#shoutout to my dad for buying me this

[br00f]

AGHHAHAHHHAHAHAHAHAH KEITH EMERSON BOOK IS MINE

[cowboy-robooty]

dude can you please do a face reveal i need to see what you look like. or draw yourself. im so curious im sorry ok bye have a good day

yes i do look like the most sterotypical asian man imaginable. yes i am a biology major. yes i use reddit. yes im an incel. yes my favorite subjects are math and biology. yes i wore polo shirts through all of middle school. yes i am blind without my glasses. yes the lenses are so fucking thick they stick out of the frames. yes i have racist huge front buck-teeth. yes i am abnormally short. yes im a shitty driver. dont ask me about my penis.

[hawkeyefierce]

just played darts for the first time and obliterated both of my parents… gay people stay winning

[blueskittlesart]

Oh hell yeah, Minnish Cap or as I like to call it: THE MINISCULE HÄÆT

hes so little. i know like half the time link is under the age of 13 but this guy is just like. peak baby link. i love him already

[livvyofthelake]

glow in the dark nail art will make you want to kill yourself dead right up until you’re done and you charge that shit up for five seconds with your phone flashlight and then turn it off sit in the dark and see that shit glow in the fuckingggg dark…

[thelaughingmerman]

Its a national holiday by the way, happy birthday to meet the robinsons yaaaay

[the-zebra-dragon]

I have been begging. For years. To get me some boy pants. Because POCKETS. And for years. My parents have told me. ‘Absolutely not.’ Bc I’m not a boy. And now. All the pants. I got when I was 14. (I’m 24 if you’re keeping score) Are wearing out. And I have to buy children’s pants anyway. Because I’m short AF for 24. And I finally convinced my parents. To try the boys section. Because if I’m buying kids clothes I might as well get pockets out of it.

And my parents. Now agree. Boys pants. Fit me better. Than girl pants.

[sweetestcaptainhughes]

a chaotic trip to the grocery store

Word Count - 1.6k

Author's Note: I am 100% procrastinating on other wips simply because I can't get Jack as a dad out of my head. I might make this a whole AU. 🤭 Shoutout to Allie (@aleskie-hischier) for letting me yap her ear off, about this concept off and on for weeks. Also choosing not to put a summary because it's so small it ruins it.

So I did turn it into an AU… till forever falls apart.

Grocery shopping wasn't supposed to be this difficult. Jack has been a single dad for a few months now, but somehow this is the first time he is taking both his kids grocery shopping - and he knows he is a shitty person for thinking this - but he wishes Luke would of agreed to babysit for an hour instead of him taking both of them to the store.

"Daddy" his son screeches his name and Jack is suddenly alert again, to the fact that he is in the store entering the cereal aisle.

"ya baby?" because despite his son, just being a little over two years old now, Zander will always be Jack's baby. Even now, even though Zander hates it and his brows are in that cute little frown and lips are slightly pouting as they do only when Jack calls him by that.

" 'ot a baby. Zo a baby." he pouts, standing in the cart now, with his little arms folded over his chest, 'God he looks so much like me' Jack thinks to himself. 'just too sassy for his own good.'

"You are both my babies. Isn't that right Zozo." Jack coos at his baby girl sitting in the seat of the basket, slightly leaning forward to grab her attention. Jack smiles at his daughter as she laughs at him, clapping her hands now that she's receiving attention from her favorite person.

Jack suddenly snaps out of whatever moment he's having with his daughter when he hears his son call for him again. "yes bab-. Sorry little Z whatcha need?" He smirks as he teases his son on purpose.

"Can I have da good cereal?" he asks cheekily with a smile on his face. The 'good cereal' Zander means the sugary kind that gets him so hyper it’s hard to control his energy and he usually is meaner to his sister, which results in a lot of crying and screaming from both of them. Jack takes a deep breath, just thinking about how his morning would go if he gave in and let him have it for a snack when they got home. Ultimately if he gave in to buying it, Zander would have a hard time understanding that right before nap time isn’t the right time for that type of snack. Jack sighs to himself, as he tries to let his son down gently hoping he doesn’t have a meltdown. 

"No buddy, not today." Jack responds softly hoping that Zander will let it go. But before his son can let out any response, let alone his little protests. Jack hears someone call his name and he flinches his father's instincts kicking into overdrive, he used to not mind getting recognized when he was out but when he has his kids it's his worst nightmare.

It's almost like his kids can feel their father's shift in the mood and he lets out a deep breath, hoping that it soothes them. Jack smiles to himself when it seems to work, keeping a hand on the cart he turns around to the voice shedding the stranger from seeing his children. Sadly it isn't the first time he has been recognized in public with his kids and it won't be the last. But the knot in his stomach, hopes whoever he is about to face will be kind. One thing Jack hates the most about playing in the NHL, is his children's faces being blasted all over social media and talked about endlessly simply because of who their father is. Jack truly doesn’t know how real famous people deal with the media around their kids. 

He turns around to see a man and a girl, and he lets out a breath he didn't know he was holding. Somehow the guys always happened to be a little more chill than the young girls. "oh shit you are Jack Hughes!" he exclaims in shock.

"hey can you not curse in front of my kids man." Jack tries hard to not sound like a dick, but Zander is in his copying faze and if he picks up curse words from a fan, Jack will never hear the end of it.

"Oh fuck sorry. shit sorry I-." Jack gives him a tight smile, he can see the guy trying but when you're in your 20's most people don't have to censor their language due to being around children. The young man, probably no more older than the 24 year old Jack, looks to the girl for help.

"Sorry to bother you, but it would mean a lot if he could take a picture with you?" The girl smiles softly at Jack, but Jack doesn't respond because he hears Zander whine for him, his stranger danger stage along with copying every word stage in full force. Of course, if Zander shows any sign of distress Zo will start fussing as well. Jack doesn't even attempt to apologize to the couple as he turns to his kids.

"Come here baby. It's okay." Jack mumbles as he reaches for his mini-me. Zander doesn't seem to mind the nickname anymore when he's scared. Quickly he goes to his fathers arms and lets him be picked up out of the cart, wrapping his arms around his shoulders and hiding his face in his neck. Jack holds his son and tries to smooth him as he clings to him. Jack tries to focus, frowning his eyebrows as he uses the heel of his foot to rock the cart back and forth trying to calm Zola down in the process. Finally, feeling Zander calm down against his chest, he moves him to one side so he now can use his hand to pet his daughter's head showing her everything is fine.

"You have really cute kids." The girl speaks up, and suddenly Jack is reminded of why his son was so scared in the first place, he feels Zander press into him a little harder than a few seconds ago and Jack's jaw tightens in response.

"Look if I take a picture with you, you promise not to take any of them or post the photo online for a few hours. They're just kids, they deserve privacy." Before Jack can continue on his tangent the girl cuts him off.

"We haven't." She almost seems offended for Jack assuming they would take unconsented photos but he doesn't apologize for it.

"I'd love a picture with you if you're able." The man speaks softly, Jack grins at him tightly, bending his head down to talk to his son.

