a mark on his arm.

“Look,” Dorcas snaps in their faces to regain their attention. “I don’t know where Regulus went, but if anyone comes looking for him we need to distract them. Put on your best smiles, be polite, and avoid any firm answers. I’m going to go look for him, if any of us can find him it’ll be me.”

She waits for them both to nod and acknowledge the plan, watching as they head into the crowd. She has to find Regulus before Walburga notices he’s gone.

***

“What the fuck are you doing?” Regulus spits at him, dilated eyes frantically scanning his face. James glances down at their joined hands and feels his cheeks heat. He can’t believe he grabbed Regulus’ hand and he’s not dead yet. Suddenly he has some semblance of self preservation and drops Regulus’ hand, looking around the space they’ve claimed as their own.

“I honestly have no idea,” James says. Reaching up, he removes the mask covering his face as he turns around to really look at Regulus. It’s like he’s never really looked at him before. To be fair, it has been nearly ten years since they’ve been near one another, but Godric. Regulus has grown to be one of the most beautiful people he’s ever laid eyes on. All sharp edges and elegance. James would do anything to get close to him, even if it means he bleeds.

James always knew that gender didn’t particularly matter for him in terms of attraction, he simply appreciates beauty and all things beautiful. The world that he was raised in hates people for being queer, but really, when the world he knew has become loyal to a dark wizard hellbent on killing anyone who isn’t a pureblood, are those the standards we should be going by? James thinks not. But he’s never really felt anything towards a man before this very moment. He’s never really felt much for anyone, if he’s honest. Sure, there was Lily back when they were teens, but that ship has sailed. He tried to kiss her once and she looked at him and laughed, clasped her palm on his cheek, and told him that he was cute but she only liked girls.

That’s not to say he hasn’t had his handful of trysts. Whenever they go out for drinks in muggle London, James always ends up hooking up with someone, never remembering their name or really anything other than the fact that they were pretty.

Regulus isn’t just pretty though, he’s devastatingly beautiful. This feels different from simple attraction; that he knows he could handle. Sirius is going to kill him for this, but the more he thinks about it the less he cares. Maybe James could convince Regulus to come back with him, maybe then Sirius wouldn’t be so mad at him.

“I know I shouldn’t have come here in the first place, but Sirius–” James starts.

“You should have told Sirius he doesn’t belong here, James!” Regulus hisses, pacing around the space and gradually looking more like a caged animal.

“Why doesn’t he? You’re his brother, Regulus! I know he won’t admit it, but he misses you,” James says. Sirius never talks about his brother, it became a banned conversation after that first night he moved in with the Potters, but James knows Sirius as well as the palm of his own hand. Sirius would do anything to have Regulus back in his life.

“He’s not mine anymore, James,” Regulus bites back. “He decided not to be my brother, not the other way around. This conversation is over, you need to leave.” Stopping his pacing in front of James, he lifts both arms to shove at his chest. James clasps his hands over his wrists, pulling Regulus close and making him stumble into his body. Their chests collide and James hears a sharp intake of breath. They’ve never been this close before and James thinks that they should never be further apart again.

“James,” Regulus whispers so softly he can barely hear it. “What are you doing?” He’s not pulling away or fighting this, he’s not telling him no.

“I’m going to kiss you,” James whispers just as sweetly, waiting for him to say no. Regulus looks up at him with wide eyes, a soft blush dusting his cheeks, his lips slightly parted. He doesn’t say no.

James dips his face down, catching Regulus’ lips in his. The first kiss is soft, tender and timid. He stays as still as he can, nervous to scare Regulus away, keeping his hands to himself. Then Regulus opens his mouth for him and at the first sweep of his tongue, James is ravenous. They kiss like they’ve been starved for each other their entire lives. He thinks that this is what he was made for, kissing and holding Regulus Black is his life’s calling.

James releases his wrists and buries a hand into Regulus’ dark curls, wrapping his other arm around his back and pulling him as close as possible. Their kisses grow more and more hungry and needy, Regulus’ hands wrap around him and grab at his clothes, roving over his body. James never wants this to end.

And then it does, just as suddenly as it began. Regulus is pushing away at him and brushing his hands through those beautiful curls that James just had his fingers in, erasing any evidence that he was there. His lips are rosy from their kisses and they’re both breathing heavily. “You need to leave.”

Oh.

Oh.

Regulus was never going to allow this to happen, was he?

“Just tell me why,” James’ voice cracks in despair. He can feel his eyes brimming with tears, but he refuses to cry right now. Not until he knows for sure that Regulus never wants to see him again.

“Why what?” Regulus sounds so small and James can see that he’s mentally shutting himself down, refusing to allow himself to feel anything. It’s that fact alone that gives him hope. He knows that Regulus felt just as much as he did in those kisses, even if he won’t admit it right now.

“Why did you let me kiss you,” he pushes.

“Because I had always wanted to know what it felt like,” Regulus murmurs as he begins slowly backing away.

James stops himself from following. “What do you mean,” he asks gently, not wanting to scare him off until he gets his answer.

“I always wanted to know what it felt like to be kissed by the sun.”

He slips away through the branches of the willow tree into the night leaving James to contemplate how he really might have just fallen in love with Regulus Black.

***

Regulus is walking as fast as he can through the gardens, refusing to allow himself to look back at that willow tree where his entire life changed. He can’t believe he actually kissed James Potter.

Fuck.

This changes everything and nothing.

He can’t allow himself to think about the implications of James kissing him, if he does he’ll fall apart at this damn party. Just a couple more hours, then he can dissolve into a puddle of tears in the privacy of his bedroom. He nestles himself on the ground between some shrubs and does his breathing exercises, counting in and out for five. For a moment it works and then he’s thinking about Sirius and James and how much danger they’ll all be in if this goes to shit.

No, Regulus has to keep himself composed so that no one suspects a single thing. He’s already screwed up enough for one lifetime, there’s no room for any more mistakes.

It’s hard to know where his first mistake happened, all he knows is that it was a series of terrible events happening one after the other while he was powerless to stop any of it. Sirius left and he didn’t follow, couldn’t because of the spell Walburga had on him. But even if his body wasn’t spelled to kill his own brother, would he have left with him? He honestly can’t answer that question and that scares him the most. Nothing good happened after that night. He took the Dark Mark, binding his life to the Dark Lord’s, and vowed to himself that he would do everything he could to defeat him. By being close to him and all of his servants, he believed that would be enough to learn his secrets and destroy him. Naivety, at best.

Voldemort doesn’t share anything with anyone. Lies and half truths and orders with no context is the most information Regulus has ascertained in all these years. Besides the Horcrux.

The fucking Horcrux.

If the Horcrux didn’t exist then Regulus can guarantee he wouldn’t still be stuck here right now, miserable, marrying his cousin, and wishing that he could be marrying James Potter instead. Wait, he might be crazy. Slow down, all he did was kiss you, that doesn’t mean he wants to fucking marry you.

But they can’t get married because the Horcrux exists and Regulus can’t figure out how to destroy it undetected. Regulus can’t figure out if there’s more of them either, and if Voldemort can sense that one of them has been destroyed, figuring out if there are any more is going to be even more difficult than it has been the last few years. He has a gut feeling that if there’s one, there’s others. One doesn’t become that disfigured and revolting without fracturing your soul into many pieces.

Regulus is fucked.

At least when James existed as a concept in his diaries instead of as someone who seems to actually want him back it was a lot easier for Regulus to pretend that he didn’t exist and he could continue wasting his life away, waiting for the day he would finally figure out how to defeat Voldemort. Now he has to return to this farce of a party and pretend to be overjoyed about marrying his cousin.

He can’t stand the idea of leaving James alone under that willow tree either, but he knows that if he hadn’t been the stronger person and left, they would have been caught. At least now James has a moment to compose himself and sneak out undetected.

Regulus breathes, counting in and out for five a few more times in an effort to build up his emotional walls before he can carry on the charade.

“There you are!”

Regulus nearly jumps from his skin at the sound of Dorcas’ voice, not expecting anyone to find him crouched between some shrubs practically hyperventilating. So much for breathing exercises, he supposes.

“Here I am,” he sighs. He knows he looks a mess and he’ll trust Dorcas to tell him so. She does, crouching down to his level and fussing with his hair, running her cool fingers over his cheeks to try and calm the flush there.

“You’ll tell me what happened,” she starts. He barely opens his mouth to object before she continues. “After you make your appearances. It’s been too long, people are getting suspicious. Narcissa has been a dream, as I’m sure you’ve been relying on.” Dorcas stands on her feet and stretches her hand out for him to grab as he rises. She helps him brush the dirt and dead leaves off his robes and they head back into the parlor together.

The rest of the party is a blur of polite niceties that Regulus truly doesn’t care to remember. After a few more hours, he says his goodbyes and retreats to his bedroom, giving Dorcas a glance as he goes that she only understands from years of breaking rules together.

***

Dorcas swipes a bottle of whiskey from the bar as she makes her way up to Regulus’ room. When she went looking for him earlier, she didn’t expect to find him quite so sad. She knows something happened beyond the marriage finally setting in and so they’ll need alcohol.

Weaving down the hallways that she’s always found quite creepy, she arrives at his door, lightly knocks with one knuckle, and lets herself in. Regulus is pacing. Honestly, she’s surprised there isn’t a path in the hardwood floor from how often he’s paced in the last few years, but he seems even more stressed than usual in the speed he’s pacing.

“What happ–”

“He kissed me,” Regulus interrupts before she can finish her question. Well, that’s not the answer she was expecting. “Who?”

“James fucking Potter, Dorcas. Him and Sirius and their stupid friends came here tonight,” he pauses, looking at her with fear and agony and something she can’t quite place. Dorcas knows right now that she has to let him work through his emotions before he’ll continue, so she waits patiently as he collects himself. He looks so small as he worries at his lip and breathes for a few moments before continuing.

And he tells her all about how James was alone by the time he went outside to tell them all to leave. How James grabbed his hand and kissed him under the willow tree. And how Regulus pushed him away, telling him to leave. “I’ve had a crush on him since I first met him, Dorcas.”

This breaks Dorcas from her self imposed ‘listen but do not react’ rule. “Why didn’t you ever tell me? I told you all about every cringey crush I had growing up! You even knew about Mulciber, Reg.”

“Is this really what you want to focus on right now? Mulciber?”

“Oh fuck off, you know that’s not what it’s about,” Dorcas groans. “I just didn’t think we still kept things from each other, y’know? I don’t keep anything from you.”

“Dorcas, there’s so many things that I can’t tell you,” he murmurs, avoiding her eyes. She unscrews the cap to the bottle of whiskey and takes a long drink. When she’s done she holds the bottle out to him as an offering.

“You can tell me, you know. I’m not as fragile as you pretend I am,” she gives him a knowing smirk. Regulus has always protected her and she knows it, even if he’ll never admit it. That’s just his way, suffer in silence and protect the people he loves at all costs, even at a detriment to himself.

“Dorcas,” Regulus takes a deep breath and a long sip. He casts a silencing charm around them before he says his next words. “What do you know about Horcruxes?”

