#and if this family who I desperately want to connect with. who’s son I’m pretty sure I’m infatuated with

[void-tiger]

There is just this rage that comes with realizing your body is just completely fucked while still outwardly looking Fine.

And then garnering the judgement of family who have convinced themselves you’re not trying hard enough.

And still waiting for a finished diagnosis to try petitioning for life-long physical therapy, pain management (that are NOT opioids when you can’t take nsaids, and you’re deemed too young for steroid injections especially as it is never brought up as an option), and ssi disability. Because what else are you gonna do. Especially when you’ll always be a burden. Capitalistic life isn’t designed to allow you to rest so you can still do Something within your limitations and not get injured, anyway. Or have energy left for yourself.

(No one is really clever enough to help, either. Is it even worth the risk to try contacting rehabilitation services when you need to stay on medicaid for a eventually-debilitating auto immune disease that has to have very expensive injections twice a month, all the while it’s the hypermobility that makes even being a student or hobbies or chores so iffy?)

And then trying to befriend some people. But there’s this wall there. They radiate concern. Sometimes affection. But I don’t want pity. (I don’t know how to accept actual sympathy to my face by their vibes and tone and body language, anyway.) I just want secure friendships. I just want—for once in my adult life, or my life period if including neurodivergence’s and the resulting cptsd from not even remotely accepting environments—to not be my Problems. Someone else’s Problem.

I just want to be human. I want to have fun and feel capable and not blunderingly or intentionally reminded that I’m not.

(Am I even worth being someone not pitied? Not judged? Will I ever be fun?)

[zepskies]

Smoke Eater - Part 19

Pairing: Firefighter!Dean Winchester x F. Reader 

Summary: Dean Winchester is the cocky, but well-respected Lieutenant at Firehouse 25. He leads by example, but he’s also known to break a few hearts. He’s starting to crave something he’s never had, though. Something stable. Something real. 

That’s when he meets you, on a truly terrible day, trapped in a rickety old elevator.

🔥 Series Masterlist

AN: Deep breaths, my friends. We’re almost to the end. ❤️

Word Count: 5,800 Tags/Warnings: Violence, peril, blood and guns, character death…

Part 19: “Sacrifice”

“Hey, sweetheart,” he greeted…but you didn’t answer.

“You there?” he asked. There was a pit forming in his stomach when he glanced up at John. His father met his gaze with furrowed brows that betrayed concern.

The line was silent for one more painful moment. Dean opened his mouth to call out to you again, but a smooth voice interrupted.

“Dean, Dean, Dean,” a man replied. “Forgetting something?”

Dean’s heart began to pound. His mouth parted, but for a moment, the words wouldn’t escape.

“Who is this?” he said. His voice was a hint unsteady.

“I think you know, son,” the man replied.

Dean’s wide eyes flicked up to John’s, and the other man sprang into action. He shot a look and a whispered order at Cas, who went running for some IP tracking equipment back in the police car.

Meanwhile, John guided Dean to sit down on the couch. Sam followed them on his brother’s right, while John sat on Dean’s left.

Dean put the phone on speaker between the three of them.

“You’re Daniel Savage, huh?” Dean said. He tried to inject some more control into his tone, like he wasn’t freaking the fuck out. “Man, do I feel special.”

“Oh, don’t flatter yourself, Dean-o. I’m doing the same thing your dad’s doing. Hooking the bigger fish.”

Dean’s lips pursed. He glanced at his father, but his attention on the phone turned steely.

“What the hell do you want?” he asked. “Your lackey’s on lockdown. So’s your bastard son. If you want to help him, I’d suggest you turn your ass over to the cops.”

“Yes, Nick’s an idiot. But family, right?” said Daniel. He breathed out a sigh.

But then his voice was firm and calculating. It made Dean’s skin crawl.

“Cards on the table, son. Your daddy’s got something of mine. I’ve got something of yours.”

Dean’s face hardened, but John raised a placating hand; a warning to keep calm. Dean tried to take a breath.

His heart clenched at the mere thought of you being in the same room with that man. Having been taken and hauled to God knows where. He couldn’t imagine how scared you were. And if you were hurt…

Fuck. There was a roiling pit forming in his stomach, his head starting to pound in time with his heartbeat.

Already Cas was back with a laptop and program designed to track the caller’s phone. He connected a USB-like cord to Dean's phone and began fiddling with the settings, trying to get a read. Dean knew he had to keep this fucker talking.

“You have her with you?” he asked.

“Sure do. She’s a pretty little thing.”

Dean’s jaw clenched in a furious glare. “Don’t you fucking touch her, you son of a bitch.”

“Quid pro quo, Dean. What can you do for me?”

“What do you mean?” he asked, as desperation began to escape him. “There’s no way they’re letting Nick go before the trial. It’s out of my dad’s hands.”

“Your dad has no real evidence that my son is anything more than a successful businessman,” said Daniel. “If you really need someone to pin these unfortunate murders on, you had your man in custody…but, oh wait. You gave him immunity.”

Dean’s eyes were desperate when they met Sam’s worried ones, then their father’s. It didn’t matter that John and Cas did have evidence besides Alastair’s testimony. All Dean cared about was you.

He swallowed. “What do you want me to do?”

“Nothing. It’s what I want John to do.”

Dean took a moment to close his eyes, pull himself together. His hands squeezed his knees to brace himself. When he next opened his eyes, he let out a sharp breath.

“What do you want then? Aside from Nick somehow breaking loose,” he asked.

“I want your dad to back the fuck off, once and for all,” Daniel said. His voice was more edged, with both warning and a hint of frustration. “Or I’ll make his son live the same pathetic existence he does.”

Dean’s next breath came out harsher, as both John and Sam sharpened at the threat.

“That’s right, Dean. These are my terms of engagement, else I’m gonna have a bonfire with your girl here.” 

It all gripped Dean at once.

Panic, anger, and desperation.

He grabbed the phone and spoke harshly into the speaker.

“Put her on the damn line," he said. "I wanna hear her and know this isn’t a trick.”

Daniel sighed, like he was getting bored. “Oh, all right.”

There was some shuffling, the sound of Daniel’s steps echoing in what sounded like a large room. Dean’s brows furrowed as he heard sounds of your struggle, then your labored breaths, as if a gag had been removed from your mouth.

“It’s okay, sweetheart. Go ahead and talk to him,” said Daniel.

Soon enough, your tremulous voice reached him.

“Dean?” you said. You sounded like you were fighting tears; maybe even losing. Dean’s heart broke all the more for it.

“Yeah, it’s me. Are you okay?” he asked.

“Yeah…yeah, I’m okay,” you said, though your voice shook. He hoped you weren’t lying for his sake.

“I’m so sorry, sweetheart.” He raised a fist to his mouth, ignoring how it shook. “You’re gonna be okay. I’m going to find you—”

All too soon, the phone was taken away from you.

“Rule number one of negotiations, kid. Don’t make promises you can’t keep.”

Dean’s eyes widened. The next thing he heard was a hard slap. It echoed into the speaker, along with your shout of both surprise and pain, a chair toppling over.

“You fucking bastard!” Dean seethed. “When I find you—”

John interrupted this time, taking the cell phone from Dean. He shot his son a look that was meant to be reassuring, but Dean was too incensed. Sam gripped his shoulder and earned his brother’s gaze. Dean’s chest heaved with the effort of calming his breathing.

“What do you want?” John said into the phone. His voice was clipped and direct.

While he continued to speak, Cas was frowning in frustration over his laptop.

“Anything?” Sam asked.

“I can’t get a lock on his signal. He must have something throwing off the scanner,” Cas replied.

Dean growled in frustration and pushed off the couch. He began to pace the living room, all while he tried to keep an ear on what John was saying lowly into the phone.

By the time he hung up, Dean was raging.

“Fuck this, I’m gonna find her,” he said. John tried to stop him from going anywhere with a hand on his shoulder. Dean knocked him off angrily. Sam also stood, for once on the same page as his father, no matter how much he sympathized.

“Dean, you need to calm down,” John tried.

It was the wrong thing to say.

“I didn’t ask for this!” Dean shouted. The force of it echoed on the apartment walls. “Matter of fact, I’ve never asked you for a damn thing until now. Only that you’d keep me in the loop on Azazel, and keep her out of this. But you couldn’t even do that, could you?”

Sam was at a loss, looking between his father and brother. Cas was also caught in between, watching the scene with concern, and bated breath.

John’s broad shoulders sunk a bit, along with the deep breath he expelled.

“You’re right,” John said. "You're right, son. And I'm sorry."

His eyes held the weight of his words. Of sincerity. And by degrees, Dean’s anger lessened.

Again, not by much.

“Let’s fix it,” said John. “Once and for all.”

Dean wasn’t fully recovered from his TBI. He’d been cleared for driving, but not yet for full physical exercise, let alone going back to work. The stress of all this was giving him a powerful headache, but there was no way he was going to be sidelined now, on any part of it.

Sam was forced to withdraw the case against Nick Savage, citing lack of evidence to support a trial at this time. The judge gave Sam permission to refile when he was able to build a better case.

John was then tasked with escorting Nick out of prison. Cas, meanwhile, was sitting in his personal car outside the county jail with Dean in the passenger seat. Cas didn’t trust what his friend would do behind the wheel once he saw Nick.

“What happens after Nick gets out?” Dean asked. “Dad’s been cagey about the whole deal.”

“We’re escorting him to the airport,” Cas said. “There we’ll wait for Daniel and make the exchange.”

Nick, for you. That was the deal.

“And then?” Dean asked, his teeth already clenching.

Cas blew out a sigh. “We’ll have a unit waiting on standby. We’re going to try and get ahold of whoever has her, though I doubt Daniel will come himself.”

“What if you can’t catch him?” Dean pressed.

Cas didn’t want to have to tell his friend something he didn’t want to hear, but he didn’t make a habit of lying to Dean. He wasn’t about to start now.

“Then it’s over, for now,” he replied. “We each go back to our corners and regroup.”

“Dad’ll never stop hunting this guy,” Dean said.

“That may be,” Cas nodded. “But he does have a line.”  

“My father’s an obsessed bastard,” Dean groused. “He doesn’t have a damn line.”

Cas looked over at him then. He was calm and sympathetic, and yet, still disagreeing in his silence. Dean knew he was probably wrong, but in the moment, he didn’t care. He was still angry.

He perked up, however, when the prison doors slid open. Out came John escorting Nick and his lawyer, Amelia. Nick looked as smug as ever now that his cuffs were off. He was given the clothes he was arrested in—a blue silk shirt, pants, Italian leather shoes, and a silver Rolex watch.

Screw this, Dean thought. He unlocked the car from his side and climbed out. He didn’t care that he could hear Cas mutter a curse behind him and follow suit.

Nick saw Dean coming and couldn’t help but smirk, even as John grasped his arm and led him to his police car.

“Hey, fireman,” Nick taunted with his waggling brows. “Where’s our girl?”

Dean’s lips edged at a dangerous smile. Cas came up just behind him, ready to restrain him if need be.

“You can finesse your way out of this, but remember our little chat,” Dean said. His eyes burned with a thinly veiled threat. “Not a dime in this world can protect you from me.”

Nick pretended to shiver.

“Ooh, I’m so fucking scared,” he snarked. He resisted John’s manhandling and ripped his arm out of the other man’s grasp to step further into the open, leaving just a few yards between him and Dean.

“You can’t touch me,” Nick taunted. “You won’t dare. Not unless you want—”

Three shots rang out in the open clearing.

All heads ducked, but Dean’s eyes widened. He watched Nick crumple to the ground as scarlet red plumed in the man’s silk shirt. The shock etched on his face drained along with his life, leaving blue eyes staring up at a clear sky.

Forensics at the scene found traces of a sniper on the rooftop of a building directly across from the county jail.

John and Cas already were mounting an entire unit search in locating Alastair Rolston, but he had apparently moved out of his apartment as soon as he was released from prison with his immunity deal. (The police officers escorting him into witness protection had been found dead at the scene of his designated safe house.)

The detectives were later called into the medical examiner’s office on the case of Nick Savage—not to examine the body, but the bullets that had carved into his heart, right lung, and throat.

One of the bullets had a special casing. Inside was a rolled-up note, not unlike a carrier pigeon. It had a simple message:

JOHN — STULL STORAGE. COME ALONE.

Once again, Dean refused to sit idly. He’d pushed back hard enough that John had eventually relented. This time, however, Sam stepped in to make sure his brother was reigned in. Dean’s knee was already bouncing with anticipation and nervousness.

It was nearly midnight on a Tuesday. The brothers sat in the surveillance van with Jody Mills, all wearing protective Kevlar vests as precaution. The van was removed from the immediate site of Stull Storage, which was made up of a main warehouse and several rows of storage units on the other side. 

Cas was leading another police unit on standby, but John was going into the warehouse. He wore his usual leather jacket over his rumpled shirt, pants, and boots, but also a protective vest and hidden wire under his collar.

Sam, Dean, and Jody were able to listen in as John entered alone.

He had a flashlight positioned over his raised gun as he walked into the building. He found some light switches along the wall and was able to turn on half the room’s fluorescent ceiling lights.

He heard a whimper.

Moving towards the sound cautiously, John soon found you tied to a chair. You looked a bit worse for wear; though you were dressed for an interview in black slacks and a blouse, your hair was in disarray, your cheek still sported a fading red mark, and you likely had other bumps and bruises.

Your eyes widened with hope when you saw John. You made sounds of surprise around the gag tied in your mouth, but he shushed you with a finger held to his lips.

He went over to you after lowering his gun, cocking back the safety, and re-holstering. He went to untie the gag first. You breathed deeply when it was gone.

“You okay?” he asked, touching your arm in comfort.

“Yeah,” you nodded, but your widening eyes still darted behind him.

Another safety clicked back. John immediately drew his gun again and turned. He was met with the man of the hour.

Standing mere feet away with his own gun was Daniel Savage. AKA: Azazel.

“Ooh, you’re getting old, John,” he said with a smirk. “Wasn’t expecting to get the drop on you so easily.”

John subtly moved so he was standing in front of you. He hadn't had time to untie you from the chair. Your breathing came out shallow as you tried to spy around John to your captor.

“Daniel,” John greeted. “It’s about time, wouldn’t you say?”

“You cheated though,” said Daniel, despite his cocky smirk. Like father like son. “I know you’ve got a team waiting in the wings.”

“If you wanna get technical, you cheated first,” John pointed out.

Daniel shrugged. Behind him came around ten of his own hired men, armed with their own guns. “Hate the player, hate the game, my friend.”

John’s lips pursed, but he didn’t lower his gun. He had a straight shot at Daniel’s chest.

“Even if you do get off a shot, you’ll be Swiss cheese where you stand,” Daniel said. 

“Small price to pay for ending your miserable fucking life,” John remarked.

Daniel’s brows rose. “Are you gonna make her pay for it too?”

He gestured behind John, where he glanced back at your face. Your red-rimmed eyes were shining with tears. And John knew that once his gun fired, his body would hit the ground. Yours wouldn’t be far behind.

His brows furrowed, and the hands holding his weapon wavered.

“So how you do think this is gonna play out?” John asked.

“Well, for starters, you’re going to drop that damn gun,” said Daniel. He cocked his own weapon. “Then, you’re going to get down on your knees and take this bullet, like putting down a rabid dog. Then maybe, I’ll let her go before the cops rush in.”

John’s hesitation was mere seconds. He clicked the safety back on. He set down his gun, and lowered to his knees in slow movements.

Your eyes widened further as incredulous tears slipped down your cheeks. You shook your head.

“Don’t!” you said shakily. 

John didn’t look back at you this time, but he did answer you.

“It’s all right, sweetheart,” he said.

Daniel’s grim smile made you shiver.

“What a caring father-in-law,” he said, and he slowly stalked forward. “You know, I prided myself on delegating my operations well. Oh, it was a well-oiled machine back in the day. But some things…well, some things are just better handled yourself. Know what I mean?”

He tilted his head down at John.

“For example: I really regret the way I had your wife killed,” he said. “For all the trouble you’ve given me, I wish I’d actually burned the bitch myself.”

John glared up at the man with pure fury and hatred.

Though his eyes widened when the first shot split the air, and buried a bullet in Daniel’s left arm. Daniel shouted in pain as he unconsciously dropped his gun. John dove for it, and everything started to happen at once.

Daniel kicked at John’s chest while holding his wounded arm, tossing the other man back. John rolled onto his feet, and their full out brawl began. Meanwhile, a unit of police officers swarmed into the warehouse and sparked a shootout with Daniel’s men.

And in all of this, Cas came out from behind your line of vision to untie you. He wore a protective vest over his usual white dress shirt, now rolled up to the elbows.

“Cas!” you gasped. He gave you a smile, then used a pocketknife to cut through the zip ties holding your wrists behind you and your ankles to the chair.

“Come on, let’s go.” He helped you up and guided you out the back of the warehouse.

The last coherent sound Sam and Dean heard was a bullet fired and hitting its target. They couldn’t tell if it was John or Daniel that had been hit, or even you.

Above all things, Dean was a man of action.

He just couldn’t take it anymore.

“Fuck this,” he growled. He got to his feet and went for the door of the surveillance van, but while Jody voiced her protest, it was Sam who reached him first.

“Dean, stop! You can’t go out there!” Sam said.

“The hell I can’t,” Dean said. The punch he reared back and threw was precise when it cracked Sam in the cheek. He went down hard. It was all Jody could do to keep him from knocking his head on the metal floor, but Sam was out cold, with his hair flopped over his face.

"Dean!" Jody yelled after him. She stared after the open door of the van with wide, worried eyes.

There were rows upon rows of storage units behind the warehouse. It felt like a maze in itself, one that you and Cas were forced to navigate alone in the crisp January night. Both of you saw your breath on the air as you tried to move quickly, but quietly.

Until a long arm reached out on the other side of a unit, and a hand closed on Cas’s gun, pushing it down and ripping it out of his hands. An elbow cracked into his face, making him grunt and stumble.

Your scream of surprise echoed in the night. You stared up into the familiar face of Alastair, whose mouth formed a sly grin.

“Hey there, beautiful,” he said.

Cas distracted him with a blow that Alastair blocked, but it gave Cas room to break the taller man’s stance and knock his head against the unit wall—once, twice, until the man stumbled and fell. He wasn’t knocked out, but Cas didn’t wait for Alastair to recover. He grabbed you and forced you to run.

“I thought he was in protective custody for the trial,” you said, through huffing breaths.

“Evidently he escaped,” Cas replied.

“God, Cas. You really need to hand out some pink slips,” you said, with a tremor in your voice. The police were supposed to have been watching you as well, before you were kidnapped. Cas conceded your point.

“We really shouldn’t have given him immunity,” he grumbled.

Dean knew he was being some kind of idiot.

Knew it as he carefully approached a side door of the warehouse. His vest wouldn’t protect his whole body if he entered the no man’s land shootout he could hear happening on the other side of the door.

Already he could see policemen escorting some of Azazel’s captured team around the front exit. Dean kept to the shadows, and he cracked the side door open.

There was still plenty going on inside. A few bodies were already strewn across the dusty warehouse floor. Large crates stacked up to the ceiling offered meager protection for both sides of the siege, including Dean as he kept to the wall and slid his way inside and behind a formation of wooden crates. He scanned the room until he found his dad.

John was fighting hand-to-hand with who had to be Daniel Savage. Even though the latter had blood dripping from his arm, John had his share of bruises and scrapes, including a long cut across his cheek from the knife clenched in Daniel’s non-injured right hand.

What the hell do I do? Dean assessed the situation, his eyes darting quickly between the men. He came in here without a weapon (another smart move). He went through most of the training a million years ago, but Dean wasn’t a police officer. He was a firefighter.

However, when he spotted a forgotten Glock on the floor, just a few yards away where the men were still tousling, Dean inched his way closer. He’d have to leave the relative safety of the crates and throw himself out into the open to reach the gun. At this point, Daniel was closer.

And he’d noticed the gun too, at the same time that John glanced up and saw his son. His eyes widened, and just for a moment he lost his grip on Daniel. The other man went for the gun at the same time Dean dove.

John yanked Daniel back by his collar and kneed him in the stomach. But Daniel had the longer reach. He cracked an elbow into John’s face and followed by a swift punch to the gut. John grunted and doubled over at the impact to his already battered ribs and stomach.

Daniel threw him head-first into a pile of nearby crates. He was breathing hard, but his lips twitched in satisfaction at the way John fell into a heap of broken wood. The detective was clearly waning.

Daniel stalked forward. Ignoring his still bleeding shoulder, he grabbed John by the jacket and collar of his shirt and hefted him up to his feet, prepared to deliver another blow. The cocking of a nearby gun made him pause. But in a moment, he twisted John in front him with an arm wrapped around his neck to face his next attacker.

While Daniel had been distracted, Dean had managed to dive and roll across the concrete, scooping up the gun on his way back onto his feet. Now he’d had the time to take aim and wait for his moment, which was right fucking now.

Slowly, Daniel tilted his head to look past John’s shoulder. He was met with Dean’s smirk and a gun pointed directly at his head.

“I think I’ve got something of yours,” Dean remarked. His fingers slid over the trigger.

Daniel tilted his head. A dry smile edged at the corner of his lips. “All right, Dean. Well played. But…”

He tightened his arm around John’s throat and held the knife poised at his neck.

“We’re at what you’d call an impasse, don’t you think?” Daniel asked.

