#shows what i grew up with i guess
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creativebrainrot · 4 months ago
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okay rambling time actually
i have so many identity issues (?) no one ever really sees me the way i see my self and i know thats because im currently incapable of allowing myself to act as I am due to my trauma caused by my father.
a n y confidence or personal opinion i dared to state as fact would get interrogated or questions or invalidated and that's resulted in me constantly, involuntarily, cushioning all my language in the tone "or whatever lol something like that lmao idk im just a stupid silly little guy!!! ive never had a thought ever lol lmao !!!!!!!!!" and I genuinely resent that.
its hard to break out of though because I do, also, enjoy purposefully joking like that. I can draw a line between that and my default behavior, its just hard; since the divorce, since his death, since finally being well and truly free, I have had to re-write myself. I'm doing better than ever yeah, this so called chrysalis phase of my life has by all account been awfully stress free, I am grateful for that.
I will never be grateful for being forced in to the molds I was by my father, I hope he rots alone in purgatory. To get back on topic- I am trying to 'fix' this, to rewrite myself into who I really am. It's kinda hard though; when your default is 120% "heehoo i am a sillay little gnome ive never had a thought in my life i am goofy !!!!" then anytime you do speak, plainly, like anyone else would, you feel like all of a sudden you're being "harsh" or "too serious." I know thats not true but part of me does, at least a little, fear that when I've grown into who I want to be the ones I love now won't be there / won't love me the same- I know that's unlikely, I know it won't happen, that if we fade from eachother it'd probably be for other reasons than my speech changing slightly. Because nothing else will change about me I'm not going to actually "get meaner" i'm simply a little frightened that's how it would sound to some.
But, you know. if, self-confidence and the real personality I have coming forward means I lose friends then were we ever really friends? in a way. I don't know but anyway that's only a small fear because I have deadpan phases and deadpan friends/people around me already.
It's the convincing myself to stop panicking everytime I let myself be confident or stoic or sure and secure. The day I've worked through most of the trauma that causes me intense anxiousness and insecurity is the day I can finally thrive and be me.
You don't know how tired I am of cushioning myself in language and tone that says "I am small. I am anxious. I am silly, goofy, tiny, harmless. I am not a threat. I am incapable of being a threat."
because people listen to you. and now that my father is dead and gone I got nothing to be traumatically defensive about like that.
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keepthetension · 9 months ago
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this was made especially for those of us who cut ties with our shitty families, huh
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i cried so much this whole episode. i know that i can't be in that house and be who i am at the same time, but the guilt and shame never really go away. i love that this episode said, wholeheartedly: fuck what society says, you should be wherever allows you to be happiest
anyway! you always hear that family estrangement is rare in asian communities, but i did it! and you can do it, too! dump your shitty family! i believe in you~
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incorrectsibunaquotes · 4 months ago
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lmk why i’ve allowed myself to work myself into an emotional wreck over the denby sisters. they were sisters, man… idk
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vnknowcrow · 7 months ago
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I'm so sorry y'all, maybe I missed something, some type of scene, something somewhere but I have no fucking clue how you can get lucyXcooper out of this show.
I truly don't gaf about rarepairs or enemies to lovers or shipping just cause you like how they look together or just cause it's fucked up but like genuinely saying they had good romance chemistry (better then Lucy and max even???) Is genuinely mind boggling to me.
Ship what you want, just don't lie to me?
