#shitposts will resume at some point

[kittennature]

DROP THE DAGGER AND LATHER THE BLOOD ON YOUR HANDS ROMEO ‼️‼️

[proosh]

have to go to work but want to thank everyone for turning out and supporting cavefic. a very silly jokefic spun wildly out of control getting this sort of reception has blown me away and I can't thank you all enough ;; w ;;

[genericpuff]

wasn’t expecting to see you on a r/shitpostxiv thread. i know you play ff but it was a shock LMAO. hope you’re doing well

LMAOOO that subreddit gets suggested to me all the time in my home feed and sometimes the topic's too interesting to lurk past, my shitposting knows no bounds FJDKLAFJDSKLAFAJKL plus with how heavily moderated the main FFXIV subreddit tends to be, most of the time spaces like ShitpostFFXIV and TalesFromDF wind up being way funnier, case in point:

ngl sorta off topic but I actually really enjoy the recommendation feeds on reddit, sometimes it's just recommending me stuff in the same orbit of subs that I already follow (like FF XIV), but then other times it'll show me something COMPLETELY random from some hobby or niche interest or fandom sub that I don't participate in, which makes me feel like I'm being led behind the walls of a secret establishment and now I'm overhearing all of their discourse and secrets LOL ofc this does result in sometimes getting recommendations for subreddits that I don't wanna touch with a fifty foot pole, but that's just the thrill of the recommendation roulette 😆

actually my weirdest "puff in the wild" story was when someone was asking for advice in like, the /r/tattooartists subreddit or something like that, specifically concerning their transition from a tattoo school into an actual tattoo shop and not knowing how to make that transition

and i threw in some of my own advice regarding personal networking and how the tattoo industry is still largely based on personal relationships, it's not like working a corporate or retail job where you hand out resumes until something sticks, you actually DO need to talk to people and get to know people within the community if you want to find a shop to work in

and OP responded to me with, i shit you not, a response that was along the lines of: "omg genericpuff! I love your comic! Thanks for the advice!"

and i just

w h a t

anyways yes i'm doing well thank you for asking LOL i just drank a soda, is it obvious

[junebugwriter]

On Ferality 

A ramshackle meditation on anarchy, civilization, and in going goblin mode 

Aren’t you tired of being nice?  

Shitposter extraordinaire and cultural podcaster @JUNIPER (now, sadly, deactivated for her crimes against our horrible South African overlord) tweeted out a fake headline that she cooked up for a goof about the then-current and still ongoing Kanye West implosion, noted musician and antisemite. Since then, the ubiquity of the phrase “goblin mode” has become a matter of cultural immersion, to the point that it won the 2022 Oxford English Dictionary Word of the Year.  

Clearly, @JUNIPER was onto something. People latched onto the phrase online, and now it has become simply a part of the common vocabulary. However, I think it is more than simply a passing phase or a fad. I think there is something going on in people that is hard to grasp in its totality. It is partly an abandonment of decorum and civility, partly a desire for a more authentic life. I speak of the desire to take on the goblin mode, and become, in a word, feral.  

There are many groups on Facebook of which I am a part that live into this ferality. Some aspiring to the goblinoid aesthetic, some simply embracing the eternal and ever-shifting id that lies beneath our conscious minds. It all simply points to the zeitgeist of my generation, Millennials, and the ascendant Gen Z. We are tired of being nice. We do want to go apeshit.  

There are many reasons for this, of course. Goblin mode came out of 2022, a year that was when the powers of liberal democracy decided that, since there was a COVID-19 vaccine freely available, there was no reason for adherence to mask mandates or health precautions anymore. However, for many, we had spent the better part of a year and a half in our homes, or otherwise cautious about being in public places for too long unprotected. That isolation we felt, along with the relaxation of social norms and requirements, loosened something within us. Additionally, the requirement to “come back to the office” and resume capitalism as normal, despite the pandemic still going on around us, but us all being told to just ignore it, has driven not a few of us in the disabled and immunocompromised community up a wall. 

Then again, the pandemic was just the latest in a long line of social cohesion coming unglued. Since the 2016 election, and throughout the Trump administration, every day felt like it came with another psychic assault upon the world. Four years of sustained detachment from reality has lasting effects, not the worst of which being the Q-anon apocalypse cult. Then, as we spent a year and change in our houses, we... let things go. We gave up on some things. Perhaps we didn’t get dressed as nicely as we used to. Perhaps we spent less effort in looking presentable. We took that business meeting wearing a nice shirt and gym shorts, because who was going to look at the lower half of our bodies anyways? We began to understand that civility is but a thin veneer, a fragile structure that isn’t always necessary and sometimes crumbles at the barest whiff of resistance.  

Yet I think this desire to be feral has endured, and it’s not necessarily because of any one thing. Many of us reignited our love for nature, and natural wonder. We grew enamored with a world we thought we lost in childhood. Not a few of us lost ourselves in naturalist nostalgia, and nostalgia in general is big business these days. But nature is a difficult thing to capitalize upon and resists our commodification. Along with this, though, we realized just how constrained we really are in the world. 