“Dean,” John said. He met his eldest’s gaze as uncertainly crept into Dean’s stance. His hand was still held aloft, but there was an almost imperceptible shake.

“Just shoot him,” said John, with full conviction. “Don’t worry about me.”

Dean’s mouth pressed into a line, his brows furrowing. He wasn’t doing that.

“See, I don’t think he’s got it in ‘im,” Daniel said, speaking lowly in John’s ear. His knife tightened against John’s neck. “You’re out of your fucking depth, Dean.”

Dean flinched as a bullet zoomed past his head from across the room. He was reminded that there was still a fight going on, and the three of them were very much out in the open. John’s face turned more urgent, with thinly veiled worry.

“Dean, either shoot him or get the hell out of here,” he said tersely.

“I’m not leaving,” Dean said, with a small, stubborn shake of his head. But he was nervous. Despite how close he’d come with Nick Savage, Dean had never shot at someone, let alone taken a life. The gun was heavy in his hand.

“Running out of time, son,” Daniel taunted.

“I’m not your fucking son,” Dean gritted out. “Speaking of, did you have Alastair do your dirty work, taking out Nick, or did you pull that trigger yourself?”

Daniel’s smirk faded, his gaze tightening with resignation.

“Sacrifices, Dean,” he said. “We make ‘em to survive. To make sure our legacies survive.”

Dean’s eyes widened as he looked at this man, and he finally understood what his dad had been trying to tell him.

He ain’t a man. He’s a monster.

The gun was heavy in his hand…

“Come on, Dean!” Daniel shouted. “Make a decision—”

Dean still remembered most things he’d learned at the Police Academy. He’d lived, ate, sweat, and breathed those drills and tests for months. And yet, there was only one score he’d truly been proud of. It was the one record of his dad’s that he’d managed to beat.

You could guess which one.

Dean let his fingers squeeze the trigger on some instinct he couldn’t name. Daniel was forced to choke on his words.

Cas pulled you around the corner of a storage unit that blocked the light of the moon. It was just in time for a bullet to rip past where his head used to be.

You leaned heavily against the wall and heaved for breath, but Cas held a finger to his lips while he tried to calm his own breathing.

You held a hand over your mouth to try and stifle the sounds from getting out. Your eyes were wide and panicked, but Cas could only reassure you with a brief hand on your shoulder. He nodded and signaled with his free hand. Wait.

You gave a jerky nod in return. So he reached for his belt and brandished the only weapon he had left—the knife he’d used to cut through your bonds. The air was quiet, except for the distant shouts of police officers; it sounded like Azazel’s men were finally being rounded up.

Cas had called for backup earlier, but he didn’t think they could wait for it. Nor would he know if they were coming. He’d long since turned off the radio on his belt so that it couldn’t tip off his position with you.

He chanced looking around the wall of the storage unit. The coast looked clear, though he knew it wasn’t. Still, the best Cas could hope for was to cover you on the way back to the police barricade. He leaned back and reached for you. He guided you, both with his eyes and a hand on your back.

On the count of three, run, he mouthed. You wordlessly agreed. He saw the fear shining in your eyes.

One…two…

An arm shot out to grab Castiel’s collar the moment he stepped out from his cover, making you scream. The first punch came swift; Alastair was taller, perhaps stronger, but Cas recovered quickly.

He ducked the other man’s arm and delivered an uppercut that had his adversary careening back. With a well-placed jab to the wrist, Alastair’s gun clattered away across the ground.

Cas managed to shoot you a quick look. “Run. Now!”

You paused for a mere moment while Cas continued to grapple with Alastair. Then, in your frozen fear, you finally managed flight. And you took off running, even though Alastair tried to grab at your hair. Cas held him back and continued the fight.

You’d only managed a few yards of distance though, before you couldn’t help but look back. Something in you just couldn’t leave Cas behind.

You took cover behind another storage unit and watched Alastair slowly get the upper hand. He managed to pin Cas against the ribbed metal wall of a unit. He winced as it dug into his spine, but he had bigger problems.

He spat blood after the third blow to his jaw and tried to blink dark spots of his vision. Alastair looked down on him with the lean look of a predator. His smile betrayed the enjoyment he took in his work.

“Contrary to what you might think, I’ve never killed a cop before,” he said. “Just a cop’s wife.”

Cas’s eyes widened a fraction. Alastair’s smile deepened. He raised a bloody fist to finish his work, but he winced and weakened with a shout as a knife embedded deep in his thigh.

It was Cas’s knife that you’d found on the ground.

Alastair’s angry eyes looked down and met your scared ones. You let go of the knife and scrambled back. He backhanded you roughly. You cried out and fell hard on the pavement.

Alastair reached for the knife, but Cas grabbed it first. He twisted as he yanked it out, then jabbed it into the taller man’s neck. It choked his scream as he stumbled back. And yet, even that didn’t manage to kill him.

Cas dove for the fallen gun. It was mere feet away from where he’d forced it out of Alastair’s grip. Cas felt a hand grab his shoulder. He reacted fast—he turned and shot two rounds of hot led into Alastair’s gut.

His gray eyes went wide. Blood gurgled in his mouth.

And slowly, Alastair slid to the ground.

Cas was bloody, his shirt stained and torn, but he was still standing with ragged breath. You had managed to sit up, though your shocked eyes were trained on the body you’d just seen fall into a heap. The horrific spell of it broke when Cas gently touched your shoulder.

You gasped and raised your head.

“It’s okay,” he said, reaching a hand to you. “It’s over.”

Cas escorted you back to the police barricade. There you found Sam, and the mere sight of him relieved you so much you didn’t realize you were crying when you stepped into his embrace. He hugged you tight and asked if you were all right.

You couldn’t give him an honest answer, but at least you were alive.

“I’m okay,” you said tremulously, but you pulled back at grasped his arms. “Where’s Dean?”

Sam looked anxious as his gaze flit between you and Cas.

“That goddamn idiot, he went in there! They won’t let me through—”

“What?” Cas said incredulously. “Into the warehouse?”

Your tears fell anew as a new frantic worry took hold, churning in your stomach and making you feel sick. You turned, and both Cas and Sam had to stop you from heading towards the warehouse.

“Get him out of there!” you cried. “Dean!”

You tried to push past Cas and his attempts to calm you, but you stopped the moment you saw him…

Dean was helping John limp out of the warehouse. Jody was on John’s other side, supporting him as well. John looked beat to hell, and exhausted, but there was no mistaking the calm look on his face. Like he’d finally sleep tonight.

Dean, on the other hand, looked pale, haggard, and worried. However, his head perked up as soon as he heard your voice. His eyes widened. He turned to Jody to make sure she could support John on her own, and she nodded at him.

It let Dean make his way straight for you.

Sam and Cas finally released you, like a horse waiting to bolt out of the stables. Your tears blurred your vision as you went to him.

When Dean swept you up into his arms, you were able to throw yours around his neck and cling to him for all you were worth. You buried your face into his neck and sobbed your relief.

You wouldn’t know that Dean’s eyes were shining and red, his mouth trembling slightly as he sucked in a breath and held you as tight as he dared. His hand came up to cup the back of your head, over your wild hair. His lips pressed to the side of your head as he closed his eyes for a moment.

“You okay?” he asked, when he was able to speak.

“Mhmm,” you nodded, though his question prompted you to pull back and find his face. Your heels came back to the ground, and you reached up to stroke his cheek and search his gaze.

“What about you?” you asked tremulously. “Your head?”

“’M fine,” he said. Though the truth was, he was reeling. His ears still rung from the bullet that hit Daniel between the eyes.

The weight of that decision was almost too fresh to be real, but it was heavy on Dean all the same. He could even get in legal trouble for this. He wasn’t supposed to have entered that building. Hell, he’d picked up a gun and shot a man.

Though he already knew what Sam would say.

Justification. Imminent danger. Self-defense.

Dean just didn’t know if that would fly here, especially with the Fire Department.

Right now, however, you were his lifeline. You grounded him in reality when you held his face in your hands. Just beyond you, he could see the relief on both Sam and Cas’s faces.

Dean gave them a smile, but he focused back on you. He held your hand to his cheek.

“Promise me you’re gonna stay put for a while,” he quipped. “Preferably where I can see you.”

You scoffed at him through the tears glittering in your eyes.

“Dean Winchester, if that isn’t the most hypocritical thing that’s ever come out of your mouth!” you said, punctuating your words with a slap on his chest.

“Hey!” he protested, but you ignored him. You gripped his shirt and felt the Kevlar underneath. It might’ve protected his chest, but he hadn’t had anything to protect his damn head.

“You run into fires, not bullets, you idiot,” you said, now wiping frustrated tears from your cheek.

Dean’s tension began to ease with a smile. He held you more securely, pulling you flush against him.

“You sound like Bobby,” he teased.

“Good!” you snapped. “You’re not allowed to scare me like that. Do you hear m—?”

He didn’t think he’d ever miss you giving him shit, but this time, it just made him smile until the corners of his eyes crinkled. Shortly before he cut you off with a searing kiss.

You made a sound of surprise, even as you gripped at his shirt, then his face to keep him there. You both knew this night was long from being over. An even longer way from recovering.

But for now, this was a good start.

AN: And so, we're drawing near to the end. 🥹 What did you think of the respective ends of Nick and Daniel Savage, and even Alastair? And of course, her and Dean's reunion. 💗

Soon (this weekend), we have the epilogue...

Next Time:

“So…I’ve gotta tell you something,” said Dean, after he parted from your lips for a moment, and allowed you to breathe. His tone made you tilt your head in suspicion.

“It’s nothing bad,” he said, though he looked a bit nervous.

Your brows furrowed. You led him to the couch, where he took your hands in his. It took him a moment to get started. He seemed stuck on what he wanted to say, or maybe just how he wanted to say it.

“Whatever it is, I’m sure I can handle it,” you teased.

Dean gave you a smile. His shoulders relaxed a little...

Keep Reading: THE EPILOGUE

Dean Winchester Masterlist

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[starogeorgina]

Heart of glass

Warning: Smut, swearing

Pairing: Helaena Targaryen × Targaryen OC

1.02

You take in the sea air while watching as your dragon, the cannibal, devours a few sheep nearby. Your dragon only briefly stops eating to raise its head and hiss as someone walks up behind you. Cannibal observes for a few moments, making sure you are safe, before returning his attention back to his prayer.

“Your dragon must be the most terrifying in the world,” Jacaerys says, sitting down beside you on the damp grass outside.

“The she-dragon bonded with your uncle is still alive from Aegon’s conquest, and my father's is pretty war-hardened.”

“I’d much rather face Vhagar and Caraxes than the cannibal.”

“I hear dragons grow while staying in Dragonstone; perhaps he will become bigger,” you grin.

Jacaerys stares at you blankly for a moment before laughing. He makes polite small talk with you, but you knew he had an alternative motive for coming out and joining you in the murky weather. Eventually, you grow tired of waiting for him to say whatever is on his mind. You place your hand atop his and ask, “Jace, what is it you want to ask me?”

He looks down at the grass and says, “I’ve noticed you haven’t spent much time with the ladies, Baela and Rhaena.”

Snarkily, you ask, “Did my father or your mother send you out here?”

“Neither. I’m bringing it up because you don’t seem happy.”

You desperately wanted to get to know your sisters but always felt like an outsider from the moment your father remarried shortly after your mother's death, so you returned to Runestone. When Lady Laena died, you thought it would be the perfect opportunity to reunite with your family, but on the same day as his late wife’s funeral, you saw your father and Rhaenyra redressing on the beach. Even though you were a child, you knew what had just transpired between them. Solidify your opinion of them. Any visits since that day have been political and fleeting.

You were only two years older than Jace, but much more free-natured than him. He always found it shocking that you just did whatever you wanted without consulting Daemon, whereas he did nothing without his mother's approval, something that you actually respected him for. He took his duties as son of the heir very seriously.

You rest your head on his shoulder. “You’re more my brother than they are my sisters.”

Jace wraps his arm around your shoulder. He was the only one who truly knew how hurt you were on the inside. Jacaerys was the sibling and friend you needed; he understood you like nobody else. You had stayed in touch over the years, sending each other ravens and gifts; he was your only connection to your family on Dragonstone. He was the only one who informed you of important things, such as Rhaenyra being with a child again or that your sisters were to marry the eldest Velaryon boys.

“You should dine with us tonight,” Jace says softly. “I know Luke and Joff would enjoy your company.”

He had a point: in the two weeks you’d be on the island, you hadn’t once dined with them. You look up at the sky and smile, seeing that the sun is about to disappear. “Perhaps in the morning, I have somewhere to be right now.”

You slap Jace on the thigh playfully before getting to your feet and walking towards your dragon.

“Where do you go every night?” He calls out.

You doubted the young prince would approve of your secret friends with a benefit arrangement with his auntie. Laughing, you say, “I could tell you, but then I’d need to feed you to my dragon afterwards.”

“I look forward to seeing you while we break fast in the morning.” Jace shakes his head, but the corner of his lips still pulls into a smile despite him pretending to disapprove of your actions.

—

You grin hearing Helaena moan as you greedily suck her clit into your mouth; her back arches as you do. She looked so beautiful as she approached her second orgasm of the night, and your only goal was to make sure she reached her peak many more times before the sun rose again.

Helaena made the sweetest noises as she rutted against your face. She cums hard, her legs shivering around your head as she rides out her orgasm. Pulling back, you admire the slick glistening down her folds and swipe your finger along it, then teasing her clit with your thumb.

Helaena giggles, “Come here, sweetling.”

“That sounds like an order from my princess,” you say, kissing up her leg.

“Mayhaps.”

When you reach her collarbone, the pretty princess tilts your head up and captures your lips with her own soft ones. She smiles into the kiss. “I have an idea, something I’d like to try... if that’s okay?”

A smirk plays on your lip. “Anything you want, dārilaros, I shall do.”

Her pale cheeks redden. “I saw it in a brothel once—two women pleasuring each other at the same time.”

“Anything you want,” you say, kissing the tips of her fingers.

Helaena pecks you on the lips before gently pushing you until you are lying on your back. She moved up the bed until her knees rested on either side of your head. She lowered herself until her cunt was right above your mouth. You take the opportunity and dive your tongue into her. Helaena was the sweetest thing you’d ever tasted. She lets out a soft moan before leaning down, so press a soft kiss to your clit before swiping her tongue through your folds.

You groan loudly when she adds a finger, “fuck!”

You two stay in that position, licking, sucking, and fingering each other's tight holes until you both cum.

The rest of the night you and Helaena spent tangled in the sheets of the tavern together, like you had every night for the last two weeks. You didn’t always have sex; some nights you just talked or, in the dead of night, would go dragon riding together. Seeing daylight starting to creep through the window, you knew it was time to go.

“Sorry, princess, but I believe our time is up.” You give her one last passionate kiss before standing to get dressed.

While you dressed in the clothes you wore over, including a dark black cloak to hide your face, you noticed Helaena holding a book. She looked slightly nervous before handing it to you. “I was in the library searching for a book to read to Jaehaerys and Jaehaera and found this; I thought you might like it.”

You feel slightly stunned as she places it in your hand.

“It’s a book on wild dragons,” she says, standing to redress. “He was the largest and oldest of the three wild dragons dwelling on Dragonstone; the Cannibal was black as coal, with menacing green eyes.”

“Does it actually say that about my dragon?” You ask while flipping the book open to see for yourself.

“Yes, the book is mainly about the cannibal, Sheepstealer, and Grey Ghost.”

“This is... thank you, it's a wonderful gift.”

A warm sensation you weren’t familiar with filled your belly—a fuzzy, warm feeling. It meant a lot to you that the princess not only remembered the part about your own dragon but also the fact she saw it and thought of you—it suddenly occurred to you that you may be starting to develop feelings beyond just a friendship with Helaena.

—

All eyes are on you as you sit down beside Jacaerys to break fast. Chatter resumes once again until your father loudly and sarcastically says, “How kind of you to finally join us, daughter.”

Amused by his reaction, you reach for an apple that was on the table, smiling, before taking a bite out of it. Rhaenyra lets out a deep sigh and calmly says, “Everyone out.”

When you go to stand, your father says, “Not you, Vissera.”

Rolling your eyes, you sit back down and take another bite from the apple in your hand. Jace pats you on the shoulder on his way out, then gives you a look that silently says ‘drop the attitude’ which causes you to chuckle. You tried to list off what your father could possibly discuss with you in private: Why are you wearing the same clothes as last night? Why aren’t you spending more time with your sisters? Why are you avoiding me? Why do you hate my wife so much?

You notice Rhaenyra biting at her nails nervously. You wondered briefly if she found it as painful to be around you as you did. You break the silence and say, “I hear congratulations are in order.”

They share a look, and your father rubs at his forehead. “I would have told you sooner if you had actually spoken to me and to us.”

You shrug. “What difference does it make? You don’t seem to care when I’m not here.”

“That’s because you make it impossible. You refuse all invitations, ignore my ravens, and last time I tried to visit you, your dragon almost ate me.”

“He’s protective of me.”

“I’m your father,” your father snaps, slamming his hands against the table.

The atmosphere suddenly becomes a lot more tense; even Rhaenyra seems taken aback by her husband's outburst. She steps back as her hand rests on her invisible bump protectively. You hadn’t meant to rile your father up so much that he scared her.

Quietly, you say, “You’re a stranger to me.”

Rhaenyra gives you a sympathetic look as she hands you the scroll. “Yesterday, a raven arrived for Daemon from the keep. Queen Alicent would like to betroth a marriage between you and her son, Prince Aemond.”

Dārilaros - Princess

[westerberg]

I so desperately just want to get over everything and finally move on with my fucking life but 😭 why do all of the people who claim to love/care about me treat me like shit and why would I always just accept it. Like objectively I can understand what issues are driving these dynamics but like growing up with a narcissistic (he was diagnosed 😬) dad and a sister with some similar traits and losing my mom so young like… my brain chemistry is just messed up and like after being in an environment where people who were claiming to love and care for me while ignoring all but my most basic needs there is like an irrational part of my brain that kind of thinks I deserve being treated like shit and have my feelings and needs ignored & it’s like so hard to shake that line of thinking…. And like I have friends I can kind of talk to but they don’t really understand any of this and idk who to ask 😭 and I’m skeptical of how much I could get out of a therapist bc I react poorly when people try and tell me how I feel and I have a tricky relationship with authority in general. Like not that I’m constantly getting into trouble or breaking the law but I don’t trust authority for sure and I would be super uncomfortable talking to that kind of figure about the worst experiences of my life.

& it’s a especially a weird mindfuck bc i think with my sister and maybe some of the work people their shitty treatment of me comes from a place of jealousy but like 😭 just because I have a crazy waist to hip ratio and a sort of charismatic personality doesn’t mean my life is perfect like come on grow the fuck up. Not to mention it’s a no win situation bc when I was super fat people clearly would think I was like a species slightly less than human and I’d get treated weird based on that. Like especially from my sister her barely hidden jealousy over LOOKS of all things really disgusts me for whatever reason. And she’s said things like “well maybe men are attracted to you, but I have friends!” Like whattttt 😭 awww thanks big sis ❤️ yes you may have only had one short term casual relationship in your 28 years but you DO have casual work friendships that I don’t really have so I guess really you’re pretty cool when you think about it 😛 and she once tried to tell me there wasn’t any “concrete evidence” that people were as into me as I thought which made me feel just as awesomely silenced as I did in the whole work situation 😃

And this is a tangent but like it’s crazy to me how I was parentless at age 20 and no extended family made any real effort to connect or help me or my sister like I don’t understand losing your son and just being like awww 😕 and then you like try and see his kids twice instead of once a year and buy him a memorial bench like. Maybe your grandchildren could use a little more emotional support and guidance in their lives… but they’re incapable of that but that’s a different conversation. Anyway I guess I’m disappointed in nearly everyone I’ve ever known like we could do so much as a species but we’re all so mired in self obsession and jealousy and bullshit and I’m really exhausted by it….

[lightning-and-sparks]

what was your inspiration for Roland? And your inspiration for the other characters if you’d like to share

Oh my gosh, this is such a great question I’m so excited! This counts as Thorns Chronicles 2

So originally, Roland wasn’t supposed to be the main antagonist. He was just a namesake to throw into the position of manager. I also picked kind of a jerk name bc I’ve dealt with some jackass named Roland. Roland evolved into being a “wolf in sheep’s clothing” character where on the surface he doesn’t look intimidating but you kind of get a strange vibe from him. I wanted to make someone desperate enough to do what he did. He’s hellbent on getting back to Dancity bc his wife is dying and he only took the job as Jack’s manager to pay her medical bills because it was all he could get. I don’t want to say too much here but he is hinted to have a criminal background with his last client that almost ended his career. He also manipulates Jack on things he knows will provoke him, like his past, and possible relationships where he will be used, and wants to keep reminding him that he is nothing but a pretty face and a warm body, if you catch my drift. As a final thing on Roland, don’t underestimate what an animal backed into a corner will do.

Kelly (The Makeup artist) is based off my hair dresser and acts as more of a comic relief and familiar face. You see her in the very beginning and at the very end. She’s a mother and her empathy extends to Jack. She is employed by him so she doesn’t act on it (ex, when he starts showing signs something is wrong before talking to Korzo, chapter 7 I think?) She doesn’t see Jack Rose as the son of a dictator or a celebrity when he’s in her chair.

