#since i already posted about the dream tiger here's another tiger i did

[clipglitch]

[literary-illuminati]

Books I Read In August

38. When the Tiger Came Down The Mountain by Nghi Vo

I’m an increasingly big fan of Vo’s work. The Empress of Salt and Fortune was good, but honestly didn’t really stick with me nearly as much as this did. 

Part of that is just the increased centrality of the framing device, honestly. I mean first of all I don’t really tend to have much patience for wish-fulfillment characters, but very hard to overstate how much Chih is just living the dream life (and my university indoctrination was thorough enough that the association of the study/preservation/gathering of history and sacredness seems very right and fitting to me. 

Also, I just absolutely adore when the story makes a thing of unreliable narrators. Like, when someone’s telling a story and as the scene’s ending someone else interrupts and goes “You’re telling it all wrong!” and gives a completely different version that’s at least as biased in another direction? Poetry. 

The actual myth with the lesbian romance and the were-tiger warlord and stuff was also a lot of fun don’t get me wrong, but like, would have been a bit forgettable without the framing device stuff around it. 

Anyway, give Chih a tv show. Or at least a half dozen more novellas like this. 

39. Deaf Republic by Ilya Kaminsky

This is the first actual full book of poetry I’ve read….I mean ever, probably, if we’re taking cover to cover. Certainly since I finished high school. So there’s some Culture achieved. 

I was…not especially impressed, if I’m being entirely honest? Or, properly - “We Lived Happily During The War '' and “In A Time of Peace '' were both really affecting, but also I had already read both (posted here on tumblr, actually). They’re what sold me on the book. Everything between them did, well, not really live up to it?

I mean, I’m sure that there’s all manner of genius in craft and stuff that flew right over my head, but it just seemed so focused on being clever with line breaks that it failed to do much else. Like, most of the books on the list have plenty of lines that are more poetic by my (doubtlessly irredeemably philistine) definition than any of the poems that made up the middle of the book. 

40. The Yiddish Policemen’s Union by Michael Chabon

I honestly forget where I first heard about this book, but it’s been very vaguely sitting on my mental tbr list for the last few years,and the library happened to have it in, so. 

Anyway, the conceit (an alternate history where WW2 went slightly differently, and also Israel lost in 1947, and through a bunch of political compromises there ended up being an autonomous federal district carved out in Alaska as a temporary national home for the Jewish people - ‘temporary’ meaning expiring on the near year as the novel takes place) is just fascinating, and Chabon had a lot of fun with little offhand references to how different the rest of the world has gotten, too. The fact that everyone speaks Yiddish but with occasional catch phrases and curses called out as being said in American was cute, too.

The story itself was just incredibly, almost painfully noir - genius of a police detective with a ruined marriage, crippling alcoholism, and no future is woken up in the middle of the night because a heroin addict who boards in the same hotel as him was found dead by gunshot, discovers that the victim was the firstborn son of a prominent underworld/religious authority, disowned and ostracized for being gay, through this he stumbles into a sinister conspiracy involving the CIA and the death of his sister. He can’t stop the conspiracy but he might just be able to get justice for the murder, etc, etc. The commitment to the genre is fun,but the late night diners and descriptions of hangovers do begin to get old eventually.

It was also kind of dated, in an interesting way? Like, the Federal government spooks being clean cut bible college boys, all polite and well mannered and sincere Christian Zionists trying to get America into a war to help bring about the End Times, really feels like the sort of thing that only gets written during the Bush Administration. (The single tragic too-good-for-the-world dead heroine addict gay guy and the constant jokes about every less-than-perfectly-feminine woman being mistaken for a lesbian, also somewhat dated).

Anyway, think my vocabulary of random Yiddish words about doubled from reading this, and also many themes about Judaism that I am not even slightly qualified to comment on. 

41: Rogue Protocol by Martha Wells

This books are so fun. And just about perfectly bite-sized, too.

Or tv episode sized, really - each has about the perfect amount of plot for an hour long episode of network tv, I think. Pity they’re basically unadaptable. 

Anyway, not too much to say about this, really, except that Murderbot’s complete inability to understand their own emotions would probably be annoying by now if it wasn’t so funny, and reading it really left a grin on my face. 

Or well, also, I do really enjoy all the little hints that the ‘corporate rim’ is actually kind of a galactic shithole, and Murderbot just treats it like the hegemonic default because its all they know. Certainly nowhere else seems to be nearly as bad about synthetic life (nowhere’s exactly good either, mind, but).

42. Radiance by Catherynne Valente

Oh I adored this book. 

I mean in large part because I’m a big fan of Valente’s prose when she gets all grandiloquent, and also the basic aesthetic of the setting (High Victorian Space Age by way of the Golden Age of Hollywood on the moon) is just utter catnip to me. But the whole epistolary pretension, telling the story through interviews after the fact and remaining scraps of documentary footage and different drafts of a dramatization made a decade latter that are each completely different genres and occasional clips of Severin’s previous films? 

It’s all just showing off to an incredible degree and I’m sure if I didn’t love the book I’d find it unbearably pretentious, but I do, so it’s absolutely great. 

The amateur historian in me was kind of irked by the sort of political stasis - it does the fallout thing where the fin de siecle kind of just continues uninterrupted for another fifty years bit with stranger and more wondrous tech, the apocalypse of the Great War put off by all the virgin lands to colonize and everything just kind of continuing as it was (except for the development of the film industry). But that’s kind of a theme. (Much more minorly, the world only seems to have gotten weird in the late 19th century, except that there are sovereign and internationally significant Seneca and Iroquois nations that get mentioned several times, which kind of require a fundamental change to the nature of the American state significantly before then.) 

The ending also didn’t really land for me - anything about infinite multiverses honestly makes it difficult for me to stay invested, and anything where the fictional setting tries to encompass/include the ‘real world’ almost always loses me instantly (qualified exception for actual portal fantasy, if it’s good. But introducing the real world in the third act has basically only ever worked for me exactly once).

Which is a pity, because aside from those bits the ending could have been designed to appeal to me in a lab. Was so close to perfection. 

43. How to Invent Everything by Ryan North 

I took a three week break in the middle, so this technically took me a full calendar month to read. Library was getting pretty angry. 

Anyway, I think I said it before but I stand by it  - this book would be a significant improvement over the majority of currently existing middle/high school science curriculums. (In the same way that Magic School Bus and Bill Nye taught me more than science class ever did until high school (and even then)). 

Anyway, did pick up a lot of interesting trivia, and the author is apparently the dinosaur comics guy(?), which really shows through in the writing (not ALL the jokes come anywhere close to landing, but the ones that don’t are mostly dad-joke like enough that it’s kind of endearing). 

Also learned the exact limits of my understanding in (in decreasing order of) mechanical engineering, electricity, and computers. (I really do need someone to gently take me by the hand at some point and explain how basic logic gates doing addition and subtraction ends up with, well, tumblr, or triple A video games, or any of it. Like on a mechanical level.) 

Anyway, I should take up sewing. And write the half-essay floating around my head about how horrible mines are and how morally uncomfortable that is.

44. Stiff: The Curious Life of Human Cadavers, by Mary Roach

Okay I forget who on here recommended this to me, but thanks! Was a ton of fun, great light morbid summer read.

Roach has a great sort of chatty style, and she does the thing I normally rather dislike working personal anecdotes and descriptions of people she interviewed into everything, but she honestly actually makes it work. 

It came out in the early 2000s and was endearingly dated at times, and vaguely racist in a ‘the strange and exotic Orient!’ way at others, but like generally mostly holds up, I think? 

It’s not nearly as difficult a read as you’d expect given the subject matter (‘the human corpse, how it decays, and things we do to it’, essentially). Or, well,that might me a be mostly a me thing, but I found it a trove of fun trivia, anyway. 

(The one exception being the section on the history of the pursuit of the human head transplant, and specifically the animal experiments done on the subject. That made me more queasy than anything I can remember reading recently, which is I suppose a useful thing to know about myself.)

[daenqyu]

heather | kaminari denki

— gif isn’t mine !! credits go to @misakachan

pairing: kaminari x fem!reader | platonic!kirishima x fem!reader

genre: LOTS of angst, some comfort(?)

summary: kaminari had been oblivious to your feelings for years now, and at first it was okay, you didn’t mind hiding them. until you noticed the way he looked at her and suddenly, it wasn’t okay anymore.

warnings: swearing

word count: 5.6k

a/n: this is my first time writing and posting for a bnha character so i really hope you guys like it <3 i usually don’t write angst, but i couldn’t stop thinking about this and decided to write it down and i’m very happy with how it turned out.

« i still remember third of december

me in your sweater, you said it looked better

on me, than it did you, only if you knew

how much i liked you »

YOUR whole body trembled thanks to the coldness surrounding you, the snow decorating the floor and trees being a clear sign that winter had already begun in japan. you hugged your arms in a poor attempt to provide yourself some kind of heath, only to be met with the feeling of your cold hands. out of all the days you could’ve forgotten your jacket, it had to be on one of the coldest days of december. profanities fell from your lips as you tried your best to endure the pain until the bus came, but you were sure you would pass out by then. or maybe you were exaggerating.

the bus stop wasn’t that far away from your house, maybe if you ran you could get your jacket and get back on time to catch the bus. you checked your phone to see the time, a groan leaving your lips as you realized that was going to be practically impossible. if you left now, by the time you came back the bus would be long gone. dammit, why do i have to forget everything?

“well well, look who we have here.” your ears perked up as soon as you heard the male’s voice, a small smile making its way to your lips.

kaminari made his way over to you, both hands on his pockets as he returned the smile, making the butterflies in your stomach go crazy. the smile didn't falter until he took note of your current state. his eyes widened with concern and his hands worked fast to take his jacket off.

“denki, what are you doing?” confusion was evident on your face, but that didn’t stop the blonde from wrapping you up in the warm material.

you blushed from the sudden proximity, his face just inches away as he finished zipping up the piece of clothing. it didn’t take long before his cologne filled your nostrils and you basked in the comfort it gave you; it smelled like home. kaminari’s smile returned to his face when he saw your body visibly relax at the newfound heath, even though goosebumps began to form on his skin by the sudden change of temperature. he could handle being cold for a few hours.

“there, now you won’t die of hypothermia.”

“but what about you?”

he shrugged, tilting his head to the side before answering, “it’s fine, it looks better on you anyways.”

you knew he probably meant it in a friendly way, but you couldn’t help the way your heart skipped a beat at the compliment. suddenly you felt all warm inside, and it wasn’t because of the jacket. but rather the effect your best friend had on you.

right.

the smile slowly disappeared from your face, replaced with a hurt expression instead.

that’s all we are.

realization dawned upon you quickly and you scolded yourself for almost believing something so irrational and overall stupid. but as he nudged your arm with his elbow and started talking to you about a new video game that had come out that exact same day, his eyes sparkling with excitement as he did so, you allowed yourself to hold on to that fantasy a little longer. after all, dreaming didn’t hurt anyone right?

and so, you spent the whole ride to school envisioning an universe in which kaminari returned your feelings for him. an universe in which he loved you just as much as you loved him and you didn’t have to worry about anything, because at least you had him. an universe in which you didn’t have to overthink every little thing he did, wondering whether or not he actually meant it or if he was being his usual flirty self. an universe in which you were able to call him yours.

when school ended and you found yourself at the bus station once again, with kaminari next to you, you began to take off the jacket, having it worn all day and deciding it was time to give it back. but kaminari’s hands stopped you, hovering on top of yours, before you could finish unzipping it. you looked at him questioningly, trying your best to ignore the erratic beating of your heart and the electricity you felt right where your hands were touching.

“you can keep it.” his words confused you even more.

“what? no. it’s your jacket, you’ll get cold and besides it’s-”

“oh please don’t act like you don’t love wearing my clothes.” his tone was teasing, yet knowingly eyes scanned your face and you looked away, a hint of blush across your cheeks.

“whatever, but don’t expect to get it back.” kaminari laughed, his hands leaving your own and you had to hold back from taking it and interlacing your fingers together.

as you parted ways, walking in opposite directions to head back to your houses after a long day at school, you hugged yourself for the second time that day. this time, actually being able to feel warm. both inside and out.

—

« but I watch your eyes

as she walks by

what a sight for sore eyes

brighter than the blue sky

she’s got you mesmerized

while I die »

YOU and kaminari told each other everything, well at least most things. so it didn’t surprise you when he started rambling about yet another girl. don’t get me wrong, you loved him to death, but you had to admit that the boy could be quite unlucky with the ladies, much to own your luck that is. but this time was different and you both knew it. you noticed it in the way he smiled whenever he talked about her, how he was able to light up from just hearing her name, and most importantly, the way he looked at her. and you immediately knew. because it was the same way you looked at him.

she was your classmate and friend, and you could totally understand why kaminari was so smitten with her. she was funny, smart, caring, beautiful; in other words everything you weren’t. and while it’s true you knew it was bad to be envious of people, specially your friends, you simply couldn’t not wish to be her. i mean come on, not only did she have an awesome quirk you had no chance of competing against, she also had the boy you loved wrapped around her finger and she wasn’t even aware of it.

“and then when he was about to- denki, are you even listening?” he wasn’t, but you didn’t want to admit that.

“hm? oh sorry! what were you saying?” his pretty amber eyes looked at you for only a split second, before going back to admire the dark purpled haired girl.

jirou stood a few feet away from you guys, talking and laughing with sero and mina. you could feel your heart slowly breaking as you saw kaminari’s lips curl into a small smile when she briefly looked at him, waving at him in the process. and of course you didn’t miss the way she blushed.

“ah it’s nothing important anyways.”

“hey y/n, do you think i should ask jirou out?”

oh.

you were pretty certain you stopped breathing once your brain registered his words. how could he be so oblivious?! you had been friends since fucking middle school and you were supposed to believe that he never once noticed how hopelessly in love you were with him? did you not show it enough? were you that bad at displaying your love for people? or was he just ridiculously dumb? you desperately hoped it was the latter, because deep down a part of you still believed that there was a possibility for you two. that an us could be possible if you just showed him how serious you were about him.

but the rational part of you was screaming at you to stop being so damn stupid, to finally open your eyes and realize kaminari didn’t and would never reciprocate your feelings. that you were hoping for the impossible to happen, that you were preparing yourself for absolute heartbreak if you thought for a second he would choose you over her. and while you wanted nothing more than to yell at him for being so dense, for not seeing that you were right there, you simply couldn’t. so you went with the safer option.

“y-yeah, you should. i’m sure she’ll say yes.” you were able to muster a smile, and despite the lump in your throat, you feel happiness surge through you as he turns around and gives you a big smile.

“you think so? but what if she says no?”

“any girl would be lucky to have you, denki. you’re sweet, cool, and funny. what more could a girl ask for?” you were only half joking, but of course he didn’t notice.

“well if you say it like that it just sounds like you have a crush on me.” he winked at you and you swore you were about to pass out. not only because of the wink, but because of his sudden implication. (which was a fact)

“you wish,” you snort to make it seem more real, and it seems to work because kaminari’s now pouting at you. “now go get em’ tiger.”

“please don’t say that again.”

“wow okay, cold.”

he stood up, taking a deep breath before walking over to jirou, starting off with a joke as he leaned down on her desk and, as much as she tried to stifle it, a loud laugh escaped her. apparently kaminari’s charm didn’t only work on you. but oh how you wished it did because that way you would be the one getting asked out right now, not her. quite frankly, you would give anything to have him look at you the way he was looking at her right now, as if she was some mystical creature. or better yet, as if he was under some kind of love spell that made him unable to look at anyone else like that.

from the other corner of the classroom, a certain red haired guy looked at you with pity in his eyes, but also concern. he made his way to you, sitting down in kaminari’s previous spot. you sent him a, clearly fake, smile when you noticed it was none other than kirishima, one of your best friends. but he saw right through that.

“hey,” his voice was soft and low, he didn’t exactly want the whole class to know about what was going on. “are you okay?”

you gulped, but still nodded. “of course, why wouldn’t i be?” another fake smile.

“don’t give me that bullshit y/n. you don’t need to lie to me.” that was all you needed to hear before dropping the act, your smile quickly being replaced with a frown and kirishima’s heart hurt for you.

“this sucks,” you say under your breath, looking away towards their direction only to see kaminari playing with one of jirou’s earphone jacks, which obviously made the pain in your chest worsen. “i just want him to look at me the same way he looks at her,” tears began to sting at the corners of your eyes. “is that too much to ask for?” you asked no one in particular as you looked up to kirishima.

“it’s not, but you’ll be okay,” without thinking it twice, he hugged you and you didn’t fight back, instead welcoming the warmth his chest provided you and resting your head against one of his shoulders. “you know he doesn’t know y/n, if he did i’m sure things would be different.”

“i know, but it’s fine. i just want him to be happy.”

even if it’s not with me.

but you don’t say that, preferring to just stay on kirishima’s arms a little longer while trying to ignore the two love birds giggling behind you, your heart breaking more and more each time you heard kaminari’s sweet words. because they weren’t for you, they were for her.

—

« why would you ever kiss me?

i’m not even half as pretty

you gave her your sweater

it’s just polyester

but you like her better

wish i were heather »

HIDING your emotions was something you mastered pretty well by now. you spent years keeping your feelings for kaminari to yourself and you didn’t mind at all; you had come to terms with the fact that this crush was probably one sided a long time ago. so, why did you suddenly felt the need to tell him? it never bothered you, but now, after having to see him every day making heart eyes at her and hear him talk about how cool she was, you thought maybe it wasn’t such a bad idea. you just wanted him to have the option; he deserved to know right? or maybe you were just hoping that he would choose you over her. just like you would choose him over anyone in a heartbeat.

but to be honest, you didn’t know what you would do with yourself if he didn’t. if he chose her over you while knowing you loved him too. what if she meant more to him than you did? what if he thought you were outright weird and things became awkward? what if your friendship wasn’t as special as you thought it was? you shook your head, hands coming up to your temples to try and get rid of some of the tension. no, that couldn’t be. you knew he loved you...at least as a friend.

it had been 2 months already since kaminari and jirou started talking. they weren’t oficial yet, but you accidentally overheard her conversation with yaoyorozu a few days ago and heard her complaining about how she wished he finally made a move on her. that somehow relieved you because at least they hadn’t gotten physical yet, but at the same time you wondered if you were being a bad friend by thinking that. maybe you were, but you couldn’t help it. i mean you liked the boy for fucks sake, it was understandable that you weren’t exactly hoping for them to pounce on each other.

“where’s denki?” kirishima asked as he caught up with you in the hallway, both of you making your way to the new dorms.

“don’t know, he left before i could even ask him.” you tried your best to sound neutral, but you knew you didn’t do a good job when you heard kirishima sighing. however, much to your liking, he stayed quiet and didn’t say anything about it, changing the topic to today’s events.

you were grateful to have him; he was the only one who knew about your crush on kaminari and the only one who was able to take your mind off things even for just a little while. soon enough you found yourself laughing by his side as he talked about bakugou’s weird antics and how hot-headed he could be at times, which you had experienced firsthand.

“he was all like ‘hey shitty hair, if you’re not gonna do a good work then fuck off!’ like man calm down, i didn’t even do anything.” you giggled at his accurate impersonation of the angry blonde. shaking your head as you looked up, noticing you were already at the dorms building.

you squinted your eyes when you saw two people standing right in front of the main entrance, but couldn’t make out their faces thanks to the long distance. yet the closer you got, the better you could see them. and once your eyes focused on the couple completely, everything stopped.

it was them.

they were kissing.

right in front of you.

his arms were wrapped around her waist, holding her close to him as if he never wanted to let her go, and her own were wrapped around his neck, caressing his soft blonde hair which you loved to ruffle whenever he laid down on your lap.

they looked so beautiful, straight out of a cheesy romcom movie. the sun was beginning to set and its rays reflected on their skin perfectly, making them look golden. and in that precise moment you realized just how beautiful jirou was and how much she complimented kaminari in every sense of the word. could it be that they were made for each other?

before you knew it, a single tear rolled down your cheek, and you weakly smiled at kirishima when he opened his mouth to try and comfort you, yet no words seemed to come out. because he knew that no matter what he said, the damage was already done. the couple hadn’t even noticed you two, too immersed in their own little world as they giggled and made their way inside, all while holding each other’s hands.

“they make a good couple, don’t they?” you fixed your eyes on your shoes, holding back the sobs that desperately wanted to escape you.

“y/n…” kirishima’s tone was sad, mostly because he didn’t know what to do, but also because he understood perfectly the pain you were going through. he had been experiencing it for a while now.

“i’ll see you tomorrow, kiri.” you sent him another smile, but right when you started walking towards the entrance he managed to see the tears falling down your cheeks as you bit down on your lower lip.

and somehow, that kiss proved to you that you could never beat her, that she had won over kaminari’s heart. something you could never do.

—

« watch as she stands with her holding your hand

put your arm 'round her shoulder, 

now I'm getting colder

but how could I hate her? 

she’s such an angel

but then again, kinda wish she were dead »

PEOPLE often say one’s happiness shouldn’t relay on others and you had always been a firm believer of that, knowing that people were unpredictable and that they could change at any moment given. so it was only reasonable that you made yourself happy, without needing to depend on other people, yet that didn’t really add up with your current situation. it made you look like a hypocrite.

ever since jirou and kaminari started dating, you had been spending less and less time together. the only time you could have him all to yourself was when you occasionally paired up during training and even then you didn’t really talk much. you were happy everything had worked out for them, and you loved to see kaminari happy, but it hurt you. it hurt so much, to the point that sometimes it was hard to get out of bed. 

you missed your best friend. and you knew it was selfish, but did it even matter at this point? did he he notice how you talked less and less? how you barely smiled anymore? of course he didn’t. he was too busy looking at her anyways, too busy going on dates and learning how to play the guitar just for her. his girlfriend. 

and as much as you wanted to hate them both, you didn’t have it in you. why would you? because they were happy and in love? you weren’t that desperate. but sometimes, as you watched her throw her head back while she laughed at something kaminari said, you wished he had never met her. you wished you never came to UA in the first place, that way they wouldn’t have met and you would probably still have your best friend by your side. no. even if he hadn’t met her, you knew he would never go for a girl like you.

these past few months had been hell for you, you barely left your room unless it was for school, your eating habits couldn’t have gotten any worse, and you weren’t getting any sleep, too busy crying your eyes out as you wondered what the hell you did wrong. and you knew what you were doing wasn’t healthy, but a part of you wished that something really bad happened to you just so kaminari would pay attention to you again. but he didn’t.

today was one of those days, you didn’t feel like getting up your bed just to watch a dumb movie with your classmates, and possible have to witness jirou and kaminari being all lovey dovey right in front of you. the thought alone was enough to make you roll your eyes, scoffing at how much the pair loved PDA. 

“come on y/n! it’ll be so fun.” kirishima was currently trying to convince you to go watch a movie with the rest of class 1-A in the common room, but as expected you denied his invitation. “even bakugou is going!” 

“then you’ll be more than fine without me.” 

“i’ll miss you tho.” he gave you puppy eyes and you groaned, placing your pillow over your face.

“since when are you so cheesy?”

“stop trying to change the subject,” a frustrated sigh left his lips, and you lowered your pillow to look at him. he was sitting down on the floor with his legs crossed, a frown evident on his face. “i know you don’t wanna talk about it, but you can’t keep on like this y/n.” you flinched slightly at his serious tone.

“i know,” this time it was you who sighed, weighing your options in your head. you knew kirishima was right and he was trying his best to make you feel better, so the least you could do was make him some company. “okay fine,” his head turned in your direction, looking at you hopefully. “i’ll go, but it better be a good movie.” 

“yes! you won’t regret it, i promise. and if at some point you wanna leave, then we’ll leave, but you have to at least try.” your heart swelled at his consideration; he was too sweet to you and you didn’t deserve it at all.

“you don’t have to do that, kiri.”

“but i want to. i know it’s not easy, so i’m proud of you for doing this.” his words made a lump appear in your throat. maybe you were being overly sensitive, but hearing him say that meant a lot.

it wasn’t long before the clock striked 9PM and everyone started making their way to the common room, chatting happily as they sat down and got everything ready for the night. you watched as people started to take a seat, whether it was on the couches or on the floor, and you started to get a bit anxious when you noticed kaminari walking down the stairs, but jirou was nowhere to be seen. thankfully.

as much as you tried to not let him have an effect on you, your heart still skipped a beat whenever you saw him. it was truly inevitable, but what you hated the most was knowing you had no effect on him whatsoever. 

before you could look away and hide from his view, kaminari spotted you. he sent you a big smile, waving his hand before walking over to where you stood. ok, calm down act normal. it’s just denki. you tried to calm yourself down, but your breath hitched in your throat when you suddenly felt his arms engulf you in a tight hug, your arms slowly coming up to his neck to return the gesture. you would be lying if you said you hadn’t miss this feeling. the feeling of being home again. 

but it ended way too fast for your liking.

“hey you! we haven’t hung out in a while, i miss you.” 

because you’re too busy with your girlfriend, asshole. 

“yeah sorry about that, i’ve been kinda busy i guess.” your tone was off and he noticed, but he brushed it off. maybe she’s tired.

“then what are you doing tomorrow? we can go to the mall or wherever you want to.” your head quickly shot up, looking at him with nothing but hope in your eyes.

“really?”

“of course! we need to have some bestie time.” the wink he sent you was playful, but your lips still curved into a smile from hearing him saying he wanted to spend time with you.

“then maybe we can go to this new-”

“hey babe i saved you a seat,” out of the blue, jirou appeared right next to kaminari, slipping her hand into his. and your heart clenched when you noticed he held it back tightly. “oh, hi y/n!” she sent you a warm, genuine smile, and you felt so bad for wanting her to feel your pain. 

“hi jirou.” 

“i was just telling y/n about how we should hang out.” you frowned at him, is he inviting her? 

“oh? where did you plan on going?” 

“i told her she should pick.”

“well that sounds even more fun, any ideas?”

“actually i just remembered i got some homework to finish.” it was a lie, but you didn’t have it in you to third wheel on what was supposed to be a date with your best friend.

“what?” kaminari asked you, not understanding you sudden change in attitude.

“yeah, maybe next time tho.” he wanted to ask what was wrong, but as he opened his mouth to do so, you saw kirishima walking towards the common room with bakugou and took that as your cue to leave the awkward encounter. 

“well that was weird.” he mumbled to himself and jirou looked at him questioningly, wondering what he meant.

“hm? what was that babe?” the blonde shook his head, convincing himself he was probably overthinking things. he placed his arm around his girlfriend’s shoulder before walking over to one of the couches. to be more precise, the couch in front of yours. 

you sat beside kirishima, your leg bouncing up and down anxiously as you waited for iida to finally play the goddamn movie so you had something else to pay attention to instead of them. kirishima quickly noticed the unusual movement and was about to ask you what was wrong, but once he saw where your gaze was locked on, it didn’t take him long to put two and two together. 

he knew better than to ask you in front of everyone if you were okay, so he just gave your knee a light squeeze, which you highly appreciated and let him know so by smiling at him. after a few minutes that felt like eternity, iida played the movie and told everyone to not make any unnecessary noises and be considerate of your classmates which made you scoff slightly. 

twenty minutes into the movie and everything was going great so far. you had actually managed to get immersed in the plot and found yourself leaning your head against kirishima’s shoulder to get a better view, but also because the effect of not having a stable sleeping schedule was dawning on you. however, just when you thought you were about to fall asleep on your friend’s comfortable shoulder, you heard some giggles. you opened your eyes slowly, frowning when you saw kaminari leaving small kisses on jirou’s neck. your heart felt like it was being stabbed for the hundredth time and you tried to ignore them and just focus on the tv screen. you really tried to remain calm, to keep up your act just as you had done all this months, but you lost it when you heard those three damn words leave his lips.

“i love you.”

it was low, barely even audible, but you heard it. you heard it loud and clear. and just like that, with your heart losing every last bit of hope it had, you stood up from your seat abruptly, making everyone look at you, before making your way upstairs without saying another word. all of your classmates looked between them, not only confused, but also concerned. 

“oi shitty hair,” bakugou spoke from his place next to kirishima, who looked at him with an eyebrow raised. “go check up on her.” he muttered and kirishima only nodded before walking upstairs to follow you.

bakugou’s words worried kaminari even more, was there something going on with you that he didn’t know about? was that why you were acting so weird earlier? no way, you told him everything. you were best friends after all...right? and with that question on his mind, he couldn’t focus on the movie or his girlfriend anymore.

you walked towards your room silently, even though you wanted nothing more than to scream and fight someone. you wanted, no, needed to let all of your pent up frustration out. you had been patient enough, putting his happiness before your own for years now, and while you knew it wasn’t his fault at all, you wanted to be mad at him about something. you wanted him to understand that this wasn’t fair, that you could be good for him if he gave you the chance, that you wouldn’t be a waste of his time, but the only thing that was coming out of you were tears.

angry tears stained your face as they furiously ran down your cheeks, reminding you of all the sleepless nights you spent alone, crying your heart out to no one but yourself. you stood in front of your room, hand reaching out to the door’s knob to open it and spend yet another night wondering why the hell you weren’t enough. but a hand stopped you.

kirishima’s grip on your forearm was gentle, but firm enough to let you know he wasn’t going anywhere, and somehow, his touch made you want to cry even more. you tried to push him away, telling him that you were perfectly fine, yet your bloodshot eyes told a whole different story. and as much as you kicked and screamed, kirishima knew the last thing you needed was to be alone.

“let go!” seeing that holding your arms had no effect on you whatsoever, he tried a different approach. his strong arms hugged you to his chest, and, as much as you wanted to deny it, you found comfort in them. “i said let me go, kirishima.” 

“no. y/n listen to me. you need to stop bottling all your feelings up, nothing good will come out of that,” you finally started to relax, breathing heavily as you listened to his words. “it doesn’t matter if you talk, cry, or scream, but you need to voice out how you feel. if it’s not to him, then tell me. i’m always ready to listen.” his voice was so gentle, so soft, yet it held so much emotion and honesty. 

more tears fell down your cheeks as you gripped kirishima’s shirt tightly against your fingers, your face hiding comfortably on his chest. 

“i can’t take this anymore kiri,” you started talking and kirishima was quick to hug you a little tighter, one of his hands rubbing small circles on the small of your back. “i miss him so much, i miss my best friend. and i want him to be happy, i really do, but why must his happiness cause me so much pain?” a sob racked through your whole body after hearing yourself say those words, the ones you never thought you’d voice out to someone. “at first it was fine and i didn’t mind that much, but now? we barely even talk anymore, and when we do it’s always small talk. and we used to talk for hours about everything and anything, we would never get bored when we were together. now it’s like i don’t even exist to him except for when he seems to have some time to spare. did our friendship meant shit to him? because fuck i wasted years of my life loving someone who can’t even notice how much i’ve been struggling.” 

by this point your tears had stained kirishima’s shirt almost completely, but he couldn’t give less of a fuck about that. all that mattered was you and only you. the only thought on his mind was how he was gonna make you feel better. so he held you in his arms a little longer, hoping that somehow his actions could express everything he felt. his free hand came up to caress your hair while he shushed you softly, rocking you two back and forth. 

that’s how the night ended. 

you, with your heart broken in a million pieces, longing for the person who made you feel this way. because you knew you would always love him, maybe even more than you loved yourself. you knew that no matter how much you tried to hate him, you could never even get close to feeling anything but pure adoration for the boy. and if having him in your life implied having to handle all this heartache and hurt, then maybe you could endure it. because for him it was all worth it. 

and a certain redhead with all his feelings caught in his throat. he wanted nothing more than to scream at you for not noticing he understood completely how you felt, way more than you imagined, yet he knew that you would always only have eyes for him. but perhaps that was okay. if the only way to be close to you was comforting you because you loved a guy who was too dense to see what he had in front of him, then so be it. in the end it was all worth it for you.

[asexualone]

(pls take the time to read)

Signs I should have known I was aro: Disney edition

I think this topic has been stressed a lot already. But here is my take, anyway.

Of course, romantic love had been, is and will always be one of the main themes in kids' movies. Why, I can never fully understand. I'll explain below how I like other themes more.

Some time ago, I did a post on the kiss/hug scenes in Rapunzel which depicts how much more I value acts of showing love that don't include kissing.

