#silly things I make and other lives I lead
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Okay Iâm not even into trolls or anything, but that height analysis was pretty cool and interesting lol
Any more things you analyzed? (Or even a fun fact, idk, just wanna see people talk about things they like)
i've analyzed quite a lot but one thing i haven't seen other folks fully explore is the horrific living conditions in that bottle.
i know why it's not covered in film, cause again, this story is a silly musical comedy for kids! and if it were given it's full appraisal, the tone of the movie would be absolutely shot.
...
but like,,,, it's so dang bad in there my dude. it's SO bad.
like, in it's upright position, the diamond's base isn't big enough for floyd to lay down on, without cricking his neck severely.
so even when we see him drifting to sleep, he's sitting. minimum 2 months of trying to sleep sitting up. (against a cold/hard surface no less)
(he's also got an instant-wake response to . someone lightly tapping on the door. . .)
oh and also! the air in there has gotta be super thin, as there is but a single breathing hole at the top of it, not even as wide as a troll finger.
and that's ! when it's not capped off ! most of the time, it's got the spritz cap on, making it even harder for any air to circulate in there.
while we're at it ; since that's the only opening (no clasps, no grooves, no visual indicators that it can open via any other method at all, hence the film's conceit that the brothers need to hit the PFH to free him), i'm inclined to believe that it's also the only way to get food to him...
... which is to say you can have your pick of many terrible options for that. whether velvet & veneer tried to mash something through there, or have him sip from the world's worst gerbil feeder,
or they just. didn't feed him at all. and he's only alive because it's a magic world.
wHICH IS STILL SAYING NOTHING ABOUT HOW THEY ACTUALLY HANDLE HIM
plugging those excerpts cause. y. yeah... they're not gentle with him at all. bro is Bruised to all hell.
.... and none of this has to do with the actual core threat in the movie, which is having his core forcefully ripped from his body, leading to the whiteness and crystallization we see goin on.
in conclusion i need way more art/fics covering floyd's recovery okay? okay.
#its uh. what the professionals would say is. REAL HECKIN GNARLY#they called it torture in-film and dear lord they were Right.#hELP him....#joey babbles#anon#trolls#trolls floyd#long post#undescribed#do you guys ever think about how the first thing floyd feels when he's out of the bottle is a group hug from his brothers.#Man ....#trolls angst
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interesting but predictable how some of the inherent uncanny valley strangeness of bringing something that exists in the chronically online space into the real world can manifest. Iâve noticed this at all the other tours of theirs as well - some people can have a hard time separating internet behaviors from irl behaviors, and the sudden merging of these compartmentalized ways of being (online vs offline) can be hard to navigate.
I think it can also make people uncomfortable to see their comedic silly billie faves being serious, and thereâs a dissonance to seeing them, these characters who live on our screens, along with the audience around you who are typically just avatars and usernames shitposting in lowercase, all suddenly in the same physical room. And suddenly that often completely disparate, scattered, semi-anonymous community needs to adapt to social mores and group norms in a new social context. Itâs taking a community with its own set of rules that were designed for and in response to a digital landscape and plonking it into a completely alien environment. And yeah, weâre all humans who exist in public outside of our internet lives, but itâs different when that happens but youâre still in the context of the phandom.
Which I think is what leads to things like shouting out rly profane, out of pocket things during the quieter moments of their shows. because if you comment something like that online, you wonât rly be interrupting anything. you might be ignored, you might get some laughs, maybe youâll get a notice bc haha unhinged right. Or like treating an evacuation drill as a lol pass the tea yas mommy daniel moment instead of an oh weâre actually here in real life moment.
I went back to my tatinof review bc I remembered writing this - âsomeone behind me kept screaming at them to "GET NAKED" (particularly during silences in the 7 second challenge) to which everyone in my area responded with claps and laughter.â During my second TIT show, there were people around me who wolf whistled and shouted âkinkyâ and âayo ok freakyâ during totally inappropriate moments. I remember during Danâs quieter bits of WAD people could not seem to just stay silent. (I have suffered complete amnesia when it comes to ii so I canât speak to any part of that experience lol.) after the preshow and during intermission at tit, I heard separate people at separate times making a range of critical comments about Dan and Philâs bodies in ways that were downright shocking and not how I hope theyâd typically feel comfortable speaking about other humans.
I think on the whole, phannies are so lovely and kind to one another. I feel deep gratitude for this community. And I know this isnât just a phandom thing; I think how we treat one another in public spaces has generally really eroded, and concert etiquette has become abysmally poor. But phandom, as always, is a little unique, because of the sense of mutual understanding and the co-created dynamic between us and d&p. It dissolves the boundaries, so when Dan tells you to shut up, your online brain tells you thatâs just a chance to be funny with your fave. When you have a chance to be heard, your online brain provides a memey shitpost joke and your irl self shouts it out even though that ainât the move in a theatre performance unless invited to do so.
No real conclusion here, just some observations about the rly unique dynamic this all creates!
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âMy boyfriend Antoâ vibez || to what lengths must a girl go to just to get the chance to karaoke âCome on Eileenâ with this man?
#silly things I make and other lives I lead#a follow up to Calâs đđ#anthony boyle#mota#masters of the air#mota cast#irish actors#barry keoghan#nate mann#callum turner
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The Last Jedi AU: Ignore whateverâs supposed to happen or where people are in this movie. Paige Tico is foiled in her attempt to release the bombs that would take out the First Order ship. Her ship is boarded and sheâs taken onboard the Star Destroyer as a captive intelligence officer, but before sheâs captured sheâs able to relay a covert message to Rose telling her what happened.
Instead of the diversion to Canto Bight, Rose is the one with the knowledge of splicing into Imperial ships and she and Finn impulsively plan to jet over to the Star Destroyer in an escape pod Rose had been experimenting with a cloaking device on, the two of them breaking in on their own.
Finn finds Poe to tell him of Paigeâs capture and his and Roseâs plan. Poe knows that he canât condone or contribute resources to it and knows for a FACT Leia wonât allow it, despite the fact Paige is a friend and the same rank he is. Heâs torn between getting her back but needing to stay and lead, so he he tells them to take BB-8 and does that Mr. Incredible thing where he tells Finn and Rose what âNOTâ to do to get into an Imperial flagship, him planning the distraction from the outside and still screwing with Hux over the comms and keeping eyes turned his way as Finn and Rose sneak onboard to find Paige.
Can you imagine if like they manage to get into some labs while theyâre doing recon and Finn senses something? Can you imagine him hesitating as they move, telling Rose they have to go back while sheâs hissing for him to keep moving? Her either hacking into the tech to redirect First Order troops away from their location, or going off to find her sister herself while Finn stays behind? Finn finding schematics and draftings alongside old codexes and scrolls before eventually coming to the humming, fractured kyber crystal in the next room, hanging suspended in midair above the equipment? Realizing as heâs digging through the odd mix of both scientific and semi-magical texts what itâs for, but that Ren hasnât been able to force it to conform to his needs, too unstable to be housed even in his own lightsaber? Finn starting to configure and piece things together even as Rose tells him theyâre running out of time?
As theyâre sneaking around, gathering pertinent information to the plot and finding Renâs plans for Rey and Skywalker, theyâre nearly caughtâ Surrounded by First Order troops and with seemingly no way out, Rose and Finn prepare for the worst, when all of a sudden one of the troops goes rogue and eliminates all of their fellow officers instead. Paige Tico managed to escape and had disguised herself, just happening to be lucky enough to run into them in the lower levels. Paige tells them of some of the other rebel prisoners aboard the ship she was planning to break out, and the three of them, finally united, start plotting their means off Renâs flagship when they overhear Hux in the corridor talking about Ren meditating in some inner sanctum with an order to be left alone with his own retinue on pain of death as he searches the Force or whatever for the location of Rey and Skywalker
Back onboard the New Republic ship Poe and Leia confer with the other generals as to what the Sithâs next move is going to be when they receive an incoming transmission from Kylo Ren himself.
As Kylo Ren and Leia Organa face off in what was to be their last confrontation, the tone and gravitas of their conversation somber, something flickers over the feed, and everybody on the New Republic shipâs bridge sees a blinding arc of light as one of the First Order troops behind Ren steps out of line and carves a blade of shimmering green in a downward arc directly behind him.
Outraged and caught off guard, Ren blocks the attack with his own blade, both lightsabers flickering with different energies, and as Finnâs voice shouts over the holo Poe realizes that not only has Finn given them an opening to hit Renâs flagship, he may have even been able to stop this war in its tracks.
#sequel trilogy#Finn#Poe Dameron#Rose Tico#Paige Tico#Kylo Ren#Leia Organa#star wars au#I justâŚâŚ.. did not like the plots of the sequel trilogy movies that I DID see#Havenât seen Rise of Skywalker#The other two just werenât good#The whole Canto Bight sequence was silly#The idea of trusting Benicio Del Toro was ridiculous#Poeâs weird storyline#Just. All of it tbh#Iknow it seems like I make a lot of âThis Character Lives! AUs but have you considered#Using characters more effectively in the beginning of stories can lead to more meaningful deaths later when you DO use that as a plot point#And like with this you can obviously be following Paigeâs escape and sneaking around the Star Destroyer in between Finn and Roseâs scenes#as well as Poeâs scenes#Idk what Reyâs doing. I thought the writersâ and directorsâ use of the OG characters was disappointing and ooc#So I donât⌠especially care about Rey if Iâm honest#Finn should have been the Jedi#and/or Rey should have been a Kenobi#âââOrââ a lot of things#Lot of ways you could have done those characters#hounds speaks
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I Continue To Adore Him Them Both, part 3 of 5
#seriously the best Choices couple ever#I think that they by far have the most well-drawn and three-dimensional dynamic#and that leads to this awesome situation where you can actually *feel* why they work as a couple#theyâre both solemnly devoted to each other while also bringing out each otherâs silly sides#they would die for each other if needed but would much rather live and laugh together#weâre not just *told* that they make each other happy â weâre *shown* it#and that does incredible things to my heart tbh#playchoices#choices: stories you play#the cursed heart#tch book 2#prince kieran#kieran x mc#screenshots#original post
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I love it when i accidentally stay up on the night im supposed to be catching up on sleep it totallly doesnt make me feel horrible all week long
#talk post#i love this blog i want to live here#I cant!!! i just cant!!! go to bed at a normal fucking time istg#but noooooo the wild grinders wiki no some stupid bullshit no one has ever cared about before#WHEN I DONT GET ENOUGH SLEEP MY MENTAL HEALTH GETS WAY WORSE!!!!! IF I DONT FIX IT WE ARE GOING TO GET TOO SILLY#(yelling at a mirror)#seriously bothers me tho that Im always worried about how intense my negative feelings have been lately#and im like âoh ill just get more sleepâ and then immediately fuck it up the next night making me tired all week#making me feel SO bad in the mornings and at night and increasing my paranoia and other such thoughts#and in trying to tune it all out just forget about it again leading to me fucking it up again#this is a bit dramatic its only happened 2 weeks in a row#but that feels like a lot because thats like 10 nights where i felt like i blinked and i had to wake up and go to school#and not only deal with my shitty social skills but the results of said thing#and also try to fight the thoughts that are like âthis shits pointless im not doing thisâ LIKE PLEASE pretend to be normal for one year#and also that one teacher i have who demands every students attention while he teaches like i already finished the work sheet shut it#like i do well in that class just let me do what i want im not being distracting like girl i have at least an 87 dw about me#PLUS most of the time im not even on my phone he just really wants me to look at the board but girl as i said I ALREADY DID WHATS ON THERE#i feel like i never get to relax but i do all the time so i dont know what i mean#i keep saying âits ok as long as i can bury all my thoughts and just keep going while filling what free time i have with things i enjoyâ#but things only work for so long#i hate the passage of time#anyawy erm wrong my guitar is in my mind (stupid ass guitar riff)#walks over to my bed and trips on the way falling asleep on the floor#ramble#hit post
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been almost 3 yrs and i am still struggling with the whole mikachi first meeting thing. bye
#for zl its something simple. i just saw cute fanart of it with another ship [ p sure it was someones 2 ocs ] and enjoyed the idea#i lost my black umbrella irl but tbf it doesnt really matter because i always fucking forget to bring it anyways. so sometimes i get caught#in the rain. so idk zl lends me his umbrella bc. fuck! heading in the same direction and is like hey loser . . let me help you . .#cue immediate heart eyes bc handsome stranger helped her. like Wow Yuo Are So Cool... âĄ#afterwards she mentions this interaction to her friend [ yun jin or hu tao .. unsure but they are both so silly so its hard 2 decide ] and#then they are like wait i know that grandpa you're talking about! let me set you up lalala theres this whole thing i'm lazy#i'll write about it Maybe bc i do want to write for my platonic f/os. and also cover all the [ firsts ] in my self ships#its just: i don't like feeling obligated to stick to things (like a series or theme or whatever) so maybe not. would be nice though..#nobody in this world is allowed to laugh at me i'll die#as for childe my plan was he breaks into her house and then shes like wtf who r u?!! they make eye contact and kiss + get married asap#no actually i truly dont know. zl's is slightly easier because he lives a mortal life. just chills#has connections with a lot of the liyue chars. literally just enjoying his retirement era now#ajax doesn't have many connections ( other harbingers but they dgaf about each other i think x ) and i just cant imagine that. idk#just fucking. bumping into him would lead to anything. maybe i should turn into a fish and have him fish me up and then i transform into a#girl and then we fall in love what do you guys think (losing my grip on humanity)#đ#mika ⥠ajax#mika ⥠zhongli
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Hmhmhm well we have to wrap up this season somehow despite it all
true
#Cannot wait for summer/offseason to be over#My school starts mid August and Iâm excited for so many things: offseason being mostly done + Econ being over + rereads + concerts + school#Yes I am that girl#Idk thereâs just something about the first week where youâre getting to know people and routines and how the year is going to work.#Also I have a regular work schedule/source of disposable income during the school year (I say disposable but I never use it Iâm a saver)#If I follow the routines everything will be ok#the time will pass anyway#I think thatâs how the comment went#But like Iâm also dreading the school year because I have to deal with so much college shit#Which means worrying about money and the economy#And making real choices that will affect the rest of my life#Last feels final and I know itâs not at least for the fic because Iâll be rereading and doodling and still living in your inbox /silly#It also happens to fall in with other lasts#And last firsts#I feel like this will lead to some assumptions about my age but you have a 50-50 change of guessing my class/year so whatever#Oh well!#amanda gets an ask#naws lufecargnu na#Oversharing in the tags tonight
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ăi hear you like magic? i've got a wand and a rabbit!
part one | part two
đ pairing: simon "ghost" riley x fem reader
đ tags: nsfw, size kink, inexperienced!reader, first time blow jobs, vaginal sex, rough(?) sex, riding, jealous ghost, some communication issues!
masterlist
reblogs are always enormously appreciated!
The problem with sleeping with a man like Ghost, youâre coming to realise, is that now that youâve experienced the reality of sex (and good sex) you canât stop thinking about it.
In the week following the night youâd spent together, you swear you can feel his phantom touch on your hips, your thighs, your back. It feels like heâs carved a space for himself inside of you, something youâll never get back â not that you want it back in the first place.Â
Realistically, you know that the whole âloss of virginityâ thing doesnât have as much to do with how youâre feeling as the fact that it was Ghost who had taken it. You had long bullied your hymen out of the way with your collection of silly dildos, but nothing could have prepared you for the scorching hot heat of Ghostâs massive cock splitting you open, or his clever tongue licking at you, or his thick calloused fingers rubbing torturous circles into your clit and fraying your nerves apart.
The worst part is, you donât know if anything is ever going to live up to the way he made you feel again. Youâve tried to replicate his touches, his rhythm, the way he had split you open, but your fingers are too small and none of your dildos can imitate the way he had worked you stupid. To your immense dissatisfaction, you donât even come close to coming again.
It feels like something inside of you has cracked open, and you donât know how to stop all of this new yearning, how to stuff it all back inside and pretend that nothing has changed.
The problem is that while you feel as though youâve been changed from the inside out, you donât think Ghost feels the same way. Maybe the most infuriating thing is that Ghost seems entirely unaffected. Other than a couple of lingering glances and knowing stares, thereâs no indication that he had done anything more intimate with you than grappling at training.Â
All you can do is attempt to follow his lead, to be as casual as possible.
Itâs harder than it sounds.
