#si: why are you me? i'm me
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Apologies, I wanted to make a public note that I've shut off my anons because too often lately I've gotten messages making incorrect assumptions about me and then telling me to do something I'm sure you all can guess. I guess because people know I'm Jewish, but I've been distancing myself from stressful topics to focus on my medical stuff, I don't know.
Anyway, I wanted everyone who's messaged me with personal events to know it wasn't because of them, serious personal messages especially about struggles with one's body are never a bother to me. I'm cheering everyone on and only want things to get better for them!! ♥️
People can still ask me with (***) in their message and I'll reply privately.
Seeing (another) doctor tomorrow, wish me luck
#it sucks to take away anons but.#I've struggled with SI for two decades and have been hospitalized for it more times than can be counted on one hand#and i just need to nip that ability to contact me like that in the bud.#recent abdomen anon I'm sending you lots and lots of love#this is also why i haven't been answering asks much. bc was dreading my inbox
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rebecca + pink in season 3 (so far)
#rebecca welton#ted lasso#tedlassoedit#tedlassogif#tedbecca#lowkey#this is very important to me for many reasons#but yall these gifs took me literally hours and they still are grainy as fuck i'm actually mad#gif 4 sis i tried so hard and you gave me nothing#does anyone know why the closeups work so much better in PS because i would love to understand it. cuz it's annoying. thank you#mine#tv
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hi can u draw keine ron or hakaine maiko plspls :3 i like your style a lot its very soft
I got a Ron in dah Queue and I'll have a Maiko drawn soon!
I'm really happy you like my art! But I'm gonna be honest- People call my style soft all the time and I just don't understand OTL NOT SAYING THAT as like a put down of myself, I like my art, but genuinely I don't understand what they mean RDCFVGTHBJ
#ask#Is it because I draw fat people???#Or were you looking for a different word#like cozy or pleasant#I'M NOT MADE AT YOU BTW!!!!#This si just somethign that happens to me a lot and I want to know Why
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not vibing i feel like my depression has been sneaking up on me like I thought I was good for so long and this isn't even sudden and I'm genuinely considering death I don't know what's going in, I'm enjoying life and things are good but fuck I don't want to do this anymore. The trees aren't as beautiful as they used to be. I think it's ending.
#Tw sh#tw suicide mention#Tw si#Tw suicidal ideation#Tw depression#Tw mental health#I feel like everyone I love is either disappearing from my life or I'm falling out of love with them#I keep telling myself I can't die bc one of my best friends needs me alive but once I'm dead her being gone won't hurt me#This way she'll be alive for my whole life#Wouldn't it be nice to never grieve#I don't know what's going on and I'm scared and I literally just want to go find my best friend and cry for a bit#But he isn't answering my texts and I think that he's getting over me#Ig I do need to wait out this week and then ask my dnd group if they'd be super disappointed if I was gone for the campaign#There's not much more I can contribute#I'm already fully burnt out at 15#And I'm losing more and more control over my public image which means that people are migrating away from me and falling out of love with m#I just don't know what to do and I'm so tired#I can't walk very well because of my knees and my mom's solution is 'walk more' like dude why do you think they hurt#I just think my body is dying without me anyways it wouldn't hurt for it to be on my terms at least#I just need someone to talk to
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Okay, see, the thing about your story ending on a negative/dystopian/'despite everything that's happened nothing has changed in society' note and doing so successfully? It needs to have been set up for that in the first place, and it needs to be done in an intentional manner.
I have nothing against works that reinforce how cruel/meaningless/pointless/etc. the world is -- I enjoy a fair few! -- but the works themselves need to be some sort of commentary about it; the plot might be demonstrative of the futility of everything, but the story never should. It should take that and build on it and use it to make a statement, underscore a point, etc. to its readers. Having everything carry on business-as-usual without acknowledging it, especially in a genre that's generally meant to conclude on optimistic, uplifting, and hopeful notes, comes off as callous and in direct opposition with the values it extols.
Plus, the story itself should never be futile because, then, well, it never mattered as a work and it makes no difference if you've read it or not. Which... that's just a badly written story lmao.
