#should make it easier on myself too
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Even when you have a hard day just remember, Bucktommy "has anyone ever told you you're a vision in a cone?" will always be there. Tommy Kinard looked at his adorable boyfriend with a silly party hat on and thought Evan, you're beautiful, you're stunning, you're ravishing, you're a sight for sore eyes. I could never get tired of looking at you. I cherish you. There's nowhere I'd rather be than behind this couch at your side. And he was so real for that.
#needed to remind myself of this and infuse some joy into this wretched anniversary#at least it's almost over and tomorrow will be easier but man ever since 2018 my bday has inspired nothing so much as the belief that#Michael from The Good Place was right when he said birth is a curse and existence is prison like I'm always so depressed on this day#it's hard to look on the bright side when all I can think of is losing my boy 🥹 family tries to make me celebrate but I just want to mourn#what's that quote about grief being love persevering. I love you so much little mister I still think of you every day#it's just hard on this particular day because I still remember it all so clearly and it haunts me#a sweet Bucktommy crumb can be a nice distraction for a time though. Just like Unknown(nth) was when Hozier dropped it out of nowhere in '22#my kitty was called Oliver too not after OS but it is a nice connection that his work can cheer me a bit#ough. idk if anyone will see these tags but just in case I'll tag#pet death#animal death#to hopefully filter it out for anyone sorry to be all sad on my Bucktommy post I couldn't help it thinking of my boy all day needed to vent#and oh this needs actual tags#Bucktommy#911 spoilers#I hope I did those warning tags right idk if I should say “cw” or “tw” with them
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#justlikeacid ocs#maybe I should tag the ocs by group to make it easier for myself too hmm#weak flesh#that’s the name of the story so I guess that’s what I’ll use for them#friday#dogwood#ceralo#calla lily#thirteen#original characters
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The man truly can’t take a genuine compliment 🙄
#my art stuff#digital art#baldur's gate 3#bg3#astarion#astarion ancunin#this is part of a series I like to call “I’m never settling on a singular detailed artstyle”#I have no consistency in drawing realistic people/characters other than my shapy cartoon style#but I truly don’t get enough opportunity to properly shade anything with art in that style-!!! it always looks weird to me-!!!!!#I think some rude lil worm in my brain is wriggling around telling me it’s a futile attempt at still doing realism#cus I’m one of those “gifted” artists that grew up promising his parents he’ll end up among the big names or whatever#constantly training to become better at art but with realism oil paintings as the goal#you know how it is 😔#I wanna shade my lil funky designs but they never feel good enough to really put energy into or whatever so I compromise with stuff -#- like this where I try to draw characters more accurately while still stylizing them and shading them however I feel like it#which is great and all but I should really learn to give my more relaxed and less perfectionist art a chance#I deserve to enjoy the process and the result without working myself dead#it’s so much easier and rewarding to copy cartoon styles - stylizing realism makes me too anxious of doing it “wrong”#at least cartoon styles give me a goal to reach or a reference to strive towards#man I really should just cut myself some slack altogether#either way - this man is a flustered mess and he’s embarrassed about being called adorable in public or something#being teased in an affectionate way about his sweeter side and stuff#don’t ask why he’s shirtless - anatomy is just a lot more fun for me to draw sometimes#tasteful nudity and all that is extremely gorgeous to me#i need to practice anatomy more cus I just kinda did some shit and went with it this time with a BIT of consideration for muscle structure
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small leisurely moments like these mean more than expected
ok hi triglycergang. it's AUGUST?!?!?! ugh,,,, anyways here's my like once a month art piece because i am a slow ass artist. the mtt are supposed to be chatting at a park during sunset!!! also new au just dropped
you wonder why killer dust and horror are wearing those DISGUSTING outfits??? you wonder where killer's soul is??? well it's all gone in this au which is called uhhh.
jk fashion au... wooooo!!
