#should we do it bachelor style?

[afterredlights]

Max's words still bounce around in my head.

Verstappen said, “I actually don’t worry about it. Because in the end, whoever is next to me, ultimately, at the end of the year he must finish behind me in the championship anyway.”

So, he's looking for someone capable enough to tail him in the championship. Whether it might be Checo who is an absolute team player, or anybody else, whoever it is must finish 2nd.

They would have to sign the contract knowing full well that they'll be second to Max, especially to the media. So, whoever it is better be someone who can keep up with Max or good enough to challenge Max for the championship.

Either way, take a look at this.

Max is a consistent block, so he's probably not moving from that spot unless he DNF-ed a lot or got a race ban or something.

Checo is in a good place, and is the most appropriate for Max in the future as they have a good rapport already. Charles will still bleed and breathe Red even after he wins a championship (very likely) with Ferrari, and probably won't budge unless something happens. Carlos is... Available.

He was Max's first teammate in F1, they both started in that elite grid together. He is still the only non-Red Bull to have won a race in who knows how long. He's been popping up on the podium this far in the season, and frankly, should Red Bull decide to ditch Checo after his remarkable seasons with them, is there another option beside Carlos??

From Max's perspective, he only wants the best and since he is the best, he'll only take the second best as his teammate. In which case, there are two possible choices in regards to pilots who are truly behind him and available: Checo and Carlos.

Right now, the pilots from P5 until P10 are locked and booked already. Below them, Nico will be off to Sauber and I'm not sure who else might be up to it.

2025 will see a shuffled deck, with more or less the same song and dance, me thinks.. but, still.

Who will Max be paired up with next season?

[dilf-docs]

Where Art Thou, Why Not Uponeth Me?

renaldo x younger!reader

summary: he wasn't even your uncle anymore, having divorced your aunt about five years ago. but of course here he was, the life of the party, crashing your sister's wedding. (alternatively: your fun bachelor uncle crashes your sister's wedding and then your pussy in the bathroom while everyone else is drunk or dancing, based on my own tweet)

warnings: 18+ (minors dni), age gap (50/25), pwp, p. in v., public sex, oral (m. receiving), rough sex, doggy style, bit of degradation + pain + humiliation kink (this combo fr), exhibition kink, forced creampie, no mommy kink but he calls her mami (as in a petname), nasty!renaldo (he's a chavorruco latin lover asshole with serious commitment and flirting issues), sprinkles of angst ig?

word count: 5,130 words

side note: the snl series is back because i definetely work harder than the devil. yes, don't underestimate a horny touch starved virgin writer who hyperfixiates for a living. this filthy public sex (another episode of the writer's poorly disguised fetish) is inspired by pedro!renaldo in the newest domingo sketch (God, i love marcello my short king) because the crash out i had after it ended (sabrina, bad bunny, andy samberg and pedro all in a room singing espresso they did it for me i fear) and snl 50 in overall was kinda cathartic; i hadn't wrote like this since my sebstan days (wdyk about dilf-docs lore huh). here's some renaldo latin lover dick for you my lovely new citizens BECAUSE WE HIT A 1K POPULATION

You take a sip from the bubbly alcohol, the sweet taste in your lips as you savor your surroundings: music blasting through the speakers, the sound of glasses and cutlery, mellow conversations and the loud buzzing behavior your family is known for; everyone is here.

You lean to your left.

"Tía Elena is a drink away from blacking out" shouting over the music.

"Te apuesto cinco dólares a que se cae en la pista" (i bet you five dollars she falls in the dance floor)

You smile back mischievously at your brother. "Deal"

Your cousin Marcello pops up from behind, hovering like a fly over the food. Was it a thing in your family to be this fucking nosy all the time?

"What are y'all doing?"

Your other cousin Benito joins the circle, speaking over the song:

"They betting Tía Elena will fall again" he laughs, "como en la última reunión" (like in the last meeting)

"Hey! Esa es mi mamá" Marcello protests. (that's my mom)

"Jesus, Beni" you hit his shoulder playfully, "what a snitch"

"There's nothing else going on, is it?" your brother argues back in defense. "Can't blame us for trying to be entertained y tu mamá por no dejar la botella" (and your mom for not putting the bottle down)

"If you all went dancing, like me, you'd had fun" he huffs, crossing his arms.

Benito laughs, "you call that dancing?"

Marcello rolls his eyes, "I'm gonna go somewhere where they appreciate me and the art of moving your body with rhythm"

"Ain't no one stopping you!" your brother quips.

You laugh at the men's antics, looking at the dancefloor. Your eyes catch your sister, moving gracefully in her white dress, that twirls with the music. She's all smiles, and has never looked this pretty before, the happiness bouncing off her like the floral perfume she's wearing, akin to the smell of the flower arrangements hanging on the walls. It may be the day or that you'd always been a romantic, but today you had almost ruined your makeup at every chance: crying over her entrance, over the vows, over the speeches, the first dance... God, you love weddings as much as you love your sister.

"You men are insufferable" you take a long sip, "I need more female energy here but all I see is you" to prove so, your eyes dart across the room, full of drunk tíos laughing loudly while shoving alcohol down their throats, all the women on the dancefloor, where you should be. But you haven't, not since #he stopped showing around to drag you by force.

Benito snickers.

"Si tía Ana hubiera venido, tal vez" (if aunt ana had come, maybe)

You click your tongue, expression awkward. She had stopped coming to the meetings all together, like she had become suddenly allergic to her family.

"Ay, Beni" you sigh. "You know she hasn't been the same since..."

In some ways, you hadn't either.

"Yeah" he agrees.

"Oh, I would've gone mad too, you know" your brothers raises his glass. "After-"

"Well, but she's the one missing out!" Marcello adds with a loud cackle, interrupting him.

Benito looks behind him, smirking "Weren't you gonna leave?"

You all laugh at your younger cousin. "Ustedes ya no tienen respeto por nadie" (you guys don't respect anyone)

"You're supposed to respect your elders" you rob a champagne flute from a waiter passing by, the glass meeting your lips. "Not annoying cousins"

You look at both your brother and Beni, waiting for them to jump on the teasing, but they're both looking at the entrance of the venue. If their jaw is tight, brows furrowed and eyes wide open, it musn't been good.

"Pero, ¿tú me estás jodiendo?" (are you fucking kidding me?)

You follow your cousin Benito's gaze after his little comment, and the tranquil champagne now bubbles in your throat up violently, making you cough.

"What is happening?" Marcello jumps, placing himself in the middle of you all. He looks frantically around, until he meets the object of your attention, specifically, person. "Is that-?"

"Yes" you find your voice after a cough, "its uncle Ren"

In all his glory. Well, more like ex-uncle. But God, didn't he look good? Of course, that's the important part and not finding out the reason why the hell he's showing up to your sister's wedding when he's not legally part of your family anymore, not since about five years ago, when he divorced your aunt Ana. You've only heard of him as of late, your tías whispering past Christmas about how they'd seen Ren at the beach, whistling at younger ladies in clad bikins with his old gang of bachelors he used to run with before settling in. How fitting.

Talking about divorce... It did him good. Not to take digs at your aunt, but as he walks in with that confident strut of his, gold chain on that broad chest of him, glowing under the lights, hair neatly trimmed and gelled back, some more greys on his hair than you remembered, and that mustache and fucking goatee... He flashes everyone a charming smile with his full pearly whites and dimple on display, going to hug your sister who looks as confused and surprised as you do. But uncle Ren always gave the best hugs, so she accepts when he wraps her up in his embrace that smells like sandalwood, leather and cigs, strong arms caging her smaller frame. The biceps flex, and you wonder if he has started hitting the gym, despite his age.

You squirm in your seat, finishing the flute in a long sip that drags like a cigarrette.

"Jesus Christ" your brother shakes his head. "Dude's not got an ounce of shame on that body"

More like that sturdy body.

"Well, that's uncle Renaldo to you" Beni adds with a shrug of his shoulders.

"Ex-uncle" you feel the need to clarify for no reason.

"No puedo creer que se atreva a aparecer después de como terminó todo con la tía Ana" Marcello coaxes. (can't believe he has the nerve to show up after how things ended with aunt ana)

"Divorcing her?" you ask with a barely contained snicker. The men all look at you and sigh.

Alright, your preference to your uncle had never gone completely unnoticed, especially in a family as attentive as yours. But it was impossible not to fall under (ex)uncle Ren's spell: you suppose that is the reason it took your aunt so long to divorce him, despite their broken marriage that had been going on for years. Because while he could be the funniest and most easy-going person in the room, he too was a serial flirter who didn't stop a sleazy smile bearing all his whites or unwarrented compliment coming out of his plump lips. He had never cheated on her, but it was hard to believe he hadn't. Renaldo knew he was hot, and that made him dangerous.

No wonder your aunt clinged so hard to their sinking ship. You still remember how proud she was when he brought him in first. Call him uncle Ren, she had insisted. After that, he started showing up around more, and then there was a ring on her finger she couldn't stop talking about. They were married for ten years, separated for six and divorced since five. Didn't have any kids, despite how much your aunt wanted them. Never had time, probably wasting it crying about his late homecomings and missed calls, mind busy in heart-breaking thoughts and a frail homelife, bound to be torn apart by his bachelor mindset that had been attractive first; how she'd fallen for the man who lighted up your barbacues and taught you how to ride your bike, even kicking an ex-boyfriend's ass once. He couldn't handle all this, he whispered on that seductive voice of his, and it was so hard to not stare and drool like a fucking dog, face burning up. Maybe it started then, when you were twenty, and you hadn't looked back ever since.

"Ah, mis sobrinos!" you all look up, and you know that deep rich sultry voice all too well. (my nephews!)

Speaking of the devil, he's coming to your table, all smiles like all the women who took Ana's side hadn't stopped dancing to glare at him. He gives a loud shout to the men across the room, and they all salute back, despite his reputation, because some of them still saw him at their bar runs, too funny and charming to pass up on his company. Renaldo is wearing something a bit too casual for the occasion, but hot damn, he looks too good.

"Ya no somos tus sobrinos, Ren" Beni corrects, but Renaldo quickly dismisses the younger man. (we're no longer your nephews)

"Familia siempre es familia" he counters. He hugs everyone of you, and when it's your turn, your body can't help but stiffen at first, then relax on arms that do indeed feel stronger. Ren still smells the same. (family is forever)

"You've been hitting the gym, uncle Ren" you giggle, champagne speaking up for you. "Sorry, just Renaldo"

He smirks while licking his lips, like he's savoring the sound of his name only on your voice. "You were always an observer, weren't you, doll?" he oggles you up and down, while your brother scoffs at your heating cheeks. "You look just about fine yourself too"

Those tight black pants, remembering legs you had seen before in shorts, hairy and strong, but what catches you the most is the big silhoutte between them, still noticeable under the strobbing lights. You gulp, and when you look up to him again, his gaze is dark even when he's smirking. You think he's noticed.

"What are you doing here?" your brother cuts the moment, and you have to roll your eyes.

"Coming to my sobrina's wedding, of course" he responds easily, like his answer is supposed to make sense.

"She isn't your nephew anymore, Ren" Benito stands up, his height clashing with his. "So why don't you leave, old man, huh? You ain't welcome anymore"

He opens his mouth, but Beni cuts him.

"And don't give me that familia bullshit. If you cared, you'd have saved your marriage"

Renaldo's jaw tightens as you three watch the tense exchange.

"Yo amaba a tú tía" he defends himself. "All this family" (i loved your aunt)

"Well" your brother is the next to stand up, "you should've showed it when it mattered"

You wish for times to be simpler: when he'd be in the middle of the dance floor, moving while singing along outloud until everyone would be forced to join him, allured by his larger than life character and playful disposition, accompanied by his attractive features. Renaldo was a force of nature that not even you were spared from: his thunderous presence turned your life upside down from the moment you became a woman and your silly crush roamed into deep uncharted territories, where your heart beat too loud and your gaze lingered on the forbidden, taking every wink and compliment uttered by that grave voice of his, savoring all the interactions you could yet it was never enough.

"You should leave" Marcello backs them up, making Renaldo tsk.

"What about you, doll? Want Ren to leave?" you react, body tense when you realize he's talking to you, your brother and cousins waiting for your answer. "We ain't even danced yet, remember? Like before"

"Time's up" a new figure emerges. Papá Francisco, Ana's father and your great uncle. "You should've thought about that before, amigo" friend, spoken in a mocking tone.

"Alright, pops" he chuckles, but it's humorless, while he raises his arms in mock surrender. "I just wanted to see my beautiful girls all grown up on Natalia's special day"

"Just the girls?" a voice scoffs behind. Awesome, now your great aunt is here. "Leave. You have now seen them"

Why can't anyone just mind their own bussiness?

(You probably weren't being fair, but Jesus, couldn't you enjoy a bit of time with a man you crushed on and hadn't seen in five years?)

"Hola, Imelda. Looking nice" and he takes her hand and kisses it. Oh, how you wish to be her, who removes her palm with a flustered face.

"What's going on?"

Now your sister has come to where a small crowd has formed, a frown on her beautiful face. Her husband trails behind.

"Nada, Nati. Tu vuelve a la pista y disfruta tu boda" Beni dismisses. (nothing, nati. go back to the dancing floor and enjoy your wedding)

"Well, you've made it my bussiness by having this conversation on my wedding, as you say" she sighs tiredly, running a hand through her hair. "Why don't you just leave him alone and we all go back to our thing, yeah?"

"No" Renaldo, who had been quiet, speaks up. "I know where I'm not welcomed" that earns a mocking Do you? from your brother and Beni scoffs. "I'll leave now" then turns around one last time, boots marking their steps with a clicking sound that echoes off the walls, despite the music still playing. "Have a nice life, Nati. Wish you the best"

You watch his back getting farther and farther away, getting lost in the sea of bodies on the dance floor. Your heart plummets and you can't he's gone again from your life, just like that.

"Show's over, gente. Go back to the party" Papá Francisco speaks in a harsh tone, filled with finality.

You try, you do, even going to the dance floor with the men, dancing around with a friend of Nati's husband who asks for your Instagram handle when the song ends, but your mind is elsewhere.

"Excuse me" you tell him with a sweet smile, and he makes you swear you'll give him your username when you're back.

Taking advantage on everyone's bliss, you quietly sneak away from the dance floor, walking towards the gardens.

One thing you'll always admire of your sister, is her attention to detail. She had chosen this particular venue for it's ample gardens, choosing for a reception on the open due to the favoring weather conditions on summer.

The dress clings to your body as the windy breezes by, and you hug your body, cursing your heels that have now started to hurt. You spot the rose bushes your sister had trimmed, looking as beautiful as the first day you saw them on the rehearsal.

"You should've stayed inside"

You jump then relax when you see him, cigarrette dangling from his mouth.

"Here" you take out a lighter from your purse. His face comes closer, hot breath on your face until the click casts a small flame that flickers light over his ageing features. He's aged fine like wine, and by the smirk he gives you before taking a drag, Renaldo's aware of it, maybe about the effect he has on you.

"Thank you, sweetheart" his big hand finds its way to the bush, rustling some leaves. In a harsh tug, he cuts a rose, and you laugh in surprise. "Here"

You smile. "I don't think you're supposed to cut these"

"But it's beautiful, isn't it?" his hands brush yours when you take the gift. "As beautiful as the lady"

A pool of heat forms in your stomach. He's complimented you before, sure, but never has the air felt this charged before, a lurking dangerous anticipation condensed on his smoke trails and your shaky breaths.

"I'm sorry you had to leave"

Renaldo is still close to you. You get a whiff of his cologne, mixed with the cigarette; it's intoxicating. Your eyes dart to the chain, and you wonder how would it look-

"They made me leave" he corrects with a chuckle, a deep rumble coming from his chest.