#i can't believe i'm posting about this topic again on our dear hellsite tungle.com lmao#huge deja vu vibes what year is it????#2018/2019??#(i think that's when the shock value/genre hopping/genre inconsistency hit its peak across multiple series)#i don't even go here anymore omfg#man. i didn't think i'd get this upset#that's what i get for going to look#i should know better by now. really. there's no excuse.#y'all my curiosity one day will kill me.#but like. i'm not upset as in 'i'm so angry i will fight everything'#that was past me#we've blown right past that and gone straight to the 'vaguely ill and sick to my stomach' stage#character development XDD#but like sorry not sorry explain away all you want about *gestures to all the other stuff*#but how the fuck do you explain having the visual emotional and narrative focal point of that family in its concluding panels#be the person who caused this shit???? why is he the one getting closure????#pretty sure i don't have the entire context surrounding my other lad who got pulvarized#(i saw a few comments about something something of//a would help with the end of the world that's coming and instead was used to murder him#that i don't quite grasp because i literally just skimmed the most recent chapters out of curiosity due to things i saw on my dash)#BUT i am making the executive decision to stop here#this rabbit hole's deep enough and i've gone wayyy further than i should have already#gonna cook some dinner; pick up sis from work; and enjoy my summer evening on my balcony#GAH#withoutwords
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”TIME IS A TOOL YOU CAN OUT ON THE WALL-“
AWWGHH DON'T TRY AND PUT ME IN THE SILLY HOUSE IF LULU ISN'T IN THERE I WON'T SURVIVE
#listen. i stand by that you can put me in tha silly house with anyone and I WILL get along with them and they WILL love me#my charisma and autistic charm is unmatched and unable to be contained my brainwaves are so powerful#hanging out with me over extended periods of time WILL change the way you think its why my baby sis is so fucked up#i'm like social radioactive material#HOWEVER#I WOULD PREFER TO BE STUCK IN THE SILLY HOUSE WITH LULU#bear would also be nice. am is. a choice i could go with or without. idk if they would kill me after a certain time irl#we would be 30 loops in and am will bash my head in with a rock ect ect ect we talked about higurashi again or smth ect ect#SODIE would also be nice. but if he messes with me i wouldnt be able to tell... so hmm..#BIF WOULD BE FUNNY TO BE IN THE HOUSE WITH I COULD SUPLEX HER#BUT LULU IS A MUST YOU CAN'T PUT ME IN THERE WITHOUT MY LIL GUY LULU#my postings#puppetsona
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the way i am pissed af rn at the eliminations made at the end of ep 5's game. i'm so pissed rn i'm shaking so if you haven't watched pls do not read the tags
#the devil's plan#they gave it the right name for a reason those two didn't deserve to go like that. they didn't f*cking deserve to go like that#Seok Jin escaped by the skin of his teeth bc he teamed up with Si Won at the last minute but Dong Jae. Dong Jae and#Hye Sung my poor bbys God how could they. to them of all people why#Dong Jae pulled some sh*t once in the first week and everyone started digging his grave after that this is insane#Seok Jin Seungkwan Yeon Woo and ORBIT are still in but rn i am in shambles anything goes wrong after this that's it i'm gone#this is why you can't get me involved in these things i'd be the one crying the loudest when i'm sent home#my only prayer at this point is Seok Jin come through with your sexy sexy brain and make it count pls
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The whole ignored vs forgotten poll is so interesting and ended up prompting me to reflect upon the thought process behind the bpd for me
Like I'm not fine with being ignored, but it hurts less because I can choose to ignore them back and cut them off and it's a "I left you before you left me" type of situation
Vs being forgotten that indicates that they never really gave a shit and that I've already been abandoned and then that ultimately triggers the SI and I'm just like 👁👄👁
#the bpd 100% changes the thought process for me#a lot of people said ignored bc someone makes that deliberate choice#but tbh being forgotten can also be a choice#because then you never mattered enough for them to want to maintain that connection#and then that triggers the SI#bc I'm like if no one is going to miss me anyway#then why am I spending so much energy and effort trying to keep myself alive#tw: suicidal ideation#cw: suicidal ideation#Kat rambles
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...
#I'm so sick of Touch starvation#I am sick of bringing it Up#I'm sick of pity Hand pats from Friends#I'm sick of clinging to greetings hugs Just to be asked If i'm okay and making Things awkward#I'm sick that No one ever initiates physical affection with me and why would they#I'm sick that I can't bring it Up with my Family because once I did and I was being mocked for it#I'm sick that Not even my Friends want to hug me because I guess its weird when you have Partners and Kids to hug cuddle someone Else#I'm sick of the yearning so much yearning it's some Boulevard of broken Dreams Level Kind of shit#I'm sick that once my sis has a hugging me Phase (only when Shit is horribly horribly wrong mind you) I get called an opportunist#I hate that the nicest hug I've ever gotten was from a stranger and it gave me a monthlong crush#I can still remember what it feels like I've been feeding of it for the past two years#I don't know why I cant have that am I that unloveable and disgusting?#Also I hate that Intervalls between the months Off being fine and being Like this are decreasing rapidly
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i took the whole week after christmas off so i'm off from dec 22nd to January 2nd and on one hand i'm so looking forward to it and if they try to call me back i'm gonna be so mad. but on the other hand that's too much time to spend at my family house with my mom
#we're not doing great#somebody needs to have a fun loving mother daughter relationship with her bc i don't want her to be sad but why does it have to be me#i go home often bc i'm besties with my little sis but then mom's upset when i don't hang out with her#and honestly it just makes me want to visit less. but then my little sis texts me like you coming this weekend? sad cat image#and this is kinda pathetic but i don't have any other friends so like yeah i'm free this weekend
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Watching a video of an animation student in other country made me realize how fucking deficient my university is, por la gran puta...