“Reg, don’t tell me you’re considering making one. I know that–”

“Not me, fuck, never me. The Black’s practice dark magic, but I’d never dream of that.”

“Okay, so who?” Regulus just stares at her. He takes another drink, much longer than the one before, passes the bottle back to her and crosses his room. He crouches on the floor and she can hear him fussing with a loose floorboard. When he rises again, he’s carrying a necklace in his hands, the pendant shining softly in the dim light of his room.

As he approaches, she can feel the dark magic radiating off the necklace and sips more whiskey to give her some courage. “Reg, please tell me that’s not a very dark and very powerful wizard who has our lives in the palm of his hands’ Horcrux that you’re holding right now and hiding under a floorboard.”

“Okay, I won’t,” Regulus says dryly. “Or, you could tell me what you do know about Horcruxes and I can tell you what I know and you can help me.”

Dorcas honestly doesn’t know if Regulus has ever willingly allowed her to play a part in his plans and maybe this is just because they’ve finally reached an age where their brains have finally fully developed, but she’s relieved by the change in his attitude. She knows this is a precious and gentle gift that he’s given her and she refuses to squander it.

“Not much, just the whole division of the soul bit.”

“Do you know how to destroy them,” he asks with trepidation.

“No, they didn’t exactly cover dark magic in Hogwarts.”

“Neither do I,” he says as he slowly lets the necklace drop from one hand to another, the chain making a soft metallic noise. “I’ve had this since seventh year.”

“I’m sorry– What?”

“Dorcas, I’ve been so afraid,” he whispers. “I just wanted to keep everyone safe, and I have, but everyone is going to die if we don’t figure this out and I don’t think I can do it alone anymore.” He crosses the room to put the locket away and sits on the edge of his bed, holding his hand out in a silent request for more alcohol. She sits next to him as she hands him the bottle. They remain this way for a few more minutes, silently passing the bottle back and forth.

“Okay, so he hasn’t figured out that the Horcrux has been missing this entire time? Where did you even find this?”

“That’s the thing, you remember how I was as a teenager,” he laughs. “I had to make sure that if he found out it was gone, that he knew it was me. I wanted the credit, you know. I just didn’t have the foresight to imagine not being able to destroy it.”

“Reg,” she breathes. “What did you do?”

“I left a note inside a replica, even signed off R.A.B. for good measure.”

“What the fuck?”

“I know,” he sighs as he flops backwards onto the bed. His hair fans out around him and he looks absolutely exhausted. Now she understands, if this is what’s been looming over him all these years.

“Okay, so we figure out how to destroy the Horcruxes. No big deal,” she says as she flops back to join him in staring at the ceiling. “I’ll scour the Meadowes family library tomorrow, there’s got to be something in there that you just haven’t had access to.”

“You can’t tell anyone.” He turns his head to look at her. “Not even Evan or Barty. I shouldn’t have told you, this puts you in so much danger. If Voldemort even suspects that you know anything, he’ll rip his way right into your mind and steal every thought you’ve ever had about him. You’ll have to practice your Occlumency and in the meantime, pass any books that you think may have information directly to me without reading them. I can filter the information myself.”

“We’ll get through this Reg.”

“I hope you’re right.”

Dorcas stays late into the night, the two of them deciding to switch to lighter topics such as how beautiful James looked tonight, rather than focusing on things they can’t change right now. She heads home long after Grimmauld Place has emptied of other guests. She doesn’t ever feel up to telling Regulus that she spoke to his brother today. She promises to herself that she will another day, but she has a feeling that knowing how close he came to interacting with Sirius might hurt him too deeply to cope tonight. When Dorcas’ head finally hits her pillow, she finds her mind wandering to a beautiful woman with golden hair and wild eyes.

***

Remus guides Sirius through the door to their flat, wrapping his arm around his waist. Sirius hasn’t said a word the entire time they walked home. Walked, because Sirius clearly needed the time to process what had happened and they both needed the fresh cold air to sober themselves up. Between the two of them, they smoked a whole pack of cigarettes, and Remus is honestly wishing he had stopped by the shop to grab more before they made their way here.

They make their way inside and finally, Sirius breaks the silence with a gut wrenching sob. Remus folds Sirius into his body, wrapping his arms around him and rubbing his back. His shirt soaks up Sirius’ tears and he hums a soothing melody. They remain like this for a minute or an eternity, Remus isn’t sure, until Sirius finally looks up. Remus wipes away the tears staining his face with his thumbs and gently brushes his hair from his face.

“Love,” Remus says, breaking the silence. “Do you want to talk about it?”

Sirius shakes his head, closing his eyes. “No. Yes? Oh, I don’t know.”

“It’s okay not to know how you feel.”

“I just don’t know why he wouldn’t come with me that day. I thought I had gotten past that, but being there, in that place, seeing him? It put me right back to the day I left, Moony. All I could think about was his face when I asked him to leave and he said no. He looked horrified, I’m pretty sure he was scared, but I don’t know why he’d choose them and not me. We always chose each other, why couldn’t he have picked me when it really mattered?”

“I don’t know, Pads. It’s not fair for either of you. I can’t imagine the hurt you’ve been carrying all these years.”

Sirius’ body wracks with sobs again, curling back into Remus. They stay this way for a long time before Remus finally guides him to their bedroom. Remus sits Sirius down on the edge of the bed and helps him strip down to his boxers, throwing the discarded clothes on the floor to be dealt with later. Sirius continues to cry softly as Remus gently tucks him into bed and then chucks his own clothes off onto the floor in the same manner. He pulls the blankets back to wrap his body around Sirius’ and settles into bed.

“Moony?”

“Yeah?”

“I love you.”

“I love you too, Pads. I’ll always choose you.”

***

James’ mind's going a mile a minute by the time he makes his way back into his bedroom at Potter Manor. He kissed Regulus Black. Like, for real. He didn’t just hallucinate it. And Godric, it was the best kiss of his life. He jumps onto his bed, bouncing on his back and kicks his feet in the air for a few moments. He’s so giddy, he feels like he could fly.

He doesn’t know what to do next though. Regulus pushed him away, which should discourage him. I mean, Regulus is literally a part of one of the most loyal families to Voldemort, that alone should be enough to tell him this is all a terrible, awful idea. But what if he could convince him to leave? Sirius couldn’t when they were teens, but has enough time passed that Regulus could be open to reconsidering his position in the war? Can he even reconsider his position now that he’s taken the Dark Mark? James isn’t sure, but he’s willing to try anything to convince Regulus to leave.

Then he has a pathetic thought. What if Regulus just wanted to kiss him to see what it was like? What if he didn’t like kissing James? No, those kisses were electric. There’s no way he didn’t enjoy himself as much as James did. Is there? What makes James think that just a few kisses in the dark will convince Regulus to leave everything he knows and join him in the fight against Voldemort anyway? He’s getting carried away. He has to see him again.

Now that he knows how to enter the gardens through the back, he needs to go and see Regulus again this week. They just need to have a proper talk about their feelings and then he’ll know where they stand. Yeah, they’re both adults, they can do that. He doesn’t know what room is Regulus’, but hopefully it’ll be easy enough to figure out from outside.

Okay, he has a game plan. Sneak back to Grimmauld Place, knock on Regulus’ window, and tell him he’s wild about him and please, please, please run away with me. What could go wrong?

[miela]

I do not think Jegulus is inherently misogynistic but I think their existence as a popular ship perfectly showcases the larger problem of misogyny in the Marauders fandom.

This fandom is painfully male centered with an unhealthy obsession with mlm ships, no matter how nonsensical they are. Jegulus, with all due respect, is a nonsense ship. I know some people like to ignore canon and make everything up but I don’t. Jegulus can work fine in AUs but not in canon compliant fics. And whenever Jegulus shippers speak about what makes them compelling, they always bring up tropes - brother’s best friend, sunshine x grumpy (don’t even get me started on thinking James Potter is a sunshine but that’s beside the point), enemies to lovers, etc. All that is meaningless to me. Shipping based on tropes is ridiculous because none of those tropes matter when James and Regulus, from what we know of their characters, are completely incompatible as people. I won’t speak on Regulus because we have little information about it and it’s easy to treat him as a blank sheet (although I think he’s too whitewashed) but we know a lot about James, including that he despised Slytherins, Death Eaters and the dark arts. So, in order for Jegulus to work, James has to become an unrecognizable character from what he actually is in canon. You are not writing about James Potter. You are creating an OC and slapping James’ name on it. Jegulus was born out of this weird necessity the fandom has for mlm ships. Take Drarry and Wolfstar as an example. Those ships aren’t canon but they have some canon basis because those couples interacted, had a dynamic together, had interactions and lore that could be interpreted in different ways. With Jegulus, it’s all made up.

And this leads me to Lily and by extent, the other girls. Lily was the main female character in the Marauders Era and Jily was the second biggest ship. Since Jegulus gained popularity, Lily has been sidelined, her story has been co-opted, even her own child gets snatched from her and given to Regulus. The girls that before had some developed (nowhere near enough because this fandom has always been misogynistic, let’s not get it twisted), have been shoved to the side or used as tools to further mlm ships. The reason why there’s such a pushback against sapphic!Lily, per example, is because unfortunately some people (definitely not all and definitely not sapphic women in this fandom) really only use that to get her out of the way of Jegulus and that’s the case for many wlw ships in the fandom. All they get is the yearly “I love [insert wlw ship]” tweet but get no more content or develop, unlike the men.

The general treatment of the girls is terrible too. The biggest Jegulus fic, Choices, has Regulus covering up Mary’s SA and James cheating on a pregnant Lily and yet we are supposed to root for them in the end. ATYD has Mary being routinely humiliated by both Sirius and Remus and we are supposed to be okay with it because they’re just two closeted teen boys navigating the world. Pandora and Dorcas have been placed in Slytherin and made besties with Death Eaters to make horrible men more sympathetic and so they can serve as therapists and saviors to people who joined a wizard terrorist group.

I could go on. I am genuinely not trying to be rude or aggressive, just giving my opinion. As I said, Jegulus shippers are not all misogynistic but Jegulus’ popularity showcases the implicit biases against women in the fandom. Other mlm ships and I will keep using Drarry and Wolfstar as examples have also led to the erasure and mistreatment of women. But it’s harder to justify Jegulus because unlike those other two ships, Jegulus is a completely random pairing that feels like was born out of the desire to pair James with a man rather than any interesting interactions those two characters had.

Hi!

Firstly, thank you for sharing your thoughts on it! I see your perspective well and agree with a lot of your points.

(Excuse my yapping below, it helps me get my thoughts out better and to better understand your points!)

For anyone reading this, please note that there are spoilers for atyd and choices below!

This fandom is definitely male-centered and I see your point on how focused the mlm ships this fandom is on. With the ships of wolfstar, the joke-gone-serious ship of jegulus, and the babygirlification and pairing of rosekiller, etc, etc...

I understand the canon compliant vs fanon complaint argument. I think that's where the lines get blurred when it comes to people's views on ships. Canon and Fanon are two completely different ball games when is comes with things making sense and what doesn't.