"Right" you laugh, feeling nervous all of the sudden. "My bad, Ren"

"You didn't want me to leave, did you, doll?" the new wave of petnames makes your legs weak. "Also..." he makes a brief pause, the cigarette now dropped and stomped against the grass. "I like the way that sounds"

Before you realize, his fingers are ghosting over your lip, brushing until some of the matte shade coats his calloused thumb.

His fingers then move to your chin, applying a light pressure to your skin, but enough to bruise.

"Say it again"

"W-what?" you ask, barely a breath.

"Say it, y/n" his face is just inches away from yours. You have to bite your lip to hide out a whine from the sound of your name on his voice. "I know you want to"

"R-Ren" you choke out, fluttering eyelids at the way the pressure doesn't falter.

"Now be a good girl and spell my full name like it's the only thing you know"

The following whimper you can't contain it; the praise gets to you.

"Renaldo"

His brown eyes adquire a dark shade that even in the low moonlight, you notice.

"So pliant, doll. For me?"

You nod dumbly, completely fucked out of your mind, warning sirens barely a buzz in the back of your head. Be it the alcohol, or the lack of control you had when it came to him, its impossible to resist the want to fall.

A beat. "Might reward you for that"

He crashes his mouth into yours, full force, in a heated, hungry and messy kiss. He sucks your lips so hard they for sure will bruise, an action very fitting with his strong and absorbing character. His tongue is wet and sloppy, giving you no space to breathe as you grant him access, wrapping your hands around his midsection, pulling him closer.

Renaldo chuckles, letting you gasp for air. "So needy, aren't you? Always were like this. So demanding; wanna have things your way"

"I see you know me well, don't you?" you bat your eyelashes.

"It's impossible to ignore you, you goddamn tease" your fingers trace through his broad back, tanned skin soft that your nails feel the need to dig. You once eavesdropped on your aunt gushing to your tías about how he loved nails-- long fresh manicured nails; red for the win. "Fucking temptress"

Renaldo groans into your mouth. "Think I wouldn't notice how you looked at me with this hungry eyes, huh?" he bites your lips so hard you taste blood. "Might as well just said it"

He forces his tongue inside of you again, making your body squirm as he presses his weight over you, back pinned to the bushes, the leaves tickling your skin. Ren now swallows a whine of yours, dick throbbing hard at your needy sounds.

He then detaches his mouth from yours, a silver string of saliva connecting you two.

"Still can't fucking say it"

But he insists you're the tease.

You cock an eyebrow. "Never was good with words. How about this?"

Renaldo holds your gaze as you descend, until your knees hit the grass. Your fingers toy with his pants until you pull them down, following with his underwear.

"Oh, doll. Consider me interested" as if his cock wasn't leaking with precum.

Your lips begin to wrap around the tip of his cock, then swallow him whole, eager and so fucking cock starved. Soon, you pick up a rapid pace, your tongue doing God knows what but his jaw is tense from keeping the sounds from coming out, but aren't you testing his limits? Slurping on his damn cock like you've been deprived of it all your life. In a way, you have, and you don't waste time in not sucking the living soul out of him.

Your eyes look up, chest warm and pussy wet at the pleasure etched across his face, and he looks at you, at your drooly mess for sucking his dick.

He tugs your hair harshly, making you gag.

"I wanna see you" he gathers your hair up into a makeshift ponytail to keep it out of your face. "Keep going-"

A grunt escapes his lips, cutting himself off. You clasp your thighs together looking for some pressure to ease yourself a little, your mouth busy still gagging, sank down until you feel his balls. The tip of his cock is buried in your throat, lodged so fucking deliciously in the back. You let it out, and Renaldo groans.

"The fuck you do that for?" comes out his complain, voice strained.

"I needed my mouth to speak" you clean some drool on your face. "Need you to do something for me" he clears his throat as letting you speak. "I want you to fuck my mouth"

"Carajo, muñeca" you place a little kiss on his inner thigh. "You're so fucking dirty, who would've thought?" (fuck, doll)

Your chest rises and falls, lips parted while a string of saliva coats them.

"Alright, wanna see if you're just talk, you cock hungry whore" Ren smirks devilishly. "I'm gonna ruin the fuck out of you"

He gathers you by your hair and shoves you back down, hips bucking with a movement so brash you choke. Your pretty eyes water and your fake eyelashes get wet. Renaldo continues to buck his hips up and force you down, choking and spit sounds making his dick hard as he throws his head back with half-lidded eyes.

His big cock stuffing your throat feels like a dream and he knows you're enjoying it.

A little content smile graces his lips, and he can feel his abdomen tightening. He bucks his hips up faster, forcing your head down deeper, panting as you gag on his cock, and when his grip on your hair falters and his body shakes, you know he's close.

"Little slut" he teases with a hoarse voice, "do you want to eat my cum that badly?"

Your answer comes in the form of sucking him off to drive him to the edge, refusing to pull out.

"Entonces hártatelo, puta" (then gorge on it, slut)

He fills your throat up with his cum, sputtering and swallowing down as much as you can while he holds you in place. You gasp for air when he finally lets you go, a mix of cum and drool running down your chin.

"A fucking expert, doll. Five stars" his finger brushes over your skin. "Look at this mess 'cause you were too fucking hungry. Lick it"

Your chest heaves, but you get close to the fingers, sucking on them. It tastes like him and you, the sensation making both your cunt and chest warm. You don't hold yourself back and look at him all the time, the sucking sound as obscene as the latest.

Suddenly, in the quiet of the night, you can't think of anything else.

But then leaves rustle, yet none of you have moved.

"Y/n?"

Shit, It's Beni. You then recognize Marcello and your brother, trailing behind.

"Looks like we gotta go" he laughs, amused. You can only feel your face burn. "Ah, no te preocupes, muñeca. I know a place. Follow me" (don't worry, doll)

Renaldo has taken you to a fucking bathroom, just meters away from the venue. But the music is loud, and no one notices the two people hurriedly getting inside, like dumb horny teenagers.

"Jesus" he pants, and you click the door. He reaches for your face, carressing your warm skin before ghosting over your lips. "Now, where were we?"

The kiss.

Again, it's rushed, rough and impatient, like he too had been waiting a lifetime to taste you.

Renaldo pushes you against the bathroom's wall, making you moan when his larger frame cages yours. You're drowning of him: his smell, his sweat that starts to pool, the heat radiating off his body, the view you have of his veins and tense muscles, that fuckass chain... It's all now yours.

He gropes your body, testing forbidden waters until now. Then, his hand leaves your ass and reaches for your exposed inner thigh. His greedy fingers wander into the upper cut of your dress without any warning and head for your clit. The older man hisses, feeling your wet patch, rubbing teasingly through the thin material of your laced panties you now feel lucky to have chosen, arousing you even more. You feel them damp and sticky while tilting your head back in pleasure and he takes the chance to paint bruises all over your neck and collarbone. 

"Renaldo" you moan his name as his tongue licks the exposed skin of your collarbone, trailing dangerously close to the valley of your tits, pushed up thanks to the dress. He bites down on the crook of your neck, skin inviting.

"Glitter, baby?" he chuckles at how it seems to shimmer. Your friend Sabrina had convinced you to do it, even borrowing you hers; it smelled like vainilla.

"What's this, huh? You youngsters never fail to amaze me" with a sleazy smile that makes your pussy clench, more when he open his mouth to show you his sparkling tongue.

"Oh? We're just getting started" you pant as his fingers slide through the seam of your panties, gracing your entrance. "I'm full of surprises"

"Little minx, I like that sassy mouth of yours" you roll your hip to reach out for his teasing fingers, "we're about to find out"

You repeat the motion, cunt aching for his touch, but end up gracing his pulsating strained bulge with your upper belly in the process. He stops, the black pants looking uncomfortable-- fighting to be freed.

"Fuck, mami. Need'a be inside you" you nod too eagerly, lips parted open. His hand graces your ass. "Now turn around"

You obey without thinking twice, and he pushes your face down on the counter with a harsh demanor.

"You won't move, right?" you hum, despite his hand placing on your neck and the other grabs your waist hashly, fingers digging in the skin to keep you still. You whimper at the light pain, "Good girl"

He pulls down your panties until they fall down to the floor, then hikes your dress up, exposing your ass.

"Nice, mami" he whistles, "I like what I see"

To prove so, he uses his hands to part your legs and spread them open, his other hand undoing his pants for the second time during that night.

"Tell me how much you want this" but he's already pushing the head of his cock into your folds. His tip brushes your soaking clit, and it sends a delicious but painful shiver that coarses through your body.

"Badly" you cry out.

"Tus deseos son órdenes, muñeca" he purrs. "Despite it all, I'm a gentleman" (your wish is my command, doll)

In one swift move, he pushes his length into your slick folds. "So wet, doll. 'S it for me?" you nod and he laughs, "gonna reward you for that"

He pulls his cock out and then slams it all inside, burying himself to the hilt.

You jerk under his hold at the sudden move, feeling all his girth in your walls, trying to take him. A breathy moan falls from your lips.

"Shh, don't move" he leans down to whisper in your ear, "music is loud but it ain't gonna do miracles to cover up those slut sounds out of you"

He doesn't ask for permission, only increasing the pressure of your face against the counter, the cold burning against your cheek, and begins to move inside of you, soon picking up an erratic pace, his pelvic area slamming into your ass. Fuck, your eyes sting from the brutal force of each thrust as he forces into you, movements sloppy, and the obscene sound of skin clapping against skin feeling the now feeling even smaller bathroom, that is starting to get hotter and more humid. You can't really see the mirror, but can imagine it fogging up.

"Tell me how it feels" Renaldo pants, his grip on your waist increasing in pressure. "Wanna hear you say how much you love my cock, little puta" (whore)

"S-so goo-good" you sputter out.

"'S that why you had to suck me off in the garden?" he chuckles darkly. "Couldn't even fucking wait, didn't care to be caught like a fucking whore by tus primos y hermano. No, you wanted Renaldo's cock so fucking badly you got on your knees as soon as he came back into your life" his words should make you feel embarrassed, but you moan at the string of humiliating and lewd words. "Bet you thought about it since forever, heh? You opportunist cocksleeve. That you touched yourself to this even when I was with Ana"

"C-couldn't help it, Ren. Wanted you so so bad" you cry. "Always have"

"Fucking filthy little shit" he whistles, "you're no good girl. You're a real bad girl"

You whine, turning into a moaning mess, blabbering nonsense.

"I-I need to-"

"Go on, tell Renaldo what you need"

"Need to c-cum" you gasp, walls clenching around his cock, your eyes battling to remain open.

He leans down, bitting your earlobe. Then, he kisses it, his smokey scent carresing your hot skin.

"Go on, baby. Wanna see you take all of my seed until it drips from your legs" he grunts, his thrusts sloppy and messy like his kisses. "I need'a see you walkin' back inside so everyone knows what you did, you filthy slut. For everyone to see what's mine"

You see stars, pussy gushing over his dick. His thrusts loose rhythm, and you know he's out for blood.

"W-wait!" you feel the overestimulation as his dick twitches inside you.

"You said you'd behave" he pants, his hold still firm. "So don't be such a fucking bitch and let me cum too, mami. You aren't cruel, are you?"

"N-no"

"Then you'll let me do this" his cock spasms, "and this"

His seed spurts inside of you, thick whiteness dripping down your ass and thigh as your pussy milks it. Some spills on the floor, some drops on your dress and some on his pants, black pants, making him hiss.

"Fuck" he curses, while pulling out. "See that?"

"Oh, I see" you chuckle dryly. "But you forget only one of us is going back to the wedding"

He chuckles, taking in the sight of you: dress ruined, hair damp, run makeup and cum-stained legs. Despite it all, you're still so pretty, and he can't believe a girl he used to call sobrina five years ago has now taken his dick like a fucking champ. Renaldo tugs some loose strands behind your ear, sleazy smiling at you.

"I have a solution" his finger traces your arm, taunting.

You want to stretch your time with him. God knows when you'll see him again.

"Yeah?"

"No awkward questions, no explanations, and more of this" he signals his dick; it's still pulsating, dear Lord. How old was this guy again?

You shouldn't bear any hopes or hop on his truck that probably reeks of ashes and rum. But you never had any sense when it came to Renaldo, and now that you've tasted him, nothing will ever be the same.

"I'm all ears"

cr: divider @kodaswrld / gif @a7estrellas

[misctf]

Trouble at the Bachelor Party

“Dude! This is sick!”

“Bro, you’re telling me.” Liam replied, as him and his two friends explored the penthouse.

It was fully decked out. A massive flatscreen in the living room, a fully stocked bar, a beautiful view of the beach. It was everything Liam could’ve wanted. Initially, when his soon to be father-in-law offered his penthouse for the bachelor party, Liam was shocked. Mr. Reynolds often used phrases like “irresponsible”, “waste of time”, and “not good enough for my daughter” when talking about Liam. And he wasn’t afraid to let Liam know too.

“Dude! There’s a flatscreen in each bedroom too!” Chris shouted from down the hall, “Fuck, you were right. This guy’s loaded!”

It was true. Liam was marrying the heiress of a massive tech company. And Mr. Reynonds was certainly loaded. But despite his reassurances that he loved Susie, not their money, the older man viewed him suspiciously. Liam came from a pretty humble background and the world of upper class living wasn’t something he was used to. But perhaps letting them use his penthouse was Mr. Reynolds’s way of showing acceptance.

“Okay boys.” Liam said, “We have a few days here. Let’s make ‘em count.” He tossed Jeremy and Chris each a beer. After a quick toast to what was going to be the most incredible bachelor party on Earth, they downed their beers.

________________

“Lookin’ good.” Liam chuckled as he inspected himself in the mirror, “Can’t believe you’re actually getting hitched.” He flexed his bicep, “Sorry ladies, I’m off the market. Oof, I’ll have to practice that line a bit.” He grinned.

Leaving the bathroom, he found Jeremy sipping a beer on the couch. He was shirtless, wearing a pair of blue swim trunks. His dark brown hair was well styled, and his face clean shaven. He had that boy-next- door look that caused the ladies to swoon.

“Yo Jeremy, what’s up?”

“Not much, just texting Sarah.” He replied, “I forgot to let her know I got here safe and she’s pissed.”

“Oh shit dude.” Liam patted his friend on the back, “I feel for you.” Sarah could be scary when she was angry, but otherwise she was a solid 10. Liam looked forward to the day Jeremy proposed.

“All good.” Jeremy sighed, “Where the fuck is Chris?” Liam shrugged, “He kept me up all fucking night. Fucker must’ve been horny. I’ve never heard anyone moan so loud in my life.”

“Not even Sarah?” Jeremy didn’t seem amused.

“Seriously, we need to get him a girlfriend or something.”

Liam chuckled, “I guess I slept through it.”

“Lucky you.” The door to Chris's room suddenly opened and both men turned.

“Hey boys, sorry to keep you waiting!” The sing songy voice threw them both off, and Liam’s jaw dropped when he saw Chris. His muscles were proudly on display as always. But it was the tight speedo showing off his impressive bulge that shocked him, “Oh, is something wrong?” His voice carried a breathy sultriness, which was unusual for their bro.  

“Dude, I’m not one to judge, but don’t you think that’s a bit risqué?” Jeremy asked, raising an eyebrow, “What would Jesus say?” It was well known Chris was religious. In fact, Liam and Chris had met at their college’s church.

Chris shrugged and ran a hand through his curly light brown hair, “Oh this? You like?” He grinned and did a quick pose, “Come on boys, we’re burning daylight!” He said, sauntering towards the door.

________________

The walk to the beach was uncomfortable. Chris walked ahead of his two buddies at an unusually fast pace, his firm ass jiggling with each step. Liam didn’t even know where to begin. What the fuck had gotten into Chris? Usually they’d have to drag him to parties and give him pep talks to boost his confidence. But now? He was certainly turning heads.