For many, working from home made people realize just how much we sacrificed for our jobs. Hours of life wasted on commuting. Stress of open office plans, constant meetings and interruptions. A good portion of the population realized just how little we needed our central offices, and skyscrapers began to be left unfilled and empty. Real estate for office space saw real and drastic losses, because how much money, time, and life was wasted in these places? And people have resisted returning to the old pre-pandemic status quo. For their part, I am excited, because people have realized just how much freedom we could have, and just how much our occupations take from us.  

As for me, well, I work in the service industry currently. I’m still working in hospitality, a job that does require physical presence. Academia never recovered, most institutions becoming hybrid class spaces, and I barely am required to be in person with any of my meetings or classes. Life has changed a great deal in a short amount of time. More than that, life seems to resist our structures and systems. And people are tired of trying to keep up. 

Something has changed in younger generations that the older ones don’t quite grasp just yet. There has been a resurgence in not simply disenchantment with neoliberal democracy, but a sense within younger folks that the system no longer does what it we were told it would do. Rather, we are beginning to see that the system is working as intended, and it is in its most extreme form. As a result, we are seeing more and more the America that we were told we could be a part of no longer exists, if it ever did. We are talking to each other, learning that we don’t have the same reverence for “the way things are” that our parents did.  

Enter the internet. Enter academia. Enter meme culture. Enter social media. Enter a reclamation for classical Marxist analysis. Enter class consciousness. Enter anarchy. 

What I am about to say here as perhaps another “coming out” of a sort, but not much of one if you’ve paid attention to the kind of person I have been most of my life. This is, naturally, when things get political. I am personally drawn to a kind of pacifist Christian anarcho-communism. What this means is I am  

Disenchanted with all unjust hierarchical structures in society, including those of racism, classism, cis-hetero-patriarchy, and so forth.  

Believe in a communal, decentralized, socialist egalitarianism, free from the dominance of capital as the driving force in society, and in favor of a more just and fair society that prioritizes the needs of all rather than the freedom and power of the few over others 

Am resistant to violence and would like to work towards a world where violence is no longer necessary, understanding that in certain cases force is a necessity but not an inevitability 

Believe that the way of Christ and the Reign of God/Kingdom of God/Kingdom of heaven is what the ideal society ought to strive towards, and that society looks a lot like one that is free from violence and unjust hierarchies. 

All of that is just kind of a brief outline of the things I believe. I want to also say that I’m primarily an ethicist, and not a political philosopher, and by no means should this be taken as a coherent or comprehensive political platform. What I am, however, is deeply moved by my theological beliefs, and it is out of these theological beliefs that we ought to strive towards a political reality that more closely mirrors the Reign of God. Make of that what you will.  

The point of me saying all of that is when I express this political sentiment, I am far from alone in doing so. More and more people my generation and younger are growing more aware of the harsh, restrictive systems that capital has put us in thrall to, and we are chafing at our chains. We were told to stay loyal to our companies and work organizations and were laid off despite it all. We are told to “just get a better job,” but the better jobs no longer exist, and all of us are saddled with too much debt to ever escape it in one lifetime. Buying housing is largely growing to be a goal out of reach, and even rents are skyrocketing. The cost of living has ballooned since the pandemic began and has not evened out or reduced as we were assured it would. Companies are more profitable than ever, and workers are being exploited more each day. We are tired of our world as it is and yearn for a better one. Socialism, communism, anarchism (NOT anarchocapitalism, aka libertarianism), all of these proclaim that a better world is possible, but only if we act together.  

Beneath it, though, is an unbridled desire to stop living in the status quo. To reject the civility and norms of the world as it is, because that world doesn’t exist anymore. We long to be feral, unburdened by the expectations of our capitalist system, and more authentic to ourselves and to each other. We are isolated, and long to be in community with each other. We are frustrated, and long for release.  

To paraphrase Antonio Gramsci: The old world is dying, and the new world struggles to be born: now is the time of goblins. 

(Frank Frazetta) 

Civility and civilization are flimsy things, and only as strong as we desire them to be. The desire for freedom from its bonds is not new, either. Robert E. Howard famously expressed this brittleness in his Conan stories, as evidenced by quotes like, “Civilized men are more discourteous than savages because they know they can be impolite without having their skulls split, as a general thing.”1 Howard often concluded that the “civilized” people of the world were simply putting civility as a self-delusion, that we had progressed beyond “savagery” as embodied by Conan. Howard was writing in an era in which such terms were common parlance and are now rightly called out as racist/xenophobic, especially when talking about indigenous/native peoples. However, there is also an argument to be made that Howard’s work was entirely critical of the entire dynamic, that in writing about Conan, he was trying to reveal that we were not nearly as “civilized” as we purported to be, and that there was little separating us from those we deemed “savage” save for culture and power. Conan stories are pulp, popular fantasy fiction, but fantasy is a great way to examine real dynamics in our culture. For all their lurid salaciousness, Howard’s writings put a mirror up to us and our advancements, our cultures, our fancy dress, and reveal that the emperor has no clothes, and we are all goblins now.  