#zagreus rambling#like. my degree is a double one so first half you're supposed to learn animation#the other half videogame development#wanna know why yall never see me do ANYTHING related to actual animation?#we didnt learn shit#the key classes for animations were NOTHING#they were either given by someone who DOES NOT work in animation or has a “similar” work#storyboard? given by a guy who doesnt work in animation#just gave us a wikipedia explanation all semester#animation workshop? one of the fucking few classes done by someone who knoes#only showed us pixar shorts and BTS's of said shorts#then wanted us to come up with our own storyboard and animatics#no explanations as HOW DO THEY FUCKING WORK IN THE ACTUAL INDUSTRY#I dont even wanna talk about stop motion#shit was a disaster#and by younger classmates I'm learning they are having it even worse than me#god Im so pissed#THIS IS THE ONLY UNIVERSITY THAT HOLDS THIS FUCKING DEGREE IN THE COUNTRY YOU WOULD EXPECT THEM TO IDK AT LEAST HAVE SOMETHING FOR US??#LIKE CONFERENXES WITH ANIMATORS AND BETTER EDUCATION OF ANIMATION??#si son de aqui de san salvador y alguna vez han ido a uno de esos eventos que hacen en el Ricaldone que los bichos hasta ponen sus cortos#esos majes de seguro recibieron MEJOR educacion que uno en la universidad en 5 años man#me emputa de plano. me emputa todo#ALSO “Digital Animation” WHY THE FUCK WERE WE LEARNING STOPMOTION
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Part 3 of Shadow au, Syns making progress! I think! He thinks! We don't know! Also added some extra stuff to this one because I was inspired by the height chart art using Darkness' extra sharp design so woo! Enjoy your boy @seasidemew! This part was actually meant to be bit heavier but lmao I've changed the order of my canon it's fine lmao so you get another relaxing one
Conversations and Progress
The dark hued two delicately landed in the middle of the makeshift camp, the grass was soft and cool under her feet as she glanced wearily to the side, her pink toned brother snuffled in his sleep stretching wiggling made a mrrp and rolling over with an exhale returning to lightly snoring as she let out a faint sigh of relief. He didn't actually know her yet, they'd never met and frankly after what happened she intended to keep it that way.
The orange hued two lifted her head from where she sat leaning against a tree looking at her sister with dark bags forming under her eyes. She stood slowly motioning with her head and stepped out of the campsite walking a small distance before stopping and waiting for her taller sister.
"What has he asked then?" May hugged herself as she asked the question, thumbs rubbing her arms softly in self soothing motions as she turned her head to glance at her sibling.
"This and that, he still wonders how and why we know each other and he's suggested his own theories he thinks we have a truce or blackmail on each other. And he's been asking what we've been saying about him naturally."
The orange one hummed uncomfortably squeezing her own arms, "and are you still being safe? He's not threatened you or followed you back to your nest?"
"No, not yet, he's moved as if to join me on the flight home but I told him I needed my beauty sleep and my privacy and I didn't like a man that disrespected either of those." She shrugged casually, "it seemed to work."
"Citrine… you really must be more careful..if he, I don't know he might turn if he thinks you're just screwing with him or get real nasty if he gets bored of the games."
"I know.." Her tail swayed, "I know. I'm being careful don't worry so much May, you should be thinking of yourself more I mean look at those bags. Are they designer? You could steal a purse with them when did you last get a proper nights' sleep?"
May looked away squeezing herself, "not since I thought I saw him that night… not properly since finding out I was right.." She shook her head looking back at her sister, "But it's my JOB to worry about you and to worry about Matt. I'm the oldest, you're my baby sister and he's my baby brother. I can't just sleep peacefully knowing he might lurk into camp and slaughter either of you."
Darkness grimaced to herself "May.." She felt Mays hands grab her face reaching up with some difficulty for the height difference.
"No, don't you May me, you're family okay? And I care about you a lot so I'm gonna worry."
She sighed, moving to take her sisters' wrists, planning to move her hands off her face, "you're too forgiving all things considering with me you know."
