#sidious can fuck right off tho

[mabsart]

Finished reading Darth Plagueis and this was my one takeaway:

Baby!Maul is strong! 🥺✨✨

Original Meme under the cut

[phoenixyfriend]

Okay so, originally, I pitched this on discord:

Ahsoka… but distressed dapper. She's still a tog and all, but she's otherwise right out of a film noir setting. Rugged Detective. If Anakin were still around he'd be freaking out over the cigarette.

@jebiknights responded with:

this is a great image for post-jedi Ahsoka but also ngl part of my brain went straight to padawan Ahsoka trying to solve a mystery in the temple pretending to be a noir detective, sucking on a lollipop with a fake mustache like Nino did in s4 of Miraculous Ladybug fdijirdgjs She hasn't received shadow or spy training yet shes got a long way to go 😂 she hums her own theme music whenever she can get away with it

And we were off to the races!

I met us in the middle: after she leaves but before RotS.

Her sleuthing leads to Sidious through the most ludicrously indirect route possible.

She's not even a PI. She's a mechanic on the lower levels. She just stumbled into a thing and put on a costume to hide her identity through judicious use of Hat.

She's got an apartment across the hall from some girls who work in the red light district and one time some guys were harassing them and Ahsoka kicked them out through judicious use of Armbars And Catching Punches, which was impressive without being actively violent or revealing her Force abilities, and it was... fine? They're friends now, have pizza once in a while. Ahsoka likes hearing about their lives.

But then they decided to come to her for advice on a whole Thing at work, where they overheard some stuff about a drug deal that's taking place worryingly close, and maybe she could just keep an eye out when the deal goes down in case things go south? Please?

Ahsoka does so. She overhears things about the war in the deal (which is about information, not drugs), and. Well. She doesn't want to call home for help when she's making a whole point about needing to find herself away from them, so maybe she can just do a little digging of her own?

The red light girls insist she needs a cool outfit for her PI work (they do not care that it's not PI work). They are very excited about this.

At some point she runs into a junior Corrie Guard and steals him for a bit. He is officially "missing" and unofficially Fox was just like "fuck it, sure, help the shiny not-Jedi, I don't care." Now Ahsoka has a clone roommate/sidekick/backup who is, in fact, much more experienced in this than she is, but also has far fewer contacts and resources since they can't use CG databases while they're running this op. Meanwhile, Ahsoka has Friends, and some of her friends know a guy who knows a guy.

Fox doesn't tell the Jedi because technically this doesn't involve them (Ahsoka didn't mention the war stuff), and he has an Outside Contractor and a Coruscant Guard working on it.

He'll let them know if it goes anywhere, but for now he's assuming it's grandstanding lowlifes, and will leave it to the baby Jedi and babier Guard.

jebiknights:

a probably way too young cg helping Ahsoka while Fox aggressively pretends it isn't happening has such good- ohmygod this has psych vibes just a lil bit I've been on a psych comparison kick lately tho so

Ahsoka is trying so hard to be cool

listen psych is my favorite framework for the consulting detective schtick lmaooo AND SHES TRYING SO HARD but shes like what 16? just not there and living in the non-jedi/non-battlefront world for the first time sidgier

Her hypercompetent psychic is a babyfaced 9yo

i was thinking that she would be the psychic bc jedi but honestly convincing everyone that its the shiny corrie is so much funnier also just imagining all the stupid names they call each other as aliases

Sidekick I meant hypercomptetent sidekick

that… makes more sense ngl i was ready to yes and you all the way tho turn it into a gods whats the Jude Law movie where "Watson" is the genius who hires an actor to play "Sherlock" and has him pretend to be the genius or st?

I am, however, open to a Detective Conan situation, which has a lot more context so I'll actually use a different reference and say she pulls a Cyrano de Bergerac.

Ahsoka is stage-whispering instructions to her Corrie Guard, feeding him lines so he can pretend to be psychic while she sneaks around with significantly less eyes on her.

Also the red light girls stay involved they are so excited to Help even though Ahsoka keeps trying to keep them uninvolved for Safety. The girls love teasing her shiny friend. Please remember that all of this nonsense is happening while Ahsoka tries to dress like a prototypical film noir detective.

wait wait wait but if we go back to the original gag of, lowkey being a lil Psych/chaotic Sherlock inspired… shiny being a baby medic?? he tries to be a voice of reason but also enjoys the chaos too much, gets wayyyy too into the play acting and bad covers, but also knows how to patch up the reckless former jedi lol. Ahsoka sometimes just showing up in the Corrie medbay not for a check up but to drag the shiny into shenanigans

Fuck yeah, baby shiny Guard is now a baby shiny medic (Guard). Ahsoka regularly sneaks in through the vents to kidnap him.

Quinlan figures out she's doing Things through psychometry by accident but decides to let sleeping dogs lie until she finally shows up a the Jedi's door like "hey I need help."

The Jedi and various commanders all think it's a standard "the world is bigger and harsher than I thought and as a teen I want to come back to stability," but instead... it's "Chancellor's a Sith Lord."

Though tbh the shiny might just suggest she go to Quinlan first.

REAJGRIGJAERI Quinlan was not prepared for this at all I'm just imagining him as the airplane gag where every new thing Ahsoka reveals is just "I picked a bad day to stop [addiction]"

tbh I initially pitched the AU for Gay Reasons and that's why I was thinking post-RotS but I am now in love with mostly-competent-fumbling teen Ahsoka and her shiny friend.

[twilightofthe]

So...about that Obitine Anidala rant. Also, you said something about how Sidious and Obi-Wan are foils. I would love it if you elaborate. (Also, I love your blog.)

Awwwww thank you anon!  I just be yelling on here!

*wheezes* okie doke!  Tho I stress that this won’t exactly be a rant because I adore Obitine and Anidala and rant kinda implies aggression towards them, this is more of just a long-ass ramble because while I love them, I don’t always love the way canon portrays them in the narrative, particularly in relationship to each other, because I often do not feel that what the show is trying to push us to think about them is accurate to how they actually act and come across.  Notably, the show attempts to draw comparisons to the two relationships that really don’t exist below surface level similarities.  Again, these are my own personal opinions, and in fact, I welcome discussion!  I truly do!  Please politely debate me on this if you disagree!

(god dammit it got long again, so long I’ll actually put ur Sidious and Obi Wan as foils part in a separate post)

I’ll get to why exactly the show compares the relationships very strangely in a moment, but first we gotta explore the reason why it does this in the first place, which is that the Clone Wars show has decided to make Obi Wan and Anakin narrative foils to one another.  Narrative foils, by the literary definition, are two characters that contrast one another.  They don’t have to be the protagonist and the antagonist, these characters can be on the same side, basically the thing is that they have “opposite” personalities where if one character is hot, the other is cold, if one character chooses to go right, the other will go left.  It’s usually used to show one character’s qualities as more favorable for the situation as opposed to anyone else’s.

TCW does this whenever they possibly can with Anakin and Obi Wan.  I get its reasoning behind it.  I do.  The reasoning is that while Anakin is supposed to be a main character, he makes questionable decisions quite often and for the kiddies watching, those decisions must be seen as Bad even if the hero does it, so they have Obi Wan, the unquestionable good guy, encounter the exact same scenarios Anakin makes his questionable decisions in, and then has Obi Wan make the Right(TM) decision to teach the kids a valuable lesson.  They turn Obi Wan into the voice of reason for the entire show, which turns basically almost everything Obi Wan and Anakin do into a constant competition in the narrative in a way the movies do not do (and I’ll get to the movies later).  I’m not saying it’s necessarily a bad thing, making them foils, but it’s definitely more of a show-only thing and it does it quite, quite often.

So yeah, TCW likes to compare Obi Wan and Anakin to the point that sometimes they try and use Obi Wan to diminish Anakin’s genuine trauma and struggles by going “well why didn’t you do it like THIS?” and I think that writing parallel plotlines for the purpose of shaming/criticism is kinda ://////, but that’s another rant for another day that again, if y’all wanna hear about, lmk

Anyway, the need to compare them absolutely made its way into their romantic relationships as well, as they acknowledge the similarities in the show, and Filoni and the crew explicitly compare the two relationships in interviews.

Basically my problem with how they try and draw said parallels can be boiled down to one quote by Filoni that a cursory Google search could not find but I know exists so y’all can take my word or not, that went along the lines of “Obi Wan and Satine are like Anakin and Padmé but better because they know how to stay unattached and let each other go.  They’re a success story.”  I disagreed with this quote so much it inspired me to write a whole-ass fic about it (Mutuals update: yes, it is coming soon, Darth Maul is just himself and therefore an utter pain in the ass to do a POV on and is fighting me like the bitchass he is)

My thesis that I will be arguing today is that while TCW tried to create Obitine as an Anidala parallel, they’re really not similar in the way the writers think they are.  Obitine is not a success story to Anidala, they’re a goddamn tragedy too; the real parallel to Anidala is that Obitine also ended in death and tears despite making all the “right” decisions instead of all the “wrong” ones, and that is what is sad about them.

Like, on the surface level?  Yeah, the crew-intended parallels are there.  A fancy politician and a Jedi get together after the Jedi is assigned as the politician’s bodyguard.  The first time they see each other in over a decade the guy’s first words are basically “damn girl you’re still hot”, there is Conflict(TM) and the choice to try and be together or stay yearningly apart because they are Forbidden(TM) to be together, and ultimately a Sith Lord fucks them both over because he’s obsessed with the Jedi and uses Politician Lady to his advantage, finds and exploits a vulnerability of hers, destroys her life’s work, and then lets her die to make Jedi Man sad.  The difference is all that one pair said “yeah we aren’t gonna break the rules to be together” and the other said “fuck it yeah we are, let’s do this”

But beneath all of that, they real similarities are different and not at all focused on by the narrative.  Obi Wan and Anakin are extremely different people, as are Padmé and Satine, so their relationship dynamics together will not be the same.  You want to try and compare Obi Wan and Anakin and then compare Satine and Padmé like the crew attempts to, and you can’t, they have the same job but not nearly the same life.  Namely, the funny coincidence is that Obi Wan and Padmé are much more similar in personality, while Anakin and Satine are also much more similar in personality, so the first time they meet again, it’s both Anakin and Satine as the one who’s been pining for over a decade and the one more actively pursuing the relationship, while Obi Wan and Padmé who are more like “uh, hi, wow, you’re hot and this is a Problem because I have a job to do pls don’t look at me like that but also I will Cause Problems On Purpose and flirt with you anyway because I can’t help it”.  I get the Corruption TCW ep with Sati and Pads was mostly intended just to help Satine pass the Bechdel test and also show how similar the two leading lady love interests are, but it was a genuinely creative episode that actually ended up showing how much Satine and Padmé compliment each other instead of mirroring each other, much like Obi Wan and Anakin do.

And, onto my next point, despite the character parallels being wrong, the parallels in the relationship are different too.  Like I said, the parallel isn’t that Obi Wan and Satine aren’t attached like Anakin and Padmé are.  The parallel is that Obitine is actively running from what that attachment means instead of embracing it like Anidala is.  The show would argue that since they try to avoid it, that they are able to live without one another, means they aren’t attached like the Jedi define it, but I argue that they definitely still are attached to a degree because they cannot give each other up.  They held torches for each other from a timerange of 15 YEARS.  Yes I know they spent an entire year together at a young and emotionally volatile point in their lives, but I stand that NO ONE is that hung up on their ex for that long unless there is some serious emotions involved.  Anakin was hung up on Padmé for ten years, and that was because Palpatine was constantly bolstering those affections and reminding him of Padmé.  Obes and Sati both-- or at least Satine, the show always makes Obi Wan’s feelings for Satine in return much more vague --held on to their feelings for five years longer without the influence of a Sith Lord.

And the thing is, they know it.  Obi Wan and Satine are both fully aware that they haven’t been able to shake each other off like they should and that that is a Problem, that’s why they’re both a mite venomous with each other beneath the flirting at first, they’re both extremely frustrated with themselves for not being able to get over this thing they have, and frustrated with the other for being there as an active temptation.

And yet, they still are attached to each other.  They try to avoid it, they definitely try, and that’s what makes them different from Anidala, but they are definitely still attached.  You can see it in Obi Wan’s actions in Voyage of Temptation when Merrik is threatening to blow the ship, the way he hesitates in attacking him because that would be “striking an unarmed man”.  Obi Wan Kenobi does not prefer violence, no, but he has never hesitated to cut a bitch before if it’s for the good of the many.  This is the man who stabbed someone with a fork and threatened to eat him just to maintain his cover as a dangerous criminal.  This is the guy who had no problem killing Zam Wessel for information to protect Padmé.  This is a pragmatist who prefers peaceful solutions, but he does not hesitate if he feels it is a justified offense.  But this time, when an entire shipful of people is at risk, Obi Wan hesitates.  Because he doesn’t want to upset Satine.  Because he’s probably thinking on how she told him that if he had killed the last terrorist they encountered, she wouldn’t speak to him, how she had criticized every time he used violence to escape Death Watch before.  He hesitates because he’s putting her happiness, just for a second, over the sake of duty.  Do I think that if Anakin hadn’t shown up to save their moral compasses, Obi Wan would have eventually taken out Merrik?  Absolutely; hell, I honestly think Satine might have done it.

But the matter was, Merrik could have pressed the kill switch any second of Obi Wan’s hesitation, and Obi Wan knew that, and was hesitating anyway.

I am calling this attachment solely because if the situation was reversed, if this was Anakin and Padmé in this situation, with Anakin not taking out a dangerous criminal because he doesn’t want to upset Padmé (lol ignoring the fact that Pads 1000% would have shot that bitch, and even if she didn’t, Anakin would because he is perfectly fine with hurting his loved ones’ feelings if he feels it’ll keep them safe), god, the narrative would have eaten Anakin alive.  

No, I won’t take criticism.  I know how the show handles the Anidala dynamic.  It would have shown Obi Wan popping up to take out the baddie as him doing the right thing and saving the day, and then Anakin would have been shamed for letting his feelings for his wife get in the way of protecting a shipful of people.  THAT would be the Vader foreshadowing, none of this “only a cold-blooded killer” shit, no way would they ever stick that label on Obi Wan.

