#shit EVERYTIME and they just ignored me
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I GOT AN INTERVIEW‼️‼️‼️
#next thursday im interviewing for in n out im so happy that was one of my top picks#hopefully ill get it bc if i get in at in n out i will be making $22 an hour#literally everywhere else is like $16-$20#IM GONNA BE ABLE TO EAT REGULARLY WHICH IS THE THING IM MOST EXCITED FOR BC LIVING OFF JUST MY MOMS INCOME MEANS I USUALLY EAT ONCE A DAY#we got food its just all shit that's disgusting or my parents will go out of their way to buy only SOME of the ingredients for things and#then get mad when those ingredients go bad bc i didnt use them even tho they went to the store like 8 times in that period and i asked for#shit EVERYTIME and they just ignored me#IVE BEEN SO FUCKING STRESSED THO IVE BEEN OUT OF WORK FOR A YEAR#I WAS ACTUALLY CLOSE TO GETTING ONE AT THE BEGINNING OF THE YEAR IN MY OLD TOWN BUT WE HAD TO MOVE AN HOUR AWAY
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I couldn’t be a minecraft creator because if I was doing freaky gay roleplay with my friends and then got called siblings I would just end it all
#anyways mcyt fan culture makes me fucking insane I hate how it’s devolved into this#I bet nobody even cares about cc boundaries it’s just about being cool and parasocial with them#they don’t know you they don’t care. make their Minecraft characters kiss#they’re saying what you want them to say so they’ll stop being bombarded with annoying questions every day#also holy SHIT please stop making every woman have a familial dynamic#it’s ok for women to not always be the mom or the sister or whatever!!! it’s okay!!!!!!!#women can have relationships! why are you ignoring them and making everything about men!!!#I need to stop looking at the lifesteal fandom. I just get frustrated everytime I do
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inverness here they come!!!!
#ignoring canon. does everyone know that esther forces her way back into his life even in a world where they don't have to meet#and then they just ditch london and live an oddly quiet life until the end of the war in scotland. they told me that.#more than anything in the world i am always thinking of the incredible force that these two are and how determined they are to survive#please see: esther genuinely trying to shoot him (makes me laugh everytime i see it) and the way karl blends himself into every scenario#not above lying not above running away just trying to get by. 'i treat others the way they treat me'. distrustful by default#and finally the only reason these two stop kicking and clawing is the budding family they accidentally form#AND THEN THE LAST 20 MINUTES OF EP4 HAPPENS.#ep8 gives me a semblance of peace. theyre in inverness to ME.#i do also rly adore their twin rbf. at any given moment they look as though theyre chatting shit (they are)#AND the gun thing is so funny. the gun fails and instead of giving up esther just tries to shoot him again LLOOOLLLL#no thoughts towards the consequences and with no experience with guns as well. she's literally goated#jacob fortune lloyd's interview on this and his thoughts on their relationship also makes me a tiny bit sick so .#anyways. WATCH BODIES#karl weissman#esther jankovsky#bodies netflix#my art#bodies 2023
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i come check ur blog everytime my friends slander shane to my face. its a type of shane palette cleanser. ur the only mf who gets me
Im glad you can feel some sort of sanctuary in my blog bcz shane fans r always going through the fucking trenches in this fandom