I lean more towards fanon compliant fics so for me that's where Jegulus makes sense to me because like you said, it's basically OCs with their names slapped on them. It's easier to mold them to work that way, so it's easier to ship them. Also I just love the idea of Sapphic!Lily too which was a concept I thought about before I even knew about Jegulus, honestly.

For canon-compliance, I am all for Jily 100% because it's canon-compliant. You can't fight with it. Even though wolfstar isn't canon, it makes sense to have them be something where as James and Regulus wouldn't have been anything. And I agree with you, they only work in AUs or fanon concepts.

With that being said, I also recognize the misogynistic nature of the fandom. I definitely don't agree with Jegulus raising Harry, because that's literally Jily's child (if anyone does, no hate towards you It's just doesn't sit well with me personally) and it begs the question, what happened with Lily that Jegulus has Harry?

I also agree with your point about how the girls/wlw ships in the fandom don't get a lot of development. I think it's a shame, truly. However, I have, recently, seen some people have different Headcanons of how they are as people. So I'm hoping that develops into something more than just ideas floating around. I also am not sure how they are in canon-compliant fics besides atyd (which I do have my opinions on too and im only halfway through it). I haven't read choices yet so I can only take your word for it.

I do at some point want to make a full long, academic-esque essay about the misogynistic nature of the fandom, because I do have A LOT to say, ESPECIALLY with the treatment of Mary. There's definitely a lot to unpack.

I'm fairly new to the Marauders fandom, so I'm trying to learn what I can. Again, thank you for sharing your perspective! I appreciate it!

[londondziban]

Shears

Trans Regulus microfic ft. the Black brothers + background Jegulus. 1,058 words. or, Sirius helps Regulus with his first proper haircut :)

Edit from beyond the grave: I uploaded it to my ao3! (<-linked for convenience) Feel free to pop on over there at your leisure, or just read it below :)

Regulus watches the first clump of long, dark curls fall to the bathroom floor. He tracks it as it moves through the air, hitting the tile softly, noiselessly–it’s all too quiet of an action for something that has such a big impact.

“Right, Reggie, how are you feeling?” Sirius asks, his tone cheery yet genuine.

If Regulus is honest, he’s elated. He didn’t know something as simple as cutting his hair could feel so…right? Sirius has barely cut off any of Regulus’ hair, yet Regulus can’t even begin to describe the amount of emotions currently swirling around in him.

Regulus hums in response to his brother–it’s not really an answer, but it’s the most he can manage. 

Sirius takes it in stride, simply humming back as he picks up another section of Regulus’ hair.

They sit in silence for a while and Regulus closes his eyes, listening to the quiet snip-snip of the shears as Sirius hacks away at the length of his hair with steady hands. It’s honestly the most careful and conscious Regulus has ever seen his brother act–though he’s approached everything relating to this topic with care since Regulus first confided in him about it.

“Do you remember the first time our mother forced me to cut all my hair off?” 

Regulus pauses for a moment, searching through memories to find the time Sirius is referring to–it shouldn’t be as difficult as it is to find the memory, but he generally doesn’t reflect much on their younger years anymore.

Regulus hums again once he finds the memory. “I recall you screaming like a banshee when she pulled the shears out.”

Sirius huffs a soft laugh, continuing to carefully snip away at Regulus’ hair. “Oh yeah, it was an absolute mess. She couldn’t get me to stay still enough for the cut, so my hair came out all choppy and uneven. Majorly backfired on her, I’d say.”

Regulus snorts. “It’s a wonder she kept cutting it after that; that haircut was dreadful.”

“And yet you were still jealous of it,” Sirius retorts lightly, the humor evident in his voice.

Regulus’ eyes fly open, immediately defensive. “I was not–”

“No, no you definitely were, Reggie.” Regulus can feel the shears waver in his brother’s grip as his body shakes with laughter. 

“Oi! Don’t fuck up my hair!”

“I’m not going to fuck up your hair, calm down,” Sirius huffs. “Besides, a shit haircut is all a part of being a boy–we all have one at one point.”

Regulus squints his eyes at the wall in front of him. “Yes, well I’d like to avoid that since I have to show up to work tomorrow.”

Sirius snorts in response as if to communicate that he understands, and Regulus supposes he does. 

The pile of black curls on the floor grows with each passing moment, more hair falling from Regulus’ head to the cold tile below as Sirius hums merrily behind him.

As always, it’s Sirius who breaks their silence. 

“I was always so jealous of your hair,” Sirius admits quietly.

Regulus blinks in surprise. “You were? Why?”

“I just always thought your long hair was so cool. I hated my short hair; I wanted my hair long but I wasn’t allowed to grow it out,” Sirius mutters. “I was a little bitter about it for a while if I’m honest.”

Regulus is quiet for a moment as he lets Sirius’ words sink in, then he snorts. “Bit ironic, innit? I wanted to be able to have short hair like you while you wanted to have long hair like me.”

Sirius barks a dry laugh. “Oh yeah, absolutely hilarious.” 

Regulus’ phone buzzes in his lap and his eyes dart down to the screen as it lights up with a text. Against his will, a small smile breaks out across his face.

“James?” Sirius asks, his smile shining through his voice.

“Piss off,” Regulus shoots back reflexively. Then, after a moment of stubborn silence, he grumbles a confirmation that it was, in fact, James who texted him.  

“He’s bitter he has to be at work rather than here?” Sirius asks, his tone all too knowing.

“I swear he’s more excited about this haircut than I am,” Regulus replies, rolling his eyes despite the fondness that floods every inch of him at the thought. 

Sirius snorts. “I’d reckon it’s less to do with the haircut and more to do with wanting to see you happy.”

Regulus just hums in response and closes his eyes again, letting the quiet get filled with the sharp sounds of the shears. He knows James is just excited for Regulus to be happy–to feel more himself. He’s been lovely about all of it, every step of the way, and though Regulus wasn’t necessarily worried he wouldn’t be, it’s just really nice to receive so much unconditional love and support.

Regulus honestly isn’t sure which of them two gets happier when James refers to Regulus as his boyfriend.

“Alright, you little shit,” Sirius announces, setting the shears down on the counter, “it’s time to appreciate all my hard work.”

Regulus shoots up to move toward the mirror, freezing in his tracks as he makes eye contact with his reflection.

His hair is the shortest it’s ever been–dark curls falling off his forehead and gently framing the sides of his face. Ridiculous as it is, Regulus can feel his eyes start to water as he just admires himself.

Sirius moves to stand behind him, staring at their reflections fondly with his arms crossed. “Look at you! I’m practically an artist.”

Regulus lets out a choked laugh, a couple of tears breaking free as he looks at the both of them in the mirror. “Mother would have a heart attack if she saw us now.”

“So what I’m hearing is you absolutely love it!” Sirius says, giddy and proud as Regulus nods his head in affirmation. Then, Regulus watches as Sirius slowly flashes his mischievous grin, baring his teeth wide as his eyes sparkle with undeniable humor. “Yeah, it looks great, Reggie. You know, I’m sure James will love it too! It’s honestly the perfect length for him to grab–”

Sirius cuts himself off with a yelp, practically sprinting out of the bathroom. He should really know not to provoke someone with easy access to a pair of shears.

[rollercoasterwords]

Hi! I found your blog through the female rage substack article that you posted and I’m curious about a couple things (so I hope the tone of this ask will read as genuine/non-confrontational etc).

I really liked the article and the anti-gender essentialist content, so I looked through the others and eventually found your jegulus article (which I read and also liked) but I was sort of surprised to see that you are a part of the hp/marauders fandom. For me personally, everything related to that franchise has just been tainted since the whole jkr terf debacle really took off. I was big on hp when I was younger and wolfstar is a ship/dynamic that I enjoyed back then, so I’d probably like your stuff if I were to read it. But I decided some time ago to give any and all hp content the chop, because to me it didn’t feel right to engage with it anymore. So I was just wondering how you feel in that regard, if you don’t mind sharing. I don’t have anyone in my internet content circle that still actively posts about hp and if irl friends still enjoy it then it’s not something we talk about, so I’d just like to know how you juggle the ‘two sides’ in that sense of your trans-positive/anti-essentialist beliefs and fandom content that’s still so intrinsically connected to jkr and her politics. (Also, sorry if you’ve answered a question like this before. I scrolled through your blog a bit, but if yes then not far enough.)

Anyway, hope you’re well and I’ll probably keep an eye out for any future essays on your substack even if I don’t follow you on here. cheers! (and thanks for the “playing the whore” book rec, I’ll be looking into that. a rec from my end would be paul b. preciado's "can the monster speak". it's the written version of a speech he tried to give at a Freudian psychoanalysis conference about the position trans people occupy in psychoanalysis before being booed off stage. it was short and pretty intriguing, in case you're interested/haven't heard of it yet.)

hi! happy 2 hear u enjoyed the female rage essay--i wasn't expecting it to spread as much as it did + had to turn off reblogs for my own peace of mind 2 keep terfs away from my blog, but it's nice to know there are still people getting something out of it. also appreciate the book rec--that definitely sounds up my alley + i'm excited to check it out!

and i'll do my best to answer your question about hp, but i'm gonna put it under a cut because i know this is a contentious topic + i have a feeling my answer's gonna get long--so if anyone doesn't want 2 read abt my conflicting hp-fandom thoughts, just scroll away please xx

so, quite honestly, i'm in agreement with you that the entire franchise is tainted by jkr. the truth is that it was never really my intention to join the fandom--i read a single fic because it went viral on tiktok, then decided to rewrite the fic from another character's pov just for fun. at that point, i hadn't read any other hp fic and had never been involved in any kind of online fandom space, and although i'd read the hp books + watched the movies growing up i hadn't touched them in years + was so far removed from the franchise that i vaguely remembered hearing jkr had said some terfy stuff, but wasn't aware of the extent to which her politics were like. actively and significantly causing real-life harm.

anyway, i'd done a rewrite for fun of another story i liked and had posted it on ao3, and that had received a handful of people commenting + talking about the story with me as i wrote but had remained pretty self-contained + small. i was expecting the same sort of thing with the hp fic i rewrote, but instead someone posted about it on tiktok and it went viral, and then suddenly there were thousands of people reading every ch update and hundreds of comments. like i said, i had never been involved in an online fandom space before, so i sort of awkwardly stumbled into it and tried to figure out what i was doing as i finished up writing the fic. this was at a point in my life where i'd recently moved to a different country and had to go back in the closet after being publicly out for years, and this online fandom space became my only queer community and a bit of a lifeline in that way. i started making actual friends and talking to people + getting more deeply involved in the community aspect of things.

at the same time, i started actually educating myself on jkr + her politics + her impact, and the more i learned the more uncomfortable i became with being part of anything hp-related. now, i've been writing hp fic for almost two years and 'active' in the fandom for ~one and a half, and despite being grateful for the friends i've made and treasuring the space i've been able to cultivate, i've become increasingly disenchanted with 'the fandom' as a whole and have increasingly found it to be a hostile space, so i've sort of taken a step back from broader engagement and more + more have limited my interaction to just my mutuals here on tumblr. unfortunately, i think many of the 'bad parts' of this fandom are somewhat built-in because of the source material; there are a lot of people who agree with jkr's politics to varying extents and that can make it kind of a miserable place to be sometimes. i know many people insist that hp can be completely removed from jkr, but i don't think that's the case, and i've talked on my blog before about the fact that her politics are built into the very foundations of the text, so i think it's necessary to acknowledge her influence if we want to actually engage with hp at all in a way that isn't just perpetuating her politics.

