#shinobi shitpost

[evilkitten3]

what do you call it when a ninja gets hurt?

a ninjury

[gaydinosaurbananamilkcarton]

I still love sakura. Even if she's a dumbass. No way am I sticking around for somebody that not only treated me like shit, he left me to take care of my daughter by myself for 9 years and then tried to kill her when he met her. The main reason I like sakura is because of her character development. Instead of being a weak sasuke obsessed character, she actually became a strong sasuke obsessed character! Yay!

Most people won't admit it, but they hate sakura because of some shit she said to naruto when they were KIDS(12), not to mention, she wasn't lying. He was an orphan 💀 but they go and say that she's weak, even after she gets stronger, and like rock lee for doing exactly what she did. (Training to become better) sakura never HAD the same powers that naruto and sasuke did. Yet she still MANAGED on her own. That's why I like her.

I like naruto, just not his mindset. Of course I want to become hokage and protect people that treated me like shit for my entire life! Then he became hokage, and made NO changes for the better. He didn't want to be hokage to help, he wanted to be hokage just because he craved attention and validation. He always wants to save people, and doesn't understand that he's making it worse. Sasuke IS more realistic as a character, and sasuke has had it worse than naruto has. Hate me all you want, but it's true. His entire clan was murdered by his brother, including his parents. And then he was obsessed with revenge, only to kill his brother and then find out WHY itachi did what he did and he had to regret it. All he ever KNEW was loneliness and anger, so he had no idea how to live without it. Naruto never had his parents or siblings, meaning he didn't have to LOSE anything. And that's why sasuke was angry with him.

I also think it's important to include Kakashi though. Not only was he practically USELESS for team 7 as a whole (naruto went to be trained by jiraiya, sasuke by orochimaru/? And then sakura by tsunade. It would've been cold if she trained under guy too but the author HATES a strong female character that isn't evil) kakashi needs to be analysed as a whole, especially with his treatment of sasuke. He claims to have gone through what sasuke did, and then tells him that revenge is pointless and leaves you hollow, and then he helps shikamaru get revenge for asuma. He's a hypocrite. He wins the award for the world's WORST sensei.

I won't even make a separate post for boruto, because there's no reason. The show is confusing as hell, and equally as pointless. Boruto hates his dad for no reason, all the important fights are for sasuke and naruto, naruto adopts kawaki and let's him beat up his son, kawaki seals them away and then flips it to make boruto look like he's in the wrong, there are no more shinobi, Boruto trained under sasuke, and then sasuke was sealed in a tree so now he cosplays as him. Sakura is NOWHERE to be seen💀 (good for her) himawari has kurama (how will she not be stronger than boruto?💀) and boruto has Naruto's abilities (rasengan, flying Raijin- minato, and shadow clones) with purple lighting and all of a sudden he's a god. I'm confused about what the jougan does. He also has his fathers weak mindset about not wanting to kill kawaki, but just wanting to punch him. Sarada has insane potential but of course the author won't let her be great because she's a woman! I hate the idea of borusara because I see them as nothing but teammates. It's like the dynamic between naruto and sakura. She treats him like a brother. She hugs her friend that she hasn't seen in 2 years that's also been framed and ostracised by the entire village and suddenly they're the best ship in the world 💀 Delusion at its finest. None of those kids need to be with ANYONE. Just focus on the goddamn anime and stop ruining shit. Because NO ONE is watching it

[depressedhangrybitch]

I know what is going on here...

A psychotic scientist is giving an unwanted hickey to his enemy cum best friend who is as straight as a hard dick and him defending himself by shape shifting into a white porcupine.

Tell me what u think is happening here in reblog or comments

[katatonicimpression]

Marvel characters as The Daily Mash headlines Part 7

[kishimotomasashi]

Characters whose kink is getting their ass kicked are so fun bc the ships you can materialize out of this information

[narutotravesties]

Dont say naruto didnt have any straight people. Jiraya is literally RIGHT there?

[iinexorabile]

Tanba every-time another samurai, and worse yet, an Oda-related samurai, is summoned to Chaldea as a Servant instead of his son the amazing Oni no Hanzō aka Hanzo Hattori aka Demon Hanzō aka the second greatest Shinobi to ever live (after Tanba himself) etc etc..

..... or just any other Shinobi really, Tanba would even take another Fuuma at this point--

[short-circuit-the-great]

A shinobi and his samurai son! Since I've drawn Hayato a lot but never his dad.

