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oitommothetease · 4 years ago

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Invisible String (4/?)

Pairing: Bucky Barnes x Female reader (Modern AU)

Description: James Buchanan Barnes, the owner of the most expensive-looking club in town and your new apartment. He was a dick and you hated him. What could possibly go wrong when you, the new girl in town, start bartending at his club to pursue your dreams?

Word Count: 2.6k words

Warning: 18+ (discussion of assault, nervous breakdown, anxiety attack, just don’t read this whole series if you are a kid)

You woke up to a night of dreamless sleep like you always did, but then the events of the previous night hit you. You wished it was a dream, but one look in the mirror and a bruise running along your cheek was enough to confirm. Not only that, but you remembered asking your boss to stay over, but you didn't expect him to. The blanket on your living room’s couch and the bowl of fruits and a glass of juice situated out for you on the kitchen counter proved that he did stay.

And then the reality sunk in, you have a decision to make. You can either go to the cops or let that guy get away. The latter sounded not so great, but you knew going to the cops isn't going to be great either. You've seen enough detective shows to know that. You've had enough, and you just wanted to forget it.

What did Mr. Barnes mean when he said you were going to talk about this? Are you supposed to visit him before work? Is he going to come to your place?

You decided to work on your book but ended up not being able to concentrate, so you started watching a show and fell asleep while watching it. Maybe some Chinese take-out could make you feel better. It didn't. Nothing made you feel better. You wished you had some friends in this new town because you didn't want to burden your work friends.

After a horrible day of trying to cope, when you finally made your way to the club, you noticed the security was increased. Usually, security guards weren't present inside the club, but today it was different. Everyone was so vigilant and you felt a little safer. If you didn't know any better, you'd think Mr. Barnes did it for you, but again he would have done the same thing for any other employee.

"Boss wants to see you," Pietro told you. You were about to head for Clint's office when the blond twin spoke again and pointed his finger towards the stairs." The boss."

Okay, well maybe playing naïve couldn't avoid this meeting, so you slowly walked upstairs. How bad could this go, it's not like he saw you in your most vulnerable state? Oh, wait, he did.

You knocked on his office door, wanting to rip the band-aid and get over with it.

"Hey," you said, faking a smile. "Thanks for getting me home last night and for breakfast today. I didn't even know I had fruits and juice at home because let's be honest, I'm a toast and coffee kinda gal."

Mr. Barnes didn't say anything, he just looked at you as if you were a confusing puzzle that he couldn't solve. He raised a hand towards the seat in front of him and you took it, nervously fiddling with your fingers under the table.

“You do that a lot, you know?” he asked, it wasn't a question, it was merely an observation.

“What?”

“Deflecting a serious issue by using a joke.” Mr. Barnes observed as if it was the most obvious thing in the world.

“What are you? My therapist?”

He arched an eyebrow, indicating that you were literally doing the thing he pointed out.

"Yeah, well, it's called having a healthy coping mechanism. You should try getting one, brooding is only gonna help you this far."

"It's not healthy if you're not dealing with it," Mr. Barnes pointed out.

You scoffed in incredulity and you felt very, very attacked.

What is it? Attacking y/n day?, you thought.

"Anyway, I think I want to press charges," You changed the subject to a more serious conversation to avoid him calling you out on your bullshit.

"Okay, I understand.”

“You do?” You asked, bewilderment clearly written all over your face. “I mean, letting an employee go to the cops is not gonna be great for your club's reputation and yours too. And, you know, considering the shady business, you do-”

"What exactly do you think we do?" He asked.

And that's when it hit you, you didn't know what he did or mob bosses do in general. All your knowledge about it came from movies and Wattpad, both of them are not a great place to gain knowledge.

“What exactly do you do?” you pondered.

He obviously wasn't expecting you to directly ask him, nobody has directly asked him or even made it known that they are aware of his work. It was kind of like a silent pact that everybody signed for, everybody except you, apparently.

“Um, you know, I've been working for almost 2 weeks here now, and I haven't seen any drugs around here, so it's obviously not drugs. You don't look like the sex trafficking types-”

"Jesus, woman!" He exclaimed, offended by your assumptions.

"Then just tell me what you do."

You expected him to tell you something, but he just kept looking at you with a face void of emotions.

"Fine, don't tell me," you mumbled, raising your hands dramatically in defeat.

“So you don't mind me ruining your reputation by going to the cops?”

“I told you I don't care. Your safety is my utmost priority,” your face might have given away the surprise you felt because he quickly backpedaled. ”I mean, the safety of my employees.”

“The safety of my employees is my utmost priority,” he told you, providing an extra emphasis on the word employees. “Anyway, one of my people would take you to the police station near-"

You cut him off immediately.

"No, you can't tell anyone else. I don't want everyone hopping on the pity train. I'm already ashamed that you know about it," you pleaded but your voice was firm, telling him that this was not up for a discussion.

At this, his eyes and features softened. Bucky didn't want you to feel guilty or ashamed for somebody else's actions, but clearly, you did.

"Okay, then I can take you. You just had to explain to the officer last night’s events, and they'll ask you to recognize Rumlow and then we can-"

Mr. Barnes’s voice faded into the background when it finally hit you.

"You know what, I changed my mind. It's too much. I don't want to press charges anymore. I didn't think this through," you backtracked. You did think this through, but now all the factors were adding up in your brain. You'd have to explain the details to a cop who is probably going to be another man and a stranger, and then they'd ask you to identify the guy. You didn't think you had it in you to face him. At least not now.

He interpreted your thought process and promptly changed the topic. "Okay, we can work with whatever you want, and at least let Peter escort you home after work."

"What? No!” You quickly declined.

“It's for your own safety,” Bucky tried to reason. He wasn't letting you get off this easily.

“I'm a strong, independent woman and I'm not scared of anything.”

That was a lie. You were scared of many things like heights, dark, spiders, confrontation and the list goes on and on.

You remembered all the lectures your mom gave you telling you that women should be scared because men are monsters, and you'd lose your honor if you are reckless and some other patriarchal crap that you didn't pay attention to. But you weren't scared, you were just always careful. You'd always put the keys between your knuckles when you went home alone. In your previous job, you used to laugh it off whenever your coworkers made a sexist joke. You'd ignore the subtle shoulder touch that your previous boss did. You told yourself that this is what it takes to make it. If you were to run away every time someone eyed you in a wrong way, then you'd spend your whole life running.

Women usually shrug this behavior off as it is what is, but the truth is it shouldn't be like this.

“Please, I insist.”

“I'm very capable of taking care of myself. Just because one bad incident happened doesn't mean I'll fucking break!” You stated, your voice louder than your regular voice to get across your point.

That was also a lie. You were walking on a thin line and you were ignoring your emotions. You were one outburst away from a breakdown, and you just couldn't bring yourself to feel anything.

Mr. Barnes tried to call your name, but you were already bolting out of his office.

You needed a drink. No, fuck that. You needed multiple drinks. It wasn't exactly wise to get drunk during work, but it couldn't get any shittier than this, right?, you thought.

Right?

Wrong. It could get way shittier than this. Now it was almost midnight, you were kind of tipsy, and you could see two Mr. Stark, your regular customer, in front of you.

Did he have a twin? Is he and his twin brother one of those identical twins that dress up the same? Because that's what it looked like.

“Earth to y/n," Mr. Stark said, or was it his twin? It was getting hard to keep track anymore.

And that's when you noticed.

“Holy, Shit. You're triplets, Mr. Stark," you announced.

"Okay, kid, close my tab.”

“Hey, y/n. Are you okay?” Peter asked, noticing the concerned look Mr. Stark gave him before leaving.

“Yes, I'm fine. Absolutely fine.”

***

Turns out you were not fine. You've been pretty much hammered for the past week, and you could barely get a sentence out without giggling or slurring. Your colleagues took notice of your state and whenever someone pointed it out, you'd just shrug it off as a bad day or a bad week. There was no concept of time in your drunk state.

You couldn't concentrate on your book, you could barely look at someone without squinting, and you've been eating takeout and leftovers for the past few days.

James would have fired if someone working under him was this irresponsible, but he knew your reasons. He knew you clearly weren't coping with the trauma well. Your work ethics were shoved down the trash that even Clint asked why you weren't fired yet.

Bucky didn't want to talk to you, he thought that maybe giving you some space would do you good, but clearly it wasn't working. Usually, the mob boss didn't interfere in the affairs of his employees, it was Clint's job, but when you smashed a bottle on the head of a customer, he had to interject.

“I TOLD THIS FUCKER NO!” you yelled, Peter’s hand around your middle from behind. Another empty beer bottle was in your hand, ready to be smashed across the face of the drunk dude in front of you.

Pietro and Wanda were enjoying the show. Peter, being the peace lover he is, held you back when you smashed a bottle across a drunk customer's face. Even though Peter was younger than you, he was stronger, and he was not only holding you back but also himself. He didn't want to cause a scene and that is why he was mulling comforting words in your ear like, he's not worth it, you're gonna kill this guy.

Damn right I am, you thought.

It was ironic because everyone in that club had killed someone except you.

When Bucky walked into the room, the drunk guy turned towards him and pointed at you. ”You are hiring crazy bitches now? Just called her baby girl and she went psycho!!!”

Bucky didn't understand what was happening. He told the security guards to take that man outside his club and he walked towards you. He firmly yet gently took a hold of your left arm, signaling Peter to let go of you. Without a word, he started walking in the direction of his office, dragging you along with him.

Once near his office, he lightly yanked your hand and shoved you inside, making you stand in front of him.

"What the fuck is wrong with you?" he inquired, having had enough of your incompetence.

You were seething with rage. "Wrong with me? I told him no, but he didn't listen."

Bucky stepped forward, his anger dissipating into sympathy. " I know, he mumbled, "and I'm so-"

"No, you don't know!" you yelled, body trembling and tears welling up in your eyes. "I told him no multiple times, I even tried to push him off me, but he just kept coming back."

Bucky's eyes furrowed in confusion. He didn't understand your words, the drunk customer didn't touch you. And that's when he realized, you weren't talking about the drunk customer. He cognized that the drunk guy purely triggered something that you've been suppressing for days now. Bucky was aware that you needed to get it out of your system to cope healthily.

“I told him no, you know? But he just wouldn't listen,” you stated, trying to convince yourself that you didn't lead him on. ”And he was so…. so strong and… and then he hit me and everything just went blur, I couldn't see but... but I could still feel him with me.”

Not realizing that you were not in that place anymore, you wrapped your hand around yourself to seek some sort of protection and comfort, bottom lip quivering, the welled up traitorous tears were streaming down your face and all you could think about was that night.

“I… I can't get his touch out,” you stammered. ” I shower, multiple times a day, but I still can't get his touch out.”

With that, you broke down completely and shattered on the floor, sobbing ferociously. Your knees ached because of the position you were situated in, but the emotional pain was enough to overshadow the physical one.

For once in his lifetime, Bucky did not know what to do. Cautiously, he made his way towards you and knelt down in front of you. He did not know what to say or do to make you feel better.

You launched your body towards him, snaking your arms around his shoulder to settle on his neck as if he was the only thing grounding you. You lurched onto him like he was your anchor, and maybe he was. It took a minute for Bucky to register your actions, and when he did, he wrapped his arms around your middle and closed the minuscule distance separating you.

He surprised himself with the way one of his hands automatically reached for your hair and whispered words of comfort in your ear. He caught you as you crumpled physically and emotionally.

”You're going to be okay, doll,” he whispered and kissed your temple with sincerity. ”I will make sure of that.”

The second part was barely audible, it wasn't meant for you, it was a promise he made to himself.

Bucky held you tightly yet gently while you sobbed on his shoulder.

He didn't know how long he held you, it felt like an eternity to him with the way he could feel the guilt and rage inside him. When you passed out in his arms, he gently placed you on one of the comfortable couches in his office and draped a blanket around you that he had for when he would work late at night.