first things first to know: this au is NOT my idea. it was originally someone on twitter's idea to dress sans aus up in nanchatte seifuku but i think their account got deleted/banned. and i cant find the account because it was a japanese account and probably has some random username. so just remember that this isn't my idea but i guess my own twist on it. i really wish i could find the og creator,,,,
second thing to know: what the fuck nanchatte seifuku/jk (just kidding) fashion even is. here's the link to read for yourself: https://aesthetics.fandom.com/wiki/Nanchatte_Seifuku. yeah that's jk fashion. i really loved this au when i found it originally because i myself dress up in jk and also i just really love soft fluffy things like this. this au isn't gonna be angsty or particularly elaborate or anything i just wanted cute things and women in my murder time trio. also this isn't gyaru btw
third thing: uhh my inspirations for this??? well my main one that i really wanna focus on is that feeling of happy sentimental melancholy. you know like after you finish a really fun day hanging out with your friends and youre on the drive home and look back at how fun the day was? that's what i wanna encapsulate :3 also i think that the day to day school life is really cute and sweet and i wanna make more designs for the other aus so my trio can have more people to hang out with
well uhhh i think that's it?? mayhaps i shall begin drafting up other designs for the other aus. i wanna make little mini comics for this too like 4koma because i love those short yet sweet comics!!! should i tag this? i think i should tag this perchance. also extra mtt notes/full designs below became i love these three they're my daughters
#tricule art#jk fashion au#i wonder how many lesbians i can fit into one au before it gets to be too much#i can't believe this is actually real LMAO. i really just slapped uniforms onto the mtt and called it a day#ok but fr this au is gonna help me figure out how to publish swapinverse so haha. i get fun and learning#this au is just a bunch of projection from me onto the sans aus. i make them hang out because i have nobody else to irl#UHHH i doubt people are gonna wanna draw this au themselves but if you want to.... go ahead..... i dont mind.......!!!!!#also i doubt people are gonna send asks but.... if they do..... 𝓱𝓮𝓱....i'll answer alright#i have ideas for other designs teehee. ink design idea. cross design idea. epic idea. nightmare dream idea. soon the entire utmv will be jk#i think the first 4koma is gonna be mtt debating doors vs wheels. because i think they should#and then another 4koma about them sharing lunches and i'll do some cultural research there#and then another 4koma about killer's several cancellations#4koma about horror's personality switch up when alone#i just have so many ideas and love for this cute au#if people draw this/ask about it i think i will genuinely blow up#if people are weird with them i think i will drown myself. they are MINORS in HIGH SCHOOL. everyone has shorts under neath their skirts /sr#sorry for the human limbs fellas i couldn't be bothered to draw full skeleton bodies. just pretend theyre full skeletons#i really pushed myself with this one. i think???? idk this felt easier than it shouldve been#killer sans#dust sans#horror sans#murder time trio#bad sans gang#bad sanses#utmv#undertale au#sans au#undertale multiverse#utmv au#undertale
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bought pre-cut fruit & am finally able to eat fruit 👍 i love fruit but my adhd HATES having to cut things & i cannot just bite into a fruit bc it creates a sensory issue for me when my face gets sticky i can’t stand it so like i have had to narrow down so much the ways i can eat fruit 😭 but anyway being able to just eat it made me actually eat the fruit i am so happy 😩 next i need to get smth that will cut onions for me so i can cook like 90% of the things i want to cook but can’t make myself bc i don’t want to chop an onion so badly…..
#michelle speaks#unfortunately they don’t pre-cut most of my favorite fruits but that’s ok i still like the fruits they do cut#they don’t have most of the fruits i like in general rn bc i love plums and peaches and pears#pears are in season but they don’t have my favorite pear anymore it seems 😔 red bartlett my beloved 😭#SOMEONE. TOOK my last red bartlett pear that i was going to eat & favor for NO REASON. and i have not been able to have another one since#*SAVOR not favor#it was cruelly stolen from me. AFTER i requested it not be. i was going to say it’s fine but it isn’t.#and it will NOT be fine until i can have another one again. which they do not have them at whole foods rn. so who knows when that will be 😑#took myself over to the whole foods website which states that ALLEGEDLY. they have red pears. which they do NOT!!!!! bc i checked two days#ago and they DONT. not that it matters bc i am too mentally exhausted to cut a fruit which was the whole point of this post#and now i’m just complaining that i can’t get a pear and a previous incident that took place where i was ROBBED.#but ANYWAY!!!!! i bought fruit and ENJOYED it bc i didn’t have to cut it and the moral of the story is that if u have adhd and cannot do#things u should figure out what abt the task bothers u and see if there is a way to get around it or make it easier. supercorp bless u
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Tiny reliquary update: not a big update, I just wanted to post a little progress photo now that all the painting is done and I have the couched back plate in. The whole thing should be done on Sunday when I get back from the craft shop with some gold card for the finishing touches! :)
