#So I don’t… especially care about Rey if I’m honest

[corellianhounds]

The Last Jedi AU: Ignore whatever’s supposed to happen or where people are in this movie. Paige Tico is foiled in her attempt to release the bombs that would take out the First Order ship. Her ship is boarded and she’s taken onboard the Star Destroyer as a captive intelligence officer, but before she’s captured she’s able to relay a covert message to Rose telling her what happened.

Instead of the diversion to Canto Bight, Rose is the one with the knowledge of splicing into Imperial ships and she and Finn impulsively plan to jet over to the Star Destroyer in an escape pod Rose had been experimenting with a cloaking device on, the two of them breaking in on their own.

Finn finds Poe to tell him of Paige’s capture and his and Rose’s plan. Poe knows that he can’t condone or contribute resources to it and knows for a FACT Leia won’t allow it, despite the fact Paige is a friend and the same rank he is. He’s torn between getting her back but needing to stay and lead, so he he tells them to take BB-8 and does that Mr. Incredible thing where he tells Finn and Rose what “NOT” to do to get into an Imperial flagship, him planning the distraction from the outside and still screwing with Hux over the comms and keeping eyes turned his way as Finn and Rose sneak onboard to find Paige.

Can you imagine if like they manage to get into some labs while they’re doing recon and Finn senses something? Can you imagine him hesitating as they move, telling Rose they have to go back while she’s hissing for him to keep moving? Her either hacking into the tech to redirect First Order troops away from their location, or going off to find her sister herself while Finn stays behind? Finn finding schematics and draftings alongside old codexes and scrolls before eventually coming to the humming, fractured kyber crystal in the next room, hanging suspended in midair above the equipment? Realizing as he’s digging through the odd mix of both scientific and semi-magical texts what it’s for, but that Ren hasn’t been able to force it to conform to his needs, too unstable to be housed even in his own lightsaber? Finn starting to configure and piece things together even as Rose tells him they’re running out of time?

As they’re sneaking around, gathering pertinent information to the plot and finding Ren’s plans for Rey and Skywalker, they’re nearly caught— Surrounded by First Order troops and with seemingly no way out, Rose and Finn prepare for the worst, when all of a sudden one of the troops goes rogue and eliminates all of their fellow officers instead. Paige Tico managed to escape and had disguised herself, just happening to be lucky enough to run into them in the lower levels. Paige tells them of some of the other rebel prisoners aboard the ship she was planning to break out, and the three of them, finally united, start plotting their means off Ren’s flagship when they overhear Hux in the corridor talking about Ren meditating in some inner sanctum with an order to be left alone with his own retinue on pain of death as he searches the Force or whatever for the location of Rey and Skywalker

Back onboard the New Republic ship Poe and Leia confer with the other generals as to what the Sith’s next move is going to be when they receive an incoming transmission from Kylo Ren himself.

As Kylo Ren and Leia Organa face off in what was to be their last confrontation, the tone and gravitas of their conversation somber, something flickers over the feed, and everybody on the New Republic ship’s bridge sees a blinding arc of light as one of the First Order troops behind Ren steps out of line and carves a blade of shimmering green in a downward arc directly behind him.

Outraged and caught off guard, Ren blocks the attack with his own blade, both lightsabers flickering with different energies, and as Finn’s voice shouts over the holo Poe realizes that not only has Finn given them an opening to hit Ren’s flagship, he may have even been able to stop this war in its tracks.

[ask-missparker]

The Swap… // Marvel Fanfic ⚖️⏳🪤

Pairing: Baddie Amelia and Good Mia

Summary: This is a good and bad to everyone, especially in those who you believe are not..

Characters mentioned: The Young Avengers, SHIELD, Petra etc

———

Weeks past.

No winds, no roofing, no calls nor anything. She was beginning to think no one is coming to get her.

The memories came rolling back from her head. Slylvie, the explosive, and the doppelgänger in her place. 

Speak of the lady in question—

Amelia walked into the room with a burger, drink and new set of clothes. Mia looked at her and raised an eyebrow, despite being stuck here, she is being treated fairly…

“Well, you look like you slept well.” Amelia said putting the burger on the bed and the drink in the table, “I know you will be hungry.

“Not hungry…” Mia stated, “..what are you doing here? Ready to tease and talk my ear off again? Do you even know what you’re doing here? You’re just some mindless fool with my face!”

“Am I?”

“Yes! You’re helping Slylvie.”

“No I’m not…well, not exactly. She’s got her own personal plans and so do I.”

“And might those be?”

“Saving you.”

Mia paused in confusion. She had no idea what she was talking about. Saving her?! She was stuck here and her people were out there being saddened by some goddesses. Amelia watched her face in confusion and concern. She had her own personal plan here to save Mia and help the others here. She was just being subtle about it.

“Excuse me?” Mia questioned sitting up on the bed.

“I’m trying to be nice here! I’m trying to save you before things go from bad to worse!” Amelia exclaimed, “You think they will care about you when they sense who you really are? You don’t know your future or your worth here Mia!”

“What are you talking about?”

“I’m not a mindless fool. I’ve seen what you become and a version of that world…it’s cruel, selfish, secretive and dangerous…it’s why I became who I am today and decided to play with Slylvie. I didn’t like what she was doing here. But I saw that she done, made it clear enough for an opportunity here.”

“Explain. Cause you sound nuts! Your wrong..”

“I’ve seen what we become…how strong, sweet, beautiful, kind and smart we are. You will be betrayed or you’ll do the betrayal, you will be punished and hurt! Mistreated and not worth others time…and in fear of that, you run. You leave because everything you ever wanted, needed, and cared for is ripped apart from you!”

Mia paused, “…why do you sound like you speak from experience? Like you seen a versions of this..?”

“Cause I have. You will understand someday, cause I can’t tell you everything or who I am exactly...everything and everyone you meet will turn your world upside down, for better or for worse..” Amelia explained taking a seat on the bed across from her.

“So what’s your play? Why keep me here?”

“For I can do what you won’t do. I want you to stop this nonsense, understand the importance of who you choice as a team…”

“…what do you mean?”

“Liane, Rick, Rei, Luna…Rochelle, Cass..the list goes on! They don’t know who they really are, nor do they have the slightest clue of it. They are holding back several years of secrets and lies, that will break them. Not let them flourish into who they are meant to be..”

“What did you do?!”

“Not what I did. Slylvie. She hurt them—well to be honest, they were already hurt to be beginning with and need help.”

“I did try to help them. I gave tried to give them an education, brought them together, a home—”

“You did.”

“But?”

“They need more than that…they don’t care about you or SHIELD, or anything per se. Unless it’s for their own personal benefit and development purposes—”

“What do you mean? Rochelle, Liane, Rick and the others are good people…traumatized and hurt but still..”

Amelia nodded that she was right about what said but point out that last part, “That’s the point! They are all traumatized and scared to actually speak to each other, all a bit selfish! So once they realize what you truly are and what the world has in store for them, they will turn on you…and each other.”

Mia glared, “What are you getting at? What are you doing while I’m stuck in here.”

“They need to understand one another. Let others in and heal before they can save the world and one another’s lives.”

“Okay…? How do you mean on doing that?”

“More like what I did. Because I am a verisons of you, I went the distance. I got them a mutant therapist.”

Mia blinked and scoffed, “Wait what? You got them at…”

“A therapist. Someone will help them and you…you are all traumatized.” Amelia winced.

“I am not!”

“Denying it is normal. Mia, sweetheart, you don’t know what the world has in store for you. Your life will never be the same again, I am warning you, get out before you can! Or else you will turn into me..”

“I will never turn into you!” She spat with a glare.

She nodded, “I am trying to help you here. And them! You don’t get it do you?”

“No you don’t get it! The people who I brought together are good and they are fine! And my life is my business! My choice, you don’t get to decide what I do here.”

“Do you really think they will accept you or each other once they find out who they really are? You know better than anyone who trust can ever make or break a relationship…”

“…I..no…they won’t…I saw how they are…they are all very different and secretive people…hell, their personalities and pasts aren’t too pretty…they weren’t very keen on being a team or SHIELD or anything for that matter…”

“You see? You know I’m right here…people are afraid of change and control..sometimes they need a push. That’s where I come in..”

“What are you gonna do to them…?”

Amelia could see the way Mia’s facial expression changed and softened. How they are both too sides of the same coin, knowing that the world and the people around them aren’t good. So many things she wants to say to her but won’t. She wishes that Mia would get out while she can, run and not have the future she is destined to live. But she can’t change that, even in her world of The Framework, she can’t change it.

She knows that one day she will understand why she tried to threaten her and keep her safe. But she can’t do that. She has a job here to do.

After a moment Amelia spoke, “I am not going to hurt them. I promise you that. Look, a few days, there is a Ball. I don’t know much of what the other people will do, it’s not my business or nor do I care. But I need to push theses heroes to their limits and work towards a similar goal to make them stronger. Beat their enemies and get to really know one another.”

“You’re double crossing the others to help the heroes…protect them?” Mia questioned.

“Garret and whoever else is making it do it. I am not pleased about it. Hell, i don’t care about what the others will do. As long as no one is hurt.”

“So what are you gonna do, huh?”

“I hired Petra Summers, the therapist for a reason. To push their limits and get to know the team, none of them can beat their enemies if they are fighting their own battles…”

“It won’t work..”

“It might. I have faith. If Petra and I can actually get them to actually play together, really know they are that night..they will be one step closer to healing and better yet, doing the world a bit of good.”

“Why are you doing this? Why are you keeping me here and telling me your plan?”

“Cause I know you’re too young and innocent to do it. You haven’t lived yet or seen the hardships that people face…hell, Mia, you have your own problems and questions about yourself that you are too busy or scared to answer yourself.”

Mia looked away, not wanting to admit to what she was saying. She doesn’t know who this verisons of who was, but knowing what she is hearing, Amelia knew a thing or two about what she was talking about. She has her own personal story, questions about herself and opinions onto your path or who to trust.

Yet she is faithful of the good and bad. She was tired, annoyed and frustrated at this point. She just wanted to be out.

“What are you gonna do to me? When are you gonna release me for here?” She mumbled.

“When I know Petra has done her job.” Amelia responded, “Sometimes you need to wake up and smell the roses to realize you need a little help.”

“I um…”

“And sometimes you have to be a little bad to do it.”

Amelia’s intentions were decidedly different yet somehow good, even if they weren’t exactly executed in a nice way. Some may say what she’s doing as horrible but if you look closely at what she’s trying to do, it’s probably not that bad, depending on who’s looking at the tale. She believes in mutants, humans and inhuman all living together in one world in order to do good.

She sees potential in people. She tries to protect others and herself at times.