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artsandstoriesandstuff · 4 months ago
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Ginger and Gingerbread or something, I don't know I didn't grow up with this show
#but the truth is NO ONE GREW UP WITH THIS SHOW!!! I came up with the project!!!#...well I guess that means I did grow up with it lol#anyway#Ginger (right) and Gingerbread (left) is a series about a sister and brother gingerbread cookies that get stuck in Gingerbread land#thanks to -and I'm not joking- a peppermint watch Gingerbread has that can traverse dimensions#It also included their Aunt(?) Cake and their cousins as well as the annoying next-door kid Sugar- I mean Sergeant#(who of course has an incessant crush on Ginger)#(but he does get better I promise)#theres also a human antagonist a cookie version of said antagonist and a “pretty” girl named Pepper who everyone (Ginger) hated#(and likewise Gingerbread had an incessant crush on Pepper but unlike Sergeant it does NOT get better with those two)#(also Pepper is Human Gingerbread Cookie whatever's cousin. So that's fun!)#The cousins were the most generic characters ever but I still love them#They were Cutie (the baby) Hungry (the... self explanatory) Gothy (also self explanatory) Scaredy (need I say more) and Sassy#Sassy was the bratty older teenager with a new boyfriend every week of course.#In the original series Sergeant was adopted by Aunt Cake and he and Sassy had a sibling rivalry#I may just make him an orphan now... lol... but I'll still make the Cake Cousins his found family#why did I not think of the cake cousins as a name sooner#anywho. This show gives me intense 2000s disney channel/CN vibes to me let me know what you think of this 3+ year old idea lol#art#digital art#krita#gingerandgingerbreadseries#gingerbread man#original series#also I gave Gingerbread the hat to improve his silhouette is it dumb or no (/hj)#story idea#original idea#oh I forgot someone! There was a cool girl named Angel(ica) and she was Scaredy's friend who became his girlfriend later in the show#i loved the two#oh hey should I make more of these drawings of the rest of the cast/the cast I want to keep
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tigergender · 12 days ago
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I like going back over early SU episodes and thinking about them too hard until my blood vessels in my brain pop. I enjoy the show as much as I did when I was younger but I think my enjoyment has shifted from "watching Steven go on exciting magical adventures" to "watching the horrible threads of everything that encompasses Steven in SU:F betray themselves through innocuous interactions and episodes."
#august.chr#nyways i think it's fun rewatching season 1 especially bc WOW steven is a sheltered kid#it's really amazing to me how steven is so out of touch with both the gem side and the human side of his life#steven doesn't go to school or the doctor or know his family members or have any friends his age (b4 connie) except#the local food service workers (one of whom bullies him) and the mailman. also he grew up in a van for years#but also steven is lampshaded from things like garnet's abilities and the gem war and the kindergarten and he had never really been on#a real mission before. and despite living in the house for presumably at least a few years he doesnt really know abt the temple#nor does he know abt things as basic as like. fusion. or poofing#it feels like greg and the gems in an effort to spare steven from the more painful details of being a person and about being a gem#left the kid with a deeply flawed framework for what constitutes as 'normal'#like idk it just makes me sad. there's a reason steven stopped really growing after age 8 and it's bc it wasn't until steven started showing#useful powers that either side really seemed to give this kid a forwards direction. and then steven has to grow up way too damn fast bc of#(gestures at homeworld)#ok anyways i lost momentum with what i was thinking abt i've had a lot of scattered thoughts abt su today#this is why i love steven universe so much like a decade later. i think it's very smooth with how well its narrative builds upon itself#and how your perspective on steven's journey shifts as he grows up. and also i guess as you grow up if you happen to be in like#my specific age group#lol
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ellies-enrichment · 1 year ago
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brother used in a bestie slang way because tommy can’t say bestie he doesn’t know ellie like that (or at all apparently)
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yaoifortresstwo · 5 months ago
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breakups are so fucking weird. three years and just like that it's gone. huh
#helix.txt#gross i ended up spilling my guts in tags. look at them fucking writhing on the floor all bloody#dont rb please#vent#to quote fall out boy i knew it was over i just didn't know the date#yeah that's it. fall out boy can fix this.#i will feel better if i go listen to bang the doldrums#and infinity on high in general#and folie a deux. folie a fucking deux how i love that album#my chem will make me better. gerard way save me#god what a weird feeling. you used to know me better than any other person but then you moved hundreds of miles away and it worked#for a while. then two years later you said it wasnt working and that this was best for both of us. guess i never got the memo for that one#hope we treat other people better because i wasn't as kind as i should have been towards the end and you were never as thoughtful or con-#-siderate as i needed towards the end. we grew apart because you're bad at keeping contact over messaging#and in some ways the cracks in the foundation that grew from that were my fault too i guess. our conversations always felt one sided#maybe i was smothering you#you could never seem to keep more than a passing recollection of the things i liked or even pay much attention to them#but i wasn't great about that either#we just became different people. you weren't what i wanted or needed and you couldn't do long distance. whatever#i know it was the right thing i just wish it hadn't made me feel so damn awful#will we still talk after this? who knows. we didn't end on bad terms but things are definitely weird#and considering your track record with people you can only talk to online i'm not optimistic#you tried to break things off initially by saying you'd said you would improve in the past with nothing to show for it#something i didn't disagree with but i said it didn't bother me much. and it didn't#but it's complicated now. i did deserve better. but you made it clear i'm not getting it from you#you weren't as present or thoughtful as i needed#i wasn't there in person the way you needed and certainly not as considerate as i should have been. and for that second part i'm truly sorr#anyways. sorry. i'd been thinking about it for a long time anyway. i didn't want to admit it because i didn't like to think#about what it might bring. maybe i should have been braver#right. that's enough
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nicadilly · 2 years ago
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Edit: tfw when u create a fair amount of fanart for the author and commish a 40$ fic only to be mistreated and never get ur money back lol. Got a refund :) Wish the emotional anguish thing never happened but ill heal. They also gaslight on the reg so keep that in mind. if someone told me back in January 2022 i would become an amogus fan/simp for MEN i would laugh. YET HERE WE ARE.