"Hey little Z?" he coos. Even though Jack doesn't hear his son, he knows Zander is listening because his head turns ever so slightly towards his fathers voice.

"Can we make a deal lil' man?" Jack softly asks. He waits until he can feel his son nod his head. “Can you be brave and stay with sissy while I take a photo with these nice people.” Jack softly asks, his tone so soft that Zander is craning his neck slightly to make sure he hears his dads every word. 

“I wanna stay wit you.” Zander sniffles, and Jack's heart sinks in the pit of his stomach. 

“My baby. I’ll be 3 feet away okay. And then we can pick a special healthy snack for snack time today. Alright?” Jack shoots a look over to the couple, as if to tell them without speaking that he’s working on it. 

“Why cannt’ I stay wit you?” Zander asks. 

“Because then who’s gonna watch Zozo?” Jack asks, knowing he isn’t telling his son the whole truth, about how he will never let him be in fan pictures. I mean he is a little over two and his face hasn’t been posted once on social media, it’s honestly a miracle that only Jack holding him one time was posted. One day he will tell him, but not when Zander is two and having a tough time understanding that his dad isn’t leaving him. 

“Promise you come back. Not like mama.” Zander asks, and Jack wants to cry, his son thinks that Jack would ever leave him. 

“Promise honey.” Jack coos, kissing the crown of his son's head. He felt Zander wiggle in his grasp and he knew he wanted to let down. Jack gently made sure he was on his feet, before he stood and got up, he softly put Zanders little hand so it grasped the cart but he stepped back. Jack stood opposite of his kids, on the other side, so there was no chance for even a glimpse of his children in the picture. Jack took a selfie with both, and one photo with each of them separately. 

Once the couple finally walked away, he felt his son tug his leg. “I did it daddy! I was a big boy SEE NO BABY.” His voice screeched with glee. 

“You did so good Z.” Jack smiled down at him, ruffing his hair. “What healthy snack do you want bubs?” he asks, picking him up and placing him back in the cart. 

“I wan’ da good cereal,” he demands. 

“Zander,” he says sternly. “I already told you not today.” Jack knows he has roughly 3 minutes before a full on meltdown, and maybe it’s the guilt from Zander struggling earlier on during the grocery trip. But he just sighs and places the cinnamon toast crunch in the cart, Jack is just glad he could avoid a meltdown. Although then his daughter needs her diaper changed and starts to cry to let her dad know. Suddenly Jack feels like he should have just listened to Luke when he told him to Instacart.

[nonotnolan]

Stories I Love (Part 2)

Again, nothing personal with the order listed here, it's mostly chronological. Tumblr doesn't like a ton of hyperlinks, so the list is in two parts. Here's Part 1.

Though, now is a good time to point out a few major gaps in this list. One, I don't care for celebrity, sports, or sweat/fart transformations very much, so that eliminates a few prolific authors. Two, some authors have much bigger websites elsewhere, like @2xskin or @takeovertales, and I haven't been consistent about favoriting works that could be found in two places. Three, a special shoutout to @piosantaibhseil's very long body swap series which would be tricky to link otherwise.

Also, a special shoutout-- I don't think my blog would have nearly as much of a footprint without @bodyswap-possession-shapeshift's valuable reblog contributions to this community. He remains one of the fastest and most consistent about showing support to all creators on his lists, and I hope he knows how much that support has been appreciated over the years.

By @deviantknight25 : Implanted Mutual to Cover Medal and Leaf Surfeit Changes Partner in Crime

By @transformhim : Learning His Lesson Fun with the Mimic Changing Work Roles The Devil Next Door Sauna Shenanigans

By @tfmybody : The Intern A Fortunate Theft

By @tf-lover : The Homo Bomb - Lewis Ashton 12th Hour The Way You Look Tonight

By @bodyhopper-files : Just A Dream Untitled 12/26/22 How I Transformed My Dad's Life Make Me

By @0ng0ingw0rk : Morning Adjustments Paradise

By @verus-veritas : Slipping Out The Halloween Costume Love Thy Neighbor Untitled 9/24/20 Hard Work Pays Off

By @shootingstarwritings : Beach Bummin' It Back Home Couples Therapy

By @swap-and-possessions : Passed Out Suit Cleaning Buy Low, Sell High

By @kylecrusoe-captions : Untitled 4/15/23 Untitled 10/21/22 Untitled 11/24/19

By @exploratorytfs : Power Exchange Special Weekend Swap Need to Study Free Market Series: Debts, Repossession, Ladder The Swap Booth From Twink to Daddy Swap Kink Accepted On Site Family Gatherings Join Them

By @noface-phantom7 : Possession: BEyond WILLing Bodysuit: Superior Dominic Bodyswap: It Only Feels Right Bodyswap: On Second Thought Bodysuit: Skin Salesmen Demons, Suits and Faces

By @fantasyvessels Don't Waste Your Youth Or Else Project Personal Drones III

By @joshslater : Very PT The Lost Year of Gain My Bully Manhood Exchange Foreign Exchange Another Kyle Eastern Tennessee Golden Years Untitled 6/10/19 Flesh Limited Equal Exchange Partystick Urgent Message Final Answer Wanted Crossdressing

[guiltyasdave]

it’s the season

part of the space sisters secret santa 2023 - for @pascalispretty, merry christmas sophie! 🫶🏻

pairing: Joel Miller x f!reader

word count: ~ 1.8k

summary: Joel had promised his daughters that they would bake Christmas cookies this weekend - which turns out to be more complicated than he had anticipated. Fortunately, their new neighbor next door can help.

tags: AU! no outbreak, Joel has both of his daughters, FLUFF, hints at reader’s sad backstory but nothing specific, mentions of alcohol consumption, able-bodied reader, I think that’s it? Let me know if I missed something <3

dividers by @/saradika-graphics 🫶🏻

full masterlist here

follow @guiltyasdavenotifs and turn on notifications for fic updates

shoutout to @reddedmiller for holding my hand while writing this and convincing me that it’s not trash, i love you bby <3

It’s Sunday, one week until Christmas, and Joel Miller is beginning to lose his mind.

His daughters had been bugging him about baking Christmas cookies with them for weeks, and he wants nothing more than to make them happy, but while Joel is many things, he’s certainly not a baker.

Work has been hectic lately, which apparently led to him forgetting to buy the ingredients that the girls swear up and down they had requested several times.

He’s had to sent Sarah to ask one of their neighbors to lend them something twice now and by the looks of it, he’s gonna have to do it a third time. She groans and insists to take Ellie with her this time, complaining about how this is “sooooo embarrassing, Dad!”

You furrow your brow when your doorbell rings for the third time in half an hour, a slightly disbelieving look on your face when you open the door and once again reveal the young girl from next door standing on your porch, this time accompanied by who you think is her younger sister.

You only moved into the house a month ago and don’t really know any of your neighbors, except for the elderly couple that lives a few houses over. They had introduced themselves hours after you moved in and have tried to invite you to come to Sunday church with them several times, an invitation that you consistently decline.

You know the girls though, you often see them through your windows, constantly pestering their father, who constantly fends them off in a kind of gruffy but clearly loving manner.

