#self admitted info lol
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nicadilly · 2 years ago
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Edit: tfw when u create a fair amount of fanart for the author and commish a 40$ fic only to be mistreated and never get ur money back lol. Got a refund :) Wish the emotional anguish thing never happened but ill heal. They also gaslight on the reg so keep that in mind. if someone told me back in January 2022 i would become an amogus fan/simp for MEN i would laugh. YET HERE WE ARE.
Some of the main characters from @crinklytinfoil ‘s series that is currently causing severe brainrot. @krysmcscience is to blame bcs if it were not for their fanart i wouldnt know abt the fic oops... (also it is a dead dove fic so check it out at your own discretion!)
OH almost forgot about my obligatory “THIS IS NOT THE ARCANA???”
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pepprs · 2 years ago
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STILL wide awake! i did not put down my phone! and now im hungry. so i will not be sleeping tonight ♥️
#purrs#also… im gonna admit it. ive been up for hours cleaning out… my toyhouse accounts. not cleaning them out but cleaning them up. and im so#FUCKING mad at my 18 year old self for giving away characters that meant so much to me to 12 year olds on warriors amino who never finished#their half of the art trade… and now so many of them are like. completely out of my reach and i can never get them back. im trying to ask#for the characters ive been able to find and track them down. which for ppl who actually love and care for them im sure is predatory and#annoying bc it’s like ok you made that choice so live with it. but im so fucking mad at myself and i wish i could undo it. i know it doesn’t#matter bc i don’t do that kind of deviantart stuff anymore but like.. i gave away characters who were so special to me growing up and now so#many of them are like.. on locked / unauthorized toyhouses or deleted or the person already owns them and is never trading them and#imjust so SAD!!!!!! over pixels i know. PULLING AN ALL NIGHTER over pixels. but im so saddddd aughhhhh#delete later#(i also did clean out photos and do practice drivers tests btw. but ive mostly been doing toyhouse stuff)#also im so sad and angry charahub went down and i didn’t even know it and i can’t access my data at allll like so much precious info#on there is gone forever. pain and suffering. also it’s worth naming im not in this to like have the best most expensive whatever designs im#doing this bc i desperately want to salvage every piece of my childhood / adolescence and never let go of anything in my life ever and when#i was 18 i thought i could run away from deeply permanently hurting and betraying a friend by selling all of my characters starting w the#ones they made me and then branching off into baiscally all of them to not make it look like it was just abt them bc i couldn’t bear to be#reminded of what i had done. and now i live with the consequences. in more ways than just the characters obviously. so there’s that#(i had my reasons for doing what i had to do btw. but i will never stop feeling guilty about it or regretting how it must have felt for them#bc we were like best friends and then i turned cold and awful because i didn’t know how to communicate my needs so instead i just shut them#out and didn’t even have the decency to explain why. and it fucking sucked that i did that. lol)#* ​and still sucks. and i think abt it all the time and try not to talk about it for a lot of reasons but here i am so. lol
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pomefioredove · 7 months ago
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nightmares
summary: some chars I think would take care of a reader who has nightmares type of post: headcanons characters: riddle, leona, vil, lilia, silver, malleus additional info: reader is yuu, reader is gender neutral, this is self indulgent lol, platonic or romantic, not proofread, maybe a little ooc for a few ones
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𝐑𝐢𝐝𝐝𝐥𝐞 𝐑𝐨𝐬𝐞𝐡𝐞𝐚𝐫𝐭𝐬
he initially assumes you're just staying up to slack off
you are friends with Ace and Deuce, after all
it takes a good scolding from him before you sheepishly admit that you've been having nightmares and thus losing sleep
now, Riddle comes from a family of doctors. he's no psychiatrist, but surely he can find a way to help you sleep despite it, right?
he tries everything- chamomile tea, weighted blankets, he even turned a blind eye when Ace and Deuce "borrow" a sleeping potion from the lab
nothing works
of course, this drives him mad. it seems like such a simple problem, and yet your body resists everything
your grades are suffering, and even worse, you seem like a walking corpse
he takes it upon himself to find a solution no matter what
and, of course, you have nothing to lose, so you indulge him
nothing medical or magical helps
eventually, he picks up a big psychology book and gets to work on the last thing he can think of
suddenly you're having tea and "talk time" with him twice a week at 4 PM sharp
turns out he kinda likes playing therapist
and if you're late to an appointment, it's off with your head
now you're starting to regret being his guinea pig, as thankful as you are
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𝐋𝐞𝐨𝐧𝐚 𝐊𝐢𝐧𝐠𝐬𝐜𝐡𝐨𝐥𝐚𝐫
you can't what?
sleep?
you can't sleep?
he laughs right to your face, much to your annoyance
who can't sleep? it's easy!
you begrudgingly explain your nightmare problem and he finally shuts up (for once)
after a long silence, he grunts something about learning from the master
big surprise, all of his "master lessons" just mean he gets to use you as a body pillow while you watch
very helpful.
eventually, as much as you hate to admit it, it starts to help
having something soft and warm protectively wrapped around you is as comfortable as it gets
you start managing to sleep through the day undisturbed
then nights
Leona boasts to everyone about fixing their beloved prefect's problem, but even after you're well rested, he's still dragging you back to his favorite nap spots
turns out he doesn't mind the company so much, either
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𝐕𝐢𝐥 𝐒𝐜𝐡𝐨𝐞𝐧𝐡𝐞𝐢𝐭
"those eyebags are just dreadful, prefect,"
always perceptive and eternally critical
(AKA he's worried)
he knows right off the bat that something's up, but he doesn't press for answers until you come to him yourself
as tempted as he is to step in, he doesn't want to pressure you to share something you don't want to
he accepts your pleas for help (he's worried) simply because he doesn't want your performance to suffer (he's soooo worried)
he starts out through traditional means- teas, oils, setting your routine to perfection- and eventually starts brewing potions for you
only one per week, he doesn't want you to become reliant
and the side effects can be... a little disruptive
one morning you spontaneously collapse in his arms on the way to your first class
he has to drag you back to Ramshackle to rest, despite your insistence
eventually, he eases you into talking about the dreams
he's there to comfort you about them, someone to lean on (though just for you)
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𝐒𝐢𝐥𝐯𝐞𝐫
I mean... it's Silver
poor guy probably stumbled into one of your terrifying nightmares by accident
after that he started trying to subtly guide your dreams back to normal
when he gets to, of course
you're not even aware of it in your waking life, and he has no intentions of making his good deed known
it does give him the tiniest sense of accomplishment, though
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𝐌𝐚𝐥𝐥𝐞𝐮𝐬 𝐃𝐫𝐚𝐜𝐨𝐧𝐢𝐚
similarly to Silver, he's got a thing with sleep
his beloved prefect isn't sleeping well because of nightmares? he wants to help!
(please let him help)
he definitely won't let you refuse out of humility or embarrassment
he'll get you to rest and make sure all of your dreams are pleasant at no cost!
(AKA at the low, low cost of getting to see you so cute in your sleep. you're like a cat to him)
he will never not be fascinated by you
he's so pleased about being your unconscious protector; it makes him feel so wanted
his cute little child of man!
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𝐋𝐢𝐥𝐢𝐚 𝐕𝐚𝐧𝐫𝐨𝐮𝐠𝐞
Lilia is no stranger to bad dreams
he's lived a long time; he's seen some things
every once in a while he, too, wakes up covered in sweat and tears
he can't help but feel a sense of longing when you describe your situation
you poor little thing!
right away he offers to keep watch over you, as if guarding you from an unseen enemy force
he's up most of the time, anyway
watching you is no problem!
you think that sounds reasonable enough
by night two you wake up in the early morning with his arms around your waist and his face buried in the crook of your neck
little bastard is definitely stealing your body heat
you don't say anything, though- you haven't had a nightmare since
(and neither has he)
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brown-sugar-89 · 2 years ago
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WOAG all your art is really neat!! I love your take on sugary spire!! If you're still taking requests, could we see one of Pizzelles attempts to "Enlighten" Pizzano?
FLASHING COLORS WARNING!
I'm SO glad you asked! <x.] I've actually been making a short animatic related to this! Hope this works lol
I know it's rather cinematic than explanatory, so here's an extra info<3: Pizzelle/Noise gives off odd behavior and various hints (like questioning some of italian man's life aspects latter wasn't supposed to think too much about) perhaps trying to reach out for Pizzano's 'true self', rather than approaching him straightforwardly. Because, y'know, Pizzy might've be considered insane in this case. THOUGH I must admit the uneasy feeling of pretty much everything going off tracks DOES make Pizzano feel wrong and genuinely worried about Pizzelle!! and.. himself? 👀
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superscourge · 9 days ago
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Resurrected AU Ch. 1: Alliance
(read on AO3 here!) Warnings (for the fic in general, not necessarily this chapter): Graphic depictions of violence, strong language, general mature themes Chapter Summary: Scourge breaks into one of Eggman's bases in search of a secret weapon to defeat Sonic with, but what he ends up finding is much stranger and much scarier than he was expecting. Though…he finds a way to get some use out of it. Notes: it really took me like a thousand years to get this started huh. lol. well i wanted to at least get the first chapter out before the sonic au collision event fully started, so im happy to present the first chapter of resurrected au's fic!! god i hope yall like it LOLLL, this au means a whole lot to me.. it's become my favorite baby i wont lie. i will also admit that im a Little nervous to finally start posting my actual writing for sonic stuff; i'm pretty self-conscious abt it actually lmao. but hopefully yall end up enjoying how i write these guys. please be niceys idk how long it'll take me to dish out the rest of the chapters, but hopefully i can find the time and energy to get them out steadily!! thanks in advance for reading and thank u so much for ur support and enthusiasm <3
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It’s not every day that you get a juicy piece of info that could very well put the odds in your favor. That’s why Scourge was not gonna waste this opportunity.
He’d gotten word thanks to his incredible sleuthing skills [read: eavesdropping on strangers] that Eggman had a new base in the area and had apparently acquired a very powerful “secret weapon” of some sort. That was all he needed to know before deciding it was time to raid a base. After all, if he found that secret weapon? Sonic was toast.
It took a minute to actually find the damn place, but soon enough, Scourge was skidding to a stop at the treeline before what looked to be a large, dome-shaped structure with the patented Eggman symbol on it (or something that looked like it; Scourge figured it was close enough). He smirked, flipping his shades down over his eyes and speeding off towards the entrance.
As expected, badniks littered the area around the main entrance to the base. They looked a little funny, Scourge noted; they seemed a little more…high-tech than he was used to seeing. But, whatever–he figured it wouldn’t be an issue once they were busted to scraps.
