#sigh maybe somethings wrong with me
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No I rlly am going crazy bc I was in film class today watching casablanca and thinking "oh this is so ineffable husbands" WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
#nightingale in Berkeley square?? as time goes by???#i stick my neck out for noone??? im not nice???#sigh maybe somethings wrong with me#good omens#ineffable husbands#casablanca 1942
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#6.
#whatre y gonna post leo? More trigun? Danny phantom maybe? NO. WRONG. BEN 10 ALIEN FORCE S2 FINALE MOMENT. DIE FOREVER#this show is NOT GOOD !!!!!!! Thats a lie yes it is. No its not. Its. SIGH#these two PISS ME OFF!!!!!!!#but this bit literally made me choke up and clutch my head. Oh my god#Esp when paralleled w kevins arc later.... I FEEL UNWELL#Something something to be so monstrous and dangerous and to have someone love you anyway. Whatever.#uaf#ben 10 uaf#ben 10 alien force#kevin levin#gwen tennyson#DO I HAVE TO TAG THEIR SHIP THIS IS SOOOO CRINGE#gwevin#its like. I like it in my head BUT THIS SHOW IS BAD#ben 10#kevin 11#< cause i thinknits funny
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So fucked up that obimaul is a rarepair. What do you mean not everyone is obsessed with enemies to lovers with a Force connection, where one side is completely obsessed with the other who barely acknowledges him (but is just as affected)
#hm i should make an original post tag#obimaul#like. say what you want but obi-wan saw a random dathomirian zabrak and immediately went 'maul?? alive??'#he DOES care about maul he just doesn't actively seek him out like maul does#post prompted by this song that makes me think about Maul in his crime lord era‚ all the luxury of the world within his reach‚#but none of it satisfies him because what he really wants is to find (and kill) kenobi#'another night up in the best suite; everything's gone wrong already‚ my body admits; dreaming so high the floor is the limit;#once again i got lost.. [...] another night i give myself��� top of a skyscraper; i'm the king of the world‚ dreams for rent;#and when i look at myself i sigh with a low voice‚ 'i don't feel bad i just feel nothing''#(<- song is são paulo‚ 2015 by jão)#it's a song about feeling dissatisfied with the life of fame because there's an emptiness he can't fill with sex drugs or luxuries#and from the context of the album it's likely he's thinking about a past lover he's still not over#so. imagine with me.#i might make something out of this. maybe.#but like. posting about songs that make me think obimaul thoughts. not very productive. almost no audience.#... and while making this post i've been attacked by yet another song with a very obimaul words#'lie to me‚ run from me‚ we swear it doesn't count‚ in this way of ours‚ but it's not because i hate you that i can't kiss you anymore'#<- pilantra by jão and anitta
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i opened tumblr during lunch and the first thing i saw was peter parker britney spears. two of my friends stared at my phone and audibly went “oh” thank you for the blessing
i've had so many people tell me "sci. the only thing i know about you is spider-man and britney spears". and i think that's all there is. you're welcome.
#sci speaks#sighs. i miss my old workplace. those guys were so fun. i miss playing britney in the office all day every day.#i was myself. so unapologetically. sighs. siiiighs.#this new job is killing me. i need to find a way to be more aggressively myself but i don't have the energy.#the job exhausts me so much. or maybe it's my biology that's doing it.#whatever it is something is fucking WRONG !!#i think working in a big company you kind of have to lose yourself a little. just because there are so many people.#like you don't know those people. you just don't know all those people. you could never hope to know all those people.#but in my old place i knew everyone and they knew ME! knew all my sexy nonsense. it felt like home. kick off my shoes.#sighs. what do you do sci. what do you do.#i don't think if i moved company it would help. it might get worse.
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The new W Corp besties
#my art#project moon#limbus company#fanart#lcb yi sang#lcb ryoshu#lcb hong lu#AUAAAAUUGUGHHH I HATE PM SO MUCH (putting up posters of everything w corp up on my walls)#they're so MEAN i HATE them :wail:#also hi i had these doodled for a little bit but decided to finish them instead of going to bed#i dont really like how any of these (except for maybe hong lu) look but at least the wip wont haunt me anymore#every time pm does something with w corp my friends get front row seats to me straight up dying for a little bit#trios of IDs specifically created to torture me:#last w corp cameo left is rodya when will it be her time#SIGHS i miss them all but pm's gonna need to Not sue unions if they want me to redownload their gacha game#anyways surely there's more than clean up agents over at w corp like dont get me wrong i love the flesh janitors but#what else is there i need to know more about my favorite dimensional space existential horror gore trains#sometimes i dream of drawing every single named wcorp agent in one drawing... maybe some day
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“New Moon,” Moon Knight: Fist of Khonshu (Vol. 2/2024), #1.