I write all of this as a way of expressing the deep angst I am experiencing, but also the collective angst of the moment. I am tired. All my friends, family, and society are tired. We long to collect shiny rocks on a forest path, make noisy music with our friends, cook a big pot of stew, play silly games, and tell stories. We indulge in fantasy and science fiction as an escape, but the escape only reveals the truth of our dystopic society. We are in a fail-state. Our political choices are 1) a fascist and 2) and vain bureaucrat who is at the very least is not a full-on fascist but that is really his only selling point at this point, who aids and abets genocide and allows our country to fall into greater disrepair. We are told to accept this, and more of us are deciding to opt out, to fight for a better world, to organize, to resist the lie that “civilization” has sold us. We are savage. We are angry. We are messy. We are noisy. For along with our organizing, we recognize that humanity is inherently disorganized, disorderly, feral, and messy. This messiness only points towards our greater humanity than is allowed by our current system. We are going goblin mode because being human has not worked out for us thus far, and we need something different.  

I write this to expiate some of my own inner struggles, my demons, my rage and anxiety. I am worn out and beyond burnt out by the grind that must continue. What happens when there is no longer anything to grind? What happens when people collectively get tired of being ground into a fine paste, and have that paste sold back to us at ever more unaffordable prices? The society we built is a meat grinder, and buddy, that grinding noise does not sound good. We ought to resist the meat grinder. Why did we even build that grinder in the first place? It seems like it was a bad decision to build it, because all it ever did was grind humans into meat, and we ought not do that. 

Perhaps all this is pointless. I am but one person, writing alone in the middle of the night to an audience of like-minded people. I have little time to do a lot of the organizing that I might desire, and even less talent for organizing people as a general principle.  People are mercurial and illogical things, and tend to go for gut instinct as opposed to reasoned arguments. But this is not a reasonable argument, is it? This is a primal scream. This is a guttural howl into the abyss, into the frozen and bloody plains of a battle that has been raging since long before I was born. I am tired of pretending that just because we wear nice clothes and hide behind a desk that our battles don’t have real impacts, that the coffee I might buy here isn’t grown and cultivated by people enslaved far away, out of sight, and therefore out of mind? Our convenience, our civilization, is built out of blood and bones, and I’m not supposed to get mad about it or even think about it? I have benefitted from the subjugation, pain and misery of others, and I’m just supposed to be okay with it?  

(Ippolito Scarsellino) 

I’m supposed to be okay, when Jesus himself, God incarnate, saw the cruelty of our systems and got so upset, he made a whip and threw tables over it all? That’s right, I’m saying it here, Jesus went goblin mode on the moneychangers. He got righteously angry and upset everything that was “civilized” in his society. The people in power saw this was a threat and had him crucified as an example to any other rabble-rousers. Jesus started an anarcho-communist movement, and I want us to reclaim this tradition today. Loving your neighbor is a radical position. Liberating the prisoner is a radical position. Caring for the widow and orphan is a radical position. Working towards healing is a radical position. Putting on a towel and washing your student’s feet is a radical position. Breaking your body and pouring out your blood for your friends is a radical position. We are his followers, but we are too afraid of breaking away from our comfort and our convenience to follow him.  

Take this as your invitation to go goblin mode, to embrace ferality. Civilization is a beautiful lie that we tell ourselves so we can go to sleep easier. Well, I’m not getting much sleep as it is, so I might as well break out of the comfortable lie.  

So, I will ask you one final time: aren’t you tired of being nice? Don’t you want to just go apeshit? 

[dianagracesworld]

TLDR; Help me with advice on life after graduation and doing things to improve my resume (designing a personal website, encouragement, certification courses advice etc.)

Long rant ahead.

Hi guys,

So this is the first time I’m posting here and I’m looking for some advice from the community I’m most interactive with (you guys). This is a real life advice request from you guys so feel free so don’t feel obligated to help me out if you think you can’t for whatever reason.

After many years of struggling with university, I’m finally going to graduate after this summer. Yay! For reference, I’m a maths and economics major at a top university in Canada.

However, my grades are not so good overall because I felt an incredible pressure (and guilt from underperforming my expectations) during my first three years at university. Ultimately, I got severely depressed at the end of third year and got placed on academic suspension for a year at the end of the my ‘third’ year. Then, I came back after that year off and worked really hard but only performed about average in comparison to the rest of my cohort for the last two years (had to redo many courses from that failed third year 😅).

Now, I’m on the brink of graduating but I don’t have any relevant job experience in my field (finance) and no job experience since 2019 (before Covid). The market is cooling down for now and I’m not sure how the economy in North America/ Worldwide is going to be in the next few months.

I guess what I’m trying to say is that I don’t know how I will be able to find a job in my sector given all of this since jobs are so competitive. I’m eventually looking to get in the investment banking sector (get that 💰 lmao).

So my plan is that I’m going to beef up my resume by doing some certification courses such as the CFA, Bloomberg Market Concepts, Bloomberg ESG, possibly a course in Python (PECP) and some other courses on LinkedIn on Excel (particularly VBA in Excel). I’m also going to make a personal website using Wordpress where I will try to not shitpost as often (ahem 😳). Among all of these, the biggest challenges are the CFA (which has 3 levels and takes 3 years to fully complete) and the time management of it all. Even finishing Level 1 in the CFA should give me a slight edge compared to other starter people in the industry.

The timeline I’ve decided on is based until November (I have the funds to support myself until December). It’s going to be hard, but ultimately (if many things right) it should be worth it.

Here are the main questions I have-

When do I seriously start applying for jobs? (1st round a month ago went miserably)

Am I possibly taking on too much?

If I finish all of this in record time (6 months), am I going to be competitive for these kinds of jobs?

Is all this work worth it? (Don’t give me politically correct advice/ No b.s.)