The girl who had introduced herself as “Sarah” when she first came by thirty minutes ago to ask for baking powder smiles at you apologetically.

“Hi… again. I’m so sorry, do you by any chance have cinnamon as well?”

You can't help but laugh this time. “What are you guys even doing over there? I think I do, why don’t you come in while I go check?” They nod and follow you into your kitchen where you start digging through your supply of baking ingredients.

“Our Dad said he’d bake Christmas cookies with us today, but he forgot to get the groceries for it,” the other girl explains. “I’m Ellie, by the way.” You smile and tell her your name, then hand over the cinnamon to them.

“That’s very sweet of your Dad,” you remark, “I’m sure he’s trying his best.”

Ellie’s eyes fly over your neatly organized collection of ingredients and baking utensils, then her face lights up with an idea.

“Hey! You look like you’re a good baker and our Dad is really struggling to be honest. Do you want to come over and join us?”

“Ellie,” Sarah argues, “you can’t just invite people like that, I’m sure she has plans already.”

You don’t, to be fair, but you’ve never spoken to their father before, who’s rather giving the impression that he likes to keep to himself.

“Oh, I wouldn’t want to intrude…” you begin, when Sarah looks around herself and notices that you don’t have any Christmas decorations up around your house.

“Or do you not celebrate Christmas?” she asks, “You obviously don’t have to come if that’s not…”

Your heart warms at how considerate the young girl is trying to be. “No I do, I just didn’t…” you trail off, not sure how to explain that it feels pointless putting up decorations just for yourself and that you don’t want the reminders that it will be the first Christmas in your life that you’ll be spending completely alone. You shake your head and plaster a smile on your face. You do like baking and maybe this will help getting you into the spirit.

“You know what? Okay, if it’s alright with your Dad, I’ll come over and see how I can help.”

Both girls beam at you and you follow them over to their house, where you find their Dad elbows deep in a mixing bowl with dough sticking to his fingers and swearing to himself under his breath. You feel awkward and definitely like an intruder but the girls’ mouths are going a mile a minute, explaining how you had soooo many baking supplies and that you had agreed to help them.

Their Dad introduces himself as “Joel” and you feel your cheeks heating when you notice how attractive he is up close. You had already thought that when you’ve seen him from afar, but now that you’re standing in his kitchen, it really hits you. Trying to snap out of it, you take a closer look at the dough that he’s fighting with.

“This needs more flour, then it’ll be less sticky,” you mutter, suddenly feeling a bit shy, and go to add it to the mix in his bowl. He huffs a “Thanks” and you smile, still fighting the heat in your cheeks but also feeling excitement buzz through you as your hand brushes against his when you pull back.

The girls kick back into action then, throwing several recipes at you that they want to try and you do your best to coordinate it all, running back to your place for ingredients several times, accompanied by an apologetic look from Joel every time, but you honestly don’t mind. His daughters are adorable and you’re having more fun than you’ve had in months.

Sarah turns on the radio and Christmas songs sound through the kitchen. With the music in your ear and the smell of freshly baked cookies in your nose, you feel at ease, comfortable.

When all the cookies are baked and thoroughly taste tested, the girls retreat to their rooms on the upper floor, leaving you and Joel alone in the kitchen. You find that you don’t want to leave, don’t want to go back to that big empty house where it’s just you, not now that you’ve basked in the warmth of this family home right next to yours all day. And just maybe, you want to spend more time with Joel.

“I have a bottle of pretty good red wine, shall I go and bring that? Half of my kitchen’s contents are here already” you joke and Joel laughs.

“I’m sorry about that, I’m usually better prepared, but work’s been crazy these weeks and the girls insisted on baking today, so…” He scratches his neck and you smile at him.

“Don’t worry about it, I’ve had a great time today. Finally got me into the holiday spirit a bit, I kinda really needed that.”

You walk over and take the wine bottle back to his place where you sit down in the living room, the Christmas tree that has been mostly decorated by the girls shining in the corner and the several strings of fairy lights that Sarah has spread all over the room glowing around you.

You feel a warmth and comfort that you haven’t felt in a long time, but also a kind of envy for this feeling of family, of how clearly this man and the two girls belong together, how their house is basically imbued with love for each other. A feeling that you’re not sure you’ve ever had, but that you suddenly find yourself desperately longing for.

“So…” Joel begins, a faint expression of uncertainty on his face. “Is it just you over there, or…?” You understand what he’s asking and nod, a wry smile playing around your lips.

“Yeah, it’s- it’s a bit of a long story, really, but yes, it’s just me.” The understanding is clear on his face and he doesn’t push you, sensing that you don’t want to expand on the subject and you’re grateful.

You still talk about both of your pasts, where you grew up, where you went to school, learning that Joel lost his parents when he was young, only two years after he had Sarah, how it had been just the both of them in the beginning, with the addition of his younger brother whom he speaks of with the loving kind of exasperation that only an older sibling can muster up, and how he adopted Ellie a few years later.

You finish the bottle quicker than you would like to, and when Joel walks you home and you’re both stood in front of your door, you’re drunk on more than the red wine, a happiness in your veins that warms you from within.

Joel clears his throat, his eyes trained on your face.

“Listen, I don’t want ya to feel pressured or nothin’, but would you want to come over for Christmas Eve? ‘S just me an’ the girls, nothin’ fancy, just-“ he shrugs, his hands buried in his pockets, “don’t like the thought of you alone in this house on Christmas.”

It might be embarrassing how quickly you say “yes”, but you can’t bring yourself to feel that way. A smile stretches across Joel’s face as he tells you “good night” and kisses your cheek before you step into your house and watch him walk back to his.

Christmas at the Miller household is one of the best evenings that you’ve ever had. Sarah and Ellie have gone all out on the decorations now that they have a guest, leaving twinkling lights, glitter and ornaments in every corner and on every surface, Joel makes a surprisingly good dinner, you’re playing board games with the girls that dissolve into fights between them most of the time, everyone is talking over each other and you’re all eating chocolate until you’re sick with the sugar high.

Late in the evening, with both of the girls softly snoring on the couch, tangled up in each other like two overly large kittens, Joel and you are sharing another bottle of wine. You feel so full of happiness that you feel like you might burst, a smile on your face that feels like it’s never gonna leave again.

When it’s time for you to go home, Joel stands with you and walks with you to his front door. “Thank you again, for inviting me,” you smile at him, “this was probably the best Christmas Eve that I’ve ever had.”

He nods, his gaze dancing between your eyes and your lips.

“Merry Christmas,” you murmur, butterflies erupting in your stomach. He leans in and you hesitantly do the same. Before you can overthink it, you cradle his face in your hands and pull him towards you, your lips meeting in a soft kiss.

