#shut up kody

[mvtt-b0y]

dog but not in a puppy way

dog in an abnormally large mutt roaming the streets at night, still wet from the autumn rain, paws and claws making that little clicky-scrapey noise against the asphalt, only being seen under streetlamps, fur soaking wet, pointy ears and fangs bared, blood staining its fur due to a recent hunt, panting, huffing, growling

[kodyzzz]

we do be going in circles

[schizoboner]

CALVIN GABRIEL CHILL GUY SPOTTED

[cant-find-a-name]

Remember to recycle your trash <3

[kodylovesvodkaaa]

my current mood

[mvtt-b0y]

the 2nd one, 6ut sometimes we only wear one sock

[amandaanddonnie]

SISTER WIVES Season 19 Episode 11 - teaser

[mvtt-b0y]

ever since i came to terms with being completely nonhuman, ive realized that i have to physically restrain myself from doing most things. like a dog howled this morning and i had to put a hand over my mouth to stop myself, i have to physically restrain myself from howling at the moon (cliche, i know, but i just need to do it.), im having more shifts, my brain gets all tingly and feral when i see an innocent little squirrel, i love going to parks cus my parents walk with me (i see it as going on a walk), i love having tight necklaces cus they feel like collars, i cant go 5 minutes without curling my fingers like paws, i love running away and having people chase me, my handler uses dog commands for me, like sit, heel, fetch, etc and im like YAYAYAYAY cus i am literally just a canine, theres no other way to describe it, im just a dog, that's it!! im not human at all, and since ive realized that, ive been so much more happy with my life, i love being me!! i have a necklace coming in with a bone shaped dog tag and a little red paw charm and like thats gna be my collar until my handler can get me one, and im so fucking excited bro what the hell my tail wags every single day because i love my life

[kodyzzz]

intellectually active but emotionally numb

that's what ive noticed about people with szpd; they often have rich inner lives, with intellectual exploration, hobbies, and interests. however, these are usually engaged with on a cerbreal level rather than an emotional one

what this means is that i can be deeply invovled in learning about a subject, or indulding in a creative hobby, but without the drive or emotional satisfaction that others might derive from those same activities

this intellectual-emotional disconnect, for me, leads to a sense of emptiness despite being busy or productive. and if not emptiness then dissonance, being detached from yourself; it's like watching a movie, seeing the work be put in, and seeing the final result yet still feel a profound void.

and so, achievements mean nothing, finishing projects and hitting milestones falls flat. i feel robbed of feeling proud of myself.

[mvtt-b0y]

TONIGHT!!!!!!

[schizoboner]

hmm... is this real🤔🤔💭💭🤨🤨..

[kodylovesvodkaaa]

im cleaning my depression room rn someone shoot me this is killing me

i have stepped on so many glass shards my feet r all cut up and theres still dirty clothes and cardboard shreds everywhere lord have mercy

atleast its getting clean

[amandaanddonnie]

SISTER WIVES Season 19 Episode 10 - Full Episode - recap

[kodyzzz]

@cl0se-th3-d00r

MY HONEST OPINION

[mvtt-b0y]

I CANT WAIT TO BE ABLE TO GET A COLLAR SOMEONE CONTAIN ME SOMEOME PUT ME BACK IN MY CAGE.

also for you canines that r larger canine breeds, do yall get species euphoria when you cant fit in places? lile when you cant PHYSICALLY fit in? like i lay on my handlers lap ALL THE TIME and hes like "youre big as hell kody get the freak off" and im like YIPPEE!!

[kodyzzz]

i like the idea of having friends. i like to imagine close bonds, mutual understanding, a sense of belonging, security, having someone who will pull the world's edges for you—it is, in fact, my favourite thing to write about.

the reality, however, is very different to this fantasy i have envisioned in my head. because actual friendships require time. they require time, energy, emotional investment, and care—things i struggle to give. these expectations are quite overwhelming, quite draining; the effort to maintain regular contact, engage in conversations, meet the emotional needs of others is so very exhausting.

this dissonance between fiction and reality often leads me to withdraw and give up. i realise the reality is unattainable and i go a full circle. and the fantasy remains just that—a fantasy.

real-life interactions fall short on my expectations—or i fall short for them. so i'll retreat back into my solitude, choose the comfort of my own company over maintaining friendships that can never quite live up to the perfect version in my head.