“Wait, guys! Did you see that?” Chris asked, turning to his friends and waving excitedly, “That guy over there was totally checking me out!”

“Um, so what?” Jeremy asked, “Why do you care?”

“Do you think I should go after him? He was totally cute. And that ass- just wow.” Liam and Jeremy’s eyes widened, “What?”

“Are you gay?” Liam asked bluntly.

Chris placed a hand to his chin and shrugged, “Like totally! Since like forever probably.”

“Makes sense.” Jeremy said, “Repressed religious guys. It’s a thing.” But Liam was still having a somewhat hard time believing it. Was all their prior bro talk really a lie?

“Oh! He’s getting away!” Chris whined, “I’ll catch up with you later!” He blew them each a kiss and briskly walked over to the man from earlier, leaving Liam shook.

________________

Hours went by without hearing from Chris, and Liam’s mood tanked. Jeremy tried to cheer him up back at the penthouse. Beers and the big game on a flatscreen. Should’ve been perfect. But it wasn’t. Liam knew that Chris being gay shouldn’t matter. Good for him, right?

“Oh my god, that was incredible.” Chris said, gasping as he entered the penthouse, “How are my two besties doing?”

“Would’ve liked you around.” Liam replied, “It’s my bachelor party after all.”

Chris dramatically placed a hand to his sweaty chest, “Sue me for having fun!” His voice cracked and he headed towards his room, “If anyone needs me, I’ll be in my room.”

Liam didn’t reply. Sure, Chris is gay. Fine. But acting like a stereotypically fruity drama queen? That didn’t make sense to him. He turned to Jeremy.

“Look, its late and I’m tired. The game sucks anyway.” He said, “I’m off to bed.”

“Same bro. Gotta be up early for our tee time anyway.”

They went to their respective bedrooms. Once there, Jeremy sighed. He hated seeing his friend like this, but what could he do? Talk to Chris maybe? He'd try to salvage this party. But when he finally got comfortable in bed, the TV suddenly turned on. He was greeted by static.

“Weird.” He mumbled. He tried to turn it off with the remote, but failed. Sighing, he got out of bed to turn it off. But as he got closer, he could hear a voice. It was soft, but forceful.

“You are a gay slut. You like to fuck men.”

Jeremy raised an eyebrow, “What the fuck?” He whispered. But the voice only got louder.

“You are a gay slut. Your dick only gets hard for men.” Jeremy felt woozy as the voice reverberated in his head.

“No, I’m straight... I like...” He moaned loudly as the voice drowned out his thoughts. At this point, the screen was flashing various scenes of gay porn and Jeremy’s dick started to swell, “No... fuck...” He breathed out, “I-I... ughhh.” He tried to imagine tits and his nights with Sarah. But these thoughts were instead swapped out with images of juicy, jiggling bubble butts and twerking men.   

“You are a dominant top. You only fuck men.”

“I-I’m a gay slut?” Jeremy questioned, “I only like to fuck men?” That didn't sound right. Right? He never...

"You are a dominant top. Twinks are lucky to ride your dick."

His eyes became half lidded and vacant as the words carved his new reality.

“I’m a dominant top. Twinks are lucky to ride this cock." He said confidently, "I am a gay slut.”

Soon, the room filled with his pleasure-filled moans, his new reality taking hold over him.

________________

When Liam entered the living room the next morning, he couldn’t believe what he was seeing. Jeremy was aggressively caressing Chris’s face, as the two made out on the couch with their erect dicks on full display.

“What the fuck?” Liam gasped as the two men turned towards him.

“Oh Liam! Good morning!” Chris sang, ending his kiss with Jeremy.

“Fuck, just who we were waiting for.” Jeremy commented in a lower, more gravelly voice, “We have something for you.”

“No, this is fucked. What the fuck?” Liam fumed, “What about Sarah? What were you thinking?”

Jeremy shrugged, “I only like fucking men.”

Liam shook his head, “No way, fuck that.” He replied, taking a step back.

“Oh goodness, you’re upset!” Chris whined, “No Liam baby, its okay. Here, watch this.”

Before Liam could say anything, Chris turned on the TV. Static filled his field of vision. But then he heard it. Faint at first, but present nonetheless.

“You are a gay slut.” It said, and Liam grabbed his head.

“What the fuck?” He cursed, stumbling slightly.

The voice was echoing from within his head. Desperately, he moved towards the TV, wanting to shut it off. But Jeremy grabbed his arm firmly and forced him to sit between them. Liam tried to fight back, to get away from his two friends, but he felt so disoriented. The voice continued.

“You are a gay slut. You like taking cock.” It said.

Liam yelped as a needle entered his skin. He looked down to see Chris dump the contents of a syringe into his arm.

“Wh-what was that?” Liam slurred.

“Don’t worry, cutie. Just listen to the voice.” He giggled.

Liam groaned as the voice got louder and louder, “You are a gay slut. A slutty bottom. You love taking cock.”

Liam looked down and watched as his body hair started to disappear. Gone was his light dusting of chest and belly hairs, leaving him smooth. At the same time, the scruff framing his face vanished. He looked over to Jeremy, who smirked at this new development.

“Oh look at that! It’s totally working!” Chris giggled.

“No shit. Reynolds must’ve given us the good stuff.” Jeremy remarked, slowly massaging his cock.

“The good stuff?” Liam slurred, his voice cracking, “Like, what are you talking about?”

“Good because I was getting bored.” Chris sighed, “I mean, Jeremy baby, you’re an expert kisser, but like, I need a hole.” Jeremy nodded in agreement.

“A hole?” Liam whispered.

He let out a pained moan as his body temperature suddenly spiked. Sweat poured from him as his musculature dwindled away. His hard earned muscles atrophied before his terrified eyes. His bulging biceps and triceps became thin and lean, while his juicy pecs rapidly deflated. In a matter of minutes, years of workouts and optimal dieting were undone, leaving Liam slim and fragile.

“Wow, he’s so light now.” Jeremy chuckled as he man-handled his friend onto his lap. Liam yelped at the sensation of Jeremy’s erect cock grinding against his hole.

“Oh and he’s gotten shorter too! What a cutie.” Chris cooed.

“Ah, ass is still bony though.” Jeremy commented, giving it a firm squeeze.

But Liam barely registered any of this. Instead, his thoughts were filled with the words echoing from the TV. His eyes became half-lidded at this point and his resistance was fading.

“You’re just a bottom, a hole to be used by other men. You are a gay slut.” The words continued, “You like being used by other men. Your only pleasure is from getting fucked.”

“I-I’m straight... I like... I like tits.” He knew his voice sounds more feminine somehow and he cringed, “I’m a straight man.” Jeremy and Chris smirked, “I-I...” images of men getting fucked in all kinds of positions flashed on the TV, “Ohhhh I... I... I’m a...” Liam’s handsome face lost its masculine edge and his hair became lighter in color. At the same time, his cock started to shrink. Inch after inch lost as it retracted back, “Noooooo.... not my cock...” He moaned, tears now stinging at his eyes. His manhood, his masculinity. It was being stolen from him. And he was unable to stop it.

“Your only pleasure comes from your ass.”

Liam moaned again and this time his ass started to fill with jiggly fat. He could feel the extra padding build upon itself, his slim cheeks turning into mounds of soft flesh. And as Jeremy squeezed his ass again, pleasure filled his slim frame.

“Much better.” Jeremy remarked, his fingers massaging Liam’s hole, “Fuck, this is gonna feel so good.”

“Mhmm.” Chris replied, grabbing his own fistful of Liam’s juicy ass.

“Ohhhhhhhh yesssssss.” Liam slurred.

“So, what are you?” Jeremy asked.

“I-I’m...” Part of him didn’t want to say it. Didn’t want to acknowledge it. But as his lips plumped up into gorgeous cock suckers, and Jeremy’s teasing fingers penetrated him deeper, Liam was drowning in too much pleasure to care, “I...I...” The voice was so loud. It egged him on, beckoned him to admit his new truth. He wanted- no needed- to be like the men on the screen. To be fucked and used by other men. Who was he kidding? He knew what he was, “I’m like a total gay slut! I love cock.” He turned his head to look at Jeremy, then Chris, “Please daddies, use me! I need your cocks!” He begged.

And his new lovers were happy to oblige.

________________

In the afterglow of sex, the three men sat panting heavily on the couch. Liam was curled up between his two lovers, still rubbing their dicks. Despite draining them each multiple times over, he needed more. But his horny thoughts were interrupted by a video call. He grabbed his phone and smiled.

“Hey Mr. Reynolds!” Liam slurred, “Like, we love your penthouse.”

Mr. Reynolds grinned, “I can tell.” His eyes sparkled with satisfaction, “Look at you Liam. My god. You turned out better than expected. The boys at the lab earned their salaries with this one.” Liam nodded along, not really understanding the implication, “How do you feel?”

“Like a total gay slut.” He grinned, “And I love it, like so much, Mr. Reynolds.”

“Well I’m glad to hear.” he chuckled, “And are your friends treating you well?” Liam adjusted the phone so the older man could see his two lovers, who were both fast asleep, “Well looks like you have two very satisfied customers.”

Liam grinned, “Like totally.” A sense of satisfaction filling him, “Oh! Like, can you let Susie know the wedding is off? I’m like, so sorry.”

“Of course, it would be my pleasure. She’ll understand.” Mr. Reynolds replied- mission accomplished, “Now, get back to your party. Enjoy the penthouse for as long as you want.”

Liam’s eyes lit up, “OMG thank you!” The call ended, “Did you hear that?” Liam asked, his two lovers stirring awake.

And so their party continued- and it would for days. Their lives forever changed, and them none the wiser to it. But if their pleasure filled moans were anything to judge by, they certainly weren’t complaining.

[art]

Creator Spotlight: @camberdraws

Hello! My name is Camber (any pronouns), and I’m a mixed media illustrator located in the southwestern United States. I love drawing everything, but I have a special interest in depicting strange creatures and environments, often accompanied by abstract imagery and mark-making. Professionally, I’ve worked creating concept art and 2D assets for museum exhibits, but currently, I am engaged full-time as a software developer and make standalone illustrations in my free time. I’ve been posting art on Tumblr since I was a teenager, and the site has been very welcoming towards my work to this very day!

Check out Camber’s interview below!

Did you originally have a background in art? If not, how did you start?

I’ve had an interest in drawing since I was barely sentient, but at thirteen years old I decided to become “serious” about art. I was all about reading tutorials and doing a ton of studies. I would tote my heavy instructional art books to school every single day (my poor back!) Despite all this, I decided to forgo art school in favor of a bachelor’s degree in Computer Science at my local college. Alongside my major, I received a minor in Art Studio with a specialization in fine art, which totally changed my views on creating artwork and drastically changed my style.

How has your style developed over the years?

As mentioned previously, my style did a 180 after I studied under some very skilled fine art professors! As a kid, my drawings were very realism-heavy and inspired by video game concept art. I mostly worked digitally, too. During college, I was thrown for a loop when we were instructed to do strange things like, for example, make a bunch of marks on paper using pastel, WITHOUT looking, and then turn said marks into a finished piece of art! I quickly and deeply fell in love with abstract work, and especially appreciated images that are not easily parsed by the viewer. Since then, I’ve made it my goal to combine abstract mark-making with more representational subject matter.

What is one habit you find yourself doing a lot as an artist?

Hmmm, one habit I really enjoy as an artist is strictly tracking the amount of time I spend drawing! I currently work a full-time job wholly unrelated to art, so I have to be careful with my time if I want to spend enough hours drawing each week. I created a spreadsheet that allows you to enter the amount of minutes you’ve drawn each day and calculate how much drawing time you still need to reach your weekly goal (I aim for 20 hours a week.) Having such a clear, numbers-based objective keeps me motivated to work like nothing else!

Over the years as an artist, what were your biggest inspirations behind your creativity?

I know this is a common inspiration, but Hayao Miyazaki’s work has been rewiring my neurons since I was a child. Seemingly all of my artistic interests can be summed up by the movie Princess Mononoke: it has strange/abstract creature designs, a strong focus on nature and environmental storytelling, and a mix of dark and hopeful themes. Additionally, I’ve been deeply inspired by video game series such as Zelda, Okami, Pikmin, and Dark Souls. But arguably, none of these have influenced me more than Pokemon! I’ve been drawing Pokemon since I could barely hold a pencil, and I haven’t stopped since! I believe my love of designing creatures originated with my endless deluge of Pokemon fanart during my childhood.

What is a medium that you have always been intrigued by but would never use yourself?

I’ve always been fascinated by 3D mediums and am so tempted to try them out! Whether that’s 3D models created digitally or sculptures made from clay, I profoundly admire artists who have this skill. Oftentimes, it feels like I don’t have time to delve into a totally different artistic paradigm. However, I feel very strongly that learning new skills can enrich your current work. I should take that advice and someday give 3D mediums a shot!

What is a recent creative project that you are proud of?

I am in the process of creating an art book (a dream of mine!) and have been executing smaller drawings of concepts I find interesting from both a visual and storytelling standpoint. A recent drawing for said book is that of a snail made of ink with an ink bottle as a shell, and it went absolutely viral! I’ve never had an experience like this as an artist before and it has been spectacular! I was able to open a shop using my newly acquired art printer and sell many prints of my snail. Creating something original, directly stemming from my interests, and having that resonate with so many people has been unreal. I couldn’t ask for more as an artist!

What advice would you give to younger you about making art that’s personal or truthful to your own experiences?

I would tell my younger self to chill out and experiment more! I was so caught up in the idea that I needed to have a realistic style to be considered “good.” I also believed that technical skill was the only measure of how worthy my art was. That’s not to say technical skill doesn’t matter, but I now firmly believe the creativity and voice of your ideas far outweigh the skill of execution in terms of importance. Technical skills should elevate ideas, not the other way around. Once I began to revel in strange ideas and stories for my work, depicted oftentimes in odd styles or mediums, I truly found my voice as an artist.

Who on Tumblr inspires you and why?

My peers here on Tumblr inspire me more than anything! Sharing my work with contemporaries and giving each other support brings me joy like no other, and keeps me motivated to continue creating. I wouldn’t be where I am today without them! @beetlestench, @theogm-art, @trustyalt, @ratwednesday, @phantom-nisnow, @svltart, @mintsdraws, @mothhh-hh, @jupiterweathers, @thesewispsofsmoke, @picoffee, @fetchiko, @kaisei-ink, and @pine-niidles just to name only a few!

Thanks for stopping by, Camber! If you haven’t seen their Meet the Artist piece, check it out here. For more of Camber’s work, follow their Tumblr, @camberdraws!

[kateksmallcuteowl]

June 24: Role Reversal/The Shire Falls Instead

(An amazing challenge from @bagginshieldweek24

Still trying to play around with different styles. Hope you like it!

I decided to significantly extend the "alternativeness" of the universe, so we need to start with the Rings of Power. We all know that hobbits do not have rings in canon, but the dwarven rings gave their owners the ability to gain more treasures and become better craftsmen. So, in this AU, seven rings are given to the Hobbits, the creations of Yavanna, to bring the world flourishing agriculture, food, and protection to humans and elves who cannot always engage in farming. Agriculture is a profitable business in general, so over time, immense wealth begins to accumulate in the Shire, which, along with the power of seven rings, attracts the dragon. Bilbo, the thane of the Shire in exile, gathers a team of loyal hobbits (Frodo, his nephew and heir, don't forget, Bilbo is a convinced bachelor, at least until he meets Thorin, Sam and Hamfast Gamgee, Merry and Pippin, as hobbits whose families settled in Rohan and Gondor after the fall of the Shire, and therefore they know how to fight, and maybe some unnamed Tooks). However, they need a warrior who can handle mechanisms and iron, which the hobbits, though having become more "down-to-earth" from the hardships and adversities of exile, do not know how to do.