… He did have a little trouble with these bots. Just a little. But it was no biggie, since he ended up finding a way inside before he could be overwhelmed. All’s well that ends well, he supposed.
The inside of this place was…confusing. So many twists and turns, rooms that led into other rooms, platforms that moved in weird directions…
“Doesn’t this place have a map?” Scourge grumbled to himself as he ran through the absolute maze of hallways.
After what seemed like forever, he finally came to what was clearly the main, central chamber of the base. There was a very complicated-looking keypad attached to it. Luckily, Scourge was very good at lockpicking.
Stepping back a bit, he hopped up and curled into a spindash before launching himself at the keypad. It took a bit of work, but before long, the whole thing was smashed to bits with sparks flying everywhere. Just as he’d hoped, the door opened once the keypad was destroyed. With a triumphant snicker, he unfurled and landed back on the floor before confidently waltzing into the chamber.
Inside looked pretty much as he expected it to–tubes and gadgets everywhere, lots of high-tech machinery that did Gaia-knows-what, lots of papers littered about several desks that clearly showed the work of an evil mastermind…
Yeah. Deffo an Egg-base.
“Now, where’s that weapon…” Scourge questioned aloud as he strolled through the room. He pulled out some drawers and rummaged around here and there, but he didn’t really find anything interesting so far. Surely this thing wasn’t hidden that well, right?
Just as he was starting to get frustrated, he came across a huge capsule of some kind right in the middle of the room. Pretty obvious, actually. He wasn’t that observant, but whatever. He raised his shades to where they were resting back in their place on his head before he rubbed his hands together with a huge, toothy grin. “That looks promising.”
Making his way to the door of the capsule, he tried to peek inside through the little window on the front of it. He couldn’t make anything out… He decided to just open it to get a look at what was inside, so he searched around for a switch of some kind that would do that for him. It didn’t take long, thankfully, and he quickly pressed the button down that would activate the door.
Smoke spewed out from the door as it opened, making Scourge cough a bit. He waved his hand to clear some of it out of his way as he impatiently waited for it to dissipate enough for him to see what he was in for.
This had to be some sort of cool gun. He knew it was. Some kinda laser shooter or something. Or maybe a bazooka. Oh–a cannon, even! He dearly hoped it was a cannon, actually. The smoke was almost fully cleared, so he leaned in excitedly to see what was inside…!
… It was…a guy. There was a guy in there.
“What the–?” Scourge furrowed his brow once he got a good look at the contents of the capsule. It was obviously a person–a jackal, it looked like? Definitely not a cannon. Who the hell was this? He looked rough, like he’d really been put through the wringer. His drip was cool, Scourge supposed, and the big, gnarly scar on the guy’s chest was pretty intimidating…
Mine’s still cooler, he thought to himself.
Suddenly, alarms sounded throughout the base. Scourge cursed under his breath as he looked over his shoulder. He turned back to the man in the capsule, making a quick decision–he’d snag him and take him with him. He probably had some idea of where the weapon was, so once he woke up, he’d just beat the information out of him if he wouldn’t give it up willingly.
Grabbing the jackal out of the capsule and slinging him over his shoulder, Scourge finally sped out back through the way he came. He was able to dodge any bots that tried to come after him thanks to his speed, and soon enough, he was outside and running through the trees of Mobius once again.
He ran until forest turned to jungle, and before long he was slowing to a stop once again in a small clearing where bits of light showed through the canopy up above. He rested the other man’s body down on a bed of moss near a small pond, figuring that���d be…somewhat comfortable, and he then took a seat on a fallen tree a few feet away.
It was only a matter of seconds before he began to tap his foot. What was he supposed to do now? Just sit there waiting for this guy to wake up? That could take hours… He didn’t have that kind of patience.
Deciding to take the initiative, Scourge stood and started walking over to the jackal, intending to just…lightly kick him until he woke up, or something. However, he didn’t get the chance.
A low, threatening growl could be heard rumbling from the stranger’s throat. Scourge stopped in his tracks once he heard it, then took a few paces back. How long had he been–?
One yellow eye opened to a squint, scanning the area before landing on Scourge. For some reason, the look the man was giving him made his skin crawl… Not that he was going to let him know that, though.
Instead, Scourge popped the collar of his jacket to regain his composure and puffed out his chest. “Took ya long enough,” he teased right off the bat. “I was startin’ to think you were dead.”
The jackal’s gaze lingered on him coldly for a few moments. However, he looked elsewhere when he began to speak. “... I should have been.”
That…wasn’t the response Scourge was expecting. The way he sank a bit betrayed his confusion. “... Wait, what?”
The man sat up, sort of startling Scourge into taking another step back. As he did so, he fully opened both of his eyes so that he could properly take in his surroundings. He was clearly ignoring the hedgehog beside him as he turned his head away, which didn’t really sit right with Scourge.
“Hey!” he barked. “I’m talkin’ to you!”
Giving no indication that he was listening, the man proceeded to rise to his feet, standing at his full height. Scourge sort of…shrank a little once he saw how actually tall this guy was. He knew jackals were generally bigger than hedgehogs, but this guy…
No, no, it was fine. No need to be afraid. He was still in charge here–this guy just didn’t know it!
With an annoyed sneer, Scourge dared to stomp a little closer. “Listen here, pal. If it weren’t for me, you woulda still been stuck in that base. I went outta my way to rescue you, got it? That means you owe me one. So, I’m gonna tell you how this is gonna go down, and you’re gonna–hrk!”
A clawed hand suddenly gripping his neck caused Scourge’s words to get caught in his throat… At least, that was part of it.
The jackal had snapped his head around to glare murderously at him as he grabbed him, which gave Scourge a very clear view of his face. He could see his one piercing yellow eye staring back at him…and he quickly noticed that the other eye had some kind of rock lodged into its socket. It was an eerie sight, and it definitely sent an intense chill up Scourge’s spine.
“You,” spat the jackal, voice deep and commanding, “do not control me.”
Unable to respond, Scourge just kind of…dangled there, hands gripping the other’s wrist as he kicked his legs a little. The expression he wore was enough of a response, though, so he was released after a moment of struggle. Once he was able to breathe and stand on his own again, he gasped for air and rubbed at his throat with an indignant look.
“What the hell?” he managed to say between coughs. “Who do you think you are, grabbin’ me like that?”
Turning away, the taller man didn’t bother to look at him as he replied. “I am Infinite,” he answered simply.
There was a pause as Scourge seemed to wait for him to say something else. When he didn’t, he furrowed his brow a little. “... Like, that’s your name, or…?”
The man–Infinite, apparently–seemed to hesitate, as if he was surprised that Scourge didn’t recognize him. One of his ears flicked.
“... I suppose enough time has passed that my name is no longer common knowledge,” he mused, half to himself. “Pity. I would have liked to think I made a bigger impact than that.”
Scourge watched as Infinite turned to fully face him again, making him subconsciously take a couple steps back. Man, this guy was kinda scary… Not that he couldn’t take him! He was just giving him the creeps, was all… Cyan eyes flicked to Infinite’s hands as he flexed his fingers.
“I will simply have to remind the world what true fear feels like,” he growled lowly, “and I suppose that starts with you.”
The rock embedded in Infinite’s eye began to glow as he summoned its power, and, to Scourge’s bewilderment, he began to lift off the ground and hover there. It was kind of scary, actually. The guy was floating. What the hell?
Then it hit him. The weapon Eggman had been hoarding wasn’t a gun or a cannon or anything like that. It was Infinite. He obviously held some sort of power that Eggman wanted to weaponize, and that must have been why he’d been locked up in that base… Things started clicking.
Despite Scourge expecting him to do… anything, really…Infinite proceeded to seize up in pain and let out an agonized yell. He suddenly collapsed to the ground, falling to his knees as he held himself up with one hand and gripped his head with the other. “W… What…?!” 
Infinite’s hand moved from his head to his chest where the large scar marked him. When he felt nothing but the scar, he had a look of both anger and confusion on his face, which told Scourge that what just happened clearly wasn’t the plan.
… Interesting.
Scourge stood a little straighter once he was confident that this guy wasn’t about to explode or something, sticking his thumbs into his jacket pockets. “Aaaalright, Criss Angel. If you’re done with all that , I think it’s time we get down to business.”
While Infinite knelt there still trying to figure out what was going on, Scourge began to pace around him in a circle, smirking as he did so. “Look. Like I said before, I rescued you from that base, so you kinda owe me one. But–and hear me out on this one–I’m willin’ to come to a compromise.”
Infinite snapped out of his pained daze long enough to shoot another glare at Scourge as he came around to his front again. “Compromise?” he hissed.
Scourge nodded. “Yeah. So, listen–I didn’t get to introduce myself earlier.” He held up a thumb and pointed it at his own chest, teeth bared in some kind of nasty grin. “Name’s Scourge. If ya haven’t hearda me by now, then you’ve been livin’ under a rock.”
Infinite somehow doubted that this brat had left enough of a mark on the world that anybody off the street would know his name. Still, he let him continue.
“I wanna take out Sonic. I assume you know him, right? Well, I think you’re just the guy who can help me out with that. He’s gotten lucky so far, but I think with you backin’ me up, I’ll be able to finally give ‘em his just desserts.”
The name Sonic caused a spark of recognition to flash over Infinite’s good eye. His breathing began to steady. “... Sonic,” he repeated. “Yes, I am familiar with Sonic .”
The way Infinite said his name let Scourge know that there was some beef there, at least. This worked in his favor. “Good,” he said with a nod. “So we’re on the same page, then.”
He turned on his heel before stopping his walk, facing Infinite to speak to him directly. “Like I said, I want you to help me take him down. Easy, right? In exchange, though… I’ll help you out with whatever you want, too. I dunno if you knew this, but I’m basically just as strong and just as fast as that blue bastard. I could give anybody a run for their money if I felt like it.”
Narrowing his eye skeptically, Infinite mulled this over. He seemed to be recovering from the shock from before, and he stood back up onto his feet. It was evident from how long he took to respond that his mind was…elsewhere.
“... I see.” His tail swished behind him as he thought about his next words. “You are offering to aid me in whatever task I ask of you?”
“Cross my heart.”
Infinite gave a huff before crossing his arms. “... Fine. If you intend to uphold your end of this bargain, then I will do the same.”
Scourge smiled widely, his sharklike teeth almost glistening in what little sunlight was managing to poke through the canopy above them. This idiot. He had no idea that he had every intention of double-crossing him the first chance he got.