So yeah, I’m going off of the fact that if that would have been classified as attachment for Anidala-- which, it would, then. it counts for Obitine.

And then Obi Wan and Satine continue to be hung up on each other for the rest of the eps they’re in, Satine saying in words multiple times how much she loves and cares about him and wishes things could be different, and Obi Wan performing it in actions, risking his own neck and political standing to help her even when she’s a fugitive, probably personally putting in to send his own grandpadawan to help her later.  Right up to the time when Satine decides that she is going to call Obi Wan when she is deposed.  Not the Senate.  Not any powerful politician friends.  Not even the Jedi Order or the Council as a whole.  She calls and addresses her distress call to Obi Wan alone.  And Obi Wan, as now revealed to us by TCW S7, defies Council orders and breaks a century old neutrality treaty to try and bust her, a convicted murderer in the eyes of the Republic and Mandalore, out.  He didn’t even know Maul had her.  Just knew she was in danger and came running to her aid.  He risks starting a potential war to come save her.  They acted so in love that Vizsla was able to guess from being around them for like five seconds, and was able to tell Maul exactly who he would need to bait Obi Wan.

That is where the attachment comes from.  It’s the fact that Obi Wan and Satine tried so, so hard to give each other up and do the right thing, but when it came down to it, they couldn’t lose the other one so they put them first when logically they shouldn’t.  And thus, Satine ended up dead.

Now I know most people will argue with me that actually Filoni means that since they didn’t stay together after the year on the run, THAT is what makes them able to give each other up, and also the fact that Obi Wan didn’t go dark side and murder everyone when Satine died.

But I still think that at least the murder front is a fairly low bar to cross, and anyway, that just because they could live without each other didn’t mean they weren’t still attached.  Anakin and Padmé were apart for 10 years and then even after that, they were apart almost constantly during the war.  Just because they could live apart or even past the other’s death didn’t mean they weren’t attached, as they both still had not let the other go mentally and also broke rules to try and ensure the other would not die, even if the rules said they should let it happen.

So yeah, that’s my big theory.  We can’t compare Obitine with Anidala by saying Obitine was a success story, we compare them by acknowledging that both struggled with attachments and letting the other go, but Obitine at least tried to the bitter end to do the right thing while Anidala didn’t really bother, and both ended up with dead women and broken men regardless, and that is the true sad parallel to me.

[obaewankenope]

The Gospel of the Anakin Apologist + The General Rudeness of Unrelated Comments on a Post

So @stonefreeak had an anon show up and whine about Padme. I and @sanerontheinside added our two cents in then *waves hands* SOME ASSHOLE shows up and wants to play ‘Anakin is a victim and Padme is a stupid ho and Obi-Wan is to blame for EVERYTHING EVER’ on the post even though, amusingly enough, it has no bearing on the discussion in the slightest.

Ergo I got vexed.

Actually all of us did bc wow stupid much.

The rest is under a read more because wow this got long and salty.

Also I’m tagging people so they can share the salt: @meabhair, @kyberpunk, @maawi, @markwatnae, @lilyrose225writes, @knight-kennedy, @punsbulletsandpointythings, @deadcatwithaflamethrower, @myurbandream, @jhaernyl :)

You see, we were discussing Padme as a female character and the double-standard around female characters being expected to be perfect and male characters essentially being able to do whatever the fuck they want so long as they’re pretty (pick a fandom, any fandom, you’re guaranteed to see the same dichotomy in treatment of male - female characters).

Apparently we can’t do that shit tho bc ‘oh no you’re blaming my bae!!!’ like wow, really fucking stupid much.

Anyway, to explain why I’m raging (why all of us are raging actually: it’s glorious to behold and I feel so blessed to experience the righteous fury of my spouses and friends) I personally feel like this particular person has literally pulled the embodiment of that “she doesn’t even go here” meme because whoa boy, their reblog does not belong here.

Now, in general I’m usually quite happy to let the morons roll on by like the sad little tumbleweeds of ignorance they are. But not when it’s on a post informing others of the behaviour and perception of gender/sex relations and treatment of characters in fandom. When you show up here and want to blame a single character who is flawed, especially just to venerate and excuse the behaviour of another flawed character... well, then I feel obligated to respond.

It’s not personal it is it’s just in my nature.

Okay so, first paragraph of their reblog (and subsequent stupid dialogue included) sums up the situation on Mustafar as ‘Padme should have been a good wife and sided with her genocidal husband who just helped wipe out thousands of lives (including children) bc she’s his wife’ and that ‘Obi-Wan is responsible bc he tried to do his duty as a Jedi’ and apparently that’s wrong as according to the Gospel of the Anakin Apologist.

Of course, they make a general, sweeping statement about Obi-Wan, describing him as a ‘fantastic space cop but an asshole friend and a person in general’ which, as I’m sure you’re all aware, shows a typical lack of understanding of what the Jedi are in universe, and also the background of Obi-Wan and Anakin’s interaction.

This isn’t unusual and I’m not gonna berate people for not knowing about the EU (Extended Universe) materials, or those damned benighted Junior Apprentice (JA) novels about Obi-Wan’s padawanship (and Anakin’s later on). The thing is though, there is plenty of information available about Obi-Wan, his background and so on on various websites -- Wookieepedia, to name but one -- so I don’t think it’s fair to be so quick to judge a character, any character, without understanding their background.

Even if this blogger is uninitiated into the ranks of SW lore and such, even if they only have the movies to go on, I still consider them to have a shockingly particular mindset and perspective of the relationship between the three protagonist characters.

So, here’s the thing, the below is a direct quote from their post. As you can see it’s... a particular perspective.

Padme should have sided with Anakin or Obi-Wan clearly when Anakin confronted her about Obi-Wan being on the ship, Obi-Wan killed Padme by appearing while they were talking, Padme might’ve been able to talk some sense into Anakin or join him, i guess Obi-Wan was afraid Padme would flip sides and decided to burst out with his “hello there” bullshit, if i was Padme i would have immediately said            “that fucker snuck on my ship i had nothing to do with this, take care of him my love!” or “oh shit, well i didn’t plan this Obi-Wan tag in!”            i know she was shocked and all that jazz but lady think on your feet, you went to meet your fugitive husband who just killed a academy full of space coplings on isolated planet and a space cop popped out of your trunk, use your words and use them quick! Anakin choking his wife in anger is understandable when you think of it from his perspective,           “ok im on the hide from the law(Jedi), ill contact my wife and get her to safety” “hi love i came alone as you asked”            “oh thank god for a moment i thought you might sympathize with the corrupt jedi” *Obi-Wan dumb ass pops out of the shadows* “hello there bitches!~~”            “wtf Padme?! you brought a cop to our meet out?! you do know i am wanted dead right!? You little bitch! i did this all so i could keep you alive and this is how you repay me? i killed younglings to get this power Padme fucking younglings! you ungrateful little bitch ill kill you!” “hey bro let her go you said you wanted to save her right? kind of doing the opposite right now”            “… god damn it i hate it when he is right, lets fight!”

First of all, they’re working on the assumption that Anakin was hiding from the Jedi. Second of all, that he was hiding from the Law(Jedi). Perhaps their memory has failed them, but I’ll provide a little breakdown of how the third movie actually went so they can understand that their initial narrative is... well, to put it plainly, ‘wrong and really wrong’.

1. Separatists vs Republic battle with Obi-Wan and Anakin going after Dooku. Dooku dies by Anakin’s hands after being disarmed (this is murder btw, rules of war mean that if your opponent loses or surrenders, then you don’t kill them -- this is generally considered a war crime). 

2. Obi-Wan and Anakin talk about stuff and then Obi-Wan heads off to chase Grievous alone. This is after Anakin has been put on the Council by Palpatine even though he’s only been a Knight for a while. The Jedi do not approve, Obi-Wan is cautious and advises Anakin to be careful (Anakin ignores him by the way and continues to be friendly with Palpatine).

4. While Obi-Wan is off after Grievous, Anakin has Palpatine’s identity revealed to him. Gets played into saving him from Mace and co in order to keep Padme alive (even though she isn’t dead by the way). Anakin then goes to the Temple with a collection of Clones and helps murder every Jedi there. He purposefully murders the children in the Council chambers. 

5. Obi-Wan is nearly killed after defeating Grievous because of Order 66. He escapes and hides. Meets up with Yoda and Bail. Goes to the Temple. Finds out that Anakin killed Jedi and is heartbroken by this fact. Then he goes to Padme after being tasked by his superior to go and defeat Anakin. He tells her the truth and she refuses to believe him.

6. Padme goes to meet with Anakin who is on Mustafar, drowning in his angst-ridden guilt of now having become an accomplice to genocide. Obi-Wan tags along, knowing that Anakin and Padme love each other so much that both would forsake their duties. He hides and Padme doesn’t know. Anakin doesn’t notice.

7. Padme rejects Anakin BEFORE Obi-Wan shows himself, because she realises he’s literally gone crazy. Then Anakin turns on Padme and chokes her into unconsciousness, even though she’s heavily pregnant and he ‘loves’ her. Obi-Wan gets Anakin to focus on him and they fight.

8. They fight to the point where Obi-Wan has the high-ground and Anakin does a stupid and gets his limbs cut off. Obi-Wan leaves him to burn to death (brutal) and goes to Padme. He takes her for treatment and instead watches one of his oldest friends die while her children are made into orphans.

9. Movie ends with Anakin becoming the giant suit version of Vader and Obi-Wan on Tattooine delivering Luke to his aunt and uncle.

Anakin isn’t evading the law, aka the Jedi, he’s killed them. Obi-Wan is the one evading the law because it wants him dead. Anakin is on Mustafar because Sidious told him to take out the Sep leadership. Padme meets him there after hearing the truth from Obi-Wan and only believes it when Anakin admits it himself. Then she rejects him. Obi-Wan does his duty as a Jedi -- sworn to destroy the Sith -- and the end is that Padme dies because Anakin loses his temper and lashes out at her.

I may be Anakin apologist but considering his situation he didn’t act out of character, id be pissed off too if i contacted my wife when i am in hiding and she brings a cop there (it seemed like that to Anakin since he didn’t know Obi-wan snuck on board) before i can explain myself to my wife

Firstly, you are an Anakin apologist and he did act out of character. His behaviour after discovering Sidious’ identity and stopping Mace from killing a Sith Lord is out of character. Anakin is a bright, kind and friendly child with a temper issue. Anakin is someone who hates injustice and despises the way some people are treated by others for no other reason than because of where they were born or who they were born to. He was a slave and then he became a Jedi; he went from victim to protector. His final character jump sent him from protector to oppressor. That’s not in character, that’s specifically cultivated and justified behaviour because he puts his own needs above absolutely everything else.

He also had the chance to explain to Padme. He didn’t deny what he did and Padme actively rejected him when she realised he wasn’t sorry for what he’d done ‘in the name of love’. You’re justifying abuse and don’t even realise it.

Think of it like this, in a galaxy where there are force powers etc shit you keep seeing horrible nightmares of your wife dying, your mother gets kidnapped by space isis and killed,             you butcher the village in retaliation and tell your wife about it, after which the greatest political figure of your “country” tells you that there is a way to save your wifes life from the faith that seems foretold (like someone offering you a cure for cancer when you think your wife has cancer),            the old dude tells you you have to do something to get the cure (equivalent would probably be extracting stem cells from kids spines or something lethal), well you love your wife and can’t let her die because love,            well you go and do the dirty deed like a loving husband would can’t let your honey bun die, now you’re kind of in hiding waiting for your old dude friend to wipe out the cops (rought shit but it will all be worth it when i save my wife from certain death),            you contact your wife and tell her to meet you in some backwater planet where you two can talk it out, you can tell her why you did it and you can finally save her from her faith, your wife finally arrives the joy we are finally together, listen wife the reason i killed the younglings is “Everybody down on the ground, the Jedi man has arrived!”,            all your efforts to get the cure, all you did in the name of saving your wife and she brings a cop to execute you (that’s what he thought and can’t blame him, how the fuck did she not know Obi-Wan snuck on board?)

Firstly, Shmi Skywalker was kidnapped and tortured by Tusken Raiders on Tattooine, not ‘Space ISIS’. The settlers on Tattooine are the proverbial invaders of a planet where the Tuskens are the natural species. So your metaphor is inaccurate and shows but a lack of understanding and also a clear desire to produce extreme sympathy for Anakin. We don’t know why the Tusken’s took Shmi but it’s generally considered unusual behaviour. We do know that they have attacked farms on Tattooine before and that they have been united by an ex-Jedi at one point when Obi-Wan was in exile. This is all we know. So you’re making an assumption that they’re evil terrorists when you don’t even have the material to back you up. 

Anakin killed an entire village of Tuskens, including women and children. There is no excuse for that. Unless you think it would be acceptable for a US soldier to execute the children in an Iraqi village because some of the inhabitants were part of Al Queda? 

Obi-Wan had already informed Anakin in Attack of the Clones that ‘dreams pass in time’ referring to Anakin’s recurring problems with his dreams about his mother. Anakin didn’t inform Obi-Wan of anything after that and so Obi-Wan has no knowledge. He tried to help, in his own way. Anakin’s behaviour and fear of what he dreamt about Padme drove him to extremes of behaviour -- the love he held for her is what destroyed him because he was so selfish as to refuse to let her go.

The dangers of attachment isn’t of falling in love, it’s in that love turning into obsession which is what happened with Anakin. Palpatine used Anakin’s fears of losing Padme to sway him into his service and with Mace’s death, sealed his fate and that of Padme. 

Do you honestly think Padme would have died had she not been choked into unconsciousness by her ‘loving’ husband on a boiling planet of death, after the revelation that her husband had willingly committed genocide because of his love for her? 

If you do then there’s no hope for you.

The dialogue of the Mustafar scene is below, read it and perhaps recognise that Anakin admits to having become obsessed with power and paranoid. Perhaps also recognise how Padme only rejects him after he says he’s going to overthrow the Chancellor and together they can rule the galaxy.