So it’s why she hired Petra. The redhead may not say she’s a hero, but she is.

~~~~~

Ahhh I don’t know what I am doing 😂 this was an interesting piece.

Anyways let me know what you think 💭

Tags: @rickb-chaos @purpleprincessonfyre @marvelsfavoriteuncle @therealdaydreamstark @ask-missparker @ask-starrk @askstevella @sci-fi-lexcon @luna-d-marsh @ethan-lensherr @wizzzardofoz z @thechoooooosenone @jackiequick @gcthvile @cherrysft @blueboirick @meiramel @elzabeth-stark @missstrawbs2001 @trulysummersprivate @yetanotherwells @gaminggirlsstuff

[parachutingkitten]

I’m gonna be honest it just sounds like you’re calling Sora a Mary Sue and I really don’t care for that because of how much the Mary Sue ‘critique’ is rooted in misogyny. I just don’t care at all for the term ‘sympathy card’ in regards to female characters when fandom and even society is just overwhelmingly critical of women. Like Misako for example.

I'm not gonna discount the idea that I don't like Sora because of some sort of internalized misogyny. It's certainly possible, and at the very least shouldn't be eliminated as a contributing factor. But I do think there's a bit more to my criticism than that.

For those who don't know, Mary Sue is a term that sprung up describing a particular brand of bad female character that's often a little too self insert-y. They're good at everything, naturally beautiful, have close to no actual flaws, and generally just don't feel like a real person. For the record, this is bad writing, and are valid things to criticize about any given character. Unfortunately, it has kind of been co-opted by idiots who just want a fancy way to hate on female characters, especially if they think they're 'too empowered'. This is not at all a valid criticism. The most prominent example of this sort of thing is probably Rey in the new Star Wars movies. A lot of people had criticisms that essentially boiled down to "her jedi powers are too powerful" which is kinda whack. Additionally, you'll notice that this criticism being used to describe solely female characters is a bit whack as well. The fact that even the original version of the criticism is specifically about female characters does taint it a bit. All characters can feel fanfic-y, unflawed, and overly bland no matter the gender. For this reason, even if I do feel a character fits the Mary Sue criticism, I try to avoid the term. It's fine that the name originated from a female character, but the fact that it's seen as a female only criticism inherently makes the criticism slightly suspect.

Anyway, back to ninjago.

As for your misako example, I feel like she's a prime target for a mary sue criticism. She's overly kind and composed at all times. She's so attractive that she's the center of a decades long love triangle. She's pretty much good at everything she picks up, and rarely ever has a moment where the narrative criticizes her. That fits a lot of the mary sue criticisms, and I will say that her having a few more flaws, getting into a messy divorce, or being paranoid about how leaving her kid affected him, would probably make her a better and more interesting character. I don't really think she's too overpowered, I think it all seems pretty believable for her circumstances, but if she were to become a more prominent cast member, I could see the need to nerf her a bit. Now, the important thing to note here is that none of this information should make you hate her like... personally, as a character. You should not demonize her for being poorly written. The misako vitriol is way crazy, and though it all sources from some sort of valid criticism, it ends in people making hate posts about her, vilifying her, and blaming her for a bunch of other stuff she isn't even responsible for, when she is entirely a victim of bad writing and nothing else. The way things are presented in narrative, she has done nothing wrong. She made a hard moral choice about her kid a long time ago, which has since been long forgiven, and she's been a saint since then. There is no actual reason to hate her. Again, it's the writers who should be absorbing that frustration from you.

And this is the problem we run up against when talking about characters who circle anywhere near mary sue territory. Most of the time, there are valid criticisms at the core of whatever we're talking about, but if you express them incorrectly, you run the risk of riding a hate train you don't mean to be on. I would like to make clear that no matter what I'm saying here, I don't hate Sora personally. I'm just not connecting with her- and that's fine. Most importantly, in no way do I blame her for that, I blame the (male) writers who had majority control over her portrayal. If anything, I think Sora deserves better.

Now, I listed a lot of reasons I don't like Sora, but admittedly a lot of them boil down to her feeling very main character-y, which is in fact adjacent to a Mary Sue criticism. However, I made this pretty clear in the post that these tend to be tropes I just don't personally latch on to. I hated Lloyd for years while his shtick was the whole "I'm the most important person in the world and it's so hard" thing, but that mellowed out in the eleven minute era and I like him a lot better now! I tend not to like Kai's main character moments. I absolutely despise Jay in Skybound, and Cole isn't particularly interesting in MotM to me. Main characters just aren't my jam. I like Sora much better in season two, when her struggle isn't centered on how important she is, just like all these other characters. So, I think this line of criticism is pretty typical for me, regardless of gender.

The other factor at play is the entire show of Dragon's Rising. I am not connecting with it. I think a lot of the show tends to be signaling the right story beats to gain sympathy and feel deep. It's not a Sora specific criticism. I have a whole long rant about the nightmare scene specifically and several thoughts on how they handle Lloyd's panic attacks which I feel sort of encapsulate my feelings towards a lot of the writing in general. It's surface level. It doesn't have ideas it really wants to share, it has time to fill and some topics they've seen better media cover, and so feel they should include to be meaningful. It feels very by the book. They've plugged in the equation for good storytelling without adding anything to it. And this is how I feel about Sora as well, go figure. I don’t think they wanted to tell a story about a child genius who gets their work turned against them in order to express any ideas or explore any concepts, they did it cuz it's cool, and sounds like a dramatic storyline. It's a bunch of cliche's, unfortunately one's that I'm not partial to, slapped together with no new twist or spark to them. It's fine. It's competent. It's just not interesting to me.

In that way, I think my criticisms are Mary Sue adjacent. It feels a little fanfic-y. The characters feel like they're made to be "ninjago but like with angst you guys!" But this goes for a lot of the other characters too, not just Sora. Lloyd is pretty bad about this in part 2, I'm already getting these vibes from Jay, Arin slips into it in part 2 and I think Nya has it a bit across the board. But Sora, being the main character for season 1, unfortunately feels the most main character-y.

I understand that 'sympathy cheat code' might sound a little dismissive, so if you prefer you can reword my criticism to "does not utilize the backstory tropes they've included in a way that feels genuine or deeper than surface level". But you've got to admit, Sora does have, just a bunch of those feel bad tropes in her backstory, and a lot of the screentime is dedicated to laying that backstory out to you in season one. I am not accustomed to ninjago being a feel bad show. That's not what I'm in this game for. It's the reason I hate skybound. I didn't like it when they did it to jay, and I don't like it when they do it to sora. It just feels a little repetitive to me. None of these cliche's really shine as being particularly well done either, aside from maybe the climax where she turns away from her parents? But even then, I don't feel it was really built up to especially well. The main relationship she seems to care about is Dr. LaRow, not her parents. She seemed pretty secure in her identity when separated from Imperium, so asserting it doesn't mean a whole lot. We don't feel betrayed by her parents, because we never got to like them in the first place. That wasn't a support system we ever saw her benefit from, so her leaving it behind doesn't really mean much. These same tropes could have been played a lot better if they just had a bit more depth to their implementation that actually invited you to care beyond a surface level.

If you've seen the mega video, you'll know I don't typically relate to female characters who have a pronounced tough cynical streak in them, but am sure to make clear that it's just a character type preference. The stem girl isn't a bad character type at all, just pretty overplayed at this point in time (again, because i think male writers see it as an easy way to be clear they want to empower their female characters).

Idk. I think Sora's writing is a little hollow. I also think Dragons Rising's writing is a little hollow. I can see how those criticisms might come off a little iffy in isolation but, the ask was about Sora, so that's largely what I focused on. I think the criticism makes sense within the larger context of my opinions as a whole.

[moonspirit]

i had a lot of fun making the previous music hcs so here’s some more for other characters. (i really tried to pick popular songs or songs that have trended at one point but um.. maybe i didn’t?)

eren- last resort, papa roach.

OH GODDDDD HES EVEN WORSE THAN ARMIN PLEASE DONT GIVE HIM THE AUX.. he genuinely thinks listening to that god awful song makes him cool, he’s all like “heh.. 😈 that? it’s just my go go juice.. 😏” when someone catches him listening to it. like no. GET OUT. AND TAKE THAT SONG WITH U.

mikasa- twilight, bôa.

i personally think she would be a swiftie, however i’m not one myself so i can’t really say much about that. i think she would LOVVEEE this song, it’s my favourite bôa song. GOD I LOVE BÔA!!! they also made duvet so she might also like that. also imo she’d be a twilight fan (the movies/books) so yknow.. name is fitting. she’d probably listen to it while placing a curse on someone or summoning bahpomet or something.

sasha- just a waste, pinkpantherress.

now there were a few songs by pinkpatheress i could’ve picked for sasha but i decided to go with my personal favourite, if u haven’t heard it then u can thank me when u do. (it’s unreleased but it is on spotify as an episode)

she wouldn’t even notice if the song started playing because she’s so preoccupied with her food but if someone mentioned the song she’d be like “omgg!! yes i love that song!!” 

ymir- carmen, lana del rey.

i LOVVEEE lana del rey she’s my favourite person ever, id sell my friends and family for a cup of her bath water. sorry i get weird with her 😭 anyway!! call me biased but i hc ymir as a lana del rey fan. she’d also like A&W by lana. she probably listens to her mostly while drunk, she’d be yelling (yelling. not singing. yelling.) the lyrics. she’d be so loud u can’t even hear the song anymore.

floch- closer, nine inch nails. 

i love NIN, especially that song. and so would floch! not for the right reasons tho.. if a pretty girl walks past him he’d play the “i wanna fuck u like an animal” part and mouth the lyrics. he learned from his mistakes after his second visit to the police station. he doesn’t learn enough tho because he constantly corners girls and says “hey girl.. u wanna the song closer a reality? heh.. together..? 😏” yeah he probably has an STD he was gonna pass onto those poor girls. (good thing they have enough sense to say no)

hange- 19-2000, gorillaz.

idk i think she’d like whimsical and strange songs like that. i tried to pick a more mainstream one in the hopes that u know it.. time will tell. if we’re being honest she would listen to “unidentified creature eats u alive asmr (u enjoy it, 18+)” or something like that instead of music in her free time (no it doesn’t exist.. or at least i hope so)

marco- mr.loverman, ricky montgomery.

isn’t he just the sweetest. i don’t care for marco he’s just there but for some reason i have the urge to hc him as a barb.. his fav nicki song is def super freaky girl.. idk why. anyway back to mr.loverman!!!! he would also like line without a hook by ricky (it’s that one “she’s a she’s a lady” song) he’s like one of 5 ricky montgomery fans. 

miche- hey sexy lady, shaggy.

i love miche he’s so underrated, we didn’t get to see a lot of him so i don’t have much to base his music taste off of. but this is what i decided on.. yeah it was 100% based on his looks. i would’ve liked to give him a spanish song cuz i hc him as having a bit of latino in him but i think hey sexy lady is spanish enough for him. maybe he’d like gasolina by daddy yankee. (okay you HAVE to know gasolina i’d be so surprised if u didn’t)

hitch- partition, beyoncé.

oh god do NOT play this song while she’s within earshot.. she WILL do a strip show and start pole dancing and she WILL expect to be applauded for at least a solid 3 minutes after her performance. don’t blame her tho it’s a rlly good song. i think she’d also like donk by beyoncé. 

erwin- sway, michael bublé.

he’s the one who introduced elvis to levi but i think sway would be his favourite. he doesn’t have a lot of time to listen to music so when he can he pours himself a nice bottle of wine usually reserved for the military police, locks himself in his office, and (very fittingly might i say) sways to this song. he usually ends up spilling his wine but he has too much fun to complain.

this is a lot of people but i got carried away 🙏 anyway PLEASE PLEASE tell me what songs u didn’t know i can’t function i keep wondering about something!

Okay, I've kept you hanging for like, AGES now, I'm sorry 💀

But man! Listening to all these and giggling at the mental image of these silly idiots being lovably pathetic was a fucking fire tonic for a sickness xD

Eren DOES seem the type to listen to... fucking, Papa roach lmao. It makes him look edgy and emo and cool and on the verge of all those "feelings" he's always saying nobody else understands. The only person who thinks he's cool is himself and everybody else is just tired of his shit taste in music. He'll have to marry a Mama Roach if he wants to keep listening to that, because no-one else is taking him lmao.

On that note, Floch too follows in Eren's noble and brave footsteps by listening to... yeah. He's never seen a condom in his life and now that he has, he doesn't want to see it again and runs like it's some trap laid by the Good People against a "hot satan" like himself. According to him this is the best pick up song and best bedroom song and best aftercare song and doesn't understand why people run from him.

Mikasa and Sasha omg! Mikasa wandering through dark foggy forests with her amulets and summoning spells to the tune of this song before conjuring the most terrifying creature imaginable and calling it "a good boy" seems very fitting. But sasha! Omg Sasha, I can just picture her playing this song while pottering around her kitchen making a burger or a sandwich, singing along and shaking her butt to the beat haha xD So cute ajsgsgjw.

Ymir being a Lana Del Ray girl surprised me tbh! I had this thought that she's more of a Cigarettes After Sex type of person but... Well, maybe the two intersect at some point xD I also like thinking she likes listening to songs that often sound cynical and critical of the world - idk why, don't ask me to explain xD

Hitch would like stripper vibe songs. They make her feel like she's in her game in tip top shape! But I also like to think she'd enjoy some lo-fi city pop music for late night drives either solo or with friends. Somehow the mental picture of her in technicolour sunglasses driving through a cyberpunk city is very appealing to me 💀 sorry

Hanges taste sent me flying to MARS OMFG xD She would!! She wooouuuuld! Love! Strange songs!!!! Especially kreature songs!!!! And alien fetish(?) ASMR that would make any ordinary person hurl their earpieces at the wall, but not Hange. Not Hange, because the weirder and more surreal it is, the harder she loves it! Listen listen I think she would be the first one to appreciate movies like Shape of Water and related themes!

Oh she also likes those "10 hours of precambrian era sounds" and "20 hours of Jurassic era nature sounds" etc.

Marco wholesome. He likes songs that blast you with a big wave of good vibes. Also he's biiiiiig on the nostalgia. The older a song is, the more he enjoys it, especially If he has personal memories attached to it! I also see him as the type to really dig those "Most Wondrous Music" playlists on youtube even leaving encouraging comments below and engaging in YouTube comment poetry (it's me I was part of that community of people 🙃).

Erwin and Mike tho. The big people of the bunch. Their tastes are fitting. I hc Erwin as a bit of a classical music man too, but as far as they both go, at some point they discover that the youngsters are very fond of a particular song, and they too become fans of it.

[comfortabletogether]

2nd time again sorry but can write DRA another girls and then have a situation where there S/O keep accidentally hugging them when they go to be wake them up

if I’m being completely honest, I think I terribly misunderstood this prompt. I interpreted it as a S/O who randomly hugs the girls. So if it’s terribly wrong and you want it fixed feel free to dm me!!

I realize i did read this horribly wrong and I’m sos sorry, I will remake this eventually.

Warnings: Light spoilers

~ Mod Haruhiko ✈️

Kizuna Tomori

⭐️ Kizuna is so touch starved, she doesn’t even know how to react when you first hug her. She just stands there and cries but when you ask she just says that she had something in her eye.

⭐️ Her relationship with you was the first time she had ever been able to open out and be vulnerable, she’ll probably try and shove you off the first few times you try and hug her. But she’ll start accepting them after a little while.

⭐️ Kizuna loves your hugs and after a little bit of time she’ll start to get pissy if you don’t hug her that day.

Kiyoka Maki

🏹 Oh my god! Physical touch is her love language as well! The first time you hug her, she will try and lift you up and spin you around, and spoiler alert! It doesn’t go very well.

🏹 But from this day forward the two of you have an unspoken competition to see who can hug each other the most. And she’s the Ultimate Sharp Shooter. So you are really in for a treat. She’ll commit a lot of sneak attacks

🏹 Kiyoka just loves hugs all around. Unlike Rei, she’ll do it in public without any hesitations. She has no shame when it comes to light PDA.

Akane Taira

🫧 Another touch starved girlie, she also cries when you first hug her because she has barely ever had gotten physically affection from her life as she grew up in an orphanage and then she served Utsuro, someone who wasn’t keen on anything.

🫧 Akane loves you so much and she’ll probably end up copying your mannerisms of constant physical affection. And despite this Akane will always blush a deep red when you hug her.

🫧 Although she loves you to no end, Akane would end up feeling slightly overwhelmed by the affection every so often. But she stilled loved to be my your side even when she feels overwhelmed.

Ayame Hatano

👟 Ayame gets so embarrassed and blush when you first hug her. Despite being hugged a ton platonically. She love you and Ayame just doesn’t know how to handle it.

👟 She had never been good with romance before and she wasn’t good at it starting then either. But Ayame loves when you surprise her with hugs especially on days she’s just feeling overall really down about everything.

👟 Ayame loves when you hug her after a race even after she has already told you not to over and over because she’s sweaty but always do so anyways because you love her and don’t care if she’s a little stinky.

Mikako Kurokawa

🔮 ANOTHER TOUCH STARVED GIRL. Please give Mikako all your love, she deserves it. She won’t cry when you first do it, as she’s become used to hugs thanks to Yamato.

🔮 Mikako will though cry when the two of you are alone in her room. The two do you sitting in comfortable silence and then you just hug her. It sparks a deeply rooted sense of love in her. And she truly just wanted to tell you how much she loves you in the moment.

🔮 But in public Mikako will gladly accept your hugs but will get embarrassed when one of the girls end up teasing her over it. 

Rei Mekaru

🥼 Rei Mekaru will shove you off of her in public the first time you try. And the second. And the third. She loves that you’re physically affectionate but she also says that she was a reputation to uphold and will not let you hug her in public.

🥼 Hug her all you any when it’s the two of you. She will gladly accept them and will very often roll her eye in the mist love struck way possible. But she’ll claim that she only tolerates your affections

🥼 Rei loves you and despite her denials her love for you is very clear. Even though she has an extremely cold exterior fronting.

[cosmiclion]