#i just went through facebook looking at a page that did not ask for permission posting my art (i gave up) and im reading thru the comments#and most of them r just slandering shane left and right like CAN U GET OUT#i know that old man is stinky!!! now GET OUT OF MY HOUSE 👉🚪#i keep getting shit in reddit too everytime i post shane. this never happens w the other characters 😂#they all complain abt me drawing shane “handsome” like idk how to tell these ppl but can u fuckin imagine if i drew shane more poorly than#everyone else LMFAOOOOOOOOOO#like even if im not a fan of a character i wouldnt draw them intentionally 'ugly' 😭😂 there would always be someone who loved that person#ppl r entitled to their own opinion ofc and we cant stop them for not liking shane but they dont have to rub it in our face either 😭😂#i normally just avoid/ignore ppl who dont like shane (obviously. incredibly normal thing to do.) but shane haters will go to shane fans#and shit right in their front yard and personal spaces lmfaooo 😭😂 good lord#sorry for the yelling in the tags
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HEYY, I MIGHT BE MORE ACTIVE AGAIN RAHHH🔥🔥💯💯💯
ANYWAYS HERE ARE SOME STUPID DOODLES AND SOME BONUS ONES THAT ARE NOT ZAK STORM RELATED (RARE FOOTAGE)
These 2 give so much siblings vibes
CARAMBA DOODLES BECAUSE I LOVE HIM AND ALSO HIM SKATEBOARDING ON SOME RANDOM ASS 3D SHAPE AND ALSO HIM SUMMONING 7 TRUCKS🔥🔥🔥
And Zak burning cereal :3
NOW THIS IS RARE FOOTAGE BUT I ALSO DREW SMALL DOODLES OF THE IRIS FROM GHE AND JUPITER AND SATURN FROM SOLARBALLS RAHHH (I don't fw with solarballs iris tbh😞)
AND ANOTHER BONUS WHICH IS ONE OF MY OCS, PERSEUS🔥🔥
With raimondi above and a random ass cat
ITS NOT MUCH BUT SINCE EXAM SEASON IS ALMOST OVER I WILL DRAW MORE (JUST GOTTA MAKE IT THROUGH THOSE 4-5 WEEKS🔥🔥🔥)
HAVE A GREAT DAY!!! XPP
#zak storm#caramba#idk if i should tag solarballs and ghe into this since its js 2 doodles#dude school drama is so wild#idk if the fact drawing caramba everytime is just weird or its js the silliness in me🔥🔥#also my laptop broke apart because of a screw now bro is not working anymore#womp womp ngl#holy shit my maths notebook is literally falling apart#well all notebooks are#i almost failed my german exam too if it werent for that one point which gave me a D atleast#but hey atleast i passed#german sucks ass and so does math#I do infact NOT fw with german exams🔥🔥#im so cooked in math but its the last exam so i just gotta make it through💯💯#honestly idk whats in me to draw these dumbass doodles😭🙏#now what am i going to do with a broken ahh laptop#maths when i catch you maths#still remembering the fact that the teachers and my classmates are beefing with eachother#idk what to tag anymore so i'll stop here with my yapping#ignore the fact that i cant draw trucks at all
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No bc fuck tim but it really really bothers me how people ignore his growth like he used to be an asshole and I’ll give tim Stans one thing: now he’s so so so stale but what I disagree with is that this staleness is bc nobody likes him like it’s in fact the exact opposite where everyone likes him so much they dont want to do anything. Even when it’s him surface level challenging Bruce it’s when everyone else is doing it too; but he’s still the backbone of the fam! Etc. and it’s so irritating bc him gaining more compassion and empathy even for people he doesn’t fw is so fun to watch and that’s why the captain boomerang thing was so out of character! (Not in a from the author way but in a tim wouldn’t do that and he and Bruce both knew it which is why it went down like it did. Same way dick killing joker was ooc; not in fanon sense but in a he would hate himself forever for this sense) and speaking of that it’s such an interesting mirror to Bruce who genuinely believes that everyone can grow vs Tim’s it doesn’t matter if they grow it’s not my decision to make like it’s the same but it’s not AND WITH CASS’ IT DOESNT MATTER IF THEY CHOOSE NOT TO GROW I WONT DO IT! like ugh. And anyways even when people acknowledge it they boil it down to “Janet and Jack taught him that the capitalist pigs that they are” like no. This is who tim was. Tim was the kind of guy who’d blame a dead kid for dying. That’s ok. Also Janet and Jack? Please reread anything involving them that’s not a fic like Jack had anger issues and they were both aloof at worst like relax.