For the thing that started as a shitpost and turned into a chronicle about the horror of war

Tip jar

[djinarocks]

I am the Simp, banger artist, shitposter and scared.

Tagging @shinobi-illuminator, @mypersonalfirepit, @violetrose-art.

let your moots tell you which one you are!!!

[elterremotochileno]

Inglorious Rookies

This came to me in a fever dream. It's the crossover one asked for but I needed and so here I proudly present: Naruto x Inglorious Basterds.

AU! Alternative Universe / Cannon Divergence - where Konoha decides to invade the Village of the Sound after Orochimaru's attack and murder of the Third Hokage. The new Hokage assigns Shikamaru Nara a vital mission: gather the rookies of his generation, infiltrate de Country of Rice and kill every soundling they can get their hands on.

Words: 1.272

It's my first time posting a fic and I'm not a native English speaker, so I'm sorry in advance if some typos eluded me jajaj

It came to me in a flash of shitposting inspiration. If there is interest - or if I'm once again hit with inspiration - I could continue this project.

After the attack on Honoha and the murder of the Third Hokage, a war council was summoned with the heads of Konohagakure’s Clans. They argued for a while before deciding that the best course of action was to unleash a massive shinobi attack on the Hidden Village of the Sound in a combined strike with the forces of the Hidden Village among the Sands - their clan heads were also pissed off by the former’s Kazekage's Souplantation. The objective was to destroy Orochimaru’s labs and headquarters when the former Sannin was still weak from his fight with the Third.

The Jonin forces received orders to begin the preparations for the incoming invasion but, after Konoha’s attack, the village was in need of ninja soldiers. A war - unfortunately - needs soldiers to fight it.

The newly elected Hokage had that in mind when she charged Shikamaru Nara, the only chunin of his generation, with a very delicate mission.

The “Rookie 11”, as one day they will be remembered, gathered a couple of minutes before the break of dawn. Team 10 was the first to arrive, followed closely by Team Guy. Team 8 came almost last, followed by Sakura - the only other member of Team 8 remaining. Kiba and Akamaru were yawning, seemingly having stepped out of his bed not very long ago. Others, meanwhile, looked like they hadn’t slept at all.

They line up in front of Shikamaru, whose flashy new chunin’s flak jacket is only overshadowed by his thousand yards stare. Behind him was the “No. 1 Unpredictable Ninja” himself, Naruto Uzumaki, who appeared weirdly cheered up.

ー I can’t believe I’m actually doing this ー Shikamaru confesses to his unofficial second-in-command.

ー Come on! It’s going to be great. Believe it!

Naruto’s confident smile somehow made Shikamaru feel worst. He knew that the orange ninja wasn’t excited about the message of his speech, but they needed to give it nonetheless. There were tough times ahead.

ー If it makes you feel better… ー Shikamaru sighed before marching towards the line.

He cleared his throat and the little murmur in the crow died. All eyes were on him.

ー My name is Chūnin Nara Shikamaru and I'm putting together a special team ー he began to say loudly. ー And I need me ten shinobi.

» Ten - Hot-Blooded - Leaf - Shinobi!

Among the young genin, Kiba couldn’t hold a laugh.

ー We all know who you are, Shikamaru. You don’t have to…

ー Now y'all might of heard rumors about the attack happening soon ー Nara continued once there was silence once again. ー Well, we'll be leaving a little earlier. We're gonna infiltrate the Country of Rice, dressed as civilians. And once we're in enemy territory, as a bushwacking, shinobi army, we’re gonna be doing one thing, and thing only…

A slight jab in his ribs by Shino got his attention. The shinobi of Clan Aburame slowly lift up his finger to his mouth, telling him to shut up. Annoyed at first, he soon looked around an noticed that all his former classmates were dead quiet. Even Naruto, the class clown, couldn’t hide his fear behind his smile.

» Killing Soundlings.

The word made echoes through the formation. ‘Soundlings’ was how the village had begun to call the ninjas of the sound after the battle. A deep hatred had invaded Konoha’s heart, a hatred that filled the war cries.

ー The Village Hidden in the Sound orchestrated an attack on our village and convinced one of our own to leave through murder, torture, intimidation, and terror ー Sakura couldn’t keep his eyes up as Shikamaru’s mentioned Sasuke. He abandoned the village just two days before this gathering and the chances of getting him back were really slim. Shikamaru felt her sadness and caught her gaze. ー And that's exactly why our job is to pay them in kind.