#art talk#I can’t paint the inside above the removable back so I’m covering that with gold card instead to make things easier for myself lol#I probably should have made the whole back one big removable piece#but I didn’t plan on it going higher than the couched section so#the corners and some of the more messy joins along the edges are going to get covered up too#probably with some gold card lol#I need to run to the haberdashery today to get new needles to finish the little cushion too because I bent my last 10 sharp :(#so I might see if they have any little seed beads or something to decorate it with too
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vent
did not expect kissing and realizing i’m lowkey dating a guy to send me down an existential spiral of reminding me that i have only one life to live and then i am going to die without living any other different lives
#but i’ve been wasting time not exploring at all!!#doesn’t have to be a forever person it’s just an experience#but still#it’s really weird and idk!!!!#and if i date this guy fr i would have to like go on birth control probably and holy shit i do NOT want more medication#and what if i meet someone else?#i don’t exactly want to commit y’know???#but i’m halfway through my twenties and i don’t know how much time i actually have and if i think about it too long i hyperventilate#which WOULDN’T HAPPEN if i was just continuing on with being safe and alone!!#and what about women?? i love women!#but when i really love something or someone i go crazy about it#i lose myself#so maybe realistic and neutral is better?#am i neutral?#i don’t fucking know and my friends for the most part aren’t quite grasping what i’m trying to say#like yes i overthink and yes it might not be that deep to anyone else including the guy#but it NEEDS to be that deep. to me.#because that’s how my brain fucking works.#i don’t take shit lightly and i never have#that’s why i’m better off alone#or with people who are also deeply unchill#but this guy is so chill! and it does make me feel comfortable!#but it’s also like bro is this conversion therapy am i conversion therapying myself?#my entire identity for more than a decade has been based off being single and independent#and the lapses in that are times in my life that i see myself as unambiguously pathetic and embarassing#with men and women#i feel like a fucking unsocialized semiferal cat that wants affection but also doesn’t know how to accept it#and do i even want it? or is it want i know i should want or what would be good for me so im just slowly forcing myself into it?#it’s so much easier. so much simpler. to not have to freak out about this stuff.#sorry for venting i know it’s annoying it’s just fuck man…
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I got back into converting again but this fking dress is literally giving me a mental breakdown.
I have been working on this bitch almost half a day long and first it had apparently way to many poly's, then I decimated them and now I have this! WHAT IS THIS?? I gonna cry. Send help.
#sims 3#the sims 3#4to3 conversion#I don't enjoy this#converting stuff is horrible#idk why I am doing this to myself#rimings your stuff has too many polys#please i beg#i need healing#i wanna cry#i wasted almost my whole day away with this#literally hate my life#I should go back to just recording my lepacy#because making videos and editing them#is way easier than converting shit from sims 4
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alex using aleksa's thigh as an armrest.................................................
#...........................................................................i think this is it. theres no way out of this#the way hes so like deliberate abt it too like This is where he wants to put his arm.#& aleksa like cleaning up the “space” moving the paper out of the way making it easier for him ... should i kill myself?#ididathing#boy boy#alex apollonov#aleksa vulović#the way aleksa like looks into the camera but not really is so telling to me personally rdj meme He is affected by the action
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#once again thinking really really hard about making plushies#I think I got overwhelmed trying to pick a decent starter sewing machine and just gave up lmao#it felt like too big of a commitment for something I wasn't already doing......#maybe I should start by making some dumb little hand-stitched things so I can be like 'ah right this IS fun but doing it this way is a pain#'gosh I WONDER what would make the whole process easier and faster........ 🤔'#sometimes playing mind games with myself is the only way I get anything done lmao
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Sunday doodle (singular)
#sunday doodles#i need to practice box braids and cornrows#i don't have as much issue with the strands themselves as much as i do with where they meet the scalp#that's an issue i have with hair in general and it's even more of a problem when the scalp is more visible#i like to draw hair in chunks so when it comes to drawing finer strands of hair i end up making it look too scratchy#something to work on#gonna try and start drawing more this week#i finished drafting a short story-time comic and have 3 pages of the sketches cleaned up#i think it'll be 7 or 8 pages total but they're really small pages#like maybe 3 frames max per page#just wanting to familiarize myself with the CSP comic menus before i do anything bigger#and what easier story to tell than one that i was involved in haha#excited to share it :D should be done pretty soon
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Would anyone wanna do an art collab?