An office chair might not be the most ideal place to spend the night in, but it didn't matter to Bucky. All that mattered was you.

TAGS: @bananapipedreams @akkinda10 @rivers-rambles21 @emmabarnes@goodcleanfunsis @valsworldofcreativity

#mobster bucky #mob!bucky #mob bucky #bucky barnes fanfiction #bucky x y/n #bucky barnes #bucky x you #bucky fic #bucky #mob!bucky x reader #mobbucky x reader #mob!bucky x you #mob!bucky series #mob boss!bucky #mob boss au

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nightswithkookmin · 4 years ago

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I hate it here

Why does he get to appropriate people's race and still have so much access??

I thought impersonation was a crime.

I thought stealing someone's identity was a crime. How is he walking around Freely and taking pictures with hot chicks?😒

THAT SHOULD BE ME😭😭😭

If he is profiting off of his looks he needs to be sued by Hybe IMMEDIATELY.

HYBE SHOULD HIRE ME - If they can over look my gossipy nature and the fact they really can't trust me with any company secrets plus I'll spend all my time staring at Jikook and simping for YoonminhopeJoon🙂

Bapsae aaahhhhh 😏😏😏

To answer your question Barbara, you are not the only confused one when it comes to these labels. We all are.

A lot of people use Bi these days instead of Pan because people find the term Pansexuality confusing and offensive so....

Strange times.

Offensive because some people in the Bi community feel it's a redundant term as to them it means the same as Bisexuality. As such they feel the use of Pansexuality is erasure and invalidating of their own identity.

From what I understand of this ongoing label wars in the community, those who get offended by Pansexuality do so mostly because they do not view trans identity as a seperate unique gender in of it's own but merely as an adjective.

To such, there is no thing as cis boy or trans boy and that a boy is a boy. So being Bi to them means they are attracted to boys( cis or trans) and girls (regardless of whether they are cis or trans)- which is what Pansexuality actually is💀

Here in lies the conflict. Cis women and some people, myself included, see trans identity as a seperate gender identity from cis identity and differentiates between a biological Male or female and a trans Male or female.

As such a boy is not a boy, a boy is either cis boy or trans boy and both are valid.

This distinction is what mostly sets bisexuality from pan sexuality from my point of view.

It's disheartening. Not to mention anxiety inducing and confusing as hell when we can't even agree on basic terms to describe ourselves.

I don't know how conscious BTS are of these conversations and so I've always viewed their use of labels such as boy/girl in their lyrics with utmost fascination given as there are trans genders within their community.

I often find myself wondering what Joonie means when he talks of girls- does he mean cis girls or trans girls? Would he date either or both?

Personally, I view Trans identity as a valid, separate unique form of identity, unique from Cis identity and not just as an epithet.

I date and definitely find trans girls romantically and sexually attractive especially if there's minimum trace of their cis masculinity in them.

But I have friends who identify as lesbians but wouldn't date trans girls regardless of how they present. Yet they wouldn't mind dating a stud or Masculine presenting females as long as they are Cis girls. Talk of transphobia💀

Some girls call me Bi because I like cis and other fems and I'm perfectly fine with it. However embracing that label in Male spaces gives me a lot of headaches because they just assume I'd date any man too.

I have dated fem tops (girly girls who like to be the dominant one in relationships and also prefer to penetrate other girls during sex) who identify as lesbians but have threesomes with gay men💀

I mean as long as they get to fuck those men or penetrate/ top them or so they say and yes I've seen it happen with my two eyes- I have gay threesomes don't judge or tell my pastor😥

I'm going to hell as it is no need to compound it🤧

My ex was like that. She dated a gay guy she was topping and was gonna marry him because her family was pressuring her to get married. The dude was closeted and their relationship was convenient until he came out and lowkey outed her in the process.

When I asked her if she was bisexual she said she didn't have a label because none suited her at the time and that she likes girls regardless of how those girls identify as. So a femboi, andro, trans girls, cis girls, straight girls, gay girls, as long as you feminine she likes.

I'm a bit like that too... minus the topping fembois and gays part💀

If I had a dick it would be useless 🤣

I say all this to say, labels are a bit tricky and a lot of people struggle to find the right fit.

Gay or queer is our go to label.

For the sake of the conversation we having, I'd define being Bi as liking your own gender plus the opposite of your gender but in an exclusive way. Being Bi also means the gender of a person matters to you in your determination of what you find attractive.

However being Pan means you place less emphasis on the gender of the person you are attracted to and more emphasis on the qualities those people possess- really doesn't matter what the other person is if you like em you like em. Which means a person don't gotta be cis or trans boy or girl or other for you to like them. They just have to have a certain quality you find attractive.

Just like you said, you being a girl find gurls attractive too but I don't think you'd be willing to date a girl- cis or trans- a person has to be Male for you to date them. Right?

That exclusivity is what makes you straight. You like one gender to the exclusion of others.

Gays and lesbians like one gender, the same gender, to the exclusion of others.

Bisexuals may like multiple genders, different genders, to the exclusion of others.

Pansexuals like multiple genders but not to the exclusion of others.

If Gender is important to you in determining who a suitable romantic partner is you are either Straight or Bi. If gender is not important to your determination of who a suitable partner is then you're pansexual.

Pansexuals are gender blind🤣

If Pansexuals are bisexuals, there should be a label for the category currently viewed as bisexuals.

When Suga says " I look at personality and it's not limited to girls" I believe he's talking about the qualities he finds attractive in PEOPLE.

When he sings boy or girl my tongue technology will send you to hongkong it carries a similar sentiment. He's saying basically it doesn't matter what you identify as he can make you orgasm under his- rap?

That's pan energy to me. You go pan Suga! BAPSAE AAAHHH🤭

IF he were queer then I'd assume he's more likely to be pan not bi- hypocritically speaking.

But he is NOT QUEER.

SOPE YOONMIN AND ANYSHIP INVOLVING SUGA IS NOT REAL or even likely to be.

Since we are both men, how can my heart throb for a man. This implies he believes his heart only has to throb for the opposite sex. Yea no he is definitely not bi.

Straight as an arrow this one.

He doesn't find men sexually or romantically attractive. He is not gay or bi and I don't think he wants to be.

I assume he's straight. I do.

And as a straight dude, he's certainly intriguing and I can see how certain actions of his make people queer read him especially in his dominant ships Sope and Yoonmin and Taegi.

But I don't think he goes out of his way to queer code himself.

And I see what you mean by the exaggerated speech. Rappers do trash talk, boast and talk shit in their music but they are also notoriously homophobic with the exception of a few. References of queerness in their lyrics are usually often used pejoratively to slur other rappers etc.

May be I'm too black, gay, and a woman to overlook the misogyny and homophobia that's traveled through Black American hip pop to elsewhere even if it takes on new family friendly labels such as Kpop or BTS.

I don't tend to read hiphop lyrics through non cis non straight non male lens. Unless of course it's from a queer artist but even that there's almost always something internalized.

It's fascinating how people look at a hip hop artist and glean their sexuality from their lyrics....

I'm dozing off. Will read over this tomorrow and add anything I might have missed.

GOLDY

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mogai-corvidae · 4 years ago

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is it ok for me to identify as voidpunk even if i haven’t had any hateful or bigoted or dehumanizing experiences? i’ve had a pretty good life, i just feel a connection to voidpunk because i’m neurodivergent and have some strange beliefs regarding society and i don’t like people, and i feel that this label and community feels comfortable.

i don’t want to offend anyone by participating in voidpunk when i haven’t been dehumanized, there’s nothing for me to reclaim. i just really like the idea. can i still identify with voidpunk?

Before we get into the nitty gritty of how we feel about this, I want to emphasize that no one can tell you who you are or what you can or cannot identify as. Ultimately your labels are your business, as long as you’re not deliberately using them in a harmful way, and the fact that you are asking these questions indicates that you do care about respecting these terms and communities. If you were hoping for solid answers, I’m afraid we can’t provide any. All we have to work with is our experience in the voidpunk community and using the voidpunk label. I hope this is helpful, at least.

The voidpunk community, in great part, is made up of neurodivergent people. We are autistic and ND in many other ways, and being ND is one of the largest influences that lead us to the community. I have long emphasized that voidpunk is primarily a community and label that is about reclaiming dehumanization, because that’s very true, but there’s some crucial pieces I think I’ve missed in how I’ve talked about it before. I don’t think people realize that dehumanization doesn’t just look one way. Our personal experiences of dehumanization and dehumanizing oppression have often been of the more blatant and “severe” variety, but those dramatic experiences weren’t the only ones, or even necessarily the most harmful. What has far greater contributed to our current identity and our experiences as a whole is not our more intense experiences of bigoted violence, but consistent experiences of subtle and pervasive ableism throughout society as a whole, and social attitudes about ND people and whether we are deserving of the human right of autonomy. These attitudes don’t just manifest in slurs and hate crimes; far more often they look like passive aggressive comments or systemic issues that are so baked into our every system that they’re near impossible to notice.

I’m not here to tell you what your experiences are, but I know as a neurodivergent person that moving through the world we currently living as ND is in and of itself dehumanizing. We also have many views about society and people in general that are often called “strange” or considered weird in some way, and this is largely because of how neurotypicals value autistic and ND thought. Us being neurodivergent doesn’t just result in direct and explicit ableism, it also results in more subtle and pervasive alienation and other less noticeable forms of oppression. Being neurodivergent means living in a world designed to exclude us, and the invisibility of ND people results in us fundamentally existing outside of the boundaries of what neurotypical people tend to understand as human. The way we think, feel, and express ourselves is often considered by neurotypicals to be outside of the realm of human possibility. Even when we are not literally facing hate crimes or life threatening bigotry, we constantly face isolation and other subtle dehumanization. This is an inescapable and unavoidable fact of living in an ableist society. You say you’ve never had any dehumanizing experiences, and obviously only you can say for sure what your own experiences are, but have you ever considered that dehumanization doesn’t always have to seem obviously bigoted and hateful? Do you know that it’s possible to never face any “extreme” bigotry, but to still be isolated and dehumanized by a society that devalues you as a human person?

I say this because the feelings you’ve described are very similar to many of our own. It is completely up to you how you label your experiences, but I think that there’s a reason you were drawn to the voidpunk label and feel so comforted by the community. The voidpunk community is a community of people who think and feel the way we do, in a way outside of the typical conceptualization of what it means to be human, and it’s very likely that you think and feel that way because you’ve experienced dehumanization without fully realizing or understanding it. A lot of experiences we’ve had with oppression or discrimination, we didn’t even realize were harmful until we were much older and went back to examine the situation further.

If you truly and completely believe that your experiences and feelings have nothing to do with dehumanizing oppression (though, again, I do think that’s a likely possibility, and it’s very possible to experience things like microaggressions or pervasive oppressive attitudes without realizing, also this is very common with ableism specifically) then it still is ultimately up to you to choose how to identify. It’s good that you acknowledge the community as being rooted in reclamation and I do think it’s important to remember and center those experiences as what makes the voidpunk community what it is, but at the same time your experiences generally sound very closely in line with the community and with our personal experiences. Ultimately, what specific trauma you have should not decide your place in an oppressed community, it’s whether or not you identify with it while recognizing and respecting its roots.

TLDR;If you feel comfortable in the community, go ahead. You’re the only one who can know what labels are right for you and your experiences. I’m certain everyone will welcome you. It’s certainly not a community I’d ever see anyone gatekeeping, and if you do see anyone try to gatekeep voidpunk let me know and I’ll send them a strongly worded message. /hj

#asks #anon

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a-room-of-my-own · 5 years ago

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Hi! Did you see the NewStasteman interview with Judith Butler? The way she framed the whole debate about gender is so depressing, I cannot believe it... And that's without going into the Rowling debate, the more I read about it on Twitter and tumblr and the most depressed I get. How can womanhood be reduced to a feeling anyone can claim?

https://www.newstatesman.com/international/2020/09/judith-butler-culture-wars-jk-rowling-and-living-anti-intellectual-times

I had not seen it so thank you for giving me the opportunity to read it. She’s really manipulative and that’s pretty scary honestly. I picked up a few examples to show you

“I want to first question whether trans-exclusionary feminists are really the same as mainstream feminists. (…) I want to first question whether trans-exclusionary feminists are really the same as mainstream feminists. (…)I think it is actually a fringe movement that is seeking to speak in the name of the mainstream, and that our responsibility is to refuse to let that happen.