Kit Korzo (News Reporter) was my attempt to make a Cesar Flickerman character if you have ever seen hunger games. He’s built his life and livelihood around reporting and is well known for it. He wants Jack’s testimony on his mother but he’s patient enough to play the long game. Like other Eternians he is calculating and we will see him again. Also, @charminggold25 told me he reminds him of Ellen which is so funny

Foxx (bodyguard) is based on a real-life person u know and acts as an outsider looking in. He’s known Jack since he was younger and being employed by the Swans had saved him and his family. Although Night Swan wasn’t the greatest person, she kept him and his kids alive and for that, he’s indebted to the Swans. If not for their employment he would have turned back to a life of crime from which he came. He has three kids, (two daughters and a son) his middle child (the son) is a fan of Jack Rose and ultimately serves to bridge their connection. Foxx sees his son in Jack and also remembers how he was as a kid and feels compelled to step in even if just for his son. Like most Eternians, he is not particular about Dancinites so seeing Roland as an enemy is not that difficult. He’s come to see Jack as a friend rather than an employer and shares his triumphs and downfalls.

Sting (Bodyguard) is introduced a lot later than Foxx when Jack realizes the situation is too big for just them. He acts as a refresher character who adds some new eyes into each scenario. He’s less seasoned compared to Foxx and that breaks up Foxx’s stiffness. He lives in the same neighborhood as Foxx but lives with his grandmother (who taught him Spanish) Sting isn’t upset about the promotion but is happy to be included. Originally, he was named Gordy Sting after Gordon Sting who sings for The Police *COUGH COUGH* message in the bottle! But got switched to Sammy Sting bc the chapter he’s introduced in is a song sang by Sammy Hagar.

Electra (sound coordinator) She exists because I needed someone on the inside as far as technology goes. She’s overconfident and knows what she’s doing. She is from a different Eternian city and acclimated to Eternyx City well.

Soong (Doctor) is one of the first characters I made that we see. He’s distant and watches Jack’s gradual deterioration. Like most Eternians, he knows of Jack Rose but at surface level. He sees him after the initial encounter and watches how he shifts from fear to anger. Soong is last seen at the beginning of the second half of arc 1. He sees what happens to Jack at an intimate level. He also knows Roland and is afraid of him knowing what he’s capable of. He sees Jack first alone and scared but in their next encounter sees he is no longer alone. He is haunted by the image of Jack hemorrhaging on the hospital floor.

Sandy (tailor) comic relief character who is zero bullshit. Doesn’t see Jack or Wander as higher figures. Takes her job very seriously but she can tell something is up by the way Wander and Jack interact and puts in her two cents to Wander.

The man in the mirror: Bad ex of Jack Rose, his first (if u know u know) I’ll talk about him another time, He is called “Spike”

Characters are made for a purpose in Thorns 😉

[lightgriffinsect]

fnf family game night au

(rewritten to be better jhsdjs)

I came up with an FNF family game night fic concept a long while back, (link to full thread) and I'm pulling it out again because ideas

It's gonna be an AU.

All three families - the Dearests, the MFM Crew, and the Andromedas/Entity Squad - get mysteriously dumped inside one large mansion of a house. The front door is locked - they're not allowed to leave. They can't see anything through the huge floor-to-ceiling windows, only their own reflections.

Inside? It’s full of games. Board games, video games, tabletop RPGs. Whoever it was that dumped them all here with only a typed-up note for context wants them to have a tourney of sorts. Play against each other and form new connections between their factions. Presumably until their bloods have been cancelled, and they can exist in the same room without fighting. To “determine who will triumph from among you.” To “close the rifts that have formed between you.” 

In the process of fumbling through such a task, it is revealed that this house is full of secrets. Notes, news, surprises behind every door. Pertaining to what’s going on, to what’s happening in the outside world. It’s something to explore, between shooting death glares across rooms and aggressively playing every night.

(The person who did all this isn’t me or my avatar or whatever btw. I’m not a big fan of that kinda fic trope.)

Andromeda family: Aldryx, Agoti, Sol, and probably Amora. Still deciding between her and Nikusa, though.

MFM family: pretty straightforward. Sarv, Ruv, Sel, and Ras.

Dearest family: DD, MM, GF, and... Psychic??

BF isn't here. He's somewhere outside this new, tiny, cramped world of hostile enemies. GF misses him dearly. MM mourns her future son-in-law and her daughter’s grief. DD and Psychic privately rejoice.

BF, as it turns out, is too chaotic, in the words of their captor. They’ve taken notice of his deeds throughout the time he’s been with GF. He's too much of a wild card.

They want to see what it’ll be like to pit everyone against each other, create a new story without the main character. See what'll happen when you take the one who calls all the shots out of the picture. Make these three families with bitter enmity between them resolve their differences on their own. In the meantime, instead of the blue-haired boy, why not play around with that interesting little assistant of Dearest's? He'll make a fine substitute, powerful in his own right, but endlessly curious enough to keep things fun and determined to protect his loved ones.

The families scoff. BF? That little freak? He's no main character. He's an unabashed rapper with too much pride and ability and drive and time on his hands. And he's got too few thoughts in that blue brain of his. He's no one to call the shots. He is certainly no wild card. He doesn’t deserve that kind of credit.

...despite being the thread linking everyone here. He’s the reason their paths have crossed again in recent times, isn’t he? Partly even the reason they’re all here to begin with. “Brings back good memories, y’know? But all plot threads have to be resolved, so here we are. At least this should be fun!”

To close the rifts that have formed between you.

Fine. They all resolve to play a few games. Attempt halfheartedly at what this person wants from them. Try not to kill each other just yet. Bide their time, research and explore this unfamiliar manor. It's all they can do for now, trapped and unable to escape.

The backstories of all the relevant mods are canon to this AU. It is unknown to these families who has put them here. Most of them are reluctant. A select few willing. Who will triumph and open the door to their escape? Who will form unlikely partnerships with another, and will they be genuine or out of desperation, or for something to gain? Will they breach established boundaries and learn something new about themselves along the way? Will they manage to not kill each other in the process?

also I just really wanna write Psychic and Aldryx interacting

[consoledacup]

I love your takes so I’m just gonna ask this bc you did a breakdown of Layla’s insecurities. Do you think you can highlight Jordan’s insecurities as well,from maybe his past relationships or his relationship with his dad and how it could affect how he views certain things now in comparison to before

Hey, Anon!

Thank you for your kind words. And also, I'm thrilled you asked about Jordan. Layla has gone through so much, and everyone's super happy she has someone as perfect for her as Jordan. But Jordan is just as deserving as love, and Layla's perfect for him, too. They're pretty balanced that way.

Jordan has always wanted to matter to someone. To feel needed and wanted.

He clearly has an Oedipus complex. And I'm not just talking about all the Laura look-alikes he has one night stands with. Honestly, he punches so many people because he can't punch his dad. Like, his relationship with Billy is so heartbreaking. And I'm not sure if he'll ever get what he needs from his father.

He's Jordan Baker, QB1, and his dad is this legend. And it must have dawned on him at some point, that his dad has never seen him as someone to carry on the legacy. When all he's done for years is push himself to make that happen, wearing that number 1 on his jersey with an obscene amount of bravado.

I bet you anything that Jordan wasn't even his dad's guy before Spencer got there. I'm sure it was Asher. He told Spencer he was never his dad's guy. So Asher is the star player and dating the most popular girl in school, and he's supposed to be doing those things, right? And then Spencer moves INTO HIS HOME, becomes the star player, and gets to date that same most popular girl in school. Like, hello?

Not only has he always wanted to feel needed and wanted, but he's also felt like such a screw-up and completely undependable. That was probably amplified the most when he found Olivia in the state she was before the pilot.

So he leans into that, right? He desperately tries to base his self-worth on being handsome and charming and popular. He was never gonna be the perfect son or captain or student or brother or boyfriend, so whatever. And then after his parents' separation, he leans into the charming and the handsome even more.

Until Simone.

Because this fiercely independent girl needs him. She was so desperate in her situation, that she lied about the father of her baby and demanded he be in her life and handle his responsibilities. It causes him to step up in a huge way. Of course he's gonna fall in love with her even after he finds out the truth. She saw him as someone who would step up and help. For the first time, here's someone who says, "He can take care of me. He can help me with this."

Then when Billy and Spencer leave Beverly for Crenshaw, he holds on tighter to Simone and the baby and thinks that maybe he has a new family. Because it kills him that Simone's having a kid with someone else, and he'll never share that connection. So maybe if they got married, she'd need him still. But it doesn't work. Aside from the fact that they're super young, they're both clinging to the idea that their marriage will fix all other aspects of their lives.

So they annul the marriage. And then Layla shows up at his door. And again, he wasn't there. This fiercely independent person, who was sort of an extension of his sister for years, shows up. And he wonders where the hell he's been and what the hell he's been doing. And why he wasn't paying more attention to her all along.

It doesn't take much for her to open up to him about her experience. He slowly catches onto the fact that she needs him. And he falls naturally into this role with her. Because he begins to realize how much he needs her, too. In his beautiful words to her in 4x20, he wants nothing more than for them to be "laughing, connecting, pushing each other to find the very best part of [them]selves."

And it's different from his relationship with Simone. Simone needed him to save her from her situation. And he needed her to save him from everything else going on his life. And by the way, he punched Damon, and Simone came for Layla because both of those individuals represent their own failure in the failed relationship. Both Jordan and Simone had to confront the "victors" of the quadrangle. It sucks, and it's not fair. But that's what happened.

After the fallout from Simone, and facing his feelings for Layla head on (by reverting to old patterns), he realizes that he finally found that feeling of truly mattering to someone. And it was with Layla of all people. So he's not gonna let her go without a fight. Not until she signals to him that he's not what she wants.

Or who she needs.

[invisiblegarters]

Never Let Me Go 1 & 2

Did I check this out because of a gifset of Perth and Chimon? I’m not saying I did, but I’m not saying I didn’t either (no I’m totally saying I did).

But after watching the first two eps, I like it on its own merits too. Does it make sense that this family that is apparently in constant danger doesn’t seem to have any real muscle around? No, not really. Does it make sense that Nueng’s oh so worried mom would hire a kid his own age to watch over him? Kinda, but not just the kid and not necessarily the kid in question - although we’ve seen evidence that Palm can handle himself, all Nueng’s mom has to go on is the word of his dad. It’s weird. 

Am I willing to forgive this because cute? Yeah, probably. I won’t lie, a lot of sense isn’t something I regularly expect from Thai BL - maybe that’s just down to me and what I gravitate to, maybe not, but it makes handwaving these things easy enough so I’m rolling with it. 

I can’t say the rich kid falling for the hired help plot is a new one, or even one that I am particularly drawn to, but the chemistry between the leads is decent and I am feeling the loneliness pouring off of Nueng in a way that kinda hurts my heart. I also kind of feel for the weight the expectations of his parents have put on him, mostly because he clearly would rather not take over the business even before his dad is murdered.

The relationships are also fairly interesting. Ben is clearly after Nueng, who wants Palm but is so lonely and desperate for connection that I think he’ll take what he can get. Palm, who the fuck knows? Dude has his dad in one ear telling him to keep his distance but protect, Nueng in the other demanding friendship, and mom for good measure putting even more “protect my kiddo with your life” pressure on him. I think he feels something but I also think that he’s way way more aware of the true distance between them than Nueng is, or at least than Nueng is letting himself be. 

Although I think that Palm’s dad is being shortsighted by trying to keep his son from being friendly with Nueng. If they’re friends that emotional tie would keep Palm eager to protect Nueng if nothing else. That said I think it’s pretty clear that Palm will be discarded the second he’s not needed any longer, so. 

It might just be my love of Perth talking, but I also find Chopper intriguing. I have a bad feeling that he’s gonna wind up going the villain route, but maybe not. Currently he just seems like a kid who doesn’t enjoy the darker side of his dad’s dealings, has about as much interest in running the family business as Nueng does, and has a very obvious crush on Ben (at least to me it seems obvious). Honestly if anything i think that is where the rivalry and anger is going to spring from - I don’t think it’s coincidence that the scene where he and Ben talk about the latter’s relationship with Nueng came on the heels of Chopper’s dad saying that he’s the one Chopper is in competition with. I truly don’t think that the business thing bothers him as much as it does his dad, but the Ben thing? Oh, yeah, that’ll do it. So I’m keeping my eye on him. 

I don’t think Ben’s up to anything truly nefarious either, but there is definitely something up with him, too. 

As for the big mystery of who is getting people to bully Nueng, my money is on the classmate who wants him to talk to his mom for him. That whole “maybe you’ve done something to piss someone off” thing with the heavy eye contact seemed like a dead giveaway to me, as did his reaction when Nueng said he was going to get his bag analyzed for prints.

So I’m intrigued. I’m more into this for the interpersonal drama than the business stuff, so if the show keeps delivering on that I will stick with it. Here’s hoping!

[kellysbookblog]

THE GRUMPY BOSS AGREEMENT

Vivan Wood

Release Date: January 26

My Amazon: https://www.amazon.com/review/R39JU3KD79OWY8/ref=pe_1098610_137716200_cm_rv_eml_rv0_rv

My GR Review: https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/200541910

https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/200541910

A grumpy boss and single dad with a big project on the horizon. His sexy new assistant, who has a brilliant smile, a sunny attitude, and an oversized heart. The stolen kiss that they can’t forget, no matter how much they try…

After my fiancée left me standing at the altar, I kissed a gorgeous, sultry woman. Months later, that same sunny blonde with a dazzling smile is introduced as Savannah, my new assistant. I try not to panic, but I’ve been fantasizing about her ever-so-kissable lips during my dark, lonely nights. Savannah needs money, and I happen to need a community mouthpiece who can sweet talk the locals.

It’s a match made in heaven… or in my personal hell. From the first second I look into Savannah’s pretty green eyes, I am toast. She is bright and chipper and eager to help a grumpy boss like me succeed. I can bark orders at her all day, but she just smiles and hops to it. It’s annyong how Savannah just smiles at people and somehow ends up getting her way.

Moving back home to Cape Simon is what’s best for my son Charlie. Being a single dad to him all by myself has been tough. Here he can be surrounded by my large, close-knit family. That’s assuming my pro-athlete brother Rex doesn’t drive me insane with his endless demands first.

Lovely, sweet Savannah sticks around to lend me a hand. I’m powerless to resist her sunshine-y charm. She just loves to help anyone and everyone. And what do I do? Grab her by the shoulders, pull her against my body, and kiss her lips until she’s breathless. It’s stupid, reckless, and thoughtless… but it feels so right.

Opposites attract, but nothing can happen between us. I’m not planning on staying in town long. And she’s such a good girl that she practically screams relationship material. Been there, done that, got jilted in a tux.

There’s no way I’m going to kiss her again. No matter how gorgeous she looks, how desperately I start to want her, or how many times we get stuck together spending all afternoon in a tiny swamp shack…

Grab Your Copy!

https://geni.us/TGBA

Meet Vivian Wood:

Vivian Wood is a USA Today, Wall Street Journal, and Amazon Top 20 bestselling author. She specializes in writing about damaged billionaires, ruined princesses, mouthy ballerinas, and anti-heroes that are oh so deliciously bad.

Vivian likes to write about troubled, deeply flawed alpha males and the fiery, kick-ass women who bring them to their knees.

Vivian's lasting motto in romance is a quote from a favorite song: "Soulmates never die."

Get a free book and keep up with Vivian, subscribe to her newsletter: https://vivian-wood.com/get-news

To learn more about Vivian Wood & her books, visit here!

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INFO@VIVIAN-WOOD.COM

[livingmybestfakelife]

Travelin’ Woman

gifs by @kojiandrew @peakyblinded @thepeakygurl

It was almost time for your father’s annual fund raiser ball, one that has been thrown by your family as far back as 1870. The YLN family is one of the most popular and well connected old money families in America, mainly in both politics and merchandising. With a background like yours image was everything, it was one of your families many god given gifts, nice hair, skin and sense of style came with the signature YLN brand.

As much as your father attempted to keep you tamed and under his thumb, you couldn’t be bothered to let yourself be obsessed with the family business and possibly taking over one of the many positions one day. You despised the stuffiness of it all and instead enjoyed being one of the most eligible bachelorettes in Boston and even all of America. Mothers desperately wanted you to notice their sons and prepared the young men into making sure that they knew as much about you as they could to possibly woo you, the most half of them gotten close to getting was one date. You weren’t ready to settle down and have a media circus of a wedding to a man also apart of an affluent family.

“You plan on proposing to her again tonight, you do realize that she will say no again?”

“She’ll give in one day, I just know it”

“And what if she’s already snatched up by that pretty boy newspaper heir from Boston by then?”

Arthur chimed in, he chuckled at the way his brother and Jack were going nuts over one woman, one who he never thought would make his little brother look like such a fool. He knew you had good looks and a charismatic personality don’t get him wrong, but he thought Tommy was stronger than that and would fight it, but stranger things have happened.

“Fucking hell…you serious?”

“Very, you should’ve seen his face when we showed up to his office to have a talk with him, he knew he didn’t have a choice but to expose his secret…I kinda feel sorry for the poor bloke”

“Well he sure does put on a good ladies man act, you gents were ready to give him a long dirt nap…well who else knows besides us three?”

“Just God”

Nathan had begged them not to tell anyone, that he didn’t mean for it to look like he was your next boyfriend for however many years. It surprised him that they decided to keep it between all of them, Tommy believed that what a man does in his personal life was his own business, and Jack, though a devout Catholic and conservative man felt pretty much the same way and left it be, as long as his reasoning for being so close to you was obviously nothing more than a genuine friendship, he couldn’t bother to care who he really was.

A knock on the double glass doors of the back of the pub interrupted their conversation, Arthur opened it to see a man he never seen before, smartly dressed with a fur coat.

“And who the fuck are you mate? You got an invitation to be back here or something?”

“Arthur it’s alright, state your name and the reason for you being here, I’m sure you saw the big sign on the door outside that the pub is closed”

“I came to speak with a Mr. Thomas Shelby and Mr. Jack Nelson, I believe Jack is the American one”

“That I am, who wants to know?”

He walks in further into the room with his hands up in surrender, he gives them a slight smirk and gestures to the table.

“May I have a seat? I promise I come in peace”

Tommy nods and the man goes to sit, he looks at the three men, studying them in a way.

“The reason of my visit is it discuss a common issue”

“That being?”

“YN YLN”

Jack perks up and leans forward, ready to pounce just in case this mysterious gentleman lied about coming in peace.

“What about her?”

“Well Mr. Nelson…she owes me a wedding ring, a signed marriage certificate and at least three children”

“Ohhhh fucking hell you too?” Arthur laughs at the man who sounds exactly like what his brother has been whining about all of these years about you, he stops his moment of amusement when Tommy glares at him.

“My name is Brilliant Chang, I met YN in London at one of my restaurants that I had just opened back in 1913, that woman…that woman knew that she had me the moment she and I locked eyes, we had our fun together, as the both of you know, and just when I began to talk about us finally becoming serious she gave me some bullshit excuse about how she couldn’t give me what I wanted, that she wasn’t that kind of woman, you can imagine how pissed I was when I found out recently that she popped out two children for you and one for Mr. Shelby, you couldn’t get her marry you no, but even I couldn’t even get her to quit flushing out my sperm after we fucked”

He slammed his fist on the table, clearly enraged with how you dogged him and easily moved on from it, the room was silent as he went to light himself a cigarette, his breathing still at a fast rate.

“Mr. Chang I don’t know where your mindset is right now, but you look ready to kill”

“If it wasn’t for her being a mother I would consider it” is what he wanted to say but he knew he couldn’t, they could easily pump him full of lead for even thinking about hurting you.

“No…how could I ever want to hurt the only woman I’ve ever truly loved?”

He stands up and heads towards the door to leave, but not before one last say.

“Look at us huh, how can one woman make all of us crazy? All the women walking this fucking Earth but she’s the one we’re fighting over? You think she has a spell on us or something?”

“She doesn’t need to Mr. Chang, those YLN women have a talent of turning all of their men into fools”

He chuckles and walks out of the pub with the room still heavy with tension.

“YN YLN…the rabbit hole goes deep with that woman innit?” Arthur says to himself but loud enough that it the other two could hear him, he himself goes to leave the room to poor himself a drink, he’s heard enough sap to write a romance novel about for today.

[wildelydawn]

Dear Kim Theerapanyakun. (a letter)

I admit, I have the very bad and cringe-y habit of writing letters to fictional characters, and you’re next on my list. (You are joining a pretty strange list of characters, such as Basil from The Picture of Dorian Gray, Castiel from Supernatural, and Sula from Sula, and I’m sorry about that.) I wanted to take some time and think about your character outside of the usual meta writing/fanfiction I do, and instead, in a really weirdly personal way, talk about myself and how I feel connected to someone who isn’t actually real, but depicted a very real problem within both our families: how loyal do you have to be to your family? 

A few years ago, I had to make the tough decision of leaving my family home. There were a lot of factors as to why, some of which I can’t talk about without revealing my identity, but the important aspect to note is that I’m from a culture (really, a family because not all of the culture is like this) in which women don’t leave their familial homes until marriage. They don’t venture off, live on their own, “find themselves,” or anything of that nature. They’re kind of expected to stay in their parents’ home, have a husband, then live with that husband, have kids, and start the cycle over again. So when I made the decision to leave all that I knew behind, I was incredibly alienated from not just my parents, but also my siblings, cousins, etc. 