Writer: Jed MacKay; Penciler and Inker: Alessandro Cappuccio; Colorist: Rachelle Rosenberg; Letterer: Cory Petit
#Marvel#Marvel comics#Marvel 616#Moon Knight: Fist of Khonshu#Moon Knight: Fist of Khonshu vol. 2#Moon Knight: Fist of Khonshu 2024#Moon Knight comics#latest release#Moon Knight#Mr. Knight#Marc Spector#*sigh* I just love discussions of#particularly when you go along more with like pre-Lemire accounts of Marc’s childhood#how Marc feels that he’s been attracted to bloodsports like boxing and then eventually combat and mercenary work his whole life#and if that means there’s something wrong with him (and distinctly /him/ because Steven and Jake are fine#and can demonstrably lead great lives)#not to mention the questions of if the work as Moon Knight is an extension/continuation of that blood lust#an effort to absolve himself of past transgressions/that particular character flaw#or just using an unsightly part of himself as a tool towards worthy goals#anyway don’t mind me going on in the tags#all this to also say I really want the return of boxer Marc#and it’s wild to see Marc describe himself as «okay» when this issue specifically brings up what he did to Man Mountain Marco in the ring#maybe Marc doesn’t consider that legit boxing aldhdkdh
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In the words of Jessica Day, "Work sucked today, my friends"
#at least im 90% sure she said that once#anyways it sucked. a LOT#i i paid for something i shouldnt have causing my boss to have to reimburse me and they were. less than pleased#and like i get that i should have communicated better but maybe so should you guys?#i dont know. i think im not completely in the wrong about this but its hard to tell right now#i just want to cry and not think about it ever again#at the moment only one of those is happening#i just. it cant have been ENTIRELY my fault#and i honestly dont know why its such a big deal#but my boss and i have VERY different minds#uuuuuuugggggghhhhhhhhh#i feel like everything turned out fine but i also feel like its all my fault and everything sucks#and maybe i should stand up for myself but. i do. not. want. to#i KNOW im gonna say my thoughts on it and theyre gonna say something else and ill be like uuuuhhhhh#sure yes whatever im clearly wrong#sigh
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#(huge relieved sigh)#I'm emotional over the little community that I get to participate in here#been on Tumblr over 10 years#been in multiple fandoms that I've made content for#and this is the first time I've experienced this level of interaction and community#first time I've had mutuals and had that actually mean something#I'm still terrified of unknowingly doing something rude or wrong or annoying (which is why I struggle so much to tag people) but#idk I'm starting to feel braver#I'm actually getting emotional thinking about it#sorry I'm just#maybe rereading symphony and noticing how lonely Violist-chan is has got me focused on how lonely I am too#and yeah it's not like I'm anyone's actual friend on here but just being able to interact and participate and be welcomed is...#idk#there's this gnawing ache in my chest all the time but this little community brings me sparks of joy that I haven't felt in a long time#sorry ignore me I'm just#i don't know#I'm trying to express my gratitude but I'm not doing a very good job#if anyone actually reads this just know I'm trying to say thank you for being nice and for letting me be feral over turtles with you#and i hope you're all having a good day
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I regret to inform everyone we're back in the white space. Expect the fire alarm to go off periodically in typical fashion of whenever it detects a steaming pile of garbage on the way. Like me! [i'll give a cookie to whoever recognizes where the sfx is from!!]
#hand jumper#sighs#projected second taeho gyeon tag on ao3.....#where did i go wrong#we're so joever guys#we're so joever...#mandatory plugin for the hand jumper discord server because i think the culprit wouldn't want to own up#or even has tumblr idk#but just know they're on my hitlist and i hate[/pos] them#also yes it's more cell 3#if i had to summarise think of it an evil version of the halloween fic#except even worse#honestly though if you're able to JOIN THE HJ DISCORD SERVEEEEEER#SOMEONE WAS COOKING FIRE!!!!!!!!!!!!#it's like that one bromie on discord said if 3 guys came to the same conclusion at radically different intervals then maybe it's something!#or eveyone's on the same drug#BUT I CHOOSE TO BELIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEVE#and so in orderly fashion what do i do when i really wanna poke and prod at them more?#throw them in the torture nexus#granted it's not really a torture nexus because the bet is everytime cell three appears in a chapter i delete and start the draft over agai#it is.#but that's not my problem!!!#it's future me who'll fret over tuesday's episodes problem!!#also it puts it in a perpetual state of agony because if what if the day we say“i'll finish tomorrow p much done” is the day cell 3 shows u#ctrl+shift+del+seethe+mald+cope#also i'd say compared to finish in three days it's the most lenient artificial deadline ever#because either cell 3 or cell 3 mentor appears and i win by getting more food to improve the work#or i hand it in as is if they don't and shoot myself when they do after i just finished#also if you ever want to ask me to drop/drop the hj memes i made in the server just holler#because i forget to post here chronically!!!!!!!!