You find your whole body straining towards him when heâs close to you, though you try to keep cool. You fail miserably. You canât even look in Ghostâs direction without thinking of his big fingers hooked inside you, rubbing at your clit, squeezing at your tits. You can hardly look him in the eye without thinking of the way he looked when he was squeezed between your thighs with his mouth on your cunt, the way those big brown eyes watched as you writhed on his tongue.
And yet, you can hardly tear your eyes away from him. You look at him in a completely different light now. Heâs the first man to take you, the first one to touch you so intimately, the first one to make you come. Heâs still your lieutenant, but itâs like all of a sudden your eyes have been opened to a new aspect of him. Heâs no longer just your untouchable superior, the man whoâs always so cold and distant behind that death mask â now heâs the man who was gentle with you, the man who kissed you sweetly when he took your virginity, the man who gave you the first, second, third orgasm of your life.
But despite the way you had been offered that new little glimpse into Ghost, he still remains an enigma to you.Â
You can feel his eyes on you throughout the week, though itâs never at the same time as when youâre looking at him. And maybe youâre imagining it, but it seems as though heâs gotten freer with his touches, too. A big palm on the small of your back as he steps past you, a quick squeeze to the shoulder. Itâs subtle, and you canât be sure that heâs actually touching you anymore than usual.
But other than the subtle glances and the light touches, Ghost doesnât make any genuine effort to approach you again. He still treats you like just another member of the squad, no different to Soap or Gaz.Â
If anything, he gives them more attention than he gives you, delivering his deadpan jokes and exchanging quips during training. You end up standing to the side, sending infrequent glances their way in the hopes that heâll give you something.
Youâve never been the fittest or the strongest, but your level of distraction in those few days following your night with Ghost is absolutely mortifying. Youâre slow, youâre clumsy, you mess up everything.Â
You donât think you can be blamed when youâre working in the same space as Ghost. You can hardly bring yourself to look his way when heâs lifting weights, unable to handle looking at the flex and curl of his muscles under his long-sleeve black workout shirt. It clings to him, letting you see every little shift of muscle and tendon beneath that stupid top as he works, and your mind very unhelpfully provides a slideshow of memories of him between your spread thighs.Â
You know itâs obvious. You glance at him, then glance away, then back again. Your eyes linger, bright and too interested, before youâre able to hide it. You wonder sometimes if your yearning is obvious on your face; you hope not.
But if Ghost sees it â any of it â he gives no indication.Â
If you have to be honest with yourself, youâll admit that youâre disappointed. You had hoped thatâ well. Youâre not sure you can bear to admit what youâd hoped, even just to yourself. It feels silly to admit that maybe you had hoped that Ghost wouldnât be content with just being your first, that maybe heâd want to be your second, your third. Silly. Almost blasphemous.
You donât technically have to show up to training, so after only two days of your awkward and uncertain pining in the gym, you stop showing up. The role you fulfil as part of the 141 is a non-combat one, so you know you wonât be missed in their ongoing training. Youâve mostly been working in communications; maintaining secure communication channels and ensuring that information is transmitted accurately and securely. The boys rely on you in the field, and you feel like you owe them a certain level of physical fitness just in case things go frighteningly wrong when youâre out there with them.Â
Thereâs just something so mortifying about the whole situation. It feels as though Ghost had peeled back the layers of you and taken a peek at your soft unprotected insides. Youâd been vulnerable in front of him in a way youâd never been in front of anyone before, in a way that you can hardly stand. You had thought that youâd been okay with it being a one time thing, but you werenât exactly doing a whole lot of thinking at the time.
So yeah, every time he glances away from you, or when he doesnât even bother to look in your direction at all, it feels like youâre being rejected anew. ItâsâŚ. Itâs not ideal. But youâre a big girl, and youâve dealt with repressed desire and stifled yearning for years now. At least now you have a real experience to add to your reserve of imagination the next time you try to get yourself off.
Itâs fine. You convince yourself that you were being ridiculous in the first place. Heâs Ghost, after all. You feel a little foolish for even having the brief hope that something more might happen between the two of you.Â
âââ シ ・ďžâ: .â˝ . :âďž
You manage to keep to yourself for most of the week, and the rest of the squad is kind enough not to say anything about it. But when Thursday comes around, you realise itâs not going to be possible to avoid Soap and his persistent insistence that you join them all in the moderately-sized cantina for drinks that night.
Truthfully, it doesnât take too much persuading to convince you to go. Avoiding training with the squad had resulted in a week of isolation that had left you lonely and wishing for some social interaction. Besides, youâve never quite been able to say no to Soap, and so youâre dragged to the little cantina for the second Thursday in a row.
To your absolute bewilderment, you find yourself in the exact same position as you had been in the last time you shared drinks with the squad, exactly one week ago.Â
Despite hardly speaking to you all week, Ghost had so confidently taken a seat next to you on the same fucking squishy little couch that you had shared last week. You end up partially squashed into the arm of the sofa, with Ghostâs massive hulking body brushing against you with every slight movement.Â
Itâs galling to admit it, but you feel like youâre on fire. He doesnât say much other than a soft murmur of a greeting when he first settles down beside you, but then he throws his arm around the back of the couch in a move thatâs unexpectedly intimate.Â
You try not to read too much into it. While Ghost may be fairly aloof and menacing to those that donât know him well, to you and the squad heâs always been subtly territorial. His eyes flick around the room semi-regularly, never at ease even in the middle of base. When Gaz goes to get drinks, Ghostâs eyes follow him until he gets back as though heâs expecting something to happen in the few minutes and couple of feet that heâs gone. He does the same when Price steps out for a smoke, and when Soap steps out to the toilet.
So the arm behind you (technically resting on the back of the couch rather than your shoulders) doesnât actually mean anything. The curious look that Soap sends you doesnât mean anything either, and you studiously ignore it as you force yourself to relax at Ghostâs side.
You drink the vodka soda Gaz hands you a little quicker than you mean to â maybe itâs because your nerves are already set on edge, but the alcohol goes to your head. Quickly.Â
Itâs a pleasant floaty feeling, and it eases some of the anxiety thatâs been bubbling thanks to the heat that sinks into your skin from his side pressed up against you. By the time you drain your glass, youâre leaning against his side. He doesnât react, for better or worse; you wish he would give you some indication of where you stand, whether he likes you bundled up by his side or if heâs just tolerating it.
When Ghostâs eyes finally slide over to you from behind the dark pits of his mask, you nearly jolt. His gaze is lazy and half-lidded, but he reaches out to take the glass from you. His gloved fingers brush over yours, and you canât stifle the embarrassing little judder that runs down your spine.
âSlow down.â He murmurs, setting the glass aside. âItâs still early.â
You had been hoping all damn evening that he would just look at you, but now that you finally have his eyes on you it feels as though youâre pinned down by them. You try not to squirm, once again remembering the way those dark eyes had watched you so darkly as he had hunched over you, rutting into you until the tears were streaming down your cheeks.
Your mind goes blank under his attention and his closeness, the ambient noise of glasses clinking and loud voices laughing and joking and muffled old eighties tunes fading to nothing until the sound of Soapâs loud voice brings you back to yourself.
âLet the lass drink, LT.â He crows, grinning, and you realise that he already has another couple of drinks in his hands. You hadnât even noticed him leaving for the bar. âShe deserves to have fun tonight. Donât you, bonnie?â
âSure.â You agree easily, relieved by the distraction and already reaching for the new drink. Youâre still all fidgety and distracted, eager to drown yourself in it. âI deserve fun.â
It feels as though Ghostâs gaze is burning right into the side of your head, but you fixedly ignore him. Heâs so intense, youâre pretty sure that you look like a dazed idiot under the weight of his attention. Itâs the most heâs looked at you all week, and you attempt to hide your face behind your glass as you take a sip of your fresh drink.
Heâs drinking too, though heâs foregone his usual whiskey in favour of a dark lager that heâs barely touched. The glass is sweating with condensation, and he swipes a thick gloved thumb over the fog on it absent-mindedly as he watches you.
You watch Gaz and Soap as they joke with each other, trading jibes and jabs and stories that you hardly even hear. It feels a little as though your ears have been filled with cotton wool, as though everything around you is just distinctly muffled. You feel like youâre on another planet, awareness tethered only by the hot, hard line of Ghostâs muscular body pressed against your side.Â
Over the last week, youâve tried very hard not to be a stereotype.
Youâve heard men laughing about girls theyâve slept with whoâve become too clingy, whoâve wanted too much, and wasted their time searching for something that those guys arenât willing to give. Maybe itâs because youâre so conscious that Ghost has taken several of your firsts, but youâre so determined to not be that person.Â
Ghost isnât exactly a big talker anyway, unless itâs the odd sarcastic comment or ribbing with Soap, so itâs not like youâve talked about the situation. You had just awoken the morning after with a deep ache in your core and a sore back, though the pain was soothed by the warm embrace you were all wrapped up in. You had been nervous, but you neednât have been. Ghost had given you nothing. He just rubbed your back with one shovel-sized hand and pressed a kiss to your bare shoulder (through the mask, so you donât know what to make of that) before he rolled out of your bed to pull his trousers back on, grunting that heâd see you later.
So, you donât talk about it. Not with him, and not with anybody. It feels like so much has changed, yet everything stays the same. The deja vu youâre experiencing from sitting on the couch drinking with him like this is overwhelming, and experiencing him staring at you like this after a full week of distance is making you feel hot and fuzzy and stupid.
While Soap is in the midst of a loud and enthusiastic retelling of a story from his basic training days, you build up the courage to glance up at Ghost. Heâs already looking at you, as though anticipating your attention.Â
âYouâre staring at me.â You mumble, your fingers clenching compulsively around your chilled glass.
Ghost shifts, and you feel the thick muscle of his bicep roll behind your head. He grunts in quiet agreement.Â
âYeah.â
He doesnât say anything else, uninterested in justifying or explaining himself. Itâs like he thinks that he doesnât need to; he just keeps watching you, his light blond eyelashes drawing low over his eyes as his head tilts.
Self-conscious under his intensity, you glance away again. Soap is still talking, but you canât focus. Despite the fact that Ghost is big and warm and so frustratingly attractive beside you, itâs hard to ignore the subtle prickle of irritation thatâs growing under your skin.Â
After all, he had taken your virginity and then proceeded to act as though nothing at all had changed between you for the rest of the week, and now heâs sat next to you with his gaze that heated? What the fuck?
The second drink goes down even easier than the first thanks to your awkwardness. Youâre not sure what to make of his attention â youâve spent the whole week keeping a sense of distance, determined to stay cool and casual. The last thing you want to do is freak him out by seeming like an over-eager idiot thatâs gone and fallen in too deep with him, unwilling to lose whatever meagre respect Ghost has developed for you since you started working with the 141.
âIâll get the next round.â You blurt suddenly, pushing yourself up off the couch.
Itâs too abrupt to be casual, and you pointedly donât look at the half-full glasses in your squad matesâ hands as you hurry away. You probably could have played that off better, but you need a moment to collect yourself away from Ghostâs relentless stare.
You take the opportunity to breathe at the bar, rubbing at your eyes and sighing. The bartender is busy, so you just stand there for a long moment, mentally chastising yourself.
God, this is just embarrassing. Youâre a grown fucking woman, and here you are getting so ridiculously flustered over your lieutenant. You never thought that youâd be the type to turn into a silly little mess over the first man you ever sleep with, but maybe it was inevitable. The little embers of that crush you had been harbouring on Ghost since you joined the team have been fanned into a full on flame and you hardly know how to handle yourself.
It takes a significant effort to keep your attention away from the table; you canât help but want to look, to see if Ghost is still looking your way, but you keep your eyes to yourself.Â
When another body appears at your side, you jolt in surprise. You hadnât expected to be followed, and your first thought is that it must be Soap. But when you glance to your side, you find a stranger standing closer to you than you expected.
Well, heâs not a total stranger. You know him to see around the base, sandy-haired with a too wide smile. You think he might be a second lieutenant, but youâve never actually had any dealings with him and you canât think of a name⌠Daniels, maybe?
âHello there,â He says, and even with those two words his intentions are unmistakable. His tone is suggestive, as is the way his eyes scan over your body. âHow you doing?â
Itâs far from the first time youâve been hit on by men; it comes with the territory of being a woman in a male-dominated environment. They look at you like they want to eat you sometimes, in a way that sets your teeth on edge. Youâve always danced around the subject of intimacy, embarrassed about your lack of experience and too anxious to actually seek out anyone to change that. What happened with Ghost was unexpected, and just about changed your entire outlook on sex and physical pleasure for life.Â
Your first reaction, as always, is to shut him down or ignore him. But something makes you pause, and glance back at him.Â
Heâs sort of cute. A charming smile, at least. When he sees you looking back, he only smiles wider and steps closer.
âLet me get this next one for you,â He says, gesturing at the bartender to catch his attention. âWhatâre you having?â
âUh..â You hesitate a moment, biting your lip. âVodka soda.â
He orders, then leans against the bar and turns to face you fully. His gaze is appreciative, and for once you donât shy away from it. You so rarely return male attention that you hardly know what to do, but you manage to muster up an awkward smile.
When the bartender returns with your drink, you feel a momentary pang of guilt. You had almost forgotten that you were meant to order drinks for the table, and you send a swift glance over your shoulder.Â
The boys are still engrossed in their conversation, hardly even noticing your absence. All but Ghost.
The lieutenant has half-turned, his arm still slung over the couch where you had been sitting as he stares. The realisation that his eyes are still on you has your spine straightening, self-conscious now about your posture and your body language.Â
You look away swiftly, and try not to feel guilty. Youâre not doing anything wrong, after all. He hasnât spoken to you all week despite the fact that heâd nearly done your back in fucking you.
Your experience with Ghost may have been a one-time thing, no matter what you might have been hoping for, but thereâs no reason that it has to be a one-time thing for you with anyone else. Even with your stupid vibrators and dildos, you havenât been able to come close to coming in the week following your night with your lieutenant. Youâre starting to wonder if maybe youâre not capable of coming without someone elseâs hands on you.
âIâve seen you around, been meaning to talk to you,â Daniels is saying, and in your distraction you almost miss it. âBut itâs, uh⌠itâs a little difficult to catch you alone.â
You almost scoff, but you manage to swallow it back down. You know exactly what he means; the 141 sticks together and looks out for each other, but it also sometimes feels like you have a couple of overprotective guard dogs. They take watching you seriously, probably due to your non-combat role on the team, and youâve never discouraged it because you like the way they make you feel safe.Â
âYeah, the guys can be a little protective.â You laugh a little weakly. âBut donât mind them.â
Even now, you can feel Ghostâs dark eyes burning into you from across the room. You wonder how on earth Daniels remains so unaware of it.
âMm,â Daniels leans in, his white teeth glinting. âCanât blame them, I suppose. Why donât you come and join me and some of the lads at our table for a bit? Spend some time with some new people.â
You shift on the balls of your feet, thinking. Admittedly, youâve never been big on socialising when on base, other than the usual minor exchange of pleasantries. You hardly even know what to do in the face of a manâs interest in you now.
âOh, Iâm not sure.â You demur, reaching up to scratch absently behind your ear. âI donât think the boys would appreciate me abandoning them for the night.â
Danielsâ smile widens, and you feel your cheeks heat. You feel clumsy with your socialising, as though youâre stretching muscles youâre not used to using. Since you had joined the 141, you hadnât done too much mingling outside of the squad; theyâve been your only friends and confidantes, ribbing and supporting you in equal measure. In the face of a stranger in the on-base cantina, you find yourself floundering.
âI think they get enough of your time,â He murmurs, leaning against the bar in such a way that his body is angled towards you. âCâmon, Iâll buy you another few drinks and we can get to know each other, huh?â
Maybe the vodka was a bad idea. Itâs lowering your inhibitions, making you actually consider his offer. Youâre pent up from a week of unsuccessful touching yourself, and you crave physical intimacy.Â
If you canât get a repeat performance from Ghost, then maybe it wouldnât be so terrible if you looked elsewhere, with someone who might be interested in more than a one time thing.
You glance down at Danielâs hands where theyâre wrapped around his beer glass. Theyâre big, with strong slender fingers and calloused knuckles. Nice hands, you think, but you canât help but compare to the enormous thick paws of your lieutenant. Still, you think theyâd do the job.
âWellââ You start to say, your tone wavering and uncertain as you consider his officer.
