#elprup does drugs

[elprupneerg]

Mid-breakfast-update: I was able to get up and go to the bathroom without feeling like screaming. I made myself coffee without having to think about how many steps it would take to get me around the kitchen most efficiently. I didn’t have to hold back any pain noises. Not even once! I was able to make myself toast with jam for the first time in weeks cuz the benefits (yummy cherry preserve toast) finally outweighed the costs (opening and closing the fridge multiple times, opening the jam jar, holding the knife to spread the jam, walking from the fridge to the counter and back).

I haven’t even taken my meds yet today. This is all based on the effects of taking my first dose yesterday, not spending yesterday in pain, getting a decent night’s sleep for the first time in weeks, and feeling so fucking optimistic because holy fuck I actually have energy. Things still hurt and I wouldn’t exactly be able to run marathons or anything, but the pain is wayyyyyyyyyy lower and I’ve got the energy to deal with the remainder. Still can’t close a fist, but I’m not exhausted from the attempt. It’s fucking awesome. If I were better at crying I’d be tearing up from joy right now. Because holy shit holy shit holy shit I haven’t felt this good (or at least this “not bad”) in Ages

[elprupneerg]

went out and had a big adventure today! i got some x-rays done at a clinic that's closer to me than my usual one, so i got to explore a part of the city that i've seen from a distance but never actually walked through. and then on the way back home i stopped at a coffee shop that i've been past a million times on the bus but have never actually been to and got a very very yummy cardamom mocha. throughout all this i got to see both very fancy things (big sports complex and a bunch of steak houses and nice hotels near the clinic) and very not-so-fancy things (a strip club with a church next door, one of the colleges in town having a big sign that brags about being a "leader in ai education" on the upper floors of a building while the lower floor is a former pizza place that still has a big sign up). as well as some very normal and happy things (river :D houses with trans flags :D a bee or wasp of some sort that investigated my jacket while i was walking but didn't sting me :D yay)

its been a very long time since i've had the energy or physical ability to be able to do this sort of adventure. literally this time last week i would not have been able to make the walk from the bus stop to the clinic, nevermind having the energy left afterwards to do all the rest of this stuff. i feel like my old self again. i'm able to pay enough attention to my surroundings to actually remember details about it to share later, and notice the interesting contrasts in what i saw. its very nice. i've missed feeling like me

[elprupneerg]

I woke up and didn’t want to end it all just to end the pain. Still sore, but not “suicidal intrusive thoughts have returned with a vengeance” sore. This is a massive improvement compared to the past month or two (it was lowkey starting to get scary how often I was having those thoughts come back. I’ve got ways to deal with them, but realizing I was using methods to keep myself around that I’d thought were put away for good once I’d started saving up to go back to school has not been fun)

Also, I think I’m gonna try and tag my medication adventures going forward with “elprup does drugs” so people can filter it if needed. Can’t promise I’ll actually stick with it but I’ll do my best. Also not sure how often I’ll be posting in there, but given my usual over sharing habit I’ll assume it’ll be quite a bit. I’m just really fucking excited to have treatments yall. Like holy fuck I haven’t had this much energy in months, it’s awesome