"You've grown and you've changed, I know you feel bad over what happened because you push away any kindness thinking you don't deserve it, but you do. I mean you keep checking in on us and watching that, that guy for us even though he could be a threat to you. AND hush hush ehp not finished close your mouth, and you're trying to change your identity claiming a new name moving on from being Darkness, and I'm really proud of you for it. Maybe I am too forgiving but I think you've earned the forgiveness."
Darkness hummed awkwardly looking away with her eyes, "I mean the whole experimental new names thing is personal because the name was dumb not some, spiritual metaphor." She moved Mays hands to emphasis the denial of self flinching and pulling her hands away when May winced.
"Ah-!" May looked at the bloody little marks on her wrist and frowned before grabbing one of her sisters hands who tried to retract them pulling it close to examine, she squeezed one of her fingers hearing her hiss in discomfort as a jagged crystal protruded from her paw like a claw.
"What did you do…" her voice was soft and deeply concerned as she examined Darkness' hand noticing the spikes protruding from her wrist also, "Citrine…"
"Dont…that names too nice for me.." She sighed softly, "I saw him. During the day fighting a Mega evolved Aggron. It didnt stand a chance… I got, scared, and panicked so I added more to myself to be stronger so if he turns nasty, if I have to fight him it'll give me the edge and extra strength."
"That must hurt.."
"It's not so bad, rather ache now and win then avoid needed pain and lose."
"I don't agree with you doing this to yourself, but it's done now.. If it comes to it you know I'd fight by your side against him."
"You're such a mother sometimes." Darkness chuckled softly, "I suppose I like the sound of those odds." May gently released her hand.
"Just please don't do anything else like this to yourself okay? Cause I don't want it turning into a self punishment thing. I know you because you're like me, you're from me, I am your mother." Though her tone was stern it did end in a playful way as she offered her sister a comforting smile.
"Hm, fine sure whatever mom," Darkness laughed softly, "I should go entertain him then for a bit, don't want him getting too bored or jealous." Moving to step away.
"Please stay." She paused at Mays request, "I, want Matt to meet you and I just, I have a bad feeling tonight. I don't know I feel bad letting you leave to go to him. I worry you won't come back. So, stay? You can have my bed." Darkness swished her tail smiling softly to her sister, usually she'd argue about having to go but to some degree she'd been wanting to meet her little brother too even if she was anxious with his initial negative experience with shadow mewtwo. "and I might actually sleep better tonight with you both nearby and safe!"
"aah fine I guess you've convinced me," smiling casually she watched Mays shoulders drop in relief as they moved to walk back to the camp.
"I think Matt will love you once he gets to know you realize who you are...and I think you're wrong Citrine is a nice name for you you deserve a good name and I think you should get a name that's pretty. Like Crystal or Jewel or uh Diamond or Moonstone." Darkness snorted softly.
"I'm noticing a theme here," smirking as May floundered.
"Well you said Citrine was a gem so like eehh was trying to think of other gem things I thought you liked it for that?"
"Well, it's like a yellow gem and it's kinda pretty..though it was his suggestion before he swapped to Citrus cause I got the two confused."
"Ah yes orange scented," May lightly bumped into her sister playful as they walked into camp, "I mean you're a pretty gem, it's up to you what you choose."
Darkness hesitated for a moment, "I, was thinking of maybe looking at M starting names…since like you and Matt..but that's probably intruding.."
May smiled at her comfortingly, "Hey that'd be nice, or if you pick an A starting name we could become M A M." Darkness lightly hit her face shoving her away as she laughed.
"Never mind I'm never taking suggestions from you ever," but she laughed fondly as May chuckled in mischievous motioning for Darkness to take her bed, a few leaves carefully arranged on the ground for padding against the dirt just as cushioning the best they could do considering they were out in the wilds with no equipment.
Darkness moved to sit but pointed at her in play threat, "you better sleep." With May putting her hands up in surrender before moving to find a spot to sit to sleep as Darkness awkwardly tried to get comfortable. She missed her cot back at her nest but she appreciated the gesture and that her sister wanted her there. She stretched out and then curled up using the middle of her tail as a cushion. May found a tree trunk to lean against, she looked up past the treeline scanning the sky for a moment before taking off her glasses carefully placing them down on the grass besides her before as she brought her knees to her chin crossing her arms over her knees and nuzzling her cheek into her arm crook to sleep.
From far away higher up, Syns tail swayed and thumped aggressively into the tree trunk of the branch he was sitting on. He scanned over the area where the pair had made camp watching the other shadow pokemon join them as his brows furrowed in frustration and confusion, why was she staying there?? What about their chats? His tail thumped the tree trunk in frustration again.