It’s “our” responsibility to act on something she cannot prove? It’s quite easy to observe that trans-activists are an active minority within the feminist movement. On the other hand, it’s much harder to prove than most people support modern trans-activism in all its implications. She doesn’t give any source, proof or figures to support her claim but ask people to fight for it, nevertheless. That’s faith, not fact.

If we look closely at the example that you characterise as “mainstream” [the problem of men claiming to be trans to access women’s space] we can see that a domain of fantasy is at work, one which reflects more about the feminist who has such a fear than any actually existing situation in trans life.

Then again, no proof, when many gender critical bloggers have lists of dozens of examples of men using self-ID to access bathrooms, women’s shelters, women’s prisons, some of them sex offenders.

The feminist who holds such a view presumes that the penis does define the person, and that anyone with a penis would identify as a woman for the purposes of entering such changing rooms and posing a threat to the women inside. It assumes that the penis is the threat, or that any person who has a penis who identifies as a woman is engaging in a base, deceitful, and harmful form of disguise. This is a rich fantasy, and one that comes from powerful fears, but it does not describe a social reality.

That’s a lot of words to call women who are afraid of men “hysterical”. #sorority

Trans women are often discriminated against in men’s bathrooms, and their modes of self-identification are ways of describing a lived reality, one that cannot be captured or regulated by the fantasies brought to bear upon them. The fact that such fantasies pass as public argument is itself cause for worry.

Word salad that could be translated like this: our priority shouldn’t be protecting women from men, it should be accommodating men, because #notallmen are predators, so it would be very unfair to them, uwu. Men’s concerns should always be considered while women who are afraid are irrational.

I am not aware that terf is used as a slur.

I’m 99% sure that’s a lie, but okay.

I wonder what name self-declared feminists who wish to exclude trans women from women's spaces would be called? If they do favour exclusion, why not call them exclusionary?

Women who want to have spaces without men should be called exclusionary, because we define women based on their relationship with men and how they include them. Suuuuure.

If they understand themselves as belonging to that strain of radical feminism that opposes gender reassignment, why not call them radical feminists? My only regret is that there was a movement of radical sexual freedom that once travelled under the name of radical feminism, but it has sadly morphed into a campaign to pathologise trans and gender non-conforming peoples.

We’re not the ones telling you can cure a psychological problem with cross-sex hormones and amputations, but we are the one pathologizing trans and GNC people. That’s hi-la-rious.

My sense is that we have to renew the feminist commitment to gender equality and gender freedom in order to affirm the complexity of gendered lives as they are currently being lived.

Meaningless word salad > "women should let men redefine the word woman as they please"

Let us be clear that the debate here [between people who support JKR and others] is not between feminists and trans activists. There are trans-affirmative feminists, and many trans people are also committed feminists. So one clear problem is the framing that acts as if the debate is between feminists and trans people. It is not. One reason to militate against this framing is because trans activism is linked to queer activism and to feminist legacies that remain very alive today.

TLDR: Real feminist can only be trans-supporters.

Feminism has always been committed to the proposition that the social meanings of what it is to be a man or a woman are not yet settled. We tell histories about what it meant to be a woman at a certain time and place, and we track the transformation of those categories over time.

That’s gender for you Judith, not biological sex. Social identities vary, biological sex is a constant. Saying that isn't essentialism.

We depend on gender as a historical category, and that means we do not yet know all the ways it may come to signify, and we are open to new understandings of its social meanings. It would be a disaster for feminism to return either to a strictly biological understanding of gender or to reduce social conduct to a body part or to impose fearful fantasies, their own anxieties, on trans women...

“Women who are afraid of men are irrational” third instalment.

Their abiding and very real sense of gender ought to be recognised socially and publicly as a relatively simple matter of according another human dignity. The trans-exclusionary radical feminist position attacks the dignity of trans people.

Men are whoever they say they are, women are whoever men say they are.

One does not have to be a woman to be a feminist, and we should not confuse the categories. Men who are feminists, non-binary and trans people who are feminists, are part of the movement if they hold to the basic propositions of freedom and equality that are part of any feminist political struggle.

Many feminists consider that men can only be feminist allies, so the debate is clearly not settled.

When laws and social policies represent women, they make tacit decisions about who counts as a woman, and very often make presuppositions about what a woman is. We have seen this in the domain of reproductive rights. So the question I was asking then is: do we need to have a settled idea of women, or of any gender, in order to advance feminist goals?

Does “woman” need to have a *gasp* definition? Judith is saying it doesn’t. You’ll notice that she doesn’t say that anything about “man” not having a stable definition. She believes it’s possible to fight against misogyny while having no stable definition for what a woman is. Laughable.

I put the question that way… to remind us that feminists are committed to thinking about the diverse and historically shifting meanings of gender, and to the ideals of gender freedom. By gender freedom, I do not mean we all get to choose our gender. Rather, we get to make a political claim to live freely and without fear of discrimination and violence against the genders that we are.

Word salad > “we don’t get to choose our gender but we get to choose it I am very smart"

Many people who were assigned “female” at birth never felt at home with that assignment, and those people (including me) tell all of us something important about the constraints of traditional gender norms for many who fall outside its terms.

Many women have internalized misogyny and homophobia, which in turn had a huge impact on their sense of self and self-esteem, but that doesn’t mean they’re not women Judith. And I don’t think any woman who was forcefully married, who had her vulva mutilated for religious reasons, had to wear a veil since she was a toddler, or was sold as a child into prostitution ever “felt at home” with having been born a girl, you absolute unit.

Feminists know that women with ambition are called “monstrous” or that women who are not heterosexual are pathologised. We fight those misrepresentations because they are false and because they reflect more about the misogyny of those who make demeaning caricatures than they do about the complex social diversity of women. Women should not engage in the forms of phobic caricature by which they have been traditionally demeaned. And by “women” I mean all those who identify in that way.

That was going so well until the last sentence

I think we are living in anti-intellectual times, and that this is evident across the political spectrum.

JB, darling, just read your own word salad and get some self-awareness.

The quickness of social media allows for forms of vitriol that do not exactly support thoughtful debate. We need to cherish the longer forms.

Tell that to your supporters Miss I Wasn't Aware TERF Were A Slur.

I am against online abuse of all kinds. I confess to being perplexed by the fact that you point out the abuse levelled against JK Rowling, but you do not cite the abuse against trans people and their allies that happens online and in person.

Kindergarten argument, but sure. Also, yet again, no proof.

I disagree with JK Rowling's view on trans people, but I do not think she should suffer harassment and threats. Let us also remember, though, the threats against trans people in places like Brazil, the harassment of trans people in the streets and on the job in places like Poland and Romania – or indeed right here in the US.

“Threats against JKR are bad BUT have you seen what’s happening in Brazil?”. I’m sorry what? Also, could trans-activist please stop instrumentalizing Brazilian stats, since they reflect the situation of prostituted homosexual transsexuals ?

So if we are going to object to harassment and threats, as we surely should, we should also make sure we have a large picture of where that is happening, who is most profoundly affected, and whether it is tolerated by those who should be opposing it. It won’t do to say that threats against some people are tolerable but against others are intolerable.

NO ONE, literally NO ONE said that threats against trans people were acceptable. In fact, most, if not pretty much all threats, especially physical threats, don’t come from radical feminists, but from men. Basically, what she’s saying is “who cares about threats against JKR, trans people (men) matter more”.

If trans-exclusionary radical feminists understood themselves as sharing a world with trans people, in a common struggle for equality, freedom from violence, and for social recognition, there would be no more trans-exclusionary radical feminists.

♫ Kumbaya my Lord, Kumbaya ♪

It is a sad day when some feminists promote the anti-gender ideology position of the most reactionary forces in our society.

All radical feminists are right wingers, sure.

Anyway, it's terrible that this kind of article is taken seriously when it could be summed up as "women are irrational and hysterical, men can be women and redefine the word woman if they so wish"...

#Gender critical #Judith Butler #And that's sooo pompous #Way to hide the emptiness of your reasoning ma'am

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imaginedigimon · 5 years ago

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u got any lgbtq+ hcs for any of the main 12 adventure and 02 kids?

🤔 Hmm...

Now Anon, I’m warning you: I’m probably not going to give you what you want for this. But I’m going to try.

I REALLY HOPE I DON’T FUCK THIS UP, FRIENDS *stressing out a bit I will not lie*

LGBTQ+ Headcanons for 01 + 02 Gang

Tai [Taichi]

Doesn’t know the meaning of the word “straight” except in terms of line segments in math (but even then, he’s a little lost)

He probably saw the pride flag for the first time when he was 14 and because it reminded him of the Crests thought, “I CAN GET BEHIND THAT”

When he learned the real meaning of pride and the LGBTQ+ community, he was even more ecstatic

Has definitely beaten up some homophobes before

And transphobes

He’s beaten up a lot of people in general

Realized after a while that he’s pansexual himself and started painting his face with the pan flag everyday

Will not deny that he has a thing for Matt and Sora at the same time and is happy if they’re happy but would really like to kiss them both pls

Matt [Yamato]

He most certainly questioned his own gender for a while, though he can’t pinpoint when it started

Gabumon told him it didn’t matter what he identified as, they’d always be partners anyway, so that really helped him a lot

It also helped that Tai was willing to beat people’s asses for him

Has also beaten up some homophobes and transphobes (Tai has been the one to drag him away from some fights)

Wears pins of all the pride flags at all times because fuck you haters

Also would like to kiss Tai, just like once or twice or a million times

Identifies as bisexual most likely

Sora

Doesn’t mention it a lot, but Mimi was probably her first kiss (by accident...OR WAS IT?)

She was the type of person who, because she grew up in a very hetero-normative world, wasn’t sure what it meant to like a girl

Probably asked Tai when she was 15 and still thinking about Mimi’s hair and lips when he explained to her that it was perfectly normal

She never forgot that conversation

Has continuously questioned her identity and orientation throughout the years, though only Biyomon has been privy to this struggle

Finally settled on saying she’s queer because she’s not much for labels (especially when she’s in a constant state of questioning)

Definitely asked Mimi to kiss her again just so it wouldn’t be an accident

Izzy [Koshiro]

Always a kid before his time, knew how to explain all aspects of pride to everyone else before they even knew what the LGBTQ+ community was

Has PowerPoints to make things clearer

Around age 17 or 18, he started asking that everyone use he/him or they/them pronouns, and this hasn’t changed since

Everyone said “a’ight” because they love him no matter what

Has always had some kind of romantic feelings for just about everyone in the group, but nothing beyond that

This poor sweetie pie cried the night he realized he was asexual and called Joe, who said in the most intense voice he’d ever heard, “You think that matters to us? We love you, Izzy, and don’t you ever forget that”

Has decided Joe is the coolest guy ever

Started some social media account where it’s nothing but pictures of Tai with various pride symbols painted on his face and it’s blown up

Mimi

Unlike Sora, she didn’t think much about the kiss

She had already accepted that she liked girls by that point

Definitely had a crush on Yolei too, though she played it cool

YOU CANNOT TELL ME SHE DIDN’T CONSIDER MEIKO HER TRUE LOVE

Teases Izzy a lot because she has a bit of a crush on him too, though this confused her because she thought she liked girls

The day she learned the term homoflexible she thought she was dreaming

But she wasn’t

Still, Sora and Yolei and Meiko are her girls and she loves them very dearly

Has the same enthusiasm as Tai and paints the various flags on her face as well (became part of that social media account Izzy started)

You can catch her and Tai at a pride parade screaming at the top of their lungs

Joe [Jou/Jyou]

I’ll admit, he’s probably the token straight? But he’s also one of those guys who’s not afraid to tell Matt he looks handsome today

Has needed to ask Izzy a lot of questions because he’s like me and wants to know and not offend anyone because he’s ignorant or doesn’t know something

Had a moment similar to me where he wondered if he really was straight

Decided he still was, but would support anyone and everyone because that’s just the guy he is

You know how he becomes a doctor? He most CERTAINLY helps with transitioning whenever he can because he’s a GOOD. DOCTOR.

