#since as always i got nothing new
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“Have you posted any photos of Y/N?”
Ushijima blinked as the words from his best friend processed through his head.
“Why does it matter?”
“I mean, the two of you are together! Couples are always taking photos together and showing them off on social media, y'know! It’s like a love language all on its own.”
Suddenly, Wakatoshi is panicked. Is this something you wanted from him but never asked for the fear of sounding silly? Was he being a bad boyfriend because he hasn’t been taking to his Facebook to proclaim his love for you?
It’s an offhand comment Tendou makes to fill the silence between them. He was scrolling through his Instagram and shared a small observation. What he doesn’t expect is to gradually see his best friend grow increasingly active on his socials, uploading pictures from his travels but primarily ones with you in them.
He isn’t the only one taken aback; you too start to grow suspicious of Wakatoshi’s sudden, newfound love of photography.
He was hardly attached to his phone, especially when he was out in public. He did most of his work on his laptop when it was required of him and was rarely active on his social media. For the most part, he only ever remembered to check his phone for texts, emails, calendar reminders and the like before dedicating the rest of the night to winding down with you.
You couldn’t even remember the last time you had seen your boyfriend take a picture, yet suddenly he seemed to be very adamant on capturing all of your moments together. On dates, on away games you decided to come along on, even on simple walks through the park. You found it sweet that he seemed to be taking up a new hobby, and even more flattered when more often than not you were his muse. You can’t deny that his adamance on wanting “to capture your beauty” didn’t make you blush. But you could see the look of internal conflict on his face as he played around with his phone’s camera settings, his weird disappointment in himself when he deflates and tells you he missed a bunch of moments he could’ve captured.
You always insisted that it was better for the two of you to enjoy the moment, knowing that Wakatoshi feels the same. Yet the look of frustration only dulls a slight bit, a conflicting expression on his face as he mulls over both yours and Tendou’s words in his head.
“I don’t have much to post today.”
You blinked at his response to your voiced concern over this dejected look of his as you stood by a boardwalk with an ice cream cone in hand, looking at him as he stared distressingly at his phone. It was one of those times when Wakatoshi took you to see the sights in an area he was playing in, and the sun was starting to set under the horizon to conclude the eventful day of sightseeing.
“To post? Are you talking about your socials?”
He nodded as he continued going through the sparse amount of photos he did remember to snag, most of them blurry from snapping them on the go. “Tendou told me it’s a thing couples do.”
“Well, you don’t need to do it. Why do you?”
“To show you off. I thought you might’ve liked that stuff.”
Wakatoshi did not have any particularly strong feelings toward his phone or social media, but in general you know that he tended to only spend the amount of time he needed to on them. At best, he had no interest, and at worst, they were a harmful distraction.
So for your boyfriend to expand his online presence simply for your sake-- for your potential desires from him-- made your heart swell as you eyed his frown and brows creased in distress.
You laughed as you walked toward him, wrapping your arms around his waist, chin digging into his chest as you tilted your head up to look at him.
“You know that stuff doesn’t matter to me. I care more about you being in the moment with me than some silly Instagram post.”
And now that you’ve reassured him, this insistence of his to capture every moment feels a little silly. The bombardment of social media notifications from posting you hasn’t helped ease his anxiety either. He’s grateful that he doesn't need to prioritize it so heavily anymore.
This would probably be one of the moments he should be capturing right now, but Wakatoshi can’t bring himself to care. Not when he could be holding you and admiring your beautiful smile as it gleams up at him, big and bright. A camera could never do your beauty enough justice, anyway.
(He takes a photo a couple of minutes later as you greedily finish off the ice cream he bought you, with the chocolate staining the ring of your mouth and the sun setting into the harbor, and your bright eyes turned upward into tiny crescents as you smile in a bashful attempt to escape from Wakatoshi’s lens. He posts it. A camera could never do your beauty enough justice, but this was the closest it could get. Tendou tells him to quit his socials the next time they meet.)