“Merry Christmas,” he whispers against your lips.

i hope you liked this!!! merry christmas and happy holidays 🫶🏻

[socra-time]

Socra’s Naruto liveblog, Ep 51-60

Ep 51:

-I really like Team 10 actually

-Choji’s human ball attack looks so slow lmao, the animation probably doesn’t do it justice

-welp rip Choji

-I can’t really take Kabuto seriously, idk why but I think it’s because his character design is so… underwhelming? Like his outfit is lame-looking (yes, I know it’s because he’s a spy or whatever) and he lacks any kind of intimidating or mysterious aura

-I fully believe that Naruto would get stomped by any one of the others who made it to the third round (except Dosu and maaaaybe Shikamaru depending on how hard he tries. Oh and also Temari because from what I’ve seen so far, I don’t believe the writer would let Naruto lose to a girl). I already know Naruto beats Neji, but I’m expecting a MAJOR asspull for that to happen

-Naruto says that Gaara took down Lee “without breaking a sweat”, which is like objectively untrue. Gaara definitely broke a sweat. He literally broke his fucking FACE

-oh my fucking god Konohamaru’s trainer is back???? I thought he was a one-off character lol

Ep 52:

-Kakashi I love you but the bar for being a better teacher than you isn’t that high

-Ebisu’s pompous-ass voice is so funny, it kinda reminds me of James from Team Rocket

-also Ebisu’s explanation of Naruto’s lack of chakra control has made me wonder again how the fuck Naruto mastered Shadow Clone jutsu in the first place. Like I get that he has inhuman levels of chakra, but that doesn’t matter if he doesn’t properly know what to do with it, right?????

Ep 53:

-d-did Naruto just stick his fingers up Ebisu’s butt

-we stan Naruto calling Jiraiya out on his bullshit

-I do like Jiraiya’s voice tho

-rip Ebisu

-instead of making a hundred comments about Jiraiya’s perviness, I’m just gonna say this: ew.

-oh Naruto you sweet innocent child

-NEVERMIND JIRAIYA GOT WORSE EWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW

-I never want to see the fucking sexy jutsu ever again, Jesus fucking Christ

-so I realize that Naruto’s seal isn’t always visible, but how the hell did he never notice and question it before he was told about having the Nine Tails within him

Ep 54:

-oh Dosu is attacking Gaara? Yeah Dosu is about to die isn’t he

-Gaara’s voice is extra edgy in this episode lmao

-aaaaand Dosu is dead. Bro fucked around and found out

-I still can’t take Kabuto seriously as a villain

-damn shit is getting real

-I am so fucking uncomfy with these Jiraiya scenes

-Naruto summoning a tadpole was kinda funny ngl

Ep 55:

-literally all of Team 7 needs to go to mandatory therapy, INCLUDING Kakashi

-I love that Sakura is fully supportive of Lee after he defended her in the Forest of Death; her buying him a flower along with Sasuke was nice

-I’m not a fan of Ino’s bun

-Lee my poor sonnnnnn

-see Naruto and Jiraiya’s dynamic has funny moments sometimes but it’s hard to enjoy them with all the pervy shit thrown in

Ep 56:

-watching this is making me crave ramen

-Naruto going like 👉👈🥺 was really cute

-Jiraiya says that Naruto’s body is “too small a vessel” to contain the Nine Tails’s chakra, almost like they SHOULDN’T HAVE SEALED IT IN A FUCKING BABY

-I feel like we’re supposed to like the Hokage, which is making me doubt my distrust of him

Ep 57:

-I like the big toad’s voice

-ah yes gotta love having ninja child soldiers

-Naruto was gremlining so hard at the end of this episode lol

Ep 58:

-why is Gaara turning this episode into a whole-ass horror movie

-Naruto saying he has a demon inside him as a show of power while threatening GAARA of all people was pretty ironic

-Gaara really is just trauma dumping all over the place

-Naruto basically instantly recognizing the tragedy of Gaara’s situation speaks a lot to his empathy and was a surprisingly mature moment for him

Ep 59:

-I want ramen so baddddd

-I don’t know what Shikamaru’s mom looks like but her genes didn’t even try

-also shoutout to Ino’s dad and his slay-ass ponytail

-Naruto please learn some tact

-Akamaru continues to be the cutest little bean

-I feel like they only included the Konohamaru side quest to pad out this episode’s runtime

Ep 60:

-I’m glad that Kiba, Ino, and Sakura all don’t seem too bummed about the results of their preliminary matches

-welp Naruto is fucking pissed

-the Byakugan veins look so painful

-why doesn’t Naruto just summon the giant toad and make it squash Neji

-respectfully Naruto needs to learn another way of fighting besides just “spam clones”

[dancingtotuyo]

Scathed 7 (Javier Peña)

Rating: Mature

Warnings: anxiety, trauma, self worth, recounting of suicide attempt, discussion of miscarriage and abuse

Notes: shoutout to my non tumblr bestie, Ashley and @janaispunk for beta reading and constantly encouraging me.

Words: 4174

Series Master List | Author Master List

Journal Entry May 25, 1994,

My birthday is tomorrow. Javier is taking me out tonight. Just the two of us and whatever plan he’s concocted in an unknown place. It’ll be fine. I’m safe with him…

A knot formed and set itself squarely in Emily’s gut. She was all too familiar with anxiety, but this one was different. It was laced with excitement. In fact, it was mostly excitement with fear of the unknown, fear that subsided with every assurance that Javier knew what was happening. She trusted Javier. 

Then came the second round of nerves, one Emily thought she’d never feel again, what to wear? She didn’t know where they were going. Javier had assured her he wouldn’t put her in an uncomfortable position which meant limited crowds. 

It was a birthday dinner. That meant fancy, right? But this was Loredo, jeans were welcomed at every event, but so what if she was a little overdressed? This was her birthday. The first time she’d celebrated in a while. Her Dad and Anna had tried, but Emily always refused. They’d gotten away with cake and ice cream after dinner last year, but no candles. She always found a neatly wrapped box on her bed from Jaime though. Emily knew he felt bad for missing so many birthdays. Maybe next year she would be able to celebrate how he wanted to. 

Emily looked over the clothes spread out across her bed. Her going-out clothes were limited for obvious reasons. The dress felt too formal, the jeans not formal enough. She sorted through her closet again, searching for anything else, and then she saw it, peeking out of the Sears bag she’d shoved into the closet as soon as she got home last summer. 

Emily pulled it out, the pale fabric with little sunflowers called to her like it had in the store. It wasn’t anything over the top or skimpy, but still exposed more skin than she tended to show. Emily tended to stick with clothing that wouldn’t draw attention to her, blue jeans and a solid color top or sweater.

She unfolded the dress, the tags still on. She’d felt stupid for buying it as soon as she got home, but could never bring herself to return it. This would do, but Emily didn’t move, staring at the delicate fabric like it might combust. It taunted her, dared her to put it on. She remembered the way it felt cool against her skin, hugged in all the right places, and made her feel like a less damaged version of herself, one that could go out without fear or worry, one a man might find attractive. Immediately, she had shucked it off her body like it was on fire at that thought but hadn’t been able to put it back on the rack. 

It would be perfect for tonight. She fingered the skirt, thumb running over one of the sunflowers. She heard the front door open. Her father greeted Javier. She cursed under her breath, picking up the dress without a second thought. Ripping off the tags, she dropped her towel, pulling the fabric over her head. 