But you donât get to give him an answer before a massive hand settles on your shoulder. It makes you jolt, startled, recognising Ghost by touch alone. It feels as though it sears straight through your clothes, and your eyes widen.
For a moment, Ghost says nothing at all. He just stands at your shoulder, so close that you feel the muscle of his chest and stomach brush against your back, and stares at Daniels from over the top of your head. The glare isnât even directed your way, and yet you find yourself wilting from it.
âOn your way, Sergeant.â Ghost drawls, lifting his chin and gesturing at him dismissively.
Despite Ghostâs obvious intimidation factor, Daniels doesnât immediately do as heâs told. He huffs out a short breathless laugh instead, as though he can hardly believe what heâs hearing.
âWeâre only talking, Lieutenantââ
Ghost doesnât even respond. His glower just intensifies, until Daniels trails off and his mouth snaps shut. You get the impression that if anyone else tried to intimidate him just by staring and posturing, Daniels might actually square up and fight. He seems like the type to make poor decisions while drinking â maybe you were going to be one of them.Â
But as it is, Ghost has an intimidation factor unmatched by anyone else youâve ever known. It goes beyond his giant hulking physique and skull mask and low gravelly voice that can sound like a clap of thunder when heâs angry. Itâs like he has an aura, something that radiates off him in dark waves saying âDonât fuck with meâ. Any sensible person would back the fuck off when faced with his full, unwelcoming attention.
And sure enough, Daniels is no exception. He raises his arms to his shoulders and gives Ghost a mocking sort of smile before retreating backwards. To your mortification, he doesnât so much as glance your way even as he turns his back on you.
Irritation settles over you like a blanket. It makes your skin itch and your teeth grind, and you turn to scowl at Ghost.
âWhat the hell was that?â You demand, and your voice comes out sharper than you had technically intended.
Ghostâs head tilts, and those sharp dark eyes find you from behind the mask. The eyeblack is beginning to fade in patches around the inner corners of his eyes â bizarrely, it serves as a reminder that Ghost is just a man, not just a massive wall of muscle with a terrifying glower.
âWhat was what?â He says. His voice has dropped a notch, deep and rumbling into you even as you step away and turn so that youâre facing him head on.
âYouâ I was justââ You flounder for a moment, searching for words as you gesture uselessly with your hands.Â
Youâre indignant over his interruption, and your frustration grows as you find yourself unable to articulate yourself. Where the hell does he get off interrupting you talking to another man? He hadnât spoken to you all week, and now he feels confident enough to cockblock you?
âMm.â Ghost grunts. âWhat were you doing?â
Your jaw clenches. âI was talking. Is that a crime now?â
Jesus, you sound like a brat. You donât even know where this insubordination is coming from; heâs your lieutenant, regardless of that one night you had spent with him. Youâre being too bold talking like this, but itâs like you just canât help yourself.
His eyes darken, lashes blocking out his irises as his gaze narrows at you. You force yourself to maintain eye contact, to keep your spine straight and shoulders back despite your impulse to crumble.
âWatch that mouth, doll.â He warns, his voice low, and you feel your stomach tighten at both his words and his tone.Â
But your self-preservation instincts are still missing.
âYou canât ignore me all week and then get annoyed at me when Iââ
He cuts you off as though heâs not even listening to you. âNot here. Come on.â
And with that, he wraps one big hand around your upper arm and begins leading you out of the cantina. Heâs not harsh, and he doesnât drag you or anything, but judging by the tense set of his shoulders arguing with him would be a really bad idea right now.Â
Youâve pissed him off, and you donât want to make his mood worse so you allow your feet to move automatically as he leads you out of the room.
You can feel eyes on your back as you leave, and you feel yourself grow squirmy with embarrassment. No doubt the rest of the squad is watching you get hauled off by Ghost right now.Â
Oh god, the Captain is watching you get hauled off â how mortifying. You pray they didnât catch your little exchange with Ghost at the bar, but you have a feeling that hope is in vain. The 141 are close-knit and protective over each other, but theyâre also terrible gossips.
âLet meâ Sir, let me goââ You start to complain, testing his grip. His hold on you is iron-clad, and yet still somehow gentle enough to avoid bruising.
When you realise where heâs leading you to, you stop complaining very quickly. You had figured that he was just going to drag you into the corridor outside and give you a talking to, but he doesnât stop there. He keeps going, until you realise that heâs leading you all the way back to your own damn room
âWhat are you doing?â You demand in a hiss. Youâre so incensed that you swear your hair is standing on end.Â
After all that, is Ghost seriously hauling you back to your room like youâre a bold child? Is he angry because of your insubordination at the bar?Â
A cold trickle of anxiety enters your stomach, and you steal a worried glance at his face. The hard-shell mask he uses on missions has been traded for the softer black woven balaclava that he usually wears when heâs not in the field, but it doesnât make him any easier to read.
He doesnât answer until the two of you have crossed the threshold of your room, the door shutting behind you with a firm click.
Now that itâs the two of you, alone once again in your tiny shitty room, you find your indignant confidence waning rapidly. Heâs just so big, the huge masculine frame of him making you feel more ridiculous than ever for your momentary flash of brattiness. Even worse, having him in your space like this is only making your brain go into overdrive, as though your body remembers what happened the last time he was here like this.
You decide that the best defence mechanism to prevent yourself from looking like a fool is to cling onto those last little dregs of anger.
âYouâre unbelievable.â You snap, crossing your arms and narrowing your eyes. âYouâve been avoiding me all week! And then as soon as another guy speaks to me, youâre over to me like a light. I mean, what the fuck?â And then, remembering the chain of command, you add a very sullen, âSir.âÂ
Throughout your mini little rant, Ghost has just watched you. Thereâs something in his eyes that you donât know how to read, unable to get a feel for what heâs thinking through that inscrutable mask.
ââS not true.â He grunts after a moment, and you realise that his eyes have creased in a way that suggests heâs frowning.
You feel like youâre going to explode. âYes, it is! Daniels was barely speaking to me for two minutes before you scared him offââ
Bizarrely, your words make Ghost snort. You hadnât even realised how tense his shoulders were until he relaxes, and you stare at him in confusion as he steps past you towards your bed. Your anger fizzles out, leaving behind self-conscious confusion as you watch your lieutenant settle down so that heâs sitting at the edge of your bed with his legs spread wide.Â
âHis name is Davidson.â He says, and his voice is missing the somewhat dangerous edge it had only moments earlier. âAnd that wasnât what I was talking about.â
Embarrassment flares, though you try to stifle it. So you didnât know the guyâs name â whatever. You would have learned it by the end of the night, youâre certain. You open your mouth, defensive and prickly, but Ghost speaks again before you get the chance to.
âI havenât been ignoring you.â He says, watching you like heâs trying to figure you out. When you just blink at him, he sighs. âJesus, sweetheart, just sit down for a second. Tell me what I did wrong, yeah?â
Youâre left feeling a little wrong-footed, hesitating in the middle of the room. You had expected him to be a little angrier than this, to chide you for your behaviour. Or maybe you had expected him to be cold, or dismissive.
Slowly, you take a few steps towards the bed. He watches you approach, those dark eyes watchful and sharp, but says nothing as you nervously perch on the bed beside him.Â
Despite the fact that this is your room, youâre stiff when you sit next to him. Your brain is in overdrive, providing you with very unhelpful memories of the last time Ghost was on your bed and flooding your body with mortifying heat.
âYouâve barely spoken to me since weââ You canât bring yourself to finish the sentence, averting your gaze and staring at some point past his shoulder. âSince last week. If you wanted to keep it professional, thatâsâ thatâs fineââ
Ghostâs spine straightens, but he doesnât speak yet. He just watches you, and lets you flounder awkwardly as you struggle to articulate yourself.
âI donât want to make things awkward, I justââ Youâre tripping over your words, wincing when they come out all clumsy. âIâve never done this before, so Iâll follow your lead, but I donât understand the point of sending Danâ Davidson, whatever, away like that if youâre clearly trying to keep things between us professionalââ
Finally, Ghost speaks, though it seems like heâs suddenly developed incredibly selective hearing.
âHeâs a wanker. Chases around any woman that stands still for too long in that damn cantina every time weâre in there.â His voice is a low earnest rumble, but youâre too agitated to properly hear him. âHe didnât have anything to offer that youâd be interested in.â
âThatâs notââ
âBesides,â He cuts clean across you, but so gently, so much so that it surprises you. âI think we long surpassed professionalism when you asked if you could use my cock like a dildo.â
Blood rushes to your head so fast you feel a little light-headed. Right, so heâs decided to cut straight to the chase then. You swallow, and your dry throat clicks audibly.
âRight.â You say. âYeah, thatâ um⌠thatâs made things awkward, I suppose.â A brief pause, and then you sheepishly add, âSorry, LT.â
Ghost just watches you, his brown eyes inscrutable beneath the fan of his pale eyelashes. Under the dark fabric of the mask you see his jaw flex, as though heâs considering his next words carefully.
âCâmere.â He says.
You had been expecting him to say more, and you hesitate a moment before reluctantly shuffling over a few inches. Though he had invited you to move closer to him, youâre suddenly so conscious of crossing any possible boundaries.Â
You had never slept with anyone before, and you donât understand whatâs expected of you now. How are you supposed to act, now that youâve had a one-night stand with your lieutenant?Â
âHavenât been ignoring you,â Ghost says, and he reaches out to place a hand on your knee. The touch makes your eyes widen, gaze darting down to stare at his thick fingers where they wrap around the underside of your knee. âYou jokinâ? Been watching you all week. Thinkinâ about you all the time.â
Thatâs a bold enough statement that all you can do is stare at him in disbelief. You canât deny that heâs been watching you â you had felt his eyes on you regularly, but always from a distance. ButâŚÂ
âYou neverââ You start to say, before swallowing again so you donât say something stupid. âYou havenât spoken to me.â
âSpoke to you during training, before you stopped showing up.â
Thatâs a little galling, and all you can do is scowl.Â
âStop that. You know what I mean.â You snap defensively.Â
Maybe youâre imagining it, but you think Ghost might be confused behind that stupid mask. His head has tilted just slightly to the side in the same way as it usually does when heâs trying to figure something out.
âI was trying to give you space, doll.â He murmurs. âIt was your firstâ I didnât want to overwhelm you. Wanted you to make your own choices.â
The uncertainty in his voice is unexpectedly endearing, but youâre not ready to let go of your irritation with him just yet. Admittedly youâre losing steam, but you struggle to straighten your back and affect a scowl nonetheless.
âI didnât want space.â You say, and it comes out a little more childish than you had intended it to. You try not to cringe at yourself. âYou justâ we never talked about anything, you just woke up the next morning and left and then all week you hardly spoke to me.â
You curse your inexperience even as you speak, feeling like a total idiot. You just wish you knew what was expected of you, what Ghost wants. Was he put off by the fact that he had to guide you, fumbling and clumsy, through an experience that was absolutely mind-blowing for you but probably sub-standard for him?
And oh, that thought makes dread curl in your belly. What if Ghost wasnât impressed with your⌠performance? You had no idea what you were doing, only that the way Ghost had touched you felt so good, so much better than youâve ever managed to make yourself feel with your fingers or toys. And when he had brought you to orgasm, you had lost yourself completely. You hadnât made any attempt to return his attention, too lost in all the new pleasure you were experiencing.
Thereâs a pause, the silence between you stretching taut. Ghost doesnât rush to reply, instead apparently thinking hard before he speaks.Â
âI go for a run in the mornings.â He says at last, his voice low and rumbly.Â
It takes you a moment to process that.Â
âYouâ what?â
Ghost shifts, and the cheap standard issue mattress beneath the two of you squeaks. âThat morning, I⌠went for a run.â
He must realise how that sounds â maybe the expression on your face tips him off â because he hurries to add on to it. âCreature of habit, love. I didnâtâ I donât do this often either. I stayed the night, we cuddled. I thoughtââ
He stops rather abruptly, and doesnât finish so you donât quite know what he thought. Your confusion has gotten the best of you, and youâre staring at him in agitated confusion. God, heâs bad at communicating.
âShould have stayed.â He says gruffly, and if youâre not mistaken he sounds a little chagrined. âThought we were fine, until you started avoiding me. And then I thought you just needed time to yourself.â He gives a jerky shrug, clearly out of his comfort zone. ââCause it was your first time. Dunno.â
Oh. Well.
Now youâre the one blinking at him. Thatâs⌠not what you had been expecting.Â
While you thought Ghost had been giving you the cold shoulder, he had thought that he was being considerate. Jesus. Youâre not sure how to even begin processing that.
âI didnât need time to myself.â You say, and you sound pathetic.
Thereâs a beat of silence during which you feel thoroughly examined. Ghost hardly even blinks as he watches you, his scrutiny making you sweat.
âNo,â He rumbles after a moment. âApparently you didnât.â
You roll your eyes, honestly a little irritated with him. Even after itâs been made clear that your miscommunication has caused issues this whole week, heâs still so hesitant to just fucking talk to you.Â
âRight, wellââ You start to say, a little sharp.Â
He grabs at you before you can retreat, his enormous hand comically large around your wrist. Heâs not holding you harshly, his grip just loose enough that you could break out of it if you tried. But instead of pulling away, you allow him to tug you closer. His free hand reaches for your hip, and quicker than your tired mind is able to follow heâs tugged you up into his lap.
âJesusââ You blurt, grabbing at his shoulders for balance.
Ghost is built like a brick house, all thick and sturdy with all that solid muscle. Heâs broad too, and your legs are forced wide as he encourages you to settle in his lap. You try not to let your reaction show on your face, but Ghost is watching you so carefully that youâre certain he can read every micro-twitch anyway.
âLast week wasnât enough?â He asks, and if youâre not mistaken he sounds hungry. Maybe you could even delude yourself into thinking thereâs an undertone of hope, too.
But maybe thatâs a step too far. This is the Ghost, after all. Heâs veritably a human weapon, every inch of him battle-scarred and solid beneath the heavy clothes and thick mask. Youâre pretty sure that any kind of yearning you hear has been prescribed by your own imagination. But you canât help yourself.
You shake your head, your breath catching in your chest. No, last week wasnât enough.
âThen why bother with that idiot at the bar?â Ghost asks, his big hands folding around your hips. âIf you wanted to be fucked, you could have just asked me.â
You swallow thickly, your throat clicking audibly. For some reason, you hadnât expected him to speak so bluntly, but itâs typical of Ghost to get straight to the point without beating around the bush.Â
âI wasnât sure youâd want to do that with me again.â You say, your voice edged with insecurity.Â
Thereâs a long moment of silence during which Ghost just stares at you. Itâs borderline uncomfortable, and you find it difficult to maintain eye contact with him. Even with the mask acting as a barrier, heâs still so intense.
âWhat made you think that?â He asks, his voice low.
You find yourself quite abruptly aware of the position youâre in. Youâre sitting perched in your lieutenantâs lap with your legs spread wide, after a week of pining after him like an embarrassing little puppy. Youâve been craving physical contact, yearning desperately for that same kind of pleasure he had introduced to you ever since your night together.Â
âYouâre difficult to read.â You whisper awkwardly, shifting. Youâre hyper-aware of your weight in his lap; even though you know heâs strong, the thought of being too heavy for him is a little mortifying.
But his hands tighten around your hips, keeping you securely in place across his thighs.
âYou think so?â His voice is low, a little rough, and the gravel of it causes a little frisson of heat to trickle down your spine. âYou been trying to read me? Canât have been doinâ a very good job, darling, since youâve been avoiding me all fuckinâ week.â
Your breath comes out tremulously, and you pray he canât hear the shake in your voice when you speak. Judging by his darkening gaze, he hears it loud and clear.Â
âI justâ Didnât know if you would want me again.â You whisper, feeling foolish and inexperienced and clumsy.
Ghost watches you, his dark eyes flickering over your face, before he finally hums. Then his grip tightens around your hips and he pulls you so that your clothed crotch grinds against him. You gasp, your eyes widening when you feel the thick ridge of his cock in his tac trousers, unmistakably hard as your clothed cunt slides over him.
âFeel that?â He asks, his voice dropping into that deep, hungry register that youâve been hearing in your dreams all fucking week.
âYeah.â You choke, fighting the urge to grind on him like a fucking slut. If your hips twitch, just a little, you think you could be excused.