Padme: Obi-Wan told me terrible things Anakin: What things? Padme: He said, you’d turned to the Dark Side. That you... killed younglings? Anakin: Obi-Wan is trying to turn you against me Padme: He cares about us Anakin: Us? Padme: He knows. He wants to help you... Anakin, all I want is your love Anakin: Love won’t save you Padme, only my new powers can do that Padme: At what cost? You’re a good person, don’t do this! Anakin: I won’t lose you the way I lost my mother. I am becoming more powerful than any Jedi has ever dreamed of. And I’m doing it for you. To protect you Padme: Come away with me. Help me raise our child. Leave everything else behind while we still can! Anakin: Don’t you see? We don’t have to run away anymore. I have brought peace to the Republic. I am more powerful than the Chancellor. I- I can overthrow him. And together you and I can rule the galaxy. Make things the way we want them to be Padme: [backs away, shaking head] I don’t believe what I’m hearing. Obi-Wan was right, you’ve changed Anakin: I don’t want to hear any more about Obi-Wan. The Jedi turned against me, don’t you turn against me Padme: I don’t know you any more. Anakin... you’re breaking my heart. You’re going down a path I can’t follow Anakin: Because of Obi-Wan?  Padme: Because of what you’ve done! What you plan to do! Stop! Stop now! Come back! I love you! Anakin: LIAR! Padme: No! Anakin: You’re with him! You brought him here to kill me! [Starts choking HIS WIFE] Obi-Wan: Let her go Anakin!

The end of this interaction is that Padme rejects Anakin for going power-mad, Anakin admits he’s become a stranger to her and then attacks her over a perceived betrayal -- out of character for someone who at the beginning of the movie thought Padme might have been cheating on him and then APOLOGISED for thinking such things in the first place. 

In conclusion to your post that I’m not going to ever reblog, but will link here so others can read it in full, I have to say that your ending paragraph is... well, a fantastic example of selective thinking and something I daresay several of my friends from my psych classes would have had a field day with the dispositional and situational bias you exhibit.

who nearly killed Anakin and Padme? Obi-wan freaking Kenobi, well done douchebag, be sure to lie to his son that Vader killed Anakin to pit a son against his own father, Obi-wan was a fantastic space cop but an asshole friend and a person in general, dude is the reason Luke’s father is a space cyborg and Padme is a corpse, but that’s not all let’s turn their son into a space cop and tell him to kill daddy cyborg, he’ll never know it was his father, if he did this could really backfire but who gives a shit ill probs be dead by then

[alizrak]

Finished watching Season 3 with my niece! (with bonus Rogue One!)

Hey! I finally finished watching Season 3 with my niece, and just like the previous two seasons, I made a compilation of most of her comments and impressions. As we had to wait for the Latin Spanish dubbed episodes to come out, we had the chance to also watch Rogue One, TPM, AtoC and the TCW movie. She had a meltdown with the S2 finale a couple of months ago so everything was still fresh for her. My own comments to her are in double brackets.

STEPS INTO SHADOW

“Where is Kanan? Why is Kanan not there? He’s always on the mission with them. Oh god, he’s dead, is he?”, ((The episode is just starting, watch)), “He’s dead in life…!! [wails]”

“WHAT? IS THAT EZRA!? How many years have passed?? I hate his new haircut, but… but he looks so grown up! And thin. Very thin. He’s a grown up noodle” (( HAHAHAHAHA)))

“Hey, I remember him! The pirate guy!”

“Woah. Ezra got a new gun”, ((blaster)), “Yes! He’s getting good! WOW! LOOK AT THOSE MOVES! Acrobatic fighting! He’s amazing now!”

“Great! He also got better with the Force. He’s going to-… [the walker scene plays out]… Oh no… Oh no! HE’S TURNING TO THE DARKSIDE! Kanan definitely didn’t teach him that! Who taught him that?? MAUL?”

“Ezra needs to chill, he’s too angry. The darkside will-… [holocron glows inside the helmet]. No. No. NO. Don’t touch the helmet. Put it down! NO. THE SITH HOLOCRON!?? NO! So dumb!! Haven’t you learn anything!?? Kanan needs to scold him! Set him straight!”

“Kanan is not there in the meeting either… ARRGH! Why wont they show him! That’s what we all want to know! They are making us suffer! [squirms on her seat]”

“FINALLY!”

“Kanan also changed, got older”, ((Just the beard))

“Is that a real voice? Is the sith holocron speaking to Kanan too? Nooo”

“Oh, ♫ here comes the scolding~! ♪”

“See? Only someone who uses the darkside can open it. Ezra’s going to use both! Light and dark”, (([poker face]))

“Yeah, take it from him. Make sure he doesn’t have it. It’s for your own good!… -[GASP] Talking back to Kanan! The nerve! He should ground him”

“Who is talking to Kanan? Is it a bad guy? He should be careful, it could be a trap”

[Bendu appears] “What is THAT!?”

“[eyes widen] Ashla? Bogan? He’s the one in the MIDDLE? THE BENDU!?? [starts going hype on her seat] SEE! THAT’S EZRA! EZRA IS LIKE HIM! Light and dark! He’s BENDU too!”

“He’s going to teach him how to see better with the Force? Neat”

“Who’s that scary blue guy”, ((His name is Grand Admiral Thrawn. He’s very intelligent and dangerous)), “I can tell”

“He can see the spiders now! And yes, yes, Ezra needs you right about now! Go!”

“Hahaha recovery operation”

“The phantom fell! D: Hera is going to be angry”

“Don’t worry Ezra. I’m so glad I know Hera and Kanan are on the way”

“Kanan should tell Ezra with the Force that he’s here to rescue him. He can do that, right?”

“He better catch him”

“Aww… they made up. Good!”

THE HOLOCRONS OF FATE

“Ezra still wants to use the holocron? Doesn’t he learn anything?”

“Oh. OH NO. MAUL. [RAGES]”

“Awesome! Bendu is going to be Ezra’s new teacher? To use the Light and the Dark?”

“I hate the spiders”

“Yeah, Sabine and Zeb are good, but they are no match against MAUL”

“Well, Kanan might have forgive him, but I still think THIS IS YOUR FAULT EZRA! HE WILL NEVER SEE HERA’S FACE! Ugh! I want to punch him!… and maybe hug him later, but slap him for sure!”

“Loook awaaaaay. LISTEN TO YOUR DAD”

((Who do you think Maul’s talking about? )) “Well, of course… [roll eyes] Obi Wan”

ANTILLES EXTRACTION

“Uuuh Sabine is going into the academy! Sneaky!”

“It’s nice that Ezra is worried about her”

[Kallus finds them] “Oh no, Agent Kallus is going to sto-…” [stares at me in disbelief] D: “Did he just… became a good guy?” ((Well, he still owed Zeb, remember)) “Yeah… you might be right”

HERAS’S HEROES

“Why are they risking going inside? Just for… that thing?”

“That blue guy will figure out she was a spy. He’s good.”

“See, he did.”

THE LAST BATTLE

“Those are the same droids we fight on Disney Infinity! This is awesome!” Note: She hasn’t seen clone wars or PT at this point.

“They have Zeb as a prize? Hahahaha”

“How was Rex programmed? Is he a also half robot?”

“Uhm… Ezra is good making friends”

“Yay! They got a new ship!”

IMPERIAL SUPERCOMMANDOS

“Who’s that again?” ((Fenn Rau)) “….who?”

“Why are the Mandalorians attacking them?”

“Her mom is BAD?”

“Hahahahaha, Ezra’s worried about his personal space! Look at his face!”

“They should just beat another mandalorian and steal his jetpack so Ezra can fly away with her”

“NO! THE JETPACK WAS SHOT!”

“She’s going to fix it, right?”

IRON SQUADRON

“They are going to regret not following Hera’s orders”

“Woah, Ezra, you are all mature now…. IS STILL YOUR FAULT KANAN LOST HIS EYES THO!”

“I think I can understand what Chopper says now”

“Now THAT is a Star Destroyer”

“Ezra and the others should just have left them” ((HAHAHAHAHA))

The Wynkahthu Job

“Yeah… Ezra trusts the wrong people easily. Like Maul. THANKS EZRA”

AN INSIDE MAN

“Who is that guy again?”, ((Ryder. From Season 2. The man who told Ezra his parents were dead)) “Uhmm….:|”

“Wait… is Thrawn going to make him ride the bike?… uh-oh… is he injured or…?” ((He’s gone)) “HE EXPLODED?”

“I LOVE WHEN THEY STEAL THE UNIFORMS. They just look at each other and it’s like they know what the other is thinking!” ((That’s kind of an ability with the Force too…)) “It’s awesome”

“Oh… there he is. Agent Kallus again. Ugh. Heh, at least he doesn’t know-… NOPE. HE KNOWS! HE KNOWS! …wait WHAT? He’s HELPING THEM? HE IS FULCRUM!? WHAT!? WHAAAAAAAAAT? He’s been a guy good all along?? BUT HE HURT THEM BEFORE!” ((It’s been only recently… maybe since that episode with Zeb. He helped Sabine, right?)) “YEAH BUT-… why does he stays with the Empire then!?” ((He’s a spy. He needs to keep face!)) “Is he going to come along with them?”

“WHAT? How… How does Thrawn knows what are they going to do?? He’s TOO SMART! D:”

“Ah, Ezra is smart by using the other walker as cover… small cover but its something”

“Oh, was that woman the wife of the guy who exploded? His… young wife? She does look young.”

“Thrawn knows it’s Kallus. He KNOWS it’s him. Thrawn is too smart! D:”

VISIONS AND VOICES

“That was a voice. Someone is calling Ezra. uh-oh… Ezra is going crazy”

“Oh no, no, no, no… it’s Maul, right? It has to be Maul”

“TELL THEM EZRA! SO MOM AND DAD CAN HELP YOU!”

“NO! IT’s RIGHT BEHIND-… WHAT HAPPENED TO HIM! IS EZRA DEAD!? He just fainted right? RIGHT? Oh, look at them…! They are all worried about him! EVERYONE IS WORRIED ABOUT EZRA! THEY ALL LOVE HIM” [starts sobbing] ((hahahahah, yeah, they all worry about-…wait… are you actually crying??)) “YES. They have become a real family! I’m so proud of them! They care about each other! It’s so beautiful!” (( [comforts/hugs her] o___________o [POTENTIAL DEAD OF KANAN AND EZRA STARTS MAKING ME FUCKING SWEAT] ))

“Look at them! They are waiting by his bedside! [dries tears]” (( .____. -OMFG- ))

“He is REALLY going crazy”

“Bendu is going to help them right?”

“Don’t turn around, don’t turn around, don’t- WAAAAAAAH!”

“He’s not your apprentice! Go Kanan! KILL HIM!”

“Well, Maul is right. They do need to defeat the sith. Uhmm… ok”

“He’s not going to hurt Ezra, is he?” ((No, remember when he said he was only loyal to him?)) “Yeah, but I thought he was lying… and because he keeps hurting his friends”

“oh, nonononono… Maul’s starting to talking about himself. I hate when he does that because it makes me care for him. His past is so sad” ((shitshitshitshitshit))

“They killed everyone… all his people”

“What is that place?”

“Is that a lightsaber?” ((Yep… you have seen it. Remember the fight we saw? Of Maul vs Lord Sidious?)) “Uh… yeah, where he kills his brother” (( Maul also had another lightsaber. A black one)) “Oh, that’s right, who made that one? A sith?” ((No… keep watching ;) ))

“Sabine would surely know”

“wait… is he… IS HE GOING TO MAKE EZRA DRINK ALCOHOL!?” ((uh… no, that’s like a dark magic potion)) “IT IS ALCOHOL. EZRA CANT DRINK THAT! He’s not 18 yet!!” ((… yeah, he’s 17 but that still not alcohol)) “It is! LOOK! Maul just toasted with him!” ((No, it is not)) “Ezra is coughing. It is totally alcohol…” ((….I…. ok… ))

“What did they just see? I don’t understand” (( A desert planet with two suns… Tatooine)) “oooohhh… that’s right. Obi Wan.”

“What’s that-! GHOSTS! GET AWAY! DONT LET THEM TOUCH YOU!”

“NOOO THEY TOOK KANAN AND SABINE! NOOO! ITS YOUR FAULT, EZRA! AGAIN!”

“Master versus Student. Nope. NOPE. NOPE”

“FIGHT IT, KANAN! You are the best! You can shake their control!”

“Ezra needs to bring the others outside the cave. Lure them”

“…. like brothers? He misses his family. But is he going to hurt Ezra now??… uh? HE LEFT?” ((Yep. He’s not going to hurt him.)) “Woah… maybe he is loyal to him after all. Evil loyal”

“How is it possible that Sabine is using that lightsaber?? SHE DOESNT KNOW HOW!”

“Ezra, you are a genius!”

“Sabine is going to take the lightsaber with her, right? Just like the jetpack. AWESOME”

( BONUS COMMENTS FROM ROGUE ONE!!)

I wasn’t able to take my niece to Rogue One when it came out because she was off on vacation during the holidays, so I was waiting for the blu-ray to come out. To start, my niece understands this is “3.5” on the timeline. Rebels’ placement is still a little confusing for her. These were her comments and impressions.

Who’s that? why are they looking for them?“

Woah… those troopers… they don’t look the same. ((Death troopers)) Uh-oh.

What… what’s going on? I don’t understand. Why are they leaving the girl? ALONE?

Is that the bad guy from Rebels? ((You mean Tarkin? No. His name is Krennic)) what a weird name…

Trust the Force? Is she a Jedi like Ezra and Kanan?

Where is Darth Vader? Is Darth Vader in this movie?

And now she’s an orphan. Great. They should have just ran.

Why is she in prison? What did she do!?

WHERE ARE WE NOW? What’s going on!?? Why aren’t they explaining anything!??

Why did he shot that guy!? Is he really a good guy? Why-? What-?

WHAT

Ok, so… there’s a message… and that guy brought it and… it’s important for someone called Saw Guerrera? Who send it again?

So her father is with the Empire and made the Death Star? He was forced to do so, I guess.

They want to KILL HER DAD? Are these really the Rebels we know?? ((They think he’s making more weapons, they want to stop him))

K2 is really funny.

That guy looks Mexican. ((He is)) HE IS!? OH! GREAT! Did he have problems with his accent? ((They kept his accent… there are many accents in Star Wars)) Oh, that’s good! :D [NOTE: We are Mexican]

What are they going to do to the pilot?? ((read his mind with that monster)) But he is not lying and he could lose his mind! ((Well, Saw Guerrera is an extremist, right?)) Overkill.