How do I get some relevant industry job/work experience asap?

Can someone advice me on how to build a personal website (design aspects)? How much personality to show? How do I make myself come across as a well balanced person with interests which are strategically aligned with finance a little bit? Do I include other interests such as literature and stuff? I’m obviously going to include all my research papers on it as well so should I include research papers I’ve done in courses other than maths and economics?

Sorry for the extra long rant. Any advice or support will be helpful at this point. Frankly speaking, I know this is a lot to ask from strangers on the internet but at least I’m not asking on Reddit 😅😂.

[endless-season]

Happy K 10 Year Anniversary!!!

Shoutout to anyone who knows every chara in this pic off the top of their head

[sparring-spirals]

do you ever plan on writing meta/your thoughts on some of the one shots ?

Hrmm. i mean, maybe? Possibly? It really kind of depends on whatever strikes me at the right time in the right place, and tbh, if I feel like I have something to say that hasn't already been beautifully phrased by other people.

The primary thing is that I don't really control my meta braincell, it just sort of rattles around or takes long naps or rockets off the walls, and sometimes I catch it and shake words out of its pockets. Certain themes/dynamics/character traits get me better than others, but that doesn't mean I'll always be able to write about it. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

I also tend to favor character-centric analysis, and the nature of oneshots don't always lend themselves to that, or not for the stuff I tend to write about.

Don't misunderstand though, I do really enjoy the oneshots, at least when I can get myself to sit down and watch them. Off the top of my head, both Liam's twoshot and Nautilus Ark were both splendid. 👌👌👌👌 themes, storytelling, character builds, unique vibes.... nice. The Elden Ring oneshot? Hilarious. Fantastic. The Elder SCROLLS four-shot? Exquisite (the first half i saw at least). Guest Battle Royale? Murder Capitalism Hell Yeah. Oneshots are fun! Just not always followed by meta.

[carlatsukinamistolemyhamsandwich]

Kino and the ghouls sneaking around Banmaden in LE like

[indica-lungs]

Now opening the bidding war for my kidneys.

[corporalswhore]

⇒ TAKING DIRTY MIRROR PICS WITH THEM

includes; kotaro, tobio, kenma, tsukki, tetsuro & daichi.

warnings; crack/nsfw. curses. another shitpost from yours truly mwah. unedited. might do a pt. 2

→ kotaro bokuto

mirror pics?

say no more

you mentioned it one time whilst scrolling through instagram

and the thought has never left his brain

so he creates the perfect opportunity for you both to take one

albeit you’re beyond fucking confused

he’s balls-deep in you as you ride him, so close to your orgasm that you almost start shaking. whimpers and moans escape your lips as you lock eyes with your boyfriend. kotaro gives you a cheeky grin, palms gripping your waist tightly - halting your movements momentarily.

“w-what?” you ask breathless, dick-dazed.

your phone, laid on top one of the many pillows littering his bed, is grasped by his left hand.

“what are you doing, ko?” you’re starting to get annoyed, your release slowly slipping away from you.

he places the phone in your palm and you note the way it’s already open and on the camera app.

kotaro points at the mirror to the side of his room, not far from his bed.

“we’re taking a mirror pic!”

an irked expression graces your once lust- blown face. this man can’t be serious.

“c’mon! you wanted to do this!”

“not in the middle of my orgasm,” you groan, but zoom into the camera anyway.

your hands are propped up in a certain way to hide your boobs, squishing them in the process. the phone blocks half of your face and you fix your posture. your boyfriend’s dick is still in you, pulsing at every movement.

you can’t help but want to strangle kotaro right now for interrupting your pleasure but you restrain yourself. his two palms sprawl across your waist and you quickly snap the picture - desperately wanting a release.

you throw the phone back onto the bed and resume your previous movements. kotaro just laughs at your eagerness and reaches up to press a kiss onto your lips.

“good girl.”

⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯✦

→ tobio kageyama

dirty mirror pics?

yeah he knows his mirror is fucking dirty but he didn’t know it’s a photography genre????

dude’s fucking clueless when you ask him

“huh?”

you love your boyfriend but, it takes everything in you not to scream at his obliviousness.

“just..” you start by leading him to the mirror, “stand here.”

space cadet. doesn’t move a muscle as he stares at his reflection - he’s only got on his heart-printed boxers.

stripping off your clothes, your lingerie-clad self drops to your knees in front of him, causing him to move back a bit.

“are you gonna-“

“no!” you roll your eyes and hand him your phone. to be frank, sucking him off would just get him more flustered and it’d be difficult to get the pic. so selfishly, you opted not to indulge your boyfriend.

peering up at him, tobio has not a thought behind those eyes. when you hand him the phone, it’s already on the camera app - but he’s still confused.

“here,” you take his empty palm and encircle it with your hair. his hand acting as a make-shift hair tie. tobio grips it tightly, almost like second-nature to him.

grinning, you scoot to the middle of his legs. mouth fanning his crotch as you take your actual hair tie and twist it around both of your wrists behind your back. obviously, you didn’t have a real pair of handcuffs but the pic you wanted to recreate just looked so hot that you couldn’t not try to recreate it perfectly.

with tobio’s grip on your hair allowing you to peer up at him, you bite back a blush as you recall the many memories of both of you locking eyes at this angle.