You are already intimately familiar with his cock, considering how eagerly he had fucked you open on it a week ago (several times, too), but the way it fills his trousers makes it seem ridiculously big and you wonder, a little wildly, how the fuck it ever fit in you in the first place. It presses against the seam of his trousers, right between your legs, and then Ghost grinds up into you and you swear your vision sparks out for a moment.
âOh!â You blurt out in a wavering whisper, clutching at his shoulders. âOh, god.â
âStill think I donât want you?â He grunts. His hands are like fucking shovels, and he takes a grip of your ass and squeezes until you squeak.
Your head is swimming. Your trousers are too tight, the crotch of them pressing into your clit, and you feel like you can't get enough air in your lungs.Â
âI donât know.â You say stupidly.Â
Itâs like your cunt knows that Ghost is near, because youâre fucking drenched. You can feel your underwear stick uncomfortably to you beneath your clothes, slick and wet as you feel the shape of Ghostâs cock press into you.
He sighs beneath you, his big palm stroking over your ass affectionately.Â
âYou think too much, doll.â He mutters, his finder squeezing into the plush flesh of your ass like itâs a stress toy. âWay too fuckinâ much.â
Heâs probably right. God, you want to stop thinking. Want to return to that stupid, dazed, fucked-out state of mind he had sent you to when he had stuffed you full.
Hesitantly, you grind yourself down onto the thick bulge beneath you. It feels good, that familiar pleasant little spark jolting up your spine as you hump yourself against him.
âYeah,â Ghost grunts, his voice thick with unmistakable want. âThatâs it. Youâve been wanting this, haventâcha?â
âYeah.â You admit, so quietly that itâs almost inaudible. âYeah, I want it.â
But Ghost hears. Of course he does. He lets out a low sound that has your thighs squishing closed around his hips, overwhelmed and running far too hot.Â
He has you on your back so quickly that your head spins, and you end up staring at the ceiling for a moment in bewilderment, trying to figure out how youâd gotten there. Ghost is already leaning over you, his dark eyes intent on your face as he settles between your thighs.
You think you should probably be embarrassed about the ease with which you spread your legs, eager to feel his bulky body between your thighs. But youâre already running hot, your chest tightening with want, and you find yourself mercifully relieved that heâs here. The miscommunication between the two of you is going to be solved, Ghost wants you, and youâre about to get what youâve been craving all week.
He pulls your own pants off effortlessly, leaving you in the underwear that youâve fucking ruined. You try to shut your legs, face burning hot with embarrassment as you try to hide the sight, but Ghost doesnât have any intention of letting you hide yourself.
He pushes your legs back open, then presses his masked face to the inside of your thigh. Youâre not sure what heâs doing; you remember, with a little thrill, the feeling of his red hot mouth against your pussy, but you donât think thatâs whatâs happening here because heâs still got his stupid fucking balaclava on.
âDid she miss me?â He asks, his words muffled by both the mask and the pudge of your thigh.
âWhat?â You ask breathlessly, thinking for a moment that Ghost is talking about you in the third person.
But then he nuzzles his masked face against the sodden seat of your knickers, and you realise that heâs talking about your fucking pussy.
âOh my god, you weirdoââ You choke out, but you donât get any further than that before Ghost is tugging impatiently at your underwear, trying to reveal your cunt.Â
He hushes you, almost absent-mindedly, and you hear him take a breath when he finally manages to get your knickers off. He tosses them aside, his dark eyes focused intently on your bare cunt now that itâs been revealed. Itâs embarrassing, but you canât bring yourself to try and hide again. Heâs touching you so reverently and looking at you so hungrily that youâre not brave enough to try to deprive him of the sight.
âMy fussy girl,â He mutters, low enough that you almost donât hear him. âHave you been touching yourself? Using your toys this week?â
You shiver, a little embarrassed. You have been using your stupid toys, but they havenât been working. No matter what you do, you canât replicate the feelings that Ghost had managed to elicit in you with such ease, and you have a sinking feeling that he knows that.
But the mention of your toys reminds you of something else, too. A recurring thought thatâs been practically haunting you, thatâs had you imagining Ghost up above you and around you as youâd sucked experimentally on your dildo, sliding it into your mouth just to see how much of it you could take.
âWaitââ You say, and though your voice wavers, Ghost sits back immediately, eyes on your face. Itâs like heâs just waiting for your word, an order, a direction. Something in your belly warms, and you take a breath.
âI want to try something.â You tell him before you can lose your nerve. âSit back down.â
He sits at the edge of your bed, his bulky frame moving far more gracefully than youâd expect for his size if you hadnât already seen him in action. Heâs almost patient, until you catch the way the fingers of his right hand drum against his thigh as he waits for you to do something.
Since youâre already stripped from the waist down, you see no point in remaining clothed on top too. When you pull your top and bra off, Ghost makes a low appreciative rumble deep in his chest that you swear you can feel run down your spine.Â
âPromising start.â He says, and you want to smack him.
You shoot him a little scowl, before deciding to just ignore him. Youâve fancied him for an embarrassingly long time, probably since the very first time you had laid eyes on him upon joining the task force, and now heâs sitting on your bed, willing and hard and admitting that he wants you. It takes your breath away a little, especially the way that he doesnât seem put off by your inexperience at all.
Slowly, you sink to your knees in front of him and watch his eyes widen beneath the balaclava. Itâs somewhat gratifying to see his surprise; like youâve finally got one over on your big bad lieutenant.Â
âVery promising start.â He says, and this time he sounds a little husky. âDâyou know what youâre doing, sweetheart?â
The answer is, very obviously, no. You have no idea what youâre doing, youâre learning as you go along. But Ghost hasnât judged you yet for your clumsy fumbling exploration, so you can only hope that heâs willing to put up with this too.
âSort of.â You say evasively. âIâve seen it in porn, and Iâve⌠Iâve been practicing.â
Ghostâs groan sounds like itâs been punched out of him, and itâs rough enough to have you glancing up in surprise from where youâre trying to get his stupid trousers unbuttoned. Your hands are unsteady and unsure, and itâs slow-going.
âYeah?â He asks, sounding a little out of breath himself. âWhich one?â âWhat?â Youâre a little distracted, not paying full attention to his question as you tug at his trousers. Youâve finally got them unbuttoned, and you pull impatiently in an effort to get them off. Ghost lifts his hips to help, though your eager impatience seems to amuse him.
âWhich one of your toysâve you been practicing on?â He asks, the barest undertone of a groan in his voice. âThe pretty little pink one?â
You feel embarrassed heat prickle in your face because yes, it had in fact been that one you had been practising with. Youâre not quite sure what to make of the fact that youâre apparently so predictable that Ghost can guess which dildo youâve been sucking at, imagining it was him.
âMaybe.â You mutter evasively.
Ghost lets out a low chuckle right as you manage to wrangle his cock out of his briefs, and then you have to pause for a moment because oh. You had known, of course, that he was big. You had felt him for days after that first time, like a fucking internal bruise that ached at you every time you moved. He was bigger than any toy that you owned, you know that, youâve felt it, and yet now that itâs in front of your face it seems so much bigger than you remember.
Youâve watched porn with so-called âmonster cocksâ and it isnât like that. Itâs just⌠bigger. Than average, that is. At least, as far as you can tell, because itâs not like you have enough experience with dicks in real life to have any idea of what average really is.
Ghost must recognise the momentary flash of panic that crosses your face, because he reaches out and strokes a gloved thumb over your cheek. The fabric is rough against your skin, but you relax at the feeling anyway.
âYou donât have to.â He says quietly.
âI want to.â You insist, swallowing that swell of nerves.Â
Now that his cock is bobbing in front of your face, you have to fight the sinking feeling that youâre in over your head. But youâre not willing to back down; not when youâve been thinking about this all damn week, and especially not when youâve got the man that stars in all of your fantasies sitting on your bed with his legs spread.
You shuffle forward a little, and try not to feel intimidated at the fact that Ghostâs thick thighs twitch when you reach to take hold of his cock. Heâs so big that it feels like heâs dwarfing you beneath him, his bulky form enveloping you in shadow when he leans forward to make sure he has a good view of what youâre doing.
You stroke experimentally over his cock, your fist a little clumsy. Despite your frenzied and very pleasurable tumble with him before, you had never actually gotten the chance to touch him in return. You had been too overwhelmed by the sheer onslaught of sensation he had delivered upon you to even think about returning any favours, and the fact that youâre getting the opportunity now to reciprocate and explore fills your tummy with butterflies.
âGrip it harder, love.â He grunts, shifting his hips so that he can fuck his cock into your fist. âIt ainât gonna break.â
âShh,â You admonish him, glancing up with a frown. âLet me do it myself.â
Ghost snorts quietly, probably finding your determination silly, but he still his hips and lets you go at your own pace. His dick is big, and you stare at it with some level of wonder as you stroke your fist over him. You canât help but compare the feel of him to your dildos, only because theyâre your only real point of reference; his skin is velvety soft and hot to the touch, yielding despite how hard he is, and you admire the slide of his foreskin pulling down over the crown.Â
Itâs not the size that really catches your attention though. No, what you really notice is how fucking perfect it is. Pretty and pink, flushed more red towards the tip, the head shiny with just a hint of smeared pre-come. It curves, slightly, to the left, and it feels nice in your hand. You feel a little light headed as your eyes dart over the pale blond downy hair that covers his thighs and the base of his cock.Â
You gather your courage, then lean in and lick tentatively at the rosy pink crown of his cock. You had been a little worried about the taste, having no idea what to expect, but you neednât have been. Heâs a little salty, but nothing inoffensive; he just tastes like skin, and you relax a little in relief.
He groans, his head tilting back to stare at the ceiling. You pause, hoping for some sort of direction, and as the moment stretches out he looks back to you and tilts his head.
âThought you wanted to do it yourself?â
Bastard, you grumble in your head, before steeling yourself. You know that your grip on him is clumsy, that your stroking is unpracticed, and you can only pray that he doesnât mind.
You take his cock into your mouth, jaw hinged wide as you try to avoid using your teeth, and attempt to suck with no finesse. You go too fast, try to take too much too quickly, because all of a sudden the head is tickling the back of your throat and youâre coughing, choking, and sputtering.Â
You pull back, blinking rapidly as your eyes sting with tears and drool drips unattractively down your chin. You go to wipe your face, but Ghost catches your wrist before you can.
âSlow down,â He murmurs, pulling your hands away from your face so he can look at you. âYou in a rush?â
âNo.â You grumble, and your voice comes out a little hoarse from the choking. âI just⌠I donât know what Iâm doing.â
Even though youâre quite certain that Ghost already knows that, itâs a little humiliating to admit.
Ghost just hums, his eyes tracking over your petulant expression and the stringy spit thatâs trickling down your chin, falling in thick globs above your tits.
âDonât matter, love.â He rumbles, reaching out to thumb at your chin. You think for a moment that heâs wiping you clean, but then he just ends up smearing your spit all around your mouth. âPlay with it as much as you want to. Donât think too much.â
You swallow, the sound a little too loud in the quiet of your room, before nodding. This is what you wanted â the chance to touch him, to explore his mouth with your hands and mouth just like he had done with you before.
You readjust your grip on his cock; it looks so stupidly big in your hand. You can tell that he notices too, because he lets out a gruff sort of groan before he reaches out, one hand winding around the back of your neck to cup at the base of your skull.
âYeah, thatâs it.â He breathes, his eyes locked onto you.
His eyes are dark, almost completely blacked out by the thickness of his pupil, and he stares down at you with an air of such anticipation that you couldn't dream of keeping him waiting. Gripping him in your hand, you give an exploratory sort of stroke â the skin is velvety soft and smooth, and he lets out a short groan of appreciation when your fingers caress the head of his cock.
You start moving your hand again, adjusting your grip and stroking him off. You wish you were better at it, or at least more confident, but Ghost doesnât seem to have any complaints. He just grunts quietly, flexing his hips once before apparently remembering what you had said and going still.
It takes a moment before you work up the confidence to bring it anywhere near your mouth again, but finally you lean forward and press a gentle little kiss to the head of his cock. Youâre rewarded with a quiet puff of laughter, and his thumb strokes a soothing circle into the back of your neck.
Encouraged, you dip your head and lick the tip of him properly. He tastes salty on your tongue as you take him carefully into your mouth. This time you just suckle at the head, not wanting to push yourself too fast. His taste isnât nearly as strong as you had been expecting; you hardly notice, really, enjoying the weight of his cock on your tongue and the feeling of being encircled by his big thighs.
It sounds stupid and maybe a little paradoxical, but you feel safe like this; Ghost towers over you even sitting down, and when youâre on your knees for him like this with his thick thighs bracketing you and his clean musky smell in your nose, you swear you never want to leave this moment.
You let out the most pathetic little whisper ever when you suckle at his cock, your tongue licking insistently at the underside of his glans. Ghost is always fairly stoic beneath that mask (other than his occasional bursts of humour and arrogance), so managing to pull out the soft but heavy breaths from his mouth when you suck at him makes pride swell in your chest, warm and syrupy sweet. It also makes something else twist in your belly, tight and hot enough to have your thighs squeezing tight together.
You used to have so many stupid, virginal plans for what youâd do the day you got your hands on some real, non-plastic cock, but everything youâve ever heard about dicks and oral sex immediately flies right out of your head. You have no technique, and all you do is suck, gracelessly, trying to get as much of Ghost in your mouth as you can. Youâre making loud, embarrassing slurping noises, and youâre certain that youâre drooling.
Judging by the grunts above you, Ghost has got no complaints about your technique (or lack thereof). One of his big hands reaches down to cup your face, fingers probing, testing at your jawline as it works.
âFuck,â He snarls, tilting your chin up so he can see the way your lips are wrapped around the tip of his massive cock, âKnew youâd be good at this. Look at you, messy little thing. Fuckinâ gorgeous.â
That makes you shiver, an electric jolt that shoots right to your clit. Youâre not sure what feels better; whether itâs his fat cock in your mouth or the hot wanting intensity in his eyes or the low filthy praises heâs growling.
God, you want to be good at this. Youâre definitely no natural, but you fight so hard to push past your uncertainty to make this feel good for Ghost.Â
Youâre pretty sure heâs lying about you looking gorgeous, though. Youâve never felt less sexy than you do in this moment. Your eyes are streaming over-stimulated tears, your brow is scrunched in concentration, youâre gripping onto Ghostâs thick thighs for both balance and emotional support, and itâs taking everything you have not to choke on him again.
Who the fuck gave him the right to have a cock like this? Complaining about it feels borderline blasphemous, especially when you have first hand experience of just how good he is at using it. Youâre making a mess of yourself, slobbering all over him in a way thatâs definitely a little gross, but youâre surprised by just how much youâre enjoying this.Â
You get a little too eager, because you take him a little too far down your throat and gag. You pull off quickly, choking lightly and still gasping for breath. Maybe your brain is a little oxygen-deprived, because you feel stupidly hazy.Â
You take a moment to recover, nuzzling dazedly into the curls of his pubic hair. Blond, of course. God, that shouldnât be cute but it is.
The thick length of his dick might be intimidating (as proven by the ache in your throat right now), but the velvety balls nestled below seem almost paradoxically vulnerable. Youâre fascinated by the sight of them; you might have been amateurishly familiar with cocks from your dildos alone, but his balls are entirely new to you.
You spend some time lavishing them with tiny licks and kisses. Ghost hums in surprised pleasure, the sound swelling to a rumbling purr when you start caressing his thighs and hips with a tender, shy touch.Â
Encouraged by his reaction, you return to his cock. Itâs jutting proudly up, flushed a lovely pink colour, as though itâs just waiting for your attention once more. Itâs already covered in a lather of foamy spit from your attention before, and when you sink your mouth down on him once again you do so with a bit more confidence.
âLike a pro, baby.â Ghost grunts appreciatively. A calloused thumb rolls over your cheek, under the fan of your lashes, and wipes away the moisture thatâs gathered there.Â
You most certainly are not sucking his cock like a pro, but you appreciate the encouragement all the same. Itâs nice to know that youâre not doing a horrific job, at least.
You spare a glance up, half-expecting Ghostâs eyes to be closed. Instead his gaze is avid, sharp, practically electric through that thin window of his balaclava. Heâs watching you closely, taking in every detail like it all might be snatched away from him. Itâs too intense, and you look back down, focusing on his dick again.
An outraged, possessive noise escapes you when Ghost forcibly tugs your head back, pulling his cock out of your mouth. It twitches a little once itâs been removed from the wet heat of your mouth, all shiny wet and pink, and you lick your lips. God, you want to get back on that, and you donât understand why heâs taken it away from you.