No one understood what I was doing. Truthfully, I didn’t know what I was doing either. I just wanted to get away, and I think physically, I did. I wasn’t living there anymore, so I thought I got what I wanted.

When I started watching KinnPorsche, I instantly connected with how you, Kim, left the main house and distanced yourself from the mafia family (though, I admit, you have it a lot more rough than I do. My parents are trying to get me married, and your father is trying to gun down his brother opponents and control the Bangkok underworld.) To this day, even during the season finale, I don’t know what your motivations were for leaving, but I can tell you a few of mine: I was passionate about writing and education, I desperately wanted freedom, and I sought to define myself outside of familial labels. I like to tell myself that maybe some of my reasons are your reasons for leaving too.

I admit that I expected you to have a happy ending during this finale. I thought you would have solidified your freedom, maybe ran off with Porchay, or said fuck all to the main family for good. I expected that because to be honest, a lot of characters who are pulled in all directions due to their goals, passions, and family eventually end up finding a balance between all these facets of their lives. That’s the ultimate happy ending, isn’t it? To have everything?

Those stories are good stories, and those characters are great characters, but I never could relate to them. It’s been half a decade since I left, and I haven’t found a balance yet. My family leaves me to my isolation until shit hits the fan. Then I’m suddenly pulled into disaster that is my home, and when I am with them, I have to abandon all the other parts of me: my writing, my education, my identity, my career, in order to be part of this family that I can’t simply leave because of loyalty and responsibility that I don’t want nor should have. 

When I started writing about your necklaces, it hit me that you too struggle with loyalty, and that you too are pulled in all these directions. You have on so many hats: mafia prince, singer, certified badass, student, and, perhaps the most damning, son. I watched your necklaces change. Sometimes, I thought they were emblems of freedom. Other times, I watched them weigh you down, especially when you had to go back into your old skin. Regardless of what they mean, over these last few episodes, I’ve watched you abandon all those other parts of you because of the mafia, because of family.

And for the first time in a very long time, I didn’t feel quite so alone in my conundrum. I felt as if we were going through the same thing (even though we’re really not.) I felt oddly akin with you in your last scene. Just standing there with your guitar after you finished performing because you had to make a choice to leave the other parts of you behind in order to remain loyal to your family: something I am so familiar with.

Selfishly, after the finale ended, I felt relieved you didn’t get freedom or balance in your life because now I feel less lonely in my own imbalanced life. I feel like I’m not the only one going through it, is what I’m trying to say.

That doesn’t mean I hope you don’t get that balance or what you want. I hope you do, and I hope I do as well. I don’t want us to abandon our respective families because they are important to us. But I do hope you realize you can be loyal to others, like Porchay, too. In fact, I think I saw some of that budding loyalty when you sent him that video. And yeah, you kicked ass for him and protected him, but sending the video was something purely you. Your decision. Your feelings. You put them above the family for the first time. And even though rumor has it that you’ll be back in full swing with the mafia, I hope you can put yourself and your feelings and wants and who you are above your responsibilities to the mafia.

When I think of those moments in which you put yourself first, past and future, I find myself hoping that one day, I can be as brave as you are.

with all my love, always,

dawn.

[salemwritesxx]

↳ bottom bakugou(32) x top reader (32)

request: Could I request Bakugo wanting to surprise you after you get home from a rlly long mission, so he greets you on the kitchen by wearing only an apron and a buttplug on after you put the children to bed. Breeding and impregnating him AGAIN with your child. Maybe ends w/ their children coming to their room cuz they heard some noises and was scared <//3

w.count: 5040

content warning: fluff and smut; fluffy smut with lots of kisses, male pregnancy mentioned, breeding and impregnation mentioned, baku and y/n already have two children (2 and 4), mention of c-section scars

“Welcome home.”, he grinned at you with that glint in his ruby eyes, arms crossed and leaning against the wall.

“Ah…”, you just came through the door, when your husband greeted you, a smile immediately on your lips as your own e/c eyes shimmered, “I’m home.”

And before Katsuki could say anything anymore, you were already in front of him, strong arms wrapped around him as he was pressed against your body; immediately, he relaxed into the embrace, his own arms slung around your back and his hands gliding up your spine almost timidly as if you were just some hallucination and he had to make sure you were real.

It had been over a month since he last could hug you, due to your mission having been so stupidly long. Though before any of you could say anything, you already heard squealing.

“Daddy!! IT’S DADDY! DADDY IS HOME!”, your four year old screamed excitedly as he rushed down the staircase, hence you and Katsuki detangled again, just so you could kneel down and catch Haruki who was jumping into your arms.

“Hahaha, Daddy missed you too, Haru!”, hearing your happy laugh truly melted Bakugou’s heart, before you both got interrupted by a whiny “Daaaddyyy!” coming from your two year old who stood on the edge of the staircase, thus activating Bakugou’s fatherly instincts instantly.

Though before he could rush up the stairs, you said, “It’s okay Nao, just wait a bit, Daddy will get you.”, hence you stood up, Haru on your arm.

As you walked past your husband, your free hand brushed along his back for a moment, a fleeting gentle touch that immediately made him feel all warm and fuzzy, his own hand drawing along your arm until he reached your hand and had to let go once you were past him and walked up the staircase.

Meeting Naoki at the end of the stairs, he immediately wrapped his arm around your neck when you grabbed him with a “There we go.”, both of your sons cuddling into your arms.

“Shouldn’t you two be asleep already, hm?”, you chuckled as you walked back into the hallway, Bakugou, who finally got changed properly, as he had been standing there in mere pants due to him freshly coming out of the shower when you came home, then crossed his arms and shook his head.

“I let them stay up.”,

“Oh…”, you simply smiled, which only made your husband softly smile as well when he saw how much they cuddle into you; Bakugou knew how excited they were when he told them about Daddy being on his way home – honestly, it was his own fault, but he was also pretty happy and excited to have his husband back home soon.

“AND! I was not sleepy at all! Nhn! Haru was not sleepy!”, to which Naoki approvingly nodded with a “Not sleepy!”

Both you and Bakugou looked at each other with an amused smile on your lips, before you said, “I know, I know, you are big boys already, huh? But now even the strongest little heroes need to sleep, right, Dad?”, you then looked to Katsuki who stepped closer just to ruffle Nao’s spiky hair that was so similar to his, “Right. So they can wake up and save the world again tomorrow.”

“Uhhggh but DAA-AAD! Nao and I want to play with Daddy now!”, Haru whined loudly, though one glance from Katsuki was enough to make him pout and cross his arms.

“I know, but Daddy is tired, right? And you promised me you will go to bed once Daddy is back home.”, he looked at you for a little help, one glance enough so you kneeled down to put your kids onto the ground, even if it was only 9 pm, but it was way past bedtime for your little ones.

“That’s right. Daddy was gone so long, he is really tired. But I promise we will play tomorrow, okay? Haru? Nao? Promise?”, you smiled at them and offered both of your pinkies, your sons immediately hooking their own into them.

“It’s a promise, Daddy!”

“Pwomise!”, Nao excitedly threw the other hand into the air, making your heart seriously melt as you nodded.

“Okay, now. Be good little heroes and go into your bedroom, Daddy will be there in just a second, okay?”

Haru was still pouting a bit, though he nodded as he took Naoki’s hand so they slowly walked up the stairs just how you and Bakugou showed them (Naoki going down the stairs was, however, still something Katsuki liked to monitor until Nao was a little bit older), leaving you and your husband, who had just watched the scene silently, alone for a moment.

“I love you.”, he said out loud so suddenly it surprised you, though in a good kind of way as you couldn’t hold back your grin when you grabbed him around his hips to whisper an “I love you too, Baby.”

If he wasn’t already a puddle because he just loved the way you talked to your sons, Katsuki sure as hell was very close to being one right now, literally melting in your arms, not wanting to let go, though he knew he had to.

“Will you join me in the kitchen later? I’m starving!”, Katsuki whispered so seductively that you had to really bite your lip in order not to let your emotions get the best of you, since he exactly knew what he was doing with his choice of words.

“I will, just let me take a quick shower and then we can eat.”, the smirk on your lips and the twitching of your eyebrows only made Bakugou’s grin a little wider as he let go of you to walk up the stairs to tuck your kids into bed.

--

While you were busy in the shower, Bakugou quietly sneaked into his bedroom to prepare the surprise he had been planning ever since you left for the mission, because even though you were married with two children didn’t mean the love and desire he felt for you had faded over time – if anything, it had just gotten stronger.

Thus, when he was in the kitchen, doing something at the counter, your whistle immediately made him grin and turn around a bit.

“Hmmm, now that’s what I call a feast.”, your own grin spread across your face as you approached him. You didn’t even bother putting anything on after showering besides a fresh pair of underwear.

“You like it?”, it was barely whispered when you were close enough that his breath was tickling your cheek. An apron was merely covering his body, and a little heart shaped diamond was sneakily peeking out, revealing the buttplug he had inserted.

Katsuki was pressed against your body once more, arms wrapped around you tightly and your own also holding him close, while your face was buried in the nook of his neck – inhaling his scent.

“I love it. Hmm fuck, I missed you! My handsome, gorgeous husband. I was so lonely!”, you mumbled against his skin, feeling his beautiful body melting against your own so perfectly as he also buried his face at your shoulder.

“Me too… I missed you so fucking much. Even though Haru and Nao kept me quite busy…Haha look what you fucking did to me? I can’t even fall asleep without you anymore. I’m all mushy now.”, he laughed, hugging you even tighter.

“Hmmm, I’m glad I’m not the only one.”, pulling back a bit, you also giggled.

Then, you leaned in, your foreheads touching for a moment and just relishing those quiet seconds, before he closed the distance between your lips, his nose brushing against your own, then his lips against yours as he barely whispered an “I love you.” again, just to connect them at last after your mumbled “I love you, too.”

And it truly was like little fireworks as he held on to you desperately, softly moaning into your mouth when your hands traveled down to his tiny waist, you immediately taking the chance to slip your tongue between his lips, brushing against his and entwining them.

“Mhhhh”, blissfully groaning, Katsuki twitched when you grabbed his small, firm butt with your big hands eventually, just to openly moan the moment your fingers sneakily pushed against the heart shaped diamond at the end of the plug, moving it like that.

“Y/n…”, he breathlessly gasped when he pulled back just an inch, his ruby eyes shimmering when he whispered, “Let’s have another brat… What do you think?” catching you so off-guard for a moment that you stopped every movement just to stare at him.

“Wait… Really? You mean it?”, your surprise from before faded away and was replaced by a big, wide happy grin that made Bakugou laugh excitedly, knowing how overjoyed you were. Nodding with a big smile on his face as well, he then confirmed, “Yes. I mean it.”

Immediately, Katsuki felt your grip tightening around him, only to gasp in surprise when you suddenly grabbed and swung him around as if he was a mere piece of paper, just to giggle and squeeze you also tightly.

You both had talked about a big family even before Haruki was born, but after your latest son’s birth, Katsuki kind of didn’t mention it again, probably because you both had to settle into your new role as parents of two very agile boys. That’s why, hearing your husband say he was ready for another baby, was just overwhelming.

“Let’s go upstairs!”, was the thing you declared, only to make your husband yelp your name in embarrassment when you threw him over your shoulder so easily, exposing him and the buttplug completely.

“Y/n! You are so stupid!”, though he couldn’t help but chuckle even though he was ‘punching’ you in the back all ‘angrily’ when you carried him upstairs and into the bedroom, glad that your two baby boys were sleeping soundly in the room opposite of yours.

Closing the door behind you quietly, you didn’t waste much time and thus, Katsuki fell into the big bed with you crawling on top of him, his arms however instantly welcoming you as he wrapped them around your neck.

“Hmmm, you know… I wouldn’t mind if you’d cook for me dressed like that.”, you purred deeply as you pressed open-mouthed kisses against his neck, making him shiver and groan blissfully.

“I- I’ll remember it for the next time… when…the boys are at their grandparents’ ...”, giggling and sort of moaning at the same time, his body reacted instantly, pushing himself against your hands that were roaming his body and sneaking underneath it to play with the strings of the apron.

“You are so… beautiful. God, how did I get so fucking lucky?”, your words were enough to make him softly blush and kick you, though very harmlessly, because you knew exactly he didn’t know how to respond properly to compliments like that.

“Anh, Y/n-“, arching his back slightly, your big hands had opened the strings around his waist, giving Katsuki the chance to pull the apron away from his body completely and thus exposing himself.

And so, you kissed down to his chest where you started leaving little bite marks and kisses; every time his sensitive skin slipped between your teeth, his body reacted way too violently, twitching and moving and his lips escaping cute, lewd sounds.

“So pretty… Hmmm.”, your lips against his skin vibrated so deliciously and made him squirm a bit, only for Bakugou to quietly groan when you flicked against his bud, just to moan out when you bit and pulled gently.

“You’re gonna be all full again when you’re pregnant… And leaking all the time…Just like the first two times…hmmmm I can’t wait!”

“Y/n…”, he hated to admit it, but your words really turned him on, knowing how feral you were during his past two pregnancies, because something about his pregnant body just made you so horny and wild, not even giving him a chance to feel insecure or bad about himself.

“And your belly… So cute and round.”, slowly wandering down with your lips, you kissed all over his body that had some stretch marks from the previous bumps and wasn’t as firm as it was in his younger years of being a hero.

The pregnancies had left their scars on his bodies and for a while, Bakugou was insecure about them, especially having been so well-trained and having big muscles, to his skin being scarred with stretch-marks – it truly was a transition to liking himself again, but with your help, it was easier.

Kissing past his belly button, you then stopped when you reached his c-section scars and the loose skin, your hands that had travelled with you down his sides resting on his hips as you laid between his legs.

“You really want to go through this a third time, Baby?”

He was a little surprised when he raised his head to look down and into your own shimmering e/c eyes, though he just smiled and reached out his hand to touch your cheek.

“Yes… I want to have a big family with you. So even if it means I’ll get more flabby skin and a third scar, I don’t give one fuck about it! Just promise me… you will still fuck me from time to time, even if I look horrendous.”, Katsuki grinned, maybe to hide his actual feelings, you didn’t know, but you didn’t have to, because the moment those words escape his lips, you sat back up and crawled on top of him again.

“Katsuki! Don’t say that.”, you leaned in, lips brushing against his as you continued in a hushed voice, “You will always be gorgeous in my eyes. I will always love and desire you.”, as you pecked them in between, making him gulp as he tried not to get emotional – and he wasn’t even pregnant yet! – before wrapping his arms around your neck and smashing his lips against your own.

Letting your lips melt against each other and your tongues dance passionately, you grinded your covered cock against his, Bakugou instantly moaning into your mouth so lewdly as his own hips started moving with your own, rubbing against you.

“Mhhh Ahh!”, he didn’t hold back blissfully groaning and moaning against your lips, especially when you pushed him into the sheets like that, with your hips rolling so deliciously against his, only to almost sadly whine when you stopped and broke the kiss, Bakugou, however, following you with little pecks against your lips, not wanting to stop yet, until he was physically unable to raise his head any more, earning your chuckle and “You’re so cute!” that made him groan a bit.

“Y/n…”, barely whispering your name, he watched as you traveled between his legs again, this time however, not stopping and going past his scars, following the soft blonde hair until you reached his leaking cockhead, letting your tongue swirl around it to taste his precum and earning his delightful moan as you licked along his hard shaft down to his balls, sucking on one of them softly.

“D-Don’t play- with me!”, he choked out, though you didn’t listen, your index and middle finger that were wrapped around the heart-shaped end of his buttplug pulled on it lightly to make him moan, before you started moving it a bit.

“Hmmm, but… you did all of this for me, no? Might as well enjoy it a little, hmhm.”, you chuckled and he whined as a response, as well as his hands clawing at your shoulders and leaving scratches as he tried to pull you back up.

So in the end, you complied and sat back up, meeting your husband eye-to-eye once more.

“So demanding.”, a soft giggle escaped your throat as you brushed your nose against his, Bakugou barely grunting and giving you little kisses – he missed you. Not feeling each other over a month made him very, very needy for all the love.

With his legs spread, your hand kept moving between them, Katsuki wantonly moaning against your lips and holding on tightly as you pulled the buttplug out just a bit, spreading his hole and then thrusting it back in.

“Ahnh Y/n… I love you. Fuck, I missed you.”, he whined, lips brushing against yours, giving you no other chance but to connect them for deep, demanding kisses while your free arm was slung around him so you could hold him against you protectively.

And then, Katsuki’s hand slowly started wandering as well, until your own deep groan got lost in his hot mouth when he snuck underneath your underwear to wrap his digits around your throbbing cock.

Spreading his legs a little more, he completely melted against your side while his hand moved inside your pants. Smearing around the precum on your tip and rubbing his thumb against the sensitive underside of your cockhead, just to hear your own grunts and lewd moans.

“I’m gonna… pull it out, yeah?”, you breathlessly whispered against his lips, his approvingly whined “Mhm” everything you needed to hear before you properly took the heart-shaped end of the buttplug and pulled on it, earning your husband’s loud grunting and blissful moaning; the plug spread him wide open, until it quietly popped out, leaving his hole twitching and gaping for more.

“Please… breed me. Fuck me! Impregnate me! Y/n!!!”, Katsuki moaned out and bucked his hips, wanting to be fucked so desperately, his half-closed ruby eyes gleaming with want and lust and tears pooling in the corner of them.

“Hmm, you don’t have to tell me twice!”, the low purr against his lips made Bakugou all giddy, his hand that had been pumping your cock, now slipping away so you could get rid of your underwear.

Katsuki just watched you with half-closed ruby eyes and softly panting as you reached for the lube, his hands lightly shaking with excitement and one lazily stroking his own dick while he waited for you, before he opened his arms willingly when you were crawling on top of him once more.

Digging his nails into your back, your lips collided and melted into each other ones more, soft moans getting swallowed in the process. Spreading his legs, he waited, though not for long when he vividly felt your cockhead pressing against his sloppy hole, just for him to moan and whine loudly as you spread him open.

Guiding your cock for a few inches, you eventually thrusted inside of him balls-deep, earning his delightful grunts and mewls when you filled him out fully, Katsuki’s eyes closed and face twisted in pleasure as he relished the moment of being connected again.

Just looking at him, your heart quenched, wondering how you deserved someone so amazing and beautiful by your side, hence startling him a little when you buried both of your hands into his spiky hair, his ruby eyes fluttering open in surprise.

“I love you… I love you so much. And I missed you so, so fucking much.”, your barely choked out, only to connect your lips once more, Bakugou’s instinctive reaction being to also wrap his arms and legs around you, being smushed together deliciously, your heavy body pressed against his own hot one.

“Me to-… Ahnh!!”, he didn’t have time to articulate much more when you started moving, a blissful moan leaving his lips, before you stifled it as you kissed him, Katsuki instantly returning the desperate, passionate gesture as your tongues entwined and fought, drool trickling down his chin in the process.

At first, you were moving rather slow, barely grinding your cockhead against that sweet spot inside of him, before you increased your pace at last, his nails digging into your back while your own were buried in his scalp and shoulder, holding him close against you and not letting him go.

Your balls slapping against his ass with every vigorous thrust sent Katsuki higher and higher into the clouds, drifting away on a wave of pleasure. Drops of sweat dripping down his temple over his cheek, due to his quirk but also because of the sheer passion you shared, mixing with his hot tears he couldn’t hold back from overwhelming emotions of pleasure and love.

“Y/n! Y/n! Ahnh AH!”, at last, he had to pull back and throw his head into the pillow, moaning while trying his best not to be too loud because of your babies, though it was hard when you penetrated him so skillfully. Ramming your cock into his ass, marking what was yours over and over again as you rearranged his insides once more.

“Ahnh! I mi-miss-ed thi- HANH!”, Katsuki gasped and sobbed, sweaty bodies moving together so deliciously, the heavy scent of love making filling the air, your own natural scent mixed with your soap clouding his mind more and more as he only knew how to hold on desperately, loving the way you were pressed together.

You missed him so much, even if you said it out loud multiple times, Bakugou could feel it in your movements and the way you held him.

As you gently tucked on his hair, he followed your demand as you tilted his head a bit, giving you a bit more room to work with, only to bite his bottom lip in order not to moan too loudly and lewdly when you pressed kisses onto his neck once more. Your tongue catching a few drops of his sweat as you licked over his Adam’s apple, before you caught his sweet, delicate skin between your teeth to suckle softly.

Bakugou usually was more careful when it came to hickeys and love bites, wanting them in places that could be easily hidden with clothes, but in that moment, he didn’t care, he only moaned and spurred you on, his heels pressing into your hips as they irregularly jerked against his ass.

“Y/n!! Y/n!”, sobbing and hiccupping your name, Katsuki felt the hot waves in his lower abdomen becoming stronger and stronger. He was close.

As you raised your head to look at him, the sight alone made your stomach turn as a strong wave of lust swept through your body, seeing your husband enjoying himself so much – he looked so cute and lewd.

“Y/n- I… I’m gonna…”, Katsuki tried to warn you, but you just leaned over him and pecked his lips, saying in a hushed voice and out of breath as well, “M-me … too- fuck!” before you got pulled in as he had captured your lips once more, another sloppy kiss igniting.

“HmhhMM!!”, with suppressed and stifled moans against your lips, Bakugou’s tightened the grip from his legs around your hips, almost giving you no room to move, yet, you didn’t care as your hips rapidly jerked against his ass.