It slipped into place like she was a Disney Princess, fabric flowing around her thighs and knees. She glanced at herself in the mirror, stilling. She felt like she had in that dressing room almost a year ago. This wasn’t her, but who she wished she could be. Who she thought she would be. The pale pink lipgloss and mascara taunt her from the drugstore bag. Those had been impulse purchases today. Emily couldn’t remember the last time she’d put on makeup. 

“Em.” Her father tapped on the door. “Javier is here.”

“I’ll be right out.” She called back, grabbing the makeup without a second thought. She fumbled with it, leaving the packaging scattered on the bedroom floor. 

With inexperienced hands, Emily carefully applied the mascara. Then she ran the lip gloss over her lips. She didn’t give herself another look over, grabbing her purse and light sweater as she teased her curls absentmindedly with a hand, smacking her lips together with the unfamiliar feel of the gloss. 

Javier and Jaime were talking in the living room as she entered. Javier’s eyes clocked her immediately, unable to pull his eyes off of her. She locked eyes with him, heat flooding her cheeks as she caught the way Javier’s eyes roamed her frame. 

“Hi.” He smiled at her.

“Hi,” she smiled back. Emily wasn’t sure what else to say, feeling as if there were more behind his eyes.

Anna walked into the room with a gasp. “I forgot about that dress.”

Emily jumped a little, turning to face her stepmom with a soft smile. “So did I.” She laughed. 

Anna smiled, pressing a kiss to her daughter’s cheek. “You look beautiful, Mija.”

“Thank you.” Emily smiled, unable to calm her beating heart. 

“You ready to go?” Javier asked, shifting his weight from foot to foot.

“Yeah.” Emily bit her lip. Neither moved, simply looking at each other as the room filled with unspoken and unrecognized feelings. 

Jaime looked between them with his brows furrowed. He cleared his throat. “I’ll pick the kids up at 8 from the sitter’s.”

Emily snapped out of her thoughts, which were more like a tornado siren going off during the middle of a clear day leaving her dazed and confused, like danger was so near but you couldn’t see any sign of it. 

“Thanks, dad.” Emily said, kissing his cheek. “And remember, do not let them stay up late. We have an early day tomorrow.”

“No promises.” Emily glared at him. “There’s more of them than me, sweetheart.” 

She narrowed her eyes at him. “Bedtime is 8:30, and no ice cream either.”

“Go celebrate your birthday.” Jaime chuckled, shooing her toward the door. “We’ve got things covered here.”

Javier opened the door, smiling as she matched her father’s strides. In Spanish, she said, “I’m serious, Dad.”

Jaime raised his brows, responding in kind. “Have fun. Enjoy your birthday for once.”

“Dad.” Emily stopped hand on her hip. 

He laughed, putting his hands up in surrender. “I promise. Early to bed and no ice cream. Scouts Honor.”

She eyed him suspiciously, not buying it, but decided to let it go. Javier chuckled. “Jokes aside, we’re going to be late if we don’t go.” 

“You two have fun. Keep her out as late as you want, Javier.” Jaime said with a teasing grin. 

Javier laughed and Emily rolled her eyes. “Will do.”

Javier pressed a hand to the middle of her back to propel her toward the door. Her head snapped back to him, eyes wide but not with panic. Javier dropped it immediately realizing what he’d done. He swallowed, motioning to the door with his head, feeling stupid for doing that. This wasn’t a date.

Emily brushed it off, stepping out of the house without another word. She couldn’t shake the way the warmth of his hand lingered across her back. 

“You gonna tell me where we’re going?” Emily asked once they were out the driveway. 

“God, you’re impatient.”

“I’m sorry if I’m not too keen on surprises.” She narrowed her eyes at him.

Javier laughed. “But you trust me.”

“That’s what I keep telling myself.”

He smiled. “I’m sorry about touching you before we left. I wasn’t thinking and-“

“It’s okay, Javier.”

“No, I know I need to be careful.”

“You didn’t scare me.”

He glanced over at her, studying her face for a moment longer than he safely should from behind the wheel of his truck. Emily smiled at him, any lingering anxiety draining. She trusted him more than she thought possible in a relatively short period. 

“You look beautiful tonight,” Javier said. It just slipped out like the words had just formed in his head and needed to escape. “I like the dress.”

Emily felt her cheeks warm again, a smile pushing against her lips. She turned to look out the window, biting the smile back. What were these impulses she felt helpless to stop? She cleared her throat. “Thank you.”

Even the implication that she looked attractive didn’t scare her. She had Javier next to her. He would keep her safe. That spot on her back heated again. The more she tried to ignore it, the hotter it burned becoming impossible to forget. 

Javier pulled into the parking lot of one of the most popular Friday night destinations in Laredo. Her pulse quickened. All the trust that had assured her moments ago flew out the window. 

“Hey,” Javier said, throwing the truck in park. He grabbed Emily’s hand. “Trust me.”

She nodded, taking a steadying breath. Javier darted around the vehicle, opening the passenger side door for her. “I’ve got you.” He held out his hand with a wink.

Emily took another deep breath, nodding as she took his outstretched hand. Javier squeezed it, keeping her close to his side. Her stomach twisted in knots as they approached the packed restaurant. The front door opened as a couple walked out, the roaring noise from within growing and then muting as the door swung closed. 

Javier felt her breath catch and directed them away from the main entry. “I wouldn’t take you in there, Mustaña. I know better than that.” 

He led them around to the back patio of the restaurant. Emily expected it to be thrumming with life. She’d heard this place had live music on the patio, but when they rounded the corner it was still. Javier opened up the gate, motioning for her to go first. 

Emily bit her lip in amazement. “You did this?”

”I told you. You deserve to be celebrated, Em.”

Without a second thought, her arms flew around his shoulders. Javier’s hands wrapped around her back of their own accord, not wanting to let her go. Emily’s head laid on his shoulder for a single glorious moment. “Thank you.”

“Anything for my best friend.” Javier smiled, fighting the urge to kiss her cheek. He had no doubt that would push things too far, and tonight was about celebrating his best friend. A panic attack would not be very celebratory. 

“I knew I’d get you to admit it.” Emily smiled as Javier pulled a chair out for her.

She sat, allowing Javier to help push her in. The big grin he wore never left his face as he settled in next to her around the small circular table. “How’d you pull this off on a Friday night, Javi?”

“I can’t reveal all my secrets now.” He chuckled. 

Emily cocked her head to the side, curls falling into her eyes. Javier laughed as she pushed them out of her face. “Damn hair. Keep saying I’m going to cut it.”

”You don’t like it?” Javier’s brows furrowed. 

“It’s just a lot, and sometimes you just need a change.” She shrugged. 

Javier bit his tongue. He liked her hair. He was beginning to think he might like it any way she styled it, but there was something about the way her long curls bounced and moved about that captivated him. He wanted to bury his hands in them. 

Javier swallowed, giving himself a moment to push those thoughts away. “A friend from high school owns this place.”

”They must owe you quite the favor.”

”Something like that,” Javier winked, tilting his head to the side.