From the news I read I’m surprised they’ll welcome Miri’s mom return in future episodes. I guess it isn’t that much of a stretch considering that Miri would eventually want to see her mother again. Though I’m interested to see how it will go. Her mom made it clear she doesn’t want to continue caring for her. Miri will be crushed of course. If that happens I just hope she remembers she has a new family now and her support network is larger then before. Miri’s mom doesn’t seem as horrible as other abusive anime parents. I mean Miri wouldn’t be as cheerful and energetic as she should if her mother at least took care of her enough to not realize her growing hatred. I could tell from her first appearance she’s a very broken woman, trying to live her dreams singing in a shady bar in the red light district, loving a man who shows blatant abuse towards her. It was for the best that Miri left her and stayed in the care of adults who will look after her needs with no regrets. Otherwise she’ll be faced with abuse and regret should Miri continue living with her.

Hi! Uh... first of all I'd like to offer my sincerest apologies for taking ages to answer this, I've been a little too busy with school and general chores plus I really didn't know how to put my thoughts into words 😭 I know it's pretty pointless to answer your specific ask by now since the show has already progressed and ended but I still didn't want to leave this ignored, and if you don't mind I'll take the opportunity to offer some thoughts.

Now that the show has ended I see why they made the choices they made and they make a lot of sense given the context of the story. I personally don’t have any complaints about the writing but I think Misaki deserved better. I'm sad she died but I understand why it happened, I suppose with her arc going that route it wouldn't have made sense for her to survive in a show where nobody's safe from violent criminals who are willing to murder women and children to get them out of their way. Still, I don't think she needed a big change of heart, I think she was already a great character as she was (it also rubs me the wrong way that some people started viewing her as a good person only once she started making an effort to do things right but I digress).

I'll be honest, I'm not a huge fan of the "unwilling parent learns to love their kid and learns to be a good parent so that they can finally be a happy family" narrative. It just doesn’t sit right with me, maybe I’m reading too much into it but the message I get from these kind of stories is that anyone can be a good parent/caretaker with enough help and resources and in the right place mentally and emotionally (ESPECIALLY because that's an argument people use in real life for why they think everyone should have kids, or hell, even as an anti abortion argument; like that's not an exaggeration, I've seen them saying pretty much the exact same thing), when the sad reality is that sometimes kids are just unwanted. I sincerely wish the show had acknowledged that some people just don’t want to be parents even when they already are, I know it’s not pretty but these things need to be talked about in fiction.

I also think it would’ve fit the story perfectly: we would’ve had an example of horrible abusive parents (Rei’s father), amazing loving parents (Rei and Kazuki themselves) and parents who do their best but would still rather be doing anything else (Misaki; as you said, Miri wouldn’t be as cheerful if her mother hadn't kept her unhappiness to herself). Maybe I’m biased, I don’t know, but I’m really starved for this kind of content. As a friend of mine as well as a few other people have said, we need more situations like in Matilda, where the bio parents admit they aren't fit for the role and happily sign away their parental rights.

(Granted that if Misaki hadn't popped back into Miri's life she wouldn't have died like that, as she got targeted precisely because she was with Miri, that's why I say I understand why the writers made the choices they made).

I also wish they hadn't given her cancer if they were going to kill her off anyway, give the poor woman a break lol.

If you (not you the asker but you as in anyone reading this) disagree with me that's perfectly okay, and let me reiterate that I do NOT think this is bad writing, I'm just tired of seeing this trope over and over again; but any angry asks or comments will be ignored and deleted.

(Edited to add some more thoughts).

[estellamiraiauthor]

The Stars May Rise and Fall: The Annotated Re-read (Chapter 20)

So, Chapter 20! According to my Kindle we are 45% of the way done with the book, but there are only 34 chapters… these chapters are definitely getting longer as we go, and I think that’s a good thing. I think the last half of the book is much better written than the first half, but that’s probably something to discuss in Chapter 21. As always, spoilers under the cut!

This is a really important chapter, because I think this is really where Rei decides he’s not going to have any secrets from Teru anymore, and the relationship dynamic really changes completely. But that’s getting a little ahead of myself… we start with Teru leaving the party at 2am or so, needing to apologize to Rei no matter what. I’m actually not sure why he doesn’t CALL Rei… he just goes to his apartment and starts ringing the doorbell, which seems like kind of an odd choice. I’m not sure if there was a reason for it or not. Maybe the idea was that he didn’t think Rei would answer if his name came up? I don’t know. But after a lot of knocking and ringing the doorbell, Rei DOES answer. He says he was asleep… I’m not sure if that’s true, but he was definitely at least in bed, TRYING to sleep, and probably takes so long getting to the door because he has to get the minimum amount of “dressed” that he needs to be to feel comfortable doing so. This was something I was careful about throughout… with all of the characters but especially with Rei, because how he dresses, the extent to which he feels he needs to “disguise” himself says a lot about his  emotional state in any given scene, and about how much he trusts Teru and whoever else might be present. So here I think he had to make some quick choices, because he DOES want to answer the door (that stubborn hope again!) before Teru gives up and leaves, and that means he doesn’t have time to get fully dressed. He’s DEFINITELY not opening the door with his face exposed, so he puts on the mask, but then just throws on a long hooded cloak over whatever sweats or pajamas he was already wearing. I think I’ve already said this, but Rei letting his guard down and being (at least a little) casual is one of my favorite things ever. So, Teru is definitely not “wishy washy” here, he pretty much insists that Rei give him another chance, and Rei doesn’t honestly put up much of a fight…. GAH after everything he’s been through he’s STILL FREAKING HOPEFUL and still freaking in love with drunk disaster boy Teru. Little random thing I agonized over and still probably got wrong here: I said the mask was held on by “theatrical adhesive” which is probably a pretty damn stupid choice if he wants to make sure it’s not going to fall off no matter what and also not further irritate his already fucked up skin. I am still not really sure what the reasoning for that was, or if there was any at all. Probably should’ve gone with straps or something but… eh. I guess it’s a relatively small thing to ask readers to suspend disbelief on? Another thing I agonized over was what, exactly, Teru WAS going to say when he does get his second chance to look at Rei and accept him as he is. It’s always one of my pet peeves when (usually in fanfic) whoever the Phantom character’s love interest is takes one look at his (supposedly) horribly disfigured face and just smiles and says “Pffft, is that all?” (Now, I will say that there ARE situations where that MIGHT work… like if you’re going to write a Christine who’s an ER nurse or something, yeah, she’s probably seen WAY worse… but in MOST cases that’s not going to be the reaction, and it certainly wouldn’t be in character for Teru.) Teru also has to know that Rei isn’t going to like it if he tells a blatant lie… so it was really important that what he says is both kind and honest. So he says, “It’s not as bad as you think it is.” Which… is definitely true. Yeah, it’s not pretty, but absolutely nothing in the world is as horrible as Rei THINKS he looks. And then the next thing Teru says is ALSO true. He says “You’re beautiful,” but I think if he had said that FIRST, it wouldn’t have necessarily been true. Here, he’s SORT of talking about looks… he is physically attracted to Rei, after all. But he definitely means “beautiful” in a broader sense here. There are a couple more things I like about this scene… I LOVE how Rei turns his head at the angle that would make his hair fall into his face if he were wearing a wig (even though he isn’t here). But the most important thing that happens here is, of course, his double confession to Teru: That Saki, one of the bandmates whose names Teru just found on the wall, was his partner, and that Rei “killed him.” Now. I don’t really think that’s true, but I do think it’s the sort of thing where he’s never going to really know. It wasn’t his fault as in, the other driver was MORE at fault. But could he have reacted a split second faster? Could he have done something, anything differently that would have somehow saved Saki’s life? Maybe. He’ll never know, and it’s understandable that that’s a heavy weight to bear. And it’s a heavy thing for Teru, too, I think… I know some people don’t like stories where the main character has to “compete with a ghost” but… I think this is just a realistic thing. If you’re still in love with an ex you broke up with (or were broken up with), yeah, you need to get over them before getting serious with someone new. But Rei never fell out of love with Saki, and he SHOULDNT. And he SHOULDNT BE EXPECTED TO. And you don’t have to only love one person ever, or even only one person at a time. This isn’t really a poly situation or anything but actually yeah it IS sorta like that, because what Rei ultimately needs to do is realize that living Teru doesn’t diminish his love for Saki—he can love them both 100%. And Teru has to realize that Saki is always going to be a part of Rei’s life, and that that absolutely isn’t a threat to the relationship they have. It drives me BONKERS that people can’t accept that… but whatever. If you don’t like stories like this, don’t read it?

I actually don’t remember why or at what point Saki came to be a part of this, but it was EARLY. I can’t even think of any other Phantom stories where the Phantom character is a “widower” (Rei and Saki weren’t married because it’s STILL not legal in Japan, but not having a legal marriage certificate doesn’t change the emotional weight of it), so I don’t really think it was a direct homage to anything, but I knew very early on that this was something that would be important to the backstory of this character.

ANYWAY… Teru decides they both need to get some sleep—he has a magazine interview the next day and Rei is just exhausted and miserable—and offers to sleep on the couch again, but Rei shows him to the bedroom. So, let me talk about the bedroom. This was a nod to Leroux, where Erik sleeps in a literal coffin, in a room decorated like a funeral parlor. Rei’s parallel to this is a hospital bed (or whatever you’d call that kind of bed when it’s not actually located in a hospital) in a room full of various medical supplies. I think this was kind of supposed to be a commentary on how people view disability, even today. The most obvious personal inspiration for this came from  several different people I know who became disabled as adults, and other people’s reactions (usually when the person in question wasn’t around) saying things like “what a shame, what a loss, he was still so young”… and that kind of thing has always felt WRONG to me… they’re still alive, why are we talking about them as if we’ve lost them?

BUT... it’s understandable that people feel that way, because it’s a cycle. If someone grows up around people saying things like that, then it’s maybe not unavoidable, but understandable, if and when that person grows up to believe the same thing. I think it’s a little more than that with Rei (hence why he goes SO overboard), too, in that his entire identity was tied so strongly into being beautiful and physically skilled, and so he really sees his life as “over” in a sense. Of course, that does start to change as he meets Teru and starts to get excited about the future again... but the sort of “hospital room” does represent for him, at least at one time, the “death” of who he was before, and sort of stands in for the Leroux coffin in that sense.

Teru is still a bit saddened by everything, from the room to the shower the following morning... the only shampoo Rei has is cheap shampoo and conditioner in one because that’s what we used to wash synthetic wigs when I worked at a costume shop. :P But even though they’re both still kind of ableist as hell and Saki is still sort of standing between them, the end of the chapter IS a turning point in the relationship, because this is probably the first time things end kind of normally between them... Teru has to go to his interview, but they agree to see each other again in a few days for an actual, planned, date.

WHEW. That was kind of long, but this chapter was kind of long too.

[plague-of-insomnia]

Hi there. I have been following your account for awhile. Besides Black Butler, do you follow other fandoms too?

Hi BDK :). Thank you for the ask.

Kuro is the only fandom I’ve become deeply involved in. The others I tend to just kinda skirt and reblog art or things like that, mostly bc Kuro is the only property I’m super super into.

I don’t always ship people as I tend to not really care much about those. I have to really fall for two or more characters usually for that to happen, and that’s another thing that makes kuro special. I tend to consume a LOT of media to try to stay ahead of my moods (mostly manga and anime nowadays, bc that’s easier for me to read/watch), and most even if I love the story don’t hook me like Kuro. I am generally not one who re-reads or re-watches things more than once. I’m more of consume, move on, and mostly forget lol.

My other problem is I tend to have very niche taste even among “niche” media, and often even when I find something I love and wanna watch more Or experience more of, the fandom is essentially nonexistent, or the content I want doesn’t exist. So there really isn’t a fandom for me to be involved in even I wanted to (cries in Emma, VME, etc)…

But here are some fandoms I do follow on tumblr, more or less, aside from Kuro, ofc, and any ships I may like if applicable:

Ace Attorney (Wrightworth) - I fell so damn hard for Edgeworth when I played the games for the first time. I never expected such an old game to be so gay in the best possible way, and I related so much to him. I don’t really care as much for some of the other characters, but I do enjoy the overall franchise (including The Great Detective series). I doubt I would ever get too involved though

Attack on Titan (eruri), though honestly I really only like Erwin, and mostly as a Bard substitute if I’m being entirely honest… there’s a lot of content for him and that ship and not for Bard and sebard so when I’m really craving what I can’t have I look here. I do not like the series as a whole and I hate the main characters lol so I stopped reading and watching after Erwin’s death and have zero interest in being involved in the fandom. I may one day write something for it bc I had a good story idea, but that would be the most I’d be involved

Buddy Daddies (kuzarei) - biggest thing I’m into rn, like I MAY actually write a oneshot for this. I love Rei bc he reminds me a lot of WDH Luci, and he and K have a kind of sebard dynamic. But even as it’s own I really enjoy the depth of characters that they’ve managed to create with only a few episodes… much better than other series I’ll be polite and not mention lol

Kamisama Hajimemashita (Tomoe) - I am a big sucker for stories about yokai and I love this series partly bc Tomoe reminds me A LOT of Sebastian if he were a kitsune. The story itself is also very good (except I hate the ending and pretend it didn’t happen that way, lol). I don’t dislike the female MC, she’s actually not awful like a lot of shoujo heroines are, but I don’t relate to female characters most of the time and so I don’t really care too much about their ship outside of canon. But I do like seeing fan art especially of him.

Link Click (lucheng) - This was a surprisingly queer-coded and emotional anime (well, donghua) that I was not expecting anything from going in and that I’m very excited to see the next season of. I haven’t sought out any fics for this but have reblogged fan and official art.

xxxHolic (douwata) - the manga for this series infuriated me in a lot of ways, but at the same time I adored the relationship between Doumeki and Watanaki. I don’t think I would write for this fandom but I would read for it, potentially.

That’s about it, aside from some anime/manga I adore that I rewatch/re-read, but don’t really have plans to get involved in fandom for (or there is no fandom for them, at least not an English speaking one), or a few video games I really like but again, it’s more about enjoying some art every now and then rather than anything else.

I’m sorry I’m not more interesting, lol. I rarely enjoy big properties/popular manga/anime, and even if I do it’s like “ah that was nice” and move on. Like I can really appreciate the storytelling behind Fullmetal Alchemist, I have read a couple fan fics for it, and I would rewatch Brotherhood, but I don’t really ship anyone enough/care enough to be in the fandom. Same with SPN. I have watched the first ~10+ seasons or so several times (no I haven’t watched the last few 2-3 and maybe never will), and I really adore Sam and Dean’s relationship, but I never shipped anyone (except maybe Bobby/Rufus, lol), and so I probably will never get into that fandom either. 🤷🏻

Just how I’m wired, I guess.

[thespiritoflife]

Here for the exchange game 💕💕

You in 10 years from now:

During this time you would’ve experienced a lot of grief or sadness. I’m not sure what specific event caused it, it may have been involving a man, but I mainly feel like it’s an older deeper problem (for example people pleasing tendencies that you carried from your childhood). HOWEVER, please do not take this as a bad thing, it’s totally normal to be going through something at this time because you’ll be either going through or approaching your saturn return!

This is kind of like the context beforehand though, because I mainly saw that you will pick yourself up from the ashes and let go of what is not serving you. You will be completely reborn from the old you and will become a very mentally and emotionally strong person. Instead of hiding away from difficult situations, you stand up for yourself and make sure you get your justice. This is a very empowering energy as you start to take more initiative towards what you want.

However that being said, this won’t be a very chaotic time. Obviously there will be a little emotional turbulence before you go through this huge growth, but after that you’ll just be chill and unbothered. So please don’t take this as negative. This is a very positive energy.

You may be starting something new career wise, but you’ll still be in the beginner stages, so you won’t be reaping the rewards just yet. You’ll have a job or whatever before reaching this point, but you’ll be either starting your own business or you’ll be moving into a new field of work.

As for love and relationships, you will know what you’re looking for and not want to waste time. You’ll get messages from @/gigachad_exe trying to play you and you’ll be rolling your eyes behind the screen like 🙄😒. I couldn’t get clarification on whether you’d be single or not but you will be only entertaining those who are important to you and will be content in yourself and the relationships you have.

I was going to try to do a mood board but I kind of suck at them so…😂 here’s a song instead. Specifically the lyrics

“On Monday, they destroyed me,

But by Friday, I’m revived”

Hello, love, thank you for joining. No worries, I got your ask about your initials 💫🧡 Thank you for lovely exchange, I am in love ♡ my life seems... pretty interesting in 10 years. Haha, that part where you wrote about these messages I will get from that guy, it was funny! And I LOVE THAT SONG!! it's one of my faves. Thank you once again!

YOUR EXCHANGE:

Well, I see positively your future in 10 years. 🤗

Deep inside you will feel that the time has come to realize those reflections that you have been carrying within you for 10 years. You will not be sure if you have a clear and complete vision, but you will feel that something will change and it will be time to act. A positive phase of your life.

You will go forward with your eyes closed and still will be on the right path. So in 10 years, you will simply be on the right track.🌟

Your intuitive abilities and your kindness influence each other in a virtuous spiral, from which you will emerge stronger and happier.

Maybe you will be too hard on yourself for that period of 10 years and even now you are quite adamant when it comes to evaluating your behavior or decision. I see the beginning of new projects and relationships, as well as the consolidation of all existing situations. You just will have to be clear and honest when communicating your desires. Your strengths will be creativity and initiative. I feel that in 10 years you will be very creative and you will do something amazing that you can't even dream of now. I have a feeling that you will be creative, especially in your work and it will also give you money. You will have many friends around you.🫂 I don't see much love life (you being in a relationship) here (but I could be wrong), I have a feeling that in 10 years you will mainly focus on yourself. You will eat healthier, and you will move more, I see that you will live very healthily, and at the same time, you will be the one who follows your dreams and visions. I feel that in 10 years you will have many relationships behind you, but in exactly 10 years you will be single, and you will want to use this time only for yourself. You will also devote yourself to your friends and your hobbies. I also see a lot of fun here, I feel like in 10 years you'll be out of your comfort zones and enjoying life.🥂