The last few thrusts against his sweet spot were enough at last, Katsuki’s nails almost drawing blood on your sweaty back as he moaned and whined, his sounds thankfully getting stifled due to kissing you. However, as you fucked him through his orgasm, his cock bouncing so pathetically as he released all over his belly with big spurts of cum, Katsuki’s body was shaking and spasming in your arms.

His insides fluttering around you and tightening were almost too much, your vigorous thrusts coming to a halt just a few moments after his own orgasm as you buried yourself balls-deep into his ass one last time.

Pulling away from his lips, Bakugou opened his eyes the moment you threw your head back, watching attentively as your Adam’s apple moved and your faced twisted in pleasure, it sent another jolt of pure lust through his body – this was because of him. He could make you feel this good.

“Y/n-“, barely choking out your name, you also just gasped his in response.

For a moment, you looked into each other’s eyes, before you pressed a soft kiss against his swollen, red lips, just to rest your head against his shoulder, Katsuki’s cheek instantly leaning on it as he hugged you against his sweaty body, feeling your weight pushing him down so perfectly, your legs tangled and both of you heavily gasping.

After a few minutes of just silence that was disrupted by heavy breathing, you eventually managed to raise your head and push yourself back up and onto your elbows.

“I’m gonna pull out, okay?”, brushing your lips against his, sweet, innocent little kisses were shared as Katsuki nodded, barely breathing a “Hm”, before a delightful hiss escaped his dry throat as you slowly pulled back until your cock slipped out.

Rolling over, you fell beside him into bed.

Bakugou could vividly feel your seed inside of him, drops of cum dripping from his hole – the sheer bliss of being bred was making him shiver; rolling over as well and snuggling into your body, your arm instantly wrapped around him to hold him.

“Hey…”

“Hm?”, you turned your had to look at him.

“I’m glad you’re home again…”, Katsuki tiredly smiled, before his ruby eyes closed when you leaned down to smooch him.

“Me too. I missed you and the babies so much.”, and like that, you had rolled over a bit to have a better position while kissing him, Bakugou happily sighing into the soft kisses, tongues lazily brushing against each other.

“Hey… we should go clean…”, he whispered against your lips, though with how he was still clinging to you, you just giggled and rolled around so he was pushed back in the mattress again.

“Hmmm, already? How about… a little bit more?”, the way you giggled, so utterly smitten and in love as you kissed him over and over, it was quite contagious as his deep, raspy giggle was also heard.

“Just a little…”

“Hmmm just a little.”

And as you slipped your hand down his torso to play with his already soft dick, Katsuki’s hand simultaneously wandered down as well, both of you insatiable and needy for some more love.

--- A few hours later ---

Sighing in bliss as he stepped into the cool room, he walked towards the bed while you walked over to the window you had opened before your shower to get rid of the sex-heavy, stuffy air in your bedroom, before you joined Bakugou in bed – freshly showered once more that night.

“Hah…”, Katsuki sighed as he cuddled closer, one arm wrapped around your torso and his head resting on your chest, “I fucking missed this…”

“Me too.”, slinging your arms around him, you peppered kisses onto his freshly washed hair and face, earning his raspy chuckle.

“Just being able to have you in my arms again after that mission feels like heaven.”

“Yeah… same…”, he barely whispered, before he looked and reached up.

Your foreheads touched and he softly caressed your cheek, exchanging a few last little kisses before you cuddled into the bed and the blankets so you could both finally get the rest you deserved after thoroughly making love again.

However, it must have been less than 30 minutes later when you were both startled as a quiet “Daddy?” made your head perk up.

“Haru?”, you tiredly mumbled his name, your hand reaching out to your nightstand to turn on the lamp.

“Hey, champ, what´s wrong?”, Katsuki, who was laying on your chest still, also raised his head to look at his son who was scurrying to the bed, only to then see the tears trickling down his face.

“I had.. I had- bad dream…”, the little one then broke down as he had tried to keep his tears at bay before that.

Bakugou and you looked at each other for a split-second, then you already reached down to pick up your son.

“It’s okay, Haruki. It was just a dream. Everything’s going to be okay now.”, softly cooing, Katsuki was the one who pressed a gentle kiss onto his son’s cheek as he scooched closer to you and him once more.

“That’s right. No one can hurt you as long as Daddy and I are here.”

“R-really?”, his big, round e/c eyes that clearly were so similar to yours looked at you and Bakugou so innocently, and when Haruki saw both of you nodding, he was a bit relieved, his sobbing calming down a little.

“Dad and I will always protect you and Naoki. Right, Dad?”, you whispered and kissed his forehead, hand gently combing through his spiky h/c hair.

“Mhmh. We will always be there to protect you, Haru.”, Bakugou approved and smiled at his son, something, no one would have ever thought he could do just mere years ago, but having his own kids just… changed him.

Thankfully, your reassuring words helped Haruki to calm down, a few last tears trickling down his cheeks as he nuzzled into your chest; your hand combing through his hair and Bakugou gently caressing his back.

Both of you were quiet for a few minutes, just tending to your little one, until you both heard Haruki evenly breath, telling you he was fast asleep once more, hence you made a small gesture with your head towards the door. After your husband nodded, you carefully stood up and carried your baby back into his room and bed.

Waiting for you, it only took a few moments before you snuck back into the bedroom, softly closing the door and then jumping back into bed to your husband.

“I’m glad he fell asleep so quickly again.”

“Hm.”, Katsuki approvingly nodded and cuddle closer again.

“Tomorrow, make sure to spend lots of time with them, they really missed you.”, he mumbled into your neck, hence you pressed a soft kiss onto his cheek and whispered, “I will.”, making your husband tiredly smile, ruby eyes feeling heavy as he slowly closed them at last.

“Good night, Kat.”, was the last thing he registered before he drifted off, now that you were back, finally being able to fall asleep again, because even though he hated to admit it – he couldn’t sleep properly without you, he was lonely and anxious, but now… Everything was okay.

Because Daddy was finally home again, right where you belonged.

@salemwritesxx || do not repost, edit, modify or translate my works

writer’s note: I’ve worked on this… for a LONG time but I am pretty happy with how it came out! Just being all smoochy smoochy with baku is perfect and I love reunion and reunion sex it’s just and mpreg and just… it was a perfect request👌🏼 thanks again anon!

[farfromharry]

Call me when you get this | College!Tom fic

Summary: you knew it’d be difficult for your relationship when you and tom went away to seperate universities. but now you were missing each others calls, your only form of communication, living off of the sound of your lover through a voicemail.

Word count - 14.3k+

Warnings - language, mentions of underage drinking, suggestive content, angst

━━━━━━━━━♡♥♡━━━━━━━━━

Friday, 7th September

Standing in front of your boyfriend’s house before nine in the morning on a cold Friday in September was not the place you really wanted to be right now, especially when you were having to say goodbye to him for who knows how long.

“I guess this is it,” he said, his voice lacking that usual boyish excitement it possessed when he was around you.

Today was the day you and Tom had been dreading for so many months. The day Tom left and really solidified the fact that the two of you had to part to go to different colleges, which were also quite a few hours away from each other. Your heart was aching as he stared at you with those sad, brown, puppy dog eyes, but you were sure your own eyes were exactly the same.

You began to tear up as you watched him pack his bags into the back of his mum’s car, your bottom lip jutting out in a pout directed at him. When he turned his head he noticed you staring and opened his strong arms for you, inviting you in. You obviously immediately accepted, rushing into his warm embrace. He squeezed you tightly in his arms, feeling your body begin to shake as you let out a broken sob.

“Hey, hey, look at me.” He cupped your cheeks, making sure you were looking at him before he spoke. He had a comforting smile on his lips, one that always made you feel all warm inside. “This isn’t goodbye,” he promised, kissing your head a few times, “‘m gonna visit as much as I can, we’ll see each other soon. I’m not leaving forever,” he said.

“I’m going to miss you, so much,” you whispered, letting his strong, calming, scent overwhelm you when you buried your head back in his hoodie. “I’m so used to seeing you everyday.”

“I’m going to miss you too, more than you know Y/N.” You sighed sadly, nuzzling your face even deeper into his chest, if that was possible. Tom smiled, running his fingers through your hair as you both swayed softly in your embrace.

The moment was ruined all too soon by Nikki shouting for him. She felt bad for breaking up your moment, but the drive was already long and they wanted to arrive before lunch.

“Tom, we have to go,” his mum announced, trying to motion for him to start heading to the car. All his stuff was already packed inside, you’d helped with most of that part earlier this morning just so you got to spend more time with him, and now he was all ready to go; even if you wish he wasn’t.

Nikki offered you a sympathetic smile, knowing you were struggling to part from her son. She’d always called it ‘puppy love’ but she didn’t quite understand the extent of your affection for one another.

“I love you, and I’ll call you as soon as I can,” he promised, pressing no less than three quick pecks onto your lips. You nodded, plastering on a fake smile. He wiped your tears with the pads of his thumb, his heart fluttering as you giggled at how silly you were being.

He leaned down to kiss you one more time, ignoring the mixed taste of both of your salty tears. Only then did you realise Tom was crying too, your heart aching.

“We’re idiots aren’t we?” you asked. He nodded, chuckling as he pulled away from you. The only touch you had now was from the way your pinkies were still locked in a promise that you were going to make this work.

“I’ll see you later, bub.” “See you later, Tommy.”

He placed one final kiss on your head before turning on his heel to walk down his driveway. As he climbed in the car you were tugged into a hug by one of the twins.

When you looked up you noticed the wild curls and rolled your eyes at Harry, but nonetheless rested your head against his chest. “I still don’t know how you put up with him for so long.”

You laughed, playfully pushing Sam for the comment to scold him.

“Seriously Y/N, he’s so in love with you. Everything’s gonna be fine,” he admits in Tom’s absence. He knew that if Tom were here right now he’d probably hit him for saying so out loud.

“He’s right, he never shuts up about you,” Harry added. “Always gushing about everything you do,” he fake gagged.

“He’s whipped,” Paddy said, the youngest of the brothers making you giggle. Your heart swelled in your chest, your body suddenly feeling warm, even in the cold London weather.

Within the time of your conversation, Tom had already left, shooting you one last longing glance along the way, a smile forming on his lips when he saw you laughing with his family. You eventually had to part from the brothers and head home to pack your own things, saying your goodbyes and then starting your short walk home.

»»——⍟——««

You didn’t expect that Tom would already be desperately missing you by the time it turned dark. But your computer ringing on your desk proved you wrong.

Seeing his contact name on your screen for a facetime call made your heart flutter, sitting down in your chair to answer his call. It was slightly glitchy for the first few seconds, just while it connected, but within a minute Tom’s pretty face was lighting up your screen.

“Missing me already, Holland?” you poked fun. You watched him roll his eyes, completely ignoring your comments. “Hi, angel,” he greeted.

You bit back a smile, tucking some loose hair behind your ear to try and tame it after you caught sight of the mess you looked like in the small box at the top of the screen.

“Hi, how was your drive?” you asked. You shuffled around a bit, trying to get comfortable in your now much more bare bedroom. You’d been packing your stuff for most of the day after you got home, so your hair was a complete mess that had just been thrown out of your face when you started getting too hot to have it in your face all the time. You had one of Tom’s many hoodies you’ve stolen clinging to your body, his scent surrounding you.

Just bringing the sleeve up to your nose was enough to make it feel like he was really with you right now and not just on a screen.

“It was long, very boring too,” he whined, running his hands through his curls. “I suppose my mum made it at least a little better.” You giggled, pouting playfully for him. “How awful.”

“I’m sorry I couldn’t help you pack,” he said, motioning to the boxes stacked behind you, a soft pout on his lips that just made you want to kiss him. He’d already told you he’d felt guilty that you helped pack for him, but he wasn’t there to do the same for you in return.

“S’okay, one more box and then I’m all ready to go in the morning anyway,” you reassured, motioning around your pretty much bare room with your arms.

“It looks so empty,” he commented, recalling in his head how nicely decorated it’d looked during his millions of visits. You nodded, frowning as you looked at your childhood room that held almost no kind of decoration on the walls.

“Anyway, let’s stop moping, I don’t want to cry again today,” you demanded, hearing a chuckle come from his end. He nodded his head, quickly changing the subject to something more positive.

You and Tom were talking for hours. In that time he showed you his new dorm room, and told you that he’d need your assistance at some point to help decorate, but it was more of an excuse to get you to come visit already. Your parents also made themselves known at one point, greeting your boyfriend and asking how everything was going so far. You kicked them out after a while, playfully irritated that they were hogging your boyfriend from you.

“Get out,” you said, trying to hide your little giggle. Tom was laughing on the other side, watching this all go down. “I am so sorry about them.” He was still giggling, making you smile and roll your eyes.

“I love them, don’t worry,” he reassured you. You huffed. “I’m pretty sure they love you more than me,” you told him. He shrugged his shoulders, flashing you a cheeky grin.

“I can’t really blame them.” You scoffed, shaking your head at him, feigning disappointment.

Over the course of the call you could see him growing more and more tired. His words would come out slightly more slurred, his movements slower and his eyes fluttering shut every few minutes, craving sleep desperately.

“Is it bad that I miss you already?” he asked, eyes drooping as if he was about to fall asleep any second. You smiled, watching him with a heavy heart.

“No,” you whispered, so gently Tom almost didn’t hear it. “But i told you so.”

Your lips twitched into a grin, hearing an unimpressed groan come from the other end. When the moment died down you took another long look at your boyfriend. “You should get some rest, looks like you’re going to fall asleep any second.” He hummed, smiling at you sleepily as he rested his chin on his hand.

The simple action, even after seeing it a hundred times, still made your stomach erupt with butterflies, yet another smile overtaking your features. You were sure that at this rate your face was going to end up hurting from smiling so much, but you suppose those are the kind of sacrifices you have to make when your boyfriend’s adorable.

“Goodnight Tom, I love you,” you said, your finger hovering over the end call button. You waited for his reply patiently, knowing his very sleepy mind often took longer to process things.

“G’night. Love you.” He nuzzled his face into the blanket you’d given him before he left. The one you normally take with you to sleep at his house, the one that smelled just like a mix of your shampoo and perfume.

It made Tom’s heart pang, but your smell also comforted him in a way he couldn’t explain in words. You took one last look at his sleepy face before ending the call with a small sigh.

You fell back on your bed, your eyes landing on the box of stuff that you had to finish up before you could head to bed, your body and mind screaming at you for not doing it earlier. You begrudgingly pushed yourself up, moving over to the wall of your room that held your photos of your friends and you.

You smiled as you looked through each one, some of friends and family, others with Tom or Tessa or the other Holland siblings that had built up over the years.

One specific picture caught your eye, one where you and Tom were happily slow dancing together at his cousin's wedding in late June of the same year. The memories from that night all came flooding back all at once, your heart overflowing with love and adoration for the male for the thousandth time today.

“Ow tom, you just stepped on my foot,” you whined, frowning at him. Instead of apologising like a normal person would’ve, your boyfriend instead chose to burst into laughter. You gawked at him, trying not to crack up yourself, trying to keep up your angry facade.

“I-i’m sorry-“ he wheezed. You started to giggle yourself due to his contagious laughter, shaking your head at how childish he was.

“That hurt. You’re heavy,” you laughed, “You’re such a dick,” you mumbled, your smile refusing to fade. Tom beamed unphased by your attempted insults, kissing your head and somehow pulling your body even closer to him.

“But you love me,” he whispered, his head tucking into your neck, placing another barely there kiss on the skin of your bare shoulder. You rested your cheek against the side of his head, fingers stroking the short hair at the nape of his neck, listening to the sound of him humming along to the song.

“Yeah, I do.”

You didn’t even know Nikki had snapped the picture until you were in the car with his family driving home that night. Tom had fallen asleep in the car, his head on your shoulder after one too many drinks, the boy taking much advantage of being over the legal drinking age for the first time.

His mother had grabbed your attention in the silence and showed you the beautiful picture on her camera, watching as your face twisted into one of delight. “Nikki, it’s beautiful,” you told her, being completely honest with yourself, you were in awe.

“Well, I thought you two were just completely adorable.” She smiled at you. The romantic aura had your heart melting, asking her if you could have a copy for yourself. She was more than happy to oblige and the next day she was handing you a physical copy of the image.

Now here you were, taking the picture down after only two or so months of having it up. You felt your eyes welling up again, wiping them with the back of your hand. “Damn it Tom, you cursed, chuckling to yourself over how obviously in love you were with this boy.

»»——⍟——««

Monday, 10th September

Tom's classes at uni were scheduled to start almost a week earlier than yours, which is why he had to leave home before you. Today was his first day of classes, he only had the one today but he had already promised to tell you about it as soon as it was over. He also knew that you should’ve arrived at your own campus this morning, making a mental note to ask you how it was going so far when he called you later.

Everything on your end was going well, you ended up driving there by yourself because your parents were unfortunately busy, but the unpacking process was coming along well.

Tom left his first drama class after the hour with a wide grin on his face. He'd just had arguably the best class of his life and he could barely contain his excitement long enough to wait to tell you about it. He pulled his phone out almost as soon as he stepped out of the classroom, stepping out of the way of the students piling out of the class. He pulled up your contact and hoped you weren’t too busy with unpacking your stuff, so he could talk to you while making the long journey back to his dorm.

Your loud ringtone filling the silence in your room interrupted your current task, shuffling over to see Tom's contact lighting up your screen the same as the night before. You knew you couldn’t be annoyed at his little interruption, especially because you’d already missed the sound of his voice so much and it’d only been a few hours at most.

“Goodmorning, angel.” You smiled as he greeted you, almost as soon as the line connected.

“You sound cheerful today,” you pointed out. You held the phone between your ear and your shoulder, putting the last of your books on the small wooden bookshelf in your room.

“I just had an amazing first class.”

“Well, I’m glad, tell me all about it,” you told him. He talked to you about his morning class for almost 20 minutes, rambling and gushing about how much he enjoyed it and everything that happened, down to a T. You couldn’t have been happier for him. After your long discussion, making sure you asked him lots of questions to give him the chance to let him give you every detail, he seemed to finally take a breath and turned the topic of conversation around. You ended up talking about you now, one of Tom’s favourite things to talk about as he’s told you tie and time again.

“How’s unpacking going?” he asked, finally arriving back in his own dorm. You heard him greet someone with a hello, furrowing your eyebrows in confusion. “Who was that?” you asked.

“My roommate,” he answered casually, like he hadn’t forgot to mention he ever even had one.

“You have a roommate, since when?” He paused and thought for a minute.

“Since I got the room I think, his name is Harrison,” he suddenly lowered his voice, cupping his mouth around the speaker of the phone, “He’s a bit of an arsehole though, I won’t lie.” You laughed loudly, glad you didn’t have your own roommate to share the small dorm with. You quickly got back on topic, Tom asking you even more questions.

“How are you settling in?” he asked, just as you had asked him last night.

“I'm okay, have some unpacking left to do, and classes don’t start until next week.” He hummed along with what you were saying, listening to every little word. “How’s the campus?”

“It's nice, but it’s lacking a certain pretty boy that I’m so used to seeing.” He awed, teasing you thoroughly about how sappy you were. You always got nervous when trying to flirt with your boyfriend, scared it wasn’t going to come out as smooth as you’d hoped.

“Shut up,” you said, trying to mask your embarrassment. He always managed to make you flustered when you talked about your feelings for him. He didn’t let it linger too long though, changing the subject as quickly as you’d moved on to it.

“So,” he started. “When do you think you could come help me decorate?” he asked, once again changing topics, this time however you were rather grateful he did.

“Need to see me in person already, Holland?” You turned the teasing around onto him, pausing what you were doing to give him your full attention.

“You know I do,” he said. You rolled your eyes when he didn’t end up nearly as embarrassed as you had just been. Sometimes his confidence in flirting really did infuriate you.

“No, but really, I want to see you. I miss your cute face,” he said, groaning towards the end of his sentence. You giggled, shaking your head. “Well, I have all this week that I can come down and see you,” you offered.

“How's Friday? You could stay the weekend, go back Sunday,” he suggested, “If that’s okay with you,” he added, not wanting to sound so demanding like he was forcing you to come.

“That sounds perfect, but check with your roommate, I don’t want to give him a reason to be more of a dick.” Tom laughed, nodding his head. “I appreciate that,” he chuckled. “and I will, don’t worry,” he promised.

There was a sudden, unintentional shift in the mood, the two of you becoming rather quiet as you both thought for a few moments. There was still the traces of your smiles on your lips, but they were quickly fading.

“How are we supposed to do this for so long?” you asked after the laughter completely died down, finally showcasing your worry to him that had been eating up at you practically since you got your college offers.

He smiled, shrugging his shoulders to himself as if it was obvious. “We’re Tom and Y/N, a fucking power couple, we got this,” he said, quoting something your school friends used to call you, all while calming your nerves about if your relationship would work long distance. “We had this discussion plenty of times before we left, I promise you, we’ll be okay.” You smiled, not that he could see.

“Good, because I'm not letting you go that easily mister.” He chuckled.

“I wouldn’t dream of letting you go either, you’re one of a kind Y/N.” You grinned, the two of you just basking in the knowledge of each other's presence.

“How did this get so cheesy so quick?” he asked, making you laugh.

“That’s just who you are,” you said.

You heard a childish scoff on the other end. “Am not.”