Doesn’t beat up haters, but gives them a death glare that’s just as effective

Wore around a rainbow doctor’s coat because he COULD and no one tried to stop him because they knew he’d quit on the spot

Takeru [T.K.]

Been the guy to say “respect LGBTQ+ rights or die by my sword” or something like that

Lowkey had a crush on Angemon and Angewomon simulanteously and could NOT for the life of him explain why that was

Never told either of them this though

Or Kari

Definitely didn’t tell Kari

Okay yes, Tai is his big brother, but he definitely had a crush on the guy for about 2 weeks before he met Kari and everything changed

Hasn’t told either of them this

Like Sora, has only said he identifies as queer - he’d like to figure it out/delve deeper but is too busy flirting with everyone to care

Brings 5 different dates to his brother’s concerts at the same time and they all have to vie for his attention - it’s usually whoever says the most positive things about his brother

Has done at least 6 drag shows so far and let me tell you - KILLS IT every time

Kari is his forever girl but keeps winking at Ken just to make him blush

Kari [Hikari]

Also had a crush on Angewomon like how could she NOT

Also had crushes on Matt, Izzy, Mimi, and Sora (but not Joe for some reason)

When she realized her feelings for T.K. she got really really nervous (because of all his dates, you see)

Was also confused because she was pretty confused about her range of crushes over the years

Tai came out as pan to her first and she realized that sounded a lot like her

She’s a pan baby and she’s proud of it (and thanks her brother for supporting her)

Gave a rainbow pin to T.K. for his birthday and in return he kissed her

They go to ALL the pride events and nothing can stop them

Occasionally uses they/them pronouns on days she’s questioning

Davis [Daisuke]

Tai was his first love and you cannot change my mind about this

Meeting Kari was like meeting a Tai Who Would Notice Him and that was pretty rad

But he also likes her because of her, too

The world kinda stopped when he met Ken, though

Like damn, look at those soccer skills

I’m gonna be real, I think Davis is soccersexual (or footballsexual for non-Muricans)

Them soccer players be really hot though

Always has questions about the community, but never retains the answers

The PowerPoints, unfortunately, do not help

Eventually gave up and said, “I’M A DUMBASS BUT I SUPPORT YOU ALL”

They tried to tell him he should at least know what he’s talking about

(We’re still working on that)

Wears rainbow shirts with rainbow pants and it’s very atrocious but very appreciated

He is gay. He sometimes does crimes. We accept him anyway.

[T.K. asked him if he wanted to go to a drag show, he said “okay?” and really really loved it now he goes all the time]

Yolei [Miyako]

Mimi is hot, Ken is hot, Kari is hot, Matt’s kinda hot, everyone’s hot

She’s never been able to fully accept this because how is everyone so hot

Mimi was her first love, and Ken was her first boyfriend

She never forgot the firsts

Attracted to any and everyone it seems

She likes to call herself a frying pan and it makes everyone facepalm a little bit

Constantly dresses in the colors on the pan flag because she looks GOOD in them and it’s a way to remind everyone not to mess with her or her community

Tries to pretend she doesn’t know Mimi and Tai when she’s at a pride event and they’re out here acting like fools

But she also loves how unerringly supportive they are

Cody [Iori]

He was the first one everyone came out to, like for some reason he’s that guy

Literally the first person to offer you support

One day he told everyone he was transgender, and while they were surprised, they also didn’t react the way he was expecting

They actually hugged him immediately and said, “But don’t worry we love love love you” and Tai started painting the trans flag on Cody’s face until Cody said, “Guys please fuck off for a sec”

When he becomes a lawyer, he becomes the type of lawyer to defend anyone who was arrested on basis of race/identity/orientation/gender like the boss he is

Suspects he might be ace but hasn’t really delved into it much

He’s too busy scolding Davis for doing dumb things

Ken

Can everyone stop being hot for a sec? -direct quote from Ken himself

He’s in love with all the 02 kids and he’s accepted this

Yolei somehow stole his heart, but T.K.’s winks send it aflutter

He wants them both to stop (but they won’t)

Was completely unaware that Davis also liked him (even though it was really obvious?)

He identifies as bi and, like Izzy, uses they/them pronouns interchangeably with he/him

One of the good detectives on the force. Will bust your ass if you say any offensive slurs about anyone. [Has gotten suspended a few times for doing this BUT IT WAS FUCKING WORTH IT.]

Always the one on duty when Davis gets arrested for his crimes and it’s hecka exhausting

---------

Uhm... did I do good? I’ll admit, I was a little nervous since I myself am straight and cisgender (or cishet, as I’ve learned is the term) 😥 😥

Anon, I really do hope I did a good job!

And if I didn’t you can roast me in the flames of Meramon Hell

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livebloggingmydescentintomadness · 5 years ago

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there's a difference between general usage and calling a specific person who hasn't said they're okay with it derogatory terms to do with their marginalization, or what you think is their marginalization (which frankly isn't cool to be speculating about at all). calling a specific woman a bitch, a schizophrenic person crazy, an autistic person stupid, a sex worker a whore, etc, is not okay, and neither is calling real queer men fruity. people saying things like 'crazy,' 'crackhead,' 'whore,' etc

in general, but i called you on it here because--again--you are using homophobic language against /specific real people on the basis of their (supposed) identities,/ & acting like it's fine bc it's a joke & 'not that bad.' that is on a whole other level. i can't stop you--in the end it's up to you whether to continue making excuses, or pull up & examine your actions--but i'm telling you right now that you /are/ being homophobic. you can't say you didn't know better now; it's on you. i'm done.

hey, my problem with you right now is not the content of what you’re saying, but that i am trying to have a discussion with you in a calm, rational way about this, and it seems like you’re acting as though i’m being a completely unreasonable asshole. i’m not trying to argue, i’m trying to figure this out.

yeah, i get what you’re saying, but when i’m also provided with contradictory opinions on a topic i’m not necessarily well-versed in, i am not just going to immediately side with one of them, especially when it seems to be a complex issue. in my last answer i asked my followers, is ‘fruit’ a word that makes you uncomfortable? because i genuinely wanted to know, and so far i’ve had 5 people say that it’s fine/it’s funny/it doesn’t bother them at all, and 3 people, not including you, say that it makes them uncomfortable either in general or in specific usage.

so what that tells me is that this is a more complicated thing than i realized, which deserves to be talked about, because neither side is inherently right or wrong. i am definitely not here to tell anyone “stop being offended by a derogatory word, it’s not even that bad” but i’m also not going to tell anyone they’re wrong for not being offended or that they must censor themselves.

on the one hand, some people find being able to joke about things a really positive aspect of the queer community. laughing, even sometimes about something as dark as homophobia, relieves tension.

but on the other, there are certain behaviors that are getting out of control. @nilescranephd left a comment on my last reply, which reads, “it’s more that it is used constantly at the moment. it’s more that it is used towards misha and jensen the actors. it’s more that this is coming from a majority non gay male fandom perspective. i get it. i am trans. i make these jokes too. but i don’t make it the entire personality of my online content. i don’t say, for instance as i saw someone say yesterday, ‘i want to be homophobic to him so bad’ and for someone to reply ‘you really summed up perfectly how misha makes me feel’ on a video.” (and several other comments, which i think raise really good points.)

and that is extremely correct. that is really out of line, because sometimes good, positive jokes can go too far and become way too crass and derogatory. i don’t like that behavior at all and i would want that called out whenever i see it.

but, it is not possibly an overreaction to say that because joking CAN go too far, ALL joking is going too far? i’m legitimately not saying that to cover my own ass, because again, i’m not trying to be one of those “i have the right to say slurs” kind of people. ever since i saw people start using fruity i’ve been wondering where the lines on it are, if it’s something that i personally am been allowed to say or not.

if you think i’m being an argumentative, pedantic asshole who just wants to say whatever i want to say, please understand that i’m autistic and this is just how my brain works. i need to figure out the ‘why’s of things to do them properly, and talking things out and examining from all sides helps me do that. i’m not just trying to defend myself, i am trying to understand this issue in its entirety so i can figure out my place in it and how i should react to it in the future.

what i’m getting so far is that some people think it’s bad and slightly more people think it’s totally fine, but there is a significant problem of people who think it’s fine going too far and crossing lines.

to err on the safe side, i will refrain from saying it in the future, and i sincerely apologize to anyone who might have been made uncomfortable by me saying it once. but i feel conflicted on the concept of across-the-board refusing to reblog things with fruity in it, because it seems like something we haven’t quite figured out and should probably be judged on a case-by-case basis depending on the overall sense of the post.

i think this is a conversation that definitely needs to be had, and i’m not the one to lead it in any way, but i’ll keep a look out for what other people have to say.

#anonymous #ask

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newhologram · 4 years ago

Text

Now that I'm once again committing to being openly #trans, stepping out of the rain and under the umbrella that used to keep me dry, I wrote something up for family, friends, and followers who may have questions:

Dear family, friends, and Holograms: Thank you for your kind messages. Even though most of you already knew this about me for so long, it feels so good to be more public, to be a voice just by being me, and to have your support. It's amazing to me to see that many of you have stepped into the role of an ally and are willing to learn more.

I'm writing this up to maybe offer some clarifications on things relating to trans identity in general but mostly my personal experience with gender. It's my hope that this will give you a template to work from. I don't want anyone to be so worried about offending me that they don't know how to talk to/about me. I want this to be comfortable for all of us. This is only my experience of gender at this time, so please remember that if you meet another trans/nb person, they will likely have a completely different experience than me.

Let's start with queer, which is an umbrella term for anyone who is not cisgender and/or heterosexual. It can be a useful label for someone who is not interested in having to spell out both their sexual/romantic orientation and their gender identity every time (it can get complicated even for us). Some of us might not fit neatly into the letters of LGBTQIA (notice it contains Q still) so this is the reason some people are comfortable with the label. Sometimes we do fit into the acronym, but queer is inclusive and we like it. It's also what's often used in academia. Queer history, queer literature, queer art, etc. Freddie Mercury is often referred to as a queer icon for example. Now, it can be a regional thing, as in some parts of America, queer is not considered a reclaimed slur (since it means "weird") like it is for say, a lot of Californians. While some of us feel empowered to own being "different" or "weird" while fighting for representation and rights, others may object to being called "not normal". Ultimately it's always up to the individual to decide what they are comfortable calling themselves, not what other people should be allowed to call themselves. I was always the weird kid and I have so much trauma around that and as an adult I'm like... yeah, you know what, I'm queer and proud. Now onto gender which is the focus of this post: transgender is an umbrella term. Trans as a prefix means "across" or "beyond", so transgender people have experiences and identities across or beyond gender. Non-binary is a gender identity under the trans umbrella. It refers to identities that are not strictly within the binary of man or woman. Non-binary itself is another umbrella term for many different genders such as agender (without gender), pangender (all genders), genderfluid (gender that shifts and changes), and many more. Gender is complex and varied across cultures and societies, so that's why there are so many different ways to describe it. Some may feel that not just one word works for their experience, so they may choose multiple labels or maybe even none at all. AFAB (assigned female at birth) and AMAB (assigned male at birth) is a way to describe what our assigned sex is without using "biological" or "born a (sex/gender)" as this is often used to invalidate trans experience --however, a lot of trans people who have transitioned may find it helpful to describe their experience as "born (and raised as) a girl" (again, up to the individual). We are all assigned sexes at birth but this obviously has no bearing on our gender identity or expression.