Not only those two. I have a history of hating Disney on-screen smooches. As a kid, I thought, "Well, maybe, I don't like seeing these characters kiss because it's a grownup thing."

Could you blame me? When my parents were in the room and a kissing scene appeared on the screen, they changed the channel. So my toddler brain concluded that the reason I didn't like watching kisses was because I wasn't of age to like it. Or something.

At the time, I had no idea that I was hand-picking my favorite movies by the level of romance they had in. Or lack thereof. And I was a very judgemental kid. Let's go through my original thoughts on some Disney classics.

Snow White — No. Just no. She's a child, fourteen. Marrying an older guy she doesn't even know. After he kisses her corpse. NO.

Cinderella — The age difference is a little better, I guess. So is the age of consent. But they only talked one (1) night and he relied on that slipper to find her instead of asking to meet all women and see for himself. Fairytale logic I guess. I didn't like how she called it love immediately and kissed the prince at least once that same night. Or how they got married immediately.

The Sleeping Beauty — Must I even explain? Aurora didn't even know Philip that much, had only met him once (if you exclude the "dreams"). And yet, he's her true love, the only one who can revive her corpse. Ridiculous. And yes, kissing a comatose body, ew. Also, the arranged marriage trope pisses me off, royalty or not. Aurora was engaged as a newborn baby, come on.

Mulan — Cinematic gold. I didn't know it back then, but the fact that romantic love is such a pushed-aside aspect in this movie gives me life. The songs give me life. Especially when the trio dresses as concubines and "Be a Man" plays in the background. An absolute gem, lmao. The sequel however ruined the story somewhat for me, too much lovey-dovey stuff. I like Mulan more when she's fighting than when she's acting all sappy towards Shang, sorry not sorry.

Peter Pan — Loved it, still do. But I did dislike the mermaids, the image of fangirls who are petty towards other girls. And Pan's brief "relationship" with Tiger Lily was nauseating to me. I couldn't explain it but when Pan blushed at her nose-nuzzling thing, I always pulled a face.

The Princess and the Frog — In my opinion, (remember, always my opinion): Tiana, this hard-working girl who doesn't belong to anyone, was lost to love. Well, not lost. But falling for Naveen in the course of three days? Unrealistic and kinda unnecessary. Sweet, but still. I adored the "relationship" between Ray and Evangeline more. Either way, it's a movie that I enjoyed when love wasn't that prominent on screen.

Aladdin — I love this movie because of the Genie. The relationship between Jasmine and Aladdin is meh. She forgot his face and didn't recognize him until later. Their coming together is a lot like that trope "first guy who treats her right sets the expectations and wins her heart". Usually that's a thing, not only in Disney movies but media in general. The female lead settles for the first guy that treats her right because the bar is that low. A good movie, all in all. Love how Jasmine stands up for herself at least. Not a lot of princesses fight against the objectification of women.

Pocahontas — I used to hate this movie. I didn't sit right with me: the racism in it, the manipulation, the murders. And the romance, yes. Pocahontas fell for the strange man who tickled her curiosity in the span of two days. I also hated how her father just sold her to marry Kocoum like that. I know it's tradition. Heck, that's a tradition that still goes on in my country. Maybe that's why I didn't like seeing it on screen. And Pocahontas doesn't even end up with John Smith. The second movie definitely ruined the story. So yes, she's the first princess who fell for a man in three days, TWICE. Needless to say, only the songs kept me from blacklisting the movie entirely.

The Little Mermaid — I actually loved this movie for some reason. I can't explain why, maybe it was my obsession with mermaids. Yeah, that was probably it. But I was pissed when Ariel exchanged her tail for legs. Not to mention human periods and overall, all the bad in the world, for a man she'd only seen once. As I grew up I realized just how f*cked up that story was: Ariel giving her entire lifestyle, family and identity up for a guy she hadn't even spoken to. I don't know why I loved that movie, alright? Hell I still do a little. The sequel too. Say what you want.

Brave — (I know this is technically Pixar, shut up) Much like the paradox with Ariel, I didn't like this movie. I can't explain it. Maybe because Merida wasn't the typical Disney princess I had been used to seeing. Now though, I ADORE that story. No, it's not because Merida knows archery... Okay, yes maybe a little. I love the aro-arrow word play, alright? Anyway, the way Merida fights against being shipped to a husband like the "tradition" I aforementioned asks her to, has always had my heart, even when I didn't like the movie. The focus on the mother-daughter relationship is special, I love it. Stellar movie.

Tangled — One of my favorite Disney movies, my favorite princess. But her relationship with Eugene.... Well. Again, three days. That's all it takes to fall in love. Classic of Disney. Not only that, but Eugene is literally the first man person Raps has ever since, besides Gothel. The bar is nonexistent for her, she would have fallen for anyone. He lied to her and she still... Well, I won't stress that any longer. Their relationship in the end is sweet, one of the few cases where we are actually shown that they would risk their lives to save each other. Respect that. Mostly, I love her magical hair and Pascal. And the guys of Snuggly Duckling.

Moana — EPIC MOVIE. The story, the culture, the character growth, the plot twist, everything! Loved it at first sight, at second and forever. Even more when I became aware that there's no romance in it. I don't think I need to say more.

Frozen — My opinions on this movie have always been changing, accompanied by mixed feelings. So the relationship between sisters was cute, but Lilo and Stitch made that more realistic. Anna's relationship with Hans, ugh. I think that for a long time I used the fact that he was the antagonist to justify my absolute hate for the way Anna "fell" for him in one evening. Again, Anna sweetheart. This is the first man you've met. The bar is nonexistent for you too. God bless Elsa for forbidding her to marry Hans. And while it's cute to think Elsa as a lesbian, she has aromantic vibes. Sorry not sorry, but she's also a God by the end of Frozen 2. Gods are beyond attraction, I said what I said.

Raya and the Last Dragon — Loved it, still do. Say what you will about "dragon Elsa". Sisu is her own character, and I adore her. And yes, I love the lack of romance in the movie. Make no mistake, I shipped Raya and Namaari from the first moment they smiled at each other. I swear on my name that I paused the movie and screamed, GAYYYY, at the top of my lungs. Luckily, I was home alone. If only Disney directors would do the right fcking thing and give me a queer main couple!! I swear I wouldn't mind the lovey-dovey romance one bit.

Of course, I've left dozens of movies out. This post is already way longer than I wanted it to be. But I think that was enough to make a point.

While I'm not romance-repulsed, seeing animated kisses (and unnecessary relationships) on screen makes me uncomfortable. As a child and as a grownup. It just doesn't sit right with me. Not to mention all these princesses who identify with their princes and specifically their relationships with said princes when they're perfect on their. Wreck it Ralph 2 made them a favor, I think, by making them work together and showing their strengths. Another movie I love.

Friendship just makes an overall better theme to apply to kids shows, my opinion. Family, work, self-discovery, mental health, happiness. These are all better themes to portray in media dedicated for children. Which is, again, my opinion.

And yes, Disney has been getting better. They've fixed the age difference and the age of consent. The female characters no longer depend on the male ones, at least not as often. They understand the assignment, alright. There are still many questionable things about Disney's reputation though, things we all choose to overlook for the sake of the good movies. But who knows? They might change. Hopefully soon we'll also have an obviously queer couple in a movie. Hope dies last.

[feelyourhearttakingroot]

The Reader's Guide to Avoiding Redfly (and how to have a good time doing it)

“How’re you doing, kid?” Tom murmured in your ear. Your skin hadn’t started crawling yet, but it definitely would soon.

“Redfly, leave the girl alone.” 

A third voice - the voice of God himself, if it meant that Tom would let you go. 

Summary: Your friend Dina is dating Benny Miller, and drags you along to one of his fights before a night at a bar. His friends meet you there - Tom ‘Redfly’ Davis, who is too busy trying it on with you to think about his wife; Santiago ‘Pope’ Garcia, who is a god made flesh; and Frankie ‘Catfish’ Morales, who agrees to help keep you out of Redfly’s clutches. But Frankie is not without his own charm...

Relationships: Frankie Morales x reader, side Santiago Garcia x Original Female Character, side Benny Miller x Original Female Character

Rating: First chapter is Mature, but it will be getting Explicit after that... 

Author’s note: I saw Triple Frontier last week for the first time and it has occupied my every waking thought since then. This is my first ‘x reader’ fic, so feedback is appreciated. Benny is my darling boy and I want to write him a loving af relationship even if it’s in the bg of this fic. I also don’t mean to step on toes but Redfly is the worst man and deserved to die a lot earlier than he did in the film. I am also obviously obsessed with Frankie Morales. Sorry if the formatting is fucked, this is the first fic I’ve posted directly to Tumblr in many’a.

Warnings: 18+ for frequent language, she/her pronouns, future smut but this chapter is just teasing.

Read on AO3.

Chapter One

The Fight

“The fight ends at 9pm, so we’ll be good to get to the bar by 9.30,” Dina said, leaning to within a hair's breadth of the bathroom mirror. Your arms twitched, hands opening and closing as you watched the safety pin come even closer to her eyeball.

“Dina, do you have to- the fight?”

“Yes, I need to separate my eyelashes, and yes, the fight.” She said, tongue peeping out between her lips. “Benny is fighting and he’s going to come with us to the bar afterwards.”

Your heart sank, just a little. Benny was a great guy, and you were happy for Dina, but it was always harder to get into bars when Benny ‘Brick Shithouse’ Miller rocked up with facial wounds and an ego after inevitably winning the fight. 

Apparently their post-fight sex was insane.

“So it’s you, me, and Benny?” you asked flatly, and she rolled her eyes in a way that made your hands clench into fists, with a vivid mental image of the pin sinking into her eyeball. She ignored you, of course, and started on the bottom lid.

“No, you prick,” she said, teasing each lash apart. She paused, and winked at you through the mirror “Ha. Prick! Get it? Sandy, Amy and Kelly are joining us - and Benny is bringing his friends.”

“William and Tom?” You were trying so hard not to be a downer, you really were, but you’d met William and Tom before and it was not a great experience. William - Benny’s brother - was aesthetically pleasing, and a lovely guy, but way too earnest about the purity of combat, while Tom was… a douche. A douche who clearly enjoyed his nights away from the wife a little too much. “Great.”

“Not just Will and Tom,” she chided, finally putting down the pin and fluttering her eyelashes at her reflection. “A few of his old squad guys are coming too.”

“OK then,” you said, and turned to leave.

“Where are you going?” Dina called.

“To get another drink.”

Based on the MMA prelude, you decided to rethink your outfit to something a bit less… showy, and had poured yourself into a skintight skirt with a shirt that helped accentuate your decolletage just right. So right, in fact, that you’d forgone a sensible coat in favour of a leather jacket that didn’t even close properly. The clothes did little to shield you from the cold, which explained why you had chugged nearly half a bottle of Smirnoff in the cab over. 

-----------------

Dina looked every inch the fighter’s girlfriend, she really did. You didn’t even know she owned a faux-fur coat. Her meticulously-separated eyelashes were currently fluttered together, shielding her eyes from her cigarette smoke. 

Not that it helped. Your buzz was fading fast with every second you stood out in the freezing cold parking lot.

Sandy hadn’t bothered to change her outfit - “Fuck it, it can’t be any dirtier than the bar.” - and was leaning against the arena wall wearing a mini dress that practically showed what she had eaten for breakfast. The woman had legs up to her neck, and more than one man had slowed his passage into the arena to get a good look. Sandy, with legs that long since she was fifteen, and a face that had been beautiful her whole life, flipped each one off with a casual laziness you could never hope to emulate. 

The three of you were standing outside the arena waiting for Tom and the others to arrive. The crowd was known to get rowdy, and Benny had been very firm with Dina about going in with his friends. William was already inside with Benny, prepping him for the fight.

It was so cold you were nearly tempted to ask Dina for a pull of her cigarette, just to feel some warm air, when -

“Dee!”

Your face locked into a grimace, and you looked down to kick a loose pebble from under your shoe, trying to regain control of your facial muscles by the time Tom got close.

“Tommy!” Dina yelled. “You’re late, what the hell?”

“Don’t blame me,” Tom said, “Blame these assholes.”

Two sets of denim-wrapped legs stepped into your view, and you huffed out a little sigh before looking up. Tom was standing in front of you, with his friend on his right. 

His friend. Who was the most gorgeous man you’d ever seen. He smiled at you, and you felt a small laugh escape you. 

What was that face? He looked like a Latino George Clooney. How did he get taken seriously in life?

“Hey, tiger,” Tom said to you, his lopsided smile showing a little too much teeth on one side.

“Hey… Tom.” you replied, raising a hand in greeting. He made a little ‘pfft’ sound and pulled you in for a hug, enveloping you in the smell of… dear god, was that Axe? 

You heard the crunch of gravel, and a movement out of the corner of your eye told you that the devilishly handsome man was currently introducing himself to Sandy. 

Probably wouldn’t have worked out with us anyway.

“How’re you doing, kid?” Tom murmured in your ear. Your skin hadn’t started crawling yet, but it definitely would soon.

“Redfly, leave the girl alone.” 

A third voice - the voice of God himself, if it meant that Tom would let you go. 

“This is my girl right here, Frankie.” Tom said, and the proprietary tone in his voice made your stomach turn. You should have just met them at the bar.

“Crazy, I thought your girl was sitting at home looking after your daughter and -” the second half of the sentence was in mumbled Spanish, and you heard a bark of laughter from the handsome man. A quick, rough pat on the back and Tom released you, already walking into the building as if nothing had happened.

The speaker was standing in front of you; a tall-ish man wearing a blue plaid shirt over a grey tank top, with a beat-up baseball cap on his head. Just as the phrase ‘hillbilly trucker’ crossed your mind, every thought in your head promptly vanished on looking up into his face. A pair of warm brown eyes were gazing down at you, creasing gently at the corners. He wasn’t built like Tom or William; they slanted more towards beefcake, where this guy was toned and slim. He was older than you - not a surprise, William and Tom were in at least their mid-40s - but it was a very manageable older. Unruly, curling brown hair peeked out from under his cap, and the man smiled, a shadow of a dimple appearing on his cheek.

The other guy was crazy good-looking in a movie-star way, the sort of hot that had made you laugh because it was almost unreal. This guy was the perfect side of handsome, mortal enough to take your breath away just a little and not make you feel stupid about it.

“Hey,” he said. “I’m Frankie.”

Maybe it was the dimples, maybe it was the fact that he had just saved you from a fate worse than death, or maybe the cold had finally gotten to your brain. Whatever it was, you barely knew what you were saying until you’d said it:

“And I am so fucking yours.”

So much for not feeling stupid. His smile widened, and your heartbeat quickened just a bit.

“Ignore Redfly,” he said. “He just doesn’t have good manners.”

Another burst of Spanish from behind you, from the dark-eyed Adonis near the door, and Frankie replied in kind, with an evocative hand gesture that you were pretty sure meant ‘fuck off’.

You finally turned to get a good look at the other man. He was standing in front of your friends, angled towards Sandy in a way that boded well for her. He was terribly good-looking.

“Hey, how’re you doing?” he leaned toward you, and took your hand in his. “Santiago Garcia.”

The man was on another level. You felt like you were meeting a politician. You told him your name as if in a dream. 

“That’s a beautiful name,” he said, looking into your soul, and you felt that laugh bubble up again. This was too much all at once.

Dina blew out one last plume of smoke, and threw her cigarette butt on the ground.

“Come on guys, it’s fucking freezing out here.”

----------------------------------------

The arena was chaos. Tom was nowhere to be seen, but he could have been standing two feet from you and you wouldn’t have seen him. He could have been behind you.

As the thought crossed your mind, a hand came to rest on your hip and you jumped sideways, ready to kick Tom in the fucki-

It was Frankie, hands suddenly up and visible, mouth framing a ‘whoa’ that you could never hear over the din of the crowd. You grimaced, mouthing sorry.

He gave you a tight-lipped smile, uncomfortable, and stuffed his hands in his pockets. He craned his neck to look over the crowd, toward the ring, and you stepped quickly toward him. Your hand raised, like you had the right answer in a classroom, and you tilted your mouth up towards Frankie’s ear. He scrunched his face and bent his head towards yours.

“Sorry,” you said into his ear, trying not to deafen him at this range. He smelled warm, and clean, a welcome respite from the arena’s smell of old beer and sweat. “I thought it might be…” one of your best friends, whom I loathe. “... a creep.” you finished lamely.

When you pulled away, he was looking at you so intently that a blush started to creep up your neck. Hands still in his pockets, he rocked back and forth on his heels as he processed what you said. His tongue worked in his mouth, pushing out his cheek, before he winked ever so slightly, and nodded.

He knew. He damn well knew.

Frankie grinned and pointed towards the ring, to where your friends had disappeared, before nudging you forward.

------------------------------------

Dina and the others were sitting ringside, by Benny’s corner. Dina had shrugged her coat in the sticky closeness of the arena, and was adjusting her top for maximum cleavage. Beside her was Sandy, deep in conversation with Santiago, and Tom sat beside Santiago next to an empty chair.

The single empty chair. 

Fucks sake.

Tom saw you both coming, and had a look of fake disappointment on his face that your hands twitched to slap off. He held his hands up in defeat, before patting his thigh. A quick scan showed that this wasn’t an uncommon occurrence in the arena; the place was jammed so tightly that you counted at least seven people on laps in this section alone. A fire hazard, and a pain in the ass. 

You’re fucking kidding me.

You went to take a step, and felt a hand grip your arm. Frankie was sliding past you on your right, pivoting to sit in the empty chair. A shit-eating grin slid onto Tom’s face, and he patted his thigh again.

You’re fucking kidding me. 

Frankie still held your arm loosely in his left hand. Reaching over Tom, he nudged Santiago, who broke off from his conversation long enough to pass him a beer. Settling back into his seat, Frankie spread his legs a little too wide and steered you into the space between them. 

He looked up at you under the brim of his cap, his face out of Tom’s eyeline. The corners of his mouth curved downward and one shoulder shrugged, as if to say ‘Why not?’.

Lightheaded, floating on a mental chant of fucking hell fucking hell fucking hell fucking hell, you perched on Frankie’s knee, your knees pressing against his other leg. A quick glance at Tom’s face nearly made you yelp. The ham-coloured man was staring sullenly out over the ring, lips pursed around his mouthful of beer. The smile was nowhere to be seen.

Frankie shifted slightly, and with one hand on your waist pulled you closer until you were sitting mid-thigh. When he was satisfied, his hand moved to settle against your lower back, keeping you upright. The shape of the seat had his body angled away from you, allowing you to sit upright without being nestled against him. He leaned towards Tom and said something in his ear, something you could barely hear over the din. It was as if he’d forgotten you were there.

But not quite. Slowly, as if you were a wild animal he was trying to tame, his hand started to move in gradual, broad strokes, forward and back, forward and back.

Your stomach muscles locking tight was your only visible reaction, and you thanked baby Jesus and all the angels in heaven that Frankie couldn’t feel the way your pulse had suddenly picked up. Though that might not be far off; there was a warm throbbing between your legs that definitely hadn’t been there two minutes ago.

Forward and back. Forward and back.

This was totally normal. This happened to you every day. Every day you met hot guys and sat on their laps. Every day you got mildly turned on by hot guys stroking your back.

Looking over at Dina, the two of you locked eyes. Her grin was positively wolfish.

Fuck off, you mouthed.

You looked around, hoping that the people-watching fodder available would help take your mind off the hot man you were sitting on and what his hand was - 

As if Frankie could hear your thoughts, the rhythm of his strokes changed. Now, instead of moving forward and back, his palm started sliding up and down, with every pass downward bringing his hand closer and closer to the curve of your ass.

For a fraction of a second, your breath caught in your throat, and the pulse between your legs kicked up a notch. Trying to keep your cool, you casually - so casually! - looked over at Frankie.

Still absorbed in conversation with Tom. Fine. He clearly had no idea what he was doing, no idea of the effect he was having.

Your awareness was steadily narrowing down to where his hand touched you, to the vague sensation of warmth that each pass left on your skin. Reaching the hem of your jacket, he paused almost imperceptibly, before reaching under the leather to rest on the back of your shirt.

Dear god, were you disappointed he wasn’t touching your ass? Were you actually sad that this stranger wasn’t - 

A radiating sensation on your back, so warm and firm, and suddenly you could feel every little movement his hand made, the way his fingers were flexing against your skin so gently - 

Air you didn’t realise you had been holding escaped your lungs in a whoosh. 

“Getting bored up there, tiger?” Tom’s expression wasn’t as friendly as it normally was, and you were reminded why all of this was happening. This was purely for Tom’s benefit. 

“No, it’s fine. It’s…” you looked down at Frankie as he took a sip of his beer. His eyes met yours over the rim of his beer cup, and a smile crept across your face. When the cup left his lips, you took it deftly from his fingers and lifted it to your mouth. Your gaze didn’t leave his. Tom may as well have been part of the furniture.

The beer was not good, but you finished it, and ran your tongue over your lips. Frankie’s eyes tracked the movement, and you felt his hand pause, felt his fingers splay wide across the small of your back.

“It’s great,” you said, winking down at him. ��But I think we need another drink.”

You placed a hand on his knee for leverage, and stood. Dina saluted you with her nearly-empty drink, and tapped at the low liquid level with one long fingernail. You nodded, and flashed the OK sign.

A broad chest blocked your view, and the smell of Axe surrounded you. You glanced up at Tom, who was shaking his own empty cup. 

“I’ll come too,” he said. “I could do with another-”

“It’s cool, man,” Frankie stood, easily slotting himself between the two of you, and gently but firmly took hold of your shoulders as he turned to the exit. “I got it.”

Empty cups and debris were strewn across the aisle, and you were beginning to regret wearing your heels for what was shaping up to be a fucking obstacle course. But you felt Frankie’s presence behind you, and if you put a little more sway into your walk than normal, so what?

Between a few stragglers at the bar, there was a gap just wide enough for the two of you to lean against the counter. You rested on your forearms, and flagged down the bartender.

------------------------------------

“Two beers, and a whiskey and coke.” 

“Make it four,” Frankie said. “I know it may not seem like it, but it is better to get Redfly liquored up. After about,” - his hand made a see-saw motion - “six drinks? He’s going to get real maudlin, start missing his wife, and go home.”

“Oh, yeah,” you replied, “He’s really missing his wife when he’s trying to put his hand up my skirt.”

His eyes flickered up and down your body, and he cleared his throat. One hand came up to scratch at his moustache, before smoothing it back down. 

“You know, I don’t blame him,” he said. “That skirt looks great on you.”

A low warmth pooled in your stomach, and you smiled. He smiled back, those beautiful eyes twinkling as he turned around to face the arena, elbows back on the bar.

“If I… go too far, in there,” he said, face suddenly serious. “You can just punch me in the face. I don't want to make you feel uncomfortable.”

The bartender laid your whiskey and coke down in front of you, and pulled out two cups for the beer. 

“Two more of those, please,” you told her, and took a sip of your drink. You knew you were a bit of a savage for drinking whiskey with coke, but your sweet tooth demanded nothing less. “Frankie, I’m not really OK with the idea of ‘being saved’.”

“That’s fair,” Frankie turned to the bar, and rapped a quick tattoo on the wood. “When we get back in there, you take the seat and I’ll -”

“But,” you raised a finger. “Your lap is pretty comfortable. And if you’re OK with having my ass on your knee all night, then I’m happy to stay there.”

A laugh escaped him, and you found yourself appreciating the way his moustache framed his lips so perfectly. 

“I think you’d be hard pushed to find a man who wouldn’t be OK with that deal.”

The bartender laid down four cups of beer. “$25.60.” 

Frankie laid out three $10 bills, and pulled the cups closer. 

“Do you think you could make sure Tom doesn’t put his hand up my skirt?”

He was intent on arranging the cups in a way he could carry them, to the point that you thought he hadn’t heard you. Just as you were about to repeat yourself, he flashed you a wicked look.

“Well sweetheart,” he smiled, “I’ll just have to get my hand there first.”

------------------------------------

As soon as you sat back down, it was like a switch had flipped. Your conversation at the bar had been light, to the point where you’d nearly forgotten that you’d actually been turned on a little at sitting on Frankie’s lap.

When you got back to your seats, and Frankie had handed off the beers he was carrying, he sat and pulled you down onto his lap in one fluid movement. No more tentative movements; he held your waist firmly, and pulled you even closer than before. And now, not only was his hand stroking your back again - he had put it under your jacket straight away - but his other arm was now resting on your leg. His beer cup sat on your knee, below where the hem of your skirt rode up, and he rotated it gently on your bare skin, almost teasing you with the cool feeling of the condensation on the base.

It drove you just a little short of wild. Though part of you wanted to shift against his thigh, wanted to feel some pressure right where an ache was steadily building between your legs, you kept it together fairly admirably. 

A wet patch on Frankies jeans probably wouldn't go down too well anyway.

A murmur from the crowd rolled towards the ring, and Pantera’s heavy guitar riff blasted through the speakers.

Benny was here.

------------------------------------

Ringside seats were… certainly something.

The smell of blood hummed in your nostrils, and you felt the impact of every punch. 

Benny was a monster. He had swaggered into the arena, head and shoulders above everyone, and proceeded to hammer the shit out of his opponent once the bell rang. Watching the way Dina was looking at him, you were very, very glad they were going back to Benny’s place tonight.

The six of you were standing at the ring edge, screaming and roaring with the crowd. Your blood was singing. Sitting on Frankie’s lap, his hands leaving trails of fire wherever they touched you, had rattled you something fierce, and the adrenaline from the fight was getting to you too. You didn’t think your pulse had slowed for about ten minutes, and you were breathing like you were climbing a mountain.

It was the last minute of the last round, and Benny was flagging. 

You guessed. You really had no idea who was doing better, both fighters were covered in blood and looked tired as fuck.

Santiago, Dina and Tom were rattling the cage, howling through the wire at Benny. The man was intent on his opponent, never taking his eyes off him. 

As you watched, Benny did an odd movement, stepping back, rotating his shoulders and head as his feet danced. You heard roars come from your friends, but were completely lost. 

“He’s about to kick the guy’s head off his fucking shoulders,” Frankie’s voice was low, and close. You felt his nose brush the outer shell of his ear, and you suppressed a shiver as his breath ghosted over you. He was standing behind you, so close that you felt his warmth up your body from ankle to neck. He reached over your shoulder, and pointed up at Benny’s right foot.

“You see that?” 

Benny’s foot was moving in a fan shape on the floor of the ring. He dodged as much as he needed to to evade blows, but whenever he was still his foot moved in that fan shape. 

“Why is he waiting?” Turning your head, your nose brushed against Frankie’s jawline. He smiled down at you.

“Not long now, sweetheart,” he said. “Watch.”

He stepped closer until he stood flush against your back, and crossed his arms over your chest to grip his own elbows. His beard brushed against your cheekbone, and you found yourself nestling further into his hold. He was just so warm and solid and - 

Benny moved like lightning. His opponent came too close, ever so slightly unguarded, and Benny pivoted on his left foot and -

“Fuck!” you screamed. Benny’s opponent hit the floor, and the arena erupted.

===> Chapter Two

[ithinkhesgaybutwesavedmufasa]

Footprints in the Sand

Part 3: Less

Summary/Author’s note: We’re getting there I promise. I’m trying not to rush it because I know when I read a slow burn it is so much more satisfying but they are so hard to write because goddammit y’all are in love we know it, just bone. I can also post the Lannister family tree if that helps you guys see the reader’s relation, I did the research to figure out where they fit and…whew boy. That tree has a lot of branches. Enjoy.

Pairing: Oberyn x Ellaria x Reader Word Count: 3k Rating/Warnings: R/18+ Language, Mentions of implied/wrongly accused rape.

(Parts) (1)(2)   [MASTERLIST]

Sleep had been impossible. You tossed and turned with thoughts of the Prince and his Paramour and the proposal they had laid at your feet. The smart thing to do would be to weigh your options–compare the idea of leaving behind everything you’ve ever known, or jumping head first off a cliff into a new adventure. Instead, what you had done all night was lay in bed and think of Ellaria’s mouth on yours. You shut your eyes tightly and rolled over burying your face in the pillow. 

It wasn’t like you had never thought about another woman in the way you had spent the entire night thinking about Ellaria Sand. Since you were a young girl the idea of kissing another girl had made your heart flutter beneath your breast. Women were beautiful in the same way you found men to be–it seemed a pretty straightforward concept. But to the world around you, thoughts like these made you feel ostracized, so you did what you thought was best and shoved them down into a dark part of your subconscious willing them to just disappear. One kiss from Ellaria though, had undone all of your careful repressive work and brought those feelings running to the surface like a siren breaking through the waters of the sea. 

You groaned and smacked the pillow before sitting up in bed and shoving the hair from your eyes. Sleep wasn’t coming and the birds were already starting to stir outside the window of your bedchambers. You tied your hair back out of your eyes in a ribbon and pulled an old robe out of your trunk, slipping it around your shoulders. You touched the necklace that dangled between your breasts and took a deep breath before walking out into the hall.

The kitchen was already bustling with a few of the maids as they started to get breakfast ready for the guests of the castle. Fresh baked bread with freshly churned butter and clover honey sat on the table next to a plate of ham. You said good morning to one of the other ladies and sat down going straight for the fragrant bread and spreads.

“Good morning, (y/n).” One of the maids said as she sat a cup down in front of you. “Your uncle has already gone for a meeting with the other Lannisters. He didn’t want to wake you.”

You nodded but didn’t try to talk over your mouth full of food. It wasn’t like his daily agenda meant much to you, if he needed your help at the market he would have taken the time to wake you.

“He did ask if there was something you wanted to tell him?” She put her hands on her wide hips and raised a gray eyebrow. 

“What?” You ask, swallowing rather hard.

“I’m guessing it has something to do with your new suitor!” She gestured over towards the window with a large, motherly smile on her face. 

You follow her gaze and are glad you no longer had a mouth full of bread because you would have choked. In the window, already starting to turn towards the early morning sunrise, was a large ornate vase. The vase was filled with large orange and yellow tiger lilies, similar in color to the dress Ellaria had worn the day before–or colors that represented house Martell. You put down your breakfast and shoved the chair away from the table, quickly getting up to inspect them. 

“Shit,” you breathed without thinking. 

“Someone fancies you, dear,” the maid continued to smile as she laid down more dishes and silverware. 

You were only half listening as a folded piece of paper caught your eye. In swirling script it simply read:

‘A conventional life is a boring life. – O & E’

You quickly stuffed the note in the pocket of your robe and picked up the vase, turning towards the stairs.

“Surely you’re not finished. You’ve barely touched your food.” The maid called after you as you started the climb back to your room.

“I’m not hungry. If he asks, tell my Uncle I’ll be home late.” You said over your shoulder as you slammed the door behind you. After setting the vase on your nightstand, you pulled the note out of your pocket and read it over again before getting dressed quickly.

–

By the time you were dressed and halfway to the brothel, the city was awake and thriving. Shops were open and people were milling about procuring items that they would need for the upcoming days. A light mist had fallen over most of the city and it was as if the sky could not decide if it wanted to rain or not. You rubbed your arms in your short-sleeved dress, missing the shawl that you were now certain you left in Oberyn’s Chambers in your haste to leave the day before. 

The door to the brothel was locked when you tried to turn the handle, you hadn’t thought about it possibly being closed. When did brothels start doing daily business? Unsure of what else to do, you knocked timidly.

A robed woman, you would have bet money was wearing nothing underneath, answered the door, leaning on the archway. “Can I help you, sweet one?” She said, practically purring.

“I’m here to see Prince Oberyn,” you tried. “He’s–he’s expecting me.” It was only a half lie. 

She looked down your body slow enough to make you want to turn away but then she nodded her head to gesture inside. “Upstairs.” She moved to the side to allow you to pass. 

The door shut behind you and you headed for the stairs. The place was much quieter than it had been the day before, as most of its patrons were probably still in bed or just beginning to take breakfast. The thought made you pause outside the bedchamber you knew belonged to the prince. We’re they even awake? Fuck. You leaned your forehead against the wood of the door contemplating turning around and walking back to the castle. But something inside you said otherwise and before you lost what little courage you had, you knocked on the door.

“Enter,” a familiar, deep voice said and you did.

Oberyn was sitting up against the headboard, a book balanced in one hand, while the other stroked Ellaria’s dark hair as she slept on his bare chest. He peered over the book as you leaned against the door to close it behind you.