He held out his hand for a shake to seal the deal. “Glad to have ya aboard, Infinite.”
Infinite glanced down at the other’s hand before reaching forward and taking it, giving it a single shake. His grip was tight. “Let us make the most out of this partnership, shall we?”
… Infinite was not stupid. He instantly knew that Scourge was going to betray him. That overconfident fool was so transparent it almost made him sick.
But…he could also tell that he had some bite to his bark, even if it was just a little. He was seasoned enough as a soldier that he could see that. That meant he could get some use out of him before he pulled his own betrayal.
He no longer had the Phantom Ruby in his chest, and he was alive, and he had no idea why. If this green idiot could help him figure that out…then he’d play along for as long as he had to.
Either way, he was going to get answers. And once that was done? He was going to rip out Sonic’s miserable little throat.
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hwavsg4ch4n · 8 months ago
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Awkward|| L.M
Note: hi guys, this is actually a music series (more info linked) bonus. I usually write multiple versions of a smut per song and choose which one fits the vibe the most. this one was actually supposed to be for SYNERGY (linked), but I reworked it and made it better for "Awkward". I haven't been here for a while and decided that I'm the kind of writer that likes to pop in randomly lol. I'm thinking about turning this into a mini-series separate from the music series. After you read this, please follow the link at the end and vote on the pole if you think this would be a good mini-series! ps. word count of 4,783... get a snack.
Disclaimer: I have decided not to no longer put any tags in my works to avoid unneeded spoilers. I will only warn when there are extremely triggering aspects in my work. Read at your own discretion.
Synopsis: You've been single for years, it's sad really. coming up with excuse after excuse as to why you should be okay. Then society introduced the appearance of 'soulmates', and somehow everything got worse. But then there's your boss, what should you do with him...
this is a mature work of fiction (18+), this does not represent any real-life figures, this is just for entertainment.
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Music series bonus <masterlist>
You tilted your head back, gulping down the rich red wine as the brisk night air glided across your naked arms.
What was love? It was stupid, at least that’s what you always told yourself. Love is dumb, for the weak; and you weren’t weak. You wished you believed your thoughts, but you couldn’t help but crave love. What it felt like, sounded like, what it smelled like, what it tasted like. 
Jealousy was a disease and you hated to admit that you were practically hospitalized and in a coma from said disease. 
However, solidarity was alright sometimes. It was rewarding, no arguments, no having to worry what your partner was up to if they were taking care of themselves properly. You only had to worry about yourself… is it bad that was your biggest con to single life? Only having to worry about yourself.
You told yourself this for years. That was until early last year, when the CDC came out with a new phenomenon. They called it, soulmates. You thought it was corny. You watched as scientists explained the symptoms, and how it starts. How it feels, how you can differentiate your feelings blah blah blah, it was bullshit in your eyes. But not many felt the same. 
The day after the news of soulmates reached the public, your office became littered with pairings. Mia from accounting and Felix in your branding apartment paired up instantly. Everyone saw that one coming. They were frauds, had to be, the CDC said their research is still new, meaning they’ll need long-term volunteers that they’ll compensate. That's when fake soulmates started appearing. You called bullshit when the news stated authentic soulmates are now being deemed rare. The CDC just wanted to cover its tracks, hiding another economic decline. Soulmates weren’t real.
Your loneliness grew worse because of your slight rebellion. You didn’t put yourself out there, scared someone would falsely claim you as a soulmate. It’s nights like this where you want to let yourself fall in line. Here you are, alone at the Valentine’s Day company party for another year, this time due to self-sabotage. You already hated this holiday, but of course, science had to make it worse. On the balcony sipping expensive wine your boss bought for everyone, you tried your best to drown out the jazz music and giggles as coworkers showed off their engagement rings.
Minho watched you through the glass door of the balcony with hesitancy. He tuned out the conversation he was dragged into. “Mr. Lee, what are your opinions on soulmates.” He looked at the second department secretary, taking in her inquiry, “I’m not quite sure.” He was telling the truth, he didn’t think much of it, if it was true great, if it wasn’t, it didn’t really affect him in any way, probably just another pity thing. The marriage statistic was getting low, he read it in a paper. Minho took one more sip from his whiskey glass before setting it down and excusing himself.
Everyone in the office knew that Minho, the COO of this company, took a liking to you; everyone was jealous in fact. The kind, extroverted, unmarried, painfully attractive man… liked you. The seemingly cold, work-a-holic, introvert of a woman. He’s liked you since before the news came forth with their studies, yet you were oblivious. Your self-esteem is so low that you wouldn’t dare to even think a man like Minho would see you in such a way, not when people are trying to claim the bachelor every day. 
You looked over your shoulder as the balcony door opened. You smiled politely, “Mr. Lee, how are you?” You asked gently. He couldn’t help but smile at the sound of your voice, not even trying to hide the shivers that trailed down his spine at your tempt voice. “I’m doing well, but I couldn’t help but feel bothered when I saw you out here alone. Are you not cold, Ms. L/n?” You watched as he made his way next to you, leaning against the metal railing. He gazed at the city skyline, awaiting your answer.
You took another sip of wine. “It’s a bit chilly, but I can manage.” Short and simple, polite. That’s all Minho got from you. He's never wanted a person to rant to him for hours so badly, but that would be seen as unprofessional. He clears his throat, standing up straight. “Are you not having fun?” He asked. Maybe it was the wine that compelled you to answer him differently than you normally would. “To be honest, Mr. Lee,” He raised his brows, turning to you fully. “What is it?” You let yourself answer. “I don’t really favor office parties.” You chuckled before downing the last bit of your wine.
Minho frowned before biting his lip. “I hope it’s okay that I call you by your name,” He started, “Sure.” He gulped dryly before giving you an offer. “Would you like to get out of here, y/n?” You finally faced him, brows furrowed as your eyes lingered across his figure, taking him in.
White button-up, sleeves rolled to his elbows, black slacks, dark auburn hair fallen into his eyes, the eyes that were surveying you softly. It would be strange, to ride off into the night with your boss on the night the company is rumored to rename the festive party ‘soulmates night'. But you’ve had about 3 full glasses of wine, and you’re bored plus inquisitive.
“Where would we be going?”, he smiles.
After bidding an awkward goodbye to your coworkers, and avoiding questioning looks about the two of you leaving together; you finally made it to Minho’s car.  
“Wanna catch a late movie?” Your head tilted in question, he drove out of the parking lot the humming of the engine fills the silence. Smirking to yourself in disbelief, you agreed. 
The ride was filled with conversation, the longest non-work related conversation you’ve had with this man. He spoke of everything you didn’t think he’d speak of. How he missed home, how living in a bustling city was fun, but the sound of waves beat the sound of honking horns. You couldn’t help but ask him questions, you didn’t care if they were the right questions. You were comfortable, too comfortable. Was it the wine you downed? Maybe the grand looking air freshener in his car. It hurts your pride to admit that it might just be him. He smelled nice and spoke to you gently in that voice he would use to remind you of your lunch hour. 
You took in a breath as his hands on the steering wheel came into view, “Oh sweet jesus”. You pressed yourself into the black leather seat. It’s the wine, it has to be the wine. Minho turned to you as he finished parking, “You ready?” 
-
No one was there in the theater, no one but the two of you. You couldn’t focus on the movie, all you could focus on was how you were alone with Minho, completely alone with him. 
You were zoned out until you were pulled back to reality. “Are you enjoying the movie?” He whispered, not looking in your direction, his eyes glued to the projected screen. You couldn’t help but ask bluntly, “What are we doing?” 
Minho looked at you, you felt his gaze so you looked back. “Mr. Lee, it’s soulmates night.” He frowned, chewing on his popcorn. His heartbeat quickened, were you implying something?
 It was dark, but you could see him like there was the light of a halo above him. “What do you wish we were doing, Y/n?” Why did he ask you that? Why did he ask like he wanted to fulfill a wish?
You looked away, parted lips and furrowed eyebrows. He couldn’t see your face properly, he took your silence as rejection, and maybe he read you wrong. “I don’t mean to upset you, I apologize. Let’s finish the movie, then I’ll take you home?” You didn’t want to finish the movie, you weren’t even watching the boring movie.
Your heart was pounding, was this what proper desire felt like? It felt different from your crush on the Grey’s Anatomy guy. Was this what being wanted felt like? But he’s your boss… You felt a surge of warmth, a shallow buzzing feeling accumulated in your fingertips, must be excitement. Your conscious almost coming alive, fuck it, give in. You did just that.
Biting your lip you breathed in deep, “I don’t want to continue the movie.” You stated in a whisper. You couldn’t see it clearly, but Minho grew worried, worried he scared you off completely.
“Oh- would you like to, would you like for me to take you home now, Miss. L/n?” He didn’t want to use your first name, afraid of abusing his power. It made you flinch, “I thought you said… you were gonna use my name from now on?” You whispered. Finding his eyes in the slim light provided by the screen.
He licked his lips, although it was out of his nervousness, the action made you gulp. “My apologies, Y/n.” you weren’t aware of it yet, but you held all the power at this given moment. He’d do anything you told him to with no question.
“I do want to get out of here, but I don’t want to go home Mr. Lee.” You said, standing up, and grabbing your purse. Minho stood up as well, eyes never leaving your form as he studied you for unspoken answers.
“I would like to see where my boss lives, I’ve always been curious.” your lashes fluttering, as you peered up at him with a quick pulse and sweaty palms. What if you read him wrong, what if he dismissed you and fired you on the spot? What if this whole ordeal was just because he pitied you for being single for every Valentine’s Day party?
“Well, I should let you overcome your curiosity, shouldn’t I Y/n?” He said with amusement. “After you.” He moved out of the way, letting you lead the way out of the theater.
You continuously asked yourself what you were doing on the drive to his house. Well, you knew what you were doing. You were lonely, and tired of it, taking up a messy offer that could end up in you getting scammed by this man. You’ll apologize in the mirror later. Hitting rock bottom was something you would worry about tomorrow. Your hazy mind only lets you think about his veiny hand gripping the gear shift.
What would happen if you took it upon yourself to place him where you wanted him? 
Working up the courage, you sucked in a breath before allowing your fingers to trace his cufflinks, trailing your fingers around his wrist. His fastened pulse boosted your ego, looking to see his reaction. Minho remained focused on the road, with no intention of stopping you as he blinked and took more deep breaths than a calm human would.