And a few short headcanons that partially influenced the appearance of the characters in the drawing:

- Bilbo here is more gloomy and serious, he has endured the hardships of life in exile and the death of loved ones (instead of Thror, the old Took was beheaded), he is responsible for the entire operation and needs it the most. Therefore, here he has less curly hair to show a heavier and more stubborn character. He also has a very small ahoge (the tuft of hair sticking up on the top of his head) that mostly just hangs, not expressing much emotion, or stands straight, expressing anxiety and irritation.

- This should have been first, but I think ahoge perfectly suits hobbits as an idea and all hobbits have it, just more or less.

- Thorin here is the prince under the mountain, but since in Middle-earth the social role of hobbits is among the dwarves, he simply lives for his pleasure, working in the forge, creating what he likes. He also has fewer wrinkles and wavier hair here.

- If in the culture of the dwarves everything came from stones, then in hobbits it came from nature, so instead of fur, Bilbo wears a cloak with leaves. They also retain a love for warm bright colors, as in the canon.

- It hurts Gandalf to see the hobbits, whom he loves so much, suffering from the dragon and the hardships of life.

[sandsorghum]

A Promising Ruse

You've been friends with Higuruma Hiromi for six years, his colleague for two months and now he's asked you to be his girlfriend...for just one weekend. What could go wrong?

a/n: AKA I give our favourite exhausted attorney a spin around the FakeDating!Trope. (Yes, we get to meet his family). Planning for this to be a multi-chapter fic, I was feeling goofy when I wrote this...

Normally, he'd be able to fend the hoard off on his own, more than comfortable being the resigned if badgered bachelor, however beleaguered he is by aunts pestering him with arrangements to meet with their "tennis club president's daughters".

Eagle-eyed and adeptly Higuruma weaves through the room so the mob of matchmakers can't converge on him all at once, adroitly avoiding engaging in any conversation which extends beyond a couple of minutes. His ears are alert to their wheedling praise, gauzy as their wolfish grins; No, he hadn't gotten a "super chic, new" haircut recently, it's in fact the exact same style he's been wearing for the past five annual family reunions.

Really, it's only troublesome when they make the concerted effort to attack in packs, deflecting and diminishing his deadpan defenses with their tittering. Inevitably one of them will comment on how this oh so brilliant demonstration of comedic wit makes him even more of a catch, and the others will pile on, sadistic in their ignorance as he writhes and wilts under a barrage of trite pleasantries, hardly informed by reality.

Has he- has he been working out???

He's almost too shocked by the insidious insipidness of the compliment to be annoyed, but Higuruma curses his lack of foresight anyway; Why hadn't he printed out that medical report with its urgent warnings about his cholesterol levels? He could've shoved it and all this facetiousness in their faces, triumphing in their stunned silence.

Instead he swiftly chugs down a half-full bottle of beer (hoping against hope one of them observes the velocity of the disappearing act as a penchant for alcoholism, or any other vice) then mumbles something about getting a refill, would they want one?

Higuruma kicks himself as the question slips from him and his aunts lunge, gushing about what a "considerate, fine young man" he is, surely deserving of a fine, young lady and oh, they just so happen to know where he might meet one, she does yoga, or fencing or makes her own hand-poured soy wax candles, see, they have a clip of her conducting a craft workshop at the village fair, demonstrating for all the little kiddies, gosh she's so good with them isn't she, Higuruma should save her contact, here they'll just take his phone so her name's spelled right-

Higuruma is contemplating how he can make stomping on his mobile with both feet look like an accident when he spots a miracle - a life raft lashed together with chicken carcasses and vegetable scraps. He grabs the dinghy of dirty dishes, excusing himself and does his best to conceal his cringe as one of his aunts remarks on how rare it is for a man to take the initiative on domestic duties to a chorus of approvals.

Wielding the plates as a shield Higuruma races from the dining area, tactically retreating across the drawbridge into kitchen as he scurries towards the sink with its reassuring moat of suds.

Of course it's not an entirely foolproof strategy, he could be cornered in the kitchen too; castle turned Alcatraz with a volley of pointed comments about his complexion whizzing over the turrets of the trays, those dark circles shadowing his face identical to bullseyes for how targeted his uncles' brusque inquiries are. Fortunately, all he has to do is suggest the wok needs a more thorough rinse, would they like to assist him? And then blessedly, they beat a hasty retreat and Higuruma gets to enjoy some solitude...for all of ten seconds before his gambit comes to bite him in the ass.

Some cousin pops in with their latest toddler in tow, cheerfully offering unsolicited advice, fussing about the stove top in a scheme to offload the infant clawing at his hips onto Higuruma, holding out the crimson faced cryptid doing its best impression of a banshee. It's the cousin closest to his age whom, up until a few years ago, had faced these very same ritualistic trials engineered by their relatives. Higuruma can't help feeling betrayed; so much for surviving the prisoners' dilemma together, or their fraternal bonds forged in the fires of their aunts' chirpy interrogations. Brothers in arms no longer.

Hastily Higuruma starts stacking and drying pans, occupying his hands and furiously buffing utensils till the spoons are concave mirrors catching the rich marinade of his misery, knowing he's running out of tines to shine while the shrieks and whines of the nominally humanoid spawn continue to climb and climb, his father fumbling awkwardly, haphazardly trying to hiccup his miniature replica with an odd jostling rhythm.

An unexpected saviour appears at the 11th hour, the aunt who owns the house sweeps into her kitchen, drawn to what is an apparently angelic cacophony. The heavenly host relieves the parent of the screaming cherubim, cooing some excuse for the colic baby (and an erroneous assessment that they aren't from the tenth circle of hell).

Too late however, Higuruma realises this is less divine intervention and more Grecian pantheon machinations as the aunt drops her guise of allyship, the formidable adversary commanding her emissary with a breezy, "Oh, Oetsu, don't forget to tell Hiromi about your charming co-worker! You were telling me she has a really pretty voice, when your company did a karaoke night right?"

Cousin Oetsu clears his throat and Higuruma shoots him a wounded glare. Et tu, brute?

"Yeah! She did quite a charismatic rendition of Livin' on a Prayer."

It takes every fiber of Higuruma's already strained optic nerves for his eyeballs not to roll to the ceiling. Trapped between the devil and the deep blue sea, he grits his teeth and spits a Hail Mary.

"I heard your 8-month-old son learned to sit up this spring?"

Cousin Oetsu and his aunt bare their teeth, with the kind of vicious incandescence that makes it into history books, accompanied by ominous pictures of looming mushroom clouds. It makes his bones brittle, but Higuruma knows he's bereft of any other choices.

Croaking his defeat, he mutters the nuclear question, "Did you record it?"

Higuruma doesn't know how many eons have elapsed when he finally stumbles out of the kitchen, having survived 27 folders of videos and photos (and what? TikToks as well now? what are those?) of babies doing incredible variations of very little to nothing at all - in most of the footage, the tiny creatures at least seemed as equally perplexed as him as to why their mere existence warranted this much wonder and fascination. He scarcely gets a moment to brace himself with a burning swig of amber liquid before having to deal with his immediate family.

Fortunately Higuruma has had years to practice, to perfect subtlety with those nips of whiskey vaccinating him against his mother's withering sighs, his father's jabs about his job prospects, his elder brother's boasts about the latest island resort he's invested in, and so on. But riding back to his apartment on the last train in an empty cabin, Higuruma has to admit to himself that what he can't outmaneuver is Time and the fact that yes, (he hears this in his mother's beseeching drone) Grandma's 95th birthday is coming up and a 96th doesn't seem an exceptionally realistic prospect; the dowager deserves to at least feel like all her descendants are on the track to her antiquated concepts of success and happiness, right?

So he enlists you, or not so much enlists as bribes you; A bargain, a steal really, doing just three weeks of your paperwork but you have his parking lot for the rest of the year - and you get to relish the normally poised, polished as silverware, eloquent Higuruma Hiromi out of his element; a rare chance to see this forthright, courtroom commanding orator with razor sharp intellect become an evasive, even sheepish, blushing boy outwitted by a nonagenarian in her tea parlour? You almost bruise yourself with the pinch when he implores you to pretend to be his partner, mumbling it around his mouthful of bourbon during a post-work week drink/drowning session. The request is garbled through the alcohol, but it doesn't do enough to disguise his desperation.

Higuruma Hiromi, at your mercy, in your debt - the rarest of opportunities. In all honesty he could have offered a measly three days of paperwork for this golden chance; but lucky for you your morose faux Romeo is none the wiser.

It's going to be a summer potluck type of thing, out in the country for a few days. You send him photos of sundresses listed on several boutiques' sites, to assess what would be, in your words "an appropriate amount of ankle to reveal in front of his relatives?" and you're sure you'd have heard his eyeballs rollicking to the back of his sockets if you weren't too busy inelegantly snorting out an espresso through your nose at his reminder that any sackcloth cowls or ermine fur-trimmed chemises will be at your own expense. How does he of all people know what a chemise is anyway?

But after that, you don't ambush, much less consult him in the cafeteria again about your fashion choices.

However, when the day comes, you wonder if your attire is sufficiently modest or if he's found something to nitpick about your chiffon midi dress with its square neckline. Met with his prolonged silence, you mentally race through the reflection you'd checked before opening your door to him; The silhouette isn't too snug, flattering without being figure-hugging, it traces rather than accentuates your waist and while there's a leg split along the long cream skirt embroidered with sunflowers, it ends a mere couple inches above your thigh. All things considered, very demure and unlikely to be the cause of hushed whispers or cardiac arrests from any female relatives aged 40 and up. So, you have half a mind to reach for Higuruma's pulse as he stands stock still on your front step without a single word, with saucer plate eyes. Scrutinizing as usual, you're sure.

Perhaps you had some strands out of place? You tuck a lock behind your ears and press your cherry tinted lips together.

"I have a band tee and an ancient pair of bermudas I could change into instead," you offer drolly, notching a fist at your hips.

Higuruma blinks, as if ridding himself of pirouetting black spots, a penalty for staring at the sun.

"Uh no no, it's fine. We should get going, it'll be a long drive."

You nod once, adjusting a strap along your otherwise bare shoulders, and Higuruma considers accounting for his abrupt onset of muteness. He registers your faintly concerned expression and racks his brain for an explanation; Maybe he could say it was something to do with how he's only ever seen you in a rotation of black or dark blue pantsuits and corporate attire - yes, that reason could hold water - until a memory of you in a particular navy pencil skirt trickles unbidden into Higuruma's mind and he blanches, just as he did back then when he'd bumped into you during that morning commute...

"Higuruma?"

"Sorry, what?"

"I asked if the car you rented was an automatic. My license does apply to manuals, but it's been a while since I've driven one."

"Oh yea. Yes, it's an automatic." Higuruma pats his left pocket, then his right, then checks the inner lining of his jacket, before finally pulling it out of his left pants pocket.

You keep the snigger off your face though you suspect it's sidled into your tone; luckily, for whatever reason, Higuruma's focus doesn't seem to be as laser pointed as it usually is.

"Okay, just let me get the Yakitake from the fridge," you hum.

"Yaki..take?"

"Yep, the place has really taken off. They recently opened a fifth outlet at Akasaka. I got it since your grandma enjoys cheesecake."

"She does..." Higuruma diverts the quizzical drawl in his voice to his gaze as it trails instead toward the large, glossy paper bag you pass him while you lock the door behind you.

"You mentioned it a few months ago, when we had that 71 year old accused of a string of B&Es into that bakery chain."

"Oh, right. Still don't understand why someone would try to steal sourdough starter. Or how it'd be kept in a safe."

"That place is popular for a reason, but too crowded! I get my sourdough from this reliable place, it's not far from Ichigaya Station. Shame they don't sell them in quarter loaves though, but at least they make for good croutons. I'll let you sample it next time."

"Croutons?"

"No," you say, unable to keep the giggle at bay this time, "a sandwich."

"I think I'm more of a vending machine shokupan kinda guy," he comments, unlocking the door on the passenger's seat side for you.

"Just by necessity, and you don't even like the tuna mayo!"

You continue to chide as you slide into the vehicle, "Nobody does - it's always the last flavour. Even those vacuum packed fish bars get sold out first."

You hear Higuruma's restrained sigh ghost over his words even above the sibilant hiss of seat belts being pulled into place.

"They're not so bad once you've had them three or four days in a row," Higuruma mutters, starting up the engine.

"A BLT," you declare, as the straps snap into their slots with a definitive click,"When we get back I'm introducing you to BLTs."

"I'm acquainted. That's how I discovered I dislike lettuce, especially raw."

"You know, I don't think I've ever recalled you being in the vicinity of a vegetable."

"Actually I had three of those martinis last Friday, so three very briny vegetables."

You stare at one of the most inarguably brilliant attorneys you've ever met in the span of your entire career, banking on silence to prompt an elaboration of his bizarre statement. When it doesn't come, you say slowly, "You know olives are a fruit right."

Higuruma fixes his gaze dead ahead through the windshield. You wonder if he'll put a crack through it.

"I knew that."

There's a two second gap, before he adds, "They were vodka martinis. I was referring to the potatoes it's distilled from."

You clap a palm over your mouth just in time, but the snicker that gets repressed reroutes to your shoulders instead, and you're certain the quiver will carry to your voice, so you simply say, "Sure, Higuruma. Sure."

The ripple of your mirth over his syllables is too enticing not to confirm what's in his periphery. Higuruma's gaze flickers to his left then snaps straight back onto the road; he's not about to risk a demerit point for being distracted by an unexpectedly blinding beam.

Perhaps he should get his shades out from the glove compartment; he can't let you see his focus waver.

This was supposed to be a simple, smooth drive after all, except now he can't help but wonder if this peculiar, unfamiliar tautness in his chest bodes ill for the ruse ahead of both of you...

@houseofsolisoccasum

[nameless-jamie]

MY OUR HOUSE

Glimpse Into the Future - Jamie Tartt x fem!PA reader

Masterlist

A/N: AHHHH! First one of this series! Let's gooo. Please read the PA x Jamie Tartt series first, so you'll get it! I hope you love it, hardcore fluff!

TW: cursing, suggestive scenes

Yup, they finally did it. Jamie Tartt and Y/N, his trusty assistant have been together for over a year now. They’ve been through the awkward stages—the miscommunications, the unresolved tension, the late-night talks about feelings they hadn’t yet fully admitted. But they were solid now. The days of pretending they were just an assistant and her prickish football player boss are over. As a couple, they’d found their rhythm and pulse together. How, you ask? Well, that happened a year ago and it's a totally different story. Now they are the happy couple, that everyone predicted they would be. And though they didn’t have it all figured out all the time—Who did?—there was a certainty now. A warmth in knowing that they were on this wild ride together. No matter what.

Currently, they have one problem, though. Jamie and Y/N were tired. Tired of commuting between Jamie's huge bachelor mansion and Y/N's small flat. So, today, they were taking a massive step. After weeks of debating where to live, they were finally choosing a place to call their own.

And it all started like this: Y/N stood in the middle of Jamie’s house, looking around with a mixture of disbelief and a lack of affection. She could see the effort Jamie had put into this space, making it the perfect bachelor pad—though she wouldn’t call his million-dollar mansion "homey," it was very much his—but there was something about it that felt cold, empty even. A place that might look good in a magazine but never felt lived in.

"Honey, I love you, but your place is a fucking nightmare," she said, her voice a little softer than usual. It wasn’t criticism—just an honest statement. She loved him more than anything, but the house… not so much.

Jamie, dramatically clutching his chest like she’d just insulted the very foundation of his existence, gasped. “Babe, you take that back. My place is well nice!” His grin was infectious, but it didn’t quite convince her.