“(Y/n),” he said, unable to keep the surprise out of his voice as he put the book down. As he moved to sit up, Ellaria opened her eyes. She sat up with a look of shock equal to that of the prince, the movement causing the sheet to slip, revealing her naked breast.

“I’m sorry,” you started to look away but stopped yourself, remembering their lessons from the day before. “I don’t know why I’m here.”

They stayed quiet, as if worried whatever they said would scare you off. Taking a few steps towards the bed, you continued.

“I don’t know why I’m here or what I want.” You hugged your own arms as if trying to protect yourself from the raw feelings you were voicing. “But I know that you’re right. I can’t stay in King’s Landing. I can’t go back to Casterly Rock. I can’t be a merchant.” You took a deep breath and closed your eyes tightly forcing yourself to be honest. “No one has ever asked me what I want. Not until yesterday. Not until you.” You opened your eyes and looked at Ellaria. “I’m not saying yes to going to Dorne. But–I’m not saying no." 

You looked between them both as you focused on the simple act of breathing normally. Here you stood, talking too much and looking like a ridiculous little girl. Surely they would rescind their offer now. Surely they would regret pursuing you like this after such an embarrassing outburst, but all they did was share a knowing smile before looking back to you.

“Say something, please.” You sighed and put a hand to your face, pinching the bridge of your nose.

"Did you get our gift?” Oberyn asked, simply.

You blinked slowly before nodding. “Y-yes. They’re lovely." 

“They reminded us of you,” Ellaria said, grinning as she laid her head back on Oberyn’s chest. 

“Stop,” you shook your head, feeling the heat rise to your face again, but you couldn’t help the smile that broke through your face. 

Oberyn turned his head and pressed his lips to Ellaria’s hairline before sitting up. "I’ll have someone bring us up some breakfast.” As he threw his dark blue shawl around his shoulders from the day before, you were left alone with the woman you had spent the whole night dreaming about. 

—

“So, I threw my dagger and pinned his hand to the wall.” Oberyn picked up a strawberry from the platter on the table and popped it into his mouth before, putting his hand against the wall like he was stuck to it.

“You didn’t,” you shook your head, smiling as Oberyn stood in front of you and Ellaria miming the perfect throw of a knife. He had been telling stories for the better part of the morning and you had been enjoying them immensely. He had a knack for it and an energy that made even the simplest of tales interesting.

“I absolutely did.” He insisted. “And it was even more impressive because he was a small man, with very small hands.” He waggled his large hand in the air as if to demonstrate.

“And you know what they say about small hands?” Ellaria said, finishing her wine and slinking off the couch towards the prince. 

“What do they say about small hands?” You said, knowing perfectly well what the old adage was but wanting to hear her say it. 

“Small hands means a small cock, my dear. So tell me,” she held up Oberyn’s hand and pressed hers to it, so they were palm to palm. His hand absolutely swallowed hers. “What does that say about our dear Prince’s hands?” She grinned and you blushed, looking back into your glass of wine.

“I’m sorry,” you mumbled into your cup not knowing what else to say.

Oberyn started to lean down to capture Ellaria’s lips but she pulled away to keep her eyes on you. “By the gods, what are you sorry for?”

“It was forward of me, to–” you swallowed hard and forced yourself to meet her gaze. “To discuss such things.”

“Discuss what? The Prince’s cock?” she let the hard sound at the end of the word echo slightly in the back of her throat for emphasis. Oberyn smirked and intertwined his fingers with his paramour’s for a moment as he looked at you.

You shook your head and broke their gaze once again. Why was she doing this? Was it her personal goal to make you slide off of the couch into a puddle on the floor? Did you care?

Ellaria let go of Oberyn’s hand and grinned. “You are a sweet one.” She walked back over to the fainting couch the two of you were sharing and pulled her legs under her as she sat. “When you’re with us, you apologize to no one." 

“But why?” you asked.

“Life is too short to feel ashamed about one of the greatest pleasures in it.” She tucked your hair behind your ear and continued, “Oberyn’s talked all morning. It’s your turn.” 

“Me?” 

“Excellent idea,” Oberyn said, kicking his feet up on the table and refilling his cup. 

“But you already know so much about me,” you joked, remembering the information that Oberyn paid for.

“I don’t want to know things that are common knowledge,” Oberyn said. “We want the good parts.”

“I’m afraid none of it is very good.” You said, suddenly feeling self-conscious about your less than exciting life thus far. 

“We’ll start easy,” Ellaria shared a nod with Oberyn. “Have you ever been with a man before?”

You choked into your goblet, feeling your eyes water as some of the wine went into your nose. Oberyn grinned so wide it was as if he were a child on his name day. He stroked his beard and kept his eyes on you as you cleared your throat and looked at Ellaria.

“That’s an easy question?”

“Of course,” she nodded. “The answer is a simple ‘yes’ or ‘no’. See? Easy.”

You looked at her with wide eyes but still smiled at her seemingly natural charm. “Fine. Yes.” Oberyn pulled his feet down off the table and leaned forward on his chair.

“Yes?” he asked, unable to mask his surprise…or perhaps it was delight. 

“Yes,” you repeated. “It was a long time ago.”

“Well, that much is obvious.” Ellaria interrupted. 

“You’re making fun of me,” you said and she put a hand to her chest in mock surprise.

“Of course I’m not,” she said, and looked at Oberyn. “Would I do such a thing?”

“Do not make me answer that,” he said smartly and looked back at you. “Continue, (y/n).”

You took a deep breath and set your cup on the table in favor of wringing your hands in your lap and not meeting either of their gaze. “It was a childhood infatuation. A stupid fantasy really.” You started and when neither one of them interrupted you, you continued. “My uncle didn’t think it was a good match–below the Lannister name.” 

“But you didn’t think that,” Ellaria said, not as a question but more of a statement. 

“No,” you shook her head. “He was kind. He listened to me. That alone was more important than his house.”

"Who was your father?” Oberyn raised an eyebrow and you rubbed your forehead. 

“My father and Uncle are Joanna’s brothers.”

“Tywin’s deceased wife?”

“Yes. It gets messy when everyone seems to forget that Tywin is Joanna’s second cousin.” You felt embarrassed laying the family tree on the table, but everyone knew the Lannister obsession with keeping everything within the family.

“So, that make’s Tywin–” Ellaria prompted.

“Another uncle, by marriage?” You shook your head and looked exasperated. “I would need to draw it out.”

“What happened to your love from the Rock?” Oberyn asked, changing the subject.

“Right. I was young, and stupid, and we thought we were much sneakier than we actually were.” You swallowed hard and tried to keep your voice from wavering. “We went out to the woods for a midday–” you waved your hand in the air, fumbling for a word to use.

“Fuck,” Ellaria prompted.

“Yes, thank you–” you continued. “And my Uncle had someone follow us. And, on the advice of the almighty Tywin Lannister, had him arrested for rape.” You blinked rapidly and looked upwards refusing to let something you had worked so hard on repressing, surface in front of them. “The charges were dropped of course because it wasn’t true–but the embarrassment was enough to make him run for the hills.” You picked up your glass and took a rather large drink. “Because everyone knows when you fuck a Lannister, you fuck the whole family apparently–and no one wants to do that.” Your tone was bitter, but you couldn’t help it as you ran the cup in between your palms, feeling the weight of their gaze on you. 

“It’s not your fault,” Ellaria said simply, moving to sit closer to you. 

“I know that,” you said, still looking down at your glass.

“Do you?” she asked, raising an eyebrow and putting her finger under your chin to make you look at her. 

Your eyes were burning with unshed tears but you stubbornly swallowed them along with the lump in your throat. “Then whose fault is it?”

“Tywin Lannister’s,” Oberyn said firmly, his tone containing a sharp bite. 

“And your Uncle’s,” Ellaria nodded. 

“Well,” you just shrugged lightly in agreement with them, not knowing what else to say. “Not only am I damaged goods–I’m damaged goods with a terrifying family.”

Oberyn got up, pushing his chair back so abruptly it scraped against the wooden floor, making you and Ellaria jump. He moved to the window of the room and leaned against it, looking out at the people below in silent thought. His shoulders moved slowly with a few deep breaths before he finally spoke, turning to look back at you, “The Lannister’s are not terrifying. They are not gods looking down on us from Casterly Rock–they bleed just like all other men.” 

“Oberyn,” Ellaria said carefully.

He moved across the room and knelt down in front of you on one knee. “And you, my lioness,” he took your hand gently, giving you an opportunity to pull away if you wanted to. You didn’t. “Are not damaged goods,” he mumbled the words against your knuckles as he pressed his lips to your hand and gave you a small squeeze. 

Ellaria balanced her chin in her hand and watched the two of you with a small smile. The gesture was so tender coming from a man you had heard so many stories about–and only just met for yourself the day before. It made your chest tight. It made your heart beat a little faster and see such an imposing figure in a new light. 

“Your lioness?” you said, biting your lip and moving the topic to something lighter. You squeezed his hand and rubbed the pad of your thumb over his large fingers. 

Oberyn froze, realizing that you heard exactly what he had said and chuckled. “My apologies.”

“Don’t apologize.” “Don’t apologize.” 

Both you and Ellaria said the same thing at the same time and looked at each other before falling into a fit of laughter. Oberyn let go of your hand and rolled his eyes, standing up and moving back to his chair. “What have I gotten myself into?” he asked no one in particular as you and Ellaria continued to giggle. 

It felt good to laugh. It felt good to talk to people who seemed interested in what you had to say and think. You felt as if a weight had been taken from your shoulders now that someone other than those responsible knew of the injustice of your past. It didn’t make it right. It didn’t make it better. It just made it…less. 

--

[Next Chapter]

Taglist:  @zeldadayer @halefirewarrior @earthtokace @tarrevizslas @1-800-fandomtrashqueen @readsalot73 @lackofhonor @shrew1999

[afinepricklypear]

Confessions & Deleted Scenes

I get a lot of anxiety when it comes to comments on my writing. When a story of mine starts to garner a lot of attention, replying to readers and continuing the work, becomes increasingly difficult. Maybe it’s a touch of Imposter Syndrome, but I get stage fright. Yet, if I got no comments, or I saw no increase in comments, I couldn’t continue either. It’s this strange “damned-if-you-do, damned-if-you-don’t” struggle. I used to get around it by starting new fanfiction accounts and starting over, rebuilding an audience in a new fandom, but I don’t want to do that anymore. I don’t want to run from my stories. But. I’m in that mental place right now, even looking at comments and trying to muster the werewithal to reply makes me sick to my stomach and want to break down. I can’t breathe and I start crying, the thoughts in my head: I’m not this person, I didn’t write this thing that you liked so much, it’s trash, it’s all trash, and if I did, it was a fluke, and I can’t recreate it. Then the paranoia sets in: the readers are leaving, they see that I can’t do this, they hate me, they hate my work, I knew all along it wasn’t good enough.

Ah. Well. I’m working on it. I want to move past this and feel confident and continue with the stories in my head without the fear that no one will like it or they’ll like it too much so that eventually I’ll disappoint them. The words are there, I just can’t get them on to paper right now in a way that is satisfactory. So I’ll try and I’ll fail and I’ll try and I’ll fail.

In the meantime, while I get my shit together, here’s the original chapter 1 from my first attempt at writing “Wake Up” for my BSD fanfiction series Release (posted here on AO3). I haven’t read it since I retconned it, so it’s not edited. I wonder if anyone will find this here.

*Chapter*

A cold gray frost coated the windows of every building along the dusky alleyway. Chuuya leaned back against a building’s brick wall, crouched low to the ground, head tipped to one side, and a heavy gray, linen coat draped over his shoulders. He tried not to think about the lingering scent of urine on the air, or the fact his thin shirt and jeans provided little protection from the severe drop in temperature that evening. The hair on his arms and back of neck prickled on end, his ability, For the Tainted Sorrow, was desperate to unleash and wreak havoc on the cityscape around them. But like the day before, and the day before that, and the day before that, he wouldn’t be using his ability that night.  

A week had passed since Chuuya was forced to join the Armed Detective Agency after his violent departure from the Port Mafia. The injuries he sustained from leaving the organization he’d called home for seven years, and the incident leading up to it out in Hiratsuka, were little more than dull aches and scars, now, thanks in part to the Agency doctor and her healing ability, but the memories lingered like bad dreams. He kept waking in the middle of the night, lost and disoriented, in a vaguely familiar bedroll that his instincts rejected as ‘home’. It was only Dazai’s slumbering embrace, unconsciously blanketing Chuuya with No Longer Human that kept Chuuya from doing damage to his surroundings on instinct with For the Tainted Sorrow.

On top of that, he was still adjusting to his change in employment, still settling into his decision and the concept that it could be right for him, even beneficial, to work with the Agency of detectives he’d called enemy a month ago, and even tried to kill on more than one occasion. Those facts, of course, were the reasoning behind the strict conditions of his joining the Agency, which included a moratorium on his ability use without ‘permission’ from the Boss, Agency President Fukuzawa, and a zero-tolerance policy of No-Killing, No-Torturing. To say sticking to these conditions proved difficult was an understatement but Chuuya was nothing if not willing to rise to any challenge. Even despite Dazai’s constant efforts to rile him up at the office, or Kunikida breathing down his neck, eager for him slip up so they could oust him like the Port Mafia. Every day he felt like a caged tiger, gawked at by zoo patrons, while pacing his confines, flexing his claws and unable to do anything with them.

Luckily, and speaking of caged tigers, Chuuya’s week with the Agency had been spent shadowing his new “mentor” in the Agency, Atsushi. He worked alongside the boy and the boy’s partner, another newcomer to the Agency from the Port Mafia, Kyouka. They were the greenest detectives in the Agency, so while the rest of the detectives took on any higher priority cases that walked through the door, Atsushi and his mentees were tasked with handling all of the smaller, more tedious, and lower risk ones. That night they were following up on a serial burglary case in a prominent neighborhood following a lead given to them by the Agency’s resident smug bastard detective, Ranpo. After hitting multiple dead-ends on their case all week, Atsushi finally took their case file to the “best detective in the world” and appealed to him with a box of candy to use his “Ultimate Deduction”. He recommended they stake out a particular convenience store in the targeted neighborhood that night – odd, because all of the burglaries had been at residences – and he warned that they were dealing with an ability user.

“As if we hadn’t already figured out we were dealing with an ability user,” Chuuya muttered under his breath. He hadn’t been impressed with Ranpo’s display. There had been no signs of a break-in, no forced entry, just items missing. The only clue was uncovered at one of the victimized houses, the back portion of a shoeprint cut in half by the house’s exterior wall. Chuuya shuddered again from a wintery breeze nipping at any exposed bit of his skin. He knew he should’ve brought a scarf, but he’d been too preoccupied about ensuring Dazai was properly packed and prepared for an overnight in Hiratsuka. Chuuya couldn’t decide if the other man was really so terrible at taking care of himself, or if he just got a kick out of Chuuya doting over him. Years of ‘hating’ one another had taught Chuuya the latter was more likely.

For the most part, the Agency was in limbo regarding their most recent case out in Hiratsuka that had revealed there was a mysterious organization kidnapping ability users for experimentation and using them to manufacture replica abilities. It was the kind of discovery that, according to everyone at the Agency, despite Chuuya’s skepticism, needed to be handed up the ladder to government officials for them to determine the next plans of action. Meanwhile, Dazai and his partner, Kunikida, were tasked with gathering any and all evidence left behind in Hiratsuka, as well as, maintaining relations with the leader of Hiratsuka’s syndicate, Lady Murasaki, who had hired Dazai to investigate the disappaereance of one of her employees, Fujiawra Sadaei, before the conspiracy was exposed.

It was Dazai who uncovered the entire plot, only to go missing himself, but not before setting up a series of cryptic messages to be sent to Chuuya. Chuuya had been ordered to ignore the messages and delete them from his phone, but he couldn’t turn his back on his former partner, and onetime Port Mafia traitor, regardless of the fact they’d spent the months prior sneaking off to play house together at a small house out in crater city, Suribachi. The decision, and a stack of intimate photographs from that Suribachi house that had been delivered unbeknownst to Chuuya to his former Boss, Mori Oogai, were the toppled pai gow pieces that led to his own fall from grace in the Port Mafia. He still didn’t know where the photographs had come from, but he narrowly escaped their fallout with his life.

Chuuya spotted Kyouka across the street at a park, sitting in a swing and fiddling with the phone she constantly wore around her neck. For all intents and purposes, she looked like a young, middle school aged girl, that was enjoying her winter break. Atsushi, Chuuya knew, was on the other side of the building keeping watch towards the backside. They all wore headpieces to keep in contact with one another.

“Was it supposed to be this cold tonight?” Atsushi’s voice crackled through the headset.

Chuuya frowned, letting his breath out in a puff of steam. He heard a crackle and pop from the metal dumpster beside him and, glancing to it, realized with a start that he could see the frost crystals growing, “I don’t think it’s ever supposed to be this cold, kid. Looks like an ice ability, user’s got to be nearby.”

“There’s movement,” Kyouka’s voice was soft, almost inaudible as a whip of wind roared from nowhere, but firm, “Above you. Third floor window.”

“I can walk up there, no problem,” Chuuya offered, itching for the excuse to defy gravity.

“No,” Atsushi quickly and sharply replied. Chuuya could feel the boy wince at the severity of his own reply through the headset, “I mean…what I mean is…I’ll go, Mr. Nakahara. You and Kyouka stay put, continue watching, in case anyone else shows up.”

Chuuya bit back his frustration, he knew Atsushi was only worried about him, as he said between grit teeth, “Fine. You’re in charge, kid.”

On the other side of the building, Atsushi activated his ability, Beast Under the Moonlight, partially transforming into a mystical white tiger form. He climbed up the wall in a few short jumps, and rounded the corner to investigate the movement Kyouka had seen. Chuuya tucked his gloved hands under his arms, his fingertips aching from the growing chill in the air around him. He stalked towards the back of the building to take up Atsushi’s post. After a couple minutes, Chuuya tapped his foot impatiently.

“You see anything interesting, kid?” he asked.

Silence.

“Atsushi? What’s going on up there?”

Still silence.

“Kyouka, you got eyes on Atsushi?” Chuuya said, pulling away from the backside of the building and hurrying back towards the front, spotting the little girl in her position at the park, dull gaze now fixed skyward, cell phone dangling from its chain around her neck.

“Yes,” she answered, her typical monotone trembling slightly, “He’s at the window. He hasn’t moved for many seconds.”

The sound of several gunshots erupted through the night, and before the ring of their report could finish, Chuuya was sprinting up the fire escape. One quick, last glance to the park to note Kyouka was gone from her post, as well, and without thought to his agreement in joining the Agency, Chuuya used his ability to lift the third-floor window, diving through its entry and rolling to his feet in a light fighting stance, hands loose at his side and senses on high alert. The hallway he’d landed in was empty and somehow cooler than outside, it felt like an ice box. Somewhere inside was the sound of soft sobs. He started forward through the dark apartment and nearly slipped backwards to the ground, catching himself on the wall and a hallway table, the framed pictures atop it quacking and falling over. He winced, but the sobbing didn’t stop, his carelessness hadn’t been heard. Breathing a sigh, his eyes dropped downward to find the wood floorboards were coated in permafrost.  

Delicately, Chuuya righted himself and took small, deliberate steps to slide with some semblance of control along the hall. He passed by dark, empty rooms towards a luminescent glow ahead in what, Chuuya assumed, would be the kitchen. He sidled up next to the entryway, listened for a moment. The sobbing, he surmised, was a woman. There were no other noises. He frowned, reached for the knife he kept strapped at his thigh and held it low against his side, out of sight but ready if he needed it. He stepped into the kitchen.

On the floor, there was a woman kneeling in a tattered gray bathrobe, a gun on the ground beside her. There was splintered wood around shallow bullet holes in the wall on the far side of the room where her gunshots had hit. Chuuya’s breath caught. Outside of the window was Atsushi, his skin pale and lips turning blue. His eyes were moving but the expression behind them was dull, as though staring through a fog, and, every so often, his breath steamed the window in wet puffs.

The floorboard creaked under Chuuya’s weight and the woman reached for her gun, spinning around to point the barrel at Chuuya. Her crisp green eyes were wide, her short, chestnut colored hair falling in greasy, uneven dregs around her tear-stained face. From the corner of his eye, he could see Kyouka’s demon ability hovering beside Atsushi outside, its hand on the ethereal sword at its hip.

“Whoa, let’s be reasonable about this, lady,” Chuuya said, loud enough for Kyouka to hear from wherever she was hiding, undoubtedly nearby. He slipped the knife back into its sheath and put his hands up in as unthreatening a manner as he could, his mind turning possible outcomes from this encounter around in his mind. Every ounce of his body and heart was screaming to kill her swiftly, but then there was the niggling voice in the back of his head, that sounded not unlike Kunikida, whispering, when you slip up…

“I…I didn’t mean to…” the woman cried, whimpering, more, fresh tears forming, turning to droplets of ice on her cheeks, “It wasn’t my fault…I swear…it wasn’t…I had no idea what he was…I had no idea. Please…”

“It’s okay,” Chuuya told her, having no idea what she was ranting about, he assured her, “I know you had nothing to do with it. Not your fault, right? We all make mistakes, put our trust in people that turn around and betray us. You’re just a victim in all of this, huh? Why don’t you put the gun down, Lady Winter, and unfreeze my friend outside, and we can talk about this like civilized people, alright?”

The woman glanced over her shoulder at Atsushi outside, spotted the Demon before it could duck out of sight, and her eyes widened with panic. She yelped, half-crab walking towards the far wall, stumbling to her feet and dropping the pin of the gun, she pointed it back and forth between the window and Chuuya, her hands visibly shaking, unable to hold the gun straight. At that rate, she was more likely to miss than hit if she fired off a shot. Chuuya sighed, and placed his hands in his pockets. He was not cut out for this negotiation crap.

“We’re not here to hurt you,” he said, “We would’ve done it already if we were.”

That made her hesitate. Her eyes flickered from him to the window.

“Why are you here, then?” she demanded.

“Still trying to figure that one out,” Chuuya admitted with a shrug, he glanced at the wall behind her, those bullet holes and furrowed his brow, darting a look back at Atsushi, “Maybe you could start by telling us who you were shooting at.”

“No-no way,” the woman whispered, jabbing the gun at Chuuya, “You tell me who you are first, I’m not just going to confess my life story to some stranger that broke into my home.”

Chuuya smirked, tilting his head to one side, “Fair enough. We’re detectives, investigating the burglaries from that nearby housing community. Someone told us this would be a good lead for solving the case. I’ve got an idea who you are too. You own the convenience store downstairs, nice set-up, only store like it in this city block. I bet you know everyone in this neighborhood. Which house they live in, where they work, what kind of money they make, how many people they’ve got living with them, and what everyone’s schedule is.”

Another trickle of tears that froze halfway down the woman’s face and peeled off like crystalline beads.

“You and a friend get the idea that you could make a little extra cash, on the side. So, you start putting that information to good use. It’s gone good for a while now, but one of you got greedy…or maybe cold-feet, thought the other was going to talk. My friend shows up peeking in the window and it looks like betrayal. Shots are fired and your friend took off,” Chuuya said, “How’d I do?”

“Burglaries…?” the woman faltered, shaking her head, a look of puzzlement crossing her features, “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“No?” Chuuya scowled, “Everything made sense though…”

Admittedly, there were still missing pieces to the puzzle. There was no sign of break-in, so he assumed her partner had the ability that got them into the houses undetected. The question of where the stuff was could likely be answered by a thorough search downstairs. Still, where was the partner, why had she been firing off a gun, and what had she been blathering on about when he got there…something about not being her fault and some mysterious ‘he’ – likely the partner, but what didn’t she know about him? Was he working another angle behind her back? As if on cue, a flicker of movement caught Chuuya’s eye, a man stepping through the wall behind the woman, a glinting chef’s knife in hand, poised to stab the unsuspecting woman in the back.

“Hey, watch out,” Chuuya shouted, moving before the words had left his mouth.

The woman, stunned by his sudden lunge at her, fired off a couple shots that Chuuya deflected easily. The man with the knife grabbed the woman, she screamed, Chuuya’s hand brushed the man’s forearm as the blade began to bite into her backside, and Chuuya sent the man flying back towards the wall. He passed harmlessly through. Chuuya pulled the woman behind him, darted looks around the kitchen, jaw set and muscles tense, searching for movement.

“Oh god! He’s going to kill us. You can’t do anything against him. You can’t, he’s too powerful,” the woman blubbered.

“Lady, we just met. Seems too early for you to make that call, don’t you think?” Chuuya felt the ground give out beneath him, and he dropped his gaze to find his foot sinking through the floor, “What the hell?” He darted an anxious look to the woman, barking out commands rapid-fire, “Unfreeze my friend. Find the little girl. Get out of here with them.”

He felt a pinch at his calf, he was starting to solidify in the floor. He sent out a shudder of energy and the ground gave out under him in a hailstorm of plaster and wooden splinters. He picked himself up from the wreckage, coughing and dusting away the debris, finding the startled man standing across from him.

“Dammit, that’s twice now you’ve made me use my ability. I’m on parole,” Chuuya yelled, rushing at the momentarily stunned man and swinging a roundhouse to his head. Chuuya’s leg passed right through, but he didn’t let it slow him down, swinging and thrusting kicks and punches with deadly precision, all of which would have landed if the man wasn’t a fucking ghost. Chuuya fell back, trying to hide that he was a bit out of breath.

“My turn,” the man grinned and began his own assault. When Chuuya raised a block, the man’s strikes passed through unhindered only to solidify and land their hit. He cut across Chuuya’s cheek, jabbed into his side, and blasted him back with a kick to the chest that Chuuya caught himself on with For the Tainted Sorrow. He spit blood and fixed his stance.

“So, you’re the thief, huh? Why do you want the woman dead?” Chuuya said.

“What business is that of yours? You can die with her if you’d like, though,” the man threw a cross jab and, as predicted, his hand passed through Chuuya’s block, but the second it was close enough to Chuuya’s face, the man was dropped to the floor with an increased density. The man used his own ability, and passed through the floor. Chuuya stumbled around as the man reappeared behind him and shot out a fist into his stomach. Chuuya stared down in surprise, puzzled at what the point was, the man’s entire arm was sticking through Chuuya.

“Do you know what happens when an incorporeal object becomes corporeal inside of you?” the man taunted.

Chuuya’s eyes widened, using his ability to propel himself backwards at a breakneck pace, feeling a growing tug as he flew away from the man. He stumbled rather than landed gracefully back against the far wall, gasping in pain, and grasping at his stomach, fingers brushing along a hand sized hole in his shirt, underneath the flesh was damp and jagged. He dropped to his knees and coughed out a thick wad of blood. His eyes blurred, and he shuddered, feeling like he might vomit. There was a crunch of debris under foot as the man approached. Chuuya steeled himself, his thoughts tumbling towards a singular decision: if he was going down here, he’d take the man with him. When the man became solid, Chuuya would crush him to a bloody pulp.

On his way across the room the man swept up a broken pipe from the wreckage, whistling dramatically some off-key tune.

“Where should I put this, I wonder?” the man mused, tapping the pipe in his hand, then pointing it to Chuuya’s forehead, covered in a thin film of sweat, “Your brain?” He lowered it to point at Chuuya’s jugular, “Your throat?” The man’s lip curled up into a sinister grin, as he hovered the pipe in front of Chuuya’s chest, “Your heart.”

“Do it,” Chuuya bit out, “You die with me.”

The man’s pupils dilated with his murderous intent, and he drove the pipe towards Chuuya…only to find resistance. The man frowned, desperately pushing the pipe at Chuuya’s chest but the pipe remained solid, refusing to pass through. Chuuya perked a brow up at the man, and the man scowled, swatting distractedly at something brushing the back of his neck.

“Oy, careful now. I almost lost contact,” a familiar voice chirped in mock cheer, the finger that had been gingerly touching the man’s neck giving way to a bandaged palm wrapping firmly under the man’s chin. Dazai’s face appeared peeking over the man’s shoulder, his other hand pressing a gun into the man’s side, “Hi, Chuuya! This seems like a bad situation.”

“Idiot. I thought you were in Hiratsuka for the night,” Chuuya replied, partially choking on his own blood and the mix of emotions swelling through him at the welcome sight of the other man.

“What’s this? Did you miss me already?” Dazai mused, his lips pressed into a thin frown, his eyes wide with amusement, “I suppose that means I’ll have to give you extra attention tonight...”

The man took their conversation to mean Dazai was distracted, seizing his opportunity, he swung the pipe over his shoulder towards Dazai’s head, and Chuuya’s hand shot out to grab the man’s leg and send him flying, first to slam into the ceiling and then crashing back into the ground, which cratered under his body. He wheezed, blood pooling around him, seeping from his every orifice. Chuuya guessed all of the man’s bones were broken, ground into a fine powder from the impact not unlike falling from a thousand feet overhead, and the thought made Chuuya feel a tiny bit better about the gaping hole in his stomach. Dazai stared blankly at the dying man and blinked a few times.

“That was dramatic, Chuuya.”

“Yeah, well, he’s an asshole,” Chuuya said, words trembling, and his face flushed white, “Where’s the doctor?”

“I sent Kunikida to retrieve her, he took Atsushi and Kyouka with Miss Gould back to the Agency, as well. They should be returning with Yosano shortly,” Dazai knelt in front of Chuuya and smiled, careful not to touch as it was Chuuya’s ability alone holding his guts inside, and Dazai’s No Longer Human would nullify his one lifeline, “It’s a good thing Ranpo called or, it seems, I’d be coming home to a tiny pincushion. Ranpo said ‘Chuuya will definitely do something stupid tonight’. He’s never wrong, you know, so I had no choice but to come here.”

“We only showed Ranpo the file an hour and a half ago. There’s no way he called you with enough time for you to get back here from Hiratsuka. You never made it there, did you?” Chuuya replied.

“Hmm…what’s this? That’s very clever, Chuuya, to figure out on your own…Atsushi must be training you well. I’ll have to reward you later,” Dazai grinned from ear to ear, “A good dog deserves a good treat.”

Chuuya flustered and fell forward, Dazai scrambling back to avoid him as he slumped towards the floor.

“Hey, hey, slug, what are you doing? Taking a nap? I can’t reward a dog that doesn’t greet its master with energy,” Dazai cried out, concern laced beneath his otherwise lighthearted words. He sat down cross-legged on the floor, plopping his elbows on his knees and cupping his face in his hands, he began to explain, “Don’t you want to know that you’re right? We returned early from Hiratsuka. The government contacted President Fukuzawa. We have a meeting with them in the morning.”

“We, huh? You’ll actually show up to it, then?” Chuuya murmured reply, trying desperately to keep his eyes open as black, inky splotches exploded along the edge of his vision.

“Wha-at? You make it sound like I skip out on important work all the time,” Dazai complained, “That’s not very nice, Chuuya. You’re worse than Kunikida, you know.”

“…crossing…the line…” Chuuya murmured.

“It’s not polite to fall asleep when someone is talking to you,” Dazai said, worry now heavy in his words, “I have no choice but to show up. President Fukuzawa personally requested I be there. Ah…but there are really so many other places I’d rather be, more exciting things I could be doing.”

“…oh yeah…like where?”

“Where…hm…anywhere, really. A small country village with a cottage, cobbled streets and cafes. Vineyards and sweet-smelling pastry shops…” he sighed, his voice faraway, “Somewhere where there is a quiet room with an ocean view.”

“…sounds nice…” Chuuya was struggling to draw his breath in, “…should go…sometime…”

“Mmm…maybe. I wonder if someone will be waiting for me there,” Dazai whispered, and Chuuya couldn’t muster a reply. He felt the other man lean over him, breath tickling his ear, “Rest now, Chuuya. Kunikida’s car is here. I’ll take care of you tonight; you take care of me in the morning.”

Like hell, Chuuya tried to reply, but his energy left him all at once, and he leaned unconscious on the ground. It was a few hours later when Chuuya woke in the Agency clinic. He pushed himself up to sitting, found the doctor, Yosano, rearranging the medical supplies in her cabinet nearby. She spared him a glance over her shoulder when his bed creaked protest of his movement. On a nearby bed was laid the ghost man.