You couldn’t help but lick your lips as you brought his hand to the warm flesh of your warm thigh, just under the hem of your black tweed skirt. Your blood pumped at the thought of how he’s letting you have your way. He wanted this too, to touch you. His hand was warm, and comforting. You liked how pretty it was on your skin, admiring the visual as your nails traced his veins.
Minho didn’t mean to squeeze, he did it subconsciously. He didn’t realize he did it until you gasped shallowly, clenching your thighs around his hand and looking up at him with the lowest gaze he’s ever seen from you.
“Sorry.” He muttered, rubbing his hand along the inside of your thigh in an attempt to soothe, not wanting to get you too worked up just yet. But his touch had the opposite effect. You didn’t want to wait anymore. It was known that Minho’s house was in the rich part of the city, all the way across town. Even Though it was a mere 30 minute drive, the distance felt like an eternity. 
“Minho,” Minho gulped dryly. Your deep tone sent shock waves through his body, he enjoyed how his name dripped off your tongue. “Yes, Y/n?” His voice remained steady, not wanting to ruin something that could get so good. “I want you to pull into the park, I wanna watch the sky with you.” You whispered. Minho’s heart grew soft as you continued to trance his veins. He nodded silently, ready to take every command you asked of him.
You watched as he parked, the view of the city was beautiful, but that wasn’t your focus as of now. 
There was a silence, loud, swallowing the city sounds in the distance. Your body shifted, rotating towards him. Minho turned to you, his grip on your thigh tightening slightly as he took in the view of you. “Kiss me,” Yes you were being blunt, and bold, but you didn’t care. Who cares?
You grinned as Minho pulled you on his lap, his strength not surprising you; considering how his arms looked way too confined in every dress shirt he owned. Your eyes shut as his lips collide with yours. Soft, buttery, warm, so so warm, and buzzing… your lips were buzzing. The feeling of him was clouding your judgment. Minho’s hands gripped your waist, pulling you closer. He tilted his head, kissing you deeper. Pulling back slightly, he watched as you followed him. Minho smiled, softly chuckling. You opened your heavy lids, growing shy to see his gaze. Your lips parted as he pushed you even closer, rubbing against the growing tent in his slacks, you jolted as your core began to buzz as well. Your lips molded with his once more, and the sounds of what you presumed to be fireworks sounded in the distance.
 His breathing was heavy as you disconnected to catch your breath. Minho’s hands tilted your head to the side slightly, breathing you in softly, lips grazing your skin as you shuttered, your fingers gripping his sleeve. He licked his lips before kissing your collarbone, traveling up your neck, absorbing every gasp you let out. 
You feel his hand slide to the back of your head, angling your face down so his eyes can meet yours as he lays his forehead on yours. “You have no idea how long I’ve wanted you, y/n.” Your heart panged, searching his eyes for truth. He wanted you, Minho, your boss, wanted you. 
Your hands traced his bottom lip, and you blinked softly, “Take care of me then, yeah?” You whispered. He smiled gently, gripping your jaw and pulling you back. 
The both of you suck in a breath as Minho presses his lips to yours once more, his hand pushing your head impossibly closer. He wanted to feel you, meet with you in ways he’d only imagined. You were letting him give you what he thought was impossible for him. Truthfully, he would’ve liked to ask you out on a proper date. But this would suffice if it was what you wanted from him.
The two of you kissed for a while, gradually feeling and touching each other. Feeling what was never seen. Your body grew warmer, the buzzing centered to your stomach as you bunched up his shirt, wanting to feel his skin bare against yours. “Minho,” It didn’t mean to sound like a plea, “What is it? What do you want me to do?” His voice was breathy, low, needy, and ready to please. You couldn’t get enough. “Off.” You tugged at his collar. Barely even a second later, he began to unbutton his shirt. You wasted no time placing your hands on his sculpted chest once exposed, gulping as you stared at his skin. Absentmindedly gliding your manicured fingers across him.
Minho watched your every move, whimpering as your fingertips flicked his nipples. Your nails left gentle scratches, he licked his lips at the sight. He can’t recall ever wanting someone so badly, to the point he was painfully hard, closing his eyes and throwing his head back at the slightest touches you granted him. 
You wanted his reaction intensively, feeling his twitching member under you as you pinched and rubbed his nipples. His chest rose and fell at a somewhat hurried pace, the tips of his ears grew red, and so did his lips as he couldn’t stop licking and biting at them. It’s not like the action helped keep him quiet. His heavy breathing began to get mixed in with soft whimpers.
You smiled, “Who knew you’d be so sensitive.” You mumbled. “Sorry… uhm. I’m not usually like this.” You grinned at his hushed awkwardness. “Trust me, I don’t mind.” You whispered back, your hands continued tracing the outline of him. One by one you left open kisses on his neck, traveling up behind his ear. You sucked at his warm skin, “I hope the secretary doesn’t see what I’m leaving on you Mr. Lee, I think she might have a crush on you.” You said playfully, smiling against his clammy skin, sucking another bruise. Minho’s hands travel to the bottom of your skirt in response, pulling the fabric to bunch at your waist. He squeezes at your thighs as you find the spot that meets his shoulder and neck, his breath shallows. His hips bucking as you suck and nip at the skin. You were hot to the touch, it heightened the feeling of you on him. 
Minho isn’t sure how you got the one up on him, but he lets your hands wander to the buckle of his belt. He looks up at your face, your eyes full of determination as you swiftly take off his belt, unbuttoning his pants. He can’t help but smirk as he feels heat center in his stomach, “You’ve got me right where you want me y/n,” Your movements slow as you start to push his pants down to his ankles, “You’re the only one who’s ever gotten me like this.” Minho watches you bite your lip as he feeds into your ego. His eyes shoot down as you grasp his erection through his boxers. “Haven’t been this hard in so,” his voice shakes as your grip tightens “So long, fuck baby.” Your lips part at his words, looking up to see his head thrown back at the seat. You tap at his tip, the fabric starting to stick to his precum as you admire the bites you left on his skin. 
“Minho,” You call out softly, he opens his eyes to see you staring at his member. The look in your eyes almost makes him ask if you want him to take over. Your eyes were glazed over, your lips pouty as you tug at his boxers, he smirks slightly. “I’ll get these out your way, sorry baby.” Your pussy clenched around nothing at the use of the pet name again, it feels so good to be called that, the buzzing shoots to your core before centering again. It almost felt like a boost of arousal, you were too enraptured by the man in front of you to care.
Your hands returned to his stiffened member as soon as it sprang free, you felt Minho tense at your touch. You looked up at him as you began to stroke him lightly. His eyes were hooded, he watched your hand quickly become slick with his arousal as you pumped at a careful pace. Minho licked his lips, noticing through his foggy mind how you still remained fully dressed. Your thighs only exposed because he decided to tease just once. Yes, his words earlier were to edge on your performance, but they were true. Minho has never been on the receiving end, he loved giving, if you told him to take over he’d do it gladly. More importantly, his need to please was strong, if pleasing you meant stepping back a bit he’s happy too. However, he didn’t anticipate his sensitivity to your touch. He hears himself whimper as your pumping speeds up, the rising heat traveling down to his member. He jolts as the pleasure intensifies. A hand hovers over your pumping one before holding himself back and placing it back on your thigh.
He’s starting to lose a battle, don’t cum, not yet, she’ll get bored soon and touch you somewhere else, don’t fucking cum. He chanted to himself, one of his hands moved to your ass, gripping as his other kept shelter on your thigh. You watched as he shut his eyes tight, his lips parting as he huffed out puffs of air. You smiled in triumph as he began to shake his head side to side, starting to lose his internal war, “B-baby… y/n, I’m gonna c-cum baby,” His voice was hoarse.
You tilted your head, sliding your pumping up to only his tip. His thighs jolted, his eyes opening as he started to look at you for pity. He only saw you looking at his dick dreamily, the heat in his stomach pulses. He swallows down his need to overcome you, opting to let himself relax.
Minho cursed, he groaned deeply, throwing his head back. His brain started to become unmanageably fuzzy. 
“Y/n.” He whispered, licking his lips.
His smooth thighs flexed.“You’re so good baby,” Your lips parted at his soft whimper.
You grin, slowing down your pumping, giggling as he whimpered trying to fuck your palm the heat causing his tip to pulse. “You like me huh, Minho?” Your words were teasing. You were met with an eager nod. Cooing, you slipped off your underwear. You looked into his brown eyes, just when you thought he let himself surrender fully, he had some fight left in him. 
He gripped your waist, biting his lip as he guided you over his throbbing member. You let him sink you down onto his warmth. You whimpered, Minho watched carefully, looking for signs of you needing him to take over. Only for him to get knocked down again, his brows furrowed as you brace a hand on his blushed chest, beginning to ride him. He stared at your clothed chest, your nipples hard enough for the outline to push past your bra and blouse. With heavy breaths his eyes traveled up your littered neck, finally landing on your blissed face. “Pretty,” He whispered, so soft you barely acknowledged it. His brain was swirling with only the image of you, the smell of you reminding him of a warm cabin.
You looked down at him, giggling at his starry eyes and beads of sweat, you were unaware of the state his mind was in. You were enthralled by the thought of him being so pliant. Never in a million years did you think your boss would be under you with a flushed face and a throbbing dick. You feel his dick pulse as he squeezes his eyes shut. Your hands make their way to his jaw, “Are you holding your cum from me, Mr. Lee?” His member throbs again. Your voice and playful words have him shaking his head, gripping your ass so hard you're sure there will be a mark, it stirs you on. “Want you to... To cu-cum first.” He whispered. Your walls flutter and tighten around him, Minho’s eyes snap open, lifting you off him, and you forget about his strength for just a moment.
You peered down to see his jumping member and quivering thighs, precum leaking and he tried to catch his breath. You didn’t let him, you swatted his hold away, ignoring his groan as you seethed him back into your warm hole. “Ah, fuck I can’t hold it, baby.” He rasped out, listening to how wet you were. You didn’t answer him, tuning out his winning, starting to chase your own high that's been building up while watching him. The buzzing started to spread. You gripped his shoulders, pushing yourself closer to him. Minho’s hand placed itself on your sweaty back, bracing himself. His other hand slid down to your thigh, grazing where he was buried into you. His grip tightened, spreading your slick puffy lips slightly. “Min, that's so good.” You whimpered. He hummed, burying his head into your neck. He shifted, widening his legs the best he could, and started to meet your thrusts. 