#the Jack and Janet thing is both an understatement and an exaggeration but I don’t think anyone reads enough to care#some tim stan might get all pissy and be like ‘no look this is everytime jack yelled at him and boarding schools are abusive’ to which#and its like narratively that means nothing bc the tim you made up to justify the Drake parents you made up by blowing shit out of#proportion is also made up and if all of that was abusive there’d be smth to show for it besides ur homophobic Jack#too girlboss to care but still terrible Janet bc god forbid a woman have a personality from ur fics#anyways that’s also the reason I’m ignoring the council of spiders#well two reasons#first is that was just a moment to make tim look cool and did absolutely nothing for him or his character moving on#like at all#I’d say it fucked with his previous established dislike of killing for his own reasons#and while that COULD be interesting it’s not bc they didn’t do shit with it#and fanon doesn’t do fun shit with it either#nothing about how tim in his most manic state did shit he doesn’t want to remember shit he’d HATE other ppl for#just “’remember what I did to ur base Ra’s? mess with me again and see what I do next 😼’#like ok can you be real and genuine?#anyways I think#AND NOT IN A HATER WAY#Tim would benefit from being humbled#like genuinely I detest the world can’t move without tim running it but the idea that tim thinks that way is so good to me#and#I think next step being him realizing that’s not true would be a BIG push for his character#bc like I said tim Stans are right in the fact that he’s stale as hell rn#but that’s bc there’s nothing to say bc there’s nowhere to go! y’all want a tim action story where he shows off how badass he is reread#the Bruce quest and maybe it’ll remind you he’s not ceo lmao but anyways there’s nothing internal to say about him atp bc nobody wants to#say anything that’s not propping him up. same with Bruce! Gotham war was such a copout but it’s like ppl are saying he’s stale and it’s bc#god forbid he makes a lasting fumble. and I’m not under the illusion this is new I’m just saying it’s weird that fandoms not clocking it#anywayyys I really do like thinking about the No killing rule and how different it manifests for each perosn#like the way each distinct difference tells u so much about them#UGH ONLY SLIGHTLY RELATED BUT DUUUUUKE BEING LIKE IDGAF ABOUT GUNS LIKE UR SO REAAAL#anyways enough tim positivity for today FUCK THAT NIGGA!
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sorry to log on n rant but i need to rant
#tbd.#ooc.#cw complaining#ignore the tags if u dont want to see how my life is going shdfhsf#so im doing my masters yeah#and im like. 75% thru#shouldve been done last month#but bc of the year ive had my uni adviser was rlly nice and sorted a way to extend my student status for another year#to get my dissertation done#like i did my 4 essays n now its just dissertation time#n i was supposed to start it now n get booked in with my mentor n stuff but i cant fucking log into the website#bc u need a MFA#and the MFA app my uni uses wont acknowledge me bc i have a different phone bc my phone broke#and a different number bc my phone contract got cut off#so idk what to do lol i cant log in and do anything#ive rang the IT desk for help 59w9er3424234 times#and everytime i get thru to the actual line n im taken off hold .. they hang up on me#idk if its a system error or my phone bc its a shit old one#but i cant do anything#and my universal credit claim got closed#non uk oomfs its a benefits system#n they help u with money to pay bills whether ur looking for work or unfit to work which is what my doctor said i am bc#my mental health and physical health combines to make me a super loser#n he thinks i might try to K word myself if i take too much on at once after eveerything#like i cant even sit and grieve my dad that died not even 6 months ago yet because i have to much shit to fucking do#like i cant afford to liven now#i cant pay my bills. they keep bouncing and coming back worse#i have debt collectors coming @ me#i am stuck in catch 22 man like not even my support workers can help me rn#and im very lucky that i own my own home bc of my car accident when i was 15 lol but everyone is just telling me to sell it
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r/fantasy recommend books other than by the same 7 cis white guys challenge: level herculean.
It's genuinely disgusting to me how myopic their recommendations are. No wonder we keep getting posts asking for books with good female characters or POC or Queers because the image of fantasy you project is cishet dude mantasy slop where women are rape doll incubators(the more underaged the more "realistic") and poc/queers are more mythical than dragons.
