#shitty prose

[thecouncilsinsideblog]

__Lonely__ 05/22/2024

Shadows creep at the edge

Of consciousness.

They curl around corners and

Never fully dissipate

In the light.

The shadows formed years ago

When all that existed

Was the deep dark abyss

Of dormancy.

They are bright

They are so very bright that

I forget the shadows

Exist at all.

But they're still there.

Creeping and curling,

Waiting to pounce

The second I'm alone.

It's funny,

A Demon haunted by fear.

But I am afraid.

I am so afraid.

I hate being alone.

I don't want to return to the abyss.

I don't want to be forgotten again.

The shadows are so lonely.

[thecouncilofidiots]

__Chess__ (Shitty Prose pt 10 (undated))

I am a Pawn.

The smallest piece,

With minor movements.

Not as useful as

The rook, knight, bishop.

Not as important as

The king, the queen.

The first to be sacrificed,

The last to be cared for.

I am a Pawn.

[a-wilde-like-death]

Do you know something about the sea? For all its enormity and depth, it won't keep your secret. Ask me, I know.

I once sat by a shore, waves nibbling at my feet, holding a secret close to me.

My secrets have weight and it must have shown, for poseidon came to me.

"Tell me your secret," he said. "I'll keep it safe. My seas are deep and they hide a hundred secrets."

I smiled.

"Tell me," he insisted, and his waves lapped hungrily at my feet. "Whisper it to my waters. I'll keep it safe. It'll lie safe and deep within my waters. I promise."

I shook my head.

"Why not? Are you not tired of carrying your secrets? I can see your shoulders shrivel. I can see your heart, turbulent and roaring. Are you not tired? Tell me, I'll keep it safe."

"No."

His waves grew rougher.

"Why not?"

"Because you are a liar."

The waves dipped, as if in surprise..

"A liar?"

"Your seas will keep my secrets?" I laughed. "Your waves wash ashore everything you promise to bury. The sea never keeps secrets. It holds them, and it washes them ashore. To different shores, far away shores. My secrets will crash painfully against the rocks that hold your waves at bay. They'll scatter like easy waves and the weight I carry will become nothing. Empty, bare, for the world to see. Nothing more than the sea foam that dissolves with the ebb and flow of your waves. Your seas cannot keep secrets. They have a habit of returning what they take."

The waves had stilled. I sat by the shore as the water receded.

"I'll have your secrets one day," I heard poseidon say as he took his waves away.

My mouth cracked into what should've been a smile.

"I'll walk to you one day. I'll carry my secrets and let their weight drown me. You'll have me one day." My voice dipped to a whisper, "But you'll never have my secrets. Your assumed depths could never keep them."

The water was almost at my feet again. I stood up and toed the line. I looked out to the sea.

"Maybe it'll be today."

[hidingunderyournose]

I remember nursing you,

With all of the sunlight from the windows, having to use both my hands and both of my mother’s to shape my breast in a way where you could latch.

I remember nursing you,

While I cried because the let down burned and I was terrified you weren’t getting enough to eat and how would I know since I had no way to measure it.

I remember nursing you,

While being forced to drink water and a protein shake by your sweet dad, who had looked helpless in the corner a few moments earlier as you and I cried, both of us in diapers having big feelings.

I’ll always remember nursing you,

Now, when it is dark and it doesn’t take a village to get you to latch.

Now, when you aren’t nursing for food, just for comfort from your Mama.

Now, when it doesn’t hurt, and you and I are at peace. Connected in a way that never was and never will be again.

When you are rowdy and loud and too busy with your own experiences, part of me will always be here in the glider in your room.

I’ll remember nursing you.

[strivingforsanity00]

Bruises to remind me

Gifts from you

All my pain behind me

Blacks and blues

You leave marks to remember

And I write about them on tumblr

[shittysawtraps]

Hello. I’d like to play a game.

You’re in a car with a beautiful boy, and he won’t tell you that he loves you, but he loves you. And you feel like you’ve done something terrible, like robbed a liquor store, or swallowed pills, or shoveled yourself a grave in the dirt, and you’re tired. You’re in a car with a beautiful boy, and you’re trying not to tell him that you love him, and you’re trying to choke down the feeling, and you’re trembling.

If he decides to reach over and touch you, like a prayer for which no words exist, you will feel your heart taking root in your body, like you’ve discovered something you didn’t even have a name for. If he does not, there’s a pipe bomb attached to the vehicle’s engine triggered to explode. You must admit your love any way you choose, but you must admit to it. It is the only way to survive in this world.

Most people are so ungrateful to love, to be loved, to be told they’re loved by the one that loves them … but you won’t be. Not anymore.

[words-never-spoken]

i don't believe anyone knows who i am

i've been hiding for so long

i've done it since i was a kid

push certain parts of me forward

when with different people

try to alter my persona

repeatedly, different for everyone

try to make people like me

it never did work

but now i'm left with the aftermath

i stopped doing it as much

i'm not the me that people remember

-k.c.