Ghost lets out a low, breathy chuckle, reaching out to thumb at your spit-slick lower lip before reaching for your elbows and bodily hauling you back up onto the bed.
You practically bounce, falling back on the mattress and squirming to try and get your bearings again.
âNo,â You say, and to your bewilderment it comes out on a sob. âI wanted you to come on my faceââ
You can tell that Ghostâs expression does something strange beneath his mask because his eye twitches and he takes a deep breath. But he doesnât put his cock back in your mouth. Instead he reaches back and pulls his shirt off, and you take a broken little inhale because last time he had fucked you, heâd hardly gotten undressed at all. But now youâre being blessed with the sight of scarred pale skin pulled taut over the thick swell of muscles that turn to a softer belly, that pale trail of curls starting just below his belly button.Â
âNext time.â He says, and it comes out on the ghost of a groan. âFuck, love, next time.â
Heâs quick to hook his hands under your thighs and haul them apart. You just about have time to spread your legs before heâs muscling his way between them. He tugs impatiently at his balaclava, tugging it askew to reveal his mouth, then he presses his nose into your humiliatingly slick pussy and starts sucking at your clit like itâs a hard candy.
You shriek, your thighs clamping shut around his ears as you writhe, but he clearly has no intention of stopping. The muffled moans he lets out into your cushiony cunt vibrate in the best way, and heâs so brazen about it that it just about takes your breath away. You donât even know if he can see anything, considering his mask is completely lopsided and his eyes arenât lined up with the holes anymore, but heâs working with such enthusiasm that it doesnât even matter.
And honestly, his enthusiastic pussy-eating combined with the sheer visual stimulation heâs providing is really doing it for you.Â
Youâre probably going to get a crick in your neck from the way youâre craning your head just to watch him hunch over you, that tongue of his peeking out from beneath the edge of his mask just to lick you. Heâs built like a fucking god; thick muscles, soft tummy, and cushiony pecs. It might just be the hottest thing youâve ever seen in your life.
âOh god, fuckâ!â You choke out, your cunt clenching down hard as Ghost slides a finger into you.
Of course, Ghostâs fingers are also thicker than average. A single one of them feels like what would have been two of your own and you gasp a bit at the sudden stretch. You open up easily, your body welcoming him greedily and bearing down hard around his digits. Maybe itâs because youâre used to controlling the depth, speed and angle of penetration completely when youâre playing with your toys, but relying on Ghost for pleasure feels so damn exotic and exciting. Now you can only tilt your hips and go with Ghostâs pattern of movement; a bit harder, a bit deeper than what you would have done on your own.
He pushes another finger inside and itâs snug in your cunt, two fingers squished together nicely by your pulsing walls, hot and wet. It makes a sticky sound when he pushes them knuckle-deep, and then he sucks at your clit again, hard.
Youâre honestly taken aback when your stomach tightens up and a wave of white-hot pleasure washes over you. Your back bows off the bed, you cover your mouth with a balled-up fist, your chest heaves.Â
Itâs exactly as good as you remember it being the first time, maybe even better, and the noises you make are broken and pathetic as you whine and cry.
Ghost licks you through it, big long laves of his tongue punctuated by sweet little suckles on your clit that feel almost fond. All you can do is lay there and take it, your head spinning a little as you catch your breath and try to figure out how the fuck he managed to make you come so damn quickly when youâve been failing so spectacularly for a week.
Youâve barely finished coming, still shaking with the aftershocks, when he climbs up your body. At some point heâs shucked his trousers off, and the fact that heâs naked sends a little zing of excitement through your tired body. Or at least, as naked as Ghost tends to get. Heâs still got the damn mask on.
Heâs breathing heavily; his mouth is slightly ajar, mask tucked up around his crooked nose as he settles on his haunches between your thighs. Heâs still staring hard at your cunt, his eyes glued to the way your clit is still twitching. Heâs still so damn quiet, and you have no idea what heâs thinking.
When he reaches out to thumb at your clit again you whine. Youâre sensitive, and his thumb is calloused and rough. You wiggle, lift up your leg and press your foot to his broad chest to stop him. You may as well be pushing against a brick wall for all the good it did.
Ghost just exhales a quiet laugh, capturing your ankle in his massive fist. He turns his head and kisses your ankle; the gesture is unexpectedly tender, and makes something in your chest tremble dangerously.
He uses his hold on your ankle as leverage to raise your leg, spreading your thighs out wide until your hips ache. You feel so exposed, the lips of your cunt parted ever so slightly, and heâs quick to press his cock against your still-twitching clit.
âOh, look at her,â He breathes, low enough that you have to strain to hear. âShite, she missed me, didnât she?â
His hand is steady as he strokes his cock, dragging it through your sticky folds. The pretty pink head catches on your clit each time, and you let out a quiet whimper. Ghost doesnât even notice; his eyes are zeroed in on your spread pussy, watching how you flutter around nothing.
âFuck, sheâs been waitinâ for me all week,â He coos, his cock notching at the entrance of your cunt and pressing in just enough for you to feel the stretch as his thumb rolls against your clit. âI know, baby, been waitinâ for you too.â
Jesus, you feel like youâre gonna die. Youâre taking all these big deep shivering breaths, still trembling a little from your orgasm and eager for him to just fuck you already, but his filthy talk in your ear is sending you spiralling. Youâre so wet it feels like youâve sprung a leak; you can feel moisture running down your ass and under your thighs, and you burn with both mortification and desire.
Ghost presses his cock in a little further, and your back arches as you groan. Despite the orgasm and the fingering and the fact that you are so fucking aroused right now, the stretch is intense.
âYeah, sheâs begginâ for me.â Ghost is still talking â at this point you think his words are meant just for himself, because theyâre low and a little slurred, his eyes glassy as he stares at the way his cock spears through the slick folds of you. âListen; itâs like sheâs talking to me.â
For a second, you have no goddamn idea what heâs talking about. But then, in the silence, you hear the squelch of your drippy cunt as he squishes his cock against it in shallow little thrusts, barely even pressing the tip inside.
âOh god,â You whine, high and needy. âJustâ stop teasing.â
The bastard laughs, all low and gritty and a little breathless.
âItâs not teasing, lovie.â He says, leaning down and pressing a kiss to your jawline. âYouâve been avoiding me for a week straight. Iâm just reacquainting myself.â
Then he presses a kiss to the corner of your mouth in a move so sweet that it honestly takes you aback. Every complaint in your head flies out the window, and you turn eagerly in an attempt to deepen the kiss. His mouth is so hot, his lips plush and hungry and a little salty. It occurs to you that youâre tasting yourself in his mouth, and your body draws up tight and tense in response.Â
âSimon,â You breathe, intending to tell him to get a move on and just fuck you already, but you donât even get as far as finishing the order.
He groans as though the sound of his given name is a signal, and before you know it youâve got a huge wall of muscle hunched over you and around you as Ghost holds himself up by his elbows on either side of your head. You feel his cock prodding at the entrance of your cunt and your legs fall even further open, until your hip joints ache.
When he starts to push in, the stretch burns in a way that makes your mouth fall open as you choke on the air in your lungs. Youâre wet and pliable and eager, your pussy sucking hungrily at Ghostâs dick in an effort to take him deep quickly, but you had almost forgotten what this felt like. You canât stop the way your cunt tightens eagerly as he rocks in an inch.
He laughs lowly in your ear, has to swallow back a groan when you clench tight around him, âCâmon, stop pushing me out, darling.â
âWait,â You gasp, reaching down to place your hand over his belly. âWait, oh my god, youâre too bigââ
His stomach muscles are tensed with the effort he's putting in to keep from rocking into you all in one go, and you spare a moment to admire his patience and his sheer resolve to make things good for you. But even though heâs obediently paused to let you catch your breath, he chuckles quietly at your reaction.
âItâs only the tip, baby.â He murmurs, cooing softly to you like youâre something easily spooked. âYouâve taken it before. This pretty little cunt of yours is so hungry, gotta let her have it.â
You nod, hesitantly. Heâs right; he may be big, but youâd taken him before. Only last week. And you had been a virgin then. Well, technically. Not physically, maybe, since youâd long stretched out your hymen on your dildos, but mentally. Though at least last week you had stretched yourself out on your vibrator, and then Ghost had spent so long opening you up with his mouth and fingers.
Ghost rocks forward another inch, and the stretch makes you squeal like a fucking stuck pig. Itâs mortifying. How the hell did he ever manage to fit that fat cock inside you?
You slap at his belly hard, writhing away.Â
âNo, nope, not gonna fit.â You wheeze.
Ghost pulls back, and you can read the disappointed slant of his mouth and he reaches down to grip the base of his cock. Now that you get another look at it, you take a deep breath. Itâs still well-lubed with your spit and the pink cockhead is shiny with your slick.Â
Itâs big, but you know you can take it. You just⌠you need better leverage.
Your jaw clenches in determination. âI need to be on top.â
Thereâs a moment of silence as those words settle between you, as though Ghostâs brain is buffering. Then his lips start curving up into that semi-familiar smug smile, and he rolls the two of you over so that heâs laying on his back in your bed with you perched clumsily atop his thighs.
His cock juts up proudly, practically bobbing as it leaks prespend down his length. He settles back, folding his arms behind his head as he watches you â the position makes his biceps bulge in a way that is very appealing and also most likely unintentional.
âGo on.â He encourages, as hungry and wanting as youâve ever heard him. âAll yours, gorgeous.â
All yours, your brain repeats, the words echoing around your skull until youâre certain that your head is empty but for that. You want him so much it makes you feel dizzy.
You shuffle forward until your pussy is hovering over the blood-flushed head of his cock. The cute pink blush has started to darken into a red that looks painful, and you take a little breath at the idea of helping him out with his little problem.
You lower yourself down so that the tip of Ghostâs cock is lined up with your entrance and begins pressing in, stretching you wide and slipping in inch by inch. You gasp desperately as youâre speared open inexorably slowly, tears pricking your eyes as your mouth drops open.
Though youâre the one controlling the pace, it still seems overwhelming, all-encompassing. You can feel your cunt stretching wide and taut around the width of him, fluttering as Ghost groans in dazed appreciation.
You glance up at him, to see that his eyes are a little unfocused, missing the intensity that theyâve had all night. His gaze is flickering from the way your cunt is sliding down on his cock to your breasts to your face, so fast as if heâs trying to take it all in before it disappears.
His oversized hands come to rest on your hips, and you half expect him to pull you down impatiently on his cock. But he doesnât, they just rest there as though he needs to ground himself. His stomach is tensed so tight you know that his abs will be sore in the morning, and to your delight you can see a lovely pink flush climbing across his lightly-haired chest.
You keep your eyes on his half-masked face as you slowly rock your way down onto the length of him, your breath occasionally hitching. Though he doesnât rush you, you can feel the way his fingers twitch on your hips and the way his jaw grinds, and all those little tells only increase your excitement.
Youâre so full you feel like youâre about to break in half, and Ghostâs gaze on you feels like a physical weight, but you donât stop. You wiggle clumsily, trying to take him deeper and unintentionally pulling gruff groans out of him every time your body tightens.
Then, finally, you take him to the hilt. He groans, his eyes half-lidded as he watches the way your body sits perched on his lap, little tremors rocking through you as you adjust to his size inside.Â
âThatâs my girl.â Ghost says, and the praise comes out on the edge of a growl. âFuck, itâs like you were made for me.â
Tingling heat is growing alarmingly quickly in your lower belly and at the apex of your thighs, and you tremble over him as you use your grip on his shoulders for leverage. The soft sounds of pleasure that are pulled out of his throat every time you roll yourself against him send sparks through your entire nervous system â youâve never heard Ghost sound so soft and wanting.
One of his hands reaches between you, one big thumb settling right over your swollen clit. You squeal, but your noises are half-moans as you try to rock your hips against his hand even as you try to ease the feeling of his girth inside you.
âWould you have gone back to his quarters?â He asks, and the seemingly non-sequitur is too much for your dazed, cock-stupid mind to keep with.
âHuh?â You breathe, tentatively rocking your hips and moaning softly as his cock hits just right inside.
âThe guy at the bar.â Ghost clarifies, his voice deep and a little irritated. âThe one who was all over you. Would you have gone back with him?â
Oh, you think a little wryly. You should have known that heâd be a big possessive bastard.
âI donât know.â You say, but youâre barely paying attention. Youâve started to rock for real now, and it feels good. Your rhythm is barely more than a slow grind â you think, distantly, that you should be lifting yourself up and down and fucking yourself properly, but grinding so that he hits deep and your clit rubs up against his pubic bone just feels so fucking intense.
âWaste of your time.â He grunts, his grip tight on your hips as he watches you hump lazily. âJesus, look at the way youâre sucking me in. Cuntâs so fussy, she was just waiting for me.â
The worst part is, you think he might be right. You had been touching yourself every night this week, trying and failing to recreate the high he had brought you to. The touch just wasnât the same, and no matter how close you got you just couldnât fall over that damn ledge.
âYeah,â You whine, hardly even aware of what youâre agreeing to. The sweet ache of the stretch has almost disappeared now, and you hump back onto his cock with abandon. Your chest is heaving as you pant, and you can feel your own body trying to suck him in further but thereâs nowhere else to go because heâs filling you up so completely.Â
You tip forward, grabbing clumsily at his shoulders for balance as your face smushes against the cushiony softness of his pecs. God, heâs so strong, itâs like your body weight is nothing to him â he just accepts your whole body leaning into him, humming in satisfaction.
Tentatively, you lift yourself up a few inches so you can ease back down. You repeat the movement a few more times, and then youâve established a steady pace of fucking yourself on his cock.Â
âSimon,â You gasp, and it comes out in a whimper thatâs far more pathetic than you had intended. âAm Iâ am I doing good?â
Heâs gritting his teeth â you can see the tense line of his jaw as he tilts his head back, watching your face as you bounce stumblingly on his cock.
âLike I said, lovie, youâre a natural.â He says, exhaling harshly through his nose. âGimme a kiss.â
When you lean forward to kiss him, the angle shifts and all of a sudden he's hitting the spot that makes your knees go weak. Your thighs are already burning from the exertion of riding him, but you whine desperately.
âThere.â You moan into Ghostâs mouth, the two of you sharing air as you pant against each otherâs lips. âOh god, pleaseââ
The muscles in his thighs ripple as he lifts his hips to meet yours as you bounce down, and then all of a sudden heâs fucking into you from below. The strength in his hips almost bodily lifts you every time he fucks up, though you almost thwart his every thrust as you try to grind on him again, trying to get his cock to hit just right again.
Fuck, your legs are tired and your knees are aching, but you can feel that glorious build up in your tummy again. Ghost has taken over most of the heavy lifting now too; instead of relying on you to bounce up and down, heâs drilling into that one spot inside you that sends liquid heat shooting up your spine.
Your mouth is hanging open and youâre pretty sure that youâre drooling all over his lovely, soft chest, but it just feels so good. You donât understand how he does this, how he makes it feel so good for you. You think, a little wildly, that maybe your cunt was made for him.
âFuckinâ Christ, youâre so tight,â Ghost grunts, and his chest rumbles beneath your smushed cheek. âGonna come again for me, sweetheart? Go on, cream on me.â
You didnât actually think you were that close to another orgasm, despite how good it feels, but maybe Ghost knows you and your pussy better than you know yourself because you feel yourself go tight and gushy, nonsensical gasping and babbling spilling from your lips. The soft squelching noises your pussy makes as his cock fucks up into you is obscene, enough to make your nipples go tight and tingly.
Then his thumb rolls hard against the swollen bud of your clit and youâre gone. You think you might actually scream, but itâs muffled against the now drool-covered expanse of his thick, bulging pecs.Â
You let out a choked out wail as your orgasm rips through you like an electric shock, leaving you trembling madly in its wake. You swear you come apart completely, unravelling at the edges as you writhe in his lap, grinding wildly even as he continues to fuck you through it.Â
You donât get even a moment of reprieve, because Ghost keeps going through the waves of your orgasm. He pulls you up to kiss you, sloppy and dirty, and then starts thrusting for all heâs worth. Youâre put in mind of bull-riding, and your thighs clench hard as you try to stay seated as he bucks against you.
It's the most unravelled youâve ever seen him. Ghost is always cool and in control, always meeting everything with smug, arrogant confidence. To see him glowing with sweat, his mouth lolled open under his rumpled balaclava as he snarls and grunts and fucks into you like an animal feels like a drug so heady you know youâre already addicted.