Y/N raised an eyebrow, an exhale slipping from her lips as she glanced around. "Jamie, it looks like a footballer’s bachelor pad exploded and no one cleaned it up."

Jamie scoffed. "It’s modern. S’called style."

Y/N crossed her arms, her lips forming a playful but pointed frown. “It’s sterile, and way too big for one person. How do you even live here?” She gave the room another glance. “It’s like a showroom for nothing.”

“Modern,” Jamie repeated, more to himself than to her, before shrugging with a little smile. “And, it’s... practical.”

Y/N chuckled, her shoulders softening. “Yeah, for someone who’s single and ready to mingle.”

That made Jamie smirk...the perverted kind. "Nah, I'm taken...still ready to mingle, though...If you're up for it." He said with wiggling brows.

"Nope, not until we fix this commuting situation or this Playboy mansion..."

Jamie grinned. "S’pose I should get someone to move in, then."

Her lips curled into a knowing smirk. “Well yes maybe. D'you have someone in mind, yet?”

They both paused the air between them thick with the unspoken. Moving in or not? She knew he wasn’t wrong; they’d spent months now navigating their relationship—learning each other’s quirks, arguing and laughing, and eventually learning how to move forward from it all. They've known each other long before that, even lived together for like a week (scratch that, that was a nightmare). But this? This was a bigger step.

Y/N sighed, pinching the bridge of her nose. "Jamie, we’ve been dating for a year," she continued, her voice a little quieter now, but firm. “We spend almost every night together, but neither of us wants to live in the other’s place. What does that tell you?”

Jamie blinked. "That you should stop bein’ stubborn and move in with me?"

Y/N groaned. "Jamie!"

"What?!"

Y/N chuckled, rolling her eyes. "It means we should get a place together. Something that actually feels like ours. Not just a place that’s convenient. Not just your empty bachelor pad."

Jamie’s grin faltered slightly, just for a second, as if he was still trying to figure out how to reconcile her vision with his own. And then, slowly, a warmth spread across his face. She wants to go all in, he thought. It wasn’t just the cheeky grin she knew so well of him; it was something more vulnerable, something real.

“Yeah,” he murmured softly, his voice taking on a quieter, more sincere tone, his heart full. “Yeah, we should. I would love that, baby.”

Y/N’s heart fluttered, surprised at how deeply those words resonated. This wasn’t about the perfect space, the perfect decor, or the perfect house—it was about the two of them finally deciding to make a space for themselves. Something that belonged to both of them, something that could hold their life and their future together.

The house-hunting process was… a disaster at first.

Jamie hated anything that didn’t have state-of-the-art amenities.

“Babe, the shower pressure is shite,” Jamie had groaned when they toured a particularly swanky house, clearly unimpressed with the plumbing.

Y/N wanted a place that felt warm, lived in, and a home that would make them feel grounded. Jamie? He had other priorities.

Y/N hadn’t even blinked while looking through another very steril, very fancy home. “Jamie, this house has zero personality.”

Jamie had flashed her a sheepish grin, clearly not understanding what she meant. “It’s got everything, baby.”

She shook her head, exasperated. “It’s a showroom, not a home. Where’s the character?”

They had almost given up.

And then, as if by fate, they stumbled across a house just outside the city. A little larger than what Y/N had imagined, but perfect in every other way. The second they walked in, there was an overwhelming feeling of comfort. The high ceilings, the natural light that poured in through every window, the spacious kitchen that was begging to be used—it felt like the kind of place where their lives could unfold, messy but beautiful.

They stood in the living room, not speaking for a few seconds, just taking in the space.

It was perfect.

Big, but not ridiculous. Warm, and welcoming. It even has a freakin' garden.

“Sooo,” Y/N finally said, voice soft and a little teary-eyed. “This one, yeah?”

Jamie wrapped an arm around her waist, pulling her closer as he looked around, letting out a long breath. Finally, their home. “Yeah. I think so. That's the one.”

And for the first time, Y/N realized they weren't just talking about the house. They were talking about the future they were building together.

Jamie’s voice broke the silence, low and teasing as his fingers traced patterns over her waist. “Loads of space,” he murmured, looking around at the open floor plan. “For all your books. For all our shoes. For me trophies.”

Y/N laughed, but it wasn’t just the usual teasing. There was something more in her heart, something deeper. She was happy. She shot him a knowing glance. “You mean your one trophy?”

Jamie gasped in mock disbelief, hand dramatically placed over his chest. “Babe. Unbelievable.”

Y/N grinned. "Anything else?"

Jamie grinned devilishly, eyes glinting. “Loads of space for babies.”

Y/N paused. Her heart skipped, but she kept her voice steady, not letting her emotions fully spill out just yet. “Jamie…”

“Oi, I’m just sayin’,” he teased, stepping closer, his hand brushing her side. “Reckon we could have a whole little team, yeah? Tartt FC.”

Y/N smiled softly, the weight of his words settling over her like a promise. "Let’s move in first before you start planning a whole squad, alright?"

Jamie smiled back, but there was something so warm in his eyes that Y/N couldn’t help but feel everything fall into place.

“Deal.”

The first night in their new house was chaos.

Jamie had insisted on carrying Y/N over the threshold in some grand romantic gesture, but it was more of a comedy show than a scene from a fairytale. He’d almost dropped her because he misjudged the step, and they both ended up laughing, tangled up in each other in the doorway.

“Babe, you’re movin’ too much!” Jamie said, panicked, as they teetered dangerously on the edge of disaster.

“Jamie, put me down before we both die!” Y/N gasped, laughing through the ridiculousness of it all.

But eventually, they made it inside, safe and sound, only to find that the unpacking wasn’t much less chaotic. Jamie was distracted by his attempt to get the TV working, while Y/N took on the bulk of the unpacking.

“Jamie, love of my life, what are you doing there?” Y/N called over to him, already knowing the answer, but indulging him anyway.

“Setting up Sky Sports,” Jamie muttered, eyes glued to the TV. “Priorities, babe.”

Y/N couldn’t help herself. “Your priorities should be helping me unpack so we can actually sleep in a bed tonight.”

Jamie shrugged, looking at her from over his shoulder. “We could just sleep on the couch. Wouldn’t be the first time we did it on a couch.”

Y/N arched a brow. “Jamie Tartt, if you think we’re spending our first night in our new house on the couch, you’ve lost your mind.”

Jamie grinned mischievously. “Wouldn’t be the worst idea. S’not like we’d be sleeping much anyway.”

Y/N rolled her eyes, but there was affection behind the sarcasm. “You’re insufferable.”

“Yeah, yeah,” Jamie teased, stepping toward her and wrapping his arms around her waist, pulling her close. “You love it. Babe, we gotta break in the new bed, yeah?”

Y/N sighed dramatically, but her voice was laced with nothing but affection. “Unbelievable.”

Jamie laughed softly, leaning in to kiss the top of her head, a gentle smile resting on his lips.

By the time they finally got everything done, bed built, things unpacked, it was late as hell.

They collapsed into bed—their bed, in their house—and just lay there, soaking it all in.

Jamie turned his head, watching Y/N’s beautiful face in the dim light.

"We did it, baby," he murmured.

Y/N smiled, reaching over to lace her fingers with his. "Yeah. We did."

Jamie squeezed her hand. "We’re gonna have a good life here, I promise. I love you so much."

"I love you more, honey." Y/N hummed, then turned her head. "You still thinking about your very own Tartt FC, huh?"

Jamie smirked. "'Course I am."

Y/N rolled onto her side, propping herself up on her elbow. "You really want a bunch of little Baby Tartts running around?"

Jamie smirked. "Babe, who wouldn’t want that?"

Y/N snorted. "The world isn’t ready."

Jamie laughed, tugging her down so she was flush against his chest. "Reckon we should start practicin’ then, yeah?"

Y/N laughed, swatting his arm. "Go to sleep, Jamie."

Jamie kissed the top of her head, grinning against her hair.

"Yeah, alright. But tomorrow," he murmured, "we’ll start scouting for the team."

Yes, Y/N knew exactly what he meant by that...

[spoonfulofmilo]

for 150 followers, I am announcing my big current project - the bachelor, but f1 style.

basically, i was talking to leo about how they should decide the mercedes seat bachelor style, which descended into this.

how it will work:

once i publish a chapter, i will also publish a poll - this poll will be WHO TO ELIMINATE, NOT who stays.

whoever 'wins' that poll will be eliminated and we will continue the remaining contestants

i will publish the first chapter 'soon-ish', so you're not voting off the moodboard, don't worry

the moodboards do have some easter eggs for the future, relying on them not being eliminated.

also yes i fiddled with the ages, deal with it.

so - meet your contestants

y/n y/l/n, 25, f1 driver for aston martin - the bachelor

and the people vying for his heart

kimi raikkonen, 34, financier from finland

2. logan sargeant, 23, dj from usa

3. daniel ricciardo, 33, photographer from australia

4. alex albon, 27, lawyer from thailand

5. mark webber, 37, bodyguard from australia

6. liam lawson, 22, firefighter from new zealand

7. fernando alonso, 42, physio from spain

8. esteban ocon, 27, baker from france

9. yuki tsunoda, 23, chef from japan

10. carlos sainz, 29, football player from spain

11. lance stroll, 25, heir from canada

12. max verstappen, 26, cat shelter owner and vet from the netherlands

13. sebastian vettel, 36, florist, conservationist and activist from germany

14. oscar piastri, 22, author from australia

15. mick schumacher, 24, surfer from germany

16. nico rosberg, 38, philanthropist from germany

17. arthur leclerc, 24, model from monaco

18. lewis hamilton, 38, model from the uk

19. george russell, 26, CLASSIFIED from the uk

20. jenson button, 34, artist from the uk

21. charles leclerc, 26, fashion designer from monaco

22. pierre gasly, 28, lead singer of a boy band from france

23. lando norris, 24, twitch streamer from the uk

24. toto wolff, 41, ceo billionaire from austria

25. susie wolff, 31, girlboss from scotland

---

taglist of people who i think may be interested in this (but let me know if you want to be added or removed):

@leosxrealm, @tallrock35, @wolf-knights, @janeholt3, @badblondebisexualboy, @ghostking4m

[fallstaticexit]

Two fabulous queens spend a night out together...even though it's way past someone's bedtime.

prev / next

Bartender: Looking snazzy. Special night, Silas?

Silas: Yep! I’m hanging out with my nephew. He insisted on throwing me a bachelor party. I told him we can have a lowkey, uncle-nephew bonding moment over a cold one. Then I’m in my bed by 10:30 sharp, yes sir.

Bartender: [chuckles] Guess those party boy days are over, huh?

Silas: I wouldn’t say that. You know what, I may just stay out until 11:30, get a little crazy.

Bartender: Yeeaahh...a lowkey night, you said right?

Silas: Mhm! Lowkey. Just me and my nephew.

Amir: Heyyy Uncle Silas!

Silas: [chokes]

Amir: Uncle Silas? You ok?

Silas: [coughing] Who- who are they?

Amir: My pack, they wanted to help celebrate your upcoming nuptials with us.

Silas: I thought it would be just the two of us?

Amir: It was but then they found out I was going out with my favorite Uncle, so they wanted to come. They know how much fun you are. Is that ok?

Silas: [between teeth] No, that’s.. fantastic! The more the merrier.

Amir: Period. Let’s get some shots going.

Silas: Some what?

Amir: Don’t worry, Unc. We’re going to make this a night to remember.

[insert montage of shenanigans here]

Jacob: I know you’re having fun babe but, did you check on your uncle?

Amir: What do you mean? He’s having a ball. He loves a good night out.

Jacob: I don’t know...I think you should make sure he still has a pulse. You know, he’s older. Things are different.

Amir: Uncle Silas? Are you...alive?

Silas: [jumps awake] HUH? Wha??

Amir: Let me help you up.

Silas: No, no! I’m all good! Ready to party [yawns] allll night!

Amir: Oh I bet, Unc. Up and attem.

Silas: Sorry for smelling up the vibes, or whatever you kids say. Can’t keep up with you youngins like I used too.

Amir: No, I’m sorry. You said you wanted a lowkey night and I ruined it. I should have listened to what you wanted. This is your night!

Silas: [chuckles] Well, I’m an old fart now. My idea of fun is my massage chair, a glass of chardonnay and my telenovelas.

Amir: I never saw you as old or out of style. I looked up to you my whole life, Uncle Silas. I just wanted to share another moment with you before you...

Silas: Well, I ain’t that old!

Amir: No! [laughs] I mean before you settled down and got married.

Amir: Marriage feels like some serious shit at any age.

Silas: When I was a young queen, things like marriage and settling down and getting old terrified me too. I associated it with giving up my youth and well, I wanted to be young forever. You can’t be afraid to live and grow and change.

Amir: I hear you but...I loved how things are. Or were. I wish we could stay like this forever. No one gets old or leaves or...

Silas: Aww, come here! Look, my body may be aging but my spirit is still 25. I may not be able to drop it like it’s hot but I’m still a baddie, as you kids say.

Amir: [sniffles] I know that’s right. Love ya, Unc.

Silas: Love you too, Nephew.

[astercontrol]

I like how Kevin Flynn, a guy from the 1980's who decorates his room with rainbows and colorful neon, took a look at his own custom system and said: "I want everything in this place to be nothing but black, white, and cyan!"

I KNOW RIGHT!!!

what HAPPENED to his decorating style?? The guy goes from THIS

to THIS

I mean. YES, there's typically a difference between "bachelor pad of a young unmarried guy" and "home of that same guy when older and influenced by being a husband and father"

...and Flynn's certainly a special case. Because the first imageset was the bachelor pad of a guy who's... not 100% straight and who's confident enough about that (in the year 1982!) to not even care about trying to hide it...

and the second imageset is after he's settled down with a woman (supposedly; we never actually SEE Jordan, we just hear news reports about how him being with Jordan was the publicly available story about his relationship status, but that's another whooooole headcanon discussion) ....and become a husband, then a father, then a widower in much too short a time, and then gotten stuck inside a tyrannically ruled computer for a length of time that's apparently centuries for him.

So there are ...a LOT of things that could be influencing this change.

Jordan's influence would be the one I'd consider if it was only a bachelor-to-married-man transition. And it might still be a factor on some level.

I don't think anything is canonically said about her interior design preferences, but she is said to be an architect. She could have had very particular ideas about how the interiors of buildings should look, and overcome Flynn's personal style with hers when they began to share a home.

....Oh god.

Pattern Recognizer is pointing out that this interpretation could tie in with another observation I've made. The one about how-- if you're just going by the tendency toward colorfulness and chaotic creativeness-- Flynn and Yori have weirdly compatible home-decorating styles.

Now, we don't have any proof that Jordan (if she even existed) ever went into the Encom system with Flynn, or that either of them ever got to see Yori's apartment. But we also don't know they didn't.

So maybe Jordan saw a similarity between Flynn's decor and Yori's. Or, maybe she just visited Lora at some point and saw a similarity between Flynn's decor and that. (I mean, we never see Lora's home, but Yori probably has something in common with her User when it comes to aesthetics, right?) And if Jordan was a bit of a jealous spouse, she might have come down particularly hard on Flynn for hanging on to habits that she associated with his ex.

...I don't really believe this interpretation, though.

Because I very, very much doubt that Flynn ever got very far in any relationship with someone who tended toward jealousy. Flynn has "pansexual polyamory" written ALLLL over him. I'm not 100% convinced Jordan was ever anything except a public-facing beard for the Encom Polycule... but if she was actually a real partner to Flynn in any way, I have some serious trouble imagining they had a closed relationship.

Anyway.

The spare, calming, partly-domestic-and-partly-high-tech design of his safe house is very clearly two things. 1. a reflection of his "zen" philosophy, and 2. an extremely obvious reference to the 1968 film "2001: A Space Odyssey."