He moved to stand and stepped casually from the branch he was stood on to fly over, if she wasn't going to come see him he'd go see her. He felt the air shifting as he grew closer, a subtle but tangible building of energy as he approached causing him to slow but not stop. The air shimmered and he stopped before he flew right into the shining white dome that materialized feeling the sharp gust caused by its sudden creation. He watched it glisten a shine of white before fading and wondered what that was, he reached a hand out with practiced caution feeling his fingers collide with something solid the white shimmer reappearing where his fingers made impact.
"A protect huh…" He pulled his hand back and the glow faded but as he observed where the dome had originally formed there was a slight haze to indicate it's existence that it wasn't gone just simply blending into its surroundings. He started to wonder how a protect this large and powerful could form as his eyes glanced to the campsite, Mays whited over eyes stared forward without seeing glowing with psychic energy. He should've guessed.
Judging by the size and strength of the protect, he theoretically COULD smash his way through it if he really went for it but watching her eyes roll back and her body slump to the ground gave him the impression it was a subconscious move and breaking it might actually wake her. Besides, there's no way it'd last forever. He'd wager by morning it would've weakened or faded. Sighing just a little annoyed he moved to go find a new perch to watch them more closely he supposed.
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Syn grumbled as rays of light beamed offendingly right into his face, he squinted at the sun with a faint growl lazily moving his hand to shove a cloud over it for five more minutes as he wiggled his shoulders to readjust himself against his tree trunk. As he tried to return to his sleep his brain became aware of the lack of psychic tension that had been present the night before practically dragging his thoughts around to force him into an awake state to which he groaned softly squinting to the side of camp, he blinked his tired eye momentarily mistaking glistening droplets of water as the haze around the protect before realizing it was in fact gone.
Slightly unhappily he sat up to properly peer at the campsite, it was early first light and they were all still asleep. He could've easily approached but also he didn't want to trigger another protect, he'd wait till May was at least conscious deducing she'd be less likely to do anything spontaneously powerful with an awake brain.
The Pinky one, Matt or something had managed to roll off of his makeshift leaf bed in the night and had contorted himself into an obscure position with his head touching his lower back nearly, legs stretched backwards and tail wrapping around the tip resting near his chest. Citrine meanwhile had curled herself up quite small into a ball much like other feline creatures. And May was still flopped out on the floor, chin in the grass body twisted so her legs were still up as she was sat which would probably put an ache on her spine.
The sun won its battle against Syns block cloud and the sunlight gently warmed the leaves and grace dancing over the sleeping lot in the campsite with only May grumbling her legs finally falling in a flop as she rolled over to hide her face from the sun before clumsily sitting up and promptly bashing the side of her head into the tree trunk she'd originally been leant again with clearly no spacial awareness. Syn did a mock flinch to himself quietly chuckling as she quietly groaned rubbing the side of her head with a soft "ow" as she slowly got to her feet grabbing her glasses and waddling off to the side.
Syn contemplated walking into the camp with her gone, maybe he could grab her brother as a bargaining chip or drag Citrus away to find out why she abandoned their usual talks but he knew that wouldn't really help him get closer to his goal. He couldn't force May or Citrus to reveal their secrets, couldn't intimidate or threaten them into wanting to join him because they could attack him and would likely reject him. He had to play it calm and he had to be approachable, he was a charming guy he just had to let May see that like how Citrus did.
He sighed softly collecting himself with an inhale and exhale running a hand past his eye to clear away any sleep and smoothly feeling up his horn, he was quite the specimen after all he's sure they could both see that. He moved casually to glide along to see where May went, he didn't want Citrus mad that he ruined her beauty sleep after all.
He was glad by the lack of energy in the air it meant his theory was correct and it was subconscious otherwise another barrier would have appeared as he passed her siblings. He found her knelt by a small stream, her glasses carefully placed down beside her, her head was currently under the water and making bubbles with her head slightly shaking before she sat up and breathed and shook her head again to shake the water off. She squinted past the water on her eyelashes making opening her eyes and seeing kind of difficult. In her side vision she could make out a darker colored shape before she brought her hands up to rub her eyes to clean the sleep away and to clean her face from the grass and mud stuck under her chin.
"G'morning sis," She yawned past her hands cleaning her face, "sleep well?"
"Oh," the male voice that reached her ears caused her to stiffen in terror, "so she's your sister?" Mays head whipped around as she shoved herself quickly against the floor to half stumble and half throw herself backwards scrambling away from Syn as he drank water collected in his hand from the stream. He turned to look at her as she fell into a sit at a distance from him, he could see her eyes were wide and breathing rapidly.
He couldn't deny feeling a bit disappointed at the reaction, the fight had been a while ago surely she would've gotten over it by now and besides he knows Citrus and her have been talking so he didn't get what the reaction was for. He moved his hand to pick up her forgotten glasses holding them out to her.
