worst-roommates-ever

[worst-roommates-ever]

there is a spectrum with plurality on one end and hivemind on the other. polycule is somewhere in the middle.

[worst-roommates-ever]

anyone else get embarrassed when their self indulgent daydreams are like too self-indulgent? like oh jeez the telepaths are going to judge me

[worst-roommates-ever]

this point and click adventure game where the main character has adhd fucking sucks. i got softlocked because i told him to check the computer and now hes just scrolling his dash and if i click on anything he goes "i cant do that. im locked the fuck in"

[worst-roommates-ever]

beautiful.

"i'm from a VIDEO GAME, VIDEO GAME CHARACTERS aren't AUTISTIC,"

-🍄⛺. marlton buddy i think that's the worst defense i've ever heard

(follow-up: "you’re telling me sonic is autistic?". i cannot explain how much i am in fact telling you that sonic is autistic)

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[worst-roommates-ever]

Me at age 8: I might not have any friends, but I can make imaginary friends with rich social lives to fill that hole. I bet when I’m older I’ll grow out of this. 

Me at age 20: I need to make another OC to try and simulate human connection or else I’m gonna lose my mind.

[worst-roommates-ever]

[bedbugs cw?]

[external friend, encouraging 🐋 to sleep]: "sleep tight! don't let the bedbugs bite!"

[🐋, worried and concerned]: “bedbugs? do you think there are bedbugs?”

[host]: “in my fucking brain? there are no bedbugs.”

[🐋, completely serious]: “UNLESS YOU HAVE A BEDBUG ALTER! D:”

fucking hilarious sorry marlton. however i can guarantee you i do not have a bedbug alter -🍄⛺ / @worst-roommates-ever

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[worst-roommates-ever]

“YOU CAN'T MAKE FUN OF MY SPELLING! I'M DYSLEXIC!”

“THE BODY'S NOT DYSLEXIC. YOU'RE NOT DYSLEXIC ANYMORE.”

[horrified, offended:] “YOU TOOK MY DISABILITY AWAY FROM ME?!”

-🍄⛺ / @worst-roommates-ever

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[worst-roommates-ever]

“HAHA! PAYBACK, BITCH!” (unrelated pause.) “AM i white?”

-🍄⛺ / @worst-roommates-ever

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[worst-roommates-ever]

highly recommend keeping a small portrait of a historical figure who met a grisly end on your work desk. for perspective.

[worst-roommates-ever]

Ok I know that this is miscommunication BUT both of us thought this was funny so here we go!

[worst-roommates-ever]

[worst-roommates-ever]

exomemories are so funny it's like

life changing traumatic event

that one time i fell in a puddle

[worst-roommates-ever]

Yeah I'm using first person pronouns to refer to events that happened five years ago for convenience though for all intents and purposes I'm actually relaying stuff that happened to the dead girl that used to pilot this body

[worst-roommates-ever]

having a guy who loves talking about himself but who is very sensitive about talking about himself is so stupid. brother if you keep bringing up your distinctly evil backstory, which you KNOW is distinctly evil, someone is going to call it distinctly evil.

how about you stop bringing yourself up just so people call you hot

[worst-roommates-ever]

ok they're on a shared server. hey meni. what the fuck now

actually deep in beef with [redacted shitty head roommate] right now. everyone AGREES we dont want to be friends with [redacted irl] so WHYYY DO YOU FUCKING WANT TO BE FRIENDS WITH THEM

[worst-roommates-ever]

cw: pregnancy

someome in my brain just said infants are the ultimate blind bag

"u dont know what u get until u pop the container open" foul. i hate whoever said this

-💡🏠

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[worst-roommates-ever]

"ur like if jack manifold and james marriot had a child. but like, not out of love"

still dont know who said this to me

-💡🏠

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