The roar inside the restaurant grew throughout the night as people filed in for dinner, but out on the patio, it was peaceful. Streaked with orange and pink, the sky slowly darkened until the sun disappeared. Crickets chirp from the grove of trees at the back of the parking lot. The heat of the day began to ease. They took their time eating, enjoying the spring night, and each other's company. 

“How is it we always seem to find ourselves outside? Under the stars?” Emily said, gazing above her as the first twinkles started to appear. 

“Guess it’s our thing.” Javier sipped his whiskey, holding it close to his chest. 

Even within Loredo city limits, stars shone in the night sky. He glanced over at her, eyes tilted toward the heavens, curls falling over her shoulders. She looks so at ease, so blissfully at peace. Javier couldn’t help but feel honored that she’d found that, even just for a few minutes, next to him. 

“So we have a thing?” She raised an eyebrow.

“You just said we’re always finding ourselves in this situation.” He laughed. 

“Suppose I did.” 

He handed her his glass. Emily accepted, letting the dark liquid burn down her throat. “Might be the first night I haven’t craved a cigarette.”

“Progress.” 

“Or maybe it’s the company.” He smiled at her.

Emily rolled her eyes, handing the whiskey back to him. “It most definitely isn’t that.”

“What makes you say that?”

“I’m one of the most anxious people around.”

“Not with me.” 

Emily froze, eyes stuck on his brown ones. What was he trying to say? Nails dug into the pad of her thumb. She chewed on her lip. 

Javier caught it, the overthinking, her brain trying to process things it wasn’t ready for. Fuck, what was he saying? He wasn’t ready to process it either. 

“Hey,” His hand landed over her wrist, fingers easing over her. “You shouldn't be anxious with your friends. It’s a good thing.”

She nodded, her mind accepting the thinly veiled excuse. “You’re right.”

“Always am,” Javier smirked. 

She let out a laugh that came from deep within her belly. Her head fell back, curls dangling in the air, and Javier knew. He knew he was falling in love with a woman he could never have as more than a friend. If and when she traveled down that path, she deserved someone not stained by the drug war. She needed someone so far away from it, her past didn’t feel so tangible. She didn’t need someone who fucked whores and watched children die, someone marked for death but somehow managed to avoid it. 

“Javi?” Emily straightened in her seat, catching the way his demeanor shifted. He had that faraway look in his eyes she only saw when he was reliving the bad parts of Colombia. The one Emily imagined she got when she talked about Mexico. 

He tried to push the thoughts back. Today was not the time or place. It was a happy day. He was supposed to be celebrating her. 

“Javier,” she said again, placing her hand on his bicep. He looked down, eyes flickering to it. Soft hands, free of calluses from her secluded office job. He swallowed. Her hand bumped under his chin, pulling his gaze back to her like a mother to a child. “What’s going through your mind right now? Tell me.”

“I was supposed to die,” Javier said. It slipped out, almost like he wasn’t in his body, and then the weight of it hit him. He pulled out of her reach. “Shit.” He rubbed his eyes. “Now’s not the time for this conversation.”

“Talk to me,” Emily said, not taking no for an answer. 

Javier threw back the rest of the whiskey, giving it a few extra seconds before he opened his mouth again. “We got a tip about Escobar- backed up by Centra-Spike. Our boss pulled us out as we were about to leave.” 

He didn’t explain the “us.” She knew who he meant by now.

“Carillo- he-“ Javier struggled to pull the words out. Emily set her hand on his shoulder. His eyes met hers sparkling with unshed tears. “He walked right into an ambush. All of his men too. They never stood a chance. I was supposed to be with him. Steve too.

“Instead, I listened to it all go down on the fucking radio. I felt so goddamn useless.” Javier clenched his fist. 

Emily studied his face, the deep creases in his forehead, the guilt heavy across his features. He couldn’t meet her eyes. She knew it was more than the survivor's guilt. It was that child in the comuna, the teenager he watched “The Good Guys” shoot to send a message, the work he did with Los Pepes, and so much more she didn’t know about. 

Before she knew it, her fingertips dragged from his chin up his jaw. His skin was smooth under her touch like he’d shaved right before picking her up. Javier’s eyes widened, but he didn’t say a word, scared to move a muscle and spook her. He focused on her eyes as she followed her own movements over his cheek. 

As her fingers smoothed the lines in his forehead, his eyes fluttered. His head lilted to the side slightly, barely noticeable except for the extra pressure against her cool fingers. A small gasp escaped her lips, pulling Javier back to reality. When his vision came into focus, Emily met his gaze. 

“I don’t think you were supposed to die, Javier,” Emily said. She could see the dismissal of her statement in his eyes. “And I’m really glad you didn’t.”

Javier let out a long breath, tension easing with it. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to ruin your birthday.”

Emily bit her lip wondering if this was a bad time for her to share her own story. Instinct quickly took over. This is what they did. They exchanged their war stories. She slipped the worn leather wristwatch from her forearm. Javier had never seen her without it. As she revealed the underside, he understood why. The watch covered up a long thin scar. It was long enough to show the single sign of what she’d attempted to do. She’d never shown it to anyone, not even her dad. She was the only one who knew about it. Well, she, Juana, HIM, and the doctor. 

And now, Javier. 

His eyebrows knitted together as Emily bit her lip. His thumb traced over it softly. “Mustaña…”

Emily inhaled, breath shaking. “I told you I thought about it, but… I shouldn’t be alive either, Javier.” Tears filled her eyes.

“Shit.” Javier said, hands moving to her cheeks, thumbs swiping away her tears. To their belated surprise, she didn’t flinch or move away. “‘Em…”

“I had two miscarriages.” She swallowed. “One when Ale was 5 months old, another 3 months later.”

Bile rose in Javier’s throat. The bastard hadn’t given her a break, never gave her body a chance to recover.  

“When the second one happened- I’d just found out. I hadn’t even told him yet.” Javier swiped more tears away. “There was so much blood and-“

She stopped. Javier held his breath. The air felt hot and sticky around them. 

“And I thought he was going to kill me because of it.”

“Em.”

“I’m okay now.” She said, quickly cutting him off. She pulled out of his grasp. Javier’s hands dropped to his thighs feeling empty. “Even as dark as things got, I never tried again.”

She expected to see pity from Javier, the kind that felt condescending, but it never came. He took her hands in his again.

“I know.” She felt his sorrow over everything that she went through, including the things she hadn’t told him yet, and she accepted it. 

Emily bit her lip, staring into Javier’s eyes. The patio lights sparkled off of them. Something tugged at her heart, almost as if it was pulling her into him. The more she resisted it, the more the tension grew. Unfamiliar with the feeling, Emily wasn’t sure how to respond to the tug. Did she give in? Did she pull away? Her instincts and feelings screamed from opposing sides.

“Sorry for making you cry on your birthday.” 

“Technically, my birthday is tomorrow.”

Javier rolled his eyes, the smile on his face lightening the mood as he leaned back into his chair. Emily missed his proximity and tucked the thought away for later. 

“Close enough.” He said, glancing down at his watch. “I do have a surprise. Should be here any minute.”