#IS THIS BAD CHARACTERIZATION?! i just thought it was a fun idea#old ooold idea too#since as always i got nothing new#also i have not reached the timeskip yet.#is the haikyuu fandom still dead#haikyuu x reader#haikyuu oneshot#haikyuu fluff#hq x reader#hq fluff#hq oneshot#wakatoshi ushijima x reader#wakatoshi ushijima fluff#wakatoshi ushijima oneshot#ushijima x reader#ushijima fluff#ushijima oneshot#ushijima wakatoshi x reader#ushijima wakatoshi fluff#ushijima wakatoshi oneshot
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consumed with the urge to draw with ed holding cat. that's all
edit: metal arm wrong side bc canvas flip
#the legs look so fucked to me so cropped version first#edward elric#cat#I cannot explain#is it not self explanatory#probably bad to post this at 1 am my time but my impatience has always been strong and today is no different#fma#fma03#fullmetal alchemist#fmab#I really struggled with this and I still don't completely love it but I wanted to post something#it's been about a year since I first got BACK into fma#still into it lolol#fan art#anyway life updates... nothing really#I have been listening to hozier's new album for weeks and I saw him in concert which was awesome!#today I saw the PJO trailer and it brought me happiness#sketch#proportions are so fucked like I love edward's build but it really is hard for me to nail down#hope someone enjoys!
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Stranger_Things time to hit rewind. we're taking a look back on our time in Hawkins #strangerthingsday
upsidedownpictures have you seen Will Byers?
#i was just thinking about things we could potentially get#and i'm not expecting much obv#bc. still on strike + not filming#but a new kyle lambert comprehensive poster with s4 elements could be fun#but idk if we'll get another one of those#i'm just really curious what it could be#i'm always excited for st day whether we get something new or not tbh#i just love this show and i love celebrating it and talking about it#wild to think that it's been a year since we got the first ep title#and it's been nothing else until the pre-vis and funko pop shotlisting#st day#twitter
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i know that when carlo suddenly decided that he needs to marry guy made a whole list in his head n like had a deadlines n shit. like it was some kind of a task he needed to do
#whole fkin campaign. idk still not sure how it was but man was in his peacock era for sure#n it's like i need to find a wife i need to make it in 2 (or whatever) months etc etc#but its like a bg task n he didn't speak bout it w others. like he just said that he needs to marry#also idk if i mentioned this but i wrote lauretta/carlo first meet long ago n she was w her fiance#i just listened to “pretty music” again sorry. i like that uh governor or tf this character is#changes his behaviour from one woman to another so real. n that fkin “but im a lucky guy who gets to dance w u”#and “since u know what i need i'll even take your lead” <- fr like im sure lauretta screwed him for several times#just to see if he's really serious good old manipulations w men nothing new nothing superstitious#upd. he probably made a mind budget for this (i mean finding a wife)#n bout lauretta screwing carlo its like in this ukranian song Ти ж мене пiдманула ти ж мене пiдвела#but since he's a strategist he's patient (like i wanted to accent this quality sm i wrote#that carlo started thinkin bout taking moretti's place back in 1932)#anyway. “Challenge accepted” situation and idk fr for some reason when it's carlo eddie lauretta it's always bout playing#so lauretta started playing n he entered this play too. i don't even think he was exactly mad (maybe only for the 1st time)#at this point i have a clear image of how they met n their first dates (cringe word) n how he proposed#ie how it started how it ended. ending was fast i believe (deadline is approaching 🤯)#what was in between i don't exactly know but i wondered just now if he also screwed lauretta (i think yes)#bc i don't knooowwww frrr all this is so bout playing to me#but bout ending its like. boss fight (<- sex) game credits (<- marriage) ((speedrun))#also i was thinkin if he even ever met lauretta's parents (i always thought that no but idk)#can imagine lauretta calling carlo a good friend. i also hm ok#i started to write a comic like a month ago just bout falcone polycule n it starts w#carlo who says that he finally needs to get married n lauretta's mother askin (in a pushing way) why#her n her fiance still aren't married like girl tf. she jinxed it i guess#upd. carlo/lauretta is funny in my head bc right before marriage he did fell in love lauretta didn't but guy's profitable we'll take him👍#she did only after marriage i think bc it was the time when u can finally relief bc it's over#u don't need to think bout no yes no no yes yes will it work or won't etc#woman was able to fucking chill at last. she got the money sorry i mean the man#he's not runnin away let's finally look who the fuck is even this man. why he won't shut up bout astronomy can i get a divorce <- jk#but yeah “я тобi брехала” is so lauretta right after marriage to me (“i dont even know the color of ur hair”)
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I have Got to get more transgender