“you can the pic now.”

he nods, somewhat stiffened in his movements - but still manages to snap a few pics. you just hope it’s of good quality.

“i know you wanted your ass in the frame but - my head wasn’t.”

“tobio!” you groan, “it’s fine.” yeah you wanted your ass in the frame (because it looks fucking magnificent) but he could’ve been less blunt with his words.

“okay well - can i get some head now?”

fucking dumbass.

⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯✦

→ kenma kozume

doesn’t even realize what you’re doing

he’s too engrossed in his fucking game

you keep moving on his lap trying to get a better angle and he’s like

“you’re bothering me”

boy if you don’t stfu

with only his hoodie on, your cheek rests on his shoulder-blade as you lowly extend your hand out so it doesn’t block his view of the monitor. his hands cage you in by the waist and it hikes up the fabric of the hoodie with each movement he makes. his controller digs into the skin of your back but you’re accustomed to it.

the camera barely focuses on the mirrored closet door due to the incredibly dark room and you can’t help but sigh. the only source of light emits from the monitor and it’s extremely bright in contrast to other parts of the room - so you move ever-so-slightly to get a better angle - and kenma jolts. “would you stop?”

bitch.

you mutter an apology and he uses his wrist to move up the bunched up fabric annoying him - resulting in only your boobs being covered as of now. well, this just makes things easier. you arch your back slightly to accentuate your ass a little bit and try once more to get good lighting.

eventually you do when kenma moves closer to the screen, giving you just the right amount of light needed. your fingers sneakily tangle with his hair and you hurriedly snap the picture before he moves again and before your back gives out from that position.

“aw, this is cute!” you say, relaxing back into his chest. once again, he groans, “i’m literally going to throw you if you move again,”

fucking bitch.

⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯✦

→ kei tsukishima

mirror pics???

don’t make him laugh

he thinks the idea is absurd

“how childish are you?”

like bitch??? it’s just a pic

let me LIVE GOD

“please?” you sit on the edge of his bed, hands gripping his ankles as he scrolls on his phone. “i swear it’s just one picture! after that, you’ll never have to do it again!” you try to bargain with him, but he’s not budging.

“why do you want to be those type of people? who wants to see that on their instagram?”

“this isn’t going on instagram! i just wanted to take it because it’s cute!”

kei sighs loudly, seemingly fed up with your pestering. “fine, just one!” he makes it clear before he grabs your hand and pulls you towards his mirror.

he sits down on his floor and without warning, lifts your sweater up; covering his entire face under it. “kei? what the fuck are you doing?”

“would you just pose?”

you sigh, twisting your legs slightly to push your ass out, your lace underwear is on display (due to your sweater being raised up) and kei’s right hand finds its way on your ass cheeks. you lean closer into him and you feel his lips lightly brush your stomach - sending chills across your body.

you rest your hand atop his covered head and the other behind his neck, “okay, you can take it now,”

you don’t know how but, he expertly takes the picture with his covered eyes. but it’s only when he releases himself from your sweater, do you look closer to the image; both of your heads weren’t in the frame.

that bastard. if he didn’t want to be in it that’s fine but what about you?

“you’re welcome.” he says smugly and returns to his previous position on the bed.

fucking asshole.

⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯✦

→ tetsuro kuroo

dirty pics?

with you????

you don’t have to ask twice

he’s already pulling you on top his lap

but you just took a bath?????

so you’re fucking naked

but the dumbass does not care

your knees, along with your hands on your boyfriend’s shoulder blades, are the only thing keeping you steady on his bed. “suro c’mon, let me get some clothes,” you beg but his grip on your waist tells you you’re not going to win this fight. your knees cage his legs in as your breasts suffocates his face and he lets out a giddy chuckle- yeah he’s having too much fun.

tetsuro picks up his phone that’s next to him and his thumb slides across the screen, opening the camera app. he pulls you closer to him, your breasts now being squashed by his chest and your arms wrapped around his neck. tetsuro’s free arm comes down to your ass and simply covers your most intimate areas - leaving only your butt-cheeks to be seen in the frame.

he quickly snaps a few and unceremoniously throws his phone elsewhere. his hands encircle your waist once more and he pulls you down onto the mattress with him, grinning widely.

you’re beyond flustered at his actions, “tetsuro! let me put something on!”

“nope, i think you look better like this.”

⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯✦

→ daichi sawamura

poor dude is so confused when you ask him

“mirror pics? like in the nude?”

he’s FLUSTERED

and somewhat protective???

he’s beyond confused when you pull him towards his full-body mirror. daichi’s hands rests on your hips when you pull your top over your head, eliciting a gasp from your boyfriend.

“what’s happening here?” he asks, completely taken-aback by your nude body. you’ve only worn on one of his t-shirts that fits you like a dress, and your favorite pair of underwear.

he’s even more perplexed when you reach for your phone and sees you open the camera app. “babe?”

“we’re taking a mirror pic!” you explain to him, as giddy as a child.

“in the nude?” he responds very quickly, sounding almost stressed out.

“technically, i’m the only one nude here-“

daichi’s grip on your waist tightens as he spins you around to face him. “i love you, but i don’t think i feel comfortable with other people seeing you like this.” he mumbles into your neck.

you can’t help but laugh at him, “daichi this isn’t for anyone else but us!”

he raises his head sheepishly, “oh.”

you smile up at him, giving his lips a quick peck and turning your back against him.

