strivingforsanity00

[strivingforsanity00]

Stop reading my fucken blog dios mios

[strivingforsanity00]

[strivingforsanity00]

Suffering and success are not synonymous

Discipline and pain are not synonymous either

I'd give anything for someone to share my views.

He says what he wants about pain and hard-earned lessons;about softness and hardness, and calls my baby a muppet.

He doesn't understand. All that he knows and all that he's learned... but he doesn't know how to mother.

I dont know a lot, and i dont know what I'm doing ever, but i do know that i am doing it, and im not afraid of my so-called idealistic views.

I told him i was glad I didn't have to coparent with him, and i think it hurt his feelingsbut unfortch, i meant it. Where is the man who shares my views??? He doesn't exist, probably, and my only choice is maybe a woman, but i can't love any woman but her.

I must be so alone because this is bs. I am no stranger to swimming against the current alone but i am so fucking tired. Im so tired.

I think about our children that i murdered and I wonder now, is this is why God made it so. Did He? Or did i go against Him?

Who knows.

There exists a sweet spot, if you will, in between his hard-earned hardness and my children's hard-earned softness. Too soft and you end up with dumb bitches...toohadd and you end up with scary men. I am really trying to get my kids to the median but probably and maybe failing. I had no one to teach me and i am so proud of m t results even if he isnt. I think they are coming along soft enough and will harden up a little with time and age. (Me talking to my playdoh).

Furthermore, hes pointed out that i have failed to teach them self-discipline. This sounds like another name for penance for me.... i am new to penance and catholisism and i had to learn discipline the hard way and so did he. How do normal people learn it?? He brought up the dojo and i was about to die because that was self harm????? Do you want me to teach them to throw up after eating on a, "diet," too??? Are you out of your fucken mind because what tf are you even saying???

It does dawn on me often that ive failed to discipline or teach self-discipline. Among so many other things, bur rejecting the census and binary is not one of them. I am proud of them for going against the curve and ehat is expected of them because that isnt easy. They have courage, and strength, and understanding of things he and i are still learning. They respect their emotions and waves and whims and in short...i am proud of the people they are becoming. The people i made with my blood, sweat, and milk alone. I made them all by my own and fuck anybody who decides it is lacking. I made these people and theyre okay people who at least don't cry about giving the homeless money or jjmo out of cars to road rage. They are okay people and i have to trust the process. Bitch

[strivingforsanity00]

Maybe its just my trauma from being strangled so many times and whatever but it really freaks me out when he gets frustrated and sits up at me like that when im literally full of cum. No respect whatsoever and God love him but...wtf athena

Wtf man

[strivingforsanity00]

Mom

Are you listening

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I wrote a song again but im not gonna post it bc of eyes

Rip to all my work that will never be seen

[strivingforsanity00]

Ding dong, Melf

[strivingforsanity00]

House md season 1 ep 0

[strivingforsanity00]

So he is reading my posts???? Guess safe spaces are bunk now

[strivingforsanity00]

So weve all taken aelf-care baths, muscle-ache baths, sexy baths, cry baths etc? Right???

Hear me out.

What about if when the water got cold we took....

...

...

ANOTHER BATH

[strivingforsanity00]

3 year old: need daddy to bathe me (Im 3 and an idiot)

Nobody:

Me: need daddy to bathe me(im 30 and depressed again)

[strivingforsanity00]

every house/wilson conversation is house being like. hello my good buddy wilson. you're wearing that tie that brings out your eyes and you're looking extra fuckable. are you cheating on your wife? and wilson being like oh house, my long-suffering friend, you look for qualities in me that you can't find in yourself because you're so miserable

[strivingforsanity00]

Im not scared

Maybe ill be okay this yr?

[strivingforsanity00]

On the one hand its kind of alarming how many women in 2025 are fantasizing about being 50s housewives, on the other hand its pretty clearly just escapism and can be taken as a measure of how bad the economic future of most regular people looks right now, on the other hand the particular character of this escapism is so blantantly divorced from our historical understanding of what the 1950s were actually like (jim crow in effect????) that it should probably be understood as a failure in education, on the other hand escapism by its very nature is preoccupied with aesthetics and doesnt give a shit about reality and we cant guarantee that better understanding of the precarity and boredom of the privileged 50s homemaker's position would have any effect at all on the women fantasizing about being one, on the other hand whats wrong with wanting to take care of your family and feel taken care of by your partner in return, on the other hand for the love of god it was the 50s on the other hand

[strivingforsanity00]

Pain meds prescription.

[strivingforsanity00]

Daughter just asked me about my wine-bath and bath-wine.

Specifically; "Dont you...not drink?"

This reframed a lot for me.

"I dont drink," like some folks say.

I reject the absolute nature of such but whatev.

Idk what my point was here but let it be known i made it this many days for no reason....and also broke that streak for no reason.

[strivingforsanity00]

I like to dream of a day when my estate is close enough to civilization to support those whom are in need of it....but far enough to not bother anyone or be bothered.

I like to dream of not only my own safe room filled with safe things and never at risk...but also of a room(or 100000000) next to mine that provide the same for whomever may need it.

This brings into question all the things. Are there rules? What can i allow and what is my duty to prevent??? Real easy to start asking those whom depend on me: "where the fuck is the dope and can i get some?"

A work in progress, to be sure.

All i can know with any certainty if that if i am meant to help i will find the way. Perhaps, i have a long way to go myself.