"I think you need these, right?" Her eyes were trained on him watching his every move down to the flick of his tail. "Look I don't want to fight, I'm not here to hurt you I just wanna talk." He offered one of his dashing smiles and the sight of his sharp teeth sent a feeling of dread through her.
He could see she was thinking locked in place unable to decide what to do, he in this moment kind of held the glasses over her because she needed them so she couldn't flee safely without them but he could see she didn't feel comfortable staying either. It was frustrating he was hoping for a warmer reception but he kept his face steady letting his brows fall in a sad kind of way rather than displaying frustration, acting sad instead of showing his real emotions.
"I'm sorry, I must have really hurt you huh?" He copied the tone of someone genuinely apologetic quite well, he didn't necessarily feel bad about the fight or aftermath. She was a rival, a meal at the time. How was he to know she was interesting? He lifted the glasses with his purple psychic energy and moved them over to her as a peace offering.
She hesitated before slowly taking them and he watched her at least pause to put them on as she looked at him again rather than immediately bolting. He kept the sad look on his face lowering his head as if ducking in apology or embarrassment as she watched him uncertainly.
She didn't move for a moment watching him as he moved to look at the water as if he was unable to bear looking at her, internally impressed with his acting skills. He heard her quietly shifting but it didn't sound like she was standing, she adjusted from her terrified position into a slightly more comfortable sit making sure it was a position she could easily move from. She watched him blinking a bit in confusion as she observed him.
Darkness had said he was much more civilized when she spoke with him, flirty even but not looking for a fight and not aggressive. She'd assumed he only acted that way because Darkness had a crystal too, but he was acting kind of normal now.
"Uhm," May uncertainly coughed into her hand to clear her throat, "I'm, gonna, go…" She moved to awkwardly stand saying, "enjoy the, water?" then cringing to herself as she turned to return to camp awkwardly. He turned his head to look at her watching her go, part of him having wanted her to stay to be fascinated by his good behavior to want to know all she could and he was a bit annoyed she didn't seem to care. He did also know it was to some degree a win, had she attacked him it meant she still saw him as a threat so clearly she must be somewhat intrigued by him.
"May?" She froze a bit at him knowing her name it felt so strange coming from his mouth uncertainly turning her head to look at him, "I am genuinely sorry for what I did, I'm trying to do better with this," he touched his shoulder around the crystal feigning pain and sorrow, "so I hope I can make it up to you and your brother someday." He gave her a smile that seemed genuine and she almost found herself fully believing him. With a shy smile she nodded unsure how to answer that at all and walked away to camp.
When her back turned Syns smile fell into a disappointed scowl, he put his head in his hand and he wrinkled his nose in frustration knowing no more than he did for trying this. He only hoped that he'd planted the seeds and he'd be able to reap the harvest later, if she did believe him then he could start to worm his way in. If her and Citrus were sisters and had a rocky past he's sure he could work it out with her too.
May walked back to camp feeling confused and anxious, her heart was still thumping despite nothing having happened but she knows it could've. And yet he seemed quite sad… She couldn't deny she did in fact feel a bit bad just abandoning him there on his own lonesome but what could she even say to him? And how could she justify just sitting being friendly with the Pokemon who tried to murder her brother? She sighed a bit to herself and stopped, she should've maybe at least asked his name. Should she go back? Would it be weird to? If he was sorry and did want to fix it wouldn't it be polite to be able to address him by name? Mutually extend the opportunity of healing? If he's just 'that Mewtwo who tried to kill Matt' in her mind isn't that a bit cruel?
She groaned to herself debating and awkwardly walking back, he was still sat by the water and he seemed to be lost in his own thoughts, after some more mental debating she cleared her throat making him quickly look towards her, seeming a bit startled which in turn startled her.
"I, uh, sorry, I… never got your name?" She felt awkward just saying it she should've just kept walking. He looked at her and she could only imagine how much he was judging her, meanwhile Syn had to hide the want to break into a victorious smirk, she wanted to know his name and there's no way she'd want to know that if she wasn't thinking about him.
"Syn, you can call me Syn." He smiled at her giving another dashing smile and it weirdly didn't fill her with dread this time, she smiled a bit nodding at him in understanding.
"Syn..well, um nice to officially meet you, you already know my name but uh I'm May." She felt awkward as he looked at her smiling, but it felt a bit weird not introducing herself back. She thought about what to say next until she heard Matt yelling in the distance.
"WHO THE HELL ARE YOU WHERE'S MAY?!"
She flinched a bit at the volume with an oof, "I gotta go do uh damage control, bye!" She moved to run back to camp, stopping to lean back into view, "Syn." giving a wave before sprinting back to explain everything.