When I was a teen, "transsexual" was commonly used to describe a transgender person who transitioned, but this has fallen mostly out of use by now--But remember that being trans is not just about medically transitioning to another sex. There are many trans/nb people who do not transition, or who may make changes here and there to make their bodies more comfortable and fit their identity without necessarily transitioning. Whether or not this is a transition is going to be up to the individual. The social transition of coming out as trans/nb can be just as drastic as anything medical. (For those wondering why it even matters when celebrities come out as trans/nb if they aren't going to "change their bodies"--Visibility and authenticity. Just like I'm doing.)

Now on to me: I cannot accurately or concisely describe my lived experience of gender since it's informed every other experience of my life, but I will try. I'm NB and I definitely don't feel like a woman, but this doesn't necessarily mean I feel like a man either. "Boy" and "girl" do feel more relatable and accessible for some reason. I feel simultaneously and alternatingly like either, both, neither, all, any, and also just me.

Like I said, I can't really describe it. But for whatever reason, "boy", especially "feminine boy" has always felt more like my default energy. Don't ask me why, it is what it is. When I put on makeup, I never feel like a girl doing it even if I'm consciously exploring an archetype like "flapper girl" for example. It has always felt like princess drag to me. People were clocking me on this even when I tried to be a normal "girl". I often wonder if this is why I always felt so ugly before and now when I fully embody my gender as it is, I suddenly feel beautiful and comfortable. I feel closest to feminine or fluid archetypes, it's just how I express myself. This would not change if I were AMAB, I'd be just as feminine. I'd still be the same me.

Pronouns, for me: I can't say that my feelings on this will stay the same forever, but for now, I'm okay with any and all pronouns. I have some longtime followers who refer to me as he/him and that's amazing and so affirming!! *chef's kiss* But it's totally okay to use she/her with me too. Because I am aligned with feminine archetypes, I can't resist using she/her for myself often especially if I'm all dressed up in kawaii drag. They/them is also acceptable. This also goes for it being okay to refer to me as either a girl or a boy (or gendered family relation terms. But like, I'm Mommy to my cats, not Daddy xD)--Even though I'm not strictly one or the other, I feel all genders. While I agree with the common AFAB feeling of it being frustrating that she/her/girl/woman is always going to be considered my default by most people, and that this is/was a source of a lot of my gender dysphoria, I promise you won't offend me by referring to me as such. Often when speaking out my experience of being perceived as a woman, I might refer to myself as such because I'm talking about the way I am interacted with. (ie, it's okay to DM me like "HEY GIRL:･ﾟ✧ but the only way you’ll actually offend me is to insist I am “just a girl”/invalidate my lived experience/try to dictate my identity and labels)

It's still hard for me to share this very vulnerable part of my identity, even after having talked about it for 10 years online and with friends already. I'm probably going to keep having waves of anxiety over this as I shift into living daily life from the truest expression of myself. It really is enough for now to have you recognizing and acknowledging this very special big part of who I am and how I live. To be able to say it now everywhere and not just on my blog feels like a new universe being born. In closing, here are examples if that was too much information to ingest and understand all at once and you're not sure what words to use when referring to me: "This is my [family member], she's queer." "This is my friend New's page, he's non-binary." "This is my coworker's art, she's genderfluid." "This is a blogger I follow, they're pangender." "New is a trans model, this is his latest work." These labels and pronouns are all fine! :> I love you all. Thank you for letting me shine.

#teku #personal #gendery wendery #long post #this is written mostly for my family members who want to be allies #just thought it would help them a lot #and save me time explaining to everyone xD

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gettin-bi-bi-bi · 5 years ago

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Do you think wlw are allowed to say the f slur? I think we are but someone else I know says we arent.

Like... what are we talking about here? wlw self-identifying with that word? My stance is if someone relates to a term and identifies with it then that’s got to be for a reason and I don’t see why a wlw shouldn’t be allowed to call herself a fag. (EDIT: there’s literally girlfags and guydykes. those identities exist. people identify that way. so... end of discussion about wlw self-identifying with “fag”.)

But I guess you mean “are wlw allowed to say the word at all?” and again: of course they are because it’s not inherently malicious.

The real problem I have with all of these discussions though (and being asked those questions) is this idea that there is an authority somewhere that gets to decide which queer people are allowed to do/say what. This always boils down to policing of queer identities, queer language, queer behaviour. I’m not that authority and nobody else is either.

But my personal opinion is that everyone can say everything. No word is inherently bad. Because know what? Whether a word is “okay to say” or not depends a lot on the speakers intention and not only on historical context or dictionary definition of the word. For example: Just because someone is a gay man doesn’t mean he cannot use “fag” in a derogatory way. Internalised homophobia is a thing and just because you belong to a marginalised group doesn’t mean you cannot be a bitch towards that same group. And just because someone is sapphic (or even cis straight) doesn’t mean that saying the word “fag” is inherently meant in a negative way. Maybe the person you’re refering to as a fag has specifically said they like it. Maybe you’re making a stupid joke because being queer can be tough and we could all use some dark humour sometimes to cope. Maybe someone just asked your opinion on the usage of certain slurs and at some point in the past you have made the conscious decision to not censor those words because censoring words goes against some fundamental core values of yours so you write out “fag” instead of “f**” or “f slur” even though you’re a bisexual woman. (see what I did there?)

Some people will always be offended by certain words. Queerphobes are offended by every letter in LGBTQIA+. Some people are still/again vehemently against any reclamation of “queer”. Every word has the potential to be used in a derogatory way if the speaker has malicious intentions.

That doesn’t mean you should be careless about the use of some words, so please don’t take this the wrong way. You should be reasonably respectful towards others when they have expressed discomfort about a word (in this case I assume that those who have trauma connected to “fag” have taken necessary precautions that tumblr offers in order to filter the post out of their feed). But you shouldn’t censor yourself and you should stop treating queer discourse like there is some authority figure that’ll eventually cast their judgement and then everyone will have to follow their lead.

As much as some people (gatekeepers, exclusionists, radfems) like to hold up their DIY Sheriff stars there really isn’t a queer police and nobody has the right to tell you what words you are allowed to say or not. And nobody has a right to claim they know your intentions behind why you used a certain word better than you do.

Maddie

#now I wonder if this is also a US American thing?#because Americans are so used to having words censored in media #Anonymous

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unfolded73 · 5 years ago

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Kitchen Gossip (1/1) - schitt’s creek ff

Yesterday Jen Gunter published a piece in the New York Times celebrating the WAP, and so I guess somehow Jen Gunter and Cardi B led indirectly to this, the little fic that pushed me over 1,000,000 words on ao3.

Rated Teen, 1452 words. David stumbles into some girl talk with Marcy and her sisters. (ao3)

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

David picks up the pinot noir bottle and upends it over his glass and… nothing.

He can probably do without another glass of wine. If he stops drinking now, he’ll be stone cold sober by bedtime and will thus be best-positioned to seduce his husband, the fact that they are sleeping in Patrick’s childhood bedroom down the hall from Patrick’s parents during this visit notwithstanding.

A cheer erupts from the living room.

On the other hand, Patrick is going to be watching hockey with his relatives until late, and David’s got just enough of a buzz going that another glass of wine will make the next couple of hours much less boring.

He sets the empty bottle down and goes into the kitchen in search of another.

Marcy has wine bottles lined up on the counter, and David sets his glass down, grabbing one and peeling the foil away.

“Mom told me once that I wouldn’t be that interested in sex after menopause, but I’m not finding that to be the case,” a woman behind David says surprisingly loudly, given the topic.

He doesn’t want to whip around and stare at the person speaking, so he focuses on inserting the corkscrew and twisting it. He didn’t look over at the women clustered in the kitchen when he came in, but he’s pretty sure that’s Patrick’s Aunt Laura talking.

“Well, Mom was probably just as happy to have an excuse not to have sex. She never talked like it was something she enjoyed.” That’s Marcy talking now. About Patrick’s dearly departed grandmother’s sex life. Not a topic David expected to hear anyone talking about during this visit to his in-laws’ house. Or, you know, ever.

The women are giggling to themselves as David deftly extracts the cork from the wine bottle. “God rest her soul, but she may have thought the female orgasm was a myth.” He supposes, from context, that this is the younger of Marcy’s sisters talking. Jennifer. The short one who makes the Nanaimo bars that he’d be willing to commit unspeakable crimes for.

“Or she just didn’t want to let us in on the secret in case we ran out and lost our virginities in high school,” Marcy says, and the women laugh.

“It was too late for me by the time she started lecturing me about it,” Jennifer says as David fills his glass.

“David!” calls Laura, the oldest sister. Wincing, he turns around, expecting her to tease him for inadvertently bumbling into this private sisterly conversation. “Bring that wine over here; I need a refill.”

He does as instructed, shooting Marcy a look that he hopes is apologetic for intruding on her bonding time with her sisters. She smiles and waves her hand to dismiss his apology, and when he finishes topping off Laura’s glass, Marcy holds hers out as well. He ends up emptying the bottle, between himself and the three sisters who are gossiping in the kitchen.

“Yeah,” Laura says to Jennifer, “You could fill a book with the stuff that Mom didn’t teach us about sex.” Continuing as if he’s not still standing there. So David starts to turn and go.

“Did your parents teach you about sex, David?” Jennifer, the youngest, asks him. Her lips are stained red with the wine, and he’s guessing she’s had at least as many glasses as he has. Maybe more.

He tilts his head to the side and tries to answer honestly. “Mm. They weren’t shy about talking about sex around me. There wasn’t any shame about it. But ‘teach’ is probably the wrong word. They never sat me down and had a ‘talk’.” He makes air quotes with his one free hand.

Marcy and her sisters are hanging on his every word, nodding in sympathy, and it’s disconcerting but also kind of nice.

“When I was eleven, my mother had her hairdresser Evan talk to me?” He shudders a little. “I guess because he was gay and she I assumed I was too.” He waves his hand to try to shoo that memory away. “But it was kind of horrifying. In retrospect, not appropriate topics for an eleven year old.” He sips his wine.

“Did Mom tell you that oral sex was unsanitary?” Jennifer asks her older sisters.

Marcy raises her eyebrows. “I don’t think she ever mentioned to me that it existed.”

“I’m not sure which is worse,” Jennifer says, and then shakes her head. “No, mine is worse. It kind of gave me a complex about it. I had to get over the idea that it was dirty. The idea that no man would want to put his mouth… you know. Down there.”

David blinks, and wonders if he should try to slink away before these women (who include his mother-in-law) remember that he’s standing there listening to them talking about mouths and vaginas. But also, he has something to contribute to this conversation, and the alcohol has vanished the filter between his brain and his mouth.

“To be fair to your mother, the culture instills in women a lot of that shame. There are all these products telling women they don’t smell good or taste good or that they’re too wet or not wet enough…” Oh god. Did all of that just come out of his mouth? In front of Marcy?

But all of them are nodding at his sage words. “David, you’re so right,” Laura says. “I had to talk to my daughter about that. She’d gotten this idea that her labia of all things should look a certain way. From porn, I guess.”

“As if we don’t have enough pressure from the media about our visible body parts,” Marcy says, taking a big drink from her wine glass.

“I mean, you aren’t going to be putting your mouth down there on any women anyway, are you, David?” Laura slurs, elbowing him in the ribs.

“Well, not now,” he says, tipsy enough not to be offended by the assumptions of his… aunt-in-law? Is that a thing? “But I’m pansexual, so I enjoyed doing that in my day.”