Your mouth formed an O, tears forming in your eyes as he hit the gummy spot you never reached on your own. Before you knew it your body began to go numb from the pleasure, the buzzing reached every inch of you in what felt like a millisecond. Minho felt your muscles detense, he whimpered as he wrapped his arms around your waist. He chuckled tiredly at the sound of your babbling. You finally needed him, you were close and god knows he is too. He fucked into you like you’ve unlocked a different part of him. 
“Gonna c-cum min.” You whimpered, “I know baby, I Know.” He pressed a kiss to your shoulder, feeling his self control finally coming to an end. He grunts, taking a hand and reaching between your radiating bodies. You moan so loud you're sure any late night hikers would be able to hear you. Your thighs shake as if it feels you’re physically experiencing the color red, the buzzing now being heard in your ears, distracting you from your release covering his thighs as yours shake. Minho grunts before he bites down on your shoulder, seeing sparks of deep green as he squeezes his eyes shut, spilling himself into you as he starts to hear crackles of fire. 
When you close your eyes you're met with the visions of the man that’s under you. Images of his life, his milestones,  you feel what he felt all in the blink of an eye. The images seize, and you’re yanked out of the dreamy state, catching your breath. You gulp, slowly facing him. His eyes meet yours, “Did you see that?” he whispered. You nodded, your fingertips still buzzing. “I-is this that soulmate thing?” his voice slightly above a murmur. Your body tensed, “What?” He looked into your eyes, he could almost feel your fear, “U-uh nothing.” He lifted you off him gently, ignoring what the sight of his release dripping from you did to him. Minho watched as you straightened yourself out in the passenger seat of his car. His eyes glanced at the foggy windows before returning to your now tense form.
Were you his… soulmate? He thought it was just a speculation that scientists made up to give the single population hope. He cleared his throat, putting his softening member back into his boxers, and lifting his pants up. “I’ll, uhm… I’ll drive you home.” Minho licks his lips nervously as he puts on his wrinkled button down. He looked at the time on his watch, 12:57am. He moves to turn on the engine. 
“You believe them?” Minho glanced your way, taking in your question. “Do you believe what they say on the news?” He blinked, thinking of a proper answer as he started to drive out of the parking lot. “I mean,” He turned to enter the freeway. “If it’s on the news, there has to be some truth.” You took in his words, rolling down the window. “Y/n, the… symptoms that they described, that’s what just happened.” You frowned, looking out the window taking in his words. “I saw you, your middle school graduation,” you glower at him, his eyes were on the road, only glancing at you briefly. “I saw your first, and only relationship…” He paused, seeing your hands clasp together nervously out of the corner of his eye. He changed the topic, “When I… finished, I saw green, a forest green. And I heard fire, like a campfire.” 
You gazed at his side profile. Without a word, you looked forward. You gave him the directions to your apartment.
As he pulled into your driveway, you grabbed your purse putting it on your shoulder. Minho said nothing when you opened the door as soon as he came to a stop, not even giving him a chance to put the car in park. You stepped out, your heels clacking on the pavement. You took in a deep breath before bending down, coming into his view again. You looked at his longing eyes, waiting for you to say anything to grant him peace of mind. “I’ll see you on Monday Mr. Lee.” With that, you closed his door. Gulping down anxiety as you steadily walk to the entrance of your apartment.
-
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doberbutts · 5 months ago
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Not to be European, but Americans are very weird about race. There's mainly xenophobia related racism here rather than "separate breeds of human" type, which is the vibe I get from American stuff. It means that USain Black Feminism (and the like) doesn't quite translate to our issues.
Because the Internet is so dominated by Americans its hard to find locally relevant info for self education.
So this ask is sort of silly to me because
A: the "it's more xenophobia than separate breeds of human" is repeated so often by ethnic-majority Europeans except every single ethnically and racially marginalized European or person who lives in Europe I know has responded to these claims with "lol. lmao even." Additionally I know white Europeans who respond to these claims with "lmao" so like. I think that is not quite the truth. I think racism in Europe does look different than racism in the US, but I think there are more similarities than you are willing to admit.
B: hey um so like I'm not saying you're wrong but you are aware how the Roma and Europe's Jews are treated yeah? Like throughout history and even still today?
C: Black feminism rose from the black diaspora in the North American continent so like. Yes, it's pretty centered around American politics. However I would also ask you to name for me a specific instance of black feminism that does not or can not translate to European feminism or race politics with some minor tweaking.
D: There are racial and ethnic advocacy groups in Europe. The internet and social media as a general rule is American-dominated but who's to say that you have to get all your news from social media? In fact I discourage you from doing that entirely. Do you have a public library? A town hall? A historic learning center? Go learn something there.
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fallenhunnyapple · 6 months ago
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@ilikelookingatthings left a very long and question filled essay about Angel!Lu AU in the replies so now its time to delve into More Info about the AU! @fallenguitarhero is my Adam so I got his input for all the Adam-related parts of this. Under a cut because.... this is Very Long LOL (bonus art at the end)
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I'm going to just Copy-Paste the answers I got when we discussed it
I do think that Adam actually subconsciously shifts blame to Lilith because he's very black and white in his views. He hates devil Luci but he thinks he can prevent angel Lu from going down that path if he just keeps them apart. Lute also believes this and ngl her view of Lilith is like...really awful internalized misogyny type shit. Both of them think its better the two never meet and Lute outright threatens Lilith to stay away. Adam is too possessive to try and shift Lu to someone else but he does like... try to push Lu back into friendship type feels. Adam is a dumbass about sexuality so he thinks if he brings Lu to do Masculine and Straight things it will fix this. Instead he ends up just spending even more time with him and making it worse. As for his trauma... yeah Adam tries to hide it. Mostly by changing the subject and acting like an asshole tbh. I've thought abt Lu finding out about Cain and Abel p much by mistake (maybe saw artwork of it, all the hell related stuff is hidden but they wouldnt think to hide art of Adam holding Abel's body or Cain's exile) and it breaking his little baby heart. Adam def has moments where like... his mind is busy w something else like a bad day or a nightmare and for a second he sees the devil instead of his angel. Adam always like... 'shit, sorry, i thought you were someone else- fuck, don't look at me like that, c'mon.' There are other issues he just... doesn't realize he needs to hide. They're right about Adam being cynical and like... telling himself Lu doesn't really love him. Even once they date, he's still insecure. At that point i think he'd tell Lu about Lilith leaving him for a friend of his (whose name he never gives) and his marriage with Eve ending badly. He avoids details. He prob talks way more about his kids and prob even introduces Lu to them... Lu being around might encourage him to work on his relationship with them. Adam's body dysmorphia is such a contrast from the Adam Lu knew before... i do think that with him hiding so much from Lu, he tries to make it up to him by making sure his life is perfect. He goes out of his way to keep his angel happy and his attitude spreads to his exorcists who accept Lu into their flock. tbh Adam's dynamic with them prob becomes way healthier over time due to Lu's influence. i think Adam does tell the truth about some things but leaves out the details. Like he says evil found earth and destroyed Eden but says it hurts too much to talk about it (not a lie) and tells Lu that it's why the exorcists exist, they protect heaven and the dead humans from it. Which is what the official story is anyway! i think Lu prob has the same info the average low ranking Heavenborne and winners do. If Lu pushed him too much Adam might admit there are things he can't tell him but frame it as a military thing - there are things only Michael, Adam and the high ranking exorcists can know. He feels a lot of guilt about lying. it weighs on him a lot. that and the stress of protecting Lu from his brothers honestly makes Adam act more subdued and tired than canon Adam. His eyebags are awful. It prob becomes obvious as time goes on that Adam is Not Well. He keeps his mask on for a looong time after the first time bc it helps him hide his feelings and self-regulate but when he finally takes it off it's obvious to Lu from how he looks that Adam is struggling mentally. Comparing him to how he looked in Eden makes it so clear.
For Lu's part of things. Of course he'd ask about Lilith. Especially after finding out that so long has passed and Adam is here, so Lilith is probably here too, right? I feel like because he missed... So much, the concept of Death to him still doesn't really sink in. Like even with the Sins, it's basically like he just Knows he can't See them again. So with Lilith its like Adam has to just lie the same as with Anyone else from Hell. And Lu is definitely heartbroken about Lilith being Gone.
And like, at the time, Adam isn't lying so he doesn't feel Guilty about it, he just feels bad seeing Lu so upset. The timeline of this is kinda indeterminate but it definitely is Earlier than the 7 years of Lilith being in Heaven. So when he first Appears, she hasn't left Hell yet. Who knows, Charlie may not have even been born yet at that point. There's no Solid point in Time for Lu to have appeared in Heaven, it's just... Earlier. He doesn't think to Look for her because he knows that if she's Not Already There, then she's Inaccessible. Otherwise Adam would have told him, he's sure of it. (Adam has no obligation to tell Lu when Lilith does get there and for the reasons stated above + the fact that the Elder Angels probably would try and deter any interaction between the two. he's left in the Dark about her arriving in Heaven. He doesn't know Adam has even made a Deal with anyone) He still misses her because Adam is Truly the only friend from When he's from left.
And tbh the mixed signals are what keeps Hope Alive for Lu. As much as he tries to be okay with friendship, he still wants more because he's In Love and Adam is the only thing that makes him feel Normal when his entire life and everything he knew was entirely up-ended. It's why he's so passive about it. He doesn't want to make Adam feel bad, but he sees Adam being so Conscious of him now and it makes him happy. He doesn't wanna Push it, but he still likes seeing that Adam is Aware of him like that now. Especially because it's not in a way where Adam is trying to push him away, Adam is actively spending more time with him!
The longer time passes, the more discontent Lu grows. Knowing he's being lied to/that things are being hidden, even by Adam, he is Curious and he wants to learn more. But he also isn't going to be reckless about Learning More. The thing is also he Doesn't Know what questions he should be asking. He could ask Winners things and get answers, its not like anyone would stop him from Talking to Winners, its part of his Job. But like... How would he even start to figure out what's Missing in his knowledge?
Also Lu is definitely Aware of how different Adam is from his Eden self. Like just Visually, it's so easy to separate them because Adam wears his mask. But when its just the two of them and Adam is maskless, Lu may be more susceptible to treating him like that. But he's also very aware of the fact that actually their Knowledge Base is completely flipped. Lu hardly knows anything and Adam knows Everything.