“Starting to think we should set you up a permanent bed here. It’s only your first week, but I’m sensing a pattern,” the doctor said, there was an edge to her words that let Chuuya know she hated the thought of him spending more time than necessary in her clinic as much as he did, but the comment was an attempt to meet halfway. They were far from being friends but they were co-workers now. As much as she despised saving his life, she’d continue to do it as long as he worked at the Agency, it was her weird way of saying he could trust her on that, at least. Chuuya gave her a wary look.

“You know, I never had nearly as many near-death experiences working at the Port Mafia as I have working with your Agency. I’m starting to think forcing me to join here was part of a grand ploy to torture me the rest of my life,” Chuuya replied. His throat was dry and his words came out rasped. He gave a nod to the man in the other bed, “You managed to save this tool, too, I see.”

“Despite your best efforts. Quite the number you did on him. I’ve seen the dead bodies of people who fell from hundred story buildings that had less concussive injury than this guy when you were done with him,” Yosano crossed over to the man’s bedside to check on an IV drip attached to his arm. She spotted Chuuya’s questioning look and explained, “Drug induced coma. His ability would make it difficult to keep him locked up, and this seemed like the better solution than forcing Dazai to hold his hand until we could transfer him to government custody.”

“Would’ve been a better punishment to trap him with the waste of bandages,” Chuuya muttered, inspecting the bloody hole in his t-shirt with a click of his tongue.

“Speaking from experience?” Yosano pointed to a bag on the chair beside Chuuya’s bed, “He brought you some clothes from home.”

Home. Home, with Dazai. Their home that they shared. Chuuya smirked, picking himself off the bed and making his way to the chair on unsteady legs, “Fine. Maybe it would’ve just been more entertaining for me. Dazai ‘loves’ holding hands with strange men.” He frowned. “Where’re the kids?”

“Outside, in the office, I presume. Drafting the report for your case tonight.”

She hesitated, pressed her lips into a thin line, examining Chuuya in a way that sent a tiny, self-conscious shiver down his spine. He ignored her staring, picked out the garments in the bag and busied himself with changing. She averted her gaze when he removed his ruined t-shirt, revealing a bandage over his stomach where the ghost-man had stuck his arm. Yosano had the ability to heal him completely, but she never did, only enough that he would live, leaving the rest for him to heal naturally. She thought of it as her own way of getting a bit of justice for Chuuya’s ‘victims’ during his time with the mafia, but from what he understood of how her ability worked, he decided she was really letting him off easy.

“Atsushi is alright, if you were worried. The woman had entombed him in ice, but the tiger kept him safe while he was trapped. His recovery after she unfroze him took no time,” Yosano leaned back against the cabinets and folded her arms across her chest.

Chuuya pulled the fresh shirt over his head and bagged up the tattered one, tossing it in a waste bin. He swept his hat off the chair where it has been propped up next to the change of clothes and strode to the door, leaving without another word. As the doctor surmised, Atsushi and Kyouka were out in the Agency’s main office area, hovered together over Atsushi’s computer. Ranpo was also there, sitting with his feet propped up on his desk, some flashy cartoon that looked to feature robots streaming on his computer screen and a box of caramel coated popcorn in his lap, he laughed uproariously between mouthfuls of the saccharine snack. Chuuya wrinkled his nose in disgust at the childish man and joined the kids.

“Mr. Nakahara, you’re awake. I’m so relieved,” Atsushi perked in his chair, looking sheepish, “I’m sorry…about what happened today…it’s my fault that…”

“Don’t stress it, kid, we were all caught off guard,” Chuuya shot Ranpo a scalding glare, Ranpo continued to watch his cartoon and showed no outward sign that he noticed the look, “Not that we couldn’t have been better prepared if someone had given us more to go off, but that’s not your fault.”

“Right…though I don’t know if any amount of preparation could’ve really prepared us for that. It’s a good thing Dazai showed up,” Atsushi said, and Chuuya bit back the reflexive bitter retort, reminding himself they were on the same side now, but it did little to sway the competitiveness he still felt towards the other man. He was doing just fine on his own, dammit, he didn’t need Dazai to rescue him, “We still haven’t pieced together everything, but it seems the woman’s name is Hannah Gould. She came to Yokohama from America to live as a refugee after her father died in the war. According to Miss Gould, the man’s name is Marcel Aymé but she doesn’t know anything about why he was at her place or why he was trying to kill her.”

“That doesn’t make sense. She said something about…something not being her fault and she mentioned a ‘him’ before that guy showed up. I was sure she was talking about this Aymé guy. She’s got to be lying,” Chuuya said.

“That’s what Dazai thought, Ranpo agreed but he told us she’s not lying about not knowing anything of the burglaries and Marcel is our burglar. We’ll be transferring his custody over to the Special Abilities Department in the morning when they come for that meeting,” Atsushi explained. He paused, his features furrowed. His eyes flickered away; his expression mildly guilty. Chuuya glanced at Kyouka but her face was lowered and features naturally blank.

“There’s more,” Chuuya decided, folding his arms over his chest and tapping his foot, “But you don’t want to tell me.”

“It’s not that,” Atsushi said quickly, his eyes shooting up to Chuuya’s, wide with emotion, “It’s just…”

There was the sound of a door opening and closing down the corridor where the Agency President’s office was located. Kunikida and Dazai’s voices preceded their entry into the main office area, bickering about something nonsensical. It seemed Dazai was trying to convince Kunikida that lemon juice mixed with a bit of clay was restorative when worn on the face and feet at night, President Fukuzawa trailed behind them. When they reached the office, Kunikida’s eyes swept over the room, deliberately avoiding Chuuya. He made a comment to the other two men, said in a gruff voice, “Atsushi, I expect your report on my desk in the morning,” and left for the exit.

“Nakahara. A word,” the Agency President said. Chuuya frowned, meeting Dazai’s eyes momentarily, but the other man gave nothing away.

“Sure thing, ‘Boss’,” Chuuya muttered, moving to follow President Fukuzawa back to his office.

“I’ll help Atsushi with his paperwork,” Dazai declared, cheerfully making his way to Atsushi’s desk.

“Shouldn’t you do your own paperwork…?” Atsushi pointed out to Dazai’s laughter.

“You’re so silly, Atsushi, if I did my paperwork, then what would Kunikida do?”

Once they were in the president’s office, Chuuya plopped down in the available chair and waited for Fukuzawa to pour out two cups of tea. Chuuya had only been in the office once before, when he delivered his choice as to what his post-Port Mafia fate should be. The feeling of that day, and the weight of that decision, came back to him as he settled back in the chair and braced himself for the inevitable fallout of his earlier fight with the ‘ghost’, Marcel. He’d used his ability multiple times, albeit the situation was life or death, and then did his best to kill Marcel.

“We’ve reached the end of your first week,” Fukuzawa began in a tone that Chuuya hadn’t expected. Fukuzawa set one tea cup in front of Chuuya, took his own to his seat. Chuuya glanced at the cup but said nothing. Fukuzawa fixed him with a cool stare, “How are you settling in?”

“Fine,” Chuuya replied, narrowing his eyes on the older man, scrutinizing him for the meaning behind his words. Mori could never be taken at face value, there was a plan in motion, and a plan underneath the plan, and a plan under that plan. No question, no matter how innocuous it may seem, was ever without some unseen intent. Working for Mori meant staying on guard, and being successful in the organization required looking under the layers to see the layers beyond, but also, understanding your place in those layers and, all the while, not questioning the parts you didn’t understand even as you were intended to predict their subtle meanings.

“You’re comfortable working with Atsushi and Kyouka?”

“Sure,” Chuuya shrugged, picking at a loose thread on the upholstery of his chair.

“And the other’s in the Agency? I know some have expressed a distaste in working with…”

“Can we cut the crap?” Chuuya interjected, eyeing Fukuzawa dangerously, “I know I screwed up tonight. I used my ability without your permission and I did my damndest to kill that Aymé guy. I’m not even going to pretend I’m happy he’s still alive, I would’ve squashed him into mush like the roach he is if I’d known the doc was on her way, made sure he was good and dead before she got there.”

“Is that what you truly want right now? Aymé to be dead?” Fukuzawa mused, “In the moment, it could be construed as self-defense, but to still feel so strongly after the fact…to kill him now might be called vengeance.”

“He stuck his arm right through my stomach and out my back. Call me crazy, but I kind of hold it against people when they stick things in my body without my permission,” Chuuya grumbled, slumping down in the chair and tapping his foot on the ground, “So what now, huh? What’s my punishment, ‘Boss’? Am I out?”

“I wonder, if you were given the chance now, left alone with Aymé, would you kill him?”

“Huh?” Chuuya wrinkled his brow, eyed the Agency President suspiciously, “What are you getting at?”

“Merely curious. Is there harm in answering, if you’re already ‘out’, as you say?”

“No. I guess I can’t get in any more trouble, can I?” Chuuya leaned his head back and frowned at the ceiling, “We’d be better off if he was dead. His power was difficult enough for me to take on, hell, he almost killed me, and it’s no secret, I’ve got the most power and skill here in a fight. Not to mention, the man walks through walls, how do you keep someone like that locked up short of sticking them in a permanent sleep or gluing him to Dazai?”

“He has certainly proved himself to be a danger to society.”

“Same is said about me, though, right? Kill what you can’t control. But that’s the government’s style, not mine,” Chuuya smirked wryly at Fukuzawa, reaching forward to take a sip of his tea, and feeling a strange nostalgia from the scene, flashing to a meld of memories of being a younger man seated on a tatami mat across from an oddly serene woman in a kimono, katana sheathed and laid flat beside her. Their conversations then had the same energy and Chuuya felt an inexplicable tranquility cast over him, as he realized, there’s no Mori-level hidden schemes here, Fukuzawa just wants to understand, “Like you said, in the moment, I would’ve killed him because I want to live and, besides, he pissed me off. Same for him, I got in his way, so he wanted me dead. Self-defense, if that’s what you want to call it. But now, I don’t know the whole story and I’d really like to know what the hell is going on. It’d be better to wait for him to wake up so I can ask him, rather than kill him in his sleep and never know, right?”

“And when you have your answers? Would you kill him then?”

“Not my choice, is it?” Chuuya said.

“If it was,” Fukuzawa prompted patiently.

“No,” Chuuya met Fukuzawa’s stare evenly, “If he wants to come for my life or my organization again, I’ll accept the challenge and I’ll make sure there aren’t enough pieces left for the doc to save, but what’s the point in killing him otherwise?”

“I understand.”

“So,” Chuuya crossed his legs at the knee and leaned back in the chair, smiling at Fukuzawa, “You still haven’t told me my punishment for breaking my parole.”

“Even though it went against restrictions imposed on you by our Agency when you joined, you acted in the only way that you could to protect your team and our organization’s interests. I wonder, in this type of circumstance, would Dr. Mori have punished you?” Fukuzawa said, folding his hands in his lap and looking at Chuuya with a stern intent.

Chuuya cleared his throat, shifted in his seat, thought it over a moment before carefully answering, “Mori always said that it’s okay to bend or break the rules sometimes if it’s for the greater good of the organization.”

“A reasonable concept. Why then do you believe that I should act less reasonably than him?”

Chuuya ran his fingers over his palm where he could sense, more than feel, under the fabric that aching scar left behind by Mori’s scalpel driven through his palm. Fukuzawa caught the action, the corner of his lip twitching downward.

“I’m not Dr. Mori, I have no ulterior motives,” Fukuzawa said, in a tone as cold and firm as granite. Chuuya’s eyes flickered to his hard expression and then lowered to the ground, “If we’re to work together, you need to understand that. I’ve conferred with Kunikida and Dazai, we’ve concluded your actions were reasonable given the situation. There is no punishment. Rest tonight, your presence is expected in the meeting with the government’s representative tomorrow.”

“Oh good, and here I thought you said there was no punishment,” Chuuya muttered. He rose from his chair and started to the door.

“Nakahara,” Fukuzawa called him to a halt, “Thank you for protecting Atsushi and Kyouka tonight.”

Chuuya nodded, feeling stiff and a thousand times more exhausted than after using Corruption as he exited the room, shutting the door softly behind him. He found Dazai seated atop Atsushi’s desk, his legs folded and his body entirely blocking the flabbergasted tiger boy and his bemused partner from the computer screen and, what Chuuya could only presume, was their unfinished report. Dazai was speaking excitedly about something or the other, his voice trailed off when Chuuya entered the room and he bounced to his feet.

“Excellent! It’s decided,” Dazai declared.

“Decided? What’s decided?” Chuuya furrowed his brow, certain he was going to regret asking that question. Atsushi and Kyouka looked just as puzzled, and Dazai puffed up, looking rather proud of himself.

“Atsushi and Kyouka will come over for dinner tonight and Chuuya will make us all a wonderful dinner.”

“Who the hell decided that?” Chuuya shouted, his cheeks flustering with the heat of his emotions, and his stomach flopped knowing the futility of his protest.

Dazai’s smile, of course, never faltered, “It is, after all, Chuuya’s fault that we’re all still here.”

“What? No, no, Mr. Nakahara, that’s not…” Atsushi quickly attempted to amend. Kyouka covered a smile, and Chuuya softened his expression on the two young detectives.

“Fine, but we’ll have to stop by the store for ingredients on the way home. I’m not feeding them canned crabmeat,” Chuuya said, leading the way out the door. It only took Dazai a few long strides with his long legs to catch up, resting his hand between Chuuya’s shoulder blades. Kyouka and Atsushi had to scramble to follow after.

At Atsushi’s request, and despite a bit of prodding, because that can’t be all you want, Chuuya prepped some chazuke for dinner that night, topping Dazai’s with crabmeat and Kyouka’s with some fresh tofu cubes, and seared salmon on his and Atsushi’s. He used dashi instead of the traditional green tea, and let Dazai serve the bowls while he plated up some dinner for the kitten winding circles around his ankles. Dazai was regaling the youngsters with a story from their mafia days, with an embarrassing amount of embellishments that Kyouka looked to be taking with a grain of salt and Atsushi devoured wide-eyed and overflowing with naïveté.

“…at that point, my part was done and once they had me chained up in the backroom, all I needed to do was wait for Chuuya to come ‘rescue’ me,” Dazai was saying, Chuuya poured himself a glass of wine, “Of course, Chuuya was late as always. He cleared out the enemy, we returned the hard-drive to Mori, and still had plenty of time for Chuuya to lose ten bets with me before the arcade closed!”

“Amazing! And he really figured out where you were and what you needed him to do just by your turning one book on his shelf backwards?” Atsushi beamed before his features crumpled a little, “I wonder…is it wrong to say that you two made a really impressive team…since the work was for the Mafia?”

“No way, don’t fill his head with that kind of praise, kid. Dazai doesn’t need any more of an ego,” Chuuya complained, making his way to the futon.

“Ah, just who has an ego, glorified hat rack?” Dazai replied haughtily.

“Unlike you, my superiority is real and earned,” Chuuya shot back, scowling down at Dazai with a hand on his hip.

“There’s one thing I don’t understand though,” Atsushi interjected before the two could become fully embroiled in their bickering, “Once you were inside of the enemy’s headquarters, Dazai, it seems like you could have cleared the guards and secured the drive on your own. I’ve seen you fight and if you’d had a gun…I guess I can’t help wondering why…”

“Why he called me into all of it? That’s easy to understand. It was more fun for him to drag me out of bed in the middle of the night and make me do all the hard work,” Chuuya sipped his wine and took the seat next to Dazai on the futon, “Also, back in those days, I never let Dazai have a gun when we worked together.”

“Really? Why is that? I’ve seen Dazai shoot a gun before, he’s a very good shot,” Atsushi furrowed his brow in confusion.

“That was the problem exactly. He is a good shooter and…a suicidal prick,” Chuuya cupped Dazai’s chin, pulling the bandaged man’s face down to press a kiss to his jaw, and Dazai smiled sweetly at him in return, “I couldn’t trust him not to shoot me or himself.”

“Oh, I guess that does make sense,” Atsushi murmured, happily spooning some chazuke into his mouth.

“Hmm…always taking care of me. Such a good dog,” Dazai grinned, slinking his arm about Chuuya.

They ate over light conversation and then Dazai saw the two young detectives to the door as Chuuya cleaned their dishes. He smiled when Dazai crossed the room into the kitchen, slipping his arms around Chuuya’s waist from behind and burying his face in Chuuya’s shoulder. Chuuya relaxed back into Dazai’s embrace, continuing to scrub clean the pot he used to cook their rice that night.

“Mmm…Chuuya…be my lover,” Dazai murmured against Chuuya’s neck, his words vibrating warmly against the skin there, soliciting several shivers of pleasure.

“No,” Chuuya replied softly, rinsing the soap from the pot and his hands, setting the pot on the drying rack beside the sink. He squirmed out of Dazai’s grasp, reaching for a towel and drying his hands. Dazai remained by the sink, head hanging and arms limp, empty and cold, by his sides. Chuuya went to stand in front of Dazai, reaching up to push the shaggy hair from Dazai’s face, curling the tendrils around his fingers and pulling Dazai to his eye level, “I know what you want to do with your lovers, sicko, and I’m not interested.”

“Ah…is that right. So, what are you interested in doing with me then?” Dazai said, grinning into the kiss Chuuya leaned up to his lips, his arms slunk around Chuuya’s body, squeezing out the space between them and deepening their connection. Chuuya ended it first, pressing his forehead to Dazai’s, heat of their kiss coloring his cheeks and smile breathless. He slid his hands down along Dazai’s arms to find Dazai’s wrists, untangling the hold Dazai had on Chuuya’s waist. Chuuya entwined their fingers and led the eager Dazai to their bedroom.

[aer-in-wanderland]

 구미호뎐 | Tale of the Nine Tailed - Lost in Translation EP01

In which my sister and I sat down with a pint of mint chocolate chip and wrote down everything that occurred to us while watching the fan-subbed version of TotNT EP01. Contains mild spoilers. 

Prologue

We open with an excerpt from the Hyeonjoonggi (현중기・玄中記), which the internet informs me originated in China sometime between 265-317 CE. In Korea in particular, gumiho are typically thought of as being female, but this is an example of a classical text that says they can be either. From what director Kang Shin Hyo said at the TotNT press conference, the premise of TotNT began with the idea of challenging this base assumption by making the gumiho male and placing him in modern-day Seoul. I would translate the passage as follows:

When a fox becomes 100, it can become a beautiful woman, or become a man who has relations with women. A fox that lives for 1000 years communes with the heavens and becomes a cheon’ho (heavenly fox). Its gifts are like that of a powerful shamaness; it can perceive things more than 1000 leagues distant.”  

To my sense, the passage was introduced to show precedent for the existence of male gumiho in traditional folklore, as well as to illustrate that foxes over 1000 (cheon’ho) can be closer to deities than monsters.

On to the show. The year is 1999. I’m surprised the subs left ‘Fox Ridge’ untranslated as Yeou Gogae since it seems like it would be relevant information that the place where the accident takes place is somehow tied to foxes. 

When the imposter parents (who I believe are also foxes) chase little Ji Ah up into her room and her not-dad says, “You little brat!” (or at least, that’s what the subs we’re watching say), this is an example of what’s called ‘code switching.’ His phrasing is somewhat old-fashioned, which in this case helps to give the impression that he’s not human since it’s the cant of creatures in traditional fairytales. For anyone studying Korean, the line is, “요 년 봐라,” where ‘nyeon’ might mean anywhere from ‘girl’ to ‘wench’ or even ‘bitch.’  

Okay, I have to ask. Does no one else in Seoul drive on Fox Ridge? How did Ji Ah have time to go home, get attacked, and then be returned to the scene of the accident (I’m assuming by Yeon) before anyone came across it? 

Also, how did Yeon know where to take her? He tells grown Ji Ah that he just happened upon her after catching the scent of blood, but I get the sense there’s more to the story than that. I feel like this is part of a larger pattern wherein Yeon goes out of his way to rescue someone and then pretends as if he didn’t.

Episode 01 Title Card: What Happened on Fox Ridge

According to Yeon’s alarm, our current timeline begins on Saturday, August 29, 2020, and he has a wedding to attend. 2020 yet no COVID19? I guess this really is a fantasy drama. ;p

The BGM playing while Yeon gets ready is called ‘The Fox's Wedding Day,’ or, more literally, ‘day when a fox goes to be married’ (Yeou ga shijip ganeun nal) and it’s actually Yeon’s theme. I was expecting his theme to be the track entitled ‘Gumiho,’ but I guess not lol

The sun-shower. In both Japan and Korea, a sun-shower is known as ‘a fox’s wedding’ (kitsune no yome-iri/yeou ga shijip ganeun nal), so this is already cluing us in that the bride is a fox (I say ‘bride’ because both these phrasings typically apply to a bride marrying into her husband’s house. The phrasing is different for grooms, who ‘receive’ the bride). This is what Yeon means when he arrives at the wedding hall and says, “That’s because a fox is getting married today.”

It’s strange to me that the bride’s identity has completely dropped out of the subs. She’s Yeou Nui (literally ‘fox sister’), a folklore character of the Brothers Grim-style horror school of fairytales. Her thing is that she’s a gumiho who preys on families with only sons who desperately want a daughter. She insinuates herself into their lives, brings calamity down upon them, and finally, eats their livers. Like most fairytales, there are many permutations of her story, but many of them feature her saying she’s consumed 999 livers. I understand where - absent this context - some people might have seen Yeon as the bad guy here (spoiler: he’s not). 

The subtitle here for Yeon’s line says: “But you need to know that changing your identity isn’t as simple as you think.” What he literally says is:

Yeon: How did you go to ground so completely? You think that if you change your face and your identity, your blood-stained past will change too, right? But changing lives isn’t as simple* as changing subway lines. [*Note: ‘simple’ is in English]

This is the first real dialogue we get from Yeon, and one thing it’s doing very intentionally is showcasing just how much he’s adapted to modern life. It does this both with the content of what he says (talking about changing subway lines), as well as with the amount of English loan words he tosses around. So I personally would have kept the bit about the subway in if I had been translating. 

Yeou Nui’s line was translated as, “Please forgive me,” but it should more properly be, “Spare me,” or “Let me live.” Yeon is an enforcer, not a judge. (Also, ‘forgive’ is another word entirely).

Yeon’s line that’s subbed, “Listen, you fox. How could you dare dream of having a happy ending after eating so many livers?” is the result of what’s called diagonal translation, which is an unfortunate side-effect of subtitling conventions. What he literally says is:

Yeon: Yeou Nui, after eating the livers of countless adoptive parents and older brothers* how can you dream of a happy ending? 

[*Note: The word he uses for ‘brothers’ here is 오라비들, which is a semi-antiquated word, and again, the sort of language used in folktales] 

Yeon’s line, “Here’s a piece of advice” is more literally, “Here’s a bit of advice stemming from experience,” which is the first hint we get in-drama that he’s been in a similar position. 

Nam Ji Ah

We get our first introduction to adult Ji Ah as she narrates the script she’s editing for her TV program on her way to the wedding hall. When Jae Hwan worries about her changing the script without the writer’s permission (again lol), Ji Ah's response translated literally would be: 

Ji Ah: Then let’s go with this. PDs’ livers have to be swollen or coming out of their bodies. 

That’s a pretty disgusting image in English, so I don’t blame the subs for changing it to something more sensical and less graphic. But as a cultural note, in Korea and Japan, having a large liver means to be gutsy or brave. Ji Ah’s character description similarly describes her as, ‘a woman whose liver is [so large it’s] coming out of her body,’ meaning she’s about as gutsy as it gets. 

Okay, call me a cynic, but I loved Ji Ah’s line about not being able to digest wedding food due to the choking atmosphere of forced happiness pfft 

Jae Hwan saying, “Who knows? You may meet your destined partner at a place like this,” as Yeon walks by in the background = Jae Hwan unwittingly hitting the nail of the head #1

Lol Yeon acting like a bored kid held captive at a dinner party while the wedding takes place. Bless Lee Dong Wook because I’m sure it’s all ad libbed. I feel like this could be a game: spot the LDW ad lib. 

The Wedding Hall Incident

When Yeon returns to her dressing room after the wedding, Yeou Nui changes tactics from begging to putting her hackles up and challenging Yeon. Linguistically, that’s marked by her code switching to an archaic cant. Yeon, however, remains unfazed and responds with the most modern thing possible, completely undermining her bravado:

Yeou Nui: Oh former master of Baekdudaegan, what authority have you to condemn us?

Yeon: Get a hold of how she’s talking (rhetorical). Hey, if it wasn’t for you I would’ve been watching American TV shows while eating ice cream today!

Okay, I love the way Yeon materializes his sword. I thought he was (un-)transforming his umbrella at first, but he later does it with a plank of wood so I assume he can do this with pretty much anything?

On the topic of his sword, I posted a gif set not long ago referring to it as a sa’ingeom (사인검), literally ‘Four Tigers Sword’ (referring to the year, month, day, and hour of the tiger when such swords were supposedly forged). You’ll notice it doesn’t have a cross-guard since they’re traditionally ceremonial swords rather than actual weapons. The first sa’ingeom were made during the reign of King Taejo (1392-1398), but I assume they gave him one despite it being somewhat anachronistic because they’re also said to cut down evil spirits and ward against calamity. Mostly, though, it looks really cool and is very traditionally Korean. 

Not for anything, but I love this BGM track that’s playing during the wedding hall fight (‘The Uninvited’). This short action sequence was so great. I wish we could have seen more of Yeon hunting down supernatural baddies. Also more of those gumiho eyes. More gumiho everything in general. 

As he stabs her, Yeon’s line to Yeou Nui in the subs was rendered as, “Don’t do something stupid like falling in love in your next time.” I would have translated this as, “If you’re reborn, don’t do something so [useless] as falling in love.” Again, for anyone studying Korean, the phrase is ‘사랑 따위" (sarang ddaui). ‘Ddaui’ means ‘such a thing as,’ and it’s always used to disparage whatever proceeds it. There’s no good way to communicate that disparagement in English grammatically, so I opted for ‘useless’ in an approximation. 

The BGM that plays the first time Ji Ah spots Yeon leaving the wedding hall is called ‘White Pupils’ (or literally ‘white eyes’). The imagery typically associated with that is death, so I’m curious what inspired the track title. Maybe they mean ‘white eyes’ like the fortune teller since it’s used at fateful moments?

“Who knows? That may be the story you were destined to cover.” = Jae Hwan unwittingly hitting the nail on the head #2

“Were they mass hypnotized or something?” = Jae Hwan unwittingly hitting the nail of the head #3. Thank you, exposition fairy. ;)

Okay, when Ji Ah and Jae Hwan examine the scene, Ji Ah’s line is subbed, “I need to see what that woman of this love story looks like,” which is ungrammatical in addition to being wrong. What she actually says is:

Ji Ah: I need to see the face of that protagonist of the Romance of the Age. [And I believe the ‘protagonist’ she was referring to is actually Yeon ;) This is bordering on meta, seeing as he’s actually the protagonist of the epic romance that is TotNT] 

Kim Soo Oh

The BGM playing while Yeon sits in the park people-watching and then looks pensively at his hand is called, ‘Thread Rings.’ Between that, what LDW alluded to in his VLIVE, and some still cuts I saw of deleted scenes from EP16, I’m convinced there was something more to those rings that got cut due to time constraints. ㅠㅠ

Fun fact: This scene between Yeon and Soo Oh was the first scene of the drama that they filmed.

When Soo Oh asks Yeon what he’s doing there, the sub for Yeon’s response was, “Nothing other than waiting for someone.” That strikes me as off in tone as well as pacing. I would have translated it as, “Just.....waiting for someone.” (which is literally what he says).

When Soo Oh asks Yeon why he’s waiting, the sub says, “Because a fox can only love one person till death.” I don’t really have a problem with that translation, but what he literally says is, “Once a fox takes a mate they never forsake them. Until death.”

Sub: “How are you coping with that?” / “Not well.” > Literally: “Are you okay?” / “I’m not okay.” I actually like the sub here since it better conveys how precocious Soo Oh appears in this scene. He seems to alternate between precocious and adorably dim throughout the drama depending on who he’s with, though when he’s with Rang, it’s mostly the latter pfft

When Yeon turns down Soo Oh’s offer of friendship he says, “Your nose. I’m not big on men with runny noses. And human lifespans are too short to be friends with me.” Yeon's use of ‘men’ struck me as funny since I guess to someone over 1600 years old, an 8 year old and an 80 year old aren’t all that different. Also, Yeon giving serious life advice to an 8 year old is adorable. He talks to him like he’s an adult. 

The Afterlife Immigration Office

Between the BGM and the way the camera pans up the endless levels of shelving, did anyone else feel like Yeon entered Hogwarts for a sec? (not complaining) ;)

For the record, Yeon uses banmal with Taluipa and calls her halmeom (granny). In contrast, Hyeonuiong is pretty much the only character Yeon speaks to in jondaetmal and addresses respectfully as ‘elder’ (eoreushin). He speaks to Ji Ah’s parents politely as well, but it’s mainly because they’re her parents.

The text introducing Taluipa’s character wasn’t translated in the version we’re watching but it reads: ‘The god who rules over the River of Three Crossings (Samdocheon), the boundary between this world and the next.’ The hanja for her name (奪衣婆) refer to her traditional role, namely, removing the clothing of the dead for her husband to weigh on the Uiryeong’su (su = tree) to measure the weight of their sins. This is the same tree that the Uiryeong’geom (the wooden sword that appears in EP13), is allegedly carved from.

Lol Taluipa saying she has to keep up with the times but also using a computer that’s positively ancient (come to think of it, it’s probably from the 80s since that’s her favorite decade)

Again, I’m surprised that Yeou Nui’s character name dropped from the subs completely. The subs here just say, ‘the female fox.’

For Taluipa’s line, the subs say, “You’re to obey the order and capture who you’re sent after,” but that’s a loose approximation. More literally, it should be: “If the higher ups say to bring someone in, then you just have to bring them in.” I’m only mentioning it because the line implys that both Taluipa and Yeon report to someone higher up the chain of command. Otherwise they may be misconstrued as Taluipa’s orders. 

Yeon’s line, “My compulsory military service has gone on for 600 years. How could I not go crazy?” is hilarious when you consider that Korean men are required to complete 2 years of military service, and even that often feels like an eternity, so I think for any Korean, the idea of 600 years of it is just exceptionally cruel. The line is iconic enough to have been included in Yeon’s character profile.

I noticed this a while back, but ‘mountain god’ is being consistently translated as ‘mountain spirit.’ Technically, Yeon is (was?) a god, if a low ranking one in the grand scheme of things (the Korean word is ‘sanshin’ where ‘san’ = mountain and ‘shin’ = god). I understand the use of ‘spirit’ though, since he’s not a god as gods are typically thought of in western mythologies. 

Lol Yeon sticking his fingers in his ears (I would bet money this was also an ad lib)

Taluipa has a line that’s subbed, “Foxes never stay in debt.” More literally, it should be, “They say foxes repay eunhye no matter what.” You can find my explanation of eunhye here.

Wow, the subs really dropped the humour ball on Taluipa’s line here. First off, she says, ‘Right now’ in English. And while the sub says “Do you want your freedom back?” what she literally says is. “Do you want to be discharged?” (since Yeon had just likened his duties to military service).

On his way out, Yeon actually tells Taluipa, “Halmeom, you’re going to go to hell” (which is not the same as the underworld/afterlife as it said in the subs. Taluipa’s job is literally to ferry souls, so she goes to the afterlife all the time anyway). Also, when he says “I’ll pray for it everyday,” his phrasing is that of an elderly person pfft

As I mentioned, Yeon speaks formally to Hyeonuiong, who in return affectionately calls him Yeon-ie or Yeon-ah, which I find adorable.

Lol I’m not used to Ahn Gil Kang playing such a friendly character. Seeing him wheedle Taluipa with aegyo is hilarious. 

Code Red

Somewhat of a side note, I can’t help but wonder, is Shin Joo’s last name ‘Gu’ because he’s a gumiho, a la My Girlfriend is a Gumiho (2010)’s Gu Mi Ho-ssi?

I wish the subs had just left ‘Lee Yeon-nim’ as-is, instead of changing it to ‘Mr. Lee.' As a general rule, I’m in favor of preserving character forms of address when translating. 

Personally, I would have translated the name of Ji Ah’s TV program as: ‘In Search of Urban Legends’ rather than ‘Unveiling Urban Legends.’