So, perhaps Kevin Flynn made a deliberate choice here to reject his youthful creativity, and embrace something wholly divorced from his own original thought--

--and, instead, derivative from a specific story that, perhaps, over the years, he came to view as a parable about the dangers of what his own creativity could do.

The rest of the Grid itself doesn't have this specific style. But does seem to follow a similar sparse color palette. We don't actually know if this is how Flynn designed it-- or if he originally made it more colorful, and that was repressed under Clu's dictatorship.

If it was Flynn's choice-- if the chaotic and colorful aesthetics of his youth faded into this more simplistic style around the time he first created the Grid?---then, I'm not sure how to explain it. Jordan's influence, again? Flynn's technical ineptitude for programming any simulation with more complex colors than a 1980's arcade game? Flynn's obsession with making the Grid in his OWN style, uninfluenced by anyone else, to such an extreme that he integer-overflowed into cutting out some of his own style because it was too much like the style of the Original Encom system?

I don't know.

But , if Flynn's original design for the Grid was more colorful, and Clu's dictatorship was just exceptionally effective in repressing all of that...

then, one could imagine that after Clu was destroyed, the Grid might end up taking on more of its true color again.

Just as the Encom system did after the fall of the MCP.

[peapodbond]

that was us part five

aka tease tidbit tuesday

but once again it is a full part and ah, thanks to @leashybebes for saying that she's kind of lowkey obsessed with this, because so am i.

who decided the first wedding anniversary gift should be paper? what do you even get for that?

it's paper or clocks, depending on the list you look at.

clocks are better?

depends. if you think of them as keeping track of all the time you've spent together, yeah.

god, you're such a romantic.

abby spends the rest of the day sending photos of watches to tommy. they immediately nix any watches that are skinny or square; abby's never seen sam wear one and they all look sort of… industrial. she bets it's exactly the type of watch that his firm would give out for the big anniversaries.

tommy vetoes a few companies because they're ripping off their designs from someone else. when abby asks when he got into watches, he tells her that jordan has a collection.

that's interesting. tommy had dropped jordan's name a few months ago, mentioning that he'd met a guy at the bar and they'd been on a few dates, but not much since. she's assumed it was going well because there was no text about them breaking up, and she and sal haven't been recruited for another bachelor style grindr lineup, but it's nice to know it didn't just fizzle out after a few dates.

now that she's got a watch picked out, it's time for her to do a little digging on tommy's new beau. even sal has been tight lipped, which has meant problems in the past — mike, for one, but there was also colin — though, to be fair, a lot more had been wrong with colin than just the fact that he didn't like tommy's best friend. in the list of crazy exes, colin was definitely at the top.

what's sal think of jordan?

they get along, abby, relax.

how well?

they're at the race track together right now, actually.

sal's into horses?

no, they're both into go karts.

aren't those for kids?

go karts, not bumper cars. they can still go pretty fast.

oh brother.

yep. gina and i are going to have dinner while they're out.

say hi to gina for me! it's been a while.

she says hi, and you still need to tell her what you thought of the time traveller's wife.

talk to you later, tommy!

do you two think eight months is too soon to move in together?

tommy, no, that's a reasonable amount of time.

it's kind of slow, actually.

sal, you asked gina to move in three months after meeting her.

we never officially lived together but sam asked me a few weeks after our six month anniversary.

aside from her questionable taste in supernatural movies, haven't regretted it once.

you watch twilight every year on her birthday.

sal, that's adorable. tommy, if you want to ask jordan to move in, you should.

she watches them, i read. and yeah, you should ask him. i think you have a good shot at landing the guy.

i hate you.

what happened?

abby, two days ago i walked in on those two in the middle of — well, let's just say it wasn't a pg rated movie.

don't exaggerate, sal. besides, you were the one who came in without knocking.

tommy! don't you lock your door?

i have a key. which i am debating returning.

that'll teach you to wait for someone to come to the door.

he's got a point, sal.

i'm leaving you weirdos now. gina and i have plans.

chicken shit!

i have to run too tommy, i've got to pick the girls up from the barn. just ask him! it'll be great.

thanks, abby. no thanks to you, sal.

jordan's out.

sal's text comes in just before a flurry from tommy, and abby scrolls through them curiously. ah, home renovation questions. once they'd started talking again — really talking, not the quick catch ups at bar nights — tommy had told her that most of the changes he'd made to the house had been done between relationships. she wonders if he's clocked why he does it that way, but she is very much not a therapist. she's also not going to get into that with her ex-fiancé.

he wants to know if she thinks a pale grey could work in the downstairs guest room (study, she'd suggested when he bought the place, even though neither of them had had an office job) or if it would clash with the yellow she'd picked for the living room. abby checks the time and gets him on a video call, making him walk her around the house. they decide that the grey will work, and abby reminds tommy again that he's been meaning to get rid of the tile and wallpaper combination in the laundry room.

sal is busy sending abby a rundown of everything that's happened in the last twenty eight hours. it's — a lot. tommy and jordan had gone out to dinner, some little indian spot that was jordan's favourite, and right before tommy could ask jordan to move in, jordan had told him that he'd gotten a promotion that meant he'd have to move to sacramento.

they'd argued — mostly about the fact that jordan hadn't mentioned a move and a promotion was a possibility, but also about the fact that jordan had suggested, once tommy said that he'd wanted him to move in, that tommy come to sacramento instead. tommy had asked if jordan expected him to give up his seniority in the fire department, his house, to follow jordan to sacramento, and jordan had said that he'd probably be moving again in a few years so it wasn't as if it was permanent —

and tommy had come home single after dinner instead of planning a day for jordan to move in.

i mean, it's not like i can blame him for taking the promotion, tommy texts later, when abby manages to get him talking about it. i knew his job was important to him. we just never talked about what that would mean. he didn't even talk to me first. not that he had to, but—

it would have been nice to have been asked.

if i'd known he was approaching la as an expiry date, i wouldn't have hoped for so much in the relationship.

that's just the kind of guy you are, tommy. one day someone is going to want that as much as you do.

yeah, sure. any chance you and sam want a platonic third?

i need someone to help me with the girls' show tack in two weeks, but we're good. besides, since you don't want to move, you should really ask sal and gina that.

[ride-thedragon]

Restyling House Velayron.

To me, they were done the most dirty in terms of costumes. Older members first because they establish the world the young ones inherited. So they set the fashion of the house.

Corlys Velayron.

For me, the thought is that Corlys is two things, wealthy and beyond the idea of Westeros. He is the sailor of the nine Voyages, the head of the richest House in Westeros. The pleasantries his title should afford are outweighed by his acclaim and place in history. He is a player in the game, but in appearance, he's beyond fairness. Extravagant jewels and patterns from trading and rich materials that scream, we all know the one thing that kept me from that throne.

Rhaenys Targaryen Velayron

Mother is a Baratheon, a Velayron, and a Targaryen. She's also the style icon of her house. She grew up the seeming heir to the iron throne and is the wife of Lord Corlys. Her ability to play the part of reconciled Princess is only counteracted by her love of Targaryen heraldry. Or the red queen Melyes'. If she is the queen who never was, she should remind them as to why. Her house is also huge in trade. We can’t forget that this is the daughter of Jocelyn Baratheon. She doesn't choose sides, she invokes the memory of Jaehaerys' reign itself.

Laenor Velayron

Baby Laenor

So baby Laenor doesn't have much of a place of court, but he is Corlys' heir and expected to be a man of the court. So I think he's dripped out like the heir of house Velayron but dressed for the court by Rhaenys. The combination of the best of both his parents.

Teen Laenor.

Locs grow in 5 years, they grow a lot more than they do in the show and I don't know why Laenor didn't have longer locs. There is this duality that he can't reconcile his sexuality and what is expected of him, but I do think this is when he decides to play the part of an eligible bachelor. Even though he's still a Velayron, he's dressing more like his mom. Big and high hair. Robes and overall Westeros peak fashion. But also pretty boy loc styles. Setting the standard for Lord Consort.

Adult Laenor.

Okay, so this is the last part. We see Laenor in full dress once, maybe and never again. He's disillusioned from court and what is expected of him. He's dresses still like his position and represents his faction, but he longs to be somewhere he's wanted and belongs. He's isolated from his daily life and is trying his best. He's just a hollow placeholder for his former determined self. This is also the introduction of Velayron head scarves because they look cool.

Laena Velayron Targaryen

Baby Laena.

So, like everyone else, she is the set standard like her mother and father. She is the richest lady in Westeros. She does her hair in different styles that seem to reflect the dresses she wears, and the dresses she wears communicate her want to travel like her father. When she is presented to Viserys, it's almost a gaudy expression of the house Velayron and heir wealth. With style cues of both Rhaenys and Corlys, her outfit communicates the potential reach of this alliance and all that is at stake. But her hair is still childish, and the style stifles her.

Teen Laena

Baddest bitch in Westeros is back with her revenge arc. Her hair has evolved but is still ever-changing with both twists that look like locs and hair styles that communicate a maturity from her. Every time you see her because it is at this point you see her with Viserys and at the wedding she is looking like she's in a revenge dress. Her style is more adapted to Westeros with a love of Essos Fabrics and Patterns and corsets that look like the shipwright women of Driftmark. She is also now a dragonrider, so I think that adds to the confidence. She's also the most wanted match to have based on power along. Rider of Vhagar and the only daughter of the house Velayron. We never see her more true to her love of Driftmark. She revels in her wealth and power.

Adult Laena.

Two things. She's pregnant and she wants to go home. She's a traveller with Daemon, so I don't think she's going out of her way to dress in King's Landing fashion. That's not the way she misses home. She misses her mom, so she has high hair, still with twists instead of locs to symbolise her missing the men and blues and robes because she's in Essos, but she's a Velayron. Big jewels like her father and mother. This is her emulating her family because she wants them, wants her children to be familiar, this is Laena missing her old self.

Vaemond Velayron.

Uncle Vaemond is a Velayron man through and through. He'd have the smallest locs we'd see because he's on Driftmark and able to maintain it. He dresses in the colours of his house and in the fashion of Pentoshi traders. He's the most Essos leaning man in Westeros you'd see outside of Dorne. He has the freedom of the second son and shows that off in his styles. He is of House Velayron and does not care to appease house Targaryen in their quests for expanding power.

Next up, we'll follow the style narrative of the young ones

[mermaidgirl30]

✨Crimson Tango: A Dance of Diamonds and Revenge Chapter 2 - It Always Ends Badly✨

Series Masterlist

A/N: Me and @mountainsandmayhem are having so much fun writing this Moulin Rouge au! We hope you enjoy chapter two ☺️ Comments and reblogs are always appreciated ❤️

Word Count: 5.7k

Pairings: Joel x fem! reader

Rating: Explicit (18+ Only)

Chapter Summary: Joel and reader finally meet. Things get a little heated till reader’s uncle interrupts. Plans take a turn for the worst when your uncle introduces you to Terrance, the man you absolutely loathe.

Chapter Tags: Flirting, feelings, fluff and thoughts of smut, angst, longing, grief

Dividers by @saradika-graphics

In the bright lights of your room, you notice things about the handsome stranger that you couldn’t quite see while you were up on stage. Like his eyes… They aren’t just dark brown. No. They’re lighter than you expected, almost the color of honey and copper mixed together. Light flecks of warmth reflecting off them. It almost reminds you of sunlight. Beautiful, warm. And just for a second you swear you can see home in those bright brown eyes that call to you. And his face is so beautiful. So smooth, tan, angelic.

“I - I’m sorry,” Joel stutters, using every ounce of self preservation he has to tear his eyes away from you.

You turn your back to him to put the dressing gown on properly, tying the satin pink sash in a bow to make sure the gown doesn’t slip off. The spike of adrenaline from performing always seems to cloud your mind and you must have forgotten to lock your door again. You glance over your shoulder to see Joel's wide brown eyes looking at your guitar and pottery wheel. “It’s okay, I should have locked the door,” you reply shyly.

You spin back around to face him, and in the sensual lighting of your bachelor style living quarters he might be the most beautiful man you’ve ever seen. You wonder how old he is and if he’s married. You find yourself hoping he’s not. A married woman wouldn’t let her husband work in a place like this.

“Perhaps I should come back another time,” Joel says hesitantly.

“No, no please. Stay.” Your heart thunders in your chest, you’re sure he sees you as others around town do, a whore. That title has never bothered you before, let them think what they want to think, you know what you are. You are the Sparkling Diamond. The one that all men want, but can never have. You’re their fantasy, and unbeknownst to them you’re an untouchable fantasy. But Joel’s opinion feels like it should matter, you can’t explain why, but you want him to know that you aren’t like the other girls that work here.

“Alright,” he murmurs out, tugging at the collar around his shirt that is starting to feel too tight. “I just need to fix that dripping faucet for you and replace that light and umm, then I’ll be out of your way, ma’am.”

You say your name and his right cheek lifts slightly as he repeats it back to you. It’s never sounded sweeter coming out of someone’s lips. He glances quickly at your guitar and pottery wheel again before walking further into your room to inspect the sink.

“You’re Mr. Miller, right?” You had heard some of the women talking about the handsome new handyman your uncle had hired earlier.

“Yes, just Joel will do, ma’am.” His heart is hammering in his chest, he wouldn’t be surprised if you could hear it across the room. He opens the cabinets under your sink and sees a pipe with a steady drip running down to the floor.

You repeat your name again with a laugh.

“Sorry, that’s not how I was raised, darlin’.”

Darlin’. The nickname gives you butterflies low in your stomach and warmth floods your body. You feel your cheeks flush as Joel glances over you slowly.

His breath gets caught in his throat with how beautiful you look with a slight pink blush lighting your cheeks. His mind flashes to you on top of him, that blush spreading down your neck and chest slowly. Soft breasts in his palms as you bob up and down on his cock.

“Darling,” you repeat back dreamily, “you could just call me that if you like. I like it,” you blush crimson as you flutter your long eyelashes at him.

Joel is thankful his face is now hidden under the sink, the big grin across his face would definitely give him away. You watch his strong arms flexing as he tugs and pulls on the hardware under your sink. Watch the way his bulging biceps cling to the flannel every time he reaches and flexes his muscles. The sight alone makes you gulp with desire.

“Okay, if that’s the case then,” he raises his head to lock eyes with you, “can you please turn the water on, darlin’? Let’s see if I’ve fixed this.”

You pad over to the sink in your barefeet, toes painted the same red as your fingernails. You lean over Joel's outstretched body to turn the water on. Everything happens all at once; first, the water sputters and then shoots out of the faucet with much more pressure than usual, then the pipe underneath pours down on Joel. Before you can even comprehend what’s happened, Joel has you scooped up in his arm, while the other reaches to turn off the tap. He’s completely soaked now and when the two of you lock eyes you both start laughing. Neither of you can really remember when you’ve laughed like this. Warm, genuine laughter as he walks you away from the wet floor of your kitchen area.

“Shit,” you laugh, ‘I’m sorry! You’re soaked.”

Joel places your feet gently on the ground at the foot of your bed. “I think we need to replace that.”

You stumble slightly when he puts you down, like a few minutes of his touch has already made you weak and boneless. He grabs the hem of his shirt and lifts it up to wipe his face. You should look away, but instead you let your eyes wander down to the exposed skin of his abdomen, your bottom lip sliding in between your teeth. His flat abdomen has a little trail of hair that leads to the one spot you haven’t been able to stop thinking about since you saw him. Between that and the v shaped divots of his hip bones, you’re mesmerized. You want him, need him. Badly.