“okay so-“ resting your phone back onto the table beside you, your palms grasps his hands on your waist and brings it up to your boobs. instinctively, daichi cups them.

right how you wanted it.

you giggle at his actions and reach back for your phone. leaning against his toned chest, you realize his head is out of the frame due to his tall stature but you don’t mind. his fingers are starting to gently twist your nipples so you quickly snap the picture before he becomes a horny man child.

you snap about five before releasing yourself from his grip and turning back around to give him a sweet kiss.

he grumbles into the kiss as his hands leave your boobs, “you’re a tease.”

“thanks, baby.”

[believerindaydreams]

me: we will resume normal service of Fallout shitposts and random memes at...some point.

[quixotin]

We interrupt your scheduled Truth ranting to bring you Day 3 of Adrinette April

ML Season 4 shitposting will resume after this message. 

@adrinetteapril

Day 3 - Game Night

Read on AO3

Marinette always played to win. She didn’t care what sort of challenge or competition it was. So long as there were an opponent and some sort of prize to win, she was game. And she was not the kind to touch her heart or think twice about backstabbing you if that meant winning the match, either. She went all out, or not at all. After all, games of any kind were the only occasions where Marinette allowed herself to unleash her ruthlessness, to blow off some steam.

Unfortunately, so did Adrien.

This was a fact initially only Nino knew, having been witness to a couple of his basketball matches and fencing competitions. The dude packed a punch. You could be easily fooled by his friendly, polite demeanor but one step into the mat, the court, or whatever kind of space where competition happened, and that mild-mannered boy flew out the window. This was a truth the girls learned much to their amused surprise when Alya invited them to a board game night.

Regrettably, though, it had been Marinette who had been at the receiving end of his competitiveness. Adrien and she had been playing as allies throughout a long round of Diplomacy when, at the very last minute, Adrien betrayed her to protect his troops from Alya. It didn’t help his case that she had managed to win anyway, thus making his betrayal of Marinette be all for nothing.

The thing is, Marinette knew this was a game and she wasn’t about to make a deal out of it, certainly not when this was Adrien in question. But that didn’t mean she wasn’t going to ruffle his feathers a little bit if she could, especially after finding out he was perhaps the only person she knew who was as competitive as her.

Besides, that betrayal demanded to be avenged and who was she to deny the universe what it asked for? Particularly when Uno was the weapon to exact her justice?

She smiled devilishly at her cards.

“So with the blank wildcard, I can set whatever order I want, right?” Marinette commented casually as she mulled over her next move while Nino and Alya struggled to organize the handful of cards they had acquired over the last few rounds. A regrettable bout of bad luck, plus Adrien’s quiet but ruthless strategizing had left them sharing a good two-thirds of the deck they were playing with.

All the while, Adrien grinned smugly at them, dangling the one card he had left, and utterly convinced nothing Marinette could come up with would prevent him from winning the round.

“Yeah,” Alya said.

“Okay!” Marinette said chirpily, already knowing the rules but just fishing for confirmation. She set down her blank wildcard and with the sweetest voice possible, she ordered, “Adrien, take all but five cards from both of Nino and Alya’s hand, and return any power card or wildcard to the deck.”

“No,” he gasped, while Nino and Alya burst into screeching laughter. “Mari, no!”

“Also, I pick red.”

“It’s not fair! They have the whole deck!” Adrien complained as both Alya and Nino pushed their little mounds of cards towards him, crying with laughter.

“I’m not taking them!” he protested.

“Oh yes, you are!” Nino said. “You’re the reason I have thirty cards in here, you bastard. You’re taking them!”

Adrien pouted and grumbled, resigning to take the collection and causing the three of his friends to wheeze with uncontrollable laughter as he struggled to organize his new hand of plus seventy cards. “You are evil , Marinette.”

“I will take no such slander from the man that threw me to the dogs,” Marinette said, mocking a dignified air, and causing Alya and Nino’s hysterical laughter to escalate.

“I had to do it or Alya would’ve taken my army!”

“You betrayed me. We were a team !”

Adrien sighed, finally laughing himself. “Okay fine. Just be prepared, I’m going to destroy you.”

“Bold talk for a fool who has more than half the deck,” Marinette said with a wink. “Next time, don’t betray your allies!”

Call it bad luck, call it Alya, Nino, and Marinette working in tandem to pulverize Adrien, but the poor boy could not get his groove back. Even after that horrendous round was finished, Adrien ended up losing in the next few as well, much to everybody else’s amusement.

“I see how it is, then,” he said, sourly, yet only on the surface. In reality, Adrien was elated to even have someone to bicker with over silly board games. His own collection, though much more extensive than Alya’s, sat at back at the Agreste mansion neatly organized by size and name, collecting dust.  

“If that’s how you’re going to play, fine by me. We’ll see who laughs last,” he grumbled as Marinette snickered at him.

“What was that you said?” she wondered, taunting him. “Something about destroying me?”

Laughter bubbled from the crevices in Adrien’s fake scowl. He was having too much fun to pretend he was mad.

“Yo, what other game are we playing?” Alya asked.

Adrien scanned the stack of battered board game boxes that sat on the counter of Alya’s dinner table and grinned, immediately snatching his pick. “This one!”