[Chirrut appears] Oh no… no. NO! HE REMINDS ME OF KANAN! HIS EYES! NOOO!

Kyber Crystals? ((Jedi use that for their lightsabers. Like Ezra, remember? It makes the laser.)) Oh… OOOOH, that’s right!

Is he a Jedi? ((Nope. A guard. He feels the Force but can’t use it like Ezra and Kanan))

Jyn can fight!

The blind guy is going to kick everyone’s butt…. THERE.

Hahahaha he’s blind. It won’t matter if they cover his face.

Why does Saw sound like that? ((There is something wrong with his lungs.)) The actor’s or the character’s? ((The Character))

He left her! He raised and left her! But why? He seems to like her enough.

[Galen’s message plays] oh… he did all of this… for her… [sniffles] …this is the first time I cry with a movie.

They are not shooting the Death Star right at them, right? RIGHT? OH NO. RUN! RUN!

He still wants to kill her dad?? He can’t do that! He wants to save them!

Chirrut is going to feel his bad intentions with the Force.

Does he look like a killer? xD Hahahaha.

Yay, the Rebels are sending help. ((Not, really, they are going to bomb the lab)) WHAT!? NO!!

Why won’t she start shooting!? Kill Krennic! He’s right there!

Grab your dad and get out of there!… oh, he’s not going to make it? It didn’t look that bad… :(

What planet is this? (( "Where Jedi go to die?”)) oh. OOOOH.

Hahaha Krennic is scared. Darth Vader is so intimidating.

Ohhhh, hahahaha, that was a great joke. He’s good! xD

They don’t believe her? bah… I would believe her.

((Did you hear that?)) Huh? ((They are calling for General Syndulla)) Yeah. (( Hera Syndulla)) Yeah, so? ….. [beat] …. [eyes widen] HERA? HERA SYNDULLA!? IS SHE IN THE MOVIE!? WHERE!? WHERE!? ((It was just a mention)) For the fans?

Sorry, I’m trying to see if I can spot anyone from Rebels in the background. ((Not yet. I’ll tell you when))

Will the others come too? Are they volunteering? That’s good. But they are so few…

[Jyn gives the speech] You know… I want you to know… I love how the main character is a woman in the new movies. It’s just so cool. Like with Rey. I love it. (( I know))

Why is Hera not helping them? (( I don’t know, maybe she had another mission?))

What a pretty planet. Was all that made with the computer? ((Most of that place is real… the bigger buildings are not)) With like… all the little islands and stuff? ((Yep! Is a beautiful place! Maldives, I believe)) Woah.

Hahaha they stole the uniforms. Classic.

You know, I like how Star Wars doesn’t show much blood everywhere. They get shot but is not like BLEARGH IM BLEEDING OUT. I rather watch it like this.

[I pause it just in time] ((DO YOU SEE HIM??)) CHOPPER! THERE’S CHOPPER!! I LOVE HIM!

Wooo! Here they come helping! YEAH!

WALKERS! RUN! RUNRUNRUNRUN!

They closed the barrier! They need to send the files through WiFi? ((Uhm…Yeah, kinda? lol ))

THERE’S THE GHOST! [several times through the battle]

Oh No, they are shooting K2. No. No, no, no. Please… not him… oh no.

Chirrut… the Force is with him…

Throw the granade away Bhodi-!…too late…

They are all dying.

She’s very strong to be able to climb like that. Crossfit?

I can imagine Hera flying through all of that and like Kanan and Zeb on the turrets shooting at all those TIE. ((We don’t know if Kanan and Ezra are around at this time. Yoda says Luke is the last Jedi on the other movies)) [looks at me dead serious] I don’t care what Yoda says. I don’t care if Luke is not the last Jedi. All I care is that Ezra and Kanan are alive. That’s it! They already took his eyes! THAT’S ENOUGH!“

Send the files through the wifi! NOW!

Who’s there in the hallway? As long as is not-… yeah, it’s him. They are dead.

Oh, OH, RUN. NOW! GO GO GO! Hahahaha [CHEERS] THEY DID IT! IT WAS A CLOSE CALL!

[GASPS] PRINCES LEIA! How did they make her look so young!?? AMAZING!

GHOSTS OF GEONOSIS

"SAW GUERRERA!”

“Where is Jyn? Is she going to show up here?”

“Kanan can sense him with the force”

“Woah Kanan is amazing! So cool! He’s the best!”

“hahaha, not a Skywalker”

“Those droids are too much for Zeb and Sabine”

“I think the alien bug is scared”

“Saw is really extreme”

“Ezra is good at making friends”

“When will Saw get his funny voice?”

“NOOOO, he only wants to protect the egg! Saw is being just MEAN!”

“Poor Klic-Klac! STOP HIM EZRA! SLASH HIS HAND OFF!… ok, you can tackle him too, fine”

“Sabine got her jetpack fixed! YAY! She’s going to kick their butts!!”

WARHEAD

“Well, AP5 is not wrong. Zeb is kinda like the muscle of the group. He’s not that smart”

“Woah, that robot is scary”

[The droid returns to the Star Destroyer] “They are screwed” ((because the droid is going to explode?)) “No, because Thrawn will know at least one his droids did found the Rebels.” ((…. O______O…. ))

“See? He now knows they are in one of those planets the droids visited. He’s too smart!”

TRIALS OF THE DARKSABER

“Uh… so this Mandalorian Jedi must have been, like, super cool”

“SABINE’S ROOM IS AWESOME! [SQUEAL]”

“Why is Sabine’s family angry with her? THEY ARE FAMILY”

“She doesn’t want the responsibility…. Heraaaa don’t push her”

“You know… [a little embarrassed] I kinda wish Sabine and Ezra had a thing together.” ((I don’t know if Sabine cares for Ezra like that. They don’t have time for dating anyway)) “There’s nothing wrong if she does… I mean… when she’s older and she wants kids” (( …even after the war, that might be complicated)) “But if she does…” ((…maybe… but so far they are like siblings)) “But they aren’t. They can end up happy together like Kanan and Hera” (( [stares ahead] Yes… end up happy like Kanan and Hera… o_____o [♪ HELLO DARKNESS MY OLD FRIEND ]))

“She needs to be careful with the darksaber or she will get hurt- AAAAAAAAAH! DID SHE LOSE HER HAND!?” ((no, she just signed it)) “She’s going to get angry”

[Sabine opens up] “….woah….”

“They will fight for her. They are family”

LEGACY OF MANDALORE

“Uh, I don’t understand what she’s saying. What is she speaking?” ((Mandalorian))

“I bet one of those Mandalorians is a sibling of hers. That one must be her brother” (( O_O ok…)) “SEE!”

“She’s in trouble with her mom!”

“Ezra is so silly and cute at the same time. Just shut up, hahahaha”

“So sad. Her dad is a prisoner… Maybe Ezra and Kanan can help her rescue him. That would make everyone happy and they would join”

“[GASP] Her mom is a traitor! She will betray Sabine! HOW DARE SHE!?”

“Ezra is such a gentleman, giving Sabine his lightsaber to defend herself” ((xD))

“Is no one really going to help her!? REALLY??”

“She can fix her jetpack, right?”

“She’s not a normal Mandalorian. Maybe she- [GASP] SHE GOT SHOT!? OH GOD, NOO!! HE SHOT HER!… ah, ok, it was her mom. GOOD JOB MOM!”

“Wa-wait… she’s staying!? WHAT!…. [sigh] Ok, ok, she’s right. She needs to save her dad and her people… [beat]… IS SHE NOT GOING TO GIVE EZRA A GOODBYE HUG!??”

THROUGH IMPERIAL EYES

[GASP] “What is Ezra doing here!?”

“He knows Fulcrum is Kallus, right??”

“YEAH! This is really dangerous Ezra! What were you thinking!?…Oh. They might know of Kallus? ok, then that’s fine then. They will need to flee quickly”

“What are those lizard things in Thrawn’s office?”

“Thrawn knows is Kallus. He knows. He’s just waiting for him to slip”

“Hahaha stop doing that… good old times”

“Not even Thrawn’s stormtroopers can resist the mind trick”

“Ezra! Push the rock on top of Thrawn! USE THE FORCE NOW! SQUISH HIM!”

“They think Ezra is Lyste. So funny!”

“‘You want to fill me in?’… :( … I keep forgeting Kanan can’t see… uuugh, WAAAAaaah! Why!? WHYYY!… [sigh]… seems like I’ll have to resign myself that he will stay like this forever…”

“W-what? Is Kallus staying!? AFTER ALL THEY WENT THROUGH!? IS HE STUPID? Thrawn knows it’s him! SO DUMB!”

“See? SEEE!? THRAWN KNOWS! UUUUUGH! [throws arms up] Great! GOOD JOB KALLUS!”

SECRET CARGO

“That droid again!”

“Uh-oh, these Rebel groups don’t like each other”

“Ezra knows how to fly those ships! Thanks Hera! He will make you proud!”

“That’s… that woman from the news” ((Do you remember her from Rogue One? The one that told Jyn they couldn’t do anything in the meeting)) “oh, right… so she joins the Rebels now”

“THE GHOST IS BURNING! NO HERA! NO! STOP! NOT THE GHOST. ITS YOUR BABY”

“Well, those ships really got there fast… like… too fast. She stopped talking and 'Hey! We are here!’. Weird.”

DOUBLE AGENT DROID

“Hahahah AP5 and Chopper are so funny”

“They are going to hack Chopper!? FIGHT IT CHOPPER!”

“AP5’s going to realize something is wrong. He’s being too nice”

“Careful with the codes! and with the base location!”

“No!… AP5 is lost in space! They can go back for him, right?”

“Yeah! Don’t mess with her droid!”

“YEAAAH EXPLOSIONS! Sabine would love this! Too bad she’s not here.”

“HAHAHAHAHAHA, He’s singing! HAHAHAHAHA”

TWIN SUNS

“Who’s that… Maul…”

“Easy Maul. I know a way to bring Kenobi out. Just use a kid. A young one preferably. That should work. It’s what I would do if I was evil… see? He’s going to use Ezra” (( [nervous laugh] ))

“I still don’t get it” ((What?)) “Why does Maul want to kill Obi Wan? What does he expect to happen?” ((Maybe feel better?)) “But Maul already made him suffer before and did nothing for him… now he wants to kill him again?” ((He doesn’t know any other way to fix the way he feels)) “Uhmmm… [unconvinced]”

“That’s Kanan’s room… but where is Kanan??” (( [holding back a 'ON HERAS ROOM! YEAH’]))

“Why won’t they let him go? Hera… don’t be so strict. He’s a grown teenager now. Kanan can go with him and it would be quick”

“He’s going… ALONE?… ARE YOU KIDDING ME!? Ezra! He’s Maul! MAUL! You can’t beat MAUL alone! He’s way more experienced than you! Even if you got better, you don’t have a chance against him! Leave that to the grown ups!”

“It’s amazing what the Holocrons can do”

“Of course it was a trap”

“[worried look on her face] You know… When Ezra hears Maul’s voice and makes him go a little crazy… I fear he will end up evil like Anakin”

“He should have stayed home”

“OBI WAN! HE CAME TO RESCUE HIM”

“OH MY GOD! THERE HE IS! Is he going to teach Ezra too??”

“Aw… ok, he needs to leave. Yep, he was manipulated. Kenobi will deal with that. Ezra has no business here”

“Does Maul want to get slashed through the middle, AGAIN?”

“He’s protecting… OH THAT’S RIGHT! LUKE!”

[Maul and Obi Wan prepare to fight] ((That’s Qui-Gon’s pose… the one he used when Maul killed him)) “oooooh”

“Bye bye lightsaber and… wait… Obi Wan got him too!?”, ((Yep, on the chest))

“THE CHOSEN ONE! Obi Wan must feel awful because he believed Anakin was the Chosen before and loved him, but at least he has Luke now”

“Is Maul bipolar or what. First he wants to kill Obi Wan, then he gets all emotional being held by him like he loves him… He can’t make up his mind. Oh well, at least the Chosen One will avenge him, that’s what mattered to him”

“Is… is Ezra keeping that ship!? Woah!”

“The family is back together! As it should be!”

ZERO HOUR

“Thrawn knows about the attack. Well… Kallus better tell the others.”

“Wait… WAIT. THAT’S EZRA’S ROOM! From the begining!” ((Kallus is sending his messages from that tower)) “SO COOL!”

“…what… THRAWN! Oh no…”

“Thrawn is going to win this fight… I don’t even know why Kallus thinks he can win. Just flee!”, ((He needs the message to reach them, he can’t leave before that))

“Those are the black troopers! From Rogue One! The really good ones!” ((Yep! Death Troopers))

“Heh, they had erased the planet from the maps… just like what happened with Kamino in the movies… but they couldn’t fool Thrawn either” ((Yeah, exactly, good catch. -Note: We saw TPM, AotC and TCW movies at this point… still need to watch RotS))

“Kanan still needs to teach him more things like a father… see? Ezra is right. Teach him more about life!”

“Wait, they even have a code signal to evacuate the whole base?” ((Well, yes, they need codes to know what to do, they are in war after all!))

“Heh, Kanan needs to go for Bendu”

“They can’t enter hyperspace… they can’t escape!”