I swear to God if I see one more neckbread bleating about The First Song Of Wheel Storm Name Winds Law by T.R.M McWhiteman I'll b*mb an orphanage.
Seriously if the only "zomg must read most epicest bestest fantasy everrrr!!!" Are ALL the SAME cis white men, your reading tastes are shit, your literature pallet is unrefined to the point of non-existence, you have no idea what you're talking about, you have no ability to give actually good book recommendations, you're just shovelling the same mantasy slop that the ur-neckbreads shoved at you, your recommendations are bad and you should feel bad.
Are you giving worthwhile recommendations that fit the brief or are you just throwing your uwu favourite books at a person, damn the fact that it doesn't fit or might even be the exact opposite of what the OP is looking for? Hmmm???
#i am legit tweaking rn#I'm not even opposed to cis white guy authors just not THE SAME BITCHES EVERYTIME#claptrap about “battles” and “magic systems” and “realistic”...for 10 billion Dollars name a woman or POC adult sff author#the ones who aren't damned to the outer darkness of mantasy slope will at least be able to mention Ursala Leguin or Octavia Bulter#then ask them to name one ALIVE and Currently writing crickets or maybe NK Jemisin lmao#also let me not get started on their racist/misogynistic double standards#hate on Poppy war because Rin is “despicable” but then squeal about their favourite malazan character who's a serial child rapist...k1ll me#oh don't forget the covert bigotry against anything related to not cishet white men#r/fantasy is infinitely better than all the other sff subs bc at least there you actually banned for being overtly a bigot#...but! everypost about POC or queer stuff or women/feminism gets downvoted to hell#plus the sealioning nerds about “why does representation matter i only care about good bokks” ofc all the good books are by cishet white men#one of the reasons i stick around r/fantasy is that i might be one of the few big sff book spaces that isn't focused on YA or romantasy#and sorting by new and ignoring every BrandoSando KKC etc post actually makes the sub tolerable great even#y'all might think I'm being too harsh but when in “no rape/pedophilia/incest” threads r/fantasy nggas be recommending shit like ASOIAF#I'm not going to be nice ESPECIALLY when they get mad when you point out how they don't fit and it's a dick move to ignore OPs request#books#fantasy#just to be safe#tw pedophila mention#tw rape#tw incest mention
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#just me rambling#badvibe#god. i feel so let down by my friends these days#it's been a billion things piling up for many many weeks#and right now i just got told by a friend with whom I was supposed to go to a convention that she forgot I was coming#so she won't be able to pick me up cuz she's going with her mom instead#we made plans for visiting that city in the morning before going to the convention and all.#i put it down in my agenda and moved plans around to accomodate for it. but she straight up...#entirely forgot i was supposed to be there#she forgot about me#and i'm SO. FUCKING DONE. ABOUT BEING AN AFTERTHOUGHT ALL THE FUCKING TIME#this is just too fucking much. between this and my childhood friend who acts distant w me ever since there was a dumbass quiproquo#where i have to fucking work hard everytime at creating a good atmosphere whenever we see each other cuz she wont put in that effort#and another friend who's been utterly ignoring me on purpose for some fucking goddamn reason i don't know why or what i did#ignoring me or being rude other times#all of those are just examples but its been so many things#i have been. SO fucking patient with everyone. ive helped them so many times too- sometimes to my own loss#i've been so kind and understanding despite my personal struggles - keeping my feelings of anger and injustice at bay#and i get what in response? i'm fucking. forgotten i guess. pushed aside. treated like a nuisance#i feel like its at the point where the closer they are to me the less effort they put in. cuz i'm a given now. they can treat me like shit#they treat strangers better than their close friend cuz they know i'll just take it. or smth. i'm a punching ball for bad moods#i'm done being the understanding one. what about that. what if others were the ones having to come to me and be kind instead#what if i was the one people coddled and offered sympathy to for once in my fucking life#idk. just fucking explode#i feel so disrespected. and uncared for#and so deeply unloved#i'm done. i'm done#the convention thing was just the fucking hammer to break my back after everything#i'm so deeply heartbroken#do i matter to the people i care about
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starting to think this website is bad for my mental health.....