Laura, meanwhile, is drunk enough to be unphased and unashamed. “Oh, I thought you were gay.”

“Well, it just goes to show you can’t make assumptions about sexual orientation based on how someone acts,” he explains easily. “My hockey-loving, beer-drinking husband in there only enjoys sex with men, while for me, gender doesn’t figure in to who I’m attracted to.”

Jennifer takes another sip of her wine. “I might have been bisexual…” She looks at David. “Or pansexual. If it had occurred to me to explore any of that before I married Eric.”

David smiles at her. “Your sexual identity doesn’t have to align with who you’re sleeping with. You can be bi or pan and still be in a monogamous relationship with a man.” He gestures up and down at himself, the dregs of his wine sloshing dangerously. “Case in point.”

She nods but looks uncertain. He wants to hug her and take her by the hand and guide her into the wonderful world of queer identities, because it’s never too late. Reining himself in from any inappropriate demonstrations of affection, David drinks and then looks down at his wine glass, surprised that it’s already empty.

“We need more wine!” Laura says, and she’s going over this time to open a bottle.

“So what did Mom tell you?” Jennifer asks Marcy.

Marcy sighs. “That I would regret it if I didn’t save myself for marriage. And that part of being married was, you know. It was the whole wifely duty thing.” She rolls her eyes. “Fortunately, I knew better than to listen to any of that.”

A part of David is intensely curious to know more, but he has just enough sense not to ask Marcy to elaborate. He holds his glass out to let Aunt Laura fill it.

“So your parents assumed you were gay and then you had to… what? Come out to them that you also liked women?” Laura asks.

David leans back against the counter and nods. “That is almost exactly what happened, yes.”

The women nod at him, the overly aggressive agreement of drunk people. “That must have been difficult in its own way,” Marcy says.

“Well, we all have our crosses to bear,” David says.

~*~

“How did you get so drunk, is the question,” Patrick says, putting a glass of water and a couple of headache pills on the bedside table next to David.

“It was your mother’s fault,” David groans. “She and your aunts were talking about your grandmother’s sex life, and things kind of went downhill from there.”

Patrick puts his hands on his hips. “Ew, David.”

#schitt's creek #schitt's creek ff #schitt's creek fic #marcy brewer #my fic

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bennguintweets · 5 years ago

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One Shot: Stupid Love

Requested by anon: “Can u do a short little thingy set when Tyler & Jamie were still playing and Jamie takes a really dirty hit while Tyler is on the bench just watching? Like Jamie is too injured to retaliate so Jordie and a few others come to his defense but maybe tell the story from Tyler's pov because he can hear the other player yelling homophobic slurs at Jamie while he's down? Bonus points if said player looks right at Tyler while insulting Jamie cause he "knows" about the 2 of them?”

Author’s Note: While I did use some factual information, the dialogue is completely fabricated by yours truly to fit the prompt. Please remember that and do not hold grudges against players who seemed cruel in this one shot. Someone had to be the bad guy, and this was just how it played out in my head. Also, big thank you to my good friend who improved the ish out of my grammar before I posted this, because it needed some serious work. Sorry it’s been a year to date since I wrote my last one shot. Life, man, it’s cray. Enjoy!

~~~~~

Jamie heard a quick rap of knuckles on his hotel room door. It startled him, as he wasn’t expecting anyone, but by the rhythm of the knock, he already knew who was on the other side of it.

“Hey, Mom, I gotta go. I’ll talk to you soon. Okay, love you, too. Bye.” Jamie tapped his phone screen with his thumb to end the call before lightly jogging to the door. He checked through the peephole just to confirm the identity of his visitor. He was, in fact, correct but frowned slightly by the disheveled appearance of his friend who was normally beaming at all times.

When Jamie opened the door, however, he received a completely different expression, as Tyler was giving Jamie his infamous smirk now.

“Hey, Segs?” He didn’t mean for it to come out like it was a question.

“Whatcha doing?” Tyler asked while brushing past Jamie to enter the room.

“Sure, come on in,” Jamie teased and rolled his eyes while letting the door shut on its own. “Just got off the phone with my mom.” By the time Jamie turned around to face Tyler, he was already cozied up in Jamie’s bed.

“Wow, you’re having a crazy night,” Tyler smirked, scrolling through his phone with his feet crossed at the foot of Jamie’s bed. Jamie observed Tyler closely. Even though he was still standing by the door, he could see that Tyler’s cheeks were flushed and his skin was paler than usual.

“She always calls to make sure the flight went smoothly. We never travelled much growing up. Didn’t need to really. So she gets nervous now that I fly all the time,” Jamie explained. His cheeks heated in embarrassment immediately after his ramble because Tyler didn’t acknowledge him. He likely thought Jamie was lame, or weird. Probably both, actually.

“But, the night is still young. Want to go somewhere?” Jamie asked in a hopeful voice, feeling the need to redeem himself.

“No, actually I, uh…kinda wanted to hang out here with you… if that’s okay?” Tyler asked shyly. Jamie had never seen Tyler like this before, and he wasn’t quite sure what to do.

“Oh, um, sure,” Jamie hummed, unable to keep the surprised tone out of his voice.

Tyler sighed and shook his head. “Sorry, this is… stupid. I can go. I’m sure you want your alone time. I didn’t mean to interrupt.” Tyler sat up straight, swinging his legs over the side of the bed to push himself up. But before he could finish standing up, Jamie was over at his side with a hand on his bicep to stop him.

“Hey, no. I want you… to hang out. I just thought you were… never mind.” Jamie mentally kicked himself for not being able to formulate a sentence like a normal person, so he thought it would be best to stick with simplicity. “Sit,” he hummed and gently guided Tyler back down onto his bed.

“You sure?” Tyler asked, looking up at Jamie through his eyelashes. He looked like a kicked puppy that was hesitant to trust again. It took everything Jamie had not to wrap Tyler in a big hug to make it better, whatever it was.

It was hard for Jamie to explain his feelings for Tyler. Jamie’s never liked another guy before, but he’s also never had a girlfriend. He just figured he hadn’t met the right girl yet. But when Jamie had met Tyler, he’d started questioning things. He would never admit that to another soul, not even his brother, Jordie. It was just… Tyler was like a beam of light to Jamie. Whenever Jamie saw him, he suddenly felt so warm inside, and when Tyler smiled, Jamie swore he’d never seen anything so radiant in his entire life. He loved every minute they spent together, especially those accidentally-on-purpose moments where their arms or legs brushed against one another on the couch. Jamie lived for that, for all of that, and he loved it so much.

“Of course.” Jamie sat down next to him. They sat there in silence for what seemed like hours, staring at the muted TV with their elbows pressed up against one another. The Pens-Flyers game was on, but neither of them were really watching it. Jamie could see Tyler playing with the hem of his shirt out of the corner of his eye. Seeing Tyler in the dumps was throwing Jamie for a loop. He knew he should say something, anything.

“Hey, Jamie?” Tyler asked, his voice sounded soft and somewhat vulnerable. Jamie was relieved he didn’t have to be the one to break the silence.

“Yeah?”

Tyler stayed silent, so Jamie turned his head to look him in the eyes. Only Tyler’s eyes were cast down towards his lap, eyebrows knitted together.

“Do you think I’m… trouble?”

“What? No. Why would-“

“Do you think I’m worth the hassle?”

“Hey, what are you even saying right now? Where is this coming from?” Jamie asked, quickly realizing that was a dumb question. They were in Boston, and it was the first time Tyler had been back since the trade. Of course Tyler would be distraught. Jamie had thought Tyler would meet up with his old teammates and go to dinner and drinks. He had friends on that team, right? Suddenly, it clicked in Jamie’s head. He couldn’t believe how oblivious and stupid he had been.

“Did someone say something to you?” Jamie asked. His mood was quickly changing from concern to protective. He could feel anger starting to bubble in his chest.

“No. The opposite.” Tyler frowned even deeper. “No one called me, Jamie. Not a single guy asked to hang out tonight. Not even, Marchy. I thought… I don’t know.” Tyler sighed and rubbed his forehead in frustration.

“Maybe, they were told not to?” Jamie tried to be the voice of reason, but he knew the minute it came out of his mouth that it sounded ridiculous and Tyler didn’t buy it. Tyler brought his eyes up to meet Jamie’s. He hated that he could see the pain in them.

“Look, Tyler. Fuck what they think.” Jamie paused when he saw the shocked expression on Tyler’s face. Shit, Jamie even surprised himself with the sudden outburst. He wanted Tyler to know he was being genuine. That he cared. Jamie took a breath to finish what he was going to say in a much softer tone. “It’s their loss.”

“You mean that?” Tyler asked, his voice still quiet, vulnerable.

“Yes.” He was looking into Tyler’s eyes, so Tyler could see the genuineness in them. He figured Tyler would break eye contact when he was satisfied, but they were well past the three-second rule now. Jamie’s stomach started flipping nervously, so he decided to change the mood in the room.

“Now stop pouting.”

“I’m not pouting,” Tyler said, giving Jamie his best mock-offended look.

“You are pouting, but you should be excited,” Jamie stated matter-of-factly.

“And why is that?”

“Because you’re hanging out with me.”

“Oh, is that so?” Tyler chuckled and raised an amused eyebrow.

“Yes, and take your shoes off. If you get my bed dirty, then you’re sleeping in it.” Jamie said before unmuting the TV. He could see Tyler smiling at him out of the corner of his eye. Finally.

~~~~~

Tyler was in his own world, blasting music in his ears through his headphones to drown out the thoughts and nerves he had about stepping onto his former home ice. The whole thing was weird to him, being in the opposing locker room in Boston, but also feeling at home with the people surrounding him despite only knowing them a couple months. He tried desperately to listen to the words of the song, but the harder he tried, the louder his thoughts became. He just wasn’t sure what kind of reception he’d receive from the Bruins fans, coaches, and players, and that was the worst part. He wished it would be one of those feel-good moments with a standing ovation and a tribute video played on the jumbotron for the entirety of the arena to see his accomplishments during his time in Boston. However, he fully expected to be booed every time he stepped foot onto the ice because of the negativity surrounding his departure from the city.

“Fuck it,” Tyler thought to himself. “Who cares what they think?” He and Jamie’s talk last night served as a reminder that he was in fact in a much better place now. He really didn’t know what he would do without Jamie through all of this change and hardship. Jamie had been the first one to greet Tyler when he’d touched down in Dallas after the trade, had never judged him before getting to know him, and had made the new city feel like home quicker than Tyler could have ever imagined. Jamie understood Tyler like nobody else. He was a godsend.

“Shit,” Tyler hissed and yanked his ear buds out. He didn’t even realize he was biting his nails until he bit too far down on his thumb. He sucked on it to relieve himself of the stinging pain, but the taste of iron from the blood quickly became evident on his tongue.

“Hey. You okay?” came a soft voice in the stall next to him. He knew Jamie was keeping a close eye on him since last night. He hadn’t told him about his little episode that had caused him to nervous-puke his brains out, but Jamie was a quiet observer. He figured Jamie knew he had had a rough night before going over to his room, which was probably why he had let Tyler sleep in his bed after passing out in the middle of the movie they’d watched. Tyler had been surprised to find Jamie asleep next to him when he woke up to his alarm the following morning, but they were a good distance apart in the king-sized bed, nothing weird about it. Unless Jamie could read Tyler’s mind and saw just how hard Tyler was crushing on him. Then, that would’ve made the situation much more awkward. But, Jamie didn’t need to know that. Not yet at least.

“Yeah m’fine,” Tyler sighed, wrapping some stick tape around his thumb to stop the bleeding. Jamie probably knew that was a lie, but he was also too nice to prod and call him out on it.

“Just you and me out there, yeah?” Jamie said, giving an encouraging tap to Tyler’s thigh.