I really like the dynamic between Ji Ah and writer Kim Sae Rom. “Should we fight?” / “Yeah, let’s fight~” How great is it that this drama doesn’t have a single catty, bitchy, stuck-up or otherwise obnoxious female character? 

For anyone keeping track, Shin Joo speaks to Yeon in jondaetmal while Yeon speaks to Shin Joo in banmal, underlining their master/retainer dynamic. 

Side note: There are actually multiple ‘types’ of jondaetmal: what I think of as ‘neutral polite’ (i.e. simply adding ‘yo’ to the end of all your sentences), the more formal polite (i.e. ending with ~[seu]mnida), that which elevates the subject, and that which lowers the speaker. The interplay of the four allows for varying degrees of politeness. The way Shin Joo speaks to Yeon is pretty much the highest degree. That doesn’t mean they aren’t close. Polite language can indicate distance but also level of regard irrespective of distance. This applies to Rang and Yoo Ri as well.

Again, Shin Joo calls Ji Ah ‘PD-nim’ but that became ‘that female director’ in the subs. PD-nim is a respectful (and non-gendered) form of address, and it’s perfectly suited to Shin Joo’s genial and deferential personality, so I wish the subs had just kept it. 

I read an episode recap where the recapper mentioned she wasn’t sure what Shin Joo’s deal was. At the time I was confused, but now I think I get it. In the subs, Shin Joo says, “When I’m a seasoned veteran? I’m now up to the point where I’m wondering if I’ve turned into an actual person.” What he actually says is:

 Shin Joo: No way~ How long have I been living in this (the human) world? Recently, I sometimes even have an existential crisis wondering, ‘Am I a person or a fox?’

[So he flat out says he’s a fox here, but that wasn’t reflected in the subs.] 

Fun fact: this was Hwang Hee’s first scene that he filmed with Lee Dong Wook, and the BGM as they exit is Shin Joo’s theme.

I love the way Lee Dong Wook played this scene where they pay their tab. That is all.

It’s only as Yeon and Shin Joo exit the restaurant that we see that the sign out front reads ‘The Snail Bride’ (Ureong Gakshi). This is another folktale in-joke, since the snail bride’s whole thing is that she cooks delicious meals for her human husband everyday. 

For the record, the Snail Bride (Bok Hye Ja) also uses honorific language towards Yeon and calls him ‘Lee Yeon-nim.’ I just assumed it was in deference to his ex-mountain god status, but it turns out she has a personal reason for holding him in high regard as well that we discover in the final episode.

As Yeon and Shin Joo walk away, Shin Joo’s line is subbed, “That show’s actually quite famous.” Since Korean doesn’t require a subject, the sentence is somewhat ambiguous, but I understood him to be referring to Ji Ah herself rather than the show since he says: “[Something is] really famous around the broadcast station.” 

Lee Rang

Lol Kim Beom. How are you 32 years old? 

I love how sharp and no-nonsense Ji Ah is. It’s so refreshing to not have to wait for the characters to catch up to what the audience already knows. 

Rang’s theme that plays as he transforms back into his suave self is so iconic. The music director (Hong Dae Sung) really is a genius. It’s funny when you think about how different Rang’s theme is from Yeon’s. 

Fun fact: Kim Beom shared in his Instagram LIVE that Rang ‘picking the wrong shoes’ was actually intentional. He was testing Ji Ah to see if she’d notice. 

Okay, Rang says here that he likes, “everything about her (Ji Ah) from head to toe,” (not in a romantic way but in a grudging respect/she’s fun to toy with kind of way) but what happened to that? Are we supposed to assume that he would have liked her if she hadn’t been the object of his brother’s affection? But he approached her knowing that’s who she was...? I don’t know. I do know I wish they’d had more scenes together. Their verbal sparring is great.

Side note: One Korean fan nickname for Rang and Yoo Ri that Kim Beom liked was ‘Hoket-dan,’ playing off the Korean for pokemon’s ‘Team Rocket’ (Roket-dan) and mashing it together with the ‘ho’ from ‘gumiho’ haha

Yeon’s obsession with mint chocolate ice cream is a hilarious counterpoint to his status as a cheon’ho and his ex-mountain god title. Point to the writer. In Japanese, this would probably be called ‘gap-moe’.

When Yeon tells the man behind the counter, “When I’m indebted to someone, I’m obligated to return the favor,” he’s once again talking about eunhye. As a fox, he’s supernaturally bound to repay good deeds done for him. As far as I’m aware, this is unique to the drama and not part of the traditional gumiho lore. 

Yeon eating ice cream like a happy kid XD Lol Lee Dong Wook, how are you 39?

Fun fact: Yeon’s line when he answers Rang’s call, “The number you have reached doesn’t exist, you punk” was an ad lib by Lee Dong Wook. The combination of the formal phrasing found in a typical voicemail recording followed by ‘you punk’ is particularly funny. It’s so witty I actually wouldn’t have known this was an ad lib if LDW hadn’t confessed as much himself. 

“Let’s meet.” / “I refuse.” /  “I’ll set your house on fire.” Hahaha What is with these brothers? Are they 1600+ and 600, or 16 and 6? Are the zeros silent??

Bus 1002

Ji Ah: “If possible, pick a different dream. I’ve been on the clock for 22 hours straight now.” I like Ji Ah so much. She’s unpretentious, intelligent, honest, driven, resourceful and witty. 

Lol As Ji Ah struggles with the old man, you can hear Yeon offscreen urging the driver to get moving. Only he calls him, ‘driver yangban.’ Yangban is originally a word for a nobleman, but much like the word ‘lady’ in English, what was once a term of respect is now...not. lol Also, I’m pretty sure this was another ad lib by Lee Dong Wook since it happens entirely in the background.

This scene with Ji Ah piggybacking the old man is so classic spooky-folktale. I love it. 

"You’re the only person I saw.” *Close up of the totem pole* They managed to make that whole sequence creepy despite nothing actually happening. Cool cool cool. 

So our old drunkard is revealed to be a Mokjangseung (mok = wood). Jangseung in general are totems that stand at crossroads and the entrances to villages. tvN published some backstory info explaining Ji Ah’s past with this particular Jangseung and why he elected to save her which I translated here.

Aaaand we’re back at Fox Ridge. I can’t believe I only just noticed this, but the episode title could refer equally to the accident in Ji Ah’s past and this bus accident in the present. 

Of course Rang staged the accident at the site of Ji Ah’s greatest trauma. Also, the fact that he knows that about her is telling. 

Appropriately, the BGM playing as Ji Ah arrives at the scene of the accident is ‘Fox Ridge’ (Yeou Gogae). Iconic.

Back over to Yeon. The first time I watched this I wondered where on earth he was heading in that downpour but it turns out he was in pursuit of Rang, who had given him the slip. 

Seeing Yeon limping injured through the rain ㅠㅠ  Also, while Yeon later tells Ji Ah he carries his umbrella everywhere because he hates his fur getting wet, he clearly isn’t bothered here, choosing to keep it sheathed on his back instead. I guess all bets are off when he’s in Gumiho Mode. 

Detective Baek and Ji Ah speak in banmal and he calls her ‘Nam Ji Ah,’ which I assume means they’ve been friends for a while. 

Wow, good for Ji Ah for having made note of the exact number of passengers in the midst of all that chaos. I certainly wouldn’t have. 

Hospital Encounter

So after Rang gave his brother the slip, Yeon realizes the next day that he’s at the hospital thanks to the news article Shin Joo reads out to him. Idk but I like that shot of the two of them heading out. There’s something vaguely Avengers about it. Which is maybe not surprising given that was another early influence for the show. 

I liked this conversation between Ji Ah and ‘Soo Young.’ We get to see Ji Ah’s own resolve and drive in the advice she offers: “Even so, I hope you’ll become strong. It’s way more fun to be a PD than a victim.” 

As with when he arrived at the wedding hall, the cinematography + BGM as Yeon approaches the hospital with his red umbrella is just A++ 

The BGM playing when Ji Ah spots Yeon approaching the hospital information desk isn’t on spotify or anywhere else that I’ve seen. It reminds me a bit of the ‘Tubular Bells’ theme from the Exorcist (a movie I actually haven’t even seen). If anyone knows what it is, I’d love to know. 

“My only talent is my face~” pffft  Also, decidedly untrue. 

When Ji Ah tells Yeon, “Yes, I’m scouting you, but not for that,” She literally says, “but not for that genre.”

And now the subs say ‘Fox Ridge.’ Okay, then. 

When Yeon says, “From the sound of it, it won’t be well made,” ‘well made’ is in English. Again, the peppering of English through Yeon’s speech makes him sound more modern.

When Yeon says, “Plus, I’m very devoted” his line is more literally, “Plus, contrary to how I look, I’m the devoted type.” Are you saying you look like a player? pfft

Yeon is such a big softie, so why does he keep threatening to kill people? Does he not realize they might take him seriously?

For this entire conversation (interrogation?), both Yeon and Ji Ah are switching back and forth between polite speech and banmal, almost on a sentence by sentence basis. On the whole, it gives the impression of a verbal sparring match.  

“It’s not as if this was a blind date. No thanks on a second one.” lol I do enjoy cheeky Yeon. 

Oh, I love that Ji Ah thinks on her feet. Using her leather bag to lift Yeon’s fingerprints was a smart move. Although, I’m not entirely convinced it would work that well in real life. 

The ‘grim reaper’s outfit’ exchange was a coordinated ad lib between Lee Dong Wook and Hwang Hee. I mean, of course it was lol Casting Lee Dong Wook is the gift that keeps on giving. 

Was that supposed to be Yoo Ri entering ‘Soo Young’s’ hospital room in those boots?

Minor detail, but ‘Soo Young’ calls Ji Ah ‘eonni’ meaning ‘older sister.’ It’s common convention in Korean to refer to people by familial ‘roles’ that fit their general age range even when you’re not actually related. I could digress, but I guess I just find it jarring when they have her addressing Ji Ah by name in the subs since Ji Ah is older and virtually a stranger. 

Okay, when ‘Soo Young’ hears that Ji Ah lives alone, the smile she gives is effectively creepy. 

The contrast between ‘Soo Young’s’ narration and the events of what actually happened on the bus that we see as viewers is great. Point to the director. 

Wow, Rang really just slaughtered a whole bus worth of innocent people without a thought. I feel like we all managed to forget that about him as the show progressed. Hats off to the writer and to Kim Beom’s compelling performance. I actually worried initially that Rang would remain a one-note character because that would have been such a waste of Kim Beom, who is a fantastic actor. I’m so glad that wasn’t the case. 

I love the subversion of viewer expectations when it turns out that Ji Ah knew all along that ‘Soo Young’ wasn’t who she claimed. This is something TotNT does repeatedly and well. We get both the dramatic tension of her being in danger and the satisfaction of her having had the upper hand all along. Point to the writer.

I’m pretty sure Ji Ah knocked that pitcher over with the express intent of using a shard from it as a weapon. Point for character consistency. Past or present, Ji Ah is apparently a ‘stab first, ask questions later’ kind of girl.

The Brothers

“Hey you! I clearly told you I didn’t want a second date?!” Haha Oh, Yeon. 

I saw comments from Korean fans about how Yeon burst into her house with his shoes on here, and now I can’t not think of them when I watch this scene: ‘Entering the house with your shoes on...in the Republic of Korea...Ha...’, ‘Even if you bust the whole house apart, you have to take your shoes off before entering...’ lol

I love Yeon’s line that’s subbed as, “As if, brother.” In Korean, it’s “Do you want to die, little brother?” The word he uses for ‘little brother’ is ‘아우야,’ which, while still used occasionally today, is an antiquated word Yeon might just as easily have called Rang 600 years ago. It’s also, in contrast to the first half of his sentence, quite an affectionate term of address. 

Rang’s line subbed as, “It’s a long story, but the family has a dirty past,” should more properly be: “It’s a long story, but you might say we come from a broken home.” Saying they have a dirty past makes it sound like they’re the mafia or something. Also, as a fun language note, the expression is literally ‘a bean-powder household.’ 

“Are you worried I’ll be sucked into the Underworld?” should be: “Are you worried I’ll go to hell?” Not sure where they got ‘sucked into.’ Rang just means when he dies. Also, I wish the subs would do a better job distinguishing between hell, the underworld, and the afterlife. They’re three different words. 

“It’s because you embarrass me, that’s why.” Lol at the way Yeon covers his eyes. That’s definitely another ad lib from Lee Dong Wook. 

When Rang calls time here, he actually calls Yeon ‘hyung.’ I suspect this wasn’t in the script but rather something that slipped out subconsciously on Kim Beom’s part, since the writer was clearly saving that word for when it would hurt us viewers the most. ㅠㅠ

Yeon’s line is subbed, “Old habits really do die hard,” but it should properly be: “You still haven’t fixed that habit?”

“If you don’t find it until the end of the next month, this woman will die.” This should actually be: “If you can’t find [that] by the next end of the month, your woman will die.” The subject is actually omitted so it’s unclear to what exactly Rang is referring, which is intentional. I also understand hearing ‘your woman’ (ni yeoja) as ‘this woman’ (i yeoja), but when they later flash back to this conversation they use a different take in which the line delivery is clearer and I’m confident it’s ‘your woman.’ This also explains Yeon’s confusion, since at this point he didn’t even know she’d been reborn. 

I Waited for You

For anyone wondering how Ji Ah got into Yeon’s apartment, apparently his house code is 0000 lol

From his expression as he discovers and then watches the video she secretly took of him, I feel like Yeon is impressed with Ji Ah in spite of himself and I’m 100% here for it. 

For the record, from this point forward, Yeon and Ji Ah use banmal with each other. Ji Ah has a tendency to speak to many of the supernaturals in banmal, which is honestly the opposite of what I would have opted for in her shoes. 

Yeon’s question of, “How did you come here?” could mean either, ‘What brings you here?’ or ‘How did you get [in] here?’ in Korean, and honestly they’re both valid haha

Minor note, but she actually says his Korean age is 36, which would be 35 by the typical reckoning...except he’s actually ~1636 so it’s a moot point, really. 

Ji Ah’s line, “Now I can proudly say that it’s fate,” translated more literally would be: “At this point, it really is fate and not coincidence.”

I feel like Ji Ah’s strategy of throwing herself off the balcony here is possibly the only thing she does in this entire show that strikes me as dumb. Like, I’m pretty sure if Yeon hadn’t been both benevolent and able to fly (and she had no guarantee that he was either), letting her just fall here would have been the easiest way for him to resolve the matter/the only thing he could have done. 

Yeon’s line, “Did you just test me?” is one of the rare instances in which he code switches to archaic speech. I guess using his gumiho powers put him in a Gumiho frame of mind. ;)

On the whole, I prefer the instrumental OST tracks to the lyrical ones, but ‘Blue Moon’ is just sooooo catchy. I wish they had continued using it more. 

And that concludes Episode 1. I’ve never posted anything like this before, but hopefully it was at least mildly interesting. Let me know what you think. 

[wolfcha1k]

Flood and Flame /// Guy x Eep Fanfic

"You're the fire and the flood

And I'll always feel you in my blood

Everything is fine

When your hand is resting next to mine

Next to mine

You're the fire and the flood"

"Something wrong?" Guy inquired.

She shook her head before resting it on his shoulder, getting comfortable. "No, not really," Eep told him, seeing he didn't look convinced despite all she could really see was the curve of his jawline. "What about you? I have a feeling that it's not just itchy feet bothering you tonight." 

Guy and Eep take some time to sort out their feelings, surviving The End of the World itself can take its toll. There's also matters of the heart... /// Guy x Eep /// Post!Croods but before A New Age ///

You can also read it on Ao3 or FF.net here:

https://archiveofourown.org/works/29494047

https://www.fanfiction.net/s/13821005/1/Flood-and-Flame

- <3 -

Author's Note: I'm always fascinated by the development of Guy and Eep's relationship that we don't see leading into "A New Age", since they start off rather new to each other. I also like to explore just how the family processed surviving The End since I'd imagine that was a very traumatizing experience. Especially for Eep who had nearly lost both her father and Guy during all that, two people she cares deeply for. So this is a little "what if" into that scenario.

This is also just a little distraction from "A Tomorrow of Our Own" as I sort through my writer's block. I had wanted to post this before Valentine's Day hit but what can you do, can't rush quality. The picture here was drawn by me and I hope you like the story and artwork. Some warning, kinda steamyish near the end, skip right to it or over it, your choice. If it makes anyone feel anything, then I did my job despite my virgin awkward boyfriendless ass feeling differently, haha. Ngl, took me several days just to write the kiss because I got so much second hand embarrassment yall gotta read that.

Eep couldn't sleep but then again, how could you catch a wink after surviving The End of the World itself? Her blood was still pounding in between her ears and it thrummed through her veins. The energy hummed under her skin, desperate to burst alongside the burning that sent her nerves ablaze. It was barely a few short hours ago they'd outlasted certain death. For those short moments, all had seemed lost.

In-between the restless twisting and turning amongst the sleep pile, Eep gave up trying to sleep. The dark around her didn't help matters much, even if Eep prided herself in her courage. She hunted for light all her life, eyes drifting towards the remains of the embers that still glowed upon the ground. It gave little comfort.

Her father's words echoed in her memory, the whole ordeal still fresh as a wound. Never be afraid.

Perhaps it was easier said than done, green gaze finding the hulking mass of fur and muscle that was Grug. She almost lost her father without never telling him she loved him. It haunted her when she waited on the other side of that chasm, bordering The End and waiting for a response she knew was never coming. The anxiety came like an unwelcome stranger, knocking persistently at her skull. Giving a soft frustrated groan, she sat up and crossed her arms.

She looked up at the moon and the night sky that held all the Tomorrows, the sleeping suns shining like beacons of hope. Eep tried laying down again, cuddling close to a nearby snoring mass she assumed was her little brother Thunk. There was Chunky's loud rumbling purr, Gran's thunderous snoring and Ugga's gentle murmuring to seek comfort from. She counted each breath, in and out and shut her eyes… How did the tiger fly? Her voice echoed, reminding her of caves and the canyon that once defined her existence.

And then he stumbled into her life, well, more like she pushed her way into his with persistence rivaling the most stubborn of beasts. He held the sun in his hands and showed her there was more than darkness. She jumped on the sun and rode it to Tomorrow.

Her nerves, taut as a bowstring, nagged for release. Like the tiger in Guy's tale, she was ready to fly.

I gotta move around, she thought. Eep gave one last look at her slumbering family silhouetted in the darkness. Instinct was something she knew innately, it kept her alive.

She wiggled free of the tangled bodies around her, rolling onto her hands and knees. Eep quickly felt the crisp night time chill turn her skin to goose flesh. She shivered, partially regretting the choice to leave the warm safety of the family sleep pile. Her body was too tense for sleep though, reminding Eep of the static feeling the air got before lightning struck.

She shrugged the feeling off and like a cat on the prowl began to creep away from the slumbering clan. Eep made distance and in-between trotting along her knuckles, she sprang up onto the balls of her feet gracefully. Muscles rippling under her tanned skin, she just let loose. The lush green jungle and its many colorful flowers rushed past her in a blur of color. Breaking into a run once Eep knew she was far enough away not to make noise, she relished in the freedom the night brought her. Eep breathed in the air deeply, feeling it expand her lungs and suddenly the cold of it felt good in comparison.

Her feet carried her towards the edge of the jungle, white sand expanding far as the eye could see. The ocean was shining bright, so blue she wondered if it was even real. The moonlight reflecting on the ocean called to her in a whisper yet was loud enough to deafen her ears. Eep wondered perhaps if she dipped her hands into the water she would scoop up a shard of the moon. Eep paused at the edge of the treeline. A familiar scent blew in on the breeze upwind, Eep flaring her nostrils.

Guy, she would recognize his scent anywhere. He smelled of wind and freedom, like innovation and firewood. He was also tinged in ash from The End and the burning scent of the tar he'd been stuck in with her father. It was thick and pungent, making her tense. Again it reminded her how close she had nearly lost everything. Eep without another thought was quick to seek him out, a part of her worried about him being alone out here.

It was silly to worry, there was no danger here now. Besides, Guy had survived alone long before he ever met her and her family. However she couldn't shake it, especially when today she saw him lose hope in that moment. Guy was a dreamer and always knew how to escape the worst of dire situations. Full of ideas that seemed endless, he'd had no solution to when the earth broke into pieces around them. It had broken her heart seeing him like that, all her faith was on him and she'd never thought he could lose that spark.

It didn't make her regret the journey though, she would have always followed him to The Ends of the earth. Despite how short she'd known him, it felt like forever somehow. Were soulmates real? She hoped so.

Come with me.

She found him quickly thanks to her keen sense of smell. Seated on a tall rock on the shore, his back was to her. His knees were curled up to his chest, long arms wrapped around him. Eep crept towards him and he perked at the sound. He turned his head, squinting to see passed the dark. He relaxed when he realized it was not danger, a sigh rattling his thin, lanky frame. His smile could radiate light as he gave her one. It made her insides melt.

"Hey," he greeted, already scooting over to give her a spot on his lonely little ledge.

She didn't hesitate to plop herself next to him, quickly cozying herself into his side. "Hey you," she chirped back.

Guy didn't seem to mind the affection, if anything he was just as eager to meet her half way. He leaned his head comfortably against her temple, breathing in her scent.

"What are you doing up?" Eep asked him after several moments, needing the time to enjoy having him to herself for once. It was one of the first real time being alone together since getting stuck in the canyon.

"Just wanted to explore a bit, I couldn't sleep," he told her, turning his face to nuzzle her cheek. If Eep were a cat, she would have purred at the affection. "What about you?"

"I'm too wound up I think," she said. "I can't sit still for long anyway."

He chuckled fondly, pulling away to look at her. Eep practically whined at the loss of contact, looking into his eyes. "You do have a severe case of wanderlust, I must be contagious."

"Hey, so long as it's not the common cold I'm good."

"I'd never want to make you sick," Guy promised her. "I'm healthy as a horse fly, I swear."

Lovesick seemed to be a fitting description though, Eep batting her eyelashes as she swooned at his affection. He grinned at her.

"How did you find me?" He asked her suddenly, returning to nuzzle the soft skin of her cheek and jaw.

"I sniffed you out," she exclaimed, sounding proud of herself.

"Do I really smell that weird to you?" Guy teased her, gently lifting a finger to boop her on the nose. She went cross eyed, amused.

"A bit, I've gotten used to it though," she teased right back.

He gave her a lopsided boyish smile at that, chuckling low in his throat. Guy made himself more comfortable on his perch on the ledging. Eep watched Guy turn away from her to look towards the sky, his brows furrowed. Something seemed to be on his mind, Eep's curiosity pricked under her skin and she shuffled her weight. Feeling her shift, Guy turned back to her, questioning.

"Something wrong?" Guy inquired.

She shook her head before resting it on his shoulder, getting comfortable. "No, not really," Eep told him, seeing he didn't look convinced despite all she could really see was the curve of his jawline. "What about you? I have a feeling that it's not just itchy feet bothering you tonight."

He sighed, merely cuddling her warm body as he put an arm behind her back. "Bad dream," he confessed at last, looking up at the slumbering suns above them again. Guy's face was solemnly drawn, forlorn as seemed to search the heavens for answers. "Today was a lot."

"Yeah," she agreed quietly, mind blanking as she thought back to what had happened just barely a day ago now.

Eep looked at her arm where a fresh wound was, the blood long since dried. She'd gotten it after Grug threw her across the chasm, her bicep had grazed a sharp rock when she landed. Eep had a feeling it would scar, it wasn't like she was scared or ashamed of those though.

This one though felt different, sure, she had survived but it'd been a horrifying day. It was something that would take time to forget and feel pride in.

Guy followed her eyes and gently nudged her, drawing her from her thoughts. "What about you?" He echoed the question. "I know it's not only me who's reflecting."

"What is there really to say?" She shut her eyes, returning to the darkness that had suffocated them in dirt and ash. "I nearly lost my dad." We all almost died.

They fell into a tense silence as both Eep and Guy continued to digest all that they'd experienced today. Guy idly peeled at a piece of dried tar he couldn't wash off successfully with his finger nail. She lifted her head a little and Eep watched him, green eyes flickering between his face and the splotch of black tar.

"I know the feeling," he murmured at last and he hesitated a long moment, steeling himself as he lowered his head. "I… um… I lost my parents when I was a little boy."

Eep drew away to properly look at his face, seeing the old hurt there. He wouldn't look at her, trapped somewhere in his mind she was unable to follow. She reached out to cup his cheek to turn his head towards her, rubbing her thumb tenderly against his face.

He leaned into her touch, lifting his hand to cover hers. He pulled it away slightly in order to press his nose into her calloused palm, a gesture of deep fondness amongst cave people. Did he know that? Eep wondered. It made her ears burn despite the weight of what they were talking about.

"Guy… I'm sorry," she said finally, it was the only thing she could really say. It had been an obvious conclusion for why he was alone, so young yet wise beyond his years. His experience spoke volumes of the world he had to face.

She once couldn't imagine living without her father, no matter how much Grug frustrated and smothered her. After today she knew though at last and it was the worst feeling in the entire universe, no kind of wound she'd ever gotten could come close to comparing to it.

"The tar pit with your dad really picked at an old wound for me," he went on, voice beginning to warble a little. "They had drowned in that stuff. I guess… I guess I wasn't as over it as I thought I was. I can't forget that awful smell, it suffocates you."

Eep didn't think it was a thing you could get over, part of her didn't want to meet the person who had forgotten it that easily. She wasn't sure what to say so instead she wrapped an arm around his waist, hoping her presence would be enough comfort.

"I'm not alone anymore though," Guy continued despite how sad his voice sounded. "I got you and your family now."

"And Belt," she added helpfully and it made him smile a little bit as waned as it was.

"And Belt," he agreed. "I think my family would have wanted me to go on this crazy road trip with you."

"Log ride and all?"

"Maybe sans the log ride," Guy admitted, twisting his face up in a pout. Eep pulled him closer so she could hug him better.

They fell into a companionable silence for a time, listening to the wind as it blew over the beach. Her thoughts wandered again to places she didn't want it to go, that buzzing unused energy beneath her skin returning with a vengeance.

Eep knew thinking about things wasn't going to be helpful for either of them, her gaze jumping between Guy and the ocean. The tide rumbled softly as it eased in and out along the coastline. She tugged on his elbow, gesturing with her head in the direction of the ocean.

"Wanna go for a swim?" Eep asked, knowing the shift in topic would be welcome. They would drown their fears in the water. She idly flexed her muscles in preparation of the activity to come.

His expression lightened despite his eyes still looking sad. It was progress at least. "Yeah, sure," he relented with a small smile.

Eep beamed at him in girlish glee, separating herself from his side to spring to her feet. "Last one in is a rotten egg!" She shot off, leaping off the ledge onto the sand gracefully.

Guy scrambled to rush after her and nearly fell face first off the rock, calling out accusingly, "Hey! That's cheating, Eep!"

"No, you're just a sore loser!" She called back, turning around as she ran backwards a moment. She saw him running as fast as he could, long legs extending forward and back. Eep made it to the shore line and leaped into it in a cannonball, climbing a nearby series of rocks as a kind of diving board.

There was a dark shape distorted on the surface of the water before suddenly it crashed down after her. Eep moved to avoid being crushed and saw it was Guy. He grinned at her, paddling about skillfully. Eep was still learning this whole swimming thing, he was like a swan to water compared to her. They were deep enough that they could see the bottom yet not far enough for it to be a problem returning back above the sea. She swam after him when he went further down, showing her some coral and undersea plants that were eye candy. Some fish swam passed them, their scales rainbowy and glistening in the lowlight.

Her lungs began to burn for air and she could see Guy was beginning to feel the effects too, for he started upwards with a strike of his feet to the sea floor. Eep could see the mottled light shining above her on the water, casting the belly of the sea in an ethereal sort of glow. She kicked her feet down, paddling her way up to the surface with a gasp. She moved a clump of wet hair out of her eyes, grinning when she saw Guy resurfacing next.

She splashed him merrily, Guy lifting his arms in a feeble attempt to protect himself. He swatted water back at her afterwards childishly, Eep giggling as she began to crocopup paddle away from him. Guy followed her, easily cutting her off to dunk her when he grabbed her around the shoulders. Eep sputtered as she resurfaced, seeing the wide mischievous grin on his face.

"Two can play at that game!" Eep declared, sucking in a breath dramatically before diving back down.

She could see Guy's body twist and turn as he attempted to peer down to see what she was doing. Eep swam under him and hefted him onto her shoulders, she heard his surprised gasp as he clutched around her neck for support. She promptly tossed him head over feet before scrambling to the nearby rocks again before he could get her back.

His head popped up above the sealine, Guy wiping his face away the water and spitting salt from his mouth. He looked around for her before his dark eyes found her standing proudly on the rocks.

"What are you doing now?" Guy asked her, swimming near her suspiciously.

"I'm the queen of the rocks!" Eep called out, puffing her chest out. "And you're the dirty dung beetle," she added, her teeth shining from her wide playful smile.

"I'll show you who's the dirty dung beetle," he said, beginning to climb the rocks after her.

Eep pounced to a higher one as he got closer, her balance better than his as she lowered onto all fours. "You gotta try harder than that to dethrone me, Guy."

Guy scrambled on the wet slippery stones but found his balance before he could plummet back into the ocean. He got to her perch and the two of them began to wrestle for the spot, Eep getting him into a headlock as his arms went around her torso.

He attempted to shove her with all his might, looking rather pathetic as he went red in the face from exertion. "You're like a rock!"

"Complimenting me won't get you anywhere!" She shifted her weight, ready to throw him.

He saw an opening and Guy swept his leg against hers, forcing her to stumble as her foot slid from underneath her. Suddenly, Eep lost her footing and yelping out loud began to fall. She didn't release him, if she was going down he was going down with her. Guy gave a similar shout and the two crashed in a heap into the water.

He let go of her and Eep loosened her grip from around his neck as the two swam back to the surface, gasping for air. Eep pulled him up with her, arms loosely draped on his shoulders and back. Guy had a sopping mop of hair drooping over his forehead and eyes, his smile wide. "I win."

"That was hardly a fair victory," Eep accused him without any real bite, lightly kicking his leg. "You fought dirty!"

"You're just a sore loser," he teased her, echoing what she'd called him earlier.

She just huffed, floating there with him. She looked at his face, amused. He looked so funny with his hair covering most of his face, it reminded her of the shaggy mop sabrebunnies had. She was suddenly hyper aware of how close together they were, his face nearly touching hers as his breath came out huffing. She could feel it fan her lips and a chill that wasn't just the cold this time made her shiver. His torso pressed against hers, their knees touching and chests close together.

It reminded her of when they'd set the trap together back in the tundra with the weird rocks. They had gotten tangled together like this before, faces touching and limbs ensnared tightly. This time there was no turkeyfish or Grug to break the tension.

She swallowed, her throat felt tight. Guy brushed aside the hair from his eyes, his laughter stilled and the smile on his face fell away slowly. His eyes fell to her lips for a moment. He suddenly realized their position but he made no move to pull away.

"Eep?"

She felt like she had butterflies inside her stomach yet somehow it didn't seem to matter at all right now. Eep only wanted to hear him say her name again like that, softly and wrapped with warmth. Only he could make her name sound like one of the most beautiful things in the world.

"Yeah, Guy?" It took her a moment for her brain to catch up to reply, she wondered if she sounded as breathless as she felt.

He was quiet, a seriousness she wasn't quite used to seeing when she thought of Guy. He was usually so goofy and strange, in a good way, of course. It was easier on her nerves though when he was stammering and a little nervous of her. Now she was the one feeling a little frightened but she also couldn't care less about that right now. It was a fear that reminded her of when she tried something new, nervous energy that fell away into satisfaction when it proved her fears wrong.

"I think I love you," he confessed after hesitating, needing to collect his thoughts. His words were soft and gentle, the fondness there even without him directly telling her. They came out of nowhere practically, yet it just felt right. Guy gauged her expression which must have been surprised because he reached for her hand as it trembled. "Are you okay?"

"It's just the cold," she mumbled with a sheepish look, attempting to ignore the gooseflesh erupting across her skin. Eep smiled.

He seemed as nervous as she was, resting her palm on his chest and covering her hand entirely. His heart was thundering under her fingers and he shivered. She felt it through her hand and arm, Eep blinked at him with concern. "Just the cold," Guy murmured back with a small grin.