Marinette blew a raspberry. “Twister? You’re going to lose.”

“We’ll see about that, Pigtails,” he said with a smug smile.

After flipping a coin between Alya and Nino, who were both arguing to see who’d have the privilege of watching the certified chaos that it was going to be having Adrien and Marinette compete against each other, Nino was assigned as referee.

Alya, Marinette, and Adrien stood without shoes at the edge of the Twister mat waiting for Nino’s instructions. It started civilly enough.

“Left foot, red.”

“Left hand, green.”

Given that Marinette was in the middle and being the shortest of all three, Adrien seized the opportunity to claim the green spot that was closest to her. She yelped, taken aback, and forced to take the one immediately adjacent to the left, leaving her in an awkwardly stretched position.

“Right foot, blue.”

Adrien smirked, instantly applying the same strategy and forcing Marinette to slide under him to put her foot on a blue spot. “Adrien! You’re cheating!”

“I’m doing no such thing, you’re just bug-sized.”

Marinette gasped, both delighted and insulted at Adrien’s audacity. Alya was too busy laughing at her reaction to even care about the fact she had fallen down.

“Left hand, blue.”

“Adrien!” Marinette complained after Adrien took the closest spot to her once again.

He laughed with unbridled amusement as Marinette produced a tiny, “Eeep!” and fell down. Not content with the outcome of the game, she launched herself aiming for his ribs, knowing he was dangerously ticklish in that area.

Adrien produced an unfortunate wail-like sound before collapsing right underneath Marinette, who despite being squashed by him, was not deterred from continuing her attack.

“Ma--ri--MARINETTE STOP!” he exclaimed, laughing hysterically and rolling, trying to free himself from the tiny “bug-sized” girl.

“No!” Marinette said, laughing with malicious power. “You were cheating!”

“No, I WAS NOT! MARI!” Fighting the torturous tickling, he forced himself to sit so that he could return the attack.

Marinette squealed with a pitch higher than Adrien thought was humanly possible. Delighted by the way she squirmed and laughed, he kept tickling her.

“Stop!”

“No, no, you started it!”

It was Marinette’s unintentional jab at his stomach that put an end to the tickle fight. She managed to elbow Adrien hard enough that she knocked the wind off from him. He pleaded for a truce despite the fact Marinette was not attacking him anymore but rather was sitting next to him, mortified that she had hurt him.

“You’re a sore loser,” Adrien pointed out, giggling, delighted to have learned that particular fact about Marinette.

“And you’re a ruthless backstabber,” she retorted, grinning. “Two can play the guilt-trip game.“

“Hey, I play to win,” he said beaming at her.

“I’ll get you back next time we play Mecha Strike,” she threatened him, adorably poking her tongue out at him, thus defeating any sense of menace she could have possibly portrayed.

“Can’t wait,” Adrien said with an elated smile and a blush caused by all the tickling. Or, at least, that’s what he told himself.

[starneko123]

Yoomi & Köre/Nova Nagako Shitpost n' Incorrect Quotes pls?

Yoomi: I learned some very valuable lessons from this.

Korë: I'm guessing they are all horrible distortions on the lessons you actually should've taken away.

Yoomi: Death isn't real and I'm basically god.

Korë, in a meeting: My policy is if you see something, say something.

Yoomi: I saw a squirrel in a tree today!

Korë, with the tons of someone who is used to Yoomi: Outstanding.

Korë: This is what I'm talking about people.

Korë: If there's going to be a big dramatic scene, wait until I get back.

Yoomi: Of course. I can't flip this table by myself.

Korë, going over Yoomi's resume: Okay, so right here, it states that you're creative.

Yoomi: Yes.

Korë: Okay...may I know what you create?

Yoomi: Problems.

Korë: This is a mistake.

Yoomi, enthusiastically: A mistake were going to laugh at one day.

Korë: But not today.

Yoomi, still enthusiastic: Oh no. Today's going to be a mess.

Yoomi: *Kicks the door down looking panicked*

Korë: What did you do?

Yoomi: Nobody died.

Korë: WHAT KIND OF ANSWER IS THAT?

Korë: I actually have a black belt.

Yoomi: In what, karate?

Korë: No, from Gucci.

Korë: I was arrested for being too cool.

Yoomi: The charges were dropped due to a lack of supporting evidence.

Korë: Don't worry I have a few knives up my sleeve.

Yoomi: I think you mean cards.

Korë, pulling knives out of her sleeves: No, I do not.

Yoomi: Can you keep a secret?

Korë: Do you know anything about my life?

Yoomi: No I do not. Good point.

Yoomi: Am I in trouble?

Korë: Take a guess.

Yoomi: No?

Korë: Take another guess.

Korë: Where are you going?

Yoomi: To get ice cream or commit a felony, I'll decide on the way there.

Korë: Violence isn't the answer.

Yoomi: You're right.

Korë: *sighs in relief*

Yoomi: Violence is the question.

Korë: What?

Yoomi, bolting away: And the answer is yes.