#100% секретный дневник левы НЕ ЧИТАЙ#transmasc#trans ftm#transgender#i like 2 say i'm very trans already but unforch i am Not Really. mostly boring ftm Guy Ever#so tempted to cut my hair again but my sense of what i look like is already so fuzzy i dont think it'd help..#want to dye my hair anyways. at this point i'd take whatever color i can get if not purple LOL#it's almost everything i could want and yet ... still me. still the same life. stuck.#soooo high functioning like you wouldnt believe EXCEPT istg i need an emotional support human who will guide me through tasks#such as 'pay with your Moneys Card at the Store'#or... idk that's it really. maybe go grocery shopping without feeling like i'm not meant to be there also#or like. exist in general maybe#reasons why not emotional support Animal: creature cannot understand capitalism. and also is not as necessary as a service dog specifically#idk! every time i come on here i fall apart (in text) and then pull myself back together for another day of ... this i guess.#i'm not even having like crying breakdowns or anything to go along with it i'm just held inside this shell of a body. typing away again#i'm soso tempted to make things worse. progress wouldn't matter anymore... at least maybe it would feel real that i'm like this#i wish my face fit on my body right. and also that i did not look quite so much like a vaguely gnc lesbian#like at LEAST let me look butch as hell but no. curse of sad hair & uncertainty#miss my little mullety thing from that brief period in october... miss my short hair from back in 2017 ...#just dont feel satisfied with what i am now. in general.#top surgery is literally Within my reach but i'm not sure about cost and i need to wait because of doing guard now......#my list of do i want t i kept for the past month turned out to be a bunch of maybes#partially cause i got sick. partially cause it stopped being shark week and i forgot about it#as always happens...#still unsure in my new(er) name. only heard it once#didn't feel the same way as with my old one? but idk. just don't know.#missing guard also but feeling conflicted about not having time for other hobbies...#since winter season is over i've had so much time to play guitar! that's insane! mostly cause i stopped playing for unrelated reasons...#just tired again. wonder if i need more sleep than what i always get. kind of restless.#there's nothing else to say i guess. just wish i could be a person the way everyone else seems to be.
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i started this year off wanting to change myself in a way that would hurt me but now i realize that was a shitty thing to do. but i want to do it. again.
#random thoughts#self-destructive tendencies for the win!! on and off since 2022!!#i've been trying to convince myself i am diseased when really i am not. there is nothing wrong with me.#because it is not severe. i have not been close to death. it's fine. in fact i often do the opposite of what i want#and fail myself every single day. but i want to make myself ill on purpose because without illness what am i.#saying there is nothing wrong with you because there is nothing wrong with you does not mean there is nothing wrong with you.#there is something very wrong with me. but i always want to fix it. but i don't. so i fix it. but it's not fixing.#it's making me better and worse.#might as well project some of this onto my favorite oc clemens because. he's just like me now. languages boy. with a strange childhood#my parents weren't surgeons. my parents got divorced like kristian's. but we haven't moved to a new country because of it yet.#i say yet because it will happen. but this is unrelated to my previous complications.#I WANT TO GET BETTER.#but i really. really don't. because if i do then nobody will believe me.#i wish i could just tell someone. but then they will think i am lying to them.#for now i shall sit in my bed and stare at the ceiling#and stare at the forever closed window and close my eyes as well#and when i open them it will be 12 days later and i will be purified#i love you marina abramović
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i am NOT looking forward to how bad my body will feel tomorrow morning -_-
#peach patter#been up since 8:40am and doing nothing but walking around the city between 10am and 4pm... WITH NO LUNCH#i did go to a bar for the first time ever tho and didnt even get ID'd (win? who knows)#AND i got a draculaura doll as a gift <333333 shes up on my shelf rn so cutes im so excited about herrrrr#even tho for some reason the new monster high doll hair feels so.. gummy? sticky?#do not remember old mh dolls having yucky-to-touch hair it was always very smooth nylon ??? at least the dolls i had as a kid
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-->While Victor was wrapping up with Shadow, Alice woke from her nap – I sent her to also get pumpkin spice waffles for breakfast (as they were the thing most likely to go bad in the fridge). Which she fetched from the minifridge in the greenhouse. Because why wouldn’t she. *shakehead* Sim autonomy sometimes... Anyway, I decided this meant she could help Victor in the greenhouse (as you could see, there was plenty to do), so once she was done eating and had put her dish away in the new dishwasher (and petted Surprise), I had her go help Victor with the weeding –
Which, uh, didn’t last long, both because Victor kept pre-empting her attempts to weed by hand with his vacuum, and because this is the point where the game started getting really laggy (just when it started raining in-game too, so I am mildly suspicious this had something to do with the weather. But I’ve had it rain in-game without tremendous amounts of lag before…). Oh, and because Alice suddenly got really tense because her werewolf instincts were demanding she go outside. *sigh* Werewolf instincts sometimes... I thus had her instead go clear a twisted tendril from Moory’s pen, then chat with the cow while Smiler took a break from Servo-ing to feed the chickens and clean their coop. Around this time, I managed to remember that Victor had a bunch of animal treats in his inventory and had Alice take a chocolate treat to give to Moory (resulting in her getting a bottle of chocolate milk along with the regular milk), and Smiler a pumpkin treat to give to white hen Leghorna so she’d lay an orange egg later. I always forget to use those damn things, so – here we are! Me using them!