"My heart feels like that too," she chuckled, shutting her eyes tight as she sucked in a deep breath. "Is that normal?"

"Yeah, it is," Guy assured her, squeezing her hand with a gentleness she wasn't accustomed to. Used to rough handling, it was something she was still adjusting to. "Least I think so. I've never… felt like this before."

"Okay," Eep murmured. "Hey, um, can I…?"

"Can you…?" He encouraged her softly.

She decided it was easier to just do it than elaborate what she wanted because something about it felt too intense to put into her voice. She forgot what words were but that was okay, they seemed unneeded. Not thinking was becoming easier, Eep closed the distance between them, not that there was much left to begin with anyway. She pressed her forehead against his, holding her breath as she waited for his reaction. He was so warm, his breath stuttering against her lips at the contact.

He was tense under her touch for a moment before relaxing, brushing his nose against hers as he tilted his head at a more comfortable angle. His touch thrilled her, a feeling she'd never experienced before until meeting him. Nobody had ever touched her like this, vulnerable and intimate. It was a long drawn out moment, Eep hearing the soft exhale of his breath.

"You need to breathe, Eep," Guy reminded her in a low voice.

"Oh," she managed to say, sounding rather pathetic as she let it out.

Guy nuzzled his nose against hers, brow against brow. "I like this."

Eep found what she wanted to say again, pressing her palm against his heart. His fingers tightened around hers. His pulse raced under her, pounding like thunder in a storm. It fueled her resolve and gave her relief that her feelings weren't something fleeting. It wasn't just because Guy was new that he fascinated her endlessly, her feelings ran deeper than that. "I... I think I love you too, Guy."

There was a hitch in his voice. "Yeah?"

"Yeah."

They breathed together for what felt like forever, his breath fanning her face. Guy moved, she felt it in the water around them. Eyes still closed, they widened when she felt the gentle press of something against her lips. His fingers brushed along her jawline tenderly, tilting her head further. A rush of heat made her skin feel more alive than it ever had before, touched by sunlight and fire all at once. It burned her blood and pounded in between her ears. His mouth moved against hers, each movement making her heart skip a beat. He pulled the slightest bit away, lips hovering above hers. His chest heaved a bit as he caught his second wind, Eep realized she was just as bad. It felt like the rush she got from hunting or when he taught her something new, invigorating and alive. Guy seemed to be waiting for something, what that something was, Eep wasn't sure.

A shiver ran down her spine despite how warm her entire body felt, Eep gathered her resolve. She leaned back towards him, hesitating for a heartbeat before tentatively closing the distance between them. He pulled her closer, which was somewhat difficult due to being in the water. He let go of her hand to tangle his fingers in her hair, Eep stroking the indentation between his pectorals. He trembled like a leaf under her touch as it roved over his skin, her hands moving from his chest to his shoulders, kneading the sinewy muscle there. His hand gently stroked the slope of her neck and down her muscular back, tracing scars in a awed sort of way, like she was precious.

She felt the soft flicker of his tongue against her lower lip and she couldn't help but startle, pulling back the slightest breath away. He didn't chase after her lips, just shut his eyes and breathed out a long, drown out exhale like he was pained. Her face leaned closer to his again and shyly she copied him, gliding her tongue along his lip to show her what he wanted.

And show her he did, tentative and gentle as always when he sensed her hesitation. He would never push her, though once Eep found her courage, she turned the tides on him with her typical ferocity. Guy gave a sound that was nearly a growl, thrilling her. She'd never been wanted before, her palm cradling his cheek. Her other arm went to wrap around his neck as his hand fell to squeeze her waist. He gripped the furs at her hips, pulling her closer yet still feeling too far away. She wanted him closer, like prey being hunted she felt cornered but it was exciting. Emotions she never knew before raged within her, Eep couldn't help but whimper against his lips as they spiraled down.

He paused, pulling away at the sound to take in her flushed face. His chest heaved, Eep feeling it more so than hearing it now. "Are you okay? I'm um… sorry." Guy was suddenly sheepish.

"I think I forgot how to breathe," she said between breaths, exhilarated.

He swallowed thickly, gathering his wits as he gently pushed her away. "Me too." The words seemed to remind him what was at stake here, that there was more than the burning in their blood.

The distance helped her heart time to finally stop its frantic beating. It found itself a much more manageable rhythm, one that thankfully didn't make her feel like she was dying. She caught her breath, lifting her hand out of the water to see it was pruned. "Wow," she mumbled, surprised.

"We've been in the water too long," he said, looking at his own fingers. "I think I'm actually cold now." Guy shivered, teeth chattering for a second.

Eep giggled with a sheepish grin. "Me too."

Guy began making his way towards the shoreline, padding through the water. Eep followed him as she crocopup paddled. Once they reached the soft white sand, the couple flopped together on their backs. Eep wiggled into his side, curling up into a ball. With the warmth of the sun gone, there wasn't much of a way to chase off the chill.

He wrapped an arm around her, rolling onto his side to get closer. "We can't stay here, you know," he mumbled into her hairline.

"Too cold, don't care," she rebutted. "Make me warm."

Guy chuckled, pulling his hands away despite her whining protest. He blew hot air into his palms and rubbed her chilled skin vigorously. They stayed like that for a moment, trading body heat until the cool night air on their skin felt tolerable. Eep pushed herself to her elbows after pulling away, gazing at the sky. Guy followed her eyes towards the sleeping suns.

"I'll never get tired of seeing this," Eep said aloud, turning to face Guy. He finally sat up, draping his arms over his knees as he crossed his legs.

"Me either," he said, relishing the beautiful sight. "I've followed each sun for so long," Guy continued, closing his eyes with a peaceful look on his face. He turned to face her, a smile quirking the corner of his mouth. The fondness in his dark eyes made her feel shy, something she hadn't known she could be. "They lead me to you."

"I should thank them," Eep decided, getting to her feet. She stretched her arms above her head, hands attempting to reach for the moonlight. "Thank you, Tomorrow!" She called out, smirking at Guy who laughed.

He found his legs, standing up next to her. "Yeah!" He shouted, cupping his hands to his mouth so the sound carried. "Thank you!"

She giggled, giddy as she pressed into his side. He rested his head against hers, grabbing her hand to affectionately smooth his thumb over her knuckles. Guy raised her hand to his lips after, placing a featherlight kiss on each finger. "Your dad would so kill me right now," he mumbled against her skin.

"I won't let him," she quipped, practically glowing in her warmth. "Though, he might hunt you down if we don't go back to bed."

"Yeah," he sighed, sounding reluctant as he let her hand go. Eep instantly missed the warm of his calloused palm and fingers around it. "We probably should."

"We can still take advantage of the sleep pile though," she said with a slow grin, hands behind her back coyly.

He copied her expression, keen on the sneaky plan. "Not like Grug can really lecture us, everyone moves like an earthquake in there."

She toed the ground, shaking her head with a snort. "Yeah." Eep nudged his shoulder and looped her arm through his. "C'mon, it's late and I think I'm worn out enough to sleep now."

Guy nodded his agreement, seeming to suppress a yawn suddenly as he muffled his mouth. "Yeah, I'm all adventured out." He gave her a sly little look, Eep innocently blinking up at him as if not knowing what he was insinuating. "Thanks for that, by the way."

"Anytime," she quipped.

They began to make their way away from the beach and into the jungle, hearing the snores of the slumbering family through the thick foliage. Eep tugged Guy down besides her to practically curl around him. Guy wrapped an arm around her waist, shimmying into a more comfortable position before sighing. Eep closed her eyes with a low hum, listening to the soft beating of Guy's heart.

She felt something soft press against her forehead, a kiss, she realized. She idly kissed the spot where his heart was in response, lovingly without a word but he knew its meaning. His breath hitched a little and he tugged her closer.

She was asleep faster than she thought possible, content and cozy…

Of course the awakening was less so when morning came, a disgruntled and shrill sound reached her ears. Yup, everything seemed back to normal, its natural balance. Guy could do nothing more besides retreat away as the familiar broad form of Grug seemed ready to skewer him with a nearby branch he grabbed. Of course he had assumed the worst, having awoken to see Guy's body draped over Eep's, pinning her beneath his weight

"Belt!" Guy shouted as he pelted off into the forest, ducking and weaving.

But the sloth only raised his long arms in a sweeping dramatic gesture. "Dun, dun, dun!"

"Ah, young love," Gran crooned, resting her fist on her chin as Eep got up to go save her boyhog. "I doubt he will kill him, we still need his fire."

Fire indeed, Eep thought with a burning blush.

[spine-buster]

The President Wears Prada (William Nylander) | Chapter 1

A/N: To celebrate William “Thirst Trap” Nylander’s birthday last Friday, I’m going to do a double post this week!  (Also maybe because he’s technically not in this chapter).  Make sure you set your clocks for Thursday at 7:30pm cause that’s when I’ll post Chapter 2.  Chapter 3 will then proceed next Monday on our regular once-a-week schedule.

September 3rd, 2019

Aberdeen Bloom was still looking for a job.

She was still sending out her resume to companies.  She was still making follow-up phone calls.  She was still creating alert notifications for jobs she’d be interested in.  She was still going for interviews.  She was still shaking hands and thanking people for their time.  She was still writing follow-up thank you emails.  She was still getting rejection calls.  She was still submitting work to writing contests and magazines.  She was still getting “It’s not what we’re looking for right now” emails.  

She sighed.

So maybe getting the dream gig was harder than she thought.

It wasn’t like the bank had let her go.  She was still earning something to keep her afloat, but it was the bank.  It wasn’t writing, it wasn’t anything else.  It was the same stuff every single day and Aberdeen was starting to resent it.  She didn’t move downtown to stay a bank teller.  She moved downtown to start her career, and this was not starting her career.

But then a phone call came on Sunday – peculiar, she thought, since it was a long weekend and had expected everybody and their mothers to be at a cottage – asking if she wanted to come in for an interview.  To MLSE.  For the personal assistant job.  Aberdeen didn’t even remember applying to MLSE.  But she was desperate, so she said yes, and now she found herself looking in the mirror with her best “interview outfit” on ready to ace it.

She took a deep breath.  She could do this.  She packed her bag, made sure she had her wallet at keys, and left the condo, deciding to walk the short way to 50 Bay Street so she could pick up breakfast on the way.  Even while eating the ham and swiss sandwich, she could feel the butterflies in her stomach – it didn’t calm her nerves at all.  For some reason, she felt like this was her last chance to build something towards her career.  If she didn’t, she’d be stuck bank-telling forever.  When she stood outside the doors of 50 Bay Street, she took a deep breath before walking in.

“When you arrive, tell the receptionist you are looking for Frances Munro” the woman on the other line had told her when she called for the interview.  As she approached the receptionist, she tried to look as confident as possible.  “Hi, my name is Aberdeen Bloom.  I’m here for an interview with, um, Frances Munro?”

“Aberdeen Bloom?” another voice called out.  

Aberdeen looked up to see another woman lurking in the back, a clipboard in hand, dressed impeccably well.  “Yes.  Hi.”

The woman looked at her.  Aberdeen could see her give a quick up-down.  “Great.  Human resources certainly has an odd sense of humour,” she quipped, chuckling for nobody but herself.  “Follow me.”

Aberdeen did as she was told, giving a polite nod to the receptionist who was already ignoring her.  She circled around the desk and followed Frances, who walked through the door but didn’t hold it open.  “Okay, so I was Brendan’s personal assistant but I recently got promoted so now I’m looking for someone else,” Frances explained.

“Oh, so you’re replacing yourself.”

“Well, I’m trying to.  We tried to be proactive and hire early but the last two Brendan sacked after only a few weeks.  We need to find someone who can survive here – who can survive Brendan’s schedule and survive the pressure of the Leafs.  Do you understand?”

“Yes.  Absolutely.”  Aberdeen looked around awkwardly.  “Who is Brendan?”

“What?” Frances stopped dead in her tracks to look back at Aberdeen.  “Oh my God, I will pretend did not just ask me that – Brendan Shanahan, he’s the president of the Toronto Maple Leafs,” she practically hissed at her, continuing her walk.  “Not to mention a hockey legend.  If you work a year for him you can get a job in any adjacent field you want – sports, media, journalism, writing, whatever.  A million people would kill for this job.”

Writing.  Writing.  WRITING!!!!!  Alarm bells were going off in Aberdeen’s ears.  “It sounds like a great opportunity.  I’d love to be considered.”

Frances giggled, pushing her clipboard up to cover the smile on her face.  They had stopped in front of a series of doors and Aberdeen felt like she was going to have to pick the one without the tiger in it.  “Aberdeen…the Toronto Maple Leafs are a hockey club.  An interest in hockey…even just a little bit, is crucial,” she explained condescendingly.  Aberdeen wondered how someone like this could even get promoted.  “Do you play hockey?

“No.”

“Do you watch hockey?”

“No.”

Frances looked shocked.  “Do you know who the Toronto Maple Leafs are?”

“Of course I know who the Toronto Maple Leafs are,” Aberdeen huffed.  “I just don’t…I mean, I don’t…”

“If I put a picture of Mats Sundin in front of you right now could you pick him apart from Wendel Clark or Doug Gilmour?”

There was an awkward pause.  “Are those Mr. Shanahan’s right-hand men?”

“Oh my God,” Frances muttered under her breath.  “Have you ever been to a game?”

“Yes.”

“Are you lying?”

“No – no, I’m not lying,” Aberdeen said quickly.  “One of my friends – her dad gets tickets through clients or whatever.  I’ll go to maybe one a year with her family.  But it’s not – I’m not like…the experience is fun.”

Before Frances could respond with something that was ruder than the last thing she said, her phone let out a really loud notification.  She balanced the clipboard on one hand as she took out her phone.  But as she looked at the message on the screen, her face dropped.  “Oh my God, oh my God, no!”

Aberdeen’s face dropped too.  “What’s wrong?”

Frances dropped her clipboard onto the desk and ran around it, grabbing the phone receiver and dialling a number.  Almost automatically, she began talking.  “He’s on his way.  Tell everyone the story needs to be retracted now,” she barked before hanging up.  A man walked through another door and suddenly, it was complete mayhem.  People were running through everywhere.  

“He wasn’t supposed to arrive until 9:30.  What happened?” the man asked Frances.

“Those idiots at the Sun had the audacity to actually post the story about his daughter online.  God, these people!” Frances huffed.  

Aberdeen stood awkwardly as everyone seemed to go into mayhem mode.  Frances was running around like a chicken with her head cut off, that one guy had mysteriously disappeared, and men in suits were in and out of everywhere with panicked looks on their faces.  She watched as Frances whipped into the office and began putting stuff out on the desk – a glass of San Pellegrino water, a venti Starbucks, and the sports sections of all the local newspapers.  When she was done, Frances grabbed the clipboard from her desk, a pen, and ran back down the corridor they just came from, leaving Aberdeen there, standing alone.  Awkwardly.  

Eventually, she could hear Frances’s voice again – much more polite this time – and footsteps of very expensive shoes clacking down the hallway.  “Yes Mr. Shanahan, of course.”

“And tell David at The Sun that I’m this close to revoking media access to the locker room if he publishes another article to do with my children ever again,” a voice Aberdeen could only assume was Brendan Shanahan’s was echoing down the hallway.

“I’ll get right on it.”

“Then tell Ben up in the legal department to draw up the paperwork necessary for that to scare them,” she heard, and finally, they rounded the corner.  Frances and Mr. Brendan Shanahan, President of the Toronto Maple Leafs.  He was angry.  Aberdeen could tell, even if she didn’t hear any of his last sentences – his body language showed it all.  She stepped back a few steps so he could get into his office unimpeded, where he would very obviously yell at the top of his lungs once he shut the door.  

“Who’s that?” he asked.

Frances stood in front of Aberdeen, shielding her from Brendan’s view as he looked back at Aberdeen from inside his office.  “Nobody – well – human resources sent her about the personal assistant job and I was going to interview her…but, but she’s hopeless,” she chuckled out, “and totally wrong for the job—”

“Well clearly I’m going to have to do that myself, since the last two you sent me were completely inadequate,” he deadpanned.  Frances’s back stiffened at the words.  “So send her in,” he finished as he sat down at his desk.  

Frances walked out of Mr. Shanahan’s office.  “Mr. Shanahan would like to see you,” she said politely, loud enough for him to hear.  It was when she leaned in closer that she began to whisper so he couldn’t.  “Brendan Shanahan is the absolute nicest person you will ever meet,” she began, “but he is also the busiest, most intense, most dedicated hockey professional in the entire National Hockey League.  Do you understand?”

Aberdeen gulped.  “Yes.”

“And I hope you know that this is a very difficult job for which you re totally wrong, and if you mess up my head is on the chopping block.”

‘That might not be so bad’, Aberdeen thought.  She would have appreciated some words of encouragement, like what Kasha had given her this morning, rather than the shpeal she was getting now.  But Aberdeen digressed, and nodded her head.  She took out a copy of her resume from her purse before walking in.

When she did, she couldn’t help but notice all the fine detailing of his office.  A lot of oak, bookcases, a lot of framed pictures of his family, and a giant Toronto Maple Leaf logo plastered – literally plastered – onto the wall.  He even had a giant oak desk – so regal – in the middle of the room.  

“Who are you?” Brendan asked in a tone much softer, but still angry.

Aberdeen took a deep breath.  This was her time to shine.  “Hi Mr. Shanahan.  My name is Aberdeen Bloom,” she said, stepping forward awkwardly to place her resume on his desk.  “I recently graduated from the University of Toronto—”

“And what are you doing here?” he asked.

Aberdeen blanked.  What was she doing here?  “Um, well, I think I could do a good job as your assistant, and um…” she started, noticing that Brendan was putting on his glasses.  Her gave her a look as those words left her mouth.  He grabbed the newspapers off his desk and placed them in front of him, over her resume.  

‘Alright Aberdeen.  Cut the bullshit’ she told herself.  “Yeah, so, I graduated U of T and want to become a writer.  I sent my resume out everywhere, and my work to try to get published, and finally I got a call from the MLSE human resources department, and…well, basically it’s this or bank-telling.”

Brendan didn’t look up from his newspaper.  “So you’re not a fan of the Toronto Maple Leafs.”

Aberdeen’s body stiffened.  “Uh…no?”

“And before today you had never heard of me.”

“…No.”

There was an awkward pause.  Brendan didn’t seem like he had any more questions in him – if he even cared.  It was so clear that he didn’t and that she was bombing this interview.  But Aberdeen felt more words coming.  “I was recently published in Acta Victoriana, the oldest continuous university magazine in Canada – twice, actually – and was also published in the Hart House Review—”

“I think we’re done here,” Brendan said, not looking up from the newspaper.  That was it.  Cut throat.  Didn’t care.

Aberdeen swallowed her pride.  So this interview was a dumpster fire from the get-go.  But it was him that came in angry and him that came into this without an open mind.  She couldn’t help but scoff at how he dismissed her; he didn’t even have the courtesy to look up.  She turned to walk out.

‘Don’t let it end like this’ her mind told her.  ‘You have so much within you that he doesn’t want to see’.

So she turned around.  “You know what?  You’re right.  I know nothing about hockey,” she began, her voice as strong and powerful as she could make it.  “The woman who brought me in asked if I knew the difference between Matt…Gilmour and something…something Sundin, and I didn’t.  I don’t fit in here,” she continued, noticing that he finally looked up.  “I’m a girl who grew up in an old bungalow in Etobicoke with immigrant parents.  I’m an English major with a double minor in classics and film.  But I’m smart.  I’m really f…really smart, and I learn fast, and I will work hard if you give me the chance to do so here—”

“Good news – they’ve agreed to take down the story,” somebody burst into the room interrupting her speech.  Brendan looked at her until the person laid their iPad down in front of him.  “The tweet linking the article is gone and it’s completely gone off their website.  Adrienne Batra wants to call you to personally apologize.”

“There’s no way I’m speaking to that woman,” Brendan mumbled.  “Tell her I want it in writing.  And one to my daughter as well.”

“Thank you for your…time,” Aberdeen said, as if he gave her any.  She walked out of his office and out of his life forever.  

Aberdeen decided to take the stairs, slowly walking down the flights of stairs, hearing her shoes clack against the bare concrete.  There, she could at least wallow in her self-pity after that train wreck of an interview.  She could deliberate about her next choices and steps.  Keep bank-telling?  Go back and get her Master’s?  Take a new course?  Tell her parents how she was failing?  Move back home?  Never do anything with her life?  Live in her parents’ basement for the rest of her life?  Maybe she should just stay in this stairwell.  Maybe she should start living here, since there was nothing else for her out there in the big wide world.  Maybe she’d become a hermit.

As she finally reached the ground floor, she thanked the receptionist again, who ignored her again.  Typical.  As she was about to walk out of 50 Bay Street, she heard her name being called.  “Aberdeen!”

She turned around.  Frances was waving her back, rolling her eyes at the same time.  Aberdeen furrowed her brows.  Did she forget something?  What was going on?  She scurried over to Frances.  “What’s wrong?”

“Brendan wants to speak to you.”

Aberdeen gulped.  She was going to get yelled at by the President of the Toronto Maple Leafs.  He was going to completely obliterate her entire life and not-yet-burgeoning career for that little stunt she pulled inside his office with that speech, and she’d never be able to find a job anywhere in Toronto again.  She may as well just move into her parents’ basement now.  

As they both rode the elevator back up, Aberdeen’s heart kept beating faster and faster.  “Do you know what he wants to speak about?” Aberdeen asked.

“I have no clue,” Frances said absent-mindedly, typing something into her phone.

When they arrived back upstairs, Frances led her straight back into Brendan’s office.  He was working on his laptop now, instead of reading his newspaper over Aberdeen’s resume.  “Brendan, I have Aberdeen back for you,” Frances announced.

“Excellent,” he said, his voice much more upbeat than what is was five or ten minutes ago.  “Franny, I’d like you to take Aberdeen to get her picture taken for her new MLSE identification badge,” he said.

Frances’s eyes bulged out of her head.  So did Aberdeen’s.  “W-What?” Frances stuttered out.

“And after that, I’d like you to take the town car and take Aberdeen to the Eaton’s Centre to get her an iPad Pro with a keyboard so we can start the process of downloading all the necessary apps and internal mail server she’ll need to do the job.”

Aberdeen’s stomach dropped.  “I…I got the job?” she asked, completely flabbergasted.  Was he nuts?  Completely, certifiably insane?

“You start next Monday.  Is that fine with you?”

Aberdeen found herself nodding.

***

“I’m so glad Steven could get that done for you today,” Brendan said as he rounded the corner of his desk so he could sit in his fancy big chair.  Aberdeen nodded, looking at the screen of her new iPad Pro.  Steven, one of the guys from tech support, had helped her download everything she needed to have on it.  

“Yeah.  It was all really fast.”

“After you finish up here today you may need to go back to the Eaton’s Centre,” Brendan informed her.  “You’re going to need to purchase a work wardrobe.  Keep every receipt because MLSE will reimburse you.  I prefer black, but really…get whatever you think is appropriate for an office.”

“Okay.”

“No heels necessary.  When we travel, I obviously don’t mind something more laid back – especially trips to the west coast.  Do you have a valid and working passport?”

“Yes sir.”

“Make sure you have it when traveling.  Our charter plane will still need to see it.  We’ll make copies.”

“Yes sir.”

“You’ll need to be available every game day.  We usually have Sundays off, but it’s a very untraditional schedule.  You’re okay with that?”

“Yes sir.”

“And I have your contract for you,” he said, grabbing some paperwork on the desk.  “We’ll have someone from the legal department come and explain it shortly,” he handed it to her, “but you’ll see the salary at the bottom of the first page.”  Aberdeen looked down.  Her eyes bulged at the number.  “If everything is to your liking, then we can sign.”

“Okay,” she nodded her head.  She gulped.  

Brendan looked at Aberdeen and could tell she was nervous – it was obvious in her short “Yes sir” responses anyway, but she looked like she wanted to curl into her shell.  “Before Ben from legal gets here, I would like to apologize about this morning,” he said.  “A local newspaper ran an article about one of my daughters, and my children…well, my children are completely off-limits.  Everybody knows that.  But sometimes some journalists like to see how far they can take things, even though they know family is off limits.”

Aberdeen understood where he was coming from.  If anyone ever said anything bad about Siena or Camden, she’d have their head on a spike.  She couldn’t even imagine what it was like for a father, or any parent for that matter, to have an article published about their child without their permission.  “I understand, Mr. Shanahan.”

“We are like a family here, you know – MLSE, but the Leafs especially.  You will feel part of that family soon enough.”

Aberdeen nodded nervously.  “I’m sure I will, Mr. Shanahan.”

“Well…” he shrugged his shoulders, leaning back in his chair and smiling at her.  “Congratulations, Miss Bloom.  You are now an employee of MLSE.”

***

“With the Leafs?!” Kasha was shocked when Aberdeen told her.  She’d started pouring glasses of wine when Aberdeen told her she got a job, but once she revealed the specifics, Kasha was shocked.  “Gosh Aberdeen, remember when my dad would bring me, you, and Siena to games with the company season tickets?”

“I know.”

“And now you’re working for them?!”

“For the President.  I’m his personal assistant.”

“Oh my God!” Kasha exclaimed.  “Seriously though, I bet a million jocks would kill for that job,” she commented as she finished pouring the wine.  

“Yeah.  Great,” Aberdeen shrugged her shoulders.  “Thing is, I’m not one of them.”

“Well, you gotta start somewhere, right?” Kasha offered.  She picked up both wine glasses, handing one to Aberdeen.  Kasha held her glass up.  “To jobs that pay the rent.”

Aberdeen giggled.  “To jobs that pay the rent.”

[photolover82]

The Masked Singer Season 6 Costumes (Ranking & Opinions/Guesses)

Hello everyone! We are back baby! Welcome (or welcome back) to Ana's Masked Singer recap, where I, Ana, talk about this not so little show called The Masked Singer, not sure if you have heard of it lol. IT’S SEASON 6 TIME EVERYONE, which means that when a new season is upon us, we gotta rate some costumes (hey, I do make the rules, and that’s a special tradition we do here in case you are new… if you are new, hi, welcome, have a seat, get a cookie, some dinner, whatever you would like, and relax we are about to go on a ride of sorts with costumes). Having said that, let’s get started!

Preface: The show will air September 22 and 23 as a two night premiere and costumes are being revealed little by little at the moment (When I am writing this, idk how many contestants there will be in total so this might be more than 1 part long)

Preface over… introducing the new costumes! *INITATE DRUMROLL PLEASE*

1. Banana Split 🍌🍨

Thoughts: It’s a cute idea ngl…. It kinda makes me sad that there was already a banana costume and an ice cream costume and they just kinda put it together, but it’s still an adorable idea. I love pair costumes on the show, so this is very cute, the cartoon nature of it is super fun.

Prediction: (I am gonna put a prediction on who I think it could be, like whether it’s an athlete, musician, a pair of siblings, a couple, etc.) I think they are a couple, probably married or played a married couple on TV… I am also gonna dream cast this for fun: my dream cast for Banana Split would be either Kristen Bell and Dax Shepard or Fran Drescher and Charles Shaughnessy (who played Fran and Max on The Nanny, who were love interests/a married couple on the show)

First Clue: 3 pair of 🎲 with the numbers adding to 6

Rating: 10/10

2. Hamster 🐹

Thoughts: it’s soooo fluffy and cute omg I love it… I really hope this is a good singer because I just love this costume, it is too cute to be sent home the first week (I’m looking at you Gremlin). Everything about this costume is so cool and whimsical, any child (and me) would go crazy for the hamster.

Prediction: My brain automatically goes to an athlete who can sing (hopefully) but from experience with the show, this seems like an athlete would be under this mask… but another part of me thinks it might be an actor, so I am torn between the 2: actor or athlete (hopefully who can sing ok)… probably male I predict. Dream cast actor wise would be Jack Black and athlete wise I have no idea because I know close to nothing about sports and I don’t wanna embarrass myself here with names

First Clue: A whistle

Rating: 10/10!

3. Cupcake 🧁

Thoughts: This is a costume I have been waiting for a while… I love I so much. It reminds me of the cupcake float from Victorious (if anyone knows that reference I applaud you) and I really love it honestly.

Prediction: An actress or/and singer (female), I low key want it to be like one of the actresses I grew up on like anyone who used to be on Nickelodeon or Disney Channel… so my dream cast would be between Liz Gillies (who played Jade on Victorious), Victoria Justice (Tori also on Victorious) or Sabrina Carpenter (from Girl Meets World on Disney Channel)

First Clue: 🧭 pointing North

Rating: 10/10!

4. Mallard (Duck) 🦆

Thoughts: Wow, this one is really dope and dapper looking, it kind of reminds me of Giraffe from season 4, I really like the look of it. Also, I heard from the preview that he can sing a mean country song, so I’m excited, I hope he’s good, fingers crossed.

Prediction: From what Robin Thicke said in the preview, perhaps a country singer or an actor who can sing country. My dream cast would probably be Keith Urban, Jason Aldean, or LeAnn Rimes’s husband (who was on that Netflix show about country music so I guess he can do a country song idk) Eddie Cibrian

First Clue: Red telephone ☎️

Rating: 10/10

5. Dalmatian 🐶

Thoughts: This one is also pretty cool, I really hope someone in sports isn’t under there because that would be way too predictable… it reminds me of last season’s Bulldog mask which ended up being Nick Cannon… but like cooler for some reason

Prediction: I’m gonna go off the cuff here (since those kind of responses work for this show lol) and I think it might be a rapper of some sort, similar to like Frog or Chameleon. My dream cast for this one would probably be Kendrick Lamar, Snoop Dogg (lolll get it… probably not tho), or Chance the Rapper

First Clue: Eagles 🦅

Rating: 9/10

6. Octopus 🐙

Thoughts: This is my first time seeing the octopus, since it was just revealed today… but I really like the vibe, even though it is a bit of an unconventional twist on an octopus. I like the idea of an octopus for this season since so many international versions have it and the American one really needed it. It’s cool ngl, I was hoping for more of an authentic octopus tentacle thing instead of just the pants but it is cool regardless

Prediction: I think this is a male actor or singer, someone a bit older or someone popular from the 80s or 90s. I am in between like a member of Boyz 2 Men, Ted Danson, or Lance Bass for a dream cast.

First Clue: Cookie 🍪 dunked in milk 🥛

Rating: 8/10

7. Bull 🐂

Thoughts: I really like what Masked Singer did with the bull, making it look like a Spanish matador which is super cool and also ironic in a funny way. It looks really cool, kinda reminds me of the Dragon from season 4. I like it a lot tbh.

Prediction: I think this might be a male actor or musician… I am thinking similar my prediction to Octopus, either older or popular from the 80s-90s. Again, dream cast wise, I would say someone from Boyz 2 Men, AJ McClain from Backstreet Boys, or like a legend like Paul McCartney

First Clue: Lions and Tigers

Rating: 9/10

8. Queen of Hearts 🫀

Thoughts: It’s a dope costume, but the one eye and the mouth is kinda creepy looking tbh. I do like the idea of an actual heart with a crown being the Queen of Hearts instead of like a similar thing to Alice in Wonderland’s Queen of Hearts.

Prediction: Probably a female actress or TV personality (probably from reality TV perhaps), age wise I am not too sure but it might be a shorter girl. Dream cast wise I would say Liza Koshy, Nicole Richie, or Paris Hilton.

First Clue: Horses

Rating: 8/10

9. Baby 👶🏼

Thoughts: Damn, that’s a creepy baby and Masked Singer confirmed on Instagram that it was their biggest costume yet, which their previous biggest one was 7 feet, so a huge baby makes it even more terrifying like wow! However, having said that, part of me is pretty intrigued to see who the hell is under this mask. I’m sure they cannot sing tho…

Prediction: My mind straight goes to an male athlete because that would be so funny and kind of a troll on Masked Singer’s part… and that’s most of the big people we have seen thus far. So, dream cast wise, you are allowed to laugh at me but my mind immediately went to Shaq (Shaquille O’Neal) because he’s huge and if you are gonna go big for someone, it would be for Shaq.

First Clue: "This pacifier sucker never claimed to be classy, especially when I get gassy"

Rating: 6/10

10. Beach Ball 🏖

Thoughts: Yeah, there is no way a human could fit in that thing, but it’s cool regardless… I also saw that it has two faces. That’s super interesting to me honestly, it reminds me of Snail from last season who ended up being a Muppet, so this is a bit reminiscent of that. I like it, this is the most intriguing one thus far.