Emily narrowed her eyes at him. “What’s that supposed to mean?”

“If I told you, it wouldn’t be a surprise.” Javier winked. He grabbed her watch, slipping it back on her wrist. He turned her arm over, finger slipping over her scar before letting the watch fall into place A quick moment, but one that lingered on her mind. “Just promise you won’t be mad.”

“What did you do?”

“I didn’t do anything.” Javier raised his hands, a smile tugging at his lips. “It was your dad’s idea.”

She crossed her arms. “Now I am worried.”

“It’s not bad.” 

“That’s what they always say.”

“Oh, I’m one of them now?” Laughter glimmered in his eyes as he teased her. 

“I'm afraid so.” She tried to keep a straight face, but the truth was, she felt excited at the premise. It was a testament to how much she trusted Javier, and it felt nice to feel almost normal for once, almost whole. 

“Why don’t you turn around then,” Javier said, pointing behind her. 

Emily caught sight of her family, accompanied by Chucho, walking across the parking lot, a big white box and balloons in hand. Her mouth dropped open. Alejandra stopped in her tracks, waving at them as she caught sight of her mother. Emily laughed, waving back. 

“Race you!” Miguelito yelled, taking off across the parking lot.

“Not fair!” Alejandra called after him, her shorter legs unable to catch up with her older brother. 

“No running in the parking lot!” Jaime called after them but it was no use as they ran into the gate laughing and out of breath. Mateo pulled against Anna’s hand, wanting to join in with his siblings, but she kept a hold of his hand. 

Emily couldn’t help but laugh. For the first time in years, the implications of a true celebration made her excited. She realized how much she actually wanted her family here. 

“I take it you’re not mad?” Javier grinned, standing to open the gate. 

“Not at all.” Emily smiled, holding her arms open as the kids ran in to greet her with hugs and kisses. 

Mateo pushed his way through his siblings, crawling up into her lap, his favorite place in the world. She kissed his head. Alejandra’s eyes roamed over Emily’s dress, fingers playing with the hem of it. “You look very pretty, Mami.”

“Thank you. So do you.” Emily spun her around. 

“I know you said no ice cream,” Jaime grinned, setting the white cake box on the table next to hers. “But you never said anything about cake.”

Emily rolled her eyes, unable to keep the smile off her face. “I also said bedtime at 8:30.”

Jaime shrugged. “Rules were made to be broken.” He pressed a kiss to his daughter’s forehead. “Happy birthday, Sweetheart.” 

“Thanks, Dad.”

Off to the side, Chucho stood next to his son as he worked on putting candles on the cake. “It was nice of you to arrange all this for her.”

Javier shrugged it off, mind focused on the task at hand. “She deserves it.”

Chucho nodded thoughtfully, taking stock of his son. “And that’s all?”

“Well, it is her birthday.” Javier felt around for a lighter, so used to having one on hand. “Do you-?”

Chucho handed his over before Javier could finish asking. He smiled at his father. “Thanks, Pops.”

“Javi?”

“What?”

Chucho searched his son’s eyes, always so expressive. He’d never been able to get away with lying to him, though Chucho did let him think he had from time to time. It kept him from becoming a better liar. The older man quickly realized now was not the time the time or place. He wasn’t sure his son had fully realized everything he was seeing. “Nothing.”

“Mr. Javi!” Alejandra joined his side. “Be careful with the cake.” 

“Always, Alejandrina,” Javier grinned, flicking the lighter to life. As he set the last one ablaze, he smiled at the girl. “Alright, start us off.” 

Ale grinned, starting The Birthday Song with one big, loud breath. The rest of the group joined in, a mixture of English and Spanish carrying through the air. Javier picked up the cake, walking it over to her. As he kneeled in front of her, presenting the flaming cake, he winked. Emily laughed, shaking her head. 

Over the glow of the birthday candles, Javier watched her eyes sparkle, her smile infectious to the world around her. He’d never seen Emily so relaxed and carefree. She smiled at him, and Javier wished he could keep this moment frozen in time for forever.

A bright flash went off, causing spots to blur his vision. “Oops,” Alejandra giggled, snatching the photo from the Polaroid camera. “Sorry.”

Emily shook her head, trying to clear the flash spot from her vision as The Birthday Song came to a close. Her eyes landed on his big brown ones. “Make a wish,” Javier said. She smiled, biting her lip in thought before taking a big breath and putting every single candle out.  

Taglist: @angelofsmalldeath-codeine

[salted15]

i have a kirby shirt on , kirby hoodie on top , AND a little kirby backpack . and i'm doing the hands . plus my hairstyle

i'm a walking autism diagnosis

[mulders-too-large-shirt]

s1 episode 12 thoughts

another episode that had me. STRESSED. OUT.

first of all... the episode being about an irish guy who sets the british aristocracy on fire... the insensitivity there is fascinating. the 90's really were a time, huh?

second of all this phoebe is very pretty and very bold to kiss mulder right in front of scully. i was shocked. and it kept getting more and more shocking! (shoutout to scully for averting her gaze when they kissed. a respectful coworker!)

and the whispered "she hates me" from phoebe and tiny waves goodbye while otherwise entirely ignoring scully's presence... yeah this is sick psychological torment

! MULDER LORE REVEAL ! he's terrified of fire! and this ex wants to get him involved on an arson case! what could go wrong? (seriously though why does he want to do this. why wasn't there another person who could take this case. i'm seeing no appeal to getting involved)

AND he leaves scully to go attend to this nonsense. betrayal.

! FURTHER MULDER LORE REVEAL ! the two broke up because she cheated on him which is revealed in the same breath as the fact that they hooked up on arthur conan doyle's grave. i will be doing my best to not psychoanalyze that and then failing. how can i look him in the eye with this knowledge.

(i think they're going for a sherlock-irene parallel here but counterpoint: i don't like it)

<3 <3 <3 scully in glasses... think my heart skipped a beat <3 <3 <3

this whole thing was soooo sick and twisted. when phoebe said "i've booked a hotel for the night" (cut to mulder in deep distress) that was evil

(also scully calling and saying she had something important and he completely blew her off... only for her to show up anyway... queen shit she literally said idgaf i'll solve ur case for you dumbass)

i'd actually like to copy out what i wrote in my notes verbatim for this next part:

"Mulder in a suit Phoebe in a backless dress. Tension is palpable oh they're dancing. SCULLY WALKED IN ON YHAT WJAT THEBHELL OH THEYREKISSING WHAT THE HELL OH SHW'S ROLLING HER EYESAT THIS OH SHE JUMPED IN"

i think that speaks for itself

but in case it DOESN'T: scully pacing outside watching them dance and kiss was distressing to me. i will reblog many gifs of this when i find them eventually. free her from this situation y'all she did NOT deserve it. luckily a fire provided an excuse to make her presence known.

when mulder was scared to go into the fire and then he passed out and then he pushed scully's hand away while she was shifting into Doctor Mode... nearly screamed. he resists the tenderness offered to him.

and then cutscene to him waking up in bed shirtless and she's there offering him water! phoebe brings him into this fire- his worst fear- and the symbolism of scully bringing him WATER!