-->And then, immediately afterward, Alice started showering in the rain. *grumble* Erratic Sims sometimes... I let her get on with it, as she WAS starting to trend downward hygiene-wise, and instead had Smiler try joking around with the rooster to give the chickens some attention. The rooster was not interested in their human humor today, though, so Smiler retreated to the greenhouse to chat with Victor – a decision made much more difficult by the fact that Victor was moving around a lot as he tended his plants (lot needed to be done in there today), and by the massive lag. *heavy sigh* I eventually gave up and had Smiler harvest their plasma fruit, poison fireleaves, and noxious elderberries before sending them back to the chicken coop to get the eggs (two hatchable – immediately sold – and three normal, which I ended up forgetting to put in the fridge, whoops). They then fed Toothy, and bred the Whirlyflower and Spotted Dirt frogs in their inventory in hopes of getting the Dirtwhirl frog they needed for their collection –
And to my delight, they did indeed get one! I quickly sent them upstairs to plop it into the right spot in their collection. :D They now just need a plain Heart frog and a plain Eggplant frog, and they will be DONE, yay!
-->While all this was going on, Alice finished her literal rain shower, so I had her collect her Delicate negative-moodlet-reducing bracelet from the charging grid and complete her Raw “find extra Simoleons doing chores” bracelet. Looks pretty good, huh? :) She then shooed Phantom the fox away from the chickens before chatting with the hens so they wouldn’t feel lonely – fortunately they were much more receptive to her today then Smiler! I then had her go and start repairing all the broken wind turbines in the wind farm (because, as usual, most of them were busted) while Smiler flew down and joined Victor in the greenhouse to start super-selling all the produce as Victor finally finished his tending and did a little evolving. And then knee-walked his way into the house for a desperately-needed pee, poor guy. XD Sorry, Victor – I didn’t realize it was going to take so long to tend all the plants today!
-->Around this time, I had to stop Alice from running in and lighting the fireplace again (seriously, shouldn’t YOU of all people not want to do that?), which alerted me to the fact that we had a visitor – Felipe Sisson, hanging out on the front porch taking photos of Shadow after being sprinkled by one of the local specters. :p While I wasn’t originally planning on greeting any visitors today, Smiler WAS feeling a bit thirsty, so I had them go out and say hi while I had Alice do some painting in the study and Victor (after having a bit of forbidden candy to boost his energy) work a bit more on the piano song that’s been sitting in his inventory for ages. Smiler and Felipe had a nice chat, with Smiler learning that Felipe dislikes yellow but likes blue and works as a Waterperson for The Other Sports Team. *nods* Good info! This exchange and a bit of enthusing about humanity was enough to get Felipe to agree to give Smiler a drink, and they happily chomped down on his wrist for a nice glug before sending him on his way. If only all human interaction were that simple. :p
#sims 4#the lazy save#victor van dort#alice liddell#smiler always#yeah I don't know WHAT was up with my game this session!#I've had laggy moments before but usually the 'go into the main menu and save' trick fixes them#not in this case!#I would blame the weather but#as I've said I've had it rain before in this save and nothing like this happened#and I haven't had such a laggy playsession since either#just weird#but despite that I got a lot done as you can see#very glad to see Smiler's frog collection nearly complete :D#just gotta get those last two frogs!#probably should send 'em down to Willow Creek at some point and look there#I suspect that's a likely place to find plain heart and plain eggplant frogs#and Alice's jewelry-making continues apace#I like this new activity it's fun#it just also runs up against the fact that my Sims wear a lot of outfits#that make it hard to see jewelry that they would be wearing#like why do some outfits remove jewelry but not others?#inquiring minds want to know!#(no seriously I am genuinely curious here)#and I've probably learned all that info about Felipe before#I remember the 'dislikes yellow' thing from the Valicer wedding#but hey whatever gets Smiler a drink#plasma fresh from the source is always better than plasma fruit or packs!#queued
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please forgive me, but I need to complain and over-share or my brain is going to explode please feel free to ignore