all that being said, the point i'm at currently is that i'm not really sure that this fandom is a space i want to be a part of forever. again--i understand how it can be lifeline for some people and a queer community they might not have elsewhere, because that's been the case for me. but for me personally, as much as i value my own carved-out space, it doesn't completely outweigh the negatives that i have found myself coming into contact with more and more in this fandom. writing hp fic is also something that i keep strictly separate from 'real life,' contained solely in this online space, because i know that any engagement with hp is a red flag for many, many trans people and i don't want to bring it outside of this space. within this online space, i don't keep it a secret that i write hp fic; it's right at the top of my blog so that anyone who wants to can easily block and unfollow me. i only post my fics on ao3, where they are clearly tagged as harry potter fanfiction, and i only post about hp fic + fandom stuff on this blog, which was specifically created for that purpose. i've requested that people no longer post about my hp fics on platforms like tiktok where the algorithm could send it out onto anyone's fyp, and that request is also in my pinned faq. keeping my hp fic as contained as possible to only people who are already engaging with hp fic is one way that i try to mitigate any harm that might be caused by my fics contributing to hp's ongoing popularity.

the other ways i try to mitigate potential harm are by actively discouraging people from giving any financial support to hp + jkr and by being very vocal about my politics on this page, so that anyone who is following me will be getting pro-trans and anti-gender essentialism politics along with any hp engagement. i also don't engage with hp uncritically; i am specifically critical of the shitty politics in the books both in my posts on this blog and my fics themselves. i don't make it a secret that i think the books are politically rotten all the way down through to the foundations.

none of this is to say that there's, like...a Right Way to engage with this content or a set of rules that, if followed, Absolve All Shittiness. this is just an explanation of the personal evaluations i've had to weigh when it comes to deciding how i'm going to interact with content that is fundamentally opposed to my own politics. and again, i don't blame people who think that any amount of engagement is morally untenable and completely block it out. this is a growing source of cognitive dissonance in my own life, and i'm increasingly considering whether/for how much longer i want to continue to write fic + be involved in hp fandom. but for the time being, i'm still here + still writing fic, and i guess my feeling is that any harm that fic causes is a drop in the bucket, and even if i were to stop writing it wouldn't necessarily have a huge impact either way. i'm just some random guy online like everyone else; even though i talk about politics, that doesn't mean that i'm asking to be held up as some sort of moral standard, nor do i think anyone should be expected to be 100% politically perfect in every action they take--like, for me, writing hp fic kind of falls into the same category as like...eating mcdonalds even though i think factory farming is fucked, or buying + wearing makeup sometimes even though i think the beauty industry is fundamentally corrupt, or paying to see the new guardians of the galaxy movie in theaters even though i think marvel movies are us military propaganda. i don't think "no ethical consumption under capitalism" is an excuse to completely abandon any attempt to mitigate the harm our actions might cause, but it does matter to me the way in which someone is engaging with a fundamentally broken/corrupt piece of media beyond simply whether or not they're engaging at all. at the end of the day, it's up to everyone on their own to evaluate where they draw the line on hp, and i am not looking to make that judgment for anybody else considering that my own thoughts + feeling about it are still changing.

[tenrousei-kuroi]

I did read Angel Sanctuary! I never finished it, though. I remember that what got me to start was the author’s art style. Her characters are so pretty!

I’m not familiar with A Cruel God Reigns, but by your description, it’s right up my alley (also, with a brief search, I see it has a very traditional style from the 90s/00s mangas that I find very nostalgic). I’ll definitely take a look into it.

As for the Black brothers, I think I discovered the ship around 2017-18, so there was a fairly good amount of work by then, but Blackcest has definitely grown a lot in the past couple of years. I’ve not read many James/Regulus works, mostly because many have a 'cleansed', fanon version of both – which also applies to the Marauders as a whole – and I have very picky views of Regulus’ characterization (my boy canonically had his own fan board of Voldemort 😭 and as far as we know, he never fully – or at all – quit his bigotry, yet in many works, his Slytherin friends and himself diverge completely from this).

But I do think Sirius/Regulus will remain somewhat popular for a long time. The Black family seems to have an appeal within the fandom that I don’t see as much with other families, such as the Lestranges, for example. Also, the idea of two good-looking, rich boys in a complicated family is intriguing (or at least I hope so; if not, you’ll see me signing up to your mailing list). On that note, I'm still hoping for the day Rodolphus/Rabastan gets popular lol

Anyway, thank you for the link, and I'm looking forward fest postings (ngl, I'm pretty confident in my abilities to recognize your writing style in anon fests. Sometimes I read a title and I think "this looks like a title ten would use". Is it a little stalker-ish of me? Maybe 😅).

Yeah Moto Hagio’s a bit more old school, she was most prolific in the seventies and eighties, and her art shows it. I could be misremembering but I believe her work “Sunroom” is typically credited as the first boy/boy manga kiss. And she’s one of the pioneers of the modern boy’s love genre. Real “culture award winning” sort of author.

Jegulus fics are hilarious to me and there’s a reason I call my stuff James/Regulus when I tag it, because that portmanteau has become its own thing. Whenever I read a Jegulus fic in my brain I’m thinking, “you know you can just write Timotheé Chalamet RPF, right? He’s not gonna’ come for you” 😂 And honestly that fanon “style” is bleeding over hard into the Sirius/Regulus section.

No shade, I’m glad people are having fun. Makes it harder for me to find the kinds of fics I like but I’ll survive lol. There’s just a larger selection now. And popular as it all is, I do truly feel people will move on. Because it’s less an attachment to the characters and more to these seriously altered fantasy versions of them, which can be easily grafted onto the next popular thing.

If you had told fifteen year-old me my weird incest and incest-adjacent pairings where two of the three characters aren’t even alive in canon would one day be as common as they are now I’d’ve thought you were high 😂 yet here we are.

I’ve dabbled a bit in Rodolphus/Rabastan but they always end up coming out so similar to my Sirius and Regulus that I don’t like it. I’ve kind of tabled the pairing until I can force myself to be a bit more creative with them. People already put up with all my Sirius/Regulus nonsense being basically the same, I don’t need to be grafting their dynamic onto other pairings 🤣🤣

When I pick prompts for fests I always try to ignore the promoter names until after I’ve chosen, but it doesn’t seem to make much of a difference, roughly 80% end up being yours anyway. Talk about wavelengths.

And let’s blame 2009 LiveJournal for my pretentious and easily-spotted titles, shall we? Specifically a Sirius/Regulus fic from forever ago called “A Thousand Years Good Wine” which basically flipped something in my brain and I haven’t been able to title anything like a normal human since.

That was a stellar fic, by the way. And if anyone ever ever ever finds it back for me I’ll…I don’t know…write them a 100k commission of their choice or engrave their name on my tombstone or something because that fic is LOST beyond belief and it causes me literal pain sometimes lol.

I’m feeling rather inspired today so I might spend my Saturday night plinking away at one of my fics. Odds are it probably won’t be the one that’s due in three weeks but we can always hope TT.TT

[maruyaaya]

Hey Imeda! I am Low! I read your Pandalily fic recently and I adored it! I saw that you haven't had this account long and since I can't peruse/stalk your account to satiate my curiosity I've decided to inquire here :) I hope you don't mind.

Do you have any specific Pandora or Lily headcanons you can share? Do you have any WIPs in the works? Do you have any songs you are listening to on repeat right now? What are the top 5 ships that are giving you the most insistent brain rot currently?

And finally, I am done pestering you and I'm wishing you a day full of wonder <3

OMG HI LOW!! yes absolutely i am always happy to talk about pandalily they are my beloveds <3 yeah i set up this acc relatively recently bc i wanted a fresh start for my ao3 and i haven’t really had the chance to do much on it yet (i am unfortunately a full time university student) but i am so happy you sent an ask bc i am always excited to talk to ppl!! feel free to send more asks or even dm me for whatever reason!!

i’m gonna do the pandalily headcanons last bc i have so many of them, but firstly do i have any wips:

oh i ABSOLUTELY have wips. i actually am the worst at starting wips and never finishing them, but as for main ones i’m working on rn, i have a prongsfoot wip that’s currently around 50k words 75% done, a marauders x daisy jones & the six au, a (you have to hear me out on this one okay bc i know nobody ships this but me BUT HEAR ME OUT) friends with benefits sirius x barty fic that’s about half done, and another pandalily fic that is basically just taking shape but i don’t have much to say about it yet (im actually just the worst multishipper ever and i ship my favourite character, sirius, with every single person who dares to so much as breathe in his direction)

songs on repeat

ok so i am totally willing to just link my spotify, in fact: here and i have a pandalily playlist in the works here, but specifically, i’ve had never love an anchor by the crane wives, three by sleeping at last, and funeral by phoebe bridgers on loop over and over as well as the entire daisy jones & the six album.

top 5 ships giving me brainrot

1. PRONGSFOOT!! prongsfoot is forever in my head as one of my fav ships ever

2. pandalily! i absolutely adore their dynamic and the little version of them that i have created in my head

3. rosekiller. i think this is a relatively unpopular opinion but i am so intrigued by their dynamic and i’m currently in the process of drafting a LONG fic about them but i haven’t done much work on it yet

4. dorlene. UGH MY OG ENEMIES TO LOVERS i am forever obsessed with them and i can’t believe i haven’t written them yet

5. normally i’d have jegulus around here i think but currently i’ve been having intensive brainrot about the idea of a dynamic between barty and sirius. i think they’re two characters who are very similar and yet hate each other and i think it’s really interesting to explore a two sides of the same coin dynamic between them and idk i have a lot of thoughts about them i could absolutely rant for a very long time abt the sirius/barty dynamic i have in my head

bonus bc it isn’t a marauders ship but my favourite ship of ALL TIME is soukoku, aka dazai/chuuya from bungou stray dogs. i like them a Normal amount (i’m crazy abt them)

and now, the moment you’ve all been waiting for, here are a few of my pandalily headcanons that i can think of off the top of my head

first of all, my fav pandalily song is trouble by halsey. it’s literally them. that’s their dynamic to me

pandora’s much more open about her oddness and want for Blood while lily is more closed off about it. it’s still there—absolutely still there—but pandora kind of awakens it in her and helps her to realize that it’s okay to show that part of her

they met through james and regulus and often go on double dates with them

they absolutely get matching tattoos. probably ethel cain lyrics or something abt the inherent eroticism of cannibalism idk

my favourite headcanon is that pandora and evan are twins and evan tries to get lily the shovel talk when he meets her for the first time, but actually just ends up half in love with her bc he thinks she’s so cool

speaking of, evan and lily joke that they’re going to run away and elope so that evans name could be evan evans and pandora thinks it’s the funniest thing ever

bonus headcanon that evan is the older twin by a few minutes but pandora tells everyone that she is and he doesn’t correct her

they watched bones and all together and every 5 minutes they would whisper “this is so us” to each other

they absolutely LOVE baking together. they do it at least once a week and they make cookies or cupcakes or something and decorate them like pinterest photos and give them to their friends

they have two shared pinterest boards. one is really cutesy baking ideas and cute room decor inspo and the other is full of quotes abt cannibalism and blood and eating each other whole. they treasure both of these boards equally

lily is the biggest taylor swift fan ever and she makes pandora listen to her songs together. pandora moderately enjoys taylor swift, but will listen to her constantly to please lily. lily’s favourite song is this is me trying and pandora likes cowboy like me

they give each other flowers all the time (notably lilies ofc). pandora can’t stand to watch them die and always presses them and keeps them all in a little notebook with the date they got them

they’re obsessed with biting each other. like not even just during sex, they do it all the time. they’ll be watching a movie and pandora will just reach over and bite lily’s shoulder for fun

their favourite show to watch together is hannibal. they’re crazy about it. they rewatch it all the time to an unhealthy extent

they often say really strange declarations of love to each other in front of other people like “i want to eat you down to the bones” or “i want to rip open your skin and crawl inside your kidneys and sleep in there” and everyone around them just laughs nervously and can’t tell if they’re serious or not

i probably rambled much more than i needed to but i am always very excited to talk!!