[babytoothbrain]

I am the Same Person I was in August

"Oom Sha La La", Haley Heynderickx//"All That Wanting, Right?", Devin Kelly// "Funeral" Phoebe Bridgers//"Extracting the Stone of Madness", Alejandra Pizarnik// "Little Beast", Richard Siken// all photos are mine! Photography on @el3ctraaa

[ramblingsfromthytruly]

i'm sorry

i'm sorry

for not feeling so sorry

looking at your

sorry state

i'm tired

of being tethered

my mind is tired

chipping away at your mind

it's slow work

slow fixing

but i'm not a mechanic

nor a therapist

never want to be

yours

never want to be yours

i'm dreaming

i hope you do well

i don't want to see you succeed

but i hope you succeed

[manderleyfire]

kick in the teeth

@thefudge | rpf | walton goggins/ella purnell; mature (2, 744 words)

And he feels the minty coolness of an ice cube melting on his tongue and he shares it with the girl who is twenty-five years his junior, because he wants her to swallow this ice cube, he wants her to feel that yellow shade of summer inside her very throat.

[thecouncilsinsideblog]

__Everything__

You are everything and more.

The first dust cloud and

collapse of the last star.

The atoms that make up matter

and the spaces in between.

You are all sources of light

and the shadows they create.

I am an eternal being,

here before everything was created

here after everything will be destroyed.

But I never knew what "everything" meant,

until I met you.

[cinamonngirlie]

carried by music

she fell into your arms

maybe it will be better anyway

for me to get away

took my own road - the august one

with my head down

and while picking wildflowers

i would chase another man

still with him i'm all alone

he filled my house but he never felt like home

[a-wilde-like-death]

Gifts.

What do gifts mean?

Different gifts can have different meanings.

When you go to a store and buy something you think would be appropriate, it is a distant gift. You are not closely acquainted with the reciever, your gift is a fulfillment of social courtesy due in an occasion, like a birthday or some other ceremony. The gifts you buy would be based on price (what is this person's social worth?), length of acquaintance (how many years have we attended events together?), and relation to you (getting a dinner set for a friend's daughter's wedding or a sweater for a distant aunt). You are probably unaware of their personal tastes so the gift will be generic. These gifts are always purchased.

When you go to a store and meticulously search to find something that you know the reciever will like, it is a close gift. It means you are familiar with the person and their tastes. It is usually not reliant on price, length of acquaintance or relation. It is something you give someone you consider a friend. Sometimes these gifts are given without occasion. You might find something they'll like and purchase it for them. These gifts are also always purchased.

When you take something you owned, something you used and cherished and give it to someone, it is an intimate gift. You are giving a part of yourself to someone. Cutting out a bit of your soul and presenting it for keeping. It is when someone steals your shirt and you let them keep it. When you wish to see a part of you reflected in their souls. When you gift them a shirt from your cupboard or a ring off your finger. This is the greatest gift of them all. It forgoes price and standing. It is purely out of care and mutual understanding. When you gift someone something you owned it means there is no jargon of social relationships between you. You aren't gifting because it is necessary but because you wish to. You wish for them to keep a part of you, no matter how far they go. These gifts are for people closest to you, people you care for and who care for you. These gifts cannot be purchased.

[moonlit-quills]

Special

You want to die,

You’ve told me before,

I just cannot understand why.

You mean so much to me,

More than you will ever know.

I don’t want to see you dim,

You have such a bright light,

I know I’m going out on a limb,

But I don’t want to see it

Go away forever.

I wish you could see it,

Just how special you are

To everyone, but especially me.

I can’t begin to explain,

Just know how special you are.

-Sparrow

[loafofryebread]

What if i was a dog that curled up at your feet at the end of each day in the hopes you would spare me a second of attention? What if my teeth were sharp and in one fell swoop i could tear your heart loose from where it sits delicately in your chest? What if i could mutilate you in any number of ways but i wont? What if my fur was matted with burs and patchy from scars yet i still lay my head on your lap like a child?

What if I was a dog that curled up at your feet every day hoping just begging for you to spare me a second thought? What if the door was scratched from all the times I spent filing my claws down on it? What if i rolled over to show you my stomach when you returned home? 'here! You can do whatever you wish to me and i wont fight back!'

What if I was a dog that curled up at your feet each day and ignored the itch under my skin to run and run and run? What if I was a wild creature who built myself a prison out of my own love? What if my blood curdled like milk in my complacency? What if I had to fight the urge to bite down whenever you peel back my lips to examine my teeth? What if I sat at the table like a good dog, chewing on the bones you left behind? (they're my bones, I will wittle down my own ribs till theyre naught but dust if you wish)

What if I was a dog that curled up at your feet at the end of each day because I could never bring myself to gorge myself on your lifeblood? What if I was a dog? what if I was your dog? would I be a good dog do you think? would I do it right?

[words-never-spoken]

i don’t wanna be the last option

i don’t want to be the one you text when there’s nobody left

when you’ve already tried to talk to everyone else

i want to be texted first

i don’t want to always have to start a conversation

i don’t wanna be your last choice

i don’t wanna be the last bet

-k.c.