Some of the main characters from @crinklytinfoil ‘s series that is currently causing severe brainrot. @krysmcscience is to blame bcs if it were not for their fanart i wouldnt know abt the fic oops... (also it is a dead dove fic so check it out at your own discretion!)
OH almost forgot about my obligatory “THIS IS NOT THE ARCANA???”
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triglycercule · 4 days ago
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duuude i never thought it would be this bad that i literally saw art of my trio. joking around and laughing and having fun. and not immediately smiling and being like yeah this is silly theyd do this. something is clearly wrong
#if the things that are supposed to make me happy dont make me happy then what the fuck do i do#this is not very nice of a joke to play on me brain i need to distract myself#i've been far too connected with reality for too long this past 2 weeks i need to disconnect and sink into the internet#i need to take in as much as i can before it all gets banned#i am so so so incredibly pessimistic and i do not believe that much will get better#but goddamn it it's not like i have anything else to do but live#things wont get better but death can't be that much of a salvation i'm sure#i've experienced enough satisfaction and happiness in my life to not want to end it#even when this seems impossible to get through and horrendous#i've seen a small glimspe of what freedom tasted like at least. at least i grew up with it#UN and biden if you can hear us do something pls..... pls....... a recount MIGHT do something but like. what could it really do#i really doubt a recount will do much. sure there was voter fraud and people's votes didn't get counted#but like. maybe 20 million people really just didn't show up. maybe they actually didn't do as well campaigning as we thought#it was either live in nazi germany or live a normal ass fucking life and nazi germany was chosen#but whatever i guess. not like anything i'll do to go against it will be listened to. just gotta pack up my stuff and get back to work#i miss the murder time trio#now would be a good time for them to fufill my wish of killing me i thinn#tricule rant
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dream-sans-mogai · 2 months ago
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Anyway, because I'm considered a bigger creator within the mogai community and I have a responsibility to address things given my bigger audience-
Please remember that Tumblr, especially LGBT Tumblr concerning discourse and intracommunity issues, is a hyper niche, reactive, violent, sensitive community with next to zero basis in reality at large and you should not take any of its opinions as absolute fact. Especially the mogai community's opinions.
A lot of people on mogai Tumblr talk big game with very clearly fake the-whole-bus-clapped stories about the real world concerning acceptance towards mspec monos, Neopronouns and Xenogenders and it's my job as an adult and guiding voice to remind people these experiences may happen but rarely do and you absolutely should not just tell random people you use purr/purrs pronouns or your a bi gaybian or you identify as Chronosian or other things like that because it's really fucking dangerous even in hyper progressive places like new york, cali and Detroit. It can be deadly in many many small towns, including ones in progressive states. Especially dangerous in non accepting states.
I don't say this to burst your bubble or ruin your hopeful world view but many stories of acceptance are fake, even if some are true, most of the community is underage and just cause your teacher may approve of your Soniccharic identity, doesn't mean they won't tell your transphobic parents. It's scary and dangerous out here for trans and gay people rn and I won't be one of the idiots who tell you to run and frolic with your Xenogender pins Infront of increasingly hostile transphobes. I want the younger gen z trans people to survive and I won't lie to you about the reality of the battle we all are staring down concerning project 2025.