And I don't care if I sing off key

I find myself in my melodies

I sing for love, I sing for me

I shout it out like a bird set free

Take care ♡

[all-his-candy-necklaces]

I posted 4,642 times in 2022

212 posts created (5%)

4,430 posts reblogged (95%)

Blogs I reblogged the most:

@crehate

@perrfectly

@cottaqewhore

I tagged 3,655 of my posts in 2022

Only 21% of my posts had no tags

#!!! - 3,624 posts

#about me - 1,044 posts

#mood - 1,005 posts

#beautiful - 101 posts

#aesthetic - 97 posts

#art - 76 posts

#pokemon - 70 posts

#lana del rey - 57 posts

#nature - 54 posts

#amen - 51 posts

Longest Tag: 100 characters

#you can also just say ‘i was going through a lot at the time’ or something short and sweet like that

My Top Posts in 2022:

#5

See the full post

3 notes - Posted May 3, 2022

#4

Thinking about how much determination, strength, courage, bravery, and perseverance it takes to really break away from controlling/ manipulative/ disrespectful/ narcissistic/ and insincere or duplicitous individuals. Now imagine those are your “family” and you’ve got my life!

I’m beyond proud of myself for leaving hateful, sad, unhappy, miserable , disrespectful, immature, and selfish people behind, “family” or not. Family is not what you call yourself, it’s how you act. I’ll take that with me to the grave.

Something I’ve also come to learn is that if people wanted you to talk about them better then maybe they should have behaved better towards you. Don’t get mad at me for being honest, a quality they certainly lack.

The best thing to do when dealing with a narcissist is to remove them from your life (if possible). They need someone to control, they need someone to manipulate, they need someone to abuse and hurt. They treat you even worse when they think you’ll never leave them and when they think you’re not strong enough or courageous enough to say ENOUGH IS ENOUGH.

My breaking point with the grimy people in my family came 5 years ago. It got to a point where I discovered something pretty horrible and completely unacceptable & I knew I had to get the hell out and cut all contact. For my sanity, for my integrity, and for the simply fact that someone I love deeply was hurt in a disgusting way by people who go around pretending to be ‘family’ and ‘adults’. Talk about me if you want, spew your lies. Lord knows that’s practically habitual for them. Please keep proving to the world why no one wants anything to do with you, your misery, your spite, your hate, your immaturity, your duplicitousness, and your COWARDLINESS !

You never know how strong you are until being strong is the only option you have left. And I struggle with my mental health. I struggle with trying to heal from childhood trauma and Narcissistic abuse. But I’ll be damned if I’m ever going to go back to what was hurting me and treating me less than human. Especially when NO ONE — especially not grown ‘adults’ who pretend to be family — have the right to hurt, abuse, disrespect, belittle, or lie to me. EVER. And that’s on GOD!

“Never let someone get comfortable with disrespecting you”. NEVER. Amen to that ! Those individuals live with a disgusting and sadistic need to hurt people, and usually they’ll go after people they think are “easy targets”, like children or people who they think shouldn’t question their abuse. That might be the pernicious and pathetic world they live in but out here in the real world I value respect, honesty, maturity, love, compassion, care, communication, integrity, humility, and some common decency.

People with narcissistic tendencies want to make it seem like you “need” them, which is why they belittle, attack, scream, disrespect, manipulate, lie, argue, fight, and gaslight you in an effort to wear you down so you do their immature bidding. And you know what? I got flat out tired of all that shit. No one has the right to speak or treat me like that because that’s abuse and disrespect and I will never tolerate that, especially when a supposed “adult” and supposed “family members” should NEVER be speaking to you like that.

The only way to win is to not play the game. Those slimy creatures live off of the fighting and the arguments and the attention you’re giving them. It’s what they want because they’re so insecure and unhappy that they need drama and instigation. The best way to let them wither is to remove them from your life like the garbage they are and don’t even waste your breath on them or acknowledge their paltry, pathetic, and pitiful existence. Not their life because lord knows they’re not living.

You get to live a real life away from all of that. When you’re in all of that toxic miasma it is hard to see the reality of it all. It’s hard to see that those things that are happening are not normal, and that’s not how family nor adults behave. Ever. No one has the right to make you feel inferior, especially not to soother their overinflated and disgustingly fragile ego.

None of this is easy. None of this is straightforward. I can’t tell you how much I struggle with remnant feelings of guilt, shame, anger, resentment, depression, intense pain, humiliation, despondency, disassociation, and the feeling of being a victim. But I try to tell myself I am not a victim. I try to tell myself none of what happened to me was my fault at all, especially since I was a kid. That is not my fault, that has nothing to do with me. Guilt, shame, anger, resentment, unhappiness, etc. none of those things belong to me.

Abusers and narcissistic and toxic people carry those things inside of them and that’s what makes them such onerous people. I understand it’s easy to feel like you’re carrying those things, and sometimes we are, but realizing that we don’t need to carry that resentment and that pain and that unfairness can be liberating. I give it back to them because it never belonged to me in the first place. Let them all stare at one another. Let them all sit with one another in discomfort and self - disgust. It’s what they deserve. It’s what they are

When they no longer have you to disparage and mistreat, they implode. They rely on having that source and that supply, and I refuse to be anyone’s punching bag or supply. Ever again.

Either come correct or don’t come at all.

None of this is easy. I waver, and sometimes a lot. I stumble, I fall, I shake, I fall off my path. God knows there are days where I fall and I feel so despondent and crushed by the weight of it all. But that is not for me to carry. I never did anything wrong. I’m actually an incredible person. I’m flawed and yet I’m glad I can admit my flaws. I’m smart, kind, caring, honest, bold, passionate, brave, vulnerable, flawed, imperfect, perceptive, witty, loving, and that all makes me who I am.

I am not that. I am not them.

They all get to carry the shame now. They get to hold onto the loneliness.

I get to hold myself.

5 notes - Posted May 25, 2022

#3

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10 notes - Posted May 5, 2022

#2

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13 notes - Posted May 5, 2022

My #1 post of 2022

I refuse to live with resentment and anger

15 notes - Posted June 2, 2022

Get your Tumblr 2022 Year in Review →

[madlittlecriminal]

Excuse Me? ⇒ Santiago “Pope” García × Puerto Rican!Female!Reader

Request: no, but as a someone who’s half Mexican & half Puerto Rican, i feel like this is a dang given ESPECIALLY when i personally don’t see much representation for us Hispanics/Latinx on here :)

Warnings: hints of sex, some sentences are in spanish, soft!santiago, insecure!santiago

-THIS IS MY FIRST FIC FOR HIM SO I APOLOGIZE IF IT FEELS SHORT-

Santiago teaching you his form of Spanish was actually incredible. You always knew Spanish was a language that had many different meanings to words or just different ways to say them. For example, cake had many, but the most popular were ‘bizcocho’ or ‘pastel’ which both had different meanings: some innocent while some…not so much. If you were being honest, Mister Garcia was definitely a highlight on your off days; a simple word in Spanish always made you feel better because you knew you were in for a lesson in Central American Spanish. Funny enough though, he adored it when you would teach him words from your island, but he would never straight up admit it, instead, he would beat around the bush with it.

He thought you wouldn’t know, but you did, so when you taught him nicknames that were common in Puerto Rico, you scanned his face for a reaction. Sadly, you didn’t get any this time and if you were being honest, it kinda made you sad. Maybe it was a mistake, but you wouldn’t dare mention it to him because you were afraid of offending him. However, Santiago has been through war, so would you bringing it up really offend him? You didn’t know and you didn’t wanna find out either, so you chose to keep it to yourself until you were actually ready to talk to him. With a sigh, you walked to the fridge to get a bottle of water.

Santiago knew you were upset and it kinda made him feel like crap; he didn’t know if it was because of him or it was because of something personal. He knew not to budge with it and decided it would be best to wait for you. With a patience ever so powerful, he waited for you. However, after eight days, his patience began to thin as you still didn’t talk to him. Sometimes you didn’t even look at him which was the worst part about Santiago’s day. He loved it when your (E/C) met his while you were in virtual meetings for work, but he hasn’t seen that glance and it began to worry him. Did he mess up?

“Todo bien, chula?” You paused in shocked as he eased your worries without knowing. However, you had to be sure you weren’t going crazy. “Excuse me?” He gulped. “I’m sorry, did I overstep? I thought it was fine to call you that because you taught me it last week…” Santiago’s look of fear made you walk over to him. “First, everything’s fine guapo, but can you repeat that?” His face softens at your question and he smiles. “Chula,” you let out a giggle and he wraps his arms around your waist. “I didn’t wanna disappoint, y’know?” You plant a kiss on his nose and nod. “You didn’t at all, precioso.” He kisses your cheek before pulling you closer to him. “Do you prefer chula or chulita?” You couldn’t help but feel your cheeks heat up at his words.

“I like them both, but you can definitely decide for me, Santi. You know I don’t care.” He nods before planting a kiss on your lips. “Good to know! Now, we missed date night last week because someone decided to ignorar a todo el mundo y ni si quiera me dijo porque.” You pout and he chuckles. “I thought you were mad at the nickname. He pulled you into a hug. “Never, mi niña. I just hate how you always figure me out!” You laugh and rest your hand on his chest. “Now, I gotta shower so we can go on our date!” He bit his lip. “¿Te puedo acompañar?” You grab his hand and nod. “Por supuesto mi rey.”

[hajimesh]

MONSTER

+ pairing. demon!oikawa / fem reader

+ genre. smut

+ word c. 2,209 words

+ warnings. alcohol, dom/sub, oral, praise kink, creampie

+ author n. happy halloween !! i hope everyone is having/had an amazing day 🧡

your mother often warned you about the dangers of halloween parties. she’d tell you not to trust anyone, especially those with a mask until you could see their real face. there’s a tale she always told you about:

a young woman meets a mysterious, masked man on a halloween night…

the party’s in full swing, everyone holds the distinctive red solo cup as their bodies dance to the beat. your eyes trail over the place and they're met with a drunk frankenstein grinding his hips on a witch—a sight you weren't expecting.

“you made it!”

a hand lands on your shoulder and spins you away from the weird scene.

your classmate—the one who invited you to the party—gives you a side hug and when she finally releases you, she studies your costume.

“slutty 60’s girl? i dig it.”

“shut up.”

granted, you know the costume is quite revealing. a baby blue sundress that barely reaches your mid-thigh, paired with kitten heels and the distinctive sixties makeup that would make lana del rey proud.

another classmate joins you and they start rambling about an assignment you have no interest in, not for now at least. excusing yourself, you leave to go get a drink.

there’s a variety of bottles sitting on top of the dining table but before you can pick your poison, an unknown voice gets your attention.

“there’s a secret stash in the kitchen,” a man with a demon costume stands next to you, his eyes narrowing as he scans the bottles with a disgusted look. “and with way better quality drinks.”

sharp-looking horns contrast against his brown hair, a white shirt with the first buttons undone and black dress pants make him look straight out of a hollywood film. he could give young brad pitt a run for his money.

“i don’t think the owner would appreciate a stranger in their kitchen,” you manage to answer back, pushing your flustered state aside.

“oh, he’ll survive,” he waves it off, dazzling you with a handsome smile. “he’s smashed already.”

with a tilt of his head, he points at another guy with dark, messy hair and a matching costume, lying on the couch. you can tell the guy's fighting to keep his eyes open.

“come with me.”

he doesn’t give you a chance to reply, already walking ahead of you, so your only option is to trail behind him. he makes his way around the people easily, a few girls winking at him and boys patting him on the back which are all answered by him with a friendly smile.

once you make it to the kitchen, you notice the noise of the party has reduced considerably.

he hands you a beer—opened right before your eyes—and you give him an appreciative nod. “thanks.”

“oikawa tooru,” his charming smile is back for a second before it switches to a smirk. “you can call me master, though.”

shaking your head, you laugh at the joke and take a sip of your drink.

...he lures her to leave with him…

“on your knees.”

without thinking twice, you do as he says, ignoring the discomfort that comes with it.

two hours and a couple of drinks later, all of your inhibitions were gone and you wanted nothing more than to have oikawa fuck your brains out. lucky for you, he was hoping you’d allow him to do exactly that.

and he was very pleased when you agreed to go somewhere more private.

“what an obedient little thing,” he coos and you feel yourself getting wetter at the praise. “i want you to suck me as if your life depended on it, okay?” he says, smirking at how unaware you are of the meaning behind his words.

“yes.”

“yes, what?” he raises an eyebrow and you’re confused for a moment before you remember the words he said earlier.

gulping, you answer him with the most submissive tone you can muster. “yes, master.”

oikawa nods and takes his cock out of his pants, slapping the head on your cheek twice—your cue to open up your mouth. he quickly places it inside, your lips wrapping around the tip and giving it a harsh suck.

“mhm, you’ve been craving this all night. right, sweetheart?” his hand grips the back of your head, setting a comfortable pace for you.

“yes, i needed your cock,” you say after releasing him from your mouth, but a harsh tug on your hair acts as a reminder to be careful with your words. “master.”

“you’re such a cute, little whore. choking on your master’s cock,” his words are like an aphrodisiac, encouraging you to take him deeper. “fuck– i can feel your throat contracting around me.”

a mewl leaves your mouth but it’s muffled by the gurgling sounds of your throat being fucked by oikawa’s long cock. a mixture of your saliva and his pre-cum drips from the corners of your mouth, and oikawa swears has never seen something so divine yet so lascivious.

...he shows his true form…

“you'll ride my face until cum drips out of you.”

your body shudders at the thought of his mouth on your most sensitive place. as he places himself down on the bed, you indulge a bit in your fantasy, wondering how his lips will feel, his tongue lapping at—

“are you making your master wait?” he snaps, a hint of irritation radiating out of him.

“n-no,” you’re about to climb up on the bed when the pointy horns catch your attention. “uhm… could you take those off, please?”

“hm? oh,” his fingers wrap around the horns, a playful look taking over his features. “i don’t think that’ll be possible.”

you notice his dark eyes flashing with a red gleam but it’s gone before you can blink again. blaming it on the alcohol, you ignore it and move until you’re straddling his face, your pussy right above his mouth.

“c’mere, baby. let me ravish you.”

his arms wrap around your thighs, pulling you down to his mouth and you shudder when his breath hits your pussy.

oikawa doesn’t give you time to adjust to the feeling, going straight to slurping like a starved man. his lips latch on you while his tongue laps up your juices, drinking them with a greediness he’s never experienced before.

your soft moans echo in the room as his nose rubs against you, inhaling your scent and sending him to a different state of bliss. it’s as if he could get high by your scent alone.

“master,” you breathe out, your hands going to his hair—gripping it—while you rub your pussy on his face.

he hums, the vibrations making your pleasure heighten considerably. opening his mouth, he lets his tongue wander until it pokes right on your slit, he feels your legs tremble and the harsh grip on his hair tells him you’re on the brink of your orgasm. his tongue glides in and out until he’s practically fucking you with it, his nose rubbing on your swollen clit.

“fuck, fuck, fuck,” your hips grind against his face, not caring if he’s even able to breathe and only focusing on your release. “m’gonna cum, i’m gonna–” and with a loud cry, your orgasm ripples through your body, the familiar warmth taking over your senses.

your hips stop moving, but oikawa keeps lapping up at your pussy, savoring the creamy juices coming out of it.

“s-stop, too sensitive.”

oikawa takes a deep breath one last time and finally lets go of you, your body falling limply on the bed right away. he relishes the sight of you sprawled out, still riding off your high while he pumps himself a couple of times.

“are you ready for me, baby? i can’t wait any longer, i need to feel your sweet little pussy around my cock,” his tone is soft yet demanding.

if he had to be honest with himself, he is getting needy. and he has the flushed tip of his cock, wanting nothing else but your cunt to milk him dry, as proof of it.

“yes, master. please, fuck me.”

and that’s all he needs to place himself on top of you. you open your legs for him, your pussy in full display, and ready to take him in.

he rubs his length between your folds a couple of times, teasing you both, but once he starts sinking in he can’t help but close his eyes.

“shit,” your warmth sends his mind into a state of bliss, your tight hole stretching and creaming all over him. “baby girl, you feel divine.”

oikawa would’ve laughed at the irony if he wasn’t feeling overwhelmed by the sensation. he has known hell all of his life and he doesn’t remember it ever being this delicious.

you must be his piece of heaven.

once he’s all in, he exhales and opens his eyes to look down at you. your face is contorted in ecstasy, your mind turning into mush at how good it feels to have him pulsing inside of you.

oikawa starts a languid pace, one hand groping your tit and tweaking the nipple between his fingers while he drives his cock in and out of you. he can’t remember the last time he had a pussy so tight, so exquisite, and desperate for him that it's making him feel so close to shooting his load inside of you.

“master,” your tiny voice takes him out of his daydream. “faster, please?”

he hooks your leg over his shoulder, driving his cock even deeper making his balls smack against your ass. his eyes trail down to where you two are connected, watching his cock ram into your abused cunt relentlessly.

“so needy for me, huh? don’t worry, baby. i’ll fuck another orgasm out of you.”

your walls flutter around him, his words going straight to your pussy and making it clamp around his cock. you can feel it pulsating inside of you, the head reaching so deep it rubs on both your sweet spot and your cervix.

“i’m close,” your hand goes to his forearm, trying to get a grip on something, anything, that can keep you from passing out.

he collects a bit of your arousal with his finger and then starts circling your clit with it. “you can cum, baby. i want to see you gushing all over my cock.”

the constant feeling of his dick stretching you plus his touch on your clit, end up sending you to your second orgasm. your walls spasm around his cock, the snug grip making him see stars.

with one last thrust, he finally cums. his cock pumps three long spurts inside of your cunt and his hips involuntarily jerk forward when it keeps tightening around him. after a minute, he kisses your leg that’s still draped over his shoulder and pulls out.

you’re about to close your legs when his firm grip on your thigh stops you.

“not yet, let me see.”

your pussy clenches around nothing when his predatory stare lands between your legs, his eyes focused on the way his cum starts oozing out of your hole.

the last few moments feel like a haze. his voice seems far, sweet nothings coming out of his mouth, and the last thing you feel is his finger gliding over your slit before you pass out.

...by the next morning, she realizes how close to death she was.