His brown eyes lock with yours as he lowers his shirt slowly, keeping his eyes intently focused on you. Your breaths come out shallow, causing your breasts to rise and fall rapidly. His eyes dart to your parted lips as you step closer to him. His warmth and mahogany smell wraps around you, enveloping you in a thick fog. He’s taller than you, much taller. You have to crane your neck up to look at him. One of his hands grazes against yours and you suck in a nervous breath as you feel electricity run through your connected skin. His fingers are soft and warm, but also rough and scalding all at the same time. The hands of a hardworking man.

“Darlin’?” He says in a cracked whisper.

“Y-yeah?” you coo, fingers reaching for his, your pointer finger linking gently with his pinky.

Joel hears Edward’s voice, don’t touch my girls. But his hands seem to have developed a mind of their own as he finishes intertwining your fingers with one hand, the other tracing a gentle line up your arm towards your shoulder.

“You have to stop looking at me like that…” he says, pushing your soft curls off your shoulder, brushing your exposed collarbone, his delicate touch causing your clit to throb. He’s so handsome, so… gentle. Soft.

You hold in a moan, his strong, thick fingers feeling like heaven on your skin. “Like what?” you ask quietly, locking your fingers with his as calloused fingers drag along yours smoothly. It’s like fire burning your skin. Warm, tempting, smoldering, life ending.

He steps closer, so close that if you could take a full breath your barely covered breasts would graze against his body. Your nipples are hard and sensitive against the silkiness of your dressing gown, begging to be released from the material.

“Like you want me to kiss you, baby girl.”

Baby girl, fuck.

His gentle touch continues up your neck and you can’t hold it in anymore, a moan slips from your lips as you lean into his touch. His eyes haven’t left yours, and they darken as he watches your body responding to his fingers. He traces your jaw line, stopping below your chin and lowering his face to yours. “Do you want me to kiss you?”

A breathy ‘yes’ starts to come past your lips when a loud knock on your door has you both jumping apart like you had touched a live wire. Joel rushes into your kitchen, grabbing a towel to clean the puddle of water on the floor quickly. You tighten your dressing gown and head to the door, opening it just a crack.

“Hi, petal,” your uncle says, “just checking on the sink situation. Did Joel stop by?”

You open the door the rest of the way and gesture for him to come in.

“Sorry, sir,” Joel says from his crouched position on the floor. “I think we’re gonna need to replace it. The one pipe is stripped and you can’t get a good seal without the threads.”

You smile at Joel from behind your uncle. He appears to be rambling. Nervous rambling.

“Do what you need to do, Joel. This is the room of our most prized possession. If she wants it, she gets it.”

If she wants it, she gets it. The words run through Joel’s head over and over again like a broken record on repeat. Like how you were practically begging him to kiss you seconds ago. Those smooth, glossy lips tempting him to dark places he shouldn’t go. He shouldn’t, he knows better. But he’s beginning to realise he has no sense of self preservation when it comes to you.

Joel notices the way your eyes glaze over with sadness when Edward calls you a possession and that’s when he feels it again. The connection, the tight string that pulls him to you. He can tell that you hate that, that you want to be seen for you and not just the fantasy you put out there for those sick men.

He can’t say no to you, he’ll never say no to you. To hell with the rules, he’d already broken them the moment he saw you. He wants to know you, he wants to play guitar with you and maybe you can teach him how to use that pottery wheel. He’s truly, royally fucked. Ruined. But so be it. As long as he could have you, he didn’t care about the consequences because all he wanted was you. His Sparkling Diamond.

“Petal, come to my office when he’s done here, please?”

You nod and smile sweetly, “Of course.”

After he leaves, Joel sighs and leans against your porcelain counter, crossing his strong arms across his chest, his soft chocolate eyes staring back at you. His eyebrows knit together and you can see him grinding his teeth together while his jaw clenches into a tight fist.

“Sorry.” It comes out of your mouth instinctively. You don’t know what you’re sorry for but it’s certainly not for almost kissing him.

“No, I want to, darlin’. I really want to. It’s just…” he walks towards you slowly, almost hesitating before he reaches for you. He’s known you all of twenty minutes and he already can’t stand being in the same room with you and not touching you. As his hands come up to lightly cup the back of your head he continues, “It’s just that doing that will get me fired.”

“Didn’t you hear him? If I want it, I can have it.”

You let your hand roam over his chest, and he can’t help but melt at your touch. “Fuck, baby girl. You’re so…I’m just…”

“Are you feeling flustered, Mr. Miller?”

“Very,” he says before crashing his lips into yours.

His lips are soft and fit perfectly against yours as they nip at your bottom lip and devour you nice and slow. You run a hand through his soft tousled curls and hear him groan against your mouth. He likes that, likes your fingers wrapped around his hair.

He slides his arms around your waist and pulls you tight against his broad chest, making your head spin with want and need. You can smell every inch of him, feel the mahogany and woodsy scent seep into every crevice of your skin. It’s intoxicating, electrifying. You want him, you need him, crave him like you’ve never craved anything else in your entire life. It’s him, it’s only him.

It takes everything inside you to break the kiss, and both of you whine out when you part. Joel fights the urge to readjust himself, he doesn’t want you thinking he’s like every other guy in here. He’s not looking for a quick fuck, he never wants to do anything quick with you.

“Fuck,” you say breathily, “I have to go. I don’t want to go, but he’ll come back.”

“It’s okay, I’ll be back tomorrow.” His thumbs graze the sides of your waist affectionately as he pulls back.

“Can I see you again?” Joel didn’t realise the elation that could come from those five little words. You step into him, resting your cheek against his chest, hands roaming his broad back. “Please?” you almost beg.

Joel groans at your touch, “Nothing would make me happier, darlin’.”

Before he steps out of your reach, you look to your acoustic guitar and back up into his warm brown eyes. “I saw you looking at my guitar earlier. Do you play?” you ask with your eyes focused on him intently.

“Mhm. Been playin’ a long time,” he replies and tucks a strand of hair behind your ear, making you want to melt into his touch forever. “And you? I’m guessin’ you also play?” he asks with the cock of his thick eyebrow.

“Yeah, a little. I kinda taught myself as a child,” you say shyly.

A low whistle escapes his lips. “Taught yourself, yeah? Smart girl.” A smirk curls against his lips and it nearly knocks the breath from your body. “I could give you lessons, you know. If you’d want, that is.”

You don’t hesitate at all before you squeak out. “Please! I’d love nothing more,” you almost shout with a huge grin on your matted red lips.

“Perfect. It’s a date then…” he says as he slides his hand through his tousled curls nervously, making his brown flecks of color pop with his shy smile. You nearly explode at the thought of his strong arms around yours, his calloused hands guiding you along the strings as his smooth lips trace your neck line, whispering praises to you each time you learn something new.

Good girl. Doin’ so good for me, baby girl. Learnin’ so fast. Such a good girl… The thoughts nearly take you down to the floor.

“Well, guess I should let you get to Edward,” he sighs, already starting to move his arms from your waist. The feeling of him leaving makes you feel empty, hollow. A lost void in the darkness. You don’t want him to go…

After managing to pull yourselves out of each other's arms, Joel slips out of your room slowly, sending you a flirtatious wink and a small smile before closing the door gently. When you peel your eyes off the now closed door, you throw on a pair of pink lacy panties and a wrap around dress before heading out to your uncle's office.

When you open your door, you enter back into the chaos and madness of it all. You forgot that all of this was happening all around you when you were alone with Joel, almost like being locked in his eyes turned off the whole word. The burlesque is still hustling and bustling with men, dancers swarming them on the dance floor as they grab and take what they want from the women. You decide right then and there that you are done with this place and then roll your eyes bitterly as you make your way down the grand staircase, then down to the wooden floor, clicking your heels across the wood as you saunter your way to your uncle’s office.

You can feel the eyes roaming over your body, hear the cat calls the men make as they whistle and call your name. You tune them out, pretend you don’t hear the barbaric things they yell at you.

What could your uncle possibly want to talk about that couldn’t wait till tomorrow? Was he letting you come up with a new routine, maybe let you coach some more of the children on how to do kicks and twirls and little dance numbers? You liked the children, loved seeing their faces light up when you showed them a dance move or two. Maybe that’s what this was about. You hoped it was.

When you cross the dim lit hallway with red wallpaper and dark wooden floors, you turn the golden doorknob into your uncle’s spacious office. “Hi, uncle! You wanted to see me?” you ask brightly. As you turn you stop in your tracks, the door shutting quietly behind you. There’s a strange man standing almost menacingly near your uncle.

“Oh, uhh. Who’s this?” you ask cautiously, taking in the tall stranger that stands at the corner of your uncle’s long, wooden desk.

“Oh, petal. So happy you made it. This is Terrance. Terrance, this is our Sparkling Diamond.” Your uncle says your name to Terrance and he smirks at the mention of it.

Something about him makes your skin crawl. You can’t place what it is, but your gut and intuition are telling you to be afraid of this man and to run. Bile rises in your throat from questions that swirl violently in your brain.

Why was Terrance in here alone with your uncle? And why were you being introduced to him? Something wasn’t right. Something was off, very off.

Maybe when you’re 18, you can join them. No, that wouldn’t be it, he promised you that you would just be a dancer.

You blink away your thoughts and take in his appearance. He stands maybe six feet high, he’s built but somehow frail at the same time. When he takes his black top hat off and nods his head at you, you see the thinning hair that sits atop his head. It’s ash blonde with grey streaks running through every other strand. And his mustache is almost slimy looking, wet and slicked over with a grease like gel to hold it in place. You find yourself comparing it to Joel’s soft, trimmed beard and mustache. It’s nothing like this man’s. This man is… unkempt.

You take in his wrinkles, see the way his leathery skin pulls at the evil smirk that encases his chapped lips. This man is much older than you. Much, much older. Maybe the same age as your uncle or even older. You can’t tell, but he was way too old to be after a girl like you.

“So good to finally get to meet you, m’lady.” He takes your hand and brings his lips over your knuckles, planting a wet, sloppy kiss on your skin that makes you cringe. When you drop your hand back down, you run it over the back of your dress as you wipe the drool off your hand.

My lady? Just who did this guy think he was?

“Are you here to meet some of the dancers?” you ask him cautiously as you watch his grey eyes turn cold, calculating, and vindictive, but most importantly lust filled.

You watch his eyes scrape over you like sharp glass tearing through your skin, see the way he looks at you like a fresh piece of meat. He hones you like a hawk, piercing eyes scanning every inch of your body. You feel as if he sees right through the thin dress as he undresses you with his glazed over eyes. You cross your arms over your body and wrap the dress tighter around you, pretending as if that’ll make you feel slightly less exposed. It doesn’t help, not one bit.

“Not exactly,” he says, the vowels getting caught in between his teeth as he draws it out, words hooking on his annoyingly proper accent.

“Ummm, about that,” your uncle says nervously. He wipes at a bead of sweat on his forehead as his green eyes become big and wide before he says his next words. “He’s here for you.”

Your blood runs cold, veins constricting as you feel ice run down your bloodstream. You repeat the words in your head, almost positive you misheard him. He’s here for you. Here for you. But you hadn’t misheard. You heard him just right.

Maybe when you’re eighteen, you can join them.

“For me?” you whisper out, wide eyes looking over at Terrance as he runs his rough tongue along his bottom lip seductively, grey eyes hounding your body as he nearly combusts from his desire for you.

You see the way he looks at you, like a dog would a fresh bone. You see the way his fingers dig into his top hat as he stares at your breasts as they sit halfway exposed from the dress. There’s nothing but lust and desire in his eyes. Nothing but the mere inkling to rip your dress off and expose every inch of your body for him to indulge in. He doesn’t look at your eyes, or face, doesn’t even seem to care that tears are burning in the back of your eyes as he manages to violate you without even touching you.

Your uncle is selling you to him…

You hold your head high and bite your cheek before you say something hasty. You tear your watering eyes off Terrance, not able to look into the lust filled pits of his eyes anymore. Joel… Joel would never look at you like that, would never make you feel as small and feeble as Terrance just did. Joel looked at you with passion, need, like you were the only girl in the entire world. And that’s all you could think of now was him. Joel… the one you wanted.

“That’s right. For you,” Terrance smirks out the words as you stare distraughtly at him.

Your uncle looks between the two of you, the lines of his forehead wrinkling into worry lines. He looks nervous, sad even. And you know then this had to be a sick joke. He couldn’t be serious. He wouldn’t.

“Terrance, can you wait outside for us at the bar? Maybe go grab yourself a scotch? Need to speak to my little petal here,” your uncle says. Terrance nods and moves toward the door, sliding up behind you as you feel his hand brush up against the back of your dress, dangerously close to your ass. You suck in a breath and let him pass through the door, waiting a few seconds till you can’t hear his light footsteps down the hall anymore. Then you attack.

“What do you mean he’s here for me?” Your voice is raised, anger biting back as you snarl down at your uncle sitting calmly in his leather office chair.

“He’s…. uhhh he’s….” he stutters, nervous drips of sweat falling from his forehead as he takes a hand towel and dabs at his drenched skin.

“Just tell me!” you demand, almost screaming at him as your red polished fingers slam on top of his desk with a jolt, making a stack of thick papers fly down to the floor.

He sighs and nods before telling you. “He paid me money to have you…” he whispers out defeatedly.

“You sold me? To him?!” you yell loudly as your face floods with hot heat, anger and broken trust filling your insides like hot lava.

“Petal, I can explain,” he pleads as he holds his hands out, begging you to let him speak.

“Don’t!” you cry out, pointing your index finger in his direction as you see the shiny red polish shimmer back your way. “Don’t you dare call me that!”

Silence fills the air and you have to swallow the sob that creeps up your throat. Your hand falls to your side, “You lied to me,” you say quietly, hurt seeping through you as you feel your heart shattering. He was the one person you always counted on to be honest with you.

“Sweetheart, I didn’t lie,” he says defensively.

His defensive tone comes out cockily and you feel the anger bubble back to the surface, “You lied to me the day you started making me entertain those men! The day you made me sit on their laps as they looked at me like I was just a wet hole for them to fill.”

Your uncle cringes but you aren’t done, “You lied to me the moment you promised I’d never have to be fucked by any of those men! And now look. You fucking sold me to an older man, who spent the whole time looking at me like I wasn’t even a fucking person! Like he just wants to use me till I’m no more, until I’m nothing!” The words get caught on a choked cry as you feel a wet tear slide down your cheek. You swear with how quietly still the room is that you hear it splash on the floor.

Your uncle just looks at you with sad, distant eyes. Eyes that say they’re sorry all on their own. It makes you burn hotter, the betrayal cutting a clear knife down your back. You trusted him. You fucking trusted him. And look what he did. Sold you out to get fucking paid. Pathetic.

You turn toward the dark door and reach for the gold handle, but he stops you before you can twist it open. “Please, wait. Let me explain,” he begs as he stands from his chair, nearly knocking over the large picture of the Eiffel Tower off the back of the red walls.

You drop your hand from the door and walk back over to his desk, crossing your arms tightly over you as you wait to see what good excuse he gives you. “So, tell me. Go on. Tell me why you did this to me. I’m waiting,” you say coldly, eyes burning into his as he gulps and runs a hand through his sandy overgrown hair.

“I got a visit from some government people today. They don’t like what we’re doing here, petal. They threatened to shut us down. They found out it was more than a bar. Found out exactly what goes on here every night, and they don’t like it. Not one bit.”

He takes a large gulp of his brandy drink and shakes his head as he continues. “They’re making us pay double the property tax now. Says they’ll let us stay open if we keep that agreement. But do you realize how much money that is every year? And then Terrance walked in. I offered him any other girl, multiple girls if he wanted. I tried introducing him to other dancers, but the only one he wanted was you. I saw no other way, sweet pea. I was desperate.”

You take a step back and peel your eyes to the floor, your eyebrows knitting together as you take in his words. Your eyes grow wide at the information he just told you, but you can’t say anything. You’re too shocked from everything he just said, the words hitting every single nerve ending in your body like a freight train crashing right into you.