Most of the people telling these stories live in progressive states and do not tell you about the failed times or exaggerate the acceptance they supposedly received. I'm telling you from the mouth of someone who grew up in a tiny town in South Ohio with less than 1,000 people, it's still just as dangerous as it was 10 years ago. I still get followed in my home town. I still get stares in my home town. My actual home town, a place I grew up in where people knew me as the gnc dyke for a good while in my last 2 years of school. Do not spread this shit around to everyone. Nex didn't think they would become a victim, Brianna didn't think she would be one of the unlucky ones, plenty of those we've lost did not think they would die in hate crimes. I almost died in two of the hate crimes I've experienced.
You need to be really fucking careful and although I love than Neopronouns and Xenogenders are becoming more accepted by the larger LGBT community, you need to be very very VERY careful about what you do, what you wear and who you tell what because word spreads fast in suburbia and hate spreads faster. You do not want to be wearing a pin the day some white cishet magat decides he's tired of the "pedophiles" and chooses you as the first victim because you were the first he saw. Don't hide who you are but Be. Fucking. Careful.
#clover speaks#im not being a doomist and i wont stand those allegations but some of yall telling these kids and teens the world is totes cool#with no-c paras and therians and bi lesbians have lost the plot and are gonna get these kids killed#especially considering i grew up very rural and none of the advice about presenting trans could possibly apply to me#thats why i say urban and even semi urban lgbt people should not be giving advice to rural lgbt people#nothing you say can apply to us because it is that dangerous#i still get followed as a fucking 23 yr old adult around my town#the one time an lgbt club tried to get established at my highschool the posters were ripped to shreds and there were both#bomb and shooting threats#people talking about setting the school on fire so they could quote pop the faggots one by one as they came running out#im so happy you live in a privileged Massachusetts school district with loving teachers who accept your system identity#please dont encourage the children in alabama and ohio to follow suit because you will get their naive asses killed#urban queer advice dosent apply to rural lgbt people#thats another thing ive seen be said by urban lgbt people that queer is no longer a slur used that way and has been totally reclaimed#great guess half my family and all my achool bullies were really just showing solidarity and i took it the wrong way#say youve never truely felt mortal danger in your small Christian home town cause your ex told pple your trans without saying it#like really#the privilege just jumps right out#that was the stupidest so and so is terf rhetoric to date and yall tme people just scarfed that shit down#ill never drop that veiw because i and many others can attest to it#surprise queer can be a slur an identity and a community all at the same time shocking ik#and if your offended because people are calling your identity a slur i ask whats dyke and faggor now#cause thoss were reclaimed waaaayyyyy before queer was and you still acknowledge their status as slurs#infact i remember seeing maps of slur usage on twitter from 2020 when that discourse was popular and queer#was the bigots favorite slur for us not dyke or faggot#i cant believe the brain rot on this site sometimes#itd be so funny as entertainment if yall werent using it to question and harass lgbt people with ptsd over it for litteral years#ik because i was one of the people harassed :)#i dont forget this shit so easily#sorry for the rant lol
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numetalkids · 5 months ago
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*inhales*.....................DEEP SIGH
#i'm exhausted#i have a job interview this week which i should be grateful for but i'm still so unsure about what i want in life#and i'm so scared of making wrong choices like i'm terrified#and the company seems kind of conservative in its structures and culture i mean apparently there are low hierarchies but#they make their whole deal about 'family' and then there are almost only men working there which is like ughhh like the ratio is ridiculous#and the thing is i found another job offer at my local library and i would just so love to work there!!!! i will definitely apply this week#i'm just scared that i'll do well enough during the interview that they will actually want ti hire me and then i can't say no#bc i didn't even expect them to reach out to me in the first place so i guess my application was better than i thought#so now im'm debating whether i should take the chance or sabotage the interview so that i get to try really hard for#the application for the library job instead#i sound ridiculous being upset that an employer is showing interest in me like what a privilege to be able to turn that down#at the same time. like thankfully there is financial support from the government so i'm safe in that regard atm but it's really not much#and i also don't want to be in this state of unemployment for too long#and yet...i want to just spend my days doing something worthwhile? maybe i should just be grateful that i have the privilege to choose betw#different jobs and try to take advantage of that fact and opt for the offers that speak to me rather than cry about it#god i'm so stressed this is my first time in life where i can't rest assured that the upcoming years will follow the same routine#like how it was when i entered uni like i just knew 'alright i'll be studying for at least 5 years and then we'll see' and now#it's like i don't know what i'll be doing next month or in half a year or next year or in five years#the uncertainty. killing me. that's how i know i grew up way too protected cause i break under the slightest inconvenience god#alright crying rant over from now on i'll be growing up for real 👍#personal