[theacoded]

i don’t plan on writing this but for the record this is everything else i thought up for the plot 😭

pre-established: rosekiller, dorlene

not yet established: pandalily, jegulus, wolfstar

additional details:

marlene & dorcas

marlene was a barista at a coffee shop dorcas frequented but when dorcas learnt the coffee shop would be closing for good she essentially grabbed marlene and brought her to her new position as artistic director at the royal ballet school (age 23)

marlene slipped dorcas her number on her third visit and they’ve been exchanging notes since!! (receipts and napkins) started properly dating after about a month of notes

sirius

comes from a family of ballerinas (family pressure)

used to be a premier danseur at the paris opera ballet school, was being considered for an étoile, but an equipment malfunction which lead to an accident meant he wouldn’t be able to dance again (age 20), he’s since quit and moved back to london

his parents disowned him after the accident

he used his ballet money (since he’d been in a couple shows before the accident) to get his own apartment

sirius goes to the royal ballet school everyday to visit james and to retain a sense of normalcy,

dorcas offered him a job there as a stagehand which he’s currently considering taking as he needs to find a job soon

james & the black brothers

having lived in the same neighbourhood and all been dancers, james and sirius were best friends after they met (age 7), james hung out with regulus occasionally when he was with sirius

when sirius was 15 and regulus was 13, they were sent off to the paris opera ballet school. james hasn’t seen or heard from them since

james didn’t know that’s where they were going, and the brothers weren’t told that’s where they were going before they were sent on a plane to paris. walburga and orion ignored james for two years before he gave up

eventually he saw sirius’ name pop up in the ballet sphere (age 18) after he’d been noticed after his first show as a soloist, and learnt he was at the royal ballet school, he was able to get in contact with sirius

sirius flew back to london and met james at the airport, he found his own apartment with james’ help

regulus

became a premier danseur at 18

after narcissa was given the title of étoile it looked sirius would get it too, but his accident essentially made it unable for him to dance so he quit and left

majorly panicked after sirius’ accident, he was there on stage like a metre away from sirius so he has survivor’s guilt and blames himself for not being able to get sirius out the way

walburga and orion’s pressure started getting worse and worse after sirius left (they called him a disgrace and disowned him), it’s implied that he’ll be disowned aswell if he doesn’t get the title of étoile this year

he may have had a tiny crush on james and was about to confess before his parents sent him away to paris

he saw james’ name pop up in a couple articles after performances after he became a soloist but never read them beyond the headlines because he didn’t like james that way anymore (age 18)

pandora & lily

(finally done with exposition) mutual pining!!!!

pandora loves when lily dances and lily watches her sketch on her off time

angst-free fluffy slow burn, pandora knows lily likes her but wants to hear it from her

lily does not know pandora likes her, mary is begging her to confess at this point

barty

barty doesn’t really care for ballet he was sent to paris by his dad (like sirius and reg) but he doesn’t gaf at all he plans on quitting once he has enough money

he thought evan was hot on and asked him out on the first day they met (age 18), evan said yes

remus and sirius

remus knew of sirius since he worked backstage and all his friends were ballet dancers/ballerinas

childhood friends with lily!

was shocked when sirius initially showed up with james, now sirius accompanies him backstage

misc plot details: (god my brain just won’t stop)

the dancers list for the workshop were announced internally so everyone would’ve only been able to see who would be there from their own company (reg LMAOO)

pairings and groups for dances were made on the first day, james and reg are highest ranked so they were paired together

regulus sirius reunion!!! he doesn’t know sirius works at/is about to work again the royal ballet school, they don’t talk about ballet much because sirius knows reg feels guilty for his accident so it’s a topic neither of them bring up

james seeing reg again: holy shit he’s so pretty is he real can i touch him can i kiss him oh my god he’s unreal he’s so

reg seeing james again: what the fuck not you again you go here?????

so yeah james knew reg was gonna be invited because he told sirius but sirius failed to mention james would be here oops 😭

he was busy talking about remus can we blame him!!!!

anyway they have to do a duet and it’s like a friend heard from a friend heard from a friend situation where reg finds out this duet might be the final piece for like considering if he gets the étoile title!

so that’s about it! sorry for the everything x

mauraders era ballet au ✦

regulus black is 20 and could be the youngest person ever to become a danseur étoile (star dancer). what will happen when he gets a last minute invite to a workshop where a pas de deux between him and james potter will decide whether he gets the role?

regulus black / 20 / ballerina: premier danseur (principal dancer)

location: paris opera ballet school, france

james potter / 21 / ballerina: first soloist

location: the royal ballet school

.𖥔 ݁ ˖

evan rosier / 20 / ballerina: sujet/soloist

location: paris opera ballet school, france

barty crouch jr / 20 / ballerina: coryphée/demi-soloist

location: paris opera ballet school, france

lily evans / 21 / ballerina: sujet/soloist

location: paris opera ballet school, france

pandora lovegood / 21 / costume designer

location: paris opera ballet school, france

mary macdonald / 21 / lighting design

location: paris opera ballet school, france

side characters: narcissa (étoile danseur)

remus lupin / 22 / lighting design

location: the royal ballet school, uk

peter pettigrew / 22 / pianist

location: the royal ballet school, uk

marlene mckinnon / 22 / stagehand

location: the royal ballet school, uk

dorcas meadowes / 24 / artistic director

location: the royal ballet school, uk

sirius black / 22 / ex ballerina: premier danseur

location: london, uk

[sugareey-makes-stuff]

Oh geez. I know I’m very behind, but late is better than never. So, I’m wishing @danni-the-puff a very happy belated birthday (almost a month later, whoops)! Rather than gifting art (since RL is cray and there’s not enough time in the day), I thought I’d do something different by combining hand-lettering, paper stars and fic recs to celebrate how amazing Danni is! Danni is a caring human and a friend who has such a bright and bubbly personality. She’s also so supportive and enthusiastic about people’s creations and she has such a way to lift people up. I first started to get to know Danni through a couple of rare pair servers (and then through Wizarding Creators Den and CoMs). I especially love seeing her Tumblr posts about writing, meta and more. She just knows her stuff, and she has such interesting insights to share about a lot of different topics. If anyone has read Danni’s fics, you’ll know she’s a long-time lover of Snarry (and rare pairs). Her writing blows me away, whether it’s fluffy, sexy, angsty, rough, or out of this world. Danni knows exactly how string words together so  they flow so smoothly and poetically, with intention and a punch. That’s such a hard thing to do, but she has that gift! While there are some tropes and things I don’t usually read, Danni’s work somehow beckons me to take the chance and discover something new (well worth it too!). Her passion for Snarry is truly amazing, and I’m reminded why a good chunk of my fandom friends are Snarry fans. Maybe we all just know how to get along; I have no idea, but I’m totally for it, especially when it comes to bonding over and delving back into old-school fandom vibes (if you had a LJ during the early 2000s, you know exactly what I’m talking about). Some of my favourite Danni fics are: >> Obscene (Snarry, E, 1.9k): Summary: Never has Severus been so wet outside of heat. It’s humiliating; obscene. A/B/O is not something I generally read, but this? Is smokin’ hot. If you want some push and pull energy, desperation and delicious smut, go read this ASAP! >> Orange Blossoms (Snarry, T, 3.5k): Summary: These are foolish times to have hope, and more foolish still to be in love. The way Danni uses flowers in this is so beautiful. So many subtle messages and secrets woven in and passed along, and it really does make this such a sweet story. Harry, of course, is very insistent, and he’s such a Gryffindor. >> Lover Boy at Play (Snarry, E, 4.5k, mind the tags): Summary: These are foolish times to have hope, and more foolish still to be in love. Okay, if you want a classic teacher/student fic, go read this one. It has so much packed in when it comes to feelings and sex and trying to figure a lot of things out. From bitterness to jealousy to want and tenderness, Severus definitely does through all of these emotions. Harry is Harry with his cheekiness and determination, but he’s also a real person who is open to learning (and pleasing and wanting). And when these two come together (heh), it’s turns out to be something really gorgeous. >> The Green Dress (Jegulus, E, 1.8k): Summary: Christmas is no time for sulking over lost love. Not when there is new love in a pretty green dress. The angst and cross-dressing was all I needed to go read this one. It’s sweet, sensual and sexy. And if you want something to pull your heart and break it a little, this will do it. >> A Little Taste of Wasting Time (M, Fleur/Hermione, 1.5k): Summary: “One cannot learn all from books, ‘ermione.”. I am pretty sure this was one of the first rare pair fics I’ve read of Danni’s, and I love how it’s suggestive, but there’s absolutely no sex. All the flirting and innuendo are in the dialogue, small actions and glances, and that’s enough to leave things to the imagination and make this super hot. >> ALSO: I am currently reading, Contempt (E, 20.5k, mind the tags), which was written for Snarry-a-Thon: Summary: Harry hates Snape, and he always will. (He will, won’t he?) I won’t say too much (yet), but if you’re looking for a post-war, complex love/hate fic that also has wanting, obsession (from both sides) and a lot of messy situations and feelings, give this one a read too. I’d love to know what you think, since I’m loving it so far! Check out more of Danni’s work, and give her some love for her great contributions to fandom. Danni, thanks so much for being a lovely spirit, and have an awesome day! :)

[lalunedelavie]

Under the Stars

Part 1.

Pairing: Jegulus

Word Count: 760

Summary: Regulus wants to make something for James for Valentine’s Day.

~

“So you hold the needle like this, vertically. And then when you go to loop the yarn you kind of do a circular motion. Am I making any sense?” Lily said, looking up from the demo she was currently doing. What she was saying was very straightforward, and yet Regulus found it very hard to follow.