“Yeah.” Tyler nodded, and he believed it.

~~~~~

Tyler would be lying if he said he didn’t hear the crowd when he first stepped onto the ice for warm-ups. There were lots of boos, but he spotted a couple posters welcoming him back to Boston. It was just about how he expected the reception to go, and now that the first lap around the ice was over, he could put the anxiety behind him and focus on the game at hand.

Tyler was going through his usual warm up routine; he was a creature of habit like most NHL players. While stretching out his legs at the center red line that separated the two teams, Tyler saw a yellow and black jersey headed his way out of his peripheral.

“What’s up, Seggy? You miss me?”

“Can’t say I have, Marchy.” Tyler was smiling, but inside he kind of meant it. Nothing against Brad Marchand, but ever since he found Jamie, or Jamie found him, he hadn’t thought about his former teammates.

“Don’t be like that, Segs. I know you do.” Marchand smirked and gave Tyler a tap on the shin pad with his stick. It wasn’t a hard tap, but it was a little more aggressive than Tyler had anticipated. Before Tyler could come back with another chirp, a flash of white and green stepped in between the two of them.

“Don’t touch him. He’s not your teammate anymore. If you want to talk to him, do it after the game.”

“Oh that’s how it is, huh, Benn?” Marchand gave Jamie a quick look up and down, as if he were sizing him up. Jamie almost laughed because of the approximate six inches he had on Marchand.

“Yeah, that’s how it is.”

“Segs, you just let this guy boss you around like that?” Marchand chuckled and made a gesture at Jamie with his hand, which Jamie didn’t particularly care for. He found himself chest to chest with Marchand within an instant.

“Why don’t you just go back to your side?”

“Yeah? Why don’t you fucking make me?” Marchand said with a little shove to Jamie’s chest. Players from both teams were at their sides in an instant pulling their respective teammate back before a pregame fight could transpire.

“Alright, guys, save it for the game.”

“Yeah,” Jamie muttered under his breath. “You can count on it.”

~~~~~

Tyler glided to the center dot to take the initial faceoff, and to his dismay, Patrice Bergeron was already waiting for him on the opposite side of the circle. The two hadn’t had a great relationship when they were teammates, and then when Tyler was traded, Bergeron added salt to the wound with an interview he gave saying Tyler needed to grow up. Tyler had a few words he wanted to say to him, but he decided to keep his eyes fixed on the ref who was doing his last minute checks before starting the game. Unfortunately, the silence was interrupted by that dreadful and all too familiar voice.

“How’s Dallas treating you?”

Tyler’s head snapped up, because what the hell? All of a sudden he was going to act like he was concerned? No, fuck that. He couldn’t wait to see Tyler go, and Tyler wasn’t about to act like they were buddies.

“Why do you care?” Tyler spat, shooting eye daggers Bergeron’s way. If only looks could kill.

“Well, it looks like you’ve found your fit. I mean you said it yourself, only steers and queers in Texas, right?” Bergeron chuckled.

Tyler felt his heart rate rise to a dangerous level. That bastard. Tyler knew he was going to come up with something snarky, but this? This was way worse.

Patrice had been onto Tyler and his private life ever since the end of Tyler’s rookie season. After they had won the Stanley Cup, Tyler went out by himself for some drinks, because what 19-year-old wouldn’t take advantage of the free underage drinking when it was handed right to him? Anyways, Tyler had drunk until he had felt the familiar buzz and was his usual flirtatious self. What Tyler hadn’t known, though, was that Bergeron was also at said bar. That is until he had made eye contact with him right in the middle of a friendly lap dance he‘d been giving to the random guy he’d been chatting up all night. It was an innocent joke, at least to the other guy, but Bergeron’s eyes had pierced through him as if he was letting Tyler know he could see past the act he was putting on.

“The fuck is that supposed to mean?” He wanted to yell, and get in Bergeron’s face, but he knew he needed to keep his voice down. He didn’t want anyone else to hear the exchange.

“You tell me.”

“I don’t know what the fuck you’re talking about.” Tyler swallowed back a nervous lump in his throat and looked away. He needed a distraction to calm his nerves down.

“Does your buddy, Benn, know? ‘Cos you two are awfully close.” The question hit Tyler like a truck. He didn’t realize Patrice had been keeping such close tabs on him. And for what? Blackmail? He knew Bergeron was just trying to get into his head, to throw him off his game, but the thought of Jamie finding out about Tyler’s sexuality nearly sent him into another panic attack. It would ruin their relationship, and he couldn’t allow that to happen. He just couldn’t.

“Shut the fuck up. You can shit talk me all you want, but you better leave Jamie’s name out of your mouth,” Tyler spat through gritted teeth.

“So he doesn’t know?” Patrice chuckled and shook his head. “That’s a shame, because if I were him, I’d want to know.”

“Are you gonna talk all night, or are you gonna play hockey?” Tyler knew that was a shitty comeback, but he didn’t know what else to say without outing himself.

Finally, the head official made his way over to the two of them, allowing Tyler to break his eye contact with Patrice and get ready for the faceoff.

“Alright, boys, here we go. Let’s play a clean game.”

Yeah, there’s no way in hell that’s happening, Tyler thought to himself. He quickly shook off Bergeron’s comments when the whistle blew and got ready to win the faceoff. When both sides were ready, the puck dropped, and the first period was underway.

~~~~~

The game was just as intense as a playoff game, which was unusual since it was only one month into the season and between two teams in opposite conferences. It immediately started off physical, mainly from Bergeron hitting Tyler any chance he got and Jamie hitting Bergeron in response. Once the physicality was consistent between two players on opposing teams, it was like a domino effect for the rest of the players. Then, once the grittiness was present, the need to win the game became so much more important.

Jamie opened the scoring just over three minutes into the first period, but the lead was short-lived when Torey Krug responded with a goal thirty seconds later. The rest of the first period and the entirety of the second were filled with tough, back and forth hockey, but the score remained tied at one going into the third.

Jamie and Tyler jumped over the boards simultaneously when it was their line’s time to play against the Bruins top line. Tyler was the first to the opposing player with the puck, catching the Bruin off guard by his speed. He managed to tie up the puck against the boards, struggling to gain possession. Val Nichushkin came to Tyler’s aid not too long after the puck battle began and was able to kick it free up the boards. After a lucky bounce, the puck found itself against Jamie’s stick with a wide-open net. Suddenly, Jamie felt like life was in slow motion. His eyes grew to the size of golf balls while he instinctively snapped the puck towards the net. Life quickly resumed back to normal pace as he watched the puck go wide of the net and ricochet off the boards.

The Stars’ top line continued to battle for the puck, but to no avail. The Bruin’s defense was able to gain control and break out into a rush out of their zone. Tyler, exhausted from the full shift, made his way to the bench for a change. Jamie, panting equally as hard, followed behind Tyler. But before he made it to the bench, he felt an unexpected, sharp jolt against his ribs, knocking the wind out of him.

“Gotta be aware, Benny. Especially of who you associate with. Don’t want people thinking the wrong thing. Unless you swing that way, too,” Bergeron muttered to a doubled over Jamie. Jamie was too injured to respond, and his head was spinning too much to even process what was said. All he could do was focus on the ice and try and catch his breath.

~~~~~

Tyler stepped onto the bench but quickly turned around to face the ice again when he heard a commotion from the crowd. He immediately caught Bergeron’s smug look that was directed right at Tyler and Jamie on all fours on the ice. Tyler knew. He instantly knew what Bergeron had done.

“What the fuck?!” Tyler screamed and swung his leg over the board with the full intention of beating the shit out of his ex-teammate. But before he could get his other leg over, he felt a hand wrapped around his arm to hold him back.

“Tyler, don’t! It’s not worth it; we need you.” Tyler knew Rous was right. If he hopped onto the ice just to fight Bergeron, he’d be kicked out of the game and maybe even suspended by the league, but he couldn’t calm down. He knew Bergeron attacked Jamie just to get to him. The more he thought about it, the more physically sick he felt.

“He… He just-” Tyler’s emotions prevented him from being able to finish his sentence, but seeing Jordie and his other teammates who were on the ice quickly spring to action to defend Jamie helped him stay on the bench and not do anything stupid.

When the refs started to put the fires out in the scrum, a Stars trainer was able to help Jamie off the ice and down the tunnel to the locker room. Tyler watched as he disappeared down the hallway, wanting to run after him and do what he could to help make him better. But, he was stuck on the bench with a game to somehow finish.