And like.... Lu Knows that being kept in the dark is probably 'for his own good' but as stated, the person who fell is Still him. So now instead of resenting/being upset that Humans were kept in the dark, now it's himself. There's no Fruit That Will Fix Things for him though. He's just left frustrated at his lack of agency in this. And honestly, what keeps in line Most is Fear. Since coming to this time, his family has been Nicer to him, he's actually getting along to some degree with his brothers who used to ridicule him (or worse) and he Knows it's only because he's 'behaving' now, now that Creation is over and Life Has Existed. And he's scared or what will happen if he steps too out of line. He doesn't have the refuge of going to Eden to visit the Humans if things go south with his siblings. He isn't allowed on Earth, he's confined to Heaven, so he would just be stuck with the same sort of things that ultimately drove him originally to commit the Sin of giving Eve the Apple (not that he's Aware of how it culminated) And Also he has Adam. He doesn't want to know what the consequences would be if they were to decide that they shouldn't be allowed to stay together. It would absolutely break him.
If Lu were to find out about the exterminations, he'd be just as Appalled by it as Emily was. Lu doesn't know about Sin, what that entails, how Sinners destroy everything. He hasn't had to live with it so he can't see any contempt or justification for their destruction. Lucifer hates them because they came in a ruined the world he tried to build in Hell. Lu doesn't have any such associations with them. He would just see them much like Charlie does, souls who made mistakes and who should be given the chance to Do Better and make up for it. (That's sort of what he is, in a way, too.) He would absolutely be upset and scold the fuck out of Adam and Lute if he knew what his besties were REALLY doing once a year-
As for the sexual stuff, Both Lucifers started without having a concept of sex or sexuality, so both of them are specifically shaped by their partners (literally in a way). So the Lucifer who learned and explored with Lilith is going to be completely different from the Lucifer who learned and explored with Adam in terms of How they have sex. It's a skill they learn by doing, so it's not the Same.
Thank you for sticking it out this long, have a doodle for your troubles 🙏
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maranigai · 22 days ago
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Do you still accept characters for that ask meme? I saw you only answered an ask about Messmer so far! How about Morgott for that ask meme? (not sure if asking DS characters counts since like 80% of info about them has to be manually hallucinated by the fan themselves, but I can if that's okay with you!)
Yep, I'm still doing character ask meme, Messmer simply was the only ask for me by now lol Also DS characters are fine too, of course they would be like 95% headcanon based, but that's why we love DS, isn't it?
But anyway, Morgott. My absolutely favourite of favourites of all ER characters...
favorite thing about them
First of all, Morgott is such a beautifully contradictory character. He's a demigod shardbearer and a cursed being, a proud monarch and a monster in his own eyes, a defender of all that is holy and a warlock shrouded in illusions. And all these things are actually logical and completely understandable given his story. Because, above everything else, Morgott is a broken creature, not as a result of his own deeds or guilts, but because of the things beyond his control, some ancient sins and crimes he's not aware of, some old vengeance that existed even before he was born. And this break, this pain, is a spiral, you know? Morgott hates his nature because he was convinced he's a monster, he supports the system that oppresses him because he believes that he's oppressed rightfully and this system is the best remaining option for the world as a whole, even if he and people like him have to suffer for it, and in doing so he causes even more harm, more oppression and misery for himself and everyone around. I love how he's a loyal, determined, faithful person, and this is exactly what makes him a villain in the story. He's an extremely tragic character, but completely consistent in his tragedy, his brokenness, and I have a deep weakness for broken things.
least favorite thing about them
I don't think there's anything I don't like about him as a character, I mean, he's certainly not flawless, but his flaws are what make him so interesting in the first place. So I say that my least favourite thing is his bossfight. Don't get me wrong, Morgott is one of my favourite FromSoft bosses in general, but I have a feeling that they made his moveset (super-complex and interesting) first, then remembered he's a mandatory mid-game boss and panicked to balance him to this level by drastically reducing his damage and hp.
favorite line
May the curse seep to thy very soul.
I just love his spiteful tone in this one, sorry.
brOTP
I could write Mohg or Godwyn here and it would be legit, but allow me to be more exotic this time and mention Malenia. They have many things in common, if you think about it: two cursed, yet somewhat noble beings, bitterly determined and endlessly loyal to their masters of choice. I can absolutely see how they can respect and understand each other, even if not sharing each other's cause. I also love the idea of a young, sick, not-yet-swordmaster Malenia and her Cool Big Brother Morgott, the only person around who takes her seriously.
OTP
Banished knight Oleg. Literally the mix of my favourite tropes of "liege and their a bit too loyal knight" and "my majestic, scheming wife and me, committing whatever crimes she wants me to commit today". Also Oleg dies before Morgott, so my inner angst enjoyer appreciates this as well.
nOTP
Mohg! I just can't see them as a pairing, their sibling relationships is everything to me. I'm also not a fan of Tarnished/Morgott, mainly because most of such arts/fics imply some level of self-indulgence and this just doesn't work for me (though I've seen several very cool works with this pairing too).
random headcanon
Three for the price of one: Morgott's hobby is creating clockwork automatons (a more detailed post about this hc); his favourite half-sibling is Malenia and this is mutual; he also shares Mohg's sense of fashion, but refuses to admit it.
unpopular opinion
While most people hc Morgott to be the elder twin, in my hcs he's the younger one (and the youngest of Godfrey's sons). Ironically enough, this isn't an important headcanon for Morgott himself, but it's an essential part of my perception of Godwyn and (especially) Mohg.
song i associate with them
Мельница - Что ты знаешь
My personal theme song for Morgott as the Veiled Monarch.
favorite picture of them
There're so many cool arts of Morgott that it's really hard to choose the most favourite one lol
So for now I pick this one by Cruentum_Noctis
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devilart2199-aibi · 7 months ago
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IDW collection reading update! :^) 📖
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Just finished Phase 2 volume 3! This volume included: The MTMTE 2012 Annual + issues 9-13, The RID 2012 Annual + issues 10-11, Signal to Noise and Spotlights: Thundercracker, Bumblebee and Megatron!
My thoughts will be below! ⤵️
MTMTE 2012 Annual:
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Started off super wacky with Magnus 😂 Then got really interesting with Crystal City disappearing, The Metrotitan being underneath and the Galactic Council making their appearance! I liked how they tried to recruit Magnus and he said nah and smiled :)
RID 2012 Annual:
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Absolutely LOVED the vintage/retro comic pages they did for the story/flashbacks of Nova's group!! Why so evil, but so cool looking?? I'm curious to see what all that with the Metrotitan and Starscream meant! 🤔
MTMTE 9-11:
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Absolute banger. Probably one of my favorite stories so far!! I'm sorry but a murder mystery?? on Cybertron? in the past?? with stellar art!?! Sign me up any day.
Also it was great to finally learn more about Senator Shockwave and the rest of the Characters! Like Drift, Chromedome and Whirly! The back and forth with all the banter and the layers of fronts and corruption ahhh *chefs kisses*
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Also I thought this ⬆️ was so cute bc it's a fact right out of Prowls characters bio/info sheet/page.
MTMTE 12:
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This is the Surprise! Give you a mini heart attack issue lol Bc of my own silliness I was stressed the whole time reading it 😂 but it was really good!! We got to learn a bunch about Rewind. And that him and Chromedome are Conjunx' !! 🥺💞
MTMTE 13:
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This was a super fun issue! I'm absolutely loving all this Magnus character time!!
The Holomatter Avatars were pretty funny 😂 Whirl was too adorable and I thought it was really sweet that Magnus chose to look like Verity 🥺 Uncle Magnus misses his kid.
I felt bad for Swerve ;_; also I'm excited to see more from Cyclonus and Tailgate!! This ship is full of liars lol 😂
RID 10-11:
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10 was an issue where Orion (previously Optimus) is currently hunting down Jihaxus to get answers for stuff and things. There is quite a bit of time jumping back and forth which always gets me confused 😂 it was interesting tho!
Issues 11 Starscream takes action against his Deceptibros (Just Shockwave, Soundwave and their posse really) and I really look forward to his team up with Prowl, if it goes anywhere from here! Also Arcee killing more people rip Ravage, Frenzy and those other guys 🫡 and a wild Megatron makes a reappearance?!?!
Signal to Noise:
It was a little Lost Light interlude! It was from Rung's perspective. I feel like I haven't seen much from him specifically so it was pretty cool and interesting :> Like everything, I'm curious to see where it goes!
Spotlights:
Thundercrackers was enjoyable! It just reinforced that he was good leaning, or at least not one for senseless violence. I really like him and hope he makes a reappearance! I'm curious what he's up to on earth
Bumblebee's was fine. Him struggling to be the leader and feeling like he has to prove himself, but getting the job done!
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Megatron's was a banger. I absolutely love his monologs. What he thinks of his Decepticons and the 'Pep talk' he gave Starscream to get him back to his usual self.
----
Final random thoughts:
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Of all the storylines, MTMTE is still my favorite to read rn. I must admit, Rodimus tho is stressing me out as the leader 😂 I was gonna say my fav characters rn but, there are just too many haha
I've already hopped into volume 4 so I'll be seeing you soon with more ramblings! 👋
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thehusbandoden · 11 months ago
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Midoriya Izuku x OFA Related Reader Headcannons
A/n: here's the request. For some reason my account is acting weird with requests and I don't wanna risk losing them so I'm doing it differently.
I'm so sorry it took so long! I wanted to write a fic but it wasn't working lol.😅
If you want something changed/want to request something else, please please contact me!
General info:
Genre: fluff + sllight angst \\ wc: 902 \\ posted: 01/01/2024 \\ requested
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Your parents died when you were about six. They were bystanders of a villain attack, and All Might unfortunately didn't get there in time. All Might felt incredibly guilty, even though he knew that he did his best.
His guilt tripled when he found out that the couple had a daughter. He was very invested in your future, and immediately offered to adopt you when he found out you didn't have anyone to take you in.
After a while of debating and arguing, the government finally allowed All Might to adopt you. He took a few months off of work to bond with you and get to know you. He hired a full-time nanny to help take care of you while he was at work.
As you grew, he secretly hoped you would be able and willing to take on his quirk and be the next successor.
A few years pass by, and you haven't developed your quirk. All Might had taken you to your doctor multiple times, but he didn't see anything wrong. You were just a late bloomer.
All Might continued to smile, comforting you whenever you felt like a failure.
At your request, and probably a little bit of All Might's own desires, he started training you a week after your tenth birthday. You were amazing, and All Might was sure you would become the next successor.
Until your quirk came.
On your fourteenth birthday, you received your quirk. It was amazing and powerful, yes, but there was one problem...
It was completely incompatible with OFA.
The news devastated you and put you in a pit of depression for a few weeks.
All Might tried his best to reassure you, but you were too caught up in your own self-pity.
Five weeks later, you finally accepted it. You allowed and appreciated the comfort All Might gave you and started to rethink your life's plan.