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can-of-w0rmz · 1 year ago
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Does anyone else have a weird irrational hatred of Bluey? Like I have to put it on for my younger siblings all the time, and I always see stuff online constantly that’s basically like “finally a kid’s show that isn’t bloody insufferable for everyone else in the room”, but like nine times out of ten I’ll usually leave the room immediately after putting it on because I do find it annoying as hell. I mean there’s nothing wrong with it or anything, it’s just a children’s show. Which I, at sixteen years old, generally unsurprisingly find annoying. What’s worse is that I have people I know my age who don’t have younger siblings or who don’t generally babysit at all who watch it on their own time??? I was so flabbergasted I genuinely sat down one 3am (insomnia what did I ever do to you) and tried to actually watch some of it and did NOT get it remotely. One of the biggest things I see constantly online is that it’s relatable??? But at least personally it definitely is not???
Alternative title: whole ass teenager complains about a popular children’s show that has absolutely and utterly no bearing on his life whatsoever if people enjoy it (seriously, do whatever you want I’m genuinely just confused what the appeal is)
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youregonnabeokay-kid · 7 months ago
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my ability to hate the 911 writers is fucking unmatched
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fingertipsmp3 · 11 months ago
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I wish all food service workers who are weird about regulars always ordering the same specific thing and tease them for it a very “please don’t do that”
#was just thinking about when i first started my exchange year & there were basically 2 eateries on campus#i mean one of them was a giant food court with a bunch of options like burgers; sandwiches; salad etc#the other one was just a basic diner. i really really liked the diner because the food arrived fast; it was super good#and it was really close to where i lived. so every time i went in i got a hot dog and fries. and i went there for dinner probably every day#it took maybe about 3 days for the girl at the counter to start recognising me; knowing i was going to get the same thing each time;#and screaming ‘hot dog and fries????!?!!’ at me every single time i entered the building. which; if you’re like me and grew up with a weigh#problem and body image issues; fucking HORRIFYING. like why are you announcing to the whole diner what i’m going to be eating#i kept trying to show up when she wasn’t on shift or ordering something different and then i eventually just stopped going there#i kept going to the cafeteria because i could fix my own plate and the lady who weighed your plate (you were charged based on that)#never commented. but the cafeteria food was SO bad#i ended up going to the burger bar to just get the premade chicken tender baskets but those started to gross me out after a while#so i ordered a custom burger this one time and the guy was looking at me kind of funny for my order (i wanted a grilled chicken burger#with no cheese and just lettuce; onion and mayo on it) and one time when i went in i saw/heard him notice me and immediately start telling#his coworker about how ‘weird’ my order was. like i’m sorry i’m bri’ish and therefore don’t have the american propensity for shoving#a ridiculous and unnecessary amount of ingredients into any given sandwich??? sorry that i hate tomatoes and the idea of chicken and cheese#together horrifies me. i guess.#sooooo i started going to the sandwich bar and they were lovely. i ordered pretty much the same thing every day and the girl acted like it#was brand new to her every day. she also spelled my name wrong in a new and different way every day. and always added a smiley face#one time she put so much tuna mayo in my sandwich that i had to go get a spoon to eat it with. i hope she’s well#i just… i don’t know where i was going with this rant. i just hate being teased about what i eat bro#like whenever i like a food it’s ALL i want to eat for the next three months and i know that’s boring and not healthy but i don’t care!!!#why do YOU care. i don’t care and it’s my fucking body#you can let me eat my hot dog and fries in peace without announcing it to the whole diner. that is something you canndo#personal#*i feel like someone is going to accuse me of criticising food service workers. hiiiiii i’ve been one :)
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aquietgirlsmess · 11 months ago
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"Really ? That's all you're gonna say to him ? You're a fucking pussy"
Oh shut it Mandy ! You're not helping with this sort of comment.
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