“miss, miss. wake up.”

you fight to open your eyes—which takes you around a minute since they feel unusually heavy—and when you finally do, you see a man, not older than sixty, staring at you in concern.

“man, this always happens.”

you hear him murmur but you pay no mind. scanning your surroundings, it finally dawns on you that you’re not in your home. in fact, you’re in the last place you would’ve expected: the cemetery.

the sun is barely up, the atmosphere looking a bit somber and the crisp air making the hairs on your arms stand up.

“why am i here?” you turn to the old man—who must be the night shift guard—with panic rapidly flooding your heart. “what’s going on!?”

“did you meet a man last night?”

your heart rate spikes up at the odd question.

the guard sighs, visibly finding the situation tiring. “immortal creatures and spirits wander between us during halloween nights, you should be more careful.”

flashbacks of last night run through your mind. there wasn’t anything suspicious about oikawa, right? but then you remember how he never took off his horns and his pupils turning red every once in a while.

“every year, girls—boys, sometimes—appear here the morning after. most of them run with just a case of amnesia but there are others who don’t make it.”

you gulp, fear taking over your body as you realize how you let something—because apparently the man you met last night wasn’t human—have their way with you.

“i-i have to go.”

you basically run out of there, feeling as if someone is watching you but there’s no one else—apart from the guard.

there’s an odd sense of hurt in your chest, your heart sinking to the pits of your stomach, and you don’t know if it’s out of fear or because of the thought of oikawa doing this, every year, with someone else.

[mha-platonic-yanderes]

Settling In: Family Dinner

Inspired by @i-cant-sing

If there was any word to describe the past week, you would choose quiet.  A schedule was set for your time spent here and rarely it would deviate. Rei would wake you up to watch the sunrise with you and  you’d get ready for the day with her. The outfit she chooses always sits on the bed waiting for you while she does your hair. Mornings are spent in either the sun room or the library, with Rei always watching. Though, she leaves to cook. She always left you to cook. If nobody else was home, that means you’d be left alone. Fuyumi would come by for dinner some nights and take your afternoons. Enji wasn’t home during the day, but joined you all for dinner every night before you could retire to your new room. Even if the schedule is slightly smothering, it’s easy to keep up with.

There were no chores or responsibilities for you to do, unlike your old homes. It was relaxing—too relaxing. There was no stress, so you created some. Tonight, instead of Rei, Enji, and maybe Fuyumi, the other two Todoroki children were coming over. You don't know what to expect, so you stress over it.

Fuyumi warned you that they weren’t as accepting as she was, that they weren’t as involved with the family as she was. You don’t want to make a terrible first impression. You don’t want your new siblings to hate you.

Fuyumi comes home earlier than her siblings, coming immediately home from work. Meetings, she says, that’s why she couldn’t have come sooner. You remember that she’s a school teacher. It’s easy to imagine what those meetings are about. Though, she doesn’t give you time to daydream about her, as she’s asking you questions.

“So Y/N, you’ve been here a week? Have you been enjoying your time here?” Fuyumi does your hair, extremely careful not to hurt you. She’s taken this responsibility from Rei for today. Rei’s been busy at the store and in the kitchen all day, leaving you with Fuyumi. You don’t mind that; she’s nice.

“It’s quiet.” You don’t know if that’s a good or a bad thing, but it’s the truth.

Fuyumi takes it well, “That’s good. Mom picked out some good books for you, did she?”

The library in the Todoroki estate may be massive, but most of those books Rei says are too mature for you. She’s regulated you to books below your reading level. They’re for children younger than you. But she doesn’t like to watch television and the laptop they’ve provided has only been gathering dust.

“If I’m honest, they’re a little boring.”

Fuyumi chuckles, “She’s a little out of touch from reality at times. I’ll grab you some books you’ll probably like better. I used to do a lot of reading when I was your age.”

“What’d you read?”

“Romance, mostly.” Fuyumi admits, “occasionally fantasy. I wasn’t trying to read anything too dark and neither should you.”

Too dark. Too mature. You wonder where that threshold is for them. You suspect it’s a lot higher than most people’s standards. You don’t dwell on this thought too much longer. Finding faults in your caretaker’s lifestyle isn’t the best way to stay in their good graces. 

“How was school this past year?” She rests both hands on your shoulders. She’s done with your hair, but she isn't letting you go. You could probably move her to get out, but there’s no need. Fuyumi is nice and interested in what you have to say. Why would you leave her?

“Alright.” You reply. Even if it isn’t the truth, you wouldn’t speak it, “Don’t know where I’m heading now, though. We’re too far from my old school.”

“Father mentioned Somei and Mom talked about homeschooling.” Fuyumi replies, “We’ll have to see which one concedes first.”

You can’t imagine Rei fighting Enji on anything, especially something as trivial as where to take you to school. Though, you’d prefer if she concedes. Homeschooling seems like a nightmare.

“Oh, alright.” You respond. There’s nothing else to say on the matter and you hope Fuyumi lets up soon because you don’t know what to talk about anymore. Almost like a savior, a knock is placed on your door. It isn’t as strong as Enji’s—Fuyumi and Rei don’t knock at all—so, you assume it’s one of the brothers.

Fuyumi calls out to the person on the other side for you, “Hold on!” She finally lets up to open the door. You fiddle with the edge of your dress. The tulle is a bit itchy, but the smooth, holographic hearts covering the entire dress provide a nice change of texture. 

You look up to see a tall, white haired guy. He’s broad, built like Enji as opposed to Rei. Though, the rest of his features seem to come from her. He stands in the doorway looking at you, then back at Fuyumi—who’s back to holding you on your shoulders again, causing you to continue to sit still in the vanity’s stool.

He takes another look at you and your fingers fiddle with the dress more. He’s unnerving and hasn’t said a thing he walked in. You start to speak, but he looks up at Fuyumi and asks, “What kind of quirk bullshit has justified this?”

That’s not what you expected. 

You think to object, no quirk stuff has happened here—at least, that you know of. Though, Fuyumi immediately comes to your defense, “Natsuo! You can’t just ask something like that! Have some respect.” 

“Do you really expect there isn’t an ulterior motive behind this.” Natsuo replies, “You know how he is with quirks.”

“He’s gotten better!”

“Prove it.”

“Uhhh, Natsuo, sir.” You break up the siblings' argument, “No quirk stuff has happened, really.”

He grabs a hold of your arm, looking at it thoroughly before heading to the next one. You don’t know what he’s looking for. Bruises? Burns? Scars? You have none of them from your time here. 

You wouldn’t have anything quirk related anyways—you’re quirkless.

“Is this the lie he’s told you to say?” Natsuo asks, “You aren’t going to be able to lie. I see through his bullshit.”

“Natsuo!”

You want this conversation to end. Natsuo’s and Fuyumi’s hands are both icy cold and you don’t like the attention. Plus their argument is painful to listen too, especially considering it’s about you.

“Natsuo, sir…” You say, “there’s no quirk… anything. Really! I don’t have a... quirk.”

He lets go of your arm and it drops to your side. He stands up again. Fuyumi lets your shoulders go, moving to your side.

“Hey, chin up kiddo!” Fuyumi replies, smiling her everbright smile, “there’s nothing wrong with that!”

You didn’t even realize you were staring at the ground, but your feet soon come into view through watery eyes. Fuyumi’s fingers wipe away the tear that slips through.

“Hey, sorry kid.” Natsuo’s hands are in the pocket of his jeans and his shoulders are raised, “I have the habit of assuming the worst.”

“It’s fine.” You reply, laughing through the soft tears, “I should be over it by now, anyways.”

“Let’s head out of here.” Fuyumi takes your hand, leading you out of your room, “Father should be bringing Sho home soon. He’ll just love you, he won't be able not to."

Despite the ominous nature of Fuyumi’s statement, you let yourself willingly be led to the living room. Besides, where else would you go, anyways?

___

Gratefully, the three of you leave your room. The room was getting tense between the sibling pair. You don’t want to be the reason they fight, do you? They always look so close in the photos on the wall—even if nobody looks happy in those photos.

Natsuo leads the way. He walks with his shoulders back and his head held high. He has confidence, something you’ve started to lack now that you’re around all these powerful quirk users. You feel the cool air radiating from in between him and Fuyumi. She walks right behind you. If you stopped, she’d crash right into her. 

But you don’t stop. You walk down the hallway and head towards the living room. There, two figures step in through the door. The first is the boy with half red hair, half white hair. The photos on the wall show him to be significantly younger and without the bright red scar covering one eye. He wears U.A.’s school uniform. One of the old children in your last home went there as well. The other person is Enji. He’s in his hero uniform still—flames and all.

Before anyone can say anything, Natsuo speaks up, “Father’s not using her. I already asked. She’s quirkless.”

He doesn’t say it in a negative way, but him bringing it up at all stings. You’re inadequate compared to them. They all scream of powerful quirks, but you don’t even have a quirk to begin with.

And now, you’re getting the suspicion that quirks are what this family truly cares about. Which leaves you in a terrible position—quirkless, surrounded by powerhouses.

“Alright.” Shoto deadpans, then slips his shoes and coat off. A cool wind blows in from outside, but it’s no different than standing between the cold Todoroki children.

Enji asks his sons, “Do you really think so low of me?”

“Yes.” Natsuo and Shoto reply instantly.

Luckily, Rei comes to your rescue, guiding you to a seat at the kitchen table. Whilst they talked, she set everyone’s plates wordlessly. She cooked this meal for everyone and you feel a slight pang of guilt, knowing that six mouths is a lot to cook for. You had smaller homes than that, which sometimes saw it too tiring to cook for their size. And Rei cooked a lot—much more than she’s cooked for the other meals you’ve had here. 

Your plate is filled. You can’t imagine that you’ll eat all of this, but you’ll eat as much as you can. You wouldn’t want to make Rei sad, now would you?

“Thank you Rei, for dinner.” You reply, before taking a bite. As you sigh in pleasure, Rei’s other children echo their thanks. The food is so good that you block out all sound in order to focus upon it.

“Y/N, are you there?” Fuyumi jokes from her seat beside you.

“Oh! Uh, yeah.” You exclaim, then ask, “Did you need something?”

“Father just asked how your day was.” Fuyumi replies.

You tell him, “It was good.” He sits at the head of the table, just like last time. You don’t sit next to him, Fuyumi does. You sit directly one seat to the left than the seat you’ve been sitting in. You don’t mind, especially because to the other side of you is the one brother you’ve barely heard speak: Shoto. 

He looks at you—he’s watching you. You can see him do it out of the corner of your eye. It’s unnerving to say the least. But you put your head down and continue eating, making sure to pay attention. Luckily, they don’t ask you too many questions. Most of the attention is on Shoto and Natsuo. They’ve returned home—the family all together, Rei calls it. You don’t ask about the other boy in the photos. He’s obviously not a part of the family anymore.

“May I be excused?” You ask as soon as you're finished eating, not keen to just sit there and listen to their conversations.

Enji doesn’t hold you back this time, giving you a silent nod. You take your plate to the kitchen and then head to your room, making sure not to bother them anymore. You don’t want to be seen as a bother anymore than you already are, do you?

[bookishofalder]

Night Changes [Nine]

Summary: Will Poe and the reader be reunited?

Warnings: Angst, character deaths, language, smut. TW-pregnancy, birth, infant, breastfeeding. WC—+10k

A/N-At the end.

“Rey,” At the sound of her name, Rey paused and glanced around to see Leia standing next to the Falcon, waiting. Meeting her kind eyes, she hoped Leia wasn’t going to try and convince her not to go again; she’d already told the wise General that she had to find the Wayfinder, that she needed to complete Luke’s mission and get to Exegol. Finn, Poe, Chewbacca and C3PO were already on board, waiting for her to join them; it was time to leave.

“Leia?” She stepped toward her mentor, who looked around cautiously before lowering her voice to speak to Rey.

“I need to give you something.”

Rey frowned, confused, glancing down to Leia’s empty, “What do you mean?”

Leia sighed, her eyes tired. Rey understood—she felt exhausted too. “I can’t explain it. And you must keep it to yourself until the moment is right—trust me, you’ll know when that is—if you do end up needing to,” Leia took hold of Rey’s hands, squeezing, “I’ll show you, but you must keep it tucked away no matter what.”

Seeing the seriousness in Leia’’s eyes, Rey swallowed and nodded, “Of course. I promise.” She returned the pressure to the General’s hands and watched as she reached up and pressed her fingers gently to Rey’s temple.

In a brief flash, Rey saw enough to understand.

As he was pushed roughly through the doors to an open hangar with Finn and Chewie, Poe couldn’t help but reflect on his life over the past year and a half. He’d had a lot of close calls, even been captured, but this was the first time he felt like he was going to die, as General Hux and a couple of Storm Troopers stood behind them, ready to execute Poe and his friends. He hoped Rey was able to escape, at least.

And Leia could get the news of his death to you. She would make sure you were taken care of for the rest of your life. He had no regrets, no, not with you on some planet far away from all of this and free to raise the baby. He’d done everything he could, fought as hard as possible, but that didn’t mean he was guaranteed to live.

Poe tried to picture what the baby might look like, whether they got your smile, his hair. Pain shot through his broken heart that his child would grow with only pictures of him, no memories. He glanced up at Finn, eager to distract himself; he could hear Hux speaking to the Troopers and ignored them.

“What were you going to tell Rey before?”

Finn hesitated, appearing uncomfortable, “You still on that?”

“Oh,” Poe frowned at him incredulously, “Is this a bad time?” He just wanted to hear Finn admit aloud he had feelings for Rey. He could sense it between them, especially recently, and thought that they made a good pair. In another life he could see himself with them, you at his side, enjoying a late-night dinner, laughing around a table while the kids pretended to be asleep in their bedrooms.

Nodding, Finn gave Poe a wary look, “It sort of is?” Poe scoffed, shaking his head.

“So I tell you my deepest secrets but right before we’re about to die you’re locking down on yours?” Poe hadn’t just told Finn about you; after he’d confessed your existence, he hadn’t been able to stop sharing with his friend, who listened attentively as Poe described his life with you, how he’d love you since he was ten years old.

Finn blanched, and after a pause opened his mouth to respond, only shots went off behind them and they flinched. Poe expected to feel pain, or perhaps nothing if the shot was well placed, only they heard thuds behind them and instead glanced around to find Hux holding a blaster, eyes on the dead Troopers momentarily before he looked up at them.

“I’m the spy.” He claimed, a dark smirk on his twisted face, and Poe felt a rush of confused relief—he and Finn exchanged looks as Chewie groaned.

“What?” He exclaimed at the same moment Finn yelled, “You?” In disbelief.

Hux ignored them, “We don’t have much time, we have to go.” He gestured for them to follow and after a brief pause, they hastened to climb to their feet.

Poe hurried forward and grabbed a few of the fallen Troopers blasters, passing them to Finn and Chewie before taking one for himself. His blood was rushing, the feeling of being alive still—of getting lucky, again—made him feel powerful like you were out there somewhere sending him the strength and good fortune that he needed at every turn.

As they ran behind Hux, Finn touched Poe’s arm. “That was too close—made me realize, do you have a way of her knowing if something happens to you?”

Poe nodded, “Leia will tell her.”

But he sincerely hoped that would never happen, that you wouldn’t be standing in the doorway of some home he’d never know and hear the words that he had died, that he was never coming for you. The idea of you being in that kind of pain was something he couldn’t fully fathom, and it only renewed his determination to get to the Wayfinder and finish this fight once and for all.

11 Months Ago

“Doesn’t matter how many galaxies separate us, I will always be with you, and you with me. I promise.”

Memories of your life with Poe had a way of burrowing into the forefront of your mind when you least expect them; when you let your guard down. The emotional goodbye all those years before, back on Yavin-4 when you were just kids—Poe leaving with Charlie to join the Resistance...it was a lifetime ago. And as much as you believed his words both then and now, it didn’t make the pain any easier to endure as you lay here without him, the Healer and Kes having left you alone with the newborn baby cradled in your arms.

You were surprised when the Healer had passed you the baby—after almost nine hours of labour—to see the tuft of dark curls on their head; Kes had remarked that Poe had come into the world with as much hair, and you’d laughed through your mixed tears of sorrow and joy and love. So they took after their dad—what a beautiful, heartbreaking thought.

Stars, you hoped Poe would meet them before long--before they grew too much. Just seeing the tiny creature, skin-to-skin with you like the Healer recommended, both made your heart feel complete while simultaneously tearing it apart. He should have been here to hold your hand, to cut the cord and press soft kisses to both of your heads and cry tears of joy from it all.

It wasn’t fair. Up until this moment you’d been able to lock back to anger and the bitter feelings over having let Poe send you away because it had been the right choice no matter what way you looked at it. But now, as you lay exhausted and bursting with love for the baby you made with your soulmate, you let some of that anger free through wretched sobs because it wasn’t fair that he had to miss this, that for all you knew he could be...

You stopped yourself from thinking of the worst-case scenario. It wasn’t helpful to imagine what he was doing now, where he was, if he was okay. And you’d promised him you would keep him alive in your mind unless you knew for certain that he wasn’t.

A small whine met your ears and you glanced down at the baby, smiling at their pinched expression as they struggled to adapt to their new surroundings. “It’s okay, little bug. Mama is here, shhh...” You cooed softly, running a lone finger over their hair in a gentle motion. You watched their eyes flutter beneath the lids, enjoying the feel of your touch, and then froze when they opened their eyes for the first time to look up at you blearily.

Stars, they had Poe’s eyes.

Now - 35 ABY - Battle of Exegol

When Temmin died, Poe truly began to lose all hope.

Before watching another friend’s x-wing get shot down, he’d managed to scrape the bottom of the barrel for that hope, for any remaining belief that they could win this fucking fight. That everything he’d ever sacrificed was worth it because now they had arrived and it was time to put an end to it all—but then he was screaming for Snap to watch his six, heard the anguished cry through the comm when he was hit, the searing memory of losing Charlie so many years before in the same way making his stomach churn, and he just felt so...

So fucking hopeless.

Leia was gone. The Resistance was down to pathetic numbers, and he had finally lost all hope.

Shit, if he was being honest with himself he’d been running through these last few days with urgency and adrenaline that prevented him from overthinking the odds, a blissful denial that anything other than winning could occur. When he’d told the remaining fighters of the Resistance that this was their final stand, that help would come, he had meant it as much as he’d hoped it was true.

“Help will come if they know there is hope,” Poe had stared around at his friends, at their doubting expressions, “They will. We have friends out there. The First Order wins by making us think we’re alone. We’re not alone—good people will fight if we lead them.”