Korë, running after them: NO-

[tomatograter]

Two things, first do you feel like john/june and Dirk would get along together? I feel like they're personalities compliment each other nicely and secondly if you haven't listened to it, wow wow by Neil cicierega along with cabinet man by lemon demon are some great Dirk songs if you're ever lookin for some more!

i like neil’s work a lot! he’s basically a staple on shuffle at this point. and this is a complex question to me bc i feel the answer is... “not much”, but in an interesting way - for june, dirk is a downgrade version of vriska + terezi + rose and an edgier dave, far more invested in putting up elaborate displays of hypermasculinity and shutting out the slightest hint of public weakness to go on a textual deluge about a bazillion shitpost academic topics she could frankly find funnier sources for. Karkat is the only troll boy june references as ‘not lame’ in the entire comic and that’s because he was so easily, boisterously outraged at everything he delighted her, purely as a chatty bounce-off target. The way i see it, she probably takes conversations with dirk as a gesture of extended courtesy for hanging out with the other strilondes, but has better hangout options on the top of her list that don’t include pumping up her agonizing existential dread. Probably takes the chance to try wiseguy jokes and tricks to derail the more sluggish subjects. 

For dirk, both june and jade exist in this “i pretend i do not see” null space as jane and jake’s family (sometimes more awkwardly, their daughters) and people he just doesnt have the correct drive in mind to get to know but is dying to impress, for further establishing his reputation. But his definition of making “a good impression” doesn’t always quite match with theirs. Jade probably earnestly debates him on robotics and is interested to hear some of his more engaging musings on theories, but she’s got an historically intimidating resume on her alpha self, one he’s well aware of. (i think its p funny to think about them going over shared subjects, in terms of art & furries & botanics & mechanics, it wracks his nerves). June is on the flipside here of having less common ground to positively play with, because she *likes* to push back and poke fun at you (sometimes in a mean spirited way) even if he’s got his funny clown pants on, and sorta looks like shes tuning out or trying to distract him into losing sight of the discourse when he has his business outfit put instead. Can easily make a dude feel more frustratingly self-absorbed than usual, like whatever he does her sim points won’t really go up & are always in the verge of tipping to negative. I always think of them as the awkward connections in big family parties, which can end up funny sometimes but have you wistfully wishing for a saving grace.

[gisellelx]

I believe resume will be taught to be racist towards people who aren’t white

The pragmatics of this ask suggest that this is maybe something the asker expects me to disagree with? 

Renesmee is (at this point in the timeline was) raised by extremely rich, pretty oblivious white people, some of whom have histories involving incredibly overtly racist actions, and none of whom grew up in a time which would’ve been conducive to starting to question the inherently racist structure of U.S. Society. 

Of course she would develop racist attitudes and no one would even notice. 

But here’s the thing I hope would happen, and certainly headcanon for my Kairos AU (Bella and Esme don’t survive BD and C & Ed end up together) which is that the fact that she is Gen Zer, with the ability to hop on Instagram and TikTok and tumblr and all these spaces where people her “age” are confronting white supremacy, patriarchy, heterosexism and other systemic societal ills would cause her to ask questions. I like the version of Renesmee who is a royal PITA to the rest of the Cullens even when it makes them uncomfortable. (@notquitetwilight ‘s shitpost Resentment Cullen Instagram is something I take as more than just a shitpost. I think it’s probably spot on--if you’ve never seen it, go find it.) I think that’s a plausible thing, and were this where I wanted to go in fic writing, I would love to explore what that tension is like. From a writing standpoint, that makes her a very useful character. If you try to impose anti-racist attitudes on the Cullens because you just want the story to be less racist, it feels very forced and the reader feels the heavy hand of the fic writer. This lends to a very preachy sounding fic (I’ve read several). 

Renesmee actually offers a really interesting twist to the narrative in that regard. She is a character who can grow and who would have some perfectly understandable reasons to develop attitudes which are at odds with those of the rest of her family. And that means she could be used as a character who helps shine a light on these highly problematic parts of the original story and could be used to change them in a way that doesn’t feel like the author smashing in with a heavy fist. There’s also the distinct possibility that she will end up in an interracial relationship. Not saying that plenty of probelmatic AF white people don’t end up in interracial relationships, but it can allow for growth on the part of the white partner, if that growth is allowed to happen.  It’s all the more reason Meyer needs to leave Jacob/Renesmee alone. If she writes them with her utter resistance to self-reflection about her own biases, none of this repair is possible. Ficcers have to do it; we’re the only ones who can.  Also this is a really good spot for me to tag @renegadepack and the Anti Racism Twilight Resource carrd--if you’ve read this far, you should think more about these questions. https://arrfortwilightfans.carrd.co/

[bite-me-didyme]

Why is everyone calling Renesmee"Resume"? I came late and i'm a little bit lost haha

Lmao I have answers for you

Shitpost answer: what? Those are the same words.

Serious answer: When humans read things, at some point your eyes stop processing every letter and just make general assumptions based off the grouping of shapes. So a word we've never seen before can become a keyboard smash in our heads really quickly. Renesmee is an unusual name (I've never seen it outside Twilight or Twilight related contexts) with an unusual spelling; resume is a fairly average vocab word, and it has most of the same letters, so our reading brains can easily link them after a couple examples. Additionally, the multitude of memes based off misspelling benedict cumberbatch's name and alexander hamilton's name show that misspelling long/complicated names is a form of humor, based off internetisms and unintentional autocorrect-isms. A lot of people thought Renesmee's name was nonsensical and complicated, as well as out of character for Isabella "please call me just Bella" Swan-Cullen, so we made a joke about ridiculously misspelling it.