“Mmmh… I don’t think Bendu is going to help them”

“What is Sato going to do? He rather die with a few…? Ok then”

“Oh… he rammed into the other ship-…WAIT! WHERE IS KALLUS!? He’s not in that one right? Oh! Phew! He was on the other ship with Thrawn. That was close”

“Well, now Hera is officially in charge of the whole base… not surprising”

“Kanan is making him angry. I think Bendu will end up attacking both sides”

“I still wonder if Ezra will end up in the Middle, like Bendu…”

“Why is he asking Mon Mothma for help?” ((She kinda became one of the leaders of the Rebellion, remember? When all the other ships showed up in the previous episodes)) “They won’t help… how ungrateful. Now what is Ezra going to do?” [“SABINE”] “What… WHAT? SABINE?? He can’t bring her into this! She has her own problems at home! He shouldn’t put her in more danger and there’s little they both can do!” ((He means her family, the Mandalorian)) “SNORTS HA! THEM? Please! The Mandalorians only care for their own people and their wars. You saw that. They are not going to help the Rebels just like that” (( [speechless] ))

“What is Thrawn’s plan now?” ((Attack them on ground and capture the higher ranks)) “What…? Why?” ((If he captures Hera and Dodona, he might be able to extract more information about the Rebellion and make an example of them by executing them later)) “Bah, Hera would die before revealing anything” ((They do have torture droids but they haven’t shown them in the show because this is for kids… they are very effective)) “Nah, Hera wouldn’t talk even then, they would have to kill her”

“How do shields work?” (( Sorry, I don’t know. Technology in Star Wars is sometimes a little fantastic… it just works)) “[unconvinced]”

“Oh no…. KANAN. KANAN FIND COVER NOW. NO. NO. NO! HE’S BLIND! STOP SHOOTING AT HIM!”

“That’s just funny because you are live! hahahahaha… yeah”

“I hate that they make Kanan 'look’ by turning his head around like he can still see. It confuses me…”

“I told you… the Mandalorians aren’t going to help Ezra”

“Ok, it won’t be an army… but I hope that’s enough to help them escape”

“Yeah, Kallus is not like Thrawn. He’s not blue! hahahahaha”

“Zeb and Rex are really good friends… I love how they fight together”

“They even brought those walkers! D:”

“The death troopers! They better run!”

“This is cliché… there’s a storm comming because OF COURSE it is [rolls eyes]” ((Isn’t it strange? This is a desert planet after all)) “Yeah, they have to get a storm in the story to make it feel more dramatic” ((well, you are not wrong but…))

“Ezra is here! Everybody run-!… HAHAHHAHA look how AP5 runs! HAHAHAHAH!”

“oh… is that… IS THAT BENDU?…”

“Ezra has a space suit!! HOW COOL!”

“Bendu is really going to attack both sides… Kanan better run. He’s reaaally angry at him”

“He’s the light, the dark, the one in the middle… it would be better if he was the one in charge of everything, instead of the Emperor. There wouldn’t be any fights” (( I’m… not sure about that))

“HAH! Thrawn thinks he can kill Bendu!… He-…what…he shot him down? WHAT!??? HE CAN’T DO THAT!”

“Is Pryce really going to throw him out to space??” ((did you catch Kallus’ smile there?)) “Yes! Maybe those two troopers are also spies of the Rebellion and they are going to help him escape!?” ((Erh… keep watching)) “Oh, well, that’s ok too… he’s very good fighting after all… only Thrawn has defeated him that badly”

“Is time to flee!”

“Do you see that Pryce!?? HUH! IN YOUR FACE! THEY ARE ESCAPING IN YOUR FACE! UUHH!! WOOOOOH!! [dances in front of the tv]”

[Bendu dissapears] “Heh…surprised, Thrawn?”

“Aaaaw… I don’t think I ever heard someone praising Kallus for a job well done like that… this is great, they are so accepting”

“They will make it happen!”

EXTRA:

Reaction to the Season 4 trailer: “Wait- wait… ’End like this’? Does- does she mean like 'in a good way’ or 'a bad way’?” ((…we don’t know…)) “Woah, this is very fast paced, very epic! Looks great!”

When told Season 4 is the last one: “WHAT!? WHY? Rebels is so good! What are they thinking? I still want more! They can’t do this!” [excruciating sounds]

When shown Forces of Destiny announcement and dolls: “They look amazing! I want to watch that series too and I want the dolls for Sabine, Ahsoka and Hera… there IS a Hera doll, right??” ((I sure hope so kiddo))

In general, I’m really freaking nervous with Season 4 because Kanan is pretty much her favorite character, and in her eyes Hera and Kanan are definitely together, being Ezra’s adoptive mom and dad. Her crying when Ezra fainted in Visions and Voices caught me completely off guard. He had just fainted. Dear lord, I don’t want think the problem I’m going to have in my hands with her mom if she returns home an emotional mess if they die. I don’t know about other target audience, but she made it clear to me during Rogue One that they MUST be alive. And I’m just here, praying and hoping she’s right.

Submitted May 10, 2017 at 01:00PM via reddit http://ift.tt/2q3ZzsQ

[nspx]

Tumblr user Nina nspx’s star wars fic rec vol. 2

An anon asked me for an ahsoka/anakin fic rec and i accidentally deleted the ask (i’m dumb!!) BUT because i love ahsoka and i love anakin and i love their relationship and how they helped each other, i’m gonna do a completely separate fic rec for the anon (i hope u see this lmao sorry for deleting the ask). 

but anyway, since the last time i did a rec i had 22 bookmarks on ao3 (i did the last one on october 19th 2015?? how time flies) and now i have like 80+, i decided to do much more than just an anakin/ahsoka rec, but a general star wars fic res

DISCLAIMER: none of these fics feature anakin/ahsoka in a sexual relationship because i am Not About That BUT they do feature other pairings. anyhow. 

These are fics u need to read. need to. sorry, i don’t make the rules. this is gonna be so long. i’m sorry (not)

AHSOKA/ANAKIN

A River Flowing by Barkour

A shadow has left the force, but other threats remain as Padmé and Anakin prepare for the birth of their child.

Part 2 of Peachy

The only issue i have with this fic is that it hasn’t been updated in forever. It’s so good tho!! i’m pretty sure i read this one at least four times. anakin doesn’t go evil (which is something the anon asked for!! here u go) but not everything is perfect - duh, it is a star wars fic, we don’t know what happiness is here - and AHSOKA IS SO WELL WRITTEN!! so good. it also dives into life after the jedi, being a civilian, being dirt-poor and living on coruscant and ALSO!! padme/ahsoka is well developed in this. so good. so great. 10/10 must read

Assassination Attempt No. 23 by pieandsouffle

Tatooine's only senator (or, indeed, one of the only people from that desert planet who is capable of reading and writing, or actually understands what the word 'politics' means), Anakin Skywalker, seems to be one of those rare individuals who attract bounty hunters like flies zero in on a bantha corpse.

The senator!anakin au. what more do u need in life? shenanigans ensue

Old Shadows by Sildae for Windona

Ahsoka asks Anakin about his past after the events on Kadavo and Zygerria.

My babies. My poor heart. 

Obi-Wan and the Terrible Horrible No Good Very Bad (Life) Day by wreckageofstars

It's Obi-Wan Kenobi's life day, but good luck telling the galaxy that.

Anakin and Ahsoka are little shits. obi wan and padme are drinking buddies?? sign me the fuck up. the end

hold on to me, 'cause i'm a little unsteady (ws!obi-wan au) by QueenWithABeeThrone

the one where Obi-wan falls off a ship and gets the Winter Soldier treatment, Anakin doesn't fall to the Dark Side but still loses his limbs, Ahsoka can fly with a one-of-a-kind wing-pack, and Padmé gives birth to twins and a Rebellion.

TBH. SO GOOD. ANAKIN AND AHSOKA ARE AWESOME IN THIS. ALSO IN THIS SERIES BY THE SAME AUTHOR:

angels choking on their haloes QueenWithABeeThrone

Anakin hadn’t been lying, when he said he could never kill Obi-wan like he was being asked to, no matter what Obi-wan’s become.

or: Mustafar, in reverse.

Part 1 of hold on to me, 'cause i'm a little unsteady (ws!obi-wan au)

GO READ THIS. it’s unfinished (hasn’t been updated since early 2016, i weep) BUT. still worth a read. really worth it. the second part of this verse ends on the nastiest, most delicious cliffhanger. I WEEP

and hey, a honorary mention, since i haven’t actually read this fic but it was in my ao3 history 

Perturbations by the_dragongirl

Anakin makes a different choice, the day Ahsoka leaves the Jedi Order. His actions will determine which of the many possible points of balance in the Force will become the new equilibrium

Part 1 of A Shift in Equilibrium

this has a lot of kudos so?? what the hell. give it a read and tell me what you think

this is it for the anakin/ahsoka part of the rec

OTHER

Fundamental Force Carriers by tanarill

The Sith Lord Darth Vader lived his life. He probably didn't live it well, but he lived it as well as he knew how. At the end there, he'd even managed to woman up and kill Sidious. But he was dying, and at peace with the past.

The past wasn't at peace with him.

Part 1 of Probability Matrices

honestly, this fic is just SU CH a delight. it’s well written, it’s got some real cool science facts for your everyday nerd needs BUT IT’S ALSO THE CRACKIEST CRACKFIC TO EVER CRACK. like. vader dies and goes back in time and he’s got 0 fucks to give about the jedi’s opinion?? he’s here to make things right whether the jedi like it or not??? such a funny, amazing fic. 12/10 on this. nice. 

Echoes of Mortis by wreckageofstars

Post-Mortis Arc AU. In a universe where the Father failed to take away Anakin's vision of the future, the Hero With No Fear struggles with the knowledge of what he will become and the knowledge of who, exactly, is responsible. Drastic steps are taken and in the process things go a little bit...sideways.

tbh. so good. also a post-mortic fic (i’m a hoe for mortis). i won’t say too much about this one because i don’t want to spoil anything. i was on the edge of my seat while reading this fic AT ALL TIMES. AT ALL TIMES. I HAD TO READ THE LAST CHAPTER BEFORE READING ON TO MAKE SURE ANAKIN WOULDN’T GO ALL EVIL. i was so pleasantly surprised. it’s just so - poetic. anakin really does a lot of growing in this, i think. brilliant fic 

those immortal dead by notbecauseofvictories

I care more for that long age which I shall never see than for the little of Time that I hold

Padmé Amidala is forgotten, not gone.

This is a five times padme amidala’s legacy lived on, basically. it’s got poe in it as well!! and rey, my daughter. what more do you need from a fic? so well written, so poignant, so beautiful

Palpatine Ad Portas by izzythehutt

When the Emperor Palpatine moves the Empire Day Celebration to Naboo, Darth Vader is forced to confront a past he had thought better buried and forgotten. Admiral Piett becomes the reluctant confidante of the monarch, caught in the middle of a deadly Sith cat-and-mouse mind game. Meanwhile, the young Rebel who blew up the Death Star returns to his mother's home world to pay his respects on the anniversary of her death--unaware of his father and the Emperor's presence on the planet and the very grave danger he is in.

Part 2 of In Loco Pirates-Verse

fucked me up really bad, tbh. vader goes to naboo. luke is there. it’s brilliant, but so painful. read at your own risk (but do read it)

Hello From the Other Side by DarthNickels

Kylo Ren is destined to take up the mantle of Vader. The Force can be incredibly literal.

MY FAVOURITE IMPERIAL OFFICER PIETT IS IN THIS!!! and he hates kylo so much, he thinks he’s such a pale imitation of vader, he’s so disgusted by him. i live for it. 10/10

The Sith Who Brought Life Day by ophelia_interrupted for Binder-lover

An Imperial officer loses a bet and has to get Darth Vader a present for Life Day.

i feel like this is such a star wars fic classic that everyone’s already read ages ago except me. the style on this feels really like. (don’t judge me if i’m way off on this lmao) catcher in the rye. reminds me old american classics. that type of feel. it’s so good!!

Into the Archives by skygawker

After hearing the legend of Darth Plagueis the Wise from Palpatine, Anakin decides that his best chance to save Padme is to break into the restricted Holocron Vault of the Temple Archives to search for information about Plagueis. Predictably, all does not go according to plan. Revenge of the Sith AU.

My tiny son anakin is such a mess in this. and you can tell this is au because anakin and obi wan actually talk about anakin’s feelings?? what?? what are those?? anyway. so good. it hasn’t been updated since feb 2016 but like?? my fics havent been since july 2015. figures

for a hundred miles through the desert by wreckageofstars

[“There's no water, on Tatooine,” Luke said finally. “I mean, no large bodies of water, like you have on other planets. Pools, lakes. Oceans.”

“Well, yeah,” Han said, eyebrow raised at the sudden change of subject, tone still sharper than he meant for it to be. “Place is a dustball. So?”

The kid still wouldn't look at him.

“So,” he said, face carefully blank, like it so often was these days, “I never learned how to swim.”]

Han has a hard time coming to terms with Luke's fall to the dark side during Dark Empire; so does Luke. 

This is some serious EU shit, but it’s pretty good on its own as an AU scenario. I LOVE the meta on this. love

and rise, rise in the desert sand by hollytrees

Padmé and Anakin keep in touch after TPM.

(Or, the author has started writing Fialleril's Pen Pals AU, possibly because they hate themselves.)

THIS ONE IS SO PAINFUL AND HAS SO MUCH POTENTIAL!! it’s got one chapter but it’s so worth it

Never Heed by dogmatix, norcumi

The Sith Emperor is dead.

A clone visits one more pyre in his long life.

Part 4 of Ghosts of 66

This is Rex coming to Vader’s pyre. fuck mE UP. like HONESTLY. THERE’S ONE BIT IN THIS THAT MAKES ME WANNA CURL UP AND CRY EVERY TIME. actually two bits. three bits. the whole damn story. anyhow

Mercy is the Mighties' Jewel by akathecentimetre for TheCrackedKatana

They've chased each other all over the world - yet somehow, they will always end up here. Modern-day spy!AU with illustration by JakartaInn.

The Obi-wan and Ventress spy au of your dreams. what more do i need to say?

TFA FIC

to lie with your soul in the grave by plinys

Poe casts a glance at the door, he can see their mothers through the semi-transparent glass, it’s too quiet to hear them talk, but he knows whatever it is it can’t be good. The kid sitting next to him seems to have the same idea.

“So, who talks first?” Poe says, breaking the silence between them.

Tbh.. don’t judge but when tfa came out i liked kylo (i’m more.. conflicted about him now) and i read a lot of kylo fic in that time period. i was never a reylo, so i read a lot of other kylo fic, which was mostly either kyhux or kylo/poe WHICH THIS FIC IS ABOUT. THEY KNEW EACH OTHER GROWING UP. THEY WERE IN LOVE. all i remember from this fic is that it’s so well written. give it a read if you’re into this sort of thing

I read like three more kylo/poe fics that are also very good, so. anyway. here goes

saying that I love him but I know I'm gonna leave him byselenedaydreams

“This could be us one day.” Poe whispers half to himself as he finally turns towards Ben, finding a curious expression on his face. “This could be us.” He repeats, this time with more excitement. “You and me. Pilot and copilot. Traveling the universe together.”