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#another day another vent post#i really shouldn't keep doing this honestly. it doesn't solve anything i think#but i feel I've been too trauma-dumpy in the places i usually go and my dm restrictions mean my options are limited#so.... tumblr it goes i guess#helps that the problem tonight is feeling completely numb and apathetic.#isolating myself because i don't give a shit whether i live or die#and honestly can't really make myself feel..... like any of it matters#is it my meds doing this? who knows.....#any number of things could have caused this#i just. don't give a fuck enough to think about what#i have therapy on Thursday. I'm hopeful it'll help#well. normally I'm hopeful. I'll pretend i am now too.#start actually doing something about whatever is wrong with me.#sigh...#...i don't know if this is a cry for help or not...? i guess I'll slap in the same 'one-time free pass' to dm me on discord again#i can't really picture myself replying and i have no idea what would help. nothing feels like it would. and i may honesty to god just#fall asleep instead.#sorry to keep doing this shit#one day it'll be better#maybe.#Hopefully.
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Not liking Naruto as a character is a big red flag for me tbh
#it tells me u r not watching bc u want a show abt love and empathy saving the day#listen i was watching a video ranting abt naruto calling him lazy and entitled and stupid#and im like. how. how do u see something so different from me?#maybe i just get triggered bc naruto has neurodivergent energy and when ppl call him lazy and stupid im like: no. no. his brain just works#different and no one bothers to help him understand in a way that makes sense to him. it makes me so mad#its the system that deserves ur rage. not the boy#i kinda feel the same abt boruto. like i understand how ppl could dislike him but honestly im on his side 60eps in#like he just wants his dad to show him affection and attention and the village is draining narutos soul#and im supposed to think boruto is ungrateful? after all naruto as sacrificed? this is what he gets? a miserable life?#no. boruto is right. something is wrong here and he's rightfully lashing out.#oh god. im so tired. what am i doing? sigh...#naruto ramblings
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Me, today: I will not get angry about people slandering Jesus. I will not lose my temper seeing yet another post throwing His character in the garbage as some politically woke or politically conservative people pleaser. I will not stab my hand with a fork when I see people poking fun at his friendships as homoerotic - *sees a post like that and slowly steps out of the internet*
No seriously. I am shaking the screen and BEGGING people to remember that even though Western Christian traditionalism has deep, *deep* wrongs, There Are Literal People Dying And Being Tortured Because Of Their Faith In Christ In The Modern World. And the way I see people making light of faith and outright mocking it or "dumbing it down" to appeal to their own moral worldview is sometimes kind of painful
#lemon duck quacks#i need a salt tag so people can block that....#I'll think of one later#anyway yeah....sometimes the things i see western folk doing to Christianity makes me sigh#what is it about humanity's need to make a mockery out of the things we disagree with?#I've caught myself doing it sometimes too and it's just sad#like I've seen people make mockery out of Eastern spirituality and religions or Islam or something#and it DOES make me mad#especially when I see adherents of those religions trying to placate people by going#'oh our worldview DOES actually support yours! we're friendly to your political stance :)'#when no. NO. you guys don't have to defend your worldview like that???#worldviews are called such because they're different and there WILL be times when moralities clash against each other!#DRAMATICALLY#and it's up to you to see if you can keep being friends/interacting with someone who has a drastically different moral standard than you#and if you can't there is no reason to try and make their religion/worldview fits yours or whatever#this is aimed at Christians too who try and force non-Christians to see things through their perspective btw#also just because you hate someone's viewpoint because it's objectively wrong to you doesn't mean you have to mock it or them#by all means try and deconstruct it if you want but stop making fun of it or pretending you know eeeeeverything about their worldview#sorry you guys i am VERY salty#maybe a tad bit angry but mostly salty#anyway you religious people who have studied your texts and persist in living it out even if it doesn't conform to the western world's#political worldviews (whether liberal or conservative in the us or uk or etc sense) have all my respect and 'hwaiting's#stars I'm so salty i could perseve my own meat with it
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loveee when a character is crushed under the weight of someone elses expectations for them love when a character dedicates their entire life to something they never even wanted for themself love when the only reason a character keeps going is because theyre Supposed to and bc theyre supposed to make another person happy/proud. YES !!! CLAPPING !!! YES !!!!!!!!