Tyler sat back down on the bench, stick gripped tightly beneath his gloves. He felt completely helpless, which made his jaw clench. Tyler knew the next time he stepped onto the ice he had to have his revenge. That was the only thing in his control right now. He was determined, more than ever, to make the Bruins regret it.

~~~~~

“Tyler, first of all congrats on the win. How does it feel to get the game winning goal, not only against your former team but in an intense game like that?”

“Uh, yeah. I mean it’s obviously nice to win against your old team. Especially in a heated game like that. When your captain takes a bad hit you want to win that much more.” Tyler hummed, trying to keep the anger he still had at bay.

“When Jamie exited the game after taking the butt end of Bergeron’s stick, what was the message to the rest of the team going into the final minutes of the game?”

“Finish the game. Jamie couldn’t be there to fight with us, so we knew we needed to fight for him. I thought we obviously responded well, and I’m glad we didn’t let them take the game after taking our captain from us.” Tyler ignored the bewildered expressions he got in response to his non-cookie cutter answer. He could care less if the Bruins saw this interview. Actually, he wanted them to see it.

“Tyler, last question. What did you think about Kari Lehtonen’s performance in the net tonight?”

“It was everything. He kept us in the game, and I wish we could have given him some more breathing room, but he stood on his head and didn’t allow anything past him.”

“Thanks, Tyler.”

“Thanks,” Tyler parroted before getting back to peeling his sweaty equipment off his body.

Instead of hitting the showers, Tyler slipped back into his warm-up clothes and made his way down the hall to the medical room. When he walked in, he saw Jamie sitting back against the examination bench with an ice pack wrapped around his ribs. Jamie turned his head when he felt another presence in the room, a smile spreading on his lips when he saw who it was.

“Hell of a wrister, Segs,” Jamie croaked out. Hearing the pain still evident in Jamie’s voice made Tyler want to cry.

“You gonna be okay?” Tyler asked. He didn’t want to talk about himself. In fact, feeling like Jamie’s injury was his fault caused Tyler to be disgusted with himself.

“I’m fine, just some bruised ribs,” Jamie replied while looking down at his ice pack covered ribs.

“How long will you be out?” Tyler’s voice was quiet, scared to hear the answer.

“I don’t know. They said we’d monitor it tonight and make a decision tomorrow. I’m sure I won’t miss the game,” Tyler could tell Jamie was lying, positive Jamie was trying to protect him, to not let Tyler’s concern grow. He made a mental note to ask the doctor on his way out what timeframe for recovery he’d actually given Jamie.

Tyler crossed his arms over his chest and nodded slowly. He was glad Jamie’s condition wasn’t worse, but he still couldn’t shake the ache in his own chest. Tyler couldn’t believe he was actually taking Bergeron’s words to heart right now, but he couldn’t disagree with it. He wanted to tell Jamie exactly why Bergeron hated him so much, and he wanted more than anything to tell Jamie how he really felt about him because Jamie did deserve to know.

“Tyler,” Jamie said softly, “what’s wrong?” Tyler mentally kicked himself for allowing his body language and facial expression to be read like a book.

“That shouldn’t have happened to you,” Tyler sighed and leaned against the doorway. He cast his eyes downwards so he didn’t have to make eye contact with Jamie’s concerned stare.

“It’s hockey, Tyler. It happens.”

“That wasn’t hockey. That was a cheap shot against the wrong person,” Tyler argued. “I don’t know why he didn’t just come after me. I’m sorry you had to pay the price for my battle.”

“Your battle is my battle, Segs.”

Tyler snapped his eyes up to look at Jamie, because that response? How could he not? God, why did Jamie have to be so noble? And so damn attractive while looking at Tyler with his body all banged up from protecting him. If this was a rom-com, they’d be making out by now. But it’s not, and Tyler needed to stop picturing it while making eye contact with Jamie.

“I’m your captain, dummy. It’s what I do,” Jamie chuckled and tossed a small wad of tape in Tyler’s direction, as if to say ‘lighten up.’

Tyler let out a sigh of relief, or was it disappointment? Either way, he forced a small smile and rolled his eyes.

“Whatever, Chubbs,” Tyler teased, gently tossing the tape ball back at him to avoid injuring Jamie more. “You ready to get on the bus?”

“I still need a minute. Save me a seat?”

“’Course,” Tyler answered, and Jamie smiled in return. Tyler turned out of the room, shaking his head as he walked back to the locker room to gather his things.

“Well, fuck,” Tyler thought to himself. “Stupid love.”

#bennguin #oneshot #jamiebenn #tyler seguin #dallas stars #au

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aromoji · 5 years ago

Text

FAQ

(Pwease no rebloggy, this is subject to change)

[Insert any invasive question about my ethnicity]

I’m Ghanaian American. My parents were born in Ghana and I was born here. For some reason both black Africans and black Americans seem to have a problem with that. I will not elaborate on this.

I sent you an ask and you never answered it!

It’s likely that

I never got it

You were blocked

I’ve already answered this

It’s a random positivity ask (which I appreciate but not sure how to respond to those)

You were rude in your ask and I didn’t feel like answering

I forgot until it was too late, which happens when my inbox gets a lot of asks at a time.

You sent it to the wrong blog (I.e, sending asks about my ocs to this blog instead of @ochood )

Non is just a prefix, black people don’t have a monopoly on the term! I suppose you think nonbinary people are racist huh?

This person explains it better than I can. Plus we’re talking about marginalized groups here. Black people are a marginalized group. Binary people as a whole are not so the term nonbinary isn’t appropriative at all. Also shut up, racist.

Follow up: If we can’t use non-[marginalized group], what can we use instead?

There are other words to describe the people you’re talking about

non-transfem- TME

non-lgbt- cishet, or people who aren’t lgbt

non trans - cis

etc

Black people don’t have a monopoly on the acronym nb! I’ll call myself nb if I want to!

I’m always gonna mean nonblack when I use the acronym nb. Die mad about it.

Hey, the op is [insert post] is [someone on my dni]!

I usually double check myself, just to be sure. If the person’s url is uncensored I’m not going to post the ask

Have you heard about [someone who is mutuals with someone who is mutuals with someone I’m loosely connected with]?

Most likely, no. And unless they’re an immediate danger to someone or they’ve got my name in their mouth, I don’t care.

Are you an anti?

Yes. Here’s why

Please don’t send asks about this

Are you an inclusionist/exclusionist?

Yes and no. I do think aces + aros are lgbt but they still should have spaces outside of the lgbt community because they have issues that both overlap with the lgbt community but are also different as well. Idk wtf is going on with the inclus community, but exclus are nonetheless insufferable, I’ve never met a single ‘respectful’ exclusionist who doesn’t thinks unironically calling themselves an aphobe is a personality trait or doesn’t reblog from people who feel that way. As someone who’s definetly not cishet in any sense of the word, I don’t believe the acecourse is about the “cishet aces and aros” like they claim.

Also as an addendum: I don’t like being called queer nor do I agree with calling people who do not reclaim the term as such, but that doesn’t mean people who are comfortable with the label shouldnt be allowed to reclaim it for themselves and take pride in it. Unironically calling yourself a queerphobe is cringe bro, and calling people “kweers” is disrespectful to asian queer people who use it as a personal identity

I’m also pro-pansexuality, no I don’t think pan people oppress or harm me as a bi (and trans) person. Yes, they should check their transphobia, but that is the case for people of any orientation.

Please don’t send asks about this. I am not a discourse blog, and I’m trying to stay as far away from any lgbt related discourse as possible, but I want to makae my stances clear for anyone that wants to follow me and must know before doing so.

Do you need dysphoria to be trans?

No. Next question.

Please don’t send asks about this

Are you pro/anti mogai?

I dont personally engage with the mogai community (and I’m pretty sure a lot of the identies people make fun of are literal trolls. Come on, no one’s actually calling themselves audiosexual...right?) but people who use mogai as an insult or run flop accounts are cringe.

Please don’t send asks about this

Why do you continue to use the ace flag even though known homophobe David Jay made it?

He didn’t. It was created by a user named standup on the AVEN website, who has no connection to David Jay himself. A lot of aces don’t even know who the fuck this person is anyways.

Edit: I no longer identify as ace but this still stands.

Please don’t send asks about this.

Do you know who [x person/group/thing] is?

Most likely no. Not to sound like a hipster but I dont usually keep up to date with trends. If I do hear about something, it’s most likely from twitter or instagram.

Is x AAVE?

I have a tag dedicated to what is and is not aave.I know some things overlap with southern culture but others are specifically for black people. No, I can’t tell you how to stop using AAVE.

Hey, I can’t see your blog or reblog your posts!

You were blocked. And now you’re block evading. I don’t remeber why I specifically blocked a user, but it’s most likely because you’re on my dni.

But I’m not on your dni?

You probably said or did something annoying then. Lol. Or you’ve added a stupid comment to someone else’s posts and I don’t want that nonsense on mine, so I blocked preemptively.

There’s the occasionaly chance while I was blocking people on a spree in the notes of a bad post you may have gotten caught in the fray, and if so, I apologize.

However, there’s also a chance you also blocked me on @mojiis and yet continued to interact here. So I blocked back.

Can you tag x?

I have a list of things I usually tag because they come up on this blog a lot. I cannot do catch all tags, as I have way too many followers for that. The closest thing to that is the “ask to tag” tag when there’s something potentially triggering but I’m not sure what it is. Everything is tagged as “x tw”. If something is extremely triggering, I’ll tag it as “major tw”

Do you tag slurs?

I’ve decided in order to be fair I’m tagging any possible lgbt related slur as the letter itself. Hopefully those who dont want to see it will have it black listed and I wont offend the people who reclaim it. I don’t tag the n word, as I reclaim that one. I always tag the r slur

Can I message you about something/someone?

Unless you’re a mutual, most likely no. My DMs are only open to mutuals.

Do you want to be mutuals?

I don’t usually follow back people who follow me, especially if you’re under 17. I’m sure you’re a nice person, but don’t post about things I’m interested in.

Can you give me advice on x?

Most likely not, because I’m not an expert or an advice blog. I’ll try, but dont take my word for it. I’m also tme, ablebodied, not jewish, singlet, etc, so I’m not able to accurately answer questions about transmisogyny, (physical?) ableism, antisemeitsm, “sycourse”, etc.

I might be able to give advice on school related stuff, but remember that students are not a monolith, and what worked for me may not work for someone else.

What’s your main blog?

If you know, you know.

Why do you continuously move mains/change urls/update themes?

I’m inconsitent. Plus someone is stalking me.

Can I tag you in posts I think I’d like?

Of course!

#text #✨.txt

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girlwiththelightson-god · 4 years ago

Text

so the jail support mutual aid group that i’m a part of has been being antagonized by this cab driver who parks across from where we work. hes not a liscenced cabbie really - my understanding of his “origin story” is that he was a yellow cab guy who has hung out outside the jail for decades occaisionally picking up fares when people are released with money or have family members with cash at the destination. hes been there for so long in many ways its largely social - he has his other cabbie buddy, he rubs elbows with the COs - but he feels very much like its his space. at some point the jail told the yellow cab companies to buzz off, so he just stopped working with a cab company and still sits outside the jail waiting for rides.

since the beginning things were tense - hes a gregarious old school type of dude who can be pretty moody and unhinged. but i always felt deferential to him in a way - he can be a huge help, he can be a funny guy, and it doesnt feel right to gentrify out a cabbie just because we give out free rides. that being said most of the rides we give he wouldnt take anyway - people who cant afford a ride home, who dont have a conventional home to go back to, people who need to collect their seized property from the county -- and on top of that he really just chills in his car most of the time. but for a long time we were like, OK, when we’re at capacity we send some rides his way. No problemo.

Problemo. the things he says start to alienate people. he definitely does not know the agreedupon vernancular when discussing LGBTQ issues. this begins to make people feel unsafe, and he also becomes more moody as the weather gets colder.

a chicago summer renders the city into a carceral boomtown - kids minding their own business get picked up on bullshit drug charges that get thrown out the next day, legal gun owners get caught in the midst of constantly changing regulations that mean that the way you store your legal firearm today can get you thrown in the pen tomorrow (of course, only if you’re black), everyones out enjoying the weather so if you have a warrant and some cop with a chip on their shoulder sees you, you’re screwed. that being said - in winter, things slow way down. i have no doubt that the economic impact of this seasonal change influences the broader drama of this situation from henceforth.

Back to the problem - soon it feels like him screaming at us that we’re taking his fares, or don’t know what we’re doing, or are giving other cab drivers too many fares, is an every night occurence. People start feeling unsafe - you hear this guy say a couple slurs... and hes loud and angry......but to me i was like. Well you’re white. This is an elderly black man who is pretty much living hand to mouth. I wanted to be in a position where we could provide hims ome material financial support via pay for rides (that, due to our understaffing, we still needed help with) and everything seemed chill. We were sort of telling offended people to check their own privilege and assumptions. Because I don’t have a lot of energy and time for people who criminalize and pathologize black masculinity.

Regardless our policies and attempts to play ball don’t matter - whatever we do still isnt good enough. Its clear that he views us giving any sort of rides to people as a threat to his livelihood despite, as i’ve said, us only really giving rides that he wouldn’t take anyway, and being as deferential as we can to give rides that seem like a good fit for him - to him -- which also is eating at our financials. And the contingent of people feeling hurt, threatened, burnt out by dealing with him grows.it becomes clear that ignoring this group of people is coming off as callous and silencing voices. there are people whos departure from the organization is clearly linked to this guy bothering us -- and his hassling is getting worse. He starts talking about burning down our tent, slashing our tires, etc.

Maybe coming from a more working class or hick town, being a str8 white boy, i never felt the fear in my dealings with him, just a lot of frustration. But i became one of the few people who can really get in the car with him and talk out how he feels, doing my best to act as a go between from the group to him. I take a lot of verbal abuse and shit talk throughout this but always call him on this. To me the key failure of the young american left is an unability to engage materially with real working class people who do not speak in such flowery language and have not been as understanding of the large-scale social developments that have been undertaken since the obama presidency especially around “microaggressions” and the defied canonization of identity politics from an aspect of Marxism to the underlying dogma of most centrist-to-center left projects. Le sigh! So I tried to fit in where I was effective and act as a filter - sifting out this guys bullshit and calming him down so we can have a good normal talk. Honestly? This begins to wear on me. Im a conforntantion averse person, ask anyone...

We have a referendum on everything and its clear that no one except me and my gf are even open to the idea of still working with this guy. So we (me, some other volunteers) decide to have a sit down chat with him this week.

Well on Sunday i guess he was walking over to us hollering and talking major shit - normally we can handle this, but this time we actually had people who had been released from jail waiting for a ride as he was coming to talk shit. The people waiting couldn’t bear to hear the way he was yelling at his and start to intervene. He flips out and goes to his car, a beat up classic coupe, and produces some sort of steel pole weapon. He starts pounding on the light post by our tent with it and rushes our tent threatening to kick it down. The situation is deescalated, but holy shit.

So now we’re having a sit down chat with him tonight to figure how what moving forward looks like. I dont think we’re ever going to work with him again, but he’s also cearly not going anywhere - he’s been at that area for a long time and again, considers himself the don of it - so I simply don’t know what will happen. I’m sick to my stomach thinking about this, how fucked up and weird and sad it all is to have to deal with, when this mutual aid project is otherwise such a beautiful and harmonious thing.

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