#sign of mental illness probably
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just watched eileen after obsessing about when it's coming out for a whole year. what the fuck am i supposed to be obsessed with now? what do you mean i won't be checking the release info on imdb everyday anymore? the movie was incredible and i'm glad i watched it but at what cost...
#eileen#anne hathaway#sign of mental illness probably#both the obsession and the fact i liked the movie
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like i see people say stuff like “rei is a deconstruction of the idea of like the perfect girl in a male gaze-y way” and and i'm ready to agree until they go “it’s because she’s creepy and weird and bad!” like no. rei's a deconstruction of misogynistic ideas of womanhood because they’re ideals forced upon her that damage her, not because she’s in any way “creepy”. like, the fact she’s a fourteen year old girl who was basically used as a substitute wife by her father bc she looked like his own dead wife is not something that is meant to make rei look bad like holy shit.
like both rei and asuka are very obviously like. showing fantasised and misogynistic ideas of an idealised woman don’t work irl yeah. shinji's misogynistic view of them is wrong. but that’s not because rei and asuka are bad people it’s because like. “fourteen year old who's flirty and seductive” and “fourteen year old who's a quiet obedient object” are major signs of abuse and trauma and anyone actually acting in those ways at that age clearly isn’t normal. asuka is desperate for attention in any way she can get it, even unhealthy and dangerous ways. rei is at the very least I has a weird pseudo-incestous enmeshment filled abusive relationship with her father, even if she's not actively being sexually abused. asuka is seeking support, rei is a grooming victim. these are not things that are flaws in their character the entire point of subverting the expectations is to show how those expectations are unhealthy to rei and asuka like. god.
#like. negative fucking media literacy.#like. rei and asuka show signs of abuse in ways very normal for teenagers#every one of the Children in Evangelion is a victim and they react in messy ways#the point of that isn’t to show that they themselves are bad. it’s to show how trauma fucks you up#like none of them are bad people! they do fucked up shit bc it’s normalised to them!#people will just centre rei and asuka’s trauma around shinji and then call the show misogynistic for that like.#woah pal. there’s issues in the show yeah but i think that’s more an issue on your end buckaroo.#like their trauma interacts with him. and his trauma interacts with them. bc the show is literally about human's influences on each other#like the human instrumentality project isn’t there to just be funny it’s a thematic conclusion???#and also like. it’s comparing and contrasting all threes trauma to understand exactly how they got shaped the way they are.#just. think about the show you’re watching. please.#rei isn’t creepy she’s a schizophrenic abuse victim who's probably done the least screwed up shit out of the main cast#shinji isn’t a loser he's a heavily mentally ill young boy cracking under the pressure of toxic masculinity and having his boundaries erode#until he's unable to even respect the boundaries of others and recreates his trauma for a desperate attempt at control#asuka isn’t like. okay i mean she IS a bitch but literally so is every thirteen year old ok.#and it’s bc she fucking despises the vulnerability being kind shows. she despises herself and is overcompensating bc she’s scared and 13#like. god.
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not sure whats special today but my cuts burn again (finally) they hurt again and they bleed again woah mama, am i gaining a will to live from this /j
#self h@rm#cvtt!ng#cvtblr#$h tumblr#$elf h4rm#$hblr#$h tw#$elf harm#mental illness#bpd vent#bpd thoughts#bpd problems#bpd#just kidding the bl/\de just isnt clean so its probably tell tale signs of my expiration soon :b#landmine#landmineblogging#landmineblr#landmine type#landmine girl#menhera#mentally fucked#jiraiblr#jiraiblogging#jirai kei#jirai girl#landmine kei
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I'm always hesitant to take the last item on the shelf at the grocery store because my brain is like "what if there's someone out there whose safe food is this item and they get an anxiety attack at the grocery store like I do whenever I go shopping and find they're out of my safe food?"
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<3
#i have not been making art because of my health & mental health :(( i just dont have any energy to be honest its kind of sad#ill probably be more active on @tadgh for a little while. i was having trouble signing into this account for a second there#anyways love and blessings#mwah
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Do you guys ever get that thing where. When you have a character you rp you get SO INTO their role that you get this little butterfly hurty feeling in your chest when they get hurt. Like its not attachment its genuine like. Empathy??? But... it's not. Cause they arent real. But you feel it.