Poe has never seen Ben smile at him the way he’s smiling now but Ben’s reaching for his hand and lacing their fingers together so it must be good. “Together.”

Lost To Me by red0aktree

Poe met Ben Solo when he was too young to even know what it meant to meet someone.

Poe met Kylo Ren years later.

Separating the prince of the First Order from the boy he grew up with proves more difficult than the pilot could ever imagine.

Melting Away by SF2187

Before he was Kylo Ren, he was in love with the best pilot in the Republic.

what i like about these fics is that (from what i remember) they don’t erase the fact that kylo is a raging asshole now. nice

excavate me (from all the girls I've tried to be) by Shadows_of_a_Dream

“Rise, Skywalker.”

“I told you,” Rey hisses through gritted teeth. “He’s gone.” Like everyone else. Like all the girls I’ve tried to be. Like all the girls I might have yet become, because I’m going to die alone on this unknown sea.

The mask returns his lightsaber to his belt. And like a crashing wave, like a renewed flame, like the weight of a planet falling squarely upon her shoulders, the mask looks at her and says, “I was talking to you.”

Part 1 of I never asked to tread the skies (but if I shall, I suppose I'll fly)

This one is so... intense. so intense. and so good. 20/10

need somewhere to begin by doubtthestars

Anthology of the War

1//The first time she officially meets Poe, she divulges secrets that aren't hers to tell. 2// If he had been born in any other family, Ben Solo would have been a soldier. 3// When she sees Rey, Leia only has a brief moment to reflect on all of their wrongs.

Read. That is all.

Trial by nymja

Kylo Ren kneels in the snow before her.

“Do it,” he demands.

Rey breathes in through her nose. Her hands are shaking. Her blade starts to burn the skin of his exposed neck. Do it for Han.

--

Luke takes Rey to face The Cave.

Part 4 of Do or Do Not

So cool.

Lessons Learned by nymja

“You’re never going to get anywhere if you don’t learn patience, first.”

“I’m the strongest knight here!”

The Jedi looks around the room, eyeing the skull of his grandfather with pointed distaste. “Yes, well. Good work.”

Part 1 of The Sad Grandpa Trilogy

Forceghost!obi-wan is so disappointed in kylo. it’s great. READ THE WHOLE SERIES BECAUSE IT’S GOLD!! it’s so good!! the next one is about rey and forceghost!anakin in the desert and that fic is so interesting because in it, anakin isn’t really as much of a grandfather figure as he is a friend figure and one of his corporeal forms is a warning to rey. like a mirror in the force (to her, to ren, it’s so brilliant). honestly i could talk forever about the next fic in this series because anakin is SO WELL WRITTEN. SO WELL WRITTEN. 

THE CLASSICS

tbh @fialleril​‘s Double Agent Vader verse gets the biggest shoutout (love u fia you’re my inspiration) for sheer amazingness. i won’t list any of the fics in the verse because u need to read all of them. yes, all of them. get to it

ACTUALLY. you should read all of fia’s work. all of it. (on the offchance that fia actually reads this, i can’t wait for anabasis i am so pumped)

ALSO!! another must read is @phil-the-stone‘s pocket full of sand 'verse. it’s such an Iconic piece of star wars fanfiction!! like bye, everyone needs to read this

ALSO another one of hers because?? why not. nursery ‘verse!!! i’m so heart eyes over nursery verse. i’m forever flattered because some of my headcanons are in this!! best thing i’ve ever done. (phil writes mostly b99 and ouat now, but still check it out, her writing is so good)

other fandom must-read authors include:

1000-alshain

actual-leia-organa

threadsketchy

star-vault-ofthe-heavens

darthnickels

cadesama

ygrittebardots

@anghraine

@izzythehutt

FF.NET MUST READ AUTHORS ARE: 

Mathematica 

irnan (all of their work, i’m not kidding, writer goals)

frodogenic (they wrote darth vader’s limplet and other hilarious fics, honestly, star wars humor at its finest)

motchi 

a bunch of others, though you might find more in my previous rec 

Now. Since we’ve come to the end of this ridiculously long rec, it’s time for me to shamelessly plug my own blog. you can find more tumblr fic in my tag here, you can find my writing here and on ao3 *whispers* leave me a comment, you can find my bookmarks here (and find fics i did not include that are also very good)

have fun reading!!

[throwingideasatthewall]

Clone Wars    Episode 10

        Lair of Grievous

An interesting     episode title

 For sure

 [Quote]

  Most powerful is he who controls      his own power

I really    Like       This      Quote

Being a fan of ... accountability

Notably

“Vice      Gunroy

   Escapes,”

Ahhhhh

   I mean?

 The        Episode      Before       Was      (Marginally)         Better        ....         

   To         It’s    Pre      de   cessor

 Why     do       I         Get        The         Feeling             This          Is        Gonna           Be           A         Long        Run..?

    Any       way

    That’s         Going

    Only       that         one         Guy

    No...       -Body         Else

   Uhm

  Kit        Fisto

  What?!

  Okay

 Guess

   His      design        Looks           Neat

    And          No         Ahsoka!       (The         Bad       Parts.)

“Gun-”

 “And     Return    Him       Just-”

Ena     bling!      Where       he’ll      be     put        in      a     cell       with   other     inmates   that   don’t    deserve     that

And       a     distraction      from   reckoning       with       the     consequences       of     his     actions

(And    the     hope     of     getting      out)

“ I know we’re in the middle of     nowhere,”

 I like this   guy

He sounds cool

Has a personality

(An over involved        one?”

But generally good

This might help my     nerves     after     last     episode

Very     chill

Nice

- Oh spoke     too     soon

So has your old Padawan       Dolved

???

Seriously, does everyone keep track of everyone else’s       Padawan

Obi-Wan, it made sense because he’s an   over involved       dick

But, seriously

Shouldn’t that     be   left    To   Yoda as the grand high   Jedi?

He is the guy that okay’s these requests, right?

It’ll   be   great   to   see   Nadar   again

Dude,     he’s   busy

“ i’ll   transmit      the   coordinates      for      the     ren      dez      vous     point,”

Hey     they   got   Ahsoka right!

Maybe     this     episode     won’t   be     a     headache

(Also they just casually    help him      stalk    his apprentice?

 Like,     that   should     be     his   choice

Like yeah  two heads are better than one but that doesn’t mean he agrees   to be a two- headed dragon

Dick   move

And-       It’s    Gone        (to be fair,       it’s only       slightly         too     much         Tone         Than      Ne    cess     ary

“Yet,”

  No

“Good hunting”

  NO!

Well....         It’s       Over,

Okay....

Nice     backgrounds,

This is a really neat   land

Oh, now     they’re     landing

Oh,     cool

Fog     -gy

Neat

Po   -or     Be     -epy              Ro      -bot

 He   can’t     see     any       -thing

“you’ll     be    fine      R6,”

You   have   legs

Not   pleas   ed

Hav   ing         A               Good      Time

“Nadar,”

*Bows*

Dear   frick   who   invited   him   here?

Like,     Dude

Even     if     the     Gen   shares     the   same   inspiration     as   you,       you   still   have     to     obey         by    the   rules     of       tox

 Aka   you   don’t     get     to   be    a   dick   just   because     it’s      a     differ     ent      gen

You   get   kicked       to     the   accoun   -t- ability     curve,         just      as   well

Walk                Ing        into            Some’s      bus    -i      ness      un   warrant   ed    And   un    -ask-      ed     For     Is      Tox

  And     then,           to    follow       it      up,      with       hey          you        did        well       on the           test          we make         you        take!”

    To     prove        we     can’t     assume    authority        over      you

 [Jedi   master     ship         I     believe]

  I’m surprised dude doesn’t say      ‘yeah       your     stupid   club         sucks,”

 “ i’m     sorry        the      war    pre      -vented     me       from   seeing     your      train    ing   through     to    the   end”]

wait   dude’s        Mentor     bitched    out     and      he      still      had       to      take         the         test?!

Murder      is       now      on      the      table!*

   Note; this is a joke

    I   never   advocate   death   over   account   ability

But, geez       Dude got     screwed      over

   You     were      missed    master

 How    old       is     he?

 I’m   going    with   adult-

Knight     Ok      he    has   enthusiasm   

We’re   all   good!

Then    let’s    have     a     look

Allow       me     to     show        the     way

Trans   lation;      Stop    ass    um      ing    

au     tho  rity

Good     for      him

Pretty    pow.

Also   yeah   just   casually   found

“Charming,”

That’s      a   back   -handed   compliment

Like   calling   something   “quaint”

 Dude     if     you’re   going   to      be    on          this             Quest,        Be      Nice,

 Look   after    the   ships

Oh     those     poor      guys

What       happens     to them?

  [Also     ships?]

Okay

 So,     Sith     mon     astery

No      Guards

It’s a Sith   mon    as     tery     surrounded   by     fog

Clearly       they      were      going       for      stealth

[And     it       Is    pretty      re       mote]

The   ent       rance     looks   sealed

 Yeah      It’s    Old

Possibly     -came in the      back    entrance

 And hoped       no one     wou ld    suspect

[We   specialize     in   ma   king   entrances]

Should     n’t     Dude          (Jedi)     Know       That

  Their,       Jedi

   Also        yeah       the      place     clearly      built       for    stealth

    Let’s       bomb       open        the       front       door

     Not        like        they         could       sneak        out            a          back          way

     This           will        make         less         noise

      Thank            you      common          sense

       But,              It           will            still             allow           them                 a              lot              of             time               To              Es              cape

          Like;    

This why staking out is     important

Patience     the both        of you

 THE      NERVE!

  Dude       he got here         First!

   You        wanna         help?

  Be     back up!

 “ A second look     usually      pays       off,”

   On hand,     yes- scouting      ahead       is      good

  On the    other-

   DICK           way        of        put      ting       it

   You      want        to        explore?

    Do          it      your        self

  You      just     assu      med       author        ity       over        a  wh-          ole      group          of      people

      Stopping             them              from             doing              their              thing

[I’m     fully       expec        -ting        him         to       snap          at         five

Like he’s being   pretty   enab-     ling

But   Dude’s       being         a      prick

  [pla  -ying by the        rule of      “But,”         Inst         ead         Of       “Or,”           Or        “And,”

   During          their      re    latively       func   -tional   mission

[dude     never     said      he    couldn’t      blow      up        the        mon     astery

  Just    stated         the fact         and        went        about          his           biz

A nice     factor

 “What’s       this,”

    A      stone

   Bull         -shit

 Whelp

   Smug        Ass

    You        smell         that?

 Arro   gance?

[let him     get    caught     in     a      trap]

“ smells        like     droids,”

 Metal      Does      -

 It’s     too dark to see      anything

   There’s       white       bulbs

Also     [Forgot to     mention],      Chek       Ov’s         Gun?

[For     the    Gun]

 Whelp

  They          Have        Lights

 [Also,            Dark       side      shadowing]

   Whelp

    Hey         at least        there’s not as much point

     Whelp

[I sense     there’s something     here]

 Yeah?!

 Was          that       not          the whole point?

 Whelp,

 A rusted     out      old      factory

   Whelp

    Poss-          Ibly

    Watch-           Ing

    “Ssh,”

      You         sure        about         that?

    Whelp

  “Well     that was   some thing,”

   Jedi,         you gonna            do anything      about that?

    Whelp

    Dude          Taking         point

     Aga       -in

   Whelp

 Ordering      someone else’s     troops

  [I seriously hope        that       comes to bite him         in the ass]

     Roger          Roger

     Crud         it’s the moon                             clones!

No,      just droids up the stairs

Neat

They     don’t see     that?

 Whelp

 Vice   Roy

What’s    going          on

  They     robots;      they’re        already     designed      to protect     you

Also;        BAIT!

The Jedi        are here

 Trap!

Also they’re     walking         side-by-side      Nice

 That’s     totally        someone      else     I       call        it

 “ I know       they’re             near,”

    Voice    recording?

    Whelp

    They’re          right       behind         you

    What,       where        do   something?

 Def       -initely       a   diff      -erent   per   -son

Whelp

Taking    longer     than     expect     (ing)

“ Have      you ever killed a Jedi?”

 These    guys have time for    this

When   fighting to fully trained adult       Jedi

BS

Those basic      clankers

There the  basic mooks   that gets mowed down   in the hundreds

Bs

Good   Commentary

Bad     timing

Oh   now   it speeds   up

Good for   them

They   were   loo   -king   pretty   lame

 Whelp

Stop   playing    with     them!

Republic     Dogs

Restraint

Shut    the     fuck      up

  It took hours

 Because

“restr       aint,”

Against    

Mach      inery

 “ i’m   sorry     master,”

Don’t   apologize

  He’s     being       a     prick

  Like      even       by      my     stan-      dards

  [ignor-         ing        the       war]

     He      turned        a fun       exercise       again        st        machinery     boring

       By           micro         managing          every           one

    -carried         Away

     This          -dick

      Those that have power       should restrain themselves          from using it

     Against         machines?

       Dude....

      I stick pretty closely to one          moral code

       And there was nothing even remotely     reprehensible

       About           That           Deal

      Yeah,        if they were sentient

       But, they act just like normal   robots               Running on         prot      ocol           Alone

    Giv         ing        no       hint          to       sen     tience

    Your complaint        literally         comes          down

    To        chopping them into          one           or more pieces

        That’s            extremely              overcontrolling          and              overbearing

        Not to mention to       reprimand        someone....

       Dick            Move 

      That’s          the         point

    Least        it        had       dark       ened      lighting

 “Lieuten        ant,”

Called    it

  Also     way      to      go     dip shits

  You left a com that can be traced back to your exact location

   Whelp

  Okay...

  The tracking          beacon

   Yeah

They knew   we were coming

 And   didn’t send a trap

Instead sene a thing     that can be traced back to the location

Should’ve known   Gunnery wasn’t here

 No,   you should’ve exercised caution

Well at least he isn’t blaming-

Screaming

Yes   he   would’ve

That    was     the     first     tip    off

Also;     clones?