#this isnt rly related to any character in particular i just thought abt this and it made me scream.#flirting at a bar Damn girl you look like youre trapped in a life you built to please someone else. and then i kneel down and pull out a 💍#sry i ran out of space for the full word ring. also why when i type 💍 Ohh theyre hiding it. bc now the emoji is 💍 Oh they changed it again#pox on their home..originally it was 🔐 sughested emoji#but then the second time it was 😭.... very anti marriage. well ig maybe the sob could be like OMG... YES!!!!! I WILL MARRY YOU!!!!!!#ngl getting proposed to is such a big fear of mine like. i dont think id ever be able to propose to someone so id have to be proposed to i#suppose but it makes me quite nervous not bc im like ohh nooo dont propose i just rly worry ill react the wrong way and theyll change their#mind. like its a very high emotion moment so ik i would be supposed to be emotional And i would be but idk if id do it in the right way . y#idk. what if my autism looms and i end up just being like 😐 on accident. fuckkk. what if i say somethinf dumb. like i try to be like YES !#but instead im like YEP! god. can you imagine. id have to just bury myself at that point. so embarassing. or like what if i get excited and#flap my hands but it was supposed to be more of a like. joyful crying type of thing... or what if im supposed to just be shocked and like .#Oh my god ....#and am I supposed to run at them and sweep them into a hug or do they do thst to me. UGH. ITS SO STRESSFUL. i suppose ill just remain alone#forever so I never have to confront any difficult situations ever again . Joke .#idk it just makes me nervous. but i suppose hopefully the person proposing to me will love me . that would be nice so hopefully they wont#mind if i dont respond the right way . and they wont be upset with me bc they love me eversomuch. a girl can dream i suppose... my head lik#is pounding sry. i need to sleep probably.. stayed up too late again -_- 8am -_- and im sposed to do laundry today But i dont want to . and#since im gonna fall asleep i fear it shant happen. UGHHH#wtvr. idk what my ideal proposal would be likeee. i don't want to be blindsided ig#i like surprises but Obviously im too worried abt like. my immediate reaction#+ i think its important to talk abt marriage Before proposing just so everybodys like#on the same page and such. Obvs... but ya. i dont think id want a super public proposal like. id like it to be somewhere nice with maybs#significance to our relationship and such. and its fine if theres like Some passersby but id hate for it 2 be like. somewhere crowded. or i#a restaurant or something#Altho if it was in a restaurant maybe we could get free food..#but maybe that can be just fake proposals later on. and our real proposal can be somewhere else. YIPPEEE. me and my imaginary future spouse#who is To be honest rather bare minimum#normal girl will be like Wistful sigh maybe my future spouse will even love me and wont scream at me and will like to listen to me speak 😍#but anywyas. my beddybye time. SURPRISE GN POST#woahhthis got off topic i forgot what the original post was this always happens. i do love characters like that
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studying psychology literally does nothing for your understanding of yourself btw. you just end up with better knowledge of excel
#going to rant in the tags a little because maybe someone has the same experience#like. i am aromatic. and probably asexual. sometimes i feel like i might be in love with a person because i start craving company with them#but when i think about any romantic or intimate touch i start dissasotiating and get really weirdly sad and unenthusiastic about the idea#apathetic even. it's like i want something i can't describe or even get realistically#and my own relationship with touch is also really weird#i remember when i was an early teen i would deprive myself of touch in times of stress#if i was crying or something i would sit and spread my limbs so that they weren't touching each other bc i didn't feel deserving#of the comfort#and like!!! wtf!!!! nothing ever happened to me to cause that. did it#i'm literally just a normal girl#why am i like this and what is wrong with me. why can't i love normal why is it always an obsession and a game#why do i get interested and then when i finally understand the person i'm not anymore. people aren't rubix cubes but my heart thinks them so#sigh. please can i have one normal relationship with a person. one good friend#anyways LOL bye
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The internet is a deeply demoralizing place sometimes. You have to post fanart to get some attention, and then when you post new stuff no one cares as much. You get a new follower here, it's a bot. You go without posting on some websites for a while, you disappear. Many will steal from you. This place is dead unless you're willing to post blorbo (which I almost never am). So, I'm gonna be very elusive for a while.
#my art is not consistent in its greatness#but I was really proud of my last drawings#no notes#there's no problem usually but it got me sideways today#and I was already hellbent on never posting my art online again because it feels so strange#like I'm doing something wrong whereas when I draw for myself it feels good#like I'm just having a silly little hobby I don’t have to monetize#or to be even generally amazing at#so yeah#I wish this was a sideblog now lol cause my personal is directly attached to this one and I love my personal blog to death#sigh#maybe I'll transfer?#probably not#wmp.txt
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I believe I am half awake by the sloppy body movements however I say fuck you it's not 1am yet so I'm not crazy
#i dont sleep until 1am i dont knkw why#i think its time i pick up a healthy schedule#is it the depression?? honestly maybe????#like theres definitely something wrong with me to the point ehere i cant say “im lazy”#sigh
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