“You so are!” The two of you stayed on the call until you realised how much work you really had to do with your room. The boxes were still stacked up and unopened, you hadn’t even unpacked half yet.

“I appreciate your company, but I really need to get back to putting stuff away.” You didn’t really want to stop talking to him, but you couldn’t deny he was a massive distraction from your original task.

“Yeah of course, but I can't wait to see you Friday,” he said, making that giddy feeling linger in your chest. Butterflies were erupting in the pit of your stomach the more you thought about it.

“Me too, and we’ll have to plan when you can come down here sometime,” you said. “Unlike you, I have a room to myself,” you pointed out, having a slightly suggestive undertone to your words.

“I’ll remember that,” he paused, “Princess.”

You shivered, chills shooting down your spine, the nickname was something he would only use when the two of you were having, adult time.

“You bastard,” you said, referring to the way he said that with such ease, knowing it’d play on your mind for the rest of the day.

“Alright, well i’ll text you later,” he brushed it off, making his promise instead, hearing an ‘alright’ from you on the other end.

“I love you, Y/N.”

“I love you more, see you later Tom.” You ended the phone call with a fuzzy feeling all over your body, smiling to yourself, dazed. Tom was exactly the same all those miles away, laying back on his bed with a lovesick grin painted on to his face. You were both so in love, and so, so confident that your relationship would make it through this distance.

»»——⍟——««

Friday, 14th September

Friday thankfully came very quickly, something you were very, very happy about. Before setting off on your long, lonely journey, you pulled your phone out of your pocket to call Tom.

“Hello Thomas,” you greeted, unable to wipe your grin from your face. You were seeing your boy today.

“Hi beautiful, what’s up?” he asked, sounding rather out of breath. You furrowed your eyebrows. “Do you need an inhaler or something, or-“ you teased.

“I woke up late, I'm currently running across campus to my class.” You laughed at him, receiving an annoyed scoff from him.

“I just wanted to tell you I'm leaving now, I should probably be there just after lunch,” you said.

“That’s amazing, I’m sorry you’ve got to drive all that way alone though.” You shook your head, once again forgetting that he couldn’t see you.

“It’s okay, but I should let you get back to being late for your class, good luck,” you said.

“Thanks, very funny, I'll see you when you get here,” he said. You could practically hear the smile in his voice, even over his dog-like panting.

“See you later.” You hung up with a small squeal, a small smile staying glued on your face, even well into the drive after the conversation had ended.

You had to admit, the car ride was lonely by yourself, but it was also so worth it for Tom. It’d only been, not even two weeks, but you missed him greatly already and from what you’d heard from him, he felt exactly the same.

The silence in your car was filled with the sound of your different playlists playing through the speakers. Some were just from random playlists, others from the playlist that you and Tom seemed to most enjoy together.

You could feel your heart starting to beat faster, butterflies erupting in your stomach as you got closer and closer to your destination.

You sent him a quick text when you hit traffic just outside of the campus, telling him you’d be about 10 more minutes. You just received a simple smiley face in response. You and Tom both had your locations on for each other anyway, so he’d know when you arrived. It’d become a promise that you always would after one night when you’d been out with your friends getting drunk, and you’d gone a little bit too far.

You could barely even stand straight anymore, having already forgotten about a few drunken messages you’d sent to Tom before the last shot you’d taken. You were drawn out of your daze when you felt your phone buzzing against your leg, seeing Tom’s contact on your screen. You squealed like a little girl, answering his call with a slurred yell of his name.

“Where are you, baby?” he asked, concern laced all through the tone of his voice.

“ ‘M having fun with m-my-” he heard you huff, “I can’t find them.”

Tom’s eyes widened at the thought of you being alone and drunk in now an unknown location. He cursed under his breath, trying to think of a reasonable thing to do.

“Can you turn your location on for me, Y/N?”

You hummed, pulling the phone away from your ear. You tried to steady your vision, telling Tom that the room was spinning. It made things ten times more difficult, but you eventually managed to do it, alerting Tom with a cheer.

“I did it, Tommy,” you said, “Are you proud of me?” you sounded like a scared child, desperate to receive Tom’s validation.

“So proud of you, angel.”

Tom pulled up your location on his phone, noticing you were at a bar. He wasn’t sure how you’d managed to successfully get in underage, being only 17, but you managed.

“Can you stay where you are for me?” You nodded your head before realising he couldn’t see you. You giggled to yourself quietly before mumbling a quiet yes. Tom offered to stay on the phone with you but you told him you needed the bathroom, feeling as though you were going to throw up.

When Tom arrived, he had to ask the bouncer if he’d seen you, showing him a picture. The large man motioned to where you were sitting on the curb by yourself, shivering from the cold hitting your bare arms. He bent down beside you, reaching out to place his hand on your arm, shocked by how cold you were.

“Tommy,” you gushed, wrapping your arms around his neck, “By the way, I didn’t throw up,” you stated, almost as if you were proud of that achievement.

“That’s good, but let’s get you home.” He pulled off his jacket to wrap around your shoulders, helping you up off of the floor and guiding you to his car. You were heavily drunk but you weren’t completely out of it, so when Tom drove past your house, you began to whine at him.

“I’m not letting your parents see you like this, they’ll kill me and then you.”

You huffed like a child. “You’re too pretty to die.” Tom laughed, reaching over to grab your hand and press a kiss to your knuckles.

“Yeah?” “Yeah,” you sighed dreamily.

Tom helped you inside his house, making sure to avoid any creaks in the floorboards so he wouldn’t wake his family. He guided you up to his room and then started the process of being a good boyfriend. No matter how tired you were, he helped you change into some of his clothes, helped to take off your makeup and tied your hair up and then made you brush your teeth by yourself, even when you complained.

The last move was getting you under the covers off his bed, seeing you pass out almost as soon as your head hit the pillow. “Goodnight angel, you’re going to have a horrible hangover tomorrow.”

And true to Tom’s word, you woke up the next morning in his bed and clothes, your head pounding and only a faint memory of the previous night. Tom strutted into his room clad in only a pair of plain black joggers, his abdomen on full show.

“Ah, you’re finally awake.” He placed a glass of water and two pills down on the nightstand beside you, telling you to drink up so you could feel better. He filled you in on all the basic details and you just wanted his, ridiculously comfy bed, to swallow you whole.

“Maybe we should keep each other’s locations on from now on,” Tom suggested. You nodded, rubbing your side head and leaning into him. “I think that’d be a good idea.”

That’s how he knew you’d arrived in the campus car park. You had barely even stepped out of the car when he practically tackled you in a hug, taking you off-guard. You laughed loudly, wrapping your arms around his neck and nuzzling your nose into his cheek.

“I'm so glad you’re here,” he said, squeezing you tightly. You couldn’t push away your grin, your heart feeling like it was going to explode as you held your boy in your arms.

“I missed you bub,” you whispered, pulling back to kiss him. Your lips molded together perfectly, the two of you feeling as though you were complete again.

You weren’t sure you’d ever shared a kiss like this with Tom, and the two of you had shared lots of kisses. This one was different though, it felt like every moment of emotion from missing his person these past two weeks was being poured into this kiss and you loved it.

“Oi, Holland, cool it with the pda.” Tom turned his head, spotting one of the lads from his drama class and suddenly feeling embarrassed. You tried to turn his head to kiss you again, searching for his lips with yours and ignoring the obvious moron that interrupted you, but then huffing when he denied you. You followed his gaze, seeing a boy standing a few feet away.

“Who’s that?” You watched as he flipped him off jokingly, making some comment about how he at least had a girlfriend.

“That's Tuwaine, he’s in my drama class, met him the other day.” You nodded, smiling before turning back to look at your boyfriend.

“So, are you gonna show me to your dorm, or do we have to stay out in the cold?” you teased. He laughed, helping you take the bag you packed out of the back of your car and offering to carry it for you.

“Such a gentleman,” you commented.

“That I am,” he said, bowing playfully. You shared another round of laughter before you silently decided you really should get out of the cold weather.

“Lead the way, handsome.” He laced your fingers together, leading you in the direction of his building. You walked slowly, giving you both a chance to catch up. Over the small journey you’d shuffled closer to him, resting your head on his shoulder and wrapping your other hand around his arm.

“Right in here,” he said, guiding you through the door of his building. His hand resting comfortably on the small of your back. He unlocked the door to his room, opening it and like the gentleman he claimed he was, let you go first.

The two of you entered his dorm room, Tom holding out his arms and muttering a quiet ‘voila,’ making a show of it. You giggled at his behaviour, humming as you looked around at the messy and pretty much bare room.

“Very nice, it practically screams boy,” you pointed out, sending him a tormenting smile.

“Hey, hey, be nice.” He pointed his finger at you, scolding you teasingly.

“I’m always nice, whatever do you mean?” you smirked, playing dumb. He tossed your bag on his bed and pulled you in by your waist, he kissed you again, more passionate this time now it was without the interruption of the public eye. You gently pushed on his chest, ignoring his whine when he tried to follow your lips again, just as you had done earlier.

“I came here to help you decorate, not to sleep with you.” Tom rolled his eyes.

“We could do both,” he muttered. You tossed one of his pillows at him, seeing him raise his hands in defense.

You punched his shoulder lightly, kissing him quickly.

“Alright, let’s decorate,” you said, clapping your hands in front of you. Tom pulled out the boxes he had yet to unpack from his small wardrobe, handing you one that had pictures in it.

“Where do you want these?” you asked. He motioned to the wall next to his desk.

“Right there, so I can stare at your beautiful face when I don’t want to do my school work.” You giggled, nodding your head.

“Alright then, can’t argue with that.” You started pulling pictures out of the box, some of you two together, some of his family.

“Do you remember this?” you asked, holding one of the pictures of you both between the tips of your fingers. It was you and Tom at his family’s cabin in France, the one where they go skiing almost every year. You were both in big coats and snow trousers, trying to keep warm on the snowy mountain. You both had your ski goggles resting on your head, the two of you grinning widely. “Yeah, I do, he smiled, “That was such a great trip.”

“That reminds me, my mums been asking about if you’ll come again with us this year.” You smiled at the thought of Nikki thinking about you and wanting you to be around her family.

“I'd love to, I always have so much fun there,” you said, trying to be heartfelt and honest.

“Me too,” he winked, referring to the separate ‘fun’ you two always have right after midnight on new year's day, just to start the year off right.

“Behave,” you warned, pointing your finger at him.

“When's your roommate coming back?” you asked, changing the topic while stretching to put up another one of his pictures. He laughed, pressing his solid front to your back, cheekily nibbling on your neck.

“Why, something on your mind?” he asked, hinting at something else, squeezing your waist underneath his hands.

“No, stop that,” you scolded playfully, shaking your head at your boyfriend. “Just wanted to know if he’d have an issue with me being here, that’s all.” Tom hummed.

“He said he’d be fine with you being here, in his words ‘as long as he doesn’t have to hear us fuck,’ so.” You laughed, nodding your head.

“Well, he won’t have to worry about that,” you said, a cheeky smile on your lips. Tom pouted, however accepting your kiss as apology.

You spent the next few hours unpacking Tom's things, focusing more on hanging up some of his clothes on the racks he had, rather than the pictures you were doing earlier. At some point you did steal one of his hoodies, pulling it over your head just to have a sense of him close to you, even if he was already in the room with you, receiving the comment of, “Just can’t stand to be away from me, huh?” tugging at the material of the pink hoodie. “Shut up.”

After it went dark, you and Tom put off the rest of the decorating until tomorrow, not that there was much left to do anyway. You agreed on just watching movies for the rest of the night, calling for pizza. He got some extra too, to thank his roommate for letting you stay.

You spent what felt like forever searching for a film on your boyfriend’s laptop, finally settling on one that you and Tom both thought sounded good. The two of you sat together on his bed, your legs in his lap and his hand rubbing the scratchy fabric of your jeans.

“I’m starving,” you whined, burying your head in Tom's chest. Your stomach growled just to prove your point, making Tom laugh.

“It'll be here soon,” he reassured. A knock on the door made both of your heads perk up.

“That was good timing,” you joked. Tom jumped up from his bed, pulling some cash out of his wallet and opening the dorm door.

He frowned slightly when he saw his roommate.

“Forgot my key, sorry,” Tom nodded, seeing your face drop knowing you had to wait even longer for your food. “Someone did hand me this on the way in though, said it was for our room.” He held up 2 pizzas, a cheer coming from you that made Tom laugh. He handed them both to Tom. Tom however handed you one of the boxes, then the other one to the blonde male, who looked at him confused.

“This is actually for you.” He handed him the box of pizza, receiving a rather shocked thank you. “Just a thank you for letting Y/N stay,” he explained.

“This is Y/N by the way, Y/N this is Harrison,” he introduced. You smiled, waving to the blonde.

“You can join us if you’d like, we’re just watching a film,” you offered, just trying to be polite.

“No it’s okay, I’ll let you enjoy your time together, but thank you.” Tom smiled before making his way back over to you, climbing back into his bed behind you. He kissed your head, wrapping his arm around your waist and getting himself comfortable. Harrison put in his own set of headphones, watching something on his computer.

The movie dragged on, finding it growing harder and harder to keep your focus on it.

“Are you tired?” he asked. You hummed, turning your face over your shoulder to look at your boyfriend.

“We can finish the movie tomorrow,” he said. You thanked him, nuzzling your face in his chest and wrapping your arm around his stomach.

“Get ready for bed, I’ll pack this all away,” he said, motioning to the food and things on his bed and nightstand.

“Okay,” you mumbled, begrudgingly letting go of him and climbing out of his bed. You stretched your arms, your shirt riding up slightly and exposing the bottom of your stomach. Tom playfully jabbed you, making you squeal at the ticklish feeling.

“Stop,” you whined, slapping his hand away, pouting as he laughed at you. Tom kissed all over your face until you smiled, getting rid of your pout.

You grabbed your bag off of the floor, sticking your tongue out at your boyfriend childishly. You headed to the attached bathroom to change. You changed out of your current outfit, putting on some comfortable shorts to sleep in that you’d brought with you and then leaving on Tom's hoodie that you stole earlier. You put your hair up, just so it wouldn’t get in your face, tying it in a messy ponytail at the crown of your head.

“Y/N, are you decent?” Tom asked. You furrowed your eyebrows, opening the door for him.

“What’s up?” you asked, pulling your makeup remover out of your bag.

“I need to brush my teeth,” he said. You nodded, shifting to give him enough room by the sink as you began to take off your makeup. He watched you like a hawk the entire time, following your hand movements with every gentle swipe of the cotton pad on your face.

“What are you looking at?” you asked, causing him to snap out of his slight, dreamy daze.

“You’re just so pretty.” You huffed, shoving his shoulder.

“Stop being such a sap,” you commented.

“Only for you,” he teased, sending you a wink through the mirror.

Halfway through him brushing his own teeth, you began to brush yours. Playfully bouncing your hip against his own to push him out of the way of the sink. He stumbled and you let out a muffled giggle, watching him glare at you.

“Oh it’s on, I'll get you back,” he promised, receiving a teasing ‘oo’ from you.

After spitting in the sink, he flashed you a toothy grin through the mirror, one that made you giggle. Now that he had nothing left to do, he moved over to start bothering you, wrapping his arms around your waist and gently prodding your stomach to try and tickle you and get you to laugh.

“Tom,” you scolded, trying to focus on brushing your teeth.

“Hurry up, I wanna go to bed,” he whined, sounding almost like a pouty child. You finished up brushing your teeth, holding your hair back as you spit your toothpaste into the sink.

You wiped your mouth with the towel and then turned to Tom with a smile. He playfully pinched your cheeks, telling you you looked cute.

“Okay, I’m done,” you said, slapping his hands away. He placed his hand on the small of your back, guiding you out of the bathroom.

Upon entering his room again, you saw that he’d actually cleaned up his mess for once, receiving a proud, but sarcastic, clap from you. He caught on, telling you to behave.

“Come on, get in.” He pointed to his bed, letting you get in first. His bed was barely bigger than a single, so the two of you had to cramp together, not that either of you would ever complain. He climbed in after you did, pulling you back into his chest and burying his face in your hair.

“You smell really good.” You giggled tiredly at his comment, eyes fluttering shut.

“Thank you bubba, now go to sleep.” He turned off the light above his head, kissing your neck and closing his eyes.

“Goodnight,” he mumbled.

“G’night Tommy.”

You had to admit to him, his bed was almost as comfy as sleeping on a cloud- not that you’d know what that’s like, but still. It was possibly the best night's sleep you’d had in months, and you weren’t sure if it was because of the bed or because you were back in Tom’s strong arms. When you woke up though you were alone in the bed, looking around to find you were alone in the room too, Harrison’s bed already having been neatly made.

The door opened right on time and Tom strolled in. He noticed you were awake and flashed you one of his charming smiles.

“Good morning,” he greeted. You stretched your arms above your head, making a soft noise that almost made Tom melt in his converse.

“Morning,” you smiled, pulling his covers up so they were right underneath your chin. Tom thought you looked so precious, pulling out his phone to snap a quick picture of you, even after you protested against it.

He leaned down, kissing you gently.

“I went and got us some breakfast.” You pushed yourself into a sitting position, thanking him quietly. You ate together, making happy conversation. Tom asked about how you slept and also admitted he slept better with you in his arms. He basically forced you out of bed, after you refused to leave the warmth.

“Let’s finish decorating and then we have the rest of the day to spend together, doing whatever you want,” he said. “I like the sound of that.”

The rest of the weekend after that went by quicker than you would’ve liked. It felt like only hours before Tom was walking you to your car, ready to say goodbye to you again.

“I hate this,” you whined.

“Me too,” he mumbled. “I'll come and see you soon though, I promise,” he said, squeezing you tightly before opening your car door for you.

“Such a gentleman,” you teased, referencing the moment when you arrived a few days ago, kissing his lips.

“I’ll see you as soon as I can,” he repeated.

“I love you,” you muttered, running your fingers through his untamed curls.

“I love you more.” He kissed you one more time. You climbed into your car, waving to him through the window as you started up the engine. You sighed as you drove out of the gates of the campus, not really ready to start your long journey back to your own.

»»——⍟——««

Friday, 18th November

Unluckily for you and Tom, ‘soon’ ended up being almost a whole two months later. Tom was so busy with schoolwork that just kept piling up and by the time he was free, you were busy. The cycle kept repeating and it was horrible. You missed your boyfriend greatly and you were hoping he missed you just as much as he said he did.

Tom had arrived at your campus early in the morning, at a time you wished you didn’t have to be awake, just so he could spend longer with you. At least you could appreciate the gesture, even if you were losing out on sleep.

“And this is where the magic happens,” you said, opening the door to your dorm and guiding him in. He chuckled, kissing your head.

“What kind of magic?” he asked, an underlying dirty meaning to his question.

“Shut up.” you flushed.

“I can’t believe I haven’t been able to touch you in almost two months,” he whined, his boyish attitude dissolving and being replaced by your whiny, adorable boyfriend, nuzzling his face in your neck.

“I know,” you said, getting completely distracted by running your fingers through the overgrown curls that were peeking out from underneath his cap. You thought it was adorable, but you knew he’d grow to hate it soon enough. “You need a haircut,” you mumbled, pressing a kiss to his temple.

“I think I like it longer,” he said as you pulled off his cap, tugging at the long strands of dark hair. Tom stared at you as you did so, watching how fascinated you seemed to be with his hair. He couldn’t help leaning in, connecting his lips with yours.

“Uh-uh, not now,” you told him. “Later, baby.”

He huffed, pulling your lip between his teeth, running his hands up and down your body.

“Come on, you can decide if you like my hair longer.” His sentence had an underlying tone of lust to it, just like his earlier comment had too, trying to hint at a very non-pg act the two of you could be doing right now.

“Nope, later though, I promise.” He whined, throwing his head back. You bit back a grin, taking in the way his jaw looked sharp and very much attractive from this angle.

“Well, get dressed handsome, I’m taking you to dinner.” He lowered his head and looked at you with a smile, kissing you softly. “Are you trying to woo me, now?”

“Of course, now put on something pretty and let’s go, I need my arm candy.” You slapped his butt playfully, moving over to your wardrobe to pull out a slightly raunchy dress. Tom recognised the fabric instantly, one he’d seen time and time again that made him go wild.

“That’s what you’re wearing?” he asked, in a state of shock just imagining you in the material.

“Got a problem with that, Holland?” you asked. He rapidly shook his head, unsure if you were joking or not. “Good, now if you don’t mind, I’m going to go change.” You made your way into your bathroom, changing into the risky dress without any more interruptions from your boyfriend. 

You took your time getting ready, wanting to make Tom wait just to build up even more anticipation.

“Y/N, hurry up,” he whined. “I want to see you, already,” he complained, whining like a child on Christmas who didn’t get the toy they wanted. You opened the bathroom door slowly, leaning against the frame, staring at him innocently.

“Oh wow, you look incredible,” he said, getting up from his seat on your bed to shuffle over to you, sliding his hands around your waist. You made eye contact with him through the mirror, giving him a seductive smile that had his hands wandering around your body.

“How is my girlfriend so attractive?” he asked. You giggled, leaning back into his touch.

“We need to go, we don’t want to be late,” you said, dodging having to respond to the compliment that made you feel all warm inside, taking his hand and your purse and leading him out of the door.