Syns' tail swayed up and down, content with the turn of events. He grinned satisfied to himself as he stood up thinking that May was indeed very interested in him. He'd be back later though it seemed like the pair was becoming a trio and the change in chemistry may cause difficulties. But, he counted this as a win overall. Maybe Citrus had put in a good word for him.
#My writing#@seasidemew oc#@seasidemew syn#I don't think this needs any tags for once holy moly#But like if you feel it needs any let me know obviously#Darkness choose a name challenge 2023 XD#She's experimenting lmao I'll let her be actually but I think I'm funny that when he's thinking of her he calls her Citrus#Also sibling moments she loves her sis a lot#And Darkness just there like secretly terrified of Syn#Also lmao Syn is so grumpy in my writing. Mad Citrus doesn't do their usual talks mad at sun mad May isn't infatuated with him#Life is SO unfair for Syn XD#He's just here like um excuse me I'm being a sad little meow meow here you're meant to forgive me and be interested in me now#Like what do you MEAN you're still negatively affected by that fight we had that was like 4 months ago why aren't u over it XD#Syn wants her to be interested in him so bad XD like hello??? I'm interesting?? Be interested!!#But also what a manipulative lying lil fucker just oh :( oh Yea I feel awful :(#May: *asks for Syns name because she wants to extend an olive branch believing his acting*#Syn: god I just can't keep the woman off of me#This is also important like building blocks for the next fic lmao because now the idea of Syn actually being a good boy has been planted m#And since she was just earlier talking about how darkness has redeemed herself she'll be thinking huh maybe he can be redeemed too#Spoilers he cannot probably who knows but he lie and fib and May unfortunately sees the best in people#Tw blood mention#Dangit XD
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ouuhwhuh the nectar (water) ! ohhuhuihouhuhu
...am i a fish
#just me hi#wwwwwwwwwortorrrrrr ouhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh#am i just like at that stage of dehydration where i don't feel it again or are my senses Elevated. hard to tell#[takes a sippy] [takes a sippy] [takes a sippy] [takes a sippy] [takes a sippy] [takes a sippy] [takes a sippy] [takes a sippy] [takes a si#/god was so so very right for making water. oh man oh boy oh Man#like. this stuff is Great#sometimes it's Really gross but this stuff is really really good#how many types of water are there#google says 7#7 wortor. 7 virtues......#fish virtues............#oh no my conspiracy brain is coming out of hiding oh gosh oh frick oh n-#//oh yeah so i had to do Hygiene Things earlier and my mmmmmother Finally got shampoo after Weeks of DISH SOAP.#heavens' sake- DISH SOAP. it was in my HAIR. it was AWFUL#just TERRIBLE. it's a horrible awful terrible texture and i don't even know how to describe it. it's like. plastic#bad vibes!#so my mom's like 'why don't you just use the dish soap lol' and i don't have my brain on so i'm just like 'it feels bad :/'#and i Know there's somebody who agrees with me cuz like. that shizz is sposed to strip off COOKING OIL. i am NOT so much an oily boi as my#mother wants to believe (assuming from the fact she kept telling me to use DISH SOAP. WRONG.)#yeah this isn't the first time this has happened. yea i wish it would be the last time but this isn't the world of my dreams yet so#/DISH SOAP. it dries out my skkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkine i canNOT believe this. Horror#//anyway my dramatics are over again :) [drapes over the couch]#somebody fetch me like. a lemonade or something. or pink lemonade!! very good drink :D [continues to Drape]
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I am THE best at going to bed on time, and I swear I'm about to go to bed, pinky promise, but I need to make it known that, y'all, I have a problem. Also, I have good news and bad news:
The good news is, I'm probably going to wind up writing two post-DLC self-insert isekai fics
The bad news is, I'm lowballing that number because at least one of them is shaping up to be a trilogy
...that's more bad news for me and anyone who doesn't give a care about my self-insert bullshit, tbh XD
But yeah, I had the thought of dropping my SI into Rheddah and having her get picked up by the cult and ultimately having to fight against Frey and Sus, and it's been so much easier to write than dropping her into Athia for some reason? Although that could just be bc I'm way overthinking the dropping her into Athia thing, considering I'm adding three OCs on top of the SI and I need to find a way to make all of that make sense. Whereas dropping her into Rheddah, I'm only adding Keen and I've got his plot all figured out no matter which way I write these fics.
So yeah. Two or more for the price of one: absolutely free!