This is not the lazy rhythm of before; heâs uncoordinated and frantic, kissing you hard and messy as he shoves his cock up into you so hard that youâre sure itâs going to leave a permanent impression inside you. Maybe thatâs what heâs aiming for. You take it easily, split open and pliant and soft and wet.
Youâre oversensitive and shivery, breathing hard and whimpering on every other thrust, but you donât complain. It only takes a handful of thrusts before Ghost finishes with a bitten off snarl, his jaw clenching and head tipping back as he pulls you off him just in time for his cock to spurt several thick ropes of creamy cum between you. Most of it lands on your belly, dripping down onto your pussy like icing on a cake, but some of it spurts onto Ghostâs own soft belly too.
It makes a mess, but you donât care. You feel so dreamy-floaty happy right now, your limbs floppy and rubbery as you slump down onto his chest. He catches you easily, and lays you down gently onto the bed.Â
You grumble when he moves, but you remember this part from last time. You donât bother opening your eyes; you know heâll come back.
Sure enough, he returns within moments, and you feel a warm, wet cloth wiping at your belly and inner thighs. You part your legs, pleased with the feeling of being looked after. When you blink your eyes open again, you see that heâs pulled the mask back down to cover his lovely, talented mouth. You try not to be too disappointed over that. His eyeblack is smeared too; it gives the impression of total debauchery.Â
âYou alright, love?â He asks, and you realise that youâve just been staring blankly at him.
âYeah.â You mumble, stretching your body out like a cat. Now that youâve been given a moment, you can feel all those little aches flare to life between your legs, around your hips, and up the base of your spine. You wince, but donât complain.
To your delight, Ghost climbs back into bed with you. Heâs a little too big for the standard issue frame, but youâre more than happy to roll on top of him and cuddle close to conserve space. He seems similarly happy to have you all laid out on his chest, because he presses his masked face to the top of your head and inhales slowly.
âAre you staying, this time?â You ask quietly. You think you know the answer after your conversation earlier, but you canât quite help the little pulse of insecurity.
âAs long as youâll have me.â He says, low in the quiet of the room. His tone is thick with significance, like heâs talking about more than just staying the night, and his fingers are sure and steady as he traces absent-minded little patterns down the length of your spine.
You swallow, heart racing, and rest your cheek against his chest. The steady thump, thump, thump of his own heart soothes you, and you bite your lip. Heâs so solid, reliable. Youâd trust him with your life, with anything.Â
You glance down, your eyes curiously seeking out his now softening cock. Itâs laying in a bed of his blond curls at his crotch, and it looks so unthreatening when itâs flaccid. You admire the shape of it absently, feeling a little thrill of excitement at the sight of it. You canât lie to yourself and say you donât feel a little possessive, either.
âAre we dating now?â You ask quietly. Youâre not able to look him in the eye when you ask it, so you keep your face turned down. You donât think you could handle seeing his expression if his answer is no.
Thereâs a pause. His hand halts the sweet patterns heâd been drawing on your back.
âWas that a question for me, or my cock?â He asks. He seems to be aiming for his usual sort of dry humour, but his tone comes out a little guarded, as though heâs actually not sure.
You raise your head, stifling your insecurity, and make eye contact with him. Those pretty brown eyes, so warm when theyâre looking at you like this.
âYou,â You say.
Thereâs another pause, and then his hand starts tracing its way over your bare back again.
âYeah,â Ghost says, and the corners of eyes crinkle. âStuck with me now, lovie.â
#okayyyy here we go!#simon riley x reader#simon riley smut#ghost x reader#simon ghost riley x reader#cod smut
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âsatoru hates arguments. even more so when your conflicts cause your baby daughter to be upset as well.â
âď¸ď˝tags. (girl) dad!gojo satoru x female reader. fluff, angst, comfort. mention of arguments between parents. comfort & happy ending, though!
satoru hates having arguments with you. he hates it whenever an argument turns into the silent treatment. he apologises and apologises â yet nothing helps to change your mood sometimes.
ever since you got married and had your daughter, you were a bit more sensitive to the smallest of things than usual. it wasnât like satoru despised you for it; in fact, he understands that motherhood was and is stressful. that man was nothing but supportive to you.
though, your little arguments were indirectly having an impact on the mental state of your baby. you didnât even know an one year old could sense the tension between her parents.
âmama, mama!â your daughter appears out of nowhere, waddling over to you standing in the kitchen. she had barely just learnt how to walk. her tiny hand reaches for yours and she points at the doorway with her other, âgo, mama, go.â
you curiously let your little girl lead you towards where she was pointing at, only to arrive at the living room. satoru was sitting on the couch, idly staring at the ceiling, other hand fiddling with one of your daughterâs toys. he seemed deep in thought. even exhausted and clearly not his playful self.
âmama, go! mama go papa.â
satoruâs head turns to the side at the cute sound of his favourite little girl. he smiles brightly at her return to the living room, only for his smile to fade just for a second at the sight of you next to her. he isnât mad at youâmore like sad that you still seemed upset with him.
your daughter tugs at your index finger. she apparently wants you to go to her dadâwants you to interact or talk with him. her big eyes were staring up at you with a pleading look in them.
you were in a dilemma. of course, you wanted to put your daughterâs mind at ease. you could just fake interact with satoruâor actually just make it upâbut there was still a small part of you that needed time alone. you werenât yet mentally ready for another confrontation. you needed time to think it out.
however, part of you also knows that your earlier argument was kind of silly. you donât even fully remember what it was about, thatâs how irrelevant it was to your brain.
âcâmon, pumpkin. âtis not nice for you to bother mama while sheâs cooking.â satoruâs soft voice startles you back to reality. he had already gotten up and crouched down to pick your daughter up in his arms, kissing her chubby cheeks to distract her; âmamaâs busy, âkay? letâs go play with papa.â
even satoru knew that your argument had caused your little girl to feel some kind of stress. she didnât fully comprehend the situation, though she was clearly uncomfortable by the fact that her parents were not acting nice and lovey dovey like they usually would.
âno, papa. mama!â the baby whines and points at you and then at satoru, her little legs kicking. it absolutely broke satoruâs heart â shattered it into pieces. oh, how he wishes to never fight with you again. the sight of his little bundle of joy trying to mend things between you two with all she could was simply too much.
satoru looks down at you and notices the way you look at your one year old as well. the same way he did; with guilt and sadness. he sighs softly and without further thought, wraps his free arm around your shoulders and brings you close to his body.
âcâmere,â satoru murmurs as he holds both your daughter and you to his chest, âlet me hold my two girls, yeah? may i, sweetheart? please.â
your husband asks for your consent. if you were okay with thisâeven when he needs it desperately, to hold you again in his arms and to make it right to youâyour comfort comes first. if you werenât ready yet to make up, heâd let you go. even if itâd hurt him immensely.
you donât answer with your words and instead let your actions do the talking. you wrap one arm around satoruâs torso, the other cradling your daughter closer to both you and him.
it was like nothing mattered anymore in that moment, except for your little family. your worries, stress and anxiety about everything and anything had vanished into thin air as you felt the embrace of the two people you held dear.
your daughter finally gigglesâa sound satoru and you had greatly missed. you close your eyes and just rest against your husbandâs body.
âmama papa, wuv!â the little girl squeals in happiness as she excitedly babbles on, causing both satoru and you to laugh as well. the white-haired sorcerer leaves a big peck on the babyâs forehead before doing the same to you.
âmhm, papa loves mama veeery much.â satoru hums and kisses your forehead again, solely because he missed being affectionate to you, âpapa loves his sweet little angel too.â
you canât help but chuckle along with your one year oldâwho seemed to be extremely content in her parentsâ loving embrace again. this is how it always should be.
âmama also loves papa very much.â you reply, causing your husband to regain his usual big grin. he finally got what he longed for; to have you look and talk to him with love. your silence may have lasted only a few hours, but it felt like it had been a couple cruel months to the sorcerer.
your eyes meet his again and all was well. you smile at him and he smiles back before leaning in to kiss you gently on the lips. satoruâs arm that was draped over your shoulder moves down to curl around your lower back, pulling you as close to him as your bodies would allow.
he pulls back after a few seconds and just lovingly stares at your face againâeyes holding an affection only you had ever been able to witness. your eyes told the same story; nothing could separate you two. ever.
âwaaaaah! mama papa, me, me!â
the romantic air between you two suddenly gets interrupted by your daughterâs excited demands. she was demanding kisses as well, puffing her cheeks up as she got ready for it.
âohh? seems like our angel wants some kisses too.â satoru laughs and nods his head at the baby in his other arm whilst looking at you, âshall we?â
you giggle and nod backânot able to refuse your little girl any longer.
it was not long before the living room fills with the sounds of your childâs laughter, which was caused by the continuous kisses and tickles she was receiving from both satoru and you.
#sttoru writes.#jjk x reader#gojo satoru x reader#gojo x reader#jjk fluff#jjk x y/n#jjk x you#gojo x you#gojo satoru x you#gojo x y/n#jjk x female reader#jjk fanfic
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MW2 Reaction To You Being Their Controversially Young Girlfriend
Warnings: Implied Smut, Legal Age Gap, Age Gap Relationships, Daddy Kink, Older Man/Younger Woman, Older Woman/Younger Woman, Possessive MW2, Degradation, Mention of Corruption, Mentions of Innocence, Mentions of Naivety, Praise Kink (M Giving), Implied Choking Kink, Angry Sex, Groping, Brat Taming, Man Handling/Woman Handling, Dumbification Kink, Gentle MW2, Rough MW2, Self-Consciousness, Mentions of Blood/Injury, Insecurity, Profanity, Pet Names, Fem Pronouns Used For Reader.
Ghost
Pretends he doesnât care about the age gap, but he secretly does.
Youâd never know it, but he worries that heâs roping you into a relationship â a long-term one at that â when you should be out, meeting guys, gaining life experience.
He also fears that, in some way, heâs corrupting you, that his selfish desire to keep you close to him will lead to you being targeted or you eventually resenting him.
It doesnât matter how many times you tell him otherwise, heâs still going to worry about you.
There are a few ways you can put his mind at ease, though. Namely of the bedroom variety.
More on this later đ.
He spoils you silly, absolutely rotten. Anything that catches that pretty little eye of yours and heâs already got it gift wrapped. He feels itâs the least he can do after youâve shown him that life isnât just an endless cycle of suffering â an infinitum of anguish â that he does deserve happiness and a chance at love.
Very gentle during sex. Unless you ask him not to be.
Expect a lot of praise in bed.
Many a night have you found yourself pinned under Simon, his mouth to your ear as he pants, moaning, telling you how youâre âSuch a good girl, taking me so well,â while he fills you with long, languid strokes.
Other times, heâs not so gentle.
Oftentimes, usually as a result of purposefully making Ghost jealous, have you been pinned against a hard surface â one of convenience rather than comfort â with Simon at your back, the tent in his pants catching you.
His voice is deep, husking and carnal as he reminds you who you belong to.
âLike having your pretty little cunt ravaged by an older man, donât you, Love.â
Heâs very protective of you.
He sometimes construes your young age as innocence, naivete. Hence, he never lets you out of his sight when youâre out together.
Scary dog privileges.
Absolutely feral, down bad for you: you only have to do or say the most minimal of things to make him melt, to become a slave to his adoration for you.
That being said, heâs paranoid that one day youâll see him as he views himself and leave him for someone better â someone you deserve. Someone younger.
Heâs damaged goods, you still have your whole life to live. And yet you stay with him, promise him that heâs the only man youâll ever love.
As stated earlier, Simon can be persuaded of your dedication to him via special, particular means.
However, if you play into his insecurities, even to get a rise out of him, heâll pounce on you, grab your wrists and pin you to a wall, gripping your jaw and forcing you to look at him.
And, beneath dark lashes and darker eyes, he makes a promise to you.
âOh, you think a younger lover can pleasure you like I can?â he says, his head tilting. âDonât you worry, Darling. Iâll fuck that idea outta that pretty little head of yours until the only thing rattling around in there is me.â
KĂśnig
Somewhat insecure in your relationship. Especially when he gets disapproving glances and glares from passers-by when they note the very obvious age difference between the two of you.
But, his love for you can overcome any measure of anguish, social or otherwise.
Heâs the gentlest giant you could ever hope to meet, both in and out of bed.
When he feels like it.
He treats you like youâre innocent and pure, shielding your eyes from graphic scenes on TV and gruesome stories in the newspaper.
Sometimes he has to remind himself that youâre a fully-grown woman, even if you are younger than him.
You send him absolutely feral whenever you wear his clothes btw.
Seeing as any one of his shirts could be your nightdress, he calls you his âMinnie Mausâ, and treats you as such.
Pls sit on his lap, heâll only be able to die happy once you do.
He fears judgement from others whenever you enact PDA, so to make up for his lack of willing to be physical with you in public, there isnât a moment where youâre without him at home.
Extended periods of time in your presence tend to send him a bitâŚfunny.
A little bit silly.
And by silly, I mean thereâs a single thread of humanity keeping him from tearing your clothes off at any given second.
Especially if heâs seen a younger guy looking at you earlier in the day.
One of the few times heâll get physical with you in public is whenever he catches someone looking at you with a glaze over their eyes he knows all too well.
He approaches you from behind, slipping a pythonic arm about your waist and pulling you into him.
Only now does your admirer look away, leave the premises entirely, once they catch sight of KĂśnigâs gargantuan proportions and the rabid look in his eye.
Once you get home, heâs on you before you can even shut the door.
Itâs times like these that KĂśnig doesnât feel insecure about the age gap between you.
Because he knows, no matter how little youâre willing to admit it, that nobody will ever be able to make you scream and cry and tremble like he can.
âDid you like that boyâs attention earlier, Maus?â he says, his eyes cattish and voice serpentine. He bears down on you, his hand about your throat as the other travels under your skirt.
âIs my love not enough? Are my affections wasted on you?â
His eyes glint in the dim light of the bedroom. His teeth look sharper â primal â in the low glow of the bedside lamp.
âNo matter. Iâll make you remember how much you need me,â he presses into you. The bulge between his legs feels far too big for you to take.
âInch by bloody inch.â
Valeria
Youâre her little Angel, her Goddess, the light of her life and her reason for living.
That does not exempt you from her teasing, however.
Sexual or otherwise.
Sheâs particularly fond of randomly grabbing your backside when sheâs walking past, or smacking it so hard that you yelp and sheâs grinning from ear to ear.
Even if you use your puppy-dog eyes on her, disobedience is not accepted under her roof.
In fact, trying to wriggle out of any punishment she has planned is enough to make her grab you and pin you to a wall, her grip unrelenting as she sucks and bites your neck, leaving harsh red marks and a sense of helplessness as she does what she pleases with you.
âDonât go fucking around behind my back again, Chiquita,â she tells you, her nose touching yours and her eyes black. She brings her knee between your legs, pressing into you.
âOr next time I wonât just stop at your throat.â
She loves dressing you up in the finest clothing money (and a ghastly reputation) can buy.
She thrives on having you hanging off her arm like a dog on a leash; she gets to show you off to her subordinates and business partners who know theyâll never even have the thought of having a chance with you entertained.
Valeriaâs mood can fluctuate in bed.
Sometimes, she treats you like a common whore she found on the street, fucking every ounce of rage, hate and venom into you until some part of youâs left bleeding as Valeriaâs panting on top of you, her lips to your cheeks as she kisses your tears away with a whiplash-inducing gentleness she seemed incapable of minutes ago.
Most of the time, sheâs loving and kind, putting your needs above her own.
Sure, she still teases you, makes you work for her love and dedication, but you know sheâd do anything for you.
You can tell in her tone as she tells you of how she would âScorch the earth if only to find a fragment of you in the wreckage.â
You disappearing or being taken from her is her biggest fear, and at night she holds you tightly against her chest, your buffer against the world she would sooner see in flames than relinquish you to.
Price
Heâs so father-coded fr.
He calls you his little girl, his Princess, Love, Darling, Dollie â anything that highlights your fragile nature.
Shows you off to his friends just so he can show them what theyâre missing. He adores the feeling of you curling further into him under the eyes of his task force, the look in their eyes relating something savage, primal, as they look at your bare thighs â the pinnacle of which shadowed by Johnâs shirt â and watch something they can never have, never touch.