They couldn’t be surprised. This was what they were trained to do after all: fight as ninjas against the enemies of the Village.

ー Now, I don't know about y'all… But I sure as hell didn't survive the goddamn Chunin Exam, cross five thousand miles of deadly forest, fight my way through half the Land of Fire, and then infiltrate the snake’s den to teach the soundlings lessons in humanity.

» Soundlings ain't got no humanity! They’re the foot soldiers of a snake-faced, mass-murdering maniac, and they need to be destroyed.

The way he said it, so matter of fact, startled the genin. But at the same time, he was speaking out loud the feelings most of them kept in their heart.

ー That's why any and every son-of-a-bitch we find wearing a sound headband, they're gonna die. ー The headbands on their foreheads grew heavy. Wearing them was an oath: you became a shinobi of the Leaf; your priorities were placed first in the village, then your Clan, and finally in your friends.

» Now, I’m a member of Clan Nara. It means I have an affinity with shadows. And our battle plan will be that of an unseen shinobi.

Shikamaru’s voice dropped lower, his tone darker.

ー We will be cruel to the Soundlings, and through our cruelty, they will know who we are. They will find the evidence of our cruelty, in the disembowed, dismembered, and disfigured bodies of their brothers we leave behind us. And the Soundlings will not be able to help themselves from imagining the cruelty their brothers endured at our hands, and our boot heels, and the edge of our knives.

» And the Soundlings will be sickened by us.

» And the Soundlings will talk about us.

» And the Soundlings will fear us.

» And when the Soundlings close their eyes at night, and their subconscious tortures them for the evil they’ve done, it will be with thoughts of us, that it tortures them with.

Shikamaru stopped pacing and looked at everybody. The time of truth came.

ー Sound good?

There was only a brief moment of doubt before the place was filled with a roaring reply;

ー YES, SIR!

The truth was, they had reasons to be angry. Most of them lost people in the invasion or had encounters with them themselves. They saw the destruction, the cruelty of Orochimaru, and the corruption of their friend. It was too much even for a gentle heart.

ー That's what I like to hear ー Nara began to pace again, a small smile curled on his lipsー But I got a word of warning to all would-be shinobi. When you join my command, you take on debit. A debt you owe me, personally.

» Each and every man and woman under my command owes me one hundred soundlings headbands. And I want my headbands. And all y'all will get me one hundred soundlings headbands taken from the heads of one hundred dead soundlings…

Shikamaru stopped and briefly scanned the look of determination on their faces before finally adding;

» Or you will die trying.

Shikamaru finally understood his Sensei’s desire to smoke. It was a real bother to lead. But he was the only one that could. He understood his companions’ anger, maybe better than anyone else. Beyond their specific Team mission, most of them were inexperienced and untested on the battlefield. If they were going to war, they couldn’t view the enemy as a human being, but as less than.

It’s the only way to make sure most of them survive.

[askthemist]

Kushimaru: ladies, gentlemen, and underaged smartasses who've joined our ranks ILLEGALLY.

Haru and Haku: *fist bumps each other*

Kushimaru: I'm afraid that in recent days, I've come to the conclusion that we must retaliate towards the Mizukage in a mature, professional and reasonable manner....with dignity, responsibility and understanding.

*three hours later*

Various members of the Anbu plus Zabuza, because why not, violently pointing at yagura: BABYMAN BABYMAN BABYMAN BABYMAN BABYMAN BABYMAN BABYMAN BABYMAN!

Yagura: *writhing in pain and confusion* oh God what the fuck oh God please help me why are you all doing this please sthhap!

[depressedhangrybitch]

Day 20 of iconic naruto memes

[zabuza-thee-demon-of-the-mist]

This is just Zabuza’s life in general if we’re being honest

Ravi Zupa: Cats matchboxes & prints . A collaboration with Arna Miller • via Bibliothèque Infernale on FB

[omoiintensifies]

Does anyone want to play tic tac toe?

[katatonicimpression]

Marvel characters as The Daily Mash headlines Part 4 (Marauders Edition)

Bonus:

[askthemist]

"that's why we forced him to work in the academy, apparently his patience for children is as admirable as one can imagine....that....and we told every academy student what Zabuza did during his graduation and if they don't study hard enough, Zabuza will have to put them out to pasture"

-kushimaru

It was really respectful of Zabuza to wait until Team 7 finished their improptu lesson on the sharingan before attacking. You can tell he really believes in a proper education.