“Not really? Merlin, I don’t know if this will work. Maybe you could make him a jumper and I’ll pretend I made it?” Regulus whined. It was his idea in the first place to crochet something for James, but it was a lot harder than he imagined. James loved the stuff Lily’s made for him, and Valentine's day was coming up, he had to do something for his boyfriend. Knowing James he’d go all out, against Regulus’ request for no PDA.

“I’m sure you’ll get it soon Reg! It took me a while to crochet like I do know, and I have faith you can as well. It’s mid January, so you have a good few weeks to make it for him. And I can help with the dimensions and templates, as it’s a lot harder. I’ll start again.” And she did that thing she always did with Reg, reassuring him. When James properly introduced Regulus to his friends, he imagined it would go horribly. Maybe they’d expect him to be like Sirius, or like his family. They were surprisingly welcome though, and in no time he was initiated into the group. Remus would argue with him over classics, Peter talked about classes and Marlene and James would talk quidditch with him. And he became very good friends with Lily, to his surprise. He knew James had harbored feelings for her at some point, and he figured it would be awkward, and yet there was never a cold silence. 

So now here he sat alongside Lily in the library, figuring James wouldn’t go there, to learn how to crochet a jumper. Which was utter madness. He swore he was doing the same motions as Lily, and yet he couldn’t even form a row.

“Aghh, how do you do this for so long? I’m losing my mind even watching you do it.” Lily just chuckled in response.

“I’ve been doing this for years, it’s second nature at this point Reg. And if you don’t want to do this for him, which is really sweet I must say, just give him something else. He’s really not picky.” But Lily knew she couldn’t talk Regulus out of it. So they sat together for what felt like forever, until Regulus could form some rows. The look on his face after starting a new one was one that could pary the light of his star. It was almost impossible not to share this joy with James, as they ate their dinner together that night.

Every weekend Lily and Regulus would get together to work on the jumper. He would practice his crocheting during the week, then plan and start the jumper with Lily. They’re very hard to crochet for a beginner, she’d say, but Regulus was committed. It took weeks, a lot of yarn and a lot of agony, but it was done the weekend before Valentine's Day.

“You finished it! That’s amazing Reg! And look at the stitches! How did you get them so neat around the shoulders?” Lily gasped in amazement. The jumper was a nice royal blue. Regulus thought it would be nice since he didn’t normally wear that colour, and it brought out his eyes. The yarn used was small, which made room for details around the neckline, little pale stars Lily wove in. What’s left now was to actually give it to him.

“But how do I do it, Lils? What he really hates this colour, and that’s why he never wears it? He’s probably going to expect something grand, knowing him.” Lily snorted at that.

“Please Reg, you’re afraid to raise your voice in the library. I don’t think James expects anything grand of you. He knows you.” 

“Have you met Madam Pince?! I guess you’re right though.”

“I tend to be, and I’m sure he’ll love the gift regardless of how you give it to him. A good snog would never hurt though.”

“Lily!” Regulus yelled, fortunate to be on the other side of the library from Madam Pince.

“Shit, Lily I gotta get ready for quidditch this evening. Thanks so much for the help. Really, I would not have been able to do it. Cheers.” And with that he ran off.

[minniesboys]

JEGULUS HEADCANNONS :)

- James loved Lily

- That was a fact known by the entire school

- He would ask her out, and she would reject him, every time

- And that was how it was for nearly 3 years

- March 29th, 1773, Remus came out to the Marauders as bi

- And suddenly James was questioning his sexuality

- He was straight. Of course he was, he'd had a crush on Lily Evans since the Sorting Ceremony in 1st year.

- So why did he feel like that was wrong?

- Only a few people noticed when he slowly began asking Lily out less and less

- One night Remus asked him about it

- James spilled everything, how he had been questioning for the past few months and he just didn't know, and it was all so confusing

- Remus helped him work through everything

- James came to the conclusion that he was pan

- 4th year starts

- And James hasn't even thought about his sexuality much

- He figured it out and that was that

- He wasn't asking Lily out as much anymore

- Lily was perfectly happy with that

- Everything was normal

- Until November 15th, in the great hall

- He was coming in to get dinner, but when he got to where the Marauders usually sat, Sirius was in a heated argument with Regulus

- James didn't really know Regulus

- Sirius rarely talked about him, or the rest of his family

- And of course he'd seen Regulus in the halls, but he never talked to him

- But this time James noticed him

- He noticed the way Regulus' hair actually had some curls in it, how his light grey eyes shone when Sirius said something he could use for his side of the argument

- He felt his heart skip a beat

- He thought that was strange, but didn't really pay much attention to it

- He sat down, Regulus left, and the day continued as usual

- Until the next day when he realized he was daydreaming about Regulus

- "That's weird...I only ever do that with Lily- oh. oh wait. oh no"

- Commence awkwardness!!!! :D (If you read my Remus Lupin headcannons then u know that 4th year was an awkward year for everyone. If you haven't, I suggest you go read them :) )

- Little did James know that Regulus had a crush on him since his 2nd year

- Little did either of them know, that the other was SO OBLIVIOUS

- James told Remus about his crush right before Christmas break

- They agreed that it would probably be best not to tell Sirius yet

- Over winter break Regulus figured out that Sirius had a crush on Remus

- And quickly became their #1 shipper

- He realized, however, that Sirius was never going to tell Remus unless he got a push

- So Regulus devised a plan

- He'd pretend to have a crush on Remus to get his brother to ask Remus out

- It didn't work

- At least in the way it was intended

- Sirius immediately knew that Regulus did not actually have a crush on Remus, and that Remus was not falling for it either

- James, however, freaked out

- So he made up his mind. He was going to tell Regulus his feelings

- February 19th

- They ran into each other in the halls

- Neither are really sure how it happened

- There was loads of awkwardness, a bit of small talk

- And Regulus blurted out "I have the biggest crush on you, not Remus, and I know you probably don't feel the same way"

- James stood there, rooted to the ground

- "You- you do?"

- "yeah..."

- "Oh good. Because I have a crush on you too"

- "Really?!"

- "Yeah" :)

- And so they started ✨DATING✨

- Secretly though

- A, because Sirius was having trouble at home and they both knew that his brother and his best friend dating probably wouldn't make him all so happy

- B, because Regulus dating a Gryffindor would be big news among the Slytherins, not to mention the fact that the Gryffindor was a boy, and JAMES POTTER

- C, If Reg's parents found out it could be terrible

- But they didn't care

- It didn't have to be this big thing

- All they needed were each other

- ✨5th Year✨

- Everything goes swimmingly

- Except

- Over winter break in 1975 Sirius & Regulus' parents found out that Sirius was gay

- And that's it's own story

- He was kicked out and disowned

- That scared Regulus

- He was his parents' perfect child ever since Sirius was sorted into Gryffindor, he didn't want to lose that

- And he certainly didn't want to face their wrath like Sirius did

- James heard what happened from Sirius

- He immediately decided that for Reg's safety, they'd break up

- As soon as they were back to Hogwarts, James found Regulus

- Reg explained how scared he was, and James explained that for Reg's safety he thought they should break up

- It hurt both of them, but they ended their relationship

- Nobody actually ever figured out about it

- Only James and Regulus knew

- Remus knew that James had a crush on Regulus, but never asked about it

- And thus ends the era of Jegulus :(

[shittydeku]

please do jegulus, dorm sharing bc of accident, and “we’re just friends ...” 🥺

This is more of Regulus and Sirius bonding over Jegulus. A few things you need to know- it's a no! Voldemort au, Walburga and Orion are in Azkaban for child abuse yay so the potter's take Regulus and Sirius in oh and Minerva is Headmistress.

----------

Just Friends

"So since there are less beds and not a lot of space to conjure up more, the management would prefer you and Sirius sharing, you are brothers, and I hope there will be no funny buisness" McGonagall said it like it was, an order it wasn't her fault that two of the Slytherins did the dirty forgetting to close the curtains, yeah the merfolk did not take kindly to that, and now their dorms were all flooded.

"Funny buisness?Minny darling, do you not know me at all?I belong to Moony, and Moony alone,also ew we're not the people who gave birth to us..." Sirius said in mock rage and sadness.

"He means to say, Headmistress, that we wouldn't mind the slightest, and we should get going."Regulus said, tired of his brother's theatrics.

"Of course Mr.Potter's" Minerva said.

"I actually prefer you calling me Black" Regulus said already pushing Sirius out of the office.

*Later at night*

(Regulus and Sirius are share a bed)

"So, what was that about?"

"What was what Siri?"

"The, I actually prefer being called a Black"

"I...do"

"Stop shitting me, you and I both know that you don't like the name you inherited from Walgabitch and Onion."

"Of course not!Not after what they did to you!"

"Oh.My.God. You are in love with James! That's why you don't want to be called his brother!"

"We're...just friends"

"Just friends my ass. You're both in love with each other!"

"The whole castle hasn't heard you yet, a little louder" as soon as that statement left Regulus' mouth he flinched and casted a quick wandless silencing charm, knowing Sirius saw it as a challenge.

"REGULUS BLACK LOVES JAMES POTTER AND VICE VERSA...Ya happy now, Reggie?"

"Don't call me that"

"Anyway why don't you ask him out?"

"I thought it was in our genes to be hopelessly bottom?"

"Hey!I asked Moony out!"

"Was that before or after you fell on your face because he was shirtless?"

"How do you-"

"James told me right after"

"Of course he did...Reg? Would you definitely say yes if he asked you?"

"DUH"

*Next day*

"Hey, Reggie!"

"Jamie"

"A little birdie told me that you would say yes if I asked you out"

"You and me both know Sirius told you, what of it?"

"Well, this is me asking you out"

"Well, this is me saying yes"

"oh thank God I was in half a mind to run away screaming"

"I know for a fact that you are going to do that anyway"

"Why-"

Regulus stood up on his Tippy toes and gave James' collarbone a kiss. lay off, the man's pretty short.

And true to the prediction, James did run off screaming.

Hope you like it! here is part two.

[theprodigypenguin]

Can you do 204. “Is there any reason you’re wearing my shirt?.” With jegulus?

I can indeed my dear anon but you will have to forgive me because this fic went WAY out of my control. The majority of this fic is some well deserved Regulus/Sirius brotherly love and bonding, and the Jegulus bit doesn’t come in till the last tiny part. I hope ya’ll don’t mind I got really into it oof. I almost wanted to make it LONGER but this is supposed to be a mini fic. No idea how long it ended up being and frankly I do not intend on finding out any time soon, yeet. Enjoy!

204. “Is there any reason you’re wearing my shirt?”

Mr. and Mrs. Potter were on holiday for the next three weeks, that’s what Sirius had said the night before, but even if they’d been there they would have welcome Regulus inside with open arms.

“Mum probably would have scooped you up and started crying, actually,” Sirius had said with a smile that didn’t reach his eyes, and Regulus stayed silent in the chair he’d taken, deciding not to comment on the way he called Euphemia “mum”.