 I apologize     for the deception

 Bull shit

I apologize for my     colleagues

 -What?

  Dude

Seriously

 How easy are you trying to make it for them to find   you?

Count      Dooku  

Why      Dude?

Oh   Wait   enablers   

Guess   this is their     tea     sess

 Okay    hit us     with        that       snark   

    ....

   Light     Roast

   He   honestly     seems       so       sad

   What

    This          has        got          to            be          a        trap

    No shit

   “Catch         Some          One,”

   No   not the vibe I got

  Also     there’s      the     clone

 Wondered     where      he     went

  “To      Catch,”

  Whelp

  Wow

  What?!

   Well

  Looks      like     someone      likes    creepy      statues  

   (I know       there’s       likely       some       deep        lore)

   Shrine

   Dude this whole place looks like a   monastery/castle?

   You’re just        figuring out        This might be some     ancient     something     or another

 It’s on a foggy     planet,         Huge,       Em-bedding      And   desolute

It basically screams     basic cult

 “Warrior,”

 I was going with   barbarian, but   that   works

Whelp

Weird  

 Juices

Nope        Metal

 Grievous      Cult

This is the lair of   General Grievous

 Are you sure it’s not    a cult?

 Like   I don’t know

But    I wouldn’t keep     Reminders     of how I was        brutally dismembered       Around

  IDK

Maybe I’m just not that    extra

Whelp     Dear     Frick

Back     to    the   thing

Also   yeah   don’t     leave

Get    Rein    force    ments

(I know I roast   Plo   about this all the time)

But    A few more Jedi      Might be useful      Against       a guy      With   multiple   hands

(Or at least     tell them       Your       Lo      cation,         What         a       quick    summary)

  So   they know what they’re getting into   if you disappear under   “mysterious   circumstances,”

Oh, plane

Oh,   Grievous

Looks   like     he’s doing   good for   himself

Seems       happy

Never    mind

Guess where  ignoring that   thing

With     The     Comms

Stale      mate

He   honestly   looks    sad

You   have   lost   your   focus

I mean   so far   he hasn’t   won shit

I’m honestly     surprised   he got it this far

Especially considering you’re the   negative overinvolvement side

Sidious       demands   more     dramatic   results

“ can’t   believe   I came   back    to   working   here,”

More   dead   Jedi

Did    he    kill     a   bitch?

(I would say   good for him          but    death<   Acco untability-)

You   expect   victory     over     Jedi

   Is battle        Droids

   It does    require      a brain

   And     a willingness     to escalate

   Oof

 Seriously,     Just       leave

  Whelp

  These        must be   trophies

  Jedi      he’s   murdered

  Isn’t the str- the Ed-    braid!        Thing       only     for   Padawan’s      Like,        you      don’t      seem        to       have       one

   So yeah       Grievous     probably killed a lot of children

     There    are        so      many

  Maybe      don’t      send     children       to fight       your battles

 Why      Would Dooku        want to set a        trap for his best general

    Minion disposing       Tea?

     Also, why are you      playing         into it?

   Like,         fair enough,           don’t turn down free      Intel

  But,      you could set a trap         and          be doing other things

   Like hunting down     Vice Roy   it doesn’t     make     sense

 “Are       we     the     bait      or      is   grie      -vous     the   -bait,”

Good   question

Definitely grievous though

 He was clearly      offered up      as a   distraction     From   Vice Roy

We    must    consider     who the trap          is for

  Grievous

  You’re      supposed    to     take     him      out

 Your   droid     is   track       ing      an     in       coming      ship

  Here      we     go

Match       es       the   descrip     tion

 Keep     out      of    sight

Whoa   whoa    hold     up

Why    are    they    calling     and     answering      to     you

These     are   Raden’s   troopers

Dude    has   literally   hijacked     his    whole      life

Dude       just     kick     him

 Like   fourth    time    but   ,seriously;

Capturing        him     could      turn      the     tide     of the   war

They’re      literally   handing     him      to you      on a       silver       platter

Dude - needs a break

If      he doesn’t know we’re    here

Instantly down to     do    Dooku’s     Dirty     Work

 “We     need        a      plan,”

  That’s     what      he     just   said

Whelp

That’s   neat

Cool

Mood   lighting   works

Guards

Does he even know what   happened?

Or   did      Sidious/Dooku     set up      this   elaborate      trap     while       he      was      out

   And       he’s      just    coming     home      like;

   Why        is       the     place       so     heckin    trashed

 Whelp

 Dick

 Dude      didn’t sign up for this

  Welcome      home     general

  Half willing to give it to you

 Whelp

*Oh*

Cough        ing

 Don’t     let     him       cut     the     line

Whelp  

  Heck

 He’s       Trying

 “ Don’t make me destroy you,”

 If they try to foreshadow that ear     lier

   No            Bad

   Ter         rible

 Whelp

 Seriously    did they just    reattach his    legs??

 Also,           They really did not bring anything else to capture him   with

 Besides   cables

To      Grab

 And nothing to tie him up   with

How did they    think     this was going to   go?

Argh

Just got     slap   stick        ed

Haha

“Pack     him      up”           ?

  Whelp

  Dude       they      are     just   knocked     out

 Whelp  

 Neat

Walking   a little   funny

Whelp

The clones get in the way

No   you        didn’t         bring   anything      to   restrain    him   with

“Taken     him,”

   Dude he just said       “taken”

   Not like he said    “killed”

   The most objectionable thing he said    in that     was     blaming   the clones   for his failure

  And   clearly    that     isn’t   your   issue

Narrowing  of the eyes was a    good   reaction

(Pretty sure the darkness is     Him putting unwonton pressure   and guilt tripping      (Gas        lighting)

 He’s just too much of a   coward     to say anything     because he can be held     accountable            At the      fifth      thing

 Let’s     tend      to     the   wounded

 Good      job   reflect     ing   mate

Whelp

Docter   where are you?

 Don’t    be upset with me     master

Geez

Dude does need a   break

Even     his     own     lair      is   toxic

Conversation

Rrgh

Look

Aww

Spare       parts

 Off

Body   guards

Remotely   deactivated      for       a    re-charge

Oh   so they weren’t killed

Gosh   dude came back to      A bunch of droids   laying   dead on the ground        Like;

“These.. aren’t. mine,”

Dude      is    having      a    tough     day

 Argh

 Not   good

Good

Lock down the   Perimeter

Good for   him

Whelp

Looks,     Better

Whelp

Watching

Yeah, those guys are dead from   grievous

He wacked  them with metal claws

Those     guys   don’t   have   a   single piercing mark on them

Nor     dented   helmet

Not ready to take on grievous

No one is

Dude has   robotic      arms

It’s time   we   retreated

Make sure to bring something to       restrain him   next time

Whelp

Grievous isn’t doing anything

Good     for him

“ You are    not going anywhere,”

Well, he tried

He WAS   just given          An ultimatum   from his boss

Gotta       stop    caring     about     those      things

“ Guess    we’ll have to fight       after all,”

 Or       blow open the                                door

Or   sizzle     it     open     with   your   light   sticks

 Lots     of   options

Bring      scout

Aight

Whelp     those guys are dead

Also   how did they even find   them?

Okay, that one makes sense because he was parked literally 5 feet from the base

  Fair   Game

Get out of there R6

Good for him

Whelp

That one   guy...

Whelp...

Yet

Good     for     him

 Of

R6

You told him to   leave

Dick

You surprise attack him

Call hypocrite, fair fight

Aaw, he’s   nice

Fair

Whelp

 Shit

Straight to the point

Doom       Man      -sion

Here        we     come

Whelp

Dude with the force       can’t lift one guy

Well 

General

Dude one trap   and you’re ready to call it quits

Lame

We’ve seen the lower levels of your home

No you haven’t

You were on ground level

And you only just saw anything below that   now

“ we’re not impressed,”

Dude speak for   yourself

Also,    fun

 Good     way       to        heal

   “Good, Good, Jedi,”

   This should be entertaining

        - way to heal-

   “You shall provide    sport for me,”

Like;           That

  Whelp

   Good        time            to       entertain          our        guests

        He’s             a           good            host

      Whelp

      Dude          has            a         dinosaur

       And       bots

     Dude         level       spiked          for           a          moment

    Hmm

    Nice

    Oof

    That       sounds     painful

   Armor       Patches

  “Contrary to your belief     I have other things to do,”

       Good              for            him

 He rans    a med channel

 “ go see to it my   repair,”

   Implaments            (?)

*Impale     Ments

   There may be   some discomfort

  But I’m pretty sure   he was already uncomfortable

   Argh

No sedatives

Off

Weak       link

Whelp

Surprised     his  pistol    did anything

Like seriously   even the swords would take   a few   whacks

There we go stabbing it with a sword

Your   knight   instinct

Whelp

And that clown just became the damsel

Whelp

Whelp

Fail

Guess     he’s   dead

 Or   broke     something

Splat noises   are kind of   humorous

So it could just be a   broken   nose

Great

Whelp

Instinct

Grievous is going to pay for this

Dude he made a humorous   “Splat” sound

“Splat”  is not       a     death   sound

   It      is      a     broken     nose   sound

“Destroy      him,”

I understand your pain

No, this is the time to take the kid away from the   bad situation

(Or actually give him the        don’t kill things talk)

   That’s the better option

   (Since he is still an adult and         can make his decision)

“ but you forget your teachings   Nadar,”

Not like that

  That is how you get       hit in the face

But in this war   strength prevails

 He literally   does have a point

  You two survived because of     “superior genetics”

You’ve literally been   hustling him since day one

And revenge is fine   in terms of accountability

 If someone stabs you,      You’re allowed to stab    him back

   Abusers?        Get their        abuse        back

Specifically in Murder

 The dead      isn’t alive     to take revenge

 And while he is right       that accountability is better

  That murder doesn’t   equal murder

   Because of         the belief          That all (human)         Sentient life          Inherently makes       the world better        By the possibility of them        contributing good

    Which is why         I advocate        accountability

     The way         dude is handling it          is shitty

      Firstly; all those present to the body are considered   enablers, if   they      enable     murder

And   everyone     who     sees      the     body       has       to        be          on       high      alert

  And   accountability      on     sight

 Because        if       you     five rules           A       Murder         -er...

  Point being dude should.     shut the fuck up and     help him find this dude

   The rules have changed

  Yes, yes they have

“ perhaps you are the one that has changed,”

  Shut up toxic

     Dick

    Enabling selfish dick

 “ come now,”

   He realized he fucked up

 “ We   need to move    now,”

  There’s         no     saving      that

  Whelp

  Skipped       past       that

   Looks      better

   “Gor,”

    He      named          it

    Oh

   Where       are      they

 Yeah wait what happened with the   doors?

 “Gor...”

 Aww       He     sounds     so    sad

Argh

Oof

That     pissed him off

Incoming     message from Count   Dooku

 Oh,       Good

 The Jedi have infiltrated your Lair

  Damn

 He   really   didn’t     tell     the     man   about   anything

Your   recent   defeats      at    their   hands

  Wow,         Dude can Literally not get a   break

   You just called him    five minutes     ago

 Fuck you

  He looks so       Tired

     And          Done

“Reassess      your    effectiveness,”

  Oh     that’s bound to piss him        off

 That you actively did   that

I’m expecting a face   Heel turn

 “You”

 There      we      go

  “ you   deactivated       my     Guards,”

    Oh....

[I assumed he just    forgot]

“ You let the Jedi      in,”

  No actually   they found a magic brick

  Unless Count Dooku  just so happen       to press    the button           at        the       same       time

Which      if so      nice

  Makes       dude’s overconfidence   even sweeter

“ so you would testing me,”

  Dick

 And he’s starting to look     It

  Oops

He’s pissed now

 Like I know this is     culminating in a fight scene

  But I would just love     if  just walked downstairs.        And was like     yes      I will go with you

 Out     of     Spite

“ i’ll play your little game,”

  In your condition you need your   rest

  I will rest when the Jedi     are dead

 Oh so that’s how they capture   him

 Maybe after he kills the   young one

Sentry

Those robots do     nothing

Whelp

Control      Room

 He’s         Done

Oh,        what do we have    here?

Oh,    this is what he does?

Master      the Jedi are about to enter the control room

  Snarky      little     shit

“Nadar,     get   inside,”

 Yeah,         No

Ahh

Nadar

Cutting       out      the    abuser

  Whelp

Absolutely       can       kick        ass

Surprised       no     one      who   understands   accountability

“Greetings     young      Jedi,”

 Greetings Boomer

“How       Ex       citing,”

   Neat

And   Meta

 Defeat       us       all

You’re one person   but I accept the understanding

  Get him     Master

Oh    he gets to see his apprentice die on the   big screen

Wait, where is the other   Jedi

Where-

Oh no

Self-awareness

 Oww

 But that wouldn’t kill a     determined

Whelp he accepted death

“No,”

Yep, he’d rather die than live in the world   you made

Enabler

(Technically;    Both of you)

 Welp I will kill you all

Do you hear me Jedi

Do you hear me

Fair   game

Enablers       kill   enablers

  No     one   wins

“ R6      is that you?”

How?!

Meet me at the   south landing   platform

I’m coming for you next   Fisto

Whelp, i’ll be   gone by the time you get here

Dick

Whelp

R6, I’m at the platform

Going     somewhere

How?!

But   also OK

Whelp

Hmm

Fan Technique should actually help in the   fog

Whelp

Pawn In Dooku’s game

That power will only   consume you

Like you

Flaunting it

Right now

Unless his battery   gives out...

Whelp

Ok

 Cheating

How   quickly   power      can   switch     hands

  Whelp  Enabled

 Expect      ed

Accom     plishment

 So   there’s   room   improvement

 Oof

“His heart was in the right place,”

  Not      accountability

“ to answer power         with power                 It’s not the Jedi   way,”

      HAHAHaHa

    What’s the title of this     again?

  Star         WARS      The        Clone           WARS

It takes   two to tango

  Feckin hypocrites

  In this WAR

 HAHAha

“ A danger there Is,”

I feel bad    for the   voice actor   that had to say that   with a   straight face

Nailed it   perfectly well

“Oof losing who we are,”

Oh, that scene

 Chills.