#⚠️#personal#everytime i come on here and read a post thats discourse its like entering a boss battle against my ocd#like fuck! not again!!#i dont know the answer and my brains yelling at me if i dont reblog fast enough im a bad person and i cant scroll by either causr thatll#make me a bad person whos ignoring what seems to be an obvious problem and now im FUCKED!!!#yeah maybe i could just unfollow discourse people but theyre half the people i follow and also some of my mutuals and like#its not like i dont care about issues its just hard to engage with anything on here when my own mind keeps yelling at me im a horrible#person for not reblogging whatever new queer discourse post has appeared on my dash#its exhausting!#i wish spaces online were more ocd friendly! but they never will be! cause social media thrives off reactionary aggressive shit like#''reblog this or youre a TERRIBLE PERSON'' and even when the op isnt saying that and is like calmly explaining things or at least from what#i can gather from their tone over the internet which is hard to judge that voice is still in my head like people on here will label you a#shitty person for not reblogging certain posts and that scares me and my ocd so bad!#i do care its just hard to want to engage with anything when everyones so angry all the time#yeah people can be justified in that anger but still for people like me who struggle with moral ocd its hard#ive been considering jsut not reblogging discourse but i want to show solidarity with people this discourse is about#i want to show i care cause i do its just hard like#i feel like half the shit i reblog on here is a compulsion#yeah maybe i should spend less time on here but even when im trying to do that i still scroll on my dash for maybe like 5 minutes and ive#already been hit with like 20 different discourse posts#i jsut came on here for gotham fan content idk man
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i can’t wrap my head around how people really don’t care about the genocide in Palestine. like I knew the world was fucked but this really is showing me how much people truly believe that “this is just how the world is” like what the fuuuuck. i don’t understand
#how can people live peacefully knowing this is going on??#part of the reason I haven’t lived in peace in my life is bc of how sick the world makes me 😭😭#it is so uncomfortable#it makes me feel so powerless#it also makes me kinda bitter sometimes#bc people get mad about the dumbest shit when they don’t even realize how lucky they are#I wish the world cared about eachother#and everytime i see some bs about supporting Israel it unfortunately makes me think very badly of people#pure fucking evil#or just ignorance/uneducated?? idk how to feel
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Always gonna miss pre-S2 when we could imagine Stizzy happening pre EdStede getting back together and we could see Ed comedically being offended that Stede had the audacity to leave him and then steal his purse dog-wife (we can still imagine this, but it was a sillier era long gone now 😔)
#it’s one of those days where I can’t shut up#also everytime I call Izzy a random list of things#it takes all my will power not to say father or dad at the end#he’s provided me with the funniest ammunition#like it’s a baffling comment it’s sooo funny#why did he say that#what did he mean#also while I’m not letting DJ off#I know his writing wasn’t malicious#so I hope it doesn’t feel like I’m being mean#I just love making jokes about the way writers talk about their own works#I do it for sooo many authors#you literally have to laugh to read the shit authors have to say sometimes 😭#(but yeah even the unfortunate implications that do make me mad#I’m not attributing to malice I’m just attributing to a confluence of things including some ignorance)#pirate bitching
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imagine being anti self dx like imagine having that in your carrd and popping out veins over it
#am i gonna go into a 900 page rant about this shit again. everytime you are anti self dx you completely ignore the people who can't#get one because of abusive parents who deny that their kid has any problems or people who can't afford a diagnosis ?#also therapy is a commitment and i have a job that not only doesn't rver give me time for myself but also drains the energy out of me#do i LOOK like i can just see my therapist . i was so close to getting a proper diagnosis but my state has legit worsened and i am#OVWRWORKED and overwhelmed and so many people are in a similar position as me#so do me a favor and just. think about why you are so against it . especially when alot of us do our proper research and it helps us feel#less alienated . it helped me realize i'm not actually a lazy stupid person like my parents make me out to be ❤️