John hides his insecurity well, but he does secretly worry about the age gap.
Especially when he watches younger men looking at you in ways he does.
The difference being that, while they offered you the world and would give you nothing, you are Johnâs world.
When you can tell Johnâs feeling worried, comforting him is a surprisingly easy task.
A kiss to the temple and the promise that heâs the only man for you is usually enough to put his mind at ease and make his face break out into a smile.
On the rare occasion it isnât, however, alternative methods are at your disposal.
E.g. screaming Johnâs name into the night as your nails drag down the expanse of his back, bodies scorching as he brings you to tears with his touch and his unrelenting pace.
He will absolutely hold his rank/age over you when heâs like this, no longer a point of contention or shame for him as he tells you heâs the âOnly one who can make you whimper like a fuckinâ dog,â
âSuch a good girl for me, my good little cocksleeve,â he rasps in your ear as he bounces you on top of him, his hands about your waist, preventing you from fleeing or falling off.
âGod, youâre so beautiful â soâ fuckâ gorgeous.â Heâs panting, gasping, growling.
âAnd all mine.â
Horangi
Youâre the only thing that matters to him.
At this point, he only remains as a military contractor to ensure that he can keep you in the style to which you are accustomed.
Calls you ěę¸°ěź (Jagiya â Honey, Darling).
His favourite thing to do is sit you between his legs and wrap around you like armour.
In case you couldnât tell, heâs highly protective of you.
You can make him do absolutely anything â heâs at your beck and call.
You can get him to buy you anything if you give him what he likes to call âkitten eyesâ eyes.
Even if youâre being a brat, he remains calm and treats you like his little angel, his sweetpea.
Unless you push him too far.
At which point, he wonât hesitate to tame you if you try your luck.
Heâll have you bent over his lap, holding you down with his forearm as he turns your thighs and backside red-raw with the slap of his belt.
âDonât start crying now, ě기 â you brought this on yourself.â
He never fails in the aftercare department, though.
Always filling your head with words of affirmation as he bathes you, carrying you to bed and tending to your skin with soothing creams and soft touches.
Hong-jin goes super feral crazy when you call him ě¤ëš .
A common honorific used towards any man older than the person using it.
Even if you donât understand the implications of it, Hong-jin does. And yes, it does tend to make him a bit silly.
Silly enough to know that heâs not going to last long and needs to get home ASAP to deal withâŚsomething.
Which he also makes your problem, pressing messy, desperate kisses to your lips as he tries to get his shirt off, your hands on his chest, feeling his heartbeat skyrocketing.
âI need you, (Y/N),â he says, breathless, almost growling. Yet, his eyes are wide, pleading. A doe-eyed prince with the aura of a wolf king. âAnd Iâll have every inch of you.â
Alejandro
Pre-established passionate lover.
One who is fiercely protective over you.
If anyone â and I mean anyone â catcalls you, makes passes at you, or even looks at you in the wrong way, Alejandro makes sure to enact righteous fury upon them.
Heâll do whatever it takes to make sure youâre 110% satisfied, regardless of context.
You want a new wardrobe ? Itâs done. A new car ? All yours. You need Alejandro now and it canât wait ? Why, how can he say no when you whine like that, when you tug at his sleeve and tuck your head against his shoulder.
He calls you âmi Princesaâ and makes sure everybody knows youâre his and heâs yours.
A thorough lover is how you might describe him.
Especially after heâs so willing to bend you against the nearest surface to get you off, no matter the time of day.
You can bring him to his knees with just a look. Turn him from the most respected soldier in his department into a feral wolf.
Which, if you play your cards right, can end very well for both of you.
Alejandro likes to play a game whenever youâre riding him.
He grabs you by your hips and anchors you on top of him.
âLetâs see how long you can hold on for, mi CorazĂłn,â he says, flashing you a sultry smile before heâs bucking into you at the pace of a mechanical rodeo horse at full speed.
âHolding onâ can mean anything from not being pounded off Aleâs hips to staving off your orgasm for as long as you can.
Failure to do either is when you see Alejandro at his most wicked. When heâs all teeth, a sharkâs grin, his eyes dark and his voice low as he tells you that he needs to âTrain your endurance. How else are you going to take me again, hm?â
Needless to say, youâll be lucky to be able to get out of bed the next day.
Rodolfo
His heart beats only for you. And as a result, he treats you like royalty.
As he should.
You want it ? You got it.Â
In abundance.
You have the best of everything and Rudy loves nothing more than seeing your face light up when you receive one of his many gifts.
That, and having you sat on his lap, raking your fingers through his hair as he tells you about his day.
He omits the more gruesome details, fearing heâll taint you with the blood on his hands if he doesnât.
Speaking of lap-sitting, itâs your one-way ticket to an eventful afternoon with Rudy.
Cockwarming is his go-to, your legs wrapped about his waist as he fills out reams of paperwork, pressing kisses to your shoulder and telling you âWhat a good girl youâre being, mi amor,â
Be prepared for a tidal wave of praise for doing the bare minimum.
It doesnât matter if Rudyâs topping or bottoming, heâs going to let you know how youâre making him feel, how nobody will ever ensnare him like you do.
âI love you,â he rasps, eyes half-lidded and skin glistening with sweat as you take him.
âI love you, I love you so muchââ He growls, back arching into you as you catch a sensitive area. His chest is heaving and his eyes are dark.
âIâll never let anyone else have you.â
Graves
This guy was made to have a controversially young girlfriend.
Calls you âBabydollâ, âBabygirlâ, âLittle Ladyâ, etc.
He unironically refers to himself as âDaddyâ.
E.g. âYou were eyeinân up that necklace for a while, DarlinââŚâ His hand slips to the crotch of his jeans, rocking his bulge into his palm.
âMaybe if you ask Daddy real nicely, heâll get it for you.â
Heâs actually very caring. Heâd buy you the world if it meant seeing you smile.
He never expects anything from you in return.
He just canât pass up the opportunity to have you in his arms, to touch you.
Graves can tend to go overboard with the gifts, though.
Calls you âyoung thingâ when heâs feeling humourous.
On the flip-side, he can (and will) use your age gap against you. Like Price, but more Southern.
Heâll be very condescending when heâs mad, tending to use terms that undermine how intelligent and capable you really are.
âIf youâd just listened to me and gotten it through your tiny head that Iâm doing whatâs best for you, we wouldnât be in this situation!â
On the flip-flip-side, he uses your age gap as a jumping-off point intoâŚdubious activities.
#1 dumbification kink enjoyer.
Heâs a switch with top lean, what can I say.
âCanât do anything without me, can you, Sweetheart.â Itâs not a question. His eyes are too serious, too stern, for it to be. Heâs pounding into you, hands either side of your head, caging you beneath him.
Between his panting, he presses a wet, uncoordinated kiss to your lips.
âIâll make sure you canât even think without me by the time Iâm done with you.â
Reblog for more content like this! It helps creators like myself tremendously and it is greatly appreciated :-)
Masterlist Masterlist [Continued] Masterpost
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#mw2 smut#mw2 x reader#cod x reader#simon ghost riley#simon riley#mw2 ghost#ghost mw2#simon ghost riley x reader#simon riley x reader#ghost cod#konig x reader#konig smut#ghost x reader#john price x reader#john price smut#ghost smut#alejandro vargas x reader#valeria garza#valeria x reader#phillip graves
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The only good thing about that old novel-turned-manga-turned-VN cover that's horribly off model and poor in anatomy is that I nailed the design for the three fairies/little people depicted. I can't wait to update them in a new piece. I don't think it would hurt to make a design sheet of them and post em later this week, True Names and all.
They're probably my favorite side characters in the prologue-I find the supernatural supporting cast very fun to write in all arcs I have planned.
They have little to no stakes in what happens to the mortals, their magic is more wild and limitless, and even when they do care, their approach to problems can lead to more chaos. And having a main character that can summon them and talk to them leads to more fun scenarios. Even the prologue has its moments of supernatural whimsy born from their meddling, both asked for and not on Luana's end.
#sidhedust rambles#I like the human cast a lot but a lot of them are not very comfortable with the non human cast#even the mages can be afriad or just want them to go away since the branch that deals with them is niche and requires a level of empathy#and understanding that's hard to extend to the neighbors#even the kind ones. to be fair to mages-one wrong move can lead to death or injury#and tbh to be a theurgist one does need a bit of alienation from fellow man to begin with#as in you need to be able to have the same compassion you have for man for these supernatural folk and creatures#which can often lead to alienation from humans since humans can treat anything that isn't human as worthless#lacking inner worlds and rich lives just because we can't access it#most people who can communicate with the other side tend to live in nature away from humans and among the animals and beings of the world#for this reason-having access to the inner worlds of supernatural beings and folk makes you dislike how easily your peers can discard-#and overlook the similarities all things that live have#grief and joy and longing and love etc etc#even other humans get discarded easily for things out of their control or for very silly things.#for this reason theurgists live 'alone' and are often ambiguously human by other mortal's standards#this has been worldbuilding and philosophy with Sidhedust
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Why I appreciate Kabru and Mithrun's relationship in the story (with pictures!)
I just want to express how much I loved reading through the chapter with the 6 days they spent together and how I think their relationship developed in a pretty sweet way.
I feel like a lot of people reduce their dynamic to "nurse and patient" and that makes me sad because I personally got a lot more from it than that.
I do wanna start off by saying I'm here appreciating their dynamic as it is in the text.
Read more (spoilers ofc):
The beginnings
When they first met, there was an air of intimidation surrounding Mithrun as the captain of the ominous Canaries. He demonstrates his proficiency as a fighter and leader which worried Kabru because he knew it would lead to the dungeon falling into elven hands once again. But this threatening aura begins to dim in Kabru's mind as they get to know each other.
Even before they fell down the hole, the both of them ended up relying on each other's abilities a number of times (when the underground governor turned out to be corrupted Mithrun defeated him and Mithrun needed Kabru's deduction skills during the battle on the first floor) which is already the beginning of a great dynamic
(Kabwu is scared but Mithrun just asks for his help)
After Cithis tasked him with "taking care of Mithrun's needs" for the time being, Kabru treated Mithrun with proper respect and doesn't take advantage of his disability, even using his title âCaptainâ when he knew Mithrun wouldnât have cared either way after learning about how he lost his desires. This is in contrast to Cithis who immediately took advantage of her position to mess around with Mithrun when she was taking care of him.
(When Cithis was put in charge of taking care of Mithrun)
The whole time Kabru is with Mithrun, he treats him like a person and more than just someone to be taken care of, as also he relies on Mithrun's fighting skills, knowledge of the dungeon, and teleportation magic.
When you reduce their dynamic to just "caretaker and patient", you're ignoring Mithrun's own capabilities and making him seem totally helpless. It actually feels rather ableist. They have a more balanced relationship with what Mithrun brings to the table than you may think. Mithrun couldn't have survived down there on his own, but it's the same for Kabru (who famously dies every time he fights)!
Kabru doesnât show signs of trying to manipulate Mithrun either, and he's no longer intimidated by him in the slightest once he learns heâs not a threat or after his life. Though he does instinctively revert to his "sparkly" persona to get Mithrun to eat the disgusting mushroom, it doesnât work so Kabru just has him eat it normally and never tries it again. This is the beginning of Mithrun unintentionally encouraging Kabru to be more honest with others.
(Kabru realizing he can chill out)
(Kabru being unreserved and Mithrun being silly)
bonus funny moment:
Bonding
Throughout the journey they talked to each other, shared things with each other, and ate with each other. And Kabru expresses genuine concern about whether Mithrun is comfortable (which is something he could live without and wasn't something the Canaries told him to do).
(Kabru showing he wants to make him comfortable by making food for him which is a very important part of the narrative)
(Kabru sharing intimate memories with Mithrun)
(Kabru initiating conversation without hesitation or worry. This part also is referencing how Mithrun shared very important details of his life with Kabru. Kabru also ends up trusting Mithrun with information about Laios despite knowing he could possibly tell the other Canaries about him and impede his plans..which he does lol they do end up knowing about Laios before meeting him.)
For a bonus Lycion implies Kabru was taking better care of Mithrun than they had been which is interesting to me.
Mithrun also shows that he has come to trust Kabru's decisions over the Canaries' when he says he wants to stay in the dungeon after fulfilling the caretaker requirement. They did talk to each other a lot, during that time. I wonder what Mithrun's Shapeshifter double of Kabru would look like now?
Here, Kabru goes out of his way to make sure Mithrun doesnât overexert himself by knocking him out after the demon leaves with Marcille (again, when his time taking care of him is already over), and I think that demonstrates an extra level of concern he holds for Mithrun.
(Kabru holding back a hellbent Mithrun)
(KNOCKOUT!)
He even managed to make Mithrun mad. It's probably because he "let the demon get away" but I think it's cute and funny because would he huff like that at anyone else? Lol
When the demon breaks through the surface
Kabru begins panicking after Laios turns into the giant monster because he's wondering if he made the right decisions etc. If Mithrun didnât care about Kabru at least a little bit, he wouldâve just left him alone when he started losing it (right after Marcille did the same thing and she is technically more to blame for empowering the demon than Kabru was for not allowing Mithrun to go after it), but he went out of his way to snap him out of it.
It also means a lot to me that Mithrun even says Kabru's name, because in Japanese you can go your entire life without referring to someone by name and it wouldn't sound wrong (just rude) and it's the first time Mithrun says Kabru's name on screen (I checked).
Though it was with a slap, I think it says a lot, because if Mithrun didnât care at all he wouldnât have done anything and left him alone. It's not like Kabru could've done anything to stop the demon. He didn't even to tell him to do anything even though Kabru looked ready for an order.
(To be honest I don't know exactly why Mithrun starts beating him up here but you can say it's another rare demonstration of emotion Kabru was able to evoke in him lol. Maybe it's payment for Kabru stopping him the first time. That can be interpreted as paying it back and/or paying it forward I think.)
The last few chapters
And in the end when Kabruâs motivating Mithrun to continue living his life, he speaks to him like theyâre friends/have no rank between them despite using the Captain title for him the whole time. Even Lycion initially gets upset that heâs acting âtoo familiarâ with Mithrun.
It feels like Mithrun changed so much in the short time he spent together with Kabru and before the final battle, and itâs thanks to Kabru that Mithrun finally starts to be able to move past his lingering obsession with the demon and begin to really heal.
This is despite the fact that he spent so much time with Milsril and the other elves who never managed to break through to him like that.
(Before Kabru) (After Kabru)
And even after his role as Mithrun's caretaker was loong complete, he still shows concern for Mithrun and tells him to take a break when he's using up all his magic to slice the Falin meat (lmao).
He didn't need to do that! But it shows how he at least slightly considers Mithrun some kind of friend.
It all culminates with Kabru helping Mithrun regain his wil to live and Mithrun confiding in Kabru. Their relationship is important. Kabru continuing to do things for Mithrun to me is more of a sign that he just plain cares about him. Isn't it normal when a friend needs medication for you to remind them to take it? I think it's like that.
Kabru is there with Mithrun when he comes out about his feelings of uselessness AND when Senshi helps him put a spin on the 'vegetable scraps' metaphor and he find meaning in his life again. He's the first one to see him cry :')
Along with the fact that it feels like Mithrun is the first person we see Kabru doesn't feel the need to change his personality with or put on airs for since Mithrun doesn't need buttering up and he won't get offended if someone were to say something socially awkward, I think they made a pretty good team!
BUT ALSO the REAL reason I became endeared to them is cute shit like this:
GOD I love them!!!!! There are so many funny sides to Mithrun Kabru was able to bring out, and really show his charm as a character. Mithrun also brings out the best in Kabru while Kabruâs the most genuine heâs been since his debut with Mithrun. We are able to see that heâs just a kind and caring person, rather than the shady obsessed guy most fans have come to believe him to be.
The true depths of their dynamic also grew on me over time :)
TLDR
All in all itâs so nice seeing how even though Mithrun is a really deadpan person, and Kabru is a really secretive and withheld person, they clearly seem to have developed some kind of bond while they traveled together and even changed each other to an extent.
Doesn't Kabru feel more honest near the end? Maybe it's because of how much he talked to and shared with Mithrun during those 6 days so candidly...because they taaaalked a looooot like wow.
They mean so goddamn much to me. I donât need them to be in a romantic relationship but I do want them to be together forever :'))) or like at least hang out when they have off time since they're still in the same country lol. Praying for Kui to make another side comic of them some time (crying).