Prediction: As I kind of hinted at in my thoughts, I feel like this is a Muppet or puppet of some kind, round two! There might be more than one puppet in there because of the two faces, but I am gonna assume one for dream cast reasons, I really want it to be Miss Piggy because it would be funny with Kermit being there last season.

First Clue: 2 band-aids shaped like an X

Rating: 8/10

That’s it for part 1! Stay tuned for part 2 for more costumes and predictions! See you guys then! 👋🏼

* This post was edited on September 13th to add the 1st clues from the sneak peak episode that aired on September 12th but even though some of my thoughts have changed (especially with Queen of Hearts), I will not be changing them and I can elaborate better when the episode airs *

[fruitcored]

hi king.. dreamyjaylen 12 perhabs

12- things you said when you thought I was asleep

hi thank you for suggesting this and also thanks for being patient while i procrastinated on this for almost a week <33 this is set in early season seven btw. also posted to ao3 here!

Sleeping through the night is out of the question entirely at this point, but this is the worst time to wake up. It’s not light out yet, won’t be for hours, but the city isn’t silent enough for Jaylen to fall asleep again. Judging by the ambient noise seeping in through the window behind the kitchen table, fans are already swarming in for an early Garages-Tigers game. 

Sometimes there’s the light patter of rain to drown it all out, especially this time of year, but tonight there’s nothing to keep her and her thoughts company. Nothing to pay attention to.

Jaylen used to think she was a shitty sleeper, even before everything. Now she could kick herself for whining over five hours of rest. It’s not about the exhaustion anymore– it’s about the loneliness. The physicality of the thing that never quite feels so bad when she’s got someone else to focus on. She can never get her mind to rest when she’s alone, and with Dreamy sound asleep in the other room, Jaylen feels more isolated than ever. Alone comes so easily these days, but the noise never leaves. There is no peace.

Even returned from the dead, there is no respite. Fucking figures.

Without even really thinking about it, Jaylen’s picking up her phone and scrolling to her contact list. It’s only once she finds her thumb hovering over Mike’s contact page that she realizes what she’s doing– more out of instinct than out of will at this point. But even if he could hear Jaylen now, he’s got no way of responding. 

Jaylen just wants to talk to a familiar face, no strings attached, and there’s not much of that going around these days.

All her teammates avoid her nowadays. Jaylen’s not naive; she sees them eyeing her like she’s some sort of caged animal, and nobody wants to be the one to toss her a slab of meat. They’re all scared they’ll be next. Which is fucking stupid– they all know full well she’s only hit players on opposing teams.

Anyways, she doesn’t think any of them would take too kindly to a late-night cold call. Duende offered Jaylen his number when she returned from the shadows, along with a hell of a lot of leeway when it came to missed practices. He told Jaylen she was welcome to call him if she needed anything at all. Still, he’s no Mike. 

No– that’s not fair to Teddy. Nobody could be. Regardless, calling him wouldn’t do Jaylen any good. She wants someone who’ll talk to her like a person, not like a captain. 

“Fuck it,” Jaylen grumbles to herself before pressing the dial button next to Mike’s name. She sits and traces the grooves of the wooden kitchen table while she waits. After five full rings of the dial tone, the line goes silent for a moment too long, and then it’s the same shitty little voicemail message in his shitty little Bellevue accent that Jaylen always teased him for.

“Hey! It’s Mike. Um, I guess I’m not here to pick up your call right now, which means I’m probably playing ball. I’ll call you back when I’m done, but in the meantime leave me a message. If it’s urgent, code word is knuckleball. Peace!”

Then she’s left to the silence of the message recording, and blood pounds in her ears against empty static. She’s only just gotten used to that feeling.

“Hey. It’s me.” Jaylen pauses for a moment like Mike could somehow respond, then berates herself for even considering the notion. “I… I don’t know. I just wanted to talk. To somebody.” Voice low, she curls into herself, suddenly self-aware.

She lets out a ragged exhale, just to get something out into the stale air. Just to fill the silence. “I didn’t know who else to call. I think most of me is still in there with you.” Begrudgingly, Jaylen lets herself imagine Mike listening wordlessly at the other end of the line. Like he’d shut up to save his own life.

“Nobody knows what to do with me anymore. You’d get that, I think. Everyone either loved or hated you. But with me… I don’t know.” Jaylen worries absently at a cuticle, and it doesn’t even bleed for a change. It’s long since stopped hurting when she does that. “It’s almost better when people hate me, or fear me– because at least they know what they’re getting into. There’s no sugarcoating it. They should be cautious, sure, but for themselves. Not for me.”

Jaylen imagines being around her is like standing too close to a fire. All of her feels crooked and rough and wolfish in a way that she’s never known before. She’s always looking to break something.

“I like it better when people are straightforward, when they can talk to me without acting like I might, like, combust out of nowhere. Even Dreamy looks at me like I’m delicate. I just want someone to treat me like a person, and she of all people should get that.” 

Jaylen doesn’t know when she got louder, but suddenly she’s hyper-aware of the dissonance between her voice and the hollow air on the other end of the line. She chokes out another shuddering breath, and the next inhale tastes hot and cloyingly metallic. 

The realization that she’s talking to an empty room does nothing for Jaylen’s confidence, but she presses on, softening her tone.

“I just… I love her so goddamn much. But I’m always afraid I’m hurting her, and she’s afraid to tell me. She doesn’t need to… to try and save me, or anything. Nobody needs to. The fans brought me back fucked up, and now they can deal with the consequences just like I am. I didn’t choose to come back this way, but I chose to hit all those players. Every single time.”

It’s true. And the worst fucking thing is that some hungry part of her needs that choice, relishes in it. If Jaylen could go back and live a normal life, she would in an instant, but here at least she means something. At least she’s useful. Whatever this game has put her through, it’s made her more real than she was before.

As for more alive. Well. 

“I mean, I deserve to be held accountable like–” Jaylen stops short at the figure in the shadows of the bedroom doorway.

Her hands shake as she sets her phone facedown on the kitchen table, and she tries not to sound too guilty. “Dream.”

Dreamy blinks, still bleary-eyed, and Jaylen curses herself for not thinking to put on a cup of coffee in advance. “Babe. You don’t need to, like, hang up. I don’t wanna interrupt.” 

“No, it’s fine.” Jaylen looks down at her hands. “I was... talking to Mike. Or his voicemail, I guess. I didn’t know who else to call.” When she glances back up at Dreamy, Jaylen doesn’t think she’s imagining the pity in her eyes.

Dreamy gives a quiet hum of understanding, already drifting over to stand behind Jaylen at the table. “Bad night for sleeping?”

Jaylen shrugs. “As per usual. Figure there’s no point in trying anymore.” She shifts to glance up at Dreamy. “How much did you hear?”

The ensuing beat of hesitation is just enough for Jaylen to feel appropriately self-conscious. Their shitty old radiator shudders to a start behind them. “A bit,” Dreamy admits. “I didn’t mean to eavesdrop, but. Thin walls. I couldn’t sleep either.” 

She sets a comforting hand on Jaylen’s shoulder, tracing a sleep-warm thumb over the back of her neck. Every touch burns a little bit, since Jaylen’s come back, and she shoves down that initial instinct to flinch away. Instead, she leans into the warmth. Dreamy takes a breath. “I’d always be honest if you were hurting me, you know.” 

Maybe a little too much doubt seeps through in Jaylen’s short sigh, because Dreamy repeats, “I would, Jay.”

“I know you would,” Jaylen replies, carefully measured. “I’m just afraid that I’m doing it without even knowing. I want to know how I make you feel.”

Dreamy nods in the corner of Jaylen’s eye, and Jaylen tries to focus on the soft pressure of Dreamy’s thumb skimming over her skin. “Do I suffocate you?” Dreamy asks, more vulnerable than she was a moment earlier.

“No,” Jaylen replies immediately. “You’re the only thing that grounds me, most of the time.” It’s the only thing she knows for certain. 

It takes Dreamy a moment to respond.

“I thought you were gone again when I woke up,” she says, tone unreadable. The city buzzes on in the silence between them, already rousing itself slowly. “I thought maybe you’d been incinerated again somehow, until I heard your voice out here.”

Jaylen swallows numbly, and it tastes like smoke. “Sorry.” She wishes she could say more.

“Don’t be,” Dreamy murmurs. “Point is, I want you here. I don’t think we have a choice at this point, but you aren’t making me stay. I could leave if I wanted to.”

“Nothing is a choice these days,” Jaylen says. No matter how different life has become since she’s returned, things started changing far before that. Whatever life was before blaseball, there’s no turning back. None of it matters anymore.

It’s like she’s rotting away from the inside out these days, like she’s making up for lost time. It’s impossible to deny the blood pull at the heart of her, raw against the transience of her will. With every game, every wrong pitch, she becomes more myth than human. It’s all a balancing act, and Jaylen is losing.

“Right. So I just don’t want things to feel any more... wrong than they have to be.”

Jaylen laughs, hollow. “Too late.”

“Maybe so. But we’ll figure things out.” This time when she glances back at Dreamy, there’s none of that cautious reverence in her eyes. It’s softer, more familiar. It feels like a promise.

Sometimes Jaylen forgets she’s alive, like her body still doesn’t quite know how to operate. Every burning touch is a reminder of the way she’s spent the last five years. But when she looks up at Dreamy, Jaylen already feels more real. Dreamy is here, and Jaylen is too, and the tangibility of that makes it feel like it matters more.

[sethrine-writes]

Projections of the Forgotten, Ch. 1

Fandom:  Tiger & Bunny

Pairing:  Barnaby “Bunny” Brooks Jr. x Female Reader

Rating:  Mature

Chapter Warnings:  Ominous vibes

Fic Summary:  Racing against the clock, Barnaby must rely on the help of Kotetsu and the other Heroes in finding you, a woman who has been projecting herself into the partners' forced dreams.

Barnaby knew who you were...but he could not remember you, truly. Even so, something was terribly wrong, and he only had so much time until you became nothing more than a mere memory of a dream.

A/N:  A T&B reader-insert fic? In this day and age? It's more likely than you think. Can't thank my friend, @kyarymell, enough for introducing me to this anime. I can't believe I missed out on it, back in the day! Anyways, here's to hoping there's still some fans out there who will enjoy this indulgent little fic. Enjoy!

------

Chapter 1 - An Ominous Walk in the Park

"Are you lost?"

Barnaby blinked his eyes open, unaware that he had even had them closed to begin with. He glanced up at the inky black sky overhead, not a trace of stars or the moon to be had, then began to look all around him. Confusion clouded his narrowed gaze as he took in his new surroundings of nicely trimmed trees and winding cobblestone paths, wood and iron benches illuminated softly by strategically placed lamp posts.

How had he ended up at a park, of all places? It wasn't a familiar place, at least not one he recognized in Sternbild. And it was so dark out...he was sure it had been midday only moments ago.

What had he been doing all afternoon, and why couldn’t he remember any of it?

"Hm?"

He turned around fully, eyes naturally falling on the only other individual that seemed to be within his proximity.

You seemed every bit engrossed in the dark void of sky hovering above the treetops, gazing intently at something that he could not see. It was a wonder he hadn’t seen you, at first, standing there beneath one of the lamp posts, the light acting as a sort of beacon in the almost unnatural darkness of the night.

Barnaby stepped closer.

"Excuse me-"

"Are you lost?"

He nearly startled at your voice, having stopped mid-step at the intense feeling of deja-vu that overcame him. That question...you had already asked that very question, just moments ago, yet he hadn't realized he had been spoken to. He wasn’t even sure he had realized you had spoken at all before that moment.

Barnaby still wasn't completely sure if you were truly talking to him, either, so focused you were on the sky.

"I believe I am, yes," he answered cautiously, taking a few more steps closer, but keeping a healthy distance between. "I'm almost embarrassed to admit I'm not entirely sure where 'here' is."

There was a pause in the conversation, allowing Barnaby to have yet another glance around the unfamiliar park, then a moment to better study you.

He was fairly certain he had never seen you before, your face and your voice not sparking any immediate familiarity in him. You seemed fairly normal, just from his first glances, but even so, Barnaby couldn't help but feel that something wasn't quite right. It was a nagging feeling in the back of his mind, almost as if he were forgetting something.

You blinked, a lethargic movement that seemed rather odd, much too slow. Your eyes continued to linger overhead.

"This is an unnecessarily dangerous situation for someone like you to find themselves in. You walked into something you shouldn't have, I'm afraid."

Barnaby's breath hitched just slightly at your words, finding a challenge between the lines of what you were saying. It was almost comical how quickly the Hero in him was on alert, expecting the tables to turn on him at any moment.

The park remained unbothered, quiet, eerily so.

Barnaby retained tension in his shoulders, regardless.

"I'm sorry, I don't think I understand what you're implying."

Your gaze finally left the sky and turned towards him, though it was then that  Barnaby noticed you weren't really looking at him, or anywhere in particular, for that matter. Eyes glazed over and almost dull, it was as if you were barely aware he was even in front of you at all.

"Let me escort you out of here," you spoke once more, though Barnaby was suddenly under the impression that you barely had any sense to what you were saying, "it's best not to linger in such a precarious environment."

He watched as you turned carefully, dazed steps beginning to lead you out of the light of the lamp post.

Impulsively, Barnaby all but dashed forward, reaching out and catching your wrist before you could completely slip into the darkness. It wasn't like him to be so brash, but something about the whole situation still wasn't sitting right in his mind. Allowing you to step away felt more dangerous than the impartial threat your words provided.

It felt as if letting you walk out of the light meant you would disappear, too, and he couldn't linger too long on the thought of why that was an issue without making his head spin.

His action caused another immediate sense of deja-vu, a small laps in memory hitting him so suddenly that it made his chest ache unpleasantly. He had done something like this before, perhaps not under the same pretenses, but he had definitely caught your wrist...and he was sure it was your wrist, the way the smooth, braided herringbone metal of your bracelet felt cool against his fingertips, creating a unique sensation nothing else had ever provided.

Barnaby knew who you were...but he could not remember you, truly.

The ache in his head and his chest was becoming insistent the longer he attempted to piece together just what exactly was happening.

You looked over your shoulder just as slowly as you had turned away from him, eyes unseeing for several long seconds. Then, as if the trance you were under suddenly lifted, you began to blink away the dullness in your stare, a light of warmth and confusion and recognition brightening your gaze.

A gasp parted your lips, and Barnaby tensed at the sound.

"Can...can you really-?"

"Hey, Bunny, come on...Barnaby, wake up!"

Startled, Barnaby bolted up from his prone position, immediately regretting the movement as pain bloomed across his forehead. He reached up instinctively and flinched at the sharper ache upon touching just above his eye.

"He's awake!"

"Goodness, Handsome, you had us nearly worried to death!"

"Here, for your head, de gozaru."

Barnaby blinked a few times, still disoriented from having sat up so suddenly, and took the ice pack nearly shoved into his face with a dazed thanks before looking around him.

He was on the floor of the training facility, though looking at his clothes, he hadn't been there to work out as he first thought. He had...he had been looking for Kotetsu, if his memory served him right. There was a matter about some upcoming interview he needed to discuss with the older Hero, and he'd been directed to the training facility.

The other Heroes -his friends- were knelt alongside him in a loose semi-circle at the moment, their faces showing expressions of both relief and concern for his well-being. Before, they had all been doing their own exercises, or conversing amongst one another, some having taken just a moment to greet him as he passed by.

Just slightly further to his right, he could see Kotetsu in a similar situation as himself, on the floor and holding an ice pack to his head. He, at least, looked much more put together in his own impractical way, cross-legged and grinning almost nervously as Antonio and Karina both hovered over him, glowering, yet worried, much like the others.

He'd been meandering on the treadmill, Barnaby recalled, stopping almost immediately at having seen his approach and rushing over just as quickly as if his partner had been waiting for an opportunity for distraction.

Everything after that was hazy at best.

As if sensing his thoughts, Kotetsu turned and caught his eye, his partner's toothy smile brightening considerably and becoming more genuine.

"Hey, Bunny! Thought you'd never wake up, there for a minute."

Barnaby blinked slowly, perhaps almost comically so, at the nickname before his brows furrowed in confusion.

"What happened? Were we attacked?"

Kotetsu's grin dropped rather suddenly, a mirror image of Barnaby's own confusion showing on the older Hero's face. He watched as his partner lowered the ice pack, reaching up once more to scratch at the back of his head in deep thought.

"Eh...I don't know. You were talking about some interview thing, and the next thing I know, I'm waking up on the floor! Think I hit my head on something on the way down."

"You idiot," Karina piped in, arms crossed and lips pursed, "you knocked out Barnaby! Probably overworked yourself and just headbutted him right to the ground when you passed out."

That would definitely explain the ache in his head, Barnaby surmised, but even with Kotetsu's penchant for accidents and acting as if things were alright when they clearly weren't, they had been standing steadily in front of each other, and Kotetsu hadn't shown any signs of overexertion, only boredom.

"Actually," Keith spoke up, catching everyone's attention and calming a near-shouting match in the making, "I saw what happened. You were both talking, and suddenly just started swaying in place before collapsing. It was the strangest thing, and stranger, still!"

"It really was sudden," Pao-Lin agreed. “You had us all pretty worried, especially since we couldn’t wake you as quickly as Tiger.”

Barnaby reeled at the information, perplexed.

"Well, glad we had you guys to save our tails," Kotetsu said with a grin, seemingly trying to diffuse the fuss surrounding them both, as he often did. "I was having the weirdest dream, too, about a woman in some really dark park."

"Wow, what a way to be creepy, even in your own dreams," Antonio drawled, Kotetsu immediately bristling at the playful accusation.

"It wasn't like that!" Kotetsu shouted, frowning animatedly while crossing his arms in defense. "She was acting weird, kept saying ominous things and asking, ah…"

"Are you lost?"

The question slipped out of Barnaby's mouth before he could stop it, prompting a surprised and somewhat startled expression from Kotetsu. Barnaby was sure he looked roughly the same, a little wide-eyed and ruffled at whatever was happening.

“Yeah! How, uh...how did you know that?”

"Believe it or not, I had the same exact dream."

All eyes were suddenly on Barnaby, shocked gasps and murmurs ringing out amongst the Heroes as he continued on a heavier note.

"I...I think I know who she is, but I can't seem to remember."

[swanqueeneverafter]

The Once & Future Queen Pt.1

Enchanted Forest. Past. King Leopold's Palace. (Regina sits alone weeping, looking down at the ring Daniel gave to her.) Regina: (Softly:) "Daniel." Henry Sr: "There you are. I've been looking all over for you. How are you enjoying your new home?" Regina: "You mean my new prison." Henry Sr: (Sighs:) "Oh, Regina. (Sits beside her:) It doesn't have to be." Regina: "I lost everything, Daddy. My love, my future. (Places the ring on her finger:) My happiness is buried with Daniel." Henry Sr: "You still have a future, Regina. You're Queen, that's every girl's dream." Regina: "No, it was mother's. My dream was to love, Daddy. True Love! And now it's gone." Henry Sr: "The King is a good man. Kind. Fair. You can learn to love him and his daughter Snow White." Regina: "No, I can't. I will never love again. And no one will ever love me.”

Storybrooke. Present. (Regina is seated on a park bench lost in her thoughts. Henry sits beside her not saying anything, just simply being there for his mother.)

(Seeing Alice approach from a distance, Henry gets up to meet her.) Henry: "Hey." Alice: "Hey. How's she doing?" Henry: "Inconsolable, as you can imagine." Alice: "Poor thing." Henry: "Yeah." Alice: "Look, I know this is going to sound insensitive and selfish, but do you have any idea how much longer she expects Zelena to look after Maria? I mean I get it, Zelena offered and loves looking after her, but with Maleficent gone and Robin pretty much in charge of the bar, she really needs her Mum's help. I’m there as much as I can be but, I love my job at the library and I'd hate to have to give it up." Henry: (Nods:) "I got it, don't worry, I'll talk to her. I should've stepped up sooner. Maria's my sister after all. I'll take care of it." Alice: "Thanks, Henry. (Looks over to Regina:) Give her my love, won't you?" Henry: "Yeah." (Henry heads back to his mom as Alice walks away feeling somewhat guilty.) The Dragon's Lair. (While Zelena rocks Maria in her arms, Robin works on her new drinks menu.) Robin: “There, finished. Do you want to try something from the new ‘Wanderlust Menu’? It's inspired by all the best drinks I had on my travels.” Robin Hood: (Leans over to look:) “Impressive list.” Zelena: (Also looking:) “Oh, is that an Indian drink I see?” Robin: “It is, and it's made with real rose petals. It'll blow your mind. Such a beautiful country. They have these sprightly trees called Arunchal Hopea. They went extinct nearly 20 years ago. People thought they'd make good fence posts.” Robin Hood: “That's terrible. But that's what people do. They destroy things. Having lived most of my adult life outdoors, I can honestly say there's no greater pest than humanity.” Robin: (Snorts:) “That’s odd coming from a legendary champion of the people.” Robin Hood: “Wrong Robin Hood, my dear. I believe you’re thinking of your father.” Robin: “Hm.” Zelena: “Speaking of fatherhood, don’t you think I look wonderful with a babe in my arms? Kinda makes you think, doesn’t it?” Robin Hood: “Uh... not really.” Zelena: “Oh come on, don’t you wonder what our child would look like?” Robin: “Um, hello?!” Zelena: “Oh, yeah. Sorry, darling.” (Robin shakes her head then goes to hang up the new menu.)

Swan-Mills House. (Ella opens the front door and finds Drizella and Anastasia standing there.) Ella: “Anastasia. Drizella. What are you doing here?” Drizella: “I'll tell you what I'm not doing. (Points to a box at her feet:) Carrying that any further.” Anastasia: “We found some old stuff of Cecelia’s that we don’t remember. We though maybe some of it belonged to you.” Drizella: “If you want it, you can take it.” Ella: (Steps aside to allow them entry:) “Come on in. It's nice to see you two.” Drizella: “We would’ve been here earlier, but I just carried a box full of stuff to your doorstep.” Anastasia: “Oh, calm down. I offered to magic us here.” Drizella: “Yeah, right and give you a chance to show off to Ella? Make sure she chooses you as her favourite sister?” (They walk towards the kitchen.) Anastasia: “Hey, I found the box to begin with. Didn't even get a thank you.” Ella: “All right you two, no one’s playing favourites. So, why are you really here? To talk about Mom?” Drizella: “Hey, we’re your family. You remember, that thing you were so desperate to find? Do you even care why we’re here?” Anastasia: “We came to see how you’re holding up. You know, it's been a week now since Emma disappeared.” Ella: (Dryly:) “Really? I hadn’t realised.” Drizella: “Woah, okay, tap your brakes, Ella. We get that you’re still processing.” Anastasia: “You gained two sisters and lost a mother-in-law on the same day. It’s a lot to wrap your head around.” Drizella: “Especially since you accused your other mother-in-law of murder.” Ella: (Smiles, despite herself:) “Yeah, well, everybody has problems.” Drizella: “Exactly, so quit wallowing in self-pity and take a look through this box we brought you. (Knocks the lid of the box off:) There could be something in here to cheer you up. (Pulls out a ragged looking doll:) Like this thing, for example.” Ella: (Stares at the doll:) “It...It’s Beatrice. (Reaching out for it:) I never thought I'd see her again. I can’t believe she kept this.” Drizella: “I figured she was second hand. I just had no idea she belonged to you.” Ella: (Pulls Drizella into a hug:) “Thank you, so so much.” Anastasia: “Our childhood seems like so long ago. Almost like another world.” Ella: “Mm. Exactly like another world in my case.” Drizella: “So, what does a girl have to do to get a drink around here?” Ella: (Wipes her eyes:) “Sorry, what would you like?” Drizella: “Well if we’re going to talk about the past, we’d better make it something strong, right?” Anastasia: “Drizzy, it’s eleven in the morning.” Drizella: “Right, which means it has to be five o’clock somewhere.” Enchanted Forest. Past. (Tiger Lily and Mulan discuss their options while Emma walks ahead of them.) Tiger Lily: "We could contact the Fairies, there's a good chance Blue and the others might have some ideas." Mulan: "I thought the time-travel spell had never been done before Zelena? Surely if the Fairies knew anything about it they'd spend most of their days going back in time to fix things." Tiger Lily: "That's true, but they could still help us." Emma: (Stops walking:) "We're not asking the Fairies for help. (Turns to face them:) Not only did they ruin Rumplestiltskin's life the moment he was born, but they stood by and did nothing while Regina's life crumbled around her." Tiger Lily: "But you-" Emma: "No! You above all know how the Fairies work. It's because of your actions that we ended up being stuck here in the past! If you hadn't taken Morgause away to be raised by the High Priestesses-" Tiger Lily: "Then Uther would've killed her." Emma: "And so this is better?!" Mulan: "Emma..." Emma: "We're trapped here in the past not knowing where or when we even are! And I've already been through this crap before!" Tiger Lily: (Calmly:) "I know. Which is why I'm not worried." Emma: "Of course you're not! You don't have a family waiting for you back home! You don't have a wife you love more than the air you breathe or a daughter you promised never to spend a day of her life away from!"

Mulan: "Hey! (Steps between Tiger Lily and Emma:) Back off, Emma. You're not the only one with someone they love back home, all right? Screaming at each other isn't going to achieve anything other than attract unwanted attention. So why don't we all take a moment to calm down, then think of a way to get us home." Tiger Lily: (Sees a carriage approaching:) "Quickly, hide yourselves." (The three women hurry from the roadside to duck behind some trees. As the carriage passes, a familiar face stares out from the window.) Mulan: "Who was that?" Tiger Lily: "King Leopold." Mulan: “Leopold?” Emma: (Amazed:) "My Grandfather." Tiger Lily: "Well, at least that gives us some idea of 'when' we are." Mulan: (Stares back to see the spires of the palace behind them:) "The Dark Palace. Do you think Regina's in there?" (Emma stares hopefully back at the palace, momentarily excited by the thought of seeing some version of her wife.) Emma: (Shakes her head, determined:) "Well if she is we're not going anywhere near her. I won't jeopardise our chances of returning home to our timeline by seeing Regina here in the past." Tiger Lily: (Smiles supportively:) "Good thinking. Since you've been in this situation before, we'll follow your lead." Mulan: "Agreed. So where should we go?" Emma: (Takes a moment to think:) "We head into town. We need to put as much distance between us and the palace as possible. Then we can find a place to eat and come up with a plan. I'm starving and can't think on an empty stomach." (With that, they continue down the long dirt road, Leopold's carriage fading into the distance ahead of them.) Plains of Denaria. Present. (A cloaked figure struggles to pull a horse cart along a dusty road. Four nights approach on horseback.) Sir Leon: “Halt! (The cloaked woman stops:) Stay where you are. (The woman sets down the cart handles as the knights dismount, Sir Elyan among them:) Where are you headed?” Woman: “The Seas of Meredor.”

Sir Leon: “What’s in the cart? (The woman says nothing. Sir Leon motions for the other knights to search it and the woman finally turns around:) Lady Morgana.” (Morgana uses her magic to throw each of the knights to the ground. She looks around, pulls off her hood and pulls down a blanket in the cart.) Morgana: “Are you alright?” Morgause: “Yes, thank you, Sister. But we must hurry. Night is nearly upon us. (Morgause turns her face towards Morgana, revealing a hideous deformity to the right side of her face:) And we still have far to go.”

Camelot. Council Chambers. (Sir Leon and Sir Elyan ride into the square and report to Guinevere and the Council.) Sir Leon: “The reports are true, Your Majesty. We caught up with Morgana on the Plains of Denaria.” Guinevere: “Was she alone?” Sir Elyan: (Shakes head:) “There was someone else.” Guinevere: “Morgause.” Sir Elyan: “We couldn’t be sure.” (A man speaks from the shadows.) Agravaine: “Where was Morgana heading?” Sir Leon: “To the Seas of Meredor.” Lancelot: “Isle of the Blessed.” (Agravaine steps into the light.) Agravaine: “I’ll send out patrols at first light.” Guinevere: “Thank you, Agravaine.” Sir Leon: (To Agravaine:) “Sire, you should know her powers have grown. Sir Bertrand and Sir Montague are both dead.” Guinevere: “Keep me informed of any developments.” (The councilmen all bow and exit. Agravaine and Lancelot remain.) Agravaine: “We knew she couldn’t stay hidden forever. Mustn’t live in fear, Guinevere. Camelot is strong. If Morgana were to act, we’d be ready for her.” Guinevere: “You’re right, of course. I’m grateful for your counsel as always, Agravaine.” Agravaine: “I made a promise to Morgana’s mother that I’d always be there for her, but this path she’s on now... The only way to save her is to purge Morgana of this darkness that has overtaken her soul.” (Guinevere nods and exits alongside Lancelot.) Seas of Meredor. (Morgana helps Morgause limp out of the cart in the foggy wood.) Morgause: “The Isle of the Blessed. (Morgana helps Morgause to the dock. A ferryman waits for them by a longboat. He holds out his hand. Morgause places a coin in it:) You know where we wish to go.” (The sisters huddle in the boat, the ferryman at the helm, as it glides across the sea.)

The Enchanted Forest. Past. (Tinker Bell and Regina walk down an alleyway. They stop outside of a tavern.) Tinker Bell: “Inside here, lies the beginning of your happiness. All the pain in your past will be just that. The past.” (Tinker Bell walks to a window.) Regina: “I just need a moment.” Tinker Bell: “You’re nervous. I get it. But look! (With his back turned to them a man is sitting inside:) That must be him. (Regina steps in to take a look at him herself. The man raises his right arm so that a waitress can refill his cup. A lion tattoo can be seen on his right arm:) The guy with the lion tattoo.” Regina: (Doubtfully:) “That’s him?” Tinker Bell: “The Pixie dust lead us to this tavern and it never lies. Come on, who else could it be? This is your chance at love and happiness. A fresh start. No baggage. You can let go of all the anger that weighs you down. Now, get him.” Regina: (Takes a deep breath:) “Okay. Okay, I can do this. I can be happy.” Tinker Bell: “I know you can. Go.” (Tinker Bell leaves. Walking back down the alleyway, she stops at the sound of her name.) Tiger Lily: “Hey, Tink.” (Tiger Lily steps into the light.) Tinker Bell: “Tiger Lily? What are you doing here?” Tiger Lily: (Smiling:) “It’s a long story. Come, we mustn’t be seen here.” (Tiger Lily leads Tinker Bell down a side street and out of sight.) Meanwhile... (Regina hesitates a moment longer outside the tavern, then opens the door. The man with the lion tattoo rejoices with a group of other men, sharing a drink with them. Regina watches the scene for a moment, then with overwhelming fear, she closes the door and flees. Regina rushes around a corner and bumps into someone, knocking them over.) Regina: “Oh! I’m so sorry, are you all right?” Emma: (Staring up at her, eyes wide, panicked:) “I... (Gulps:) I’m fine.”

[musicprincess655]

Ryuu wakes up a week after his twenty-fifth birthday with a fully formed frontal lobe, the remnants of dream that didn’t even have the decency to be wet, and an unfortunate realization.

“Gin.”

She’s already up, of course, sipping at a coffee, but then, she’s always been the more functional one. Ryuu would argue that it’s because she’s younger and therefore spent less time in the slums before their lives found some stability in the Port Mafia. Gin would argue that it’s because Chuuya raised her instead of Dazai.

“I believe I may have…feelings…for Jinko.”

She doesn’t look suitably impressed by the earth-shattering news.

“Do you want a regular cake or a cupcake tower at the wedding?”

Ryuu is so shocked by her lack of shock that he actually answers.

“Cupcake tower.” He shakes his head. “Did you hear me? I have feelings for Jinko.”

“It’s kind of too late to go back to calling him Jinko when you’ve been calling him by his real name for over a year.”

“I have feelings for-!”

“I heard you the first two times!”

“Then tell me what I’m supposed to do!”

“I don’t know!” she snaps, although she sounds more exasperated than mad. “Woo him? Marry him? Bear his weird tiger babies?”

“That’s physically impossible. Also, no?”

“I don’t know what you want here,” she says. “General dating advice wouldn’t work on you two.”

“Dating?!”

“Fucking hell.” She sounds so frustrated that Ryuu is sure she’s about to throw a knife at him just to get him to shut up. “Try talking to him.”