and YET the first thing he does is: ASK FOR PHOEBE! MULDER I CANNOT KEEP MAKING EXCUSES FOR YOU (phoebe once again entirely ignores scully beyond a quick goodbye the commitment to pettiness is remarkable)

then he shows up to save the family from being lit on fire and phoebe is kissing the dad. muldershockedpikachuface.jpg (was anyone surprised. raise ur hand if u saw this coming)

but he jumped into the fire to go save the children!!! because he needs to be a hero and conquer his fears!!

i think scully had a very raw end of the deal this episode and when she knocked on his door pretending to be phoebe and asked in a british accent if he was going to buy her lunch. well. she had a good spirit about the whole thing. it's important for her to be mean to him sometimes.

during this episode i fell victim to exactly what i knew the screenwriters were doing, purposefully provoking anger in the viewer through an outrageous ex that also served as character exposition in revealing mulder's background. but once again this episode proves that dana scully deserves the world for putting up with this nonsense and somehow still choosing to have a positive attitude. give her a raise and a vacation.

[bigjimbopickens]

Might as well share here what I’ve been up to since August

Behold! Another fursuit made by yours truly. This time it’s N dog.

Photos taken at my workplace (which is a museum):

Shoutout to my photographer @wolfeylover64 fr

Some WIP photos

And next to WereJim, who was made 2 years ago now. My two little murderous canines.

The story:

The idea came almost a year ago after the N dog plushie became available, tho I dropped it as my priority was finding a job. It gets brought up again in March of this year by my grandma who ended up buying me the necessary materials. Though I didn’t start until August because I was still trying to find work and then I sprained my knee. Then my dad’s car leaked everywhere. But now he’s finally done.

Didn’t take me as long as Cupcake which is really surprising considering I only made a head, paws and tail for her. Then again, I didn’t have a sewing machine when making Cupcake. But only some of the fur for N is machine sewn along with the tail. The vinyl was by hand. Ouch!

I did all the patterns myself. I’m really happy with how the legs turned out especially since I had no idea what I was doing.

Anyways, not my usual content but it’s something neat I did so I’m sharing. I’ll be at Penti-Con on October 26th with N and the 27th with WereJim.

[ipleadbritney]

Directors cut: anything you wanna share from “scenes from a social media admin” or “love you, bye” because I’d love to hear about your process writing social media AUs! You make them flow together so well 😊

Thank you for this!! More info on director’s cut here

I’m so incredibly awed by the support my social media aus have gotten. I love writing them, and I’m super happy people love reading them, too. Funnily enough, writing love you, bye and scenes from a social media admin are SUCH different experiences. This is mostly me yapping, btw.

love you, bye

initial concept

fic started from another wip of mine

i really wanted lando to say “i love you” absentmindedly to oscar on the phone then proceeds to panic about it

i was sort of lurking actively on f1twt (i’m not anymore) during this time so i thought hey, why not just do a smau

writing/draft

speedran this in like 2 or 3 hours, which is the SHORTEST i’ve written anything ever (apart from drabbles)

i draft mostly everything in bullet points (like how i’m writing this)

i knew i wanted the following: news article, tweets, emails, tumblr post

the texting part i was unsure of, but i’m happy with how they turned out

i have placeholder names/handles for the accountz then go back to look at my recent bookmarks to see which fics i’ve loved recently. my brain got wiped thinking of handles so i just got inspired by other fics (AND THERE’S SO MUCH TO BE INSPIRED FROM IN LANDOSCAR FICS)

i wrote the beginning, middle, and ending of this in one-go and they mostly stayed the same

structure

in terms of structure, i didn’t follow much for this love you, bye. it’s a fairly short fic

but i did know i wanted the tweets to carry most of the narrative

we see posts chronologically

first, we see the news article for the info-dump, then everything else follows

specific inspiration

here’s my list of fic references

special shoutout to this tweet, which was inspired by nyoomfruit’s love you with the lights on (olivia’s the name of oscar’s kid. in the tweets, she goes from being a brocedes child of divorce to two loving dads)

fun facts

in the fic, the tumblr post is by “time-in-the-tangerine”. i didn’t have a tumblr back then. life imitates art

scenes from a social media admin

initial concept

it was supposed to be a third pov, some random pr dude who suffers bc of landoscar antics

the first part i ever wrote was the to do list

but the idea wouldn’t take flight

i only started grinding for this after seeing how much people loved love you, bye and how much i loved writing it

i knew i wanted it to have something love you, bye didn’t: pictures, more unconventional formatting, MICROSOFT TEAMS CALENDARS???

turned the random pr dude to lando himself

writing

from writing to publishing, it took me 2 months

i wanted to sprinkle some tropes in this one but gave up halfway through (their first meeting being a whole oh-god-there’s-only-one-bed)

i collected a bunch of initial pics i wanted to put, then wrote scenes around them. i mostly wrote around pictures, which is. not optimal. but hey!! finished it, didn’t i?

this took me so long to write because i didn’t know how i wanted their relationship to progress

all i knew was that our perspective is lando’s phone. like. HIS ACTUAL PHONE

structure

i definitely made a more conscious decision to break up different formats in between each other

every few tweets you get something new

unlike love you, bye this one took place across months. i had a rough time conveying time passing. suspension of disbelief is needed, so sorry

specific inspiration

here’s my list of fic references

david malukas got dropped from mclaren so i wrote him being a quadrant athlete. pato's also there as this bundle of bright energy. an ode to "canon" landoscar. because pato and lando really are just. look at their podium shots. golden boys for a reason.

i wanted lando and oscar to pass around that white mclaren hat like they can't just buy another one.

random pictures i think that capture the fic's essence (wag lando during bahrain testing in his beanie and osc merch, probably)

characters

ooooh so for this one, i knew i wanted lando to leave mclaren at the end. he has quadrant, he still has all that passion and creativity. he would always leave, and being with oscar both complicates and simplifies it. also, he's a “conflict of interest”.

also how can he live his full wag-lifestyle if he's under zak brown's payroll????

most of lando and oscar's development happens off-screen, which is deliberate. we see lando's phone, but we're skipping through milestones with him and oscar. they're happening off-screen, off-phone. trust.

imagining oscar falling in love with a media staff is. something. it all hinges on that first meeting, that late-night conversation. daniel and him have a wildly different dynamic from him and lando (“canon”), and i think talking with someone young and driven is good for oscar's soul.

In conclusion, I don't write SMAUs. The demons write SMAUs through me. I think of one good scene then write everything else around them. In love you, bye, it's the phone call that triggers everything else. In scenes from a social media admin, it's the pictures.

I love args (in theory, I rarely follow along with any of them because I get overwhelmed) so I love playing around with unconventional formats. More often than not, I CUT content from my drafts. Less explaining, more theorizing. I look at smaus as snapshots, where most of the story happens outside the readers’ reach. Part of it is laziness, though. Formatting shaves years off of my life.

Thank you for letting me yap through the director's cut. If any of you have any more specific questions about my smaus or fics, the ask box is open 😉