It was a long time coming, Regulus told himself, keeping his eyes closed as he remembered the events of the previous day and night. It had been one of those rarely seen blistering hot days where the clouds were missing and Regulus was trying to survive summer alone at Grimmauld Place with Kreacher his only companion. His mother and father were busy with their own things as Regulus wandered from room to room, stopping to stare at photographs and ancient paintings, always finding himself standing in front of Sirius’ old bedroom door. A hand lifted as he traced where his full name was set against the wood in elegant lettering, dropping it to tap his fingertips against the doorknob but turning away after some thought.

That happened a few times, stopping at his brother’s old room and contemplating if he should go in or not. Eventually he did, but he didn’t realize it would lead to so much happening all at once. He wanted to step inside the bedroom, flick on the light and stare at the still messy sheets on the four poster bed canopy bed and the Muggle posters pinned on the walls. There was still clothes on the floor, dropped there with books still open, even his desk was still a cluttered mess. Regulus wandered over to it, automatically trying to tidy things up, straightening papers and quills and righting ink wells that had spilled and dried over the wood.

There was an old photograph tucked in the corner of the desk that Regulus narrowed in on, reaching out to trace the edges as he watched a much younger version of Sirius hugging a younger version of Regulus. Back before Hogwarts, back before Gryffindor, back when they were still brothers. Regulus would never admit it, but he missed Sirius. He was nineteen now, if memory served him. Regulus was seventeen and had just graduated from Hogwarts, suddenly feeling the crushing weight of loneliness and wondering what he was supposed to do next.

Death Eaters were coming and going from his house like party guests, there were at least three there every day, and every time they saw Regulus they would smile with menacing intent. Regulus hated it. He didn’t know who half these people were, but they looked at him like he was fresh meat. Especially the Lestrange brothers. Especially Rabastan. It made Regulus physically sick when the older wizard would wrap a slow arm around him, leaning close and grinning.

“You’re growing up so fast, Reggie! About time you join the ranks soon!”

What was he supposed to do about it? Say no? Regulus knew it was coming, knew they were planning to talk him into joining the Death Eaters. He was already a “supporter” like his parents, but he’d yet to go on missions, he’d never spoken to Voldemort or even seen him in person, and his forearm was thus far clean of any mark. The longer he was there, exposed to Death Eaters and pureblood maniacs, the more he started to realize he didn’t want to be part of it. Yet what was he supposed to do? Run away like Sirius? Where was he supposed to go? He had no friends, no one who would take him in. The Potter’s would never. James would never. Sirius certainly wouldn’t.

James. Regulus had to lift his head and stare out the window in front of him, out into the backyard, as his mind inevitably wandered to that infuriating bastard who stole his brother. He’d always had some interest in the Gryffindor, ever since the first time (the only time) Sirius wrote to him from Hogwarts. “His name is James Potter and he’s my best friend!” Who is he?

Regulus’ curiosity and intrigue grew when he was in school and met James, saw him for the first time, and even more when he started playing a Seeker in Quidditch. Every time they were in the air playing Gryffindor their eyes would meet across the Pitch, James would grin that cocky little smile of his, and Regulus would feel a million different things jolt through him that pushed him into wanting nothing more than to do better than James, to win the game just so he could hold the Snitch and give James Potter a smirk of his own.

It seemed after all these years, even though he hadn’t seen James since their graduation, the intrigue was still there. What made James Potter so special? Why did Sirius love him and cherish him so much? Because he was funny? Because he fed Sirius’ need to rebel? Maybe because he could protect Sirius? That’s what he was doing after all, that’s what he’d done the summer Sirius ran away and went to the Potter’s. James had been protecting him ever since. Regulus hated him for it, hated them both.

I want to be protected too.

“Regulus!” his mother’s voice came up the stairs and Regulus shut his eyes before turning towards the door, stepping out into the hall and down the stairs to meet her.

He didn’t remember most of the conversation, perhaps he hit his head too hard, but when Walburga set a hand on his shoulder, manicured nails digging in, saying, “I think it’s time we call the Dark Lord to initiate you as an official Death Eater,” his vision went white in shock.

Everything after that happened in a blur, the conversation of “six month trial to see if you’re worthy to take the mark” and “we’re so proud” before he felt his lips trembling apart with a cracking, “I won’t do it.”

Then yelling, confusion, screaming, a wand at his throat, Walburga cried and Orion grabbed him by his arm and shook him so hard he jarred Regulus’ shoulder. Then the first hit. Regulus didn’t know what he’d said to entice the attack really, but he did remember thinking about Sirius, so he probably brought him up. Regulus didn’t know what damage had been done to him, just remembered curling his hands around his wand, the taste of iron on his tongue as Walburga shrieked.

“You have nowhere to go! Regulus, reconsider! You’d make us so proud, this is the right path!”

Regulus had felt so betrayed with those words, so done, spitting blood and snapping, “I make my own path.”

His mother sobbed. “You sound like-! You sound just like-”

“Sirius,” Regulus breathed the name, lifting his wand. “I know.”

Then a crack and his vision blurred as he disapparated from 12 Grimmauld Place. When he landed he was disoriented, legs giving way and sending him crashing onto the earth as he panted hard, eyes wide and staring off to the side, his cheek against the dusty ground. His arm was burning, his body shaking as pain tingled at the end of every nerve. The Cruciatus curse spat at him by his mother, the fists and flat hands that had beaten bruises into his face and chest by his father, exhausted but in too much pain to sleep.

What had he done? He’d defied his parents, rejected the Death Eaters, rejected Voldemort, rejected the mark. Why? In a spur of the moment feeling of adrenaline and anger? He was an idiot, and now he had no idea where he was or where he was supposed to go, bleeding out on the ground and breathing in dust.

He tried to figure out where he was as he struggled to his knees, wand still in hand and staring dizzily around the area. After a moment he looked down to check his injuries, noting that his left sleeve was soaked through with crimson. His right hand trembled as he reached over to check what had happened, his stomach rolling when the sleeve came away sticky. It hurt too much to pull it down over his arm, so he just peeked down the sleeve to see a chunk of flesh had been taken out of his forearm. Splinched mid-apparation. He coiled forward, clutching his stomach and vomiting as his entire body shook and tears forced their way down his face.

He couldn’t stay there on the ground, someone could find him, so he wiped his right arm over his mouth and staggered to his feet as he cradled his left arm against his stomach and stumbled to the sidewalk just paces away. He seemed to be in a cozy little community of cottages and houses, squares of light shining from windows and the sky pitch black above. If it was already night, he’d probably argued with his parents for a long time.

There was a house across the little street that Regulus squinted at, finding himself drawn closer to read the nameplate in the dark and lighting his wand with a hitching breath. Potter. This was Potter’s place. Sirius was there.

Regulus only doubted that he would be allowed in for a moment, the pain blinding any sort of fear of rejection as he fumbled to open the gate and staggered through, letting it shut as he dragged himself up the walkway and to the front door, vision blurring a bit before he managed to make out the wildly pretentious lion knocker staring him in the face. He used it, banging it a few times before stepping back and nearly falling off the front step, clinging to his left arm and staring at the gold and red Welcome mat at his feet.

For half a moment he was worried no one was home, that he would end up blacking out there on the front porch leaning against the door, but after a moment he heard the distant sound of muffled steps, then the lock disengaging. Regulus silently reprimanded whoever it was for opening the door without checking first to make sure it was safe, they were in a war after all, but he lost the nerve to speak when he lifted his head and his eyes met mirrors of his own.

Sirius looked good, healthy, older than he did last time Regulus had seen him, staring at Regulus with wide, shocked eyes, like he wasn’t so sure what he was staring at. Regulus thought he’d never say anything, he’d frozen in place and would be a statue forever, but finally he opened his mouth.

“What the fuck?”

“Sirius,” Regulus’ voice was rough, for a moment he wondered if he’d been screaming. “I… do you by any chance have bandages in there? Or a healing tonic? Possibly some Dittany?” Sirius just gaped at him, and Regulus squinted when his vision blurred again. “Preferably now before I pass out, if it’s not too much trouble.”

Sirius let go of the door and reached out to steady Regulus, and though he wasn’t exactly gentle, his hands didn’t hurt or bother any of the injuries as he brought Regulus into the house, helping him stumble over the door jamb before shutting and locking the door behind them. He put an arm around Regulus, which was unexpectedly comforting and intimate, leading him down the eerily silent hall and through a door that lead to a washroom.

Sirius kept the bathroom door open as he lead Regulus to sit on the closed toilet, then pulled his wand and cast a silencing spell around them, sticking it behind his ear once he was done and reaching for the cupboard under the sink. He seemed to be moving on autopilot as he started pulling out vials and packages of bandages and gauze rolls.

“Take your shirt off. Where are you bleeding?”

“Where’s Potter?”

“Sleeping. Take your shirt off.”

Regulus had to move slowly as he started undoing the front buttons down his white shirt. Now that he was inside under lighting he could see how much blood was on him, his entire left sleeve was scarlet, and he hissed through his teeth as he shrugged the silky fabric from his shoulders, pulling his right arm free before starting to slowly peel it down his left. Uncontrolled tears spouted from his squinted eyes, his hands shaking as he managed to get the fabric halfway off his arm before his vision blurred again, the edges going black so he had to swing his right arm to the side and cling to the side of the sink to keep from slipping off the seat, panting and dizzy.

“Let me.” Sirius dropped what he was holding and stood in front of Regulus, crouching and taking his left hand, giving a firm squeeze, maybe to keep his arm in place, before pulling his wand from behind his ear and muttering a quick spell that unglued the sleeve from the gaping wound that spilled fresh blood when the covering was gone. “Bloody hell, Reg,” Sirius grit out roughly, squeezing his hand tighter and reaching for one of the vials he’d put on the sink. “What did this?”

“I… splinched, I splinched myself apparating.”

“Aren’t you supposed to be better than that?” Sirius asked, unscrewing the top of the vial and drawing out a long glass dripper.

Regulus winced from the pain as he started dripping Dittany directly onto his arm, his stomach roiling again when the missing chunk of flesh started to rapidly regenerate. Regulus turned away, clinging to the sink counter again and hiding his face in the crook of his right elbow, begging himself not to throw up.

“I didn’t think you’d help me…”

“So why’d you come here?” Sirius asked sharply, he seemed completely unaffected by his brother showing up beaten bloody.

Regulus swallowed, tasting bile. “I had nowhere else to go.”

“I highly doubt that,” Sirius scoffed. “I’m certain our precious parents would have seen to your every whim had you come home like this.”

Regulus took a breath. “Where do you think I’ve just come from?”

Sirius paused, as if not expecting the question, giving Regulus’ hand another firm squeeze that he held as he spoke softly. “They chased you out?”

Regulus shook his head. “I left.”

“You left? You actually left?” Regulus bobbed his head in a weak nod. “Why?”

Regulus pressed his lips together. How much could he even tell Sirius? They weren’t close, not like they used to be. Hell, had they ever been close? He felt out of place there, everything made no sense, he was scared. He’d run away from a choice his parents were making for him, one he didn’t want. He ran like a coward instead of facing what he was so afraid of, but he was still afraid.