#I'm not doing well.#the last two places I worked (in a tourism-adjacent sector) closed. broadly speaking due to post-lockdown financial issues#for the past year at my current job I've been earning less than half what I used to. this was the only offer I got at the time and#I haven't found anything better since. this is not sustainable I'm barely making it each month...#I live with my parents and cancelled my health insurance I don't know how else to reduce my budget. it's depressing tbh#the solution is obviously to find a better job but that's just not happening and I'm beginning to feel discouraged.#I hate being negative it's a very unattractive character trait but I just feel myself slipping and spiraling#I know I should be taking short courses or volunteering to boost my cv but like when ! and how !#I can't afford to work less but I get home at 20h so even evening courses are tricky. I work every other saturday too so weekends are out#and like I do need to rest at some point you can't be depressed and burnt out that's a terrible combo#was looking at a dtp/typesetting short course and 1) I'll need a new computer that can actually run design programs#and 2) the course itself is like 2 month's salaries which I cannot realistically save right now#and yet I'm still ''over-qualified'' for entry level positions because I went to uni. well maybe that's just a polite excuse#because as interesting as my humanities degrees were they didn't equip me with any practical or marketable skills#besides being good at reading and writing. but AI can do that for free now so that's not helpful#I always thought I was reasonably intelligent but I cannot solve this puzzle. there must be a creative solution that I'm missing#but i feel so stuck and trapped#and at least once a week some poor soul stumbles in to the office practically begging for a job so I feel bad for complaining#a little truly is better than nothing#but thank god we elected more pro-business capitalists into government that really is going to be great for us workers (sarcasm)#also I should acknowledge#I am getting some déjà vu. I feel like I've vented about this topic before#the difference is. back then it was a potential concern. now the concern has materialised into reality and rendered the situation desperate
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there's something in the water that's specifically affecting green haired princesses who have purple eyes and also bpd (momochi and hiyori)
#I think I was able to show a new side of myself this time >< Please give it a listen” and doing spells on cheers to bless their dreams#even though both of her songs seem to be angsty and about her family#meanwhile hiyori the bitch was like#like with momochi there was her tweeting that the time for dreams is over (and yakouka possibly representing her current mental health)#and for hiyori it's her mental breakdown in accept my love#and also them brushing it off like it's nothing#like when the teaser dropped momochi tweeted something like#Life isn’t all about fun. There’s times where you feel depressed and like you want to cry.#When that happens it’s good to look at me. Because I’m the one who shines bright like the sun☆#it’s good to look at me. Because I’m the one who shines bright like the sun☆#Listen to my songs and follow the productions I appear in—#Just imitate me and smile! Since I always have a smile on my face!"#like girl the song was you spiraling over your loved ones becoming independant and no one needing your love even though she accepted that's#now her only role in life (to love and be loved)#like no one was concerned??? esp with the contrast with fantastic days#there's something poetic about her feeling she's no longer useful and her regression when in !! she suddenly became nicer with no explanati#and also her getting 0 song event 4*s and that eden is no longer relying on her (legit did nothing important in most of the eden events)#including ss finals with the dumbass oracles like the story was fucking boring and gatekeeper legit got more importance than tori and hiyor#anyway happy bday to my beautiful princess with a disorder#they should lock momochi and hiyori in a room (they both would somehow take each other out even though momochi is built like a paper straw#and hiyori is not strong at all the heaviest thing she wants to carry is her chopsticks)#in an alternate universe hanae couldve been voicing momochi instead of yuu and it would make this post even funnier
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I’ll be fine, I just have to get it all out of my system (Patreon)