After a few more weeks of recovery, you asked All Might to help you train your quirk.
It was tough, and almost overwhelming at times, but with All Might's support and the many professionals he hired with similar quirks, you prevailed.
You were behind your fellow classmates by several years, but made up for it by the relentless hours you trained with several pros.
By the time Middle school was ending, you were equal if not far surpass your classmates. You made it into UA by recommendation.
During the months before UA, All Might introduced you to Midoriya Izuku... his new successor.
They were both nervous about your reaction, but pleasantly surprised when you took the news well.
You and Izuku ended up getting along quite well. You quickly became friends, and you helped him with both preparing for and controlling his new power. 
You became very close, becoming inseparable from each other.  
Izuku slowly began to master his new power with your help, filling you with pride.  
Helping him achieve his dream helped you to feel better about your failure.  
Both of you developed feelings for one another but didn’t admit it- even to yourselves.  
You always denied accusations of your crush thrown at you by the majority of Class 1-A.  
It got so bad that Bakugo screamed at you across the hallway, demanding that you and “stupid Deku” stop being wimps and actually confess to one another.  
Izuku was in hearing range, and you almost died from embarrassment.  
Luckily, no one mentioned it.  
It wasn’t until you worriedly entered the hospital, walking down the hall as your eyes flickered from room to room, anxiously looking for his number.  
Your eyes met with the room number, and your heart thundered against your chest as you hurried inside, tears forming at the corners of your eyes as your eyes laid on the broken body of Izuku.
He got so worried when he saw your tears, trying to sit up to comfort you.  
At the sight of him hurting himself, you grew angry.  
Your lips contorting into a snarl, you gently push him back into bed, glaring at him.  
“We’ll talk about this... foolish behavior later.” You growl, your e/c orbs boring into his emerald ones.  
After he healed the two of you shyly confessed. He took you on a date, and you became official three days later.  
You spent even more time together, sitting closer, and staring more openly.  
Neither of you denied your feelings anymore- even though you didn’t tell anyone.  
Almost everyone knew but you didn’t really care.  
You were able to help him whenever he struggled to control or understand OFA, and you were the first one to recognize what was happening and to jump into help.  
You ended up engaged three months after you graduated from UA and married seven months after that. Izuku heavily relied on your knowledge, asking you for help or for advice.  
You both became well-known heroes, and you both went back and forth from number one and number two.  
Bakugo surpassed you once- for two months.  
Izuku was secretly fuming, fighting harder for his position.  
He had a smug smirk on his lips as you regained your ranking, wrapping an arm around your waist as he pressed a kiss to your cheek, not caring about the cameras.  
The affectionate act was all over the news the next day.  
He fainted when he saw the pictures and the clip the next morning, profusely apologizing when he woke up.  
~~~~~
Izuku's masterlist | Masterlist | Navigation | You can tip me here <3
Reblogs and feedback are greatly appreciated <33
~~~~~
Do not copy, repost, nor plagiarize my work. Ask before you translate or use my work in any way -minus reblogging.
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rc-writes · 1 year ago
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𝐛𝐞𝐧𝐧𝐲 𝐰𝐞𝐢𝐫 𝐡𝐞𝐚𝐝𝐜𝐚𝐧𝐨𝐧𝐬
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𝙢𝙖𝙨𝙩𝙚𝙧𝙡𝙞𝙨𝙩𝙨 | 𝙩𝙖𝙜𝙡𝙞𝙨𝙩 𝙛𝙤𝙧𝙢
pairings: benny weir x reader (could be seen as platonic or romantic)
warnings: two curse words??, if you’re reading this as platonic there’s one mention of wearing couples costumes but friends can totally do that to, uhh i think that’s it
a/n: alright i could have probably thought of a million more but it was literally 1am when i wrote this and i was tired lol. also i will admit that was me fulling self projecting on the info dumping about movies part and wanting to text someone at an ungodly hour, but in my defense i do genuinely think benny would do those things as well. also this was requested by an irl friend of mine who mentioned friends to lovers after i finished this so look out for that coming soon! also this is my first writing related thing i’ve posted on this blog in like 2 years!!
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will try to learn spells just to impress you
of course there was a few that went wrong
maybe more than a few, but it’s the thought that counts right?
will send every meme or funny video he finds
does not matter if its 3pm or 3am he will send it immediately after he found it
which speaking of 3am i can see him not being able to sleep so he tries texting you
if you answer i can see him texting “hey what’s wrong?? why are u up so late?? everything okay??” and completely ignoring that he too is also awake at this hour
“you are aware you texted me first, why are you up”
“i asked you first”
benny absolutely loves video games and will want to play a few with you even if you don’t like video games
which if you’re with him there a good chance you love them too
but if you don’t you will most likely start liking them even just a bit because he makes them fun
getting to spent time with him and watch him do something he loves makes it special
it also can be really funny
can guarantee at least once he’d say “watch this babe” or “this ones for you” and immediately fail/die
this is also something that definitely happens in the outside world with him trying to throw something away or something
pure of heart, dumb of ass
also i don’t know shit about video games so i cannot go into anymore detail then this lol
is 100% down with spontaneous movie nights whether that be binge watching movies at home or going to the theater
if it’s a movie he’s obsessed with but you’ve never seen he will be trying his hardest not to info dump and potentially spoil the whole thing
but if it’s a movie he knows you have seen he is more than willing to explain every single fact about it he knows
“did you know that while filming this bit they had film it completely in reverse to make it look like that?? insane right!?”
speaking of movies if it’s a horror/scary movie you can bet he will try to act all tough and not scared before it starts
even if you already know how much of a scaredy cat he is he will try to play it off
but the second the first jumpscare happens there will be popcorn flying everywhere
he is no longer allowed to hold the bowl
you’re still finding popcorn in the couch
he will still continue to pretend that he’s not scared despite shaking like a scared chihuahua
you will have to be the one to grab onto him
which then leads to him hiding his face into your neck or behind you
he still refuses to let you turn it off even if you insist it’s okay
there is a part of you that feels bad but also a part that thinks it’s so funny
your contact names in each others phones are han solo and princess leia
the only suggestions i will take on this is that yours is han and his is leia
will take you to every convention within driving distance
if the convention if for some game/show/movie you don’t know be prepared for a whole powerpoint presentation or a weekend of binge watching whatever media it is
“didn’t you just say you hated doing a powerpoint for history??”
“babe this is way more important and interesting than anything school can teach”
you both will be going all out costume wise every convention
i can totally see you guys going in couple costumes or like hero and villain
if the latter you two take turns on who gets to be the villain or hero
if you are with benny there is no way you can be a halloween hater
he can do freaking magic, of course it’s his favorite holiday!!
this also can follow what i said for conventions with the costumes
at some point there is a competition on who can get the most candy
if he loses, he will say that the candy was just too hard to resist, and he had to eat just one piece that turned into him eating many pieces
this is a true fact whether he loses or not
side note if you can go a whole night of trick or treating without eating a single piece of candy while doing so i don’t believe you
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ferniliciousness · 3 months ago
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I've been thinking lately about why I have grown to love Solas so much. Idk why honestly, besides it's been a stressful couple weeks and I needed my mind off things lol.
Solas is pretty outta character for me honestly. I didn't expect to like him as much as I do (I'm meaning nonromanticlly, though I do also like him in that way). And thinking back on him and the game and how I've been the past couple months playing it, it's literally how well he portrays my own depression.
I see sooooo much of myself in Solas, in ways I literally do not have the words to describe I just do. I can't fully explain it but, I just see myself in so much of him, from the way he self isolates to the way he loves to info dump on anyone. Even the way he feels so much self hatred and regret, how much he reflects on the past and the little things I see in how he acts that shows his past. I relate so much to him, even in pushing people away, the shutting down and lying because he doesn't have the heart to tell the truth. Seeking solitude in his own thoughts and wallowing in his own pain.
I have never felt so seen in a video game, including how all of his friends around him barely notice. Even a romancing Lavellan struggles to notice and barely brings it up, even going so far as to be hurtful towards him. Everyone just assumes that's how he is. Meanwhile me, fresh into the game, knowing little about Solas except story spoilers, I see it. I see him. I notice every painful laugh, every hesitation, every time he sees solitude, hell even his art to me screams out some kind of pain.
He is so proud, so full of himself, he would never ask for help, or advice. Not that he would anyway, this is his mistake, his burden to bear. Only he can fix it because only he should have to deal with the consequences of what he's done. It was his choice, his actions, his mistake that caused all of this and now he's going to fix it. Pushing people aside keeps them from getting hurt, and keeps you having to admit you've been wrong this whole time. It's his mistake, his problem to fix...
And damn I just want to hug him. I want to scream at him every word I wish people would say to me. Cause he's not alone, its not just his fault, and he doesn't have to fix everything himself. People do care about him, people do see his pain, he's not alone.... And just.... Damn....
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AITA for not wearing long sleeves? tw // self harm
recently i (20nb) had a particularly bad week and relapsed. i dont do anything that leads to any major injury but it does leave visible marks on my wrists.
after a few days i kind of forgot about them? i dont care about people seeing them all that much (obviously i do tend to wear longer sleeves to hide them, but theyre a part of me just like any other temporary scar. i dont bring them up ever i just let them exist. all this to say if i wear short sleeves its not the end of the world for me) and im in the middle of art school finals right now so hiding my scars is not my priority lol
recently i went out with my family (my mom [49f], my sister [16f] and my brother [14m] if it matters) to get haircuts. the haircuts are by a family friend (63m), and he is well aware of my mental health issues. once i got in the car, i realized that i put on a short sleeved shirt today. we werent exactly gonna go out and do stuff other than haircuts and burger king, so i thought it would be fine. the scars, at this point, have faded to nothing more than faint red lines and are barely noticeable.
long story short, my mom saw them and dragged me out to the car after our haircuts were done. once we got to the car she laid it in on me. she yelled at me, asking me things like "how dare you do that to yourself again", "how dare you show them off to [haircut guy]", "why did you think that wearing short sleeves was even remotely a good idea?". i tried to explain it was an accident, but she pointed to the scars and asked me how "that" was an accident.
i will admit that i didnt have a good answer for that and stayed silent. my mom didnt like that and accused me of everything from earlier again, and then marched inside for my siblings, saying she wasnt done with me.
im now back at my dorms after a very silent car ride. ive already texted my dad (49m) about the situation, who is backing me up, so hopefully the argument will resolve here, but judging from my moms visceral reaction, i feel like an asshole. the intent wasnt to "show them off", but i should have worn longer sleeves to hide them and make sure that i didnt freak out my mom. shes autistic and cant control her emotions very well (she hasnt gotten therapy for it) and she might have been stressed since ive had issues with sh for 7 years now and i was 4 months clean before i relapsed (and she mightve thought that i broke free of the habit).