“They wanted to shut down the Moulin Rouge…” you barely whisper, your voice coming out as quiet as a helpless mouse.

“That’s right, petal. I had to strike a deal or they would’ve shut us completely down tonight. We would’ve ended up on the streets. All the women and children of this place; unsheltered and without work or food. Can you imagine?”

“No… I can’t imagine that…'' you say starstruck, your mind in a thick cloud of haze as you slowly face him again. His face is so sad, so drenched with apologies as he looks right at you with eyes that scream to you to forgive him. And you can’t say no, you can’t deny him that. Not even if what he did was cruel and selfish. But it wasn’t really that selfish because he was saving the Moulin Rouge. He was saving everyone that lived here, even you…

He comes around the desk and steps in front of you, taking one of your hands in his as he looks at you with sincere eyes. “You know I’d never do anything to hurt you on purpose, right?”

You stare at the floor and purse your lips, deep in thought as you gulp down tears and meet his eyes again cautiously. You nod your head slowly as you continue to listen to him.

“I love you like my own daughter. And I promise you, if this incident didn’t happen today then I never would’ve taken him up on his offer. I never would’ve sold you like that, but I was desperate. I saw it as the only way out of this deep hole I got myself into. And I’m so sorry, so very sorry…”

You drag your tongue over your pristine teeth and look at him with hurt eyes, but you understand why he did it. He was desperate, only trying to save the ones he cared about. But that dark, nagging thought at the back of your head continues to scream at you, trying to tell you that he would do it anyway. If it was a large sum of money, would he still have sold you out? Without the government getting involved? You’d never know…

“How much?” you ask thickly.

“How much what?” he asks with furrowed eyebrows.

“How much did he offer you for me?” you ask coldly, choking back tears as you stare up at him with hurt written all over your face.

“$300,000…”

Oh.

Your eyes go wide at the large sum of money. $300,000? Holy shit…

“That’s a… wow. That’s a lot,” you gasp in shock.

“It is. It’s enough to save us, petal. Enough to keep it all going,” he smiles, eyes turning a bit brighter as he says it.

“How long am I supposed to entertain him or be with him or… whatever this is,” you ask in disgust, not wanting to think about his sloppy hands and greasy moustache on your clean skin.

“It’s not forever, petal. He’s much older than you. Maybe a few years with him, if that.”

“A few years?!” you shriek in surprise. “But he… but I don’t…” The words leave your mouth in choppy stutters. Your throat feels dry and constricted, and you can’t find the strength to finish your sentence.

“I know, petal. I know. Again, I’m so sorry. I know he isn’t your first choice. But he’s got a lot of money. He can take care of you. Maybe in ways I never could…” he says sadly, eyes dropping to the ground. He means he couldn’t save you from your impending doom. He couldn’t save you from the grimy hands of Terrance, the man that came and wrecked your life like a ship caught in a raging storm. But he’s the one that sold you… your uncle. The man you used to see as your hero.

“I don’t want him to take care of me. I get along just well on my own,” you say proudly with your chin raised high, trying your best to sound brave when your entire world is getting flipped upside down like a coiled up ball of yarn, no way of untangling your way out.

He sighs and shakes his head sadly. “I’m sorry, petal. I did what I could. Why don’t you just go back to your room and take a nice long bath. Don’t worry about Terrance tonight. You can see him tomorrow night.”

Tomorrow night. That meant he’d expect to sleep with you, show you off like his prized possession amongst all his rich friends. You feel a wave of nausea roll over your stomach, feel the backs of your eyes sting with fresh tears waiting to fall like raindrops down your face, feel the pure need to run to Joel, have him wrap you in his strong arms where it’s warm and safe. Where you belong. Where your heart burns.

You don’t turn back around to say goodnight to your uncle, you just place your hand on the cold metal knob and twist, stepping back into the loud hallway as men chant and girls twirl and dance for the men vulgarly. You walk past them lifelessly, holding in your tears till you reach the staircase, making yourself walk faster as the anxiety starts to crush you.

You grip the cold railing of the staircase and climb up each step with the weight of the world on your chest. It’s hard to breathe, hard to filter in fresh air when you feel as if you’re stuck underground with no escape in sight, suffocating on dirt and the stench of Terrance, weighing yourself down as you remember him carving his cold eyes over your body like a hyena ready to make you his dinner.

As soon as you enter the dark hallway, you turn the opposite way of your room. Your body almost having a mind of its own as you head to the dance studio. This room where you teach the children, a place of innocence and laughter. You close the door behind you, slide down the back of the door and end up on the floor as you curl your head into your knees, feeling the wet tears hit the pink material of your dress. You choke out tears knowing what you’ll have to do tomorrow, grab your silky hair between your polished fingers as you think of his dirty paws all over you.

It’s not forever. You can fake it. You can do this.

But you aren’t sure you can because every time you even think of Terrance your mind goes to Joel. Joel, Joel, Joel. He’s the one you want, the one you need. And you want him so badly that even thinking about him hurts.

Joel. He can’t find out. Not yet. What would you tell him? What would he do? You’d have to keep it to yourself. At least for a few days. Yes, just a few days. You could do that… right?

[theresa-of-liechtenstein]

art by em year in review 2024!

i find myself surprised i drew much at all this year considering the circumstances (completing a bachelor's degree. concerts. international trip. starting a phd. general state of world.) however, for the fifth time i am happy to present my yearly retrospective.

as always, reflections under the cut.

jan: i feel like my weakest pieces always happen in january 😭 this was definitely one of those where concept > execution; some of this feels woefully flat and i wasn't too enthused about how herc looked. oh well. that was literally one of the only things i drew in january

feb: one of the developments that came about this year in my drawing was that of my cartoon/comic style, because i wanted to have a record of all the funny shit that happens in my music life. i've continually been surprised at the reception of it online haha. tita conductor is OUR internet microcelebrity now i guess

mar: ah, the douglas seventh wheels the hercolyn wedding fic i've been saying i'd write for almost two years. well, that actually got written and will go up later this week. but anyway, Hurt That Old Man!

apr: in which some professor of media studies with a slide whistle chose to examine a 160-year-old novel through the lens of an intergenerational relationship, and i took it personally. i was not drawing a lot during this time, so i was naturally falling back on my favorite subjects, namely. herc and linda. so much for branching out this year LMAO

may: a pen test for my graduation gift to tita conductor (finished version here, which she loved so much she couldn't stop talking about it when we next saw each other in september). someone once said to me 'it's weird that you can draw her from memory.' i replied 'looking at her is kind of part of the job description.'

jun: drawing theresa is probably one of the ways through which i measure my art progress, given that out of all the character designs i have (bar one, which i don't share on this blog for Reasons) hers is the one that has stuck around the most persistently. the grey is here to stay‼️

jul: i drew this one while having stomach problems in the philippines 😭 but something about the philippines (and like. being around people of my ethnic background on a daily basis) made me think a lot about my character designs for the soft-shoe-shuffle trio, so i wanted to do something with them a bit

aug: for all i talk about martin i sure never draw him, ever 😂 it's probably not obvious, but i was trying painting an base layer rather than an overlay (which i've been using pretty consistently since last year). in the future, i want to experiment more with coloring: i think i've not been eager to touch that part in my art and that needs to change. also pour one out for what i almost captioned it:

if i got onto a plane and i saw a twink in that mfing pilot seat i'm jumping off 😐🤚🏻‼️

sept: the piece that got the most attention this year i think. i'm not sure how well it came across that douglas is supposed to be ever so slightly horny in this one. oh well. it was funny.

oct: i think it was this piece that made me start to realize that i have kind of developed a problem with making everyone's faces super long. which. i don't really know how that happened. anyway this is really cute still. read the theresa-becomes-a-pilot fic.

nov: omg guys remember when i was obsessed with the theresa-maxi dynamic. well it came back for a blazing second of glory in november. maybe it'll come back to me again for good. we'll see

dec: again, familiar subjects during a tumultuous time. not much of note here, except i have noticed myself getting very lazy with lighting recently. also i wrote a fic about this.

overall: going into the new year, i think the whole 'making everyone's faces look super long' thing needs to be addressed; otherwise, as stated earlier, i really should start experimenting with coloring and base layers and shading and lighting.

thank you everyone! and a happy new year to all!

[cal-daisies-and-briars]

🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼🔼

126!!! You might get this chapter finished damn.

---

She wouldn’t want him there, anyway. 

“It’s not what I want,” she says, in a very tiny, very tragic voice.

“What do you mean?” He asks.

“It’s not what I want, Eddie. It’s what I thought I should do. For all of us.”

Eddie stays silent. He has no idea what she means by that. Obviously another kid wouldn’t be easy. Obviously it would change a lot and stretch things even thinner. He’s not stupid. He’s the primary caregiver for the kid they have now. But he’d said he was game, hadn’t he? How could ending the pregnancy and leaving him possibly be for his benefit? He wants them to be family. Whether that be with one kid or two. 

“But…” Tears spill down her cheeks. “I don’t think I can. When I was hit, and I thought… I can’t do it, Eddie. I’m sorry.”

Eddie sighs. “I don’t know what you want me to say.”

She frowns. “I don’t want you to say anything.”

How can that be true? He needs to do something, right? He needs to do the correct thing. He tried. She didn’t want it. That was without a baby in mind. Now there is a baby in mind and he can’t do the correct thing. Right? He can only fail. All his fucking life, all Eddie can do is fail.

“Do you still want a divorce?” Eddie asks. 

She looks exasperated. “Yes, Eddie. That… None of what I said has changed.”

Right.

“But you do want to keep the baby?” Eddie asks.

“I think so… I… Yes. I can’t… Yes.”

Eddie sighs. “I don’t want to have a child out there and not be involved in their life, Shannon. I won’t do that again.”

“I wouldn’t want you not to be,” she says. “I swear, Eddie. That was never the goal here.”

Eddie pinches the bridge of his nose. He’s not sure he believes her. He hates it, but he’s not sure. But what’s the alternative? What choice does he have? Forget keeping their marriage together. If they can’t get along now, what? She disappears again and takes their kid with her? Eddie can’t live with that.

“Stay married to me, then.” He says.

“Eddie,” she groans. 

“Just until they’re born,” he amends, motioning vaguely at her abdomen. “My health insurance is way better than yours. You might need physio after this, for your shoulder. Just… Just do that, okay? Let me do that.”

If she won’t let him provide a home and a family, at least that. And, at the very least, it gives him a buffer window to try and fix things.Though, after today, a rather significant part of him says that he shouldn’t. Even if it’s what’s right. 

She sighs. “That’s… That’s kind. Thank you.”

A silence falls between them. There’s so much to figure out. So much. And Eddie doesn’t have a blueprint for any of it. He has always had a path to follow. And somehow, she always manages to do things that knock him off course. 

iii.

Buck christens his new apartment right away. The modern-feeling, bachelor-style loft with exposed bricks and natural lighting to die for. It’s kind of a steal, at the price he’s getting it. 

Before anything but the bedding is unpacked, Buck and Ali are breaking it in. So to say. Or maybe she’s breaking him in, really. He really has no idea where she’s got the energy, after a morning spent moving boxes. 

She’s on top of him, setting the pace, holding his wrists back. She likes to take control. Always has. He’s into it. He’s flexible. Sometimes it’s nice to turn your brain off and let someone else do all the decision making. Especially when it involves watching her - naked, lithe, and gorgeous - and orgasming. He really can’t complain. 

“Isn’t this nicer?” Ali says when they’re done, and she’s climbing off of him. “Your own big boy apartment, where we can screw whenever we want?”

He exhales through his nose, a little surprised. It’s an odd way of thinking. He’s not even two full years into his career, living in one of the priciest cities in the country, and had to try and find a new place after a sort of complicated break up. Is it really that insane that he spent a few months on an air mattress at his sister’s? 

He doesn’t argue this point, though. 

“I like the sound of that,” he says instead. 

“What time is Eddie coming to help you put the furniture together?” Ali asks. “Do you have time for a long shower?”

Buck likes the sound of that, too.

“Uh, I don’t know if he is anymore,” he admits. “What? Why?” Ali asks. 

“Uh… His wife got hit by a car two days ago and I haven’t heard from him since.”

Not that Buck hasn’t tried texting him. He has definitely tried to check in.  “What? His wife died?” 

“No!” Buck is quick to assure her. “No, Jesus. She’s just injured. But it sounded… Complicated.”

[x-heesy]

Swag a la Italy 🇮🇹

Hey

Mixer T, there

PK

I jump on Italian rap like a trampoline

Brother, I've been at it for a while, you scream

She gets wet when I rhyme

To do it better I found the algorithm

The flow weighs one kilo

Like the Migos necklaces

I'll smoke you in one hit

You're a Chilum in the park, I ride it with the widest filter

Then I enter precisely, bro, archery on the sample

When I hear you you're like the wind if I'm turning it around

No, I don't feel like a deaf man sleeping

Bro, I win gold, platinum and silver

With her in the hotel, bro, more stars than Hokuto

I go, straight cash like Coccoluto

Her pussy is Newton's apple

I smoke it whole bro in a minute (wooo!)

We are artists

We seem happy but then we're sad (hey)

We write records (ha!)

These rappers go home then diss us (wooo!)

I have the black box, you a package (ha ha!)

I'm a goal in the final with the heel

With you it's like boxing with the bag

When I hear your music it comes down to me

I don't care if it sounds good or if it sells

We are us and we don't change anything

We are us and we don't change anything

Emme!

I smoke from morning to night, bro

I'm having dinner with my girlfriend

Crazy panther kitten, bro

Guajira Guantanamera

I'm going up the stream

Brother, no, no, I don't have a dick, I have a propeller

His face white, hungry, anemic

Fievel landing in America

Sometimes, sometimes I inhale such a quantity that I pass out

I watch her ass go, they are so high that it seems like they are going up

You're on a pedal toilet

What a toilet, what a rate, with an ass that looks like a hexagon

Maybe it was better if you remained a bachelor

It's getting late, let's talk, I'm running bro!

I'll take a shot of ice cream, bro

Then I smile at you like a triceratops

Wanted flow machine gun, bro (hey)

Matrix change I'm regenerating it (hey, hey, hey, hey)

Die of envy, yes, you are triggered (seh)

Bad language, the beat is eviscerated

The feat is refined, the drink is mixed

What a fucking life, bro, I was a hermit! (em!)

At work, bro, I'm still a rapper

Even though I'm handsome, I'm an influencer

We are us and we don't change anything

We are us and we don't change anything

Ouch, ouch, tremble when you hear Lebon on the mic (Lebon on the mic)

Alright, 24/7, all night (all night)

When do you make wheat? Tomorrow (yep)

I'm Jimmy Iovine bro (yep)

Without the styles where do you go? Goodbye

God gave me the flow, he said 'go (go, go, go)

I do not know how

You don't know what

You know it well

That you are not what

You can make foam

You're a soda girl

A slap on the head when you're posing (pshh)

Music is a drug (hey)

And I always have the best one

Moment, moment, moment

I rock anyway and the microphone is off

I sing and you can't hear the accent

And you don't hear the jungle until I turn it on

Well done, take the bulldozers against the blacks and the Vatussi

I swear I can't do it like you do (yeah)

I should sell envelopes at Russian weddings

And be in the red like the Tunes (wooo!)

Life as an artist is sad, especially if you live in Italy

How to get a flat earther pregnant and raise her kids in Australia

It's like a prison, they condemned you

You want an hour of air, but conditioned

Out of the box forever @ombrabrontok 🇮🇹 @kattywompuss @bigbonzo @cumpletelyhappythesecond 🤪😜

We are us, we don't change anything (Ah!)

Esagono (Hexagon) (feat. Salmo) by Gemitaiz, MadMan,