Thanks for reading if you made it this far, I mostly arranged this because it makes me sad to see people reduce their dynamic to only one singular aspect.
Anyways ya...love 'em (heart hands)
#dungeon meshi#dunmeshi#mithrun#kabru#kabumisu#MITHRUN DESERVES MEANINGFUL RELATIONSHIPS TOO DAMMIT!!!!!#i wasn't gonna ship tag it buuut w/e#omg i just came up w something#you can reduce their dynamic...but all you'd end up with...is a nice sauce#for like..steak..get it? reduction..cooking..no ok#also for an extra i think it's highly unlikely kabru met mithrun as a kid because he showed NO signs of recognizing him when they met#like KABRU of all people would remember lol
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âMy boyfriend Calâ vibez || this man reeks of an English summer and I wanna lick it off him
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Longing for Home (1)
Mr. Crawling x Reader || feminine terms used (wedding dress đ) so I think this is for the fems... I'm sorry guys
Contents: spoilers for one of Homicipher's endings that I don't remember, NOT a part of my "Television" series (but I might make a version of this for that)
********
YOU never found your way back home. With your skin stained with red, rash-like patches, and with your body slowly conforming through regenerative cycles, your home is no longer the one you knew.
This is your home.
Your home is in this strange building.
Your home is in the room next to Mr. Silvair and Mr. Chopped's.
Your home is on one of the two hospital beds that stand next to each other.
Your home is standing in front of you.
Or crawling, rather.
He was leading you back to the room after your usual wandering, collecting cute trinkets from the piles that fell from the human world. You came back with an arm full of things, and surprisingly, the majority were makeup.
Not the major glam kind, but stuff like lip gloss, lipstick, mascara, and powdery stuff for the eyes that you can't rememberâand it hurts that you forgot what it was.
You laid them out on your bed, Mr. Crawling sitting on the ground next to you, looking at what you brought back with a puzzled look on his face.
He called all of them "things," which isn't entirely wrong.
Pop! An idea went off in your sneaky little head.
"You like me?" you asked out of the blue, turning to him with lip gloss in hand.
He tilted his head and chirped a little, ridiculing your question. "I like you? I love you many. You tired?" he asked, as if to say, "Is the fatigue messing with you?"
You laughed. He smiled. "Not tired!" you explained, then you sat down in front of him. You gestured him closer, so he did as you asked and crawled a couple of inches closer to you.
"You do something for me," you said.
"...?"
"Don't move."
...
"Don't move!!" you laughed, finally putting lipstick on him properly. He was struggling to hold still, the feeling of the lipstick irritating him.
"So cute!" you said, hoping to calm him down with a compliment as you shut the lipstick lid. "Cute! Cute!"
"Strange..." he mumbled, reaching up to wipe it off, but he didn't do it. He couldn't. Not when you said he was cute this way. "I cute...?"
You nodded, beaming brightly, and he couldn't resist it, so he didn't remove the lipstick.
As you rummaged in your little collection, you found a magazine full of ladies with white, majestic, beautiful dresses. Almost like The Bride's, but way more... lively.
No.
Way more alive.
Just how long will it take for you to lose all that feeling?
Noâif you long for it, then it must've already been missing.
The home you knew is a place you can never reach again.
That's where your heart is. That's why your chest feels so hollow.
Do you even have a heart anymore?
You pressed a hand against your chest, and you felt a pang of envy for the smiling woman and man on the front page. Technically, you were never alone. You had Mr. Crawling!
That didn't help how you felt, though.
Jealousy.
Longing, nostalgia, and jealousy.
A longing for that human feeling, a nostalgia for your childhood dreams, and jealousy, because you no longer had that within your reach while others do.
You threw the magazine over your shoulder, and you buried your face on your mattress, knees still on the floor, and you tried to get rid of the heaviness on your chest.
You didn't cry.
It just... hurts.
***
It felt like agesâMr. Crawling came in and out, bringing in various people to try and check on you after his own attempts failed. Mr. Silvair didn't do anything. He didn't know what to do. Mr. Chopped tried to console you with his silly facesâthe expressions you showed and taught him with your own faceâbut to no avail. He even dragged in Mr. Stitchâand he hates that fellowâalbeit bloody from Mr. Crawling forcing him to follow, but you didn't look up at all. He shoved Mr. Stitch right back out once he didn't work, though.
He was starting to panic. You never did this before.
He tried to think back to anyone else who you seemed to tolerate the presence of, but... oh!
The pile of pages you threw! That was the last thing that you touched before you shut yourself off!
He picked it up, looking at it with a puzzled coo. He didn't understand it, but he noticed that in most of the pages, there were people like you who were smiling happily together. He wondered why.
Oh! Maybe you wanted a new dress! Is that it?
He glanced at you and tried to show you the book again, but you only inched away. At least he knew now not to do that again....
He quickly left the room and glanced down the halls.
Then with one huff, he recited: "Clothes!"
"Clothes?"
He giggled when he saw The Bride appear.
"You hurt...?" she pointed at his face. Specifically, his mouth.
Mr. Crawling proudly showed it off, smiling. "They put it. They say I cute."
She raised a white dress, trying to offer it to him, but he shook his head.
"They sad," he said. He raised the book. "Clothes."
The Bride, elegant and poised, glanced at the book with her non-existant eyes (and head). "Wonderful! Wonderful, cute!"
"Clothes," he pointed at one of the dresses. He liked this one, specifically, where the dress wasn't as puffy as the others, but not as skinny. There were white clothes for the hands (gloves) and for the legs (stockings), and there was a strange but aesthetically pleasing clump of cloth on the back (a rose made of silk).
"They look cute, this."
"I make!" The Bride nodded eagerly. If she had a head, she'd be smiling the same way the humans in the book were. "I make, I give!"
It didn't take longâshe disappeared, and Mr. Crawling waited outside your door for only a moment until she came back with an even prettier version of the dress.
Mr. Crawling, trying to contain his excitement, chirped happily and let The Bride enter your room.
You were still there, curled over your bed, but you were putting the same red thing you put on his.
If he had eyes, they'd be sparkling. He had no idea what you did to yourself, but you looked... even better than you already did. Which is saying somethingâyou were everything to him, and now you have such a pretty shade over your eyes, and your lips were like his!
"You hurt?!" The Bride gasped again.
You let out a strained laugh. Mr. Crawling knew it wasn't a real one. "Not hurt. I... make me cute."
"You cute! Before!" The Bride said. "Cute now, cute before."
"They cute," Mr. Crawling agreed simply. "Give! Give!" he urged the ghost-woman in white.
"Give," she extended the dress to you.
You stared.
And stared.
And you... began to cry.
Mr. Crawling panicked, and so did The Bride. There you were, kneeling next to your bed with tears running down your face. Mr. Crawling immediately took his place beside you, holding your head in his hands as he tried to console you.
"I sorry," he said, but he didnât know what for. "I sorry, don't sad... I sorryâ"
He would've apologised on and on if it weren't for how the black streaks appeared from your eyes.
You looked even prettier to him.
He loved it when you smiled, but he dies a little more than he already did, figuring out that you were so pretty when you cried.
"No, no," you said, wiping the black gunk off your face. "IâI loveâ" you pointed at the dress. "Soâso wonderful, can'tâcan't.... You...!"
Your shaky hands held his face, and he didn't know what to do.
"You... kind... can't cry not," you continued to sob.
"...you kind," he mumbled in return. He's still confused, though.
***
Did this ho just assume you wanted a new dress??? Because he wasn't entirely wrong. Or maybe that's just you trying to justify it all.
Even if you tried, you can't stop crying. He doesn't comprehend the layers of what you feel yet, but he still tried, and you can't. Stop. Crying.
"You're so sweet," you began to ramble in your own language. You cupped his cheek with your hand and your lower lip trembled. "You're so sweet and nice and you always look after me and Iâagh, I can'tâI hate how nice you are, it's annoying, I love you so much," you sobbed.
He didn't understand at all. Even you yourself didn'tâyou're losing your knowledge in your own language and you can't stop crying.
You're sad. You're angry, you're missing what you used to have, you're happy, youâ
Your weeping calmed.
You realised something.
A sliver of human shame entered your face, embarrassment for crying, but as well as another thing. You can't quite tell what it is.
Mr. Crawling seemed hopeful, leaning a little closer to make sure you're okay.
You wiped your tears away and stood up, hoping they'd just forget about it.
"Thank you," you said to The Bride. She seemed confused, but so were you, so it's fine. "I appreciate. Clothes, wonderful."
"Thank you," she clasped her hands together as you took the dress away. "You are wonderful. Farewell," she hesitated but left, anyway.
"You ask they make clothes for me?" you asked Mr. Crawling, going behind the curtain that separated the two beds.
He tilted his head. "Yes."
"I appreciate," you said, wiping your face down with the blankets of the other bed.
After a moment of shuffling into the new dress, you suddenly froze.
Were you gonna cry again...?
No, noâyou were nervous.
Why?
You glanced over your shoulder to see Mr. Crawling, expectant, and, as before, confused.
You peeked your head out, and he lit up with a smile. "I unsure."
"....?" he frowned a little. "Unsure?"
~~~
"Honey, I'm not sure."
"What? Why?" he laughed. "We did agree to this, right?" he joked. You would've laughed, but right now, your thoughts were too clouded for you to even form a grin.
"Yeah, but..." you bit your tongue, wary.
Your fianceâno, your husband laughed. "Sweetheart, nothing will go wrong. It's just a superstition."
But what if it isn't?
You glanced down at yourself, clad in a shiromuku. You heard one of the guests say they'd "go home" (a superstition in Japan that they say might jinx the marriage). What if something bad happens, now?
Before you could overthink, his hands clasped over yours, his long, black hair only sealing his own black-coloured attire, his effortless ethereality catching you off guard again.
"No matter what happens, I'll be right next to you. It doesn't matter what the guests say," he said, pressing a light kiss on your knuckles.
You felt your cheeks bloom, and your heart only sunk deeper in the well of love you carried for him.
"And as much as you're adorable when you cry...." he then said, so you smacked his arm with a playful laugh. He responded with a giggle of his own and only held you closer.
"Let's head back inside, okay?" he smiled and pressed a soft kiss on your forehead. "Staying in the garden for too long might make the guests assume something."
That earned him another smack, and that made him give you another laugh.
He tucked a stray strand of hair behind your ear, but there wasn't any. He just wanted to hold your face.
He smiled.
"I love you so much."
********
This is already way too long so I'll just have to make a part 2 SIGH
#⥠azalea âĄ#homicipher#homicipher x reader#mr crawling#mr crawling x reader#fluff#light angst#homicipher fluff#idk#wedding#IDK BRUH
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Melissa hated her feelings.Â
She buried them in a chest in the 5th grade (along with her ability to express them). Other peoples' feelings on the other hand was her forte. She could process, decipher and regurgitate other peoples emotions effortlessly. This gift couldâve taken her through college, all the way to a degree in psychology. Distinguished Dr. Jefferson with a PhD and a cozy office and impressive roster of high-profile, weallthy clients was a shiny idea. Fate would have a different hand for Melissa her talents were exhausted on mediating family fights, friend group drama, and charming her way out of confronting her own feelings.Â
âFeelings.â Even saying it out loud to herself seemed silly. Something reserved for âcry babiesâ and water signs. Typical Sunday nights started tame, reading or writing fan-fiction and drinking cranapple juice. And then like clock work her father would yell her name,Â
âMELISSA!!!â Emotionless, sheâd get up dust off her Winnie the Pooh shorts and make her way downstairs. On the long walk down the hall to the stairs leading to the living room brawl, sheâd go through her check list:Â
1.) Donât cry. Â
 2.) Stay neutral; Deescalate
3.)Donât take anything personal. This isnât about you
She padded down the carpeted stairs in her old soft socks to see her mother tightlipped and tear streaked thinking,Â
âshe broke rule number 1â. Her father, Michael was proud and angry, his big belly filled with self righteousness. She knew he would be unyielding in his resolve and at this point her only option was to deescalate.
 âRule number 2â. Then her sister the water sign and calamity for the evening sat on the floor nearly fetal, face red and raw with emotion.Â
âIts not your faultâ Melissa wanted to say âYou just didnât follow the rules⌠youâre loved.â But she couldnât say that because sheâd be breaking rule number 3. It wasnât about how Melissa felt. Even though she felt like screaming,
âVANESSA, YOU DIDNâT DO ANYTHING WRONG. DADâYOU JUST HAVE PENT UP ANGER BECAUSE YOU GREW UP IN THE HOOD OF DETROIT AS A BLACK MAN IN THE 60s AND 70s. YOU NEED A HEALTHY OUTLET LIKE.. I DONT KNOW⌠THERAPY?!?!?! THIS IS A WASTE OF ALL OF OUR TIME. I LITERALLY JUST WROTE THE BEST SAILOR SATURN x CHIBI USA FANFICTION EVER AND THIS IS KILLING MY VIBE!â
Instead, she decide to hear every one out. She decided to help. To calm her dragon of a father down. To be a translator for her emotional sister. To not take it personal. To stay neutral. To not cry.Â
9 years later, at her fathers funeral she still never broke the rules. She played her flute and spoke at his memorial. She was present for her mother because it wasnât about her. When other peoples' emotions bubbled up she stayed neutral. She sat through both services and she did not cry. It wasnât until she excused herself to make a phone call outside did she collapse onto the stairs of the funeral home and weep alone in the cold Detroit snow.Â
Itâs okay to break the rules sometimes, she reminded herself. As long as no one else sees it.
Traumas began to compact on Melissa, as they do. Humans tend to collect traumas like pebbles on a long hike. We toss them into our backpacks and keep moving forward. Some hikers would falter, but Melissa was built for this. Sheâd carried the stones of her familyâs traumas uphill for years. She was strong.Â
When men began to befriend and reject her, saying âyouâre too good for meâ but not too good to make them feel good. She carried that.Â
When childhood friends began to cut off the strings of her heart, saying âWe canât be friends anymoreâ. She carried that.
When her family separated like dandelion seeds, it seemed like theyâd never be together again. Melissa slept on so many couches, floors and car seats sometimes she didnât know if sheâd see them again.Â
She carried that.Â
Dying was never an option though sometimes she didnât mind the thought of it. Peace and warmth were two things sheâd desperately yearned and hadnât felt fully since the womb. Then one night in the pitch black of the hot, sweaty, roach-infested studio in southeast Houston she slept in she wondered:
âWhy canât I break the rules?â Sheâd seen everyone else in her life break them like popsicle sticks. And she didnât just want to break the rules, she wanted to break them boldly and loudly and annoyingly and honestly and sloppily like every one else gets to do. It was in that moment, tucked in a thin jacket inside of an 8-foot high instrument cubby in the inky darknessâit hit her.Â
âIs my suffering for a high purpose? Or is my suffering trying to kill me?âÂ
She cried.Â
She escalated.Â
She took it personal.Â
But it wasnât enough. She wanted to scream in a microphone in a sea of shadowy faces. She drank whiskey and wove her pain into rock music.Â
âMusic is my boyfriendâ she declared. The only man that kept his baggage to hisself. And it healed her. It gave her voice reason and purpose.Â
The pebble-laden hike became lighter with time. The incline eventually evened out to flat, beautiful landscapes where the breeze finally met her back. She knew it wasnât gonna be easy or sunshine but even the rain cleansed her and it was beautiful too.Â
Somewhere in the rain she decided rules were meant to be built and broken. Like trust and love and friendships and families. Because every thing deserves the opportunity to change and grow.Â
So... She broke rule number 1 on stage while singing a beautiful song. Dr. Jefferson (PhD) screamed for her to stop but she didnât listen and the tears flowed like rivers of emotion down her cheeks.Â
Rule number 2Â was broken when she grew older and saw the injustices of the world. Marching with hundreds in protest she realized not everything needs to be pacified.Â
And one day when she finally fell in love, she broke rule number 3. No matter how much training sheâd done she couldn't help but take every thing her lover said and did personal. But it was ok. Because in all her resistance she realized breaking rules was her power.Â
Melissa began to fall for her feelings. Her feelings gave life purpose. They werenât always logical, as feelings seldom are. They were sloppy and embarrassing and rude and so fucking uncomfortable. But they were hers. And they were real. And when she sat alone sipping wine, staring at the moonâŚThey were the only ones still by her side. Ready to break the rules for her because they loved her.Â
And she finally loved them back.Â
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