I have "internal" versions of all of my characters
Sun is crying sm and now my eyes are watery
Help
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I desperately need a new hyperfixation this content drought has me so sad
#toka talks#like yeah. theyre league champs. its what i signed up for. but im still gonna bitch#no sett or phel legendary/prestige this year 🥹 sniff#and heartsteel uh. gone for years probably#i will find more fictional men to be mentally ill about i believe in me#like miguel and v1 and gabriel before them. i will find another.#dies
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Based on that reddit comment that states that malenia's speech becomes vry childish upon defeat like elementary/middle schooler aged speech (link to the post/comments here https://www.reddit.com/r/Eldenring/s/nhzLYX9Btt ) i do wonder if the massive trauma cocktail of parental neglect + rotting alive + having your limbs cut off at a very young age did somewhat affect her emotional maturity
#she is still a grownass woman who can make lucid decisions but i do wonder if like as a kid/teen#she wasnt rly hitting developmental milestones appropriatedly... like i can see her being#vry quiet + clingy and acting younger than she actually was. probably some sort i wont say agereg? but#dissociation caused by trauma#god. giving a certain character mental illnesses truly is the sign they became ur blorbo isnt it#anw i feel like this mostly went away as she got older and had to be shoved into situations away from her comfortdiscomfort zone (leyndell)#i say went away but its more like uh. masking? she started being more functional but would regress sometimes to that
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gods im so fucking sick of being bored and lonely. being stuck in my apartment all day. i want to go do stupid shit with friends. feel like i'm part of a community. trouble is i'm a god damn alien among most people. how do you even form a connection with someone who might as well be from a different planet??
#bpd#autism#depression#anxiety#this shit probably checks for all mentally ill bitches tbh#this is a sign you should send me a dm because im desperate#actually bpd#bpd stuff#bpd vent#mentally ill
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Do you think crabs dream? I’ve come to the conclusion that they do. Their dreams are a window to the future as seen through crystal and roiling waves, and they fortell one form that eclipses all others. The future is not the domain of man, or those whose forms we’ve twisted to our own ends. No, instead of the soft peal of chorale music, the energetic yips and yaps of dogs, or the soft churning rumble of cats, the future belongs to the sharp staccato of crab claws. You see, crabs dream, and they dream of domination.
#Crabs#ocean stuff#creative writing#ramblings#probably a sign of mental illness#I just think crabs are neat#carcinization
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i finally posted a draft of the song ive been working on to patreon. btw
#fallow buzzes#i think theres like. i think its the next three patrons of any tier iirc get a complimentary doodle upon joining?#two or three. probably three#i still havent finished rubie's which i feel bad about but at the same time my mental state is a bit fucked rn#so im just doing what i can where i can and where i remember to and i know i'll do everything eventually#as it stands i only post a couple times a month but if more people sign up then ill make it more frequent =]#i also recently lowered my prices#tag ramble#patreon
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the idea that narcissists can't be self aware is laughable. you think I don't know ME? ME? the most important person in the whole world? you think i don't think about myself all of the time?
#psychologists are losers i s2g#stop jacking off to other peoples misery#like oh I Am the one who is unable to think that i can do wrong? when your “17 signs you are not a narcissist” is just patting yourself on#the back for things that are normal people behavior?#a lot of this shit is contradictory too like. you KNOW you are just trying to feel better about yourself#and throw mentally ill people under the bus#lol which one of us? isn't self-aware?#for the record i'm not Sure if i have npd i just think i probably do#npd safe
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There is just this rage that comes with realizing your body is just completely fucked while still outwardly looking Fine.
And then garnering the judgement of family who have convinced themselves you’re not trying hard enough.
And still waiting for a finished diagnosis to try petitioning for life-long physical therapy, pain management (that are NOT opioids when you can’t take nsaids, and you’re deemed too young for steroid injections especially as it is never brought up as an option), and ssi disability. Because what else are you gonna do. Especially when you’ll always be a burden. Capitalistic life isn’t designed to allow you to rest so you can still do Something within your limitations and not get injured, anyway. Or have energy left for yourself.