... though as far as im aware, neither my mom nor my haircutter have had issues with sh in the past, and my haircutter didnt notice my scars.
sorry for long post; aita?
What are these acronyms?
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boywifesammy · 1 year ago
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s5e11 sam, interrupted is THE EPISODE. it’s a fucking cinematic pipe bomb. watching it is like chewing on glass and swallowing propane. it is wonderful, it is amazing, it is EXCRUCIATING and i love it. allow me to explain.
(under the cut because i ended up rambling lol)
like, yes… it is extremely ableist. it is extremely offensive. it is an overdone harmful caricature of psych wards and horrific to watch but that is EXACTLY what makes it so good. i’ve never seen spn as a horror show but man this episode?? the psychological distress of it, the unease, the dereality??? it has me frothing at the mouth.
as someone who has tics and PTSD i have first hand experience being labelled as Crazy so that’s the lens i’m coming at this from. this episode is most definitely not a reliable source for mental health info but the way they portrayed martin’s character kinda got me. him stuttering over certain words, his general paranoia, how they clearly address that he went through a deeply traumatic event but that he’s still useful as a hunter even though he can’t do the things he used to before. i don’t think the writers intended for this episode to be viewed the way i did but man i am shaking it around in my cranium like a snow globe.
just the first few minutes of it is insane. dean acknowledging that sam was high on demon blood and that the apocalypse wasn’t his fault. seeing the absolute absurdity of the show in perspective with real life. dean admitting to his psych doctor that he's an insomniac, alcoholic, and incapable of holding long-terms relationships with his usual blase nonchalance, then immediately clamming up when she hits him with the "let's talk about your father." ??!!! i know dean is The daddy issues character but i love when they call him out like that.
and how can i Not point out the blatant assault and objectification… wendy forcefully making out with both sam AND dean. them both getting probed by the fucking monster of the week not even 10 minutes into the episode. SAM BEING TIED DOWN. i cannot explain to you how much i love seeing him restrained. the moment i saw sam tied down and angry i literally vibrated out of my skin that boy must be helpless and restrained more often it is beautiful.
on a sort of related note: high sam. yes. just yes. the little nose boop. him telling dean I Love You. getting all emotional about how much he cares about his brother. the themes of his autonomy being stripped. him being drugged up against his will when he’s a recovering drug addict????? INSANE.
also one thing that really stood out to me was dean being diagnosed as paranoid schizophrenic with narcissistic personality disorder and religious delusions. which, yes, is inaccurate, but seems more like a misinterpretation of his PTSD symptoms. dean isn’t schizophrenic but he IS paranoid and he’s trained himself so thoroughly to weaponize his feelings that even to HIMSELF he seems narcissistic, when he’s really just scared and desperate. he externalizes his self-hatred as this overfed bravado but it’s because if he was honest about how he felt about himself the guy would simply fall apart.
expanding on that note… sam&dean meta on how they react to trauma & grief. dean immediately clams up and becomes anxious and terrified. he shrouds himself in so much false confidence but he genuinely hates himself so fucking much. so much that he just sits with his pain because he thinks he deserves it, while sam wants to externalize. he’s angry and that scares him because of what’s in his blood but the truth is that he has every right to be angry. he wants to be gentle but he has so much repressed rage that it bursts out of him and leaves him terrified in the aftermath. dean on the other hand wants to be angry but he’s so scared and critical of himself that he shuts down.
and the ending. my god the ending. dean telling sam to wrap it up and stuff it down. it’s excruciating to watch because dean’s advice is fucking shit but it’s also heart-breaking because it puts into perspective just how much these boys have on their conscience.
they PHYSICALLY cannot deal with their trauma. it is so awful and overwhelming that they could not function if they remembered it, so they forget about it. they push it down. they hide it away, and it’s so fucking refreshing to have an episode that acknowledges that they do that because THAT IS A TRAUMA RESPONSE. it is quite literally a SURVIVAL tactic. people who are severely traumatized will wipe their memory of traumatic events because they cannot function with it in the peripheral. this is a clear manifestation of sam and dean’s PTSD and how when they’re faced with these problems, their emotions take over and they completely lose themselves, whether that’s due to fear or rage.
the horror of this episode isn’t the wraith. it isn’t the silly little monster sucking out people’s brains. it’s the thing inside you. it is the imagery of these people hanging or with slit wrists being passed off as suicidal because they’re mentally ill. it is the ugly truth of trauma and the ways it twists your memory and self-worth. it is the inherent belief that someone is worthless if they are psychotic or paranoid. it’s the way the episode puts that perspective on sam and dean, shows them what it’s like to hallucinate and drags up their own repressed memories and puts them on full display. it is TRULY horrifying and it is GRIM and NASTY because it is about the human psyche and the horrible ways it can be twisted. it’s a fucking phenomenal episode if you can read the subtext and get past the whole “scary psych ward bad” wrapping.
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katyspersonal · 5 months ago
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Another SOTE progress post!
1) Okay so like I said earlier in another post the highlight of today was finally defeating Rellana x) It felt REALLY rewarding to finally win after having to try so many things, Miyazaki forced me to use my brain AGAIN
2) After that I went to talk with the NPCs around the crosses by an advice by @val-of-the-north since not being able to summon Leda apparently meant that I've got the rune of Miquella broken. And hoooo boy.... At last I got to that part where Ansbach revealed the uncancelled Mohg's lore.
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"Once, in an attempt to free Lord Mohg from his enchantment, I challenged Tender Miquella, only to have my own heart rather artfully stolen. I knew not how weak I was. I believed that with sufficient mastery, even and Empyrean would be within reach of my blade. I could not have been more mistaken... Miquella the Kind...is a monster. Pure and radiant, he wields love to shrive clean the hearts of men. There is nothing more terrifying."
"Righteous Tarnished. Miquella the Kind makes my blood run cold. I am loath to admit it, but even at this very instant I wish to run very far away indeed."
Soooo, yeah.. Apparently the bit I was spoiled is later game dialogue, this is a different one and I see it for the first time! Damn, trailer quote tho x)
3) What I did NOT know is that all these characters were under the spell of Bewitching Branch too ;-; Guess Leda is going after the hornsent guy's throat now gfhgjg Wild to see how everyone now does what they actually want, SPEAKING OF:
4) Thiollier now wants to go seek the part of Miquella he earlier had sealed away with the spell wall branded with his Haligtree symbol! There is now outright confirmation that Trina IS Miquella:
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"Would Kindly Miquella chasten me? For falling for St. Trina, while knowing that she was the discarded half? The problem is... I simply cannot help it. I would sacrifice everything, just to gaze upon her, one last time."
Damn... either 1) Looks like both alters of Miquella have the capacity of compelling affection? Not just his Bewitching Branch, but whatever sleepy scent powers Trina is using or 2) Thiollier is Just Like This. Tea?
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"I see you've thrown away... Something you should not have. Under any circumstances. How will you salvation offer... to those who cannot be saved? When you could not even save your other self? Kindly Miquella..."
5) The cross strangely has the message from Miquella, "I abandon here my love". All things considered it is not supposed to refer to his feelings, and recalling dialogue by Ansbach I'd say it maybe refers to his ability to wield love as weapon? Because look at how NOW Trina's power entices people into coma. Speaking OF:
6) Turned out my previous guess was wrong, and "bastardisation" of Trina's otherwise pacifist powers was not work of followers, but result of Miquella severing her from his being!
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7) (or rather 6.1 lol) This is actually a good additional timeline clue! Earlier Freija mentioned that she received her Scarlet Rot wound in Caelid, so, as Malenia and Radanh fought, and Miquella was the one to heal it! So he was around that time yet. Then, change in Trina's powers happened as Miquella went to abandon his Empyrean entity, when Dolores has been using the powers as they were and she was in the Roundtable Hold! This I think will be useful for later to recover when could he have started with the plan! I already have a working suggestion for explaining events, just need more info!
8) Damn, not the area from the trailer ;-; Thiollier is so dead lol
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By the way the boss in this area is RIDICULOUSLY difficult hghghg I gave up on him and kinda went to have adventures elsewhere just for the heck of it!
9) Discovered an actual dialogue by an old lady in Belurat, AND:
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EMPYREAN?? I actually yelled at Val about it since I needed to know whether it is legit the same term or perhaps a loss in translation! And he researched Japanese script and confirmed that yes, indeed, this woman IS an Empyrean like GEQ, Marika, Ranni, Miquella and Malenia! @val-of-the-north be a dear and add the evidence you've found today in a reblog or another pose! Because HECK, WHAT????
10) So I went to look around in random places since that boss was too hard. Found a small piece of some ruins by Val's advice, using one of those blue Keyswords. Then I wanted to go down in a village down near Moorth Ruins but for the heck of it could not figure how to get down there. While waiting for Val's slow ass to instruct me, I started to run wherever, really. And ironically, found the exact cave leading me to the FULL version of those Ruins! Felt surprised to find the golden tree inside!
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11) Went through second poisonous swamp in the game yet, truly Miyazaki xD
12) Stumbled into Kindred of Rot, but they are RED in color!!!
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This was so bizarre?? Damn, still, what ARE they doing here? First turned out that Formless Mothers and rituals for her that Mohg is using originated in Shadow Realm, now this.. Makes me wonder whether all Outer Gods come from this place originally, so God of Rot too, so, Twinbird too?
13) Hey @heraldofcrow how did you lose your clothes?? Put them back on slut gdghvgbvbbh
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14) I decided to explore later and instead went to bully Horned Knights and Ascetics for their sets and weapon in Belurat. Belurat has places very close to Site of Grace for both! Horned Knight farming went pretty fast and easy! Ascetic... not so much. :/ He did drop his weapon and arm piece, but past this point he's been only dropping leg piece over and over! Reminds me of that 'Seebass? No, it's at least C+!' meme vffhhhh I think I will return for his mask later :/
15) This type of posts becomes a bit too structured, I need to post more random items descs
16) However I got a note from Val that we surprisingly got lore on Fingercrawlers (lol at my recent theory post aging like milk xd) and @jarognieva said something about a couple of spots on the map looking like giant fingerprints + having many fingers within 👀 No idea what is going on yet, but I can see it now!
Okay that's it for now.. until the tomorrow's work shift ends xD
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