In all of the time that had passed between when he’d said goodbye to you to this moment, he’d never once regretted sending you far away from the fight. Even here, with Rebel, after Rebel dying and a fleet of Destroyer’s that would wipe out entire planets unless they bent to the will of the First Order, he felt a sense of peace knowing that you were safely tucked away well beyond the reaches of their tyranny. His child would grow up with a mother who could share stories of Poe’s life, his love for you, for them.

It still stung, though, knowing he would never see you again. That he would die fighting and his last thoughts would be of you, of his little family, and you would have no idea. He hoped when you did find out the Resistance was done, the fight was lost, that you didn’t take it too hard—didn’t blame yourself in any way. He wanted you to be mad at him, not at yourself, not after everything you’d done for him, everything you had sacrificed.

He almost could have laughed, bleak as the outlook now was it shouldn’t have hurt as much as it did that no aid had arrived, that Lando and Chewie flew to the inner core worlds for nothing—clearly, no one was coming. Just like the Battle of Crait, they were alone; only now Leia was gone and Poe was the General, he was the one everyone was screaming for orders from through the comms, he was the one that had to say it aloud.

“My friends,” His voice was scratchy, choked up, as his mind played flashes of his life—of you, of losing Charlie, marrying you, losing Leia. “I’m sorry. I’m so sorry—”

He would die taking down as many enemies as he could. He would tell the rest of them to either do the same or flee—he wouldn’t blame them if they fled. Poe could almost imagine himself doing it, but the idea of finding you somewhere out there and saying he’d left at the final hour made bile heave in his stomach. He would never abandon the fight, not when you had wanted to stay as much as you had, but left for the baby.

As he struggled to pull in a breath to speak, he recalled the last time he saw you.

It was late, the base quiet and most of the Rebels sleeping, all except for Poe and you—it was time to say goodbye, under the cover of darkness. He wasn’t allowed to follow you into the hangar because he couldn’t know even the most minute details of how you got off-planet. Still, he would walk you as far as he could, and savour every final second together.

“I changed my mind, I’m not leaving you.” You whispered, halting in the hallway and turning to face Poe. One hand ran absentmindedly over your swollen stomach, the other reached up to grip his forearm. Your lower lip trembled, and he felt every word you wanted to say to convince him you should stay.

Poe took a shuddering breath, “Sweet girl, you aren’t leaving me—stop thinking about it like that. You’re saving our baby, keeping them safe, remember?” He tried to keep the desperate plea minimal in his voice because it had been like this for the last few days. One moment you were reluctantly prepared to leave, the next you were begging to stay. He didn’t know how much more of this torture he could stand before he broke down and let you stay.

Your pretty eyes were bloodshot and red-rimmed, just like his. You’d each cried more than enough to last a lifetime, and although heat pricked the corners of his eyes now he knew no more tears could come until you were out of sight. He would cry in his bed alone tonight, and probably every night until he saw you again, but right now he needed to show strength.

You stepped into his arms and Poe hugged you close, your body angling your stomach so that it wasn’t pressed between you both. “I don’t...Poe, I don’t think I’m strong enough to do this.”

Poe stared at you in disbelief, “Not strong enough? Are you kidding me?” He brought his hands to cup your cheeks gently, “You are the strongest person I know. What you are about to do for us, for our baby, is the most incredible sacrifice anyone could make. Everything you are doing and have done in your life only proves how amazing and strong you are—no matter what happens, please never forget that, okay?”

You whimpered sadly, nodding your head, and Poe shakily pressed his lips to yours, capturing you for one last kiss. It was soft and for one brief moment, he let himself imagine it was a greeting, though in truth it only made his heart fracture further rather than make him feel any better.

“Whatever happens, Poe, we’ll be okay...so don’t worry about us, focus on yourself,” You reached up and pushed your hands into his curls, savouring them one final time. “Promise me you’ll never stop fighting, flyboy.”

Poe smiled sadly down at you, his eyes drinking in every detail of your beautiful face, “Never, sweetheart, I promise I’ll never stop fighting. And this isn’t goodbye,” He pressed one hand gently against your belly, “It’s just a...see you soon. Once I’m finished blowing shit up in my x-wing.”

You laughed, tears streaming down your face and then pulled Poe against you again, his hand stuck between your bodies as you crushed him in a strong embrace. “I love you, Poe.”

“Oh, sweet girl, I love you too.”

35 ABY - Sorgan

You missed flying, though the place Leia had sent Kes and you to barely had any air traffic, the planet much too out of the way. Still, it had a sky that night or day you’d find yourself gazing into, wishing you could feel that weightlessness that came with blasting off from base, that you would look to your left and see Poe in his ship, the stars stretching beyond.

Poe. Stars, you missed him more and more every day. You had trouble believing it had been over a year, that the baby was now eleven months old and starting to try and walk and they’d never met their father. Though each time this knowledge became too heavy, you reminded yourself of the peaceful life you were living on Sorgan and how that had been the whole point of you leaving the fight—for the baby, for safety.

Sorgan was so far removed that no news reached the planet from the middle and core rims, something you’re sure Leia knew when she decided to send you here. You sometimes felt suffocated, not knowing a single thing about what was happening out there, but then you knew if you did know, it might make it harder to stay. And you couldn’t leave, you knew that for certain the moment you’d laid eyes on your newborn when the Healer had set the baby in your arms, face pinched as shrieks filled the air until they’d calmed, skin to skin with you.

You had gazed at the beautiful baby and you knew that you could never bear to part from them, no matter what you did or didn’t know about the war. Nonetheless, it was perhaps infinitesimally easier to be ignorant and allow yourself to imagine that it was all going fine.

You were living in a small but cozy yurt on the edge of a fishing village. The simple space comprised of the main room that hosted the barebones kitchen with a big table to eat at and a couple of comfortable sitting chairs, and had two rooms, one on either side, for sleeping quarters. The baby was in a crib at the end of your bed, where you were laying now. Very much awake even as they slept soundly.

Or so you thought until you were jerking from your thoughts at their sudden cries. You waited for a minute, the soft cries more whimpers than anything, and hoped the baby would soothe themselves back to sleep. They hiccuped, however, and started to cry again from the jolt. You sighed before sliding out from under the covers and padding softly to their crib.

“Your eyes aren’t even open,” You accused, grinning at the baby with the scrunched face, all the drama of their dad and only eleven months. Carefully lifting them, you tucked the baby against your chest and began to stroll slow circles around the bedroom, swaying as you went. “You know, when your dad finally comes and meets you he’s taking night duty over. I don’t care how many wars he wins.”

The little coo you got in response was enough to tell you Bug was on your side.

Though every day apart from Poe was painful, you did savour the good moments with the little piece of your heart that remained, beating for the baby you held now. And on this peaceful, sleepy planet most days had plenty of good—even if you were sad. Kes was an incredibly positive man, and like his son knew how to read you well, often stepping in to whisk the baby away whenever he sensed your sorrow was too hard to contain. You tried to spend all of the energy you had smiling for Bug because that was the only thing you could really do.

The guilt was heavy. You knew Poe would be devastated if he knew just how much you carried, living so comfortably—if a little rustic—on Sorgan all while he spent every day fighting to stay alive. But it was easier to focus on that guilt, to hate yourself than it was to be afraid of losing him—never seeing him again. Stars, the guilt was practically a salve in comparison to that.

Some days though, it was harder to keep the frame of mind that staying was the only option. As the baby grew, the guilt began to feed a steady flow of ‘what if’s’ into your mind. It was getting harder to ignore the sense of it. When Bug started to mix food into their diet, weaning partially from your breastmilk, you told yourself you could wean them completely, earlier than you planned but then you could hire a ship to take you back to D’Qar...

Only, you didn’t even know if D’Qar was still safe anymore.

It was a circular battle you couldn’t win no matter the choice you made, though you always chose the baby, chose to stay because you promised Poe you would. He’d told you that you were making the greatest sacrifice, and he had been right—he knew he could distract himself with the fight, and that you would only be able to distract yourself so much with raising the baby. He understood you would spend every day apart wishing you could rejoin him.

A soft snore pulled you from your thoughts and you glanced down at the baby to find them fast asleep again. You smiled fondly, that little chunk of your heart giving a happy beat as you settled them back into their crib and ran your fingers gently over their soft cheek.

“Goodnight, Charlie, my sweet girl.” You whispered heart clenching at the sight of her chubby cheeks relaxed in sleep.

Deciding a cool drink was needed, you slipped from the quiet of your room and into the main extension of the yurt you shared with Kes. A single lamp lit the small space dimly, and you helped yourself to a glass of water and took a seat at the table. You weren’t sure how long you were sitting there before Kes appeared and sat down across from you with a knowing smile on his face.

He sat silently for a few minutes as you sipped at your drink, speaking only once you’d finished. “Can’t sleep again?”

You sighed, running your hands through your hair, exhaustion setting deep in your bones.

“I keep having the same dream, Kes. Poe and Bug, back home on Yavin-4. Only, the beach is in colour but they aren’t.” You choked up, glancing toward your room, where you could see the crib through the doorway.

Kes followed your gaze, “Bug will meet him someday. I know it. You need to believe that too, kiddo, and you really need to get some sleep.” He patted your hand gently before standing and you watched him make his way to his room, pulling the curtain across his doorway as he did.

Taking a deep breath, you pressed your palms into your closed eyes, willing your mind to settle so that you could go to bed and get some rest. You just don’t think you could stand to have the dream again—always waking up and wondering, would you ever really get to see Poe again? Would he ever get to meet his little girl?

When you climbed back beneath the cool sheets of your bed, you fell into light sleep, your dreams the same as ever—Poe playing with Charlie on the beach back home on Yavin-4 while you sat on a blanket on the sand watching, laughing as they splashed each other. Your family, together again.

35 ABY - Battle of Exegol

As wretched as it was to think of never seeing you again, this wasn’t the first time he thought he was going to die. At least here, in his x-wing, he could take out as many enemies as he could before going out in a blaze—just like...like Charlie.

“I thought we had a shot. There’s too many of them.” He finished speaking to the remaining fighters in resignation, his eyes heavy—he was tired, so tired. Enough so that when a new, familiar voice came clear over the comms, he sat up straighter before his mind even registered what they were saying.

“Oh, but there’s more of us, Poe. There’s more of us.”

Poe spun his ship around, his heart frozen in his chest, flew up over the wreckage of the one First Order ship they’d so far managed to take out—and there it was.

Lando and Chewie were back; he could see the Falcon, and behind them were thousands and thousands of ships. And still, more coming as he looked, pulling out of light speed to fall in with the Falcon. Poe could hardly believe his eyes, but right before him, he couldn’t doubt for a moment that his friends had come back and they...

They had brought hope.

You sat with your toes in the water, the sun shining on your back warm and comforting. Charlie splashed around happily, her water suit covering her arms and legs, joining her cute straw hat in protecting her from too much sunlight. She kept looking from the water around her chubby legs to the flowing stream behind her-as if dissatisfied with the ankle-deep water you had set her in.

“You can go in the river in a few years,” You cocked a brow at her as she gave you a pouty look. “You’re very cute, but mama says no.”

With a resigned sigh that seemed far too mature for her, she went back to splashing the water and you slid your toes towards her, wriggling them so that she tried to catch hold. When she managed to grab your big toe, you laughed and she giggled brightly, her gleeful peals filling the quiet around you.

It was a beautiful day on Sorgan. They all were, really, even the rainy days, the ones that kept you inside the yurt listening to the rain while Kes tried to teach Charlie how to crawl and you laughed as you watched them. But the sunny days were the best, the ones you could fill with endless activity to distract yourself as much as to tire out the baby. Because when your mind settled, it tended to stray off into dark thoughts.

Maybe Poe was gone.

Maybe he would never come to find you here, your little family would be memories of Poe as you raised his little girl with Kes instead. The weight of that responsibility, of ensuring she had a happy life all while missing a whole section of your heart for the rest of your own was heavy so you tried not to overthink it.

You channelled that energy into Charlie, focused on her and you think you were doing a good job of keeping her safe and content. You showed Charlie pictures of Poe every day, wanting to ensure she knew his face even if she would never get to see it in person. She’d been looking at him since she was just a little bean, and you repeated his name, ‘dada’, every time as well. She wasn’t speaking yet, but it couldn’t hurt to keep the association in her mind when she was ready to start talking.

Charlie stopped splashing and glanced up at you with wide eyes, her expression familiar. “Hungry, Bug?” You reached out for her and lifted her from the water, carefully standing and wading to the grassy spot you’d set your picnic up.

You dried her off first, then let her crawl on the blanket while you dry your feet before following her to sit. She beelined for you as you untied your tunic, lowering one side and easing your breast out, grateful your nanny droid had provided you with a soothing balm for your aching nipples. Breastfeeding was your favourite way to bond with her, but Stars, it came at a cost.

You settled Charlie against you and watched as she closed her eyes, suckling softly. You adjusted the tunic to protect her from the sun and fell into a quiet state as she fed. It was sometime later that the sound of a large ship captured your attention, breaking you from your meditation.

Charlie was asleep against you, her face still pressed to your breast, and didn’t stir as the ship, far in the distance, flew past. You wondered briefly, a jolt of electricity coursing through you wondering if it was Poe come to find you both. But when the ship flew only further away, you pushed the idea from your mind. It was probably a shipment from the core worlds going to the markets. You made a mental note to plan a trip there for the next day—if there were fresh supplies, you might find a treat or two. Get something nice for Kes, perhaps.

Feeling exhaustion hit, you napped with Charlie there on the river's edge. You had nothing to fear on Sorgan, and in fact, many of the neighbours in your village were around, not too close but enough so that if needed they could come and wake you. You kept Charlie protected from the sun but let it shine on you, the brightness no match for the gentle lull of sleep, the soft trickle of the river.

When you woke an hour later, you felt more rested than you had in some time, pausing as you sat up to stretch the kinks from your body. Charlie was wriggling and you knew she probably needed to be changed. “Time to go home?” You asked her with a grin, and she made a sour little face in response that made you laugh. You loved how expressive she was, how even though she wasn’t talking yet she managed to let you know how she felt.

With practiced movements, you packed up the little picnic, hoisted your bag over one shoulder before lifting her to sit against your hip, and made the short walk home. Kes was sitting outside the yurt when you arrived, reading, though he set the book down at the sound of your footsteps and grinned widely when Charlie cooed for him.

“Did you have a nice time, ladies?”

You smiled, “She sure loves the water, I should start taking her in the river, see how she likes floating,” Kes took her from you carefully—Charlie made a face and you both laughed, “Sorry, Kes, I think she needs to be changed.”

“No worries, you relax for a bit and I’ll deal with diaper duty.”

Nodding gratefully, you set your bag down on the chair Kes had vacated and turned to gaze out at the grassy lawn. It was a simple home, certainly not where you would have planned to raise a baby, but it was peaceful. You start to think about the next steps, how long you would stay on Sorgan before leaving. You would go ahead first, find out if it was safe, and then you wanted to return to Yavin-4. Not for a few years, although you’d like to leave before Charlie got too old and she was too attached to this place.

You stepped away from the front of the yurt to stare out over the fields. First towards the villagers as they came in from working for the day in the waters, ready to put their feet up before making dinner, and then you turned toward the river and watched the water for a while, your arms crossed, listening distantly to Charlie and Kes making each other laugh inside.

When a voice broke through your thoughts a short while later, you started in surprise before spinning, recognition of the honey-warm tone slamming into you.

“You dreaming about me, sweet girl?”

“Rey, I don’t know how I’ll ever be able to thank you—“

Rey cut Poe off, gripping his arm with a soft smile, “It was Leia, Poe. She found me before we left Ajan Kloss, she put the coordinates in my head, just in case she didn’t make it.”

Poe hugged her quickly, “Still, without you, I don’t know how long it would have taken me to find her here.” He hurried to the ramp, hitting the button to lower it with excitement mounting within him by the second.

“What do you want us to do?” Finn was standing next to Poe as he waited for the ramp to lower onto the grass.

Poe glanced up at his friend, “I have to go alone, can you wait for me here? I’ll come for you—or send for you—if I find them.” He adjusted his jacket as he spoke, nerves slicing his stomach to pieces. He hadn’t felt this close to you in almost a year and a half.

Finn nodded, a small smile on his lips, “We’ll wait. She has to be here, Poe, you’ll find her.” He clapped Poe on the shoulder encouragingly and he swallowed, unable to form a response so he just returned a half-smile and then clambered down the ramp.

Sorgan was a quiet, sleepy planet full of green. If you were here, the idea that you spent all this time in such a place was comforting to Poe—you would have been able to enjoy the land, be outside, not cooped up somewhere.

He was in a small village, and the market that lined the street was bustling with after-work crowds that were in the tens, the people all smiling at one another in a way that revealed how kind of a place it was. He wandered for a few minutes until he spotted a stand that carried medical supplies and approached the vendor, a friendly-looking older woman who grinned at him.

“Hello, stranger. How can I help you?”

Poe held up the photo he had of you, one he’d taken not long after finding out you were pregnant, your hand on your small belly and a big smile on your face. “Have you seen this woman, ma’am?”

“That’s Mrs. Carstairs,” She responded with a small nod. Poe felt his insides inflate, his excitement now ready to burst forth in a shout of glee that he had to bite back. He took a steadying breath, realizing that you had used your mother’s maiden name as your cover.

He grinned, “Yes, (y/n)—“

The woman cut him off, her eyes widening, “Oh now, you must be the husband. Now that I look at you, the baby has your eyes.”

Poe’s stomach turned over at this information. The baby had his eyes? “That’s me, do you know where I can find her, please?” He made to pull out some credits to pass over to the woman for her trouble, only she reached over to take his hand gently and shook her head, smiling.

“No need for that, dear,” She jerked her head in the direction of a nearby road that split off from the village, “Just follow that, about twenty minutes you’ll come across a fishing village. She lives right off that road on the outskirts of the village.”