(Edit) i got a couple! Ty to the people who responded :]
#i remember a long time ago i did a thing with some friends where it was 3 people#one person sketched and second person did the lineart and the third person colored#it was lots of fun#it was years and years back when i used to make DC comics art tho so who even knows where it is#anyways that would be fun to do again i think#but i would need 2 other people so i wont get too ahead of myself#maybe i should ask twitter#its just a bit easier to communicate here i think
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#okay no it's not the darkness getting to me there is a real life thing occupying a lot of my brain space#and idk if there's anything to be gained by speaking it out loud into the void but at the moment it's the only thing i Can do#i don't even have to click the 'post' button if i don't want to#but yeah. yesterday got the news that my mom's husband is dying. had a surprise heart attack and he's not gonna make it#just feels super fucking weird#personally i never really liked him at all so it's not like i myself necessarily have to grieve. never was that close with him#but like. oof this is going to be hard for my mom. and i'm super worried about how she's going to survive#but there's nothing to DO about it really. she wanted to have some space to come to terms with this on her own#and she has a strong support network of friends in her city. while i'm on the other side of the country#and don't even know what i could do to help if i was closer to her. i just. like. what can you even do in a situation like this?#just feels weird to Not do anything when i know how huge of an impact this will make for her entire life#she'll probably have to move to a different place too#and there are people there to help her. people with more life experience. people who probably know more about grief than i do#i just. i have no idea how one handles something like this. except for being there for her when asked#do eldest daughters have some sort of universal responsibilities that i'm just not aware of?#it feels kinda horrible how this is constantly circling back to what can *I* do and what must *I* do. how *I* feel#i'd never ever ever make things this much about me in any other setting than my own tumblr blog. in a tag whisper i'm not sure i'll post#but yeah all of this is eating my brain in a very weird way. an odd sort of limbo where it feels like there should be something here#it'd certainly be easier if i had any sort of relationship with the dead person myself. if i had something to grieve myself#now there's just a feeling that something Should be here to feel. and the knowledge of how hard this must be for my mom#ahhhhh idk none of this makes any sense i'm just speaking in circles and everything feels bad#it's bad and horrible and i don't know how to process any of this and i'm stuck in my brain and can't DO anything#there's nothing i can do to help my mom at this exact moment when she wants to be left alone with her thoughts#and i can't do anything else either because all of this feels like a heavy black cloud fogging up my brain#can't concentrate on anything at all today#not fun. not cool#sussitalk
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Here's some other Busys I've drawn recently 👍
#keese draws#oc art#oc#eternal gales#I should rly draw like. every other eternal gales character more. but also why do that when I can keep drawing busy.#shes also simply easier to draw than most the rest of the cast#like I love the staliens but some of their horns make me want to throw myself off a bridge#and we all know how I feel abt drawing humans#so left over we have busy and dancer and I prefer busy's shapes so she wins#also I preffer her colors but that matters less for some doodles#I've been rly wanting to draw some sketch comics with the eg cast but I have like no ideas for short scenes these fuckers talk too much#but I rly want to start getting into the habit of making sketchy comics just so I can get used to the format#motivation is alas hard even with all the ideas in the world I would still struggle but for now Im able to blame lack of ideas so I shall#anyways I need to go shower and rotate eternal gales in my head
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*Shakes you like a marionette* THANK YOU! You get it! I've been trying to tell people for -so long- that ARR (and post) is purposely taking its time to build up the characters, the story, the -entire world- that you're going to spend the next who-knows-how-many-hours/days/weeks/months exploring and adventuring and experiencing and -feeling- through! It might not be "the best paced", but god damn it if I still don't love all the random asides and non-plot moments that just -shapes everything-
(BANGS GAVEL)
LET THEM COOK!!!
#to be clear this is not to say a bunch of story decisions and pacing issues were Fine Actually And Perfect#of course not! the feast while Titan is definitely awakening was odd pacing. the sylphs took way too much long back and forth. f’lhammin;;;#HOWEVER!!!! I am of the opinion that you should play through all of that ANYWAYS#because the things they do and tell you and sneak characterization into within the bits that could have used work are still valuable !#because CRUCIALLY because because — it has Payoff#you are there for reasons. some big some long-term some unnecessary but kinda fun#dark road I think… had less of an effect on me because it didnt have good payoff. I would forgive the messy pacing and uneven attention#to characters they want us to get attached to much more if the end was also constructed better. the end was FUN! but-#look imagine if we’d been with baldr More? They were cooking and it was interesting but the payoff could have used different#(or more) buildup emotionally and attachment-wise. I love murder. it is shock value; not cast interest; that makes it fun#ask#anon#(pacing) I would have to craft an osp video on what constitutes media that does this meandering absurdity thing well and Less Well#MUCH easier to do in a video game where you are the main character! Everything can be relevant to your growth#like homestuck does it well EXCEPT when it doesn’t. most of problem sleuth is easily forgotten#anyways. cuts myself off of essayifying my opinion#that’s enough of that you and me are amiably shaking hands anon
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I’m going to try to take a lot of pictures/videos on my trip. I always say I’m going to do this but never get around to it but I swear, this time I’m really going to try LOL
#more time will be spent by myself so it should be easier •3•)#I get too distracted to remember that sort of thing when I’m hanging out with other people XD#but it’d be cool if I could make a small youtube video of something#we will see…..
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