(No one is really clever enough to help, either. Is it even worth the risk to try contacting rehabilitation services when you need to stay on medicaid for a eventually-debilitating auto immune disease that has to have very expensive injections twice a month, all the while it’s the hypermobility that makes even being a student or hobbies or chores so iffy?)
And then trying to befriend some people. But there’s this wall there. They radiate concern. Sometimes affection. But I don’t want pity. (I don’t know how to accept actual sympathy to my face by their vibes and tone and body language, anyway.) I just want secure friendships. I just want—for once in my adult life, or my life period if including neurodivergence’s and the resulting cptsd from not even remotely accepting environments—to not be my Problems. Someone else’s Problem.
I just want to be human. I want to have fun and feel capable and not blunderingly or intentionally reminded that I’m not.
(Am I even worth being someone not pitied? Not judged? Will I ever be fun?)
#tiger’s roar#mental health bullshit#chronically ill#my wellness class is. such bullshit.#BUT. there is SOME new information that’s not this Yuppy Preachy Judgemental Fuckery#like how weight bearing is how you build up bone density to fight boneloss later in life#and…I CAN’T. my tendons will literally slide on and off my joints or grind in my joints#even something as simple as bending and looking up ‘too much’#risks throwing my neck out and triggering migraines#and making my cartilage lower ribs pop and float around#(like. I can literally feel it. just sitting or walking. I always have. I assumed it was Just A Runner’s Cramp Or Something. it’s not)#if I breathe too deeply for a doctor’s office my guts squelch. and make my ribs ‘fold’ around#…I just. I just feel like the glass doll my parents always insisted I was by not letting me do anything#(while also ignoring the first signs of hypermobility. like my tendons sliding off my knuckes. my feet clicking. hips & shoulders grinding)#and i hate this#and if this family who I desperately want to connect with. who’s son I’m pretty sure I’m infatuated with#ACTUALLY care about me. don’t see me as a Concern Project#…just be my friend. don’t demand I open up. please just. get to know me.#because right now all y’all know is that I sing and write and paint + clearly mentally and chronically ill.#and probably try far too hard to be helpful and encouraging#but what I really want is for people to be playful with me. co conspirators with projects#(spend time with me Away from a church building. talk to me more than a minute once a week.)
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have a supernatural blorbo or kinny yet? any random characters you’ve been intrigued by that aren’t really explained or seen much in the yt destiel clips?
would LOVE to know more abt anna and charlie
#can't tell if it's a coincidence that they both compel me and they also both have the reddest hair imaginable#or if it's my monkey brain spotting a pattern and going 'Ding!'#spn#anon#signed sealed delivered#as far as blorbos i can imagine that if i was the sort of person to watch spn then i'd probably latch onto dean pretty hard#he's got that whole eldest daughter thing going. the whole mentally ill thing. that whole doesn't know how to ask for what he wants thing#we'd vibe#i'm not sure if cas' issues w/ loyalty and betrayal and desire and corruption from the faith would blorbify him to me or if would hit too#close to home for blorbification...#perhaps we shall have to see#should i watch spn fr? maybe we should hold a vote on it#is it still scary maybe it won't be as scary as it was when i was 15#also the way both dean and cas seem to have issues breaking out of the lives that were predestined for them... oof
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#the warning signs: *are there staring me in the face*#me: hahaha nah how adorable thats not real#bc thats just how to best deal with my kind of mental illness is it not#ignore it#but at what point is it like bad bad enough#not that it matter bc where would i turn to#so#yeah we smile at the demons and boop their noses and remain their best friends#we as in me#demons as in my ill brain and my bad coping mechanisms#probably#idek exactly#just whatever is there#i don't exist#most of the time#ignore me#delete later
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omg tumblr's 601 badge.... im literally in love...........
#is getting the 601 badge a sign of mental illness?#probably#who knows#601 badge#601 limit breaker#i love this badge#i love it so much#ahhhhh#ahhhhhhhh#601
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