#Doodles#Spoiler alert: It has been got out of my system by this point lol#I had a bad writing day and it was terribly demotivating :P I've gotten over it lol#It was an Offline Monday and the previous several days had been such good writing days! To the point where I was worn out lol#But not recognizing that and expecting to just be able to Keep Going - well it led to a minor crash lol#Again nothing bad just complainy and demotivating I'm fine ♪#I am a little :/ about my devices being in the state they are that certainly doesn't help#My laptop's hinge and my iPod being so old and janky and my poor old tablet - still the main one I'm using lol#I think most of my USB drives are shot on this poor laptop so my new tablet that needs more than just the one just....doesn't work lol#It's a good backup to be sure tho! I do still kinda want a standalone proper-like... Investing in an iPad at some point is probably...#Well I'll worry about it more when it's an Actual Problem - for the moment everything is still working! Not the best but it's Doing!#Back to the writing et al lol - It was my Big Project which I think I've pretty clearly gestured at being an Adventure Time comic lol#I have not in fact rewatched the series beginning to end since finishing it - I've watched certain episodes but not just a front to back#I think a rewatch would be very entertaining! Seeing how all the pieces align from knowing the ending going in :)#But I'm good for the moment lol - I've got enough to work on to keep me going for a while yet haha#And as always I want More More More Tamagotchis#I've got my three but I want more!#Always about money huh :P Slowly but surely
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i miss when splatoon was fun. it feels like the whole game is just for super competitive battles all the time. which i mean, sure, i can deal with them pretty well. but it felt like splat1 and early days of 2 were more laid back, yknow? i didnt have to fight in such a hardcore way Every Single Battle. i could just have more relaxing matches and have some fun.
every time i play it anymore, i just get frustrated. it really sucks considering (consquidering) the joy it had brought to me previously.
also sometimes i dont want to have to git gud. sometimes i want to not do well and not feel frustrated abt it bc theres still fun to be had even if you arent the best. but it doesnt feel that way in this game.
#honestly might have to do w the rise in shooter games ? more people play them more often#so theres more people who are just naturally really skilled#so then chumps like me who just arent great at the game get steamrolled constantly.#and even if i do really well if ive got bad teammates its all for nothing#and i can appreciate a good fight even if i lose!#but for the most part its like. no youre getting spawn camped for 2 solid minutes.#mostly bc the new maps really suck.#anyways.#pikmin 4 is coming out soon. video games can be good :}#speaking of 4. i wonder if i would even be inclined to get splat 4 when we get that in the future.#i do love the story and characters and lore. so much#but since the game is mostly made for the multiplayer. it would be a waste of $60#to Not do the multiplayer part#ah well. theres always salmon run.
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So what’s new?
Currently on a travel crew working in the midwest and eastern usa. Lots of traveling and killing invasive plants. Also I have another job lined up (no start date yet, I'm betting in like 2-3 months tho.) Reading a lot, drawing like not at all (a little but I'm spending a lot of time outside or sight seeing before I move back west). ALSO WEST VIRIGINA HAS SO MANY FUN PROBLEMS OUT HERE THAT I CAN DO!!! Sandstone is wild to climb on, I'm used to granite and dolomite
#i have moved 4 times since i started and im working in like DC VA WV and I think I'll either be in TN LA or NJ next week but also who knows#as always dirtbag first artist second however it will back to fed first dirtbag second and artist third here soon enough#that is what is new so in all honesty nothing exciting#WAIT I GOT A NEW CRASHPAD THATS THE EXCITING THING!#ask#sandwhichjack
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i like keeping all my wips open because otherwise they go straight into "i forgor"-ville (population? everything im not currently staring at.)
my laptop fucking HATES it though. very unsupportive of you, bestie. wdym you can't handle the weight of 12 different overly ambitious projects at once?? massive you problem, you inanimate object.