Why do I do these things to myself? Because it's fun :P
#and also I'm secretly a masochist#self-insert shenanigans#bobbi's being weird again#darn rheddig tantas throwing wrenches into my plans#they're what's tripping me up with the Athia route#...and also figuring out why my SI gets kidnapped from Earth#like she needs to serve a PURPOSE and I HAD ONE before but...#wait can I finagle that?#...gonna make a quick note in my notes doc and THEN I SWEAR I WILL GO TO BED#I have got to stop staying up late#you wouldn't think half an hour would make a difference but BOY HOWDY does half an hour make a difference
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struggling to process today's session. I am not having a good brain day and it's deeply frustrating to Speak Wrong
#mine#lem experiences cognitive behavioural torture#well. not Wrong. just that spaghetti at wall word vomit until I find a topic I can string together multiple sentences for.#I meant to gather my thoughts the previous night but didn't#touched briefly on my fear of mental deterioration. I tried and probably failed once again to express how little I'm worried abt my body#which is frustrating in a different way bc I'm NOT as comfortable sharing my dx rap sheet as I used to be so I'm greatly understating#how much the body is zapping from me. like it's not one or two comorbidities it's like 8 and no I WON'T be seeing another specialist#''but don't you want to know what's wrong?'' I know what's wrong old man. I'm not having another 70$ copay to be told it's ''not THAT bad''#I'm getting closer to angry eye contact tho so that's nice. I hope he's the sort that would respond involuntarily to a glare.#there's so much internal discomfort and I need to expel it onto someone else#anyway I told him abt the walk w big sis and he was like ''that's p far'' ??? no?? ''it's a couple miles and a steep hile'' yes.#''that's a lot'' no? ''it is if you don't regularly do that'' ?? I agree w this statement but I cannot apply it to myself#yeah yeah going from 0 to 100 bad but ????? the goal was to coffee shop? I met the goal? why is goal moved backwards?#''you could try walking half the distance on the less steep route for a couple days'' BUT WHY#I DID THE THING#I HAVE PROVEN MYSELF CAPABLE WHY MUST I DO EXTRA#the fucking logistics of this sucks. now instead of one good day when the weather and my schedule and pain levels align... I need several??#I think this is to build up stamina and get me out of the house but holy fuck there's a reason I don't go out more often#it took a 4day weekend and a fucking miracle to go on the first walk#during my complaining he mentioned that my trouble w visual overwhelm was align w a symptom of ''one of the diagnoses your mom suspected''#and it's just A) ... duh. it's the 'tism. B) she was repeating the words of my doctor. C) why does this guy not believe I'm autistic#clearly I'm not bothering him enough. I must find a way to rectify this immediately#lem has a body
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also if you have relatives/friends who will not in a million years admit that they are racist/homophobic/etc. since they know this is a bad thing they shouldn't endorse or be, then calling them out directly often leads to denial and deflection and getting really defensive and not backing down.
But if you just say 'hey, it was kind of rude to say X' or 'i think you were making H uncomfortable by bringing up X/making X joke' then they're more likely to listen w/out immediately going to level 10 defensive mode.
Also, ppl who will staunchly deny being a racist/fatphobe/homophobe/etc. will be more likely to agree to simply being 'a bit of an asshole last night.'
The goal is not to get the person to make a complete 180. It's to get them to be a little bit less of an asshole next time. And then rinse and repeat until someday they're, like, barely an asshole at all.
GRADE SCHOOL SJWS stop using social justice language to explain shit to your conservative parents IT’S NOT GONNA GO THROUGH now all they have are some new words to make fun of. don’t tell your mom she’s being fatphobic tell her she’s being a dick
#i have a lot of family and friends who can be dicks about stuff#sad thing is a lot of them don't actually think they're being harmful#like they legit do think that making a racist joke IN FRONT OF a person of that race is like...something they'd be cool with#like no i'm sorry but yes they are laughing at the joke but like very uncomfortably#they are going to find an excuse to leave any second now and u will not understand why they had to go so early#also the fatphobia is strong in this family. fat is also strong in this family#so it's like even worse somehow#like jesus christ it's one thing if it's my skinny-ass baby sister with a long history of body image issues and eating disorders#who is making the fat-shaming remarks#but Dad? my guy YOU are not a skinny guy. you've very much got a classic dad beer gut going there#you are in no position to be throwing these stones#the inside of his mind must be wild because he knows he has a fat beer gut and is like proud of it#but he also does not consider himself fat. like does not cross his mind#also majority of our extended relatives are fat. this is america. not surprising.#he somehow has them all put into separate categories of like good and bad kind of fat ppl but i can't figure out the metric#it's not something simple like gender or age or ppl over a specific weight#at this point i have given up on figuring out what's going on in his head#my middle sister and i have had great success on getting Dad and baby sis to simply not say shit in public#no racist jokes no fatphobic remarks. save it for car rides and family dinners#where the only ones suffering are me and middle sis#and not some poor innocent waitress or retail clerk or somebody behind us at the grocery store#baby steps
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