“They wanted me to join the Death Eaters,” Regulus finally managed to speak, forcing the emotion out of his voice despite how his entire body was still shaking. He blamed it on the extensive blood loss.

“So you ran away?” Sirius sounded skeptical, and Regulus felt suddenly infuriated.

After everything he’d been through in just a few hours, on top of all that his brother was going to sit there and patronize him, not take him for his word, when he could be hunted down by their lunatic cousin with a hard on for Voldemort and slaughtered where he stood simply because he rejected the Dark Mark?

“Yes, I ran away,” Regulus snarled, turning his head to seeth at Sirius. “Cowardly Slytherin Regulus Black ran away, let’s laugh at how fucking pathetic he is!”

“Easy, I’ve finally gotten the bleeding down, don’t break the skin again!” Sirius snapped, moving his hand from his brother’s fingers to instead grab his wrist, pinning it straight so he could get a few more drops of Dittany on Regulus’ arm. “It’s going to be tender and fragile for a while, you hit it too hard you’ll start bleeding again!”

When it seemed like Regulus wouldn’t be jerking away, Sirius released his wrist to return the Dittany onto the sink counter, then wet a rag under the sink faucet to clean the rest of the blood off Regulus’ arm.

“I didn’t want to,” Regulus said in frustration, without prompting. “I didn’t want to join them. I don’t want to torture or kill or rule over Muggles, I want to be left alone!”

“Regulus,” Sirius draped the cold rag over Regulus’ arm, squeezing it and meeting his little brother’s eye. “You did fine.”

Regulus felt speechless for a moment, confused. “Fine?” His head was pounding, and there was a painful tightness behind his eyes and in his nose.

“Yes, fine.” Sirius turned his head back down and continued to clean off the blood. “Tell me what happened, without screaming. I put up a charm but you might still wake James up.”

Regulus was far too tired to argue about James, shoulders sagging as Sirius moved his attention to washing the blood off his face, one hand holding his chin to wipe the rag over his chin and lips, gentle against the already scabbing cut in his lip.

“Mum and dad called me downstairs and said it was high time I join Bellatrix beside the Dark Lord. Something about her pulling strings to get me closer to his inner circle and get the Dark Mark.”

“And you said no?”

“Yeah…”

“Then what happened?”

Regulus stared past Sirius blankly. “I don’t remember,” he admitted. “I remember bits and pieces, but I think I hit my head, or I blocked it out because I just… had to, to protect myself.”

“Mum crucioed you,” Sirius said, checking the red marks left over on Regulus’ chest and down his ribs.

“Don’t tell me you’re surprised.”

“It made sense when she went after me, but you?”

“It was a natural reaction to her son saying no to her will.”

Sirius looked furious at that, grabbing Regulus by the arm again. “Regulus, look at me. That woman is our mother, and a mother does not hurt her children, she does not torture her children like she did to you, to both of us. A mother protects her child.”

Regulus felt immediately uncomfortable, and he wasn’t sure why. “She did protect us-”

“She was happy to ship you off to Voldemort like a present with a red bow, all those two wanted was for you to be perfect so they could get on that monster’s good side,” Sirius interrupted, reaching out to a particularly nasty bruise on Regulus’ side, hovering a hand over it to heal it. “If those two beat you for saying no, that is a problem, and you need to understand that. This is messed, Regulus. This isn’t right. They did this to you.” He leaned back on his heels, looking up at Regulus. “But I’m proud of you. You said no, and even if you said no for your own self interest, you still said no. I didn’t think you had that in you.”

“Because I’m a coward.”

“Because you’re young, you were raised in a prejudice house and didn’t have anyone there to guide you towards the light where you belong.”

“And whose fault is that, really?” Regulus asked, wanting to smack Sirius. “You know there’s only one person who could have influenced me more than our parents. I wonder where they were when it actually mattered?”

Sirius looked angry for all of four seconds before exhaustion and shame took over, reaching forward and leaning up just enough to wrap his arms around Regulus’ shoulders, one hand against the back of his head, completely unexpected. “I’m right here, you little bastard. I’m here when it matters.”

“Only after I’ve spilt blood for my cowardice,” Regulus said after the shock of embrace had worn down.

Sirius just squeezed Regulus tighter, then shook his head as he stood up. “Take a quick shower. I’ll go get you some clothes to sleep in.”

Regulus felt startled. “I’m staying?” He asked, watching Sirius move towards the door before stopping and looking over his shoulder.

“Got nowhere else, right? If you can depend on me for anything, it’s this.”

“This isn’t even your house.”

“Mum and dad are on holiday for the next three weeks, and James won’t mind. Just try and relax, you’re safe here.” He grabbed the doorknob on his way out and slowly closed it, sticking his head in through the crack and waving his hand. “Go, take a shower and get the rest of the blood off. I’ll grab you clothes to sleep in and bandage you up.”

“Fine,” Regulus agreed, his voice shaky, waiting for the door to shut fully before looking down at his arm where the splinched chunk of flesh had been healed for the most part. The bit of skin there was now scarred and noticeably paler than the rest of his skin.

He tried not to think anymore, getting to his feet and shucking off the rest of his clothes before stepping straight into the shower and turning the water on to the hottest it could go. He was rough as he washed his hair, scrubbing soap over his body to get the flaking blood off, flinching every time he hit a bruise or an open cut or scratch. Maybe he cried a bit under the water, maybe he didn’t, and when he stepped out of the shower to dry off, there was already a pile of folded clothes waiting for him.

He found Sirius waiting for him in the living room that was a little too homely. It was notably lived in, books still open on seats, old cups filled with cold tea that hadn’t been taken to the kitchen yet, and clothes draped over couches. Sirius was on the couch with vials of medicine, tins of ointment, and packs of bandages on the coffee table in front of him.

“Take a seat.” Sirius waved beside him, tearing open bandages. “I’ll wrap your arm up and such, then you should eat and drink something and lie down.”

It was long and silent as Sirius spread ointment over the tender scar on Regulus’ arm, then wrapped it carefully before bandaging the rest of Regulus’ cuts, scratches, and deep bruising before bringing him a mug of tea and a hastily made sandwich.

“I brought down a pillow and blanket, unless you want to sleep in my room with me?”

“What for?”

“I just figure after a night of getting your arse kicked,” Sirius quirked an eyebrow instead of finishing, but Regulus just glared at him, turning and grabbing the blanket before yanking it up. Sirius just sighed and set everything down, turning. “Suit yourself, but don’t blame me if James traipses down here and wakes you up at six in the morning.”

“Bitch!” Regulus yelled, throwing the blanket back and standing up. “You’re sleeping on the bloody floor!”

“S’my bed, Reggie, you can have the floor. Bring the tea at least.”

Regulus cursed as he grabbed the blanket, pillow, and tea, stumbling after Sirius and trying to keep his mouth shut as he followed his brother up the stairs and into a bedroom just at the top of the steps. Sirius cast another quick silencing spell, but kept his voice low regardless.

“James’ in the room down the hall to the left, the loo is on the right, don’t get those messed up or it’ll be strange for both of you.”

Regulus just glared at him, walking over to the right side of the bed, not stopping even when Sirius gave a noise of protest.

“I normally sleep on that side.”

Regulus threw his pillow down and set the still untouched tea on the bedside table. “I’ve just been beaten into the dirt by my own parents, you’re really going to whine over what side of the bed I take?”

Sirius grumbled in irritation but said nothing more, shuffling to the left side of the bed and flopping onto his back, leaving the covers off while Regulus dragged the sheets and duvet up over his head. For a while they were both quiet, until Sirius sighed and rolled his head to the side.

“Reg, look… I’m sorry for leaving you there. You know that, right? I’m not trying to make an excuse to make you forgive me or anything, I just need you to understand that when I left you I… I didn’t like it, okay? I don’t hate you, you’re my brother, and if there’s anything in my life I regret it’s the way I just abandoned you, and I am sorry.” There was no response, so Sirius huffed. “You’re already asleep, aren’t you? Sod you, then, sod my apology.” 

He rolled onto his side, turning his back to Regulus and punching his pillow into place before flopping into it. Regulus, despite what Sirius thought, was actually awake, peeking out from under the duvet to stare at the wall and urge himself not to cry. It took longer than he wanted, but the anxiety finally faded and the exhaustion had him gratefully passing out curled up under the covers and feeling almost safe.

Sirius was still fast asleep snoring into his pillow the next morning, but Regulus barely spared him a glance as he struggled to sit up. Though it was the morning after getting smacked sideways, it was like he’d just been beaten. His entire body hurt, he felt as if he’d been struck by the Hogwarts Express, and standing up almost had him falling onto his face, but he managed to limp his way to the door, fumbling into the hall and dragging himself towards the loo, freezing when he lifted his head at the same time as James, who was wandering towards him from the other end of the hall, hair sticking up from his pillow and glasses lopsided, eyes bleary with sleep and yawning as he rubbed his shoulder.

Regulus found himself completely stuck to the spot, staring at James, who was shirtless with dark red pajama bottoms hanging low on his hips. Regulus’ cheeks burned as James met his eye, pausing and squinting, not so much angry as confused, like he didn’t recognize Regulus at first. After a moment, though, his eyes seemed more awake, sweeping over the younger wizard curiously.

“Is there any reason you’re wearing my shirt?” He asked, and Regulus gaped at him before lifting a hand to grab the front of the shirt he was wearing, looking down at it and feeling absolutely petrified when he realized it was an old Quidditch jersey with the name Potter printed on it.

“I… Sirius…”

“Gave you my shirt instead of his? Ah, maybe grabbed it from the clean laundry. That’s what I get for not putting my clothes away.” He was acting a little more casual and friendly than Regulus expected, and he nodded at Regulus. “What happened to you, anyway? How do you know where I live? What’s with the excessive bandaging? Get in a fight?”

Regulus still felt speechless and confused, trying to figure out how much he could say despite his anxiety twisting in his stomach. In the end he managed to speak, because this was James’ house after all, and if Regulus was going to be hiding there, at least until he knew what to do next, then he deserved to know what was going on. Regulus was nothing if not polite and respectful when he needed to be.

“I… last night… got kicked out.”

James looked dumbstruck, eyes as wide as saucers. “Are you serious?”

“No I’m Regulus.”

It was an immediate response that Regulus didn’t think would have any effect until James threw his head back laughing loudly. He strode forward once he’d gotten a hold of himself, reaching out to squeeze Regulus’ shoulder, gently and barely touching Regulus as if he was afraid to hurt him.

“Oh yeah, you’re fun. You can keep the shirt by the way, looks good on you.”

He passed Regulus once he was done, and Regulus continued on to the loo as James knocked roughly on Sirius’ door behind him.

“Alright, Pads, wake up, let’s make breakfast! We’ve got three to feed and I’m not eating that Muggle oat pudding crap Remus sent us again!”

Regulus shut the door once he was in the loo, pressing both hands flat against it before backing away, looking down at the shirt again and curling his fingers into the front of it, just under the name. It was odd, but somehow through his pounding headache Regulus got the idea that Sirius absolutely gave him this shirt on purpose.

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