#/lh#hi i know i haven't uploaded anything art related in THREE WHOLE DAYS#i know right? completely unprofessional of me.#/sarcasm#dont worry i know i have unreasonable expectations for myself. it's just how i have fun!#“aim for the moon because if you miss you still end up among the stars 🥴” except i am launching myself out a window with a firecracker#thus am impressed by any achieved elevation at all. idk metaphors are hard. you get it.#anyway just here to bitch and moan about my physical form preventing me from dishing out unlimited amounts of drawings#my physical vessel do be acting subpar as of recently. groan. hate it when can't get good am i right kids#new symptoms unlocked! randomly just. crashing? idk how to best describe it#“guess im on the floor for the next five minutes. love your ceiling btw very ceiling-y”#the social circle is lovely though they've really taken it (maoira corpse era) in stride im really happy about that#*maiora (i really should have chosen a fake name that doesn't make my dyslexic ass implode but it's funnier this way)#i got my blood stats results back tho! mayhaps the docs might figure out what the hell is wrong with moi???#i sincerely ✨doubt✨ it because the medical system always finds new ways to screw people over#groan#oh well literally nothing else i can do about this#the tone is lighthearted i am speaking lightheartedly im having a chuckle at my own expense for funsiez!!#wow i really appreciate you asking about my day! (yes. you totally *did* do that) how was yours??#/genuine question since you're still here reading my tags#fun fact! all my electronics are named Apοllo. all of them.#thanks for reading have a nice day take care of yourself buhbye!!#shut up maiora#anecdote anthology#gargantuan levels of eepy in me rn
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i'm so angry and heartbroken and i think this is all i will ever be
#no it's not pms :( Jeremy is still missing and i haven't slept well waiting for him#it's getting so cold too#all my ''''progress'''' this year means nothing to me#also my sister is here because she didn't have to work yesterday and today and my brother video called her not knowing she was here#and when she picked up he was all cheerful and happy and it sounded like they video call often#(he texted me only a few times when he moved to the north and not a single time since he moved to Argentina)#and when he realized she was here he sort of got quiet and asked if i was around and she pointed the camera at me which always makes me sic#so i didn't look or wave and i didn't say anything and he said “she's got he headphones on” and my sister said no lol and it was awkward#then she told him we are all sad about Jeremy and said me in particular#i've been so sad and moody and angry#i can't do anything because of this anguish i feel#can't read or watch movies because i can't concentrate#i watched the emperor's new groove the other day to cheer up a little but it made sad#nostalgia doesn't work for me when i'm down like this because i see through it lol and i remember i spent my whole childhood scared#i remember i was certain something bad would happen to me (and it did but not as tragic as what i was scared of)#i'm rambling. i should be journaling instead#...#Keanu is with me now and i can't even look at him without tearing up because i start thinking about Jeremy#it's so cold and he's probably hungry. if he's even alive#the cats are all i have. i spend more time with them than with the only 2 humans i can interact with without throwing up (mom and sister)#you know how they say cats mirror twhe personality of their humans :( Jeremy is exactly like me. my mom and siblings used to joke about it#he hides when people come over to the house:( he pees himself when strangers touch him :(#we have the vet come over so we don't have to take him out of the house#and the vet is the only person he's forced to see. he pees himself when she touches him too#i can't stop thinking about how he's doing if he's still alive because he gets scared so easily and he's so anxious#i'm so angry because i should go outside and look for him but i can't even picture myself out of this house#i feel so betrayed too. because one thing is my stupid sick head thinking there's no amount of therapy or meds that could work for me#but why is my family listening to me when i say these things. why don't they get me lobotomized or something#maybe it is a bit of pms#📓
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i wish i knew how to write. how to tell stories and show glimpses of other lives
#libra.txt#i have so many ideas. and i like drawing them. but i can't tell their stories that way#i don't do comics.#but i don't really write either. and when i try nothing turns out the way i want it to.#anyway. was thinking abt botw zelda. how she supposedly embroidered all the champions' garb.#and then i thought abt her meeting vilia and rhondson and got wistful#that's why my au zelda (dove) wears the cape she does. she embroidered it herself. using designs /she/ liked.#making something /she/ wanted to make. something pretty and useful and new.#i don't yet know how to embroider. i can do simple stitches but nothing fancy and no big designs#but i respect sewing and needlework. it's time consuming and can be labour intensive and people don't always appreciate the amount of effor#that goes into it. which i suppose is also a reflection of zelda's struggle with finding her power. but also i think she needs something#to do with her hands. that isn't related to research or rebuilding hyrule.#but something tangible with visible results as she keeps working on it#i think it could be rather therapeutic for her#and perhaps also cathartic. since her life was fraught with danger and intense emotions when she worked on the champions' garb#she so desperately wanted to be out there /physically helping/ and doing their embroidery could have felt like a slap in the face#maybe i'm thinking on it too much#but i still like the idea of her meeting rhondson and vilia.
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