Saying his thanks quickly, Poe ran faster than he had in his life in the direction she had indicated.

When he finally saw the little yurt along the main road, he breathed a sigh of relief. The sun was lowering in the sky and casting a golden glow over the ponds, fields and the nearby river. It was beautiful, and as he passed the fishing village he smiled at the villagers, who gave him curious looks before returning friendly smiles. He slowed to catch his breath, his eyes moving back to the yurt, now much closer. And then his gaze snapped to a figure standing not far from the door, gazing out in the direction of the river.

It was you.

His heart about ripped out of his chest at the sight of you alive and well. The closer he got he could see how you’d barely changed—your skin had seen more sunlight, your hair was longer, and he could see the soft curves of your figure that motherhood had brought on. He watched you for a moment, standing a few feet back, and he could hear his dad inside the yurt making a baby laugh.

Making his baby laugh.

“You dreaming about me, sweet girl?”

You spun around so fast you were a blur, though Poe didn’t miss the way your hand twitched toward the blaster at your hip before your eyes landed on him. Seeing this only made him grin more broadly, but nerves for the reunion kept him rooted to the spot. What if you were angry with him? The thought hadn’t occurred to him before this, but perhaps you-

“POE!” You cried out, and then you were running forward and jumping into his arms and it was everything he’d dreamed of and more. He caught you and held you close as you both fell to your knees in the grass, and Poe let himself get lost in the moment, sobs pulling from deep within.

He hugged you as tight as he could and then started to pepper your face with kisses, “Oh my sweet girl, I missed you. Stars above, I missed you,” He murmured, his eyes closing as your fingers sunk into his curls and tugged him, your lips crashing to his in a desperate kiss that felt exactly like coming home.

“I was so afraid you wouldn’t be able to find us,” You whimpered after pulling back, your body still pressed against his, “I can’t believe you’re finally here...”

Poe shook his head, “Leia had a backup plan all along. Stars, you are so beautiful,” He swept his fingers over your cheeks, getting a good look at you now and seeing how well cared for you looked; Sorgan had been good to you. “I’m here now. It’s over, we’re safe now.”

You released your hold on his head to run your hands over your face, wiping at your tears, “Poe, the baby’s just inside, I—”

Poe and you both turned your heads at the same time at the sound of Kes coming out the door, his excited shout of glee making you both grin wider. He was holding the baby in his arms, and they looked around at the sound of your laugh, eyes just like Poe’s wide and curious—what a beautiful sight.

For a beat, the baby just stared at him, and then as Kes moved closer, a smile—a little smirk just like yours—appeared.

“Dada!”

Kes froze and glanced down at the baby in surprise, and Poe heard you gasp, one of your hands landing on his arm and squeezing excitedly. “That’s right Charlie, sweet girl, this is your Dada!”

Poe couldn’t stop staring at the baby, who hadn’t looked away from him either even as you spoke to her. She made grabby hands then, reaching for him and he tentatively raised his hands. His dad closed the gap between them and lowered the baby and he took hold of her cautiously, words caught in his throat and his heart beating fast.

She was a solid thing, sturdy in his arms and cooing happily as she gazed up in wonder at Poe. She was stunning, her eyes honey-brown and lined with thick, long lashes just like yours. Her skin was soft, and she was chunky, her baby rolls making him smile wider. After a minute, she spoke again, “Dada!” She raised her little fists towards his scruffy jaw before glancing at you.

Poe followed her gaze, “How does she know me?” He breathed, his heart in his throat.

Your watery smile only grew, “Showed her your picture every day. Wanted her to know her daddy, even if he...he couldn’t be with us,” You shuffled closer, one arm securing itself around Charlie and grasping Kes’ arm. “That was her first word, Poe. She said it just for you.”

Tears stinging at his eyes, Poe sat huddled with his family, clutching the baby closer with one arm, the other around your shoulders. His dad had thrown his arms around both you and Poe and was lamenting about how good it was to see him while Charlie cooed happily in his arms.

The moment was better than he’d ever dreamed.

Poe couldn’t put Charlie down. He carried her around for the rest of the evening, following you into the comfortable yurt you had called home all this time, one hand always on you, keeping you close.

Dad was making dinner and Poe enjoyed the banter you had, the routine of living together clearly having established itself long ago. He felt a jolt of gratitude for his dad dropping everything on Yavin-4 to take care of you and Charlie all this time.

He ate with one hand, relinquishing his hold on you but tugging you into his side before eating, his eyes constantly drinking in every expression on the baby’s face. He hadn’t realized how in love he would be so instantly, and certainly had not expected Charlie to adore him just as much—he’d thought the baby would be shy around him, maybe cry when he held them. But you had ensured she knew his face, his name—just another thing you did for him.

Poe was never going to be able to thank you enough for everything you had done.

“Poe?” Your soft voice broke into his thoughts and he looked around at you. You gave him a tentative sort of look, “Where is BB8?”

His shoulders relaxed automatically, “Oh he’s on the ship I came here in...with my friends,” He grinned and you copied him, your eyes curious, “I’ll go get them tomorrow and you can meet...I have so much to tell you, sweetheart.”

Your expression softened, “We have all the time in the world now.” You reached up and stroked his jaw, the motion so familiar his eyes automatically closed and emotion swelled in his chest. Before he could reply, he felt a second, much smaller hand land on his jaw and begin to copy the movement.

He smiled, looking through his lashes to see Charlie watching you intently as she imitated you, “Clever baby,” He murmured, and Charlie lit up at the sound of his voice. He turned his head and kissed her little hand affectionately.

“She gets her brains from me,” Kes piped up, tossing a wink at you before collecting everyone’s plates. He set them in the large stone sink before glancing at his watch. “You want to put her down for the night in my room?”

As you nodded, your eyes falling from Kes to Charlie, Poe felt a flush begin to creep up his neck at the idea of being alone with you again after so much time. He wanted to hold you close with nothing separating your bodies and curl into your healing warmth. Your hand reached for his, pulling him from his thoughts, and you tipped your head toward the baby in his arms, whose eyes were blinking slowly as exhaustion set in.

“Time for bed, little Bug,” You murmured, leading Poe towards your room. The curtain across the doorway sat open, fluttering slightly in the cool evening air, and the room was dark, illuminated only by the moonlight outside and some of the filtering light from the lamps in the main room of the yurt.

Poe carried Charlie to her crib, pressing his lips gently to her forehead, “Goodnight, Charlie, I love you.” He whispered, smiling to himself when she replied with a sleepy little coo. You took her from Poe then and took a moment to show him how to put the baby down for the night.

His heart was beating wildly in his chest as he watched you soothe Charlie, your fingers brushing delicately over her cheeks until her fluttering lashes settled and a small snore confirmed she was asleep. Poe hadn’t felt so much love in such a long time, he was half convinced he wouldn’t survive all of it thrumming through him now. And Stars, he was fucking proud of you, of how good of a mother you were; you’d done an amazing job raising Charlie so far, and he briefly worried about how he would ever be able to compare to you; if he could be as good of a parent as you were.

Once you had Charlie tucked in, you pushed the crib silently into Kes’ room, then wandered over to an armchair and picked up a blanket. When you turned to look up at Poe, his breath caught at the expression on your face. “Come with me, flyboy.”

Gulping, Poe followed you outside and across the grassy lawn in silence. You led him straight to a secluded spot along the riverbank, the flow of the water the only sound he could hear aside from his heartbeat. He wasn’t exactly sure why, but he suddenly felt nervous, alone with you for the first time in over a year—he’d faced down death countless times since, and yet it was this moment that was giving him pause.

He watched as you carefully spread the blanket out on the cool grass, then slipped off your shoes before stepping towards Poe with a soft smile. “Come here,” You whispered, and he closed the gap between you both eagerly. Kicking off his shoes before pulling you against him in a crushing hug, nuzzling his face into your neck, inhaling your familiar scent deeply.

He couldn’t have said who started to cry first, just that the moment he had you tight in his arms, you were both taking shuddering breaths. He let himself sob in a mixture of joy and sadness for everything, one hand cradling your head against his chest as you sniffled. “Sweet girl,” Poe drew back to look down at you after a few minutes, “Maker, I missed you. Every day was...shit, just complete shit without you.” He admitted, eyes closing automatically when you reached up to brush the tears from his face.

“I missed you too, but you’re here now, Poe. You’re here and you’re safe,” You whispered, leaning up on your tiptoes and pressing a gentle kiss to the end of his nose, “You’re safe, baby.”

He kissed you then; harsher than he’d intended, but you met him with equal intensity, your hands sliding into his hair to draw him closer, teeth clashing. The need then, to be with you, became overwhelming—he pushed your pants down frantically, then undid the tie of your wrap tunic and slid it off your shoulders, grunting when he realized you wore no chest band beneath.

You’d started undressing him, but when your hand passed over his length he brushed his fingers against your pebbled nipples in response and you hissed, body jerking away slightly. Poe’s eyes snapped open and he quickly pulled back from kissing you, “Sweetheart, did I hurt you?”

You tugged at his shirt, smiling softly, and he removed it before glancing down your body, his eyes drinking in every glorious curve, the fullness to your breasts. “Breastfeeding is hard on these,” You replied, gesturing toward your somewhat swollen nipples, “You didn’t hurt me, just need to be careful.”

Poe nodded his understanding, surveying your postpartum body with a new wild hunger he’d never before experienced. You were beautiful, always, but something about seeing your shape with its new fullness, your milk-filled breasts and soft stomach—it made him feral. With a groan, he quickly helped you to lay down on the blanket, careful to avoid your chest as he peppered kisses down your warm body, relishing in every square inch of you. “My beautiful love,” He spread your legs apart, his hand trailing down the slit of your wet heat, “Oh sweet girl, so wet for me. You’re a fucking dream.”

As much as he wanted to taste you, lick you until you couldn’t see, the need to be inside of you was too great to allow for any more time apart. Propping himself on one arm, Poe gripped your thigh, lifting it from the ground, and gently rocked his hips forward, groaning as you tightly gripped around his cock, your body needing his just as much.

“Oh fuck, Poe...”

“I know—I’ve got you,” Poe whispered, settling between your thighs, he dropped your leg and lowered his body fully over yours, careful to keep his weight on his arm. He captured your lips against his as he slowly dragged his cock back, then rutted forward, building a slow pace meant to draw out the feeling of bliss for as long as possible. “Missed you—dreamt of you every night, baby, every fucking night.”

You had one hand tangled in Poe’s curls, the other pressed into his lower back and your legs wrapped around his hips. You whimpered, “N-never leaving you again,” The words came out strained, thick with emotion even as you moaned at the feel of him moving within you, “It’s you a-and me, f-forever. Forever.” Your back arched slightly, and Poe groaned at the change in angle, your walls clamping around him harder.

“Fuck,” He felt himself getting close and quickly slid his free hand between his body and yours, slamming into you as he circled your clit tenderly. “Forever, sweet girl, I promise—cum for me, let me feel you—“

“Poe—“ You whined, your eyes fluttering as your pleasure spiked, and he felt your body go rigid beneath him as his hips stuttered—he came with you, spilling himself with a groan as you trembled and moaned, then pressing himself as deep as he could while you both came tumbling back to each other.

When Poe finally collapsed next to you, he slipped out of you carefully before tugging you into his side, pressing his lips to the crown of your head while you both caught your breath. “Still...still got it, flyboy.” You joked, giggling when Poe shifted to look down at you with a smirk.

“I was going to say the same to you.”

“Ah well, it’s busy work running around after a baby, you know. Keeps you fit.” You grinned, snuggling against Poe as the cool night air seemed to seep between you. He reached above his head, grabbing his shirt and tossing it over your upper body to protect you from getting too cold.

Once he was satisfied you were comfortable, he rolled so that he was looking down at you, your head resting on his forearm. “Sweet girl, you—I mean, Charlie is perfect. You kept her safe, raised her, taught her who I was...I can never thank you enough, but I’m going to spend the rest of my life trying.”

“Oh Poe,” You smiled, your eyes glistening as you gazed up at him with a fondness that he felt almost undeserving of, a hand cupping his cheek. “You came back to us, that’s all I could have ever asked for—you’re alive and you’re here.” You choked up, then, and Poe leaned down to press his forehead to yours, cupping your cheek softly with one hand.

You lay together for a short while; until the cold became too much. Curling up together in bed sounded almost too good to be true. “Come on, sweet girl, let’s get some sleep,” He gathered you in his arms, pausing as you grabbed at the clothing he wasn’t going to bother putting on, and carried you into the yurt, the blanket abandoned in the grass outside.

When Poe had his body pressed against yours under the comforter of the bed you’d slept in alone all this time, he kept his arms securely around you and felt peace wash over him, “Going to introduce you to some pretty special friends in the morning, and then we can plan our next steps, my love.”

With a happy little sigh, you tucked your head into his neck and fell asleep promptly, your light snores lulling him until, just at the precipice of sleep, he smiled to himself—he was home.

The first thing you noticed when you woke early the next morning was the bed next to you was empty. Your hands roamed for Poe and when you didn’t find him you sat up quickly, wondering if perhaps you had dreamt of the day prior, of him coming home...

Only, a little giggle from outside your room sounded and you heard Poe proudly declare, “Clever, just like your mama, Charlie girl.”

You hadn’t ever known happiness like this, truly. Your heart was full and repaired and you couldn’t believe how after so much time, so many years of mistakes and pain, you were married to your best friend and he was currently waiting for you to wake up while caring for your baby, the little girl who shared traits of the both of you. This felt like a dream, but it was so raw it couldn’t be anything other than real.

You sprang from bed, throwing on your robe and hurrying out to see Poe holding Charlie as he sat in the armchair, bouncing her on his knee as she giggled for him. When you paused to watch, a smile stretching over your face, he glanced up at you and his own broadened, eyes shining brightly with affection.

“Morning, mama,” His thick morning voice always sent heat through you, and the fact that he was sitting shirtless, his hard muscles flexing as he moved Charlie only doused further fuel on the fire within. He seemed to read that in your expression, his soft eyes darkening somewhat before he sent you a wink that said there’d be time for that again later.

Charlie had looked around to follow Poe’s gaze and she cooed loudly when she saw you, her hands raised towards you. You frowned, “Oh, now you want mama time? Could it be that you’re hungry?” Charlie made grabby hands as Poe laughed and you pulled her from his arms before settling into the chair next to him, easing your robe open enough for her to have access to your chest.

Settling her in for her meals was second nature to you; you knew the way she preferred to lay, how to hold her just right, that she liked to feed quietly in the mornings but at night you were allowed to rub her back and speak soothing words to her. As she began to suckle, you carefully adjusted your breast to make the angle more comfortable, then glanced up remembering that Poe was watching.

The expression on his face was stunning—he was watching you rapturously, as though the sight before him was the most beautiful he’d ever seen. You saw emotion mixed in with the awe and the adoration, and you knew he was feeling grateful he hadn’t missed something as pure as this entirely, that Charlie hadn’t grown too much.

You leaned your head back to rest and smiled at Poe warmly, “She’s on partial foods now, you can feed her yourself a little later, if you want.” You whispered, and his face brightened even more. You felt a bit like those first days after you’d joined him and your brother on D’Qar, the giddy joy of reuniting making the smiles stretch for days.

“I’d love that,” He shuffled his chair closer, resting one hand behind where you were holding Charlie, the other raising to brush over your cheek. “Does it...hurt?”

You shook your head and his look of concern relaxed, “Not really, she’s good about not biting,” Poe cringed at the thought and you giggled, “She’s a good baby. Now, you said you wanted us to meet your friends?”

He nodded, his expression softening sadly, “They’re the reason I was able to make it home to you...I have so much to tell you, but I want you to meet them first.” Poe’s eyes dropped down to watch Charlie again and you let him have a moment, recognizing he had suffered a great deal over the year and a half apart.

You let your eyes wander over his bare torso and noticed now, in the morning light, that he had some new scars, some angrier than the others. The idea of him having been hurt made your stomach sink, and you couldn’t help but lean toward him, capturing his lips against yours when he glanced up. He moaned softly at the tender kiss, petting your hair, and you let yourself sink into the moment, pulling back only when Charlie stirred.

“Where did you leave them?”

Poe gestured toward the main village, “Just outside the village, on our ship. I could go and get them—“

You shook your head, “I think a walk will do us all good. Let’s get dressed, eh Charlie?” You made a face at the baby, who was sleepily peering up at you, happy with her tummy now full, and she smiled at your expression.

Poe insisted on changing Charlie’s diaper and dressing her, so you merely stood by and watched, handing him her daytime outfit and trying not to laugh too hard as he struggled. You could see the joy in his eyes as he attempted to get her arms through the sleeves, his big hands so incredibly gentle as he worked. It took about twice as long as normal, but eventually, Charlie was ready to go and you took her from Poe, strapping her to your chest with a sarong, watching him as he dressed.

You wanted to ask about the new scars. But you were afraid when you did, it would open up the vault he was currently guarding and all of the terrible stories would come tumbling out. Enjoying this peaceful reunion for a little longer wouldn’t hurt anyone, so you resisted the urge and instead popped your head into Kes’s room to let him know where you were going.

“It was hard, not knowing anything,” You admitted quietly as you walked along with Poe, Charlie gazing around happily. The arm draped over your shoulders tightened somewhat at your words. “Leia sure picked a good place for us, though. It’s been quiet, safe.”

You glanced at him, the tension in his jaw confirming something you’d suspected since he’d arrived-after he’d mentioned it was thanks to one of his new friends that he’d been able to find you. Leia was gone, but he didn’t know how to tell you—just as much as you were avoiding asking him for details, he was reluctant to give them.

“Yeah, she knew what she was doing,” He replied softly before his eyes lit up. You followed his gaze and saw a large ship, its ramp lowered, come into view just as a familiar orange and white blur was speeding in your direction.

“Buddy!” You yelled, hurrying forward and dropping to one knee to greet BB8, one arm securing Charlie closer to ensure she didn’t get too jostled from your movements. The droid beeped and whirred excitedly and the baby began to giggle, craning her head to look at BB8. “Charlie, this is BB8, wave hi—“ You laughed as Charlie roughly flopped her chubby arm in the direction of the droid.