“No.”

“Then eat shit and die!”

Ryuu isn’t quite sure who else to ask for help. He almost goes to Chuuya, but considering Chuuya’s – arrangement? Relationship? – with Dazai, Ryuu thinks that might actually make everything worse. Whatever those two are doing, he doesn’t think it’ll work for anyone else.

So he takes the second option presented to him: he shoves those feelings right back where they belong and forgets they ever existed. Or tries to.

See, Ryuu is good at anger. He recognizes it in himself, knows now how to ramp it down or let it take him as necessary, knows how to use it, TED talk to follow. What is he supposed to do with something so much softer?

It should be easy to ignore. But like an amorphous block, the soft edges of the feelings squeeze out no matter where he tries to shove them down.

Ryuu doesn’t think Atsushi has noticed anything is off. He’s sure Atsushi would have said something by now otherwise. As an adult, Atsushi has all the observation skills of a detective and none of the reticence for sharing his observations that he used to. The new confidence is annoying, and has led to annoying things like Ryuu being forced to buy Atsushi food all the time, and in general, Atsushi is somehow more annoying than when he went running scared from Ryuu’s every glare.

And Ryuu has feelings for him anyway. His taste leaves much to be desired, and he needs to come up with some synonyms for annoying.

This systematic denial works for all of two weeks, and Ryuu is ready to celebrate the success of creating a new normal so seamlessly that Atsushi hasn’t even noticed they have a new normal, when it all goes to shit.

They don’t have quite as many people to beat into the ground to protect Yokohama as they did when they started their partnership, but every so often, a new group thinks it’s a good idea to disturb the peace. Ryuu and Atsushi, for their efficiency alone, are the best choice for dealing with it.

Some syndicate from Europe seems to think they have the right to expand into the Asian market, and they’ve set their eyes on the port of Yokohama for their first step in. They don’t have nearly the same aversion to city-wide destruction that the Port Mafia do, which makes this the Armed Detective Agency’s problem too, and, consequently, Ryuu and Atsushi’s problem. They’re in charge of stopping and containing a Gifted vanguard while the combined strategic might of Dazai and Mori deal with the rest of the syndicate.

It’s a tough fight, but Ryuu gets to let loose and use his Ability to the fullest. His deal with Atsushi to not kill is long since over, but he developed habits during those six months that he hasn’t bothered to shake, and the fight isn’t the bloodbath it could be. Still, when the last person raises their hands in surrender, Ryuu is almost gasping for breath. He may have learned to work smarter instead of harder, but working smarter is hard on him in its own way.

“Good work today,” Atsushi says, wiping blood from an already-healed cut off his mouth. Even after all this time, the praise still sends a thrill down Ryuu’s spine.

Then Atsushi lifts his head, and his eye are so wide, and he looks so happy, smiling without reservation at Ryuu, and Ryuu doesn’t know what his face does, but it must be pretty spectacular because Atsushi’s smile fades.

“Are you okay?” he asks. “You’re not hurt, are you?”

“I’m fine,” Ryuu says, turning on his heel to get away from Atsushi and the emotions he wears so openly. He needs to find a bar, one Atsushi won’t follow him to, and he doesn’t stop to consider the implications of skipping their post-mission dinner arrangement for the first time in years.

When Chuuya finds him, he’s getting systematically drunk.

Which, granted, doesn’t take much, He’s always been a bit of a lightweight, probably due to how severely underweight he’s been for most of his life. That’s not quite the problem it used to be, and one shot isn’t enough to take him out at the knees anymore, but he doesn’t even have to use his fancy mafia paycheck to get well and truly plastered.

“So I know I’m about to sound like a hypocrite, but it’s barely five,” Chuuya says, and while his words are chiding, his tone isn’t. Ryuu is still working on reading people’s intentions, but Chuuya has never been hard. He’s worried. “Wanna talk?”

“Stupid fucking Jinko and his stupid fucking doe eyes,” Ryuu mutters before he can stop himself. He’s had six shots. He wishes he had a better excuse.

“Oh, so it’s that kind of drinking,” Chuuya sighs. He raises his hand to catch the bartender’s attention, elegant and confident in one motion. “Whiskey for me. Water for him.”

“I’m fine.”

“Akutagawa.”

Chuuya rests his hand on Ryuu’s head, and Ryuu is almost ashamed of the way he leans into the touch immediately. Despite all the jokes even he himself makes, he’s not a dog. Still, to have someone touch him without even the intention of hurting him…it’s nice. It’s uncommon. It’s, perhaps, something that shouldn’t be so uncommon from a superior.

He’s so drunk.

“Do you want my advice?” Chuuya asks after the bartender sets both of their drinks down and Ryuu throws back half the tall glass of water.

Ryuu is silent for just a beat too long.

“Kid,” Chuuya sighs again, not angry or even exasperated, as is more common with him and Ryuu recently. He sounds faintly amused. “I know we’ve talked about this. You’re allowed to say no to me.”

“It’s not…” Ryuu tries. “I just…” He has to parse it into words, the fact that after Gin, Chuuya was the first he thought to turn to, and why he didn’t in the end. “I don’t know if I, necessarily, want the answer I think you’ll give me.”

“What answer do you think I’ll give you?” Chuuya asks. His hand is still on Ryuu’s head, pulling until Ryuu is very nearly tucked into his shoulder.

“Two options,” Ryuu says. “Something I can’t use, or something I won’t want to.”

“Ah.” Chuuya takes a sip of his whiskey. “You know I’ve had relationships with people other than Dazai, right?”

“That’s where the something I can’t use comes from.”

“So my relationship with Dazai is too fucked up, but all my other relationships are too normal?” Chuuya asks, summing it up entirely too well.

“I don’t think I can do normal,” Ryuu says. “I’m pretty sure he can’t either.”

“I can’t tell you how to fix that,” Chuuya admits. “If I knew, I wouldn’t be where I am. Which isn’t a complaint, by the way. I’m happy. But I’ll admit parts of my life are less than functional, and that’s down to choices I’ve made. That being said…” he gives Ryuu’s hair a little tug until Ryuu is truly resting on his shoulder, head momentarily stopped from spinning, “…I doubt Nakajima would kick you out of his life for anything at this point.”

“You think I should talk to him too,” Ryuu says.

“Gin’s smarter than you give her credit for.”

“She told you about this?”

“I just know she’s the only other person you’d tell about this,” Chuuya says. “You’re not actually that complicated.”

“I talk to Higuchi about stuff,” Ryuu pouts. He won’t admit he’s pouting.

“You’re not cruel to her anymore,” Chuuya says. “So no, I don’t think you would’ve told her about this.”

“I want another shot.”

“You should probably be done for the night,” Chuuya advises. “Listen. I don’t know how this is gonna shake out. I don’t know Nakajima well enough to guess what he’ll do. But I do know you, and I can tell you that you’re gonna be okay.”

“You think?”

“I think it would take another city-destroying disaster for you to not be okay,” Chuuya says. “And that wasn’t an invitation. I’m enjoying the peace. It’s good for business.” His phone chimes. “Your ride is here, and you’re cut off.”

“You called a car?”

“Like I said,” Chuuya says, getting to his feet, “I know you.”

Having a superior care so openly about him is still a bit of a new experience, and rather than try to examine anything Chuuya said, Ryuu just collapses into bed when the driver drops him off, hoping he’ll just forget everything by the morning. He doesn’t, of course, because that would be too easy.

Things were fine between him and Atsushi before, but suddenly, there’s a new tension. Ryuu panics, convinced Atsushi knows, but after a day of careful observation, he’s almost positive that Atsushi actually doesn’t. Atsushi isn’t shying away from the parts of their alliance that Ryuu, a few years ago, had reluctantly labelled as friendship. He doesn’t have a problem with their casual conversation, and their shared food arrangements have picked up again without so much as a mention of one missed.

In fact, the only thing that has changed is actually something Ryuu’s seen before, just not in years.

They’re friends now. Beyond just tolerating his presence, Ryuu does like having Atsushi around. He even has these new mushy feelings that make him a little sick to his stomach if he thinks about them too hard. But none of that changes the fact that sometimes, Atsushi annoys the ever-loving fuck out of him.

Snapping at Atsushi usually only gets Ryuu an eye roll now, or sometimes a shut up if he says something particularly spiteful, but ever since Ryuu bailed on dinner, every time he snaps at Atsushi, instead of the customary dismissal, Ryuu gets a flinch like he used to when they first started working together.

And seriously, what the fuck? He knows Atsushi isn’t scared of him anymore. For one thing, they’ve proven a few times that Atsushi can beat him into the ground if he wants. For another, Ryuu has calmed down a bit and Atsushi has stuck around enough to figure out how to exist in the same space without killing each other. They haven’t had a serious fight in years.

Ryuu can’t figure out what Atsushi’s sudden problem is, and doubly can’t figure out why it would’ve started after he skipped buying Atsushi food once. It’s almost enough to push the mush feelings that started this whole mess to a backburner, only surfacing when Ryuu’s eyes linger too long on the clean, lithe lines of Atsushi’s body, and he knows he’s not the only one who stares, anyway.

And then a new group surfaces. A remnant faction of the Guild that has apparently spent the better part of five years biding their time and preparing to take revenge on both the Port Mafia and the ADA. Since Ryuu and Atsushi were the ones to take down Fitzgerald, the faction prepared the most for them. From the beginning of an attack they only had the slightest warning for, Ryuu and Atsushi are methodically separated from everyone else.

They’re losing. Badly. Ryuu doesn’t know where any allies are except for Atsushi, and then only because Rashomon still has a tendril on him. Blood pours down his leg from a shot above his knee, and Ryuu resists the urge to favor the leg in case he has to run again. He ducks into an alley and slides down the wall, trying to catch his breath, get his bearings. He hasn’t had to legitimately fight for survival in a long time, and though his life has made him no stranger to pain, he’s not as young as he used to be, and his body protests when Ryuu tries to demand movement from it.

“Aku.”

It seems Atsushi has found him. Ryuu doesn’t even bother to snap at him for the nickname. Atsushi picked up the habit a few years back, saying Ryuu’s name was too long for him to yell, and Ryuu has begrudgingly gotten used to it, only putting up token protests now. He hurts too much for those, though.

“We have to get clear,” Ryuu tells him.

He heard some distant explosions he’d bet his coat are Chuuya, and where they find Chuuya, they’ll find the Black Lizard – they’ll find Gin – and they’ll find Dazai, or at least Dazai’s mind, talking through an earpiece and entirely out of the fight, safe where he’s most effective. Those allies would be enough to turn the tide, if only Ryuu had any damn clue how they could get clear.

“I have an idea,” Atsushi says.

“That is not your area,” Ryuu counters. He can’t help himself. Everything hurts.

“I know you’re mad at me, but trust me on this,” Atsushi pleads.

“I’m not…” Ryuu is so taken aback he needs a second to organize a response. “Why would I be mad at you?”

Generally speaking, he’s almost never mad at Atsushi anymore. If he is’ it’s a fleeting anger, gone as soon as he recognizes it. He has no clue why Atsushi might think he’s angry enough to revert their relationship back five years.

“Because you skipped dinner, and you made this face…” Atsushi trails off, and Ryuu…

His taste leaves so much to be desired. Atsushi is an idiot, all personal growth aside, and Ryuu realizes, with a degree of horror, that he feels something very close to fond.

“That’s not why,” he says, voice gruff, and he’s once again lost control of his face. Atsushi searches his eyes, and Ryuu sees the moment the truth dawns on him.

“Are you…?”

“You said you had an idea?” Ryuu interrupts. He keeps his eyes off Atsushi’s face.

“I do,” Atsushi says. “I need all of Rashomon.”

Ryuu instinctively holds his Ability closer. He’d given all of her to Atsushi earlier, a standard play when they’re in an all-out fight, but it only works when Atsushi takes all the hits. After he got shot in the leg, he pulled part of her back.

“Do you think you can hold onto me?” Atsushi asks.

“Why?”

“I won’t be able to hold onto you.”

“You’re going to get us both killed,” Ryuu accuses without heat. He can already feel himself relenting.

“Trust me,” Atsushi begs.

Ryuu does.

“I guess another trip with the world’s worst Uber driver isn’t the worst way to go,” Ryuu sighs.

Atsushi crouches in front of him, hands careful on Ryuu’s leg as he clambers onto Atsushi’s back. It aches, but Ryuu holds with both his arms and hopes for the best.

“Use Rashomon to amplify the jump,” Atsushi tells him. “And leave me plenty of slack.”

“Slack…why?” Ryuu asks, but Atsushi is already gone under his hands, replaced with a tiger. “Oh.”

Atsushi’s muscles bunch, and that’s all the warning Ryuu gets before they take off into the sky.

The tiger can’t fly, but the jump is so powerful, especially with the added strength of Rashomon, that it feels like a near thing. They soar above the building they’d been sheltered behind, over the heads of their enemies, and by the time anyone thinks to attack, it’s already too late.

“East,” Ryuu shouts above the wind. With the new vantage point he can get a better idea of where Chuuya is. Atsushi can’t answer him, of course, but he obeys anyway, touching down and running towards the explosions. They’re almost to relative safety when a strike from the side sends them both sprawling.

An Ability user approaches them, hands crackling with something obviously dangerous. Ryuu doesn’t stop to think. He just attacks, Rashomon rushing the man in furious tendrils. He pulls back at the last minute, and when the dust clears, the man is unconscious and full of holes, but still breathing.

Ryuu is just turning to see if he needs to pull emergency first aid skills out of his ass when he gets an armful of re-humanized Atsushi and a pair of lips hitting his own like a punch. He doesn’t even have time to respond to the kiss before Atsushi shoves him back by the shoulders.

“Wait, shit!”

Atsushi regrets the kiss. Atsushi regrets him.

Ryuu’s hand twitches towards the phone in his pocket. He can leave this all behind and start a new life. In Iceland. He can use the Duolingo app Chuuya made him download to learn the language. He’ll herd sheep. He’ll change his name to Sven.

“I was supposed to ask for consent first!”

“What?” Ryuu – Sven – asks.

“I’m supposed to ask for consent before I kiss you!”

This doesn’t…feel like rejection. Sven – Ryuu – takes his thumb off the Duolingo app.

“You’ve been thinking about kissing me?” he asks.

“I was…I mean…” Atsushi flushes red. “For a while now? I never thought you’d want me to, but then you did, and…”

Leave it to Atsushi to charge right through all the hesitancy Ryuu’s been feeling. He always has been the kind to leap before he looks.

In a better world, they’d have time to let this play out like a shoujo manga, time for them to gaze into each other’s eyes, time to work up to a kiss much softer and slower, something a first kiss deserves to be.

But it’s not a better world, and they’re still not safe, but they’re close enough to allies that they can make a run for it.

“We have to get out of here,” Ryuu says. He can already hear enemies approaching. Atsushi lets go of his shoulders, and they both start running, Ryuu limping on his bad leg. “And Atsushi?”

“Hm?”

“Buy me dinner first.”

Ryuu doesn’t watch Atsushi take that for the consent it is, but he knows the message is received when Atsushi reaches out to squeeze his hand as they run, letting it drop so they can move faster. They’ll probably have to talk this out when they’re safe, because Gin is right; they need to talk. But now they both know it’s not one-sided, and it’s as good a starting place as any.

In spite of the pain in his leg and his lungs, in spite of the danger they’re still in, Ryuu can’t help the grin that spreads across his face as he runs, Atsushi by his side.

[razorblade180]

Sunshower 8

A shower. A simple shower and a brief walk to the pond was all Ilia had left before the most awkward conversation in her life. No amount of White Fang training could prepare her for this. Expressing feelings weren’t something covered when training to be a spy. Maybe Neptune was right on the money about taking time to sort out her head before confronting the problem. A piece of her soul felt like it left Ilia’s body at the realization just how crazy that was to her. Neptune was right and she should’ve listened. He must never know. ‘Oh well. What’s done is done. Might as well appreciate the time I have before self destruction.’ She thought walking back to her house painfully slow.

Slow or not, eventually she found herself in the middle of the forest in front of an arrow sign pointed done with her initials on it. The ground underneath her feet was clear of any obstacles; just a perfect grass circle. Around her were tall, strong trees that shot straight in the sky with branches as thick as logs. One tree in particular had a branch that bent down lower than the rest and had small holes carved into the trunk. Ilia rested her hand on the sign and turned the arrow straight up. ‘Home sweet home at last. Well...mostly.’

Usually Ilia wouldn’t miss the chance to train her acrobatic skills but there was way too much on her mind to trust herself to not slip up. Instead off running up any trees or flipping from branch to branch, Ilia took the easy path and started climb up the tree with carved footholds in it. If Adam was ever good for anything it was his constant nagging about how houses in Menagerie should have at least two easy ways to get to. Multiple types of a faunus species might have to drop by for whatever reason and it would a real pain for a place to only be accessible by having a specific trait. Even a broken clock was right twice a day she supposed m.

Ilia reached a layed of dense foliage that was woven together with straw and covered the entire circle below; essentially blocking most of the sunlight from coming through. ‘Where is that stupid...ah ha!’ relieved to find the soft spot in layer, Ilia pushed her way through with easy and stood on the flooring. Infront of her was a giant hut. The roof was also made of a thick straw that allowed rain to run off it as it extended past the actual frame of the wooden house. Two windows were placed on each side of the door. Decorating the outside was always an idea she entertained but never did. The inside and the utilities was the more important part anyways.

The girl smiled when the gentle breeze from opening the door hit her face. To the left was a futon up against the wall with a silk blanket on the armrest and a rug on the ground in front of it. A small coffee table was a bit further away that held a tiger lily as the center piece. Up against the wall the door was on had a dusty entertainment center with a tv smack dab in the middle. Old movies were placed below it leaning against each other. The right side of the room had the floor made of harden clay since it was the kitchen. The only thing really in it was a wooden circular table in the middle, a fridge in the back that faced the direction of the living room, and from that ran a counter top that curved all the way back towards the door. It caved way into a sink a few feet from the fridge before being a counter again. Then was interrupted again by a basic stove with two burners up top that were about two feet out of reach from Ilia. Drawers held everything she needed underneath the countertop.

She’d be lying if she said wasn’t hungry but considering there’s someone waiting on her, bathing and thinking took priority. Ilia kicked off her shoes and moseyed straight down into the hallway and opened the bathroom door. Easily the smallest room she created for the soul purpose of allowing other rooms to be bigger. She was at the sink the moment she walked in. Passed it was the toilet and another few inches away was the tub that ran sideways. A sliding warped glass door was attached to it. The ceiling had an opening above it to vent out the steam she always made. Ilia found herself leaning against towards the full mirror on top the sink. Her hands curling against it and staring at her reflection in slight concern.

‘Geez I look this rough even after sleeping?’ The woman thought looking at how mess her hair was. Underneath her eyes were a bit dark but that’s the price of partying hard; even if she didn’t enjoy it. Well...most of it. She started looking at her hair tie before settling it down.

‘Last night really happened. It wasn’t a dream. I wonder how much Sun exactly remembers? How much do I remember?’ Soon her clothes fell to the floor as she continued to look in the mirror. The color of her skin slightly turning pink the more she recalled last night.

‘He...might remember seeing me, all of me. Is that good or bad? I remember all of him.’ That memory only helped to make her get pinker. “All of him...”

Her hands retreated from the sink and went to her hips. Bit by bit the entire picture was forming. Last night was getting vivid. She remembered the way he was looking at her; the way he held her. Ilia remember the way his fingers wrapped and pressed into her hips. The feeling was...new? No, that’s not quite the word. Foreign, it was foreign to her. Not to say that is was bad, just expected. Like everything else was last night was. The words they exchanged, the feelings behind them that accompanied tears and the embrace that came afterwards. Ilia wasn’t expecting any of that. It was nice. Sun was ni- “Agh! What does that mean!?!?” She shouted out loud before walking to the tub flustered and turning on the water. “A cool bath. A cool bath will calm me down. Everything will make sense when I calm down.” Water rushed out the faucet and filled the tub that gave another reflection to struggle with. This time she had noticed something she had overlooked the first time. A few spots on her chest weren’t spots at all. They were little bruises lightly peppered everywhere. She had forgotten her hips weren’t the only thing that got a fair amount of attention last night. She’d be flattered right now if she didn’t feel like she was about to die from her own memories. “Sigh, why is this the one time I remember everything!?”

xxxx

Sun:*texting* “Neptune! Aww you asleep yet!?”

Neptune: “We just saw each other...”

Sun: “I know, just have a question. What would you do in my situation? Follow up, what would happen if-”

Bzzz! Bzzz!

His phone lit up with a Neptune’s name in a face time. Sun immediately answered and saw his best friend with messy hair and laying in the hammock.

Neptune:.....

Sun:....Am I bugging you?

Neptune:No, just can’t believe this is happening. I’m usually the antsy one. Is this how you feel usually; calm and fine? I didn’t realize you had the best seat ever.

Sun:How do you deal with drama all the time!?

Neptune:Because I have you dude.

Sun:That was sweet and all but.....

Neptune:You are Sun Wukong. If you can handle being friends with Ilia after she stabbed you then you can handle a little awkward post sex conversation. I got your back but I don’t think you’ll need it.

Sun:Wow, thanks Neptune.

Neptune:No problem. Consider it me paying it forward. You were there with my major girl problem.

Sun:*eyes widened* Woah I didn’t think you would ever mention-

Neptune:Her name is still banned!

Sun:Should’ve guessed. Still proud of you.

Neptune:Yeah yeah, save that pride and turn it into confidence. It’s not like you’re on a time limit to think. Just don’t run into her and do something crazy.

Sun:About that....

Neptune:What did you....?

The embarrassed boy was about to answer before he looked across the lake to see the girl in question finally showing up. Her hair was still down and she wasn’t in her usual clothes. Ilia wore a plain white T-shirt and what looked to be gray track pants. Complete with black running shoes. Sun couldn’t tell if it was for comfort or a sign that this will end with her fleeing the scene. He was sitting on a pier that led to some pretty deep water after all.

Sun:I’ll call you later Neptune. Maybe.

Neptune:What does that mean!? Su- *disconnected*

Sun:*mumbles* Definitely going to be hearing about that later.

“Hearing about what later?” The voice said, catching him off gaurd. His tail perked up along with his swiveling head. He was surprised to see Ilia was standing a few inches behind him already. Was she faster than he realized or was he spacing out that much? Now wasn’t the time to think of it.

Sun:H..hey

Ilia:Hey *rubbing her arm*

........

Sun:Wanna have seat? If you know, you want to? Which ever is fine by me. Sitting or standin, hehehe not much of difference and stuff. *clears throat*

Ilia:*raises eye brow* Freaking out?

Sun:Oh you know. A little bit.

Ilia:Good. Means I’m not the only one. Today is....

Sun:Yeah, definitely. A real cluster of a lot of things.

Ilia:Exactly.

A few more minutes went by before Ilia finally chose between sitting or standing. Her feet inched up to the edge of the pier next to him. She thought about her choice one more time in her head before sitting down next to him; her legs dangling over the edge. The soles of her shoes grazed across the water’s sureface. Distorting the perfect image of the blue sky above. Ilia couldn’t bring herself to look at him directly but his reflection was manageable at least. What she saw was to be expected but surprising all at once. Sun wasn’t looking at her either. His tail was wrapped around his left wrist as he rubbed the tip.

Ilia:(I guess even the most social of people have their moments. Damn, really wanted to be the passive one here but looks like I’m going on offense.) Did, did I keep you waiting?

Sun:*turns around* Huh?

Ilia:Were you waiting here long? I kinda took my time bathing.

Sun:Oh, no it was fine. Too many things to think about to notice the time.

Ilia:Makes sense. There’s definitely a lot of things to think about. So.... wanna try thinking about them together? Two heads are better than one.

Sun:Sounds like a plan. Should we be facing each other then or-

Ilia:*red* back to back would be nice!

Sun:Oh......

Ilia: “Oh?” That not work for you?

Sun:It’s fine.

Ilia:Obviously it isn’t with you.

Sun:Yeah but face to face makes you uncomfortable apparently so I’ll deal.

Ilia:...... Well now I don’t want to do back to back at all.

Sun:*chuckles* Oh my god...

Ilia:What?

Sun:Does this really matter? I was just trying to make you feel comfortable.

Ilia:Well I’m trying to consider your feelings dummy. Someone has to validate them unlike you.

Sun:What’s that supposed to mean?

Ilia:You just tried pushing the way you feel to the wayside like you did last night!

Sun:What else was I supposed to do!? You were having a horrible time. Are you trying to tell me you would’ve listened if I wobbled up to you drunk and depressed.

Ilia:OF COURSE! We’re friends! I care about your feelings! *stares at him*

Sun:....

The two of them locked eyes quietly. Sun’s face inspects the rigid expression on Ilia’s face. He’s seen the girl be serious. He’s been on the serious end of her weapon after all. This was different though. Familiar.

Sun:I think Neptune is growing on you.

Ilia:What?

Sun:He’s always getting on me when it comes to things like this. Guess you really do care? *smiles*

Ilia:.....*looks away*

Sun:Ilia?

Ilia:Shut up. *turns red* we’ll just look at each other through the lake. Sound fair?

He stares down at the water and notices the girl every so often stealing glances at him before looking away again.

Sun:This works.

Ilia:Why was back to back even a problem for you?

Sun:Why is your hair down still?

Ilia:Where...where the hell did that come from?

Sun:Oh I thought we were asking obvious questions. Discussing important problems gets harder when you can’t see a person’s expressions. If you can’t see them then words feel less honest.

Ilia:Don’t trust my words?

Sun:I don’t trust mine. I...have a knack for saying things that don’t particularly go perfect with what I’m trying to get across. Earned a few slaps because of it.

Ilia:Ouch. Who’s bold enough to do that?

Sun:Not many but it happened enough times to know I should tread more lightly with sensitive topics.

Ilia:Fair enough. Well if it means anything, you’ve been doing pretty well so far. Not just today but with last night at the party too. Thanks.

Sun:I wouldn’t exactly thank me for last night. Are we finally gonna talk about how it ended?

Ilia:I’m still on why you think you my hair is still down.

Sun:Ilia...

Ilia:Fine, fine, where do we even start?

Sun:Do you regret it?

Ilia:Right into the deep end I see. Good as any place I suppose. It’s the only real question I had time to mull over. When I woke up I was extremely shocked about the entire thing. I didn’t remember much at first and I’m going to be honest with you. Everything felt really shitty.

Those words cut deeper than Sun expected. His hands joined together tightly. A slow exhale left his body as he nods and stares into the water. ‘Can’t blame her.’ Sun thought to himself before the touch of Ilia’s hand landed on his shoulder. The boy glanced at her reflection to see it was as calm as the water it was on,

Ilia:However, I’ve had the opportunity to take a nap and a bath since then. Last night was definitely confusing, weird, and probably the most vulnerable I’ve felt since fighting Blake. It was also the first time since then that I felt genuinely comforted; you did that Sun.

Sun:So, we’re okay then?

Ilia:Yeah. No regrets on this side of the pier. Just a really, really unexpected story to tell one day.

Sun:Phew! Thank the Gods! *falls back*

Ilia:I’ll take that as you have no regrets either?

Sun:Most of my worries came from thinking I hurt you in someway. I can deal with feeling a bit of weird or uncomfortable as long as you don’t hate me. No way I could live with this otherwise.

Ilia:You really put others before yourself don’t you?

Sun:I wouldn’t say that. If I can make someone’s life better then I try. Accidentally making more problems messes with me.

Ilia:(I can relate.)

Sun:Next question. Are we...gonna talk about this after this conversation?

Ilia:Not sure I follow.

Sun:We ever gonna bring this up in casual conversation or Is this our secret?

Ilia:Do you wanna tell people?

Sun:Not really, no. I don’t want to pretend like this never happened either.

Ilia:Pfft you make it sound like I was your-.......

Sun:Hmm? You ok? *sits up*

Ilia:*covers face*......

Sun:......

Sun:You remembered I told you that last night was my first time?

Ilia:*nods* I can understand if you wanna push me into the lake right now.

Sun:Eh. It’s no-

Ilia:Don’t say it’s no big deal. That’s a huge deal! You only get one of those.

Sun:Wasn’t it your first time too last night?

Ilia:With a guy! I’ve been with women bef- how have I been with more women than you!? That’s insane!

Sun:*shrugs* We ran in different circles I guess. I probably shouldn’t be telling you this but you’re way more of chick magnet than Neptune.

Ilia:The girls here seem to be swarming around him like flies.

Sun:True. Doesn’t mean he’s slept with any of them. Neptune just gets a lot of dates.

Ilia:You’re lying....

Sun:Ask himself yourself at the party tonight.

Ilia:Wait, you’re partying again tonight?

Sun:Might as well. I was gonna skip it but didn’t really hangout with Blake last night for obvious reasons. I was hoping you’d back me up.

Ilia:Me?

Sun:Yeah you. Think of it as sort of a do over. I don’t mind the way yesterday ended but everything leading up to it was....a social disaster. *rubs head* Yang and I are on shaky ground. Eventually it’ll get back to Blake unless I can find a way to bury the hatchet. Who knows? Maybe things will blow over like this?

Ilia:Doesn’t Yang have a reputation for being aggressive?

Sun:All the more reason for you to have my back! Besides, don’t you wanna try putting your best foot forward in all this?

Ilia:Not really.

Sun:Wow...

Ilia:Did you forget I’m the one who had the mentality to brush off Belladonna problems and feelings for awhile? I think I’ll just stay home this time.

Sun:I can’t change your mind? You really want to stay home?

He was asking a lot of good questions. Anymore and Ilia might have to tell Judy that her detective promotion might get stolen. Staying home wasn’t the most exciting thing ever but faking fun was no better. Home had a bed though and no drama.

Ilia:Sorry, maybe tomorrow. I doubt this will be the only party. Let me know how it goes though okay? If they ask about me then just tell them I party too hard yesterday. Too much excitement.

Sun:Ummm out of curiosity, is that last part a lie or the truth? *blushing*

Ilia:Ummmm that’s uh. That’s definitely a question isn’t it?

Sun:*winces* F..forget I asked.

Ilia:Listen-

Sun:I get it. Definitely weird to ask. I was curious but we can leave that one alone.

Ilia:There’s just a bunch of layers to that. That entire moment is pretty jumbled. Peak performance was something neither of us were at. Not to say that you were underperforming! No you were...I thought.....sex was.... I don’t want to ask for an out, but could you kindly give me one? I’m digging myself a hole.

Sun:Hmmm. Don’t you have to go back home and rest up? I’m pretty sure you told me you needed strength for partying tonight. *smirking*

Ilia:That’s cheating! I don’t want that shovel!

Sun:I’m not saying you have to go to Blake’s house. Enjoy other things. Hangout with Neptune. He thinks you’re cool. After I’m done with my business then the three of us can hang. No drama, no weird conversations,just the three of enjoying the festivities.

Ilia:Persuasive, aren’t you?

Sun:So are you when you’re drunk and I can’t believe that just came out my mouth; was that too soon?

Ilia:Considering it’s been like ten minutes? Yeah it is, but I walked into that one. *crosses arms* I will party for three hours at most and this time there’s no drinks. Deal?

Sun:I can work with that. See you tonight then?

Ilia:I’ll be on the beach the moment three hours are up I’m gone, so you better make nice with Yang fast.

Sun:Please, making friends is practically my secret semblance.

Sun hit his chest before smiling proudly. Ilia couldn’t help but cringe a little at the remark but at the same time wondered if that was possible. The charisma around him did seem to be a bit infectious. Blake and Neptune adoring the boy was proof enough that he can find interests with people on opposite ends of the social spectrum. Ghira was the only one who seemed impervious to it but what dad isn’t wary of charming boys talking to their daughter? Especially in Blake’s case.

As much as she stressed over the talk, it was over in a fraction of the time she expected. Yeah there was a lot of things that could’ve been discussed further but not as important as what they went over. There’s time for that later. Right now she running on fumes and Sun had already got up and started to walk away. Yet there was one thing that gnawed at her thoughts a little as she sat alone. A thing that flustered her because of his idiotic question. Ilia was his first and he was fine with that happening, but was she herself actually good!? He hadn’t once commented on her performance. Ilia wasn’t sure if she actually wanted the answer. All she knew was she was tired of turning pink.

Part 7