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What is it that makes period pain so debilitating. In terms of pain i would probably rate the pepper grinder falling from the top shelf right on my foot the same as the pain rn, but i only ever get knocked out from this particular pain
#fucking hell#i mean i get periods affect more than just my foot and i mean that did hurt so much i thought it was broken and like i was gonna throw up#first lol. but i could like still get back to work and do whatever? also the back pain i sometimes get is arguably just as strong#but I tend to just ignore it? this? this is always a question of 'man am i gonna make it the 1.5 meters from my bed#to the bathroom or would i pass out on my way there#also IT'S ALL CONSUMING#everything from the waist down is in pain#my feet! what's with that shit?! everytime!#(sorry i need to Scream into the void otherwise i Cry! also me making rant posts actually means it's not that bad rn#if it was super bad I wouldn't be able to do that lol)#anyway#it's almost 2:30 now#i took more pain killers like 45mins ago so i hope i can maybe get up in 15 minutes so i can get some groceries#and then actually do some work on my thesis#i feel so guilty lol. pretty sure my professor doesn't care but i did agree on sending it yesterday so it's a shitty thing to not even work#on it when I'm already past the deadline. it's not like I'm getting an unreasonable amount of special treatment already#ok I'll try to keep the whining to a minimum now
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I was really productive today and i'm trying to be proud of myself but theres nothing like being reminded by my family that they consider me lesser and an after thought to kill my mood and motivation
#vark posts#dont rb#all i did was ask my dad and my sister if they wanted to play mc and an hour later i get some half assed 'idk'#ik that might not seem like much but this happens everytime i make some attempt to spend time with them#whatever i suggest is never good enough and i'm lucky if i even get texted first#they never personally inv me over and everytime ive pointed it out theyve spun it around on me#they even go so far as to ignore me and put me down in person#maybe its time i go low contact#i so badly want things to go back to how they used to be but nothin good is gonna come out of putting myself in this situation over and ove#i responded to the idk text with 'you can just say no. its not that big a deal' and ik thats gonna piss my dad off#so i havent looked at my phone since#nothin like family trauma to make me use desktop tumblr lol#sorry to vent this like all happened at most 10 mins since posting this#and im very hurt#anyways fuck them check out the shit i did today#i took out the trash + worked out + did the dishes + started a russian study journal#+ cleaned and disinfected 1 of 4 cobweb and spider covered chairs so now we have a chair for the dining table!#cleaned the chair outside on my apts front porch while it was raining so it was actually pretty nice and peacful#wasnt playin any music or anything just listening to the rain and letting myself get swept up in chair cleaning lmao#im a bad bitch as soon as im left home alone all day
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i really got to get better at saying no and just not doing things i don’t want to do. like i know abuse sexual and non literally beat that out of me but i am sick of my nos never being taken seriously and i never push beyond the initial no bc that IS me trying my best i just got to get into my cunt era
#personal#like everytime someone in my life ignores me saying no or pushing me past what i’m comfortable it sucks!#and it happens a lot bc i have trouble saying no!#and it’s such BULLSHIT.#like my friends and family know i struggle with it so what’s the next logical move? use that to get what they want#and i get it’s not like. malicious on purpose most the time#but god i wish i could just get enough courage to say no and then be listened to!#i want to say fuck off and not have people laugh bc i’m so easy going#i just genuinely want to start being mean to people and just be left alone for five fucking seconds#i want my nos to matter just for ONCE.#i want to say no. and be listened to#i want to say no and that be it not my no to be soemthing to argue#especially with my mom she says i’m being difficult and half the time it’s just shit that is a plain yes or no#black and white no if what’s or butts but no is the wrong answer and it’ll always be and i know no one cares when i say it#and i’m working myself into something that this doesn’t need to be#i also have to take responsibility and work on getting better at this#i’m just annoyed no one respects that or me until i bring out the big guns
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