You could feel Poe’s hand resting lightly on the crown of your hand, and you looked up at him to speak but before you could, another voice chimed in. “Poe, man, you found them!” A handsome man with enviably smooth skin and a friendly grin was walking towards you with a pretty woman who had sad eyes next to him.

Poe helped you to stand back up, his arm securing around you as he led you forward to meet his friends. “Finn—Rey, meet my better half, (y/n), and my kid, Charlie.”

You saw the pair shoot wide-eyed looks at Poe when he said Charlie’s name, and you realized he must have told them about you, about your brother. The thought warmed your heart even further. You reached out and grasped each of their hands in turn, grinning, “It is really lovely to meet you, thank you for getting Poe back to me and Charlie safely.”

Finn smiled warmly, “Hey, he saved our asses as much as we saved his,” Poe shoved his arm playfully, laughing. Rey was quiet, you noticed, gazing at the baby thoughtfully. You wondered who she had lost.

“Do you want to hold her?” You asked, and Rey met your eyes in surprise, though after a brief pause she smiled nervously and nodded. Her smile lit up her whole face, and you were glad you thought to offer the baby as a way to pull it from her—babies had a way of making the sad a little less daunting.

You lifted Charlie out of the sarong, “Say hi to Auntie Rey, Charlie!” Charlie began to babble incoherently in that cheerful baby talk as she settled against Rey’s hip. She watched her, smiling to herself, before glancing between you and Poe.

“She’s beautiful,” Rey’s hand caught one of Charlie’s, squeezing gently, “Takes after her mama, clearly.” She tacked on, throwing Poe a look that made you laugh out loud.

Finn, you noticed, was watching Rey hold the baby with a quiet expression of adoration that made you smile inwardly. He caught you staring and grinned cheekily. As he began to chide Poe teasingly, a sudden memory came to mind, of the last time you had spoken to your father.

“Just remember, family always comes first—but we can make our own family, sweetie,” Dad squeezed your hand, “Family is what we make it, big or small, blood-related or not. So you make sure to surround yourself with good people, people you love and trust, and you’ll always have a family.”

And as you stood there, gazing at your new friends, the people who had ensured your Poe had come back to you, you realized that you were only adding to your family today. You felt like the luckiest woman in the entire galaxy, your heart was bursting with joy and hope for everything still to come.

Poe pressed a kiss to your temple, and you shot him a smile, knowing he felt it too.

Here, you thought, was where the next chapter of your life began. And you couldn’t be more excited.

A/N—THANK YOU for reading this story, for enjoying this journey with me and loving my characters so much. I’m hopeful you loved this final chapter and can’t wait to hear your thoughts. And of course, we still have the epilogue coming!🤍

Taglist

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[gffa]

I know I've brought this up before, but how much of the fandom reception of the prequels do you think stemmed from the genre dissonance? That the prequels, genre-wise, are closer to high fantasy, while the OT is more an adventure/space western/underdog triumph story.

The prequels also have elements more reminiscent of a romantic period/court drama/Shakespearean tragedy, while if you consider the underdog angle of the OT, the OT also seems kinda similar to some of those inspirational movies about sports teams or something, or a shonen anime with the "Power of Friendship".

I'm just saying, these are rather disparate genres that tend to attract different demographics of people.

And not many people tend to be... great about understanding why they don't like something, much less putting it into words, or understanding that they can dislike something without that something being actually bad. (For example, instead of "I just don't really like [thing]," the usual statement is something along the lines of "[thing] absolutely sucks.")

So the usual response is trying to find (and gather) solidarity while putting down or being condescending towards any dissent, and trying to justify their own dislike. (*gestures vaguely towards pineapple on pizza*)

And historically, it's not uncommon for people to... react strongly towards things they find... different or abnormal, which they judge based on themselves, their emotional response to something, and what they're used to.

Looking at kids, this behavior is... fairly normal. "You're weird," "ew, why do you like that, that's gross," "that's stupid," and so on. A lot of kids/teens/young adults also get defensive really easily. And let's face it--adults are basically just older, taller kids who've had to deal with more of life.

(To be honest, I also get defensive really easily. A lot of people do, and it's... it's normal. The defensive reaction can be lashing out, denial, or just being passive-aggressive or staying silent and tuning it out or mentally rolling your eyes at it. But I'm trying to work on it, because just because it's normal doesn't mean it's a good reaction.)

So, what I'm wondering is whether some fans dislike the prequels simply because it's a different genre...

...but instead of realizing that, they try to defend and justify their dislike by pointing fingers and criticizing whatever stood out or looked different from the OT or cherry-picking details/taking things out of context or making negative conflations (that can be refuted).

Because it's not about logic, it's about how they feel. And people want to feel justified and validated, and we want to feel like we're right and we enjoy staying in our comfort zones. So... yeah. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

LOL, okay, this response is going to be really disjointed because I went off in like a dozen different tangents and even then it's not enough to cover everything, so just kind of read this in a Scattered Thoughts Nerd kind of tone, where I'm staring off into the distance because Navel Gazing Gets Me Going Sometimes. 😂 In my experience, it's sort of a mix. I don't hang around a lot of people who dislike the prequels (in the sense of dismissing them/not being fannish about them) because, well, that's the heart of my interest in Star Wars, so our areas of interest basically don't really overlap that much, so I don't have a chance to talk to a lot of people and find out their reasons or even how they dislike the prequels, in the bigger trends of fandom. I do think there's an element of what you're talking about, that sometimes people can't just dislike things because it's not their genre of choice, that's absolutely a part of it. Mostly because that's how a lot of people react to anything they don't like (and it's something I and literally everyone else has to work on), there has to be a reason for it that it's objectively bad and, like, I have experienced a lot of people getting mad because I like something in a different way than they do. And I don't mean just in Star Wars fandom, but in almost any given fandom--if someone likes something in a way someone else doesn't, if they talk loudly about it (even within their own space), then there's always a contingent of people who have to find a reason why that person is objectively wrong (or even try to make them morally wrong), rather than just shrugging and going, "We see things differently, my view on things doesn't overwrite theirs and their view on things doesn't overwrite mine." It gets more complicated in instances where fandom attitudes genuinely can be hurtful, especially when they're overlapping into the way real people are treated, likes/dislikes don't 100% exist in a bubble, especially when it comes to queer fans, fans of color, disabled fans, mentally ill fans, etc. But that there are a lot of instances where fandom culture has always been--and is increasingly so--contentious and it's hard to chill out when someone is always screaming at you, when the atmosphere of the fandom is always so intense. Further, there's also an element of how fandom has always been--and also is increasingly so--about personal resonance, personal emotional investment, interpretation, and meaning. That sometimes we identify with something so deeply that we feel attacked when someone else likes or dislikes something we feel so strongly about, something that we feel is a reflection of ourselves, and I see a lot of that as well. And this, too, often crosses over into lines of how the context of how we treat characters can be reflections of how we treat real world people, but that there's no monolith here as well. For example: I make fun of Anakin, this angers some people, because how dare I not take this fictional victim 100% seriously, despite that I have repeatedly said that Anakin is the character I most identify with, that things I make fun of him for are ones that I resonate with personally. I'm not disrespecting mentally ill people, especially considering that Anakin is not bound to a single interpretation on this front--he is not canonically mentally ill, no matter how easy it is for us in fandom to map much of that onto his character or, in my case, feel that so much of what I see in him are things I struggle with myself. By and large, the majority of the people I see (at least on tumblr) who make fun of Anakin are doing so within the same vein, that they're being silly about him on things that they personally relate to. (My experiences on this are not universal, I cannot speak for the whole of even any one part of fandom, only my own sphere of experience, but this is what I've seen.) As always, it's fine if someone doesn't vibe with my style or they find that it's not their thing because they do take him more seriously, but that preference does not make my jokes

suddenly not have the context that I relate a lot to what I see in Anakin. In contrast, the way some of the fandom treats Mace or Finn isn't just personal all the time. Not liking their characters isn't inherently racist, but the way they're consistently, consistently treated sure as hell speaks to a larger pattern of racism in fandom and doesn't come without that context. It's the same with Rey--is there a huge vein of misogyny when it comes to her character? Abso-fucking-lutely there is. Things Luke and Anakin get a pass on, Rey is raked over the coals for. Is everyone who dislikes Rey a misogynist? Not even close. Some don't like her because Finn was used as a prop for her story. Some people don't like her because she got sucked into Kylo Ren's story too much. Some just don't care for the way she was written for other reasons. Some just don't vibe with her. It's fine. Nothing is a monolith. And to circle this back around to what you're talking about--it's hard to judge, both because no part of fandom is a monolith in their reactions, but also because we're only hearing from a selection of the fans. How do you know how many people who aren't fans of the prequels, who just don't care for them because it's not their genre, but just go about their day? You don't hear from a lot of them because they moved on to things they do like, so it seems like they must not exist--except, they do, and they're just out there doing things they like more. We only hear from the people who feel the need to tell others they dislike the prequels for this reason or that reason, some valid, some less valid, etc. Ultimately, I do think there's probably a fair amount of genre dissonance for why people dislike the prequels and channel that into "they're objectively bad" and get defensive when people like them and say they were great, but only because that's true of anything anywhere. But that it's only one small slice of the bigger picture (and there's a lot of stuff that I had to eschew in the writing of this response as well because it can be a pretty sprawling topic), where there are tons of reasons and reactions that people have, as well as they're perfectly free to dislike the prequels for whatever reason they do or don't have, it doesn't really affect my opinions, unless they're trying to shove it in my face or are being a dick to those who disagree with them.

[mc-doppomine]

Dunno why this came to mind...maybe calculating Jakurai’s deal here...Who knows but here I am imagining how much schooling these boys have gone through. 

As a note, I am not saying their schooling level as any jab to them. All people are different. Some would prefer going to school, some do not have the opportunity and some have other things to do. It really is many reasons why they would or wouldn’t go on. And I’m just guessing what I think they’ve done based off information we have of them. 

Buster Bros!!!

Ichiro I feel only completed compulsory school and some of high school. He was too busy supporting the orphanage and his brothers to really keep up with it. And considering Yorozuya Yamada is likely their only source of income, he hasn’t really gone back either. I don’t that particularly bothers Ichiro since while he wasn’t bad at school he wouldn’t say he liked it either. 

Jiro is at the age where he didn’t have to go to school anymore but Ichiro made him stay. As it was just better options for Jiro if he does finish school. He also doesn’t go to cram school as 1) he can’t stand school as is, 2) he likely goes to help Ichiro with the business and 3) there’s a chance they can’t afford to send him. Despite the latest drama tracks, I don’t see school being a point of contention between them even if Jiro doesn’t like school. I don’t see him pursuing a traditional higher education, if he even goes at all.

Saburo is still in compulsory school as far as I understand so it’s not really a question of if he goes. But obviously Ichiro would want him to stay. Especially him because he’s good at it and seems to like it. That and it might help Saburo’s social skills to have to be around kids his age. For the most of the same reasons, Saburo doesn’t do cram school either. If anything he probably could tutor if he didn’t get so easily frustrated with people. I do feel he could make it to the top schools when he gets older but I see an interest in going overseas for uni.

Mad Trigger Crew

Samatoki I don’t think went past compulsory schooling. He was too busy with yakuza stuff to really deal with school. I see him getting into a lot of fights over his background, namely badmouthing of his parents. He probably had Nemu stay though because he wanted her to have options. I think he’s really good with money even though he probably hasn’t had to worry about it for a long time

Jyuto I initially was gonna say did go to college but researching a little bit, he probably didn’t. He only would need to finish high school and pass exams. Which I feel he was prepared for. Like I think he’s been set on being a cop for a long time and worked for that. Which is why I’ll also go out on a limb and say that in high school this boy was a runner so he was also in shape for his training when he passed exams. I also think Jyuto was a good boy student.

Rio likely went into military service as soon as he could, which I believe is 18 over there. It’s a little harder to tell about how the service was since the world of hypmic is one that had another war, so it’s likely his time was busier than what it would be normally for someone in the navy. He absolutely could’ve gone to uni and come back to get a better rank but I don’t think Rio really cared about that aspect of it. (This man knows communications and some hacking, you cannot tell me he couldn’t have gone far) I will say he likely took advantage of his half-American status and is fluent in English as it would’ve been useful for joint exercises with the states. I think the dissolution of the navy really shot him in the foot but he’s just too resourceful to keep down with that.  

Fling Posse

Ramuda...obviously didn’t. And I don’t think his records would show anything. Like if it had to show anything, it would probably show him going to a super large school where it’s completely possible no one knows who the hell he was (because he was never there). And if he was based off someone, he likely had some of his credentials taken from them. He understand the culture of schooling though, I mean his style and personality does seem to draw girls high school age and older. 

Gentaro is pretty hard to imagine to be honest. I don’t see him enjoying his school life and being around classmates for an extended amount of time. And while I think he could’ve spent some time in academia in literary research, I also see him finding it way too stuffy for writing. But I think ultimately...he went to uni for a short time. For some reason I just don’t see him vibing with how the system is for it. 

Dice did not. I don’t think he finished high school although he could’ve if he wanted. But he probably avoids it because it’d be an easier way to keep track of him and run contrary to his stray sort of life style. 

Matenrou

Jakurai...is a doctor...I sure HOPE he went to school for his profession. So he studied some of the stuff you need for doctoring during his time as an assassin but he didn’t actually go into studying to be a doctor until he quit his killing at 23. He probably went into the national defense medical college, which seems to be 6 year program but you have an extra 2-3 years of compulsory service with it. I think he likely finished his compulsory service, at the latest, a year before the Dirty Dawg timeline. Or OR he faked his schooling and just knew the equivalent knowledge from his time as an assassin and was able to pass his exams and later studied whatever he lacked. He’s basically fully legally certified NOW, don’t worry...

Hifumi I just can’t see going past high school. Like I’ve always seen the incident happening in his last year of high school and it made it difficult for him to even finish. And considering he claimed in the first Matenrou drama track that he didn’t find a way to live with his phobia until he was 20...I don’t think he went. Not that he would’ve been interested in it. Hifumi is interested in what he likes and wouldn’t want to put the effort either way. I don’t think he really cares and he has more than enough skills (and money) to do just about whatever he wants.

Doppo likely went to uni. He couldn’t get into the real prestigious schools and knew he couldn’t so just went for wherever he could get into rather than wait to test again. I feel like his degree is in either accounting or business. I think he had a part-time while in school to pay for it since it seems like his family might not be as well off or he didn’t want to burden his parents (in a passing conversation I think he mentioned paying for his brother’s exams or schooling). For some reason I also can see him having a minor in biology because I see him either knowing a lot about plants or knowing a lot about marine life. What kind of person just thinking of a water flea for like a small creature?

Dotsuitare Hompo

Sasara I feel like he didn’t go past high school. Not that he couldn’t. Just that he didn’t find a need to? Not when he was set on going into comedy. Like it was either make it or be trapped with his family. And he was hard noooope. 

Rosho....is a teacher? I sure HOPE he went for his teaching certificate. I don’t think he was going to initially and might not have while he was doing the comedy game with Sasara? Their time line is a little fuzzy, I haven’t found the indicator of if Rosho and Sasara disbanded before he went to MCD or after. If it was before, then yes he went to school after they disbanded. If not, then he was in school while doing the manzai thing. So yeah dual major of mathematics (or statistics) and education (he didn’t need both but I have faith in him).

Rei most definitely went to fucking uni. This bastard would let you think he didn’t but he did. He’s probably a fucking doctor or just shy of it. Drives me mad. Why am I sure? Because if Rei is behind the hypnosis mics. As in the designer and/or inventor of it, he is a scientist or engineer of some type. I see him having a degree in either biotechnology or neuroscience. I learn towards the latter because I feel like he also got a minor in psychology (or y’know what, business is possible too for a minor). Just to mess with people.

Bad Ass Temple

Kuko I feel was the same as Ichiro in that he went to high school but not necessarily finishing it. I don’t believe he would’ve had to...if anything he’s gone back to his teachings at his temple. Yet it seems he doesn’t do that either so I’m not sure. I just don’t think he did anything past high school. 

Jyushi I think he might’ve just finished high school? I don’t know if he was just finishing or he’s soon to be doing exams. But I think he’s going to finish regardless. Y’know I feel like Jyushi would’ve liked going to uni. I can’t think of what he’d go to school for though! Would it be adding too much work to a passion if he did something with music theory? 

Hitoya...is a lawyer? So yeah? And you have to wonder if Hitoya is a masochist or loves to learn or what have you. Because he was in medical school WITH Jakurai. And then when they part ways, he quits and then goes into LAW. Are you kidding me? Hitoya, Hitoya please...I looked it up, he HAS to be a masochist! Law in Japan is super hard to get into! It has one of the most difficult bar exams to exist! What are you doing, man??? Although...I think Hitoya is still fairly new as a lawyer though because him starting when I assume Jakurai started school at 23, would have him only being fully practicing for 5 years. And that’s assuming he dropped out the first year and not later...which would only shrink he years outside. Unless whatever he got for his bachelors was applicable for law too (behavioral science?)...either way, yes he’s done it and he sure does do a lot to beat a guy that doesn’t even know they’re competing.