  Oh

                I REALLY liked this episode

It was funny   self-aware   and even   had some good moments with the villains

 Also

   They killed a           motherfucking dragon

      *Named              Gore

      * excuse          language

[twilightofthe]

SPOILERS FOR THE ENTIRE EPISODE 9 BENEATH THE CUT.  YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED.

S O . . .

Honestly I’m kinda really glad I spoiled myself for this movie because I got really really upset by the reviews and went in with my expectations basically on the floor, so I was actually able to be pleased and happy with a couple things in the movie, so I will start off with the few things I did like.

I loved the Rey/Finn/Poe dynamic.  The actors’ chemistry works sooooo well together and I loved their adventure through the first two acts.  You can see how much these guys all genuinely like each other-- even tho the script seems to try VERY HARD to stick Poe and Finn with the worst case of “NO HOMO NO HOMO”-ing I’ve seen in Star Wars since Anakin and Obi Wan in The Clone Wars lol.  Seriously, the script is trying so so hard to pick fights between Poe and Finn, but blessed amazing Oscar Isaac and John Boyega manage to play it so the entire conflict reads more like Poe is jealous of Finn’s feelings over Rey, they act it VERY MUCH like quarreling lovers and it is completely 100% the work of John and Oscar and I love these two so much, I owe them my life.

I adore Rey and Finn’s chemistry too, they spend the entire film with Finn desperately worrying over Rey and Rey confiding her worries and fears to Finn and constantly giving each other looks and ugh, I love them so much.

Force Sensitive!Finn!!!  Just for a second but it happened!  They should have been more blatant but I like that he canonically is!!!

Just in general, I’ve always been a Jedistormpilot shipper, and I feel the ending really leaves that as an open option I will happily take.

The bits with the Resistance and Leia did the best they could with Carrie’s footage.  It was choppy and kinda obvious that footage was all they had to work with, but they tried their hardest and given what little they had to work with, I will unhappily accept it and the fact that Leia had little to no role in the story.  I’m still really upset about it and her character’s death was so damn anticlimactic, but it was what happened.

Billy Dee Williams was charming and awesome as Lando, I loved seeing him, and he did a wonderful job, even if he was just a nostalgia cameo.

3PO was entertaining as ever!  I liked him!  They definitely sidelined R2 way too much, but I was glad to see 3PO and I was glad that he didn’t permanently lose his memory!  The only thing I was kinda ehhh about was the bit with the dagger and the Sith language because the way he was suddenly able to translate it after not being able to translate it?????  Did not make sense at all???????????

Abrams fucking got me with the nostalgia for a second during the Luke Force Ghost scene.  I’m sorry, but I was so happy to see that Leia had done a bit of Jedi training then chose to give it up, I loved the callback to Yoda lifting the X-Wing but then Luke’s ghost did it-- COMPLETE WITH THE OG MUSIC!!!!!  Mark knocked it out of the park and I just love seeing him.

Same for Ian and Sidious!  While I personally did not like the Sidious plot at all and I will expand more on that later, I loved seeing Mr. McDiarmid again and he always just fills me with a bit of glee being his dramatic Palpy self because he’s just as good and as hatable as he’s always been and I thank him for it.

I think that was about it for what I liked, and honestly that was all the work of the talented actors and me being happy to see them pulling off their characters to the best of their abilities.  The plot itself???  Ehhhhhhhhhh.....

Look, as I mentioned before, I liked the Jedistormpilot mission.  That was fun.  

The entire Resistance plot?  Way way way too staggered and jumped around too much, not going into detail, felt a lot like it was trying to cram in everything with little payoff and not much emphasis placed on the importance of its plan so the audience really doesn’t get time to register everything that’s happening with them, let alone care about them

Naomi Ackie did a charming job with Jannah, I would have liked it if her entire plot didn’t kinda invalidate Finn’s overall story arc.  I get they were trying to say “oh look!  Finn’s not alone!  There are other ex-stormtrooper rebels!  Just like Finn!!!”  Instead what it looks like is saying basically that Finn isn’t special, Finn’s defection wasn’t important overall, literally everyone does it, and it means nothing.

(Also going off of this, it really felt like JJ caved to the TLJ hate and totally sidelined Rose, she did like jacksquat in this and I’m mad)

The thing is, I don’t think the Resistance plot and the search for Palpy mission would have been as scattered and rushed and disorganized IF: Rey Palpatine wasn’t a thing, Reylo wasn’t a thing, and Force Ghosts were utilized more.

Look, I was fine with Palpy coming back (on a condition).  Someone had to be the big bad and Disney is too worried about toy sales for it to ever be Kylo, so I knew Sidious could work-- provided they brought back the Skywalkers whose stories were intertwined with his and involved them in his ultimate downfall somehow.

I was fine with Rey Nobody. I was a little mad all the Skywalker legacy was going to her without her earning it really, but I figured that if the final film connected her with the Skywalkers properly, it would be fine, she had time to earn it.

Instead, we got little to no Skywalkers-- one Luke scene that meant nothing to the plot, scraped together Leia footage they could only take so far, and a fucking muddled voiceover from the man who Sidious screwed over the most, the one who originally killed him, the one who should have been THERE.  Look, I should have known they would never actually bring Anakin back, but dammit, he SHOULD HAVE BEEN THERE.  HE SHOULD HAVE.  This was his story originally, like it or not, and the entire goddamn Sequel Trilogy never so much as said his name, even when they brought back the creep that destroyed his life and he was supposed to give his own to defeat.

Literally no one asked for the Rey Palpatine plot.  It made no sense, you feel nothing for her “heroic” parents because you know literally nothing about either of them, the convoluted logic on why/why not Sidious wants her alive makes no sense.  His goal makes no sense, it’s confusing, so he wants Kylo to kill her but he also doesn’t, he wants Rey there so she can kill him and he can transfer his life force into her and then he’ll bring the Sith back somehow with all that hooded crowd on the bottom of Exetor???  Where did they even come from??  What happened to the canon saying all the dead Sith were on Korriban?  How is Palpy even gonna use Rey to bring back the other Sith????  When can his ghost/zombie corpse/whatever the fuck he is just fucking pull life energy out of people’s chests?  

What they should have focused on instead of the timeline devoted to Rey Palpatine was keep Sidious as the threat, keep all his other “raising the dead Sith” stuff-- just move his hidey hole to Korriban dammit --and have all the Rey’s parents plot shift to scenes with her interacting with Luke and Anakin’s Force Ghosts trying to figure out how to take down Palps together once and for all.  Let her get adopted into the Skywalker family by the only two who actually carried the name, not just have her randomly take it at the end after interacting with Luke freaking once.  She has seemingly close relationships with Leia and Ben, dammit, in that case she should have been Rey Solo or Rey Organa.

Also have Luke’s Force Ghost replace the nonsense with whatever guy Luke was apparently working with to track down Sidious on Exetor-- we never saw all of that and having aaaaaall of that background wordvomited onto us by 3PO at once makes it jarring and confusing and forgettable.  Literally just have Luke show up and tell them!!!!  

Han’s appearance to Kylo on whatsitsname Endor water moon???  Also should have been Anakin if they really wanted to show Kylo/Ben’s beginning to turn (really it should have been Leia but again I get why they couldn’t) back to the Light via a convo with the dead.  Like omgggg let him finally talk to the grandfather he was trying to impress!!  The opening was right there????  But nope, Han is there, and I guess whatever he says is suddenly enough to turn him good again???

(THIS ALSO MEANS MY FUCKING FANFIC WAS RIGHT.  HAN SOLO IS A FORCE GHOST.  WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK.  THAT WAS LITERALLY THE ONE THING I PROCLAIMED WOULD NOT BE CANON.  I’M THE NEW ORACLE OF DELPHI BITCHES.  WHAT THE FUCK.)

Aaaaand this brings me to the romance.  The fucking romance.  Look, I’m sorry if you guys all do, I really am, and I respect if you want to unfollow, but I never have been able to stomach Reylo.  Ever.  I never saw the romance.  I saw pain and abuse and one-sided obsession.  Check that, I will admit that I always saw some sort of want from Kylo.  Adam played him very much being obsessed with having Rey with him for some reason throughout all the films, but it also always played as toxic, and him not knowing what to do with that want, and just lashing out and abusing and forcing himself on her at every turn.  It never played as a healthy relationship and it never played like Kylo should be rewarded for it.  And this entire film????  I see still no romance????  Like the first half is just Rey being damn furious at Kylo, hating him, literally wanting nothing to do with him.  I think another part of it is that I have never in the films seen Rey as having romantic or emotional feelings for Kylo, not ever.  Not consistantly.  It’s always just been an entire film’s worth of her despising him-- no not in an enemies to lovers UST despising, like actual hate and frustration --and then one singular bizarre scene that sticks out like a wart on a face where she suddenly does a 180 and is soft with him, like in the elevator scene in TLJ or the ending scene of TROS.  I wouldn’t even say Rey feels soft for Kylo the first damn time she stabs and kills him before healing him.  That to me seems a lot more like guilt to Leia her mentor over stabbing her son, and healing him for Leia’s sake than Rey actually wanting him alive.  Maybe that’s just because from what I’ve seen, Daisy isn’t the biggest Reylo fan and just didn’t play it with her heart.

I’m glad Ben was redeemed, after what Sidious put that family through, I would have been upset with the last Skywalker descendant dying in Dark disgrace.  But I’ve never been able to like his character really because they never fully let him be evil or an intriguing villain character, but they never showed him as good.  I’m sorry, but the comics don’t do it for me either because it seems they’re just trying to slightly alter Anakin’s issues and problems and stick them onto him and go “see they’re the same!” and it just rings fake and irritating for me, and his sudden turnaround does not have the same weight behind it because I don’t even know what he really turned back to the Light for.  Was it for Rey?  That obsession didn’t look like love.  Was it for Leia?  We never got to see him speak two words to her.  Was it for Han?  Possibly?!?!  That scene was not clear?!??!?!!?!  It sure as hell wasn’t for Anakin or Luke because they weren’t allowed to interact with him at all.  His return to the Light made no real sense because there wasn’t a clear motive besides “plot says so” and I Could Not See the logic in Rey suddenly wanting to make out with him, whether he saved her or not.  Really the one good thing about it was that their lack of chemistry throughout the film means that if I ignore the fact that that kiss happened, it’s pretty easy to pretend they never got together ;D  Plus, that Jedistormpilot hug at the very end tho, like I said, possibilities........

AND ANOTHER THING (god I really am a crotchety old lady), THE ABILITIES OF BEN AND REY TO BRING EACH OTHER BACK FROM DEATH.  Rey effortlessly healed a straight saber wound through the gut that has fucking killed multiple trained Force users dead and even more non Force users, healed it in seconds.  Now I probably seem like the biggest hypocrite here as I’m planning on having Anakin survive that same exact type of wound in a fic I’m writing (spoilers for those reading it lol but not really, did y’all actually think I was gonna kill him like that xD  And that in no means says he’s gonna recover completely...), but the difference is that I’m not having him survive through someone else effortlessly curing the wound.  If Ben survived that gut wound by healing himself, using his raw energy that all Skywalkers are supposed to have, I would be able to believe that.  Self preservation will to live saved Vader on Mustafar, saved Luke, saved fucking Sidious.  

But the matter is, if Rey was so powerful that she could just heal Ben from dying like that, why the fuck in the prequels is Anakin so panicked over his loved ones dying ever?  He’s supposed to be the most powerful Force user in existence, more powerful than Rey, shouldn’t he have been able to do that for say, Shmi??  One might argue, “but Rey’s had training!”  Who trained her?  Leia, who learned from Luke, who learned from Obi Wan and Yoda, neither of whom knew how to fucking do that and pass it down, don’t tell me they did.  The other option is that Rey did it untrained on natural talented instinct, which again, in that case, why couldn’t Anakin figure that out?  Why didn’t any Jedi?  Rey worked off of emotion healing Ben, Anakin should have been able to figure that out too.  I will accept Ben’s energy transfer to Rey saving her after she died later as that literally killed him, that makes sense, trading energy at an equal point-- and further canonizes my theory that Sidious was able to steal and drain Padmé’s life energy through her bond with Anakin to save him after he burned, which was the actual reason Pads died in Ep 3.  But Rey effortlessly bringing Ben back like that????  I just can’t, that just doesn’t work for canon for me.  I’m sorry, but no.

My final issue is the sheer amount of ignoring this trilogy did of the prequels.  I’ve already ranted about Anakin not showing up when he should and I will not repeat myself, this rant got long and I’m getting tired, but he should have been there, dammit.  He really should have.  Luke should have had more screentime.  That bit at the end where Rey hears all of the other Jedi’s voices speaking to her???  I’m sorry, but that really does break canon!  It was supposed to be only Qui Gon’s line, or those he taught and could pass it down, who could become Force Ghosts, and as delighted as I was to hear Kanan again and Windu and Luminara and everyone else, their voices should not have been there as they are not Force Ghosts! (and this is only partially me whinging over the fact that in my Force Ghost fic I have already stupidly proclaimed that only Qui Gon’s line has become ghosts and now I somehow have to fix that o_o)

(ALSO also the appearance of Ahsoka Tano amongst the voices means that she is dead which means they had the actual audacity to fucking kill her off OFFSCREEN with no explanation which grrrrrr)

One last whine about the romance, everything with Zorri Bliss and Poe seemed really forced and just another way for the script to blare out “HE’S NOT IN LOVE WITH FINN HE’S NOT HE’S STRAIGHT SUPER STRAIGHT LOOK LOOK LOOK”, tho Zorri’s character herself was fun without the forced romance.

Look, overall, I really liked the characters of the sequels, but I felt the plot was really poorly executed, and I really felt that this was not the “Skywalker Saga”.  The Skywalkers felt cast aside and put in the background and ignored and totally invalidated.  They were my favorites and I feel the narrative let them down and it makes my heart unhappy.  It really feels like abusers like Palpatine and Kylo got to win at the expense of their victims, and that really makes my heart unhappy.  That’s just my personal feelings.  Nothing wrong if you did like it, but it’s just me.  I miss my Skywalkers and their happy ending and I probably always will.  I probs won’t ever really be satisfied with what happened to them, tho I will work my hardest on it.  I guess that’s it.