Tom was in awe of the restaurant when you arrived, he didn’t realise you were taking him somewhere this fancy. “This place is really nice,” Tom said, looking around the restaurant. His hand clinged to your waist nervously as you told the hostess about your reservation. He wasn’t sure he’d ever been somewhere this nice that hadn’t been some sort of family function, so he felt like royalty right now.

“Are you trying to bankrupt me?” he asked, poking your stomach. You slapped his hand away, turning your attention back to the woman.

“This is my treat, come on.” You snapped him out of his daze, guiding him with you to your table. He pulled your chair out for you, kissing your head and almost daring you to make the gentleman joke again.

“You know I’m not letting you pay for this, right?” he asked. You stared at him with a furrowed brow. “Why not?”

He rolled his eyes. “I’m visiting you, let me spoil my girl.” He changed the topic of conversation before you got the chance to object.

“I’m so glad we got to do this,” he said. You shook your head, a grin growing on your face. You couldn’t lie though, you were happy to see him in real life again.

“Me too, I know we say this like every day,” you laughed. “But I really missed you Tom.” 

He leaned over the table, kissing you gently before sitting back down in his own seat. You went straight for and picked up the drinks menu, making Tom laugh and shake his head. “Already on the alcohol.” 

“Oh hush.” You scanned the list of wines, finding one that you and Tom had purchased before on a special occasion. You pointed to the name, seeing the cheeky grin spread across his face.

“I remember that night,” he chuckled. “How many rounds- I’m sorry I mean bottles, did we have that night?” Your jaw dropped, giggling at his false cover up. You shook your head.

“We’re in public, stop being inappropriate,” you warned. He shot you a wink, making your whole body flush for the thousandth time since he’d got here this morning.

“Hi, are you ready to order?” the waitress asked, glancing between you two and interrupting your reminiscence into the past. Tom looked up at her with a smile, her eyes widening.

“Could we just have a bottle of red wine for now, please,” he pointed to the one you meant. She nodded, trying to give him a flirty smile that made you snicker. She glared at you, timidly touching Tom’s shoulder before walking away.

“What was that?” you asked, a playful smirk that told Tom you weren’t mad at him.

“You can’t blame me, I’m just that irresistible.”

Her antics continued for most of the night, and you were growing more and more frustrated with how she was blatantly ignoring you to flirt with your boyfriend.

“If she flirts with you one more time, I won’t hesitate to knock over my wine on her,” you threatened, seeing Tom’s lips twitch into a smile. 

“Are you jealous?” he asked, intertwining your fingers on the table. He raised his free hand in defense when you glared at him. 

“Shut up.” You kicked him gently as a warning, seeing the wince cross Tom’s face.

“But not the red wine, you know that’ll stain,” he continued to tease, sarcasm lacing his words. You huffed, flipping him off. Tom didn’t let up on teasing you about your spontaneous hatred for the waitress all night. When she brought out your food he couldn’t help but make a few sly comments in response to her flirting.

“Do you want to try some?” he asked, holding his fork to you. He was trying to make up for pissing you off. You nodded, taking the food off of his fork with a hum.

“That’s really good.” He nodded, taking a sip of his wine. 

“Do you want to try some of mine?” You offered, doing the same for him as he’d done for you. He took it with a thank you, telling you he really liked it. Your food didn’t last long, you were both starving and it was exceptionally good.

You and Tom grew more and more tipsy as the night went on. You began to flirt with him some more too. You’d forgotten how much you enjoyed spending time with Tom.

“Oh here she comes,” you scoffed, rolling your eyes. Tom laughed, squeezing your hand in his.

“Do you need anything else?” she asked, her flirty gaze focused on Tom. You rolled your eyes, teasing your heel up his thigh under the table as you sipped on your drink. He coughed nervously, trying to ignore how close your foot was to his crotch.

“C-can we get another bottle of wine, please?” She nodded, leaving you both as you were.

“Spoiling me today are we?” you teased. He laughed, nodding his head. “Always, gorgeous.”

After your second bottle you didn’t waste much more time at the restaurant after paying the rather pricey bill, calling a taxi to take you back to the campus.

You could barely even stand straight by the time you were pushed up against your dorm room door. Your hands were working on unlocking it, struggling with the way his lips were attacking your neck and shoulders. You still weren’t wasted, but you could definitely feel the alcohol in your system, making everything feel lighter and Tom’s touch even more amplified than normal.

“So, when’s your roommate coming back?” he joked. You giggled quietly, throwing your jacket somewhere in the room. 

“Very funny, now shut up and just get in my bed.” He laughed loudly, picking you up by your thighs. You wrapped your legs around his waist, grinning up at him when he dropped you back on your bed. “Get ready for the night of your life,” he whispered, attaching his lips to your neck.

“I’ve been ready.” 

»»——⍟——««

Wednesday, 3rd April

As the months went by, the visits became less frequent, finding it increasingly more difficult to find time to actually physically go and see each other. Rather than at least once every two weeks, it started to be once in a while, and then eventually you wouldn’t see each other until the trip over Easter break. 

You both tried to call as much as you could, but you eventually started missing each other's calls more and more. It got to the point where you could not talk to each other for a minimum of 3 days, with the exception of a quick text in a morning or just before you went to sleep and the occasional voicemail.

It felt like everyday one of you was waking up to the notification of a missed call on your phone, followed by the message you’d received a voicemail. They all went the same way, a greeting, making some kind of light hearted joke that you’d manage to plan badly again, a simple i love you and then a call me when you get this.

When Easter time finally rolled around, painfully slowly, you and Tom were able to organise a time when the both of you would be free so you could plan the trip you wanted to take together.

The familiar sound of your ringtone blared through your dorm room, a small smile creeping onto your lips when you saw Tom’s contact picture lighting up your phone. The picture was an old one you’d taken of his a few years ago, reminding you that you should probably update it soon with a more recent one, that is if you had one.

“Hey, Tom,” you said, greeting him sweetly. You got a hello back, followed by a rather uncomfortable silence that the two of you had never experienced before. “So, um, where are you thinking we should go?” 

The man on the other end was biting his lip nervously, not sure if you’d like the sound of his idea or not, but this also had never happened before, so what was he supposed to do? He always came up with ideas you loved.

“I was thinking we could go to this cabin I found, really pretty view, um-“ He hated that he was unable to see your face right now, not able to see what kind of reaction you were giving off to his words. “You can say no of course, but I thought it’d be nice.” His voice trailed off towards the end and he spoke much quieter, almost like he was scared to hear your answer.

“That sounds really nice. I’d love to.” You could hear him let out a sigh of relief, the man feeling as though a weight had been lifted off of his chest.

“Great. I’ll make sure to call the place.” “I can’t wait.” 

When the day of your trip rolled around you were nervous. You hadn’t seen your boyfriend in forever and you weren’t sure if things were automatically going to jump back to the way they’d been, even if you were hoping they were.

Your eyes landed on Tom with a smile, the man opening his arms to you for a hug. You had no problem practically jumping at him, wrapping your arms around his neck tightly while his snaked around your waist to hold your body close.

“I missed you, so much,” he whispered, his nose buried in your neck to take you all in. You agreed silently, pulling back to be able to press your lips onto his sweetly, sharing your first kiss in months.

Tom had been generous enough to pick you up from your campus and then drive you both down to the cabin, rather than you having to drive yourself. The car ride was full of the stories you hadn’t been able to tell each other yet, filling what would’ve been an awkward silence.

You were more than happy to be back with him, and little did you know he felt the exact same.

However, it felt like for the first few days of the week that you weren’t really there. Of course you and Tom were both physically there but it felt like you were sending longing gazes and looks from a distance rather than really feeling that natural spark between you both.

You’d be sitting on the couch in the cabin, both of you in silence as you watched any random movie that played on the TV in front of you. Normally the two of you would be making constant unnecessary commentary throughout the duration, but here you were, sitting stiffly next to your boyfriend.

“What is wrong with us?” Tom asked. You turned your head, furrowing your eyebrows at the pretty boy who was staring right back at you with those puppy eyes. 

“What do you mean?” you asked. You had an idea that he was talking about the atmosphere between you both.

“This is so awkward, we- we’re usually so natural and us,” he complained. You sighed, leaning your head on his shoulder with the first display of affection that night.

“Yeah, I know. We’re probably just out of practice, right?” you suggested. You didn’t want to believe that your relationship could be going downhill, you were Y/N and Tom, that couldn’t possibly happen. “We’ve got this Tom, we’re still us.” 

That short conversation seemed to have worked. Over the next few days, and the last few remaining days of your trip, you and Tom were practically back to your normal ways. Your affection and love was able to come naturally again, calming all your racing thoughts about the pair of you drifting apart.

Unlike the past few days, now you’d be in the kitchen cooking, laughing and making jokes while having mini food fights. Or you’d be getting ready for bed, brushing your teeth when Tom would wrap his arms around you from behind and start placing kisses up and down your neck, making you flush and giggle sweetly. You spent your mornings sharing sweet words and kisses that made you completely weak for the man, and even thinking about giving it up again for who knows how long brought you physical sadness.

When it came to the time you had to leave you were obviously sad, more than you thought you’d be when this week began. You and Tom had almost managed to rebuild your relationship to the strength it once was, so now it was hurting just as much as the first time he left on that Friday in September.

He drove you back to your campus in mainly silence, the two of you keeping your fingers interlocked while he drove, soft music playing over the radio in the background. 

“How much longer?” you asked, hoping to have at least a little longer with him. He flashed you a small smile. “Under twenty minutes.” 

You sighed, feeling him squeeze your hand in response while his eyes stayed fixated on the road.

In a very short twenty minutes Tom was pulling into the College, parking quickly and turning off the car. The two of you just sat there for a minute, not saying anything but at the same time saying everything that needed to be said.

“Well, I guess this is it,” you said, turning to him with a sad smile. He nodded his head, lifting your hand from where it rested in your lap to place a gentle kiss on the back of it.

“‘m gonna miss you,” he whispered, leaning forward to rest his forehead comfortably against yours. You hummed, quickly pecking his lips.

“Don’t forget to call me, Holland,” you warned, pointing your finger at him playfully.

“Wouldn’t even dream of it.”

»»——⍟——««

Sunday, 29th May

By the time June was about to roll around you hadn’t seen Tom in almost two months.

He never did call, and the calls you left for him only ended up being missed. Everything had gone back to the way it was before. Almost two whole months. You still had faith in him, and almost everyday you’d wait to see if he’d call. Most of your calls to him would go straight to voicemail, so you simply gave up on putting in the effort.

It was the same routine everyday. Wake up, go to class, wait for Tom’s call, give up. Today was slightly different because you had plans for the night. You tried to wait as long as you could in your dorm to see if Tom would call, but when the clock hit six you gave up.

Some girls you’d begun to be friends with from your History class had invited you to a party they were going to, so to take your mind off your boyfriend not calling, you agreed to go. You did some light makeup, curling your hair like you knew Tom liked, then slipped on a black dress that would’ve made him drool.

You snapped a few pictures, some of just your face but then others of you in your dress too, debating on whether or not you wanted to post them to your account where Tom would definitely see. 

After staring at them for probably way too long, you gave in and did it anyway. You smiled as your friends gave nice comments, waiting to see absolutely anything from your boyfriend.

A sudden knock on your dorm door startled you away from your entrancement with your phone, opening it to see your new friends with large smiles. They held up a bottle of alcohol that would no doubt be for pre-drinks, making you laugh. You ignored their attempts at trying to get you to do a shot, telling them you were waiting on something from Tom. 

“Are you ready to go yet?” one of them asked. You sighed sadly and nodded.

“Let me just grab my purse,” you said, you walked back over to your bed, checking your phone one last time with a sigh, still nothing. 

“Alright, let’s go.” You smiled, closing your door behind you and heading off to the party to forget. You laughed together along the way, internally grateful for them trying to take your mind off your boyfriend.

But even in the party atmosphere, after they’d gone to get drinks or find someone to hook up with, you struggled to tear your eyes away from your phone. 

“Y/N, I don’t want to see this phone again,” Lainey said, holding two drinks in her hands. You were guessing she was already tipsy.

“Hey, fuck him okay? He’s the one missing out.” You giggled, thanking her and nodding. You put your phone in your bag out of sight and took the drink from her outstretched hand.

“Now, let’s party,” she announced, dragging you into the crowd of people where you’d end up being for the remainder of the night.

When you finally got back to your dorm after the party, it was the first time you checked your phone in hours. You saw a couple missed calls from Tom, as well as a voicemail. Your excitement from the night faded and your heart clenched, frowning that you’d missed him again. Even when you were waiting for any sign of contact from him, you weren’t expecting him to call you today and now you just felt guilty for mentally cursing him out earlier on.

You played the voicemail on speaker as you were taking your makeup off. The sound of Tom’s voice still made you feel all warm inside, even when you were mad at him, and you were addicted to the feeling.

“Hi beautiful, looks like I missed you again.” He laughed. “We really need to get better time management.” You nodded your head with a smile, agreeing. “I just wanted to hear your voice, I had a pretty shitty day and uh, yeah,” he paused. After hearing that you were able to hear the obvious signs of sadness lingering in his tone. “I saw your post by the way, you looked gorgeous, I hope wherever you went you had fun.” It was quiet for a few seconds.

“Call me when you get this, I love you.” 

Your heart ached, you didn’t know he’d had such a bad day. You planned on calling him back straight away, but upon noticing the time and realising that at three in the morning Tom would most likely be asleep, especially due to him having classes in the morning, you didn’t have much faith in him answering.

Just as you suspected, the call almost straight away went to voicemail, telling you to leave your message after the beep.

“Hey Tom, I’m so sorry I missed your call,” you started. “I-I was at this party and just got so caught up in it all, I didn’t even see my phone ring,” you paused, the line going silent again.

You knew when he listened to this voicemail that he’d hear how happy you sounded talking about the party. For now you knew you needed to say something else before the line cut you off.

“Well, I’m really sorry your day was bad. Call me back, I want to hear what happened, ‘nd know what I can do,” you told him. “I love you tom.”

Your eyes wouldn’t let you stay awake much longer after that. Letting you change into comfier clothes before you passed out for the night.

The next morning was a Monday, and you had absolutely nothing to do all day due to having no classes. You woke up earlier than you would’ve liked, having a quick snack for breakfast and then climbing back into your warm bed.

You pulled out one of the books Tom had bought you over Christmas, smiling as you traced the hardback cover. You could still vividly remember how happy you were the moment he’d given it to you.

“So I know I already got you something,” he stated, grabbing the wrapped book from out of his suitcase, “but I also know how much you’ve been wanting this.”

He placed the present in your hands. You thought it felt quite heavy, beginning to tear away the wrapping paper until the mystery was revealed. Your eyes widened as you read the front cover, over and over, just to make sure your eyes weren’t deceiving you. It was the same book that you’d been trying to find since its release, however it’d been sold out everywhere and you’d complained to your boyfriend countless times.

“Tom, oh my god,” you gasped, staring at him in shock, “How did you get this?”

“I have my ways.” His lips curved into a smirk and you pulled him into a tight hug, practically suffocating him.

“Thank you, you angel.” You kissed him softly, but it was a kiss that was filled with so much passion and adoration that it made your head spin. “You’re perfect.”

“I’m guessing this means you like it?” he teased. You rapidly nodded your head, even if he was being sarcastic.

“I adore you.”

You were engrossed with reading it for the next hour or so, a soft smile on your face as you got lost in the storyline. It was arguably unlike anything you’d ever read and you absolutely loved it.

The loud, blaring noise of your ringtone filled the silence in your room, making your heart leap, alerting you of an incoming phone call. You reached over to your nightstand, picking it up and glancing at the caller ID.

Seeing Tom’s name splayed across the screen made you smile, bringing the phone up to your ear after answering.

“Hi Tommy, I wasn’t expecting to hear from you today,” you said, smile wide as you answered the call. “I was just reading the book you got me for that one Christmas, d’you remember?” You heard him clear his throat, taking a deep breath before he spoke.

“I think we should talk.” Your heart dropped, smile falling from your face, putting down your book and sitting up straighter because he definitely didn’t sound happy.

“What?” you asked, following with a nervous laugh. It probably wasn’t what you thought it was right? It was just a harmless phone call. “Where is this coming from?”

Tom felt vulnerable. He was never one who was amazing at having deep conversations where he’d wear his heart on his sleeve. And he was positively in love with you, so this was torture. “I never talk to you anymore- We never talk anymore. You’re always out having fun and I-I feel like you don’t want to be with me now.” You frowned, tears beginning to cloud your eyes at his confession. You weren’t even aware he felt like that until now. You were glad he’d told you, but your heart ached at the idea of you making him feel like this unintentionally.

“Tom, I love you, with my whole heart and I-“ You heard his shaky breath and quiet sniffle down the phone line, your heart breaking at the sign he’d been crying- or maybe even still was. “Tom.” 

“No, I, it’s breaking my heart Y/N,” he cleared his throat. “I just-“ he stopped talking, sighing loudly. He was starting to get frustrated with himself. He didn’t know how to confess his feelings and it felt to him as though he was making it harder. 

You weren’t able to process what was happening right now. Your thoughts were running wild and you were scared to death that he was about to break your heart, something he promised he wouldn’t do when you started dating. As cliche as it sounds, you thought he was it for you. You weren’t able to picture anyone else in your life besides Tom, and even though you were young, you were certain this would be endgame.

You were crying now too, tears racing down your cheeks, dripping from your chin to your lap as you sniffled. You whimpered his name into the phone, prepared to fix this and fight for your relationship, you couldn’t lose him like this, not this easy. Part of you was hurting for him, you felt utter sympathy for what you’d been putting him through, you wish he���d told you sooner so you could’ve tried harder. But, another part of you was angry at him, for springing this onto you so suddenly, for doing it over the phone and for being so selfish.

“What are you saying?” you asked, your voice coming out weak and filled with obvious desperation. “Tom, please, I can’t lose you.”

There was a few moments of silence. A few hours away from you Tom was sitting alone in his dorm room. At least he thought he was alone. For the entirety of the phone call Harrison had been standing outside of their dorm room. He was about to enter when he heard Tom talking on the phone, not wanting to interrupt he decided to wait, but the course of the call clearly took a turn from the usual lovey-dovey conversations he overheard.

Tom had his knees pulled up to his chest, his head leaning back against the wall and his bottom lip tugged between his teeth as he played out all the things that could happen from now on in the call.

He was evidently stressed, tears streaked across his cheeks as he took shaky breaths to push down his sobs. “I-I think we should talk about this another time,” he said, the sound of a small sniffle following down the phone. You squeezed your eyes shut, more tears spilling down your cheeks.

You didn’t know what that meant. Did he want to break up? Did he want to fix things? When was another time? There were so many questions floating around unanswered and you wanted to scream at him for leaving things so open ended.

“I-I don’t understand. We can figure this out- Please.” Your voice broke towards the end, showing your pain through to the man who was struggling to hold back all of his emotions. 

He hated knowing he’d put you in pain but his own heart was hurting too, and it was almost like part of his resented you for that.

He gave up a little bit, deciding he couldn’t do this anymore, not today. “I’ll call you some other time Y/N. Goodbye.” You let out a sob as the line went silent. 

Tom, for one, hadn’t told you he loved you when ending the call, and two, he’d said goodbye. The one thing you promised that you wouldn’t say to each other while you were gone, a promise you made on the very first day he left. It was always, see you later, and now you didn’t know where you both stood.

When Harrison heard the call ended he took it as his chance to enter his room, only to find Tom with his head buried in his hands as he tried to muffle his heartbroken cries.

“Hey, man.” The brunette looked up nervously, furiously wiping his eyes and trying to pretend as though he hadn’t just been bawling his eyes out. “You okay?” he asked. 

Tom wasn’t an idiot. He knew he looked a mess, he knew Harrison noticed, and he didn’t particularly feel up to lying right now. He just needed a friend.

“No,” he answered honestly. Harrison frowned, taking a seat next to Tom on his bed. The two hadn’t been that close since becoming roommates, but were much closer than when they’d first met.

Harrison pulled Tom close to him in a friendly hug. He hadn’t quite been through a breakup so he didn’t know what to say to Tom to help him, but for Tom this was enough.

“Things will get better, I promise.” He shook his head, almost laughing at how ridiculous his roommate sounded right now.

“I don’t think they will. Not anymore.” 

»»——⍟——««

Thursday, 3rd June

It got to the point where you hadn’t heard from Tom in four days. You were almost sure it was over at this point if he didn’t call you soon. You’d tried calling him of course, left countless voicemails and texts, as well as the ones to wish him a happy birthday, something you were rather upset you missed.

You’d barely left your bed in days, it felt like you were too heartbroken to even move. Little did you know Tom was exactly the same. He’d overthought everything he’d done, refusing to speak to anyone but Harrison, who was only making sure he still ate and drank, meaning he missed lots of messages and calls on his birthday.

With a lot of persuading and guilt tripping from his roommate he finally decided to do something about it. “You need to talk to her, mate. Don’t let this ruin everything you have.” 

After that he showered for the first time in days, which Harrison was very grateful for, and got dressed and was ready to head out with one last burst of reassurance to himself.

When you heard the knock on your dorm door you didn’t even consider moving to see who it was, choosing instead to keep ignoring the world like you’d been doing for the last near week. You’d ignored pretty much everyone that had tried to see if you were still alive this week, messages from friends included.

It was only when the knocking became more urgent that you started to get frustrated. Normally after a few short minutes your friends would give up and just leave, but this only seemed to be carrying on.

You groaned, wiping your dried tears and pushing yourself out of bed begrudgingly. You didn’t care that you looked like a mess anymore, so you didn’t care that this person, whoever it was, was going to see you like this. 

You pulled open the door open rather angrily, your eyes widening in shock when you saw Tom standing there with a bag on his shoulder, looking almost as broken as you did, but possibly more cleaned up as he’d actually made an effort.

You didn’t know how to react at first. You didn’t know where the two of you currently stood and you didn’t want to push his boundaries, but seeing him standing there told you he was ready to fix this. When he flashed you a small smile you didn’t waste another second, nearly flinging yourself into his arms, almost crushing whatever it was he was holding.

“Oh, thank god,” you cried, wrapping your arms around his torso. You were scared he wouldn’t hug you back at first, confirming what you thought about your relationship truly being over. That wasn’t the case though. Tom wrapped his free arm around your shoulders, squeezing you tightly in his grasp, his hand drifting to the back of your head to keep you tight against him.

The two of you thrived being in each other’s touch again after so long without it, feeling as though your heart was finally mended again. 

You were reluctant to pull away. However, you unfortunately had to at some point. You led him inside your room, trying to quickly tidy at least a little bit of your mess that had collected over the past few days, even if that meant just making your bed for you both to sit on.

Tom set whatever had been in his hands down on your desk and then placed his bag on your floor before sitting down next to you on your bed, finally letting you see the mini cake he’d brought with him. You felt your heart flutter, the idea that he still wanted to be able to celebrate his birthday with you was too precious for you to handle.

You didn’t talk for a few minutes, messing with the sleeves on your jumper that was probably Tom’s as you waited for him to talk.

“Y/N,” he said, watching as you raised your head to look at him. “C’mere.”

He opened his arms for you, not feeling physically close enough to you as he wanted to be. He helped you crawl into his lap, your legs thrown over his while your face tucked into his neck. His hand rubbed up and down your back when he felt the way you were shaking slightly.

You were trying to string together the sentence of words you wanted to say to him but for some reason it was just too emotional for you.

“I-I was so scared Tommy,” you admitted. “I didn’t want us to be over,” you cried.

Tom hated seeing you like this, knowing that he’d been putting you through this for days without returning your calls or messages, even if he was no better on the other side of the phone. He shook his head, cupping your cheeks and making you look at him so he knew his words would sink in. He gently wiped away your tears, even if they just kept on coming.

“I would never, I promise,” he said. “I could never let you go that easily, not without trying to make it right. I’m sorry for putting you through that.” You smiled, for the first time in days.

“Good, you’re too hot to leave me,” you teased. He chuckled, shaking his head at you. “I’m sorry too, by the way. I didn’t know I was hurting you.” 

It fascinated you that all you needed was to apologise and pretty much all was forgiven. Things clearly weren’t going back to normal straight away but you were glad you were able to at a minimum not break up.

The whole moment felt like something from a movie. Tom was looking so lovingly into your eyes, silently pouring all his love for you in the simple action of holding you while his thumb stroked your cheekbone. You looked back with an exact reflection of his own emotions, your heart feeling as though it was mending everything that had broken it this past week.

Tom took the moment to lean down to kiss you, his lips curving into a frown when you turned your head for his lips to meet your cheek.

“Why can’t I kiss you?” he whined. He looked like a scolded puppy, his expression bringing a smile to your lips. Your expression changed though when you remembered why you didn’t let him kiss you, letting out a huff that twisted into a frown. Tom gently kissed away the crease that had formed between your brows, your face heating up at the simple gesture of love.

“You said goodbye,” you said, hitting his chest lightly. He cocked his head in confusion. “What?” he asked, innocence lacing his tone.

“On the phone. You said goodbye, and you told me we wouldn’t do that.” 

He could tell you were getting worked up again, his hands coming up to wipe any stray tears that fell. “Oh bub, I’m sorry. I’m an idiot for doing that over the phone,” he apologised, tucking a few loose strands of hair behind your ear to keep it out of your eyes.

You smiled at him, letting him think you’d forgiven him enough to finally let him kiss your lips. He leaned in again, only inches away this time when you pulled your head back, giggling quietly to yourself as he let out an audible groan.

“Now what?” he asked.

“You need to tell me what that cake is for first,” you grinned. He rolled his eyes, reaching over as much as he could to grab it from your desk.

“I thought, seeing as we missed my birthday, we could celebrate together a little late.” 

Your heart melted as he confirmed your thoughts. You rested your head against his shoulder, letting out a sigh as you allowed your eyes to close for a few seconds.

“I missed you,” you mumbled. It was something the two of you said a lot, but even then every time was just as true as the next. He hummed quietly, kissing the top of your head lovingly.

“I know, I missed you too.” You gave in this time when he gently guided your chin so you were looking up at him, letting him press his lips to yours gently. Your hand snaked into the hair at the back of his head, keeping him close to you so he couldn’t pull away from you prematurely.

When your lips parted you rested your forehead against his, your eyes tracing the freckles that decorated the skin of his nose and cheeks. 

He lifted his hands up slightly, a motion to show the object he was holding. “So, how about some cake?” 

You let a soft giggle slip past your lips, nodding your head as you wiped away and excess tears that still remained on your face. Tom rummaged through a few things in his bag until he found some utensils to eat the cake with, making you laugh at how he’d come so prepared.

“Happy late birthday to me,” he said, taking a bite of the cake with a content look on his face. You hummed, watching him with complete adoration glittering in your eyes.

“Happy late birthday, Tommy.” 

The two of you ate in a comfortable silence, relishing in the fact you were back together again. Your mind was brought back to the bag you’d seen him bring, catching his attention long enough to ask him a question.

“Are you planning on staying?” you asked, trying to contain any excitement just in case you’d end up getting your hopes up. He nodded, trying to suppress his grin as he saw your eyes light up. “I want to take the time to make this right again, Y/N,” he admitted. “As long as it takes.” 

You agreed, pressing another kiss to his soft lips. “As long as it takes.” 

━━━━━━━━━♡♥♡━━━━━━━━━

tom holland taglist → @seutarose​ @lmaotshollandd​ @photoshopart15​ @hopelessly-harry​ @call-me-baby-gir1​ @icyhollands​ @sinisterspidey​ @siriuslyslyslytherin​ @musicalkeys-blog​ @itstaskeen​ @tpwk-grande​ @zspideyy​ @spideyssunshine​ @givebuckyhisplumsnow​ @lowkey-holland​ @hollandcrush​ @wizkiddx​ @sannie-san-shine​ @sonnydoesrandomshit​ @hopeless-romantic-baby​ @thehumanistsdiary​ @dummiesshort​ @itsbieberxholland​ @lillucyandthejets​ @piscesparker​ @bvttercupbby​ @mymilliefrommarketing​ @spideyspeaches​ @kujokura @l0velyevans​ @jess-holland23​ @felicityparkers​ @quxxnxfhxll​ @captainamirica​ @tomsirishgirlx​ @lou-la-lou​ @slutforsr​ @tayyx​ @bora-world​ @annathesillyfriend​ @lovableparker @whoeveniskendall @hollandswife @sunwardsss @dhtomholland @messedupmyfuckinglife @bi-lmg @londonspidey @multixfandomwriter @mrsholland96 @tomhollandismyhusband1996 @just-lost-inbetween-worlds @magicalxdaydream @hallecarey1 @aayaissaa

[diavolosthots]

This got really long so i put it under a cut and I'm totally going backward with this series but i cant help myself. I HAVE to start with my husband. Most of these are my own headcanons but please read the warning.

Warning: some of these are confirmed in lessons/devilgrams. If you dont want spoilers, don't read the ones in red. (Also Note: I remember reading all of these either in the game or on the official wiki page but I could not find all the in-game sources if you asked me to. Still, they are tagged as spoilers.)

‧͙⁺˚*･༓☾DIAVOLO Life Headcanons☽༓･*˚⁺‧͙

Diavolo’s dad, the Demon King (whom I Headcanon to be named Daemon. I could write headcanons on that guy too?? Lemme know what you guys want) loved Diavolo’s mom dearly and Diavolo was thus a product of pure love, not necessarily just to have an heir. That’s just a bonus. 

Sadly Diavolo’s mom died in childbirth, leaving only the Demon King and Barbatos to take care of him. 

This caused the King to begin resenting his son and Daemon grew cold. Barbatos was, more often than not, the one who took care of little Diavolo, although Diavolo tried desperately to win his dad’s affections, never truly understanding why his father would hate him. 

Diavolo was a rambunctious child and caused a lot of trouble, much to his father’s dismay, and he found himself in trouble a lot. 

On top of that, Diavolo is also highly emotional and it wasn’t until much later that he learned that tears won’t get him anywhere. Barbatos used to give him sweets and tea every time he cried, which was a lot thanks to his dad.

Although the butler did stop this at some point, that’s definitely where Diavolo’s love for tea came from

Barbatos is definitely, and has always been, someone he confided in, and he found it hard to view him as nothing but a ‘servant’, per his dad. It’s not even that his father hated Barbatos or thought of him as lesser than, he just didn’t like that Diavolo confided more in him than anyone else. 

Diavolo definitely had a rebellious phase as he grew up. The mixture of his absent-father’s non-existent love and the responsibilities put on his shoulders from a very young age got too much for him at some point and let’s just say…. Diavolo had a lot of ‘oopsies’ in his ‘teenage’ years. 

If you know, you know. They are no longer among the living. R.I.P. 

People used Diavolo a lot because of this, though. The lack of care and love at home caused a young Diavolo to be naive and trust too easily, getting hurt in the process

Which is why Barbatos now has a torture chamber for the enemies of Diavolo (or people who just want/use him for the wrong reasons)

When Diavolo didn’t try to escape the castle for some love, he found comfort in art and unbeknownst to both his father and anyone else working at the castle, Barbatos helped him build a mini art gallery up in one of the towers where Diavolo still goes for some relaxation or just to think. 

A lot of people backstabbed him as he grew up and even he himself backstabbed a lot of people as well. At some point he saw the hurt he caused and decided to never lie again, and now he’s always telling the truth, albeit he can beat around the bush a lot, and knows for certain when someone else is lying to him. 

At some point, his father forbade him to treat Barbatos as more than a trusted servant and that pretty much solidified his dislike, not hatred, for his father. 

As he grew up into the man he is now, he started to see his dad as more of an authoritarian ruler that works for his own political gain rather than the well being of everyone. The Devildom was never in shambles, or anything, but one could feel a clear hierarchy and there was definitely tension with the other two realms 

His father was actually the one is (somewhat, if not fully) started the war against heaven (not to be confused with the celestial war that the brothers were part of)

Now, he never hated his father, truly. To a certain extent, he actually understood why his father was the way he was. He lost his beloved wife for a son he had to grow a new relationship with. Diavolo never thought his father hated him, either, but one could tell that their relationship was filled with grief, heartache, and even a sense of regret. 

Diavolo never blamed his father, though, and as he grew older, he took certain aspects of his father’s character into his own: loyalty, ambition, and honesty. 

That’s why his father stepped down, but not fully since Diavolo hasn’t been crowned yet. The Demon King is tired; tired of pushing through the days, and Diavolo understands. 

The situation with his parents is also the reason why Diavolo refuses to settle down so easily. He’s scared of both A.) trusting the wrong people again, like he had many times before, and B.) of having the same fate as his father and mother. 

That and Barbatos is highly protective of him lol Good luck getting past the butler if you want to be with the future King. 

One of the main reasons Diavolo keeps up the naive and himbo attitude is also because he never got to be a kid. His father pushed him straight into royal life once he was old enough to comprehend things. 

This does not mean, though, that Diavolo is actually a himbo. He’s quite intelligent and there’s a reason for everything he does. 

Diavolo doesn’t believe in coincidences and is a firm believer in fate; that everything happens as it should and for a reason (A/N: homie is a determinist and that lowkey makes me happy lol)

That’s why he’s perfectly fine taking his time and doing his thing. He likes to have a certain sense of control, of course, but not to the extent that Lucifer does. He’s cool going with the flow as well. 

Speaking of Lucifer, the reason he views him as a best friend and even family is because Diavolo believes he can relate to the absence of a father that’s supposed to be there no matter what

That and because Lucifer is brutally honest. He doesn’t take Diavolo for granted and he certainly doesn’t want Diavolo around for the riches and fame. Diavolo appreciates that a lot. 

Diavolo gets along with pretty much everyone; he’s very adaptable because he has to be. However, that doesn’t necessarily make him an extrovert. As a matter of fact, he’s actually more of an introvert and likes to keep to himself or with a limited group of close friends

Speaking of friends, Diavolo doesn’t have a lot, if any, outside of the brothers and Barbatos. It’s hard to know who to trust when so many people just want to use him or rob him, even strip him of his title. 

Diavolo is very lonely, as a matter of fact, and he hopes, prays even, that he could find a bond with someone, anyone, like Lucifer shares with his brothers. In a sense, he may even be jealous of the seven. 

Although his life was less than peachy, even if he did have everything anyone could ever wish for, Diavolo craves true emotional connections, which is why he clings to Barbatos and Lucifer. 

This, however, doesn’t mean he is helpless. He’s very much an independent, intelligent, and ambitious man, and he is excited for the future, whatever it may hold. 

[rockinhamburger]

Ted’s Narrative End Point + Romcom Desires

Look, I won’t lie: my romantic heart desperately wants Ted to get a romcom ending. But there’s no point pretending there aren’t pretty obvious hurdles to Ted being romantically linked with, really, anyone in the show (besides Beard). That’s just due to the simple fact that everyone else in the show is home to London and Ted’s ultimate end point is clearly Kansas because that’s where his son is, and Henry is his home.

There are enough Wizard of Oz references to suggest that’s the narrative conclusion of Ted’s arc, a return to home after the journey to a strange and wonderful land. In the pilot, Ted directly references the movie (“Coach, I got a feeling we’re not in Kansas anymore, right?”) and there’s also the Wizard of Oz pinball machine in the Crown and Anchor. I love that it’s prominently featured in a scene between Ted and Sharon because Sharon has been a key figure in helping Ted on his journey through Oz/Richmond, the place where he’s been able to confront his fears and start on the path (or yellow brick road) to healing. (Fun detail keen fans have discovered: Ted’s pinball high score is 64,134, which is the zip code for Kansas City.)

I think Ted’s character arc is about accepting the end of his marriage and resolving his triangulated relationship between himself and his late father and himself and his son. I suspect we will delve further into Ted’s narrative journey about fatherhood through Nate, Ted’s surrogate son, who feels abandoned by Ted in much the same way Ted has felt abandoned by his own. We see in season 2 that Ted hasn’t let go of Michelle, at least emotionally. I’m curious to see how that might conclude, how Ted comes to terms with the end of his marriage and what helps him truly move on from Michelle.

In my view, the natural emotional conclusion to this story is for Ted to let go of his guilt and confront his fears about fatherhood and abandonment so he can be emotionally present in Henry’s life. As Ted tells Rebecca in 1x09, “This job you gave me has changed my life.” We’re watching that change happen, Ted learning to be vulnerable and honour the past so he can move on. In turn, Ted’s arrival in Oz/Richmond has linked all of these wonderful characters we love, and his presence has changed all of their lives, but especially Rebecca’s. He has helped her to move away from vengeance and punishment to love and connection. Ted’s presence has earnest kindness has helped Rebecca be vulnerable and build a wonderful support network.

Believe me, I’ve tried to puzzle out how a romcom ending could happen. The biggest hurdle is that it’s just hard to imagine Ted’s potential romantic partners leaving Richmond/Oz. I just don’t think Rebecca’s narrative end point is to leave all of her friends and loved ones and her job to join Ted in Kansas. And I definitely don’t find it narratively satisfying that Ted stays in Richmond/Oz for Rebecca when his son is back in Kansas (“there’s no place like home”; home being Henry). I also think Rebecca’s narrative end point is motherhood, so while I personally love the idea of her being a step-mom to Henry, I don’t want that to come at the cost of her entire life in Richmond. No more Keeley, Sassy, and Nora in her life? Away from the mother she’s beginning to reconnect to? Ehh, it just doesn’t feel right. I really like the idea of her deciding to adopt a child.

(Gotta talk Ted/Trent for a sec here: We just don’t have enough background on Trent to know if he’d move. He’s got a daughter, so if he’s divorced there’s probably another parent in the picture, which complicates things. And presumably Trent’s got some family that he might feel conflicted about leaving. I feel like there’s ways to make that work, but obviously the show would have to go there, which… well, it would be incredible, but I’m not expecting it to happen. Prove me wrong, Ted Lasso creators! Give us the Ted/Trent we deserve!)

Michelle and Henry could move to the UK. That’s the hail Mary, if you will. It works wonders for fanfic (definitely what I did with one of mine XD) but I’m not sure that’s what we’re gearing up for. That is the one hurdle that can be cleared for romcom purposes, but I just don’t know if that’s where the show is going.

All things considered, I’m pretty sure Ted is leaving, and that means we are in for a very emotional series finale (if indeed they keep to the three-season plan). The line in the show that makes me worried for my emotional state is from 2x01 when Ted talks about the death of Earl: “It's funny to think about the things in your life that can make you cry just knowing that they existed, can then become the same things that make you cry knowing that they're now gone. I think those things come into our lives... to help us get from one place to a better one.”

When it’s time for Ted to leave, when the work is finished and the next phase of the journey/mission calls, it’s going to be really sad because naturally I want all of these people to stay together. But sometimes people enter our lives briefly. It doesn’t mean their impact is any less enormous and life-changing. Ted and Rebecca, the emotional centre of this show, two sides of the same coin, will have helped each other get from one place to another, and even if they can’t be in each other’s lives, they will be - in the words of another Oz universe - changed for good. And hey, maybe in the end, it’s just a matter of timing; a not-right-now, a maybe-down-the-line.

Like Ted says in 2x05, “It will all work out. Now, it may not work out how you think it will or how you hope it does, but believe me, it will all work out. Exactly as it's supposed to.” I suspect we are in for a very heart-wrenching goodbye, but one that will feel narratively satisfying. These characters’ journeys will end in the way they’re supposed to, even if it’s not what we’re hoping for.

I do know this: They’re gonna cry and we’re gonna cry.

I also know I don’t want to see Ted return to Kansas alone. But he doesn’t have to! He’s got his ride-or-die with him. I know a popular theory is that Beard stays to coach Richmond, but I don’t really see anything that suggests Beard has gotten attached to the place. He’s certainly gotten entangled in a pretty toxic relationship, so I hope if he does stay it’s for something or someone else. Beard seems to be committed to the mission, to Ted, and I like Ted and Beard as partners, bringing their mission to the next place. That would be a nice romcom ending.

Ah, what can I say? I’m a multishipper!

[sophiebaek]

I haven't read Benedict's book yet. I'm sorry, I just got started. How is he different in the book? What's problematic? I mean the author has some...issues but what should I prepare for?

AOFAG is definitely my favorite in the series since I loved Benedict in the show and I’m also a sucker for Cinderella retellings, but the book definitely has mixed reviews.

Overall review:

I’ve only read the first 5 books but writing wise this book is mid; you can tell JQ was not invested in this story or couple compared to books 2 and 4. There were lots of paragraphs just summarizing what had happened in the story rather than her actually writing it. Even with my criticisms I still greatly enjoyed the book. Since I read the books in order aofag was quite refreshing since book 1 and 2 are similar plot wise; I loved how we were in the country, how Benedict and Sophie spent a lot of one on one time together and got to see a lot of Violet and the girls. Sophie is an amazing character and her and Benedict have a great connection. The book is also pretty funny!

Book Benedict vs Show Benedict:

So since I watched the show before reading the books, I went in imagining Benedict being show Ben. As I’ve said before depending on if you’ve seen the show first, your experience and opinion differ.

Book Benedict is tired about his life of parties and in great need of something more in life. Very much to where he was at the end of season 2! He’s a bit duller and arrogant compared to the light Luke brings to Benedict, and has a temper which I wonder if they’ll explore more in the show. Show Ben is a lot more playful and fun, but that’s where I like to mesh the books and show versions. We need to remember Benedict is a rich privileged man so he wants easy solutions in life. He is very passionate and romantic though; the things he says and thinks is so poetic at times.

He’s very insecure and in his head too which I do see them implementing in the show. His whole internal struggle is that he’s the second son and while I’ve seen others say it’s not that big of a problem, I think it was a great way to see how something like that can affect a persons life. As someone who is always compared their cousins and in a big family I definitely related to the feelings he had.

There is also the criticism of the power dynamics him and Sophie have and his advances towards her. This is where envisioning show ben made my reading different. I saw most of the things he did as playful and trying to goad Sophie, and to me they could never resist each other when they were close. They were like magnets and Benedict felt such strong feelings towards Sophie that he was trying to prove that she felt the same even if she expressed otherwise.

He’s so desperate to keep her in his life that he does some things that definitely raise red flags. This may be a spoiler but he asks her to be his mistress and Sophie says no repeatedly, but throughout the book he continues to convince her to be his mistress (No means no ben). It’s not an okay behavior, and in my mind I knew Show Benedict would never do that. I choose what I mesh between the show and books, but I still think it’s important to understand the problems aofag presents.

In the book Benedict does apologize for his behavior and him and Sophie communicate through their conflicts so I did like that part. Even though I love Benedict and Sophie I can still see where the critiques come from and can understand why others hate him and dislike the book lol.